Want Socialism? Try the U.S
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The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, June 18, 2021 — Page 1 We Put the Vol. CCLXV, No. 20 The New Hampshire Gazette June 18, 2021 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Free! PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com in Free Press The Fortnightly Rant Keeping Up With the Loonies e do our best to keep up. In it altogether.” theory, that’s most of the job: That sounds bad on the face of it. tryW to keep up, and write about the Why do it? “The agency says shift- stuff that really matters. These days ing from air to surface modes of that boils down to tracking dan- transport would improve net income gerous outbreaks of authoritarian by $175 million a year and avoid lunacy. This can be unnerving—es- dependence on air carriers, which pecially in the context of a former- can sometimes be unpredictable in ly-natural environment whose ex- meeting USPS time frames.” piration date seems to be getting a But, a reasonable person might fortnight closer every dang week. sputter, the Postal Service has no In a perfect world we’d be main- choice but to use planes, if it’s going taining a sophisticated database to meet current service standards of for this purpose. Cross-tabulation three-day delivery to the contiguous analysis would no doubt be useful in 48 states…. sorting out the misleaders from the Yes, that’s true. So, to solve that misled, the grifters from the true be- little problem, “the Postal Service lievers, and the charlatans from the has proposed downgrading service congenitally bewildered. standards. Instead of two or three Having a handle on the character days, the new standard will be two- of the actors involved could be of to-five days. The Postal Service says great help when trying to determine that it will be able to meet these lower ProPublica reported last week that In the absence of our hypothetical warming process.” if some bizarre event is evidence of standards more consistently, so mail those leftists were right all along: “a database, we’ve selected these exam- This drought is sure to make this a criminal conspiracy, the serendip- delivery, while slower, will be more vast cache of IRS information show- ples of terrible public policy almost year’s fire season worse. We reached itous confluence of separate strains ‘reliable’ and ‘predictable.’” ing how billionaires like Jeff Bezos, at random. Worse things are going out to an expert for insight, but our of stupid behavior which could Ah, we see: this plan was cribbed Elon Musk and Warren Buffett on, we have no doubt. phone line to Hell had melted. nontheless lead to an accidental but from the old “The Beatings Will pay little in income tax compared to It is easier, in a way, to report on From fire, to ice: the Pine Island complete societal breakdown, or Continue Until Morale Improves” their massive wealth—sometimes, catastrophic climate change than a Glacier—the stopper keeping half merely another Fortean example of handbook. even nothing.” criminally dysfunctional govern- a million cubic miles of Antarctic the universe being kinky.* The nation’s favorite agency, Warren Buffet was being coy ment. Nature may have her secrets, ice from melting in the Amundsen The staggering volume of such in- which boasts a 91 percent approval when he said he paid a lower tax rate but she rarely dissembles. Sea—could be gone in a decade, gla- cidents means, though, that merely rating, is being driven into the ditch than his secretary. ProPublica calcu- As we go to press, a massive and ciologist Bethan Davies said last Fri- entering the data would consume far by a Postmaster General who just lated his tax rate at one-tenth of one intense heat dome is squatting over day. An optimistic, though, she said more labor than we currently expend happens to have owned a competing percent. the Southwest, reaching as far north “the future is still open to change.” on this whole operation. Further- business in the private sector. Jeff Bezos—the richest man as Montana. It is expected to stay in Fortunately, some legislators are more, in a perfect world such a thing Also on June 3rd, the Washington on the planet, who is burning up place for a week. Health officials in also open to change. Rep. Louie would be superfluous. Post reported that said Postmaster, billions so he can go joyriding in Phoenix are warning that contact Gohmert [R-Texas] recently asked Rewinding to June 3rd, for exam- Louis DeJoy, is now under investi- space—also pays taxes at a rate less with asphalt pavement—which can if, to mitigate climate change, there ple, we find SaveThePostOffice.com gation for possible violation of cam- than one percent. reach 180° F at mid-day—may re- might be “anything that the Nation- reporting that the “Postal Service is paign finance laws. Naturally, the IRS and the Justice sult in third-degree burns. al Forest Service or BLM (Bureau now proposing to cut air transpor- First he gave away money to Department got on this case right Researchers said in April that of Land Management) can do to tation for the continental U.S. to politicians—maybe legally, maybe away. Unfortunately, their investi- “the period from 2000 to 2018 was change the course of the moon’s or- about 12 percent of First Class vol- not—and then he was given a job gators did not go directly to GOP the driest 19-year span [in that re- bit or the Earth’s orbit around the umes, and perhaps eventually to end that probably pays less that what he’s HQ and demand reparations for gion] since the late 1500s and the sun?” * Charles Fort (1874 – 1932) was an Amer- used to getting. Now he’s going to the overtaxed multitudes who have second driest since 800.” What’s Any such plan, though, would ican researcher and author who compiled improve the agency by making the had to make up the shortfall over all more, it could continue for decades. have to get past Senate Majority four volumes of anomalous phenomena such as frogs and fish falling from the sky, service worse. these years. And, says the lead author of the Leader Mitch McConnell, who ball lightning, and spontaneous human No, there’s nothing suspicious in No, they set out to find and pun- study, “We know that this drought seems to think Joe Biden is only combustion. any of that. ish whoever let the truth out. has been encouraged by the global 3/5ths of a President. The Alleged News® Want Socialism? Try the U.S. Military. embraces a more exalted layer of the (A small but telling note: the let- al William Boykin and convicted Irresistible Revolution: Marxism’s Some of our top brass social spectrum, a group on which ter employs the phrase “Democrat Iran-Contra criminal Vice Admiral Goal of Conquest & the Unmaking of denounce socialism, but the maintenance of our democra- Congress,” a grammatical barbarism John Poindexter, one just might in- the American Military, which claims they run the most socialist cy—deeply flawed as it is—may that has done duty as a rhetorical fer a degree of psychological projec- that Marxist ideologies have infil- hinge. device for Republican operatives for tion on the part of the signers. trated the military. organization on earth. This May, 124 retired generals at least 40 years, demonstrating that The letter garnered condemna- It is noteworthy that he was only and admirals published an open the signatories are rabid political tion from other retired officers and cashiered after the podcast, whereas by Mike Lofgren letter claiming that President Joe partisans rather than constitutional military analysts, but also a surpris- the book already was in print. Previ- Biden stole the election. Tradition- scholars). ing complacency from former Joint ously, it would have been inconceiv- merica’s love affair with lunacy ally, this letter would have been un- The screed goes on, asserting that Chiefs of Staff chairman Admiral able that a military officer could even continues undimmed. Along thinkable, but a sizable contingent of “we are in a fight for our survival as Mike Mullen, who noted that no receive permission to write an ideo- withA flat-earthers, anti-vaxxers, and former flag officers—people whose a Constitutional Republic like no retired four-stars signed it and only a logical screed like that. Ordinarily, fans of perpetual motion, according decisions once held lives in the bal- other time since our founding in handful of three-stars: “It’s not very they are allowed to write freely on to a May 21 Ipsos poll, 53 percent of ance—has gone full QAnon, writ- 1776,” a claim that makes us won- senior… In our world it’s not very military or technical topics, but po- Republicans now assert that Don- ing: “Under a Democrat Congress der how the signers ever graduated significant in terms of people.” litical diatribes are strictly off-limits. ald Trump is the current President and the Current Administration from their service academies, since It may be cold comfort that there Someone in the command structure of the United States. our Country has taken a hard left a little incident called the American are “only” retired three-stars on the was very lax. There is a tendency in the re- turn toward Socialism and a Marx- Civil War is an important part of the letter, but what about those officers Nevertheless, it was predictable ality-based community to regard ist form of tyrannical government academies’ military history curricula.