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WEEKLY SCHEDULE SHABBAT SCHEDULE Avot Ubanim starts BH This Mosae Mincha 5:15pm Shabbat at 7:30pm SUNDAY

Shir Hashir im: 5:35pm We split up the Teenager program for Shaharit: 7:30am Candle Lighting: 5:11pm Minha 5:15pm Daf Yomi 8:00am older & younger Teenagers. Looking Followed by Arvit & Shaharit: 8:30am forward to seeing everyone there! Teenager Program

Youth Minyan: 9:00am We started BH the Thursday night Shiur Zeman Keriat Shema 8:50am MONDAY TO FRIDAY 2nd Zeman Keriat Shema 9:26am on Avne Shoham Shiur 6:10am Shiur: 4:15pm The Wednesday Night Shiur has been a Minha: 4:50pm Shaharit 6:30am huge Success! Everyone Welcome! Hodu Approx: 6:45am Followed by Seudat Shelishit & Arvit Save the Date: Sunday December 2nd Minha 5:15pm Shabbat Ends: 6:11pm 2018 our Annual Hanuka BBQ Event in Followed By Arbit Rabbenu Tam 6:42pm Greynold’s Park. Flyer on Last page! & Shiurim in English & Spanish. Avot Ubanim 7:30pm

We would like to remind our Kahal Kadosh to please Donate wholeheartedly towards our Beautiful Kehila. Anyone interested in donating for any occasion, Avot Ubanim $120, Kiddush $350, Seudat Shelishit $275, Weekly Bulletin $150, Weekly Daf Yomi $180, Daf Yomi Masechet $2500, Yearly Daf Yomi $5000, Weekly Breakfast $150, Weekly Learning $500, Monthly Rent $3500, & Monthly Learning $2000, Please contact the Rabbi. Thanking you in advance for your generous support. Tizke Lemitzvot!

בס''ד Refuah Shelema List Men Women

• Yosef Zvi Ben Sara Yosefia, • Isaac Ben Mesoda, • Simja Bat Esther, • Sara Ledicia Bat Mesoda, • Aviv Ben Luba Miriam, • Haim Ben Marcelle, • Mesoda Bat Esther, • Alegria Simha Bat Esther, • Mordechai Ben Brucha • Yizhak Ben Simja • Rachel Bat Sarah, • Naomie Bat Rarel Adda, Malka Shmalo, • Reuben Ben Eta, • Evelyn Bat Solita, • Malka Bat Joyce Simja, • Yizhak Abraham Ben Sheli, • Michael Ben Aliza, • Nina Bat Rachel, • Sivan Simha Bat Yehudit, • Yosef Yizhak Ben Sara Hana, • Eliel Moshe Ben • Gitel Rina Bat Yael, • Nikita Nechama Shimona • Yehudah Leon Ben Mesoda, Sarah • Miriam Bat Sofy, Bat Hava, • Mordechai Ben Miriam, • Rahma Bat Simha • Natalie Rachel Bat Nancy, • Meir Raymond Ben Mathilde • Esther Bat Fortuna • Abigael Haya Bat Esther • Salomon Benarroch Ben Alia • Malka Bat Dina • Madelaine Bat Esther • Mordechai Ben Mercedes • Camouna Bat Fortuna • Nurit Jacqueline Bat Rahel

Torah Teasers (AISH)

1. This parsha begins: "And Yaakov sent messengers" to Esav. Where does the Torah state: "And Yisrael sent messengers"? 2. In this parsha, what verse has 8 words in a row ending with the letters yud-mem? 3. Where in this parsha is a question used as an answer? (2 answers) 4. Who is mentione d in the Torah as walking with a limp? 5. In this parsha, who has a name that is also the name of an animal? (5 answers) 6. In the Torah, what names are types of animals? (5 answers) 7. In the Prophets, what names are types of animals? (14 answers) 8. In this parsha, Shchem and Chamor who are killed "at the point of a sword." Who else in the Torah is killed "at the point of a sword"? (2 answers) 9. In this parsha, who dies during childbirth? Where else in Tanach does a woman die during childbirth? 10. Which married couple in this parsha have names that begin with the same letter? Which other married couples in the Torah have names that begin with the same letter? (2 couples - one found in Rashi)

Answers

1) Numbers 21:21 states that "Yisrael sent messengers" - i.e. the Jews sent messengers to the Emorite king for permission to cross his land. 2) In Genesis 32:15, the gifts of Yaakov to Esav are enumerated, with 8 words in a row ending with the letters yud-mem. 3) After the unknown "Ish" changes Yaakov's name to Yisrael, Yaakov asks his name. The "Ish" responds with a question: "Why do you inquire of my name?" (Genesis 32:30). After Yaakov berates Shimon and Levi for killing the city of Shchem, they respond, "Should he treat our sister like a harlot?" (Genesis 34:31) . 4) Yaakov walks with a limp after he is injured in the wrestling match (Genesis 32:32). 5) The following people have names of animals: Chamor (donkey) is the father of Shchem (Genesis 33:19). Devorah (bee) is the wet-nurse of Rivka (Genesis 35:8). Rachel (sheep) is one of the Matriarchs. Aya, which means "buzzard" (Genesis 36:24). Dishon, which means "elk" (Genesis 36:25). 6) Tachash, which means "dolphin" (Genesis 22:24). Becher the son of Benjamin, means "young camel" (Genesis 46:21). Tzipporah (bird) is the wife of Moshe (Exodus 2:21). Tzippor (bird) is the father of Balak (Numbers 22:2). Chaglah, one of the daughters of Tzelofchad, means "partridge" (Numbers 26:33).

7) Devorah (b ee) is a prophet (Judges 4:4). Yael (ibex) is the woman who kills Sisra (Judges 4:17). Ze'ev (wolf) and Orev (raven) are officers of

Midian (Judges 7:25). The Jewish leader Tolah means "partridge" (Judges 10:1). Nachash (snake) is defeated by King Shaul (1-Shmuel 4:17). Layish,

(1-Shmuel 25:44) (2-Shmuel 3:5). who was the father -in-law of King Saul's daughter, means "lion" . Eglah, a wife of King David, means "calf" Shafan, meaning "rabbit," was the scribe of King Yoshiyahu (2-Kings 22:3). Aya, which means "buzzard" (2-Shmuel 3:7). Chulda (weasel) is one of the seven female prophets (2-Kings 22:14). Tzivia (deer) is the mother of King Yehoash (2-Kings 12:2). Yona (dove) is a prophet (Yona 1:1).

8) The nation of Amalek is killed "at the point of a sword" (Exodus 17:13), as is Sichon (Numbers 21:24). Bilaam is also killed by sword but the verse states "with the sword," not "at the point of a sword" (Numbers 31:8).

9) Rachel dies when giving birth to Benyamin (Genesis 35:18). In Tanach, the wife of Pinchas ben Eli dies in childbirth (1-Shmuel 4:20).

10) Esav is married to Ada, both beginning with ayin (Genesis 36:2). Aaron married Elisheva, both beginning with aleph (Exodus 6:23). The wife of Noach is Na'ama, both beginning with nun (Genesis 4:22 with Rashi).

If anyone would like to contact the Rabbi, please feel free

to call or text 786-879-4951, or email [email protected].

בס''ד Community Announcements

(It is YOUR Community, make the most of it!)

Miscellaneous Announcements:

• This Week’s Congregational Kiddush is still available for Sponsorship!

• The Kiddush Club Initiative. Anyone interested donating a Kiddush Please kindly contact the Rabbi. Tizke

Lemizvot!

• This Week’s Congregational Seudat Shelishit is still available for Sponsorship!

• This Week’s Breakfast has been Kindly Sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Daniel Behar in memory of his Dear nd Grandmother Miriam Bat Mana & Yoel z”l the 22 of Kislev. Tihye Nishmata Tzerura Bitzror Hahayim

Amen.

Anyone interested in sponsoring Breakfast for this week or on any day please contact the Rabbi.

• This Week’s Daf Yomi is still available for Sponsorship!

• If anyone is interested in creating a weekly class in your house or an individual class with the Rabbi, please do not hesitate to

contact the Rabbi.

• We are trying to update our Congregant’s contact information. We would like to start sending texts about different Events and

Shiurim. We would also like to start emailing the weekly bulletin. We would like to start a list of Nahalot/Azkarot/Yahrzeits.

We would also like to make a Refuah Shelema list. Please send your contact information to the Rabbi at [email protected]

• Please feel free to contact any of the board members either in person, or via email with suggestions or comments. Our email

addresses are: board member’s first name @oroziel.com

Important Message!!!

Eruv Update: Surfside: The Eruv in Surfside now includes the walking paths along the beach. Pushing strollers and carrying is

permitted on the paths, but not beyond the path or onto the beach.

Bal Harbour: The Eruv in Bal Harbour included the inner (western) walking path only. The pier at Haulover Cut is not included.

• Due to the recent reorganization of seats in the Bet Hakenesset, We are happy to announce the NEW possibility of purchasing seats

in the Bet Hakenesset. For more information, please contact the Board.

• Before hanging up anything anywhere in the Bet Hakenesset, please seek authorization from the Rabbi. This includes flyers etc.

• Please be advised that prior to bringing any food or drinks for any occasion, you must first seek the authorization from the Rabbi.

Special Announcemen ts

• We are pleased to announce that Ness 26 is part of the Amazon Charity Program, which would allow our community to

collect 0.5% of all the orders made by any of you on Amazon.com. In order to register you need to log on

smile.amazon.com and select Ness 26, Inc as the Charitable Organization you want to support, and from then shop on

smile.amazon .com instead of www.amazon.com. It won’t cost anything more, and is an easy way to contribute to our budget needs.

• Anyone wishing to receive the Daily Halacha by the Rabbi please send a whatsapp message to Simon Chocron 786-351- 1573

Community Calendar:

• The program for Teenaged Boys ages 13-18 Started again with Great Succes with Shiur by the Rabbi & Supper on Sunday Evenings after Arvit at around at 7:10 pm With Supper. New Participants Welcome! Anyone

wishing to sponsor this Shiur Please contact the Rabbi. Tizke Lemitzvot! • We have started the Mishmar Program Every other Thursday evening at 8:00 pm with Chulent, Beer, &

Snacks. Everyone is welcome!

Avot Ubanim: This Mosae Shabbat at 7:30pm

Youth Minyan

• We are proud to announce the inauguration of our YOUTH/TEEN MINYAN geared to train and teach our future generations on the different tefillot and parashiot.

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We would like to Whole Heartedly Thank our Dear Friends, Mr. & Mrs. Isaac Benmergui for generously Donating the TORAH LEARNING of Kislev 5779 May the Light & Miracles of this Month accompany & Enlighten our Community Amen. We truly appreciate it. In this merit, may Hashem Bless you & your wonderful family with all the Berachot of the Torah Amen.

Birthdays Happy Anniversary To

Happy Birthday To • Mr. David Cohen – Shabbat Nov. 24th, Nahalot • Moshe Elmaleh – Shabbat Nov. 24th, • Yosef Berdugo Bar Flora z”l the 21st of Kislev • Yosef Avraham Nahon – Mon. Nov. 26th, (Brother of Mrs. Camila Benmergui & Mrs. Fortuna • Shana Cohen – Tue. Nov. 27th, Mamane.) nd • Eitan Perez – Thurs. Nov. 29th, • Miriam Bat Mana z”l the 22 of Kislev st (Grandmother of Mr. Daniel Behar) • Isaac Hooge – Fri. Dec. 1 , th • Orit Benhayoun – Sun. Dec. 3 , • Mrs. Dayana Benmergui – Tue. Dec. 5th, Next Shabbat: rd • Nava Taieb – Thurs. Dec. 7th, • Yosef Nahon Bar Moshe z”l the 23 of Kislev th (Shabbat) (Father of Max & Isaac Nahon) • Mrs. Jessica Benmergui – Fri. Dec. 8 , rd • Isaac Maya – Sun. Dec. 10th, • Yaakov Lasry Bar Sarah z”l the 23 of Kislev (Shabbat) (Uncle of Mr. Moises Benmergui) • Mr. Laurent Becker – Mon. Dec. 11th, • Machluf Bitton Bar Salomon z”l the 24th of Kislev • Orly Benhayoun – Tue. Dec. 12th, (Father of Mr. Yehudah Bitton) • Mrs. Raquel Benarroch – Wed. Dec. 13th, • Perle Nissel Shoshan Bat Bella z”l the 26th of Kislev (Grandmother of Mr.Amichai Shoshan)

בס''ד Community Shiurim

Weekday mornings:

• 6:10AM to 6:45AM: Laws of Nidah. New participants welcome!

• 7:30AM Shiur on Hok Leyisrael with Breakfast! Everyone Is Welcome to Join. • 7:45AM to 8:30AM: Daf Yomi Masechet Menahot. NEW DAF YOMI MASECHET! New participants are welcome! It is a great time to start learning the Daf and join thousands of Jews across the world in this incredible project.

• 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM: Mishna Berura Dirshu Cycle! New participants welcome!

Weekday afternoons:

• Before Minha o Monday through Thursday: Shiurim in Spanish on assorted topics.

• After Arvit: o Mondays & Wednesdays: Hoshen Mishpat – Business Halacha o Every Thursday evening after Arvit Hilchot Nida in Depth for Men. o Tuesday Assorted Topics

In Recess for the Summer o Monday & Tuesday at 7:00pm Masechet Berachot in French o Every other Monday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Class to Women. o Every other Tuesday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Classes to Men.

• SHIUR for Ladies! The Rabbi’s Shiur on Halachot of Kashrut NEW SERIES ON Hilchot Basar Vechalav, (Laws pertaining to Meat & Milk) to Ladies, in the Bet Hakenesset, every Tuesday afternoon at 2:05 pm. New Participants are always Welcome! In Recess

Shabbat:

• Shabbat night before Arvit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week. • Shabbat Morning: Lecture on the Parashah of the week. • Shabbat Morning – Daf Yomi at 8:00am. • Shabbat Afternoon – Shiur at 4:20pm • Spanish Shiur – with Simon Chocron One hour before Minha • Seudat Shelishit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week.

בס''ד WEEKLY INSPIRATION Yaakob thus feared that if “Ha’mahaneh Ha’ahat” – his children’s mothers – would be “Son of Your Maidservant” lost, then the “Mahaneh Ha’nishar,” his (Rabbi Eli Mansour Daily Halacha) children, would lose their source of guidance and direction, and would be unable to In the beginning of Parashat Vayishlah, we continue their spiritual growth. read that Yaakob Abinu was gripped with fear when he learned that his brother, Esav, was In one of the chapters of Tehillim which we approaching with an army of four hundred recite as our Hallel prayer, King David men. He offered an impassioned prayer to G- proudly proclaims to the Almighty, “Ani d, prepared for the prospect of battle by Abdecha, Ani Abdecha Ben Amatecha” – “I dividing his family and belongings, and sent am Your servant, I am Your servant the son Esav a generous gift of appeasement. of Your maidservant” (Tehillim 116:16). Revealingly, David attributes his sense of Many commentators raised the question of “Abdecha,” his subservience to G-d, to his why Yaakob was afraid. Many years earlier, mother, to the fact that she was G-d’s when he first fled from Eretz Yisrael to “maidservant.” David’s father was Yishai, escape from Esav, G-d appeared to him in a who, as Hazal teach, was one of only four prophetic vision and guaranteed to protect people in history who never committed a him and bring him back home safely (28:15). single sin throughout their lives. And yet, If G-d gave him an explicit promise of although he had a remarkably saintly and protection, what did he have to fear? pious father, he gave the credit for his One answer is that Yaakob was not afraid for religious growth specifically to his mother. It his physical safety, or for that of his family. was her example, devotion and nurturing that Rather, he feared for his children’s spiritual turned him into G-d’s loyal servant. wellbeing. While of course fathers also play a vital role The Torah tells that when Yaakob divided his in children’s education and development, the family and possessions, he said, “If Esav primary role is played by the mothers. By comes upon the first camp and strikes it, the being G-d’s “maidservant,” faithfully devoting remaining camp will find refuge” (32:8). herself to the laws and values of Torah, the Curiously, Yaakob uses different grammatical mother is uniquely capable to raise forms in the two instances of the word committed, G-d-fearing Jews who will bring “Mahaneh” (“camp”) in this statement. In the pride and glory to their parents, to their phrase “upon the first camp,” Yaakob community, and to the entire Jewish Nation. employs the feminine form (“Ha’mahaneh Ha’ahat”), whereas in the second phrase – “the remaining camp” – he uses the masculine form (“Ha’mahaneh Ha’nishar”). The reason, perhaps, is that the first instance Every Penny Has a Purpose of the word “Mahaneh” refers specifically to We read in Parashat Vayishlah the famous his four wives. Yaakob’s fear was that Esav story of Yaakob’s wrestle with an angel, might kill or capture his wives, which would whom our Sages identify as “Saro Shel Esav” result in the remaining camp, his children, – Esav’s angel that was sent from the becoming “refugees,” lost and without heavens to fight against Yaakob Abinu. direction. Yaakob understood that the education and religious development of a The Torah tells that the angel attacked child depends primarily upon his or her Yaakob when he was alone – “Va’yivater mother. The mother is the one who guides, Yaakob Le’bado” (32:24). The Gemara directs and inspires the children, and instills explains – surprisingly – that Yaakob was within them an awareness of love for G-d. alone because “Shachah Pachim Ketanim” –

בס''ד he forgot some small utensils. As he and his The man was in shock. Ever since the day he family were making their way back to Eretz found that cup by his bed, it was one of his Yisrael, he moved everything across a most treasured possessions. He drove all the stream, and then realized that there were way back to his previous home in order to some small, cheap items which he forgot on retrieve it. It was very special to him, because the other side, so he went back to get them. it was given to him directly by G-d. This seems very difficult to understand. This is how Yaakob looked at all his Yaakob by now was a very wealthy man. Did possessions, and this is what the Gemara he really need to go back for these small meant when it said that the righteous cherish utensils? Imagine a multimillionaire, who everything they have. They look at all their owns factories and apartment buildings, is worldly belongings, down to the very last traveling and realized that he forgot in his simple utensil, as a gift from Hashem. If we hotel room a mug he had purchased for own something – no matter how small or $4.95. Would he go back to the hotel to get insignificant it might seem – it means that it? Of course not. Yet, Yaakob went back in Hashem wanted us to have it. This is true of the middle of the night to retrieve some small, our homes, our cars, our businesses and our inexpensive items, thus exposing himself to appliances, and it is true of our clothing and danger, and he was indeed attacked. Why our silverware. And if Hashem gave us did he do that? something, it is because He wants us to use it for a purpose. Our dining tables and As if this were not surprising enough, the kitchenware are to be used for honoring Gemara continues, “We see from here that Shabbat and Yom Tob, and for hosting the money of the righteous is more beloved to them than their bodies.” Why would the guests. The basketball hoop in our driveway righteous cherish their money? Doesn’t the is for the children to exercise and release Torah teach not to place such emphasis on energy so they could develop physically and money? emotionally and grow to be loyal students and followers of Torah. One answer suggests an analogy to a very poor man who could not even afford a cup This awareness should have a profound with which to wash his hands for Netilat impact upon everything we do. Once we Yadayim. He tearfully begged G-d to provide realize that each and every penny we have, him with a cup so he could at least fulfill this and each and every thing we own, is given to daily Misva, and sure enough, the next us by G-d for a purpose, then we will be morning he found next to his bed on the floor especially careful with the way we use our a simple cup with a sign which read, “Here is money and all our possessions. Nothing we the cup you asked for.” The man trembled have is insignificant. Everything is a precious with excitement and shouted for joy, knowing gift, which we must ensure to use for a that his prayers were answered. worthwhile purpose – the purpose for which Hashem gave it to us. Sometime later, the man regained his financial footing and eventually became wealthy. He moved into a large house some distance from the small shack where he had lived, and after the movers finished bringing all his belongings he asked about the small cup that he kept under his bed. The movers said that they left it in his old shack. “We figured, you’re such a wealthy man, so why would you need this cup?”

בס''ד Putting a Different Spin On The Chafetz Chaim responds that on the contrary, this is not a reflection of “I Did Not Learn from His haughtiness. It is a reflection of tremendous Evil Ways” humility. The point Yaakov is making is the following: I saw what it means to have (Rabbi Frand from Torah.org) mesiras nefesh. I saw what it means to have I recently saw a teaching of the Chafetz devotion to a cause. I saw how Lavan Chaim on a Rashi in Parashat Vayishlach. In worked and how he acted. He did not rest truth, this teaching does not really fit in well until he completed his task. Of course, with the first part of Rashi on the same Lavan’s activities were evil — but his pasuk, but we will place it in the category of devotion and dedication to these evil actions “Ayn Meshivin al ha’Drush” (one cannot be was uncompromising. Halevie (if only), I too pedantic in questioning homiletic would have learned from him how to be expositions). The idea is that if the thought is devoted to my lifestyle and value system the true, we accept it for its mussar value even if way he was devoted to his value system. the underlying source may not really be Unfortunately, “I did not learn from his evil saying what the teaching claims it is saying. actions.” Namely, I failed to be inspired to adopt his dedication, and apply that Rashi gives a couple of interpretations of the dedication to my own lifestyle. expression Yaakov sent to his brother Eisav: “I have sojourned with Lavan (im Lavan Recently I had two “aha” moments that struck garati)” [Bereshit 32:4]. First Rashi says, “I me in this vein. did not become a dignitary or a notable, but Last Friday, I went to pick up my dry cleaning remained a mere sojourner (ger). It does not at my Korean-owned dry cleaners. The befit you to hate me over the blessing of your fellow is an immigrant who barely speaks father who blessed me, ‘Be a lord to your English. Sometimes there is a brothers,’ for it has not been fulfilled in me.” communication gap when talking with him. I Then, Rashi quotes a famous Medrash that said to him, “Nu, did you enjoy your the numerical value of garti (gimel-reish-tof- Thanksgiving?” He said, “Yeah, I watched yud) is 613, as if to say, ‘I sojourned with football.” Ten years ago, he did not know Lavan, the evil one, yet I kept the six hundred what a football looked like. Now he spends and thirteen commandments and did not Thanksgiving watching football games. I learn from his evil ways. said, “Which game did you watch?” He said, “I watched all three.” A football game lasts Someone asked the Chafetz Chaim, “How approximately three hours. This means he could Yaakov Avinu make such a bold spent nine straight hours of his “vacation” on statement which literally borders on Thanksgiving watching football. Halevie, I haughtiness. Here he is meeting his brother should be able to sit by a Gemara for nine after all these years and is saying, “You straight hours. However, (unfortunately), “I should know I am a Tzadik. I kept all 613 did not learn from his evil ways.” mitzvos.” Does this not smack of gayvah [haughtiness]? Then, Friday morning, I was in the car listening to the radio. NPR had a reporter The Chafetz Chaim addressed the question reporting live from a Target store in Rockville, by focusing on the last words of Yaakov (as MD. Everybody knows that last Friday was quoted in the Medrash), “and I did not learn “Black Friday” (the Friday after Thanksgiving from his (Lavan’s) ways.” For the purpose of when major sales take place to launch the this drasha, let us concentrate on those “Xmas shopping season.”) The Target store words: How did Yaakov have the gayvah to opened at 5:00 am, and they were offering say categorically, “I did not learn any bad 31-inch flat screen television sets at a great habits from Lavan?” price. Of course, they only had a limited

בס''ד supply, and there were no rain checks for this Becoming an accomplished scholar in Torah item. First come, first served. learning requires total devotion. This was the biggest treasure Rav Gifter found in Mexico A fellow waited in line from 9:00 pm the City — the lesson that when one is devoted previous night. This means, after eating his to an enterprise — be it business or (l’havdil) turkey, he waited in line from 9:00 pm learning Torah — it must totally consume Thursday night to 5:00 am Friday morning. I him. just cannot think of anything in this world for which I would “camp out overnight” for eight This is what Rashi means when he explains hours straight. “And I did not learn from his Yaakov’s message to Eisav “I did not learn evil ways” (how I should be acting with from Lavan’s evil ways.” He was not enthusiasm and mesiras nefesh for those bragging. It was not a statement he was things that I believe in)! proud to make. It was a confession. Nebach, I had a great teacher. He was a The final thing that hit me in this vein is tremendous mentor in the attribute of something I once heard from Rav Gifter. devotion; and nevertheless I failed to learn Rav Gifter once travelled to Mexico to collect from his actions. V’Lo Lamaditi m’ma’asav money on behalf of the Telshe Yeshiva. Rav ha’raim. Gifter wanted to see a certain individual who As I mentioned at the outset, this does not was apparently a very wealthy man, in order necessary flow from the statement in the to ask him for a donation for the Yeshiva. Try pasuk, which implies “I kept the 613 mitzvos” as he might, whenever Rav Gifter would as a statement of accomplishment, but ayn come to the man’s house, the man was never meshivin al ha’drush. home. Whenever Rav Gifter appeared — morning, afternoon, evening, or weekends — Rav Gifter was told the fellow was not home

— he was “in the office”. Finally, Rav Gifter went to the man’s factory. Succot is a State of Mind He camped out there early in the morning, After Yaakov met Eisav, they (at least and was finally able to catch the man. Rav partially) reconciled, and then they decided to Gifter told him, “I do not understand you. go their separate ways. The pasuk says, “So Morning, evening, night — you are never Esav went back that day on his way toward home! What is going to be? What is going to Seir. Then Yaakov journeyed to Succot and be with your family?” built himself a house, and for his livestock he The person responded to Rav Gifter (in made shelters (Succot); therefore he called Yiddish): “Men darff liggen in gesheft,” the name of the place Succot.” [Bereshit loosely translated as, “in order to be 33:16-17]. successful in business, ‘one must live in his There are two problems with this pasuk. The business!’” first is that Yaakov only called the name of I do not know if Rav Gifter collected anything the place Succot after he got there (after he in Mexico City during that trip, but when he erected the shelters (Succot) for the came back to the Telshe Yeshiva, he gave a livestock). Nevertheless, the pasuk says “he mussar schmooze to the students and kept journeyed to Succot” as if that was the pre- repeating this phrase “you need to be totally existing name of the town. Of course, we can consumed by your business.” say that the pasuk is speaking in “prophetic future tense” — i.e., Yaakov journeyed to the Rav Gifter used this sentence repeatedly as a place that in the future he would name metaphor for his own students, and for many Succot. However, it is strange to find it other Torah students from other yeshivas: “If written that way. a person wants to be successful in Torah learning, he must LIVE in Torah 24/7.”

בס''ד The other question is that it seems that difference after 120 years. They are all Yaakov named the town for a very transitory. insignificant fact — namely the structures he They are like a Succah. When someone is built for his cattle. Why is the town out camping, he does not put up a house for (apparently) named for the huts he made for his ten-day camping trip. People put up his livestock? tents, because it is just a temporary situation. The author of the sefer Milchemes Yehuda Yaakov traveled to Succot: “Now I am discusses these questions. He says that the starting my life — I have finished with Lavan, pasuk is teaching that Succot is not merely a I have finished with Eisav – so now I am place on the map — it is a state of mind. The beginning. My mindset is to Succot.” I called Torah is teaching that Yaakov Avinu is now the name of the city I would live in entering the final stage of his life. Yaakov “Temporary Huts” [Succot] because I am lived in his parents’ house for many years, making a statement for myself and for my during which time he sat and learned. Then children that this entire world must be viewed he went to Yeshivas Shem V’Ever for another in the context of a temporary dwelling — fourteen-year period where, again, he sat and “Succot.” learned. Then, as a fugitive running for his With this idea, the Milchemes Yehuda life, he left Eretz Yisrael — the Promised interprets a puzzling Gemara [Shabbat 33a]. Land — and worked by Lavan for twenty After mentioning that Yaakov named the city years. He worked for one wife, then he Succot, the next pasuk says, “Yaakov came worked for another wife, and then he needed intact to the city of Shechem which is in the to earn a bit of a livelihood for himself. This land of Canaan, upon his coming from was all a prelude for the final stage of his life. Paddan-aram, and he encamped before the Now, Yaakov is coming back to Eretz Yisrael. city (va’yichan et pnai ha’ir)” [Bereshit 33:18]. In today’s terminology, he is finally “settling The Gemara asks, what does “he encamped down.” before the city” mean? The Gemara gives Yaakov makes a decision. He said to three interpretations: Rav answers, “He himself, when I was by Lavan, I saw what is minted a coin for them” (matbeah tiken involved in earning a living. I saw how Lavan lahem). Shmuel answers, “He founded acts. I am now beginning “the rest of my life.” market places for them (shevakim tiken I have seen enough of life to know that lahem).” Rav Yochanon says, “He founded materialism (gashmiyut) and the struggle to for them bath houses (merchatzaot tiken make a living and all other mundane pursuits lahem).” in this world can become a person’s raison This is strange. Yaakov arrives in Shechem d’etre — they can become the reason for a and he suddenly decides to invent a person’s existence. I do not want this to monetary system? He invents shopping happen to me because I know that the only malls? He brings in spas? What does this thing that counts in this world is spirituality mean? (ruchniyut) and service of Hashem. All the rest is just peripheral. It may be necessary, The Milchemes Yehuda says that Yaakov but it is only a means to an end. came into this city after he established this principle that the whole world has to be So therefore, when the pasuk says that looked at as “Succot.” He asked himself — Yaakov traveled to Succot, it is not referring what consumes these people? Number 1 — to the name of that town. It is referring to this coinage; Number 2 — shopping; Number 3 concept that a person must look at his pursuit — spas — the good life. He told them, “My of gashmiyus — the material things in life — friends, you have it all wrong. This is not the houses, livelihood, cattle — as merely just way to live. You must view your major travelling “to Succot.” It is all temporary. A activities in life from a different perspective.” person cannot take it with him. All these acquisitions are not going to make a bit of

בס''ד According to the Milchemes Yehuda’s pole. Above that is plant life — trees, and so reading of the Gemara, the words tiken forth. Above that are animals, fish, fowl, and lahem in each of the three opinions does not insects. At the top of the pyramid is the mean “he founded” or “he established,” as human being, who has the capacity of the simple reading of the Talmudic text might speech. lead us to believe. He interprets the verb At first glance, it seems that the distance tiken to mean, “he fixed or improved” (from between the top (medaber) and the bottom the infinitive l’saken — to fix). Rav interprets (domem) of the totem pole is vast, equal to that Yaakov tried to teach them the proper “the distance between east and west.” There perspective they should have about money. is nothing lowlier than a stone. It is It is not everything in life! Shmuel says that something we step on. On the other hand, he did not establish market places. On the man stands at the pinnacle of existence. The contrary, he tried to convince them that Milchemes Yehudah says: Yes and no. shopping is not the be-all and end-all of Stones can be the lowest of the low, existence. There is no mitzvah to stand nine something we merely trod upon. And yet hours in line at night to buy a 31-inch stones — if they are used properly — can last television set at a discounted price. Finally, for thousands of years. Rabbi Yochanan said he tried to “fix” their attitude towards bath houses — just to live an America is a relatively young country. How epicurean existence, luxuriating for hours on old is the “New World?” — It is four hundred, end in warm soapy water is not what this maybe five hundred years old at most. world is all about. However, in Europe, you can see stone buildings that are 1,000 years old. In Eretz Tiken does not mean he invented. He tried to Yisrael, the Kotel Ha’Ma’aravi is made out of be “metaken” — to correct their perspective stones from the period of the Second Bet in each of the three areas of life cited by HaMikdash — well over 2,000 years old! these three Rabbinic opinions. If you want a memorial to last for literally

thousands of years, you use stone. The lowly stone that is a mere “domem,” which is stepped on — if used properly — can have Man is Like Stone an almost everlasting impression. Human Finally, I wish to share one last observation beings can be similar. They can come into from the aforementioned sefer, relating to the this world, not do what they are supposed to concept of a tombstone (matzeivah), which do, live and die, decompose and typify the we find in this week’s parsha. Yaakov took a statement, “From dust you were taken, and to stone and made it into a matzeivah for his dust you will return” [see Bereshit 3:19]. On beloved wife, Rachel [Bereshit 35:20]. the other hand, if human beings reach their potential, they can have lasting effects for This is something we do until this very day. thousands of years. We erect monuments to departed loved ones out of stone. The sefer Milchemes Yehuda We are still reading about Rav Yochanan and provides an interesting insight to explain why Rav and Shmuel. They lived in the fifth and we make matzeivos out of stone. sixth century. We are still reading the words of the prophet Yeshayahu. We are still We all know that the world consists of four reading the words of Moshe Rabbeinu, which categories of entities: Those who speak are thousands of years old. Jews all over the (medaber) e.g., humans; those who are alive world spend countless hours a week (chai) e.g., all other creatures; those that analyzing the words of Rashi (on Bible and grow (tzomeach) e.g., vegetation; and Talmud). Rashi lived almost a thousand inanimate objects (domem). The category of years ago, and still has a powerful effect on inanimate objects (of which rocks are a all of us. classic example) is at the bottom of the totem

בס''ד In a sense, men are like stones. They can on the ground and be trodden upon or it can have a tremendous effect, but if they do not be erected into a structure that can last for a use their lives correctly, they can leave the thousand years. The same applies to man. world without making any impact whatsoever. If we fulfill our mission in life, we can have That is why the appropriate memorial for a influence for generations upon generations. If human being is a matzeivah made out of not “we came from dust, and we will return to stone. The stone teaches us a lesson. It dust.” teaches us that everything depends with what one does with an item. A stone can remain

Deracheha Darche Noam Its intention. On the other hand, acting in a way Ways Are Ways of that is normally a sin, but which is transformed into a mitzvah by virtue of the Pleasantness intention with which it is performed, (Rabbi Zev Leff) conditions one to the sinful act. And the next time the action is done it might be without the And Yaakov was very frightened and proper intention and remain a sin through and distressed (Bereshit 32 7). through. Rashi comments that Yaakov was frightened For this reason, immediately after the Torah lest he or members of his family be killed, commands us to destroy an, a city in which and he was distressed that he might be most of the inhabitants have been seduced to forced to kill others. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, idolatry, Hashem tells us He will give us the zt"l, asks: Why was Yaakov distressed that quality of mercy (Devarim 1318). Since he might be put into a position of having to kill fulfilling this mitzvah can condition one to be Esav or one of his four hundred wicked cruel and merciless, the Chafetz Chaim companions? Wasn't this an opportunity to rid explains, G-d promises a special blessing to the world of evil-a reason to rejoice, not to be counteract its effects. distressed? Reb Moshe answers with the words of Beruriah to her husband, R' Meir The Midrash relates that Yehudah intended (Berachot 10a): better to pray that evildoers to pass by Tamar when she stood at the repent than to pray that the wicked die. crossroads masquerading as a harlot. But Yaakov was distressed that he might have to Hashem said to Himself, as it were If you kill to remove evil from the world. pass by, where will the future kings and prophets come from? From where will There is an inherent danger in using methods Mashiach come? Hashem then sent the that are normally associated with negative angel of desire to force Yehudah to confront values to achieve desirable goals. The Tamar. The Midrash ends that this was done classic example is the sin for the sake of against Yehudah's will and not for his benefit. Heaven, which the Gemara (Nazir 10b) says is equal to a mitzvah done shelo lishmah-i.e., The obvious question is if G-d's purpose was for ulterior motives. The Vilna Gaon asks if to produce kings, prophets, and ultimately so, why do Chazal advise one to engage in Mashiach himself, how could this action be the performance of Mitzvot shelo lishmah and described as "not for his benefit?" The not in the performance of aveiros lishmah. He answer is now clear. The undesirable answers that while the result in both cases conduct posed a continuing threat to may be the same, doing Mitzvot without the Yehudah that he might become habituated to proper intention, at least conditions a person such actions. to performance of the mitzvah, and eventually A person is punished for achieving a he will perform the mitzvah with the proper desirable result if it could have been done in

בס''ד a way that would bring less pain or discomfort evil of idolatry, he was nothing more than an to others. Yaakov's suffering in taking Esav's ordinary murderer. blessings caused Esav to cry a great and In Shemoneh Esre we invoke G-d's curse on bitter cry. And that cry found its parallel, the heretics and informers in the blessing hundreds of years later, when Esav's "velamalshinim." When this blessing had to descendant Haman caused Mordechai to let be added due to the physical and spiritual out a great and bitter cry. persecution that the Jews were suffering at Similarly, Yaakov castigated Shimon and Levi the hands of these evildoers, Shmuel for using methods stolen from Esav-murder Hakatan was chosen to compose it, the same and deception-to accomplish the rescue of Shmuel Hakatan who said, "When your Dinah. Part of the remedy for the blemish left enemy falls, be not glad" (Pirkei Avos 4 24). by their deeds was that the descendants of Although he did no more than quote a verse Levi became teachers of little children. in Mishlei, Shmuel Hakatan's statement is recorded in Pirke Avot because he lived it. Levi made the mistake of thinking that the His entire being and conduct proclaimed the ends justify the means. In the education of verse in Mishlei. Only one with such pure children, the exact opposite is true. When we feelings towards his enemies could compose teach a child to perform Mitzvot, we are not a tefillah calling for their destruction. concerned with the end, the mitzvah, since a child's actions are not themselves Mitzvot, The blessing velamalshinim was instituted in but with the means, the performance of Yavneh, writes Rabbi Yaakov Emden, and mitzvah actions. These mitzvah actions, in the name hints to 14, (wine), spices, light, which a parent is required to educate his and (the blessing of havdalah). One should child, conditions the child to function in a like first try to draw the sinner close with joy and manner when he matures. Hence, the happiness and by helping him feel the mitzvah of chinuch banim (teaching children) pleasant savor of Torah and its illumination. is the antithesis of the mistaken ideology that Only when all these fail, should he separate the ends justify the means. himself totally. He should utilize spices to Furthermore, if one utilizes improper means ensure that his actions will have a pleasant to achieve a mitzvah, he will be punished if aroma and not cause a stench. The way to his intentions are not completely pure. Since do this is through illumination and the action itself is a sin-and only the person's enlightenment with the pure light of the intention transforms it into a mitzvah-where candle. Rather than attacking the darkness, that intention is lacking, the action reverts to one should transform it into light. its original status. Thus, when Pinchas killed Rabbi Chaim Brisker pointed out that there Zimri and Kozbi for desecrating G-d's Name, are two types of zealots - one praiseworthy Hashem Himself had to testify that his and one not. They can be compared to a intentions were pure to answer the complaint housewife and a cat. The housewife and the of the tribes that he was a murderer. Had his cat both want to rid the the house of mice. intentions been tainted, he would, in fact, There is only one difference: the housewife have been a murderer. hopes there will never be another mouse to Sforno (Vayikra 2423) points out that even eliminate; the cat is hopeful that there will be when a criminal is executed, the penalty must many more mice. be inflicted only in fulfillment of G-d's Before we are zealous to attack the evils of command and not out of any personal desire the world, let us make sure that we are acting for vengeance. Yehu lost all his reward for as housewives not as cats, so that we can wiping out the house of Achav because he merit through our ways of pleasantness to too subsequently served idolatry, and thereby attract our estranged brothers to Torah and showed that his motives were not pure. Since Mitzvot. he was not motivated by his disgust with the

בס''ד Struggling With Angels Respite from outside tensions is not an invitation to take it easy but an opportunity to Yaakov was left alone and a man wrestled with exert oneself more in attaining perfection. The him until the break of dawn (Bereshit 32 24). problem with Yaakov's desire for tranquillity was in the fact that he sought to sit, to remain A society in which technology enables us to at rest, and not to utilize his respite to be able deal effortlessly with many of life's difficulties to redouble his efforts. raises the issue of the value of challenges and struggles. The Torah's view on this question Hashem responded, "It is not enough what is lies at the center of the account of the struggle already prepared for the tzaddik in Olam Haba. between Yaakov and the angel. It is never enough. There is always potential for more. And yet he wants to remain at rest?" According to one Midrash (Bereshit Rabbah Hashem will not permit that, for it is detrimental 77:3) the angel who confronted Yaakov was for the tzaddik. And therefore Yaakov was Esav's archangel, Satan himself. He came to presented with a new challenge-the sale of obstruct and deter Yaakov on his return to Yosef- to prevent him from remaining static. Eretz Yisrael. Another Midrash however, says that the angel was Michael, the patron of The struggle between Yaakov and the angel Yaakov and the Jewish people. To make has far reaching significance for us today. The matters even more difficult, Rashbam writes Talmud says that the dust kicked up by Yaakov that Yaakov sought to run away from Esav, and and the angel reached up to the Throne of Michael came to restrain him by demonstrating Glory, signifying the effect of that struggle on all to Yaakov that Hashem's promise to him would future Jewish history. (The Throne of Glory be fulfilled. represents G-d's Providence. the guiding force in history.) To resolve these seeming contradictions we must understand the Torah's view of man's During the struggle the angel took on different struggle. Mesilas Yesharim describes life as disguises. According to one opinion, he came one of struggle. Hashem put the neshamah as a talmid chacham. Another opinion says that (soul) into a physical body in order for it to earn he came as a robber. Sometimes a person Olam Haba through its efforts to overcome the wants to elevate himself, but something stands yetzer hara. It is this struggle which elevates a in his way. That is the Satan- the robber - who person and enables him to reach the ultimate seeks to deny the person what he wants. That goal of achieving the World to Come. denial is to challenge him and cause him to appreciate all the more his accomplishments. Upon his return to Eretz Yisrael, Yaakov On the other hand, there is the angel who tries wanted to sit in peace after all the trials of his to pull a person up when he wants to stay put. life: flight from his brother Esav, life in the That is Michael, the talmid chacham. Yaakov house of Lavan, the tragedy with Dinah and the wanted to avoid problems; Michael forced the death of Rachel. He came back to Eretz Yisrael struggle upon him in order to elevate him ready to begin a life of tranquillity. Immediately, higher. Yosef was taken away. Hashem responded, says the Midrash, by saying "Is that which is At the end of the night, the angel asked to be prepared for tzaddikim in the next world not set free, but Yaakov refused. While at the enough? Do they also want to have tranquillity beginning of the night Yaakov sought to avoid in this world?" the confrontation, by night's end he realized that the struggle was essential to his very Is it, then, impossible for a tzaddik to have good existence. in both worlds? Do Chazal not tell us that not everyone merits two tables - this world and the And why did the angel want to go? He wanted next-thereby implying that some do merit both? to sing to Hashem. His time to sing only came in the morning. Rabbi Dessler explains that Like all rhetorical questions, that of Hashem in when an angel fulfills its purpose, that is the the Midrash is really a statement of fact. Man song it sings. The angel, whether it be Satan or was put into this world to grow, not to remain Michael, exists to give us the chance to fight stationary. Through that growth man acquires an ever greater portion in the World to Come.

בס''ד and be successful, and when we are successful The angel struck Yaakov in the hip joint and then the angel, too, has fulfilled its mission. saw that he was a man. Yaakov was wounded; he had failed a little; but he did not give up and In this light we can understand why the angel become depressed. Because he knew who he did not tell Yaakov his name. Angels' names and what he was, he could overcome; it was change with their function. Yaakov's struggle only a minor setback and he continued the represents all struggles Jews have faced and struggle. A tzaddik can fall seven times and still will face throughout history. Each man's continue to get up. He deals with each failure struggles in life are different, depending on his and remains in control. unique nature. What is easy for one person is difficult for another. Thus, every person has a The Torah gives us a constant reminder of slightly different Satan and Michael to fight with. Yaakov's struggle the prohibition on eating the Consequently, the angel could not give a single aid hanasheh (the sciatic nerve). Sforno name. explains that we thereby show that the place where Yaakov was wounded is not important. Where does a person derive the power to carry That is how a person must deal with failure. on these struggles? The Midrash (Bereshit When you fail in one area you cannot become Rabbah 771) states: "There is none like G-d; de- pressed over it. What's the aid hanasheh- yet who is like G-d? Jeshurun [which means nothing important. We throw it away. Every Yisrael, the Patriarchl. Just as it is written of G- time a person refrains from eating the aid d, 'And the Lord alone shall be exalted' (Isaiah hanasheh, he is reminded not to be 211). So, too, of Yaakov: 'And Yaakov was left overwhelmed by adversity. alone' (Bereshit 32 25).' Each negative prohibition in the Torah Both Hashem and Israel possess the quality of corresponds to a different day of the year. The being alone. No outside power has an effect on aid hanasheh corresponds to Tishah B'Av, a Hashem. Nothing adds to or subtracts from His day of destruction. Other nations would have Essence. A Jew has the power to a certain been devastated by the loss of their land and degree to emulate Hashem in this respect. If a independence. But Klal Yisrael continues on, person has the inner strength of character and even in galus. 'G-d thrust us into the darkness'- knows who he is, then nothing external, no this refers to the Babylonian Talmud" problem or challenge, can deter him. He (Sanhedrin 24a). Out of the darkness of galus, recognizes that all external obstacles are just the Chafetz Chaim explains, comes the that -external. He remains strong, for his incentive to achieve, to produce. It is the essence remains untouched. He knows that darkness that is the motivating force in the even if he fails it is only in unessential matters. continuation and enhancement of the Oral He may be slowed down but he perseveres; he Torah - Talmud Bavli. Klal Yisrael was is not overwhelmed. wounded when we had to leave Eretz Yisrael, And what is the inner strength of a Jew-Torah. but we continued to function and gain strength Yaakov is the personification of Torah. He through the struggle. represents the strength of character that Torah Chazal say that when the First Temple was builds. destroyed, the cherubim embraced each other. Yaakov was wounded in the thigh. Midrash One represented G-d and the other Yisrael. Tanchuma relates that the angel wanted to Hashem shook us to our very foundation by know how Yaakov could keep up the fight for destroying the Bet Hamikdash and forcing us to so long, and concluded that he must be an limp away into galus, but at the same time He angel himself. The difference between angels guaranteed that we retain the ability to return. and humans is that angels do not have a hip Failure itself is the incentive to rise and joint. They cannot sit. An angel is always ready continue. It is challenges and struggles that for action. Consequently, he never becomes give a person the chance to turn his life around. depressed or overwhelmed. A human does not Every negative thing in life can be used in a have this ability. He can be overwhelmed by a positive way. Rabbi Dessler points out that the situation, causing him to give up and sit down word, evil, inverted is, awaken. Evil is there for in inactivity. the purpose of awakening a person. Setbacks

בס''ד and obstacles in a person's life are not there to But we realize that we have the potential of immobilize him, but to offer a challenge, being Yisrael even when we are Yaakov, facing something to fight against in order to the setbacks and disappointments of life; we strengthen himself and earn his ultimate may be slowed down, but we will not give up. reward. In the end, the angel left Yaakov wounded, but Since Yaakov can now distinguish between the he did not sit down and bemoan his fate; he peripheral and the essential, he is no longer limped away. Once he showed that he could Yaakov but Yisrael. The name Yisrael signifies persevere, then Hashem took out the sun and his worthiness to receive the blessing. The healed him. This is a hint to Olam Haba, when name Yisrael represents struggle with man and Hashem will take out the bright light hidden at angel. Because he struggled he came face to Creation and with it heal the tzaddikim. There, face with Hashem. The struggle is the essence they will reach their highest level of perfection, of the name Yisrael. the culmination of all their struggles in this world with men and angels. That, too, is the greatness of Klal Yisrael. We deserve Hashem's blessing because we have Reprinted with permission from Artscroll Mesorah Publications, ltd. This article is provided as part of Shema Yisrael Torah Network the strength of character, derived from the Permission is granted to redistribute electronically or on paper, Torah, to be able to struggle even when we are provided that this notice is included intact. For information on subscriptions, archives, and other Shema Yisrael Classes, send mail wounded. Yaakov's name is changed but not to [email protected] completely. The name Yaakov still remains because the struggle goes on. At times we will be Yisrael and win; sometimes we will go back to being Yaakov. Life is full of ups and downs.

But trust me, if life were fair, you would be 5 Daily Mantras for Kids very unhappy. You have it pretty good.” (and Adults, too!) Try it on your kids, and even on yourself, when you start to feel anger because things Five phrases to help you and your child seem imbalanced. For example, there are put things in perspective when the days millions of people starving and suffering are feeling especially long. without basic food, clothing, and shelter. If we (By Sarah Pachter) were to collect and redistribute all the 1. Hurt kids hurt kids. resources of the world equally, we would surely end up with a lot less than what we Hearing that your child is being bullied or currently have. socially isolated can be devastating to hear. But understanding that bullies hurt others 3. I love you too much to argue because they have pain inside can be a The book Love and Logic by Jim Fay and powerful lesson for children. Charles Fay, Ph.D. shares this phrase as a When a child is hurting, he wants to hurt great way to stop an argument in its tracks. It back. If a child is happy and secure inside, he especially works wonders if you have a little shouldn’t feel the need to be mean. When a negotiator in your midst. Some children child is happy, he will laugh and smile, naturally take a mile when you give an inch, spreading joy to those around him. I would and this phrase really cuts out arguments. even add that happy kids make others happy. This mantra can also be used in front of 2. Thank G-d life is not fair! others – like guests – if you want to avoid an embarrassing exchange. Simply state, “I love Every parent has heard this phrase: “It’s not you too much to argue.” If you find that your fair!” Nip this complaint in the bud by child just won’t stop asking, you can respond responding, “Yes! You’re right, life isn’t fair. with a calm “end of discussion,” and walk away. Argument over.

בס''ד 4. Everything you need is inside of you. 7 Common Mindsets to This phrase originates from a song my daughter learned in camp this past summer. Discard before Marriage Not only was it adorable, but extremely Learning the art of flexibility. (By B. Gordon) empowering for her – and me – to hear Congratulations, you found the one and repeatedly. you’re about to start a wonderful new life This phrase combats jealousy, feelings of together! Marriage is like the big moving day. inadequacy, and mental weakness. A child Rule number one is: discard, then organize. may express the above feelings by whining, “I Here are some mindsets you may want to want ___, why can’t I have it?” She may also toss before taking the next big step in your claim a frustrated, “I can’t do it. It’s too hard!” life. G-d knows exactly what we can handle and 1. The “My Mom Did Things Differently” has given us the precise tools we need to Mindset become our best selves. Wearing someone Our past and our upbringing hugely impact else’s glasses to see is futile. We don’t need our adult lives and our perception of the that other person's shoes, house, or life. world. And you are about to marry someone Everything I need is inside of me. who had a completely different upbringing, A similar phrase that may work with older along with a whole different set of children is, “We always get what we need, expectations. The first step: Know that it’s but we don’t always get what we want.” okay to have been brought up with an entirely different take on things. Try not to harp on 5. You are so much stronger than you differences in upbringing, and instead forge a even realize. common ground with a focus on the future. In circus performances when baby elephants are initially brought in, they are kept behind a 2. The “This Is How Things Should Be” low fence to prevent their escape. At first, Mindset many try to climb the gate but realize their We all have prewritten scripts of what our efforts are futile and give up. As time passes, spouses—and our lives—should look like. they grow to become exponentially stronger But the reality might be different. Toss the and larger. Adult elephants could easily climb script of how a husband, father, friend, that same fence if they were to attempt it. spouse and caretaker should feel, think, and However, they don’t realize their adult behave. Try to start on a blank sheet. You strength and obediently remain behind the may be pleasantly surprised by how much tiny fence, despite the low threshold. Even easier it is to accept the unexpected. though elephants are supposedly smart, they 3. The “Always Have the Last Word” maintain the weak mentality of their smaller Mindset selves. Lashing back when attacked feels so natural. We too are so much stronger than we realize. It’s hard not to go on offensive mode and Each day we gain strength and capability – prove we’re right when someone is pointing albeit a small amount – but the cumulative fingers. But marriage values harmony and effect over the years is amazing. connection over vindication. Shift the focus We can utilize these five phrases to help our from “you” vs. “me” to “we”— and avoiding a children – and ourselves – overcome daily harmful confrontation won’t prove as challenges, both big and small. challenging. 4. The “I Need to have Things My Way” Mindset Master the art of flexibility and acceptance. It's really not so tragic if your spouse is a

בס''ד latecomer while you’re a stickler, if he spends responsibility. But we did have an money a little more easily than you or if he amazing Shabbat. (By Benjamin Chafetz) doesn't squeeze the toothpaste out from the This Shabbat I had the tremendous privilege bottom up even though you do. But it is tragic to be a part of something amazing, beautiful when inflexibility and the inability to settle and enlightening. I am hoping El Al will see small differences destroy a marriage. this and understand that there is a much 5. The “It’s Everyone’s Fault but Mine better headline than the false headline Mindset” “Haredim Riot On Plane” which I currently see online. Blaming others usually just keeps the focus on the problem instead of working to solve it. Here is the short of it. Our El Al flight was Replace blame with personal responsibility. supposed to leave at 6:30pm. Three Choose to focus on what you can do for the members of the crew were late and we relationship instead of on what it lacks or started boarding at 8:30pm during which the whose fault it is. crew members arrived. At 9:10pm the flight doors were closed and everything was calm 6. The “No Thanks I Don’t Need You” for about an hour. Mindset At around 10pm many of the passengers who Having a fiercely independent streak can be were concerned about Shabbat starting huge advantage—except when the refusal to asking the crew members for detail about admit our vulnerabilities eats away at departure and no answers were given other openness and trust. It’s not always than we are leaving in 5 minutes. Keep in comfortable to admit that we need others in mind, that at 10:25pm sitting on a JFK our lives. But being open about our needs runway, El-AL’s website showed our flight as and being thankful to the people who fill the enroute having departed at 9:30PM. holes in our lives opens the doorway for emotional intimacy. I was sitting in business class, my seat was directly next to the stairs going to second 7. The “I’ve Got This All Under Control” floor, and 3 rows behind the first class food Mindset prep galley. I heard every exchange. At no We love to feel that we’re in control of our time was there any physical threat presented lives and how others behave. Problems creep by passengers concerned about Shabbat. I in when we suddenly realize that we’re not. am loathe to use the term Charedim; this was Try to accept others as they are. Allow things not some Neturei Karta protest full of black beyond your immediate control to take course clad chasidim spewing nonsense. These without pouncing, and let G-d take over the were Jews from all walks of life and varied hard work. backgrounds who were concerned about Even a partnership of two healthy, stable, Shabbat. and loving individuals has its challenges. At 11:35pm there were about 40 passengers, Learning the art of flexibility and of letting go myself included, who stood by the exit door can help turn a difficult marriage into a and expressed our wishes to disembark from harmonious relationship. the plane. By this time we were sitting on the tarmac for two and half hours. One of the stewardesses told us that if they take us back to the gate and we get off the plane we would lose our tickets and not be rebooked. I am That So-Called ‘Violent’ El not sure if she was trying to shock us into Al Flight sitting or if this was the real policy, but our response was unanimous: every single There was no violence, El Al lied to the person said that’s fine, we are okay with that, passengers and refuses to take

בס''ד just take us back to the gate so we don’t breakfast and the half a sandwich I had left violate Shabbat. from when I boarded the plane could very At one point, someone whom I later found out well be all we had to eat on Shabbat. I even to be Rabbi Shalom Ber Sorotzkin got on the put some nuts into my backpack for Shalosh intercom and said that he spoke to the pilot, Seudos (the third meal). and that the pilot guaranteed we would get to Everyone coming off the plane was united in the airport before Shabbat, and that he one thing – We believe in G-d and His Torah, (Rabbi Sorotzkin) arranged for everyone to and Shabbat was our gift and our inheritance have a place and a meal for Shabbat if they and we would keep it. As the first shuttle was did not have time get to where they needed full and started towards the airport everyone since we would arrive only one hour before broke into a song for Shabbat Kodesh. Shabbat. Once we got to the airport we were met by a Many of us, myself included, did not sit down woman from El Al who was very sweet and and expressed our desire to go back the took the time to explain to us that we were gate. would be staying across the street at a hotel At that point the captain came onto the and they would take us as soon as the other intercom. He told us we were going to go shuttles arrive. back to the gate as soon as everyone was As they led us into the hotel it was very seated. And we all went back to our seats. chaotic. There were four hotel clerks and I can’t begin to describe the sinking feeling in people started surging towards the front my stomach as I saw the plane turn away desk. At that point, one Rabbi, whom I later from the terminals and face the runway. In learned was Rabbi Akiva Katz, yelled above less than 6 minutes after telling us to return to the crowd and explained to everyone that we our seats to go back to the gate, we were in would need to create orderly lines in order the air. not to overwhelm the clerks. He also let us know that they had set aside a place for Four hours into the flight the Captain davening and that Chabad had prepared announced that because of the “haredim” the food. This helped reduce the stress in the plane would stop in Athens. At which point, room and the process became more orderly all the people who want to get off for Shabbat as people were focused on getting to their can get off the plane first, and then, all the rooms and ready for Shabbat in the 40 people who want to continue to Israel will minutes we had left to Shkia (the start of also have to get off the plane and go on a Sabbath). different plane from IsraAir to go to Israel. Walking into Kabbalat Shabbat service was What a shame… I wish El Al had announced beautiful. The room was full of 60 or 70 men the truth. We were stopping in Athens and about 10 women and everyone was because El-Al made a series of bad calls, singing. Rabbi Jesse Horn from Yeshiva and once they landed they could not depart Ateres Kohanim led Kabbalas Shabbat. We on Shabbat which is why they needed an non were all so happy to be able to keep El-Al plane to continue to Israel on Shabbat… Shabbat, and the davening and level of As the minutes crept closer to our arrival into simcha was very high. Athens there were discussions on the plane I think we must have danced four or five about whether it was halakhically better to times during Kabbalas Shabbat and Maariv. stay on the plane or to disembark in Athens. We had no clue what to expect. Would we After Kabbalas Shabbat we walked through stay in the airport? Was there a hotel? What the hotel to the dining area and what I saw would we eat? was beyond anything I could have imagined. When they served breakfast I realized that 85% of the dining area was reserved for our the packaged egg which they served for Shabbat meal. The tables were set beautifully

בס''ד with bottles of wine, grape juice and challah • My 150+ new friends and passengers rolls. Where the hotel usually displayed its who gave me an experience and Shabbat salad bars and assortment of cold meats, I will never forget. was now filled with platters of gefilte fish, 6 or I would like to leave off with a few thoughts 7 large bowls with a variety of salads and having just spent one of the most amazing dips, it was as if this had planned for weeks Shabboses of my life. in advance. There was plenty of meat dishes for the main course and an assortment of 1. 150+ Jews from all different backgrounds side dishes to accompany it. and orientations, wearing every outfit possible walked off a plane with one thought: The meal was beautiful and everyone sang We will keep Shabbat, even if it means songs and niggunim and there were many sleeping in an airport. Divrei Torah. 2. Unlike our great grandparents who were Shacharis was another beautiful davening fired if they did not work on Shabbat, or and it was interesting to see how it was a mix where were ostracized, and possibly of Nusach Sefard, Sefardi, Ashkenaz. After incarcerated for keeping Shabbat (in the davening several people went to the kitchen USSR), how often do we get a chance to help Rabbi and Rebbetzin Hendel (the sacrifice, to be moser nefesh for Shabbat? Chabad Shluchim in Athens) prepare for the This was a tremendous gift from G-d to us meal. that we had the chance to show how much There were also two classes being given, one we love G-d and his Torah, and we ALL took in Hebrew, and one in English by Rabbi Yossi it. Baumol. 3. Every parent in that hotel who was not able After the classes we went to the dining room to be home with their children that Shabbat where like the previous night there were taught their child a lesson that they could not copious amounts of delicious food. There have taught them in a 100 Shabbosim at were no labels at this meal, we sat in true home. They showed that Shabbat means so unity. much to Mommy, Tatty, Ima, Abba, etc that I would like to thank the following people. they would walk off a plane in the middle of a foreign country with no guarantee of food or a • Rabbi Shalom Ber Sorotzkin who had the place to sleep. foresight before the plane took off to have 4. Yom Tov in the Bet Hamikdash (Holy his organization contact El-Al and Chabad Temple, ed.) was probably like this Shabbat. and put pressure on to make this Shabbat Jews from all over coming together for G-d happen. and his mitzvos. • Rabbi and Rebbetzin Hendel, the Chabad May we merit to see Mashiach and the return Rabbi and Rebbetzin based in Athens, of the Bet Hamikdash. Greece. They got the call at 11am Friday With much love, Benjamin Chafetz. morning and by 4pm that same afternoon they had prepared a beautiful Shabbat for This article originally appeared on 150+ adults which was not lacikng in any israelnationalnews.com way.

DAILY HALACHOT

How Do Guest Light?

Halachot of Shabbat The Halacha discusses how a guest should (Daily Halacha) fulfil the Misva of Hanukah lighting in his

בס''ד host's home. In general, the guest should Maran in Siman 674 states that “Madlikin participate in the cost of the wicks and oil of Mi’ner L’ner”-It is permitted to light one his host by giving him a coin and thereby candle from another candle. For example, become a partner in his lighting. The most one may light the second candle from the common case today is when married children flame of the first candle. Since both candles spend a few days in their parent's home are a Misva, there is no problem. It is even during Hanukah. Is this also considered a permissible, according to the Sha’ar Ha’siyun classic case of a guest, in which they must (Rav Yisrael Meir Kagan of Radin, 1839- share the expense of their parent's Menorah 1933), to remove the candle from its place to lighting. Hacham Ovadia rules that since the light the other candle. The Ashkenazim are children are being hosted in every aspect- strict in this matter. However, all agree that sleeping, eating etc. they are not considered one may not light an ordinary candle from the guest, but rather members of the family. holy Hanukah candles. Therefore, they do not have to make a The Poskim discuss whether it is permitted to monetary arrangement with the head of the light a mundane candle, such as the household. Shamush, for the purpose of lighting the Hacham Bension concurs with this, based on candles of Misva. For example, if the the opinion of the GInat Veradim (Rabbi Shamush was extinguished while lighting the Avraham Ha-Levi, Egypt) who holds that the candles, may it be lit from the already lit Halacha of a guest applies only to instances Hanukah candles? Maran cites two opinions in which the guest is paying for his room and regarding this issue. The Stam (unattributed board; that is why he must also pay for opinion) rules that it is prohibited, and the participating in the Hanukah light. Yesh Omrim (minority opinion) is lenient. The Nevertheless, Hacham Bension holds that it Halacha is in accordance with the Stam that it is praiseworthy to take the stricter opinions is prohibited. into account and give the host a coin to If one of the candles was extinguished after participate. burning for only ten minutes, it is prohibited to If the guests are a family, it is sufficient that relight it from one of the other candles. Even just the father gives money to participate in though it is permitted to light a Misva candle, the Misva. If he would light for himself, in this case, the extinguished candle is no everyone else would be subsumed under longer considered a Misva, since “Kavta En him, so too they are included in his monetary Zakuk La”-If a Hanukah candle blows out participation. immediately after lighting, the Misva has already been fulfilled and there is no It is not necessary for the head of the obligation to relight it. Therefore, the household to add extra oil on behalf of the extinguished candle is considered a guests who gave him money, although the mundane candle. Mishna Berura cites opinions that do require it, and that is also the opinion of the Kaf This restriction only applies to the first half HaHaim (Yaakob Haim Sofer, 1870-1939 hour after the candles were lit. Afterward, the Jerusalem). In any event, the money given candles no longer have a status of Misva, only designates a small portion of the oil for and they may be used to light an ordinary the guest. He is not buying the entire cup, or candle. Moreover, after the first half hour, it is even half of it. even permissible to blow out the candles, according to many opinions. SUMMARY: Married children visiting their parents on Hanukah are not required to give SUMMARY: It is permissible to light a them money to participate in the lighting, Hanukah candle from another Hanukah although it is praiseworthy to do so. candle, but it is prohibited to light an ordinary candle from the Hanukah candles, even if the Using the Candles to Light Other Candles purpose of the ordinary candle is to light other Hanukah candles. Furthermore, it is

בס''ד prohibited to use a Hanukah candle to light This restriction applies only to the Hanukah another Hanukah candle that was lit but candles during their first half hour after being became extinguished immediately afterward. lit.

DAF YOMI

Daf Yomi Masechet father brought you to Volozhin, he said that his goal was that you should become a talmid Menahot chacham (Torah scholar), and you turned out (Daf Notes) to be an honest Jew who is kovei'a itim, but if you start out aspiring only that your son For whose Sake? should become a kovei'a itim, who knows There are those who maintain that a service what he'll actually become?" vessel does not sanctify without intention. In light of the Netziv's lesson to his former There are various explanations for this: 1. student, Rav Nissan Kaplan explains that Intention is not necessary because it is the when it comes to educating our children, we person who provides the sanctification have to aim for the stars and bring them up through the vessel, rather, it is the vessel with lofty goals and aspirations. Therefore, which sanctifies that which is inside of it - when the Torah is addressing a woman who there is a condition that it must be placed has just given birth, it specifically emphasizes inside with intention. [Oneg Yom Tov] this concept by hinting to her that although on 2. The intention is not for the purpose of a practical level she must begin by offering a sanctification; rather intention is needed that Korban Chatat, in her mind she must remain the vessel should perform that which it was focused on the big picture and the ultimate intended for. For example: The purpose of goal: the close relationship with Hashem the oven was to bake created by the Korban Olah. the minchah offering and the show breads. If he intended that the oven should bake these Korbanot loaves - even if he did not have In the times of the Bet HaMikdash, a person ‘‘sanctification’’ in mind, it is regarded as who sinned at least had the comfort of intention, and it sanctifies that which is inside knowing that he could bring a sacrifice to of it. However, those vessels - where items complete the atonement process prescribed placed inside of them are only for the by the Torah. In the absence of this option, purpose of sanctification - such items need to how can a person in our times fully repent be placed inside the service vessel for the and cleanse the effects of his transgression? sake of sanctification. [Mikdash Dovid] The Mabit offers us a tremendous Do we stop and think before the performance consolation. He writes that in the times of the of our daily actions? What is our intention? Bet HaMikdash, when Hashem’s presence Are we doing this for the sake of heaven, or could be tangibly perceived, the ramifications perhaps for ‘our own sake’? of a sin were correspondingly greater, thus necessitating the offering of a sacrifice to fully Aim for the Stars purify oneself from its spiritual damage. Since A businessman who had once studied in the its destruction, we have been living in an era illustrious Volozhin yeshiva brought his son to in which Hashem’s Providence is subtly learn in Volozhin. The father told the Rosh hidden. Yeshiva, the Netziv, "Please educate my son Reb Oizer Alport adds: While this makes it so that he will be an honest and upright Jew more difficult to feel and recognize His who will be kovei'a itim (make fixed times constant presence, it also effected a change each day to study Torah)." The Netziv in the amount of destruction caused by sin. replied, "You're making a mistake. When your

בס''ד Because the transgression doesn’t cause as the repentance process, namely correcting much damage as it once did, the bringing of a one’s ways, confessing the sin, and sacrifice is no longer required to effect accepting upon oneself never to do so again. complete atonement. Atonement may now be fully accomplished through the other steps of

KID’Z KORNER

1 Shimon, 2 Levi, 3 Yehuda, 4 Yissachar, 5 InterestIng MIdrash Zevulun, 6 Naftali, 7 Asher, 8 Binyamin, (from Torah Tots) and again - 9 Shimon, 10 Levi. TOUCHED BY A MALACH (ANGEL) It thus came out that Levi was the tenth, he The Torah informs us that when Yaakov was was the Maaser. alone on the other side of the river, a stranger Malach Michael then proclaimed, "Hashem, appeared and wrestled with him until Alot the Shevet (tribe) of Levi will be Your portion. Hashchar (the first sign of dawn). According They will be the ones who will serve you in to most Midrashim, this questionable creature your Bet Hamikdash (Holy Temple). was the Malach of Esav itself, who fought with him until dawn in an attempt to sneak in a few extra punches before the big face-off. However, one Midrash has a different twist (Revach) on the story. Kid’z Korner According to this other opinion, the sultry No Need to be Jealous! stranger was Yaakov's own Malach - Malach (Adapted from Mishle Yaakov, p. 74-75) Michael who's pet peeve was a promise that Yaakov made on the way to Charan. Yaakov sent messengers to his brother Esav Apparently when Yaakov Maasered with the following message: "everything he had acquired during his time "I stayed with Laban and delayed until now. I in Charan," he forgot one thing - his kids! acquired cattle, donkeys, sheep, servants "Here you have twelve sons and a daughter," and maid-servants. And now I sending word argued the Malach (Rachel was already to tell my lord, to gain favor in your eyes" pregnant with Binyamin). "Why have you not (Gen. 32:5-6). separated Maaser (tithe) from your sons?" Yaakov was clearly afraid of his brother's Yaakov immediately took out his abacus and enmity and jealousy. Why then did he tell began calculating Maaser. Esav of his great wealth, of his oxen and donkeys? How would this help him gain favor First he set aside the first born of each of his in Esav's eyes? four wives; Reuven, Yosef, Dan and Gad. Since a B'chor (firstborn) is automatically Gradual Wealth and Overnight Riches sanctified (holy), they would not be included among the sons to be tithed. Generally speaking, there are two ways that people become wealthy. The more common With eight sons remaining: Shimon, Levi, method is when people acquire wealth Yehuda, Yissochor, Zevulun, Naftali, Asher slowly, gradually building up a business, and Binyamin - Yaakov counted them, and purchasing real estate, investing profits, and when he was finished, he began his count so on. again: A few lucky individuals, however, are the beneficiaries of a sudden windfall. They

בס''ד inherit a fortune, win the lottery, find a Lavan - and I earned nothing! I would have valuable treasure, and so on. returned home empty-handed, were it not for G-d 's providence. If a merchant traveled to a faraway country to make money, and made his fortune over a "Now - only now - I acquired cattle and period of several years, one would assume donkeys." Only recently I became wealthy - he acquired his wealth gradually, in the usual by miracles, not due to our father's blessings. fashion. But if he returned home with great Therefore "I have sent this message to tell wealth after a very brief stay, then clearly he my lord, to find favor in your eyes." made his fortune in some unusually fortuitous circumstances. Rav Shlomo of Karlin Lights A Neshama Once there was a young man who spent Rav Shlomo of Karlin used to recite Tehillim many years in a distant land. Despite his after hadlakas nerot on Chanukah. A man efforts and hard work, he earned very little who was plagued with doubts in emunah was money over the years. He had already very distressed about it, and turned to one of decided to return home, when suddenly he the tzaddikim of the generation. The tzaddik became rich. sent him to the Rebbe of Karlin during hadlakas nerot of Chanukah. Not knowing the full story, people assumed that the young man had run a successful The man traveled to the Rebbe and observed business, and gradually built up his wealth. It him as he lit the nerot and recited Tehillim. appeared that this distant land was a good When R’ Shlomo reached the possuk, “And place to earn a living. But when he returned, he saved us from our tormentors, because the young man warned his friends not to seek His kindness is everlasting,” he paused. He their fortunes there. approached the man, tapped him on the shoulder and asked him, “Do you believe that "Don't make the same mistake I made! That Hakadosh Baruch Hu can save you and place is not a good place to make a living. I redeem you from all of your afflictions?” At worked like a dog for many years, and had that moment, the man felt relieved from his little to show for it. My current wealth was doubts, and felt like a new person. The only the result of a sudden windfall. And kedusha of the Chanukah lights had purified miracles can happen anywhere." his neshama. (Marveh Letzamah) Not from the Blessings When Esav saw that Yaakov had returned to The Bet HaLevi Vs. The Russian Judge the Land of Israel laden with great riches, he The Bet HaLevi, the Rav Yosef Dov became extremely jealous. All this wealth, Soloveitchik, once met with a Russian judge. Esav thought to himself, came from my The judge said to Rav Solveitchik, “Our laws father's blessings that Yaakov stole from me! are superior to your laws. For example, we Actually, the fact that Yaakov succeeded in have a law against bribery. According to this escaping Haran with even a small sum was law, if a judge is caught accepting a bribe, the miraculous. All the years that Yaakov worked judge is punished as well as the person who for his uncle, he didn't make a penny. When bribed him. According to the laws of your he parted from Laban, Yaakov testified, "If G- Torah, however, it is forbidden only to accept d had not been with me, you would have sent a bribe, and the one who offers the bribe me away empty-handed." does not transgress any laws. Rather, Yaakov's wealth was nothing less The Bet HaLevi answered, “On the contrary – than a miracle. It had nothing to do with his it is precisely due to this law that the Torah is father's blessings, and there was no cause superior at protecting justice. According to for Esav to be jealous. Therefore, Yaakov your laws, the judge will not hesitate at all to announced to Esav, "I lived with Laban and accept a bribe, because he is positive that tarried until now." All these years I worked for the one who offered him the bribe will not

בס''ד reveal this to anyone. He knows that if the Ménaché zrouto yagen alénou, donnent un sens matter is revealed, he will also be punished. plus profond à ce passage. Et c'est ainsi qu'ils expliquent que cet affrontement entre Yaakov et The Rav concluded, “However, according to l'ange d'Essav représente la nature de notre the laws of the Torah, each judge is wary of dernier exil : celui d'Edom (l'occident) dans accepting a bribe lest the one who offered it lequel nous sommes plongés depuis deux mille will reveal what he did." (Ukarata LeShabbat ans. Nous voyons dans la paracha Yaakov Oneg) avinou se battre seul dans la nuit, sans l'aide visible d'Hachem. Cela symbolise notre situation PAR LA FRANCOPHONE en cette fin des temps. Notre peuple est confronté à sa dernière épreuve, celle de la émouna, la foi. En effet, nous n'avons ni connu le Beth Amikdach, ni les miracles visibles (Rav Itshak Nabet) effectués par Hachem. Nous sommes orphelins des prophètes et des tsadikim faiseurs de La Lutte de Yaakov miracles. Nous traversons en effet cette nuit terrifiante qui effraya tant Yaakov. Nous nous Dans la paracha Vayichlah, nous assistons au débattons dans un monde dans lequel Hachem retour de Yaakov avinou en Eretz Israel. Après feint de s'être retiré. C'est dans cette plus de vingt ans passés chez Lavan, il rentre atmosphère de doute qu'Amalek, descendant enfin avec sa famille et ses richesses à la d'Essav, livre toutes ses forces : "Di-u est mort" maison de ses pères. Seule ombre au tableau, cria Nietzsche l'insolent, l'homme descend du des messagers célestes lui annoncent qu'Essav singe poursuivit un autre, la Théorie du Bing et son armée sont en chemin pour l'accueillir. Bang… Chacun met sa pierre à l'édifice pour Une grande peur s'empare alors de lui. Il prie le bâtir la Tour de Babel du vingtième siècle. Même Tout puissant de le protéger, envoie des si ces clowns et leurs théories sont enterrés, une cadeaux à son frère afin de le calmer et se trace ineffaçable entache chaque juif. Cette foi prépare à la guerre. Cependant, lors de la nuit transmise de père en fils depuis Moché rabénou qui précède l'affrontement, il se retrouve seul a été ébranlée. De nombreux juifs doutent face à l'ange d'Essav. Après avoir lutté jusqu'au désormais de l'existence de Di-u, petit matin, Yaakov sort vainqueur et mérite malheureusement... désormais de s'appeler Israël. Le lendemain, à la surprise de tous, Essav tombe dans les bras La Torah nous informe qu'à la fin des temps, le de son frère et le quitte en bonne intelligence. conflit entre Yaakov et son frère n'est plus d'ordre physique mais spirituel. Le monde Nos sages soulèvent de nombreuses questions occidental, à l'image d'Edom (autre nom à propos de cet épisode. Premièrement, d'Essav), n'est intéressé que par pourquoi Hachem n'est- Il pas intervenu pour l'assouvissement des plaisirs matériels et défendre Yaakov, comme Il le fit contre Pharaon, corporels. Le rêve américain, devenu universel, Avimelekh et Lavan ? Ne pouvait-Il pas est d'être en vacances dans sa deuxième simplement envoyer une lèpre virulente à Essav maison, avec sa jolie femme et son chien… Les ? Ensuite, pourquoi Yaakov avait-il eu aussi peur films et la publicité nous imposent constamment d’Essav ? Hachem ne lui avait-Il pas promis de des critères de bonheur et nous font croire que le protéger ? Enfin, comment Yaakov avait-il pu nous vivons une vie sans Di-u, sans monde se retrouver seul face à l'ange d’Essav ? Où futur, sans compte à rendre… Cette bataille de étaient ses enfants, ses serviteurs et ses anges Yaakov est celle de chaque juif à notre époque. qui l'accompagnaient partout ? Nous devons nous attacher à la foi de nos pères, Afin de répondre à ces questions, il faut savoir à un Di-u qui a créé le monde afin de le servir et que la Torah comporte plusieurs niveaux Qui nous a sortis d'Egypte pour nous sanctifier d'interprétation qui commencent au sens littéral par sa Torah. Et effectuer ses mitsvot comme jusqu'à la quabala, le sens le plus profond. Cet des enfants écoutent et obéissent à leur père. épisode est très difficilement interprétable dans Nous devons également comprendre que tout ce son sens littéral. C'est pourquoi de nombreux qui nous arrive provient d'Hachem, qu'Il décide exégètes, dont notamment le rav Menahem et dirige tout. Il nous faut cesser de croire les

בס''ד informations qui disent que le monde est entre s'il la conserve au fond de lui, alors sa haine les mains des politiciens et des hommes s'amplifie. Et c'est pour cela que la Torah d'affaires. Hachem n'a-t-Il pas prouvé que même interdit la haine qui reste dans le cœur. les plus puissants n'étaient que des pantins ? Si nous examinons le comportement d’Essav N'a-t-Il pas paralysé New York avec un ouragan dans la Torah, nous pouvons voir combien il ? N'a-t-Il pas fait trembler le Japon avec un cultiva sa haine contre Yaacov avinou. tsunami ? Les économies européennes ne Premièrement, il garda sa haine dans son savent plus comment relever la tête ! Même si cœur, comme il est écrit : "Il haït son frère nous avons été élevés dans la technologie, les dans son cœur". Il ferma hermétiquement la sciences et la philosophie, nous devons nous cocotte minute. Mais il ne s'arrêta pas là. Il attacher à la simple croyance que rien n'existe ranima le feu pendant 35 ans afin que la haine hors d'Hachem. Car si nous tenons jusqu'au petit ne diminue pas. matin, comme le fit Israel notre père, alors nous verrons aussi Essav se précipiter vers nous et Comme nous le savons, Essav reprocha deux nous embrasser. Et nous assisterons à la choses à son frère, celle de lui avoir acheté son reconnaissance universelle du peuple juif en tant droit d'aînesse contre un plat de lentilles et de que peuple élu. Toutes les nations se plieront s'être déguisé pour lui voler sa bénédiction. devant Machiah tsikenou et nous vivrons une vie Afin de ne pas oublier ces deux choses, il de paix et de bonheur éternels. Alors, mes appela son pays Edom. Ainsi, à chaque fois frères, affrontons ce défi et inspirons-nous de qu'il mentionnait son lieu d'habitation, il se Yaakov avinou. Accrochons-nous de toutes nos rappelait que son frère lui avait pris son droit forces à la Torah, aux mitsvot et à nos sages d'aînesse contre un peu de "Adom Adom", de afin de mériter la délivrance finale très lentilles. Et il nomma sa région Séïr, qui signifie rapidement. Bouc, pour ne pas oublier comment son frère s'était déguisé avec des poils de bouc pour

dérober sa bénédiction. Entretenir le Feu Mais ce n'est pas tout, nous enseignent les Baalé Tosfot. Lorsque Yaacov Avinou s’enfuit Le Rambam z’’l écrit dans son livre Sefer de chez lui, Essav eut un fils. Il appela le Amitsvot que l'interdiction de " haïr son frère nouveau-né "Akhi", mon frère. Ainsi, à chaque dans son cœur " n'existe que si un homme fois qu'il demandait à son fils quelque chose : n'exprime pas sa haine et la garde au fond de " Akhi vient manger, va dormir..." il se lui. Mais s'il lui dit qu'il éprouve de l'inimitié souvenait de Yaacov. Cet enfant qui avait pour envers lui, alors il ne transgresse pas mission de rappeler la haine contre Yaacov l'interdiction de la Torah. Rabénou Yona grandit avec le seul objectif de tuer son oncle. explique qu'une haine qui réside dans le cœur Selon cette explication, lorsque Yaacov pria représente un danger beaucoup plus grand. dans notre paracha Vayiclakh: " Hachem sauve Car une personne qui ne sait pas qu'elle est -moi des mains d'Akhi, des mains d'Essav" il détestée par une autre ne peut pas se protéger faisait allusion à ce neveu qui voulait sa perte. d'elle. Ainsi la Torah nous ordonne d'exprimer nos sentiments afin de permettre aux gens Ainsi Essav a-t-il entretenu le feu qui brûlait en d'être sur leurs gardes. lui pendant 35 ans. A tel point que lorsqu'il retrouva son frère, "il l'embrassa". Le mot Dans le livre Bina Léétim, nous trouvons une "embrasser" est surplombé de plusieurs points raison plus profonde du sens de cette dans le Sefer Torah. Nos sages expliquent que interdiction : Si un homme prend une marmite lors des retrouvailles entre les deux frères, il et la met sur le feu, une partie de la chaleur mordit Yaacov au cou. Cependant, Hachem fit s'évacue et il devient difficile de dépasser les un miracle : le cou se durcit comme du marbre cent degrés. Mais si nous prenons une cocotte et Essav se cassa les dents. Or pour qu'un minute, fermée hermétiquement, nous pouvons homme se brise les dents en mordant dans une atteindre des températures très élevées. chose solide, il faut qu'il morde avec toute sa L'homme ressemble à une cocotte minute !! rage et toute sa haine. Lorsqu'il arrive à exprimer sa haine contre autrui, celle-ci diminue automatiquement. Mais

בס''ד Comme nous l'avons déjà dit, nous devons garder à l'esprit la mission qui est la nôtre. Pour apprendre de nos ennemis. La base du service cela, nous devons, à l'image d'Essav, créer des divin, enseigne le Ramhal zal, est d'avoir rappels. Et c'est une des raisons pour laquelle toujours présente à l'esprit notre obligation nous lisons le Chéma Israël matin et soir, dans le monde. Hélas, nous oublions trop fixons des Mezzouzot et portons des Tefillins et souvent le but de notre existence. Nous nous des Tsitsit... Cependant, si nous faisons laissons entraîner par ce monde et nous ces Mitsvot sans réfléchir, elles ne peuvent pas perdons à courir après l'argent et les plaisirs réveiller notre désir de faire le service divin. matériels. Même si nous savons que le temps C'est pourquoi nous devons essayer de penser est précieux, et que ce monde n'est qu'un à leur signification afin de nous rapprocher couloir qui nous mène au monde futur. Nous ne sincèrement d'Hachem et d'entretenir toujours vivons pas assez avec cette croyance. le feu qui sommeille en nous, Amen Ken Yehi Ratson. Si nous désirons nous perfectionner et nous rapprocher d'Hachem, nous devons toujours

Aprendemos de esto que nuestra forma de REFLEXION SEMANAL hacer buenas acciones es juzgada en comparación a la forma en que los malvados cometen sus pecados. Esta idea ayuda a (Rav Yonatan Gefen) explicar otra declaración difícil de los sabios. Usando el Yétzer Hará para Cuando Bilam3 parte para maldecir al pueblo judío, la Torá nos dice que se “levantó bien (vayakam) temprano en la mañana”. El Midrash Tanjumá dice que, al ver esto, Dios Al volver a la tierra de Israel, Yaakov le envía exclamó: “¡Eres un hombre malvado! El un mensaje de paz a su hostil hermano, padre de ellos, Abraham, ya te precedió”, Esav. Comienza el mensaje diciendo: “Viví como está escrito [en la historia de la Akedá] con Labán y me he demorado hasta ahora”1. “vayashkem ba-bóker”4. Las palabras Los sabios profundizan en las palabras de vayakam y vayashkem significan ‘despertar Yaakov: “Viví con Labán y, de todos modos, del sueño’, pero vayashkem implica respeté las 613 mitzvot y no aprendí de sus levantarse aún más temprano que vayakam, caminos malvados”2. Los comentaristas por lo que Dios le estaba diciendo a Bilam preguntan: todo lo demás, que le dijo Yaakov que Abraham se levantó —cuando estaba a Esav, es muy conciliador, pero este camino a la Akedá (la atadura de Itzjak)— mensaje pareciera muy antagónico, ¿cómo aún más temprano que él cuando estaba encaja en todo lo demás que dijo Yaakov? camino a maldecir al pueblo judío. El Jafetz Jaim responde, interpretando las ¿Cuál es el significado de este Midrash? Rav palabras de los sabios de una nueva manera: Jánoj Harris explica que Bilam trató de poner cuando Yaakov dijo que había respetado las al pueblo judío bajo una luz negativa, mitzvot, pero no aprendido de los caminos mostrando que él podía actuar con mayor malvados de Labán, se estaba criticando a sí voluntad en su maldad que ellos en su mismo. Argumentó que Esav no tenía por avodat Hashem ‘servicio Divino’. Sin qué temerle, dado que, si bien Yaakov había embargo, Dios le dijo que el padre del pueblo respetado las mitzvot, no lo había hecho con judío, Abraham, ya había demostrado una el mismo entusiasmo que tenía Labán para voluntad mayor para realizar la voluntad de realizar sus actos de maldad. Cuando dijo Dios, que la de Bilam contradiciéndola. En que “no aprendió de las costumbres de consecuencia, los descendientes de Labán”, la implicación es que no se había Abraham heredaron su entusiasmo exigido, en sus buenas acciones, al grado en característico y poseyeron mérito suficiente que Labán realizaba sus malas acciones. para soportar la arremetida de Bilam.

בס''ד En el Shemá, decimos que debemos amar a Yaakov [para convertirse], pero no la Hashem con todo nuestro corazón6. La aceptaron. Luego se convirtió en concubina Guemará aprende de este versículo que de Elifaz, hijo de Esav. Dijo que era mejor ser debemos amar a Dios con nuestras dos una sirvienta de esta nación que una mujer inclinaciones, el iétzer hatov y el iétzer hará7. poderosa en otra nación. [Como resultado] Una manera de utilizar el poder del iétzer Amalek, quien le causaría a Israel tremendos hará es observar nuestro entusiasmo para sufrimientos, nació de ella. ¿Cuál es la razón seguir sus tentaciones y tratar de aplicarlo a [por la que este incidente produjo a Amalek]? nuestro iétzer hatov. Porque ellos [los Patriarcas] no deberían 2 Esta enseñanza se puede aplicar en muchas haberla alejado” . Rashi explica que la Guemará nos informa que ellos deberían situaciones. Un ejemplo son las personas 3 que dedican incontables horas tratando de haber permitido que se convirtiera . satisfacer sus deseos de dinero y honor. A Obviamente los patriarcas tenían suficientes menudo pasan noches sin dormir para ganar motivos como para rechazar los intentos de más dinero. ¿Y si hicieran lo mismo con los conversión de Timna, por lo que temas espirituales? ¿Y si invirtieran la misma consecuentemente no la dejaron unirse al cantidad de energía en sus relaciones con la pueblo judío. Si esto es así, entonces ¿por pareja y los niños? Nosotros también qué fueron castigados por su aparentemente podemos observar nuestra vida y encontrar correcta decisión? Rav Jaim Shmuelevitz áreas en las que sentimos más excitación y explica que aprendemos de aquí que no entusiasmo que en nuestra avodat Hashem, importa cuán mala sea una persona, uno ya sea en la comida, el trabajo, los deportes nunca debería rechazarla por completo4. u otra cosa. Debemos internalizar lo que ya Pareciera ser que la explicación es que sabemos: que seguir la Torá brinda mucha mientras haya esperanza de que la persona más satisfacción que cualquier otra cosa. mejore sus acciones, está prohibido Luego podemos comenzar a “aprender de los distanciarla, ya que al hacerlo eliminaremos caminos malvados de Labán y su gente”. toda probabilidad de que se arrepienta. Evidentemente, Timna tenía suficiente Notas: 1) Vaishlaj, 32:5. 2) Rashi, ibíd. 3) potencial oculto como para justificar que le Quien, interesantemente, está intrínsecamente permitieran unirse a la nación judía. conectado con Labán: ¡el Targum Yonatán (Bamidbar 22:5) dice que eran la misma persona! 4) Balak, Rav Shmuelevitz dice que aprendemos una 22:21 con Rashi. 5) Rav de Aish HaTorah New lección similar de la relación de Abraham con York. 6) Vaetjanán, 6:5. 7) Brajot, 54a. Lot, su indisciplinado sobrino. Abraham se separó de Lot sólo cuando una disputa amenazó con arruinar su relación. A pesar de Educar por Medio de que la presencia de Lot causó que Abraham no tuviera profecía durante todo el tiempo Alentar que estuvieron juntos, nuestro patriarca no lo La parashá de esta semana termina con un distanció sino hasta que percibió que no recuento de la genealogía de Esav. En el había forma de evitar el descenso espiritual medio de dicho recuento, la Torá nos informa de su sobrino. del nacimiento de Amalek, el progenitor de la A pesar de todos los esfuerzos y el auto nación que luchará constantemente para sacrificio que realizó Abraham para ayudar a destruir al pueblo judío. “Y Timna era una Lot, las fuentes rabínicas igualmente lo concubina de Elifaz, Elifaz tuvo a critican por su decisión. "Rav Yehudá dice: Amalek…”1. Di-s se enojó con Abraham Avinu cuando La Guemará en el tratado de Sanedrín nos apartó a su sobrino de él; Di-s dijo: ‘¿Él (Abraham) se aferra a cualquiera, pero no a cuenta la historia de este terrible hecho. 5 “Timna era una princesa, pero quería su sobrino ?’”. A pesar de que Abraham convertirse. Fue donde Abraham, Itzjak y había hecho grandes esfuerzos para

בס''ד influenciar a Lot e incluso había estado una ocasión, Rav Hutner estaba dando un dispuesto a perder el don de la profecía para shiur (clase) de Guemará y este estudiante influenciarlo, igualmente nuestros sabios lo hizo una pregunta aparentemente simple. criticaron por apartarlo6. Rav Hutner respondió como si hubiera hecho una pregunta excelente y la repitió durante el Hemos visto que está mal rechazar a alguien shiur en varias ocasiones. Recibir semejante si hay alguna posibilidad de salvarlo, pero adulación de un gran rabino le dio un empuje ¿cuál es la forma correcta de tratar con un tremendo a este niño. Como resultado, asunto de tal complejidad? después de ese evento el niño volvió a tener En su explicación sobre por qué Itzjak quería confianza en sí mismo y mejoró en sus bendecir a Esav en lugar de a Yaakov, el Or estuDi-s y en su observancia en general8. Al HaJáim HaKadosh explica cómo tratar con mostrarle a este joven que era capaz de un niño caprichoso. Dice que Itzjak estaba estudiar, Rav Hutner le había dado el absolutamente consciente del bajo nivel impulso necesario para cambiar su vida. espiritual de Esav, pero a pesar de eso, Aprendemos del incidente con Timna que igualmente quería darle la bendición. Escribe rechazar a una persona por ser una causa que "la razón por la que Itzjak quería perdida es algo muy serio. También bendecir al malvado Esav era porque creía aprendemos de la explicación del Or HaJáim que al recibir la bendición éste cambiaría en Parashat Toldot que mostrar fe en una para bien y mejoraría sus acciones; la gente persona es una forma excelente para recta siente dolor cuando sus hijos se ayudarla a mejorar sus acciones. Estos comportan mal y él (Itzjak) estaba tratando principios también aplican a nuestra actitud y de ayudarlo [a Esav] a mejorar. Es posible comportamiento con nuestros hijos, que hubiera podido funcionar7". estudiantes y quienes nos rodean. La El Or HaJáim no explica por qué darle las Guemará nos enseña que debemos alejar bendiciones a Esav hubiera causado que él con nuestra mano izquierda y acercar con mejorara sus acciones. Quizás el darle las nuestra mano derecha. La mano derecha es bendiciones lo hubiese alentado y le hubiese más fuerte que la izquierda, por lo que mostrado que su padre confiaba en su aprendemos que siempre deberíamos darle capacidad para continuar con el legado de primacía al aliento positivo por sobre la los patriarcas. Una muestra de confianza de crítica. Mostrarles a otros el bien inherente esa magnitud podría ser por sí misma el que hay en ellos es la manera más efectiva catalizador para que Esav cambiara sus de ayudarlos a mejorar. caminos. Vemos de aquí que alentar y Di-s quiera que todos nosotros seamos mostrar fe en la persona desobediente es un capaces de sacar a la luz lo mejor de factor clave para ayudarlo a encontrar fe en nosotros mismos y de quienes nos rodean. sí mismo y para darle la fortaleza para cambiar. 1) Vaishlaj 36:12. 2) Sanhedrín 99b. 3) Rashi ibíd. Podemos ver este principio en una admirable 4) Sijot Musar, Parashat Pinjas, Maamar 85. 5) historia que involucra a Rav Itzjak Hutner. Bereshit Rabá, Cap. 41:8. 6) Ver Maamar 85 para Había un estudiante en su yeshivá que encontrar otros ejemplos de esta idea. 7) Or HaJáim, estaba luchando mucho para tener éxito en Toldot, 27:1. 8) Esta historia la escuché de mi rabino, los estudios. Como resultado, tenía la Rav Itzjak Berkovits, quien a su vez la escuchó directamente de parientes cercanos del estudiante.

autoestima muy baja y se encontraba en medio de un fuerte descenso espiritual. En

NAHALOT

בס''ד were R' Yitzchak HaLevi Ruderman, R' Reuven Nahala of Rav the Saba Grozovsky; R' Yaakov Kamenetsky; and R' Minavardok Sunday the 17th of Aharon Kotler. In 1949 he began publishing his discourses on morals and ethics which he Kislev subtitled, Divrei Torah B’inyanei Hilchot Deos

V’Chovot Halevovot. As a young man he wrote Rav Yosef Yoizel Horowitz, Alter from Novardok Torat Hanazir on the Rambam’s Hilchot Nezirut. (1849[1858]-1919). Born in the Lithuanian town of He wrote a profound commentary (Kovetz Plongian to Rav Shlomo Zalman, Rav and Dayan Heaaros) on Rabbeinu Hillel on the Safra. His of the town, Rav Yosef Yoizel joined Kovno's discourses on Yomim Tovim and Shabbat Kollel Perushim where he studied under Rav (Pachad Yitzchak) are collected in seven volumes. Itzele Blazer, Rav Naftali Amsterdam and Rav

Avraham Shenker, spending at least 18 hours a day - most of the time standing- studying. He also spent two lengthy periods learning in solitude – I Kept The 613 first, he secluded himself in a small room for a Commandments, And, Oh year and a half after tragically losing his first wife during childbirth; later, learning in a room in a Yes – I Did Not Act Like forest for 12 years, leaving only to visit his family for Shabbatim. In 1894, Rav Yosef Yoizel began Lavan Either to visit the Alter of Kelm, Rav Simcha Zissel Ziv. (Rabbi Frand) Later, he established a large yeshiva in Novorodok and was responsible for creating a Yaakov sent messengers to Esav before their whole network of yeshivas. During the War, in confrontational meeting with the following 1914, he moved the yeshiva – with its bachrim – message: “I have lived with Lavan (Im Lavan to Hommel in the Ukraine, as the Germans Garti), and tarried until now” [Bereshit 32:5]. advanced on Novardok. In 1918, he moved it to Rashi cites the famous Rabbinic comment Kiev. Rav Chai Taib of Tunisia, author of HaLev that the word GaRTY (I lived) has the Hitin (1835) numerical value of 613 (TaRYaG), indicating “I lived with the wicked Lavan, but I observed Nahala of Rav Yitzchak Hutner the 613 Commandments – without learning Wednesday the 20th of Kislev from his evil ways.” Rav Ruderman (1901-1987) once commented Rav Yitzchak Hutner, Rosh Yeshivas Rabbeinu on the apparent redundancy in Yaakov’s Chaim Berlin, author of Pachad Yitzchak (1907- message to his brother, Esav. If Yaakov had 1981). His uncle, R’ Benzion Ostrover, had been already sent the message “I observed the a disciple of Rav Mendel of Kotzk, and was instrumental in providing his young nephew with a 613 Commandments,” what indeed is added direct link to the world of Chasidus. At the age of by further stating “and I have not learned 15, he went to Slobodka and was directed by the from the evil ways of Lavan?” The Rosh Alter, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel. In 1925, he Yeshiva, of Blessed memory, taught that the entered the new Slabodka branch in Chevron, inference to be drawn is that one can observe where he also met and learned from Rav A. I. the 613 commandments and, nevertheless, Kook. He remained until 1929, after which he learn from the ways of a Lavan. Even within returned to his parents in Warsaw. He became a the context of a fully observant life-style, a personal tutor for Rav Moshe Solevetchik’s son, person can wind up looking like a Lavan. Aharon. In 1932, he published his Toras HaNazir, Even when an individual’s actions are a commentary on the Rambam’s Hilchot Nazir. In technically permissible, the person may still 1933, he married Masha Lipshitz and moved to Eretz Yisrael. Despite his great attachment to the be acting like a Lavan. A person can live an Land, they left for America one year later, not to indulgent life-style — one which may not return for 30 years. He built Yeshiva Chaim Berlin technically deviate from the letter of the Law to his specifications with his famous blend of but one which is totally alien from that which Torah philosophies. Among his talmidim are Rav should be representative of a Jewish lifestyle, Yitzchak Shurin, grandson of Reb Yaakov from the spirit of the Law. Kamenetsky. Among his colleagues at Slobodka

בס''ד Therefore, Yaakov clarified: “Not only have I commandments. The concept that there can observed the letter of the 613 be a dichotomy between someone’s religious commandments, I have also not learned from life and his social life, that glatt Kosher Lavan and have even continued to observe applies only to what I put in my mouth but not the spirit of those laws.” to what I see or how I act or dress – is wrong. I mentioned this insight from Rav Ruderman It is a violation of “I have not learned from his in a previous year. I usually do not like to evil ways”. repeat myself from year to year but I was A person can be religious and even only eat prompted to relate this insight again now as a glatt Kosher, but still learn from the ways of result of a recent article that I read in the New Lavan. York Times. The article, “Jews Debate Who Will Define Orthodoxy,” included the following Don't Cause Pain, Give Pleasure paragraph: Marriage can be either the source of life's “The waters of the Hudson River gently greatest joys... or the root of much misery, even lapped at the bow of the cruise ship sailing tragedy. under the flag ‘The Glatt Yacht’ as it slowly There is a five-word formula that is the key to a pulled away from the noisy shoreline of joyous marriage. "Don't cause pain, give Manhattan. A couple celebrating a special pleasure." Both with words and deeds, be anniversary got up to dance as the pianist careful not to cause your spouse needless played Billy Joel’s ‘Just the way you are’. pain. And do as much as you can to give your Suddenly a rabbi appeared on the dance spouse pleasure. Your capacity for kindness is floor and tapped the man on the shoulder. He unlimited! knew right away that the rabbi did not just (From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll want to butt into his dance. The Rabbi asked Publications, 1998, Chapter Two, p.123) the couple to stop dancing. When they ignored him, the Rabbi walked over to the You and Your Spouse are Unique pianist and ordered him to stop. The boat Torah principles give us the wisdom and was eerily silent until the couple sat down. concepts that are needed for a harmonious Only then did the music resume.” marriage. But just knowing these ideas will not What is the issue at hand here? The New automatically guarantee a happy marriage. York Times Page 2 synopsis of all the major Torah ideas need to be internalized and stories in the paper defined the issue as practiced. whether there is in fact a dichotomy between You have strengths and weaknesses, positive a person’s religious life and his social life. Or qualities and faults - and so does the person as Ari Goldman (the New York Times you marry. You have a unique life history; you reporter) wrote, some Orthodox Jews came from a specific family - and so did your “…draw distinctions between the different spouse. You have a unique genetic makeup, facets of their lives…” This means with a unique combination of intellect and compartmentalization. Yes, I am a Jew. I am emotions - and so does every other human an Orthodox Jew, but that stops at a certain being on our planet. point. To quote the person who was Your temperament, personality, communication embarrassed off the dance floor “The Rabbi’s style, and myriad other factors need to interact place belongs in the kitchen. Kashrus is in with the temperament, personality, and the kitchen. It has nothing to do with the communication style of your spouse. This will dance floor.” inevitably create many challenges. Your It was just too fortuitous for me to have read response to these challenges will either create this article on the Wednesday of Parshat problems, pain, and quarrels... or will be the source of great spiritual and emotional Vayishlach and not say over the Rosh elevation. Yeshiva’s comment of learning from Lavan’s actions, while ostensibly observing the 613 (From Rabbi Pliskin's book "Marriage" - Introduction, p.13

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