COMPANION KonkanSANGATI Salesian Bulletin Province of Panjim (INP) Jan - Mar 2016 | Volume - 09 | Issue 01

At HOME with My FAMILY

Focusing on STRONGER COMMITMENT Don Bosco’s Family Spirit Family: Seedbed of Vocations Editorial

Editor Joaquim Lobo, sdb

Editorial Team Poor child was confused! He had seen too many Francis Xavier, sdb stars! Literally. Which one among them was the Ralin De Souza, sdb guiding star? He did not know. Local Communication Delegates

Special Contribution He had learnt in the catechism lesson that the Santaremend Lopes, sdb | Enid Varela guiding star directed the shepherds and the three James Marcus, sdb | Kinley D’Cruz, sdb kings to the manger where lay the child Jesus with Brian Moras, sdb | Bernardino Almeida, sdb his parents, Mary and Joseph. He did not know Wilfred Sequeira, sdb | Richard Correia, sdb that, as the years went by, the real meaning of that star was corrupted and it had become one of the Layout & Cover Design decorative stars. Joaquim Lobo, sdb

Consultants There are too many voices, each louder than the Ian Figueiredo, sdb (Provincial) other; varied interpretations, each compelling you Paul D’Souza, sdb (Vice Provincial) to listen and follow. In the name of modernity or Allwyn D’Souza, sdb (Economer) sheer ignorance, the real meaning of our culture and values are obscured. Life has not only become Distribution fast, it has become insignificant for certain periods Lazar Vaz of life. Some children are not allowed to be born, Printed at some old people are cast away by their own. Are we James Arts Crafts, Sivakasi one of these ‘selfish families’? Surely there are many reasons for it, but none greater than God given gift Published by of life to a family. Boskon Communications Don Bosco Provincial House Why does a youngster get attracted to vices and Odxel, Goa University P.O. crimes?It is because he hasn’t been able to decipher Goa 403206 the good from the bad. As usual, he has heard many Ph : 0832 2451449 voices, and he is confused. Kindly send your Donations through online A family is a guiding star to the young, if it does www.donboscopanjim.com not guide, somebody else will. Who will pass on the riches of our culture to the generations? Will this [email protected] task be left to the idiosyncracies of some people who will project themselves to be the real guides, even misleading the elders? In the world of social media, The works of the province are regularly published on many things are possible. the website www.donboscopanjim.com There is an urgent need to make our families, places Our online id of Love, Joy and Peace. May the ever guiding Star donboscoinp lead us all, to a world of beautiful inspiring families. for Joaquim Lobo, sdb Facebook Tweeter G+ This is a Salesian Panjim Province Bulletin, and is directed towards the Salesian works in the regions of Sindhudurg, Goa and Karnataka. Gmail For private circulation only. GOD’S FAMILY Fr. Alex D’Mello

The Growing Interest of the Church on Family The family is the first and vital cell of human which threaten it. They are becoming far more society. This fact is known to each one of us. dangerous than what we can imagine. The However, we often forget that the family is Church has been combating integral part of the divine plan of God. The with the evil that is destroying family is established by God. He (Triune God) the structures of family. Pope too lives in family. He greatly honours the Pius XII paid attention to it family from the through his Radio message time of creation. 1950’s. Later popes too showed He created Adam their concerns. The question will and Eve so that arise in your mind why did the they could live in previous popes were not so much concerned a family (Gen 2). about the families. The simple reason is that God did not stop the people valued their family life. There was over there. He no need to emphasize on the family life. People decided to redeem appreciated their joint families. The elders were the world with the help of family. Christ, the respected. The children learned from their own Redeemer was born in the family of Nazareth. family. Family problems were resolved in the family itself. The new age has brought new We do not get family unless there is a contract elements and new values. This between a man and a women. We call it age promotes nuclear families. marriage. It is recognised by every culture and Man is caught in a vicious circle religion. Most of the religions look at marriage that he doesn’t have time to pay as a contract but Christ has elevated this union attention to his family life. and their intimate partnership of love and life, to the dignity of a Sacrament. He has done it so Pope John XIII read the signs effectively that it embodies the mystical pact of time and convoked the of love between Christ and the Church (cfr. GS Ecumenical council which 48). Hence, a Christian family is originated in paved way for us in the modern the marriage. world with special reference to Gaudium et Spes. Pope Paul VI A good reason, therefore, Vatican II and later fulfilled the vision of the council St. Pope John Paul II described the family as a for the Church. He formed “domestic church” (LG 11; cfr. AA 11), showing special committee on January with such teaching as peculiar role, the family 11, 1973 for the Family. This has to carry out in the entire plan of salvation committee studied the spiritual, and how challenging it is therefore the duty moral and social problems which requires family members especially the of the family. It formed the parents have on their shoulder to implement it. pastoral vision. St. Pope John It should not, therefore, be surprising that the Paul II began his pontificate church, always concerned over the course of the by convoking general assembly of the synod centuries, about the family and its problems, of bishops in 1979. He gave us the concise having now increased both the means to teaching of the church on the family in his promote the family as the dangers of all kinds apostolic exhortation Familiaris consortio (FC)

January - March 2016 SANGATI 3 in 1981. He formed the Pontifical Council for the church). The ordinary synod took place in the Family 1983. The Council is responsible October 2015 in which Pope Francis asked each for the promotion of the pastoral ministry and of us to pay more attention to our families. Pope apostolate to the family. It also promotes and Francis announced on October 22, 2015 to the co-ordinates pastoral efforts related to the issue Synod on the Family that, he has chosen to of responsible procreation, and encourages, establish a new office in the Roman Curia that sustains and coordinates initiatives in defence will deal with the issues of laity, family and life. of human life in all stages of its existence, from This move is seen as a ray of hope to consolidate conception to natural death. efforts to channelize complete energy in strengthening the families which is the basic Pope John Paul II started world family meets fabric of the society and the church. after every three years. There have been 8 world meets so far. The recent one was planned in I have reflected together with you in this article September 2015 in Philadelphia, the importance of family in the life of the church. USA. Pope Benedict continued This reflection reveals that the Church has the same emphasis on the worked vigorously on the topic of family in the family in his doctrinal teaching. recent years. The Church knows how important Pope Francis is not exception the family is in the life of the Church and the to what has been happening in society. If we are the Church then what efforts last 50 years. He too has begun have we put in to recognise the importance of his pontificate with special family in our day to day life? Can we relook emphasis on the family. He at our family life and take proper steps to completed his special catechesis strengthen our family bonds? Let the efforts of on family in the last month. He the Universal Church help us to get motivated spent 6 months over the issues in our own families. May the Holy Family of of family. He convoked extra- Nazareth bless our families. ordinary synod (which is only 3rd of its kind in the history of Fr Alex D’Mello is the Director of the Family Commission in the diocese of Sindhudurg

My [Jallki] Family... Sutgatti My [Almeida] Family... Trasi My [Noronha] Family...Panjim

Savio (Father): My family is God’s grace to Rosy (Mother): My children are grown up and Peter (Father): We are all friends. We greet me and they hold and will always hold the well settled. I feel I did my best to bring up and treat one another with respect. We are largest space in my heart. my children with values and faith. We pray joyful and happy especially all my 3 sons are daily rosary. We are a happy family. together. Olivia (Mother): We may not have it all together, but together we have it all. Maxwell (Son): I love my mom and dad. Pramila (Mother): Any difficulty anyone of Lorraine (Daughter): My family are my best They helped me to be responsible. They us have, we help one another to overcome friends... they are the only people who I understood me and guided me. What I am them. We share, love and stay together as know will never stop tolerating me and loving today is because of them. friends. me for who I am! I love them too much to Joylin (Daughter): My mom, dad and brother Pramod (Son): I love to be in my family. I describe in just one sentence! are concerned about me and my future. I receive so much of love from my dad and Lianne (Daughter): My family is always there love my family. Here I can be myself. mom. I feel bored when mom is away from for me. I couldn’t have asked for a better Lata (Daughter-in-law): I am given freedom home. They correct me like friends. family. They are my rock and my pillars of in this family. We all have rights to express strength. what we feel. That’s what I like in my family. Lionel (Son): My family is much more valuable than money. My family supports me. They are the apple of my eye.

4 SANGATI January - March 2016 THE SYNOD Fr Joaquim D’Souza, SDB

The Synod on the Family

From October 4-25, 2015, there was held in the not man put asunder” (Mk 10:9). This, the Pope Vatican City the Fourteenth General Assembly explains, is an exhortation to overcome every of the Synod of Bishops on the theme of the form of individualism, which betrays a narrow Family. Because of the importance of the theme, self-centredness and a fear of accepting the true the Synod was conducted in two sessions, the meaning of human sexuality in God’s plan. first in the year 2014, and the second in 2015. Being afraid to accept this plan paralyzes the What was the Synod all about and what actually human heart. Paradoxically, people today – who took place? often ridicule this plan – continue to be attracted and fascinated by every authentic, steadfast, On the first point – what the Synod was all faithful and enduring love. We see people chase about –, Pope Francis in his homily at the mass after fleeting loves while dreaming of true love; for the opening of the Synod, highlighted three they chase after carnal pleasures but desire issues: solitude, love between man and woman, and total self-giving. In this extremely difficult the family. Dwelling on the loneliness that Adam social context, the Church is called to carry out experienced in the Garden of Eden because her mission in fidelity, truth and love. “there was not found a helper fit for him” (Gen 2:20), the Pope explained: “The drama of - The Church is called to carry out her mission in solitude is experienced by countless men and fidelity, faithfully defending marital love and women in our own day… Our experience today encouraging the many families which live is in some way like married life as that of Adam: so an experience much power and which reveals at the same time so God’s love, much loneliness and defending the vulnerability. The sacredness image of this is the of every fa m i ly ”. life, and the indissolubility of marriage as a sign of God’s God had created man and woman for each grace and of the human person’s ability to other, because God had said, “It is not good love seriously. that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” Gen ( 2:18). This is God’s - The Church is called to carry out her mission in plan for his creation from the beginning. It is truth, protecting individuals and humanity the same plan which Jesus presented: “From the from the temptation of self-centredness, beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and from turning fruitful love into sterile and female’. For this reason a man shall leave selfishness, faithful union into temporary his father and mother and be joined to his wife, bonds. As Pope Benedict XVI had stated, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are “Without truth, charity degenerates into no longer two but one flesh” Mk( 10:6-8; cf. Gen sentimentality. Love becomes an empty shell, 1:27; 2:24).This shows us, Pope Francis explains, to be filled in an arbitrary way. In a culture that the goal of marriage is not simply to live without truth, this is the fatal risk facing love” together for life, but to love one another for life! (Caritas in Veritate, 3). “What therefore God has joined together, let - The Church is called to carry out her mission in

January - March 2016 SANGATI 5 charity, not pointing a finger in judgment of which occasioned some tensions. That was to others, but conscious of her duty to seek out be expected, since the Holy Father had called and care for hurting couples with the balm of for a frank and open exchange of views on the acceptance and mercy, to be a “field hospital” subject. In different parts of the world, and in with doors wide open to whoever knocks in different cultures, there are various pastoral search of help; to reach out to others with love, sensibilities regarding how to deal with such to walk with those who suffer, to guide them problems, and they were aired quite openly, to salvation. candidly and sometimes with passion and a sense of urgency. This might quite possibly have This three-fold task of the Church with regard given the mistaken impression to observers and to marriage and the family must also be, news reporters of a profound division, which according to Pope Francis, the scope of the the media sought to highlight. The actual fact Synod: to proclaim the truth about marriage is that through all the discussions, even those and the family faithfully, with compassion for which were most heated due to the nature of those who have erred or gone astray, and to seek the problems treated, there prevailed a striking new ways and initiatives to bring them back to sense of unity and pastoral responsibility the practice of Christ’s teaching. together with and under the guidance of the On the second point – what actually happened Pope. The final voting on the propositions at the at the Synod –, the media had its own version. end of the Synod offered to the Holy Father for According to the media, some Cardinals and his discernment showed a remarkable unity of Bishops had come to the Synod with their own intent with all the 94 propositions attaining the agenda, which they wanted to foist on the required two-thirds majority. assembly. The facts however are more sober. The paragraphs that received the least votes Yes, there were some concerns regarding the (although they cleared the two-thirds mark) procedural rules of the Synod, which found were those concerned with the recognition of expression in a private letter given to Pope homosexual unions (§76) and the admittance Francis at the end of the Synod’s first working to the Eucharist of divorced and remarried day (Monday, October 5), which was signed by Catholics (§§84, 85 and 86). Understandably, thirteen cardinals, including three prefects of because these paragraphs dealt with the most major dicasteries of the Roman Curia and ten difficult pastoral problems. Regarding families residential archbishops from four continents. with homosexual members, the Church These were addressed and satisfactorily resolved reiterated her traditional teaching that every in the next two days. There were other delicate person, regardless of sexual orientation, ought matters too in the course of the discussions, to be respected in his/her dignity and received such as the readmission of divorced and civilly with respect. Specific attention should be given remarried couples to Holy Communion, the to guiding families with homosexual members. recognition of the so-called “gay marriage” etc., Regarding proposals to place unions of homosexual persons on the same level as marriage, the Synod insisted that “there are absolutely no grounds for considering homosexual unions to be in any way similar or even remotely analogous to God’s plan for marriage and family.” The Synod maintained as completely unacceptable that local Churches be subjected to pressure in this matter and that international bodies link financial aid to poor countries to the introduction of laws to

6 SANGATI January - March 2016 establish “marriage” between people of the hinders the possibility of a fuller participation same sex. in the life of Church and her practice which can foster it and make it grow. This discernment Regarding the baptized who are divorced and can never prescind from the Gospel demands civilly remarried, the Synod saw the need of truth and charity as proposed by the Church. for them to be more integrated into Christian This occurs when the following conditions are communities in a variety of possible ways, present: humility, discretion and love for the while avoiding any chance of scandal. Such Church and her teaching, in a sincere search for persons need not feel as excommunicated God’s will and a desire to make a more perfect members of the Church, but instead as living response to it. members, able to live and grow in the Church and experience her as a mother, who welcomes At the conclusion of the Synod on October them always with affection and encourages 24, 2015, Pope Francis asked: “What will it them along the path of life and the Gospel. That mean for the Church to conclude this Synod the Christian community cares for these people devoted to the family?” And he replied: is not a weakening of her faith and witness in “Certainly, the Synod was not about finding the indissolubility of marriage: to the contrary, exhaustive solutions for all the difficulties and in this way, the Church expresses her charity. uncertainties which challenge and threaten the family, but rather about seeing these difficulties The Synodal document quotes Pope Saint and uncertainties in the light of the Faith, John Paul II’s Familiaris Consortio, which offers carefully studying them and confronting them a comprehensive policy of pastoral action: fearlessly, without burying our heads in the “Pastors must know that, for the sake of truth, sand”. The Pope concluded his allocution with they are obliged to exercise careful discernment these words: “And without ever falling into the of situations. There is in fact a difference danger of relativism or of demonizing others, between those who have sincerely tried to save we sought to embrace, fully and courageously, their first marriage and have been unjustly the goodness and mercy of God who transcends abandoned, and those who through their own our every human reckoning and desires only grave fault have destroyed a canonically valid that “all be saved” (cf. 1 Tim 2:4)”. marriage” (FC, 84). It is therefore the duty of priests to accompany such people in helping The 94 propositions of the Final Report are now them understand their situation according to in the hands of the Holy Father, who will surely the teaching of the Church and the guidelines pray over, discern and eventually set out in an of the Bishop. appropriate document his magisterial teaching on “The Vocation and Mission of the Family in The Synod also recalled a useful pastoral the Church and in the Contemporary World”. distinction necessary to evaluate the responsibility of persons divorced and Fr Joaquim D’Souza is the professor of Philosophy at Divyadaan, Nashik remarried: One cannot deny that in some circumstances “imputability and responsibility for an action can be diminished or even nullified” due to several constraints. Therefore, while supporting a general rule, it is necessary to recognize that responsibility with respect to certain actions or decisions is not the same in all cases. Through accompaniment and discernment the faithful are guided to an awareness of their situation before God. Conversation with the priest, in the internal forum, contributes to the formation of a correct judgment on what

January - March 2016 SANGATI 7 MARRIED LIFE Fr Michael Fernandes, SDB

Happily Married? What Ails Catholic Marriages Today? socialising a must, trips to holiday resorts and foreign countries a status symbol and We have celebrated the year of the family something to talk about. Against this backdrop, and then a Synod on the family. Why has more salaries or pay packages are being the Church spent so much time reflecting on looked into and with it comes more stress the family? Today the bonding in the family levels, comparisons and competitiveness even seems difficult. Couples misunderstand, argue, among siblings, sicknesses, unhappiness suspect, insult, harass, fight with each other in family life and a host of other such ills. and there are marriage breakdowns. Formerly there were arranged marriages and things Planned parenthood is good, but with the delay worked out well. Couples stuck to each other in offspring is also the loss of bonding in family through thick and thin, until death did them life. A child brings a lot of cheer and sunshine part. They endured hardships, lived on meagre in life. This keeps families together even if the incomes, small houses, little or no comforts, child is a special kid. Sacrificing and taking hardly any entertainments or week-ends out, turns to look after and care for the child are little socialising, mainly family picnics and necessary means of sharing love in the family small parties, rarely visited places, much less and with each other. It helps to grow, come foreign countries, and were basically happy and closer to each other, share love with one another loved to come home to relax, spend time and and the kids, to feel united and supported. meet each other. Home was sacred. One hardly Family prayer has been done away with in most heard of a separation, much less a divorce or families. With the respect and place for God an annulment. These days there are more of being bypassed, the respect and place for parents so called ‘love marriages’, but the love seems and grandparents too are sidelined. Earlier to fade off within a few months of marriage. when lights would come on it was time to be Why this new scenario even among our at home. The family then prayed together, had Catholic families? What ails marriages today? their showers, dinner, study and a night blessing from parents. All those are things of the past. Today it becomes necessary for both partners to work to have a better life. Costs of living While working in marriage tribunals and are high, real estate is dear, education has doing a number of marriage cases, I have become competitive, tuitions are a necessity, come across some causes why parties approach the tribunal for an annulment or separation.

With arranged marriages, one does not freely choose a spouse. One party comes from a foreign country for a short period of time and marriages are arranged in a hurry. Such hasty marriages do not give the couple enough time to gel and know each other deeply. It is a superficial and functional relationship and one does not want to hurt parents who have arranged for the bride or groom painting her or him to be the perfect

8 SANGATI January - March 2016 one for the marriage. They say Yes, only to embarrassing. The parents or family seems to realize that that they did not exchange consent say: ‘You left the family and got someone of your freely and did not know the party sufficiently. choice. Now you bear the consequences’. Some even go to church together, but sit separately. There is too much of gossip and trying to dig After the services they come home in the same into the past of the other spouse, not just his vehicle, but eat and sleep separately. They do or her past, but that of the parents and other not show their differences to others and they siblings. In India when one marries, he or she suffer interiorly and have to live and let live. marries a family not just a spouse. Everyone has a say in the wedding and even during the years Some girls are more educated than boys. They of marriage. One cannot easily cut the umbilical also draw better salaries. The husbands may family cord. There is a lot of interference and get into bad habits of smoking, drinking, things have to be done the way the elders want gambling. All this becomes a drain on the it. Sometimes the couple has to make decisions family resources and also a strain in their as to who needs more attention, the spouse or relationships. Sometimes the ladies imbibe the parents. This is a difficult balancing act. bad habits or keep bad company and it With both spouses working to keep the family destroys relationships and the marriage. going, there are stress levels, work projects to be completed, more socialising and with it Looking at marriages there seems to be a comes suspicions as to who is friendly with noticeable pendulum swing in the relationships whom. Is it just a friendship or is there some on- in married life. In the first few years, things going affair? Suspicion without clarifying and are rosy and enjoyable. From the 5th to the being honest with each other can be a big cause 15th year the relationships get difficult and of serious marital disharmony. Sometimes a daily forgiveness is a necessity. If there are kids partner is over protective and also wants to there are more chances of keeping the family know everything with little or no room for together. No doubt there is a stress on finances, requisite freedom. How can one grow and education, reaching and fetching the children develop in such an environment? If marriages to and from school, tuitions, extra-curricular are for the good of the spouses, and to help activities etc., but for the good of the children, the spouse grow and find fulfilment, there these are taken in its stride. After the 15th year needs to be freedom and a lot of give and take. one has experienced and knows the spouse, the good and the bad, the mannerisms and Cultural differences and food patterns are idiosyncrasies, and so one decides to accept it another reason for marital breakdowns. With the way it is. They get adjusted to each other and so many females joining the work force, there consider the failings of each other as adjustment are inter-caste and inter-ritual marriages. problems to be lived with. After the 20th year In such situations one needs more time for they are looking forward to qualifying their courtship and more family visits to each other’s kids in higher disciplines, relocating them houses for family functions as it involves many to foreign universities, looking for what is customs which cannot be taken for granted good for the child’s future. Alongside they are or bypassed after tying the knot. Food may not be an issue before marriage, but when one has to spend a life time living on a vegetarian diet which one is not used to, it does become tardy. The religious and cultural practices also weigh them down. More than the couple, the children that are born to them are even more confused and have no one to help them make a decision as to what faith to practice. There are no support systems for such marriages. One shy’s away from sharing with others when such marriages do not work. It is

January - March 2016 SANGATI 9 getting ready to celebrate their silver wedding the other can experience it. This causes many anniversary. The initial happiness returns and misunderstandings and frictions. Genuine they feel marriage is good after all they have love demands external expressions: to spend gone through. The experiences have become time together, to address each other tenderly, lessons for life. They begin to love and care for to forgive each other generously, to express each other more genuinely. They understand appreciation genuinely. If love is not expressed better the meaning of fidelity, sacrifices and it can lead to mutual indifference. In order to that marriage is for the good of the spouses. share what has happened during the day, couples should spend time with one another and What could happily sustain couples together so the time at the TV, computer, mobiles should all through marriage? be sacrificed. One needs to know what the other Faith in God and Prayer: It takes three to make has been through during the day and why he or a marriage – Husband, Wife and God. As long she is happy or sad or just feeling low. Marriage as God is set aside in a Catholic marriage one is between two humans and not between will have little or no success. The vows are angels. The spouses need to tell each other daily that they are still in love and this should be said with the three little words which were once proclaimed on the wedding day – I love you. Acceptance: Each spouse must accept each other as a covenant partner with reverence and ac c ou nt abi l it y. Each one is a gift to the other. One should not take the other for exchanged at the Lord’s table, blessings got from granted, but love and appreciate each other the church and from parents and the couple and help the other to grow in happiness. needs these blessings to sustain and assist them Acceptance of each other’s views, food patterns, all through married life. A family that prays cultural differences, mannerisms, vices and together stays together, is the old adage. Prayer is family backgrounds is a must. There should the external expression of faith. It is God who be no reference to their parental families or brings the couple together in marriage and their imbibing of bad habits or sicknesses from they need his continuous help to stay together their ancestors during their disagreements. and to grow in love. Today married couples Both spouses need to recognise and accept the have to face several problems and challenges. equality of each other, being a faithful partner They are able to face it squarely only with the in all situations and placing the interests of help of God. Prayer is not a magic to drive the other over that of one’s own. This calls for away all sicknesses and sorrow, but a means sacrifices and adjustments. A French proverb to obtain God’s grace. It enables them to say says: A good husband should be deaf and a good with St. Paul: “If God is for us, who is against us”. wife blind. I’ll close with a quote from Rabbi Expressions of love: Love for each other should B.R. Brickner: Success in marriage is more than be expressed and experienced. A serious finding the right person, it is being the right person. handicap in many couples is that they are very busy. In their busy life they fail to express Fr Michael Fernandes is a Doctor in Canon Law with his office in Pune; could be contacted on [email protected] their love to the spouse in such a way that

10 SANGATI January - March 2016 MY MISSION Dr Socorro Mendes

Strengthening the Spouses and Families

I recall with immense joy, gratitude and untoward incident in the life of our father that nostalgia the service I rendered to the Family was not very edifying, she claimed that we had Service Centre of the Archdiocese of Goa no right to confront our father directly, but to and Daman for more than fifteen years, from reveal it to her and she would put things right. 1994 till 2009. I started as a faculty to conduct This was the standing instruction she gave us Marriage Preparation Programmes and in order to be harmonious and respectful in the gradually, as its Assistant Director, and later family. on as its Director, I was persuaded to offer my Family Ministry in the Parishes services of counselling to spouses, engaged In all the parishes, wherever I rendered my couples, youngsters and even families. services, either as an Assistant or Chaplain or The Family Experience in my own Home Parish Priest, I made it a point to visit the families, Flashes of vivid memories come galore, as I to spend some time with them in knowing their recall my own experience in my home with my hardships, in getting acquainted with their near and dear ones. The warmth of being in a professions or studies and in praying with the family, the loving concern for one another, the family members by calling their names. Trying interaction among the members, the respect to remember the names of family members that we gave to one another, the regular and addressing them whenever I encountered family prayer, participating in the Sunday them had a lasting impact on the families. This Parish Liturgy as one family, our dedication to type of attitude helped me to establish a bond manual work, the summons to be honest and between them and me, helped me to enter their truthful at all times, the handling of various lives, remain in touch with them and with their responsibilities, the spirit of sacrifice, showering problems. appreciation on one another, creating a culture Family Missions in Parishes of positive thinking, were some of the practical As Director of the Family Service Centre, sources that were of great assistance to orient an open challenge was thrown to me by Fr. my life and to help me to prepare myself Amandio Valadares, the then Parish Priest of remotely to embrace the family apostolate in the St. Jerome’s Parish Church, Mapusa, to start future. At this juncture, I remember an incident preaching a “Family Mission” in parishes that happened when we, the four siblings, were during Lenten season. The first Power Point small. I was 14 years and my younger brother Family Mission was conducted in Mapusa must have been 7-8 years old. Our mother called Church premises for about a week. I saw a huge us and gave a sort of reprimand about a family in crowd attending it and interacting with me our village, whose the father would get drunk, after the mission, and expressing their joy at the and the mother, along with the children would way the it was preached. Making this a starting fire bad words at him. According to mum, this point, for seven successive years, the Family was the most abominable thing that could ever Mission was preached in around 95 parishes happen in a family. I remember our mother with and chapels in the Archdiocese of Goa and in uncompromising words recommending us not the neighbouring dioceses. This brought about to immitate what was happening in that family. a radical change in the life style of families. Her advice was, if at all they had noticed any Many people personally informed me, at a later

January - March 2016 SANGATI 11 stage, that they breathed a fresh air in their matrimonial bed. family ambience. The family prayer Altar should remind them of There was also a demand to have a follow up their regular routine prayers they have to pray of that mission, and that is how the Family without fail. The dining table has to bring to Mission II developed. In order to sustain the their minds the meal they have to share with spirituality of the families, in the year dedicated unity, togetherness, love and sacrifice. And to the Eucharist and Family (2005-2006), a finally, the Altar of the bed is the summit of Family Mission III on Family and Eucharist was their whole spousal life, wherein they offer devised. This was presented as the source of their bodies to each other and at the same time, family spirituality. Later on, during the season receive the reciprocal gift of each other’s body. of Lent, the faithful requested that something The consecration words which the Priest utters on sin, repentance and forgiveness be preached in the Eucharist: “This is my Body which will be to them so that their family life could still be given up for You,” and “This is my Blood, which will strengthened; thus started Family Mission IV. be poured out for you,” are the words that they, as Practically, these Family Missions had a lasting spouses, are called to utter and thus bring forth effect on the families. Till today, after several new life, that is, they themselves give the gift of years, I still hear spouses whispering in my ears life to one another and at the same time when about the impact it created in their family lives. the occasion is opportune, new human life Programmes for Youngsters and for Adults on Human Sexuality Many Youngsters requested me to conduct various programmes for them, especially on the topic of human sexuality. They were thrilled to hear the positive dimension being spoken of in these programmes designed for them on the topic. It equipped them for marriage and family life. Not only the youth, even spouses, clergy and religious remarked that the taboo of “Sex” has given way to an understanding of human sexuality as a gift from God and as an integral part of a person’s growth that is springs forth. I remember spouses confronting essential, befitting, beautiful, which people can me with the question: Why did you, the priests, appreciate as the unique plan of God for the never preached the spirituality of the Eucharist to us human person. for such a long time? Spousal Prayer and Family Spirituality Family Associations and the various The Eucharist, according to me, is the source Spiritualities they offer of Family spirituality. Pope Paul VI introduced The Archdiocese of Goa is blessed with several the spouses to an Eucharistic spirituality when Family Associations. It was a great pleasure for he proposed the New Marriage Rite to the me to serve some of the Family Associations - Church after Vatican II. It was he who strongly Christian Family Movement, Marriage Encounter, recommended that the Sacrament of Marriage Couple to Couple League and Couples for Christ - be celebrated within the Eucharistic celebration. and work with them during my tenure as the This inspired me to preach to them a spousal Director of the Family Service Centre. I even spirituality based on the Eucharist. The betrothed had the oppurtunity to be first the Regional administer the Sacrament of Matrimony right Chaplain and then the National Chaplain of the before the Altar. They, therefore, are to imbibe Christian Family Movement, especially when the Eucharistic spirituality. As they leave the the Movement celebrated its Golden Jubilee of Church and go to their homes, they are called its presence in India. My being in the Christian to live their matrimonial life around three Family Movement as its Chaplain, gave me a Altars in their home - the family prayer Altar, wider experience of how the Movement at the the Altar of the dining table and the Altar of the

12 SANGATI January - March 2016 Asian and International level are operating, spirituality proposed to them in this Couples’ and how the spouses as well as families are Pasch Programme. utterly dedicated to work for the renewal and Another favour which I can never forget is strengthing of familes throughout the world. the service of the Counsellor in the person of

The Eucharist... is the Source of Family Spirituality

Fr. Egidio Fernandes, sdb, which the Salesians I have also noted with great enthusiasm even Province of Panjim officially offered the Family the other Family Associations like the Marriage Service Centre from 2003 to 2009 during my Encounter, Couple to Couple League and tenure. He was a special Counsellor who was Couples for Christ, are striving hard to bring of great help to many spouses to strengthen families and spouses into their Associations, their married life. He also served as an official and how they are diffusing family values in Counsellor for the Tribunal of the Archdiocese the world that seems to have lost basic family but always through the Family Service Centre. values. Each of these Associations endeavour to His services were very much appreciated by the then Judicial Vicar and several Judges of the Tribunal. Besides, he was also a close comrade to me and gave me the moral and spiritual support to initiate any novel programme in the Centre. I am immensely indebted to the Salesians for granting him the necessary permission to offer his services to the Centre. May God reward him with life eternal. The Understanding of Conjugal Love in the Context of the Family My long association with the pastoral care of the Families motivated me to do my doctoral live their spirituality in an unique manner, try research on conjugal love. I was very much to give witness to their family life and promote convinced that in the measure the spouses enjoy the culture of life. a profound relationship among themselves, that would be the measure for a strong foundation The Family Service Centre and the Salesians of family life. That is why at the conclusion of As Director of the Family Service Centre, I my doctoral research, I coined a definition of did experienced the close collaboration of the conjugal love that I would quote here: Conjugal Salesians in the Province of Panjim. Many of love is a personal relationship in marriage wherein the programmes, like Marriage Preparations, the spouses, in their complementarity as man and Marriage Enrichment and Family Life Education, woman experience the divine presence, power have been conducted in collaboration with the and providence, and in which they express their Salesians. They were always ready to share with affectivity intimately with one another at a physical, us their premises to conduct any programmes emotional, psychological, spiritual, intellectual, and sometimes even gratis. I remember having sexual and social level with the aim of growing in the a novel idea of conducting the first COUPLES’ divine image as co-creators by bringing forth new life PASCH in Goa for a limited number of couples. when it is opportune, thus building up a family. When I proposed this idea to the Salesians in Tuem, they immediately offered their Institute Dr Socorro Mendes is a Professor of Moral Theology at the Patriarchal to conduct the same; and it was a big success. Seminary of Rachol; Administrator of the Rosary College of Commerce Those spouses who participated in such a and Arts, Navelim, Goa novel programme were really touched by the

January - March 2016 SANGATI 13 YOUR CHILD Monce C. Abraham

Not Just Another Brick In The Wall…

I have chosen to contribute (to the invitation helps. We all have 50-70-90 years of current life by Boskon publications) by pitching in with a expectancy here on earth, and it makes no sense post to help families help their kids navigate to put individuals into boxes, with no regard for their inherent curiosity and interests to pursue their inherent capabilities when asking them to changing career opportunities, as we all gear up bring their best versions forward. for a changing world which is vastly different This means giving them the space to go beyond from the past half century. where we might assume, prefer or expect Given that I have to keep this easy to comprehend their interests and capabilities to lie. As Albert and relevant for the communities who will be Einstein would agree : “Everybody is a genius. But reading this, I will stay away from technical if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will jargon and any suggestions with respect to the live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” emerging fields of the next decades, and focus 2. Not Really (Anti) Parenting Advice more on how families can ensure they have a Now this might sound like just the opposite of better chance of their children bringing forward what your ideal dream of raising an obedient the best versions of themselves, when taking on child might look like - the dream fantasy kid at the world after us. all times doing what he (/ she) has been been 1. Your Child is not a ‘Robo’ Sapien told what to do. From the earliest days of managing teams If you wish to have any hopes of raising an I have had the honor of working with, I have individual who can think and act independently, put conscious effort into making sure that the and make choices based integrally from within, team’s interests & capabilities are aligned with teach and encourage them to think and act the work at hand; be it a non-profit initiative independently - teach them to question the where individuals are volunteering their limited status quo; question as to why things are the time and energy, or, a commercial initiative way they are, and why they can’t be better; intertwined with operations, marketing and teach them not to fall in line and conform to a resource management. situation simply because that’s what the rest of The reason I do this is because I firmly believe the world is doing. that when interests and capabilities meet the This holds especially true for nations like India matched task at hand, magic happens. When an where the Power Distance Index is relatively high individual really likes, and are capable at what at 77 ; and as the next generation of individuals he/ she does, they perform not just up to your will have more and more complicated jobs to be (limited) expectations, but many a times, go managed by them, right besides flying planes beyond what you, or any third person, would and avoiding crashes for the craziest of reasons. expect of them. When children learn to interact and act Given all individuals start out as children, it only responsibly with authority figures, we have a makes sense to ensure we have more children world which has more leaders groomed not to coming in touch with their inherent interests blame others and crib less, whilst doing more. and capabilities to go beyond what they might be ordinarily expected to achieve. Remembering that they are not part of an assembly line where 3. Don’t Dim Their Shine they have to fit a certain pre-fixed standard If we have learnt anything from the ‘Hole in

14 SANGATI January - March 2016 the Wall’, ‘School in the Cloud’, ‘Ad Astra’ and at something new some of the time, you are ‘Khan Academy’ initiatives, it’s that children still in your comfort zone. And guess what, hold the unique capacity to learn on their own, nothing remarkable, or new, ever came from and they don’t necessarily have to be clubbed there. Having a growth mindset will help your together passively in classrooms on generic children push themselves wherever they will to parameters like age or gender to get learning. achieve something. Not Just Another Brick In The Wall… Know that children are born with inherent So whilst you encourage your children to reach gifts and abilities, and these gifts and abilities for the stars, know that just the basic act of being can be channeled to enable great things from there will make a difference - when they fall, within. Encourage them to dream bigger let them know that it’s only natural that there in the direction of their pursuits, whilst of will be setbacks before they learn to walk, or fly, course making them aware of challenges they for that matter. Analyse as to how things could might need to overcome, but at the same time, have been done better, but don’t stay there - not trying to force our own experiences and take the learnings forward, and know that your limitations, accumulated over a different time children are better for the experience. period, on them. 5. They are special, and not so special 4. Embrace Failure and Rejection Though it’s imperative we keep encouraging In the world of innovation and entrepreneurship, kids to bring their talents to the fore, it’s also failure is like a badge of honor - It shows that important for them to understand that the one has ventured out of their comfort zone to world consists of individuals who might not do something different, and though they might necessarily see the world the way they do at all not really have succeeded the first or second times. time around, they have accumulated invaluable At a time when we are making advances to lessons and learning that they wouldn’t have create reusable rockets as humans take the leap ordinarily achieved. towards becoming a multi-planetary species, Unfortunately, I am not really sure how many applying augmented reality as humans narrow individuals outside this space take time to even the gap between the real world with the digital, consider such notions. Many of us forget our rethinking automobiles and transportation as first experiences of how we learnt to cycle, bike humans shift to electric and driverless modes of or drive a car around for that matter, and over transport, it makes it almost an unpardonable time, teach ourselves and others around us, to waste of time and energy to dwell on external give up simply because someone else thinks differences like gender, race, privilege, religion, that the task at hand is unachievable. region, caste etc when we have more important pursuits at hand to further our raison d’être. The fact remains that if you aren’t really failing Given the world of tomorrow will be shaped by the children of today, a healthy respect for others who might seem different from them will serve them well when working together to make more things happen. Families, like yours, play an important role in shaping the child’s first learning experiences. With you in the belief : Your Child Is Not Just Another Brick In The Wall

Monce C. Abraham is Founder & Chairman, THEV Consulting; Original article first appeared on www.monceabraham.com : http:// monceabraham.com/2015/12/20/not- just-another-brick-in-the-wall/

January - March 2016 SANGATI 15 INTERVIEW Joaquim Lobo, sdb

Qualified Counsellor at St. Anslem’s, England in Integrative & Spiritual Counselling, Sr Sandra Rebello worked at the Diocesan Family Service Centre, Panjim and Margao for 15 years, now works in the North and South of Goa for the last 3 years with much dedication, love and care for the concerns and the well being of her clients, their families and the society at large. I spoke to her at Fatorda during her ‘off day’ to prepare for the Christmas.

1. What are the requirements of a Counsellor? As a Counsellor, my life itself has to have 4. What about children, do you counsel them? discipline, values and prayer. Having a degree I do not allow the responsibility of the parents may not make you a good counsellor; it is an to bring up their children, solve their problem art. For me it’s a God given gift and a task for to be given to me; I am not a substitute for them. which I commit and dedicate myself. I respect I help them in case of need, but first I deal with my clients for what they are without being the parents to know if they are responsible judgemental about them. for the child’s behaviour. In many cases they are - they live as they feel like living, do what 2. Do many take advantage of the counselling they want, inconsistent with what they do and facility? say, have habits of late night parties, fast food, Every second person feel the need of getting irregular time tables... they have to bear up with the help of a counsellor. Sadly many want the consequences. instant solutions for their problems; they expect healing to happen like a miracle. A very small 5. Is there a formula for a healthy marriage? number of people want to know deeper about No. But the couple needs to learn to respect the themselves, about life and relationships; only uniqueness of each other. These three things they continue to persevere through all twelve might help: to eighteen sessions. Those who really are Love: Uplift each other by giving positive interested in bettering their relationships, gain strokes - they are like vitamins for the body. tremendously. Some of them have continued Prayer: not just saying prayers, babling words - coming to me for years - they don’t have major it is a reflection on the daily word of God. problems but wish to live life to its full potential. Forget oneself: It is knowing that I cannot do what I like or what I want. When each member 3. Is your counselling only for couples or also of the family forget about themselves, the family for individuals? grows. Sometimes, only the mother or wife has For anybody who wishes to live a fuller life - for to give up everything - that will not help. couples, families and individual persons.

16 SANGATI January - March 2016 6. What is the success rate of the cases that you of the elders by caring for them, the family that handle? respects God’s children and brings them up Very few cases get fully resolved. The reasons with tender love and care, is a great picture of a being - their lack of inner strength to work on ‘good family’. themselves, no backing from the family, low self-esteem, feeling confused about themselves, no respect for themselves, thinking that the issues are with others than with oneself. In my sessions I challenge them, many are not able to take up the challenge, they are weak and coward, running away from their responsibility towards their spouse, family and society. 7. Then does your work give you satisfaction? Immense satisfaction and contentment. I feel that I make at least a little difference in peoples’ lives through my counselling. Many have told me that they have profited much, they feel happier and thankful. Ninety percent of the sickness in peoples’ lives are psychological, because they carry heavy baggage on their backs; ten percent is medical. Solutions can be found for many problems in life, it all depends on whether the person has found in me a guide who could be trusted with their broken lives. 8. What is a picture of a ‘good family’? The family that respects God by giving Him Sr Sandra could be contacted on 09822120424 time in prayer, the family that seeks blessings

My[Rodrigues]Family...Sutgatti My[Braganca]Family... Quepem My[Ullageddi]Family...Hubli

Avinash (Father): Mine is a happy family. I Seby (Father): There is no life without my Lukas (Father): I worked hard to bring up love my wife and children. We pray together. family! As a family we grow like a tree in my family and provide good education to Prayers and support of family has helped me different directions but our roots remain the my sons. My wife has ably supported in this to be more responsible. same. journey. Josephinel (Mother): We are working Veronica (Mother): There is nothing which Elizabeth (Mother): We worked together together, share our joy and sorrows. That’s is more special than my family. The place to bring up our children. Prayer and God’s what makes family life beautiful. where we care, share, enjoy and live life grace have made our family life beautiful. Valencia (Daughter): My parents support me, together. David Raj (Son): It is so much joy to come love me. I study and help them in their work. Snivio (Son): My family is like salt which adds back home from work and spend time with my family. Here I can be myself. Rudalph (Son): My dad is strict and flavour to my life. demands. He helps me in studies and he Lianne (Daughter-in-law): Parents have given Switzy (Daughter): As for me... Just one me freedom. Corrected when necessary. helps poor. We pray together. Mom and dad word... My family is my “WORLD.” teach me prayers. I love to serve mass. Trust and clarification of doubts have made our family happy. Royaston (Son): My dad and mom give me Jokem (Son): I have lot of freedom. It makes chocolates. They teach me Hail Mary... me responsible and bulid up trust.

January - March 2016 SANGATI 17 TESTIMONY Valentine & Anna Coelho

A Living Church Every Christian Marriage is called to form a a small financial sacrifice and then slowly Domestic Church. The “domestic church” is increased it to 10 percent. It was not easy as we where we live daily as part of the body of Christ had 4 children between 15 to 4 years. We then – it’s the first place where we come together in decided to be open to life and God blessed prayer and learn to live as Christ for others. In us with our 5th living child in 2000. But not short, this is how we are called to live. The real before we suffered the deep emotional loss of a challenge lies in living our calling. So, let’s look at miscarriage before this child. We believed that the elements of this calling. God wanted to teach us that He was in control of our lives and knew what was best for us. We know that priests serve the large Church When our youngest was 4 months, Vally had to and we as married couples serve our Domestic close his business in Bombay. Within 6 months church. The priests practice poverty, chastity we were asked to start the Couple to Couple and obedience- i.e. to live as Christ did. Some League of India to promote NFP (Natural young men and women sometimes say, “I Family Planning) with an annual grant. When can’t give up that fun and so I will not become our eldest joined college, she needed a 2 wheeler a priest or a nun. Marriage is much better – no as there was only 1 direct bus from our village vows of poverty, chastity and obedience for to Panjim. She was disturbed when we told her me.” But is this true for us married couples? we could not afford it. A month later she was It seemed so at the beginning of our marriage pleasantly surprised with a gift of a 2 wheeler but as our marriage progressed we realized from her godparents. We have been blessed that as ministers of the Domestic church we pressed down and overflowing many times and too are called to accept poverty, chastity and we know it is because we decided to be open to obedience if we are to live a Christ-centered life and to place our finances at the service of marriage. life. In December 2003 we needed a new car to The vow of Poverty replace our old jeep and we worried about how What does poverty mean for us? It means that to finance it. That is when God gifted us with a we should be at the service of life. It also means Toyota Qualis through Anna’s family. Was this giving some of our earnings to God, before we not a confirmation from our Lord and Master provide for the needs (not wants) of our family that He would give us whatever we need before and to be generous with what is left over. We we even asked? had to find some way to tithe. We began with

18 SANGATI January - March 2016 The vow of Chastity Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy when Do married couples practice the virtue of we care for our spouse and children or when chastity? Is not this applicable only to priests visit a sick person, help a poor family, bury the and nuns? No! And it took us some time to dead. Being in relationship with each other by believe that “anything and everything” is not forgiving our spouse and our children “seventy good in marriage. There were times when Anna times seven” is being obedient to the Master’s sensed she was being used to satisfy Vally’s call. desires. Gradually we learnt that we had to be pure in our thoughts and desires even for each other without putting our focus on selfish pleasure only. Whenever we feel tempted to use the other for our own sexual gratification we ask God to take it and transform it into love by praying, “Lord help me be a gift to my spouse.” As NFP users, whenever we have a serious reason to postpone a pregnancy we prayerfully abstain during the fertile time. We express our love to each other in different ways by spending time with each other, giving gifts, writing love notes etc. Living out our calling We also focus our love outwards by giving of For a marriage to succeed the couple MUST ourselves to our children, our neighbours and follow this 3-pronged calling of poverty, our Parishioners in need. We are inspired by chastity and obedience. If they do not, the the saying: “The result of a life of chastity is a marriage will be centered on wealth, lust and soul turned outward from itself”. power and hence the couple will not be able to The vow of Obedience respond fully to their mission and their calling The domestic church is also called to obedience from God. Let us strive daily to live our calling to God’s will for our families. As married to be a Domestic Church. couples we must follow the 10 Commandments and the Precepts of the Church and teach our children by word and by our example. Many times we know what the Church teaches but My [Rodriguez] Family... Quepem prefer to ignore it saying, “I can decide what to Anthony (Father): do in this situation, I don’t care what the Church I love the sharing that takes place says about this. The Church is outdated.” This during dinner. attitude of “I don’t care…” may be traced to Eve Premila (Mother): believing what Satan told her about obeying We go for mass together, support God. Obedience manifests itself in an active each other and prayer life, making each moment of the day a pray together. prayer. It also means keeping aside time daily Steve (Son): The work of cleaning to pray the Rosary and also the Liturgy of the the house, we do Hours, so as to be in communion with the larger together. While making decisions Church. It involves making time to frequent the everyones views are considered. Sacraments - daily Mass if possible and weekly Keegan (Son): I like when we cook together in thekitchen. confessions to grow in virtue. We practice the

January - March 2016 SANGATI 19 SOCIETY TODAY Diana Charles

Changing Times

The India I was born in, in the 1960’s is a startling it fixed and didn’t think of buying a new one, contrast to the society of today. I remember my till it was literally on its last legs. Elvis, Boney teachers talking to us often about how we may M, Abba, Manna Dey, Kishore Kumar…all kept be a 3rd world country but we were definitely us enthralled. Sunday noon we stayed glued to spiritually rich. We had many gurus who the radio to listen to the Bournvita Quiz contest. travelled to the West and influenced the Beatles Choir practice, carol singing, sending sweets to and other important leaders. We loved being neighbours were something we looked forward Indian. to each year. Bell bottoms and bangs were in vogue and so was Rajesh Khanna, the first The only cars we saw then, on the roads, were the superstar. If we got a 60%, it was considered Ambassador and the Fiat. The cars were rarely an amazing result and we were given a special bright colours, just like our TV programmes treat- maybe an ice cream or a comic book. Our which were few, with just one channel. We so days began early and we went to bed early looked forward to the advertisements on TV too. There seemed a calmness to the rhythm and knew the jingles by heart. Weddings were our daily life, but there was a fair amount of such simple affairs and easy to plan. Poverty turmoil, due to the changing political climate. was stark and could be seen everywhere As children we didn’t feel too affected by it, around. Families sat at the table and ate except for some vivid memories of blackouts home cooked meals and hiding under together, sharing tables during the war, what had happened 1983 every time the sirens during the day. The went off. head of the house was the father and his 4 decades later.The word was law. Very family system has few women worked changed in terms of and looked after home its role, its size and and hearth. Children the power equations rarely had pocket in the family. The money and luxurious change is in the indulgences were few. form of a shift from Our recreation was consanguinity to cycling, swimming, a conjugal family. playing games 2016 The woman plays a outside, reading and more definite and hanging out with equal role, especially close friends. Cricket in urban areas, as was a huge craze and compared to before. we loved listening to The central authority the commentary on of the father of the our little transistors. house has weakened If our fridge or radio and there is a shift malfunctioned, we got in the power balance

20 SANGATI January - March 2016 among family members. Parental authority over there, they will all soon be there to check what children has reduced a great deal. Children has happened. enjoy more freedom to choose their lives, and Today getting a 95% is no assurance that you are often consulted in the decision-making will get into a good college. Because of this rat process. Playtime today often means a visit to a race, parents put a lot of pressure on their kids mall, watching a movie with friends, chatting on to excel at everything, especially academics. social media, showing off one’s latest expensive The resultant stress has led to children suffering gadgets and replacing them frequently. Keeping from a range of psychosomatic ailments. up with the Joneses has become an art, quite a Parents rarely have the time or understanding few have perfected. to deal with this but believe that they have no Joint families have changed to nuclear families alternative but to hurry their children from one and everyone seems to have less time to spend tuition class to another, in the hope that it will with family members. Respect for the old, help them make the grade. This is their way of caring for the weak and needy, tolerance for showing their love…trying to make a ‘better’ those different from us, all seem to have taken a future for their burnt out children. back seat. There is a decline in social roles with Finally at the end of the day, it is the family these roles now being shared by other agencies which comes through for the individual. such as peer groups, schools and media. Therefore making the effort to create loving The family seems to have irreversibly been bonds is critical since it is what will make or transformed and not necessarily for the better. break us in times of trials and tribulations. Everyone seems to communicate through social From Today begin to make the time and effort media. Today there are over 200 channels and to get to know yours. still nothing to watch. Parents and children are ‘friends’ on Facebook and tell their children The family is a haven in a heartless world. dinner is served on WhatsApp. Smart phones - Christopher Lach seem to have made us smarter and dumber at the same time. Someone once joked- If you want Ms. Diana is an ex-principal & a freelance journalist to meet your family, turn off the Wi-Fi and wait

Courses are for Priests and Religious COURSES 2016 at if not otherwise specifically mentioned Midlife Spirituality Feb 1-13 Community Animation & Leadership Feb 1-April 21 Personal Growth & Renewal Feb 1-25 Leadership & Animation of Communities Feb 28-March 23 Spirituality of Ministry & Community Animation March 29-April 21 Preparation for Final Vows April 24-May 19 for sdb Don Bosco Renewal Centre Training for Youth Ministry May 22-30 for all Fully Alive after 50 June 2-16 for all Bangalore 560076 Midlife Spirituality June 19-July 1 An International Training Centre of the Salesians Personal Growth & Renewal June 19-July 14 of Don Bosco offering courses in Renewal and Course for the Salesian Rector July 17-Aug 1 On-GoingFormation and Professional Development Renewal & Retreat for Silver Jubilarians Aug 4-Sep 1 Programmes for Priests, Religious and Laity. Salesian Renewal Course & Retreat Sept 4-Oct 16 Email: [email protected] Renewal & Retreat for Silver Jubilarians Sept 18-Oct 16 Download Admission forms from Skills for Spiritual Direction Oct 19-Nov 3 for all www.dbyp.org Retreat for Salesians Nov 7-12 Contact on 0-8762801749 Formation of Formators Nov 16-Dec 15

January - March 2016 SANGATI 21 WORLD FAMILY Nirmala Rebello

One, Big Happy Family...? When it comes to family matters, does it ever culture. The word ‘ohana’ means ‘family’ in feel like you’re in the middle of a wrestling the Hawaiian language. Family means nobody match? If so, welcome to the reality of every gets left behind or forgotten. Closer to home is human family, be it the tiny, intimate nuclear the Sanskrit phrase, Vasudaiva Kutumbakam, family, the expanded joint family, the universal which means the whole world is one family. Church Family, the wider National family or The concept originates in Vedic scripture. It pre- the massive Global family. As we close the supposes that when we harm any other human Church’s designated ‘Year of the Family’, and being or life form, we are harming ourselves move seamlessly into the ’Year of Mercy’, let us too. ponder some ‘Family Matters’ that impact the Family doesn’t necessarily have to be your blood lives of all members of the Human Family. relatives. I like to think that family is anyone Pope Francis realizes that it is healthy to try who is close to you, who looks after you and and work out our disagreements together even cares for you. You could use the word ‘family’ to if it means wrestling with each other. He knows describe your club, your group of best friends, that it is healthy to get things out in the open your colleagues at work, your neighbours, or and to listen charitably to those who disagree anyone, really. Just knowing you have family with us. In 2014, when he opened the initial (blood-related, adopted or intentional) in your Synod on the Family, he encouraged everyone life makes you one of the luckiest people in this to work together in open, honest dialogue. He world. Good relationships don’t just happen didn’t want there to be winners and losers. He – they take time and patience. No family is reminded the Bishops that they are pastors, not perfect – we argue, we fight, we might even stop advocates for one side or another. The Church talking for a while, but in the end we hug and is at her best, he make up, for the love said, when she between us is always invites, embraces, there. welcomes and ‘Parenting’ is the easiest affirms, not when thing in the world to she excludes, judges have an opinion about or condemns. and the hardest thing to Remember, Jesus do! Children are great told us that one imitators, so we must sure way that give them something people will know great to imitate. us is by the way we Children learn more love each other. from what you are and In Dreams and in what you do than from Love there are no what you preach. This impossibilities…! is so in every family Ohana is an idea relationship, be it our in Hawaiian own blood family, or

22 SANGATI January - March 2016 our larger adopted family. For a variety of reasons, a large number of children in our country and in the world do not have a family, but they still need to know they are loved! Christians around the world are rising to the Biblical call to respond to the needs of the bonding that they are entitled to but do not orphaned and vulnerable. Globally, the need get, due to various social and economic factors. is great and there is no ‘one right answer’ for KDS has Projects and Outreach programmes Happy Family...? every situation. There is, however, a growing that provide care, protection, education, skill body of research and evidence-based ‘lessons training and placement, family counselling and learned’ to help guide this faith-inspired work women’s empowerment to the rootless and the The Don Bosco Konkan Development Society roofless, to integrate them into the social fabric (KDS), which strives to transform lives for a and give them a chance to be confident and better tomorrow, reaches out to embrace those contributing members of the human family. who require the family love, care, concern and Like KDS, there are numerous individuals, organizations and institutions the world over My[Fernandes]Family...Hubli that recognize and respond to the need to make Family love and protection a universal, inclusive right of every human being. This indeed is the crying need of the hour in a global society that is seeing and experiencing dehumanizing acts that degrade and shame all of us as members of God’s family. Ms Nirmala is an ex-principal

Magadaline (Grandmother): I am happy My [Muriel] Family...Quepem My [Cabral] Family...Fatorda to see my family is united. Being with my children and grand children is my joy. George (Father): Ours is a big family. Mother is a uniting factor. We come together for all occasions. Inspite of our differences we are united, we trust, love and pray together. Hilda (Mother): Being a large family, there is lot of give and take. Its nice to be with them. We support each other. Hazel (Daughter): I love my grandma, dad, mom, uncle and aunty. They too love me. Albart (Brother): We share our responsibility Donald (Father): I love my family. God has Sheila (Mother): We are like God’s family. of family. We help one another. Forgiveness, blessed me with a wonderful wife & daugh- We live together in love and communion. understanding makes our family love each ter. The bonds of family are so strong that I other. Tony (Father): We love, laugh, fight and look snatch every opportunity to rush home from after one another. We pray everyday. Rita (Brother’s Wife): We share our joy and work and be in the company of my sweet sorrows, and help each other. I love my family and share the day’s happenings. Jaideep (Son-in-law): To be around for each family. other as one grows older, talking, listening to Francin (Mother): I love the affection each other, wanting to do things together and Auston (Albart’s son): I love mom, dad and of my husband and daughter. They are inculcating the right values. grandma. They help me to do study and pray. understanding and tolerant. I make lot Joann (Daughter): My Family loves me Francis (Brother): We work hard in the family, of sacrifice to keep the family happy and unconditionally in good times and in bad. share the responsibility. I am happy to be content. We express ourselves openly Family are the only people who exasperate, with my family. without hiding anything, discuss and solve make me cry and laugh, and I still want them problems together. We pray and stay to be around. Sonali (Francis’ wife): My family gives me together. freedom. I can be my self. (Continued right) Ajit (Son-in-law): Spiritual and moral growth Chetna (Sister-in-law): I love my family. I Shanti (Daughter): I have very supportive in has the foundation in my family. It is where have learnt to build up relationships and and lovely parents. They are role models of I come home at the end of the day. adjust. good values to me. I love, obey and respect them. I share, discuss and take their advice. Tyrone (Grandson): I am overjoyed in my Elvis (Francis’ son): I love my parents and I am proud of them and have faith and family. They love me, I can talk to them. family. They help me to grow in faith and confidence in them. Without them I would be sad. responsibility. Liam (Grandson): My family takes care of each other.

January - March 2016 SANGATI 23 COVER STORY Dr Nelson Sequeira

Focusing on Stronger Commitment

Scenario of Marriages in Goa sincerely prays for others, impressions will come as I was concelebrating at a nuptial mass in one to what you individually should do to help others.” of the parishes in South Goa. The homily God is the source of love, it is God who is encouraged the couple to have hope in the the binding force of a marriage which is love circumstances where most of the marriages did itself. Prayer, therefore, is one of the means to not work. I was rather taken aback at the word, seek God and understand the needs of others “most.” Is it true that most marriages in Goa in the family. There are other factors one may end up in divorce or separation? question me about marriages of atheists that last. The atheist who focuses on love and seeks The 2011 census of Goa shows that the for opportunities to share love is in touch with population of Goa is 1,458, 545 of which the the source of love without being aware of it. total married persons are 729,963. The number of separated persons is 3,109 and those Divorced The onus of living separately because of the 1330. Why paint a bleak picture? Why do we Job situation look at the 0.61% of failed marriages rather than A number of our family men and some the 99.39% of the couples who have managed to women have been working away from home face their marriages? and though married have to live single lives. The burden of single parenting or the pain of The focus on couples whose marriages have separation in a short time of being married has failed has sharpened more because the number at times caused certain attitudinal changes in of such cases have increased as compared to persons. There is at time miscommunication some fifty years ago. Can we do something of feelings or no communication. “When you to bring down this number. I would like to choose to live apart, it will only work if you are both dwell of some aspects that couples getting absolutely sure of each other’s motives. If there is the married could focus on so can live a stronger merest hint of jealousy or lack of commitment, it will commitment. certainly destroy your relationship,” says Denise The lack of time for prayer together Knowles an experienced counsellor. There Fr. Patrick Peyton says “The family that prays have also been cases where the spouse has, due together stays together.” As the opportunities to circumstances, taken help from a person of for entertainment have increased the time for the opposite gender and slowly developed a praying together has been limited. Couples at relationship with the other person and the love times do not pay attention to the need for prayer between spouses getting cold. together. Lack of John H. communication G r o b e r g Good says, “As you communication is consistently the foundation of and fervently a strong marriage. pray as a Many marriages family, and as could be saved if each member spouses improved takes his or the ways they her turn and

24 SANGATI January - March 2016 communicate with each other. Little gestures, with her husband with his parents. This is a like texting one’s spouse that one is thinking foregone conclusion but when the bride gets about the other, also go a long way, says Lisa married and faces interference in her life or Blum, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist practicing lack of freedom which she enjoyed in her own in Pasadena and Los Angeles and specializing parents home, she proposes to live separately. in working with couples in emotionally- The motives sometimes are seen as suspicious focused therapy. She likens it to keeping especially when the husband is working abroad. plants in one’s home: We must take care of The lack of trust in such circumstances has led them regularly, so they do not wither away. to separations. Another factor is that today “Small loving affirmation” is “the oil in the engine with small families the parents are very much of a happy relationship.” She adds. The internet, attached to the children and vice-versa. Many Instagram and WhatsApp are means that a times the bride has not considered the presence couple could use to strengthen relationship of the unmarried sister in law in the house, and between themselves. But at the same time the needs of the aging parents in-law. these means should not be a substitute for the Finances physical closeness. It is normal to have money fights. It is not The interference by in-laws usually the lack of finances that causes break in marital relationship, but the lack of compatibility in the financial arena. Opposites can attract but when two people have different mind about finances in marriage. A number of arguments break up. The conflict is greater in situations where one is a saver and one is a spender. One is focused on the future while the other believes in living for today. One has no problem buying on credit, while the other believes in saving up for A study in Britain as reported in the Daily what one wants. mail on 12 June 2013, says that one in ten broken marriages were due to interference by Over time, this conflict can reach such heights the in-laws. In the Goan scenario, especially that divorce seems to be the only logical when the husband is away, there is quite conclusion. often miscommunication by the parents of “If managing finances is a real problem area there the husband about the deeds of the wife. The is also an opportunity to improve your relationship husband who has learnt to trust his parents and maybe even reach agreement with the spouse. right from childhood takes what is said without It is not an agreement brought on by surrender, but even analysing or even trying to get to know rather by each person trying to understanding the the wife’s side of the matter. This can lead to other’s view, and finding common ground”, advises misunderstanding. There are also instances Dave Ramsey, a financial author, motivational where the good motives of the in-laws and their speaker, a radio host and television personality interference are perceived in a wrong way by from Tennessee, USA. the couple. Basically building up of trust right before marriage would help to overcome this Unmet expectations difficulty. Benazir Bhutto was once asked about her arranged marriage. She replied saying that, Failure to discuss important matters about arranged marriage had won over love marriage, living together in the sense that, in arranged marriage the In the Goan scenario it is normal that once the expectations are less while in love marriage marriage takes place the bride goes and lives the expectations are more. Every spouse has

January - March 2016 SANGATI 25 expectations and when the expectations are not Refusal to avail professional help fulfilled life gets difficult. All the more when Couples who realise the need of professional one partner expects the other to act and behave help of a counsellor can very often tide the according to the demanding partner’s wishes. crises in marriage. When crises arises, each The other party’s freedom is totally lost and spouse blames the other and they are not ready marriage loses its meaning. to take a counsellor’s help. Even if one spouse is ready, the other is not. In such a circumstances Addictions the relationship comes to a deadlock. Addiction is something that couples find very difficult to forgive, particularly if in the Concluding remarks beginning of the relationship the addiction was Let me conclude quoting Pope Francis. In his not known or did not exist. Some addictions that address at the vigil of prayer for the synod on affect marriages are alcohol problems, gambling the family he said, “When life proves difficult and drugs. Many times these addictions take and demanding, we can be tempted to step back, precedence over the relationship and has led to turn away and withdraw, perhaps even in the stealing of money, selling of wares in the house name of prudence and realism, and thus flee the and above all mistrust, thus damaging gravely responsibility of doing our part as best we can.” He the foundation of one’s marriage. further added, “Every family is always a light, however faint, amid the darkness of this world.” The Major changes in priorities above mentioned cases affect many marriages. Major changes in priorities can cause an end in We have to congratulate and applaud couples a marriage. People grow and change; sometimes who have overcome such and other hurdles they grow together in the same direction and and have marriages a success. The problems I other times they grow apart. There are other have expounded above are not the only ones people who never change and are the same couples encounter. I have mentioned a few so person fifty years into the marriage. What can that those couple who are planning to marry be problematic and end relationships is when may make efforts to build up trust between one or both partners change their priorities in themselves. Presumptions are human but ways that are unacceptable to their spouse. In many presumptions when not actualised have Goa there are cases where major change in created doubts and loss of trust. Trust needs religious beliefs and practices have strained to be built by communicating, discussing relationship, some people put jobs or children important factors, praying together to God the before the marriage. Again, I think it comes author of love…The scenario is not bleak, it is down to trust and consistency. yet assuring, nevertheless, there is always a When things happen to shake that belief, it possibility to make it brighter. rocks the foundation of the relationship. Being Dr. Nelson Sequeira: able to trust, count on and predict one’s spouse Professor of Canon Law, Patriarchal Seminary of Rachol; Diocesan Judge of the Partiarchal Tribunal of the Archdiocese of Goa and is paramount to a healthy, happy relationship. Daman

26 SANGATI January - March 2016 GIVING TIME Cedric & Sarita Carvalho

The Joys of Serving “There are a group of kids that need to be looked about 2 hours, and is generally held on a Sunday after,” announced our Chapter leader at a Couples afternoon. CFCI Youth for Christ serve as ‘Big for Christ India (CFCI) meeting. ‘We are looking for Brothers and Sisters’ to the children. The Youth volunteers who will organise their meetings once a are role models for the children as they conduct the month,” he went on. I looked at my husband Cedric various activities during the meeting. Our role was and said “Shall we? ” He nodded, and raised his to serve as ‘Formators’ and take on the responsibility hand. of bringing the children together, and making sure activities That yes to the are designed and Lord’s call to serve implemented his children was in through 4 Fs – Fun, 1997. That day was Faith, Friendship the start of a journey and Freedom. Many of discovery and parents have told us intimate relationship that the kids enjoy with Our Lord. their KFC meetings The children were and are ready to aged 4-12 years and put aside family had to be divided commitments to into 2 groups. attend them. Children between 4-8 years come Working with kids under the category and the youth who of ‘Junior Kids’ and serve them, has kept those between 9-12 us young at heart. years are placed Their innocence in the ‘Senior Kids’ category. This distinction is is something to be marvelled at. We had heaps of made to help those serving with the kids cater to fun listening to the various answers provided by the them better, with different activities, themes and children, but there were some who knew biblical presentations used for the two age groups. events in minute detail. We learnt more about Scripture as we researched material to be presented The children were primarily from the CFCI to the kids. Community. However, children from outside the community also joined to learn about God and Very soon it was time to conduct the annual Kids develop a relationship with him. We met once a Camp. This was an overnight camp for the senior month. kids. Preparation for a camp begins at least a month before with a chosen set of youth members preparing The monthly meeting is organized either on the and getting their talks and activities reviewed by us. theme of the Season the Church or the fruits of the The youth also do a lot of intercession, chain fasting, Spirit which always have a verse from the Bible to etc. for the success of the camp. encourage children to read the Bible. At camp, a group of 6-8 kids are looked after by a Each meeting has a time of praise, learning songs, youth leader. The youth give the talks, after which games, a teaching session based on a theme, and an the kids break up for group discussions or activity activity to bring out the theme. The meeting lasts under their respective group leaders. We also have a

January - March 2016 SANGATI 27 music ministry- a group of youth who have formed helps kids discover and showcase their talents. The a band. Action songs and praise and worship are kids also play games that teach them that they are a the highlights of every camp. Outdoor games in the part of a team and must work together to win, and evening and maybe a bonfire wraps up the events the ‘God’s Li’l Army’ program teaches our children for the day. Nextday the parents are invited for that we are all called to serve in God’s army and a Eucharistic celebration with their children. As defend Him in the world. The entire weekend is they arrive, we have a one to one session between organized in a boot-camp style and kids feel like parent and child. Parents are earlier told to bring a they are training to join God’s Army. love letter to give to their child. What they do not Over the years, kids (now youth) and their parents know is that during camp their children were asked have testified how these activities benefited them to write a love letter to their parents. This interaction as a family. Many discovered talents and grew in creates a new bond between child and parent. After confidence as they reached out in serving at meetings the mass, the children share their experiences and and camps. As youth, they had a peer group living out are unanimous in saying that they wished the camp the same values. This peer group helped them deal could be extended for another day. The parents, with pressures an adolescent normally undergoes. especially those who were reluctant to send their children for an overnight camp, are happy to see Proverbs 22:6 says: Train up a child in the way he that their children had such an enjoyable time. At should go, and when he is old he will not depart from the end of the camp kids are encouraged to make the it. following promise. Our late parish priest Rev. Canon Antimo Gomes, The Kids’ Promise: when leaving our parish for his next assignment 1. I will pray to God every day. appreciated the work we were doing and said “ You 2. I will always respect and obey my parents and will not see the fruits of your labour when the kids elders. are with you, but only when they grow up into young 3. I will always be good to my brothers, sisters, adults.” classmates, and friends. As formators we have seen many of our ‘Kids’ 4. I will study my lessons well. move on to ‘Youth’ and ‘Singles’ and even join the 5. I will tell others about Jesus. movement back as ‘Couples’. It has given us a great We have explored a number of themes - the ‘Eco sense of accomplishment and joy that the seeds Camp’ that deals with teaching children that God is we planted & nurtured in their hearts as kids have Creator and we must love and protect this gift from helped raise young adults willing to evangelise and God. They also learn different ways to practically testify to the wonders that God has worked in their preserve the environment. ‘You Are a Star Camp’ lives.

Send Your Address & Email to SUBSCRIBE TO The Editor Don Bosco Youth Welfare Centre Online or Print Copy Email to Naika Vaddo, Post Verla FREE [email protected] Parra - Goa 403 510

28 SANGATI January - March 2016 HAZADOUS LIFE Fr Cajetan Menezes

The Impact of Call Centre Jobs...

When it is time for most of us to go to bed and Hearing impairments and ear infections can also be switch of the lights, thousands of youngsters are just caused due to continuous usage of headsets. At the leaving for work at hundreds of call-centers which same time the fact that call centre employees attend are mushrooming all over the country. Call centers calls non-stop for the time they are at work, voice in India have already fuelled a heated debate on impairment can also not be ruled out. out-sourcing of jobs from the West. But for India People working night shifts face arduous problems. its boom time for our economy and employment By the time they adapt to shift timings, the shift opportunities. might change. This changes their sleep-awake On one hand, call centers have generated cycle. This requires the body clock to adjust again, employment; the comparative high salary for a resulting in psychological and physical problems. fresher has meant more disposable income for the Plus no amount of sleeping during the day can middle class. On the other hand, it is a different compensate for sleeping at night. world and culture out there. It’s an upside down While taking calls an employee is under a lot of world where night becomes day and daytime is time pressure as so many people are observing the call to catch up on lost sleep. Numerous youngsters in -- the voice trainer, the team leader or probably even colleges are dropping out to take up these lucrative an official of the company, which has outsourced the high paying jobs. Children begin their careers process. All this has an adverse impact on personal earning much more than their parents do at the fag and family wellbeing. end of theirs. In some cases, the youngster’s blow up their money on material goods while rest of the Impact on marriage and family life family tries desperately to make both ends meet. Family life has been adversely affected because members hardly see each other because of the Impact on personal health awkward hours of work. When do couples get to live Our body has its own routine and whosoever goes their marriage when they hardly get to meet? Will against it cannot stay healthy. For a call centre the children remember how their parents look like? employee, it starts with stress and insomnia in the early stages and ultimately leads to premature Due to job circumstances the individual finds it graying of hair, hair loss and digestive diseases. difficult to maintain social ties with family and friends. Call center organization also find it difficult Call centre employees also suffer from aches related to retain staff due to the high attrition rate in the to arms, hands and wrists due to continuous use of industry. They provide all keyboard and mouse. This is the possible incentives to aggravated by the fact that they retain their employees that have to multitask. Long hours of include free socializing sitting and attending calls leads among employees to back and shoulder pains as through over-night trips, well. recreation rooms and Due to exorbitant exposure even installing condom to computer screens and vending machines on headphones (for a period of 8 to their floors. Job culture 10 hours per day), auditory and and lifestyle is prompting visionary problems also set in. more and more youngsters

January - March 2016 SANGATI 29 to shy away from long-term commitments in relationships. Short-term ‘non-committal’ casual relationships are ‘in’ and men as well as women are okay with the arrangement. Shying of from committed relationships can wear out the social fabric of any society. Besides irregular sleep patterns and demands of new age jobs make on people can wear out the normal functioning of individuals. Leave aside long-term relationships, call center executives can hardly make term commitments stems from the bio-chemical a commitment to meet someone without having to hormonal changes that occur in an individual due cancel it most of the time. All because the shift has to erratic sleep-awake patterns. Coupled with job changed, there’s a crisis at work. If you don’t fill in, stress affects a person’s day-to-day functioning. it will show in the next appraisal, etc. Besides, not wanted to keep long-term relationships is a reflection of the changing psyche of a person, H e l p i n g which is not healthy. More and more couples from My [Dias] Family...Trasi professionals call centers are seeking counseling to put their believe the marital life back on track. tendency not to make long- Fr Cajetan Menezes is the Director of Family Apostolate, Archdiocese of Mumbai

My [Das] Family...Hubli My [Joseph] Family...Fatorda

Walter (Father): Ours is a good family. My children love and respect us. They are also obedient. I am happy with my family. Precilla (Mother): My family is very good as we love each other. Problems and feelings are shared. My children respect and listen to me. We give importance to rosary and reading the word of God. When there are misunderstanding and conflicts among Edwin (Father): Our family is poor. But V A Joseph (Father): It is the best place to parents my children intervene to settle it. God has blessed us with peace. My wife learn to love and to be loved. I truly believe We forgive and forget. We have a good understands me, loves me. In our troubles that my wife Babita and children Andrea relationship among neighbours. we understand and support each other. and Tanya are precious gifts God has given Joyleen (Daughter): l experience peace and That’s what makes our family life meaningful. to me. My family is above everything in the love from my family. My parents provide We pray together. We teach family prayer to world. I am prepared to make any sacrifice education and are concerned about me. My our daughter. for each one of them. mother loves and respects me and I respect Helen Mary (Mother): I love my family. Babita (Mother): My life revolves around my them. My family loves all our relatives. My There is lot of give and take. We are happy husband and children. As a mother, I take family corrects my faults without hurting me. to be together. We share every day work, my responsibilities very seriously because I learn good values here. struggles that we go through. I believe that God created mothers as He Joselin (Daughter): I share my life with Elizabeth Rani (Daughter): My parents tell cannot be everywhere. I find joy in living for my family. They understand my feelings, me to study well. They tell me to pray to God. my family. support and encourage me in participating They teach me prayers. They take me to Andrea (Daughter): I consider myself lucky in extracurricular activities. Parents are a Sunday mass. I love to go to Sunday mass. to be born into this family. I am blessed in great gift from God as I receive lots of love every way with a loving dad, a caring mom from them. and a lovely young sister. I can depend upon them always both in good times and in bad My [D’Souza] Family...Hubli times. The best thing about our family is the Thomas (Father): I belive that our daily prayers quality time we spend together every night keep us together. After a long days work we after the prayers. It is then that we share our get tired but the smiles of our children bring us experiences, worries and joys. happiness and joy. Tanya (Daughter): Being the youngest in Veronica (Mother): Both of us work. At home we the family, I get more than my share of love make each other feel comfortable and share our and support from everyone. The greatest daily chores. We bring our children with good quality of our family is the trust we place values and faith. in one another. Family is the only place Emmanual (Son): I love my parents. They take me where selfless love, care and service are for mass. I love to serve the mass. freely available.I think my family is an earlier Ruth (Daughter): I love my parents. Heaven.

30 SANGATI January - March 2016 PARENTING TIPS Dr Nandita De Souza

The Job List

“Wake up!”“Hurry up!”“Brush your teeth!”“Go for teeth). After discussing with the child, rewards are your bath!”“Do your homework!”“Switch off the chosen. The conversation about rewards is crucial, TV!”“Eat your dinner!”“Go to bed!”… as they should be benefits that the child really wants. These could be daily, weekly and monthly rewards. The list of tasks that we expect children to complete The list of jobs is then put into a table, with columns independently every day is endless. Perhaps the to mark the performance on each job each day. The most exhausting task of parenting is obtaining the child’s behavior needs to be marked DAILY at a cooperation of our children. Some children are born fixed time at the end of the day, in the presence of obstinate, the rest convert to self-determination on the child. Parents should decide how many points the 2nd neonatal day! James Lehman, the behavior per day/week/month earn the child the rewards. As therapist said “You can take the horse to the water mentioned earlier, these returns must be something but you cannot make him drink. But you sure can that the child likes and greatly wants (e.g. extra TV make him thirsty!” time, ordering takeaway food from a restaurant, etc). Welcome to the job list – the mode of stimulating The rewards should be completely within the parent’s thirst in the horse (our strong-willed progeny!), so control and be given ONLY on completion of the that they drink the water (do what we want). If this job. If the child gets their reward just by pestering is not making any sense, let me explain. or threatening the parent, without attaining the required number of points, then the entire approach What is a job list? will lose its power. A list of the potential challenges The job list is as its name suggests –a list of jobs! and suggestions to overcome them are given in the These are any tasks that parents expect their Table. A sample job list is also shown. children to complete everyday (like doing their homework) or limits that they should adhere to (like Does it work? coming home on time). However, these duties are far The job list can work wonders if followed properly from interesting or motivating to children. Hence, and consistently. Though it sounds very simple, the we wave our magic wand and turn them into means challenge is to stick with it even if the child resists to an end that the child desires. Just as we go to it at first (as most children are wont to do). Once work (what our boss wants) and earn a salary or a children learn that they will only get what they want promotion for good work (what we want), the same by working for it, they slowly but surely change way the child has to complete the jobs in order to their behavior for the better. Parents have to prepare earn their reward. themselves for a long haul! This effort is time and energy well spent, as the eventual outcomes How to use a job list? are effective parental control and independent, There is a clear cooperative children. modus operandi to ensure the success of such an approach. To start with, parents should choose any 4-5 ‘jobs’ that they want their child to do, including one that s/he is already doing (e.g. brushing

January - March 2016 SANGATI 31 Possible problems in using the Job List and some time-tested solutions

Problems Solutions The child refuses to follow the job list Do not give the reward unless the child does the tasks

Parent forgets to mark the chart Set a reminder on the cell phone

The child pleads for the reward without doing the task Refuse to give in, be firm

The child helps himself to the reward without working for Be firm and remove the reward, staying absolutely it (e.g. TV time) calm. If this is not possible then change the reward into something that is entirely within the parents’ control e.g. money!

The child insists that they did the task at the end of the Make sure the chart is marked daily in the presence of week the child at the end of the day The child does the task badly and claims that they Set standards in advance e.g. for ‘Keep room clean”, completed it specify what is meant by this e.g. clothes folded in cupboard, shoes on rack, no food lying around, empty chips packets in the dustbin, etc.

JOB LISTFOR THE MONTH OF ______NO LIST OF JOBS MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT SUN 1 DINNER TOGETHER N/A 2 POLITENESS & CO-OPERATION at HOME 3 PHYSICAL SPORTS / MUSIC 4 KEEP ROOM NEAT 5 LIGHTS OUT BY 10 pm N/A

Important points: Dinner to be eaten at the table at 8.30 – 9 pm Politeness & co-operation at home – listening to instructions, eating the prepared food Sports – as per own interest (football, badminton, etc). Music – piano with Mama. Regular practice and perseverance to be shown. Room neatness – bedroom and bathroom, all personal belongings and items used to be kept in place in the rest of the house esp. TV room N/A – on Saturdays, dinner may be eaten while watching TV and bedtime can be anytime up to midnight Scoring system – one mark for each item for each day. 4/5 points per day = 30 minutes of Gameboy 30/33 points per week = eating out or ordering food or going for a movie (only 2 per month)

Dr Nandita De Souza is Developmental & Behavioural Pediatrician; director of Sethu Child Development Centre, Panjim, Goa

32 SANGATI January - March 2016 RESOLVING CONFLICTS Valentine D’Souza

Issues in the Family

Family life can be quite stressful when diverse this, each member of the family has to work as a team. situations bring you in conflict with a parent or a There are different roles for each member and these child or a close relative. Strong emotions are often have to be clearly defined, debated and assigned. aroused due to the close family ties and these may This could be a role of a parent , grandparent, sibling cause a lot of stress. , aunt or uncle. A grandparent should not assume the role of a parent but leave that to the parent of the child I have often seen a child in need of new shoes or .The parents have the responsibility of educating and whatever else, whether it is a genuine need or a disciplining the child, and any intrusion on their role perceived want being tossed about from Father will be to the detriment of the child. to Mother because parents find it difficult to say that new shoes are not the priority at the moment. Catholic teaching has a wealth of information on Children have ingenious ways of Family. A lot of cajoling parents into accepting books have been their point of view. This may published on the often cause heated arguments subject in the past between parents who have year. The Church conflicting opinions on the is concerned with subject of new shoes. Resolving the deterioration of such conflicts without much ado family life. Many is important for the peace of the families break up family. because trivial issues are blown out of Success in resolving conflicting proportion. A little situations amicably depend understanding and on many factors. But when timely counselling of all parties may sometime there is mutual love and respect between spouses, prove effective in saving the situation. these situations become relatively easy to resolve. Parents should define the role of Father or Mother We need to pray for all families because good in disciplining and educating a child early on and families make a better world. should not come in conflict with each other. Children are adept at exploiting such situations and turn them My[D’Souza] to their benefit for short term gains. It does not help Family... Nerur, in the long run since good values are not learnt when Maharashtra parents are in opposition with one another. Patris (Grandfather): Through lot of hard So it helps to be flexible in one’s views and respect work, I have brought up my family. another’s opinion or behaviour. Accommodation to Fulamen another’s short comings and forgiveness of another’s (Grandmother): We are faults resolves many issues and makes family life united and love one another. enjoyable. Joseph (Father): I stay with my parents, wife and children. We live in love. When each member of the family grows and attains Magdelin (Mother): I serve my family in love. full potential of his capabilities and talents, there is Jason (Son): We are a happy family. much joy and happiness in the family. To achieve Jerusha (Daughter): (Please hold on for couple of years)

January - March 2016 SANGATI 33 A CALL Fr Jason Coelho, SDB

Family: The Seedbed of Vocations

Vocation ministry is a necessary and beautiful work understand. A faithful family is the answer for (and it’s one in which I am personally involved), that. Come to the holy family of Nazareth. Joseph but it will inevitably be a classic case of “too little, could not bear with the reality of the pregnancy of too late” if we fail to do more for and within the his bride, Mary. But he was ready to listen to the most important institution responsible for fostering word’s of the angel of the Lord and did as the angel vocations to the priesthood—the family. The founder commanded him. Joseph believed that it was the will of Opus Dei once remarked that those called by God of God to which he surrendered himself totally. The owe ninety percent of their vocation to their parents. family through its prayer and sharing can realize the Above all else, it is the family that must manifest will of God, which will give true meaning to each a fervent commitment to creating and fostering a one’s life. culture of vocation. This commitment begins in the The Family, the place of praying together: A home and extends and radiates outward impacting family which prays together stays together. The the various small communities in which families are lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those involved—parishes, clubs, and schools, for example. who hope in his steadfast love (Ps.147.11) Children The family must be a school of love where love is learn the power of prayer from their own family learned through word and deed. Further, the faith experience. Personally speaking, the basis of my must be lived with great vigor. If the Gospel is not prayer life is my involvement in my family prayer taught and lived at home, if the members of the when I was a boy. As Saint John Paul II noted in his family do not embrace the truth that freedom is for autobiography, it was his father’s witness to the faith a life of virtue, it will be difficult for our children to in the midst of much hardship and societal strife grow up with a sense of mission, of being called to that created “my first seminary, a kind of domestic a vocation. seminary” that gave rise to his priesthood. The Cure of Ars was once asked by parents what they could God plants the seed, but in order for the vocation best do for their children. He said simply to bring to flourish and the harvest to be plenty, the seedbed them frequently to Jesus in the Eucharist and in the itself must be of rich, fine soil. The family is that Sacrament of Penance. Figure out how you can do seedbed and as with all seedbeds, the harvest will this respecting their freedom yet making it attractive. be poor if the soil is poor and the harvest will be plentiful if the soil is excellent. Through my There are certain things that children must be taught vocation ministry, I believe that these are necessary in the family, for they will not get it anywhere else, conditions if the family is to be the primary seedbed especially in this day and age: Virtue. Let us teach of vocations. them to be virtuous! This may sound like we want to make your children boring and lifeless, but that is The family, the place where God’s will is realized: far from the case. The four Cardinal Virtues help to There are so many things in our life which we don’t navigate the world: • Prudence: making the right decisions • Justice: being able to do the right thing • Fortitude: doing the right thing when under stress. • Temperance: finding the path of life down the middle, avoid extremes

34 SANGATI January - March 2016 The Family, the place Father John McCloskey where God meets in his article “Family man: The creation and Vocations” said, of man itself is, God Vocations are a supply- revealing himself. The side phenomenon. best example of this is Supply creates demand. the family of Nazareth If you supply (offer) where God again your children to God Family: The Seedbed of Vocations revealed his pure image through your prayer in the form of child and careful preparation, Jesus. The mystery of He will match you incarnation itself was by taking them and God coming to meet man and dwell with him so through His grace and their collaboration. Pope that man might recover the experience of Paradise Francis said at the world day of Prayer for Vocations, where God used to meet man and walk with him. behind and before every vocation to the priesthood Today it is the family which should open itself as or to the consecrated life there is always the strong this meeting place of God and man. and intense prayer of someone: a grandmother, a grandfather, a mother, a father, a community… Family, the place where God’s blessings are This is why Jesus said: “Pray therefore the Lord of fulfilled: To be happy is the greatest blessing of God the harvest,” that is, God the Father, “to send out in our life. Family is the group which fulfills this laborers into his harvest” (Mt 9:38). Vocations are happiness. How happy was Mary who experienced born in prayer and from prayer; and only through the blessing of God that she sang the Magnificat. prayer can they persevere and bear fruit. Elizabeth also was very happy when she was blest with a child and she proclaimed, “This is what the Let us invoke the intercession of Mary who said Lord has done to me when he looked favourably on “yes”. May Mary, our Mother, help us to know me …” To experience God’s blessings one has to Jesus’ voice better and better, and to follow it, so as walk in his ways. Let the family be a fountain of the to walk on the path of life! outpouring of God’s graces so that it will become the ‘Family Church’ which is a source of holiness. Fr Jason Coelho is the Vocation Animator for the Salesian Province of Panjim

My[Santamaria]Family...Hubli My [Naik] Family...Sulcorna My [Gomes] Family...Panjim

Joseph (Father): God has blessed my family. Prakash (Father: We love one another and Marwin (Father): My family is the best gift We stay together in all ups and downs of our children are obedient to us. from God. life. Word of God is helping us live Christian Jacinta (Mother): We are happy because we values. Jeanette (Mother): My family is a refuge, a are united, share together and pray. place to come home to. Fatima (Mother): Rosary brings our family Gracy (Daughter): We are joyful and united. Noah (Son): A place of constant support together in all our efforts, hard works and Godwin (Son): We get what we need. I and love. struggles. realize the hard work of my parents. Gabriela (Daughter): A crazy and loud place. Vivian (Son): Thanks to our parents. What I am today is because of their sacrifice & love. Krisha (Daughter): Disfunctional. Crazy but Gloria (Daughter): My parents give me amazing. freedom. They understand and love me. Stanly (Brother): Thanks to my brother and sister-in-law, they love me. I am happy to be with them.

January - March 2016 SANGATI 35 GOLDEN JUBILARIAN Fr Loddy Pires, SDB Born

December 20, 1975 is a memorable To day in myBe over 17 acontinuous Priest years in the remote parish of life, when the Lord shared with me his eternal Ambaulim (Quepem district), Goa. He retired long priesthood. I was ordained in the Shrine of Don after the retirement age. Bosco’s Madonna, Matunga-Mumbai, by Rt. Rev. Fr. Carminho D’Souza, the assistant priest at Simon Pimenta, Auxiliary Bishop of Mumbai,who Salvacao Portuguese Church, Dadar, Mumbai, later became Cardinal-Archbishop of Mumbai. also encouraged me and appreciated my services in Church. He used to award prizes to boys who When the Provincial, Fr. Mauro Casarotti, informed served the most number of Masses and I was always me that my Priestly Ordination would take place on heading the list of prize winners. This priest was the Saturday before the fourth Sunday of Advent, sure I would join the diocesan seminary at Goregaon, my joy knew no bounds, as that year it fell on but I utterly disappointed him when I went to the December 20, my birthday. My mother on hearing salesian aspirantate (minor seminary) at Tirupattur, of this spontaneously exclaimed, “I knew you were Tamilnadu. Though a diocesan priest, with his love born to be a priest”. My Provincial, who raised the for boys, whom he provided with sport facilities, he toast at my First Thanksgiving Mass at Matunga too was a great inspiration to me. I can truly say, he had said, “You were born for the Lord’s work”. a special love for me. I never had any other ambition in life than to become a good priest. I joined Don Bosco High School, Matunga in Std IV, Where did this holy desire through the kind favour of come from? Fr. Aurelius Maschio and My maternal grandfather Fr. John Giacomello. In Std Dominic, who would wake VII, my Rector, Fr. Hubert me up and accompany me D’Rozario, (who later became to Church, as early as 4.30 the Archbishop of Shillong) a.m. instilled in me the love in a personal chat with me of serving at daily Mass. My discovered my firm desire of parents, Mathias and Edocian being a priest. He spoke to me (Eddy) were daily Mass goers of the Salesian way of life and and we daily recited the it did not take me long to think family rosary on our knees, of joining the Salesians. I was often at a late hour, as both my attracted by the familiarity parents would come home late and kindness of the brothers from work. and fathers. My Vice- Principal, Fr. Dennis Duarte My paternal uncle priest, (later the first Provincial of Fr. Aurelian Pires of the the Mumbai Province) had a Archdiocese of Goa was a serious looking face but also great inspiration to me. He a loving and generous heart. was a holy priest who loved Fr. Eliseus Bianchi was my the poor. As a matter of fact Hindi-language teacher and he served as Parish priest for 36 SANGATI January - March 2016 Scout Master. I would see salesians everywhere in superiors always encouraging me. The real test the school campus. I was a day-scholar but most of came when a month after my priestly ordination, my day was spent in school. my first younger sister Marilia met with a fatal road accident on her way to school. It was the January In May 1960, with the blessings of both my parents 22, 1976. I had just returned to the seminary, Kristu I travelled with the group of aspirants to Tirupattur, Jyoti College - Bangalore, to complete the last lap Tamilnadu. For the first time, I experienced the of my priestly formation. That death shook the very Born pangs of separation from my parents, my grandfather roots of my vocation. I was shattered. My parents and my younger brother Auro. My 3 other siblings had more faith in God than I, with all my seminary (Marilia, Julitta, Savio) were born later). But with the formation. Dad kept repeating, “The Lord has given, warmth and love I experienced at Tirupattur, I soon the Lord has taken away”. Marilia was born in 1961, To Be a Priest got to love and better understand the salesian way when I had left home for the aspirantate and she of life. Some of my Mumbai companions began to died just one month after my ordination. My contact leave the aspirantate gradually for various reasons, with her was little as I could be with her only during but the Lord somehow led me forward with a steady my very short vacation periods. But I have seen her hand. The superiors and class mates showed special grow into a very intelligent and beautiful girl. I was consideration to me, a “Bombay-wallah”, that I never proud of her. She played a very important role in my felt out of place there. First Mass celebration and many people remembered her as a gifted and pleasant girl. She was just 14 Antony my classmate in Matunga, was my close years old. friend. He was called first by the Rector to join the aspirantate. He had mentioned to the Rector of my A good family and especially good parents nurture desire to be a priest, which was not a secret to my good vocations. I am deeply grateful and attached to friends. I was sad when his parents did not allow him them. My parents always said that my absence in the to accompany me to the aspirantate. I was informed a house was not much felt as they felt that Jesus had month later, that he had died in tragic circumstances. filled the vacuum created. He had gone for a picnic with his friends, who had the silly idea of robbing mangoes from an orchard. I am now 50 years a Salesian and 40 years a Priest. The dogs that were let loose ferociously attacked I have constantly felt the powerful presence of God Antony and he succumbed to his injuries. This death assisting me and the maternal protection of Our made a deep impression on me and I considered my Blessed Mother, whom I never fail to praise in my vocation even more seriously. ministry. My devotion to St. John Bosco helps me to be faithful to the Salesian charism. My vocational journey towards the priesthood was without too many hurdles, with my parents and

Be a Part of the Salesian Family! As a Salesian (Priest/Brother/Sister) As a Benefactor / Donor Contact: Vocation Director, Don Bosco Benaulim, Contact: Fr Romulo Noronha, Shrine of Our Lady of South Goa. Ph: 0832 2771587 / 09763571877 Fatima, Don Bosco Panjim, Goa 403001 [email protected] [email protected] Fr Rector, Don Bosco Panjim, Goa Ph: +91 832 221986 ext 276 Mob:+91 9423056734 Ph: 0832 2221986 / 09921461597 To BOOK MASSES & [email protected] Fr Rector, Don Bosco Youth Centre, Shirva, Udupi, MAKE ONLINE DONATIONS visit: Karnataka. Ph: 0820 2576655 / 09483153613 www.donboscopanjim.com [email protected] As a Volunteer Fr Rector, Bosco Udyogshala Pinguli, Kudal, Contact: Executive Director, Konkan Development Sindhudurg. Ph: 02362 222332 / 09673947144 Society, Odxel, Goa. Ph: 0832 3260711 / 09881810953 [email protected]

January - March 2016 SANGATI 37 YOUTH SPEAK Joanne D’Souza

My Family, a Blessing Family is where life begins and love never ends. family; my grandmother, great grandmother and my Growing up in a loving and wonderful home, I have mother’s mother as well. And they have done this always experienced that love and support. My family so generously that my sister and I grew up with the consisted of my parents, sister and grandmother. I same love and care for our elderly people. was born in Mumbai and we Of course no family is perfect and moved to Goa when I was 3 we have our share of difference of years old. My parents took opinions on many occasions. But I great efforts to make sure that have understood that it is important to my childhood was happy and reflect on their opinions because they content. have seen more in life than I have and The turning point in my life are in a better position to advise me. was the decisive years after my I am very privileged to have such a Std XII where I had to decide wonderful family. I know that I am one what I wanted to do in my life. I of the lucky ones. I can most surely decided to study physiotherapy say that I am what I am today because but I would have to move out of my family. They are the ones who of Goa and go elsewhere since have helped me throughout my life to the course was not available make good choices and to differentiate here. Leaving my home and between what is good and bad; they my family was probably the have been there for me even when I most difficult moment of my have not deserved it. Even today my life. It took a lot of support parents are my support system. I can and encouragement from my family that helped me rely on them for anything. complete my education and become who I am today. Our family is given by God. We do not choose our After completing my education and coming back to family. Hence no matter how they are we need to Goa I started work with an NGO that works with love and respect them. Being in a family means Geriatric population. I found my true calling in that that we are part of something very wonderful, to be and pursued it wholeheartedly. My parents have loved and to love for the rest of our lives. always looked after any elderly member from my

My[Savanth]Family...Hubli My[Fernandes]Family...Nerur, Maharashtra David (Father): My family is my joy, trust, hope and Anton (Father): I have love. I experience it in all the brought up my family by situation of life. working hard. We live Mary (Mother): Praying happily. together helps us understand Abelin (Mother): My son each other better. We love works hard and feeds us. one another, correct and Maria (Daughter-in-law): My help each other. family is loving. We love one another. Steevan (Son): My parents, Juanv (Son): We help each other and understand one another. along with discipline and study, have thought me pray and help to poor. Also helped me to grow Clasia & Clyde (Grand daughter & Son): We love our family. responsibly, love my environment and neighbour. Marceline (Daughter): Parents are supporting me in my education. They struggle to help us economically. I help them in their work at home. I love them.

38 SANGATI January - March 2016 FAMILY FIRST Fr Dominic Savio Fernandes, SDB

5 Priorities for Every Family The family is the most important unit of society and II. Express affirmation, warmth, and the greatest gift of God to this universe. The Church encouragement re-affirms the importance of the family by declaring Parents who practice loving parenting, as opposed the year 2015 as the year of the FAMILY. The newly to shame-based parenting, will create a home where published Compendium of the Social Doctrine of children and spouses feel more secure. Say “I love the Church dedicates one of its first chapters to the you” to them often, and give them plenty of physical institution of the family, described as “the vital cell affection like hugs, kisses, and back rubs. Encourage of society.” When the families are strong, society them to pursue their areas of interest and become the is strong, when families are weak, societies begin people God wants them to become. to break down. Good families directly benefits III. Build healthy morals and values children with: The decisions that kids make today will often affect • higher self-esteem; them for the rest of their lives. Study the culture • better family functioning; so you can understand what cultural influences • greater family cohesiveness; currently pose a danger to your kids spiritually. Pray • lower levels of anxiety; for God’s help to teach biblical values and morals to • fewer behavior problems. your kids in ways they can best learn. As we move into IV. Discipline with the year of MERCY, consistency let us move our When you clearly families towards express expectations better relationships and consistently through a life of follow through, compassion and you’ll produce forgiveness. Five responsible kids. priorities is a must Keep in mind that to help our families consistent discipline to move towards takes lots of time and Holistic and energy. Remember Holiness. the Bible’s promise that if you train your I. Be there kids in the way they Your spouse and should go, when they’re old they won’t depart from kids regard your very presence as a sign of caring it. and connectedness, truly love is spelt as TIME. Keep in mind that your job as a parent is a calling V. Prayer and Mercy the foundation from God - more important than any other work you Is your family gathered together in His name, in do, including the job you get paid to do - and your His presence, for His glory, to praise, thank, adore, influence on your kids will be your greatest legacy. forgive and ask Him to unite in love? Prayer is also Ask God to help you make whatever sacrifices you listening to God and listening to one another. Be need to make to free up your time and energy to be merciful as your heavenly father is merciful. there for your spouse and kids, often. These five priorities must be a source of strength and grace to every family. May our families produce Saints and Spiritual leaders. January - March 2016 SANGATI 39 PARENTING Katherine Lee

Common Discipline Mistakes To err is human, and to make discipline mistakes is help you both deal with the situation in a calmer sometimes a part of being a parent. The next time manner. your child misbehaves and you find yourself losing 3. Being inconsistent your cool or wondering if you are handling your If you reprimand your child for not cleaning his room child’s bad behavior the right way, think about these one day and then not bother to talk to him about it solutions to fixing common discipline mistakes that when his room is messy for days on end, only to parents often make. scold him again for not keeping his room clean, your 1. Not being respectful child is getting a very inconsistent message. One of You read that right. We parents ask our children the best ways to help children correct their behavior to respect us, but we sometimes forget that respect is by giving them clear instructions about what is should be a two-way street. One of the most common expected of them. mistakes parents make when disciplining children The Fix: Give your child clear and simple directions, is yelling, speaking in a harsh and angry tone, or and a realistic list of expectations. For instance, if even insulting their children. Giving and asking you want him to clean his room every week, mark it for respect in return is one of the cardinal tips to on a calendar and make that “room clean-up day.” Set remember about disciplining children. him up for good behavior, and if he does not follow The Fix: Think about how you would like to be through, give him a consistent set of consequences spoken to if you were working out a conflict with, (by, say, taking away privileges or a favorite toy for say, a family member or a friend or co-worker. a set amount of time). Don’t give different degrees Get down to your child’s eye level, and discuss of punishments for the same misbehaviour and be the problem at hand in a gentle (but still firm) and constant and consistent in enforcing the rules. respectful manner. And no matter how angry you 4. Talking/explaining too much are, try to remain calm; do not yell, and never belittle While it’s a good idea to talk to your child about why your child. something she did was not appropriate so that she 2. Disciplining while angry can have a clear sense of what she did wrong and how There are some things that just should not go together, she can behave differently the next time, going into like drinking and driving or writing a heated email lengthy and detailed explanations about her behavior to someone who’s made you angry before you’ve had is not a good idea. Children, who are getting better at a chance to cool down. Disciplining a child while paying attention, can easily lose track of discussions angry is definitely in that category of don’ts. When that go too much into detail. you reprimand your child while you are mad about The Fix: Be as direct as possible and break it down something they did, you are more likely to shout or into basics for your child. With older children, say something you don’t mean. And you’re also less talk about what went wrong and discuss possible likely to take out whatever other frustrations you scenarios that could have been better choices. With may be having on a bad day (and, hey, we all have younger children, simply state what the behaviour those) and focus your anger at something unrelated was and why it was wrong (“You went into your to your child on his behavior. brother’s room and played with his toy without his The Fix: Take a few minutes (or more if you need permission, and that made him feel like you didn’t it) to calm down and collect your thoughts before care about his feelings”). talking to your child about his bad behavior. 5. Going negative Remove yourself or your child from the immediate Hearing a string of “don’ts” and “no’s” isn’t any fun situation by, say, taking a walk. In fact, giving you for anyone, especially a child. Focusing on what a and yourself some time to reflect on the conflict may child did wrong or what he should not do instead

40 SANGATI January - March 2016 of emphasizing what a child should do can put a example that you are setting up for your child. And negative spin on things and set the tone for your if you do occasionally break one of your own rules, interaction. explain to your child the particular circumstances The Fix: Approach things from a more positive and why you behaved the way you did. Admit to how perspective by talking about what can be done better. you could have handled it better, and talk about how If your child is whining or talking back to you, show you may do things differently the next time. her some examples of how to speak in a nice and 8. Not fitting the discipline technique to your more friendly manner. After tempers have cooled child on both sides, try a lighthearted game of speaking When it comes to child discipline, one size does nicely to each other to express yourselves better. If not fit all. What worked on a child’s sibling or the your child is fighting with a sibling, suggest some kids of friends may be the wrong approach for that ways they can build a good sibling relationship, such particular child. Instead of repeatedly trying to as by having them work together on a project. fit a certain approach to correct or guide a child’s 6. Thinking disciplining means punishing behavior, try different techniques to see what might Often, parents forget that the point of disciplining work best on an individual child. children is to give them firm guidelines and limits The Fix: Remember that children, like adults, so that they do not need to be punished. Disciplining have their own personalities, temperaments, and means setting up boundaries and expectations quirks. One kid may be more stubborn than others so that kids know what is expected of them. The or be more likely to have a meltdown when things primary goal is to have kids learn to eventually don’t go his way. Try different approaches to tailor regulate themselves so that they do not need to be discipline techniques to each individual child. For punished. instance, while one child may be able to focus and The Fix: Re-think the way you view discipline. stop dawdling after a few general reminders, another When you discipline a child, you are showing her child may need charts and schedules and closer how to make good choices and choose behaviors supervision to keep him on track. that are positive and ultimately good for her. And by Another example: While one child may stop showing her how you handle her misbehavior -- in misbehaving after a warning that he will lose a loving and constructive manner that emphasizes privileges (a toy or an activity), another child may learning rather than punishment -- you are teaching actually need to have those things taken away and her how to one day interact with her own children experience the consequences of bad behavior before when they demonstrate bad behavior. he learns to follow the rules. 7. Not practicing what you preach 9. Not disciplining children at all You tell your child not to tell lies but routinely Among the many important reasons why we need fib to get out of things you don’t want to do like to discipline children is the fact that children who join that school volunteer committee or attend an are raised with clear limits and guidance are more unimportant meeting at work. Or you yell at your likely to be happy, pleasant people who have good children and angrily tell them to speak nicely to self-control. When children are not disciplined, each other. The problem is that we often do not see the effects are clear, and in most cases, quite our own behaviour, and forget that our children catastrophic. Children who are not given any limits are watching our every move and learning how to or consequences and are spoiled are often selfish, behave by using our example. unable to self-regulate, and unpleasant to be around. The Fix: As much as possible, try to live up to the The Fix: Give your child rules and limits -- and clear and consistent consequences when they don’t do what they are supposed to do. If you are worried that disciplining your child may make them angry with you, keep the bigger picture in mind: Not disciplining a child is not good for him. As long as you handle his misbehavior with love and firm guidance, your child will learn and grow from his mistakes. Katheline Lee is a school-age children expert, http://childparenting.about.com/od/behaviordiscipline/a/

January - March 2016 SANGATI 41 FAMILY SPIRIT Vivian Andrews, SDB

Musings on Don Bosco’s Family Spirit Family is something that is deeply close to our or a prank, leave alone theatre, music or sports. He hearts. It is the cradle of society where a child learns had a break from the routine only when a few boys his first lessons in life. In a family, a child is loved, visited him on weekends. With them he felt at home, accepted and is given the time and space to grow. he would spend time with them, share light moments Along with discipline and instruction there is ample and leave them with a little thought. It must have room for the unsystematic and the unplanned. taken tonnes of courage and perseverance for a character like John to go through it all. As a boy Don Bosco experienced family love, more especially from his mother. She let him play Later on he would insist that a Salesian institute be games, go after birds’ nests and enjoy the general referred to as ‘casa’ meaning a house. An oratory for spontaneity of childhood. Being a good mother, him was meant to be a home, a family and not simply she also instructed him in religion and made sure a boarding school. Cardinal John Cagliero offers us he put in his mite as regards household chores. She a glimpse of the spirit that reigned in the Oratory - made him feel important and he in turn knew that “He shared our life and made us feel that this was his mother loved and trusted him, whence springs not just a boarding school but a real family that the Bosconian maxim, “It is not enough to love the was cared for by a tender, loving father, whose only young, they concern was must know they our spiritual are loved”. and material When he well being”. narrated his R e a l i z i n g first dream the need for to his family a motherly members at presence at table, Mamma Valdocco, he Margaret could brought his have belittled mother to help it like the him out in rest, but she raising his sons. held it up as She was a cook, something that a housekeeper, was important a nurse, a to her son. catechist, a seamstress, a During his mother; she seminary years was everything Don Bosco she could possibly be to the boys. Fascinated by missed this family spirit. He longed so much to speak the novel way of functioning, a Parisian newspaper to his superiors but the latter as per the prevalent Poterix reported, “We have seen this system in custom, remained aloof. Life at the Chieri seminary action. In Turin, the students form a big group in was one marked by long hours of silence, study and which there are no lines but move around as in a prayer. The bell took care of the daily movements. family. Every teacher is surrounded by a group There was no place for a giggle, a wink, a nudge without irritation or conflicts. We have admired the

42 SANGATI January - March 2016 joyous faces of these students and could not help feel the courage to confess and admit their faults in exclaiming: ‘Here is the finger of God.’” all honesty. According to Peter Braido, “the very essence of the preventive system requires a calm and Therefore a Salesian community is not just a religious exemplary environment, namely a family climate”. community but a family that lives and works In such an atmosphere, there is no place for undue together. But why the family spirit at all? Why did formalities but the bare minimum regulations for the Don Bosco insist so much on it? The answer lies in sake of smooth functioning. understanding the type of mission he undertook. The sociological conditions of nineteenth century Turin Don Bosco opines that the authoritarian rule does compelled him to accept boys who had no family, bring about order and silence but when pupils under came from dysfunctional families or lived away such a regime grow up they become rebellious from their families totally neglected, becoming easy because when they were young their personality was prey to immorality. He began working with boys warped into timid and hypocritical characters due to who had not experienced the gentleness of a parental authoritative superiors. home and thus wanted his institutions to be a kind of However, the climate of familiarity does not mean a home where there would be love, confidence and a exemption from obedience to a few rules. Fr. sense of security. He wanted the healthy growth of Lemoyne makes the following observation. “In his pupils and hence sought to provide a favourable those memorable days the boys enjoyed maximum atmosphere for these youngsters who had no real freedom as though they were in their own homes. family. But little by little, as the need arose, Don Bosco A Salesian educator thus seeks to build up a family gradually introduced some timely regulations.” atmosphere, a certain climate, by a constant caring Nevertheless, even if stern disciplinary measures attitude towards the young; a certain familiarity were sometimes justly given, Don Bosco would not which entails being totally available to the young. tolerate from his Salesians an overall neglect in the In his famous letter from Rome in May 1884, he building up of a family atmosphere. urged his Salesians to be present with youngsters “Family, Become What You Are” is the ecclesial call especially during their recreation. He adds, “You of today. Imperfect that awe are as human beings we see, closeness leads to affection and affection brings have to grow and become more and more of what confidence. One who knows he is loved returns love we are. As a Salesian Family, we need to become and one who loves can obtain anything especially more of what we profess to be, a true family where from the young. Jesus Christ became little with the an atmosphere of fear, suspicion and jealousy gives little. He is the teacher of familiarity.” way to one of spontaneity, trust and charity. Let us In such an atmosphere hearts are opened and trust also strive to avoid all that savours of a political is built. Youngsters living in a non-threatening organisation – a hunger for power, careerism, gossip atmosphere have the freedom to commit faults and and jealousy. Let us simply become what we are, a family in the service of the young.

My [TP] Family...Dona Paula Simon (Father): Each member of our family is a pillar of our collective strength. Kabir is the added joy to us, gifted by God. Soja (Mother): We love each other and were glad that God put us together. To be apart of a family like mine, is so divine, where love is shown, hurt is shared, our love for each other is never impaired. We talk, we laugh, we cry but we are a family and we do it all together. A family full of strength, a family full of love , a family no one can touch. That’s why I love my family so much. Shinta (Daughter): My family for me is special because they accept me for who I am, and would do anything to see me smile and love me no matter what. And life begins in my family and love never ends… Pabitra (Son-in-law): My family like branches on a tree, grows in different directions, but the roots remains as one... Kabir (Grandson): I love my papa, mummy, my appappa (grandpa), my ammamma (grandma) and specially my MEMA (Shinu). Shinu (Daughter): “My family is a concoction of high energy, love, commitment and devotion to our God. A dose of this concoction every day truly enlightens the soul from within”.

January - March 2016 SANGATI 43 MESSAGE Fr Ángel Fernández Artime

Suggestions for (I give you) three simple suggestionsthe that might Year the unfailing exerciseof of Mercyfatherhood revealed in the throw light on our efforts to walk in this year mission of Christ, teacher and shepherd, and in the of Mercy that we have begun, quite rightly in the presence of the Holy Spirit, sent to transform the experience of a God, who in order to be so, needs to world. The powerful though hidden efficacy of the meet us, ourselves and the young, with a heart that Spirit is directed to bringing about the maturity of is seeking him. humanity on the model of Christ. He is the animator of the birth of the new man and of the new world The first is this: I fully share the thought and (cf. Rm 8, 4-5). In this way your educational labours the sentiments of the previous Rector Major in will be seen to be a ministry of collaboration with suggesting to the Salesian Family that the desire of God and will certainly be fruitful.” the young to “see Jesus” is already the fundamental reason for us to come to be disciples of Christ May Mary our Mother and Help, the Woman of given that he asks himself: who will present the “yes” who welcomed the Spirit of God in her heart dreams and the needs of the young to Jesus? Who and in her life help us in the beautiful responsibility will make it possible for the young to see Jesus? It is for the young which as the Salesian Family we have in our accompanying them and walking at their side in the Church of today, and may one of the desires that our existence is rooted, and it changes us into which Pope Francis addressed to us almost at the end real companions and apostles of the young. of his letter in this historic year of the bicentenary of the birth of Don Bosco become a reality. The second is this: in the process we are proposing “we cannot do anything better than this: guide the “May Don Bosco help you to not disappoint the young towards holiness”. Accompanying them deep aspirations of the young: their need for life, on the journey towards becoming mature in the openness, joy, freedom and the future; their desire faith, to high goals, and being ourselves the first to to collaborate in building up a more just and believe in this journey, which we ourselves take as fraternal world, in fostering the development of the goal for our lives, our personal witness is the all peoples, in safeguarding nature and the living determining factor. That is what Don Bosco did environment. Following his example you will help putting everything at stake in order to achieve his them to experience that only in the life of grace, that dream (God’s plan for him) on behalf of the young. is in friendship with Christ, does one fully obtain the most authentic ideals. You will have the joy of Finally let us not forget that processes are slow accompanying them in their search for a synthesis and need to be gradual as the very patience and of faith, culture and life at moments when they take pedagogy of God show us. Of this point John Paul weighty decisions or attempt to interpret a reality II reminded us with these words in “Juvenum that is complex.” Patris”: “Be strengthened by the inexhaustible patience of God in his pedagogy towards humanity,

44 SANGATI January - March 2016 Letters to the Editor... October - December 2015 | Vol 08 Issue - 04

I am very impressed by the exceptionally Besides your regular News Items, the good quality of the issue. I’m also happy whole issue of Educators and Educands, to see the positive ripples that Laudato Si’ brought out the deep connection is creating around the globe. Nice to see between the Earth, Human Kind and that the Salesian world is waking up to the God. The various dimensions of the Pope’s ecological challenges. Encyclical Letter Laudato Si’ brought -Fr Joshtrom Isaac Kureethadam, Rome out by this issue was a real eye opener. Issues on Ecology and Sin, Ecology and Spirituality, Ecology and Change, Ecology I’ve glimpsed through the pages of the and Respecting the Environment made two issues of Sangati. Congratulations! a knowledgeable reading. One thing I can imagine the immense amount of special that was manifested by this issue time, skill and creativity you have used was the involvement of everyone, that to bring so many writers together in each is, the children, adolescents, youngsters, volume. experts, those with a lot of experience in Well done! various fields and even the non Christians, -Peter Gonsalves, Rome gave it a very universal look. I really appreciate the format of the Bulletin, the layout of the issue, the fonts chosen, the I am going through the latest Sangati and apt pictures displayed, the graphics. It really liked all the articles which are quite makes a pleasant reading. strongly worded. I wish some of these -Dr Socorro Mendes, Goa could be put in our local newspapers for wider readership. -Yvonne Mascarenhas, Goa Very good work...educational articles... -Fr Kiran Nazareth, Shirva

The SANGATTI issue is done well. I found it interesting, appealing and educative. Congrats for the wonderful work and -Fr Brian Moras, Sindhudurg involvement of the other province confreres. -Fr Mathias D’Cunha, Sindhudurg It is really wonderful....Congratulations. -Sr Melissa D’Souza, Mumbai Very inspiring Sangati. -Fr Franco Pereira, Kuwait Congrats, an excellent issue of Sangati. -Fr Savio Silveira, Mumbai

January - March 2016 SANGATI 45 BENAULIM FATORDA LOUTULIM KAKATI ODXELSALESIANDABOLIM OROS KUDAL PARRA PALIEM PANJIM SIRSI PROVINCE NEWS Ordinations of 5 New Priests 25 Years of Salesian Presence at Tuem

With grateful hearts the Salesians of Don Bosco celebrated 25 years in the picturesque village of Tuem. Jesus the High Priest, shared his priesthood with five Deacons within a On December 14, 2015 Mount span of nineteen days. Don Bosco sported a festive look with flags, bandanas, billboards Deacon Jason Pinto was Ordained Priest on December 17, 2015 at Our and the traditional brass band heralding a milestone achieved. Lady of Miracles Cathedral by Dr. Gerald Isaac Lobo, Bishop of Udupi; Deacon Austin Fernandes was ordained on his birthday, December The solemn High Mass was 20, 2015 at Rosary Church Malvan by Rev. Alwyn Barreto, Bishop of presided over by Rev. Filipe Neri Sindhudurg; Deacons Francisco Britto and Marvin Vaz were ordained Ferrão, Archbishop of Goa and on December 21, 2015 at the Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima, Panjim by Daman. In his homily, he urged Rev. Filipe Neri Ferrao, Archbishop of Goa and Daman; and Deacon everyone present to be grateful Kiran Nazareth was ordained in the new year on January 5, 2016 at Holy to God for the wonders He has Cross Church, Byndoor in Udupi district by Dr. Gerald Isaac Lobo. Frs worked through the Salesians Jason, Austin and Kiran studied their theology at Papal Seminary, Pune these past years on the pastoral and Frs Francisco and Marvin at Kristu Jyoti College, Bangalore. and educational front, besides After their ordinations each of the newly ordained thanked the bishop, lauding the heroic work done by parents, vocation promoters, guides, spiritual directors, professors, the Diocesan priests prior to the confessors, benefactors, well wishers and friends. Their families were Salesian takeover of the parish. the most happy ones, one could see around. Their joy had no bounds. “The difficult terrain, the poverty Salesian Family too rejoiced and celebrated the priceless gifts to the of the people and lack of transport Province of Panjim at Christmas. did not deter those self sacrificing priests”, he said. He particularly commended the efforts of Fr. Eugenio Coutinho who in Don Bosco Quepem Shines in Athletics challenging situations built the Pope John XXIII church with the help of the people. High School, Later Fr. Ian Figueiredo, the Quepem emerged Provincial spoke on the occasion. taluka Athletic Thereafter mementoes were champions by offered to all the Salesians who winning 32 Gold, worked at Tuem in the past twenty 15 Silver and 10 five years. Bronze medals. The Salesian presence at Tuem Sigmund Rodrigues goes back to the year 1990, won all the four when the then Archbishop of gold medals to reign Goa, Raul Gonsalves offered the champion in his parish to the Salesians of Don category in 100 m, 200 m, 100 m Hurdles and 4x100 m relay. Allen Vaz Bosco. Kudos to Frs. Chrysologus won three golds in Triple Jump, 400 m and 4x100 m relay. Dr. Aldrin D’Cunha and Donald Fernandez Mascarenhas, a PhD in Athletics, is their physical education teacher for their pioneering work and for and Fr Dominic Savio Fernandes, their principal. pitching the Salesian tent at Tuem.

46 SANGATI January - March 2016 PINGULI QUEPEM SHIRVA KELMBET SULCORNA SUTGATTI TRASI TUEM SANKESHWAR CORTALIM THIVIM

Fun Week at DB Mechanized KDS Trains Youth Panjim Agriculture in Goa

Students from Taj – Konkan Development Society Skill Certification Centre, Candolim Agriculture in Goa is set to go took part in the Life Skill Training Don Bosco College, Panaji mechanized through world class Workshop conducted by Fr. Isaac celebrated its annual ‘Fun Week’ machines from Japan. Fr George Arackaparambil, sdb at Bethany from December 14-18, 2015. Quadros, sdb with the help of Convent, Alto - St. Cruz, Goa Students were seen dressed in a Directorate of Agriculture, Goa recently. costume according to the theme have held few demonstrations to of the day. They showed creativity the Goan farmers who are taken At the end of this three day and resourcefulness to come up with the speed, accuracy and workshop the participants up with innovative costumes the ease with which the machine were well equipped with self that celebrated the Cartoon day, does all the work of the farmer. confidence, decision making, Traditional day, Neon day, Retro Above all it is cheeper. and leadership qualities, while day and Goth day. bringing out their hidden Seeder machine does the paddy talents. All the participants were Many outfits were put together or seeding. It prepares 700 trays per enthusiastic and participated in made by hand. Each theme had a hour which can cover 11 hectors. the various activities that were boy and a girl take the prize for Transplanting on 1 hector can be organized. Fr. Isaac touched on the best costume of the day. done in just 1 hour. topics related to daily lives like honesty, alcohol and drug abuse, time management and encouraged Creativity for Charity trained students to deal with various situations in their daily Rubina D’Souza, an artist lives. and co-founder of ‘Different Strokes’ once again brought together 29 artists to showcase Bosco Cup for their talents through an exhibition of art at the Central Orphans Library Hall, Panjim, to make a difference in the lives of the less fortunate from December 4-7, 2015. There were close to 120 works of art, sold out. The total proceeds from the sale were donated to the Don Bosco Charities. This group of doctors, teachers, simple housewives, priests, students, masters in fine arts, state awardees, and a host of budding artists Around 120 boys from various contributed their masterpieces created by pen and ink water colors, orphanages jumped onto the lush charcoal and oil pastels, from vibrant works to very subtle hues. There green grounds of Don Bosco was even a painting done by an artist with an injection syringe and Panjim and had a ball-of-a-time! one done on a potter’s wheel. The unique idea materialized for the first They were divided into teams time in 2013. with ISL names and format to Some of the very prominent contributors were Damodar Madgaonkar, compete. It was pure energy and who was a state awardee at the recently held Goa state art exhibition, enthusiasm right up to the finals. Clarice Vaz, a nurse by profession who uses needles and syringes and No one was ‘tired’ and football- other surgical instruments thus blending here professional life with her joy triumphed! passion for art and doctor Aparna Pradham and an eminent scientist. The Orphanage tournament The main founders of Different Strokes are a husband and wife team was organized by Youth at Risk of Rubina and Roland D’souza, and John and Shamina Pereira with a Commission of the Province. full backing of Fr. Allwyn D’souza SDB and Fr. Royston D’souza SDB.

January - March 2016 SANGATI 47 SALESIAN SOUTH ASIA NEWS BOSCO receives New Provincial Bandel Church “Child Welfare Appointed Assigned Special Award” Status

The Rector Major has nominated Salesians of the Province of Father Thathireddy Vijaya Bangalore were the proud Bhaskar , as the successor to recipients of an ‘Child Walfare the present Provincial, Father 2014’ award from the hands of Mr Raminedi Balaraju who will Archbishop Thomas D`Souza Pranab Mukherjee, the President be completing his six year term of Calcutta has assigned Bandel of India, in a solemn function as Provincial Superior of the Basilica Church (estd.1599) as held on November 14, 2015 at the Province of Hyderabad. He one of the designated churches Rashtrapati Bhavan, New Delhi. succeeds Fr Balaraju as the fifth to obtain blessings and graces It is certainly the biggest honour Provincial of Hyderabad. connected with the Year of Mercy among the many accolades won as declared by Pope Francis when by BOSCO in its past 35-year long Fr Thathi was the Vice Provincial he symbolically opened the ``Holy inspiring history. of Hyderabad for the past 5 Door`` of St Peter`s Basilica in years till he was appointed at the Rome to the pilgrims on 8th In recent years, BOSCO was able Generalate in Rome from August December 2015. to rescue and rehabilitate about 2015 to be a part of the Youth 7000 children at risk annually. Pastoral Team. Besides running the nine city rehabilitation centres for the He is an accomplished formator Iconic Dome stakeholders, BOSCO is also holds Ph.D. in Philosophy, from Restored involved in child rights education the Salesian Pontifical University in schools, colleges, and for (UPS), Rome. He is passionate the general public, in view of about social communication, he protecting and promoting child recently directed a short film rights and making Bangalore a on Don Bosco entitled `The child-friendly city. It has also Journey`. He was the editor made significant contributions of the Province newsletter towards formulating government `Kaburlu`, and the delegate for policies and making decisions Social communications for two consecutive terms. through its various innovative programmes. 41 year old Fr Thathi was ordained a Priest on January 3, 2003. Salesian Massive Open Online Course DeSales University is offering first-ever MOOC, a massive open online course, on the Everyday Renovation to restore the shrine`s Spirituality of St. Francis distinctive dome, 80-feet above de Sales. The MOOC will the main altar, to its past glory be offered during the 2016 ended a week-into Advent. It`s the Lenten season, February first-ever renovation since it was 10-March 13 and will be built in 1957, by Father Aurelius entirely free. Visit www. Maschio; similar to the Basilica desales.edu/salesianMOOC of Mary Help of Christians or contact 610.282.1100 x in Turin- built by Don Bosco 1244. himself.

48 SANGATI January - March 2016 SALESIAN WORLD NEWS Salesian Family Victims of Haiti The Light Shines Spirituality Days Earthquake Even Brighter Remembered

According to information received by Fides, 22 pastoral Our great spiritual family came workers were killed in 2015. They together from January 14-17 at included 13 priests, 4 religious and Rome, to reflect, share, plan and 5 lay people. “Today as yesterday, journey together - this is what the shadows of rejection of life is meant by the Salesian Family 12 January 2016, was six years appear, but the light of love that Spirituality Days. It was their to the day since the devastating overcomes hatred and inaugurates 34th year. earthquake shook Haiti. Two a new world shines even The gathering was attended by hundred students of the “Little brighter” said Pope Francis on 26 around 370 people, representing Schools of Father Bonhen” died as December, Feast of St Stephen, 21 of the 30 groups that make up the school collapsed on 12 January the first martyr. 2010. Mass was celebrated at the the Salesian Family. The Rector From 2000 to 2015, 396 pastoral Major, Fr Ángel Fernández Salesian House of ENAM, right in the place where they are buried. workers were killed worldwide, Artime was present for all the including 5 bishops. days. Salesian Brother Hubert Sanon and the three other young Two young leaders of the Salesian Salesians ‘Always Salesians killed on that occasion oratory in Aleppo, brothers were remembered. Anwar and Misho Samaan were killed together with their mother Ready’ to Help Minerva in a bomb attack. President awards Fambul Salesian University Best in the Country

The climate phenomenon known as “El Niño” is causing havoc, and according to the latest forecasts, its effects could prove catastrophic. In his New Year message, the Pope reminded of how “indifference towards others In December last, in a ceremony assumes different faces ... Almost in Sierra Leone State House, without realizing it, we have Don Bosco Fambul was given a become unable to feel compassion Presidential Award in recognition The Ministry of Education of for others, for their tragedies, and of its contribution to fighting Brazil in the assessment of higher we are not concerned about taking Ebola. The ceremony was shown education institutions across the care of them.” live and nationwide on television. country for the year 2014 has rated the Salesian Catholic University In the face of such distressing The Assistant Director of Don Centre Auxilium - better known situations, the Salesians of Bosco Fambul, Mr. Samuel as “Unisalesiano” - among the Paraguay have shown that they Bojohn, received the award from best universities in Brazil. are “always ready” to deal with the President of the Republic, the damage caused by “El Niño.” Hon. Ernest Bai Koroma.

January - March 2016 SANGATI 49 CHURCH WORLD NEWS Pope Lauds Youth Malawi Prison Canonization of preparing to build Band nominated for Kandhamal Martyrs ‘World of Peace’ Grammy

A group of Zomba’s inmates, The Holy Father addressed many of them serving life the youth aged 13 to 16, many sentences for offences including The Catholic Church in India of whom intend to make a murder and theft, have found has decided to initiate the cause pilgrimage to Rome from 23 to themselves nominated for a the of canonization of about 100 25 April, and who are “preparing prestigious awards in the best Christian martyrs killed by to be Christians capable of world music album category. radical Hindus during anti- making courageous choices and Christian pogroms in 2008. decisions, in order to build daily, They are joined on the shortlist even through little things, a world by some of world music’s biggest Card. Oswald Gracias has of peace.” stars: Ladysmith Black Mambazo, appointed Msgr. John Barwa, Angelique Kidjo, Gilberto Gil and Archbishop of Cuttack- He encourages those who live Anoushka Shankar. Bhubaneswar, to head the process in difficult situations not to lose for “martyrs of Kandhamal.” hope as the Lord “has a great Recorded in the summer of 2013, dream” for them that He wishes to 16 inmates wrote and performed come true. the songs for the album, ‘I Have No Everything Here,’ produced by Ian Brennan. Pope’s Book Mother Teresa to be Released Canonized in 86 countries 2 Goan Priests Beatified byOrthodox Syrian Church Two Goan priests, Fr Antonio Francisco Alvares (Mar Julius) and Fr Roque Zeferino Noronha were declared blessed by the Catholicos of the Indian “The Name of God is Mercy”, Malankara Orthodox Syrian the book in the form of an Pope gave final clearance for “the Church, Baselios Marthoma saint of the gutters” to become an interview with Pope Francis by Paulose II, at Brahmavar, the Italian journalist Andrea official saint after the judgment of Karnataka. medical experts and theologians Tornielli, has been released in 86 who concluded that there was The beatification ceremony countries and was presented in no medical explanation for the at St Mary’s Orthodox Syrian the Augustinianum Institute by apparent cure of a Brazilian man Cathedral was attended by Cardinal Secretary of State Pietro who was diagnosed with multiple thousands of devotees, including Parolin and the actor Roberto brain tumors. The cure was due to members of Noronha’s family. Benigni during a conference the intercession of the Albanian- moderated by the director of born nun, who died in 1997. the Holy See Press Office, Fr. Federico Lombardi, S.J.

50 SANGATI January - March 2016 Our Wonderful Homes

Ish Kripa Sadan, Siolim-Goa Children’s Happy Home, Siolim-Goa

Margaret Bosco Bal Sadan, Ucassaim-Goa Sisters of Cross of Chavanod, Siolim-Goa

St Anthony’s Orphanage, Duler-Goa Vivian Niwas, Siolim-Goa Grace in Abundance

Bom Jesu Home, Nachinola-Goa Asylum of the Sacred Heart of Jesus & Mary, Aldona-Goa

Holy Spirit Home, Moira-Goa St Joseph’s Eventide Home, Ucassaim-Goa

St Joseph’s Home, Siolim-Goa St Mary’s Home, Siolim-Goa (At 101 years, this ‘young lady’ on bed is amazing!)