Malta and Me
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MALTA AND ME BY ERIC SHEPHERD IXJNDON SELWYN AND BLOUNT (1928) LTD. PATERNOSTER HOUSE, PATERNOSTER ROW To MY UTri.'E SOJS DAVtl>, WHO WAS nOUK IN VAU.r.TrA. Malta, May j.|TH, njJi. PREFACE F the title of this book has an egotistical I sound in some ears, the author can only say that it has in his, too, and that he admits and regrets it. Still, he could not call the work just plain ' Malta ’, because it does not profess to be an exhaustive account of the island and its institutions, but rather a semi-autobiographical record of three years spent there in perhaps rather peculiar circumstances. People who know the island and its inhabitants may find it interesting to compare their impressions with the author’s ; people who do not know the island may yet care for the book as a document of human experience. What does Malta matter ? What indeed ? It doesn’t much, I freely own, where the reading public of Great Britain is concerned. A book on such a subject certainly cannot ' make quick- coming death a little thing ', or serve perhaps any of the major needs of humanity. ’ Still, Malta exists—^it is part of our ‘ far-flung Empire on which the sun never sets. It is an island and a people in some respects unique, and many of the larger problems of imperial policy may be usefully studied there in little. VI PREFACE Above all, Malta is a banquet of that subtle incongruity which is the essence of humour. If a few readers will overcome their objection to books which are not novels, and a reviewer here and there his to any book at all, the author thmks he can promise that, for the little time it takes to read what it took him three years to hve, they will not be too much bored. E. S. CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I HORS d’cEUVRES VARIEES . • II II DILLY, BILLY, BILLY . • 14 “ ” III TICKETS, PLEASE . • 21 ‘ ’ IV THAT FAR-FLUNG FEELING . 27 , V TRANSPORTATION ^IN TWO SENSES ! 33 VI ! NOW WE shan’t be LONG - 39 VII THE AMENITIES OF MALTA • 45 VIII PALLAS ANB THE PALACE . - 60 “ ” IX OUR POOR STUBENTS • • 69 ‘ ’ X IN THE RIGHT BIRECTION • • • 76 XI A REABING IN ANB A SPEAKING OUT • * 86 ‘ ’ XH THE ANIMALS WENT IN THREE BY THREE . 95 Xllt BOLORES • • • 105 XIV AN ORBEAL ANB AN AUBIENCE • • • 117 ‘ ’ XV A CHAPTER OF FROCKS . • • • 122 XVI AN EPISTLE OF ST. PAUL TO THE MALTESE . 129 “ ” XVII WHEN THE PIE WAS OPENEB • a 134 XVIII LA HAUTE POLITIQUE • a a 145 XIX WHO IS MELITA, WHAT IS SHE ? - a a 155 XX PLEASE PASS THE SALT ! • 158 XXI PAPERS ANB PARCHMENTS . 163 XXII ‘the BEST butter’ . • 172 XXIII TITTLE-TATTLE , 181 viii CONTENTS CHAPTEE PAGE XXIV TITLE-TATTLE ...... 194 ‘ ’ 200 XXV FIOR DEL MONDO . XXVI BACK TO THE STONE ACE .... 206 XXVII A BIG TREE STORV ..... 213 XXVIII THE MOULD OF FORM THE AMAZONS OF DINGLI—^IN THE ISLE OF HONEY 217 XXIX A VISIT TO GOZO ..... 226 XXX EXILE 247 XXXI TRAVELS—^WITH AND WITHOUT A BABY 261 XXXII THE MAGIC PEBBLES ..... 271 ‘ ’ XXXIII LET US ALONE ! 277 XXXIV WONDERLAND AND THROUGH THE LOOKING- GLASS 286 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS Facing page THE AUTHOR FRONTISPIECE A BIT OF VALLETTA ....... 43 VALLETTA ........ 46 60 UP AND UP AND UP ! ...... HOW VALLETTA IS FORTIFIED ..... 86 CARMELO MIFSUD BONNICI ..... QI ‘ DOLORES II5 THE CHAMBER OF (vERBAL) HORRORS ! . I46 ITEMS OF MALTA ....... 163 THE AUBERGE DE CASTILE ..... I86 THE PORT OF MIGIARRO, GOZO ..... 200 DEEP IN VALLETTA 247 CHAPTER I HORS D’ffiUVRES VARIEES NE question was so often put to me during my three years in Malta, that I feel I had Obetter begin this account of those years by answering it. ” Why did you ever come to Malta ? . That was the question put, with a genuinely : puzzled air, not (I need hardly say) by Maltese, but by our English acquaintance upon the island. As for the Maltese, with them the wonder rather is, not that people come to the island, but that, after experiencing its bliss, they should ever care to go away again. This question can now be answered with a frankness not possible at the time. And the answer is an extremely simple one, like all the best answers. I went to Malta for no other reason than that I was offered a job there, at a time when there was no competition for my ser\dces in less out-of-the-way parts of the world. It all dates back to the year 1920, when the uncer- tainty of liveUhood was hardly less acute for many of us, than the uncertainty of life had been in the years immediately preceding. I went to Malta in the first instance, and I stayed there for close upon three years simply because I hadno alternative. People have been known, I believe, to do even stranger things for no better reason. I can hardly make this absence of alternative ZX 12 MALTA AND ME quite plain, without some appearance of wishing to buttonhole ' the reader ; than which nothin g IS in worse literary taste. This, however, is frankly by way of being a personal narrative, and therefore I may perhaps state without offence tfiat, m the year 1920, I was endeavouring to subsist upon journalism, of the type known as as .:;S h&ISiafsTS journalist, a?!as a 7 , and I was receivmg from the rnllep-e '“Mity towards my^“Endish”fjt°h'‘“ me aid “el J-rwelS engagement was bv the term cn ^ic « vLitionriin' “y ihr; was academically existent excent fn non- term-papers, It is only fair^^to the the fact that I waTa Ssiotlr^' at my own risk over an ™ human interim^? ^ vanous necessities are on the able staff Pensiou- of my beine I of to be rid of thL ,£ “S"® ““M J’ot hope What is moreTh:tS^%“SfJ-ri<3 of ml. I had recently put a sham one, m love with a student. ?did thir/? agam entirely at my oivn risk that It was highly ^becoming knowing to seek to establish nermaT^^ ^^niporary Item of college propert^ verse of my day Oxford The English School is credif m A matnmonial agency-L’' ; HORS D’CEUVRES VARIEES 13 and, temporary as was my engagement at the college, it was yet long enough to give rise to another ' engagement only temporary in the sense that it was so soon exchanged for something much, much better. It- is instructive to add, that, at exactly the same time as aU this, my income-tax returns were criticised at local headquarters as " requiring elucidation”, and I was requested to drop in at my early convenience upon the surveyor. I did so. With the “ kindly light ” of a perfect candour ” I ” led ” the clerk amid the “ encircling gloom of my entries upon the form, and when the “ angel- faces ” of conviction smiled upon him at length, he gave me a quizzical glance through his glasses. He surveyed me—as if, indeed, I were something of a phenomenon. I have often wondered, since, what that glance really signified ; whether human sympathy or mere scientific interest ? I heard from him again soon after my arrival in Malta,' and took, I remember, even at that crisis, a certain pleasure in replying that my income, if small, was now at least all my own. No part of it had to go to America in payment of war-debts, or to Palestine in prosecution of peace-ramps, or into the pockets of them that live upon the dole on the contrary, I had myself now become, as Shelley said of his Adonais, “ a portion of that loveliness which once he made more lovely.” In other words, I was now a charge upon those very taxes which erst I helped to pay. L’Empire —c’ est la paix ! AU this is but so much side-light on my reasons for accepting the exUe of Malta. CHAPTER II DILLY, DILLY, DILLY he first word I ever had about Malta, beyond perhaps a schoolroom reference Tlong ago to its geographical situation, came to me, early in the year 1920, in the form of a letter from the Colonial Office. I was not in the habit of corresponding with this department, and the -appearance of the official- looking missive beside my unassuming breakfast- plate considerably surprised me. I remember I turned it over once or twice, with some bewilderment, before I opened it. Its contents, signed by the Under Secretary of State, were to effect that, the " Chair of English Literature ” at the University of Malta having recently fallen vacant, inquiry at Oxford had resulted in the suggestion of my name for the appointment. Malta ! An old refrain rang in my ears—^some- thing about " oranges, monkeys, and nothing but sand but I could not for the life of me remember whether Malta was remarkable for all three, or or only two, one ; and in any case none of the specifications appealed to me at all. Very cer- tainly I had not know that the island boasted a university, but I should have pictured it as a gaunt rock, a la Gibraltar, stuck out of the mid- most Mediterranean, and inhabited, to what sparse extent it might be inhabited at aU, by a race of goatherds, by blood a squalid heel-tap of adjacent DILLY, DILLY, DILLY 15 Sicily. (Ciiriously enough, this last particular is exactly what some Maltese patriots make them- selves out to be ! But I was ignorant of this, as of very much else, at the time.) ‘ Professor - It is a big word at all times.