20 The award-winning student

newspaper of Imperial College . 11

Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year . 09 Issue 1,445 felix felifelixonline.co.ukxo GREEN WEEK 20ThisThis week....

GreenGreen sscience: butterflies, A 4 page feature focusing on beingng 2009 GREEN WEEK ppollutionollutio and re-wilding grgreeneen this week, pages 21 - 24 GREEN WEEK 2 2009 GREEN W

Science, Pages 8-10

Business debate: money and environment

Business, Page 11

Eco-technology: can it save the planet?

Technology, Page 27

Fashion: the green Chopped? LudGateway As Sir Roy Anderson exits under questionable circumstances, Sir Keith O’Nions is lined up as Acting Rector, page 3 Fashion, Pages 30-31 2 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 News Editor Kadhim Shubber NEWS [email protected]

May Harlington remain green The world beyond JJoannaoanna CCaiai News Reporter

mperial’s Harlington Sports College walls Ground played host to a sur- prise celebratory gathering on Thursday 12th when Sir Roy Anderson visited to honour and Ithank some special members of staff. These staff members at Harlington have collectively cumulated over 100 China years of service at the Ground: Mick Reynolds (Grounds Manager); Phil merican President Barrack Obama was in Beijing and Shang- Ramsdale (Grounds Supervisor); Keith hai this week, as part of his Asian tour encompassing Japan, Cooper (Assistant Groundsman) and South Korea, Singapore and China. Anne Reynolds (Pavillion Supervisor), He held two hours of talks with his Chinese counterpart Mr. Hu who is Mick’s wife. Jintao,A in Beijing’s Great Hall of the People. The two leaders agreed to work They were all presented with “Harling- together to tackle some of the world’s problems, including climate change, ton 100” tankards and enjoyed flutes of North Korea’s nuclear program, and the economy. champagne as they cast their minds back Mr. Obama urged a reluctant China to let the yuan rise in value, at a time to a particular Rugby season in which when the US dollar is hitting a new low against other currencies. President Sir Roy himself took up the sport at Hu emphasized the need to avoid trade protectionism – a thinly veiled refer- Imperial. ence to the US’s recent imposition of import tariffs on Chinese tyres and steel Mick, who is the longest server at the pipes. Both countries agreed that a strong commitment to fighting climate Ground, told us: “Working here I see a change is necessary at the Copenhagen meeting, which will gather the world’s lot of new faces and it’s very nice to see leaders this December in an attempt to tackle the issue. some old faces too; Sir Roy, for instance. Earlier, Mr. Obama was in Shanghai for a question and answer session with His first Rugby season was mine too.” Sir Chinese students. When asked what he thought about China’s Great Firewall Roy added: “My first visit here was as a (i.e. the censuring of media by the central government), Mr. Obama replied student in 1965, for rugby trials, and it’s that he supported freedom expression everywhere. Ironically, the session was great to be back. Imperial Medics battle Imperial College at Harlington Sports Ground every year only broadcast in Shanghai. “From my personal experience I know sports are a very important part of life at the College. We’ve got an excellent (Football World Cup ads), Umbro, Adi- aviation, took place in August 2007. record for sports facilities here and that’s das and The Guardian. For the moment, it would seem that the due to our dedicated and experienced It was previously feared that the Heathrow expansion plans have come to Italy sports staff”. Ground, located near Heathrow Air- a halt as BAA has decided not to submit The Harlington Ground consists of port, would fall victim to the plans to its planning application for the third run- ten football pitches, three rugby pitches build a third runway which would have way until after the general election. he United Nations global food summit was held in Rome, as- and a floodlit hockey Astroturf, amongst seen the whole area and its neighbouring If the Conservatives were to form the sembling leaders from all over the world. other training grounds and gym facili- village of Sipson wiped off the map. next government, it is very likely that a The UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, said in his opening ties. It acts as the evergreen home turf After the airport operator BAA an- third runway would not be built at all, as speech that the world production will have to increase by 70% to for the Queens Park Rangers FC, who nounced plans to expand Heathrow, over the Conservatives have made their op- Tsatisfy the demand of 9.1 billion people in 2050, and stressed that meeting took over from Chelsea in July 2005, and a decade ago, protestors from ‘Camp for position to the Heathrow expansion very this challenge was linked to solving the problems of climate change. Many Imperial students benefit from access to Climate Change’ took over Harlington clear. experts worry that many of the world’s least developed countries will suffer the QPR’s coaches. and set-up what they called a “temporary Either way, Conservative or Labour, devastating famines before then. A number of production and broad- eco-village”. This dramatic show of oppo- let us hope that the Harlington Sports At the summit, Zimbabwe’s President Robert Mugabe accused Western casting companies have also used the sition against the destruction of Harling- Ground will be the base of many more countries – his ‘neo-colonial enemies’ – of trying to make Zimbabwe de- grounds to film TV ads and do photo- ton Sports Ground, and also against the green and great university memories to pendent on food imports by pursuing ‘ruinous policies’. Many of Zimba- shoots. Clients have included the BBC overall environmental damage caused by come. bwe’s farms are failing after extensive land-redistribution reforms. Mean- while, Libya’s leader Colonel Gaddafi paid 200 glamour girls (who had been 20 selected on criteria such as age, height and beauty), to attend a reception in Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. a plush residential area of Rome. To their surprise, their host, Mr. Gaddafi,

Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, . gave them a long talk on how to convert to Islam and handed each of them 11 Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. a copy of the Koran. Jigsaw font by typotheque.com. Say hi to Tachyon!

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Editor-in-Chief Deputy Editor Deputy Editor Copy Chief ast week, the House of Representatives narrowly passed a health care Dan “Gok” Wan Kadhim Shubber Gilead Amit Sasha Nicoletti reform bill, the first time in generations that either chamber of Con- gress has managed to do so. News Editor Business Editor Travel Editor Puzzles Commodores The Affordable Health Care for America Act garnered 220 votes in Kadhim Shubber Sina Ataherian Dylano ‘Gigolo’ Lowe Sean Farris favour,L and 215 votes against. This was a narrow victory for the democrats, Olivia Davies Milli Begum 39 of whom joined the dissenting ranks. A controversial clause limiting sub- Medic News Editor International Editor Games Editors sidized health insurance for abortions was introduced to ensure the support Dina Ismail Raphael Houdmont Science Editors Sports Editors Mike “The Rook” Cook of the more conservative representatives. The Act would make it compulsory, Brigette Atkins Mustapher Botchway on pain of a fine, for all legal residents to have health insurance, and for all Assistant Editor Film Editors Nathan Ley David Wilson Feature Editor but the smallest firms to provide it for employees or contribute to a federal Jovan Nedić Zuzanna Blaszczak Indy Leclercq Afonso Campos fund. That would extend coverage to around 36m citizens (the exact number Ed “Who’s there?” Knock Nightlife Editor depends on how many will opt just to pay the fine) who are now uninsured. Layout Editor Charlotte Morris Arts Editors Copy Editors Government subsidies and the creation of a national exchange would make Carlos Karingal Technology Editor Caz Knight Rhys Davies premiums more affordable to smaller firms and poorer individuals. Insurance Samuel Gibbs What’s On Editors Rosie Milton Alex Karapetian companies would gain millions of new customers, but they would also face Comment Editor Rachel D’oliviero Lucy Harrold Matt Colvin new rules mandating more generous terms. Ravi Pall Fashion Editor Lily Topham Lizzy Griffiths A similar bill is now being debated in the Senate. If this too passes, the two Kawai Wong Photography Ayyub Kamaludin versions can then be reconciled before being signed into law. Reform is much Politics Editors: Coffee Break Editor Ben Smith Joanna Cai needed to tackle America’s rising health care costs, which now account for a James Goldsack Music Editors Charles Murdoch Tom Roberts Jamie Beal stunning 16% of GDP, and rising. Katya-yani Vyas Kadhim Shubber Alex Karapetian Richard Howard James Lees Alex Ashford Clubs and Socs Editor Stefan Zeeman Phillip Murray Luke Turner Alex Kendall Rox Middleton By Raphael Houdmont, International Editor felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 3 [email protected] NEWS Sir Roy Anderson resigns as Rector As the Rector drops a bombshell on the College’s staff and students this week, Kadhim Shubber and Dan Wan report on the circumstances surrounding Sir Roy’s sudden and hasty exit from Imperial’s top job

n a sudden announcement only meeting with Union President Ashley day the 16th. 16 months after becoming Rector, Brown on the 9th November as well Sir Roy will formally leave his post Profiling the Acting Rector Sir Roy Anderson has resigned. as an interview with felix on the 2nd on the 31st of December and Sir Keith Despite stating in an email on November. O’Nions will take up the position un- Sir Keith O’Nions’ academic record is MondayI that he wished to spend more On the same day that the Rector can- til a new Rector is found. However, Sir scattered across the globe; undergraduate time on research, questions are being celled his meeting with the Union Presi- Roy’s day-to-day duties at Imperial are degree from Nottingham, PhD from asked about the circumstances sur- dent, 9th November, a session of College expected to be scaled back with the re- Alberta, and became a Postdoctoral rounding his departure. Council was held. Union President Ash- cently appointed Deputy Rector, Profes- Fellow in Oslo Other posts he has held is The decision was announced on Mon- ley Brown explained “The President is sor Stephen Richardson picking up some Professor of Geochemistry at Oxford and day in an email sent to students and staff, invited to attend all sessions of College of the slack. “I do expect to be busy as Sir of Geology at Columbia University in New followed swiftly by an email from Lord Council except when staffing matters are Roy winds down at the end of this year York. John Kerr, Chairman of College Council, being discussed, and I wasn’t invited to and prepares to hand over to Sir Keith but in which he publicly accepted the resig- that meeting”. being busy is just part of an academic ca- Other major roles he has held include nation with “deep regret”. However, ru- The College have confirmed that the reer... and I’m looking forward to getting becoming the Chief Scientific Advisor to mours had been circulating before these Council were notified on the 2nd No- stuck in” he told felix. The promotion of the Ministry of Defence, and Director- announcements, with the TimesHigh- vember before he officially tendered his Professor Richardson, reported in last General of the Research Councils.In July erEducation tweeting on the morning of resignation on the 9th, when the ‘staffing week’s felix, was seen as a strong hint of 2008, Sir Keith joined Imperial to lead Friday 13th November: “Big announce- matters’ were being discussed at Council. Sir Roy’s imminent resignation. the Institute for Security Science and ment from Imperial College due on Mon- College officials have also stated Head The impact of Sir Roy’s sudden resigna- Technology. Sathyan Balaji day. Rumour mill in overdrive…” of Departments were notified by Faculty tion is likely to become more apparent Sir Roy recently cancelled his monthly Principals as late as the day before Mon- over the coming weeks but it’ll do little to help push forward Imperial’s many ini- Sir Roy’s exit that have got the College’s Medicine departments. University and tiatives. “There’s a long list of things that staff and students talking. It has resulted College Union, who represent a por- Sir Roy’s peppered past : need attention, which is going to be more in many rumours circulating around tion of teaching staff at Imperial, stated difficult now. I can’t see there being much College regarding the Rector’s departure. that ‘We hope that Sir Roy Anderson’s This is not the first time Sir Roy has left a job in questionable circumstances. progress between now and December,” It is clear that his explanation for leaving- replacement will use the opportunity Whilst Linacre professor of Zoology at Oxford, he was placed on gardening says Ashley Brown. wanting to focus more on research- has of coming to a new role to look again at leave for two months and subsequently given a vote of no confidence by his Brown also indicated that he doesn’t convinced few people at Imperial. The plans for serious and damaging cuts. We department. This came after he accused a colleague of sleeping her way to expect to be dealing with the outgoing rumours largely stem from the Rector’s look forward to engaging with Sir Keith her position within the university. The researchers during his professorship Rector, but rather with Prof. Richardson short time on the job and the fact that he O’Nions as soon as possible.” critisised his management style of “autocratic” and that it caused “very until Sir Keith O’Nions arrives in Janu- had continued to advise the government College Council are now due to set up deep” divisions within the department. Further investigations led him to ary. He annouced this to Monday’s Union and get involved in research during his a selection committee but it’s not known resign from his professorship and as Trustee of the Wellcome Trust; the Council, stating that it puts the Union in time as Rector. Some believe that he was how long the search for a new Rector latter in which he was found to have unfair financial influences. a “weird position” with the upper hier- unable to push forward his vision for the will take. The search for a rector usually achy of College. However, College have university, and there are signs that Sir Roy begins around 10 months before the end As a leading adviser to the Government regarding swine flu, he was publically stated an official line that it is “largely and Lord Kerr had disagreed on a range of the incumbent’s contract; obviously criticised for his conflicting interests as a £116k.p.a. board member of business as usual” with only “some shifts of issues including Imperial’s response in this case, there has been significantly GlaxoSmithKline, one of the main pharmaceutical companies producing a flu to activities and duties” in the transition for cuts in public funding. less advance warning. The Rector of Im- vaccine. His strategic mass culling of livestock during the Foot and Mouth disease period before the Acting Rector arrives. Some have even suggested that he perial is the second highest paid Rector outbreak was also heavily questioned and described as “scientifically unjustified”. There seems to be concerning ele- is leaving in order to distance himself position in the U.K; Sir Roy’s salary is ments of immediacy and reshuffling to from the staff cuts in Humanities and £370,000 a year. 10 16 The usual number of months The number of months Sir it takes College to appoint a Roy Anderson was Imperial’s new Rector Rector

How the rumour mill started spinning...

2nd November : 9th November: 10th November: 13th November: 16th November 16th November Rector cancels a Union President Speculation about the Times Higher 5.29am: 11.30am: scheduled interview Ashley Brown College’s upper hierachy Education Twitter After unknown insiders Imperial College with felix’s Business unusually omitted mounts as Prof. Stephen feed hints at upcoming give clues on their staff and students Editor a few days from College Council Richardson is appointed news, saying “Big discussion forums, Live! are sent an official before it is to take meeting & Rector as Deputy Rector; a announcement from correctly pre-empt an announcement from place. Interview also cancels monthy position left unfilled Imperial College due official announcement the Rector stating his could not be meeting with since September 2007. on Monday. Rumour from the Rector later desire to return to rescheduled. Brown. mill in overdrive...” that morning. academic research 4 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 NEWS [email protected] £2 million revamp but do we deserve it?

AAlicelice RowlandsRowlands Reporter row, the lino floors are horrible and the bar and therefore uninviting to the Excitement over plans for phase the catering area is a complete waste casual drinker. As part of an effort to 3 has been somewhat soured by of space in the evening, reducing the make dB’s a more inviting entertaining evening revelry resulting in around On Tuesday 17th November, ICU Presi- useable length of the bar.” When asked space, the entire quad is likely to be re- £2000 worth of damage to the Union 1 dent, Ashley Brown, met with College’s about the furniture in da Vinci’s, in- modelled and the popular awnings re- building over the last two weeks. Last Portfolio Review Board to discuss fund- troduced in a minor refurbishment in positioned in order to make better use Wednesday several panes of glass ing for phase 3 of the union redevelop- 2006, Ashley agreed they’re not really of covered outside space. in ground floor doors and windows ment. Phases 1 & 2 have been relatively fit for purpose and are far less robust Initial plans for phase 3 were pro- were broken and a door to the Un- dull for the average student; phase 1 saw than hoped- the tendency for legs to duced when work began in 2006, the ion offices was damaged, on Friday a new lift and dodgy wiring being fixed fall off the tables isn’t ideal. However Union realise this refurbishment is a night the door to the toilet in dB’s in the union and phase 2 was respon- he maintained the considerations be- massive undertaking which can only was pulled off its hinges and this sible for the union offices and the stu- hind the furniture are still valid: “fur- be done every fifteen years or so it’s Wednesday a door near to the Ladies dent activities centre being moved up a niture in da Vinci’s needs to be robust, essential to get it right. Temporary, ill- toilets was damaged to the point that few floors and a new gym in the union. perhaps the style should be more planned solutions have resulted in the it will be completely replaced. Talking Phase 3 is set to be completed in time like what’s currently in dB’s, but with current poor use of space, so the Un- about the recent damage, Ashley told for freshers week 2010 and includes longer tables so that a whole team can ion are consulting professional design- felix: “General wear and tear should major changes to the area dearest to gather around one and the furniture ers and students on how best to use the be expected but this much damage students’ hearts; the bar! The union bar should survive outside use, making the space. in a few days makes you wonder why is likely to be largely unchanged; neat- space more flexible.” One suggestion Major work to da Vinci’s and dB’s will we bother, covering the cost of this ening up the floor and ceiling as well as for solving the problem of the unsocia- set the Union back around £2 million, damage is equivalent to 10% on the installing air conditioning. ble shape of da Vinci’s is to knock out Tuesdays meeting left Ashley con- price of drinks.”Acknowledging that Meanwhile, Da Vinci’s and dB’s both the current catering space changing firmed the project will go ahead with the damage is caused by a minority of look set for a radical overhaul; regard- the configuration to increase efficiency funds raised between College, Union ‘drunk, stupid people’, Ashley’s mes- ing the current configuration of the and improve the layout of the bar. reserves and a loan to the Union from sage to students is: “If you see some- bars Ashley told felix: “The problem ICU’s ‘club’ dB’s suffers from a poor college, meaning the Union are happy one you know damaging Union prop- with da Vinci’s is that it’s just too nar- layout which makes it difficult to reach press ahead with plans for phase 3. erty, tell them to pack it in!” 2 3 4 5 6

Damage to the Union over two weeks: 1. 1st Floor rear office doors, 2. dBs toilets, 3. Union Office door (Floor 2), 4. Da Vinci’s internal door, 5. Main entrance window, 6. Union Bar door

MISSING We are looking for HAYFEVER sufferers and NORMAL PERSON VOLUNTEERS to help with allergy research

If you are interested in taking part in research to help us understand the causes of nasal allergies and develop new forms of treatment, and if you are between 18 and 55 years old please contact us for more information:

Miriam has been missing from Hinton on the Green, Worcestershire, since 10 [email protected] November 2009. Andrea Goldstone – Clinical Research Nurse There is great concern for Miriam as Department of Allergy she is unwell. Miriam is 5ft 9in tall, of slim build with hazel eyes and shoulder Royal Brompton & Harefield NHS Trust length brown hair. When last seen she and NHLI Ethics Commitees was wearing light colour jeans, a green- Fulham Road, London SW3 6HP blue hooded jumper, trainers and a knee length beige corduroy coat She The research has been approved by the Brompton Harefield & NHLI Research Ethics Committee was carrying a blue and beige material shoulder-bag. Any information? Freefone 0500 700 700 ©2009 Accenture. All rights reserved. the world. difference to communities important throughout Consulting with Accenture offers you the chance to achieve so much more. Visit our website to apply. Accenture is committed to being an equal opportunities employer. and echnology – also the chance extensive corporate our nitiatives that make an nitiatives that make an We look for high performers. As well as good academic results (a 2:1 or above at least 340 UCAS points), we want to see the desire to make a real impact in the world of business and t and evidence that you can. We will reward you well. You will start on £31,000 and receive a £10,000 bonus There’s year. first in your to get involved in citizenship i performance. If this is your idea of a typical working day, then Accenture is the place to be. performance. If this is your idea of a typical working day. A place where you can develop your potential and grow professionally, working alongside talented develop your potential and grow professionally, working day. A place where you can Visit accenture.com/ukgraduates Graduate Careers in Consulting You really can achieve more here. Through the quality of the training, the breadth of the work and the wealth of expertise around you, you will be able to keep learning, developing and moving your career on. Whatever your aspirations in consulting, with the opportunity to work on projects across industries and across specialisms, you’ll enjoy the freedom to direct your own career, and the kind of support needed to reach the highest of ambitions. Choose Accenture for a career where the variety of opportunities and challenges allows you to make a difference allows you to make a difference where the variety of opportunities and challenges Choose Accenture for a career every colleagues. The only place where you can learn from our unrivalled experience, while helping our global while helping our global where you can learn from our unrivalled experience, colleagues. The only place clients achieve high Just another day at the office for a high performer. day at the office for a high Just another It’s not where you started, It’s not where going that matters. it’s where you’re 6 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 Comment Editor RaviRavi PallPall COMMENT [email protected] Angry Geek really rethinks Green Week “Pour three hundred gallons of ice cold water in through the roof of Sherfield and watch... ”

pparently I’m supposed green is a great idea and even if the only hypocritical then it would pretty much Imperial Sabbs blog doesn’t so much overnight before they’ll just stop lis- to talk to you about The change you make is to stop moronically have to shut down altogether. It’s just speak of a man ready to enthuse peo- tening. We’re trained to do it, we’re Environment this week. shoving everything in the black landfill that even if we assume all other things ple into action over key issues as much trained to tune out the repetitive pat- The big E. The G word. bins when the red and green bins are to be equal, having a celebratory week as it speaks of several reasons why be- terns and droning in everyday life. To celebrate Green Week right next to it, like a deranged, feral commemorating conserving resources coming a Sabb is only marginally bet- So my suggestion is this - instead of Aat Imperial, felix allegedly is going to toddler who can’t be arsed to solve a is a double-whammy of mental disor- ter than being sentenced to death by spending all this money on posters and have an ecological flavour to things four-piece jigsaw puzzle, then Green ders. On the one hand, there’s the prin- buggery. If we’ve got to that point, then events and encouraging felix to “write this week, printed on five thousand Week will have achieved something. ciple that people actually need a week perhaps we need to think about nuking green”, blow the whole budget on simu- newspapers that will end up blowing Although now I’ve just written that of events, smiles and whooping to un- the site from orbit and starting from lating what global warming would do around South Kensington and dumped here, it’ll actually be me that achieved derstand that they’re needlessly wast- scratch. to Imperial. Pour three hundred gal- in wastebins as a nice garnish of irony, it, but I’m willing to let those guys take ing tonnes of material every day, which But on the other hand from this, the lons of ice cold water in through the and so I’ve agreed to go along with the the credit for now. if true is a pretty sad indictment of the idea of having a week bullying staff and roof of Sherfield and watch as people charade under a gigantic wind-pow- So yes, great idea. Clearly, I’m not general populace. students into switching off televisions get blown out of windows and drown ered umbrella of protest. I’m not stupid sure it’s best that Imperial hosts a Not that it’s false, necessarily; I’m in the ad breaks, or whatever the mes- to death in lifts. Hire a bunch of UV enough to actually criticise the idea of week preaching to students about fairly sure you all get your brain cells sage is this year, is entirely futile. Peo- lamps and use it to slowly torch people conserving resources, of course, but as environmental friendliness when its from the same place you get your ple get this stuff shouted at them every to death as they eat their lunch on the far as arbitrarily-chosen issue-driven own buildings have the worst possible taste in music. I’m just saying that if day, and eventually the scare factor just Tanaka steps. I guarantee you, a week periods of time go, I’m well up for a energy efficiency rating, proudly on we’ve got to the point where we need wears off. You can only tell someone later those bottle bins will be overflow- fight. display in the Tanaka foyer, but if Im- first years to “champion green issues” they’re drowning half of north-east In- ing and then we can all give ourselves a Before we go any further - being perial stopped doing things that were alongside John James, a man whose dia by leaving their printer on standby pat on the back. Reuben Gibbons thinks you should be vegetarian too “Currently a sixth of the world’s population do not have access to clean water and agriculture”

f there were two identical people sions, greater than that of transport. some much more water hungry plants this reduces the demand for meat the Ghent became the first city in the except one was a vegetarian, the For all the other changes you could out there, and I would not trust anyone world’s fish stocks are in a bad place. At world to have a meat free day (Veg- greenhouse gas emissions at- make: the light bulbs; the recycling; advocating a wheat only diet, they by the moment two thirds of the world’s giedag) for civil servant and school tributable to that person would even the electric cars, a greater impact no means take as much water as meat. fish species are either fully exploited canteens citywide, with initiative to be nearly a fifth less. on the your carbon footprint would be Currently a sixth of the world’s popu- or depleted. Furthermore, the removal encourage everyone to have a day a IEarlier this year I became a vegetarian, achieved by a simple change in diet, lation do not have access to clean wa- of key organisms messes with ecosys- week without meat. at first I thought I would be a ‘meat- with probably a faster, notable sav- ter and agriculture plays a key role in tems in place. Overfishing can lead to I’d hope we are all capable of at least avoider’ where I would try and stay to ing of money. Not only that there is a this. As water sources become scarce, situations where remaining stocks are pulling a Ghent, in fact I do not think it a predominantly vegetarian diet while whole plethora of other environmental those with pumps big enough with- unable to restock the oceans properly is much a of a push to half ones weekly allowing myself the occasional piece impacts due to the production of meat draw water from deeper water tables and the process of by-catch where the meat intake or even attempting to only of meat, however I fairly quickly disre- which you would be directly reducing. further reducing the availability of majority of what is caught is discarded, eat meat once a week, a Fleishidagg if garded this and shunned meat forever Cows and sheep burp and fart out in- water. Although all agriculture is wa- as waste is highly inefficient. Although you will. more. Lord Stern would be proud. My ordinate amounts of methane (a more ter intensive, meat rearing is more so there are bound to be improvements Further still are meat-avoiders and reasons were purely environmental: potent greenhouse gas than CO2), by stopping the demand for meat, the in aquaculture, this method itself has green-eaters, which are apparently animal welfare never really bothered contributing to 37% of global methane water supply could be used more effi- many issues concerning it. Not least emerging terms for people who on the me when you consider the number of emissions. They also produce nitrous ciently and the land used for crop cul- that the reared fish require to feeding, whole try to avoid meat without pro- people treated inhumanely due to in- oxide and ammonia on a gargantuan tivation. Currently 70% of agricultural and often this is in the form of smaller hibiting it altogether, and these are dustry; meat in moderation is healthy scale, both of which are environmen- land is used for farming animals, either fish that have been trawled from else- things I feel everyone has the capacity and I know its tasty. I stopped talking tally damaging. There is also the CO2 through grazing pastures or got crops where. If you do choose to eat fish this to easily achieve as it removes the guilt about how fishing and meat industries the associated with the meat process- to feed said animals. The utilisation is a good guide to what is sustainable: of the occasional lapse and preserves were bad for the environment in many, ing and transporting industry. of both rainforest and arid areas for http://tinyurl.com/MCSPGFG traditions such as Christmas dinner. many ways and removed myself from There are also disproportionate re- animal production are well known and Maybe my vegetarianism is a bit By reducing their meat consumption it. sources required to produce meat. would not be required if there was the dramatic, that if people reduced their or assuming a vegetarian diet people The U.N. report Livestock’s Long There is the classic example of a kilo constant demand for meat. meat intake at all and therefore had a reduce their environmental impact Shadow – Environmental issues and of beef requiring at least 13,000L of It is not just the legged animals we decrease in the environmental damage and improve global access to water. options calculated that livestock is re- water while a kilo of wheat only re- should stop eating: pescetarianism is associated it would be a big enough Humans are perfectly capable of sur- sponsible for 18% of global CO2 emis- quires 2000L. Admittedly there are not all that much better as although gesture. Recently the Belgian city of viving without eating meat everyday. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 7 [email protected] COMMENT Gilead Amit and his bizarre train of thought “Lol. Roffle. Bare, or ‘bear’, or quite possibly even ‘bair’, jokes.”

think it was Oscar Wilde who lavatory and I can tell you that the air gets I’m sure Murphy, when he wasn’t met- smoke-belching harbingers of (what get you running in the right direction mi- first said ‘it’s not easy being pretty polluted. But as for the total carbon ing out sinister laws and generally being might well turn out to be) ecological croseconds ahead of the hordes of sweaty green’. Then again, it may have emissions, I honestly don’t know. And if a depressive Irish git, was a commuter. It doom. But where was I? Ah yes, on a businessmen, hoodie-wearing yoofs and been the Statue of Liberty. I’m starting a new trend for honesty in my certainly would have given him enough train. Lol. Roffle. Bare, or ‘bear’, or quite shopping bag-laded old women. Whoever it was, they were cer- prose, I might as well tell you flat out that time to come up with his vast literary out- possibly even ‘bair’, jokes. In other words, by the time the ubiq- Itainly onto something. It is decidedly fur the purposes of this piece it doesn’t put of one law: The trouble, you see, starts with getting uitous, androgynous voice says “the next difficult being green, and a great deal matter. Not really. At least, it won’t to you. ‘Toast will always fall with the buttered to the right platform. At Euston station train to Manchester will be leaving from harder to pretend to be green. And, of And that’s the important thing. side down’ and its corollary. there are two ways to find out what plat- platform 6,” you can be scampering half- course, quite possibly racist. Ever since my girlfriend left London to ‘Unless you smear the other side with form your train is boarding from. You can way across the station. That’s why, in fine Capitalist style, I’m swing her plan for world domination into chocolate spread, honey or Tiptree’s either read it off the massive boards that The disadvantage of this technique, of going to subtly dodge the issue at hand. phase two, I’ve been making regular train blackcurrant preserve’ hang in the main hall, or off the smaller course, is that it turns you into a neurotic But, in order to avoid being dismissed as journeys up and down the country from Only a man with intimate knowledge departure board that can be found di- wreck. The constant shifting of focus, the some ivory tower columnist (or should London ‘We’ve Got A Problem’ Euston. of trains and their greasy ways could have rectly beneath the others. And while the innumerable false starts and incessant that be some ivory column tourist?) so far And there are certain things you learn come up with so black an outlook on life. amateur traveler may see no difference nail-biting do take their toll. But, at least out of the loop as to receive a negligible about train travel once you’ve journeyed Take me, for instance. Where once between the two, those of us who are you get to be first on the train, right? And field from the current run- the distance from New York to Salt Lake my idealism and naivety were such that familiar with the functioning of Euston’s that’s a good thing, right? Hmm. Well, in ning through it, I will deal with the burn- City in three months and a half. You get I could watch Strictly Come Dancing in delicate ecosystem can tell that therein theory. ing green question in my own manner. the chance to learn all the little secrets of the belief that I was being treated to top lies the difference between life and death. Tune in next week – same time, same Ahem. how your railway station of choice works, class entertainment, I am now an ardent Don’t ask me how I found this out – or, place – to hear about our hero’s exploits Trains, eh? You can just about live with and you come to grips with all the tech- and committed pessimist. I have become more to the point, don’t ask me how my on on board the Irrelevantly-Named Ex- them, and you’d be able to live a great deal niques for making sure you get a seat on the sort of person who believes we’re all girlfriend found this out – but informa- press. Will he find a seat? Will he pur- slower without them. But they pollute. the train you want. so damned thirsty that the glass of water tion appears on the smaller board frac- chase and consume train food? Will a Boy do they pollute. Right? I mean, what The most important lesson you learn, itself is a mirage. tionally before it appears on the larger one. large hairy dog choose to jump heavily do I know? I’ve traveled up and down the however, is that none of these techniques And I blame the railway system. Boo! Which means, gentle reader, that a glance on his back? Find out all this and more in country a few times in a seat opposite the works. Ever. You (quite possibly) carbon-guzzling, in the right direction at the right time can next week’s issue.

the Humanities Department and even more so in the Faculty of Medicine. To make matters worse for Sir Roy, the re- search money granted this year by the Higher Education Funding Council for My take on England was half of what Imperial had received the year before, despite the fact that Imperial had one of the best the past week Research Assessment Exercise marks in the whole country. The government JJovanovan NNedicedic Assistant Editor funded RAE found Imperial to have many departments that were either world leading (4*) or internationally excellent (3*). Our faculties were either he resignation of the Rec- reputation of being a world expert in demic has started.” When you couple a great thing. On the student front, he best or second in the UK in terms of tor, Sir Roy Anderson, on infectious diseases. The one thing that this with the fact that he was getting highlighted how he wanted to look into the number of 4* and 3* research, with Monday morning came you can take from this is that he is an paid £116,000 a year by GlaxoSmith- the student satisfaction figures and re- many individual departments coming as quite a shock, mainly Imperial Man. He was a student here, Kline, who were developing the vacci- ally get to grips with what ‘s making out on top (including Mechanical and because Sir Roy had only he knows what it’s like to be an under- nation for Swine Flu, some alarm bells them happy and what ‘s not. All in all, Aeronautics :-) ). Again going back to Tbeen at the helm for about 16 months. graduate, postgraduate, researcher, started to ring in many people’s ears. it seems to me that his objectives were the interview last year, it was evident This relatively short amount of time lecturer and head of department. He His most recent bit of controversy was focused on bringing the university that he was unhappy with the amount at the top, and the wording in his resig- knows the College inside-out. the interview he gave to the Evening back to students and take it away from of money Imperial was being given for nation email, has led to many conspira- Sir Roy left in 1993 to join the Univer- Standard where he seemed to be in fa- the business mentality that it had when research, and the £5m decrease from cies about his untimely departure. The sity of Oxford where he was head of the vor of privatising universities. he started. the government this year certainly main question on a lot of lips, however, Zoology. This is where things started His appointment as Rector was by There was one main problem to this didn’t help. is: Did he jump ship or was he pushed to go wrong for him. In 2000 he had to and large seen as a positive one by stu- dream, Sir Richard Sykes. The previ- It seems to me at least, that his inten- off the plank? I know a lot of the stu- resign from the University of Oxford dents, postgraduates, researches and ous Rector was an ambitious man, he tions were honorable. He truly wanted dents couldn’t care less, in fact I don’t after he had made allegations that a fe- professors alike, mainly because he was changed the structure of the college, to help the students and the academic think that a lot of students even know male member of staff had slept her way a student at Imperial. made it more business focused. He staff at Imperial, but his hands were what a Rector is, let alone who they to her position. An inquiry also found There was hope that he would hired staff that would enable him to do bound not only by the economic crisis, might be. To put it simply, he’s the boss. that he was in breach of rules, after he change the business appearance Impe- this and fired the ones that obstructed but by the business men and women I think that most people do know was found to have a conflict of interest rial had and return it to what it really him. His greatest achievement was Im- in the Blue Cube, who didn’t want this who the rector is, maybe you should as director and shareholder of Interna- is, a place for higher education, a place perial’s rise to 5th best in the world. change to happen. say “I know that most people couldn’t tional Biomedical and Health Sciences for ground breaking research, a world His greatest failure was the fall of Im- I read somewhere that a Rector say- care less but blah blah it’s important” Consortium — an Oxford-based bio- leading university. This was clearly perial’s student satisfaction figures to ing that he wants to ‘focus more on First of all, let’s get some background medical consultancy that had awarded evident in the interview with that fe- the lowest of any Russell Group Uni- his research’ is the same as a politician information. Sir Roy was a student at grants to his research centre. Sir Roy lix did last year, where he spoke about versity (the UK’s Ivy League). Even saying he wants to step down from Imperial in the late 60’s where he stud- was also the Chief Scientific advisor wanting researchers to focus on quality though Sir Richard’s gone, his legacy, politics to ‘spend more time with his ied Zoology, before gaining a PhD in to the Government when the Foot and and not quantity, and wanting to give and more importantly, the people he family.’ So I ask, are you really sure he Parasitology in 1971. After he had fin- Mouth crisis came about, arguably his them the time and space where this hired to make sure his dreams were wanted to resign? ished his studies, he remained at Impe- advice led to the unnecessary culling could be possible, in his own words, achieved, are still here. Whatever you might think, Lord rial doing research and he became a of millions of healthy animals. More he wanted to make sure the research- Sir Roy’s appointment was made dur- Kerr is back on the search to find a Professor of Parasite Ecology in 1982 recently, he was on BBC’s Today Pro- ers weren’t “consistently pressured by ing the credit crunch. 5% budget cuts new rector, although with a salary of and the head of Biology from 1984- gramme in May 2009, where he spoke performance matrix”. Seeing as I’m were put on all departments, there was £370,000 a year I don’t imagine he’ll be 1993. Over the years, he generated a about Swine Flu claiming that “the pan- doing research now, that sounds like a hiring freeze and also job losses in short of applicants. 8 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 Science Editors Nathan Ley & Brigette AtkinsAtkins SCIENCE [email protected] Let’s set the scene, and stay calm

NNathanathan LLeyey Science Editor front, a new UN report suggests that slowing the growth of the population could help to combat climate change. The issue of climate change is one of It said that if women were empowered the many issues that walks the tight- to take control of their reproductive rope of a boundary between science health, they may choose to have fewer and politics. It may be continuously chidren and consequently this would on the agenda, but rather like an om- reduce pressure on resources and the nipresent smell, you get used to it and environment. forget it. In fact, it’s built up its own The 94-page report calls for any deal little hate club. But whatever happens, coming out of Copenhagen to include environmentalism is not the same as measures to empower women. This re- socialism, and even if it was, so what? port states what we all know to be com- I'll often think about the wildernesses mon sense, but for some reason people of this country, such as the Cairngorms refuse to be vocal about, for fear of rac- and Dartmoor, and comfort myself in ism. Well, you can call it racism if you thinking that man is nothing but a pin like, but there’s nothing sensible about prick in the grand scheme of things. families having ridiculous numbers of Man cannot tame the great, wild out- children, with Islamic and African na- doors and place a Tesco superstore or tions mostly to blame for this. a McDonalds wherever it pleases be- The world clearly has a finite amount cause we are not capable of doing such of resources and so it is an angle for at- things. An old saying on the moor goes tack on the problem of climate change "scratch Dartmoor and she’ll break that is all too often forgotten about. As your back”. This phrase has come to be Nobel Laureate Harry Kendall stated, due to the number of ventures man has “If we don’t halt population growth made to try and tame it: for example with justice and compassion, it will there was a failed, and expensive at- be done for us by nature, brutally and tempt to build a railway from a nearby without pity - and will leave a ravaged fringe village up onto the high peat world”. Maybe China had it right all workings. along? However, there are those that take Filth, pure industrial filth - a symbol of the over-indulgence of the industrial generation? Anyway, whatever your opinion on this a little bit too far. Those who be- these matters, it is a human character lieve that no matter how much man trait to never give up. Even without the interferes with the planet, it will al- goes "Is it worth compromising the there are those with whom this is just on the heartstrings of individuals and appropriate backing from industry nor ways correct itself as it has been doing economy for a cause that may actually incompatible. make people think about the fairness from government, scientists are uni- on a cyclical basis for billions of years. be flawed? No? Ok then we’ll just carry An angle that this issue must be at- of the effect they're having on the plan- versally attempting to find solutions to The Gaia hypothesis proposes that on as we are". tacked from is the moral side. Al Gore's et, without resorting to religion to have the problem of climate change which the earth is a single, self-regulating What the world has to realise is 2006 documentary ‘An Inconvenient to impose morals. is quite obviously real and extremely organism. that economic growth, prosperity and Truth’ showed not only that the USA It had the power and clarity to make dangerous - as it has been for a good This belief is not only incorrect and reaching the summit of the capitalism missed out on having the ideal leader us think about how our actions are un- few years now. the official Republican Party line (and ladder can’t occur at all when there is as a successor to Clinton, but also that doubtedly affecting the sort of world With the critical Copenhagen con- potentially industry-led), but is also no Earth to build these systems upon. it was possible - through the eloquent we might be leaving for generations to ference a matter of weeks away, here extremely dangerous. It is the scien- You would think that a little compro- skill of conveying scientific data and come, and how it is morally incompre- we present to you a series of arti- tific equivalent of a cum rag. And so mise on everyone’s part would be research as straightforward informa- hensible to leave such a place. cles that are themed to coincide with because of this idea, the logical policy the sensible way forward, however tion for anyone to understand - to pull Confronting the issue on another Green Week.

The government needs to wake up to the challenge of peak oil, fast

EEricarica TThompsonhompson Science Reporter Now take a look at the graph showing labels in your next shopping basket). These patterns are set to continue world oil discoveries and world oil ex- “So, what are the Now, food and indeed oil imports are and worsen especially with the im- traction. Discoveries peaked in 1964, unlikely to collapse overnight, but the pacts of climate change. Peak Oil is a Let's start with a quick challenge: take and we are not finding enough oil to implications of price of oil has been extremely volatile global problem, and it is enforced on a look around your home and try to replace the stuff being pumped out of over the last few years and the price of us by physics, not politics. Unfortu- name one item that was not produced the ground. This means that at some a decline in oil food commodities on global markets nately, physics doesn't have an obvious by, with, or from oil. point, because it is not renewable, the has risen to the point that many in the solution yet. Our government can no Easy, you think - anything that's not availability of oil will peak and start availability?” developing world can no longer afford longer afford to keep their heads in the plastic! But you'd be wrong. What to decline. This will almost certainly to buy it. sand. about clothes? Sorry, synthetic fibres happen in under 20 years, and could are out (made directly from oil) and happen within 10 years, according to a true independence from Saudi Ara- natural ones come from plants farmed recent report on Global Oil Depletion bia. Hydrogen vehicles - well, when using tractors (running on oil). That by the UK Energy Research Centre, are you planning to buy one? The price apple in the bowl? Unless you picked it based at Imperial College. of electricity, transport, and heating yourself from a local tree, it's probably So, what are the implications of a de- will inevitably rise after the oil peak - been doused with pesticides (produced cline in oil availability? It is easy to say all these we can and will learn to live from oil) and shipped to you in a lorry that we should just start using other with less of. But there is a key area (running on oil). things, but not so easy actually to come where we are all truly vulnerable: food Contents of your bathroom? Almost up with a plan for doing that. Substi- security. all oil-derived. As are detergents, glue, tution by gas and coal is surprisingly Food contains hundreds of calories paint, medicines, make-up, insulation, difficult - you can convert them to liq- of fossil fuel input for every calorie carpet, agricultural fertilisers and most uid fuels, but in practice it's just not a that you eat. Plants are grown using forms of packaging. We also rely on oil viable large-scale option. fertilisers, pesticides, tractor fuel for in the form of petrol, diesel and jet fuel Renewable energy is great but with- ploughing, spraying and harvesting, to transport ourselves and our food out a huge shot in the arm from the machinery fuel for processing, plastics and goods from place to place, and government (something unlikely to be for packaging and diesel fuel for ship on oil along with other fossil fuels to forthcoming in the current economic and lorry transport to your local su- produce our electricity. Our economy, situation), it simply can't be scaled up permarket - all from cheap oil. livelihoods, and lives are totally de- quickly enough even to meet our cli- Britain is currently unable to feed pendent on oil. mate change targets, let alone give us itself (just read the country of origin World oil discoveries and world oil extraction felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 9 [email protected] SCIENCE Is it all smoke and mirrors? The danger of static

KKellyelly OOakesakes Science Reporter over the globe, staying at their new cutting emissions, suggesting that it level for 3 years on average. However, may be a good way to buy the Earth conservationism ozone destruction also increased sub- some time while we wait to see the re- Geoengineering is seen by some as stantially and the average precipitation sults of emissions cuts. a quick and easy way out of global worldwide dropped significantly in the Criticisms are also easy to come up CChrishris SSelfelf Science Reporter taining the ecological status quo, with warming, and by others as danger- 16 months following the eruption. with. It has been argued that these species that are native encouraged and ous, unpredictable and just another The second major type of geoengi- techniques will only put off the inevi- all other deemed invaders and exter- excuse not to cut carbon emissions. neering method involves enhancing table, and while doing so risk making I have a theory that, in the comfortable minated, since the effect of that one But what actually is it? Well, there is natural “carbon sinks”. Fertilising the politicians and others complacent Western world at least, the most uni- invader on the ecosystem is impossible no generally-accepted definition, but oceans with iron to stimulate phyto- about emissions cuts. What's more, versally appreciable painful experience to predict, in which case it could be anything that can be classed as a large- plankton growth falls into this catego- little detailed research has been done is the feeling of ‘if only I had known devastating. But the climate is chang- scale scheme to manipulate the effects ry, as does reforestation. These proc- into some of these methods, so there then what I know now’. This power- ing; no amount of conservation work of global warming would probably fit esses aim to attack the rising levels of may be unintended consequences that less longing for the ability to change will stop that fact. And one of the main the bill. There are a variety of ways this greenhouse gases, and hopefully lock we know nothing about at present. For the actions of the past would explain impacts of this is that species will natu- manipulation can be done, however them away for years to come. example, reducing solar input could why we grieve, and why we feel guilt rally begin to migrate. most methods can be split into two There are plenty of advantages to result in lowering crop yields, which of all kinds. And it would also explain Most of the creatures of Earth have categories: solar radiation manage- geoengineering. For instance, a lot of would cause famine. why we feel such a terrible connection evolved to quite a specific environ- ment and greenhouse gas remediation. the methods that decrease the amount In an ideal world, to combat global to the plight of species endangered by ment and are almost exclusively found In other words, reducing the amount of sunlight hitting the earth would be warming we would cut emissions by climate change. If only we had known in this optimal region. But as tem- of sunlight reaching the Earth, or soak- very cheap to implement - it would the 60-80% needed to stabilise the con- 150 years ago that the comfort afford- peratures and weather patterns shift, ing up greenhouse gases from the be possible to create a new ice age for centration of CO2 in the atmosphere. ed by the brave new world would mean this window begins to creep, moving atmosphere. around 0.01% of the USA’s gross do- However, from 2001 to 2002 emissions the irrevocable loss of creatures great slowly across the surface of the planet. The first category includes tech- mestic product by decreasing global actually increased by 2% and this trend and small and, in some cases, whole What happens if it crosses into a con- niques intended to increase the albedo temperatures. Also, the changes re- doesn’t look set to change much in the ecosystems. servation region? Well, they’re invad- (or reflectivity) of the Earth, for exam- sulting from applying geoengineering near future. Soon, some geoengineer- The natural reaction to realising we ing species right? I guess they have to ple sending billions of aluminised re- methods would appear much more ing methods may become necessary to have inherited such a dreadful legacy be kept out. The native populations flective balloons into the atmosphere, quickly than any changes arising from stop drastic climate heating before it’s of short-sightedness is to immediately also seem to be diminishing; we better or positioning a giant mirror in space too late. stop making things even worse. This exterminate all these invaders quickly, that would act as a sunshade between is what informs a lot of environmental restore the balance we’re used to. the Sun and the Earth. One of the most policymaking and in cases where our You can see the problem here; in noteworthy of these types of propos- actions are the continual driving force, blindly looking to the past for our als is one that aims to inject up to two for example carbon emission forcing record of what species are native to a metric tons of sulphuric aerosols into an ever-increased rate of rise of global region, we risk catastrophic collapse in the atmosphere, which would then act temperatures, it is absolutely the right ecological variety across the Western as condensation nuclei and influence idea. But helping ease climate change world. The very act of trying to cor- the micro-physical and optical proper- at the source is, of course, only half rect the sins of our past would become ties of clouds. This is the idea of Dutch the story of environmentalism. A lion’s a short-sighted failure to rival even Professor Paul Crutzen, who won the those we strive to put right. Conser- Nobel Prize for Chemistry in 1995 vationism is now beginning to enter when he and his colleagues discovered “Ecosystems are in a new era of crisis policy. This is a re- the cause of the hole in the ozone layer. gime under which it may no longer be Mount Pinatubo has already shown a continuous state possible to talk about maintaining the that this method would succeed in re- species of a region but instead consid- ducing the average global temperature; of flux.” ering the global variety and the viabil- after its eruption in 1991, sunlight ity of ecosystems as a whole. An era reaching the Earth was reduced by 10% Spraying sea water to create clouds and shield the Earth from sunlight is one of share of the work done is aimed at when the discussion is not about how and temperatures decreased by 0.5°C many geoengineering solutions to climate change dealing with the affects of that change, to keep invading European butterflies which even now we are beginning to out of the gardens of Kent, but instead see. Examples of this being: the melt- focuses on the logistical challenges of ing of the ice caps, the migration of allowing migrating creatures to cross populations, and the increasing vio- the many dividing lines humans have Manufacturing pollution: The hidden costs lence of weather patterns worldwide. driven across the landscape: railways, This conservationist effort centrally motorways, cities, farmland, etc. We includes helping those species doomed must fight the root cause of climate NNickick OakesOakes Science Reporter respective of which perspective you into rivers and delicate ecosystems. by climate changes. change but at the same time recognise take, the natural environment must be Factory workers get sick from the But here we have reached a difficulty: that the change is here and in dealing degraded in some form to allow for in- chemicals used. Most of the products as soon as we start talking about those with it we may, at all levels, have to ask It’s becoming commonplace to exam- dustrial production. This growing deg- themselves contain toxic chemicals. animals and insects, creatures of all va- some hard questions. ine the carbon footprint of everyday radation has led to the current state of One study found antimony, a potential rieties, the deeply embedded cultural activities. We all recognise the impor- the environment. carcinogen, present in polyester shirts. guilt rushes to the surface. All of a sud- Inspired by a talk given by Dr. Blake tance of reducing carbon emissions. Global warming is probably the most Another found teratogenic compounds, den, the only acceptable solution is to Suttle at the Grantham Institute for Airlines offer carbon offsets, car com- pertinent issue that exists today. In- a potential reason for birth defects, entirely stop the change, to somehow Climate Change entitled ‘Challenges panies are making hybrids and appli- dustry accounts for over a quarter of all present in computer mice. Another lock the natural world into a perpetual in Predicting Ecological Responses to ances are becoming more efficient. the carbon emissions in the UK. And found phthalates, liver carcinogens for model of the early 21st century. And in Climate Change’. But what about the indirect emissions that’s just their direct emissions. They animals, present in plastic baby rattles. this case, this is absolutely the wrong - those associated with computers, also have indirect emissions associated Why are these chemicals there? Are course of action. clothes or books? What about the hid- with each product. Things like trans- they necessary? Apparently not. There Ecosystems are in a continuous state den emissions of manufactured goods? port from the factory, factory heating, are engineers, designers and scientists of flux. The interactions of food webs, Industrial production is based on a running a shop to sell the product, dis- revising the composition of products species diversity and distribution, oth- model that was invented over a cen- posal emissions, etc. At every point in and eliminating the toxic chemicals. er spatial factors such as the lie of the tury ago. As you would expect, that’s the life of something that wasn’t grown Retailers are starting to source their land, plant distributions, etc. alongside now outdated. The assumption that in- in your garden (with some exceptions), products from environmentally re- numerous other contributing factors dustry’s effects on the environment are it will end up increasing the carbon in sponsible companies. make the evolution of ecosystems dif- negligible is definitely obsolete. For the atmosphere. The humble Ameri- Carbon emissions too are being re- ficult to predict, and impossible at a ‘by each product industry makes, there’s can cheeseburger, for example, results duced. Many companies are imple- species’ level. Beyond this, studies have a surplus of polluting by-products in 3 kg of equivalent carbon dioxide menting extensive efficiency measures, continually shown that the results of that are released into the environ- being released into the atmosphere, trying to reduce waste and sourcing ecological experiments cannot be gen- ment. They come in various forms: along its journey from cow to mouth. their power from renewables. Some eralised. All of this makes conservation harmful chemicals, greenhouse gases, In addition to carbon footprints there have even built their own renewable work incredibly difficult. Put alongside toxic gases or even heat. On top of are ecological footprints. They display supply. Others want to ‘green’ their the widespread belief that species dis- that, the inputs required to make the the full environmental effects of human suppliers, stores and even customers. tributions must be kept as they were goods - and the pollutants - are natural damage, illustrating all the dangerous This is good – they are definitely some arbitrary amount of time ago, resources. They are required to power pollutants that litter our water, ground steps in the right direction. But they this has meant that until recently a lot More exotic butterflies, such as this the plant, to be the goods themselves and air. Industry has a huge ecological are only ‘being less bad’. Industry still of conservation work has been exactly Queen of Spain Fratillary, could soon and to run the manufacturing line. Ir- footprint. Production waste is dumped has a long way to go. that. Work has been aimed at main- be common in the UK. 10 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 SCIENCE [email protected] An optimistic approach to tackling climate change

BBrigetterigette AtkinsAtkins Science Editor such concrete scientific grounding. Part of the exhibit invites visitors to sign up online and be ‘counted in’ or Regardless of my personal view on cli- ‘counted out’ with regards to the follow- mate change, James Beal’s article last ing statement: “I’ve seen the evidence. week really struck a chord with me. And I want the government to prove Headlines day after day proclaim the they’re serious about climate change inevitability of a doomed Earth and by negotiating a strong, effective, fair almost invite us to take an apathetic deal at Copenhagen.” By the time I view on any matter relating to the en- spoke to Mrs Carroll, 4700 people had vironment, including climate change. voted ‘count me in’ against 7400 voting It is evident these gloomy promises of to be ‘counted out’. I thought this may a deteriorating planet are not having be down to the exhibit only containing the dramatic effect needed to kickstart information in support of acting on cli- a change in attitudes towards environ- mate change; perhaps visitors thought mental matters. It is all too easy for us they were being shown a very biased to detach from the Earth and forget view of the evidence and therefore how much we rely on its all-too-finite were mistrusting of it. Or perhaps they resources. A fresh approach is needed simply did not understand the aims of in order to change the public view on the Copenhagen conference and how climate change. it may affect them. Mrs Carroll had By chance, I saw a poster on the un- other ideas as to why a worryingly derground a few days after reading ‘Prove it!’ runs until 31st January. For more information, visit: www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/proveit large number of people had ‘counted James’ article, advertising a new exhi- out’. “[The poll] suggests a lot of people bition at the Science Museum entitled are not convinced climate change is a ‘Prove it!’ The exhibition promised “all science of climate change, highlight I asked about the motivation behind a wealth of information on why we priority ... we see is as our job to reach the evidence you need to believe in cli- the significance of negotiations in Co- the creation of ‘Prove it!’. The Science need to act on climate change and the these people.” The Science Museum is mate change”. After visiting the exhibit penhagen, show different viewpoints Museum believes that climate change importance of the Copenhagen confer- planning more events along a similar itself, I spoke with Victoria Carroll – on climate change and give visitors the is the “most important issue facing ence. Opposition and alternative views theme in an attempt to do this, includ- head of content for ‘Prove it!’ – about opportunity to explore these views and humanity” and they were aware that on climate change, such as the Gaia ing a larger exhibit set to open in June the motivation behind creating the ex- make up their minds as to where they a different approach to just bombard- hypothesis that the Earth is a self-reg- next year. hibit, its aims and the idea of adopting stand in the debate.” ing the public with scare stories was ulating organism, were largely ignored I’m glad people are being given a a new approach to convincing the pub- Upon arrival, I was a bit surprised at necessary. Rather than create a sense by the exhibition. When asked why chance to explore climate change in lic that climate change is a major issue how small the exhibit area was given all of helplessness, the exhibit aims to only arguments for action on climate an environment safe from media tales facing humanity. the press and political attention it had engage the public and “create a sense change had been included in ‘Prove of our planet’s impending demise. But ‘Prove it!’ was launched on 22nd received. However, I was told this was of optimism about Copenhagen” – the it!’, Mrs Carroll informed me the Sci- with so many still unconvinced that cli- October this year with an appearance down to sustainability being a main fo- climate conference set to take place ence Museum has looked through the mate change is little more than fuel for made by Ed Miliband, the Secretary of cus in the design of the exhibit. The Sci- this December. The Museum is posi- evidence and is convinced that climate the papers on a ‘slow news’ day, organi- State for Energy and Climate Change. ence Museum worked with Ab Rogers tive Copenhagen will act as a turn- change is “real, happening and caused sations such as the Science Museum It’s directed at a target audience of Design to use recyclables and a minimal ing point in the fight against climate by humans.” The Science Museum sees will have a major task on their hands adults and children over 16 with the quantity of materials in order to achieve change and is committed to being the it as their job to convey what they view convincing their visitors that this is the following aims, as detailed by Mrs a “balance between sustainability and “number one destination for public en- is scientifically-valid information to most desperate issue facing our gen- Carroll: “to raise awareness of Copen- retaining impact.” Hence why the whole gagement with climate change.” their visitors rather than presenting eration. That’s not to say there’s lack of hagen, allow the public to explore the exhibit is held up with string! When visiting the exhibition, I found other views they do not believe to have trying. ‘Rewilding’: is turning back the clock really a solution?

EEliotliot BBarfordarford Science Reporter hosting dwindling populations of el- training captive animals to survive in So far however, it’s in Eurasia that monitoring them are usually too busy ephants, rhinos, and the like. the wild; for instance, Chinese tigers most progress has been made. Several to carry out studies, which are essen- Human activities continue to cause are being rewilded successfully in rewilding reserves have been set up and tial for garnering support from the All over the world, conservationists extinctions. What megafauna remain- South Africa for eventual reintroduc- zoologists have been “back breeding” research community. And what with are attempting to resurrect the past. ing in North America and Europe are tion to China itself by the Save China’s animals to try to replicate their forefa- most sites still lacking predators, these Against the odds, they are repopulat- mostly endangered and only special re- Tigers project. In recent years, the con- thers. For example, in the Netherlands ecosystems’ true stability is largely ing open spaces with species on the serves or protections maintain popula- cept has been expanded and applied to there lies an isolated wetland called the unknown, making access to funding verge of extinction, aiming to create tions of species such as the Red Wolf the wholesale reconstruction of extinct Oostvaardersplassen. In only 40 years difficult. Rewilding may be our last reserves that resemble the natural and Iberian Lynx. Many have com- ecosystems, typically those at the end since the land was reclaimed from the shot at restoring the world’s untainted world as it was 13,000 years ago. They pletely died out in the wild and survive of the Pleistocene – just before human- sea, it’s already one of the wildest loca- wildernesses, but such inspiring initia- call it “rewilding”. only as small captive populations in ity’s touch had truly been felt. In 2005, tions in Europe. It hosts completely in- tives are in dire need of greater public Since humans settled the globe, zoos. These decay in viability the long- Josh Donlan wrote a provocative piece dependent populations of Heck cattle support. hunting and climate change (cyclic ice er they stay in captivity, as sedentary in Nature calling for the “rewilding of and Konik horses, breeds that resem- ages, not just warming) have pushed lifestyles and inbreeding cause them to North America” to hold off the on- ble the lost wild aurochs and Tarpan most of Europe and America’s large lose fitness and forget their survival in- coming surge of “pests and weeds”. He horses respectively. Those creatures animals to extinction. These “mega- stincts. Conservationists know that re- proposed reintroduction of the large were ancestors to modern livestock, fauna” are considered to include any- introduction into the wild is essential vertebrates that previously roamed the and the new breeds have many of their thing as big as a human. During the for the continuation of these species, Great Plains, such as camels and chee- characteristics. The Oostvaardersplas- Pleistocene epoch, early humans lived but suitable sites are lacking: they must tahs. Donlan and others suggest that sen has also attracted habitat-deprived alongside other megafauna, from the be easily monitored, safe from human huge “ecological history parks” could birds like the White-tailed Eagle, and famous sabre-toothed cat and woolly interference and often be very large. save dying species, restore America’s may soon be enriched with wild boars mammoth to more unusual giant To make the matter worse, a hint at prairies and benefit poor surrounding and deer from nearby reserves. Simi- sloths, birds and marsupials. That geo- reintroduction of predators elicits hys- towns in one shot. larly, Pleistocene Park near Chersky in logical age ended 12,000 years ago, and teria from agricultural and safety com- But what of the Pleistocene species Russia accommodates the threatened the fossil record holds clues that the munities touting risks to livestock and that have been extinct for millennia? Yakutian horse and wood bison, with decline of megafauna coincided with humans. Yet most people agree on a These can be compensated for by re- plans for the reintroduction of musk the rise of humans. Some impressive responsibility to repair at least some of introducing existing organisms with ox and even the great Siberian tiger, beasts only recently disappeared, such the damage we’ve done to ecosystems, similar ecological roles. For example, which is presently confined to a tiny as New Zealand’s massive Moa and the and many support the preservation of the African cheetah could stand in for range in Russia’s far east. legendary aurochs, both hunted into beautiful and iconic creatures like the the vanished American cheetah, and Rewilding is not without its prob- oblivion. Yet ironically, it is in human- panda and polar bear. elephants may be good substitutes for lems. Like other conservation projects, The longer a species remains in ity’s cradle that most megafauna have Rewilding may be a solution. The the mammoths and great mastodons reserves are short on cash and lack captivity, the more difficult it is for persisted, with Africa and Asia still term derives from the practice of re- that once trod the prairies. clear objectives. Conservationists them to be ‘rewilded’ felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 11

    #    BBusinessusiness EditorEditor SinaSina AtaherianAtaherian 

BUSINESS [email protected]  Two sides of the environment debate Don’t be fooled by “green” growth v Dubious science and worse economics

o you believe in sustainable develop- even make us less happy. Was my life so much he term “climate change” is nonsensi- with some clarification, is yes. A conspiracy is ment? I mean, really? Let’s stop being worse before I got my new iPod? Was I miserable cal. No one disagrees with the fact simply two or more people collectively organis- hypocritical and realise that our way when my TV was not LCD? that the climate changes. What many ing an illigal or immoral act. All successful con- of life is unsustainable. The planet Let us not be fooled: efficiency gains and doubt is the proposition that human- spiracies in history have been the same. The doesD not care if we think green: what matters is cleaner products will not achieve much if total Tproduced carbon dioxide is having a significantly average participant is an unwittingly genuine acting. production always increases. For instance, the warming effect on the planet. We call it “anthro- believer, and only a few key individuals are be- A bit of history - it all starts with Mr Watt and planet does not care if the cars we produce are pogenic global warming” (AGW). ing consciously deceptive. Once the snowballs his steam engine. He led the way to the indus- more environmentally friendly, or if the number We all know that carbon dioxide is a green- get rolling, it rapidly incorporates people who trial revolution, which increased the production of cars increases faster than efficiency gains. Un- house gas; this has been proven by repeatable believe in its moral virtue as well as those who capabilities of countries in an extraordinary way. fortunately, this is the case right now. experiments. Through this effect, the amount are keen to profit from this new direction of hu- Never before had human beings produced more Our need for more is destroying the world. We of radiation reflected increases as the amount of man priorities. goods in the same period of time. And never be- are putting too much value on things that do not carbon dioxide increases in the atmosphere, thus Carbon trading is the most likely “solution” fore did we consume so many natural resources. necessarily make us happier. There is a case to keeping the planet at a higher temperature. that we will see, and it is a scam. It amounts to a Thanks to the steam engine and other fantas- be made that the world will be better off and we CO2 on its own is insignificant in determin- global wealth redistribution scheme, with skim- tic inventions, the US and Western Europe got won’t be less happy if we consume less stuff. At ing the temperature of our planet. Consider that ming operations by various entities all the way very rich. The world became more polluted, its the same time there should be no limit to activi- carbon dioxide only comprises a small fraction up and down the system. It works like this; you resources were rapidly eaten up and the air got ties which do not negatively impact the environ- of the greenhouse effect, with almost the entire start with a blank piece of paper. Then, some hotter. No one really cared. What mattered was ment, such as web technologies, the arts, culture rest of the effect taken up by water vapour, which bureaucrat sprinkles “carbon credits”. He gives getting richer. and knowledge of the economy. acts in many ways we do not fully understand yet. less to people he wants to steal wealth from, and Economists thought, and many of them still If we attach more value to non-material activi- Consider that the greenhouse effect itself is a rel- more to people who are going to receive a frac- think, that more consumption invariably means ties, this will lead governments and the private atively passive factor in determining the climate tion of what’s stolen. If you want to engage in more happiness. Governments, who listen to sector to redirect investments. Investing mas- of the planet, surpassed by the oceans, ocean cur- activities that produce carbon dioxide (which di- economists more than anybody else, therefore sively in arts and culture can only make a more rents, the Moon, the Sun, orbital variations, and rectly or indirectly means everything under the tried to increase consumption levels by promot- diverse, broad minded and richer civilisation. other flux from extra-terrestrial sources. Sun) and do not get enough carbon credits from ing growth. This makes sense up to a certain level Spending more money on education will make So how does the AGW theory manage to make the bureaucrat, you have to go buy some from the of wealth. But in rich countries, is this quest for the planet smarter and allow us to solve more of such big claims about the importance of carbon people he gave lots to. Meanwhile, the real ben- being ever more wealthy still making us happier? our problems. This is what sustainability is really dioxide? Well, what they’ve essentially done is efactors of this system get into action. First come There is another flaw in most economic mod- about: leaving the planet in a better shape than speculate about the dynamics of all sorts of com- unscrupulous carbon traders, who are actively els: they are based on the assumption of infinite that we found it in. plex and non-linear mechanisms in the climate lobbying for carbon trading. Then, the national growth. However, in a finite world where produc- We have to dematerialise growth. It starts in that work to amplify the small direct warming governments take their slice through taxation in tion is dependent on non-renewable resources, our everyday life, by slowing down in our quest effect from carbon dioxide into a much larger various forms on this trading activity. Finally, the continuous growth pushes us against the wall. for more and by giving value to non-material indirect effect, and then put it into a computer World Bank takes its cut at 8% of all international The current model is not sustainable. things. We could save the world and be happier if model. They then run the computer model, show trades, effectively creating the taxation founda- It’s time to reverse the trend, to think of quali- we realise, with Gandhi, that “there is more to life the Earth blowing up, and present it as proof of tion (receiving donations from national Govern- tative and not quantitative growth. But how? than increasing its speed.” AGW. ments is a weak basis of power) for increased Over-consumption is destroying our environ- There are two bold and glaring problems with global governance. If you think that will make ment so we should consume less. This might not By Lucas Chancel, Jonas Rooze and Romina Castro this. First of all, computer models are not proof policy implementation more efficient, just recall of a theory, they are representations of the un- what happens when local Government functions derstanding of the person(s) who built the model. are transferred to a national body. Then scale up. To use computer models as proof is a circular ar- In conclusion, I do not believe we can say with gument. Frankly, it is quite shocking this very certainty whether or not carbon dioxide pro- basic point is not challenged more often. duced by humans is producing significant climate The second problem is that there is no empiri- changes. We can, however, still take precau- cal evidence to support their speculated magni- tions. It is an observable fact that the wealthier fication of the importance of carbon dioxide. the economy, the more capable it is of adapting There has never been a period in the Earth’s his- to environmental changes. We should therefore tory that shows carbon dioxide levels being im- aim for economic growth as a flexible and com- portant in determining the average temperature prehensive preparation for any climate problems of the planet. When we find correlations in the we might encounter. Sacrificing growth, by fo- data, carbon dioxide levels are trailing tempera- cusing on mitigating carbon dioxide emissions at ture changes, suggesting that temperature influ- the expense of cheap resources, only to discover ences carbon dioxide, not the other way around. we were wrong, would be catastrophic. We need There’s no reason to get bogged down in the our preparation for climate change to cover all processes of the Intergovernmental Panel on possibilities. Climate Change (IPCC), catalogue the locations of meteorological equipment (they’ve put these By Edward Townes things next to air conditioners and parking lots, no joke), or laugh at hockey stick graph data algo- rithms by putting in random phone numbers and getting the same shape. Proponents of AGW are trying to use computer models to prove their the- ory. That’s not how the scientific method works, and that’s why I believe we should look at alterna- tive theories to anthropogenic global warming. On the scientific consensus, I have two points to make. Firstly, truth in science is determined through the scientific method, not the democrat- ic method. Secondly, whilst there is near unani- mous support for the AGW theory amongst state sanctioned scientific organisations- many anony- mous (to remove the element of peer pressure), surveys show even divides amongst individual scientists on the theory. The main purpose of the claim of consensus is to shut down further discussion, which is the classic signature of inse- curity in an argument. Former grazing pastures: property rights would Global warming is accused of contributing to increased flooding around the world So is AGW a conspiracy theory? The answer, incentivise individuals to steward their land 12 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009

PPoliticsolitics Editors JamesJames Goldsack, Katya-yani Vyas,Vyas, JamesJames Lees and Phil MurrayMurray POLITICS [email protected] Milk: more than just cow juice! ClimateC debate is all wrong NNeileil DDhirhir Do you remember the Milk Rounds? JamesJames Politics Editor Or the School Milk? (In all honesty, GoldsackGoldsack yours truly was not born when this was around.) Well this is another one of those areas where the country has his week is green week at Im- that temperatures are increasing? I am gone completely bonkers. perial College. A week when not saying we have no part to play, but I Consider what we now get our milk eco-warriors get high and think it is very arrogant of us to assume in: environmentally hazardous plas- mighty about their cause – we are to blame. tic cartridges that have to be thrown Tsaving the planet from imminent de- I know that I have been banging on out once they have been used. This of struction – citing Al Gore’s ‘An Incon- about global warming, and green week course, is counter productive as the venient Truth’ at every opportunity. is about more than this; it is about re- things are made of plastic i.e. oil, and Global warming is a big issue both ducing waste, increasing efficiency and may have to be burned, thus releasing politically and socially. We are being highlighting the need for renewables. I all those nasty gases the Green lobby told that it is almost too late to change, therefore commend the idea, despite keeps banging on about. that we are not doing enough to curb my reservations about the dubious use What has been done about this then? our use of hydrocarbons and that we of science to “prove” the necessity of Not very much to be quite honest. But must watch our carbon footprints. these moves. before we get to the Milk rounds, lets Isn’t it funny how just a few decades In the end each one of you should have a look at what some food chains ago there were warnings about us slip- look at the evidence yourselves, and are in fact offering. Tesco have noth- ping into another ice age? Many scien- think very hard about whether you can ing but the plastic gear which is utterly tists disagree with the claims put for- live with waste, inefficiency and the useless, particularly if you throw the ward that global warming is due to our prospect of oil wells running dry in a infernal thing out with the lid screwed hunger for dirty fossil fuels. Admit- matter of decades. tight. Some councils now employ peo- tedly, many of these are funded by oil With the Copenhagen conference ple-this is not a joke-whose soul pur- companies who obviously do not want fast approaching, many are claiming pose is to pop the cartons so as to free the findings to harm their business. that there is no hope for a deal. Gov- some space in the bins. The same story However, the government is much ernments should push for controls on is true for most of the big stores, except happier to fund research that shows pollutants to prevent harm to citizens Sainsbury’s and Waitrose. They have in the “correct” outcome; that fossil fuels and for innovation in new technolo- their larger supermarkets started us- create global warming. gies – “clean” coal, renewables. Do it ing bags of milk. Even the bags them- This politicisation of climate sci- without distorting science, and for the selves are recyclable which is always ence is wrong. Researchers should be non-political reason that it will soon good. But obviously the main benefit funded not depending on the outcome be necessary to say goodbye to fossil comes from not having a physical car- of the research or a person’s particular fuels as our primary source of energy ton which you have to smash with your view but on the quality of the research. and household materials. If we can get bare knuckles in order for the damned Remembering the good ol’ days of the Milkman delivering to your front door The government wants to send a over the “messages” and whether we thing to become somewhat ‘flat’. Other “message” that we must cut down on agree with certain claims or not, we benefits include saving plastic and us- our use of fossil fuels and halt destruc- may get somewhere by looking at the ing that oil on, say, better equipment probably the most environmentally our doorstep milk deliveries. After all, tion of the environment. The message facts and finding solutions to the prob- for the armed forces. friendly way of delivering fresh, cheap, there cannot be many countries that may be commendable, but politicians lems we face. Sainsbury’s claim that the only way to locally produced, milk? Bear in mind have had a record at number one in are again perverting science. As was This will not end with international open the bag, without ending up cov- that companies like Lidl insist on their the singles chart about a milkman. Co- seen over the last two weeks, this is co-operation and some abstract targets ered in milk, is to place the bag inside a milk being sent from Germany to median Benny Hill’s record Ernie (The an example of politicians digging their (we are a long way from meeting our jug and shut the lid. The special Sains- some of its stores in Europe. I.e. The Fastest Milkman In The West) topped dirty hands into science and playing Kyoto agreement targets), there must bury’s jug has a spike which pierces the milk you buy from Lidl is not, even by the charts in 1971 for five solid weeks. games. be serious policy changes at home. bag releasing the milk. Your humble any stretch of the imagination, ‘local’ Before the milk float, milk was deliv- I believe that we should cut down on The general population cannot be ex- narrator can comfort the dear reader if bought in Sweden, for example. The ered on wheeled carts – either horse- use of fossil fuels, increase energy effi- pected to take control of this problem, that this is all complete bollocks. You Milk Rounds use glass bottles (as you drawn or simply pushed. The milk was ciency and stop cutting down the rain- so money must be spent, where nec- do not need a special jug. You need a will know by now that glass is 100% in a churn before the advent of the milk forests, but for different reasons – pol- essary, to ensure we have technology jug, but not a special Sainsbury’s jug, recyclable) and the vehicles they spin bottle, and the milkman poured it into lutants are harmful to us; oil will run in place to replace current expiring and a pair of scissors. Cut off a corner around in are driven by electricity. the jugs his customers left on their out and new energy supplies must be sources. and pour the bloody milk into the jug. This is not to say that the industry doorsteps. A cloth cover over the jug found; inefficiency is a pointless waste It seems almost certain that the sea It is not rocket science and even if it is dead - far from it. From the website protected the milk from flies. The early of resources and money; and destroy- level will rise in the foreseeable future. were the all-mighty Imperial student Findmeamilkman.net we have it that morning chink-chink of the milkman ing habitats means we will no longer Why are countries not beginning to should be able to handle it. “The UK’s 9,500 milkmen and wom- or woman and the hum of the elec- be able to marvel at the different land- contemplate the effects this will have? It is a bit odd that it only arrived in en deliver to around 5 million homes tric float is declining in 21st-century scapes, flora and fauna. Mass migration is a real threat and the UK about a year ago; you can only every day. Whilst fresh liquid milk in England, despite efforts to extend the There are restrictions on the concen- plans must be put in place to ensure buy milk in bags in Canada. They do environmentally friendly returnable range of products on offer to include trations of various pollutants allowed that these kinds of episodes can be not sell it in any other form (suppos- glass milk bottles remains the corner- eggs, bread, juice and more. in the atmosphere. If we rewind back dealt with carefully and properly. It is edly 60% is sold in bag form, the re- stone of this service, your milkman can Despite rumours to the contrary, to the industrial revolution and even as very likely that borders will be broken maining 40% being some unknown also offer a large range of other goods. there is no threat to UK milk deliver- little as 50 years ago there were no such due to the huge influx of desperate form of storage particular to Canada). They will be more than happy to dis- ies from the European Union. How- restrictions. Yet all we hear is how the people. Which begs the question: why are they cuss the range of products that can ever, as we move further into this pollution occurring now is causing the Equally, it is inevitable that countries intent on destroying the countryside be delivered regularly directly to your century, it appears that the trend is warming of the globe. All the graphs will attempt to tighten their borders, when they might as well just outlaw doorstep.” Now, a normal person in the being reversed because people are we are shown to scare us into action leaving many stranded. In some cases I any packaging which does not neces- UK consumes roughly 2 litres or 3.5 starting to realise what this article has show the rapid increase in temperature would expect boats to be purposefully sarily have to be made from the most pints of milk each week. This is a fair been arguing, that there is simply no very recently. If it was linked to pollut- sunk and many people shot to prevent inconvenient of materials? Do you re- amount of milk. But one must wonder way in which supermarket-milk beats ant emission, would the temperature overcrowding. We as a people must try ally need cereal in a carton, is not the why are only 5 million homes in the milkman-milk. As such, it is becom- not have increased back when pollu- our best as far as possible to limit the bag enough? And so on. While not UK getting their milk from this service ing more popular again and it is only a tion levels were higher? devastating effect we will have upon wishing to be a mouth piece for the which ought to be the Emperors of the question of time before an MP of one Many climate scientists point to the each other. This is as much of a con- Green lobby bandwagon, (which Im- milk trade (and media and government ilk or another seizes upon this issue sun as an answer for increasing tem- cern as what to do about limited re- perial has happily hopped on – for it policy) in the UK, yet are not. A decade to include in their portfolio of “green peratures. Solar activity drives tem- sources and what to do when they run is a very profitable wagon, and as such ago, more than 2.5 billion litres of milk policies”. perature changes and we are currently out. suits Imperial College perfectly) we do were being delivered to the doorstep Instead of building expensive “eco- going through a period of high activity To the governments meeting in Co- need to reconsider the way we pack each year, which by 2004 had fallen to towns”, perhaps we ought to retrace our which, guess what, will naturally in- penhagen next month, whatever you things at least to save material. 637 million. Only 13% of the milk now steps to a time when people were far crease temperatures on Earth. Others do, whether anything is agreed or not, But now the more pressing of ques- consumed at home comes from deliv- more sensible (and greener) than they have realised that we are still coming please do not politicise the scientific tions: why have they let the Milk ery rounds (2006). are now; without having to destroy the out of an ice age. How surprising is it evidence. Rounds fall into despair, when it was We can get pretty nostalgic about entire economy in the process. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 13 [email protected] POLITICS Proactive approach needed on climate

RRichardichard HHowardoward more important things to spend their precious hard earned cash on, and there are so many important causes Everyone knows about climate change. out there, ordinary people just don’t Its buzz words: carbon footprint, have the resources, and when these greenhouse emissions etc. Its endless pretentious climate messiahs tell us documentaries, books, songs and con- mortals to do this and that it just guilts stant pleas from celebrities. But, what us into feeling bad that we not billion- are we going to do about it? aire philanthropists. There are enough people out there in Protesters and dreamers at hippy the public arena that are all talk and no gatherings of climate camp are preach- action; most celebrity endorsements ing more about prudence and an end are so hypocritical they’re insulting. In to the consumer agenda, than actu- a nutshell, their antics go something ally about climate change. They want like this: find cause which is poignant a change in the way people live their and mindlessly gut wrenching. Attract lives, and that is a far greater ask. huge amount of publicity visiting in- This is a far too much of a political digenous people and pretending to talk agenda, and almost bordering on a new to tribesmen (plenty of time for a pho- religious ideology. Again, just making to shoot); then fly back home first class everyone else feel bad. The solution of on a greenhouse-gas-spewing night- climate change will come from scien- mare of a plane. Arrive home; next tists and if they want to help instead day do a circuit of all the daytime TV of camping in inconvenient places in shows showing lots of emotion over London; play the system, lobby, drum the subject matter, and plug an album. up public support for ideas that will re- That is a pretty cynical view, I know, ally make a difference. but I am sure the celebs care about What is needed is not to concentrate their causes, but what I find so stu- on the emotive side of the problem, pid and inconsiderate on their part, is more the rational solutions. the fact that they then expect us, the Climate change in the media is ban- general public, to down tools and get died around so much, but how many to work ensuring their futile vision of people actually know the science be- a harmonious and peaceful world will hind it? To your average Joe, and your Continued polution at current levels will lead to a 6oC rise in global temperaures say the Global Carbon Project this week come to fruition. When actually, fun- Gucci wearing hippy of a celebrity this nily enough, we don’t have the same probably doesn’t matter, but it should. endless pots of gold as a multi-plati- Arming people with a knowledge of would be much more tailored to what when campaigning against the con- out), like fusion power for example. num recording artist or a jumped-up how and why the climate is changing was needed to combat climate change, struction of wind farms because it will My point is that we need to be model that suddenly cares about things and the technical side of the solutions, and this would get the ball rolling much ruin their view, while still wanting at more proactive in our quest for that the general populous cares about, would do more for climate change than faster as to what is needed to solve this the same time to save the earth. Or change, and in possession of knowl- just after they’ve been grappling with trying to force people’s opinions with gigantic pain in the arse. pressurising the people that matter to edge we can look to a brighter future, the tabloids over a nasty and twisted inaccurate shock therapy on TV. With Maybe stuck-up seaside residents invest vast sums in relevant technology instead of the frightening one that is divorce. The general public have much some basic science, public opinion would then be far less hypocritical (but nothing in comparison to a bail- portrayed in the public domain. Berlusconi’s widespread corruption in Italian politics

PPietroietro AAronicaronica efitted mostly only the ultra-rich. The much more loyalty to their bosses and sensible laws however, or indeed any much less squabbling over inanities. law that pertained to the country, were This allows them to quickly pass laws There once was a king who very much submerged by a sea of acts that had as in parliament – never mind that they enjoyed his reign. He got impunity their only purpose to take him out of are actively bad or useless for the coun- from the law, a different damsel in his legal troubles. Berlusconi is a man try, at least they are doing something his bedroom every night and no one with many ongoing trials against him, – the Italian public thinks. But the far could do anything about it, not even mainly concerning shady takeovers of more sinister option is that Italians, in complain. You could be forgiven to companies, illegal handling of wealth their hearts, want to be like Berlusconi. think that I’m talking about some feu- and suspect mafia connections. His They want to be charming, successful dal lord of the Middle Ages, but for first priority once in power has always men who accumulate masses of wealth the citizens of a certain country in been to protect himself and his friends and sleep with beautiful women, who southern Europe, this is reality. Wel- by decriminalising whatever they were only care for their own good and are come to Italy, where the third-richest accused of, by making them immune not afraid to resort to illegal means if it man holds the reins of power, the di- from the law and restricting the pow- makes them richer. They want to own rector of the foremost public news ers of the magistrates. His latest at- football clubs, evade taxes and pro- program refuses to air news criticis- tempt to make himself untouchable mote family values, despite sleeping ing him and five out of six television has been declared unconstitutional by with prostitutes. channels, the most used media by the the Italian Supreme Court: no more Maybe this has become a little more majority of Italians, are under control than a mere speed bump in his run, as of a rant than intended (although eve- of the government. he is already pushing another law that rything I’ve said is true; you can check Berlusconi represents the perfect would cause all the trials against him the work of many independent jour- politician, the union of resources, an to expire. nalists such as Travaglio and Santoro excellent understanding of what ap- The question is why the Italian pub- to prove this), and maybe you already peals to people and enough boldness lic keeps voting for him. One could knew all of this, or maybe you don’t to ignore reality. His control of the blame the media, which conveniently care about any of it. Probably what I’m media has allowed him to demonize hides or downplays all the ad person- trying to say is that if you think that his opponents and spread his slogan am laws, trumpets triumphantly any- this country’s got it bad, with neo- of “less taxes for everybody”, a strat- thing else he does and rabidly attacks Nazis on public television and hardly egy that has allowed him to get elected anyone who criticises him. One could any alternatives to the two very similar three times in the past twenty years. also blame the lack of alternatives, main parties, it could be worse. At least To his credit, he has kept that promise, as the Italian left is lethargic, divided you don’t come from a country where despite crippling the economy in order and trying to be too clever for its own people are at best blind, or in the worst to make up for the tax cuts that ben- good. The right-wing parties show case, tax evaders and Casanovas. Berlusconi with his new barbershop quartet: Obama, Medvedev and Hu Jintao 14 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 CULTURE & ArArtsts Editors Caz Knight, Rosie Milton & Lucy HarrHarroldold THE ARTS [email protected]

It takes more Godheads of the ‘60’s Caz Knight reviews a thematic NPG show of rock and roll stars than glitter he Sixties was one of the process of sliding down a playground the south bank with Big Ben a shadow most riotous, exciting and slide and the iconic Beatles-jumping- in the background are more intimate RRosieosie MiltonMilton Arts Editor revered (at least from a in-mid-air photograph leap out imme- offerings, as is Tom Blau’s black and hedonistic point of view) diately on account of their playfulness white triptych of John Lennon and decades of the century and sense of spontaneity. Jean Marie Yoko Ono going in for a kiss. his week at felix, the Arts gar Square, my co-editor Caz Knight Tgone by: it is hard to refute this fact le Perier also creates two atmospheric The gems of the collection only editors have decided to of- reviewed an exhibit currently show- especially when one can compare what and eye catching Beatles portraits: emerge in the later years of the decade, fer up to our reading public a ing at the National Portrait Gallery, has gone before with the time in which the four of them peering round their a sign of the more exciting approach new, regular feature: a listing ‘Beatles to Bowie’ – a fairly self-explan- the youth of today is growing up. The manager Brian Epstein’s red door and to photography (smearing Vaseline on ofT any art-related events that we think atory title. I would consider this a sec- world was shaking off the frugality the another where they stand huddled, the camera lens) but also, perhaps, of will satiate the culture-hungry of you ond part in Caz’s recent exploration of war had imposed and the progeny of the only light coming from matches the more exciting times when groups out there. So try to seek out what we list London retrospective music exhibits, the May 1945 celebrations were at the used to light their cigarettes, bringing such as the Jimi Hendrix Experience, and recommend. If there is anything which she thoroughly investigates for helm pioneering the expansion in mu- to mind the atmospheric lighting cre- Led Zeppelin and the Doors (surpris- you have seen recently, particularly our reading pleasure. sic, fashion and more. It is little won- ated in a renaissance painting. This ingly absent from this exhibition!) anything interesting, off-the-beaten- We are glad to say at Arts, we are der, then, that the National Portrait ‘old master’ effect is recreated later by were at the forefront of music and the track, do let us know! Any reviews will receiving articles regularly from con- Gallery, like many before it, has tried Gered Mankowitz in his portrait of the demure Fifties were a more distant be happily received and considered for tributors and will try and post them all. to capture this exuberance. Spencer David Group. memory. selection for future issues. Whatever we think is interesting and Beatles to Bowie travels chrono- By the time 1966 comes around it The baby boomers of the Forties On that note, this week Bernard written in a clear and concise manner logically, exploring the big bands, art- is obvious the curator, Terence Pep- were now all young adults, and with Pereira offers up a review of one of will be considered! ists, models and hangers-on of each per, has begun to try a bit harder. The such a high proportion of young peo- the National Gallery’s current exhib- Next week, Caz Knight and I will be year. Cabinets of ‘artefacts’ such as portraits now come with a soundtrack ple in the population it is not surpris- its, ‘The Sacred Made Real’. It brings attending the press launch of Damien magazine covers and record sleeves of Pink Floyd, the Rolling Stones and ing that the second half of the Sixties a much-welcomed antique element to Hirst’s new show at the Jay Jopling’s punctuate the portraits in an attempt the other usual suspects as well as became as exciting as it was. It may ex- our Arts pages this week, for it is my White Cube spaces in the West End to make the collection seem less like, some unsightly mannequins clothed plain the insipid, bland youth culture firm belief that historic art informs and East End. Hirst is an artist who, well, a one dimensional photograph. in the fashion of the day (mini dresses and music present today in a rapidly how artists create work today. That although his artworks do not always The first few years of the decade plod mainly). Here, not only does the mu- ageing population. is something you can also judge for agree with me, is certainly one who through the early years of pop music as sic get better but the photographs do But there was not just only music and yourself. crops up a lot in my critical thinking. we know it, filled with faces that few too, with a more portraits seeming less fashion, sex and acid during the Sixties Bringing us right up to today, I have He is an artist who has an impressive born after 1960 would remember and staged. (not for everyone, at least). There was made a brief review of ‘Pop Life: Art in command of the commercial art mar- far too many of a chipmunk-faced Cliff Thorgerson/Hipgnosis’ 1969 pho- also political unrest, war and famine a Material World’, currently on show at ket and never fails to fuel tabloid col- Richard. tograph of Pink Floyd (used for the and it would be naïve to only look at the Tate Modern. I feel this is an ex- umns (including these, of course!). So It is only after 1965 as the Beatles ‘Ummagumma’ album cover) is as off the music in isolation as contemporary hibit one needs to see in actuality to we shall be reporting back our opin- started gathering more and more mo- the wall as its subjects’ music. The times will always have effect on artistic fully gauge the ‘slap-in-the-face’ qual- ions of his return to painting after the mentum that the portraits become four band members are spread be- output in any given era. After having ity of most of the artworks. Although opening of the show next week. slightly more adventurous and it be- tween a room and the garden it leads been recently to the British Music Ex- I found it still quite socially and men- Next week, look out for a new feature comes harder to tell immediately they into, with the picture on the wall in perience, which successfully includes tally challenging, my article hopes to within these pages: ‘Why I Like ...’ – a were commissioned for the glossy pag- the foreground a near mirror image of music, paraphernalia and politics in express the tension between contem- specific focus on artists and other cul- es of a magazine or Sunday newspa- the scene we see, only the band have an immersive environment, Beatles porary and now what is also sliding tural figures who inspire us and why, per supplement, as many were. Fiona swapped positions and attire. Bob Dy- to Bowie seems haphazardly curated, into the historic, with this show. spearheaded by our co-editor Lucy Adam’s portrait of the four members lan trying on shoes in Carnaby Street making the decade seem hackneyed; a Moving back up the river to Trafal- Harrold. of Gerry and the Pacemakers in the and Donovan sat writing song lyrics on cliché of itself. Rosie Milton witnesses Pop Art’s final flails at the Tate

was sitting at home recently, lis- more crude and commercial side of tening absent-mindedly to the this artist, his ‘sell-out’ phase, where news, when I heard a report he would do a cheap deal on a double about a ‘controversial’ new exhib- portrait for any willing punter. Damien itI at the Tate Modern, which had with- Hirst makes an appearance – an artist drawn an artwork even before opening recognised for his sheer manipulative to the public. grip on the world art market, having It seems to be to be a rare thing these made over £112 million at a knock-out days to find an artwork that shocks and sale at Sotheby’s a year ago (even more appalls the public to the extent that it poignant being that he made this as- is removed. Saatchi’s collection of el- tronomical sum the same week the fall ephant poo canvases, blood heads and of Lehman brothers signaled our de- portrait of Myra Hindley composed of scent into economic crisis). Yet apart child handprints pushed the limits of from this market ‘phenomenon’, let us what viewers could stomach, but now call it, Hirst’s work is still considered that its ‘been done’, is considered blasé rather tame – not having the ‘shock’ by gallery-goers. However, in the case factor. We all saw his pickled shark at of the Tate Modern’s brashy new show the Saatchi gallery. ‘Pop Life: Art In A Material World’, it My point is this; that although many was not the clamouring public who of the artworks shocked even me, es- had Richard Prince’s photograph (of pecially Jeff Koons’ huge blown-up a photograph) of a pre-pubescent fantasy portraits of himself and porn- Brooke Shields posing, nude in her star La Cicciolina exposing orifice and bath, heavily made-up (need I go on?) member to all and sundry, these art- removed, but the Tate themselves ush- works are now nearly 30 years old! ered in the Metropolitan Police’s Ob- Does an exhibition such as Pop Life scene Publications Unit out of sheer act as a retrospective for the era of concern for ‘doing the right thing’. ‘look-at-me’ art? Are we entering a new The exhibit begins, naturally, by age of conservative art? Or will we be leaning heavily on Andy Warhol – the subjected to a new wave of sensibility- ‘father of Pop’. Yet it focuses on the insulting images and artworks? Untitled 2009 © Maurizio Cattelan. This artwork acutely embodies a well-known phrase relevent for this exhibit felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 15 [email protected] ARTS Celestial bodies, beatifically rendered Bernard Pereira reviews and critiques the National Gallery’s current display of Spanish sculptures and paintings

unctional art – that's probably ship and devotion: many were commis- in Spanish religious parades that are accessible to the illiterate as opposed sculptures was a highly-regarded art how one would describe the sioned by churches, monasteries and particularly prominent during Semana to being intellectually challenging. It in 17th-century Spain, and there were exhibition at the National Gal- religious orders, and most have never Santa, or Holy Week (the week lead- is as a result of this that the term ‘hy- strict guidelines present for completing lery's Sainsbury Wing, which travelled beyond the walls of these re- ing up to Easter). When these occur per-realism’ arose, and that Montañés’ the task. These included instructions currentlyF showcases a thoughtful se- ligious institutions before departing at night, the flickering candlelight and sculpture attempts to literally present on painting the flesh tones and on ob- lection of paintings and polychrome for central London. The short video the swaying pasos breathe life into the its subject. The realism becomes more taining realistic lighting perspectives, sculptures from 17th century Spain. that is part of the exhibition shows the wooden statues – the intention is, of prominent as you walk through the ex- as well as on techniques for decora- On display are works that were created use of the wooden sculptures of Bibli- course, to allow observers to connect hibition. The sculpture of the Head of tion and realistic representation. Ecce to, and in Spain continue to, aid wor- cal figures on pasos, large floats used with the higher power above. Saint John (c. 1625) by Juan de Mesa Homo (1621) sculpted by Fernández What place, then, does all this have was probably based on the head of an is a good example of this approach; its in largely secular London? Why has executed criminal, and the trachea, painter is unknown, but his broad blue the National Gallery chosen to display oesophagus and paraspinal muscles brushstrokes give the skin a bruised paintings of saints and sculptures of are clearly visible despite the bright red quality, and he has removed the Christ in dimly-lit rooms? In a nut- blood that covers the neck. The torn smooth layer from parts the sculpture shell, these sculptures and paintings skin and trickling blood on Christ’s to illustrate the flesh wounds. The fre- are just as significant in terms of art back in Pedro de Mena’s sculpture Ecce quent practice of painting sculptures as they are in terms of religion. They Homo (Christ as the Man of Sorrows; meant that actual painting its own represent a slice of culture and his- 1673) contributes to a graphic repre- right often attained sculptural proper- tory, but in the past, have only rarely sentation of Christ after his flagella- ties, such as in Francisco de Zurbarán’s been viewed from an aesthetic per- tion. The accuracy in the depiction is drawing of a Head of a Monk (1620- spective, despite the fact that some of extraordinary, to the point where the 30), in which the attention to shadow the most important artists of the time ribs of the lean torso are visible un- gives the monk’s praying face a real were involved in their creation. As a der the bruised skin. The exhibition’s spatial quality. Likewise, de Zurbarán’s matter of fact, the very first work one centrepiece, Dead Christ (1625-30), Christ on the Cross (1627) consists sees is a painting, by the famous Diego was sculpted by Greogria Fernández in of Christ hanging on the cross in the Velàzquez, of Juan Martínez Montañés order to allow the faithful to meditate middle of a totally black background in the act of sculpting (1635-36). Mon- on Christ’s death by his almost-naked – the work was painted to be hung in tañés was a popular sculptor in his corpse. In an attempt to shock the a specific location in a Spanish chapel, day, and left his mark on Spanish art viewer, Fernández went all out to make in which the light streaming in from by having a large influence on the next the corpse as realistic as possible: real the windows brought prominence to generation of sculptors. hair is used for the eyelashes and glass the work’s subject, and gave it a three- In the same room stands Montañés’s balls for the eyes; the teeth are made dimensional character. The Virgin of Immaculate Conception from ivory and the bark from a tree The attempted realism throughout is (c. 1628), a polychrome sculpture of was painted red to ensure that the con- something that cannot be missed, and the Virgin Mary that attempts to real- gealed blood had a convincing texture. a visit to the National Gallery is highly istically depict her as a young 13-year The perverse attention to detail is no recommended. It is by no means a old girl, as opposed to a some distant doubt gory, but the work commands ‘Christian’ exhibition; non-believers ecclesiastical being. Much of the ex- appreciation in an artistic sense, just as and people of other religions will find hibition shows art that was created it would have commanded devotion in that the works can be readily appreci- to revitalise Catholicism in light of the worshipper. ated as works of art, and that they pro- the Counter-Reformation, a period of The sculptures themselves would vide much insight into an age where Catholic revival triggered by the 16th- normally have been created by two dif- the Church had so much influence. century Council of Trent. As such, ferent parties: after the sculptor had That they were created primarily for the artists attempted to follow the finished sculpting the treated wood, a devotion cannot be denied, but this, Catholic Church’s recommendation specialist painter would take over to perhaps, makes for an all the more en- The Crucifixion, Francisco de Zurbarán, 1627. © The Art Institute of Chicago that religious art be made realistic and bring the work to life. Painting these gaging experience.

Listing of events, happenings, doings and things around the city for your interest

Mainstream Art Exhibitions More Quirky Goings On

Nothing Matters Wild Thing Nostalgia The Museum of Everything Damien Hirst Epstein, Gaudier-Brzeska and Gill Omer Fast Various Artists White Cube, 25-26 Mason’s Yard, Royal Academy of Arts, Piccadilly, London, South London Gallery, 65 Peckham Rd, The Museum of Everything, Corner of SW1Y 6BU W1J OBD London, SE5 8UH Regents Park Rd and Sharples Hall St, Nov 25-Jan 30 2010 / admission free Until Jan 24 2010 / £7 NUS/ISIC Until Sun Dec 6 / admission free NW1 8YL A show of Hirst’s paintings, this show An exhibition of sculpture from three of A futuristic vision of a dystopian Britain, Until Wed Dec 23 / admission free promises not to shy away from the most prolific sculptors of modern art possibly not one too far off to imagine, A quirky little ‘pop-up’ museum of controversy. history, this exhibit explores the is created by Fast in a film entitled over 200 works has appeared just off How the critics will find his hand at mechanics of Futurist sculpture and ‘Nostalgia’. The visuals of this artistic Primrose Hill to showcase a collection of painting is yet to be decided... more. film look enticing. Outsider Art.

Anish Kapoor Ghost Forest Shake It: An Instant History of Anish Kapoor Angela Palmer the Polaroid Royal Academy of Arts, Piccadilly, Trafalgar Square, London, WC2N 5DN Pump House Gallery, Battersea Park, London, W1J OBD Until Sun Nov 22 / admission free London, SW11 4NJ Until Fri Dec 11 / £8 NUS/ISIC Perhaps a more insightful visual warning Until Sun Dec 13 / admission free An exploding cannon of violently to us about the waste of Christmas, Sadly the death-knoll of one of the most bright red goo is generally the main Palmer’s giant dead tree stumps from the fabulous inventions of our time has attraction to this exhibit, but Kapoor rainforests of Ghana will be installed in sounded. The polaroid, with its instant has more to offer than just the purely Trafalgar Square for us all to consider. visual (and physical) gratificationis entertaining. celebrated here at this exhibit. Anish Kapoor, currently exhibiting at the Royal Academy. Vivid halls of red plastic material delight the viewer 16 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009

Music Editors: Alexandra Ashford, Kadhim Shubber & Luke TTurnerurner MUSIC Online Editor: Christopher WWalmsleyalmsley [email protected] www.felixmusic.tk

To rebel! That is the immediate objective of felix charts: Imperial’s poets favourite artists! LLukeuke TTurnerurner Music Editor felixmusicchart.tk his is for the beaten down, two books that inspired The Beat Gen- spontaneous souls that in- eration to spread. Jack Kerouac being 1. Biffy Clyro spired some of the best of the one who introduced the term Beat e’ve been on the hunt music… Beatniks. The Beat Generation. lately to find out what TGeneration was a group of American In the end music is a form of poetry, Imperial students really 2. Muse writers in the 1950s. They rejected with or without lyrics, and the Beat- listen to every day, and American values, society’s values and niks’ poetry was genius. It went against Wwe’ve found out! Apparently it’s Biffy lived the spontaneous life of doing conformity in a simple way, it was dif- Clyro, which is ok I guess - at least they 3. Radiohead whatever they wanted, whenever they ferent. Allen Ginsberg: “The only thing kept Muse from taking the top spot. wanted and liberating themselves. A that can save the world is the reclaim- The chart comes from the felix group life of non-conformity in order for ing of the awareness of the world. on last.fm (which can be found by us- 4. Jay-Z pure expression to be achieved. That’s what poetry does.” He really ing the above address, felixmusicchart. It’s pretty obvious the 1950s were believed in what he was saying. Once tk). If you join the group, it tracks what a serious turning point on the road The Beat Generation had grown roots, you listen to and then makes a chart 5. Kings of Leon that music was to take. At that time, they began to put their poems to mu- based on how many different people jazz and swing was breaking out of sic :soft, quiet, jazzy background ac- listened to a certain artist. So what are the previously ‘normal’ music style companiments to poems. Sometimes you waiting for? Go and get a last.fm 6. Sonic Youth and the Beat Generation had a lot to Beatnik music was stripped down to a account, download their iTunes scrob- do with that. Whether they knew the simple poem and beat. bler and join the group. We both know significance of their actions or not, this Whatever they did, they did well. that The xx should be number one so 7. The xx generation had set music down a road Having a big influence on rock and roll make your listens count! which would encounter The Beatles, of the 1960s until today- Bob Dylan be- Bob Dylan and The Doors. It can be ing one of the better-known Beatniks, 8. Yeah Yeah Yeahs said that Beatniks were a cause of the but others were members of the acid- hippie revolution (in my thinking, loving Merry Pranksters in the 1960s, we’re on the brink of another hippie which brought us The Grateful Dead. 9. Animal Collective movement. Anyone?). They were true Some inspired The Clash, The Doors, bohemians. The Rolling Stones and Lou Reed. The Jack Kerouac’s writings in ‘On The Beat seed had been planted and look at 10. Red Hot Chilli Peppers Road’ and Allen Ginsberg’s ‘Howl’ are the road it’s taken us on, not bad at all.

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199 ALBERTA CROSS NOTES FROM BROKEN SIDE OF UNDERGROUND REGARDS TODD TIME VICTORY AFTER MANY A BIG RIPPER Reviews ARK RECORDINGS RECORDINGS SUMMER ROUGH TRADE ALBUM ALBUM SINGLE ALBUM

This second album from Alberta Cross This album is full of catchy melodies This track commands attention from For some this will sound like the equiv- is overpowering. It is amazing, with and pleasant guitar sounds. But there’s the outset by the use of discorded gui- alent of musical diarrhoea. But for fans KID HARPOON ONCE brooding blues and the pure power of a huge contrast in styles throughout the tar arrangements, which remain effec- of lo-fi noise-rock in the vein of Times YOUNG TURKS emotion. The vocals being exceptional album, as if there was more than one tive until the vocals begin in the lazy, New Viking and Wavves, this is a glori- SINGLE in some parts and the music impas- band in here. The lyrics are try-hard slurring style so often adopted amongst ous piece of work. The third LP from sioned. This is beautiful rock, full of emo, and the sound never breaks out vocalists today. The layering of multi- this London-based band isn’t easy on soul, from a band that will undoubt- of being conventional. Not much that ple guitars on top of a simple yet thun- the ear, featuring heavily saturated This sentimental ballad would be very edly inspire many. - Luke Turner hasn’t been heard before. That said, it derous drum creates an atmosphere of guitars and incomprehensible scream- fitting in the middle of a dramatic does sound nice... - Luke Turner tension and urgency which is relieved ing. But there are inspired moments scene of Grey’s Anatomy, or another at the chorus. However, this musical throughout: flirting with doom-metal such TV series- it wouldn’t sound bad STRAIGHT LINES structure is used and reused soon be- and stoner-rock. On a whole, it’s an if a tactfully chosen snippet was to VERSUS THE coming very predictable; perhaps as abrasive, messy success. -Greg Power ALLEGIANCE play on-screen, but upon one full lis- XTRA MILE SPECTRUM  pop music should be. -Joanna Cai ten, the song surfaces full of dreamy, SINGLE SERAFIN EXTRA MILE soppy, “indie-folk” crooning. It was ALBUM TORI AMOS made to be background music: the THYRD EYE MIDWINTER SAY SOMETHING dynamics are flat, and even with high When this band was doing the Brit- GRACES UNIVERSAL LEVELSOUND strings trailing in and out on top of the ish thing of waiting in a queue to get They’re listed on their myspace as be- REPUBLIC EP simplistic piano motif, there is no real their name they were right at the back, ing rock/punk/alternative: isn’t every ALBUM assertive melody. Tom Hull’s voice is down the street, round the corner, band? (apart from the ridiculously pre- too weak to enhance this piece of mu- over the traffic lights, along the M4, on cise genres like “industrial four dimen- A Welsh “goth”-rock trio consisting sic, being quite nasal, and the instru- the Welsh border. Essentially they’re sional nerdcore!!!!”) This band whole- Billed as the first ‘seasonal album’, of two brothers on guitar/drums and mental ending is bland and stylistically not good enough to have a top quality heartedly lives up to its description if Midnight Graces contains reworked their sister Hannah on the bass. This unimpressive, wrapping up a song that name like I Hope You Like Your Soggy you think ‘rock’ means ‘Fallout Boy’; Christmas carols along with original 3-+track EP sounds like bland 90s alt- has been written following the ballad Sandwiches. They’re reminiscent of ‘punk’ means ‘Green Day’ and ‘alterna- music. A nice easy listen that should rock. “Say Something” is decent, main- formula, but lacking in true emotion. Lost Prophets; Visions being their tive’ means ‘Panic At The Motherfuck- appeal to most musical palettes. ly down to Hannah’s dreamy vocals - Joanna Cai most catchy song. -Tom Jennings ing Disco’. - Tom Jennings - Richard Waldie and a catchy chorus riff. - Greg Power felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 17 [email protected] MUSIC Live Christopher Walmsley Atlas Sound @ Cargo Christopher Walmsley gets cosy with Cox at Cargo

he lofty, skinny frame of construction Bradford makes for the personal. Lacking Noah Lennox (of Bradford Cox takes a seat in drums, prompting a child to take to the Panda Bear and Animal Collective) on front of a plethora of effects stage and gyrate an ‘interpretive dance’. ‘Walkabout’, the performance failed to pedals inside this intimate This sounds pretentious but I think it live up to the recorded standard, but Teast London venue. He’s just arrived was the son of a friend, and it certainly the catchy ‘Shelia’ sounded really good this morning, got no sleep on the plane was only intended to lighten the mood. and would be my pick for song of the and he shares with us that we should The cosy atmosphere inside Cargo night. not be alarmed if he has to urgently coupled with Bradford’s friendly nature This was a very impressive display of leave the stage. Turns out he gets the make tonight’s show feel like he was how complete a sound could be made shits when his sleeping patterns get just performing for friends in his front simply by one individual and the aid of fucked up. So it goes. room, although he points out that only a looping device Delicately noodling some guitar half of us would be able to fit inside riffs into his delay pedal, the ambient, his whole house. His dialogue with the swaying ‘Quick Canal’ quickly begins crowd, while at times treading in self- Atlas Sound to take shape, and he is joined on stage indulgent territory, demonstrates that Cargo by vocalist Laetitia Sadier, one of the he is here just to play songs. He enjoys 15th November guest collaborators on his new album not having to simply shift albums and ★★★★✩ ‘Logos’. When satisfied with his loop this makes the evening feel much more

Albums that you should know Modeselektor Gregory Power looks at modern classics that shaped music today ‘Happy Birthday’

t the turn of the Century, thrived through ever-changing acts acid rave party in Berlin, and they set BPitch Control a peculiar hybrid of elec- like Aphex Twin. out to make liberating music of their tronic music and hip-hop Parallel to all this commotion over own. 2007 appeared in techno clubs what the future of electronic mu- Throughout the next 15 years they whichA was later termed “glitch-hop”. sic should be named, the Berlin Wall pulled out sick tunes under various The movement was created by art- fell and all over Germany people got monikers, finally settling for the name ists who rejected the forward thinking krunkk to the sound of their new-found Modeselektor. In interviews, they de- of IDM (“Intelligent Dance Music”), freedom. scribe their music as “Happy metal, pioneers of the great Warp record la- Amidst a bustling electro scene, Ger- hard rap, country-ambient, Russian bel. Glitch-hop disappeared, and IDM not Bronsert met Sebastian Szary at an crunk”, and some douche from a Lon- collaborations with top artists. Every However, the highlights here are the don zine called them “bassbin-blowing track creates a mini-genre of its own, sinister hip-hop “Dark Side of the Sun”, techno hop dubstep core”, but there re- from the off-beat party electro of the featuring badass puppet-rap crew Pup- ally is no term to describe their won- title track, to the heavy ragga of “Let petmastaz, and their brooding collabo- derful mix of breakbeat, IDM and Your Love Grow”, and the old-school ration with über-fan Thom Yorke, “The Want to write about your favourite glitch-hop. beats of “Wedding Toccata Theme”. White Flash”. ‘Happy Birthday’, only their second “Black Block” and “Sucker Pin” man- The album is a flawless listen and full-length album, is their most am- age to incorporate elements of IDM more importantly, an essential record album? Email [email protected] bitious work yet, clocking in at over whilst remaining awesome dance for lovers of all types of electronic 70 minutes and featuring numerous tracks. music. :LISTINGS::LISTINGS::LISTINGS::LISTINGS:: LISTINGS:: Friday Saturday Monday Wednesday White Lies :: Brixton Academy :: Rise Against :: Brixton Academy :: Taylor Swift :: Wembley Arena :: The Antlers :: Bush Hall :: Folk Rock Alternative Rock Punk Rock Pop La Roux :: Shepherds Bush :: Indie Pop Jonas Brothers :: Wembley Arena Tower Of Power :: Matter :: Rodrigo y Gabriela :: Hammersmith The Butterfly Effect :: Islington :: Pop American Soul & Funk Apollo :: Folk Rock Academy :: Hard Rock Madeleine Peyroux :: Royal Will Young :: Hammersmith Apollo Snow Patrol :: Royal Albert Hall :: Filthy Dukes :: Dingwalls :: Synthpop Festival Hall :: Jazz Blues :: Pop Rock Gomez :: The Troxy :: Indie Rock Cleo Laine :: Royal Festival Hall :: Lisa Hannigan :: Royal Festival Hall Elliot Minor :: HMV Forum :: Pop Jazz :: Folk Thursday Rock Paloma Faith :: KOKO :: Pop Starfucker :: The Garage :: Garage Sunday Skunk Anansie :: Brixton Academy :: Brit Rock Rock Cluster :: Royal Festival Hall :: Tuesday Fucked Up :: Barfly :: Hard Punk The FM Flash :: Monto Water Rats German Experimental My Life Story :: KOKO :: Power Pop :: Prog Rock Blueneck :: The Dublin Castle :: The Specials :: Hammersmith Laura Gibson :: The Luminaire :: Blues Cosmo Jarvis :: The Watershed :: Ambient Apollo :: Ska Gun :: Islington Academy :: Hard Rock Pop Breed 77 :: The Garage :: Metal Canterbury :: Barfly :: Alternative Sister Ray :: The Underbelly :: Think In Oceans :: Roundhouse :: Rupa & The April Fishes :: Cargo :: Alternative Silent Films With Live Music Latin Folk Rock 18 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 Film Editors Zuzanna Blaszczak & Ed Knock FILM [email protected] Special effects & a whole load of clichés No point going green this week really, according to the latest Emmerich blockbuster film 2012 the fatal blow to our planet will be served by neutrinos and there’s nothing we can do about it. So sit back and watch with joy.

JJoshosh PearPear

It has to be said that the director, Ro- land Emmerich, has done a fantas- tic (albeit ridiculous) job of the latest Hollywood ‘end of the world’ movie. The stunning CGI and special effects pushed the estimated cost of the film to a cool £120M, and has already raked in £39M globally in its first week. That said, this is the director of Independ- ence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, and nobody would have expected him to be conservative in his budgeting. So, why are we all going to die this time? Well, to be brief, solar flares are bombarding the earth with neutrinos and are heating the earth’s core and ‘cement’ (as it’s described) by a mi- crowave effect. This cement no longer holds the tectonic plates in place, caus- ing massive earthquakes, movement and breaking up of land mass. I’m quite sure that there will be several physicists disputing the cause of the disasters. The all too familiar multiple narra- tive scenario from Emmerich presents the disasters from different people, who eventually connect, but the sto- ryline itself is simply awful. The entire This is only one of the hundreds of scences where CGI is implemented with a stunning effect. It’s a shame similar neat tricks can’t be used to write a screenplay. movie is basically a string of horrific disasters, one of which being Califor- nia disappearing into the sea. the budget spent on CGI. large jet to safety (take your pick from film; the noise he made had the whole ful, but is totally and utterly dwarfed Don’t get me wrong though, this You’re probably now wondering why any airplane disaster movie, how about theatre laughing at what was intended by the outstanding special effects, I movie is thoroughly entertaining on I think the storyline is terrible, the an- Air Force One?) and the underwater es- to be quite a sad moment! personally like the 1500m tsunami the basis of the jaw-dropping special swer is simple… cliché, cliché, and oh cape scene at the end. The list goes on The part of the film that I really like is hurtling over the Himalayas. There is effects. The first ten minutes or so of yes, a few more clichés. Examples of and on. after all the destruction and loss, there a scene, which you can watch online by the film are not particularly fast-paced, these would be the man who falls off Now back to the good parts. Yes, it’s is that ‘everything will be OK’ sense at typing ‘2012 scene’ into youtube. On until it suddenly jumps into the Cali- a cliff and everyone thinks he’s dead an end of the world disaster movie, but the end. All the characters seem to ig- that basis, I would recommend that fornia disaster. You will definitely sit until his hand appears from over the there are some laughs in there. Howev- nore the fact that nearly 6 billion peo- you should go and see it, even if it is there in awe of the collapsing skyscrap- edge (copied from Indiana Jones); or er, I’m not too sure they’re intentional. ple are dead. But this is fine, as they’re for a laugh. Had this film not devoted ers, and of the volcanic eruption of Yel- the man with a few hours’ flying expe- Look out for the Russian man falling heading for the new Africa. so much to the special effects, it would lowstone, hence the massive portion of rience who has to pilot a ridiculously down a precipice near the end of the Bottom line is, the storyline is dread- have had 1 star.

Their very own Personal Jesus...

MMatthewatthew CColvinolvin simultaneously pouring himself a glass of the Berlin Wall. Comedy is found of the people’s finest fermented pota- with the German family whose hobby toes. With a little effort I was able to is to re-enact music videos. The sight I like Depeche Mode. I don’t like snap out of this political thriller mind- of trumpeters performing a routine to drawing pictures imagining myself set and put my documentary hat on ‘Personal Jesus’ simply has to be seen married to the band members. Some (which I must admit, doesn’t happen to be believed. people like both. The Posters Came too often). What I found though, in These fans seem contented and de- From The Walls taught me this and a lieu of the usual multiplex releases that spite their struggles, political or oth- whole host of mainly bizarre Depeche I am so very fond of, was a truly genu- erwise, their association with the band Mode fan anecdotes, yet amongst the ine and, in some ways life affirming, has had a small negative and detrimen- weird and the peculiar on offer, I left documentary. tal impact. the screening with a much greater ad- While Depeche Mode is at the crux A fan even talks breathlessly and miration for fandom in general. The of the issues of the film, the true mes- with enthusiasm of a near riot in Los film is an interview-based documen- sage is that of the extremes of fandom Angeles. But then, I thought that this tary surrounding fans of Depeche and the positive and negative effects of was perhaps the point. An underlying Mode worldwide. Directors Nicho- it. Interviews are held with people who theme present through many of the las Abrahams and Jeremy Deller zip have in some way been significantly af- stories was the betterment of the peo- around the world as if it were a high fected by their love of Depeche Mode. ple concerned and the overcoming of octane action film. The types of their stories are bal- problems. People had been brought From Basildon to California to Saint anced fantastically throughout. High together and found purpose in their Petersburg, I often expected the next drama stems from the Russians who own lives through this joint love for shot to be of a bearded Russian gen- see the group’s music as a soundtrack music. you do find the opportunity to go and finitively eighties make up, but I will be eral urgently making a call, order- to the political upheaval that occurred The film goes on a very limited one- see it, take it. Next time I hear some reminded of how much of a difference ing the execution of some nefarious during the late eighties and early nine- day release on December 1st and will Depeche Mode, I won’t go to the ex- people can make when they are truly scheme surrounding the band, while ties – with a timely reminder of the fall be out on DVD in Spring 2010, but if treme of some fans and apply some de- inspired. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 19 [email protected] FILM Not worth staring at goats There’sTh nothing green here StefanStefan ZeemanZeeman

Soldiers who can kill a goat… with ZZuzannauzanna BBlaszczaklaszczak Film Editor mind bullets! Sounds brilliant, and a great concept brought to the big screen. Based on the book by Jon Ron- s you have probably no- way, if you’ve never tried writing in the son, the film follows a hapless jour- ticed by now, the film felix office you don’t know what ‘tough nalist and a ‘Jedi’ soldier on a mission section isn’t quite fol- environment’ means. Thus all you get through war-stricken Afghanistan… or lowing the ‘green’ theme this week from me is a pretty pointless something like that. this week. I could try ar- string of words. Ewan McGregor plays Robert ‘Bob’ Aguing that 2012 fits the bill of a movie To give some semblance of meaning Wilton who is a small-time journalist concerning climate change etc. but to this pitiful comment piece let me in a small-time world. Suddenly, his life seriously, we should all be pretty con- grab this opportunity to thank all the is torn apart when his wife leaves him fident that our beloved planet won’t contributors. I am extremely proud of for his one-armed boss, so he impul- be destroyed by neutrinos, we’’ll be a the film pages this year and I can’t even sively becomes a war correspondent in bit more responsible for the end of the try to fool myself that I’ve had anything Afghanistan. His stay is bleak until he world than that. With The Men who to do with that. No, Ed and I manage recognises the name of Lyn Cassady Stare at Goats and The Posters came to print pages full of great articles each (George Clooney) from a previous from the Walls, I have no chance what- week thanks to the students among interview. Cassady reveals himself as soever of finding any relevant themes. you who have the courage, drive, ego a level 3 psychic, who was previously So I simply have no choice but to come and the slightly masochistic streak that trained by the ‘First Earth Army’. The clean and say that despite Dan’s nu- makes you send in reviews week after desperate Wilton seeks refuge in the merous e-mails, I have forgotten about week after week. If you’ve not heard it embrace of the psychic, and they ven- the idea of a themed issue this week. from others, at least hear it from me: ture out into the desert to discover And being a bit lazy I have decided not thank you. You make my life so much their future, among other things. to write something on the spot. Any- easier. Throughout the film, Wilton nar- rates flashbacks of the story of First Earth Army. The founder of the unit is Bill Django (Jeff Bridges), who was 1...2...3..., when I reach 10 you will take of your shirt and make pig noises..4... converted into an easy going hippy after the Vietnam War. The team is Films you never grow tired of: trained by Django with several predict- and promoted peaceful methods of ing on command. McGregor acts a able, yet amusing moments. All is well war, including presenting lambs on standard McGregor role, and plays off until a new Jedi (Kevin Spacey) joins the battlefield to comfort the enemy. Clooney’s character well. the unit, and continues to betray the The ‘sparkly eyes’ method, which is The desolate surroundings of the Af- team in an attempt to gain greater psy- referenced in the film, was another key ghanistan deserts provide a great back- chic power and the unit is disbanded. weapon in their arsenal. drop for a pretty bleak film. There’s an The film is essentially a mish-mash of On screen, George Clooney is most uplifting soundtrack to back the film, past and present, which unfortunately often seen in a tuxedo with a quick and you’ll be left with Boston’s ‘More never gains any real momentum. Con- script and sharp wit, yet he seems at than a feeling’ ringing in your head sidering the film is marketed as a com- ease inhabiting Lyn’s quirky character. long after the film ends. edy, there are far too few good jokes, Clooney’s role is closer to his Oscar Unfortunately, there is little structure and it could be so much funnier. winning performance in Syriana, than to the storyline, and the viewer is left The film is in fact based upon many any previous rom-com charmer but stranded in the crossfire of a misfiring shocking truths. The First Earth Bat- his rugged looks in the film are surely plot with little going on. Even the great talion existed after the Vietnam War, bound to keep the housewives swoon- cast cannot save the film from tedium.

CCharlotteharlotte IvinsonIvinson born, and the first ‘alternative’ film Depp acted in. The entire film feels like it has been shot inside a snow globe Once, there was a lonely old inventor containing a generic 1960’s Floridian who decided to make a man. He called suburbia, with identical, Monopoly- him Edward. He gave him eyes, a brain, like houses and cars, perfectly mani- and a heart. But the inventor died be- cured lawns and a chorus of gleefully fore he could finish him, leaving him tacky gossipy suburban stereotypes with scissors for hands. Years pass, and providing the perfect backdrop for Ed- the first point of contact Edward has ward’s complete otherness. with the outside world is… his local Innocent and child-like, all Edward Avon lady. wants is to fit in with the unexpected This beautifully quirky fairytale, world he has found himself in, which is concocted by Tim Burton when he met with consequences, at times both was still in school, is stunning in every tragic and hilarious. way, with the attention to artistic detail The story is charmingly adorable in Tim Burton is renowned for, and a glit- places, and does have romantic ele- teringly ethereal soundtrack. Filmed ments, but its originality and quirky in 1990, this was the groundbreaking artiness keep it well out of the ‘girly’ film on which the magical partnership box. A perfect film for a winter’s night of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp was in. GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN W felix FRIDAY2009 02 OCTOBER GREEN 2009 WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEA [email protected] 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEKNEWS 20 GREEN WEEK 20 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREENwaste WEEK 2009 GREEN WE 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 fisher GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WE 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WE 2009 GREEN WEEK GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK WEEK2009 GREEN 2009 GR W landfill GR WEEK 2009 clothing 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GR WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN W GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 nuclear GREEN WEEK GREEN WEEK 2009 GREENprotest WEEK 2009 GREEN W 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 bioen GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 fuel GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEE WEEK 2009 GREEN WEE GREEN WEEK 2009 GREENEnergy WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 imperialcollegeGREENunion WEEK.org/green 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREE 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 carbon GREEN WEEK 2009 GREE WEEK 2009 recyclin 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009WEEK GREEN 2009 WEEK 200 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN W felix FRIDAY2009 02 OCTOBER GREEN 2009 WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEA [email protected] 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEKNEWS 20 GREEN WEEK 20 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREENwaste WEEK 2009 GREEN WE 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 fisher GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WE 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WE 2009 GREEN WEEK GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK WEEK2009 GREEN 2009 GR W landfill GR WEEK 2009 clothing 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GR WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN W GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 nuclear GREEN WEEK GREEN WEEK 2009 GREENprotest WEEK 2009 GREEN W 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 bioen GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 fuel GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEE WEEK 2009 GREEN WEE GREEN WEEK 2009 GREENEnergy WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 imperialcollegeGREENunion WEEK.org/green 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREE 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009 carbon GREEN WEEK 2009 GREE WEEK 2009 recyclin 2009 GREEN WEEK 2009WEEK GREEN 2009 WEEK 200 22 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 GrGreeneen Editor Hannah TheodorouTheodorou GREEN [email protected]

Sign up to 10:10 this Green Week Green Week 2009 and do your bit to save the planet HHannahannah TTheodorouheodorou knowing that moving the Green agen- Imperial, but I can do it happily know- da forward under his reign would be a ing that we’ve got the ball rolling and This year at Imperial we’re hop- and universities, we’ll be back- tall challenge. you’ll all be taking over the helm. I ing to take the first step towards ing each other up as we take ince setting up Imperial’s first However, since then we’ve done hope many of you will find something a better, happier, healthier fu- the first steps on the road to Green Week in 2006, I have some remarkable and encouraging to take part in during the week and it’ll ture. If we decide not to, we becoming a zero-carbon soci- seen real highs and lows in things. This will be Imperial’s 4th inspire you to put on something even know what a future with climate ety. It’s easy to feel powerless in Imperial’s long journey on Green Week. 1300 of you signed a pe- bigger and better next year! change will bring and none the face of a huge problem like the road to sustainability. I tition encouraging the Union to intro- This year we’ll be focusing on sign- of us want that. Carbon is the climate change, but by uniting can’tS help feeling as I write this that I duce a comprehensive environmental ing up students to the national 10:10 problem and starting to cut our everyone behind immediate, would have given up a long time ago if policy (which it did in 2007). We’ve campaign (more info on www.1010uk. carbon is the first step of the so- effective and achievable action, it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve noticed a marched, we’ve recycled, we’ve cam- org) so come and visit us in the Sher- lution. That’s why we’re asking 10:10 enables all of us to make stirring, a seismic shift almost, in Im- paigned, we’ve switched off and above field Foyer. everyone to make a simple 10% a meaningful difference. perial’s attitude towards its impact on all we’ve had fun. We even painted the After Green Week, on the 5th of cut in their carbon over the next 10:10 is the perfect oppor- the environment. I remember sitting in Rector green, in way or another. December we’ll be joining the masses year. We’re on board, are you? tunity to discover what’s pos- a Q&A session with the then-Rector, I certainly haven’t done it on my marching in London to call on world By signing up to a 10% target sible when we work together Richard Sykes, who assured me he own- there has been an amazing dedi- leaders to take action on Climate we’re not just supporting 10:10 and we’ll be signing people up wasn’t the bad guy. After all, he “didn’t cated group of people who have been Change. – we’re making it happen. In to 10:10 in the Sherfield Foy- leave the tap running when he brushed instrumental in this change, both from For more information about this and our homes, in our workplaces, er (walkway level) every day his teeth”. I left the room feeling a mix- the student body and College staff. all the other events visit www.imperi- our schools and our hospitals, throughout Green Week. Come ture of frustration and disappointment, Soon it’ll be my time to move on from alcollegeunion.org/green our galleries and football clubs along and sign up!

Tuesday: A Time Wednesday: Comes 12.30, dB’s Dig for Victory

The Kingsnorth Six made history 12.00, Prince’s last year: accused of causing £30,000 of criminal damage to Kingsnorth power station, their defence of “law- Gate Gardens ful excuse”was accepted by the jury - because they were acting to safeguard Take a break on Wednesday afternoon property around the world “in imme- to have a tour of the Environmental diate need of protection” from the im- Society’s Wildlife Garden located in pacts of climate change, caused in part Prince’s Gate Gardens. We’ll be pro- by burning coal. viding you with all the tools and items Inspired by their story internation- required to pot up your own herbs to ally acclaimed director, Nick Broom- take home, or you can even have a go field has just completed a 20 minute at a spot of digging! film celebrating the spirit of direct ac- Make your own way there by going tion. The film tells the story activists to Weeks Hall in Prince’s Gardens and who scaled the 220m chimney at a coal going through the gate to the right of it fired power station and the landmark (you’ll need your swipe card for access). case with supporting testimony by the Follow the path to the next gate which world’s leading climate scientist, Dr leads into Prince’s Gate Gardens. The James Hansen of NASA. Come along Environmental Society’s Wildlife Gar- this lunchtime to hear their story with den is the fenced-off garden at the back a pint in hand! and there will be people there to greet you.

Erica Thompson’s top 10 tips for beating green-fatigue!

You might be feeling a bit de- 1. I don’t fly. I don’t have fam- range of vegetarian options is pret- promised to investigate her party’s possible. I recently discov- pressed. I am. The world econ- ily abroad and therefore I have ty good. I never buy meat, and I policy on oil depletion for me. ered celeriac, a British vegeta- omy is faltering, the climate looks no need to fly at all. My research don’t eat it except at special events. 5. I talk about climate change, ble I had never heard of but set to change beyond recogni- (climate modelling) does not in- I also recently switched dairy milk energy policy and resource deple- tastes amazing! tion, resource depletion may pre- volve field trips and I can attend for soya milk (avoiding rainforest- tion at any opportunity (contact me 9. I don’t buy things I don’t vent us from taking the strongest conferences in the UK and Eu- destroying brands), and was sur- on [email protected] need. I am on my second actions that are needed for a tran- rope by train. Incidentally, I’m prised at how nice it is! if youwant to join the discussion). mobile phone as the first one sition to a low-carbon economy... going cross-country skiing in 3. I switched my electricity sup- 6. I have joined my local Transi- only lasted six years. I mend and it’s all a bit overwhelming. Germany at New Year. Not flying plier to one which provides “100% tion Town (Google it). my favourite clothes instead What on earth can we possibly does not mean giving up your renewable electricity” (greenwash 7. I have joined my local Friends of chucking them out. I’ll take hope to do about it? holidays, as some hysterical - they get paid to do this anyway) of the Earth group, who campaign the tap water over the plastic- So I thought I would share with complainants would have you AND also tears up the “renewable to the local council to Get Serious bottled fizzy brown sugar wa- you some of the things that I am believe. But blowing your entire obligation certificates” (ROCs) that on CO2. ter with phosphoric acid any doing to make the transition less yearly global fair share of carbon it receives for doing so. This does 8. I try to buy local, seasonal day painful, firstly to show that it is emissions on an unnecessary re- increase the amount of installe- fruit and vegetables. That doesn’t 10. I think about the future possible to do these and still lead turn flight seems pretty crazy. drenewable supply in the UK. mean going OTT and living on cab- could be like. I will be 65 in a relatively normal life, andsec- 2. I am nearly a vegetarian. 4. I went to see my MP (Justine bage for the whole winter, it just 2050. It’s important to me that ondly in the hope that you may be Actually, I’ve been pretty close Greening, Conservative, Putney) means checking labels, not buying we get there safely, and I am inspired to take up some of these to it for years as I can never be about resource depletion and the fresh produce from outside Europe voting with my feet what sort personal changes yourself. bothered to cook meat, and the coming UK energy crisis. She has and choosing UK stuff whenever of future I want to have. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 23 [email protected] GREEN Meat free Monday

While there are pros and cons to the emissions and is better for your health Thursday: Green Fair 11am-3pm, Great Hall meat industry, there’s no denying that too! most of us probably eat too much meat. Imperial’s Queen’s Tower Room and Exhibitors invited include: Whether you decide to go the full-slog Senior Common Room will be going • WRAP – www.wrap.org.uk - the organisation that helps individuals, businesses and local au- and turn vegan, or make the choice to vegetarian for one day in Green Week thorities to reduce waste and recycle more, making better use of resources and helping tackle only eat organic, locally-sourced meat to highlight that meat-free meals can climate change we can make a difference to the envi- be delicious and nutritious. There will • Connect – www.connectbyhertz - bringing the freedom of driving a car without owning one! ronment with our eating habits. also be free recipe cards for you to try • Veolia Environmental Services www.veoliaenvironmentalservices.co.uk - who offer a range of Meat Free Monday is a national cam- your own hand at some vegetarian waste management services from refuse collection to material handling equipment - this is the paign to encourage us to cut meat out meals at home. contractor that remove college waste via Westminster Council from our diet for one day of the week. For more information visit www. • IMC – www.imco.co.uk - the Imperial Machine Company Ltd who are due to install the college’s Simply doing this one action will result meatfreemondays.co.uk first food composter next month. They will be providing a demonstration as to how this system in a significant cut in greenhouse gas works • eSoc- The Union’s Environmental Societyetty • Foodworks – www.foodworksuk.org – a pprojectrorojeecctt ofof thetht e CeCentreentntrere ffororor IIn-n-n- novation in Voluntary Action (CIVA) • OPAL - A volunteer-led soil-sampling researcheses ara chch pprojectroojeectc bbasedaseded aatt ImIIm-m- perial College. Come along to get your oownwnwn Monday: End of the Line soil-sampling kit • ETHOS – www.ethosrecycling.co.uk - show-howow- ing how energy can be made from waste!te!e screening 12.30, SAF G16 • MIDEX – www.midex-rt.com - the specialistiaialilistst Thursday: Flash Mob 13.00, contractors who reprocess end of life WEWWEEEEEEEE (Waste Electronic Electrical Equipment) anaandd Upper Dalby Court The End of the Line, the first ver as he confronts politicians computers, currently dealing with wastete atat major feature documentary film and celebrity restaurateurs, Imperial Gather on Upper Dalby Court (out- revealing the impact of over- who exhibit little regard for the • TFL - www.tfl.gov.uk - Transport for Londonndodon side the Faculty Building to be- fishing on our oceans is being damage they are doing to the • VegSoc - The Union’s vegetable apprecia-ece iaia- come part of the human 10:00 shown on campus as part of oceans. tion society logo. Pose for a photo and Green Week. One of his allies is the former • Facilities Management - www.imperial.erir alal. then you’re free to disperse! In the film we see firsthand the tuna farmer turned whistle- ac.uk/facilitiesmanagement The more people, the effects of our global love affair blower Roberto Mielgo on the merrier... with fish as food. It examines trail of those destroying the the imminent extinction of blue- world’s magnificent bluefin tuna fin tuna, brought on by increas- population. ing western demand for sushi; Filmed across the world from Thursday: Reasons to be cheerfulerful - - P Paulaul d dee Z Zylva,ylva, the impact on marine life result- the Straits of Gibraltar to the UK 17:00, 220 Mech Eng ing in huge overpopulation of coasts of Senegal and Alaska to + Head of Friends of the Earth UK 17:00, 220 Mech Eng jellyfish; and the profound im- the Tokyo fish market featuring plications of a future world with top scientists, indigenous fish- no fish that would bring certain ermen and fisheries enforce- mass starvation. ment officials, The End of the Filmed over two years, The Line is a wake-up call to the End of the Line follows the in- world. Make do and mend vestigative reporter Charles Clo-

Most of us buy clothes without a sec- ond thought. Fashion these days is Friday: Imperial’s Swap Shop 17.00, dB’s, ICU seen as disposable, and the recession has only increased the number of trips Tired of your old clothes? Don’t wardrobe! to cheap clothing stores to find bar- throw them away just yet! TRAID will be on hand all day gains. With the ice caps melting, wild- Bring them to Union reception from 12.00 to inspire and assist life dying out, pollution increasing, (Mezzanine Level in Beit Quad) you with ideas of how to cus- and the rainforests being cut down, and we’ll give you a token for tomise your own clothes and clothing seems low down on the list of each item to use at our swap your newly-aquired items. For environmental priorities, but choosing shop on Friday. Simply turn up, more information about TRAID what clothes you buy and where you take your pick and add to your visit www.traid.org.uk buy them takes hardly any effort and can have a big impact on the lives of many people and animals. After all, the clothing companies will produce what- wearing your favourite hat of Sumatran that it’s very difficult to avoid them al- ever sells well, and if that happens to tiger fur, but is there much difference together, but you can ensure that they be ethically laudable, then that’s what between leather from farmed cattle do not make up the bulk of your cloth- Monday: Climate and Health will start being sold. So where should and fur from farmed mink? The leath- ing. Fabrics made from plant fibres you start? er is sometimes seen as a by-product avoid most ethical problems, and cot- First of all is the human cost. Many of the meat industry, but a demand is ton and linen are the two main fabrics talk 18.00, SAF G16 stores keep their prices down by us- still being created which contributes to made from plant fibres. But even here, ing sweatshop labour, often under- the need for farming. If you are going more pesticides are used on cotton paid and using children as part of the to buy clothes made from animal skins, than on any other single crop. Look for There is a growing consensus oil investment that have halted workforce in countries where employ- at least ensure that they come from clothing that is labelled as being made amongst medical professionals progress for tough action on cli- ment legislation is lax or unenforced. sustainable, farmed sources. Wools are from organic cotton, which avoids that Climate Change will be one mate change. Although climate Stores which ensure that their clothes a whole different area, as farmed sheep these problems. A range of cellulose of the biggest threats to global change will affect rich and poor, are made by properly paid and legal need to be shorn of their wool each fabrics made from trees also exist: Ray- health. We have already seen it is the nations least responsi- workforces will advertise the fact, and year, although vegans object to this on, Modal and Viscose are made from a significant increases in glo- ble that will suffer the most. consumer information about clothing on the grounds that the sheep are still wood chips that are cooked and spun bal disasters resulting in cata- Come along on Monday to lis- brands that fail to follow ethical stand- being farmed and exploited. Some ve- into silk- or cotton-like fabrics, but this strophic loss of life. ten to Dr Robin Stott from the ards is easy to find from a simple web gans even object to silk, although most then contributes to deforestation. 50 years ago the health pro- Climate and Health Council give search. people remain unmoved by the fate of The most ethically sound materials, fession mounted a fierce cam- his views on why health profes- After ensuring ethical standards for moth larvae. however, are recycled ones. The easi- paign against tobacco smok- sionals must act now and take the clothing makers, then comes the Many clothes, especially the cheap- est way to recycle clothing is simply to ing, despite strong opposition part in the discussion on how problem of deciding what standards to est ones are made out of man-made donate to charity shops, or put your from the tobacco industry. Once we can play our part. apply to the materials that make up the fibres. Polyester clothing, trainers, and unwanted clothes in clothes banks so again, it’s vested interests in clothes. Few of us would buy clothing many others, are all made from non- that the clothing is kept in circulation, made from fur, and it’s unlikely you’ve biodegradable oil products. Man-made and not simply thrown away when it read this far into this article if you’re fibres are present in so many clothes still has wear left in it. 24 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 GrGreeneen Editor Hannah TheodorouTheodorou GREEN [email protected] Go, go Eco-Power Rangers! Banning the Bulb? Imperial’s Halls of Residences are going head to head in a blood- As EU ban comes into force we are forced thirsty battle to reduce their carbon emissions to reconsider using CFLs

AAndyndy HixHix Student Swtich-Off DDavidavid SSharpharp Green Reporter I would recommend giving the old CFL a second chance. Get one manu- factured by a recognised brand; slightly Over 300 students in halls of resi- As we are all no doubt aware the gov- higher ‘equivalent’ rating then your in- dence at Imperial have pledged to do ernment it trying to take away all our candescent and try to have a look at to their bit to tackle climate change by incandescent bulbs, starting with vol- the different colours and shapes to find becoming an Eco-Power Ranger! But untary bans by some suppliers tar- what you like- it’s a way of avoiding dis- rather than running around in spandex geted mainly 100W and higher as well appointment! Some stores will let you tackling rubber villains, these students as frosted, but with an aim to remove try out the bulbs; most super markets will be taking small actions to save en- them all. In the UK it is expected that will not. If you think the government ergy – like switching off lights and ap- 5 - 25 million tonne of carbon dioxide have gone too far with incandescent pliances and putting a lid on the pan a year could be saved from the reduced lamps be warned that halogen lamps when cooking. energy consumption by switching over and high power torchieres are next! This is part of a national Student from incandescent lighting. Switch Off campaign that is running in The EU ban is by no means revo- Lighting the future halls of residence over the whole aca- lutionary. Cuba was the first nation demic year. The campaign, run in asso- to put a ban on incandescent bulbs LED technology it certainly going to ciation with the NUS and WWF, gets in 2005/2006 in favour of fluorescent be a more and more common feature halls of residence to compete against lighting. The motivation behind this in lighting and we are not just talking each other to save energy. The hall that was to reduce the load on the national bike lights and screens, but industri- saves the most energy per person at the grid and prevent black outs that had ally buy tomato farmers in Canada and end of the year on gets a big party for been affecting the island. Ten other powerfully in the new-year ball in time their whole hall. Caribbean countries and Venezuela square, LED technology has improved As well as the communal incentive have since instigated similar policies. dramatically and continues to do so for the winning hall, individuals who Australia was the first nation to ini- and unlike most other technologies are have signed up as Eco-Power Rangers do the right thing in so many ways so To become an Eco-Power Ranger tiate a ban of incandescent lights with no where near their theoretical limit of can also win prizes such as Ben & Jer- SWITCH OFF!’ and maximise your chances of winning purely environmental motives. With efficiency. Before you encourage Im- ry’s ice cream, tickets to London clubs, Last year the campaign saved almost some of these great prizes either join the warm climate of the country it was perial to replace all the lighting with as well as energy-saving gadgets. These ten per cent of the energy used in halls the Facebook group Imperial College seen as wasteful for the heat from in- supper efficient LED’s (you can get prizes can be won by posting energy- across eleven universities. This year Eco-Power Rangers or e-mail ecopow- candescent bulbs to add to the electri- LED arrays to replace, and look like, saving pictures on the “Imperial Col- 10,000 students across the country [email protected]. cal load required for air conditioning. fluorescent tubes) there is that issue of lege Eco-Power Rangers” Facebook have signed up, so the savings will be Remember you don’t have to be in the The Environment minister predicted a cost, which makes these currently un- group. much bigger. participating halls to take part- every- 4 million tonne reduction in the coun- suitable except in very low heat/ power Photo competition winner Daniel At Imperial this scheme is being pi- one is in with a chance to win prizes! try’s 513 million tonnes of national applications. Jackson commented, ‘Climate Change loted at Southside, Weeks & Garden ‘Hybrid systems’ is a popular ‘solu- and Global Warming are no longer and Evelyn Gardens which represents For further information contact Andy tion’ in most industries but what does theories, but facts. Student Switch 1,096 students and if successful will be Hix on [email protected], it mean for lighting? We are not talk- Off is a great way to get involved and rolled out to other halls next year. 020 8287 0227 or 07734 965465 ing a sky light and a dimmer switch, although that works well (if you get the correct type of dimmer switch for your florescent lamp). But the a full spec- trum hybrid lighting system as pro- Erica Thompson ponders ‘sustainability’ posed by the Solar Energy Laboratory, University of Wisconsin-Madison, The adjective “sustainable” seems to be very trendy these days. Sustainable development, sustainable holidays, where you collect solar light separate sustainable tinned tomatoes - you name it, and the green PR machine will sell it to you, probably at a premium to the the IR out for water heating or ther- nasty “unsustainable” stuff on the opposite shelf. So you assuage your slightly doubtful guilt by buying “sustainable” mal photovoltaic and run the visible products and forget all about it - you’re doing your bit, right? around the building with fibre optics To answer that, you have to go back to what “sustainable” actually means. The opposite of sustainable is “unsus- to produce a natural lighting that has tainable”, meaning “not able to be sustained”. If you keep doing something which is unsustainable, you will eventually Banished to the archives soon? no heat attached to fight with the air reach a point where it cannotcontinue, due to physical limits. conditioning. Nice when your office If we wish our civilisation to continue on this planet indefinitely, then we must live sustainably - by definition. If we is in Hawaii not the best solution for don’t live sustainably, then our civilisation cannot continue on this planet indefinitely - by definition. green house gas emissions by 2012 as frost bitten student accommodation in It’s pretty clear that if we have a finite amount of some resource, and we use it up at any rate other than zero, then we well as cutting domestic electrical bills London and starting at $4K it will take are living unsustainably. On this planet we have a finite amount of oil, coal, natural gas, water in aquifers, diamonds, by 66%. Due to the specialisation in in- some time to see the investment paid uranium, gold, selenium, etc. The only sustainable net rate of consumption of these resources is zero, and in order to candescent technology use this is not off (about 10 years in Hawaii). avoid crashing into that brick wall of depletion we must either drastically downscale or shift to reliance on renewable a blanket ban but will have exceptions If you like try something different resources within a couple of decades. Think about the consequences that has for our economy. such as oven lights and for medical there are other technologies out their We also have a finite atmosphere. The effects of splurging vast quantities of CO2 into it are becoming more appar- uses. like the “Electron Stimulated Lumines- ent by the day. The only sustainable net rate of production of CO2 is zero, and in order to avoid catastrophic climate CFLs have been shown to have lower cence” by Vu1 who claim to be sitting change, accompanied by mass starvation and migration, we must drastically cut emissions within a couple of decades. cradle to grave CO2 emissions and well on lighting technology that is cheaper Think about the consequences that has for our economy. as cost. Yet in Europe the ban has been then CFL and more efficient then So a sustainable economy is necessary, but it is possible? Is it possible that within our lifetimes we can re-gear the met with much opposition. Mostly this halogens. This could be an enlighten- entire human way of life so that we really are acting sustainably? comes from European countries which ing solution to our energy problems I think it is, but it will be a huge challenge. For centuries we have squandered our most precious energy resource have driven to use CFL in the last dec- or simply the next carbon arc lamp. - oil - on luxuries for the rich rather than on the basic needs of the poor. We have invested overwhelmingly in cars, ade when the technology was much Aesthetically and functionally they are fossil fuels and big industry instead of bicycles, renewables and social projects. The lip service fashionably paid to less mature. Because of the initial fail- similar to incandescent but they are “being green” has not reduced our emissions - instead, it has created a generation of brainwashed, greenwashed, ure excuses are made for not attempt- still less efficient than the CFL. “eco-friendly consumers” who truly and with the best of intentions think that offsetting the emissions of their flight to ing to give these lights a second go. And for those who still think LED’s South Africa make it sustainable and that buying Kenyan green beans benefits the local economy! This is not helped by companies such kill the batteries too fast on your bike There are only a few short years to act on these problems. Sustainability cannot continue to be a marketing tag - it as EDF giving free ultra poor quality light you could always try a USAF nu- must become a way of life if we are to survive. Physical limits are not subject to international negotiation; they will low wattage light bulbs when trying clear powered torch; guaranteed dura- not come up trumps with “bail-outs” for damaged ecosystems or new fossil fuels for countries who cannot wean to be ‘green’. Or the bulbs themselves bility and long life. themselves off it. We, the scientists and engineers of Imperial College, are some of the best-placed people to bring down matched in stores (80W equiva- So as you toss the refined curves about these urgent and necessary changes in the way the world produces anduses energy. We must walk the walk as lent lamp gives out less then equivalent of the incandescent bulb in the bin, well as talking the talk. In our own lifetimes it will become clear whether we have succeeded or failed - this is a heavy the 80W of light, a policy aimed to try what you replace it with need not be responsibility. and get people to use lower lighting sterile or inferior but should be more levels and so less power). efficient. BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Friday 20 November 20:00-02:00

Friday 27 November 22:00 – 02:00 26 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 TTravelravel Editors Dylan LoweLowe & Olivia DaviesDavies TRAVEL [email protected] Recollections of an eco-tourist So what is eco-tourism? Rummaging through his memory bank for the more eco-tastic moments, Dylan Lowe presents the enlightening instants of his travels, and explains his stance on the new trend of ‘green travelling’

ondon. Institute of Education. Basement dance studio. Sat- urday morning on which my logic would have instructed me to stay in bed. In its stead LI dragged myself to Warren Street to feed my morals by attending Power Shift, a youth climate change conference over the course of the weekend. Sheepishly following the schedule I found myself in the room, storeys below the grievances of gloom and rain, found a seat and saw the workshop convene. In our circles, we took turns to present our story of ‘me’, an exercise on engaging and inspiring people on a personal level to become more aware of the environ- ment and effects of climate change. It was my go. And so I told them, from the memoirs and diaries I had main- visitors, generating local revenue and eco-initiative? thought as the Fijian kicked the shark their century-old coexistence with their tained within my head, the events and en- career opportunities in the meantime, I was baffled by his insights. But then in the head. I boarded the boat, rejected environment, that they have corrupted counters that shaped the eco-initiatives where is the balance? I was too ignorant, and indeed selfish, an invitation to snorkel again and sat in their ideals upon the introduction of that defined my ethics and beliefs. The thought persisted throughout din- to even spare a thought on whether it is silent protest. Of course, I couldn’t have ours. ner, when I had encountered an equally alright or not to ‘erase’ one’s footprints raised my voice and questioned their Fundamentally, as much labelling as avid traveller at the dining table. Over the by performing self-righteous acts of re- modus operandi: not whilst giddy on one utilises – voluntary work, conserva- The lone kayak was hovering adrift, oars immaculately prepared roast beef joint, demption. No, the guilt wasn’t sufficient the choppy return journey or during the tion projects – ‘eco-tourism’ simply can- extracted from the clear waters and its he recounted his own experience of visit- to distract my intention to burn off my evening kava session, treated as a guest in not exist unless the self-proclaimed ‘eco- rider reclined, head held high, silent in ing the Galapagos Islands. Similar to New three helpings of roast beef with an the local village. I couldn’t have so rudely tourists’ have a genuine desire to connect admiration of the mighty glacial archi- Zealand, a place he came to adore, Dar- evening swim. deprived the other resort guests of what with nature. tecture. The eyes were shut for a brief mo- win’s very own fountain of revolutionary * entertainment they deemed appropriate * ment, to give room to that bone-crushing ideas was on the verge of losing the bal- The guilt level could easily rise above – evidently so as they were happily snap- The inhabitants of Tanna live out their crackle as gallons of droplets glided down ance and will soon succumb to the effects the thatched bure and corrupt the ping away as the sharks wrestled for their lives in the very bosom of nature. It is the cascades. Then, as vision rebounded, excessive tourism. stratosphere. survival – nor could I have risked offend- impossible to think otherwise when the the discovery of the perfect synchronic- This is, he argued, the most funda- I would walk away from the scene, dis- ing my hosts. Though, as I spotted the of- largest banyan tree – arguably the largest ity between hearing and sight, between mental question of what he described gusted with any affiliation I had with the fenders of hideous animal cruelty across organism – resides on the pacific island, sounds and landscape. as ‘eco-tourism’: should one contribute atrocities conducted without a hint of the grog matt, I found it hard to stomach explosion of lava quaking everything I wouldn’t have wished for a better, or to the wildlife’s downfall by visiting and remorse traceable on the Fijians’ faces. my discontent. under the volcano’s feet in ten-minute indeed different, way to explore Milford appreciating its magnificence in person, Well, walking away was out of the ques- Perhaps, from hindsight, I should have intervals, primary mode of transport on Sound, the famed fjord that deservedly or should one seek to preserve and ac- tion – unless I had enough vigour re- mentioned something. horseback, kastom dances and chants the maintains a spot as the most-visited tour- knowledge it by limiting one’s travels and maining to allow me to swim a distance Eco-tourism has achieved a commer- means of praising nature, and practices of ist site in New Zealand. But it is no less not visit the location at all? a motorboat had managed to sail through cial status that can rival that of Sains- a peculiar religion which regards Prince stunning than the places my family and He offered a third alternative: in a bid in twenty minutes. bury’s Basics; little surprise therefore Phillip as a god. I visited on a road trip around the South to quench what was his guilt for – at least Holding my breath, I went under again. when the people of Wayalailai had named Like an Argentine I met, who had ar- Island: from the geological freak-show taking part in – driving the Galapagos to The Fijian guide caught sight of my ap- their local-run hotel an ‘eco’ haven resort. rived at the island from an odyssey of of an Abel Tasman National Park, the ruins, he participated in a voluntary con- proach and, eager to impress, snatched From the unpleasant experience, I self-discovery and unwittingly took up a icy peaks of Mt Cook that nurtured Sir servation programme and spent three a reef shark by its fin and hauled the must give a judgemental statement: what six-month placement at the local school, Edmund’s mountaineering genius, to months assisting in scientific research creature into his cradle, struck a pose. I a hypocrisy. I became myself infected with the very stretches of grape vines scattered across that aim to safeguard the island’s future. inspected, and sighed – it was the same I have noticed that, similar to their ef- mode of life that Westerners perceived the pastures of Marlborough and the That way, he pursued, he could offset the shark that had previously swum by me, fort to attract tourists by the branding, barbaric and sought to purge and rectify crystalline glaciers bearing the names impacts of his visit. playfully rubbing its sandpapery skin the indigenous people are inclined to for the past centuries. Fox and Franz Josef, ‘God’s own country’ And isn’t this same guilt that drives against my belly. I gestured that I didn’t model their behaviours on the very peo- That didn’t eclipse my delight of find- is simply remarkable. us to mechanically submit our bank de- have a camera; clearly disappointed, he ple they served to please. It was the con- ing a travel companion, as we set straight No wonder, with parents residing in tails to flight carbon emission offsetting let it go. sequence of our disregard for nature and the formalities of introduction in the Auckland and so frequent opportunity to services, or take part in projects with an Enough of this regime of cruelty, I wildlife, that the Fijians have forsaken back of the monstrous cross-islander van, travel around the country, I have encoun- tered numerous compatriots who have flown 23,000 miles to witness nature at its utmost glory. But at what cost? Recent statistics have showed that New Zealand, as a nation, is amongst those worst offenders of car- bon emission, which includes Australia and the United States. Indeed, since Aotearoa has a heavy economic reliance on tourism, there is no surprise that the major contributors of such have been the two million tourists that visit the ‘green nation’ annually. As I paddled furiously towards the cruise ship, in response to an announce- ment that dinner was served, I couldn’t help but wonder how our sheer presence was ironically destroying the environ- ment we have come to admire. Between conserving the natural envi- ronment and sharing the splendour with Wayalailai ‘Eco’ Haven Resort The road to Mt Cook, where Edmund Hilary trained before conquering Everest felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 27 [email protected] TRAVEL

poses of travelling are to get plastered on yet another party island, or absent-mind- edly peruse yet another museum? Perhaps selfishness got the better of me. Alternative means of transport are becoming increasing popular due to the raised awareness for the environment. But, not disimilar to my hitchhiking stunt, they remain exclusive to those with time in their hands. Will I spare months of my time, trav- elling over land and sea, to reach home some 23,000 miles away, just because my conscience dictates so? Not a chance. Early stages of growth of a mango...you don’t learn that at school do you?

Face it. Eco-tourism has never been about with an Oxford graduate of geology. True chef. labels and marketing strategies, vanity- to my nature, I didn’t allow the geological Travelling opened my eyes to the driven self-righteous ‘commitments’ to bantering linger and switched the con- nature-conjunct cuisines that a city conservation or CV boosters. Fire away versation into travelling mode. life would have me blinded to. Venison your accusations of idealism and imprac- And so he told me about his fleet- reared in grasslands, gigantic turkeys ticality – I am shameless to admit them ing employment under the Sudanese owned by the Strawbridge family of It’s all. But, I have gradually come to an un- government. Not Easy Being Green fame, metre-long derstanding through travelling of the I could see the remorse in his eyes – fish heaved from the Fijian seas, solitary environment and the impacts of our acts he had a good reason to feel no pride in pineapples from the trees and sweet po- of greed and ignorance. Eco-tourism can this affiliation. He did redeem himself, tatoes from the ground – none of these only be so when the people affiliated to and indeed his soul, when he declined to were sheer impulses to consume but in- the trend are receptive to their surround- work on a controversial project, conduct- stead my utmost respect for the natural ings as they travel, yearn to learn the es- ed by a controversial company of a nation form of my foodstuff. sentials of life in relations to the environ- brimming with ethical controversies. And so, from Cornwall to New Zea- ment, muse about the impact inflicted All whilst Kelson the guide had the land, from Morocco to the South Pacific, by their pursuit of knowledge, and can chicken knocked out stone cold, re- I found in my sources of food the means return from their journeys and continue strained and plucked, before I was hand- to rediscover the essentials of life I had to live out the lessons and inspire others ed a machete and committed the act of lost touch with. to do the same. murder. * And so with these I shall leave you, dear * The presentation had me digging deep readers, the stories of ‘me’. Our victim in its final moments Alternative modes of transport The sight aroused some disgust in Anna’s into reminiscence. I knew, as soon as I facial expressions, though I was brim- took on the stage, the stories and pho- ming with childlike awe. tographic memoirs would have me over- “What is this?” I pressed on. The Mo- burdened with nostalgia for an adventure roccan seemed patient – more due to lost. At least, I consoled myself, I was hard-learnt marketing techniques rather there to share them with a group of travel than the genuine wish to educate a cou- enthusiasts who would likely themselves ple of foreigners. embark on the hitch-hike from London “Sheep’s head,” he muttered as he to Morocco. deboned the skull of one and mutilated And since minimal preparation was it beyond recognition. Oddly, in its more made on the night before – the Power- passable manifestation, my appetite Point presentation consisted of no more swelled. So I sat down, Anna by my side than ten pictures and my notes pretty expressing her indifference yet eager- obsolete – I embraced the role with ness to try, and the stewed meat landed full commitment to improvisation. Or in our bowls effortlessly on our part, save ramblings. the odd afak and shukran to show our ‘Why hitchhiking?’ is next. gratitude. “It’s fun, exciting, unpredictable; you Except for being a bit greasy with a tad get to meet people along the way…” too much fat slithering on my tongue, I tried to be as persuasive as I could, I thought it tasted not bad at all. The though the list of justification was run- aroma, which scented the four corners of ning dry fast. Djemaa el Fna ‒ the evening food market Better think of something equally as of Marrakech ‒ was an absolute bonus. I fast. didn’t know, until then, that a cut consid- The sparkle of inspiration was as in- ered waste product back home had such genious as the charity hitchhike itself. capacity to satisfy even a strict palate like “For the eco-warriors amongst you, mine. think about the eco-initiative of the hitch: (Though, on a side note, British manu- not only will you be leaving behind zero facturers are known to include cheeks carbon emissions by travelling to your or even the entire head of cattle in the holiday destination by using alternative industrial production of beef burgers – transport, you’re effectively reducing the watch out the next time you order one at carbon footprints of those who give you your local kebab shop.) lifts.” We have fallen in touch with what Although, I must confessed, I had bol- we eat. It is evidently so when our meat locked my way out of embarrassment comes in plastic wrappings and packag- using ‘facts’ I improvised on the spot, ing, plucked straight from the shelves of there is still truth in my claims. You are Tesco, and when recent studies show that reducing your carbon footprint by not an overwhelming population of children travelling by air, and you are dividing the in London have not even the faintest idea carbon emissions of a vehicle amongst of what an onion looks like. the drivers and his/her new-found pas- And too many times I have seen tour- sengers, therefore yet another reduction. ists give the grimace and decline the And so I questioned: considering our invitation to try something different. In impact to the environment by the simple fact, refusal is a better phrase to describe acts of voyaging, should we travel less, if their methods of dodging the ‘awkward’ not stop travelling altogether? situations; very often not so much a slab Am I to be deprived of my rights to of kangaroo on the plate, or kava in coco- achieve better understanding of cultures nut bowl, but familiar culinary ideas that and nature? Surely my motivations are were managed by the hands of a foreign more noble than those whose sole pur- 28 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 GaGamesmes Editors Michael Cook & Angry Geek GAMES [email protected] Ten Long Years – 2005 The Green Machine The modern age of gaming begins – PS3, XBox 360 and hot, hot coffee MMichaelichael CookCook Games Editor limey, what a year. Where topical – a developer called to start. Let’s jump right Infinity Ward released a into the middle of the year sequel to a game they – this was the E3 where made back in 2003, t’s a bit of a mishmash this week, not overtly educational. both the Playstation3 and with Call of Duty 2. CoD2 as you can probably see. We’ve But even this is just a little Flash game. Bthe XBox 360 got their first airings. really pushed the series forwards, got an extra page, onto which You’re still sitting down to tackle an en- With both the PS2 and the original and began many of the gameplay memory. we’ve sprayed a little some- vironmental problem. There’s a “serious XBox still going strong, it was a year of tropes that are still in use in the “Probably thing-something about the next games” movement dedicated to produc- looking ahead as well as looking to the latest editions. one of my favour- Igeneration of gamers (and why you’re ing games that tackle difficult issues, and shops – the God of War saga began Speaking of franchise-defining re- ite platform games not invited). We’ve also got a review of even Microsoft has managed to haul their this year, as well as old faithfuls such leases, Lego Star Wars popped out ever, absolutely bril- Dragon Age, an RPG that’s taking up arse into gear by creating the “Games For as Tekken and Gran Turismo making this year. Lu enthuses: liant and the pin- far too much student time this month. Change” competition that encourages the new appearances. “It shouldn’t work, it certainly nacle of the Castl- It’s also Green Week, and seeing as development of games about a range of On the PC though, it was the sum- shouldn’t work for adults, but it does. evania series we’re so packed out with other stuff, topics, including the environment. mer that made the year so great. Bat- The only recent platformer to over- to my mind. now would probably be a great time to But it’s all for the purpose of getting the tlefield 2 made modern day, 64-player shadow it is Psychonauts which came In fact talk about how gaming impacts the en- message across, and that tends to get in online matches possible in a way that out the same year.” I’ve been playing vironment. In short – it doesn’t, much. the way of really representing the intrica- no game had done or has done since. Obviously I was about to mention it through again re- But what it might do is change the cies of something like this. So this week, “Battlefield 2 was, is, the best mul- Psychonauts. A game that no-one cently on ‘Julius Mode’ which way you impact the environment. I’m I’ve been playing Democracy 2. And I tiplayer experience I have ever had bought but everyone seems to love. makes it a more clas- sical not talking about things like EcoKids think that it’s the best environmental is- to date. The impact of the real-world Odd, that, eh? Go and buy a copy now. Castlevania game, and it’s still (http://www.ecokids.ca) with abysmal, sues game you could ever play. It’s a simu- setting and the just-so balance Go on, you miserable bastard. It tried brilliant.” nineties-style games that funnel facts lation of political office: you’ve just been of the gameplay and vehicles to keep the platforming lighthearted As a counterpoint to the announce- down your throat at a rate of knots. elected President and you’ve got to keep meant that it was almost and while it utterly fails in some areas, ment of the next generation, Novem- These sorts of games have little effect enough people on-side to get re-elected always fun. I really hope it at least looks better than Brutal Leg- ber saw the Playstation2 become the on the player unless they’re concen- next time. Among the many issues you something will come along end. Sorry, Tim. fastest console to sell a hundred mil- trating in a learning environment. have to tackle is the environment. But one day worthy of suceed- Swat IV! Skippy, talk to me. lion units, overtaking its predecessor We want something more subtle than you’ll be so snowed under with other con- ing it.” “One of my top 5 “FFFFUUUUU- as the holder of the title. It’s a monu- that, something that’s still fun. The dif- cerns; the pressure of voters and lobbyists, And then UUU-” games. The phrase “You’re in mental achievement although not ference between games as a social tool the penalties inherent in actually solving – uninten- my way, sir” still makes the red mist enough to protect Sony from competi- and, say, film is obvious – interactiv- the problems at hand. The chances are tionally descend. tion in the current generation. ity. Consequence, choice, things like that. you’ll probably barely have time to con- “I think the worst mission for me Finally, who could forget, the hilarious ElectroCity goes some way towards that, sider the issue, and even if you do, you’ll was that one where there’s a couple of time we had watching Rockstar wriggle by presenting a more enjoyable environ- face such stiff opposition that it’ll cripple bombs to defuse within a time limit, out of the Hot Coffee fiasco, a furore ment. You can plonk down to beaches, you for the rest of your term. meanwhile thirty Heinz baked bastards so intense and hilarious that it brought prospect for gas and oil, implement en- It might be depressing, but people need are huddling behind every blind corner together Hilary Clinton, GTA: San An- ergy efficiency bills and the like. It doesn’t to understand why things don’t get done and bathroom.” dreas, and thousands of sweaty and anx- preach to you, there’s more of a feeling as much as they need to understand why The DS also gave Skippy some en- ious teenagers like no event has ever done of “you decide”. There’s a little rating that things should be done. Serious games tertainment this year, it seems, with since. It sounds like the setup for the per- tells you how many rabbits died this year need to get serious, and drop the biased Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, which fect teen comedy. In many ways, it was. as a direct result of your actions but it’s undertone. a few of you mentioned as being a fond Next year – the next generation begins in earnest. In Pictures - The Week In News: Making money, spending money and losing money

iPlayer Channel MW2 ‘Hacked’ The Wii will get its own BBC iPlayer chan- PC gamers have already subverted Modern nel, as a nice match to the XBox’s recent Warfare 2 to run dedicated servers - but the extra-game expansion. PC accounted for just 3% of over £70m in launch week sales.

NPD: 14% Game Online 14% of US households have a subscription to an On The Edge? online games service, such as World of Warcraft Indie gamers band together and rename their games or XBox LIVE, according to an NPD survey. in protest against the re-emergence of disgraced ‘trademark troll’ Tim Langdell felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 29 [email protected] GAMES The kids are alright (and valuable) Feeling old? Allow us to help – Mike Cook doesn’t think you matter any more, and he’s got two reasons why

he Entertainment Soft- a gamer, you need to buy a couple of Clank on the PlayStation2 and Unreal Nowadays, Andrew enjoys first- but has a particular feel to it – it’s the ware Association, a trade games. For companies to count you Tournament on the PC. Andrew cer- person shooters. He’s playing Modern sensation that runs through Far Cry 2, association for the US as a target, you need to buy the most tainly would’ve beaten me at almost Warfare 2 at the moment, and hopes to through Gears of War, through Smash games industry, has some games. any game when I was his age. pre-order Halo Reach and Max Payne Bros. and through the modern Tomb statistics on its website. We talked to Andrew, a thirteen Why are they more important? Be- 3 in the near future. When I ask him Raiders – and this isn’t a point about TAmongst these, one in particular year-old gamer, about the sorts of cause they grew up with the Playstation about the violence in the games, he ad- violence being made here. It’s a point stands out as strange: “The average games he likes to play now, and how and the N64 – they grew up after the mits that some games do have a lot of about simplicity, what’s marketable, game player is 35 years old and has many he buys in a year. point where gaming became a genuine killing in them. But he’s “sensible”, he and how much effort is required to sell been playing games for 12 years.” This The first game Andrew remem- says. It’s easy to believe him – he says another unit to someone who made a echoes the findings of various and bers playing is Croc on the Playsta- he buys games based on their reviews, purchase one, three, six months ago. amusing surveys held over the past few tion. Croc was a 3D platformer aimed “they’re the not the number of guns in them. Still, It’s almost evolutionary – a games years, the most recent carrying the de- squarely at kids, so it’s no surprise he seems to enjoy them nonetheless. studio will offer a twist on a currently lectable subheader that gamers are fat Andrew cut his teeth on that. But that trendsetters now” As time goes on, we’re seeing popular game, and the kids either buy and depressed. However, anyone who soon led to more frenetic games that more and more dis- it or don’t. You don’t get that sense of tells you that the old folk matter in the Andrew could play himself industry. The over fifties are unlikely tinction between progression in the older demograph- industry is plain wrong, because the – Ratchet & to buy much more than the DS games the gaming ics. You don’t get much at all, really, ex- fact of the matter is that the youngsters and occasional puzzle stuff that’s tai- equivalent of cept Puzzle World Crossword Touch. shape this industry – and you’re not lored specifically for them. It’s a lot of pop music Whilst we have the most disposable one of them any more. work; it’s not a dependable source of and the rest income, we don’t make or break games You might think that, as you sail to- income. Younger gamers, though, are a of the mar- any more at our age. We’re predictable, wards your mid-twenties like a greased new breed. They’ve been brought up ket. There’s repetitive, and we don’t buck the trend, cinder block on a waterslide, you’re watching games and seeing them as a main- and this is why we no longer shape the entering the key target demographic a big part of their life. Through this stream core industry. So peruse the two articles our for gamers. You’re at that point where they’ve learnt what to expect, to gaming youngsters wrote, and remind your- anyone will listen to your ideas, no and that makes them easier that’s by no self that they’re the trend-set- matter how stupid they are. ESA find- to sell to. means casual, ters now. Looks like mods ings are richer than just suggesting an and Mario Kart are in average age of 35 – they go on to state this year, then. that 34% of gamers are females above the age of eighteen; that there are more gamers aged over fifty than under twenty. But numbers like this are meaningless to big business for one simple reason – for the ESA to count you as

Feature: Modding We asked Jamie Review: Mario Kart and Andrew, there are new ones with new sounds, skins and more. two 13 year-old A good mod is one that can change a game completely like The Haunted gamers, to write which changes Unreal completely. You can play on your own or with friends. us something It is a mod set in a church, the west and many more places so you can kill about what they zombies! I wouldn’t be surprised if it said when you got GODLIKE. Instead love doing with it said ZOMGWTFBBQ. When modding a game you need to their gaming backup the files so if the mod does not JamieJamie Games Reviewer or triple banana that make other cars work you can get the old stuff back and time. spin out of control. You also have one work on the other mod while playing It has a wide range of tracks and vehi- green shell or three of them that you the game as well. cles but you do not get them straight can use to knock over vehicles only If you are like me and you like mod- Let us know away. You have to win or get second or in a straight line. One red shell or you AAndrewndrew Games Writer ding UT3, you should definitely mod third place to open new tracks. Some- can have three that lock-on to vehicles the mutators to get more of an effect times, you get a few glitches in the in front of you. A Bom-omb explodes Are mods worth it? The way to put this on the game. I’ve been using the Giba- what you think game but the game corrects itself. The knocking over any vehicle in the area. is, yes, they are an amazing waste of licious mutator which increases the gaming characters are Mario, Luigi, A spiny shell can hit the leading vehi- your life. gore and blood. Also there is the Gears of our two new Yoshi, Birdo, Baby Luigi, Funky Kong, cle. There are other items you can use Mods have become very popular in of Unreal mutator which gives you the Dry Bowser, Rosalina, Daisy, Bowser in the game such as a fake item, dash the world of gaming, people making Gears of War style mode. The jetpack writers, and Jr, Dry Bones, Baby Daisy, King Boo, mushroom or three of them, golden modifications of their own with special mutator is a jetpack and if you hold Diddy Kong, Toadette. dash mushroom, bullet bill, blooper, programs. When you play your first down jump you fly around the whole we’ll pass your You can also play multi-player. I think lightning, super star, mega mushroom, mod or get your first flippin’ skin to map (I recommend doing that on the it is more fun to play with your friends POW block, thundercloud. These work in Counter Strike, then you like map Deimos because it is a very big comments on: because you have more of a challenge. make the game more fun to play. You mods and want to make one yourself. map). You can also go online where you can can use a choice of vehicles in the Mods give us something that an or- So that is my thought on mods and games.felix@ race people around the world if you game. They are a motorbike and a car/ dinary game won’t give us. Take Unreal basically they are good if you have have wireless internet. And on the go-kart. The controls are easy to use Tournament 3 – this is a game where nothing to do and you are bored of the imperial.ac.uk game you have different objects you when playing. you can’t get many characters in so game you’ve got. can get to help you out, like a banana I would rate this game. 30 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 Fashion Editor KawaiKawai WongWong FASHION [email protected]

Heroin of TThehe ggreenreen gatewaygateway fashion

KKawaiawai WWongong Fashion Editor

was in Primark the other day The reality is, how many of us can re- and they now make ‘bags for life’. sist a £10 trendy new look? A new out- The irony, eh? You buy a pair of fit boosts your confidence like nothing Primark knickers and don’t re- else, it makes you feel new. There’s no ally expect the seams to stay rehab for throwaway fashion. No one Istitched for 24 hours. A bag for life that can help you. carries your big Primark shop? You’ll The bottom line is, the more con- probably get home with just a big han- sumers care about eco products, the dle on your shoulder. No bag, and defi- more the industry is willing to cater to nitely forget about your shopping. them. So you need to know that eco- So what do you do with this wrecked fashion is not just about H&M’s or- pair of knickers anyway? You bin them. ganic and fair-trade cotton. It is about What about the dress which was burst the environment – treated cotton is at its seams? You got it for £10; a sew- hard to degrade; polywhatever plastic ing kit costs £5. You’ll most probably is toxic to the environment. go and buy a new dress. As a result, we Ethical manufacturing allows you to all contribute to the clothing related trace your woolie jumper back to the waste in Britain. sheep that has produced the yarn (then The colossal amount of wasted you know the farmer isn’t keeping his polyesters, viscose and herbicide rich herd in a cardboard box). And you will wool amount to the weight of 240,000 also find that the company pays decent double-decker buses every year. On wages to its workers. Beautiful Soul, a this small island, one of the most pop- company that upcycles vintage Japa- ulated countries in Europe, it is not nese kimono, allow asylum seekers in the immigrants we’re up against. It is the UK to make friends and learn Eng- the avalanche of unwanted clothing lish while making money by producing that is eating up our habitable lands. eco-friendly garments. And it starts from our overflowing Last but not least, our photo shoot wardrobes. is the final proof against the common Throwaway fashion’s horrific envi- belief that anything ethical is boring. ronment and humanity track record The craftsmanship and the creativity needs no repeating. You can smell the that goes into these garments is just as BY SLOBODAN R. FROM LEFT: ANNABELLE WEARS SILK BLOUSE AND BLACK COAT BY benzene on Primark’s accessory floor good as in ‘non-ethical’ fashion. If not STAMO; LOUKIA WEARS BOW BLOUSE BY and feel the child labour in the buttons. better. STAMO AND SKIRT BY HENRIETTA LUDGATE; LUCKY WEARS DRESS BY HENRIETTA LUDGATE.

News Strip

KKawaiawai WWongong Fashion Editor

Pitt and Jolie design for Asprey Adidas will make €1 trainers for people in poor country Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have designed a capsule limited collection Bangladesh’s Nobel prize winner for Asprey. Prices start at $525 for the Muhammad Yunus has inspired Adidas to snake inspired items. All profit will go put the 89p trainers on the market. to Jolie’s charity. The collection, called the Protector, will go on sale in Asprey’s Gareth Puge moves into SHOWstudio London stores. The avant-garde designer will set up a temporary studio space at SHOWstudio in Bruton Place. Gareth will aim to create a piece themed around his SS10 collection and will be sold there and then. He will CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: BY ANDREEA be working at the studio on the 20, 21 and BABIUC; BLOUSE AND COAT, STAMO. BY 22 of November. SHOWstudio is curated BY CHRISTOPHER CHAN. FROM ALFRED YU; SHEER SHIRT, STAMO; SKIRT, LEFT: LUCKY WEARS SKIRT BY HENRIETTA LUDGATE. BY SLOBODAN R.; by the legendary photographer Nick HENRIETTA LUDGATE. CLOTHES SAME AS BEFORE. Sophia Theallet - new star to watch Knight to broadcast live fashion events online and to bring people closer to the Clothing: Henrietta Ludgate, Stamo; Accessories: Fara Charity; Production: Kawai Wong; Photographers: Alfred Yu, The french born, NYC based designer fashion world. The site has previously Andreea Babiuc, Christopher Chan, Jonathan Kim, Slobodan R., Tristan Brown; Processing: Alfred Yu, Andreea Babiuc, has won the prestigious CFDA fashion broadcasted Nick Knight’s shoot with Slobodan R., Tristan Brown; Hair: Holly Sarrer; Make-up: Ainhoa Manterola; Models: Annabelle Harris, Chidi Ilobi, Loukia fund. The $200,000 prize was previously Natalia Vodianova for Vogue. You can Sivena, Lucky Guo; With special thanks: Rohini and PhotoSoc. Fara is dedicated to transforming the lives of the poorest children awarded to Alexander Wang. Sophie’s watch Gareth at work online at www. in Eastern Europe. Fara provides a home and an education for children and offers training for teenagers. The Fara Charity Shop on SS10 collection featured tunic dresses. showstudio.com Gloucester Road often stocks designer items such as Ralph Lauren and Gucci from £20. Also spotted recently are granny specs from £3. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 31 [email protected] FASHION Designer Profiles

Henrietta Ludgate in her own SS10 design at an Estethica event

KKawaiawai WongWong Fashion Editor The softly spoken designer creates from her studio in the Highlands of Scot- land. The Scot uses Scottish fabric and enrietta Ludgate has come aims to be as sustainable as possible. She a long way since Feburary. is inspired by the legendary Italian de- BY TRISTAN BROWN. CHIDI WEARS JACKET BY Since her appearance at signer Elsa Schiaparelli. Henrietta views HENRIETTA LUDGATE. the Glasgow Fashion Week fashion as a type of architecture and Hfor her debut Autumn Winter 09 col- believes that clothing should be closely lection, she has opened a showroom connected to the frame of the body. in Covent Garden, won this season’s Her classic sexy numbers feature fu- ‘Fashion Innovation’ award and been turistic rims on the sleeves reinforced praised by Roland Mouret, Dolly by flexible tubings. Her dresses are a Jones of Vogue.com and Anna Orsini pleasure to touch. The fabric feels like – the founder of Estethica. She exhib- a hybrid of spandex and silk. The dress ited her latest Spring Summer 2010 sits nicely on the body, maximising the collection at the Somerset House dur- womanly curves. The nice sheen of the ing London Fashion Week and will dress gives off a power-woman touch – a continue to do so this Feburary for her nice balance of femininity and feminism. AW10 designs. Bespoke couture appointments are The Scottish designer is a graduate available with Henrietta at her London from Central Saint Martins. She worked show room on Exeter Street. for Osman Yousefzada before setting up For more details and stockists, visit her own label. www.henriettaludgate.com

The woven logo on Stamo’s clothes tag

BY TRISTAN BROWN. COAT BY ANDREEA BABIUC. ated pink bow extending all the way AND BLOUSE, STAMO; JACKET, HENRIETTA KKawaiawai WongWong Fashion Editor SKIRT, HENRIETTA LUDGATE. LUDGATE. from the waist down to the ankles. The coat we feature in our photoshoot is he first time I spoke to Sta- just another example of this theatri- mo was at the Estethica press cal sentiment. The lining of the coat is conference. She struck me ruffled with silk. Wear this inside and as a straight forward busi- you’ll get a normal looking winter coat Tnesswoman – clutching a Blackberry, with ruffle trimmings at the opening. dressed in a black suit and a speaking Wear this outside and it looks like an without emotion. It only occured to oversized, romanticised poncho. me 5 minutes into the conversation Stamo’s ethos is that she tries to pro- that this woman – who could probably duce the garments in the same region bite off anyone’s head in a boardroom as they will be sold so that she gives – has handpleated the lapels of her back to the community as much as she jackets and many of her Spring Sum- takes. She also works with crafts that mer 2010 pieces. And when asked if are dying, for example hand pleating. she makes all her clothes, the answer She is interested in preserving them as was simply, “Yes.” part of our international heritage and The softer side of her is apparent in culture. all of her designs. Her AW09 pieces Perhaps it’s a Greek thing. She is def- featured many sexy black mini dresses. initely not as fearful as I imagined her Cut outs at strategic places make the to be. If anything, she is the complete dress slightly edgier than the classics of opposite. She always ends her emails Givenchy. warmly with “Wishing you a lovely Some of her pieces are theatrically day.” elaborate. At the front it may look like For details and stockists, visit www. BY ANDREEA BABIUC. BY SLOBODAN R. ALL FROM a one shoulder body-con; turn the stamo.co.uk. She will also exhibit at BLOUSE AND COAT, STAMO. HENRIETTA LUDGATE. dress around and there’s an exagger- London Fashion Week this Feburary. 32 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 FoodFood EEditorsditors ChrisChris SSimim & HHollyolly CCumbersumbers FOOD [email protected] Cheese and potato pie Tibits, the best vegetarian food? Holly Cumbers thought this was tasty! James Kightley changes his views on vegetarianism? Perhaps...

know from years of experience hey’ll love you- but will thought of chomping my way through how difficult it is to eat a healthy, you love them? a large portion of imitation chicken balanced vegetarian diet at uni- I must admit that when and cubes of soy was horrifying, how- versity. For years I have had an I received an email this ever on entering I was pleasantly sur- incredibly unhealthy diet, in- week asking me to re- prised. On entry you are immediately Icluding biscuits, chocolate, breadsticks Tview a vegetarian restaurant to cel- confronted by an enormous “boat”, and most recently I have fallen in love ebrate green week, my heart sank. I heavily laden with all manner of veg- with peanut butter sandwiches. My decided, nevertheless, to put my pre- etarian dishes, and I have to admit that flatmates over the years have all joked dishes- cheese and potato pie. This conceptions of vegetarian food aside I was genuinely excited to try each and about my strange eating habits. recipe is easy to make, cheap and and began scouring the internet for every dish on offer. There are over 40 However, it is important to at least warming on a cold winter’s night- something that might inspire me. So dishes on offer, which take inspiration attempt to eat healthy and nutritional and what’s more you can easily make imagine my joy when I came across the from all over the world. These range meals- as I am sure you already know. enough for at least two meals, which restaurant Tibits. A fully vegetarian from vegetable red Thai curry, to To help you on your way I have in- gives you enough time to do some restaurant with the tag line “Food that falafels, dahls, and all manner of inter- cluded a recipe of one of my favourite more coursework- joy! loves you back”. How could I possibly esting cold vegetable and pasta dishes refuse… with exciting dressings. Although no Located in a beautiful, bustling, particular dish jumped off the plate at but only as good as a smoothie I could pedestrianised street called Hed- me, the quality was very good and the make at home and for £3.30 for a small don Street, set just back from Regent variety and combinations worked well glass, I felt that it wasn’t really worth it. Recipe for a scrumptious cheese-potato pie! Street, Tibits offers a large terraced to create a very pleasant meal. I can assure you, you won’t leave area in front of the restaurant, which I would like to say that the service feeling hungry, the food it is very sat- (Student Style) I imagine is a joy in the summer. In- was very good. Being a self service res- isfying, and healthy to boot. There side the restaurant, the atmosphere is taurant however, there really isn’t any! are different prices for 100g of food at Ingredients: relaxed and the décor colourful and What I can say is that the staff were different times of the day - £1.40 for 4 or 5 potatoes- make sure they are washed peeled and cut into quarters casual with bench seats in the large very friendly and helped explain how breakfast, £1.80 at lunchtime, and £2 200 grammes cheese- can be any cheese, but I think cheddar cheese works best windows, which give the restaurant the concept worked, part of which was at dinner. All in all this makes for a 1 onion- can be either red or white depending on taste, make sure it is sliced a wonderful feeling of extra outside to pay for the food by weight. Your very affordable meal, particularly con- 1 tomato or use two if they are small, again make sure you cut it into slices space. Tibits is a great choice for all food is weighed at the bar area, the sidering the location of the restaurant. Herbs for flavour, I usually add mixed herbs and a sprinkling of salt age groups, and a great place to go for fortunate thing being that vegetables So have I changed my mind on veg- a casual evening with friends. tend to be light. This means one can etarian food? I suppose I have. If a veg- Begin by boiling and mashing the potatoes (for a creamier texture add milk) and Tibits is a Swiss concept and is, as enjoy a full plate of food for around etarian friend suggested Tibits for din- add salt for flavour. At the bottom of a casserole dish create a layer of potatoes, is so popular on the continent, a self £8, and a pudding bowl selection for ner I would not feel disappointed at all, followed by a layer of cheese, then another layer of potato. Finish off with an- service buffet. This is one of the great- around £3-£4. There are also various and if I were a vegetarian this would other layer of cheese. Put under the grill for twenty minutes. Then add the sliced est things about Tibits, as it is in my healthy fruit drinks on offer, you know certainly be a place I would frequently tomato and the sliced onion. Put back under the grill until it goes golden brown. mind what makes it successful. As may the ones I mean, like “Vit boost” etc. I return to. I’m not sure if I love Tibits as Enjoy your tasty but nutritious meal! have been obvious from my initial re- had a” Tutti Frutti” on the recommen- much as it claims to love me… but we action, I am an avid meat-eater and the dation of the Manager - tasty enough, are certainly friends.

My favourite five green vegetables... Vegetarianism in Camden Holly Cumbers explores ways in which you can get your 5 a day! Holly Cumbers reviews food in Camden

s this is the green issue bled at- it is packed with vitamin C. amden is famous for its service. I thought I would do a 4 goes to Brussel Sprouts- again arty stalls- selling alter- The menu is full of nutritional and special article on my fa- only for the acquired tastebuds. So native dresses, gorgeous tasty dishes from all over the world vourite green vegetables. many people find these disgusting trinkets and most impor- (they call it world tapas), but they also Seaweed has to be simply because they are overcooked. tantly, so much vegetar- have larger food dishes available. We numberA 1. Admittedly not to every- I love brussel sprouts with chestnuts Cian food that it feels almost heaven- decided to order several dishes as we one’s taste (I don’t really understand at christmas or in a stir-fry, both are like. There are dishes from all over the were told that they might be small- why!), this vegetable is packed with extremely tasty. Brussel sprouts are world. On Saturdays and Sundays they however as the dishes start from only calcium and magnesium (making it full of protein and vitamin A, which have places where you can sit and eat, £3.50 it is what you would expect. We an excellent substitute for milk). I love makes them an excellent replacement so you can eat your food whilst watch- opted for the mixed vegetable samosas, seaweed on its own with just a sprin- to meat, giving you essential nutrients ing the world pass you by. which were served with mango chut- kling of herbs on top. It always tastes that are often difficult to get from a I particulary enjoy visiting Green ney, the mixed olives and the mango best when cooked properly, something vegetarian diet. Note cafe, although this isn’t techni- and halloumi salad- which caught our which I can never master-but it should And finally courgettes (I am not cally a food stall the prices are still ex- eye as it sounded so exotic! And the tex be fairly easy. This is a perfect dish to 100% sure whether they can be called tremely good. mex dips- which were served with to- order when you go for your next chi- green vegetables but what the heck The cafe is both a live music venue mato salsa and guacamole. All the in- nese meal. they are still nice, and of course and purely a vegetarian cafe (If you are gredients they use are organic. Number 2, Popeye’s favourite food- healthy! Very healthy. They are filled a full strung meat eater I would avoid The food arrived really quickly, Spinach. Spinach is jam packed with with wholesome vitamins such as this place like the plague! As you won’t which was good as the divine smells iron, calcium and antioxidants- now folate acid and vitamin A- and you do get served any meat here!). I tend to coming from the kitchen were driv- I know why Popeye was always so not need to worry about putting on visit this place on a Sunday as they ing us crazy. All the dishes were well strong! any weight as they are incredibly low have open mic sessions where people prepared. Spinach has to be cooked properly in calories). I love them when they just come up and sing for you- you can The food is amazing and I think in order to be fully enjoyed. I recom- are cut into chips and then fried. My get some really random and fun acts that is why I keep coming back to this mend adding spinach to pizza as it friend also suggested to me the other sometimes, which will always brighten little cafe. It always tastes better than does actually taste nice- and you don’t day that courgettes are excellent when up your day. the money I spend on it. The dishes have to feel bad tucking in to a divine they were fried in breadcrumbs. I instantly fell in love with the friend- are always filled with so many different snack. There are so many creative things ly and relaxed atmosphere. You can flavours. Although I used to hate it as a kid, that you can do with green vegetables. really make yourself feel at home here. Next time you are in Camden pop number 3 would now be cabbage. Un- It is really fun to explore new recipes The staff make you feel as if this is by- I am sure they will be pleased to fortunately, I can never shake off those and different ways of cooking green where you belong with their compli- see you and they will make you feel like terrible memories of school dinner la- vegetables. Not only is it fun but it is ments and their genuine smiles. You one of the family. Just bear in mind that dies slopping it on to my plate. How- also essential for a vegetarian diet. So just know they genuinely want to look it is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays! ever, this vegetable shouldn’t be grum- have fun! I am sure you will! after you and give you the best possible I would advise a lazy Sunday here...... felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 33 [email protected] FOOD How bad is meat for the environment? Reamika Patel weighs up the pros and cons of the meat industry and asks if giving up the steaks and hamburgers for good will really be saving the planet

Food production is an important showed a 19% increase in soil carbon world population grows, the amount factor in global warming and climate after the land was changed from crop- of meat eaten will grow. But when change. The claim that meat (espe- land to pasture. Factor in the fact that living on pastures as they meant to, cially beef) production is a huge con- animal grazing also reduces the need animal foods are healthy, traditional tributor to global warming is certainly for vehicles, machinery, fertilizers and parts of the human diet that we have credible; industrial meat production pesticides, and it’s not difficult to see relied on for most of our evolution. is responsible for water pollution (due how raising animals on grass, as op- If we want to save the planet and still to the practice of storing waste in gi- posed to in confinement, can actually enjoy that hamburger, we should sup- ant lagoons), greenhouse gas produc- benefit the environment. port local, organic farmers who raise tion and land degradation, as well as their animals on grass using traditional deforestation to grow crops to feed methods. All the food we buy should livestock. As a result we are being told What can we do? be minimally processed, in season and to go vegetarian to save the planet. In locally grown, and we should not let fact the UN published a report on live- The problem is not as clear cut as any of it go to waste. In terms of meat stock and the environment recently, “meat is bad for the environment, so comsumption, we should be eating with the conclusion that “The livestock we should all go vegetarian to save the more organ meats – if we are going to sector emerges as one of the top 2 or planet” . Going veggie may mean im- kill an animal for food the least we can 3 most significant contributors to glo- porting more food and making us even do is not waste any of it. bal warming”. But let us not throw the more dependent on the industrialized Thinking about the issues involved, baby out with the bathwater. The key food chain, which is dependant on fos- and how much more damaging to the word here is “industrial” meat produc- sil fuels and chemicals. Animals are environment that soy burger could be tion. While this is certainly unsustain- needed to cycle nutrients and prevent (can anyone say deforestation, pesti- able and damaging, the same is not ennial pastures used for grazing to de- of total land area, while permanent areas of land turning to desert. The cides, fertilizers, etc..?) we can all make true of grass-fed livestock raised in a crease soil erosion by 80% and improve meadow and pasture (which supports problem isn’t meat. It’s large indus- our diets more sustainable and eco- traditional way. In fact, certain farm- water quality, as shown in research by animal rearing) covers 50%. Sheep are trial corporations and big agribusi- friendly, whether we’re vegan, vegetar- ing methods can actually help reverse Minnesota’s Land Stewardship Project. our major livestock production, reared ness companies. It’s true that as the ian or omnivores. global warming, and it could be that Even a report by the United Nations almost everywhere. Without sheep a conscientious meat eater may have concedes that “There is growing evi- farming the mountains of Wales and a more environmentally friendly diet dence that both cattle ranching and Scotland and the moorlands of central than your average vegetarian. pastoralism can have positive impacts and northern England would become on biodiversity”. largely unproductive. We’d simply have Traditional farms have numerous to import more food. Chris Reynolds casts his eye over the fishing industry animal species co-existing harmoni- Grass-fed vs grain-fed ously, which is the natural way of the Most of our earth is covered by ocean, a rolling expanse of waves that seem to world. For instance, farming sheep and Animals and ecosystems hold a limitless bounty of fish, forming a staple part of the diet of a huge propor- Most animals that are raised for food cows on pastures keeps them in better tion of people on earth. The worldwide per capita consumption is around 16kg, such as cows and sheep are ruminants shape as sheep can eat weeds that are Even if more land were suitable for more than double what it was during the first half of the twentieth century, and (grass-eating). However, the practise of toxic to cows and vice versa, and they crop growing, is the planting of in Britain, fish and chips have long been one of the most popular dishes. For a feeding these animals vast amounts of also help cotntrol parasites that affect monocrops all that good for the earth? long time, the sea has been seen as an infinite resource that can be plundered re- grain is widespread. Not only is it inhu- one species but not the other. Chick- The answer is a resounding no. In fact, lentlessly without any consequences, but after years of unsustainable overfish- mane (it throws their digestive system ens on farms can follow ruminants and removing grazing animals from the ing, stocks of many fish are running low. A study in Nature found that 90% of out of balance and makes them more take advantage of the short grass and Earth’s grassland ecosystems causes the larger predatory fish such as sharks and marlins have disappeared from the prone to infection), but it also con- insect larvae in the ruminant manure, long term damage to the soil, and cer- tributes to global warming in numer- leaving behind their own nitrogen rich tainly contributes to global warming. oceans, and 80% of most of the smaller fish, such as cod and tuna, are gone too, ous ways. droppings. Meanwhile pigs can be Grazing animals provide fertilizer in and this study was performed six years ago. One way is through increased green- used to turn and aerate compost which the form of nitrogen-rich manure, We’ve already seen the effects of overfishing on the whale population, which house gas emissions. For instance, can feed the grass. This form of sus- root stimulation, pest control and de- crashed back in the 1960s, and scientists are now predicting that supplies of fish most agriculture related CO2 emis- tainable farming uses resources effi- crease soil erosion, thus eliminating will run out by 2048 if we continue fishing at the same rate. With levels of fish sions come from the fuel being burned ciently, and provides highly nutritious the need for artificial fertilizers which dropping, fishing methods have become increasingly intensive. Long-line fish- to operate vehicles and equipment, food for humans. rely on fossil fuels. Nothing made ing, where miles of baited hooks are strung out below the surface of the ocean and clearing woods for crop growing from fossil fuels is sustainable. In ad- surface, and trawling, catch fish indiscriminately, killing many unwanted larger and livestock grazing. Most Brazilian dition, permanent pastures act as car- fish. With catches getting smaller, the trawler nets grow ever wider, and the deforestation is for soybean cultiva- bon sinks, pushing carbon into the soil number of unwanted larger fish, such as dolphins, getting swept up increases. tion, with over half of soybean harvest Using unproductive land and building topsoil. The grasses and Bottom trawling, where the net is allowed to scrape along the ocean floor to being controlled by a few international herbs take in carbon from the atmos- catch the cod and halibut that live at the deeper depths, can cause vast damage agribusiness companies who ship it A key argument is that the grain used phere (as carbon dioxide), the animals to coral and the sea floor ecosystem. worldwide for animal feed and food to feed animals, which in turn feeds eat the plants, which then go back into There is a lack of pressure on fishermen to stop overfishing. Fishermen don’t products. However, small traditional humans, would feed more humans if the soil via the animal’s manure, and want to start imposing quota limits on themselves and limit their income, and farms use little machinery and keep it was directly consumed by people. are trampled back into the soil where governments are unwilling to do anything about it; after all, the fish don’t have the animals on pasture so have no need It should be noted that grain-fed ani- the carbon is absorbed and recycled, votes, and there is little public pressure. Overfishing is not an environmental to buy in vast amounts of grains from mals tend to receive the poor quality feeding plant roots and enabling new problem uppermost in the mind of most of the public. It’s easy to show people overseas (if they do feed grains they grains and by-products unsuitable for plants to sprout. This form of farming images of vast swathes of cut-down rainforest, or sodden rock replacing snowy usually grow them themselves so there humans. Doesn’t it make more sense mimics the natural evolutionary con- glaciers, but showing the effects of overfishing are more difficult. The sea looks are no emissions and no contribution to convert low quality grains to a more ditions of the earth thousands of years the same as ever, while the fish stocks dwindle away, invisibly, underneath. to deforestation). nutritious product through livestock ago, where grazers grazed the land Overfishing can be very difficult to change. For example, despite all whale- Methane, agriculture’s 2nd larg- rearing, than to consume them our- and fertilized the soil with their waste, hunting being banned since 1983, many whales are still near the brink of extinc- est greenhouse gas is 25 times more selves? The truth is that there is a lot then were chased away by predators or tion, and large numbers of whales are still killed under the guise of conducting damaging than carbon dioxide. In in- of land out there that just isn’t suitable moved on, thus allowing new plants to scientific research, presumably into the tastiness of whale meat. However, there dustrial farming, most of the methane for growing crops, for example moun- regrow. This process is in stark con- is some good news for whales and fishing bans. Blue whale hunting was banned comes from huge lagoons of liquefied tains, deserts, heath and moorland, salt trast to a conventional corn or soybean in 1960, when 5000 blue whales were left, and only now, 50 years after the ban manure. This isn’t a problem in smaller marshes and lakes. Most of this land field which is actually a major source are the numbers of blue whales starting to grow again in the Antarctic. This gives traditional farms where animals de- does however support grass and other of greenhouse gases. According to some hope that attitudes, and the march towards extinction of many fish species posit manure in pastures. Further- plants we can’t utilize directly. Thus the a recent Scientific American article can be changed, and you too can help. Try to cut down on the amount of fish you more, cows produce more methane land can be used to raise animals which “Future farming: A return to roots?”, eat, and if you do eat fish, make sure they are properly farmed from sustainable when fed a lot of grains which they are convert the inedible plants into a form production of high input annual crops sources, and that damaging fishing methods are not used. The Marine Conserva- not designed to eat. Methane produc- of food we can eat – meat. In these ar- release carbon at a rate of around 1000 tion Society publishes leaflets, available on the internet, which can give you an tion can also be reduced by rotating eas animal farming is the most efficient pounds per acre, while perennial grass- easy guide to which fish are properly farmed, not trawled, and dolphin-friendly. cattle on fresh pastures frequently. use of the land and can even improve lands can store carbon at roughly the Other environmental benefits of live- the health of it. Even in the UK, arable same rate. One analysis published in stock grazing include the ability of per- and orchard farming occupies 30% the journal Global Change Biology 34 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 CLUBS & Clubs & Socs Editor Alex Kendall  SOCIETIES [email protected] A stormy Halloween in the Lake District The Fellwanderers hike the Lake District on a wet Halloween weekend; Joe Rumer describes the madness

directions)! a Tolkien-style troll battle drank too much cider. Shit, there’s a ensued. Later in the afternoon we hit slice of pumpkin pie in the oven still! the summit and bash on down to the Mmmm, oh that’s good. And in the pub which, quite frankly, was a little door of the bus, oh yes, my chips left disappointing – it had strip lights and over from Friday night. Tasty. None of red vinyl flooring (but no, not a strip that porridge for me. club) – not your classic English water- An aqua-bus journey along roads ing hole. Still, following a plastered that have become rivers, past fields local home because he couldn’t bring that have become lakes, and we found himself to drive above 25mph (60mph ourselves in Conniston. There was a limit) was entertaining, but not as choice of three options here, each more much as was what lay ahead… nonsensical than the last: stay in the At the hut, butternut squash chop- pub all day, take a short walk around ping. Too much squash. But it went the lake and pub lunch, or go for a long into a tasty pumpkin risotto and pump- walk up a mountain in the rain to see kin pie for dessert, all very Halloween- a ‘Goat’s puddle’. For the benefit of the tastic. The connoisseurs amongst us club, contrary to what any forecaster enjoyed our food with a tasty glass of may have told you, I can assure you we Frosty Jacks while some of the plebians enjoyed blue skies and sunshine all day, settled for fine wine and real ale. Then with panoramic views of jaw-dropping there’s the one who always goes too far: scenery. We were bounding like lambs for full appreciation, try the recipe at over heather. home: 1) take a half pint of white light- We returned to the buses, reluctant ening cider. 2) to the glass, add a brown to leave. Still, I knew I would fall asleep sugar frosting to the rim, and dress and wake up in London a little later. with wedges of pumpkin and apple. 3) Let’s just forget about the road works Chris and Alex changed a little over the weekend. Maybe it was the rain. Or the pumpkin risotto heat in the microwave for two minutes. and heavy traffic because of stupid 4) light a candle and float this in the cars full of stupid kids at the end of half drink – now enjoy your tasty, steam- term, and the service station dinner lways look on the bright eerie mist washed down over the land- all our kit rain-soaked on the top of ing beverage, just like mulled wine and (KFC/salty soup/expensive sandwich- side of life, do do, do do scape, the peaks of the mountains lost the bus at our exclusive residence (an rat’s piss with a rotten cabbage thrown es/Friday’s chips re-heated). do do do…maxing out in the clouds. The wall was wet from ageing village hall with an ominous in. Yummy! Late at night – when only those of the minibus volume, the rain and the mist kept coming, so we portrait of some fat, old and now dead The merriment continued with folk you who got bladdered for the entire people waiting for buses kept going. lady hanging above as we slept). Man- donning their costumes: Scream was weekend and could no longer move re- Ajust love us. We pile a mountain of The day’s conquest was the volcani- points to Jim for sleeping in a half- in attendance, a gay pirate, a bat and main at the Union – we return: more rain-soaked kit onto the pavement, in- soaked sleeping bag. The hall came a vampire. An El Presidentes pumpkin mountains conquered, more classic cluding a skull dripping with wax and complete with a classic record player carving contest was hacked out on the dishes served up, many more cheesy a rolling pumpkin with a face only a ‘In a Fellwandering and all those 80s hits on vinyl – sadly stage (Chris should never be trusted songs, countless laughs and dozens of mother could love. This wasn’t the only these weren’t played. What’s more, I with a knife like this again) and then heroic tales to tell. We returned home cheesy song of the weekend, and my frenzy we embarked had to settle for porridge for breakfast. candles were lit and the lights turned looking on the brighter side of life! mind remains harrowed by memories on a midnight walk ... I think you have problems if you like out. This was the ideal time to touch of a Halloween in the Lake District that this stuff. up freshers. will haunt me forever: think gay pirates carrying a sheep’s skull Up the valley, onto a plateau and past In a Fellwandering frenzy we em- in skin-tight pink V-necks, white light- a lake, up a bit more: some nice views, barked on a midnight walk to the local ening cider and a castle plunging into mounted on a stick and lots of mist and rain now, but reward- Wray Castle, carrying a sheep’s skull darkness before you. Think a Fellwan- ing all the same. We find the ‘shelter’ mounted on a stick and two lit pump- derers’ trip to a beautiful mountain… two lit pumpkins.’ (is it really a shelter if you can legally kins. The beautiful stone gothic build- 11.00am Saturday: the valley floor smoke there? Two walls – is that a ing was illuminated in a deep orange swept out before us, over the rocky shelter?!) and enjoy our first lunch. A glow, towering over us. Until, without foreground a raging river chased the clastic sandstone summit of Bowfell, small patch of blue sky emerges later warning, darkness instantaneously en- path down the mountainside back to 6th highest mountain in the Lakes. We and we all take pictures. After a small veloped us. Fearing we had upset the the pub where we began, and many were in good hands: Alex our leader map-reading error, we plough on, only gods, we marched back to the hall for a miles later would finish. Left, two had kicked off with a pint before de- to confront our worst nightmare – the necessitated night’s sleep. No one will sheep (with their picturesque blue parting from the Union and I picked other half of the trip emerge from the ever know what caused the castle to spray-painted-on numbers) scamp- up a bottle of white lightening cider mist (we had split into two groups do- vanish into darkness like that… ered past a dry stone wall. Right, an on our travels north. We arrived with ing the same circular walk in opposite Sunday morning, pissing down, Scrumpy Jacks IS a cocktail...

The Amnesty Column - this Newspaper could get you arrested

e are very blessed most 50% of our population choose to ernment censorship and you can get ta. Htay Kywe, Mie Mie and Zaw Htet brutality, the use of shackles and other to be in the UK. It do). arrested for accessing BBC pages, Ko Ko were arrested in October. Htay mistreatments. may not be perfect In 1988, a group of students in Bur- Amnesty International information Kywe and Mie Mie were sentenced to As a group, the Amnesty Interna- but we are free to ma protested against their military or other outside literature. When the 65 years in prison and Zaw Htet Ko Ko tional Society have signed the petition make statements regime where freedom of speech was freedoms of a people are restricted, it received an 11-year sentence. for the release of Htay Kywe, Mie Mie , Wlike, “I would rather shoot the Andrex forcibly repressed. The government’s is the duty of others to use theirs. As a human rights charity, Amnesty Zaw Htet Ko Ko and all other Burmese puppy in the face than vote BNP” and response was to arrest, kill and ‘disap- In August and September 2007, International campaigns for the un- prisoners of conscience. But there’s “Gorden Brown’s choice of biscuits pear’ thousands of people. Their crime members of the original ’88 group, conditional release of these prisoners more than just that; our society is dedi- leaves something to be desired.” We was breaking one of Burma’s most ri- including veteran activists Htay Kywe of conscience. Not only horrified by the cated to informing ourselves and oth- are free to question authorities; for ex- diculous sounding laws; disturbing and Mie Mie and a younger member, violation of some of the most basic of ers of human rights violations around ample, I am at liberty to question how public tranquillity. Other banned ac- Zaw Htet Ko Ko, took part in mass human rights (freedom of speech and the world, including in the UK. much money the Union invests in the tivities in Burma include; gatherings anti-government protests which swept freedom of assembly), mistreatment of So if you see us around campus do arms trade. If I chose to get married I of five or more people, discussing fuel through Burma. These much publi- prisoners is also a concern. Since 1988, come over, ask questions and read our can enjoy the same rights as my hus- prices, politics, religion, foreign affairs, cized events (in the UK at least) were at least 135 political prisoners have petitions. Sign, donate or join in if you band, and can then choose to divorce peacocks or the colour red. brought to an unceremonious end by a died either in prison or during inter- agree. You are blessed that here you are with or without his permission (as al- The internet is restricted by gov- violent crackdown by the military jun- rogations. Past prisoners report police free and safe to do so. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 35 What’s on... Clubs & Societies Calendar Editors – Lily Topham & Rachel D’oliveiro

[email protected]

Tues 24thh Nov Mon 23rd Nov Ahlul Bayt - Hajj Exhibition – 12-2pm, Sherfield Concourse Level 2, Free Political Philosophy – Classics Series 2 – Find out about this incredible journey... – Science and the Spirit of Anarchism – 6pm, Elec Eng room 509 Christian Union Impact – Talk by Rachel Souhami, Lecturer in Philosophy of – “He’s just as drunk as I am – Aren’t all Christians Science hypocrites?” – 12pm, Union Dining Hall Finance Society – Benedix Financial Recruiters – Free discussion lunch bar open to all with free food and Presentation drinks! – Work for us, you know you want to... – 6pm, Business School LGS LT Finance Society – Goldman Sachs Presentation – Work for us, you know you want to... Question Time with MSF and Debating Society – 6pm, Physics LT1 – Discussing the difficulties of humanitarian aid.. – Prestigious panelists include Gareth Tudor-Williams ICSM Orchestra Concert and Alvaro Villanueva – St. Stephen’s Church, Gloucester Road, Sw7 4RL – 6:30pm, SAF LT G34 – Doors open at 7pm for 7.30pm start. Weds 25th Nov – Free for students plus free glass of wine on entry! – Repertoire includes: Tchaikovsky Symphony No. 2, Finance Society – KPMG Presentation Mendelssohn A Midsummer Night’s Dream Overture, – Work for us, you know you want to... Hans Zimmer Selection from Gladiator – 6pm, SAF 121

Fri 27th NNov Thurs 26th Nov Ahlul Bayt - Hajj Exhibition (Free) – 12-2pm and 5-10pm, SAF CL Level 1/Foyer/G16 Lecture Ahlul Bayt - Hajj Exhibition (Free) Theatre 1/Rm 119-122 – 12-2pm, Sherfield Concourse Level 2 – Find out about this incredible journey... – 6-10pm, Huxley 340 – Find out about this incredible journey...

Muslim Medics Young Scientists’ Symposium – 5:30pm, SAF LT G16 – Free entry with refreshments! – A wonderful opportunity for medical students to show- case their research. Sat 28th Nov

Model UN and Amnesty International ICSM Choir Concert – Corporate Responsibility Simulation – Free for students plus free glass of wine on – 6-7.30pm, Read LT, Sherfield entry – Free for all! – St. Stephen’s Church, Gloucester Road, Sw7 To Do.... – Talk from Catherine Cartwright followed by a debate. 4RL – Doors open at 7pm for 7.30pm start. 1) Find passport.... – Repertoire includes: Puccini Messa di Finance Society – BAML Presentation 2) Email – Work for us, you know you want to... Gloria, Rachmaninoff Ave Maria, Beatles whatson.felix@im- – 6pm, Huxley 311 Yesterday perial.ac.uk (Club name & event, time, place, price, pics...) by end of Tues 24th Nov. 36 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009

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NEXT WEEK’S CATNIP QUESTION: What’s the rankest meal you’ve ever WHAT DO YOU THINK REALLY eaten? durian HAPPENED TO THE RECTOR?! Pineapple man Your Mum. (Honestly, she was so goddamn stringy – even reggae reggae sauce couldn’t improve the flavour. Also, she was a terrible shag.) Anonymous

A two-week old pasta-bake. Limpid pasta, offensive sauce and drowned . But now, I have no gag reflex. Result! Anonymous Drunken-mate photo of the week I saw someone in my halls eating cereal out of an unwashed bowl that had contained pasta the night before. It put me right off my breakfast. Southwell Fresher Got a picture of your mate being CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? an absolute waste EMAIL TO of oxygen? Well, [email protected] get your camera FACEBOOK out and email your it on our ‘Felix’ fan page drunken-mate TEXT US photos to catnip. on 07832670472 [email protected] AND NOW ON

This charming fellow got on a coach, fell asleep, and then threw up. At least, TWITTER! we think that’s the right order...Red wine or Snakebite, you reckon? Senders must have permission to use submitted photos and just tag your tweets accept full responsibility for them with @felixcatnip xkcd.com

union.ic.ac.uk/acc/football felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 37

(We’ve gone green for Green Week, HangmanPutting the cat out to dry not that we weren’t green before...) [email protected] Beginner’s Guide to being Green There’s not much you can do. Stop blaming yourself for the world’s problems and start blaming everyone else.

AAnonymousnonymous Hangman Editor time and your endless can-stamping fresh outdoors and take time to enjoy sociation with them. Despite appearing was a dire attempt to win the coveted the beauty that surrounds you - ah fuck to have similar views, they actually do Blue Peter badge along with the affec- this, take the bus. care about the world (remember that It’s not easy being green. Shut up, yes it tions of Konnie Huq. Ahhhh yeeeeahh, So you’ve just realised that you’re too you don’t!). The problem is that they is. Green is just a social convention, a Konnie Huq! (Foreign Students may lazy to care. Of course you don’t care, stroll around with their natural teeth, fashion, a mating call. ‘Check out that need to do some background research no-one cares. The only thing we care their natural clothes, natural hair and guy with his eco-friendly shopping bag. here). about is looking like we care, thus a look naturally disgusting. We haven’t He cares about the environment. He’s Of course, endless can-stamping, foolproof plan must be implemented even mentioned that they period into such a caring guy. I love caring guys, combined with the bitterness of never to pass off the illusion of your green mooncups. That’s right, you’ve now got he’ll care for me... blah blah blah...’ actually receiving a Blue Peter Badge, endeavours. to look up ‘mooncups’ and whether the Green is a show. No-one actually soon led to an implacable stamping ad- When going places, make sure that you word ‘period’ can be used in verb form. wants to do green. The only reason diction. There’s nothing better than always get off one stop too early and They’re so freakishly in love with na- we use recyclying boxes is because we picturing the can with the face of some run the remaining distance. Inform ture that they just look weird. We all love to collect shiny things and arrange stupid smug twat and stamping the your friends that you are boycotting just look at them and think, ‘Thank them in height order. smugness right out of that stupid smug carbon dioxide and saving nature by God I’m normal’. In fact people are so So lets stop pretending that we care face. Of course Hangman does not running everywhere. Your lack of fit- scared of looking mildly hippie-like about our children, or our children’s advocate sticking the faces of your fa- ness will only authenticate your lies as that they try damn hard not too. In children. That’s a disgusting amount vourite twats onto your disused drinks a five minute jog will leave you ruddy- other words, hippies are putting us off of children to be caring about. Lets in- cans and stamping them to death. faced and sweating like an African’s making an effort to save the environ- stead worry about ourselves and how- ball-sack. Try to force a small tear ment. It’s their fault! It’s nothing to do we look because the most important How to stick the faces of your favour- down your cheek as you weep for the with our laziness, it’s simply our deter- thing in life is to care about what other ite twats onto your disused drink can fallen trees. mination not to be a hippie. people think. Well, glad that’s settled. It’s the hip- Tip 2 - The Great Chirade Tip 3 - Protestors pies’ fault that I’m so negligent and Tip 1 - CAN STAMPING! don’t give a shit. In fact I might just It is imperative that you shun all forms That’s right, these tree-hugging, sun- throw this copy of Felix on that pave- You don’t really know the logic behind of fuel-consuming activities, including worshipping druid tossers are only ment over there. stamping on your empty drinks cans, public transport. Stop whining about giving you guys a bad name. You can And if you’re still worr ied, you can but you assume it helps the recycling the late buses and tube-line closures often find them outside your local organsise a fuck-off concert with an people in some way. and use your legs! Go out there and power-station, chanting scientifically extravagant lighting/sound system That’s a lie - you don’t care about the save the world with your legs because misinformed drivel about the environ- and jet celebrities in from all over the recycling people. You’ve just seen too the world needs your legs and your legs ment. Remember you are not one of world. That’s a clever idea you Ameri- many Blue Peter appeals in your life- need a green world to live on. Smell the these people, nor do you want any as- can twat!

Hangfan We love hearing from the fans and have TTWATTERWATTER received some really warm feedback the_Cuddly_Racist “I’m not one to ever feel the need to comment/act/care about the ‘banter’ in Felix, BUT, I think last week’s article was Just been pwning some nabs on COD Modern spectacularly…wrong/offthemark/too Warfare 2! Epix game! xXx FELLOWSHIP OF un-PC. I was pretty disappointed to find out that the article was a snobbish attack on Barack_attack_l33thaxor THE METH RING the ‘working class’.The content is what it is, but to put it in Felix with Imperial’s diverse range of students as your target audience Bet you love killing dem terrorists right? :p So it seems old Roy has left us for is just plain stupid. I won’t be supporting union.ic.ac.uk/acc/football more important things. Now everyone Felix if content such as this continues to be is starting to question his sudden de- published.” Die-hard Hangman fan SexyOsama69 parture. What’s behind that stern and threatending face? Does he really care about diseases and all that? Noose of Well he hasn’t killed me once yet lol! the World has the exclusive scoop on the Real Royboy! There has been much speculation Linked? Amy and Royboy over this scandal and rumours have the_Cuddly_Racist been spreading faster than Katie Price’s legs. A favourite seems to be that Roy- However, closer sources have told us Lmao. stfu Osie! I’ve killd u loadz of times. Ur boy has actually started his own pri- that Royboy was asked to resign due to such a camper! U jst sit in your cave! vate crystal meth business. There have the discovery of him being a giant ant. even been reports of him being seen Imperial has strict policies on giant ant with Amy Winehouse. rectors and had to take hard action. Barack_attack_l33thaxor “Him and Winers have been getting “We were very shocked at the news Yeh Osie you camper! BTW I’ve sent some on well recently. Often seen ‘em stum- and regrettably had to ask the giant bling around Camden at three in the ant to step down,” said a high-up Impe- union.ic.ac.uk/acc/footballRL soldiers to your RL cave lol! Just for morning with cans of Frostie Jack”, re- rial official. “GSK to crystal meth. It’s teh lolz! Just givin u heds up :p ported an unreliable source. money money money with him.” 38 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 COFFEE Coffee BrBreakeak Editor Charlie Murdoch BREAK [email protected]

I’ve had an Stuff Imperial students like: aabsolute ‘mare 7. Lunch (free): CharlieChar Murdoch Coffee Break Editor ally a single word spoken, just to get Yo Davo, you heard about the lec- a free lunch., ture on counterbalance fuelled Let’s be honest, we’ve all done it menopause today? No mate, and haven’t we? You have no interest pparently I can’t spell, I haven’t seen for ages bothering me- it sounds like a pile of horse semen whatsoever in the subject, but the and judging by last maybe there’s a reason why we haven’t to be quite frank. You what? Mate, fact that you are going to get some week’s efforts here that met recently? That being said I man- there’s a free lunch at the end... Oh free sandwiches and save yourself is something I cannot aged to get on a 14 or 414 (don’t know sweet as a fucking honey roasted £2 is a big attraction. In my past I’ve dispute. It was like go- which) bus at South Kensington, going peanut! It is defiantly worth my even been to a lecture about PhD Aing back to the days of Mr Ravi Pall, towards Fulham, only to wake up on a while sitting in a lecture theatre opportunities... in my second year! where each week this space was guar- 22 in Waterloo. Not sure how that hap- being talked to by a mentalist in a Well, you have to keep all your op- anteed to have been filled with incom- pened as I am almost 100% sure I didn’t shell suit, not understanding liter- tions open don’t you? prehensible, poorly spelt drivel. But it get off the bus at any stage. Weird huh? Kerry Katona’s new advertising job was entertaining, incomprehensible, Seeing as I had a free weekend, I poorly spelt drivel! I will do my best to thought I’d go home to visit my mother improve the standard of this editorial, who has been giving me an ear bash- and I think have managed to formulate ing for a few months now. Never before a master plan that Dr. Evil will be proud have I received such a bollocking! The of. I am going to actually make an at- pinnacle was being told off for eating This week’s best of lol catz tempt to re-read what I write! This will too much... Seriously, that is the best however severely dent the amount of part about going home, you sit down to time that I can spend ‘working on my dinner, and wow! it’s not pasta. I per- degree’. And by ‘working on my degree’ sonally think she’s gone a tad mental I really mean ‘testing out the durability because when I was young she would of the bar’s tables and chairs’. And by always force feed me potatoes and ‘testing the durability of the bar’s tables meat to ‘build me up’. Or was that just and chairs’ I quite simply mean getting a sneaky ploy to make the huge pile of a bit tipsy. And by... well, I hope you get greens look smaller? the picture by now. Well I hope you’ve enjoyed my (large- Moving on to the events of my life ly correctly spelt) muttering, and if any this past week. I have to admit it’s of you readers out there would like to been a bit up and down really. It was fill this space please do. If you are a girl. my birthday- a day I never enjoy too And blond. And willing to give me a much. What with all these people who hug. And a kiss. Hockay bai. X

John Henry Newman: “To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often.” Quote of the Week Wordoku 1,445 Slitherlink 1,445

Solution 1444 E Z B O Solution 1444 123 2 3 A D B G ) ; O N E 223 3 O M B W Z N G ) B E O D A ; 3 1 2 2 1 3 O E ; N D A G ) B 3 3 232 1 3 1 2 W ; ) G O B E N D A 3 3 3 0 2 W O M E D A E ; N ) B G O 2 2 2 2 3 223 B O N D A G E ; ) 2 1 233 1 E ; O ) G D A B N 1 3 3 B E 3 323 G N A E ; B ) O D 3 22 2 2 A E M B ) B D A O N ; E G 221 3 1 2 3 E 1 1 2 M B A O W How to play: Harry Potter Trio won. Well done. Wordoku is identical to Usual crap. Send in results. I have R A Z I Sudoku; we’ve just replaced 3 122 3 2a headache and I’m hungry. I want numbers with letters. some eggs on toast and a mild gin Complete the puzzle and and tonic. Moon. Table. Phone. Harry Potter Trio won the team game and Zoë then send the whole grid to 3 2 1 3 2 3 3 Screen. Space fi lled! Dobell won the individual medley, so congrat- sudoku.felix@imperial. ulations all round. This week’s word is not the ac.uk. You will not get credit How to play: most used in conversation, but feel free to have for just the word alone. It’s not 2 22 1 2 a gander and then send the solution. an anagram. It’s quite simple, all numbers are in a cell and must be surrounded with 2 2 3 3 a corresponding number of lines. Scribble box Lines cannot split and there can only be one continuous line. Any 2 cells with no numbers can have any 3 1 3 2 2 number of lines. Look at the solu- tion above for help. felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 39 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK Intersection 1,445 FUCWIT How to play: Solve the clues (given in order: top-to-bottom & left- League Table to-right) and fit the answers into the grid. Only letters contributing to the horizontal answers (and blank spaces) TTeams:eams: may occupy the middle section. Not all columns contain a vertical answer. There are no empty rows or columns in the Harry Potter Trio 56 Points solution. Look at the solution below for help. The Tough Brets 49 Points Send your solutions to [email protected] I Hate Medic scum 9 Points Individuals:Individuals: Well done to last week’s winner L Parchso or something. It would be really helpful if you do include a name when you Matthew Colvin 62 Points enter, or we are all left scratching our heads a bit. You see? In Bethan Matthews 24 Points fact a bloke who sold me a spanner called Dave might have won, but I’m now all that sure. Ying Liang 12 Points

The Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tournament League is Solution 1444 Horizontal: Scribble box new and improved, with prizes for both the winning team and the win- 1) Forest confab? (anagram) (6,6) ning individual. 2) Hydroelectricity, biofuels, solar energy (9) A C 3) Property of ‘green plastics’ (13) Y D A So you get points for doing the puzzles and at the end of the year, the E E V winning team and the winning individual will win an iPod nano! Vertical: R A E 5 points for the 1st correct answers for all puzzles on these pages, 4 1) Inaccurate/ containing mistakes (8) S T A R T E R points for 2nd, 3 points for 3rd, 2 points for 4th and 1 point for 5th. Dou- 2) Bowl, stem and foot (9) R E D H E R R I N G ble points will be awarded for cryptic crossword answers. 3) Dry and sardonic (3) B I R T H D A Y 4) Washcloths (british) (8) O S O R I Now then FUCWITs, answers to [email protected]. Go! 5) American national sport (8) N H C A T 6) A summer treat (3,5) Y K P

Nonogram 1,445 5 4 5 Going Underground 1 1 1 1 1 1 How to play: 5 7102 1 1412 4 Well done to David Blundell Each letter in the alphabet is assigned a The numbers represent the size and order of blocks in each from The Tough Brets who man- value, 1-26 (see table) and every word column and row. There must be at least one space between 5 1 1 aged to find GOLDHAWK ROAD, has a value equal to sum of the values each block. See last week’s solution below for more help. the correct answer. However of its letters. Scan and send the Un- 4 1 Harry Potter Trio found an alternative derground station that is hidden each solution of LONDON BRIDGE. Nice. week to [email protected] Solution 1444 4 Winner last week was 1 3 1 2 3 4 2 5 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 4 1 a another fresh face. 3 5 5 1332 2 3 1 So big hand to Zoë 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 1 Dobell for managing 4 1 1 to get the correct 2 3 3 B A N K answer in no later = 28 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. 1 1 4 than Friday before 2 1 14 11 1 4 I went the bar. So 7 1 6 1 that’s probably before 3 1 2 So which London tube station sums to 104? 6 2 about 5 o’clock. Please 7 1 carry on sending in 4 1 2 1 solutions, and we’ll ______carry on making them = 104 3 2 6 1 up for y’all.

sstrucktruck “Dear Mr Rector. You must be a bit “You were the girl who I asked if you and my knob is that big!” ffelixelix LLoveove down after your sacking resignation, minded showing me your massive Canoe Boy I’ve been there before and I know boobs. You said yes at which point you how we all need shoulders to cry on. boob punched me in the face. Forget “I have a crazy number of flavoured 07726 799 424 I hope you will accept my offer of a the blood and broken nose, I loved it. condoms and despite my best ef- quick blowie on the top of the Queen’s Let me see them again!” forts, I can’t use them. Halp” Tower. Then after that we can move Boob-Punched Tell me what’s your flavour Seen that special on and have sex in literally every sin- person? Could be gle room in college. This is to include “To the girl with massive nipples. You “I saw you at council through a let- all student rooms too. Hollar me back showed the whole of dBs that you terbox slit. Too scared to say hi, but the one? Want to if your interested.” could actually fit 6 CDs onto them if I do will you say hi back to me? Really wanting a first when erect. That made something else Maybe more?.” see them again? in my proximity very erect too.” C&G VP Finance “Saw your nipple through your t-shirt Jiz struckstruck the other day. I was turned on to “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- Text LLoveove maximum... want to help me back “Am I pleased to see you or has some- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- to get a free union down to a normal operating level?” one just put a canoe in my pocket? No HHH. I have AIDS. Threesome?” Royal Enfield I really am that pleased to see you, Your lover lunch together! 40 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 COFFEE BREAK [email protected] A quickie (crossword) 1,445

1 2 3 3 4 5 6 7 ACROSS 4 Purveyor of intoxicating beverages (6) 8 8 1 Class - Rancid (4) 5 Crap liqueur - Socially Prohibited Solution 1444 3 “Come on Tabby, I think that’s _ (5) ______. I said you could have a 6 2nd hang banger (4-3) A R C H OA F R E E L O V E 9 10 bite of my pasty, but not all that! 7 Not love (4) U O L O D A E R I D R U X No you take it. Stick it up your 8 Metal rods, connecting the hub to T H E P I T S O D O G M A 10 arse!” (1,3,4) the rim (6) O G A D P D I T E R A P M 9 Cutting tool - Motorbike - 13 Marine mammal’s water-shooter B A N J O AR S T R I N G CH A U D A L E T A NA S I R S 11 12 Helicopter - Trouser-snake (7) (8) 10 Mammarific French city (5) 15 Piratical term; typically when they H E L M E T AL T A I C H I N L U F AR N M O Y L E Y S 11 Arabic French city (5) are pulling something in (5-2) 13 F E V E N L Y RA E L E G Y 12 Instantly (2,4) 17 Fast (6) S K V L A I O G A P M T P 14 Horrified (6) 18 Flaming heat - US street sausage O N I O N T P A Y C A S H 14 15 14 16 17 16 Relating to the stars (or Van’s (3,3) A L E H C T I A E N I L U weeks?) (6) 20 Spook (5) P U S S Y C A T T P L U S 19 Barter (6) 22 Cook in dry heat - Court lady 16 18 18 21 Tell/Hood’s bullet (5) Premier League style? (5) 24 Mission statement (5) 23 Cups (anag.) (4) 16 19 20 21 22 25 Type of hero - Only if you think you’re hard enough? (4,1,2) Scribble box 23 21 22 26 Gland found nestling up a man’s Dr Science! is back an he has taken his “pipe” (8) horrible Chemistry fluids and thrown 27 Glandular eye infection (4) them all over the opposition. No seri- 24 25 ously it’s so nice to have you back, and DOWN if you help me with my Chemistry I’ll 24 give you a whole extra point. Literally 1 Player of guitars, shagger of girls, one whole point! In other news SEND 26 27 drinker of JD, talker of bollocks YOUR ANSWERS IN!!!!! etc...? (4,4) 2 Lethal rope form (5) Crossword by Peter Logg

Horoscopes as they bloody should be- so bum sex off I write these, not you. The sooner you learn that and go back to touching your sister inappropriately the better

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

Want some atten- Did you catch the Madonna? Course you Green Week is soon so tion? Why don’t you meteor shower this fucking would! Sure, here are some tips to be piss off the nation’s week? Of course you she’s over 50 and has eco-friendly: 1) Don’t farmers by slaughter-  didn’t, you live in  become a man but  use condoms, latex is  ing all their cattle, the murky shithole she’s still Madonna! non-biodegradeable. 2) then convince the that is Laandan! Well Think hard about it, Every person contrib- whole world they’re going to die from swine these shooting stars have serious astrological you would be fucking Madonna. No? How about utes 17,000 tonnes of CO2 to the atmosphere a flu. Then top it off by demanding that every consequences for your horoscopes. Good news the ginger from Desperate Housewives? No? Not year, help this by killing the child after raping it. student pays extortionate, lifetime-debt induc- is that you’ll finally lose your virginity, bad even our beloved monarch Queen Lizzie? You 3) Rising sea levels will soon flood our coastlines, ing fees whilst pocketing a 370K paycheque news is that you’ll strangle her in your sleep. boring cunt! You would definately do Jeff Goldb- let’s relocate Blackpool now...to fucking Mongo- before finally fucking off. Twat. Don’t worry mate, we’ve all been there. lum though? Oh Yeah, thought as much. lia! (Honestly, I do love Tower World)

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

Your house is liter- If you say Fail, Gash, You have always found New from Hasbro! ally falling to pieces. A Izzit or any other it hard to speak to The Miss Universe leak in the bathroom shitty street slang/ girls. Everyone you Threesome Sex Tape has the caused the Internet speak again approach wrinkles and Playset!. Includes  kitchen ceiling to fall  to me again, I swear looks away in disgust. camcorder, lube in, leaving a massive I will fuck you up for You can’t understand and Viagra for pre- hole. At least you can have a chat with whoever’s good (with a big knife mind, I’m not actually every person seems to hate being being in your pubescents (biglittleboyTm). Renact all the classic cooking dinner whilst you’re on the shitter. Drop as hard as I sound). And what’s with the saying company. Have ever considered it is because scenes with your school friends such as upside a nice big chocoloate log in the curry. It’ll probably ‘butters’? I’m sitting on the bus and some kid you’re a fish? You smell like a sweaty clunge down deepthroat and reverse cowboy anal. Buy make it taste better than the crap you cooked on says Tinchy Stryder is ‘butters’. What the fuck and flapping around on the floor in a waterless now with the Miss Japan’s guide to amateur porn Wednesday night! has shitty hip hop got to do with butter?! environment is not attractive either. dialogue. (Exclusive to Toys ‘R’ Us, £45)

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

Trying to convert For the past six Have you ever I don’t need to tell you women to any religion months I’ve been wondered which that the Miss Universe in a attempt to get campaigning to have legend added a ‘p’ to sex tape is some good some pussy is a terri- this star sign renamed the Imperial College shit, you already know. ble idea but apparently  to Stupid Talentless sign on the South You happened upon it’s all the rage these Annoying Syphillis Ken underpass. Well it whilst innocently days. Give it a shot then! ‘Jo Hos’ seem to be the Ridden Fame Hungry Dog Faced Bitch. Stasrfhd I had the honour of meeting him and today I browsing the interweb and it wasn’t long before most experienced so now you have an excuse for doesn’t roll off the tongue very well so I went for exclusively reveal his name. Let me introduce to your hand was on your cock. 43 seconds later and stalking that fittie next door. “Ahem, have you Jade Goody instead. Apparently this is in ‘bad you (Drum Roll) Jack Offalot. This is what Jack with no toliet roll you desperately searched for heard the word of...” Oh fuck this, God is boring. taste’ though. Can someone tell me what the fuck had to say about his famous letter: “I thought it somewhere to wipe. Now everyone’s asking where Go back to trusty Rohypnol, it works every time. bad taste is? would be...” I couldn’t be arsed to listen after that. you got your hairgel from. Pint? felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 41 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK Aunty McPickle says all your problems are real. Oh dear

Dear Aunty McPickle,

My girlfriend is a recently qualified gynaecologist; she deals a lot with old women. Personal hygiene is not one of her fortes and since becoming a doctor it hasn’t improved. She always has dirty finger nails and they have started to get really bad, to the point where I just try to blank it out. To add to this, during sex she often expresses her pleasure by digging her nails into my back. I have developed some pussy pustules which look infected. What should I do? Sorry Granddad, but two things: 1) she’s taken, and 2) ew seriously what the fuck? Terry Bourbons

putting her hands in any more granny Dear Jack, Dear Aunty McPickle, it and so have received nothing but Dear Terry fannies for a while. praise from my friends but I am now This does sound traumatic. It might be I have just returned from a trip to haunted with visions of decompos- It looks like you seriously need to ad- Aunty McPickle xxx best to not bring this up. He clearly has Amsterdam with my old mates from ing poonanas. dress this. She needs to clean! Tell her no idea that you caught him and it re- school. As you can imagine some simply that unless she keeps herself ally isn’t doing anyone any harm. pretty un-holy things happened but Will Fezito scrubbed, you are not going to touch Dear Aunty McPickle, Maybe next time you should be a lit- one has scarred me mentally. Ba- her. Be careful, though, as women can tle bit more cautious about entering sically it took place in a dark hall, often go longer without sex from their On a recent visit home, I walked in rooms and your choice of seat. Consid- where a massively fat prostitute was Dear Will partners than men. This is usually on my granddad having a wank over er buying him some sofa covers. People doing loads of tricks which involved because they can get more action else- Coronation Street. He was making that age tend to prefer neutral colours, pulling things out of her vagina. This I think you should see a counsellor where because they have tits. strange groans and crying out “Dei- such as beige or a light grey, but so that was all reasonable but then she came about this. I think maybe some hypno- So if she holds out longer than you do dre”. At the time I was horrified and it is easier to clean up, consider buying over to me with a banana wedged tism may be needed to help you blank – which is likely – don’t find a prosti- screamed “you dirty old man” at him those plastic covers old people seem to between her poon-lips. I was asked this scented scene out. Otherwise, you tute, as you’ll have to pay her extra to but thankfully he did not notice me. I love. to eat the slippery banana. I had do may have to wait until scientists dis- ignore the pustules. Make an anony- now feel I was too harsh in my initial it. It smelt worse than shit. I can’t cover mindbleach. mous complaint to her hospital when disgust. How should I confront him? Hope this clears up, explain how bad it was but some- you get your back looked at. She may thing was definitely rotten and it Yours, lose her job, but at least she’ll not be Jack Offman Aunty McPickle xxx wasn’t the fruit. I managed to do Aunty McPickle xxx Old school carolling collections

Yes, the rumours are true (though, un- some sort of ransom – and we’ll keep wonderful event. less you’re a hack, you probably haven’t you informed on how things turn out! Our main carolling event will take heard any of these rumours). We, RAG, On another note, with Christmas- place on the 14th of December be- are currently in possession of a decep- time coming up remarkably fast, RAG tween 18:00 and 19:00, when RAG will tively heavy CGCU mascot which goes has managed to secure some insanely team up with the Main Choir to have by the name of Bolt (pretty creative, awesome carol singing permits! Our a carol singing/collection on a massive since it actually is a bolt...). He/she/ very own choir will be using their an- stage in, wait for it, Trafalgar Square! It it is being held in a secret location, gelic voices to enchant passersby into will be right under the huge Christmas gagged and blindfolded (but well fed sparing some change for our charities. tree and we will be taking along 15-20 nevertheless). The first carol singing session is on collectors for this. Late at night, it cries for its dear older Friday, the 4th of December at Green To make sure that you don’t miss out brother, Spanner. Poor thing. We have Park Station and it will be led by the on either of these wonderful Yuletide approached the CGCU with a proposal Imperial College Chamber Choir. We collection opportunities, e-mail RAG for its handover – possibly involving are taking along 5-7 collectors to this at [email protected]. Don’t worry. You won’t have to dress like this, unless of course you want to 42 felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 SPORT [email protected]

a goal out of a number of attempts by Imperial to clear the ball. This was fol- Gaelic Sports in lowed by Keith Laverty, now playing at centre-forward, converting two scores. high spirits The score stayed the same until half- time: Imperial 0-2, John Mitchel’s 1-0. Unfortunately playing with the wind Continued from page 38 in the first half again meant we would always be vulnerable in the second chotomy in our performance against half, and Mitchel’s managed to break St. Gabriel’s. The first half saw them free to convert a few points. free to attack at will while in the sec- Some great saves and long clearances ond period, they were put under much from the Imperial defence, with rookie more pressure and found it harder to Jamie Sanders showing some great burst forward. In the end they were too courage, slowed the opposition attack strong. down, and allowed our forwards to After this, Gabriel’s and Mitchel’s convert some more scores. played the leader-deciding match of As the final whistle blew, John Mitch- the group, with Gabriel’s coming out el’s came out tops, but not without a on top. very respectable display from Imperial. It was decided that the winners of So that was it for our championships a play-off between Imperial and John this year. All that was left to do was to Mitchel’s would play, along with St. get very, very pissed on the bus back to Gabriel’s, in a semi-final against one the union and support the Irish foot- of the losing teams from the Cup ball team against France in Da Vinci’s. competition. This is not the end of the season for So they took to the field again, and Imperial’s Hurling squad. made sure we gave the Intermediate The focus now for IC GAA turns champions a serious challenge. to Gaelic Football where this Sunday From the throw-in, Imperial bat- (20th) the men’s team are participating tled well, doggedly defending against in a blitz with Oxford and St. Mary’s Mitchel’s attacks. Against the run of universities. Training continues as al- play however, they managed to forge Last week hurling, this week football for the meteoric Imperials Gaelic Sports Cub. ways on Wednesdays in Hyde Park.

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MondayM d 16th6t6 h NNovember Men’s 2nd 3 Rugby Men’s 5s vs RUMS 2s Golf Badminton (ULU) London South Bank University 3rd 1 Men’s 1st 87 Men’s 7s vs RUMS 4s Men’s 1st vs Brunel University West London 1st Challenge Cup King’s College Medicals 1st 8 Hockey Mixed 1s 8 Men’s 3rd 1 Vase Men’s 1st vs University of Kent 1st SOAS Mixed 1s 1 University of Essex 1st 6 Men’s 3rd 15 Football Men’s 6s vs Royal Veterinary College 2s Men’s 2nd vs Canterbury Christ Church Uni 2nd Imperial College Medicals 3rd 17 Men’s 3rd vs Brunel University West London 3rd Netball (ULU) ULU Sunday 22nd November Men’s 4th vs University of Sussex 2nd Women’s 1s 12 Men’s 4s 2 BUCS Cup Football (ULU) Women’s 1st vs University of Chichester 2nd RUMS 1s 27 St Bart’s 2s 1 Men’s 4th 7 Women’s 1s vs King’s College Medicals 2s Women’s 2nd vs Buckinghamshire New University 1st LSE 2nd 10 ULU Women’s 2s 36 Men’s 5s 1 Rugby (ULU) Men’s 2s ULU vs RUMS 1s King’s College 13 Queen Mary 3s 5 Squash Women’s 1s vs King’s College Medicals 1s Men’s 5s ULU vs RUMS 3s Men’s 4th 0 Women’s 3s 16 Men’s 6s 1 University of Surrey 2nd 3 Monday 23rd November Lacrosse LSE 4s 8 Goldsmiths 2s 6 Basketball (ULU) Men’s 1st vs Canterbury University 1st BUCS Promotion Play-off Women’s 1s vs St George’s Medical School 1s Women’s 1st vs University of Essex 1st Women’s 4s 7 Men’s 7s 1 Men’s 1st 4 SOAS 1s 12 Royal School Mines 1s 3 Leeds Metropolitan Carnegie 1st 1 Netball (ULU) Netball Women’s 2s vs Imperial College Medicals 2s Women’s 1st vs University of Hertfordshire 2nd Squash (ULU) Hockey BUCS Cup Challenge Cup Women’s 2nd vs Brunel University West London 5th Men’s 2s 4 Men’s 1st 3 Men’s 3rd 0 Women’s 1s vs Imperial College Medicals 1s Women’s 3rd vs Royal Holloway 3rd LSE 1s 1 University of Brighton 1st 5 University of Reading 1st 3 BUCS Cup Wednesday 25th November Rugby Men’s 4s 5 Women’s 1st 9 Tennis Badminton Men’s 1st vs RUMS 1st LSE 4s 0 University of Reading 3rd 0 Men’s 1st 4 Men’s 1st vs University of Portsmouth 1st Men’s 2nd vs University of Hertfordshire 1st UCL 1st 6 Men’s 2nd vs Royal Holloway 1st Men’s 3rd vs Kingston University 2nd Women’s 1s 5 ULU Women’s 1st vs UCL 1st Men’s 4th vs City University London 1st St George’s 1s 0 Women’s 2s 9 Women’s 1st 5 Women’s 1st vs UCL 1st Imperial College Medicals 2s 2 University of Brighton 1st 5 Basketball Water Polo (ULU) Men’s 1st vs King’s College Medicals 1st Squash Mixed 1s 7 Lacrosse BUCS Cup Men’s 2nd vs University of Sussex 1st King’s College 1s 6 Men’s 1st 14 Men’s 2nd 6 Fencing Men’s 3rd vs University of Kent 2nd University of Hertfordshire 1st 11 Royal Veterinary College 1st 4 Men’s 1st vs UCL 1st Men’s 4th vs Buckinghamshire New University 1st Wedensday 18th November Men’s 2nd vs Brunel University West London 1st Women’s 1st vs University of Reading 1st Badminton Women’s 1st 8 Saturday 21st November Men’s 3rd vs University of London 2nd Men’s 1st 6 King’s College 1st 7 Fencing Women’s 2nd vs UCL 1st Table Tennis KIng’s College 1st 2 Tournament (BUCS) Men’s 1st vs LSE 1st Netball (BUCS Cup) Women’s 1st vs University of Bristol 1st Football Basketball (BUCS Cup) Women’s 1st 48 Women’s 1st vs Oxford University 1st Men’s 1st vs St Mary’s University College 4th Tennis Men’s 1st 59 Brunel 4th 40 Women’s 1st vs University of Cambridge 1st Men’s 2nd vs RUMS 1st Men’s 1st vs King’s College 1st Canterbury Christ Church 1st 74 Women’s 1st vs Queen Mary, University of London 1st Men’s 3rd vs Imperial College Medicals 2nd Men’s 2nd vs LSE 2nd Women’s 3rd 2 Women’s 1st vs Brunel University West London 2nd Women’s 1st vs University of Portsmouth 1st Football University of Brighton 2nd 69 Football (ULU) ULU BUCS Cup Men’s 1s vs LSE 1s Men’s 5s ULU vs Royal Holloway 4s Volleyball (ULU) Men’s 1st 5 Men’s 2s vs UCL 1s Men’s 6s vs Royal Holloway 6s Challenge Cup London South Bank University 2nd 1 Men’s 4s vs UCL 6s Men’s 7s vs Imperial College Medicals 3s Mixed 1s vs UCL Mixed 1s felix FRIDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2009 43 [email protected] SPORT Controversy at qualifiers BUCS Cup progression for 1st XI felixSport’s Indy Leclercq offers perspective Mustapher Botchway Sports Editor perial went 1-0 up on the 15 minute scoreline which flattered Imperial as mark when Chauvet sent in a teasing sloppiness and lapses in concentration ere we go again. The quali- Having said that, I now say this: cross to Vallin, who brought it down was the theme of the first half. fying rounds for the 2010 Thierry Henry is cheating scum. For and shot past the goalkeeper to score The second half brought a slight im- football World Cup in those who don’t know what I’m talking Imperial College Men’s 1st XI 5 his first goal in his ICUAFC career. provement with Ferrol completing his South Africa came to an about, French captain Henry came up London South Bank Uni 2nd XI 1 Equilibrium was restored soon after, brace after latching onto a high ball Hend this week, and the stage is now with the ugliest act of deceit since Ma- when South Bank scored from a loose- from Vallin, who on 75 minutes com- set for the biggest sporting event in radona’s famed ‘Hand of God’ to put South Bank 2nd XI were in the way ly conceded corner. pleted his brace after being a gifted a the world, kicking off next summer. his team into the finals . By keeping the of Imperial’s first team progressing to At 25 minutes a high clear out from goal from the opposing goalkeeper. Thirty-one teams, out of an initial two ball in play with his hand, NBA-style, the 3rd round of the BUCS cup, waters Botchway was flicked on from Chau- With the final score at 5-1 of a game hundred, made it through the qualifi- he managed to set up the goal that sent never previously ventured by the club. vet which led Swain to deliver a deep which would have been closer if South ers. Even if you couldn’t care less about France to the finals, at Ireland’s ex- Similar to the tie against the Imperial cross into Eshun, who capitalised= on Bank had a stronger defence and goal- Football, this is worth a moment’s con- pense. As a Frenchman, I’m obviously College Medicals 2nd XI in the first the poor goalkeeping by South Bank. keeper, the 1st XI progress to the 3rd sideration. 200 teams is more than the delighted that my country managed round, College went into the game cau- Five minutes later, Ferrol again con- round which is set to be a riveting en- number of members of the UN. It is to qualify but deeply ashamed that it tious, but not complacent or pre-emp- tinued his record of scoring in every counter against Reading 1st XI. probably even more than the number had to be through such a dishonest act. tive of a victory against South Bank, a game he’s played after reacting quickly A special mention to the 2nd XI who of different nationalities at Imperial As such, I would like to apologise on team 3 divisions below in BUCS. from a through ball from Chauvet. on the adjacent pitch, emerged 3-1 vic- College. Henry’s behalf to any Irish people out After a sluggish and sloppy start, Im- 3-1 up at half time was certainly a tors against South Bank 3rd XI. The World Cup is one of the most there. You deserved to go to the World universal contests there is; something Cup. In the name of our common ha- that literally every country or nation tred for England, forgive us. Oh go on. has tried to take part in. The UK, Guinness? Parfait. and England in particular, comes to a In any case, thanks to my not-so- standstill for those four summer weeks distinguished countryman, France in a world cup year. The dip in em- in particular, and football as a whole ployee productivity and the rise in beer are going to be closely scrutinised in consumption are a well-documented the run-up to the summer. The ink phenomena. will flow in newspapers and the la- This time round, England easily ger will flow in endless pub debates. made their way through qualifying to If the players are allowed to get away the finals and (don’t say it too loudly) with cheating at the very highest level, are one of the more fancied teams to what message does that send to all the lift the trophy. Of course, the British youngsters who just enjoy kicking a tradition of the underdog means that ball about? Hopefully, once the tour- any England fan will hugely under- nament kicks off in June, we’ll let the play the lads’ chances in South Africa. football do the talking. Nevertheless, next summer, the entire South Africa are the first African nation will be holding its collective hosts ever, and they’ve promised a breath. In fact, every single one of the month of revelry that the whole conti- 32 countries taking part will be hold- nent will be able to bask in. Great goals ing their breaths. Football manages to will be scored, legends will be made bring people together in a way that no and for a while, people will remember other sport can. I believe it is called the why the beautiful game is so great. beautiful game for what it can do off Until all hell breaks loose as Eng- the pitch as well as for what happens land lose the final on a controversial From Left to Right (Back Row): Theocharis Tofis, David Sapin, Patrick McMullen, Matthieu Vallin, Nathan Ferrol, Leslie on it. penalty. Eshun. (Front Row): Romain Chauvet, William Swain, Mustapher Botchway (Captain), Jonathan Hill, Thomas Fryatt

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The hugely popular AEGON Masters, now in its 13th year, is staged at the prestig- ious Royal Albert Hall from 1-6 December. With confirmed players including Pat Rafter, Mark Philippoussis, Goran Ivanisevic, Pat Cash & Greg Rusedski plus many other legends, you can be assured of an exceptional standard of tennis this year.

This tournament offers the perfect combination of drama, tension and skill with competitive singles taking place in each session. The doubles event is more re- laxed but still makes for compelling and entertaining viewing, with wonderful dis- plays from crowd favourites Henri Leconte, Mansour Bahrami, Mark Woodforde.

For your chance to win a pair of premium tickets with drinks and sandwiches for the afternoon session on Saturday 5th December (Ivanisevic will play Rafter for the 1st time since the 2001 Wimbledon final) please answer the following question:

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Tickets to the AEGON Masters Tennis are now on sale - to book call Box Office on 020 8233 5882 or visit www.aegonmasterstennis.com 20

Send in your sport reports: . [email protected] 11 . felixSport High resolution photos only 09 IC at Hurls Champs

Finian McCann Hurling was beginning to show. Mitchel’s in the meantime managed to sneak in a goal and a couple of points. In the second In their maiden year of top-tier hurl- half, they took great advantage of the ing, Imperial gave a great account of wind, punishing some rookie mistakes themselves. Fielding in the Plate com- by Imperial. John Mitchel’s proved to petition, they found themselves in a be the clear victor in the end, with Im- group with a Birmingham Universities/ perial learning some vital lessons from Warwickshire select, Cambridge Uni- the game. versity, St. Gabriel’s (this year’s London After a very brief break, St. Gabriel’s Senior League and Championship win- took to the field against us. Imperial ners) and John Mitchel’s (British Inter- gave a spirited show at the start of the mediate Championships winners). game with some great challenges made The two club teams were always go- by Phil Jakeman and Padhraic Com- ing to be more experienced than us, erford; in the full-back line, Meath- but we knew we could give the two man Sean Dunne at corner-back and other universities a good challenge. Rostrevor native Eddie O’ Hare at However, both teams pulled out at full-back made some excellent dispos- the last minute, leaving Imperial as sessions and clearances under heavy the sole third-level competitor in this pressure from a determined Gabriel’s year’s Plate. attack. Chris Farrell in nets made some Not that this bothered us. We were vital saves but was eventually beaten by there to play hurling, and our first some well set-up shots from the Gabri- match was against John Mitchel’s. el’s full-forward line. Driven on by what can only be de- At half-time, it was clear that the scribed as a gale behind us, Imperial London champions would go on to played a very hard match against more win the match, but Imperial gave a experienced opposition. committed second-half performance, There was some great defensive work with West Belfast’s Stevie Gallagher by David Noonan at full-back and Neil eventually scrambling the sliothar over Clancy at centre-back, both showing the line in a goal mouth fracas. Buoyed that they were as proficient as their op- by their first score of the day, Impe- posite numbers. Keith Laverty led the rial continued to apply pressure on St way up front, with Kieran Heatley and Gabriel’s but the senior club’s experi- Mark Jennings applying at lot of pres- ence came to the fore again and again. sure in midfield. In the end, there was a clear di- As the first half wore on, Imperial’s lack of accuracy in front of the posts Continued on page 38

A mixed bag of results for ladies medicals basketball

HHannahannah BBarrettarrett Basketball thanks to the scoring of Rachel Carten vealing the inexperience of some of and excellent defensive rebounding of the ICSM players. The press caused new centre, Mariam Akinpeju. In the multiple turn-overs and Queen Mary’s The ICSM Ladies’ Basketball team third quarter, the tempo shifted to star players found the holes in ICSM’s played two games in the last fortnight. favour SOAS and ICSM found their zone. The half-court press gave the After the fusion of the two ULU divi- lead shrinking fast. Losing the lead in team difficulties, preventing outside sions, the ladies are facing tough com- the third quarter gave the medics the shooters from scoring. Though Akin- petition this season, having finished motivation they needed to get back in peju, Barrett and Lees opened up the fourth in the second division last year. the game with a run of three-pointers. zone with cuts, nobody’s shots were With new players, a new kit and more The game ended with a comfortable falling and, other than the occasional games than ever before, the team were 10 point cushion for the ICSM Ladies’, fast break, scoring was low. The game anticipating a challenge. The first with a final score of 43-33. went in Queen Mary’s favour and the game of the season was played at home The second game was away against final score was 51-23. ICSM Ladies’ against SOAS. Both sides seemed well- Queen Mary’s, another team who captained by Anita Ponnuthurai and matched at the start of the game and, at played in the higher division last year. coached by Hannah Barrett intend to the end of the first quarter, everything The going was tough from the begin- work on the mistakes made in the last was even. However, at the start of the ning with the fast-paced, aggressive game over the coming week in prepa- second quarter, ICSM took the lead, style of the well-practised team re- ration for their game against King’s.