Decolonizing Every Day: Exploring Relationships, Stories, and Practices for Decolonization by Zoe Patricia Miller A thesis submitted in conformity with the requirements for the degree of Adult Education and Community Development Graduate Department of Leadership, Higher and Adult Education Ontario Institute for Studies in Education University of Toronto © Copyright by Zoe Patricia Miller, 2016 Decolonizing Every Day: Exploring Relationships, Stories and Practices for Decolonization Master of Adult Education and Community Development, 2016 Zoe Patricia Miller Department of Leadership, Higher and Adult Education University of Toronto Abstract: In this thesis I reflect ethnographically on ‘every day’ experiences and stories that have shaped my own transformational learning about colonialism and decolonization to inspire and contribute to ongoing discussions and action on decolonization. The struggle of my close friend Natasha (Kwakwa̱ ka̱ ʼwakw) to uncover where she is from originally inspired me to ask similar questions of my settler family. In this research I have learned from: family members, Ancestors, friends and mentors, archival online data and importantly, Natasha, and her friends and family in the birth community she found after years of searching. This research in our respective communities shows the relationships of my family; to one another, Indigenous people on Turtle Island, the Land, Spirit and colonialism. It also demonstrates the vitality of life-giving worldviews and relationships with land, Spirit and each other; with emphasis on the importance of supportive and accountable relationships in decolonizing work. ii Acknowledgements I want to thank my spiritual psychotherapist and teacher and friend, Tiffany Lazic. Before coming to OISE I needed help healing from trauma. She helped me regain strength in the Knowing that I have always held in myself, but also always questioned. I am a stronger person because of her. I know the power of Love over Anger. She taught me about gift, about matriarchy, about the Old Ways, about my Ancestors, about my inner and innate knowledges. She reminded me to trust my gifts while practicing humility. Writing this thesis is a continuation of the healing and learning that she helped me embark on. It is a life-long healing, just as decolonization is a life-long commitment and process of healing. I would like to thank my instructors and classmates at OISE for widening my perspectives and deepening my understandings of complex (and often painful) subjects. The wealth of knowledge I have gained from my time with all of you is indescribable, and cannot be fully displayed in this one expression of my learning. Thank you for challenging me and helping me remain humble. I also learned much from my time working with the Centre for Women’s Studies in Education as a graduate assistant. Thank you Lakshya Dhungana, Sarah Anderson and Angela Lytle for all the learning and support you’ve given me. Angela- attending the Brigid Gathering last spring (because of your suggestion!) was a deeply transformative experience for me. Thank you for all of the spiritual support you have given me throughout my degree – even if some days it was just being able to know there was someone else on or around campus who Remembers like me. In particular, my advisor Angela Miles has been pivotal in encouraging me to write from my perspectives and has honoured my process –however unconventional- throughout. She gave me the great honour and opportunity to edit the first English language edition of Annine van der Meer’s extensive text, The Language of MA the Primal Mother: The evolution of the female image in 40,000 years of global Venus Art. I would also like to thank Annine for this gift, I gained so much from reading your work. Angela introduced me to many new concepts within matriarchal studies and the gift economy, and helped me face my fears around writing about the validity and importance of ancient and continuing matriarchal worldviews. Thank you so much Angela for all the time and effort you have spent with me to complete this project, I have gained immeasurably from your teaching and mentorship. As well, Jean-Paul Restoule was my instructor in multiple classes about Indigenous worldviews and perspectives throughout my degree and also was a secondary advisor to this project. A thank-you seems insufficient for the learning you have given me. I found ways to express knowledge in your classes through conversation, through new friendships, through art, through memory. You exposed me to a wealth of Indigenous scholarship that I may not have uncovered in my own research, and your classes inspired in me the need to contribute to scholarly discussions around decolonization, Indigenous sovereignty and spirituality. The focus on storytelling and relationships in my project is directly related to the learning that you facilitated in your classes. iii Of course, I could not have undertaken this project without my close friend, Natasha Pittman. You inspire me every day with your bravery and action. I value our friendship and how it has changed and grown and continued to thrive even across great distance and restraint. Thank you for asking me to come visit you in ʼYa̱ lis, and for introducing me to your family and friends. To Wayne, Vera, Eva, Andrea, Marcus, Emily, Alan, Stephanie and Donna (and others whose conversations were not used in the final project): thank you for welcoming me into your community. For talking to me, helping me learn, and showing me your side of Natasha’s u’mista story. Thank you for letting me share your stories in my project, and for (as Andrea said) “loving up” Natasha. I also thank my partner, Andrew Klein. He’s always there to listen even when he cannot necessarily help. Drew, thank you for teaching me what you have about healing and about personal change and growth. Thank you for doing all the things I didn’t have time to do, for supporting me in my strenuous schedule, for cooking food for me, for picking me up from work, for helping me remember to take time for myself and to relax (even though that last one I still struggle with). I am sure Drew would also suggest that I thank my cat, but it’s true. Whenever I am stressed out Ari’s antics and affection remind me how to laugh and play. My family has always supported me in my academic endeavours, even though they know how much of a struggle academia is and has been for me. My grandmother, Patricia Wilson, is a constant source of inspiration. Ever since I was a young girl, she taught me to remember my Ancestors and my relatives who have passed. She taught me how to take care of her peonies that are her mothers’. She cares for the graves of her grandparents and parents, and has shown me how it’s important to honour them and take care of them. She also helped me immensely in genealogical research by calling up every relative she could think of that could help me with sharing information. She provided many of the photos and primary information for this project and for rooting my family story research. My mom and dad have helped me overcome financial struggles while undertaking this research, but aside from that, are always there to hear my frustrations and help me uncover solutions. They have both inspired me deeply because of the learning that they have done by honouring the truths that I share with them. Thank you for being so unconditionally loving, for always showing me support even when you don’t know that you are. Thank you for honouring my transformational and ongoing changes, and for working on changing yourselves too. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS Prologue – Introduction ............................................................................................................................. 1 I. Definitions of Decolonization................................................................................................................ 1 II. Triad Analysis ...................................................................................................................................... 5 III. Self-Location ....................................................................................................................................... 7 IV. Purpose and Intent ............................................................................................................................ 12 V. A Note on Language .......................................................................................................................... 17 VI. Theoretical Perspectives and Background ........................................................................................ 20 i. Subjectivity and “Real Knowledge” ................................................................................................ 20 ii. Understanding Matriarchy: Life-giving vs. Death-centered Worldviews ...................................... 22 iii. The Relationship between European Patriarchy and Colonialism ................................................. 27 VII. Methodology and Methods .............................................................................................................. 34 i. Methodology .................................................................................................................................... 34 ii. Methods .......................................................................................................................................... 37 PART I – From Whence I Came: Critical Self-Storying as a Decolonizing Practice