Sex Addicts Anonymous

SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS CONFERENCE APPROVED MAY 2016 LITERATURE COMMITTEE APPROVED AUGUST 2004 © International Service Organization of SAA, Inc., 2005. No portion of this work may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the International Service Organization of SAA, Inc. All rights reserved First Edition First printing, May 2005 Second printing, June 2005 Third printing, October 2005 Fourth printing, July 2006 Second Edition First printing, August 2007 Second printing, March 2008 Third printing, September 2010 Third Edition First printing, December 2012 SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS is a registered trademark® of the International Service Organization of SAA, Inc. ISO P.O. Box 70949 Houston, TX 77270 800-477-8191 Website: http://www.saa-recovery.org E-mail: [email protected] ISBN 0-9768313-1-7 Printed in the United States of America CONTENTS Chapter Page Forward to Sex Addicts Anonymous, Third Edition viii Introduction 1 Chapter One: Our Addiction 3 Chapter Two: Our Fellowship Meetings 10 Sponsorship 13 Defining Abstinence 14 Chapter Three: Our Program The Twelve Steps of SAA 20 Step One 22 Step Two 25 Step Three 28 Step Four 31 Step Five 37 Step Six 40 Step Seven 43 Step Eight 45 Step Nine 48 Step Ten 52 Step Eleven 55 Step Twelve 58 Chapter Four: Our Life in Recovery Tools of Recovery 62 Withdrawal and Relapse 66 Healthier Sexuality 69 Outside Help 73 Chapter Five: Our Purpose Service 75 The Twelve Traditions of SAA 77 Tradition One 78 Tradition Two 79 Tradition Three 81 Tradition Four 82 Tradition Five 84 Tradition Six 86 Tradition Seven 87 v Tradition Eight 89 Tradition Nine 90 Tradition Ten 92 Tradition Eleven 94 Tradition Twelve 95 Conclusion: Keep Coming Back 97 The Steps Are the Spiritual Solution 99 Personal Stories 1. He Did Not Want to Be Alone 102 2. A Phone Call Saved Her Life 114 3. Becoming Whole 121 4. Making a Choice 125 5. Her Dreams Are Coming True 129 6. A New Way of Life 132 7. No Need to Figure It Out 136 8. A Nun and a Sex Addict 139 9. Free in Prison 143 10. Sexual Anorexic 145 11. Still Growing Spiritually 149 12. Tragic Consequences, Great Rewards 154 13. This Is What Works 158 14. Living Amends 161 15. Two Worlds Collide 167 16. Another Door Opens 174 17. An End to Isolation 180 18. Many Hurdles to Jump 182 19. A Higher Source 188 20. Two Surrenders 194 21. Out of the Parking Lots 198 22. Staying on the Path 205 23. Growing Up 208 24. A New Past 213 25. From Insanity to Serenity 215 26. Abstinence Is the Foundation 225 27. Powerless Priest 228 28. Working the Program 231 29. A New Journey 236 30. A Time to Grow 240 31. Breaking the Silence 244 32. The Peace of Recovery 249 vi 33. A Life Calling 255 34. Now She Has Hope 263 35. The Road to Reconciliation 266 36. Being “Normal” 271 37. Self-Acceptance 274 38. By God’s Grace 282 39. One of the Chosen People 285 40. More Will Be Revealed 291 41. It Works if We Work It 294 42. The Gift of Sobriety 299 43. The Key to Healing 303 44. Tough Love 306 45. Dreams Restored 314 46. Steps to Freedom 318 vii FOREWARD TO THE THIRD EDITION The book you hold in your hands, the fi rst full-length book by the fellowship of Sex Addicts Anonymous, was produced in response to the expressed need of our members for a text providing an overview of our program of recovery from sexual addiction. It includes descriptions of our addiction as we have experienced it; the purpose and structure of our groups; the vital importance of sponsorship as a guide through the program; the process by which members defi ne their abstinence from addictive sexual behaviors; and the Twelve Steps of SAA. Other areas of interest included are various “tools” used by members; and the Twelve Traditions of SAA, which guide our groups and their service committees in the task of carrying our message of recovery. Following the text, we have included personal stories from members sharing their experience, strength, and hope regarding their addiction and recovery. ! is book was not intended to be a complete instructional workbook covering every aspect of working the steps. As we grow in experience and wisdom, we trust that more literature will be written to address the developing needs of our fellowship as they are expressed. ! e ultimate tool of recovery is the recovering sex addict. Our commitment to helping other sex addicts seeking recovery, and our working together towards that common goal, carry the message of SAA more than any piece of literature could. Each member’s experience of working the steps ultimately determines how recovery looks. Here we must emphasize what is often stated in the text itself: the importance of working with a sponsor in order to gain the full benefi ts of our program. Not alone, but together, through a Power greater than ourselves, we can and do recover from sexual addiction. In this faith, in the spirit of selfl ess service, and with profound gratitude for the gift of recovery we have received, we off er this book to sex addicts who are seeking a new way of life. viii title INTRODUCTION We are sex addicts. Our addiction nearly destroyed our lives, but we found freedom through the recovery program of Sex Addicts Anonymous. In the fellowship of SAA, we discovered that we are not alone and that meeting regularly together to share experience, strength, and hope gives us the choice to live a new life. Our addictive sexual behavior was causing pain—to ourselves, our friends, and our loved ones. Our lives were out of control. We may have wanted to quit, making promises and many attempts to stop, yet we repeatedly failed to do so. For each of us, there came a moment of crisis. When we finally reached out for help, we found recovery through the program of SAA. We have found, through long and painful experience, that we are unable to achieve recovery from sexual addiction through our own efforts. Our program is based on the belief, confirmed by our experience, that a Power greater than ourselves can accomplish for us what we could not do alone. By surrendering our addiction to a Higher Power, we receive the gift of recovery, one day at a time. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although we are not affiliated with AA or any other organization, we are deeply grateful to AA for making our recovery possible. Our primary purpose is to stop our addictive sexual behavior and to help others recover from sexual addiction. We find a new way of living through the SAA program, and carry our message to others seeking recovery. Membership is open to all who have a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our fellowship is open to women and men, regardless of age, race, religion, ethnic background, marital status, or occupation. We welcome members of any sexual 1 SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS identity or orientation, whether they are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, or transgender. In our groups, there is a collective wisdom that has grown and been handed down over the years. We learn many new solutions to old problems. Central to these are the Twelve Steps, a spiritual program of recovery. Following these steps leads to freedom from addictive sexual behaviors and to the healing of our minds, bodies, spirits, relationships, and sexuality. Desperation brought us together. We found in each other what we could find nowhere else: people who knew the depth of our pain. Together we found hope and the care of a loving Higher Power. Our commitment is to help others recover from sexual addiction, just as we have been helped. This book contains our stories and our wisdom. It is dedicated to sex addicts everywhere. 2 CHAPTER ONE OUR ADDICTION Before coming to Sex Addicts Anonymous, many of us never knew that our problem had a name. All we knew was that we couldn’t control our sexual behavior. For us, sex was a consuming way of life. Although the details of our stories were different, our problem was the same. We were addicted to sexual behaviors that we returned to over and over, despite the consequences. Sex addiction is a disease affecting the mind, body, and spirit. It is progressive, with the behavior and its consequences usually becoming more severe over time. We experience it as compulsion, which is an urge that is stronger than our will to resist, and as obsession, which is a mental preoccupation with sexual behavior and fantasies. In SAA, we have come to call our addictive sexual behavior acting out . Acting out altered our feelings and consciousness, and we found this altered state very desirable. The obsession and rituals that led up to the sex act itself were part of the “high.” We sought this addictive high repeatedly, preferring it to many other activities, and feeling our compulsions more strongly than our basic needs to eat, drink, sleep, or be safe. These compulsive desires were irresistible, persistent, and insatiable. They went off like alarms in our heads that made it difficult to focus on anything else. When we wanted to act out, the urge didn’t go away. Nor did we feel satisfied when we got our “fix.” Instead, the more we acted out sexually, the more we wanted to act out.

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