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Silence of the Pigs…,Pancake Pictures…

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Silence of the Pigs…,Pancake Pictures… Two faced… I received a comment this morning on my recent blog post about being Jealous of Peppa Pig because she is living life to the max. The Ski trips, sunny holidays, trips to the shops, museums, you name it, she’s done it. And I hate her for it. She has done more than me in her lifetime…and she is only 4. I digress, I received a comment on it by the wonderful R is for Hoppit (do check out her blog, she is just hilarious) and she said I shouldn’t be too jealous of Peppa because she can only see what’s going on, on one side of her head due to the positioning of her eyes, so she is missing out on all the other fun things that are going on the other side. Just Brilliant and a very valid point. () This cracked me up, and also got me thinking… (Which we should all know by now is dangerous in itself) What is on the other side of Peppa’s face?? Maybe she has a good and bad side like most of us do when it comes to cameras…? After some research (and maybe photoshop) I made a shocking discovery. She only has makeup done on one side of her face, her good side. The bad side is, well, take a look for yourselves…it’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Sleep well tonight children…. An all time low… I’m coming to realise part of my hatred for Peppa Pig may be due to jealousy. Yes, really. Yesterday, in 30 minutes of episodes alone she: 1. Went to the theatre 2. Went to Italy on holiday 3. Saw her friends and ate biscuits and juice. 4. Went to a museum. That’s not just out. That’s OUT out…and she doesn’t even say thank you to Mummy or Daddy pig. Rude. In my equivalent 30 minutes I: 1. Changed a sh*tty nappy. 2. Found a missing sock that had been missing for some time (height of excitement being able to reunite that with its sock sibling again…) 3. Emptied the dishwasher. 4. Loaded the dishwasher. 5. Cleaned a smashed up Fondant Fancy off the tv cabinet and a Thomas the Tank engine train (yes, the toddler has been at it again!) 6. Emptied the bins. So, as you can see, i would say that in a game of “whose had the most mundane and tedious day” top trumps, I’d probably win. #whathasbecomeofme #pigout #pigoutout Silence of the Pigs… Peppa sodding pig. A spoilt little brat. A know it all. A walking, talking pork pie. If you hadn’t guessed, she drives me up the wall, and sadly my boys think she’s brilliant. My 2 year olds bedroom is like a shrine to her, my 6 year old sings the songs loud and proud like they’re the national anthem of our country and the 8 year old pretends to hate it but secretly, he loves it. My bugbears with Peppa ‘pork chop’ Pig are… 1. Muddy puddles. Yes, I know these are fun, and at the weekend or after school, whatever. Knock yourselves out kids. Splash, jump, lie down, bathe in them, I don’t care, but on the way to school? In uniforms? No. Not a bloody chance. Even in Wellies. The muddy water goes right up the inside of the trousers, all over their coats and then they look and smell like Stig of the dump for the rest of the day. No Peppa pig, muddy puddles are not always fun. Do me a favour and go jump in a deep one… 2. Mr Potato. Seriously? WTAF?? A singing, dancing Potato?? (Yes I know, because all the other characters are so believable too….) It’s not so much him I have the problem with but, quite often, my kids will watch this crap at dinner time. Sometimes they’ll have potatoes for dinner, in the form of mash, chips, waffles, smiley faces, croquettes (I could list more potato products but I won’t as I’m already ashamed i can name so many…) and on more than one occasion, the appearance of Mr Potato has caused a dinner table kerfuffle because my children couldn’t be seen to be eating poor Mr Potato or any of his relatives…yes really. They thought they had become cannibals. Add to that the fact they’re often eating PORK sausages along withtheir potato products and you have yourselves a full on Defcon:5 situation. Peppa pig cannibalism of the highest order… 3. Peppa pig causes the Daily Fail, sorry, I clearly meant Daily Mail, column crap spouters, to write shite like this (Daily Mail: I’ve banned my children from watching Peppa Pig) – basically saying that Peppa Pig is the sole reason for their child’s questionable behaviour. You’ve got to be kidding me… Peppa Pig is not the sole reason your child is stomping their feet, or bossing their younger sibling about, or answering you back. It’s got everything to do with the fact that this is what kids do (and the parent writes for the Daily Mail…that’s enough to make anyone rebel and act like an utter wazock) Kids all behave like this from time to time and that’s what makes Peppa Pork Chop so wonderful to them. They can relate to her. I’m not saying I like her anymore because of this, but I’m saying I understand the appeal of her from a kids point of view. Unfortunately. 4. Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig never loose their sh*t. Ever. They’re so bloody calm. Even when Peppa has spoken to them like poo on the bottom of her shoe, they still laugh and giggle at her. I’d be like, “No. Nope, I don’t think so young lady. You don’t stamp your feet, shout and squeal because you want some chocolate cake, or have a tantrum because you want to take your pet goldfish for a ride on the bus, go and sit on the naughty step and think about your behaviour!”. And they never drink. Not once have I seen Daddy pig crack open a beer after a crap day of drawing important shapes at the office, nor mummy pig pour a gin after a very strenuous game of Happy Mrs Chicken… So there we have it. My bug bears with Peppa Pig revealed. Now to shut the pig up once and for all…if I can’t stick an apple in her mouth to do it, I’ll use a Hannibal mask. The madness cannot continue!!!! The pig must be silenced…. #silenceofthepigs #endthemadness Pancake Pictures… For goodness sake. All day I’ve seen articles (NETMUMS!!), had emails, Pinterest suggestions and news stories on amazing pancake designs. Here’s a few of them… WTF?! How? Why? Don’t get me wrong, they’re all amazing (and I’m just bitterly jealous I’m utterly crap at baking/cooking) but seriously, do these people not have other things to be getting on with?! The closest my kids will be getting to Peppa Pig pancakes are these… Mmmm…bacon Pancakes Good luck to you all in your quest for pancake perfection this evening. May the force be with you. How my pancakes will probably look… .
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