r------~-----

T~E

"The press is the best instrument for enlightening the mind of man."-Thomas Jefferson Volume XXXill.V, Number 1 1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 June 22, 1999 Driver Error Causes Footbridge Collapse Investigation Continues, Charges Pending

TRACY SOLTESZ 695 just as three vehicles collided Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff with the rubble. The trailer contin­ ued northbound on the Beltway, Investigation of a multiple motor also colliding with the Westland vehicle collision continues this Boulevard overpass. week as the Maryland State Police Robert Taylor, 54, of Baltimore CRASH team decides whether to was killed by the collision while his file charges against the driver of a passenger, Regina Brehon, 51, was tractor trailer responsible for the ac­ injured and taken by helicopter to cident. ShockTrauma. Henri Williams, 27, "When the police complete their of Westminster and Elizabeth Free­ Amy Banowetz I Retriever Weekly Staff report, they will tum it over to the man of Catonsville were also in­ Construction Continues: The new residence hall, between the library and Center Road, will house State's Attorney," explained First jured and transported by ambulance over 200 students come late September. Until then, students will be placed in lounges and motels. Sergeant Laura Lu Herman of the to Shock Trauma. Public Affairs Unit. "Any charges According to Herman, both sides that are filed - whether they be of the Beltway were closed for Alternative Housing criminal, traffic or both - will be eleven hours as the Maryland State up to the State's Attorney." Highway Authorities (SHA) The accident, which took place cleared the fallen concrete and de­ Tuesday, June 8 around 5 p.m., stroyed the remaining side of the for New Hall Residents killed one motorist and left several footbridge. others severely injured. According "Because of the bridge's instabil­ to press releases from the Maryland ity, it was determined hazardous to (Jpening of New Residence Hall Delayed for Fall State Police, the accident occurred leave the footbridge as it was," said when a tractor trailer, loaded with a Herman. "It was destroyed that DAHLIA NAQIB housed on campus in lounges and Residential Life, Karla Nurcyzk, Caterpillar backhoe, struck a pedes­ night and taken down." Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff temporary rooms located in Chesa­ these motels are conveniently lo- trian overpass. The overpass, which Portions of Westland Boulevard peake and Susquehanna Halls. connects the two sides of Arbutus, The new residence hall, as a re­ These rooms will be equipped with see NEW HALL, page 4 collapsed onto the innerloop of I- see BRIDGE, page 3 sult of construction delays, will not desks, beds and one telephone line open at the beginning of the fall for the four to six students assigned semester as was originally sched­ to each lounge. The room opposite uled. The projected date of comple­ the lounge will remain unoccupied tion now stands at early September. so these students may use that bath­ This issue of The It will not, however, be ready to room. There will also be a bathroom Pretriever will cost you accommodate students until mid-to­ available down the hallway for .•• one million dollars! late September, following final in­ those in the temporary rooms. Just kidding, of spections and one to two weeks The two motels chosen .are lo­ course. These two Dr. time for moving in the furniture. cated within 10 miles of campus Evils are just on hand For the 231 students assigned to and will take in 85 students in single to help the Features this hall, this means various hous­ and double rooms. Transportation section bring you a look at ing alternatives including floor will be provided by the UMBC the summer movie extrava­ ganza, including lounges and temporary room in Shuttle Bus, which will alter its previews, reviews other residence halls and motels off schedule as necessary to accommo­ and a glimpse of a date those students with late classes. campus. particularly Fifty-two of the affected students These students must arrange their swi.nging shindig at schedules to eat at the dining hall. have elected to commute until the Bohager's. See page X fo~ new dorm is ready. These students No meals will be offered at the the scoop. Yeah, baby! Yeah! will not be given discounts off the motels, except one that offers a con­ regular price of room and board. tinental breakfast. Real Dr. Evil: New Line Cinema I Fake Dr. Evil: Jennifer Siciliano I '60s art: Emily Bernstein and Jamie Peck Ninety-four students will be According to the Director of PAGE2 THE PRETRIEVER NEWS June 22, 1999

THE SCENES

Web User Sells Frat Tapes (U-WIRE) GAINESVILLE, Fla.-Be­ The Mystery Man (Or Woman) fore hiding two videotapes behind .a pic­ ture on his wall, Delta Chi of U. Florida member Mike Yahraus, bragged about how much money the recordings of his Yeah, you know who we're campus and why. fraternity's sexually explicit initiation talking about. You've seen her Now, hold on one second. party would make. on campus every day in the This isn't a contest, so don't Someone is now trying to tum that pre­ last semester, busily working get so excited. This is your diction into a profitable reality- a move on some project or another, chance to show how much that has people close to the case concerned but you can't quite recall her you care about your faculty about legal and moral implications. name. You've read about his and staff. You will, however, "It's unfortunate that somebody is try­ achievements in the paper a receive a warm, fuzzy feel­ ing to raise money off this very unfortu­ couple of times, buLyou're ing inside from the joy of nate incident," said Tampa lawyer Mark not sure you'd know him if knowing that your nominee Rodriguez, who represents Delta Chi you saw him in the hall. She will appreciate the recogni­ member Joshua Rothburd, one of six just got promoted after five tion you're giving him or her. members facing criminal misdemeanor years of hard work in your Students and faculty are charges of lewdness. department, but you've never welcome to submit nomina­ The tapes include graphic close-ups of heard of her before. tions. Tell us as much infor­ Yahraus and fraternity brother Anthony The Retriever Weekly would mation as you can about the Marzullo having real and simulated sex like to shine the spotlight on person. For example, name, with married stripper Lisa Gier King and some lesser-known faculty position and reason for nomi­ another younger, unidentified stripper. and staff here at UMBC. In the nation are all helpful. If "What's the big deal?" wrote a WebTV weeks to come, we hope to you're not sure of a name or user under the name Ron Turner. "The give you a look into their lives position, that's OK, as long whole point of going to college is to get and jobs, so that you can ap­ as you point us in the right drunk, party and get laid. It's not like they preciate the great deal of work direction. did anything wrong or somebody got hurt." these people contribute to our we'd like to give you a chance to nominate Send your submis­ But King has since lost her daytime campus community. someone you think may be under-appreci­ sions to [email protected] by job and considered changing her name But before we start digging around, ated. We want to know who you admire on Monday, Aug. 2 for early consideration. and six young men's futures could hinge on the outcome of the criminal case against them.

Iowa State Follows plonels Aging (U-WIRE) AMES, Iowa- After run­ ning molecular tests on the world-re­ nowned cloned sheep, Dolly, research­ POLICE LoG ers from the Scottish Roslin Institute found that although Dolly is only three years old, her cells are nine years old. Safety Tip of the Week be responsible for the removal of his vehicle reported that three photographs Dolly was cloned from a 6-year-old Don't make life easy for a thief; from parking lot #16. The preliminary inves­ mounted on a bulletin board outside ewe in 1996, and since then, scientists protect your property: tigation failed to provide information as to the of her office in the Administration at Iowa State have been closely follow­ • Lock your doors every time you identity of the suspect or the recovery of prop­ Building had been damaged and de­ ing the research. leave. erty taken. The investigation will continue. On faced. According to a Washington Post ar­ ,.. Make a list of your valuables and June 15 the officer received information that ticle in May, some scientists theorize keep it in a safe place. Include an ex­ the vehicle had been recovered by Baltimore Disorderly Student Dolly will die at an early age because act description, year purchased and City Police and a suspect arrested. June 7, 4:43 p.m. - Several people her telomeres, genetic material that serial numbers. reported that a student had become dis­ shortens as the cells divide and the ani­ • Engrave your valuables with an ID Theft ruptive and was refusing to leave a mal ages, are shortening more rapidly number. Check with your campus or June 5, 2:04p.m. -A non-student reported classroom in the Academic IV Build­ than a normal sheep's telomeres. local police department for information that she parked her vehicle on UMBC Blvd. ing. Upon arrival, responding officers The study suggests divi4ing a cell to about ID programs in your area. to attend a high school graduation at the were informed that the student had left. form an embryo does not rebuild the te­ • Don't leave your belongings (books, Fieldhouse. When she returned to the vehicle They were also advised that the stu­ lomere when the cell divides, therefore backpacks, etc.) alone in libraries, she discovered that unknown persons had dent had been separated from a work causing the cloned animal to age prema­ classrooms, etc. entered the vehicle by undetermined means study/internship with an outside cor­ turely. and removed $404, a camera valued at $170 poration due to problems with the Chris Tuggle, associate professor in Theft and one bank card. Investigation to continue. quality of her work and her emotional animal science, said he is unsure about June 4, 1:30 p.m.- A UMBC em­ status. The disruptive student was lo­ Dolly's chances of living an average ployee reported that someone removed Telephone Misuse cated and warned of the provisions of lifespan. her wallet from her purse in the Social June 6, 12:18 a.m. - A student in Severn the trespass and disorderly conduct "The jury is still out on this one," he Sciences Building. The contents were Apartments reported that he received numer­ sections of law. said. "I do not know if Dolly will die valued at $86. During the preliminary ous unwanted telephone calls from a friend. earlier because of her shortened telom­ investigation the employee identified According to the student, he told his friend to Disorderly Student eres. a suspect. Police failed to locate the stop calling him. The police officer informed June 9, 2:00 p.m. -An employee of "Dolly was taken from a sample of wallet or the suspect. The investigation him that he would have to go to the District UMBC reported that she discovered an DNA that had been sitting in the petree will continue. Court Commissioner for further legal assis­ ffiM laptop computer missing from the dish for years. The DNA that she was tance. The investigation will proceed when Social Sciences Building while con­ made from was old; this could have af­ Theft of Vehicle and if legal procedures are pursued. ducting inventory. The preliminary in­ fected her aging." June 4, 3:54p.m.- A UMBC em­ vestigation suggests that the item may However, Tuggle said if Dolly hap­ ployee reported that someone took his Malicious Destruction have been removed six months ago. The pens to die early, there is no way of pin­ keys from his office, and is believed to June 7, 10:58 a.m. -A UMBC employee investigation will continue. pointing the cause because there are not to verify the results. THE PRETRIEVER NEWS June 22, 1999 PAGE3

Pakistan Asked to Withdraw Forces ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (AP)-Presi­ dent Clinton has urged Pakistan to with­ draw guerrilla forces fighting the Indian army on the Indian side of the disputed Himalayan state of Kashmir, even though Pakistan denies controlling the rebels. In a 20-minute telephone conversation with Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif on Tuesday, Clinton called on Pakistan to withdraw its troops across the line of con­ trol that separates Kashmir between the unfriendly neighbors. A day earlier, he made a similar call to Indian Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee, urging him to return to the peace process begun earlier this year with Pakistan. While Pakistan says the Muslim in­ surgents battling Indian soldiers in Kashmir are "freedom fighters," India says they are Pakistani soldiers and mercenaries disguised as Kashmiri militants.

Mexico Clears Damaged Streets PUEBLA, Mexico (AP)-Blue-masked soldiers sweating under the noontime sun struggled to lift boulders toppled into the streets of the Mexican colonial city of Puebla by a powerful earthquake. The death toll rose to 16. The magnitude 6.7 earthquake Tues­ day brought down church towers and damaged other colonial-era buildings. In Police Investigate Driver's Log Book for Discrepancies Puebla, capital of the state by same name, the sound of shovels hitting stone ech­ from BRIDGE, page 1 "The excavator did not ... inadvertently raise "Commercial vehicle operators are re­ oed through the streets. during transport. Several minor defects were stricted in the number of hours they can drive President Ernesto Zedillo declared were also temporarily closed to traffic, while found on the trailer, such as malfunctioning per day. They are required to have a specific the state a disaster area after the earth­ the SHA checked the overpass for structural marker lights, but they did not cause the col­ [amount] of rest, dependant on the hours they quake, which injured hundreds of damage. lision." drive," said Herman. people. Cars traveling on the Beltways were re­ While police state that fatigue does not "The log book is documentation of each "It felt very strong. It was a jumping routed onto local roads in Catonsville and appear to be a factor in the accident, they are rest period and driving period. The drivers movement," said Raimundo Villas, 20, an Arbutus. still investigating possible discrepancies in are responsible for accurately filling out this industrial engineer, who described how Preliminary investigations have deter­ the driver's log book. documentation." a chunk of falling cornice crushed one mined that the driver of the trailer, Paul man in the city of Puebla, 60 miles east Mcintosh, 23, made an error that caused the of Mexico City. accident. "Loading procedures [of the backhoe] at Mexico's National Seismological Ser­ the Locust Point terminal are done under the vice said the earthquake was centered supervision of the vehicle's driver," stated a near Huajuapan de Leon, 80 miles south release. "Additionally, there was a manual of Puebla. The U.S. Geological Survey available to the driver depicting the proper calculated the epicenter at 70 miles loading procedure and position of the exca­ southeast of here, near the city of vator. It has been determined that the driver Tehuacan. did not heed the warnings in the manual." 1his year (No Studying required.) "I believe we have been relatively Mcintosh, who was en route to Ontario lucky, although we always must regret after leaving Locust Point, loaded the exca­ We're talking about your annual exam-yes, that one. It's the smart way to stay healthy. losses," Zedillo told reporters late Tues­ vator to the height of 17'3". The maximum day outside the San Agustin church in And we should know. We're affordable with seven area health centers open days, nights height for semitrailers allowed by the SHA Puebla. The church's tower collapsed in is 13"6". The bridge's lowest point was 16'. and Saturdays. We're here for all your private healthcare needs. Call today for a the quake. Reconstruction of the accident by police confidential appointment at the health center nearest you. Mexico City, where two people died, showed that neither speed nor mechanical had relatively little damage, but tall Planned parenthooc( of Maryland, we'-re more than you think. malfunction of the backhoe's excavator con­ buildings swayed with the quake, send­ tributed to the accident. Call ,. Planned Parenthood" ing tens of thousands of panicked ''There are several safety features built into 1-800-230-PLAN lrldMoryl...t.lnc. for the center nearest you. people into the streets. Telephone ser­ the Caterpillar excavator that are designed vice and power were disrupted in some to lock the hydraulic system in place once areas. the unit is turned off," explained the release. Balti~Cily Towson Annapolis Owings Mills PAGE4 THE PRETRIEVER NEWS June 22, 1999

Beware of Companies That Offer to Help You Buy a Car

The Consumer Protection Division has may think that means you have been ap­ to demand their money back. In other cases, types of deals you can work out. Since had a number of complaints from con­ proved for a car loan. In fact, it means that companies just put off refund requests with placement companies aren't underwrit­ sumers who thought they were getting you have been approved by this company to promises that they can still work out a deal ing your fmancing, there's no reason to help buying, but instead got charged for participate in their "service." for you. Sometimes they say they provided believe they can get you a better deal than a useless service. Like many scams in ,.. You pay (usually in cash or by money or­ the service you paid for- it's not their fault you can get on your own. Besides, in times of recession, this one targets people der) from $300 to $500 for the service. The you didn't take advantage of the offer. many cases it's illegal for a business to who are short on cash or have poor credit payment is made up front, before you meet The fact is you don't need a broker or charge money just to refer you to a re­ ratings. with any car dealers. placement service to fmd a car. Your best tailer or credit company offering you the Here's how an auto placement scam ,.. The company puts you in touch with one bet is to do the legwork yourself. Visit a same credit terms that are available to the works: or more car dealers who supposedly know number of car lots and banks and see what general public. • The companies advertise in the clas­ your situation and are ready to do business sified section of a local newspaper say­ with you. But what often happens is the 11 ing they can help you buy a car if you dealer, who is not part of the scam, offers a T_lle Tips for Tough Times" is piQvided as a have bad credit. Because people with deal you cannot afford or a car you don't courtesy through the UMBC Police Department, poor credit ratings either can't get fi­ want. Some consumers complain they are to ensure the safety and well beil.l:s of our nancing or must make very large offered poor quality, high-mileage used cars. students, faculty and staff. down-payments in order to get financ­ Others say they are offered cars they want ing, these companies often promise but at prices they can't afford or with ex­ low down-payments as a way to lure tremely high down-payments. you in. If you find you can't get a deal that satis­ ,.. A sales person or credit counselor will fies you, you'll probably have difficulty get­ take the credit information from you ei­ ting a refund from the placement company. ther by phone or in person, and then will In some cases, the companies leave town usually say you have been approved. You quickly, before the consumers have a chance

Safety Concerns of ''Off-Campus'' Residents Addressed by Res Life from NEW HALL, page 1 mits that it will not be the same as living on that point will consist of two separate build­ $150 more expensive than the other residen­ campus, meaning some unavoidable incon­ ings with card-access entry and will later be tial halls. It also has a central sitting room cated near fast food restaurants. veniences for the students and all involved. connected. Immediately following will be­ for each four-person suite, which served as The names of these motels could not be She points out that there was a warning of gin the construction of "Phase Two," the fi­ the major attraction for students. disclosed at this time. possible delays in the re-contracting mate­ nal phase. This construction will continue Aside from the living quarters, this new The assignments were loosely based on rial. while the dorms are occupied and may prove building will also house the Residential Life responses to a letter Nurczyk sent out to af­ "Phase One" of the construction for this to be inconvenient for the residents. and Student Health Offices. Residential Life fected students in early June requesting their currently unnamed hall has a projected Priced at $1,7 56 per semester, this new hall will have moved by November and the space preference. While most of those who chose completion date in September. The hall at is $50 cheaper than the apartments and about for Student Health is currently planned to be not to commute wanted to be accommodated in the motels, only a certain number can be accepted. The assignments will most likely be made based on credit hours; those with more getting first dibs on the motel. Regarding the efforts being made to deal with the situation, Nurczyk said: "We're try­ ing to create as comparable an environment as we can." Safety is a question students have raised. To address these concerns, Nurczyk and the decision-making team, consisting of admin­ istrators and one student, spoke with the Bal­ timore County Police about crime activity and reviewed crime statistics of the area. "Neither place was identified as a major concern," said Nurczyk. Additionally, both motels have nighttime security; one has a security firm, the other retired police officers. The rooms will have card-access entry and limitations on the num­ ber of people in a room. The motel rooms will have one data port available for a personal computer. Those liv­ ing on campus must rely on the facilities of­ fered there such as the computer rooms in the residence halls and in the library. Aside from these abnormal circumstances, Resident Assistants (RAs) will still be as­ signed and will live in the motels alongside the students. A Community Director will be Amy Banowetz I Pretriever Staff available to students on and off campus. ' Campus Eyesore: Construction on Phase One of the New Hall began Fall 1998 and its projected date of completion is late With these adjustments, Nurczyk also ad- Sep. Since then it has served as an obstacle to dorm residents on their way to class. Phase Two will break ground in the fall. THE PRETRIEVER NEWS June 22, 1999 PAGES The etriever Weekly . -.A.: Xi:.% & . Warne:& ~~Bc ros.,.,· i:::;·:::;.;. :.-·::-.·-=:-:.: ..,;:: -:-··=~:

:-\tt===:::~ - '=--=~t ::::::: ·. \/:·- :-:~~AH

screen1• film on • ~ven1ng o T\lesday, 29th at G Cinemas ··· Square!

T opetfS eve~ .... ··:·.··•; >_,jtii:'':;(:_.;.;::,;1 ;,::~::;l:u~:llli::••}r"·t·!••••;:]!!\:,;· Passes ;pn . 1.¥aillble while supplies last• tlo purebase·· ··. oqe' per person. Employees of Warner Bros., The Retriever Weekly and UMBC are not eligible. PAGE6 June 22, 1999

Summer camp themes and making The science of identification plus how 7 the most of your college years to raise environmental awareness 9 The harsh realities of college and Want to be a part of U M BC 8 a new student Good Idea, Bad Idea OPINION history? Play Name That Dorm! 10 THE ETRIEVER WEEKLY Editor in Chief Opinion Editor General Manager Emily Bernstein Jennifer Schildroth · Gabriel Marcus

Rules of Registration

Registration. It's a necessary evil. We all go through it. We have to. Otherwise, none of us would be here. Which brings us to a proposal. Maybe sometime in the future, somewhere between the invention of flying car and the virtual reality program that allows you to have sex with the celebrity of your choice, registration won't be a part of the college experi­ ence. But how? you protest. How can people get into the classes they want without registration's help? We haven't the foggiest, really. But we do know that the phrase "registration's help" is an oxymoron. And college students never ever get the classes they want. All you incoming freshmen must learn this the hard way unless you've already heard registration horror stories from older siblings or friends. It's sad to say, but heed their advice, as most of these shockers are true. (Well, except the part about Vaseline and cattle prods.) During your freshman orientation is where the fun begins. After you've had the chance to glance at the course catalogue for a good 15 seconds (relax- it's not like you're going to get something you want anyway), you're hauled into a room- usually the Retriever Grille -where dozens of "advisers" sit at individual tables and counsel you on your well-thought-out plans for the upcoming year. We use quotes when we say "advisers" because these people are anything but. Typically, they're assorted fac­ ulty brought in to cover the demand. If you're lucky, you'll get stuck with a professor from your field of interest, and you two can chat away about your best plan of attack. If not, you'll get stuck with someone you clash with- just like the rest of us. When you're a drama student being advised by a gym teacher, the future may not Orientation Disaster look too promising. ("So screaming at my wrestling opponent will give me improved vocal projection necessary for the stage?") Which is why it helps to know the turf­ One of the first UMBC orientations ever and have a good idea of what you want to do and how you want to do it. culminat~d in.student:-to-be Percy Childers Ask questions like, "So I placed in Math 106. Will this go toward fulfilling my math requirement?" The answer, at least if the adviser know what he or she is talking about, fainting in disbelief upon finding out that~ though will be no. Voila. You just saved yourself from paying for a class you can't get a dam his home was in Luxembourg, he would not be thing out of. Just go down a notch or two and take a math class you can actually get credit for and that'll probably be less of a pain anyway. When it comes to GFRs, the receiving housing at UMBG for the fall semester. easier, the faster, the better. New friends Peter Raynard and Amanda Lowe If your adviser's suggestions aren't appealing to you, turn them down. Don't think that you have to take advice from him or her just because you're a freshman. At carried Pt;rcy to registration where he was forced UMBC, the meek shall inherit nothing. to sign up.for Math 151, Biology 100 and Instead, take advice from us. We've been there. We know all about it. Just wait'll you've been here a semester and have to start registering via EASI or Underwater Basketweaving 345. Percy went on to STARS, which are fodder for a whole different rant. We'll talk you up on this some­ graduate with honors as an Interdisciplinary time in the future. Studies student.

Adam Craigrniles ...... Managing Editor Retriever Weekly staff editorials reflect the Everything and the Kitchen Sink Tracy Soltesz ...... News Editor views of the editorial board; signed columns Dahlia Naqib ...... Asst. News Editor represent the opinions of the individual writ­ Jessica Rothfus ...... Asst. Opinion Editor ers and do not necessarily reflect those of As the summer wears down and the move to college becomes inevitable, planning John Roemer ...... Focus Editor The Retriever Weekly or the University of what to bring can be a large and intimidating task. A lifetime worth of stuff, and you Jamie Peck ...... Features Editor Maryland Baltimore County. have to decide what goes and what stays. The essentials, like underwear and tooth­ Chris Kerner ...... Sports Editor Letters to the Editor are printed verbatim, paste, are pretty self-explanatory. You need these things. (Well, maybe everyone doesn't Amy Banowetz ...... Photography Editor although the editors reserve the right to edit wear underwear, but hopefully we will all bring toothpaste.) Regardless of what your Deb VanDereedt ...... Business Manager any letter deemed lengthy, repetitive, libel­ individual necessities are, that's the easy part. John Smith ...... Circulation Manager ous or otherwise in need of revision. The The difficult part to packing is the limitation of size. Be realistic; after shoving Rose Tipitino ...... Advertising Manager editors further reserve the right not to print beds, wardrobes and desks in these tiny, shoebox rooms, there will hardly be enough Christopher Corbett ...... Faculty Adviser any letter for any reason. Letters to the Edi­ space for two people to stand, much less bring every piece of clothing they own. Pack tor must be typed or written legibly and in­ conservatively. For example, leave the winter clothing at home until it's winter. Also, clude the author's name and telephone num­ two people do not need two of everything. Stereos, refrigerators, inflatable furniture Your Na1ne Here ber. Letters must be received by 3 p.m. on or any other large item can be shared between roommates. Apply for a position as an assistant Wednesday and may not exceed 400 words. The really fuzzy area when packing is the decision about personal mementos: pic­ editor, a production assistant, an The Retriever Weekly publishes each Tues­ tures, stuffed animals, yearbooks, collectibles, etc. These are the precious things in advertising representative or ~ day during the regular school year. Editors life. How can any of it be left behind? Well, if it truly is precious and valuable, make circulation assistant. Applications can be reached at (410) 455-1260 during nor­ a special place for it at home. In a small dorm room, all of these sentimental items will m... bu iness hours or at University Center . ···C.atl brpicked,\Jp at ihe Retriever ;· 't be crammed together into the category of dust-collecting junk, crashing to the floor 214, 1000 Hillt p Circle, UMBC, Baltimore, whene er . omeone sneezes. If comforting to have some personal stuff, but use , .o Week/v,office, UC.214. ··e: ~~. ·.:·,0_~··=_/':':- -~:: __ ·_. :--~~~?:?1~-~' i- : ~-;;~-~~--- ... _.._ MD 2 ... 50. Tl Retriever Weekly is an equal discretion when choosing what to bring and hat lea e at home. oppo unity employer. THE PRETRIEVER OPINION June 22, 1999 PAGE?

Making the Most of the College Experience WRITE FOR THE OPINION Jessica Rothfus tions, and its impressive schedule of guest dependent from parents and establishing a speakers and lectures. place in a community of peers, while also SECTION OF THE Truly, much of learning can be accom­ building knowledge and job skills, we often As new students enter college, they are plished outside of the classroom. Yes, we're graduate from college as very different hu­ RETRIEVER WEEK! Y! typically filled with worries or a set of mis­ all paying to take classes, but to ignore other man beings than we were when we started. MAKE $10 PER ARTICLE interpretations about the nature of the "col­ aspects of college life is to deny oneself the So, refuse to limit yourself. It might sound lege experience." While it is necessary to plan opportunity for greater learning and enjoy- contrived, but find a way to make every day AND SEE YOUR NAME IN a decent schedule and complete at college worthwhile and valu­ general foundation requirements able. The years will go by fast and PRINT. SUBMISSIONS (GFRs), it is also important to "Truly, much of learning can be accomplished you can't get them back. Take at WILL BE ACCEPTED FOR take time out for fun and to not outside of the classroom. Yes, we're all paying least one class that simply inter­ take the freshman year so seri­ ests you instead of always being THE AUGUST ISSUE UNTIL ously. to take classes, but to ignore other aspects of preoccupied with requirements. It is true that a first year at col­ college life is to deny oneself the opportunity Spend some time doing commu­ AUGUST 4, AND lege often sets the tone for the for greater learning and enjoyment." nity service. It really will enrich remainder of one's college career, what you've learned in classes SUBMISSIONS ARE but an overly serious and worried and make you a better person ALWAYS WELCOME attitude will only interfere in learning and can ment. The best advice I can give to incoming overall. even destroy one's chances for success. freshmen is to get involved in clubs they find Join a few clubs, and most importantly, do DURING THE REGULAR The amount of activities and classes can interesting, while also remaining open to the things you never thought you could, or often seem overwhelming, but it's best to get ideas and experiences that they've never con­ the things that you fear. Don't let the oppor­ ACADEMIC YEAR. CALL involved in many different activities and ex­ sidered. tunities pass you by. (410) 455-1260 FOR perience the wide range of diversity that col­ Even at the age of 18 and beyond, we're lege offers. Specifically, some of the best all still figuring out who we are and attempt­ Jessica Rothfus is the assistant opinion edi­ MORE INFORMATION. things about UMBC are its commitment to ing to find a niche. Years at college often help tor of The Retriever Weekly. diversity, its variety of clubs and organiza- in this process. Through becoming more in-

If you created a summer camp, what would the lhE,Iflle be?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• •

.JeffSickoria, 21 I IFSM cathyVeib:h, 23, MIL Educalian

I'Starwar.s." Students from theUMBC Day Camp .Ages6-10 I'Learrtng how to do difl'aa11: llwJgSwithout getting into fights with each olllel' and math." 11&11 119 roller coaster.s." ~"Skiing and soccer." ~~andaafts." IPokemonwheretheytly and catdl aR the Pokemon they can.'' IFriellldsliifJs-"

~~,, ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• PAGES THE PRETRIEVER OPINION June 22, 1999 The Illusion of Adulthood Good Idea .. .. Bad Idea

Thomas Baldeh heads~ clueless and generally unimpressive. Good Idea: Meeting new people by Bad Idea: Meeting new peopfe by They riright have a few good attributes here being friendly and fun. offering sexual favors. and there but hanging out with them blunts Yes, summer time is here again, and once personality development. Education is about Good Idea: Meeting friends for Bad Idea: Eating dinner in ~he again, a fresh crop of students will experi­ character development, not just grades. dinner in the dining hall. dining halt. ence orientation as incoming freshmen of Ah yes, grades. The magic g-word that ter­ UMBC. Eager and at the same time anxious rorizes every aspiring college student, cre­ Bad Idea: Sharing a bed with your about what college life is all about, these ates rifts between child and parents, arouses Good Idea: Sharing appliances with neophytes will listen to every word told to the envy and admiration of peers, and the your roommate. roommate. them by school administrators and transi­ source of many benefits in the form of pa­ tion team members in addition to that whis­ rental approval, honor society membership, Good Idea: Registering for classes Bad Idea: Registering for classes pered into their ears by loved ones who no and scholarships. Grades, good grades are that fulfill GFRs. that that fulfilf GFRs and start at doubt want the best for their fledgling men the sole aim of a lot of students and rightly 8:30a.m. and women. so. Most of the advice given during orienta­ The real world's hiring patterns show a Good Idea: Taking advantage of the Bad Idea: Taking advantage of tion will deal with academic affairs, with bias for good grades, powerful resumes and university's computer labs to satisfy the university's computer labs to some time given to catering to the social highly accredited institutions, hence the your craving for knowledge. satisfy your craving for concerns of students leaving home, some for scramble to meet all those requirements. In pornography. the first time. Information given during ori­ the awesome movie Braveheart, Mel entation is very useful but college life is full Gibson, playing the Scottish hero William of nuances that render it impossible to be Wallace, uttered a poignant and succinct sen­ Good Idea: Becoming an intern for Bad Idea: Becoming an intern for tagged simple. tence before his hanging by death in the credit. sex. There are some things only a hardened hands of the English. He said: "Every man veteran of college life could explain. Things dies but not every man truly lives." Good Idea: Living in a new dorm. Bad Idea: Living in an old motel. pertaining to the kind of people one meets Grades should be viewed in the same vein. at college, the importance-or lack thereof All students can get good grades if they put Good Idea: Living in an o~d motel. Bad Idea: Living in a cardboard - of grades, dealing with teachers, and their minds to it. The lingering question is box. whether being in college actually makes one whether this will ensure happiness. For some an adult in the real sense of the term. The souls good grades are akin to nirvana. Most Bad Idea: Becoming a lush. answers to these queries if derived from a of us are well-rounded and aim to infuse to Good Idea: Checking out rush. source of 'authority' will most likely be some fun in our lives as we work hard for politically correct, bland and wooden. Al our dreams. College has its share of party Good Idea: Joining the skydiving Bad Idea: Joining the mile high Gore comes to mind when one sees all these animals and nerds. A cool thing one can do club because you're the club because you're the adjectives in one sentence. The aim here is is to refuse to belong to either group. Do adventurous sort. adventurous sort. to answer these questions as brutally hon­ things your own way. Strive for good grades estly as possible, to make any reader's bap­ but contain the urge to splurge. Party, study, tism of frre as close to the deal as possible. date, and experiment within reasonable lim­ Personalities and diversity abound in uni­ its. In other words, keep a cool head in the versities and this one is no exception. One heat produced by the drive to succeed. comes across genuine characters that are Teachers are heroes. Unheralded, some­ nice, outgoing and have a lot of potential. times underpaid, sometimes shot (although These character types are the ones ambitious this has not happened at a college or uni­ college students should befriend. Their posi­ versity yet), teachers- the good ones­ tive energy revitalizes and inspires a student are always inspiring. Coming into college in the grinding and sometimes chaotic en­ one should be careful not to expect that vironment of higher education. teachers are perfect titans with an ability to 1r!Jee.k(y !£is fall. Individuals struggling or even cruising dispense academic justice or excellent lec­ through the rigors of academics do not need tures and unbiased attitudes toward their the irritating and depressing effects that dif­ intellectually curious charges. ficult personalities have on others, which Biology students, math majors and infor­ brings us to another description of people mation systems majors should not be too Gall(410) 455,-J1260 in the character menu, the burdens. worried about how their work is graded. A burden is something one bears unwill­ These subjects are in many ways straight­ ingly and/or to the detriment of one's peace forward. The right equation- or the cor­ of mind. College life entails people with bur­ rect celluloid definition - are almost wa­ or slop by Q/G 214 den like definitions. There are times when tertight guarantees of a positive reaction one meets a seemingly nice individual and from a professor. Political science majors associates with that person for a while. How­ and other devotees of the liberal arts such ever, certain bad habits of that person be­ as English majors have to deal with the come so obvious and so suffocating that it whim of individual teachers who demand for more . becomes costly for one to have anything to more analysis, creativity and depth, based do with the individual in question. The com­ on their own specifications. Whatever the mon sense action one should take is to shed case, teachers are to be respected and ap­ all ties with people in this category imme­ preciated. diately. They impede development and tend Does college really make one an adult? inform a/ion. to sour a college experience that is supposed Not really. It is merely an illusion of adult­ to be full of fond memories. hood. The higher education environment is Last on the list are the questions. Some­ occupied by young people still trying to find times, one comes across students on cam­ their niche be it professionally, spiritually pus and immediately, questions abound. or artistically. Without personal effort, good c5ee i£e hac.£paye Questions like "how did this person get into choices, and sheer determination the path college?" "What am I doing here with these to adulthood- and ultimately professional losers?" And even, "oh, God, is this really a development - will not be automatically joke or what?" provided by college. Questions, as their name suggests, are So to all incoming studeJ!tS, take advan­ for a lis/in:; of people that make you wonder. They test your tage of your time at UMBC. It is a great belief that college is a place where people school with a lot to offer. The journey being come to develop~ they toy with your faith­ started here will not be without bumps but ful perception that college is a place where it is worth every studying and partying ava1fabfe posilions. good tendencies ultimately overcome evil minute. ones. They can make you break down and cry. Avoiding these characters is rule num­ Thomas Baldeh is a senior majoring in po­ ber one for college survival. They are air- litical science. -----~------~---~------..

THE PRETRIEVER OPINION June 22, 1999 PAGE9 Fingerprints and Retinal Scans: Coming Soon to Your ATM

ure approaching a building. He glances be­ rate than signatures, makes it appealing, as but part of it is the questions it raises about Emily Bernstein hind him, then walks up to an enclave in the does the ease of use - no more PINs, no who is allowed to access such key informa­ wall, lifts his hat and looks into a red light more cards, just a quick scan of some body tion. If my eye measurements can be used to I wouldn't categorize myself as paranoid, that scans his eye. Within a few seconds, he part and off you go. identify me to a bank machine, what else can but when it comes to some of the new-fangled has $100 in his hand and he's walking calmly Such technology can already be used, with they be used for? Some sort of regulation will inventions bursting out of TV and movies and away. the help of a little plug-in device, to have have to be put in place, but we won't get any into the everyday, I approach with caution. Nope, he's not a criminal, most likely, and exclusive access to personal computer files. sort of regulation until the technology is in Sure, I dove right into the Internet as soon as he's definitely not some international spy. It may soon be used in health clubs to allow wider use, and by then, problems will already - I heard of it - back when Prodigy was the He's just an ordinary guy who has just vis­ entrance to members without forcing them be surfacing. premier online service, it cost 25 cents to send ited an ATM in Fort Worth, Texas, where the to carry a membership card. It could even be Moreover, what if I have pink eye or I get an e-mail and the idea of real-time chat had Bank United is trying out a program that re­ used in Internet transactions to authenticate a severe bum on my palm? The manufactur­ not yet been conceived. But that was fifth places ATM cards and PINs with retinal scan- identity. ers insist the accuracy of their scanners is su­ grade; I'm older and hopefully a bit wiser The possibilities perior even taking into account small daily now. are endless - which is differences, like pupil dilation, but if I can't The latest technological leap is in a field "The exactness ofthe identification, far more what's so scary. It may get my money out of my ATM or I am de­ known as biometrics. You've seen it in its take a while before bio­ nied access to something that is rightfully more primitive form, fingerprinting, and in accurate than signatures, makes biometrics metrics stumbles into mine, all the hype about the brilliance of the its advanced forms like palm and retinal scan­ appealing, as does the ease of use- no more the heated privacy and technology won't appease me. ning. If you're like most of us, though, you've PINs, no more cards, just a quick scan of freedom battles we're Science is developing exponentially- as only seen the latter in sci-fi flicks. Picture it: now encountering re- that which builds on itself is apt to do- and the hero grabs some dead bad guy, presses some body part and off you go." garding the Internet. that's great. We're gaining a lot. I just hope his palm against a hi-tech looking screen and We're still skirting the by the time I'm having my retinas scanned gains entrance to the top secret control room dilemmas created by by some machine, all the kinks are worked at the center of the top secret government ners. cloning since we haven't begun cloning on a out. building where something dangerous, and top It's a promising project, and the technol­ massive scale-though we probably could, secret, is going down. ogy itself has tremendous potential. The ex­ and that worries me, too. Emily Bernstein is the editor in chief of The Now picture an imposing, boot-clad fig- actness of the identification, far more accu- I'm not really sure why it's so unnerving, Retriever Weekly.

greenspace

In the 1998 elections, a similar situation example of Environment Lite is "a few more ery person in the human race to know Jennifer Schildroth occurred in two elections. Senate Candidate dollars for parks and mass transit, with on­ and understand the actions being taken Matt Fong took pictures with his family on going billions in subsidies to developers and against the environment. Statistics are shoved at the general the American River, and Congressman Rick their sprawl," rather than restoring the cities. population in such vast quantities that White emphasized his family's love for hikes In order to avoid such a scenario, the pub­ Jennifer Schildroth is the opinion edi­ they are often ignored or misunderstood. in the mountains. Through efforts of the Si­ lic should stand strong and not allow itself to tor ofThe Retriever Weekly. The environment is an especially frus­ erra club, however, Fong was exposed as a be disillusioned by what Rachel Carson trating issue because so many of the supporter of damming the American River, dubbed "little tranquilizing pills of half truth." problems seem distant or futile. and White's history revealed previous at­ It is the respon- What do thousands of acres of disap­ tempts to tum mountainous areas over to the sibility of ev- pearing rainforests or vanishing species of animals have to do with the here and now of our hectic, modem lives? How does toxic waste buried in New Mexico "The public should stand strong and affect citizens on the East Coast? Exactly not allow itself to be disillusioned by how much of our ocean water does an what Rachel Carson dubbed 'little 11 million gallon oil spill contaminate? The answers to these and similar ques­ tranquilizing pills of half truth'." tions are not simple, yet members of the public often accept narrow explanations. By indulging in a point of view not fully hands of timber companies. familiar to them, many people illustrate Not every company or politician that dem­ the ease with which they can be influ­ ons.trates concern for the environment is de­ enced. ceitful, but the public should be especially A given company, for example, may wary of actions taken or words spoken to donate a sum of money to an environ­ promote an image or win a vote. mental cause, creating for itself an envi­ White and Pong tried to deceive the Ameri­ ronmentally friendly image. What the can public and failed, but other attempts may public may fail to realize, however, is succeed. "Symbolic gestures look good to that the image may only be a front for voters," claimed Carl Pope on the Sierra an otherwise unconcerned corporation. Club's Web page. Pope believes that society The supposedly environmentally is setting itself up for increased Environmen­ friendly company might actually even tal Lite, a term used to describe the deceit of present additional environmental prob­ taking minor actions and suggesting that they What was that bump? lems. are largely significant. Pope claims that an PAGE 10 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION June 22, 1999 Name That Dorm! You've been horribly inconvenienced by it, now here's your chance to call it names!

r------1 Name That Dorm! 1 I I I Your name: I

Dorm's name:

Why you think this should be the dorm's name:

Phone Number: E-mail address:

Return this form to The Retriever Weekly office, UC 214, by August 3, 1999. Note: This contest is purely a whim of The Retriever Weekly editors. Quite unfortunately, this contest will more than likely have no bearing whatsoever on the administration's decision on what to call the fabled New Dorm. Enter anyway. We might give you a prize or something, and we11 definitely print L ______winnin.9_entries in the August iss~ of the_!!,e!!_spaper._f_reativity i~ppr~iated, as are gifts of chocolate~bev~ges _!_D.!_ money~ _____ .J June 22, 1999 PAGE 11

Find out what the "Freshman 15" Marry Wilde's Ideal Husband 14 is and how you can avoid it and salute Travolta's General 18 Get the scoop on upcoming Learn about your sign and get 16 buzz-worthy summer movies FEATURES in-the-know on local happenings 20 Life Outside the SUMMER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA Campus Eateries .We Pick the Top 10 Places to Dine Within 10 Minutes of UMBC

JENNIFER SICILIANO 9. Giant Food: It sounds like a Special to The Retriever Weekly motherly thing to say, but you re­ ally will get more for your buck if You'll figure it out. The second you make it yourself. They have a you realize that your diet consists terrific salad bar, a splendid bakery solely of shepherd's pie and Chick­ and lots of ice cream. True, most Fil-A, you'll realize that if you grocery stores have ice cream, but don't find other means of suste­ is any ice cream really bad? We nance, you'll gradually start to look don't think so. The Giant is located like a Chick-Fil-A sandwich, and at the comer of Maiden Choice lane you'll smell rather like shepherd's and Wilken's Avenue. pie. 8. 7-11: Sorry, veggie-eaters. There are alternatives, friends. My fave is still the chili-cheese Big Herein, find a list of The Retriever Bite accompanied by a Cherry Coke Weekly's Top 10 Places to Eat Slurpee. Oh, thank heaven, there's Within 10 Minutes of Campus ("if always a bit o' junk to satisfy your you drive really fast," according to absurd, middle of the night alumna Brigitta Kral). Please note cravings. And quite frankly, there's that these are in no particular order, nothing that'll cure a hangover as there would certainly be a riot if quicker than a Super Big Gulp and an order were imposed. an order of nachos. Not that the staff 10. Golden Gate: This haven of · of The Retriever Weekly is prone to Chinese grub has yet to disappoint. drinking. But if they were, there'd Their egg rolls are crispy and their be a Super Big Gulp on the hori­ entrees rarely fail to please. They zon. do deliver, pending an $8 order, but 7. Pinocchio's: The News edi­ Dr. Evil & Friend: Jennifer Siciliano I '60s art: Emily Bernstein & Jamie Peck if you feel the need to be waited on, tor swears by their aroncini ball, de­ See You in Austin: Party-goers at Bohager's celebrating the release of The Spy Who Shagged Me the restaurant is located on Maiden spite her dispute with their manage­ included a swinging '60s chick and Dr. Evil - complete with facial scar and pinkie permanently Choice Lane, right between the ment on the pronunciation of the affixed to the mouth. Right Aid and the Fashion Bug, by Westland Gardens. see EATS, page 14 MORe POWeRS, BaBY! [insert name here New Bohager's Inaugural Enhanced by Costumed Freaks

I a good laugh and a good shag. Oh, Bohager's, a longtime staple of by adam craigmiles ADAM CRAIGMILES JENNIFER SICILIANO behave! the Baltimore music diet, had be­ irst days are a bitch. freshlets wandering the campus Retriever Weekly Staff No, no shagging, baby. Just the gun in recent years to outgrow it­ This is my first day for orientation, the first day of Night of 100 Austins, the opening self, as the shows filled the club­ as the "Insert N arne college won't be so bad. They After two hours of trying on poly­ party for Ausiin Powers: The Spy which lacked air conditioning - Here" author, act might discover the pizza rack in ester duds and discarding them - Who Shagged Me (see our review past capacity night after night. The ing as replacement the cafeteria, the fact that you and trying them on again to see if on page 17) - which coincided club's new, multi-level Tikki-type­ F they really did suck - the intrepid with the June 2 christening of the bar digs are swanky - downright for the freshly-graduated former can check out cliff's notes from editor-in-chief Jen Siciliano. the campus library or the thrill reporters descended on the new new Bohager's, now located at the I'm a bit nervous, as Jen left of talking a roommate into Bohager's in search of a good story, former Parrot Island. see BOHAGER'S, page 17 some big shoes to fill. Actually, showing off his knife collection. she's only a size 8, but she wears Sure there are downsides. The boots. Big boots. Boots that only open classes will start early make Birkenstocks shake and in the morning (i.e., nine), He's Just Wild About Oscar Wilde cower. people will laugh when the A lot of the first day anxiety freshman asks where the "akiv" Oliver Parker Makes an Ideal Director for An Ideal Husband stems from those pre-school or building is (Academic IV is typi­ kindergarten days, when young, cally abbreviated as ACIV), and JAMIE PECK politician learns the importance of select cities last Friday and expands just-weaned and spit-shined it costs a buck to wash these Retriever Weekly Editorfal Staff being honest after a scandal threat­ to Baltimore this weekend, already tykes are thrown together for an soiled undies. ens to ruin his career, derail his has received glowing reviews (see hour of "Narne That Color" and The first day seems a lot less With only two movies under his marriage and alter his life for the ours on page 18), particularly for a "What Sound Does This Animal intimidating when put into per­ belt, director/writer Oliver Parker worse. Um, can you say Bill fine ensemble of performers includ­ Make?" Inevitably, the day be­ spective. If you think about it, is poised for the big Hollywood Clinton? ing Rupert Everett, Cate Blanchett, gins with many tears and a half­ the first day of-college is a spotlight. A London native whose literary Minnie Driver, Jeremy Northam dozen pairs of stained cakewalk compared to other That's be­ influences from growing up are ap­ and Julianne Moore - the latter Underoos. Each new year or possible first days. How does an cause his parent in his work-he previously trying on a British accent for the each new school is the same executioner feel on his first day oaA latest film, a adapted and directed Othello for the very frrst time as the scene-steal­ performance over again. New -particularly in the days when lliiiillliiiiiliiiiillliii new-fangled screen in 1995 - Parker's past ing villainess Miss Cheveley. faces, new places and another they used axes? I don't know if version of Oscar Wilde's play An work in television and especially Parker's promotional tour of pair of underwear ruined. Ideal Husband, is gathering as theater appear to be paying off well Husband took him to D.C. in early But perhaps, to all the little see INSERT, page 15 much buzz for its red-hot cast as it with his so-far, so-good career in is for its uber-apropos storyline: A cinema. Husband, which opened in see PARKER, page 15 I \

PAGE12 THE PRETRIEVER FOCUS June 22, 1999

As one of the infamous Focus Hooligans moves out of Focus and into a rather comfy, well-deco- The Vans shoe company is sponsoring yet food stands are a-plenty. As with any festi­ rated office as Managing Editor of The Re­ another touring punk rock festival that will val, the booths on the Warped Tour relate to triever Weekly, only one Focus Hooligan re­ mains. This week Focus gives its nod to live be hitting the pavement of the RFK Stadium the music. Save up your money; you could music in the summertime. This isn't an all­ parking lot on July 27. The tour features pro buy a skateboard, new shoes, and any of a inclusive list. It is not even necessarily the skateboarding and BMX competitions as well number of foods, drinks, band merchandise recommendations of the Focus Editor. These as a full day of live punk, ska, rap, hardcore, and other products. If you have no money, are just cool shows for various reasons, swing, jazz and everything in between. you can still amuse yourself by signing up from big ego performances to ·rats in the Traditionally, there are several regular for the endless variety of mailing lists. There hallway playing for beer money. As usual, bands playing every date on the Warped Tour are action tents for the socially responsible Focus pays tribute to whatever it cares to accompanied by bands that only play a few and port-a-pots for the alcohol irresponsible pay tribute to. Get used to it, kids. By the dates. The lineup for the or possibly even the sexu- way, when you're attending these shows, DC stop is: Pennywise, Warped Tour ally overzealous among us. and try to attend just one, please remem­ Blink 182, Sevendust, Any well-minded punk ber to drink lots of fluids (water, that is) Cypress Hill, Black knows that free stuff is the and keep yourself cool. Heat exhaustion Eyed Peas, Less Than Jake, The Living End, best stuff and that Warped Tour offers plenty at rad festivals really sucks, trust your Molotov, Suicidal Tendencies, Dropkick of freebies. One of last year's favorite free­ friendly Focus Staff. -John C. Roemer Murphys, Bouncing Souls, Ice-T, H20, Royal hies was a free shot of Yoo-Hoo. The show ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Crown Revue, River Penix, Eminem, itself is not free; it will drop you about 22 Another anniversary, another Woodstock. dens, ecological displays, craft demonstra­ Grinspoon, Frenzal Rhomb, 7 Seconds, bucks. Thirty years after the first groundbreaking, tions, technology parks, video walls and raves Atomic Fireballs, Lunachicks, Spring Heeled . This year, be sure to buy a reasonably multi-day concert, the third Woodstock will into the wee hours of the night. The organiz­ Jack, Buzz Poets, Common Sense and The priced ticket, and beware of spontaneous take place. This time, Rome, New York plays ers expect the crowd to be sizable, rising to Inland Empire Orchestra. mosh pits that tend to open up anywhere and host to the "Three Days of Peace and Music" 250,000. The site will feature its own hospi­ Warped Tour sets are relatively moderate everywhere, crowd-surfers with combat from July 23-25. This time around the lineup tal, utilities system, transportation system, -each band gets one half hour to do its thing boots bigger than your mom's, heat exhaus­ includes Aero smith, Brian Setzer Orchestra, fire department, communications system and in front of the crowd. There are two stage ar- tion, deafening motorbike competition, pro Bush, Th~ Chemical Brothers, George ·security. Security personnel for the event eas, each of which contains two stages. While skaters with broken bones, and spastic re­ Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars, Collective number 2,800 who will also man five sub­ one is being prepared for the next act, the other sponses to loud, fast, hard-hitting, in-your­ Soul, Counting Crows, Creed, Sheryl Crow, stations. Instead of fencing the entire area, is hosting one of the 30-minute performances. face punk rock. Ice Cube, DMX, Everclear, Everlast, Fatboy organizers are putting up a 12-foot wall deco- This plan keeps Slim, Foo r a t e d things running smoothly and ~~~~~~:k: Woodstock m~:.~ doesn't leave Jamuoqua1, the mfa- much time be­ Kid Rock, Lit, I 9 9 mous gate- tween perfor­ Dave Matthews Band, Guster, crashers of 1994 can't relive mances so all the Jewel, Kom, Limp Bizkit, Live, Los their antics. punks with ADD Lobos, Metallica, Mickey Hart - And it doesn't stop there. don't leave the Planet Drum, Alanis Morissette, Willie Woodstock will have a supply of 3.6 million area and end up Nelson, Mike Ness, The Offspring, Our Lady gallons of drinking water. Eight-hundred at some booth Peace, Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot "Family of Woodstock" personnel will roam p · 1 a y i n g Chili Peppers, Wyclef Jean and The Refugee the grounds and provide information and Play Station. Allstars, Rusted Root, Sugar Ray and The quick response services. Two thousand por­ Speaking of Tragically Hip. table toilets will be on site. The field on which which, commer­ Music isn't going to be all that Woodstock · the event is being held, formerly an Air Force cial booths and '99 has to offer. The planners envision an arts Base, is 3,600 acres. village, a film festival, an experimental the- Economically the event is important to the atre, a concessions village, several beer gar- area of Rome, NY. Three days of peace and music will supply the local Arriving in Columbia, Maryland the Kashi Tara. economy with about $30 million. day after Warped Tour leaves DC for dead, The village features several female-ori­ The pay-per-view option in 1994 bleeding to death on the sidewalk, Lilith ented booths, which include The Breast was the highest grossing program Fair offers a day of peace and quiet and Cancer Fund, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & of its kind and this year's concert some rockin' women armed to the teeth Incest National Network), LIFEbeat and promises to break that record. with guitars. The fair, probably best Planned Parenthood. This year's sponors Even more options are known for its lesbian populous, will be are Chevrolet, ChickClick, Tommy given to ticket purchasers. One may taking place July 28 at Merriwether Post Hilfiger's Tommy Girl, Biore, HMV, buy the tour package, at a economi­ Pavillion and will feature an array of mu­ Tom's of Maine, Tower Records and cal price for any college student sical stylings and the women who perform XOOM.com. The Village at Lilith Fair is (uh-huh) at $249. That price in­ them. basically where the action tents are set-up cludes express entry-exit from the In it's third and final year, Sarah along with whatever other commercial grounds with luxury motorcoach McLachlan's brainchild brings together booths buy a small plot of land. The Vil­ transportation. If you can provide performers Dixie Chicks, Me'shell lage also contains a stage where small-time your own transportation, prepare to Ndegeocello, Sheryl Crow, The Pre­ performers get a chance to show the inter­ shell out $150, and that does not ested what they can do with their music. include applicable taxes, sur­ tenders, {A_ Cherokee, Lilith's organizers have strong ideas charges and the obligatory $5 park­ • k~ \) Medieval, ing fee. There is also another op­ • \\,~ Kendall about what to do with the tour each year tion: the air travel package that in­ and the ideas stay true to the original in­ cludes roundtrip transportation on tention. The day itself provides a com­ Northwest Airlines and three nights ~\, ~\,'t ~2 forting environment for women from all in a deluxe hotel. walks of life, though certainly not exclud­ Finally, in the true spirit of ~ Gain~s r e :n: . ing men, and is well worth the ticket price. Woodstock '69 (insert thick sarcasm here) ATMs will be on site. THE PRETRIEVER FOCUS June 22, 1999 PAGE13

Yov $HOVIJ) KNOW IIBOVT WHITNEY HOUSTON unparalleled by all other musicians. Well if Janet Jackson didn't charge However, Bob Dy Ian, whose most recent ~ enough for tickets, Whitn~y Houston is album brought three Grammy awards, is picking up Janet's slack. For $100 you widely respected as one of the most in­ can sit close to the stunning Whitney as fluential and prolific songwriters of all ~ she performs a range of her explosively time. ~ popular songs. The show, being held at The two artists, touring with their re­ Constitution Hall, does come with a dis­ spective bands, plan to join each other claimer attached, "At the request of Ms. on stage for certain songs and pay trib­ Houston, the air conditioning may be ute to each other in some ways. Local ~ turned off during the performance." No fans can witness this historic collabo­ explanation for this caveat is given, so ration on Jul. 16 at the Nissan Pavil- draw your own conclusions. ion.

I DYLAN AND SIMON JOE STRUMMER Singer/songwriters Paul Simon and Bob Joe Strummer is corning to the Nightclub 9:30 with The ~ Dylan began a tour of historic proportions Mescaleros on Jun. 29. I oe Strummer was part of The Clash, those on Jun. 6 in Colorado. Never before have punk rockers best known for covering "I Fought the Law" and the two artists played together, although writing "Rock the Casbah." The show is billed as an opportunity they have greatly admired each other's to hear Clash tunes. work throughout the past few decades. ~ The early 1960s found both men fusing THE MISFITS together pop, rock and folk. This fusion Well if you just can't wait for Warped Tour, The Misfits are pay­ spawned generations of the folksy singer­ ing a visit to the Recher Theatre in Towson. You can pay them a songwriter sort of artist. It is Paul Simon visit too, for just 15 bucks. They are playing with the hardcore "~ who collected the "Album of the Year" band Earth Crisis, which may excite you ... that is, if veganism and Grammy in three different decades, a feat the way of the straight-edge are things you believe in. out aboutan

6/25 Water Street Festival in Baltimore

7/10-11 Artscape in Baltimore

714 Uncle Sam Jam in DC BBQ Festival in DC Freedom Festival in DC PAGE14 THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999 Oh, Thank Heaven for 7-11 and Other Off-Campus Eats from EATS, page 11 which it was prepared. That, and the lard. Weekly tradition. They offer sandwiches as to just go hungry. There's plenty of lard, too. It's located on big as a human baby (118 your size) and Eat. Drink. Be Mary. Mary won't mind. dish. We're not going to dispute it. We're sim­ Wilken's Avenue; just head for St. Agnes they're pretty good money for the meat, at There's plenty to consume off campus that's ply going to take her word, and note that it's Hospital and look for the trailer on the right that. They have an extensive menu, and it's reasonably inexpensive and reasonably good on Frederick Road, directly across from the side of the road. You'll need St. Agnes as a all good. They are only open Monday through for you, and with a little bit of ingenuity and Record and Tape Trader's. Go get music, and reference point, or at least for the after-din­ Friday, and then only until 3 p.m., so if you traveling, you'll be able to vary your college then feed your face. ner stomach pump. miss that window of opportunity you'll have diet without having to get creative in the Pub. 6. Jenning's Tavern: Another Frederick 3. Riverside: This coffee place offers Road fave, also within close proximity of soups and sandwiches, as well as yummy Record and Tape Trader's. They have nifty pastries and really great coffee. You can stroll r------• potato salad, and fair-to-middlin' fare other­ the streets of historic Ellicott City, or sit in wise. Burgers, cheese sticks and other the cozy shop and sip your java. Either way, THE SURVIVAL SKILLET noshables make this late-night pub a pretty you've got java, and that's whatcou.nts. These sweet place to hang out. folks are particularly knowledgeable about 5. A-1 Pizza and Subs: They boast great their brew, too. They roast their own beans, 'BY A D J\, M C R'A I G MI L E S cheese fries, and their pizzas are yummy in and they train their crew to know the ins and my opinion. And they're always nice when outs of Joe. So you ask for breve, you get ith all the·'· ·.-.. new freshmeat you, which means you utterly ignored the you pick up an order. They have, on occa­ breve. Half of you don't know what a breve -or freshmen, rather- benefits I took such pains to point out, sion, been known to lag on deli very time, but is, but if you did, and you asked for one at running 'around the cam then I've provided a few ways to help you if you pick up your dinner from the restau­ Riverside, you'd get one and you'd be happy. W, pus this summer and up- combat the problem. rant, you should have no problem with this 2. Sorrento's: Their pizza has lots of co!Jling fall semester, assuredly the 0 When starting college, the doe-eyed Italian place. Pizzas, subs and some unusuals grease, but it's worthwhile grease and they're "}fr~~lpnan 15" will b~;iphrase kicked freslln:lan usually finds himself open to · (burgers and crabcakes) are the menu regu­ cheap. There's a Route 40 location and an ar~1:md frequently. For those sheltered temptations that were curbed or banned lars. Ellicott City location, in addition to the Ar­ little freshlings.not y¢t familiar with the in the home. There are Ho~Hos in the 4. The State Diner: Do you like grease? butus location that nobody on staff has ever with the concept, the Sunrival Skillet will vending machines, apple fritters in the Do you like diner food? Do you like spend­ been to. Note: The location in Ellicott City is I, beyourshiningpath(~ueangelicmusic) Yum Shoppe and an all-you-can-eat ing very little amounts of cash? Do you like kick-ass, if you're willing to wait a bit longer. ~ toenlighte~entandhe!p . you avoid the Lucky Charms bin in the cafeteria. Be­ ... Keno? Go. Eat omelettes and drink They also feature numerous milkshakes - l dreaded freshmen affliction. fore going on that obligatory sugar ,ram- milkshakes with toothless old men, while lis­ including sour apple and root beer- for the A.lth(}ugh the Fres~~ 15 has some page; try to remember that Mom wasn't tening to Lyle Lovett on the jukebox. ("Yes, adventurous souls in the crowd. They're open ; , ' ·· SNt~§ti.cal backing~ !t . J;I.~s become some- cmnpl~tel,y full of crap. It's good to cel- you're not from Texas- but Texas wants late and the food's cheap. How much more . ~~ng akin to an urbatr~rgehd. Basically~ . ebratiithe newfound liberation, just not you anyway.") The food is standard diner do you need? You're in college, for the love l all college freshmen; t~gardless of sex; ' three ti~es a day. fare, omelettes and pancakes and burgers, but of Pete. I age, or genetic dispos!!ion. will take O'Th~unsightlyprotrusiononmiddle- it's cheap and you can taste the love with 1. Taneytown Deli: This is a Retriever 1 home a charming new bundle of cellulite aged men isn't called a beer gut for noth- 1 with th~m next sunnner.~ 15 pounds is i:rig~ Beer is fattening, unless ofcourse it's I the minimum. For those who find them- light beer, which is about as .popular as I ~~J;Yes: weak in the :teq~~ py the mete lJ,On:alcoholic brew. Of course, beer will 1 1 ptos~tofalittlefri~adfybloat, you're ·; n~vetpe an issue for·UMBC freshmen, 1 ~kiiously ignorlngthe,~nefits. as tnO$t are underage. We all know that I ·For one,large pants .art( all the rage of mblors never drink -particularly in col- I late. Most the pants you;find !n the teeny- lege. The only way a young freshman b.oppersectionofHeci.htsarefatpants. In might. however: If he's at a party and I ~any caSes. therelll"be - need to pur- mistakes the contents of a big metal bar- 1 chase a new relfor ginger ale. Take it easy. "Ginger I ~~,e~pa!lding gut. ·. 'Ale''; is fattening too. I ~~ ; J?~ri&.a ·· . a':s_peaking of drinking~ ' any drink is I month or two into going to be moretattening than water. The I means wintertime. Ye~; ~weaters and cafeteria has overflowing spickets of any I ja:ckyts galore. It's ane~cellent transition aspartalJl.e/sucrose-enhanced beverage 1 period to become acc~stomed to your you could desire, and Coke machines al- l flab. water fountains. Water· .,lS.l~fOI,lal)l}'the way to go ify9u're watch-

1 n t~.Jpounas otbeefwun9t:l.ltel>e1tly, · concerned with the lesser I known problem of the ·~eshmen 50," 1 !p.8ll counterparts. please contact me at [email protected]. 1 If the idea of gaining .the 15 still irks edu. , ~-. ..;.. --- • Glip ind save THE SURVIVAL SKILL~ • ----- .. THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999 PAGE 15

SUMMER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA Director Oliver Parker Gets Wilde With Ideal Husband from PARKER, page 11 tial than normal and that there's "Film. Definitely. I want to going to be a challenge to deliver it go back and do a bit more June, from where he spoke via and make it feel real. And so we theatre when I get a chance, phone with The Retriever Weekly were extremely fortunate in the way but I feel very passionate now about about his actors, Wilde and adapt­ that people came back to us. The film. I have a lot of stories which ing the classics. The call began - response was immediate and posi­ I'd love to get a chance to tell on as calls are wont to do nowadays tive from almost everybody." screen." - by asking his permission to When you were writing the An Ideal Husband could be record it. We didn't want to pull a adaptation, did you have sort of an introduction to Linda Tripp on him or anything, I any of these actors in Oscar Wilde for some explained. He chuckled. I paused. mind? people. Where would you suggest Then, I unleashed the question he "Not really. I tend to find they begin if their interests are probably - and unfortunately - that I keep the writing hat on piqued? faces in all interviews like these. until I've finished, and then "I think it's best to see the Speaking of Linda Tripp, put on the directing hat, so it wasn't plays. But there's something we have to ask this: An really until I completed the thing for almost every age. He's Ideal Husband is pretty that I started to think and make got these fantastic fairy stories for timely in its depiction of political little, short lists for every charac­ children, which are beautiful. I do scandal and grey-area morals. Is ter, but we never had to go beyond think that the more you can cover its release intentional so quickly a short list for any of those charac­ of him, the more you get a sense of on the heels of the Clinton con­ ters." the breadth of his personality. But I troversy? You took a chance in cast­ have to say that when I was "We started to make the film ing Julianne Moore be­ younger, I had a rather limited and before we knew of any of cause Americans doing prejudiced view - I used to find this, but we have our own English accents are easy targets his work occasionally rather brittle scandals, I'm either sad or glad to for critics. Was it difficult for her and cynical and full of itself, and it say, in London. You can't really to get in sync with it? all seemed to be a bit superficial, open a newspaper without stum­ "Well, in some ways it was, and then the more I got to know bling across some cabinet but at the same time, I was about him as a character started to minister's demise, and certainly quite keen to retain some of give me amazing insights into all there was a period just around when her exoticism. I didn't want it to be those preconceptions I had. A lot of this project was being considered a spanking-clean British accent. it is about decoding what he said." where, you know, a conservative There's something a little bit bizarre Are the rumors true that cabinet minister was going every about her anyway, which I love - another Wilde adaptation week. So I felt like it was going to she's sort of mysterious and eccen­ - The Importance of Be­ Miramax Films be timely. And you discover, in fact, tric, all of which for me makes her At the Helm: Director Oliver Parker, seated on the left, watches ing Earnest- is in your future? that it's always going to be timely." more beguiling. But it must have playback with actors Gate Blanchett and Rupert Everett and "It could be. It's a fun idea. Your three leading ladies been tricky for her, coming into an producer Barnaby Thompson on the set of An Ideal Husband. I feel so warm to the mate­ - Moore, Driver and environment where certainly every­ rial I've just worked on that Blanchett - have all re­ body else had more experience with come from a fairly literary and the­ awkward? it's a definite possibility. But it ceived Oscar nominations in the this sort of material. I was keen that atrical background. I made Othello "Not at all. No. It was fan­ wouldn't be the next one - I'm past 15 months, Everett should we did have an outsider come in, as a result of having played Iago on tastic, in fact, to have some­ looking at a political thriller next, have gotten one for My Best and if any of the roles deserved it, stage and really sensed a desire to one with whom you could sort of a murder mystery which is Friend's Wedding and Northam it was Cheveley. So for me, it brings communicate what I thought was a just - especially in your first fea­ set in the late '40s. It's got a lot of might get one for The Winslow a different flavor ... it shakes things much more passionate, powerful ture - talk absolutely directly to excitement and vibrancy and imme­ Boy. How on earth did you bag up a bit." thriller than I felt it's often per­ and not feel nervous about it. And diate connection to the present. It's this cast? Your OtheUo also adapted formed as. So it wasn't a question his wife [Anna Patrick] is in it, too. a John Sayles script, and it's a "We were incredibly lucky, another literary giant for of matching up to something, it was Plays Emilia. She's amazing. They lovely piece of work. It's based in really. I think it's rare to have a '90s audience. Is this as doing my best version of trying to were a big support to me." post-war Italy, and we're sort of a piece that offers so many difficult as it sounds? introduce people to something I You've also done some di­ working on some casting now." interesting parts, that can sustain an "It depends. In a way, it was cared passionately about. It's a very recting for British televi­ Did he say he's in the process of ensemble cast like that. I think less difficult for me than the similar process with Wilde." sion, making you active in casting a period piece with ties to Wilde is a big pull for many actors notion of taking on Speed 2, You directed your brother three artistic mediums. Between contemporary times? I think I know they know they're going to get in that that requires a different sort Nathaniel in Othello. [He that, film and theatre, which is of five actors that would be-how something a little bit more substan- of technical expertise, whereas I played Cassio.] Was it your favorite? shall we say? - ideal.

from INSERT, page 11 soft rock station. a little. The people can be anyone, So this.is the scene I find myself the song anything. As long as it's they had a trainer or some sort of in on my first day as a landscaper: awkward and makes me blow milk mentor program, but the first whack Rich black clouds looming above through my nose when I read it. must be quite a strain. Do you get a green field with blue lightning The participant upon whom I the head off in one lop? Is your splitting the sky and melodic rain wish to bestow my favoritism will form good enough to impress the drops dripping softly on the hood be the proud owner of a green king? It's easy to imagine an ex­ of a large, diesel truck. I'm inside wrench, slightly used, and 49 white ecutioner the night before his first next to a burly outdoorsman, the paper clips. The runner-up will also day practicing by chopping water­ windows are steamed and what receive a prize - a 15-oz. can of melons in half and asking his wife song should come on but "Why do pear halves in heavy syrup, if his black hood fits alright. birds suddenly appear/Every time autographed by the Jolly Green Gi­ There're also those shoddy sum­ you are near/Just like me, they long ant himself. Submissions can be mer job first days, when you take to be/Close to you." Needless to sent to me electronically at those hairnets for their maiden voy­ say, it was a tad awkward. [email protected] or brought age. Just a couple weeks ago I ex­ Now, after that long-winded rant/ to The Retriever Weekly office (UC perienced my first day as a land­ introduction comes the contest. 214). Luckily, there's plenty of scaper. It was smooth as far as first You're assignment is to come up room to procrastinate as the next is­ days go. Dig here, rake this, etc. In with a scenario to surpass mine in sue of The Retriever will hit the the afternoon, though, I found my­ awkwardness. You'll need to in­ racks the second week in August. self sitting in a truck next to my clude two people in a car with a Therefore, all contest submissions boss waiting out a thunderstorm. I particular song playing on the ra­ must be received by August 4 un­ had turned the radio on to ease the dio. You can even throw in some der penalty of Federal code silence, but found only a dreadful scenery if you wish to butter me up 30143A. PAGE16 THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999

SUMMER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA The Best of the Rest? For Your Viewing Pleasure, 8 Unusual, Question Mark-Dotted Summer Movies JAMIE PECK Eyes Wide Shut (3) Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff 0 The pitch: Tom and Nicole's sizzling home videos, next on Hard Has the Star Wars hype given you Copy! 0 How it goes: We haven't a headache? the faintest ideas how this one goes Have you been shagged rotten by since director Stanley Kubrick's Austin Powers? top-secrecy surrounding it hasn't Does the prospect of yet another even allowed for a meaty plot syn­ animated Disney feature immedi­ opsis. What's for sure: Tom Cruise ately make you want to - gasp! and Nicole Kidman play marrieds - curl up with a good book? whose respective love affairs take Well, fear not. Summer movie­ them on a journey of jealousy and goers who are feeling a bit belea­ sexual obsession. Or something like guered by the usual onslaught of that. 0 Buzz: It recently got an R­ sure-thing hits can rejoice in the rating instead of the anticipated knowledge that this season is go­ NC-17, so it can't be that bad. ing to provide many a release dot­ (Read: Nobody's going to have sex ted with question marks. So forget, with a pie.) That cool one-minute for the moment, star vehicles like trailer gives absolutely nothing Will Smith's Wild Wild West, Eddie away (well, except for a drool-in­ Murphy's Bowfinger and Adam ducing shot of Kidman in bifocals), Sandler's Big Daddy. Here are eight and Kubrick's untimely death in up-and-comers shrouded in uncer­ March will guarantee Eyes long life tainty, mystery and/or controversy; as a curio even if it doesn't live up release dates appear in parenthesis to the legendary expectations. We'll at the end but are subject to change. see you in line. (July 16) Roll 'em! The Blair Witch Project ( 4) South Park: Bigger, 0 The pitch: The ultimate camp­ Longer & Uncut (1) frre tale. 0 How it goes: Three ftlm 0 The pitch: Like Comedy students venture off into the Mary­ Central's South Park, only ... uh ... land woods (ahhh!) to document an bigger, longer and uncut. 0 How it evil force known as the Blair Witch goes: You know, the usual: The . .. and disappear from the face of boys go on a forced fast from swear­ the earth. This is their recently-dis­ ing, Kenny takes his hood off and covered footage. 0 Buzz: Keep tell­ Satan ends up in bed with Saddam ing yourself it's only a movie, it's Hussein. 0 Buzz: The subtitle's a only a movie! The atmosphere and pee-pee metaphor, signifying that acting are apparently so real that this 90-minute version of a half­ Project had a few of our staffers hour show will take you places convinced otherwise following a Comedy Central (and censors) sneak-screening in April. They won't allow. But with an R-rating raved, so did the peeps who got the and Park's TV audience slipping to poop scared out of the at the Pie/Mystery: Universal; Witch: Artisan; Eyes: Warner Bros.; South: Paramount; Gadget: Walt Disney an all-time low, what kind of busi­ Sundance Film Festival, where this ness will it do? Stay tuned ... this was the hot ticket. We - the ones back on top after the debacle that roes. 0 How. it goes: In Champion School Special. 0 How it goes: movie could enliven the dwindling who weren't fortunate enough to was Speed 2. (July 23) City, where Batman-esque crime­ Straight-A student Katie Holmes interest or finish it off. (June 30) catch it then - are as anxious and fighters exist, Captain Amazing (Dawson's Creek) invokes the terrified as you are. (July 16) Inspector Gadget (5) (Greg Kinnear) has been incapaci­ wrath of the school's most notori­ American Pie (2) 0 The p;tch: Duh. A live-action tated by the evil Cassanova Fran­ ous faculty member, the titular Mrs. 0 The pitch: There's Something The Haunting version of the hit Nickelodeon car­ kenstein (Geoffery Rush); the me­ Tingle (Helen Mirren), and all hell About Losing Your Virginity. 0 How 0 The pitch: Casper gets nasty. toon Gen X-ers fondly remember. tropolis' only hope falls into the breaks loose when she comes it goes: A group of high school 0 How it goes: A trio of insomni­ 0 How it goes: See above. With hands of seven lame wannabes knocking on teach's doorstep to boys vow to, you know, do it by acs (Catherine Zeta-Jones, Lili Tay­ Matthew Broderick in the title role, (played by Ben Stiller, William H. clear her name. The directorial de­ prom or die. Comedic havoc en­ lor and Owen Wilson) are invited Joely Fisher as the love interest and Macy, Janeane Garofalo, Hank but of Scream scribe Kevin sues. 0 Buzz: Teen movies are a to a mansion with, shall we say, a - most intriguing of all - Rupert Azaria, Wes Studi, Kel Mitchell and Williamson. 0 Buzz: Bloodshed at dime a dozen, what with a She~ All nightlife of its own by a mysteri­ Everett as Claw. 0 Buzz: But Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Rubens). Columbine inadvertently caused a That or a 10 Things I Hate About ous psychologist (Liam Neeson, where's Penny? And Brain? Maybe If you couldn't tell, it's supposed title change from Killing to Teach­ You released every couple weeks. leaving his lightsaber home). 0 Gadget will be worth a go(-go!) to to be silly: Garofalo's weapon of ing, so it'll be interesting to see if But those films didn't feature a par­ Buzz: If that nasty Blair Witch see all sorts of computer-generated choice is a bowling ball. 0 Buzz: this jokey thriller picks up criticism ticularly frustrated guy pleasuring doesn't satiate your taste for sum­ appendages sprout from Brod­ This Super Friends spoof sounds for not postponing its release until himself with the help of an after­ mer scares, here's a bigger-budget erick's arms, legs and hat, but it fun. Frankly, we were already teen violence wasn't on everyone's dinner pastry, just one of the spook story with crazy special ef­ better please adults and kids to jus­ hooked at the very mention of the mind. If this happens, expect a simi­ naughty gags that got Pie in trouble fects. Have you seen the preview? tify messing with such a beloved Stiller-Garofalo pairing. The bowl­ lar fate to befall Scream 3, which with the Motion Picture Association The house-comes-alive angle looks TV chestnut. The coming attraction ing ball thing cements the deal. Williamson is unfortunately only of America's ratings board. The like it'll provide many jolts - es­ is amusing, but why all the sex (July 30) writing a treatment for instead of scene was allegedly trimmed, but pecially those demonic angel wall­ jokes? (July 23) penning the actual script. this flick'll still probably push the carvings that reach out and touch Teaching Mrs. Tingle Williamson's name alone should envelope ala There's Something Taylor. Shiver. This could be the Mystery Men (6) 0 The p;tch: Death and the draw teens into Tingle for at least a About Mary. (July 9) movie to put d.ll:ector Jan De Bont 0 The p;tch: Not-so-superhe- Maiden redone as an ABC After- week. (August 20) THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999 PAGE 17

SUMMER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA A Swinging Shindig at the New Bohager's from PARKER, page 11 to be one of the first- and possi­ bly only - attempts to create the expansive compared to the claus­ proper swinging habitat necassary trophobic black-box down the for an Austin Celebration. The sev­ street. eral hours of Top 40 dance music The opening party, apparently that had preceeded Splitsville was sponsored heavily by Heineken, enough to make Austin himself bare was intended to bring Austin devo­ his rotten choppers. tees and polyester-clad throwbacks Splitsville was followed by from miles around. In actuality, by Lovenut, the band in the "See Ya 9 p.m. there were about Round Downtown" Baltimore pro­ 30 people in atten­ motional commercials. Lovenut dance, comprised of succeeded in entertaining the sunburnedlocalsand Powers devotees until the 30-somethings fresh midnight costume contest. from Corporate Red Checkered America, just look­ Bob's Big Boy ing for a place look-alike not to unwind af­ only took ter another home his wretched day , / oversized, plas­ at the quarry. tic hamburger, but The only first place as well. emPowered ,; However, no one went ones were a couple of home empty handed, men in Union Jack-em­ as the promoters of the New Line Cinema blazoned running shorts, event shared the love Velvet Crush: As a stunning secret agent, Heather Graham romances Mike Myers' international man sporting wigs, horrible with a few freebees. of mystery in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. teeth and ample chest hair Yeah, baby, that made them look less yeeeeah. like Austin and more like Though no one Myers' Randy Powers Sequel Sasquatch. They were got a taste of joined by Dr. Evil and a Austin's mojo, Puts the 'Grrr' in Great, Baby! beautiful young woman of anyone could've nondescript character and shagged - or A sequel to a movie that wasn't a enjoyment's best interest. As with all spoofs, misfrres oc­ short skirt, as well as a very snagged, very big hit to begin with isn't an But do people really care if the cur-how not original to cut to an large, very realistic Bob's Big rather- free especially encouraging idea-un­ story adds up? Far more pressing erupting volcano following sug­ Boy. Very few costumed oth­ Jennifer Siciliano pamphlets, less, of course, it's Austin Powers: matters involve whether or not gested sexual activity - and not ers trickled in, even though the Cheeky Monkey: m1m Austin The Spy Who Shagged Me (***1/z Myers, both as scribe and per­ every single punchline quite hits a WJZ news crew was on hand Say, is that a gorilla Powers post­ out of four). former, is at his cheekiest. The an­ home run; The Spy Who Shagged to make the drunken locals nursing that Heinekin ers, and a water This second helping of bawdy swer- a strong "don't worry"­ Me has a tendency to drag a few look foolish and the brave, or just a party-goer in bottle that business from star/writer Mike comes long before he debuts yet a shenanigans out to the point of costumed few feel self-con- Austin duds? looked a little Myers successfully begins to stack third role, that of a slobbering, Scot­ overkill, though that's less of a scious. like a ... a franchise on top of the 1997 origi­ tish Dr. Evil henchman called Fat stumbling block here than it was for Two bands graced the indiscern­ Cock your ears for this one nal, which was basically a base Bastard. Giving life to this loath­ its predecessor (remember the in­ ible stage a well-lit side area which becuase it reminded us of a big ... send-up of British cinema, the some brute enables Myers to not terminable urination bit?). could have just as easily been a Dick Clark, were he there, might Movie Review James Bond only hide under what looks like a One area done better by the pre­ coatrack for all it resembled a stage. say it looked somewhat like his own series in par­ ton of latex, it permits the kind of vious installment, however, would The first band to play was byJemie Peck ticular. Spy kilts-and-haggis humor he mined so be the female lead: Elizabeth Splitsville, a groovy suit-clad group Giant Love Wand would be a has greater ambitions and makes effectively in So I Married an Axe Hurley brought her an appealing of local young men who were cool name for a band, wouldn't it? good on them, sticking it to the Murderer. He' d be guilty of mix of sensuality and sportsman­ largely unintelligible due to really And they could play at a similar aforementioned target while simul­ spotlight-hogging were he not so ship. Hurley gets explained away overpowering instruments. Shame, event where one of the giveaway taneously leaving no pop-culture dead-on in all three parts, each of in a nifty prologue, thus opening the because the vocals were quite good items is a water bottle that re­ stone unturned. In the first 10 min­ which could probably occupy his door for Heather Graham, who when audible. The groups nod to sembles a well-sized ... utes alone, Myers lampoons 007 own farce alone. looks fetching in mesh but seems the free-love era included a cover Wang Chung. There was a lot of themes, Star Wars screen-crawls Like Myers' hats, the fllm fuses out-of-sync with the groovy of "Pictures of Lily," which seemed it at Night of 100 Austins. and Esther Williams' underwater cast members old and new. Show­ goings-on. ballets - and they mostly click, ing up from the former Austin are No matter. With Myers, Mini-Me in-season or not. familiar favorites such as Number and more delightfully gag-worthy This inspired silliness carries into Two ·(Robert Wagner), Frau gags than There's Something About and throughout the entire film, Farbissina (Mindy Sterling) and Mary- a naughty shadow show which finds '60s nemeses Austin Scott Evil (Seth Green). Misunder­ and a coffee pitcher full of feces Help u.s Powers (Myers), the swinging stood Scott, the bad Dr.'s son, par­ blow low and lower- these flaws sleuth with a ghastly Shirley takes in clashes with dad that are hardly register. Austin 1 did about Partridge-'do and ghastlier Nehru utterly priceless, leading the elder $50 million at the box-office and jackets, and Dr. Evil (Myers again), Evil to play father-figure instead to then found an audience of avid the wicked mastermind with a his 28-inch-tall clone (Verne devotees upon its video release. kooky affmity for his hairless kitty Troyer), a malevolent munchkin he With those folks now foaming at the help you. and kookier plans for world domi­ affectionately dubs Mini-Me. This mouth over the prospect of future nation, again clashing in the '90s. Island ofDr. Moreau-inspiredchar­ films, Austin 2 is practically guar­ Evil's nonsensical schemes involve acter gets used and abused fre­ anteed to destroy the notion of di­ using time-travel to steal Powers' quently, reaffirming how Spy shuns minishing returns. In fact, from the Write for us and earn mojo (or, for those not in the know, political-correctness in its search wit, love and craft on display here, his libido), though in the funnier for a quick giggle fix. But the jokes another Austin adventure promises cash. Call x126o for · self-referential bits, Myers and Co. are never offensive, even if they to generate the same solid hype and draw attention to plot holes and sug­ spend a majority of the time in and eager anticipation. further information. gest that overlooking them is in full around the toilet. Goldswinger, anyone? PAGE 18 THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999

SUMMER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA A Showcase for Wily Wilde Wit Shameful pasts. Secret affairs. Astonishing revelations. Political intrigue. No, An Ideal Husband (*** 112) isn't a depiction of recent turmoil in our nation's capital­ though the title would take on an ironic new meaning were that the Movie Review case. Instead, it's a hand- by Jemie Peck some adapta­ tion of the beloved Oscar Wilde play, and the story, with all of its aforementioned scandalous compo­ nents, couldn't render it timelier. Or funnier: Wilde's penchant for epi­ Paramount Pictures grams and one-liners remains de­ On the Trail: In the mystery-thriller The General's Daughter, John spite some necessary cinematic Travolta and Madeleine Stowe investigate a seedy murder on an tinkering on the part of director/ army base filled with suspects. writer Oliver Parker. Parker, who helmed the fiery Miramax Films Laurence Fishburne Othello a few Master Class: Cate Blanchett, Minnie Driver and Rupert Everett Travolta Commands years back, takes liberties here just are three sides of a love-pentagon in An Ideal Husband. like he did there. His Othello lopped off about half of the source text and nothing," he deadpans on the sub­ when motivation gets a little murky Three-Star General modified the rest in favor of mass ject of upper-crust chit-chat in a and certain strands don't quite hit The General's Daughter(*** Our protagonists' sleuthing un­ audience appeal, but Wilde purists typically wry bit of Wilde wit. "It's the highs of others. But since this out of four) garners its stripes for earths a slew of unsavory revela­ will be happy to know that no such the only thing I know anything is mostly an actors' movie, those passionate performances, a gold tions from the victim's past, as well sacrilegious bombshells are about." flaws seem more minute than they star for slick suspense and a medal as many shady supporting types. dropped with Husband. The biggest Well, there'll be plenty to discuss already are. Aside from Everett's of honor for the highly intriguing, James Woods clashes masterfully changes involve expanding beyond soon enough. Devilish debutante show-stealing. there's Aussie relatively tasteful portrayal of a sce­ with Travolta as the deceased's the original's mere four scenes in Miss Cheveley (Julianne Moore), Blanchett again proving chamele­ Movie Review nario that enigmatic mentor, their scenes more terms of action and setting, modifi­ Goring's ex-fiancee, surfaces in his onic range after her robust ruler in would seem explosive than those that contain cations which serve its cinematic late-1800s London province to dis­ Elizabeth and Joisey gal in Push­ by Janie Peck to drip with actual frrearms. Ex-Mod Squad-er status while staying faithful to the cuss marriage while secretly black­ ing 1in and American Moore flaunt­ pulpy sleaze. Also earned is a de­ Clarence Williams ill is weird and genius of Wilde. A series of poten­ mailing Sir Robert Chiltem (class ing a Gwyneth-class Brit accent, her merit or two for a notably sluggish sweaty as a colonel intensely loyal tially stuffy high-society gather­ act Jeremy Northam, his dilemma devilish mouth curling around ev­ beginning and an anti-climactic fi­ to his superiors. Even the notion ings, both public and personal, are palpable), Goring's best friend and ery suggestive word. nale, but even these bewildering that the girl's decorated father now broken up with sequences in an up-and-coming figure in parlia­ With Jane Austen's library-to­ bookends aren't enough to get an (James Cromwell) isn't beyond sus­ lush countrysides and conservato­ ment, with a skeleton long buried screen craze gone but not forgotten otherwise gripping military murder picion won't be news to fans of the ries. in his closet. Chiltem's loyal wife and the Bard nearing the end of his mystery a dishonorable discharge twisty genre. But unsettling shocks Complain about this restructuring (Cate Blanchett) and siren sister Shakespeare in Love-induced hot from theaters. are delivered in the ultimate disclo­ if you must, but please speak fondly (Minnie Driver, never better) also streak, Husband's sparkling, irre­ An occasionally seedy, always sures of this supremely unusual of the cast. An Ideal Husband lays poke their way into this tremen­ sistible and gentle comedy of man­ adult-oriented agenda is announced parent-child bond- and it's prob­ claim to an A-list of performers in dously tangled character-woven ners could be just the art-house the precise moment Daughter's ball ably not what you're thinking. its featured quintet of roles, and web; the former finds herself at a draw to give Wdde his due in the gets rolling, following an unneces­ Sure, The General's Daughter is each has delicious things to do and crossroads after learning her mainstream spotlight. It's not likely sarily lengthy intro that allows messy in ways most thrillers are: say - especially Rupert Everett. hubby's secret, the latter rivals Miss that this forecast will need much viewers to meet and greet John logic holes, ill-used actors (here, the Somehow snubbed by the Academy Cheveley for Goring's affections. luck: In a summer full of light-sa­ Travolta in another sterling dra­ horribly underrated Timothy for his savory supporting tum in An Ideal Husband probably bers, mojo and glossy star vehicles, matic turn. He plays top warrant Hutton as a helpful MP) and a weak 1997's My Best Friend's Wedding, sounds more complex than it is. the film already ranks as a smallish officer Paul Brenner, assigned by send-off that botches the actual Everett could see Oscar rebound for Though classics aren't usually as­ but rewarding breath of fresh air. the army's Criminal Investigation perp's identity and motive. But the his delightfully droll turn as Sir sociated with accessibility, Parker, Throw in special effects that are 100 Division to sort through some movie still resonates strongly, par­ Arthur Goring, an idle bachelor taking a cue from his Othello work, percent human. and An Ideal Hus­ sticky business involving an arms ticularly the potent posthumous with little on his to-do list and even keeps his multi-layered people and band makes for a movie bet that's buyer on a Georgia base. During his development of the title character less to say. "I love talking about plots remarkably straight - even beyond ideal. stay there, the general's daughter and the solid acting from Travolta, (Leslie Stefanson), a captain her­ Woods and Stowe. Stowe over­ self, turns up dead - and naked, comes her female-tagalong r<:>le by on video etly into the galaxy. spread-eagle, tent-staked to the commanding one of Daughter's That's the cracklingly fun mid­ ground and apparently sexually as­ most attention-capturing moments: The Faculty night-movie premise of The F ac­ saulted. You can probably wager a her shrewd locker-room grilling of *** uity, which. thanks to yet another guess as to whether or not this a cadet who's concealing important Most folks compare the fmal canny, engaging screenplay by movie is your cup of tea already. case-related secrets. four years of their pre-college Scream scribe Kevin William­ To help him look for leads, Director Simon West cut his teeth education to a slog through hell, son, sort of plays like Buffy the Brenner gets paired with a rape spe­ on 1997's Con Air, a testosterone­ but the students at Ohio's Alien Slayer Joins the Breakfast cialist (Madeleine Stowe) with heavy Simpson-Bruckheimer Herrington High have it worse­ Club. If the story sounds deriva­ whom he shares a romantic history. actioner, and brings similar stylized much worse. Not only do these tive of countless other individual The resulting rekindled-relation­ visuals to The General's Daughter kids have to deal with bullies, films and even entire categories, ship subplot takes up less time than - meaning that chopper blades peer pressure and their impend­ that's probably because it is, but initially suspected, but still feels spin in glorious slow-motion and ing post-graduation futures, they Williamson is far too clever a tacked-on-especially while rush­ nary an edit lasts longer than 10 must also get their education writer to let an overused set-up ing to a happy resolution over the seconds. This odd choice pays off, from a teaching staff that's truly drift on auto-pilot. Like the closing credits. Perhaps it stems making edgier scenes seem less out of this world, Invasion of the Scream franchise, The F acuity is from a need to make sure viewers exploitative. But why does West Body Snatchers-style. It seems laden with winking allusions to exit The General's Daughter reas­ plop a statistic over the ending fade­ that nasty extra-terrestrials from the wretched excesses of its sured that the world ain't such a bad to-black that estimates the number a distant planet are attempting to Dimension Films genre. Those especially familiar Alienated Teen: Elijah Wood place after all, because the material of women in the armed forces at an infiltrate the Earth via rural Cen­ with the various creature features slays 'em in The Faculty that constitutes a majority of the empowering high? If Daughter was tral America, well, because it of 1960s drive-ins or John preceding two hours certainly sug­ supposed to inspire females to be ain't showy. What they don't in the form of a half-dozen class of Hughes teen flicks of the 1980s gests the opposite. It's a mon­ all they can be, it needs a major re­ count on is meeting their match '99-crs who aren't about to go qui- will have a blast here. -JP strously depressing story, really. write. THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999 PAGE19

WEEKLY

e 1n• e when our holding

- experience our first piece all over again Ju Passes and prizes are available whi e supplies as • o purchase necessary. Limit one per p rso • mp oy e of niversal ictures, The Retriever Weekly an UMBC are not eligi le. PAGE20 THE PRETRIEVER FEATURES June 22, 1999

Events Ha ·.· ··· ••••· ····ng lhrou~hout r ..,..r~'I':_Qr Baltimore-Wash •• ·• ·. •• Area

Aries (March 21-April small that each crab is ad­ ter what gender you are, 19): Ah, the warm and mired. You can even achieve sundresses will provide Happening Now Pants, "a story of revenge, funk and fuzzy summer days are demi-godly status if you go hours of entertainment Pure Columbia questionable sexuality set in the disco­ here, and you are dream­ to Hemmingford Home. for you this summer. Don't worry! Even though the Colum­ drenched year of 1977," is just $5. ing of fun in the sun, Wear them, eat them, bia Festival of the Arts officially be­ (That's their synopsis, not ours.) skimpy bathing suits worn Leo (July 23-August 22): nominate them for the gan four days ago, you can still catch Sounds like fun. For more info, give by that special someone There's nothing like wasting presidency - whatever the duration of this celebration of vi­ (410) 685-3200 x742 a ring. and waking up at dinner­ your summer days working tickles your fancy. Avoid sual and performance art until June 27 time each day. But alas, a meaningless, thankless job giving them excessive at various locations throughout Colum­ Tuesday, June 29 your dreams are as far for minimum 'Wage. As you human characteristics, bia (duh). Bring some cash, as events They Got Game from reality as the coyote are busting your butt for the though, for they are range from free to fund-required. Marivaux's dark comedy The Game of from catching that knav­ man, your youth is slipping cocky creatures and will Ticket information is available at par­ Love and Chance debuts at the ish roadrunner: so close, through your fingers like a begin to see themselves ticipating Olssens' Bookstores, Waxie Kennedy Center in a very limited en­ but still unattainable. Do handful of sand. Never fear, as super heroes and plan Maxie's, Record Town, Record and gagement - today through July 1 at not despair, though, for though, for the system will to take over the world. Tape Traders or by calling Protix at 7:30 p.m. nightly. As part of the soon your workload will take care of you as you grow (410) 665-4160. A full schedule of Center's Performance Plus program, a ease with the arrival of a old and useless. Of course it Capricorn (Decem­ Columbia Festival of the Arts happen­ free post-performance discussion will flirtatious new co-worker. will. Yes. Your work will not ber 22-January 19): In ings is available at The Baltimore Sun's take place in the Eisenhower Theater go unrewarded. Nope. Never. Slaughterhouse Five, SunS pot: http :1/citysearch. sunspot. net/ following tomorrow's performance. Taurus (April 20- Now is the perfect time to run Kurt Vonnegut talks at E/E/BALMD/0000/50/821. Tickets for the play range from $30 to May 20): A brand new for your life. length of bugs that have $50 and are available through (202) body modification will been preserved in amber Thursday, June 24 467-4600, as is general information turn a few heads and stop Virgo (August 23-Sep­ for centuries and their re­ Disability Action and perhaps the answer to any ques­ some traffic, not to men­ tember22): Your fascination lation to the viewing of The Mayor's Commission on Disabili­ tion you might have. tion set off numerous with vintage game shows is time as a mountain range. ties presents "Accessible, Affordable, metal detectors. One of getting seriously out of con­ Keep this in mind as you Available Housing" from 5 p.m. to 7 Upcoming the latter will occur while trol. Pretty soon, everything travel to work each morn­ at Pleasant View Gardens. This fifth But Will Her Psychic Friends Be traveling when a paranoid coming out of your mouth ing, since both work and annual forum will provide a discussion There? and overly cautious cus­ will be in question format the commute are so bor­ of many topics related to the MCD, If Columbia couldn't contain your toms agents will strip and no discovery will seem ing that your brain needs from fair housing for individuals with cravings for culture, try Artscape, search you, in the end real unless it is presented by something to chew on so disabilities to loan programs and Sec­ Baltimore's summer festival of the arts. frnding nothing but your Vanna White. This little it does not grow moldy tion 8. Panelists from local housing and It will kick off on July 9 with a luscious perforated flesh. dream world of yours is drag­ and begin to smell. neighborhood groups will attend, as millennia! theme- "Artscape 2000 Some good will come out ging you down, so now is as will Mayor Kurt L. Schmoke. The Minus 1" - and continue until July of this experience as you good time as ever to smash Aquarius (January event is free and open to the public. 11 on Mount Royal Avenue and its sur­ develop a steamy ro­ in your TV and take up a new 20-February 18): An un­ Call the MCD at (410) 396-9944 for rounding area, again featuring a strong mance with the head of hobby. Skydiving seems to fortunate accident involv­ more info. line-up of performances: Dionne customs. be a popular choice among ing bricks, frying pans Warwick, the Duke Ellington Orches­ the cool kids today. and your head will result Friday, June 25 tra, Ashford & Simpson with poet Gemini (May 21- in having your memory Sip and See Maya Angelou, the Temptations, Kirk June 20): Get off your Libra (September 23- replaced with the person­ The Friends of the Walters host "Mar­ Whalum and Cyrus Chesnut. Novelist lazy ass, slacker! So far 0ctober 22): Now is the per­ ality of a rodent with in­ tinis and Masterpieces," their first Albert French, poet Julia Kasdorf and this summer, all you've fect time to take that exotic credible super powers. event of the year, from 6:30p.m. to non-fiction writer Gus Russo will also been doing is watching vacation you have been plan­ Every night you try to 9:30 at the Walters Art Gallery. You'll be on hand, as will a selection of inter­ TV, eating junk food and ning. Abandon everything, take over the world along spend the evening enjoying national music (China, India and Rus­ drinking beer. Somehow, hop in your car and drive to with your perpetually Stolichayna martinis, hors d' oeuvres, sia) and dance performances (Africa, you have been able to af­ Vegas as if your life de­ cheerful sidekick, but the lounge music by the Swingin' Swamis Korea, Spain and Germany). For fur­ ford rent through unem­ pended on it. This is neces­ plans fail and you end up and a tour of the new exhibition "An ther information, see www.artscape. ployment checks, but this sary because your life actu­ at square one each time. Eye for Detail: 17th-Century Dutch and org or e-mail [email protected]. will not cut it for much ally does depend on it. Your Oh, wait. Maybe that's Flemish Paintings from the Collection longer. Before you know house will spontaneously just the dream you have of Henry H. Weldon." Admission is Don't Worry, Bead Happy it, you will be out on the combust shortly, so start after watching to many $10 for Walters members and Friends The Baltimore Bead Society will offer street, sitting on the cor­ packing. A new life awaits cartoons. of the Walters and $30 for the general a series of classes on July 17 from 10 ner in your pajamas and you in the open deserts of the public. Call (410) 547-9000 x288 for a.m. to 4 p.m. at its new location­ muttering something West. Pisces (February 19- further information. the Howard County Arts Center in about parrots and bingo. March 20): Ah, fishy Ellicott City; topics include Intro to You've got potential, dear Scorpio (October 23- soul, how you long for Hot Pants Beading, Fused Glass Jewelry, Beaded Gemini. Don't let this November 21): An assassi­ the freedom of the ocean You might've missed the June 18 open­ Knitted Pendant, Beaded Crochet happen to you. nation has long been in the waters while watching ing of Boogie Pants Productions' in­ Necklace, Beaded Tassel and Treasure works for you, but you barely despondently the world augural show - titled, appropriately Necklace. And if you can't get enough Cancer (June 21-July escape certain death with the outside your muddy enough, Boogie Pants: The Play-but beading fun, the BBS will be holding 22): You are a crab, so you help of Quincy, Medical Ex­ aquarium. You have ex­ you can still catch its p~oduction to­ its second-Tuesday-of-every-month probably know how most aminer, who makes a valiant plored every inch of this night or on any of its remaining (except August 7) meetings at said lo­ other crabs spend their decision to save your life. glass cell and now press playdates: June 26, July 1 and 3 at the cation from 7 p.m. to 9. Call Linda at summers: getting toasted The two of you take off for your face to its walls, Barn Theater on the campus of (41 0) 256-3048 for more info or to frnd in a big pot and socializ­ the sunny Mexico coast, hoping one day to escape Catonsville Community College at 8 out how to join. -compiledfrom press ing with large amounts of where an exciting career in and enjoy your full swim­ p.m. each night. Admission for Boogie releases by Jamie Peck Old Bay seasoning, little the entertainment industry ming skills. But as you wooden mallets and hun­ awaits you. You will die in pine for the unattainable, gry picnickers. You can exactly four years, seven you are overlooking the escape this horrendous months and twenty days. No beauty your own little Around Town is a calendar published weekly to notify fate by skipping town im­ one will know the cause of world has to offer. Look readers of events in the Baltimore area. Those wishing to sub­ mediately. Keep in mind your passing. around yourself and dis­ mit calendar announcements should do so at least one week that, in desolate cover the magic that has prior to the event. Please send written submissions (including midwestern plains, the Sagittarius (November been under your nose all all neces~ary information!) for Around Town to The Retriever crab population is so 22-December 21): No mat- along. Weekly, 1000 Hilltop Circle, UC 214, Baltimore, MD 21250. ·,,by a.:n.:n.a. k:a.p l.a.:n. June 22, 1999 PAGE21

Teaser #1 goes here Teaser #3 goes here 00 and here and here 00 Teaser #2 goes here Teaser #4 goes here 00 and here SPORTS and here 00 1998-'99 Athletic Campaign a Breakthrough for UMBC

CHRIS KERNER record overall. Following their out­ September with the men's golf Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff standing regular season, the team team's winning of the NEC cham­ received an automatic bid to the pionships at the Penn National Golf Considering UMBC's flrst sea­ NCAA tournament where they met Course. UMBC placed four play­ son in the Northeast Conference a the 10th-ranked USC Trojans on ers in the top ten, including indi­ success would be a gross under­ their horne court. The Retrievers put vidual champion Tim Walko, who statement. Not only did the Retriev­ up a valiant effort against the pe­ shot an NEC record-breaking score ers capture the Commissioner's rennial powerhouse Trojans, losing of 2-under-par. The team also broke Cup for being the most complete three hard-fought games and earn­ the record for lowest total score for sports program in the conference, ing praise from their opponents' 36 holes while head coach Pat but they perched themselves on the players and coach. The team Kotten was NEC Coach of the Year. edge of nationwide acknowledg­ boasted the NEC's Player of the Not to be outdone by the golf ment as well. Year in Lisa Cline, the NEC team, the women's soccer team ad­ The men's lacrosse team made tournament's MVP in Joanne vanced to the flnals of the NEC the NCAA tournament for the sec­ Marshall, and the conference's next tournament, but came up just short ond straight year while setting two best players in LaNae Baker in its 3-2 double overtime loss to school records for wins in a season and Megan McNamara. defending champion Central Con­ (11) and winning streak (8). The The third UMBC team to make necticut State. For the season, the team was led by All-Americans the NCAA tournament in ~98-'99 Retrievers compiled an 11-8 over­ Chris Turner and Jason Quenzer as was women's tennis. The Lady Re­ all record (7 -1 in the NEC) and well as outstanding goalie Andrew trievers won a tightly contested fl­ placed three players on the All-Con­ Hampson. They fmished the season nals match over defending cham­ ference teams. It was a very suc­ as the 11th-ranked team in the na­ pion Central Connecticut State to cessful start for first year head tion after defeating College Park take the NEC championship and coach Denise Schilte. and North Carolina. Although the earn an automatic bid to the Schilte's counterpart, men's soc­ team lost in the flrst round, Don NCAA's. In their flrst round match, cer head coach Pete Caringi, also Zimmerman's squad will return 25 UMBC took on William & Mary led his team to a successful 1998 letter winners for the 2000 season and lost. The season was definitely campaign. The Retrievers managed joined by 18 new recruits. a success for head coach Keith an 11-7-2 record and a spot in the David Moyer I Retriever Weekly Staff Equaling the success of the men's Puryear and his team as they com­ NEC tournament, where their hopes All-American Jason Quenzer and the rest of the Retriever defense lacrosse team was the women's piled a 20-3 record and he was were dashed after a go-ahead contained the Blue Hens for most of the game until a six-goal volleyball team, led by head coach named the NEC's Coach of the UMBC goal was disallowed by the Delaware outburst in the last 11 minutes. Catherine Lavery. Her squad ran Year. officials. Individually, however, this over NEC competition with an 8-0 Some other highlights on the year record en route to compiling a 22-6 for the Retrievers began in early see ATHLETICS, page 22 Retrievers Get Henpecked in N CAAs UMBC Allows 6 Goals in Finalll Minutes and Loses in Overtime

JOHN MICHAEL MCCRORY the game as the Retrievers jumped Retriever Weekly Staff Writer out to an 11-5 lead. Their offense was controlling the ball and the After less tl\anone year of re- } ()~ ~'·ife~t:···~~.e~!~ttwfiJl The UMBC men's lacrosse team strong Retriever shooters were get­ blew a flve-goal lead in the flnal ting off quality shots on goal. ~:CU:t;i:~s~~i=:J >>l~:a~~(~ i~I~1S!I~;~:~:: period of their 12-11 overtime loss UMBC continued to hold its son has decided that lie will re .. to Delaware in the first round of the seemingly insurmountable lead tum to the coaching ranks in the will ··be the nex1 NCAA lacrosse championships on 1:36 into the fourth quarter until the NBA.Lastweek;theNBA'sall~ tfieir egos and he knows how to Michael Jordan. Let's be reali~ May 16. The game was played be­ Blue Hens ran off a streak of flve time winningest coach (in per~ make the supportillg cast feel that tic here. Sure, Kobe does have fore a large crowd of 4,103 specta­ goals in just over flve minutes to centage) landed a six.. year. $24 their ro!¢ is 'key to the team win­ oome skills, but let•s hold off tors at Towson's Minnegan Sta­ pull to within one, 11-10. million contract with the Los ning~ 1'11e rnain problem with the until b.e actually achieves SOIJl(}o; dium. It marked the second year in Delaware's Sean Carney then Angeles, ~rs, a team compa.. ~ers~ l\pWeve~1 ';js· J\Pt talent~ but· thing bf?fore we proclaim hini a row that the Retrievers were de­ scored on a pass from John Grant rable to his Buns~ dynasty in tat. attitude. the be$(, player to ever lace up feated in the first round of the with just 59 seconds left to send the ent, but also filled with high- It begin$ in. the middle with the baSketball shoes. Just to Show NCAA's. contest into sudden death overtime. ranking members of the '~Me"_ ·· team's obvious leader. Shaq DieseL Bryant~s level of maturity in his In the contest, the Blue Hens UMBC got the first possession of generation, The most dominant center in the garnet commentators were vaulted into the lead for the first the overtime period, only to give up His coaching skills will defi~ NBA still seems to be more inter­ showering him with compli­ time on the last play of the game the ball on a turnover. Then the nitely be on display. as the Lak- estedin dunking on people and then ments in a late-season _game by scoring seven consecutive goals, same combination of Carney and ers will be expected to win the staring tbeth down as opposed to when he recorded six assists. including one in overtime, to steal Grant scored the winning overtime champiQnship in his first year~. gaining some maturity and caring They ·were surprised that he ac~ the win from the Retrievers. goal just :42 in, when the ball no exceptions. Now we will more abOut winning.. You would tually passed the ball at all. He Delaware's win moved them into slipped past UMBC's outstanding truly find out if he really is a think that ifhe was really interested also waved off Karl Malone in the second round against perennial senior goaltender Andrew superior coach or if be won in in capturing a championship he last year's All-Star game··~ as lacrosse powerhouse Virginia, Hampson. Chicago sitnply because he was JDight improve ltis foul shooting. a rookie! He did not even de­ · whom the Blue Hens would even­ Overall. in the contest, John blessed with the best player ever He could average at least three to serve to be in the All~ Stat game tually lose to as the Wahoos would Harasym led the Retriever offense in Michael Jordan and one of the four more points a game if he could anyway and he actually had the go on to capture the national title. with one goal and three assists game·s .fifty all-time greats in ' convert '75 peroent,of his charity nerve to wave off a 13-time aiJ ... Delaware's opponents in the first while Dan Marohl and Casey Hard Scottie PJ.ppen. shots. Without Shaq~s undivided round, however, looked to be on had two goals apiece. Senior Chris His job in LA will definitely attentiqn to \Vo~npirig and being a their way to the quarterfinals through the first three quarters of see NCAA, page 22 PAGE22 THE PRETRIEVER SPORTS June 22, 1999 Retrievers End Record-Breaking Season With Loss from TAKE IT, page 21 "Delaware did a very good job of getting into the hole real tight. They put a lot of pres­ Turner, UMBC's leading scorer during the sure on us, and I think we forced the ball at regular season, chipped in a goal and two times when we shouldn't have and we did assists. The game ended the Retreivers' not capitalize when we should have, but we record eight-game winning streak. played hard," added fellow senior Turner. Head Coach Don Zimmerman commented Zimmerman summed up his team's loss, on the game afterwards. "We are very disap­ "It seems like when they started to make their pointed; we worked hard to get a six goal run we lost our composure and that cost us lead. I don't think our guys relaxed, they con­ the game." tinued to play hard, which I am proud of, you The loss does not taint the outstanding sea­ just have to give Delaware credit. They turned son that the Retrievers enjoyed in 1999. The up the pressure and I think we got away from team set a record for wins in a season with our game plan a little bit, as far as cutting the 11 while maintaining an eight-game winning playing field in half. Delaware was able to streak heading into the NCAA tournament. run and gun the last eleven minutes of the The Retrievers will lose some key seniors to game. I am disappointed we lost and I know graduation as Hampson (64.7 percent save these guys are disappointed, but I would like percentage and 7.9 GAAin '99), Turner (219 to acknowledge that they gave everything points, second on UMBC's all-time list), they had this season and today." Casey Hard, and All-American defenseman The Retrievers netminder, Hampson, had Jason Quenzer will be leaving the squad. another outstanding game in goal and he had There is defmitely hope for next year, how­ this to say about the overtime score that ended David Moyer I Retriever Weekly Staff ever, as UMBC returns 25 letter winners his collegiate career, "I was able to make that History Repeats Itself: The game against Delarae brought an end to a second while 18 rising freshman have already com­ save every day at practice. I was on it but it straight outstanding season for men's lacrosse. The Retrievers racked up a record mitted to Coach Zimmerman's program for trickled in." 11 wins, including an eight-game winning streak. the 2000 season.

As collegiate lacrosse enters the new mil­ suggested a format that has automatic bids lennium there will be some significant for the winners of the five major conferences changes in its makeup. The normally 12-team while another suggestion calls for eight au­ NCAA tournament that has always been an tomatic bids for conference winners and only at-large format will now consist of nearly half four at-large bids. automatic berths. Because of this policy As a result of this change, UMBC has change, many teams, including the UMBC joined a freshly formed league called the Retrievers, have considered moving into es- . Eastern College Athletic Conference, along tablished leagues. with other teams such as Navy, Georgetown, A decision has yet to be made on exactly Penn State, Massachusetts, Rutgers and how the new system will run. Some have Stony Brook.

David Moyer I Retriever Weekly Staff Senior Chris Turner has been eluding defenders his whole career, but ultimately his efforts were not enough to carry UMBC to a win over Delaware.

UMBC Sports on the Rise from ATHLETICS, page 21 lacrosse team. The players remained unde­ feated in the conference with a 15-9 champi­ team was rewarded for its stellar play with onship game win over Monmouth. Included five All-Conference selections. in their stellar season was a mid-season up­ Success continued in the winter for the Re­ set of then 11th-ranked Old Dominion. The trievers as the men's basketball team won an Retrievers plaeed four players from their NEC-record 17 games in the conference championship squad on the All-Conference while improving five games on its '97-'98 teams. campaign to 19-9. During the seaso~ UMBC The UMBC softball team also performed had a Division I record winning streak of 11 well as it entered the post-season as the fourth games while starting the conference sched­ seed in the NEC. Two close losses in that tour­ ule at 15-0. The team graduates only one nament prevented the team from clinching player and will seek to avenge this year's UMBC's seventh win in NEC sports. This semi-fmalloss in the NEC tournament to team also boasted the NEC Player of the Year ccsu. in sophomore Crystal Ray as well as three Winter achievements continued for UMBC other additions to the All-Conference teams. sports in mid-February as the women's swim­ Overall, the UMBC sports program has ming team put on a dominating performance gained and will continue to gain nationwide in the NEC championships. The Lady Re­ recognition for its success. College Park is trievers won 14 of the 20 contested events no longer the lone outstanding NCAA pro­ while beating second place CCSU by almost gram in the state. The 1998-99 athletic cam­ 300 points. paign will be looked back upon for years to The spring season brought a second con­ come as the springboard for UMBC's vault secutive NEC championship to the women's into the national spotlight. THE PRETRIEVER SPORTS June 22, 1999 PAGE23

. ~ The Retrieve.r Week ly . & Pa .amount 'Pictures invite you to visit SOUTH PARK: BIG(i~R, ~(J!fCi,qR & UNCUT!

Tile Retriever ;}Y~~)~ and ;;fPara·mount -hictkjes are .... excited to aiin'GUJi~ the :~ ~~le~se of ·StJ 'fJrH:/'ARK: B1GGEJII LONGER 1 k.. :: ~ UNCUT. Cqine.,tO The · . Retiieve_r· Weekly pftjce\, (V£214) on -~~tW¥n¥aY, June . "'' · ~3 rd 1turing . ·.···· i!~:l;;. normal business .,"il'a'IIS to pick Up .~""~- Ytf~ pass (good · ~w\ .. · fO{ two) to a s' ·· .. ·· c~al advance ). . ning of the on the .•.•... . rl~ng of · ay, Jpne 28th ewsWhite Theatres!

. I ?'SOUTH PAR

•·. ,. ~

;~= ·Passes arid prizes . .. U..l.ll6&.., ~ne per · ' p~rsod. E~ployees of · ··...... ,.A ··········••·· ; ~eij.gibie. PAGE 24 June 22, 1999 CLASSIFIEDS

Classified Advertising I I I I. Club Notices Lost & Found Office Hours 1:-r,~ll :\'1: ~~ is a section for UMBC is a free community service Rates per 30 WORDS Monday through Friday R \\' 1: [ K L '( student clubs to make offered to UMBC students, $6.00 9:00a.m. -5:00p.m. announcements only. facult;-, and staff. (Limit 5 lines) 50¢ EACH BOLDED WORD lf niversity Center 214 Student clubs may have Does not include PERSONALS, I 000 Hilltop Circle five lines free. Each additional line costs $1.50 LOST & FOUND, Classified Display Baltimore. fv1D 21250 Personals CLUB NOTICES, Ads may he placed in may be placed at our offices OR THRIFf SHOP sections. Advertising during regular hours. The cost is person at the ahove See separate rate schedules Rates Per Column Inch: Thrift Shop $1.00 for a four-line ad; for more information. address. mailed in. or additional lines are 25¢ each. is a Retriever Weekly student Under 10 Column Inches faxed in. There is a 50¢ charge $10.30 community service which provides Deadline for personals which are in all ( 4 I 0) 4 55-1 2 60 UMBC students 3 free lines capitals or include bolded lines. All advertisments under of advertising for any textbook or Each personal must be pre-paid Classified ads are due 5:00p.m. $30 must be prepaid item FOR SALE under $50. and filled out Fax: (41 0) 455-1265 · Available to students currently on the Friday preceding the issue. before insertion. enrolled at UMBC only. on a separate form.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• FOR RENT • • Fells Point National Historic District, Bal­ • timore. 3 bedrooms, large yard, base­ ment. Curb parking, gas heat washer/ dryer, range, refrigerator, air conditioner. UM8C Student Media New floor covering. lmmactulately main­ tained $49,900 Owner 41 0-766-0694 THE FOR SALE

For Sale 96 Honda Civic DX $7000 orB/ ETRIEVER 0 PS/PB, Auto, Black w/Biack (41 0) 737- • 1~6 • • WEEKLY •

Thanks to you. all sorts of everyday • products are being made from the lsloolclt1g for "ew staff 1111111ban paper. plastic. metal and glass that you've been recycling. But to keep recycling working to for the followlt~~ poslttOM: help protect the environment. you need to buy those products. *PROPUCTION BUY RECYCLED. *APVERTISINt • *CIRCULATION • *FRONT PESK *JUStNESS *COPV EPITINt .. *PROMOTIONS • f • (systettt support • *fECHNOLOtY at1d web desigt1J • A.ND SAVE; I • • *WRITERS & PJ~ s • So look for and buy products made • I I • from recycled materials. And don't for- • get to celebrate America Recycles Day I We offer great salaries, sut~ttwer etttployttterrt • on November lSth. It would mean the world to us. For a I possibilities, friendly workit1g et1virot1tttettt free brochure. calll-800-CALL-EDF or Visit our web site at www.edf.org opportut1ities for advat1cetttet1t at1d you cat1 start ittttttediately!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••