Compiled by Pat S.P. Fitzgerald, Kelly Fitzgerald and Andy Clark
Much like a pocket phrase book you carry when traveling abroad, one should never attend a Transylvanian Convention without their handy dandy Call Back Guide to get you through. Usually it is considered rude to speak during a movie, but a true RHPS fan knows it considered rude not to speak back to the screen.
In addition, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a universal underground success; and at all screenings you might find a visitor from the Transexual Galaxy sitting next to you. So do not be surprised at the cultural and generational differences evidenced by a cacophony of call backs. Some Call Backs are out-of-date; some are regional, national or even galactic specific. Do not be concerned or put off. Indeed, if yours are different from ours, and if we hear yours and like it, you might just find yours included it in our next guide! So call back proudly!
SCENE/FILM MOMENT CALL BACK
SCI-FI DOUBLE FEATURE (Titles)
… told us where we stand On our heads! … in a celluloid jam Yay! Smuckers! … it came from Where? … outer space Thank you! … tarantula took to the hills Lick it! … used lots of skills Sex kills! … but when worlds collide Clap! (actually CLAP) … I‟m gonna give you Some joints and some pills! … like a X-ray!
WEDDING
… we really did it. Hit him! Hit him back! … gonna throw the bouquet Who‟s got the clap? … wasn‟t it wonderful? … No! … look radiantly beautiful? No! … she was plain ol‟ Betty … Dildo! … she‟s Mrs. Ralph Dipshit! She was better off an hour ago! … a lucky guy No, he‟s not! She‟s got the clap! She‟s the hottest baked potato in Denton. Yay! … wonderful little cook Denton! The home of happiness! What the f*ck‟s a billboard doing in a cemetery?
DAMMIT JANET
… the river was deep And I drowned! … one thing to say and it‟s Crammit Janet, let‟s go screw! … but I ran it Backwards! … one thing to say and it‟s Only assholes write on churches! … Here‟s the ring to prove That I‟m an asshole! … ways that love can go Sex Drugs and Rock & Roll! … that‟s Gay, straight or bi-sexual! … J-A-N-E-T I want a blow! … one thing to say and it‟s Brad, you fag! Fuck you too! … Oh Brad Oh shit! … left to do ah-oo! And that‟s Go see the man who picks his nose! … science exam it, made me Give you the finger and then ram it! … Oh Brad! You fag!
CRIMINOLOGIST – 1 That man has no f*cking neck!
… I would like Oh you WOULD, would you? … If I may You may … to take you Where How strange was it? So strange they made a … on a strange journey movie about it. Not the book, the movie! … Brad Majors Asshole! … Janet Weiss Slut! … dark storm clouds Describe your balls! … toward which they were driving Is it true you‟re also gay? … badly in need of some air So‟s your f*cking neck! … on a night out Come a little bit closer, Chuckie! … they were going to remember For how long … pretty cheap to that type Yay! That type! … that spare tire fixed! Asshole! … in the middle of nowhere What‟s white and sells hamburgers? … I‟m coming with you. That‟ll be a first! … might be a beautiful woman He is. … never come back again You should be so lucky!
FRANKENSTEIN PLACE
… there‟s a light WAVE glow sticks and flashlights around until … Darkness, asshole! … in the darkness … and TURN off your lights
CRIMINOLOGIST – 2
… that their plight required Are you sure?”
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THE CASTLE
… my name‟s Brad Majors Asshole! … fiancé Janet Weiss Slut! … phone we might use? Look between Janet‟s legs!” … you better both Fuck off! I don‟t care where you come as long as you clean it … come inside up! Hey Janet! What‟s one kind plus one kind?” … You‟re too kind She‟s all kinds! … having a party? No, it‟s my sister‟s bat mitzvah! … she‟s lucky, I‟m lucky The banister‟s lucky!
TIME WARP
… but listen closely For how long?” … I‟ve got to Smoke a bowl!” … with voyeuristic intention Where are your tits? … well secluded What do you see? … with a bit of the mind F*ck! … into the time slip! F*ck that bird! … he had a pickup truck And a dick this size!
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
… cold and wet and I‟m just plain scared! That‟s not what you said last night! … look like you‟re both pretty groovy Not! … both in a bit of a hurry Left! … Right Left! … go back to the car We both want to f*ck Tim Curry! … So What? … up to the lab and F*ck me on the slab! … antici … … Say it! Con-sta… … … I‟ll remove Your clothes. And what about Bart and Lisa? … but not The Simpsons!
UNDRESSED
… nice a job to rush Yay! Rush! … right arm for the privilege Or their left tit. … I‟ve seen it! And I don‟t do laundry!
ROCKY‟S CREATION
… accident to make it happen A what? … I hold the secret To life … to life Itself? … ITSELF! … beautiful creature is destined to be F*cked! … the reactor power input Three more joints! The Unconventional Conventionalists’ Call Back Guide Page 3 of 7
SWORD OF DAMOCLES
… is hanging over my head So that‟s what that thing is called! … no way to behave on your first day out Of the closet! …okay? OKAY?!? What do you think of Sarah Palin?
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN Part One
… glisten What‟s your favorite toothpaste? Go! Go! Go! Go! Missed it! Missed it! Now you‟ve got … a little bit of ste-ee-eeam to kiss it! … the smash clean and jerk Off! … in just seven days And seven nights!
HOT PATOOTIE
… happened to Saturday night? It‟s Sunday morning? … with a chick who‟d go. And listen to the Rocky Horror Picture Show!
I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN Part Two
… a bicep What‟d ya have for breakfast? … makes me Boogie with a midget! … Charles Atlas by the Balls!
CRIMINOLOGIST #3:
…life is an illusion So‟s your f*cking neck! …figment of the imagination So‟s your f*cking neck! …quite safe. Like your f*ucking neck! …which grew. Unlike your neck! … to their separate rooms And you make it sound so dirty.
JANET‟S SEDUCTUION
… isn‟t it nice? No, it‟s WEISS. … done with Brad? Nothing yet. I saved the best for last! … isn‟t all bad It isn‟t all Brad, either! … my heart and hope to die Stick a dildo in my eye!
BRAD‟S SEDUCTION
… done with Janet? F*cked the shit out of her! … no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure. There is in New Jersey! … my mother‟s grave. Don‟t talk with your mouth full! … coming! So‟s Brad!
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JANET DISCOVERS ROCKY
… Brad, my darling! Janet, my slut! Easy, but it would‟ve been easier without the … done this to you?! pantyhose. … made this journey But you did! … car hadn‟t broken down But it did! … amongst friends But you‟re not!
CRIMINOLOGIST #4
… excited mental state And you can only read about it, asshole! … that Janet was indeed A slut!
TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME
… feeling done in. And out and in and out and in! … you mean she‟s? Lying? … and seat wetting. (JUMPING UP) “Oh shit! My seat‟s wet!” … I want more. Less! … More. Less! … More. Less! … More. Less! … no resistance, I want to F*ck your pistons! … and rub you down. Up! … Down. Up! … Down. Up! … Down. Up! … small fraction of the main Erection! … give me a friendly hand Take two!
DR. SCOTT ARRIVES
… away for a moment. Doing what?” … Master. “…bating!” … you came here With a dolphin! … I was telling the truth. Assholes don‟t lie! … in the zen room. This place has got roaches! Better smoke „em out! … we meet at last. No, we meet at first. … Eddie happens to be My sister!” … Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! … Brad! Rocky! Bullwinkle! … Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! Bullwinkle! … Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! Bullwinkle! … is to be optional. Toga! Toga!
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ROCKY‟S BIRTHDAY DINNER/EDDIE
… to absent friends. And dead relatives!” Brad gets it. Janet gets it. Dr. Scott gets it. Rocky … another slice anyone? gets it, but he doesn‟t care. … Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! Ugh!” … day he was born Not the night but the day … was trouble Not Monopoly but Trouble … was the thorn Not the rose but the thorn … mother‟s side Not the back but the side … tried in vain Not the artery but the vein … nothing but shame Shame! Shame! Shame! … cheap little punk! Yay! Punk! … in a note that reads What‟s it say? What‟s it say? … out of my head Spelled H- E_ D … may be dead Spelled right? … carry out their evil deed. Love Eddie. … threatened your life with a Ball point pen? … what a guy. What does Santa Claus say? … makes ya cry. What does Fat Albert say?
PLANET SCHMANET JANET
… My veels! I can‟t move my cheeks! My socks! … transport device. You mean? A vibrator … working on for quite some time A working vibrator … means of perfecting it. A perfect vibrator! Holy shit! What a bitch! Quick, Magenta throw the … so named because of the rocks in his head! switch! … return to Transylvania, huh? Vensday, ven else?
CRIMINOLOGIST – 4
… had both tasted Frank‟s cock! … Forbidden fruit. Same thing. … of little morals Yay! Of little morals! … and some persuasion Gay persuasion … would they be subjected to? Shock Treatment! … floor show that is spoken of. Where do you masturbate? … in an empty house. When do you masturbate? … in the middle of the night. The rates are cheaper! … was clear this was to be Can we have a picnic? … No picnic. Oh, shit! And I brought the ants!
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FLOOR SHOW
… I‟m just 7 hours old. And can‟t dance! … what‟s this, let‟s see It‟s your leg! … mind had been expanded. Show us where Frankie landed! … got to get The fuck! … my mind may well snap! Crackle! And pop! … bless Lili St. Cyr. Hey Frank, whose pool is it?
MUTINY/I‟M GOING HOME
… I can explain. This better be good, we killed you last week. … I want to come again. So does Brad! … in my eyes, and I realize I‟m f*cking stoned! … how sentimental. You bitch! … we were returning to Transylvania I was speaking French. … say good bye to all of this. Goodbye all this! … and hello Hello! Hi oblivion. How‟s the wife and kids?
… to oblivion. A blink of the eye, a twitch of the lip, the first one who screams gets it right between the tits! … they didn‟t like me! Get paranoid, Riff! … decision had to be made And I made it! … beam the entire castle to the planet of Where your hair gets a hard on and you come out
Transsexual your ears! … the moon-drenched shores of Gitchiegoomie!
CRIMINLOGIST – 5/ENDING
… on the planet‟s face What‟d you have for breakfast? … some insects. Why‟s your phone bill so high? … Called the human race. Where‟s your fucking neck? … Lost in time What‟s your favorite TV show?” … And lost in space. And what does this movie lack? Don‟t forget to turn off the globe! Talk about global … And meaning. warming!
If you have any serious suggestions for new or updated call backs, please email them to Pat S.P. Fitzgerald, Director … [email protected].
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