Yale College Coarse Critique - Fall 2002 a Yale Record Parody Publication
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Yale College Coarse Critique Fall 2002 A Yale Record Parody Providing Service to Yale for a Quarter-Century Pizza ◆ Pasta Steak ◆ Salads Casseroles ◆ Subs Hot and Cold Platters Gyros ◆ Souvlaki Burgers ◆ Wings Sandwiches Beer ◆ Wine Seafood ◆ Chicken Desserts and more! H OURS SUN-THURS 11AM-1AM FRI-SAT 11AM-2:30AM 288 York Street Located next to New Haven, CT Toad’s Place and 06511 behind Sterling 787-7471 / 787-7472 Memorial Library Yale College Coarse Critique - Fall 2002 A Yale Record Parody Publication Executive Editors Meredith George T. Robert Ioganson Publishers Petra T. Unger Charles U. Bacharach Contributing Editors Laetitia Dale Constantia Durham Lucy Darleton Mountstuart Jenkinson Roger DeCoverley Crossjay Patterne Horace DeCraye Vernon Whitford Associates Aran Ben-Ashiz Lisa Tenenbirth Warren Berstein Thaz S. Wailen Ethel Birza Rita N. Warbets Eli T. Lewis Ben Zirbel Elizabeth Stern-Warner Page 1 Yale Coarse Critique Fall 2002 Do you like humor? Or, professional, sophisticated Project Editor: magazines that offer great experience? Or, if you’re some sort of superhuman creature, a happy marriage of both? Mollie Wilson ’03 The Yale Record, America’s Oldest College Humor Magazine, is the slickest magazine on campus and offers a Additional Editing: wide range of opportunities for interested freshmen. We are seeking writers, editors, artists, designers, and business and marketing staffers. All are welcome. Please come to Jules Lipoff ’03 our organizational meetings in September, and visit our web site at http://www.yale.edu/record for more Contributors: information. Aryeh Cohen-Wade ’05 Anthony DiFranco ’05 Tho Dinh ’05 All contents copyright 2002, Yale Record. All rights Tyler Golson ’04 reserved. No material may be reprinted in part or in whole, Benjamin Gross ’03 electronically or otherwise, without the written consent of Tim Kleiman ’04 the Yale Record. Any resemblance to actual persons, living Gabriel Kuris ’03 or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, without satiric intent, is entirely coincidental. The Yale Record is Jules Lipoff ’03 an undergraduate publication registered with the Yale David Reiman ’05 College Dean’s Office. This parody is published by Yale Lee Tyler ’03 College students, and Yale University is not responsible Stephen Vider ’03 for its contents. Students, Yale alumni, or civilians Jenn Watson ’03 interested in getting involved or finding out more about Mollie Wilson ’03 the magazine’s activities are encouraged to contact the staff. Visit our website, http://www.yale.edu/record, e-mail Cover: [email protected], or write to The Yale Record, P.O. Box 204732, New Haven, CT 06520. Jenn Watson ’03 Page 2 Fall 2002 Yale Coarse Critique Terminology Letter from the editors CR/D/F — This indicates that Welcome, freshmen, and welcome back, a course is eligible to be returning Yale students! We hope you thoroughly taken Credit/D/Fail, which means that any grade higher enjoyed your broadening European trip or your than a D will appear as rewarding internship in an exciting city, while the “Credit” on your transcript. dedicated journalists among us sifted through piles This option allows Yale to of course evaluations all summer long. All good boast that it encourages academic curiosity in things must end, however, and we are once again students; however, you will entering that exciting time of year known as notice that very few courses Shopping Period. Do not let the frivolous name fool are actually available CR/D/ you; choosing classes is a serious, life-determining F. This is to prevent students from actually exercising this business, and one false move could ruin your option, which would give the carefully-planned double major, destroying your damaging impression that plans for graduate school and bringing shame upon Yalies value educational experience over grades. your family. Courses with multiple titles Lucky for you, Yale students, we at the Coarse — A slash in a course listing Critique are here to help. Within these pages you indicates that the course is being offered for credit in two will find reviews of many courses, lovingly or more departments, and assembled by our editorial staff from the responses warns students to prepare you submitted. Remember, at the end of last accordingly. For example, in semester, when your professors asked you to fill out a course listed as ENGL 189a / LITR 423a, roughly half of an evaluation for the Coarse Critique? Or perhaps the students will be English you were too busy worrying about your approaching majors who think Lit is only final to bother with the evaluation. Perhaps you for those who couldn’t handle turned in your forms virtually blank, or responded English, and the other half will be Lit majors who think “bite me” to every question. If so, then this Critique, English is only for students with its glaring faults and inaccuracies, is precisely who couldn’t cut it in Lit. what you deserve. Think about that before you complain that we left out your major, or did not Surv. — Seminars designated as part of Yale’s experimental review any courses you are actually considering new “Survivor” program will taking this semester. We had to work with what you be conducted in the same gave us. Show us a copy of your Critique. basic manner as regular seminars, with the added stipulation that, after two weeks, students will be given Sincerely, the opportunity to “vote out” one classmate (possibly more, in the case of a tie, and with the instructor’s permission). Yale College hopes that this Mollie Wilson & Jules Lipoff new program will solve the perennial problem of seminars being ruined for everyone by that one moron who never shuts up. Editors Page 3 Table of Contents Yale Coarse Critique Table of Contents Accounting.................................5 French...........................................11 American Studies........................5 History..........................................12 Anthropology...............................5 History of Art..............................13 Applied Mathematics..................5 History of Science, History of Medicine................14 Astronomy........................................6 Humanities.................................14 Biology..........................................6 Mathematics..............................15 British Studies.............................7 Philosophy......................................15 Bulldog Studies...........................7 Piratical Studies.......................15 Child Study Center......................7 Psychology....................................16 Classical Civilization.................8 Renaissance Studies..................16 Computer Science...........................8 Economics........................................8 Sociology....................................17 English..............................................9 Theater Studies..............................17 Film Studies.....................................11 Women’s and Gender Studies.........18 Highest-Rated Lowest-Rated . Courses Courses 1. CHNS 153, Advanced Modern Chinese for 1. PHYS 465a, Physics for Physicists. Advanced Learners. 2. CHNS 133, Intermediate Modern Chinese 2. ENGL 126a, The American Heritage for Advanced Learners. Dictionary, Aardvark-Kwanzaa. 3. CHNS 161, Literary Chinese through 3. ACCT 185a, Golf. Modern Chinese. 4. HIST 112a / AMST 190a, The Formation of 4. JDST 310a, Call your Mother! Modern American Culture (FORMAC). 5. CHNS 162, Intermediate Literary Chinese: 5. E&EB 235a, Invertebrates Found in Yale Old Chinese Prose and Poetry. Dining Halls. Page 4 Fall 2002 Accounting - Applied Mathematics and at least one observed that the “excavation” they were directed to undertake resulted in a Accounting “suspiciously swimming pool-sized hole.” A ACCT 401a sophomore wrote, “I didn’t realize that The $150,000 Mistake of a Yale archaeology involved planting and pruning shrubbery, but Professor Tartaron insisted we Education were learning vital research methods.” A Instructor: Irving Banks disgruntled major ended his comments by According to Prof. Banks’s syllabus, this saying, “I’ll be taking Lab II in the spring, but disillusioning lecture course is designed to help what kind of analysis could we possibly do? students understand that their “rich parents The only ‘artifacts’ we excavated were rusty wasted $150,000 on a Yale education, because gardening tools and a dog chew.” the potential profit of $150,000 invested in a diversified stock portfolio for four years is much greater.” Students were considerably Applied shaken by the news. A senior commented, “Professor Banks is totally right. Even if I land a high-paying job, the money I earn will never Mathematics equal what the stocks would have returned had AMTH 120a I invested it instead. Plus, if had just invested the money, I wouldn’t have had to do any Making Picks for NCAA actual work.” Another depressed student wrote Basketball Tournament Pools simply, “I’m worthless… utterly, utterly Instructor: Edward Kaplan worthless.” Most of Prof. Banks’s sadder-but-wiser When Yale School of Management students still plan to pursue careers in professor Edward Kaplan created a statistical accounting or banking, though some have modeling program to fill out NCAA March reconsidered their long-term plans. “You won’t Madness brackets, he knew he had stumbled find me sending my kids to a pricey college,” onto something special: a new math class that one junior declared. “I’m not about to make would be stimulating both academically and the same mistake