A WILFRID LAURIER UNIVERSITY STUDENT PUBUCATION

CORD S SEPTEMBER 17 1992 THEVOLUME XXXIII ISSUE WLU security gets tough SHELDON PAGE Some people walk around and towing regulations," said Jorg. The Cord keep their thumbs in the bottles." "We have to keep the fire routes Baal said that there can be no open, some of the fire vehicles Laurier Security is cracking bias towards students when en- are very long." down on alcohol and parking forcing the Liquor Act. Students using Laurier's park- violations this year. The Turret "The situation can get out of ing lots tend not to be aware that and the traditional Business hand, many non-university people parking is prohibited in all but tutorial line-ups are to be strict- are attracted to the campus. They one lot [13a at the North end of ly regulated. can't get into the bars [on the Seminary] from 2:00 am to Security is taking a zero campus] so they want to party 6:00 am. The parking ban is in ef- tolerance approach to liquor of- outside. We cannot enforce the fect to allow safe snow removal fences. "Students are trying to use liquor laws in a biased manner." in the winter. Jorg stressed that the campus as their own back- Frosh Week this year saw a after hours vehicles will be yard," said Laurier's security sharp decrease in the number of towed. chief John Baal. "It jeopardizes liquor offences. "Frosh Week liq- Today marks the first Turret university's liquor licence." uor charges are down from the the night of the year. Opening night Fines for alcohol related of- previous two years," said Jorg. "It at the Turret traditionally is fences are not to be taken lightly. is one third of the last two years. marked by long line-ups and in- "As of last October the fines have There were nine charges this year ebriated patrons. Security is up doubled," said security officer [during Frosh Week], 37 last for the challenge. Peter Jorg. "The fine for having year, and 45 for the year before." $103.75." will also be "The first Thursday and Fri- open alcohol is Parking policy Security chief John Baai. Photo: Sheldon Page "We have no choice but to en- strictly enforced this year. "Park- day of the year we have extra force the Liquor Act to the letter," ing is at a premium this year," staff to control the line-ups," said planning to line-up for Business "Line-ups will not be allowed to said Baal. "We have orders to en- said Jorg." Jorg. "The line-up starts down the tutorials this year. Campouts and form before 6:00 am in the morn- force zero tolerance." "During the 80's we thought Student Union Building stairs, overnight line-ups in the Turret ing." Jorg said that students do not usage would decrease," said Baal. outside the building, and down by stairwell have become a thing of "There is no point in bringing seem to know the definition of an "The lots are fully utilized, don't Mac House. We will control it as the past. a sleeping bag at 8:00 pm. The in open container of alcohol. "If the chance it [getting towed away]." we have in the past." "We will not allow line-ups students will be advised of this seal has been broken, it is open. "We will be enforcing the There is bad news for anyone inside the building," said Baal. their classes." Dean of Social Hawks kick ass Work passes away Dr.Shankar Yelaja, Dean of the Faculty of Social Work, passed away on Monday, September 14 at the age of 56. In a letter to the Laurier community, WLU president Dr. Lorna Marsden, expressed the sense of loss the community feels for Dr. Yelaja. Dr.Yelaja had been at Laurier since 1967 and became a full professor in 1971. He was appointed dean in 1984. Outside of the university, Dr.Yelaja served on the board of direc- tors of the Canadian Association of Schools of Social Work, and also on the advisory council of Inter-Racial and Cross-Cultural Conflict Resolution Program at Conrad Grebel College. Dr.Yelaja was editor or co-editor of 5 books, as well as serving for six years as co-editor of the Canadian Social Work Review. At press time funeral arrangements as well as the official cause of death was unknown.

Lancers don't fly, Hawks do. see story page 13 Photo by: Etia DiLiso on Dr. Shankar Yelaja. Photo: Institutional Relations THE CORD 2 Advertisement 11■—M. I|KW>|> 17, KM

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: NIELSEN News: ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR 1NGRID NEWS EDITOR SHELDON PAGE Laurier audit SHELDON PAGE versity and all groups were made The study has not made any The Cord aware that this [the audit] was a concrete findings into what major priority." aspects of the university structure One of Jim Wilgar's The transition proposals were might be altered. "Philosophically responsibilities as the newly submitted, but provisions have we need to look at some of the designated Associate VP: In- been made to undertake the audit, functional activities of the univer- stitutional Projects is to chair with or without government fund- sity to see in fact there can be the president's special com- ing. "We were of course hopeful more appropriate arrangements," mittee on human resource de- of receiving government funding said Wilgar. velopment and redeployment. but irrespective of whether we "We need to look very care- "The reduction of government did or not the Board [of fully at some of the staffing com- grants was a key issue [of the Governors] enforced its budget- pliments and that we are using committee]," said Wilgar. "Cut- ing in its budget approval the ex- part time dollars appropriately. backs of government grants to penditure by the university of the These are some of the activities one percent last year and two per- dollars to undertake such a that the university will be un- cent presumably this year and the study." dertaken in as efficient manner following year." Dr. Marsden after she took of- but in a different time frame. "The minister [of Colleges fice on August 1 furthered the Does everybody have to be here Jim Wilgar. Photo: Institutional Relations —— and Universities] laid out the con- university's effort of accoun- eight hours a day?" i cerns that the government had tability across a broad area. The current hiring freeze will sociation, and Rick Hook of the think beyond their own immedi- and to announce the fact that Budget rationalization, asset man- also be examined by the study. Canadian Union of Public Em- ate job. TTiey have to be construc- honest." there were going to be steps taken agement, staff structures, and op- "Should we be continuing the ployees. tive and be to arrive at greater levels of ac- erational efficiencies of various hiring freeze? Can we have a The next stage in the study in- The study will have to run on "All countability." units within the university are more effective redeployment of volves functional units which a tight time frame. of that is consuming. But we Universities in Ontario have some of the aspects that are being staff instead of hiring external- represent all the components of very time been asked to send submissions studied. ly?" the university. "Obviously con- don't have a lot of time. The ac- are very to the government in order to "Clearly with that [the objec- The Human Resource Devel- tact will be made with those func- tions of the committee and intensive." receive transition funding. "They tives of the study] as a publicly opment and Redeployment study tional units to identify assist focussed and fairly were limited to seven items stated objective, Dr. Marsden team is required to complete a them in terms of the issues that I Some of the team's reports each," said Wilgar. "This needed that to be done, and I was report in the second week of De- have spoken of," said Wilgar. will be public knowledge, but due permitted various sectors of the asked to do it," said Wilgar. cember. "The Study team has Wilgar said that a new way of to the confidential staff and thinking might university to sit down and think The study, due to it's scope been finalized," said Wilgar. "Its be necessary for budgeting issues that will arise study to successful. "This meetings place in terms of how savings were to made it necessary for Wilgar to membership or structure has been the be these will take in be undertaken." make it a full time occupation. finalized." is an evolutionary thing. It is on a camera. The major item in Laurier's "It was determined that it was The study team consists of very tight time line. There is a The study team's findings are submission which was made in to be a full time focus and believe representatives of all employee great deal of collective under- not final. The team's mandate is the spring of this past year, was a me it is. People need to develop sectors of the university. Mem- standing that's going to be neces- to make recommendations to the university audit. "The details of an understanding of what is hap- bers include Student's Union sary. People will have to perhaps president. "They will be making the audit were discussed with var- pening, there needs to be a great president Christina Craft, Prof. think in ways that they have not recommendations to the senior ious employee groups in the uni- deal of policy development." Arnold Frenzel of the Faculty As- thought before. They have to administration," said Wilgar. $25,000 to Seagram PHILL M KINZINGER Affairs and Development. Petis losophy of giving back to the The Cord remains undaunted though saying community what it has given economics have been challenging them. "A large part of our clients Efforts to attract corporate and it is a very competitive world are students...the stadium will donations for renovations to the for sponsors. also be serving the community" newly acquired Seagram Petis said the half million is so the large donation is well Stadium have led to a $25,000 definitely a good start and that justified. pledge from McDonald's of they are "about on schedule". The Topp said the gift was uncon- Canada. total plan which includes artificial ditional but that together they It is the largest contribution of turf and an all-weather track calls were looking at other ways in the campaigns initial phase, for a sum of three million dollars. which they could help each other which has so far raised $505,000. They intend on a second push to in the future. There have been other corpo- corporations this fall. President Marsden said the rate sponsors including Duracell. The University has also applied university is "gratified" to have There are many other companies for a grant from the Ministry of McDonald's backing. They were who are currently considering Tourism and Recreation. They unable to officially present the donations but are as yet un- have passed the first review and cheque this Tuesday to Marsden, committed. are eligible for $650,000. therefore the cheque will hopeful- "We've had some no's", said McDonald's area supervisor ly be presented at halftime during Wow! Another Seagram photo. Don Petis, Director of Alumni Photo: Rambo i Jerry Topp said they have a phi- the Homecoming game. Newsgroups are banned JIM BOYCE The Cord output to Don Baker, Vice- Langford. Weir told the Cord cided not to table the issue until would fall into the category of not President: Academic. that, "in my opinion, and in the the student representatives, one censoring the newsgroups." At least seven newsgroups The output was obtained from opinions of others, the material grad and one undergrad, were The newsgroups banned at remain banned at Laurier until the "alt.sex" newsgroups which was offensive." elected to the Committee. She Laurier have reached a similar the Senate Committee on Com- deal with topics ranging from Although Weir and Baker had also said that the meetings would fate elsewhere in Canada with the puting can meet and discuss bondage and bestiality to in- hoped the Senate Committee on be open to the university popula- University of Manitoba and their controversial content. formation on sexual diseases and Computing could have dealt with tion although those attending are Simon Fraser University among The newsgroups, which can general questions about sex. the issue before the start of fall normally not allowed to address those opting to ban them. be understood as computerized John Weir, who was president, classes, this has not happened. the Committee. The University of Waterloo, bulletin boards, were banned in of WLU at the time, made the de- Nora Znotinas, who became As for her personal opinion of which banned and reinstated them late June and early July after Hart cision to ban the newsgroups chair of the Committee in August, the newsgroups, Znotinas says two years ago, has decided to Bezner, Director of Computing after a meeting with Baker and says the hearings will be delayed they are difficult to police and maintain access to the alt.sex Services, took some computer Systems Administrator Carl until October. She says she de- that, "I'm one of the people who hierarchy. THE CORD News 11, 4 Tkmrnkm UftM+m IMS Special needs JULIE JOHNSTON one in the Paul Martin Centre have been renovated The Cord for greater wheelchair accessibility. Over the last two years the number of people The Special Needs Office of Laurier provides a using the Special Needs Service has increased from valuable service to students of the university. approximately 23 in March 1990, to 115 in Septem- The service is provided so that students with dis- ber 1992. abilities can function equally with other students The Special Needs Service receives total fund- at the university. ing from the Ministry of Colleges and Universities. Judy Bruyn, coordinator of the Special Needs Laurier Physical Plant and Planning, however, Office, described it as "the hub of a wheel, where funded the expansion of the office into the Con- students can either be helped or directed to the right course. areas for help." Funding for the Centre from the Ministry in- The office has made several changes around creased one percent last year and is far from being campus this year. The actual office has been ex- proportionally correct considering the number of panded into the Concourse so there is more room to students involved with the Centre. dedl with the growing number of students involved The Special Needs Office can be found in the in the program. Concourse across from the Bookstore. The centre is Judy Bruyn is always ready to Photo: Sheldon Page The doors to the dining hall have been widened run by Bruyn, her assistant Susan Ginn, and student help you out. and automated for greater accessibility. One volunteers. They can be reached at ext. 2043 or ext. washroom in the Central Teaching Building and 2086. There is iso a TDD line at 884-1141.

THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY i ■ p iiß 2:30 10:00 am. Church 10.00 am-Cord pm-Cord m Lecture: Canada in the - Music at Noon in i IP " feedback booth in the general meeting in service at the Global Marketplace. featurinq the Penderecki 5:30 pm News writers meeting in Concourse. We want the Turret. This will Seminary. Hugh Munro at Strinq Quartet Aird the Cord your comments. be an information Kitchener Library. Ontrp rpritai hall offices. Come in and the session for all news team will give you interested volunteers. a story. Meet the editors and find out just how fun being a Cordie really is.

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Board of Governors (the The September 7 highest governing body here at Laurier) met for the first time FROSH WEEK OPENING DAY: The first day of "Orientation 92" place this academic year on Satur- was an untroubled affair. Main activities took in the AC and day. closed at midnight. Alcohol was not served. The event included a welcom- Security chief John Baal conducted residence fire safety seminars. ing dinner on Friday night and an orientation tour of the campus. September 8 met for a On Saturday the board CROWD CONTROL: (1900 to 0200 hrs) During the above time in- concluding conference all day terval several students consuming liquor while waiting for bus trans- with the meeting at 3:00. portation to a local pub were charged with liquor offenses. The board has gone through substantial change from last year. September 9 Lorna Marsden and some rep- Dr. CONTROL: Three rock bands performing on campus at- resentatives from both the com- CROWD a sizable number of non-university affiliated persons to the munity and the faculty were at- tracted Several liquor charges were laid. Several citizens tending their first meeting. As campus grounds. living within close proximity of the campus complained about their well, some board members have The BOG meeting seems pretty boring. Photo: Steve Doak being vandalized during the early morning hours. The matter acquired new positions, such as property investigation. David Pady, the new chair of the skills of staff and faculty and on The Ontario government an- is presently under board, Betty Sims, the new vice- managing Laurier's finances and nounced it would provide a grant (2300 hrs) A student was evicted from a chair, and others. fund-raising procedures. to Laurier that will pay for most DISTURBANCE: WLU Education complex. The subject became Most of the meeting consisted A new newspaper, called the of the cost of the new building dance held in the Physical refused to dance with Due to of the report of Dr. Marsden as "Laurier News", was introduced which should be completed for aggressive when another student him. condition no charge was laid. the new president of Laurier. She as a replacement for the Laureate. the 1994-95 year. his inebriated stated her first priority was to As well, the board voted on and The Board of Governors will 11 strengthen academic aspects of chose Shore Tilbe Irwin & Part- meet six times this academic September Laurier. Due to the current eco- ners as the architectural firm that year. It includes members from CROWD CONTROL: (2000) A large group of students waiting in lot nomic conditions, she will also will design the new science build- the community, the administra- #3 for Bus transportation to LuLu's bar were becoming somewhat un- concentrate on developing the ing. tion, the faculty, and the students. ruly and security was called to assist the Ice Breakers with the line- up. Several persons were charged under the Liquor Act. The last bus returned from LuLu's at three o'clock in the morning.

M.V.A.: (2145) An accident on Lodge Street caused a parked vehicle to travel 150 meters across Regina Street and into the embankment at the West corner of 202 Regina Street hitting the south-west corner of I Dick is dead. I the building. DISTURBANCE: (0230) Call from a Don of Bricker Residence reporting that several males outside the main entrance were banging I Or at least Mr. Nixon is in San Clemente. I at the door and shouting. As security approached a white Mustang I Watergate may have come and gone, but I with several passengers sped away from the scene. controversy, and news, will always be around. I IMPAIRED DRIVER: (0315) The driver of a white Mustang was I charged with impaired driving. Waterloo Regional Police were called I Get in on the action, and write Cord News. I to stop the vehicle which was speeding around the perimeter of the I You may even bring down another I campus. Call and ask September 12 I Republican president. 884-2990 I CROWD, LIQUOR & CONTROL: (1230) Implemented security ar- for Sheldon or I rangement for the football game at Laurier vs Windsor at the I Ingrid. Seagram Stadium. The spectators were most orderly and only one liq- uor charge was laid. There was a post game bar set-up in the gym which was sparsely attended. Security remained on the scene until the bar closed at 6:3opm. 1 " ■ I Need Child Care? The YMCA of Kitchener-Waterloo in conjunction with Wilfrid Laurier University is offering child care services to the Laurier Community. The Iona YMCA Child Care Centre The Waterloo YMCA Child Care Centre 250 Lincoln Road, Waterloo offers N - 145 Lincoln Road, Waterloo offers care for children 2-1/2 to 5 years care f°r children 3 months to at /'a. aBm 3-1/2 years of age. Contact

746-7264 or 885-3500. 'A " Barb at 885 3508 -

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IP Ifll 111 Tickets $8.00 Advance WINE TOUfl '92 8^6h THE tysudcuf $fy Srakhf feistd Special 112AcMdiioHal $4- apte/i SpsnJ / $8 at the, 3>o&b COLIN sir JAMES 112 V FRIDAY OCTOBER 2nd / I TICKETS $8 In Advance DOUG ANDTHESUJGS^®^ Friday November 6th cord the **** nm**, 17> News 7 Cord survey results in

BRETHOUR agreed with the statement that For News, the figure was 67 Entertainment scored a 59 per in April. The students were ran- PAT domly The The Cord The Cord was interesting. Only per cent. Fifty-three per cent of cent approval rating, while Fea- selected from Cord four per cent of those surveyed students liked or strongly liked tures, and Classified rated 64 per Guide and asked their opinions cent and 60 per cent respectively. about The Cord, Wilfrid Laurier The Cord necessary on disagreed or strongly disagreed the Sports section, while only 31 Is One hundred Laurier students University's official student campus? Does the paper with the statement. per cent of students felt the same were surveyed about The Cord newspaper. represent the interests of stu- The statement: "The Cord way about the Business section. dents? What do students read represents the interests of stu- (or not read) in their campus dents." The response: 64 per cent newspaper? agreed or strongly agreed, while Laurier security has plans Those are just some of the 13 per cent disagreed, or strongly questions 100 Laurier students disagreed. were asked in an April survey, Comment was the most wide- for the new school year by The Cord. ly read section of the paper, with conducted A bicycle identification Ninety-two per cent of those a 75 per cent readership rate. The SHELDON PAGE budgetary constraints they have pro- The gram being planned surveyed agreed, or strongly News section followed at 63 per Cord been limited to two. One will go is for late this up at Seagram Stadium." month. Security officer Peter Jorg agreed, with the statement "The cent, with Sports at 60 per cent, recovering A Foot Patrol program has will be co-ordinating the pro- Cord is entertaining". Sixty-eight Entertainment at 56 per cent, Laurier security is been set up and is running at par- gram. per cent of students agreed with Classified at 52 per cent, and Fea- from the excitement of Frosh and several new pro- tial capacity. "The service is "We will set a date will the statement "The Cord gives tures at 50 per cent. The Business Week has and the new being implemented by the Stu- set up a table outside me important information I section only scored a 38 per cent grams for school year. below the Union," said Baal. "We security office," Jorg. need". readership rate. dents' said "You - phones, a walk supplied can your When asked if The Cord was Readership's one thing but Emergency them with the radios and take bike and have it a the to engraved. necessary on campus, eighty per do students rate the various sec- home program are in effect and we have ability monitor the electronically You can engrave anything, not just cent of students agreed, or strong- tions of their campus newspaper? bicycle identification program is calls." bikes." not presently ly agreed. Seventy-eight per cent of Laurier in the works. "The service is The date of the program will Sixty-six per cent of Laurier students surveyed strongly liked, Presently there are two emer- in full operation. You can call the be advertised in the Cord. Baal hopes students agreed or strongly or liked, the Comment section. gency phones on campus. "We number if you feel apprehensive that the program will aid in plan to erect more," said security about walking from point A to identifying missing bikes and chief John Baal. "Due to point B. You will be escorted." avoid cases of mistaken identity. Tour the world of wine and spirits at The Seagram Museum. Eye for an eye INGRID NIELSEN wonder why I'm offended at the use of the word News Commentary "feminism". I realize men will be invited to the speeches Recently, I've been informed that men will not after the march, and I think this is excellent. But be invited to walk in protest at this year's "Take honestly, if I were a man, I would not attend half of the Night", a demonstration to show anger at the a protest wherein the other half I was banned from escalating violence against women. Sorry guys, attending due to my sex. I don't like to think of is- apparently we don't need your support. sues as women's issues or men's issues or gay is- |jij^ I'm sorry if I sound facetious, but lately I'm just sues. To me, they are human issues and each inci- downright fed up with trying to defend the dent of discrimination morally offends me, and I'll "Under New Ownership" women's movement for equality, an issue which I let that be known-regardless of my sex, race, reli- Come and see our large selection of take very seriously, and at the same time trying to gion or any other factors which I happen to possess. Seagram Branded Products. Cool "Cooler" make sense of these constant barriers which femi- As Gloria Steinem recently wrote, "Open your T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Caps, Souvenirs, nism has seemed to become synonymous with. mind so your ass can follow." rj Posters, Books, Glassware, Bar, Wine and Wouldn't it show the greatest victory of all if I attended last year's "Take Back the Night", Spirit related items, as well as Corporate both men and women joined together in protest and I left feeling strong and invigorated, completely and Doesn't in- in I and Custom Gittware Packages. against women's inequality abuse? optimistic that equality is sight. truly thank the cluding men in our protests, and I mean all of our organizers for those priceless and often rare feel- A Unique protests, better enable them to understand our plight ings. I don't mean to mitigate their spirit or ambi- Shopping 5? ERB STREET WEST WATERLOO. ONTARIO N2L 6C2 (519) 747-2512 instead of continuing the wall of ignorance and tion, but as I see more and more cruelty and Experience Directly behind Waterloo Town Square blindness? prejudice and hurt inflicted everyday, I only wish Is feminism only concerned with uniting we could fight the problems instead of fighting women instead of uniting people? And people each other.

THE CITY OF Waterloo THANK YOU TO THE ORIENTATION COMMITTEES AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO AND WILFRID LAURIER UNIVERSITY Your committees have done a fabulous job of providing and promoting ALCOHOL FREE EVENTS

Initiatives like these decrease the chances of excesssive noise, damage to property, accidents and underage drinking. You are to be commended and the City of Waterloo Thanks you! TO: ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS FROM: THE CITY OF WATERLOO DATE: ALL YEAR RE: LIVING IN THE WATERLOO COMMUNITY The City of Waterloo and our community welcome you to Waterloo! Living away from home can be an exciting experience. A new community means new friends, new places to go and no parental supervision! No supervision sometimes leads to: LOUD PARTIES, PARKING ON LAWNS AND BOULEVARDS, and A BUILD-UP OF GARBAGE AND JUNK WHERE IT DOESNT BELONG

The City has by-laws which regulate or prohibit these matter and they are enforced on a consistent basis. As you may be new to our community, we want you to be aware of these by-laws before you find yourself in conflict with your new community. You have chosen our universities because they are well respected and they chose you because you have a lot to offer. It is your responsibility to keep your university and our city proud of its students. 8 THE CORD News 17, nn+H int WORLD NEWS ROUNDUP NAC opposes bad deal for Saturday. It brought 320 sacks of women cornmeal from Nairobi for 25,000 starving people. (Toronto) The National Action Bardera, formerly a tobacco- Committee on the Status of growing town, is now a desert Women will push for a "No" vote wasteland. People are dying of in the October 26 referendum. hunger every day. The committee stated this Thousands of people are week that the constitutional ac- being saved by international aid, cord could harm women's rights but the food is often too little and and national social programs. the wrong thing. The committee's decision was ■#* SHOW US YOUR STUDENT I.D. CARD AND GET made after a unamimous vote this Clinton Under Attack weekend in Toronto. (Washington) Republicans are India faced with population ex- focussing the presidential $ plosion campaign on Governor Bill Clinton's draft record. Despite (New Delhi) India has been un- being eligible for the draft during 2.00 population OFF able to slow its rate of the Viet Nam war, he did not en- I growth. ter the armed forces. He is ac- W ANY OF HOT Methods reduce the THIS! RELEASES 1 to growth cused of betraying Americans' 1 rate such as sterilization have trust. failed. By contrast, President George India is adding to the world's Bush volunteered for the army population more than any other and served as a torpedo bomber country. The Population crisis pilot during World War 11. committee reports that India is Clinton's draft record has February. accounting for one in every five been questioned since B HELMET i SKYDIGGERS SOUP DRAGONS births. He retains a substantial lead in the polls. v Shining Path leader captured ■ Mind-boggling arrangements, mixed Digging down deep into your soul, the Scottish hitmakers, The Soup Dragons Suzanne Vega's flirtatious approach to with acoustic and electric of C K' seething vocals give you the passion the are alive and kicking, bringing killer popified folk on 99.9F can only be Summit in South Africa W unleashed, of Helmet, is (Lima) Abimael Guzman furious rantings Skydiggers truly inspirational. guitar riffs back to the dance floor! described as steaming HOT! Reynoso and seven other leaders (Cape Town) President of the Shining Path were captured F.W.deKlerk and ANC leader by Peruvian the government on Nelson Mandela have agreed to the weekend. Guzman will face a meet in the first summit confer- military court within a month. ence between the two parties The Shining Path is a Com- since the massacre in of 43 blacks LESLIE SPIT TREEO SHAKESPEARS SISTER SONIC YOUTH munist, terrorist group with ' ap- Boipatong shanty town on June Book of proximately 50,000 Hormonally Yours Dirty Mondo Bizarro members. It 17. Last Monday 28 ANC Rejection has engaged in armed rebellion demonstrators were killed by the A bright light in the realm of folksy, Danceable and deep, thisfemale duo's Alternatively speaking, there's no alter- What do you get when you put some against Peruvian government urban soul, the Leslie Spit Treeo shines poetic pop is out of the and native the Sonic the army in the Ciskei homeland. ordinary... to Youth experience. twisted rockers on tour for 18 years? for twelve through on Book of Rejection. that's exactly where they want to be. An excellent album. A great collection of classic tunes. years. ANC leaders say the summit In a television broadcast, will not occur until 400 political Guzman said "I guess it's my turn prisoners have been released. to lose." A United Nations team of ob- servers fifty countries in- Famine in Somali from cluding Canada has been sent to South Africa to observe and aid (Bardera) The first airlift to TOM WAITS MATTHEW SWEET MIKE OLDFIELD | LENIN & McCARTHY ■ Somali from Canada landed on the restoration of the peace. '||1 jjj bhj 'v..•>•> - .v.-..-".-. fl

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Wed. Sept. 23/92,9:30 - 3:00 in the Athletic Complex 10 News THE CORD Major renovations in Wilf's, the Turret

JOHN McHUTCHION donald, WLUSU Vice-President dents into campus bars will The Cord of Student Activities, said plans remain largely unchanged from are in the works to add a new last year. Students planning to pay a visit series of live music nights in The The policy presently states to The Turret this weekend will Turret on Wednesdays. that those students under 19 may be able to enjoy a new Live acts are tentatively be admitted into The Turret on beverage, as draught beer will scheduled to be featured on three Saturday nights and during some now available. out of four Wednesdays per live entertainment nights. Addi- The draught system was in- month. Two of those nights will tionally, underage students will stalled this past summer, at a cost be devoted to local or "up-and- be permitted in Wilf's until six of approximately $5000. coming" bands, such as members p.m. Wilf's has also undergone of the Laurier Musicians Students' Union president some major renovations over the Network. Christina Craft did note that there summer. Tim Hranka, Students' The other nights will feature a was a possibility that this time Union Business Manager, said larger band that is "on the verge" may be extended. The policy is that these improvements include of breaking through, such as presently dependent on Lounge new flooring and carpeting, new Moxy Fruvous. The headliner to supervisor Dan Dawson and his cash registers, and a permanent the concert series will be one staff. stage. large, successful band per term. "We don't want to dis- An unseen addition to the The schedule of acts is yet to criminate [against underage facilities at Wilf's is a new ex- be finalized, so look for con- students], but it will hurt if they haust system, designed to handle firmation in future editions of the abuse it," said Craft. "We fought the problem of cigarette smoke. Cord. for several years to get the policy If you thirst for live entertain- The Students' Union's policy changed." Draught at the Turret... File Photo ment on campus, Brad Mac- on the admission of underage stu- Few errors with OSAP CATHY JO NOBLE Although there are a number releasing of the applications is weeks. large decrease. Delion said she The Cord of factors which can account for running smoothly with no major Laurier's office has one of the has seen no cut backs in the the increase, Delion stated that glitches," said Delion. She credits lowest error rates for processing amount of money available and is This year is no exception when "the lack of summer opportunity the successful organization to her the OSAP applications. Delion not sure why the government it comes to the large number of can be credited for a large portion staff who she feels "worked ex- says the processing is going claimed there would be. students applying for OSAP of the increase." She also believes traordinarily hard to keep the ap- "faster and cleaner" this year. She students grants and loans. that other factors such as in- said that it is too early to make a Delion said that plications moving." should prepare themselves for Laurier's Director of Student creased tuition and unstable the number of conclusions about the The Laurier office and some major changes in the entire Awards, Pauline Delion said the employment for many student's ministry are turning applica- processing at this point. the system and philosophy of OSAP number of applications are up by parents have also had an role in a con- Earlier this year the provincial tions through at quick rate which will be in place by Septem- approximately 15 percent at the increase. the increase applica- government stated that the sidering in ber of 1993. No details have been in Ontario the ap- Even with the increase in ap- expected processing amount of money available for Laurier and tions. The released at this point. plications are up by 20,000. plications, "the processing and time this year is six to eight student assistance would face a CAREER FAIR: n. ka rir far Event attended by employers ■ ■ and students for the purpose I I of sharing information. ■ I Fall fair with booths where I zS>i IF%FPI3F% I people can take aim at jobs I (C* D) pn D) I (instead of wooden ducks!) I J Jza I Opportunity to "network" I I representatives. I I I TWO GREAT LOCATIONS! I A "fTn lof cpp" i-n AP I '

■ • f~ 1 - I 29 KING STREET (BY MARKET SQUARE) KITCHENER 749-1978 Wednesday, September 20, ■ 140 university avenue west (BY hmv)-WATERLOO -725-1934

9:30 am to 3:00 pm I v I '< A BUCK ] Please Note: I TWENTY-FIVE I ! A In order to accommodate I p p OFF ANY SANDWICH I employers attending Career Fair, a lif AND A VI portion of parking lot 3 will be I A BEVERAGE ■ I 9:30 3m on I 1 closed until ! (p op coffee tea) I ' Wednesday, September 23. A • expires sepiember u,\m not vaudwih other omas m pankyou fer>©ilptonsideration.« V the cord Ujtmdm 17, 1W News 11 Gay and lesbian guide to colleges

TORONTO (CUP) - The first-ever lesbian and gay guide to Canadian colleges and universities is in the works at a Toronto-based publish- ing company.

- The guide - which will be available next fall covers a variety of subjects, including lesbian and gay coming-out groups, sexual harass- ment codes, and same-sex spousal benefits. It will also include list- ings of gay and lesbian service groups. The guide is aimed mainly at helping new students adjust to life at college or university. "Frosh week is a time when people can get together and meet their peers and form friendships, but for lesbians and gay men it is more difficult to meet others," said Lori Reinsilber, a fourth-year women's studies student at York University in Toronto. "There is no sense of community, no reflection of ourselves, and no validation because events and programs are exclusive to heterosexuals," she added. "Orientation is harder on gay men and lesbians whether they are out or not, because of added pressure to be heterosexual and promis- cuous," said Michelle Marie, a fourth-year York student. Marie recalls posters on the main floor of her college residence her first year, that said, "What's the matter Vanier girls, don't you like guys?" "This is a blatant way of saying that if you don't party with those men, then you must be a lesbian," she said. Organizers are collecting information for the guide by sending out questionnaires to university and college admissions offices, women's centres and sexual harassment centres, said Andrea Calver, a member of the Queer Press collective, who is helping put the guide together. Elissa Horcroft, an employee of York's student federation said in- formation will also be compiled "through student governments, stu- dent handbooks, anywhere that says something about the university." The project is being funded by the Ontario and Canadian feder- ations of students, the Ontario government, and York's student feder- ation. Copies of the guide will be sold at campus, lesbian and gay, and women's bookstores. It will also be made available as a special out- reach program to high schools, university libraries, and admissions offices. Check out the line-up for the Bookstore. I thought I was Photo: Sheldon Page smart leaving book buying until classes started - show's you how much I know.

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5 give you the added security of M ( ( N Hawks Pennant feast Run SPORTS page 13 page 15 SPORTS EDITOR: EVAN BAILEY Laurier dishes out a beating by Chris Werynski Cord Sports The hardest thing for any team to do in sports may very well be to defend their title as Champions, but the Laurier Golden Hawks sure got off to an impressive start with a 47-13 trouncing of the Windsor Lancers. The Hawks did not beat the Lancers as convincingly on the scoreboard as during last years' 63-7 display of gridiron carnage, but a potent offense, stingy defense, and solid special teams play were evident in the home opener. Stefan Ptaszek was the star of the game compiling 152 yards on 7 catches while scoring four touchdowns. One of his touchdowns was a brilliant 71 yard scamper on a punt return which gave the Hawks a 14-0 lead. Windsor closed the gap to 14-7 on a Lachance to Casola touch- down strike, but Laurier would have none of this attempted come- back. Bill Kubas began to slice and dice the Lancer secondary on his way to 308 yards and 3 touchdowns passes, all of which were to Ptas- zek. Kubas managed to toss 2 interceptions, yet looked impressive none the less. Before the third quarter was over, the Hawks had in- creased their lead to 37-7 and never looked back. The Lancers did manage to get their hands on two Spiros Anastaskis convert attempts, however one still managed to flutter through the uprights for a single. The missed convert was the first for Spiros, who had successfully nailed all 24 of his attempts last year. One of the most promising aspects of the game was the running of rookie running back Peter Hwang who carried the ball 12 times for 64 yards and 2 touchdowns. Although it is early in the season, Hwang displayed speed and elusiveness that Hawks' football fans should en- joy more of in the future. The Laurier defence looked strong as ever, even with the loss of a few veterans. Tim Bisci, Hugh Lawson, and Rienhardt Keller have returned, and should prove to be team leaders. The defence managed to reject the Lancers on a few third down attempts. The Lancers do not have the most explosive attack, but the Laurier defense should be given full credit for playing a solid 60 minutes of football. They will become even tougher as the season progresses. The next two weeks will tell us a lot about this years' Hawks squad. You don't get to play Windsor every week, and consecutive road games at Western and Guelph will be a stiff test for the team. Chris Redguard thunders through the Lancer defence Photo by: Chris Skalkos North American car quality has improved by Dean Macko Cord Sports For those of you who are still hung-over from Frosh week, wel- come to Laurier. For the rest of us, who are probably still hung- over from Frosh week, welcome back. My automotive column will take on a new look this year. Road test reviews will be shorter and more concise, yet still contain my dry, yet witty humour (some- body told me that once). This will leave me more time to actually drive the cars and less time writ- ing about them, which is the way it should be. Now, I told you last year that I avoid discussions about automo- tive quality levels like I avoid — morning T ' I classes. This is normally Nice car eh? Built in Japan from Motor Trend Magazine true. But, just as I have been i shafted by a morning Policy purchase by telling his friends parts in including life-saving fea- Pontiac Transport mini-van at an sembled by the same overpaid class, some people still come to that he did it merely to keep our tures such as ABS and air-bags as average predicted reliability. Fair line-workers. How can they pos- me and say "Why buy an guys employed. This person can standard equipment on their cars. enough. It then lists the sibly offer different quality American-made car, the Japanese now cast suspicious glances at his People cannot be blamed for Oldsmobile Silhouette as worse levels? cars are so much better built?". neighbour who just bought a thinking this way. North Amer- than average predicted reliability If any of you are still left Let me fill you in on a secret. Honda, because his neighbour ican quality levels were absolute- and the Chevrolet Lumina APV reading, I thank you for your They're not. In fact, J.D. Powers probably paid too much for the ly horrendous in the early to mid- as much worse than average patience. I've probably left you released a study that found that car he got. eighties. Bad word-of-mouth kills predicted reliability. Anyone who wondering where the dry, witty over five years of ownership, But what about value. The sales like Listerine kills germs, knows about these mini-vans can humour is. It will come. Let me Domestic cars were only 5% Japanese offer more value right. and it will take a long time for probably spot where my gripe is conclude by saying that there are more likely to incur mechanical Well, if anything has got to be this public perception to be coming from. These three mini- many great Japanese automobiles, problems than their Asian valuable to you, it should be your reversed. vans are almost identical. The but their build quality is not as counterparts. life. North American auto But it still tans my ass (for only thing different about them is superior as everyone thinks they No longer does one who pur- manufacturers (specifically lack of more coarse language) trim levels and seats. All three are are. 'Till next time, keep your chases a North American Chrysler), have taken greater when I read the Consumer built on the same assembly line, head up, and your right foot automobile have to justify his strides than their Asian counter- Report's car guide. It lists the using the same parts, and as- down. 14 Snorts THE CORD HAWK OF THE WEEK Stefan Ptaszek Windsor Lancers at Seagram but he returned a punt 71 yards student from Nelson High School The CIAU has also named Football Stadium Saturday. Stefan had 4 for a touchdown. This is the sec- in Burlington and this OUAA Stefan as their Player of the touchdowns and 152 yards in ond week in a row that Ptaszek All-Star seems to be picking up Week. This week's Hawk of the receiving during the game. has returned a punt for a touch- where he left off last season be- Congratulations are in order Week was in little doubt after the Not only was Stefan potent on down. fore he suffered a season- ending for all of the Hawks for their out- Hawks finished drubbing the the receiving end of the football, Stefan is a third year business leg injury. standing performance on Satur-

—— • ■ . j day. SOMETHING TO CHEW ON WHILE YOU'RE WAITING FOR THEIR PIZZA. - WHY WAIT AN HOUR FOR THEIR PIZZA, WHEN DOMINO'S PIZZA DELIVERS' IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS?

He can catch, run, and be a don, all at the same time. HAWK TALK by Evan Bailey Sports Editor The past week marked the be- ginning of many of the OUAA sporting events. Unfortunately not all of them had cord writers present (hint hint!). Soccer The men's Soccer team kicked off their season in Wind- sor on Saturday with a match against the Lancers. After a tough battle with the Lancers, the Hawks had to setde for a 2-2 tie. Newcomer Steven Antolcic led the Hawks scoring both of the goals. On Sunday the Hawks travelled to McMaster for what was expected to be a tough match Delivery areas limited to ensure safe ©1989 Domino's Pizza, Inc against the defending champion Marauders. In an extremely promising outing Laurier managed to blank McMaster, while popping 4 shots of their own into the net. Jandre Semren scored two of IT'S TIME FOR DOMINO'S PIZZA" the Hawk goals. With this im- pressive outing, it looks like the Call Us! 746-3900 402 King Street North Hours: Mon. - Wed. 11 am -2 am soccer Hawks will be prime con- Thu.-Sat. 11 am-3 am tenders this year. Sun. 11 am -1 am Cross Country The men's Cross Country team travelled to McMaster for _ their first event of the year. It is i obvious that the team as a whole has improved drastically since last year. LARGE I Individually, Jeff Beach led MEDIUM PIZZApr OUR PIZZA the Hawks finishing fourth W with 2 items W with 3 items ■ amongst University athletes. Teammates, Nathan Cullen, s r only for only 50 Randy Zubukovic, Andrew |^ France, and Mike Donia placed ! c^p° $B°°! $i2 j tenth, fourteenth, twenty-eighth, and twenty-ninth respectively. EXCLUDING TAXES | INCLUDING TAXES | I In team competition the five Hawks managed to grasp fourth place over all. A strong beginning indeed, for the Cross Country HXPWE9IO/10/92 r | EXPIRES 10/10/92 . | team. J If anyone is interested in join- ■ participating stores only Not valid with any other otter Pices ray C^stome' Vaio at participating stores only Not valid with arty oilier otter Pnces may Customer Valid at /ar, ing the Cross Country team, con- pays sales tax where applicable Delivery areas limited to ensure sate driving Our dnvers I pays sales tax where appKaNe Delivery areas limited to ensure sate diving Our aivti r tacting the coach, Ray Koenig, carry less than $2000 Our drivers are not penalized tor late dei'venes 'ess than S2O 00 Our drivers are not penalized 'o ate denve'ies j would be advised, (ext. 2347) the cord ""mi 17, MM Sports 15 predictions by EvanPennantBailey Sports Editor Well it's the middle of Sep- The Orioles and the Brewers National League East The Expos are the only chal- National League West left here, thanks to some tember now and all of you sports just about finished each other off lenger fanatics know what that means. on the weekend. Neither team has Pittsburgh is back again for wizardry performed by Felipe There isn't much to say here, Bet no one Alou. The more aggressive Expos other Yes, it's pennant race time; the the pitching of the Jays and both another pennant. in than the Braves are going to num- sorry keeping pace with the out- time of the year that magic will probably fade away down the the Pirates office is that have been win. Glavine has had another Pirates, but able to bers are regularly mentioned on stretch. Baltimore has the best they didn't sign Bonilla. This have not been standing year and Pendelton is Larry the tube, air waves, and in new- chance of catching Toronto if Wakefield guy is something else. win in key situations. putting up MVP stats again. sprint; the time that many athletes they can manage to pull off a or either fulfill their dreams, all sweep against the Jays in their pennants, magic - they have worked for is beaten to three game set that is coming up Time for numbers and dreams pulp by some team in the near future; highly unlike- a shredded playing Walker is smashing the ball all David Justice hasn't had a great won't be contending until the ly- He throws like he is that catch, for an average speed of over the turf, Grissom is headed year, but how can you when you century. next hour, and is for another base stealing tide, but are on the DL for half of it. This American League West about 45 miles per the or team is virtually unchanged from League East making many a good batter look unless Pirates plane crashes American last year so look for them in the Wow, Oakland is back. Eck- like a fool as they uncoil their something, they will have to arms from around their bodies. settle for second. World Series again. This is the division that most ersley is untouchable. Canseco is of the immediate population is in Texas. The beginning of Oak- concerned with because it is the lands liquidation has begun, and home of the Toronto Blue Jays. I they got a good deal too. They get will be very surprised if the Jays rid of a club house disturbance don't manage to take this division and in return they get Ruben second year in a row. Sierra, who is almost as good, guy for the of David hard With the acquisition and has half of Canseco's ego, The by Werynski insane action. The two teams combined for 65 and a revived Key and (which is still a lot). And there is Chris Cone, Cord Sports points and nearly 1100 total yards. So for all you Stottlemyre, the Jays have one of more, two respectable pitchers People often ask me, "Chris, now that you people who say, "I like the CFL better because it most potent pitching staffs also come to Oakland. the TEMPORARILY have your own column, are you has points, and cute little Doug Flutie, and John assembled. Jack Morris is I don't know how the ever going to turn into an obnoxious little sewer rat ?" Candy and stuff, eat your heart out. for a twenty plus win Athletics did it but they are in heading Being the diplomatic kind of guy that I am I reply, So now for the hopefully semi-regular multiple season and Guzman is back to the first place even with the ten page "What do you mean TEMPORARILY ? I should choice question of the week: "If I had the choice to of healthy and is proving disabled list that they once had. land the have you drawn and quartered." partake in any of the following activities it would as well. Tony Larussa must have studied it Throughout the year (I hope), this will be a be:" It is too bad that Jeff Kent had Doug Henning for a while be- place to try to make some sense, or nonsense, from A) Watch the entire Bobby Fischer - Boris Spassky to go, hey I like the guy, but you cause there is something magical the wild and wacky world of sports. If it is called chess superseries/rematch/extravaganza without the have to give up something good about the A's season. for, we may have to accidentally poke fun at help of horse tranquilizers. to get something good. The of- The Twins are the only other people, events, or even Eric Lindros. I feel kind of B) Clean all the washrooms in the Waterloo area fence is as good as ever, thanks to team with a real chance but they guilty, but if you can't laugh at other people, who during Octoberfest. Candy Maldonado and Joe Carter are running out of time and their can you laugh at ? C) Be sentenced to "Death by Leeches". who seem to be taking turns hit- pitching staff has faltered as of Anyway, if you didn't catch the Bills-49ers D) What the hell does "partake" mean ? ting dingers. late. game on the weekend you missed some seriously ANSWER : anything except A) is pretty good. ENTER THE T-SHIRT DESIGN CONTEST TOTAL MADNESS! AT $2.50 THURSDAYS until 11pm

Come toWhere and get 1 shirt with your logo the Hawrks ABSOLUTELY \ FREE n#s% If we use your Free Nacho \ \ original idea as a stock item in store Bar from \ \ 9:30pm \ A YOU WIN A SHIRT to 11:00pm Submit your idea in writing (description or rough X sketch) along with your name, WLU ID#, and phone number directly to PURPLE & GOLD STAFF. Each entry will be date/time stamped when received to avoid confusion in case of duplicate entries. Winners will be notifed by phone and names listed , /g Tn 28 King St, N instore when design arrives in stock. Purple & Gold reserves the right to determine selection of designs used. V Waterioo J All entries become the property of Purple & Gold Does not apply to Group Orders. No Substitutions 725-5050 Contest closes Dec 31/92 Purple & Gold reserves the right to discontinue Design Contest at any time. THE CORD 16 Snorts ITmmdmf, 17, I*9l

Talk for

OUAA Football the

Team GP W L T F A Pts LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 1 1 0 0 47 13 2 Hawk. MCMASTER Marauders 1 1 0 0 49 22 2 TORONTO Blues 1 1 0 0 13 6 2 GUELPH Gryphons 1 1 0 0 20 18 2 WESTERN Mustangs 1 0 1 0 18 20 0 WATERLOO Warriors 1 0 1 0 6 13 0 YORK Yeomen 1 0 1 0 22 49 0 Find out the WINDSOR Lancers 1 0 1 0 13 47 0 latest on the Hawks. Write tor Games Conl Sports. Pre-Season Results: Upcoming Games: Call TORONTO Blues 24, MCGILL Redmen 13 (Saturday, Sept. 19) 884-2990, BISHOP'S Gators 21, WINDSOR Lancers 7 GUELPH Gryphons at MCMASTER Marauders LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 57, YORK Yeomen 22 LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS at WESTERN Mustangs OTTAWA Gee Gees 43, MCMASTER Marauders 13 TORONTO Blues at WINDSOR Lancers and ask for WATERLOO Warriors 22, CARLETON Ravens 10 YORK Yeomen at WATERLOO Warriors CONCORDIA Stingers 21, GUELPH Gryphons 14 Evan. Upcoming Laurier Sporting Events Regular Season Results (Saturday, Sept. 19) GUELPH Gryphons 20, WESTERN Mustangs 18 Cross Country at Western MCMASTER Marauders 49, YORK Yeomen 22 Rugby at RMC TORONTO Blues 13, WATERLOO Warriors 6 Womens Soccer at Western LAURIER GOLDEN HAWKS 47, WINDSOR Lancers 13 Mens Soccer at Western Womens Tennis at Laurier

0

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tPSinsi© fSISJ @58-£vM0 2 KING STREET S. (AT ERB), WATERLOO 725-2807 I the cord- —pt—ll, 1*92 Feature 17 Chic sheiks Wild, weird and wonderful

by the The store attracts a wide By Sheldon Page people of all ages and from all would be well received walks of life." university community. range of customers. "Usually they & Renee Ward Creators Peck, McKenna and After discovering that Epoch come first in groups of people Condom heaven has arrived in Surette feel that Epoch "reflects had already completed the neces- and then return by themselves," Waterloo. Epoch Condom offers the concerns of a new generation sary background research, the said Heimpel. After only three weeks of a virtual cornucopia of contracep- of sexually active people who are two bought a franchise for Water- business, they established tives for the adventurous buyer. concerned with health." loo. "It's time a store like this "have regular clientele already." The products range from the common to the incredible. Natu- rally, they have condoms: coloured, flavoured, extra-large, extra-small, novelty, ribbed, lubricated, studded condoms, body-condoms, and glow in the dark condoms. Other products include spermicides, edible body gels, ba- thing gels, pleasure balms, an oil of love, condom jewelry, condom lolli-pops, t-shirts, baseball hats, boxer shorts, and finally, greeting cards. "If you buy something in the store you will walk out with a condom," said Heimpel. Once again, the main concern of the store is safe sex. While most of the products can be found elsewhere Epoch's prices are competitive. "We are right on line [in price] with the drug stores. We carry a large line of Japanese products. They cost more." The most unique item of the Photo : Sheldon Page | store is the jewelry. It's the per- said Heimpel. Epoch Condom was founded The Waterloo franchise is came to Waterloo", fect way to make a statement, be by Andrew Peck, Dan McKenna owned by the brother-sister team Despite the novelty of the prepared, and look cool at the and Chris Surette. The first store of Jeff Heimpel and Sherri store, it has received serious at-, same time. Both positive nega- opened this March in Ottawa's Heimpel-Peers. The store opened tention. and The most exclusive items of comments have been : Byward Market. on Monday, August 24th at Uni- tive the store are the t-shirts, hats, and Photo Sheldon Page ] < i concerning purpose * r Epoch is far from an "Adults versity Plaza. received the boxers. These are strictly Epoch until you find the best one for Only" type of atmosphere. A Jeff and Sherri were looking of the store. brand name items. "We want to you." The display will be a guide

' —— been concern that - There has have a generic company brand for the shopper. store promoting promis- the is like the Body Shop," said Heimpel plans to open anoth- cuity. Heimpel states that this is Heimpel. er franchise in London. are not promot- not the case. "We Another future plan for the "The concept of the store is

ing or encouraging sex. We are ——i promoting safe sex." The store has been extremely busy since it's opening. Heimpel feels that the store attracts both shoppers and "a lot of curious people" because they have managed to make the store "fun, neat, and comfortable." It is "a serious issue addressed as fun possible." As a result, the store has received a great deal of positive feedback through local media. Positive word of mouth has also increased traffic to the store. The exterior design of the store reflects the atmosphere Photo : SheldonPage | found within. It has a large, clear store is to create a condom dis- here to last," said Heimpel. "It storefront window that is wide play case. "Each condom will be isn't just a fad. It is becoming a 88gwww»aiMWWWW«06w<-:www^-:-:-:->:-»wg. open to the public. on display. Each brand will be on way of life." Photo : Sheldon Page "We have nothing to hide display for the customer to see "The store will be constantly press release on the mandate of to open a business of their own in here," said Heimpel. "We have and touch." changing and expanding to be- the stores states that "it fills a gap the Waterloo area. In response to people of all ages come in here. Heimpel gives this advice to come more of a condom and in society...replacing apprehen- the present safe sex trends, they We have not had an embarrassed condom shoppers, "you have to sexuality store. It will just keep sion with knowledge, benefiting felt that a condom type shop person in here yet." experiment with different ones growing." 18 Feature THE CORD THE CORD Feature Thmndn tipOmHf 17, lm 19 FROSH FLASHBACK

PHOTOS BY CHRIS SKALKOS KEVIN WATSON AND RAMBO

As a veteran of two previous frosh weeks at a com- Registration. Some of us who didn't chew up a munity college, I definitely give Safari Laurier two whole day in those lines spent the next two hours thumbs up. The Organizing Committee and the waiting in line for a hamburger. LAYOUT BY Icebreakers deserve the credit for a week that did everything it was designed to do. I met a lot of In the afternoon, the eating contests were held. great people, learned about university life, and did Bananas and watermelons were devoured, and I'm some awesome partying. In short, Safari Laurier did proud to say that my team won the sub-eating REN EE WARD everything a frosh week should. glutton-fest. To round out the day, we went to a AMD HEATHER video dance party at the AC. Monday night. This is when frosh week really be- MUMDELL gan. The temperature in the AC was about 130 de- Friday morning we all headed out to Pioneer grees but the teams were pumped. The comedy acts Sportsworld. If we weren't already in rough enough were good, although we were really there for the shape, this place finished us off. My personal cheer-off. It was a perfect way to get us into the favourites were the bumper cars and the wave pool. spirit of the week. Oh yeah, there were some The only casualties were a few frostbite cases. speeches as well. STORY BY At night we hit Lulu's to see the world's largest bar Tuesday morning we saw a play on Sexuality, and the world's second longest line-up. The second which was very good, and checked out the WLU band was incredible, playing a mix of cover tunes ERIC GREEN Campus. In the Regatta games we were blind- and original material. folded, muddy and some of us had to hurl. * Saturday was Shinerama Day (as if no one knew). Tuesday night we went to The Twist. The rest was Considering most of us were operating on three a blur — need I say more? hours sleep or less, the shiners were really enthusiastic. Wednesday was a big blur, too. THE CORD Scavenger Hunt was happening in the morning. In We finished just in time to see the Hawks kick the evening we saw the Battle of the Bands. If we Windsor's ass all over Seagram Stadium. Most of were judging based on attendance, the reggae band us were 100 burned out to really enjoy it. For the definitely lost. The other choices were a folk group final night of Safari Laurier, we partied with Kim at Wilf's, or an alternative band at The Turret. Mitchell at the AC.

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I mean, Pure stops off at Fed on the twenty-fourth. what's the problem? Where exactly did they think the AC was? Where were they during the campus Slik Toxik contaminate Stages on the twenty- tours? I know, I know... they were making vows of fourth. sobriety. Better that the majority of the frosh missed Kim Theatre Laurier presents Listen to the Wind at the Mitchell's performance. We do not want new- T.A. from Sept. 24 to 26. comers to our school thinking that Laurier is where lame, aging rockers come to give their requiem U.K. sensations Kitchens of Distinction, King- mass, appealing to the spirits of the dead for safe maker and Bleach play Lee's Palace on Oct. 1. passage into the next world. Better that they got some sleep... Colin James is at LuLu's on October 2. Do I ever wish I had. Instead, I watched a con- cert which was rendered indecipherable by the Kiss lick the Gardens October 3 along with Faster Athletic Complex's (hint... hint... hint) god-awful Pussycat and Trixter. Sheep and cattle beware. acoustics. Maybe Mitchell gave the concert of his life. Probably not, though. Even the people who got And so you know: it looks like The Stone Roses will close enough to see how little hair he really had finally be putting out an album by Christmas and looked bored. There was no energy in this crowd. maybe a tour to follow; R.E.M and Prince both In fact, I swear that the crowd became progressive- have new discs out by mid-October; Also, Elvis is ly smaller as the night wore on. dead. I know for a fact that they did not go to the beer garden. Only a truly sadistic person would subject themselves to the evil that lurks in a can of Formosa "Cold Filtered" Draft. What was it filtered photo: Chris Skalkos through? My gym socks, no doubt. What a cruel I « =Recommended fate for those of us who were still recovering from even played at our humble venue. The AC was the previous night at Lulu's. Even Kim Mitchell hardly Wonderland, and we were hardly his loyal ™ following. In fact, I swear some of the people sit- a Box knew this. He referred to the die-hard beer hounds Monster in is a welcome ting on the chairs on either side of the AC fell as- change from the regular genre of as "knuckleheads" with alcohol abuse problems. Thanks, buddy, for rubbing that in. leep during that paragon of nostalgia, "Patio films that flood theatres these Lanterns." days. In this, his second Was the joke really on us? It really was a no- such In the end, I thank the good people at Formosa film, writer win situation wasn't it? Mitchell's tired old philoso- and sometimes actor, for giving me the night off. You never know, hell Spalding Gray, delivers a 90- phy of "ROCK! ROCK! ROCK!" doesn't seem as heard him in high might not be so bad. I know that I won't be drink- minute monologue seldom leav- appealing now as it did when we silliness, ing and if I am lucky, Kim Mitchell will live to 110, Irt his desk. What makes this school. In order to escape the we went for ■■■I a beer. WRONG CHOICE! hopefully giving me many years of peace and quiet. 0 film so great is Gray's absolutely W incredible storytelling abilities W' BUHIB an d his sense of dark humour. J Following in the line of his pre- vious film, Swimming to Cam- Magic Menagerie bodia, in which he recounts the ritfBpP trials of working on the movie r j The Killing Fields, this new work Cord Staff Named Desire. iiate his father and plans to join centres on the trials of taking a Ross presented a similarly un- the merchant marines. PB| vacation as well as other equally While many theatre followers conventional treatment of The Ironically, Tom is engaged to JJt frightening forays. Monster in a this summer were coming and Glass Menagerie at the Water be married and the play ends in Box is an often grim and fre- going and talking of Stratford, the Street Theatre this past May and hopelessness. quently hilarious trip into the local Nova Theatre Company June. Ross takes these tragic, lone' 1 H i mind of a truly underrated artist. seduced smaller audiences with William's play focuses on the figures and their bleak househc .2 The film runs from Sept. 17 until its magical interpretation of Ten- Wingfield family and its naive at- and gives them new life. With the Sept. 20 at the Princess Cinema. nessee Williams' The Glass tempts to reconcile fantasy with emphasis on fantasy, and with the Menagerie. reality. Abandoned by the father aid of set designers Phil Irish and For five years, the young as- and husband, Amanda and her Anna Markvart, the director gives sembly has recruited gifted area children Tom and Laura each try the claustrophobic setting colour

high school and university stu- to recreate their lives by indulg- and music. Five 'magicians' —

— — dents and presented them with ing in their dreams. mimes, essentially -- and a Overheard creatively challenging scripts, Tension develops when Jim, a saxophonist roamed unobtrusive- I such as The Bald Soprano and gentleman caller and friend of ly around the stage, giving shape "Open your mind so. your ass The Diary of Anne Frank. The Tom, provides the forceful and sound to the characters' can follow." Nova group and director Corey Amanda the opportunity to push dreams. Sander Ross may be remembered him on the a frail introvert Laura, A maniacal portrait of the fa- Feminist and anatomical expert at Laurier for their recent con- and thus change her family's for- ther, an explosive, colorful splasH Gloria Steinem troversial production of another tunes. Meanwhile, the angry and of a face, loomed large in the Williams play, A Streetcar resentful Tom is tempted to im- (cont. on pg.24) 22 Entertainment THE CORD Yeecchhh! by George Dzsudsak midtempo song calling erotic im- Hit fast forward on lifeless and and Chris Honsberger ages to mind: "If it ain't good limp numbers like "Pretty Litde enough/I'll work keep Girl", "Lovin' You Down", "One Bobby Brown is back after harder/I pumpin' every minute, girl/And more Night","That's The Way four years with his much rub those thighs/Can I taste your Love Is" and "Till The End of anticipated release Bobby, but can make you scream if Time." Their titles say it all. after hearing it, you'll wish he wine/I you let down your guard". had stayed away. This record o*V- might as well be called Don't Be - Cruel 11. Brown fails to break any new ground or exhibit any artistic growth and maturity. The results are cliched, uninspired, flat lyrics coupled with relatively funkless, soulless skeletal arrangements. All this is despite having worked once again with jack swing master Teddy Riley who pro- duced Dangerous for Michael Jackson. The slammin' debut smash single "Humpin' Around" is the strongest and funkiest offering of the 13 tracks. It pulses with dance floor energy and fast, furious rap- ping. In comparison, the rest of the album is run-of-the-mill gen- eric hip-hop fodder with no songs particularly standing out. The danceable "Two Can Play That Game" is repetitive and dull but eventually grows on you, and if you like a dash of rap in your Theatre Laurier presents photo: Chris R&B, Brown delivers in spades. Listen to the Wind, a play by Skalkos Perhaps the most annoying Canadian playwright James song is a forgettable dance fluff Reaney, from September 24 track called "Get Away" in which to 26. Tickets are $10 the title phrase is tirelessly regular, $8 for students or repeated at least 120 times. seniors, and are available at Brown does a Smokey Purple and Gold. Showtime Robinson turn in "Good is 8:00 pm every night. Enough", a sexy and suggestive I TENT EVENT 7°— * RIGHT UP SWg§T SHIRT 11'1....; I I (WjiffilQ STEP FOR FRK 4** ( t EMPORIUM I %"§ w"TcW W°w vw 402 KING ST. N. (AT WEBER) I

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(com. from pg.2l) ly cast. Alex Lofthouse, complete but ultimately indifferent out- background, furthering the atmo- with smoke, scruff and leather sider. sphere of sickness and despair. jacket, squinted and snarled his As they habitually retreated The play went to great lengths way well through the role of the from each other, the family mem- to evoke a magical ambience. An rebel. Jane McGregor, as Laura, bers drew the audience into their original score by saxophonist lan was convincing in the part of the fantasies. Credit to Ross for Ring and John Williams lulled fragile, frightened victim. Brigitte crawling inside the characters' the audience into the oppressive Schuster played Amanda with the heads and enriching the text with heat that the stage seemed to appropriate amount of humour some provocative imagery. And create. and vigor, constantly on the verge to the actors for creating poig- All four actors were ad- of erupting with either laughter or nant, pathetic creatures craving to mirable as the irritating and piti- pain. Jim was aptly represented as be held. Or strangled. able family members, and suitab- the bright-eyed, good-natured, Bobby Brown disappointing

(cont.from pg.22) that every successful pop star find these days in the 90's/Let's Wife Whitney Houston lends deems requisite in their latest sing about it". Yeechhhhhh!!! her voice on "Something In Com- work. After four years of waiting, we mon" but don't expect too much. Stick to strutting your shirt- were hoping for a slammin' com- This insipid duet fails to show- less body around in your videos, pilation of funky new jack styl- case her considerable vocal Bobby. That's all the depth we ings to follow up the explosive talents, thanks to thin, saccharine expect. 1988release Don't Be Cruel. Dis- lyrics and a lackluster arrange- The album closes with a syrupy appointingly and surprisingly, ment. duet with gospel diva Debra Bobby is just a pale imitation of A drippy ballad, "College Winans called "I'm Your that. This is another one of those Girl", reverts to the silly Friend". The gushy lyrics about albums with essentially only one prepubescent sentiments of treasured friendship and dedica- or two good songs, but it'll sell Brown's New Edition days and is tion ring about as hollow as a millions anyway. If you want to embarrassing to listen to. "Storm Hallmark greeting card: "Debbie, buy it, however, that's your Away" is Brown's trite and naive I really treasure your friend- prerogative. attempt at social consciousness ship/Good friendships are hard to GREAT tOOD. BLUER PRICES

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tween fervent self-expression and not comprehendible on first tight ensemble playing. "Divided listening and whose music truly We Stand" is a strong example of defies classification. this, as are the jovial "Holiday" and "Hereafter". Here the Treeo spits dynamics are as disparate as whispered counterpoint to screaming guitar and violin duets. This is "electronic chamber music" that is at once lyrical, earth-shatteringly aggressive and byfarGeorge Dzsudsak exultant. and Chris Honsberger on Bring Em It is made clear Book of Rejection represents the Back Alive that Morse is among sophomore effort from the Leslie the best all-around guitarists, but Spit Treeo. Being Treeo virgins, that point is argued even more we didn't know what to expect; convincingly on his latest trio ef- we received some pleasant fort, "Coast to Coast". With the surprises. This group can help of Dave Laßue and Van certainly put out some rockin' Romaine, Morse combines his tunes with strong, emotional wouldn't find out about Steve Morgenstein, T Lavitz, Allen classical roots with funk, by Trevor Hamoen lyrics. Morse by listening to the radio. Sloan, and Dave Laßue. Each bluegrass and metal for a sound Musically, the accom- His old bandmates have That's not his style. He prefers to player has a solo career (except familiar to his fans and grippingly paniment is superb in the form of rallied around him once again for produce consistently artistic al- Sloan who is a practicing exciting for guitar and composi- Jack Nicholson's chugging guitar a tour and an album and his own bums, without videos, singles or anesthesiologist), and that's what tion buffs alike. and contributor Joel Anderson's Steve Morse Band is hotter than media stunts. makes them so strong together. However, it would just be punching drums. What might ever; 1992 is shaping up to be his With Bring Em Back Alive, an Quite unlike a group of opera more guitar ya-hooing if it were keep new fans away, however, is year. You'd never know it instrumental live album, the tri- soloists who might tend to over- not for Morse's insistence on sub- Laura Hubert's lead vocals, though, unless you read the trade umph is in the combined efforts power one another, the Dixie tlety, precision and raw emotion. being distinctive, they are magazines - and you certainly of his bandmates: Rod Dregs manoevre smoothly be- This is a master whose talents are restrained, emotionless and lean towards monotonous on many numbers. Hubert's vocals are most effective on the album's mid- tempo tracks. Her voice is almost haunting on "Falling Star", underscored as it is by Nicholson's captivating mandolin work. This is also true on the title track where her vocals are perfect for the country feel with a hard bluesy edge that the song evokes. Her voice is sufficiently cutting on numbers like "People Radio Shack on-campus Say", a song about people's Radio Shack is proud to be on-campus at your *ll| : 3 tendency to downplay today's school. We look forward to serving the students and faculty of this fine learning institution. _ social problems, and "She's A SJut". This latter track is a taunting, tongue-in-cheek expression of disgust and Cassette recorder is 1 99-scientific function compact & voice-actuated calculator is dual-powered, for easy note-taking. 14-1100 with battery. 65-998

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accusation with lyrics like: "Skin tight fabric/Skirts so short.../She's a slut/She's a whore/She's gonna steal your man." AM/FM clock radio. OQQ Other tunes, like the mclodic lw.»4*?r Top-mounted controls, fclwr "In Your Eyes", the spicy "Too I'' I>j Easy Now", the raw "Angry Lifetime", and the driving "Too /7 Easy Now" and "Little Dog" are ,j TDK tape 10-pack. With HjQ99 t done a great disservice by storage case. , lv 441 _ -B^p,: fj| Hubert's rangeless, flat vocal '^ Alkal ' ne Batter tracks even 6a " stylings. Some don't M get off the ground for the same reason. iSpfe AA - 23-552 .4/ 4.89 Personal portable cassette jff of Spit players in black or white. With 9V. 23-553. ea. 3.49 Fans the Leslie stereo headphones. 14-9238/9 I L/IX AAA. 23-555 2/3.29 Treeo's previous record Don't Cry Too Hard shoilld enjoy Book Batteries/tapes/accessories not included division -t- ii\jter.7/ii\i Canada ltd unless specified. Radio Shack not ac- mm does , I—s^ of Rejection. If you can get past cept liability for typographicalor pictorial er- M 112 . ■ H| m td=% some of the singing, others might exclusive ofany applicable taxes > ~e , enjoy this album, too. Sale ends Oct. 31/92 W U in E' THE CORD 26 Thmn+y, fptimHi IT, MM

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For the record, death is bad. And besides saving us the dear Ouija But isn't it about time some trouble of having to look at drool- people actually did it? ing lounge singers way past their There was once a time when prime (Wayne Newton, Sinatra, Ouija is the most omniscient and omnipotent presence on campus. Ouija has the ans are miserable, distressed or please write to Ouija, self-respecting movie star or Vegas Elvis) there's another in- wers to everything. Ifyou confused any do The Cord. You can hand your letters into the Info Centre or The Cord offices. pop god would jump at the centive to kicking it early; Prema- Ouija, chance to call it quits and spare ture death makes a martyr out of Dear My roommate just told me she is sleeping with three different the world the stench of their dried even the most talentless star and a has men. think this is appalling. It goes against every moral bone in by out chords or flatulent films. But saint out of even the biggest son- I to her she shouldn't continue this activity ever since the late sixties and of-a-bitch. body. I would like tell anymore or I will move out. I do not want to be associated with her regrettable seventies people who Has really watched a anyone promiscuity because it is something I do not feel comfortable with. should die haven't. Did anyone James Dean movie? Signed, John Lennon and Jim Mor- really like Jimmy Hoffa? Lynyrd Promiscuous' roommate rison had the idea. J.F.K. figured Skynyrd fucking suck anyway! in Dallas and Marilyn Mon- it out little bit of death thrown in saw it coming. Is it any A Dear Promiscuous' roommate, roe right direction would go a by wonder what kind of rubbish the Your roommate is an individual with values that are chosen people would be putting out long way to making this a better her. She has the freedom to decide what her behaviour should be. No

these - First, Leppard not leading right now had they lived? world. Def one should tell her otherwise. If she is comfortable her life the Easy. appendage by appendage but without compromising her own set of principles that is her right and the Paul McCartney, Ronald whole lot. Then Fidel Castro, her business. fascist hypocrite who Reagan, John Travolta and the Cuban Unfortunately, you are going to have to deal with your own feel- during the Revo- living entire Beach Boys band should should've died ings on the matter. If you do not feel comfortable with your lution before he became a Mar- (without judging all have died a long time ago. roommate you must tell her how you are feeling Elvis impersonator. And why If any of them ever had anything xist her). Maybe you can compromise and meet each other half way when not Dylan? Has anyone un- to offer, the last fifteen years Bob it comes to rules within the bounds of sharing your derstood a word he's said since are around). have at least proved that they are room!house!apartment (i.e. no entertaining while you 1973? all fifteen years late dying. Consideration works both ways though. Always keep in mind that it is Aren't they a little embar- And, for the record, Elvis did your roommate's home too and she has the right andfreedom to live rassed by stuff like "Ebony and I overstay his welcome but in it any way she chooses. Ivory", Reaganomics and appear- I eventually did the right thing. If you decide to move out for your own moral reasons then that is Better than never I guess. your right and freedom. After all, she has no problem with your ing on~ the Cocktail Soundtrack? I late if O current situation then the onus is really on you. Choose what is best for you without judging other people based on your values. Good Luck, interested Ouija.

in sheep? Dear Ouija, My old boyfriend just told me he has a social disease he may have received from me. He has slept around quite a lot since we broke up and I think he is just pointing the finger. He told me I need to tell my & past boyfriends and find out who the source is. I have only slept with one other guy besides him and I really don't think I have anything. I am not a slut and I have absolutely no mysterious symptoms and I really don't want to go through all the hassle if he is wrong. Sincerely, come Innocent

up and Dear Innocent, Your boyfriend's message to you is something you have to take I tfe write for seriously. The issue right now is to establish if you are infected by OUfUtevt anything. Make sure you go to a doctor (health services) immediately. I rfut&ettic Oven the cord Social diseases are serious and you are putting yourself and any one entertainment you have sex with in the future at a serious risk. I -2 t 'Pijfa- OH 'TKoHdayl Ifyou do find out that you are infected you have to tell all the pre- fat vious people you have had intercourse with. This may be embarrass- I -2 J oh section ing but you have to give the other people you slept with the chance to £o% "Jete&deufb get medical attention too. It is only fair. I If you are having trouble dealing emotionally with what you have SfteUevU just heard you can always call The Peer Hot-Line, 884-PEER, or go to WLU Counseling Services (second Floor Student Services Build- ing). Anyone who has had even one sexual encounter without using a 50 'Wc&tmotaU ttoout. If. latex condom and water base lubricants is at risk of contracting a so- cial disease. It does not mean you are a "slut" whatever that term __ Ifatienlo* ZXX-9200 next meeting p Often "Daily at t turn. *£iccH&c«L. tomorrow 2:30 really means. The important thing is that you take control of your health and your life now. in the turret Condomly Yours, Ouija

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coupon entitles the bearer to a basket . of our largest, juiciest order of wings for only $4 Cplus taxes). Good only 5-9pm Thursday. 1 Valid until Sept 24/92. " ' MThis ￿drink purchase necessary THE CORD 28 Entertainment nmndmy, 17, lW Brilliant Rheostatics have all the elements for success Whale Music is colossal by Steve Burke the bank and put it in a long term Following last year's im- deposit because the results are al- pressive and diverse Melville, the ways guaranteed...". Not quite. foursome from Etobicoke with You never really know where "hopes of conveying the feeling Whale Music is taking you. The' of being an unstable, proud, band doesn't have a sound so to frightened, and awestruck young speak. Canadian saddled to the vertebrae Writing, musicianship, vocals of the dinosaur of rock, all the and arrangements are exchanged while joyriding across the lolling among members after many of plains and seething cities and bib- the songs, and styles shift not lical mountaintops of this big only between songs, but often be- blue marble" has delivered in tween verses. The album almost Whale Music a collosal 17 song needs a map. The 'song' Guns package that has all the elements isn't even sung; it's a short, of success. Namely: spoken piece that ends in a bar- -Enough guest stars to provide rage of drums, and several songs widespread promotion and appeal don't even have choruses. topics — The Barenaked Ladies, Chris Some odd, off-beat add Brown and Gene Hardy from the to the confusion - a gas station, a Bourbon Tabernacle Choir, variety store, a dog, a shaved Tannis Slimmon from the Bird head, or having no head at all; Disgusting". Sisters, and Neil Peart from Rush, "Neat. Stupid. in- among others. Bags of talent Overall, a very uneven and within the band and without. consistent record; certainly not -Lots of 'Canadianisms' to the recipe for success. But bril- create a sympathetic relationship liant. Buy album. with listeners - "now the screen this The CD door is still broken since you format. The cassette begins to kicked your Kodiaks thru it"from wear out after the two hundred "Queer", "And in the line-up and thirteenth listen. where their souls can be sold, they've never heard of this Cana- See this band live! The band will be at s with The Groove dian band"; a tidy water motif to Phil -- a credits, photos Daddys on Wednesday September hold it all together - "It's quiet coming down" from "Rain, Rain, -Attractive packaging pages of lyrics and $8 and are on underwater" from "California Rain" and "but I felt a cold river great whale painting by band and graphics. Very nice. 23rd. Tickets are Dreaming", "rain, rain, rain keeps of tears upon my cheek" member Martin Tielli, plenty of "You can take this recipe to sale now. CORD PROGRESSION Pat Brethour Pat Brethour first year fourth year "In my first year, I applied to Student In fourth year, Pat became Editor-In- Publications. There was a question on the Chief of The Cord, and found out how truly application: 'Why do you want to work here?' twisted people at The Cord can really be. I wrote 'Because I want the opportunity to' Come up this year and see what work with some truly twisted people." new twists evolve.

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>- LU 2 2 O o _u ji5 W Q. z 111 UJ > > LU THE CORa n»r»*w I*l Comment 31 This little piggy went to the Senate "All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others." —George Orwell, Animal Farm

THURSDAY, decades ago, George Orwell wrote Animal Farm, his classic satire of the inequalities of SEPTEMBER 17, 1992 Stalinism. In the book, greedy pigs sabotage a socialist revolution, and end up being no better ISSUE 5 VOLUME XXXIII, Fourthan the oppressive system they overthrew. The book ends with the pigs changing, changing to a COVER PHOTOGRAPHY: EDA DILISO curious combination of man and pig. Nothing much has changed since then. Judy Rebick, president of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women has decided to join THECORD the "No" side of the referendum debate on the recent constitutional accord. The NAC wanted a constitu- tional guarantee that at least half of Canada's newly elected Senators would be women. They didn't get their guarantee, so they oppose the accord. Such kneejerk opposition is bad enough, in and of itself. What is truly frightening is the prospect that the NAC's proposal might be adopted, and inequality would be enshrined in the highest legal document of Canada. Their proposal replaces one shitty inequitable system, with another equally inequitable, equally shitty system. Right now, the NAC argues, women do not have full access to the political process. Not enough EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Pat Brethour women are nominated, so not enough women are elected. Page NEWS EDITOR Sheldon The NAC's solution is to have the Constitution dictate that half of the Senate must be female. That Ingrid ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Nielsen way, the NAC says, the the men would be end, and Feizal domination of Senate by at an a new era of equality ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Valli would emerge. ASSISTANT ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR.... Jennifer O'Connell NAC wrong. Guaranteeing Senate seats cure Canadian politics, or Canada, SPORTS EDITOR Evan Bailey The is won't of gender bias. It will do one thing though: an Senate, not PRODUCTION MANAGER — Rente Ward destroy the entire logic of having elected if Canadian GUEST FEATURES EDITOR Jim Boyce democracy. Democracy is predicated on a few basic concepts. Concept #1: No matter who I am I can vote. Con- STAFF cept #2: No matter who I am, I can run for office. The fundamental concept is that in an election, I am not Production Assistants: legally impeded by who I am, in either voting, or being voted for. Gail Norton That is precisely the concept that the NAC's proposals would obliterate, at least for the Senate. If a Vacant Classified Co-ordinator riding association decided to nominate a man, would the national executive of the party intervene and and Filing..... Vacant Circulation parachute in a female candidate? Or would the Judy Rebicks of Canada get to pick which women were Copy Editors Tom Tanner Vacant 'elected' to the Senate? And who decides which men, duly elected by their riding associations and the Canadian electorate, just go home? CONTRIBUTORS: Where is democracy stopped? Who becomes a little bit more equal than everyone else? And who ends Ryan Feeley, John McHutchion, Christina Craft, Mark Hand, up looking like a greedy pig? Martin Walker, The Omniscient Ouija, Jim Boyce, DenyS DaivS, Ironically, the goals of the constitutional reforms are to unite Canada, and to provide for a larger dem- J.R. Artinger, Phil! M. Kinzinger, Julie Johnston, Steve Doak, ocratic voice. If the NAC's proposals are adopted, both of these laudable goals are forfeit. Cathy Jo Noble, Chris Werynski, Dean Macko, George Dzsud- And so is the very soul of Canadian democracy. sak, Chris Honsberger, Alex Moiseev, Trevor Hamoen, Kevin Watson, Eric Scholey, Eric Green, Steve Burke, Chris Skalkos Production: Ryan Feeley, Heather Mundell, Julie McAlpine, Niki Editorial by Pat Brethour, Editor-in-Chief Westman, Jim Laird, Karen Irvine, John Lavigne, Vannetta Adolf, Scott, Libby, Rebecca, Allison, Jennifer (come back next week The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of th and we'll give you last names..) Rick Dales, Craig Kelly, Eric rest of The Cord staff, or its publisher, WLU Student Publications. Green, Adrienne Hodgin, Oliver at Campus Plus... Photo: Chris Skalkos, Andrew Dunn, Tom Szeibel, Sheldon Page, Kevin Watson, Tom Misick, Rambo, Eda DiLiso Wk\ STUDENT PUBLICATIONS TREASURER Rosemary Banks Vacant intimate TECHNICIAN gets SYSTEMS U2 PHOTO MANAGER Chris Skalkos Photo Technicians: -Eda DiLiso Dear Editor, ment (humour) was totally out concert Graphic Arts Technician Kathleen Honey left of the "Everything you know is a lie" (the review of review. pffl I ADVERTISING U2's Zoo t.v. concert) missed the mark, the boat Parody was what Zoo t.v. was about. The whole Manager Jamie Neilson and the point. The article was an example of bad show was a big hack on the media and the media's Ad Production..... f»— Vacant journalism but more tragically it painted a false pic- perception of U2. It was not an "American, glitter- Sales §...» Vacant ture of the group and the concert. type show" but "a comment on a rock spectacle." The concert focased on U2's new material. This (Toronto Sun) BOARD OF DIRECTORS seemed to disappoint the writers of the article For a stadium concert the show was surprizingly Martin Walker, President (Renee Ward and Colleen Prentice) who said they intimate. During "Until the End of the World", Brian Gear Sean McLean longed for the "good old days". I guess they ex- Bono pulled a girl from the crowd on stage to dance Allan Lee Vacant pected a greatest hits concert that would have been with. There was also a stage runaway that went out Dawna Maclvor Vacant a guaranteed crowd pleaser. U2 did not stoop that of the stage and into the crowd which was used fre- Christina Craft (ex officio) low nor play it that safe. They displayed their quently. Touches like these "effectively broke new relying on The Cord continues its regular publishing year enthusiastically. Any Letters refreshing sound rather than old down any perceived audience/artist barriers." to the Editor must be submitted typed and double-spaced by Tuesday, September anthems. U2 is a group that innovates. Achtung (Globe and Mail). This too was absent from the ar- 22 at 4:00 pm for the following publication. Keep up the good work! But, we can Baby, like Joshua Tree and the Unforgettable Fire, ticle. only I.D. print letters that bear the author's real name, telephone number, and does just that. Musically, Achtung beats anything It was unfortunate that the article's writers mis- number (if applicable). All submissions become the property of The Cord and we they have done before. I welcome this new sound reserve the right to edit or refuse any submissions. Furthermore, The Cord will understood the concert. U2 did what U2 wanted to not print anything in the body of the paper considered to be sexist, racist or unlike Ward and Prentice. "Songs are like old not what Renee Ward and Colleen Prentice thought homophobic in nature by the staff as a voting body, or which is in violation of our girlfriends. You have to get over them because life they should. This, I guess, ruined the concert for code of cthics or creed. The most vile, and even ill-conceived, pieces submitted goes on." -Bono them. And U2 did play "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" may still be printed in the letters section, though. Humour was also a big part of the show. From (unlike what was Cord subscription rates are S 15.00 per term for addresses within Canada and reported). It was the best version the $18 outside the country. We'd probably give Wilf's people the paper for free, George Bush starting show saying, "We will I've ever heard. But I didn't hear "Stand by Me". though, out of sheer gratitude for soft morning music, and icy cold beer mugs. rock you", to the phone call to the president's of- U2 didn't sell-out as the article alludes. They just The offices of The Cord are incredibly friendly and accessible. Hie editor-in- fice, there were many times I was howling with put on a concert that was amazing in every regard. chief is grumpy until he gets his morning coffee. However, the editor is much hap- laughter. According to the Toronto Sun, U2 is "put- pier that he enjoy a cigarette with his morning coffee, now that Wilf' s has can ting the fun back in rock 'n' roll." This whole ele- Scott Starra reopened. The Cord is printed by the most excellent people at the Cambridge Reporter. The Cord publishes again next Thursday, and we all sincerely hope we have even more volunteers up here by then. Kudos for this issue go to almost everyone, even the Photo Manager (who has a propensity to bare himself). Please, please Correctionsand Clarifications come up to volunteer. It will keep you in stitches, and will keep me out of a strait- ija—Mii—MBMM. .» jacket. Colleen Prentice -- desperate Cordie-wannabe -- will be your leader. If the hori**HB*| The Cord is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association, and incorredXH|dentifie||/p»'. Associate VP: Personnel andlplanning. a prospective member of Canadian University Press. Oh, yeah. job title was, in fact, Associate VP: Personnel and Student Affairs. All commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily ©A photographer for S|3ai^pS spelled. The j represent those of the Cord staff, the editorial board, or the WLU Student Publica- |fcorre<||$pelltng is Kyle tions Board of Directors. ©An entertainmeiSHp|e.r waffllot. identified Contributions section. Colleen 1991 WLU Student Publications, 75 University Ave. West, wffne i Copyright (c) by » Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5. No part of this publication may be reproduced ihumbleMTdapologies.1 AJ without permission of the Editor-in-Chief. Unless you're dad's bigger than my dad. Letters to the THE CORD 32 Editor Tfcfdqn f«Hwtw i7. ll» Batman's a LETTERS EDITOR THETO "shit sandwich" The Dear Cord's Letter Policy Editor, • All letters must writers The has had Jennifer be submitted with the author's name, student identification One of the best Cord is Epps. Her number and telephone

— number. movie reviews are, almost without exception, excellent almost. • All letters be printed The review of Batman Returns last week was an insult to every will with the author's name, unless otherwise requested. • thoughtful being in the universe. To say that monstrosity was Letters must be received by Tuesday at 2:00 pm for publication in that week's issue. "masterful" is an outrage...well, a gross misrepresentation, anyway. I could hardly bear to watch Keaton sleepwalk through two hours • Letters must be typed, double-spaced and cannot exceed 400 words. of crap. I thought Pfeiffer's Catwoman was insulting and thoroughly • The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter, but will not correct spelling and one-dimensional. I guess that could be considdered an achievement in grammar. acting considering the screen is two-dimensional, but to praise that • The Cord reserves the right to reject any letter, in whole or part, that is in woman's acting is akin to saying one enjoys the aesthetic value of a violation of existing Cord policies, specifically : letters which contain personal big pool of sick. attacks, or defamatory statements. I saw an interview with Pfeiffer in which she said that one of the things that attracted her to the role of Selina Kyle-Catwoman was the complexity of the character. I guess if something just doesn't make sense you could call it complex...if you're a [insert libelous comment here] who once had to stoop so low as to play the lead role in Grease 11. No, I don't like Pfeiffer, but Sean Connery would be a better Shape up Catwoman than her. education Epps Catwoman "one of the most intriguing screen Jennifer called cation. If we are to prepare for a better future we in What the hell? "There are sexist elements" wrote Dear Editor, heroines years." must begin by investing in our children and that Epps. What the hell? That Catwoman makes Wilma Flintstone look The jobless rate in Canada is astounding. The unemployment and welfare statistics continue to means education, not weapons and space explora- like a poster-woman for the feminist movement. The movie reeked of isn't the only answer, rise with no apparent end in sight. Our government tion. But more money we sexism. also have to change some parts of the existing sys- - has no answers. Their internal bickering and short- She wrote that the meat of the story is the characterization an per teacher should sightedness has stalled any chance we may have tem. The number of students be interesting comment. If it's true then the story was pure shit, because This can easily done by using co-op high had to solve our economic problems. They do not 15:1. be that's what the characters were. It's a disgrace to screenwriter Daniel university at a fraction of the have the imagination which is needed to create jobs school and students Waters to have come up with Heathers and then give us this. cost a teacher. It would also lighten the in today's marketplace. Instead, they have blindly of full-time I just don't know what happened. Jennifer Epps usually has very work load on every teacher so as to allow them used traditional methods of boosting the economy, insightful, fair, and thoughtful things to say in her reviews. Please tell more time for other important things. Universities such as the recent purchase of $4.4 billion worth of me the Batman Returns review was a joke. Please tell me it was sar- more programs in the helicopters and other military equipment. The last and colleges need co-op castic. Either that, or she must really hate The Cord to play such a workplace, as well as encouraging part-time work nasty trick as writing that review for you, because I cannot honestly thing that this world needs is more war machines. Their line of thought is that this will create jobs all for students. Elementary students should have to believe she'd do it in earnest. news, so more across the country. I can think of far more impor- watch the daily that they become So, I now offer an alternative review of the film: they are entering. tant things we need than 50 helicopters. They also aware of the world into which Shit sandwich. post- invest money into high-tech industry. Here again The number of students allowed into must to met they show their ignorance. They spend millions of secondary education be increased the Sincerely, profitable dollars on projects which hire few people. Most of demand. It is ridiculous to think that it is Mark Hand private to the money is used on equipment and capital. The for a company operate a school. only jobs created are for those who are already Increasing the quantity and quality of education some excellent benefits. It builds self- trained and are in high demand. They do not has other esteem confidence. It creates lasting friend- Bare breasts? employ the mass amounts or people which are out and of work. Something progressive, productive and ships. But most importantly, it creates jobs and will government realizes this, I realistic must be done soon. money. When our can't but know as soon Big deal. Our education system is also a mess. More is say for sure, I do this. That as gets a complete and useful education expected of our teachers and staff while less money everyone Dear Editor, days of summer I walk around this country will find itself in a lot better shape. is given to them. The average class has 30 students Oh my, bare breasts in the with no shirt and a pair of my to every teacher and it is hurting the quality of edu- paper. Big deal. Why the hell do favourite Levi shorts on which al- Ted Smith these woman get charged for low my ass to hang out. Find that deciding not to wear a top. I have offensive? Fuck you; don't look a tattoo on my chest. Some at me if you don't agree with my get yourself into people find it offensive. In the hot cosmetic decisions. Don't We are spending millions of dollars trying to get a constitu- premature position ' a sexual TOPLESS SWIM surrs tional deal happening and blatant- ly violating the basic rights of a Dear Editor, Remember any commercials to hurt, the same as dating some- PREDICTED FOR GIRLS women! SEX. You've heard from all about cars being weapons, or a one can. People can lie, cheat, sides about diseases, condoms, syringe being like a loaded gun? and abuse you before they even This brief item ran Nov, 29, 1937 Sincerely, and date rape. Funny thing is, like Well, sex can be dangerous too, if get in bed with you—don't think Scott McKay most things about life, people like you don't know what you're in it's any different once you get Coral Gables, Fla. — U.S. women will your parents can tell you until for, and sometimes even if you there. That you're in love is no be wearing topless bathing suits by do. reason why can't still 1940,Albert de Paris, a New York beau- P.S. I found this article in the they're blue in the face about someone to ty-culture expert predicted to-day. Monday edition of The Star. what they suggest you do or not If you're not a virgin, you act like a jerk. Again, no need prepared What happened? do, but it's often lost on you. likely realize how much damage become a monk, but be sex can do, and if you are, you and informed. can only imagine. If you don't in- If you're a virgin, don't cringe tend to have sex, then you may at roommates' stories of how Dynamic Safari have to take action to prevent that their partner turns them on. This from happening. is one way that you can learn how Don't put yourself into posi- to detect if things are moving tions where sex can easily towards sex. Frosh Week means follow. and This includes staying up late and Things like backrubs suspect. alone with someone, especially if massages are particularly s situation you've been drinking. Be careful Don't put yourself in an awesome year to sex unless of who you trust, especially when you think might lead with the Dear Editor, Leaders for being so dedicated and making Orienta- drinking, since people are prone you're prepared to live It's that I just to say to the whole world that this year's tion Week so great. to personality shifts at times. possible consequences. simple. Safari Frosh Week was the best run, most fun and Above all, however, I would like to congratulate Even if you are having sex, Hopefully, you'll have most exciting week Laurier has ever seen. the Orientation Committee and Brad McDonald, remember that anyone can betray learned to explore and enjoy Despite the rainy weather, the Ice Breakers and Vice-President: Student Activities. These are the your trust. I'm not saying don't someone's company and charac- Bacchus Boosters were outstanding and I think people who worked until mid-night and on trust anyone, but don't leave ter before you enjoy their entire Laurier should be proud of the enthusiasm shown weekends (all summer) to mnake sure Safari yourself far from help, and know hard body, be that now or years from by first year students and the Orientation Leaders. Laurier would be possible. Without their work how to protect yourself. And now. The rewards you reap from The kind of dynamism J saw last week makes me Orientation Week would not have been the success something everyone had better experience from such a proud to be a part of Laurier and the entire student it was. If this is the kind of performance that con- MEANS the sexual pay attention to, "NO will be greatly increased, community. Safari Laurier proved that the energy tinues out of the Student Activities Department, I don't person NO." Some people just and the potential for lasting emo- generated during Orientation Week only adds to the think it is going to be an awesome year! seem to understand this. Try to which will tional damage drastically high level of school spirit last through- find out who they are before you every student's here at Laurier. Sincerely, reduced. out years start getting serious with them. I hope that first year students will take the op- Christina Craft portunity to personally thank all their Orientation President, WLV Students' Union Even consensual sex can lead Marc Van Es the cord 17, 191 Comment 33 Music critics shouldn't criticize

Dear Editor: sion's appearance. On a realistic As tor your lament ot U2 not like U2" Now it's your perogative Come on Renee and Colleen, After reading the review of level Renee and Colleen, unlike playing "Sunday Bloody Sunday" not to like the band. The problem next time you review a concert or the U2 concert by Siskel and MuchMusic, bands cannot change at the concert, you and I were I have is when they happen to album, try to keep your personal Ebert [Oops! Renee and Colleen], sets magically. Equipment must both at Sunday's concert and write for a paper with such a bias opinions out of it! I felt obliged to clear up a few of be removed, soundchecks must Bono doesn't like to perform that that it does a disservice to the the misunderstandings made by be made [by the way, a DJ is a song on a Sunday [look up the readers. Wilson Varghese your duo. The title of your article discreet way of doing that!]. lyrics if you don't understand], ladies certainly reflects your As for the concert, let's see...a Renee and Colleen, whether review of the concert. Firstly, band with a new album goes on you like it or not, a band's style there was another opening band tour and plays a majority of the evolves through time. Fans were [The Disposable Heroes of album. Where's the logic in that upset when The Joshua Tree and The Tory Cord Hiphoprisy] that, although "un- Renee and Colleen?!? As for the Rattle and Hum were released, known", still entertained the covers ; the covers blended quite swearing that U2 sold out. Still, Dear Editor, crowd. As for the DJ, let me ex- nicely with the songs and what's they perservered. So you two did In reference to your note at the end of Mark Hand's "Constitu- plain the reasoning behind his in- the crime in a band doing a song not like the concert. Sorry, but I tional Chat",l would like to inform you of the dis-service you are clusion. On an intellectual level, they particularly like? By the know of 60,000 other fans who delivering to Canada. Mr. Hand's article is a clear and accurate sum- ZOO TV is a commentary on the way, the last song was a cover of did not have "their hands in their mary of the Constitutional deal that is being negotiated at this time. media and its influence on Elvis' "Can't Help Falling in pockets". By not allowing him to continue to tell the truth and print his view of society. The DJ represented radio, Love" which Bono recorded for A friend of mine once said, the fucked up government you are stealing from the wanting minds of Wayne and Garth was televi- the movie Honeymoon in Vegas. "Since U2 is hot, it's hip to not the entire student body, the student body is, in most part, a represen- tation of the Canadian people. Don't you dare try to steal from this country! Who do you think you are, PC party leader? Frosh Week thanks Sincerely, Scott McKay Dear Editor, ous events, but, more importantly, in being the This is just a quick note to say thank-you to all closest knit of the off-cams. It is far easier to be those responsible for a week that I will never forget tight group while living in residence than it is when -- Frosh Week '92. you live in various spots throughout the Twin City CORD FEEDBACK. As a a mature (?) student, I was somewhat ap- area. Thanks to our Icebreakers we accomplished prehensive going into the week. I was not only this. worried about looking silly but also about how I While I would like to mention all of the WE'RE HERE TO HEAR. would be accepted by my fellow Frosh. I am thank- Icebreakers and thank them for their efforts, I am ful to say that both concerns were quickly al- going to single out the three most involved with our You may have noticed a couple of tables set up in the Concourse leviated, thanks mainly to the efforts of a wonderful group — the Gold Off-Cam. Thank you very much last week, with the appellation "Cord Feedback Booth". We're back group of people - The Icebreakers. Jenny, Streak and Aileen. I am sorry I don't know this week, and every other week that we publish. Our slogan is Just to complicate things, I am also an off-cam your full names but I want you to know this - your "We're here to hear". Our goal is to be actively solicit your opinions student and not quite as in touch or as accessible as kind words of support and understanding will be about The Cord. Which is only fair, since The Cord is your student the rezzies. Again this proved not to be a problem forever treasured. Remember gang - GOLD OFF- newspaper. for our Icebreakers, as our entire group was kept up CAM RULES THE JUNGLES. Next week, in this space, we'll be printing the comments we

V at to date and informed about what was going on. . • :v. received the Feedback Booth. So, if you want us (and everyone I think this leadership resulted in our off-cam Sincerely, else at Laurier) to know exactly what you think of The Cord, drop by group being the best, not only in terms of the vari- John Lavigne the Feedback Booth, and drop us a line. Seal skins roasting on an open fire

experienced the great outdoors as pearly-white seal-skin coat. 1 high time someone chopped you quite stupid, has a propensity to seen though the scope of a twelve can't wait. down to size. Do lesser creatures droolfiercly, and gives off quite a happy hunting gauge. And the good thing is, once ofthe earth deserve to die, Mark? noxious stench. The animal is, of Besides, I can shut them up I've taken the skin, I'll just leave You say yes, and I agree with course, the great Canadian pretty quick when I tell them I the rest of the carcass right there you, sort of. You meant that you hunter. Do yourself a favour, by mark hand hunt for food. Any old jerk can on the ice to break down the natu- should be free to blow small, in- Hand, and read Sea of You know what I miss most wonder over to Zehrs and buy a ral way, and feed Mother-Earth. nocent animals off the face of the Slaughter, by Farley Mowat. Or, about coming back to school? I steak, but when you shoot, bleed, I'm also quite environmentally earth for your killing pleasure. I, if your brain is too busy with just don't have time to hunt. gut, and prepare those fillets of conscious, I'm very proud to say. on the other hand, only place one complex tasks like breathing, Yeah, there's just something meat yourself, now that's living. Another one of the many benefits animal into the category of "les- watch the movie. Happy Hunting, about getting up hours before the I'm not too fond of fishing — I of hunting. ser creatures". The animal is say sayonara. crack o' dawn, dressing up in find it boring just sitting in a boat Yes, there's something that army surplus fatigues and and reeling them in - no, I much stirs the testosterone in my veins BY JAY MCCALLUM camouflage face paint, and then prefer man and rifle pitted in when I'm hunting. Could be the MENTALBLOCS going out and shooting some mortal combat against God's gun, could be the good male animals. Oh, yeah, there's no life creatures. bonding camaraderie of it, could like it. I tried using a bow once, but just be the exertion of my human Sometimes I wonder, when damn it, where just one good plug dominance over the lesser crea- I'm crouching in my bluff, if it's with my Winchester will bring tures of the earth that makes it all truly sporting to be bringing down a big buck, it takes two or so appealing, but whatever it is, I down ducks or geese or elk or three arrows to do the same thing. just plain love it. whatever happens to be in season I'm all for efficiency. Keep reading next week, at the time, if it's fair to the I am not, however, closed when I'll give you the next in- animals. I mean, here I am, minded about these things. Take stallment of this weekly column, blending in perfectly with mother this Christmas, for example. I'm in which I'll go into detail about nature, shotgun at the ready, and already booked for a good excur- my five favourite kills. And for God's little critters are complete- sion to Labrador to whack me those who were looking forward ly oblivious to the fate that's in some seals. I hear that by then to part two of Constitutional Chat store for them. they'll all be flopping about in the this week, sorry, but that prickish But then, hiding in my hut of ice just waiting to be thumped editor canned it. But Happy Hunt- sticks and stones, I think of the and skinned. ing will continue, I promise. high I get when I teach those I've been making my big seal- furry or feathery little buggers the whacking-stick all summer, so Editor's note: Evidently Hand is truth behind the old saying, when it comes time, I'll be ready. quite versed in the art of lock- sticks and stones may break your And if any of those Greenpeace picking, if not sensitive, sensible bones, but what's luring behind freaks get in my way with a commentary. The silly peck them's gonna blow your brains spray-can, they'll get a taste of managed to sneak into the offices all over that glade of birches." good solid Ontario hardwood to write this piece of trite trash. I Oh yeah. themselves. guess it's time to get explosive I know some people think And when you see me in Jan- locks on the door. Anyways, Mr. hunting's cruel and pointless, but uary, I'll be the one sporting a Hand, you've gone out on yet an- clearly these people have never good, home hunted and made, other rhetorical limb, and it's THE 6006A6V PARTI 34 Comment THE CORD —IX—*f 17, lMt On the road By Kevin Watson shower, eat, drive to school and "The Beast" is a lovely rust park, 15 minutes to get to class, coloured (originally silver) 1979 If you're like me and live off- and 30 minutes for unforeseen Impala, with large sections of red campus -- I mean way off- circumstances (which for most primer at the rear. A powerful, campus — then you've probably mornings is not enough). There- multi-coloured machine you may SHOOTINGFROM driving to school at say. it would be all THE LIP noticed that is fore I rise the unbelievable Yes, if eight The question: challenging at best. time of 6:45 am (yes this time of cylinders worked. I figure most People say that Toronto the day does actually exist). must work (albeit not in unison) What did you learn on your drivers are insane. Well, that may This is far too early for any since my weekly gas costs could be true, but K-W drivers are brain activity or coordination. In support a family of four for life. first day of school? definitely suicidal. Add this to the fact, my breakfast is limited to a I keep it neither for power nor continuous road construction glass of milk (which I usually end prestige, but for protection. Yes, J (which is always done after the up spreading on my arm) if I'm this car could demolish a trans- summer break and during the semi-conscious and had more port truck in a head on collision The shots: rush hour), and you have a very than four hours of sleep. on the 401, and not even bust a nerve-racking experience. I then walk outside to face my headlight. Believe me, you need Let me take you through a car, or "The Beast" as it is affec- all the protection you can get out typical drive to school. tionately called by my family and there (hey, sounds like a condom Since most of my classes start friends, and cursed by my commercial). at 8:30 am, 1 allow one hour to enemies. Anyway, since the mornings are getting colder "The Beast" "Books are expensive." needs at least ten minutes to warm up or it tends to stall in the middle of intersections (there go Paula Clark PINK INK First ten minutes of my unforeseen cir- year by DenyS DaivS cumstances). honours English I then pull out of the driveway Tuesday, August 29, 1992 is a day will go down in history as the and make my way to Westmount day the "fags got married". Finally, Michael Leshner won his four Road, dodging, maiming and oc- year long battle with the Ontario government for full same-sex casionally killing some of the spousal benefits. hoards of high school and grade In a 160 page ruling, the three member tribunal appointed to the school kids who seem to grow ex- Leshner case, included gay and lesbian partnerships in the marital ponentially in my area. status category of "conjugal relationship" by ordering the words "of Now that I'm on Westmount the opposite sex" stricken from the Ontario Human Rights Code. It is Road, driving should be easy. All estimated that some 79 provincial laws are affected by the ruling. I have to do is stay on this road, With this decision, all businesses which provide spousal benefits turn onto University Ave. and I'm for heterosexual employees are now required to do so for lesbian and home free. Right. gay employees. The provincial government must also extend its same Noooo way. I'm stuck behind sex family benefits [granted in 1991] to cover survivor pensions. a dump truck, two school buses, "We won everything," proclaimed Leshner in a September 1 press one city bus and a tractor, and be- conference. There is very little chance that the provincial government hind me is Mr. I'm-gonna-ride- will appeal the decision, although no official statement has been on-your-ass-to-make-you-go- made one way or the other. faster (this is strange since most Attorney-General Howard Hampton has announced in a press people tend to avoid my car release that the Ontario government would support a suit brought within a ten foot radius). Sensing "We learned to take this against the federal government by the Canadian Union of Public Em- that I am less than pleased with off." ployees aimed at changing the relevant parts of the Income Tax Act. the driver behind me, my car Many court battles which are now raging will become easier or picks a perfect time to backfire Ward Black, Third year Cord-wannabe obsolete. The only difficulty which still faces gay and lesbian partner- (my car doesn't just backfire, it Megan Jarvis, Third Department Loads O' Fun ships is the Canadian Charter of Rights. Many activists that it will sends out a fifty-foot flame Richie Rad, Third year Flintstone Flopper soon fall in line because of the changes to the Ontario Code, since burst). many of the issues concerning same-sex partnerships are covered by After incinerating the line of both charters. cars following me, a construction In the past few months, much discussion of this issue has gone on zone has suddenly sprung up in outside of the courts. The United Church of Canada is making much front of me and I find myself in progress in its deliberation to recognize same-sex unions. To date, the the lane that must merge - and British Columbia Conference has decided to recognize gay rela- fast. I speed up to pass the car in tionships this way. the lane next to me since there is It's just about time the ring I wear on my left hand began to mean no one in front of him for miles something to other people! and 20 cars behind him. This guy must have a brain tumour or something, because he begins to CEREBELLA by Ryan Feeley speed up beside me in his puny little Chevy Sprint. Since I love my life and there is a huge hole in the road fast approaching, I signal and do a quick lane chang®| crushing this man and his can with a single tire. Ten minutes then go by as I "We should buy our books earlier." wait for some high school dropout city employee to figure Evelyn Goh, Doris Lau, Rosalind Lau, Jeanne Lee, out how to operate a slow/stop sign, while his superiors finish Third year business their doughnuts and coffee. To make a long story short (and to keep from babbling any further), the remainder of my journey consists of swerving to avoid, and demolishing about 60 cars with brain dead drivers who can't figure out how to work their new turn signals. "Nothing yet. Well, I've finally made it to It was boring. Sorry." school. Damn! I scratched my primer job because of that bloody Chevy Sprint. Terry Clark Maybe I'll take the Conestoga Third year psych Expressway home tonight, it's By Eric Scholey and Andrew Dunn msocHist tattoo swop. probably safer. THE CORD laairfTjt u*tm+m 11, I—l Classifieds 35

AL | The Leisure Buddy Service is ACCKWA needs assistant Vacuums, Newer & used Filter All women are invited to join the ) to provide staff, Queen, KIRBY, Electrolux, Take Back The Night march I Tl AA A looking for volunteers 14 years of volunteers f\|T| 11 1} t\age and older to provide support volunteers and clients with RAINBOW, Tri Star Compact, protesting violence against V 1/ I I W to people with disabilities who therapeutic support, bereavement Kenmore, etc. Excellent prices women on Thursday, September counselling stress manage- $35. to 17, 7pm, Seagrams in ft if lil 1 may require assistance to partici- and starting at Come view be- drive I 11 I 1 - \ pate in leisure activities in the ment services. Experience an as- tween 9:ooam 12:00noon Waterloo Park. For more in- — community. You can make a dif- set. Gay positive with an under- 17 Schneider Ave. Kitchener,or formation or to arrange childcare, Quality word processing by Uni- ference! Call Lee Lovo at 741- standing, interest and concern call 7424490 call 571-0121. versity graduate (English). Fast, 2228 for more information. about the psycho-social issues of professional service. Spell HIV/AIDS with excellent inter- What does a $33,000 audio sys- September 25th - Final day for check/minor grammatical correc- HOMEWORK HELPERS personal and communitive skills, tem sound like? Visit Benchmark adding courses including six- tions available. Laser printer. Call NEEDED! Big Sisters requires One to two hours a week. Train- Audio's Sight & Sound Event week Physical Education courses Suzanne 886-3857 students to tutor weekly - ing provided. Call for info @ this weekend and find out. 3 which begin October 26th. elementary/high school youth 748-5556. Charles West, downtown ¥¥T 4 1 having academic difficulties: Kitchener. 571-7800. A Spring Break Trip! Canada's ' & largest student tour operator 111 M Orientation Training on Tues- ¥ \ a 111 If |f\ day. September 22, 1992. 7-9pm. -j L \ What does a $16000 CD Player wants reps. Organzie group, 111 l VI 111 To register call 743-5206 ASAP. rl f\If f\ sound like? Visit Benchmark earn cash and travel for FREE. If I Sight & Sound Event Call 1-800-263-5604. IJ ft | | | | l 11l II ■ I Waterloo NDP Riding Associa- 111 l I gfi jT this weekend and find out. 3 tion wants Laurier students inter- LI Charles West, downtown Help Wanted. Flexible hours, 15- ested in re-activating the Campus SE. ~Kitchener. 571-7800. 1 1 ~ 20 hours/wk, $6.50/hr, call 746- NDP Club and promoting the COMPUTERS- IBM's, Full sys- W#JITIJ |1 lrl M Ladder experience NDP for the next federal election, terns, new and reconditioned, 3994. OCTOBERFEST TICKETS FOR | \ ll \/\ preferred. We are also in contact with the from $475. Call Jennifer @ 747- SALE!!! Kitchener and Queens- I till If] Ontario New Democratic Youth. 111 l il 3658 mount october 9,10,16,17 (sold 1 VWVI IUIU @ Scuba Divers. Interested in join- Call Scott Piatowski 746- out events) Call 725-5744. ing WLU's soon to be created 8225, contact the NDP answering 1989 286 computer, colour VGA SVMrEvery* has ~ Good Obsession @ (7 scuba diving club where you can machine 725-4888, or write monitor, colour printer , H; Cassette Deck One d Pn ncr Thanks Cam meet other scuba divers and plan P.O. Box 601, Waterloo, N2J colours), two 3&1/2" disk drives, Nakamichi 2. I need signatures to 4A9. lots of programs, and games in- °112 ree gran d prizes at Bench- trips? your ; at 885- eluded, Paul 884-6018 mark Audio s Sight & Sound form the club. Call Dan call 1 m ProudKroua of y°vouu " Love 4472 and leave a message. Fundraisers needed for the Cana- Event this weekend. 3 Charles dian Liver Foundation Woodgraw Dinette table(no West, downtown Kitchener. 571- Volunteers to help recycle on Telemarketing and Canvassing, chairs) $30. Box of glassware Green 9 Green 9 Green 9 Thanks $$ campus this year, can help as Earn extra in a fun environ- pots & pans, misc. kitchen stuff "a for a great You guys were little as five minutes a week! Call ment. Apply in person 32 Duke $20. 10' x 18' carpeting with | I a lot of fun. See you at the Tur- St. 2nd Floor, Kitchener. Ask $200. Alisa, Environmental coordinator E., padding, (used 6 months) ■■ W T w* ret. Paul & Nikki at WLUSU (884-1360). for Jim. 10' x 10' carpeting $50. Swivel I \ 1/IJ W 1 I • ~~T 77 ~T~, Recliner $30. 2 Quartz fog lights I /1/ Ip 111 Jason, I miss you, I need you, I Male and Female volunteers Volunteer Drivers Needed: $25. 1 14' rim from '73 Firebird want von Tr>ve The Fetus lil/IiMILI Y ' urgently needed for "Friends", a ACCKWA, the AIDS Committee $10. 1 13" 4 bolt rim $10. K I vHVM school volunteer where a of Cambridge, Kitchener, Water- Daves7l-0482 program K-W Rally Club & Grand Valley TO THE ROOMMATES FROM child is paired with a volunteer, 100 and Area needs volunteer _ Car Club: Navigational Rally HELL: Mildew can't slop us, oh establishing a one-to-one rela- drivers to provide travel week- 'NEON BEER SIGNS* FOR , Serjes Nm even[ js s ber nQ u n he|| Qr hi h waKr uonship. C Kitchener 44- days to people requiring trans- SALE (Molson Canadian Rocks istration stam @ fore we Xoo much vai lum t0 7645, or Cambridge,f 740-3375. portal,on to Dr. s appointments, Guitar Fosters, Black Label, m 2 R 7 , Pizza Delighl on Hespeler stay awake; Umm... 8 months... — hospital visits etc. If you have etc...) Call Leanne 745-1095. (H wy 24) in Cambridge, can t wait! THE EVIL ONE. „ „ , R oad rGreeks & Clubs, Raise■ a Cool some free time the day, during — $15/ * $1000.00 just one week! Plus have a minimum of $1,000,000 High speed low cost fax modems, in c OrcH'H' YNIP $1000 for the member who calls! liability insurance and a reliable 14.4/14.4 Kbps, cash sale price, ITYBIIByNrP BA ZA ZiqAQ And a FREE headphone radio vehicle, you can make a dif- Canadian warranty, TGP at An Awesome Ski Trip! Organize ABH OB OPNHr^ZH vF just for calling 1-800-932-0528, ference! For more info call 748- Ontario Computer Fair, Memorial a ski trip to Mt. Saint Anne. Cash rB ZP q ZPPH' TYNr q Sunday.Sept.27 & travel FREE. Call 1-800-263- OYP^OBA.

The Cord has been looking for..you. Do you like writing? Taking photos? Or just like having a great time with wacky people? Then come up and see what The Cord is all about.

The Cord's general meeting will be held in the Turret on Friday, September 18, at 2:30 pm. See you there. IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK AT SCHOOL ' I S4. SO WE'RE CELEBRATING WITH THESE N ■ k DEALS OF THE CENTURY S % LIMITED TIME / SPECIALS 3

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