VOLUME CVI, NUMBER 22 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA APRIL 11,2005 iiiiii'iiiiMiiiiiiiii'iiiiMiiiiiiiii'iiiiMiiiiiiiii'iiiiMiii_ nts a t s, ds 0 Ilion at I 's fr s nd

6, two-game tournament will be the entire campus. Each team will hide its flag in an open, outdoor area on its side of the campus, and players on each team will run Spring is in the air; everywhere within the bounds of mischief is everywhere. Caltech campus to bring the enemy's flag has long been famous for to their side of campus and keep elaborate pranks. In 1961, the their out of hands. Rose Bowl crowd inexplicably spelled "Caltech" with colored cards. On Hollywood's 1OOth anniversary, the Hollywood sign was altered to read "CALTECH." By RACHEL YOHAY and Back in 1984, students rewired KATEKATRAN the Rose Bowl scoreboard to Editors Note: Due to time con­ show "Caltech 38, MIT 9." straints and Caltech's long-stand­ But that was all before ing tradition of not standing too our time. Modem-day pranks long, Ms. Yohay interviewed Kate have grown lame and have not Katran by email. dared reach beyond the Caltech Rachel Yohay: I'm contributing campus until now: a group of to a Tech piece on Prefrosh Week­ Caltech students have traveled to end, so I'd like to get an idea of Boston to MIT. rolllmvmg what the houses to do for/to a President the you to me or put

Sarah The covered lots ofinformation sessions. seems to love in a "Massachusetts Institute We asked each house's prefrosh representative for impressions of Attending classes is also a big think a milk is "whole- ofTechnology" banner, so that the the observations on Avery's first year hosting thing." She also mentioned that, some", and I don't want to burst it read "That Other Institute of pre:frclsh. and of the house's activities. for the first time, volunteers will their bubble. You may not want to Technology". Finally, the group guide prefrosh on to South mention anything about projectile milkshakes as the players get stay with hosts in Page House. concluded the series ofpranks Lake and vomit in the article because we with a spectacular laser light thirsty walking from hole to hole. The coach ofeach Caltech want some prefrosh to actually show set to music. Ruddock also will sports team received the names show up. For more information, be continuing from last year a ofprefrosh who had indicated log on to www.caltechvsmit.com. fun-filled aquatic event with interest in her or his sport. Each By ADAM CRAIG and water guns and water balloons, coach, in tum, told his or her GIAN MERLINO Dabney organized, water fights, and slip- current students to host these Gian Merlino, prefrosh repre­ ddock and-slides for the less violently sporty prefrosh. sentative of Lloyd House, kindly By ADAM CRAIG and By DAVID CHEN and inclined. This event will be from Page's Prefrosh took a few minute's pause from LISALLYONS 3:30 to 5 PM on Saturday, when Representative, Sarah SCOTT MEDLING his RPG discussion group to Editor's Note: Once again, in­ the blazing sun should make this Wadsworth, then matched a few Ruddock House's talk to about his impressions of ternet technology saves Techers' a popular attraction. ofthe prefrosh with Pageboys Prefrosh Representative Scott the upcoming Prefrosh Weekend toes from torturous trecking: This Medling advised the who looked like especially good Medling eagerly looks forward to and to remind us why it is such interview with Ms. Llyons, pre­ prefrosh, "They should just matches. The remaining hosts Prefrosh Weekend. To get ready an important event: "The inter­ frosh representative of Dabney, try to have fun. I think the then chose their prefrosh. Every for this annual event, Ruddock est sheets looked lame, but they occurred by email. prefrosh should get to know the host in Page received a prefrosh, plans to host two rollicking always look lame. They give very 1. From the interest sheets and upperclass because that's what and every prefrosh received a escapades. few specifics, but there were a any other information available to makes Caltech unique. The host. The first occurs on few good ones, which went into you, what opinions do you have atmosphere, the housing system Regarding events, Sarah Ruddock Greens, a mini-golf more detail. The questions on the about the current crop of pre­ that is what makes Caltech had put up a sheet soliciting course inside Ruddock. Each sheets are very generic: what mu­ frosh? different from all those other ideas, and her fellow Pageboys alley forms its own hole for sic they like, what their ideal host 1. I think the prefrosh filled out schools." offered many amusing ideas. a total oftwelve holes. This is. That's all we know about them their interest Medling noted that The first item on the list, event will last from 10 to 12 on until we meet them, and that's sheets to some extent in accor­ hosts were competing to obtain "Practice Abstinence," drew Saturday night, although each why Prefrosh Weekend is impor­ dance with their guests. He commented, "We some chuckles. Although the player's time will depend on his tant. My opinions of people after perception of what people who have far more female hosts following items were similarly or her skill and the traffic on the I meet them are often complete­ go to Caltech are like. who are excited about hosting humorous, they missed the course. ly different from the opinions I They are in for a rude awaken­ prefrosh" than the number of original purpose ofthe list. Thus, In addition, some of would have formed if I had just ing when they see that we female prefrosh available to Sarah decided that Page would the holes will have tricks and read the interest sheets." don't all listen to classical mu­ Ruddock. The hosts chose their use the traditional fun events that offer the players multiple paths. Since Mr. Merlino did not know sic and play chess and own prefrosh, first-come-first­ prefrosh enjoyed in the past. Medling explained, "We don't any ofthe prefrosh hosts in Avery, video games. Of course there make it really hard, but we make served. Friday night, Page will he offered no specific comments be offering volleyball at 8 PM was also the sporty cool ways. Last year we had a except that Avery's distance from group and the artsy group. ball go around, up a ramp, out Page and then dessert night at 9 PM. the rest of the houses might be During Dessert Night in Page, They seem rather someone's window and in the By DAVID CHEN and inconvenient for the prefrosh and a horde ofhungry prefrosh and well-rounded and I think that next room. We've had slinkies SARAH WADSWORTH that this weekend will be good students rnsh to the dinner table once they get here and that transport golfballs." practice for when freshmen begin see how nice everyone here is, Ruddock has Page House also is for delicious snacks and drinks. eagerly awaiting Prefrosh living in Avery next year. they will open up to us traditionally hosted this event The next night, This distance, however, will Weekend. An especially large more. for Prefrosh Weekend. And Page will be hosting pick-up be irrelevant during Lloyd's main fraction ofthe prefrosh with basketba~l gam~s they will be providing delicious and dul)king event, Capture the Flag. The Continued on Page 8, Column 1 a strong interest in sports will contests m which prefrosh can 2 THE CALIFORNIA TECH NEWS APRIL 11, 2005 ease 0 not remove our a m Prefrosh Weekend Rundown: Miss Tales from the Snow-Cov­ trees. P.S. Thanks for the tour." By Saturday morning, Not a Moment of Zany Revelry ered Trenches: A Techer's word ofthe pranks had pretty 6-7 Dry Bar at RIcketts much spread across campus. 8-10 PM Real Genius South Lawn ofWinnett By the afternoon, when some 9-11 Mafia/Game Night at Avery Account of Card-Readers, Caltech students waited in a 11-12 Volleyball/Basketball at Fleming truck, others were climbing Campus Cops, and Courage the dome atop Building 7, a Friday: building connected to the Infinite 7:30-9 Breakfast By ALEX SEIGEL Corridor. When the climbers 9-9:50 Financial Aid Session at BBB rm 100 were in place the truck pulled Campus Tour at Steele House Caltech has always locations. Within minutes, the into a driveway and four Caltech Student Services Fair at 1st floor ofCenter for found a fonnidable rival in its Academics fair was littered students stepped out with one Student services Eastern counterpart, MIT. Few with campus security and other hundred balloons, some filled 10 SURF at Beckman Institute Auditorium MIT students, however, feel a generally angry people. The with Helium and others air, as Campus Tour at Steele House similar rivalry. Last weekend, shirts were then distributed in the well as a 8-foot by 3-foot blimp Student Services Fair again MIT's official "campus preview Sports Fair and on Massachusetts labeled "C,I.T." in very large 11 weekend," all ofthat changed Avenue, the main street ofMIT, letters such that it could be read Tour Your Future (tour oflabs) depart from Center when sixteen Caltech students until it became necessary to flee. from far away. They simply for Student Services pulled a long chain ofpranks that All Caltech pranksters escaped marched into the center ofthe Pre-med 3rd floor ofCSS got the attention ofnearly all of before confrontation with police dome and released the balloons Paying your bill Broad, 100 the prefrosh, MIT students, and officers. "We estimate that we which floated up about one Noon campus police officers. gave away about 650 T-shirts, hundred feet to the ceiling. At the Lunch at Beckman Lawn On Wednesday evening, mostly to prefrosh," said one of same time, the climbers mounted Parent Lunch many Caltech students, with their shirt dealers. a palm tree and released a banner 2 pranks either checked or camed­ That evening and that covered up the engraving Option Roundtables on, left for Massachusetts. They later that weekend, the Caltech of"MASSACHVSETTS" Chemistry Bridge, 201 arrived Thursday morning and students placed various posters with a banner reading "THAT CS Steele, 102 began scouting out locations and stickers on bulletin boards OTHER", so that the building South lake Shopping Tour; depart from comer of and generally preparing for across the campus, so much so read "That Other Institute of Wilson and California the pranks. Some sat in front that nearly every bulletin board Technology." Also synchronized Modular Unit Tour, Holliston surface lot ofcomputers or circuit boards has a reference to Caltech in was the commencement ofthe 3 where they would remain for some way or another. Some "Ride ofthe Valkyries" which HSS at Caltech, Beckman Institue Auditorium the next three days and nights. posters were pictures ofclassic was played at least three times Shopping Tour Others began infiltrating Caltech pranks like the Rose through before being shut off. Minority Student Education Office MIT secrets while avoiding Bowl, the Hollywood Sign, and On top ofthe building, Modular Unit Tour confrontation with Hackers, the the Rose Bowl Scoreboard. The the Caltech climbers saw that 4 MIT equivalent ofpranksters, posters were mainly to get the MIT hackers had made it to Options: and with the fairly strict campus word around about the prank and the roof. A chase ensued, but Physics, bridge 201 police. The fears gradually the website, www.caltechvsmit. the Caltech students narrowly Math, sloan 151 faded as prank after prank was com. escaped. The palm tree was EAS, Kerckoff 119 met with no immediately taken down, Thriving at Caltech: Inside/outside classroom; arrests and few but the banner lasted at least Beckman institute auditorium confrontations. another fifteen minutes before Campus tour it was removed. It was quickly 7-9 Prefrosh Concert at Dabney LUIUHJ;~I;;; The Caltech repainted and put back over 8-9 Volleyball at Page Massachusetts such that it pranksters Robinson Telescope, :Saturn "ic>nT1lno- (Robinson had prepared read "The Only Institute of Bldg one thousand Technology." The blimp lasted 9-10 Dessert Night at Page T-shirts that over ten more hours until they 9-11 Avery House Party read "MIT" were finally removed by two 9-midniglit open in authentic balloons and some very strong 11-12 Deconstruction--Project college font on tape. The 75 orange balloons Midnight Hockey at Lloya the front, but will remain until enough Helium on the back leaks out. Meanwhile, in an MIT Saturday: they read "... lab on campus, the final touches 8 breakfast at Avery Because not were being finished for the last 9-12 modular unit tours everyone can prank. 9-9:50 athletics open house at Braun go to Caltech" In the lab a low power 9-noon Huntington library; depart at CSS complete with green laser was mounted and 10-11 a small palm programmed to be able to spell Einstein papers, 363 S. tree. They wer out letters. Once it was dark the Athletics at Braun packaged in laser was turned on and began 11 Caltech Wired Presentations in Winnett a plastic bag displaying "C-A-L-T-E-C-H" 11-12 Cross Cultural Session at Gugg 101 such that only All the Rage Back East: one letter at a time. The letters Noon-l:15 StudentlParent/Host picmc at Broad MIT could be students marvel at the latest California import. were shined onto the top of 1:30-3:20 JPL, Cassini; at Braun the Green Building, the tallest read on the front. The original The MIT students 3:30-5 building on campus. It was Water fun at Ath lawn plan was to distribute them tried to continue their preview quickly seen from far away by after the President's talk, but weekend nonnally, as ifnothing 4 square tourney at Ricketts many students and MIT hackers. 3:30-7 one Caltech scout attended the had happened, which meant The hackers attempted to locate talk and left early to find us, "It that "Tangerine Tours" were on Tie dye Party at Dabney the beam, which they eventually 3:30-5 was so boring. And there must for that evening. The Tangerine did after about thirty minutes. have only been forty prefrosh," Tour is when MIT students with Club Fair at Olive Walk The Campus Police were sent out nd said the scout. They decided hacking experience take prefrosh 4:30-5:20 Top 10 Q.s Women ask about Caltech;CSS, 2 everywhere such that it began floor that ifwe were to pass out a around to the buildings and to interfere with MIT's own good portion oftheir thousand through locked areas mostly to 5:30-7:30 BBQ at Broad Lawn prefrosh plans and so a truce was 7-9 One Act Plays, SFL Ampitheater shirts, they would need to find a impress them. Due to excellent called and the lasers were shut better place to do so. Someone scouting, the Caltech pranksters 8-10 Casino night at Fleming offthus ending Caltech's long 9-12 meet at Lloyd noticed three simultaneous fairs had managed to find the "Tomb chain ofpranks in yet another in the preview weekend master ofthe Unknown Tool", a secret success. Basketball games schedule and they explored the location on MIT where all hacks dunking contest at Page The California One ofCaltech's largest Caltech 40-58, Pasadena, CA 91125 sites ofthe fairs a few hours are signed by those behind them. pranks in its history could 10-midnight Ruddock editorial desk: (626) 395-6153 before they were set to take They left a palm tree and a brief minigolf advertising desk: (626) 395-6154 hardly have ended better. The editorial e-mail: [email protected] place. Concluding that the best note explaining their identity as Caltech pranksters talked with 11-12 Twister Night at solution was to simply pull up Caltech students in the Tomb. a great deal ofMIT hackers Avery VOLUME CVI, NUMBER 22 behind the Academics fair in a Two ofthe Caltech pranksters and students. Most ofthem suburban wearing the new T- who had snuck in and pretended Adam Craig Vi Tuong Tran greatly enjoyed the pranks, Managing Editor Business Manager shirts with jackets covering the to be prefrosh on a Tangerine though a few were slightly backside for authenticity, the Tour leading through the tomb, upset. The Caltech students Robert Morell pranksters quickly carried nine noticed the tour guide's attempt assured them that no hann Circulation boxes ofT-shirts through an to hide the palm trees. "When was intended and asked that The Tech is published weekly except during open loading dock, bypassing they shined the light high on the they or anyone else interested vacation aud examination periods by the As­ the card-readers necessary for wall to show where people sign sociated Students of the California Institute should go to www.caltechvsmit. of Technology, Inc. The opinions expressed all prefrosh, students, and even their pranks, they quickly moved com for more details including herein are strictly tbose of the authors and parents located at the front the light away and continued. It rules, color photos and a more advertisers. entrance. said 'Caltech' on the wall." That Letters and submissions are welcome; e­ detailed description ofexactly mail submissions to [email protected] as None ofthe neighboring evening, a few Caltech students what occurred throughout the plain-text attachments, including the author's booths paid any attention as the found their way up to the large name. by Friday of the week before publica­ weekend. The MIT hackers tion. Sorry the Tech does not accept anony­ Caltech students passed out over MIT dome, the most-pranked were also encouraged to "hack" mous contributions. The editors reserve the 400 T-shirts to prefrosh within building on MIT's campus right to edit and abridge all submissions for Caltech in retaliation, and it is any reason. All written work remains property the next twenty minutes before where they placed four, 5-foot expected that they will do so as of its author. someone opened the package. tall, inflatable palm trees. Later The advertising deadline is five p.m. Friday; soon as possible. Until then the alladvertising should be submitted electroni­ When the first prefrosh put his that evening, two other Caltech scoreboard ofsuccessful pranks, cally or as camera-ready art, but the Tech can shirt on, however, the Caltech students snuck back into the also do simple typesetting and arrangement. found on the Caltech vs MIT All advertising inquiries should be directed students grabbed the leftover Tomb ofthe Unknown Tool and website, will remain at Caltech-6 to the business manager at business@tech. shirts and bolted out the fire put another palm tree where the caltech.edu. For subscription infonnation, to MIT-I. please send mail to "Subscriptions." escape and moves on to other old one was, this time reading: THE CALIFORNIA TECH COMMENTARY APRIL 11, 2005 3 of personal fulfillment students have near-perfect or responsibility, such as or even 4.0+ GPAs. Desfite all the 0 11 refrosh, visiting other countries or advice that could offer helping their parents run a "Research? What research? you, the most im£ortant business. Caltech does not will result in a good grade. I've never even gotten a thing for you to 0 is By MENG-MENG FU try to push you out the door SURF!" to ima~ine fi:0urself at with a diploma just so our Ifyour SURF Caltec .T ink ofhow you You have "I'm lUc~ ifI get more stats looK better. undoubtedly met your than four ours ofsleep per proposal receives a would handle the course prefrosh host, your host's That said; most rejection, then you just load; whether you would night." people §raduate m four ~ply havin~ roommate, that weird guy While some people again. According to sacnfice a social life years. orne people aro~s1tdirect~r of for a better GP or could from across the hall, and a do not need as mucli graduate after ten or eleven innumerable other people sleep, I cannot function the S 0 ce, thIS year reasonably balance both. to offer their o~inions terms; lots ofseniors about 80% ofstudents who Do not come here because coherently without at least anticipate an easy senior applied received a SURF. your parents told you to or on Caltech. 0 ten, the five hours. Now that I am a year 5ecause they are most radical views, such junior, I can reasonably get In addition, on average this is the best place I got as, "Caltech is as suter- Gone with most oftheir 60% ofgraduating Techers into. But do come because seven hours on a weeKday requirements. The key is have completed a SURF. you like the peogle and the duper fun as Disne(,' and!" n~ht. I have had m share planning. Your high school or, "Caltech is hell." o all-nighters, but have So chances are, ifyou want environment an would not have the most vociferous r counselor will not tell you to do research over the mind being here for four always caufht up on sleep what classes to take, so you summer, you will definitely years. proponents. Take all those on the wee ends. And, must make sure you are comments and mine with as cliche as it may sound, get to do It here. a grain ofsalt. But just to taking all ofyour re~l!ired Back in the days how much sleep you get classes. However, un Ike "It's im.Qossible to have a when I was a prefrosh, we make them a little more depends on how e~fectively big state schools, Caltech decipherable, here is your U)U manage your tIme. social hfe." heard that the Admissions fact or fiction guide to facilitates this by almost I read online that Office never makes ainly, do not wait to start never caKping enrollment, Yale students have naked mistakes, and, having Caltech: bOur sets until the night especial y not for required efore they are due. parties; we do not have served on the Freshmen "Caltech is HARD!" classes. those. Nevertheless, you Admissions Committee, Do not expect to can always find something I know that, ifwe have "Sure you can graduate ... "Caltech destroys your to do. Houses hold social acce~ted you, several plug and chug your way in five to six years." GPA." through the material. pe~le activities nearly every peop e must have thought Some take Professors do amazin~. EXp'e~t lots of.thinkin!, extra time to gra uate; it week. Eve~ house has a you were You did denvm~ not inflate our tirades, huge inter- ouse party at not slip through t e cracks. provmg, an does not mean that they but~ou alr-pulh~. can sti do well least once a year. Even You are smart enough to be maybe Do not are slackers or that they ~09d expect the bee~ ootban intelli~ent. by eveloping as Caltech students, here; you have the aRtitude, are less Most study habIts an time we understand that it is the dnve and hoperu ly the players to pad t e curve for often, people ecide to take management skills. Even you, but do expect th~t hard some time offfor reasons imli0rtant to have balance, pa;ssion. What you do with work and understandmg here at Caltech, some to ave fun once in awhile. It IS up to you.

etter By ADAM CRAIG I hereby apologize for once again sending the Tech out late. Although I finaly have a working knowledge ofthe layout software, the final drafts of several articles did not arrive until Saturday night or even Sunday afternoon. Furthermore, a sudden dearth of students' polemics about how atrocious life is at Caltech has left our commentary pages a mint­ strewn desert. Only time will tell whether responsibility lies with long-term improvements in stu­ dent life, such as higher tuition, modular housing, and more ran­ dom sculptures around campus, or with excitment over the arrival of another shipment of delicious prefrosh. In either case, I take this space now to thank our advertiser: With­ out you, very little of this would be possible. Please send complaints to [email protected].

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By ADAM CRAIG THE CALIFORNIA TECH COMMENTARY APRIL 11, 2005 5

00-Time Finals can Gargle my 00 ! Zomfg! !!111 0 Jeffrey Phillips Every few terms, around exam satisfaction, and tum in his blue cepts. Itlets them break when they If it is true that all y'all really, truly can be writing in ways that there time, I talk with someone who book content with the knowledge want. It allows them to research are that are egregiously better than the way that this person who I am is must endure the most severe that he has done his best and his to their hearts' content. But these "writing" (right here, right now, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! I), then the publication burden a gentle Techer can bear. confederates will act similarly. excuses treat the students' time as that we like to think that we call the Kalifornia Teq could, like, totally NeitherACM 95, nor flaming out, But this is Tech, and the few rea­ an infinite commodity. During be written for be some people. And, maybe, I guess, people who really nor being CRaCked or BoC'd, nor sonable people are under constant the exam crunch, time is what we are people who are you. even being dumped by the only threat from those trolls to whom, Techers most desperately lack. Please send submissions as single-spaced plain text files and JPEGs girlfriend he will ever have at this in the name of a few more points, A firm time guideline, a reason­ to [email protected]. Please leave only one space between sen­ god- and girl-forsaken hell of an unlimited time is a license to able allowance for breaks and, as tences and type in standard American English. institute can match the anguish of neglect sleep, food, all forms of necessary, a generous overtime First drafts of features and opinion pieces on ongoing topics are due an unlimited time final. I first ex­ social interaction and bathing, policy are in all cases better than Wednsday of the week before publication. Final drafts are due Thurs­ perienced this particularly twisted which, while not sufficient for, is no deadline at all. Exams should day. First drafts of articles pertaining to events of the week of publica­ torture in CS 1 my frosh year. a necessary precursor to that inter­ not be twelve hour, multiple-day tion are due on the Thursday of that week. Final drafts are due Friday, Faced with the prospect of draw­ action. [My editor notes this last endurance tests. Techers should unless the editor grants an extension due to the nature of the event. ing more environment diagrams point does not necessarily apply feel guilty for that ninth hour they and slapping together more code to citizens of France nor mem­ spend on their three hour final; than I would in two weeks' worth bers of Dabney Hovse. H()w(~v<~r. make them write their time down of problem sets, I rushed tI1nJuj2~n in these exceptions, so that the TAs, the profs and, my other finals and I spent three be a social interaction unto most importantly, the students before collapsing in these trolls shift the themselves realize just how much on the deadline curve far that the afore- time went into each of those trivi­ I am a no longer. mentioned reasonable al problems, to use a prof's favor­ do not take issue with must likewise troll away or ite word. final research papers, final proj­ No one can stop students ects, presentations, or anything of Aside from matters of from studying to unhealthy ex­ that ilk. Profs have good reason poor hygiene, sleep deprivation tremes before a test, but good test to leave the timing of these to and student moral in general, un­ writing can help: an exam that the students' discretion. They in­ limited time finals also infringe rewards reading every book on a volve tasks that take a highly vari­ on professional courtesy. When a subject is not a test ofcomprehen­ able amount of time, from several prof hands out an unlimited time sion but a regurgitation. The de­ hours to several days and that final, (s)he usually says some­ tails of proper test writing exceed students can do most effectively thing like, "Don't spend too long the scope of this column, but giv­ by splitting them across multiple on this. I could do it in about two ing students unlimited time after work periods: building a device, hours, so just use your intuition." they see the exam to read through gathering references, researching What this actually means is, "Fuck every book on the subject is not a topic and coordinating the ef­ your other finals and their pathet­ appropriate. Profs, don't give forts of several people. Rather, I ic time constraints; you may try us that option; students, revolt rail against the unlimited time fi­ in vain to squeeze them into exam against it. When your prof passes nal, which a profs hands out dur­ week, but know now that your out the syllabus and mentions an ing finals week for each student mind and soul belong to my class unlimited time final, tell that prof to solve alone, rationalizing that, for an inadequately specified, that three or four hours in Purga­ since each problem is about as unlimited, quite possibly infinite tory is better than unlimited time hard as an entire problem set and span of time." If profs said what in the Inferno, even with Virgil. the final counts for a large chunk they meant, someone might have If (s)he has not read Dante, skip ofeach student's grade, giving no the guts to reply honestly: "That's the allegories and tell him his fi­ time constraint constitutes an act ridiculous; get bent!" nite class, no matter how infinite of mercy. Profs and students alike its importance in his own mind, A reasonable person argue that unlimited time puts has no right to an indefinite por­ would simply work through the students under less time pressure, tion of your exam period. problems at his leisure, to his so they can work through the con- 6 THE CALIFORNIA TECH COMMENTARY APRIL 11, 2005 qualified students are encouraged application forms: h.ttp://www.Key. related disciplines are eligible. Stu­ Hall. This will be a night of tra­ to apply. Our office is located in com/educate. dents must obtain a DEED member ditional American old time music. the Center for Student Services M/ The 2005 Olive W. Garvey Fel­ sponsor for their student research Mary plays clawhammer banjo and C 11 0-87. Please see our website lowships are now available. This grant or internship. Applications mountain dulcimer and has won nu­ for more information: www.finaid. fellowship, available to both gradu­ are accepted January 15 and July merous contests and awards in the Caltech Ballroom Semiformal caltech.edu/news.html ate and undergraduate students, is 15 each year. For more information Southeast. The mother of Caltech When: Sat. April 16th, general awarded based on the best essay visit: http://www.appanet.org/res student, Sidney Cox, she plays solo dancing starts 9pm Sallie Mae Fund applications on the topic: "The great aim of the and in accompaniment with Bob on Where: Dabney Lounge on are now available for four different struggle for liberty has been equal­ The Minerals, Metals &. Mate­ guitar. Student tickets are $5 and Caltech campus scholarships. These scholarships ity before the law." The deadline is rials Society "TMS" offers a vari­ available from the Caltech ticket What: Ballroom, latin, and swing are available to low income and mi­ May 1, 2005. For further informa­ ety of scholarships. The deadline to office, 395-4652. dancing; great music and refresh­ nority students to increase access to tion visit: http://www.independent. apply is May 1, 2005. To preview ments higher education. Please visit their org/students/garvey scholarship eligibility information TACIT Auditions Cost: free! website for requirements, deadlines visit: www.tms.org/Students/Award­ All members ofthe Caltech Com­ Dress to impress! and application forms: http://www. American Public PowerAssoci­ sPrograms/Scholarships.html munity are invited to audition for the salliemaefund.org. ation "APPA" has DEED Student TACIT production ofMurder in the Research Grants and Internships The Excellence in 3D Anima­ Cathedral by T. S. Eliot. Auditions Scholarships Key Bank's Take 5 Scholarship available. Each year up to ten, tion Award is a $1,000 cash gift will be held in Dabney Lounge on The Financial Aid Office has ap­ is now available. There are five $4,000 student research grants and awarded quarterly by Troy Stu­ Tue., Apr. 19,8:00-10:00 p.m. and plications and/or information on $5000 scholarships available from internships are awarded to students dios to encourage students to pur­ Sat., Apr. 23, 2:30-5:30 p.m. See the following as well as additional February to June 2005. Please visit conducting research on an energy­ sue Graphics Arts and Animation. http://tacit.caltech.edu/audition. undergraduate scholarships. All their website for requirements and related project. Students in energy- Award winners are chosen based on html for related information as it their entries in a contest. The contest becomes available. The play will is open to all students ofall nations, be performed during fall term on regardless of field ofstudy. To enter three consecutive weekends begin­ the contest, students should down­ ning Nov. 4. load free software from the www. animoids.com website. Women's Center Events Please visit their website for Limited times slots available! more detailed information. There Chair Massage, April 12th, 3- are four quarterly deadlines each 5pm, Women's Center year (Feb 28, May 31, Aug 31, and Please email wcenter@studaff. Nov 30) caltech.edu to sign-up. 3-4pm HOW CAN I CREATE A TRY GIVING FREE rf students only, 4-5pm open. The MARKETING CAMPAIGN SAMPLES TO PEOPLE ::3 AND DONALD Educaid is offering their "Dou­ Women's Center is pleased to be WHO LOOK LIKE ~ IF MY 13055 DOESN'T YOU TRUMP. bleTake" Sweepstakes. Win two able to provide complimentary GIVE ME ANY CELEBRITIES. GIVE ME WOULD $2,500 scholarships - One for you chair massages every other Tues­ RESOURCES? BE? SOME FREE ~ STUFF. and one for your school. Applica­ day afternoon. This service is open ) tions are available in the Financial to students, staff and faculty-both ( Aid Office, or on Educaid's web­ women and men. We hope that this site: https://www.educaid.com/dou­ is a time for you to relax and rest, bletake as well as an opportunity to meet our staff and learn more about the If you are a college student, Center. Because of limited time who is interested in becoming a slots available, we ask that partici­ naval officer when you graduate, pants do not sign up for consecu­ MY MARKETING PLAN § ~ you could apply for the Baccalau­ tive weeks. Instead we will ask that INVOLVED GIVING FREE l THE FACT THAT IT IN CONCLUSION. WORKED CAUSED A ~ reate Degree Completion Program you place your name on a waitlist SAMPLES OF OUR CRUDDY @ THERE'S A FINE (BDCP). This program pays future and you will be notified a few days PRODUCT TO CELE BRITY ~ STEEP DECLINE IN a.....; LINE BETWEEN MY RESPECT FOR naval officers a monthly salary in advance if there are open slots. LOOKALIKES. I ~ MARKETING AND THE INTELLIGENCE HATING. while they are still attending col­ This way we can allow newcomers ~ OF PEOPLE. g lege. Qualified technical majors can a chance to experience the relax­ 5ALE5 E I ! ) receive a salary of approximately ation of chair massage. ~ ~ ~ $1,500 per month for up to 3 years ~ ~ ~ ~ prior to graduation and qualified Women and War non-technical majors can receive Date: Thursday, April 14, 2005 F.:;::=:::~ this salary for up to 2 years prior to Time: 12-1pm i e i graduation. Additional information Location: Women's Center =====E~::::=====~~~~~~ is available at: www.navy.com. Interwoven with gripping foot- age from recent conflicts in the ALICE, YOU ARE & THAT'S A SCAM TO rf I'LL BE DISPLAY­ The National Council ofJewish Middle East, Bosnia, northern LOOKING AT THE g CONVINCE GULLIBLE ::3 ING YOU LESS NEWEST MEMBER ~ ~ WomenILos Angeles provides a Uganda, and South Africa, this film ~ PROMINENTLY OF "THE WORLD'S INTERNS TO BUY ';i variety of scholarships year-round captures women's personal experi­ GREATEST ~NTERNS." ill OVERPRICED WALL c_.... THAN WE HAD \ "PLAQUES. cd DISCUSSED. for women, regardless of religious ences of military violence, explains belief or ethnic background, who how they survived and reflects on i ) .... ::i1 reside in Los Angeles County. The their growing resistance to war. Co­ organization focuses on each appli­ sponsored with the Caltech Y. NO I cant's dedication to her chosen path RSVP required! ~ and her financial need. Applica­ " tions are available in the Financial 21- 101 Aid Office. For more information 12-1pm visit: www.ncjwla.org/. Location: Women's Center lo­ E cated in room 265 of the Center for OUR MARKETING PLAN ~ THE HARD PART WAS HOW DO YOU FEEL o rf The Air Force Reserve Officer Student WAS TO FIND A SPORTS FINDING A TEAM 50 ::3 ABOUT THE NEW ~ Training Corps (AFROTC) offers Services. STADIUM TO BRAND JUICED UP THAT OUR STADIUM WITH OUR COMPANY'S REPUTATION SEEMED NAME? RAGE. SAME 2 year to 3.5 year scholarships in all Things are constantly changing NAME. GOOD IN COMPARISON. .\ AS ALWAYS. majors. The scholarships are gener­ in the world ofmedicine as technol­ I ...J ally capped at $15,000 per academ­ ogy advances, as new research is ) ic year towards tuition and fees, conducted, and as cures are discov­ with an annual book allowance of ered. Join Pamela Paine, Registered $480 and $200/month stipend dur­ Nurse from the Alessandro Clinic, ing the school year. Full-time stu­ as she refreshes our memory on the dent status, AFROTC program in­ basics and details advancements in volvement, and a minimum of 2.5 the field of gynecology: from new cumulative GPA is required to be tests and things you should be ask­ E:=:======:""=====::::::::g* eligible. For more information visit ing your doctor about, to sexually CAROL. I DECIDED ~ THE FOOD IS 50 GOOD ~ www.afrotc.com transmitted infections and personal WHILE WE'RE GONE, .. THAT IT'S ALMOST ::3 responsibilities. Informative for TO TAKE THE ENTIRE @ INTOXICATING. WHEN ~ YOU'LL NEED TO STAFF OUT TO A FIVE- ~ PAIRED WITH THE RIGHT ~ ANSWER EVERYONE'S Folk Music women ofall ages! RSVP required! STAR RESTAURANT =,,; WINE. THE EXPERIENCE _g PHONE. On Saturday, April 13, at 8:00 To sign-up please call ext. 3221 or FOR LUNCH. - IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFE- PM, Mary Z. Cox and her hus­ emailto:[email protected]. TIME SENSATI N. band, Bob, will perform in Dabney edu "

THAT WOULD THE POLICE SAY MEAN YOU'RE I'M THE VICTIM WEARING A OF IDENTITY STRANGER'S THEFT. UNDERPANTS. ) THE CALIFORNIA TECH NEWS APRIL 11, 2005 7 Baltimore Taps sing Loh as First Generator ecelves Alumna Commencement Speaker nergy tar war By JILL PERRY performs music for film, has cre­ The last is based on Loh's solo ated some traffic-stopping per­ off-Broadway show that ran at PASADENA, Calif.- Writer/ formance art, and has written for Second Stage Theatre in New By MARK WHEELER performer/musician/humorist the New York Times, Elle, Harp­ York in summer 1996. She re­ PASADENA, Calif. - The great example for other facilities Sandra Tsing Loh will be the er's Bazaar, and Vogue. turned to Second Stage for Bad Caltech community can take across the nation." guest speaker at the IIIth annual Loh has a national monthly Sex With Bud Kemp, another comfort in knowing that the fuel Caltech's CHP system can California Institute of Technol­ radio commentary on the public solo show, in 1998. Loh has also used to generate electricity is boast an efficiency of 73 percent, ogy commencement ceremony radio business program Market­ been featured at the U.S. Com­ spent wisely and is environmen­ which means that the system uses at 10 a.m., June 10, on Beckman place. She has been a regular edy Arts Festival in Aspen, and tally friendly. approximately 30 percent less Mall on the Pasadena campus. commentator on NPR's Morning the HBO New Writers Project. That's what the Combined Heat fuel than equivalent separate heat Loh is a graduate of Caltech, Edition and on Ira Glass's This She composed and performed and Power (CHP) Partnership, a and power systems. where she received a bachelor's American Life. She also does a on the score for Jessica Yu's division of the Environmental The Institute's aging 6 mega­ degree in physics in 1983 and weekly commentary, The Loh 1997 Oscar-winning documen­ Protection Agency (EPA), con­ watt CHP system was replaced where she was awarded the In­ Life, that has aired in Southern tary Breathing Lessons: The Life cluded last month when it be­ in 2003 with a highly efficient, stitute's highest honor bestowed California on KPCC 89.3 FM and Work of Mark O'Brien, and stowed, on behalf of the EPA and natural-gas-burning 12.5 mega­ upon alumni, the Distinguished since 2004. She came to KPCC scored Yu's documentary about the Department of Energy, the watt system that not only reduces Alumni Award, in 200 I. after the accidental airing of a the Living Museum on HBO. 2004 Energy Star CHP Award to polluting emissions by 15 percent "We are pleased that Sandra profanity that she expected would Loh also has appeared on tour Caltech. but is also able to generate up is the first alumna to give the be cut by her recording engineer in Aliens in America, her darkly "Through the recovery of oth­ to 90 percent of the energy con­ Caltech commencement ad­ in a commentary on KCRW radio comic semi-autobiographical erwise waste heat for campus sumed on campus. dress," said Caltech president in Santa Monica. She was fired tale of growing up middle-class cooling and heating, Caltech has The new system will help the David Baltimore. "She will no by the station management, and Chinese-German in Southern demonstrated leadership in en­ City ofPasadena avoid the dread­ doubt bring a refreshing sense the resulting flurry of media cov­ California. ergy use and management," the ed rolling blackouts and brown­ of humor and unique perspective erage kept the story in the public Loh began her career in the award's announcement letter outs California has seen in prior to the ceremony. As a graduate eye for several months. Although mid-1980s as a performance read. "Caltech's CHP system is a years. of the Institute she can relate to the station offered to rehire her, artist. Her piano concert "spec­ Afterschool Program Needs the great accomplishments of she chose to work at KPCC in­ tacles" was covered by People Renting big Rooms Temple City Graduate Student To Teach Math our students when they reach this stead. magazine, the Wall Street Jour­ 550/mo- I year lease move in ASA milestone. The talent and perse­ Apropos of that experience, nal, GQ, Glamour, the Associ­ From April 30th Females preferred, non-smokers, include verance that helped her graduate she acted in a recent stage perfor­ ated Press, CNN, and even in 3:30-6:30 MON-FRI utilities, laundry, whole house, quiet from Caltech has obviously held mance, Fired, a series of comic Johnny Carson's Tonight Show $20+/HOUR Health Insurance available. neighborhood, nice big backyard, pool Contact 626 232-3480 her in good stead in her diverse monologues about losing a job, monologue. Nearly 1,000 people Annie 626) 712-4770 after 7pm and successful career." at the Skirball Cultural Center attended "Night of the Grunion" in Los Angeles. (March 1989), in which Loh and It is being pro­ the Topanga Symphony played duced by L.A. a concerto for spawning fish on Theater Works a Malibu beach at midnight. In and will air on "Self Promotion" (March 1988), National Public an assistant flung $1,000 in auto­ Radio at a later graphed $1 bills over her as she date. performed before a stampeding Loh has also crowd. "Spontaneous Demo­ been a solo graphics" (September 1987) fea­ performer and tured Loh playing a piano aboard writer. Her lat­ a flatbed truck in a concert for est one-woman rush hour commuters on the Har­ show was Sugar bor Freeway in Los Angeles. Plum Fairy, per­ Loh's family has been asso­ formed in Los ciated with Caltech for many Angeles, San years. Her father, Eugene Loh, Jose, and Seattle earned a master's degree in in 2004. She physics in 1953 and a PhD in also performed mechanical engineering in 1954, I Worry at the and her brother Eugene received Kennedy Cen­ a bachelor's degree in physics in ter. She recently 1980. was named a "Caltech is a wonderfully contributing ed­ unique academic institution Only ONE candidate has the relevant professional Courtesy of Caltech Public Relations itor to the Atlan­ whose legacy, aside from out­ Sandra Tsing Loh is a regular on NPR's Morn­ tic Monthly. standing achievement in science, experience and training to make an immediate positive ing Edition and a Caltech Alumnus. She is the au- is a rich cultural history with impact in our public schools...Scott Phelps! thor ofthe books more than its share of quirks and In her profession, Loh has A Year in Van Nuys, Depth Takes surprises ... and I intend my Experience offered insightful radio com­ a Holiday: Essays from Lesser comments to fully reflect that," ./ A veteran of fifteen years of teaching in the PUSD mentary locally and nationally, Los Angeles, Aliens in America, said Loh. has written and performed one­ and IfYou Lived Here, You'd Be ./ A Pasadena Rotary Club Teacher of Excellence woman shows, composes and Home By Now. ./ Caltech Graduate ./ Former Director of the Science, Engineering and Technology Academy at Muir High School, which places students in science-related internships with local businesses while in high school ./ Faculty advisor to new teachers at Claremont Graduate University ./ Teacher training program evaluator in the statewide California Math & Science Partnership program ./ A parent with a three-year-old son and another child on the way, both headed for a new PUSD! Beliefs ./ Support innovation and choice in public schools by giving school sites more decision-making power ./ Support assistance and intervention for low-performing schools before they reach state audit and intervention levels ./ Concerned about PUSD's management of Measure Y taxpayer-supported improvements. I've seen the frustration of teachers, parents and students with the long delays at Long­ fellow, Noyes, Altadena, Washington, Muir and Sierra Madre ./ Support much stronger truancy enforcement. The increased attendance incentive income will help PUSD cover infrastructure investments

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Bring this off'r to "«iv,,,. FREE LARGE SODA WITH PURCHASE OFANY 8 THE CALIFORNIA TECH NEWS APRIL 11, 2005 Continued/rom Page 1, Column 5 were e ones w 0 were a erglC ecause t ey can e p roa en 2. What observations do you to cats, because Avery does not students' views and provide have about Avery's first allow cats. arvat much-needed diversity to our time hosting 3. Craig: What is Ricketts campus. Ideally, everyone could prefrosh? House planning for the prefrosh? find a club with whom to share 2. Avery is behaving like every Ghiri: We will have mock TND her or his interests. other house. They with virgin drinks, open micro­ Parvathy feels that would like to have fun and ex­ phone night, and a four-square bringing students together citing people in their tournament. through clubs is only one house just we do in ours. of many ways the BoD will By MAYRA H. SHEIKH 3. What events is Dabney House help unite students during planning for Prefrosh Weekend? Parvathy Menon, a Caltech has an amazing the renovations ofthe South 3. All that we have planned is By RACHEL YOHAY and freshman E & AS major and number ofclubs for its size, Houses and, eventually, the tye-die for Saturday NIHADAS member ofboth Fleming and one ofthe characteristics that North Houses. She encourages from 3:30 to 7:00. Editor's Note: Ms. Yohay did Lloyd Houses, is also the originally attracted Parvathy other students to maintain house not send in her half of the inter­ ambitious new ASCIT secretary. to Caltech. She maintains that traditions and house culture view, so the Ages have forever We, the students, have elected the enthusiasm and passion for even in the midst ofupheaval lost the wisdom it contained. her not only to take minutes myriad and various hobbies, from traditional housing. She By ADAM CRAIG and and hold elections but also to from meat eating to juggling, feels the current IHC chair, GINOGHIRI Niha Das: For prefrosh week­ organize, approve and distribute that she encountered at Club Fair Peter Foley, will do a "great job Friday, April 8th, approximate­ end, Fleming will be hosting Ca­ funds to Caltech's numerous during prefrosh weekend helped holding us together" through the ly 0300: Gino Ghiri, prefrosh sino Night. We invite people to clubs, for which the BoD persuade her that Caltech was renovation process. All students representative of Ricketts House, come over and enjoy some black­ recently made the office of more than a math and science and RAs should help efforts to obligingly answered some ques­ jack, craps, roulette, and texas Secretary responsible. school. A member ofan a keep school and house culture tions about his outlook on the hold 'em...we'll also be serving Parvathy plans to Capella group, Fluid Dynamics, intact according to Parvathy. She coming collision: shakes. continue the meticulous she understands the commitment hopes upperclassmen live in the Editor's Note: We have taken compilation ofBoD meeting necessary to keep a club running. modular housing or at least visit the liberty of translating this in­ minutes and online cataloging As the ASCIT member in charge and hang out there to instruct terview into English from the that the previous secretary, ofprovided funding for clubs new freshman, who must live original drunken ramblings. DAVID CHEN and Corinna Zygourakis, and approving the formation of there, about house traditions. 1. Craig: What impression do ,:,aJ"anWADSWORTH demonstrated and strengthening new clubs, she will be looking We as students you have of this new crop of pre­ House will be Caltech's clubs by improving for dedication amongst those should show at prE:frc)sh frosh? offering a few events during upon the resource allotment and applying for funding. to Ghiri: 1 used my best judge­ Prefrosh Weekend. Thursday organization system that Kelly Though Caltech has disagreement over the decision to ment in chosing most of them night from 9 to 11 will be Mafia Lin helped put in place. Parvathy great clubs ofall sorts, Parvathy let Avery in rotation acccording to the qualities they and Game Night. Avery will also wants to take an active part in would like to see clubs that bring and house since the time noted on their interest sheets, but be offering a party from [9-11 the decision making processes the campus community together, for squabbling has passed, some of them might not fit in here -> nine to eleven] on Friday. that impact student life at clubs that have events open to Dc"·"",t",, says, "We should all [in Ricketts House]. Most of the Finally, Saturday will be Twister Caltech, which is why she ran for non-members, just to be able be supportive." Avery should responses were generic: interest Night. Sarah Wadsworth noted, an ASCIT office as a freshman, to share interests and educate get the chance to show further in the weather, research, math­ "Avery is trying to be really and, as Secretary, she will get her people about a topic or craft. She development ofhouse culture, ematIc:s, and science. creative." chance. also likes culture-oriented clubs, for it may to be the 8th 2. How do you feel Editor's Note: Since Avery fine house. should about first year House's prefrosh representative adhere Rotation rules was not available for comment, and the iml)Orltan(~C the way to discover what ofa house as a social mcldcap, Tarin:tin()-esqlJe shenani- a

2. Galen requests for Senior Prank.

Vote: 6-0-0 (approved) 3. Boris requests $500 for Lloyd interhouse party. played).

Vote: 6-0-0 (approved). Important Dates

4. Warner brings up Yuri's party a party held off-campus to 13. StaffAppreciation awards to be done Thursday night before celebrate Yuri Gagarin's flight into space! In previous years, ASCIT th PreFrosh weekend (April 14 ) at 9pm. has helped out undergrads who want to attend with a $3 subsidy (so students pay only $12). After very lively discussion, ASCIT has 14. Club budget meeting - Sunday April 17th (Sunday ofPrefrosh th decided that we'll make a deal with the party-holders: ASCIT will weekend). Paperwork due the Thursday before (April 14 ). Fliers to subsidize $5/student (up to 50 students) and the students will pay $5 be posted within the next few days register your club! each to get in to the party! Yee-ah-ya. 15. Planning to hold ASCIT Budget meeting on Saturday after rd Other Business: PreFrosh weekend (April 23 ) 10 am, tentatively at Mannion's.

5. Social Director Dima introduces his sEx Comm - Lisa Lyons, 16. Future ASCIT meetings to be held on Thursdays at 5pm... to an Rocky Velez, Chris Gonzales. Promises to be an awe-inspiring and Olive Walk near you. all around marvelous team. Das right. th Also PreFrosh are coming Thursday, April 14 • Everyone should 6. Meng-Meng requests discussion ofbudget for SFC. let them into your hearts and bear-hug at least 7 ofthem. Squash a Prefrosh... with love. © 7. Warner wants to do teacher awards after budget meeting is done. Meeting adjourned 12:55 PM. 8. Meng-meng reminds BoD that appointments ofvarious committee members needs to be done in May. Forevah Yours,

9. Warner notifies BoD that changes to ByLaws and Resolutions need Parvathy Menon to be done early in order to have the changes included in the Honor Code handbook sent to PreFrosh. Woohoo, Honor Code handbook!! The California Tech 10. Dima is working on ASCIT formal- booking a venue, deciding Caltech 40-58 on final ticket price (right now, range is $25-35/person), etc. Pasadena, CA 91125 11. Athletic BBQ this Saturday to honor all campus event, fliers will be going up this week.

12. Dima reports on several other upcoming activities that Social Team is trying to put together.

-Mannion sponsoring a Star Wars night for Caltech where he books a theatre on opening night for the third Star Wars!

-Happy Hour planned for May 6th from 4-6pm in RF Courtyard to be followed by a NonAlcoholic-Dancing-Event in Winnett Center.