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Highly Vulnerable to Addiction

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Highly Vulnerable to Addiction Guys’ Posts About Adolescent Porn Use (2011-12) 21 year old. Porn addict. My background leading to my story: I found out about porn when I was about 10 years old. I started masturbating around 9. Although I knew about porn, I always masturbated without it. Mostly because I didn‘t have access to it. By 12, I got a porn magazine from my cousin. I occasionally masturbated to it, but I would say that 90% of the time, I would masturbate without it. At the age of 13, I started to masturbate to porn more often[ about 5 times a month], but because I had a girlfriend [which lasted until I was 15] it still wasn‘t a lot. I would usually make out with my gf, we would feel each other up and I would masturbate later. After my girlfriend and I broke up, I started to masturbate to porn more frequently. At this point, I would say I masturbated to porn about 10 times a month. But I would still masturbate without it at the same rate. The duration of each masturbation session was between 15-25 minutes. It started going downhill fast at the age of 18. I had easy access to porn and a lot of time alone at home. I went from masturbating around 5 times a week, 50% of the time with porn, to 7-10 times a week, 95% of the time with porn. My masturbation sessions increased to about 35-45 minutes at this time. Occasionally, I would give myself a 2-4 day break because my erections started getting weaker. I thought this was because I was overdoing it. After the break, my erections were strong again and I continued on. When I turned 20. I had no idea what was going on anymore. I questioned if I was addicted to porn. I started masturbating 10-14 times a week, 99% of the time to porn. My masturbation sessions lasted about 2-4 HOURS at this point. If I tried masturbating without it, it would take me 20 minutes to even get an erection. I even started having trouble getting erections to porn. I would take my 2-4 day break, come back and have trouble getting it up. I started freaking out thinking I have ED and I started googling a bunch of stuff and couldn‘t find much. So I continued masturbating because at least I was EVENTUALLY able to get an erection. This is where it gets weird. One day I was browsing through videos, trying to find a good scene to get me hard. I click on what seemed to be a girl-on-girl video, but soon found out that it was actually tranny porn. I was just about to exit out of it because I‘m straight and it grossed me the hell out. The thing is, I got hard. This confused me so much, because the thought of trannys before made me go soft. Now suddenly I'm going hard? I really started freaking out because I questioned whether or not I was really straight, and if the reason why I‘m not getting hard anymore is because I‘m not attracted to women. After googling this for about 2 hours, I found that a lot of straight men supposedly watch and masturbate to tranny porn. They also said this happened to them out of the blue. This made me feel a little better. So what I started doing was I used the tranny porn to get me hard so I can move on to the heterosexual porn where I‘d finish. Without realizing, I was soon even watching a bunch of other taboo or more extreme 1 porn that I never would have even considered watching a couple of years ago. I started feeling disgusting after I was done masturbating because I couldn‘t believe I let myself get to this point. I just couldn‘t stop myself. [Update 3 months later] I can‘t remember exactly how long I went without watching porn or masturbating, but it was over 3 weeks. I did relapse though. Badly. I think the cause was two things. Because of the personal things I had going on, I feel like I needed an escape to get my mind off of them. Friends worked, but I was still home alone in my room at the end of the day. This was also around the time I got a new computer.. so I didn‘t have any filters. So… you guys know where this is going. The first time I M to P, I did notice a difference in my erection though. It was extremely hard and after I ejaculated, it stayed hard for 1-2 minutes. This hasn‘t happened in YEARS. That‘s probably the worst thing that could have happened though. If it was a sluggish erection and it didn‘t feel good, I might have snapped back into it and got back on track. But, I got cocky and kept it going. After that first time, I did it again half hour later. Then I went into a downward spiral. When I went back to PMO, still pictures of hot naked woman got me hard. That hasn‘t happened in a while either. Then slowly, I went back to the videos of solo girls… then it escalated back to where I was when I first realized I had a problem back in May. I still kept going back to porn even though I knew what it was doing to me. [ May be some triggers from here on out] Now… this is where it got bad. 4 days ago… I was with a girl that I‘ve had a crush on for a while. She is beautiful… I mean, gorgeous. Great body too. Well… She was at my house and we were making out… I started getting a semi. It was about 30%, but not where it should have been. I usually get 100% when I make out with hot girls. Especially ones I like. She noticed the semi and reached down and grabbed my crotch. Mentally, I was on fire. I wanted to F her so bad. By my dick was dead. That 30% started going down to about 10% hard. She took off my pants and started giving me a HJ to get it hard… nothing was happening. Completely flaccid. Bisexual, addicted to porn? Need advice? Okay so I'm 17 (male) and have a bunch of stuff I need to talk about. I'll mention two topics: porn first, then sexuality. Sorry for the walls of text, and you should probably prepare yourself for some graphic sexual fantasies near the end.. I just need to get all of this off my chest and get other peoples' opinions. I know I have a porn addiction. When I was around the age of 10 my older cousin asked me if I'd ever seen porn - that was all he asked, he didn't explain it or show me it. I've always been pretty smart and observant, and I can still remember searching and finding porn for the first time (just because I'd heard the word and 2 wanted to know what my cousin meant). Since this is around 7 years ago, my memory isn't the best, but I remember seeing BDSM (in particular a sexy brunette in a bondage scene lol..). Right now, I'm aroused by: straight, gay/lesbian and transsexual/shemale/cross-dress porn, ALL forms of BDSM, submission/domination, rough/rape scenarios, too many fetishes to count. There is definitely more that I just can't think of right now. When I was 10, I saw BDSM and other hardcore porn and was obviously surprised, shocked and grossed out by it. So from a young age I just watched and masturbated to straight porn. But as I grew up, I masturbated more often, and the content gradually became more extreme. It's to the point where I'm turned on by all of the above, and masturbate every day, sometimes if I'm horny 2 or 3 times a day. This has never been a problem, and I've simply gotten the mentality that "all teenage guys wank heaps" (my friends do it just as much, if not more than me). But it's taking up heaps of my time, and I've started using porn as a distraction to avoid doing homework, study, and other stuff.. I want to become a lawyer, and grades are very important to me. So when it's late at night, I've just wanked for the second time and avoided doing any study, I get pissed off at myself. I've got over 35 GB's of downloaded porn, and a few months ago (during exams) I considered just deleting all of it, thinking it would be better for me in the long run. But I've got a massive internet and it would be incredibly easy to get it all back again. Plus, a part of me is fine with porn - even though I'm turned on by some messed up kinds of porn, I know that I would never act on anything that was wrong. I'm educated, ethical - I've learned about rape, domestic violence, etc in legal studies at school (in preparation for law degree), it ruins lives and is sickening and I would never participate in anything like it. And there is a big difference between being aroused by porn/fantasies, and actually doing the act itself.
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