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1990 I think I Might be Pamphlet

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Recommended Citation "I think I Might be Gay Pamphlet" (1990). The Committee to Eliminate Heterosexism and Homophobia. Paper 182. https://digitalcommons.uri.edu/cmte-eliminate/182https://digitalcommons.uri.edu/cmte-eliminate/182

This Pamphlet is brought to you for free and open access by the Gender and Sexuality Center at DigitalCommons@URI. It has been accepted for inclusion in The ommittC ee to Eliminate Heterosexism and Homophobia by an authorized administrator of DigitalCommons@URI. For more information, please contact [email protected]. • Toll-free Hotlines I think I might You may want to call a hotline to speak to someone about being gay. You may want to be gay . .. call from a phone booth for privacy The people at the hotline will let you talk about your feelings, and will direct you to organiza­ tions that help gay people There may even be a gay youth group in your area.

These hotline numbers are accurate as of ;\ugust 1990 and are toll-free from anywhere in the United States. Hotlines sometimes This brochure was written by Kevin Cran­ change If these don't work, try looking in a ston and Cooper Thompson with help from phone book. Most major cities have a lesbian members of BAGLY, Boston Alliance of Gay and gay hotline and Lesbian Youth, Inc

r,Jational Lesbian and Gay Hotline: Produced and distributed by The Cam­ 1-800-SOS-GA YS paign to End Homophobia. The Campaign is a network of people who work to end homo­ ,'iational AIDS Hotline: 1-800-342-AIDS phobia through information sharing and education which celebrates diversity, pro­ National Runaway Switchboard: motes love and support, and provides alterna­ 1-800-621 -4000 tives to oppression

Rather than distributing pamphlets in bulk we provide single, camera-ready copies so that users can customize, reproduce and dis­ • • .now what do tribute the pamphlets in whatever way is most effective for them. We ask for a contribution I do? • local Gay Organizations of $25 from organizations and $1 0 from indi­ viduals for camera-ready copy and permis-­ ,~heck the white pages of your telephone sion to reprint the pamphlets for young lesbi­ ~ok under "gay" or "lesbian" Especially ans and young ·Took for hotlines, counseling agencies and A Brochure for Young Men youth groups. Write to us at The Campaign to End Homo­ phobia, P 0. Box 819, Cambridge, MA 02139, I niormation for gay youth and voung men for copies of both pamphlets and information questioning their sexuality about the Campaign and other resources we distribute

printed on recycled paper • What does it mean to be • How do I know if I'm gay? Boys with truly gay feelings find that, over time, their attractions to boys and men get gay? "I don't remember exactlv when I first more and more clearly focused ..You may find Men who cal I themselves gay are sexually knew that I was gay, but I do remember that yourself falling in love with your classmates attracted to and fall in love with other men. the thought of sex with men always excited or maybe developing a crush on a particular 11 Tneir sexual feelings toward men are normal me adult man You may find these experiences pleasurable, troubling, or a mix of the two ..By and natural for them. These feelings emerge Alan, age 19 when they are boys and the feelings continue age 16 or 17 many gay kids start thinking into adulthood Although some gay men may about what to call themselves, while others also be attracted to women, they usually say "I never had any real attraction towards prefer to wait that their feelings for men are stronger and women, but I really knew that I was gav If you think you might be gay, ask yourself: more important to them when puberty began. I felt an attraction toward the other boys and I was curious to • When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it We know that about one out of ten people find out what thev were like " about boys or girls? in the world is gay or lesbian (lesbians are women who are attracted to other women) James, 1 7 • Have I ever had a crush or been in love This means that in any large group of people, with a boy or a man? there are usually several gay people present ,:owever. you cannot tell if someone is gay or "One day I was flipping through a maga­ • Do I feei different than other guys? zine, there was a cute guy, and bam I I not unless he or she wants you to know ..Gay knew." • Are my feelings for boys and men true people blend right in with other people But and clear? they often feel different from other people Antonio, age 16 If you cannot answer these questions now, Gay teenagers may not be able to specify don't worry You will be more sure in time just why they feel different All of the guys You may not know what to call your sexual You and onlv vou know how to label yourself they know seem to be attracted to girls, so feelings You don t have to rush and decide correctly they don't know where they fit in. And, they how to label yourself right now Our sexual may not feel comfortable talking with an adult identities develop over time ..Most adolescent about their feelings boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty (usually between 11 and 1 5 • Learning to like yourself years old), when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in new ways "I had to re1ect a lot of negative hetero­ Your sexual feelings may be so strong that sexual and religious programming that they are not directed toward particular per­ made me feel lousy about myself as a gay sons or situations, but seem to emerge with­ person I began to like myself by meeting out cause. As you get older you will figure out other gay people and going to a gay support who you are really attracted to group After that I was content with myself "

Bill, age 18

I ~ book for the Samaritans or another hotline There are alternatives to denying your very valuable feelings Check out the resources listed on the back of this brochure. "My aunt is a lesbian, and she made it The first step in is to tell your­ clear to me, before I even knew I was gay, self that you are gay and say, "That's OK " :hat being gay was OK." Later you may want to tell someone else - someone you trust to be understanding and Antonio, age 16 • Who should I tell? sympathetic You might choose a friend or an "I only tell other people that I'm gay if I've adult You will probably want to meet other "! accepted the facts, which means that I known them for a long time and if they are gay kids for friendship or a more intimak Jon't deny being gay and I don't pretend to accepting and tolerant I think it's important relationship. Some gay kids are able to come be someone I'm not" that they know about this special part of out to their families. You need to decide me." whether or not to tell your family, and to Alan, 19 choose the right time. Lots of people, includ­ Bill, age 18 ing parents, simply don't understand gay It's not easy to discover that vou are rrav ' 0 ' people and are difficult to come out to In the Our society makes it very clear what it thinks beginning, be cautious about whom to tell )r gay people .. We all hear the terrible jokes, "Since I'm normal, I don't have to hide hov. I feel But you should make sure that vou :~e hurtiul stereotypes and the wrong ideas But it is crucial to be honest with yourself are comfortable with your preference :hat circulate about gay people .. People tend Just as self-denial costs you, coming out pays before vou blurt it out to just anyone." rn hate or fear what they don't off Most kids who accept their sexuality say understand.Some people hate gay lesbians Nathan, age 19 they feel calmer, happier and more confident 1nd gay men. Many people are uncomfort- 1ble being around lesbians and gay men. "I tell people that I'm gav ii I know that the, 'No matter what people say, vou are it's no wonder that you might choose to won't reject me. will accept me for what I normal. Cod created you, and you were 1ide your gayieelings from others ..You might am, and won't try to 'straighten' me out I made ,n this image If you are non-reli­ even be tempted to hide them from yourself test them, I suppose, then I judge if I want gious, vou were born and you have a to risk telling them " purpose, and being gay is only part or it." You may wonder if you are normal Per­ iaps you worry about people finding out John, age 17 Nathan, age 19 ,bout you .. Maybe you avoid other kids who night be gay because of what people will nink Working this hard to conceal your More and more gay kids are learning to fee! "Stand up for what you believe in, and :;,oughts and feelings is called being in the better about themselves As you start to I isten don't listen to what hatemongers have to :ioset It is a painful and lonely place to be, to your deepest feelings and learn more about say; its only so much hot air Stay proud 2ven if you stay there in order to survive. what it means to be gay you will begin to be and confident!" comfortable with your sexuality This is the John, age 17 lt takes a lot of energy to deny your feel­ process called coming out ngs, and it can be costly. You may have tried ~sing alcohol or other drugs to numb yourself ,gai nst these thoughts ..You may have consid­ =red suicide. If so, please consult the phone • Will I ever have sex? adult" section of the library .. Librarians are usually glad to help If the librarian can't help Naturally, you think about finding an out­ you, try the "Gay" section of a large book­ ietforyoursexual feelings. Becoming a healthy store If that doesn't help, you might want to sexual person is part of the coming out proc­ Here's how to reduce your risk of getting order books and other materials through the ess You may be scared at the prospect of AIDS: maiL If you're not having any luck at all, try having sex. This is normal for everyone .. No calling one of the hotlines listed below or one should start having sex until they are • Do not shoot up drugs. Sharing needles is looking for a local gay organization ready. Until then, you may choose to mastur­ the most dangerous behavior in terms oi bate or fantasize. getting AIDS One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth, ed Ann Heron, Alyson Publi­ Sex should only happen between mature • Avoid anal intercourse or other direct cations, 40 Plympton Street, Boston, MA individuals who care about each other You anal contact. Anal intercourse transmits 02118 (1983) will know when the time is right the virus very efficiently. If you do engage in anal sex, use a condom every time. Bevond Acceotance: Parent, of Lesbian anc We all choose to have sex in different Gav Children Talk About Their Experiences, wavs, whether we are gay or straight Gay • Use condoms whenever you engage in Griffin, Wirth and Wirth, Prentice-Hall, 1986 rnen choose from a wide range oi sexual anal or oral sex (or vaginal sex if you have practices including masturbation leither alone sex with women). You should choose Looking at Gav and Lesbian Life, Warren or with another person), oral sex anal inter•· latex condoms that are fresh and undam­ Blumenield and Diane Raymond Beacon course, kissing, hugging, massage,wrestling, aged .. Store them away from heat (your Press (1988) holding hands, cuddling or anvthing else that wallet is not a good place to keep them) How To Be a Happv Homosexual, Terry San­ appeals to both partners You are in complete Use a condom only once Try to choose derson, Alyson Publications!l 990) This book control over what vou do sexuallv and with condoms with "reservoir tips", and be is published in England but is distributed b, whom sure to squeeze out the air from the tip as Alyson you put it on. Hold on to the condom as you remove your penis; sometimes they Tales of the Closet, (comic books about being slip off after sex. gay), Ivan Velez, Hetrick-Martin Institute ior • What about AIDS? the Protection of Lesbian and Gay Youth, 401 • or choose sexual activities that do not West Street, New York, NY10014 All sexually active people need to be aware involve intercourse: hugging, kissing, oi AIDS as well as other sexually transmitted talking, massaging, wrestling or mastur­ diseases Being gay does not give you AIDS, bating (on unbroken skin) but certain sexual practices and certain drug use behaviors can put you at risk for catching the virus that causes AIDS AIDS is incurable, but is preventable • Books

The fol lowing books can give you additional information about being gay. Some of these books may be in your public library .. If you feel comfortable, askthe I ibrarian in the "young • Toll-free Hotlines I think I might You may want to call a hotline to speak to someone about being a lesbian. You may want to be a lesbian .. cal I irom a phone booth for privacy The people at tne hotline will let you talk aboutyourieelings, and will direct you to organizations that help lesbians .. There mav even be a lesbian youth group in your Jrea. The hotline numbers are accurate as oi August , 990 and are toll-ireeirom anywhere in the United States Hotlines sometimes change If these don't work. trv looking in a phone book. Most major cities have a lesbian and gav hotline

'.ational Lesbian and Gav Hotline: This brochure \\3S written bv iammv Tammi 1-800--SOS-GA YS Terry!e Camelia ,v\ichel!e. Natalie Rebecca and Sarah ,nembers oi OUTRIGHT the Portland '.ational \IDS Hotline: 1-800--342-AIDS ·'v\aine Alliance or' !_esbian and Ga\, 'Youth with he!p from Diane their advisor '

/✓ When I was voung / always wanted to 1 nere s no 'r·ight" way or ·,wrong" way to be ~ ·-:iw up and five with m_vbest girlfriend and • Am I normal? · · ,t feeling never changed as i got older a lesbian. Because oi society's stereotypes about 'We're it's perverted or Tammy, age ·1i" told that sic.~.or lesbians that we ve all grown up with, you might s1nrul. or abnormal. But the people who tell us think you have to be a certain way if you're a that are the same ones who say that women "When we're rea/lv young, we have crushes oeiong ,n the kitchen. and that Black people lesbian. But lesbians come in all shapes and 11 girls, but then we're supposed to grow out are ,nfenor, and that handicapped people are sizes, irom all occupations, and with all levels oi ·r ,t We're supposed read books about oow to useless Who's to sav what's norrnal? Some education :: -i meets boy and boy meets girl Well l'd people think eating '"aw ;"ishis normal, and Your sexual orientatiC?n is only one part or ··=ver finish those books." other people think i(s disgusting and abnor­ who you are. You probably have hobbies and Terrvle, age i 6 mal Interests that are the same as your straight friends Terrvie age i 6 a large bookstore. If that doesn't help, you might fingers into your partner's vagina or ass, es­ pecially if you have tiny cuts or rashes on want to order books and other materials through your hands. It can help to say to yourself every day, "l'm a the mail. If you're not having any luck at all, try • And all the other wonderful things that lesbi-• lesbian and I'm OK" And try to find someone to calling one of the hotlines listed below or looking ans do together talk to who also believes that lesbians are OK ior a local gay or lesbian organization. Remember: it's normal and natural to be a les­ bian, just like it's normal and natural for some One Teenager in Ten: Writings bv Gav and Les­ • How do we learn to like people to be heterosexual bian Youth, ed. Ann Heron, Alyson Publications, ourselves? 40 Plympton St Boston, MA 02118 (1983) • How can I meet other The New Our Bodies. Ourselves, Boston's "lt'.s important that we don't deny our ieelings. Women's Health Book Collective, Simon & If we be who we truly want to be in our hearts, we lesbians? :an be surprised at how happy we can be And we Schuster, Inc. (1984) Contains a great chapter on should think a lot about all our positive ooints, 'There are many lesbians around you, but vou lesbian life and relationships and being a lesbian is verv positive " · don't know they're lesbians, just as they don't Lesbian Connection, a monthlv newsletter avail­ Rebecca, age 16 know that you're a lesbian Don't lose hope able irom Helen Diner Memorial Women s Cen­ You'll eventually meet some " ter Ambitious Amazons, P O Box 811 EastLan-­ "It helps me to interact with people who make Sarah, age 19 ne feel happ, and good about myseff And I try to sing, Michigan 48826 do things I feel good about aoing. •· • Make contact with local feminist organiza­ Our Rightto Love: A Lesbian Resource Booked Sarah age 19 tions like the National Organization for Ginn~ Vida, Prentice--Hall, Inc (1978) Women INOW) All people have a right to iee! good about This Bridee Called Mv Back: Writings bv Radical • Many colleges and universities have rhemselves We're all valuable human beings Women of Color. eds Cherrie Moraga and Glo­ campus gay, lesbian, and feminist organiza­ 0eveloping self-esteem is very important for ria Anzaldua, Kitchen Table: Women oi Color tions voung people It's hard for gay and lesbian youth Press PO Box 908, Latham, Nev.. York 12110- • Check vour phone book for a local hotline to feel good about ourselves because al I around 0908 (1981) and askfor the gav and lesbianorganizations :1s are people who believe that we re sick, or in your area There might even be a gay; Lesbian Sex, by JoAnn Loulan, Spinsters/Aunt oerverted, or destined to live very unhappy lives lesbian youth group in your area Lute, P O Box 41 0687, San Francisco, CA 94141 When we feel like we have to hide who we • Look for a gay/lesbian or feminist newspa­ 11984) c2ally are, it can make us feel like hurting our-­ per in vour area Check local bookstores selves, like through alcohol. drugs, or suicide We Nice lewish Girls: A Lesbian Anthologv, ed Eve-• health food ;tores, and gay bars ior copies may feel very isolated, fearful, and depressed, lyn Tartan Beck, The Crossing Press (1982) • Contact the resources listed on the back of especially if we've had no one to talk to about the this brochure Lookine at Gav and Lesbian Life Warren iact that we're lesbians Blumenfeld and Diane Raymond, Beacon Press More and more, we, as young lesbians, are (1988) :earning to like who we are. It helps to read good • Books :Oooksabout lesbians- books that have accurate Being Lesbian, Lorraine Trenchard, Alyson Pub­ information in them and that are written about The following books can give you additional lications (1990). This book is published in Eng•· lesbians who are leading very fulfilling lives .. It information about being a lesbian. Some of these land but is distributed by Alyson.. aiso helps to meet other lesbians becausethen we books may be in your public library. If you feel Tales of the Closet (comic books about being a iind out that lesbians are as diverse as any other comfortable, ask the librarian in the "young lesbiani, Ivan Velez, Hetrick-Martin Institute ior group of people and that we've been told a lot of adult" section of the library Librarians are usu-­ the Protection of Lesbian and Gay Youth, 401 : ies by our society. al Iv alad to helo If the librarian can't help you, . 0 . . West Street. New York, NY 10014. try the ''Lesbian," 'Gay," or "Women' ;ection or since sliced bread. It's hard to know who can handle the information and give you support Because of homophobia and prejudice, some Some friends may accept you .. Same may turn about the relationship And it's important to talk people don't accept lesbians and gay men away from you or tell other people without your about whether we're at risk for HIV, the virus that Lesbians and gay men suffer from discrimination permission. Telling family can be very difficult is thought to cause AIDS, or other sexually trans­ and violence. That's why there are many gay and Some families are very supportive .. But some mitted diseases, like herpes. lesbian organizations that work for gay and les­ lesbian and gay youth have been kicked out oi There are many ways that lesbians can be bian civil rights. their homes when their parents found out sexual with each other. We can give each other Maybe there's a guidance counselor or social pleasure by holding, kissing, hugging, stroking, "Once I accepted myself and my sexuality, I worker in your school or in a local youth or stimulating each others genitals with our iound that I became more involved in Me with tongues and hands, inserting our fingers into my friends because I was more comfortable with counseling agency that you can trust It's impor­ myself~ tant to have someone to talk to because it's not each other's vaginas, rubbing our bodies to-­ Tammi, age 18 normal or health, ior young people to have to gether to stimulate each other, and anything else "I feel down and depressed a iot because or keep secret such an important part oi their lives we want to do. We can use our imaginations! the homophobia that I'm constantly up against, but then I realize that I have the power to educate other members of my generation." • What about sex? • Do I have to worry about Tammy, age 17 AIDS? "First! would ask mvself ii I felt read,, Then I would talk to part~er to see if she felt m, All oi us should know about HIV, the virus • Who should l tell? readv When you decide to have sex, it feels good when vou ve made the nght decision believed to be the cause of AIDS - how it's 'You shouldn't feel pressured to tell anyone Only you can knov. when it is and isn't right transmitted and how we can prevent ourselves at all until you are comfortable with the idea or for you to have sex.,. from becoming infected You and your partner being a lesbian yourself Be prepared that Tammi age 18 should discuss your risk iactors for HIV infection people's reactions will vary" and decide what if any, sarer sex methods you Tammi. age 18 #Ju.stbecause you re turned on to someone should use doesn't mean vou're ready to have sex You have "Only tell someone if you feel you have to ieel emotionallv ready .. It's important that the Lesbians who are at risk are those who: enough support to face what may happen Try two people talk about what they like and don't to tell someone if you think you can't deal like. No one shouid have to do something they • Share needles if using IV drugs. with these feelings alone anymore If you think don't want to do There's no need to rush things • Have vaginal intercourse with men without your family might Hip out, tell someone who It'll come in time " using condoms. tit's fairly common ior might be more impartial • Terrvle, age 16 young lesbians to occasionally have sexual Sarah, age 1 9 contact with men I Deciding whether or not to be sexual with • Have oral sex with an infected woman with­ "When I told a couple of my friends, told I someone is a big decision.. You may feel very out the use of a barrier to protect against them I was no different now than I was five scared at the thought of having sex with another infected vaginal secretions or menstrual minutes beiore I told them, except that now I woman That's OK Lots of us do, especially if it's wasn't keeping a big secret from them• blood. our first time. Terryle, age 16 Saier sex for lesbians includes: Women aren't encouraged in our society to • Use of a dental dam for oral-vaginal and talk openly about sex, but it's important that we Coming out is the process of accepting your­ oral-anal stimulation A dental dam is a communicate about what we like and don't like self as a lesbian and figuring out haw open you piece of latex about 5 inches square de­ to do sexually, whether we feel ready to have sex want ta be about your signed for use in dental surgery. They are or not, and different expectations we may have Unfortunately, not everyone you know will available at dental or medical supply stores.. think that being a lesbian is the greatest thing • Use of surgical gloves when sticking your