Hobbit man Awesome Alps How to build a house Kings of the Hill How Homo floresiensis The Outdoor Club’s summer Imperial students visit The Cross Country Club start rewrites human history, page 3 expedition, page 10 El Salvador, page 12 their season, page 24

The student newspaper of Imperial College ● Established 1949 ● Issue 1304 ● Thursday 4 November 2004 ● www.felixonline.co.uk

Ball boom Over 500 students attended a successful Freshers Ball last Varsity match to be expanded Friday. uNEWS page 2 Dangerous drinks “There still remains a lot of into festival of sport confusion and misinforma- tion about what happens in By Dave Edwards PHOTO: IAN GILLETT an attack and what happens Editor if you are unfortunate enough to have your drink spiked.” Next term’s Varsity match, uCO MMENT page 6 already one of the most pres- tigious events in Imperial Eastern experience College sport, is set for expan- Felix Arts enjoys a feast of sion. Under new proposals, Russian music at the Royal eight matches will be played Festival Hall. in one day across three differ- uARTS page 18 ent sports to celebrate friend- ly rivalry, good sportsmanship Not Neverland and enjoyment of the game. “Suffice to say that the plot Since 2003, the annual was predictable and the Varsity match has seen characters were about as Imperial Medicals Rugby interesting as the Sherfield Football Club take on Building.” Imperial College Union Rugby uFILM page 19 Football Club for the JPR Williams Cup. The cup is Frisbee fun named after former Wales full Imperial College’s Ultimate back and St Mary’s old boy Frisbee team, the Disc John Peter Rhys Williams, Doctors, took part in a begin- who made 55 appearances for ners’ tournament in Hyde his country during a success- Park. ful career. uSPORT page 22 The event was originally conceived to promote friendly rivalry and good sportsman- ship between the two sides, whilst also celebrating the high standard of rugby they can produce. In February this year, the match was played at Richmond in front of over 800 students, staff and guests. The Medicals triumphed 43–19 to retain the cup after winning the inaugural compe- tition 12–0. The 2005 JPR Williams The Disc Doctors Cup match will take place An Imperial Medicals player holds the trophy aloft following the 2004 Varsity Match as JPR Williams (front left) at Richmond on Wednesday looks on. In 2005, eight matches are set to take place across three different sports in an expanded competition 16 February. Under the new THIS WEEK plans, there will be seven yet, but this could change in sense of identity for sport at the rivalry between the two neously, with supporters free News page 2 other ‘Varsity matches’ future years as the Varsity Imperial.” sides without any ill feeling.” to walk between pitches and Science page 3 on the same day, played at match day could be expanded The proposals were revealed Supporters will be able the bar, enjoying whichever Comment page 6 Harlington, each putting an still further. to Felix by Morten Olesen, to purchase tickets either sport they choose. Around Campus page 8 Imperial College team up Richard Walker, Deputy vice chairman of Imperial for the whole day or just for Later, supporters and par- Ca reers page 9 against the School of Medicine. President (Clubs and College Union’s Athletic Clubs the JPR Williams Cup. Prices ticipants alike will be driven What’s On page 14 The other teams involved will Societies) of Imperial College Committee, who said: “It’s will depend on sponsorship to Richmond for the JPR be the men’s rugby second Union, told Felix: “It’s a fan- such a good way to promote but should lie in the region Williams Cup match, before page 16 Nightlife and third teams, the men’s tastic idea. By expanding of £5. returning to Imperial College Arts page 18 hockey first and second the Varsity match to more Coaches will leave South Union, where presentations Books page 19 teams, the women’s hockey sports, we will attract more “...a better sense Kensington and Charing will be made. There will be Film page 19 first team, and the men’s foot- people to play sport and to of identity for Cross Hospital for Harlington a points system in place Coffee Break page 20 ball first and second teams. spectate. This will bring peo- early in the afternoon. Hockey, throughout the day, with a Sport page 22 For logistical reasons, other ple together and promote a sport at Imperial” football and rugby matches special award presented to sports cannot be included as greater interest and a better will take place there simulta- the overall winning team. Felix 2 Thursday 4 November 2004

NEWS

Issue 1304 Over 500

Editor students Dave Edwards

Business Editor attend Numaan Chaudhry

Science Editor successful Darius Nikbin Freshers Music Editor Andrew Sykes Ball Nightlife Editor Simon Clark By Dave Edwards Editor Arts Editor Paola Smith A total of around 530 stu- dents attended last Friday’s Books Editor Freshers Ball, held jointly by Martin Smith the City and Guilds College Union and the Faculty of Film Editor Physical Sciences Students’ Alan Ng Union. Careers Editors Dinner was enjoyed by Cassandra Aldrich engineering students in the Gabriella Silvestri Main Dining Hall and physi- cal sciences students in Sub Editors the Senior Common Room. Zaina Nobeebux Entertainment on the Stephen Spain Queen’s Lawn included live jazz, a casino, a bar and a Felix scalextric track. Beit Quad Ticket sales for the ball were Prince Consort Road initially slow, leading to fears London SW7 2BB over its viability. Previous large-scale balls have suf- Telephone: 020 7594 8072 fered heavy losses. However, Email: [email protected] in the week leading up to the Web: www.felixonline.co.uk event, tickets for engineer- ing students were completely Registered newspaper sold out, due in part to the ISSN 1040-0711 sterling work of Guilds offic- Copyright © Felix 2004 ers in traditional dress. After the ball, Martin Chong, Printed by Sharman and the Honorary Secretary of Company, Peterborough the City and Guilds College Union, who played a key role in organising the event, immediately made his feel- ings known by resigning from his position. New Bill to create nation of gamblers? Reading the newspapers so you don’t have to: Emily Gwyer looks at some of the week’s biggest national news stories

Given that I’m writing this ate 80,000 new jobs without as well, arguing that it will being seriously faulty. before Tuesday, you can a significant increase in the be a tax on the poor. Others Which brings us nicely onto understand that I’m not par- numbers of gambling addicts, argue that, like the lottery, the other big story of the ticularly keen to talk about but it is interesting that those it is not a tax on the rich or week – the news that Iraqi the American presidential papers that usually shout the poor so much as on the civilian deaths are nearer election and end up as wrong the loudest about interfering stupid. 100,000 than the 10,000 previ- as the Evening Standard ‘nanny state’ legislation are The Gambling Bill was ously spoken about. This was (with their famous ‘It’s Gore’ suddenly the ones asking the read for the second time in picked up in a big way, as headline) was last time. The government to protect us. Parliament this week and it would be, by the anti-war election has been far and The Mail spoke about a poll was passed, but only after Independent, who reported away the biggest story of the which showed Britons were a large rebellion by Labour that half of the dead were last week, and with Tony Blair ‘overwhelmingly’ against the backbenchers who were women and children. The away signing the European new bill; but for those of us only won over after conces- report estimating the number Constitution, domestic news who read the poll results, this sions from Tessa Jowell, the of deaths was published in has been pretty slow. So what was a surprising conclusion. Culture Secretary, including a The Lancet last week and have the papers been talking The Telegraph was more possible cap on the number of was studiously ignored by the about? even-handed, reporting that super-casinos allowed nation- leaders on both sides of the The Daily Mail was get- 59% of Britons believe ‘adults wide. Expect further trouble Atlantic. ting pretty exercised, in a way should be treated as grown and many more concessions The newspapers were that only it can, about gam- ups and allowed to choose on this Bill before it is settled reduced to quoting Claire bling, even setting up a ‘Kill their leisure pursuits’ and not one way or the other. Short on the issue. No mat- the Bill’ petition on its web- just that 70% thought there The Sun had a good week ter how much sense she site. The Mail was not alone would be an increase in gam- too, with the astonishing dis- may be making, she isn’t – Guardian and Independent bling addiction as a result of covery of ‘Victoria Barkham’ exactly representative of the columnists came out against the plans. – a Labrador that, with the aid Government on this particu- the bill to legalise super-casi- The Archbishop of of a wig, looks exactly like the lar subject. nos as well – but Mail writers Canterbury also spoke out, former Spice Girl. They also We may, we hope, have some are the only ones able to do it saying the casinos would lead found time to get outraged action – or at the very least with such vigour. Many news- to a ‘downward spin’ in parts on behalf of ‘our boys’ in Iraq, some mindless platitudes papers were dubious about of society. Some Labour back- with the news that they have – on this after the American A straight flush... but is it legal? Columnists and politicians the government’s claims that benchers, in particular Frank to buy their own kit due to the election. Until then, it’s too are divided over the legalisation of super-casinos the new casinos would cre- Dobson, were against the bill stuff they are supplied with dangerous to mention. Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 3

Science [email protected] Discovery of ‘hobbit’ man confounds experts Andya Primanda reports on the discovery of Homo floresiensis and explains why it rewrites our understanding of the evolutionary process and who we really are

“I suppose hobbits need some our knowledge of evolution,” on Earth today. As Henry Gee description nowadays, since said Chris Stringer, head of said in his commentary of the they have become rare and human origins at the Natural find for [email protected], shy of the Big People, as they History Museum, as quoted the uniqueness of humans had call us. They are (or were) a by [email protected]. And become ingrained in our phi- little people, about half our rewrite it, it will. The discov- losophy, ethics, religion, and height... They... wear no shoes, ery of Homo floresiensis has even our science. And this is because their feet grow natu- opened the door for a host of the second part: the challenge rally leathery soles and thick new possibilities and interest- to our notion of uniqueness. warm brown hair like the ing questions for the study of There are only one human stuff on their heads (which human origins. For starters, species on Earth now, but it is curly); have long clever ‘the hobbits’ might demon- had not been always so. There brown fingers, good-natured strate that the human lineage were times when our ances- faces, and laugh deep fruity was affected by the same pres- tors lived alongside other laughs (especially after din- sures that dictated the evolu- human species. They lived ner, which they have twice tion of other creatures. side by side Neanderthals in a day when they can get it). Flores is situated near the Europe and Middle East, and Now you know enough to go eastern end of the Lesser the last populations of Homo on with.” – JRR Tolkien, The Sunda Islands, a chain of erectus in Java. They might Hobbit (1937), p16. islands stretching from Bali in also have encountered the the west to Timor in the east. hobbits, Homo floresiensis, as Were he alive today, the novel- During glacial times, the west- Homo floriensis’ remains were found on the Indonesian island of Flores they spread across the world. ist and anthropologist Tolkien ern part of Indonesia was con- Further back, one or two mil- would have been as amazed as nected to the Asian land mass, a well-known case, until 4000 zee! This might indicate that in able. But nobody predicted lion years ago, there were the scientific community when while the eastern part was years ago there were a dwarfed terms of brain evolution, size is that human evolution could ass many as four species of the 28 October 2004 issue of connected to Australia. But the species of woolly mammoths not everything. This is the sec- produce extreme forms like ancient humans living togeth- Nature revealed the discovery Lesser Sunda Islands (exclud- living in Wrangel Island off ond major impact brought by floresiensis: a dwarfed form of er in Africa. We were not alone. of a new human fossil whose ing Bali) were never attached Siberia. For large mammals, Homo floresiensis. The little its probable direct ancestors. And I wonder how our ances- description was surprisingly an island’s limited resources guys might be smart enough Sure, there were cases like tors treat the other human similar to the hobbits: they “Nature even had to would have favoured smaller to make stone spearheads to that in other lineages, such species. Did they ignore each were a little people, about half animals which could subsist hunt pygmy elephants for din- as horses, and elephants, but other? Did they treat them as our height. put a ‘This is not a on less food, and natural selec- ner. among humans? No, palaeon- friends? Enemies? Or even as But this is really one of hoax’ sign lest some- tion over generations would Another prospect brought tologist had ever speculated just another animal to hunt? those rare cases when fic- body thought it was have resulted in a reduction by Homo floresiensis is the that it could happen. We are left to speculate the tion turned fact, as a team in body size. Also, the environ- return of a major palaeoan- Of course, it should not possibilities. of Australian and Indonesian some kind of joke” ment of Flores was (and still thropological attention to have been too much of a sur- In time, we will address the researchers, led by Peter is) drier and less productive Indonesia. History recorded challenges Homo floresiensis Brown and Mike Morwood to any major land mass. Homo than other Indonesian islands, that Homo erectus (Java “...for a long time, brought. But for now, let us of the University of New erectus, known also as Java and scientists had long known Man), the first fossil that sci- human evolution was just celebrate the introduc- England, New South Wales, Man, lived on Java, west of about the existence of pony- ence acknowledged to be a tion of this new and extraor- and Thomas Sutikna and RP Lesser Sunda Islands from sized ancient elephants of the possible human ancestor, portrayed as a linear dinary member of our family, Soejono of the Indonesian about one million to as late as genus Stegodon throughout was found in Java, Indonesia march to progress from Flores Man, the ‘hobbit’, Homo Centre of Archaeology, intro- 40,000 years ago. Earlier exca- the Lesser Sunda Islands. by Eugene Dubois in 1891. lowly knuckle-walking floresiensis. We did not get duced Homo floresiensis to vations in Flores from geologi- Normal-sized Stegodon lived Indonesia was later brushed to meet them in life, but we the world. The discovery was cally older sites (dated 840,000 on Java and Sumatra at the to the sidelines as Africa ape to proud human could still imagine the world so unpredicted that Nature years) discovered crude stone same time. There is a strong yielded more interesting fos- standing tall” they lived in, a world almost even had to put a ‘This is tools which were then associ- case for insular dwarfism. But sil humans: Australopithecus, unreal. They were a little not a hoax’ sign on the news ated with Homo erectus, and it no such case had been found Homo habilis, Turkana Boy. prise. After all, evolution is a people, they lived in the pres- pages, lest somebody thought was speculated whether Homo for humans, before the dis- Now the discovery of the hob- seemingly undirected proc- ence of (Komodo) dragons, it was some kind of joke. erectus had the ability to make bits has drawn the human ess with no long-term goal and they probably hunt dwarf The remains of these little boats to cross the seas. Since “Islands do strange origins researchers’ interest to achieve. But in the case elephants. people, that had actually been Homo floresiensis specimens things to the back to Indonesia. It has been of humans, somehow, we They were the real hobbits. called ‘hobbits’ by some of show more skeletal and den- reported that the Australian- never got round the issue of their discoverers, show that tal similarities to Homo erec- evolution of creatures Indonesian team that discov- progress. Somehow we still ● Visit Nature magazine’s they were only 1m tall in life, tus fossils than to modern that colonize them” ered floresiensis plan to do want human evolution to be website www.nature.com and their brain size was only humans and Australopithecus, more excavations on neigh- directed at producing only us, for the paper by Brown about a third of ours. They the discoverers propose that covery of Homo floresiensis. bouring islands. Look forward the single dominant species et al were unearthed at the Liang floresiensis might have origi- They are now thought to be to more astonishing palae- Bua cave on the eastern nated from Javanese Homo the result of the same dwarf- oanthropological finds from Indonesian island of Flores. erectus. ing evolutionary process as Indonesia. In the meantime, The type specimen, LB1, is But why were they so small? happened to the elephants on there are also plans to extract a fairly complete skeleton of At 1m tall, Homo floresiensis the islands. DNA from floresiensis bones. an adult female, comprising were diminutive compared Our own species, modern The most important impli- of a skull, a leg bone, a part to their taller cousins Homo Homo sapiens, were thought cation Homo floresiensis of the pelvis, and some limb erectus, Neanderthal Man, to have arisen from erectus- brought us might be its chal- bones. Fragmentary remains and we Homo sapiens could like ancestors in Africa 150,000 lenge to some of our conven- of seven other individuals of reach the height of 2m. The years ago, and then spread tional views. This comes in two the same type were also found, explanation might be due to throughout the world. Modern parts. First, for a long time, which dismissed the probabil- their island home. Islands do sapiens might have reached human evolution is portrayed ity of LB1 being a freak indi- strange things to the evolution Flores during the existence of as a linear march to progress, vidual. Dating methods gave of the creatures that colonize Homo floresiensis. This could from lowly knuckle-walking an age of 38,000 to 18,000 years them, due to lack of preda- explain the presence of stone ape to proud human stand- for them. The researchers tors, lack of competition, and tools. But at present there ing tall. Until several decades also found bones of Komodo inadequate resources. Small is no evidence that they did ago, the discoveries seemed dragons, now-extinct dwarf animals grow large: exam- reach Flores at that time, and to strengthen that view. elephants, and also stone tools ples include lizards (Komodo floresiensis could have been Palaeoanthropologists saw in the same site, which gave dragon), tortoises (Galapagos the toolmakers. And here we a trend of increasing stature an insight of how these people tortoise), and even pigeons have another interesting possi- and brain size in time. The might have lived. (the dodo). On the other hand, bility, because floresiensis had outline of human evolution “This find really does rewrite large mammals shrink. To cite the brain size of a chimpan- was beginning to be predict- Did our ancestors mingle with ‘hobbits’ like these? Felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

SCIENCE [email protected] Misrepresentation, illusion New X-Prize for “the greatest and ‘spin’ in science challenges facing humanity” By William Gates various negative side-effects. prerequisite to being happy. By Tom Simonite Bioengineering department So, if I were an Alzheimer’s Similarly, red wine ceases to Science Communcation sufferer and I drank 20 cups be good for you when you Browsing through a news- of tea a day to try to increase drink it in excess amounts. Last month, the $10 million paper earlier this week, I the concentration of the acetyl We, as consumers, must be Ansari X-prize was won after was suddenly confronted by cholinesterase inhibitors in sceptical of the information eight years of competition a headline: “Tea can help in my body, the chances are that presented to us by food com- between 27 privately-funded fight against Alzheimer’s.” I would develop conditions panies. Might a bright young teams from around the world. Winner of last months X-prize: SpaceShipOne Startled, I read it again. Yes, I that were damaging to my star in a cigarette company The challenge was to send was reading what I thought I health, rather than positive. one day turn around and a three-man craft carrying the success of SpaceShipOne, the event of success. On this was. Great, I thought. I drink So are we, as consumers, say: “Smoking reduces fertil- at least one person beyond winner of the original prize. basis, private individuals and loads of tea. misled by research that is ity; therefore cigarettes are 100km above the earth twice The new set of prizes has companies may already be But I am, after all, a sci- specifically weighted so as to effective for use as contracep- in a two week period. loftier ambitions, but will considering getting involved, entist (OK... a student scien- promote a certain product? tion”? Now the foundation behind the same approach work for but the success of the new tist). Not wanting to become Ultimately the question the prize is expanding its the very different challenges prizes ultimately depends on too enthusiastic too soon, “In a market – indeed must be whether we can remit, planning prizes for a intended? the scientific details of the I decided to read the small a world – where believe everything we hear. whole series of science and The jackpot, and the chal- challenges set. Perhaps they print, which happened to be In a market – indeed a world technology breakthroughs, lenge itself, are motivational should think again: is it possi- the rest of the article. Soon I misrepresentation – where misrepresentation is described as “the greatest and promotional devices. ble to set challenges that both found that my hope had dis- is commonly used to commonly used to promote challenges facing human- Just like the original X- fulfil the aspirations of solv- sipated. Tea apparently con- promote an idea or an idea or illusion, we must ity in the 21st century”. None prize, the prizes offered will ing major problems, and still tains chemicals that inhibit read between the lines. Often have yet been laid down, and never match the sums need- work within the framework of acetylcholinesterase, an illusion, we must read there are underlying facts the foundation is asking for ed to meet the challenge. the competition? enzyme which hydrolyses between the lines” that have been marginalised suggestions from the pub- SpaceShipOne won just A cure for cancer is per- acetylcholine, a neurotrans- when they should actually lic. To get you started, their a third of the total $30 mil- haps an example of the worst mitter, in the synaptic cleft Not that I am accusing tea have been emphasized. We website offers a few ideas, lion bill for the project, more kind, although it is certainly (neural junctions). Reduced companies of fabricating evi- cannot trust those who use ranging from “a cure for can- aspirational enough. Whilst acetylcholine can indicate, so dence for the health proper- information in a way which cer or other major diseases” “The jackpot and the the treatments available con- inhibiting the enzyme would ties of their product; yet it benefits them rather than us, to “artificial intelligence, tel- challenge itself are tinue to improve, we are a reduce the breakdown of the could be that a certain aspect the consumers. eportation, molecular assem- long way from ever eradicat- chemical. of the research results have In this day and age, it seems blers (true nanotechnology), motivational and ing the complex set of pathol- This sounded worryingly been highlighted to provide that a certain amount of mis- cold fusion, or a believable promotional devices” ogies labelled as cancer. Few familiar. Acetlyl cholineste- an exaggerated illusion of trust is vital. virtual reality system.” researchers in the field would rase inhibitors form a potent how healthy tea actually is. In This is a clearly a very dif- than $20 million of which was admit to entertaining such a weapon in many insecticides, political circles, this may be ferent project. The original picked up by Microsoft co- possibility. More focused chal- where they disrupt the nerv- called ‘spin’. X-prize aimed to encourage founder Paul Allen. lenges closer to the realms of ous system of the pest, caus- There are other examples of the development of a private Just as before, the prize’s possibility – such as an AIDS ing it to die. If I drank too myths that surround certain space industry. Although it main role is to stimulate the vaccine – would be much much tea, would this have the foods. Chocolate makes you will only ever be for the rich, dedication of private funds more powerful. Getting the same effect on me? happy, for example. Maybe. private vehicles would have to research without imme- balance right is a very diffi- Admittedly this is unlikely; I But if you were so desper- reached space eventually diate, guaranteed commer- cult task, and there is certain probably wouldn’t die of nerv- ate to be happy that you ate sooner or later. The legacy cial value. Investors are to be a degree of risk in any ous system failure if I drank lots of chocolate and put on of the prize is that a small attracted by the concrete choice made. Perhaps it’s not too much tea. Yet this rais- weight, would you be satis- number of rich people will be and recognisable goals, the surprising that they’re asking es an interesting point. Tea fied? able to pay to go into space. benefits of being associated for a little help – make your also contains caffeine, which I know of no-one who feels Does tea really improve In the end the lot of human- with the ideals of the prize, contribution to our future at is another chemical that has that being fat is a necessary your memory? ity has been changed little by and widespread publicity in www.wtnxprize.org. Shields up Worf and secure that comms line! Computer vulnerabilities and why you should keep yourself updated By Amadeus Stevenson not work correctly. Many bugs have the largest frequency Many viruses and worms Physics department are nuisances – a certain fea- of these patches, and hence use vulnerabilities on ture might not work correctly. bugs, out of the operating unpatched systems to prop- Last week we began looking More irritatingly, a bug can systems listed above. There agate and cause damage. at ways in which your com- cause a crash and this can are many reasons for this, The widespread ‘MSBlast’ puter is vulnerable to attack result in the loss of work. but that is beyond the scope or ‘Blaster’ worm, which from crackers or malicious Serious bugs may result in of this article. A good idea appeared in August last year, individuals. This week we are vulnerabilities such as buffer to increase security, and par- caused massive havoc when going to look at what vulner- overflows, where a malicious ticularly to avoid spyware and it infected hundreds of thou- abilities are, why they are user can run some of his/her adware, is to try switching sands of Windows 2000 and bad news and how to protect own code remotely on your to a web browser other than XP computers. As a result, yourself in the best way pos- computer, doing all kinds of Microsoft’s Internet Explorer, systems were rendered unus- sible. possible damage without your which has frequent problems able due to constant reboot- As you all know, the soft- knowledge. ing. ware you use on your com- How do you get rid of these “the Blaster worm... The Blaster worm exploited puter is made up of source bugs and vulnerabilities? took advantage of the a vulnerability in a part of the code, which is programmed Keep your computer updated XP or Windows 2000 operat- in a human readable compu- regularly with patches for fact that many people ing system to infect systems. ter ‘language’ before being your operating system and had not bothered to The vulnerability had a patch converted into machine exe- software, which will update available for it for quite a long cutable code and run. Really the code so that these vulner- keep their systems time before it appeared. The large software, like an operat- abilities no longer exist. updated” virus took advantage of the ing system such as Microsoft For Microsoft Windows fact that many people had not Windows XP, is made up of users, visit windowsupdate. (see picture, right) and which bothered to keep their sys- lots and lots of this source microsoft.com (automatic these malicious programs tems updated – an important code, which in the case of updating can be enabled can exploit to install them- example of why you should XP, with over 40 million lines through the Control Panel). selves on your computer. do so. of code, when printed out is For Apple Macintosh users, Alternatives are aplenty, According to Microsoft’s roughly equivalent to a 600m visit www.apple.com/support/ the most popular ones includ- website, the vulnerability Warning: security holes in software found on a daily basis high stack of A4 paper. downloads/. ing Mozilla, Mozilla Firefox allowed one to “run code of It is hard to keep track of it For Linux/BSD users, visit (www.mozilla.org – both free) attacker’s choice.” In the computers to infect them, and worm infecting a computer all. Inevitably mistakes, also your distributor’s website and Opera (http://www.opera. case of the Blaster worm, try to take down Microsoft’s in this case would have been called bugs, will creep in or for information on the latest com – a free version is avail- this was to download and run updates website using a tech- to use a firewall to block out be overlooked. A bug is a flaw patches. able). These will work on all itself. Once running on the nique called a Distributed unneeded parts of XP and in the coding, that means that It is true that Microsoft the main operating systems computer, the worm would Denial of Service (DDoS). 2000, which the worm used to part(s) of the program might Windows operating systems listed above. launch more attacks on other Another way of stopping the infect other systems. Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

SCIENCE [email protected] Multiple pregnancies, now multiple parents News Since the first ‘test tube baby’ in 1978, IVF has been dogged with controversy. Giovanna Larice reports on the state of reproductive science in brief Fancy a baby? This is a place. As a result of this, the By Alex Antonov thought that most of you are rate of multiple IVF births Mathematics department either postponing to a later worldwide has increased, with date or, more likely, has bare- a twinning rate of 25% (com- ly crossed your mind. Not pared to 1.25% for the normal NASA sets date surprisingly, nowadays an population), a triplet rate of for Atlantis shuttle increasing number of couples 2-3% and a quadruplet rate of understand the advantages 0.5% of total IVF pregnancies. launch of deciding to have children These multiple pregnancies later on in life. represent further risks both NASA announced last Friday Reproductive science has to the test tube babies, which that its new target for resum- come a long way since the are at a greater risk of com- ing the space shuttle program first test tube baby, Louise plications than single births, is May 2005. The previous Brown, was born in Britain and to the mothers, who are target of March has had to be on July 25, 1978. The event placed under larger physical scrapped as a result of disrup- was accompanied by furious strain. tion to work caused by summer controversy over the ethics One would imagine that the hurricanes. All shuttle flights and safety of the procedure. simple solution would be not were suspended after the 2003 Since Louise, IVF treatment Columbia disaster in which has continued to provide a “Work from a group... seven astronauts were killed potential solution for the mil- when the shuttle exploded. lions afflicted by infertility in China has lead to and is the most commonly the pregnancy of a Dark streaks on used method of assistive woman with foetuses reproductive technology. Current IVF (in-vitro fertilisation) treatment often results in multiple births. New surface of Titan Quite alarmingly, however, which have three research shows that this need not be the case recent news has emerged genetic parents” Images from the Cassini that babies conceived in the in China has led to the preg- energy producing organelles of nuclear transfer, cloning spacecraft reveal dark patch- lab are more likely to suffer to put so many fertilised eggs nancy of a woman with foe- of the cell. In the US, up to (in the way that the famous es on the surface of Saturn’s certain health problems such in. According to experts gath- tuses which have three 4000 children are born with Dolly the Sheep was created) biggest moon, which could as cancer, birth defects and ered at the ASRM (American genetic parents. This was mitochondrial DNA defects is markedly different for one indicate the presence of liq- certain genetic disorders. Society for Reproductive accomplished by the process per year. Such defects are crucial reason: the pronuclei uid hydrocarbons. While it is These newborn are twice Medicine) meeting in of nuclear transfer, by which linked to a variety of diseases transferred are derived from necessary to compare these as likely to have a low birth Philadelphia on 21 October fertilised egg nuclei (pronu- such as Parkinson’s, can- adult cells and not embryonic with other readings, scientist weight, which is a factor in this year, it may actually be clei) are removed and placed cer, heart disease, diabetes ones. This apparently sub- said Titan is certainly “geo- 65% of infant deaths. that simple. Studies now sug- into ooctyes (immature and Alzheimer’s, and may tle difference is actually one logically alive.” There is also In the procedure of in-vitro gest that adding more embry- female eggs) that have had lead to infertility. However, of the main complications in evidence of atmospheric ac- fertilization, female egg cells os does not boost the chances their own nuclei removed. the pregnancy generated by cloning and is accountable tivity, possibly winds, moving (ova) are removed from the of pregnancy – single trans- The result is an oocyte which this method was unsuccess- for the many problems asso- material around. ovaries and fertilised “in- fers are just as likely to result may possess DNA from 3 ful and all the fertilised eggs ciated with animals gener- vitro” (Latin for “in glass”) in success. different sources: nuclear (or zygotes) implanted died. ated by cloning. upon the addition of sperm, in Complicating the matter DNA from the original sperm Nonetheless, the research- The dispute regarding the Remains of a fluid medium. The embryos further still, fresh news seems and egg and mitochondrial ers claim that this was due safety and morality of assist- Hobbit-sized are then transferred back to suggest that not only mul- DNA from the second, ‘emp- to pregnancy complications ed reproduction rages on. to the uterus where normal tiple births but also multiple tied’ oocyte. These oocytes rather than to faults in the Although advances in tech- human discovered development takes place. parents may be associated can then be induced to form fertility technique employed. nology are allowing us ever In some countries, multiple with IVF. embryos. All this new research may increasingly to overcome our Scientists in Australia have embryos (up to six) are trans- Work from a group of The logic behind this sound predictably and disturb- individual shortcomings in found a new species of hob- ferred in order to improve researchers led by Zhuang practice is to increase the ingly like cloning. However, this department, the contro- bit-sized humans who lived the chance of at least one Guanglun in Sun Yat-Sen chance of the foetus having this is not the case: despite versy will not be resolved any about 18,000 years ago. The successful pregnancy taking University of Medical Science healthy mitochondria, the sharing the same procedure time soon. partial skeleton uncovered is of a three foot tall female with a chimpanzee-sized brain. A DAY IN THE DIET OF A STUDENT Astronomers on Our resident dietician evaluates your lifestyles [email protected] lookout for asteroid threat Kate Wighton, MSc Science Communication, describes her Commemoration day A team from the Queen’s University in Belfast is moni- 8am Got up. No breakfast. Was up all last night getting my essay finished and was really rushed this morning. Also had toring asteroids in space and to entertain my parents who had come up for the ceremony. Had to get into College early to hand in my essay, collect my checking whether they are gown and have my photo taken. on a collision course with our 11am Sneaky banana, just before entering the Albert Hall for the start of the ceremony. planet. The important data will be fed into an international 1.45pm Champagne reception on the Queen’s Lawn. I managed to get two glasses of champagne and five canapés with cream cheese and smoked program for protecting the salmon. Earth from future impact. 3pm Lovely meal with parents in a Lebanese restaurant just off high Street Kensington. We had mezzo which consisted of lots of little dishes such as a pitta There are, currently, an aver- bread and hummus, lamb kebabs, falafel, lentils, pastries containing spicy meat, fried chicken wings in lemon and butter, and fried potatoes with chilli and pep- age of 30-40 Near-Earth Objects pers. I also had three more glasses of champagne and two glasses of red wine. This was all followed by mini pastries with mascarpone style cream. (NEOs) found each month. 10pm Absolutely stuffed after the meal, so nothing until late. Some lovely crusty fresh white bread with Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference apricot jam, and a large cup of Earl grey tea. Study: tea can improve memory Rosie Taylor, Felix Science Dietician says... Student total calorific intake: 3500 calories Results of laboratory tests by Recommended (female) calorific intake: 2000 calories a team from the University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne suggest that green and black tea could As this is a special day for Kate, one might expect a little overindulgence. The odd day of eating unhealthily like this is not a concern, as long as the diet is help improve your memory. more well-balanced on a day to day basis. Both kinds of tea inhibit the Both the canapés and the meal at the restaurant were laden with saturated fats, with most of the foods containing pastry. Add to this the eight units of activity of enzymes associat- alcohol (five glasses of champagne, two glasses of wine), which contributed 1200 calories and far exceeded the recommended upper limits of two to three ed with Alzheimer’s disease, units per day for women, and you’ve got the makings of a fairly horrendous diet. There is no sign of any fruits or vegetables, except for the banana, and a small while coffee has no signifi- cant effect. Researchers are amount of peppers in the main meal, which doesn’t go far enough to meet the minimum five portions a day that is recommended. now seeking funding for more tests on green tea. Felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

Comment [email protected] The joy of... Senate

Much of my time is spent in meet- tion. Students all too easily see the We have vacancies for research handicapped by not having a full ings. In general I hate meetings. commercial services (bars, shops, STATE OF student reps in life sciences, Council. If we do not have enough Meetings are a mechanism for like- etc) that we run as a Union. To a physical sciences and medicine. properly elected members then it minded, similarly-suited bureau- large extent, they see the clubs and THE UNION Nominations are now open for a undermines the legitimacy of the crats to pretend to ‘work’ whilst societies that are so prolific here second set of by-elections. If you Union’s policy-making. It increases actually doing nothing more than at Imperial. On occasion, students are a research postgraduate stu- the danger that opinions formed by ingesting copious amounts of tea might even notice a political issue. dent reading this then please, the Union end up representing a and biscuits to add to their insula- What people don’t see so much is please, please, consider standing or small clique. That’s why it is incred- tion layers. representation of academic matters finding a colleague who will do so. ibly important that we have a full Senate is different. As the College’s – our raison d’etre. Visit www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections. Council. academic governing body, it has The next Senate meeting is consid- There’s a free box of Harrods dough- So please, look again at the elec- overall responsibility for education- ering issues from access to examina- nuts for the first postgraduate to get tions to Union Council. Nominations al provision. It’s the second most tion scripts to staff redundancies in themselves nominated for election. for the new by-elections are open. important meeting I attend. And I the life sciences. Add on a sprinkling Go on, it’s easy. It’ll only take two Visit www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections. actually enjoy it. of careers services, teaching quality minutes to send one email. And Think about the doughnuts on Much of College can feel sterile in agricultural sciences, ICT, profes- I really want to buy you some offer. Then please send an email and corporate. Senate still offers a sional development and widening doughnuts. to [email protected] telling us genuine forum for debate and dis- access, and you get a fairly meaty MUSTAFA ARIF Of course, not all student that you want to stand. This time it cussion. Academics can (and often agenda covering broad spectrum of UNION PRESIDENT representatives get to attend all might help if more of you submit a do) ‘kick off’ in a major way on some academic activity. College meetings. The Union’s inter- manifesto... matter that appeared to be simple nal processes are just as impor- At the end of the day, don’t think and non-contentious. Many a battle Get your say! particular. Whilst many of you are tant for formulating policy. When I of Union elections as “political”. on a student issue has been won (or involved as Union officers, we have attend Senate, I need to know The Union is a integral part of lost) on the (in)ability of the student Senate’s business is mainly over- a dire shortage of postgraduate what the opinion of Union Council the governance of the College. representatives to manipulate the sight. Most of the ‘work’ is being reps. This gives us headaches when and other bodies is on various Union Officers are involved at all show. done in subcommittee meetings, all we need student reps for commit- issues so that I can represent them. levels of decision-making on mat- Why am I talking about Senate? of which have student reps. Herein tees (we often send undergraduates The same is true of all student rep- ters that directly affect students. I wanted to raise the profile of the lies my first problem: postgraduate or someone with no legitimacy as an resentatives on all committees. If you don’t take part, you lose ‘unseen’ side of student representa- students, and research postgrads in elected academic representative). At present, the Union’s ability is your say. Look after your drink

as putting a strong spirit into some- ADVICE SERVICE thing like lager. This is a particular concern as alcohol is so widely avail- able. It is widely believed that all such Sign up now! attacks are committed against women, however it was reported Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at Imperial this year that 12% of calls to the Roofie Foundation (a helpline that College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or study in provides support to those who have experienced drug-assisted rape) Imperial – volunteering will have always something to offer were in fact from men. When you are out and about, it is you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities in our vitally important that you are aware of what to look out for with regard to database, so there should be a project for you. NIGEL COOKE drink spiking. Below are some ways STUDENT ADVISER to keep yourself and your fellow students safe. The easiest way to get regular updates about volunteering is In the last few years, drink spiking ● Go out in a group and have a and sexual assault have been on the ‘sober’ person. by signing up to our mailing list. You will receive all the latest increase. The use of alcohol or other ● Keep your drinks with you at all drugs in order to make a person less times. opportunities on a weekly basis, directly to your email inbox. able to resist unwanted sexual con- ● Don’t drink anything that has tact has become more widespread been left unattended. Simply send us an email to [email protected], and continues to do so. ● Look out for unusual behaviour in The substances used for this pur- your friends. clearly stating that you want to receive the weekly news pose are often tasteless, colourless ● Stay away from high risk areas. and odourless, making them almost bulletin and we will do the rest! undetectable when they are put If you think that your drink has been into drinks. This of course means spiked: that more and more people who are socialising need to be more care- ● Find someone you trust. Imperial Volunteer Centre ful of their surroundings and more ● Show them you feel ill. If need be, aware of where their drink is. make yourself sick. Although the issue is now becom- ● Don’t leave on your own, as you email phone check out ing more widely spoken about, there may pass out. volunteering 020 www. Imperial Volunteer Centre ● @ 7594 imperial.ac.uk/ still remains a lot of confusion and If you can’t find a friend, make a imperial.ac.uk 8141 volunteering South Kensington campus misinformation about what happens scene. Union Building in an attack and what happens if Beit Quadrangle East Basement you are unfortunate enough to have If you have any more detailed Linking opportunities Prince Consort Road your drink spiked. concerns or questions regard- It should also be noted that many ing this issue, contact the Student IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION London SW7 2BB such attacks occur when people put Advice Service on 020 7594 8067 or stronger alcohol into drinks, such [email protected]. Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

COMMENT [email protected] “Work expands to fill the time allowed” How time flies when you’re having If you have any comments or ques- place almost four months after our er than you think and the piece of fun (or panicking about deadlines). tions about Felix, or you would like EDITORIAL degrees ended. paper you pick up at the end might It feels like we’ve hardly started, to submit a letter for publication on With the Government pressing for not be an express pass to the next but this is the sixth Felix out of 11 to any subject, please contact me at 50% participation in higher educa- stage, so make the most of the stu- be published before Christmas, so [email protected]. tion, acceptance at university set to dent experience while you can. we’re already halfway through the depend more on one’s finances than autumn term. Graduation one’s ability, and an increasingly Parkinson’s Law I hope you’ve enjoyed reading saturated graduate recruitment Felix this year. It’s been great to Last Wednesday, along with some market, it is difficult to escape the I was reminded recently of some- receive so many compliments about 1900 others, I officially graduated conclusion that a degree is simply thing called ‘Parkinson’s Law’, the new style, from a variety of from Imperial College. not as valuable as it once was. which states that “work expands sources, and I know that we will As I listened to the Union However, even if the qualification to fill the time allowed”. I’m sure continue to improve your newspa- President and the Rector describ- is not worth quite as much, and the you’ve experienced this law in action per over the coming months. ing Imperial’s illustrious history, I ceremony was at the wrong time, on many occasions, as you franti- I would like to thank everyone couldn’t help feeling that the whole I could still reflect on some great cally try to complete some course- who has contributed to Felix so far experience didn’t mean as much as DAVE EDWARDS memories and be satisfied that I work. Personally, I want to rename it this year. The newspaper could not it could have. EDITOR had taken advantage of some of the ‘the Law of Editing Felix, Receiving exist without the time, effort and Everyone present had already opportunities that Imperial life can Articles After Deadlines and Not enthusiasm of my excellent team of received their degree certificate by on’ from university into employ- offer. Sleeping on Tuesday Nights’. volunteers. post, many of us had already ‘moved ment, and the ceremony itself took Your time here will pass quick- Enjoy this week’s issue. Transport troubles Complaining about the Underground has become a favourite pastime amongst London ers. Dave Arquati discusses some of the major problems and the reasons behind them Transport issues affect everyone the Circle Line to South Kensington. decide to go out clubbing in the who studies or works at Imperial. Unfortunately there are none indi- evening. You come out of the club Many of you commute in by tube, cated on the departure board, and at 2am... and realise that you’ve got rail, bus or bike every day; others after waiting for ten minutes you a long, bumpy night bus ride home. use them at some point to go shop- give up and catch a different line. Other cities run their metro systems ping or go out with your mates. So What is it about the Circle Line that all night – why can’t we? have you ever wondered why things makes it, frankly, crap? You might not have realised, but often don’t seem to work the way Well, the poor old Circle has to London’s Underground is the old- you’d like? cross six flat junctions on its repeti- est in the world – the first section Imagine this: you’re coming into tive trek around London. A flat junc- opened in 1863! Like your elderly Imperial in the morning by train, tion is where trains on one track grandma, it needs a lot of atten- and an announcement is made that have to cross another track “on the tion to keep it in working order. your train has been delayed because flat” – meaning that whilst a train Places like New York benefit from a of “leaves on the line”. Sound famil- is crossing that junction, any other newer system which was built with iar? The media seize on this every trains have to wait for it to fin- four tracks for many lines instead autumn, but the reality is that leaves ish. If you’ve ever got to a cross- of two (two slow, and two express). on the line are as dangerous as roads just as the lights go green for They can keep running trains on black ice on a road. When leaves cars and you have to wait at every one pair whilst working on another. fall onto the track, the weight of a arm you cross, you’ll understand We, on the other hand, need five 135 tonne train compresses them how it can make you late (espe- hours every night just to keep it into a graphite-like coating which cially when you’re dashing into lec- working during the day! It’s not all acts like a lubricant on the track. tures from Evelyn Gardens). And bleak, though – the Mayor is con- The next train that comes along because Circle trains are constantly sidering running trains an hour or just slides along the track when it going round, there’s nowhere for two later on Friday and Saturday brakes, which can lead to it over- them to make up lost time. All this nights. One day, you may stagger shooting red signals or station plat- leads to you being late into College. out of the club and just catch the last forms. Therefore train drivers drive In fact, plans are afoot to get rid tube home! more slowly when there are leaves of the Circle line completely, by on the line, leading to delays, but changing the service patterns of ● Dave Arquati runs the web- safer journeys. a number of other lines – but not site www.alwaystouchout.com So, you’ve eventually arrived at before 2011. and is a third year biochemis- The tube: “Like your elderly grandma, it needs a lot of attention to your terminus and you need to catch After all that stress, you might try student at Imperial College keep it in working order...” Just a crazy thought... Zaina Nobeebux argues that many students today are far better off than they might think People in general complain a lot. nology our lives are full of. emails is still there if the voice of the ephone a friend and go to the pub to carriage. And I doubt kings could do Students complain more. Of course, Just imagine that you wanted to person in question is unbearable... chill. More examples? Think fridge, the same as in Lord of the Rings and we students have meagre financial contact a friend. As a medieval king Student life involves living in halls microwave, computers, radio, and travel from the north to the south of support and are in need, and conse- (or queen in my case), you would with minuscule rooms or dodgy flats central heating, which keeps your the UK on horseback non-stop. And quently have every right in the world have two options: either go to see with tatty furniture, and it would be room at the desired temperature what about Australians? By the time to complain. Me included... I have him in person to say a few words, or almost offensive to try to compare thanks to that simple device called a they reached home by sea, summer plenty of time to ruminate about send a messenger to deliver a letter these to the space and furnishing thermostat, without having to bear would be over and term would have my miserable student life, full of to the person in question, both of of palaces. But even us students a superheated room when the fire restarted! sacrifices made to be able to afford which are not very efficient ways. have more riches than the rich- in the chimney is lit or icy cold when My laptop and internet connec- a tiny bit of fun. Boring lectures and On the other hand, 20th century est people at the time in terms of it is not. I’m sure you can come up tion are other comforts that none of long bus rides provide the optimum students have access to telecommu- technology and services. Tired of with more. these kings could have at the time. atmosphere for this daily activity. nications technology, and even the cooking? You can treat yourselves, Let’s move to another more I can just type this article, email it Until a thought strikes me. We are most outdated mobile phone avail- even on a student budget from time interesting topic, which is that of and share my ideas... all this, lying as rich as kings (if not better off!) able on the market would serve the to time, by ordering a pizza. Give travel. Most of us here don’t live down in bed and without having to Thought you misread that? You are purpose of making a three minute those customer-friendly people a near College, let alone in London. travel, feeling warm and contented. mistaken. I’ll tell you why, and you call to your friend, in the warmth ring, promise them a sum of money Travelling in London is nice and easy. Of course, you might not agree with will be amazed. Think about the and comfort of your home, without and they’ll be at your modest abode But what if I lived, say in Manchester, me: kings did not have to bear the lives of most kings who once lived on having to brave the weather or hav- in less than no time with a steam- or Scotland? Nowadays, we can just torture of never-ending lectures, or this planet (of course excluding the ing to wait ages for your messenger ing hot dinner! Need some enter- jump on a train and visit our folks. cook for themselves, or slave away Royal family). Most of them lived in to come back for an answer. And the tainment? One can just go to the Centuries back, it would have taken to get some more pocket money, but cold castles with none of the tech- option of sending text messages and cinema nearby and relax, or tel- days to make such a journey in a it’s just a crazy idea... Felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

COMMENT [email protected] Who are the real pirates? In response to Numaan Chaudhry’s article on illegal downl oads in last week’s Felix, Matheus van den Bergh argues that the music industry are the real villai ns of the piece

In any discussion of the music indus- industry. Unfortunately, they missed that this was the all of the family's than 10%. Not only that, but several try, it is vital to keep one fact in mind: the boat again. savings. Who are the real pirates recent studies have shown a positive it’s all about the artists and the Speaking of lawsuits, the RIAA’s here? correlation between filesharing and fans. Everyone else involved is just legal campaign of terror, which the Not all musicians are thrilled to music purchases. a useful intermediary, and like all BPI (the RIAA’s sister organisation see their fans reduced to destitution. This fits neatly with the experienc- middlemen they face the prospect in the UK) is now bringing to this One prominent musician denounced es of the many unsigned bands who of being superceded by advancing side of the Atlantic, has achieved the RIAA’s tactics as “pure Gestapo”. have used the internet to promote technology. There will probably be – despite Chaudhry's comments The Association’s claim to be pro- themselves and find audiences that record labels for years to come, but – absolutely nothing. The RIAA has tecting the artists is also dubious. would otherwise have been out of their role is changing and the ‘big often quoted a statistic indicating Disturbed’s David Draiman reacted their reach. According to Chaudhry, five’ behemoth labels seem unable a 50% drop in file sharing activity by saying: “Protecting the artists, saying that greater exposure leads to adapt. It certainly doesn't help since they deployed their legal bea- my ass. I didn’t ask them to protect to higher sales is a “flawed argu- that record labels (especially the big gles against errant downloaders, but me, and I don't want their protec- ment”, but he gives no good reasons ones) are routinely accused of using unfortunately that figure is based on tion.” for this bizarre assertion. He posits a byzantine ‘Enron-style’ accounting deeply flawed studies. The surveys There isn’t even any evidence that hypothetical situation in which there techniques to defraud their artists. did not take into account the migra- file sharing really decreases CD are artists who prefer to be obscure Throughout the late nineties, labels tion of users from older, established sales. Chaudhry tells us that 2001 and without fans. passed up opportunities to develop networks to newer ones which are was a bad year for the industry and The industry may finally be mov- online music distribution. Indeed, more difficult to trace. They also says that “there are no prizes for ing into this century. Apple has man- they only took notice of the internet's relied on asking a large group of guessing the root cause of this”. aged to wrangle distribution con- existence when Napster turned American adults about their music A rather extreme message on the Certainly none that our esteemed tracts with large numbers of major MP3 sharing from the preserve of downloading habits, which is a bit subject of pirate MP3s business editor is likely to win. The labels, and this number will likely the technically adept few into the like basing crime statistics on the economic recession that started in increase in the wake of iTunes' suc- new hobby of the wired masses. results of a door to door poll con- Quite aside from their ineffec- early 2001 and only got worse after cess. Unfortunately, all is not well in The RIAA’s (Recording Industry of ducted by local policemen. In fact, tiveness, the lawsuits are morally the 11 September might have had electronic distribution land – there America) response was to litigate all that they can be said to show is dubious. Among those torpedoed by something to do with it. In general, are indications that labels are using (not legislate as Numaan Chaudhry that in the wake of a cluster bomb the RIAA’s lawyers was a 12-year- sales of luxury items are the first the transition to new distribution claimed in last week’s Felix) Napster of lawsuits aimed at heavy Kazaa old girl from a lower income family. and hardest hit by any economic channels for a sordid orgy of finan- into the ground. Perhaps they naïve- users, people are (a) moving to Like most of the targeted ‘pirates’, downturn, so a modest decline in cial shenaningans. Understandably, ly imagined that this would be the other networks, the users of which her family eventually settled out ot sales is hardly surprising. Indeed, artists are not at all amused by this. end of the problem. One might have have not yet been targeted, and (b) court. In her case, the RIAA had to in the second quarter of 2004, with Can the major record labels fix their expected that Napster’s popularity less likely to admit to using Kazaa. make do with a settlement of only file sharing more popular than ever, problems and embrace modernity? would serve as a wake up call to the Surprise! $2000 – not a bad haul considering CD sales actually increased by more Only time will tell. Competitions Around Books giveaway Campus This week we have copies of three fantastic books to give away. They are: The Prison House Introducing by John King The Truth About Markets Campus Link by John Kay

By Nichola Hawkins or not that is the case, the scheme Dude Where’s My Country at the Wye campus is likely to be welcomed by at least by Michael Moore some students. As Wye Charity Week is in full swing, In order to ensure that students it is hard to imagine why anyone are attending the South Kensington For the chance to win, just answer this would want to be anywhere else. campus, rather than the College However, once the week is over, inadvertently subsidising trips home ridiculously easy question: the next major event will be the or shopping excursions, each stu- launch of Campus Link, a scheme dent will be given a card, which will that will hopefully allow Wye stu- need to be stamped by the College What is the name of Michael dents to participate in some events or Union in South Kensington. at the main campus. Wye students will receive further Moore’s recent blockbuster The scheme has taken several details from publicity around the movie? months to set up, largely because of campus in the next couple of weeks. the amount of funding that had to be Whilst this is a one-way scheme, secured. It will allow each student, London-based students should Email your answer to [email protected] by Thursday 11 November. Tell us your year, your undergraduate and postgraduate, to still take note, as suggestions for attend up to three specific College or appropriate use of the allocated department, and which book you would prefer. The first three people to be randomly Union events at South Kensington trips include events or activities per academic year, by reimbursing with London-based Union clubs and selected after the closing date will win the pr izes. Felix competition rules apply. the cost of train tickets. societies. There are now over 300 The scheme was first suggested students currently at Wye, a sub- after comments made by Sir Richard stantial section of the student body Sykes in a lecture last year hinted that it would now be less wise to that Wye did not fit into his vision for overlook. Dance mat winner Imperial’s future, a comment that he later clarified as having meant that Wye had not integrated as well as The winner of our dance mat competition from issue 1302 is Yung Yung Lee, who knew might have been hoped. Cynics may claim that the idea was merely an that the Imperial Dance Club were salsa dancing during Freshers Week, not break attempt to regain favour after that dancing or morris dancing. public relations hiccup, but whether Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

Careers [email protected] Outside the Square Mile

By Cassandra Aldrich down to earth. I have never ments. It all sounded very Careers Editor thought of the Civil Service as interesting to me, and they a potential employer and only certainly think so – the home Recruitment season may had a vague idea of the differ- page reads “The Civil Service have left you with the impres- ent types of work they do. After is a whole world you never sion that employment oppor- looking at their website I was dreamed existed. It’s a world tunities exist solely within the impressed with the variety of you’ll want to join”. City. Imperial is specifically opportunities. Departments Further ideas for my list targeted by the City institu- include International came from a Proctor & tions, which is great if that’s Development, the Foreign Gamble (P&G) presenta- the route you want to take, and Commonwealth Office, tion I attended. There are but not so good for diversity the Defence Science and a number of different ‘func- at recruitment events. Technology Laboratory tions’ such as marketing and So, to remind myself that (DSTL), the Forensic Science customer business develop- the choice is not only between Service, the Cabinet Office, ment, but surprisingly I found banking and management the Charity Commission and myself drawn to research consultancy, I started to jot loads more. and development (“surpris- down some other professions. There is also a Fast Stream ingly”, as once I finish my The first thing that came to option for graduates who, if PhD the sight of a lab bench mind was intelligence work! accepted onto this accelerat- is very likely to make me run Spooks has left me a little ed training and development a mile). It turns out that R&D obsessed, but it is compulsive program, are earmarked for doesn’t necessarily mean viewing. Just as a career in senior management (see being stuck in a laboratory. medicine is not likely to lead www.faststream.gov.uk). A past Imperial PhD student to a life out of ER, I must also Options for Fast Streamers who now works in the R&D remind myself here that the include general manager division of P&G UK explains Careers in the City are not the only option for Imperial graduates. This week, we reality probably isn’t quite or policy advisor positions how she has been in the labo- take a look elsewhere the same as the programme. in any government depart- ratory once only since she However, it is a fact that the ment, joining the Diplomatic arrived. Although you can opt results and also market anal- don’t see yourself as a “lab er products company will intelligence agencies are Service, working in EU insti- to work at the bench, other ysis and consumer research), scientist”, but don’t want to appeal. increasing their recruitment. tutions on European policy jobs include developing ideas and matching existing P&G waste your scientific back- Felix Careers will have Working in the Civil Service issues or working in science for products (by using infor- technologies to ways of mak- ground either, perhaps R&D more on P&G next time, along probably sounds slightly more and engineering depart- mation from experimental ing new products. So if you in a multinational consum- with a focus on media. CV surgery Careers By Gabriella Silvestri a chronological series of CV DOs: CV DON’Ts: you begin to prepare for the events Careers Editor events occurring in your life. ● Sell yourself – you only get ● Overexaggerate your interview, you may realize ● However, if you aim high, it is one chance to make a first experience – employers will that you need to gain more WORLD OF WORK, THE Where will the Careers sec- not that simple. clarity about what is impor- INSTITUTE OF PHYSICS impression, so make sure it be able to see tion take you this week? A good CV is an essential tant to you in a job, what skills Wednesday 3 November 2004, ● Obviously we don’t expect tool for anyone on the job counts Include personal info you have and prefer to use, 6.30–8.30pm ● freshers to get bogged down market. It is a written snap- Be original – your CV – your marital status should and whether is the right job A careers evening for phys- with the nitty-gritty applica- shot that succinctly describes needs to stand out from not affect your ability to do for you. ics students thinking ahead tions-and-interviews career your experience and educa- others the job If appropriate, think about to life after university, at The stuff. But even if you are tion. But an outstanding CV ● Keep it short and simple ● Use flashy graphics or your role as the leader of a Institute of Physics, 76, Great embarking on possibly the is more than just good writing – you only have 20 to 30 secs coloured paper successful, achieving team Portland Place, London, W1B best years of your life, you and a list of activities. A truly to impress ● Use abbreviations and recognize your achieve- 1NT. have to have in the back of outstanding CV is custom- ● Use bullet points ● Begin phrases with “I” or ments; think about what you ● CONVERT TO LAW: your mind that pot of gold at tailored to the position you ● Check the spelling of every use long sentences did to direct, inspire, make or CAREERS IN LAW FOR the end of the journey: your want, presenting information word ● Write your life story enable this to happen. Review NON-LAW STUDENTS dream career. in order of relevance to the ● Give evidence and exam- the key abilities required for Thursday 11 November 2004 The transition from student position. ples to back up everything the job to identify which of Apply by 4 November. For fur- life to the world of work needn’t Here are some tips that I you say. Quantify when those you possess. You will ther information, visit www. be painful and so here we are learnt from Jake Harding, want to emphasise these careers.lon.ac.uk/events.htm. possible to tell you about CV and appli- a member of Elliot Penny, a capabilities with your expe- ● OC&C STRATEGY cations secrets. Most large company that delivers stra- rience to illustrate that you CONSULTANTS INTER- graduate firms use the ‘appli- tegic consultancy, coaching, out from your contemporar- no gaps. match the requirements. NATIONAL STRATEGY cation, first interview, assess- facilitation and training: ies. Ask yourself: how can I ● Put your interests, but Finally, you may want to list WORKSHOP ment centre’ model for their ● A good CV consists of two convince them to choose me only those out of the ordi- your questions about the job 18–21 November, Barcelona recruitment. Be prepared for pages and can only have a among others? nary, that will provide you so that you can ask these to Open to attendees from this: 27% of these companies third page for references.The ● Emphasise how you per- with something to talk about the interviewer. all over Europe. Send a use telephone pre-screening, first page has to be power- sonally would add value to during your interview so that Thus, in order to ensure CV and covering letter to more than 40% have a sin- ful, therefore you must do the company. State what you they will remember you. For that you are prepared, be recruitment@occstrategy. gle deadline (typically either a lot better than a common want to achieve, what you example, leading a moun- sure that you: com. December or January), chronological CV. You do not have to offer, why you deserve taineering trip would indicate ● Know who is going to inter- ● UNIVERSITY OF whilst one third opt for year- want the employer to have to the job, and what you have motivation, leadership and view you, and his or her posi- WARWICK: SCIENCE, EN- round recruitment. One third turn the page to find out you succeeded in so far. strategic-thinking. But citing tion in the company. GINEERING AND IT FAIR of large companies use online are brilliant! Concentrate the ● Show figures: encourage “going to the cinema, socialis- ● Know when and where the Thursday 11 November 2004, psychometric, numeracy or most effective information on the employer to read further ing or going to the pub” won’t interview is being held, and 11.00am–3.00pm verbal reasoning tests (Real the first page and target the by giving your achievements differentiate you from thou- how to get there. www.warwick.ac.uk/careers/ World Magazine, September CV for the job you are apply- in numbers. If you do not sands of others. Remember, ● Know what you need to students/fairs issue). Let’s then get into ing for. have work experience, then you have got to stick out from bring to the interview (a copy ● 2004 POSTGRADUATE this prospective: you are a ● Highlight what you are explain where else in your the crowd. of your CV is recommended). STUDY FAIR product and so you need to good at and include evidence life you have developed your Congratulations! You have ● Get plenty of rest. Wednesday 24 November, market yourself well to tempt to show you have the main skills. just received notification that If you think this all sounds 10.30am–4.00pm employers to invest in you. skills most relevant to the ● The second page should you have been selected for like hard work, fear not, as The G-Mex Centre, Manchester More or less, everybody job. include a concise overview of an interview. Your first task you are now sowing the seeds www.graduatecareersonline. knows how to write a CV ● Build an idea of who you your academic background. It is to review the key respon- that you will soon reap. So com/fairs/postgrad/index. if you consider it to be just are and focus on standing has to be chronological, with sibilities for the job, and as make the most of it! html Felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

Clubs & Societies [email protected] Outdoor Club in awesome Alps

OUTDOOR CLUB The following day, we attempted our prime objec- Summer tour 2004 tive, the Barre des Ecrins, and a 3am start was called By Daniel Carrivick for to beat the weekend rush of climbers attempting the This year’s Outdoor Club same route. Bleary-eyed, summer tour was our most with head torch beams van- successful tour ever (well ishing into the darkness, we certainly since records made our way up the Glacier began), with participants, Blanc soon to discover a line most of whom were novices of other groups already ahead to the Alpine mountaineer- of us. ing scene, accomplishing Alex made short work seven challenging routes in of overtaking our fellow five days and reaching a high Europeans – not easy on point of 4016m. uncompacted snow – and Term had barely ended by by the time we reached the the time our fully laden mini- foot of the mountain, just as bus left South Kensington the sun was rising, we were for a fortnight in the French almost in pole position. From Alps. This year, the bus got here, steep snow slopes were us to Dover without breaking ascended, their gradient and down, but there our journey the lack of oxygen at altitude was delayed by rough seas. reducing our pace to a slow Several hours later, ferry plod. services were resumed and At the Breche Lory, a steep our long journey to the Ecrin pitch of ice led up to ridge, Massif continued. slowing the groups ahead of On arrival, the weather us down and causing a bottle forecast looked settled for the neck. Once up on the ridge next few days, so wasting no another difficulty, this time on time we headed straight up rock, formed another bottle- into the mountains. An early neck delaying those waiting (Alpine) start saw everyone to gain the west ridge of the continue up on to the Glacier Barre des Ecrins. Given the Blanc as dawn broke, after an size of our group and the long Alex, Martin and Matthew on Pic de Neige Cordier, with Dome de Neige des Ecrins in the background overnight bivi at Refuge du queue, we elected to summit Glacier Blanc. From there, the Barre des Ecrins’ smaller pitch was painfully slow, With feet battered and blis- Dan joined the rest of the the others before returning one group ascended Pic du neighbour, Dome de Neige crowded and dangerous, tered, some people spent the group rock climbing in the all the way back down the Glacier d’Arsine (3364m) by des Ecrin (4016m). especially as a gaping cre- next day resting, while the valley (on one leg) and doing valley. the north west ridge, and the The views from the top vasse loomed at its base. A remainder climbed Pic de Via Ferrata. The following few The next day, thunder- other climbed the south west were amazing, with the French climber from another Neige Cordier (3614m), this days were spent in the club’s storms and torrential rain rocky flank of Pic de Neige Matterhorn, Mont Blanc and group slipped and fell onto time by way of an exposed inflatable canoes (or, as the like you’ve never seen before Cordier (3614m). Monte Rosa all visible on Naomi, but fortunately only scramble up the north ridge. French call them, ‘hot dogs’) caused rocks, some the size Base Camp was set up back the other side of the Alps. bruises were sustained before Having made good time, we descending the grade III rap- of televisions, to plop 20-30m on the Glacier Blanc (3070m), But despite the clear skies the rope prevented them both decided to try a second peak, ids of the Lower Durance and into the river from overhang- just down from the Refuge there was a chilly breeze, and falling any further. The rest of Roche Emile Pic (3586m). The canyoning down one of the ing river cliffs. Feeling vulner- des Ecrin and under the before long we were descend- the descent was uneventful sun had been on the snow a many icy melt water ravines, able in our canoes, we sought south face of Pic de Neige ing to keep warm. and we made it back to base long time now, and the short carved deep into the side of shelter on the opposite river Cordier. Descending the steep ice camp around midday. climb was exhausting as we the valley. bank, taking care to distance sunk into the soft white slush Returning to the Refuge ourselves from all things up to our thighs. The descent du Glacier Blanc (2542m), metal as the lightning flashed proved even more tricky with we climbed the Pointe des overhead. Thankfully, within the conditions making slips Cineastes (3203m). JJ and half an hour the storm had inevitable and falls difficult Bernard climbed a route passed and we continued pad- to protect against. Once back called Le Vieux Piton, before dling the unrelenting grade 4 at the col, we dropped down meeting the rest of us at the rapids of the Upper Ubaye onto a snow slope, inclined at top for a south-north traverse Racecourse in the rain. an easier angle, from where of the pinnacled ridge. With More canoeing followed on we sat on survival bags and drops of 1000ft on either side our final day before return- slid the final 500m back into and the valley floor visible ing to the campsite for a base camp. That afternoon, some 3000ft below that, the humungous barbeque washed a small group climbed the exposure soon had stom- down with lots of French rocky south ridge of Pic du achs churning. This was only wine and beer (essential to Glacier Blanc (3527m). amplified by a massive rock help the long journey back to With food supplies dwin- fall which sent reverbera- London go quicker the next dling, another early start tions across the valley and day). A stop and search by a saw us reach the top of the columns of dust high into the dozen French customs offi- Roche Faurio (3730m) before air. Thankful that we were cials ensured we missed our packing up base camp and not in its path, we finished ferry home too. They eventu- dropping over 2000 vertical the ridge by abseiling off to a ally let us continue after a lot metres back to the valley snow slope. Unprepared for of gesturing and the repeti- floor. Dan and JJ cycled back its steepness, those not wear- tion of French sentences that to the campsite while eve- ing mountaineering boots made no sense whatsoever ryone else got a lift in the were soon caught out and confirmed their suspicions minibus. Unfortunately, hit- sent skidding down the moun- that we were nothing more ting a pothole at speed on tain. Accelerating alarmingly than “crazy Englishmen”. We a descent while applying the quickly, Dan hit bumps and made it through Calais with- brakes sent Dan over his han- flew through the air before out any asylum seekers jump- dlebars, leaving part of his the slope eased and the self- ing on board and reached knee spread over the tarmac. arrest was effective in termi- London just as a new day was Under strict doctor’s orders nating his slide. Numbed by starting, left with the memo- to “rest the knee” and “not go snow burn, and bloodied by a ries of an awesome few weeks Stephen and Dan on Pointe des Cineastes cycling for at least two days”, lacerated finger, Dan joined in the Alps. Imperial Col London 125x200 28/9/04 9:55 am Page 1

To find out more about a career in teaching, including Fast Track, come along to the presentation being hosted by Imperial College London at the Regency Hotel Conference Centre, South Kensington, on Thursday 11 November 2004, starting at 6.00pm. Teaching is very rewarding – No pre-registration required. For more information please contact ttapresentations @klp.co.uk you’ll start on at least £18.5k. www.teach.gov.uk 0845 6000 991 (Inner London £22k) Use your head. Teach.

Imperial ad 129x172 26/10/04 3:53 PM Page 1

What the job involves

Could you Our University Managers must be either in their final year or be a co-ordinate postgraduate. Duties include:

local • Recruiting a team of interviewers for face-to-face interviews research at • Organising a training session to Imperial prepare interviewers for the survey Decisions, Decisions… • Ensuring your team reaches the College target number of interviews set for your university As you move closer to a decision about your future, you face questions for a major • Co-ordinating other research about how to satisfy your professional ambitions while enjoying personal exercises nationwide fulfillment. What we’re looking for student Strategic Decisions Group invites you to learn about our leading strategic Our University Managers must be able consulting practice serving the global Fortune 500. Find out how our survey? to commit a few hours each week distinctive culture and excellent advancement opportunities can match your during term-time and will need to aspirations. demonstrate a range of skills: We are looking to appoint a Local University • Good organisational ability We are seeking candidates for the positions of Business Analyst and Manager to work on • Ability to rise to challenges and Associate Consultant in our London office. Business Analyst candidates may The Times Student work on your own initiative be undergraduates from any discipline, whereas Associate Consultants have Survey 2005. • Team leadership skills further degrees. We look for candidates with outstanding academic • Excellent communication skills achievement, exceptional analytic skills, and strong personal impact. The post will be paid, • Thorough knowledge of your Quantitative skills may be an advantage. part-time work university during term time from November 2004 until To apply for the position, please email Applicants should send a CV and covering letter no later than December 31, April 2005 and would your CV and covering letter to 2004. Please indicate any visa requirements. be an ideal job [email protected] for a finalist or a or write to: Marsha Gomez, Research postgraduate student. Manager, High Fliers Research Ltd, 10a Belmont Street, Caroline Field 21 The Green Camden Town, London NW1 8HH. Recruitment Coordinator Richmond Strategic Decisions Group TW9 1PX [email protected] 020 8332 4837 Tel www.sdg.com 020 8940 0404 Fax Felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

FEATURE [email protected] How to build a house This summer, eight Imperial College civil engineering students, a Whitybird engineer and a Hispanic studies student from Nottingham went on an expedition to El Salvador, building a retaining wall and starting work on 17 houses. Just in case you ever need to build a house, here’s how

By Michelle Maloney

You will need: ● spade / pick axe ● wire ● tape measure ● string ● wooden stakes ● long plastic tube ● rebar ● gravel ● roofing materials ● barras de castillas ● sticky back plastic ● glitter ● sand ● cement

1. Visit the beach for inspiration (very important for all civil engineering projects) 2. Ensure that correct and appropriate safety wear is worn at all times

3. Prepare the ground: dispose of any tree roots, bones, remnants of abandoned latrines 4. Recompact (by hand) the soil that you have excavated. Nurse your blistered, minging etc discovered. Excavate the area to be built on hands. Set out the site and begin to dig trenches

5. Dig trenches and column footings. Concrete the house’s frame into place 6. Mix concrete for the floor slab (if you have enough water from the previous night’s rain) Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 13

FEATURE [email protected]

7. Lay the slab, ‘tamping’ as you go to remove any air voids 8. Prepare ‘barras de castillas’ to line the walls with. Using small children if needs be

9. Fix the barras to the structure 10. Attach the pre-fabricated roof to the house

11. Plaster the house and... finito! Here's one we made earlier 12. Have a well-earned rest Felix 14 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

What’s on [email protected] New look Monday nights! THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY Come down to Reynolds in Running an event? Hammersmith every Monday 4 NOVEMBER 5 NOVEMBER 6 NOVEMBER night for cocktails and then get your wristbands to dance Want people to know? UNION EVENTS UNION EVENTS UNION EVENTS the night away at the Palais CAREERS FAIR BONFIRE NIGHT PARTY PANDEMONIUM – £3 from the Reynolds, £4 Tell us about it! 11am–4pm 6pm 7pm on door. Yes, the Palais, it’s Beit Quad Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross Beit Quad back! Monday nights are now Felix will print your listings free of charge. FREE Hospital £1 RockSoc members bigger and better than ever Nearly 100 companies will be Hot chocolate, marshmal- £2 Jazz and Rock / IC Radio / before. Just email [email protected] and tell us: present at Imperial College lows, toffee apples, popcorn LRS members Contact: • the name of the event Union’s careers fair. They and cocktails at the Reynolds £4 others [email protected] want to see Imperial students (free entry). Followed by fire- Imperial College RockSoc • who is running it like you! Visit the employers works at the nearby Bishops brings you another night of • the time and ask questions. Park (£5). great live music, featuring Contact: [email protected] Contact: [email protected] performances from Victims • the location of Noise, Gin Panic and Only • the cost (if any) RADIO UNION EVENTS Joe. Our gig nights are fa- • a brief description of the event FIRESIDE FASTER PUSSYCAT mous far and wide – come TUESDAY 6–7pm 8pm–2am along and see why. IC Radio Beit Quad 9 NOVEMBER www.icradio.com £3 CLUBBING UNION EVENTS FILMS Join the Union President and R&B and hip-hop with DJ ‘AS ONE’ PRESENTS CLUBS AND SOCIETIES STA TRAVEL QUIZ NIGHT BAD SANTA (15) the Felix editor for a discus- Lucy Ambache. Vodka and ALL NIGHT LONG ENGINEERS WITHOUT 8–10.30pm Odeon Kensington sion of the week’s news. draught mixer for £1 in dBs. The End BORDERS TALK Beit Quad All week: 2.15pm, 4.30pm, Contact: [email protected] Contact: [email protected] £12-15 1–2pm FREE 6.45pm, 9.05pm. Fri and Sat Layo and Bushwacka take Civil Engineering Room 301 The quiz is a bit of a tradition only: 11.20pm. Sat and Sun RADIO CLUBBING over the main room and FREE at the Union, with cash and only: 12.00noon. UNDEFINED BEDLAM: THE BIG BANG lounge. Sarah House, who worked for beer prizes on offer. Get a 7–8pm The Fridge WaterAid in Tanzania, talks team together and join in. FILMS IC Radio £5-15 CLUBBING about her experiences. Open Contact: [email protected] BIRTH (15) www.icradio.com The last Bedlam event of the RELEASE YOURSELF to all. Odeon Kensington Felix Music and Nightlife edi- year is this Guy Fawkes spe- Turnmills Contact: All week: 1.35pm, 4.00pm, tors Simon and Andy bring cial. Banging. £15 [email protected] WEDNESDAY 6.30pm, 9.00pm. Fri and Sat you music sans frontières. Roger Sanchez with an eight only: 11.30pm. Contact: [email protected] CLUBBING hour set. House music all UNION EVENTS 10 NOVEMBER GET LASHED IN HEAVEN night long. PARAMOUNT COMEDY FILMS UNION EVENTS Heaven ON TAP UNION EVENTS BRIDE AND PREJUDICE RED HOT SALSA £16-19 7.30pm LOST IN A DREAM (12A) 7–11pm Lisa Lashes plus BK, Rob MONDAY Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross (ICSM DRAMA Odeon Kensington dBs, Beit Quad Tissera and many more play Hospital PRODUCTION) Fri to Thurs: 12.50pm, 3.25pm, FREE hard, bouncy, funky stuff. 8 NOVEMBER £4 7.15pm 6.00pm, 8.35pm. Sat and Sun A night of salsa from the The hugely popular Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad only: 8.20pm. Imperial College Union TELEVISION UNION EVENTS Paramount Comedy night Tickets from £4.50 Dance Club. Join in and THE SIMPSONS COCKTAILS AND continues. Featuring Alistair The perfect blend of comedy FILMS pick up some tips from their 9pm PONANA Barrie, Colin Cole and Jason and drama, Lost In A Dream BRIDGET JONES: THE professional instructors. Channel 4 Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross John Whitehead. tells the story of a hapless EDGE OF REASON (15) Contact: [email protected] Enough said. Hospital Contact: [email protected] schizophrenic. Odeon Kensington Contact: Fri to Thurs: 1.05pm, 3.40pm, [email protected] 6.15pm, 9.00pm. Sat only: 11.30pm. THURSDAY FILMS EXORCIST: THE 11 NOVEMBER BEGINNING (15) Odeon Kensington VERY IMPORTANT Fri and Sat only: 11.15pm FELIX PUBLISHED 10am onwards FILMS Pick up the next issue from FINDING NEVERLAND your department or the Union (PG) building. Odeon Kensington Contact: [email protected] Fri to Thurs: 1.35pm, 4.00pm, 6.25pm, 8.50pm. UNION EVENTS LOST IN A DREAM FILMS (ICSM DRAMA HERO (12A) PRODUCTION) Odeon Kensington 7.15pm Fri to Thurs: 9.00pm. Fri only: Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad 11.25pm. Tickets from £4.50 The perfect blend of comedy FILMS and drama, Lost In A Dream SAW (18) tells the story of a hapless Odeon Kensington schizophrenic. Fri and Sat only: 11.10pm. Contact: [email protected] FILMS SHARK TALE (U) Odeon Kensington Fri to Thurs: 2.40pm, 4.45pm, ALL WEEK 6.50pm. FILMS ALFIE (15) Odeon Kensington All week: 1.00pm, 3.30pm, 6.00pm, 8.35pm. Fri and Sat only: 11.05pm. Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 15

My London [email protected]

Tell us about your London. Email [email protected]

Fri Nov 12 Name: Oliver Richardson 8pm > 2am Department: Physics Year: 3 £2.50 Ents Card Living in: South Kensington £3.00 Union £3.50 Guest My... pubs Student I.D. required Join our e-mail list: “I like pubs where there’s a chance for a bit of banter without having to shout over music, although a bit of music is essential. I often go to the Union Bar and would recommend the happy [email protected] hour at the Polo Bar for a change. Many other good places seem to be a blur but the home brew at the Fitzroy Arms, just off Tottenham Court Road, sticks in the mind.” Ray Keith My... clubs MacPherson

“Pacha is definitely my favourite, but I also really enjoyed seeing the Cuba Brothers at Surreal Ministry.” Believe the Hype DJ Spindle DJ Chug My... restaurants (basement radio “Paper Tiger, of course! Actually the nicest meal I’ve had in London was at Isola. Manjaro on sessions) Holloway Road serves some tasty West African food and there’s a pub and club downstairs http://icradio.com too.” /whatson/shows/399 My... favourite day out

“It all depends on who you do it with, but the best day out I’ve had recently was when I went to the last day of the Thames River Festival. We drank cloudy cider all day then finished off with a bottle of champagne on the beach at Bankside while the fireworks went off.” £1 Vodka + Drum + Bass My... alternative Draught Mixer “Notting Hill Arts Club is friendly place with really clever decoration inside. They have a deep in dBs Only house night called Underdog every second Sunday from 5pm until late, and entry is free before 6pm. They also have South American nights where they start with a bit of live salsa and carry Until our cellars on to some drum and bass. My favourite thing about the venue though is the range of drinks and run dry the free snacks. There’s no draft beer but all the spirits, wines and bottled beers are excellent and come from unusual places like Lapland. Beware that it’s not cheap, and if you think you can Imperial College Union, drink a load of absinthe and work hard at College the next day then you are wrong.” Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London,

SW7 2BB

Guests

Ents Card Card Ents

8pm > 2am > 8pm

Imperial Fri Nov 5 Nov Fri RnB / Hip Hop At: DJ Lucy Ambache Mixer in dBs £1 Vodka + Draught

£1 Vodka + Draught dBs

Mixer in dBs 3.50

£2.50 £ At: dBs £3.00 Fri Nov 5 8pm > 2am Imperial £3.00 Ents Card £2.50 POINT BLANK Guests 3.50 £ POINT BLANK

DJ Lucy Ambache RnB / Hip Hop RnB / Felix 16 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

Nightlife [email protected] Tiësto makes it a triple DJ Mag’s annual Top 100 DJs poll is the definitive guide to the best spinners on the circuit. Felix went down to check out the Announcement party

DJ Mag is one of the most respect- a certain extent so does showman- few minutes and found the place to ed publications on the dance music ship, but what’s definite is that it’s be pumping already. Tonight three scene, being read all around the only these things that really make a of the massive arches were in use. Top 100 DJs world and with contributions from difference: I don’t know what half of One was host to drum and bass and some of the industry’s heavyweights. my favourite DJs look like, their real breakbeat, one run by house label Every year, it holds an open poll of names, marital status etc, because Defected, and the biggest, back arch 2004 Last year’s position in brackets the general public to rank the top it really doesn’t matter! Suffice to being the ‘main room’. 100 DJs of the year, and bestow say, then, that the results of this Now unfortunately there were no 1 Tiësto (1) upon some lucky jock the crown of vote can be taken as a pretty good set lists to be seen, so we followed 2 Paul Van Dyk (2) Number One DJ In The World. This measure of who’s hot and who’s not our ears to where the music was 3 Armin Van Buuren (3) vote is really quite significant and in terms of DJs. best and ended up in the Defected 4 Sasha (4) provides an interesting profile of Last Thursday was the Top 100 arch. I really can’t comment on who 5 Ferry Corsten (6) the current state of the world dance DJs announcement party, a night was playing where or at what time, 6 Hernan Cattaneo (22) scene and the tastes of the world’s really not to be missed. Not only but in this arch there was a right old 7 Christopher Lawrence (35) clubbers. would they be telling us who the win- party going on. Sexy, sunny house 8 John Digweed (5) DJs are generally not popular ner was, the party would also fea- music filled the air – notably Praise 9 Paul Oakenfold (8) because of the way they look, their ture sets from dozens of the world’s Cats’ Shine on Me, one of my tunes 10 Deep Dish (10) personality, or whether they’re best. Add to that free entry before of the year – and people were get- Well it seems that trance is still on in a ‘slutty celebs’ feature in this 10pm or a £5 donation to UNICEF ting down everywhere. The main top. A look at the top ten from DJ month’s Heat magazine. No, the DJ after, and you need a pretty good room was, as you would expect, Tiësto: trance chart topper Mag’s Top 100 poll shows no change world is relatively – and refresh- reason not to go. And no, lectures on pretty packed, and rocking all night in the top four, with the top three ingly – free from all the rubbish we Friday don’t count. to the likes of James Zabelia and room had emptied a bit. being the world’s trance heavy- get shoved in our faces in today’s So off we went, to start what was Armin van Buuren. The drum and Apparently at midnight they weights. Tiësto holds the crown personality-centred world. A DJ to be a heavy weekend of three bass arch seemed to be rolling from announced the results, but we totally for a third year in a row, which is will be popular or not, based on nights out in a row, under the arch- the outside, though when we took a missed that, and I only found out the hardly surprising considering this the strength of their performances: es beneath London Bridge station. look near the end of the night, the next day that the winner, and World man played at the opening ceremo- style, track selection and technical Being a school night, there wasn’t a music had changed down a gear to Number One DJ 2004 is Tiësto, for ny of the Olympic Games! ability all play equal parts, and to massive queue so we got inside in a breakbeat, and it seemed that the the third time in a row! Renaissance and Harlem Nights properly. Aside from that, his set night was Harlem Nights, another of CLUB REVIEWS was enveloping, and the rammed The End’s great monthly occasions, main arch went right off. The Cross and our host for the evening was the Renaissance isn’t a huge place, and tonight it was venerable Steve Lawler. Master of The Cross, off York Way definitely approaching capacity. This his chosen discipline, Lawler plays HHHHI wasn’t a huge problem, though, as dirty, progressive house. the place is so well air conditioned. On arrival, the queue was already Take a five minute walk out the back Huge vents blow cooling air into the stretching around the corner. This of Kings Cross Station, and you’ll crowds throughout the arches, so was a busy night, and with good rea- find a little hotspot for nightlife. there’s no problem keeping yourself son. The quality of the music on offer Within feet of each other are The at a moderate temperature whilst and the system they play it over are Cross, The Key and Canvas. The stomping like a nutcase. enough to draw people, so when a area they’re in is an industrial area The crowd is stylish, as you’d big name like Lawler comes to town, by the canal, so it’s all warehouse- expect when there’s a dress code in you know it’s going to fill up. Tonight type buildings. I remember my first force. As a place to meet potential the lounge was a separate area, with experience of clubbing in London partners, The Cross scores pretty Lawler in charge of the main room. was here, at The Key, and how stuck Argentine Hernan Cattaneo behind the wheels of steel highly – from my point of view there The music in the lounge was funkier I was with the atmosphere of this were plenty of cute women around, house, so we made for the floor and area. shoes that were definitely not train- whole place, the outdoor terrace. and they were particularly forward, only left a couple of times the whole Tonight I had gone down for my first ers, and advised my companion for This is effectively an extra chill out if you know what I mean. night. visit to The Cross, for Renaissance, the evening similarly. Unfortunately area, nicely decorated with seating All in all, I found The Cross to be Normally there’s no hassle with tonight with special guest Hernan it was not enough, and as we got to and space to dance just outside the a fantastic club with a great atmos- heat at The End, as their air con- Cattaneo. Hailing from Argentina, the head of the queue he was told he main arch, and it’s a great place to phere and superb music. I can’t get ditioning is good enough to keep his is probably not a name you’re wouldn’t get in, as he looked too cas- let some of the sweat evaporate and away from the fact that my night you cool. Tonight it seemed that the familiar with. It’s one you’re going ual. In the end my friend went home, make some new friends. was spoiled when my friend was place might be more rammed than to hear a lot more about, though and I queued again for another try. Having had a good nose around turned away, though, so beware. usual, as I couldn’t stop sweating. – he’s number six in the top 100 I understand the reasons behind to check the place out, it was time Simon Clark Not just clammy skin, but great drips chart, and has been going from the dress code, and am willing to go to get lost in the music. With the Nightlife Editor of the stuff rolling down my face. To strength, including recently mixing along with it, but I have say it spoilt second arch providing more funky be fair though, the place really was a Renaissance Masters CD. my night, and I think it’s a shame. house, the main arch was home to full, with even the corners of the On arrival, The Cross looks a little This had been the main reason I’d the progressive beats provided by Harlem Nights dancefloor filled out with revellers. out of place. In amongst the old ware- been apprehensive about the place, Desyn Masiello and Pete Goodwing. The End, West Central Street Leaving the party briefly for a houses and factory buildings, it’s and it may be a reason not to go The main attraction, though, HHHII break in the lounge, which by this nicely decorated from the outside, back. One way or another, if you’re was Hernan Cattaneo. At 1am he point was very cool and relatively and makes you wonder what’s going planning on visiting The Cross, I’d appeared behind the decks and The End is one of my favourite late empty, we found some nice hip- on inside to warrant big queues. At make sure you think about what started his epic journey through night hang outs in London, as you hop beats to lounge to for a while. this point I feel I must mention the you’re wearing first. music. This kind of house is all may have noticed if you’re used to Apparently the majority of the crowd door policy, since The Cross is one of Issues aside, I got in eventually, about a vibe, constant and tight. perusing these pages. The attitude, was in the main room, and I can’t the few serious nightclubs in London albeit alone, and was ready to party. The music takes hold of you and, style and quality of the place and blame them. Lawler was firing on to enforce a dress code. I’ve found it The Cross is made up of three arch- provided the DJ has what it takes, the people that go there mean that, all cylinders tonight, and the crowd hard to pin down exactly what this es of music, with a bar/lounge in won’t put you down until the end in my opinion, this is the best base- egged him on with plenty of encour- is, and have heard variously that it’s between each. The last arch from of the night. Technically, Cattaneo’s ment in London to be spending the agement. Overall this was another ‘smart club-wear’, ‘no jeans or train- the entrance is the main one, with mixing was almost flawless – his small hours in. top night out courtesy of The End, ers’ and ‘jeans and trainers OK’. the DJ at one end, and the floor ris- worst slip-up was at one point let- Given all that, and the fact it was my the only downer being that it fin- With this in mind, I had suitable ing toward the back, where there’s ting the music get down to a bare birthday, you won’t be surprised to ished at five. attired myself with no denim, and an exit to the neatest part of the beat before the next track came in hear that I was there last Friday. The Simon Clark You’ll fit in if you’re not like everyone else.

, We don t recruit clones. We recruit very, very good people whatever their background, nationality, culture or degree discipline. What counts is your ability to learn fast and to fit in to a , team of people who may be like you in only one key respect – they re talented enough to make an impact. www.csfb.com/standout

© 2004 Credit Suisse First Boston LLC and/or its affiliate companies. All rights reserved. Felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

Arts [email protected] From Russia to the South Bank, with love Lynsey McInnes more than survives an evening at the London Philharmonic, serenaded by the glorious music of three Russian composers

notion of what to expect, I spent back to his piano and proceeded London Philharmonic the duration of this piece watching to delight the audience with a five Royal Festival Hall in fascination as Sinaisky writhed minute solo delivered with perhaps round the podium, swinging his just an ounce too much self-indul- Stravinsky: Scherzo fantastique arms to and fro, baton in hand, gence. Prokofiev: Piano concerto 3 in C sending cryptic signals to his min- Rimsky-Korsakov’s symphonic Rimsky-K orsakov: Scheherazade ions to create what appeared to suit Scheherazade, Opus 35, is com- my untrained eye and ear a vigor- posed of four movements and based Lured in by £1 student tickets and ous and triumphant performance. on the Arabian Nights stories. The the promise of a complimentary Double bassists smacked their music thus manages to envelope Cobra beer post-performance, I strings to produce a rich and heavy the listener into its fairy-tale set- took myself off this Friday evening pulse, violins crescendoed to ear- ting and evokes a distinctly oriental to the Royal Festival Hall for my splitting effect, oboes squeezed in atmosphere. The piece alternates first ever live orchestra experi- their thin, fragile lament between between the signature of the hulk- ence. the more powerful reverberations ing menace of a Sultan, repre- Despite avid participation in a high of the brass and a majestic, solitary sented through strident, confident school ensemble, my knowledge and flute rose above them all to capti- groupings of strings complemented understanding of the plethora of vate the entire hall and bring the by a self-assured tuba and a pair classical composers is sadly fairly Scherzo to conclusion. of bassoons, and his Scheherazade minimal. I entered the auditorium By this point I was thorough- rippling through this rumble on a armed with little beyond the names ly embroiled in my study of each solo violin and graceful woodwind of the three composers behind the instrumentalist and their toils with accompaniment. night’s pieces and a vague sense of the music and watched with inter- This lengthy suite was the show- excitement for this excursion into est as members of the orchestra piece of the evening, delighting the unknown. switched seats and re-jigged instru- players, audience and myself; I Given the above preamble, I am ments in preparation for the second remained enthralled from start to perhaps unqualified to ‘review’ the piece of the evening, Prokofiev’s finish. Armed with the programme evening’s performance in the strict- notes on what I should be looking out est sense of the word, but would “I had done much for through the progression of each nevertheless like to attempt to con- movement, I felt better equipped to vey my experience to you in a bid to more than just survive appreciate the complexities of what ensnare a few more specimens into was unrolling before me. I proudly giving a classical concert a go. – I had thoroughly recognized the “shivering strings” It was to be a night of Russian signalling “danger and adventure” music by the composers Stravinsky, enjoyed the evening, in the second movement and could Prokofiev and Rimsky-Korsakov. I full, as it was, of appreciate the sound of the sea entered the hall and took my seat through the “heaving” strings in in the choir section and thus had novel excitement” the first movement. By the end of full view of both the players and the fourth movement, as the Sultan Red Square, Moscow the main audience. The orchestra Concerto 3 in C for Piano and and Scheherazade are reconciled, promptly filed in and began tuning Orchestra, Opus 26, a piece that I too let out a deep sigh of relief ple of hours in the company of some To receive regular updates on their instruments in preparation belonged to its solo pianist from – the story and music had come to talented musicians and exit with the special student offers available, for the arrival of their conductor. start to finish. a successful conclusion and I had a peculiar sensation that, despite sign up to the Noise mailing list on This duly occurred when a certain The charismatic Jean-Efflam survived my first foray into the the loss of that pound, your world the website. Vassily Sinaisky, an aged and wiry Bavouzet was quite clearly relish- classical world. has become that little bit richer If you are already a fan of the Russian sporting a mass of unruly ing his every moment on stage and I had done much more than just from what you have just exposed Russian composers, and wish to find grey curls, took to the stage gracing did indeed deliver a polished and survive though. I had thoroughly yourself to. out more, I would suggest reading both the public and his orchestra moving performance. He conclud- enjoyed the evening, full, as it was, Orlando Figes’ Natasha’s Dance. It with a deep bow and cheeky grin. ed with great panache and was of novel excitement. ● Information on the may seem a bit of a daunting read Without delay, the company applauded excitedly by the packed I compel you all to give such a Philharmonic’s programme can be at the onset, but stick with it and launched into its first piece, auditorium. After several returns concert a go. From as little as one found on their web site www.lpo. you will be suitably rewarded by Stravinsky’s Scherzo Fantastique, to the stage, and much over-zealous pound you can take a break from org.uk, and the Box Office can be this well written history of Russian Opus 3. With no preconceived bowing and grinning, he sauntered your scientific study, spend a cou- reached on 020 7840 4202. culture. What is all the Hype about? Since I’ve already got started... Apologies to those of you who really Rimsky-Korsakov’s Flight of the Theatre’s student programme. of the modern theatre-goer. don’t like Russian composers; I’m Bumblebee has been hijacked and There are leaflets dotted about The theatre focuses on bringing going to indulge and continue on the turned into a ring tone. Mussorgsky’s the South Kensington Campus, but new works to the public. These theme. Night on a Bare Mountain also makes should you not be able to get your include not only works by both I’ve always loved the Russian com- a Disney appearance in Fantasia, hands on one, here are the basics: British and international play- posers, going back to the time when and Rachmaninov is given a writing For the princely sum of £5 you wrights, but also works by young I was going to be a ballerina, so it’s credit on a Celine Dion song, though will receive: discounts on tickets; aspiring playwrights who have risen really been a while. Their music is so I forget which one. Prokofiev’s Peter So, what is this about? Any sugges- free drinks at pre/post-perfomance through the theatre’s play writing beautifully expressive, full of emotion and the Wolf is a timeless classic, tions from the audience? Readers receptions, and for you frustrated course. Definitely on the leading and a fabulous number of thoroughly and Shostakovich’s Waltz from the who were around last year will, dramatists out there, invitations to edge of theatre. memorable melodies. second Jazz Suite appears in Eyes hopefully, remember the assorted casting, play writing and directing Labelled “the most important Most of you will be familiar at least Wide Shut. I could go on... attempts that were made to get you workshops. theatre in Europe” by the New York with some Tchaikovsky. Swan Lake I cannot recommend Natasha’s all involved in the Arts in London I trust this has whetted the appe- Times, anyone interested in theatre is quite possibly the world’s most Dance enough, and will leave by encouraging you to subscribe tites of some of you out there. The needs a very good excuse not to famous ballet, and there are snippets you with a reminder to check the to various student programmes. Royal Court Theatre is on Sloane make the most of the Hype offer. of his score for Sleeping Beauty in Philharmonic’s season and with As you can see above, we’ve Square, very easy to get to, and has Go to the theatre’s website www. the soundtrack of the Disney classic advance warning that the Royal had some success with the just recently been redeveloped. It royalcourttheatre.com for more of the same name. Ballet will be gracing us with Philharmonic. boasts a spacious bar and restau- information, or take yourself down Apart from Tchaikovsky, there are Stravinsky’s seminal The Rite of We are fully aware that orchestras rant in the basement (very nice, there and have a look around. It’s a great number of other Russian Spring this spring. are not everyone’s cup of tea. So, this take my word for it), and the audito- about a 15 minute walk from South composers whose music you will Paola Smith week we bring you the Royal Court rium is more suited to the demands Kensington. have, no doubt, been exposed to. Arts Editor Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

Books [email protected] Five famous physicists What does Stephen Hawking think the most important advances of science were? Harriet Wellington finds out in hardback technicolour

The Illustrated social interests and support and life and work with a pronounced area where Hawking lacks. Whilst rejection of Copernican astronomy admiration, and here the book also interesting suppositions are raised, On The Shoulders of Giants with an account of the astronomer’s includes quite hefty extracts of the such as “What happens if you could with commentary by ambitious life. Principia. go back in time and kill your grand- Stephen Hawking Kepler occupies the chapter three Einstein concludes the collec- father before your father or mother (Running Press) spot in Hawking’s team for his leg- tion, paving the way for Hawking were conceived?” Hawking fails to £19.20, Hardback endary avocations of the Copernican to explain what the current status examine these in much depth and HHHHI heliocentric universe and concern of astronomy is. Hawking teases we arrive at the endnotes a little for the five platonic solids. Here us with a little algebra to explain hastily. Hawking’s grand tour of modern Kepler’s interest in the universe’s Einstein’s theory of relativity, which This is, however, a description astronomy singles out just five of the mathematical ratios is explained, you will either deliberately leave of the great works in physics and physics greats: Copernicus, Galileo, and we learn that each planet in open on the coffee table in order astronomy, and although Hawking Kepler, Newton and Einstein. We fact has its very own musical har- to look rather clever, or decisively is picky about the few that get a start with a taste of Copernicus mention, the book does fulfil its task. and his controversial theory of a The book is beautiful and the colour heliocentric universe before moving “What happens if “...the physics illustrations really make it special. to meaty biography detailing the Not only are we given old paintings, young physician’s Polish upbring- you could go back greats: Copernicus, but computer-simulated depictions, ing and entrance into the clergy, photographs and diagrams. amongst finer details that Hawking in time and kill your Galileo, Kepler, New- The book is an open invitation to narrates with enthusiasm. a complex and often impenetrable A celebration of Galileo’s work grandfather?” ton and Einstein” subject without any hint of conde- takes up the next chapter which scension. There is enough technical includes the transcripted adjura- mony! If only Hawking had thought age student), Newton conducted slam shut with a horrified gasp. detail for those who want to get tion that Galileo was publicly forced of including sound effects... experiments in his own bedroom: A disappointingly short discussion to grips with specific theories, but to announce prior to his imprison- Newton comes next in Hawking’s observing prisms and light and is included in an attempt to bring also enough biographical and unde- ment. Hawking neatly intertwines hall of astro-fame, where Hawking generally making clever theories. us up to date with more recent manding narrative to charm any the development of Galileo’s split points out that (just like the aver- Hawking chronicles the scientist’s developments, and this is the one non-scientist.

in association with Odeon High St Kensington Filmsee What’s On, page 14 [email protected] Finding Nothing-interesting-land Memoirs of an Imagineer

Finding Neverland today’s older generations, which a highly ambitious and worthwhile explains the slightly skewed demo- idea for a film has been wrecked by Director: Marc Forster graphic at my screening. a novice screenwriter with a first- Starring: Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Finding Neverland is about class honours degree in crass sen- Julie Christie, Nick Roud Barrie’s relationship with the timentality. Length: 101 minutes widow Sylvia Llewelynn Davis (Kate Then there was the acting. The Certificate: PG Winslet) and her four young children. likes of Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, HHIII The film tells the story of Barrie and Julie Christie were a bit like befriending the family and drawing Tiger Woods at the 2000 US Open “So why is the cinema full of 50 to 60- inspiration from the Davis children at Pebble Beach: way under par. year-olds?” This was the first ques- to create the world of Neverland and Having recently seen Winslet in The tion I asked myself as I sat down to write his play Peter Pan. Inevitably, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless watch Finding Neverland. “Where conflicts emerge as Barrie becomes should I put the popcorn?” was the more detached from his life at home second question. For the purposes with his wife, and grows closer to “A highly ambitious “Barrie, look at my sexy body, my washboard abs. Impressive, non?” of this review, the first question is the Llewellyn Davis family and to and worthwhile idea more important than the second or Peter Pan. Joe Prospero, Freddie Highmore has been enslaved by giant radioac- even the third, which I do not actu- The film deals with themes such for a film has been and Luke Spill. They carry the tive slugs... then you will have to ally remember. as creativity, childhood, belief and movie, giving by far the strongest wait till 2005. Finding Neverland The answer to my first question family in an overly saccharine and wrecked by a novice and most intense performances. is certainly an ambitious film with is that this is a film about the life of almost sanctimonious way. I found In fact, Depp was so impressed by some important messages, which JM Barrie (played by Johnny Depp), myself worrying at times at how screenwriter” Highmore’s performance that he can easily be lost in an age when author and playwright, who wrote unashamedly clichéd the scriptwrit- convinced Tim Burton to cast him studios are churning out films like the classic children’s story Peter ing was – not surprising considering Mind, audiences will be aware of the as Charlie Bucket in next year’s Alien vs. Predator. Unfortunately it Pan. In 1953, Walt Disney turned the that this was David Magee’s first talent which is so obviously absent Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. is also loaded with some nth degree play into a feature length cartoon screenplay. Suffice to say that the from her performance here. We So if you are looking for an unpre- sentimentality that will inevitably which you may have come across. plot was predictable and the charac- know they can all do better. dictable thriller starring Wesley alienate students and sceptical film However, Peter Pan made an indel- ters were about as interesting as the The film partially redeems itself Snipes as an alien space-cop stuck in reviewers alike. ible impression on the minds of Sherfield Building. What is clearly thanks to the child actors Nick Roud, a parallel universe where mankind Darius Nikbin Want to review films, get free tickets and go to previews? Write for Felix Film! Email Alan on [email protected] Felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

Coffee Break [email protected] Coffee Break is back, again. According to some of you, last week’s edition was far too hard, so we’ve lowered the difficulty... and the tone. Please enter, by sending your answers to [email protected]. We have lots of prize money, and we would prefer not to spend it all on beer

Whose breasts are these?

It’s five weeks into the start of term now, and if you’re male, like most people here are, you’ve proably real- ised that there is a distinct lack of attractive female totty around College. Sure, there’s some, but they’re often either too busy or too uptight for anything interesting to happen with them. We know you laydees are feeling the same too. Sure, theres a lot of guys around, but have you seen the state of some of them? They’re not exactly prime specimens of what the male sex has to offer, are they? Imperial boys tend to be either geeky freaks, obsessed with manga and 1 2 3 4 computers, or sporty nutters, with their own more deviant hobbies. In honour of our hugely distorted girl-boy ratio, we’ve come up with this piece of pure class. It’s also an excuse to get a bit of cleavage in the paper, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Anyway, we’ve taken some of the best pictures we could find, and focused on the most important area. All you have to do is match the boobs with their owner.

5 6 7 8

George W Bush is dumb

In celebration of the forthcoming (when we wrote this) US presidential elections, the Coffee Break team are honour- ing one of the literary world’s unsung heroes, George W Bush. We’re giving you a list of some of his most memorable quotes, and all you have to do is tell us if it’s a genuine ‘Bush-ism’ or just some bollocks we came up with.

1. I know human beings and fish can co-exist peacefully 2. One of the greatest things about books is that there are some fantastic pictures 3. For NASA, space is still a high priority 4. It isn’t pollution thats harming the environment, it’s the impurities in the air and water that’s doing it 5. It’s clearly a budget; It’s got a lot of numbers in it 6. Well I think if you say you’re going to do something, and don’t do it - that’s trustworthiness 7. In my sentences, I go where no man has gone before 8. I don’t care what the polls say, I don’t. I’m doing what I think what’s wrong 9. I would have to ask the questioner. I haven’t had a chance to ask the questioners the question they’ve been questioning 10. I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family

The League of Extraordinary FUCWITs

It’s week two for the Felix Unforgettable Coffee Break Weekly Issued Tournament, and things are hotting up. Literally. Sex sells, and hopefully a bunch of semi-naked celebrities should encourage you all to enter. Plus, it’s piss-easy this week – even a geologist could do it. Whose breasts are these? You’ll get two points (two points, geddit?) for correctly identifying who owns each pair of magnificent mounds. George W Bush is dumb And will probably still be President when this issue is released. Never mind, how much harm can somebody do in four years? Anyway, there’s a point for each quote – just tell us which are genuine and which are dirty stinking lies. Well there you go, thats 26 points available.

You can still send in your answers to last week’s quiz, and you have until next Friday for this week’s. Send your answers and team names to [email protected] Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 21

COFFEE BREAK [email protected]

Felix Crossword 1304 by Jabberwock

1 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 6 5 7 6 8 Across Down 7. Predict loudly: “Injured Castro is 1. Most arrogant Attic priest rejects 7 8 9 about to die at last!” (8) the princess royal, initially (8) 9. Surpass former Wimbledon pro, 2. Guard castle tower (4) 9 10 11 say (6) 3. Sacrificial chess opening? The 10. Break jars in reverse order (4) French substitute it for a game 10 11 11. Empty lines? (5,5) of chance (6) After barely escaping certain death 12. Withdraw unlawful decree (6) 4. Careless whispers: “Destroy the in the tulgey wood in Through the 12 14. Church service features monoto- French ship!” (8) Looking Glass, Jabberwock made nous chant (8) 5. Suitable for the disabled, a fleeting appearance in the short- 12 13 14 15. Involuntary movement enter- entrance bell I damaged remov- lived Dulwich Tribune, and now tains? Tease someone like ing plate (9) comes whiffling and burbling into 16 Hamlet (6) 6. Discuss betrayal in absence of Felix Coffee Break Land in order to 17. Wild boar is first in line (6) leader (6) provoke and entertain you. 17 15 16 17 18 20. Like Mr Ripley in famous love- 8. Sea myth rewritten editing out This week’s puzzle is quite less story prequel? (8) unknown river (6) straightforward (I hope), with a few 22. Gently rotate head every Sunday, 13. Quickly vanishing as a result of harder words that should be easy 18 19 19 20 21 say (6) performance at start of Act V, given their cryptic definitions. 23. Consistent study of dog hire (10) Scene X (10) As this is one of my first few 20 21 22 24. Standard female convict (4) 16. Painter redrawing motif to be (printed) puzzles, I realise it may be 25. Bend humbly before bell in placed in tomb (8) rather clumsy in places, so please 23 church (6) 18. Honest like a libeler? That’s email any comments or criticisms 26. Naughty ginn’s tail vanishes in wrong! (8) you may have. Jabberwock 23 24 furniture material (8) 19. Turn one’s attention to public notice (6) Issue 1303 solution 26 27 21. A plank on a ship (6) A M E R I C A N O B E A U T Y 22. Small Greek character leads N N N F V U R O 25 26 revolt (6) I R C R H A L F S E R I O U S 24. Loud song is acceptable (4) M O O E E O D E 28 29 A D M I T T A B L E R V I C M L I W I F S C I X C A N A A N L A N A H A F T Karen Osmond, Computing IV, is our winner for the second C B T H S L B E R E L I E V E O S P A C E Y R successive week! Well done! A A R R U D N V Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page down to the Felix office in C O D E A T E R R A C O T T A the West Wing of Beit Quad. Each week, we’ll choose a winner and print their name, thus K D A A A R R L E M I L Y B R O N T E C E E L providing them with almost unlimited kudos and self-satisfaction. Everyone who provides R S E V C A A E us with a correct solution will get an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year S P H E R E E G E O M E T R Y Felix 22 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

SPORT [email protected] First outing for novice Disc Doctors

ULTIMATE FRISBEE ABH showed what they learnt a heck of a lot more were made of, putting up a about game situations and UCL Beginners’ good hard fight. The teams the spirit of the game. All the Tournament were quite evenly matched players had improved drasti- at the start, with fantastic cally from the first to the last It was yet another overcast defence and offence. ABH match, and thanks go out to day in Hyde Park when went two points up thanks to all the experienced players Imperial College Ultimate some solid handling and very that came to play alongside Team (the Disc Doctors) gath- few errors, but DD began and support the new guys. ered for the UCL outdoors regaining control with some The muddy shirts and beginners’ tournament. good interceptions and came smiling faces showed that After a quick chuck around back to score. Towards the the whole team had had a and warm up, the Disc end of the match, the Disc great time. Even the 9- Doctors (DD) got ready for Doctors were fighting back 0 defeat didn’t look so bad, their first match against fel- and scoring points. as STD1 went on to win the low London team Brunel This match brought DD’s tournament! If you are inter- (also known as STD1). DD first win, and great perform- ested in playing or finding had a fantastic turnout of ances from both teams. ABH out about Ultimate Frisbee, over 15 beginners and five played a well-structured e-mail Manny (emmanuel. experienced players, enough game, despite the very muddy [email protected]). for two 7-a-side teams. pitch and rain. Hey, Ultimate Anyone is welcome to come For beginners’ tourna- is all-weather! along and play. Check out the ments, teams are allowed five website www.union.ic.ac.uk/ beginners (less than three LSE 4 acc/ultimate. months’ playing experience) Disc Doctors 2 and two experienced players Having beaten ABH, DD on the pitch at any one time. went on to play fellow London THE ULTIMATE Experienced players are Not a flying disc in sight... for once: Imperial’s Ultimate Frisbee team line up College LSE. Hats off to LSE, always identifiable by hats or who last year didn’t have an DICTIONARY funny items of clothing. The ing rampage. After a further After a short break of prac- first point. ultimate club and had turned Cut – A run by a receiver to best one this year was a tiger five points, the final score was tising throws, DD faced the Purple Haze changed their up this year with a full team of shake off his defender suit! unfortunate, but all part of Loughborough team, Purple tactics, making cuts to the beginners. Layout – Diving through the Ultimate learning curve. Haze. The Haze team have back of the DD endzone, but Disc Doctors began expe- the air, in order to catch an STD1 9 One important part of a good reputation and track a great DD defence stopped riencing a little bit of déjà vu, unreachable disc Disc Doctors 0 Ultimate Frisbee is the call. record for both their begin- them from scoring. Eventually finding themselves two points Huck – A long throw, prefer- The first game of the day, and The two teams gather round ners and experienced teams, they scored two more points down once again. LSE then ably the length of the pitch the pace was quite slow. DD at the end of the match and so the match was expected to and with less than a minute had the upper hand through- Endzone – Area at the got right to business, mak- the captains say a few words. be a challenge. left, an all-beginners team out the match. After three either end of the pitch within ing a number of good, safe Then both teams pick a ‘call’ Motivated from the previ- went on the play out the dying hard games, making mistakes which a point is scored passes. Well-placed cuts kept to do or play. Calls vary from ous game, DD went on the seconds. This was a good per- was inevitable, but the com- Point (or score) – When a the game flowing, but after ‘disc fencing’ to cycling on offensive, moving towards the formance by DD against well mitment was still there with player on offence catches the some impressive offence by mini-bikes, or even drinking Purple Haze endzone. Haze drilled Loughborough begin- DD players admirably laying disc in the endzone STD1, they managed to score beer! After the call, the teams held DD at bay and in a twist ners. out for hard-to-reach discs. Completion – Catching a the first point of the match. walk around in a circle giving of fate broke free to score They managed to score two disk after cutting into space. Brunel swiftly got into high fives to the other team the first point. Purple Haze Disc Doctors 5 points, but it wasn’t enough The key to a safe pass! rhythm and scored three con- who are walking round in the pushed hard, making fast end- ABH 3 to win. The game ended 4-2 to Drills – Training involving secutive points. Disc Doctors’ opposite direction. This is a zone cuts, but unfortunately Disc Doctors’ third match was LSE, a wonderful start to the the practice of certain plays defence was quickly broken, good example of the spirit of missing the completions. against an all-women’s team, season for their new team. and throws though not through lack of Ultimate. Disc Doctors intercepted and made up mainly of members Handling – Where a player effort. They responded well Magic (Chris R) threw a long of ABH (Actual Bodily Harm) Having played four games stays nearer the back, mak- by marking tighter and slow- Purple Haze 3 pass to Stas, who sent the and a few female Thundering of competitive Ultimate, the ing most of the throws upfield ing down the STD point-scor- Disc Doctors 1 disc on to Alvin to score DD’s Herd beginners. Disc Doctors beginners had Threes run riot as Wye make a start to UCL are destroyed winning streak

RUGBY the way things were going the entire park. RUGBY Our superstar winger, Lil, ally gained another try from to go. Strong scrummaging With the full compliment of won woman of the match for an amazing piece of play by Sponsored by from the Imperial pack gave subs used at half time, things Wye Women’s 1st 17 her blinding tackles, knocking the pack, the hooker touching quality ball to the backs and started in a similar fashion to GKT Women’s 1st 0 any GKT girl for six. Cat, the the down on the try line with a great rucking left us with all the first half. Strong running hooker, kept the scrum tight special above the head move. the possession and territory. from Andy Wright and a great By Suzanne Horn against some controversial Andrea converted the last It soon told with tries pour- debut try for lock Ben started put-ins by the opposing team. try, to finish the game with a ing in from all areas, with things rolling. At this point the After a disappointing result Her powerful tackles man- convincing win. Em was also even our heavyweight prop UCL lads started to drop like last week, we renewed our aged to hospitalise one of the particularly fantastic with her Imperial Men’s 3rd 49 Joe Sanders deciding that flies, leading to a downturn spirits with a blazing perform- opponents, causing a broken tackling skills, which kept our UCL Men’s 3rd 0 his surname was Rokocoko, in our performance as com- ance from the entire team. leg. Beware, this hooker is a defence solid throughout. spinning through the tackles placency set in. Eventually, The score reflects the out- true hardcore Wye girl! This week, our team played By Dan Lindsley before waddling over for a with a UCL front row suf- standing dominance Wye The sole fresher, Nat, put up superb rugby, and we hope try. fering a suspected broken displayed throughout the a brave performance, lasting that the standard of play can The second run out for Great support play from neck caused by the substan- match, especially within the the full 70 minutes, despite be repeated for next week’s the Threes this season was man of the match Dave Collis tial frame of Joe Sanders, the first half. Some sterling runs the ferocious intensity of the away match against the against the old enemy, UCL. led to a stunning backs try match was wrapped up. and tackles by the backs con- match. Virgins. Let’s see how many Previous encounters with from the restart as well Two games over this season tributed greatly to the overall With possession on our side bones we can break this time! UCL had seen ringers drafted providing others with the for the Threes with nearly outcome of the game, while for most of the first half, two Thanks must go to all our sup- in from the teams above, but opportunity to score. Matt seventy points scored and the forwards were solid in the tries were well-deserved. porters, our coach, the touch with every team playing this Banger once again had an none conceded, how could scrums and line outs. There One was a dashing run by the judges, the referee and the Wednesday Imperial were outstanding game, running in things improve? They did so was amazing effort by all who scrum half from the 10m line. William Harvey ambulance determined to make their two tries in the first half, and in style as the Threes humili- played, resulting in the best We went into the second half crew. See you again next year strengthened squad count. fresher Gonz impressed from ated the cock-sure Imperial match of the season so far. with confidence and eventu- GKT! Things boded well for full back with strong running First XV in a close game of Imperial, with the opposition and a great try. There was a ring tone challenge on the turning up late and barely great debut too for Marcos, bus home, winning 18-17 fielding a full team. From the the Spanish number eight, despite the cheating of Firsts SEND US YOUR SPORTS REPORTS! [email protected] kick off it was pretty evident who worked tirelessly across captain Hixxy. Felix Thursday 4 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 23

SPORT [email protected] Hockey ladies lose mojo

HOCKEY of this match, and, to put it to the game. Unfortunately, half, the score was 2-2. Despite Hertfordshire player proved heads held high, to face the bluntly, we were a bit pants. our captain Yoda was not feel- notable performances from she had truly played to the wrath of Royal Holloway next Imperial Women’s 1st 2 Arriving at Harlington, the ing well. Nevertheless, she Tyson (man of the match) and point of exhaustion by fainting week. Whatever it was that Hertfordshire team had time to warm up found strength from the force Spellcheck, the winning goal on the pitch. Was the fatigue robbed us of our mojo for the Women’s 1st 3 thoroughly, and our “dynamic and played on. Before half continued to elude Imperial, down to the fact that she had Hertfordshire game, be it the stretching” was clearly a time came, two short corners and Hertfordshire went on to contributed such a sterling dreary London weather, the By Cindy Drinnan hit with the Chelsea youth had produced two goals for score a third. In the final five effort, or was it perhaps a depression of watching oth- players (our new fan club). Imperial. Some might call it minutes of the game, there cunning ploy to engage in ers graduate (whilst we still Well, what went wrong, I hear We came out strong in the textbook hockey, with excel- was a collective awakening some mild flirtation with the have mountains of work to do) you cry? That’s something first half, although not at our lent injection from Womble, of the team and we really did strapping young man who or simply the excitement of the ladies’ first team were best. Flush and Tyson pro- spot on stick-stopping from play well, but unfortunately carried her to the sideline? I Freshers’ Week wearing off, wondering themselves last vided excellent vocal coach- Embryo and immense strikes our last ditch effort wasn’t guess we’ll never know! I’m sure we will get it back Wednesday. The team never ing on the pitch and were from Flush! enough to get the win. As It was a shame to lose this and be eating goal pie again really got in to the swing doing their best to get us in At the start of the second the final whistle blew, one game, but we continue on, soon. Fourths undone by ‘Sexy’ Fourths yet another mullet denied by LSE

FOOTBALL brew. Eventually he made it vital. Imperial were riding FOOTBALL who got themselves in front. A the afro threaded an amaz- to the box where he hit a their luck with Vanni mak- free kick was awarded on the ing finish around Vanni and UCL Men’s 4th 2 cross-shot which the keeper ing some good saves, and Imperial Men’s 4th 3 right-hand edge of the box, into the corner. The response Imperial Men’s 4th 1 (the identical twin of our Shinguards blocking one on LSE Men’s 4th 3 and while the defence were from Imperial was immedi- own Tom Clifton) parried to the line. Sadly UCL eventu- muttering amongst them- ate though, as Shwin restored By Michael Nicholson the feet of Shwin’s, who just ally got the crucial goal, when By Michael Nicholson selves about how this one the two-goal advantage with a had to roll it in. One-nil and their lanky striker, and the would really suit a left-footer, deflected shot after good work This was the Fourths’ first cruising. proud owner of another mul- It was a sad day for Imperial’s up stepped Shwin to loop a from Perry, who had replaced challenge against one of our Sadly we were having let (what is it with us and mul- Fourths as they failed to beat right-footed shot over the wall the terminally injured Jai at serious promotion rivals, and trouble at set pieces, with leted strikers), ran from an a decent LSE side despite and into the net. There’s a half time. despite starting the game free headers being gifted at obvious offside position and playing, in the words of cap- reason why defenders aren’t Still Imperial’s penchant well, we were eventually every corner and free kick. rounded to Vanni to score. tain Vanni, their “sexiest foot- allowed near any free kicks. for losing soft goals came denied any points thanks to Eventually, one of their big Ant, refereeing, had to go with ball” of the season. Seconds later, the Hippy back to haunt them, as first a another piece of highly dubi- defenders got his head on to a the decision of their linesman, In response to the first burst through midfield and mix-up allowed the Afro time ous refereeing. corner from the left, resulting the “ginger whinger”, and the defeat at the hands of UCL, hit a decent shot from range, and space on the right, and As usual we started slowly, in the ball bouncing around goal stood. the Fourths made a number with his now fully clothed his cross picked out his fel- but luckily we held firm and the box. Sadly their striker Still we had chances to pull of changes. Controversially, right foot. Much to his annoy- low striker who struck with gradually dug in to get a reacted more quickly than the game back, with Dave Aldridge-Carlos kept his ance, it crashed off the bar a good right foot shot. Then, decent foothold in the game, Shinguards, and hooked in a shanking a half chance, and place at left-back ahead of and found its way to Chris unbelievably, for the third culminating in another goal decent finish past a helpless the ‘keeper smothering well the returning Ed Goh, whose on the left. Being a physicist, time in the match, Imperial for Shwin. Most of the credit Vanni. from Jai. The final whis- sore something-or-other must Chris measured the wind- were caught out by a long ball for the goal should go to At half time Ant was tle came just too soon, and have healed. Michael Hughes speed, checked his angles and over the top. Vanni misjudged Aldridge-Carlos who blasted replaced in midfield by Dave Imperial were subjected, slipped into central midfield, smacked a goal of the season the flight of the ball, and his down the left wing with all and, with the rain continu- unluckily, to their first defeat alongside Dave the Hippy, contender into the top right hesitation was fatal as the the grace of a giraffe on some ing to pour, it became evident of the season. Still, heads up who turned up to the match corner. LSE striker got there first and of Adrian Mutu’s special that the next goal would be boys! Lots to play for. wearing shirt, tie, and… flip- Two-nil and coasting, bent it around the stranded flops. To the amusement of Vanni’s team-talk centred on ‘keeper to even things up. everyone, the aforementioned not conceding stupid goals. That’s how it ended, but footwear forced him to suffer How that would come back Imperial can take heart from the indignity of rejection from to haunt him. Two minutes another great display. As Results the fine establishment that is after the restart, LSE’s afro- soon as the back line learn Cheapskates. haired sub got the break of to protect the good work of GOLF Imperial Men’s 3rd 49 To the match itself, and for the ball on the corner of the the forwards, victories, and WEDNESDAY UCL Men’s 3rd 0 the fourth time in four games box. Vanni was caught in no hopefully promotion, will be Imperial Men’s 1st 4 for the Fourths, it was Imperial man’s land, and to his credit, certain. 27 OCTOBER LSE Men’s 1st 2 Portsmouth Women’s 1st 15 Imperial Women’s 1st 0 BADMINTON HOCKEY Wye Women’s 1st 17 Imperial Men’s 1st 8 Imperial Men’s 1st 4 GKT Women’s 1st 0 Huge haul for Bonzani Surrey Men’s 1st 0 Portsmouth Men’s 1st 8 SQUASH Imperial Women’s 1st 6 Imperial Men’s 2nd 1 GKT Women’s 1st 2 Kent Men’s 2nd 0 UCL Men’s 2nd 2 brings Imperial victory Imperial Men’s 3rd 1 BASKETBALL Brunel Men’s 2nd 12 Imperial Men’s 3rd 0 Imperial Women’s 1st 4 BASKETBALL before tip-off. With the loss of one of our Essex Men’s 1st 66 Royal Holloway Women’s 1st 1 A capacity crowd of 30 players to the Chelsea game, Imperial Men’s 1st 80 Imperial Women’s 1st 2 Essex Men’s 1st 66 witnessed a tit-for-tat first the Imperial boys were Hertfordshire Women’s 1st 3 TENNIS Imperial Men’s 1st 80 quarter with multiple lead searching for an answer, FOOTBALL changes against a full ten and they found it in the NETBALL London Met Men’s 2nd 10 By Nathaniel Kajumba player Essex team. Weary of form of zone defence. This Essex Men’s 1st 0 Imperial Men’s 1st 0 being run into the ground, threw Essex for a loop and Imperial Men’s 1st 0 GKT Women’s 1st 58 After holding up two trains Imperial used tactical substi- revived the Imperial offence. Imperial Women’s 1st 23 Roehampton Men’s 1st 8 and taking a combined six tutions by our non-existent Frustrated and physically Imperial Men’s 2nd 1 Imperial Men’s 2nd 2 hour journey, the Imperial coach (applications to our outmatched, the Essex play- Canterbury CC Men’s 2nd 2 Imperial Women’s 2nd 21 College men’s first team were Student Activities Centre ers took to fouling, which left Portsmouth Women’s 4th 33 victorious against Essex. pigeonhole please) to keep their four best players out on Imperial Men’s 4th 3 SATURDAY With six and a half play- us sprightly. the bench. LSE Men’s 4th 3 RUGBY ers, we encountered our Spirits were high going into It was a hard-fought game, 30 OCTOBER first opponent: delays on half time with an eight point but Imperial triumphed with Imperial Men’s 6th 1 Imperial Men’s 1st 35 the Piccadilly Line. Reliably, lead. This was short-lived as a final score of 80-66, thanks King’s Men’s 7th 1 King’s Men’s 1st 5 FOOTBALL London public transport Essex made a third quarter largely to the 39 points posted left our team five minutes run and left the score tied at by Ian Bonzani and the 21 Imperial Men’s 7th 2 Brunel Men’s 2nd 67 Imperial Men’s 2nd 1 to change, warm up and 52 as we entered the fourth recorded by last minute draft RVC Men’s 2nd 5 Imperial Men’s 2nd 0 LSE Men’s 1st 2 impress the Essex ladies quarter. Laurie Neale. Felix 24 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 4 November 2004

Sport [email protected] Kings of the Hill

CROSS COUNTRY London Colleges League RESULTS MEN’S TEAMS By Sebastian Venus 1. St Mary’s College 440 2. Imperial College 364 Another year, another suc- 3. LSE 343 cess, and the Imperial College 4. King’s College 326 running machine rolls on. University of Reading 326 Although the St Mary’s run- 6. University College 302 ners did do rather well, they 7. Brunel University 296 have a distinct advantage in 8. Imperial College II 287 that they all study degrees in 9. King’s College II 224 running – how lame. 10. LSE II 186 Thus, despite the race win- 11. Royal Holloway 120 ner being some smuggled 12. Surrey University 76 Kenyan athlete in a St Mary’s vest, Imperial were the best WOMEN’S TEAMS among the London colleges, 1. St Mary’s College 229 and we won the moral vic- 2. Brunel 228 tory: the epic ‘King of the Hill’ 3. University College 209 battle. The annual sprint to 4. St Mary’s College II 194 5. Imperial College 187 “The annual sprint 6. King’s College 184 7. University of Reading 178 to the top of 8. King’s College II 154 9. LSE 116 Parliament Hill 10. Brunel University II 107 was won by our 11. University College II 102 12. Royal Holloway 96 very own Dave ances from newbies Danny ‘suicide’ Xiong...” and Nick. Congratulations also to all the new mem- the top of Parliament Hill bers on their virgin races (which you may or may not for the club. Needless to say, know is the highest point in racing of an alcoholic nature London) at the very begin- continued until late into ning of the race was this year the night, culminating in a won by our very own Dave deserved victory for Imperial ‘suicide’ Xiong, pipping Chris – we may not be able to do ‘Mullet’ Mullington to the degrees in running, but peak’s summit. there’s always one event The club’s new recruits we’re sure to win. backed up the heroic efforts Everything’s more fun in the mud: Imperial’s Cross Country Club pose for the camera after a successful race in London of old timers such as Chris, ● Also in Sport this week: Gavin (very old) and Ankit Mary’s runners forgot that does not constitute sporting from the Imperial team, in not without a party trick or Football page 23 by triumphing over the they were there to run and behaviour. remembrance of the past leg- two. Rugby page 22 other London participants. not to hit on professional ath- The race began in tradi- end who came last in every We were boosted by our Hockey page 23 However, I personally letes (us) – they will have to tional style with the ritual race but won all the post-race highest turnout ever, with Basketball page 23 became concerned as the St learn that “buttock-pinching” chanting of “Gary Hoare” drinking competitions, and notably spectacular perform- Ultimate Frisbee page 22

Quick Crossword by Cactus

1 1 2 3 4 4 5 6 7 Across Down 1. Fleshy part of soft palate (5) 2. Student of STIs (13) 7 8 9 4. Wide open (mouth) (5) 3. Similar (4) 10. Pocket scarves (13) 5. UK NSA (1,1,1,1) 10 11. The red planet (4) 6. Childrens’ doctor (13) 10 12. Wildebeest (3) 7. Any point of the compass (5) 13. 109 (4) 8. Donation of blood (11) Send your answers to 11 12 13 16. Voice pompous opinion (11) 9. Indian tea (5) [email protected] or bring 19. Car bonnet (4) 14. Pig pen (3) this page to the Felix office in 14 15 20. 23rd letter of Greek alphabet (3) 15. Very cold (3) the West Wing of Beit Quad 21. In place of (4) 17. Inspect (5) 16 16 24. Student of illegal acts (13) 18. Civilian clothes (5) 25. Book of maps (5) 22. Examine orally (4) Issue 1303 solution 17 18 26. Smelly animal (5) 23. Security device (4) A C C O M M O D A T I O N B H Z A D D E D K V E 19 20 21 N A E V I M E N A I O L I O J S R N I I M T R T G 24 22 23 25 R A S H S P L Y P M Y T H M B A C A E E M P L B A C E S P E L L Z O O 24 L E L P P C K G E N U I N D Y T S H Y N S C A R T O W I S N P A K R I H I N E R T F R R B E A N O 29 25 26 E L B O R A O L O S O S E L F A D D R E S S E D