Former Prodigy Star Assaults Imperial Student at Union

Imperial innovation Bouncy boxing Cheeky monkeys Sword sport The puffer fish and cancer This, and ten other photos Daren King’s new novel The Fencing Club compete research, page 5 from Freshers Week, page 15 Jim Giraffe reviewed, page 21 in Hong Kong, page 24

The student newspaper of Imperial College ● Established 1949 ● Issue 1301 ● Thursday 14 October 2004 ● www.felixonline.co.uk

Change of heart The President of Imperial College Union offered his res- Former Prodigy star assaults ignation on Tuesday morning but then withdrew it a day later. uNEWS page 2 Imperial student at Union Own Man Utd Forget supporting the big- By Dave Edwards gest football club in the world Editor – own them! It’s not quite as ridiculous as it sounds... An Imperial College student uBUSINESS page 4 was assaulted in dBs last Wednesday by Keith Flint, the Mobile mysteries former Prodigy vocalist, and “Mobile networks in the UK two other men. are known to be dodgy when Mr Flint, 35, and his new it comes to educating poten- band Clever Brains Fryin’, tial customers about the true played live at the Union cost of using their services.” as part of Freshers Week. uCOMMENT page 7 During their performance, the student, who does not Rat race wish to be named, was appar- “We decided to hide with ently dancing the ‘macarena’ our water guns and launch a in front of the stage. This may surprise attack from behind, have offended the band mem- showering all the racers and a bers. According to witnesses, fair few passers by as well.” Mr Flint and two of his col- uCL UBS AND SOCIETIES leagues then jumped down off page 8 the stage and began to punch Shooting success? “The student A report on a mixed year for the Imperial College Union was left with Rifle and Pistol Club. uSPORT page 23 cuts and bruises to the head and face”

the student, who was left with cuts and bruises to the head and face. A friend who stepped in to help the student was also attacked. The pair were then forcibly removed from the Members of the Rifle and venue by Mr Flint’s body- Pistol Club guards, and the band contin- ued to play. Later that night, police officers questioned THIS WEEK the band members and the News page 2 student, who eventually Business page 4 decided not to press charges. Science page 5 According to a senior Union Comment page 6 source, the police were pre- What’s on page 12 pared to make arrests on the scene for actual bodily Keith Flint (centre) and two of his colleagues leave Beit Quad after being questioned by police Music page 16 harm. Nightlife page 19 It has been suggested that said anything offensive to an isolated incident in an oth- as their front man, reaching vocalist Cherequi and DJ Arts page 20 the student’s actions immedi- the band.” erwise successful Freshers number one in the UK sin- Jason Laid Bare. They are Books page 21 ately prior to the incident may The band denied any wrong- Week for Imperial College gles chart with Firestarter currently touring the coun- Fi lm page 22 have provoked the attack. doing, and it should be noted Union. and Breathe in 1996. Clever try. It has been confirmed Crossword page 23 However, a close friend of his that the majority of the dBs Mr Flint last performed Brains Fryin’ are a new dance that they will not appear told Felix: “Knowing the guy, audience enjoyed their per- with The Prodigy two years band, featuring Flint, MC at Imperial College Union Sport page 23 I can’t imagine he would have formance. The assault was ago. He enjoyed huge success Sir Real, MC Bad Manner, again. Felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

NEWS [email protected]

Issue 1301 Union President offers Editor Dave Edwards Business Editor resignation, then changes mind Numaan Chaudhry Science Editor Darius Nikbin Council to take vote of confidence on Monday Music Editor By Dave Edwards on, and was confident that Andrew Sykes Editor he was “the best person for the job”. However, he decided Nightlife Editor Mustafa Arif, President of to submit himself to a vote Simon Clark Imperial College Union, of confidence at Monday’s Arts Editor offered his resignation on Union Council meeting. Paola Smith Tuesday morning but then He told Felix: “Do I look withdrew it a day later. like a quitter? Richard Walker Books Editor In an email to the Union [the Deputy President (Clubs Martin Smith Council Chair and the and Societies)] and I stood for Film Editor College’s Clerk to the Court election in 2003 with manifes- Alan Ng and Council, Mr Arif said: “I tos of things that we wanted no longer believe that I am to achieve to make Imperial With thanks to up to the job. I don’t think a better place. We were able Tim Aplin it’s in anyone’s best inter- to do many of the little things William Turner ests for me to continue in [last year], but few of the big office. In accordance with the things, and that was down Felix Regulations, I therefore here- to the steep learning curve Beit Quad by offer my resignation as of being a sabbatical officer. Prince Consort Road President of Imperial College That was why we stood for re- London SW7 2BB Union.” election last year – because we needed a second year to Telephone: 020 7594 8072 “There’s no way finish the job, having learnt Email: [email protected] how to do it in the first year. Web: www.felixonline.co.uk I’m not going to There’s no way I’m not going to see it through.” Registered newspaper see it through” In an official statement, the ISSN 1040-0711 President said: “After much Mr Arif was first elected to thought I have come to the Copyright © Felix 2004 the post of Union President conclusion that it is in the “Not a quitter”: Mustafa Arif at a tuition fees protest last year in March 2003, and was voted best interests of the Union Printed by Sharman and in to serve a second term in that I continue in office and Company, Peterborough February this year. serve out the remainder of Mustafa Arif, MEng (Lond) ACGI Students and staff were my term. I have therefore shocked at the news when advised the Chairman of December 1979 Born it emerged on Tuesday. The Union Council and the Clerk timing of the decision was to the College’s Court and September 1999 Begins degree in Information Systems Engineering at Imperial particularly surprising, com- Council of my decision to con- College London ing at the beginning of the tinue in post, which they have academic year and just after accepted. I shall, however, March 2001 Elected President of City and Guilds College Union a successful Freshers Week. be submitting myself to a When Felix asked him why vote of confidence at Union March 2003 Elected President of Imperial College Union he had offered to resign, Mr Council on Monday 18 October Arif replied: “Hey. Things 2004.” October 2003 Graduates from Imperial with MEng happen.” By Wednesday, the ● State of the Union, February 2004 Re-elected President of Imperial College Union President had decided to stay page 6 Selecting more state school pupils may breach human rights of those rejected By Emily Gwyer applauded by private schools, In addition, earlier in the Whether the admissions which funded his research. year Bristol University were policy of Bristol does contra- The government’s plans for They claim that to reject an accused of ‘social engineer- vene human rights is an issue widening access to universi- applicant simply on the basis ing’ for admitting state school that will have to be decided in ties were dealt a blow this of his attending a private pupils with lower grades than the courts, but the report may week, when a report was pub- school is to breach his human their private school rivals. persuade the Government lished claiming that select- rights. The problems with that the way forward for ing more students from state admission stem from the admissions is to develop tests schools rather than private Government’s wish to have and interviews that examine schools (so-called ‘positive “Universities 50% of pupils in higher educa- the ability to learn of the discrimination’) could be in tion, which will require many student, and not the level breach of human rights law. must be free more state school pupils of coaching that has taken The report admitted that of government being successful. Critics say place. Taking students’ back- state school pupils did bet- that the only way to achieve grounds into account in the ter at university than their interference this fairly is to have a much admissions process may be private school rivals, but more transparent admis- fairer, but this also demands claimed that universities in student sions system, with students a lot of time in interview and must be allowed to be free applying to universities only cannot ever form a perfectly of government interference admissions” after they know their A level fair system. in student admissions, and results. Other suggestions Whichever selection meth- should be able to select stu- This is another blow in include individual module od does take place in the dents solely on merit. the Government’s long-run- marks appearing on the future, it seems certain to The report was written ning admissions saga, which UCAS form, and the develop- be post-results, meaning that by Alan Smithers, from the foundered this week when ment of new aptitude tests, applications are not wasted University of Buckingham figures revealed that Oxford like those already being used and only those students with (the only private universi- had admitted 20% fewer state in medical and veterinary the appropriate grades need ty in the country) and was school pupils than its target. school admissions. apply to a particular course. Who gets to come here? Who decides? UBSA • EU409 Felix Imperial Co 10/9/04 17:03 Page 1

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Business [email protected] Forget supporting Man Utd. Own them! Numaan Chaudhry’s one stop guide to owning the biggest football club in the country

The proposal millions through sports bet- ting. Malcolm Glazer, the billion- However, Glazer has shown aire tycoon, made clear his himself to be clearly ahead of plans to take over Manchester the mark by opting for back- United as early as next week ing from the highly respected using a securitisation deal to American investment bank, help fund his venture. JP Morgan. The current 300 This is the second secu- pence per share offer would ritisation deal within a fort- value the club at over £780m, night to hit the UK markets, but this is likely to rise sig- after an earlier bid by Land nificantly as McManus and Securities, the UK’s biggest Magnier hesitate on the offer property company, to re- and demand a higher price. issue asset-backed bonds and If Glazer can succumb to the increase their debt rating. pair’s needs, his next chal- Glazer’s history of accumu- lenge would be to evade the lating wealth dates back to thorny arms of Shareholders when he made his millions United, a commitee set up through owning large stakes to ensure that control of the in what later turned out to club stays with its fans and be very successful organiza- not with wealthy individuals tions, including Formica and or big businesses. Harley Davidson. He also Next, Glazer will have to owns Tampa Bay Buccaneers, wrestle with the Manchester who, although they are cur- Education Committee, whose rently at the bottom of their invasion of the pitch during respective American league United’s latest game showed table, have had their profit- their resentment of Glazer’s able moments. move and their strength in numbers. It is worth pointing The attack out that it was these same commitees and alliances In order for Glazer and his that battled against Rupert two sons to own Manchester Murdoch succesfully almost Shock: United fans will soon feel the effect of increased ticket prices as a direct result of the takeover United, they need to over- six years ago. home four major hurdles Having steered his way it was advance planning or articles, should look away the reader could be the Challenge, as might be obvi- and about 100 small ones. past all that, Glazer will most just luck, only he knows, but now to avoid a panic attack. one deciding the face of the ous from it’s name, is for those Glazer has yet to offer an probably come head to head Glazer has already secured a Glazer will, like any other club in just over four years. who have an innovation that unrefusable premium to the with Keith Harris, chair- 19% stake in the club through smart investor, recoup his Although I promote ‘get they are prepared to present club’s two biggest sharehold- man of Seymour Pierce, the his family’s equity holdings. losses by exploiting your pas- rich quick’ schemes heavily, to a panel of judges. And the ers, JP McManus and John London based investment sion of watching your favour- this time I will restrain myself reward? Apart from listening Magnier, in order to obtain bank that has issues over The payoff ite club play. Ticket prices and inform you of another to inspiring speeches by suc- their share. £450m in equity. for home matches at Old genuine way to make real cessful entrepreneurs, there The chances that McManus If Glazer reaches this stage, It is almost certain that Trafford could increase by up money. are opportunities to compete and Magnier will bow to the a fierce battle will no doubt if Glazer were to own to £15 and, combined with the I received an email just a in a range of competitions tentative offers made by ensue, and both men cur- Manchester United, his first proposed increase in seating, few days ago inviting me to an with prizes ranging from Glazer, including a premium rently have a 50–50 chance of move would be to regain the could easily generate enogh ‘Entrepreneurs’ Challenge’. £250 to £25,000. That won’t be that could see them gain a owning the club. The reader losses incurred as a result revenue in one year to make It started off: “If you’ve ever enough to affect Manchester £17m profit, are currently may at this point be thinking of the takeover, which are Glazer’s takeover well worth said to someone that you’ve United, although receiving very slim. The pair are no “Good luck Glazer, you fool”, expected to run into millions. it. got this really good idea that’s advice from expert consult- strangers to the risks asso- but it is worth considering But what will be his method- going to pay for that Ferrari ants and raising investment ciated with misplacing their that he has a massive advan- ology in balancing his books? Your intervention [Scaglietti, obviously], then capital to make your idea a investments, especially as tage that could be the turning United fans, as much as here is the place to prove it.” reality, like many have done they themselves made their point in this affair. Whether you may enjoy reading these It may seem far fetched, but The Entrepreneurs’ in the past, will. Entrepreneurs’ Challenge launch By Beccy Knights The launch party is your undergraduate and post- offers students the opportu- the team. experience available to them Entrepreneurs’ Challenge opportunity to learn how graduate, and is run by the nity to present a full business Our teams have been suc- as they put their business Manager you can get involved. Piers Entrepreneurship Centre in plan for a chance to win the cessful in London-wide as plans together. Robinson, Student Business the Tanaka Business School. first prize of £25,000 in cash well as international busi- If you would like to come “If you’ve ever said to some- Mentor, will be explaining You do not need to have prior and services, one of two run- ness plan competitions, prov- to the launch party on one that you’ve got this really how you can enter and win business or commercial ners-up prizes of £5,000 in ing Imperial’s students to be Tuesday 19 October, please good idea that’s going to pay one of the many prizes. Be experience to enter. Previous cash and services, or a final- among the best at developing email the Challenge team at for that Ferrari, then here is inspired by successful entre- winners have come from ist cash prize of £1,000. and presenting ideas. Some [email protected]. Spaces the place to prove it.” preneur Dan Germain, one a variety of departments, Weekly presentations take teams have also gone on to are limited. Hope to see you This is the fifth year of of the founders at Innocent such as Physics, Medicine, place to help you develop your raise investment capital to there! Imperial College’s big- drinks, plus hear from previ- Mechanical Engineering and business plan idea, includ- make their businesses a real- gest business plan compe- ous winners what they gained Biological Sciences. ing how to generate ideas, ity. ● The launch party for tition, the Entrepreneurs’ from entering the competi- The ‘Ideas Challenge’, the how to protect your ideas, The competition attracts the Entrepreneurs’ Challenge. Each year, over tion. The Challenge organis- first part of the competition, thinking about your market, companies such as McKinsey, Challenge commences £55,000 worth of prizes are ers will also be on hand to runs in the autumn term and developing a product, ways IBM, Psion, Shell, HP, HSBC, on Tuesday 19 October in awarded to students. Come answer to any questions at a asks for a 2–3 page summary to finance your business, Barclays Capital, Amadeus Mechanical Engineering along to our launch party on networking and drinks ses- of a business idea. Ten £1,000 and how to write a business Capital and Innocent Drinks room 220 at 6.30pm. It Tuesday 19 October and find sion held afterwards at the prizes and ten £250 prizes will plan. Teams can also gain to sponsor the competition is followed by refresh- out how you can enter and Tanaka Business School. be awarded to the winners at advice from consultants and or pass on their expertise to ments in the LG foyer have the opportunity to win The Challenge is open to this stage. In the spring term, use the competition to find our students, meaning that of the Tanaka Business £25,000! all Imperial College students, the ‘New Business Challenge’ people who will strengthen entrants have a wealth of School. Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

Science [email protected] Imperial innovation in cancer research Imperial College stands at the cutting edge of cancer research. This week Emma Williams investigates some recent innovations and talks to the scientists now in the front line Do you like sushi? Imperial identified as voltage-gated TTX for treating pain and College scientists have dis- sodium channels (VGSCs) heroin addiction, the pros- covered that the puffer fish and were expressed specifi- pect of utilising TTX for pre- (‘fugu’), a Japanese delicacy cally in prostate and breast vention (or cure) of cancer known for its deadly after- cancer cells that had the abil- metastasis remains difficult. taste, may be able to reduce ity to metastasise. In the meantime, recent the spreading of cancerous Prostate cancer affects advances by the Imperial cells, otherwise known as 50% of men by the age of 50. group have been in the devel- metastasis. Treatment includes drastic opment of a novel antibody When metastasis occurs, surgery which can result in that exploits the fact that it treatment becomes difficult extreme functional problems. is the embryonic form of the and so new ways to diag- Breast cancer, although more sodium channels that have nose the potential metastatic easily detectable, affects one an increased response dur- tumour and suppress it are in nine women, both young ing cancer progression. In needed. The puffer fish pro- breast cancer, this embryi- duces a toxin called tetro- “There is a onic ion channel differs from dotoxin (TTX), which can the adult form by 7 amino be deadly since it blocks the possibility that the acids and so would allow the activity of certain ion chan- antibody will be antibody enough specificity nels, normally found in nerve to ‘lock’ onto and block the and muscle cell membranes. used for early and channel. It is so deadly that only the In the same way that TTX most skilled (and licensed) definitive diagno- blocked the channel and Japanese chefs can prepare sis and therapy reduced metastatic behav- Puffer fish produce terodotoxin (TTX), a neurotoxin which blocks ion channels associated, the dish. iour, it is hoped that the anti- according to researchers, with the spreading (or ‘metastasis’) of cancer tumours So why is this toxin impor- of breast cancer body will do the same. tant in cancer research? The metastasis” Scott Fraser, a post-doc- nel blocker.” locality of application can be most common cancers in the Imperial group is a part of the toral scientist in the group, However, it seems that uti- controlled”. world. The charity also raises Biological Sciences depart- and old. In many cases, the told Felix: “There is the pos- lising the same approach for The group’s research is money by organising various ment. Led by Professor primary tumour is not the sibility that the antibody will the prostate cancer VGSC well-funded by a number of social and sporting events Mustafa Djamgoz, the team killer, so the ability to dis- be used for early and defini- will be more difficult due to organisations, including the through the PCRF Support of PhD and post-doc scien- tinguish early whether or tive diagnosis and therapy of the channel sequence differ- Medical Research Council, Group and volunteers. tists were the first to dis- not a tumour will metasta- breast cancer metastasis.” ing by only one amino acid. Cancer Research UK, the cover that the ability of pros- sise would save many men Head of the group, Professor Professor Djamgoz con- Wellcome Trust and the l If you would like to tate and breast tumours to and women from devastating Djamgoz, commented: “It’s a cluded by saying: “I am still BBSRC. A series of public know more about the metastasise involved the surgery. The expression of good old channel and it is a (also) very optimistic for the relations exercises also led research or support expression of TTX-sensitive VGSCs in prostate and breast viable target for treatment of use of natural toxins in the to the establishment of a the PCRF, you can visit ion channels. In other words, cancer may be a novel way of metastatic disease. The anti- therapy of metastatic dis- registered charity (the Pro www.prostatecrf.org (or they found that aggressive detecting if the tumour will body works as a ‘magic bul- ease. After all, botulinum Cancer Research Fund, or www.bio.ic.ac.uk/staff/ tumours seem to become metastasise. let’ which can either deliver toxin (“botox”) is equally PCRF) that supports the mbad) or donate directly excitable, rather like nerves Despite on-going phase II drugs directly to the tumour lethal but works because it neuroscience approach to through www.justgiving. and muscles. These were clinical trials of the use of cell or itself become the chan- so specific and its dose and finding novel solutions to the com Directed bacterial evolution to help develop decaf coffee

By Kate Wighton Chemists Justin Gallivan enzyme was then introduced Gallivan. Science Communication and Shawn Desai, who are into the bacteria. The fact that the bacteria behind the work, essentially To ensure that the bacteria now need theophylline for Still searching for drink- used bacteria as miniature needed this enzyme for sur- survival may increase the able decaffeinated coffee? chemical reactors. vival, the chemists designed enzymes’ efficiency. “We hope Bacteria may be the answer. In this case, the bacteria a ‘survival switch’. This to use this process, known In a study to be published were engineered to depend switch recognised theophyl- as directed evolution, to help in the Journal of the America on theophylline, the prod- line and turned on a protein speed up the enzyme to break Chemical Society, scientists uct of caffeine breakdown. that would give the bacte- down coffee faster,” Gallivan have claimed to have engi- However, the bacteria would ria antibiotic resistance. says. neered bacteria to produce a not make the theophylline However, only caffeine was The more efficient enzyme molecule responsible for the made available to the bac- could then be introduced back breakdown of caffeine. This “At the end of the teria. As Gallivan explained, into coffee plants, and voila: molecule could be introduced “they now need the break- decaffeinated coffee straight into coffee plants to create day, we will know down product (theophylline) from the plant. decaffeinated plants, result- that all of the sur- of the enzyme for survival, The research is still in its ing in good-tasting, naturally but they can’t do much with early stages. Interestingly, decaffeinated coffee. viving bacteria have caffeine”. whether the alteration of the In coffee plants, caffeine Hence exposing the bacteria rate of caffeine breakdown is produced very quickly but ‘learned’ to break to the antibiotic would force would have any physiological broken down very slowly, down caffeine” them to rely on the enzyme effect on the plant was not hence the high caffeine con- to perform the decaffeinating mentioned. tent. This slow breakdown is molecules under normal con- reaction, produce theophyl- However, even if this work due to a slow-acting decaf- ditions. This problem was line, and in turn switch on does lead to good decaffein- feinating enzyme. The team overcome by making the bac- the antibiotic resistance and ated coffee, there is still an at Emory University, Georgia teria dependent upon theo- survive. age-old question that this engineered bacteria to pro- phylline for survival. “At the end of the day, research cannot answer: duce a faster version of this To isolate the enzyme we will know that all of the what is the point in drinking decaffeinating enzyme, which responsible for converting surviving bacteria have coffee if you don’t get the caf- can then be reintroduced into the caffeine to theophyl- ‘learned’ to break down caffeine kick? coffee plants, enabling the line (the product of caffeine feine to theophylline, and plants to rapidly break down breakdown), DNA thought to thus contain the enzyme that l Further reading: caffeine. code for the decaffeinating we’re interested in,” says www.emory.edu Decaf coffee: bacterial evolution could give it more flavour Felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

Comment [email protected] Trust, doughnuts and power

What are more important? the candidates are all rubbish). commodity we can buy or sell. It’s prove themselves. What appears to Doughnuts or votes? More votes means that your depart- STATE OF easy to destroy but very difficult to be ‘wrong’ may turn out to be ‘right’ ment has more reason to listen to rebuild. in the end. The case for doughnuts: your views when making changes THE UNION Union Officers are “trustees” under Doughnuts are generally quite to courses and facilities that affect English charity law. Nevertheless, Resignation? nice. The texture of a doughnut is you. trust is more deep-rooted than that. a work of art that tickles the fancy What’s more, this year, Imperial As elected officers, we have to oper- You may have heard that I’m quit- of the taste buds of many of the College Union is trialling ‘Mustafa’s ate on a principle of trust. You have ting. I’m not a quitter. I was elect- great and good. Doughnuts, when club and society bonus funding to believe that we hold your best ed to a job. I shall see it through they have fillings, provide a sensu- bonanza’. It’s very simple. When you interest interests at heart. You have because I know I’m the best person ous gastronomical experience. They cast your vote, you get to nominate to have faith in us to represent your to see it through, even if the pres- are great cold and fantastic hot, but a Union club or society to receive an views accurately and to the best of sure sometimes gets a bit much. whatever you do, don’t put them extra 25p of funding to their budget. our ability. You have to trust us to do End of story. This week’s other news in the microwave (the filling heats Let’s put that in perspective. Four ‘the right thing’ – when no-one actu- stories are more interesting and much, much, faster than the dough votes give your club £1. That’s five ally knows what ‘the right thing’ is, important. and you’ll burn your tongue). You Tesco doughnuts for the price of other than that their idea is different can buy a packet of five doughnuts four votes. Bonus. No brain-er, any- to everyone else’s. This week’s competition from Tesco for the price of £1. one? MUSTAFA ARIF At the end of the day you have to The case for votes: OK, let’s cut to the chase. From UNION PRESIDENT believe, without any doubt, that your If a Union club or society gets a real- Votes are power. Votes in Union today until the end of the weekend, elected representatives will do their ly, really huge amount of votes cast elections help ensure that the Union you can vote online for members of best – and do what they believe to in the elections (I’m not sure what is representative of your views. Union Council, Committees, ULU Trust be ‘the right thing’ to serve your ‘huge’ means yet since it’ll depend Voting shows the College that you Council and various faculty and interests. If you don’t have such on turnout), then they’ll get a prize. believe in the principle of student departmental vacancies, at www. Elected student officers hold a posi- faith in election candidates, vote I’m not sure what the prize will be representation (even if you just vote union.ic.ac.uk/vote. Do it now. Get tion of trust. What is trust? Trust ‘New Election’. If you do have such yet, but it might involve doughnuts. ‘New Election’ because you think your doughnuts. is not a tangible entity. It’s not a faith then give them a chance to If you’re lucky. The joy of... bike sheds Bike Sheds, bike sheds, bike sheds. rest, as they say, is history. store is by swipe card only, so they ments is an open meeting to which They’ve become urban legends Imperial College has traditionally UNCLE SAM need to know who should be allowed I would like to invite all interested in some schools (and perhaps in been the crime hot-spot of South in there, and in the case where bikes parties, which will also be attended revered institutes of higher educa- Kensington, thanks to the high inci- are stolen on campus, the crime is a by the Assistant Director of Estates, tion), where they are renowned for dence of bike theft and vandalism, lot easier to follow up if the cyclist to discuss cyclists’ concerns. It will exploratory sexual encounters or so in response to this, a few years has registered. be held on Wednesday 20 October at the illicit abuse of drugs. ago, the Union lobbied College for There were teething problems 5pm in the Read Lecture Theatre. But why am I talking about them? secure cycle parking facilities. The with the project, but Estates staff I have also set up a mailing list Well, cyclists’ parking facilities have original plan was to put the facility have promised to improve the condi- for people to stay abreast of the occupied quite a lot of my time under the walkway, but when they tions in the bike store. latest developments. To subscribe, over the summer. The President started to draw up plans for the In addition to the creation of the send an email to bike-users- had received numerous complaints Faculty Building, that was seen as a new facility, there has been a strat- [email protected]. One of regarding the new Faculty Building better location. egy of concentrating cycle parking the things I shall be aiming to do in bike store (that’s in the blue Lego Back in May, when the Building facilities in certain key locations the future is set up a users’ group cube, for the uninitiated) and the had been completed, a College across the campus, where visibil- that can discuss cycle rack issues removal of cycle racks around the notice was sent out informing all SAM RORKE ity and security are good. Another on a regular basis and provide feed- campus. On a long journey back cyclists who wanted to use the new DEPUTY PRESIDENT improvement is the new covered back to Estates, who will hopefully from Birmingham, he asked me if store to register their bikes with racks in Beit Quad, secured through be in a position to improve things. I cycled, to which I foolishly replied College Security. This was neces- (EDUCATION & WELFARE) funding from Transport for London. If you have any views on the topic, that I had been known to, and the sary for two reasons: access to the One of the most exciting develop- please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Be safe on the streets It’s that time of year again, it’s start- Artful Dodger to your Bill Sykes. alone late at night – arrange in a friend if you can and don’t check ing to feel cold, people are starting Muggers will target your wallet and ADVICE SERVICE advance to stay with a trusted friend your money in full view. to wear scarves and heavier coats, your mobile phone, while more vio- or pre-book a taxi. ● Always lock doors, windows, the and some people are being even lent types might want to physically ● Never leave drinks unattended boot and sunroof when leaving your more miserable than usual. Yes harm you. in pubs or clubs. When you go to car, even if it’s only for a minute. folks, winter is coming. Over 100,000 bicycles are reported the toilet, ask your friends to keep ● Never leave belongings in a car In the winter months, it is impor- stolen every year. They are a popu- an eye on your drink. Try to have – even an old coat could tempt a thief tant not only to keep warm, but lar target with thieves because they your drinks in bottles and cover the that there might be something valu- also to keep yourself and your pos- can easily be sold. top with your thumb when walking able in the pockets. If you have to sessions safe. In a couple of weeks, Below you’ll find the Union Advice around. Men’s drinks get spiked too. leave anything, lock it in the boot. the clocks go back and that journey Service’s top ten tips for protect- If you suspect your drink has been ● Keep cars topped up with petrol home suddenly takes place in the ing yourself, your home and your spiked, contact a member of staff or and park in busy, well-lit areas. dark. At these times, it is important wheels: tell a trusted friend. Remember, the Union Advice to be aware of personal and posses- ● Lock your bedroom door, even if ● Don’t show off your cash, mobile Service give out personal safety sion safety issues. Here are some you’re only going to the kitchen or phone or laptop, or leave them lying alarms to students for free. facts, figures and safety tips to help bathroom. NIGEL COOKE around. Never leave your bag, wallet For further advice on all personal you during your time at Imperial. ● Check doors and windows are STUDENT ADVISER or purse unattended, and don’t carry safety issues, please contact the Around one third of students locked at night or when going out your chequebook and card together. Student Adviser, Nigel Cooke, on 020 become victims of crime while at – don’t assume someone else will Take out protection for your credit 7594 8067 or [email protected]. university. Latest Home Office fig- do it. tion number on your student card. cards and note all your card details ures have revealed that domestic ● Make a list of your personal prop- Alternatively, mark property with at home, so you can cancel them ● The Student Adviser will be break-ins rose by 7.9% over the past erty, including the serial number your parents’ postcode. Not only will quickly if they’re stolen. in the JCR today from 11am year and that 11.8% of students in and descriptions. Use an ultraviolet this make it easier to trace stolen ● Try to go to the cash point in day- until 3pm to answer your ques- private accommodation experienced pen to mark electrical and other property but it can help police gain light if possible. Be aware of people tions and give out information, domestic burglary. items with your Imperial College evidence about offenders. standing too close to you, and always personal attack alarms and Street criminals range from your address, followed by your identifica- ● Think ahead. Don’t walk home conceal your PIN. If it’s dark, go with condoms. Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

COMMENT [email protected] Who will you not vote for? In the current political climate, voting for your favourite candidate seems less important than making sure your least favourite candidate doesn’t win

In America you can now get car Perhaps if he did stick to his alleged about their personal lives, announc- support the most likely candidate to stickers in support of John Kerry agreement to step aside and hand ing for example that they enjoyed banish him to the political graveyard which simply read: “He’ll do.” I doubt over the reigns to Gordon Brown, listening to Dido CDs in a bid to – or Bayswater as the post number that this is authorised campaign Labour’s election campaign would convince us that they actually are 10 residence is to be for Tony and merchandise, but it does highlight be a much easier ride. real people. But do we mind if our Cherie. the current trend in politics – it’s The fact that the Prime Minister politicians are a bit stuffy – let’s face UKIP? You’re having a laugh, not that you vote for your favourite has become almost the exclusive it, one of the Tories’ most popular right? Europe may have been candidate, you just don’t vote for hate figure represents the dispar- characters is Boris Johnson, and the big issue at the last election, your least favourite. And in a two ity within the Labour party that nobody would suggest he’s a real but look what the negative policy horse race, that doesn’t leave many could ironically rescue it at the elec- person! now favoured by UKIP did for the options. Kerry isn’t going to publicly tion. Plenty of Labour MPs vocally The second prong of the attack Tories last time around. I’m sorry, base his campaign solely on the fact opposed the war and continue to is the policies. At least the but Robert Kilroy-Silk gives me the that he isn’t George Bush, although do so, and many do an excellent Conservatives have some, but many creeps. At least when he was doing everybody knows that this fact alone job serving their local communities. JAMES ROBINSON seem to have been devised with the talk show you could avoid him will win him plenty of votes in the This could be enough to tip some Daily Mail readers firmly in mind – now he jumps out when you least November poll. anti-war, anti-Blair votes back into president, but it’s lucky for him that – don’t like speed cameras? We’ll expect it, like some monster in a bad This side of the pond, the situation the red territory. I refer to this as he’s not elected as one. scrap them! Immigration: bad! horror film. And when did UKIP (the is remarkably similar, right down to the call centre effect – you get all For those not distracted by local Asylum seekers: evil! It’s all a bit acronym) become ‘Ukip’ as far as the key dividing issue – Iraq. Except riled up with the phone/gas/electric- issues who are determined to get reactionary for my liking, taking on all the papers are concerned? Is it over here, not only do we worry ity/catalogue company, but then get rid of this government, the question the easy targets. Still, it’s worth a too tiring to hold down the shift key about whether the war was right, through to the most pleasant under- is – what, or who, now? The opposi- try – but they should remember for so long? More likely, they want but also the extent to which we, paid telephonist and end up apolo- tion obviously, that’s what they’re that just because people rant about us to forget what it stands for (UK or rather the Government, blindly gising for bothering them with your there for… oh hang on, that’s the things, it doesn’t make them sound Independence Party, in case you followed in America’s footsteps. complaint. Or is that just weak willed Conservatives isn’t it. And Michael political policies. didn’t know), to avoid the continuing Everyone has a view on the issue me? Damn, manipulated again. Howard. Oh... The highlight of the week had to accusations of being a one-policy – plenty against, a few for, and a lot Is it wrong to vote like that? Well Suddenly it becomes a bit more be when Busted added their support party. There are other policies, after of us somewhere in between. technically no – you’re electing your obvious why, despite the Iraq mess, to Howard’s band of merry men. all. Erm... anyone? For those vehemently against the local MP, not the government. It just the election still isn’t clear cut. I honestly don’t know who to feel So where does this leave us? I military action, the next general happens to be the rule that whichev- Having followed the conferences more sorry for. have no idea. Still, that will make for election (which is expected by May er party gets the majority of the seats quite closely this week (I have a stack So with the Conservatives in a an interesting election, I suppose. 2005) will be the long-awaited oppor- (give or take) also gets the keys to of newspapers here that my father state, where does that leave us. The Did you notice that I haven’t really tunity to get rid of Tony Blair. Who Downing Street. The Prime Minister would be proud of), the resounding Lib Dems? Before they even start discussed any of the actual issues in do they vote for instead? Who cares, gets elected by the back door, almost message from Bournemouth seems with policies, they need to get people any significant depth? Should there as long as it’s not Blair. as an afterthought. It sounds daft to be “we’re nice people really, please to take them seriously. There have be so much other stuff to talk about? Blair, Blair, Blair... but what about put like that, but it’s based on the be our friends”, like the unpopular been glimmers of hope, but there Well like it or not it seems that there the rest of the Government? When reasonable assumption that if the kid on the first day of school. are still a lot of people who won’t is. But for those of you who actually criticising the UK’s actions over MPs are popular, so too will be the There are two parts to this – first- vote for them because they think care what these people are standing Iraq, most will blame Tony Blair party leader. Unfortunately this goes ly, shedding the stuffy, grey image it’s a waste of time and effort. The for, if anything at all, next week I’ll directly. Following the brutal and horribly wrong with big issues such embodied by John Major. “A lit- problem is only compounded by the cast my cynical eye on the major tragic murder of Ken Bigley last as Iraq – disagreements occur, and tle less conversation, a little more anti-Iraq movement, with the Tories parties’ views on student funding week, there were claims that “Blair the party fragments. Ironically, in action” echoed around the confer- picking up the vote of Lib Dem sup- and see if any of them can come up has blood on his hands”. Not the this case, it could work in Labour’s ence hall. Shadow cabinet ministers porters who ultimately are more with something resembling a fair, government, not Labour, but Blair. favour. Blair may act like he’s a appeared in video diaries gushing determined to get rid of Blair and so and dare I say effective, solution. Mobile networks: what they try to hide Did you know a five minute call could easily cost you £2? Boon Koh investigates Would you call your friend if you The first six networks mentioned be to get a mobile on the same net- knew it would cost you £2 for five above all offer postpaid/monthly work as most of your friends, other- minutes? If you answered no to that services. This means that you agree wise you might find yourself with a question and are shocked that a five to pay a certain amount of money huge bill! Another difference in the minute call could cost that much, each month in return for a fixed UK is that most incoming calls are then this article is just for you. bundle of call minutes and/or texts. free, so it is often a good idea to get First off, mobile networks in the Alternatively, all of the eight net- someone to call you instead of you UK are especially known to be works (except BT) offer another calling them. Bear in mind, though, dodgy when it comes to educating service called prepay, more com- that calling a friend and hanging up potential customers about the true monly known as pay-as-you-go. This after a ring in order to get them to cost of using their services. Many of means that you pay only for the calls call you back might be the quickest you might have seen ads promising or texts that you make. Generally, way to lose that friendship! “double minutes” or “half price line monthly is better for people who Thankfully, some networks have rental”, but upon reading the itsy consistently call or text a lot, and realized that what customers really bitsy text at the bottom you will dis- prepay is better for those who spo- want is a fixed rate to call any net- cover that there are as many strings radically use their phones to make work, as remembering which net- Calls can be costly: make sure you get the best mobile deal attached to the offer as there are to quick calls. The bundled minutes in work your friends are on takes up Pinocchio. That is why I have writ- a monthly service is usually cheaper valuable brain power which should are, although I can’t say I am too and Virgin Mobile) appeared to me ten the following guide, for freshers than if you call the exact same min- be conserved for remembering stuff impressed with them. Vodafone and as dull, although there were some and seniors alike, to help guide you utes using prepay, but bear in mind like which pubs offer the cheapest Orange both have student offers, unique points about them. T-Mobile through the labyrinth of choices and that if you don’t use up the minutes pints. Tesco Mobile and Three are with the former giving 250 free texts has cheap off-peak plans for call- to give you the lowdown on each of (perhaps you are on holiday over- both good choices if you call num- a month if you sign up for the £30 ing your friends on weekends, but the networks. seas) in a particular month, they bers on other networks often. Tesco “Anytime 200” plan, and the latter unfortunately they charge you £3 At the moment, there are eight usually cannot be rolled over and charges a flat rate of 20p per minute giving 1000 free texts and 50% off extra if you don’t pay by direct debit. networks available to choose from you end up paying for something to any mobile or landline, and an calls to UK landlines. This, at first, BT Mobile was just boring (perhaps in London. They are Vodafone, you didn’t use. incredibly cheap 10p per minute to seems a good deal (after all, free that’s why I haven’t found a sin- T-Mobile, Orange, O2, Three, BT Unlike many other countries, call- any three numbers of your choice. stuff is best, right?) However, upon gle person on it so far), and Virgin Mobile, Virgin Mobile and Tesco ing a mobile on a different network in On the other hand, there is Three, closer inspection, a 12 or 18 month Mobile is only worthwhile if you text Mobile. Many of you might never UK usually is much more expensive which offers you calls to other net- contract is required, and the phones a lot to other Virgin mobiles (3p per have heard of some of these before, than calling a mobile on the same works at 12p a minute, with calls to on offer look like old stock from the text). but don’t panic, I’ll cover them all network or calling a landline. For Three mobiles at 5p and landlines 1990s. You are better off taking one In a nutshell, there’s a multitude here. In addition to the eight, there example, calling a Vodafone mobile at 10p. of the numerous other plans that of choices out there, and it is best to is another network, Easy Mobile, from an O2 mobile would cost 45p, Some of you might be wondering they offer. choose carefully or you might end expected to be launched by the end whereas an O2 to O2 call would only if there are offers specifically for The other networks that I haven’t up wasting your week’s allowance of the year. cost 15p. Therefore, a good tip would students. I am glad to say that there covered yet (T-Mobile, BT Mobile, on one or two calls. Felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

Clubs & Societies [email protected] “Who’s responsible for the water guns?” In the CGCU Rat Race 2004, several dozen freshers caused havoc as they searched for clues and tried to reach their “unspecified destination”. Henri Ozarovsky and Helen Dawson attempt to put the madness into words

CITY & GUILDS pelting each other with water COLLEGE UNION balloons and water guns. Of course this wasn’t outside as you would have expected, but The first question you must inside the building around be asking yourself is what in anyone and everyone. God’s name is a Rat Race? Naturally, I played dumb and Well, you get a few students had a go at them, because the together, you make them run security guards were waiting around fearlessly and cause at the door (they probably had havoc, and at the same time nothing better to do anyway). you try to get them to an After a bit of negotiation, I unspecified destination. And blagged them out of trouble there you have it, London zoo while they ran off to catch in your back yard. Kind of up with the other teams that like the movie Rat Race, but got away. Imagine Imperial instead of the million dollar under attack from a bunch cash prize and a single des- of guerilla fighters swarming tination, we tweak the rules through the College grounds, and make them go to a dozen and add a few laughs in places, giving away a few between unexpected water things a little more affordable balloon ambushes! to a students’ union. As one of the organisers At first we thought not waiting at the various check many people would turn up, points, it was like watching a but in fact a few dozen came slow motion of frenetic racers along for a couple of hours of making their way to the fin- mayhem. So, after getting the ishing line. It was also prob- teams registered and named, ably one of the funniest things we read them the rules. I’ve ever seen while standing But do freshers ever listen? around South Ken. Absolutely not – it’s not in I felt bad for the museum their innocuous nature, and staff when they saw students Hands in the air: freshers do starjumps on the steps of the Royal Albert Hall, as part of Rat Race 2004 who can blame them? with a bunch of water guns I have to say it’s quite excit- running in and shouting in a from CGCU officers). ing with security guards! Rob for it, only to be caught again ably thinking “What’s wrong ing when teams are ready panic: “Where’s the Raphael At the STA travel check sheepishly took most of the on the other side of campus with those IC students?” and waiting at the start line painting room?” or “Where point on the Sherfield blame while security gave us – this time resulting in sev- I was a bit scared when a (like at a marathon) and then are the dinosaur fossils?” The Walkway, Helen, Caroline and all a “good ticking off” for eral names being put down bunch of police officers drove you throw them the first clue only thought going through Rob waited patiently in their enhanced effect. The entire for reference. past. “Technically” we need but hold them down just to their mind was probably: “We traditional yet garish CGCU conversation was caught on The funniest moment of all a licence to play loud music annoy them, telling them that need emergency back up.” blazers, making the check camera by STOIC TV and it had to be getting the fresh- in a public place, but luckily they have to wait until the Then it hit me: what if they point unmistakable. However, went along the lines of: ers to do star jumps and they didn’t stop. Let’s hope word “go” (how exacerbat- get arrested? the freshers took a while to Security Guard: “Which gymnastics on the steps of we don’t receive a court sum- ing). Then all of a sudden, a We started a water splash get there and we got bored department are you from?” the Albert Hall. How did we mons in next week’s mail. herd of rhinos are running out in front of the Science waiting. So we decided to Rob: “Lots.” manage that? Well, when You could see there was a mad and wild inside Mech Museum and in the College hide with our water guns and Guard: “What are you there’s a cool prize involved, friendly rivalry, which I hope Eng, screaming. Before real- walkway next to STA Travel, launch a surprise attack from doing?” the momentum’s there and we can extend to all Imperial izing what was happening, I and it seemed like almost eve- behind, showering all the rac- Rob: “A Treasure hunt [tri- you’ve got nothing to lose, College Faculty Unions. Let’s couldn’t help but think of the ryone was wet for the most ers and a fair few passers by umphant grin].” then you can pretty much continue to all have a laugh movie Jumanji. part of the Rat Race. It was as well. Guard: “Who’s responsible get freshers to do anything together, because before you Obviously, I’d warned them great to see them all going All hell then broke lose once for the water guns?” you want. And did we hesi- know it, your time at uni is up that running through public with the flow, and just letting the freshers realised they Rob: “Lots of people.” tate? Not for a minute! You and little stories are all that’s places wasn’t the best idea. loose. The groups were get- could get extra points for hit- And so, after Rob finished should have seen everyone’s left. The only thing left to say So what’s the first thing they ting through the check points ting people with water bombs. giving the Security Guards faces, especially the music is that I hope we see you at do? Run like mad through pretty well, (with the aid of a Very soon, the walkway was lots of inherently irrelevant scholars walking out of the one of our next CGCU events. Tanaka once the race starts, few carefully directed hints awash with water and crawl- information, we made a run college, shocked, and prob- Watch this space. A martial art for the 21st century

KRAV MAGA remember in dangerous situ- The overall emphasis is on fun to go to as well as provid- to establish themselves as ations, and combinations of training for “real life” situa- ing high level training. It’s an official Union club soon. strikes, locks and holds to dis- tions, which is reflected in the possible to take on sparring If you’re at all interested, By Alex Gibson able attackers. Training also scenarios practised. There orientated classes too, as well then why not pop along for includes practising with mul- is also a strong fitness ele- as take grades. A number of a free introductory lesson? Krav Maga is one of the lat- tiple opponents, and learning ment, with exercises done to seminars are held through- The Class meets between est martial arts to reach the defences against attackers improve strength, coordina- out the year, with instructors 4.30 and 6pm on Tuesdays, UK. Originally developed by armed with anything from tion, and dexterity. coming from as far afield as at St Stephen’s Church the Israeli Defence Force, it is knives and baseball bats I started training at the the US and Israel to demon- Hall, 48 Emperor’s Gate now taught to everyone, from to firearms. Environment London Academy of Krav strate and discuss new tech- (just off Gloucester Road). the special forces to civilians awareness is also part of the Maga (LAKM) last November, niques. Alternatively, feel free to looking for an effective means course, which can ideally and can highly recommend The LAKM have recently contact me on alexander. of self-defence. prevent you from getting into the instructors for both their opened up a new venue near [email protected], and check Krav Maga uses instinctive a confrontation in the first professionalism and sense of Gloucester Road aimed at out the LAKM website, www. movements that are easy to place. humour – classes are great Imperial students, and hope krav-maga.org.uk. Krav Maga in action Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Thanks and apologies from RAG

RAG fair), will be on Thursday 21 RAG charities (from a former October at midday in dBs. I RAG treasurer no less) must look forward to seeing some be dealt with, so watch out By Chris Jackson of you there. CGCU, we’ll be back. RAG Chair The mention of Freshers The other apology must Fair brings me onto the apol- go to those who were hop- Welcome to another article ogies section. Some might ing to join the pub crawl that from Imperial College Union think that an apology to was mentioned previously RAG which I have the honour the City and Guilds College in these hallowed pages. of fronting this year. Following Union is in the offing for the Sadly, due to a mistake by the on from my previous article, ‘borrowing’ of their mascot Metropolitan Police relating this one is a mixture of thanks Spanner. Others might think to collecting licences, this has and apologies. I am about to say sorry to had to be postponed. With a Firstly, some thanks are the poor Union staff on the bit of luck and no more prob- due to those who visited us at radios who were reportedly lems, it should be back before the Freshers Fair and helped trying to locate it, or to those Christmas. Watch this space! us get our fundraising off the who couldn’t get more press- Other events in the off- zero mark with a nice £108.31 ing problems sorted out due ing include something for for our charities, which are to the radios being clogged Children In Need, which this the Mercury Phoenix AIDS up as people searched for year is on 19 November, and Trust and Cancer Research the aforementioned piece of the World AIDS Day mega- UK. I know this may not be brass. But no, I am apologis- raid on 27 November. This the world’s biggest amount, ing to none of these people, is the perfect chance for all but it is a start, and if you feel and only to the student popu- of you who asked questions we should be raising more lation in general for not man- like “Are you the people who Spanner stolen: Chris (right) shows off the City and Guilds mascot then get involved and make it aging to extort more than £10 run around doing crazy stuff happen! The freshers meet- out of City and Guilds College for charity?” to do just that. seems to think it is a good ing forward to some more of In the meantime, keep an eye ing, for anyone who wants Union President John Collins Keep the date free; details plan for RAG to feature regu- my inane bumblings in the on the RAG website, www. to find out more (or didn’t for Spanner’s safe return. will follow. larly in this publication, so future whenever I feel I have union.ic.ac.uk/rag, for any get round to seeing us at the Such derogatory payments to Finally, Dave (Felix editor) you have the privilege of look- something to tell you about. more minor updates. From Russia with love

SINFONIETTA It began at a moderately through the frozen har- Beerhouse for a grand tour respectable hour on Thursday bour to the fortress island meal and much drinking. morning in a crowded ter- Suomenlinna. Cue mass Here, beer was served in By Nicholas Round minal at Heathrow, pack- snowball fights. Our first con- one litre stein glasses. These ing double basses in bubble cert was that evening in the colossal vessels could have Imperial College is in the wrap and pleading for a more world famous Temppelieukion caused some problems, as privileged position of hav- flexible luggage allowance. kirkko, a church cut out of after the meal it was on to ing several fully fledged Before long, we were touch- a rock, in central Helsinki. our private coaches to drive orchestras. Apart from the ing down at a snowy Helsinki Here we performed the five hours across the Russian grand institution that is the airport for a three day stay William Tell Overture, border to St Petersburg. Symphony Orchestra, there is in Finland. After moving into Elgar’s Cello Concerto Fortunately, a pit stop was the lesser known Sinfonietta the youth hostel where we with soloist Ed Furse, and taken. Crossing the border who, as well as performing were staying, everyone start- Dvorak’s Symphony Number with over 50 drunken stu- two concerts every year, also ed exploring Helsinki which, 8 to an enthusiastic Finnish dents was an experience to organise a tour to foreign for me, involved a fantastic audience. say the least, but with the climes. Previous tours have meal before getting lost on On Sunday morning, after bureaucracy behind us we taken in Paris, Stockholm and the freezing streets. Helsinki the second concert and a arrived in St Petersburg for Barcelona, but the 2004 tour is a quiet city; not surprising night watching rugby in a brunch. was to be a three country as the Finns have a reputa- French bar, the orchestra had Nothing can prepare you Baltic odyssey including four tion for being reserved. to get their hungover selves for the sights and sounds of St concerts, two soloists and a The next day, many peo- to the harbour to take the Petersburg. Our hotel was by lot of vodka. ple took the short boat trip early ferry across the Baltic the River Neva, next to where to Tallinn, capital of Estonia. the Aurora, the famous battle- The ‘church The main entertainments ship that signalled the start of on spilled catered for on the ferry were the revolution, is moored. A blood’, St ballroom dancing and bingo. short walk away was the St Petersburg The Estonian band’s cover of Peter Paul fortress, with its Mrs Robinson was unforget- infamous prison and cathe- cert hall of our hotel, attend- This coming Easter, table – think The Lemonheads dral with its stunning golden ed by an appreciative audi- the orchestra will be off to in 40 years time. spire. Over the river was the ence of fellow guests. All that Vienna, sometime home to Tallinn is one of the best golden dome of St Isaac’s was needed now was an end Mozart and centre of the preserved medieval cities in cathedral, the breathtaking of tour party. This was fuelled musical world for centuries, Europe, and the ancient walls opulence of the Winter Palace by beer at 40p a bottle and and Bratislava, historic capi- and spires were spectacular. and Hermitage museum, and copious quantities of a clear tal of Slovakia. Expectations Highlights included climbing also the must see Russian liquid that is very prominent of another successful tour to the top of the largest tower, Orthodox ‘church on spilled in Russia; its name, along are high after seeing the pic- part of the Estonian parlia- blood’, built on the spot where with the finer details of the tures of Viennese palaces and ment, and a meal at a medie- Tsar Alexander II was mur- night, escape me. Suffice hearing that beer is 30p a pint val restaurant complete with dered. to say there was attempted in Bratislava. Make sure you costumed waiters, authentic To explore this city com- Cossack dancing at one point, don’t miss out. dishes and clay tankards for pletely would take months. and I still have the bruises. Sinfonietta rehearse every Oliver the beer. Russian food and drink was The coaches then took us Monday evening in the Great Coates plays The concert the next day good and cheap, so many of back to Helsinki to catch the Hall. For further informa- the Dvorak featured Oliver Coates play- the orchestra chose to try plane home. Special thanks tion about joining, visit www. Cello Con- ing the Dvorak Cello concerto dishes such as caviar, stur- must go to our conductor Dan union.ic.ac.uk/arts/sinfoni- certo with in another huge church, the geon or an authentic beef Capps, chairman Adam Smith etta. Our next concert will be Imperial Kaarli Kirik, which was on stroganoff. who organised this mammoth on Tuesday 14 December in College a hill overlooking the town. The final concert of the tour tour, and soloists Ed Furse the Great Hall. Look out for Sinfonietta After this, it was off to the was to take place in the con- and Oliver Coates. posters nearer the time.

Do you want thousands of readers to know all about your club or society? Then send YOUR CLUB HERE! an article to [email protected], together with a good quality photograph if possible Felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

FEATURE [email protected] Pursuing photography Imperial gradu ate Alex Holland on the early stages of his career as a freelance photographer

Graduating and leaving university is a big step for anyone – not only finding a job, but choosing the right one. As an Imperial graduate, there are certainly more choices available, from working in industry to working in the City, but very few pursue their interests and try to make a career of them. I am doing just that. Without real- ising it, I was building up my business during university by developing my interest in photography. I took photographs, wrote to readers’ galleries in photographic maga- zines, and designed a website, www. alexfineart.co.uk. The positive feedback I received from people, coupled with my own desire to do something completely different, set me a challenge to pursue a career as a freelance photographer. As soon as I had completed my exams I was out taking photographs and building up my portfolio. Initially I had broad photographic interests in order to get a feel for which area appealed to me the most. However, it is always at the forefront of my mind that it is best to be a master than a jack of all trades. So, although I am still at an early stage in my career, I know I will be concentrating on cityscapes and landscapes in the coming months. Now I have built up a reasonable sized portfolio, it is important to market the images to as wide an audience as possible. I have discovered that, although web-based marketing can work well once you are established, people initially want to see your work before committing to a purchase. So I pursued galleries to exhibit my work. Fortunately, I have been given my debut exhibition Light, Direction, Reflection at the Blyth Gallery at Imperial College (level 5, Sherfield Building) where I am exhibiting photographs of London and Imperial. The three themes symbolise decision-making: initially you have an idea (light) that you follow through by taking a reflection, explores reflection with- certain course of action (direction) in architectural photographs. and finally you reflect on your deci- The black and white photographs sion (reflection). in light are more classical, whilst All photographs in the light theme both direction and reflection show are black and white, helping to contemporary colour photographs, emphasise the contrast within each many of which are of Imperial photograph. Each image shows a College. source of light, whether it be natu- It has been a huge learning expe- ral or manmade, to which your eyes rience so far, planning and setting are drawn. The recognition of this up an exhibition. It can take weeks light should reflect the belief that to obtain the right photographs, you have seen your idea. Having which must then be printed, mounted, framed and hung in the “It can take weeks gallery. Alongside all of this, you have to market yourself, approach to obtain the right potential sponsors and advertise the exhibition. I now understand photographs...” why most photographers spend a month taking photographs, fol- had this idea, you choose to act on lowed by a month solely marketing it and decide on a course of action. them. Although I have only start- Direction symbolises the journey ed relatively recently, I have soon we face in taking a decision, and the found that making new contacts names of the photographs in this frequently is essential: writing a theme are meant to mirror some letter to someone could just spark of the processes we use in deciding an invaluable opportunity. It is that our course of action. Contemplation, element of luck that I relish as a focus, the walkway and parallels freelancer. each describe a different aspect of choosing and following through our ● Alex Holland’s exhibition course of action. Once any decision Light, Direction, Reflection is has been taken, it is within our in the Blyth Gallery, on Level conscientious character to reflect 5 of the Sherfield Building. on our choice. The final theme, Admission is free. Oct 15Oct 15 8pm > 2am

come question commando Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB Or come with no pants! Theme Party the £1 carlsberg Imperial £3.00 While stocks last Ents Pass £2.50 The Union encourages Guests £3.50 you to drink responsibly answer

We will be running a series of events on Wednesday 27 October and Thursday 28 October in London for you to meet our people from around Fancy doing some the world, learn more about McKinsey and give you some experience of the way we help clients volunteering? solve complex business problems. Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at Imperial College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or study in We have places available for people to come and participate in workshops, discussions and informal conversations. Imperial – volunteering will have always something to offer you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities in our If you are interested in registering for a place, please apply online at www.mckinsey.com/eventregistration by Friday database, so there should be a project for you. 22 October. For further information on McKinsey & Company please visit The easiest way to get regular updates about volunteering is our websites www.mckinsey.com for information about all our by signing up to our mailing list. You will receive all the latest offices or www.mckinsey.co.uk for London specific information. opportunities on a weekly basis, directly to your email inbox. For career opportunities, please visit Simply send us an email to [email protected], www.mckinsey.com/careers. clearly stating that you want to receive the weekly news bulletin and we will do the rest!

Imperial Volunteer Centre

email phone check out volunteering 020 www. Imperial Volunteer Centre @ 7594 imperial.ac.uk/ imperial.ac.uk 8141 volunteering South Kensington campus Union Building Beit Quadrangle East Basement Linking opportunities Prince Consort Road IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION London SW7 2BB Felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

What’s on [email protected] CLUBBING 8.45pm CLUBS AND SOCIETIES to push forward its ruth- Fri to Thurs: 1.30pm, 3.55pm, THURSDAY CITY LOUD THIRD Union Concert Hall MALAYSIAN SOCIETY: less agenda. Showing at the 6.20pm, 8.45pm. Fri and Sat BIRTHDAY £3 PASAR MALAM Union’s own cinema. only: 11.15pm. 14 OCTOBER Turnmills When Jason Bourne is framed 4–8pm Contact: [email protected] Frankie Knuckles headlines for a botched CIA operation, Queen’s Lawn FILMS UNION the birthday bash for this pop- he is forced to take up his The society will be simulat- SHARK TALE (U) VOTE ular urban house night. former life as a trained assas- ing the atmosphere of a tradi- Odeon Kensington Today until Sunday sin to survive. Showing at the tional Malaysian bazaar, with ALL WEEK Fri to Thurs: 12.05pm, 2.15pm, Visit www.union.ic.ac.uk/ Union’s own cinema. stalls selling several exotic 4.35pm, 6.55pm, 9.10pm. Fri elections. Contact: [email protected] items such as batik wraps, FILMS and Sat only: 11.25pm. Contact: [email protected] MONDAY handicrafts, mehndi tattoos, COLLATERAL (15) calligraphy and delicious Ma- Odeon Kensington FILMS CLUBBING 18 OCTOBER laysian food for great prices. Fri and Sat only: 11.20pm. WIMBLEDON (12A) FABRIC FIFTH BIRTHDAY WEDNESDAY Contact: Odeon Kensington WEEKEND UNION [email protected] FILMS Fri to Thurs: 1.40pm, 4.05pm, Fabric COUNCIL 20 OCTOBER BRIDE AND PREJUDICE 6.30pm, 9.00pm. Drum and bass with Andy 7pm FILMS (12A) C, Hype, Fabio and Krust, to Union Dining Hall CLUBS AND SOCIETIES THE BOURNE Odeon Kensington ARTS name but a few. The first meeting of the year MALAYSIAN SOCIETY: SUPREMACY (12A) Fri to Thurs: 12.45pm, 3.20pm, BARBICAN GALLERY of the Union’s governing body. PASAR MALAM 6pm 5.55pm, 8.30pm. Fri and Sat Featured exhibitions are All are welcome. 12–8pm Union Concert Hall only: 11.00pm. Space of Encounter: The Contact: [email protected] Queen’s Lawn £3 Architecture of Daniel FRIDAY The society will be simulat- When Jason Bourne is framed FILMS Libeskind; and Communicate: CLUBBING ing the atmosphere of a tradi- for a botched CIA operation, HERO (12A) Independent Graphic Design 15 OCTOBER TRASH tional Malaysian bazaar, with he is forced to take up his Odeon Kensington since the Sixties. The End stalls selling several exotic former life as a trained assas- Fri to Thurs: 1.45pm, 4.15pm, UNION EVENTS Founder Erol Alkan plays the items such as batik wraps, sin to survive. Showing at the 6.35pm, 9.00pm. Fri and Sat ARTS COME COMMANDO popular indie club night. handicrafts, mehndi tattoos, Union’s own cinema. only: 11.30pm. TATE BRITAIN 8pm–2am calligraphy and delicious Ma- Contact: [email protected] Gwen John and Augustus Beit Quad laysian food for great prices. FILMS John; Michael Landy: semi- £3 Contact: FILMS INSIDE I’M DANCING detached; Art Now: David “Come Commando or come TUESDAY [email protected] FAHRENHEIT 9/11 (15) (15) Thorpe; BP British Art with no pants!” Carlsberg at 8.30pm Odeon Kensington Displays 1500-2004. £1 while stocks last. 19 OCTOBER UNION EVENTS Union Concert Hall Fri to Thurs: 1.30pm, 4.00pm, Contact: [email protected] CHEEKY £3 6.25pm, 8.55pm. Fri and Sat ARTS FILMS 8pm–1am Michael Moore’s view on what only: 11.25pm. TATE MODERN CLUBBING FAHRENHEIT 9/11 (15) Beit Quad happened to the United States Untitled: Mohamed Camara FABRICLIVE FIFTH 6pm £3 after September 11, and how FILMS (see review, page 20); Time BIRTHDAY WEEKEND Union Concert Hall Flirty current chart music. the Bush Administration al- LAYER CAKE (15) Zones: Recent Film and Video; Fabric £3 Contact: [email protected] legedly used the tragic event Odeon Kensington Tate Modern Collection 2004. Death In Vegas live, Plump Michael Moore’s view on what DJs in Room 1, Talvin Singh happened to the United States in Room 3. after September 11, and how the Bush Administration al- THURSDAY Running an event? CLUBBING legedly used the tragic event THE GALLERY to push forward its ruth- 21 OCTOBER Turnmills less agenda. Showing at the Want people to know? Fergie, Benny Benassi and Union’s own cinema. VERY IMPORTANT Lisa Lashes headline this Contact: [email protected] FELIX PUBLISHED rammed Friday work-out. 10am onwards Tell us about it! UNION EVENTS Pick up the next issue from STA TRAVEL QUIZ NIGHT your department or the Union Felix will print your listings free of charge. 8–10.30pm building. Just email [email protected] and tell us: SATURDAY Beit Quad Contact: [email protected] • the name of the event FREE 16 OCTOBER The quiz is a bit of a tradition CLUBS AND SOCIETIES • who is running it at the Union, with cash and RAG FRESHERS MEETING • the time CLUBBING beer prizes on offer. 12 noon ‘AS ONE’ PRESENTS Contact: [email protected] dBs • the location CLASSIC An informal meeting for any- • the cost (if any) The End FILMS one who wants to find out House session with Chicago THE BOURNE more about RAG. • a brief description of the event DJ Derrick Carter. SUPREMACY (12A) Contact: [email protected] • a contact email address votevote ✘✘ www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections

Elect Union Council members, ULU delegates, academic representatives and Faculty Union officers. Vote online 14-17 October. For information on how to stand for election and how to vote, visit the website. Elect Union Council members, ULU delegates, academic representatives and Faculty Union officers. Vote online 14-17 October. For information on how to stand for election and how to vote, visit the website. Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 13

WHAT’S ON [email protected] Stan Stanley hits the Union Brummie comedian Stan Stanley appears in dBs tonight, alongside BBC New Comedy Award winner Nina Conti. Audrey Vanderpuye caught up with Stan last week

Stan Stanley has already only five acts invited to per- made a huge impact on the form at this year’s Montreal live comedy circuit due to his Just For Laughs Festival, effortless charm, razor sharp which he found “very stress- timing and twisted outlook on ful but really satisfying”. That the world. was the biggest gig he’d had I had an opportunity to talk up to that point, and it has to Stan in advance of his per- brought him further opportu- formance at the Union, to find nities to perform elsewhere. out a little more about him Stan counts Rowan and the work that he’s cur- Atkinson as his key inspira- rently doing. tional figure, as well as fellow Having asked Stan what it Brummie Frank Skinner “for was that made him decide to his slightly twisted humour”. become a stand-up comedian, Stan says he feels that he’s it was clear that from a young “not good at talking to peo- age he had always been des- ple” and so spending some tined to follow a career in time in the toilet before gigs the comedy world. He claims is the best way he can pre- that his was a “classic clichéd pare and stay focused. story”. Stan hopes that his tour of “I was always playing prac- student unions will give him tical jokes as a child and get- an opportunity to try out his ting into trouble in school,” he new material, and he looks said. “I was never going to be forward to making an appear- the type of person who could ance at Imperial. hold down two jobs.” Stan Stanley is truly a warm He finally made the deci- and likeable Brummie and sion to move to London, and his enjoyable line in mocking he’s never looked back. Stan humour should be popular is now the resident host at with the Imperial crowd. the award-winning Amused ● Comedy, dBs, tonight, Moose Club. He was one of 8pm, £3.50–£4.50 Stan Stanley: so good, they named him twice. And no, his jokes won’t be as bad as that one

Fri October 22 8pm > 1am, Cost: £3

DJ Way Way Boxer Rebellion

Smirnoff Vodka and Draft Mixer £1 While Stocks Last Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB DJ WAY WAY Felix 14 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

My London [email protected] In this new feature, Felix will profile one Imperial student each week, and they’ll tell us what they do in London, their favourite places and a few tips that might be useful. This week, we spoke to third year Physics student Nichola Jahn My... clubs My... money saving tip

“Aquarium is my favourite club in London. Just up the “There are so many free music nights. If you fancy a road from the Medicine Bar in Old Street, it plays host to cheap night, then buy a copy of Time Out and take pot Carwash every Saturday – the best seventies dress-up luck. I managed to see the backing band for Groove night with disco, funk and soul music all night. The club Armada a while back at an amazing Caribbean themed itself is small but there’s loads to do, including a swim- bar for free.” ming pool and jacuzzi with an underwear only policy! They do student discounts too.” www.carwash.co.uk My... favourite day out My... pubs “This summer I discovered the recreation areas in “The Litten Tree in Putney is amazing... 15% discount Bishop’s Park (also home of Craven Cottage in Fulham) off its already cheap drinks and food, and special offers and one Sunday, after getting bored of the Fulham DC sometimes too! Putney’s great – there are loads of nice Carnival, I went up to the mini beach in the park with restaurants, bars and shops for a more laid-back trip some friends. out.” Admittedly twice the size of the other paddling pool goers, we splashed around in the sunshine like nutters which was cool. Then we wandered along the river to My... restaurants Putney Bridge and walked back down the other side up the Half Moon Pub to enjoy an afternoon of jazz with “The whole of Brick Lane in the East End! OK, there are their resident band [free, every Sunday 2-5pm]. some exceptions but there are so many amazing places Afterwards, it was a short wander up the high street to to eat up there, and if you haggle as a group you always Pizza Express to have dinner in their garden restaurant, get a great deal.” and a walk home just as the sun started to go down.” My... work My... ideal London date “Twice a week and some weekends I work as an Army Cadet Force Instructor over in Kennington (just south of “The most romantic place anyone ever took me was Name: Nichola Jahn Vauxhall), which is something completely different. We Chelsea Bridge (the one next to Battersea power station Department: Physics work with teenagers aged 12 to 18, giving them compre- and park) in the middle of the night. There’s an all night hensive life skill coaching and instructing them towards cab drivers’ café there, which does great hot chocolate, Year: 3 a BTEC in Public Service. It’s a very hard-up area in so we sat on the bridge drinking hot chocolate watching Living in: Fulham general, and we help where the schools are failing these the trains go over the river in the shadow of Battersea kids in discipline, education and welfare.” power station… it was amazing!”

Interested in telling us about your London? We want to hear from you. Feel free to choose different categories to this week. Email [email protected]

Brick Lane: Nichola’s choice for restaurants Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 15 Freshers Week Smile, you’re on camera By popular demand, here’s the traditional Felix assortment of photos from Freshers Week Felix 16 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

Music [email protected] Togas, ‘emo’ and gothic folk Felix reviews the new double album from Nick Cave, the first offering from a young UK band, and the latest release from Swedish plagiarists The Soundtrack Of Our Lives

behind the desk. Once again, his ALBUM REVIEWS touch proves essential to this record – as First Mater Responds moves yourcodenameis:milo from its heavily compressed verse All Roads To Fault into a huge wall of grinding distor- (Polydor) tion with squiggly guitar arpeggios HHHII dancing everywhere, you can almost picture the huge grin on his face. With their counter-culture packag- The duelling, call-and-response gui- ing, angled fringe haircuts and mon- tars on the high point of the album umentally stupid name, you’d be Lions, Then Donkeys will induce forgiven for writing off yourcodena- headbanging not seen since “One meis:milo as yet another Converse- Armed Scissor” in all but the most worshipping ‘emo’ band. I’d already sedate. done it without listening to a note. If anything, yourcodenameis:milo But instead of bastardising At The have found a ‘sound’ that’s incred- Drive-In’s back catalogue by feed- ibly mature for a band so young. ing through Pro-Tools and making Unlike, say, Reuben, they’ve not it pop (cf. Finch), yourcodenameis: painted themselves into a stylistic milo clearly have a little more ambi- corner. If you’ve heard a few records tion. from what could be loosely termed Their sound is a sometimes dis- the British rock underground – The Soundtrack Of Our Lives: See! A bearded man in a toga! quieting mix of lurching, stop-start bands like Million Dead and Pretty riffage, slower progressive guitar Girls Make Graves – I can guar- ly quite mental lyrics. All gleefully one for the emotionally unstable, song on this record is truly refresh- passages and the occasional monu- antee you’ll find something in this intoned in Cave’s sepulchral vocals, Abattoir Blues and The Lyre Of ing, but that’s not to say it’s predict- mental chorus. They’ve inherited record to love. they range from the self-mocking Orpheus is definitely an acquired able. Much more than that – TSOOL At The Drive-In’s love for complex Andrew Sykes (“I look at you and you look at me taste – the spooky, dominating take the same chord changes you’re dual riffs and innovative chord pro- Music Editor and deep in our hearts know it / vocals and schizophrenic rhythms heard a thousand times from a thou- gressions, Biffy Clyro’s relentless That you weren’t much of a muse, can be unsettling to say the least. sand different guitar bands, and volume changes, and the mighty but then I weren’t much of a poet”) But those who dare to brave the somehow make it sound fresh. A Trail Of Dead’s gloriously over-the- Nick Cave to the vaguely obscene (“I put one lunacy – or who have already picked clever riff here, a well-placed vocal top vocals. Abbatoir Blues / The Lyre Of Orpheus hand on your round ripe heart / up the urge – will find themselves line there, and you begin to see how Opener All Roads To Fault welds (WEA Records) And the other down your panties”) listening for hours with a silly little good a band with six very talented a schizophrenic, shouty verse to a HHHHI to the mildly confusing (“I’m down grin on their faces. Mad as a fish songwriters can be. And they’re truly massive guitar-destroying cho- here babe with the eskimos / With with a motorbike but just as much Swedish, which always seems to rus that’s convincing enough proof There’s something just a tiny bit the polar bears and the Arctic snow fun, this is a nice little treat that just help. of the band’s intent. It helps that it terrifying about Nick Cave. It could / With a party of penguins who do keeps on giving. Lyrically, Lundberg is quirky and has a hook roughly the size of every be his Neanderthal eyebrows, his not know / How I can get back to Anna Novitzky direct. He’s not singing in his native Strokes chorus put together. The impressive bird’s nest hairstyle, or thee”). Referencing historical and language, which often has the effect Problem jerks from quiet to loud his grave, cadaverous stare. But I literary figures from Karl Marx to of making the simplest lines sound almost without warning, providing think it’s probably the total surreal- the ancient Greek poet Sappho, it’s The Soundtrack Of Our Lives slightly odd. His voice has a won- one of the most thrilling moments ism of almost everything he does. an intelligent and amusing collec- Origin I derful smoky edge to it, which he on the album, while Fourthree sees Utterly compelling, but a tiny bit tion that will have you discovering (WEA Records) layers over itself many times – it’s yourcodenameis:milo using their terrifying. new gems listen after listen. HHHHI almost as if there’s a bizarre choir of quiet side: pretty, lilting guitars join Two albums packaged as one, The music itself is heavy on the Lundbergs singing every word with the heavy moments together, provid- Abattoir Blues and The Lyre Of percussion and ‘unusual’ instru- You might not have heard of The him. On Midnight Children, he lets ing a little relief from the assault. Orpheus deliver a double dose of the ments – panpipes, anyone? While Soundtrack Of Our Lives (TSOOL), his bassy voice ring over a groov- Capturing the sound of live, heavy delightful Cave madness. Sounding, fairly simple, it has a drive that but on first listen they are instantly ing guitar and spacey organ figure, guitar music has always been a real at various times, like frenetic jazz, renders it almost hypnotic. At times, familiar. This six piece from Sweden rescuing the track from mediocrity. challenge for producers – records disjointed blues, energetic country, it seems that the Bad Seeds have are fronted by a man who insists on In fact, when the quality control does just won’t sell if the guitars don’t smooth easy listening, gothic bal- lost their habitual gloom to begin wearing a toga all the time, sounding fall, as it does in the middle of the sound just right. Luckily for your- ladry and a gospel choir on crack, producing almost upbeat ditties; at at times like Exile On Main Street- album, the vocals are usually the codenameis:milo, they managed to this is an eclectic mix united by a others the familiar malaise returns era Rolling Stones, and at others thing that saves you pressing the secure the legendary Steve Albini morbid exuberance and some frank- with renewed intensity. Not really the rightful heirs to Pink Floyd’s skip button. throne. Just like Behind The Music, the 2001’s Behind The Music brought interplay between the two very tal- TSOOL to the attention of the UK ented and endlessly versatile guitar- mainstream music press. This, their ists, Ian Person and Mattias Bärjed, first album for three years, carries is what drives the record. Along with on exactly were Behind The Music the aforementioned Bigtime, Royal left off. It is an album that grabs you Explosion showcases their harder, from the first note, and before you power-riffing style. Heading For A know it, you’ve picked up the entire Breakdown has a delicate two note lyrics and sang it to yourself as you pattern in the foreground, and a gen- wait for the bus. Or at least, I have. ius bluesy figure in the background. The single Bigtime is a perfect TSOOL aren’t exactly innova- example of TSOOL’s sound, incor- tive; in fact, they’re positively retro. porating pleasingly dirty guitars, a This record isn’t quite as good as riff that Keith Richards would chew Behind The Music, which featured his own arm off for, and a suitably a more diverse sound than that dis- bizarre lyric about the damage done played here. Some people may tire to society by technology from the fan- of the relentless ‘borrowing’ from tastically named Ebbot Lundberg. the great rock bands of the last 40 By the time the anthemic, air-guitar years, but the unique spin they put friendly chorus rolls around, you’re on it prevents them from becoming nodding along while Lundberg yells, a cover band. Origin I isn’t a classic, somewhat cryptically, “Big time! but a worthy introduction if you’ve We’re all partners in crime!” not picked up on them before. Nick Cave: “bird’s nest hairstyle and neaderthal eyebrows” The immediacy of every single Andrew Sykes Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 17

MUSIC [email protected] The esteemed Mr Babyshambles Millen makes his actually play return to these pages After his removal from the Libertines due to drug “issues”, Pete Doherty finally makes it on stage again as Babyshambles SINGLE REVIEWS The Kaiser Chiefs I Predict A Riot Eastern Lane (Drowned In Sound Recordings) I Said Pig On Friday HIIII (Rough Trade) HHHII I bet this band truly believe the hype they’ve been gathering. They Eastern Lane are definitely a singles probably think they’re “quirky” and band. A couple of bland EPs were “the next big thing”. Gaining much followed up by a decidedly medio- critical acclaim, especially following cre debut album, Shades Of Black. their tour with fellow merchants-of- But then out of nowhere came Feed mediocre The Ordinary Boys, the My Addiction and Saffron, two taut, Kaiser Chiefs (depressingly) may tight and, more importantly, fantas- have their dreams come true. tic rock songs. They’re a bit like Franz Ferdinand Now comes the brilliantly titled without the originality or risqué I Said Pig On Friday. Some would homoeroticism, or Dogs Die In Hot say it’s a dark tale of local cus- Cars without the ‘being good’. I wish tom from their worrying League I could describe it more, but my Of Gentlemen-esque home town, brain is shutting down after having Berwick-upon-Tweed. Personally I this on repeat for the last ten min- prefer describing it as a glorious utes. I think there’s some honky- slice of storming indie-disco-rock. tonk keyboard, a quiet bit, some It’s another weapon in the growing handclaps maybe. You get the idea, arsenal of the budding guitar-music- just don’t get the single. you-can-dance-to scene. James Millen I Said Pig On Friday is by no means as perfect as its title. A kinder reviewer might describe the main Marilyn Manson riff as “infectious”, but I would say Personal Jesus Babyshambles: the ever coherent Pete. Why does he even bother to wear a guitar? “repetitive”, or even “for God’s sake (Interscope) people it’s only two notes played HHHHI time in ripping into the set opener, Libertines bandmates. over and over and over again”. And LIVE REVIEWS Man Who Came To Stay. Backed The tempo slowed halfway through the bizarre a capella bit sounds wor- Normally, I’d try to put an attention- by his group Babyshambles, who the set, when he was joined by ryingly, um, inbred. There’s a good grabbing opening paragraph here, Babyshambles showed they were capable of pound- former Massive Attack vocalist Dot chorus though, and it’s got one of but Marilyn Manson needs no intro- King’s Cross Scala ing out jagged rock that could rival Allison for a few acoustic numbers, those cool endings, you know, where duction. You know who he is, your HHHHI the Libertines, Pete was clearly but the main treat of the evening it just... stops. Listen out for it at granny knows who he is, and she pleased to be performing. He sang was the three beautiful renditions your local indie disco, and get on the doesn’t think he’s at all the sort of At this moment in time, Pete his lungs out and even launched of old Libertines favourites Don’t dance floor. person you should be listening to. Doherty is a man carrying a back- himself into the crowd twice, whilst Look Back Into The Sun, Time For James Millen But when was doing what you should breaking amount of expectation all the time being given the crazed Heroes and What Katie Did, the Alternative Music Society President ever any fun? with him. After being banned from support that most would only associ- former accompanied by a stunning Personal Jesus, the single taken playing with The Libertines due to ate with a Michael Jackson concert. and surprising xylophone arrange- from Manson’s best of album Lest his continuing drug problem, he has He even got the crowd to sing along ment. The Departure We Forget, fits neatly into the great nearly been imprisoned for an offen- with him when he performed Happy After this, the gig went back into Be My Enemy tradition of his previous covers: as sive weapon charge and earned a Birthday for guitarist Pat Walden. full-on rock mode, which Pete does (Parlophone) with Sweet Dreams and Tainted reputation of not turning up to his Despite this, you could see that all best, and after an hour’s set which HHHII Love, he has taken a faintly drippy own gigs (of which one no-show was not well with Pete, which was ended with the thrashing Wolfman, eighties classic and invested it with in Aberdeen was greeted with a evident from his wandering atten- he left the stage with the crowd in Where did The Departure spring a generous shot of the anger and bile crowd riot). He was expected to tion span in the early stages of the hysterics. Despite what the music from? I’m innocently waiting for that made him famous. The result is pathetically fall from grace, but this set. However, it snapped back when press might say about him, this The Killers to play their set when less vitriolic than might have been concert was a warning sign to such it came to references to his past, night showed that Pete is still on five young men walk on stage and expected, but it’s damnably catchy naysayers that he is still capable of such as the snarled lyric “What’s top form, and even if the Libertines start making this awesome, atmos- and, like much of his music, surpris- performing a blinding rock and roll the difference between death and do go under, the Arcadian spirit will pheric, catchy and danceable music. ingly fun to dance to. show. glory…” on Fuck Forever, and the still be carried on, which can only be They look like the offspring from While it’s true that these days it’s Greeted with electrified cheers accelerating/decelerating Gang good news. the make-up sex after the goths and more about the spectacle than the from the audience, Pete wasted no Of Gin, which blasts his former Matthew Hartfield indie kids have been fighting: all music for Mr Manson (was it ever crazy hair, eye shadow, suit jackets not?), it’s also true that he really and, er, golfing jumpers. knows how to put on a show. Matching Hailing from Northamptonshire the decadent aesthetics of his recent (as far as I’m aware only previously album, The Golden Age of Grotesque, ‘famous’ for Raging Speed Horn), with its spooky synths, jerky beats Free tickets Be My Enemy is their follow up to and hoarse vocals, Personal Jesus After a week with no competitions (shock horror) we’ve debut All Mapped Out and sounds – song, video and performance – is managed to lay our hands on a couple of tickets to see like a dark Franz Ferdinand, with a sight to behold, monochrome suits the excellent Seether at the Mean Fiddler on Tuesday 19 razor sharp drums, duelling echo- and scantily clad ladies and all. Plus, October. ey vs new-wave guitars, and David on a recent appearance on CD:UK, If you haven’t heard of them, Seether featured on the Jones’ weird crazy old man voice. Manson’s make-up made the under- Spiderman 2 soundtrack and are absolutely huge in South Intriguing, fresh, exciting and really, tens in the audience cry. The old Africa, where they are originally from. Their debut album truly great. dog’s still got it. was among the top sellers of the year in their home coun- James Millen Anna Novitzky try’s anaemic rock market. Their new single, Broken, features the vocal stylings of Evanscence singer Amy Lee and is out right now. The record has been produced by the well-known nu metal producer Jay Baumgardner, who’s also been involved with acts like Papa Roach and Drowning Pool. Seether are flying into the UK to play three gigs, and this Want to write music reviews? is their only one in London. If you want to win these two tick- Email [email protected] ets, just answer this simple question: What was the name of Evanescence’s all-conquering number one single? Answers to [email protected] please, with “Seether competition” in the subject line. The Union encourages you to drink responsibly £1 Per Pint Carlsberg + Tetley In all Union Bars Till the Cellars Run Dry While stocks last

At: dBs

Wed Oct 20 8pm > 1am

Imperial £2.00 Ents Pass £1.50 Guests £3.50 Flirty current chart music and party classics

Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

Nightlife [email protected] Wet and hard, Seaman too Size ‘Percussive wet funk’ from German DJ Timo Maas and progressive house from stalwart Dave Seaman on show at The Gallery matters London has some huge that’s without even mentioning the venues. Here’s a quick CLUB REVIEW line-ups. Which I’m about to do. Paul Oakenfold played here the rundown of the giants. The Gallery previous week, Armin van Buuren Turnmills, Clerkenwell Road the week before that. This month Fabric, Charterhouse Street £12/ £15 after midnight/£10 members Fergie and Tall Paul are playing too, HHHHI so you can see this is a good place Fabric is probably London’s only to come to check out big names. true superclub. It’s five years old, Farringdon is a funny place at night Tonight, those names were Timo and in those five years has built at the weekends. Around the time Maas and Dave Seaman, and by the a reputation that means it regu- of the last tube, the streets near time I had arrived Timo was already larly fills itself – no mean feat with a the station are awash with people. playing. capacity of 3000. Whilst the majority will be on their The self-styled German is a pro- With three rooms, it’s incredibly way to giant superclub Fabric (see ducer as well as a DJ, and before he easy to get lost in here, so make Size Matters, right), a good propor- made it big he used to sell mobile sure you stay with your friends. tion will be heading to one of the phones. Once he got into the music Fridays are FabricLive, often with a city’s oldest and most popular clubs, scene, he became one of the busi- live act appearing early in the night Turnmills. est men in the industry. Fans of Timo Maas Dave Seaman in the main room. Usually there’s The club has a fair amount of his- the music will remember his classic drum and bass in the second room, tory attached to it – it was the first proggy Ubik. He’s remixed many sive DJ Dave Seaman on the decks. sweaty monkey bumps your arse which means many many chavs. place in the UK to hold a 24 hour big artists, including Kelis, Placebo, A former DJM champion and past on every beat of a snare. It’s just as Still, sometimes it’s fun to don a fake entertainment licence, the birth- Garbage and Fatboy Slim, and that editor of Mixmag, Seaman has been easy and a lot better to just shrug Burberry cap and hoody and blend place of gay hard house pioneering Azzido Da Bass track a couple of around for a while. As well as break- it off though – be tactile, accept in. Saturdays are Fabric, a more club Trade, and it has been owned years ago. The compilations Music ing such prolific artists as Sasha, that clubbing is a contact sport, and housey affair, and Sundays host met- by DJ Tall Paul (who also runs Duty for the Maases, collections of remix- Digweed and Full Intention via his become absorbed in the crowd. rosexual DTPM. The best nights are Free Records from there) for more es plus some of his own tracks, mate’s record label, Stress, he’s a It is a lot easier to tolerate a when Sasha makes the occasional than 15 years. have been successful accross two popular remixer and has a string packed dancefloor when a lot of your appearance. Inside, the club is deceptively volumes. of successful mix CDs to his name, fellow revellers are attractive mem- large, vaguely L-shaped, with low There’s only one way to describe including Global Underground and bers of the opposite sex. Luckily, seOne, Weston Street ceilings. On some nights, it can sup- the was Timo Maas plays – wet Renaissance titles. All in all, this guy in Turnmills, there’s no shortage. port up to four different rooms of and hard. Driven by his desire to really knows where it’s at in terms The clientele are stylish and sexy, seOne has long been renowned in different music. Taking a wander make music away from the stand- of dance music. and the way they dress matches the underground dance scene as around, you’ll discover that there ard “cheesy shit”, he takes good His mixing is, as you’d expect, the decor (or possibly the other way one of the biggest and best places are plenty of nooks and crannies to quality dance music and throws it superb. Heavy, harmonic basslines around). They’re friendly, up for it, to go for a dirty rave-up. Sited in lose yourself in. The décor is col- about to whip up a frenzy on the and esoteric vocals and samples are and not afraid to check out what the tunnels under London Bridge ourful and abundant, with drapes, dancefloor. His music is bouncy and mixed together with great musical- other talent is around. If you’re look- Station, its capacity is also around old movie posters, strangely shaped fun yet to the point and smart. He’s ity and dexterity. There was never ing for a place to go clubbing, with 3000. The most recent managment rails and nobbly divisions. There are not afraid to play popular or com- any question of the dancefloor not proper, decent dance music, and a have tidied it up a fair bit – it used several seated areas, and it’s usu- mercial music either – he played being full; at times I find this place chance of pulling too (which is sur- to be a car park in the week, a ally not too hard to find a place to three Prodigy tracks. After a good a wee bit claustrophobic, getting prisingly easy – loud music means rave venue at the weekends – with sit when you need a breather. The few hours on the dancefloor, getting bumped around by too many shoul- no small talk), Turnmills is ideal. proper floors and painted walls. The sound systems are huge, and even if down to Timo’s blend of what some ders and elbows. For the most part, Looking around the place through- best night held here is the quarterly they’re not the best around they are people call ‘techno pop’, I came to though, this isn’t really an issue, so out the night, you’ll see plenty of Raindance Indoor Rave Festival. punchy and do the job well. appreciate the air conditioning. long as you have the right attitude face sucking going on. Tonight I went to check out The Whilst in some corners of the club and acknowledge that everyone is All in all, The Gallery is a consist- Gallery, Turnmills’ resident Friday you might feel a bit of an icy blast, there to dance. You’re going to be ently good night out, well worth the night. With a large base of mem- when you’re in the thick of it you’ll squashed, people will push past you, money, and with the possibility of a bers, tons of regulars and a grand be grateful for the circulating air, bits of bodies will poke into yours. lengthy queue if there’s a particu- reputation, it’s easy to see why this keeping sweat to a minimum. If you have personal space issues it larly famous DJ on. is normally a rammed session, and Next up, it was the turn of progres- might get a tad wearing when that Simon Clark Completely Trashed but it is comfortably without limits who plays a very good mix of happy CLUB REVIEW or standards. Allow me to explain: electric pop. She wasn’t on for more One of the ‘arches’ at seOne Trash According to their website, Trash than an hour, being replaced by The End, West Central Street want you to “make an effort”, with resident DJs playing a wider vari- Brixton Academy, Stockwell £5 absolutely no explanation as to ety of music, including the likes Road what that means. The first time I of J5 and Dead Prez in the chill- HHHHI ever went there I was turned away, out room, and dance/techno mixes This place is bloody huge. It’s a con- Here’s an unusual situation: myself but this time I had help (we were on the dance floor. By now, the verted theatre which holds about and my (male) housemate sitting in on the guest list) so we weren’t too place had started to pick up and the 4500 people. Voted best venue many the living room discussing what to worried, opting in the end for the dance floor was filled with happy times over the past few years, when wear for the night out, while asking usual festival t-shirt and a typical smiling people. If you’re still won- this place hosts dance events there’s our other (also male) housemate if indie stripped t-shirt. dering about the dress code, most not much to toouch it. he’s got any clothes we can borrow. Entering the club, there’s a dance people were dressed stereotypically With a huge balcony, there are Not something that happens every- floor to the left with an award-win- indie, with a few goths and punks some fantastic views to be had when day, if ever. Had we had our brains ning sound system that sounds wandering about. the place is packed with mental rav- messed with by aliens? No. We were breathtaking. To the right is a bar Trash is a very good night out and ers, resonating with bass and the going to Trash. and a very nice chill-out area with highly recommended, even if you lasers going wild. The sound system Usually I wouldn’t give a club with couches and tables. The founder of do have to go through the hassle is probably one of the most power- a dress code a second glance, feel- The End, Mr C, did an excellent job of finding something to wear. The ful in London – stand in the sweet ing happily safe in the knowledge of making the venue enjoyable not crowd are nice, with all manner of spot between the speakers and the that wearing trainers is going to only to those who want to dance, people and ages showing up. It’s bass will run right through you. The save me from whatever godfor- but also to those who just want to sit a great place to go if you want to Academy hosts all manner of dance saken trendy West End club I’m in a corner somewhere and enjoy dance, or just be a wallflower and events, for example Hard House being enticed to go to. But this is the music. The headline DJ tonight enjoy the music. Academy. I’d recommend anything different. It may be a dress code, was called Annie, a Norwegian girl Olle Åkesson Nordic beauty Annie with very bassy music. Felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

Arts [email protected] Hypnotism at the Tate Modern Emily Lines visits the third instalment in the Tate Modern’s series of displays of new work by artists rarely exhibiting in the UK

tains. The pictures demonstrate pov- Photography exhibition erty – Mali is one of the world’s poor- Untitled: Mohamed Camara est countries, mixed with accents of Tate Modern western life such as football shirts Admission free and adidas shorts, illustrating the influences of youth culture. I had forgotten how much I love the Camara captures movement and Tate Modern. Making the trek down activity as if it were an accident from the District Line, I fully expected to unusual viewpoints, like glancing stay in the gallery for about half an through a window, around a corner, hour to take in a new photography or reflected in a mirror. He takes the exhibition, and ended up wandering position of an impartial onlooker – it around for most of the afternoon. is as if his presence is accidental, If you go to one gallery in London yet many of the shots are set up, this year, make it this one. Where and his exceptional use of vertical else do you find such a mixture lines, light and shade, strong blues of modern masters and experi- and earthy browns are reminiscent mental spaces? Where else can of portraiture and still life, without you walk straight from works by appearing contrived or false. Their Picasso, Modigliani and Spencer, intimacy and use of angle implies to a massive sound-video instal- that rather than looking in on life, lation showing nocturnal animals the artist is looking through the passing through the artist’s studio domestic scene around him into the at night (Mapping the Studio by outside world. Bruce Nauman)? Curtains and drapes, along with If you do go, take the time to find the blinding sunlight they shade, are the west door and enter through the important in this series. They are Turbine Hall. This towering indus- used to hide aspects of the domes- The Tate Modern, just in case you don’t know what it looks like, from St Paul’s Cathedral trial space usually houses a large- ticity Camara is capturing, and to scale work of art, and the glass roof reveal intimate details of the lives both by showing the exterior activ- If you’re not tempted by this Nauman is known for his use of and steel rafters make a fantastic on show. Camara repeatedly cap- ity, and by momentarily illuminat- exhibition, take the time to go a wide variety of media in his art. array of shadows in the space, dem- tures sleeping or relaxed people, ing the inside of the house. These to the Tate Modern anyway. The For this project, he has chosen to onstrating that floor-to-ceiling con- and the contrasts of white light and shafts of light catch the texture of permanent collection is an excel- produce a sound work featuring the crete can be beautiful. black shadows deaden these scenes, the walls, the objects on the floor lent combination of more famous human voice. The exhibition I went to see is creating an intoxicatingly drowsy and the edges of figures, intrusively works and emerging talent – it’s The Turbine Hall installations are by a Malian photographer called atmosphere. permitting a slight glance of the not all piles of bricks! Each time known for their power and innova- Mohamed Camara, born in 1985, lives surrounding the static position you go, things have changed and tive approaches to what we fondly and who only started taking photos of the camera. there are new areas to discover. call art. Hopefully Nauman’s con- in 2001. All this makes him a bit “The images capture The images are hypnotic – the For example, I found a storytell- tr ibution to the Unilever Series intimidating. His works are the third repetitive billowing of the curtain, ing opera describing the process of will live up to the expectations of a part of a series called The Public mesmerising the impenetrable black of the interior sexual differentiation in the womb public that was stupendously spoilt World of the Private Space, which and the sporadic movement around using images from fantasy, Celtic last year by Olafur Eliasson’s The showcases new works by interna- domesticity of the viewer, who gains a viewpoint legend and fetishism. The work, Weather Project. For those of you tional artists not well known in the of intimate observation of a routine Cremaster 5, by Matthew Barney, is who can’t remember what that was, UK. This is in fact Camara’s first faceless people” with a continuous, timeless quality. described as a ‘personal mythology I mean the one where the Sun was exhibition in Britain, and his first in They capture mesmerising domes- for a fragmented world’ and ends indoors. a public gallery. The video, Les Rideaux de ticity of faceless people, and though with one man dropping from a vine It has also been announced that The exhibition contains a collec- Camara, 2004, continues the theme the actual view changes frequently, and another sinking in the Danube, Unilever have decided to extend tion of about 60 photographs and a of curtains as focal points from the the overall impression is of repeti- symbolising the dropping testicles their sponsorship of the Turbine video, all of which deal with domes- photograph collection. It consists of tiveness and normality described in and creation of a male baby. Odd, Hall installations by a further five tic subject matter from Camara’s a series of interior shots of curtains an honest and intimate way. but certainly creative. Enjoy. years. So, if Nauman proves to be a hometown, Bamako in Mali. What blowing in the wind, and records If you are interested in photog- disappointment, at least we should is immediately striking about the the movements in and out of the raphy and emerging talent, this ● The Turbine Hall this week have five more chances of seeing photos is their intense use of light house. These are representative of exhibition is certainly worth seeing. receives its latest installation. something as good as last year’s and shadow. Many depict everyday the recurring theme of viewing the Taking time to look closely at the For our enjoyment (at least until installation. scenes inside dark houses partially bright, light outside world from the images reveals a wealth of intricate 28 March 2005), the Tate Modern On a slightly related tangent: illuminated from blinding sunshine dark interior. The continual flutter- detail and gives privileged access has commissioned American artist Nauman studied maths and physics coming through doorways and cur- ing of the curtains reveals the scene to a private world. Bruce Nauman. before finding his calling. Ramblings on the subject of art (and walking) I’ve been doing a quite a fair bit of wealth of glorious architecture. you know something about architec- under way, as is that of the English walking around town lately, as one London has examples of so many ture or are at all interested, please National Opera at the newly refur- often ends up doing when showing a different architectural styles (though feel free to inform the rest of us bished Coliseum. Both are currently visitor round. Apart from the result- I must say that all this awful sixties through these pages. My own knowl- doing productions of Mozart operas, ing aching legs and sore feet, not to stuff has to go, and soon if at all pos- edge of architecture doesn’t stretch so there are no excuses not to go. mention a renewed lack of faith in sible). The timescale that the archi- much beyond Inigo Jones and a very Mozart always writes good tunes, London Transport, the whole experi- tecture spans here is vast – there are detailed array of useless information and he can also be funny (unlike ence has been quite enjoyable. Roman remains in the City and even about Chiswick House for which I a certain Mr Shakespeare whose When you live in London you miss we at Imperial are at the vanguard have GCSE History to thank. sense of humour has not really stood so many sights, or in my case you of design with our very own Norman On another subject, I went to the the test of time as well as it could really begin to take them for grant- Foster business school entrance. opera quite recently, and more of have). ed. Not only is London bursting at Architecture is most definitely a you should do so too. Opera is quite As I have a little bit of space left to PAOLA SMITH the seams with museums and gal- form of art, but unfortunately it is possibly my favourite art form, and I fill: Marcelo Alvarez is a wonderful leries, but we also have a fantastic one that is mostly forgotten by both like to plug it as much as possible. tenor who should be heard, even if ARTS EDITOR number of historical sights and a art lovers and philistines alike. So, if The Royal Opera’s season is well only on a recording. Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 21

Books [email protected] Schrödinger, Schumann and psychology Can a physics equation, a dead composer and Martin Cansdale explain the mysteries of reality?

is replaced by a delightful mystery humour never wavers.” The one John Ringer uses an analogy to Mobius Dick of what they mean. The interplay of criticism I have of this book is describe Schrödinger’s equation, by Andrew Crumey the plot strands is clever and effec- that I spent 100 pages wondering and how it relates to the real world. (Picador) tive. Rather than have a main story whether it was meant to be funny. He compares reality with a giant £16.99, 312 pages with the others adding something to The author seems to be making book, containing all possible stories. HHHHI it, each depends on the others in a sly digs at ‘unscientific’ modes of The appeal of Mobius Dick comes complicated symbiosis. The themes thought, by putting idiotic remarks from an inversion of this image. This is a book about a quantum of the book are introduced by Ringer, and unfounded conclusions into physicist called John Ringer. It’s disdained with cool scientific clarity, the mouths of artists and psycholo- also a book about the last days and then picked up and enlarged by gists. Would a ‘writing therapist’ “I spent 100 pages of Schumann, an amnesic hospital other characters. really tell a patient that she was patient called Harry Dick, and the The main ‘Ringer’ plot concerns only working in a hospital because wondering whether winter in which Schrödinger dis- thriller-like events at a research there was no money in short story covered his famous equation. Not station in the Scottish Highlands. writing? Would a psychologist, in it was meant to be satisfied with all this, Mobius Dick In spite of this, it has a medita- what seems to be the near future, also considers reality, coincidence, tive feel given by Ringer’s frequent really jump straight from the name funny” and causality. reminiscences and philosophi- ‘Thomas Mann’ to phallic associa- In a nod towards one of the many cal daydreams. The tempo of the tions, or ask an amnesic patient to Of the stories contained within the other works discussed in this book, book comes more from movement guess what symptoms they might book, which are ‘reality’? Are the the four threads are carefully inter- between stories than from John have been showing before the acci- stories all ‘true’ in the framework woven. At first, the subplots seem Ringer’s adventures. dent which robbed them of their of the book, or is one somehow like distractions, with no explanation The tones of the stories are cap- Harry’s amnesic confusion gives a memory? It’s not really clear if more real than the others? Throw in of why the next chapter is a seem- tivatingly varied. Ringer interacts completely different confused and these attacks are meant to amuse, quantum mechanics with its prob- ingly irrelevant tale of a nineteenth with others, but the story barely superficial air to encounters with or are part of rather clumsily exe- abilities, wave-particle duality and century composer. As it becomes seems to leave his own train of his therapists. cuted caricatures. Fortunately, this other common-sense defying con- apparent that the stories are linked, thought. Schrödinger talks, observes According to a review of Crumey’s problem becomes less noticeable as cepts, and you get a fascinating the question of why they are there and experiences more vividly, while last novel, Mr Mee, “the deadpan the stories progress. novel. Closet humour There’s something strange in the neighbourhood. Who ya gonna call? A zookeeper, a sex therapist and a lifestyle coordinator. Martin Smith, Books Editor, has all their numbers

ing apparition that seems intent on ever the writer seemed to back in Jim Giraffe saving Scott’s life in the style of A to a corner plot-wise, you could by Daren King Christmas Carol, with images from tell that yet another ‘shifting of the (Jonathan Cape) his past, present, and future. The goal posts’ was about to occur. Like £10, 216 pages key to this cunning plan seems to Jim sprouting a pair of wings, for HHHII rest mainly on Scott giving his wife instance. Then again, he is an imagi- Continence “a good seeing to”. And nary giraffe... or is he? Anything Scott Spectrum is the slightly so the fun begins in one of the silliest could happen in a story like this, and nerdy brains behind the success- books I’ve read in quite a while. it often does. ful television show Space Man In Jim Giraffe is a bizarre romp Going to bed having read the Space. Space man flies his space- through the imagination of Daren first half, I dreamt about the glow- ship around the galaxy and battles King, full of zany hairpin bends and, ing review that I was going to give space aliens in space. Nice and above all, more sexual innuendo this book. It was witty, original and straightforward, just like Scott’s than you can shake a large rubber readable. However, the final three life. He has a beautiful wife and phallus at. The character of Jim chapters utterly spoilt it for me: it a boss who loves him. However, seemed as though the author had against all reason, Scott wakes up got a bit bored with the story and one night to find a giraffe in his “The giraffe, Jim, had just decided to end it. In short, wardrobe. Or rather, the ghost of I recommend that you read and a dead giraffe. From here on in, turns out to be a thoroughly enjoy everything but things start to get a bit weird. profane, perverted, these three chapters, carefully tear The Giraffe, Jim, turns out to be them from the back of the book and a profane, perverted, beer-swill- beer-swilling burn them with a copy of the script to the third Matrix film. That way apparition...” everyone’s happy. Then just write your own ending. It shouldn’t be too is inspired, and together with the hard, just make something up. Then well-meaning but erotically clueless again, maybe you’re one of those Scott they make an a very odd but people who likes Marmite, and you’ll extremely funny pair. Even more adore just how random Daren King bizarre things happen as any sense can be. Reading this has certainly of ground rules about what is physi- inspired me to get hold of Boxy on cally possible are discarded. This Star, his first book. makes for a very entertaining read that appealed to my twisted sense ● The accompanying website, of humour for at least the first third www.jimgiraffe.com, is equal- of the book. However, as the story ly daft and includes a version What’s yellow and dangerous? A continues, I think the imagination of noughts and crosses with randy giraffe called Jim became a bit too much for me: if Scotts and Jims. Three wise monkeys. The one in the middle is Daren King Felix 22 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

in association with Odeon Kensington see What’s On, page 12 Film [email protected] Go see Saw! Every piece has a puzzle...

Saw was bordering on enjoyable – I can thrillers for a long time, it is a trou- never understand why people don’t bling and violent film that merrily Director: James Wan like a good horror movie. Maybe it’s plays with your mind as it twists and Starring: Leigh Whannell, Cary Elwes, just the sadomasochist in me speak- turns through its tricky and menac- Danny Glover, Ken Leung ing, but I love being frightened. ing plot. Length: 100 minutes I’m not afraid to admit that I actu- Saw tells the story of two men, Certificate: 18 ally screamed at one point during Adam (Leigh Whannell) and HHHHI this movie, something I have never Lawrence (Cary Elwes), who mys- experienced before (so don’t start teriously awaken in a dilapidated Horror movies are a fine art. Many making judgments about me yet). bathroom, both chained by the ankle have failed because the audience Watch the movie, and if you don’t to steel pipes from which there is are disappointed unless they’re jump, you’ll deserve a medal. To virtually no chance of escape, with scared witless and go home with the capture the imagination and atten- a blood-soaked body between them. fear of God in them. The problem tion of an audience as well as Saw Neither man knows how or why they with horror movies is they are an does is unique. are in this situation. To say any more intrinsically personal entity. What A good horror film is a rare treat. would be an injustice to the film. might petrify and paralyse one man, Touted as the best horror movie Saw has some horrifically imagi- another would scoff and sneer at. So since The Blair Witch Project, Saw native deaths and a filthy, soiled let me enlighten you: Saw terrified is a disturbing yet meaningful movie. appearance that is comparable to me to the very core. Yet, watching it One of the most fiendishly inventive Se7en. The structure of the movie How much blood would you shed to stay alive? consists of flashbacks that work fan- tastically well in keeping you puz- unsettling elements to the movie, screenwriter, is average at best. zled and guessing. When the truth and not since Stephen King’s It have His performance at times is laugh- is revealed and all the pieces start I been so unnerved by a simple able, especially in the emotionally falling into place, the film becomes costume. Cleverly, first time direc- charged scenes. The same can be enthralling and riveting. To say that said of Elwes. Their lack of talent you could not tear your eyes from “No matter how is a real shame in such a cleverly the screen would be an understate- devised movie. The supporting cast, ment. To say that you would be horrific or gruesome Glover and Leung, are steady and on the edge of your seat would be dependable, if not amazing. an understatement. No matter how the scene, your sheer Foregoing the supernatural for a horrific or gruesome the scene, your more realistic serial killer protago- sheer curiosity carries you through curiosity carries you nist, this is the kind of horror film the movie. that is really chilling. It will stick Cinematography and soundtrack through the movie” long in the memory, no matter how work in harmony to generate a bona hard you try to forget it. Brilliantly fide sense of claustrophobia and tor Wan leaves a lot to the imagi- terrifying, yet masterfully intelligent disorientation. The tension really is nation, leaving your imagination to and original, Saw is a rare breed of tangible at times; the silence of an run riot. movie. audience can be deafening. The cos- Saw isn’t without its flaws Alan Ng Saw has a filthy, soiled appearance comparable to Se7en tume of the villain is one of the most though. Whannell, who is also the Film Editor Layers of fun? Or not, as the case may be...

Layer Cake Smoking Barrels clone. cessful is because they were original Lock, Stock look like a piece of to some MTV-style hyperkineticism The plot surrounds, in no par- and they did something different. cake. But Layer Cake is laboured, and moments of belly-chuckling Director: Matthew Vaughn ticular order, a nameless London That is what led to the revival of the tedious and self-conscious. Unlike humour. But from the first scene, Starring: Daniel Craig, Dexter cocaine dealer, a Yugoslavian neo- entire genre. However, Layer Cake, Jason Stretham, the verbally agile which had shades of Ray Liotta’s Fletcher, Michael Gambon Nazi sect, a bunch of incompetent as demonstrated by the trailer, is and convincing star of Lock, Stock, opening speech in Goodfellas, we Length: 104 minutes cockney gangsters, the missing a very conscious attempt to latch Daniel Craig looks like a constipated are presented with a movie that fails Certificate: 15 daughter of a rich English aristo- onto the tail end of our forgotten Gordon Tracy from Thunderbirds to serve up something fresh and HHIII crat, five million pounds worth of fascination with hyper-violence and and sounds like the voiceover from original, essentially being a badly ecstasy, and a hired killer by the criminal Londoners who compul- The Magic Roundabout. disguised collage of a host of other Get Carter. The Long Good Friday. name of Dragan who specialises in sively break the rules. Undeniably, the film has some gangster films. Every scene has Lock, Stock and Two Smoking decapitations. Guy Ritchie made Snatch and moments of entertainment thanks been done before, every character Barrels. Snatch. What does this Prepare to be slightly under- portrayed in the recent collective tell you about the British gangster whelmed by the acting, which lacks memory. movie? That there are already far the vitality and rawness of the cast So the question is, are the public too many of them? Yes, perhaps. of Lock, Stock. Layer Cake stars sick of seeing British gangster mov- Or that they’re good, so let’s have Daniel Craig (The Power of One, ies? Have we had enough of cockney some more. That must have been Tomb Raider) as ‘X’, the hero of our hardmen bowling around shouting Matthew Vaughn’s reasoning before story. It also stars Dexter Fletcher “Listen you muppet, you’re a slag” he decided to direct Layer Cake. (Gamesmaster presenter, and also and then shooting some poor guy’s As described in its awful trailer from Lock, Stock) and Shakesperian face off? The answer, I think, is yes. (involving a pompous cookery show actor Michael Gambon (Gosford Paradoxically, given its relative- presenter listing all the different Park) as a wealthy, violent aristo- ly small budget (£4 million) Layer ‘ingredients’ that make a good gang- crat. Cake will inevitably make money. ster movie), Layer Cake promises The director, Michael Vaughn, was However, as with Donnie Brasco a heaped tablespoon of violence, the producer behind Lock, Stock and which was the last great American chopped up film-making, a dollop Snatch. Unfortunately, what Vaughn gangster film, Layer Cake marks the of swearing, and a pinch of sex – all fails to understand this time is that “Prepare to be denouement with which the British served in a piquant cockney accent. you can’t have your Layer Cake and slightly under- gangster movie genre has, finally Suffice to say I expected a generi- eat it. The reason why the afore- whelmed by the and inevitably, been exhausted. cally modified Lock, Stock and Two mentioned gangster films were suc- acting...” Darius Nikbin Want to review films, get free tickets and go to previews? Write for Felix Film! Email Alan on [email protected] Felix Thursday 14 October 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 23

SPORT [email protected] Shooting success?

“A gun isn’t a weapon, it’s a tool, like a butcher knife or a harpoon or a... a... an alligator.” Members of the Rifle and Pistol Club pose with some of their weapons (or should that be tools?)

cally reduced. Then they had a team to represent Imperial It will become a storage room They have also armoured a NRSA Eley championships. SHOOTING flood at their range, meaning at the BUSA championships. now – what a brilliant use for small cupboard on the South Leo Fok came third for the that they couldn’t start shoot- In fact, many of the team had bullet-resistant walls! Kensington campus to store third year in a row in his air By Sam Dash ing for the first two weeks. only started shooting clay The club has now relocated shotguns, which will make it pistol class at the same cham- In addition, some guns were pigeons earlier in the year. to the huge Stock Exchange easier for them to organise pionships. Members went to The Rifle and Pistol club damaged in the process. The true disaster this year Rifle Range, which, although clay shooting excursions. the national air pistol cham- has had a very mixed year. However, after a bad start, came with the closing down of spacious with many different Despite the numerous pionships, the NRA Imperial To start off, they lost two of things started looking up. A the range. The range had been gadgets and a self service bar, setbacks, last year still pro- meeting, and all BUSA shoot- their best rifle shooters. That lot of people were interested built with the aid of the club in is unfortunately in Moorgate. vided some successes. Isao ing events. Perhaps not the meant any chance of success in clay pigeon shooting, which the 1970s, and although it was The club hopes to subsidise Matsumoto was able to win club’s best year, but a fine in rifle leagues was dramati- meant that there was a full small it was also very handy. travel to and from the range. his prone rifle class in the year nevertheless.

by Mummy Huffwell Felix Crossword 1301 and Fishface

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down 1. Clever trolleys go backwards (5) 1. Hang the Queen a 4. We hear soft play is quite the garter (9) opposite (9) 2. Body parts play sitar, MP (7) 9 10 9. Homer is inside the careless 3. Tries exams (5) imp’s onions (7) 4. Heavy rain and mild front due Hello again friends, and welcome 10. Traditional duties? (7) shortly (7) once more to the fish tank. 11. Discharges drug assignments 5. Grasshoppers stupidly cut loss In my desperate search for a cross- 11 12 (9) (7) word to test your skills this week, I 12. Those funny values (5) 6. First direct, easy solution for was faced with two options: raid the 13. Appalling stand-up used to clean every problem: gunman (9) archives and steal an old puzzle, or floors (7) 7. An additional one, not girl (7) take the dangerous step of attempt- 13 14 15 16 15. It’s common to fight and argue 8. Donkeys’ bottoms (5) ing to reincarnate Mummy Huffwell. I (7) 14. See portly creased fabric (9) chose the latter, and I hope you enjoy 17. Massage woman and get disease 16. Substitute mothers – a male the result. (7) fantasy? (3-6) Naturally, any errors found in the 20. Novel. Allow small publication 18. Fat cry (7) puzzle are due to Mummy H’s trance- 17 18 19 20 21 (7) 19. Bent dealing straightened out like state as she wandered aimlessly 22. Noisy beginning of Worcester- (7) around the office this afternoon. I shire, perhaps (5) 20. Bless bread roll and silly ties (7) would like to think that my clues pre- 23. I’m on time to meet you 21. Computers upturned spot after vented us from wandering aimlessly 22 23 24 informally and unprepared (9) area between waist and knees towards a very bad crossword, but 25. Ant bite irritated a monk (7) (7) that is for you to decide. Fishface 26. Within entrances – not outside 22. Physical exercise – take to a (7) higher level (3-2) Issue 1300 solution 25 26 27. Game of “split seam” (9) 24. Command sequence (5) P L A C E B O M O R L O C K 28. Increases in iris essence (5) E N X U U O U E R N A O U T O F A C T I O N F B D S F K N 27 28 E V A L U A T E S P O N G E C P S R S O E D T A T A F A B U L O U S L Y I I I B L S Last week’s winner is Larry Booker. Well done! P O S T M A N P A T U P Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page down to the Felix office in R T P S Q S N A E U S T O N S U I C I D A L the West Wing of Beit Quad. Each week, we’ll choose a winner and print their name, thus S T F A A O A providing them with almost unlimited kudos and self-satisfaction. Everyone who provides E X C R E M E N T A L R O D us with a correct solution will get an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year N U N T I A M I T H E A T R E C U R T A I N Felix 24 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 14 October 2004

Sport [email protected] Fencing in Hong Kong

FENCING biggest bronze Buddha. They went around all the major museums as well as bars, By Sam Dash clubs, restaurants and shops. The first day of the competi- This year has been a busy tion saw individual matches one for the Imperial College take place. Everyone was Fencing Club, who came sec- doing both weapons, with ond in the league, narrowly exception of Fabian and Eric missing out on first place to who decided to concentrate Reading. The club fenced at on epée. Admittedly, most of a high profile event entitled the team were not amazingly ‘What Price Gold? Should experienced, having only London Persist in its Bid been fencing for a year. This to Hold the 2012 Olympic explains why no one brought Games’, held at the Imperial home any medals, although College Tanaka Business star fencer and president, School for its opening. There Eric Lai, came eighth in epée. was also success in the BUSA However, everyone enjoyed individuals’ competition the challenge. and the University College That night, some of the International Competition. Imperial team went out par- This summer, the fencing tying, arriving home at 4am, club managed to take a small giving them only four hours’ team to Hong Kong. They sleep before the next day’s were invited and competed fencing match. However, they in the Hong Kong University kept on doing well, only nar- of Science and Technology rowingly losing the foil team International Competition. match and winning the epée They were the only team team match. By the time of from Europe and the west – the second epée match, Eric everyone else had come from had arrived, which got the universities in Hong Kong, team’s spirits up. Despite all Macau and Singapore. The their efforts though, they were small squad of five Imperial defeated by much stronger students and one from SOAS opposition. decided to compete in as At the end of all the matches, many events as possible. although the Imperial team The team arrived in Hong didn’t win any medals, they Kong a week before the com- still received a small gift for petition began. This enabled turning up. A good time was them to see all the major had by all. Meeting and fenc- sights of the country, from ing new people on the other the Peak, the highest place side of the world has never on Hong Kong, to the world’s been so much fun. Sitting on the fence: the rest of the university squads look on as four matches take place SEND US YOUR SPORTS REPORTS! If you’ve played a match, been on tour or entered a competition, why not write about it for Felix? Send your reports to [email protected], with a good quality photograph if possible

Quick Crossword by Cactus

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down 1. Virginal (6) 1. Serf (6) 8 4. Approval (6) 2. Firmly established (6) 8. Prawns in breadcrumbs (6) 3. The beginning and the end (5,3,5) 8 9 9. Asian wild ass (6) 5. Advert worn over the shoulders (8,5) 10 11. Hallowe’en (3,7,3) 6. Yound eagle (6) 12. Back up (a law) (7) 7. Gamebird (6) Send your answers to 11 17. Hypnotic drug (13) 10. Tumours of glial cells (7) [email protected] or bring 18. Banished (6) 13. Petition (6) this page to the Felix office in 19. Romantic song (6) 14. Average (6) the West Wing of Beit Quad 20. Lower back (6) 15. Sloping font (6) 17 12 21. Developed (6) 16. Escaped (6) Issue 1300 solution 13 14 15 16 Q U A L M I O N I C U R E X A C T O A 17 A C M E P P O E M S Y J H S N E I F G A R R O T E G O L R O R A O U A G A D O U G O U 18 19 U O I D G O R H O L S T E R E T V C N I L M O O B O E A H A R T 20 21 I M B A C O N G E D R A K E O P I U M