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EXT.QATAR.EVENING a Cloaked Figure Is Being Quickly Escorted

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1 EXT.QATAR.EVENING A cloaked figure is being quickly escorted down the stairs of a majestic palace by two guards. Upon reaching the bottom, a suitcase is thrown down to her from the palace's front door. CLOAKED FIGURE You better not have scratched any of decorative civil war liquor decanters or I'm sending the army from my new country to burn this pile to the ground! The guards are shaken, yet firm in their resolve. GUARD 1 How could you have betrayed us, Magistrate? Betting our gross national product on a horse race! GUARD 2 Indeed, and Mr. Fiddles? He was 200 to 1! The cloaked figure brushes away some imaginary dirt. CLOAKED FIGURE Play it big, or go home to mommy! Besides, I didn't want to be boss of your stinky stupid country anyway. I'm outta here! The cloaked figure pulls back the hood of her cloak to reveal none other than PEARL FORRESTER. PEARL FORRESTER Besides, I've got unfinished business elsewhere! Pearl storms up to the royal VW Microbus parked haphazardly on the edge of a fountain, waste oil fouling the 15,000 year old marble. She starts the Widowmaker, and zooms into the sky leaving a plume of ionized air and Keno tickets in her wake. PEARL FORRESTER Come on... I could swear this was the jacket with my sunglasses. INT.UNKNOWN MINNEAPOLIS SUBURB.APARTMENT.MORNING MICHAEL J. NELSON, TOM SERVO, and CROW T. ROBOT are preparing for their normal work week schedule. CROW T. ROBOT Mike, Tom, Morey's on in 5! You guys 2 get in here already. TOM SERVO floats from the kitchen to the living room, he is annoyed. TOM SERVO How can you watch that crap? Besides, Judge Judy's on at 11! A banging sound is heard outside, followed by the sound of breaking glass. CROW T. ROBOT Mike's home! At a sliding glass door stands MICHAEL J. NELSON. He opens the door and comes inside. In his right hand he holds a key, and what appears to be a red stained rag. MICHAEL J. NELSON Who's idea was it to encase our emergency key in a block of glass, and non tempered glass at that? CROW. Impishly. CROW T. ROBOT That would be me. I mean, it works for fire extinguishers, doesn't it? MICHAEL J. NELSON Fair enough. I'm exhausted, and need some rest. Things have been terrible on the night shift since they transferred Bobo into the collection at the zoo. This has to be in the top 5 worst zoo janitorial jobs I've ever had. TOM SERVO Meaning you've had, what, 5 jobs as a janitor as a zoo? Head hung in shame. MICHAEL J. NELSON 6. Suddenly there is the sound of water running from down the hall. The bathroom door opens. MICHAEL J. NELSON Who the heck is that? CROW T. ROBOT Oh that's just Pearl. She's here to visit for a few weeks. 3 Pearl Forrester exits the washroom still drying her hands. PEARL FORRESTER You know my 3rd husband and I had this exact same pattern. Too bad I lost them all as part of the separation agreement. I mean, have you TRIED to mop gray matter out of a Lazyboy? You're gonna go through A LOT of hand towels. Michael Nelson jumps to cower behind the couch, knocking Tom Servo into the floor. Screaming. MICHAEL J. NELSON You let us go, why are you here?! Crow T. Robot reaches and pats Mike's shoulder reassuringly. CROW T. ROBOT Pearl's just between gigs at the moment and needs somewhere to stay, Tom and I said we'd be delighted to have her! Pearl walks over and in turn puts a hand on Crow's shoulder. PEARL FORRESTER Thank you, Art. Tom rights himself and hovers back onto the couch. TOM SERVO No, it's our pleasure, Pearl. We've got so much to catch up on. Like who your favorite day time TV harpy is your favorite, how your dictatorship fell apart, or your further decent into madness. PEARL FORRESTER First off it's Tyra, secondly it didn't fall apart as much as I lost it on a bet, and the 3rd goes without saying. Mike standing now addresses Pearl. MICHAEL J. NELSON So you're not here to kill us, or make us watch terrible movies we don't already watch of our own free will, and you'll be leaving in a few short weeks? PEARL FORRESTER That's the plan Nelson. Until then, just pretend I'm not here. I'll hardly 4 be any trouble at all. By the way, do you think your landlord would have an issue with me placing a 45' dish in your yard? I'm trying to get Brain Bowl to pick up the phone, but I keep getting his voice mail on the 2' dish on the bus. MICHAEL J. NELSON I'm pretty sure that our lease says that... Interupting. PEARL FORRESTER Thanks, Mike; you've always been a dear. Pearl reaches out and pinched Mike's cheek just a little to hard and then barks an order to the bots. PEARL FORRESTER All right, runts, get out to the van and unload my gear. The mini bar can go over there, and the mad science crap can go wherever. The bots skutter outside excitedly. TOM SERVO Oh wow, finally someone to boss us around! CROW T. ROBOT I know, it's like a horrible dream come true! Mike and Pearl watch the two bots carry in arm loads of gear and deposit it uncerimoniously in large piles on the floor. PEARL FORRESTER So what, their arms work now? MICHAEL J. NELSON Yeah, it comes and goes it seems. Just then, Servo and Crow rush back in the apartment out of what apears to be breath. TOM SERVO Pearl <pant> you're never going to believe <pant> what we just <pant> heard. CROW T. ROBOT Yeah <pant> Brain Guy left a message <pant> on the radio in your van <pant> 5 he said to stop bothering him. In fact <pant> he said that he didn't want to hear <pant> from any of us <pant> again <pant>. Pearl. Angered. PEARL FORRESTER Why that pasty faced, good for nothing, fey, sack of... Tom pulls his cell phone out, scrolling down his address book. TOM SERVO Doesn't want to hear from us? Then why'd he'd give me his home number at lunch last week? MICHAEL J. NELSON You had lunch with Brain Guy last week? TOM SERVO Mike, what the Tom monster does in his spare time could just about fill a library. PEARL FORRESTER Give me that! Pearl reaches down and swipes the phone from Tom TOM SERVO Hey, I've only got 2 minutes left this month! Pearl scrolls down to Observer's entry in the phonebook which Tom has playfully labeled Clown White, and dials the number. PEARL FORRESTER 2 minutes? I really didn't see you going TracFone. TOM SERVO Well I mean with Mike's credit.. MICHAEL J. NELSON Wait, "Mike's credit?" PEARL FORRESTER Both of you cram a sock in it! INT.RILOS 14.OFFICE OF THE ALL KNOWING AND ETERNAL CONSIOUSNESS Observer sits at a desk in a caveronus office. Around him zooms the thoughts of a billion celestial citizens. He ends sizemic tremors on Valatium 4 with but a thought. But something 6 distracts him. As with withdraws from the cosmic ether, he realises the distraction is a MIDI ringtone of Paula Cole's Where Have All The Cowboy's Gone blaring loudly from his TracFone. He answers it in a huff. OBSERVER For Relar's sake, Servo, I don't have time to remove the scratches from your Night Court DVDs every time you try and clear the memory of the 5th season off with steel wool! Now leave me alone, I'm... Pearl interupts before he can say other word. PEARL FORRESTER Listen chalkie, you, Earth, NOW! OBSERVER Pearl, Pearl is that you? PEARL FORRESTER It sure is cream cake, I need your help for a little job. OBSERVER I've got a fammin to deal with on Surf Side 6! And do you know what my supervisor is going to do to me if I leave in the middle of my shift?! PEARL FORRESTER It's going to be ten times worse from me if you don't get here now! OBSERVER But Pearl! PEARL FORRESTER NOW! OBSERVER Give me a few milliseconds to calculated the infathomable distance that... PEARL FORRESTER So there's a planet called Surf Side 6? OBSERVER Yes, it's in the Troy Donahue nebula. PEARL FORRESTER I don't see you here yet! OBSERVER Well if you'd let me leave... 7 PEARL FORRESTER I SAID NOW, LAME BRAIN! INT.UNKNOWN MINNEAPOLIS SUBURB.APARTMENT.MORNING A man in a white tunic with a flowing white appears out of the air in the otherwise normal living room of Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, and Michael J. Nelson. He walks over to address Pearl Forrester, but she stop him before he can speak. OBSERVER I... Pearl slaps him on the back of the head. PEARL FORRESTER What took you so long? OBSERVER It takes a few seconds to calculate a trip of that magnitude! Had I flown through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova I... PEARL FORRESTER We've all seen Star Wars, so can save us the recap Bland Solo.
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