Sneaky Viking Final.Indd
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Stef, remember to insert that T H E S N E A K Y V I K I N G stupid viking helmet here Volume XLI Edition 15 April 1, 2008 CSPA Gold Medalist TheSaga Student Newspaper of East Lyme High School (woot woot) East Lyme, Connecticut Royal Flush for Freshmen Poker tournament held by Saturday, March 15th and freshman class Sunday, March 16th. The as fundraiser winner walked away with by Hannah Barner a gift certifi cate to East Lyme Pizza and bragging The moment of truth rights. has come. Who will claim “It was really a the title? Answered with collaborative idea to a roar from the crowd, hold the tournament,” underdog junior Kate states freshman class Citron won the tournament president Chris Kohanski. with an unexpected royal “Having it telecast was fl ush. just a way we thought With excitement from the community could all participants, the two- get involved.” day poker tournament With the unusual support sponsored by the freshman of the administration, class in late March was a the freshman class went J. Beale/Saga huge success. Though ahead with plans and An old wooden table in A225 provides the best playing surface for a competitive showdown unpublicized, the event raised over $400 along between freshmen Sara Boike, Raj Thanabel, Mike Brousseau and Tyler Imbriaco. This poker took place in the INTV with three watches and craze has swept through the freshmen class, as crowds of them can be seen sneaking off into room and was broadcast an engraved pen of an the darkest corners of the school (i.e. the stairwells at lunch) to fulfi ll their craving for the on Channel 19 on esteemed faculty player. dirty game of poker. It just so happens their algebra and geometry classes aid them greatly in art of gambling away their lunch money and weekly allowance all in support of their class. New AP Final I Exam: Memorize N 150 lines of Beowulf Violence, Intrigue and a Mighty Fine Physique Page 3 The dark secret behind the its disposal which is spontaneous combustion people), Bill Bellichick, T Mr. Bagos as New Class of 2008’s wealth undoubtedly being used that may result from the and Marvin the Martian H School Principal by Brendan Welch for such devious plans as shock that you are surely to gain access to Roger I Page 4 Hannah Montana concert about to face from the Clemens’ personal stash S Dirty, sexy money. extravaganzas and a telling of this tale. of anabolic steroids Converse All-Stars It controls politics, mysterious exotic tribal Richard Connell, the and HGH several years E Required for All sports, entertainment, tradition known as “the four-time treasurer for ago. Juicing is a rich P.E. Classes underground cockfi ghting prom.” What is a secret, the clas of 2008 and cult business, and Connell D Page 7 I gangs and your high however, is how the snide hero in the Democratic was able to sell the goods T Your Mom school. Or at least, the seniors achieved this Republic of Congo, for huge profi ts, which Page 9 senior class. economic prosperity. was able to use his were directly transferred I Playboy Playmates It is no secret that Disclaimer: The Saga connections to Richard into the Class of O Movie Review the great Class of ’08 is not responsible for any Nixon (same fi rst name. 2008’s coffers. N Page 11 has bundles of cash at hangnails, heart attacks or this is powerful stuff, (See Scandal page 43) The Viking Saga The Best Section Ever! April 1, 2108 Our Two Cents are Fab: hey val, what do i don’t know... OKAY! A Day in the you want to put let’s go on Life of the in the saga? facebook! Editors-in-Chief order to “stimulate” the economy. school. No matter how good I You wouldn’t want to give money think I look, the odd lighting back to those who actually paid and unfl attering atmosphere the brunt of the money in the fi rst brings me back to reality. place—because who knows, they 3) The paper-mâché man might do something silly, like sitting in a chair – That guy never save it! fails to fool me as I round the As for the war, I am in full corner of the offi ce and ponder, support of bringing the troops “Who is that kid sitting in the home immediately, causing the chair all by himself? Maybe I entire country of Iraq to collapse should go talk to him…” Brings and fall under the rule of radical a smile to my face every time. militant groups. Then we can 4) A225 – (a.k.a. Saga pump millions of more troops Central) is strategically located at I am sick of all of this right- back into a volatile environment In lieu of all of the silly the furthest point from the senior wing conservative crap! Those months later. The plan is solid! grievances students (especially parking lot possible, because it is crazy, religious-right from the To top it all off, I have seniors) make about ELHS, I just not enough for Stef’s and my south and the homosexual-hating become quite in touch with my think it is about time that we car to be the last ones on site as we hillbillies out west—they just true humanitarian. I have found pay tribute to the school that stumble out of the school dizzy don’t know what they are talking humility in political prisoners. has provided for us, sheltered from staring at InDesign pages. about. I would like to annouce In fact, I believe that criminals us and expanded our minds for 5)The library – They have that I am now a proud and offi cial are people too and should be six wholesome hours a day. taken brilliant strides toward member of the blue team. forgiven (without a religious For my share of the honoring, becoming ecology-friendly by One great thing about being connotation, you would not want sneakily changing the settings I have compiled the Five on the printer so that the paper a donkey is supporting the to be offensive) for their actions. Things I Love About presidential HOPEful Barack Therefore, not only am I against prints double-sided. So what if it Obama. His good looks and torture and capital punishment, East Lyme High School: is my Warykas term paper or my 1) Our cafeteria – There stunning features far outweigh but punishment of any kind. Even senior proposal (both worth half is no better way to work up an any lack of experience or a short jail sentence seems a bit my fourth quarter grade). My appetite than to scrounge a chair plagiarism problems he may have. too harsh. grade may drop, but I feel good from an unsuspecting freshman. To complete my newfound knowing that I helped save a tree. As a youth voter, I am After much physical labor, you respect for the Democratic Party, I could honestly go on particularly interested in can go fi ll up on a variety of I am in full support of a larger forever about all the things I love grease-dripping appetizers such having a president who has government, increased federal about the wonderful home of the as French fries and mozzarella made mistakes in the past, spending, a national debt that Vikings. If by any chance the sticks…then wash it down with who has “led the force” digs us into a hole that skims the reasons for ELHS’s excellence a nice, big slushy. And the best core of the earth and accepting slip through your mind, just in his committee without part about it is, you get to go campaign funds from any refer to my aforementioned going to any meetings to class with a blue/red/orange and all international criminals Five Things I Love About East tongue so that everyone will and has openly admitted or fugitives. Lyme High School, which will know what you got for lunch! to experimenting with As a staunch liberal, I cannot be published in the yearbook as 2) The bathrooms – Now hard drugs. wait to go out, fi nd a group of well. Or, take a glance up at the equipped with foamy soap, Liberalism has also hippies and join in protest against banner hanging in the Commons. the A-wing bathrooms do revolutionized the way I think anything where I get to scream It may be hard to read because nothing less than pamper us about the economy. I am in full and shout while holding a peace the font is a little small, but it during our restroom breaks. I support of giving taxpayers’ sign high in the air. says: “SILVER MEDALIST.” ALWAYS go in to get the best dollars to those who do not pay God (or any other mono/ That pretty much sums it up, motivation to hit the gym after taxes, and may be unemployed in polytheistic idol) bless America! we are the crème de la crème. Page ;-) The Viking Saga The Best Section Ever! April 1, 2108 See any familiar faces? Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down! The soda machines will be returning to ELHS! To help defray the cost of the new fl oor in the gym, ELHS administrators have decided to reinstate the sale of soda in the commons. The new school policy prohibiting fl ip fl ops! Just in time for spring, the administration has decided to ban the most popular footwear in the school, Photo Submitted wary of safety after a dangerous fl ip- The Saga will award free movie tickets to anyone who can identify Ms.