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Librarian Review Copy Copy Review Librarian HOMING IN AN ADOPTED CHILD’S STORY MANDALA OF CONNECTING, REUNION, AND BELONGING DR. SUSAN MOSSMANCopy RIVA Review Virginia Librarian Homing In: An Adopted Child’s Story Mandala of Connecting, Reunion, and Belonging © 2020 by Susan Kay Mossman Riva. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, or digital (including photocopying and recording) except for the inclusion in a review, without written permission from the publisher. Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: all effort has been done to ensure accuracy and ownership of all included information. While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties or merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created by sales representatives or written promotional materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. The publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services, and you should consult a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages incurred as a result of using the techniques contained in thisCopy book or any other source reference. The personal experiences detailed in this book are those of the author and are told from that perspective. Published in the United States by WriteLife Publishing (An imprint of Boutique of Quality Books Publishing Company, Inc.) www.writelife.com Printed in the United States of America 978-1-60808-227-8 (p) 978-1-60808-228-5 (e) Library of Congress Control Number 2019957781 Book design by Robin Krauss, www.bookformatters.com Cover designReview by Rebecca Lown, www.rebeccalowndesign.com First editor: Olivia Swenson Second editor: Caleb Guard Librarian PRAISE FOR SUSAN MOSSMAN RIVA AND HOMING IN “In this beautifully written work, Susan Mossman Riva shares her fascinating journey to discover her family of origin, and her own identity. It is indeed a poignant journey into herself, as she explores her longings, her doubts, and her joys. The work is especially relevant to this era in which the seals on adoption cases are being removed. For us, it was an enthralling adventure on its own.” — Mary and Kenneth Gergen, founders of the TAOS Institute “Homing In is an autoethnography of the highest quality that examines adoption and kinship through the holistic and comparative lens of anthropology, convincingly arguing that nature and nurture are inextricablyCopy intertwined, exemplified through the author’s personal story that is akin to a transformative journey and comparable to a spiritual pilgrimage.” — Alexander Rödlach SVD PhD Associate Professor of Medical Anthropology and Psychiatry Chair, Department of Cultural and Social Studies Creighton University “Against the backdrop of the early 21st century, with its spiritual ennui and cyber (dis)connectedness, Susie Riva, in this remarkable book, deconstructs her sense of humanity.Review Her text is holistic and interconnected. She uses a three part structure to explore her life history from multiple temporal and conceptual vantage points. Writing from the present from Switzerland, she first explores her beginnings. In this section, she recreates and deconstructs the dialogue between her lived experiences Librarian IV HOMING IN and her family narratives, initially locating herself with the multi-generational narrative of the prominent adoptive Nebraska family in the Midwestern part of the US. She next describes the complex process of reconnection to her birth family, creating an awakening of unknown deep roots and shared meaning with a family she comes to know and love. Drawing from Native American spiritualism, she explores these two sides of herself not as a parallel or as lineal story lines, but rather as connected aspects of a personal mandala of life. The third part of the book moves to a higher level as she explores various cultural, spiritual, and personal dimensions of her circle life. Her book is not only the story of an amazing journey of life, it is also a scholarly autoethnography of one’s life.” — Dr. Richard Sawyer, Professor of Education, Washington State University, Co-developer/author of duoethnography “Homing In is a compelling and passionate must read for both adults with adoption histories seeking to better understand the fabric of their evolutionary and psychological DNA through the process of autoethnography, and seekers of a higher communicative pathway to integrated spiritual enlightenment. Through the captivating telling of her personal story of adoption, reunion and belonging, Dr. Riva provides a brilliant roadmap to healingCopy and personal transformation using illuminating, poetic prose to reveal the therapeutic power of th personal story mandala, the importance of consciousness raising synchronicities, and the road to inner peace and a sense of anchored belonging. By embracing the oneness and synergistic connectivity of the human spirit at the level of family, community, and society, Dr. Riva masterfully communicates to the reader the importance of walking the road less traveled, consciously connecting to the tapestry of human life, and discovering and weaving one’s own story mandala along the way. Through the sharing of our own transformation process we have the power to transform others. Homing In is the equivalent of life’s poetry and Dr. Riva’s beautifully narrated prose and deep dive into history, anthropology, and human behavior will leave the readerReview fully engaged, illuminated, and ultimately transformed.” — Dr. Connie Morror, Psychologist, Research Associate Professor of Pediatrics, University of Miami Miller School of Medicine Librarian This book is dedicated to my descendants. “You’ve no idea how hard I’ve looked for a gift to bring you. Nothing seemed right. What’s the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean. Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It’s no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these. So I’ve brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me.” —Rumi, translated from Coleman Barks Copy Review Librarian Copy Review Librarian CONTENTS Preface: A Story Mandala Connecting Adoption, Reunion, and Belonging ix Acknowledgements xv Relational Lexicon xvii Part 1—Adoption: Re-collecting and Re-membering My Life’s Beginnings 1 Chapter 1: The Giveaway Girl 3 Chapter 2: Intergenerativity 15 Chapter 3: Blackbird Bend Farm 25 Chapter 4: Seasons of Adventure 33 Chapter 5: Responding to the Call 47 Chapter 6: Faith and Community Service 57 Chapter 7: Concrescence: Wedding to Become One 65 Chapter 8: International Ski Tribes 73 Chapter 9: A Coat of Many Colors 79 Chapter 10: International Affairs Copy 87 Chapter 11: The Tragic Break 93 Chapter 12: The Sundance Way of Life 101 Chapter 13: Kinning: Becoming a Child of Multiple Families 107 Part 2—Reunion: Finding My Birth Family 111 Chapter 14: Nature and Nurture within the Epigenetic Paradigm 113 Chapter 15: The Rebirthing Process 119 Chapter 16: The Love Letters 127 Chapter 17: Engaging in Polyphony and Dialogism 137 ChapterReview 18: Once in a Blue Moon 143 Chapter 19: Pictures in a New Family Album 155 Chapter 20: Welcoming Cathy into the Family Circle 167 Chapter 21: Embodying and Integrating Change 177 Chapter 22: Being Other 181 Librarian VIII HOMING IN Chapter 23: Spinning the Family Tale 189 Chapter 24: The Dark Archetypical Forces 193 Chapter 25: Adieu 203 Chapter 26: Trying to Fit In 209 Chapter 27: Balancing Work and Family Relations 213 Chapter 28: The Eulogy 229 Chapter 29: Weaving a New Pattern 237 Chapter 30: Finding the Path Forward: Beyond Barriers of Belonging 243 Part 3—Belonging: Designing My Medicine Shield 251 Chapter 31: The Meaning-Making Process 253 Chapter 32: Mind-Body 259 Chapter 33: God’s Many Faces or “Showings” 271 Chapter 34: The Golden Pocket Watch 277 Chapter 35: Journeymanship: Encounters in Pursuit of Higher Knowledge 283 Chapter 36: Developing Moral Imagination 289 Chapter 37: Earthrise: Expanding Our Circle of Caring 295 Chapter 38: The Weighing of the Heart 301 Chapter 39: Stewardship 315 Chapter 40: From Kinship to Earthship Copy 327 Chapter 41: Future Forming 335 Chapter 42: Liminal Space 343 Chapter 43: Making Mandalas of Wholeness on the Medicine Wheel of Life 355 Chapter 44: Engaging in Healing Conversations 369 Chapter 45: The File 383 Chapter 46: Pilgrimage as Process: Cultivating Radical Amazement 391 Chapter 47: The Anthropology of Becoming 407 Chapter 48: Knocking on Mercy’s Door 417 ChapterReview 49: Beholding the Sacred Vessel 427 Postscript 435 About the Author 439 Key Concepts 439 Bibliography 443 Librarian PREFACE An Adopted Child’s Story Mandala of Connecting, Reunion, and Belonging “Thus sprung, why should I fear to trace my birth? Nothing can make me other than I am.” —Sofocle, Edipore1 This is a true story about lines of inheritance, interconnectivity, and belonging. I tell of how I found my birth family and discovered that I was the oldest of five children. My search for my birth parents coincided with my birth sister’s search for our parents. In the early 1960s, she was adopted the year following my own adoption. I didn’t know about her existence.Copy We were united with our birth family before our maternal grandmother died of cancer.
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