e Independent Student Newspaper e Independent Student Newspaper

Issue 795 Friday 23rd October 2015

Published in Cambridge since 1947

www.varsity.co.uk

13 Comment: White feminism 19 Culture: Oxbridge poetr y 22 Features: Life after Cambridge £1bn build 24: Fashion: Vivienne Westwood in disarray YOUR University takes action after SHUTTERSTOCK REX / POWER MATT damning audit blasts projected £75m overspend on North West PAPER C a m b r id g e d e ve lo p m e nt

Tom W lson Sen or News Ed tor However an audit committee was set up by the university’s Finance Committee in July to investigate the e management of the University of IS INSIDE project after the Vice Chancellor “ex- Cambridge’s Nort h West Cambridge pressed his concern about the govern- development project has been strong- ance and management structures” he ly criticised for comprehensive, “sys- said had “enabled” costs to escalate tematic” failures that have lead to pro- without coming to its attention or that jections of overspend on its fi rst phase of senior offi cers and totaling up to £76.2 million. aim of reporting back withbodies, a series with theof e North West Cambridge project recommendations to bring the project was fi rst concei back on track with initial projections. and aims to “ ved in the late 1980s provide the facilities and e Audit Group sought to establish accommodation tha an account of the versity to maintain it will allow the uni- “substantial” forecast ts position as one of costs overrun for the world’s leading universities”, as well current budget setting Phase and 1, analysiscost moni- of as provide for the local community. toring processes, and recommend a set Tickled pink: It is the largest capital project ever of remedial actions to prevent further Corpus Christi College’s Chronophage was illuminated on Wednesday night approved by the university, with over- cost escalation and an all budget estimates of the completed changes required to they other urgent project expected to be in the region of or implementation of the managementplans. Corpus goes pink for breast cancer £1 billion, jointly funded by the uni- e damning report, released on versity and outside sources. Wednesday, reviewed previous in- Lou s Ashworth e plans include development creases in projected costs for the fi rst News Correspondent in Cornwall were of the site to be home marks which wereamong lit up pink the UKto raise land- to 3,000 new phase of the project, with the initial common cancer — responsible for homes, split between university work- underlying construction cost esti- awareness for breast cancer in advance ers and residents, 2,000 collegiate ac- e Corpus Clock on King’s Parade around 1,000 deaths a month. One in mated at £224 million in January 2013 of ‘Wear It Pink’ day, which is taking eight women in the commodation units and 100,000m was lit up pink on Wednes place today. rising to £315 million in July 2014 and marking the 13th day evening, will face a diagnosis, andUnited the KingdomUK has squared of academic and these subsequent overrun projections anniversary of the ‘Wear It Pink’, organised by the space to be divide research ‘Wear It Pink’ campaign for Breast one of the lowest survival rates among d between the pri- raising that total to £378 million in charity Breast Cancer Now, is the European nations. vate sector and university faculties. Cancer Awareness M leading fundraising c July 2015. onth. Dr John C. Taylor, the clock’s design- e site also includes a primary e clock, which de Breast Cancer Awarenessampaign Month. for e e most recent pr cust (the ‘Chrono picts a giant lo- er who studied engineering at Corpus school, shop units, nursery, commu- creases have now breachedojected “fi costnancial in- phage’) eating time, campaign has raised joined 18 of the country’s fi nest ar- over £27 million in the 1950s, stated: “We are delighted nity centre, hotels and facilities for parameters set by the university”, par- since its inception in 2002. senior living. chitectural landmarks in support of to be supporting this fan ticularly its borrowing limit. e charity supports aid of Breast Cancer Now.”tastic event in Breast Cancer Awareness M ers across the UK and Ireland,450 research- and Continued on page 4 e HMS Belfast, Selfridgesonth. in “Breast cancer is a hopes that by 2050 everyone who de- ease... e people of Cambridgedevastating are dis- INSIDE: Birmingham and St Michael’s Mount velops breast cancer will survive. keen to help raise as much awareness Issue 795 | Friday 23rd October 2015 www.varsity.co.uk ASSANGE , HEIDI ALLEN, COST OF LIVING, ADDENBROOKE’SBreast cancer is the UK’s most and money as possible in order to one day put a stop to it”. INVESTIGATION

FOR A FLYING START THIS YEAR.

FOR A FLYING START THIS YEAR GO TO REDBULL.CO.UK/STUDENTWINGS

e Independent Student Newspaper

Issue 795 Friday 23rd October 2015

Published in Cambridge since 1947 www.varsity.co.uk

13 Comment: White feminism 19 Culture: Oxbridge poetry 22 Features: Life after Cambridge 24: Fashion: Vivienne Westwood £1bn build in disarray POWER / REX SHUTTERSTOCK MATT University takes action after damning audit blasts projected £75m overspend on North West Cambridge development

Tom W lson However an audit committee was Sen or News Ed tor set up by the university’s Finance Committee in July to investigate the project after the Vice Chancellor “ex- e management of the University of pressed his concern about the govern- Cambridge’s North West Cambridge ance and management structures” he development project has been strong- said had “enabled” costs to escalate ly criticised for comprehensive, “sys- without coming to its attention or that tematic” failures that have lead to pro- of senior offi cers and bodies, with the jections of overspend on its fi rst phase aim of reporting back with a series of totaling up to £76.2 million. recommendations to bring the project e North West Cambridge project back on track with initial projections. was fi rst conceived in the late 1980s e Audit Group sought to establish and aims to “provide the facilities and an account of the “substantial” forecast accommodation that will allow the uni- costs overrun for Phase 1, analysis of versity to maintain its position as one of current budget setting and cost moni- Tickled pink: Corpus Christi College’s Chronophage was illuminated on Wednesday night the world’s leading universities”, as well toring processes, and recommend a set as provide for the local community. of remedial actions to prevent further It is the largest capital project ever cost escalation and any other urgent Corpus goes pink for breast cancer approved by the university, with over- changes required to the management all budget estimates of the completed or implementation of the plans. Lou s Ashworth in Cornwall were among the UK land- common cancer — responsible for project expected to be in the region of e damning report, released on marks which were lit up pink to raise around 1,000 deaths a month. One in £1 billion, jointly funded by the uni- Wednesday, reviewed previous in- News Correspondent awareness for breast cancer in advance eight women in the United Kingdom versity and outside sources. creases in projected costs for the fi rst of ‘Wear It Pink’ day, which is taking will face a diagnosis, and the UK has e plans include development phase of the project, with the initial e Corpus Clock on King’s Parade place today. one of the lowest survival rates among of the site to be home to 3,000 new underlying construction cost esti- was lit up pink on Wednesday evening, ‘Wear It Pink’, organised by the European nations. homes, split between university work- mated at £224 million in January 2013 marking the 13th anniversary of the charity Breast Cancer Now, is the Dr John C. Taylor, the clock’s design- ers and residents, 2,000 collegiate ac- rising to £315 million in July 2014 and ‘Wear It Pink’ campaign for Breast leading fundraising campaign for er who studied engineering at Corpus commodation units and 100,000m these subsequent overrun projections Cancer Awareness Month. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. e in the 1950s, stated: “We are delighted squared of academic and research raising that total to £378 million in e clock, which depicts a giant lo- campaign has raised over £27 million to be supporting this fantastic event in space to be divided between the pri- July 2015. cust (the ‘Chronophage’) eating time, since its inception in 2002. aid of Breast Cancer Now.” vate sector and university faculties. e most recent projected cost in- joined 18 of the country’s fi nest ar- e charity supports 450 research- “Breast cancer is a devastating dis- e site also includes a primary creases have now breached “fi nancial chitectural landmarks in support of ers across the UK and Ireland, and ease... e people of Cambridge are school, shop units, nursery, commu- parameters set by the university”, par- Breast Cancer Awareness Month. hopes that by 2050 everyone who de- keen to help raise as much awareness nity centre, hotels and facilities for ticularly its borrowing limit. e HMS Belfast, Selfridges in velops breast cancer will survive. and money as possible in order to one senior living. Continued on page 4 Birmingham and St Michael’s Mount Breast cancer is the UK’s most day put a stop to it”. INSIDE: ASSANGE, HEIDI ALLEN, COST OF LIVING, ADDENBROOKE’S INVESTIGATION 2 Editorial Friday 23rd October 2015 When can’t a newspaper report a story?

here comes a point in term when stress can to their students that was unhelpfully strong in reporting the situation provided no redress, and threaten to overwhelm you. Perhaps it’s the threat its tone – supervisions could not be rearranged simply turns a supervisor-student relationship of an impending deadline, or an unexpected cri- if students were ill, students would be charged if that was intimidating for the latter actively hos- sis that arises just when you need to get on and they missed supervisions for any circumstances tile for both? work in the few weeks that Cambridge sets aside other than a medical reason signed of by a quali- for its terms. ied doctor, all written aggressively in a stream Perhaps in such a situation abstraction is the of boldface type and capital letters. Indeed, so only advisable approach. Shefali Kharabanda But what do we do when that threshold gets crudely was the message hammered home that this week writes very eloquently on why we, as crossed? Sometimes, sat in front of your laptop the very students who brought the document to patchwork people, with our own desires, wishes, screen for hours in the library, the inspiration our attention were so afraid of repercussions if interests and passions, need to try and rise above does not come despite that essay deadline loom- they let us report how it had afected them, even the pressure that this institution puts on us so as ing ever closer. Sometimes your emotional state anonymously, that they were unwilling to con- not to lose sight of the fundamental questions. and the requirement to produce a piece of work tribute any testimony to the story. What do I want out of my time at this university? do not collide. What happens then? Am I working for my supervisor, or myself? What his puts a newspaper in a dilemma. Failure to about life afterwards? Sometimes the people who should be the most report the story means those students may now forgiving in such circumstances – the DoSes, the have to spend the year with a supervisor whose here is nothing like the pressure of an eight- supervisors – can make the situation that much initial tone they found so intimidating they felt week term to discourage such thinking. What a worse. Recently this newspaper saw a supervision unable to raise the issue with their colleges’ and radical step it would be if we were to join together EDTIORIAL guidance sheet sent out from a supervisor in MML the university’s support structures. But what if and make that leap.

INVESTIGATION Addenbrooke’s: In intensive care? Varsity Writers’ Meetings

Julius Haswell speaks to medical students afected by the diiculties at the hospital (page 7) SCIENCE Techwatch: Eyes in the sky Technology columnist Charlotte Giford takes a look at the latest drones (page 9) Varsity will be INTERVIEW Claire Parker holding meetings for aspiring writers, Varsity Introducing talks to former he Big Painting Challenge contensant and MML inalist at Clare (page 12) photographers, illustrators, designers COMMENT and sub-editors every Monday in our More than religion Dominic Cawdell argues that Pope Francis has a message ofices at 16 Mill Lane at 6:30pm. that we should all listen to (page 13)

THEATRE Come along, or Preview: Frankenstein he cast of next week’s ADC main show explain how they email [email protected] to find out more. are bringing the monster to life this Halloween (page 27) REVIEWS House of Windows

Frances Reed highly recommends this coming-of-age story of a iteen-year old Trinity mathmo (page 28)

E Tom Freeman [email protected] D E James Sutton [email protected] M E Eleanor Deeley [email protected] B M Mark Curtis business@ varsity.co.uk P E Daniella Mae Briscoe-Peaple (Senior) Kenza Bryan, Callum Hale-homson, Megan Lea, Alice Chilcott [email protected] A E Peter Lloyd-Williams associate@ varsity.co.uk N E Tom Wilson (Senior), Joe Robinson & Jack Higgins (Deputies) [email protected] C E Bret Cameron [email protected] I E Julius Haswell & Dermot Trainor (Deputy) [email protected] C E Noa Lessof Gendler (Senior), Nancy Hine, Husna Rizvi & Imogen Shaw [email protected] S E Georgi Rusinov & Saeed Kayhanian [email protected]  E Tom Wheeldon & Finny Taylor [email protected] C E Emily Bailey-Page & Shefali Kharabanda [email protected] T E Jonathan Shamir & Sarah-Jane Tollan [email protected] F E Meg Honigmann & Hannah Parlett [email protected] R E Amelia Tudhope [email protected] A S E Peter Rutzler S E Katie Hurst & Angus Satow [email protected] I E Eddy Wax & Naomi Obeng [email protected] O E Luisa Callander & Ellie Matthews C S-E Eliza Jones P E Simon Lock [email protected] I Ben Waters, Alex Shuttleworth, Megan Lea P E Callum Hale-hompson, Megan Lea, Sophia Gatzonis, Sanjukta Sen, Joanna Lee V B Dr Michael Franklin (Chairman), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Michael Derringer, Michael Curtis, Talia Zybutz (VarSoc President), Tom Freeman, James Sutton, Eleanor Deeley NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT Varsity, 16 Mill Lane, Cambridge CB2 1RX. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes the Mays. RECYCLING Recycled paper made ©2015 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. up 78.9% of the raw material for UK Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 42.5gsm newsprint. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. ISSN 1758-4442 newspapers in 2011 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT Perella Weinberg Partners provides independent investment banking advice and asset management services to leading companies and investors around the world.

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To apply, send your CV and covering letter to [email protected] For more details visit www.tpp-uk.com/careers 4 News Friday 23rd October 2015 Union debates Assange as referendum result looms

Dermot Tra nor House should host Julian Assange’. Union President Oliver Mosley News Correspondent has been on the defensive, insisting that it would be wrong to talk of the Julian Assange blazed to worldwide Cambridge Union being ‘in turmoil’. notoriety in 2010 when he released a “We have 50 people working at the huge trove of politically sensitive doc- union,” he said. “Following Helen uments supplied by Chelsea Manning Dallas’s resignation, we still have 49.” through his organisation, WikiLeaks. e Union’s debate last night re- e debate then was one of Assange’s fl ected the way in which the focus is threat to national security, trigger- now almost entirely on Assange’s al- DE LA NACIÓN ARGENTINA MINISTERIO DE CULTURA ing a US government investigation leged sexual crimes. Over the course still thought to be ongoing. In 2011, of the debate, only one fl eeting men- charges of sexual assault came to light, tion was made of Assange’s contro- brought against Assange by women versial past as the editor-in-chief of in Sweden. Assange subsequently ap- WikiLeaks. Instead, the debate cen- plied for and was granted asylum by tred on the “legal grey area” of a man the Ecuadorian government in June who is technically innocent because 2012. However, Assange’s time within the statute of limitations on the charg- the Ecuadorian Embassy in London es against him has expired, but whose has not reduced his profi le. He has “running away from the law” in the hosted a Russian talk show, been on words of one debater, condemns him the Simpsons, and has played host to with an aura of implicit guilt. Debate a queue of notables, including most raged between speakers who either recently Lady Gaga. Over the course promoted Assange or his potential of his three-year self-imprisonment victims. Opposing the motion, speak- in the Embassy, Assange has also ap- ers James and Eleanor railed against a peared writ large for multiple public man “who had refused to co-operate occasions, usually via a weblinked in law enforcement” and for whom Assange’s main public appearances in the last 3 years have been via video link screen. His latest invitation to do so is the Union “was providing yet another from none other than the Cambridge platform”, potentially contributing to added that this referendum could set out during the debate, in which she statement was met by a momentary Union Society. “the glamorisation of Assange” at the a bad precedent for the future, noting criticised the Union’s initial move to pause for thought in the chamber, be- Despite having hosted Assange sev- expense of women who claim to be that the “Union had a long history of invite Assange as a sign that the insti- fore general debate resumed. eral times before, the Union’s Standing victims sexual abuse. controversial speakers” and that de- tution is “so pre-occupied by the tired Following a further two speeches, Committee has on this occasion faced e proposition debaters instead ciding not to host Assange would put narrative Assange off ers that they Union President Oliver Mosley drew an unprecedented backlash from its focused on “providing Union mem- the Union “on a slippery slope,” such are turning back on their promise to the debate to a close, reminding all own members. In particular, the resig- bers value for their money”, claiming that “all future standing committees update their structure and their sub- present that the 24-hour referendum nation of the Union’s Women’s Offi cer that the Assange invite “practically will fear what will happen” if they try stance.” Chorley claimed that by in- period on whether to extend the invi- early in October sparked national press only impacts people who are interest- to invite contentious fi gures. viting Assange, the Union was visibly tation to Assange was then offi cially coverage and precipitated yesterday’s ed” and even provided an opportunity A statement from CUSU’s Women’s “struggling to remain interesting”, but open. e voting window closed at referendum debate on whether ‘ is to hold Assange “to account”. ey Offi cer, Charlotte Chorley, was read risked threatening “fair debate”. e 10pm last night. Punt Wars: the council strikes back

Joe Rob nson aggressive touting, while those was now “very much the higher Fancy running a pre-built dotcom startup operators at registered stations number of touts”. Deputy News Ed tor are only allowed to tout for On the issue of the number ... without the Þnancial risk? business within a certain prox- of touts, he argued the problem Competing punt operators in imity of those stations. was “the sheer number” and Cambridge city centre could A report in December by Mal that was “spoiling the quality We are looking for either an individual but more be banned from touting for Schofi eld of Cam Conservators of walking round the city, as likely a team of Cambridge students to monetise business if the council adopts made reference to “unauthor- you’re being stopped so much”. excellemon.com in a part-time 6 month project (with restrictive measures currently ised punting” and a “punting A King’s College student said: under consideration. monopoly” as the second and “ ank goodness these guys are half-way review/mutual break-point). Cambridge City Council is third biggest issues facing the being cracked down on. considering implementing a River Cam. “It’s so annoying when you’re We will allocate a project budget and pay the Public Spaces Protection Order Speaking to Cambridge trying to walk to college from (PSPO) that could ban punt News, the council’s Safer King’s Parade but you can’t student team a modest base salary/loyalty payment, touts from certain areas. Communities Manager Lynda get through because a tout has but the real potential to make money will be via a e proposed measures Kilkelly said they were “looking stopped a big group of tourists come in the wake of ‘punt wars’, at what evidence we have”. to try and sell them a ride on a revenue share. If after 6 months the project is where the increasingly aggres- b o a t .” successful, we are prepared to negotiate a new deal sive tactics used by punt touts Another student echoed the around a share of equity in the business, offering have led to complaints from sentiment, telling Varsity: “It’s shoppers and local residents. a bit annoying when they block the potential for a follow-on full-time job and career. While acknowledging that your way and you’re in a rush. the sheer quantity of punt “THANK GOODNESS “But I also feel sorry for the Amongst your team, ideally you would have a mix of touts in the city centre poses touts, who have to be out there a problem, punting companies THESE GUYS ARE BEING all day in the cold.” skills including marketing, coding and client have defended their actions John Milne, a Tour Manager relationship management. Above all however, we by arguing that such behav- CRACKED DOWN ON” at Visit Cambridge, said: “A lot are seeking a leader with real entrepreneurial zeal iour is necessary to succeed in of people either don’t take the Cambridge’s competitive multi- time to complain or don’t know prepared to channel concentrated energy into the million-pound punt market. e council says that most how to – and go away with a project. One independent punter even people who are picked up for bad impression.” told members of his group he punting near Great St Mary’s He continued: “You can’t was seeking advice over wheth- and along KIng’s Parade tend quantify what eff ect it’s hav- Write to us at [email protected] to learn more. er the Cambridge punt market to punt with operators working ing because these people who breached competition rules, at Garret Hostel Lane, which is complain [are] probably the tip and was considering raising the not a recognised punt station. of the iceberg.” issue with the Competition and Dave Prinsep, the city’s Head Earlier this year, the City Markets Authority. of Property Services, stated Council brought its fi rst PSPO ere is already a bylaw that the touting situation “used to try and remedy the issue of in place through the Cam to be more aggressive than it street drinking around Mill Conservators that regulates is”. He stated that the problem Road. Friday 23rd October 2015 News 5 Students urged to avoid fraudulent accommodation fi rm

Lou s Ashworth able to view accommodation in person before signing agreements.

News Correspondent In October 2014, Trading Standards ROB NOBLE and the universities’ offi cers issued a Students at the University of Cam- joint statement to students living in bridge and Anglia Ruskin University Cambridge, warning them of a grow- have been urged not to use City Rooms ing trend of rent rip-off and raising REDDIT Cambridge after concerns were raised awareness of “bogus advertisements” about the company. on legitimate websites. e status of the accommodation Cambridge is a hotspot for “my girlfriend is looking for provider, which has been reported as scammers due to the rapidly increas- rooms, came across this. ey fraudulent by the City Council, was ing prices of local property. A report want to make you transfer a de- raised on the ARU Accommodation by Cambridgeshire Insight earlier posit + 1st months’ rent to them. Twitter account on Monday. this month showed that Cambridge She had a feeling it was a bit too City Rooms Cambridge’s website had seen the highest annual house good to be true and checked one has since ceased to function and the price increase in the country, ahead of of their rooms out – it’s college- company’s internet presence has Oxford, Bristol, and even London. disappeared. Earlier this month, the University of owned accommodation.” ose who attempted to contact – Wolf awra the company, which appeared to of- fer attractive prices for accommoda- tion, were asked to pay a deposit fee in “its a scam. e local couchsurf- addition to a month’s rent in advance Students are encouraged to use college accommodation ing group warn about it all the without seeing the room. THERE HAS BEEN A RISE time.” ose who investigated further Anyone looking for a room is ad- opportunity for research, Dr Van Der – FMBiochem found that the room on off er actually IN SCAMS RELATING TO vised to never hand over any money Zee and two colleagues examined how belonged to an unspecifi ed college. ACCOMMODATION AND WE until they have proof that the room is such scams operate, submitting their Julie Darsley, from the University of actually available for rent, and to avoid fi ndings to an academic journal. Cambridge’s Accommodation Service, ADVISE ALL OUR MEMBERS TO using money transferral services that “I feel sorry for the people who said that “City Rooms is well known to BE CAREFUL WHEN SEARCHING can make payments diffi cult to trace get stung by these kinds of things. us as a fraudulent company” stating and reclaim. e people doing the stinging are that “[t]here has been a rise in scams Dr Sophie Van Der Zee, who moved usually so remote they are pretty relating to accommodation and we to Cambridge in 2013 to under- much unreachable and untouch- advise all our members to be careful Cambridge also warned all staff about take postdoctoral research with the A LITTLE TOO GOOD able. However... this one might when searching”. the dangers of online fl at scams. Computer Lab’s Security Group, near- She added that students ought to al- e university’s Accommodation ly fell victim to such a scam. TO BE TRUE not be.” ways make sure to “meet the landlord Service has confi rmed that several She said that she “found a beauti- – darth_pingu face-to-face” and “never hand over university members and visitors had ful and aff ordable place on Craigslist”, mone” or “take a property” without lost considerable sums of money in and although the fl at “seemed a little Users of online forum site Reddit having seen it fi rsthand. these scams. too good to be true”, she contacted the raised the alarm in late September. To “I saw their ads. I reverse- Accommodation scams are com- e Accommodation Service en- landlord. Only when he asked her for avoid getting tricked, users suggested searched the number and it was mon in Cambridge owing to the high couraged room-hunters to avoid us- a “deposit via Western Union” did she copying and pasting parts of the room defi nitely for a diff erent business.” demand for student rooms in the city ing unfamiliar sites, and advised stu- defi nitely know she was “dealing with description into a search engine in or- – 8__ and the high proportion of interna- dents to always arrange their housing a scammer”. der to see if they match up with exist- tional students, some of whom are not through the university itself. Viewing the experience as an ing, more reputable listings. Study fi nds quarter of students spend £15 or less a week on food Looking for Jack H gg ns

Deputy News Ed tor SIMON LOCK direction? A recent study has found that nearly a quarter of students are spending less than £15 a week on food. is fi gure represents less than half of what students should be spending on food, according to advice from the University of York and University of Fenners is the place for exceptional candidates Reading. ey suggest students should be spending between £32 and £44 a looking for exceptional opportunities. week on food to eat healthily. e research – conducted by Identified by the Legal 500 as one of the select “Top Tier” barristers’ chambers, Fenners Voucherbox – also contained other is the only chambers with this accolade in the East of England and, with 50 barristers troubling fi ndings, with 24 per cent of students cutting their spending on based there, is the chambers of choice for the region. books and study materials in order to Position yourself eat. e University of Cambridge’s web- Every year we offer training opportunities to a small selection of recruits of the highest site says that most weekly kitchen fa- calibre – most of whom go on to become full members of chambers. cilities charges – levied at some col- If you feel you have the requisite abilities and a desire to work within our progressive leges – are around £13-£19, which The Sainsbury’s Basics range is, crucially, cheap doesn’t include the cost of around £3- also revealed that they had eaten an eating the same thing all week – it’s organisation, please take a look at the recruitment page on our website: £6 for individual meals. “unhealthy or strange meal” due to cheap, it tastes good and makes me www.fennerschambers.com/recruitment. A third-year student at Emmanuel constraints on their budget. Bananas feel good after.” College told Varsity that catered halls with baked beans and cereal for each Voucherbox manager Shane Forster If you want to make an enquiry about training opportunities or the application procedures, were both a “blessing and a curse”. If meal of the day were given as exam- said that students having to cut back please contact our Senior Clerk, Paul Green, via email [email protected] cheap, they can “liberate students ples of such “strange” meals. on other “important amenities” was or call him on 01223 431900. from hassle and monetary worries”, e study mentions other “hor- “very concerning” and highlighted a but equally if expensive they can “leave ror stories”, such as having stale tor- “very real, grim reality.” little other option” when there are of- tilla chips for all meals of the day, or e fi ndings echo research by ten poor self-catering facilities. living off baked beans for an entire Student Money Saver earlier this year, Students surveyed also claimed that week. which found that 40 per cent of stu- they would have to cut down on heat- One student at Anglia Ruskin who dents have gone without food due to 3 Madingley Road | Cambridge | CB3 0EE | E [email protected] | T 01223 368761 ing and medicines, as they could not survives on the low fi gure of £15 a concerns over money and that nearly otherwise aff ord to eat. week said: “I’m not concerned about a third have considered dropping out W www.fennerschambers.com 70 per cent of students surveyed my health, just price. I don’t mind due to fi nancial insecurity. 6 News Friday 23rd October 2015 VC “concerned” as project’s management slammed

Continued from front page emphasised that even on the basis of ese additional costs had been the worst extreme of projected cost produced by multiple late design overruns, that there remained “sub- changes, increases in scope of the fi rst GLASBERG NATALIE stantial headroom” before the project phase, increases in allowance for infl a- ceased to be of a positive net value to tion costs, and other factors the com- the university. mittee was unable to to identify due to A university spokesman told Varsity “lack of granular and consistent infor- that “North West Cambridge has mation in the data provided”, totaling been confi rmed as a fi nancially sound £24.7 million. ese changes were ap- project that is on target to be self-fi - proved by the Finance Committee. nancing and will deliver on its strate- e report also highlighted failures gic objectives. across a broad range of areas, prima- “Some diffi culties have recently rily regarding “project setup and plan- arisen with the development, mainly ning”, “project leadership”, “risk man- down to infl ation in construction agement” and “cost reporting”. costs and problems with the timely in- In regards to the project setup, it stallation of the site-wide infrastruc- was found that the project’s success ture. e University commissioned a criteria confl icted and were poorly review of the project to understand defi ned, and that “development con- the projected cost overruns and why tingency was not adequately defi ned” The Vice Chancellor cuts topsoil at the North West Cambridge development site last month the full fi nancial implications were not with “no delineation or ring-fencing Director, were found to be working compounded by an “apparent lack of this at £277 million. None of these in- reported sooner. As a result, we are of the component of the contingency part time, the Project Director work- clarity within the membership of the consistencies were explained. making some adjustments to elements that was reserved for risk”. ing “approximately one day per week” Syndicate as to its responsibilities”. ese failures took so long to come within the overall development, tight- is lack of clarity regarding budget while spending the rest of the week on In regards to risk management, the to university attention, the report stat- ening up governance and management set aside for contingency meant that wider roles within the university and report criticised the simplistic way ed, as increases in construction costs structures and ensuring that suffi cient by April 2013 that 45% of the con- the Finance Director retaining many risk was reported, the accuracy of its were off set by reductions elsewhere investment is made in key skills for de- tingency budget had already been al- previous responsibilities and thus “ef- assessment and the lack of a “consist- in the budget, such as in develop- livery to the current timetable.” located, this fi gure rising to 85% by fectively performing two roles”. ent and rigorous assessment of risk” in ment contingency, and so resulting in e spokesman confi rmed that the December the same year. e Syndicate, an oversight body calculating fi nancial estimates. a net zero eff ect in the reported cost university was seeking to appoint a full By the time risks began materialis- responsible for the “management, de- Finally cost reporting was con- forecast. time Project Director and CEO, would ing in subsequent years, “the contin- velopment, and stewardship” of the demned for the lack of consistency In response to these problems, the improve fi nancial and risk reporting, gency had largely been depleted”. North West Cambridge Development, and comparability in budget estimates Audit Group gave 17 recommenda- and that the university has not yet in- e report notes that this contin- was also subject to criticism in the and cost forecasts, and inconsistencies tions, including the appointment of curred any additional costs. gency money was primarily allocated report. of costs appearing in the budget esti- full time directors, a comprehensive “ e review made it clear that no to signifi cant design and quality en- e auditing committee said that in- mates but not forecast costs, as well overview of objectives, success crite- single factor was responsible and dif- hancements, something that was “not stead of acting exclusively as an over- as of overall budgets themselves, with ria, fi rst phase costs and contingency fi culties in the early stages are not normal practice”. sight body, the Syndicate was spend- diff erent budgets appearing in diff er- plans, as well as an overhaul of the uncommon with projects of such e project’s leadership and over- ing so much time on “minor project ent reports. e Executive report de- membership and composition of the scale and complexity. However, the sight was also heavily criticised. e decisions” that it limited “its ability fi ned the construction budget as £223 university’s Syndicate. University is committed to learning Executives, including Project Director, to provide objective challenge to, and million while the original construction Despite these signifi cant setbacks, from this for North West Cambridge Deputy Project Director, and Financial scrutiny over, the Executive”. is was budget approved by Regent House had the university’s Director of Finance and future projects.”

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www.hostelhoff.com Friday 23rd October 2015 News 7 Is Addenbrooke’s in intensive care? Julius Haswell uncovers anger among medical students following the Care Quality Commission report that led to the trust being put into special measures

ddenbrooke’s puts patients per cent felt that the CQC report was ‘at risk’”. “Addenbrooke’s damaging to the hospital, and while hospital put into special many commented on the great levels “A DEAN MORLEY measure”. “Serious staff shortages at of care they see at the hospital, the Addenbrooke’s.” management was often the target of  ese were the headlines that greet- criticism. ed us on 22nd September as a report Medics receive a great deal of by the Care Quality Commission practical teaching from the hospital (CQC) branded the Cambridge in their clinical studies, and of those University Hospitals as overall in- surveyed, 30 per cent agreed that their adequate.  e sheepishly apologetic education at Cambridge had been response from the Chair of the CUH undermined by the report, with one NHS Foundation Trust read: “I would student even telling us some of their like to say sorry to our patients for a contemporaries were considering not lack of eff ective systems and processes staying on because of the report. across our trust...”  e Cambridge Medical School has However, this failure had been declined to comment on the report. showing signs of coming to a head  e lack of trust uncovered by the well in advance of the recent report. report is very disturbing, and may Addenbrooke’s was rated as one of the worst A&E departments in the country Although within it staff were praised well prove to have lasting damage on and rated as excellent, it has become future students training to be medical However, by far and away the big- funding cuts as an aggravating factor. time that the government was order- apparent that those same staff had professionals. Considering the medi- gest concern the report raised was In light of the recent student pro- ing the NHS to cut £2 billion from its been very unhappy with the manage- cal profession relies heavily on junior the lack of funding and staffi ng at the tests against the government’s pro- eff ective budget. ment at the hospital for a long time, doctors, any kind of lack of confi dence hospital. One medical student com- posed changes to junior doctors’ con- While it is still clear that the lev- with an anonymous insider indicating in their medical education may well be mented: “ e CQC report is abso- tracts, this report only confi rms some el of overall care and ability of the that every major managerial resigna- detrimental to any medical practice in lutely meaningless as all it highlights people’s view that the NHS is being cut medical staff at Addenbrooke’s is very tion was “not unexpected”. the future. is that there is a lack of funding but the too deep to function properly. As one good, the lack of trust in the hospital Monitor, the organisation that care given by the doctors and nurses is student put it: “[ e report] seems just among medical students is worrying. placed the trust in special measures, outstanding...the politics side is what a small part of the wider issue of an in- Even though the majority of students predicted a budget defi cit of £64 mil- needs sorting out.” creasingly underfunded NHS which is did not think that the report would lion for 2015/16, but more shocking Another student made the point hurtling towards the edge.” make them lose faith in the medical perhaps was the report that the hos- that the hospital isn’t getting enough  e reasons behind the trust’s education they are receiving, the fact pital had been overspending by £1.2 THE SYSTEM CAN’T COPE funding to keep up with chang- diffi culties are generally agreed that this is a prospect for 30 per cent million a week.  is led to the resigna- ing times: “ ey don’t have enough to be fi nancial and managerial. of those surveyed is itself cause for tion of the Chief Financial Offi cer Paul money to supply adequate resources Addenbrooke’s was ordered to switch concern. James in anticipation of the report. Just under 50 per cent of the peo- so Addenbrooke’s is of course in need to the American eHospital system, So while the interim chief of  is is not the only major resigna- ple surveyed also felt like the CQC of more staff ...there aren’t enough re- the fi rst hospital in the UK to do so. the hospital, David Wherrett, tion the hospital has seen. Insiders report undermined the University of sources for an ageing population and Having faced issues when fi rst imple- may praise the “success” uncov- report a few members of the trust’s Cambridge directly; a damning sta- the system can’t cope.” mented, it lead to a 20 per cent drop ered in the CQC report, for many board resigning since July, with the tistic given Cambridge’s aim to be  e lack of funding for in A&E performance, as well as having medical students that may not be fi nal nail in the coffi n coming from the best university at which to study Addenbrooke’s is an area that has been cost the hospital £200 million.  ese enough to regain their trust at this dif- Dr Keith McNeil, previous chief of medicine. For any potential students addressed before, more recently by changes were being made at the same fi cult time. Addenbrooke’s, who resigned in mid- coming to study at the university, the Daniel Zeichner, Cambridge’s Labour September.  e same insider at the report is hardly a fi tting welcome. Party MP. Commenting on January’s To what extent do you agree that the recent CQC report is damaging to the hospital? hospital also said that his resignation Furthermore, the fi ndings of inadequate A&E fi gures, he said: “ e had been on the cards for some time the report are not isolated cases latest fi gures, showing that a third of before he fi nally stepped down. It is in Addenbrooke’s history. Earlier people are waiting over four hours are rumoured that Dr McNeil’s family in the year, it was revealed that deeply disappointing – and at a hos- moved back to his home in Australia Addenbrooke’s A&E department was pital in the constituency of former in anticipation of his resignation. the worst performing of its kind in Health Secretary Andrew Lansley Yet for all of the reports on the the country. Only 75.2 per cent of pa- should be a source of deep shame for hospital and its failings, little consid- tients were seen in the standard four the coalition government.” eration has thus far been given to the hour waiting period, with the national Speaking about the CQC report, impact the developments will have on target standing at 95 per cent. In light however, Zeichner also noted: “ e those students who receive their med- of this, the interim Chief Executive, Conservatives promised extra for the ical education at the hospital. David Wherrett, insisted: “Our serv- health service. We haven’t seen it.” A survey of 46 medical students ices continue to be recognised nation-  is was also a point widely ad- studying at Cambridge carried out ally and internationally for their safety dressed by the medical students sur- by Varsity found that a remarkable 71 and patient outcomes.” veyed, with many citing the NHS

Report into Addenbrooke’s “paedo doctor” released policy to commit his crimes on 18 taking an interest in their outside Tom Freeman patients. lives. He also relied on the fact the News Correspondent Bradbury also used a “spy pen” to department was busy to hide his take photographs of his victims dur- crimes. An investigation into how a paedo- ing consultations. When colleagues did query his be- To what extent do you agree that the CQC report undermines the University? phile doctor at Addenbrooke’s Hos- All of Bradbury’s victims, some of haviour, the report notes how they pital was able to abuse his young whom have since died, were suff er- were always given a “plausible” and patients has found clues were missed ing from haemophilia, leukaemia or acceptable excuse. Staff could not and that he manipulated rules to other serious conditions. therefore be blamed for failing to avoid detection.  e report, which was commis- raise the alarm over his behaviour, it Myles Bradbury was jailed for 16 sioned by the hospital, found that notes. years in December after being con- clues to his off ending had been However, Cambridge University victed of 25 off ences including vo- missed by colleagues, including Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust yeurism, sexual assault and the pos- phoning families on his personal was praised in the report for acting session of more than 16,000 indecent number to make appointments and decisively after concerns were raised images in the period 2009-2013. seeing some children more than in November 2013.  e report by Verita, a consul- necessary without recording the A woman complained after her tancy specialising in public sec- consultations. 11-year-old grandson was asked to tor investigations, found that the Other missed warning signs in- strip naked and touch his genitals. paediatric haematologist, who had cluded one nurse thinking Bradbury After she informed the paediatric worked at the hospital for fi ve years, was “bending over backwards” to see day centre, Bradbury was suspended, manipulated the system to perform his patients out of hours. and only returned to the hospital for “criminal, intimate examinations” on  e report also notes his use of formal interviews. his patients. “excessive” puberty checks to assault Bradbury was described by the  e 42-year-old from Suff olk had his patients. trial judge as one of the worst paedo- taken advantage of the hospital’s ap- Bradbury was also able to befriend philes he had ever encountered. pointments system and chaperone patients, grooming his victims by 8 News Friday 23rd October 2015 NEWS IN Cambs Tory slams tax credit cuts BRIEF Harry Curt s Sen or News Correspondent BBC PARLIAMENT

Heidi Allen, the Conservative MP for South Cambridgeshire, used her maiden speech in Parliament on Tues- day to criticise the government’s plans to cut tax credits. I’ve had the slime of my Life While conceding that “tax credits Cambridge’s moistest club has an- do need to change”, she stated that nounced plans for its 20th birthday “too many people will be adversely af- celebrations next month. e club, fected” by the current proposals. which fi rst opened its doors on 20th e speech, which was described by November 1995, has become (in) Labour MP Roger Godsiff as “remark- famous among Cambridge students able” and “excellent”, came during an for its dank Sunday evening embrace. Opposition Day debate that moved to Robson and Jerome were at the top of call the government to reverse its de- the charts when primordial Life fi rst cision on tax credits, the cuts to which appeared in Cambridge. are scheduled to come into eff ect in April 2016. Allen, who represents students at both Homerton and Girton Colleges, said that the proposed changes, which will see the government aim to cut £4.5 billion from the tax credits bill, Syren song as restaurant were not in keeping with Conservative values. closes She claimed that “true Conservatives Syrens, a Mediterranean restau- have compassion running through rant next to the Corn Exchange, has their veins” as she drew attention closed after just one year of business. to the “many” for whom “choosing e former owner, Ab Attia, thanked whether to eat or heat is…the reality.” customers for their support, but e MP accused the government Heidi Allen said that she has been “trying flipping hard” to avoid delivering her maiden speech explained that he has now sold the of a “single-minded determination to business in order to focus on running reach a budget surplus.” by David Cameron last August under concerns about the transitional period fi nancial reward”, will not work for Stazione. which new domestic policies are eval- once the changes come into eff ect. Cambridge. uated according to their impact on the David Cameron defended the gov- Allen, who holds a degree in astro- family. ernment’s approach to tax credits at physics, was elected as MP for South Allen made her case on the grounds Prime Minister’s Questions, while Cambridgeshire in May’s General that “cutting tax credits before wages Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn chal- Election with a majority of 20,594 “TRUE CONSERVATIVES HAVE rise”, “showing parents will be better lenged the Prime Minister to tell the votes. Prior to entering parliament she off not working”, and “sending a mes- House which part of Allen’s speech he was a businesswoman, with experi- COMPASSION RUNNING sage to the poorest and most vulner- disagreed with. ence working for organisations includ- Books bonanza as uni THROUGH THEIR VEINS” able in our society that we do not care” is is not the fi rst time that Allen ing ExxonMobil and Royal Mail. receives benefaction all stand in opposition to this test. has criticised plans put forward by the She was selected as the Conservative e government plans to counteract government, having previously con- candidate for the seat, held by the e University has announced that it the impact of tax credit cuts with the demned housing plans. Conservatives since its creation in has received a benefaction of 22,000 While Allen eventually voted with creation of the National Living Wage. In September, she said that the gov- 1997 by former Health Secretary art history books and catalogues from her party to reject the opposition’s However, in saying that these chang- ernment’s right-to-buy plans, which Andrew Lansley, after missing out on Sir Alan Bowness, former director of motion, she argued that the govern- es are “not concurrent”, the South she argues will see local authorities the Conservative candidacy for South the Tate Gallery and founder of the ment’s proposals fall short of passing Cambridgeshire MP joins a grow- “forced to sell their high-value coun- East Cambridgeshire months earlier Turner Prize. the ‘family test’, a criterion introduced ing list of Conservative MPs voicing cil houses without keeping the full following a miscount of votes. ‘Yours, Cambridge’ receives $25m gift people actually make decisions and chair of President Obama’s Global Sarah McCullagh respond, as opposed to how theorists Development Council, chief econom- News Correspondent believe they should. Working along- ic advisor at Allianz, and the former Advertise with us side academics, practitioners and CEO and Co-Chief Investment Offi cer e ‘Yours, Cambridge’ fundraising researchers, the Institute will adopt of Pacifi c Management Company To advertise in any of our print publications or on our website, campaign, which launched last week- a multidisciplinary approach, ben- (PIMCO). please contact our Business Manager end, has received a $25 million dona- efi ting from Cambridge’s expertise in El-Erian and Walters’ donation tion from two alumni. e gift will economics, fi nance and behavioural comes after a year of careful planning Telephone: 01223 337575 fund a new partnership to work to- science, as well as in neuroscience of the unique collaboration between wards a resilient and inclusive global and psychology. e work is seen as the donors, Queens’ and the Faculty of Email: [email protected] economy. more important now than ever, in the Economics. In forging a partnership e University and Queens’ College context of fi nancial crises and grow- between a Cambridge College and Website: www.varsitypublications.co.uk have announced that the $25 million ing inequalities all over the world, and a Cambridge Faculty, Lord Eatwell, gift, from Mohamed A. El-Erian and envisages an improved quality of life President of Queens’ College, says Jamie Walters, will support the work of for all. El-Erian “has stimulated the establish- both the College and the University’s e gift will also provide a ment of new college-university rela- Faculty of Economics by establish- Fellowship at Queens’, for the Chair of tionships – a new way forward for the MODELS REQUIRED ing the El-Erian Institute for Human the El-Erian Institute, as well as linked collegiate university.” Behaviour and Economic Policy, as PhD studentships at the College and However, the promotional video for For Life Drawing workshops well as funding studentships, research an outreach fund. the ‘Yours, Cambridge’ campaign, fea- and a professorship at Queens’. e Cambridge Vice-Chancellor, turing the Fitzwilliam College alum- Dr El-Erian is co-Chair of the £2 Professor Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, has nus David Starkey, has drawn criticism at the Christ's CollegeVisual Arts Centre billion campaign for the University expressed his delight at the donors’ from CUSU’s BME Campaign for pur- and Colleges of Cambridge, which “strong commitment” to Cambridge. portedly “racist” remarks Starkey has £17.50 per hour. has raised £538 million so far. e “ is gift will help us support the made in the past. donors have expressed their “delight students and create the understanding e BME Campaign, in a state- Contact: Issam Kourbaj that [they] can contribute to expand- we need to build a resilient economy in ment released online, claimed that Dr Lector in art, Christ’s College, Cambridge University, CB2 3BU ing access to high-quality learning the globalised era” said Borysiewicz. Starkey is “not a suitable representa- www.issamkourbaj.co.uk and research, as well as its reach and El-Erian graduated from Queens’ in tive for a university that should be wel- For more information please email: [email protected] impact.” 1980 with a fi rst-class honours degree coming students from diverse racial, e Institute aims to narrow the gap in Economics. He is now an Honorary social and economic backgrounds” for between economic policy and how Fellow of the College, serving such a promotional video. Friday 23rd October 2015 News 9 Cambridge Women’s Equality Party celebrates policy launch

Aur ane Terk -M gnot launch last June, expressing her satis- attendees encouraged to form groups faction at seeing that over 80 people and meet each other by volunteers News Correspondent had registered to attend on Eventbrite who went from table to table through- – double the number that had attend- out the evening to encourage discus- e Cambridge branch of the newly- ed the branch’s fi rst meeting. sion. Topics discussed included WE’s created Women’s Equality Party held AURIANE TERKI MIGNOT Laura briefl y mentioned the newly latest statements and attendees’ rea- an event on Tuesday evening to mark released policy document to state sons for getting involved in WE, with the national party’s policy launch. that WE’s central aim this year would the mention of bringing up girls in e event, held at the University be equal pay in the United Kingdom the face of current sexism coming up Sports & Social Club, celebrated the and emphasised that members’ input frequently. launch that had taken place earlier in during the branch’s fi rst meeting in e evening ended with a prize the day in London. June had been “fed back directly to the draw for a book on the suff ragette e Women’s Equality Party, known headquarters and a lot of it went into movement: the winner mentioned as WE, was founded in March last the policies launched today”. that her great-grandmother had been year by Sandi Toksvig, a Cambridge present in New Zealand in 1893, when alumna best known for her work as the country became the fi rst state to a writer and television and radio pro- offi cially grant women the vote, in a gramme host, and Catherine Mayer, a short emotional speech that ended journalist who previously worked for with her stating: “I have to say we are TIME and the Economist. “WE ARE NO MORE EQUAL no more equal than we were when I e current party leader, Sophie was born in 1956, and it’s appalling” to Walker, is a former Reuters journal- THAN WHEN I WAS BORN IN applause. ist and a current Ambassador for the 1956, AND IT’S APPALLING” Before the audience disbanded, National Autistic Society. Laura encouraged attendees to join e party is described on its website The event was run entirely by volunteers the party if they had not done so al- and Facebook page as non-partisan: ready, reporting that the current party while its founders and leader have the economically disadvantaged. of paid parental leave at 9 months, As a reminder of the party’s self- membership fi gure of 45,000 was stated their intention to stand candi- e party’s policy suggestions were with the fi rst 15 hours free; imple- professed non-partisan stance, she higher than UKIP’s. dates, of any gender, in both local and fi rst made public at the London con- menting an equal system of parental jokingly ended her introductory When asked how she had started general elections, they add that candi- ference chaired by Sophie Walker on leave; making age-appropriate rela- speech with the words: “We are going volunteering for the party, Siobhan dates would be free to vote on issues 20th October. tionships education compulsory for to work with the Left, with the Right, Hattersley, who currently works as a not directly pertaining to WE’s policy e 35-page policy document, avail- state-funded schools from the start of with the middle, and, despite what a teacher, replied that she had been in- and core goals as they wish. able on their website, outlines propo- compulsory education; and criminal- lot of people are going to say, we want volved in feminism as a student and is method has recently drawn sitions including lowering the fee for ising the purchase of sex while never to work with men as well!” had immediately sought to become criticism, notably with respect to WE’s issuing employment claims from the prosecuting women for selling sex. A group quiz on feminism then fol- involved with WE when she relocated decision not to include policies on tax current £250 to £50; ensuring that 66 e Cambridge launch event, or- lowed, including questions such as to the Cambridge area for work. credit cuts and tax and benefi t reforms per cent of the candidates replacing re- ganised by one of the current 62 lo- ‘what was the Suff ragettes’ motto’ and Hattersley said she would strongly in their policy document, as some ar- tiring MPs and 66 per cent of the other cal branches of the party, was entirely ‘when was rape in marriage made a welcome members of the Cambridge gue that these will disproportionately candidates are women; achieving bal- chaired by volunteers. crime in the UK?’. student community joining the branch aff ect women. Commentators have anced boards in all listed companies Laura, one of them, introduced Rather than being designed to dis- to ensure that the city’s strong student questioned the extent to which the by 2025; introducing state-funded the evening with a summary of the cuss policy, the evening was rather presence is represented on a local party stands for all women, including childcare for all children from the end Cambridge branch’s work since its a celebration of the launch, with level.

The Fellowship 2016 Ambidextrous brains required

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Deadline for entry: For further information contact: 5 November 2015 Amelie Alaoui, WPP Visit our website and apply online at T: +44 (0)20 7408 2204 www.wpp.com E-mail: [email protected] 10 News Friday 23rd October 2015 Cambridge’s Open University centre to close

Ke r Baker that the loss of the regional centres signalled the failure of the institution’s Sen or News Correspondent “historic mission to be open to people JIM LINWOOD and places everywhere in the UK”. A number of the Open University’s  e letter’s signatories argue that regional centres, including the Cam- “cheaper alternatives to the current bridge branch, look set for closure building (the lease of which has come under plans designed to improve ef- up for renewal) have not been prop- fi ciency for students. erly explored.” A restructuring programme will see  e unions representing the 500 the centralisation of student support members of staff facing redundancy – services into the institution’s head- a number equivalent to around one in quarters in Milton Keynes, and its two nine of the institution’s employment biggest regional offi ces: Manchester roll, excluding tutors – are consider- and Nottingham. 500 members of ing strike action, with a recent senate staff have been told that in order to meeting seeing members vote by 41 keep their jobs, they will be required votes to 31 in favour of a motion which to relocate. described the closures as “operation-  e 7 named centres – Bristol, ally and reputationally very high risk.” Birmingham, Leeds, Cambridge,  e motion also warned that the pro- Gateshead, Oxford and London – fol- posal “fails adequately to support the low the closure of an Open University’s academic mission of the university”, offi ce in Sussex last year. A spokesman and called on the university to explore explained that these regional centres other options. were not providing regional services Pauline Collins, the branch presi- and were not frequently visited by stu- dent of the University and College dents, but have been responsible for Union (UCU) at the OU, speaking to certain curriculum areas. Times Higher Education, stated that  e plans emphasised the fact that UCU’s members felt they had “little the Open University’s (OU’s) na- alternative now but to ballot for strike tional centres in Belfast, Cardiff and action.” She highlighted the logistical Edinburgh remain unaff ected by the issues in the plans, pointing out that The Cambridge branch of the Open University, on Hills Road, is set to close proposals, and the small sub-offi ce staff in the Gateshead offi ce would in Dublin is also expected to remain have a fi ve-hour round trip of 250 us to fi nd a better solution for staff , changing how we work, the student’s support in a way that’s simply not pos- open.  e OU is also considering miles if they were to relocate to their students and the future of  e Open experience of the OU has not been sible in our current offi ce network, maintaining centres in London, albeit nearest centre, in Edinburgh. University.” limited by geography for some time,” and off er our students the sort of sup- a smaller and “more appropriately lo- “Axing over 500 staff across seven Peter Horrocks, Vice Chancellor he said. “ is is a diffi cult decision and port they expect and deserve.” cated” presence. centres would be catastrophic to  e of the Open University, said that I fully recognise the impact it will have A fi nal decision on the proposal will  e proposals have been poorly re- Open University’s ability to provide the changes were aimed at provid- on many of our staff , but we cannot af- be made by the OU’s council in late ceived amongst OU employees, with the kind of support that students ing students with the “best possible ford to stay still. November, with February 2017 the 50 employees signing an open letter to need,” she said. “We hope the univer- experience”. “ is recommendation, if approved, earliest date for the new structure to e Guardian, in which they argued sity will now see sense and work with “With developments in technology would allow us to enhance student be in place.

35 Regent Street, Cambridge, CB2 1AB Telephone: 01223 471582

WE ALL MAKE CHOICES IN LIFE, DON’T LET A BAD HAIRCUT BE ONE OF THEM..

PARKERS BARBERSHOP make it one of your better choices this term. Friday 23rd October 2015 Science 11 Climate change: old dog, new tricks

they sound; rather they choke aquatic surplus generous enough to feed the ling kilometres - powered only by the One aspect of Evolution’s design that Fighting global life. In addition, organic and free- global population with 130 per cent of sun. In a feat of engineering brilliance has not been altered since 2013 is the range regulations generally make no their nutritional requirements accord- and sheer perspiration, 46 teams rep- driver’s seat. “he irst thing you notice warming starts demands of on-farm diversity, so vast ing to Feedback, an environmental or- resenting 25 countries from across when you get in is just how small the areas of single-species crops, or ‘mo- ganisation that campaigns to end food the globe are currently competing to cockpit is! I’m only 5’5-5’6 and it was at your table nocultures’, still abound. With this waste. Such work may be more fruitful become champions of the World So- very tight…” says Richard Morris, a catalogue of grievances, the environ- than blindly increasing production. lar Challenge 2015. he World Solar history PhD who was specially recruit- Kaz Strycharczyk mental outlook for livestock farming It seems reasonable to suggest that Challenge is a biennial race across the ed by CUER to test-drive the vehicle. looks bleak. But amongst the gloom our planet can sustain some level of Australian outback, from Darwin to here is no room for creature com- Science Correspondent is there hope for an environmentally meat production - although the cur- Adelaide that showcases some of the forts in eco-racing, with every ounce sound livestock sector? rently dominant methods are not like- latest innovations in solar technology of weight increasing the demand for Carnivory is getting a bad reputation. he ruminants make a good propo- ly to provide it in an ecologically safe and energy eiciency for transport ap- power and reducing speed. hree tal- A growing awareness of the animal sition on the face of it, so long as they way. Giving up animal products en- plications. Twenty-ifteen will be the ented students (all under 5.5 ft!) will be welfare issues, and increasingly the are mainly pasture-reared rather than tirely is one option and would absolve 4th consecutive time that the Univer- guiding Evolution over the epic 5-6 day environmental impacts, of rearing grain-fed. In this system they convert us of having to ix the meat sector. But sity of Cambridge Eco Racing (CUER) journey across the Australian interior. animals for meat on a mass scale has a source of energy inaccessible to hu- surely the exodus of more educated Team has represented the United Regular rotation between the students led to a backlash by media and con- mans (grass) into one that is (meat and and compassionate consumers will Kingdom in the Challenge, which is is required to cope with the physically sumers with even the vaguest of eco- milk). While they may not do it quite only remove the impetus for the in- being run between the 18-25th of Oc- and mentally exhausting task of the logical consciences. he most recent as eiciently as a ield of potatoes dustry to change? tober. his achievement is a testament race, which is not helped by the lack manifestation – Netlix’s documen- might, they can be left to do it on land to the inspiration, dedication, and of air-conditioning or other luxuries in tary Cowspiracy – advocates mov- too infertile or topographically awk- technical expertise of the 50+ team of the cockpit. As daytime temperatures ing to an entirely plant-based diet. ward to cultivate. In contrast, industry students who have worked tirelessly in the outback are forecast to hit 38- Certainly most current farming meth- and automobiles release carbon oth- over the past 2 years to bring their 41°C for the duration of the race, I for ods, livestock-rearing and arable, are erwise locked as fossil fuels. So-called newest car ‘Evolution’ to peak racing one, am certainly not envious to be in not ecologically benign processes. he ‘silvopastoral’ systems, where animals performance. the driver’s seat! environmental challenges of inten- are grazed on trees and shrubs as well Evolution is truly space age, both in During the lead-up to the race, the sively farming livestock are abundant as grasses, thus minimising carbon appearance and technical speciica- Cambridge team were close with the and serious: disposal of huge amounts release while also being more produc- tions. he unique teardrop-shape of 2 other teams representing the United of slurry; deforestation of land for di- tive than conventional grazing, seem CAMBRIDGE ECO RACING SOCIETY the car is unlike that of typical solar Kingdom from Durham University rect grazing of livestock; the supply of to have a more solid evidence base. vehicles; which have lat-topped, box- and Ardingly College. However, it soya for animal feed, much of which he second group are potentially like structures to maximise the surface was the generosity of race favourites, is grown on denuded rainforest in more problematic, primarily because area available for solar panels. Instead, the Dutch Team Nuon, in lending the South America; pollution of water- of the need to bolster their diet with Evolution relies on having aerodynam- CUER team a “very valuable spare ways; greenhouse gas emissions from something more substantial than ic superiority to give it a competitive part” last weekend that Hibbert cites machinery and livestock; injudicious grass to get them to grow fast enough. edge. As Programme Manager Aurelia as most memorable. his demonstra- use of so-called ‘critically important’ Most popular protein sources – grain, Hibbert commented, “the beneit of tion of team-spirit clearly exempli- antibiotics leading to resistant strains soya, or even ishmeal – carry signii- our concept is that we are minimising ies that the World Solar Challenge is that then subsequently colonise hu- cant environmental costs, exacerbated the energy usage of the vehicle, rather not just a race, but an opportunity for man populations; the use of vast quan- by the fact they are frequently culti- Cambridge Eco than speciically maximising solar in- people to work together to combat the tities of water in rearing livestock; and vated far from the livestock that con- take”. By optimising other design fea- global challenges of energy production inally, the seemingly perverse inef- sume them. But there are alternatives Racing in the tures of the car, such as aerodynamics, and usage that afect all of us. iciencies of rearing animals on grain – some producers are looking to ex- the Team hopes that “the fuel type can Over the weekend, the CUER Team that could be fed to humans when ploit food waste. here is an ongoing Australian bush [be] changed, but the car will still re- successfully passed their inal pre- nearly 800 million people globally are debate over whether food designated main very eicient”, an aspect that will race “scrutineering” assessment and estimated to ‘not have enough food to as ‘catering waste’, which has entered Madeline Kavanagh hopefully contribute to the more rapid completed a qualifying lap to posi- lead a healthy active life’ by the World a commercial or domestic kitchen, introduction of solar powered vehicles tion Evolution 30th on the starting Food Programme. should be fed to pigs. Campaigns like Science Correspondent for general use. grid. he race commenced on Sunday Extensive free-range and organic “he Pig Idea” advocate the feeding Evolution has been updated in a the 18th of October and 46 incredible systems don’t get of scot-free either of such catering waste again, reduc- Hot sun beating down, the smell of number of ways since the previous cars are currently speeding their way – they have issues with waste run-of ing the reliance of the European pig dust heavy in the still air. A lazy midday CUER vehicle ‘Resolution’, which un- towards Adelaide, while many of us and soil erosion. Animal manure is, industry on soya, but with centralised haze rises slowly of the vast expanse fortunately was withdrawn from the here in Cambridge follow the progress as good gardeners understand, rich in sterilisation procedures in place to of red sand that stretches unbroken, 2013 World Solar Challenge only days of Evolution with bated breath. Varsity nutrients (especially an element called avoid further animal disease disasters. towards an endless horizon of obscene before the race commenced because strongly supports the CUER Team phosphorus) and when it leaches into Globally about one third of the food blue. he silence of this panoramic vi- of instability problems. he 2015 and encourages readers to follow the rivers or estuaries it can result in ‘al- we produce is not eaten – enough to sion is unbroken as a snake of electric Evolution model is wider, has a lower Team’s progress at their website and gal blooms’, which are not as pretty as feed a further 3 billion people, with a cars speed their way across 3000 gruel- centre of gravity and stifer tail-section. join them for the 2017 Challenge. he future of drones: eye in the sky?

neighbours, accidental excursions a way of having your own personal promising through loods of tears we tend to see drones as, at worst, a into military airspace, and lying too cameraman, except without having to that, yes, you will visit Ikea later. bit of a nuisance, but Nightwatchman close to aeroplanes. A world swarm- actually force a cameraman to endure Next up is Newsbreaker, the Media highlights the more menacing side of ing with drones is fast-approaching, the boredom of documenting your Drone which ilms and streams news their potential for privacy-invasion. but is this a high-tech vision of the day-to-day life. in real-time. What’s more, it then Drone Aviary raises some inter- future, or is it in fact the last thing But others are a little more omi- writes the reports itself, using story- esting questions about the future of any of us want? nous. Madison, the Flying Billboard, writing algorithms to get a piece out drones. he US transport secretary Superlux are the minds behind an is an advertising drone that uses fa- there faster than any human could. has just recently called for a nation- intriguing R&D project called Drone cial recognition to target consumer If this drone ever makes it out onto wide registering of unmanned air- Aviary, which envisions how drones graphics, tailoring its ads to those our streets, it could mean death of craft. It seems regulators and law could one day inluence our lives. he the news correspondent. So enjoy the enforcers will need to act quickly to project showcases ive types of drone. friendly human faces of Varsity while impose restrictions – this is a craze Before you read on, please don’t have you can. It won’t be long before every that’s not going to die out any time a panic attack thinking that these article is written by drones ominously soon. drones are currently roaming our circulating Cambridge on the lookout streets. hey’re just a projection of IT SEES THE WORLD PRETTY for stories. TECHWATCH what the near-future could look like, But creepiest of them all is but the technology behind them does MUCH HOW THE TERMINATOR Nightwatchman, the Surveillance with already exist. Drone. In Superlux’s short pro- One of the drones is a Traic DOES motional ilm about its drones, Charlotte Management Assistant called Nightwatchman deinitely comes Routehawk. It zips up and down across as the most unnerving. It Gifford roads warning drivers of oncoming around it. hat’s right – this is an ad- sees the world pretty much how hazards, and also logs traic viola- vert that follows you. No “Skip Ad” the Terminator does, patrolling city Drones are the must-haves of 2015, tions. Another is the FlyCam, a drone button, no way of opting out. Just you streets amassing vast amounts of right up there next with selie sticks. that can it in the palm of your hand. running down the street pursued by data, scanning faces for criminal his year has seen an explosion of Equipped with a camera, it could well a lying billboard until you collapse records in order to detect civil ofens- drone-related incidents: spying on be the social media tool of the future; onto the pavement in exhaustion, es and terror threats. At the moment 12 Interview Friday 23rd October 2015 varsity introducing

MML Finalist Claire Parker, who losing the plot entirely. century French theatre to a painting protest, a white fl ag of surrender, or is at Clare College, brushed up her of a cabbage. whether the turpentine fumes had painting skills on her Year Abroad What were you doing on your fi nally got to me. After making it to and then put them to the test on year abroad? Were you more How do your translation skills the fi nal of the show, we were taken national television. creative away from the con- inform your approach to to Dartmouth Royal Navy College straints of Cambridge? translating ideas into art? which, as a 21-year-old languages Can you tell me about your TV student with a striking disinterest in appearance? I’m ashamed to admit Painting or drawing with boats, left me completely cold. My that, though I spent some only a photo for refer- ‘artistic response’ was a single white I took part in BBC One’s e Big time in galleries and on ence is a bit like putting rectangle on a grey background Painting Challenge, a sort of Bake Off painting courses while great literature into which I claimed in crazed sincer- for amateur artists which was broad- studying in Paris and Google Translate: each ity encapsulated Britain’s sea-faring cast back in April. It was amazing but Verona, I spent a great part might be translated heritage. But weirdly, in an hour-long I don’t think I’d do it again. Always deal more in pizzerias NICK ILOTT accurately but the feeling show which literally involved watch- having a camera crew in front of you, and cheese shops, losing and mood are lost and ing paint dry, it was something that being told to resolve a painting in Euros and gaining quite you lose the relationship people remembered, and was the fi rst under three hours, and being subject a few pounds. I stopped with what is in front of of my BBC paintings to sell. I’m still to constant criticism without tuition myself over-indulging by you. But drawing from life glad I took the risk, if only to have does not necessarily make for good going on a “still-life diet”; seems to have the power seen the judges so completely lost for art. at said, I am really proud of a painting the food I bought not only to capture but to words! pastel drawing of a Flamenco dance stopped me snacking on it liberate. In my fi rst French that I did from memory. because otherwise I’d be left translation class, I was told that What are your plans for the future? with nothing but a canvas full of reproducing the original is impos- Did the constant pressure help you crumbs! sible so you might as well make it bet- I’m doing some talks and demon- to develop as an artist? ter. e same goes for art. It sounds strations throughout the year and How will being back in Cambridge impossible but that doesn’t matter; am hoping to exhibit my work next TV cameras make surprisingly good aff ect your creativity? Cambridge for its sheer quantity of it’s the aspiration itself that’s exciting. summer, but for the moment I’m just mirrors and even if I didn’t learn how quirky characters. I’ve even stopped doing the odd painting and running to put things into perspective on the Cambridge is a strange place where bemused strangers on the street to I really like your abstract seascape a life drawing society at my college, canvas, I certainly learnt to how to it’s possible to feel at your most ex- ask them to sit for me. It’s also nice painting. Why did you choose Clare. I’m also saving up to rent a do so in my own head. I also learnt hausted, stressed and creative at the to be able to bring art history into my abstract art for the fi nal BBC studio so that I have somewhere to how to stand up for myself – if you same time. e city and my college essays which I’ve done, it has to be challenge? make a proper creative mess! try to follow a narrative someone else are undeniably beautiful but, as a said, with varying degrees of success. has written for you, you just end up portrait painter, I’m most grateful to I once wrote an essay comparing 17th I still don’t know whether it was a Claire was talking to Jade Cuttle. Bemused by his own ability to entertain Stand-up comedian James Acaster speaks to Eddy Wax about falling into comedy, e Rock and why he gave university a miss

James Acaster has the air of a man in doing that all the time because I on me. He’s this guy who takes him- comedians, especially those from control. didn’t know what I was doing. self so seriously but is really an ab- Cambridge. With a handful of recent Mock the “Everything was quite frantic and solute joke. When comedians find “I’ve never felt like I’ve missed out Week appearances under his belt, the I’d worry that I was ruining comedy themselves funny I am rarely able to

on it. I didn’t want to go to university PHIL MCINTYRE ENTS thirty-year-old comes to Cambridge for myself because I’d be analysing get on board with it unless it’s genu- because I knew that all I was going this week with the show which won everything that happened in my life, ine laughter.” to do was get in debt. I wanted to him his fourth consecutive nomina- wondering if I could make it work as Talking more broadly, it seems do something creative and that was tion for Best Show at last summer’s stand-up. to be the slow process of whittling being in a band. I’m glad that I took Edinburgh festival. down his material that Acaster most the opportunity to do something His blend of neurotic, observa- enjoys and this is what makes him completely uncompromising for tional whimsy sees him talk about the consummate comedian. five years. Even though it didn’t get cheese graters and ready-to-eat ap- “It’s about gradually piecing a show anywhere and wasn’t a success I re- ricots on stage, mining the smallest together, figuring out what it is, so ally value those years as it means I’m aspects of daily life for comedy gold. I’VE ACCEPTED THAT EVERY it’s like you’re dusting off a dinosaur coming from a different place with Indeed, for the Kettering-born skeleton, trying to find it all. my comedy. comic it seems no topic is too small. YEAR I’M GOING TO DO BADLY “To be honest it’s more like you’re I wondered what made it so “This is certainly the persona of discovering it sometimes than creat- uncompromising. someone who believes that everyone FOR A WHILE ing it yourself.” “It was not music that anyone else else thinks the way he does and that Acaster is philosophical about liked apart from me and my friend. it’s a normal way to be thinking.” the trials and tribulations a touring It was experimental stuff, really dif- His sheepish demeanour and drab, “But a filter emerges in your head comedian faces, especially in those ficult to listen to because we’d have jarring clothes make it immediately so that as things happen to me in the early stages when you’re trying out a lots of different melodies going on clear to the audience what Acaster is day, every so often a light will come lot of material for the first time. all at once. about. on and I’ll think I could do some- “I have bad gigs all the time and I ask him what he would have done His persona is that of a socially thing funny with that. It could just it never stops. I used to get moody if he had never done those gigs. awkward over-thinker, bemused by be one word but I’ll then go and try about it but now I’ve accepted that “I think I would have either started his own ability to entertain. it out at a gig.” every year I’m going to do badly for another band or moved to Kenya”. But how did he develop this alter- But what is it about the obser- a while before I figure my show out. From Kettering to Kenya? ego and is it really that far from how vations that do filter through that And a lot of people in the audience COMICS ARE NEUROTIC PEOPLE “Yeah, just going down the alpha- he is in real life? makes them stand out? will think that I’m very unfunny and bet really. I was nearly going to go “I do think it’s about finding who “Every so often you feel that you’ve find me very tedious and annoying. but then I ended up doing stand-up you are as a person”, he says. found something that people can re- But that’s okay. “I learned that it’s a good idea [to] instead.” “I wasn’t really aware of it as I late to but that goes under the radar “Comics being the neurotic people try to meet an audience halfway so I In his new show Represent he talks started off but as I was writing I real- a lot of the time. we are, if we were getting nothing but think I found a middle ground that about his time doing jury duty on a ised that I tend to over-analyse little “That said, sometimes you just good responses from an audience, has informed my stand-up.” double murder case and dishes the things so it was a good fit to go into want to talk about Yoko Ono on night after night, we’d start worrying It was while he was still in the band dirt on his fellow jurors. that for stand-up.” stage so one year I just did that.” that we were doing something bor- playing drums that he did his first Is it a true story? I wondered if that meant he felt Interestingly he cites The Rock as ing and middle of the road.” few comedy gigs, initially as nothing “Well, that is for the audience to doubly pressured in normal life, ago- a big inspiration in informing his be- Having grown up in Kettering, more than an adrenaline boost. decide.” nising over whether every observa- mused onstage persona. Acaster left school during his “But when the band stopped I was James Acaster brings Represent to tion would make good comedy. “l think it’s one of the best comic A-levels, sidestepping a path that 23 and that was the only thing I knew The Cambridge Junction on Friday “When I started off I was definitely creations ever and it is a big influence is familiar to so many successful how to do.” 23 October. Comment Friday 23rd October 2015 Comment 13 Sorry, Emma, but you are a white feminist

mma Watson is of Caucasian gave to prominent men such as John technology allow us to create a vis- generation need to fully comprehend ancestry and she lives in a Stuart Mill in their campaigns.  e ceral bond with a woman on the oth- the gravity of. We cannot waste time E multiracial society where the political capital it potentially earned er side of the globe. But perhaps it’s with niceties: the most severe of Anglo-Celtic ethnic group was his- is undeniable, but in terms of combat- all too close for comfort. Perhaps we crimes against women need to be ar- torically the dominant one. Ergo, she ting the male paternalism, the eff ect need an intermediary, a Watsonian ticulated. We should neither become is “white”, with all of its loaded socio- was most likely counterproductive. ambassador with a pretty face and desensitised to words like menstrual logical connotations. And if she does Put simply, no matter how hard it tinkling voice to relay the suff ering rape, intimate partner violence (IPV) really believe in “the theory of politi- tries, white feminism can never really of other women without the gory de- or fl ogging, but nor should we feel cal, economic and social equality of include ethnic minorities unless they tails, in a manner that is slightly easier squeamish about educating and dis- the sexes”, then I’d say that makes her enter the movement in a fi lial, subor- to stomach. cussing these issues with those of the a feminist too. Cue a Twitter Q&A in dinate capacity. Out of Watson’s entire speech at opposite sex.  at is what HeForShe which she neatly sidesteps the blunt the United Nations, only two sentenc- purports itself to be about. question “Are you a white feminist?” es explicitly referenced the struggles In sum, an apologist approach will with a rambling panegyric to inter- facing other women across the globe not work in the battle against gender sectionality. What’s wrong with that? (child marriage and lack of access to inequality. Watson already vacillated Or, on a more serious note, what is secondary education), as opposed to in excusing “[her] own luck/good wrong with that… ACTING AS A MICROPHONE her own experiences with gender- fortune/privilege something like fi ve Vidya Ramesh Firstly, it’s that she gives white based discrimination (such as being times in [her] UN speech”. We simply feminism an unduly hard time of IS POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR called “bossy” for wanting to direct a don’t have time for this. We need to it. Castigating it as the “exclusion play). hear stories from the horse’s mouth, of black women from the [feminist] LISTENING TO THE VICTIMS  at is not to trivialise Watson’s not through the lens of inevitable White feminism movement”, she then proceeds to dis- THEMSELVES personal struggles; on the contrary I condescension that comes when tance herself from the label by declar- feel a great deal of empathy towards Children in Need or Comic Relief pay isn’t inherently bad, ing that her bosses “(and the people her, as many other educated young for a celebrity to go to Africa to cud- who gave [her] the job) are two black women living in the occident do.  e dle the impoverished children there. but it’s also just not women” Equally we can’t go to the other ex- dregs of institutionalised misogyny It is the same with Watson. She  ere is nothing inherently rep- treme of venerating all feminists of still swill around in the underbelly of might be the perfect candidate for enough rehensible about white feminism. It colour whilst demonising the Emma Cambridge life: all-male drinking so- an ambassador: smart, sharp, witty does not try to actively exclude wom- Watsons.  is means that we can’t just cieties, a disproportionate investment and articulate. But diplomacy doesn’t en of colour, like me. It legitimises countenance Watson’s appointment in male rowing and rugby clubs, not always work. If the prospect of tack- itself through campaigning for the as Goodwill Ambassador because the to mention  e Tab’s coveted title for ling crimes against women need to be eradication of an existing social ill. women she was hired by were black. ‘Rear of the Year’. packaged in an “invitation” for men to But the problem with white feminism Acting as a microphone “to amplify But unlike the world of Model pay attention delivered by an attrac- is this: legitimation extends to the ra- the experiences of other people” is United Nations, the real United tive “white feminist”, then there is a cial inequality that it in itself embod- poor substitute for listening to the Nations and all her subsidiary cam- serious problem. And that problem ies.  ink of the excessive airtime that fi ghters and the victims themselves. paigns do not have unlimited funding. doesn’t lie at Emma Watson’s feet, but the Suff ragists (sorry Newnhamites) We have no excuse – translators and  at is something that the First World at our own. Why the Pope has something to say to all of us

n May this year Pope Francis is- rightly goes on to attack the false and consensus of the consuming-world. that the few can satisfy their insatia- sued the most astonishing docu- treacherous appetites of modern cap- He is emphatic in his belief that the ble appetites. I ment to come from the Holy italism, arguing that the consumerist capitalist system under which we live Whether you agree or disagree See in centuries, an encyclical called understanding of nature is fatal both will not break the cycles of environ- with Pope Francis, and people have ‘Laudato Si’. In this remarkable docu- to the planet and also to the poorest mental degradation; no technology ardently done both, we can’t ignore ment, the Pope addresses every hu- and most vulnerable members of the can fi x the problem of unrestrained his message.  e way the consum- man being in the hope of beginning human race. He may understand the appetite which, Francis argues, domi- ing-world lives is destroying the a revolution to preserve ‘our common benefi ts of capitalism and advances nates our culture. Francis invites us environment and degrading the lives home’ currently under threat from in technology: who can deny, for to dramatically ‘change direction’ - of millions of people, not to mention climate-change, a disregard for the example, the improvement to living criticising the weak response of the the threats to the rest of nature and poor and the dominance of ‘the mar- conditions? But the Pope issues a majority of liberal-minded people biodiversity. Francis is characteristi- ket’. In perhaps the most striking sen- stark reminder: technology gives to who, like the majority of us in this cally critical of the ineff ective global tence of the encyclical, Francis says those with knowledge and economic country, live in a state of compla- response to this apocalyptic-crisis, ‘the Earth, our home, is beginning to resources “an impressive dominance cency and cheerful recklessness. Yet highlighting the many international look more and more like an immense over the whole of humanity and the statements which have led to very pile of fi lth’.  is is increasingly hard entire world”. Francis reminds us of little action. Pope Francis also calls to deny and it is for that reason that how dangerous this concentration of individuals to reconsider their part in I believe ‘Laudato Si’ has something power is. Living under this ‘techno- these systems which exist to satisfy to say to every human person, how- cratic paradigm’ dominates the eco- our need to consume and to fi nd a ever uncomfortable the message is to nomic and political life of our society, WE ARE LARGELY COMPLICIT means of peace and fulfi lment which Dominic Cawdell receive. which means it is skewed in favour IN DAMAGING NOT ONLY does not exploit the world’s poorest Francis begins with the premise of those with money and knowledge. and damage the ‘common home’ on that there is a mutuality inherent It is skewed in our favour, we cannot OURSELVES BUT ALSO OUR which we all dependent. Of course, in nature - we need nature, he says, deny that we benefi t from this skew, COMMON HOME all this has an undeniable spiritual Pope Francis’ recent and we need each other. Of course, and so we often fail to recognise that, dimension for the Pope; the world is he’s right in this and the world is by itself, the market cannot guaran- not, for him, the result of a random encyclical ‘Laudato increasingly waking up to the fact. tee human development or social chain of events but the beloved However, he goes further than most inclusion. In the existing paradigm the Pope’s most scathing criticism is creation of a loving Creator, who has Si’ addresses issues in his conviction that there is a fully we are largely complicit in damaging levied at what he calls the ‘ecological bestowed on creation a dignity which ‘integral ecology’ - protection of the not only ourselves but also our com- debt’ which we are accruing. In our ought not to be violated.  e Holy with which we should environment or the most vulnerable mon home. world, the poor pay for the greed of Father’s fi nal cry is simple: we must all be concerned are to facets of the same moral im- However, the reason I believe the the rich and future generations will abandon the self-centred consumer- perative; our fl ourishing is intimately Pope has something to say to all of us pay for our indulgences now.  ere ism which has led us here, in order related to the fl ourishing of others is because he does not only attack the are inalienable rights and these are to stop the degradation of our fellow and of the earth. excesses of the market, but he also non-negotiable, yet at the moment human and the whole created world. From this premise, the Pope breaks from the liberal, optimistic these human needs are ignored so All I can say is amen; let it be so. 14 Comment Friday 23rd October 2015

Academia is just one square of the blanket

friend of mine recently told emotional sensitivity. our work. It is not that we should not perhaps we might, if we feel ready me about a professor in her For me, this professor’s comment allow ourselves to feel good when to, begin to consider our patchwork A department, a kind soul, to touches upon a fundamental issue we do well academically; rather, we selves; to remember all of the things whom it seemed that the best predic- which I feel that many students here, need to remember to try to not allow that make up who we are. For in- tion of the coming term you could and many students in general, strug- self-worth to depend wholly upon, stance, being a kind friend, or being give to a fresher was: “If you haven’t gle with. And I feel that the stance or become too bound up with, our someone who made everyone laugh broken down by week 6, you aren’t that this comment demonstrates is work. Because the incontrovertible last night instead of doing that bit of working hard enough.” potentially really dangerous. Stripped and beautiful truth is that we are not extra reading, is an achievement. I do Clearly, this is problematic. But I down, at the heart of this comment our work. We are patchwork people, not mean it requires strenuous eff ort, think, perhaps, the best thing to do lies a correlative: an indicator of a with interests and passions which are I mean that making others happy and when faced with remarks such as particular level of emotional wellbe- far more wide-ranging than the name making oneself happy is a worthy these is to try and understand exactly ing (“if you haven’t broken down”) of the degree we will leave this place accomplishment. Spending time do- why they are problematic. Once we being dependent upon academic with, with friends to invest time and ing things which make us feel good can decode them, we can begin to dis- pursuits (“working hard enough”) and happy, whether that be rowing, believe and disregard them with con-  e problem is not that they are as- yoga, or Wednesday night Cindies, is viction. I understand that, in a place sociated: the problem is that they are worthwhile. like this, it can be hard to disregard interdependent.  e emotional wellbeing and aca- hurtful or potentially hurtful com-  e interdependence suggested demic achievement correlative can be ments. We are young. We are always here, that levels of happiness are in- PERHAPS WE MIGHT, IF WE quick to take centre stage, to render Shefali Kharabanda at risk of elevating those older than extricably linked with work, is what other activities that we enjoy less us, those who we may instinctively needs to be challenged. We’ve all been FEEL READY TO, BEGIN TO signifi cant, making them peripheral. feel to be better than we are – whether there. A supervision where an essay CONSIDER OUR PATCHWORK  ese activities can be demoted from gets torn apart, and feeling extremely their own position of value, viewed We succeed as demotivated as a result. Not doing as SELVES; TO REMEMBER ALL OF only as a reward for working. But much reading as we wanted to before we are not our work.  e great thing individuals when our writing an essay, and feeling confused THE THINGS THAT MAKE UP about patchwork is that there is no self-worth depends if it goes well. But there is a distinc- WHO WE ARE hierarchy. Each fragment is the same THE INCONTROVERTIBLE AND tion between who we are and the size and just as important as the rest. on more than just work that we do. And that needs to be A patchwork knitted blanket would BEAUTIFUL TRUTH IS THAT WE remembered, perhaps now more than be incomplete if any of the coloured grades. ARE NOT OUR WORK ever, as we start to settle into weekly energy and eff ort into, with people to squares were removed. Work is only essay deadlines, so that we can pre- love and to be loved by. one knitted square, and it is no big- pare ourselves and be better equipped I understand that this can be a dif- ger than, say, spending time relaxing, for dealing with this assumption – fi cult thing to implement. After all, it or spending time with friends getting they are older students, staff , parents: whether it is self-imposed, due to our is hard to have an awful supervision, ready to dance until there is nothing anyone. And maybe they are better in own high academic standards, or im- with possible feelings of inadequacy else that matters. We are patchwork some ways. But older does not nec- posed upon us by others. or thoughts of hours of work being people, so much more than our work, essarily mean wiser, and academic We need to remember that our wasted, and not feel bad afterwards. and we have the right to all of the intelligence is often very diff erent to self-worth exists independently of It is not invalid to feel this way. But brightest colours. Friday 23rd October 2015 Comment 15 Our curricula are white, and they shouldn’t be

he CUSU BME Campaign made to constantly study the work of critical engagement with them. How fi nd a shared humanity that is based recently held an event ask- white men without any critical frame- do the real life experiences of grass- on their exclusion. We must rid our- T ing the question “Why is work that allows us to question why roots scholars impact academia? Is selves of the idea that there is an in- my curriculum white?”. We invited that is. is kind of thinking is so in- there space for political and feminist herent value in studying texts that are Lola Adam Eliot-Cooper, a PhD student sidious that our idea of ‘high culture’ readings of YouTube videos, blogs and violently misogynistic or racist with- at Oxford studying black resistance is often defi ned by how many white everything that exists outside of the out acknowledging that they do great to police brutality and co-founder of male writers we can rattle off at par- white male paradigm? harm to the readers. If we are asked to Olufemi a Facebook group of the same name, ties. Well, have you read Foucault? Do study aestheticised depictions of vio- to examine what it means to have our you like Auden? What do you think of lence against women, from domestic curricula dominated by white men. Proust and so on? violence to rape, but refuse to look at is is a question that becomes more is isn’t to say that white men have such texts through a critical frame- pertinent as the years go by. As a per- not contributed anything to our un- work and instead insist on seeing it son of colour studying a subject domi- derstandings of the world, but it is lu- PEOPLE OF COLOUR, WOMEN, as “art for art’s sake”, we contribute to nated by white faces, the euro-centric dicrous to treat their works as if they a society that privileges masculinist curriculum often acts as just another are the only seminal texts. Cooper AND TRANS PEOPLE ARE QUITE ways of thinking whilst ensuring the reminder that what we value as liter- argued that if the clothes we wear, continuance of rape culture. ary critics, as historians, as scientists, the desks we sit at, the institution to LITERALLY BEING WRITTEN What we study and how we study are the works shaped by the oppres- which we belong, if all of those things OUT OF HISTORY it is important because it shapes the sive nature of society. And this is an have been made through the exploita- lens through which we see the world. institution that claims to possess some tion of former colonies and the global If we only view the world through the of the highest standards for acquiring south, then we have a moral duty, at eyes of the structurally privileged, knowledge through research. the very least, to treat the ideas of If we continue to only study one if our curriculums continue to rely When I, as an English student, can- those people with dignity. We should kind of knowledge, our ideas ex- on the ideas of white men, that lens not formally study a single person who consider them robustly and in place of ist within a paradigm that refuses to is clouded and becomes harmful to looks like me for the fi rst two years of standard European texts. is is about admit the diff erences between us. At other people. ere are scholars at my degree, what I am being subjected more than tokenism – it is not enough the very least, there should be some grassroots levels, working in com- to is a violent form of erasure. People to throw ings Fall Apart onto the recognition of the racism, sexism and munity centres and hospitals and of colour, women, and trans people are reading list. We have to fi rst address other forms of oppressions evident in youth groups doing the same kind of quite literally being written out of his- the ideological reasons behind this the texts that we study. It is useless intellectual work as those trapped in When we study a white tory, our contributions ignored. is institution’s insistence to rely on a to pretend that Dickens “spoke the the ivory tower; it is just that we are becomes so normalised that our invis- singular form of white knowledge and language of humanity” or that white better able to recognise an article or a ibility is not even discussed, not ad- then radically reform our curricula in male authors can articulate any other peer-reviewed journal than we are the masculine mode of dressed, laughed off in lectures. at order to deal with this. experience than one that is white and merits of practical work. We should you are considered a silent nuisance We do this not only by including male. e eff ect of the white cur- be able to study anyone and everyone thinking, we forget those if you insist on reaching for queer or a diverse range of voices and experi- riculum is such that we have imbued who is not a white cis heterosexual postcolonial texts, or refuse to ignore ences in our study but also by expand- white male writers with the power able-bodied man in and out of aca- oppressed by it the oppression evident in them in ing our idea of what is worthy of study. and authority to speak for everyone; demic settings. But it must not just your weekly essay, speaks volumes. We must do away with the snobbery minority students often try and fi nd be done in a way that means stepping ere is the maintenance of power attached to “lower forms” of litera- themselves grasping at texts that were aside to let their voices in: they must and structural disadvantage in being ture and art; what is needed is serious not written for them in an attempt to be aff orded the entire stage. Are catered Halls really that great? is week, Lana argues that the food is vile and overpriced, while Rosie claims that it’s a necessary part of our lives Rosie Best Lana Crowe

After the library, Hall should be every Cam- But instead we are provided with a hearty Bland. Cheap. e same as last week. No, I’m proper meals is impossible for some: making bridge student’s favourite place. e structuring meal of meat and three types of potato, not talking about the contents of the Tab. Food the Kitchen Fixed Charge (KFC) an opt-in of our catered hall system has saved many of us guaranteed to fuel a further 3-4 hours in the served from the college hall or buttery is not a payment, which still serves but charges higher from near starvation when the choice between library. key part of university life, but an unnecessary prices to those who do not pay it, does not making our own food or sleeping might have e subsidisation of meals is also a benefi t burden carried by the wallets of the student seem to be pushing the boundaries of logic been a tough one. e opportunity this aff ords of our catered halls. e average meal cost is population. It allows us to avoid learning one of too far. us to socialise with our peers and enjoy for- extremely low at £3 and the use of Cam cards the most basic skills needed for survival: provi- e compulsory KFC epitomises this mal meals in a place frequented by Cambridge in canteens even allows us to eff ectively ignore sion of food. Real life remains but an illusionary institution’s ability to bully its residents. students for centuries should be snatched up these costs until the end of term – why cross shadow on the wall of the Cantabrigian cave Cambridge students are constantly aware that quicker than the waffl es are at brunch. a bridge before you’ve got there? Instead of that we all fi nd ourselves chained to. resisting university authority comes at a price. Hall is a useful alternative for those of us questioning these seemingly low prices we Hall – if you’ll pardon the pun – does not Like naughty children, we are kept in line with who either can’t or won’t cook for ourselves. should be grateful for them; even a Big Mac cater for everyone. Vegetarian dishes are the threat that our degrees will be confi scated. Perhaps you’ve been in the library for meal is more expensive than Hall. ink on wanting, and vegan options are non-existent. e paternalistic administration of Cambridge nine hours and the idea of that (although maybe not for too long). Anyone who eats Halal or Kosher will strug- University needs to be- cooking for a further hour Formals are also a benefi t of our catered gle to eat well from the canteen. As someone come more fl exible, to before eating is a prospect Hall system. e opportunity to dine on a whose diet is restricted by allergies, I often accommodate for our you simply can’t stomach. three course meal in a 14th Century Hall is not fi nd myself stuck for choices. e accom- increasingly diverse Maybe you’ve just returned something you would fi nd at every university modating service that one would expect from demographic. I from a particularly and formal can be a perfect way to celebrate a such a supposed centre of community falls thought that they exhausting rowing birthday or to show visitors a glimpse of how fl at: I pay my college almost £200 per term to would have outing or from an the other half live. e extremely reasonable produce food that I am physically unable to developed especially trauma- price of around £10-£15 means that formal eat. ere is a signifi cant minority who are not a more so- tising supervision. can be attended more than once a term, and properly provided for, not including those who phisticated Maybe you’re just allows us to socialise in an environment which, would simply prefer to cook for themselves. method lazy. Catered halls in true Cambridge style, is both ostentatious A buttery provides an unsatisfactory solu- of keeping are a blessing in any and wild at the same time. tion to several college problems. Some people control than of the above situa- While it is true that the functioning of our become so swamped with work that they are stealing our lunch tions. Studying here catered Halls is not perfect, stale waffl es are unable to fi nd time to cook. e answer to this money. is time-consuming better than none – especially when smothered should not be to make meal-times quicker: it and leaves little in the sweet syrup of value for money. is hardly over-demanding and self-indulgent to time for leisure be allowed enough time to eat. Most kitchens activities, such as are under-equipped, meaning that cooking feeding yourself. 16 Comment Friday 23rd October 2015 Society is changing, but Labour can keep up

n Monday morning, Lord what it means for Labour. It means a this, the kind of politics advocated by because it had become indistinguish- Warner, a Labour Peer, quit change, certainly, but is that a good a Corbyn Labour - committed to free able. It had become hollow. O his job and issued what the thing? healthcare, to protecting and rebuild- e world really hasn’t changed press called a “damning” indictment Change has really hung over ing the welfare state - is really what that much; we still face the margin- of Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership. He Corbyn’s victory. New Labourites we need. ese ideas aren’t old, they alisation of the working class, sky- cited the “calamitous decline” of the have claimed that a Corbyn-led party aren’t the ideas of the past. If anything, rocketing inequality, discrimination Labour leadership quality, and claimed will be trapped in the past, arguing Tory attempts to marketise education, towards LGBT+ people, involvement Corbyn’s approach would contribute for the politics of the past. at argu- healthcare and the like are dragging in costly and pointless wars - these to Labour’s further decline. However, ment has some sense in it - Corbyn us back into the past; Labour, really, is aren’t new threats. e same issues being a nice man, he vowed to fi ght has more in common with the Labour having to repeat itself. arise time and time again with new for “progressive” causes, which he of Attlee and Bevin than Blair or Labour is changing and for good faces. And Labour’s greatest failing felt able to do much more effi ciently Brown ever did - but the fact is that reason. I fi nd it hard to understand was that it wasn’t willing to admit without Corbyn’s Labour. Warner’s this kind of politics is relevant today. why people hark back to the days that its founding principles - mini- resignation was a masterclass in re- e Coalition and the Tories after of Blair - there’s a four letter word mum wage, social housing, free edu- thinking the meaning of words and them have set about dismantling the that seems to undermine everything cation and healthcare, the values of phrases - the “calamitous decline” Labour did and that’s “Iraq” - but I community and compassion - aren’t Chris Waugh now redefi ned to mean “landslide strongly suspect the reason Labour old fashioned or timeless. ese are election of a Labour leader with a big- won three elections under Blair wasn’t principles that matter regardless of ger majority than Blair,” and Warner’s because the electorate approved of the age, regardless of the economic “progressive” causes now meaning Blair, but because we wanted to keep climate, because they are about basic “introducing a paying membership LABOUR WAS PULLED APART the Tories out, because we knew the human decency and respect for our scheme for the NHS,” (as Tuesday’s BECAUSE IT HAD BECOME risk a Tory government would bring. fellow citizens. If Labour’s “change” is ere is a place Independent reported.) And here lies the crux of the matter: to put those principles into the fore- e fact is, every (right-wing) man INDISTINGUISHABLE Labour needs to change because it ground of its politics once more, to for Labour in the and his (presumably further right) cannot rely on a core of working class fi ght against austerity, to defend the dog have had it in for Corbyn since or left votes to keep it in power. Ed welfare state and so on, this can be no future, but it needs to day one, and doing so has involved a Miliband didn’t lose the election be- bad thing. remember where it’s lot of language redefi nition. Corbyn welfare state. Time and time again, cause he was too left wing - it was be- Will it “work”? I can’t say. Who is “unelectable”, now meaning “has we have seen government measures cause he’d lost sight of Labour’s base, knows where we’ll be in 2020; our man coming from. won seven parliamentary elections, cause suff ering among the weak- which is unions, working families, Jezza could be walking into Downing and over 60 per cent of the leadership est members of society. Over a mil- the oppressed. In the last election, Street. We could have left the EU. vote,”; Corbyn is “unpatriotic,” which lion people relied on foodbanks in Miliband’s “bit of this, bit of that,” We might even get another season of means “he went to a constituency 2014-15; recently, we saw the gov- left/right manifesto didn’t really ring Firefl y. I don’t know. No one does, and surgery and therefore missed a Rugby ernment cut tax credits, despite per- true with anyone, apart from who- trying to determine now what’s go- match.” Corbyn is an “extremist,” i.e. sonal promises by Cameron that this ever made that God-awful stone. Left ing to happen fi ve years from now is “advocates policies which would be wouldn’t happen. e NHS has been voters, like myself, voted Green, or pointless. But what I do know is that fairly centrist Labour ideals in ‘45.” subject to stealth privatisation, and as SNP, or Plaid. Much as I hate UKIP, if the Labour Party is going to remain But the point of this article isn’t about the recent Junior Doctors demonstra- they did manage to build on work- relevant - in any world - it needs to be the ridiculous amount of nonsense tions showed, our health services are ing class anger to siphon votes away the voice of the voiceless. thrown at Corbyn, but more about being run into the ground. In light of from Labour. Labour was pulled apart

it. OMG, like what could it actually ‘Meta Meat’ which is obviously totes actual free-range nibbles in a candle- MEAT’ not ‘Meta OATMEAL!’ Columnist Ellie Coote be?! hilar ‘cause like ‘Meta’ is an anagram lit archway at the edge of the Bop Where’s your humanity?!” Litro be- recently uncovered a diary of ‘Meat’ #Funagram. But it’s also like when a guy litro drenched in honey fore we can even say #Toff Off the So like I open the scroll and I’ve litro totes serious as well ‘cause it’s an ac- and covered in oats runs into us and stone archway like totes starts re- buried beneath the fl oorboards been invited to like speak at the Union tual charitable theme to like raise like totes knocks a scotch egg like ac- volving and Hugo, the sticky man of an undisclosed room in an for an event called “ is House Litro awareness for like cruelty to animals. tually out of my hand. Hugo’s like and me are like litro plunged into like undisclosed college. In this Believes at Like is House Should So like now I’m in a massive Bran- “Are you like having a chortle mate?!” actual darkness… remarkable extract, we are Have e Freedom To Like Debate ston Pickle ‘cause I don’t know and I’m all “Hugo like totes don’t it’s given an exclusive insight into Free Speech In is House And Also whether to dress as an ermine in a fur like SO not #NetWorth it!” and then OMG so, like, litro just wait for eve- the world of Chelsea socialite Off er Julian Assange Cake Like It’s coat, a mouse chemist, a bunny Nao- I’m all “ is Bop is called ‘Meta rything to be unveiled #NextWeek... Katrina Kettlewell, who seems Only Cake #ChatterDon’tMatter.” I’m mi Campbell, Peter the cannibal dog, like SO TOTES up for this, like, I’m or just like take my snake skin hand- unaware of her diary’s discovery such a sucker for a bargain but FREE bag ‘cause it’s litro so #Rare #Vin- and shows every intention to speech?! Litro #Winning any day. I tage?! CLAIRE ENTZ continue writing. Names have swear ever since Whatsapp started been changed to protect the charging me an annual fee and like So like I litro just gracefully innocent. Facebook Messenger started actually collided with Olivia and she tracking my every move (like, even just told me that like all of the pro- when I buy shoes on sale or blow my ceeds for tonight’s Bop are litro going nose with loo roll instead of a tissue) straight to FFS (Fashionable Females Literally just awoke like my literal ONLY communication Soc)! Litro so #Pumped we can like to the smell of freshly outlet is #Insta. SO #Oppressed. It’s FINALLY replace our fur collection mown grass, new parch- like I’m actually totes publishing my with synthetics and then like totes ment and spearmint… toothpaste? diary to like the literal world (OMG donate the fur to like really cold ani- OMG Hugo, what like totes fresh how embarrassing would that be?! mals in like Manchester or some- breath you have!!! #All eBetterTo- LOL!) So then Hugo’s all “You’re so where super far away from the equa- MakeOutWithYouWith. So like as successful I’m litro like intimidated tor! Olivia’s like “I’m in like such an I’m opening my eyes I feel the wind by you now, LOL!” and so I’m like Organic Pickle now ‘cause my cro- caress my cheek like a feather festival “Teehee so you know like in Rugby... chet dress is litro still in Miami... like, headdress, but before I can actually what’s a knock-on?” and he pats me my crochet-dile outfi t is SO totes ru- like process cultural appropriation on the head #Equality. ined!” I’m like, “HOLD YOUR Hermes litro zooms in through the THOROUGHBRED #Whinnying! open window on his RyanAir heelys. So like major prep for the I’ve got like two actual spare outfi ts!” I’m all “Budget cuts?” and he’s like #Bop tonight is like totes fully Oh My Instagram, chilly animals and “#AusterityIsAnInconvenience.” So swinging like a sexually starved mid- now THIS?! I am literally a saint! then he like totes drops a scroll on dle aged couple on a Wednesday the bed with ‘# eActualLikeCam- night in Barnsley Town Hall #Meta- So like Hugo and I are like bridgeFuckingUnion’ wax seal on phors. So like this week’s theme is litro just snacking on some #entz #bops #Hugo #hair #mad1 ANDY GOTTS

Vulture

CULTURE ■ FEATURES ■ FASHION ■ THEATRE ■ REVIEWS 18 Vulture Culture Friday 23rd October 2015 Petar on Film Petar Lekarski unpicks the latest The procrastinator’s treasure trove releases

While Netfl ix is a wonderful online institution, facilitating students’ procrastination on a daily basis, it EVEREST: The turd does at times feel like an unsolvable labyrinth of opportunity. With hundreds of fi lms and TV shows to choose from, combined with the world’s most confusing recommendation system (which only recently that glitter made recommended I watch a documentary on the Ukrainian civil war having just fi nished a rom-com), it’s no wonder people spend more time scrolling through the various options than actually watching something. smellier However, fear not – after a long of summer of having nothing better to do, here are Varsity’s alternative picks, so that you can chill with ease. –Will Roberts

Dear reader, I may be running out of strength. I’m tired of Hollywood patronising me with garbage. I’m tired of movies that make completely untrue assumptions about me. I’m tired of false advertising that tricks me into giving up my time and money. I’m tired of fi lm critics setting the tone of the conversation by writing as though they can speak for anyone other than themselves. Is it obvious yet that the new fi lm about the big scary mountain ruined my 22nd birthday? Comedy Drama Horror Thriller No? Well, it did. Let me be clear about this: Everest (2015) Obvious Child A Separation American Horror Story The One I Love IMAX 3D–or whatever–is garbage. It tells no particular story, nor does it hold any  e abortion rom-com perhaps It really is such a shame that After a long day of work, there’s Attempting to be constantly suspense. None of the people involved in its isn’t the most persuasive way more people haven’t seen nothing better than sitting down aware of plot spoilers makes e creation appear to care in the slightest about to sell a fi lm, yet with wit and Asghar Farhadi’s Oscar winning and watching something fun One I Love an almost impossible how fi lms communicate ideas and emotions poignancy Obvious Child pulls drama A Separation, despite all and ultimately stupid, a service fi lm to write about.  e plot fol- to their audience. A fi lm is not worthwhile off just that.  e fi lm centres on the media attention it got (and which American Horror Story lows a couple whose marriage is unless its framing, editing, use of sound, Donna, a New-Yorker who has deserved) from critics when (AHS) provides with relish. From proving problematic. However, and manipulation of colour can be read as a one night stand which leaves it was released. As suggested Glee Creator Ryan Murphy, this after this seemingly normal deliberate and interpreted accordingly. I her pregnant and subsequently by the title, the fi lm follows a anthology series focuses on a dif- introduction, the fi lm takes have to assume every choice exercised by the chooses to have an abortion. I recently divorced couple who ferent horror story every season, a turn for the weird after the fi lmmakers is intentional because otherwise think the reason that Obvious must make the diffi cult deci- ranging from mental asylums couple discover strange goings meaningfully talking about fi lm becomes Child is so enjoyable is the fact sion between whether to leave in the 60s to present day witch on during their holiday retreat. impossible. Allow me to illustrate with the that it’s so grounded; most rom- Iran to improve the life of their covens. If you’re not a horror fan It is fi rst and foremost a fantastic example of Gravity, an imperfect fi lm which coms are still set in alternate child or to stay and look after don’t put be off ; AHS’s seasons fi lm to watch when with friends; nevertheless avoids so many of the mistakes universes, with cardboard a deteriorating parent who has range from the genuinely creepy the fi lm script is cleverly writ- Everest makes, and takes a much more cin- cut-out characters that only Alzheimer’s disease. With an (Murder House) to ridicu- ten, containing many twists and ematic approach. exist in Richard Curtis fi lms. Yet Oscar-nominated script to its lously camp (Coven), so there’s turns which leave you gagging So, in Gravity, the long disorienting take Obvious Child is an exception; it name, a rarity for a foreign- something for everyone. It also to discuss the fi lm once the at the beginning and sparse use of music has interesting, fl awed and relat- language fi lm, A Separation is has a fantastic sense of its own credits have rolled. And while aids the viewer in empathising with Sandra able characters, whose company a truly beautifully written fi lm. ridiculousness, a breath of fresh its main concept is ultimately Bullock and strongly hints at what feeling you more than enjoy, allowing Farhadi, with his skilful and air in an era of TV that’s desper- subversive and sci-fi -esque, trapped in space with her must be like. In the fi lm to have a dialogue about subtle direction, treats of all of ately trying to be important. Top much like Eternal Sunshine of Everest, every jarring cut away from the an important issue which for the his characters equally and fairly, all this with the gamest cast out the Spotless Mind, it still man- mountain and back to Keira Knightley sniv- most part cinema has completely giving the viewer a wonderful there, led by the ever sexy Jessica ages to say something profound elling in extreme close-up on a 60ft screen ignored. cobweb of perspective by the Lange, AHS will entertain you in and unique about marriage and just made me roll my eyes and sigh. Relating Oh, and it’s really funny. end. ways you never thought possible. relationships. to characters is about how interesting they are to the audience.  is can be achieved through dialogue but in a visual medium like fi lm that’s perhaps not the sharpest tool for the job. Having said that, fi lmmakers must also exercise care in how they use the unique grammar of fi lm to avoid unintentional hu- mour. For instance, just shoving the camera in the face of a crying actress with a runny Bands you should be listening to: nose, snot slowly dripping towards her parted lips does not exactly read as gravitas. Mandatory empathy of this kind is like an Deerhunter unsolicited hug from someone you really don’t like because they wrongly thought you needed it but never stopped to ask. I fi rst encountered  at vulnerability makes  is is exacerbated by the fact that Deerhunter when my oh- their music extremely ac- although Everest IMAX 3D is based on an so-cool sister felt the need cessible on an emotional A guide in fi ve tracks: expedition that really happened, it focuses to tell me that the transi- level, each seeming to fi nd Octet (Cryptograms) on a bunch of people whose stories really tion between the fi rst two a new way to investigate and Bridging the album’s post-rock fi rst half didn’t need to be retold. We already have tracks on their 2008 album deal with trauma – through and psych-pop second, Octet is really the plenty of fi lms about straight white men Microcastle was really, really Cryptograms’ stoic placidity, fi rst hint that the band had the range and overcoming (although exactly what is never good. Being such a cool sister, she Microcastle’s violent self-oblitera- dexterity to turn pop tracks into monstrous clear). What about Yasuko Namba? She was only felt compelled to do that because she tion, Halcyon Digest’s radiant, cracked nos- poetry. a Japanese businesswoman, aged 47, who truly believed it. Honestly, she was completely talgia and Monomania’s swaggering collapse had climbed six of the Seven Summits and right. into screwball Americana. Obviously no band Twilight At Carbon Lake (Microcastle) was attempting to become the oldest woman Formative bands are not just hand-me- achieves their level of acclaim without funda-  e most direct, viscous and angry slice of to summit Everest before she died in the dis- downs though; they can only achieve that mentally good songwriting, but their ability noisey shoegaze they have ever released. A aster. She gets all of fi ve minutes on screen mythic status when they instigate a dialogue. to describe in broad gestures, often grand faultless end to a faultless album, go listen before making way for all the interchange-  ere has to be a reason to keep listen- and risky ones, deeply volatile and unstable to it now. able bearded guys to yell incomprehensibly ing as the novelty of discovery wears away. emotional states, is fantastic.  ey constantly at each other and not-so-triumphantly Deerhunter’s power lies in the humanity exhibit a streak of damage and pain, maybe Helicopter (Halcyon Digest) overcome. Making her a focal point of the they’ve demonstrated in plying their craft. A even self-harm. But that is their medium, their It’s their biggest ever single, and still one of experience would have made the fi lm more lot of that has to do with frontman Bradford unique way of tackling the world. their most tragically fatalistic. engaging because the audience might have Cox’s own vulnerability, as a suff erer of Marfan  e reason that transition at the start of been able to relate to her unique purpose syndrome, which leaves him looking lanky, Microcastle works so eff ectively is how it Sleepwalking (Monomania) that day. Instead, we have generic men in fragile and demonstrably weak (as shown by slams from a woozy, drugged introduction A shift into lowslung Southern rock, get- indistinguishable costumes. Worse still, the the outpouring horror and sympathy when he to a neurotic, spinning, clockwork-pop track ting dirtier but no less melancholic, and camera lingers over the rest of the women was involved in a car crash last December), and with nothing so much a breath.  at is what alongside T.H.M. forming the emotional snivelling and fussing (in IMAX! in 3D!). as an icon of queerness, hovering somewhere Deerhunter do: fi nd the most visceral, messy core of a very damaged album.  at kind of message is impossible to ignore between asexual and gay and obviously exhibit- parts of the human experience, take owner- when it’s being yelled at you. Men: strong; ing an acute degree of anxiety over it. Despite ship of them, and explain them back in a truly Breaker (Fading Frontier) women: weak. Give me a goddamn break. that, he still has an utterly compelling physical- beautiful, novel and cathartic way.  e second single of their new album hints All I wanted was to spend the day feeling ity, twisting gender and sexual expression in a Michael Davin at a more resigned and melancholic feel. twenty-twooo. Hollywood, take a look what truly unique way. Imagine Bowie with crippling Read Varsity’s review of the new Deerhunter you’ve done ‘cause now we’ve got bad blood. self-doubt and a congenital disease. album, Fading Frontier, on page 29 Friday 23rd October 2015 Culture Vulture 19 The Mays: breaking the mould Emily Bailey-Page and Shefali Kharabanda discuss the latest edition of the Oxbridge anthology ALEX SHUTTLEWORTH

Each year, the Mays is released as a com- unconventionality rather than quality. Certainly exercise in populism or an appeal to the masses, there is a lot to be said for a structure without pendium of student writing from Oxford and a lick through or skim-read might make you although there are more light-hearted works, this kind of agenda or unifying theme, as the Cambridge, showcasing young talent in poetry, believe that. Even the editorials are aesthetically like a particularly funny piece by Emma Levin works contained within the collection exist in iction and visual arts. he anthology’s most unconventional. about two bemused young advertising execs. their own right, not as parts of a broader mes- well-known alumna is Zadie Smith, oft-repeated But the unconventionality of many of the he Mays’ priority seems not to be to open up sage imposed upon them. in the Mays promotional material, and the pieces is by no means a replacement for quality. Cambridge literature to the world, but to launch It also does not mean that the collection is idea behind the collection is to help propel he Mays twenty-three is brave; it is constructed the careers of these young writers onto a high without emotive force. Two pieces in particular the careers of these writers to similar heights. from pieces which are good but proudly diver- platform of notoriety. he varied collection of stand out in this respect - Kinaesthesia I & III, Here, culture editors Emily and Shefali consider gent from what we are accustomed to. In this pieces is perhaps a relection of where these and Helen Is Other People. Both of these are not the Mays as this year’s editorship pushes an sense it is not just avoiding complacent work: it diferent writers may end up, whether in a more introspective, they do not expound and elabo- Oxbridge institution into new, unchartered and challenges complacent readers to put down their academic or literary context. And you do really rate. But their emotiveness is delicate, simply a interesting waters. preconceptions and expectations and to stand to get the sense that they will end up places. here shadow of the action, and that is why they are his year represents a break from past edi- attention. is a real sense of excitement in perusing the col- moving. tions: instead of separating pieces into distinct here is another question, however, which lection, in which ambition and talent are given What is clearest about the Mays is the amount sections of poetry, prose and visual arts, editor remains the elephant in the room : is the Mays the space to lourish. of time and thought that has gone into produc- Emily Fitzell and her team have woven all the accessible? Leaing through the pages in Hefers, Quentin Blake, one of the guest editors along- ing it. he work has truly been written and works together in a structure that does not where short stories written in Scots dialect sit side Alison Turnbull, notes that there is a ten- edited by people who care about promoting restrict the pieces to their traditional categories, in silent proximity to Dante-inspired sonnets, dency to move away from introspection: “we are good art and providing a platform for good art- but instead encourages readers to make their you might feel like it’s not for you. Perhaps its presented with something acted out”. Perhaps ists. Fitzell is keen to stress that many fantastic own connections between works and ind their placement in the bookshop alongside the John it is introspection that we might typically, or works did not make it into the collection, and own path through the collection. Greens and Lee Childs is a ruse, and you are not even stereotypically, expect from a collection that all those who applied should look out for Anthologies can be dusty places. his is the in fact qualiied to read it. You need to have been of student writing. And the lack of it seems to this year’s mentoring scheme, being set up with proclamation which begins Fitzell’s editorial of to that arty party, spoken to that professor in a lend the collection a cold, detached feel. Such a the purpose of supporting promising talent. the Mays, and which explains why it is shaped dimly-lit cafe about the relevance of postructur- tone is set by the opening quotation from Simon he Mays twenty-three was not looking to ill so unconventionally, to revitalise the medium. alism on a gloomy Tuesday afternoon in order to Critchley; ending with the words “We need to its pages with works that are comfortable to ap- If there is a question of whether editorship in be truly worthy of appreciating the work inside. welcome the void, embrace the void”; this inevi- proach. It’s an engaging, sometimes disconcert- itself constitutes the creation of an art form, In a world in which access to culture can still be tably provokes some uneasiness. Fitzell says the ing, rollicking experience. But it is also creatively then the Mays twenty-three tackles this ques- so limited, and literature and especially poetry Critchley quote serves to introduce the idea of liberating, because reading this anthology makes tion unlinchingly. In its entirety, it represents so opaque, is this desirable? Does bringing the the book as a productive blank canvas; indeed, it impossible not to see that there are no limits a headstrong attempt to bale the legacy of work of student creatives to a wider audience the anthology seems more concerned with an to what art can be. anthologies, favouring works which ‘deal hard really only mean the limited one of an existing inherent meaninglessness itself than inding THE MAYS TWENTY THREE is currently and straight with the reader’ yet acknowledg- cultural bubble? anything redeeming out of it. his appears to available from select bookshops in Cambridge, ing that they may be ‘fraying around the edges’. his reading may not be entirely fair. Yes, the suggest that the anthology is more a serious Oxford and London, as well as he Mays online Perhaps the Mays twenty-three in its inal form Mays is a collection that takes itself seriously, exploration of artistic theme and concept than a shop: is an anthology of works curated on criteria of pitches itself hard and aims far. It is far from an work driven by humanity and feeling. However, http://mays.varsity.co.uk/purchase/

Friday 23rd October 2015 Features Vulture 21 What am I doing here?

Molly Stacey

MEGGIE FAIRCLOUGH

Although beginning the week as the your enthusiastically nodding face as acceptance was a fl uke. More terrify- group was somehow immune to the in the right place at the right time to insincere caption to all matriculation- your supervisor calls on you to say ingly, I was certain that the uniden- anxieties I was feeling, their pres- be a part of is perhaps exactly what day Instagram posts – black and something, anything, other than the tifi able magic I had gained this place ence in long-standing Cantabs was potential applicants put-off by the white, undoubtedly featuring King’s, ‘namesubjectcollege’ mantra you’ve with– seemingly a slap dash concoc- a shock. Second-years, third-years, mythical status of Oxbridge need to nonchalantly (read: knowingly) posed been chanting at fellow freshers. tion of luck, cramming and gross tutors, fellows, supervisors: the hear. Of course, whether they thought in a “they’ll probably use this photo  is is not to say my fi rst days verbosity – would fi zzle out as soon eagerness of these people to talk to that after two or even twenty years when I win a Nobel Prize” kind of of university have been anything as I stepped through the academically me, let alone admit to me that they, I will feel no more like I know what way – the past nine days has seen other than amazing. In fact, the immaculate doors of college. too, felt like they were winging it, was I’m doing is diffi cult to say. But the this phrase persistently return to overwhelming eagerness of the uni- But, to my relief, I have not yet a completely alien reality, especially relief of discovering that your peers, the forefront of the fresher psyche. versity as a whole has been the main been smitten by the intellectual in comparison to the small-minded teachers and tutors are not all prodi- Prompted by delight and fear, the cause for our giggly expressions of wrath of the Cambridge gods.  e ‘self-righteous-state-schooler’ narra- gies, luminaries or BNOCs brimming painfully pretentious existentialism incredulity, as well as the cracking of Wizard of Oz de-masking moment tive I had concocted, which imagined with an “immeasurable sense of self- of the question seems the only fi tting already-tired Hogwarts jokes. But I of my nightmares, despite almost everyone else as trained from birth entitlement” (as one Guardian article way to process the fi rst few weeks cannot deny that the experience has 250 hours of pretending I know what for Oxbridge success. helpfully published before last year’s in Cambridge. It has been shouted been smattered with ebbing waves of I’m doing, has not yet transpired. So while fear was hardly an unex- interviews) has defi nitely been helpful bewilderedly at Cindies, accompanied imposter syndrome (see, we really are What’s more, in the conversations I pected part of my university experi- to me in my navigation of Week 1. by self-consciously ‘ironic’ dancing, as all like Harry Potter). have had in Cambridge, intense in ence, its openly admitted presence in So if my fi rst weeks at university ‘ e Circle of Life’ plays triumphantly My own sense of awkwardness did both their speed and their incisive- those who outwardly appear adept at have taught me anything, fellow over the sound system; it has been not come as a surprise. In the long ness, each one sentient of the need navigating ‘the bubble’ was undeni- freshers, it is this: Cambridge veter- aimed irritably at Facebook posts of wait following results day – a day of to squeeze fully formed friendships ably a shock. Witnessing someone ans are just like us, but with addition- friends having ‘fl at roasts’ while you tipsy relief followed by a two-month into a four-day Freshers’ ‘Week’, it at the top of their fi eld describing al knowledge regarding the location coax the uncooperative WiFi into let- hangover of panic, regret and rapid seems I am not alone in this feel- Cambridge as somewhere they of Sainsbury’s, Cindies’s proclivity for ting you Google “how to make pasta emotional attachment to my own ing of fraud. Although not quite so still see as an elusive epicentre of Disney anthems, and how to write an in a microwave”; it has fl ashed across bed – I was solidly convinced that my naive as to imagine that my own year academia that they are never quite essay without crying.

I. as a very eff ective

sound proofer – for JAMES TISSOT T      those dear friends that think of It’s 8pm and you’re sitting down to catch up on Bake Off . themselves as porn  ere’s a bass kicking somewhere, a thumping – perhaps a stars, the blow-up neighbour into their deep house? As you realise what is hap- mattress, when up pening above you is far from a Spotify session, tap that volume against the wall, ‘+’ button like there’s no tomorrow and sink into Mary Berry’s leaves me to sleep dulcet tones. in peace. SEXIQUETTE Secondly, the A U’ G blow-up mattress is a better II. alternative to the fl oor when trying to avoid the creaking beds Sex may not be the most common pastime among T     or the bashing headboards that Cambridge’s student body. Nonetheless, for the small propor- give one’s neighbours night tion who are ‘getting some’, intercourse still manages to cause Considering that colleges insist that their accommodation terrors. In fact, the infl atable havoc when living in college accommodation. Room balloting blocks be built opposite to one another, a simple yet eff ective version actually gives a bet- can become contentious when one fi nds oneself living next way to avoid your personal life becoming college gossip next ter bounce back than the to, above, or below someone who is ‘getting some’ in a very morning is to close your curtains. fun-suckers that are college vocal way. I do not begrudge them; if anything, I fi nd their mattresses. work awe-inspiring.  e determination of colleges to try and hinder us from engaging in a perfectly natural activity, namely III. intercourse, is causing a university-wide problem. One has to Freshers looking to make navigate the single beds, dodgy springs and foot-thin walls, all T    -  those fi rst impressions, let this while trying to keep the neighbours happy. With this in mind, be an invaluable guide to navi- I produced a guide, a Sex Etiquette if you will, which ensures  e solution to all these angsts – the blow-up mattress. In my gating the pitfalls and proto- satisfaction in all corners of the corridor. third and fi nal year I have decided to invest in a blow-up mat- col of having sex in college. Like the Modern Moses, I beseech thee to follow these tress, for my emotional welfare. Tried and tested, I have found Sexiquette commandments: it to have a variety of purposes. In its fi rst week of use it acted Alice Durrans 22 Vulture Features Friday 23rd October 2015

Oliver James for the students of Tiraspol, the price is only a tenth of what Churchill College charges for n late September I took advantage of the same experience. Cambridge’s leisurely term dates and Unsurprisingly, eduroam was nowhere to Igate-crashed another university’s Freshers’ be found, but loitering around the library to week. Alcohol, music and the usual shenani- connect to its free WiFi is an international gans – a chance to catch up with friends and pastime also common in the breakaway re- Life on the other side celebrate the end of summer. e only com- public. e hospitality of my guests and new plication was that they study in the breakaway acquaintances was unrivalled. Like any good region of Transnistria’s State University. freshers’ week, there were drinking games Transnistria broke away from Moldova, and music blaring until the early hours. a grindingly poor former-Soviet Republic, Instead of VKs or whatever vino Amy Hawkins more than 20 years ago. e ‘republic’ isn’t Sainsbury’s has on special, the drink of choice internationally recognised, but it’s bankrolled was home-produced wine or the village’s by Russia whose peace-keeping soldiers are fi nest home-distilled spirit. In place of the visible in the ‘capital’ Tiraspol. It’s also known cheesy tunes in Life or Cindies, Moscow’s he thing about graduating is that once – that I have a home in London that I can stay as the last remnant of the Soviet Union, Russian pop was the go. And just like after a you’ve done it, you’ve done it. What in for a bit to avoid sinking my measly salary complete with hammers and sickles adorning few drinks in any given college bar, the topic Tcomes next? into extortionate rents. the streets and buildings, and a jolly statue of of politics bubbled. In a region that is so reli- One of my enduring memories from school But on a more existential level (and really, Lenin outside the government building. ant on Russia’s support, I was undoubtedly was when in Year 7, my English teacher told what other levels matter??? Don’t look at me – is breakaway region rarely makes the curious to ask about the perception of Putin. us that – as with the enigmatic Joss Grey I’ll see myself out), I now suddenly and un- headlines, except when its stockpile of Soviet- “What do you mean you don’t like Putin?” of A Greengage Summer – we would be our precedentedly have no idea what I am working era nuclear resources catch the attention of they chorused. most beautiful at the age of 16. Reader, I towards, no idea how to fi nd out what that is, organised criminals, Middle Eastern extrem- e music stopped, the lights turned on was pumped. Unfortunately, and perhaps in and no idea what to do to get there. My biggest ists and the US. I’d heard horror stories about and the crickets stopped chirping in disgust hindsight, predictably, 16 came and went with fear is that I will wake in in fi fty years time in Tiraspol’s hotels, with armed thugs ransack- of my disloyalty. Among the dozens of stu- a disappointing lack of earth-shattering beauty. much the same position I am in now, except ing hotel rooms during the night. Eager to dents I met at Transnistria State University, After I dried my tears and petrol-bombed said even fewer people will care, and I will wonder avoid that debacle, and to get the true Soviet Putin was seen as a defender against the cor- teacher’s house, I moved on and set my sights why I didn’t change the world, or at least my bit experience, I opted to stay in dorms with my rupt and aggressive Western powers. on a far greater mythologised literary icon: unay. of it, etc. etc., sob sob, tiny violins. hosts in the centre of the city. “If the EU is so good, why is Romania still Such cycles of hope and realisation (read: ere is also the issue that in having the whol- e guest policy of Transnistria State poor?” disappointment) were characteristic of my ly undeserved and unearned benefi t of a place University is relatively strict, and thus I was “Everybody knows the US started the war adolescence. With the future being set out in to live that has central heating and a mostly full given the option of pretending to pass off as in Ukraine.” bite-sized chunks, I could always identify the fridge, I fi nd myself regressing into my 16-year- a local or climb through the window after “America controls the media.” next milestone at which everything would old self. Obviously, I now have a bit more curfew. Despite the once-stellar reputation Much like the rusty taps and crumbling Become Amazing. Arriving at Cambridge was fi nancial independence and a social life beyond of the Soviet Union’s gymnastics team, I was roads, the media culture in the breakaway obviously going to be the start of the three Hampstead Heath and overly lavish 18th birth- reluctant to be fl ung from the second storey republic also bears the hallmarks of its Soviet most romantic, intense and fulfi lling years of day parties (R.I.P.), but certain habits that do not window at midnight and so took my chances past. Russian channels dominate television my life. I was going to have multiple handsome befi t a young working woman remain: I am far with the front door. and Soviet textbooks still line the reading boyfriends, a few girlfriends, spend most of my too liberal in my use of expensive olive oil, and I e university’s infrastructure was com- lists. Far away is the world of ‘microagres- time in smoke-fi lled rooms of heated discussion still have never paid my own utility bill. pleted over 40 years ago during the Soviet era sions’ and ‘safe spaces’. From the Sheriff or having sex on rooftops, and also probably get ere are upsides, though. Upside number and there have been few upgrades since the Company’s near-universal monopoly to the a First. e future beyond graduation was less one: I am no longer at Cambridge. Glorious as war. Tap water in Tiraspol is safe to drink, but diplomatic Siberia where the region is strand- clearly conceptualised, but after such a roaring it can be, I do not miss the bizarre veneration the pipes have corroded to the point where ed, the situation in Transnistria is bleak. initiation into adulthood, post-uni life would of self-fl agellation, the archaic traditions or the students fi lter the water through cotton Although the guns have long fallen silent, surely sort itself out. wankers. Wankers are everywhere, but they are makeup pads before drinking it. e many of my comrades described living in Fast-forward three years, and here I am at the much harder to avoid in Cambridge. university also off ers a buttery, with an unrecognised region as a battle. For a same desk on which I studied for my A-Levels, Upside number two: I am not that far away disgruntled serving staff plating un- generation born after the war, the sense writing a self-indulgent and ultimately immate- from Cambridge. Everyone does something a recognisable mush in a darkened of injustice and the arbitrary nature rial article for a newspaper servicing a university bit diff erent after graduating, but many of these cafeteria. Fortunately of the confl ict are clear. that I am no longer part of. “Move the fuck on, paths were started on at university, including Amy!”, I hear you cry, but to such naysayers I my own. I truly believe that Cambridge gives reply: I’m getting a byline out of this; you’re the you an unprecedented opportunity to start one wasting your precious youth reading it. anything for yourself, do something new, and e most troubling part about graduating is meet interesting people. Graduation is just that the “what’s next?” question that so domi- a continuation of this. Life on the other side nated my youth is no longer answerable. Some is daunting and amorphous, but being able of my friends have gone into grad schemes or to witness the initiatives like the Ain’t I A stayed in education, so bully for them, but for Woman video series, or the Immoral Sciences the majority of us, there is a distinct lack of an Club – remind me that our generation isn’t idea about what the fuck is going on. I count always as powerless as we feel. Suddenly, not myself lucky that I have a job that I quite enjoy, knowing what you are doing next doesn’t seem and I am even luckier – fi nancially, at least like the worst thing in the world. 1 2 3 4 5 6 the varsity 7 8 9 cryptic crossword Set by Matthew Lim

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Tel number: E-mail: [email protected] Website: www.dovedentalcambridge.co.uk Address: 114 Regent Street, Cambridge, CB2 1DP 24 Vulture Fashion Friday 23rd October 2015 Vi V i e n n e We s t W o o d ON CATSUITS, MIRRORS, AND HER CLIMATE REVOLTION

s you would expect from a fashion queen, Vivienne Westwood says a Alot about what she thinks of fashion without even opening her mouth. Such is the power of clothes and her iconic individual style.

Aesthetically, Westwood presents us with an eclectic mix. For the speech at the Union on Tuesday, she was dressed in elin pointed platform heeled boots, a woollen jumpsuit buttoned all the way up (including exaggerated arms and legs that look like leg warmers), a Climate Revolution badge, a dog tag necklace, diamond earrings, trademark purple lipstick and red eyebrows, and, most curious of all, a conker necklace. It is a strange look, and one few others could pull of, let alone have the conidence to wear.

As we sit down to speak she is friendly but reserved. Intrigued by her ensemble, I start by asking about it.

What choices did you make getting dressed today?

“I went to work on a bicycle, so that had a bit to do with it. Otherwise I might have worn my cloak instead of my great big bomber jacket. I love this catsuit that I am wearing though, it is good for everything. It is really glamorous and it cuts a very good igure: it is an all-purpose thing.” I ask about the string of conkers that sits conidently around her neck. “he conker necklace was a present from a student. I had one last year too.”

Your most recent show in Venice for SS16 was themed around the phrase “Mirror the World”. Do you think fashion ever reflects the present or is always looking forward or backwards? Do mirrors reflect or distort?

“here’s a very important thing you need to know about mirroring the world. I was giving

a lecture the other day and we were talking MEG HONIGMANN about imitation. Imitation is what I mean by ‘mirroring the world’, and if you think about all the things we can do as Homo Sapiens, art is something we do that is not real. hat is why we call it imitation. If you look at the Eifel Tower: that’s not art, it’s real. I know everything is in lux and nothing exists, but to us it’s real. Whereas, art is something that represents the world. hat’s what I mean by mirroring the world: that you should be a bit of the world, but very importantly, you should of yourself that you didn’t really know existed.” Foraying into the “propaganda” of the press here is, however, “no such thing as progress mirror the world as it ought to be, not just as it who “pretend everything is the same” to in art. here is only progress in life”. She went is. Because this leads to culture and us becom- What other discipline do you think really perpetrate what the “politicians say and do on on to talk passionately about the connections ing more human and using our potential to influences fashion? climate change”, and emphasising the “dan- between art and climate change, proclaim- express ourselves even more. And somehow, ger of mass extinction”, Westwood went on ing “everyone who is an art lover is a freedom that’s what I think about fashion. “Well, more than anything it’s paintings. to touch on Machiavellian comments on the ighter.” However, “the world has forgotten Something visual.” common man and higher power, and continu- more than it knows.” We have to cultivate our “Fashion is there to help. It’s there to make ally returned to the climate change cause with human genius: “there is genius in our genus”. you look better. But perhaps if you’re twenty After the interview, Westwood is led into the discussion of the “regeneration of the sea”. years old and you’ve got this perfect igure, nu- chamber to give a speech. She opens by asking hough some of these problems had no dity is the greatest look of all. I was once asked the Speaker’s oicer to exit the stage and leave She did break her train of thought twice. solution, when there were solutions these were [about nudity] and I said ‘well I would like to her alone to talk. “What are you going to do?” Once when a photographer was taking too made clear. She spoke about a march happen- have a pair of high-heeled shoes and with even she asks as if confused. Westwood’s mission many photos of her – “I can only talk or pose ing in London on the 29th November, for cli- a beauty spot you’re dressed’. Nobody really with this speech, as she explicitly states, is to for a picture. Sorry.” – and once because she mate, justice and jobs. She also urged students goes naked do they? We do things to enhance “recruit you [students] as activists”. She goes really did just get distracted: “If I get distracted to read her online blog – Climate Revolution – who we are; we are the most incredible crea- on to explain that “It is our last chance to save I have to talk about being distracted.” and to meet with fellow students to discuss it. tures in the world, and we walk beautifully on the world” and that “we are the last generation two legs. I just think fashion is about epitomis- who has a chance to help”. his message is one Westwood spoke at length about art and “I could just tell you about knowledge…” she ing the human potential to look diferent and she re-iterated throughout. culture, citing a friend who said “the world dropped in lightly as if she was just referencing wonderful. I think fashion is a way to express sufers from the isolation of the intellectual”; her morning breakfast. “Maybe I won’t” she who you think you are. My clothes are quite Westwood covered a lot of hefty topics (when asked later about the intellectual exclu- countered, to a mixture of disappointment and classy, they tell a story. hey’re classic because in her hour-long stream-of-consciousness sion of Cambridge, she said “Yes it is. But it’s relief among the audience members. “Maybe they’ve always got something to add to who- speech. From bankers who are “really, really not your fault. Make the most of it!”). She I’ve said too much.” ever is wearing them: they’re theatrical in that evil”, to the whole “rotten inancial system”, believes that art is “the transmission from Meg Honigmann sense. Fashion can help you to uncover a part to the “organised lying” of the politicians. brain to hand. None of this meticulousness.” Friday 23rd October 2015 Fashion Vulture 25 Fashionable Appropriation

he place of ethnicity in the current same group. In the current world of fashion, fashion industry has dominated there has been ambiguity and disagreement Tmuch of the conversation surround- about what counts as ‘appropriation’ as op- ing the collections displayed at this season’s posed to celebratory cultural exchange and New York and Paris fashion weeks. Back in ‘appreciation’. September, Kanye West’s collection provoked mixed responses and heated discussions  e recent Valentino SS16 fashion show, regarding his decision to arrange his models however, demonstrates that much of the fash- and their outfi ts by skin colour. West has ion industry continues to have a dangerous since denied that the show was politically and insensitive relationship with non-white charged but in subsequent dialogue about culture.  eir newest collection was entitled Yeezy Season 2 has found it diffi cult to avoid ‘Africa’, featuring what the house described its seeming social commentary on the racial as a “primitive, tribal, spiritual yet regal” aes- politics of the industry and, indeed, America thetic. Firstly, the use of words such as “primi- generally. West has repeatedly spoken out tive” categorises Africa as an uncivilised and against the sense of alienation he feels when underdeveloped world, a process Edward Said When art trying to being taken seriously as a creative famously described as ‘othering’. Secondly, fi gure within predominantly white fashion in- the use of the term “regal” appears to be an stitutions and the song ‘New Slaves’ has been attempt to civilize and thus reconstitute the widely understood as an exploration of what aesthetic into a more familiar, Eurocentric he regards as entrenched bigotry: “they wasn’t and white archetype of female beauty.  e and morality satisfi ed unless I picked the cotton myself”. simple title ‘Africa’ fails to recognise the He controversially employs the narrative of enormous diversity and variation between the slavery to make a statement about modern fi fty-four countries that make up the conti- capitalism and his own relationship with nent and conceptualises it as one monolithic, fashion: “spendin’ everything on Alexander homogenous entity. Perhaps the most abhor- collide Wang/New Slaves”. He told Zane Lowe last rent (but normalised) feature of the show, year that the track was referring to “us, the however, is its casting.  e Fashion: an industry that assesses creativity over moral failings? new slaves, the people who love fashion… house of Valentino stated ’Cause I’m a slave to it”. West has discouraged that the collection was us from seeing Yeezy Season 2 in these terms paying homage to ‘African In 1928 (at the earliest) Hugo Boss became imbues value in the work of such designers and accused any political reading of the show grace’ but featured al- the offi cial supplier of uniforms for the SS, independently of personal political alignments. as being inherently racist in itself. West wants most exclusively white Hitler Youth and other Nationalist Socialist How else would Hugo Boss remain the global us to view it through a purely artistic lens and models. Out of a groups.  e designer was also suspected to be powerhouse that it is today? doesn’t consider the possibility that this form show of ninety Hitler’s personal tailor, and it is thought that Not only that, but similar instances are of art can be sociopolitical. looks, less than around 180 prisoners of war were forced into seen elsewhere on the fashion timeline. John ten models labour to supply the garments for soldiers. Galliano, head designer for French fashion However, regardless of his intentions, the Yet in 2010, the German luxury fashion house houses Givenchy and Dior in 2011, embarked show did invite a much-needed discussion boasted a net profi t exceeding $200 million, on an anti-Semitic rampage in a bar in Paris. about fashion’s relationship with people of which certainly positions it as a brand of con- Videos allegedly capture him proclaiming “I colour. From Kylie Jenner’s cornrows to the tinuous success and fortune. It would seem that love Hitler”, and yet, even now, the fashion appearance of the bindi in ASOS’s Halloween the industry has forgotten the fashionhouse’s world is forgiving. Dior’s suspension of him and section, there has been a recent rise in trends origins, as the designer is certainly no longer his fi ne of €6,000 hardly refl ects the severity that have a problematic relationship with seen as the Nazi-couture-sponsor that it was of such sentiments (drunk or otherwise) and race, triggering accusations of appropriation. (…that was so last century). he is now the creative director of avant garde Cultural appropriation occurs when a domi- of colour were Hugo Boss’s position in the fashion world Parisian fashion house Maison Margiela. Even nant hegemonic culture takes elements used to showcase today begs the question of how some of today’s the renowned and seemingly untouchable from a culture of people who the pieces attempting luxury brands have escaped their dark pasts to mother of fashion Coco Chanel was thought have been oppressed by that to celebrate the ‘beauty regain their prestige. It also illustrates how the to have dated Nazi Baron Hans Gunther von of Africa’. White models industry plays an important role in shaping and Dicklage and shared anti-Semitic senti- walked down the catwalk conditioning our perception of history. ments, and Chanel is arguably the most sporting dreadlocks and We must remember that fashion is, at its respected fashion house to dress the world. wearing tiger prints, feath- heart, art.  ough Boss’s partialities are to be Whether this is morally unacceptable is not ers and beaded necklaces. rejected as abhorrent (a connection which the point to be made here; what is pertinently  is alone articulates the the German fi rm has publicly apologised for), relevant is that the fashion industry consid- distinction between aesthetic there is no denying that the SS uniform and ers itself in a position to make such judgment appreciations of particular cul- other outfi ts designed at such a time had been calls.  e current system forgives and forgets; it tures to a mindless usurpation of crafted with a refi ned sense of style. Simply cut, appreciates the work produced that culture by white hegemony. consistent in aesthetic and striking in pres- independent of context and ence, the uniforms ranged from structured allows such important In its failure to include black mod- trench coats to minimalist capes which would fi gures and fashion houses els, the Valentino show is an example cover the whole body.  ey looked seamlessly to continue to pro- of the most dangerous side of the eff ective. Yet to commend the aesthetic is not to duce art and to current industry. It is indicative of commend the action, and this is a wider point infl uence the the all too common desire to se- relating to artistic function: it serves as a space public. lect aspects of other cultures to for disconnect. A painter who depicts death make impressive and beautiful would not be charged as a murderer, nor would collections alongside a com- the novelist who probes matters of sadomaso- plete ignorance of the origins chism be rebuked as psychologically unstable. In and meaning of such materi- its fundamentally artistic form, fashion, as the als and imagery. It reminds worn, detaches itself from the wearer. Hence the us that the fashion industry better models are so often found to be “blank continues to have an uneasy canvases” - it is the clothes, not the character, exchange with issues of that must come alive. As such, history’s lens, race and ethnicity and is a though unwaveringly condemning the actions of problem that continues to Nationalist Socialist fi gures – like Boss himself, demand discussion. whom histories of his company have described as a “loyal Nazi” – seems to fi lter out, and make Hannah Parlett exception for, the fact they often look good enacting them. Over time, the world of haute couture has forgiven such transgressions and Oliver Yeates 26 Sarah-Jane Tollan Mary andClaire:ADefenceofPoetry original piece onarelatively piece stage. mainstream original theirthe able exhilaration to perform ofbeing discuss theplaying excitable Clairmont, Claire Shelley, Mary playing andEllieHeikel,also Natalie Reeve, writer undergraduates, English only, the two as inthe room there abuzz is onMonday Playroom 26thCorpus October ofPoetry. ADefence Claire: a rehearsal space for Natalie’s play, and abedroom both that doublingupas itis Idiscover liningthe room, array ofwindows intheter light the ofculture from drinking onthe mantelpiece.in their frames Aclut- delicatelyand white perched photographs black onthe wall, languidly stretched posters a sprawling space fi little with ornaments, lled U dentally stumbled into a supervision: intodentally stumbled asupervision: Ihadacci- believed Ialmost Lane, entering Natalie’spon inJesus room speaks tothecreatorsoflateststudentwrittenofferingaboutRomantics,Cambridgetheatrescene,andcannons. Vulture Running at the Mary & Mary characters between them”.characters between allthe playing itthemselves, perform ifthey is attention enough get that the onlyway they’ll decides once anactress, whowas And Claire, andShelley’s Byron of restoring reputations. come together for cause and they this higher this - ofknows much kind andClaire actually -whoshe doesn’tClairmont like really that Claire herstep-sister she contacts desperation like ‘no, is Shelley I’m goingto stop this’, in so of it,” ofhercreation, “Mary Natalie speaks because unpopular to become starting is etry andtheir po- their reputations, problematised inaccurate andhave which are very Shelley and Byron andmemoirsabout ing biographies publish- “People have started by the images. them to explain the to premise me,intrigued nymph-like Elliealmost inwhite –Iask black, in –Nataliephotographs scowling anddraped After having scrolled through their publicity having scrolled After with Cambridge students inmind,then: Cambridge with A plot that seems as if it was written written ifitwas as A plotthat seems where did it all begin? “I remember “Iremember where diditallbegin? when I was back inmy inWales, back house when Iwas forhaving the itquite idea distinctly thinking ‘I really want ashow want thinking ‘Ireally in which the to play womenget shedloads of fun characters as characters as offun shedloads well as themselves, butthen I themselves, well as also want to write a show about ashow about to want write also Byron andShelley,Byron howam so I goingto combine the two?’”, enthuses Natalie, aself-con- fessed Romanticist fanatic. fanatic. Romanticist fessed “ macabre idea enthis very of Mary and Claire wanting wanting andClaire of Mary to play andShelley, Byron and wanting to sort of toand wanting sort play-act their wayplay-act into this very male into this very Romanticism just just Romanticism sort of came out ofcame sort and I was just just and Iwas this!  will is I can write write I can like ‘Yes! Yes o tal- to- eatre is the weekly ADC main show and familiar mainshow andfamiliar ADC theis weekly diffi that whenthe powerhouse tocult garner which are audience is numbers, agree, both this seriously?’’’.  they emainpredicament, then you’re ‘are thinking goingto take they because scenes daunting doingthe serious it whilst writing writing it whilst funny. astudent to be as writer Ifelt Imean “Ithink there’sagrees, quite alotofpressure it’s comedic, is notasketch show.” Natalie for drama. actual ough “there not alotofspace for whereas is comedy out, Elliepoints although as in Cambridge,  is. writing ofit ere anoticeable is dearth student oforiginal apiece with ing to the ADC aspace”. as Playroom Corpus the about limitations ofthe ofplottwist a sort couldn’t ship became have canon-bearing his it to “ their advantage: that efact Byron on zero budget’”.  have, however, ey used onaonenight Playroom stand in the Corpus said,‘Natalie, Ellie,“Ijust laughs what?  is is ship’” overlarge onhis canon-bearing brings Natalie’s like ‘and itwas then Byron script, andcrew. Ifia smallcast “When rst read with production anoriginal regarding being managed.” stage mistakenly managerwhoreally stage that awful meas really probably remembered put onmy were play!’ like ‘okay’, andthey and Natalie, ‘“soteases like to just ‘Iwant Iwas “We’re quite comparatively both unknown’, “so aninterestingfesses, that experience”. was to or applying before the ADC”, Elliecon- have any plays really experience ofproducing “Ididn’t to apitching festival at the ADC: not? Let’s andput onthe wholething”. try Why wethought: So were laughing. just they and monologue Byron serious areally it was which we didn’tlines think were funny. Like were at laughing andpeople well-received was Andit we’llputonthe wholething. received “We term. well saidifthis is Easter basically last instudent the writing best that showcased anextract for ‘Smorgasbord’,perform afestival to were allowed whenthey evident initially ly work’’‘.  ofNatalie’s efruit was labour I’m surprised at how straightforward apply- at howstraightforward I’m surprised  problems teething some ere have been From inWales a house to astudent writ- Mary &Claire Mary Mary and Claire Mary butit’s quite and lovely people at the sametime”.and lovely people horrible very some about something learn will £6!”, “And Natalie muses: before calmly you it’sonly onenight, onlyonfor anhour, it’s only student writers!”, yourlocal of “Support “It’s inundate to want add,they cries mewith they Byron”. ifthere anything else is asking After meto wouldwant Byron say Iknow because cannons”, to “Iwant say butthen Byron, Idon’t thatfeel that  wouldmislead. ere aren’t any butI to “Iwant gofor cannons, production? their students to see hoard ofCambridge itdoesn’tit is, matter, it’s that”. onfrom moved youknow because aboy’ ‘this playing agirl is don’t allyour timethinking andspend sitback andyou Shelley playing orClaire ing Byron that it’s the from beginning know play- Mary fi itshould be onstage good ne. With this you you’re longas as acharacter playing andyou’re shouldn’t people it, self-aware about so care, aman’.actually don’t Butyoureally to be need let’smaybe howyou’re about putinajoke not are like ‘well, people andsome role, andgotit, genderblind,andI’ve gonefor amale been has where the casting productions quite afew cy.” “ inagreement: Natalie nods ere’s been them alegitima- gives anditalmost male roles are playing they notthemselves, play they’re ofthe for most are twofemale protagonists, quite“what is interesting that is there whilst for everyone,” be when itcan Ellierebukes, play andit’s for women andit’s women’ about it’snist boxed always into ‘this awoman’s is afemale protago- think has when something “I ofit. trepidation because approached with comedy, being fear them whetherthey andask that aproduction incorporates women staging remark to howrefreshing itis have two fiit could be xed’”. think it’s ashame, butIdon’t how know really Idefiones nitely to want see,’ ‘I Ellieconfesses, the Itend to prioritise because student scripts original andIrarely to see get Cambridge, in busy very is “Everyone consciousness. dominate studentproductions the Cambridge the Corpus Playroom the Corpus at9.30pm, onMonday 26thOctober runs ‘ In oneword, what wouldconvince the I the ofthe well brilliance script, as As Mary and Claire: A Defence ofPoetry ADefence andClaire: Mary Friday 2015 23rd October ’

ELEANOR MITCHELL Friday 23rd October 2015 eatre Vulture 27 The Making of the Monster The cast & crew of Frankenstein explain how they’re bringing the monster to life

CONCEPT REHEARSAL

In a post-WWII scientifi c climate dominated by physics, only in the 1990s did biology have a comeback. PROCESS People started to care about what it meant to be human, rather than who could build the biggest particle accelerator, After consulting speech therapists, videos of re- and so having Victor as a driven 90’s scientist that is able to covering stroke patients and even the odd animal vine ride that wave of excitement about the historic Human Ge- video here and there - this production will provide a truly nome Project made complete sense to me. We’ve taken entrancing depiction of the human’s progression and develop- the classical gothic setting and re-rooted it in the ment in its most stripped back form. Over the rehearsals we’ve grungey, gothic and industrial landscape of Kurt workshopped characteristics of the human condition in micro- Cobain loving, cigarette smoking 90’s Ingolstadt. scopic detail; from the instinctive refl exes we have as newborns, to consonants that take the longest for us to get the hang of, to how we react upon hearing Oasis for the fi rst time - everything that makes Rosanna Suppa [Director] us human has been stretched out, stared at for a good long while, and concentrated into this mesmerizing performance. THE CREATURE Emma Blacklay-Piech [Assistant Director]

My preparation began well before entering the rehearsal room. Over the summer, Rosan- na and Emma both sent me lots of information to help me start work on the Creature’s physicality TECHNICAL and vocals. For example, I watched videos of stroke victims learning how to speak again, car crash victims Frankenstein is packed with technical challenges, including a set taking their fi rst steps of recovery, and a woman moving that needs to transform the ADC stage from a junkyard laboratory to a baby’s limbs about while it slept. All of this was to help city backstreets to a country cottage to a grand house to the alps, work- me convey the experience of being born into an adult body ing water pipes and fi re! It’s been really exciting to see Harry Stockwell and with the mind of a child. One of my fi rst rehearsals was the Sheanna Patel design and plan an incredible set that can realise all these crazy birthing scene, and it was so interesting and also diffi cult try- ideas. We also have a props list that includes retro electronics, a placenta and ing to completely forget how to use my body, and then starting a sack large enough to fi t a person in, resulting in an interesting search history all over again. We soon learned that stretching was a good for our Stage Manager. I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s going to be idea before these rehearsals! unbelievably cool, with a fab lighting design and awesome soundscapes to cre- ate lightning, snowstorms, and that all-important 90s soundtrack. Toby Marlow [ e Creature] Eleanor Mitchell [Producer]

Pembroke Players & Varsity Present: MEGAN LEE The Pembroke Players Membership “ is should result in an easy equation, but one factor el- “We’re not doing this because we want to make money. In egantly turns theatrical arithmetic into Part III Maths: money. fact, we’re expecting to make a bit of a loss on this one. It’s  e fi nest factor of all. Every show in Cambridge costs £6 or entirely about making it easier for passionate theatregoers to get Today I decided – reasonably impulsively–- to interview the more, making a regular theatre habit hard to sustain.” seats at shows – and shows are what we’ve got!” Pembroke Players. I met them by the watering-trough that runs  e empty wallet crushed between my trouser and my stool ‘Tis true – the Pembroke Players off er a huge variety of down Trumpington Street.  e sky was grey, and the water gave credence to her theory. If only, I thought, there were a performances, including sketch comedy, smokers, new student damp.  ey led me across the quaint gardens of Pembroke society with a unique position in the world of Cantab  eatre, writing and fresh productions of well-known, well-loved plays. College (in Cambridge–- near Ely), and then turned sharply left, willing to change all this. I reminded them of this. It turns out they didn’t need remind- into the entrance of a gently bemossed cavern. “Fortunately,” they continued, “We have a unique position in ing and, to emphasise the point, they told it to me again. “ is,” they explained, “is not New Cellars.” the world of Cantab  eatre, and are willing to change all this.” “Pembroke Players off er a huge variety of performances, I knew this, having attended many an excellent show in said Hurrah! including sketch comedy, famous smokers, new student writing theatrical venue. and fresh productions of well-known, well-loved plays.” “ is,” they continued to explain, “is our Cave of Innovation.” “We are a smaller (but hugely popular) production company Members, it turns out, will also benefi t from regular bulletins “It is here,” quoth I, “that I imagine you come to innovate.” and funding body, outside of the ADC. We have the opportunity to keep them up to date with all this, as well as priority booking. “Exactly!” One of the Pembroke Players, at this juncture, to try to pull off something huge, solve the problem, and get “ is is possible due to our our brand spanking new ticketing off ered me a doughnut. I declined, having recently feasted at people seeing more theatre more regularly.” website,” they elucidated. “It’s brand new, and it spanks heartily.” Pret-a-Subway (my name for the bin halfway between these two I began to wish I had accepted the doughnut. “Only if spanking is required?” bastions of Market Square). Instead, he handed me an explana- “We’ve come up with a Membership Scheme that rewards our “Only if spanking is required.” tion of the Pembroke Players’ new Membership Scheme, which I most loyal theatregoers. A Membership Card (printed on no less “ e Membership Scheme boils down to making sure that the graciously accepted.  is Membership is, I believe, signifi cantly than 650gsm card, incidentally) costs just £5 for the year. With many, many people who wish to see lots and lots of theatre are less fattening than a doughnut, while both as Krispy and as this card, the fi rst show you see is £5 instead of £6. And it only able to do so – money is no longer an obstacle.” Kremey. continues to become more generous; the next show is £4, then “And, speaking of boiling,” I cunningly segued, “I would like a “Our new membership scheme,” ran the exposition, “is £3, until eventually you are seeing shows for free for the rest of cup of tea.” founded on two beliefs about Cambridge student theatre: fi rst, it the year.” “Unfortunately the Cave of Innovation does not serve hot is the best in the country.” beverages. I would suggest visiting the Copper Kettle, on King’s I, in case it hadn’t become clear by now, have studied Part III Parade.”  is I protested. It is, I would opine, the only student ‘theatre’ Mathematics. And I suddenly realised that – golly!  is is a very, in the country which can be called such without the use of very good deal! It pays for itself within a few shows. Is it not too Which is exactly what I did. After purchasing Pembroke inverted commas. generous? I must ask them. Players Membership at www.pembrokeplayers.co.uk/member- “Secondly, there are lots and lots of people who want to see, “Is it not too generous?” I asked them. ship. It’s a wonderful deal. And the staff at the Copper Kettle support and enjoy lots and lots of it.” “Ask again when we do our accounts at the end of the year.” sure know how to brew.  is I could not protest. Fair enough. I will. Robert Eyers 28 Vulture Reviews Friday 23rd October 2015

Restaurant: Rainbow Cafe SIMON LOCK

have walked by the Rainbow Cafe Roti cups. It’s one of those places sausages from pigs instead of bac- many times, dismissing it as an where although your own plate is teria - I was worried they would try I establishment purely for cow-lov- divine, you end up saying you want to to ‘convert’ me but quickly realised ers or veg-aholics. But when I braved “have what she’s having” as every- there was nothing to dread. I would an evening out with my vegetarian thing just looks so good. hey also do really recommend this restaurant to friend, I was pleasantly surprised. daily specials which are worth a try. staunch meat eaters such as myself. It Once I recovered from the general Where the Rainbow Cafe re- will make you realise that food can be atmosphere of peace, love and broc- ally comes up trumps though, is in equally and, in fact, more tasty in the coli, I came to realise that rather than desserts. I like cake, and as a self- absence of meat, and that vegetables being rife with militant vegetarians, appointed ‘pie boss’ they did one of aren’t the spawn of Satan. the ambience is fun and cosy, and the best apple pies I have ever tasted; he Rainbow Cafe does still leave both staf and clientele are friendly drenched in custard, pungent with something to be desired. he setting and always up for a chat. he prices cinnamon, crammed with raisins and is too small and winding for my lik- may seem expensive for a student covered by a hunky pastry. Heaven ing, and when descending down the budget, but the portions are huge on a plate, or as near as you can get in too-narrow stairs there is very much and for a carnivore like myself, make Cambridge. Apparently the cheese- the feeling of squeezing into a rabbit up for the lack of meat. Cheese to cake is fabulous too but there was so hole or creeping into an underground be the main protein staple here, so if much choice I expect to go back again secret drinking society. We ended up you have to be a vegetarian you may and again. he cafe is open all day, so queuing up the stairs, and it was too as well do it with a hell of a lot of even if you don’t go out in the evening cramped when we were seated at a halloumi! you can go for afternoon tea – perfect tiny table in the corner. he some- he food is phenomenal to say the for a student inundated with lectures. what claustrophobic atmosphere least, and there is a wide international Most of the desserts are vegan; this takes intimacy to a whole new level. range meaning there’s bound to be didn’t mean anything to me, but this he decor is questionable, with lots something to tickle everyone’s fancy. is a spectacular feat to achieve in of funky Buddhas and well, rainbows, Most likely though, like me, you’ll making it taste better than cardboard. but all in all nothing can detract from end up choosing the dish with the he staf are lovely and can recite the quality of the food. snazziest name. I was lured in by the ingredients like mantras; I was intro- At the end of the day; you have to scrummy Shepherdess Pie, with my duced to veganism, and they weren’t go here. Nothing more to say! dinnermate favouring the Jamaican stroppy at all that I tend to prefer my Meggie Fairclough Book: House of Windows

’ll admit that I was initially a little plot for me to realise how much of a pages of description (albeit beauti- wary of Alexia Casale’s House positive transformation his personal- fully written and amusingly accurate) I of Windows. It sounds about as ity had undergone, and it is fascinat- of the city and the university. While I stereotypical as you can get. It is, ing to see such clever handling of a certainly enjoyed being able to imme- in essence, a coming-of-age story. character who could so diately place every little Film: Crimson Peak Sharpe does the job, but ofers noth- he plot follows protagonist Nick easily be spectacularly thing mentioned around ing special. Playing the ilm’s heroine, Derran through the year between his mishandled. the city, it does begin Mia Wasikowska develops a real ifteenth and sixteenth birthday as he Interestingly, Nick’s to drag on after a while. maturity in her acting, demonstrating starts the irst year of a Maths degree youth is in fact largely Similarly, the shoehorning a vulnerability which is believable and at the University of Cambridge, beside the point, besides of various university tradi- induces our sympathy; she becomes struggling to focus on his work, make the occasional issue such tions and terminology pening with Mia victim to the very Austen-Brontë friends and keep up with his generally as not being allowed to into the narrative felt a Wasikowska’s haunting beck- worlds she initially recoils from. It is absent father. It seems like the kind of Formal in case he drinks little artiicial and forced. O oning to the camera, hand Jessica Chastain’s portrayal of Lucille book that could very easily turn into alcohol. His experience It may well have been of held towards us and eyes piercing the Sharpe that steals the show; her pres- one long love letter to the university, navigating a new society, more interest to a reader lens, director Del Toro teases us (with ence on screen is haunting and men- with unrealistic ideas about how trying to ind friends and unfamiliar with the city or haunting caution) to enter his world. acing, a tribute to the ever-growing prestigious it is to walk through the igure out how he wants the university and there- Aesthetically, the ilm is unrivalled; versatility of Chastain’s growing body gates of a college or the genius there to live his life is deinitely fore felt an introduction the colours, sets, clothes and symbols of impressive work. However the rest must be dripping from its walls. But reminiscent of how I, and was necessary to really are masterful in their vision and their of the ensemble feels lat and they there is none of that; actually, I really I imagine many others, feel the ambience of the craft. Every aspect of each scene is seemingly exist only for plot pur- enjoyed it. felt on arrival at Cambridge. It could novel’s landscape. Unfortunately for meticulously imagined. One is almost poses. he ilm would have perhaps Alexia Casale’s characterisation, really be about any normal fresher, me, as a student already well versed in overwhelmed by the artistic wonder felt much more claustrophobic and in- particularly of Nick, is fantastic. Our but his unusual youth particularly Cantab life, I just felt that it pulled me to be found even in the wallpaper, tense should it have centred wholly on protagonist initially appears to be a highlights the emotional change he out of the story. chairs, and curtain embroidery, not to the main twisted triangle of the dark- stereotypical sullen, socially inept undergoes. Similarly, the relationships Nevertheless, House of Windows mention the strikingly gothic build- Sharpe-duo and Wasikowska’s torn teenager with a cripplingly high between Nick and the other charac- is a highly enjoyable read. he char- ings and exquisite costumes which, Edith Cushing stuck in the middle. IQ. Terrible with people and with ters are treated in a wonderfully sub- acters are expertly written and Nick’s from lace to lapel, have been attended Where Crimson Peak disappoints is a life ambition neurotically ixated tle yet powerful way. Without relying experience so honest and familiar to with commendable craftsmanship. its ability to tell stories. Its approach on achieving a First, he is hardly an on clichés, stereotypes or lowery that I found the read becoming eas- he costumes succeed in constituting is far too similar to what we’ve seen endearing character. However, you language, Casale creates believable ily increasingly emotive, and I was the Victorian context in which the before and it succumbs to horror- rapidly realise that Casale goes far be- relationships that I felt genuinely surprised by how invested I was. It ilm is set in a truly beautiful Del Toro story cliches, from the way it achieves yond such supericiality. Her charac- emotionally involved with. might be worth ignoring the slightly fashion. its jump-scares to the (bordering on ters are far deeper and more real than However, there are a few pac- misleading blurb, but I would urge Inhabiting this world are three generic) spindly-violin and heartbeat a irst glance shows. Nick’s character ing issues. he novel features three anyone to give the book a chance. It is strong leads. Hiddleston’s perform- soundtrack. Having said that, the ilm development is so subtle that it took separate tours around diferent parts without a doubt worth it. ance as the darkly seductive homas visualises ghosts in a truly original a single major event quite late in the of Cambridge, producing nearly forty Frances Reed Friday 23rd October 2015 Reviews Vulture 29

Music: Beach House – Thank Your Music: Deerhunter – Fading Frontier Lucky Stars LEGENDARY PICTURES LEGENDARY am a Beach House devotee. I want ‘Take Care’ to hroughout their decade-long career, it’s become be played at all my major life events and ‘Real Love’ obvious that Deerhunter are always going to be un- I has been the soundtrack to so many journeys that in T predictable. From the self-dubbed ‘ambient punk’ of my mind the song is inextricably linked with First Great 2007’s Cryptograms to the more regular but no less magnifi - Western. As a new release is such a high-stakes event, I am cent dreamy indie pop of 2010’s Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter far from the detached, critical reviewer this ideally wants. have never been a band to play it safe creatively. eir new- Beach House have released two albums in as many months est eff ort, Fading Frontier, provides the perfect combina- and, in short, I am a bewildered and emotional wreck. tion of previous styles and new experimentation. Whilst Victoria Legrand and Alex Scally insist that ank With certain songs, there is a sense of a return to the fa- Your Lucky Stars (TYLS) is not a ‘surprise’ album, the tim- miliar. On opener ‘All the Same’, it’s clear that Bradford Cox ing of the release, exactly seven weeks after their last album and co are picking up from Halcyon Digest, bringing back Depression Cherry (yes, I counted) means its existence and chiming, melodic guitars and a gentler sound, reminiscent relationship with the band’s past work is under much closer of guitarist Lockett Pundt’s side-project Lotus Plaza, or scrutiny than the those steadily released every two years, bands such as Real Estate or DIIV. e song ‘Duplex Planet’ and not only have the band departed from their trademark is a case in point, with its memorable hook and wonderfully methodology, the results are deeply disconcerting. playful harpsichord part making it instantly enjoyable. And Essentially, ank Your Lucky Stars is the fi rst album on despite the album’s overall dreamy tone, there are still hints which Beach House fail to sound like themselves. ese two of the lo-fi garage rock stylings of 2013’s Monomania, with albums were recorded together and on paper seem similar: lead single ‘Snakeskin’ being the obvious example. minimal drums, infl uences of shoegaze, and a return to the However, as expected, the contents of this 36-minute al- quieter, darker sound of their early releases Devotion and bum, Deerhunter’s shortest by far, are still full of surprises. their self-titled debut. But while Depression Cherry makes After the raw noise and distortion of Monomania two years good on that promise, ank Your Lucky Stars seems not so ago, they seem to have made a complete U-turn, instead much vintage Beach House as a pastiche of their infl uences. favouring swelling synthesisers, delicately sung melodies, e otherworldly, complicated beauty of Depression Cherry and chorus-laden guitars. On the surface, ‘Breaker’ is has suddenly gone missing. Deerhunter at their most generic – simply structured, with Comparing the lead singles is a case in point. ‘Sparks’ a singalong chorus and sparkling guitars – however, never (Depression Cherry) sounds like aliens descending to colo- one to conform entirely, Bradford Cox accompanies this nise the Earth, although they lovely and benign so you don’t beautiful, seemingly happy music with his typically morbid mind. ‘Majorette’ (TYLS), on the other hand, brings every- lyrics: “And when I die / ere will be nothing to say / Except thing back down to the ground. It doesn’t sound like Beach I tried / Not to waste another day / Trying to stem the tide”. House drawing on 90s indie rock, more Suede or even Pablo Even more surprising is that the only songwriting contri- Honey-era Radiohead doing a Beach House impersonation. bution from guitarist Lockett Pundt, the exquisite ‘Ad Astra’, ere’s a similar story throughout the lyrics. e Beach is utterly devoid of the beautifully intricate guitars that nor- House I know and love talk of waiting silently by Turtle mally fi ll his songs. Instead, the song is based around the Island’s murky ponds, of black and white horses, backs simple combination of an off beat bassline and various dif- arched, running across uncertain landscapes. Instead we ferent synth lines – the result is truly magnifi cent. e song get insipid lines like “she’s a rollercoaster, she’s a fi re in the itself is relatively simple, but the way the repeated melodies night”. e “sons and daughters, bending at the altar” in and synths build and build until their triumphant drum- ‘Elegy to the Void’, the album’s best track, are mildly evoca- heavy climax is worth sacrifi cing complexity for. tive, but it is stock gothic imagery that wouldn’t be amiss Of course, this wouldn’t be a Deerhunter album without in the most cynical of Lana Del Rey songs. Maybe they its share of weirdness, and the track ‘Leather and Wood’ are learning to express themselves more directly, but this more than satisfi es that need. A repetitive, dissonant piano frankness doesn’t make an impact. eir emotional reso- line spans the length of the six-minute song; other elements nance has, until now, rested on allusion; vague reference to come and go, including Cox’s howling vocals, modifi ed gui- feelings that can barely be described. Emotions suppressed tars and bizarre electronic noises, making for one of the and unseen, until this solemn Baltimore duo articulated strangest pieces of music the band has ever made. them with a force that makes your skin prickle and chest e fi nal song, ‘Carrion’, is relatively unremarkable, and in muscles seize. Unless that’s just me on the 15.10 to London fact quite a disappointing closer musically, but its title and Paddington. lyrics provide a window into the way that they work as a Trying to second-guess what the pair are up to is diffi cult. band. While many of the band’s lyrics conjure images of To be honest, in all likelihood they are not ‘up to’ anything. death and decay (“I was the corpse that spiralled out” be- Beach House are not ones to play games; in interviews, ing a personal favourite from ‘Octet’ on Cryptograms), the their agonised pursuit of honest authenticity clearly comes clever wordplay within the song transforms the word into across, and authenticity can mean not caring about how the exultant cry; “Carry on!” providing a forward-looking you come across to others. is release may seem odd, but fi nish to an album which has yet again proved Deerhunt- Beach House simply made the songs and wanted to release er to be an important band, whose constant them. Perhaps the album is uncertain and unpolished, or experiments with texture and style always perhaps the band’s sound is multifaceted and undergoing produce something worth thinking about. change. Real growth and development, in music and in peo- Declan Amphlett ple, is rarely pretty. Emily Bailey-Page way; the depiction of them is chilling smaller, seemingly trivial, moments Music Picks of the Week, from Margot Speed and spectacular. e script is awk- are executed in beautiful fl ourish, wardly paced and only when we reach from the opening of a letter, to the Who remembers Scouting for Girls? I’d subconsciously Whistling’, but the album isn’t just an hour of the same the house itself does the fi lm fi nd a taking off of a coat, to the billowing of consigned them to the mists of time, but this week the in- identikit formula that made these tracks so successful. e stronger voice. It seems Del Toro was a cloak when gliding down the stairs. ternet tells me they have returned with a new album, Still band themselves admit to hating albums that repeat the uncertain of the genre, as Crimson One cannot help but simply want inking About You. e sickly-sweet-indie-pop genre un- same sound, a sentiment implied in their track ‘Ban All Peak isn’t intense enough to justify more of the house, however. Its design fortunately faded from public love along with James Blunt, the Music’, which aims for something more ‘eclectic’. e itself as a horror, but is also too emo- as a gothic setting of psychological Jason Mraz and the mid-noughties, but if you’re still into sound is epic, with fl ashes of the symphonic sound and tionally shallow to be considered a unsettlement is fully realised, and that sort of thing then this is the album for you. Eight years almost pained vocals that fi ll Muse or Radiohead’s early substantial dramatic “gothic romance” with rooms lined with black-moths since the release of their fi rst album, the sound of the band work. Other moments are more electric and drawled and (as Hiddleston called it). for wallpaper and with corridors of hasn’t changed much at all. Some tracks are a little more make better use of bass lines, such as ‘Neon Brother’ and almost hypnotising and gothic incep- self-indulgent than their old work, using thicker acoustic ‘Painkiller’. While reviews are split between unadulterated tion, the fi lm teases a sense of place instrumentals and a slower pulse, and ‘Best Laid Plans’ adoration and contempt, personally I believe among the which is to be relished and craved. provides a surprising solo interlude. But the lyrical content raw instrumentals and bitter lyrics there’s something quite Guillermo Del Toro’s Crimson Peak and general tone is basically identical: why not, when they exceptional. revives the imagination and fantasti- sold so many records to teenage girls? It is easy to be rude Finally, the most recent work, Lay Low, from French sing- DIRECTOR DEL TORO TEASES cal fl air seen in his spectacular earlier about the band; the way they’ve spent the time since their er-actress and daughter of icon Jane Birkin, Lou Doillon. work, Pan’s Labyrinth, made before last album being in their late 30s and writing music for One Her tracks are softly jazzy at points, but at others more up- US WITH HAUNTING CAUTION he took to a more Hollywood-centric Direction and Five Seconds of Summer, or the perhaps beat and electro-acoustic, and it is a mixture that suits her style of fi lm-making. Yet Crimson premature release of 2013’s Greatest Hits. I won’t be rude. style. Although she performs in English the sound draws TO ENTER HIS WORLD Peak needed a more weighted story I recommend this album wholeheartedly as foot-tappingly from the French chanson tradition, which comes through and more convincing character arcs happy and fairly musically accomplished. ey’ve even in- in the half-spoken, half-sung lyrics in which she refl ects on to secure itself as a fi ve-star triumph. cluded a Christmas track on the end. Bless them. the epic loves and tribulations visited on her by lovers. Her e unsatisfactory story as a whole Nevertheless, to rate it any lower Meanwhile, the latest release from Nothing But ieves voice is husky, but emotive and rich, adding to the cabaret should not overshadow some mo- than I have would be simply insulting shows the kind of music now being expected in the UK vibe of tracks such as ‘Good Man’ and ‘Where to Start’. e ments of real brilliance. e climax to the visual accomplishments of an industry from boybands. is is the fi rst full album re- lyrics betray a stirring vulnerability, as she softly scolds is spectacular, with an adrenaline original vision that Del Toro and his lease from the alternative rock band, and it’s seriously im- herself, “I’ve got to stop this obsession / I’ve got to remember that achieves the peak of the fi lm’s crew have so impeccably translated pressive. Having made their debuts on Radio 1 over the my reason / And let the fi lm roll without you”. It would be thrill - the sequence of Chastain’s onto the screen. past few years, they’ve since supported Arcade Fire and unfair to attribute fame or success to her because of the pursuit of Wasikowska through the George Ezra, and toured with Twin Atlantic. You may have talent and cultural relevance of her parents, and this work house is genuinely unnerving. Even Oliver Yeates heard some of their singles, ‘Trip Switch’, or ‘Graveyard proves she deserves recognition in her own right. IL BARBIERE NATURAL BORN BARBER STUDENTS £10 (MONDAY - FRIDAY) 22 MAGDALENE STREET, CAMBRIDGE CB3 0AF Friday 23rd October 2015 Sport 31 Oh, ça va mal, Michel, ça va mal Peter Rutzler  at night in Heysel, one that many will want to forget because of the dis- Assoc ate Sport Ed tor aster that unfolded around you, was ANTOON KUPER your night. It was, and remains, the Michel Platini, footballing great, pinnacle of domestic European foot- Champions League winner, European ball and you reached it. Yet you fi nd Championship winner, three time yourself so close to being overshad- Ballon D’Or winner, a midfi eld magi- owed again. But this time the spectre cian – and now allegedly a corporate looms over your entire career. apparatchik at FIFA? Where did it go From Europe to the world stage, you so wrong? won the trophy that sets you above A year is a long time in football but all else. Many remarkable talents not normally at FIFA, whose peren- have come and gone, from Puskas to nial allegations of corruption have in Rijkaard, Pirlo to  ierry Henry, but previous years blissfully fl oated by as none of them have won the Ballon quickly and as promptly as Manchester D’Or. You did. Placing yourself on a City’s liaisons with the Champions par with van Basten and Cruyff , you League group stages. took the title three times in a row.  e  is year, that changed.  ings are crowning achievement of a remark- happening, people are being revealed able career. You ranked with the very as money-motivated wraiths. And Mr best; Maradonna and Pele sit in your Platini, as Vice-President of the sport’s company. governing body, you’re right in there But when history turns her glare with them. towards you, Michel, you won’t be re- Regardless of whether you actually membered for the delight you brought took that paltry $2 million from your to millions with your feet. You will be old pal Sepp, you are tarred with the The best of friends... remembered as the man in a grey suit, same brush of guilt that will sweep the man tainted by the suspect goings- right through the tower of deceit that CONMEBOL. Lest we forget that you FIFA. the French; you blessed the Italians on at FIFA amidst the stench that cur- we call FIFA. Lest we forget, of course, are currently suspended from all foot- You were at the heart of France’s leg- too. Following your successes at Nancy rently surrounds the organisation. your loyal but secretive support for the balling activity for ninety days. endary midfi eld “carré magique”, your and Saint-Étienne, you travelled to Michel, even if you are innocent of footballing superpower that is Qatar, But it didn’t have to be like this, technique, verve and skill stunned the Turin, where you donned the black wrongdoing, why did you stay? Why despite pledging your vote to the US Michel. You were once the star of the opposition, you laid on goals more fre- and white stripes and scooped every did you surround yourself with some- bid. Lest we forget the subsequent international footballing scene, the quently than Messi breathes, and your award in sight, taking the title, the thing so poisonous? Why did you say employment of your son by a Qatari darling of French fans. passing was razor-sharp. Scudetto, in ’84 and ’86, winning the nothing? sports kit company just months after Many younger generations will be You brought home the European Capocannoniere – top scorer – three You will always be the man over- the vote. Lest we forget your close ties oblivious to your stunning football- crown in ’84. You were heralded, laud- times consecutively from ’83 to ’85. shadowed, not just by the disaster that with Sepp. Lest we forget the slightly ing exploits, particularly now that ed, exalted even.  ey crowned you Le On the continental stage, you won night at Heysel, but also by the calam- suspect backing you receive from your name is instead associated with Roi. Vive le Roi. it all – crowning your domestic tri- ity of your role at FIFA. South America’s soccer confederation headlines about the investigations into You didn’t just save your talents for umphs with the European Cup in ‘85. Ça va mal, Michel. Ça va mal.

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lse.ac.uk/GradVarsity 32 Sport Friday 23rd October 2015 Oh là là! Peter Rutzler laments Michel Platini’s involvement in the crisis at FIFA. See page 31

Sport Surviving Cambridge with sport Lucy Morgan explains why we all need a little bit of sport to balance out our lives handed in on time, someone in your Lucy Morgan hall made cake, and you even found £5 in your laptop case. Sometimes your Sport Correspondent JOHN SUTTON bed is just so comfortable and warm that training is just a distant dream. “Academia comes fi rst.”  at’s a com- But then someone in your team cracks mon phrase here, tossed around by a stupid joke and your week gets even senior tutors, sports coaches and su- better. And the new person on your pervisors alike. More than once I’ve team happens to do your subject so been warned that rowing (which I you’ve got a new source of entertain- don’t even do) isn’t a valid excuse for ment in lectures. being unable to make a supervision Of course there are academic ben- or meet a deadline. While I agree that efi ts to sports too, it isn’t all just fun time-management is important, sport and more fun. Water polo gets me up hasn’t had a traumatic eff ect on my at 7am several times a week, and we academics – quite the opposite. Ad- all know the rowers suff er similarly, mittedly my ability to stay awake in which means that rather than sleep- lectures after a 7am practice has defi - ing in till the sun’s almost at its peak nitely been tested, but I can’t imagine (sorry science students), after sports life at Cambridge without my weekly we’re up and vaguely productive be- doses of chlorine and sweat. fore lunch. Ask me to churn out an We all know the basics: sports are essay after a midday practice, and I’m good for you, physically, mentally and likely to be much more capable than socially. Endorphins, and all that. But before when my mind was still fuzzy, having that list rattled off doesn’t come struggling not to be hungover from close to the reality of why sports are so Sunday night Life. essential here. So you know what? Sports are essen- In my experience of Cambridge, al- tial to surviving at Cambridge. Sure, most everything is done to the max. the academics and studying come Look at the libraries in Easter term Sport is the perfect escape from the stresses of studying in Cambridge fi rst. But I wouldn’t enjoy my subject and it’s clear that when we study, me, I could go on a ridiculously en- think of again and that no one’s sup- things all seem farther away, or at the half as much, or honestly do nearly as we study hard. Just days later during thusiastic rant about why sociology is posed to remember. When your su- very least much easier to deal with. well, if it weren’t for the hours that I May Week, we could awe even Jabba the cat’s pyjamas. But it isn’t nearly as pervisor tears apart your essay after Also, that really embarrassing thing occupy with something completely the Hutt with our excessive levels of satisfying to get a compliment on an you proudly admitted to a friend that you did, the people who ate your diff erent every week. It’s ironic that in vegging and partying. At a university essay (not the one I wrote throughout after three days of intense focus you snacks so you were low on food, and a university full of brilliant research- level, sports are no diff erent.  e same the night, I promise), as it is to cycle think you fi nally nailed the topic. that messy bedroom with a pile of un- ers, who I’m sure know the list of ben- enthusiasm, competitiveness, deter- home, exhausted from practice. It’s those days that fi nally getting washed laundry: all left in college. But efi ts, we aren’t more encouraged to mination or just plain stubbornness You know those days when you’re that defensive manoeuvre, killing a lo and behold, it’s training time, and dedicate time to sports. So even if you that pushed us to get in here in the running fi ve minutes late for lectures swim set or just pushing myself that you have a reason to be somewhere didn’t make the fi rst team, because fi rst place drives us to work hard in because the bustling school groups extra bit as my legs burn makes all else for two hours. In those miser- this is only the second time you’ve our athletic endeavours. And I much and oblivious tourists just won’t get the diff erence. Instead of retreating able winter months, exercise gets your ever played the sport, don’t underesti- prefer forcing out a sprint set than try- out of your way. When you get back to my room and re-watching an epi- blood going, your teammates get you mate this opportunity. You’ve still got ing to fi nish an essay at 5am. from a practical, starving, to fi nd that sode of Game of rones, sport off ers laughing, and suddenly it isn’t as cold a plethora of new skills to learn, train- Why? It goes beyond hating the caf- hall has just closed and you’re low on a healthy, and less emotionally trau- anymore. ing sessions to enjoy, and sweating to feinated daze that accompanies the groceries. When someone brings up matic (sob for every GoT season fi nale Obviously not every week is a do: in Cindies, as the clock ticks down bleak sunrise as I email off my un- that really embarrassing thing you did ever) output for the frustration, apa- dreaded, busy mess. Some weeks go on the last ten minutes of your exam, edited work. I love my subject; believe that one time that you vowed never to thy or distress. After practice, those particularly well: supervision work and during practice. Cambridge and MotD: a match made in heaven

Angus Satow We fall back onto our beds and sofas sometimes watch it for some awesome it right with the pithy observation: in repeated identity. Watching Gary and let the nothingness wash over us. goals, or to watch our team win. But “Looking ahead to March, every (Gary!) and co, you can slowly drift off Sport Ed tor  ere is nothing in this world as in reality you barely remember any football team will be playing football as Stoke play West Brom and you give gloriously meaningless as football. It’s of what you watch. It’s not a gripping several times and in various no fucks. Cambridge on a Saturday night: oh. a testament to the powers of bullshit series, nor is it tense – we already combinations”. And sure, Gabby Logan and Amy  e grads have deserted the town in that grown men and women can cry know what’s happened. In truth, it’s about pat- Lawrence herald a better era, an era in their droves; the humanities students based on the movements of a small No, we watch it because it’s terns, and reassuring iden- which football isn’t so incredibly sex- are panicking about the next week in round thing that came nowhere near comfortable. Alan Shearer and tities. For football’s mostly ist, homophobic, racist and more. But the library; Spoons remains a last re- them. From ten thirty until midnight, Danny Murphy are probably the male viewership, Match football will remain football – an Andy sort. Let’s face it, Cambridge on a Sat- on a weekly basis, we can devote an most boring men on earth, and of the Day provides a Warhol art form, devoid of depth. urday night is shit. hour and a half of our lives to some their insight generally amounts soothing return to the Cambridge life is shattering, in more But wait. For us football fans, salva- sportsing and some supremely-un- to “they scored because they patriarchy – three men ways than one. New ideas discovered, tion lies in television’s worst and best knowing analysis of the sportsing. scored”. Manager interviews fol- chatting shit. And the old certainties destroyed, opportuni- program: Match of the Day. Every But we don’t watch it for the sport- low a predictable pattern of “things permanence of Gary ties for sleep and television limited. Saturday night at around ten thirty sing, even less so for the analysis. I didn’t go our way”, “we’ve got to Lineker, aka Big But no matter what goes on, no mat- (barring those international breaks – have yet to come across anyone who do better” or “it’s all the ref’s B r o t h e r , ter what goes wrong, you know that dark times…) the familiar, bland face genuinely cares what Robbie Savage fault”. As for the matches: provides there’ll always be a Gary at the end of of Gary Lineker shimmers into vision. thinks about anything. And sure, we Mitchell and Webb had FIXERS security the tunnel.

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