l 7Ifllflmn and t rik are d,,[iyhled I" an
Watch the Occidental Dance Troupe per nOflnce Ihal alier a Iryiny 'lear Ihey a re form a traditional Viennese Waltz and ge/uny o'/ /lo rCeo( l'es i1f1ifl!l li'rJln the th en join 111 th e mi x. Li ve lllllsic cour t di/ol"Ship. 7.)e """tid like If) flse Ihis .'pace tesy the Cal tech/Occidental Orchestra. 10 den!! any o/(eyol!"olls oj'i,nproper flse oj" see Dabney Hall Spm tonight (JU/' ill/ern 7. ) "(111. 7,Je 're fal/fly hel' (/I i /;; us. THE CALiFORNIA TECH
V OLU .\I F. XCIX. NU~IHER 17 P ASADENA. CII.IFORKIA F RIDAY. FEHRUARY 13. 1998
'Get $10,000 to start a company SUPER NOBEL MADNESS BY E RI K STREED stan sli ch at Caltech competition came (Q Mr. Hi ght owe r when he noti ced a sign for Ten thousand dollars in startup capital a similarlype of competition at MIT. How is the grand prize in Caltec h's li rs l $ IOK t'\'I.:.~r. instead of the cash award given by Business Plan Compeliti on. Open to indi the MIT competiti on. he wanted cont es vidu als or teams primllrily composed of tant:-. to actual ly stall th e companies they members of' the Caltech Community. the proposed. goal of' th e competition is to nuture stan ups Mr. Hi ghtower is a successful en tre by creat in g a langible first achievement for preneur. having started six compani es. those wit h good ideas. In order (Q ha ve a Green Hills Sort ware bei ng the most fa broad appeal. "Calt ec h Community" in miliar 0 11 campu s. Me Hi ghtower was also cludes not onl y current staff. stllO(:Il IS. and one of the insti gators of the Page House faculty but also graduate and undergradu McDonald's prank. having \v riuen th e ate alumni . Participat ion by alumni is es FORTRAN code in volved. After graduat peciall y encouraged - many have bu si in g fro m Tech. Glenn Hi ghtower worked ness experience and valuable industry con as a ~o n s ultant to the Institute. creating th e tacts. Electri cal Engineerin g/Computer Science The Caltec h $ 1O K competition is 5x se ri es of mi c roprocessor syste ms sponsered by the Caltec h Industrial Rela classes. Hi s work wi th microprocessors Sir Barton, Chemistry Amo Pel/ zius tions Center, with the grand pri ze invest lead the founding of several companies. the Last Thusrday Cal tech witnessed a Nobel Prize wi nner double header. ment of S I 0,000 to be provided by Glenn earl y 80's video game system Intelli vision Unversity of Texas Professor of Chemistry Sir D e rek B arton gave a Hightower ('72, Page House). The idea to being the most widely known. talk in 157 Noyes on his recent advances g if chemistry. And in Baxter or more information and contest entrance materials, please 'refer to the Lecture H a ll Arno Penz ius of Bell Labs gave a talk on the Inte rnet. Caltech Industrial Relations Center Web site at http://www.irc.caltech. edul
W in a bike (or other prizes) at Career D ay ASCIT E LECTION R ESULTS 40 I people voted and th ere was zero error. Electi on Chair Nic k It will be held between Millikan and Wilson Ave this year Breen is a happy s'more.
BY SOM EONE OTH ER THAN ASCIT Secretary...... Mike Astle SAMSON T IMONER ASCIT Treasurer...... Robert Saliba (JONATHAN LITTLE) ASCIT Upperclass Director...... Autumn Looijen If you've ever wondered AS CIT Frosh Director...... Steve Craver wh at it would be like to be as ASCIT Alh Manager...... Audrey Lee similated at Mi crosoft ,join th e ASCIT Social Director...... Jasmine Sekanina Intel juggernaut . get absorbed into th e military-i ndustria l ASCIT Acade mic Director...... Devi Thota* complex . jockey Excel for ARC S ecretary ...... Dee Ghosh Wall Street, or even swab the IHC Chair...... Jaideep Singh decks in th e Navy. then mark BoC Secretary ...... Kevin Bradley your ca lend lJr for this coming Tech Editors ...... Terry Moran, Shay Chinn, Th ursday. With ovcr 84 com pan ies expected to attend. Erik Dill, Kaly Isaacs, February 19th w ill be Voter turnout & S hannon Slewman Caltech's largest Career Day Blacker 50 ever. (It could also be Dabney 35 Caltech's largest mud fe sti va l full-time job, an undergrad look spent thi s year in an attempt Fleming 59 ever if EI Niiio shows up ... ) ing for an intemship, or a curi to attrac t companies inter Lloyd 73 Due to the construction ous passerby lookin g for free ested in other majors as well. *Electi on co ntested. ASCIT Page 64 around Winnett Center, thi s stuff. thi s is you r opportunity to Furthe rmore, a number of EXCOI11ITI co nsid ered and upheld year's Career Day will be held speak with many different com smaller Calt ech-related com Ricketts 47 the electi on. Secretary Brand on. at Bechte l Mall from II :00 panies in an informal setting pan ies such as AstroTerra, Ruddock 73 "Kohl 's on crack." a.m. to 3:00 1'.111. Bec hte l while simu ltaneously coll ec ting Idealab! , Ortel, and Paracel Mall is the area "on the oth er a myriad of new pens, stress wi ll be represent ed. Rumor IN THIS ISSUE side of Mill i ka n" between toys, and T-shirts. In add ition, also has it that Ted Williams, Kerckhoff and North Mudd be sure to drop off a copy of your one of th e perpetrators of the just fo ll ow th e signs and bal resume at th e Career Center tent infamous 1984 Rose Bowl THE USUAL THIS WEEK'S before about I :30 p.m. when th e prank, wi ll be in attendance loon s and you can't mi ss it. STUFF FEATURES Dress is casual (but no t door prize drawings begin. representing AMD. sloppy), so save your coat and Although the overwhelming For more information Announcements ...... 12 Election Results ...... ! tie for actual interviews. (See market demand for CS and EE visit the Career Development Dean's Corner ...... 2 Job Interviews ...... 7 graduates has resulted in these Center in the basement of Par the related article about inter DILBERT ...... IO Media Guy...... 6 majors domin ating Career Day Viewin g on page 7.) sons- Gates, or c heck out Foxtrot...... !O Letter to the Editors ...... 2 Whether you're a gradu for the past few years, a signifi hff p:lllI'ww. cco.calfech. eclul Minutes...... S Valentines ...... 9 ating stude nt looking for a cant amount of effort has been -career. The Outside World ...... 3 We ouila here...... 1 2 February 13, 1998 OPINIONS The California Tech Dean's (orner . LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Iraq Redux Do Caltech to treat gut!s l!"? Ant.! what ahout Ihe c:o n scq u ~nc~s for somehouy pn:)(:! students deserve t.: b e? \V11<.ll wo uld ha ve hap uCI ~. j usl ill pelled. if Oll t! or the fr ishccs re by Jean-Paul Revel l..:asc. or as a detclTcnl. their good all y had hil some di stinguished Wilh the same reasoning that led to reputation? gu est anll he woul d have lost hi s hUI Ihe cold war anns race, thi s should intcresl in donati ng Ca lleclllhc within reach discoumge wou ld-be illlat:kers since Dear Edi tors. milli on for a new dorm or some of hi s mi ssiles. Perhaps we can retaliate in kind. If somcone I don 't kn ow whether th e thing else"! Or, worse, somehody Saddam built all hi s palaces (78 of daims thaI wedon'ldeler. trullh""llen fo llowi ng sounds familiar to you. would ha ve neetl ed medi cal as- The crJdle or modem westem them I believe) from earnings on his thclU_w ith our arsenal an(j parJpher nul Ilhink I sistance arter civiliz.ation seems to have hcen the investments in gas m a.~ k manutat."fUr nalia. of course lhey arc <;omplelcly s h o uld throwing 11; 111- Fertile Crescent, i.e. Ihe arca "'Illed er.;. Anyway. he has now decided Ihal disingenuous. Something of the sort m e nti o n One lady with a sci r a ll lhe now cllcomp'N'cd by fu,lcm Turkey Ihe UN inspeclors. which werc sup seems 10 be happening hel\: at Caltcch something...... ground "! and Northern Ir.tq . ThaI seems 10 be posed 10 lind and dismantle such fa also. There are those amOng lhe SIU whic h (a l stroller literally hope some where many of Ihe advances which. cilities. either were gelling too close denl\ and lhose in the adrninistrJtion least in my had to duck ... to body can en by allowing ror excess lOad produc fo r comfort or. having snooped who somehow have mru' aged 10 sec unqualitied li ghte n me lion. led 10 enough leisure and riches around for 7 years. now in sulted the same evenlS from POLnlSo f view o pini o n ) avoid bein.g hit! and even per 10 allow lhe development or idea, and Iraq's National Sovereignly by fur seemingly as di spamle Us Ihose or complelely haps rcstore lechnologies which have remained ther investigations. Saddam Hussein and the UN. [n Ihal c la s he s my tru st in honour hased fairplay! I am will the mainslllY or our civi li zat ion. I have no greal sympathy for dehate we are spectalors .. although I with everyth ing I heard of honour and fairplay and rea ll y did up sel in g to di scuss Ih al wi lh anybody That's where wheat was domesti Hussein, bUll c,m'l help hUllhink Ihm suppose that if enough of LI S te ll our caled, ,md olleoflhe li r.;1p laces where he has a point. I suppose Ihal we senators and conbYfCssmcn how we me: Last Sunday wasn 't the mos t interested . att racti ve weather, hut as usual. writing was invented. ll1C earliest wou ld reacl negali vely if Camp David reel.lhal may have an cJ'Fccl. BUI we DR. ULRICH HOFMANN Iny fa mily and I lOok a walk on examples ofcunci lonn wri ting date wa, suspected of being a hiding place have a much better to clhance to i n ~ DIVIStON OF BIOLOGY the campus. We. especially my from 3500 yean; hefore Ihe Chri.' lIuencc whal happens hocre. The <1d lillie 2 year old dau ghle r. en mini slration at Caltecl\ insists that lian era. i.e. 2000 years helorc Ihe joyed Ih e crayfi sh habilals oidesl record of wriling in China Ihe sludenlS in their houses need 10 We, the good guys, sO Ulh or Beckman Mall. And . THf: C ALIFORNIATECH and nearly a Ihousand years bel cJre yield and slOp aClivili",s whi ch arc IOge lher w;lh us. a 101 of dis know that we would seen as dangerous or htavc danger scribes were employed in Egypl. tin guis hed guests we re On c.: al11- C.. ltech 40-58. Pasadena, CA 91125 ThaI is al so Ihe part or Ihe world ous implications. Sluf(.lcnts in (he pus and streaming towards the edllorlal desk: (626) 395- 6 J 53 not do anything buSiness & adv. desk: (626) 395-61 S4 which has gi ven us oncoflhc carli houses are largely sclb ·~ gove min g. chamber orchestra concert in edltonal: ed,[email protected] because their sensible behavior events &. notices: mln([email protected]!I cst surviving codes of law, 280 wrong with our Dabne y and some more PUB buSiness: [email protected] makes this possible. Like every advertiSing: [email protected] judgcmCnl'i dealing with cases hum LI C evenlS ... AI around 14.4511 IS5N 0008-1582 everyday life. These "verdi cIs of weapons. one al Caltcch.they ameonslrained a group of stud enIs (aclually the jusl oruer" scem a bil stiff by by Ihe Honor Code and by Ihe laws just one or some more) came VOLUME XCIX. NUMBER 17 our sta ndards today out certainly arrecting all Cili zens
FREETOW N, S I ERH A LEONE sen t to K uwait to strengthen ex the rally we re th ree form er mem Indonesia·s primary currency. has DUBLIN, IREI..ANI)--Two killings Nig eri an tfOOp:-> gained control i!'t ing forces. Meanwhile. Turkey bers 01" Hong Kong's legi slilturc fallen from 2400 per dollar to as attri bu ted to Roman Catholic of lh c suhll rh s of Freetown. Si dispa,c hed 7000 ,oldi ers '0 'he who were removed when China Iowa, 17000 per dollar. guerrillas in th e last week have erra Leone's capital uftcr heavy Iraqi front to rrcvcll! Iraqi Kurd JrpOi nled a new legi slature in held up peace ,alb in Northern art i lIery ho mharumcnt on Tues refugees from entering the cou n July. T UI LlS I, G EO RGIA- An assassina lrclaml. Protestant leaders are at day. Nigerian fo n.. 'cs an; at ' ry should Iraq he allileked. tion altempt was made against tel11pting to h~l VC Sinn Fein . the tempting to restore President JAKA RT /\ , INI)():\, ESIA - Ri si ng PresidentEduard Shevardnadze in poli ,i cal wingof'he Iri sh Repuh Ahmed Tejan Ka hhah 10 puwer 1-10:"(; KONG, C IIINA-Qiao Shi. pril:cs and food shonages havc led which his moturcade was attackcLl li can Army expelled from 'he aftcr he was tkposcd in a mili head of the Na ti onal People's to riots throuh out I ndoncsia. hy an ti -tank grenade launchers. peace tal ks. tary coup l a~t May. Congress. visited Hong Kong ror l\carly 100 people were arrested One hodyguard was kill ed and the firs t time since the handovcr after a peaccful protest in the l:api two mo re wounded. hu t lVl usc/H . O:''oI /\N-I n prepara this week. He was greeted oy pro tol \Vcdncsday after the price ur ShevartlnadLc emerged UIl tion for the po~sihlc: homhing tkmocracy prulc!'otcrs. six of hasil: guuds rOse by a~ much as scathed. of Iraq. 3000 U.S. soldiers were whom were arrested. Present at 300'ff. Since Jul y 'he rupiah.
SEIZED CARS [rum $ 175. Free Cash Grants! P {) r "("hl·~. Caddl;lc,,;, Chl..'vy~. BIVIW·s. Corvcllcs. ;\J:.,o Jeep:-. LAEMMLE THEATRES Coll ege. Scholarships. Busi ness. -tWO\. Your Arca. Toll Fn.:e 1,~·HJO· 218-9000 Ext. A-9 .~62 lor curren! Med ica l hill,. Never Re pay. Toll lisling~ . Fre e I-SOO-2IS -90(JO Ext. G- ESQUIRE COLORADO BEAKS RESEARCH, 2670 E. Colorado Blvd. 2588 E. Colorado Blvd. WRITING & EDITING SERVIC E (626) 793-6 149 (626) 796-9704 HELP WANTED •.••••.. s", ,, IOJ.'·_~ Mc n/Wmnl'll earn S:~7 ," \\~'I.'kl) pnll,:CS'" \ ",q."". ~ ",Ih R C'~.Ln:h P.'~I'. nl,·,,·,. p " ,,·n .• hnn,. B, ,,,"- 0\: \ u.od R c· 'um ~ ' i ng / assl,.'mhhn~ ~1cdll.::ll LIJ C:mJS:l1 I UI~"'~ I ,,'n~1 Slu\k'nl, \\\·k•• m,: home. Irnml.'lh;1I1.' opl.'lU np. ) o ur 101.'<11 TUi>,nn c "''' IC·'· ' ~ . E xpl.'nl.'n~· 1.' 1I1lnl.'n':"";Ir). WIIl Ir.! 1Il Sh.""n L 1k ~r. Ph ()' 1-'1U1 J':"H· hh(' ~ Wings of Call Mcd kilrd 1-541-3S6-5JYO ,.n,;,,1 B,·.n\\ ,udI' AOt. ... 'm * * Award Willller * * The Apostle Ex!. 118M ACADEMY the Dove BARBER SHOP Dnily 4:00, 7:00,9:45 p.m. Dnily 5:00, 7:30,10:00 p.m. Bargain Mmillee 1:00 p.m. Sa-Sf( W'eekclId Bnrga in Matinee 2:30. 'Na8 Time 27 N. C 21 to 32 years of age, 230 S. Lake Ave, Pasade na OPEN 7 DAYS (626) 792·6600 Fax: (626) 792-6610 sought as anonymous EGG DONORS OUT AND PROUD Tel: 449·8018 Great Need for Asian or Tall donors 2475 E. Col orad o ' Pasadena TERRACE DINING CaitechlJPL Outiist Call NaneHe Bahl a' (818) 242-9933 Si~rr.:J Madre Blvu. & AIt:liJcna Free Parking in Rell r www.CI.:o.t.:allo.:l:h l:uu/ -l'l u/out IIs t.ht rnl Generous Compensation The only Vietnamese restaurant in Pasadena LUNCH SPECIAL $4.95 RIO GRANDE DINNER SPECIAL $6.50 Catering & Delivery (5 orders or more) MEDICAL you like Thai food, you ' ll love our Vietnamese Cui sine l Free Soft Drink with purchase and a student J.D . TECHNOLOGIES, INC. <[he barista bar at the ned Door eale is now open at On campus interviews Wednesday, February 18 ~:30am! RGMT is a rapidly growing bio-medical device company located in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We are developing a family of non-invasive monitors that measure blood glucose levels for diabetics, blood alcohol levels for law enforcement applications, and arterial blood gases for medical intensive care situations. }IIeed somethi"9 We are hiring: to warm !IOU on Q cold Still serving winter dAY? Software engineers - algorithms, device drivers, real-time systems, parallel SO".? fruit tfT!I 0 .... ' hot processing, operating systems and graphical user interfaces smootlties! apple cider! 'Visit our web page Mechanical engineers· mechanical design (AutoCAD modeling), finite element site at modeling, control systems and product design www.cco.caltech. • dw f· reddoor Electrical engineers - high perfonnance analog/digital circuit design, finnware development, control systems and digital signal processing Optical engineers - optical modeling, lens design and optical system design Information Session - Tuesday, February 17, 1998 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. SAC Room \3 }Jaw open '1:30am to 6 :00pm monday through Jriday Check with the Career Center to schedule an interview. February 13, 1998 FEATURES Th e Ca lifornia Tech 4 Crime and Incident Beat lqq8 by Anna Sims January 23, 1998 While on a mobile patrol, security A c,u' radio, valued at $180. was observed a white pickup parked in taken from a gmy Jetta that was the Business Services Bu ilding lot parked in the West Avery Lot. Vic Subject was sleeping in the vehicle. tim parked hi s vehicle at approx. Securit y obtained identification I :05 PM . He W,LS notilied that hi s from the subject. Subject W -big technology. Intc1ligtnt !~ programming environmtnls High speed digital inslfumenlS. NelCl gmtTalion suptrchips. And morr:. Terad~ IS your source for innovation. qUillity and kadtrstl1p in AUiomalic Ttst Equipmtnt. co mplex connection systems and LelKam muniolions imd software lest. Our abilny \0 bring the !T\OSI exciti ng products to market ~ncd more than iO years ago with the Introduction o(tt!t ~rst automatic diode lester. Since then. wt~ conlin\ltd \0 littlhe standard ·.'.·un products such as the first lCSlcr with leslCr-ptr-pin archi ttcture, the industry's first million-dollar ttsltT and the world's lar~ mosc compkK backplane. And ill! the wl'lik cOrrlinuing our ~xceJknc~ in innovatIOn rtcogmu:d by tM R 6.r D 100 award for tnc r!'\'O!utionary leSter de~ docking system. big customers. Whik wt can'l ~lbly namt them aU . v,-e htlp tcxby's Ic:admg elc:ctromcs compantes dth~r their products 10 a fast tIdYing market \Vhc:wr [IS 3utomolJvr ekct1Orlics. cellular phonts. Pes, o r computtr nttworks. Ttradynt is the: po'Ntt bc:hmd the products. We're a worldVoide presmct WOrking m p big possibilities. To ilJl en&lll«ring or bus,Ines,$ grad, Ttradynt tf:p~n1S the opportunity 10 gain real irwolvc:mc:nt on real pro;tct.s from clay one. As 500n as you join us. you will btntfi, flom an infomu.l cuhurt whc:rt CfUUvity and lc:3mwork p~il. Whc:thtr your specialty IS Sof!wart, Hardwart. Mtchanlc:al. or Apphallion Engmeenng or BuSlntSS, Terndync: pc:rfc:aly suits your background Wt N.\'t excltmg opponunni6 in aU our locations from Califomia to Boston, and even m!ernationally. not -so-big name To find OU I mort abou! Teradyne, 5c:e us on campus or St'nd your rtsume to. Tnadyne, Inc .. Atln: Unive rsity Rdations. WE'RE COMING TO YOUR CAMPUS SOON! 32 1 Harnson Ave ., Boston. MA 02118. O r e-mail See yo", placement office lor deloils . [email protected] An equal opponunilY employer. www . terad y ne . com Boston, MA • Nashua, NH • Deerfield, IL • Agoura Hill s, CA • Sa n Jose, CA • Wa ln ut Creek, CA • Dublin, Ireland· Kumamoto, Japan 13.1 998 Th e California Tech 5 ombucls thing is taking more than a display of :1thlctir.: ahility. ic:Jvice pre.... idcnts alluw member 10 draw place. Hi ~ oflil:er guide i~ donc. J ext week we'll meet with Secu room pick (:ards 5, hnm,c room pu.:b 6 rity, invite the MOS H lOour meeting and oc roolllpic~ It '~ Ihe same ue:11 m, la~t Geoff - He "didn '\ know he WJS have Pall Y Lee \.·ome to: dl!'('U~S Avery year, only you won't know your house pick before you d~ci(1c on Avery. ~ urr()sc d to he writing a guide.-' roomp ick:-.. We'll also interview for 1"00<.1 co mmittee chnir. Thi ~ is lilting since thc Avery pcopk go and Geoff (Dab The IHC mct with thc new hc~t lunch will he next week. That's it. ney) introdu(c!» our nex t topi!..: saying M OS H. di ~!.;ussc d off- campus ''I" m the only person at Caltech that picks prOl..:edurcs with some lflutes J anuary 29 Fchruary 5 doc.~n't care if people 11111 l1 :lked every Avery folks. and t VISit our website and stop by the Placement Office for details and si!1l up dates ffyouare pursuing a degree in: Electrical Engineering Physics Mathematics Computer Science •. . •...... we want to talk to you. Imagine working at a place where the discoveries of research are transferred directly into the devel opment of real-world applications, such as air defense, space surveillance, communications and air traffic control systems. An environment of vast resources where the advancement of technology and one's intelligence are highly valued . You might call it the opportunity of a lifetime - we call it MIT Lincoln Laboratory. StDp by our booth to meet our representatives at The 17th Annual Caltech Career Day, 1998 on feblUary 19, 1998. Office of Human Resources, MIT Uncoln Laboratory, Box CN98, 244 Wood Street, Lexington, MA 02173-9108. Fax: (181) 981-7086. Equal Opportunity Employer, MlFIDN., U.S. Citizenship Required . LINCOLN lABORATORY MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY ~~~------~:.:.:...-----,...... 6 February 13 , 1998 FEATURES 2. The Ice Storm Ang Lee's tremendously engaging fam with a superlative, hrutal1y honest lead female perfonnance, ADAM VILLANI: ily dr,l.Tll .. \ works on every revel. The hcautiful cnol New Virginic LeJoycn rlays ,1 young \\Ioman concerned with England wintcr landscapes surround a talc of real human work, relationships. and her own t"ulUrL' in Ihis innovative emotions, feature tilmcd nearly in r(,'-II time. MEDIA GUY 3. IWaborosiThi s little-seen. almost wordless Japanese film 10. The Pillow Book Like all Pcter GreellJway movies, portrays Q woman whose hushand unexpectedly cOlnmits thi s is an elahnratc. meticulously crafted talc or sexual ob.. suicide. Her coping with lo~s is shown not through plol or session, and like Ato11l Egoyan , his offering for this year 1997 Movie A dialogue. but Ihrough her relationship with her surround exhihits a heBer grasp or (he human ckrncnt than hi s pre We mJY he wel l into FehruJry 0[" 1998. but the hegin ings. vious film s without sacrificing his i Silicon Valley Internet Partners Silicon Valley Internet Partners (SVIP) was founded in April 1996 to be the pre eminent consulting firm providing innovation and insight in the digital HERE'S YOUR CHANCE marketplace. fO SECOME A SVIP is searching for leaders to join our team. We need individuals who have a PARr OF THE strong understanding of computing Efl REVOLUTION. technology, business analysis and graphic design, but also view technology as a vehicle for solving real business VISIT us Ar THE problems. We need self-starters who are FOUOWlNG unafraid of setting stretch goals for themselves and who thrive when things get risky, hectic or difficult. If you believe in fEaaUAJlY 19 yourself and enjoy a challenging and CAREER DAY stimulating environment, we would like to talk to you! SECHTEl.MAll llAM·3PM Information Session February 19, 1998 at Bechtel Mall nCHNICAL FEIRUAJlY 20 sUPPOIT INGJHEEI.S 11 :00-3:00 INTERvtf'NS Interview Session February 23, 1998 9:00 A,M.-4:00 P.M. FOR INTERVIEWS, PlEASE ~ UP AT Please E-MAIL resume and questions to [email protected] THE CAREER or visit our website www.svip.com SERVICES CENTER OR EMA.ll YOUR RESUME Syrin8 §arcfen Cninese 'Restaurant Mandarin & Szechwan Cuisine - Best in Town" WE DELIVER!! for meetings, parties, etc. (S50 minimum) ELECTRONICS FOR IMAGING LEADING GENERATIONS We specialize in CATERING with a variety of PARTY TRAYS. TO THE NEXT MILLENNIUM WITH THE POWER OF COLOR Call us for details' 10% discount (626) 796-2531 www.efi.com on dinner with 187 N. Sierra Madre Blv,d. Callech /D. Pasadena, CA 91107' -The Ca1ifin"/l;a Tech February 13 . 1998 7 Help yourself when it's time for your job interview BY BRYCE E NGELRRECIIT higher?". Some compani es aren't even unless we tell you ex l'OIKe rn ~ d with your GPA- whL'1l you pl ic itl y otherw ise. Want ajob? Chances aflo! YOll will be w~l k away from four years at Ca h ~c h with Bel ieve il. and you int er \'kwiJ1~ on campus if you do. \Ve il diploma in your hand . you ' \ ' C answered won't ~hoot you rse lf were Tcc hers (ollce upon a til1lc. )-now we an y qucsti ons they Tn3Y ha ve had about in th e foot with poor sit at th e oth er end of th e inte rview table-. yo ur abilities, preparation . Use what we It'll you belll\\, anti you will Sell yoursc lf by being. 1llL'lllOrable. Kn ow th e com sign ificantly improve your dlan('es of get When we as interviewers walk away from pany you're inl er ting your foO( in the door for that job YO ll a full day of int(:f\'iews. wc may be shelv vit:'wing wit h. You really wanl. ing reSl1lllL'~ and intt'rview notes until the don '( have to knnw Give yourself an 'H.lvanlagl' in til e be following w~ek or even later. especially if the l'mnpany's fiscal ginni ng by signing tip for an ea rly inter relTuilillg is not our primary responsibility, hi $iO ry fur the la~t view ~ lut. Most inte rview schedules rlln To c(lunlL'ractt he possibility uf you r impres ~cv('1l yea rs -.i ll~1 bl: fro m nine in the 1llorning tu fi\ '~ in the sion t'auing with passing days. lake: advan familiar wi th tilly l it~ even ing. and Y(l ur be st play b to gl!! in tage of oppl)rtunities h) explllll1d your qu al i era tUl'e they provide before the latef afternoon start:.. around ties and (,'011\'(;)' some charisma. Let us kllOW to the CDC. ana defi three. Any int erviewer will be.: tired by that you are an interesti ng person \"lith 111tH..:h ni tely spend a few the end Oflhc uay-illlagine re peating the to olr~ r our company, Unles:-. a one-page minutes or more vis ~ same cOllversation lip III fuurt een times. re sume accu- iting thei r web site, if back to back. all in one day. Put )"Ol ll· ,clf rately Llt:scribes th ey havL' one. There in th ~ l!l1viuble position ofha\'ing all alert. eve rythi ng YOll Groom is tWlhing Illore I'rm:· intere~tt:u intervicwer hy gr~lbbil1g him/her \V ~ Ult us to know yourself tra ting: to an inter earl y. A-:. inte r \' i cw('r~. we're prone to about you, you "inver than a cand i won der about the foreth ought of later have to step up An unkempt date with no c lu e int er,,; ewec~. We come il1 lo Ihe lale in and telius about abollt the company tervi ews with less enthusiasm un d greater \Vhnl I11 tl ke s you appearance he/she is intervie\\,- expectations of the candidate- we' re less a good candi makes you ing with. It's in excusable and YOli should viewer-whose task is to u~ciu~ wbether apt to facilitate when we're tired. and we date. be embarrassed if YOll show lip so unpre you arc someone that hi ~/ h er company have immediare concerns abOlIl the per G r () () m immediately pared. It 's a good bet that if a company might be interested in hiring, Clear. di son who is willing to look at ouropportu yourself. An left some literature, they wam you to pick ret.:( communication is ke y-stern. sharp nit y only aft er they finish th e rest of the ir unke mpt ap- questionable it lip and read it. You need to be clear on responses make you look like you're de day. Do yo urse lf a fa vor and get in earl y pC Matrox professionals will be on hand to speak with yo u about our company and opportunities in our growing industry. If you 're unable to attend but would like further information, please forward your resume to: Mltrox. Attn: Humin Resouro ••. 1075 Broken Sound PlrkwlY. Bool Reton, Fl 33487. Fa x: (561) 998-2684. E-mail : illduk.~murox.oom . Visit our web site at: www,matrox,CDm. MallOM EqUII Opponllnity Employer, 8 February 13, 1998 The Cal/finn ia Tech • about it. Think ab:xrl IDlnlng B ;;:ompany Wtl";f € an)'Ort8 Wittl a good Idea can c hange ttllngs Wt"ler e you 11 00 In... ol ·~'?::1 Wltn a n I mp( eSS I '~ 'i? or€ad1h 01 tech nolo9,' fro m ,.011' d ,;:s Jd op ,,'(Irk st ation to e ra,' ~up€r C' ornp ut ers. . ana encoura92.d to take ns~ s Wh€ft3 CrEatl V1 t ~,. Is par am oum and thE techno lo g y spans from Interactive 3D g-aphiCS Olgltal mea a RiSe m.cro p roc e ~D rs and &: ala ~ t3 Eh ~€ ,j I'Ttamor)l multJp-oOO'Sslrtg. The conpan)' IS Silicon Or aph!:s Ca: On-Campus Interviews Fnday, February 20th You may -eo . mall 'jC4.Jr resum e to ' ca ree rs (('{~ S9 (-cffi or mall Sil icon Grap1lcs. lnc . Staffing. P a Box 731 3 M ount.aln Vie"" CA 9 4039 · 731 3 Fe< more IntormatK) fl 00 Silicon G(~i1IC; see us: at '#J!I,'IJ !:g ccm ~ SiliconGraphics -- ""'("1$ ~! .T .- •• r,fJ1rv -8-1 ! ~'4X (: ,.. ... ~.f ~ ·ol ...:.~J (-'fV J ·,tt. PA A D ENA IS FAMOUS FOR MORE THAN JUST THE ROSE BOWL Committed to Excellence, Free Support. Since 1988 We dre comm itted 10 gIving you d hgh quality, reliable system All systems die dssembled by us light here dt our headqudrteL Qudlity control is strict with every system being tested dn d burned·in 72 hours bef()(e delivery. All systems come wrth d one yedl CdrrY 'ln parts and labor wal!dnty, no Qut:stions dsked . And our service personnel dre trdrned to prow..ie techniCdI SUppOH at no charge to you Siltisfaclion GUlriintee I Most of our customers have been with us fOl d long time. We do ali we Cdn to mdke sure your,e hdPPY. If for dny redson you have d problem with your system, we offe, d 30 d dY money bd c~ gUdrdntee & 1 yedl wdrrdnty covering pdrts dnd Idbor We dlso hdve d GE 3 yed< dddiliondf wdrrdnly & Action Cdll Softwd< e support membership dVdildble dS d dn option. About Pilsildenil Computer Center. Pdsddend Comput er Center is 1000ted in PdSddend, CA wi th brdnches in New York. With dlmost ten yed" in the indu5tlY, Pdsddend Computer Center ledrned how to serve its customers well. Some of our repedt customers indude the J et Propul sion Ldbordtories (JPL) , GTE, U .s. Post dl Service, Rockwell, Pdci fic Bell, UCLA, USC, Los Angeles Unified School Dis tri ct , C dltech, Edwdrds Air Force Bdse, Kdiser Permdnente, C dl Stdle LA dnd mdny community colleges . No mdtter if you're looking (Of d computer to use dt home or d hundred computers for {he office you'll get the qUdlity dnd service you expect. ~nMI#f/JiPlIl!" ~ Mc.J.... r-., c_ , > III- 1_ c .. ~ ../'i"JOw :> well... "" vx c.....,.., wI ~ljl rQI P,,,..j,,,,.C,,,,k > r"l ri I,d ..... 30lX 0 .. ",., wI~19[(Jl I'opcI.n. C.doc > lo" el l"r .... VXO-'. wlsr9I:l1p~C.tI\C '" \,.,.1 T",,,,, VX C ...... , wi':. I 2(8 P~ BIOI! C > Co ;> 1 QMiI """'''''''Y.... ' , .. t 98Mil ;-'."I.w..!LlCiB [lOL lio.d Do ... ~It ", 1"... 1. Pod /Jo,,', H~,I, If< 1 ~. f..,."", >/f;;i.l.J!'.!(JX(Q~ > w,~o~r.,~", MPli! ( ~ COmpUTER rBI8lJ68 -I088 '" 160, ~ L ..d. 1IIl..,.,.)., ...... ::."""~ pnsnOEnn ,. rwo PC NIC.LA II .. u.... ,"'(.MU/\ :11 1756 E. Colorado 81., Pasadena, CA. 911 06 (West of Allen Ave) rm 181 8]568-0439 ,. NoM R.." .. ,. C .. ·,e... , PEN7IUM 200MMX $2500 I PENTIUM 166MMX $2395 ~~t:::....*:"!;=1OtcnclC_"m.J~=~~J=:!1,,'~~~IS~t)"~~":"':i~s..... ~~o,.ctlO ' ''''IO I 10v,- '100> \ft-r y M~c.-h V fh Pf1 V ~ I"'h~~~ D.il I-op ilot ? MD- To Q vex ~ good +,;eJJ..d of me. . Come \u ""'j voo",", @ liJ:UV p",,> llmpe.. yO\) read +his. .2)1 3/Q'15 _ -fbv a.., -:Ivett: p,e- Vo..\.er.-'<0~ -!w'o.. -I NC , ' I , Ph leG" ~. L"s+ "'<::,I>t, you wu~ 10<1 ,,411. e; ~E' 'PultR. - n: <"r \n (..'('" Q..6,bl(.. (,.J, \ l I q"vt..V" VA L- €-ov-n IV£ l Ai _ rilDM hr' ""B£ '" 1n:~El:) Bi ~ YOUR... ~NA BhAe $ ""a\0.. , \oJ; \\ ,." be f'II'j ".. \,,,+i M! ~ 10 February 13 , 1998 The California Tech COMICS DI LBERT ® by Scott Adams FoxTrot by Bill Amend CL"SS. LAST YEA.R 1 IT SEEME D SoME of 'Too W61 E So 1).115 YEAR, I wANT You of CooIiSE, 1\o1 IS WE. HAVE I SU:;GEST THAT A PRo8lEM WITH THE WAY GETTING LoTS of CAI(QSWIl!l£ To BRING Ef"IOUGH CARDS fQfl M,t,.,. 1!'lTR0DocE To GIVE YOU DE.Al WITk E TI-l,A.NI<.5 FOR RULING ~ UNOER5TA..NO;; Tl-\E VALENTINE 'S OAt CAIi!05 o1\i E ~ W£RE GETIING V[li?l ALL of louR CLASSMATES. ANoTHER SoRT CARDS To WERE 6£IN(; Ex T't"UNI( ABooT IT, JA.SoN 'You KNow, 'You "H, THE -m,NCo, JAsoN 15 tT MY IMAGINATION l'V( It=" WE JuST GAVE ll-iEM Tb ""'0 1 SINGliNG I'LL SAY To SToP." OK.A.Y , BUT NoT OR AM 1 GETTtNG DECIDED '!'HE PEoPu WE LIkED, lTD EAOo/ o'fHEI? o!)T SNAG A niAT'S" STAY AWA,Y ME. BE AWFull'Y EMSARASSIN&. IN SUCH AN CHocoLATE FIRE EX IT' TO ~E A 5E~ IEf'- EIJEf'-~ D"-~? FROI"'\ oBVIOUS WAY. PuDDING CUP. (. SUPE R - \ KRWTONlTE . MODEL. " "'EANW>UL(, AT FASHION DO you HAVE ~EADQUARTERS ... A.NY "S[lLY PUD'Y" I CAN WE GOT "WA~ W!T~ u SE. A'S A I=/\KE ' ~EROtN C~IC. " BEA.VTY WHAT'S r-----~I t"\A.RK. ? I SUPPoSE WE PREFER OUR JASoN, I DoN'T f---F_A--,S,--H--,Ic:O_N_H:.::£c:A~DQ=-U=-A-"R-,-T:.::E_R:::5---13 1 CAN "OD A. FEW lHlNk 100 uNOER · ~~W:'::T~~ t COULD SUPER MOOE LS TO , MORE. IT'S :rUST ST.lNO HoW FIFlli WHAT v [; J CAN I WRITE 5/. Do II o YOU COULD I'>E OUR NEn So SHE Worn IN CoDL. LOOK UN>l ERLT~~ , j "S lLL~ PUTT~." GRADE RoMANCE Do ~ SUPERMOO(L . 1 LOV( : WoRkS. roo Tl-IINK r TH,t..T MIGiiT IN A SEXY wA~ . T\4E TUMOP-.. " M£4N? likE HER?' BoY !VIE 5<:lME IT'S " ~ NO , IT WOULD BE l iME. I BE.AUTY ,o , tA.5Y TO OVERDO \ MARK. , THAT SO>\T ,-D. ~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~======: 'ii'~~~ DOG5ERT Tl-\E 5UP'ERMOOEL THE.R(.'S NOTHING i WOW! QUICl<.,! GE.T SE~ IER ,~AN .. S>lORT, ~ ,HI5 ME A BIG. 'fDUIl. HR5T ~55rGNi"'\ENT ROUNO GUY 1'1 BLACK 1 WORI<5 ! BLO C\(, OF rCE IS A LING(R1E SHOOT . SOCKS . TO SIT ON! YOU'lL BE WEAR.ING . 1 j ~';" j ~~~ ~ ~===~ I SWEAR, IF .AJ...L THIS EMPt'ASIS oN 1 "EALIZEO THAT j 1 OlDN'T >\EALIZE 8 VALENTINE'S lc:NFl"OoIJ£'!' NotoIWi~ ... : W>-IR T'S INSlDE A i '/OU WERE SUC>1 .. OA.'r NEVER EXCHANGING CAROS._ FINO, ; PER-SON DOESN'T 1 PHILOSOPHER. CoMES AGAIN, IN'G OUT Wl'fO l IkES W'HoM. • IT'll 8{ Too THIS VAlENTINE GuY ~ COUNT I3ECAU5E NO SooN FoJl ME. MVST'VE BEEN SoME ~ ONE CAN SEE IT. ! SoR'loF SADISTf ~I------~ JED WING IS, A SExY, SEXY MAN. Ou don't need a genie to get your hands On one of the best student VISA cards around, All you need is Caltech Employees Federal Credit Union. Your wish for your own VISA Y card can come true if you're a CEFCU member and meet our basic qualifications: -Full-time student with a minimum of 12 units -Minimum monthly income of $150 - r8 years of age or older With proof of registration, monthly income and no derogatory or excessive credit, we'll grant the following VISA limits: $500/Freshmen· $600/Sophomol'5 - $700//uniors - $800/Seniors • $1,OOO/Grad Students. So don't wait any longer for your VISA wishes to come true. Establish your credit history with the Credit Union by cal ling today for our short application and get the credit you deservel!! Main Office: 528 Foothill Blvd . • La Canada Flinlridge, CA 91011 • (800) 592 ·3328 · (818) 952-4444 · FAX (818) 952-4382 Campus Office: 1200 E. California Blvd . • CIT 15 -& • Pasadena, CA 91125 • (&2&) 395·&500 • FAX (&2&) 568-9536 NCUA All deposits federall y insured to $100,000 by the Nalional Credit Union Administration, a U.S. government agency. The California Tech February 13. 1998 11 "The most technologically sophisticated firm on the Street."· D. E. Shaw & Co ., L.P. is a global investment bank whose activities focus on the intersection of tech nology and finance. Our staff includes a disproportionate number of the world's leading computer scientists, systems architects, and software engineers. Although we've grown into a financial powerhouse in the nine years of our existence, with aggregate capital now well in excess of $1 billion, we've retained a start up company's appreciation for demonstrably superior talent. If you have an expert knowledge of distrib uted object-oriented or database computing on Windows NT or UNIX platforms, you may find that your talents will serve you better on Wall Street than in Silicon Valley. For more information about the company, please visit our Web site at www.deshaw.com. We invite all candidates interested in interviewing with D. E. Shaw & Co. on Friday, February 20 to send a resume, including CiPA and standardized test scores, to the attention of Ms. Raina Bien ([email protected]) by Tuesday, February 17. D. E. Shaw & Co. will be hosting an information session in Watson 104 at 7:00 PM on Thursday, February 19. D. E. Shaw & Co. , L.P. is an equal-opportunity employer. ' Fortune, February 5,1996. ~ 0.;>4 -~, ".. CS:'i\'I!#lJCt ~-.r- ._ , ".~ -. 12 February 13, 1998 The California Tech ship offen, work in admini:-trati\'l'- or Annou ncements cxcl"ut ive orncc:- of Cali fornia aPJ>CI_ ( Mints ) lat e ur trialt·oun!>. There i~ Ill) prdcrrcd majur. Ap r1i ca nt ~ mu ~ t have rl'(dv("'d Tht~ ATM. fo rmc rl y lot:ah:: tl outside * denotes a new announcement. their B.S. by Augll~1 19tJ 7_ ~c1ll1 ws Win nett. has hcclllllo\'cd Lluring (;o n earn ;1 1110nthly ~ t i relHj of S 1707 fllrt he stru(;tionto the c ntrant:cway of Chan C('llIc r lounge. This i.'i 'l l'onJidcnli'll fe /low.\hip in lhe biomediclJ sdcnn·. .... County. Dt:ilulinc: March I. I tJ9X . I I month s or tilL' program. T hL' appli_ Lllcr (in a little hallway J ust ~o uth of meeting anti docs not imply anything Application deauline is February 15 th. FAR t'atio]) dcauli nc i ~ April3. 19lJS. PICil". or 2) will hl' heiLl 0 11 Thur"L1;l y~ from Fch gi neering. and Illu st be applying fo r ei students who arc enro ll ed in a ogram Sdmlar~hip applic:.ltiuns for ItJ9!-i-99 ruary 12th \0 fvt:.m:h 121h in Dabney leading [0 a bilt'heJor's degree in ~c:i TACIT present s H enry V in Ramo ther their lasl year a ~ an undcrgraduau! The GaylLesbianIBisexual Discus sion G roup meets on the li n.;! and th ird Tuesdays of each month from The UniverSity of Kentucky Medical 7:30 1'.111 .. unlil 10 r .m. in the Heallh Center is offering a summer research DABNEY FORMS BUFF SPORTS LEAGUE THE My DRIPPING PISTOL Wing is a sexy, sexy man) feeble. unpf1l11ed nerd brain. Insta nt Pisces rii'Q1 3/20: This will die of a heart attack this edented bloodiness. Avoid I .<;Iilll.':ln'\ g~'1 (j\!,.'rillat olle ni ght .. arou~al. lire in my groin. I blushetl ripe week will finally bring an end week. On the up side, it will Velveeta in general, but es Ih " Illemuril.'~ of nwny CO J1~ccuti\ c ~ \\ d is red and llllerc.d "U-uh ... yeah. I-I W;lIIt tn anJ surge ... of ~illful pli:a,UI"c Ihal tr:t\'e r ~e tl fu c ~n ' go wild no w. I l.I o n·t give a :-hit no to your life-long bitter loneli be during sex. On the down pecially this month, and es Illy hoJ) ... (lll. a nJ lilalla!-tl l'hm /'- . ~ THE 5IEVOwnONARY ( - ~ --~ .~. .:...... ( - PAPER OF THE GW5IIOUS DEMOCRATIC PEOPlE'S REPUBllC VOL U ~l E XCIX. N U\11lER 4 REI)\\OODS . C,\1.1roR'I1A IN THIS ISSUE IN THIS ISSUE The Editors House News PAGE 3 ""ai,,, of the Sloan Dabney Drop Day Statue Manifesto! Munth Madness EI Nuno Crashes OPI, To all 'yal l out in For eons past. they ask. Well , all bribes will Cal tech Stays to Ten Places the Cal tech-Land, clouded your minds with be paid I n full. We Ricketts Hovse Down in the Student the duplicities of quan promi se. Just give us Party Activities Center, there tum mechanics. and beat some time to "balance" Treasury Money have been some cata you repeatedl y w ith the Tech accounts. Be P AGE 4 Went clysmic upheaval s over Apostol and a Mechani yond that, we promise to the. .past few weeks. The cal Universe until your bring yo u a qua li ty Dabney Snow Fun: Grand Orchestrators of spirits were shattered and Product of the Revolu Inuit Freedom Day 7 the California Tech have numb. We come to throw ti on every week. Every moved on to th at Bi g off you mental shackl es few weeks or so. usuall y Sc urves Groove at in the Herd Printing Press in the and end your period of whe n o ur GPA' s a re Apac he 's Tales of Eros and Sky. while new, sli ghtl y bondage to the lab bench. feeling a bit egoti stical less divine. beings were We come bearing enli ght- and try to crawl out of crus hed by the Big enment and joy in print. the Publicati ons O ffi ce PAGE 5 Proper Alt of Printing Press Fall ing We come bearing Dilbert Gravity We ll , we w ill Declaration of Inde Having Desert'· From the Sky. This ush to laugh at our oppressors brin g you an extra-extra ered in a new Golden and dispell the demons of special People's Paper pendence Top Ten Reasons Age for the Publications stupidity. We come with featuri ng projections of Office. The best of the one once of them , but the sexually repressed, Why Lisa Biswal PAGE 6 past were back for more who has seen the li ght: naked Darbs, and other Could Kick punishme nt, a nd the The Devio us Dean of stuff the administration Hovse Election Re Jeremiah Smith's best of what was left Delusion. wi ll try to expel us for. sui ts sacrificed their soul s We are your new edi- Yes , we wi II put o ur Ass and as yet unborn GPA's tors: the good, the bad, asses on the line (and Kohl on ASCIT Elec- Exploring New on a towering pyre of the foolish and two ran- sometimes in the paper) ti ons dam seniors we found on for the benefit of th e Levels of Lame- newsprint. Straggling Submis- Who are these in the street. "But it 's not Revoluti on. Why? Be ness trepid spirits behind this third term yet," you say. cause we love each and slon fine journalistic master "Those pathetic foo ls we everyone of you, just piece, you ask? elected don' t take office like Barry Simon. And P AGE 8 We are the leaders of until third term." This if we don't we may 6 and Tricks from The People's Revolu may be so, but the former never see our precIOus Old Fashioned Love tion! We are the bring editors, in a supreme ges souls again. Song the Safety Office ... e rs of power and an ture of sadism, decided to What is thi s tripe do Including "Safer amusing Inside World to actually pass some ing in the newspaper, the common Teche r! classes this term, making you ask ? We are the Sex from Safety" We are the overthrowers way for the future bound new editors, we· will of the opressive facists wave of the People ' s feed you this tripe, and S COREBOARD and the capitalists pi g Revolution I you will complain o o dogs I We shall come "So, now that you're incessently about it un o down with fire and in office, what do I get til we see fit to give you o brimstone and ponder besides fire and brim more. Some traditions 2 ous fury to smite thee, stone and ponderous fury, are worth kee ping, 6 -I thou student-oppres which sounds strangely Revolution or not. sors! like Ch3a at 8 a.m.?" you 2 _2_7 _Fe_b_n_la~r)~' _19_9 _8 ______~~A11SSIlJ1VS ______T_HE_ , '_N_SI_OI_, V_V_O_HI,! Sam Scurve: This Week's The Case of the Sloane Statue Horrorscopes The sunlig ht streamed in fiberli cious bli ss. th e in side. This was hi ghl y sus Aries 3/2 1-4120: You will nar peace and a - beckoningly like a w afn ~ iron "What'lI it be. Shirl ey?" picioll s, since. although I was rowly mi ss being hit by a bu s n ~\V will to li ve. Ju st theil, a that 's been plu gged in too long. Arby ex plical ed in my general run nin g away from th e zombi e thi s week. freak (Juan ) EI Nino cau sed gust M~ y b e even a Belgian waffle direction. in a panic, I di stinctl y remeJ11 · However, in swerving to l11i ss of wind Iron. It arouseu me from my "Just some hash. And don't ber boltin g out side, not in side. I you it wi ll slow down bel ow 50 \v ill cali se YOll 10 lose your b.lI. reveri e. to say nothing of my call me Shirley." I replied. I'm muttered a few indi stinct re mph and bl ow an ce and fall to your bl Oody seventh inauspcioll s masturba really morc of a stew or broth lIIark s under my breath. a nd. up, killing you and everyone in death helow: ti on for th e ni ght. Ri ght on cuc. (or broth el. for that matter) man un loc kin g th e door. I we nt ill. it. as you tumble gracelessly to the too. since at that point my door myself, bUI Arb y's slill of the - I really should have opencd bott omlhe irony of th e situ at ion opened. and \vhal should I sec persuasion thaI "pea soup" is a the door as well . bul. he y. more Taurus 412 1-5120 : This week will but a dro p-d ead gorgeous comma nd in the impe rati ve pressing issues were at slake. As you will sink to such d e ptl~ of fi ll you with th e billcr hatred and blonde. who suddenl y dropped vO ice. I lost ye t another door-frame to sexual fru stratio n thai se nds you to dead. g org eo u ~. Perhaps this is "We're out of that # %@#." my Adoni s-type physique, I no depravit y that a pyro- necrpo Hell. 11 good place to introduce my Arby sworc, showin g off hi s ti ced the blonde zo mbie puffing beastophiJe who al so rapes se lf. The name\ Sam Scurve. command of lan guages (like on a cigarette on my couch. II blind Libra 9/21- 10 /20 : Gi ve uJl on the I' m a pri vate eye. Ada and Perl ). "How about a almosl looked like a perfectl y quadrapalegic midgets in th e eye psychi c friends. You and I both Now. had th e in c id e nt few carrots? O r maybe a Ili ce normal scene - except that she socke ts w ill tra ve l halfway kn ow occured at the offi ce, it would ampersand ?"' had one eyebal l mi ssing from its around that anyone wh o could reall y ha ve been nothing to sneeze al. I was not amused . The day soc ket. the world just to tell you how read your mind would ne ve r be But. because I was home at th e so rar had been quite cantanker Eventuall y, th e cigarett e repulsed he is by your acti ons. your frie nd . time. I sneezed at it. Or maybe ous. I had a massive cankersore roll ed from the couch onto the Don't let becau se I was naked. I took a in my mouth , and Eddie Kantar fl oo r. Hec k. any cylindrical ob that sway you from th e tru e ar Scorp io 10/2 1- 11 12 0: Sunday gooel. long, hard stare at th e' was still writing bridge column s. jec t will do that if yo u put it on ti stic vision of the movie you' re ni ght. you will formul ate an im corpse. and bri efly wondered To make things worse. my au a couch and bl ow on it hard directi ng. plausible whether I should take up necro th or was sick and tired of writ enough. In an y case. necrophil ia th eory to explain some bizaare philia. I th en hri efl y wondered ing c heap ill1ilaei ons or hard or not. I dec ided that I prefcred Gemini 512 1-6/2 0: In a c ru el occurcnces. Further improhable wheth er I should put on so mc boiled d c t ~c ti ve novels and was my females with an even nUIll tw ist o f fat e, your reckl ess, evenlS briefs. Finding l11 y~e lf in a brief liable to lapse into inane ses ber of eyeball s. so I took out a devil-may-care will substantiate your theory. instance of wittiness. I soulfully sions of non sequiturs ilny lime shotgun and blasted off th e oth er life wi ll be abruptly cut shon thi s Unfo rtunate ly, your pa rtner decid ed to take the Coolidge no\\'. cyeball. week whe n you slip on th e Ol Scull y still approach, and, to make a long And hOWl If onl y ruthe It is a curious but litt le ive Wa lk won' t beli eve you. slory short, put on some boxer niulll we re metallic, I might kn own fact that if you tak e a Death Pebbl es and fracture your short s. ha ve had a chan ce at registering heavy firearm (li ke a shotgun ) sku ll . Saggitarius 11 /21 - I 2120 : Hav As I was ado rning some the recall noti ce, but as th e might and shoot it at a roughl y spheri ing work ed hi s way down his mo re garme nt s, the alleged was still some what less th an the cal objcct (lik e a head ) that is Cancer 6/2 1-7/20: People Maga li st, President cO Il'se started to groan. I took combincd attitucies of the diplo pi vo ted on a relati ve ly weak zine will declare you til e "Sexi C linto n will ask fo r oral .sex anOlher look. and much to my mat s, il was a l o~ t cau se for th e poinl (like a neck). th en the ob cst Man Ali ve" from you thi s week. chagrin, di scovered that I had British. Yet th ere was still a jec i wi ll recoil TOWARDS th e thi s week. Every one will get a mi s dia g n o~e d : th e blonde was large pile of junk mail Wailing bullet. and not with it. L"e good lau gh ill that joke, then you C"pricorn 12/2 1-1120: You have not, in fact. dead, but rather one to be tra versed. I cou ldn 't wait , Harvey Oswald probably kn ew will a unique yet undeniable appea l. of th ose supernatural zombie but I couldn ' t deny that Ih ere it , and now I k new it too. consider yo ur di smal, patheti c Unfortunately, it 's 11 0 t recog· likc monsters. I briefl y won wasll'( some kernel of di sgui se As } was /l O W safe and life. ni zed because it 's hidden by th e dered whether th e definiti on of about Ih e whole thing. so und in my house. I had no fact that " nec ro phi lia " stuipulated Fortunately. th e non sequi cases pending, and there were no Leo 7/2 1-8120 : The psyc hot ic your roommate is it sexy, sex y "strictly de ad" o r pe rhaps lUr session only lasted for a mere longer any sex-crazed zombi es man who wil l murder you in man . merely "not alive but perhaps paragraph, and J was sOO n back storming my house (althou gh I your sleep thi s undead ," when my amygdala to my regular. jovial self. Ever apparently sti ll had a bad case week will anally rape your still Aquarius 112 1-2/20 : This wee k decided th at il Wa, time to panic notice how Jupiter never see ms of hyperbole), it was about time warm dead body. If you could you will see but unfortunately and run away in terror. to smile? I decided that it was to bring the narrati ve to an end . ha ve held ignore all An hour later. I found my hi gh time I got back to the apart Fortunately, al l the violence had onto li fe for a few more seconds, th e obvious signs of th e comin g self in th e South House Pantry. ment, especiall y since I didn't occured in my own home. It ' d yo u wou ld nOI have had to die a apocalypse, fooliShl y di smi ss staring across a counter-top at want to get Arby in volved in yet be mu ch more comp li ated if the virgin. ing th em as Arby th e Darby. Arby's a short anoth er case of min co Even sup same incident had happened in effects of (laun) EI Nin o. ord er cook: most break fa st fare porting characters should take a Millikan Pond: to say nothing Virgo 8/21-9/20 : Just when it he can't cook worth a scrambled break once in a while. except thi s clau se about what I seems like things aren' t exaclly Pi sces 2/21-3/20 All of your egg. but ord er a pai r of short s Sirangely enough , I found was doin g naked in Millikan wonderful sui cide attempts th is week wi ll and you' ll soon be dining in that my door was bolted from Pond , such an incident wou ld and nothing matters an ymore, fail , have definite ly appeared, for when you are perched on that because that's j ust the type of better or for worse, in th e public cliff patheti c. in competcnt loser yOU Top Ten Places the Ricketts eye. As I' ve said, I'm a pri vate cont emplatin g the jagged rocks are. eye. below, you will find an in ner Hovse Treasury Money Went 10. Rob Saliba's crack fund WHAT THE EDITlJRS DID TlJ BRING 9. The fund to build a giant shade over campus to block out the sun 8. Dave Blau's porn collection THIS ISSUE TlJ YlJU! 7. "What are we going to do with the Ricketts treasury money tonight, Brain?" "We're going to do what we do every night; Pinky! TI)' to take over the world!" 6. Rik's hair dye 5. The treasurers have determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg's principle, it could be any ---", I where in the universe CiIr .. F~ so J Il. SA , :5 ~ ;:;: } 1, ' - ',1C+f AI~ \i(\5.: l orAl '--._-- I 4. Shay's using it to bribe the dean so he won't have to take 'll)' .. ilf l' 01 ur.trr $ ~ O ll TH E ' Chern 3a next term 3. The computer lost it. No, really .. 2. The fund for building a giant phallus in the courtyard if the administration takes away the pot I. I'd tell you, but then Don Casteel would have to kill you. (Ileedec If oroppmg reQ".J,retfCOUl5t!S! HOVSENEWS Dabney Drop Munth Madness Day Party! Last Saturday, the Munthers to th e graduation party lasl year This would not be such an again put together a great party as the first party that was sh ut annoyance if thi s guy could be This year, the Dabney Drop have i.l week to concoct more de' pite the presence o f down by a spec ific "someon e" reasonable. We all respect hi s Day Part y is descending to a c ra zy ideas for designing. con Pasadena's Finest. (And. no, in the apartment co mplex across ri ght to relati ve peace and qu iet, new kind of low. Not low as in st ru cting. and engineerin g a I'm "Oi rea ll y bitter that I th e street. This indi vidual, who as we respect the rights of all of last yea r" s moral corruption in com p letely foreign e n vi ro n showed up ju,t in time to clean obviousl y has nothing better to ou r neighbors. Prior to each pri son. or in th e previoll s ye ar's menl. up. ) First, the stats. then the do with hi s time on Saturday party. the neighbors are notifi ed hellfire, but low as in .. the op ranting. nights than harass people who of th e impending event , and pos ite of high."' We're goi ng The social event of the sea are ha ving fun, has consistent ly given contact numbers of party below th e surface, under the son featured three levels of mu cal led earlier and earlier in at organi zers ( 0 ca ll in case th e courtyard. down the tubes, into sic and dancin g. OJ Zoot (Rob tempts to rid hi s preciolls ai r noise does get high. No one the sewers. We like sewers be C resswell ) and OJ Nym (An space of the noise. The Munth excepl thi s individual has had cause they have everything you th ony Molin aro) spun jun gle and parl y firsr term received its first any substantial proble m wi th the coul d ever hope for: c la ustro drum + bass in th e basement. visit from the poli ce fairly early parties. (Munth's closest neigh phobi c corners, wide-open res which was decorated with cag es in the night. but due to th e le bor actually commented th at ervoirs, wt'i rd chemi cal s, tons of and black li ghts. The li vin g niency of the officers. the party they wish that more were lrash , ornery wi ldlife. and WA room featured the musica l was not shut down until fifteen thrown: according to them, we TER . However. your typ.ical stylings of the Danny Grissett minutes from th e official end of study too much I) Even one of sewer usually lacks hypnotic Quartet, a jazz band. as well as the party. Thi s time , th e the police officers who arrived music , dancing cages, and nifty OJ Ny m with hi s selection of Munthers were not so lucky. to shut down the pal1y described lig hting, all of whi c h we are acid jazz. Party goers were This teml's event was much qui thi s gentleman'S behavior as un planning on providing in some treated to a half hour set by th e eter than last term's; ajazz band reasonable . Mr. Tolerance an d form or another. Bl acker House official heavy was playin g in stead of a rock Congeniality paid a visit to Kim Fa, all you who mi ght be metal mu sician "Ace," who band, and the Munthers sound West during the last day or so, w~ rr yin g ab o~lt pro~er att ire, inventing suc h a sc heme is to seems to be out to prove to the proofed th e rooms that were with th e apparent goal of ban thin k fo r a minute. 'Dabney, create an atmosphere that awak worl d that CS majors can occa open to guests. Despite the large nin g future parties at Munth. I proper?" Just remember, this is ens something in the back of sionally be pretty bad-ass dudes. redu ction in noi se, th e party was While Ms. West, to her credit, a sewer. As for our mus ic, Dul- your head that assert s, "No, I'm The attic featured th e "Munth shut down around midnight, or did not completely buy his story. ,ide we' ve got OJ Nym, OJ Zoot not at Caltech. No, I'm not at Party Resid ent OJ" Foley (Chris approximately two hours earlier she could not be completely on Ian d guests spinning techno, and Caltech," th en, gradually, "I AM Foley, '96) spinning techn o! than it was last term. At a cost the side of the students either. inside we' ve got Wall Pocket in a sewer. I LIKE being in th e trance, with beating lights and of around $ 1800 per party, a re Unl ess thi s guy decides to take and Spacer 5378 providing live sewer. The re is no such thing as laser effects. Unfortu nately,just duction of two hours of party hi s vacat ion overseas the week amb ient noise. As a reminder, work , onl y swe lling, pulsing, as the party was gettin g into fu ll time results in a substantial ef end of the next Munth party, ac lradi ti onall y Dabney's panies floating sound and light. swing, the po li ce c ame and fect ive loss of mo ney. Why cept some kind of payoff, or are dry, and this one is no ex- Mmmmmm." We' ll be amused, broke it up. spend th e money and go to such move, we do not foresee a you mi ght be too. This is not the first time that lengths if the party is not going Munth party actually going to Munthers have had problems to last past the evening line-up completi on any time soon. like this. Upperclassmen point of eighties sitcom reruns? El Nino Crashes OPI, Caltech Stays to Party Some times the worst hap from Page, and Bumout (a.k.a. " G lom Song" but those who pens. In th e rainy weeks before The Crazy Drunk Band, a.k.a. stayed late were rewarded by an OPI, the people building and encore performance at three am. preparing for it had (some of The dance music was an them) visions of rain pouring excellent mix of rap, hip-hop down on the twenty-first, the and e ighti es, apprec iated and wallboard crumbling, the paper t danced to by all but the techno mache dripping off the chicken fans, who s ho uld be happie r Seal ofApprov al wire around an empty dance with this week's Dabney party fl oor while a few disappointed (you can't please everyone at soul s stood in the lounge and once). And enough people were cont emplated the disaster. pleased that th e dance fl oor did Sometimes, very rarely, the not even begin to empty fro m j ie Kim is abso'lutel worst happens and it isn ' t reall y midnight until well after the that bad. It did rain. But the wall no minal end of the party. Even board stayed sound, the paper when the weather turned from awesome mache stayed s mooth a nd drizzle to steady rain th e crowd J Humpty Dumpty teeter all ni ght partied on. over th e crowd that filed in . The For so me reason second steady drips of water off of the term has become the trad iti onal wings of the Jabberwocky didn't CocoBitch) finished th eir well time for several of the year's even deterthe dancers who pi led received sets. Fans were a li ttle biggest parties here at Tech. OPI Seal ofApproval onto the dance fl oor after local disappointed by Burnout's ini is Ruddock 's tour de force on the bands Mr. Hand, a ska band tial refusal to play their popular party front, the preparation for 4 27 Fe bruary 1998 Tm: INSIDE WORLD- Dabney Snow fun: Inuit Freedom Day! So take twellty eagl~r Darbs. quenlly luaded into the U Jom Day was cciebr.lteU in tht' three automobiles. a 14-1'001 l' HA UL and we clrl11bed into privacy of Dabney HOllse':-, U\VIl HAUL and" bright and early cars and began Ollr ad\"t~ntllrc: lip gr()lI lld ~. but this year it became mornillf'. and Ihe re:-uJI: Inuit Ihe Angelc.\ Cresl Highway. all ;lV,!e:--011le interhollse e\'cllt. Freedom Day! Thi~ Dabney tra (L500 fect lip. \,'C reached Man y of Y01l1llay have ~ I ct llall y ditiun. ';taned a few V ('~lr~ back ilca\'t'll in the form of slopes of \\'ilnc~sC'd the l'-H Al'L being by ;J couple of snow-happy white. powdery SIlO\\- (the ie) dri\t:'11 :-.ll)\vly. majeqically. hou;-;e mt'mbcr:--. \\'a~ Ob~(T\'ed stuff is no fun to have sl1cw,iball du\\n the Oli'·e Wall- dlll i n~ lunch_ It heaul"'c\ inward il:-, de.'-'. ttrtdtil)ll . thl...· Athcnaeum LL\\ n. and parl-:l'd \~ ithoul incidt'nt ( ;I .... idc fr01ll the Cllrl OLl:-. stare .., ~!lld l'O!Hlllc'Jlt:-: froJll Dnlookt·r .... ). :11 \\ hil'll 110inl Darb .... ell ma" .... c unlodd cd (/1L' ~IlU\\ ' ~!"d uumped II 111 ~l hu~ c pi Ie ill Ihl...~ middle l)f the la \\"n. v.,lhal happelh:'d ne"i ·.1 O\:'l\'ioll,,1) a glClriolh rree ~ ror-all sno\\'h:dl right where' c\'erYOlle Scurves Groove at rail around shricking and ycll~ ing and re\'eling in the surreal a(lllosphcrl...· of cold. lingl.y snow Apache on thi~ warm Southern Calif(lr~ nian dav. Members a i' all th e More than fifty years ago, tishes ("is that a milll?" j houses join ed in th e lovel); \'io~ Scurves in tunc wilh their bio T hi~ year wa~ no differ faithfull y this year on Friday the fights \vith ). Vve spent a while knee o r wrestling in the ~ n ow logical needs realized that J ~o cllt- in fact. the imprc:s:-.i on I J .llh of Februar.\' ~ l1ld. for thl' being diligent and good. co I J('ct~ and packing it int o liHle \\'eap~ cial event lln- g-ct from illost first time. was extended to be in~ ~IlUW from all over in the ons . hundr ed~ of whic h were like any previ- undergrads cnjoyed by Ill e mbers of ,til the trash G ln~ and loadi ng thelll hurled ;]1 11111n ing, dodg in g vic o usly con- and the h'"1J hOllses. Th t:' process: two skepy back ont o the truck. Many ~ n o\V tillls, as \\.' el1 as those who were ce ived by I'll I or dlulllS perky social veeps trave rsed the balJ:..; were throwll during this totally ul1;J\vare that they we're' Mankind was I've ral 'c'd to hOllse . noisily making otlr pres time. and we SpCll t a few happy targets. In the encl, fun was had In order. is that Apache ence kn own to all the people h Ollr~ I'rol icking and toboggan by alL and we gave rene\veu Sure ly they this year was who roo li ~hly signed up for Inuit ing. after which we piled int o thanks ror the freedom of the rauld not hn ve an e,pecially Freedom Day during the week our veh icles agai n 10 head bac)..; Inuit. known at the good perfor and who lor go (j u~t hO\\I painful to Tech. In past years Inuit Frcc- timc that \vhat rnancl' of it i ~ !O huul your~e l f aU! of hell th ey n amed people sinni ng at six in the morn ing. Hal f of " Ap a clJe" and flll " ef! them begged for ju ~t rive more wou ld evo\\'e gagin£ thL~ Il1 - minllte~ to shower/rub their eyes into a \vonder selvc~ in the open/simply IllO'lJ1 at [he day ful tradition i~pache ;..;pirit. light breakin g ollbille. but all glo rif yi ng The ind iviJual we re soon in the courtyard. fa mily valUes. who later won bundled in hats and gloves and Indeed, Apache has become the major office of "Teenage heavy jaCkets, ready to coll ect one of th e most obscene il nd Wasted" at Rickctrs' eJectIOns and s tea l tras h c an s fro m fantasti c di splays of human was espec ially popul ar th at Dabney and o th e r ho uses bei ngs celebrating anci actively ni ght. as I recall. (thank s are due to the Moles and demonstrating th eir in stinctu al Andrea " Hurting Turtle" Flems ). These we re s ubse- lendencie, towards debauch Hasensraub, Cynthia "Stone ery, salaci ty, dnlg and alcohol Cold Sober" Gong, and Tina abuse. and-my favo rite- fe- "That G rad Siudent" won the oP I parties on L.... ______...., G<1rter conl est. The victory is th e art-intensive theme. Juniors post-deconstruction (taking the get a chance to do anYl hi ng like prima ril y attributed to Leigh Engen! ' and Ryan stuff down after the party's this. You can make something Cynthia's sty le of handl in g Dieckmann were the grand drag a vec ) cool and say, ' Hey, I did that.' Andrea and Ih e garrer, along w hi c h seem s to so m e times ons for administration and con It is a source of wonder to People you wouldn't e xpect to with clitoral stimulation and eclipse the party itsell', The s truc ti o n, respecti vely, und some Ihat many people who see will come out and it gives lap- li cking prov ided by Tina. th eme was Alice in Wonderland; you an id ea of who are the ac Stea my competiti o n came a choice whi ch beat out Mo nster ri ve people in Ih e house." 1"'0111 ling "Tape" Xu and Sean Island and Arabian Nights in the When asked why he volun "Stro ngman" M auc h, along voting at a meeting firsl term. teered 10 be a Grand Dragon, witll Kim '"Is that a Baguette OPI stands I'or Own Pri vate Kious responded that it was a in your Pants?" Harle, who lnterhouse named of course for testosterone thi ng. It seems that provided some of the most in the I[lte. lamclH ed I nl erholl sc of at th e time of the OPI meeting ten se foot lic king action years gone by. Locallegcnd has he found himself being call ed a Ricketts has seen in year~. it that th e Ruclds lll"sed all 01' pansy by people who didn't have On a more seriolls note, the e laborate building and th e nerves to be biology majors: some have noted that "A]l ~ lcl1c preparati on that had character so in order to redeem himse lffle came into exis(encc shortl y be ized th eir entries to In terhou.se dedicated hi s services to the fore the U.S. observed a sharp fo r so long so much th ,lt th ey house. He also asked that it be in crease in sexual de\-ial1cY decided 10 do il anyway and menti oned that he was wearing and crimes of a sexu;,.t!n(!\llre. have a smaller version of the a cowboy hat at th e time of th e especiall y pedophilia, 'IS if to' grand party. Since th e n Iwo-by interview and scratched himself suggest that Apache itself is fOllrs , paper mache and wall in a very manly way, th e harbinger, if you will. of board have been as much a p~)[1 sophomore Brent Kious was in spend large amounts of lime But what it all comes down Ihe moral decay of society. In of second term in Ruddock as charge of art. Servin g be low building OPI don't come to Ih e to, all of th e preparations and the addreS Sing the issue, the frosh burning themselves with them were the iguanas (small party, or even intend to, As to problems and Ihe headaches and Ri ckett s Hoyse Hi storia ns in soldering irons and sophomores dragons) who had delegated 10 why, constJUction Grand Dragon the rain, is one bi g party. And it sist th e ev idence is pu rely cir burning th emselves wi th 52. them Ih e various tasks of pre Di eckmann says simpl y, " It 's rocked. cumstanti <.il and furthe rl1l ore The preparatio ns and party deconstruction (laking apart the fu n. Building mld design in g is claim Ih at if anything, it wal were overseen by th ree Grand palenes for th e wood), construc whal (some) techers like to do. Samuel Beckett's Wai ling fo r Dragons thi s year, an in crease tion, food, music, art, funding. There are a lot of hands-on type from the usual two because of T- shirts, publicil Y, drinks, and people here who don't usually