FREE 2/11/00 Issue no: 992

International Greensoc Life After News The Womb p2 p6 p17 p7-14 Flood Chaos

Heavy rains and the strongest winds since the hurricane of 1987In Guildford, the lowest lying areas resulted in widespread chaosnear the River Wey were badly across the UK last weekend. flooded. The Bedford Road car park filled to approximately three Six people were killed, severalfeet, to the consternation of some injured and many more were madepeople who had parked on the temporarily homeless as a result ofbasement level, whose cars were the severe weather and flooding.submerged to windscreen-height. Businesses in Walnut Tree Close The Met Office described thewere also affected, with We-Pac storms on Sunday night as actual-Ltd. partially underwater and the ly being worse than the ‘87 hurri-new office building threatened. cane, as a much greater propor- tion of the UK was affected. Elsewhere, the Wey towpath was completely submerged, as were Travel by road, rail and air werethe Shalford playing fields. The particularly upset, with flights intopopular George Abbot pub and the Gatwick being diverted to Stanstedassociated car park were damper and many rail services not runningthan a mermaid’s bathing cos- at all, particularly on Monday oftume, and the underpass near this week. By Tuesday, most trainsWoolworths was impassable. were running as normal, but withSouth of the town, the Wey had The George Abbot Takes A Splash speed restrictions imposed lastburst its banks in spectacular fash- week by Railtrack, the misery forion, creating a flood basin approxi-solely by moored narrow boats, travelers is set to continue formately 150 meters wide. The orig-now completely inaccessible from some time. inal path of the river was markedland. A pedestrian footbridge near the Guildford Rowing Club seemed to bizarrely lead into the middle of the raging torrent, as the picnic area had completely sunk.

At the University itself, one unfor- tunate house in Cathedral Court bore the brunt of the rains, as the water collected behind a retaining wall before pouring into the build- ing itself through ventilation bricks. There were also a number of leaks across most of the residences on campus.

Weather warnings remain in place The New Floating Car Park System - Bedford Car Park and it is expected that the River Wey could rise still further, threat-Odeon and The White House pub, ening businesses such as thewhose garden has already suc- Written by Dave Abott The River Wey Expands its Horizons at Millmead cumbed. Photos by Kevin Marston Online Voting Comes To Surrey

Last Friday saw the end of the first everDavid Abbott – Union Chairperson We would appreciate some feedback fromOfficer, Arts and Entertainments instance of online voting which wasKate Atkins – Campaigns Officer those who voted as to whether the systemChairperson or Community Action Chair used to elect members of the UnionEmma Van-Huysse – Ethical andwas easy to follow the links etc… and alsothen please come into the Students’ Union Central Committee. Four hopefuls sub-Environmental Officer from those who didn’t vote – was it apathy orand discuss the roles with a member of the mitted their names several weeks ago, would being a technophobe put you of fromsabbatical team. and we are pleased to announce thatWith this being a pioneering experimentvoting. the following candidates are now on thethere were obviously hitches, the main one by Lucy Andrews & Luke Mackenzie committee:- being the delay in getting the system up andThere are still several positions vacant on running. But a week or two later thanthe committee so if you’re interested in expected we launched, and people voted.being General Secretary or Women’s

[email protected] News 1-3n Features 4-6, n Barearts 7 - 14n Lifestyle 15 n Sport 19-20 News 2 2/11/00 Editorial Seeya Next TIme

As usual in my editoriel this week will include theKevin Marston Editorial Team occasional speling mistake here or there. So for all tje Editorr first yeers who enjoy reading barefacts, how many Kevin Marston this week?

Deputy Editor Anyway, this week barefacts appointed two new edi- Deputy Editor tors to the team , Science and Film. These positions Luke Hickey will be filled by NIck Walsh (Science) and Libby Hurt and Sariqa Wagley (co editors of Film). So look out Production Editorr for new articles by them in the next few issues. Andrew Thomas Thanks to all the people who contributed this week News Team and especially the guys who stayed around on James Buller Tuesday night to lay up and to Dave who spent 2 hours scanning fetish photos for the paper. Features Editorr Vacant

Music Editorr Owen Hazelby

Arts Editorr ChrisMorton

Sports Editorr Dave Chapman Fatal Plane Crash Terminator demands end to screen violence

Marketing Team Four Britons are among the passengers of aArnold Schwarzenegger has spoken out this week Vacant Singapore Airlines 747 plane which has crashed atover the effects of film violence on young people. To Taipei International Airport on Taiwan. The plane,prove this is not just a war of words the Terminator has Contributors bound for Los Angeles, crashed seconds after takingdemanded a cut in violence in his new film The 6th Ali Danby off, bursting into flames as it hit the runway. TheDay, which is to be rated PG-13 instead of the usual R Ellen van Keulen weather conditions were described as bad but it is notrating his former offerings received. His change of Dave Abbott believed to have been a cause of the accident. mind occurred at middle age as; “ when you get over Susie Westwell 50 and you have a family, you should broaden out and Chops The pilot, who survived the crash, spoke of the planedo other things “, Arnie stated. Libby Hurt hitting an object during the take-off process. A wheel, Nick Walsh which did not belong to the plane, was found by inves-As a possible candidate for the 2002 elections for gov- Gisela Böhnisch tigators near the scene of the accident. Officials haveernor of California, Schwarzenegger has been Tom Sugarman also said that mechanical problems were not the like-accused by sceptics as having this sudden change of Andrew Gale ly cause. A total of 179 passengers and crew were onheart in order to further his political career. Hollywood Greensoc board, about half of whom were killed by the crash. writer Alix MacGregor said: “ It seems pretty bizarre Jane Major coming from the man who made his fortune by com- Chops mercialising ultra-violence. “ This softer approach to MWC Gloves off in American Elections the screen seems to have had an affect on Tinseltown & Dr Russ with Drew Barrymore insisting that the stars of the new £60 m movie Charlie’s Angels should not carry guns. With less than week to go before Americans vote for barefacts their new president, candidates Al Gore and George W. Bush are frantically campaigning for every vote Union House, University Of Surrey Space Launch Guildford, Surrey, GU2 7XH they can secure. With Bush attending church meet- ings and singing with gospel choirs it seems that he is Kazakhstan has been put back on the map this week Tel: 01483 879275 trying very hard to canvas votes. However, Al Gore has gone on a two-day bus tour starting in Michiganwith the launch of a 153 ft rocket into space. This joint Fax: 01483 534749 venture between Russia and America marks the email: [email protected] and has managed to pull in crowds with the aid of 80s rock star John Bon Jovi. Gore also plans to enlist theanniversary of Russia’s first rocket launch. This trip is different from that historic venture back in 1961 in that Deadline for Publication services of soul legend Stevie Wonder and guitarist Santana to help his campaign. Who says that moneythe crew travelling from the Baikanur Cosmodrome Monday 12pm can’t buy votes ! will consist of astronauts of mixed nationalities, instead of just one man, the famous Soviet cosmonaut At this stage Democrat Gore and Republican Bush areYuri Gagarin. Submissions neck and neck in the polls with America seemingly preferably on disk / email in Word 6.0 Format,evenly split on who to vote for. Can Vice PresidentThis latest trip should last 4 months with the intrepid Gore shake off the tarnished reputation of his boss toexplorers travelling in a rocket that has already com- Text in Arial, size 9 font pleted 1,600 trips - a trusty machine we hope ! barefactsis an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office. take the hot seat from Clinton or will it be Texas Governor Bush moving into The White House ? The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union or the University of Surrey. Uprising in Peru

This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission Fighting continues in Middle East of the publisher. A military uprising has taken place in Peru with 50-100 All submissions must include the author's name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. The Middle East has seen yet more violence andsoldiers taking over a small town just outside the cap- Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. ital, Lima. A number of hostages were taken but no barefactsreserves the right to edit submissions. tragedy this week as the death toll steadily rises in the Printed by conflict between Israel and Palestine. Tragically manyone was reported injured. Trouble flared the day after confrontations between the two sides have left youngthe government announced changes in the way the East End Offset (TU), Bow, , E3 3LT children the victims of the conflict. One of the latestcountry is run. © USSU Communications Office 2000 incidents involved a 14 year old boy who is now brain dead and on life support. Banger bother in France ! Israeli tanks are still arriving on the West Bank and negotiations between the two sides show no signs ofWhile Britain is coming to terms with the BSE crisis, a settlement. Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat hasacross the Channel France is also having trouble with defiantly stated “ our people will remain steadfast “food. The French food manufacturer Spanghero has while Israeli leader Ehud Barrack is in the process ofbeen forced to withdraw one and a half tons of its forming a coalition government. World leaders, par-spicy sausages from shops. The sausages were ticularly US President Bill Clinton, are still workingfound to be contaminated with listeria. towards bringing the two sides together although By Libby Hurt many believe peace is unlikely to be achieved. 2/11/00 News & Emails 3 ...News In Brief...News In Brief...News In Brief...News In Brief...

Surrey Nurse Wins Cancer 19-year-old Aleksei Nekrasov was the Green Light For ATP clearly losers and should have tried hard- Scholarship youngest of the sub's crew. His mother, er...They are not the kind of people I per- Nadezhda Nekrasov said "They were alive -An inquiry has called for the introduction ofsonally want at my university. Perhaps next A Surrey student nurse has won a majorthey lied to us that they had all died." Shethe most expensive rail safety equipmentyear the admissions tutors should step down scholarship to study cancer. Mary Stapletonadded "They were a very close crew andavailable. The joint inquiry into the Southalloff their pedestels [sic] and join the real will receive funding from the Smith &Aleksei was very satisfied with everything.and Ladbrook Grove disasters decided thatworld: give people a chance and save us all Nephew Foundation to research the reac-He said it was the best crew and the bestthe ATP system and cheaper TWP shouldthe hassle of having to mix with idiots from tion of young women to breast cancer vessel." She described note writerbe in use within 10 years. mining-village comprehensive schools.” Kolesnikov as "a wonderful man". Last year was the first time Sheffield had Stapleton, reading for an MSc in Advanced Both subjects of the investigation involvedentered into the clearing system. Clinical Practice (Cancer Nursing) will beThe Russian media has also been highlytrains passing through red signals. 38 peo- presented with the award by Professor Liamcritical of the response to the incident. Theple died in the subsequent accidents. The Donaldon, chief medical officer at theNoviye Izvestia newspaper's simply pleads:two systems advocated have different abili- Department Of Health on Saturday. "They Were Alive", The Sevodnya sates: "Inties to prevent this happening. Kursk's ninth section, they could not wait for In addition to her studies at the Europeanhelp long enough." Ian Burnett QC, counsel to the inquiry said Institute of Health & Medical Studies this week that the sophisticated Automatic (EIHMS - aka the 'ship building') StapletonWhile divers continue to search the wreckTrain Protection system (ATP) should be also works for the national charity, Breast108m down, the commander of the country'sinstalled in all high speed trains. He Cancer Care. She said, "I am absolutelynorthern fleet, Admiral Vyacheslav Popov,acknowledged that this will take a long time delighted to have won this award. Throughhas warned that some bodies may never behowever. So he advised that all trains, my proposed study, I hope that cancer nurs-recovered, the submarine is so badly dam-across the network should be fitted with a es and other health professionals will gain aaged. Train Warning Protection system (TWP). better understanding of the needs and con- The system requires trackside equipment cerns of younger women with breast cancer, Microsoft Hacked too however, so it could be as long as a enabling them to provide more sensitive and decade before installation is complete. appropriate care". Software giant Microsoft has fallen seriously foul of computer hackers. The company hasUpon hearing the news Maureen Kavanagh, The scholarship is among 19 funded byadmitted that unauthorised personswho lost her son in the Southall crash, said multinational, medical technology companyaccessed vital data about its top product,"It would certainly make passengers and Sports Round-up Smith & National plc. They donate £400,000Microsoft Windows. trains safer but we need it to be done more annually to health professionals. quickly, really." The work will cost rail firmsSven Goran Eriksson has been named by Hackers in Russia are reported to have sentand the taxpayer around £2bn. Msthe Football Association as the England a computer virus to Microsoft via email. TheKavanagh said: "We know that the money iscoach. Eriksson, who succeeds Kevin virus was a type known as a "Trojan Horse".there. It's going to be expensive but MrKegan, has been given a five year contract It allows the sender to peer inside the other-Prescott has said he will stand by Lordwith an option of a further two years. wise secure network of the victim organisa-Cullen's recommendations." tion. On this occasion they reached highly He is the first foreigner to take on the top sensitive "source code" and apparentlyATP would automatically apply the brakes tojob, a move which has been criticised by copied it to their own machines. The sourcea train that had passed a red light. TWP onlymany after Terry Venables was ruled out. code is the blueprint of Microsoft's programsalerts the driver to the incident and does notThe 52-year-old Swede will leave Lazio for and hence zealously guarded corporatework when travelling faster than 70mph.England next July. FA chief executive Adam knowledge. However TWP can be implemented muchCrozier said “Sven Goran Eriksson was the more quickly. In fact it is already operationalunanimous choice of our selection team. He The security breech raises two main possi-in some places. It has therefore been cho-is one of the best coaches in the world.” bilities. Firstly the secrets could be disclosedsen as the initial fix to the problem else- to Microsoft's competitors or even to thewhere. Steve Redgrave has announced his deci- Russian Sub Horror: Sailors Died Inwhole world via the Internet. Another worry sion to retire from international rowing, end- Darkness is that the virtual intruders managed to alter"It makes sense, we submit, for thoseing one of the greatest Olympic careers in the code in situ. If undetected this couldinvolved to start now." Said Mr Burnett. Hehistory. Redgrave, 38, made his internation- Twenty-three men survived the initial disas-cause serious problems to future Microsoftcommented that halting the present TWPal debut in 1979 and has since won a record ter aboard the Kursk submarine, only to suf-products and hence to consumers who relyprogramme would endanger more lives andfive Olympic golds. focate slowly in the dark it emerged thison them. also use up financial and human resources week. in a "grossly disproportionate way". England’s cricketers have lost their One- Microsoft's president and chief executive, Day series against Pakistan 2-1 after loos- The Russian nuclear sub sank with the lossSteve Ballmer, tried to allay these fears. HeJohn Hendy QC, counsel for the bereaveding the final match by 6 wickets. England’s of all hands in August after suffering two cat-said: "It is clear that hackers did see some ofrelatives, said the absence of ATP after sorugby league players have not fared much astrophic internal explosions. Some of theour source code." "I can assure you that wemany accidents was already an "abject fail-better in their opening match of the World crew's bodies have now been recovered.know there has been no compromise of theure" by the rail industry. Cup loosing 22-2 to Australia. Many are badly burned, indicating that aintegrity of the source code; that it has not fierce fire swept through the boat. All thebeen modified or tampered with in any way."Sir David Davis, an expert appointed by the by Luke Hickey dead show signs of being bombarded with"Microsoft is moving aggressively to isolategovernment, gave evidence to the inquiry heavy objects as the vessel fell to thethe problem and ensure the security of ouralong with 81 other witnesses. He backed seabed. internal network." the proposals as the best way to reduce accidents in the coming years. Those who lived through the horrific acci-The Wall Street Journal has claimed the dent however gathered in the submarine'shackers have been operating, undetectedThe inquiry's full report will be published stern. Unable to escape they waited in thefor three months. It also reported that the USnext year. darkness for a rescue, which never came.Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has The revelations stem from a scribbled notebeen called in to help Microsoft "protect its by James Buller found by divers in the pocket of killedintellectual property". Lieutenant Dmitry Kolesnikov. An Apology Would you turn to Crime? "All the crew from the sixth, seventh and On the front page of last week’s eighth compartments went over to the ninth. A recent poll in Hull’s student newspaperBarefacts, we ran a story entitled ‘UniS: There are 23 people here. We made the has discovered that 25% of the students School of Chemical Warfare’, the article decision because of the accident. None of there would turn to crime to made ends was about a scheme to train overseas us can get to the surface... I am writing meet. Of this number; 33% would commitchemical engineers in Western technology blindly." petty thefts, 44% would defraud banks andand practices, as part of an overall plan to The words have sparked renewed outrage student loans and 23% would deal softlimit chemical warfare around the world. at the Russian authorities. Officials claimed drugs. Another poll for the paper found thatThe department of Chemical Engineering at the time that everyone aboard had per- 85% of students spend over £50 on drink has asked us to point out that they are ished instantly. This was of some comfort to and 71% use illegal drugs daily. against all forms of chemical warfare and the sailors' relatives. However there was do not support the headline used. We are much anger that so little effort was made to Dear Editor happy to clear this up and to offer our attempt a rescue or get international assis- most profound apologies to the depart- tance. The bereaved now know their calls Ari Taylor, a student at Sheffield wrote thisment for any offence that may have been were justified and have hit out once again. letter to his university newspaper: “The kind caused by the headline. of people who participate in clearing are Interview 4 2/11/00 HigherHigher StatesStates OOff ConsciousnesConsciousnesss

On Monday 23rd. October the Universitywe will get within a one second time frame,inside their head. was fortunate to play host to Professorand I think in the future we will have some Susan Greenfield CBE. Regarded by manyadvances into some psychiatric conditions,Do you have any more plans to write as a modern-day ‘superwomen’, she leadstesting out this theory that there is a neuralany more books? an inspiring life fulfilling many different roles.correlate of consciousness, but that is not in ing Primarily a leading neuroscientist based atitself going to be how the brain generatesI’d like to, and what I’d find enormously inter-to cut down Oxford University, she was the first womanconsciousness or what it is. But I think itesting would be something into pleasureon the num- to give the annual Royal Institutionmight itself inspire different approaches. itself. In the way that pleasure in differentber of engage- Christmas Lectures, the author of a number cultures, history and in the animal kingdom,ments I take on of books on the brain, and recently present-When you made ‘Brain Story’, you wereand the different types of pleasure. I endedoutside Oxford and ed the BBC television series ‘Brain Story’.able to go around the world, did you findthe book comparing the pleasure of fulfill-London, because it does make big inroads Professor Greenfield was in Guildford tothe research in the UK was on a par withment, doing well in exams or getting a jobinto one’s time. For pleasure, I’m like every- give a lecture as part of the Guildford bookother places for research? promotion, in contrast to the direct sensualone, I like good food and wine, and I like festival based on her television series and hit of certain types of pleasure, sex drugsshopping like most women do, and I like also her latest book ‘The Private Life of theYes, but what saddened me about the UK,rock’n’roll that kind of thing. sleeping a lot which is usually in small sup- Brain’. Bare Facts was lucky enough to talkwas that British scientists compared to ply. to her about her life and work. American ones were much more reluctant toYou talk about drugs in your book, but appear on the television. I think I was a littlehave you ever experienced drugs your-How do you feel about the University How have you found the reception to thesad that they weren’t so ‘up for it’ and on theself? system in the UK, how research is book? other hand we did want to give a global per- brought down to the students? spective on the brain. Yes, but a long time ago, the usual Tory Very good, in the softback book I’m delight- party line, but I grew up in the sixties and itI think it is in crisis at the moment, compared ed that there’s a really nice endorsement byDo you feel that by studying the brain, itwas virtually impossible not to be exposedto when I was a student, from when I started Oliver Sacks (one of the world’s topcan tell us something about the mind? to recreational drugs. What happened was, Idoing research. I think that nowadays, a lot Psychiatrist’s, Science Ed.), saying highly didn’t like it when I did inhale, and I did seeof able, young, scientists (and I can’t talk for readable, challenging. Which is really goodIf you define the mind as I define it, which iswhat very strong, addictive drugs did to col-arts subjects), are pulled away from to hear. not perhaps to everyone’s taste. That theleagues of mine, friends of mine, and it gaveUniversity, away from doing a Doctorate, lured by the city or by the big companies. It is difficult to target your audience for a Whereas in the old days, one stayed on in book like this? .....How do you feel about the University, because there was intellectual freedom and it was intellectually exciting. Yes that is hard, but at the end of the book University System in the UK? You didn’t mind having less money and there’s an appendix, and that was my way working long hours. Nowadays, that is not around it, because on the one hand I want- .....I think it is in crisis.... necessarily the case, it is much harder to get ed to be intellectually vigorous, I wanted to grants, because there is less money around, make a serious contribution to the field, research has got more technocratic and also which would pass muster with other scien-mind is the personalization of the brain, ifme a huge respect for drugs. I certainlybecause the research councils are very risk tists. I wanted to appeal to the general pub-you accept that then I think you can learn awouldn’t take them myself now, and I cer-aversive. I think this is discouraging young lic and it does present a problem, in howlot about how different areas of the braintainly wouldn’t recommend them to otherpeople who before didn’t mind “the crummy technical you get. So my way around thatform connections, and configurations thatpeople. money and long hours” because there was was to have an appendix with all the techni-reflect your particular experience, and there intellectual excitement. If you don’t have cal stuff, so that the real scientists couldis a huge amount to learn on that, especial-How do you feel about areas that scien-intellectual excitement either, if you’re doing read all that. The book functions on two lev-ly with techniques coming out now. If youtists wouldn’t normally go into, such assomething very boring, because that is the els: on the one hand the public could read itaccept that definition then yes, but if youthe arts and literature? Do you thinkonly way you’ll get a grant, I think then there without bothering with the appendix, or adon’t then its harder. learning about the brain and mind couldwill be much more desertion to the private more scholarly person or scientist could tell us more about these things? sector. Also for University teachers, who are read it by looking at the back. How do you think the general public doing research, there is a problem for them. view’s brain research? Worries such asWell I think it’s the other way around, I thinkThey are haunted by the audit mentality, Regarding consciousness how far have‘people can read their thoughts’ art and literature could give us insights intopeople who come around and sit in your lec- we got or how far do we have to go people and how they think and how theytures and are very prescriptive. One of the before we get anywhere? Yes, that is a problem, I think the self is invi-feel. Lots of visual paintings, just expressreasons I was not unhappy to give up teach- olate, just because we can understand thecertain emotions. I find art, and visual art ining in Oxford, when I took up the Royal It depends on where we want to go, if look-configurations in the brain, it doesn’t meanparticular expresses a feeling of fear or ofInstitution job was people were just people ing at co-relations (how brain imaging mapssomeone can get inside your head, orlove or joy at a far more visceral level, thanwanting to circulate in tutorials. You had to onto subjective experience, Science Ed) weexpress what you are experiencing. Also aa load of words can. At the Royal Institution,teach what you had to cover, point-by-point, could get quite far, but that is not changingperson will only tell you how they feel if theywhat we are trying to do is enlarge our sci-and that is the most mind numbing, soul- water into wine, and I think people confusechoose to, if you don’t know how someoneence lectures, to the science/art boundaries.destroying way of teaching. Teachers from the two. So I think with imaging techniquesfeels, you can’t tell from what is happeningAlso the Royal Institution has just taken on asecondary school, through to higher educa- poet in residence, which will be very inter-tion like to feel there is a certain amount of esting, but I can’t say how effective this willlatitude, where they can improvise. If they be. I think there is a huge amount of scopefeel a certain student wants to talk about for arts-science activities, but one has to besomething rather that something else you very focused, whether using art as acan’t do that. This level of tunnel vision I metaphor for using a scientific idea, or usingfound very soul destroying. Also when I was art as a vehicle for expressing science thereteaching, we would do something like vision, are lots of different things that one can do.such as what are the brain regions involved At art/science conferences that I have beenin vision etc. I would say, but how do we to, things just disintegrate because they getsee?, (a concept which is very exciting). A too unfocused. person said, but is that in the syllabus?, and I said no and they would say, well can you How do you spend your free time, whatplease not do it, and that I found very dispir- do you do for enjoyment? iting.

Well I have several different activities, butThere was an article in the Guardian that is my choice because I just love doingrecently regarding women? Do you think all these different things. What with runningwomen in terms of going on to research the lab in Oxford, plus a spin-off companycareers are underrepresented and is it we have, plus the Royal Institution, plusmore difficult for women? doing these books at weekends, plus I write for the papers sometimes, and do mediaI think initially they are not underrepresent- things, plus give lectures like tonight…… its Professor Susan Greenfield CBE ed, I think for many young female graduate very hard to have a free time really. I’m try-students it is not a problem, the big problem Interview 2/11/00 5 and inevitably the crunch is when they wantAmerican Ivy League system? pany. Now if we did well, or if any of the to have children, or they are partnered with other companies did well, they will someone else in research. Its not like beingI personally wouldn’t like to see us gomake a serious amount of money, that with someone who is a doctor, dentist ortowards the private Universities that theyis not from the government, which is teacher where you can work anywhere inhave, where people get rugby scholarships,not a grant. The Universities need to the country. With science you have to posi-and the poor kids get scholarships that areget a bit more streetwise, whereas in tion exactly in the lab you want to be in, andsubsidised by the rich kids, I would hate tothe old days they were regarded as exactly the person you want to work with. It’ssee that. But certainly, what I would like toIvory towers, the public sector thought usually the male or older one, who has gotsee from American Universities are thethat it wasn’t going to dirty its hand with fixed up in a post-doctoral position or a lec-entrepreneurial attitudes that America has oftrade. I think there is now a meshing of tural position, and the wife inevitably will fol-not being snooty about making money andthose old boundaries, so that people low. I find that very sad. I’m hoping to give agetting your hands dirty. I think that money isrealise that you can have entrepre- scholarship for one woman whose careerpower, you can buy things and you canneurial academic scientists. This sets a has been disrupted by children and give herendow things? good role model for young scientists a scholarship because they can make more money, (On Drugs)for a doctor-Do you feel that UK research can keep upand learn a lot of other skills as well. At ate for threewith America because it has such a largethe same time it raises money for .... I wouldn’tyears. private income? University, and the University can use that money to spend on more blue recommendCan you seeI think we need to look at our revenueskies research, or buy expensive Britishstream, and why I’m very pleased to have aequipment, if the government won’t them to any-Universitiesspin out company. Oxford University havebuy it. movingnow spun out nine companies in two years, one... towards theand they have 20% of the shares in my com- YourYour ShouShouttBikeBike IsIs BestBest!! I went home this weekend, and it was a very pleasant weekend, thankTravelling to and from the University is an issue thata licence, MOT, tax, or insurance. you for asking. Unfortunately all good things must come to an end and,effects many staff and students living off campus. after scrounging a lift to Wimbledon station at 6:45am, I went to buy aWith the current situation regarding parking and per-5) Shower facilities have been improved on campus, train ticket to Guildford only to be met by a man who informed me thatmits at the University, cycling is clearly a good optionso if you arrive dripping and sweaty you can simply no trains were running due to the bit of rain we had the previous night.for many. Here are a few reasons to dust off the oldpile into the shower and start afresh! To cut a long story short, I eventually arrived back in Guildford at aboutsaddle and get pedalling! 3:30pm. For those of you not familiar with this journey, it normally takes 6) It is quicker than walking if you live off campus - I about 35 minutes direct by train. 1) It is good for you! - keeping you fit and healthy andcan leave 10 minutes after my housemates and we saves you those extra hours sweating in the gymstill arrive at the same time! Firstly, A3 at Wisley, here we have an unbelievably busy stretch on A-going literally no-where. road, so why have we not done something to stop the reservoir from Convinced yet? So where can you get that bike then? overflowing onto it, and sorry if I’m being stupid here but having the2) There is no parking fee for bicycles, and there areGuildford Cycles at 89 Woodbridge Road (near the drains from the A3 flow into the reservoir is not conducive to an unflood-plenty of spaces where you can lock your bike aroundbus station) sells a range of cycles and accessories, ed road. In these days of superb underground reservoirs and fantasticcampus (see map). Although most is not undercover,and also do repairs on site (the origins of last years drainage systems, surely we could siphon the water off somewherea bag over the saddle can easily solve that, and thereGreen Week ‘Win a Bike’ prize!). Also at 15/16 else, thus keeping the road open next time we have rain. One moreare a few sneaky spaces if you can get them (e.g.Woodbridge Road is Les Smith’s Cycle Supercentre thing, why did no police chief think that perhaps taking down a few bar-outside the some residences, and opposite the book-which offers a similar range of services, as does riers and opening a contra flow, just a thought, would not have been per-shop is sheltered - unless the wind is blowing theGuildford’s other large bicycle specialist is Pedal fect but would have at least kept all traffic moving. I could have a simi-wrong way!). When you are going out and about,Pushers, at 75 Stoke Road. If you don’t want to spend lar moan about the M25 at junction 9, but I’ll just be repeating myself. most places now have areas for bikes, and there areout on a new bike, it is always worth watching out in several places in town where you can chain your bikethe Surrey Ad for second hand deals. You can expect Now, to Railtrack, frequently the subject of my moans, nobody canup. to get a reasonable cycle for around £50, which is blame them for the rain or for other delays while they fix their tracks, probably more accessible and realistic to most stu- fine. I rung National Rail Enquiries about a dozen times over a period of3) Bikes do not use petrol – a good thing for severaldents, especially if you are not a serious cyclist. It is 36 hours, got through once to a very nice person who told me that shereasons. Most importantly by not using petrol you arealways wise to get your bike postcoded just in case it could not tell me if the train I wanted was going to run or not. Some bossnot adding to the emissions of CO2, CO, lead andwalks off, and of course you will need to get a decent person from Railtrack was being interviewed the other day; he wasother air pollutants that are being pumped out into thelock. For your own safety and helmet is also advis- asked why a national company of such importance failed to have anyatmosphere. Apart from being unpleasant to otherable. These accessories can all be bought in the contingency plans in place for such problems. He said he was ratherroad users (pedestrians and cyclists), fuel combus-above stores, and it is always worth checking out caught out by the weather; no of course we never have heavy rain intion contributes to the Greenhouse effect and globalplaces such as Argos for good deals. While they may this country causing flooding to large parts of it. If he were a politician,warming, an increase in low-level ozone, and causesnot be the top label designs, from a practical point of he would be quite rightly asked why he was not resigning. smog. On a medical front, the rapid rise in asthmaview you can’t go far wrong, and Endsliegh offer a cases, respiratory diseases and some cancers hasspecial bicycle insurance policy if you are concerned One last point, why is it that France, Germany, Japan, etc. never havealso been associated with petrol and diesel fumes. about security. these kind of problems when they have serious weather problems, also there never seem to be problems with leaves on the line, I can accept4) Cycling is cheap. There are no fuel costs – defi-Still not convinced? All I can say to that is try it and the vast quantity of leaves due to the storms was unusual and very dif-nitely a consideration after the recent petrol crisis andsee for yourself – some people just won’t be told……! ficult to work against but well maybe if the problem was solved theyon-going high prices – and maintenance is cheaper. would no longer have an excuse to be late. Repairs can often be done yourself with only the priceEmma Van-Huysse - mu91ev - for Greensoc (6:30pm of parts to pay, or even if you need something doneThursdays, in Roots) Anon professionally by comparison to a motor vehicle any work done costs much less. There are also fewer things that can go wrong! In addition you don’t need

Damn Floods 6 Focus Group 2/11/00 Focusing On USSU The first focus group met last week to consider how thesubsidising Guinness then there would be "considerable Union can be improved. The 13 strong meeting discussedscope to reduce the costs of other drinks". The question was issues surrounding products sold at the USSU bars. asked: Should Guinness stay or go? If the latter - what should be its substitute? Opinion was mixed and it was sug- Prices were not a significant aspect of the debate, the dif-gested that Beamish be trialed, possibly with the aid of a ferent drinks and their method of promotion was to the fore.promotion. The focus group(s) also have no power to make decisions. The following summary simply shows what ideas were givenAnother hot topic was Real Ale. Several people touted this to powers that be. as a potential hot seller. A complete re-introduction of bot- tles was also suggested for the normal bars, reducing the That said the first item was prompted by money. Figuresuse of plastic glasses. Everyone thought this would have were presented which showed that if the Union were to stopmany benefits and a wider range was also mooted. Soft drinks and wine offerings were also reviewed and ideas came forth.

The publicity surrounding drinks available and their prices was a common theme. People felt promotion could be a good deal better and would have significant effect on prod-Entertainment & Events - how they are chosen and organ- uct awareness and therefore on sales. ised. If you want to have your say the contact and be in the Helen Rose The complete minutes of this and other focus groups will beBar@5pm Fri 3rd. available on the Union website and noticeboards. Words & Photos by James Buller The focus group consisted of 8 students, 3 Sabbaticals, the Union Cellarman Rob Haggart and new Interim Union man- ager Bob Anderson. The Union Officials seemed very pleased with views and ideas they had gathered from the meeting. Bob Anderson also made an impression. Despite his greenness to Surrey, his pro-active attitude and experi- ence with NUSSL (NUS Services Ltd) gave a very positive air to proceedings.

The Union will now consider the results at the next Working Party meeting on November 14th and make decisions based upon them. More focus groups are planned and yet more may well be created.

Tomorrow (Fri) the next focus group will discuss

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Music Reviews Blair Witch 2 Fetish Photos Horoscopes News & Comps 8 2/11/00 Music News Competitions

It’s been a weird week in the world ofbecause Moby Hello and welcome again to your chance to Win Blur Goodies pop. No sooner have Metallicathreat-Scotland win some of the various gifts that find their ened to sue every single one of theirseems to be way to our office. Well done to Daniel fans for sharing their tracks on the inter-the only place Bashford for winning last week’s prizes. net than one of the big five major labelsthe storms Now down to business, as usual entries in by Monday 6pm to [email protected] jump into bed with “nasty” Napster. Thehaven’t hit. with your contact details (including URN), plan is to charge a subscription to mem-Mobyfinally finds an opportunity to curefirst out of the hat wins. Good Luck. Oh, bers using the technology, which willhis pasty skin with a gig in sunnyalmost forgot, don’t forget to look out for then allegedly go to the artists. Odds onMexico along with Carl Cox, Dannyour superb Sterophonics competition else- if it does happen the artists will stillTengali, and LTJ Buken. The festivalwhere in this week’s compulsory read. receive peanuts whilst the labels takecoincides with the national “day of the Those nice people at EMI Records have the lions share. New technology, olddead”, presumably as most of the DJs given us a stack of things to give away to businessare the wrong side of fourty. Hurrah, Win What Lies Beneath Placebo celebrate Blur’s ‘The Best of’ . model, equi-Spice Girls have taken another number Goodies Included are a special edition CD (with 10 ty isone with the raunchy,”Hollor”. Nine bonus tracks), vinyl and a video, plus restored tonumber ones make them the firstTo coincide with posters and postcards. To win all you have a panicingfemale group to do so, Cliff Richard isthe American to do is complete this lyric from Blur’s industry,still ahead of them though, maybe theyblockbuster smash hit ‘Song 2’: ‘What lies fantastic.could inflict a collaboration on us for I got my head checked….. Meanwhile,Christmas number one? Lastly in thebeneath’ being released over back onglorious tradition of nepotism in manu- here (well we’re … by a jumbo jet terra-firma,factured bands Lisa from Stepsonly a fortnight … by Her Majesty the Queen’s vacu- younger three brothers have formed alate), we have um cleaner band called, cunningly enough,teamed up with … by a Double Whopper with large Nottingham’s Rock City lost it’s roof in a“Brothers”. You have to hand it to them,our friends at fries storm. Placebo, who were due to play,it takes real skill to be even less originalMovie Mania and had to cancel their gig. Comparisonsthan the Abba-ripping fivesome! The Daily between the venue losing it’s roof and Telegraph to give Sona Fariq After the success of this competition for the goth dwarf Brian Molko losing his hairAndrew you the chance to win 5 (yes FIVE) mini-posters, 2 soundlast two weeks (that’ll be no entries then), would be to cruel to print here... Still onThomas tracks, his and her’s t-shirts and 2 bathwe thought we would try a new question. the live circuit, recently dropped Sona bombs. To win this bumper selection ofSo for your chance to win 6 tickets to Fariqand for reasons unknown not presents all you have to do is answer thisFriday 10thNovember’s FNO, just answer dropped Therapy? are playing a spe- simple question: this question in a style which will amuse cial gig at Glasgow Cathouse to cele- our notoriously miserable editorial team in brate it’s tenth aniversary. Presumably Which film launched Harrison Ford’sless than 30 words; the most apt, original film career? and above all witty entry will win.

Star Trek My life is like a pint of Carling because Star Wars ….. Starlight Express 2/11/00 Fetish Review 9

Last Friday was our annual Drag and Fetish evening at the union, and as ever the Surrey students did not disappoint. As you can probably tell from the pictures, a great evening was had by all, with all types of fetish being worn, together with the male population’s attempt to look sexy in a frock. If you have any stories aboutt thethe evening,evening, eithereither aboutabout youryour heroicsheroics oror youryour mate’smate’s embarrassingembarrassing fauxfaux paspas thethen letlet usus knowknow atat [email protected]@surrey.ac.uk. IfIf you’veyou’ve gotgot photosphotos thenthen letlet usus havehave thethem too,too, wewe cancan scanscan themthem inin ifif necessary.necessary. Record Reviews 10 2/11/00 Charming lyrics and top looping riffs make this single. The band recently played the uni- versity and have now got Waggs formerly of Single of the Week the Happy Mondays and Black Grape, on Singlesguitar. Two other guitar driven B-sidesMY VITRIOL - Pieces including the intriguingly bizarre ‘Talk To The(Infectious) Trees’, suggest the band could yet becomeSpiky emotion charged DAFT PUNK – One More Time (Virgin) masters of 3 minute indie tunes. 7/10 A.W.teens in mature indie-rock The French pornstars return with their elec- ballad shocker! My Vitriol tro funk sound and vocoda vocals sliced withCHICANE – Autumn Tacticsfollow up on the shout- phat beats and that disco groove. Maybe the(Xtravaganza) along anthem, ‘Cemented next ‘Lady’ 8/10 K.M. This single is taken from Chicane’s secondShoes’, by calming down album, ‘Behind the sun’, which has so farlong enough to create the JJ72 – October Swimmer (Lakota) reached gold status. The haunting vocalskind of song Jon Bon Jovi This is the band that has been getting all thecapture the very essence of the end of thewould be making if he media attention recently…. Being hailed assummer (that was a long time ago!) andhadn’t turned into a back- the best band that has come out of Irelandmake it the perfect single for those with ener-wards facing parody of since U2, they definitely deserve all thegy left to burn. 7/10 J.H himself. 8/10 A.T. praise they are getting! This song, filled with staccato beauty, is an entrancing andYONGEN – Whispers And Kisses/ melancholic song perfect for the long andMoonrise DAVID GRAY - Please Forgive Me cold autumn nights. Their cover of NickThis is nice and pleasant. Its quiet and flow-(Eastwest) HUGHIE CRAWFORD – Juice Me (Black Drake’s ‘Black Eyed Dog’ is nearly as gooding way is never going to demand your atten-He of, ‘Babylon’, fame returns with a re-Story Records) as the original i.e. pretty damn good. 8/10tion or get anyone excited, but as back-release from his current top ten album.Just in case I needed reminding of every- O.C. ground music it’s a relative success. It throbsNeither as catchy, nor as enduring, it is onlything’s that’s wrong with modern r’n’b, a tune and meanders, with its soft vocals every nowmade worse by the video which looks like itthat’s unbelievably dull (and they include an SNOW PATROL – Ask Me How I Amand again, not bad, not good. 4/10 I.P. was shot by GCSE film students for aboutinstrumental), lyrics which are totally (Jeepster) 90p (thoughtfully provided on the interactiveb*!!*£%$. The only near saving grace is the “Has no-one asked you how you are? You element). No wonder it only stumbled intoremix of ‘Whatcha Gonna Do’, which is chart look like you might not last the day.” the lower end of the top 20. 2/10 A.T. fodder. 2/10. I.P.

for the fore-coming long and dark winter nights. At first, Isobel’s songs appear to be Album of the Weekquite monotonous and dreary, but after a few spins, one begins to discern hidden emotions and textures. One should listen RONI SIZE REPRASENT – In The carefully and with an open heart to capture Mode (Mercury) the true essence of these tunes. 6/10 J.F.mend about this compilation, buy it only if Roni Size and crew returns with a you’re a fan of either DJ or the Bugged Out hard edged drum ‘n’ bass album ETIENNE DE CRECY – Tempovisionnights, which are still going strong today. featuring the likes of Method Man, (Disques Solid) 4/10 A.R. Rahzel and Zack De La Rocha Etienne is one of the key figures behind the (Rage Against The Machine). From French house explosion during the ‘90s, andGARY NUMAN - Pure (Eagle) the beginning ‘In The Mode’ casts was the wizard behind the highly acclaimedGary Numan has amassed 25 albums in his your mind into a frenzied assault of Super Discount project. This is an atmos-22 recording years. ‘Pure’ varies from all his drum loops and bass lines that only pheric album layered with twisted-disco,other albums by being far heavier and dark- seem to be lifted when the album deep-house and stoned-funk; eleven trackser. The album is full of atmospheric sound reaches the chill out tune. ‘Who Told which increase in worth as the albumsamples and distorted melodies. He certain- You’ bangs out the essence to the unfolds. ly seems to have been influenced by the album with its main lyrics of “Who A formula many times repeated, that has forIndustrial music scene. There are up-tempo told you, you could do it like that”. once proved successful. 6/10 J.F. tracks here such as ‘My Jesus’ and the title An album for all you bass heads out track ‘pure’ and the demon sounding ‘Rip’ there but also for those more open BUGGED OUT – Felix Da Housecat &and ‘I can’t breathe’. The verdict though is minded souls. 8/10 K.M. Justin Robertson (Virgin) very much against and Gary Numan certain- Originally a Friday night out in Manchester,ly seems to be heading in the wrong direc- Bugged Out is the name of this two CDtion. If you are looking for tracks like the NEW ORLEANS: The Original Sound OfTHE ACTION TIME – Rock And Rolldance music compilation. Both discs are Funk 1960 - 75 (Soul Jazz Records) (Southern) famous ‘Cars’ you are going to be very packed full of house tunes from some of themuch disappointed. 3/10 N.M If like me, you’re not exactly an expert onBack in mid nineties there were bands such more reputable names in dance music. New Orleans funk, you might not haveas S*M*A*S*H, Elastica, Blessed Ethel andEffectively recordings of two mix sessions This Week’s Reviews by heard of any of the not-so-famous names onThese Animal Men, all of whom feel intoby Robertson and Felix Da Housecat, this compilation, such as Professorsome loose sense of a scene. Now whilstBugged Out should provide something for Ian Purvey, James Hemingway, Longhair(!) or Huey ‘Piano’ Smith, but don’tthis lot aren’t exactly like any of the afore-all fans of house music. Unfortunately there Oliver Chamero, Juan Fanals, let that put you off because this is great. Thementioned they do feel that they could haveare few really outstanding tracks on either Andy Thomas, Anna Wheeler collection covers the time from the emer-seamlessly fitted into that scene. So whilstCD; heavy mixing softens the effect of more Nigel Martin, Alex Read, Kevin gence of funk in New Orleans in the earlythey are nothing new, they do make goodinteresting tunes like ‘Dirge’ by Death in Marston, Nigel Martin, & Owen 60s through to the mid-70s. The diversity ofindie-punk records, they have the scuzzyVegas. Felix Da Housecats CD is superior in Hazelby styles on here is massive with jazz, rhythmguitars, the out front vocals and the energy.a commercial sense because of his blatant and blues, gospel, hip-hop, soul etc. all obvi-An example of how to make a damn goodlack of risk taking. I can find little to recom- ous on different tracks. And there are loadsindie record, even if it is a bit indie by num- of good tunes including Aaron Neville’sbers. 7/10 I.P. ‘Hercules’ and Eddie Bo’s ‘Hook and Sling’. There is loads of honky-tonk piano andPAUL OAKENFOLD – Traveling Recommended Chuck Berry style rhythms. Think James(Perfecto) Brown and you’ll be nearly there. 8/10 A.W.Paul Oakenfold again lends his hands toDJ MUGGS – Soul Assassins Chapter 2 another Perfecto compilation featuring some(Rufflife) AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAILof the massive tunes of the late summer. AnSoul Assassins chapter 2 is the second solo OF DEAD – Madonna (Domino) album, which epitomizes those latealbum from Cypress Hill founder DJ Muggs. ….Are a band from Texas and this is theirevenings, and early morning dance antics inMuggs uses his influence to enlist some of the second album. Madonna has actually beenthe clubs across the nation and Europe. Sobiggest names in hip-hop for collaboration on out for a year now and it is only now thatif you want to hear Delerium, Azzido Dahis solo projects. Evident by the choice of fea- they have received recognition for theirBass, Planet Perfecto, Timo Maas, Utahtured artists, the focus of this album is riotous, emo/hardcore . ‘Madonna’ is fullSaints and the rest of the Perfecto allstarsgangster rap: GZA of the Wu-Tang clan, of epic songs consisting of raucous crescen-then this will be the album for you with itsEverlast, Xzibit and Kurupt all feature along doing guitars and the typical loud and quiettrance highs and lows fuelled by loops ofwith a host of other well known artists. ‘When song structure. Stand out tracks are ‘Floodfury and the effervescent vocals. If not thenThe Fat Lady Sings’ epitomises the feel of Red’ and ‘The Day The Air Turned Blue’.stay away, far away. 7/10 K.M. Muggs was looking for on this album. Big So if you are into your emo style guitar beats, haunting samples and slick rhymes are music then this is your Hagen Daas. 8/10THE GENTLE WAVES – Swansong Forall used to good effect. The special limited edi- K.M. You (Jeepster) tion version includes an excellent bonus track String instruments blended with fine and‘Back Up Off Me’, that really lifts Chapter 2 melancholic vocals make this second longabove current hip-hop offerings. Truly a worth- player by The Gentle Waves an ideal albumwhile purchase, Chapter 2 will appeal to fans of down and dirty hip-hop. 8/10 A.R. 2/11/00 Record Reviews cont & Live Reviews 11 Fred Durst claims he’s recreating the generation gap with nu-metal. In ’s world there is definitely a gap but it’s not one of age. Twelve year olds in Slipknot t-shirts stand next to goths in their thirties, welcome to the degen-Return to Gender eration gap of alternative against the world. The curtainRachel Stamp, , 28/10/2000 comes up and six people stand on the stage in Wicker Man style animal masks, behind them are neon gravestones andon the floor, jumping on the a backdrop of an eerie courtyard. A clanking beat rides overdrum kit, and hammering out a as rock’s most glam four piece run on and their spooky sup-mix of new songs and those port cast shuffle off. Lead singer, Dave Rider Prangley, bluefrom the debut album, ‘Hymns hair billowing out and a feather boa wrapped tightly aroundFor Strange Children’. Their his diminutive frame wails into the microphone as the bandnewly found following in the launch into, ‘My Sweet Rose’. Coming in somewhereteenage anti-pop generation between old school crotch rock and grunge there’s a lot ofassured, Rachel Stamp could screaming, a lot of twiddly solos, and a lot of stage play.finally breakthrough to the main- During a technical fault the crowd bays in a surge of hor-stream after years of cult status. mones and Dave stops twiddling his bass, “I’m not paid to do this”, he says, handing his bass to a tech, “I’m paid to do this”, and promptly minces around the stage to a backingAndrew Thomas beat with his arse hanging out his trousers. Bass working and trousers pulled up again it’s back to business, crawling Music Videos STEREOPHONICS COMPETITION! WIN A PIONEER STATE-OF-THE-ART DVD PLAYER

1ST PRIZE A PIONEER STATE-OF-THE-ART DVD PLAYER, PLUS THE NEW STEREOPHONICS DVD 'Call Us What You Want But Don't Call Us In The Morning'

2ND PRIZE STEREOPHONICS - Call Us What You Want But Don’t A SPECIAL & VERY RARE 10" VINYL BOX SET OF PERFORMANCE AND COCKTAILS, Call Us in The Morning (V2) PLUS EVERY CD SINGLE EVER RELEASED BY STEREOPHONICS. This Video features all the videos for the singles taken from PLUS THE NEW STEREOPHONICS DVD OR VIDEO the ‘Performance and Cocktails’ album with the exception of 'Call Us What You Want But Don't Call Us In The Morning' ‘Mama Told me not to come’ with Tom Jones. The collection is compiled as a documentary and features additional PLUS 10 RUNNERS UP PRIZES OF THE STEREOPHONICS VIDEO OR DVD behind-the-scenes footage from the making of the promos. 'Call Us What You Want But Don't Call Us In The Morning' They take on a journey from Thailand to Scotland, Italy and Australia and you get to see the band’s working life and the To be in with a chance of winning one of the above amazing prizes, all you need to do is answer the following activities they get up to. You see the Jaguar that won’t crash question and send the correct answer with your name and contact number to: in to the lake (from Just Looking) to picking the unlucky crew member who has to ask 200 Thai GI’s to get in the rain and [email protected] dance (Bartender and the Thief). An amusing video at times but I’d rather listen to them. 5/10 N.M. Q - What was the first ever Stereophonics release on V2 Records?

TALIB KEWLI & HI-TEK - Move Something (Rawkus) Rules - Strictly one entry per person. All entries must be received by 4th December 2000. Winners will be Ok, so this video is your standard rap one where the lead picked on 18th December 2000, and will be notified within 5 days. This competition is open to all, exclud- singer walks down a street strutting his stuff with pretty ing employees and agents of V2 Music, Visual Entertainment & Renegade/Music House. women watching in marvel from the pavements. Quite appalling to be honest and the song is laughable. 1/10 N.M. OFU 12 2/11/00 Film Review

BLAIR WITCH 2: BOOK OF SHADOWS Babes In The Woods Director: Joe Berlinger Babes In The Woods

After seeing the Blair Witch Project Somewhere in the midst of the fungled mirkwood of last year I was quite disappointed asthe state of Maryland lies Burkittesville. In this place, it didn’t live up to my expectationssome very bad things have been happening. For a after having seen the trailers. If youvery long time. like psycho/paranormal films then Blair Witch 2is the film for you. It fol-A small, earnest band of students set out to file a lows five people obsessed with thefilmed report on what seems to be a quaint rural leg- Blair Witch who venture into theend, albeit one with a decidedly grisly past, and ven- haunted woods hoping to catch ature boldly into the surrounding woods, which seem glimpse of the Blair Witch in action.to the legend and its past. Their fortifications against As you might have guessed, thingswhatever they may meet in the woods include a sin- don’t go according to plan but unlikegle copy of a map, a bundle of cameras, and no the first movie they do manage tomobile phone. get out of the forest without scream- ing or dying! The majority of the film is located outside the haunted for-But before long, one can't help but wonder whether est in a converted warehouse where the characters become convincedany of this is really going to matter for long. Because that they brought something back from the woods with them. the trap that unfolds in the dense gloom of the Burkittesville woods soon expands beyond all imag- The story progresses using flash- ining. backs and clips from the future, it can get confusing but it all ties OFU are screening Daniel Myrick & Eduardo together in the end. I found the act- Sanchez's grimly compelling horror thriller this Sunday at 8pm. Leave your expectations at theous odd personalities plunge into truly bizarre situa- ing very convincing from the whole tions, headfirst. cast but the story line wasn’t quite door... as strong and lacked the tension Starring an honourable Quick Stop clerk and the that the original film had. The following Monday, the mood lightens several shades of grey for Kevin Smith's scabrous debut, theworld's most unhelpful video store clerk - not to men- tion Smith's deserving-of-an-Oscar cameo as the pro- Most scary movies have rather predictable plots but one of the goodhilarious `Clerks`. Filmed on a similarly shoestring budget, and not for the easily offended, Clerks is afound Silent Bob - Clerks is a thrilling and intoxicating things about this film is that the plot was not predictable and each of the film about, well, not much. What, you want content characters were never what theyraw and outrageous film, without much of a plot, it's now, huh? seemed. The idea of a sequel totrue - but this is more than made up for by the surre- the Blair Witch Project was a goodal and exhiliratingly profane scenes we see as vari- Shoestring is not a term that could refer to Steven one but I think a bit more originality Spielberg's `Saving Private Ryan`. Described by was needed to help build up some some as the greatest war film ever made, the more tension in the film, it was poignancy and emotional drive of this picture was not hardly a scary ‘edge of the seat, bit- lost on many who saw it first time around, as the story ing your nails’ film and for a certifi- of the mission to save one man cate 15 it was fairly tame. after the Normandy invasion becomes a deep philo- 7/10 by Alison Danby sophical meditation on the sacrifices of war.

While some dismissed it as Spielberg making a play for the annals of `serious` cinema - whatever that is - the reality is that Saving Private Ryan is an inspired film created by a director at the height of his powers. Critically hailed for its visceral and shocking battle sequences and heartfelt performances, this film grabbed 11 Academy Award nominations and won five, including Spielberg's second Oscar for Best Director.

Saving Private Ryan is screening on Wednesday, at 8pm, in LTG.

Anthea Filmperson. Pubs & Food 2/11/00 13 PUBPUB REVIEREVIEWW PARPARTTDEUDEUXX

Food Review 2 An open kitchen and 5 pop art visages of acclaimed TV chef Ken Hom are the major features of town’s latest eatery. Guildford’s Yellow River Cafe is the sixth for the Chinese American, and his first outside London. Like his many, popular books Hom intends his restaurants to bring quality, sophisticated and yet reasonably priced oriental food to the masses.

He seems to have managed it with starters, main course and deserts costing on average £4.40, £6.95 and £3.25 respectively. A pick and mix 3 course meal costs just £11.80. (10% off delivery/take away). The trade mark imagination of Ken Hom shows through too on a varied yet seamless menu of dishes hailing from India, Thailand, China and Japan. There is a lack of choice compared to your usual take away where every possible combination of sauce and food is explored, but this makes the offerings more authentic. The restriction does not do too well for vege- tarians however, especially if the regime extends to fish.

The decor uses the Ying and Yang bright yellow and dark red of the Chinese flag to create a pleasant lively atmosphere. The frosted glass topped booths down one side seem to hark back to Hom’s days in his uncle’s diner style, Chicago restaurant. For small groups they increase what Hom describes as the harmony generated by communal eating.

In all, there’s no need to go to Woking for a Woking good time.

Yellow River Cafe is in Chapel St. (off High Street) opposite Cafe Rouge.

James Buller

Societies 2/11/00 15

I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of a Robin Hood type hero, not because of the It’s crucial whilst at University to broaden yourSaturday in the main Union tights, more to do with being an outlaw horizons and meet new people… that’s whyOFU showing ‘The Blair Witch Project’ on whose cunning always avenged wrong joining a society or club is such a great idea!Sunday and ‘Clerks’ on Monday doings to the poor and who was never With over 70 to choose from and the capaci- caught. So with this fantasy in mind, I trun- ty to start your own society there’s no excuse…to name just a few events! dled off to try my hand at the art of archery. for not getting involved. Most interests, be they music, religion, drama, Greek culture orAlso, on Monday 6thNovember don’t forget to There is one immediate drawback to par- cinema are catered for, not to mention reamscome to the Culture and Events committee taking in this sport, the time when its mem- of other weird and wonderful subjects. All(5pm Grant Mitchell Room), where you can bers convene; Saturday 12pm. Now at this societies are open to allstudents for free –have your say about what goes on in the time of the day I am normally waking up, You can join by leaving a note in the correctUnion, and also all societies must attend getting my weekly dose of Cat Deely and pigeonhole in the Union postroom, or alterna-Societies Standing Committee at 6pm on the then watching Footie Focus, I am not nor- tively visiting the Vice President Societies &same day in Lecture Theatre E. mally up and well enough to fire a potentially lethal weapon at an innocent target. Culture in the Students’ Union offices. Societies List Anyway, I arrived in the Campusport hall to find that my coursemate and friend of three The list below explains all societies available years, Nick Hubbard had the dubious honour of coaching me. So after giving me a to you. Most of these societies are active, Afro-Carribean, Biosoc, Liberal brief introduction to what I should do, he lined me up ten yards from a very large tar- although a few require keen new members toDemocrats, Arabic, Chem. Eng., get and told me to shoot. Now from this distance you would have thought any fool could resurrect the society after a period of inactiv- Netgamer, Chinese-Asian, at least hit the target, wrong. First arrow went about two yards over the target, hitting ity. Whatever your interest, don’t hesitate toChemistry, Photosoc, Cyprus, the far wall and bending in two places, basically irreparably broken (sorry guys). The contact the Students’ Union to find out whatChiropractic, Paintball, German, next two arrows went on target, one even remarkably almost in the centre gold circle we can do for you. Civ. Eng., RobotSoc, Hellenic, (beginner’s luck). Economics, Sci-fi & Anime, Iranian, You’ll be glad to hear that several new soci- Elec. Eng., St. John’s Link, For those who have no idea what archery is, in your hands is a rather large bow, eties have been created in recent weeks! IfJapanese, HCR/SOMMS, Catholic, attached to which is an arrow, the idea is to shoot from 20 yards to a target and end you’re interested in Funksoc, Mental Skillz Malaysian, Law, PGA, up as close to the centre of that target as possible. See, even easier to understand (drum n bass, garage, hiphop & rap), SonicMediterranean, Maths & I.T., SIS, than football. Boom (ambience, psychedelia and reggae), Nordic, Mech. & Mat., Russian, Third World Development, Physics or Yoga Orthodox, Nursing & Midwifery, Despite the obvious risks of such a sport, the safety record is impeccable. In the four and Meditation then the opportunities are RAG, Singapore, Nightline, Funk years that president Nadia Khan has been part of the club, she has not know of any now here! Soc, Taiwanese, Community Action, injuries. On top of this, there are more insurance claims for food poisoning at tourna- 3rdWorld Soc, Thai, Amnesty, LGB, ments than there are for every other type of ‘injury’ put together. Coming up soon some of our more estab- Turkish, Cheerleading, MSA, lished societies will be doing their stuff toChristian Union, OFU Cinema, GU2 I shot a few more arrows during the session, with the same high level of incompetence, show you what they’re made of. Look outRadio, Change Ringing, Stage Crew, but fortunately refrained from damaging any more equipment. Coach Nick told me that for:- Sonic Boom, Ballroom Dancing, for some people shooting arrows is perfectly natural, whereas others have to be taught Chess, Physoc, Dance/Emotive, over a period of time to go against their instincts in how to use the bow and arrow. I Gmas night on Thursday night in the HRB EARS, Yoga, MAD (Music & Drama), think it is safe to say I fall in the latter group. Mental Skillz playing on Friday night in theGreen Soc., No Wave, Game Soc, HRB Mental Skillz, Hazel Farm, Live, I think archery is one of these sports that everyone should try, some will love it, it is a GU2 hosting a ‘Naughty Nurses’ night on Jewish, Windband, Islamic very skilful sport with stamina rather than fitness essential. It is also a great way to release any pent-up aggression and there is also plenty of opportunity for competition for those that want it but no pressure on those that want to just go along and enjoy Notices persons walking along the themselves. path towards the subway Wednesday Novemberr stopped to enquire if the 8th Archery Club, Saturdays 12pm onwards, main Campusport Hall. ALL MEETINGS:-- drivers of the vehicles wereMature Student Association alright. One of the cars was AGM by Luke Hickey Friday 3rd Novemberr blue, the other a 1.15 Grant Mitchell Room Events Focus Group yellow clio. (Union) Luke’s Target is the one on theLeft 5pm Helyn Rose Bar (e-If you have any information mail please contact Matt in theThursday 9th November [email protected]) university post Ultimate Frisbee AGM room, or ring 01483 Time 7pm Monday 6th Novemberr 423268. Venue Union Culture and Events Thankyou. Committee Thursday November 9th 5pm GMR Food Allergy Funk Society Do you have a 7pm, Venue TBC Monday 6th Novemberr food allergy? International Societies And five minutes to fill in aThursday November 9th Standing questionnaire Nightline AGM - 18AD04 - 5.30pm LTE for my dissertation. 6PM Then call Hannah on exten- Monday 6th Novemberr sion 55427 Thursday November 9th Societies Standing and Third World Development Focus Group AGM 6pm LTE AGM’s 6.30pm - LTE

THURSDAY 9TH Thursday 2nd Thursday November 9th NOVEMBER 2000 Novemberr Student Industrial Society SIS SKILLS SOCIETY Arabic Society AGM AGM ANNUAL GENERAL Venue to be confirmed 6pm 7.30pm TB23 MEETING TIME: 7:30PM - 9:00PM Thursday 2nd Student Council Thursday 2nd Student Council PLACE: TB 23 Novemberr EGM Islamic Society EGM DIDYOU SEE... 6.30pm IslamicIslamic SocietySociety EGEGM Tuesday 14th November I am looking for 2 persons Venue to be confirmed 2nd Nov, 6.30pm LTE who witnessed an accident Election of strategic com- on the sliproad to the Monday 6th Novemberr mittee members 1pm Main Union A3 (travelling from the uni- 2000 All ISoc members please versity) on Tuesday the Karate Club AGM attend 19th September. The 2 UniSport Studio at 21:40 Lifestyle 16 2/11/00

Dr Russ POLICENOTICE

Dear Russ till then, confident that there should still be plenty of jobs around at that time. There have been two incidents of a male molesting women near the University at about I’m worried that exams are looming 6.30pm, one involving a student. The first incident was on the 17th October on the foot- and I still haven’t filled out all theThe final issue has to do with time-manage-path adjacent to the University towards Ash Grove, when a woman was indecently application forms which I intended to.ment. If you are someone who is good at get-assaulted by a male, 45 years 5 feet 6 inches tall, stocky build with short dark hair and What should I do? ting on with things through careful prioritisa-a square clean face. He was wearing square silver framed glasses and a navy blue thigh tion and a well organised lifestyle, then youlength coat. The second was on the 23rd October when a female student was walking Dear Ken might be able to squeeze a few more formsalong the footpath from the University to the Cathedral roundabout, she saw a male out of your busy schedule. If you are at theleaning against a post, as she walked over the A3 she was aware the man was follow- This is one of those questions for which thereother end of the spectrum you could haveing her, she ran off, the man pursued her for a short distance. He is described as 35 to is no right or wrong answer. There are allproblems! 45 years of age, 6 feet 3 inches tall, medium build with dark hair. He was also wearing sorts of personal issues involved. For exam- square shaped glasses and a dark coat and trousers, with a scarf partially covering his ple, how important is it that you have a defi- face. The Police think it is the same man in both cases, and are urgently trying to trace nite job offer before you leave? It goes with-Dr Russ Clark him. out saying that the more applications youHead of Careers Service Anyone with any information should contact the Police on Guildford 531111 and quote make, the more you increase your chances of crime reference WG/00/9620 and WG/00/9478. finding a job. Mind you, it is mainly the larger graduate recruiters who set early closing dates for receipt of application forms and they are also the ones who are the most difficult to get into. Simply making lots of applications does- n’t, unfortunately, guaran- tee you a job. Only you can decide whether you want to make the extra effort required to meet their deadlines and keep alive your chances of employment with them.

The next issue concerns your anticipated degree class. For example, are you on a borderline at the moment, e.g. First / 2.1, or 2.1 / 2.2? If you are, and you think that spending too much time on applica- tion forms will interfere with your chances of get- ting a higher class of degree , then you might prefer to put your job-hunt- ing activities on hold for the time being. By the way, about 30% of our graduates obtain their work by replying to adver- tisements. Since these are more likely to be avail- able nearer to the time you graduate, you could decide to put off applying

Cindy’s Minibus Every Monday Night Leaving Chancellors between 10pm –11.30pm Pick up from Cindie’s between 1.15am –2.30am Hazel Farm Every Wednesday and Friday Night Pick Up at Hazel Farm Bus stop (University) 1.45am –2.45am Gossip, Sex & The Universe 2/11/00 17

Big Sister LIFE Shocking reports from the fat con-though! there really any need for the high ductor at the station informed us pitched voice as well? AFTER this week that after a power cut inSkinny hippy boy, who’s the busty town on Thursday, one of thesociologist then!!! And she wasSnogs were flying around like they THE lamps put out for customer safetyginger – one of your colleagueswere going out of fashion, three was stolen!!! Students being noto-won’t be happy. ways and you know who you are, rious for stealing road signs are men with men, women with WOMB moving up a level and have stolenFetish night and what a turnout,women, this fetish night hit an a sophisticated lantern. GoodGeri Halliwell graced the unionexplosion of sexiness. There girls!! along with Wonder Woman. A par-should be more nights like it? I’m feeling brave. Not in the “shit-loads-of-knife-wielding-maniacs- ticularly gorgeous looking woman standing -in-front-of-me-so-I’ll-call-them-all-poofs-and-ask-them-to- The mysterious ladies were seenwith Pat Butcher earrings wasAJ, you may have been dressed have-a-go-if-they-think-they’re-hard-enough” kind of way, but more in wandering around campus flash-heard to boasting about his sizeas a girl but did you really need to the “my-mind-is-my-sword-and-no-one-can-answer-back-anyway- ing to...well, just about anyoneten figure. Bubble wrap was seenget your lollipop licked, and on the because-this-is-a-column-and-that-would-just-be-silly-so-i’ll-carry- who could be bothered to taketo be flying around having beendance floor, you’ll get a reputation on-and-not-actually-be-that-brave” kind of way. So, without further- notice. thoroughly popped by wanderingyou know?!! a-do, I shall put on my metaphorical bike helmet, knee-pads and pro- hands. A naughty looking police- tective gloves (KY jelly was optional in the ‘precaution’ department) Despite Channel 5 having a poorwoman had her radio stolen....If anyone out there has any excit- and tell you all about what I think about religion. signal, Andys aerial certainly didwere the lamp ladies at the unioning news for us write to us on gor- the trick. Watching pornographythat night too? [email protected] but As a subject, it seems to have caused a bit of furore over the past this week, and you’re a senior res- most of all remember we’ve still few weeks, especially in the pages of our own coveted Barefacts. It ident, aren’t you supposed to beA particularly dodgy Germangot our eye on you!! seems that one bloke was of the “religion-is-a-bit-cack-and-who-is- an upstanding member of theOlympic shot-putter named Helga, god-anyway?” sentiment, whilst other, more holy folk, were of the community? Those lap dancershad made lots of effort, the cropTinks & Winks “well-we-happen-to-think-that-god-is-the-bollocks-and-are-quite- were certainly worth watchingtop was beautiful honey, but was happy-to-force-free-tea-and-coffee-down-your-throats-to-prove-it” way of thought, and so we, the blank-minded -unable-to-make-up- our-own-minds little people of our own little utopias have ourselves a little problem - who are we to agree with? HHOROSCOPEOROSCOPESS(There’s an awful lot of hyphens and “little’s” in this aren’t there?) Ummm, how to put this, without sounding, well, opinionated? I think BYASTROLOGICALALISON the best way to do it would be to tell you my own thoughts on reli- gion, and then tell you that the fence on which I should sit because Scorpio Oct 24th - Nov 22nd Lucky cereal : sugar puffs. Cancer June 22nd - July 23rd This is a great week for all you You’ve been meaning to go to the I’m writing for a paper doesn’t actually exist, and that if I had a nuclear weapon, I’d happily use it on one of the groups of people scorpions out there so make thePisces Feb 20th - Mar 20th doctor’s about that little problem of most of it. Spend loads of money,As this is my star sign all pisceansyours for weeks now. You must go mentioned earlier. drink loads of beer and generallywill obviously have a fantasticthis week because the stars show live life to the max. week filled with joy and happinessthat next week the pain may 1990...the World Cup Final on a Sunday evening...did I get to see it? Did I bollocks. My parents had decided that church attendance and Lucky cereal : weetabix (and alcohol of course!) become excruciating. Lucky cereal : shredded wheat.Luck cereal : rice crispies. waving hands in the air was a much more beneficial way for a 10 year old boy to spend his evening, instead of witnessing his first Sagittarius Nov 23rd - Dec 21st Aries Mar 21st - April 20th Leo July 24th - Aug 23rd World Cup Final and all that goes with it (whatever that might have been. That’s it, you see: I wouldn’t know - I didn’t get to see the shit- If you walk up Guildford HighThis is a great week to make newAn out of body experience is in Street this week be sure to salutefriends. You shouldn’t have to paystore for you on Monday. Just sit ting thing). Someone should have reminded me that parents know best, because it certainly didn’t feel that way at the time. every man you see wearing a hat.them but if you do then try usingback and enjoy it. If you do not do this bad luck willmonopoly money. It always worksLucky cereal : weetos Sometime A.D....lots of people at a wedding in Canaan, Galilee. be forced upon you next week. for me. Lucky cereal : tesco value frostedLucky cereal : Honey nut loops.Virgo Aug 24th - Sept 23rd (You know, the whole ‘water into wine’ thing). Imagine - you’ve rid- den your chariot to the wedding and are drinking water because flakes. I’m afraid this week is going to go Taurus April 21st - May 21stfrom bad to worse. To start with you’ve got to drive/ride home and don’t want to get caught drink-driv- ing because otherwise you’ll lose your license. Then suddenly, some Capricorn Dec 22nd - Jan 20thBuy the man or woman in your lifeyour umbrella will blow inside out Check your diet this weeka present. There are two reasonsand you will drown on the way bloke, claiming to be the ‘son of god’, turns all of the water (your passport to a clean license, remember) into bloody wine, and you’re because I don’t think you are get-for this 1. You’ll probably get aback from Tesco and by the end of ting enough iron. Get your Grannysnog to say thank you. 2. They’llthe week your life won’t seem left with the decision of a) drinking nothing and suffering from the effects of dehydration ‘cus it’s so bloody hot or b) having a couple of to send you some money to helpfeel guilty and buy you somethingworth living. Don’t despair, things buy you some fresh rump steak forin return. will get better. glasses of wine and losing your license. I think you see what I’m get- ting at...as far as I’m concerned, Jesus condoned drink-driving, and your tea. Luck cereal : Ready Brek Lucky cereal : honey nut loops. Lucky cereal : museli. even went as far as to give the drivers free alcohol...christ knows what the effects of that could have been - but, funny enough, we Gemini May 22nd - June 21stLibraSept 24th - Oct 23rd Aquarius Jan 21st - Feb 19thDon’t forget that its your turn toAn encounter with a stranger wouldn’t know: the bible doesn’t say, does it? Make sure you exercise yourbuy the toilet roll and washing upwearing a monkey suit will bring tongue this week because theliquid this week. you luck this week so keep your Is this the example we should follow? Should the religious types out- side the union on a Friday night not be giving us hot drinks, but in fact stars are spelling out some seri-Lucky cereal : All bran. eyes (and bananas) peeled. ous action next week. Pukka up. Lucky cereal : coco pops. giving us hard liquor as their ‘leader’ himself did? Should we all not, in fact, be conscientious followers of the laws of the land, but in fact bugger the laws and go around stealing fish and bread (five loaves and two fishes feeding the five thousand my arse...Jesus was a Personals shop-lifter as well as a drunkard) and increase the number of shop- lifting cases from the one-stop shop? Should we all proclaim that www.chipsstilisanallyretentive.com T i want your body now! Covered in we do not tolerate homosexuality and transexuality, or anything that So, cream swallowing girl, was coat-sweetcorn and strawberries! Love wog luke - how about pulling a birdroom boy good? No tounges though? xx isn’t heterosexuality for that matter, in our society whilst at the same instead of a sheep? (with a gingerShame on you!!! time adorning ourselves in long gowns and silly pointy hats whilst sheen) House 51 knows what you did on the running around with little alter boys who know no different? Is it real- Sheep boy, please deflate Dolly andactual landing. They’re disgusted. Martial arts have never looked sokeep the noises down!! ly right to believe in a force that, having already ‘sacrificed his only attractive as they did on Friday. HELP..... LOST...... Friends looking for son’, then goes ahead and inflicts innumerable counts of pain and F*Ck me boots girl, where were ya!!lost sheep, last seen wandering off to suffering on his oh-so-loyal followers? (Please, remind yourself of I would still go for “the short one” regar-“waiting for a call!” I’ll bet, sort it out!!pastures in search of Male mate.....All the atrocities of the Holocaust, and remember that Jesus himself was dles of her “prudish” dress sightings please relpy to note....UkTB Scott, Show us the porn and we’ll return supposed to be a Jew - not a nice way to treat you own, I’d say). errr, errr, the chocolate cake is errrrArthur!! Brahms-boy: nice legs - tell me your I’m sorry, but I’m afraid my answer to all of these questions would good with errrr cornichons au chocolat, shagging techniques have to be no - in my head, it makes no sense, and so I’ll have to n’est-ce pas, yum, yum! love LB Who let the Sheep out...ba ba ba ba! side with the thought that religion is a bi-product of a society looking I’d love to see foamy member try andCaptin Scarlet still needs your help STAG HILL COURT SOCIAL COMMIT-get into your bondage gear...gaffa tapePaul. From The Mysterons for an identity: unfortunately, instead of appreciating the diversity that TEE PRESENTS...... - yum! culture can offer, some people follow a spent force that is fast grow- Comedy Nite at Electric Theatre on Stag Hill are the best SOCIALLY!!!! ing out-dated and out of place, preaching irrelevant fantasies to a Sunday 5th Nov. 8:30pm, Tickets £5 -Big Sister....it’s MRS Sheep to you! UkTop Banana limited numbers!! declining number of people willing to listen. Just look at the pope...if Christmas Shopping in London, TicketsBig Ben - your feather tickled meWoggy and Scoot, get it together!!! he’s not the perfect symbol of the state of the church, then I don’t for coach Trip £5, Date: TBA *pink*, but not as good as *big boy* know what is: old, decrepit and hanging on for the sake of hanging Christmas Dinner on Friday 15th Dec.Jason’s mayo xxx bisous xxx et a laaseituna aseituna - where art thou 7pm Tickets £TBA - LIMITED NUM-prochaine xxx acieutuna...?! on. Please, do us all a favour J.P.II, and just let go. BERS!!! Now, where did I put that nuclear weapon? Adverts 18 2/11/00 2/11/00 Sport 19 SurreySurrey PridPridee Green Witch Sporting Vernacular Slaughtered

UniS Squash launched their assault on thegame! Blimey! A decent edition on the sports opposition then its better still, but not BUSA title last Wednesday with a 5-0 dem- side of things. Miracles will happen. essential. So there is no excuse for not olition of Greenwich University. The dayNow we come to our handicapped players writing anything just because you haven’t started with all five of us cramming into afor the day, First string, Mike Willmor, (blind!Seriously, it has been great to see more won anything yet. Other non-competative Corsa for a nice little journey round the-glasses broken in drunken incident) andpeople submitting bits and bobs. Althoughclubs should also get in touch, if everyone M25, great with our small kit bags! ArrivingCaptain, Chris Petch (two week lay off dueMountain Walking and Surfing are still hears about what you have been getting half an hour early we arrived to find ourto illness). Our Captain started with a veryleading the way, some of the competativeup to, you might get some more converts. opposition ready and wanting. gentlemanly approach, allowing his oppo-clubs are catching up. Sounds like they site number to lead all the way in the firstare having quite an easy time. 62 -2 in Photos are allways welcome, even if they We started in fine form with our Fifth stringgame before deciding that he really shouldNetball, 5 - 0 in Squash and a little more only cover the post match celebrations. (Stuart Morbin) demonstrating some awe-win, a similar tack won the second and heeven 4 - 3 in Mens Hockey. Mens Hockey, please note this does not some placement of the ball, sticking it in theclosed the match out with a bit of class, a 9- mean we can print anything (final para- nick almost every time for two and a half0 win. Mike tried as hard as Chris had to letKeep up the winning and don’t forget to tellgraph). We want to keep some kind of stan- games and finishing off with some greathis opponent win, but the opposition justus about it. If you don’t win tell us anyway.dards in place! length. Fourth string went to Surrey for thedidn’t want to know. With Mike’s unerringlyTaking part is most important, if you can do loss of only two points, with Martin Pageconsistent drops (in the tin!) the chanceswell its even better and if you cream the Chops playing some excellent length, pushing thewhere there for Greenwich to chalk up their opposition to the back to then cut them outfirst win of the tie, but Mike proved up to the with some precision drops. Paul Chancetask of playing first string, grinding his oppo- Heart Stopping played extremely well at Second stringnent down to close out a tight three game proving too fit and fast for the oppositionvictory. Victory (good job to as he was driving and could not afford to clock up any penalties in the bar!).With all of us playing into form qualificationThe Men’s Hockey Second Eleven retainedthe ball up field to the Jew on the half way With his trademark hard-hitting game hefrom our group looks assured! The bar wastheir 100% win record in the BUSA compe-line. Unfamiliar with dribbling he somehow just proved too much for Greenwich to han-duly hammered afterwards with the UniS tition with a stunning victory over Kingston.managed to do so passed the defence and dle, closing out for the loss of three points.squad ending up like our opposition –The match provided many moments ofinto the D. None were more shocked than Strings five, four and two, won for the lossSlaughtered! drama from the first whistle right down tohe was as the second goal squeezed in of only nine points – only enough to win one the final strike of the game.from an uncomfortably tight angle. Surrey were lifted and after more pressure provid- Surrey started very strongly with a Southed by the wide men Surrey produced a third African instigated passing game that hadcourtesy once more from the Jew. the opposition running in circles. Then afterSubstitutions were called for as the freshers ten minutes of continuous pressure aJames and Stuart were tired after working Surrey free hit taken from just outside the Dtremendously hard down the line through- connected with James “The Jew”out the game. Fresh legs were on and soon Shepherd’s stick and was flicked passedsome fluid passing play put through goby the keeper for the first. This was nearlyfresher “Chef” for the fourth. The drama was added to a few moments later however itfar from over. Kingston seemed incensed by would go down as the most noticeable missthis comeback and the pressure was of the game. The portly and foolish leftgreater than ever. Heroic efforts by the back winger claimed “I didn’t know what day itfour (Spanky, Martin, Sonic and the Ladies was” after scooping the ball wide from aMan) kept out the ever pressing Kingston couple of feet away from the open goal.attack. Most noticeably South African inter- Surrey seemed to sit back after this andnational drinker Martin stopping the ball on soaked up the pressure until the mostthe line and keeper Socket pulling of a great unlikely flood since the days of Noah’s Ark.reaction save to push the ball wide in the Just before the half time whistle Kingstondying seconds. struck three times dashing the spirits of the Surrey team. Post match celebrations continued long into the night in the Varsity centre, Union and in Three - one down at half time, Surrey skip-the bedrooms of a select few young ladies. per Simon “Socket” Edward’s passed inspi-In a post match interview, Two’s captain rational words on to the team and to theSocket was quoted as saying “This is a tes- female Umpires. The team didn’t seem astament to the hard work they’ve all put in inspired as the umpire, as when the secondover the last few weeks. Everyone on the half began Surrey was again under pres-team played well and the Jew is a lucky sure. However out of the blue a tackle byBastard. In the end Surrey Hockey was the Rob “Spanky” Parrot was passed to Southreal winner.” African international Andy who, in turn, fired

Surrey Sport - True Pride

Were they blind? No! WasThey had no umpires, bentin defence. Shales stood it a netball court? No! Didposts and courts coveredstrong, shooting like a troop- they play? Questionable?with leaves and cow pats.er. BBF, nice one luv! Could they play? Not likely.True courage prevailed asWrinkly and The Don ruled we ordered the courts to bethe courts umpiring - they Surrey firsts netball teamswept before we played.can blow like no one else! were down on the farm thisNevertheless, like naturalAnd me, Vacant, what can I week. Over the hills, roundchampions, we pounded thesay, simply the best - call the bends, through the fieldsopposition despite theme Tina. we travelled. Our oppo-efforts of the Gruesome, nents were the farmers ofGinger German. MonicaWith a final score of 62 - 2 to Wye Agricultural College.switched from GK to C,Surrey, we truly are the one As the sheep pulled out wedemonstrating her skill andand only Pride of Surrey. pulled in. flexibility. Maureen and Sexy Beast enchanted us allBy Vacant and Co. SURRESURREYYPRIDPRIDEE

SAS SURFTOUR- BOURNEMOUTH

I had to get up at 5.30am, I had to spend six hours onwhat will be happening in the the train and I had to carry my surf board over a longfuture. Contrary to their name, enough distance that my shoulder were heavilythe SAS don’t just look after bruised but most importantly I had one of the bestthe interest of surfers. They times of my life. The Surfers Against Sewage Surfwant to see improvements for Show Tour definitely got off to a fantastic start whenall water users and this it went to Bournemouth for the day. includes inland water bodies Firstly there was surf. Secondly it was pretty good surfwhich are virtually never used especially for the South Coast this far East. It was not par-by surfers. So if there are any ticularly big but some of the large sets were a very decentcanoeists (for example) out size. More importantly the waves were breaking prettythere who want to see an cleanly. All the essential ingredients were there for a decentimprovement to our Rivers, surf with the professional and champion surfers that werethey would be well advised to taking part in the tour. Lee Bartlett (2x British Champion)join. Although water quality is certainly took full advantage of the conditions and got somemuch better than it has been, good air of the top of a nice Bournemouth wave. Other topthere is still a lot more that can British surfers, Rob Barber (2x British Champion), Warrenbe done. A scary example is Llewellyn (British Champion), Gutz Griffiths (Europeanthat fully treated waste at dis- Champion) and Sarah Whiteley (British 3rd) also shared thecharge is often cleaner than surf with the locals and a few other visitors. Others helped-the sea at an EC passed coach in a well attended free surf school. A whole range ofbeach. Considering that full ter- The surf school heads off into the water ages turned up for the free surf school, the majority beingtiary treatment is as cost effective as primary treatment andgoing to survive an eight stage tour where each day is young school kids but there were also several teenagersdischarge through mile long off-shore pipes, it is surprisingpacked so full?” I will let you all know as if all goes accord- and a couple of adults. They were all lucky enough to behow many water companies still resist calls for full treat-ing to plan I will beat the final stage a the Houses of taught by one of the countries best female surfers, Tracyment. More goody bags were given out after the lecture. Commons and will be able see how everyone is feeling. Boxhall (2x British Champion). Afterwards everyone got a After a free lunch (cheers John) we all headed into For more details and loads more photos, check the club free goody bag. Bournemouth town center for a signing session at one of thewebsite (or e-mail me – [email protected]) With one fun part (surfing) over, we headed toJust Add Water shops. Again this proved to be a very pop-www.geocities.com/surreysurf2/sasbournemouth.html. You Bournemouth University for the more serious side of theular part of the day, not that the lecture had been poorlycan join the SAS online (www.sas.org.uk/) or by speaking to tour. There an information stand was set up and a lectureattended. The shop was crammed full of a range of people,me. was given. The lecture gave details of the SAS campaignall eager to get the signatures of some the countries best for improved water quality, the part the media plays andsurfers. Posters were very popular but several peopleChops wanted their boards to be signed as well. I had a few posters and a free T-shirt (cheers SAS) signed for me and at least one poster will be available as a raffle prize latter this year. I had to call it a day before the evening party started as I had a long train journey ahead of me. If it was anything like a typical SAS party, however, it would have been amazing. Judging from the number of tickets that were sold during the signing session, I think it must have been as well attended as all of the previous events had been. The only Some young fans with a freshly signed poster. question is “How are the pros The experienced surfers had a good session.

MOUNTAINWALKING

If you thought you got wet and cold last weekend, just imag-driving back through narrow and twisting country roads withThe next day dawned bright and clear, not a cloud in the sky, ine what it could have been like, sleeping in tents amidst tor-a 17% gradient… however it was heard on the radio that a caravan park in rential rain and strong winds. Yes, the Mountain Walking Sussex had been demolished by very strong winds – I Club set out last weekend for a weekend camping in theWe had tried to get back in time to make the most of theguess we were lucky! After another fry-up (what would we Cotswolds. Sainsbury’s Café 2 for 1 meal deal, however by the timedo without you, Mike?) we went out for a shorter walk to see everyone had had hot showers (in the best toilet and show-the Devil’s Chimney. It was sunny by then and we had Fortunately Eva passed her minibus driving test on Fridayer block we have EVER experienced!) it was too late, so weincredible views across Cheltenham. Look out for photos in morning and was able to drive us on Friday evening.went to the local pub where we were able to wangle a 10%barefacts. Congratulations Eva, you were fantastic! discount on the food. This turned out to be the best choice – later in the evening, we were entertained by a man with aThe way back was fairly uneventful, with a quick shopping The drive up was somewhat longer than anticipated.guitar and his singer. Yet another unknown talent was dis-trip in Oxford included. Evan just about found his way back Although we left campus at 6.45pm, we didn’t arrive at thecovered here: Heidi seemed to know most of the songs, andto Hazel Farm, and poor Pete had to drive back to Redhill. campsite until well past midnight, due to traffic accidentswas singing along so loudly that she was invited to join theIt was the first trip for Jose, Natalie and Eleanor, who coped and hold-ups on the M4. Luckily the manager was an under-singer at the microphone! When Heidi stars in the top ten,very well in the poor conditions. Thanks to Ben and Simon standing type, and came out to meet us as we arrived.remember you saw it here first!! for coming in from their placement years, it is great that they Perhaps he thought it was unusual to have a group of 10 keep in touch. arrive in a minibus and camp at the end of October? WeEventually they managed to get us all up dancing (we had were certainly the only campers at the site! spent a fair amount of money on alcoholic beverages), andAll in all, we had a great time despite the weather, and are we called for so many encores, the landlady got upset (italready planning the next trip. If you are interested, please Having put the tents up, we slept well despite the rain untilwas midnight and she wanted to close the bar!). Howevercontact Maddie at [email protected] or come nearly 10am. After one of Mike’s now famous fry-ups, wethen she said that she wouldn’t let us out until we’d allto one of our meetings in the Teaching Block foyer 1pm drove to Cheltenham to find a map of the area, and finallydanced to one more song! Tuesdays. New members are always welcome! started a walk at midday! It stayed dry for approximately half an hour, and then it rained, for the rest of the day with fewWas it sheer fluke that the locals let out a cheer as we leftMM breaks. We got back to the bus very soggy, and Eva had funthe pub? I think not.