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18/03/99 The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper No 961

Win the Brits ‘99 CD and a Chancellors SURFC lose as Bottle of Logo Captain is Champagne Challenge legless again! p6 p6 p12 Spaced out University marking for charity risks discrimination

he National Union of commitment to an across- in Scotland, Asian students recommends that “our edu- Students, with the the-board anonymous mark- made up 20% of the stu- cation system must face up Tbacking of The ing system and will be urg- dents on one course but 80% to the problems, real and Commission for Racial ing students to send printed of those students who were potential, which exist”. Equality and The Equal postcards demanding failed were Asian; at a uni- Opportunities Commission, change. Over 8,000 post- versity in South West Recommendation 70 states is calling for a universal sys- cards have already been sent England, 62 % of students that “Police Services, local tem of anonymous marking. by concerned students. believed that their marks Government and relevant The Campaign comes would improve if a system agencies should specifical- against the background of Research has shown that at a of anonymous marking was ly consider implementing research which shows dis- London university, black introduced. community and local ini- crimination in university students’ marks were 4.2% tiatives aimed at promot- assessments across the lower than white students; at This campaign is particular- ing cultural diversity and country. NUS and students’ a university in Wales 42% of ly poignant as the addressing racism and the ever mind the at circuits!), suffered from unions around the country men got firsts or an upper MacPherson report , the need for focused, consis- impression that kids what is technically known will be lobbying university second while only 34% of investigation into the tent support for such Ngive us, space hop- as Severe Fluffing officials this Easter for a women achieved the same; Stephen Lawrence enquiry, initiatives”. ping is not fun. Through the Exhaustion. Although annals of time our memories lighter and more experi- National Conference - A Look Ahead of smashing up the house enced I also suffered a simi- racing around on space hop- lar fate. We did however s you read this, input their view on what current National Executive your behalf and setting up pers have been distorted. succeed in our aims without NUS National topics and campaigns NUS Committee accountable for contacts with Unions across This may be down to making idiots out of our- AConference will be should be concentrating on, their work over the previous the country. Each year the parental justice for our trou- selves at all. We raised £52 drawing to a close following National Conference was year and elects the new com- Conference debates the bles or due to copious in cash donations during the four days of intense political formed. mittee for the year to come. Priority motions voted for amounts of semi legal sub- day and have £212 of spon- debate. The National Union by Unions during winter. stances. It is not only less sorship money to collect so of Students (NUS) was The Winter Gardens in Earlier this semester, you The four topics prioritised fun than getting your bikini please pay up promptly. formed by a Handful of Blackpool is the historical elected six representatives by Unions are Life Long line done (so CJ tells me) it Thanks to all those generous Universities in 1922 and has home of NUS National to attend this years Learning, Student Funding, is also more tiring than sat- sponsors and donators and grown ever since with a Conference, and for four Conference. They are Student Health & Housing isfying 23 nymphomaniacs ( abuse to all those who total member ship now in days a year students from all Harriet Sims, Delegate and NUS Democratic I can tell you). Despite thought we were doing it for excess of 850 Student walks of life descend on the Leader, Daniel Jones, Reform. There will be a full weeks of training even CJ, a fun. Union. To ensure that every hotels and guest houses of Marcus Mayers, Tom report of Conference in the strapping athlete (often seen lots of love Jase & CJ Constituent Member has the Blackpool to discuss issues Sherwen, Gill Venables and new Union Magazine, to be fairest topics and most that are important to stu- Nick Walsh. These repre- published after Easter. FREE MINI-BUS democratic opportunity to dents. Conference holds the sentatives will be voting on Look out for details. Service 1/2 Hourly Starts 17.35 6PM LTD Starts From SENATE Steps to 1. Varsity Centre (entrance) STUDENT COUNCIL 2. Gill Avenue (Hospital entrance) 3. Egerton Road/Park Barn Drive Thursday March 25th 1999 4. Aldershot Road to Northway 5. Sheperd Lane to Stoughton Road Tell us what you think of Show Me 6. Manor Road to Woodbridge Hill The Money Week and any of your bright ideas! 7. A3 to the University via Tesco car park on return jour- neys between 7pm and 9pm to pick up student shoppers Free bottle of Carlsberg Ice to the first and via the Varstiy Centre on return Journeys between 24 people to arrive at Student Council and 9.35pm abd 10.35pm. stay for the whole thing!

News 1 n Letters 2&3 n Politics 4 n Ents 5 n Union & Competitions 6/7 Music 8/9 n What’s On/Films 10 n Notices & Crossword 11 n Surrey Pride 12 ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 2 (1,1)

2 18/03/99 Your Letters Note From the Editor Editor Demanding Value for Money Since this is the last Barefacts Finally I woulld like to remind Tom Sherwen before the Easter break I have everyone that you are all entitled to Dear Ed, evening? Two Millers premium But multiply that minor gain by the pork pies, priced at 0.95, charged at number of students and the number ([email protected]) allowed the immediate right of an opinion. reply to this weeks letters. I would As someone on campus staring at a 0.99. I’d previously stopped buying of products, and you can see why also like to emphasise that the Whether you agree with someone, computer screen long into the digestive biscuits because they such an activity is illegal under the Deputy Editor Editor has complete editorial con- or not, their opinion represents night, I depend on the One Stop were priced wrongly - in favour of Sale of Goods Act. This is system- trol over all submissions and is not their freedom of thought. Grocery Store next to the library the shop, of course. atic behaviour on the part of the Vacant obliged to publish all letters. restaurant (sorry, “Rushes”) for shop, and it’s fraudulent. Having a buying those late-evening snacks. Sure, it is only a couple of pence captive market is no excuse. for you, and by the time you’ve Arts Editor What role for Security? However, the One Stop consistent- queued up you don’t want to waste Demand the price on the shelves. Daniel Jones Dear Barefacts Loads of people banged on the ly charges more for items than is time arguing the point with whoev- Demand better value for money. I am writing to you Union doors to get help, and when displayed on the price tags on the er is unlucky enough to have the Cheers, L ([email protected]) because there is a serious problem they finally did answer the security shelves. The latest example this part-time job there that evening. which needs to be solved. On staff said it wasn’t their responsi- Wednesday (10/3) night there was a bility. This is stupid when someone Student Council - Decision Time! News Editor nasty fight outside the Union. could have got seriously hurt. I James Buller These are bound to happen now hope that upon reading this letter Dear Bare Facts, ence rather than to a minority. population. and again, but what we didn’t that the Union will resonsider it’s ([email protected]) expect was that the security staff security policy. I am not entirely sure why I am Before student apathy is blamed And on a final note - beer prices. I would do nothing to resolve it. Thank you Mat bothering to write this letter, as I (yet again!) for the low attendance know that the Union beer subsidis- am sure that it will be rubbished by at these meetings, I think that the es the minibus run out to Hazel Features Editor Dear Barefacts, should include entering and leaving somebody from within the Union Union needs to look at itself and Farm, but I really don’t see where Nick Walsh the premises. At closing time close clique. And don’t bother trying to ask why there is this lack of inter- all the money goes. Our beer prices What is the role of our Unions to 1000 people are being turfed out deny that it exists - I have been at est. I can’t pretend to know what are cheaper than town, that is cor- ([email protected]) security staff? I am asking this into a small area and this is bound the University since 1993 and in “turns on” undergraduates - maybe rect, but surely the rents in town are after an incident that happened on to invoke fracas. It is at times like my time here very little seems to someone will respond and let you higher than for the Union? And can Wednesday night (10.3.99). The this when I should hope that securi- have changed. know, but you are certainly ignor- someone please explain to me why Music Editor incident I refer to was a brutal fight ty can provide us with some degree ing a large postgraduate population. we are paying more for our beer Andrew Thomas that broke out in the alleyway by of ‘safety’. If this situation hap- Firstly, I felt that Andrew Last year as a new postgrad, I than in large cities - Manchester, the cash machine outside the Union pened outside a nightclub the Jackman’s letter was exceedingly joined the PGA in an attempt to Nottingham, Birmingham, Bristol. ([email protected]) at closing time. Being worried for bouncers would undoubtedly step unfair to Andy Gale. Andy is some- give something back to the Given that we buy our beer through peoples safety a group of us tried to in and deal with it, even though it is one who has been, and in fact con- University for all the great times I the NUS, surely our beer prices alert the security staff as to the outside. If nothing but to protect tinues to be, extremely active with- has here as an undergrad. On the should be comparable to to other Sports Editor urgency of the situation. This the nightclub from gaining a bad in the Union. This hardly seems to whole this was an enjoyable time, Unions around the country. Or Paul Cliff proved quite a task! When ten peo- name. be a good reason to slag him off in and an awful lot was acheived. could it be that as a private club our ple are banging on the front doors it Bare Facts. It seems to me that this However, we continually came up Union is run for profit rather than ([email protected]) isn’t just because someone has left This type of situation is saddening is happening for the simple reason against the problem of sabbaticals for the benefit of its students? a jacket inside! There were at least especially as often innocent that he is not afraid to stand up and who could not understand the spe- a score of security staff in the bystanders get unwillingly caught criticise the Union. Surely someone cific needs of postgrads. And who Anyway, I am sure that I will Commercial Manager entrance foyer and the only up and hurt in the crossfire, some- who is as involved as Andy is in a could blame them as they have receive the same treatment as Andy Vacant response we got was a shrugging of times even leading to death. How good position to make these com- never experienced them. That was Gale and all those who have gone the shoulders and a sign to go will the Union react if faced with ments. And as for his lack of solu- fair enough, but to continually be before him in criticising anything away. After more persistance that for publicity? The security tions, he seems to state quite clear- told what your needs are from peo- that happens within our esteemed someone finally came and staff do do an excellent job inside ly in his letter that the Student ple who don’t know is ridiculous. (?) Union building! unlocked the door. When we told the building so can we please see Council Meetings need to be adver- Maybe the Union needs to remem- them of the situation they replied that extended to having a presence tised more and debate issues of ber that Student Council meetings Yours sincerely, that it wasn’t their responsibility in the surrounding area? At least interest to the wider student audi- need to appeal to the whole student Fiona Warner and prompty locked themselves until the majority of customers back in. have dispersed because sometimes re: Student Council Deadline for Publication push does come to shove! Monday 10am So what is their responsibility? I Dear Editor, from many societies, sports and bers of societies within the Union believe that they are employed to Yours, I would like to query some points amenities, through Bare Facts and must not be forgotten. At present look after customer safety and this Guy Brown. raised in a letter published in last meetings, e.g. Student Council. I they are forced to go to Student weeks Bare Facts by Andrew haven’t heard any complaints about Council meetings under the threat Bare Facts is an editorially independent Jackmann. them. If people do not ‘hear an of their ‘funds’ being frozen. These newspaper, published by the University Re: Role of Security of Surrey Students' Union awful lot’ from Societies then a) active students give up much of Communications Office. Dear Editor, staff controlling the queue into a Primarily why has Mr. Jackson they don’t know it exists and is their spare time help run societies The views expressed within the paper specifically involved the PGA in active and b) they can not be prop- and without the societies there are those of individual authors, and do Friday Night Out - as this is part of not necessarily represent the views of I write in reply to the letters written the event, the staff are covered by his reply regarding student council erly informed of the societies role would be very little reason for the the Editor, the Editorial Board, the regarding Union Security Staff. the insurance. When the event is meetings? There was no mention of within the Union. Union to exist. Why should these University of Surrey Students' Union or the PGA in the original letter from people be forced to go to meetings the University of Surrey. The safety and security of the cam- finished, this rule no longer applies. This publication may not be reproduced pus falls under the jurisdiction of At this point, University Security Mr. Gale. As an active committee Thirdly, the Student Council meet- when they already play a major part in whole or in part, stored in any form, the University Security team, based staff come into play. It is their member of the PGA, who attends ings are badly advertised. Yes stu- in the running of the Union.? Why copied or distributed, without the express student council meetings, I would dents are informed of the meetings, doesn’t the Union try to encourage permission of the publisher. in Senate House. They monitor the responsibility to intervene in any All submissions must include the author's cameras, residences, car parks and incidents which occur ou side of our like to inform Mr. Jackson that at but only if you are at the first stu- people who have no involvement name and Union or Staff Number. generally ensure the safety of stu- building and after closing time. the last student council meeting the dent council meeting of the within the Union except drinking to Submission is no guarantee of PGA was well represented with Semester or read the small print on turn up to Student Council publication. dents on campus. Union Security There is an infra-red camera watch- Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles staff are employed by the Union to ing the main Union entrance all the 60% of the PGA committee being the front of BareFacts. It is worry- Meetings and bring along some will not be published. ensure the safety of students whilst time which is linked to the TV mon- present and as for the number of ing when the time of a student new, fresh ideas? Perhaps if the Bare Facts reserves the right to edit members of the PGA at the meet- council meeting actually becomes a Student Council Meetings were submissions. inside the Union building and are itor screens in the security office in entirely separate from the guys in Senate House. Unfortunately the ing, it is very easy to work out. question in the Chancellor’s quiz. If moved to the dance floor of the Senate House. Anyone who oper- incident occurred out of sight of the Every taught or research master’s the Student council meetings were Union and held at 23:00 on a Printed by ates as a security guard must have camera. student and every PhD student is advertised as well as Silly Night Friday Night at least they would be East End Offset (TU), suitable insurance, to protect them- automatically a member of the and the Friday Night Out are, per- quorate and have a reasonable per- PGA. Count the number of post- haps more people would attend. (Or centage and mixture of students Bow, London, E3 3LT selves and others from injury. The Union and Senate Security Union staff are insured to supervise enjoy a good working relationship. graduates at the meeting and I per- even advertise it on the Silly Night present. the Union building only - they can- It disturbs me to hear that this sys- sonally think that we were ade- posters!) quately represented. Yours sincerely, © USSU Communications not operate in any other area on tem is not operating as it should. campus, be it on Union Hill or We must co-ordinate our efforts in There is apathy among many stu- Jayne Elliott Office 1998 Twyford Court. future to prevent this from happen- Secondly what is the problem with dents at this university, which does ing again. ‘hearing an awful lot about the lead to low attendance at meetings, An active member of 4 societies, You may have seen Union security Harriet Sims Union President Postgraduate Association’. Nearly but the large number of active stu- who does turn up to Student every week we ‘hear an awful lot’ dents, who are (committee) mem- Council Meetings Bare Facts Lack of Communication? Union House University Of Surrey Dear Editor, which we know could be “wrong” ■ People actually knew about the Finally, and more importantly, it adverts for Student Council apart Guildford we should be doing things which we damn thing. There needs to be adver- seems to me that half the business from the odd one liner in Bare Facts Surrey In last weeks Bare Facts there was a know are “right”. tising, posters and announcements at brought to student council has and also why it is so difficult to get letter from Andrew Jackman regard- least a few days before the meeting already been decided. For example, I hold of a copy of the union consti- GU2 5XH ing Student Council meetings. Breaking the Union constitution on in order to give people sufficient never hear anything about the refit to tution. Unfortunately, he has clouded the Quoracy is most definitely notice. Chancellors until it was time to Yours, Tel: 01483 259275 issue by incorporating some kind of “wrong”. Having a good debate on ■ The constititution was adhered choose carpet and curtain colours! Lyndon Hill Fax: 01483 534749 personal attack on Andy Gale. issues with a representative number to. Good opportunities to get people of people is “right”. If it wasn’t interested in decisions that affect P.S. The figures I cited in my last The fact is that unless a decent num- blatantly obvious in the letters page I consider both these things to be them are being thrown away. letter were underestimates. The email: ber of people turn up then Student from two weeks ago; there might be part of every union officer’s job, total number of students here is [email protected] Council is simply a waste of time. a decent chance of getting people to especially Sabbaticals as they are Also, I would very much like to more like 11,000 therefore you can Any business transacted is bound to go to Student Council if: being paid. hear from the Communications divide those percentages by be flawed. Instead of doing things Officer on why there have been no approximately 2. ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 3 (1,1)

18/03/99 3 Your Letters (Cont.) Re: It’s All Academic

Dear Editor, sense of energy, seriousness or Dear Editor, here actually get to hear live Dear Barefacts, fun required to keep our audi- In reply to Nick Walsh’s scathing review drum’n’bass? How many student bands I am writing in response to the article reviewing Jo First of all, I would like to ence of 150 entertained. last week of ’Jo Holland and the Dutch even attempt to play any sort of dance Holland and the Dutch caps in last weeks paper. I offer my sincere apologies to Some comments in the review Caps’, (rather harshly titled ’It’s all acade- music in a live band situation? Even if it understand that this paper is a chance for the stu- Nick Walsh. It is sad that a really do have to be cleared mic’), I would like to comment on a num- wasn’t done particularly well, surely a dents to have their say but this was the features edi- gig by ‘Jo Holland & The up. A song called ‘Daisy- ber of unfair and inaccurate observations little credit is deserved rather than a slat- tor proving he really does no know what he is talk- Dutch Caps’ at the Star on Chain’, for example, was not that were made. ing for not ’trying something new’! Does ing about. February 25th should have even performed though it was a band deserve such a bad review just encouraged such words as down on the set list (so that’s Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, I because they are not ground-breakingly I unfortunately could not go to see the Dutch Caps at ‘poisonous’ and ‘toxic’ to where my set list went!). do not believe that a review as negative original? The Star, however I heard a lot of good comments an flow from the pen of someone Andy Blair’s song ‘Miracle’ is and heavily sarcastic as Nick wrote has praise about the band afterwards, not from the band who dearly misunderstands a light-hearted work of genius any place in a student publication, espe- I was certainly offended by one of the themselves but from people in the audience. Having the intentions of my 9-piece which never fails to get people cially when the subject matter is a student review’s closing comments: ’...but maybe not seen the gig I cannot say how great they were but band. Despite some unfound- moving. Also Simon Heeley, band. This is the kind of review that gives a side effect of being a music student is I do know one thing, what they did that night, in fact ed generalisations that all our multi-talented keyboard critics a bad name; unjustifiably detri- that, any own compositions seem a bit what they do at any rehearsal or gig is not the result music students are up their player was accused of playing mental and totally lacking in any con- studied, contrived and too easy to refer- of them studying music here. own arses we do not actually ‘100 demi - semi quavers per structive criticism, with the exception of ence’. The reviewer’s musical knowledge take ourselves as seriously as bar’ - (how amusing!) In fact one comment, ’I suggest taking mind- must here be cast into doubt. Almost any- Does Nick Walsh actually know what music students the recent review of our sec- his playing was restrained - expanding drugs...’ – very helpful. one could string a few chords together on a do for their degree? Well I do and do not think study- ond gig would suggest. We reduced for the most part to guitar and get up on stage and play a song. ing the later works of Beethoven, opera, Baroque, are out to entertain, to have a basic chords so as not to clut- Secondly, the review failed to take note The trick lies in making your performance fugues, Romantic studies (need I go on?) helped this laugh - and when this stops, so ter our sound. of any of the adverse conditions quite musical, which, as is obvious from listen- band in any way to achieve what they have done. does the band. When I obviously affecting the band that ing to any chart record, involves contrast, They are able to get up on stage and perform the way stepped off stage on the So now you really do think evening. Being sandwiched in between a dynamics, ’production’ if you like. Perhaps they do because they all have an individual talent and a love for what they do. evening in question I was met I’m a poncy music student solo folk singer and an ageing Country Mr. Walsh has misconstrued this ’produc- by an overwhelmingly posi- don’t you! Please don’t get and Western band (all, incidentally, the tion’ as stale muso academia? I can assure Fair enough, Nick Walsh did not enjoy the band tive response - and no, this me wrong - I just don’t want fault of an administrative error at The him that it is merely a (perhaps unsuccess- but plenty did and I do not think it is fair to slag was not because I had just one persons view of the Star) is not the perfect platform for a ful) attempt to sound professional. good performance of pop, funk, live this band off for being music students. They are all stepped off the stage but evening (which, I must add, drum’n’bass and so on. An insufficient Admittedly the Dutch Caps’ perfor- incredibly talented people that either leave their because most of the audience he is completely entitled to) to P.A. and minimal monitoring also didn’t mance at the Star was far from perfect, audience full of admiration, possibly inspire and, (excluding of course some overshadow the fact that the help, and problems were heightened by but considering the factors against them in my case, envious. Also, I have heard ‘Miracle’ dodgy-looking folk fans) had general vibe that night was a trying to squeeze nine people with ampli- I believe they made the best of a bad sit- (many others have probably heard it sang at really enjoyed themselves. good one. I had a fantastic fication and instruments onto a tiny stage uation and that the majority of the audi- Unplugged during Rubber Soul’s gig recently), I time - and looking at the audi- – eventually only managed by placing the ence enjoyed the evening. I may be think it is a great song and surely we should con- We delivered a set of 9 con- ence I know many of them did band in a straight line, with absolutely no biased, but I really don’t think that such gratulate the song writer for finding a way of trasting songs which were too. possibility of eye contact – let alone a severe and unfair write-up was expressing what he wants to say through such good hopefully entuned with the Jo Holland. being able to hear each other. deserved. Especially when Sunday Night music. I have never known anyone to make a band It’s Still All Academic Live bands get such consistently good seem so low (especially in an edited version of the As for the reviewer’s opinions on the reviews, and in general audiences for article). This band work hard and surely an article As with all review based jour- band and I hope these did not musicians and music itself, I was amused them are far less appreciative. Was the offering constructive criticism would have been nalism, a review is the opin- get overlooked. If people to read the rather cliched and high-and- review possibly tainted by an element of more use to them than one that just picks on them ion of the author. With want to look deep into the mighty opinion that ’Some bands’ songs personal vindictiveness directed against and slags them off. As for ‘taking mind - expand- regards to the now infamous review, then I’m not bothered, you just don’t ever touch because they a certain member of The Dutch Caps? ing drugs’ - I don’t think so. Isn’t it good enough music review printed last after all, you are entitled to are perfect and you could never hope to that they do what they do just by being themselves. week, it was just my own per- your opinion. Let the good add to them’, and the description of live Yours, Mike Reed. (Drummer for Jo Emma Sale sonal opinion of what I saw times roll. drum’n’bass as ’something that has been Holland and the Dutch Caps, Rubber (Final year musician who only just has enough and heard on the night. I did Nick Walsh done to death’. How often do students Soul, The Ofay Jazz Quintet etc.). talent to play the clarinet) say good things about the Minibus Service - No Takers? The Week in Review

As a second year student living a to try out the minibus and were sur- bly not run a similar scheme for ell, it appears loss or break even? petrol etc, we are actually good half hour away from campus prised that only one other person years due to the apathetic response that we have Answers on our desk by gaining less. Perhaps this I was thrilled to see posters going had come up with the same idea. it received in 1999. Wcome to a new next week, and don’t forget creates more flow in the up around campus last week about On Tuesday I caught it again. This era in Bare Facts. your protractors for next economy, but does it mean a new University minibus service time there were NO other takers! Now that something is finally Remember those days lesson. we are slowly moving away starting on the 8th March. This being done for those students who when a whole page was from the welfare state? This trial service runs every half hour I can’t help but think that as the are living off campus and are devoted to personals? Well, Our chancellor has received is a seemingly obvious pro- between 5.30 and 10.30pm and posters state that this is a trial ser- forced to walk home late at night last week, as you may have wide spread acclaim for his gression for Britain these takes in the Varsity Centre, Gill vice we need to encourage more through some of the more ‘risky’ noticed a severe depression latest budget and is proba- days, but is our new budget Avenue, Park Barn and Egerton, students to use it. In my mind, if areas of Guildford, surely we ben- in these numbers (18 on our bly now reveling in the the first tentative steps Aldershot Road and Northway, no-one catches these buses then efit from it, and actively thank count, but we weren’t real- knowledge that his col- towards a full on capitalism Stoughton, Manor Road and the University will be perfectly those concerned for improving our ly concentrating). Is this leagues at the treasury think for the millenium?…. Or Woodbridge Hill and Tesco’s. within their rights to discontinue personal safety. because no one writes them he’s the best chancellor for are we just ignoramuses. On Monday a friend and I decided the service and would most proba- Lucy Andrews any more, or is it because a decade (How many chan- there’s no room any more, cellors do you think we’ve Laurence: What is ‘a’ full and more importantly why had in the past 10 years?). on capitalism Samad? KEEPING REFUGEES OUT... does anyone write them in It’s probably best not to pay Samad: Well Laurence, the first place? Sorry we’re too much attention to where when you merge a greedy Day Conference at the University of Surrey, Lecture Theatres just not very enlightened we’re being taxed more or fat cat elite with a middle Saturday 24th April 1999, 10.30am to 4 pm personally…. less, as we probably all class which consistently know by now, and it’s pret- questions petty grammar, Keynote Speakers Impatient as we must all be ty non-consequential in any you get a broken system in Baroness Shirley Williams by now for the Show me case. More interesting (to the social chain which Liberal Democrat Spokesman for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs in the money week coming up us at least) is what the gov- encompasses us all. Hence in week 10, we have decid- ernment intentions and long ‘full on’ is used to describe the House of Lords ed to sneak in a quick pre- term objectives (come on, the severity of the evil, Canon Paul Oestreicher mature question. How they must have some) while ‘a’ is used to commu- Former Chairman of Amnesty International much does it cost to get a appear to be. We’ve done a nicate the fact that it comes licence for the Holyfield vs. little thinking, and based in many forms. Laurence: The Rt. Revd. John Gladwin Lewis fight in the Union? upon our limited political- So…are you predicting The Bishop of Guildford We don’t know the answer economic knowledge we new evil from old capital- Booking Fee £5.00 per person (and lets hope some enter- would like to put forward ism, or old evil from new Booking form available from Students’ Union. Tel 01483 562142 or [email protected] prising Union official will this perspective. capitalism? Samad: Do you inform us) but what we do really know what forces Supported by Integra, School of Educational know is that we have to pay By lowering income tax we you are playing with Studies, University of Surrey, Diocese of 2 pounds to get in. How can presume the Gov. wants …mortal!? Guildford Council for Social responsibility, many punters can the us to have more spending Refugee Action Group, Justice & Peace ...of Danger Union expect that night? money. But by raising the Samad Masood and Commission of the Diocese of Arundel & Will they make a profit, cost of education, tobacco, Laurence Jones Brighton, Gatwick Detainees Welfare Group. ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 4 (1,1)

Surrey Social and Market Research (SSMR) Ltd. University Of Surrey: Survey on Travel Issues We are conducting a survey to investigate the so we hope you will take the time to complete We would like to take this opportunity to thank ways in which staff and students travel to the this questionnaire. To encourage participation, you in advance for your help. University and the reasons for their choice. The your completed questionnaire will be entered results of the Survey will help the University into a prize draw. Instructions for completion: plan for improved access to the campus. please circle the appropriate response. All the information provided will be received by Your opinion is very important to the University, SSMR and treated in the strictest confidence. Q1. Approximately how many miles from campus do you live? Q13. Whether or not you travel to the University by train, please give your opinion concerning the following statements ... (Circle all that apply) }

Q2. What time do you usually ... Q14. Whether or not you travel to the University by bus, please give your opinion concerning the a. Arrive at the University? ______following statements ... (Circle all that apply) b. Leave the University? ______

Q3. Do you use, or would you ever consider using, any of the following modes of travel to the University?

Q15. Whether or not you cycle to the University, please give your opinion concerning the following statements ...

Q4. Thinking about your most regular mode of travel to the University, how often do you use this means of travel?

Q5. Again thinking about your most regular mode of travel to the University, approximately how Q16. Whether or not you walk to the University, please give your opinion concerning the following much does your round trip journey cost you? statements ...

Daily Cost £____.____

Q6. And approximately how long does such a journey take?

Q17. Have you, or would you ever consider, car sharing? Q7. Why do you use this most regular mode of travel to the campus?

Q18. How could the following modes of transport be improved to make you more likely to use them now, or in the future.

Q8. If you ever travel to the campus by car or motorcycle do you ...

Q9. And, if you travel to the campus by car or motorcycle, do you give anyone a lift? Q19. What suggestions would you make to reduce car travel to the University?

Q10. If you ever travel to the University by train, how do you normally travel to and from the sta- tion and the campus? (Circle all that apply.) Q20. Finally, to ensure our sample is representative, please can you answer the following ques- tions. Which school or department do you work/study in?

Are you ...

Q11. If you ever travel to the University by bus, do you ...

Do you work/study ...

Q12. Whether or not you travel to the University by car/motorcycle, please give your opinion con- Where do you begin your journey to the University? cerning the following statements ... (Circle all that apply)

If you wish to take part in the prize draw, please give your name and a contact number. Once again, thank you for completing this questionnaire. Please return as soon as possible to SSMR, Sociology Department, University of Surrey, Guildford, GU2 5XH ed990318.qxd 22/03/9917:51Page5(1,1) 18/03/99 Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday 27th 26th 25th 24th 23rd 22nd 21st 20th 19th EASTER HAPPY clopedia in17volumes. hardback editionofanency- Unlucky Object;Aspecial put itonyourhead. meant toreadthebook,not versity! That’s right,you’re young ladies,you’reatuni- not atafinishingschoolfor very well,itsbecauseyou’re your studiesaren’t going If you’rewonderingwhy 21st April-21stMay Unlucky Object;Awhip. Great. Mmmm. you enjoyedfetishnight. (“Easy Lisa”-Moonda)Ibet rubber griponmypen at themoment.Yes eventhe Everything isexcitingyou 20th March-20thApril lous). elephants (that’s justridicu- Unlucky Object:Two pink too. can seethatpinkelephannt you’re perfectlyfine...we the twist?Nodon’t worry happen, areyougoinground this. Whenstrangethings Have youever, everfeltlike 20th February-20thMarch Sun 12:0012:453:155:45Mon-Thu Sun 2:455:308:20Mon-Thu12:00 Sun 2:505:408:30Mon-Thu12:052.505.408.30 Fri-Sat 12:203:005:458:40Sun6:008:45 Fri-Sat 1:005:008:45Sun-Thu12:154:008:00 Fri Mar19th-ThursMarch25th1999 Sat 12:152:154:156:00Sun4:00 Fri 12:153:106:309:20Sat TAURUS PISCES Fri 1:004:006:509:45Sat4.00 ARIES Sat 11:30 12:001:452:305:157:45 WWW.ODEON.CO.UK Fri-Sat 12.152.455.107.309.45 Fri 2:457:45SatSun6:00 Fri 12:155:1510:10Sat10.10 Mon-Thu 12:153:006:008:45 Sun-Thu 12:303;105:508:45 Sun 8.40Tue &Thu2:458:00 Sun-Thu 12.002.455.408.25 Sun-Thu 12.002.305.308.05 Fri-Sat 1:154:007:1010.00 Fri-Sat 10:00Sun-Thu8:15 Fri-Sat 1:154:007:009:40 SHAKESPEARE INLOVE Mon,Tue &Thu 2.458.00 Wed 12:153:006:008:45 Fri 12:002:305:157:45 0870 50007 THE THINREDLINE LIFE ISBEAUTIFUL YOU’VE GOTMAIL THIS YEAR’SLOVE ARLINGTON ROAD LES MISERABLES Sat 1:00Sun12.30 PLEASANTVILLE URBAN LEGEND Lunar LisaandMysticMoonda PATCH ADAMS A BUG’SLIFE WAKING NED Sat Only9:45 MADELINE RUG RATS PAYBACK drag. Unlucky Object;Amanin you’re niceto. impress. Justbecarefulwho week asyou’resureto the mostofyourtalentsthis does. Whydon’t youmake Ooh, suitsyou,itcertainly 21st July-23rdAugust Cheerleaders. Unlucky Object;American ate? 2,4,6,8 whodoweappreci- like yourcheeryself. you’re feelingalittlemore dark cloudhasgoneand Oh happydays...yesthat 22nd June-23rdJuly Unlucky object;Highheels. sons. we’re sureyouhadyourrea- shoes totheirheads,but and strangetostaplepeoples Yes itisalitttleunsociable you’ve beenabitbizzare. self, despitethefactthat Don’t feelbadaboutyour- 22nd May-21stJune CANCER GEMINI LEO film wehopetobringyouis a verylongtime.Thesecond pieces thatyouwillrememberfor This includessomegloriousset There’s SomethingAboutMary. Brother’s disgustinglyfunny first ofthesefilmsistheFarelly films that1998hadtooffer. The bring youtwo,yestwoofthebest At themomentwearehopingto (if rathershort)SummerSeason. Brilliant, MemorableandSuperb Excellent, Superb,Fantastic, dent population,withan hard provideyou,thepayingstu- Easter. Howeverweareworking are nomoreOFUfilmsbefore I amafraidtosaythatsadlythere Something AboutMary Armagedden &There’s After Easter, Hopefully Unlucky Object;AFrappe well, keepitup. be acomedian,you’redoing you’ve gotasecretdesireto you can’t sing.Mindyou,if kareoke evenings,because ing...you shouldavoid This week,thestarsaresay- November 24th October-22nd gious cultleader. Unlucky Object;Your reli- and lovetoall.... headbands. Notcool.Peace keep awayfromRainbow this week!That’s great,but being ahippiechick/chuck I hadavisionman....who’s October 24th September-23rd medicine). Redbull (ittasteslikecough Unlucky Object;Vodka and the endofthat)Sorted. alone thepersonyoufancyby be abletoseeyourglasslet a bottleofwhisky(youwon’t you buyablanketandinvestin to change.Ohwell,whydon’t Unfortunately, thingsaren’t set Antarctic, coldandbarron. Your lovelifeislikethe 24th August-23rdSeptember SCORPIO VIRGO LIBRA O FU would bewelcome. views opinions,ideasandinsults 6pm inLectureTheatreH.Your every, yesevery, Tuesday at General Meetings,thesehappen should comealongtoour are thetypeofpersonwho (which isunlikely).Thenyou the filmsweshowareshit you wouldjustliketotellusthat (only) filmsocietyand/ormaybe running oftheUniversity’s best If youwouldliketohelpinthe at thesefirst-ratefilms. come andhavealaughcry So forget aboutyourexams and first coupleofweeksafterEaster. you thesetwofilmsduringthe Earth. We arehopingtobring Texas, abouttohitanddestroy a meteor, thesizeofTesco, sorry roller coasterrideofafilmabout Armagedden, theactionpacked mars. and unexpecteddiversionto Unlucky Object;Asudden Czechoslovakia?? week...tickets to special offer this Going Placesaredoinga you totravel.Ihearthat This willbeagoodtimefor 21st January-19thFebuary single. Unlucky Object:Anold come....running. stuff andthey’reboundto tive thisweek.....strutyour people findingyouattrac- uh hu,hu’.My, aren’t January ‘Giveittomebaby, 22nd December-20th much). dress (you’llstandouttoo Unlucky Object;Apink ing adiguiseinthefuture. behavoiur. Considerwear- with yourdrunken the foolinfrontofeveryone you! You havebeenacting because everyonecansee houses shouldn’t throwup December Peopleinglass 23rd November-21st SAGITTAURUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS 5 ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 6 (1,1)

6 18/03/99 Champagne on Us!

Next year the University of Surrey, will be starting a new degree course, ‘Writing Names For New Magazines’. Since no-one has yet completed this degree, there is no-one qualified to come up with a name for the magazine Bare Facts plc. will be bringing out after Easter. So instead, some hip young gunslingers are needed to come up with an imag- inative, funny, and appropriate title for this magazine. Hopefully incorportat- ing the best bits of the University and your student life. The lucky person, who’s title is used will receive some top prizes of: a quality bottle of champagne, courtesy of Bottoms Up, and a free CD “The 1999 Brit Awards” from Our Price If you would like to feel the pride of having your title emblazoned across the cover of the new magazine, then please send your entries of possible titles to the following. email Bare Facts at [email protected] or drop your writ- ten down responses into the box outside the office, inside the Union.

SHEFFIELD SSAGO RALLY The cast: The plot.... way too much with our bags, Aye, I’ve just spoken to Ernie ous team activities such as cat- competition as well, on the Katherine – mech eng, current- 11:25am Friday morning... and ate fresh croissants. Once and he says the traffic’s bad as apult building, balloon between theme of toys (as was the whole ly trying to avoid the joys of a We piled on the coach to on the coach, the conductor well; oh, what does Derek say the knees relay races, paper weekend) which the design, make, evaluate project London and annoyed all the introduced herself and the dri- then? It’s busy there too is it? aeroplane making, and jelly Manchester contingent won by Nelli – over from Finland for other passengers by being ver as Mavis and Sid, and that’s Well, we’re stuck here and it’s eating with chopsticks. In the turning themselves into train the year, studying strange biol- cheerful. I’m sure there must be when we knew we were going Friday so there’s nowt we can afternoon we had a choice of track using parcel tape and sil- ogy things with bugs. If the a law stating that all journeys on to have fun... Mavis explained do about it [I wondered if that activities such as ice skating, ver gaffer, and then lying on the university suddenly suffers public transport must be under- the workings of the toilet (?!), meant they could have done climbing, ferreting (sort of like floor and passing a cardboard from an outbreak of cholera, taken in sullen silence and an sternly informed us that anyone something about it if it wasn’t pot-holing but above ground) train over themselves. I had to you know who to blame.... air of misery, unless of course thinking about “sneaking in Friday?...] OK, thanks Terry, bowling, and the traditional pub admit to being impressed. there for a crafty smoke” would Samuli – also over from you possess a personal stereo in see you later” - and all in all, crawl, which, also traditionally, set off the fire alarms, and Finland fiddling with electric which case it must be turned up the two of them managed to the Scots went on. More silly games were played threatened people with fines if circuitry. loud enough to produce noise relieve our boredom without on Sunday morning (one of they dared put anything on the Me - chemistry, as yet unsuc- that is discernible as music to even trying. Anyway, we even- There was a barn dance in the them involving the interpreta- floor except their feet, before cessful at exploding AZ but everyone in the vicinity but not tually reached the campsite, evening, held at what must be tion of various cryptic clues smiling sweetly and wishing us still trying... quite loud enough for them to registered, collected our badges Sheffield’s poshest building, alluding to sexual positions and all a happy journey. I think she identify what it is. This is guar- (I was a sticklebrick, although I complete with a doorman who then demonstrating with a The event wanted to be an airhostess... anteed to annoy anybody. later tried to persuade the rest looked very disdainful as we all Barbie doll and action man...!) A SSAGO (student scout and At some point on the M1 we hit of my group that we should piled out of the coaches, stared and then after lunch and the guide organisation) rally con- heavy traffic and after crawling The coach arrived at London rename ourselves the at the front door, and then closing ceremony it was time to sisting of two nights in a tent through congestion [and mucus “Sticklebacks”...) pitched the immediately tried scraping the go back to Sheffield inter- trying not to think about the Victoria and we studied the and phlegm...sorry] for an hour, departure board for the 1pm tents (in the dark and the mud mud off our hiking boots onto change and wait for the coach. ridiculousness of camping in Mavis made the announcement [“..in, as you say, the mud”] ) the pavement! The band were It arrived, we got on, it left February, lots of silly games, a Sheffield coach only to find it of “Well, we should be in didn’t exist. The campus travel and wandered back into the really good and, luckily, barn Sheffield, we came back to barn dance, campfires, and Chesterfield but we’re here main building to eat dinner and dancing involves very little Guildford. Fin. some really terrible singing. place had given us the wrong instead” and completely failed time and the coach wasn’t leav- wait for everyone else to arrive. sense of rhythm, something for to tell us exactly where ‘here’ Which they did. Noisily...! which most people, after sever- If anyone wants to get involved ing until 1:30pm. So we used was. Useful... The driver Sid The place the extra time constructively, Saturday morning featured a al pints, were very grateful with the society, email me83kh. A campsite near Sheffield. had a variety of conversations wide game consisting of vari- for... There was a fancy dress Heidi. tried not to obstruct the gang- with other coach drivers - “ Chancellors Logo Challenge

Thanks for all of you who and will let you now the submitted ideas for the new outcome very soon. If Chancellor's logo through anyone wishes to discuss Bare Facts. the Chancellors logo please Here is a sample of some we contact Food & Beverage received. We will be making Manager- a decision about the choice Jo Reay-Child x 9986 in of logo over the next week the SU offices" ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 7 (1,1)

18/03/99 7 Barefacts Bares All

s this is the final issue of the only part that you can’t although the crossword is dis- Barefacts in this form read!!! More importantly the top liked so much hardly anyone Afor this year, we the edi- three most read parts were at wanted it replaced with other torial team decided to find out number three, the cinema puzzles. Instead the top answer how well or badly we had done reviews, number two, the news was that more comical features by asking some of you, the read- and number one the front page. were wanted. Fine, we need ers to fill out a survey. If you Ok so maybe no astounding funny people!!!! Tom just isn’t can remember we put the survey results there, however the next funny! (Oopps I may get in trou- in the paper for two weeks run- section got down to the really ble for that one!! ning, although we didn’t get a nitty gritty it asked you to rate great response I would like to the sections of Barefacts out of Now for the biggest result of the thank anyone who did reply. So 10 evening, almost 65% of people with the poor response rate we didn’t know where the Barefacts decided that the editorial team The highest scoring section was office is. This would stop peo- would have to get out there and the personals, which is strange ple contributing. So for all of interview people, the theory was because over the past couple of you who don’t know where it is if we pinned people down we weeks the number of personals you know where the snooker would get some answers! has been dwindling. But that room is, which turns into the aside Sport , Features and Music cloakroom on Friday nights well After a lot of hard work we did well. As for the other sec- it is the room next door. Now managed to get some answers tions most did quite well, you have no excuse. If you have from 100 people, which was a although once again the cross- one artistic bone in your body nice round number. So what word came out at the bottom. you can contribute something to were the results? Well we found So if you want to help next year Barefacts, your paper! out that 74% of those questioned to make sure that all sections in read Barefacts every week, and Barefacts come out with top Finally I would like to thank 84% wanted Barefacts to say in marks go along to the Barefacts everyone who filled in one of the same format. So we must be editorial meetings on a Monday the Barefacts surveys, and was doing something right! This is night next year. forced to answer our question. the line up of your favourite sec- Thank you!! tions of Barefacts, the least read The final major question was Ellen Van Keulen part of Barefacts was the what additions would you like to Crossword, possibly because its see in Barefacts. Strangely MSc students: we need your help! LAST CALL FOR UNIVERSITY elcome to will have got “Surrey for new postgrad arriving next CHALLENGE HOPEFULLS! University! Wave Postgrads” through the post year, what pre-arrival litera- a teary goodbye to before they arrived. Did this ture and induction events Thanks to everyone who's out a bit more, come along! e-mail me su-presi- W replied to our request for a We're especially keen to [email protected] and your Mum and Dad! Here’s give you an accurate idea of would you like? genius quiz team for present a balanced team we'll arrange another time. how to cook baked beans! what to expect? This University Challenge. There which reflects our diverse So get your pens and pen- year the Postgraduate Whatever comments or will be a candidates' meeting student population - all cils ready, put your thinking Having been a student Association is pushing to ideas you have, our ears are at 10am in the Grant Mitchell mature students, Post- caps on and get ready for before, that’s not the sort of improve the induction of open. You can drop us a Room on Tuesday 23rd Graduates, part-time stu- the TV opportunity of a life- thing youwant to hear when new postgrads - and we note in our pigeonhole in the March. Everyone who has dents and International stu- time. you come to start your want your help! Union or email us replied already and anyone dents are encouraged to course, is it? But we are so ([email protected]) and else who is interested come along. See you there used to helping freshers get If you’ve got ideas about we will be in touch. Despite should come along - there's settled that we don’t quite what should be in Surrey for the title (the PGA commit- no commitment at this stage. If you can't make the meet- Harriet Sims Even if you just want to find ing but are still interested, Union President know what the best way is Postgrads then we want to tee is somewhat lacking in to prepare postgrads for life know. If you’ve got com- Msc student representation), at Surrey. ments (good or bad!) about we want to hear from all last year’s induction, then postgrads: so get writing, Last year, most postgrads please tell us! If you were a and thanks! Phat Vibes 19th March - HRB 20.30 - 02.00

Calling all Web Designers

ello, I'm Kathryn al web design competition at [email protected]. Moore, a junior at offering scholarship money If you would like more HThomas Jefferson up to $10,000 per teammate. information about the com- Phat Vibes High School for Science and We intend to create a web petition, you can visit Technology in Alexandria, page using the circus as a www.thinkquest.org, or our Virginia in the United States. teaching tool. If you know school web site, I and my classmate are seek- of any high school student www.tjhsst.edu. The teams ing a third member for our that is a web designer and need to be formed before the Thinkquest team. interested in earning more end of March, so this is Thinkquest is an internation- for college, please e-mail me rather urgent. ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 8 (1,1)

8 18/03/99 Ball Breaking Tray Scraping The Gallant With The Talent Southern Comfort Battle of the Bands. Union - 28/02/99 University Talent Contest: Heat 1 The second band of the This years talent contest, following to tradition will hopefully cause a lot of controversy. night begin with a unique Some may say the idea of talent is purely subjective, and whether someone enjoys an act is mix of scratches from their a purely personal thing which transcends the idea of a group of judges ever being able to resident DJ Baron speak for the masses. Yeah, right, believe that and you will believe anything. The unofficial Greenback while the rest of objective Bare Facts music team review hopes to give the real review of the acts taking part. band walk on stage to the Let battle commence. Text: Nick Walsh. Photos: Andrew Thomas. applause of the fellow Stairs writer Emre shows his sen- friends and audience. They A Steps tribute act, doing a sitive side with four songs, Ben introduce themselves as cover version of Tragedy. two of his own, a cover of Tray Scrape a freshly home- There was a lot of glitter fly- kd lang and an adaptation of grown talent from the ing around, and the dance a Shakespeare sonnet. University. They are six routines were brilliantly Coming across as the feisty and exuberant lads choreographed. Obviously, antithesis of rock’n’roll but who seemed to like to kick Photo: Neil Johnson a hell of a lot of preparation Emre arse. They appeared wary had gone into the act, with and scared and so they that introduced the band to a dull. tedious and sort of the matching outfits. Plus should be as it is their first tribal drum frenzy and low reinventing the wheel in a there was a fair degree of time on stage, which may be down beats. Finally they pointless sort of way. It’s Ben Yoong attractiveness forthcoming why they decided to play a played ‘Shoalin’ a shouting probably more criminal to Bravely singing unaccom- from the females, which is a cover of the Deftones ‘My rap frenzy of guitar rock or be average than to be crap, panied the Frank Signature prerequisite in acts like Own Summer (Shove it)’ is it perceptual art? and it was obvious that they standard, ‘New York New these. but with added scratches. Kevin Marston shouldn’t have won the con- York’. The stylistically Clap-O-Meter: 9 Yet they performed as if With regards to Hipslinky, test. There was nothing real- unique take on this popular In a word: Showbiz they had played live togeth- the final act of the Battle of ly exciting, or interesting song, certainly got the the epitome of melodic er for some months. Next up the Bands, there is quite a about them, they were just crowd going, with the whole Emre and Viv songwriting, melting the was ‘Intergalactic Highway’ bit to be said, but unfortu- an average trad rock band. union clapping along. An acoustic, folk act, com- hearts of the rest of the a catchy, raucous little num- natly not much of it is good. Acting, like it was 1973 Clap-o-meter: 7 prising the two postgrad union as well as their con- ber with the singers giving They had good technique rather than 1999. The singer In a word: Angular psychologists. Singer/song- siderable number of chums. it the all. ‘Herbal Desire’ and the band themselves clearly loved his posturing The between song banter distinctly dispelled the idea could be described as tight, and posing but this just Stairs was a bit dry, but the star- that Tray Scrape was just they had a fair amount of made his stereotypical tling voice, recalling the another stick in the mud and stage presence and the attempts seem desperate, chilled moments of Jeff just a brain blowing experi- singers hair was very suited and this just showed his cre- Buckley, or perhaps a mor- ence. ‘Beat Down’ was their to what he was doing. But at ative empty mind. Nick phine injected J Kay from experimental rap anthem the end of the day, they were Walsh Jamiroquai. Wizards In A Blizzard Clap-O-Meter: 9 In a word: Mellow Snow Patrol / Cash Cow, Islington Redeye. 2/3/99 This is the grand re-opening of bassist and singer wears his power, real power. The precon- the Red Eye, a small pub come geeky black framed glasses ceptions of what rock should be The One and Only Naomi venue in the back alleys of with pride as the bassist grins dissappear and the effect is fan- Kings Cross. Cash Cow hit the maniacly and the drummer tastic. Feelings are excited and Interviewed by Rob Winder stage at 8:30 and play in a bashes out the beat in a some- thirst is created for more. But A few weeks ago our Union I needed holding back another single and writing chirpy spikey pop punk genre what workmanlike fashion. they’re gone half an hour later building was host to one of because I wasn’t prepared the next album. After that I with a touch of the bitterness of Making room for Snow Patrol and all you can think of is just the best attended gigs we for everything. I needed to would like to write an opera, reality. At times they sound like about an hour later the four who they sounded like. Then have seen on a Sunday get a band and to write more but I’ll have to learn Italian Bennet, at others like 60ft Dolls piece fizz and wail like a hun- you give up and try the absinthe night. Heather Nova attract- songs.” first!” being possessed by the insane gover student on a barely tuned at the bar... souls of early Mansun. The tv. The overall feeling is of Andrew Thomas ed a big crowd, and those Gut Records allowed her who had bothered to get in that time. ‘Be My Lover’ is out March The Offspring Vs Steps early were treated to a stun- “They are absolutely bril- 15th on Gut Records. Swapping over at the DJ decks in the HRB Andy and Kev briefly debate which ning set by Naomi, perform- liant. I think band would make better bank robbers ing despite suffering the flu. that if I was They’re experts in being filmed Now she is feeling much with a big at every angle, and when neces- better and introduces us to label, I would sary they can avoid the media her forthcoming single and not have had glare! album. so much con- K: The Offspring are normal “My music is a mixture of trol or say in people though, they could everything, a cross between what I do.” blend into a crowd to escape. a bit of blues and a bit of What is next A: Step’s manager though jazz and a bit of rock and a for Naomi? K: Offspring just have so much could have had other bands to bit of dance, a bit of every- “Well after more presence though. You’ve rob banks years before and sim- got the scarey bloke at the front ply got Step’s to follow the thing.” the single, I and Noodles the geek to do all same kind of tactics - but in a ‘Be My Lover’ is her first hope to get on the techy stuff. Steps, I mean, nineties way. They’d have the would be distracted and they proper single, coming a long a tour, then what could they possibly do? advantage of experience. could escape! time after the limited release there will be A: The thing is with Steps, K: But Steps are all weedy K: But would they have any of ‘Personal Touch’ in 1997. the album, yeah, is that they’re organised. though. Offspring are big and self esteem after that? “A lot of record companies ‘Liquid’, in They’ve got their routines and tough and could flatten the (Offspring pun 1) want success straight away. April. Then their roles. Using their formid- security guards. Steps wouldn’t A: Well it would be a tragedy if dable two at the front and three scare anyone! they didn’t! (Steps pun 1) at the back formation they A: But, then again, Steps are K: The Offspring would just Live This Week could burst into any bank. Then organised. Using their every- smash their way in! (Offspring March in synchrony they could blow day tactics they could deal with pun 2) Thursday 18th: The Rogues Gallery (nu skool beats) @ Smithfields, London the safe, tie up the cashier, and the security guards one by one. A: But they’re probably so Symposium @ London Highbury Garage leg it from the building togeth- dumb they’d blow themselves One member would fight the Friday 19th: Cay @ London Camden Barfly er. security guard while the other up with the safe. I bet none of Saturday 20th: Dr Didg / Vibe Slide / Phat Cat @ Aldershot WEC K: But they’d be easy to spot four stood in the background them can count past three. But because of their distinctive blue going “oooh” and pulling off Steps, well they’d stick the Sunday 21st: The Jellys @ London Camden Barfly uniforms. Offspring are like the easy to follow dance moves! explosive on, and on the count Monday 22nd: The Vandals @ London Highbury Garage dead presidents or something, And, when they tried to escape of 5 6 7 8 it would blow and Tuesday 23rd: Kula Shaker @ Guildford Civic they’re really hardcore and and found police waiting with they’d be a safe distance away! Wednesday 24th: Black Box Recorder @ Upstairs London Highbury Garage scarey. search lights trained on them, (Steps pun 2) Thursday 25th: Snowdogs @ London West One Four A: But Step’s blue shimmery they could do another routine Feeling distinctly punned out Friday 26th: Witness @ London Highbury Garage costumes would reflect light from their smash hit album and Kev and Andy decide the whole Saturday 27th: Rachel Stamp @ London Highbury Garage into the security cameras. be so entertaining the police debate is better best forgotten... ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 9 (1,1)

18/03/99 9

slow ballad, Angels but more in those bands you get in Bananarama pop? - Technique. Witness, not surprisingly style of Millennium. 7/10 A.S. American teenage high school It would not surprise me if the plough a similar furrow, epic SINGLES dramas. They’ve got some orig- electro duo hit the bottom end styled melodic rock, although CAMPAG VELOCET - To mighty energetic tune. UNDERWORLD - Push inal ideas, I like the strings and of the top 20 with this highly they add a hint of Americana. Lose La Trek (Pias) Definitely one to watch 8/10 Upstairs (Junior Boys Own) castanets underlying the Indie unoriginal little number, as we The lead track sucks, but the b- This is the third single to be I.P. Underworld return with their guitar sound. Yet the music is can always rely of the 15 year sides are OK. 3/10 R.W. released from the highly pounding quick bass beats. An let down by the expressionless old population to foolishly acclaimed Campag Velocet. THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH - extremely upbeat affair, not as vocals of Sarah Bleach (she’s a spend their pocket money. It Their eclectic style combines How Long’s A Tear Take To mad as ‘Born Slippy’ but near- bit of a wash out). Although her must be said though that the This weeks reviews brought to elements of funk, hip-hop punk Dry? (Mercury) er that than their other trancey voice suits ‘Bitterscene’ to a remixes are quite good you by: and rock‘n’roll, which appeals This is the third single off the stuff. 6/10 I.P. degree, don’t listen to the B (Brothers in rhythm, Matt Ian Purvey, James Hemingway, to a wide audience. This single million-selling album sides. 5/10 L.T. Darey and funkforce) The latter Emma Clarke, Adam Saxty, captures motioned mellowness, ‘Quench’, it starts rocky with a TLC - No Scrubs (Laface) having great potential as a club Kevin Marston, Nigel Martin, perfect to listen to when cruis- slide guitar intro but is standard This is the first single from the TECHNIQUE - Sun Is hit. 5/10 A-J.T Andrew Thomas, Lisa ing or simply chilling out. 8/10 BS stuff with a steady melody new album ‘Fan Mail’. ‘No Shining (Creation) Thornhill, Amanda J Taylor, A-J.T and catchy lyrics. There is an scrubs’ is a tight, funky little What do you get when you WITNESS - Scars (Island) Rob Winder, Gareth Nolan, and acoustic version of ‘perfect 10’ track that does get better the cross a convincing impression- Friends of (former?) The Verve Daniel Jones RODDY FRAME - Sister as well which ain’t bad. A more you hear it. It will no ist of Dubstar’s vocalist and guitarist Nick McCabe, Shadow (Independiente) good tune. 7/10 N.M. doubt hit the dance floors after The follow-up to ‘Reason For some re-mixing. Fine as a SINGLE OF THE WEEK dance track, but don’t expect it Living’ is again a typically TRAVIS Writing To Reach Dot Allison – Mo’Pop classy cut from the Scottish You (Independiente) to be the next ‘Waterfalls’. 6/10 N.M. Imagine a Celine Dion songsmith. With a slight speck A smooth groove for anyone who knew when to of the Righteous Brothers’ with harmonies to die for with DJ Rap-Everyday Girl stop, a Whitney ‘You’ve Lost That Lovin’ lyrics that touches the soul. Houston without the Feeling’ in the chorus, a decent Although there is no need for (Higher Ground) Pretty cool breakbeat/ambient pretentiousness, and a guitar hook, and a live version the Oasis type beginning. 7/10 pop starlet with the of the parent LP’s excellent title K.M track with some Maddonna- esque vocals, should make stylistic modernism of track ‘The North Star’ thrown Kylie Minogue (but in too, this is a worthy release. ROBBIE WILLIAMS - good listening for drum and bass fans. 6/10 G.N. with tunes). A non- 8/10 J.R.H. Strong (EMI) manufactured Making sure that he’s not out of VELOCETTE- Bitterscene chanteuse with real PACHINOS - Violent Son / the spotlight, Robbie releases deal pop knowledge, Smash (More Music) yet another single. Its pretty (Wiiija) Velocette’s new single from all combined with the Their raw debut single. Its not a much what we’ve come to looks of a supermodel million miles away from a punk expect from him over the last their debut album ‘Fourfold Remedy’ is a chirpy retro track and the voice of an band you can see down your year. Its not in your face, Let angel. 9/10 N.W. local pub, but they produce a Me Entertain You nor is it a which reminds you of one of

croaking frogs and someone CDs like these are good to chill you ever found the time to sit it....or not. 4/10 G.N. muttering about “mind body too, but all in all a bit faceless. through all 75 minuets of it and ALBUMS and spirit”. The second track is The main men on show in this actually listen to the whole RADIATOR - Radiator far more moody and electronic compilation are Freestylers thing you should get a Nobel (Chrysalis) XTC - Apple Venus (Cooking scapes to harsh noisecore, the than the first. Another track is with three appearances, but prize. The music itself is like a Heavy hended affair this, with Vinyl) mood of ‘Experiment Below’ much lighter, with a calm more if you count their other soundtrack to a very atmos- little respite from blazing gui- The first proper guitar-pop ebbs and flows as the album acoustic guitar playing what solo incarnations such as Mad pheric film. One of the tracks tars and in-yer-face production. album of 1999? That the album progresses. If you are a fan of could easily be described as a Doctor X. There is really noth- has already been used for 'Resistor' provides lighter is called 'Apple Venus' is per- chart-pap then I suggest you more futuristic form of folk ing imparticular here to warrant Vampire flick, “Blade” and the touches before it all goes awry haps not a nod the Beatles give this a wide berth, however music. The album should a purchase, unless you know computer game Wipeout. again. There might be some lable, though for whom much if you are up for something appeal to quite a few people the acts already, in which case Listening to it is a bit like pattern or even a melody in all of the feeling of this album challenging this is for you. 7/10 with its odd mix of music, all in you won’t buy the CD but the watching Event Horizon except this but it seems that the record- resembles. But that resemb- R.W. all not a bad debut. 7/10 E.C. already released vinyl. 7/10 no Sam Neill and slight less eye ing studio for this sonorous lence is very much of the effort- N.W. damage. This music is chilling- assault was forsaken for a less blending vocal melodies FORTH QUARTET - They SPACE RAIDERS - Don’t Be ly cold to say the least. building site; a myriad of per- and choppy orchestral backing. Built Ships That Sank Daft (Skint) Unfortunately though for a cussion from the hammering There's no shameless plunder- (Words And Works Rejected) Riding high on ‘big beat’ suc- drum and bass album, it has a labourers, imposing high pitch ing here, and while this album Forth Quartet produce music cess of the year, Fatboy Slim, lot of drum but not half enough crunches from the whirring of probably takes the best bits of that barely moves, almost Space Raiders explode from the bass and as a result sounds like cement mixers and the bawdy pop from all over the shop it strolling backward. 'Rockets Skint stable in a whirl of cheesy someone has broken the foreman recieving backchat makes them very much unique. Into Buildings' would seem an disco loops (especially on rhythem section on your old from his forceful instructions. There's the flute interlude of the obvious candidate for stand out debut single ‘Glam Raid’) and Source Direct- Exorcise the casio keyboard and you can’t 'Untitled Love Song' is nice, steam train chug of 'Harvest track on this. Toward the end it 303 burbles. First thing to note Demons (Science) turn it off. With practically less almost positively easy to listen Festival' and the faintly Sting even generates a bit of volume is that this is no-where near as Another super long drum and than no vocals and samples that to. But this may be in the same inspired 'River Of Orchids'. and a hint it might overtake the in your face as the ‘Boy has bass offering, isn’t this wonder- sound like your old Atari has way you're grateful for a gun- The finale, 'The Last Balloon' is funeral march if they were in a been with his recent second ful. The shortest song on the been possessed by satan, no shot to the head in preference to utterly amazing - complete with head to head. But speed isn't album. It’s nice and diverting album is 7:09 which is bloody track on the album stands out. being slow roasted on a spit. a shimmering background tin- everything. Lets sit back and but often cheesy. Sampling riduculous by any standards. If Hey, but maybe you might like 3/10 D.J. kle, the sublime vocal call of take it easy. But not too easy telephone effects from old key- "climb aboard, climb aboard", because this is not too far boards really shouldn’t be ALBUM OF THE WEEK and all this before a jazz inter- removed from a male Lisa attempted y’know. At times STONY SLEEP - A lude blends, as they say, into Germano and if it were a book you feel like this could be the Slack Romance (Big the night. And, back to the it might well be 'Prozac Nation' first layer of the latest Prodigy Cat) opening question; the answer: or 'The Bell Jar'. But stop press, album, before they added the Last years least popu- without doubt.Without this 'Dress Yo'self' is even better, unnecessary fuzz guitar and lar band at the union record, I realise now my life with a dash, and only a dash moron shouting about fire. So, (total crowd: 3 of the was sorely missing. With a hit mind, of distorted guitar. It's an minimal in a way but still with music team and the single or two this can do for intricate record with moments enough going on to not be a sound tech) release pop in 1999 what the Lightning of eclat fragilty but then, occa- ‘post-club’ soundtrack (aka their second album, Seeds with 'Jolification' did fol- sionally, there are less enchant- sends you to sleep). 7/10 A.T. and amazingly lowing its release in 1994. 9/10 ing, almost generic anti-win- enough it’s one of the D.J. some moments. 7/10 D.J. V/A - Sound Of The Nu most invigorating School (Fresh) pieces of shiny silver HOVERCRAFT - TRASHMONK - Mona Lisa A quality compilation of musi- this year. First track, Experiment Below (Blast Overdrive (Creation) cal wallpaper. There is a theory, the single ‘Midmay’, First) This is a very strange mix of that dance music is the new has a bass line and The secretive and warped musical styles. It’s as if classical music. This comes chattering guitar to three-piece from Seattle use Trashmonk hasn’t quite settled from the fact that classical die for. Manics like their second album to build up on a style of music, and is test- music was used as a back- they used to sound, on where their debut left off. ing the water with its debut ground to waltzes and social except with the politi- ‘Experiment Below’ returns to album. The album feels very functions, whereas rock and cal rhetoric replaced the trait of weirdness but this dark overall with low eerie pop always try to be the centre by disenchantment time the record is more coher- vocals that are almost a whisper stage. Dance music is the same, with life. How old are (horrific) phrase. drug addled zombies South and I’d still ent. Effectively one piece of in places. The first track con- it is incredibly difficult to be they? Just 20 as it hap- They may look like a but they could look give them 9/10 A.T. instrumental music varying tains a sample of what sounds visually interesting or the main pens. Bratpop before bunch of religious like the Beautiful from pure light ambient sound- like new age mood music, with focus of attention. that is why anyone coined the ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 10 (1,1)

10 18/03/99

Waking Ned (PG) - Opens March 19th What’s on in Guildford

Director: Kirk Jones Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) Starring: Ian Bannen, David Kelly, Fionnula Comedy in the County (18th Mar / 7.45pm / Tickets £5) Another helping of top comedy Flanagan in the County Suite, contact the box office for listings. omeone in Tullymore has one the lottery. And Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre (01483 440000) since there’s only 52 S Earth and Sky (Wed 15 Mar to Sat 20 Mar / Times vary / Tickets £10 - £21.50) Starring inhabitants it shouldn’t be too Sam Janus. Douglas Post’s exciting new play has just opened with great success in New hard to track them down. York and won the L Arnold Weissberger Award for Best New Play. Jackie O’Shea (Bannen) makes it his priority to locate this winner through uncharac- The New Victoria, Woking (01483 761144) teristic generosity which excitement of winning have. But it’s a far better les- peaks in him, his wife Annie Doug Varone & Dancers (Fri 19 & Sat 20 Mar / 8.00pm / Tickets £9.00 - £16.00) New proved all too much for Ned, son in storytelling than most York based choreographer Doug Varone brings his virtuoso dancers to Woking for the first (Flanagan) and his best mate but to claim the prize in Ned’s of Hollywood churns out and time. His work is highly original and remarkably exuberant, allied with exceptional musi- (Kelly) laying on a chicken name requires a little deceit... a subtle story of the things cal vitality. Compiled by Hossein Motevalli supper for alll 18 villagers that matter in life. There’s no that buy lottery tickets. When It’s a simple story about lack of energy either which This Year’s Love (18) - Out Now Ned Divine doesn’t show, down-to-Earth, but utterly is all the more pleasing with they assume he’s wise to their charming people without all an average cast age drawing ruse; if Ned won’t come to the big name, big location, a pension. Quite simply a the supper, then the supper big action that film makers lovely, and highly amusing shall come to him. The assume the big screen must film. 8/10 Daniel Jones John Hegley & Nigel, Guildford, Electric Theatre – 12/3/99 s part of the on stage, (showing hilarious derful root vegetables. After Guildford 99 looks of indifference), the break, these poems got AInternational Music whether to do a dance or a read out by John, ripping Festival, the performance song, the audience just fell them to shreds (including poet John Hegley, provided about laughing. Incidentally, your correspondent’s contri- the entertainment, for a night Nigel used to be a bution), and choosing the of poetry, song and dance, of Tonmeister here at Surrey, best, which would win the much hilarity, and wit. The and his musicianship lent an potatoes used in the dance. Guildford cultural types interesting angle to John’s enjoyed one of the country’s poetry, and songs. The vari- More songs were sung, most innovative comic poets, ation in the set, from the veering from, his hometown and his virtual mute side- improvisation to the audi- of Luton, to a perceptive kick, the enigmatic Nigel. ence participation made this satire on Englishness, also more special than your aver- on the way, telling stories The appearance of John age, dull, recital. about his disagreements DIRECTOR: David Kane funny moments, don’t go if twisting plot that leaps into Hegley, the bespectacled with his father over media- STARRING: Kathy Burke, you are expecting some- thew future and the clear performer, in his smart grey The dancing, which featured tion. As an encore, all the Dougray Scott, thing that’s a laugh-a- focus on the lives and loves suit and with his sardonic the wearing of brown paper people wearing glasses in his Year’s Love is a minute (even though it is), of the six strong characters. expressions, lent him the bags and the worshipping of the audience were asked up bitter-sweet film, for the humour is starkly It is certainly a love story with a difference, that manner of being a talented, potatoes was novel and baf- on stage to do a dance to exploring the merry- contrasted by a bleak and T thankfully steers away from yet indifferent English fling, initially this was post- Cornershop. go-round of life, love and acerbic streak that, just like the tired and predictable teacher. The poetry, ranging poned as a member of the everything. The script is in a stick of rock, runs the boy-meets-girl malarkey, mostly about the trivial, but audience couldn’t stop You really had to be there, sharp, bright and witty, but whole way through. and so if you are looking for showing how interesting laughing. Also in the inter- then this review may make do not be fooled into think- a cool British film with a bit and peculiar things, such as mission, the fixations with more sense. As all in all, However, it is the darker ing that this is a sugar-coat- of a spark, this is most defi- picking up hair on the car- potatoes continued as the recalling it now, it sounds a and perhaps even harrowing ed love story. And while it moments that make this film nitely worth a look. pet, can be when spoken in a audience were asked to bit crazy, it was, and it was certainly has it’s extremely so good, along with the 8/10. Laura Knight. poem. When Nigel entered write a poem about the won- brilliant. GCR 1602am Rubber Soul

ever have we seen the lower Chart and Playlist bar so packed as on Tuesday 1. Skunk Anansie - Post Orgasmic Chill Nthe 2nd of March when the 2. Blur - Tender inimitable Rubber Soul rocked the H- 3. Stereophonics - Just Looking R-B. You couldn’t fault them, from 4. Travis - Writing to reach you the deep throat of Andy Blair, to the 5. Fountains of Wayne - Denise magic fingers of Simon Heeley and the 6. Supernaturals - Everest plucking brilliance of Ollie Melville- 7. Sleater Kinney - Quarter to three Smith. The band was tight, well 8. Kent - 747 rehearsed, and very talented. 9. Gene - As good as it gets The crowd were loosened 10. Catalonia - Dead from the waist down with the “Jungle Boogie”, followed by written by Andy Blair. Genuine disap- “You Can Keep Your Hat On”. 11. Botchit & Scarper - Botchit Breaks 2 the well-known classic “Mustang pointment came from the audience as With such a massive 12. Shawn Mullins - Lullaby Sally”. A real treat proceeded with the last song of the evening was response, and obvious immense enjoy- 13. Dot Allison - Mo’ Pop “You Might Need Somebody”, sung by announced. “I Wish” passed the spot- ment, why have we not seen the likes 14. Beth Orton - Central Reservation Fiona Wareham; and if that wasn’t light on to the horn section (Russel, of Rubber Soul gracing the main 15. Feeder - Day in, Day out enough, James Bellamy then took over Matt and Tony) who had shone Union stage on a Sunday night? 16. Moloko - Sing it Back with “Midnight Hour”. throughout. Special mention should 17. Mansun - Six Sandwiched between two go to Mike Reed, on drums, who kept Ewen Ferguson, Liz Sweetland, 18. ash! - Colour the World Stevie Wonder songs (Superstition and the rhythm flowing all night. The Alex Watson 19. Liz Horsman - This heavy high Signed, Sealed, Delivered) was an masses were left gagging for more, and 20. Underworld - Beaucoup Fish eclectic selection including “Miracle”, they received it in abundance with ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 11 (1,1)

18/03/99 11 Crossword No 98 NOTICES Dr Russ Cathsoc AGM Fencing AGM Dear Russ CV gets about two minutes of an employer’s time, this Sunday 21st March 18.30 Wednesday 24th March I’m thinking of putting a doesn’t seem like a good Quiet Centre 20.00 Grant Mitchell Room curriculum vitae together. idea. So you have to NoWave AGM Robot Soc AGM Is there a recommended emphasise only those things Monday 22nd March way for doing it? which are relevant to your Tuesday 23rd March 19.30 application. If your degree Grant Mitchell Room Students Union at 7pm. E-mail Stephen Dear Sonia has included a Professional Rugby Club AGM ([email protected]). Year, for example, you Let me say, first of all, that should give this greater Thursday 18th March 21.00 there are no rules about prominence on your CV Grant Mitchell Room Islamic Society AGM what you can or can’t put in than other more casual jobs. Wednesday 24th March a CV. I’ve been collecting If you are going for degree- Gilbert & Sulivan 18.30 LTE CV’s for years and they are related employment it helps Society AGM all different. One of them is to provide a breakdown of Netball Club AGM presented in the form of a your course in order to Monday 22nd March 19.30 Monday 22nd March 18.00 cartoon strip, another one emphasise the relevant sub- TB18 Grant Mitchell Room has a picture of someone jects you have covered. Hockey Club AGM Student Sports trapped inside a bubble with Basically, you’ve got to the caption underneath anticipate what the employ- Tuesday 23rd March 19.30 Chiropractic Across Down Varsity Centre “untapped potential”. er wants to read and leave 1. Extremely Angry (5) 1. Correctly reasoned (7) Society AGM out the irrelevant. This 4. Many sided figure (7) 2. In a vehement manner (9) GCR AGM Mind you, for most jobs it could mean it ends up on 26th March 16.00 TAP Room - 8. Crawls abjectly (7) 3. A vision (5) Wednesday 24th March will not be in your interests one page. A two page CV is 9. Penalised financially (5) 4. Instrument for pounding (6) Campusport to produce an unusual CV. OK as well. Three pages is 10. Hint to an actor (3) 5. A radical politician (7) 18.00 By fruit machine 11. A crowd (9) 6. An alcoholic spirit (3) Womens Football It should look attractive, but probably too long. 13. Series of prayers (6) 7. Gentle poke with the Men’s Waterpolo not bizarre. You’d do well 15. Artist’s workroom (6) elbow (5) AGM AGM to get it laser printed on a By the way, if you’d like to 18. Travellers (9) 12. Surreptitious (9) Sunday 21st March Monday 22nd March 19.30 decent quality paper. It is see a model CV, why not 20. A furrow (3) 14. Most-close (7) 16.00 (After Training) also a good idea to embold- pick up the yellow leaflet 21. Soft sweetmeat (5) 16. Open-air (7) Grant Mitchell Room Varsity bar 23. Rheumatic affliction (7) 17. Shouted loudly (6) en a few key words such as called “Writing your CV” 24. Rectified (7) 18. Thin crisp biscuit (5) Afro-Caribbean Nighltine AGM your degree subject or job on the display rack in the 25. A snake (5) 19. Lively dance (5) titles, especially where they Careers Service. Finally, if AGM 6th May 18.00 TB12A 22. Follow closely (3) are relevant to the job you’d like someone in the 18th March 19.00 LTB Solution to Crossword No. 97 Down: 1.crier 2.maim 3.arenas Unisys computer you’re applying for. Careers Service to check Across: 1.commanders 7.orifice 4.decriers 5.reproof 6.coat-hang- Sub Aqua AGM over your CV once you’ve 8.Capri 10.tarn 11.marigold er 9.indiscreet 12.prelates for sale, What you choose to put in put it together, then we’d be 13.albert 15.crafts 17.gazelles 14.bazooka 16.dewlap 19.clams Thursday 18th March 19:30 18.scar 21.roost 22.leafage 20.saga TB 18 wind 95, Word, Excel Contact your CV is crucial. I’ve glad to. 23.marsupials complied by Jeff Blackham [email protected] seen a 5-page CV with the Sailing AGM Price £110. person’s life history on it. Russ Clark An exiting new development Tuesday 23rd March 18.00 FOR RENT Bearing in mind the average Careers Service TB11 Teddington - Bright Room in at Campusport!!! clean, quiet, n/s home, all mod Badminton AGM cons, close to BR & Kingston, WOKING DANCE UMBRELLA 1999 Tuesday 23rd March 18.30 off street parking £68.00pw Communications 2000 Telephone Cards Grant Mitchell Room incl. gas / elec / water / phone line rental / TV license. Would suit female 0181 943 9368. PMSC YOUTH On sale now at the sport centre reception are pre-paid phone cards saving you pounds and pounds on those inter- national calls. Available in £5 and £10 denominations you H ‘n’ C BALL COMMITTEE DANCE can save money if dialing from a touch tone phone. All you ANNOUNCEMENT have to do is ring a central number and then input SHOWCASE your own pin number from the back of the card and talk s promised, the H ‘n’ of success, the failure to hold away. Below are the types of card you can purchase and C Ball Committee the ball this year was unfore- the tariffs available. wish to up-date all seeable. However, having A Toshiba Youth Dance Project EURO CARD students that purchased tick- paid the deposit to the hotel, ets for the ball that was due to all of the remaining money All 5p take place on 6th February at was distributed amongst all Australia, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Finland, France, the Hotel Inter-Continental, the ticket-holders. in collaboration with Germany, Ireland, Luxembourg, Netherlands,New London. Due to the fact that Therefore, as it can be seen, Zealand, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, UK, USA the hotel have held our initial it is physically impossible deposit as a non-refundable for the Committee to return Chicken Shed Theatre ASIA CARD cancellation fee, we are the remainder of the money. Bangladesh - 39p, China - 20p, Hong Kong - 10p, India - unable to return the remain- Company 29p, Indonesia - 29p, Israel -13p, Japan - 10p, Malaysia - der of your ticket price. The Ball Committee has 10p, Nepal - 49p, Pakistan - 38p, Philippines - 19p, now been dissolved. Singapore - 16p, South Korea - 19p, Sri Lanka - 39p, It is with sincere regret that Therefore, we would like to Thailand - 25p, UAE - 29p we find ourselves in this sit- thank all of those who 21 March 1999, 3.30pm and uation. As we hope you will bought tickets for their sup- 7.45pm AFRICA CARD agree, after thirty-one years port. Cameroon - 39p, Egypt - Ghana - 25p, Ivory Coast - 49p, Rhoda McGaw Theatre, Woking Kenya - 35p, Malawi - 29p, Nigeria - 35p, Sierra Leone - CHAT Training 39p, Somalia - 35p, South Africa -25p, Sudan - 29p, Tickets: £7 Tanzania - 29p, Uganda - 29p, Zambia - 39p, Zaire - Concessions: £5 35p, Zimbabwe - 29p training session for Mitchell Room and is par- committee members ticularly aimed at chairper- Box Office: 01483 761144 Aof clubs and soci- sons and treasurers. Your While you are not restricted with any of the cards there will eties is taking place today chance to find out your role be a cheaper tariff using the appropriate continent card. (Thursday 18 March) and how the Union can Tariff sheets for each card are on display in the sport cen- between 6pm and 8pm. assist. All kinds of Dance included – don’t tre shop I think you'll agree these rates are exceptional All societies encouraged to value.Tell your friends, see you soon. John. miss out! This will be in the Grant attend. ed990318.qxd 22/03/99 17:51 Page 12 (1,1)

Surrey Pride Surrey Suffer as Kingston claw through! Climbers aim for the Top! Surrey 1st XV 5 - Kingston 1st XV 10 ust our luck, the only was being his normal Loud Sadly, Saturday's BUSA inside Kingston’s 22 (through Mark Grubb) a two climbing competi- self, with strings of expletives National climbing competi- amounted to nothing as well earned try, the final Jtions of the year so far, accompanying his falls; tion in South Wales was again and again the opposi- whistle was blown there- and they're both on the same Jennifer "Bird", having only another story. Forced to tion defence proved to be after and that was that. On weekend. Oh well, the started climbing this semester, leave at 5.30 in the morning impenetrable or Surrey just the day I thought the lads University of Surrey climbed her best; Dunc was (Climbers rarely see the lacked that finishing touch. done well, they gave a hun- Mountaineering Club loves seen teaming up with three of wrong side of 8am) to make At the half-time whistle the dred and ten percent and a challenge! the other best climbers to try the 10am start. The scoreline read Surrey 0 you can’t ask more than and Crack the hardest route Nationals are a completely Kingston 0. that, true the ref made a cou- Despite two last minute between them (and almost different class of climbing, ple of dodgy decisions put replacements due to illness, succeeding). when faced with The second half began with that’s all part of the game the U.S.M.C. A and B teams Universities like Sheffield, Surrey having to soak up innit? But at the end of the arrived at High Sports This was typical of the atmos- who have some of the UK's some of the pressure which day the lads done splendid, I Climbing Centre in Redhill phere at the competition, best outdoor climbing liter- they had been doling out in think we fought hard, gave for Fridays Sussex Inter- Competitive, but friendly, ally on their door step. the first half, yet whether it our all, played our hearts College Climbing everyone out to enjoy them- Despite the level of opposi- the storm they did. The out and as the old adage Competition, fit and ready to selves. After four hours of tion the U.S.M.C. still did Kingston 22 proved to be goes...... at the end of the give it their all. Having set the hard climbing, we all sat, shat- their best, coming in at too attractive yet again as day we wus robbed! standard at last years compe- ter and expectant in the around 35th out of 50 teams. Surrey decided to set up tition, the other University Centre's café, waiting for the Disappointing, but not camp there. After that brief managerial and College teams had risen results. embarrassing. Well, there's interlude it just remains to to the challenge making this a always next year…. Alas, again that time old be said that all who played, hard fought event. Surrey A team won the adage of “Stop f@#?+&g played with pride and pas- Overall teams event, retain- Well done to all who took around and score” (deftly sion, which made the ensu- We were each faced with 12 ing the trophy for another part: Duncan O'Sullivan, provided by our Gaelic ing evening all that much climbs ranging from Hard to year. The B Team wasn't Dave Hecker, "SirDan" cousin Ascot, or should that better, but that, as the time "F**k!-That's-Impossible!". too far behind and Duncan Sudbury, Karen Gooch, be Merci Jean-Luc?) eluded old adage says, is another Well if we were going to win, O'Sullivan won the prize for Colin Sermons, Paul Jolley, us and the scoreboard story! it would be in style… the University's Open com- Malcolm Martin, Jennifer remained blank (not that we "SirDan" was being his nor- petition. Still basking in his Sparrow, Simon Harrison o, the build up to this had a scoreboard to write on The Boy Davis. mal Narley self; Karen victory he was almost left and Laura Tamblin. game hadn’t been our anyway you understand!). showed us WHY she teaches behind as we headed back to Susual psyche-up rou- climbing in Canada; Colin the Union to celebrate. Colin Sermons tine. Instead we were all A crushing blow was then asked to pose nicely for our dealt to the wondrous war- team photo, a task (which riors as their heroic captain would have been difficult was forced to leave the field Pay per view? anyway) made increasingly after sustaining a perilous harder by the fact that we injury, (alright, alright, so I he pay per view revo- If, as suspected, the MMC were still being asked to say twisted my knee but who lution is upon us! back Sky in their case “sausages” with just ten says I can’t ham it up a lit- TFinally, we as con- against the Premier League minutes to kick-off! With all tle?) mid-way through the sumers of fine football can and allow Rupert Murdoch that brouhaha accomplished second half. With Surrey pay twice for the privilege to buy Man Utd, here’s what we all set our minds to the still confused about who of watching a glorious 0-0 might happen next. Man challenge of defying the evil was now playing where, draw between Oxford and Utd negotiate their own deal forces of the Kingston Uni Kingston capitalised and Sunderland. For just £6.95 with the TV companies, in 1st XV. scored a well-worked try. A you too could thrill as bad the same way as England little indiscipline (ahem!) football is played before did in the Five Nations The first half was tight all led to Kingston kicking a you. The decision to show rugby, and the Premier the way, with Surrey just further three points from a this game on pay per view League suspend them, and having the edge. Unluckily penalty. made sound economic sense any other clubs who try to that time old adage of turn- to the people at Sky. do this. The Premier ing pressure into points was Surrey continued to battle Sunderland’s huge loyal League is then sued by these all too true. Frequent spells courageously and scored support locked out of clubs for restraint of trade, Oxford’s Manor Ground, or they form their own Oxford desperate for cash as league, probably a League they strive to stay in busi- of Europe. ness, but it just showed how far the game has gone from Now, if you support these it’s grass roots. clubs this may not seem like such a bad thing, as your If I were a dramatic person I club gets more money and would advise those of us better players, but ask your- who support smaller clubs self this, do you get more to start writing their obituar- excited, if you are an ies. With the advent of pay Arsenal fan, watching your per view and MUTV (where team playing Lens or Spurs? you can see the reserve games!) the future for the It is possible, as the rich get smaller clubs looks bleak. richer, and the poor, poorer, The question still remains that there are no local der- though, how any Man Utd bies in ten years time, as the fans who don’t go to the football industry gets bigger games will pay for these and bigger. Take away the new services,. The arm- history of football and you chair fans have hardly take away its lifeblood. protested to the Premier Football without history is League being on Sky, so football without passion, wouldn’t they just rather and football without passion read about the game in their is no football at all. newspapers? Silverfox