Meeting Will Ferrell

I was riding shot-gun in my friend Jon's new Tahoe, pawing through our Zaxby's to-go bags for a Kickin' Chicken sandwich, while Jon navigated the downtown Raleigh traffic with reckless abandon. "Dude, we should have just gone to Teeter," I managed through a mouthful of fried mushrooms, "Rothenberg is definitely giving me detention this time."

John pulled an unseemly right turn into Cameron Village; the up-scale shopping center behind

Broughton High School. "Nonsense, the last time we got Zaxby's, I went three-for-four against

Leesville," Jon replied, as he narrowly missed T-boning a Mercedes. "Something about that greasy goodness makes me mash like Pujols."

The Tahoe careened around a group of terrified pedestrians; they gestured obscenely while Jon shouted back in equally rude fashion out the window.

"If I make it back at all," I choked out while grabbing my soda from the dash and saving it a perilous fall. "You know if you drove like a sane person, your new interior wouldn't already look like downtown Baghdad."

Jon ignored me and whipped out his IPhoneto answer an incoming call. It annoyed me his parents bought him whatever he wanted, car or phone, when I drove a hick truck that even the

Hazards would scoff at and had a flip phone that resembled a calculator.

³Sup T, way to come to lunch with us you jerk-off,´ Jon yelled into the phone over the blaring radio.

³Yeah, sure you had to get coffee with Catherine as Starbucks again; perhaps you can go shop with her for dresses too this afternoon instead of pitching for us.´

The berated caller had to be Taylor, our buddy on the baseball team whose girlfriend had a tighter grip on him than spandex on a Twinkie¶s addict. ³Wait. Who¶s at Starbucks? No way. Be there in sec.´

With that Jon hung up the phone and pulled another SUV-defying U-turn in front of the REI

store and headed back to the Starbucks.

³Bro! What was that?´ I shrieked, ³I swear if you kill us, I will get you busted for trying to hustle

Saint Peter and have your ass on a one-way ticket down under real quick!´

Jon laughed, ³Relax man, Will frikin¶ Ferrell is at Starbucks!´

Immediately any thoughts of ramifications for tardiness were dismissed. Will Ferrell! Besides

their favorite sports team and Mila Kunis, there a few things teenage boys hold in higher in

higher esteem than Will Ferrell movies. Old School, Anchor Man, and Step Brothers lines are

committed to memory, and referenced in conversation whenever possible; an annoying custom to

anyone who doesn¶t appreciate inane humor.

We swung into the Starbucks parking lot, and luckily found a spot right by the front of the shop.

We jumped out of the Tahoe, giddy as young girls at a Beiber concert, ³I wonder what he¶s

doing here, in Raleigh!´ Jon gushed. ³If I was an actor I would never leave Hollywood. Well, maybe to visit my house in Malibu, but that¶s about it.´

³Maybe he¶s filming a movie here!´ I conjectured as we busted through the front door of the coffee shop, ³Maybe we can get roles as extras-´

My sentence was cut short as we surveyed the coffee shop, and there sitting three tables away from us was none other than Mr. Frank the Tank himself. Ferrell was sitting cross-legged, a baby carriage on one side, and mocha in-hand. He had on these ridiculous movie star-glasses that covered the majority of his face, but his trademark curly hair was at a Chia Pet-length; unmistakably Will Ferrell. I pushed Jon forward and he stammered out ³Um Mr. Ferrell?´ Halfasking and half

demanding to ascertain this wasn¶t some sadistic look-a-like who enjoyed tormenting high

school kids. He turned around and looked genuinely disappointed that someone had recognized

him, despite what he had apparently thought was a good disguise. ³What¶s up boys?´

³Wow, um it¶s really you,´ I managed to croak out, ³Why would you come here? I mean,

not that¶s weird or anything! Just wondering«´ I trailed off. I was crashing and burning.

Luckily, he was cool and told us that he had family in Raleigh that he was visiting. I really can¶t

recall much else about our conversation that followed for the next few minutes, I¶m sure we asked some riveting questions like, ³Which hot actresses have you made out with,´ and ³Who¶s

funnier, Vince Vaughn or John Reilly?´

I do remember checking my watch and realizing that Mr. Rothenberg was going keep me from

graduating with detention until I was 25. Then I got this peculiar notion and decided to act on it,

³Mr. Ferrell, would you mind writing us a note to class?´ I figured you can¶t get in trouble if a

famous person¶s got your back right? He laughed and wrote us both notes to class and wished us

luck.

On the drive back to school, we were ecstatic and massed-texted as many people as possible,

³Just met Will Ferrell at Starbucks!!!!!!!! Look for me in new movie trailer!!!!!!´ A downright,

bold-faced lie, but boy, I have never felt so popular. My phone was blowing up like I had just

committed to the NFL as I walked into Rothenberg¶s class and was greeted with, ³Mr. Musser!

So nice of you to join us,´ by an annoyed Mr. Rothenberg. I put on my best I-know-what-I did-

was-wrong-and-hate-myself-for-it look that adults love and said, ³I know it¶s no excuse to be

late again, but I have a note... From someone famous.´ Mr. Rothenberg raised his eyebrows and

took the paper and read aloud, Dear Mr. Rothenberg, please excuse Caleb for being late, he bought me 50.00 worth of

Starbucks gift cards and is a good guy.

Regards,

Will Ferrell