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Issue 934 - Weekly Thursday 26th March 1998 Millbank tapes: now the Tories step in

Bare Facts story revealed Labour’s “disgraceful act of deception” says Shadow Education Secretary

before the last election in order to secure MattPannell their electoral support.” Editor Mr Dorrell then headed for the House of Senior Conservative MP’s last Commons. Quoting the report in his speech week seized on a recent Bare during the debate on the Teaching and Facts report as evidence that the Higher Education Bill, which contains the Labour Party committed a controversial fees proposal, he clashed with ‘disgraceful act of deception’ Margaret Hodge, Labour MP for Barking, in before last year’s general elec- an exchange documented in Hansard, the record of all parliamentary debates. The tion. spokesman quoted in Bare Facts had, argued Dorrell, “made it crystal clear at that official Two weeks ago, Bare Facts exposed Labour briefing that the Government did not intend party spokesmen as having briefed student to introduce tuition fees”. “That is not so”, journalists, immediately before last year’s interjected Hodge. “I shall read it again as general election, that students would not the honourable lady appears to have missed have to pay tuition fees. In a briefing espe- it” replied Dorrell, adding that the evidence cially for student newspapers at the party’s merely “confirms what we all know to be Millbank headquarters, a spokesman had true, which is that, ahead of the election, said that “our proposals only relate to main- Labour had decided to abolish the mainte- tenance support....the public purse should nance grant. Now, the Government like to support tuition fees.” The party announced claim that the passage in the manifesto its decision to impose fees just months later, made that explicit and clear, but it was care- with Labour MP’s claiming that their policy fully worded to obscure the Labour party’s had not changed, pointing out that the policy.” Party’s manifesto was unclear on the issue. The Conservatives, whose own track record Stephen Dorrell MP, the Shadow Secretary on managing higher education funding of State for Education & Training, received could hardly be called squeaky clean, went Bare Facts on Friday 13th March, after it on to attack David Blunkett, the Secretary of was passed to him by staff working for the State for Education accusing him of ‘being National Union of Students. Dorrell then hit in a mess’ with the current plans. out at Peter Mandelson the following Monday, in a press release issued from NUS staff were pleased with the Tories’ Conservative Central Office. Commenting swift response, and went on this week to on the report, he said “It is now clear that claim that if parents assessed to make a con- before the last election the Labour Party tribution under the new fees system fail to War of words - deliberately misled students over their poli- do so at the same rate as current defaults on cy for the reform of higher education fund- assessed maintenance contributions, the Top: the original story, published on ing...Peter Mandelson manipulated his audi- 12th March. shortfall faced by universities could total ence into believing that students would not £31 million. According to NUS President Middle: the response from the pay tuition fees under Labour. Four months Douglas Trainer, universities may end up Conservative Party spin doctors. later, Labour cynically broke this using selective recruitment, only taking on pledge...Students up and down the country Bottom: an extract from Hansard, the students whose parents will pay. now know that Labour deceived them record of parliamentary debates, from March 16th.

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 . ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 26th March 1998 n News in Brief James Buller’s Yeltsin sacks Russian NHS chiefs get ultimatum governement NHS managers will face chop if they do not fail Health Secretary, Frank Dobson has cut their waiting lists for treatments. The promised advice from those successful man- government is anxious to meet its flagship agers but said they could ultimately be Chernomyrdin’s successor, a 35 year old manifesto promise to remove 100,000 sacked if they do not deliver. Tracy Griffiths “technocrat” from the Ministry Of Energy. patients from hospital waiting lists. If they Sergei Kiriyenko is now a hair’s breadth Consumer goods prices to come down o once again the Russian President away from the Presidency of Russia, Boris Yeltsin is making headlines all because if Yeltsin does die (which seems fairly likely despite the constant denials One week after the price hikes of the tive has the aim of cutting the cost of food, Sover world. This time, however, his from the Kremlin) he will become the acting Budget, the Chancellor and his EU counter- CD’s, sports goods and cars to match US health is not in speculation. He has sacked President. parts have announced plans to cut the prices prices. It is hoped this will help ease the fig- the whole of his government, for lacking of many products. Gordon Brown’s initia- ure of 18 million out-of-work Europeans. “the dynamism required for the necessary reforms.” He has confounded his critics, So who are the losers in this sweeping Art for every body who only one week ago were complaining change? The main loser seems to be Viktor that he was incapable of decisive action. Chernomyrdin, the former Prime Minister, A sculptor has appeared in court accused of allegedly paid for an inside source to smug- How they have been proved wrong! He had who had been a devoted and respected stealing human remains from the Royal gle out body parts, including a head to make indicated that he was unhappy with his gov- member of Yeltsins’ government. Another College Of Surgeons. The macabre artist sculptures. He is pleading not guilty. ernment when he bounced back from his loser is the unpopular Anatoly Chubais, who health scare in September and chastised had been the Chief of Staff before being them for infighting. demoted late last year to First Deputy Prime A table for 15,000 please, waiter Minister. Anatoly Chubais had been consid- ered an excellent economist but his reforms 15,000 Portuguese ate themselves into the table ever laid. They ate on what is now the When he decided to sack Prime Minister proved deeply unpopular and ineffective. record books last week. They devoured the longest bridge in Europe: the Vasco da Chernomyrdin, who had been widely con- The fact that he is engaged to Yeltsin’s largest lunch ever served-several tones of Gama bridge, and used 200 buses to get to sidered as his successor, he had no choice daughter Tatyana Dyachenko, will make for the traditional dish "feijoada", at the longest their seats. but to sack the whole of the government. The economic and political problems that an interesting wedding! 104 year-old driver causes chaos Russia faces at the moment were, according to Yeltsin, intensified by his ministers’ spo- This is the latest move by an ailing A 104 year old Swedish driver could be the crashing into parked cars. Finally he got radic attempts at reform. Yeltsin now President desperate to maintain a grip on oldest ever to be prosecuted for dangerous stuck while doing a 3 point turn and ended intends to increase the speed of reform of power despite his incredibly fragile health. driving. The old man caused mayhem while up going back and forth smashing into cars the state industries to improve Russia’s ail- However, whether he will live to see the out on his Sunday afternoon spin in his Ford on each side of the street. The man told ing economy. next Presidential elections in the year 2000 Cortina. Police say he ran red lights and police that he drove daily. is anyone’s guess. The Presidential race is Who will assist him in this pace of change? now thrown wide open and there are so He has chosen a relative unknown to be many contenders, will Yeltsin have the Titanic rstrengthem to fenda themi off?ns unsinkable

screen sitcoms in the states. Bruce Chapman Good Will Hunting was the other winner of inning 11 Oscars in Monday the evening with Matt Damon and Ben night’s 70th Academy Award Affleck taking the award for Best Original WCeremony, Titanic has equalled Screenplay and Robin Williams winning Ben Hur as the most celebrated film of all Best Supporting Actor. Two nods of agree- time. ment from this critic for one of the best films to hit the big screen in a long time. Winning the Best Picture award is justified for this epic tale and the most expensive The losers? Well, The Full Monty was pret- film ever made. However, James Cameron ty much overlooked, only taking one of the as Best Director? Was this just the Musical awards. This goes against popular Academy steaming along on the wave of opinion, but in the fact of fierce competition public opinion? Titanic is more of an exer- from Titanic, it only ever stood an outside cise in good administration in comparison to chance. L.A. Confidential, Curtis Hanson’s direc- Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was toral masterpiece. This was slightly offset Boogie Nights and Burt Reynolds leaving by Kim Bassinger deservedly winning Best the ceremony empty-handed. For another Supporting Actress. amazing film and a great comeback perfor- mance from one of the old stars of the Other winners of the night? Jack Nicholson screen, this controversial picture was over- earning yet another Oscar as Best Actor for looked in favour of what was, after all, a his performance as a compulsive-obsessive film about a ship. At least the Academy are in As Good As It Gets. Jack really is one of as fickle as ever. the last remaining stars in Hollywood and although he has his share of bad films to his All in all, a record-breaking night for a sink- name, his latest performance will bring him ing ship, the stuffing knocked out of last back to the public eye more than any of his year’s mammoth winner The English previous comeback vehicles. Patient, a drought of awards for us Brits and The Full Monty remaining fully clothed. If Helen Hunt as Best Actress? Surprising and you haven’t done so already, go and see controversial in the face of Kate Winslett Good Will Hunting, As Good as it Gets, and Dame Judie Dench, but at the same time Boogie Nights, or - for the umpteenth time - a deserved winner for a talented and over- Titanic. looked actress, who now looks as though she will no longer be confined to small- ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 3 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March 1998 News 3 Talent Competition: Right on cue

“individual” conditions and the aftermath Tom Sherwen each match was played in a sporting albeit very compet- inally, about time, itive manner. Top prize of Woman’ and ‘Techno Mozart’ to an 1st Place Dave The results of Sunday’s tal- thank god and at last, £10, a FNO ticket and an enthusiastic audience. Young band 2nd Place Housewife ent competition proved con- were all comments extremely nice pool cue, Coy were up next, showing a great deal 3rd Place Bohica F troversial, the six judges made by the forty-one generously donated by of potential for future success in the swimming against a tide of entrants to the first Guildford Automatics, went talent competition...watch this space! popular opinion on the day. University of Surrey pool to Barry Willis. Having Calling Orson received a tremendous There were tears of happiness and dis- competition for absolutely “bravely” beaten both the So, what happened? support from the audience and played appointment, some amazed faces and bloody ages. Despite a late organisers in earlier rounds, what they described as their ‘best set some disgruntled bands, but, in all switch to Thursday night the Barry won an extremely Harriet Sims ever’. Rounding up the day was Dave, these things, judges’ decision is final interest shown was well close final against Jem another young, up-and-coming band and the music industry thrives on con- beyond anything I had Ramazanoglu. ell, it’s all over. This year who delighted the audience with their troversy. Huge congratulations to the saw probably the highest hoped for or expected. catchy, poppy songs, and finished off winners, Dave. We’ll be expecting big Congratulations to Barry standard of student talent W the proceedings on a high note (!!). things from you in the future. and everyone who took part ever seen here. It was a difficult The tournament ran very smoothly and special thanks and in particular Belinda enough task for the judges deciding The 6 judges were a good mixture of And equally huge congratulations to must go to Kev Chan who Olafsson who brilliantly who should go through to the final, but performers, agents and band bookers all the bands who took part, especially helped me organise the first represented the female entry the task of deciding the overall winner and went off into their huddle for what those who made it through to the final. of what I hope to be many entirely on her own. If an was really tough. seemed like forever. 35 minutes later, Thanks to Stage Crew, who did a great more pool competitions. If experimental competition Alan Roy emerged from behind the big job throughout. Thanks to all the you are interested in help- can be such a resounding The final afternoon began at 1.30, black curtains to announce this years judges of the heats and the final, and ing, then just let me know success, there is no reason along with Hari’s Beer Keller, which winners. He began by explaining thanks to all of you, the audience, who through the new Pool why pool at Surrey cannot also went down a storm. Bohica began some of the criteria for judging; qual- gave so much support to the acts and pigeon hole. As to the actu- go from strength to strength. the day with their original and catchy ity of songs, enthusiasm, audience made the whole competition such a al competition, the standard rock style and set the scene for an response and professionalism. Then success. This will be a hard year to fol- was excellent. Everyone astounding day. Housewife followed, came the moment everyone had been low. played under the same playing their favourites ‘Big Fat waiting for: Mountaineers hold dinner The poetry corner

Holland and co. and the Eli Bowley fine cuisine was enjoyed Tip of a pen Colin Sermons by everyone (so was the wine!) After which it was Sure of a pen’s comfort; It was Friday the 13th; this didn’t time to get down to the It smoothes along, bode well for what is the highlight of serious business of the the USMC social calendar. But fear award ceremony. This follows my fingers’ desires, not Eli Bird was in charge…… saw members of the club touches the line here PANIC!!! receiving various items as and there; awards to recognise its many curves undulate As five o’clock approached the mem- events throughout the forming loops, shallows, a trough, a peak, bers of the University of Surrey year. This was to include: Mountaineering Club converged on an - mimicking a mood, unsuspecting Campusport brandishing silently communicating a voice, a heart, (in some cases, very new and shiny) The Yellow laces - most releasing a constant stream of ink, lead racks, smelly climbing shoes and spectacular lead fall relentless like pity, D.J.s. By about 5.20pm, and after a lot (they’re the dangerous its tiny rasps murmur from the page, of flapping in true bird-like fashion, ones!), the Cowboy of the Eli had managed to shove 14 climbers year, Golden Krab award, its future clear, and the necessary supplies for the jour- most spectacular wimp clear like centimetres, ney into the white minibus and they out of the year, a true straight margin. were on their way, and more impor- And Tart of the year. tantly out of her hair!!! (Feeling a bit The page will always accept stressed were you?) Safe in the knowl- We also gave special wet kisses from its tip, edge that they would be stuck in the awards for the most out- some people!!!) and a lot of the club traffic on the M25, that left a few more standing comedy moments throughout members managed to eat large will always be held people to wait for and eventually both the year. amounts of fried food, it was great (. in the tender embrace of three minibuses and the gear bus were Peak After we had eventually managed to fingers and even its plastic heart District bound by about 7pm. The hotel barman proved to be one make everyone part with their keys and is infinite in its expression: cool cookie, remaining un-flustered nice warm beds, circus antics ensued can easily write words like ‘love’ We reached the pre-arranged ren- when confronted with the dilemma of as we tried to extract the minibuses dezvous point (Translation: nearest who to serve first, The Playboy Bunny from the hotel car park (with debatable or ‘hate’ and score through both, pub to where the first minibus ran out with the whip or the Transvestite in the success!). Once more we headed for can equally have the power of ambiguity, of alcohol!) and were soon settled pink dress (the least said about this the the…. (Drum roll please!) …. CRAG! the deviousness of words down for a couple of bevvies. better!!?!) And a day of some climbing, much eat- or just mumble like scribbles. The next day was spent (dare I say it?) ing of chocolate cake and the sport of CLIMBING! Lots of people went up, As the evening wore on and the bar- ‘pushing the sleeping Arwel down the some came down faster than planned, man had started to drink with us (prob- hill’ (tee hee hee) followed. We made Longing and desire waits and others just sat around admiring the ably a wise course of action consider- good time on the journey home and Like a page for ink. view (getting windburn!). ing the sights in his bar - a bloke clean- were in the Union in time for last We eventually descended upon the ing his nostrils with a condom etc. etc.) orders to nicely round off the weekend. plush unsuspecting hotel covered in and some people decided to toddle off If you want to find out more about the mud, sweat and glowing a nice shade to bed. In the end the bar shut at about USMC, or want to have a go at climb- of red (saves on blusher!) all looking 2.30am (minus a few items) and peo- ing, check out the club web-page or Kevin Chan forward to a nice warm shower and an ple went back to their rooms to either come along to the Vertex at evening of drunken foolishness. sleep, throw up or pass out (or a com- Campusport any Wednesday afternoon Dinner was eventually served after the bination of all 3 in some cases!!!) 3pm to 5pm. arrival of the ever late Joe McCarthy- Sunday dawned another fine day (for melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 5pm ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Editorial Thursday 26th March 1998 n Your Letters

Talent contest decision ‘astounding’ Middle East: don’t forget the Palestinians Dear Editor, * Variety of Material Dear Editor, the Middle East is due to the Arabs oppos- * Audience Reaction and ing the UN partition plan for Palestine in * Stage Presence. I am writing to question the judges’ decision Imagine, if you will, the following situa- 1948. Can you blame them? to give Calling Orson no credit in the 1998 tion..... Talent contest. With no disrespect to Dave, As one of the 100 or so enthusiastic audi- I myself, do not claim to be an expert on the ence members that made their way to the You are happily living your life in Surrey the eventual winners, I find it astounding when suddenly on the news you hear that Middle Eastern situation, but it does seem to that a band who performed 8 of their own dancefloor to witness the energetic perfor- me that as a nation we are very pro-Israel, mance given by Calling Orson, and noting the UN have decided to create a homeland songs and 2 covers throughout the competi- for a large group of refugees. The site of the and that is not necessarily a bad thing in tion should not be given the respect they the criteria stated above, I really feel that itself, but we should not ignore the plight of they deserved better. homeland will be half of the UK, the bit deserve. Especially considering that the South of Birmingham (although you can the Palestinians who are in fact people who judges claimed that in addition to musical have been displaced themselves. Yours disappointedly keep a piece of London). Then you are talent they were looking for: asked to please move out of the new home- Just one more closing point, the author last Vicki Bowers land and into some lovely settlements in the North (no disrespect to Northerners of week made the point that Israel has not More ‘disbelief’ at talent contest result course). Almost 50 years later you are still threatened its neighbours with chemical Dear Editor, judges do have, and are welcome to, their there, living in conditions which can only be weapons. Perhaps, the situation in Southern own opinions. However I am concerned as described as disgusting. Effectively, you Lebanon should be looked at for what it is. I am writing to express my complete and to how greatly their opinion differs to those have become the refugee. The question I of the audience. I am well aware that the have for you is, would you refuse the UN Here’s to peace, and a compromise for both utter disbelief concerning the result of the sides! 1998 Talent contest. For those of you who result could never be reversed, though I partitioning plan? would like to forward the idea that Calling are unaware, the result stands at: ‘Dave’ Name & URN supplied first, ‘Housewife’ second, ‘Bohica’ third Orson should perform at the Graduation I am referring to a comment made in a letter and ‘Coy’ and ‘Calling Orson’ last. This Ball. I think that as we are forced to support published in BF last week in which the result came as a complete surprise to almost the judges’ opinion in the Talent Contest, author suggested that the current conflict in everybody in the Union. Having spoken to for the Graduation Ball we should see the all of the bands beforehand, the musicians acts that we, the students, want to see. I A crap letter clearly felt that it was a direct fight between know that I am not alone in this view and Housewife and Calling Orson. When they would prove incredibly popular. Dear Editor, clever version of crap. After all its better to Housewife was announced as second, use crap than to be write it. (sic) Looking forward to seeing the support that everybody assumed that Calling Orson had I was pleased to see John Dear using the Calling Orson deserve, reached the top spot. However, somehow word 'crapulent' in his front page article last Yours sincerely, Dave stole the limelight. I agree that the week. It's always seemed apropriate for a Jake Conway newspaper devoted to student life as it Andy Parton Talent show tantrums: Calling Orson were ‘discriminated against’ means 'suffering from sickness due to excessive drinking'. However, it would Dear Editor far better than Dave on stage, jumping about probabally wise (sic) not to try to use it as a and looking as if they were enjoying them- What the hell happened in the talent con- selves and were far more confident than test?! Do the union have a problem with Dave. b) Audience participation; who had Calling Orson. Without them unplugged the most support and who’s performance did would have been nothing this year yet the the audience most enjoy? Dave? I don’t Union seem to have the problem with them. think so! Calling Orson had far more sup- There was a chance that Calling Orson port. The winners of the contest were sup- could play at the Charter Ball, but this never posed to support Rootjoose and warm up the happened, maybe the ball would have been audience. How can a band that can only more successful if they had. Who fills in perform 4 songs be a support band when the when the Union is let down by another band audience doesn’t even get involved? At the – Calling Orson! They were supposed to end of the day the consensus view was that play at the beginning of the semester and it the three best bands were Housewife, was cancelled. Now they’ve been discrimi- Calling Orson and Bohica. If these three nated against again. Were the judges blind bands had been placed in the top three, in and deaf? Calling Orson should have at any order, there would have been far less least been placed. The criteria the judges complaints, but as it is, it seems Calling were using to judge the competition were a) Orson has been discriminated against yet Band presence on stage; Calling Orson were again! Liz Case Johnny boy’s ‘wheels of pants’ just won’t do Dear Editor merely as a short slap-stick gag, a clever but fairly unfunny parody of the outdated I read with interest the Entertainments stereotype of mobile disco DJ’s. I have to Guide in last weeks Bare Facts, mostly pay- ask myself is this meant as a satire on the ing attention to next Friday’s arranged standard Union entertainment? entertainment. Please - you can do better than this. After 10 hard weeks of work (okay - 3 hard Counteract the criticism of the Charter Ball weeks of trying to get my essays in on time), by providing a band that really are value for I was looking forward to a memorable money. After all, you have brought in many social occasion to mark the beginning of my fine bands for Sunday evenings. Can’t one well-earned Easter holidays and to set of those be persuaded to come back for a myself in fine spirits for the forthcoming second running? celebration of re-birth. I had asked myself “What fine band will they provide for my Yours faithfully, entertainment” on said night. After the ster- ling work of getting the Lightening Seeds and Finlay Quaye, I had high hopes. But I Daniel Stephens looked down, and what did I see? Jonny Boy Revell and his “wheels of steel”. His P.S. Try and get the Dust Junkys (nb - not wheels of pants more like. What a bunch of “Junkies” as in last weeks album review). arse. We are getting something that is used They are brilliant. ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 5 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March 1998 letters 5 Your Letters

Entertainments need rethinking Pornograpy: where should the line be drawn? Dear Editor, especially when we are being asked to fork Dear Editor, The issue wasn’t what was right and what out such a large amount of our limited cash. was wrong, but who controlled our freedom It brings us back to basic student needs. It’s After all the recent debates regarding Iraq In response to the letter concerning a work- of expression. Obviously, there are some the last night out before the long Easter and pornogrophy, I feel it’s time to return to man’s ‘pornographic’ calendar in edition issues like child pornography and graphic break and most people, after a stressful the basic issue of Ents, student needs and 931, I felt the need to reply, especially after violence that on the whole, western society exam week, just want to go out and have a value for money. It’s a classic case of one listening to a debate on freedom of expres- finds offensive and would not sanction for fun night in the union. It’s time the union step forward, two steps back for the union. sion on ‘The Moral Maze’ today. widespread consumption. wakes up and stops taking us for granted. The semester began with the gross over- Pornography can be offensive and degrad- charging of the first FNO, then greatly ing, but where does one draw the line in But, surely in the case of a pornographic One final thought, after the success of the improved with all the theme nights but now censorship? Censorship may seem an calendar (exactly what does pornographic talent competition and the obvious quality looks like finishing on a damp note with the extreme term in relation to these offended mean in this case - like ‘page three’, or are of some of our bands, isn’t it time that stu- final FNO featuring...... Johnny Boy Revel young women. But does one have the right we talking about the use of serious hardware dent bands were given more of a chance to and his Wheels of Steel! to sanction what others read, look at, or here?) spied through a window, one could play in the main union? think about? If bare breasts and thighs are be mature enough to could be mature OK so he would liven the evening up a bit offensive to women, are pictures of half- enough to respect somebody’s freedom of Mark Stuart but is he really worth paying a fiver for just naked men, which are popular now, offen- choice. Or are these young women suggest- (For anyone interested in Entertainments in to hear Cindies music for an hour and have sive to men? Should these be banned as ing that we have an authoritarian institution the Students’ Union, the Ents Committee him say “have a great one”? We learnt from well? where nobody can express their individuali- the Christmas Ball that DJ’s who arrive at meets at 6:15 every Monday in the Grant ty. Does this mean that my floor should Mitchell Room, downstairs in the Union, midnight to play an hour long set really My floor’s kitchen has a happy marriage of loose its breakfast time visual entertain- and is open to all students - ed) don’t work as the main event of an evening, male and female posters (all demurely ment? posed and semi-clothed) on the notice Or on a more serious note, does it mean that Pornography campaigners hit back board. We are exercising our freedom to look at sexually attractive people while marginalised groups such as homosexuals, Dear Editor, “Complaining about ladies with no clothes munching our coco-pops (and all prefer- bisexuals and some religious groups are pre- is so eighties” is another comment. This is ences have been catered for). vented from expressing their individuality? I hope these offended young women read Why, dear little boys, did you get upset? In not something which was only discussed in the eighties (were you even born then?), but Would these young women be offended and the article by the Equal Opportunities an ideal world, men and women would Officer and got a sense of perspective. show each other respect , be equal and get continues to be discussed, Haven’t you degraded by that? The ‘Moral Maze’ men- noticed? Sad. tioned a gay photographer’s book, which the same treatment from people wherever Or are they sanctioning that no student or they went and from whomever they talked contained sado-masochism pictures (includ- Yes, everyone is most certainly entitled to ing an interesting receptacle for a bull’s staff member has the right to express them- to. There is no such thing as an ideal world, selves? I don’t personally fancy being at a but the world is a sad place. And if anything, their opinion, but that doesn’t mean we have whip) as well as ‘standard’ still-lives. The to agree - does it? Once there was a man debate was, should this be banned? Was university controlled by those who think we felt sad when we read the reactions to they are protecting society when in fact they our letter about pornography in the universi- called Hitler and he was entitled to his opin- this akin to Murdoch’s ‘editing’ and refusal ion..... to print Patten’s book to protect the former’s have no respect for anyone’s freedom, ty. Where did people in this country go except their own. wrong? Why do people get upset about “In this society, we citizens must tolerate the business in China. (Allegedly). harmless foibles of our fellow homosapiens women being offended by pornography? L. Astbury WHY? and why do you think we should if civilisation as we know it is to be sus- look the other way? If everybody looked the tained.” Wow, doesn’t that sound beautiful? Chemistry department is unsafe other way every time they saw something We almost cried when we read it. And of course you are the one to decide what’s Dear Editor, either he wasn’t aware that it was now safe they didn’t like, the world would never or, more alarmingly, that people were change. And while we are at it, WHY DID- harmless? There are plenty of people (sadly enough) who think that child pornography, I’m writing to inform and complain about allowed in when it WASN’T SAFE. N’T PEOPLE WHO GOT UPSET LOOK So I went out again.... Another walk over THE OTHER WAY in that case? We don’t for example, is harmless and they are enti- that shambolic situation that I found myself tled to their opinion. That’s part of the civil- in on Monday afternoon. Level 19. And returned to the fire point, think pornography within a university is with another array of increasingly pissed off okay. Once again - what people do at home isation you want to sustain. Because we On Monday morning, I was going to my lec- don’t want any changes - do we? ture in the Computer-Aided Chemistry lab people. 3 mins later we were allowed in is their business. The old “soon we will have again. This time I decided to travel through people telling us what we can and cannot do in Level 19 in building AZ. However the We never said that people shouldn’t be main entrance between AZ and AX was Level 17 (probably annoying H&C, but I at home” just doesn’t work. Think twice too was annoyed)... (Have you thought at all?!!) allowed to watch pornography at home. We closed. I therefore decided to walk to the just said that we do not want pornography other side of the building to gain entrance If this fire had been any worse, I don’t We never said that all men who watch within the DEPARTMENTS of this univer- (since you can’t walk right though level 19 sity. There is a clear difference you know (or since the planner, foolishly, decided to place believe it’s too strong to say that people pornography attack women (though there is could have actually died in there. If you are a clear connection between men who do don’t you?). Even though 4 people wrote a lab right in the centre of it). Sadly, again, I lovely and well composed answers to our wasn’t lucky, since the entrance was also travelling in haste to the fire exit you don’t attack women and pornography). “Respect expect it to be apparently blocked off, is a commodity to be earned on one’s mer- letter we still don’t understand why you got closed down. -I walked around the building upset in the first place. It seems to us that again and had to walk over Level 20 and because then you need to go against the tide its, not issued on demand to half the world’s of equally distressed people to try another. population” writes one upset person (PR you were offended. Well tough luck! back down to level 19. Nobody in this place seems to worry a bit So I was now in a room where my two Finally having to decide to chance your luck Groves - Steve.). Really?! My God, are you walking though a chemical lab full of sol- a sad little person? Don’t you think it’s a about offending other people. points of exit in the case of a fire appeared closed. My lecturer and myself mused on vents during a fire or walk up a level and better idea that all the people in this world across and down again. respect each other? You won’t know a thing And for your information: of course we are the fact that we were buggered if there was 2 ugly, single virgins who wear grey M&S a fire. about most people you run into in your life, Additionally, why and how were people does that mean that you don’t have to knickers, who feel sick when we see naked In the afternoon, there was an oil fire -we people and who hate sex! How did you had to leave. Not through the CAC fire exit allowed back in when some guards were respect them, because you can’t be sure that still evacuating people? Normally, and if they have actually earned it? Grow up. know ?!!! How dared we walk into Mr H’s has it doesn’t, apparently, lead anywhere office? Actually, we weren’t a bit afraid! constructive, and not through the lab. So sense had anything to do with the situation, a guard would be on each door and someone The reason why we wrote the letter this term We’re sure that Mr H appreciates your con- again I had to walk right over the building. cern though. And by the way: it’s Mrs X and Anyway, the fire brigade arrived -all be it should be with the people who have got out, and not last term was that we talked to the keeping them up to date. Union in December and they said they Ms Y. Why we didn’t want our names print- unable to reach the building properly. ed alongside our views? Because we sus- People still filtering out of the building - would take action in this issue. Since noth- I think today has shown a sad lacking in fire ing seemed to have happened, we decided to pected that we would attract attention from probably delayed since they tried to exit the loony males like you and as sweet as you are building using the known fire exits, as we’d safety in the Chemistry and SBS blocks, as write the letter. Though we do find it hilari- well as a lack of communication between ous that even the fact that it took us three we don’t want you hanging on our use in a practice. doorsteps. After a while the alarms went off and the staff. I don’t care if maintainence work is months before we wrote the letter upset you. only a temporary thing - a fire exit can be Talk about not having a life.... We think it is Well, bye for now little boys! firemen left. People started to filtering in again (another glorious walk over and used at any time! a good idea that you contact Esther of Yours Concerned and, luckily, not burned, Vanessa, see BBC2 website for details as PR Names and URNs supplied around Level 19). I sat down at my com- Groves suggested. puter, only for some bloke in a security coat telling me to evacuate again, illustrating that Anton McCoy ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Thursday 26th March 1998 n

sive. ‘Owed To A Devil’ becomes long and repet- itive. This is a band I will be looking out for in ALBUM OF THE WEEK SINGLES the future. 7/10 G.D. ALBUMS PITCHSHIFTER - www.pitchshifter.com (Geffen) THE WARM JETS - Hurricane (Island) A concoction of raw energy, unstable elements heated together for 53 min- MASSIVE ATTACK – Tear Drop (Virgin) Radio 1 sanctioned daytime rock song. Fairly IZZY STRADLIN- 117 Degrees utes, to form an uncontrollable amount of hard and fast break-beats, manic New Single taken from forthcoming album pleasant to listen to with a nice big chorus. A (Geffen) basslines and deadly guitars. Joined with the serious lyrical base dis- ‘Mezzanine’, very dark and atmospheric, but with softer more subtle version of Therapy. Expect a Izzy left Guns’N’Roses at the right time, cussing issues, like the ethereal falsetto of ex- Cocteau Twin top 20 hit from this. 7/10 A.T. after co-writing some of the bests songs the Criminal Justice Elizabeth Fraser which lifts it into a whole new on the ‘Use Your Illusion’ albums and bill on ‘Genius’ to anti world. 9/10 N.W. MOKE - Wheel In Motion (Dorado) before the band became a farce. ‘117o’ is Another single taken from their debut album racism on MARCY PLAYGROUND - Sex And Candy his second solo album and a more cohe- ‘Microwaved’ and ‘Superdrag’ which see them more swinging to sive record than the first, possibly (Capitol) their hip hop roots. The only problem with this, is basically today’s soci- Indifferent Kurt Cobain vocals saturated in a because Izzy’s voice sounds more natural ety in general. On the that it slows the wheel down too much. 6/10 K.M when singing. Musically the album takes smoky, dreamy saloon bar euphony before last track of the its lead from late-sixties / early-seventies spilling into the dusky aura of a late summers SOULFLY - Bleed (Roadrunner) album they are basi- Loud guitars, ferocious drums, screaming vocals, Rolling Stones and Guns’N’Roses at their evening. Invigoratingly catchy. 8/10 D.J. cally giving away free what more could you expect from the former most potent. Looks like rock’n’roll is samples for you bud- STEPHEN BAYLIS - Good Timing (Sand) frontman of Sepultura(Max Cavalera) new band. back this year. 8/10 R.W. This is a debut single in the style of a boy band. It Well something not so Sepultura. 6/10 K.M ding musicians to nick is good but lacks a degree of originality. Good for JAMES - The Best Of (Fontana) and mix all you like. easy listening on a sunny day. It could be ARTIFICIAL JOY CLUB - Sick And This album is pretty much what I expect- Pitchshifter have con- described as beach/deck chair music. 8/10 G.T. Beautiful (Interscope) ed, all of the best James songs packed tinued to progress in onto one C.D. A brilliant mix of the older A rather unimaginative debut track from this leap and bounds GROOP DOGDRILL - Jackie O (Mantra) singles, namely ‘Hymn From A Village’. Canadian five piece. It basically sounds like a bit since their first offer- Having stormed the Union the other week, Groop Through to their latest single, ‘Destiny of Garbage mixed with Curve and then topped ing ‘Desensitized’ and Dogdrill deliver yet another cool as fuck slice of with a dashing of Portishead. A blend which is Calling’. In my opinion the best James even their last one as groove-bound hard-bluesy rock. You should buy smooth but not Earl Grey. 6/10 K.M tracks featured on this album have to be this. 8/10 R.W. ‘She’s A Star’, ‘Waltzing Along’ and well, but with each TINA MOORE - Nobody Better (Delirious) ‘Tomorrow’. But all tracks are brilliant one there is always RADIATOR Resistor (Chrysalis) The trouble with putting previous hits on a new something new. An On the press release there was an eye catching and on the first listening I found myself single is that you realize that the new single isn’t exhilarating infusion sentence saying ‘Tell ‘em it’s Black Sabbath fuck- not skipping any of them. The trouble as good as the old one. This is the case here with ‘Best Of’ albums though in general of heavy metal and ing the Chemical Brothers up the arse’. An inter- ‘Nobody Better’ is a good dance track and will do esting note but cant see the resemblance, yes is that if you have all of their albums you sonics. 9/10 K.M well, but it isn’t as good as her last hit ‘Never will already have all of the tracks. Chemical, Sabbath but arse, who are they? 8/10 Gonna Let You Go’. 6/10 G.D. an array of mellow beats and distinctive tunes, noisy punk guitars and some extra- K.M However if you love James this is still a great album, and a must for your C.D. rhymes that fuse jazz and rock, and flips ordinary jazz and funk singing. Quite AUDIOWEB - Policeman Skank (Mother) between English and Spanish. This album unlike anything you’ve heard before! 7/10 MELYS - Diwifr (Arctic) When this single first comes on it sounds quite collection. 8/10 G.D. At first sight ‘Diwifr’ is just another debut single shows the bands musical maturity and G.C. good, but the single drags on way too long on CECIL - Subtitles (Parlophone) growth since the eponymously titled from an up and coming band. The difference BAD RELIGION - No Substance sounds the same all the way through it, with great Cecil’s days as a raucous hard rock band debut album, which included the top forty between this and the norm is that it smacks of (Columbia) use of repetition. Not brilliant or amazing 5/10 seem to be behind them, in their place is a hit ‘Tres Delincuentes’. 7/10 G.C. originality. The music definitely does break free G.D. Throughout their seventeen years Bad from conventionality. The sounds are all new and thoughtful and melancholy band whose sound owes something to their labelmates THE MAKE UP - In Mass Mind (Dischord) Religion have pretty much led the way for exciting. The vocals have hopes and dreams KARATE - Operation:Sand/Empty There This unknown Washington D.C. garage the West Coast pop-punk field, and they embedded in them and the overall sound is hazy (Southern) Mansun. The singles ‘Red Wine At Dead Time’ and ‘Hostage In A Frock’ are the band, are really one of the most amazing have stuck with the same sound. Fans will and narcotic/ethereal. Take a trip into another A rather apocalyptical guitar sound which doesn’t bands I have ever heard, they sing soul R be pleased that on ‘No Substance’ they world. 8/10 G.T. want to come together. Sounds a bit like an most instantly appealing songs, but ‘Acres’ with the “He makes more sense, &B, what they call, the ‘gospel yeah have stuck with the buzz-saw guitars, big instrumental version Pavement a couple of years yeah’. In parts a bit like Pulp, in their use chorus and intelligent socially conscious THE PARADISE MOTEL - Calling You back. 5/10 I.P. she makes more sense out of the non- (Infectious) sense” hook that strikes as the albums of the organ, a bit like The Who in the lyrics. Bad Religion sound sharper than Ethereal and spiritual beauty is a difficult quality ALEX WHITCOMBE & BIG C - Ice Rain highpoint. By the end of the album a lot amount of energy the singer Ian on their previous album ‘The Gray Race’, to bring to music. The Paradise Motel succeeds in (Xtravaganza) of the tracks seem to be a bit samey. A Svenonius uses up during each song, but ‘No Substance’ is unlikely to win mixing the spiritual style of artists like Enya with Sounds like Grace, but more voliny, needs some good album certainly, but I miss the worth buying the album just for the bril- them any new fans. 6/10 R.W. liant sleeve notes. 7/10 N.W. more upbeat orchestrations and melodies like more kick to it. 5/10 F.F. unpredictability of the old style Cecil. BRAID - Frame And Canvas groups which specialise in more easy listening. THE HIGH FIDELITY - Come Again 7/10 R.W. FINITRIBE - Sleazy Listening (Infectious) (Polyvinyl) The tracks which follow ‘Calling You’ are almost (Plastique) Not quite old timers Finitribe are back Brash guitar rock fueled by harsh produc- as good. 8/10 G.T. RIALTO - Rialto (East West) The follow up to the amazing ‘Addicted To A To not mention Pulp and Suede would be with some more funky stuff which both tion combine, attempting to demolish the GOMEZ - 78 Stone Wobble (Hut) TV’ this isn’t as immediate or catchy. Weird a crime. There is more than an element of makes you happy and relaxed at the same underlying fresh, sonorous punk enthusi- A cool indie track, which has none of the “lets experimental electronic noises buzz over a fairly these in Rialto’s music - both the time. The album has a dark mood with asm - still evident on this, their third long copy Oasis” mentality that is going around at the middling indie guitar tune. Nothing to get excited panoramic sound and uptight claustropho- slowed down samples, samples of people player. ‘Milwaukee Sky Rocket’ sounds moment. 8/10 F.F. about. 5/10 A.T. bic element (of carefully observed obses- admitting they are scared (that’s what desolate, an even more harrowing Pixies sions) seen at various times in their they sound like anyway), in fact samples ‘Debaser’, and ‘A Dozen Roses’ hides a CHEEKY MONKEY - Four Arms to Hold FINITRIBE - Make My Mind-Up (Infectious) careers. But ‘Summers Over’ manages to of anything which is not “happy” or fractured, desperately hopeful melody You (Shoeshine) I find it very tedious when a group lacks the sound like ‘Strawberry Fields’ and the “nice”. Still something to do your work behind a stuttering and relentless stream This is good old fashioned strummy guitar stuff imagination to write different songs and instead Longpigs, as it laments the past and to, if you work in a cemetery or similar of subdued noise. ‘First Day Back’ and simple instrumentation. It makes a refreshing opts for 6 or so remixes of the same one. The ‘Lucky Number’ is positively energising. then this is your album of the year. 7/10 smacks of early REM with the raw and change to have that. The lyrics are listener friend- original track is not that bad with the vocals So, there is talk of obsessions and lost F.F. refreshing riff, and the voice brings you ly despite the fact that the singer is ever so slight- seeming quite dark at times, but the remixes, love, all in a manner Morrissey would’ve back to a twisted, vociferous Spin ly vocally challenged. Good start... cool. 8/10 though different are a waste of time. 5/10 E.C. THE SORTS - More There (Slowdime) been proud of - but only if there were a Doctors sound. This album, literally G.T. Intense instrumentation is built by a MIDGET - Invisible Balloon (Radar) little more irony. There is, of course the screaming to be listened to is, ultimately, blending unorthodox guitar style, lean a demanding album and ‘(This Is) ROBBIE WILLIAMS - Let Me Entertain You There are many mysteries in this world, like why humour (subtly in ‘Monday Morning bass lines and heavy, alert drumming. (Chrysalis) students voted Labour and why club prices go up 5.19’) but it is coupled with at least as Hardcore’ in a way Pulp most definitely Trombone and trumpet and some percus- aren’t. Given attention there are rewards Robbie lands another blow to his critics, perhaps the less time you spend inside. Another is how much seriousness and neurosis (urm, sion instruments extracts are also includ- exclaiming “Take That” as he does so, whilst Midget got signed. ‘Invisible Balloon’ is a poppy ‘Monday Morning 5.19’). However, when in the songs mentioned, which are blind- ed in this CD, giving the overall effect of ing, but they do seem trapped in a dark another rifling, supercharged single prepares to fuzzy teen punk jaunt that sounds just like a song you’re sweeping vast cinematic sounds a collage of sound that has an extra storm the charts. A sure fire hit for anyone with a by any of the hundreds of sixth form bands across across the listeners ears, you should I sup- place that is ‘Frame And Canvas’. 6/10 degree of richness. The vocals are clear, D.J. penchant for D:Ream’s ‘Shoot Me (With Your the country. Unbelievably average. 4/10 A.T. pose, be sincere. Especially when you but not evasive. 7/10 G.C. have such epic and almost justified illu- Love)’. 7/10 D.J. INDIAN VIBES - Mathar (V:C) SIMPLE MINDS - Neapolis (Chrysalis) sions of grandeur. 7/10 D.J. THREE SECOND KISS - Everyday BEN HARPER – Faded (Virgin) Indian music played over beats together with four This new effort by the Simple Minds fea- Everyman (Wide) tures Peter Walsh’s return to production Typical American Rock, a bit like the Chili remixes. Some which rather lose the Indian bit, DELINQUENT HABITS - Here Come Deconstructed sounds, peculiar geome- Peppers, a bit of a poor Hendrix impression, if one which goes just plain weird and a dubby ver- The Horns (Loud) controls alongside Charlie Burchill, and tries and disturbing sound puzzles make the classic tandem formed by bassist your into the aforementioned you will probably sion. 4/10 I.P. After nearly 2 years of relative silence, this a very weird sounding alternative like this. 7/10 N.W. the Latin hip hop groovesters return with Derek Forbes and drummer Mel Gaynor ALABAMA 3 - Ain’t Goin’ To Goa rock album. Their songs combine melodic returning to the rhythm section. The result PULSARS - Submission To The Master E.P (Elemental) BERNARD BUTLER - is a return to the bands origins, with the (Almo) Putting eight mixes of the same track on one CD People Move On use of synthesizers as the prime base of For a relatively new band this E.P is impressive. is OK if they all sound more or less different to (Creation) their songs as they did in their earlier each other, but when it sounds as boring and The first and main track ‘Submission Song’ is There are certain bits if albums. 6/10 G.C. monotonous as this, whoever is responsible ought definitely the best song and the highlight of this baggage solo artists bring CD, however, the rest of the E.P isn’t so impres- to be guillotined. 1/10 G.C. ALL NATURAL LEMON & LIME with them, when they have FLAVOURS - Turning Into Small previously been in success- INGLE F HE EEK (Gern Blansten) S O T W ful bands. Just for a back- All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavours THE ground, Bernard used to be should win an award for making a song PECADILOES the guitarist in Suede; who sound unbearably flat using the least - The Wanting some say in the early 90’s number of notes. You’ve just got to Song (A&M) kick-started a revolution in admire the skillful way in which they Now on a guitar music with a return most of their songs slip slowly in and out of key. The tracks would sound a lot bet- major label, towards 3 minute songs, the importance of image ter without the continuous noise in the the Pecadiloes background, it just doesn’t stop. The etc. ‘People Move On’ are in control vocals, when heard above the noise, are of what is however does not sound somewhat obscure and meaningless mak- surely an elec- like a Suede album, all ing for a very dull and rather depressing trifying destiny. instruments bar drums were album. 1/10 E.C. Vibrating, played by Bernard, it was written and produced by Bernard, but here his influences have stretched further, giving the album a widescreen version of his music. The songs sharp pop This weeks music bought to you are ambitious, the opener ‘Woman I Know’ sounds a bit like Spiritualized, an 8 minute by - smothered in epic, others ‘Change of Heart’ are reminiscent of Neil Young particularly his ‘Harvest’ Daniel Jones, Frank Fraulo, sugary har- era, but with an amazing string arrangement at the end. ‘Autograph’ the albums center- Ian Purvey, Georgina Tarrant, monies. 9/10 piece is another 8 minute song, a blues-rock epic, but with more amazing production Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, D.J. with its brilliant crescendo at its close. The only downpoint on the album is that maybe Emma Clarke, Kevin Marston, there are too many slow songs, it needs more like the obvious single ‘You just know’. It Nick Walsh, is hard not to be sycophantic, when albums are just as inspiring as this, but it just Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent, Rob Winder shows that if you mean it, everything will be all right. 9/10 N.W. ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 7 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th Marh 1998 Entertainments Guide 7 GIG GUIDE It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling. Cineline - (01483) 578017 20.00 Only Fools and Asian Dub Foundation - Portsmouth Friday 27th/Sat 28th March Horses Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911) Bluetones, Mover - Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) Titanic 21.00 Blackadder II Pocket Devils - London 100 Club (0171 636 12:15, 13:00, 16:20, 17:05, 20:30, 0933) Tribute To Nothing, dBH, Lockdown - 21:20 21.30 Father Ted Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) As Good as it Gets 27th Snuff, King Prawn - London Electric Ballroom 12:25, 15:25, 18:30, 21:40 Friday 23.05 The Adam and Joe (0171 485 9006) Show Warm Jets, Idlewild - London ULU Good Will Hunting 12:50, 15:40, 18:35, 21:30 Bluetones, Regular Fries - London L.A. Confidential 20.00 Before They Were Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) Fluke - London Holloway Rocket Fri: 12:00, 15:00, 18:10, 21:20 Famous Fu Manchu - London Garage (0171 607 Sat: 18:10, 21:20 1818) The Man in the Iron Mask 15.40 F1: Grand Prix “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 960 12:55, 15:55, 18:55, 22:00 Qualifying 4590) Semi Junction, Waif, Jerc - Reading Gattaca

28th 18.00 FILM: Dumb and Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 14:30, 16:55, 19:20, 21:50 Dumber My Life Story, Drugstore, Inter, Twister, ve age 12 Kiss the Girls

Saturday Glitterbox - Farnham Maltings (01252 726234) Fri: 13:00, 16:15, 19:20, 22:10 Sat: 16:15, 19:20, 22:10 Fallen Nothing decent - watch the Grand Prix 14:00 (Fri only), 16:45, 19:30, 22:20 16.20 F1: Grand Prix Flubber 22.00 The Clive James 13:00, 15:15 Show Fairytale 29th 12:15, 14:30 Sunday

along a coach will be provided to ferry people Paws 12:05, 14:10 20.30 Goodnight George of the Jungle Sweetheart 12:30 23.25 Film 98 Artificial Joy Club - London

you don’t even have to get up in the morning. you don’t Borderline (0171 734 2095) Myst, Gecko, Calhouns Cat - Sun 29th March - 18.00 The Simpsons Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

30th Thurs 2nd April

Monday Titanic 11:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 14:00,

tacting Jacobs Tale on 01252 – 819019 or e-mail at ‘[email protected]’. There will on 01252 – 819019 or e-mail at ‘[email protected]’. tacting Jacobs Tale 21.30 One Foot in the 15:20, 19:00, 19:25 Grave As Good as it Gets Bernard Butler - London Upstairs At 12:30, 17:00, 20:10 The Garage (0171 607 1818)

at the Guildford Odeon on 15th April. Contact us before 8th April for details 18.00 Fresh Prince of Bel Good Will Hunting Air Zed’s Ded, Joda, Caffeine - 12:10, 14:55, 17:40, 20:30 Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 31st L.A. Confidential 21.00 The Sweeney 13:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 17:15, Tuesday 20:10 The Man in the Iron Mask The Pecadiloes, Jolt, 21.30 The Thin Blue Line PICK 13:00, 17:20, 20:20

Great Expectations Great OF THE Satellite Beach - London 22.00 FILM: Timecop Gattaca WEEK Camden Dingwalls 12:05 (mon-thurs only), 14:30, 18.00 Star Trek: The Next Daybreak, Wake, Chayse - Reading 18:20, 20:50 Generation Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Kiss the Girls 1st 22.00 Room 101 12:15, 13:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 18:00, 20:40 Fallen Wednesday LK - London Garage (0171 607 12:10, 15:00 (Mon - Thurs only), Easter Holiday - no Entertainments at the Union 20.00 Animal Hospital 1818) 17:45, 20:30 20.30 2point4 Children Senser, Sons Of Tribe, Entropy - Flubber 22.25 The Mrs Merton Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) (Sun only) 12:30, 14:40 Show The Smiles - London Camden Barfly Fairytale (Sun only) 12:45, 15:00

2nd (0171 482 4808) 21.00 Steptoe and Son Paws (Sun only) 12:15, 14:05

Thursday George of the Jungle 20.00 Only Fools and Echo And The Bunnymen, Rialto - (Sun only) 12:20 Horses London Brixton Academy (0171 264 1525) Leatherface, Moke, Speedurchin - 21.00 Blackadder II Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

3rd 18.00 TFI Friday Sniper, Nightnurse, Mouthfull - have announced their first London date at the Mean Fiddler in Harlesden on Thursday 9th of April 1998. To make it easier to get have announced their first London date at the Mean Fiddler in Harlesden on Thursday 9th of April 1998. To Friday 21.30 Father Ted London Kings Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269)

Finitribe - London ICA

University closure week (when all University buildings and services will be closed) Thursday 9th - Wednesday 15th April inclusi University closure week (when all buildings and services will be closed) Thursday 9th - Wednesday 16.40 TOTP 2 “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 be 3 other bands in the line-up, doors open at 8.00pm and close 2.00am, this is also Thursday before Good Friday so

Jacobs Tale OFU 960 4590) Also, BARE FACTS has will have free tickets available for preview screening of For food and bar opening times, see main advertisement on page 10 Sports / Fitness information, Campusport notice p Libido, Ballroom, Glitterbox - London 20.00 Stars in Their Eyes Garage (0171 607 1818) Oscar will be hibernating Natia Blue, Pinnacle - Reading Alleycat over Easter 4th (0118 956 1116)

NB The band 09.30 Knight Rider Twister - London Camden Dublin Castle there and back. The ticket price will be £4.00 if you obtain a discount flyer before the gig. You can obtain the tickets by con there and back. The ticket price will be £4.00 if you obtain a discount flyer before the gig. You (0171 485 1773) Saturday ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Arts Thursday 26th March 1998 n HIGH SPIRITS Film review: Gattaca Spititualized, Guildford Civic Hall, Thursday 19 March 1998. Review - Daniel Jones jam packed Civic Hall, sporting a Thurman, who many of us believe is one of Amale dominated, occasionally cool looking Kamran Loqueman an elite class. audience waits for Spiritualized. They n recent times the moral argument as to An open-minded audience can really admire the stage with the whether we should be able to manipulate becomes sucked into this futuristic atmos- ‘pillbox’ backdrop and the sex of our future offspring has phere Niccol generates with such ease. A sundry columns, support- I caused only a ripple of controversy, as no world of sparsely populated cities and ing devices that will pro- one really knows exactly where it will all squeaky clean offices, this is not a film with vide the light show. It is a flashing lights and fancy effects, not at all. wonderful sight even lead. In fact I should imagine the budget of this before it is filled with the visual and sonic flair of a Andrew Niccol’s Gattaca takes this premise film would barely have covered one of band, Jason Pierce (head and grips it firmly by the throat. With excel- Titanics’ lifeboats. Nevertheless the yel- astronaut) describes as lent cinematography, the likes of which I low/green camera filters and classic style people who “want to haven’t seen since George Orwell’s 1984, electric cars do not distract you away from make music on a more Gattaca creates a future world obsessed with the plot and the message being delivered by basic, more soulful our genetic makeup, where a ‘Valid’, some- the film, but adds to it’s overall genre. The level”. It seems with one who is genetically engineered, holds a film has a good story, a healthy portion of tonight’s experience, for suspense and real substance if one is willing it is more an experience higher position in society then that of an to look. than a show, that they are ‘invalid’ spawned from mother nature. aiming at a stratospheric In conclusion, not a ‘wham bam thank you level. The story follows Ethan Hawke (Reality mam’ movie. But if you liked films like Despite the usual slow Bites, Great Expectations ) as Vincent, an ‘Fahrenheit 451’ and ‘1984’ you’ll appreci- start and even before Invalid with a lifelong dream to travel into ate this thought provoking Sci-Fi movie. ‘Electricity’, there is a space, a privilege bestowed only upon charge on the stage. Valids. However with this burning ambition A solid, recommended 8/10 by me and a Heads are fixated. And as to fulfil his dream he undertakes the huge 9/10 by Matty P. (Yes, it deserves 9/10. ‘Electricity’ rings out it were coming from every Spiritualized arrived in. I’ve Kam’s just being tight. It’s thought provok- there is a dazzling array of task of adopting the life of a Valid named crack in the building. The not personally seen one but ing if you like that kind of thing, and if pulsating lights. The four men visuals are ever more awe- taking X-Files as a reference Jerome. This new identity is not easy to you’re not in the mood you can just enjoy on stage - guitars/bass/sax - some as frantic strobes give point, the visual effect more achieve in a world where a single stand of stand tall and motionless carv- way to pretty lights dancing on and more resembles an alien hair can give you away to the authorities. As the splendid design and beautiful photogra- ing the slow orchestral, and in the ceiling. ‘Come Together’ landing. And sounds like one. his launch date draws closer, a murder poses phy. It’s 1984 for the 1990’s. This film will this case palpitating tunes. A acts as a call to arms, as The bass pounds, pressing skin to jeopardise Vincent’s dream, along with a inspire you. -Ed) few heads begin to nod in time indeed it is. People wake up firmly against bones - tortured dangerous liaison with a Valid, Irene and one couple partake in a from the outer body experi- souls are surely venting Cassini, adequately played by Uma spot of loosely ballroom style ences, some jig and many despair in the most uplifting dancing. Others merely close embrace as if they were in the way possible. their eyes, absorbing the middle of an out of control It’s like you’ve been in a big dreamscape of reverberating religious awakening. dream, literally like you have Theatre review: noise. There is always a droning been floating in space some- With ‘Home Of The Brave’ background sound. Perhaps where. And you’re not sure if the sound swarms all over as if this is the spacecraft it has really happened. The Tempest CLAWFINGER With Cold, London Garage, Thursday 19 March 1998. Review - Kevin Marston. Questors Theatre - 6th March who played Miranda (the daughter of sold out venue, and still a queue Prospero) and Tomos Lewis who played of people trying to buy tickets, Awhy? because they are about to Mary Elizabeth Phillips Ariel (the spirit) astounded me with their miss one the most promising new com- professionalism and excellent acting. ers to the skate/ska scene, Cold and one However, there were a few faults which of the most rocking Scandinavian band After a huge storm and shipwreck men of showed lack of professionalism amongst ever. Bullyrag were supposed to be on the courts of Naples and Milan are lured some of the actors; how many unconscious first but due to band illnesses and away into a world of illusion always led by and ‘frozen’ people would fiddle with their things, they didn’t play so it was left to strange powers which they cannot resist. fingers, look around in the audience and pull Cold to warm up the crowd. up their socks? About 9 o’clock one hell of a weird guy Prospero (the rightful Duke of Milan) hav- with tuffs of bleached tipped hair walks ing on his side Ariel (the spirit of illusion) is onto the stage and takes control of the able to manipulate the circumstances and The dancing in the play was poor; the whole drums, while the rest of Cold venture teach the rest a good lesson from which choreography was lacking creativity and out. And its not just the drummer who is he’ll receive wisdom. although the dancers were children they weird, but the guitarist is totally spaced seemed to be unexcited to perform and cre- out with an impression that he’s one of Interpretations of “The Tempest”, as many ate. the most coolest players ever. Is he?, have put it, can be very much influenced by well no, the performance is very aver- the particular background of the interpreter As far as the theatre is concerned the stage age. Nothing outstanding at all, all the was below the audience (similar to the words are indistinguishable except for and that’s mainly due to the fact that ancient Greek theatre) and that created a dif- the occasional fucking fuck fuck some- Shakespeare has used the device of allegory thing. But some of the crowd seem to a lot, once again. Some see this play as a ferent atmosphere to the conventional the- love it. Before the final song the vocal- focus on theatrical art, others think that it atre stages as it enhanced the performer - ist decides to invite as many stage has to do with the analysis of political issues audience relationship. divers on the stage as possible, which and especially those relevant to the oppres- led to an explosive array acrobatics by sion of the inhabitants of the ‘new’ world. If any of you are interested in going and see- the crowd. ing a performance at the Questors Theatre, A quarter of an hour later Clawfinger The cast of this play was made up of people called the Gati (Passage of Time) which is embarked on their dark and fiery journey. Once Me Down’. The last one received one hell of a performed by the Theatre of Bangalore (the the first few chords of ‘I’m Your Life And cheer and the biggest mosh of the night. It was who had auditioned and been chosen by the most vibrant English Theatre of any city in Religion’ from their new album are played, the just a full aural assault on the brain. A totally theatre. Bearing in mind that they were only mosh begins in full earnest with the stage being buzzing night and with quotes like ‘ you lot are amateurs performing for pleasure and that India) there are some tickets which you can invaded constantly. About every ten seconds or insane’ and ‘come on Barbie... lets go party’ they only had two months to prepare, the get for free for the performances from the so there would be another body hurtling through what more could you ask for. Well, Jocke decid- production was good. In general the acting 21st to the 27th March. All you have to do the air, even when they played ‘Don’t Wake Me ing to play the guitar and the bass instead of was the thing that made the performance is dial 0181 5670011 and ask for it! Up’ a relatively slow track. Which Zak ( the mixing the decks and the DAT. But then again interesting and people such as Gerry vocalist) remarked at. The next song tonight there was a good reason for the bass though and O’Sullivan who played the role of Caliban was ‘Undone’ which again was just mad, they that was because the bassist decided to go stage played other classics like ‘Warfair’, and ‘Pin diving. Brilliant. (a savage and deformed slave), Kate Davie ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 9 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March1998 Notices & Personals 9 Personals

nPaddington, the best shag in nAnyone know how Rainman nSo coke and guiness are just the nANDY FROM SPIERS: Need ‘honk’ you !?! daisy in the mouth of a certain months not years, I haven’t got to ends? Nice one Han. same are they Steve? any more lessons? n First prize to politically correct pink cow!! that stage, unlike you. love nHappy Birthday to 3A’s sexy nCongratulations to everyone in nYou are the ants’ pants Simon... Green Shirt Man nWould you like your pinger felt nKrust 2. Helen 13. The gap is thing, are we going for it large on the Jiu Jitsu club who graded. nGreenfingered Ab cultures n Rootjoose :- by a certain young lady in Cath getting longer. Friday? nRUSSIAN SOCIETY!!! Good Ferns! Fwoooooooooarrrgh! court? nHelen. You and Jon are wearing nSTOP banging on the pipes! job, I am proud of you. Your presi- nKate on Rich 3- I forgot your nIt would be cold and hard unless the same sweaters AGAIN. How can Richard suck it off the dent. surname, but just to say, I’m on n Dave or Housewife? I fail to see you hold it in your hands long (Paddington) table when he can’t get it in his nHarold. How are you, my son? sound crew, and I like you. where the difficulty was in choos- enough to warm it up a bit nKrustie. Why is it that you have mouth.? yours Victor nRuth- don’t worry, we’re a party ing the better band. nWatch out Ascot .. Weyside n that name? should I mention Happy Birthday Hazel and thank nHappy 22nd birthday little Jo. of five, remember? n KATE IN RICH 3 - I’m sorry I Birds are on the way!!! Paddington Madam you for being there and listening in Vick nSunday afternoons, 3-5, GCR. missed you tonight. Why were you n Those Weyside Birds who work nAndy don’t be a custard, be a the last few weeks, I really appre- nJess. Lab’s pants isn’t it nSingle Uncle looks for close with that weirdo with nail var- in the Firkin need to be a little tart! ciate it, Helen. nnice one SURREY MOUN- friendship with lady for fun and nish?? more n nLiz. I lurve those stockings.from Ever thought of locking your TAINBIKE TEAM, Bronze this great times.Must live around n Housewife- We love you loads n fussy!!! Jokerface room door - otherwise the pink year Gold next. Chaz Kingston. and loads From S and K xx n Marc .. What’s your name nRobocop. Doesn’t ALL that gel elephants and green monster might nTo miss ‘do diamonds’ - thanks. nKaty, as if I’d have sent a per- n We could always tie dye that again??!!! damage your circuits? get you. Beer fest per chance!!!! Pierre de Mintfart, you ave gin din sonal like that! There’s far too green shirt of yours!!!! n So Marc .. she’s named it n nAndy-JD wants his Y-fronts ASWANI... get a life, get some zee ill wizz zee trollaie yes, no? many Katy’s here. UD n Acid Jazz... Hmmm I don’t Robert has she!!! back ASAP friends!!!!!! nHAPPY BIRTHDAY little JO, nTo Miss R-B, hope your work is think so. n Phil V...can I rent your furnished n nJavier has lovely hands Helen TINA A.... stop exaggerating SEE YOU AT YOUR PARTY, going well and that you’re getting n Judges-how much German lager shed? nThe Ginger Fox is thinking of about how many guys are after u! nLots of Big balloons, Hann & your sleep. Mr Smelly Belly. did you have?? n A.Tiger Ouch. n having vegetarian for supper Gorgeous Navdeep...... did any- Vick xxxxx nAndy from Croydon, ‘your the n um,err,um,um,errrr,umm n Dunky, Big Issue=Big munt tonight. one tell u how sexy u looked last nLooking forward to the relax- man!’ nToo much 80’s waa waa???????? points nthe more i think, the more wor- Friday???!! ation area nCarshalton or Sherley, which n Halifax Town 2-0 Rushden & n Which johhny boy will the lep- n rying i get Shagun babe, can we get togeth- nLocal lass seeks budding ama- was worse? Diamonds. The Shaymen march racorn choose on friday? nRaf ( not to mention other er some time??? - Monday, 7-30, teur photographer for insight into nSo Claires not involved in your towards the title. n Robocop, does the Joker know Tonmeisters) have finally got it in Chancellor’s. Your Ultimate Guildford tours for AGM candi- threesome fantasy! n And it snows in Heaven... your screwing Liz? - that’ll be a relief for the rest of Fantasy. dates nOI!!!!!! EVERYONE...... n International Marketing bloke: n Linda, Alex and Garry. Thanks n us. RLB: Rumours are that he’s nI Easter Egg you Buz Lightyear, nNEIL GOT GINGERED!!!!!!! no-one likes you for making this special trip home nWhatever did happen to the leaving. Is this the end? lots of Galaxies, Tinkerbell xxx nDAN & CO n LOU IN TWYFORD C!!!!! extra n chicken in Cathedral court Fancy a pitstop Sarah? nFlick, floor fly flavour flov fle nCONGRATS ON GETTING How many boys have you pulled n special. I love you all. Hxx nNav aka Lumbhoo...Janamdin Hey P R Groves we know who flunth, Fluv Flan YOUR DREAM HOUSE! now during FNO? I’ve lost count!! Last, but by no means least, Nikki. you are PENNY and you’d better Mubarak!! From a friend!!! nLizzie & I-Tie...it’s about time nCAN I LIVE THERE RENT n ANITA B!!! YEAH YOU!!! A very special thank you for your start sleeping with one eye open. time, honesty and patience. I nHarri stop lying about how many you came out of the closet, we all FREE????? COME TO BIOSOC’S LAST nHi Jainge - I Easter Egg you. meant what I said. Forever friends. people u have had sex with!!!!! know what you two are like!!! nYang Yang..are you happy that I EVENT OR I’LL CRY. nJames (I love Eddie) - looks like L.A. nTina A....How many blokes nI love you darling. Happy 6 have repaired your chain now!!?? n PISSED-SHIT PLEASE SEND you have more then one fan!!!!! n Hxxx suffer from embarasing fancy u now?????? months on the 9th nDo I know what is going on? I SOME PHOTO’S HOME- WE nLegian, friends forever. nipple hairs? call J for reassur- nHUGE Thanks to all the silly nMev - The people who put the don’t think so! CAN’T REMEBER WHAT U nGorgeous...I’ll still beat you ance. crew for an excellent Wednesday - two personals in last week’s nmmmmmmmmm, nice arse! LOOK LIKE. LOVE FROM THE naked at seventy! Lover. XXX n sorry about your nipple hair, the fees anarchists” Barefacts are really sorry that stu- n n Hey bignose hows the golf dri- SHITS love shitbags n“Swpitwist” KMW - what would I do without pid others have taken it seriously. ver running? n WOOAHHHH DONS- C’MON n n you?!? the cause of yellow knickers Unless you have already found n55 Denzil Road - is the Palace n OH NOse!!!! BABY LIGHT MY FIRE! FROM nThere’s more to life than an old everywhere is VD! someone for this, then I’m yer ours? n Its Da BOMB!!! *TOYBOY* boyfriend and a part time job n Alix wants to tie him up under man. nSports Officer will pay cash for n Nevermind Kate, better luck n All at 89 GPR, the years nearly n nLOST: One black Scully type the bed, and jump on him - poor Handy tip: Don’t bother with the pictorial evidence (photos or next Friday. finished, cheers for an interesting mackintosh with bright red lining thing! new series of “Telly Addicts”. It’s sketch) of supermarket shennani- n Why was the DJ for the Acid one. (lost three weeks ago). If found - n Sorry Jo, but we have to ask: getting far too easy... gans with experienced ball-handler Jazz SHAG not told that it was n Elo...... anybody home??!! n please G I V E I T B A C K was it a carpet burn????? Has Kostis’ friend found who nJohnnie Boy is in ATLANTA!! acid jazz before he arrived?? nPenis’s come into everything.” because I’m getting cold and n Mat, Oh sorry, have you just was watching him that night? ‘cos Keep an eye on CNN! n It’s not just the bruises on my three guesses who said it..! I know who it is!! wet!!!! (Ring ext 4951, room 2 if come?! nIt’s cold but it’s somewhere to arm, I’m hurt deep inside as well. nI don’t know what it is!” “same nMark would never even consider you have seen it). n A carpet burn.... How ironic!! sleep, the creaky noises make my n Ruth- you should have done a as it is in French! being unfaithful!! nWill the Cath Court Metal Man Aaa!!! skin creep-I need to get some sleep solo, you know you should.I will nI knew he would get it when he n nHelen, I told you, I haven’t got please *grow up* and leave poor, What have Sam and a tampon nHappy Birthday Jane - Sorry I help you do one next time. got erection....who was Helen talk- anything to say to you!! sweet, innocent Dexter alone. You got in common??! can’t be there, I’ll have a drink for n Why was the DJ for the Acid ing about? The question is was it n nThanks for an excellent night out are corrupting the poor lad. DD or is that your bra size!! you! Prof Johnson R. II Jr Jazz SHAG not told that it was as good as she said? lads, Guernsey. nWhat’s it like to be 22 Rob (old n Del-alcohol affects your perfor- nJohnnie Boy is in ATLANTA!! acid jazz before he arrived?? nit’s a fruit salad monster eating a nAlix - Make Helen confess about man now eh!!) The ‘gathering’ mance in telephone boxes! nKeep an eye on CNN! n It’s not just the bruises on my the chicken remarque! was fun -thanks! nIt’s cold but it’s somewhere to arm, I’m hurt deep inside as well. nS: Thanks for a “wicked” week- nMike-I’m gonna boil your sleep, the creaky noises make my n end! Ruth- you should have done a bunny-Helen skin creep-I need to get some sleep nBoy oh boy are you guys getting n solo, you know you should.I will Rolf Harris is Innocent! nHappy Birthday Jane - Sorry I fussy! My real name is not actual- Smack my Fortran Up! help you do one next time. can’t be there, I’ll have a drink for n ly Buz nDid the Ginger Fox use baby oil So Duncan have you managed you! Prof Johnson R. II Jr nRUSSIAN SOCIETY!!! Good after swimming recently? to find it yet? Did she give you a nWiiiiiil!!!!! job, I am proud of you. Your presi- nH - “The bunion, where you bung in a brown envelope? nMatt - all you need is a bum n dent. shag on a Saturday!” Arent rugby shirts cool.. espe- chin! Where’s my biro...... nA.K. Are you accepting K. air- nH - “But I’ve got R - no I mean cially when they are free..... nMystic Matt - Spoooooky!!!! n lines flight offer? Let me know, in the sense of playing with him!” Lost several saturdays last seen nOLIVER, VENTE YA PARA limited places available... LOVE, Fred’s not fat, he’s not ugly, but he in Astolat...... ESPANYA!!!! n K.A is cute and cuddly Mister :- Isn’t it my turn to nNos vemos el 5 de abril, olrait? Notices

Bare Facts wants your Easter stories, letters contact Adam (above). Fancy a bit of International Rugby after House, for summer period through to and personals. Email them from university the exams? The Sanyo Cup at Twickenham September. Ring 01483 833276 for details. or home to [email protected] Room available in student house off will feature the star-studded World XV ver- The office and darkroom facilities will be Northway about 15 mins from campus. Rent sus 1998 English Club Champions on Sat Badminton Club AGM, Tuesday week 14 open through most of the holiday for pho- £195 pcm until July All mod cons, newly 23rd May (end wk 14) Tickets £20 or £26 (28th April), Grant Mitchell Room, 7pm. tography, dissertation writing, etc. Please refurbished etc. Phone (01483) 504629 including transport. Contact Alex Langley, ring to check first. ext 4739, Email cv31al Netgamer AGM, 29th April, 7:30 LTB Have you got a parent suffering from Email [email protected] Korean Society AGM, 27 March 6pm mental illness? Graduation photos Wates House. Contact Young-Tae Cho Would you be willing to help me with some Are you graduating this year? Do you want ChemEngSoc AGM is to be held on 236149 research into the experiences of young peo- a photo the moment of presentation of your wednessday the sixth of May (Week 12) at ple like yourself? If so, I would like to talk degree (i.e.you actually getting your certifi- 13:00 to 14:00, in LTL Reminder to all Final Year Economists: to you, IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE, cate.) Other photos are taken anyway, so Please return yearbook forms before the end about what life has been like at home, and would this be too intrusive? Please Email University Swimmers. There will be no of week 10. what has helped you to cope. Please tele- your views to the Union President swimming 9-10pm at the Spectrum on May phone Stella Charman on 01420 487924 (su-pres) or fill in a Union suggestion slip. 11th. WINDSURFING CLUB. Windsurfing tops for sale £32.50, mostly navy blue, some Room Available next year. House on Women’s Waterpolo AGM - Friday 1st other colours available. Contact Adam, ext. Decriminalise Cannabis March. Sat 28th Canterbury Road, 15 mins walk. All mod May, 5pm, Grant Mitchell Room. 4241, cv42ab or via the windsurfing pigeon March, assemble Midday at the reformer’s cons. £48 per week plus bills. Will be shar- thole. We still meet every Friday at 1pm tree in Hyde Park, for march to Trafalgar ing with three girls. Phone Antonia x4358 American Football AGM, 5th May 18:30 upstairs in the Union. All abilities welcome. Square. Keep ‘em peeled for more details. or Claire x4219. (after Sports Standing C/tee) LTE Anyone interested in doing the RYA level one beginners course after Easter, please 2 rooms to rent in Guildford Park Avenue ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features Thursday 26th March 1998 n Silly night: stupidity to continue after Easter

your double & mixer for £1. ‘Kyle Silly’ Week 13? It’s Space, the final nce more unto the breach, dear frontier...again. We’ve got the new Star fiends, as someone famouse once Wars trilogy on the big screens. You know Osaid. I think it was the big one out of the veal, make a space ship, brig a phaser, a The Krankies. Have we got big flans for the cardboard cut-out storm trooper, dress as last three Silly Nights after Easter? Oh, yes. Darth Vader. Whatever. And remember you’ll need to make the effort otherwise Week 11, or 29th April, as some people will you’ll not get your dog & bone for £1. But have it, it’s the one we’ve all been waiting the nub, some say crux, the jewel of the-bit- for, it’s....BEACH WEAR. So, when you go after-Easter, is Week 15. It’s Blind Drunk home for Easter raid your grannies’ cupbard Date. Silly Night plays match maker (minty for those sexy 1930’s cosines. And that’s ones). Find your partner in the onion for just for the boys. And if you can’t face your double & mixer. Plus ‘our’ Cilla will going to Blow’s afterwards in shirts and be on had to see which lucky lass gets to go Hawaiian shorts, then a bucket and spade home with... And remember you’ll need will do. To get you in the mood we’re going to...do what? Have a Happy Easter, if not a to have palm trees, hula (hoop) competition, Little Chef will do. See you there. and Shy Coconuts. Find the coconuts for a FREE drink. And remember you’ll need to make the effort otherwise you’ll not get Graduation Ball plans Graduation Ball 1998 Budget Income Ticket Sales 1000 1500 Ticket Income £42,553 £63,830 near completion Sponsorship £200 £200 Commission £0 £0 £42,753 £64,030 used by the graduates. complement their graduation and the Outgoing Sally Kentfield end of three or four (or more) years Essentials Why are the tickets £50? Where does it spent studying here and using the Insurance £500 £500 all go? Students Union”. Therefore it is Security £900 £900 The basic necessities like power, mar- intended the that Union Club does not Fencing £496 £496 Why is it on campus? Power £1,000 £1,000 Rumours have been travelling regard- quees, sound lights, security, fences, make a loss, but all ticket money Trackway £825 £825 ing grad ball being at Thorpe Park. We etc. take up a large chunk of the received WILL be spent on entertain- Structures did look into this, as well as other money, as does the allocation of ticket ment or infrastructure for the ball. Stage £4,635 £4,635 places like Loseley Park, Chessington, money towards food. The other big Domes £2,800 £2,800 Clandon Park and many other loca- expenses are the drapes for the Union Where do I get my ticket? Marquees £2,000 £4,000 tions. None of them were willing to let and the cost of the bands and their Tickets will be available from Union Forklift/Truck £600 £600 us run a ball through until 6am on their associated extras (food, drink, etc.). reception from Monday of week 11 Trussing/Motors £1,200 £1,200 Barrier £400 £400 grounds. The budget shown here lays out total after Easter. We hope that the event costing (before VAT) for both 1000 programmes will also be available then Scaffolding £60 £60 Decoration Why are we not having any guest DJ’s? tickets sold, and 1500 tickets sold. and will be given out with your tickets. Lights £2,060 £3,400 Our beloved Friday and Saturday DJ’s Going by previous years sales, only You will then be able to plan your Sound £500 £900 will all play for less than £1000 for the 1000 tickets are normally sold. As evening before the ball and ensure that Blackout £2,500 £9,450 three of them whilst Dave Pearce more tickets are sold we will confirm you know where all the entertainments Bannerama £800 £1,000 would charge us £1500 to play for an the booking of all the extras that will be, and when they will be occur- Sofas £0 £2,200 hour, similarly, Mark Goodier is £3000 appear on the budget for 1500 tickets ring so that you do not miss out on Stairs £100 £100 for an hour, and Pete Tong costs even being sold. anything. Carpeting £0 £2,000 Entertainment more. We believe that we can obtain Where can I stay? Main Band £7,500 £7,500 better value for money by spending Support £1,000 £1,000 that amount on entertainment that lasts Local hotels, campus (See advertis- DJ’s £750 £750 for longer than an hour. ment earlier in this issue). Funfair £6,000 £7,000 Mini Golf £0 £800 The funfair is always great, but will the So what entertainments will there actu- Magician £0 £250 Union be naff? ally be on the night? Photos/Tattoos £1,000 £1,000 The Union building is a notoriously This is a listing of all the suggested Jazz Band £100 £250 difficult venue to attempt to make look entertainments that we could feasibly Casino £900 £900 Balloon Man £0 £150 different. Drapes and banners for the provide, although we could only pro- vide all of them if all 1500 tickets are Double Six Club £0 £1,000 walls and ceiling are very expensive. Fireworks £0 £1,602 We will be trying to fit in as many dif- sold. Compere £0 £200 ferent side acts and entertainment’s as Band Riders £500 £500 we can so that it is not just another Does the Union Club intend to make Other Friday night out disco for 6 hours. We any profit on the Grad Ball? Advertising £122 £300 are limited by the number of areas To quote the previous General Programmes £1,180 £1,180 where we can place the side acts and Manager of the Students Union, “The Tickets £400 £400 entertainment’s as each area used for graduation ball is a service that the Crew Costs £500 £800 Contingency £1,425 £1,982 such a purpose cannot therefore be Union Club provides the students as a memorable and fitting occasion to TOTAL £42,753 £64,030 ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 11 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March 1998 Features 11 Dr Russ replies Canoe club gets Dear Russ an opportunity to discuss your application with them. We have an example in the Is it really worth writing speculatively to an Careers Service if you would like to come in competitive employer, surely they’d advertise the job if and pick up a copy. they wanted someone badly enough? You may, of course, feel a bit stuck in trying spins and just generally looking damn good. ‘Fraggle’ Haggis included capsizing in this category Dear Mustapha to decide who to apply to. If that is the case, Canoe Club Captain you’d probably find it helpful to use some as well, bad show! Finally the 8 finalists There is a lot of truth in what you say, and of the employer directories we carry. You were announced with Haggis, Fraggle and or the fist time in living memory, even that’s why it’s so important to keep a watch- could use something like Prospects Steve making their finals, and Tricky reach- that of granddad Brewer, canoe ful eye on advertised vacancies. Directory ’98 to identify all the major ing the semi’s. With the morning tide used entered a competition. The 3rd British Unfortunately, you can’t guarantee you will employers of graduates or you could use a F up, we wacky raced to the beach for some Universities playboating competition at spot the advertisement when it does come directory such as KOMPASS to locate all sun and surf, with several other uni’s and Teesside White Water centre. A depleted out, so writing ‘on spec’ at least gives you a the employers who operate in very special- proceded to terrorise the local surfer types squad of four left with a gush of tears from chance to be considered for something you ist areas such as nuclear instrumentation on some gorgeous vertical green waves. Haggis’ bird, cheers Lou, it touched the might otherwise have missed. There are manufacture or the production of automo- The evening tide was used to hold the infa- heart strings of us all. Excuses for not two other very good reasons for writing out tive components. We also have local mous Topo duo event (double kayak) this attending ranged from lack of rucksacks for of the blue. First of all, it can be pretty employer lists for most parts of the country. always ends in carnage with as many boats kit, broken hand, to ‘bloke doesn’t paddle expensive to advertise a job and employers The more you move off the beaten track, by in the hole as possible with much deck so neither do I now’, but hey, meant more wouldn’t waste their money if they had suf- the way, the greater your chances of pulling and cheating taking place. Surrey bus and tent space for the rest of us. ficient speculative applications sitting on unearthing a vacancy which no-one else has (Haggis and Steve) finished 2nd after being their desks. Secondly, it really works, as 7% found. narrowly beaten by Bangor uni, who pulled After the rather long bus journey up north, of University of Surrey graduates found last their decks and mooned at the judges. we hit the organised Friday night party and year. So I would encourage you to try writing Saturday night, involved more drinking and started on the Diesels, trying to forget about speculatively. You might end up with piles the unfortunate eating of a rather dodgy the 8am start. Morning broke with a hang- In case you’re interested, I’ll run through of rejection letters or even no responses at kebab, which tried to escape several times over, closely followed by Wacky-races to the accepted procedure for writing on spec. all, but then you might just discover a the following day. The finals held on the the course for the first event, the river run- Most people send a curriculum vitae and a nugget of a job which gets your career off to Sunday were tough and finally saw Haggis ning to sort the spods for the boaters. This covering letter. The letter would typically a brilliant start. and Fraggle 5th in their finals while Steve, involved paddling the course while com- be four paragraphs - who you are, why you beat several members of the British squad to pleting various manoeuvres such as rolls, are writing, what particular skills and expe- achieve a good 3rd in a terrible hole, which surfs and throwing paddles through hoops. rience you have to offer and a closing para- Russ Clark wouldn’t allow verticals let alone cart- Due to hangovers and any other excuse we graph to say how much you’d value having Careers Service wheels. With paddlers being drowned, could think of, we did pants, but did all bending paddles, cracking helmets and gen- Crossword No. 70 make the first 50% cut out of 200 paddlers. erally looking worried, it was not looking We got grouped into random categories of good for us mere mortal paddlers who were Haggis & Tricky ‘taking it easy’, Fraggle on next. Surrey competed against the best ‘trying slightly’ and Steve “I am a surrey Britain could offer (and some French student honest” in the group labelled ‘dogs- bloke). We’ll be back next year in north bollix’. The groups were then weeded down Wales, to win events this time and not loose in the quarter’s and semi’s by performing to mooning from Bangor uni. Congrats to top quality playboating moves on the stop- Skinny and the rest of the BMX club for uni pers such as paddle spins, rail grabs, flat championship results. Trampoline ‘agents’ hit Bath

arch 7th 1998, 2pm, Surrey Students for communal back massages, though some MUnion took a little longer than others. Special agents meet to discuss mission. First March 8th 1998 8am (yes that time actually aim to find our transportation vessel “What does exist) was the registration number again?” Our Special agents were woken up, washed course was set for the far out reach of the town dressed, and fed, and on their way to the sports of Bath. The journey though long was hall. uneventful (apart from Lue feeling travel sick The first round was an eventful one, with Caz before we left campus). and Lue both finding 9’s for their routines, and lying in =1sta and 3rd respectively and Tweety Later that day Toes lying 4th., there was a small catastrophe Arrive at Bath university. Found trampolines. in the novices, when Posh decided to make his Lue is happy rabbit because the trampolines routine look a little less Posh than usual. are sexy, and after an hour and a half, finally The second round saw brilliant routines from Down Across gets on and practices her routine. Much inse- our Novices, particularly Pizza Monster who 1. Blemish (6) 1. Repudiate (6) curity from other special agents “I shouldn’t fought her way to 25th place, closely followed 2. A scolding woman (5) 2. Lemon-like-fruit (6) 3. Revolve rapidly (5) 8. Polish up (7) be here I’m not good enough” so having con- by Baby and Posh in 33rd and 34th respec- 5. Unbeliever (7) 10. Central point (5) vinced good routines out of them, and per- tively. 6. Newly-enlisted person (7) 11. Species of primrose (7) suaded Tweety toes to point his toes, and Posh So onto the final for our brave special agents 7. End of a rugger game (2-4) 12. Ancient Celtic priest (5) spice to keep his legs together we headed off Caz, Lue and Tweety Toes. I say brave 9. Children’s outdoor game (3-6) 13. Make expressive body movements to find our resting place for the night, the because the final was done so that each indi- 14. Something that’s offensive to look at (7) (11) YMCA!!!!!! This is where the navigational vidual jumped alone so every one could watch, 15. Climbing plant-organ (7) 18. Trim with the beak (5) skill of our team failed, as we got lost on the - you mean people watch these things? 16. Aromatic vegetable substances (6) 19. Nominal (7) way out of the building, and ended up on the After some splendid trampolining, Caz lead 17. Grating (6) 22. Singing group (5) wrong side of Campus. our secret agents in 2nd place with Lue close 20. Wigwam (5) 23. Optimistic (7) at her heals in 6th, and Tweety pulled his socks 21. A Long sentence (5) 24. Inflexibly hard (6) 8pm That Evening up and held onto his 9th place position in what 25. Unit of temperature (6) The Pizza Monster was getting a little peckish is to be his last BUSA competition, Ahh we so Pint of cider navigated us to “Pizza are going to miss you Tweety. Solution to Crossword no. 69 Express” before nipping off for a quickie (pint So Mission accomplished and the secret Across: 1.ripen 4.parasol 8.fan-tail 9.moist 10.lair 11.meanness 13.safest 14.stupor 18.mandrill 20.ling 22.raven 23.janitor 24.Harlech 25.Pairs that is) with Posh Spice. We then got the Beers agents return to base, the only mystery that Down: 1.raffles 2.pontiff 3.neat 4.pullet 5.ruminate 6.Seine 7.lotus 12.estrange 15.pointer 16.regards in, or at least Tweety toes, Pint of Cider and remains unsolved is what happened to the 17.Elijah 18.mirth 19.never 21.snip Posh Spice did, before returning to the YMCA Apple Danish ? Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sport Thursday 26th March 1998 n Campusport 1998 London Marathon:

Campusport wish you all a very energising p.m. Tone to the Bone Easter break and for those of you who are - Thursdays (2nd, 16th & 23rd April) - 6.30 you need balls remaining on campus or in the Guildford p.m. Legs, Bums & Tums area, we are running a shortened programme - Fridays (3rd, 17th & 24th April) - 7.00 of activities. These will all take place at the a.m. Early Morning Fitness and is doubling in frequency close to 3 hours as he can. Sports Centre unless specified otherwise. All other facilities at both the Sports Centre Andy Dawson every 20 years. The event also incorporates - Mondays (30th March, 6th & 20th April) - and Varsity Centre will remain available the BUSA Marathon 6.00 p.m. Aerobics with Danny (badminton, squash, tennis, ATP etc.) opefully that’s got The Institute of Cancer Championships and will be - Tuesdays (31st March, 7th & 21st April) - although during the week 9th April - 15th your attention. Do Research will be construct- broadcast on the BBC on 7.00 a.m. Early Morning Fitness; April, opening times will be variable. Hyou realise that one ing the UK’s first dedicated Sunday 26th April 98. 1.00 p.m. Lunch Time Aerobics; 1.10 p.m. All details are available from the Sports in three of us is likely to suf- male cancer research centre Lunch Time Stretch (in the Dance Centre and the new brochures for a fuller fer from some form of can- later this year, in Surrey. For the sake of your broth- Department Studio); 6.00 p.m. Circuit summer programme beginning on Monday cer ? By the year 2018 it is Two of the University run- ers, fathers, boyfriends and Training. 27th April will be ready shortly. estimated that 1 in 4 men ners, Andy Dawson and any sons you may go on to - Wednesdays (1st, 8th & 22nd April)- 1.00 will suffer from prostate Luke Godfrey will be run- have, please get your hands cancer, of which 70% will ning this year’s London in your pockets and dig Surrey cleans up at actually die from the dis- Marathon with the aim of deep. Donations and spon- ease; bladder cancer is 3 raising both cash and aware- sorship are both welcomed, times more prevalent in men ness for the issue of male more details from Andy on than women; start squirming cancers. Luke is hoping to [email protected] Climbing Competition - testicular cancer mainly complete the course and occurs in men aged 24 to 35 Andy is aiming to finish as of skin and hanging around, ALL the prizes N Bodsworth, for the universities section went to USMC The Eagle has granded D Driscoll, climbers, as follows: J McCarthy-Holland Top scoring beginner: Heidi Petzold Top scoring open class: Arwell Roberts s we travelled to Redhill indoor Top scoring university team: USMC A climbing wall, our thoughts were of (Arwell, Matt, Joe & Sharon) Aenjoyment, participation and with a Best overall team: USMC A little bit of luck the odd mention in the final standings. What we did not anticipate after Good performances were put in by all with finally arriving at the third sports centre in exceptional scores being obtained by Dan the area was that weÕd walk away with Sudbury and Tom Linecar - so much so that slightly more than weÕd bargained for. they were expelled from the beginners ranks and given default scores in the open class. The competition consisted of each person Neil (turning up a whole 2hrs late) put us all climbing fifteen routes in either an open or to shame by ending up third overall even beginners category, climbing for team and though he only had an hour to complete the individual points. The grades ( for the non- routes. We all had a good time and felt we climbers ) ranged from hard to very hard hadn’t done badly considering this was the (beginners) and stupid-hard to bastard-hard first competition most of us had entered. (open). After much finger strain, pumped arms, lack The abseilers pose with Eddie Edwards at the Grand Hotel in Brighton length of rotting rope was found on the roof, Alex Langley which looked as though it had been there since WW2. The rope was attached to EEE, s soon as we drove past the Grand who proceeded to get into some interesting on the sea front we noticed the flag- poses for the publicity shots. If you remem- Apole swaying in the wind. It was ber him from the Winter Olympics all those actually more violent than a sway but we years ago, you will probably agree that he persuaded ourselves otherwise due to the was brave, but at least ‘a couple cans short fact we (Bimbo, Wurzel, Valleys and Just of a six pack’. did it) were about to dangle from 7 storeys on the end of a rope. Sometimes photographers lack concern for human life, in this instance it was a lack of The purpose of the trip to the seaside was to respect for gravity, as skiing on stairs is not promote The Big Dangle at Brighton on a recipe for success. Whilst all this was 23rd May. The event has been arranged in going on us ‘Kids’ were getting a bit bored, support of the Imperial Cancer Research so we decided to have some cheeky fun. Fund. However we were soon over the moon!, as By 10.30 our ‘Fearless-Four’ were sat in the the next shot involved the four of us, and the Grand enjoying a coffee rather than the sec- ‘Eagle’ himself. ond hour of Space Structures (never- mind!?). Our highly intellectual and stimu- All in all a great day was had by all down at lating conversation was suddenly killed by the Grand, and with a bit of luck it should be one odd question, ‘Whatever happened to a bit warmer and less windy by the end of Eddie the ‘Eagle’ Edwards??’ There were May. looks of bemusement all-round until we realised that the star of the upcoming photo The aim of that day and this article is to pub- shoot had just arrived!! licise the Dangle at the Grand on 23rd May. It was at this point that a call was received If anyone is interested in taking part, and to say the Abseil team had broken down en- would like some more information then call route and would not be able to make it. Alex on ext. 4739 or e-mail on cv31al, alter- Determined not to be beaten we all went up natively call Chris on ext. 4191 or e-mail on on the roof to see what could be done. A cv41cm.

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