Debutante balls are a coming of age ritual for upper-class elite women. These rituals were traditionally for men of a certain social status to present their daughter as eligible for marriage. “(It) is a rite of passage with marked social status symbolism,” (Escalas 1993, p. 709). Modern debutante balls are no longer strictly for matchmaking. Debutante balls are now hosted by elite social clubs and often raise money for charity. Families who participate see it as a long-standing tradition and an excuse for a fun party. “In an effort to make a case for the relevance of their participation in the deb ball they construct tradition as something worth holding on to” and they argue that they are “able to select what they want from the elements of the deb ball that are pleasurable; suggesting there is no other reason for doing their deb beyond the fact that it is fun to do,” (Harrison 1997, p. 503).
However, debutante balls are not socially neutral events. The ritual still works to reinforce class and racial segregation, reproduce traditional gender roles and normalize heterosexuality. “The exclusive nature of this event, which is typically limited to those members of the upper-classes who are invited into the inner circles of social elites, and the traditional practices imbedded in the ritual have remained largely unchanged despite changes in the larger society that have—at least overtly—served to de-emphasize the significance of class, race, and gender based distinctions in social interactions.” (Kendall 2005, p. 4.)
Debutante balls are fun family traditions, and many young women see it as nothing more than that. They are aware that outside of the upper-class elite, being a debutante may be looked down upon, but they are not fully aware of the of the ways that this ritual reproduces inequalities and normalizes the current power dynamic.
1 Harrison argues that the women have a sort of “’false consciousness’ in the sense that these girls are engaging in a ritual which reinforces gender inequalities without them being aware that this is the consequence of their actions,” (Harrison 1997, p.
504). It is difficult to be able to look at the role of the debutante critically when the ideals it represents are so normalized in one’s surrounding culture. “These practices are also not always open to ‘rational’ reflection and are therefore often resistant to change,” (Harrison 1997, p. 495).
Women who participate in debutante balls are aware of the reflected social inequalities, but remain oblivious to the lasting implications of the ritual. My interviewees found these disparities problematic. However, they still enjoyed participating. They reconcile their knowledge that debutante balls reproduced race, class, gender and sexuality inequalities with their identity as people who do not want to perpetuate inequalities by deemphasizing the significance of the ritual.
Literature Review
Debutante balls are a rite of passage that confirm and establish a young woman’s social status, as well as her family’s. These coming of age rituals shape debutantes’ identities and concepts of what it means to be an upper-class woman. Debutantes must then grapple with these identities and the inequalities that debutante balls reinforce through the reproduction of class privilege and gender norms. Women often resolve their conflicts about their identity by minimizing the significance of their role as a debutante.
Rite of Passage
2 Debutante balls are coming of age rituals and a rite of passage for upper class women, however these types of ceremonies are not unique to the upper class. “Rites of passage are understood as ceremonies that correspond and bring dramatization to major life events, such as birth, coming-of-age initiations, marriage, and death, and they consist of a series of rituals that convey individuals from one social status or role to another,” (Markstrom 2003, p. 402.) They represent a change in ones identity and symbolize a new self-understanding. “The rituals of coming-of-age are embedded in cultural values, beliefs and practices, and the reinforcement of the rituals during the ceremony leave the young person with a strong impression of her importance,” (Markstrom 2003, p. 404.) Rituals are not only about the individual and their new identity, but are also important to the larger social group because they exemplify that particular group’s values. This passage from one social role to another, “elucidates how a group demarcates and assigns meaning to different stages of life, to different members of their community, and to the relationships between them,” (Rodriguez 2004, p. 4). However, ultimately rituals are not about individuals, but about strengthening communities. “The functions of…rituals…is to provide occasions where individuals renew their commitment to the community,”
(Pals 2006, p. 105).
There are four social functions of rituals, (Alpert 1938). The first is a
“disciplinary and preparatory function.” Debutantes must discipline their bodies in order to meet the understood feminine ideal. The ritual of the debutante ball is a formal display of what women should look like and how they should act. “The young women must demonstrate signs of femininity such as being gracious, polite and
3 smiling all the time,” (Kendall 2005, p. 14). The ritual is also preparatory, “the debutantes were being prepared for their future roles as sorority members, hostesses and wives” (Escalas 1993, p. 712).
The second function is a “cohesive function,” to bring people together and to reaffirm their common bonds and to enhance and reinforce social solidarity, (Alpert
1938). Traditionally, debutante balls were held so that young women of a certain social standing could be presented to men of her same status as eligible for marriage. These marriages would then strengthen the ties between the elite families. Today, the debutante ball still serves to strengthen the social network of the elites as an excuse to socialize with each other, (Vida 1999).
The third function is a “revitalizing function,” that perpetuates traditions and social heritage. One of the main reasons young women participate in debutante balls is because it is a family tradition. “The mothers (of the debutantes) were debs, and their mothers before them were debs,” (Vida 1999, pg 58.) Alpert (1938) explains, ceremony helps connect the present to the past and strengthen the unity of a social group. Being a debutante is an experience that these women can share with past and future generations. The fourth function is a “euphoric function.” While the debutante ball is a formal ritual, it is also fun party. Many young women choose to be debutantes because it is a fun experience. “Fun was the most significant memory of the debutante ball,” (Escalas 1993, p. 712).
The euphoric function of a ritual “becomes even more significant when the existence of the group is in jeopardy.” Re-articulation of bourgeois identity made the wealthy defensive and self-conscious, which lead to an identity crisis, (Chenier
4 2009, p. 674.) “Debutantes of the upper-middle classes resolved this identity crisis by adopting a new identity…(they) sought to preserve coming out by recasting it as training in intelligent philanthropy and civic responsibility,” (Chenier 2009, p. 675.)
The significance of the elitist ritual was then veiled under the function of a charitable cause. “Charity balls, or debbing in the air of good works, flourished in the
1940s and 1950s, when even the richest nouveaux came to realize that conspicuous consumption without a benevolent purpose invited ridicule and opprobrium,”
(Marling 2004, p. 15).
Chenier (2009) argues that when studying the new identity of the debutant ball and the women that organize and participate in them, class is more significant than gender. “Although theirs was a gendered identity, when the upper class was confronted with a crisis of legitimacy, the need to reinvent themselves was a problem they shared with elite men, not other women,” (Chenier 2009 p. 709). For these women, their identity was more heavily rooted in their social status than it was in their gender. Coming of age rituals are about identity, but in the case of debutante balls, the ritual is about a specifically upper class identity.
Class
Debutante Balls are exclusive to the upper-class. “The importance of debut activities is fundamentally rooted in the quality if exclusiveness,” (Ostrander 1984, p. 90.) Bourdieu (1986) explains that class and social status are determined by the amount of capital one possesses. For Bourdieu, there are three types of capital: economic, cultural, and social. Economic capital is directly related to wealth.
Cultural capital is the representation of social competence. Social capital is the
5 connections and relationships you have with others. Capital is transferable, therefore each kind of capital can be, but is not necessarily, converted to another type of capital.
To be a member of the upper class elite one must have a lot of all three types.
“For the upper class, the definition of ‘class’ goes well beyond income, occupation, and education…the most important factors are the ownership of wealth, the exercise of power, and membership in an exclusive social network,” (Ostrander 1984, p. 5).
For many of the upper-class, family ties are central to their status, “their ancestry, heritage and breeding,” are all very important. (Ostrander 1984 p. 23). These ideas of what it means to be upper-class are “maintained and perpetuated across generations by elite clubs and organizations and the social rituals that are unique to the top economic and social tiers of society,” (Kendall 2005, p. 2). Debutante balls are one of these rituals.
Being a debutante legitimates a women’s status, but more importantly her family’s status because it is a public demonstration of the economic, cultural, and social capital that they possess. “Parents whose daughters are likely to become debutantes have wealth, power and knowledge about the process of recognition, and they are also capable of creating the social conditions and attitudes appropriate to this status,” (Knudsen 1968, p. 302). Participation in a debutante ball allows for mutual recognition of group membership which this reproduces group identity. The debutante ball works to reinforce the status of existing members, but it is also “an opportunity for public recognition and class acceptance of newcomers” (Ostrander
1984, p. 93).
6 There are three strategies used to secure status legitimation (Swartz 1998).
The first is conservation, or ways to hold dominant positions. The second is succession, or attempts to gain access to an established dominant position. The third is subversion, or attempts to change what is considered to be the dominant position.
The debutante ball is can be seen as both a conservation strategy as well as a succession strategy because it legitimates those in dominant positions and reinforces the established power dynamic. “It serves to establish a claim of high social standing for nouveau riche as well as to reinforce high status for those within older traditions” (Knudsen 1968, p. 300.)
Identity
Debutante balls are not only significant as rituals that reproduce identities for the upper class as a whole, but also significant in production of the identities of the individual debutantes. “Participation in a debutante ball presentation allows a woman to perform and interpret the role of debutante and to determine how it should (or perhaps should not) have a major effect on their life-long self-identity,”
(Kendall 2005, p. 15). Goffman explains that when “performing a role the individual must see to it that the impressions of (her) that are conveyed in the situation are compatible with role-appropriate personal qualities effectively imputed to
(her)…These personal qualities, effectively imputed and effectively claimed, combine with a person’s title, when there is one, to provide a basis of self-image,”
(Goffman p. 35). Being a debutante and embodying the characteristics that the role requires influences the construction of a young women’s identity because it governs the way she presents herself to others.
7 The performative aspect of the role of the debutante requires young women to portray class as well as gender correctly and reproduces inequality. They must demonstrate femininity properly. “The importance of a ‘correct’ feminine appearance was a consistent theme” for debutantes, (Harrison 1997, p. 498).
Debutantes are expected to look beautiful. In her book about proms, Best explains that the process of making oneself beautiful is an identity struggle. “More than just a set of frivolous practices of primping, these are fertile sites of identity negotiation and construction, where girls are making sense of what it means to be a women in a culture that treats the surface of the body as the consummate canvas on which to express the feminine self,” (Best 2000, p. 46). A young women’s physical appearance as central to her fulfilling her role as a debutante is problematic as it reinforces gender inequality. “This view of women (that is that they should be admired for their beauty) is linked to a subservient role in marriage and promotes unequal relationships between men and women,” (Harrison 1997, p. 507).
In addition to being beautiful, a debutante must also engage in heteronormative rituals, despite her sexuality. Heterosexuality is assumed in debutante balls. “Young women are prepared for entry into heterosexuality and the ideal of romantic love,” (Harrison 1997, p. 508). The concept of a “ball” to meet the man you are going to marry is reminiscent of fairy-tales and prince charmings. “The debutante ball makes fantasy reality. Although it only does so fleetingly, its congruence with other social discourses of femininity with their power to generate particular patterns of desire based around passivity and monogamous heterosexuality means that the deb ball is not just an enactment of ‘fluffy fantasy’
8 unconnected to wider processes of identity formation” (Harrison 1997, p. 495).
While the debutante ball is a ritual presentation of a young woman, it also solidifies societal expectations of what it means to be a young woman of a certain social standing and influences the way that debutantes construct their identities.
The amount that these young women embrace their role as a debutante varies. “Young women who participate in the elite ritual either embrace or reject the debutante role and the extent to which playing this role helps them to identify themselves and their interests with the upper class,” (Kendall 2005, p. 2). Some debutantes embrace the role and “it becomes an integral part of their identity,”
(Kendall 2005, p. 9). For others, “there is a great discrepancy between their self- identities, as they perceive themselves and the meanings of the performances they are expected to give if they assume the debutante role,” (Kendall 2005, p. 15). These young women are experiencing what Goffman calls “role distance,” (Lemert and
Branaman 1997). The women are “denying not the role but the virtual self that is implied in the role for all accepting performers” (Lemert and Branaman 1997, p.
37). These young women are still playing the role of the debutante, but reject its implied identity.
Many debutantes feel conflicted about the implications of their role as a debutante and distanced themselves from the negative elements of the ritual. They
“realized the implications of their involvement in this event but were unwilling to accept them. The debutantes referred to other people as being interested in the social status aspects of the ball, but were unwilling to subscribe to the traditional importance of family, wealth, and society. They were willing to participate but
9 convinced themselves that this negatively perceived element of the ritual did not apply to them,” (Escalas 1993, p. 715). Debutantes are aware of that people outside of their exclusive group have negative opinions about the debutante ball. By denying the implications of being a debutante, these women separate themselves from those negative opinions. “By rejecting the ball’s ritual significance, they are withdrawing the recognition of others who would be more inclined to judge them on the basis of their ascribed selves. In this way they are asserting their independence and giving increased importance to their achieved self concepts, over which they have more control,” (Escalas 1993, p. 715). These women are establishing role distance by
“isolating (herself) as much as possible from the contamination of the situation,”
(Lemert and Branaman 1997, p. 39). They separate themselves from what they think others will perceive as negative and ignore the repercussions of their playing the role of the debutante.
Participation in debutante balls is further complicated because, even if the women are aware (to varying extents) of the implications, they enjoy doing it. “An important determinant in making a decision to participate in a particular activity is the amount of enjoyment one will receive,” (Escalas 1993, p. 710). Debutante balls are fun, and for many women that is the main reason they choose to participate.
“Understanding the tension between the pleasure individuals derive from participating in the process of culture making on the one hand and their subordination by ideological and structural forms of domination on the other is key to understanding why cultural actors continue to participate in practices that sustain their own subordination” (Best 2000, p. 167).
10 The ritual function of the debutante ball reinforces class distinction, exemplifies racial segregation, perpetuates traditional ideals of femininity and normalizes heterosexuality. Debutantes, and their families, do not consciously choose to participate in the ritual in order to accomplish these social consequences, but they participate because it gives them pleasure. In attempt to reconcile their role as a debutante, which reproduces inequality, and their identity as a good person, the women I interviewed deemphasized the social significance of the ritual.
Methodology Reflecting on my own debutante ball, my identity as a feminist, and how I reconciled the two, I was curious to see how other women viewed their role as a debutante. I was interested in other debutantes’ reasons for participating, to what extent they were aware of the social implications of debutante balls, and how they made meaning of the ritual. I had no choice in my participation in my debutante ball. I come from generations of other debutantes and many women in my family have even chaired debutante balls. As a feminist, I found the tradition to be archaic and the implications of the gender inequality to be problematic. However, at the time that was the only inequality that I was disturbed by. As years have gone by and I have reflected on my debutante ball more, I have also become interested in the race, class and sexuality inequalities.
I used snowball sampling to find twelve other debutantes to interview. I asked all the women the same set of questions, but each interview had other questions that came out of their answers. All of the women I interviewed were white, identified as heterosexual, and were between the ages of 18 and 30. Ten of the women I interviewed were still in college and two of the women had graduated.
11 All of the women attended a four-year college or university. I interviewed nine of the women at Colorado College, and three of the women in Pasadena, Ca. However, the women had been debutantes all across the country.
Findings and Analysis
Debutante balls are primarily ceremonies that reinforce identities, not change them. The tradition of the debutante ball is a coming of age ritual for upper- class women that works to confirm or elevate a women, and her family’s social status, (Ostrander 1984). However, a coming of age ritual implies that ones identity is changing. The majority of the women I interviewed said that their debutante ball didn’t have a large effect on their identity. “The significance of the experience however, was almost completely ignored or denied. Neither the rite of passage symbolism nor the attainment of social status significance were accepted as motivations for the ball,” (Escalas 1993, p. 715). The identities of elite women are influenced more by their class than their gender, (Chenier 2009). The women whose identities were not affected by their ball all had family members who were also debutantes, so the ritual was confirming their status and not changing it. The two women who placed more significance on the ritual were both the first in their families to be debutantes. It seems that they find their ball more significant because it represented a changed and elevated social status for them and their families.
The women I interviewed they also distance themselves from the negative social implications of the debutante ball and therefore were able to distance their role as a debutante from their identity. The women were all able to think critically about their expierences, but then justified their participation either because of
12 family tradition or because it was a fun experience. These women disregarded the larger social significance of debutante balls because they found them to be positive experiences for the individual debutantes.
Motivations
While the ritual of debutante balls stems from the tradition of presenting young women to eligible young bachelors for marriage, debutante balls still strengthen the network ties of the upper class elite. The debutante ball is an opportunity for members of the upper class to socialize with other members of the upper class. Therefore the primary motivation for women to be a debutante was because it was fun. Other reasons were family tradition, the charitable aspect, and making business connections. “Today the main goal may be to have fun, make new friends, and even establish linkages for future careers,” (Kendall 2005, p. 3).
Of all the women that I interviewed (12), all but one said they were excited to be debutantes because of the fun party and viewed it as a positive experience. Lizzy was the only woman who did not mention the fun social aspect of the debutante ball and she felt impartial toward her experience. “I would say I feel pretty neutral about it. It wasn’t like horribly negative, but it wasn’t like horribly positive. If I had the choice to do it again, or if my family wasn’t super concerned about it, I probably wouldn’t want to do it.” Hillary also felt indifferent, “It was a net positive experience.” But like the other women interviewed, Hillary thought the actual party was fun. “It ended up being a pretty good experience, less because of the debuting and more because of how great of a party it was.”
13 I asked every girl if she was hoping to meet someone for dating purposes at the ball and none of them said that they had the intention of doing so. Many said they already knew most of the young men at the ball. People who participate in debutante balls often know one another because they are in the same social circles, members of the same country clubs, and go to the same schools. (Knudsen 1968).
Judy1 explained that she was from a small community and she knew all of the debutantes and escorts before the ball. “Yeah so it was kind of like all of my closest guy friends were either escorts or guests, so it was pretty much like my entire social community was there,” (Judy). Some of the women I interviewed had gone to boarding school and were looking forward to reconnecting with old friends, both male and female, as well as meeting their friends new friends. “It was really fun to reconnect with old friends. Especially going to boarding school, I kind of lost touch with a bunch of my guy friends, girls I see, but my guy friends, um you know dancing with them again, and it was just kinda fun to reconnect,” (Amelia).
Most of the women I interviewed (eight), had mothers or grandmothers who were also debutantes. All of these women stated that family pressure was the main reason they choose to be a debutante. Similar to Kendall’s (2005) typology of debutantes, there were the anticipators who where very excited about being a debutante, some who felt neutral about it, and a few who resisted the idea of being a debutante. For some it was not a discussion with the family, but something that was always expected of them. Mary explained that it was very important to both her mother and grandmother and that there was never any question that she wouldn’t
1 In order to protect the privacy of the women I interviewed, all names have been changed.
14 be a debutante. She said, “looking back on it I don’t really feel like I had choices, it was just like this is what you are doing.” For others it was something they were happy to do because they knew it was something that would make their family happy. Hillary also explained that it was very important to her family that she was a debutante. She recalls a family friend explaining to her the expectations that she would be a debutante. “So I was told by a family friend that being a debutante was the last thing that I was obligated to do for my parents other than graduating from college. So really I did it as a favor to my parents.” Hillary understood that being a debutante was expected of her, and while she disagreed with many aspects of the debutante ball, it was something she didn’t mind doing for her family. “It was less like I was told I had to do it and more, it was something I could easily do that would make my parents happy.”
The other (four) women were the first generation of debutantes in their family had different reasons for participating. These women seemed to be the most excited about being debutantes. They all stated that they had other friends who were also going to be debutantes. “Women who most anticipated assuming the role of the debutante were those whose peers were involved in similar activities and who were highly supportive of their involvement in the presentation ritual,”
(Kendall 2005, p. 8). Two of the women, Hayley and Tess, first heard about debutante balls from their friends and then asked their parents if they could do it.
Hayley said that the main reason she wanted to be a debutante was because all of her friends were doing it.
15 Tess talked about how her father saw being a debutante as an investment in her future and a way to network. She explained the importance of making yourself known, “just the whole people knowing your face, sticking yourself out there, making connections, coming to this realization that people are watching you, um especially in like a very metropolitan society.” Tess and her father both saw her debutante ball as a way to legitimate their family’s status and as a way to strengthen their connections with the upper class elite, which Ostrander (1984) describes as one of the functions of debutante balls. Judy, who was also the first in her family to be a debutante, participated despite her father being against it. She explained that he “just really didn’t like the message it sent about me as an individual and thought there were better ways for me to be introduced to a society than just by being the daughter of so and so.” Judy came from a family that had been very prominent in their community for generations but her grandparents had been excluded from the country club in the past because they were Jewish. She was surprised that she had been invited and was excited to be included. “I kind of have like the fear of missing out, and I had never thought that I could be one, so when I had the option to, I was like really excited,” (Judy).
All three of these women talked about the exclusivity of the ball and how difficult it was to receive an invitation. They all viewed participating in their debutante ball as a great opportunity and something special. “I know its very challenging to get into actually,” Hayley explained, she said that she felt “lucky” that she was able to participate. Tess said that she felt “honored” to be a debutante. “I
16 feel really blessed to be a part of the whole process because it is very fairytale like. It is not something that is normal and its like, ‘wow’, I got to be a part of it.”
Catie, the fourth girl who was the first generation of her family to be a debutante, had a very different experience than any of the other (12) girls I interviewed. Her debutante ball was described as a “senior presentation” and came at the end of a six-year membership in a charitable organization for teenage girls.
She participated in the debutante ball because it was a time to present all of the volunteer work she had done as a part of this organization. “For me like, presentation, I don’t know, it was a culminating moment, not for me but for the whole thing.” Catie explained that while she chose to join the organization for charitable reasons, it was an exclusive and elite group, and she believed that many girls and their families joined for social reasons. When describing how “it was kinda a society thing for some families,” Catie talked about how there was pressure on some of her friends from their parents to be members of the organization. “I have heard of like my friends dads who would be like you need to get in, you need to be in this organization, like we have to be in this, so it was really stressful for them.” The daughter being a part of this exclusive group was not about the individual daughter, but about legitimating the status of her family.
Seven of the women had a charitable aspect to their debutante ball, which made them more inclined to participate. Three of the women who participated because of family pressure stated that they were more willing to be a debutante because it was for a good cause. Mary was invited to multiple balls but ultimately chose to participate in the one that was for charity. She explained, “for me, I would
17 rather do one that is actually going to give something, as opposed to one that’s just to walk around in a pretty dress and go to a party.” Nina also expressed that she felt better about being a debutante because of the charitable aspect of it. She said she felt “guilty” about being a debutante because “I felt like it was really extravagant and it was a lot of money and I didn’t really understand like the benefit of it.” She said that knowing the proceeds to charity “made it more reasonable to me.” Tess said that she wished that hers had been for charity, “it would make it more justifiable.”
However, only Catie and Hayley were required to do volunteer work in order to participate. Both of these women were the first generation of debutantes in their family and both of their balls focused more on their personal accomplishments and charitable contributions than any of the other debutante balls. The other five debutante balls that were for charity raised money for the organization that it was benefitting. Only Catie said her main reason for participating was charity and that’s because her ball came at the end of six years of volunteer work.
Inequalities
Debutante balls reflect racial segregation, reinforce class privilege, reproduce gender norms and assume heterosexuality. While not only white women are debutantes, the balls tend to be segregated, (Marling 2004). The exclusivity of debutante balls to the upper-class elite is fundamental to its social meaning,
(Ostrander 1984). Young women are presented by their fathers to other men demonstrating a woman’s subservient role as well as dictating a heterosexual pairing. These women are aware of these inequalities, but differ in the degrees to which they find them problematic.
18 All of the women I interviewed where white and they all said that the racial make up of their debutante balls were predominantly white, if not all white. The women were not surprised by the racial inequality and say that it is reflective of their communities. Catie explained, “I grew up in a very white community, so it was kind of like reflective of the community.” Amelia agreed but sees it as a problem, “it’s a lot of people from my country club and my country club is like all white so it makes sense. It’s not good, but I don’t know.” Hillary also sees it as a problem; she says she was disappointed but not surprised. She explains, “its kind of a self- replicating circular situation where you do it if your mom did it and did it because her mom did it and her mom did it because she was white.”
All of the women in interviewed viewed debutante balls to be exclusive to the upper class elite. In order to be a debutante, every woman had to be invited. The women I interviewed acknowledged that being invited was based on their family’s social status. Ostrander (1984) explains that to be in the upper class, not only must one be wealthy, but also have good family lineage and social ties to other elite families. None of my interviewees were entirely sure how they were chosen to be invited, but Mary made some assumptions. “I think it would have to be like a family in good standing in society, so to speak, I mean I really don’t even know what that means.” Judy explains that its “a weird secretive process.” She also talks about the importance of being established in the community, “like basically every single girl that was a part of it had at least two generations of family in (her city) before her who were involved in some large type of business in (her city.) Many of the women saw the exclusivity of debutante balls as a necessity. Amelia talks about how its
19 “tough” that debutante balls are exclusive, but she sees it as a logistical necessity, “I guess you cant invite anybody to be a debutante just because of like how many hours it takes to practice and the preparation.” Sarah also talks about practical difficulties, “I guess if it was open to the public it might be a little but more difficult to figure out food and drinks and all of that,” But Sarah also acknowledges the exclusivity as a strategy to preserve the social class. “I think its kinda a veil from the rest of society. It’s just like separating the upper class from the middle class and the lower class.” Ostrander (1984) agrees explaining that the importance of the debutante ball is primarily its exclusivity.
The women were less aware of the gender inequalities. The gender differences at debutante balls are the most obvious, but also the most normalized.
Both Nina and Mary were completely unaware and said they didn’t feel like there were any strict gender roles. Judy was the only one to really consider that there wasn’t a similar tradition for young men. “I think its weird that only females are presented and only men are given distinction based on, you know they don’t need the presentation. Its just there.” When talking about gender differences at the balls, the women often used words like “weird” or “silly” to describe the aspects of the ritual that they found problematic, but attributed those inequalities to the long standing tradition of debutante balls. Best (2000) explains, “treating gender as simply a matter of social difference and not social power not only works to naturalize a gendered division, it also obscures how this very talk produces and maintains a social organization of power,” (p. 44).
20 The women explained that fulfilling their role as a debutante required them to be polite and look beautiful. Hayley explains, “the roles of the girls is to be pretty, and to be polite and to be respectful and to welcome their guests.” Some women found aspects of their role to be demeaning. Sarah felt that the focus on the physical appearance of the debutante was degrading. “I feel like its kind of wrong that we still emphasize beauty on the outside. And quiet frankly, as I said before, I got so many complements on how beautiful I looked and how great I looked, and thinking back to it, I think like, ‘ouch,’ do I not look beautiful everyday? Or is it just because I wore make up and wore that white dress, is that why I look beautiful on that one night?” A few of the women talked about feeling like they were being presented as an object.
Amelia explained, “the way you are presented kind of as a figure and not even as a person to society.” Nina agreed saying, “I don’t know, it was kind of weird though because you sort of feel like you are being handed off and you’re like a thing.” When talking about women being presented by men, all of the women attribute it to the tradition. Amelia explains, “I think it’s hard to break those traditional gender roles at debutante balls.”
Many of the women I interviewed had never even thought about the heteronormativity necessitated and reinforced by debutante balls. The ritual of the debutante ball is embedded with a performance that works to normalize heterosexual relationships so that the debutantes were unaware of inequality surrounding their assumed sexuality. Harrison (1997) explains that heterosexual romance is fantasized about in our culture and the debutante ball makes that fantasy a reality. Hayley’s debutante ball took the romantic fantasy to an extreme
21 with the addition of a prince charming to the ritual. “How that works is the ladies on the committee pick a guy in advance, and he’s usually a freshman in college, and he, from the community, so hell come back for the event, um and so they pick a prince charming and then the girls, when the dads come in to meet their daughters, they put, its kind of corny, but they put their names in this giant pumpkin. So then the fairy godmother, who is on the committee, comes in and presents all of the names and prince charming picks one out and that girl has a special dance with him and then they sit and watch all the dads and daughters dance and then he gives her a necklace,” (Hayley). While not all debutante balls are this explicit about the fantasy princess/prince, happily ever after fantasy, they do present the idea that a women will be chosen by a man for marriage and that will be the most significant aspect of her life.
Keeley and Tess both thought that if a woman wanted to have a female escort that it should be allowed, and that it would be allowed in her debutante ball. Keeley explained, “I’m sure if there was female/ female it would have been fine. There is definitely probably pressure for it to be male/female, but you know it, anybody should be able to bring whoever they want and if it’s their debutante they can bring whoever they want.” However, both of these women are socialized to only consider the hetererosexual norm that they had not even considered that a debutante would want a female escort. Lizzy was the only women to bring up the heterosexual standard in debutante balls. She viewed assumptions that debutante balls made about sexuality as very “negative” because “if the daughter was a lesbian or questioning or anything, they would feel very uncomfortable I’m sure.”
22 Most of the women recognized that the heteronormativity of debutante balls was a product of the tradition, but they also thought it might change over time.
Sarah explained “debuting is a very age old tradition and its something that has been done for hundreds of years, so again its back to the times where, you know there was no transgender, there was no bisexual, there was no asexual, there was no gay, there was no lesbian so I think its back to the time when there is none of that. But now, I have to say I feel like, if debutantes or if debuting still wants to happen in the
21st century, it sort of has to move forward and accept peoples different sexual orientations.”
When talking about these inequalities, some women said they thought these things would change in the less exclusive balls, but maybe not in their own. Some of the women explained that there is a hierarchy of debutante balls. “I think that everyone who is involved in the situation one way or another understands like the tier of the deb balls,” (Judy). When describing other balls she had attended, Hillary explained that the less exclusive balls were less traditional. ”The one I did is a lot more formal, and it was a very large group of girls, and it was a little bit more rigid rules, where as some of the other more local balls are more casual.” Judy described one of the other debutante balls in her community as “the least prestigious one.” She explained that “it is fairly open and pretty much of you go to a private school you are invited.” This was the least traditional ball because it also had the “man of distinction” associated with it, in which men of a certain age are also presented to society. She described the ceremony “you would walk out by yourself and they, like through a loud speaker, like so and so, daughter of so and so, granddaughter of so
23 and so, the same way they would at most debutante balls and they would do that same thing so it would rotate girl then guy, girl then guy. And then the girls and guys would come and line up and then they were paired alphabetically with somebody to do the first dance with rather than doing a dance with your father.” Catie’s ball was also less traditional and less exclusive. She was presented to society and wore a wedding dress, however she was presented by both her parents and did not have an escort.
While the women are aware of the inequalities presented at debutante balls, they find some of them more problematic than others. The women found the heteronormative aspect of debutante balls to be the most problematic and thought that it needed to change. There are no rules about what race or class you must be in order to participate, there is not even a rule saying that a debutante must be straight, but there are strict rules about who presents and escorts the debutante that imply a heterosexual norm. These rules about heterosexual pairings may be seen as active discrimination. The women were also bothered by the racial and class disparity at their balls and often used words like “tough” or “too bad” to describe these inequalities. The women felt guilty about the inequalities of the debutante balls that put them in a superior situation in terms of race and class. However, they were less upset by the gender inequalities that reproduced their own oppression.
Chenier (2009) explains that the identities of elite women are more heavily influenced by their class than their gender. “Gender, race and ethnicity were, of course, central to the definition of elite, but members were overwhelmingly concerned with issues of class status, not gender inequality,”(p. 684).
24 Grappling with Inequality
The women I interviewed made sense of their role as a debutante and how it affected their identity as a whole by deemphasizing the significance of the ritual and emphasizing that it was a positive experience. By doing this, the women are engaging in what Goffman calls ‘role distance,’ (Lemert and Branaman 1997). By placing less importance on the larger social repercussions of their debutante ball, the women I interviewed were able to distance themselves from negative implications of the ball, and reconcile their role as a debutante with their identity as a good person. The women acknowledged the inequalities that the ritual perpetuates, but also expressed their disapproval of these inequalities. Through this they convey “some disdainful detachment” from the role they are performing,
(Lemert and Branaman 1997, p. 39).
Debutantes who had other family members who had also been debutantes viewed the debutante ball as a family tradition and fun party and claimed that being a debutante had no lasting affect on their identity. Hillary placed very little significance on her role as a debutante. “Its become less a definition of who I am as a debutante and more like an opportunity to tell really funny stories about what happened that night and, you know just like a funny archaic thing that I did that I have photos of that I can show people at parties.” Alisha explained, “its not something where I’m like I’m a changed person now that I was presented to society.” This is contrary to Markstram’s (2003) argument that coming-of-age rituals have lasting effects on their identities. As Chenier (2009) explains, upper class women primarily identify with their class status and not their gender.
25 Debutante balls work to legitimate or elevate ones social status. Since these women already had family members who were debutantes, it was only confirming their social status and not changing it, therefore not affecting their identity.
The women who were the first in their family to be debutantes placed more importance on the ritual because being a debutante was elevating their class status and changing their identity. Tess and Hayley felt that their debutante ball was more significant than the other women. Tess describes her role as a debutante as “trying to be the best person you can be, like to show everyone, like I have got this.” She views presenting herself well as debutante as an investment in her future and felt empowered by successively fulfilling that role. Hayley sees her debutante ball as a coming of age ceremony and also felt empowered by her debutante ball, “because now I’m a women and I have my family supporting me, but they are also saying look what you have accomplished and now you are going off into the world. Even though
Judy was also a first generation debutante, her family had been prominent in her community for many generations so her role as a debutante did not elevate her family’s status. Catie was also a first generation debutante but her ball was more about celebrating the community service Catie had completed rather than her family’s status. She said she felt empowered by her debutante ball because “there is a certain sense of accomplishment, I guess in that, and there’s a certain sense of pride and satisfaction with what you have done.”
The majority of the women (7) believed debutante balls had the capacity to be empowering for young women, based on the way each individual debutante viewed her experience. Harrison (1997) argues, “practices of femininity cannot be
26 unproblematic ally constructed as always oppressive,” (p. 495). Nina explains that debutante balls can be empowering “depending on how you approach it. I think they can also not be, they can be degrading.” Many of the women had contradictory interpretations of certain aspects of the tradition. Nina is conflicted about having been presented by her father. She said she “didn’t like the part where they sort of parade you out,” but she also said that the most memorable part of her debutante ball was “walking down the isle with my dad, which is funny because it’s the part that I was so finicky about.” Sarah also had conflicting interpretations. She felt that the debutante ball was empowering to women because “it really makes you feel beautiful, and every women wants to feel beautiful.” However she felt that the focus on the debutantes’ physical appearance was degrading.
While the women were aware that there were negative aspects of the debutante ball, they didn’t view debutante balls as inherently bad traditions. The women argue that they make their own meaning from their experiences. “They are
‘modern’ young women, able to select what they want from the elements of the deb ball that are pleasurable,” (Harrison 1997, p. 503). Hillary explained that debutante balls “function as an opportunity for people to critique women” but she also thinks
“it can be a fun event and some people do enjoy it and the families get a lot out of it and for that its kind of a neutral thing.” Amelia also believes that debutante balls have both positive and negative aspects. “I think it’s a weird tradition but I think, and I know it can be extremely negative in the sense that the girl gets paraded around for everyone to see. But I do think that it has some positive things: family values and reconnecting with friends.”
27 Many of the debutantes talked about the negative reputations they felt they received from being debutantes. Escalas (1993) explains that these women protect themselves from these reputations by distancing themselves from the negative aspects of the ritual. Nina feels that being a debutante gives her a snooty reputation.
In order to defend herself, she focuses on the fun aspects of the debutante ball instead of its exclusivity. “I’m like, look its open bar and the proceeds go to charity and you get to hang out with all of your friends, they look at it differently.” Hayley also feels the need to defend the tradition to people who have not participated in it.
“Yes it’s a tradition, but there’s a lot of traditions that if you aren’t a part of you wouldn’t understand. And um, I understand it is elitist. You can’t be in the ball unless you are invited, and it’s very expensive. But I also don’t think its hurting anyone and I don’t think its meant to make other people feel bad and its donating money to charity and it is supporting these positive causes in my area.”
All of the women except for Lizzy said that their debutante ball was a positive experience and justify their participation because they had fun doing it. Lizzy argues that because debutante balls are “all white and only people who are considered like high society and upholding like traditional gender roles and old expectations then I think that’s really negative and patronizing to everyone else and sends a real, like I guess in that since I am embarrassed to having participated because I think it sends like a message that by participating you’re as intolerant as the rest of the, as everything that goes along with the ball.”
Sarah and Hillary also found the tradition to be problematic because it was at odds with their feminist ideals. These women were experiencing what Goffman calls
28 “role conflict.” However they were able to resolve their role conflict through strategies of role distance. They downplayed the significance of debutante balls by distancing themselves from the role of debutante. Sarah explained, “it was definitely kind of hard for me because there were things that went against what I believed in, but for the most part I just did it because it was something my mom wanted me to do.”
Hillary has been able to separate her identity as a feminist and her role as a debutante. She explains that she has “compartmentalized them and I have prioritized my family over most other things in my life, and because I took the event so casually, I don’t let it define me.” She was able to do this because rituals work to reinforce the values of the group instead of focusing on the individual. Rituals put
“the community back in the foreground of people’s minds, and to push personal, self-oriented concerns back into a secondary place,” (Pals 2006, p. 105).
Debutante balls are about reaffirming status and normalizing the values of the upper class. “The debutante ball gives the illusion of being all about the young woman, but I truth she is merely a player in her parents ongoing narrative,” (Vida
1999, p. 74). Hillary explains, “it has nothing to do with empowering the individual and everything to do with empowering a larger social class.” The women that I interviewed are aware that the debutante balls weren’t celebrating their personal accomplishments, but we displaying their families wealth and status. Hillary defines debutante balls as “an archaic tradition to have the daughter be representative of the hopes and dreams of the whole family and presented to society as like the sterling example of the family’s good breeding.”
29 While these women maybe aware of the social implications of debutante balls, these young women are excited to participate because they have fun doing so.
Harrison (1997) explains that these women acknowledge the ways that debutante balls are seen as problematic and “provide their own critique they still look back with pleasure at their participation on the deb ball,” (p. 514). Judy even said she didn’t like talking to her father about her debutante ball. “I hated talked to my dad about it because I didn’t like him trying to explain the message behind it and why he didn’t like it, because I was like well its this really fun event.”
Conclusions
Debutante balls are presented as coming of age rituals, however as their match making function has become obsolete, they are no longer celebrating a rite of passage for a young women. They still serve to strengthen the ties of the upper class and normalize social power structure that makes the upper class elite. They remain predominantly white, standardizing racial segregation. They are exclusive to families of old money, reinforcing class privilege. The ritual requires a performance of traditional ideals of femininity, which perpetuating gender inequality. Similarly, the ritual assumes heterosexual pairings and reinforces heteronormativity.
Debutantes disregard that being a debutante had any lasting affect on their identity. They deemphasize the significance of the ritual and distance themselves from the negative implications of the ball in order to reconcile their role as a debutante with their larger self-concept as a person who does not want to perpetuate inequality. Despite finding aspects of their debutante ball problematic, the women I interviewed looked back at their debutante ball as a positive
30 experience and say that fun was one of their most important motivations for participating. Debutante balls still serve important social functions for the upper class elite, and as long as women have fun doing them, they will not change. Best
(2000) explains, “People gain pleasure from their investments in dominant discursive and material forms even as they feel constrained by them. The production and circulation of dominant culture depends upon the please actors gain from their engagement with particular meaning structures. Power and pleasure are enmeshed. Understanding the tension between the pleasure individuals derive from participating in the process of culture making on the one hand and their subordination by ideological and structural forms of domination on the other is key to understanding why cultural actors continue to participate in practices that sustain their own subordination,” (p. 167).
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