THE STORY OF PURIM:

THEY TRIED TO KILL US—WE SURVIVED—LET’S EAT AND DRINK!

THEY TRIED TO KILL US Seriously? Again??? Yeah, this time in Persia, way back when. Ahashveros was a somewhat dim-witted king. The story begins when he demands that his wife, Vashti, dance for friends during a party in his man cave. She refuses, so he banishes or kills her, depending on the age of your audience. No more Vashti.

Ahashveros holds a beauty contest to replace Vashti and selects Esther. She’s young, beautiful, and, unlike Vashti, still among the living. She has an uncle? cousin? husband? Older, wiser man-friend? Who is this guy? We only know that his name is Mordechai, and he hangs around the palace, keeping an eye on Esther. Not in a creepy way, but to make sure she’s okay.

Mordechai isn’t the only guy around the castle. Ahashveros has a right-hand man named Haman. Ugly and insecure, Haman demands that people bow before him. He and Mordechai encounter each other one day, and Mordechai refuses to do so because Jews have never bowed before anyone but God, so there you have it.

An enraged Haman convinces Ahashveros to massacre all the upstart Jews. Not even a little worried that this so over the top, Haman’s only question is when? The date is chosen by lottery. (FUN FACT: This is how the holiday got its name. Purim means “lots” in Hebrew. Use this to impress your friends, but first let’s finish the story.)

WE SURVIVED. Yeah, but not before a lot of cool intrigue: Mordechai learns of the plot, shares it with Esther, and reminds her that by the way, she’s Jewish, so she’d better to get her you- know-what together and figure out how to save herself and her people.

No problem. She is woman, hear her roar.

Esther arranges a couple of very private parties. Here’s how private: the guest list includes her husband and Haman.

After the first party, Haman goes home happy—things had gone so well, that he’d been invited to another party the very next night. If only he could get rid of the pesky Mordechai…..

Build some gallows, his wife says—and get permission from the king to hang him.

At the same time that Haman’s hammering away on his gallows, Ahashveros is tossing in his bed. Unable to sleep, he has a palace functionary come in and read him a story— yes, really. The clerk reads an entry from the palace journal, describing how, a while back, two men were plotting to assassinate Ahashveros, but Mordechai (yes, our Mordechai) reported the plot and saved the king’s life.

Impressive! And unrewarded…so the king summons Haman and tells him that the next day, he’s to go and honor Mordechai. One minute he’s planning to hang a guy and the next minute he’s giving him a medal. What a buzz kill.

Dramatic climax: Esther and Ahashveros step up: During the second party, Esther drops a bombshell and beseeches the king: she’s Jewish and Haman’s evil decree will result in the death of her people. And her. Only he, the king, can prevent such a tragedy.

Suddenly, Ahashveros sees Haman for the ugly insecure villain that he is. And he remembers that it was Mordechai, a Jew, who saved his life. And Esther looks exceedlingly fetching.

Thus inspired, he not only cancels the massacre. He determines that the scaffold Haman had built to hang Mordechai for refusing to bow to him will be used to hang Haman for refusing to be a decent human being.

Whatta story! We celebrate it every year.

LET’S EAT. We make triangle shaped-hats called hamentaschen, reminding us of Haman’s hat. The evil villain gets gobbled up! We also include the cookies in small packets of goodies called shalach manot that we give to friends and those who are less fortunate.

Traditional Jews attend synagogue on erev (the eve of) Purim, and again the day of Purim, to hear a reading of the official story from Megillat Esther—the Scroll of Esther.

In addition or instead of that, many Jews dress up like the cast of characters in the story. (If your family celebrates Halloween, it’s okay for kids to wear those costumes, too.) In a festival atmosphere, they listen to a FAR more informal (euphemism for “raucous and loud”) presentation rated from PG to Mature Audiences Only, depending on the crowd.

AND DRINK!! We don’t drink because we want to, we drink because we’re commanded to! Yup, we’re told to get so drunk that we can’t tell the difference between Mordechai the hero and Haman the villain. If you’re a slacker and not sufficiently “impaired”, you’re to cheer when you hear the name Mordechai, and drown out Haman’s name when it comes up.

Like we said, the process is raucous and loud = FUN!