FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 – Keep the Cat Free – ISSUE 1710 Felix

The Student Newspaper of Imperial College London

NEWS

Heroic Hamzah helps deliver baby at tube station PAGE 3

POLITICS

May's Brexit deal voted down by calamitous margin PAGE 8 "Imperial College sits in the heart of Albertropolis, a part of London which Prince Albert dedicated to educating people through free museums TRAVEL no matter their social status, class or former education... Imperial College's Business School seems to have forgotten its once noble heritage" // FreeImages The Business School made my life hell!

LISBON - is the NEWS an experience which excitement at new pros- she ran into problems with very bold, very brazen; she describes as “tanta- pects and end the year, still the people in her syndicate all these kind of things hype real? Andy Djaba mount to discrimination unable to function correct- group. In an interview which, societally, are Editor-in-Chief against people with ly, even on medication, with Felix, Amy stated, more accepted in men or PAGE 30 mental health problems under psychiatric care and “generally speaking, there expected of men and so, and those who are gen- in therapy, suffering from were just problems, I felt, when I exhibited those be- der non-conforming.” hypersomnia, migraines, with emotional immatu- havioural traits within our Former Business Amy Freelander, who generalised anxiety dis- rity of the cohort and the group, both in the larger SPORT School student, Amy works full time as a tech order and severe clinical syndicate groups”. Amy, cohort and within smaller Freelander, recounts manager at Google, was depression.” who describes herself as groups, I was very much enrolled on Imperial The course is struc- sitting “in the non-binary rejected for that.” For her Imperial ordeal College Business School’s tured such that students area” since she doesn’t Amy, this begs the further Online Global MBA in are placed in syndicate “actually 100% identify question: “Why was I January 2018. However, groups of about five or six as female”, felt that she called aggressive just n ex-Imperial following what she has per group. Students then was bullied and discrimi- for raising issues? Was it student has described as “discrimina- work together with their nated against because she because people thought I reached out tion by 1000 cuts”, Amy syndicate group and pro- has “a lot of personality was a woman?” ICXCAC begin to Felix to withdrew from the course gress through the course, traits that people would Amy noticed further 2019 with Ashare the experience in May. keeping the same syndi- associate with men.” issues surrounding Shropshire tour she had last year with “I started the year well, cate group throughout. “People would say equality, diversity and the Business School; full of confidence and Unfortunately for Amy, that I was aggressive, Cont. pg 4 PAGE 32 FR IDAY, 11TH JANUARY, 2018 FELIX FELIX ISSUE 1710

EDITORIAL NEWS [email protected] CONTENTS EDITORIAL 2 THE BAG! Imperial College Chemistry students to be offered NEWS 3-5 jaba – Felix brother, you might be The Felix Team y D Ed cooking classes next autumn COMMENT 6-7 he worst part d ito wondering why the title An r Editor-in-Chief about having of this editorial is "THE Andy Djaba POLITICS 8 a New Year's BAG!". One resolution • Resolution is the that my brother started in Deputy Editor NEWS as the module is also Chemistry is developing growth and supportive SCIENCE 9-10 Tinevitable disappointment 2019 was to relentlessly Joanna Wormald called, aims to introduce this unconventional behaviour," he said. when you eventually flop. pursue the bag this year. • Isabelle Zhang students to laboratory module in collaboration The techniques covered BOOKS 11 I managed to last a grand Everyday he snaps me or News Editors News Writer skills and practical experi- with Jozef Youssef from by The Chemical Kitchen total of 17 days before Joanna Wormald messages me to remind Frank Leggett ence via a more approach- the Basque Culinary were tested out by an MUSIC 12 flopping every single me to remain focused on • able and unconventional Centre. Youssef is the alumna from the De- one of my resolutions. our goal. He also reminds Politics Editors method. Lesson plans will founder of Kitchen partment of Chemistry, ARTS 13-15 It was all going so well. me that I must be a "flipper Avirup Banerjee The Department of cover traditional cooking Theory, a gastronomy Katerina Stavri. She said: Unfortunately, It is now and tumbler of the bag, Divyen Vanniasegaram Chemistry will pilot techniques as well as experience design lab, and “This great initiative will FILM 18 17th January and I've only never the fumbler". These Juan Rubio Gorrochategui a new module, The methods such as “spher- has had years of experi- provide a fun, non-threat- Imperial College alumna Katerina Stavri and chef Jozef been to the gym once in new age proverbs are ones • ification” (think tapioca ence at Michelin star res- ening chemistry 'laborato- Youssef // Geoff Pugh for The Telegraph GAMES 19-22 2019, I haven't touched to live by so shoutout my Comment Editors Chemical Kitchen, for pearls in bubble tea). taurants such as The Fat ry' for first year students nd Aida Manzano Kharman first years a book since 2 January bro! He's a clown but he's Charlie Titmuss This trial module is Duck. His work intensely allowing them to gain their studies," she added. as far-fetched as it seems. FOOD 23 and it is currently after my clown init. • part of a “Techniques analyses how our senses practical experience in Alan Spivey, Assistant Cooking an egg can 11pm and I am writing my Also, quick shoutout Science Editors Bootcamp” that first year influence our dining ex- a non-competitive envi- Provost (Learning & exemplify how proteins SUSTAINABILITY 24 editorial. I'm especially to Hamzah Selim! You Rosie Dutt hether or chemists will attend in perience. For example, he ronment. There are a lot Teaching), said: “Whether are denatured by heat. disappointed in myself can read about his heroics Eyad Abuelgasim not you are groups of eight, brought investigates how colours of similarities between you want to be a chemist A simple baking lesson INVESTMENT 25 because today was going on page three but my Henry Alman a chem- about by the ongoing and symmetry can affect a chemistry laboratory or a chef, skills such as would expose students to so well but, as per usual, old football teammate Sânziana Foia ist, you curriculum review of all the perception and enjoy- and an experimental meticulous planning and concepts of fermentation, HANGMAN 28-29 • the procrstination crept in. at snail's pace. My hope defeat that embarrassing managed to keep the un- Tech Editor Wdefinitely have some Imperial College under- ment of food. kitchen; from thoroughly detailed observation and temperature, and humid- New year, same me... is, through sharing stories since Arsenal got smacked diagnosed Marfan's at bay Krithika Balaji experience with react- graduate teaching. Another member of recording observations to recording are vital. The ity. TRAVEL 30 This week's issue of such as these and articles 6-0 by Chelsea at the for long enough to deliver Haaris Asghar ing chemicals – in the The sessions will train the development team is maintaining a clean and plan is to encourage safe Culinary science and Felix sadly comes with such as the "supervision Bridge. Brazil's humbling a baby on a tube station. • kitchen. On a molecular students how to document Roger Kneebone, Profes- tidy work-space, students experimental practice, chemistry also overlap in PUZZLES 31 a somewhat harrowing stories" included in the at the hands of Germany What a hero! Arts Editors level, cooking is simply practical work, observa- sor of Surgical Education will have the opportunity practical reproducibility terms of apparatus. Chefs front page News story. It's monthly Postgraduate at the 2014 World Cup I'm really struggling Claire Chan chemistry. The Imperial tion skills and dexterity, and Engagement Science. to gain, practice and and appreciation of the are increasingly using sci- SPORTS 32 unfortunate that stories section (run in conjunc- is a close second. I rate to ramble today. Why are Helen Money-Kyrle College London De- achieving consistent He believes the benefits enhance skills needed in often-overlooked paral- entific equipment in their of this ilk are not at all tion with the Graduate Theresa May for her you still reading? Don't Vaishnavi Gnanananthan partment of Chemistry results, and executing will extend beyond culi- the lab in an interdiscipli- lels between the practice kitchens: centrifuges can Felix Office • Beit Quad, Prince Consort uncommon at this univer- Students' Union), through resilience; I've never seen you have coursework or Books Editors agrees, and will be written directions. The nary and chemistry. “The nary setting. of chemistry and myriad be used to extract the oil Road sity. This role has afforded Felix, we will be able someone get up from the something better to be advancing this notion Department hopes that Chemical Kitchen will “A Chemical Kitchen other activities which from a puree; rotary evap- London, SW7 2BB JJ Cheng me the opportunity to to hold the College and canvas with the count at doing? Anyway, Section • by introducing a new students will become encourage social cohesion requires creativity and require manual dexterity orators can concentrate Tel: 020 79548072 speak to a range of people Union to account. This "nine" so many times.On of the Week for this Music Editors module: “Introduction accustomed to complex, amongst intuition in the same way so as to inspire our stu- mixtures to strengthen Email: [email protected] with different opinions can affect real, substantial Tuesday night, my brother week goes to Games. The Simran Kukran of Culinary Practices” practical tasks, and will students, developing as research labs; this lab dents to excel as experi- flavor; sonic homoge- felixonline.co.uk about the university. change at Imperial and messaged me asking, Games section returns Adrian LaMoury for first year under- develop ordered and a sense of collegiality serves as a great stepping mental scientists.” nizers can be useful in @feliximperial However, it is worrying hopefully result in stories "wagwan with this country with a bang; a four page Henry Eshbaugh graduates who enter in systematic approaches to rather than competition stone for young chemists The connection tenderizing meat. Asad Raja Printed by Mortons Media how prevalent the senti- complaining about mis- bro? Are we Brexiting or extravaganza which even autumn 2019. them. within a safe environment who will join research between cooking and lab- Group, Boston Road, • Horncastle, Lincolnshire ments expressed in Amy treatment at the hands of nah?" To which I could proved enough to thwart Film Editors The Chemical Kitchen, The Department of that encourages personal groups in later years of oratory chemistry is not Freelander's article are the university becoming a only respond, "they seem the mighty Arts section! Registered Newspaper Mikhail Demtchenko ISSN 1040-0711 amongst Imperial's staff thing of the past. to be playing some twisted Congrats lads! Sung Soo Moon and student population. On a lighter note, game of 'Deal or No Deal' Aidan Chan Copyright (c) Felix 2017 I remain optimistic that T-May lost her Brexit bro, who knows..." • things are changing, albeit vote. I haven't seen a Speaking of my Investment Editor Tom Alston • Heroic Hamzah helps deliver baby at tube station Food Editors Eva Tadros Julia Dąbrowska • Imperial alumnus, Hamzah Selim, came to a woman's aid after hearing her cries at Warren Street station Felix is recruiting! Travel Editor Joana Correia • NEWS in 2018 with a BSc in to help because it looked ward kicked in: “it was she was going into labour Puzzles Editors Biomedical Science and like she was about to just instinct”. shortly before 2pm. She Lorenzo Silvestri Lisa Hey Andy Djaba now studies at University faint”, told Hamzah of The mother had been also told Hamzah she had • Editor-in-Chief College London, was on the experience. When he given birth to three other Sports Editor his way home following reached her, he realised children. Imraj Singh an anatomy lecture on the the mother was in labour “I knew I had it Paramedics arrived Fergus Johnson afternoon of Tuesday 15th and the “baby was 50% minutes after the boy was • irst year medical January when he heard out already”. Hamzah in my locker!” born and cut the umbil- Copy Editors student, Hamzah two women shouting for then sat the woman down ical cord. The child and Rhidian Thomas Selim, has de- help. Chimdi Igwe and delivered the baby mother were then later We want you – yes, you! We’re looking for writers, photographers, editors, illustrators, report- Jia Qi Tan livered his first He saw the mother boy. shopping with her sister taken to hospital by the Anand Krishnakumar Fbaby - at a tube station. leaning against a wall Hamzah said his train- and decided to take the medics. ers, computer experts and grammar nerds to join our team. No experience needed – we’ll teach Shervin Sabeghi Hamzah, who grad- on the Northern line ing from the time he spent tube after failing to flag Dab on 'em! // Facebook: you everything you need to know. If you’re interested, send us an email on [email protected] uated from Imperial platform. “I went over working on a maternity down a taxi. She realised Hamzah Selim 2 3 FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 FELIX FELIX ISSUE 1710

NEWS [email protected] NEWS [email protected]

suffering and, in many through. When speaking Imperial Business School made my life hell! ways, they just made it to Felix, she mentioned a lot worse. They were “I’ve only today just got fully aware that was being a psychiatrist say that I’m bullied and did nothing to actually now better. It’s NEWS they’re our mothers, itself wasn’t very good at they’d do things but the stop it.” taken all this time for the (cont.) sisters and daughters, of supporting us at all”. vast majority of staff, and Two weeks into the depression to go away and course we love them’… Problems surrounding materials are not where second term, the stress that’s with medication, that’s just nonsense but equality, diversity and in- they should be for an elite built again because “the therapy, everything and I inclusion when lecturers it just further propagates clusion were not the only school.” quality of the teaching had to take three months took it upon themselves to biases that people have.” sources of distress for According to Amy, she materials was just so poor off work because of it address the cohort about Amy. “There were a lot and many of the students again”. The course took aswell so it’s not inconse- gender issues and has told of content issues; things in the cohort were just its toll on Amy and left quential to me”. Felix of “lecturers talking “I just felt they hadn’t been checked, the learning off YouTube, her really ill: When approached in lectures about LGBT+ quality wasn’t very good”, which begs the question, “By that point I was for comment, Professor issues with no under- were really ill- tells Amy of already spot- “how can the Business really suicidal and just Francisco Veloso, Dean of standing of the topics that ting “red flags” within the School justify the cost really depressed and my Imperial College Business they were talking about equipped to one-week induction and of its Global MBA pro- partner and I decided School, said: “We are (confusing transvestism, deal with stuff the pre-induction periods. gramme?” that a major source of committed to providing transgender people, and Besides the fact that Amy said: “They distress was this course. all students with a world- drag queens and calling that includes much of the content was wanted you to pay your There was nothing more class educational experi- them scary and saying from Harvard Business money, take what you’re that I could do, it wasn’t ence, and want everyone that all men have to do EDI” School and there were given. For a lot of stu- going to get any better. in our diverse and global is dress up as women to “lots of mistakes and out- dents, it was because they I wasn’t in a position to community to feel sup- understand them)”. Amy dated content”, Amy also just wanted the Imperial accept the poor quality, ported and respected. also complained about To Amy, the issues noticed “endless material name, they just wanted the Amy hopes to leave "the hurt and pain in 2018" // Linke- I felt that I hadn’t been It would not be appro- “deans not understanding “started moving into the focused on white, cisgen- certificate and this is part dIn: Amy Freelander treated fairly, I felt that priate for us to comment what constitutes offensive territory of a form of dered males”. of the problem. This was asking whether Imperial my reputation within the on specific matters notions to LGBT+ people institutional sexism… in- “A lot of the content also part of the tension College is elite or elitist from the direct opposite cohort had been damaged relating to an individual’s (e.g. telling people that stitutional discrimination” was very much targeted to within the cohort. The and whether the two to the privileged, elitist and also, it got to a point complaint. However they turned other people and Amy claims that, a male perspective. They vast majority of people can be separated. “In an bubble that this course where I felt my integrity we deeply regret if any gay) and arguing with me, even back in the induction gave analogies related to were doing it because ideal world, you’d want seemed to want to protect. was being compromised. student has had a negative as an LGBT+ person, that week, “there was evidence football and F1 and things of Imperial’s reputation. integrity and reputation to And it's not something I I didn’t want to be asso- experience or did not I shouldn't be offended of it”. “They had guest that you could understand They didn’t really care go hand-in-hand but we can stand for.” ciated with the course and receive the support they by what I am offended lecturers come in who how, in the ‘70s that’s so much about the quality all know that reputation Following the problems I didn’t want to propagate expected, and we always by”. Despite having good would call the women what you would accept of what we were being and integrity, there’s not with bullying and issues this elitist mentality of 'it seek to learn and improve. intentions, the lecturers ‘darling’ who would say from a Business school taught.” Other students a direct parallel all the with her syndicate group, doesn’t matter about the We welcome feedback made “a complete mess ‘oh no I’ve got to take this but, in this day and age, in the cohort have tried to time. There should be but Amy decided to contact quality of the course, of from students, and are of it”, leading Amy to question from this lovely it wasn’t good enough. defend this in ways which there isn’t, especially with those in charge of the the teaching etc., it’s all always looking at ways question whether they lady in front, I can’t leave They received a lot of Amy considers “selfish, organisations and institu- course. However, she ran about the name and the we can enhance our pro- received “institutional a damsel in distress’”. complaints.” misguided and unethical, tions that have been going into countless difficulties. brand and the reputation grammes, currently with a support or training to talk Amy found herself asking including arguing that, for many, many years if She grew frustrated with and what people think of particular focus on student about” the topic. the futher question, “what “paying a lot for a course not over centuries. It takes the continued inaction on it outside'”. experience. Our students “My main concern is, does diversity mean to “I know that, means that you should a long time for reputations the part of the Business are instrumental to our there are a lot of people education courses - how work hard, even if this and brands to change, it’s School. Within the first aim of innovating, and on that course who never can you integrate all the on reflection, means teaching yourself not an overnight thing.” two months Amy sent 12 “I never got their insights have driven would have probably voices and ensure things or struggling through e-mails, to which she re- many of the changes ever encountered LGBT are kept respectful?” they have materials because of poor ceived no response. Amy forwarded to being introduced to our people and, because it’s Amy believes that part realised that administration or teach- “They had high recounted: “I was telling programmes. Any stu- a global course as well, of the problem was the ing.” them I was in a lot of any kind of dents who would like to there’s going to be a lot university failed to “set was a mistake” For Amy, the whole staff turnover, emotional distress, please resources that share further suggestions of people that are coming up a good enough, strong reason that she chose don’t ignore this email. It or concerns are always from cultures where it’s enough Imperial culture” Imperial was because which wasn’t just casual stuff, would help welcome to contact me. even illegal to be LGBT. and wonders what the Imperial Business she thought it “implied really was it was ‘I’m hitting crisis We are very proud of Having somebody stand Business School’s Ad- School carry their “elite quality”: “I thought that point, please help!’” support me. our student body, and up and talk from a point missions policy looks at status” with pride and I’d be getting a high contributing It got to the point where look forward to continu- of authority as a lecturer to “ensure diversity and market themselves as one quality of teaching, a Amy then had to escalate I was never ing to work with them to about these things from an that the students entering of the world’s leading high quality of integrity, to their it to the Dean of the asked about maintain and develop our ill-informed manner was a have the right attitudes to universities. In Amy’s when in reality, it’s all Business School because community.” real problem for me.” teamwork and diversity”. opinion, Imperial Busi- just brand, it’s all just problems” she was still receiving my mental After self-researching Amy shared that a Amy also suggests that ness School still has a lot representation. That’s no response. When they and having to fight alone, lecturer “also said some managing diversity should to work on before being all I feel the majority of did finally respond, I had health, it just Amy followed the official other things which, as a be a core syllabus item on worthy of its “elite status” the staff at the Business Amy complains of a Skype call with the complaint procedures "The Business School seems to operate in a bit of a bubble separate from the rest of the College // Imperial College feminist”, she “struggled the MBA course. in the world. School really care about. problems that she felt Course director. didn't come afforded to her, which London with as well”: “People would natural- “There are of course They don’t care about “gave people who had “I think generally up” took six months. Whilst the Business School”. Online Global MBA". In that this is not just my “He said things around, ly come in and exhibit the some faculty members the quality for quality’s come into the course with speaking, all the way her complaints were all Amy recently published this article, Amy gives story. A lot of the things I and didn't get the support ‘Well of course I don’t culture that they were used who you see are trying, or sake, they care about what a certain level of privilege through I was having a substantiated, she was left an article on LinkedIn, a full account, detailing was affected by, affected they needed. Some even want to offend women, to, which was a problem have found themselves in people think about them, even more privilege over lot of problems with them Amy is still dealing “profoundly disappointed titled, "2018, My Year of her version of events. other students too. I know withdrew too- just more I’ve got 2 daughters’. That and it ended up that we all an environment that isn’t which is not the same” other people.” and they just didn’t help with the ramifications of by the contrition, empathy Hell, Thanks to Imperial She added: “I do want other students who have quietly than me!” classic line of ‘because clashed and the university representative of how Amy found herself Amy added: “I come me. They knew that I was the ordeal she suffered and humanity shown by College Business School's to be categorically clear suffered on this course too 5 FELIX ISSUE 1710

COMMENT [email protected]

The last domino to fall One of the last countries in the European Union to not fall victim to the rise of far right parties has joined the club with the rise of the new party Vox.

COMMENT immigration policies, Strongly reminiscent of their proposals include the Emergency Quota Act Aida Manzano prohibiting immigrants of 1921 in the States, their Kharman from ever obtaining legal proposal would prioritise Comment Editor status in Spain were he or Spanish speaking immi- she to enter the country grants and immigrants irregularly, for life. This from countries with ties to means that any immigrant Spain over other countries mongst the entering the country, for of origins and establish seemingly ever example in a dinghy, tight quotas on other na- rising far right would never be able to tionalities. movement in settle in the country, or The final questionable AEurope, despite all the receive any sort of help, proposal on the topic tumultuous events that including medical help. under this section was the have been occurring in This effectively means urge to publish all data on Spain recently, the rise that hot returns would nationality and origin re- of an extreme right party not be illegal. Hot returns garding statistics of crime was not something that is a term describing the in Spain. Under the 14th Spanish and European article of the Spanish con- citizens predicted as hap- stitution, all citizens have pening anytime soon. And Santiago Abascal, leader of Vox // Washington Times “It is the right to no discrimi- yet nonetheless, Vox was program is summed into nation, so publishing this the first party to do so. 100 short bullet points, in place and the federal On a much more imperative data would not only be a Sending shockwaves which they market as their elections that are held, serious note, they violation of privacy, but across the country, the new proposal to “make they wouldn’t have gained followed on with the to raise an also an attempt to scape- elections in Andalucia Spain alive”. any seats in parliament, immediate derogation uncrossable goat different nationalities were the first elections in Immediately their first so it was quite baffling to of the law of “Historic of people living in Spain which Vox managed to point is to take a jab at read a proposal aimed to Memory”. This was a wall between by portraying them as secure their first members the Catalan government, eliminate the very same law put in place to allow criminals. of parliament. Although calling their attempt at a system that allowed them victims of persecution in Spain and Reading through their the left-wing PSOE was referendum a putsch and to even be on the map in the past to be recognised. 100 points for a more the most voted party, the politicians putschists. the first place. Amongst its measures, it Morocco” renovated Spain, all I saw an alliance between the Interesting choice of Another eye-catching allowed their relatives to was a perfect recipe for a right-wing party currently words that I will not proposal was the reclaim- petition for their bodies backwards, xenophobic in power (PP) and Vox, delve into. To solve the ing of Gibraltar. Why, I to be buried with decency practise of returning im- country, much like the one meant that Andalucia was undeniable divide that hear you say? The reason by retrieving them from migrants without carrying we had during Franco’s governed by a right-wing exists between Catalans is uncertain, but what is mass graves, it prohibited out the legally established dictatorship. Why would alliance for the first time and the rest of the Spanish for sure is that the general public symbolism of procedures or meeting the anyone vote for these in 36 years. citizens, they proposed to secretary of Vox, Jose Franco’s fascist dictator- internationally acknowl- reforms? Is it that easy for But in what does Vox remove the current federal Ortega, can tell you all ship and recognised that edged guarantees to their us to forget how damaging believe? And more impor- government that has been about his great odyssey in sentences under Franco’s country of origin. Images, it was for Spain when the tantly, why are Spanish in place since the signing 2016, when he swam, yes regime were unjust witnesses and other outlook was extremism, citizens voting for them? of the Spanish Consti- you read correctly, swam, and prejudiced against numerous sources with black and white division As one would do to find tution of 1978. There is all the way to Gibraltar, non-fascists. evidential value accredit and complete disregard out more about this new no hint at dialogue to try and climbed to the top But Vox is a well-round- such practices in the cities for dialogue? Are we sure party’s proposals, I began to understand where the of a mountain to place a ed party, not only drawing of Ceuta and Melilla and we really want history to reading through its official discontent in Cataluña is Spanish flag on its peak. In inspiration from the the small islands under repeat itself in that way? electoral program. What coming from, and instead, fact, he recounts this great fascist past, but also Spanish sovereignty. It is What is certain is that I read truly worried me. their solution is, well, epic in such a theatrical keeping up to date with a practise that has been no attempts to derogate Although it is not unusual you can’t have conflict way that its almost hard Trump-ist latest tenden- deemed illegal by both our historic memory will for political parties to con- between the federal states to believe that he’s being cies. Apparently in Vox’s European Court of Human definitely not erase the tradict themselves these if you just get rid of the serious. If you feel like eyes, it is also imperative Rights and the United mistakes of our fascist days, these claims were federal states. One perhaps grabbing some popcorn to raise an uncrossable Nations. past, and I would much at points so contradictory key aspect that might have and hearing the tale of this wall between Ceuta and But perhaps the rather learn from them it was almost amusing, if missed Vox’s final review great Spanish hero, please Melilla (Spanish cities most worrying measure than to repeat them. it weren’t for the fact that of their program was don’t hesitate to read his in north Africa) and proposed on the topic of their aim is to actually that, were it not for the interviews on the incident. Morocco. immigration, is the notion govern Spain. Their federal system currently Truly some great content. In regards to their of nationality quotas. 6 FELIX ISSUE 1710

COMMENT [email protected] Meat-free Mondays: are they okay?

An anonymous comment writer thinks that all the fuss about meat free Mondays is overblown.

COMMENT of meat free Mondays so tion is tied to cancer risk. Perhaps if it weren’t for face it: you live in a as this. If you need help far (of which there will Nor is it the IPCC envi- the incessant muddying society. We all live on the changing, I’m here to Anonymous have been only two by ronmental scientists’ fault, of waters with regards to same dying blue dot. My help. If you’re unwilling Comment Writer this newspaper’s release) despite the demonstrably infringement of personal not eating meat means to change, it makes no it’s that many people are high impact of animal freedoms and social sense for everyone else to angry. Many students agriculture on climate responsibility, as found sit around and watch you What possible change perhaps understandably change which, it may be in the American question “We need mess things up for the rest on campus this new year feel that their lifestyle and worth remembering, is of guns as well as other of us. You need to change could spur so many people identity is under attack. something we need to endless political debates, societal as much as anyone else. to respond with anger? Less understandable is solve soon before we leave then it might be easier So, are meat free What possible subject, re- how eating meat is so key our planet uninhabitable to tolerate people being change to Mondays okay? Well, quiring no effort on most to their identity, and even for the next generation. so pathetically whiny save the dying they’re the smallest step anyone’s part could cause less intelligible is how No. It is clearly the vegans about meat free Mondays. in the right direction that hordes to descend upon one or at most two meals who are at fault. The Unfortunately, eating less blue dot we we should be happy to Imperial’s most popular without meat a week con- vegans must be in control, meat isn’t just a question support. It’s one meal a social media platform at stitutes an attack on said because why else would of personal preference or inhabit” week, people, and it’s Imperial College Exposed senseless identity. there be no meat nor dairy how much you’re willing only pescatarian. What’s to express their outrage? The second thing that nor fish on campus on to do for the environment. not okay is how pathetic Of course, it’s reducing has become clear is that Mondays. Except there’s It’s not enough anymore, and incapable some how much meat we eat. this is apparently the fault still fish. And all the dairy. if it ever was, for some nothing if you keep doing people seem to be when Of course. of “the vegans”. Not the And sandwiches aren’t people to stop eating meat all the clearly harmful presented with vegetarian If anything has been WHO’s, who have clearly even included in meat free once a week. We need things to environment food. made clear by the trial stated that meat consump- Mondays. societal change because, that are as easy to solve A travesty has occured at Imperial

Meat-free Mondays are an assault on everything that we hold dear at Imperial: unethical consumption under capitalism.

COMMENT sandal-wearing tree-hug- mandate to rule on what I sentiment. I personally a bunch of hypocrites. manently with no chance gers have moved from believe in climate change, Are they not all addicted of it being subject to the Grumpy Bastard being shunned at the but I believe that people to the most unhealthy, same sanctions. Comment Writer edges of society to having “Why are the undersell the potential diabetes inducing food In summary, as much enough power to manip- benefits. For one thing it of all- sugar? Sugar is as I can no longer get an ulate what I can eat for treehuggers may get warmer and for erection without looking he vegetarians, or lunch? Much like other another, it might drown all at the portrait of the vegans or what- extreme political ideol- now able to those pesky tax havens. I “Global queen, why is it that the ever powerful ogies that emerge from manipulate believe it is my personal veggie extremists cannot fruit- and veg- the shadows to oppress us duty to stimulate as much warming comprehend that I cannot Tbased cult that apparently normal-red blooded meat what I can demand as possible for bring myself to eat unless runs this university has lovers, the animal friends that aim alone. That alone might mean I know that a semi-sen- struck again. If you, like convention has risen up. have for would be worth it, not that we can tient animal has suffered? myself, are a carnivore Now is the winter of our withstanding the joy of Something must die for innocently minding discontent. lunch?” eating a juicy steak. drown tax me to live. And preferably your own business, you How is it that the veg- Some argue that this that thing should be pink will have run into the etable slime can impose approach is about making havens” and squealing. And not a horror that is meat-free their will upon us. Some put in my mouth as a part us healthier and happier as child. Mondays. How is it that of them make the claim of reducing emissions. In a result of giving up meat these green-fingered that the Union has the general I agree with that for a day a week. What sold around campus per- 7 FELIX ISSUE 1710

POLITICS [email protected] May’s Brexit deal voted down by calamitous margin

Theresa May’s deal has been soundly rejected by Parliament. She has wilfully plunged this country into crisis. POLITICS

Divyen Vanniasegaram May has dithered, wasted whether to back a second Politics Editor time and kicked the can referendum and deliver down the road, putting a Brexit that would be the interests of her party most palatable to his party heresa May lost ahead of the country. She members. Once Brexit the vote on her has been the architect of happens, things may well Withdrawal deal the constitutional crisis become easier for Corbyn. by 230 votes, and between Parliament and Pro-EU Labour members Tshe only has herself to the government. MPs have and MPs will gain far blame. This defeat was an resorted to Parliamentary less traction in calls for a inevitable consequence of guerrilla warfare, passing second referendum with the incompetent way she motions and amendments the wider public once has handled Brexit. to seize control from the the issue appears settled. Theresa May’s government over Brexit in Corbyn can then focus on problems are profound the absence of any leader- his attention on bashing and difficult to solve but ship or solutions from the the Tories over cuts and she gave herself no chance government. Our system the NHS, certainly more at all by her approach to was never designed for natural territory for him. Brexit. She has consist- this. Brexit has been fasci- ently treated Brexit as an It’s promising that exercise in party manage- Theresa May has agreed “Corbyn is ment between the Brex- to meet with the leaders iteers and her pro-remain of other parties to find a acting purely MPs rather than as the way forward and signals defining issue of the day. that she may compromise for political This was never going to towards a soft Brexit, work, and any deal would highlighting the waste interest to have required some level of time everything up avoid the of cross-party support to this point. Given that to pass the House of other leaders have met tough choices Commons. Theresa May with Theresa May, it’s has the sublime ability to disappointing that Corbyn he faced” pretend and act as if she has so far not taken part in has a massive majority these meetings. It would nating to follow and will when this is simply not Theresa May // Wikimedia appear to be solely a continue to deliver. We the case. The numbers are political decision to avoid are entering a new stage of simply not in her favour, cross-party support for a will lose with remain MPs What the country needs making any tough deci- this process, and anyone and she should have spent deal. The one move these also prepared to go to is a Prime Minister with sions himself and to not would be a fool for confi- this time reaching con- Tory Brexiteers have left extraordinary lengths to the confidence to stand appear to be supporting dently calling the outcome sensus within Parliament is to leave the party and prevent a no deal Brexit. against those in her own the government and the now. Any one of no deal, for a deal that she could vote against her in a vote If the rest of Parliament is party who are Brexit Conservatives. May will a referendum or a new have then taken to the EU of no confidence. What able to work together then ideologues who would in need to give up several of deal could still happen. A as the starting point for would happen afterwards the Brexiteer cause will be all likelihood be unhappy her red lines and bargain- referendum feels unlikely negotiations. This is not though? A general election dead in the water. with any deal. Doing so ing chips including no as it will not happen with new information, as this where they wouldn’t stand even at the risk of splitting deal if she is to make any May as Prime Minister has been evident since her a chance of winning and “May has put the Conservative party. progress in talks with op- and if one thing has been botched 2017 election. the outcome would be This kind of split would position leaders anyway. consistent over the last This approach is un- in all likelihood a softer the interests be the first of its kind since By taking part in the talks few years is her steadfast- acceptable to fanatical Brexit. The only reason of the Peel in the 19th century, Labour and the other ness. No deal shouldn’t Brexiteers, but their the Brexiteers are happy but the Conservative opposition parties stand happen if Parliament gets power is overstated. They at this point is because if Conservative party survived and would a much better chance of its act together aided by didn’t have the numbers Parliament cannot agree ultimately survive another pushing Theresa May the Speaker leaving some to topple Theresa May in on anything then the Party ahead split. This reckoning has towards a soft Brexit with kind of soft deal as the a vote of no confidence in UK leaves on no deal been on the horizon since a customs union. This most likely outcome. her as leader of the party, terms. This is a game of of the Brexit happened. Time could be a great opportu- and they certainly would high stakes poker, but country’s” and time again rather nity for Corbyn to doge the be powerless in the face of ultimately the Brexiteers than facing this head on, ever-present problem of 8 FELIX ISSUE 1710

SCIENCE [email protected]

Botox injections result in temporary flaccid muscle paralysis // Flickr Facing the facts: Botulinum toxin in aesthetic medicine

With more than 3.5 million botulinum toxin procedures worldwide in 2014, the global botulinum toxin market is currently worth £3 billion and is expected to grow 7.2% each year

SCIENCE and photo-editing, but proteins, disrupting the – incorrect injection tech- sometimes this can be “Incorrect assembly of the synaptic nique can cause problems Maya Kaushik because the celebrity has fusion complex, and such as eyelid ptosis (a Science Writer had a cosmetic treatment, injection thereby blocking achetyl- drooping eyelid). such as botulinum toxin choline release. Botulinum toxin has injection. technique Several clinical trials medical and therapeutic Botulinum toxin works can cause have been conducted uses outside of aesthetics, ick up a glossy by disrupting the normal on botulinum toxin for including muscle spas- magazine to check release of acetylcholine in problems such aesthetic use, mainly for ticity, strabismus, and out the latest motor neurons, resulting frown lines and crow’s improper eye alignment. gossip around in a temporary flaccid as eyelid ptosis feet. Botulinum toxin Many types and brands Pyour favourite Hollywood muscle paralysis. Normal is also used for lateral of botulinum toxin are A-list celebrity, and you release of acetylcholine (a drooping eyebrow lifts, ‘bunny now available in several may notice that many at the neuromuscular eyelid)” lines’, and ‘gummy countries worldwide. of them have seemingly junction is mediated by a smile’, among others. People have a range of flawless faces, lacking the synaptic fusion complex, Much of the safe use of psychological, cultural frown lines and crow’s which is made up of a botulinum toxin is based and social reasons for feet that you might expect set of proteins known as the synaptic cleft and then on the physician’s injec- choosing botulinum toxin to see in someone of SNARE proteins. After bound by receptors on the tion technique, which is as an aesthetic treatment, Several clinical trials have their age. Sometimes this membrane fusion, acetyl- muscle cell. Botulinum often personal and based in our increasingly im- been conducted on botox is down to airbrushing choline is released into toxin cleaves the SNARE on clinical experience age-conscious world. // Flickr 9 FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 FELIX

SCIENCE [email protected] Mother’s smoking during pregnancy changes baby’s DNA

SCIENCE show for the first time Professor Jarvelin how it impacts on the added: “These findings Eyad Abuelgasim development of disease are important for health Science Editor through life and how policy makers to further smoking during pregnan- draw attention towards cy damages the baby’s increasing awareness DNA in the womb without on smoking cessation moking in preg- changing the genetic programs and for better nancy damages ‘code’ itself. prevention strategies in an unborn baby’s Instead, smoking can maternity clinics and DNA – increasing add or remove chemical health centres.” Sits risk of smoking-related groups attached to the Her team focused on conditions in adulthood outside of the DNA – methylation of a gene and a premature death, called ‘epigenetic’ tags, called GFI1, known to be new research has found. like chemical sticky notes, linked with smoking. The study serves as through a process called Using data from 22 a caution for mother DNA methylation. These population-based studies smokers, more than half changes can alter how from Europe, the US of whom continue during certain regions of DNA and Australia, the team pregnancy, say scientists. are read and copied, so looked at the link between Mother’s smoking affect the activity of key maternal smoking and changes chemicals in their genes. epigenetic changes in a baby that turn genes on “Our study shows number of regions of the or off – making the baby compelling evidence that gene. prone to illnesses seen in changes in epigenetic They identified lower adult smokers. markers may persist over DNA methylation of GFI1 the lifetime of an indi- in those who smoked or vidual,” said Professor whose mother smoked “The study Marjo-Riitta Jarvelin, while they were pregnant. from Imperial’s School of serves as Public Health, and who led the research group. “Exposure a caution Smoking during preg- for mother nancy can lead to prema- to cigarette ture birth and low birth smokers, weight, as well as predis- smoking in posing the child to higher the womb more than risk for cardio-metabolic risk factors in later life. ultimately half of whom But the exact mecha- continue nisms underlying these increases a longer-term effects were during unclear. person’s risk Yet despite the known for a range pregnancy” risks, it is estimated 53% of women who smoke of health daily continue to smoke Pregnant woman smoking outside London hospital // Wikimedia Known as ‘epigenetic during pregnancy. conditions in tags’ these changes can range of health conditions emerging smoking smoking exposure and lead to obesity, cardiovas- adulthood” in adulthood, including epigenetic markers with disease risk. But the size cular disease, diabetes and “Smoking diabetes, heart disease and downstream detrimental of the effect is unclear. cancer. stroke. health outcomes.” The team now The study, led by sci- during According to the Priyanka Parmar from Cigarette smoking hopes to explore more entists at Imperial College researchers, these epige- the University of Oulu, accounts for an estimated genetic regions linked London and the Univer- pregnancy netic changes are associ- said: “Such epigenetic six million deaths each with maternal smoking sity of Oulu in Finland, can lead to ated with increased body loci might serve as ob- year and even former exposure and disease risk. analysed data from more mass index (BMI), blood jective biomarkers of past smokers are at long-term Their work focused on than 18,000 people across premature pressure and blood lipids environmental exposures risk of cardiovascular just six genetic markers the world – including the levels in adulthood. that could be used for pre- diseases, lung cancer and out of a potential 6,000. UK, US and Australia. birth and low This means exposure to ventive health measures. stroke. Their findings pub- cigarette smoking in the This discovery provides The study highlights lished in the Lancet’s birth weight” womb ultimately increas- a strong foundation for an underlying epigenetic journal EBioMedicine es a person’s risk for a further work to unravel component for maternal 10 FELIX ISSUE 1710

BOOKS [email protected] Death Register: a review

Death Register is a book about growing up in Montego Bay, Jamaica. I enjoyed the book but hated every single character in it.

BOOKS These different factors at the trial rejecting gay effectively demonstrated that would be far easier to boyfriend. She is possibly drive resentment between rights as incompatible by the author’s writing empathise with. one of the only characters the two, in addition to the with human rights. All in and, instead of leaving me That does not mean in the book that I liked Charles Titmuss struggle that Chauncey all, pretty fucked. with a sense of sadness at to say that this is a not a and I found some of the Comment Editor feels when it comes to There are other impor- this unrequited affection, I book you should read. It dialogue written for her accepting his friend’s tant themes throughout the felt absolutely nothing. exposed me to a degree on misogyny to be rather homosexuality. book, such as the conflict I didn’t really em- of toxic masculinity that wonderful. The men and boys between the wealthy and pathise with either – or absolutely made me un- Overall, Death Register throughout this novel the poor. Homeless people indeed any – of the comfortable and consider is a book that I was not are portrayed in a mostly are ruthlessly exploited by characters. They all felt my own behaviour. The ready for. Although I was negative light due to the the wealthy for sex, with almost entirely flawed, innovative style by which aware of the degree of author’s interpretation homeless men engaging in tied together by a series Chauncey both experienc- homophobia present in of toxic masculinity in sex acts with the local big of events that seemed to es and writes about events Jamaica, I was unaware Jamaica, to the point where men and women working emerge out of the smog in the book is interesting of the extent. I must the main characters are in the aforementioned of the narrative. It felt and exposes more of also admit that I found fundamentally unlikeable. brothels. like, in trying to portray the character without the portrayal of the Fathers beat their sons The ending of the book Jamaica in its entirety, engaging in prolonged character’s life and their with the flats of machetes; was mostly lacklustre. the author brought much internal monologues. attitudes towards women the sons are all revolting Tristan is shot by corrupt of what should have been It is a rich portrayal of very much at odds with perverts, misogynists police officers as a result background into the fore- a Jamaican city in the my own worldview and and bullies and the main of his involvement with ground. The plot lurched 90s and contains some experiences. That being character has a penchant a drugs gang. Chauncey from event to event and profound sections and said I think that this book Death Register is a for both writing about reflects on his relationship the characters then failed characters. The strong- raises important questions novel outside my literary and employing sexual with Tristan and admits to react in a believable est example of this is about masculinity in comfort zone. It follows violence against his girl- that he was not entirely manner. I felt like the Chancey’s Aunt. Although Jamaica and masculinity the formative years of friend. I’m beginning to honest with himself or his story would be much more beautiful, intelligent and in general. It probably Chauncey Knuckle and his feel a little exhausted with friend as he loved him. I interesting were it written compassionate, she is was not really suited for group of friends, growing this particular character never really felt that this from Tristan’s perspec- barren and as a result a sheltered white boy like up in the city of Montego trope; if mums can get degree of affection was tive, as he is a character has settled for an abusive myself. Bay. It explores their off to the idea of a rapey relationships with their man then maybe it’s about peers, their families and time we did away with their teachers against the this stereotype to avoid intensely homophobic and making characters into patriarchal background of unintentional parodies of Jamaica in the 90s. Christian Grey. Chauncey’s story is One of the key themes directly driven by the in this book is intoler- conflict between himself ance of homosexuality. and his best friend Tristan. Words like “battybwoy” Tristan is a homosexual and phrases such as “no- and, while working homo” crop up all over together, Chauncey the dialogue. The climax witnesses him being of the book, or at least one sexually abused by their of the climaxes, occurs as employer. Chauncey fails a result of Tristan being to do anything, either to caught having sex with report the incident or to one of the male school- intervene on his friend’s masters. He is beaten behalf, which Tristan up and then referred to a is aware of. Tristan and cultish schoolboy secret Chauncey also experience society that passes judge- direct academic rivalry ment on such matters. He at the elite private school is tried in absentia and that they have attained expelled from the school. scholarships to. Chauncey Anyone associated with excels as a writer, but him is ostracised from struggles with mathemat- their peers, save one of his ics, while Tristan is nat- friends that is alleged to urally gifted in this field. be gay but makes a speech Jamaica – looks pretty // Flickr 11 FELIX ISSUE 1710

MUSIC [email protected] The man who shocked the world Three years on from the death of music icon David Bowie, Felix pays tribute by ruminating on some of the more overlooked tracks from his magnificent and eclectic career.

MUSIC characters, and many this is Marilyn Manson’s its release that he had no more, as every single fan favourite song of all time. recollection whatsoever of Juan Rubio had a different element the recording and produc- Gorrochategui of his persona attached to ‘Five Years’ (1972) tion process, his cocaine Politics Editor them. addiction becoming so To pay him homage in What to say of this consuming that he regu- hree years ago the best way I can think great opener? A perfect larly stored his urine in the last week, David of, I have selected a list introduction to the glam fridge, for fear of witches Robert Jones of his most underrated rock era symbolised by stealing it. The occultist passed away at compositions, in chron- his alter ego, the flamboy- tones of the title track Tthe age of 69. I remember ological order. Listen to ant Ziggy Stardust, ‘Five are further explored in it perfectly, as it was the them, and you will be able Years’ tells the story of ‘Word on a Wing’, a song day I had my first exam understand why the innu- a man that finds out that marked with references as an Imperial undergrad- merable masks he put on the world will end in the to religion and crises of uate. The night before were just that, masks. And eponymous time, leading faith that arose every time I had been listening to behind them remained him to ponder about his Bowie awakened from his Blackstar, the surprise a hidden, even more so- life. Overshadowed by drug induced delirium. avant-garde album that phisticated personality, an some of the best and most The angelical chorus that he had released only two expert on dozens of fields, famous songs of his career closes the composition days earlier, and I was still ranging from Kabbalistic (‘Starman’, ‘Suffragette provides a strong contrast mesmerised by its dark occultism to American City’, ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll to the actual state of mind tones and the raspiness politics. A deep knowl- Suicide,’ and ‘Moonage of the performer. of his aged voice. Tired, edge that allowed him Daydream’, to name a stressed, and a little bit to become the man who few), its final guitar solo ‘Subterraneans’ depressed by the sheer shocked the world. by Mick Ronson fore- (1977) bleakness of the record, shadowed the wonders I went to bed, hoping for ‘Cygnet Committee’ that of the album that Move one year into a good sleep to ensure a (1969) would soon follow. the future, and you would Chameleon, comedian, Corinthian and caricature // clear head the following find an entirely different Wikimedia day. I awoke to a news Hidden in Space ‘Lady Grinning Soul’ Bowie. Transplanted from alert on my phone, fol- Oddity, the record that (1973) LA to Berlin to end his explored in his next obscurity of the 90s and lowed by a sudden kick brought him to fame with addiction once for all, album, Lodger. It has 00s, Bowie returned to the in the stomach as my half- its unforgettable title One of Bowie’s many the mostly instrumental been unfairly panned as spotlight with a surprise asleep brain processed the track, ‘Cygnet Committee’ talents was his ability to songs of Low capture the out of tone with the rest of album that meditated on information displayed on narrates with melancholic find collaborators who admission of defeat of the album, but it provides both his life achievements the screen. My idol was tone the disappointment could enhance and elevate a man that had hit rock a great transition to the and memories, and his dead. that follows the success his songs to a superior bottom, and musically styles that Bowie would latest obsessions. Val- But he was not the only of most revolutions, in level. That is the case serve as precursors to the fully fledge on later years. entine’s Day is the latter, person that passed away no doubt inspired by his of virtuoso pianist Mike synth and funk of the 80s. narrating the story of a that day. Throughout recent experiences with Garson, who started a The closing track of the ‘Waterloo Sunset’ teenaged mass shooter in his life, he had as many the hippy-run Becken- decades long association record, ‘Subterraneans’ (2003) suburban America. avatars as a Greek god, ham Arts Lab. At over with Bowie in this album. gloomy melodies in stark and indeed sometimes it nine minutes, it remains The masterful piano contrast to its delicate A cover may be a ‘I Can’t Give seemed that he had been Bowie’s third longest song entrance combines per- sax solos that evoke past, strange choice for this list, Everything Away’ sent from an otherworldly in his entire discography. fectly with Bowie’s silky happier times. It is sup- but Bowie’s version of (2016) realm by a mysterious voice in this love ballad. posedly dedicated to the the classic Kinks anthem higher power to marvel us. ‘Quicksand’ (1971) It has been called “the people living East of the manages to surpass the How to define Black- He was a young beatnik Bond theme that Bowie Berlin Wall, whose suf- original. Its rockier tone star? A magnus opus that from South London that The guitars provide never did”, as its lyrics fering was only increased showed that the swinging became even more defin- looked for abandoned lightness to this ballad and melody fit nicely with by the festive memories London of the 60s had itive when Bowie passed Afghan fur coats in the that shows off Bowie´s the atmosphere of Roger of belle-epoque Weimar become a truly global city away two days after its dumpsters of Carnaby profound understanding Moore’s 007 era. Germany. by the late 90s, serving as release. This song is the Street. An androgynous of the esoteric. With an update the most iconic last album track of his alien that performed fake references to occultist ‘Word on a Wing’ ‘The Secret Life of song ever written about century spanning career. fellatios on his onstage Aleister Crowley and (1976) Arabia’ (1977) Londinium. Its message of calm bandmates. A European Nietzschean philosophy, despair before the una- aristocrat with fascist the song explores themes Station to Station is a Another great ending ‘Valentine’s Day’ voidable end will always inclinations triggered by that would be further monument to insanity. track, this song combines (2013) resonate with anyone with a diet of milk, peppers, developed in his future The culmination of his Bowie’s famous falsetto half a heart. Truly the and massive amounts of album Station to Station. Thin White Duke period, with the African rhythms After the superstardom most emotional swansong cocaine. He was all those It is not surprising that he admitted decades after that would be further of the 80s and relative ever recorded. 12 FELIX ISSUE 1710

ARTS [email protected] Jonny Woo’s All-Star Brexit Cabaret

Saving the stage glitz and glamour for his costumes, Jonny Woo’s All-Star Brexit Cabaret is a hit

ARTS Before the show even debate and how the public trio of backup singers in a started I had a good feeling reacted to the results. Now political rendition of “The about it, as I walked into something I absolutely Three Little Pigs”, as well the theatre to see stalls to loved about the production as Le Gateau Chocolat’s Where? London Coliseum the left and right of the is how it remained neutral performance as Nigel When? Was on 17th Dec stage filled with Theresa by taking an equal number Farage in a magnificent How Much? From £20 May look-alikes. Even- of jabs at both sides, opera style performance. tually the curtains rose to with remainers being With all the turmoil Connor Winzar reveal Richard Thomas portrayed as exaggerated that is Brexit deal ne- Arts Writer on the piano, while Sooz weed- smoking hipsters gotiations, Jonny Woo’s Kempner, Adam Perchard and leavers portrayed as All-Star Brexit Cabaret and Kevin Davie sang a right-wing racists; with presents the painful comical, overly dramatic this, an absurd balance chronology of events in or one glorious introduction to the show. was achieved. a fantastically comedic night, the creative Suddenly Jonny Woo When it comes to style, along with gorgeous mind of Jonny took to the stage and the showcasing of costume design and was unleashed instantly I was bedazzled politicians the show changes (such a key part Fyet again in theatrical by his glittering EU flag pulls no punches, with of the performance that form, but this time at themed jumpsuit; in what David Cameron (Jonny they even had a song for the prestigious London appeared to be an even Woo), Angela Merkel it), something I enjoyed Fabulous costumes and hilarious skits // Jonny Woo Coliseum. With phe- more fabulous version of (Diane Chorley), Boris most about the show. nomenal costumes that Strictly Come Dancing. Johnson (Jayde Adams), Between singing sequenc- surprises such as the that I could possibly find glistened so much that Giving the audience a Nigel Farage (Le Gateau es there were also periods Theresa May choir (the with Jonny Woo’s All Star they would make disco few moments to process Chocolat) and Theresa of stand-up comedy that lookalikes I mentioned Brexit Cabaret is that I balls blush, a spectacular- the majesty of his outfit, an May all being put on the featured Jayde Adams’ earlier) bursting onto the wished it were longer, ly funny recollection of introduction was provided comedic chopping block. Boris Johnson impres- stage with flailing arms, because God knows I the history of Brexit and about the show that was A particular favourite of sion and Myra Dubois’s with some even daring to think everyone wanted and an astounding group promptly followed by a mine was Jonny Woo’s Britannia performance, imitate the technical chal- to laugh more about this of vocalists, Jonny Woo’s musical number about the take on David Xameron, both of which could easily lenge that is May’s robot horrible mess that we’ve All Star Brexit Cabaret day of the referendum, as he sung about Camer- be described as comedy dance. found ourselves in. left nothing to be desired. depicting both sides of the on’s woes along with a gold. Not to forget added All in all, the only fault Want to be on the Felix team this year?

Felix is recruiting new section editors and copy editors for this year! If you’ve enjoyed reading the paper, and want to help create it each week, apply to join the team! All training is provided, as well as weekly cake, so come and join us! If you’re interested, please email [email protected] 13 FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 FELIX

ARTS [email protected]

Poor Pyotr Ilych // Catherine Ashmore The Queen of Spades: ROH disappoints Stefan Herheim’s production delivers confusion in spades

ARTS Herheim wants us to view ‘scripts’ like actors at an aria ‘Ja vas lyublyu’. lover). swinging across the stage The Queen of Spades audition. Aleksandrs Antonenko Even Tchaikovsky’s while spewing smoke, as the product of Tchai- The worst part of it is as Gherman is another beautiful music failed like Phantom of the Opera kovsky’s struggle with that this butchering of story altogether. Was he to charm. The ROH gone wrong. Where? Royal Opera House repressed homosexuality. the opera isn’t even to orchestra, conducted by To prolong the misery, When? 13th Jan - 1st Feb To this end, the Tchai- any point. Unlike what Antonio Pappano, played The Queen of Spades is How Much? From £11 kovsky figure (played Herheim would have us “Maybe we some of the most confron- hardly a short and sweet by Vladimir Stoyanov) believe, The Queen of tational, unsubtle Tchai- opera. 7 acts long, at the Claire Chan remains on stage through- Spades is not the invention can’t blame kovsky I’ve ever heard. interval I found myself Arts Editor out the opera, scribbling of Tchaikovsky’s torment- the singers Perhaps Pappano was wondering how I would on loose sheets of paper ed, gay mind. It was based suffering from a Wagner manage to get through t’s been a long while and mock-playing on on Pushkin’s short story of for being as hangover after last year’s the second half. At times since I’ve found an the piano as though he is the same name mocking Ring Cycle? it felt like we were just opera more enjoyable writing the events of the human greed, and trying bewildered The set was, at least, being shouted at – by with my eyes shut opera in real time. to reinvent it as the as the technically excellent, Antonenko and Westbro- Ithan open. But with a The midnight confron- product of Tchaikovsky’s with backlit panels of ek, by Pappano and the director who says things tation between Gherman tortured soul just does not audience....” bookshelves seamlessly orchestra, by Herheim like ‘Opera is not about and the Countess? make any sense no matter changing the stage from and his harebrained ideas. giving people a good There’s Tchaikovsky, how hard Herheim tries. Tchaikovsky would time,’ perhaps I shouldn’t skulking in the corner. It’s unclear what each of singing, or shouting? At have been rolling in his have been surprised. At the apparition of the the characters signify and first I thought he was being “the most grave. Wait – he was Stefan Herheim’s gamble Countess’ ghost? There how this is all supposed intentionally discordant doing quite enough with Tchaikovsky’s The he is again, playing the to tie into Tchaikovsky’s for the sake of acting, but confrontation- rolling about on stage Queen of Spades tries too piano with unnecessary homosexuality. I soon realised it wasn’t a al, unsubtle already, being kicked hard to be clever, making melodrama. Gherman’s To be fair, it isn’t just conscious decision at all. and jeered at by his out- for a bewildering, boring and Liza’s passionate love the direction – this pro- Eva-Maria Westbroek, Tchaikovsky of-control characters and and generally unenjoyable declaration? There he is duction suffers musically starring opposite him made a laughingstock for production. too, chivvying the protag- as well. Maybe we can’t as Liza, wavered in her I’ve ever the audience. Far from Instead of Tchaik- onists towards each other blame the singers for singing and seemed to being a sensitive explo- ovsky’s magnificent like some kind of maiden being as bewildered as the run out of breath in the heard” ration of Tchaikovsky’s overture, the curtains rise aunt. It is completely audience. Stoyanov, who longer passages. The one mindset and motives, to ‘Tchaikovsky’ perform- distracting. The emotional (mystifyingly) plays both bright spot was Anna bedroom to ballroom. Herheim’s adaptation is ing fellatio on a prostitute. intensity of each scene is Tchaikovsky and Prince Gorvachova, who sang Visually arresting, the a disrespectful and disap- This rather distasteful utterly lost – something Yeletsky, was among the excellently as the side set designs came across pointing bastardisation of opening is just the begin- Herheim clearly intends, better singers here, with character Paulina (Liza’s as slightly histrionic at an opera once described ning of the humiliation since he has the characters one of the few highlights friend, here ‘reimagined’ times, - at one point the by Tchaikovsky as ‘my of the poor composer. pretending to sing off of the evening being his by Herheim as her lesbian large chandelier started masterpiece’. 14 FELIX ISSUE 1710

ARTS [email protected] Ambitious panto drama lack focus

ARTS tremendous emotion dismissive of such clear behind the façade of his sentimental bait, but it bright yellow gown. In a feels like Duncan has just well timed follow-up to taken a generic ‘sad child- the Christmas pantomime hood’ and added it into the Where? Park Theatre season, The Dame opens mixing pot, almost as a When? Until 26th Jan up a bleaker take on this cheap cheat for emotional How Much? £23; £16 cheerful Christmas staple. depth. students Writer Katie Duncan The script also has a starts off with what would strong tendency towards Vaishnavi already be rich material hyperbole and the mel- Gnanananthan for exploration. Roy is odramatic, and to an Arts Editor facing the lack of rele- extent that works. Our vance that has come with titular character is, after both age and the decline all, a pantomime dame ging pan- of pantomime, alongside looking back on his glory tomime the death of the British days – a certain flair for performer seaside town that had the dramatic is to be Ronal Roy been the traditional stage expected. But Duncan’s AHumphrey returns to for pantomime. Surely, writing fails to rein in her Peter Duncan as Roy // Robert Workman his dressing room, still there’s more than enough words when she takes Roy performance as Roy, dressed in bright dress here for a 70 minute from stage performer to alternating between exu- lacks the genuine heart production of a great and impressive wig. He’s performance. But halfway confused child, with her berant pantomime dame, needed to really come to piece. It’s almost more as loud and as flamboyant through, we switch focus. overly lyrical wording and troubled man. The life and as a result, we are frustrating that The Dame as you would expect from It becomes clear that destroying any hope of performance is almost a left with a performance is the exact opposite. The a panto star. But there’s Roy also has a troubled actual immersion in Roy’s showcase of his versatility that somehow rings false. Park Theatre’s lovely more beneath the surface childhood past. An past. as he easily transitions London’s Fringe theatre intimate space, simple yet for Roy. Faced with aging abusive father and a child The play is almost from one to the other. scene is full of talented effective set and most of and the inevitable changes shielded by a vulnerable, saved by Peter Duncan. However, even he cannot writers, and it’s all too fre- all, Peter Duncan’s strong facing his beloved art- but ever so loving mother. The former Blue Peter fully salvage this confused quently that I find myself acting talents are wasted form, he’s a man hiding Perhaps it’s cold to be so presenter delivers a strong piece. Roy as a character watching a lacklustre on this confused piece. Obscure Shakespeare receives a fun new revival Not considered a Shakespeare masterpiece by any measure, the Royal Shakespeare Company breathes some life into The Merry Wives of Windsor and manages a hilarious ‘Essex’. banter – notably the scene added to the quirkiness ARTS as in the beginning they as Falstaff is attempting to in every scene he appears where Falstaff manages to of the whole play. There come in one-by-one with womanise them simulta- in, perfectly depicting get himself into a wheelie was never a dull moment; their names projected onto neously (owing to his debt a lecherous and loud bin to hide from Ford. there’s humour for even the background – I found and need for money). Falstaff, and as expected, The costumes and those who typically don’t this immensely helpful in Little does he know nails every bit of verse he set design – a weird, understand Shakespeare’s Where? Sadlers Wells keeping track throughout they’ve been tipped off – has. Naturally then, the never-before-seen mix jokes. Fiona Laird has When? 19th – 20th Oct the play due to the many and boy do they have a lot best scenes were the ones of Tudor and Essex, with taken one of Shake- How Much? From £15 characters. in store for him. And so with all three of these neon and glitter amok – speare’s often overlooked Shivani Gangadia In classic Shakespeare the hilarity ensues, as they characters, and there was were fantastic, and the plays and adapted it for a Arts Writer style, the story at times repeatedly ruin Falstaff’s some fantastic physical strange dance scenes at the fun, silly evening for all. feels like there’s a bit too foolish attempts to seduce comedy alongside the beginning and end only much to keep up with, them. The standout he comedy with bizarre sub-plots performances were those centres around including marrying off the of the titular characters, the lascivious young Anne Page, a con- Mistresses Ford and Page Sir John Falstaff, fusing dispute between a (Beth Cordingly and Tknown to many from Welsh person and French Rebecca Lacey). There Shakespeare’s Henry IV doctor, a jealous husband was such incredible and plays – The Merry Wives posing as ‘Master Brook’ succinct repartee between of Windsor is said to have to trick Falstaff, and the them, and every scene been commissioned by involvement of Falstaff’s they had together lit up Elizabeth I herself, who servants in his downfall. the stage with flawless must have felt her beloved However, the main story is comedic timing. Falstaff deserving of his ultimately that of Falstaff David Troughton, a own story. This play uses being the subject of Mis- veteran Royal Shake- this fact as a means of in- tresses Ford and Page’s speare Company actor, troducing the characters, schemes – and rightly so, also commands the stage Beth Cordingly and Rebecca Lacey in The Merry Wives of Windsor// Manuel Harlan 15

FELIX ISSUE 1710

FILM [email protected] Roma: a triumph of cinema or the pinnacle of home viewing? A ‘Netflix Original’ by nature— it’s a monumental shame that most will not discover this gem on the big screen.

FILM ROMA

Dir: Alfonso Cuarón. Script: Alfonso Cuarón. Starring: Yalitza Aparicio, Marina de Tavira, Fernando Grediaga, Jorge Antonio Guerrero. 135 minutes

Sung Soo Moon Film Editor

have been anticipat- ing Alfonso Cuaron’s new film, Roma, since its warm recep- Ition around the festival circuit last year. It’s been six years since Gravity, a film that swept the board with its accolades, both technical and artistic. This movie is in black and white, but it sure isn’t one of the Charlie Chaplin ones // Netflix After making several high-profile, comfortably becomes part of our full-fleshed is the sound- de Tavira are astonishing. budgeted, ‘Hollywood’ “Dubbed as his story in the foreground. scapes. Strong women The film is, on a technical “There is a films, Cuaron brings us These shifts of focus characters drive the drama level, magnificent. The Roma, his first Spanish- most personal happen throughout the forward; gender politics framing always adds to serene and language feature since Y film to serve to provide and social issues are ade- the drama and frustrates us Tu Mama Tambien. film yet, you a grounding in reality, quately presented but are with more tension. Scenes meditative Roma centres around can really feel and sometimes a liberal not the focus of the film. are staged with a beautiful Cleo (newcomer Yalitza construction of reality. In essence, Roma is a and poetic realism you atmosphere Aparicio), a housemaid the grooves of Thematically, there is family portrait—a slice of can find in modern street to the film for a middle-class family a lot that you can unpick life of an ordinary family, photography. The drama in the Colonia Roma, a his fingerprints from the film, but these but this is anything but an is never overshadowed by like a distant suburb of Mexico City, tiny details were made to ordinary film. the technicalities, but the in 1970–71. The family in the frame. ” be absorbed not studied. Cuaron directs with a two combine effortlessly memory, consists of parents Sofia There is a serene and med- quiet confidence. He gets to provide an overwhelm- (Marina de Tavira) and itative atmosphere to the the best out of his cast; the ing experience. Without misremem- Antonio, their four young whereby the camera is film like a distant memory, two female central perfor- spoiling the film, the bered. ” children and Sofia’s distracted by the stories misremembered. Quirky mances from Aparicio and scene at the hospital, and mother, Teresa. Evidently, of those who are not the moments of absurdity the scene at the beach Cuaron draws from his main subjects of the film. occur leading to questions are standout moments biggest screen (and best childhood, having grown The world that that our in these conscious choices “Roma serves that are masterful in their sound system) available. up in a family like Sofia’s; protagonists inhabit is in narrative but is never construction and crafts- Many in the film industry these series of events are fully realised and given pretentious. Although to prove that manship. express discontent in the full of rich detail. Dubbed context. A scene that plays the story ventures into As for distribution, great debate over “films” as his most personal film out in a furniture shop is episodic melodrama, the great cinema Roma is having a limited primarily distributed on yet, you can really feel the placed in the background mundaneness of everyday that deserves cinema release, and streaming services and grooves of his fingerprints of violent demonstra- life is also captured. These it’s available to stream their eligibility for “film” in the frame. tions, now historically moments of stillness in recognition is on Netflix now. This awards. Roma serves to Cuaron’s 1970s Mexico known as the Corpus the scene is complement- theatrical run is not just prove that great cinema City is brought to life Christi Massacre. Our ed by the extraordinary not limited to a cynical bid for awards that deserves recogni- within the shot. Again, protagonists come face to sound design—part of recognition, as Roma is tion is not limited to its Cuaron employs his trade- face with danger—what what makes this depic- its platform” truly a cinematic film that platform—streaming is mark “wandering frame” started in the background tion of 1970s Mexico so rewards being seen on the the future. 18 FELIX ISSUE 1710

GAMES [email protected]

Destiny 2 // Bungie The Destiny Divorce - Activision and Bungie Split Up The 10-year contract, started in 2010, has not been seen through to the end. Guardians, the future is changing.

GAMES responsibilities for the Activision in the past strained relationship that It’s no understatement The future for Bungie Destiny franchise. Going have publicly called out we’ve seen over the past that Destiny has a long A Chinese online Anthony Onwuli forward, Bungie will their disappointment with 9 years of their contract. and arduous road to get to game company called Games Editor own and develop the the earnings of Destiny Activision expected where it is today through NetEase, which franchise, and Activision 2: Forsaken with their Bungie to release a new the numerous expansions publishes Activision’s will increase its focus Chief Operating Officer destiny title every two and updates during its “Overwatch”, ungie and on owned IP and other Coddy Johnson said that years from Autumn lifetime, which at times “Hearthstone” and “World Activision projects. Activision and the earnings had failed of 2013, but as we all have left us Guardians of Warcraft” games in Blizzard started Bungie are committed to meet their standards. know, Destiny 1 shipped with feelings of joy at the China has invested $100 their partnership to a seamless transition A Bungie developer had in 2014, with Destiny 2 new content but annoyed million in Bungie for non- Bin 2010 after Bungie for the Destiny franchise fired back publicly to this having gone live in 2017, at other times for splitting Destiny related IP titles. gained their independence and will continue to work statement: which makes Bungie a the player base and letting Now that Bungie are from Microsoft. Activision closely together during title behind Activision’s the microtransactions in full control of their IP, had in place a 10-year the transition on behalf of Comments from schedule. From slide straight to our the industry landscape contract with the aim of the community of Destiny Bungie Activision’s massively bodies. allows many options for helping Bungie launch players around the world.” known franchise “Call of the developer to continue their first project after Activision’s statement “When we first Duty”, strict production Tough times for their development of Halo – Destiny. However, appears to indicate an launched our partnership schedules are a classic for future instalments for this 10-year contract has amicable and friendly with Activision in 2010, Activision releases. So in Activision their baby without the now been cut short with split, but if rumours are to the gaming industry some ways, this divorce need of a publisher. They Bungie now assuming be believed then Bungie was in a pretty different could be Activision Activision is truly now no longer need to the full publishing rights could not be happier with place,” Bungie wrote in its accepting that Destiny has going through rough stick to the strict release of the Destiny series. having full control of their post. “As an independent not panned out to be the times though, with schedules which could With the control of their IP. Rumour has it that studio setting out to build franchise it expected from customer backlash and pan out well Guardians. IP completely back in champagne was popped a brand-new experience, their contract. a drop in their stock Let’s hope that Bungie their own hands, we can by Bungie staff after the we wanted a partner prices back in November can now restore the light only wait and see how announcement was made. willing to take a big leap after announcing Diablo to the 10 million active the Destiny series moves of faith with us. We had a “We wanted a Immortal for mobile guardians. This will also forward. vision for Destiny that we phones instead of a full let us see whether or not if “Champagne believed in, but to launch partner willing PC title. Additionally, some of the issues which Activision’s a game of that magnitude, they have abandoned their plagued Destiny were Statement was popped by we needed the support of to take a big Skylanders franchise, so from the developer or by “Today, we’re an established publishing leap of faith coupled with Destiny, executive meddling from announcing plans for Bungie staff” partner.” Activision’s harem of the publisher. Bungie to assume full These statements and with us” mega-franchises has publishing rights and rumours only confirm the grown smaller. 19 FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 FELIX FELIX ISSUE 1710

GAMES [email protected] GAMES [email protected] Good times ahead for gaming with the upcoming release Friday 22nd Friday 1st Anthem ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove of Kingdom Hearts 3 and more! PS4, Xbox One, PC PS4, Xbox One, PC, Switch GAMES Tuesday 29th Tuesday 26th Thursday 7th Connor Winzar Games Editor Kingdom Hearts III Anno 1800 Total War: Three Kingdoms PS4, Xbox One PC PC Tuesday 26th Friday 8th January Dirt Rally 2.0 Devil May Cry 5 PS4, Xbox One, PC PS4, Xbox One, PC Friday 11th Tuesday 26th Friday 15th Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story + Bowser Trials Rising One Piece: World Seeker Jr.’s Journey - 3DS PS4, Xbox One, PC, Switch PS4, Xbox One, PC Friday 11th Thursday 28th Friday 15th New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe Tom Clancy’s The Division 2 Switch Left Alive PS4, PC PS4, Xbox One, PC Friday 11th Thursday 21st Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition Kingdom Hearts 3 // Disney The Sinking City PS4, Xbox One, PC, Switch PS4, Xbox One, PC Tuesday 15th Friday 22nd Onimusha: Warlords February Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice PS4, Xbox One, PC, Switch PS4, Xbox One, PC Tuesday 15th Friday 1st Friday 29th The Walking Dead: The Final Season Episode 3 Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown Tropico 6 PS4, Xbox One, PC, Switch PC PS4, Xbox One, PC Friday 18th Friday 15th YIIK: A Postmodern RPG Crackdown 3

PS4, PC, Switch Xbox One, PC Metro Exodous // 4A Games Friday 18th Friday 15th Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown Far Cry: New Dawn PS4, Xbox One PS4, Xbox One, PC February Friday 18th Friday 15th Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes Jump Force Friday 1st Switch PS4, Xbox One, PC Dead or Alive 6 Friday 25th Friday 15th PS4, Xbox One, PC Resident Evil 2 Remake Metro Exodus PS4, Xbox One, PC PS4, Xbox One, PC Devil May Cry 5// Capcom 20 21 FELIX ISSUE 1710

GAMES [email protected]

Smash Ultimate is here, everyone! / Nintendo Felix Games’ new addition: Smash Corner A new chapter is being turned for Felix gaming as we embark on a quest to provide you with quality info on how to up your smash games, with weekly characters analysis and tips.

GAMES stages from the past for the moment, we aim We’re looking to have competitive players we feel free to drop us an games, and not to forget to keep you up to date a weekly Smash corner may host competitions email at games.felix@ Connor Winzar a gigantic roster, Smash on the meta whilst giving article, focusing on how in the distant future, but imperial.ac.uk if you’re Games Editor leaves you satisfied. you tips on how to deal to maximise a characters’s that’s most likely going to interested in writing With ever changing with bullshit Yoshi edge be the case if there seems a character profile, or metas and tier lists, the guarding, Simon/Richter’s to be a following for the anything else Smash t’s clear that the game has a constantly insane range, and grena- “Keep you up Smash Corner articles. So related! Nintendo titan that changing dynamic with dier Snake players, along keep your eyes peeled and is Reggie heard the so much variety that the to date on the cries of the dissat- game can be quite in- Iisfied Smash player, for timidating. That’s where “Creation of meta whilst he has finally achieved we come in! We may not perfection with the mag- be top tier gamers, but Smash Corner, giving you tips nificent game that isSuper we’re avid players of the on how to deal Smash Bros. Ultimate. series, and know a trick a section of On a serious note, Smash or two; mostly from from Felix Games with bullshit Ultimate is a spectacular watching the pros and game; despite not quite tournaments. As such, we that focuses Yoshi edge capturing the nostalgia are proud to announce the that came with the N64 creation of Smash Corner, entirely on guarding” game melee, it makes up a section of Felix Games for it by building signif- that focuses entirely on Smash” cantly on its predecessors. Smash and could poten- potential, and a general Accompanied by a stag- tially develop into some- rundown of their abilities geringly large collection thing bigger with a large with other ways to tackle as well as counters to each of OSTs from numerous enough following! new machines incurred by character. series, all your favourite But it’s early days, so the ever changing meta. And for the even more The highly requested DLC character /s // Nintendo 22 FELIX ISSUE 1710

FOOD [email protected] Cheap clean eats

• 100-200ml cup milk* Method Method Dinner FOOD • 1 teaspoon cinammon 1. Add the egg, egg 1. Preheat oven to 375 “Whether whites, mushrooms, degrees. So-Good Sofritas Eva Tadros *Can substitute water bell pepper, onion, 2. Place all ingredients Cauliflower Rice Bowl you’re Food Editor salt, garlic and half for falafel (except for Optional Extras the cheese into a the pitas and nonstick looking for Blueberries, maple 12-ounce or larger spray) in a large an indulgent syrup, basically anything!! Mason jar coated with bowl, and give them ow that the cooking spray. Shake a good stir. Using a breakfast, or new year has Method or stir to combine, potato masher, mash started, how 1. Mix the oats and then seal with a lid well. Mixture should a nourishing many of those baking powder unless making imme- remain slightly So-Good Sofritas Cauli- hearty lunch, “newN year, new me” posts together diately. chunky, not smooth. flower Rice Bowl // Hun- have you seen floating 2. Mash in the banana 2. Place in fridge over- 3. Spray a baking sheet gry-Girl we’ve got all around? It’s nice to think with a fork. night or until ready to thoroughly with a we can have a fresh start 3. Add in the milk prepare. two-second spray Ingredients the recipes as soon as the year begins, slowly, and keep 3. Remove lid, place of olive oil nonstick • Two cups roughly but those first few days whisking till desired in microwave, and spray. chopped cauliflower that aren’t up until term restarts are consistency is heat for about two 4. One at a time, take (or HG Alternative) so much of a limbo, it’s achieved. minutes, watching for spoonfuls of mixture • Two tbsp. chopped going to harm pretty much impossible to 4. Grease a frying pan, overflow. If the eggs in your hands and fresh cilantro your bank send any form of resolu- and add enough of puff up too much, form 15 balls, each • Two tsp. lime juice tion into action. However, the mixture to create simply open the about the size of a • 1/2 tsp. ground cumin account or now that we’re more a thin base, and once microwave for five ping pong ball, and • 1/4 tsp. chili powder settled, we thought we’d bubbles start forming, seconds, then heat gently place them • 1/4 tsp. onion powder your figure! ” tackle a few of the resolu- flip the pancake. again until no liquid on the baking sheet. • 1/3 cup chopped tions we’ve heard floating 5. Enjoy!! remains. Top with Spray the top of onion around, mainly deciding remaining cheese, each ball with olive • 1/3 cup chopped bell 4. Remove skillet from to save a little money and Cassey’s Omelette in and serve. Top with oil nonstick spray, pepper heat; clean, if needed. budget more, and eat a a Mug avocado, if using. for a total of about a • 1/4 cup canned black Re-spray, and return little healthier – two birds, two-second spray. beans, drained and to medium-high heat. one stone. Lunch 5. Bake in the oven for rinsed Add onion and bell We’ve been out on the 15 minutes. Mean- • Two tbsp. shredded pepper, and cook and hunt (Google), and have Cassey’s Healthy while, combine all cheese stir until softened and managed to round up the Falafel Lettuce Wraps ingredients for dip • Four oz. block-style slightly blackened, best of the best. Whether in a blender or food extra-firm tofu about four minutes. you’re looking for an processor, and pulse Add black beans indulgent breakfast, or a Omelette in a mug // until just blended. Methods and cook and stir nourishing hearty lunch, Blogilates Season to taste with 1. Place sauce ingre- until hot, about 1 we’ve got all the recipes black pepper and dients in a small minute. Transfer to that aren’t going to harm This is one of our refrigerate until ready blender or food pro- the medium bowl, your bank account or your all-time favourites, and to serve. cessor. Add two tbsp. and re-cover to keep figure! once you make it, you’ll Falafel with yoghurt dip // 6. Remove baking water, and blend until warm. find out why. Sourced Blogilates sheet from the smooth. 5. Remove skillet from Breakfast from the internet’s favour- oven, and carefully 2. Pulse cauliflower in a heat; clean, if needed. ite sweetheart, Cassey Ho, Ingredients turn each ball over, blender until reduced Re-spray, and bring Catharina’s Protein better known as Blogi- • 2 1/2 whole-wheat or gently reshaping if to rice-sized pieces. to medium heat. Boost Pancakes lates. high-fiber pitas the bottoms have 3. Bring a skillet sprayed Sprinkle tofu with • One 15-oz. can chick- flattened. Return to with nonstick spray salt, black pepper, Ingredients peas, well drained the oven and bake for to medium-high heat. and remaining 1/4 • Two eggs • One onion, very an additional 10 – 15 Add cauliflower, tsp. cumin, 1/8 tsp. • One egg white finely chopped minutes, until golden cilantro, lime juice. onion powder, and • 1/3 cup mushrooms, • 1/4 cup whole-wheat brown and slightly 1/4 tsp. cumin, 1/8 1/8 tsp. chili powder. chopped flour crispy. Allow to cool tsp. chili powder, Cook and crumble • 1/4 cup red bell • Three tbsp. finely and set for at least and 1/8 tsp. onion until lightly browned, High protein pancakes // pepper, diced chopped fresh parsley five minutes. powder. Cook and about three minutes. FoodForFitness • Two tablespoons red • 1 1/2 tbsp. chopped 7. Cut the whole pitas stir until cauliflower 6. Add sauce to the onion, minced garlic into halves, toast or has mostly softened skillet. Cook and Ingredients • Pinch of salt • One tbsp. chopped warm all pita halves and lightly browned, stir until hot and • 100g shredded oats • Pinch of garlic fresh cilantro slightly, and then about five minutes. well mixed, about 1 (or 50/50 protein powder • 1/2 tbsp. ground fill each with three Transfer to a medium minute. powder for those • 1/4 cup shredded cumin falafel balls and three bowl, and cover to 7. Transfer to the ~gains~) cheese or vegan • 3/4 tsp. salt tbsp. dip. Enjoy! keep warm. medium bowl, and • 2 bananas, chopped cheese, divided • 1/2 tsp. baking immediately top with • 1/4 teaspoon baking • One tablespoon powder cheese. powder avocado, optional • 1/4 tsp. lemon juice 23 FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 FELIX

SUSTAINABILITY [email protected] Season of change

SUSTAINABILITY munity and get feedback substantiated debate. UCL on Meat-Free Mondays. and Imperial students Xiuchen Xu Comments and opinions have begun a campaign Sustainability Writer are welcomed. to make at least a half A screening of of food consumed at the he Plant-Based Carnage will be held in university vegan by 2020. Imperial cam- the Grantham Institute This campaign is launch- paign combines on Wednesday, 23rd of ing with a talk on nutrition initiatives from January. A satire mock- at UCL on the 28th. Well TGreening Imperial, umentary by comedian worth attending if you Environmental Society Simon Amstell, Carnage, would like to be involved (ESoc), VegSoc and set in a meat free future, or are considering a vegan Animal Protection makes light of both vegans diet. Also a chance to see & Education Society and meat-eaters of today. the “other” university. (APES). The main aim of On the 26th VegSoc is Should the production the campaign is to reduce organizing a trip to the of meat be banned? Expect the carbon footprint of FRIEND animal sanctu- a heated debate right the college and work ary, where you can muck here in Imperial, as four towards a more sustaina- in, for instance cleaning experts come together in ble college. Throughout chicken sheds or helping early February to discuss January and February livestock which have been this proposition. Imperial will be holding rescued from abusive Last but certainly not various events relating owners or found aban- least, “Earthling Ed”, an to meat consumption and doned. There are limited influential activist with sustainability (see the spaces. Email vegsoc@ over 9 million views on accompanying timetable). imperial.ac.uk to register Youtube will be visiting to On Mondays and interest. Imperial in late February. Fridays between 12- Is veganism healthy? Visit imperialcollege- 2.00pm, there are pop-up This is a question that union.org/mfm to sign-up stalls in JCR and SCR so often draws a great deal of for events and more info as to get engage the com- empassioned but also un- on Meat-Free Mondays. Upcoming events related to Meat Free Mondays \\ Plant-Based Imperial Oddly inspiring Home grocery delivery service Oddbox provides a way to cut down grocery shopping time and get fresh seasonal produce, whilst reducing food waste, plastic waste and carbon emissions.

SUSTAINABILITY produced is being wasted vegetables from local Even cooking with them unnecessarily dressed variety of order options, every year. In UK alone, growers and markets at is made easy, as every from head to toe in plastic including veg only, or Monami Miyamoto 3 million tonnes of food a fair price and deliver Oddbox delivery comes at the supermarkets, a combination of fruit Sustainability Editor (1/3 of the total produce!) them to people all across with a simple recipe for oddbox deliveries are and veg, and in sizes of don’t even reach the London, including areas potential meals that can be hardly ever wrapped small, medium and large. super market shelves, near the Imperial campus. made using the contents in any plastic (with the A small veg and fruit ’d like to believe that simply because they are This not only reduces the in the box that week. exception of Spinach!); box is probably ideal for every one of us, at amount of produce going The boxes are also con- They come straight in college students to last least in part, can do to waste but also supports veniently delivered right cardboard boxes which for a week, and only costs something better for “Globally local farmers. Besides, outside the house, so the are reused or recycled, 10.49 pounds for a hearty Ithe environment. But I these fruits and vegetable excitement of waking up quantity. Payment is on a 1.3 billion also know that for some, didn’t have to fly or sail every Thursday morning “Oddbox weekly basis, so you can this can seem dauting, tonnes of food across the ocean to get to unravel the unknown easily cancel any time difficult, or just too time to us, ultimately reducing contents of a new oddbox deliveries are you travel or simply don’t consuming - which is produced is the carbon footprint. waiting outside my have time to cook. why, I thought I’d share Personally, what I’ve doorstep feels almost hardly ever being wasted With Oddbox, you’re my experience with loved most about Oddbox like a weekly Christmas wrapped in not only saving money ODDBOX, a UK based every year” is that they provide a present. This also means and making your life company committed to variety of produce, all that I don’t have to spend any plastic” easier, but also con- tackling food waste. One of which are seasonal; time walking to and tributing to solving the of the United Nations this means getting the around the supermarket global food waste issue sustainable development discriminated due to opportunity to cook with for grocery shopping. and other environmental goals is halving the per their ‘odd shape or size’, unfamiliar ingredients, Another excellent feature so the amount of plastic problems. It starts with capita global food waste despite being perfectly such as rainbow carrots, which I appreciate is the waste can also be greatly just one delivery. by 2030. Yet, globally and deliciously edible. hispi cabbages, and purple fact that unlike every minimized. 1.3 billion tonnes of food Oddbox will source these sprouting broccolis. single fruit and vegetable Oddbox provides a FELIX ISSUE 1710

INVESTMENT [email protected] Will the dollar determine markets in 2019?

INVESTMENT

Tom Alston Investment Editor ICIS Editor

fter a volatile end to 2018, investors are now looking Aat what the new year can bring. Despite rising 7% against a broad basket of currencies in 2018, many now deem the dollar over- valued. Drawing parallels from both physics and Forex trading, it is well known that whatever goes up must eventually go down. The bear case for the dollar is formed on the expectation that GDP growth in America will slow down. The stimulus provided by Trump’s tax cuts last year will fade, and increasing Fed Funds rates will begin to bite. Suffering oil prices, that is hurting investment in America’s shale regions, is another factor as low JPMorgan recirded heavy losses in its bond and currency trading amid hieghtened volatilty//Brookings Institution crude prices becomes ben- eficial for oil importing they are still higher than dispersed trade tensions, a softish Brexit boosting regulatory efforts to rein but a reflection of weak regions such as Europe in Japan or the Eurozone, stimulating private sector the pound, causing in the economies credit export demand, there and Asia. America’s tech making owning the dollar spending. Consequently, a capital influx into independence, as China’s would likely be a sell off giants are also coming more rewarding. Will this this stirs other Asian emerging markets in the economy gets to grip of risk assets across the under pressure, losing change in 2019? Many see economies which will search of higher returns. with underperformance board. Consequently, the their invulnerability increase activity in the However, after Tuesday’s of domestically oriented dollar falls sharply against allure they had at the euro zone, which relies vote, the probability of Chinese equities. A rise the yen and swiss franc beginning of last year. In “tax cuts heavily on emerging this remains uncertain as in emerging markets risk (euro remains weak). short, the recent bull run market demand. Hence it sunk the pound to a six assets would only happen Investors rush towards on America’s economy and looser bond yields rise in the session low of $1.2668. if there was a reversal of safe-harbour currencies, is coming to end and so expectation that interest The second scenario, the Chinese protectionist as JPMorgan strategists should the rise of the monetary rates will increase, making the trade dispute between rhetoric. Since this advise clients to take dollar. policy in US debt less favourable, China and America remains improbable some insurance, leading Mansoor Mohi-uddin as spreads between US escalates. This continued and would indicate that to a surge in the price of of Natwest Markets China, caused and Euro bonds decrease, uncertainty means China’s the stuttering eurozone gold. Goldman Sachs now has set out three pre- causing the dollar to drift tax cuts are saved rather economy is not temporary expects the price of gold conditions for a turn in the by dispersed down against the Euro. than spent. Weakness in to rise to $1,425 over the dollar: a “pause” by the Evidence of this has been China’s economy brings next year. “To take a view Fed, an end to the China- trade tensions, seen in recent turbulent down other emerging “to grip on gold, you have to first America trade war and a stimulating markets, causing strain economies. Evidence of take a view on broader pickup in the eurozone on the American fixed this can be seen in the with under markets”, said Tom Holl, economy. The first looks private sector income front. JPMorgan fact that export orders BlackRock portfolio like it’s on the horizon. recorded a sharp fall in for the large trading as performance manager. He added, “If we Jerome Powell, chairman spending” bond and currency trading well as manufacturing of domestically continue to see elevated of the Federal Reserve, revenue as CEO Jamie economies of Asia and levels of macroeconomic hinted at the beginning of Dimon warned that US Europe are signalling a oriented uncertainty and risk the new year that it might the path of the new year government shutdown is trade recession. Europe adversity, then gold will postpone any further laid out by two scenarios. creating more challenges has been suffering from Chinese probably continue its rate hikes. Furthermore, The first entails tax cuts by bringing the economy declining demand in positive momentum”. whilst interest rates in and looser monetary to a standstill. However, China, the primary equities ” America may not rise policy in China, caused by this scenario also suggests drivers being policy and 25

FR IDAY, 18 TH JANUARY, 2019 – Fake News! – ISSUE 1710 FELIX ISSUE 1710

HANGMAN [email protected] Hangman Calls for postgrad exit from Union nearly VoNC GSU President

HANGMAN bring the Graduate Inde- PhD in the Department of discontented movements pendence Act to Council Chemistry “We make up within various constituent Negafelix next week. the majority of the stu- unions over the past few Editor-in-Chief The push for GSU dents here, yet they treat years calling for separa- independence, or us like shit. If they want tion from the Union. Last #hbarTheDoors as it has service, they should go year, ICSMSU faced a he head of become known, stems back to Beit Quad!” similar push to separate Graduate Stu- from years of discontent “They literally have themselves from the dents’ Union within the GSU, due to everywhere else,” said Union (#MedicOut) and has narrowly perceived preferential Carmen De La Nerd, an have Reynolds to them- Tsurvived a Vote of No treatment of undergradu- MRes Bioengineering selves. The campaign Confidence (VoNC) ates compared to the rest student. “No one wants was short-lived, however, over growing calls for of the student body – in to see you barely legal as campaigners were the constituent union particular, undergraduate dickheads lounging promptly assigned to St. to part ways with ICU, students getting served around, complaining Peter’s Hospital in Surrey, “Leave this to the grown-ups” // Imperial College NegaFelix has learnt. when entering h-bar, the about your workload. We depriving them of enough Tuna Overthiereman, postgraduate bar. need our space to vent! time to continue their separation was likely in she can break the Union GSU President, managed “All these shitty This is literally the only complaining. some part instigated by the down, she can sell the land to cling on to power by undergrads coming into place we have when our An informant from current College Overlord, – it’s in a prime location!” a 1 vote margin, despite h-bar, stealing our pints experiments are running.” within the Faculty Build- Janice Fast. “She’s going growing calls for her head – enough is enough,” said This is yet another ing informed NegaFelix for a divide-and-conquer on a platter if she didn’t Neo Cortez, a second year in the long list of that the agitation for strategy,” they said. “If

ARIES TAURUS GEMINI CANCER LEO VIRGO

This week, you forget to This week your proposal This week, you defy This week, you ride a This week you finally You have been Basically a ghost town // Imperial College take the bins out. to leave the Union is meat-free Mondays and Boris bike to uni, forget get that Counselling constipated for weeks. voted down by 230 votes. bring some in for home. they’re Sadiq cycles and appointment you booked You are threatened with crash Spain’s economy in last year! Great! Unfortunately, the only eviction. Who knew you were this You are mawled to death the name of Santander. When asked what your thing you pass this week unpopular.? whilst feeding the other problem is you realise is a vote of no confidence. Meat-free Mondays results in male ban on campuses carnivores. you don’t remember anymore. Shit.

HANGMAN introduction of ‘Meat- the Library? There’s prob- GTAs. Notable excep- went ahead and did it! I scheme, Sasparello stated free Mondays’, a scheme ably a hole in the ozone tions to the rule were the blame the damn vegan that she had involved Negafelix wherein all men would layer above Sherfield Business School, as most feminists!” “me, myself and I” in the Editor-in-Chief be banned from campus from the stench alone, let of their students were Union staff are report- consultation. When re- every Monday during term alone all the backlog of enrolled online anyway. edly unhappy about the minded by NegaFelix that time. The initiative, which shit. Originally the plan Not all members of the initiative, as it means that she no longer attended the came into effect this week, was to redirect the pipes Imperial community are three out of the five Sabb university she promptly umbleweed was said to be inspired by to the Union to harvest pleased with the initiative. officers effectively get rejected reporters’ claims roamed across reducing the College’s the gas and sell it to UCL, “What the hell is this long weekends. When on eActivities. LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES Imperial carbon footprint. This but we had to be realistic, all about,” wailed Hugh asked about his stance on In the wake of the campuses this runs in line with College so this was the next best Revelio, a third year the issue, Union President uproar surrounding the TMonday, as a new initi- Overlord Janice Fast’s thing. If you can’t use Mechanical Engineering Bob Jeffries shrugged and initiative, Council Chair This week your prototype This week you miss a This week you decide To beguile your peers This week you’re a This week you’re the ative banning men from environmental policy of ‘em, ban ‘em, eh?” student. “I mean, I wasn’t replied, “who gives a shit? Andrea ‘Pippy’ Gumpton starts working. You are so coursework deadline. that consumerism is a you post nudes in Subtle Liberation Officer. Felix Editor. This was College premises was ‘Keeping Imperial in the The initiative saw at- planning on coming in It means I can spend more was noted to have passed excited that you have to cancer to society. Imperial Dating. They You applaud Gillette fun at the start, yeah, but implemented. Green.’ tendance rates drop across anyway, but who the hell time catching up on my an emergency resolution grab a change of trousers. You blame your lecturers are reposted to Imperial for tackling toxic if you wanted to hear Deputy President “Forget cows polluting most departments, with does she think she is, colouring!” to confiscate the earnings Frontal stains continue to and shut down your But you get a discount on College Exposed. masculinity, but can we people complain about (Philandering & Servic- the planet,” said Sasparel- EEE recording a 100% telling me what to do. She In response to allega- of her now workless be a problem. department. How dare ASOS’ sale tho... Angry reacts for not get some some gender this uni you’d be Alice ing), Gloria Sasparrello, lo, “have you smelt the decrease in attendance, didn’t even do a proper tions of failing to gauge worthless male counter- they set reasonable being meat-free ensue. diversity up in here? Gast’s PA. recently announced the men’s room on Level 4 of including lecturers and student consultation; just student support of the parts. expectations! 28 29 FELIX ISSUE 1710

TRAVEL [email protected] LISBON - is the hype real?

TRAVEL as calçada), the buildings pick from, sit down and if you find yourself in are made of colourful relax or dance the night a queue! Best advice: Joana Correia tiles, the yellow trams go away. Take the train for 30 embrace the Portuguese Travel Editor up and down the hills, nar- minutes, swap the traffic way. rowing into the traditional sounds for seagulls and old neighbourhoods of waves, the warmth kissing Lisbon. You’ll find over your skin, a cold drink “You’ll find he plane prepares 30 beautiful terraces and in hand, you’ve found for landing by hilltops overlooking the the ocean. For fairytale over 30 circling the city and the river, where enchanted stories, head beaches, vast both tourists and locals over to Quinta da Rega- beautiful Tkilometres of deep blue meet for drinks, thoughts leira or Pena Palace, in terraces Santa Luzia viewpoint // LisbonSideTours waters and white sand and long conversations. Sintra, both UNESCO dotted by sun-lovers, it You’ll find a lot of street- World Heritage Sites, and and hilltops speaking Portuguese too but still go out at tradi- makes its descent by over- based shopping, from get lost in its caves and loud (yes, even louder, tional and new places, looking the city and its high street brands to inde- magical wells, romantic overlooking and as if that would help still visit all the above and hills. If this isn’t a scenic pendent quirky shops. Old and warm-colour palaces. anyone understand…). many other locations that landing, I don’t know versus modern museums We do things slowly in the city” People will want to know one could consider tourist what is. and cathedrals, some lost Lisbon, after all the best about your life, where you attractions, still love their Lisbon truly offers in the city depths (Basílica things in life must appre- are from, what you do, city. I believe that this it all. And I’m not just da Estrela) others sitting ciated. Food, for instance, But perhaps better what brings you over. Not is what, above all else, talking about the custard riverside (MAAT). is one of those things. We than all the views and because we are nosy, but makes the hype real about tarts. It is hard to write Being a waterfront city dine late and we love to food is the people. The because you’re new. Lisbon. You feel like about something you so means you can get away stay at restaurants long Portuguese are friendly, Lisbon is becoming in- you’re part of the city and passionately love. from the overwhelming after the meal has ended, welcoming and helpful. creasingly touristy – many its life. And for a greater Lisbon’s city centre city sounds by strolling just drinking and chatting Even if you do meet say this with criticism, I feeling of belonging go is not like many others riverside. There are plenty for possibly too long. If someone who does not say it with appreciation. when we’re happiest – in Europe. The streets cafés, bars, restaurants, there is outdoor seating speak English – a rare People still go on about April to October. But I’m are wide, with intricate nightclubs and parks we might actually stay occasion nowadays – they their lives (don’t really obviously biased. pavement patterns (known along the river for one to forever. So apologies will try to help you by have a choice do they?),

Key Responsibilities: • Meet and greet members and visitors, ensuring visitors are looked after through to meeting their host and to announce visitors as appropriate in line with the team agreement. • To deal with any complaints in a calm and pro- fessional manner, escalating to the correct person when needed. • To answer the telephones in a friendly, timely and professional manner and manage the switchboard as directed. • To report any maintenance issues in the Reception, Meeting rooms and lobby areas etc. through the centralise College System • Issue and Take in keys for the Union’s fleet of minibuses using the systems in place • To receive and log all parcels • Generate associate membership and assist with issues as and when required. • Ensure that the Union’s procedure are followed in respect of “lost and found’’ items. • Support head receptionist with ad hoc duties. 30 FELIX ISSUE 1710

PUZZLES [email protected]
     SUDOKU (New Year, new) FUCWIT Fill all the boxes with a number between 1 1 Maxiane 17   and 9. A number can only appear once in a 1 HoneybunnySnugglepuff 17 row/colum, and only once in each sub-box. 1 Luncheon Pals 17 1 KBLB 17
 1 Fleesh and the tooters 17 1 Lilmonix3 17   1 Castiel 17 1 Those Left Behind 17    



 1 Trollheim 17 1 Wooloomooloo 17     1 Big H’s Boys 17  1 Shark 17

 1 Rock, Flag & Eagle 17   
14 Yeet Infection 16 14 Fresh.O.G 16     14 TH3_G1NGA_N1NJA 16


 17 Computer Magic 14   18 Quizlamic extremists 13 19 S. B. S. 10
 19 Dancing Queens 10

21 satu lipa 7
      
 
  Send your solutions to fsudoku@imperial.                
       ac.uk before Wednesday midday to take   
             
        part in the leaderboard!      
        
       CROSSWORD         Points available    
       Across Down       
   

 Crossword 6  
           7. You can survive with just one (6) 1. Doubly land-locked country (13)      Slitherlink 3
     8. Specially trained infantry (6) 2. Sealed with red wax (8) 


Sudoku 3    
  9. Bystander (8) 3. Modern equivalent of ink blots (4) 
   Nonogram 5
      
 10. With force (8) 4. Part of the workforce (8)  Total 17 
  
    12. Expel (4) 5. Therefore (4) 



  13. Leg elbow (4) 6. Agreement (13)    
    
        14. Common and boring (8) 11. Jersey’s brother (8)             15. Reached (8) 12. Living death and happy Mondays (8)             
 18. Hard to square (6) 16. London has a Marble one (4)                                            19. Where many pub crawls end (6) 17. Boundary of the night (4) 
 
                                    
           
      
SLITHERLINK     Connect horizontally and vertically adjacent dots so that the lines form a    simple loop with no loose ends. The number inside a square represents how    many of its four sides are segments in the loop.

          
                      
             
                     
           
        
            
           NONOGRAM   Colour in some of the squares to make a picture. Each number    represents a block of consecutive black squares within that row/col-   umn. Each block needs to be separated by at least one white square.       

31 FELIX ISSUE 1710

SPORTS [email protected] Promising signs for ICXCAC as they begin 2019 with a successful training weekend Cross Country & Athletics head to Shropshire for a much-needed winter tour involving kazoo playing, motivational speeches, racing local teenagers, comfort eating and pretend mountaineering.

SPORTS leave their mark on one of the country’s largest Fergus Johnson parkruns. Sports Editor Almost 700 runners - a course record - gathered on the start line along the CXCAC’s runners River Severn, and then returned from the they were off! Christmas break in The course was far from dire need of a train- flat, with a steep hill to Iing weekend, and 2019’s climb and descend around winter tour destination “The Dingle” followed was Church Stretton – a by a fast out-and-back quaint town just outside Shropshire’s county town of Shrewsbury. “They all During the late Victori- an period the small town wanted to was known as “Little Switzerland” and grew leave their The merry band of runners stand in front of a merry bandstand // ICXC a reputation as a health mark on one of resort: exactly what the with a time of 16:01, and navigate the course from to retrace their steps as (most foolish?) explorers team needed. the country’s whilst he was (slightly) memory but this proved Shrewsbury’s speedy opted for this option and The squad set out in disappointed not to go considerably harder than youth stormed ahead. they pranced up to the earnest at rush hour on largest sub-16, he was the only it sounds. Before long it was the summit like mountain Friday evening. Thanks to team member not to be ICXCAC made a home straight and the 13- goats, battling the some excellent DJing, the parkruns” beaten by the 17-year-old strong start with 4 of their year-old zoomed home in near-vertical ascent and journey flew by. local who crossed the line boys in the top 6, and this 3rd place, delighted that howling winds. The team rose early on second in 16:20. continued for around half he would be moving up Eventually they all Saturday to make a trip tarmac path along the Following him in a lap with the strong 13 the school leaderboard. returned safely and set to the local Shrewsbury river with a turn around bronze position was year-old kindly shouting Niki and Jack arrived at about packing for the trip parkrun – one of a large “The Monument” before a Henry Hart in 16:39 and directions to ensure no the finish line distraught, back to London. national network of free, second lap. fresher Alix Vermeulen illegal shortcuts were and the squad were forced weekly and timed 5km ICXCAC’s runners came in 3rd for the girls taken. to make a visit to the runs every Saturday at were focused, taking a with a time of 19:33. Just as Niki was be- infamous “tuck shop” to “The squad 9.00am. ruthless racing line around After hassling some ginning to pull away and cheer themselves up. Huddling around the the bends and cheering on other locals for a team take a commanding lead, The evening saw were forced to bandstand for warmth, each other as they passed photo (above), the team disaster struck! The team plenty of stretching, make a visit to the runners listened to the in opposing directions. returned to base for a reached a crossroads and kazoo playing, refuelling, course instructions care- The field was led large brunch before a trip could not remember the Pictionary, cross-country the infamous fully as they all wanted to home by Niki Faulkner to the host’s old school way. watching, dubious scat- for a training session with They frantically spread tergories and questionable “tuck shop”” their cross country team. out and followed their chat. The squad was led memories as best they Sunday morning was around the “prestigious” could but it was not until quite an effort for the few The large quantity of course on a warm-up by fresher and navigator-ex- who made a poor decision food remaining meant a gaggle of young talent, traordinaire Matt Ryan to stay awake until the the final lunch was a de- headed by a rapid 13- arrived that they found the early hours, but amazingly licious buffet of spaghetti, year-old. correct route. all the non-injured athletes chicken sausages, mashed Following the warm-up By this point the 13 made it out for a trail potato, tomatoes, apples, the team got their breath year-old was hot on their running adventure starting unripe bananas and back and with the route heels. Keen to resume from their doorstep. leftover bolognese. fresh in their minds, the lead, Niki and Men’s After racing up a Having survived this everyone aligned on the Captain Jack McKeon number of hills the club ordeal, the squad hit the start line ready for a timed desperately tried to find captain set his sights on road and returned feeling lap. a way through a rather a particularly large hill revitalised and ready for The aim for the bushy hedge but to no he had dubbed “Kiliman- the cross-crountry season Niki storms into the lead at Shrewsbury parkrun // ICXC Imperial athletes was to avail. They were forced jaro”. Only the bravest to resume next week. 32