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FREE No 1336 Thursday 24 NOVEMBER 2005 The student newspaper of Imperial College felixonline.co.uk felix SomeUnion results annouced, elections candidates disqualified, shambles appeals launced Matthew Hartfield Politics Editor

After weeks of delays, the Union have finally announced some of the The fall of results of Union Council elections. Some results were delayed after numerous complaints were filed regarding the conduct of some can- Southside... didates. Five candidates were dis- qualified for illegal campaigning via mass spam e-mailing of students. Emma Persky was elected as the ...the rise of Linstead Equal Opportunities Officer, defeat- ing her only opponent, Kareem Osman. Dan Lehmann and Christine Itegbe were elected into the Trading and Retail Committee, with Dan elected again into the Services Five disqualified for spam emailing clubs and societies Committee. Laura Parkinson, Alon Or-Bach and Laura Griffiths were piece together what happened,” recipients were on the mailing list” elected as Imperial’s ULU delegates. said Sameena Misbahuddin, ICU said Mr Hassam. When asked why However, a number of elections are President. the recipients were blind carbon still under dispute, and have yet Although the disqualified candi- copied, Hassam said that this was to announce any results; namely dates did not send the offending because it was sent to his friends, those for the Ordinary Members of e-mails, The Union Exceutive were but if a particular person decided Council, for which positions a record unanimous in their decision that a to send a reply to the whole group, number of candidates stood. serious breach of regulations had then this would prevent people who On being elected as the Equal occurred with a deliberate attempt didn’t know the replier from receiv- Opportunities Officer, Ms Persky to hide the evidence. The Union ing an e-mail. He also claimed that was glad. She told Felix, “Equal believe the senders were instructed the e-mails were not saved becuase opportunities is an area I feel partic- to send e-mails by the candidates, “they were sent from website e- ularly passionate about”. The new or the candidates were aware of mail addresses, such as Yahoo or officer announced that she would be the senders campaigning for them. Hotmail, which doesn’t automati- concentrating on ‘Woman’s issues’, The disqualified candidates claimed cally save sent items”. Unfortunatly saying, “I would like to see the that they were not aware that any he didn’t specify if these were per- university putting more effort into rules had been breached, despite sonal adresses, or why he didn’t encouraging young women into sci- being given a ‘candidate pack’, that use Imperial’s own e-mail system in ence and engineering”. stated the rules regarding emails this case. Hassam and Alam were The delays in the annouce- very clearly, at the beginning of the adament that they tried to keep to ment of the Union Council results election. the rules, with both claiming they stemmed from complaints regard- “The hold up has been frustrating did not send out e-mails to their ing two mass e-mails sent to club for all involved”, Ms Misbahuddin respective societies (Alam is head mailing lists, where the recipients told Felix, she issued a warning to of MathSoc; Hassam president of IC did not know who the sender was. future candidates, “This shows that Finance) advertising the elections The Union immediately started an the breaking of rules will not be as they knew that such an act would investigation, which was hindered tolerated; elections must be run and deliberatly swing votes their way. by several factors including the fact fought fairly, and any attempt to Tanvirul appeared defensive, say- that sent e-mails were blind copied breach the rules will be found out”. ing that “My friends who did this (so it could not be seen who the Obviously, some of those disquali- were not on my campaign team … e-mails were sent to), the sent e- fied were not happy with the result. I had no responsibility for what they As the demolition of the much loved Southside building mails were deleted from senders’ Felix spoke to Tanvirul Alam and did”. Both Hassam and Alam were continues (top) a new bar opens in Linstead. The Harrington mail accounts, and the fact that the Haji Hassam, who denied any wrong- also critical of the investigation, Bar & Grill which “is not a Southside replacement” opens at mailing list was split into 15 subsets, doing. “The reason it appeared that with Alam claiming that the Union 12pm today. But, Roger Pownall, Bar Manager, wasn’t too keen with each e-mail sent to a different a mailing list was used is because Executive had already “made up on Felix publicising the opening: “We don’t want everyone to part of the list. “It was only through our friends were e-mailed, and continued page 2 come here until we know we can handle it.” the help of ICT and other electronic being our friends we naturally have infromation that we were able to the same interests, which is why the Leader, page 19 felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

NEWS [email protected] 1,336 felix Millionaire murdered near IC halls Dean Veall The court heard how Monckton, Thursday 24.11.05 head of bonds management at Legal and General was “tricked” into The Old Bailey heard on Monday, 21 opening the door to White, who was What they did next - November, how the daughter of fin- posing as a Royal Mail employee. TeachFirst ancier John Monckton witnessed her White then forced his way into the ‘What are you goin to do when you parents being “brutally” attacked house breaking a security chain on finally leave Imperial?’ near Imperial College halls. The the door with the help of Hanson It’s a question that has most of us attack, last November (Felix 1308) dressed in a balaclava and brandish- at Felix stumped, so we thought left her father dead. ing a knife and firearm, it is alleged. we’d give you some inspiration. Two suspects, Damien Hanson and Hanson demand jewellery and cash We’ve hunted down soem recent Elliot White, both 24, are currently from Ms Monckton. Imperial graduates to find out on trial for murder and wounding The prosecution claims that what they’re doing now. with intent. Richard Horwell for the Hanson stabbed Ms Monckton in the Page 23 u prosecution said witnesses saw back several times as she reached the men fleeing the scene on 29 for the panic alarm, before turning November 2005. The attacks took his attention to Mr Monckton. The place minutes away from Evelyn pair left the house very soon after- Gardens, the location of Imperial ward, leaving with only a few small College halls of residence, in a three items of jewellery. The defence storey townhouse on Upper Cheyne suggested that Mr White was at Row, Chelsea. the scene of the crime as his blood The looks, the spring The attackers left both Mr. was found at the house and he fully and the wardrobe Monckton, 49 and his wife Homeyra, admits to the charges of robbery Winter wonders to warm cold 46 with several knife wounds to the but denies murder. The court heard nights and Kate Thornton chest and back. Monckton later died that there is no scientific evidence to Page 19 u at Chelsea and Westminster hospital place Hanson at the murder scene. John and Homeyra Monckton whilst his wife underwent intensive The trial continues. violently attacked close to surgery, she eventually recovered. Imperial halls of residence This Week Science 4 Arts 12 Film 8 Music 14 Nightlife 16 Comment 18 Environment 10 Imperial wins £4.9m Gates Electionscontinued from page 1 Leader & Letters 19 Agony Aunt/ their mind” as to whether they were AIDS grant guilty or not. Alam added, “Some of Yu Lun Tang the questions they asked were out Sudoku No 1,336 of order”, but he refused to supply Felix with an example. Complete the Imperial College has received a Another disqualified candidate, grid so that 9 1 3 6 £4.9 million grant from the Bill and Shazad Khalid, was even more criti- every row, every Melinda Gates Foundation to design cal of the Union Executive.” I will column and 5 6 a simple, affordable and effective not appeal against the Executive every 3x3 square test to measure the health of victims decision by presenting my case contains the dig- subject to HIV/AIDS in developing in Union Council. We cannot for- its 1 to 9. Email 1 3 8 countries. get the situation that occurred last your solution to In the fight to combat HIV/AIDS, year with Collin Smith’s campaign sudoku.felix 7 5 the crtical disease-fighting cells in HIV/AIDS treatment in Zimbawe in support of Baber Ahmed, [which] @imperial. the blood; CD4+ and T-Lymphocytes caused the arrival of 6 security ac.uk by Friday 1 8 are often difficult to keep track of. tries. guards before Council finally came 4pm. When we The “CD4 Initiative” aims to devel- Professor Stephen Smith, to their humane senses”, he told will randomly op a device to measure such dis- Principal of the Faculty of Medicine Felix. “Since then, they have been select a winner 2 4 ease-fighting cells in an easy to use at Imperial College London, said: trying to re-claim credibility with to receive either manner. “Despite the burden of HIV/AIDS students. Unfortunately in doing a 128MB USB 6 1 9 Current tests are expensive and on the developing world, many of the so, the Executive has been forced stick or a crate require infrastructure and expertise diagnostic tools are just not acces- to point the finger and place the of beer. Last which are often insufficient in devel- sible there due to the high cost blame on some individuals, rightly week’s winner 5 2 oping countries, making sustained and complexity of use. This initiative or wrongly,” he added. was Magdalene productivity of such techniques dif- will help develop new, simple, rapid, The controversy is sure to con- Papacharalam- 3 1 7 4 ficult. It is therefore the objective of robust and affordable tools and help tinue, with Union council reconven- bous. this initiative to develop new tests remove one important barrier to the ing this evening to announce the which are appropriate to such speci- effective implementation of AIDS final results of the election, and to fications in hospitals and clinics in care in these countries.”. discuss the appeals launched by the Africa and other developing coun- disqualified candidates. Staff Editor Fashion Editor News in Brief Babar Ahmad protest Life/Physical Sciences re-branding Rupert Neate Dolly Delanay Shortage of physic teachers Last Friday, 18 November, an The Life Sciences and Physical Deputy Editor (Science) Comment Editor Physics education in England is in impromptu protest took place after Sciences Student Unions are to Alexander Antonov Tristan Sherliker steep decline according to research Islamic Society Friday Prayers in the be merged over the coming year at the University of Buckingham, Union building. It was in response to as a result of the creation of the Business Editor Coffee Break Editor which found entries for physics A- news that Barbar Ahmad, a former new Faculty of Natural Sciences Simon Jones Shaun Stanworth level had fallen by 38% since 1990, IT support technician at Imperial (FoNS)(Felix 1334). despite average entries for A-lev- College, was to be extradited to the A referendum, to decide the new Film Editor TV Editor Ads Manager els rising by 14.6%. Nearly 10% of United States (Felix 1335). Around name of the Faculty Union, will be Yuen Ai Lee Tomo Roberts Anthony Obiekwe sixth forms in England do not offer sixty people protested at the deci- held from Thursday 24 November the subject at A level, and almost sion, and signatures were collected 0:00 to Thurs 1 December 23:59. Music Editor Agony Aunt Editor Copy Editors 40% of sixth forms enter five or against the decision to extradite Mr If you are a member of Life or Andrew Sykes Preya Patel Tristan Sherliker less candidates for exams. Half of Ahmad. External press were present Physical Sciences then vote now! Ryan Dee physics teachers hold no degree from the Wandsworth Borough News The options are: Arts Editor Sports Editor qualifications in the subject at all. and Eastern Eye magazine. 1. Faculty of Natural Sciences Emily Lines Stephen Brown Web Editor What exactly discourages phys- An appeal against the decision to Students Union (FNSSU) David Ingram ics graduates from entering teach- extradite Mr Ahmad is planned by 2. NatSci Nightlife Editor Politics Editor ing? Felix asked a few physics the family, as is a protest for the 11 3. Royal College of Science Union Aaron Mason Matthew Hartfield undergraduates at Imperial their December in London. It was specifi- (RCSU) views. The most popular reasons cally noted that the protest was not 4. (Other suggestions) Food & Drink Editor Books Editor for not entering teaching were the in any way against Imperial College To vote, email kilian.frensch Hannah Theodorou Retesh Bajaj low rates of pay and unenthusi- or the Student Union, but against @imperial.ac.uk from your IC astic pupils. Most sort careers in the decision for extradition by the account stating your preference. Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Telephone 020 7594 8072. Fax 020 banking and advertising. Home Secretary. Results will be announced shortly. 7594 8065. Printed by Sharman & Co Ltd, Newark Road, Peterborough PE1 5TD. No. 1,335, Min Guan Omar Hashmi Thursday 17 November 2005. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2005 felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 3

NEWS [email protected]

BioEngand Students other departments about mov- Protest over noise Evan Morgan ing lectures to another lecture thea- tre. In any case, Prof. King is also Bioenineering students refused to the champion of this long awaited attend lectures in their noisy lectur- project so she is keen that it is over er theatre on Friday 11 November. ASAP. I can’t stress enough that this Instead they held a protest in the is a short-term problem which will Mechanical Engineering Foyer. The solve BioEng’s long term wows.” lecturer theatre in question is locat- The response suggested that since ed in the heart of ongoing construc- Bioengineering students would be tion work in the Bessemer building, one of the main beneficiaries of the and has been plagued by disruption new building in the long term they since the start of term. should put up with the noise for the Concentrating in lectures can be short term. However, this seems difficult enough! But the rumble of to be unfeasible considering that floor shaking pneumatic drills often the building works are planned to made it near impossible, leading continue well into next year and will to the spontaneous cancellation of eventually involve the demolition of numerous classes. At the end of the main entrance to the lecture October a petition signed by over 140 theatre. students was passed to Prof. Richard In the days leading up to the protest Kitney, Dean of Engineering, stating Mr Singh urged students not to get that the students found their learn- “too excited about the issue”. Some ing conditions unacceptable. students regarded this statement Prof. John Lever, Head of the as “patronising… and illustrative Deptartment of Bioengineering, had of the resounding apathy that con- been assured at the beginning of fronted students since they raised term that by use of new, advanced this complaint in the first weeks of Students protesting at Imperial - Whatever next? machinery, building noise would be term”. Indeed Singh’s claim that minimal. He then attempted to solve any strike or room boycott would be the protest action”. Business School, Royal School of Bioengineering is one of the smallest the problem by informing the build- of no help to anyone only served to Speaking to Felix last week, Prof. Mines, Mechanical Engineering at Imperial with an expected annual ing works manager of the 2nd year make the students more determined King said, “I wasn’t aware there Building, Huxley Building and ACE intake of only 50 students. Last year timetable and instructing him that to show that they considered their was a protest. If I had known I Roderick Hill (Prince Consort Rd.). students saw their medical science no work should take place during studying environment simply unac- would have acted sooner - students Prof King implied that Imperial stu- practicals cancelled almost entirely lecture slots. However, the noise ceptable in an academic institution deserve an apology as they’ve had a dents are lucky “they don’t have to (due to unavailability of laboratory continued regardless, making it as renowned as Imperial College. rotten time”. She added, “we need to cycle between lectures like I had to space) and their computer room cut apparent that the only reliable solu- Although many would expect the look at the processes to ensure this at Cambridge”. down to a third of its original size. tion would be to find replacement CGCU to be the one of the primary doesn’t happen again” but then went Despite the fact that plans to move This was all due to a lack of facili- lecture theatres. bodies to support such actions stu- on to say, “there’s no guarantee with lectures to these venues had been ties, which raises the question: is To address the growing frustra- dents were instead left high and dry building works, I would like to say it made before the protest took place, it right to run a course which does tions of students, City and Guilds by the Union. The protest appeared wouldn’t happen again, but can’t”. the students still voted unanimously not have the essential institutional College Union (CGCU) President to bring instant results, with a lec- As of last week the second year in a meeting with year reps that they support to allow it to live up to the Siddharth Singh raised the issue turer finding a quiet lecture theatre students will no longer be return- should voice their resentment at standards expected from a world in a meeting with Prof. Julia King, in the Deptartment of Aeronautical ing to the Bessemer Building. They having had to put up with “deplor- class University? Head of the Faculty of Engineering. Engineering where the students will, however, be getting a little bit able conditions” for six weeks. In feedback from the meeting had the remaining day’s classes. In more exercise between lectures. Unfortunately this hasn’t been For more information and to listen Siddharth Singh said, “Someone an apparent shift of position Singh Their classes have been relocated the first of their troubles either. to a sound clip visit www.cgcu. should be talking to BioEngineering later e-mailed the class to “applaud to available rooms in the Tanaka The Undergraduate course in net/bioeng

����������������� ����������� �������������� A dressing down for Sir Richard ������� �������������� Chris Miles the Rector. This seems somewhat lege’s press officer, Sir Richard con- card, providing their identity can be ��������������������������������

contradictory to the rather stern and tinues, “It’s not a black and white verified by other means. Students ������������������ ������������� ������ ����������������� authoritarian e-mail sent via various situation, it’s not a change from who outright refuse to display cards, ����������� Felix wins award Two weeks have gone by since faculties some time after the offi- today until tomorrow, it’s just about however, will be dealt with on an ������� ����� ������� Felix (1334) first reported the dra- cial announcement was made. One being sensible and realistic because individual basis. ������� ���������������� ��������������������� ������������������� conian dress regulations annouced student tells Felix, “Maybe passing if you see someone in the building, “It’s like any college ruling; there’s ����������������� by Imperial’s Management Board policies and then debating retro- not out on the road, and they look a going to be a gradual transition. If ����� stating that all students must wear spectively is the Imperial College bit odd and you see they’re wearing someone says ‘I am not wearing my their identity cards whilst on college way of doing things but common a badge, you don’t take any notice. card’, I shall treat every instance ����������������� property and abide by a stringent sense tells us that isn’t particularly If they’re not wearing a badge you differently, on its own merits. From dress code. The annoucement has fair or effective.” Understandably, think “oh that’s a bit strange” and a security point of view it’s a very ������������������������������������������������� Rupert Neate been causing quite a stir both within Sir Richard has been used to wear- if something went wrong and we efficient policy, especially consider- Editor Imperial College have announced a strict dress code for its students and staff. Failure to comply could result in students being “removed from the College’s premises”. College and wider education com- ing identification for the whole of his didn’t have a system whereby peo- ing the recent thefts from campus The dress code states that “at all times while on campus staff and stu- dents must wear their College iden- tity cards”. On top of this employees and students are told to “refrain munity, the issue features in yester- corporate life, but when he starts ple carried identification, then we’d where people are able to stroll off from wearing clothing that obscures the face such as a full or half veil, hooded tops or scarves worn across the face”. The rationale behind this is that it will “maximise our [College’s] chances of detecting the day’s Guardian. inflicting mandatory regulations seriously be in trouble. If you go into the street during the day and enter presence of anyone who shouldn’t be here”. According to Imperial, this dress code has been implemented “in light of security concerns raised by the terrorist incidents which If a cursory glance around the unseen in any other UK university, the city today you can’t get into a college buildings” occurred over the summer”. The ruling appears to be quite unenforceable as there are numer- ous entrances to the College, and there is a public right of way straight through the middle of College along foyer of the Sherfield building is he can expect unrest amongst the building without identification. You As far as offensive dress is con- Imperial College Road, connecting Queens Gate to Exhibition Road. It is clear that College also have doubts about the enforceability of the ruling. An Imperial spokesper- anything to go by, it appears that student body. know, fine, we all want to be free and cerned, “You need to have some sort son told Felix, “It’s not a question of it being enforceable – rather it is a question of College security. We expect all students to take their What Not To Wear! Imperial’s verision of Trinny and Susannah won’t like you wearing a scarf, hoodie or “offensive clothing” (left). the stern security measures have Asked specifically about the wearing not have to do this but unfortunately of guideline; It’s just officially been Continued on page 3 You could be escourted off campus if you don’t wear your swipe card around your neck (right). Imperial plc, here we come. fallen upon deaf ears. Curious as of hoodies, scarves and ‘offensive’ this is the will of the world today. put in writing. If someone com- Felix’s front page is “an overreac- to whether instructing over 10,000 dress, the Rector replies, “And what We would expect people just to be plains to us that they find something tion, to what should be a mature students to wear a red band with we don’t want are people completely mature and sensible about this.” offensive, we shall use our com- debate” Sir Richard Sykes their credentials around their neck covered. It’s nothing about hav- We took these statements to Terry mon sense and if necessary discuss would have any constructive effect ing a scarf, that’s just being ludi- Branch, Chief Security Officer, to amongst ourselves to judge whether on college property, considering whatsoever, Felix went straight to crous. Just as long as we’re all sen- find out how strong the College’s college intervention is appropriate”. the sale of Imperial College hooded the Rector himself. sible about it at the end of the day.” sentiments were being conveyed to Yesterday, a Security Officer told clothing at the Union shop, he replies Armed with the benefit of hind- Sensible isn’t the word of choice the Security team. Responding to Felix: “We had an intruder enter “They’re not banned to my knowl- sight, Felix spoke to Sir Richard from Kian Low, Welfare Campaigns the perceived lack of compliance Beit Hall on Sunday morning. We edge, no”. Common sense seems and the Chief Security Officer for Officer, telling Felix, “The college amongst the students, he says checked camera recordings but to be a recurring theme although Operations, Mr Branch, to find out should not have the authority to “around 50% are wearing their cards could not identify him, or print a the interpretation of such is very what exactly is going on and why judge what is ‘offensive’. What may around campus at the moment, this photo, because he was wearing a much still up for debate. Telling people were taking more notice of be offensive to one person may not will gradually improve once students hoodie. One could say this was com- Felix there have been daily briefings the neighbouring Natural History be to another. If anything it should get used to it”, however accepts that mon sense, in this cold weather, amongst security staff, and no com- Museum Ice Rink than they were of be the student union that lays out there will never be 100% compliance. yet it prevents us being an effec- plaints of intimidation or otherwise ‘immediate’ college policy. what is ‘offensive’, which can be Addressing the concerns echoed by tive security service.”. Hoodies, it have been received relating to this “It’s a question of being sensible and properly defined by the students many readers, Mr. Branch tells Felix seems, are not banned providing new guideline, Terry Branch seems so this is an overreaction to what themselves.” that no student shall be thrown off they aren’t used to cover the face. confident that this is one initiative should be a mature debate,” says Following consultation with the col- college property if they forget their Asked whether they were welcome which is here to stay. felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

science [email protected] Regarding the pain of others João Medeiros reports from the Christian Medical Fellowship’s debate on euthanasia n 10 October 2001 Diane ment is currently seeking to over- relatives or possibly their medical my views on them. And that is the Pretty went to the High turn the Oregon law in the Supreme practitioners to act covertly and help message that needs to go right up Court in a plea for the Court. However, if the law is found What is being them to die in some discreet manner, the Christian hierarchy and not just right to terminate her to be constitutional, many federal hoping this will not come to the light the Christian Medical Fellowship. I life. She was paralysed states are hoping to follow Oregon’s proposed is a of the authorities, so that there will think fanaticism, in any religion, is fromO the neck down, doubly incon- example. be no persecution, but recognizing counter productive to the benefit of tinent, and in need of constant care. Of all countries, Switzerland is by major change that that risk exists, and when they society.” Despite overwhelming public sup- far the most liberal with respect to die, they will not know if they near- port, Pretty’s request was denied, assisted suicide, allowing it even in the law on est and dearest will subsequently be as was her later appeal to the House when performed by non-physicians, charged. Finally, their other option SARAH BARCLAY: Diane, have of Lords: the UK was not ready to the only safeguard being that no intentional is to take themselves off overseas you had enough? legalise assisted suicide. Having lost selfish reasons are involved. It also and visit a commercial organisation DIANE PRETTY: Mmm a two-year legal battle, she was left allows foreign citizens to be assisted killing and available in Switzerland where it is BARCLAY: Enough of this? to die in the way she least wanted: to commit suicide on Swiss territory, possible to purchase assistance in DIANE: (nods head, distressed and in pain. a situation which has been commer- suicide dying. We like to think of ourselves affirmative) Today, the march towards legali- cialised to an extent by Dignitas, an as a caring, affectionate, tolerant, BARCLAY: If you had your sation has progressed considerably organisation which provides assist- maybe even loving society, but what way, would you rather die since the Pretty case. Last July, ance in suicide in exchange for a an indictment on a soci- now? the British Medical Association small fee. Reportedly, 20 Britons ety with those values DIANE: Mmm (nods head, dropped its long-held opposition to have already used its services. when our most troubled affirmative) assisted dying in favour of a neutral “I have the greatest respect citizens have to go over- BARCLAY: Does your life have stance. Proposals to allow doctors for palliative care, it does great seas to seek the relief we any quality left for you? to help terminally ill people die were things for so many people. But cannot afford them.” DIANE: Ergh (shakes head, reintroduced in the House of Lords there are some patients whom Can a religious per- negative) this month and await discussion. we are unable to help,” said Dr spective bring a valid BARCLAY: None at all? The Assisted Dying for the Margaret Brainthwaithe, a barris- perspective to the debate DIANE: (shakes head, Terminally Bill was also the subject ter and former consultant physi- on an increasingly secu- negative) of a debate last week at a slightly cian and anaesthetist at the Royal lar society? “My biggest more academic venue – Imperial Brompton Hospital and a member fear is for tolerance. I Excerpt from the programme College. The event was organised of the Voluntary Euthanasia Society. can respect the view of “Please Help Me Die”, by the Christian Medical Fellowship “Some of them feel so strongly that the Christian faith, but broadcast in May 2002 by the and the Imperial College Christian they starve and dehydrate them- they shouldn’t impose BBC. Sarah Barclay, a reporter, Union. Two guest speakers tack- selves to death. Alternatively, they their views on me any- speaks to Diane Pretty. led the arguments for and against can persuade their friends, their Diane Pretty – a painful death. more than I am imposing euthanasia. “In my own clinical and personal life I’ve watched many people die, and I can think of several occasions where I was strongly tempted to give lethal medication just to end it Want to ask Stephen Hawking about Einstein? all. But I always held back from that final step, not least because there CERN, the European Organisation tionary, world-changing commu- is a clear prohibition of the law on for Nuclear Research, is the nication technologies invented intentional killing, but also I have a world’s largest particle physics as a result of scientific research. profound conviction that deliberate centre where scientists explore Hosted by Gareth Mitchell from killing is wrong. What is actually what matter is made of and what 4.30pm to 6pm, there will be key being proposed is a major change the forces that hold it together appearances by the pioneers of the in the law on intentional killing and are. Thursday 1 December will Internet, Vint Cerf, Peter Kirstein, on suicide. Let’s not try to sani- be a celebration of CERN’s 50th and Robert Cailliau. There will tise the reality with compassionate birthday, the 100th anniversary also be live connections to the words,” said Prof Wyatt, a professor of Einstein’s publication of the IceCube experiment, a one-cubic- of neonatal paediatrics at University Special Theory of Relativity, and kilometre high-energy neutrino College London and an expert on the World Year of Physics. CERN observatory at the South Pole. Christian medical ethics. will celebrate by hosting a 12-hour Before CERN hands transmis- “We recognize that life is a gift. It webcast about Einstein and the sion over to Imperial College, may come from a Christian under- future of physics beyond Einstein. physics Nobel laureates Murray standing that life is special, but most So how is Imperial College relat- Gell-Mann, David Gross, Gerard people, even if they don’t have a ed to this? Well, CERN is working t’Hooft, and Stephen Hawking will religious faith, understand that life in collaboration with Imperial and answer questions live from the is special and recognise that we 19 other UK universities in the Solvay conference in Brussels. are a community, we belong to one construction of GridPP, the UK Other partner institutions host- another, and therefore what you do Grid for Particle Physics. The Grid ing different programmes affects me and vice versa. Assisting is a network of computers running throughout the 12-hour webcast suicide strikes at the heart of this together, designed to analyse the include the National Science understanding. It seems to me that immense amount of data acquired Education Center in Taipei, suicide is not a right to be assisted, from the Large Hadron Collider the Exploratorioum in San it is a tragic sign of despair to be (LHC). If you are a non-physicist Francisco, Fermilab in Chicago, prevented.” (or have not read Dan Brown’s the Bloomfield Science Museum Currently, assisted dying is legal Angels and Demons), the LHC will in Jerusalem, and the Telecom in few places in the world. In the smash particles travelling at near- Future Lab in Venice. Netherlands, 1 in 40 deaths are light speeds in a 27-kilometre-long Follow the webcast live from your due to assisted suicide or volun- circular tunnel underneath the computer, for a unique chance to tary euthanasia. In the US, assisted Swiss and French Alps. Scheduled interact with Nobel laureates on suicide is only permitted by law in for completion by 2007, its aim is live Q&A from 11.00 to 23.00 GMT the state of Oregon, albeit under to recreate the conditions of the on 1 December. a very strict set of a priori condi- early universe, a fraction of a sec- tions from the patient. Since 1997, ond after the Big Bang. Daniela de Angel 208 patients, most of them suffering From the Internet to the Grid from cancer, made use of the right to and Neutrinos, Imperial College All the information you need is on Imperial College will host a webcast on Thursday 1 December, an assisted suicide. The US govern- will present a history of revolu- http://beyond-einstein.web.cern.ch celebrating CERN’s 50th birthday and the world year of physics. felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

SCIENCE [email protected] A Beddington ecological utopia? João Vitor Serra weighs up the advantages and disadvantages of UK’s largest eco-village

ow do you imagine the been burnt or put into landfills), and important qustion about air quality impressed, even if you are a big fan used in the houses is highly damag- future? Alex Proyas, have no heating or air conditioning. unanswered. of fossil fuels). ing to the environment. The people director of I, Robot, sees So here’s the flaw! How do these How do you guarantee good qual- What’s not so positive about this at ZEDFactory tolds us that despite a future of auto-piloted people put up with the cold winter ity fresh air if you don’t have forced highly innovative community then? the negative environmental impacts cars, friendly robots, months (and ‘hot’ summer days)? or natural ventilation? A highly cre- Firstly, these ‘tree huggers’ are of these materials, the overall result Hand other high-tech, environmen- Large double-glazed windows pro- ative ventilation system using a heat guilty of driving your conventional was overwhelmingly positive. tally clean gadgets. Ridley Scott, vide for a greenhouse type of heat- exchanger based on simple aerody- highly polluting internal combustion In fact, these were the only two sig- director of Blade Runner, sees fly- ing effect and prevent heat loss. namic principles ensures that fresh petrol cars. Sure, they do have a car- nificant disadvantages of BedZED. ing cars, androids, and pollution. So The offices are built on the lower air enters while ‘contaminated’ sharing system, which means they Which means it does quite well from which is it? Are we heading towards levels, so that heat generated by air is expelled, and heat inside the don’t drive everywhere they go, but an environmental perspective. an emissions-free, fossil fuel-free electronic equipment cycles up into house is maintained without need the cars still use petrol! So where were all the crazy tree economy, or will we maintain our the living areas. This still leaves one for energy input. (I know you are all Secondly, the insulation material huggers? Actually, the people living current emissions trends? there were rather down-to-earth. Most people have probably never My real problem was that despite heard of BedZED – Beddington Zero having been reassured that most of (Fossil) Emissions Development. them were friendly and highly inte- BedZED is the first and largest grated in the community, the place UK eco-village. The mixed develop- looked like a graveyard. It remind- ment complex includes 100 homes ed me of books like The Giver or and additional office space. More Fahrenheit 451, where society has importantly, however, it claims to reached some kind of utopian life- be carbon neutral. In other words, style through brain washing! BedZED is not meant to contribute Maybe this is a touch too extreme to global warming through the emis- and while I was impressed by sion of carbon dioxide and other BedZED, why weren’t simpler solu- pollutants. tions appropriate to larger commu- Recently, the Imperial College nities implemented? If you face real- branch of Engineers Without ity, people require ‘luxuries’, such Borders (EWB) visited BedZED and as computers, heating and air con- had a look at how exactly this com- ditioning, cars, and so on. Why not munity functions. try to provide them with the same Personally, I was very sceptical but more efficient energy-conserv- about the project’s success. I expect- ing technologies, without being as ed to be let down either because radical as BedZED. it would turn out to have ‘hidden’ As engineering and science stu- emission sources or because I would dents, we found visiting BedZED encounter uptight tree-hugging hip- quite an interesting experience. One pies, running around and preaching day we’ll all have to realise that the against other people’s dirty way of way we abuse of our scarce natural life on the outside. resources will end up harming our Here’s what I found out. They have own children, if not us. BedZED a highly effective recycling system, may seem ugly and unliveable, but it treat all of their waste water and is a considerable step forward. reuse it (though they do bring in new drinking water), use solar pan- To find out more, visit: els and a Combined Heat and Power www.zedfactory.com and (CHP) system run on woodchip www.bioregional.com, or contact waste (which would otherwise have BedZED: a graveyard or a vision of fossil fuel-free future? the Imperial branch of EWB

because of the risk of discovery. Such studies indicate the difficulty of the battle we face in order to Giving women control in HIV prevention change attitudes towards women; however, perhaps measures Women now represent approxi- grail’ of HIV research, is still a Three types of compounds with The rapid dissemination of HIV such as microbicides, which give mately 50% of the 39.4 million living long way off and therefore improv- differing mechanisms of action are infection must be stemmed and, women a degree of control in their with HIV worldwide, with higher ing preventative measures in currently being investigated. One since heterosexual intercourse relationships, are a small step proportions (up to 60%) in the worst the meantime is paramount. The such chemical works by destroy- represents the majority of newly towards this goal. affected areas such as Sub-Saharan development of vaginal micro- ing the envelope surrounding acquired infections, a preventative Africa. bicides, as a method of reduc- the virus. However, high toxicity method giving control to women Ruvandhi Nathavitharana In addition to an increased bio- ing HIV transmission that gives of such compounds may cause is highly desirable. However, MEDSIN logical susceptibility to infection control to women, has stimulated local irritation and inflammation, despite the potential held by vagi- (owing to significant mucous expo- which could enhance nal microbicides, there are many sure to seminal fluids), women are transmission of HIV issues surrounding the acceptabil- at a greater risk due to issues of and other STDs. For ity of such a measure. Alongside gender inequality such as non-con- this reason, new the need for clinical efficacy, it is sensual sex and the poverty-driven structures with lower essential for social and behaviour- need for commercial sex. The vaginal toxicity are al factors to be taken into account. well-known ABC mantra (Abstain, being developed. Studies of men in Zimbabwe and Be faithful, use Condoms) is not Other polymers act South Africa have highlighted con- Imperial AIDS Awareness Week always applicable in developing by blocking the entry cerns over safety and side effects 26 November – 2 December countries, where the decision to of HIV into cells, and such as infertility, as well as other use a condom often rests with the third candidate problems, such as the use of such Sat 26th: “People, Possiblities, the male. Analyses looking at the for a microbicide measures indicating lack of trust and Promises” conference, outcome of HIV infection based acts by blocking in a partner, meaning that their Charing Cross Hospital on gender have highlighted a 33% viral replication. use in long-term relationships Mon 28th, Tue 29th: higher mortality rate in women Women in develop- is limited. Men generally did not IC Drama Society Play participating in various studies, ing countries do not want a microbicide to act simul- Tue 29th: Debate in part due to lack of access to have the wealth of taneously as a contraceptive, and Thu 1st: Vigil health care and social support. Sisters are doin’ it for themselves. contraceptive options many indicated that they would Fri 2nd: Party Redressing the balance of power that are available in be angry if they discovered their is crucial if we are to lessen the much interest. These are chemi- the Western world, and so there is wives to be using microbicides For more information, visit impact of HIV on this currently cal agents (various forms such potential to develop microbicides without permission. Interestingly, www.positivelyred.co.uk or contact vulnerable population. as gels, creams, tablets and sup- with a spermicidal action, which many women also indicated that [email protected]. For more It has been accepted that the positories are available) used by a may increase their appeal for covert use of such a product was details ring 07709 566752. All creation of a vaccine, the ‘holy woman before sexual intercourse. women. not welcomed, perhaps mostly fundraising for charity in Africa. felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

business [email protected] Toyota takes pole position as GM heads towards bankruptcy Trader vanishes after $120m losses, Copper price rallies

Simon Jones

Toyota, the Japanese car-manufac- turer, is set to overtake General Motors as the world’s largest car manufacturer. The Japanese com- pany is already both more profitable and more valuable than GM, and is set to produce 9.2m cars this year. GM last week shocked the mar- kets by announcing that it had over- stated earnings for 2001 and the sec- ond quarter of this year. The restate- ments mean GM has so far this year lost $3.8bn (£2.1bn). The accounts for the three years between 2001 and 2005 are also under question, and GM’s share price has fallen to its lowest level in since 1992. Earlier this year the ratings agen- cies, who determine the cost of bor- rowing for companies, downgraded High petrol prices have hit sales of General Motors’ profitable SUVs, which include the Hummer H3, above, which returns less than 16mpg. the credit ratings of both GM and Ford, the world’s third largest auto- and employee benefits, as they try to tion. GM is so dependent on Delphi to cars such as Toyotas’ Prius, the the efficiency of its manufacturing manufacturer, raising their costs of return to profitability. GM last week that if the supplier was to collapse, petrol-electric hybrid, and GM and processes reflect the fact that the borrowing for fears that the com- announced plans to shed 25,000 jobs or if its workers were to launch Ford have yet to introduce a similar Japanese company is far more prof- panies would not generate enough in and close several factories over a strike, GM would have to cease fuel-efficient vehicle to their line- itable than its US counterpart. cash to pay the interest on the their the next three-and-a-half years, production, and would rapidly burn ups. GM has been offering hefty dis- A senior figure at the Banc of borrowings. while Ford has announced a cut of through it $19.2bn (£10bn) cash pile. counts of around $3,500 per vehicle, America puts the chance of GM Adding to the woes of the American 4,000 white-collar jobs, equivalent At GM’s heyday in the 1960s the in order to clear swollen inventories going bankrupt in the next two years auto-manufacturers are the rising to 10 per cent of its North American company controlled over 60 per cent of unsold cars and trucks, squeezing as high as 50 per cent, predicting employee provisions. GM estimates white-collar workforce. of the US car market, but market- profit margins on its vehicles. that even in the event of filing for that its pensions and healthcare Both GM and Ford have spun-off share has steadily fallen through 40 Of the vehicles that Toyota sells in bankruptcy in the US, the compa- costs total $90bn and $77bn respec- their parts and components busi- per cent in the 1980s, to around 22 the US, more than 60 per cent were ny should have ample cash to get tively. The powerful United Auto nesses in recent years in an effort to per cent today. Most recently high produced there. The weakness of through and re-organize. Worker’s Union (UAW) of the US reduce over-heads, but GM’s suppli- oil prices have sent sales of gas-guz- the Japanese currency, the Yen, is has been locked in talks with Ford er and former subsidiary ‘Delphi’ is zling SUVs plummeting, and the US one factor helping Toyota, but the and GM over potential cuts to wages currently under bankruptcy protec- manufacturers have had no answer companies’ tight cost control and Chances of GM bankruptcy 50:50 Simon Jones believed that demand from China its mines, driving prices higher. would weaken, and that new sup- The price of gold is currently plies would help to depress prices. at an 18-year high of around $485 A senior Chinese metal trader has The SRB of China has been per ounce. The price of the yellow disappeared, after a series of bets on accused by some traders of attempt- metal has traditionally kept pace the price of copper that may amount ing to manipulate the markets by with inflation, and is seen as a long- to $120 million of losses. Liu Qibing, over-estimating its copper reserves term and low-risk store of wealth. who allegedly worked for China’s and by auctioning-off up to 52,000 Gold production has been relatively State Resources Bureau (SRB) is tonnes of the metal, in order to flat since 1997, when the price was understood to have placed bets last over-supply the market and push closer to $200 per ounce. The weak- year that the price of copper would down prices. China claims to have ness of the dollar has meant that fall from $3,200 per tonne, but the reserves of 1.3m tonnes of cop- central banks – who in recent years price has rallied to over $4,200 per per, but analysts put the figure at were heavy sellers of gold – are now Prices of precious and industrial metals have soared in recent months, tonne. Chinese officials denied that closer to 200,000. On Monday the turning towards gold as a serious on the back of strong demand from China, and supply problems. the Bureau’s internal controls had UK’s Financial Services Authority alternative to currencies. failed to detect the losses earlier. announced that it was investigat- Platinum prices reached a 26-year es of the metal in 2004. Jewellery per ounce in 2006. Mr Qibing “short-sold” between ing allegations that China was trad- peak of $988 per ounce, on the back demand has also contributed to a Earlier this year, mining giant Rio 100,000 and 200,000 tonnes of copper ing unlicenced on the London Metal of supply problems from mines in surge in demand for the rare metal. Tinto and BHP Billiton negotiated that he didn’t own, expecting to buy Exchange. South Africa where the majority Speculative money, from hedge- a 70 per cent rise in the price of the metal at a lower price later in the The world’s largest copper produc- of the world’s platinum is mined. funds and other investors accounts iron ore shipped from Australia to year, before the metal was sched- er, Chile, reported strong demand Increasingly strict emissions laws for 73 per cent of all the bets that the China. Other base metals including uled for delivery this December. from builders and manufacturers in have boosted the price of platinum price of platinum will rise next year, Aluminium and zinc are also trading Mr Qibing’s position was popular China – the world’s largest consum- – a key component in catalytic con- and this influx of money is expected at multi-year highs. among many traders last year who er – that would exceed supply from verters, which required 3.51m ounc- to push platinum prices over $1,000 felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 7 What they did next Alisdair Falconer & Pedram Parasmand Ruby Chu meets two recent graduates of the highly acclaimed Teach First scheme. Pedram graduated with an MSci in Physics in 2001 and now teaches in a secondary school. Alisdair, who also graduated in 2001 (Chemistry MSci), has qualified with Teach First and recently begun working for a pharmaceutical company.

The Appeal of Teach First do because it does provide you with all sorts of Falconer: During my final year, I was one of the people who avenues you can explore. However, you must was unsure of what I wanted to do once I completed my be connected with the teaching and wanting degree. I wanted to make use of my degree in some way, to make a valuable contribution to society. instead of going into something like accountancy. However, Whether or not Teach First opens more doors having worked as a medicinal chemist during my indus- for you really depends on how you approach trial placement at GSK, I also knew I didn’t want to go into it. Some people come out of Teach First and research at a graduate level. The reason for this is that I all they do is teach. Others do networking and didn’t want to commit to 2-3 years of post-doctoral work with build up more opportunities for themselves. I the aim of one career at the end of it, which would be as a feel that with a PhD it’s similar. It depends on medicinal chemist. There was a lot I loved about labs but also what you personally want to get out of it, at the a lot I didn’t, which was why I was so undecided. This is when end of the day. However, deciding on what to Teach First came along. I saw it as an opportunity to study do after you degree is very personal and it is a management course and as somewhere I could use my difficult to say what is the best advice to give. degree to teach students but at the same time not be totally committed to a career in teaching. So at the time, it seemed Miss most about Imperial like the perfect choice for me. Previously I didn’t think of a Falconer: Southside Bar. I also miss the Union career in teaching. I had always wondered what teaching on Friday nights. Although I’d hate to go there would be like and I would have liked to try teaching to see if now. It was one of those things you did as a it was the career for me. In this way Teach First was ideal as fresher with all your friends. it offered me a taste of teaching and let me give back to the community (to put it in a cheesy way). For me Teach First opened up more doors. You get so much out of it and come out as a qualified teacher. I went into the scheme knowing For me Teach First that at least for some time I would not become a teacher but because I have the qualification I could always go back to it at opened up doors. any time. The way I see it, I didn’t shut any doors but poten- tially opened several more and I’ve learnt a lot about myself You get so much through this scheme.

Parasmand: I actually took two years out before doing Teach out of it and come First. I graduated and started working for the civil service. I then went to Africa with the charity Raleigh International. out as a qualified During this time, I was trying to sort out what I wanted to do. Teach First hadn’t really started yet and I was trying to con- teacher. I’ve learnt vince myself that I wanted to become an accountant. Then, through Milkround I heard about Teach First and out of inter- est, I decided to apply. Having then spoken to someone from a lot about myself Teach First, I decided to complete my application. I went through the interviewing process and got a place for Teach through the scheme First, and here I am, teaching. However, if Teach First was available to me straight after my degree, I probably would have done the course immediately and not taken the two of Parasmand: When I was at Imperial, I enjoyed years out. my time there. However, after my four years What appealed to me was that the course seemed like an there, I was prepared to leave. In a way, I kind exciting way to spend two years. It was a worthwhile chal- of said my goodbyes without looking back; Alisdair Falconer is now working for a pharmaceutical company. lenge, not just helping the kids but it also helped me. With the always look forward, never look back. way the course is designed, you’re forced to develop all sorts some special fitness equipment in his room. We faked a let- of skills and be able to deal with all manner of people. I’m only Friends from Imperial ter from the housekeeper saying that there have been some a teacher now because of Teach First. Although I’m happy to Falconer: I’m still in close contact with friends from Imperial, strange noises coming from his room. He received it and took be a teacher right now, that doesn’t mean I’m always going to especially friends from halls. I met up with a Norwegian it very seriously. So he went to talk to the housekeeper about be a teacher. I feel that there are still many more opportuni- friend of mine from halls, having not seen him in 3 years and it, only he didn’t know what he was talking about! ties for me out there. nothing has changed. My core group of friends are still from Another good memory, first day of second year, my flatmate Through Teach First, I’ve met a lot of people that I wouldn’t Imperial. People you meet there are more like-minded, you all and I went out for a heavy drinking night. The next morning I have had the chance to meet otherwise and in that sense it’s enjoy science. In that way, you create a network of Imperial looked at my alarm clock blurry eyed and realised that it was given me this network of people. I have to say that working friends. I’m actually going to a wedding of two very good 10 minutes to our lecture. So I got up and banged on his door with children do have its fun moments. In my first year of friends of mine who met at Imperial. They got together in to wake him up. Then I went back to bed and realised that it teaching, I asked a year 8 class what an organism was. This their second year (she was a physicist and he was a biologist). was two hours too early. So I thought nothing of it and went girl raises her hand and whispers to me: “Is that what girls Now he’s working as an accountant and she’s a laser physi- back to sleep. Later in the evening I came home to find my get when they have sex?” cist at Imperial. flatmate not particularly chuffed. He told me he arrived at his lecture at 7:10am and so had to help the caretaker turn on all On doing a PhD Parasmand: I’ve got two separate groups of friends at the lights in our department. Falconer: I did think about doing a PhD. However, if I was to Imperial that I still keep in close contact with. One group is have done a PhD, it would have been done to benefit a par- more international and the other live almost around the cor- Parasmand: I guess the first thing that comes to me when I ticular career goal. Although I believe you get a lot of skills by ner from me. I don’t really label them as Imperial friends, to think of Imperial is how international it is. You meet people doing a PhD, it would have led me down a more chemistry- me they’re just my good friends. In fact a friend of mine who from all over the world that you probably never would have based career path and in that way Teach First seemed more has just finished his PhD at Imperial came to my school to met otherwise. favourable for my particular goals. give a talk. Some of my students saw him and said, “He don’t look like no doctor!” because their idea of a doctor is a medi- If you had to do it all over again, would you choose Parasmand: Although I thought about doing a PhD, I was cal doctor. Imperial? seeking new and different challenges and decided that a Falconer: Yes. When you look back on it, you realise I’d rather PhD was not for me. In a way I would definitely recommend Imperial memories have gone there and achieve everything I did there than to Teach First for people who aren’t sure of what they want to Falconer: A friend of mine, who’s very keen on fitness, had have gone anywhere else. felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

film [email protected] Johnny Depp’s back, back again This winter, we’ll be having another dose of him in The Libertine disguises himself as a bogus doctor The Libertine to save his own life. Unfortunately Director: Laurence Dunmore for him, his sexual misadventures Starring: Johnny Depp, Saman- have chosen this time to punish tha Morton and Rosamund Pike. him. Elizabeth, his beloved theatre Length: 114 minutes darling also abandons him since she has now achieved the star status Certificate:18 she has so coveted and has no use Released:18 Novermber 2005 for a crippled earl. Fortunately for HHHII him, his wife Elizabeth (Rosamund Pike) remains true to his bedside while his body self-destructs from e’ve seen him play past indulgences. the curiously facial- From a critique’s point of view, hair lacking Mr Willy the story isn’t a unique one. Hence, Wonka in Charlie the director’s choice to make this and The Chocolate into a film isn’t exactly an inspired WFactory, this time round, in a movie decision. Fortunately for the direc- Johnny Depp claimed to be close to tor, he has Johnny Depp’s talents to his own personal history, he is the fall back on. However, is a one-man morally corrupted womanizer the show enough to make this film spec- Earl of Rochester. tacular? Set against the shocking and sen- Personally, I have always been a sual backdrop of the Restoration, fan of Johnny Depp and there were The Libertine follows the story of a scattering of memorable scenes in John Wilmot, the second earl of the film. One of them was a shot of Rochester. He is the libertine of the the earl lying helpless in his chair, generation: rebellious, scandalous pissing onto the floor as he had lost without a regard for any social taboo the ability to control his own blad- or restriction. Strangely enough, he der. When his wife enters the room, is very much revered for his eccen- he tries in vain to assume a more tricity. So King Charles II asks for dignified position. However, his wife his help to boost the royal highness’ can see all the horrible marks his popularity among his loyal subjects. disease has left on him. Hurt and However, the earl is tired of his frustrated, Elizabeth spits out her libertine status. From a wine bot- displeasure with his self-destructing tle, he seeks solace from the per- tendencies. Nevertheless, for all his sistent dullness and emptiness that bastardly ways, she loves him and has confined him all his life. He stays to help him until death comes meets Elizabeth Barry (Samantha to take him away. Morton), a plain but fiery actress The film will serve to impress those wannabe. He makes her his protégé who have not yet seen his role as the despite his friends’ many protesta- maniacal pirate in Pirates of the tions. As a result, his social status Caribbean. However, an emotional, When a man thinks with his heart and not his dick he’s in for a spot of trouble. falls from the sky to the murky pits seeker of life’s meaning earl is too as she rises to become England’s much of a cliche. He’s depressed, than the other depressing films I’ve entertainment channel type of film that’s bound to make you a Johnny biggest star in the theatrical world. fine. He finds his life meaningless, seen. The director could still have but its a poetic and artistic wannabe Depp convert but it’s definitely not In his alcoholic daze, he writes a too bad. Seriously, this story is just captured the mood of the film better that might appeal to some of you out his most fantastic film to date. play of dildoes and of kings who can’t a horribly overdone steak: dry and if there was some internal narrative there. Watch it if you love Johnny get it up. He is charged with mak- tough to swallow. The only perk was in the film. Depp or if you have no idea of Yuen Ai Lee ing a mockery of the king and he that this story was easier to follow In a nutshell, it’s not your typical Johnny Depp’s greatness. It’s a film Film Editor

ForeignIt definitely pleased the film critics in theof Cannes the Film Festival,week: but what Atash about Felix? Surprisingly enough, Atash is just mother rebel against their father. Atash a simple family story. Abu Shukri The situation might have been dif- Director: Tawfik Abu Wael (Hussein Yassin Mahajne) is the ferent if Abu did not coerce his fam- Starring: Hussein Yassin Mahajne, head of the family and he rules with ily into giving up school and other Amal Bweerat and Roba Blal. an iron-fist. However, it’s not just a aspects of their social life to make Length: 110minutes story of children living under his tyr- and sell charcoal. Nevertheless, Certificate:12A anny because he is in fact a tender, what’s done is done. loving father at heart. The acting is realistic and the story Released:25 Novermber 2005 The crux of the story is the loca- is eye-opening. It’s a refreshing take HHHII tion of their home. They use to stay on the Palestinian society; a society in town, where they had proper elec- terribly misunderstood due to the tricity and Abu had a proper job to wars that has taken over their lives. hat do you think when feed his family. However, Gamila, I loved the film for its authenticity. I tell you that Atash is his eldest daughter ( Roba Blal) was Nevertheless, it’s not an easy film an Isreali/Palestinian raped. The penalty for being a rape to understand. However, American film? First thing that victim: death. To save his daughter films are easy to understand and comes to mind is from this untimely and horrible fate, most of them are crap. So take a Wprobably suicide-bombers and reli- he relocates his family to the middle chance on Atash! gious conflicts. However, Atash is of nowhere. definitely not the movie you have However, conditions are harsh and Yuen Ai Lee in mind. ten years later, the children and the Film Felix Locked up without food and warmth felix Thursday24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

FILM [email protected] Introducing the freebies page! To start it off we’ve two pairs of tickets to Jarhead Free tickets from iCU cinema to tee was sent to the deserts of Saudi Arabia to fight in the first Gulf War. watch History of Violence and Four In 2003, his memories of the time in that place became the best-selling Brothers! book Jarhead. Swofford wrote with ou've obviously heard of Where is Viggo Mortensen originally the urgency, immediacy, honesty and History of Violence and from? humour that could only come from if you haven't. shame on someone who had lived through the you. It stars the likes of When their adopted mother experience itself. Jarhead is the Viggo Mortensen, who (Fionnula Flanagan) is killed in a unvarnished story straight through Yhas finally walked into the Hollywood random grocery store robbery, her the eyes of the then 20-year-old kid, light after his stellar role in Lord Of four adopted sons(Mark Wahlberg, who told of a very different war from The Rings as the manly Aragorn, as Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin, and the one delivered in print or over well as Maria Bello and Ed Harris. Garrett Hedlund) return to avenge the air. What’s the story? It’s a story of a her death. What was a simple rob- Jarhead offers a ground up per- simple man who runs a little cafe in a bery soon reveals itself to be some- spective of the Gulf War, live with small hick of a town. However, things thing more nefarious and sinister shootings of burning oil wells and are about to change. Robbers invade involving one brother’s (Benjamin) night-skies lit by comet-like flames. the peace and surprisingly enough, business dealings with a notorious The recruits are rowdy, horny, Tom Stall (Viggo Mortensen) sud- local hoodlum (Chiwetel Ejiofor). exhilarated and also terrified that at denly displays an exquisite skill in Another 3 tickets to give away, just any moment, over the next hill, the killing people. Is he who he seems tell me: Who sang Cleo’s Apartment war might begin. These young men, to be? It’s a movie of ‘don’t believe for the soundtrack of Four Brothers? are suddenly dropped down in an what you know’. Write to me with your answer at unforgiving terrain, seeking diver- iCU cinema has three tickets to [email protected] with your name sion in a game of gas mask football giveaway for History of Violence. and department. Good luck now! while they await the arrival of care Just answer the following question: packages containing letters and porn. Strangely enough, out of this hellish situation unlikely friendships are formed. Jarhead is also a tale of fierce loyalty and do-or-die camara- derie. It’s a brotherhood of jarheads sworn to be faithful always. Now, how do you get your hands on these 2 pairs of tickets? It’simple, just answer this question: Q: What film did Oscar Mendes hanks to the Times Movie win an Academy Award for? Mania, two lucky Felix Email the answer to film.felix@ic. readers will win a pair of ac.uk together with your name and tickets each to the spe- your department. cial screening of Jarhead. Other students can also go and What’sT Jarhead you say? Well, don’t see this film for free by exchanging be impatient, hear me out! two mastheads from The Times at Directed by Oscar-winning direc- their campus shop for two free pre- tor, Oscar Mendes, Jarhead includes view tickets. a stellar cast of Jake Gyllenhaal, What are you waiting for? Start Jamie Foxx, Peter Sarsgaard and Googling and send me the answer Chris Cooper. already! In the summer of 1990, Anthony Swofford, (Jake Gyllenhaal) a 20- Yuen Ai Lee The four brothers contemplating their next move year-old third-generation enlis- Film Editor

And then there are 3 Fantastic Four DVDs! tarring Chris Evans they could never have foreseen. Victor who cannot accept the chang- (Cellular), Jessica Alba (Sin Strangely enough, the exposure es in himself. His skeleton is turning City, Into the Blue), Ioan they suffered in the storm has fun- to steel and, increasingly angry at Grufford (Hornblower) damentally altered their DNA and his doomed fate, when ‘Dr Doom’ and Michael Chiklis (The given them each an exciting super learns he can manipulate electricity S Shield), Fantastic Four is the tale power. Reed becomes extremely he sets out to destroy the Fantastic of four ordinary people who become stretchy, Sue gains the power of Four and anyone else who gets in the most fantastic superheroes the invisibility and the power to create his way. world has ever known. force-fields. Johnny, the hot young Fantastic Four is available to buy Reed Richards (Grufford) is a sizzling talent of the movie turns and rent on DVD, UMD and VHS struggling yet brilliant scientist, into an explosive fireball or, if you from Twentieth Century Fox Home convinced he can find vital infor- must, a human torch. Doom how- Entertainment on December 2nd mation in space that will affect the ever, turns into the Fantastic Four’s 2005. Thanks to Twentieh-Century evolution of genetics. With the sup- version of Magneto. Fox, Felix has three copies of the port of his friend and assistant Ben The group find themselves obliged DVD to give away. Grimm (Chiklis), the two men must to use their powers to help oth- Alrighty, now how do you get your approach their old school friend, and ers and hence they decide to use hands on this fabulous action-packed now rival, Victor Von Doom (Julian their talents for the greater good. movie filled with the delicious and McMahon, Nip/Tuck) to finance the Their everyday appearances have toned Jessica Alba? It’s easy. Just project. not changed as they can turn their answer the following question. Reed learns that his ex-girlfriend powers on and off… except for Ben Q: Who is the singer behind the Sue Storm (Alba) is Doom’s new who has been affected the worst by sountrack ‘Everything Burns’ in love interest, and her rogue brother the blast. His entire bodily structure Fantastic Four? Johnny (Evans) is one of his team. has changed and he has turned into Know the answer? Don’t be smug! With tensions in the group rising, the solid stone… and he can’t change Email us immediately with the four of them jet off into space with back! answer along with your name and Victor to conduct the experiment. Christened ‘The Fantastic Four’, department. Good luck now! Unexpectedly, they are exposed to Reed ‘Mr Fantastic’, Sue ‘The a cosmic storm and, when the team Invisible Woman’, Johnny ‘The Yuen Ai Lee return to Earth, they discover they Human Torch’ and Ben ‘The Thing’, Film Editor have been transformed in a way take on their new identities to fight felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

[email protected] musicNu-prog is the new.. uhm, I dunno Th e Mars Volta’s live experience makes it to immortal CD form (I was surprised it would fi t) ly isn’t. One to watch , and probably ALBUM REVIEWS brilliant live. James Millen Film School On & On (album sampler) (Beggars Banquet) Th e Mars Volta HHHII Scab Dates (Gold Standard Laboratories) Incredibly this band doesn’t sound HHHHH like a band called Film School, i.e. they don’t sound like Test Icicles The Mars Volta live experience is or Art Brut. Instead they make a very different to the albums they hypnotic semi-drone-rock kind of produce. TMV take a much more noise. On & On in particular swirls fluid role during live shows, often around and around, drawing you in opting for 20 minute jamming ses- to its repeated rhythms with heavily sions between album tracks. Having delayed guitars. They are fond of seen them in early 2005 on the using the trick that many, ahem, nu- Frances The Mute tour, where they shoegaze (sorry) bands use, namely performed the entire gig with no defining the chorus not by getting supports in an epic two and a half louder or changing the tune, but just hour hour set, I felt I knew what to by adding more layers of noise. expect from new live compilation Harmed is really very good, and Scab Dates. pulls away from the fuzzy sounds The album begins with one of The Mars Volta - resurrecting both the twenty minute drum solo and concept album in one fell swoop. found elsewhere on this sampler. Omar Rodriguez Lopez’s sound The melody starts bouncy and experiments; it sounds like a woman organ and guitar solos. This soon indecipherable to my south coast defined, until the chorus rapidly speaking over a tannoy while instru- flows into the second part - a much SINGLE REVIEWS ears, they add syllables all over the bursts onto the scene with circling, ments are tuned in. Presumably this slower and relaxed portion. The place), possibly for novelty factor almost psychedelic guitars, distort- is symbolic of the audience waiting slowness is broken near the end Tim Williams for more plays on MTV2. There’s ed variously to white noise, or to for TMV to begin their set. This by some psychedelic guitar soloing My Brooklyn a lush bit with handclaps though. sound like organs. slowly melts into Take The Vein that culminates in the switch to the (Dovecote Records) Watch More Television, found Less good is Pitfalls, let down Cerpin Taxt which is an extended third part. Part II - as it is called HHHHI lurking on the flip side, tries a little mainly by its use of simplistic bass and free-flowing version of the track - is started with some audience too hard. There are too many stops lines and annoying sliding guitar. from the early EP Tremulant. In cheers and quiet blues-like guitar Sound the “yet another male singer and starts, and an irritating tune in Also, I’ve always thought that mess- this version, TMV take more time to riffs under Lopez’s exhaustive vocal songwriter” alarm. I tentitivly put the chorus. No Recover delves too ing around with the settings on a explore themselves and their track gymnastics. With some impressive the CD in my hi-fi, Bluntly expect- far into the dark depths of emo, with keyboard is best down before a song, with extended soloing and a sinis- instrumental work in the last two ing a song of Damien like evil. My a worrying injection of glam that not during it. 11:11 brings the quality ter accordion ‘solo’ that breaks the parts of this marathon track, TMV relief is total when I find that Tim makes it all sound a bit King Adora. back, despite initially sounding like track. Cavigula and Harsupex take come to the end of this impressive, Williams creates vaguely epic, heav- Certainly not bad, definitely not post-punk by numbers. Those trade- the form of live jam sessions and if slightly egotistical, 72 minute live ily atmospheric songs, in the style of offensive, undoubtedly better than mark guitars that sound like they really demonstrate their musical compilation. Tom McRae’s softest moments. My The Bravery (as are genital warts), were strummed ten minutes before talent. These tracks serve as ten- Scab Dates feels like the album Brooklyn is gorgeous, in a beauti- but nothing new. Or exciting. any sound was made are all over sion builders for the album tracks, De-loused In The Crematorium was fully understated way. Mr Williams Meh. the track, as is a feeling of tension Concertina, Take The Vein Cerpin intended to be with TMV being far makes up for his lack of vocal range James Millen and disquiet. A simple motif is con- Taxt and Cicatriz that form the more willing to experiment in live with a breathy romanticism, and stantly and absorbingly repeated, majority of the album and they work performances leading to the long exquisite use of space. Everything right until the very end as the good well as such. jams that take over many songs- has a warm and dreamy quality, akin Yankee Nine Niner ol’ wall of noise grows and grows. Cicatriz itself is a 40 minute epic much as in Frances The Mute. This to watching the world from under- Yankee Nine Niner And grows some more. split into 5 distinct parts. The first CD however will definitely not win water. (Th e New Black Records) Film School’s name is misleading, part is eight minutes long beginning over many newcomers who have A, the other track on the CD, is a HHHII their place of origin is misleading much like the album version of the not seen the somewhat magical live pretty standard acoustic strum, but (San Francisco, not exactly home of track but drifting gently off course experience of TMV live. not gratingly annoying like so many Reading rock ‘n’ rollers Yankee innovation), but their sound certain- towards the latter half into frequent Thomas Whitson of the boring men with guitars out Nine Niner are making waves in the there. It’s a shame that he doesn’t U.K music scene-quoted as saying make it over to our shores very they are here to “awaken us from our often, but it’s maybe for the best if sleepy Keane and Coldplay slumber.” his home (Brooklyn) inspires him to Yankee Nine Niner and their two write such exemplary music. track sampler simply rock. Where James Millen The Darkness have seen fit to par- ody the staples of 80’s rock Yankee Nine Niner have grabbed them with Computerman both hands and embraced them. No More Broken Hearts Oh Yeah has a great feel with (Must Destroy) jazz chords and metal inspired solos HHIII sprinkled over the croaky, almost grainy, vocals of singer Henry Nottingham quintet Computerman Rundell. This is a classic Rock ‘n’ Roll make an achingly fashionable noise. track wrapped up with some great The synths are glitzy like The jazz guitar work. Giving Up is more Killers, the guitars are sharp and about the vocal, the track begins fast like Bloc Party and the vocals with a slow paced breezy intro fad- are of the sincerely yearning sort ing smoothly into Aerosmith-esque you hear all over the place. Still, vocals that saves it from being underneath it all the bands name entirely unremarkable. The track is checked above are pretty ace. No much less impressive than Yankee More Broken Hearts is obviously Nine Niner seem to be and is a bit their flagship song, with a driv- of a let down compared to other ing rhythm, emo harmonies, and tracks (www.purvolume.com/yan- a suitably energetic chorus. Oddly, keenineniner). I look forward to a they take to pronouncing words solid EP release from them to keep strangely (not just a dialect thing, the likes of The Darkness at bay. Film School - rockin’ out. Probably for all the squares. since Midlandsers are sometimes Thomas Whitson felix www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005 11

MUSIC [email protected] Ahoy there! The Decemberists bring their odd blend of folk and surrealism to the UK Military Wives, an incisive but sub- LIVE REVIEWS tle look at America’s political situ- ation. Throughout, the interaction with The Decemberists the audience was superior, with the University of London Union HHHHH band treating the show as a surreal indie pantomime. Between each song, Colin bantered with the crowd, I received an email from my senior and the band introduced humour- tutor bemoaning the improper use ous ad hoc elements, like a random of the halls network for pirating violin rendition of the Indiana Jones copyrighted material. It’s a shame theme in the middle of the escape- that piracy is frowned on, because themed Bagman’s Gambit. Later, if this were widely enforced, people it heated up as multi-instrumen- would have no chance to access the talist and Red Army Robin Hood back catalogue of the Decemberists’ Chris Funk “fell asleep” mid-song, work. With only their latest album, prompting Colin to force us to sit Picaresque, due for release in the down so he could rest undisturbed. UK (on Rough Trade this sum- It all came to a head during the mer), the full excellence of this finale, the epic Mariner’s Revenge band of whimsical buccaneers from Song as the crowd were instructed Portland, Oregon is in danger of to “scream like a whale is chewing going unnoticed in this country. you up”, leaving us with a bizarre The support, San Fransisco two- mix of well-pitched pirate-rock and piece act Two Gallants, with their screams of “Bloody hell! It has “off-the-heezy” guitar work and teeth!” ringing in our ears. vocals reminiscent of the tortured The Decemberists are one of those strains of Bright Eyes and the tor- rare bands, absurd yet compelling, tured strains of Kurt Cobain, pro- who tax the eyes, ears and brain all duced a wall of noise meant to pick at once. Showing more originality in you up, throw you about and deny one show than most band’s careers, you any rest until the end of their they’ve certainly earned the self- set. Their brand of Americana, with applied name of their second album, The Decemberists - favourites of hipsters with folk leanings everywhere. it’s lyrics about murder and alcohol- Her Majesty. Long may she reign. ism, made them rather more than Tom Whitson Athlete continue to pull out crowd- live, work and grew up. The song opportunity to meet and interview the White Stripes knockoff they pleasers, breaking into favourites somewhat predictably, but no less Athlete drummer Steve Roberts seemed at first sight, and definitely from their debut album Vehicles And specially ends with the map zoom- before their gig at the Hammersmith worth looking out for. Animals. Athlete’s first ever single, ing into the Hammersmith Apollo. Apollo on the 2nd October. Athlete As the Decemberists came on, the sing-along favourite Westside After a few more popular tracks As we were escorted to the Athlete Hammersmith Apollo fears that the small stage of ULU HHHHI and New Project with its slow intro from their albums, Athlete then dressing room, we were unsure what would be unable to accommodate lulling you into a false sense of manage to make a gig that is already to expect from a band that have had their big band sound were instant- calm, prior to hitting you with the turning out to be pretty awesome, such main stream success over the ly dismissed as the opened their After a typical indie-rock perform- crazy electronic unexpected middle just that little bit extra special, play- last year, with the release of their set with The Infanta. The crowd’s ance from the Bright Space, and section go down a treat. Beautiful ing their emotionally charged tear- latest album Tourist. As soon as unusual familiarity with the songs a less than inspiring perform- turns the venue into a ball of hap- jerker Wires. As Joel Potts beauti- we were inside and politely offered (stemming, presumably, from piracy ance from ‘girl with a guitar type’ piness and love, momentarily wash- fully sings the well known lyrics, you beers, any visions of rock and roll of copyrighted material) was evident Gemma Hayes, anticipation was ing away any qualms anybody has, feel sorry for anybody that doesn’t debauchery were shattered. Steve as, in a feverish mood, they belted high for Athlete’s 2nd performance leaving the feeling, albeit it false, of have somebody to hold, as thou- was very down to earth, with his out each one in unison with front- at the Hammersmith Apollo on perfection within the world. sands of friends and lovers embrace physics teacher glasses and beard man Colin Meloy’s geeky voice. this tour. Athlete enter the stage to Athlete then ingeniously, yet effort- throughout the song. Despite the reflecting his unphased attitude From the off, the Decemberists the thunderous roar of applause. lessly manage to make the gig seem well documented and discussed, towards fame and success. were a joy to watch. It is gener- Having waited a good few minutes tailor made to every individual lucky and lets be honest, blatantly obvious Having seen Athlete play a few ally joked that a master’s degree in for the adulation from their fans to enough to be in the room. The gigan- inspiration for the song (Joel Potts weeks before in the Apple Store, English is required to follow their die down, they played the popular tic curtains behind the band glide ‘running down corridors, through Regent Street, we asked about the lyrics -- not a baseless claim as Yesterday Threw Everything At Me open to reveal a huge screen, with a automatic doors, got to get to’ his performance and how it felt to play each song moves easily between and Half-light, which were unsur- street map of London. Then On Your prematurely new-born and ill baby) a much more intimate set than unu- articulately witty and atmospheric; prisingly chanted back to Athlete by Street commences, and the crowd an unusual twist is taken on the sual. Surprisingly beforehand they an example is Eli The Barrow Boy, the crowd word for word. From the are taken on a journey through screen. Whilst most people know were dreading playing the clean their contribution to the long tradi- reaction of the crowd and the magi- London- through St James’s Park, that the wires refer to those coming white store with its clinical sterile tion of murder ballads. Their songs cal atmosphere that Athlete create Notting Hill, Islington, Charing from his ill daughter, the screens atmosphere. Once they got on stage are sometimes political as well, but with such ease, it becomes apparent Cross and more, accompanied by take the crowd on another jour- to the huge applause and the loud not hysterically so: witness their that this home-coming gig is going gasps, cheers and ahhs as people ney, along the wires of the London drunk guy in the front row they latest single, the anthemic Sixteen to be something special. see the familiar streets where they underground-yet again, making the really let loose and enjoyed playing gig feel that little bit more personal. more personal stripped down acous- After leaving the stage, and return- tic renditions of their classic hits to ing for a much-called for encore, the 400 strong crowd. Athlete end their spectacular gig Despite hitting the “big time” with with new single 24 Hours (which I the release of their latest album have been credibly informed was Tourist, Athlete’s rise to the top not written about Jack Bauer or the was through relentless touring, US show 24) and leave the stage to slowly but surely building up a fan- huge cheering and miscellaneous base since the release of Vehicles noise. Athlete can do no wrong and & Animals. When asked about the appeal to an impressive range of current music scene and young people. They have the potential to emerging bands, they dismissed any be huge, and hopefully, their next comparisons to the Brit-pop era. album will secure them a deserved They share the feeling that Brit-pop place as British musical legends. was an era of one image and one Matty H & Mark Hagen sounds, where now all genres and styles are embraced with the same person listening to The Streets, Morning Runner, Basement Jaxx Athlete and Roots Manuva. The embracing Pre-gig interview of such a diverse collection of music is likely to nourish many of the U.K. Athlete, having spent the last few music scenes, which can only be a months in the U.S. returned to the good thing. U.K. to play a sellout U.K. tour. We Tom Whitson & Athlete - they’re not small, just far away. were lucky enough to be given the Jenny Gibson felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

arts [email protected] Theatre extravaganza! Think a pantomime will be your only choice of theatre this Christmas? Don’t despair, Felix has tracked down some slightly more cultured options for you... them vulnerable and child-like. who were picked by the Blue Men Theatre Their faces are frozen straight but to participate in their on-stage rou- Theatre The Blue Man Group by no means blank. tines, were gems themselves: Black Comedy New London Theatre The uniformity of their appear- 20 minutes into the show, eve- Ruffian on the Stair Drury Lane ance meant that there are no “frills” rything was suddenly stopped as Union Concert Hall Tickets £40 to distract the audience. They wear a man holding a camcorder gets Wednesday to Saturday 7pm Student tickets £20 all seats black suits with funky contraptions upstage to film the arrival of some Tickets £6/£4.50 Students that spew out food/paint in the latecomers. Accompanied by an course of the show. Most impor- opera singer’s rendition of “You’re When asked what the “Blue Man tantly, they do not speak and their Late” and strong white spotlights Night has fallen over South Group” was all about by a friend “act” has no storyline. with much flare, this, I believe will Kensington. A crash is heard in before watching the show, I was Although these enigmatic charac- put the embarrassed couple off the distance as someone stumbles at a loss for a suitable description. ters hardly emitted any squeaks, the being late for a while. blindly. A figure walks slowly with “Performance artists pretending to energy from their eyes and other A stern-looking man was pulled a chair in his arms, trying to avoid do things for the first time” was body movements gave them away down from the balcony to be painted obstacles as he crosses the room. what I eventually settled for. Now entirely. They communicated with blue. He was then smashed against Whispers of voices hide in the chat- after “experiencing” the Blue Men, the audience in a way that surpass- a white wall to form his print. He ter of others. Even stranger, this my prior description does seem es performers who actually speak. looked miffed but much to the is all going on in a room at the pathetically inadequate. The act saw the Blue Men playing amusement of the audience! top of the Union, where the cast For the clueless, there are some with ordinary objects and testing I regret describing the Blue Man are rehearsing for the upcoming distinct features of the Blue Man how far one could get doing so. Sort Group as “performance art”. It play, Peter Schaffer’s Black Comedy Group that really outstand them of like a dare, with no boundaries. does deserve less of a classification. (directed by Brooke Milburn), which from any other ordinary perform- Most of it accompanied by great Being in the audience was more of will open on the 30th of November as er. The most upfront, being their rhythmic music that got my friend an experience. A reminder, if you half of a double bill with Joe Orton’s uncomfortably bald blueness. They and I bobbing our heads and tapping like, of how we should not forget how Ruffian on the Stair (directed by have an otherworldly appearance our feet. The music made uncannily to play and connect with others, and Neil Monteiro). that could scare a timid child into by the crunch of Rice Krispies, a experience the joy of being alive. The first play, Black Comedy, is tears. There is a strange “naked- colourful PVC-pipe-xylophone and The little Blue Men are coming to about an sculptor facing a high- ness” about the group that makes oil drums. Members of the audience Ling Ching Wong get you.... ly nerve-wracking evening with a potential buyer and his future father-in- law. Typically for such an played superbly by actors who are each other (and us) what they know, Although there are hardly any important occasion, his power goes Theatre recognisable from television roles or at least what they are willing to props or special effects, the scenes out before his guests even arrive, Three in the bakc, two in the head including parts in Black Books, tell, about the events leading up to that unfold are still dramatic and and the rest of the evening just goes Orange Tree Theatre Spooks, Dr Who, Casualty and Silent Jackson’s assassination. the story is well told. There are downhill from there. Until 10 December Witness. The proximity to the drama The playwright Jason Sherman parts of the play that flash back to After the interval, the audience makes it more interesting to watch was inspired by the real life murder previous events with conflicting ver- returns to find a magic wand has Tickets £7-£17 as you can see spit fly, veins bulge of the Canadian weapons scientist sions of the truth being revealed. been waved over the stage, and we and detail that you would miss in Gerald Bull, a man who felt betrayed This switch between the past and are sent to the other side of theatre most other theatres. by his own and the American govern- present is carried out very smoothly for Ruffian on the Stair, a dark drama It is worth seeing this play sim- The plot is about Donald Jackson, ment when his work was no longer and the plot is easy to follow. about a hit man and his live-in girl- ply to experience the Orange Tree a scientist working on a space- given support. As a result, he start- The way the stage is set up with friend, who is blissfully unaware of Theatre, a small venue in Richmond. based missile system for America’s ed to conduct international arms the audience surrounding it is an his occupation. One day, a strange The ‘stage’ is a square of floor sur- defence programme. However, he deals with countries that led the US original idea and it is fun to be man shows up on their doorstep rounded by seats on all sides and loses support for his research and government to become increasingly able to watch how everybody else while the boyfriend is meeting a man there is also a balcony where peo- transfers his work to an enemy state worried. He was warned to stop his is reacting to the play. It was also in the King’s Cross toilets. Though ple can sit and enjoy a bird’s eye referred to in discussions only by involvement several times, but was interesting sitting next to a group he seems to be merely harassing view. It is a very intimate space and coded initials. He is murdered and eventually assassinated, shot three of Americans on the way home who the woman, we gradually learn that must be challenging for the actors, his son Paul, a young university times in the back, twice in the head. had also just seen it. According to there is more to the story. A strong who are only metres away from the professor, attempts to understand No one has ever been arrested for them it was ‘preachy’ and ‘too politi- cast of three carry this intense piece audience, as this allows every facial the truth behind his father’s death his murder. All this is relevant in the cal.’ I disagree, but go and see for through its twists and turns to an expression and movement to be by contacting CIA bureaucrat John present climate. Words that spring yourself. explosive end. scrutinised. Doyle. to mind are Iraq, WMD, scapegoat However, all five characters are Between them, Paul and Doyle tell and distortion of truth. Helene Myrvang Vivian Chiu

adaptation is very faithful to Jamila Hospital in London, but instead bur- Of course, it wasn’t perfect – for Theatre Gavin’s novel and is not at all pre- ies them and pockets the money. people who don’t know the story Coram Boy cious about the grittier aspects Jack Tarlton is no less mesmerising already it may be a little confusing at The National Theatre which give it so much of gothic as the son that Otis abuses, not quite times, I felt that Mrs Lynch’s moral- Until 4 February 2006 beauty. of this world, losing and discovering ity lecture was slightly unnecessary Tickets £10-36 The story itself spans two gen- love and life with such poignancy and the Hallelujah Chorus was a lit- Student Standby £10 erations and eight years and like the that the stage feels almost lacking tle corny, but these are niggles and book, has music as a central theme, when he is not there. highly debateable ones at that. particularly Handel’s Messiah which Another brilliant innovation in this It was, very simply, one of the very The National certainly doesn’t seem is played and sung with beautiful production is having the many boys best experiences that I’ve ever had to be going for ease in its Christmas effect and style by the actors and a played by actresses; an approach in the theatre. So if you’re planning family entertainment. Last year live choir and orchestra at the back that is so effective and utterly believ- a family outing, an evening with a it was the phenomenal His Dark of the stage. able. Anna Madeley’s performance significant other – or have no excuse Materials and this year it is Jamila Paul Ritter is deliciously slimy as as two boys, Alexander Ashbrook at all, apart from wanting one of the Gavin’s Whitbread Award winning the utterly immoral villain of the and his son Aaron, is sublime. She most haunting and moving experi- novel Coram Boy. I was a little piece, Otis Gardiner, a man who, in also had the most startlingly perfect ences in the theatre that you are apprehensive as to what the result cahoots with Ruth Gemmell’s coldly voice that I have ever heard – quite ever likely to have – you could do a would be; adaptations of children’s calculating Mrs Lynch, makes his an astonishing thing in a woman lot, lot worse than going to see this. books can so often be sentimen- living by collecting babies from des- who also has to scamper around talised. I really didn’t need to have perate mothers who also give him stage, laugh and cry and then sing Lily Topham worried. money in the belief that he will take extremely exposed and challenging Photo: Catherine Ashmore Helen Edmundson’s masterly them to be cared for at the Coram baroque arias. felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 13

ARTS [email protected] Ten little soldiers went out to dine, one choked himself and then there were nine... impressive than Shakespeare’s. ters to next week’s edition abusing first, highly spectacular departure As for the acting, well it was all Theatre The story itself starts off inno- my mental ability if you do!) of one of the accused. pretty excellent too really, though And Then There Were None cently enough with some guests This is a production that is com- After this, the revelations and I felt that Gemma Jones (as spin- Gielgud Theatre making polite conversation over pletely engrossing (a new version respective changes from people into ster Emily Brent) could have given Tickets £12.50-£40 dinner as they wait for their delayed by Kevin Elyot which remains very ex-people come thick and fast, along her character much more terrify- Standby £17.50 (available 1 hour host. However, it rapidly transpires faithful to the book) not sugar-coat- with ever-increasing amounts of ing coldness rather than playing up prior to the show) that they have been lured to din- tension. This tension was provided the doddery-old-lady effect quite so ner on a deserted island for far in no small part by Gregory Clarke’s much, and Sam Crane was a lit- more sinister purposes as one by “The child’s nursery brilliant sound effects, including a tle too shrilly hyperactive as idiotic ‘A detective story without a detec- one they gradually start encoun- truly terrifying hornet sound as well rich-boy Anthony Marston. tive’ is one of the numerous taglines tering fatal ‘accidents’ as the ten rhyme takes on a grisly as all the classics of a murder mys- The main acting credits go to John that have accompanied this adapta- soldiers on the mantelpiece also dis- tery, thunder, gunshots and some Ramm as the unfortunate butler tion of one of Agatha Christie’s most appear – prompting revelations of new importance.” very effective screaming. This com- providing most of the humour, and famous novels. It’s easy enough to dark secrets, and some of the most bined with lighting that plays on all Tara Fitzgerald as Vera Claythorne see why the story itself has been so satisfyingly terrifying theatre I have ing any of nastier elements to the our childhood fears of shadows and – sexy, intense and perfectly convey- popular - it is brilliantly imaginative ever seen. Part of the thrill for the story. It is a little slow to start the dark, and follows the excellent ing her transformation from a con- – indeed, it would be hard to imagine audience is wondering how Christie off with, including some very non- rule that ‘it’s not what you see but fident modern young woman of the anyone else who could invent a situ- will fulfil the prophetic role of the funny ‘silly’ dancing by Sam Crane what you think you’ll see that scares 1930s to a terrified creature, more ation where everybody is both the Ten Little Soldier Boy rhyme – and I and Tara Fitzgerald. However, the you most,’ as well as some highly than slightly derailed by events, and detective and a suspect, make the challenge anyone who doesn’t know evening immediately livens up after dramatic special effects manage to able to…well, I won’t give away the child’s nursery rhyme ‘Ten Little the story at all to figure out ‘A red the classic ‘disembodied voice’ crank up the tension so much that ending. Soldier Boys’ have such grisly impor- herring swallowed one’ accurately. speaks, accusing all the assembled you feel almost as terrified as the tance and create a body count more (By the way, please don’t send in let- of murders, followed rapidly by the characters themselves. Lily Topham Photos at the NPG to the arguably erotic, makes the holding a baby of about her size. The Photography exhibition very appealing indeed! artist states her aim when taking The Schweppes Photographic Pieces aim to challenge our per- photos as to ‘show a side that people Portraiture Prize ceptions and are not just superfi- do not see or happen to overlook.’ National Portrait Gallery cial portraits. The photo of ‘Anabel Despite the winning photo being Tickets £12.50-£40 and Vikki’ depicts two unattractive, very effective, my favourite was Until butch, punk lesbians. The women ‘Amy and Jack’ by fourth prize win- are standing close together with ner Magnus Reed. It shows Jack the more masculine figure grab- out of focus in the foreground whose The Schweppes Photographic bing lustily at the breasts of the body divides the photograph in half. Portrait Prize is the predecessor of other. This piece really questions Behind him stands Amy who is the ‘John Kobal’ award which is one the glamorous modern day image clearly in focus, she stares at him of photography’s most distinguished of lesbians. tentatively, with bracelets dangling competitions. It definitely follows in One striking portrait was ‘Rebecca’ gently from her wrists and her hands those fantastic footsteps with sixty by Shane Degan. His subject’s hair placed in the pockets of her jeans.By brilliant and totally different inter- is wild and tangled and is strewn dividing the photograph into two pretations of the theme ‘Portrait.’ against her cheek joining her eye- halves, Reed is putting emphasis on The pieces on display have been brow in a long dark curve. She is set each person having an equal part of selected from six thousand works against white and pink Laveteria the interaction. The photographer which were submitted, and are by flowers; their branches twist and remarks, ‘Amy and Jack had never photographers which come from turn. Her skin tones mimic the col- met but they soon started interact- variety of different backgrounds, ours of the flowers, and her wild ing. I wanted to remind people what including both professionals and hair follows the movement of the it was like to be 12/13, to view things students, and even amateurs. branches. In her suburban settings as they really are.’ For the third year running, this she is shown with as much beauty Thoughtful comments on society exhibition is bringing in crowds of and freedom as Laveteria flowers. and culture, a bit of humour and people, as aside from housing the The winning photograph was ‘Girl quite simply beautiful photography work of new and talented photog- With a Baby’ by Shara Henderson, it make this exhibition very enjoyable. raphers, it is absolutely free. This was taken on a photo shoot of local I would recommend this to every- quality, when combined with the fact children in the Polish industrial town one. that the exhibition includes portraits of Brzeg Dolny. The portrait shows a ranging from the mildly disturbing barefooted girl of about 6years old Natasha Ehsanullah The Winner: Girl with Baby - Poland by Shara Henderson FRIDAY 25 NOVEMBER 20.00 - 02.00 A tidy selection of the best r n b and Hip hop showcases from Dj Ben Beiny Dj Matt Carpenter

PLUS DJ JOE RANSOM FROM

AfterAll night ACC from bar 6pm nightonly in in dB’s. dB’s.

Open 20.00 - 01.00 with chill out tunes and smooth smoking

& DRAFT MIXER £1.25 The Union encourages responsible drinking.

win a bikefrom !

free entry before 20.00 £3 thereafter ROAR Beit Quadrangle Prince Consort Road London SW7 2BB felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 15

Nightlife [email protected] Am I the Editor? Rennaisance @ The Cross know you are in for a dirty night. sweating like a paedophile in moth- After a hot drunken Tube ride to er care or like the really obese man King’s Cross, my friend Trish and on the bus on the way home. If you me had to make our way through take up two seats you should pay what can only be described as the twice as much! ultimate in rape alleys. The music initially was very beige and bland. It may not sound bad but “I don’t look too could you imagine your friends call- ing you beige or magnolia? It would much like a tramp do be enough to make you slit your wrists and sit in a warm bath. I know I?” some people should, but still. After venturing around the various sweat Alright, I’ll get the boring stuff over We managed to avoid rape, mur- pits we ended up outside dancing with first. Renaissance at The Cross der, or worse still, having someone in the rain. If any of you have been costs about £20, but this can change start to approach you, about to mug to The Cross you will know its an depending if the guy at the till likes you, and then realising you’re not amazing venue. Not very big but its you or thinks you’re hot. But really, worth it and clearing off (I mean really individual; lots of palm trees. I take it some of you were a little for us. Not quite sure what it was I would say its worth going out once I don’t look too much like a tramp Sorry another slight tangent offended by what my Bar Wench about as I was drunk when I put this a week to somewhere really good do I). there. The range of music was quite wrote last week. What I have to say together. Did I put in the picture of instead of going out 4 times a week Getting in was no problem but we incredible, I was truly surprised. is, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. someone using the complaint as to all those skanky holes we all love. did get accosted by several people Quite often when you go to a club Firstly my Bar Wench writes as toilet paper? I guess I should just I mean don’t get me wrong, I love in big hats screaming in some funny they tend to stick to one genre of shes it. She saw a load of irritat- get fired now. the smell of vomit and piss when I language. I think they were probably music: be it hard, funky or dirty ing yanks so she wrote about it. I In addition to this I thought I walk into a place. That’s why we all northern or something, or perhaps house. It was refreshing to be able thought it was very informative. should have something about the love Prospect. Well if you’ve start- Australian. to go from room to room and actu- The two letters I have received lady of the hour: Madonna at G-A-Y. ed drinking homemade snakebite When we arrived the place was ally feel something different. have been very interesting. Now the Also have something from my night before going out at 11pm then you already rammed. People were Aaron Mason reviews. The bar wench has written at Renaissance. another fantasticly fabulous piece The Nightlife Editor The lady of the hour Madonna? Oh yes it is. For those of you who didn’t realise, perhaps you’ve been living in a cave or haven’t had your head out of a textbook in a while, Madonna is back – with a vengeance. Her new album is a glittering fusion of retro funk and future disco and, let’s face it, it’s just a little bit gay. It’s no surprise then that just four days after her spectacular album launch at Koko she put on a very special show for the little dancing queens of London at the countries most brand labelled gay club, G-A-Y. Hosted at the Astoria Theatre on Charing Cross Road, G-A-Y has a live act nearly every Saturday of the year, ranging from the legen- Look at her go! Boy she can move that ass No more body parts I’m afraid these are too good dary Britney Spears herself (woo hoo) to, ahem, Daphne and Celeste After weeks of teasing snippets of began to play and the crowd went Well, I was told by a friend of mine end up in numerous cancers and (bless, they did try). The great thing information, mysterious disco ball nuts with wails of “Oh My GOD! I that I should apologise for my liver failure? To be honest, if that’s about seeing an act at G-A-Y is that posters that never once used the can’t BELIEVE she’s gonna sing cruel generalisation and degrada- the case, I’m guaranteed a dose of the rest of the night is one super- word ‘Madonna’ and hours of queu- THIS!” They kept going nuts until tion of the American visitors to our mouth cancer and sclerosis of the fun-happy party with super-cheap ing for tickets on a cold, cold morn- half way through the song when they beloved Union. At first I consid- liver before I’m 25. Oh well, we’ve all drinks. Without a doubt this show ing in Soho, the lucky two thousand finally realised it was just a DJ track ered their compassionate idea, but got to die of something. was by far the best live performance that made it in were going for it like and Madonna had long since left the then I thought: ‘Hell no! Especially Will it deter us from drinking our- ever held at G-A-Y. Duracell Bunnies - pink, fluffy and building. Bless ‘em. She didn’t even when they stroll in at 5 to 11 and selves into comas? Somehow I don’t absolutely hyper. I’d like to say I say goodbye, which was the perfect ask for pitchers of Guinness. The think so. It would be like giving an feel I truly suffered for my ticket as end to the set. Harsh but effective moronic, stupid, loud gits shouldn’t obese person an unlimited supply of in my excitement at the prospect of and the most memorable ending for cake. Five hours later and you know standing around on the street for the most memorable night the club “Manic, midget the puke bin will have to be reached two hours I spilled hot coffee down has ever hosted. for so they can start all over again. I myself and ruined a perfectly good Mike Case obsessed” know it’s so that people don’t cram scarf in the process. By the age of fourty units into half an hour but twenty you’d think I could use a be allowed! Bloody cheek!’ come on Tony, show me an intoxi- sippy cup, but no. Anyways, as my manic, midget The songs were taken almost obsessed editor says, no point flog- exclusively from her new album, ging a dead coke whore. This week “Unlimited supply of opening with ‘Hung Up’ before par- is binge drinking. Now, guys, I think cake” tying through ‘Let It Will Be’, ‘Get you all must have heard about, even Together’, ‘I Love New York’ and seen in our very own Union this cated person who thinks: “Hmm I’ve finishing with a remixed classic in awful trend in society today, this evil got four hours left, therefore I will the form of ‘Everybody’. corrupting minds, bodies and souls. only drink beverages of one unit and Fortunately for die hard old-school What absolute bollocks! I’m sorry but alternate it with water”. Not bloody Madonna fans, the DJ sets for the who has ever thought: “Oh no, that’s likely. night were very Madge heavy with my third pint of Carlsberg, better We are students, drinking our- at least a solid hour of her best stop or else I’ll be binge drinking”? selves stupid is part of the lifestyle. known hits either side of the Queen What I don’t understand is when Oh no, is this a piece of journalism of Pop herself – including my per- did four pints suddenly change from I see before me? I bloody hope not! sonal favourite part of the night, being a normal amount of drinks to Where’s my bottle of vodka? when, where you would expect an an obscene number of units that will The Bar Wench Just a little bit gay encore, the anthemic ‘Like a Prayer’ IC Women’s Hockey

It’s all about hockey.

Think you’re better looking?

Pose here. We would like to feature page 3 every week. All you have to do is email us at [email protected]. Girls and Boys please. We believe in equal rights. felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005 food & drink [email protected]@imperial.ac.uk Fulham:Th e stir fry can see you fullthrough any of cold easternwinter night, whether promisecooked at home or away. Hannah Theodorou 2 pork chops, diced 2 chicken breasts, cut into bite Tampopo selves. Food & Drink Editor 1/4 onion, chopped sized pieces Choosing a main course was dif- 1 green pepper, chopped 1/4 onion, chopped ficult and with a variety of dishes a few mushrooms, sliced 1 green pepper ranging from Vietnamese Nam 1 clove garlic, minced 2 knobs of butter Yang Manao to Indonesian Nasi salt and pepper salt and pepper Goreng there is something to acco- 1 tsp fresh minced ginger root 1 tsp paprika (optional) modate for most tastes. Beware of (optional) 1/2 can cream of mushroom soup the spicy ratings though- the divine 1 tablespoon sesame or veg oil water to thin Nam Yang Manao which came with 1 sachet stir fry sauce a spicy warning was surprisingly 1. Melt butter/margarine in a refreshing, whilst the supposedly 1. Heat a wok over a medium medium wok over a low heat. Add mild Pho Xao Bo had a fierce kick. heat, then coat with the oil. Saute the chicken, onion and green pepper the onion, garlic, and ginger until and saute all over a low heat for 4 to fragrant. Increase heat to high. 6 minutes, stirring occasionally and 140 Fulham Road, turning the chicken pieces. Season London SW10 9PY 2. Place pork into wok. Cook and with paprika, some crushed garlic, 0207 370 5355 stir until pork is no longer pink, about salt and pepper. 4 minutes. Stir in mushrooms, green Price: £25, meal for two pepper, and sliced green onion. Cook, 2. Cover the wok and let it all cook HHHHI stirring, until vegetables are tender, until the chicken is done and juices which will take about 4 minutes. run clear, which will take about Stir in your chosen sauce and heat 15 minutes. When the chicken is After an exhausting day trun- through. Serve with noodles or rice. cooked through add the soup and dling back and forth between tir-fries can be a gastro- water and let it simmer, stirring Hammersmith and South Kensington Pork Gyoza Dumplings nomic event. Alternatively frequently. When liquid has reached there’s nothing more appealing they can also be the per- the consistency of a sauce, the dish than having dinner cooked for you. Washed down with a mango smooth- fect emergency meal; low is done. Serve with rice or noodles. Especially when it’s being cooked ie, though, it was nothing I couldn’t in fat, high in fibre and real to perfection at Tampopo, Britain’s handle. Sfast food, it can’t really be beaten. favourite restaurants when it come The time flew by and before long Is there a meal you des- You just need to gather some veg, to authentic Pan Asian cuisine.. well over an hour had flown by. Too noodles and a jar or sachet of sauce, perately want to know how stuffed to eat anything filling for add meat if you’re feeling super to make? Or an obscure dessert, we ordered a mango sorbet peckish and you have a meal fit for liquor you would like our which was saturated with the fla- a king. Mixologist to blend into vour of fresh fruit. It was the perfect end to a thoroughly enjoyable meal. Simple stir fry a sumptuous cocktail? Instead of being awash with gim- Email [email protected] micks, painstaking effort has gone Let’s face it- we’re never going to and we’ll see if we can sort into creating a diverse menu and be as adept as the Malaysians who Cheat’s Stir fry out your request. Carry on a warm atmosphere. The staff are appear in the kitchen every meal attentive and you can see the cooks time at whipping up the perfect stir - Adding the soup to this stir fry gives sending in your favourite flicking their woks from your seat. fry sauce. Many supermarkets have it a rich, creamy sauce which is ideal recipes! Visiting Tampopo is like embarking both fresh and jar versions now. teamed with rice or noodles. Melt-in-the-mouth Vegetable on an Oriental Odyssey for your Tempura taste buds. The downside is simply having to choose what to eat. MIXOLOGY: RUM (where you can probably find every nice bottled one here in the UK) The restaurant is illuminated by drink you could need for Cocktails). - 2cl sugar syrup (which you can an orange glow, courtesy of low- Pit Bingen buy in most wine shops or make hanging lanterns and, although side - 1cl Cream yourself) by side with other tables, it has a Rule No. 1: Don’t drink BACARDI - 2cl Cream of Coconut (heat the very intimate feel. I would recom- but Havana Club! This isn’t can up in hot water before use) Shake with 2-3 ice cubes and pour mend it for both a first date situation just because Bacardi is a big - 3cl white rum or even a party; the staff are very American company and Havana - 4cl pineapple juice accommodating in any situation. Club is still original Cuban, but it For starters we tried the Vegetable is simply better. And you don’t pay Put all the ingredients together Tempura which was dreamily light that much more. Most will agree with 2-3 ice cubes in a blender and and melted in the mouth and Gyoza that for £1 extra it’s worth buying blend it. If you don’t have a blender (Pork dumplings). Both came with a better spirit. Here’s a few drinks just shake it with a Shaker. sweet dipping sauces which were Jasmine rice is a perfect accom- you can prepare with white Rum. as appealing as the morsels them- paniment for any of the curries. - Cuba Libre - Pina Colada: A drink which our revolutionary Sounds difficult yet is pretty easy parents drank during the cold war as long as you can get your hands to show how “cool” they were and on cream of coconut. I found it also to get drunk. at Gerry’s Sprits Shop in Soho - 4cl white rum - 1cl fresh Lime juice - Put into a glass with a few ice into a cocktail-cup (martini glass). cubes Variation: Pink Daiquiri (exchange - fill up with Coke 1cl of sugar sirop with grenadine-in wine shops too) - Daiquiri Never heard of it? It’s the easiest Make your own sugar syrup by dis- rum-based cocktail and simply solving a few tablespoons of sugar fabulous. in 1 tablespoon of water over a gen- tle heat. - 5cl white rum - 3cl lemon juice (best is to squeeze Hope you like them. Drink in them yourself, I’ve never found a moderation! felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

fashion [email protected] The looks, the spring and the wardrobe Winter wonders to warm cold nights, interesting new collections and Kate Thornton However I fail to see its appeal, If you like the idea of adding a lit- as many coats on the high street tle glamour to your wardrobe, use will use synthetic fabrics to create the above materials to make the Beauty these (the use of fur is not only high Russian look. Excess is best when street taboo, but totally immoral). So, if you want opulent winter “you want to ed things as a dear friend once chic, turn to velvet. At the premiere melted hers while opening the of “Harry Potter and the Goblet of oven door. In last week’s X Factor Fire”, Daniel Radcliff, Rupert Grint make the most Kate Thornton oozed fifties sex Dolly Delaney appeal with her black bolero and Fashion editor of the January red corset. But what really made her stand out was of course her Many styles are around this season. This winter’s fabric seems to be red lipstick! I have it on good So to make the most of that ever- Sales” velvet and silk. So if you’re going authority that she is every bit as decreasing overdraft I will help you it comes to pulling off this. For girls, to go all out on winter chic, make beautiful in real life as she is on make sure you find the look that think Ivana Trump, but tone it down sure that your make-up is just the show. So for the Hourglass suits you best. just a little! For boys however, this as opulent. Metallic eye shadow look of high maintenance secre- Have you looked at shop window look is slightly modified and called and cheek highlighter will add tary, make sure that while wear- displays recently? Urban Outfitters, the Military look. You’ve probably that frosty look to any outfit. ing your pencil skirt that you can seen Pete Doherty wearing a jack- Benefit have a wonderful range only shuffle in, those fishnet tights ets and hats that look like he’s come of body and face metal cream, in that keep snag- “the Black straight out of the Crimea. Many various shades of gold to match ging on table have mixed views on this man, but all skin colours. They also have corners and his style epitomises what this look is some gorgeous eyeliner pens, stiletto heels Widow has never all about. Very cool. my favourite being “gilded” (see that are sim- The world of fashion has brought above). But if you’re an indie ply impossible, been more sexy” out its Spring/Summer collections girl and prefer the Beatnik look, you also wear Velvet Dress by Giles already. Already?! You’ve only make sure that you have the red lipstick. Monsoon, Kookai and countless oth- Deacon: The Harry Potter just sorted out winter look, but if perfected the look of wide-eyed This timeless ers have gone for black displays. boys donned matching you want to make the most of the innocence. Although some of classic should Black is definitely back this sea- velvet jackets at the films January sales then look at the new you may not have mastered the of course be son, so don’t be afraid to darken up recent premiere, but maybe art of applying eyeliner to your bought from this winter, with lace shedding its excess isn’t really magic. upper eyelids, this is something the empire gothic guise and re-emerging as an that is worth investing a little that personi- enchantingly romantic option, the and Robert Pattinson (who plays time in doing. Eyeliner on the fies chic, Coco Black Widow has never been more the luscious Cedric Diggory) wore upper eyelids makes even those Chanel. sexy. velvet jackets. Although they all with thin lashes look luscious Black seems to be the order of looked dashing on the red carpet, it and thick! However, if you sim- the day with such styles such as was Pattinson who looked the best. ply cannot get the art right and Think you’re the Houndstooth and Monochrome The trick to wearing velvet well is to end up looking like a panda, fear looks. Be careful not to overdo have it only on the collar and cuffs not - false eyelashes are here! I fabulous? the Houndstooth. Generally this of a jacket if you’re going to wear tend to steer clear of the blast- pattern is best on either coats or Do you think you’re fashionable? Send me a skirts. In my first page as fash- picture with you name and ion editor I mentioned the Beatnik department. If I agree then look, inspired by Edie Sedgwick. your picture could be in the The monochrome look incorporates next issue of Felix! Beatnik, but you can also hark back to the eighties Two Tone movement- [email protected] just make sure it’s black! Fashion often likes to mimic the animal kingdom. This winter sev- Floral prints from Christian eral textures have made this idea Lacriox big again- velvet, fur, sheepskin and feathers. If you haven’t bought collections to find out what’s hot and your winter coat yet, sheepskin and what’s not in 2006. fur will keep you toasty and warm. The general theme of the new col- lections is the Italian Rivera; linen jackets and white shirts for boys and floral dresses for girls. Lovely, you might think, but sometimes major fashion houses can do bizarre things with nice ideas. I think the design- Louis Vuitton’s Spring/Summer ers at Christian Lacriox have been Collection: Don’t worry, if all watching too many old movies as the else fails the timeless classic of models in their new collection look sandals and socks will do. very much like extras from Summer Holiday (ah, Cliff will be pleased). more than one item that contains Louis Vuitton has mixed schoolboy the material. Radcliff wore a green with Italian businessman, resulting velvet jacket and waistcoat with in a confused look. The shorts, with green trousers, whereas Pattinson shirt and tie look is interesting, but wore only a black velvet jacket with maybe a little “out there” for my white shirt and jeans. taste! Alexander McQueen has kept For those ladies who have var- his collection surprisingly simple ious balls and dinners to go to, with modest, light shirts and trou- how about adding some black or sers building most of the new look. Roberto Cavalli: white feathers to a strapless dress? His models looked beautiful in their The Event Dress, dress to Plumes exude bird-of-paradise white and biscuit outfits with tanned impress at the Christmas flamboyance and give classic styles skin, who knows, maybe the Italian Ball a glamorous touch. look will payoff after all? � � ����� � ������������ � ����� � ��� ����� � � � � �������� ������� ������� �������

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� Interview skills sessions � CV advice � Internship/graduate employment presentations � Job Opportunities and Interview and Assessment Centre advice � Educational events � Interactive events � Networking events For more details… ���������������������������������������������������� Sameena Misbahuddin President

News Snippets...

New Cash Machine in Beit Good news - over the Christmas holidays, the Union will have its very own Cash Machine installed! This has been offered by College to improve the cash ma- chine facilities on campus and will be ready for the new term.Union But don’t worry, it will NOT be one of the machines that charge - it will be free to use.

Union Building Redevelopment To hear the latest about the redevelopment and to give your feedback, take a look at pages linked from www.union.ic.ac.uk or have a look at the display in the Union Building foyer.

100th Birthday July 2007, College will be celebrating its Centenary year and plans are already underway. The year will be full of celebratory activities throughout which are being discussed and organised starting now. More information can be found on the College website at www.imperial.ac.uk/spectrum/centenary.htm.If you have any ideas of what the College should be doing, let me know on [email protected]. College will be undertaking a large fundraising campaign, which has already began and will be most prominent in the run up to the Centenary.

Elections

I realised that I hadn’t put the Union election results into Felix yet. The results 1,000 students voting, which is very close to the record number of votes re- have been available on www.union.ic.ac.uk and are: ceived during last year’s Council & committee elections.

ULU Delegates - Laura Parkinson, Alon Or - Bach & Laura Griffi ths However many of you will be aware that the results for the candidates standing Trading & Retail Committee - Dan Lehman & Christine Itegbe for ordinary member of Council could not be counted on the same day as for the others above. Instead it has had to wait until this month’s Council meeting Sevices Committee - Dan Lehman for the results to be counted.

The result for the Equal Opportunities offi cer was announced on Friday The reason for this was not to do with the Electronic Voting system, but due to – Emma Persky is the winner. complaints about students who appeared to have broken election regulations. Once this issue was highlighted, we had to investigate it. It’s taken a while to Results for the Faculty/Department elections can be seen at www.union.ic.ac. investigate because the number of people involved (both as those complained uk and have been publicised through the faculties. against and those investigating) was large so anything took time. The data that were needed took time to collate, as they came from various sources, and had This year’s Council & committee elections saw the highest number of can- to be pieced together for a determination of what had happened and what the didates standing and an improved Electronic Voting system. Thank you to all decision regarding the standing of certain candidates would be. of you who took part and had a say in the way the Union is run. We had over Job Opportunities Part-Time Vacancies with the Union Student Services Division We currently have several Part-Time positions within the Student Services Division at the Union. The Student Services Division oversees the administration for all the non-commer- cial activities of the Union, including Clubs & Societies, our Transport Fleet and the Information & Advice Centre, as well as Marketing and Communications for the entire Union. All positions available are paid £5.05 per hour and will help you develop a range of skills that will prove invaluable when you graduate. Positions available:

Student Activities Centre Staff The Student Activities Centre is the hub for the administration of Clubs & Societies. Join the Reception staff team, who help co-ordinate the transport fl eet, the sporting programme at Imperial and the day to day running of this busy centre. Knowledge of Clubs & Societies at Imperial is desirable.

Hours are fl exible throughout the day and week. For details contact Phil Power: [email protected]

Union Sales Team A brand new opportunity in the Union marketing department. Responsibilities will include liaising with local and national businesses and communicating what advertising opportunities exist on campus for them. Enthusiastic students with a good communication skills need only apply.

Send your details including past experience to Alex Mckee: [email protected]

Transport Team We have a team of dedicated staff who love our minibuses, land- rover and trailers and they are looking for people who love vans as much as them to join them. Ideally you will be over 21 with a full driving licence (but that isn’t essential). More than anything you will love vans as much as us!

For information about the Transport Team, contact Dan Lehman: [email protected] Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. T: 020 7594 8060 www.union.imperial.ac.uk Dd Ddddd I nternational C areer F *** Loads c a $ h Imperial College Finance Society Providing innovative career solutions The career network of the future The next generation of entrepreneurs ICFS is the leading careers forum for university students looking to learn about finance and business, and was set up to provide innovative careers solutions for students interested in finance and business, whilst fostering a vibrant, interactive community for learning and networking with peers, future employers/colleagues and students at other top-tier institutions globally.

Membership to ICFS will entitle you to attend a number of careers and educational events including:

. Interview skills sessions . CV advice . Internship/graduate employment presentations . Job Opportunities and Interview and Assessment Centre advice . Educational events . Interactive events . Networking events For more details… w w w . u n i o n . i c . a c . u k / f i n a n c e felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 23

No 1336 Thursday 24 November 2005 [email protected]

felixneed to make our views heard. Sir Richard & Dress Its is encouraging to see that Code students are taking action in these matters, there have been “ How can informing the students of two protests in as many weeks, How can a ridiculous dress code be deemed against the dress code and noisy “an overreaction”, when the matter Bioengineering lecturers. informing the has caused such a stir as to make it into several national newspapers including yesterday’s Guardian Elections Farce students of the and BBC news. If this a matter for “mature Will Union elections ever proceed dress code be debate” why weren’t, we, the stu- without hold-ups and bickering? dents consulted for such a debate Felix can’t remember a time when deemed “an before the policy was put in place? ICU elections passed without College seem to believe they can incident. Spam emailing seems to overreaction”, go around making autocratic deci- cause problems just about every sion without so much as a by-your- time they hold elections, shouldn’t leave to the students. The students, the Union just ban candidates from when the and more importantly, the Union campaigning via email altogether? At least the Union isn’t fining stu- matter has dents for grafting the streets with caused a chalk. national stir? New ‘Southside’ bar The students loved Southside bar and were very sad to see it lost, lets hope that although the Harrington Bar & Grill “is not a Southside replacement” it will be ” just as good. It is important that students have an alternative to the Union. In previous years the Union has failed to impress students, who instead frequented Southside. At present the Union is much busier than it has been in previous years lets hope that this is due to Remove that hoody or we’ll shoot! the Union showing the students a Hoodies - not actually the police’s good time and not simply a case of top priorities. their being no alternatives.

What really grinds my gears ell, this article has I’ll ask a question here, and I hope Rupert, as he does have a lot to do, to spell and punctuate any more? been a long time in that not too many of you get it wrong. and there’s hardly anybody writing We’re no longer taught the rules production, and I’m Here goes: how do you spell “beer”? for Felix. Writing most of the stories of grammar at school. Let me give surprised that this If you answered B-E-A-R (twice), and editing the whole newspaper you an example to illustrate how hasn’t been highlight- then you should be very ashamed is a lot for one person to manage, bad things are (putting Felix aside edW in a letter yet. I suppose that I’m of yourself. Beer is pretty much the and it shouldn’t just be one person for the moment). My girlfriend is at just one of the few people left who single most important word in the doing this. An editor’s job is, sur- Royal Holloway, and is a first-year care about such things. student vocabulary. On the other prisingly, to edit. Felix represents English student. Part of the work “What’s the point of this article?” hand, people might have started giv- the student population at Imperial. she was given last week was an I hear you all cry, or I imagine you ing out teddy bears for a quick flash If Felix is anything to go by, then exercise in putting apostrophes in do. Shout it a little louder, and I may of one’s breasts – if so, nobody told we’re almost illiterate, barely able the correct place and identifying all just explain. Are you sitting comfort- me about it. If you make this sort to string together a coherent para- of the verbs, nouns, adjectives and Peter Griffin ably? Then we’ll begin. of mistake, you certainly should not graph, and only one or two people adverbs in an extract from a book. The week before last, I was read- be editing a section in the student do all the work. This is not what either of us expect- ing through my usual copy of Felix paper (or working in Hamley’s, for I have no time or space to mention ed from a degree-level course: it’s (1334), armed with my usual red that matter). all of the numerous errors that they more suited to 7-year-olds learning pen. I’ve got into the habit of trawl- Poor spelling aside, some of must have fought tooth and nail to how to write our language. ing through our dearly beloved the paragraphs barely make any force past computer spell-checkers. Reading through old editions of paper, picking out the various little sense at all. Has anyone writing I know Felix has at least one copy Felix on the website gave me an things that the editor has missed for Felix heard of sentence con- editor (one of my housemates), and insight into the past. Felix used to be in his rush to write half the articles struction, proofreading, or common he does well when he has the time. It funny. It used to have great writers and publish it. Then, to my horror, sense? Judging from some articles, takes too much time to fix all of the and was well-respected by the stu- I arrived at the Nightlife section. It the answer is a resounding “no”. If stupid mistakes that people make in dents. The writers used to be able was at that point that I very nearly this is the standard of spelling and their articles, and it shouldn’t have to spell. Please, let’s try to return to gave up on the the use of the English grammar of the editors, how much to be that way, even if they are writ- that golden age once more. language, the world in general, and damage is done to the articles that ten at 3am. Perhaps next week, a lesson in editors in particular. they edit? This isn’t a rant against Why are people not taught how basic English.

Liked it or loathed it? Send your opinions to [email protected] felix 24 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

The author of the ‘star’ letter received each week will win £10 Letters to the editor [email protected]

my position as President; it’s my their role. job to uphold the policy already I believe Luca Manfredi’s com- Page 3 Star The Union & set by Council – and to represent ments were violent and homopho- Dear Felix, Babar Ahmad the views of Imperial students. As bic; and posting them on a public Letter I said to Felix last week – “Union website demonstrates bad conduct. Farewell to page 2. Picture this: Dear Editor, Council set policy to support However, these comments were not little me sitting on the train on my Babar having a fair trial in the UK made when he was in office. way home from university, quite I was saddened to discover that the and it’s disappointing that after We cannot look back at each indi- smugly pulling out the latest copy union president has set policy to our students’ efforts, which were vidual officer’s past and rule them of Felix which I’d hidden under my The Bar Wench support the campaign in support most prominent last year, it hasn’t out because of what they had said arm. My secret weapon!! Any Tom, of Babar Ahmed. For those of us prevented the Home Secretary’s however long ago it was before they Dick or Harry could get a copy of Dear Editor, without strong sympathies toward decision. - the policy still stands, were in office. Where do we draw The Guardian, but me? Oh no, I this person it seems an abuse of the so continues to be supported by the line? At one, five, ten years? was a member of the elite. I had At risk of taking “The Bar Wench” power of a president to set a policy the Union.” .Though the policy was By abstaining, I was not condon- my Felix. With it’s intelligent layout more seriously than she deserves, which is either redundant or poten- set last academic year, Union poli- ing his actions and did not “sit back and flawless design, my Felix was I must respond to the xenophobic, tially offensive. Supporting a free cies do not lapse for 3 years unless and plead impartiality”. I made a bound to beat the other literary hateful views expressed in “The trial ought not to be a policy but a specifically revoked, therefore it clear statement against the motion, materials scattered around the Wench Returns” in the Nightlife principle upon which any political still holds (more information about which was setting a precedent that train carriage in the hands of Mr section of Felix on 17 November, body within the union should sup- the governance and policies of the I felt was unacceptable. Banker and Ms French Tourist. 2005. port, why then single out this spe- Union can be found at www.union. We are still students, we make As I opened my beloved Felix, On the surface the piece uses the cial interest and suggest unequivo- ic.ac.uk/resource). mistakes, we repent, we apologise I could sense that my friend juvenile humour of the “Fat Slags” cal support for Babar Ahmed? I Any policy is voted on by Union and we grow; Manfredi had the from across the channel was not variety; but it also exposes a trou- say unequivocally since the caption Council before it can become chance to apologise and prove him- impressed. The intelligent content bled ego that is threatened by those on the front of last weeks felix Union policy. Union Council has 50 self at the most recent ULU Council and flawless design had also failed who speak, dress, and interact showed the campaign using the slo- members representing the different meeting. to register with self important differently. Fear is, of course, the gan “FREE BABAR AHMED” why parts of the Imperial student body. I could not vote against the banker whose icy stares I could feel mother of hatred. The opening com- not “FAIR TRIAL FOR BABAR Any student can attend Union motion because the statements raising the hairs on the back of my parison with vermin, meant jok- AHMED”?. Ought not the president Council meetings to give their Manfredi put forward in defence of neck. ingly (of course), is as disturbing as retract her support for this cam- views and feedback and therefore himself were inadequate and por- When I eventually dropped my those insults levelled, with narrow- paign given its inflammatory and if policy is set it represents the trayed an incompetency as Council smug gaze to the paper in my minded persistence throughout our heavily biased nature? views of a substantial number of Chair but at the same time, I could hands, I found to my utter amaze- shared history, against a range of Why does the president not feel the student body. not vote in favour because I believe ment, not one, not two, but three “outsiders” who seem to threaten a fair trial will be given in the US? For the Union or any individual that it would set an inappropriate pale forms splayed across the origi- our way of life simply because they For those of us who realise that to oppose actions or policy deci- precedent. I expressed these views nally entitled page 3. Just where are different (Jews, Irish, Punks, a death penalty of Babar Ahmed sions of the current American by abstaining. did they come up with a name like Caribbeans, Muslims, Women, is not at all likely, a campaign to administration doesn’t equate to that? Catholics, Welsh, Homosexuals, prevent fair trial in the US rather being anti-American in anyway Sarah Khatib, ICU Deputy For a second I thought I’d picked Pakistanis, Scots, etc.) than to fair trial in the UK seems to whatsoever. Many Americans, President Education and Welfare up the wrong paper. But no, when I Jokes are to be laughed at, but express merely an anti-american including American students, hold glanced back at the front page the to compare someone with a sexu- sentiment, hardly a sentiment a similar position to that of the word ‘felix’ stared back at me. ally-transmitted disease is to turn which should be shared by the Union, and they are not of course Is the world going mad? Evidently a joke into a weapon of nationalist, president of an organisation which ‘anti-American’ for doing so. Had Rethink Rubbish so. Am I the only one outraged by xenophobic destructiveness. The ought to represent the americans the policy been seen to be anti- Dear Felix, the rather strange attempts at inde- reduction of a young woman to within the college. American, then it wouldn’t have cent exposure by our peers? Again, “a pig in a girdle” puts “The Bar This contrasts with the passed as it would have breached I fully agree with Andrew evidently so! Wench” on the same level as those neighbouring article on the front the Union’s Equal Opp’s Policy. McConville’s article “Rethink My eyes have been scarred but nationalists who dehumanize their page of Felix (ULU council chair The reasoning behind the policy Rubbish: Reuse and Recycle”: recy- others out there can still be saved. perceived enemy so as to justify sent packing). Whilst we should was not anti-American, but that cling is a vital issue for Imperial Let us stop this degradation of our genocidal atrocities. support the removal of a person Babar, as a British Citizen, should College to tackle. I would say that swanky high calibre paper. If you’re Only someone who is both obnox- in a union body who seems to have his trial in Britain and not the change in attitude that Andrew really desperate for some naked iously arrogant and extremely have such homophobic tendencies elsewhere. speaks of is a matter of appreciat- science then head down to the insecure would set out to represent since he surely cannot be a fair As President, my role is to rep- ing that recycling is not about mak- Science Museum during your lunch her enemy -- “attractive, lovely” representative of the homosexual resent ALL students regardless of ing environmentalists happy but break. I personally will be gluing American girls - as vermin, as members of that union, why should race, religion, nationality or any- is simply the most intelligent and pages 2 and 3 together in order to beasts, as a biological infection. the American members of our thing else and students should not efficient thing to do. save my eyes and mind from fur- My hope, as an Englishman and union be represented by somenone see this policy as anti-American, This shift in attitude is underway ther pollution. as a teacher, is that your readers who possesses and acts upon anti- by me nor by the Union as a whole across European countries, busi- can see that “The Wench Returns” american tendencies? – the Union represents all cultures nesses and communities, and Alea El-damanawi says more about the vitriolic hatred Ought not the President and and all students and any prejudice indeed here at Imperial College. of “The Bar Wench” than it does the council not hold an impartial against any part of the Imperial For example, my fellow students Rupert Neate, Felix Editor, about the students who help pay position toward political causes community will not be tolerated in the Department of Electrical & replies: her rent, who help make ICU a within the Union? Would it be right or supported by the Union. The Electronic Engineering (which, Dear Alea, more interesting place, who are for the Union to allow Conservative Union is apolitical and deals with let’s face it, can hardly be accused Do you not like the concept or was here to learn about British culture Society meetings but ban the issues affecting students as stu- of being environmental) have been it just those 3 “pale forms”? from the many students at ICU Liberals from meeting within its dents. However as Babar was a questioning the limited recycling whose minds are more open to dif- buildings? The impartiality of our former student of this College and facilities and the fact that paper Alea El-damanawi, respones: ference than hers. Union is important given that the policy also addresses the wider is simply thrown away. They have Dear Rupert, it ought to be representing all issues of civil liberties, the policy done so not because they like trees, Technically it’s more the concept, Stephen John Dilks, PhD cultures and political persuasions was passed by Union Council. but because they are engineers I’ve seen many a girl look away in Associate Professor of English and within the university. Just as ULU I Hope this clears things up. – good engineers – and object to horror this week. I don’t think guys Irish Literature would not support homophobia wasteful and unintelligent solu- mind it as much but then again Director of Faculty Center for within its council we ought not Sameena tions. their eye candy seems to be of a Excellence in Teaching allow such clear anti-american ICU President As an Imperial student, I would better quality then what the ladies University of Missouri-Kansas sentiment to fester in ours. obviously like to think that Imperial get. (UMKC) The policy as passed can be seen is a champion of intelligent solu- Andrew McGlashon, Physics at http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/ tions. Yet, as Andrew mentions, Rupert Neate: Aaron Mason, Nightlife Editor, resource/governance/babarahmed. Cambridge and Oxford are ahead I hope you don’t say that when I addresses, the comments Sameena Misbahuddin, Imperial html of us in terms of sustainability pose for the last issue of year. regarding last week’s Nightlife in College Union President, replies: measures. Even the LSE has clever his editoral, page 15. energy-efficiency lighting control Alea El-damanawi: Dear Andrew, technology in their library.) Your intending to pose? My my, I’ll I wanted to write to clarify a few Sarah Khatib on Let’s bring Imperial’s waste man- get the word out, better print some points made in your letter. The agement into the 21st century with extra copies of felix when u do! policy that’s being discussed was Luca Manfredi a well-functioning recycling system. You should do it sitting on a picca- set by Union Council in December So why did I abstain after all? Ellin Barklund dilly line train reading a copy of the 2004(see www.union.ic.ac.uk/ Council Chairs are not expected to 4th year, Electrical & Electronic felix and put it next to my letter... council), and not by me as an indi- have no views at all; rather, they Engineering vidual. Therefore I’m not abusing are expected not to show any in felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 25

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with David Hasselhoff Coffcoff ee Break:ee breaka shadowy fl ight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Good luck FUCWITS. Close Ups The more astute of you may notice that this is a shameless rip-off of one of my coffee breaks from last year. I don’t care. I like it. Here’s some famous album / sin- gle covers, and you have to tell us the artist and title. Simple. There’s two points for each answer, so good luck. Emails, as always, to coffee. [email protected] 1 2

3 4 5

6 7 8

9 10 11

FUCWIT League 1 7 2005-2006

The Fantastic Four 149 Darkshines 148 2 8 Cupid Stunts 144 Me, Myself & John Sargent 143 Norfolk ‘n’ Chance 126 3 9 Forever Throwing Doubles 124 Bernard Scumley Porno Queen 109 Answers 1334 - TV Go Home 2. Robbie Williams - Trippin’ Cockroach On Coke 109 1. 1997 3. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby Insert Name Here 108 2. 51 or maybe 58. Whatever. 4. Boyz 2 Men - End of the Road 4 10 The Schist Ones 69 3. 48 5. Baywatch theme Disgruntled Virgin 24 4. Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, 6. 5ive - Keep on movin’ Caledonian Conspiracy 23 Miranda. 7. R Kelly - Trapped in the Closet Citizen Erased 15 5. Twenty bloody years. (Part 4) 5 11 House of Earthly Delights 13 6. Quahog 8. Micheal Jackson - The Girl is Mine 7. CTU Answers to this weeks by the 8t [email protected] 8. Slough December please. You’ve got until the 9. Neil Buchanan 1st to send in last weeks as well. Next 6 Stop... Hammertime! week I’ll announce the winner of the 1. MC Hammer - U Can’t Touch This bag of Gay Porn, so see you then! felix 26 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

blind date [email protected] Steve and Wayway @ Tampopo Felix plays match-maker and sets up two Imperial students in the hope they’ll find love, or at least have a laugh. Describe your ideal partner? Describe your ideal partner? Tall enough to reach my face but not so Has a pulse. And arms, legs, nose, ears a big that I can’t chuck her over my shoul- head. Male preferably but not particularly. der and run off to my cave with her. What would be your ideal location for a What would be your ideal location for a date? date? On the moon. In a restaurant that weighs people as they come in and bans the fat ones from Which celebrity would you liken yourself eating there. to? Buttercup from the Powerpuff girls. Which celebrity would you liken yourself to? Which celebrity do you fancy? William Hague. Young, blonde and Tory Borat. to the core. Where can we spot you around IC? Which celebrity do you fancy? Well, you can hear me on IC Radio every Elisha Cuthbert. Monday night. Where can we spot you around IC? Steve Brown In the maths library, improving my Wayway Sim chances of world domination by honing 3rd year maths my time-series skills. Civil and Environmental Felix Sports Editor Engineering, MSc Tampopo 140 Fulham Road, London SW10 9PY Meal for 2, £30

Monday 21 November 8pm

arses down there now. quite romantic, candles, good food, Steve’s Verdict Wayway’s Verdict service was excellent, company What would you give the date out was excellent. of 10 What where your first thoughts 7.5 What were your first thoughts when Will you be seeing him again? when you saw Wayway? you saw Steve? Yeah, why not. Seemed humourous enough. Will you be seeing her again? He had a good sense of humour. Good to get along with on a rather Well, another Felix bar night is just impromptu evening out. around the corner. Perhaps we’ll Very nice sounding Scottish accent. What would you give him out of next meet in slightly less civilised 10? Did you fancy her? surroundings. Did you fancy him? An 8. To be honest, no. Nothing wrong Umm, not immediately no. We could with her, it’s just I normally take a And Finally the question everyone be good friends, I don’t think more Will you be seeing him again? while to realise I like someone. wants ask, did you kiss? than that. We share a GSOH, it was We’ll see. No. The romantic mood was some- definitely fun chatting toi him Did you like the restaurant? what soured by the sight of the And a kiss? Food was excellent, staff were morbidly obese gentleman sitting What did you think of the meal? No, we had a good laugh though. friendly. I believe that IC students to our right. Yes, very good nice atmosphere, get a 20% discount so get your Looking for Love? Or just a free dinner? [email protected] felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 27

tv [email protected] Last weeks TVLast weeks Little Britain was cer- Strewth! DVD Crime tainly not toned down. In a super- Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace market, David Walliams played OAP Mrs Emery. We expect something HHHHH fishy to happen. She starts natter- ing to a friend: “Blah, blah, bl…” Urea-ka! The flood gates opened! You are forgiven for thinking that Walliams is wetter than a [edited this article might be dealing with the - I crossed the line.] as she starts seedy underworld of entertainment gushing piss onto the floor! Cringe- piracy. It is not about some shady worthy: I smiled through my fin- bloke called Garth, who flogs dodgy gers covering my eyes. Smiled, not DVDs from the boot of his Ford laughed. Sierra in some dingy alley. In fact, I We saw the return of Bubbles, am preaching to you and demanding darling. First, a predictable joke: the attention of the Channel 4 execs. “Are you sticking to your diet Mrs This show is genius. It is criminal DeVere?” asks someone. “I’m just that it has not been released on having Special K this morning” DVD. in another episode Dag becomes replies Bubbles carrying a stacked Matthew Holness, who starred attached to a randy mutant eye. tray of cereal boxes. Second: two briefly in The Office, plays Garth The action takes place on men rolling around in fat suits. It eal shocker this week. Marenghi. Marenghi is a prolific retro, cheap, poorly lit sets; think hh… Felix, Felix, Felix! just didn’t cut the mustard. Last Firstly, I barged into horror writer, no, dream-weaver. His Diagnosis Murder piss-take. I had a pet called Felix series, Bubbles was shockingly Lynnie’s something cannon of famous chillers includes: Upbeat electronic music accom- once. He was black and funny. This was more like Takeshi’s past midnight like a root ‘Slicer’, ‘Juggers’ and ‘Afterbirth’, panies the actors running through white, and had four legs. Castle on Bravo! rat on heat. Being a bit the last of which tells of a mutated hospital hallways. Running in slow He ran away when we Few new characters meant the old Rworse of the turps I crashed out placenta that attacks Bristol. During motion not for dramatic effect, but wentA to the zoo. I thought that was guard needed to save the show. Matt on her sofa and smooched the dog the 1980s, Marenghi wrote, directed to compensate for the eight minutes the last I would see of my Felix. But Lucas must have had a back, sack come morning. Bit awkward, as you and starred in a program so “radi- Marenghi didn’t have script to fill. no, Richard Attenborough insists on and crack. Shamelessly, dressed in might imagine, after that. Funnily cal, dangerous and God-damned The picture is faded and sound out reminding me lions feasted on his an outrageous thong, Daffyd had enough, that Janelle patched us up crazy” the television corporations of sync. In one scene, Dag goes carcass. “become a rent-boy Myfanwy”. Good proper. Closer than two bills in the denied showing it. Now, these com- to leave Reed’s office. He stops… Last Thursday, the new series of sketch, but no classic. Andy or Lou, wet season now; and her kissing is panies have come back to Marenghi “Wait one moment”, commands Little Britain aired. I’m a bigger fan I forget which one. It’s like Ant and 100% on Harvey’s. and asked him to unleash the horror Reed. Another sees Dag and Reed of this show than Marjorie Dawes is Dec, Dick and Dom; guessing who’s The poor gal is worried about on the unsuspecting public – that’s shooting at a demon. “Boom, boom” of insulting Asians, so my expecta- who. The ‘cripple’ then, went swim- me, now that I got some graft with you and I. This creation is the “most fires Reed. The camera switches. tions were higher placed than the ming with sharks and parachuting: Paul “The Slime” Robinson. But, significant televisual event since “Bang” shoots Dag, Reed stands Qu’ran. So too were the nation’s more smiles. The best was probably nah! A bloke like me knows when Quantum Leap”: Darkplace. straight. The camera returns: Reed and the BBC’s. Little Britain began from “V to the P, icky to the ollard” he’s being conned, plus I’m in need Darkplace is a hospital drama still trigger-happy. There are many, on BBC3, then gained promotion to who had a dance off, Run DMC style. of the bees and honey. You see, I with a twist: supernatural occur- many hilarious touches. Darkplace BBC2 and now Series 3 has gone Her break dancing was phat. Not gotta start paying my way now Old rences are the norm around these takes our nostalgia and runs away straight to air on BBC1. It is a tes- only “p-h” but pretty “f” fat too as Davie boy ain’t gunna be too happy wards. Marenghi plays Rick Dagless with it, then makes it explode into tament to the show’s success that her home girls spun her round as since his daughter is having the MD, ‘Dag’ to his friends. One of his millions of pieces. Incidentally, it is now regarded as a primetime convincingly as a beached whale. naughty with some pommie bikini good buddies is Sanchez, although Marenghi knows what it’s like to program, but some argue it will Overall, it was enjoyable. Much bet- shop owner from over the road, and these cats occasionally do have explode. Don’t ask him why: he just become too mainstream. Only a few ter than the half-arsed slapstick of Hazzer’s been giving us grief since punch-ups. Liz is the new girl on knows. months ago, the excellent Extras The Worst Week of My Life that I got back from the bush. Bunch of the block, complete with telekinetic It’s been a while since Darkplace was scheduled for BBC1, but crea- followed, but rarely belly-aching. wowsers I say! powers. Each of them sports a clas- was aired. I cannot understand tor Ricky Gervais demanded it be Quick mention about Lost: Talking of wowsers, Dylan got sic 80s mullet, including Liz with why this isn’t on DVD yet! Maybe shown on BBC2 to avoid becoming Sawyer’s turn. A better episode as done up and down proper in the cof- what can only be described as the Garth Marenghi doesn’t want to be too mainstream. I understand the always when focussed on him, but fee shop by some school boy. I told female equivalent. Their boss is the responsible for an insomnia epi- argument, but it is about as appar- we still got nowhere with the main the kid to get off the grass and give legendary Thornton Reed, donning demic. Imagine it being released on ent as Daffyd’s sexual orientation! plot. Oh well. Lastly, I also caught the drongo a dinky-di seeing too, bushy afro. Together, this unstoppa- Betamax to complete the retro feel. Unless it is clear television execs a bit of Children In Need which is cos I ain’t having my Sky courting ble team overcomes any difficulties Heck, I’d buy a player just for this. insisted the program be toned down great fun if you like watching kids a pansy. that the underworld throws at them. Whatever, this must be released. for popular channels, surely the pro- dying and celebrities’ careers dying Anyway, hooroo for now! The doctors deal with an evil high- Channel 4: your arse is grass and gram is crap because of its creators’ too. land force known as “Scotch Mist”, I’m the lawnmower, you dig? faults? Tomo Roberts Joe Mangel possessed kitchen utensils and Tomo Roberts felix 28 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

Dear Miss Confi[email protected] Mystic stars Scorpio (Oct 23rd – Nov 21st) Taurus (Apr 21st - May 21st) always enter you into the Felix blind find myself studying for hours. date draw when you start looking!! However, she is being seen by this Feeling frisky? Stay Oh oh! Someone has In future don’t try so hard, it seems man who comes every Sunday away from oysters, this bull by the horns, like you’re trying to buy her love. to play the organs for the church. asparagus and other wrapped around their It’s the nicest thing to get a gift Usually I sit strapped in a straight aphrodisiacs this little finger, beware when your dating, but when your jacket so I can’t take even the week, trust me, your of being the doormat not interested and people don’t take smallest bite out of him. But I spit friends will be thank- that people walk right no for an answer, it can get slightly at his face with my eyes whenever ing you for it. over. scary and almost stalker like. My he looks my way. He has bewitched advice is sadly to move on, and in my woman, even though he only Sagittarius (Nov 22nd – Dec 21st) Gemini (May 22nd – Jun 21st) future take it slowly. Next time you works in a funeral service! If they get the urge to splurge, remember hadn’t taken my cloak and ring One step forward and You may think all lil old me!?? I always love a good away I could become invisible and two steps back... Stop is sweet as pie, but present!! ;) find out what he really gets up to! dancing around your watch out for those But here I am locked away worries this week, little sour apples who Homoskeptic... just because I can see these instead take the lead want to spoil your transparent worms coming out of and show them a week. Revenge is a Dear Miss C people telling me there future! Oh quick left hock to the jaw. dish best served cold. I don’t like gay’s full stop, but I and because of you. And mostly masturbate over a transsexual in my room mate who woke up lingerie. I think this is sick in real with me studying him, the police Capricorn (Dec 22nd – Jan 19th) Cancer (Jun 22nd – Jul 22nd) Hey guys! As I’m a sucker for life and would never try it and now wouldn’t listen to my explanations romance I had to let Love hurts when having sex I can’t get a hard regarding the quest for face I have seen your fate Someone’s been sam- win, but keep the questions on without thinking about this and equations. in the cards!! Take pling the menu this coming, I’m here to answer this is hard and off putting. I wish that queen’s tower was open heart from this week- week, as crabs is on all you can throw at me! Films Har Dick more often so I could prove you ends’ events, although the recommended list. tickets for the winner again next can fly as long as you think happy you may later flush at Make the most of it as, week!! agony.felix@imperial. Dear Har Dick, thoughts and can actively miss the the thought. being on top doesn’t ac.uk! Ummm, right well as I’m a girl, ground. last that long. obviously I have had loads of Xenebicci Aka Nobody experience in this matter, but I’ll Aquarius (Jan 20th – Feb 18th) Leo (Jul 23rd – Aug 22nd) see what I can do. Now you have a Dear Nobody, Star few options; my medic friends tell Well as a returning lost soul Why stop at cloud 9? A You may be a lit- me that the transsexual op take requiring my help I thought I certain someone will tle careless so try Letter place every Thursday at Charing should try attempt to advise your be putting a smile on to avoid making X, so you could go and find yourself ramblings, hopefully leading to a your face and butter- mistakes! If you do; a new partner or next time you happier ending than in the green flies in your stomach. remember it happens Falling without her... get the urge to drag out the Nadia mile. Just go with the flow. to the best of us. Then wannabees try taking a cold shower Now, your love life, firstly as you’ve get over it! Dear Miss C, and going cold turkey. Perhaps you met in an asylum, this isn’t looking I know that gravitation is not could try your hand at ‘normal’ promising, especially as you’re responsible for people falling in porn?? Why not try focusing on doing a Hannibal Lecter. Secondly Pisces (Feb 19th – Mar 20th) Virgo (Aug 23rd – Sep 22nd) love but I have fallen for this girl. your partner for excitement, unless she’s a taken woman, even if it is She is very sweet and nice to me of course it’s a drunken night out by an undertaker. Hey whatever Honey. You’ve been Broken promises but only treats me as a friend. I and she might cause your dinner to makes her happy right? Now I feel had! You are par- aren’t pretty, so think tried to take her out for dinner but reappear. To be fair if you’re under that your medication has kicked ticularly gullible this carefully before a she always responds by saying the influence you’re gonna have in and you now believe that you’re week so watch out for loved one gets hurt. ‘no need and not to waste time problems getting it up anyway. Frodo. Repeat after me, LOTR people trying to lead You’re great at think- and money on her.’ I bought her Otherwise put it down to your was not real!!! You cannot become you down the garden ing on your feet, so a present last week but she told urge to experiment (I’d try Ann invisible; else you would have long path! put those skills to work. me it’s not necessary and it won’t Summers in future!!) and embrace escaped from the prison in which change anything. I really like her. your new feelings. Good luck with you currently find yourself! I’d What shall I do? that and let me now how it goes. cut your losses and try and find Aries (Mar 21st - Apr 20th) Libra (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd) Love Hurts someone else. Even better, get well, Return of the rant... get released, and find someone Don’t try to be too The whole world feels Dear Love Hurts, worthy of your insanity, perhaps a ambitious this week, like it’s caving in on My my my!! Someone can’t take Dear Miss C, female Donny Darko? take things bite size you and you don’t no for an answer. As sweet as I have another love problem! I sit Now I’m sorry I had to alert the for now! You may feel know why. Talk to your being and a nice as you behind these asylum bars looking police, but I had serious fear for there’s nothing you someone you’d never seem its time to cut your losses. at butterflies slowly die in the both your flatmate’s and your own can’t handle, beware usually confide in. Unfortunately in this case it seems sunlight. safety, can you blame me when you of biting more than you can chew or You’ll be surprised that the nice guy does finish last, as I’ve recently fallen for this woman. dream of being peter pan?? you might end up wondering what how a stranger’s opinion can help. she’s just not interested. What you She’s amazing and charms me Heed my words, and all will be well. the hell went wrong. have to see is that it’s her loss and like nothing I’ve ever come across. Until we meet again….. some other lucky girls gain; I can Including the crack in the wall I felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 29

Clubs & Societies [email protected] A brush with royalty... Vasudha Gudipati private apartments since the four- teenth century. In the 1170s Henry II rebuilt - in Bioengineering stone instead of wood - the Round Tower, the outer walls of the Upper and most of the Lower Ward, and the Royal apartments in the Upper It all started as the Bioengineering Ward. In the 1360s Edward III, who society organised a trip to the was born at Windsor, extended the Windsor castle for the whole depart- Castle. He created the immense St. ment on the 22nd of October. For George’s Hall for the use of the those of you who don’t know Windsor Knights of his newly founded Order Castle is an official residence of of the Garter. Oliver Cromwell The Queen and the largest occupied captured Windsor Castle after the castle in the world. A Royal home Battle of Edgehill in 1642, and for and fortress for over 900 years, the the rest of the Civil War it became a Castle remains a working palace prison as well as the headquarters today. Over a period of nearly 1,000 of the parliamentary forces. In 1648 years it has been inhabited continu- Charles I was held there before his ously, and altered and refurbished trial and execution in London. by successive monarchs. Some were Following the Restoration, Charles great builders, strengthening the II was determined to make the Castle Castle against uprising and rebel- as splendid as possible. He created lion; others, living in more peace- a new set of State Apartments in the ful times, created a palatial Royal 1670s, using the skills of the archi- Just a tad more attractive than our monstrosity in South Ken. residence. tect Hugh May, the artist Antonio William the Conqueror chose the Verrio for murals and ceiling paint- Jeffry Wyatville. The buildings were Sir Thomas Lawrence to commemo- as a Royal residence at which she site, high above the river Thames ings, and the famous wood-carver refashioned in the Gothic style, with rate the defeat of Napoleon at the undertakes certain formal duties. and on the edge of a Saxon hunting Grinling Gibbons. The King’s Dining the addition of crenellations, tur- battle of Waterloo in 1815. They The traditional State Banquet is ground. It was a day’s march from Room and the Queen’s Presence and rets and towers. In the Upper Ward represent the monarchs, soldiers held in St George’s Hall (55.5m long the Tower of London and intended Audience Chambers retain many of the private apartments were moved and statesmen who were involved and 9m wide), with a table seating to guard the western approaches these original features. Charles II from the north side of the quadran- in that defeat and its aftermath. up to 160 guests. This table was to the capital. The outer walls of also laid out the 5km Long Walk gle to the south and east side. The They include George III, George IV humongous I tell you and it looked today’s structure are in the same leading due south from the Castle rooms on the north side were desig- and the future William IV, the Duke well, “majestic”. position as those of the original cas- into Windsor Great Park. nated, as now, as for use on formal of Wellington, Field Marshal von The magnificent State Apartments tle built by William the Conqueror George IV was a great lover of art occasions and State visits. One of Blücher, the Emperors of Austria are furnished with some of the fin- in the 1070s. So too is the central and fine decoration. Much of Windsor George IV’s most remarkable addi- and Russia, the Kings of Prussia est works of art from the Royal mound supporting the Round Tower Castle’s present appearance is due tions was the Waterloo Chamber, and France, and Pope Pius VII. Collection, including paintings by and the Upper Ward, where suc- to the alterations he instigated in which was created in the 1820s to The twentieth-century history of Rembrandt, Rubens, Canaletto, cessive monarchs have had their the 1820s with his architect, Sir show portraits commissioned from the Castle is dominated by the major Gainsborough and the famous triple fire that started on 20 November portrait of Charles I by Sir Anthony 1992. It began in the Private Chapel, van Dyck. when a spotlight came into contact In the 1992 fire by good fortune the with a curtain and ignited the mate- rooms worst affected were empty rial. It took 15 hours and one-and-a- at the time, and as a result, few of half million gallons of water to put the Castle’s artistic treasures were out the blaze. Nine principal rooms destroyed. The highly acclaimed and over 100 other rooms over an restoration work, completed in 1997, area of 9,000 square metres were is a testament to the extraordinary damaged or destroyed by the fire, skills of some of the finest craftsmen approximately one-fifth of the Castle in Europe. area. Once we were done with the The next five years were spent castle we went down to the town restoring Windsor Castle to its centre which reminded me a lot of former glory. It resulted in the Stratford-upon-Avon (Shakespeare’s greatest historic building project to birthplace), it had a very traditional have been undertaken in this coun- village atmosphere (although with try in the twentieth century, reviving all the high street shops). We sat by many traditional crafts. the river Thames which was only Windsor Castle may be 900 years 10 minutes away by walk and remi- old, but it continues to play a large nisced on the enjoyable day we had. part in the official work of The Queen The trip was certainly entertaining and members of the Royal Family. and the castle is well worth going to Today The Queen uses the Castle if you want to experience this island both as a private home, where she nation’s history. usually spends the weekend, and Felix New Year’s Honours 2006 The Queen does them. So why can’t we. Nominations are now open for the Felix New Year’s Honours List 2006. Send your nominations, with an explanation, to [email protected]. Categories include; Hero of the Year, Wanker of the Year, Most Eligible Bachelor, Most Dateable Female, Best Page 3 Model(s), Best Faculty & Best Student’s Union in London. felix 30 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

Sport, Clubs & Societies [email protected] Play without the politics Jasmine Sze fiers followed by 10 minutes quarter and semi-finals. Sandwiches and refreshments were served to foot- ballers courtesy of the OSC. The 5-a-side Football excitement rose to fever pitch as Iraq came head-to-head with Iran FC, OSC World Cup and Sherfield United played Abacus Champions 2005:- Iran FC in the semi-finals. Congratulations go to the winners, Iran FC, and the runners-up, Sherfield United, who battled it out in a nail-biting Bright and early last Saturday 20-minute final. All in all it was a 12th of November saw a gaggle of wonderful day out, with tournament Imperial’s most keen footballers participants already calling for a from 16 national societies warm- sequel next term. A big thank you ing up together at Paddington goes to the participating teams, all Recreation Ground. What brought of which showed good sportsman- this diverse group of young men ship and exemplified the spirit of and women (Yes! There were female diversity and tolerance that was the players too) out into the bitter cold inspiration for the event. at 9am? It was the opportunity to Look out for posters play for their country and their pride about the next Overseas Students in the annual Overseas Students Committee production, A Sense of Committee World Cup. the World, a cultural extravaganza This year the OSC World of fashion and food organised in Cup was the culmination of a week’s conjunction with IC FashionSoc. A worth of events organised at IC to Sense of the World will be held on commemorate RiseWeek, a London- Wednesday 30th November in the wide anti-racism campaign. The MDH, with tickets on sale in the tournament spanned the whole JCR during lunchtimes this week day with 15 minutes 5-a-side quali- and next. We are the champions of the World!

AIDS awareness week Cant hack the pace of www.positivelyred.co.uk at Imperial College College life? 26/11 – 2/12 Kat Spall open to anyone rather than being linked to just one religious tradi- SATURDAY MONDAY tion. A Journey to Stillness is in the 26th November Union Dining Hall from 1.10 – 1.45. Conference: 28th November Chaplaincy From Tuesday to Friday between “People, Possibilities, and Promises” 9.30am and 5.00pm, to tie in with Society and Culture Play: Medsin’s Positively Red events Treatment access for World Aids Week, we are hold- Projects in Developing World “Satan and Simon DeSoto” How do you find time and space to ing Reflect & Respond: Why are And WORKSHOPS!!! by Ted Sod think – or just to be – in the middle you wearing a red ribbon on World Chaired by Prof. Gazzard with DramSoc of busy college life? It’s a strug- Aids Day? This installation in the Perspectives from politicians, aid workers, clinicians, researchers, social workers, nurses & students gle for many of us – so much is Chaplaincy prayer room offers a Time: 7pm going on that it’s hard to find some range of resources and activities, for Time: 9am - 4pm Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross Hospital peace and quiet to let go of it all for people of any faith or none, to reflect Venue: Drewe Lecture Theatre, Reynolds Building, Venue: Charing Cross Hospital a few minutes, or to think about on and respond to HIV and Aids. Price: £4 Price: £5 (waged), £3 (unwaged) Includes lunch Includes wine and mince pies the way we relate and respond to You will be able to encounter voices To book your place, email [email protected] specific issues in the world. Next of people affected by HIV through week, the Chaplaincy is providing resources from the National AIDS two opportunities to help you create trust, and think about your own TUESDAY THURSDAY that space. response to HIV and Aids and why you wear a red ribbon. You can 29th November 1st December add to our red ribbon paper chain Play: WORLD AIDS DAY “respond creatively as a sign of solidarity and to repre- “Satan and Simon DeSoto” by Ted Sod sent the diverse ways people are with DramSoc (Details as Monday) – or simply respond by affected by HIV. You’ll also be able 6pm Vigil in the Main Dining Hall, Sherfield building moving to reflect on some of the challenges Debate: on to the Queen’s Lawn lighting a candle” HIV presents us with and respond ‘This house believes that the promotion of abstinence is the most effective way to curb the global AIDS pandemic’ creatively – or simply respond by with Guitar Music, Song, On Monday we’re holding an event lighting a candle. Reflect & Respond With speakers Dr Roger Ingham (University of Southhampton), and William Meara (US Embassy) Prayers & Contemplative time called A Journey to Stillness. It presents you with a variety of things With IC Debating Society Tomato soup available offers you a chance to be still in the to read, look at, think about and do, Time: 6.30pm Rowan Harvey (Terrence Higgins Trust) will be speaking middle of a busy day. We start with a and you can engage with whichever Venue: Mech Eng, Rm 342, South Kensington Bring an item of clothing for the charity Out of Afrika short meditation so that people can ones you choose to. Price: FREE let go of the rushing around and anx- ieties of everyday life. You are then invited to continue the meditation by “How do you find time FRIDAY walking into a labyrinth, which rep- All profits from the week resents a journey to stillness. The and space to think?” 2nd December will go to the charities: labyrinth has just one path (unlike a maze) and allows you to walk with- PARTY!!! Paint the Reynolds RED! Wear RED! Zisize Orphanage, South Africa out having to decide which route Both events are free and there’s (www.zisize.org) to take. This act of walking can be no need to sign up in advance. If Breakdancing from Funkology! very calming, and for many people is you’ve ever wished you could find a Cyan Jazz Band! 'Out of Afrika' easier than sitting still. People who moment of peace during your busy DJ! have used our labyrinth before have day at college, one of these events (www.outofafrika.org) found it very relaxing, and enjoyed could be a good place to start. Go Red Curry! Free Condoms! having a structured time of quiet. to www.chaplaincy.imperial.ac.uk or Time: 8pm (extended licence) 'Inter-Community Development Labyrinths arise at different times contact us on chaplaincy@imperial. Venue: Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross Hospital Involvement' (ICODEI) in history and in different cultures ac.uk for more information. Price: £3 dressed in red /or bought in advance (www.volunteerkenya.org) from around the world, so they are £4 without red felix Thursday 24 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 31

Sport [email protected] Thirsty for the win! Country bumpkins Celina Rughani fit in a friendly…!?!?!? Losers – they the receiving end of our ‘foul play’ triumph! knew we’d whoop their, not so trim, was half way across the court, and Adam Miller Kieron. A Formidable engine room arses! So we are now officially anti poor Ashley was her favourite victim manned by Jack and Max ran the Netball Queen Mary’s! – but in her defence, she was quite Show in the middle of the park, mir- Ok now I’ve got that out of my a big girl to try and get around. Mens Football rored by Wye’s best looking couple Imperial College 3rds 17 system, our match against Kings The other being delayed play - that Chris and Jamie sweeping up any- Kings College 3rds 16 was a scrapped victory, but a victory means our players weren’t getting UCCA Rochester XI 0 thing at the back. Wye’s strength all the same. It was an away match, back fast enough for the centre pass- Wye XI 15 in depth was made all too clear so planning ahead; we arranged to es – bull! As Anjali quite correctly with the addition of Calder, Jay and meet at South Ken station to make put it, “We were literally sprinting Millsy at half time. Special mention Our last scheduled match was a our way to Canada Water where back…her big arse couldn’t get back to stand-in goalie JD, as with all the home game against Queen Mary’s kindly one of their team members any faster!” (I warned you I’d be A score that would not look out of action in our box the crowd were 4ths, who haven’t won a single game would pick us up, giving us enough quoting). place posted upon the pavilion at a concerned had turned to stone! this season – so of course an easy time to warm up and practise a few After a quick pep talk we came local cricket ground ensured that The net was burst seven times win! …Not quite. After spend- plays. However, as we’re jinxed back on for the final quarter, all guns Wye’s 100% unbeaten start to the in the first half before a reshuf- ing what seemed an eternity finding with our travel, it took us twice the blazing, looking for no less than a season remained intact. It became fled second half team improved on these (now no longer) home courts time to get there due to the Jubilee win. Taking the first 5 goals, which apparent from kick-off that the game this with eight scorchers! There in some random area in Kensal deciding to be gay (excuse my non- brought us up to 14 all, the win was could potentially become a ‘walk in were plenty more goals in it with a Green, and being quite tempted to PC’ness) and stop-starting along at our fingertips. The final quarter the park,’ and it did so with the men number of spurned Wye opportuni- give up along the way and retire the way. Reaching nearly half an showed true drive and determina- in blue initiating a high tempo pass- ties but I suppose we should be for a drink in one of the Halloween hour late, we started almost straight tion of all the girls – Jade even went ing game. With the bagging of of our content with 15!! decorated pubs, we arrived to find away – with no centre bib. for goal outside the D! After the fifth first goal, we settled into a rhythm some admittedly cute, so of course We set off with great strength, goal, Kings managed to get their in which we began to express our non-imperial, footballers. All is good taking the lead and keeping major- mitts on the ball and started scor- refreshing flowing brand of attack- “A score that would until we realise there are no…posts! ity of the possession. Even though ing, the game went up to 16 all - all ing football. This relaxation brought Yes a netball court with no net- we were playing well, there were hearts stopped for the final minute, with it an onslaught of shots, pep- not look out of place ball posts – smart! By now Queen still some basic errors being made, there was no way we were settling pering a visibly quivering Rochester Mary’s were already making their which Kings took well advantage of. for a draw. Then, in the last few sec- goal. posted upon the pavil- way from Mile End – fair play long They pulled off a one goal difference onds, a fab-tastic goal – sneaking it way to come for no match. So out in the first quarter, extending it to in before Cruella could blow the final ion at a local cricket of the kindness of our hearts, and two by half time, and in the third whistle. What a high! Adrenaline seeing as we were all there anyway, quarter we were 14-9 down, but that rushing we got back in time for a “ a good days work ground” we decided to at least take them wasn’t about to put us off! The last quick drink at the union. Special for a drink – had quite an amusing quarter was our quarter – we domi- congratulations to Tombo for win- from every player” Another positive was the contin- session playing a random fruit and nated the court and made the game ning player of the match…again. ued solidity at the back- wye are still tube-line game…don’t ask I have no ours! Well played girls – a deserving win, Milton and Nick showed their pace yet to concede this season! All in all, idea. So anyway, when we asked to The ref was quite blatantly against they wanted it, but we wanted it out wide and provided excellent a good days work from every player re-schedule the match they tell us us from the start, with one of her more! delivery for our front pairing of Ian as the lads continue to march on they can’t because they don’t have favourite calls being contact, even and Rich, whilst being backed up relentlessly!! the time…but wait, they’re happy to though the player meant to be on excellently by full backs Lucas and A not so friendly The fours Head of the River friendly! Gilly Barber tinued we managed to send one of Mike Walsh oar again for the first time since last least was the girls’ ‘Senior 3’ coxed their girls off with a neat stick-chin year’s Olympics as a last minute sub four, who fought their way through contact from Charlotte, and some for his club, Leander. to 11th position in their category Ladies Hockey flying sticks from me, but to no avail Boat Club Eventually, after over 2 hours of despite having a 2 hour wait at the and half time ended 4-2. racing, the last of the crews made it start. Reading 4th XI 4 Some words of encouragement through the finish. From this point, With the evening ahead of us, and RSM XI 3 from our two lovely cheerleaders all we could do was to wait for the with many people already pretty far in the form of Mike and Sam and It was a remarkably pleasant results to be worked out by the race gone (alcohol is surprisingly quick we were back out on an even pitch November morning, the sun was organisers, and what better place to to affect you after a period of intense What can I say? A truly stunning playing 9-all. Everyone upped their out and the water was flat. Even wait than the bar… physical exertion!), the dance floor match was played by the RSM game in the second half and we more notable, though, was the A few pints and a quick down- at our neighbours, Thames Rowing Ladies Hockey team last Wednesday became the dominant team, with sight of over 500 racing boats lining load from the race website later and Club, began to draw the punters in. against a very nasty Reading 4ths. Alice snatching many a posses- the banks of the Thames between we had those all important results. Predictably, a night of crazy, drunk- We set out from campus for the long sion from right under their noses. Brentford Dock and Chiswick Pier Initially there was a bit of disap- en ‘dancing’ and general debauch- drive out to Reading with our usual Reading in their desperation turned (that’s almost 4 miles!) They were pointment as it turned out that none ery ensued. There were of course number of 9 players, to be met by to complaining to the umpires and all waiting for one thing - the chance of our crews had actually won their some less predictable occurrences, another team of 14 with rolling subs. rugby tackling our girls on the pitch, to race the ‘Championship Course’, events. However, there were some but I don’t think I’ll go into them Why do all our matches seem to be even managing to take out our lady- from Mortlake to Putney in the good performances all round. The here... (There’s a time and a place, the other team’s tryouts? Anyway, of-the-match Lucy. Some great Fours Head of the River. men’s quad came in 13th overall and and neither of them involve this a quick warm-up in the freezing defending from Dawn and Charlotte At just after 12:30, the horn sound- 4th in their category, seven seconds issue of Felix!) cold and we got underway. The first kept out their lousy attempts at ed and they were off! The proces- behind the victors. Even closer still So, all in all, a good start to the half was especially tricky for us as another goal, and with Stacey and sional race was led away under was the top men’s coxed four, who main racing season. We definitely they were fielding 11 players so 2 Dasha up front we managed anoth- Chiswick Bridge by a quad scull put together a strong race to finish all need to put some work in over the messy goals slipped past our keeper er stunning one taking the score to packed with GB international row- 2nd in the ‘Senior 1’ category, less coming months, but now we know Rachel. However we fought back 4-3 (even if it did go in off the goal- ers, but the chase was on as the than 2 seconds adrift of the winners. where we stand, and what we’ve got with an awesome play up the wing wheel and not the post!). Minutes following crews looked to make their Further down the field, the 3 ‘Senior to aim for... from Heather and a very neat goal later the final whistle blew and it mark on the race. The first IC crew 2’ coxless fours were 5th, 14th and On another note, I feel that a men- from Lucy – our first of the sea- was all over, but with such breath- down was the ‘Senior 2’ quad of Ben 15th, and the ‘Senior 1’ coxless four tion should be made of those boys son no less! Two minutes later, and taking play it won’t be long until we Smith, Ed Johnson, Will Laughton was 9th. Also putting up a good and girls from the club who made against a very sloppy Reading, we are racing up the league! Massive and George Whittaker. This was the fight was the top ‘Senior 3’ coxed the trip to Boston (Lincs’ not USA) were even with another goal from thanks to everyone that played – a top priority crew for the club, but the crew, who, despite having to carry for the first GB international trials of our frontman Dasha. As play con- truly inspiring match! guys didn’t appear to be feeling the Connie down the course with them, the year. Of particular note were the pressure as they came through the managed to beat one of the coxless performances of George, who came start looking smooth and controlled. fours and also finished a creditable home 4th in men’s heavyweight, And so it went on, with boat after 3rd in their category, with the ‘B’ and new-boy Will, who pulled out an Please send your sports reports, boat setting off to tackle the gruel- crew further back in 13th place. The astounding 8th position in his first ling 20 minute course. Among them girls also came up with some useful senior level trials. We’ll have to wait reviews and comments to were another 10 IC crews, includ- results - the top quad finished as the and see how the season unfolds, but ing three from this year’s promising 8th fastest women’s’ crew overall there’s certainly promise there in women’s’ squad. Also in the mix, for (5th in their category), with the 2nd terms of potential international rep- [email protected] the eagle-eyed amongst us, was one quad not too far behind them (8th resentation - fingers crossed. James Cracknell, who picked up an in the same category). Last but not felix 32 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 24 November 2005

sport [email protected] Batizado for Capoeira Abolição Imperial Capoeiristas earn their cordas Dom Thorrington to attack or counter-attack your opponent, but the art of Capoeira is only really seen the roda, and Capoeira at the end of this special lesson Mestre Delei invited us to create a roda with him. Some of the group Salve! Most of you might not have had only been playing Capoeira heard about the Afro-Brazilian mar- for one month, so the opportunity tial art of Capoeira, so you probably to play against him was unbeliev- don’t know that we have our own able! He tested our skills, know- Capoeira Society here at Imperial. ing some had only played for one Well, allow me to explain… month, and gave everyone a taste It all began in the ‘slave-trade’ of true Capoeira played by some- in the 16th Century; people were one who has devoted their life to kidnapped from Africa and sold as Capoeira Abolição. For those who slaves in Brazil. Those captured were looking to earn their first devised a plan to free themselves corda, he tested them a bit more, from the shackles of slavery – they trying to see if they were worthy of weren’t permitted to train in any the corda verde. fighting arts or skills, so created a For the rest of the Batizado, the new martial art disguised as a dance. group had longer training sessions This is how Capoeira was born. In with Mestre (some running for over the game, Capoeiristas gather in three hours) with some music and a circle (roda) with various instru- singing lessons thrown in to com- ments at the head of the roda play- plete the training. A Capoeirista ing tribal music. The Capoeiristas Haven’t I seen you somewhere before? Oh, that’s right - naked on page 3. not only needs to be skilled in clap and sing to the music, whilst acrobatic and fluid movements, but two people play Capoeira to the stretching across the globe, allow- Last week however, Capoeira ing valuable new skills from Mestre must also be capable of playing the rhythm in the centre of the roda. ing us to be trained by some of the Abolição UK had its annual Batizado and earning their first cordas (corda various instruments used in the It has always been played in the best Capoeiristas in the world. We – a one-week workshop put on by our verde), with one earning his second roda – the atabaque (floor-stand- streets and on the beaches of Brazil, currently have academies in the UK, Master - Mestre Delei ‘Kaçula’, end- corda (corda amarelo). For the other ing drum), pandeiro (tambourine) but now has reached every corner USA, Peru, Colombia, Mexico, Costa ing with a ceremony for those who members not in the Batizado, Mestre and the berimbau (like a long bow of the planet. Rica, Puerto Rico and Brazil. The have earned their first belt (corda) arranged a special class so that they with a wooden bowl at one end Capoeira is a martial art full of fluid man in charge of the UK branch is and are “baptised” as Capoeiristas, didn’t miss out on this amazing oppor- – the music is played by hitting and dynamic movements of attack Formado ‘Polvo’, our instructor who and for those who have earned a tunity to train with him. the string and changing the pitch and counter-attack, with some awe- also allows us to attend his private higher corda. Mestre trains three Mestre Delei, like all Masters of with a stone), as well as knowing some acrobatics thrown into the mix lessons in Chelsea and Ladbroke times a day at his academy in Miami, any martial art, insists on absolute the songs and different rhythms of too. The finished display is a beauti- Grove outside of college hours. Other and also travels to all other acad- perfection in practicing our martial the game. ful blend of music, singing, dance, Abolição representatives (Graduado emies throughout the world giv- art, as well as complete dedication to If you would like to know more attack/counter-attack and the tradi- ‘Duplo’ and Graduado ‘Madimbu’) ing these Batizados, allowing each the group and to Capoeira generally. about Capoeira, why not come tions of those who created Capoeira. also allow us to train with them Capoeirista to train with the best It was the most exhausting lesson and try a class? We meet every It is quite simply a martial art unlike in Brixton, Bow and Vauxhall. So Capoeirista in Abolição. Amazingly, we have ever had in college, but well Monday in the Union Gym at 6pm, anything you will have ever seen coupled with the lessons held in col- he was awarded his black belt at just worth the aching muscles the next running till 7:30pm. You can get before. lege, IC Capoeiristas have plenty of 20 years of age. day. more details by emailing us at Our society is affiliated to Capoeira opportunities to enhance their skills Some members of IC Capoeira A normal lesson consists of learn- [email protected]. Abolição, a group of Capoeiristas in this art. took part in the main event, learn- ing various moves and techniques

Quick Crossword by Fishface

1 1 2 2 3 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 Across Down 7. eg Autumn (6) 1. Children’s TV show: _____ Street (6) 7 8 8 8. Knitting implement (6) 2. Guess (8) 9. Vehicle (4) 3. Additional performance (6) 7 8 10. Dutifully complying with commands (8) 4. Put in (6) 11. Ten years (6) 5. Lunch counter (4) 9 10 12. Red fruit (6) 6. Celestial body (6) 14. Gentle touch (6) 13. Long race (8) 9 17. Breakfast food (6) 15. Shrewd (6) Crossword 19. Popular series of films (4,4) 16. At widely spaced intervals (6) 11 12 13 21. Norse god (4) 17. Public place for gambling (6) Setters 22. Official marks used for postage (6) 18. Famous NASA space programme (6) 14 10 11 12 23. Narrow strip of pasta (6) 20. Easy victory (4) Required 14 15 16 17 18 please! 13 14 15 16 (pretty please) 19 20 21

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18 [email protected]