page 12 Oil - new business section Smack my... well, you know what page 17

NUDITY WARNING Wouldn’t that have been a cool picture. But lack of light forced us to the library! page 3

FREE No 1332 Thursday 3 NOVEMBER 2005 The student newspaper of Imperial College felixonline.co.uk

felix Travelcard Students outraged as debacle Adam Rae

Imperial students are being charged faculties reshuffled £5 a time to take a chance at getting “Its appalling that students and the student’s Union were not consulted in a student discount travelcard, with no guarantee of success – because advance” Sameena Misbahuddin, Union President Transport for London (TfL) can’t recognise a Registry stamp. TfL currently runs a scheme whereby students in London can receive travel discounts through a successful application for a student Oyster card. Applications are made with forms only available through Imperial College Registry, which are stamped with the official Imperial College seal, and the Registrar’s signature. One Imperial student, having had his application rejected, enquired about the reason and was told that signature on record didn’t quite match up with that provided by the Registry. He was told that nothing could be done until the Registry had sorted out the problem with TfL, replacing the signature used for comparison – meaning he would have to make another application, costing another five pounds, and would have no travel discounts in the mean time. Again, no guarantee could be made that his second appli- cation would be successful. Further Can Life scientists and Physicists live in harmony? We’re about to find out investigation revealed that other students were in similar predica- Tristan Sherliker, Kilian Frensch & their Faculty roles on 31 December. to be sharing Sir Richard’s excite- structure than Imperial College. ments. Mariko Tavernier Prof Duff will move on to take the ment. Sameena Misbahuuddinn, They fear that the change in Faculty What about a refund for students? Abdus Salaam Chair of Theoretical Imperial College Union President, structure may lead to blurring of The official line is that the money Physics, Professor Borysiewicz will expressed the general upset stu- discipline boundaries rather than covers the processing of the form, Imperial College have announced remain Deputy Rector, a position in dents are feeling due to the lack of broadening of scope predicted by and is entirely non-refundable – even plans to merge the faculties of Life which he is well established. consultation: “After everything that College. Students are also doubtful for failed applications, regardless of Sciences and Physical Sciences, In the announcement, the Rector, happened last year with students that the handover will be as smooth reason. to create a new Faculty of Natural Sir Richard Sykes, pointed out that not being informed about the future as the Rector predicts. Unofficially, Registry staff have Sciences. The Rector announced it is becoming “increasingly appar- of the Wye Campus, this is another When approached by Felix, College mentioned that it appears that the decision, which takes immedi- ent that discipline areas within example of College not informing us said that the decision was “made approximately half of the appli- ate effect, in an email to selected the two Faculties [have become] of what is happening and the effects exclusively by the Management cations made recently have been College staff on Tuesday 1 October. more closely aligned” since the last that it could have on students.” Board”, the College’s “senior deci- refused on the same grounds, which No students were consulted or even Faculty structure assessment in One second year Biochemistry sion-making body”. A body on which implies that half have been accept- informed of the decision. 2001”. He draws attention to the student said, “Now there’ll be a load only a select members of College ed. Yet all the applications made The new faculty will come under the vital statistics: “The new combined more really ugly gimps in our fac- staff sit, so there is the possibil- through College have been stamped directorship of Sir Peter Knight FRS, Faculty will employ over 1,100 staff, ulty!” Some students dislike the per- ity that the majority of College staff with exactly the same seal and sig- the current head of the Department teach over 2,700 undergraduates, ceived loss of individuality among were also kept in the dark until nature. of Physics. Professor Michael Duff, train over 680 PhD students, and departments, which is important for recently. Both the Union and Registry have Principal of the Faculty of Physical have a research income totalling a community feeling within cours- At the time of going to print Felix taken the matter in hand, and are Sciences, and Professor Sir Leszek £56.5 million”. He also described the es; other objections were raised in was unable to secure comment from contacting TfL to try and resolve Borysiewicz, Acting Principal of merger as “compelling and excit- response to the similarity to univer- the principal members of staff in the the situation and provide feedback the Faculty of Life Sciences (and ing”. sities such as Cambridge, which they faculties concerned. Deputy Rector), will step down from However, students don’t seem consider to have a weaker course Leader, page 17 Continued, page 2 felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

NEWS [email protected] felix 1,333 ULU in chaos Thursday 3.11.05 ULU President resigns whilst ULU Council Chair is likely to faces no confidence motion over homophobic comments

Rupert Neate “I would shoot my gay son” made before he took up his cur- Columnists attack Editor rent position speculation abounds Omar Hashmi and Alex Guite Meanwhile, in a separate matter, that a motion of no confidence will give Felix both barrels Stewart Halforty, the President of Luca Manfredi, ULU Council Chair, be brought against him at the next “It seems that it is not just The the University of London Union faces the threat of a no confidence ULU Council meeting. In the inter- Sunday Times that stoops to the resigned this week citing insur- motion as a result of homophobic im Manfredi will not chair any ULU lowest levels of sensationalist mountable differences with the way remarks. Manfredi, who is also the meetings. journalism, with no regard for ULU is managed. General Secretary of UCL, posted Manfredi also personally apolo- consequences for those actually Halforty told Felix; he “didn’t want his view of homosexuality and gay gised to James Peachy for inter- trying to change circumstances to waste a year being a figurehead marriage on a UCL Union web- rupting “I pushed the ‘override’ but- for the better” unable to change anything... I’ve notice board last November. ton inappropriately at Council by Page 16 u got a degree to finish”. He dislikes Most notably he said that if a muting Jason. I reputed the matter the fact that “the manager of ULU future son introduced him to his of extreme importance and there- is controlled by the University of boyfriend he would “take out a big fore thought it should be discussed Art on your doorstep London, not the President of the gun and make sure he [would] not at length [after council]. However, The Wildlife Photographer of the Union. I’ve ended up as just a fig- dishonour my family”. I acted in an entirely inappropriate year: and you don’t need to make urehead” At a recent ULU Council meeting, way” an effort to see it! He doesn’t think ULU “can con- Manfredi was asked to answer for Stewart Halforty, ULU president Page 10 u tinue in its present state, it has to his previous comments. Manfredi told Felix, “He should apologise be managed by the elected officers”. twice interrupted Jason Peachy, of profusely and prostrate himself in Imperial - world leader He decided to resign as it would be the ULU LGBT, who read out some front of Council”. Sarah Khatib, ICU “Toby Ferenczi talks to Professor “the best way to get his message of Manfredi’s comments. Deputy President (Education and Barnham of the Experimental Solid across”. Manfredi has since issued an Welfare) told Felix she thought “it State Group about the potential of Halforty will not be replaced, apology in which he states “The was inappropriate to publish. He third-generation solar cells instead the role will be split between comments do not reflect my opin- should have apologised at the time, Page 4 u the three remaining Deputy ion in any way. I distance myself but he has apologised now and that Presidents. He will now return to from them totally and uncondition- should be fine. We can’t dwell too his studies at Goldsmiths, after a ally. The comments were intended much on the past”. She did not com- This Week two and a bit year Hiatus (he has for use against one very restricted ment as to how she would vote if a News 2 Business 6 already held sabbatical positions at group of people.” no confidence motion were brought Science 4 The Union 18 Goldsmiths, including President). Although the comments were at the next ULU council. Music 12 Comment 16 Film 9 Letters 19 Arts 8 Agony Aunt/Horoscopes 20 Media 14 Coffee Break 21 Fashion 15 Sport 24 TfL Students betrayed over continued from page 1

‘Southside bar’ to students involved. Sudoku No 1333 The Real Ale Society unlike those already provided - this When the question of the possi- the petition clearly stated, and this bility of TfL’s summary rejection Complete the On 7 November, the new ‘Southside was therefore clearly demanded by of applications as a money mak- grid so that Bar’ will open in the ground floor the members of Imperial College ing scheme was put to the Mayor every row, every of Linstead Hall. The new name who signed it. Once again, the of London, Ken Livingstone, at the column and 6 4 5 8 has not been confirmed. Ordinarily, College seems to think it knows us London Assembly, he assured us every 3x3 square this would be an occasion to rejoice better than we do. that “TfL is not using the processing contains the dig- - a victory for the small people! Felix made enquiries regard- fee as a means of generating income its 1 to 9. Email 8 2 5 1 However, what has not gone unno- ing this discrepancy and received … [upon rejection of an applica- your solution to ticed is that somewhere the plans numerous responses from a repre- tion] references are always given to felix@imperial. 3 2 8 7 have been changed. Anybody who sentative. However, in one response, that part of the application which is ac.uk by Friday cares to look inside the building site a mention is made of ‘student rep- defective”. He also mentioned that 28 October 4pm. 6 4 will see the plans dictate not a bar, resentatives’ having been at this specific complaints would be given When I will ran- but a licensed cafe with shop kiosk. meeting, at which it is claimed plans careful attention. domly select a This suggests that the College has, for the licensed cafe were agreed Mel Chapman (Tickets Initiatives winner to receive 2 5 1 4 once again, gone behind the back of - If this alludes to the meeting Manager for TfL) mentioned that either a 128MB the students. involving Tobias Dalton et al, this “over 300,000 applications are proc- USB stick or a 7 4 6 9 In a meeting last term which is quite simply not true. In a later essed per annum” and “the appli- crate of beer. included Tobias Dalton (Real Ale response, mention is made of the cation process must be as quick Last week’s win- society chairman), former union single ‘elected student representa- and streamlined as possible”, before ner was Adam 8 3 9 4 president Mustafa Arif, and College tive,’ ie Mustafa Arif. This suggests mentioning that “the stamped signa- Sykulski. representatives, it was agreed that two things - either that the College ture differs quite significantly from the ground floor of Linstead Hall wishes to deny the agreement that the sample supplied”. However, be the new home for what was the was made in the first meeting, or after complaints from the Registry Southside Bar. Plans were pro- that further meetings were held Office, he conceded that the appli- duced at the meeting, which clearly after the agreement was made. cations had been wrongly refused, showed a bar with the possibility It should be noted that Mr Dalton and agreed to issue Student Oyster/ of some food services, but no shop. was called into this first meeting as Photocards against the rejected Staff At the end of this meeting, College an auxiliary student representative, applications, adding the caveat that Editor Business Editor and student representatives were since certain College representa- TfL “would not be liable for any Rupert Neate Simon Jones in unanimous agreement regard- tives said they did not trust Mr Arif adult rate fares paid by students in ing these changes. Yet now, what to remain true to what he had said the interim”. Deputy Editor (Science) Politics Editor is being built is far removed from in a meeting held previously. In this Alexander Antonov Matthew Hartfield the bar that was originally agreed. earlier meeting, which included four The College has gone back on its members of the Real Ale Society Music Editor Media Editor agreement between the end of last and Mr Arif, it was agreed that there Andrew Sykes James Yearsley term and now, clearly when the stu- was a need to replace the Southside dents, either ensconced in exams or Bar, and that Mr Arif was to go for- Sports Editor Fashion Editor Copy Editors away for the holidays, were unable ward with this to the College. Stephen Brown Dolly Delanay Tristan Sherliker to respond. A petition, signed by 4,000 mem- Ryan Dee Despite the Real Ale Society hav- bers of Imperial College who made Film Editor Coffee Break Editor ing campaigned tirelessly for ‘a quiet the effort to sign during the exam Yuen Ai Lee Shaun Stanworth Web Editor alternative to the Union,’ it seems period proves that a second bar was David Ingram that the college has ordered a rep- wanted. Arts Editor Ads Manager lica of da Vinci’s. The whole purpose Emily Lines Anthony Obiekwe of the “Save Our Southside” cam- paign was to gain a replacement bar Leader, page 17 Leader, page 17 Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Telephone 020 7594 8072. Fax 020 7594 8115. Printed by Sharman & Co Ltd, Newark Road, Peterborough PE1 5TD. No. 1,333, Felix Bar Night Tonight! Thursday 3 NOVEMBER 2005. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2005 If you have contributed to Felix get your comeuppance - Free drinks! Union bar 7pm Jack Cutler, 18

Physics (1st Year)

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Photo: Kristina Buch felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

SCIENCE [email protected]

science [email protected] Imperial to become world News in leader in solar energy Brief Tracing tRNA’s dance Scientists have employed the Toby Ferenczi talks to Professor Barnham of the Experimental Solid sixth fastest computer in the world to simulate how the State Group and reports on the potential of third-generation solar cells. ribosome accurately constructs proteins. Although the techni- ’m not the only one concerned reach of the average homeowner, on third-generation solar cells. charge and thus create a voltage, cal achievement has shattered about global warming. As Tony despite potential savings in the long This design is expected to become which generates electrical current. the previous record for biologi- Blair warned last year, global run. But then, if the leader of our prevalent as the world’s everyday Third-generation solar cells have cal simulation, ribosome spe- warming poses “a challenge country believes this issue to be so solar panel. Third-generation solar several advantages over earlier cialists are wary of the study’s so far-reaching in its impact important, where are the billions of cells, or Quantum Well Solar Cells designs. They use semiconductor conclusions. Because of limita- andI irreversible in its destructive pounds of investment? (QWSCs), have the potential to be material that allows the use of a tions in computing power, the power, that it alters radically human Professor Barnham believes there cheaper, more versatile and, as wider range of radiation from the simulation had to occur tens of existence”. are several possible reasons for this, Tibbits is preparing to demonstrate, sun, reducing wasted energy. Also, millions of times faster than it Whether you think human exist- but pinning them down is difficult more efficient than any other single- because the active, light-absorbing occurs naturally within the cell. ence will be altered or not, there is and speculative. Investment is split junction solar cell in existence. region is just 3 millionths of a metre now a consensus that greenhouse thick, they can be manufactured into gas emissions are changing our cli- very thin, and therefore cheap, lay- mate, and with this summer’s hurri- ers. canes, melting ice, floods and more QWSCs are formed by combining hurricanes, there is greater urgency the semiconducting layer with other in the question, ‘What can be done?’ layers that provide the electrical Encouragingly, for many scientists contacts and anti-reflective coat- the question is not so much ‘What ings. A concentrator is then used to can be done?’ but ‘Why aren’t we focus light from a wide area onto the doing it?’ active region of the cell. The efficiency of solar cells is measured by the ratio of energy Birds v. windmills battle “The radiation falling on that hits the cell to the energy it heads to California courts generates. At present, the efficiency Two environmental groups buildings in this country world record is 27.6%, achieved by have gone to court with the is seven times greater the Spire Corporation back in 1991. aim of shutting down the farm Tibbits is preparing to test his devic- at Altamont Pass, CA for three than the electricity used es over the next few months and is months during the migra- confident of breaking the 28% mark. tion season to help protect within them.” The danger is the ever-present red-tail hawks, golden eagles, Professor Keith Barnham of the threat of being overtaken by com- and other raptors killed by Experimental Solid State Group at petitors in Japan and the United the mills. The nearly 6,000 Imperial is a leading advocate of States, who are working on similar windmills on the rolling hills of solar energy. He thinks that tech- projects with bigger budgets. Altamont Pass, 60 miles east of nologies capable of satisfying our San Francisco, make up one of energy needs without polluting the the largest wind farms in the atmosphere already exist. “While we still have country. The sun is a power station of unim- aginable scale. “The radiation which light years to travel falls on buildings in this country is before we can ban seven times greater than the elec- tricity used within them.” Therefore, fossil fuels, at least we covering just a fraction of buildings in reasonably efficient solar cells have a direction.” would remove entirely the need for On a wider scale, however, this conventional energy sources. kind of competition is good news. While Professor Barnham believes Many ideas are around to develop that other alternatives such as wind these devices into marketable prod- and wave power will all play a role ucts. One possibility is the ‘smart- in the energy budget, solar energy windows’, mentioned by Tony Blair. Red Planet comes close presents several key advantages. Windows incorporating material that to Earth Firstly, as the sun shines every- is capable of both shielding us from Mars had a close encounter where, electricity can be produced in sunlight and generating electric- with Earth, approaching to ample supply at the location where ity from it will provide clean energy within 69.4 million km of our it is required, reducing the need and reduce our need for it and stop planet in the early hours of for inefficient power lines stretch- the insane practise of drawing the Sunday. Conditions were cloudy ing hundreds of miles. Secondly, blinds to turn on the lights. over most of the UK, meaning solar panels can be incorporated While we still have light years amateur astronomers had dif- into building design, and so do not to travel before we can ban fossil ficulty seeing the planet. Mars require large scale infrastructure fuels, at least we have a direction. It will not swing this close to of their own. And thirdly, because Blue-sky thinking: Tom Tibbits is attempting to create the world’s best appears that burning fossil fuels is Earth for another 13 years. our energy consumption is greatest single-junction solar cell. Inset: a single cell, pictured with a 5 pence not a necessity in an industrialised during the day, solar energy produc- piece. Arrays of these could meet future energy needs. society. There is a growing senti- tion matches our usage patterns, so ment that we can and should keep storage is less of a problem. between a wide range of technolo- The basic principle of solar cells is hold of the freedoms that technol- Thus we may well ask: if solar pan- gies vying for attention. That’s why that when radiation hits a particular ogy has given us, but the habit- els are the solution to global warm- he is overseeing research designed class of material known as a semi- ability of our planet must obviously ing, why are they not everywhere to make solar the obvious choice. conductor, electrons in this material be a priority. If we are prepared to already? Why are we still talking Tom Tibbits, a former student of are excited and released from their invest both financially and politi- about nuclear power and natural Professor Barnham and now a con- normal position, or ‘hole’. If you can cally, it should be possible to live in gas? Crucially, the cost of install- sultant at the Centre for Integrated trap these electrons before they fall a developed world without changing ing solar panels puts them out of Photonics, is currently working down again, it is possible to store the make-up of our planet. felix Thursday 3 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

SCIENCE [email protected] Have you been stolen? Letters Dear Felix, in answer to the question ‘What Meera Senthilingam reviews the dangers of cyber-space. would it take for you to deliber- After reading your article ately infect yourself with a dose fraid to buy things online? to make purchases over or do their trooms? They see what rooms you “Intestinal Worm Medicine” I of intestinal worm eggs?’ I would Wonder who’s watching banking with. What do you think? use and pretend they want to know was rather disheartened by the say that I would love to be part you at an ATM? The cosy Over 30% of the audience had also you. When is your birthday? How old flippant attitude towards aller- of that trial if it meant that I yet modern setting of the been affected by cyber-crime or are you? I’m in London, how about gies. Allergies are not just a case could, even for one week, spend Dana Centre was the identity theft in the past. you? All normal questions, but they of sneezing in the pollen season an evening in the union with my placeA to be this week if you wanted now know your date of birth and or around animals, I suffer from friends or walk down the road to protect yourself from the new area you live in. This was the kind of asthma, eczema and hay fever unafraid of it inadvertently lead- wave of crime that has hit us hard “Over 60% of the insight given at the event. and, as with me, often these ing to a hospital; small liberties this decade: cyber-crime. audience thought The university researchers allergies are a way of life. For that so many students here take On Tuesday 25 October, the Centre explained how they had stepped into instance, I must be careful which for granted. hosted one if its usual evening events shopping and banking the shoes of these criminals and soap powders I use as they can – but with a twist. It was not a single even spoken to current criminals to cause my skin to itch uncontrolla- Nicola Hopkins speaker dictating to you but instead on the internet were get an insight. They have used each bly, certain shower crèmes make a panel of experts from the field other’s credit cards many times and my skin unbearably tight (so Kathryn Lougheed replies: combined with interactive remote not safe.” have easily been able to look and much so that I need to shower controls for audience participation. Approximately £1.3 billion pounds learn other people’s pins at check- again with different soap), some I am extremely sorry for any The panel included Detective a year is lost through cyber-crime. outs and cashpoints. If you have soaps and moisturisers make the offence my article on intestinal Chief Inspector of the economic Did you know it is not illegal to worked in a shop before, I’m sure skin on my hands so dry it can worms and allergy may have and specialist crime unit for the have more than one identity in the you know that most sales assistants crack and bleed. As I am sure caused to serious allergy suf- Metropolitan Police, Stuart Dark, UK? It only becomes illegal when never really look at the signatures you can see this is more extreme ferers. I can assure you that my crime researchers Emily Finch and you use false identities to commit on peoples cards – criminals thrive than the perceived ‘sniffles’ asso- intention was never to ridicule Stefan Falinski from UEA and the crime. Did you also know that the on this; they pretend not to know ciated with allergies! The article those who find their day to day University of Leeds, and McAfee way a large proportion of thieves their pin and ask to sign for the only further served to highlight life affected by allergy. I com- representatives Greg Day and Jack get your details is via internet cha- goods they buy. how little most people truly know pletely understand how serious Clark. The panel gave a compre- So what was the message sent about conditions such as asthma. allergic conditions including hensive view of just how many ways out at the event? Watch your back! Most people’s idea of asthma asthma can be. The aim of the criminals can get to you without you Make sure no one is within viewing is little children wheezing after article, however, was not to having the slightest clue! distance when you enter your pin running around too much in the educate the readers of the paper The night started with a selection anywhere. Shred your bank state- playground however as a severe about allergic disease, although of questions geared at the audience: ment and receipts before binning asthmatic I can assure you this is I do agree that most of us, me Have you been affected by cyber- them – these scum are happy to rifle not the case. There are reasons included, know very little about crime? Which do you think is saf- through your garbage. Check your as to why the NHS categorises these conditions. est out of telephones, internet and accounts regularly for any unusual asthma in the chronic illness Instead I attempted to provide Switch cards? Which of these do you transactions and, last but not least, bracket along with illnesses such a light-hearted look at how the feel is least safe? This was where always check the full identity of call- as diabetes. For example, not initially shocking suggestion of the ‘ask the audience’-style remotes ers if they ask you for any personal only are asthmatics more prone infecting yourself with intesti- came in use. information or passwords. Basically, to illnesses such as flu but asth- nal worms could in fact have Over 60% of the audience said Cyber-crime: beware of what your they are everywhere – on the streets, ma has its own inherent dangers; some serious benefits to allergy they felt the internet was not safe computer knows about you. on the phone and online! one person dies every seven sufferers. While some of the hours of asthma in the UK and readers of this article, like you, the Asthma Campaign estimates will undoubtedly find their lives that 90% of these deaths are hampered by allergic disease, preventable. What most people most will consider hay fever and don’t realise is that the major- other minor allergies little more ity of asthmatics that die are in than an annoyance. Although fact often not chronic but young this opinion is obviously not Risky business students (often at university) shared by you, the point of the who only hold a blue inhaler and article was not to rectify the Amber Bauer attends a debate on the portrayal of risk. take no preventative medicine. common misconceptions about This is because mild asthmatics allergy explained in your letter. I SE, foot-and-mouth dis- Riddell said that a declining belief often underestimate the severity had hoped that the article would ease, SARS and, most in God and an afterlife was partially of an attack and do not call an instead make readers think recently, bird flu. Every “We now live in a responsible. Many people’s focus ambulance in time (most deaths about intestinal worms in a new year there is a new lead culture that has a has shifted to the here and now. Life occur within 2 hours of an attack light, while at the same time let- story in the newspa- has become even more precious beginning!). ting allergy sufferers know about persB that makes the world seem proclivity to exaggerate because many believe that there is Personally, as a sufferer of some research that may soon be as though it were becoming a risk- nothing after death. chronic asthma, I find my life of benefit to them. ier place to live. On the evening of everything,” according Riddell also said that people have severely restricted and not just The more serious allergy suf- 27 October, a panel at the Royal to Prof Bill Durodié begun to place more trust in rea- from being unable to go deep ferers among the Felix readers Institution of Great Britain led a son and knowledge. Fear builds up sea diving! My main ‘trigger’ is should take the fact that this discussion on the issue of how risk Wright said. where there is a lack of facts. cigarette smoke, hence I must research is underway as an should be assessed and interpolat- Morley was quick to point out, how- In the old days religion offered hold my breath every time I pass indication that many scientists ed, especially by the government ever, that as a government official the answers, Wright said. Now, sci- a smoker in the street and cannot take their conditions very seri- and the media. you have to “think the unthinkable” entists are seen as being able to enjoy entertainment at the union, ously indeed even if the majority “We now live in a culture that in order to protect the people. The provide the answers to the big ques- go to bars, clubs or restaurants of the public do not fully under- has a proclivity to exaggerate every- government has to pay attention to tions. However, they don’t always (something I’m not convinced stand the severity of the prob- thing,” said Bill Durodié, professor the ‘what-ifs’ – making contingency have the answers, as in the case of the Equal Opportunities Officer lem. At the time of writing the at Cranfield University. plans and informing the public of bird flu. will dare attempt to rectify). If I original article, the Nottingham The remainder of the panel con- the danger – because, as shown with The lack of substantial facts sur- should brave a smoky environ- based group of scientists were sisted of Elliot Morley MP, Minister BSE, there is more danger in not rounding the possible bird flu pan- ment I run the risk of ending still trying to recruit hay fever of State for Climate Change and taking the risk seriously enough. demic has caused a problem in the the night with a trip to hospital and asthma sufferers for their Environment; Mary Riddell, a But why does fear seem to be media, according to Riddell. There followed by a week off uni and at trial. I can provide anyone inter- columnist for The Observer; and more prevalent now than in the is really no “objective truth” to the very least will be in severe ested in volunteering with their Matthew Wright, a Channel 5 pre- past? “Why does the world seem like report. Most of the stories are based agony and unable to breathe. So phone number. senter. Sheena McDonald, an award- a riskier place to live?” an audience on guesswork. winning broadcast journalist and member asked. Thus, according to Durodié, the presenter, chaired the discussion. According to Durodié, people now government, the media and the pub- Most of the panel agreed that both live in a state of isolation. Traditional lic have been lulled into “worst- the media and the government had networks are breaking down, leav- case speculation,” the majority of Any views or comments probably exaggerated the risk of ing people to face the world on their debates centering on vaccines and bird flu. According to these jour- own. It’s the difference between the government preparedness. on the articles in the nalists and politicians, there was feelings you have walking down a No consensus was reached on how no guarantee that the virus would dark street in the middle of the night risk should be communicated by mutate to become capable of per- with a group of friends and the feel- both the media and the government. science section? son-to-person infection. ings you have in the same situation However, Riddell said that in her “I’m more worried about dying in when you are by yourself, Durodié experience, “The greater the fuss, a car crash to tell you the truth,” said. the smaller the risk – eventually.” [email protected] felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

[email protected] business Big oil weathers Katrina with Back in record profits Business Simon Jones accused of profiting from others’ Welcome to the latest addition misfortunes. However, the combined to Felix – the Business section. profits of BP, Shell and Exxon Mobil By way of an introduction my Exxon Mobil corp. – the world’s larg- reached $21bn – exceeding the GDP name is Simon Jones, I have est listed energy company – last of Sri Lanka – and the three compa- worked for Shell Exploration week unveiled record-breaking third nies’ combined revenue of $291.9bn and for BP, and I am currently quarter net profit of $9.9bn (£6.6bn). exceeded the GDP of Austria. in my second year of Geology The figure, which represents a 75 in the RSM, and my interests, per cent increase on the same peri- or rather my expertise are in od last year is the highest ever in the oil and mining sectors. US corporate history. Despite clo- “...(third quarter) net Legend has it that “half of sures at Gulf coast refining facilities Imperial end up working down as a result of Hurricane Katrina, profit of $9.9bn...the the road in the city”, and although the company faired better than its highest ever in US this may not be entirely true, the peers, putting the cost of the hur- business section is the perfect ricane at $45m; equivalent to 50,000 corporate history” Oil majors incurred hurricane damage costs of hundreds of millions of place for all you millionaires- bopd (barrels of oil per day). dollars, but still posted record profits on the back of high oil prices to-be to kick-off your career in Oil reached a record nomi- Other oil majors to release third- finance. nal high of $70.85 per barrel after quarter figures include Shell, who Katrina hit BP particularly hard, but the target companies will be Many people simply don’t have Hurricane Katrina crippled oil pro- as a result of hurricane Katrina is reducing profits by $700m. BP has very expensive in the high oil price time to read the Financial Times duction in the Gulf of Mexico. OPEC currently producing less than half hinted at possible job cuts in recent environment. on a regular basis, or are baffled released an extra 2 million barrels of its normal oil production from the days, in its refining, marketing and The fourth and most probable by all the jargon and phrases such of oil per day onto world markets in Gulf of Mexico. The Anglo-Dutch lubricants divisions in an effort to option is for companies to “buy- as “credit derivative swaps”. My September, but with refiners in need group’s profits increased 30% to cut costs. back” their own shares, and increas- intention is not to compete with of high quality, easy to refine crude, $5.8bn (£3.3bn). The biggest problem for the oil ing the value of remaining shares, the FT, but is to pick the most sig- the markets took little notice of the Profits at BP increased 27 per majors is where to spend the cash. because profits are divided between nificant stories that have devel- extra supplies of low quality crude, cent to $5.3bn (£3.9bn). The com- The obvious option is to invest it fewer shares. oped throughout the week, and and prices have remained above pany has had a mixed year so far, in new oil fields, but profit margins The Treasury may have another present them in a form that is $60 per barrel since. The price of after the explosion at the Texas City need to be protected incase the oil ideas however, as it considers rais- concise, and the average reader gasoline rose 34 per cent in one oil refinery that killed 15 employees price falls dramtically. Option two ing royalties on North Sea oil reve- is able to understand. day, as the effect of the hurricane the company has signed deals open- is investing in renewables, such as nues from the current 40%, in order [email protected] became clear, yet some oil compa- ing up key emerging markets in wind and solar; but these lack the to bolster public finances nies made losses on petrol as they both China and India, and remains returns provided by oil and gas. were unable to pass the price rise the only major oil company to have Option three is acquisitions – using on to consumers for fears of being significant operations in Russia. the cash to purchase smaller rivals,

Bush selects successor to Greenspan Simon Jones consumer demand would fall and specific targets however, is that they rein in the deficit. Low cost goods can leave little room to maneover if from China have kept prices of con- other factors emerge US President George W Bush last sumer goods low in recent years, week nominated Ben Bernanke but if Chinas growth was to slow, If US economic growth were to fall, as his preferred candidate for the this supply of cheap imports would Mr Benankes biggest problem could role of chairman of the US Federal fall, pushing up inflation. be the phenomenon of “stagflation” Reserve, when the current chair- Bernanke is currently chairman where interest rate policy is torn man – Alan Greenspan – retires in of the president’s council of eco- between low interest rates to stimu- February. nomic advisers, was previously a late a stagnant economy, and higher The role of the “Fed” chairman Proffessor of Economics at Princeton interest rates to control inflation- involves setting interest rates, which University. Like Mr Greenspan, Mr ary pressures. Whatever the global determine the cost of borrowing on Bernanke favours focusing efforts economy holds for Mr Bernanke in both a domestic level (e.g. mortgag- on controlling consumer price infla- the next few years, Mr Greenspan es) and at a corporate level. Interest tion, rather than assets bubbles has set a tough precedent that will rates are a key tool, allowing cen- – such as the dotcom boom, and be hard to follow. tral bankers to control economic potentially the current US house The price of gold has rallied this growth and consumer inflation. Alan price bubble. In recent years the year, over concerns that record oil Greenspan has held the post of Fed Fed has become more transparent prices will fuel inflation. Gold is used chairman since 1987, and his is seen – releasing minutes of its meetings by investors as a store of wealth to as somewhat of a legend on Wall and revealing its perferred inflation beat inflation. The yellow metal is Street for his ability to control the range of 1-2 per cent. tipped to reach $500 per troy oz in markets. Where Mr Greenspan and Mr 2006 and reached an 18 year high On the US current account deficit, Bernanke differ on policy, is whether of $480.25 per troy oz earlier this which has reached $800bn or 6per or not to commit to specific targets month. The bond market however cent of GDP, Mr Bernanke suggest- for managing inflation, such as the has shown no signs of worries over ed that US economic policy had a Eurozone and UK where inflation is inflation, as core and consumer limited role and that the deficit was targeted a less than 2 per cent. By inflation approach 2.5 and 3 per cent the result of too little investment offering specific targets Bernanke respectively. and too much saving on a global would offer the markets a greater At the time of going to press the scale – and that it would correct degree of transparentcy and reduce markets are aniticpating the fed to itself in due course. Others disagree the volatility that is associated with raise interest rates for the 12 suc- however, arguing than by raising the uncertainty of interest rate cessive time, bringing them to 4 interest rates more aggressively; movements. The downside of giving per cent Shine. Detica doesn't set limits on your future. Whether you're a proactive problem solver or a talented technologist, we offer you the scope you need to develop your skills and give you the chance to shine.

Be valued for who you are and who you want to become. Come and visit us at the Imperial Careers fair on Thursday 10th November at stand 31 in the Union Gym, to talk about how your career might look with Detica, and opportunities for summer vacation placements.

To learn more about Detica email your CV and covering letter or any questions you may have to [email protected]

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Presentation Imperial College: Lecture Room 201, Skempton Building Monday 14th November at 6.30 pm Software and Hardware Engineers Come and find out about our dynamic 3-year-old high-tech company where your individual contribution will be vital from day one. We are looking for outstanding final year students in Computer Science, Electronic Engineering, Maths or Physics to join our development team. Salary: £27,000 with £1,000 bursary for your final term To attend, please email [email protected] Check us out at: www.codian.com felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

arts [email protected] Art on your doorstep The Wildlife Photographer of the Year: and you don’t need to make an effort to see it

Photography They cover every aspect of the natu- ral world, the beautiful, the barbaric, Wildlife Photographer of the Year the weird, the tragic, the exotic and With the BBC Wildlife Magazine the domestic. Walking through this Natural History Museum exhibition is like experiencing every Until 23 April 2006 environment on earth. Tickets £6/£3.50 There are 3 special awards and “As the sun rose, the I hate to say it, but despite the aston- ishing artistic diversity that London air became filled with offers the student, every now and then I still do wish that I lived in the the song of birds and countryside. Call me idealistic, but for me the charm of waking up to the gibbons, but the very sound of the Heathrow flight path over my house pales in comparison first noise I heard was to the charm of waking up to the sound of birds singing outside my a distinct chainsaw.” window. If you too miss the coun- Thomas Endlein tryside, fresh air and the occasional chirp or squeak of wildlife, then this is the perfect exhibition for you. 15 categories, including the Young The Wildlife Photographer of the Wildlife Photographer of the Year, Year exhibition is the cream of wild- with winners chosen for both the life photography from around the aesthetic appeal of the photograph globe. It has been running for 40 and its ability to affect the viewer. years, and this year received nearly The exhibition contains all the win- 17,000 entries. This isn’t a collection ners plus runner up and highly com- of clichéd images of rabbits next to mended entries, and the standard is flowerpots. These are works of art. high throughout. Overall Winner: Sky Chase by Manuel Presti (Italy)

Each of the images absorbs the aim, “to move emotions and so lead viewer in their own way, but espe- people towards a greater sensitivity cially impressive were the entries to the natural world” is perfectly in the ‘Composition and Form’ cat- accomplished in this piece and, egory. My personal favourite was unlike many of the other pictures, Alessandro Bee’s Dusk Flight. is wholly spontaneous. The ripple The abstract motion of the bird is effect of the presence of the per- mesmerising, and his clever use of egrine falcon amongst the starlings speeds enables him to describe the has perfect symmetrical beauty: essence of the form and the flight their dynamics are hypnotic. Presti whilst avoiding the irrelevant details says of it, “I really felt the fear that would only detract from the and the need to survive of the star- effect. lings” and that’s exactly what comes Another eye-catching piece is across from the images. Thomas Endlein’s Rainforest Dawn. If you think all this arty stuff is far A beautifully shot serene piece; it is removed from Imperial life, then memorable for the heart-breaking take comfort in the fact that Manuel caption which accompanies: “As the Presti is an engineer and takes pho- sun rose, the air became filled with tos in his spare time. The competi- the song of birds and gibbons, but tion is open to amateurs and profes- the very first noise I heard was a sionals alike and if you’re inspired distinct chainsaw.” then the closing date for next year’s The overall winner, Manuel entries is 31 March 2006. Presti’s Sky Chase, is a powerful and beautiful work. It is a graphical The Wildlife Photographer of the piece, simple and peaceful yet ener- Year Competition is organised by the Great grey owl pounce by Jari Peltomäki (Finland) getic, and it alone is reason enough Natural History Museum and BBC to visit the exhibition. Presti’s stated Wildlife Magazine

Arts Felix needs you! Enjoy the Arts scene in London but fed up with the extortionate prices? We have lots of invitations to gallery events, theatre press nights and general arts events around London, but not enough people to go! So if you fancy getting in for free and seeing your name in print, email us at:

[email protected] felix Thursday 3rd November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

film [email protected] LoveCatch romantic comedies? In Her Read on toShoes find out how youfor can get free!! free tickets... tay or sway, don’t come a bad romantic comedy, it’s a lead- there are some movies that overdo and go like you do… ing man with less than one facial it and end up as a comedy instead of I remember the first expression. a romantic comedy. Must love dogs romantic comedy I ever What makes Love Actually bet- was one of them. laid eyes upon. It was ter than the infamous ones listed This time around, Twentieth- WhileS you were sleeping, starring above? Firstly, it’s filmed in London Century Fox is at it again with the the funny girl-next-door Sandra and that might appeal to the minor- new romantic comedy In Her Shoes. Bullock and the sensitive Mr. Nice ity of us who love the dreary grey- Starring Cameron Diaz, this movie guy, Bill Pullman. It’s one of my skied mornings. I mean, Bridget is entertainment-guaranteed. In line favourites, despite the fact that it Jones’ Diary was a real success with its release on 11 November, is just a story of a girl who meets a too! Secondly, it has an engaging thanks to Twentieth-Century Fox, boy, girl likes boy, girl screws it up script and it makes the audience Felix is giving one lucky reader four but love (as usual) proves itself to be care about the people in the story. tickets to watch In Her Shoes and a invincible and they live happily ever I mean, if the romantic comedy bloody fantastic goodie bag (includ- after. How original - right? doesn’t make you cry when they ing In Her Shoes bag and beanies)! Romantic comedies are a funny break up and smile when they get Like it? If you do, just write to me sort of thing, don’t you think? together again, what’s the point at [email protected] and tell me They’re predictable and it’s dif- behind it? the author of the book which In Her ficult to tell one from the other. And then there are the minuscule Shoes was based upon. Nevertheless, if the lines at the cin- gags that give the story its cute Anyway, that’s my take on roman- ema for Elizabethtown are any indi- and quirky edge. There is Sandra tic comedies. I believe guys hate cation, romantic comedies is still Bullock telling her in-laws the them (but I’ve been proven wrong the talk-of-the-town. Perhaps it’s the story of her one-testicled fiancé in on many occasions) and girls love feel-good factor, or it might just be While You Were Sleeping and then them. Nevertheless, it’s not going the amazingly cute lead actor. There there was Kate Hudson with her to die out soon and who cares, it’s are numerous reasons why roman- Photoshop-assembled album of her a good way to unwind on a rainy tic comedies still dominate the DVD future children in How to get rid of Saturday evening. Now, it’s my time rentals charts. However, in this sea a guy in 10 days. These gags help to go. Ciao! of infinite choices, how do we tell the us to see the human-aspect of the Yuen Ai Lee bad from the good? characters and endear them to us. Film Editor Let’s start off by listing the real- It might seem easy but then again, “...There is Sandra Bullock telling her in-laws the story of her one-testicled fiancé in While You Were Sleeping and then there was Kate Hudson with her Photoshop-assem- Can ‘In Her Shoes’ live up to ‘There’s something about Mary?’... bled album of her future children in Classic Romantic Comedies How to get rid of a 1. Before Sunrise guy in 10 days...” Starring Ethan Hawke, in his much better days (before he started sporting the oh-so-ugly heroine addict look), this movie is both ly bad romantic comedies. The romantic, sexy and realistic. It’s been a while since the movie was first that comes to mind must be released, but they still have it on DVD. Intolerable Cruelty. Surprised? How can anyone mess up a combination 2. Bridget Jones’s Diary of George Clooney and Catherine Alright, I admit I hate her stupid-desperado lifestyle but you have to Zeta Jones? Apparently, they can give the movie credit for the really cute Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. and they did. I don’t know if it’s Plus, it’s really funny and it’s a classic watch-or-die movie. Zorro’s leading lady’s complete lack of emotion or the horribly un-engag- 3. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days ing script, but basically, at the end of Seriously, the title is such a joke, but it’s one of Kate Hudson’s best - at it, Intolerable Cruelty simply did not least before she ventured into L’Affaire (tres horrible!). It starrs the make it to my must-buy-DVDs list. oh-so-cute Matthew McCoughney and that by itself is reason And let’s not forget Sweet enough to watch the silly film! November! Having starred together in the thriller The Devil’s Advocate, 4. My Big Fat Greek Wedding I was appalled by the complete lack Perhaps people might consider this more of a family movie than a of chemistry between Keanu Reeves girly romantic comedy. However, it’s still a feel-good film and who and Charlize Theron. It’s a pitiful wouldn’t love the whole ugly-duckling and swan idea! story of a boy who meets a girl, falls for girl but girl meets an unfair and 5. Boys & Girls early demise. Boohoo - but the script Seriously, I am such a teen flick addict! But this is one of the best... itself is the real sob story. Keanu Starring the likes of Freddie Prinze Jr. (who is Adonis in my book) Reeves is just not a man for roman- it’s funny and it’s sweet. And it’s actually based on students in tic comedies (A walk in the clouds college, so how close to home can you get?! should have been a good indication) and if there’s one thing that makes 9th & 10th of November 2005 11am – 4pm

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felix add2.indd 1 1/11/05 11:45:25 felix Thursday 3 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 11

politics [email protected] A week is a long time NewA plansfair for immigration deal reveal for some asylum? unfair changes to the system Analysis without offical immigration status in politics for whatever reason; whether their Matthew Hartfield status has expired or they haven’t After weeks of voting, the been given permission to work. Alex Politics Editor Conservative leader race has boiled Gask, a legal officer for the civil down to David Davis and David rights group Liberty, expressed Cameron, with Davis already pan- n recent years the issue of his concerns that this would worry ning massive tax cuts for families. asylum and immigration has prospective employers and lead to The vote will now go to all regis- become something of a hot discrimination in an effort to keep tered members of the Conservative potato in politics; a topic which party, with a final result expected on is constantly brought up and December 6th. arguedI about, especially in the light “One of the more of the war on terror and the more A US Senate commitee have reit- recent terrorist attacks on London. unsettling adment- erated claims that Respect MP As has been regularly reported, George Galloway (below) benefited the Labour government have intro- ments enables immi- financially from the UN’s “Oil-for- duced a raft of measures to try food” programme after a report was and tighten immigration into the gration officers to get released containing new evidence. UK and to reduce the number of Mr. Galloway has denied any wrong- asylum seekers entering the coun- biometric information doing claiming, “This is all a tissue try; measures spurred on by various of lies and a lie doesn’t become a right wing newspapers. However, at from passengers” truth through repetition”. a recent House of Commons meet- ing discussing the Government’s within the law; although in this new Immigration, Asylum and same bill the Government stated Nationality Bill 2005, a number of they will issue guidelines to prevent Home Secretary Charles Clarke has claimed the new measures are the recent and new plans were dis- such discrimination when employ- compatible with human rights legislation cussed, some of which do raise a ing people. few alarms. The new asylum proposals will One of the more unsettling Government are getting ready to One of the main points that was also have an effect on students who admentments to the original 1971 roll out their identity card scheme raised was a new section that was wish to study in the UK. The new act though is the provision to ena- before it’s even cleared. Considering introduced in the Treatment of immigration bill will abolish the right the current kerfuffle over its current Claimants Bill of last year, in which for students to appeal if their visa is cost (the LSE produced a report the government were given powers rejected. Since it was announced “Powers were given stating that each ID card will cost to stop the benefits of failed asy- at the meeting that around a third £300 each to create) and the poten- lum seekers, and there were even of students who study in this coun- to stop their benefits tial to create an Orwellian state reports of threatening to remove try are from overseas (mainly in (hysterically, it has been announced the children from their families, in areas such as science, engineering and there were even that the planned ID cards are a The United Kingdon is gearing up order to encourage their departure. and technology), this measure has bit like your supermarket reward for a general smoking ban to be in Tim Finch, a speaker for the refu- the potential to affect a significant reports of threatening cards, except that they’ll be able to place for 2007, with Health Secretary gee council present at the meeting, fraction of the student population. have information on which coun- Patricia Hewitt outlining a ban in all described these measures as, “cruel Diana Warwick, the chief executive to remove their chil- tries you’ve been to, where you’ve public places in the governments and ineffective” and criticized the of Universities UK, discussed the had a health check up and what your new health bill. All workplaces will Government for their feeling that, point that students who have their dren” current criminal record is, as well as be covered by the ban, but pubs “asylum has to be legislated non- visas rejected for trivial reasons that your cat prefers Whiskers) this which do not serve food and private stop”. (such as doubts over passing their seems an almost underhand method members clubs will be exempt from The Immigration, Asylum and course) will find themselves strand- ble immigration officers to require to get the ID plan started. the ban. Scotland, Northen Ireland Nationality Bill will also outline new ed, and cited the case of Sheffield passengers on travel transport to and Wales will introduce tougher guidelines on employment of asy- University, where nine out of ten provide biometric information, such bans which will not include these lum seekers, introducing new pen- refusals are overturned before the as fingerprints and eye readings. exemptions. alties for those who employ those official appeal process. This seems to suggest that the

The stagnant Cameron bandwagon “A recent Guardian Politics Opinion Do experience and actual policies Iain Duncan-Smith or even Michael poll shows that Cam- not count for anything? Howard, who was given a free run. In The Tories are desperate for power; my opinion though his One Nation, Ammar Waraich eron has a 15 point Felix desperate enough to try anything; pro European take on Conservatism desperate enough infact to favour would have been healthy for the lead over Gordon a main man who is being openly political world, stirring it enough to hen someone says, described by the media (and who take it in a fresh and constructive Brown for being Have you got an “I’m looking forward can blame them) as nothing more direction. He was also the only man to taking my message than Tony Blair in a blue disguise. who had the popularity and experi- favoured as Prime opinion? right round the coun- If Cameron’s message is merely an ence needed to modernise his party try”, it is natural to ambiguous Blair imitation, forgive credibly and effectively. The Tories, Minister” If you fancy assumeW that the message must be me for not getting excited. however, in their desperation blew loud and clear, isn’t it? Why is it then Admittedly though, putting the their chances. seeing your name that when David Cameron utters wooden David Davis (or even Liam What does that leave the country to rejoice over; unless he can really these words, people buy it? Fox) as head would only have suc- with? It leaves us with a stagnant take hold of his party and steer it in print, email us There really seems to be no clear cessfully elected the loser of the political scene with options that will in a totally new direction, where cut message to take around, apart next general election. The only result in conditions not much dif- initiatives like the so-called “Big at: from a fresh faced smile, some real option that the Conservatives ferent to what we have witnessed Conversation” or “Tough on Crime” sharp suited charisma and random had was Ken Clarke, a heavyweight for the past decade. There is a rea- actually equate to something. Even banter about hopes and dreams. A political beast, and the only one who son why voters are more apathetic if Cameron is someone who can recent Guardian/ICM poll showed could challenge New Labour. Some than ever before! Gordon Brown instigate this change, then all the politics.felix that he even has a 15 point lead over suggested that it was slightly too late may now be by far our best shot at hype and expectation will be justi- Gordon Brown for being favoured as for him and that he would have been the next elections but in all hon- fied. However, chances of this hap- @ic.ac.uk Prime Minister by floating voters. the ideal choice instead of Hague, esty even that prospect is not one pening are slim. felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

[email protected] musicSmack my... well, you know what It’s high time for a Prodigy retrospective, and it arrives as a singles collection, reminding us how fear-inducing they used to be Studio B over and out. ALBUM REVIEWS So far so good – what about the obligatory trip back in time? Liam The Prodigy can’t neglect us the way his hairy Their Law: The Singles 1990-2005 Mancunian brother-in law can – he’s (XL Recordings) got talent for chrissakes! (His taste, HHHHI on the other hand, upon picking the trashier Appleton sister is more Fifteen years and countless raves questionable.) later, Britain’s best-known munters Well. It’s here, in fully glow-sticked return to the nation’s conscience glory. Tripping on acid and ecstasy with Their Law, a singles collec- is the only way one can convince tion to showcase their best-loved themselves that the likes of Charly, moments. Jericho and No Good are decent Liam and the boys don’t waste any tracks in any way, shape or form. time in kicking things off. They’re They’re techno-dirge in its worst, unafraid to make their presence ear-splitting form. Spitfire and One felt, using the full throttle sonic Love are equally turgid. Voodoo assault more commonly known as People fares slightly better, since Firestarter to do so. This track is it’s got a grimy yet seductive side mind-blowing from the first to the fif- to it, much in the way the orientally- teenth listen. It’s contemporary; the inspired Hot Rice ends up closing pugilistic Breathe is equally infec- the show. tious and danceable, as is Smack That’s the way I’d like to see it. My Bitch Up with its rhythmic turns Closed, over and out - a memora- and menacing vocals driving the ble listen that’s not quite my cup track with aplomb. So far so good of tea; I’d stick to Fat Of The Land – where’s my variety meal? and Always Outnumbered, Never Cue The Law and Out Of Space, Outgunned if experimentalism and two disparate and diverse tracks techno-wizardry floats your boat. showcasing the spirit of the Prodigy. Age before beauty can be a wonder- Experimentalism. Where else can ful thing; I’m so glad XL Records you find an Arabic-inspired tribal are aware that experience breeds beat in the midst of robotic noi- masterpieces. secore and guitar licks on the same Sajini Wijetilleka The Prodigy - the original munters, apparently. track? Out Of Space is especially likeable, with its laidback reggae of you who have been associated If there is one thing about the are again doubled up, and the cho- tune and ska-shuffle beats. One for El Presidente with the AMS in any shape or form songs on this album, that is their rus is wonderfully simple “aaaa- the dippier moments with the Xbox, El Presidente will know, is where the president’s catchiness and familiarity. Each one aaa-aaa-aa-aa-aaaa-aaa-aa-aa I’m I tell you. (BMG) t-shirt comes from, so we’d expect was easily recognised after only one gonna block it, fly like a rocket”. Other tracks of note include HHHHI him to be a fan also... maybe (I’m hearing five months prior. I guar- Marvellous! Poison, which sees the band on a not so sure – ed.). Since becoming antee that the majority of readers Old Times also has an addictive ragga tip, grizzly vocals and orches- Oh yes, oh yes. It’s finally here! aware of their (increasing) presence will know at least one of their songs chorus with plenty of la-la-las, and is tral backing intact, before Aphex The quintet from Glasgow that is at the start of this year, my interest without being aware of it. How to slightly cleaner than the other songs Twin gets paraphrasing in its vor- El Presidente are releasing their has grown and became cemented describe their sound? It’s difficult. (except again, the bassline). tex sound. Girls is equally potent, self-titled debut album. I must say when I had the surprise pleasure of As you go through the album, you’ll For me, however, now, the real kill- with 80’s inspired electropop replete that I have been anticipating this seeing them play live; I can testify encounter pop, rock, funk and disco er on the album is Keep On Walking. with synths and vocoders knocking for some time now, and as those that they sounded unstoppable. in all kinds of glorious combina- It starts with one of those eerie tions. synthetic chords straight out of a It opens thunderously with not Technicolor movie, before instantly less than four of El Pres’s sin- giving way to an incredibly crisp gles, the first of which is Without sounding distorted guitar. The pro- You, a song very reminiscent of gression of the song is very obvious; Catatonia’s better known stuff, but it is the most rock-like sounding of with cheesier vocals and stronger the lot I reckon, but again the sing- bassline. This is a general feature ing comes through and makes it that of the album; the bassline pounds little bit different. relentlessly throughout, and is any- All in all I’ve ended up getting the thing but monotone, while the vocals impression that the singer has the are doubled up on most of the songs ability to contort his voice to suit any and sing some of the cheesiest stuff style he’d like to do, when it doesn’t you will hear this year. It is all so come naturally to him. well put together though, that you What can I say to sum up? The won’t be ashamed to listen or even songs here demand attention; don’t sing along to them; despite the most try doing any intellectual activ- unlikely combinations of elements, ity while listening to these (not that everything works! most us do any of that anyway). On The real treats on the album only the other hand, if you have any tidy- include one of the opening singles: ing/cleaning to do around all your Rocket, as well as being hilariously disgracefully messy domiciles, just titled (I have always found some- stick this on and time will fly. You thing funny about guys and their love just can’t sit still while this stuff is of rockets ever since that Simpsons on! episode where Homer ‘rides’ one at It’s out this Monday guys and girls, the US Air Force base) has a tune and far be it from me to say that this that I can’t quite guarantee I’ve put album is a must-have, but it will put my finger on, but you know goddam- a big smile on your face for at least nit, it reminds me of the soundtrack the rest of the week. El Presidente - man, this line-up looks like the front of a Next catalogue. to earlier Tekken games. The vocals Slobodan Radosavljevic felix www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005 13

MUSIC [email protected] Hooligan hip hop Audio Bullys bring the noize, and Morning Runner prove they can live up to their comparisons Space and a mash up of Generation LIVE REVIEWS with Grandmaster Flash’s classic White Lines. He finally ended the set with version of Shot You Down Audio Bullys that sounded as if Simon had con- University of London Union HHHHI tracted the largest stutter know to mankind. True to form the Bullys created I’ve had enough American music killer hooks and riffs that kept me shoved down my throat that if I scaring people on the tube all week. hear another 25 year old mother’s However, their heavy use of glis- boy ‘punk rocker’ crying about how sando (build ups) became expected he used to be bullied at school I and by the end was no longer spe- might seriously consider moving to cial. The clever use of silent inter- Iceland, where I can enjoy Björk ruptions built a tower of climax so all on my own with a couple of grand I swear I had an orgasm. fish. Sadly the lumbering chains of Sick of American gunk? Well, the oppression (or student loans if you Audio Bullys are back and ready to want to get all ‘technical’) keep me get down, right dirty and British. walking in this green and pleasant Drop your steak and kidney pie and land. So I’m gonna have to stick with have a listen or watch, if you’re feel- the Audio Bullys, who are so English ing flush. they make Pete Doherty look like an George X American tourist trying to come to grips with the Underground. So what better why to start off an Morning Runner Audio Bully’s concert than to stand King’s College Union in the rain? This is not recommend- HHHHI ed if you are currently trying to recover from Fresher’s Flu, which you caught during a necking session I found myself last night in a with one of those weird and particu- packed-out King’s College Union larly ugly engineers during a hazy waiting for one of the most hyped Death Cab For Cutie - I adore this band, but that new single is utter tripe. evening down the Union. So special bands since The Kaiser Chiefs. guest and first on the decks, John Having only heard one or two winner, with the whole crowd sway- only they’ve managed to subdue it Vick, had a tough job for himself. His Morning Runner songs, like many ing along. Again with a light show SINGLE REVIEWS until it sounds like a suicidal play- mix was somewhat minimalist and others I was waiting to be impressed that really set the mood, King’s boy’s last attempt to convince peo- hard-hitting but got people moving - with the rumors circulating about seemed to turn into a perfect blue Mendeed ple he’s enjoying the party. Stricken early on. His continual use of inter- the band and their huge supporting ocean. They kept the crowd happy Beneath A Burning Sky is dull and pointless, recycling the ruptions of the perpetuum mobile roles for Coldplay and Athlete, how by retaining the chilled mood with (Rising) tired old conventions of its tired old was arousing but a good use of vari- could you not be? the first song they wrote together, in HHHHI genre with complete complacency; ation on beat and melody made for After a good warm-up by support- a scout hut nonetheless. the shouted, mock-profound lyrics, the right effect. ing acts The Holloways and The Pleasing a crowd is clearly a There are some things you just world-weary dirty guitars and self- Now for the juicy bit. Simon Franks Race, the crowd were ready for a breeze for Morning Runner as they shouldn’t listen to when you’ve righteous bile have all been done quickly forged an electric connec- great show and surged towards the move into flawless renditions of got a headache: pneumatic drills, before, and no one wants to listen tion with the audience with a once- stage as Morning Runner came on their singles, Be All You Want To Be Decapitated, Celine Dion. Now, I’m to it. The only really positive thing I over of the summer smash ‘Shot You to a round of applause so huge it and Gone Up In Flames, with huge not saying that Mendeed inflict that can say about this is that I’d rather Down’ and set off into a trip through probably burst a few ear drums. cheers from the entire crowd. These kind of pain, but they do their best: listen to Stricken than to anything their new album ‘Generation’ with They then spent their opening ten being practically the only released and, throbbing temples aside, it’s a by, say, Good Charlotte. Don’t even an extremely dynamic take on every minutes whipping the crowd into a Morning Runner songs around, they good thing. get me started on Good Charlotte. track provided by the mysterious frenzy with three songs so pleasing induced big sing-alongs and the Taken from their forthcoming Anna Novitzky new programmer due to the absence everyone was soon dancing along, whole crowd seemed to be chanting second album, Beneath A Burning of Tom Dinsdale. including one girl in the front row lyrics back at Matthew Greener. Sky combines high-speed thrash Simon’s lyrics punched home the who seemed to be having some kind Morning Runner clearly have guitars and manic drumming with Death Cab For Cutie most English aspects of life; getting of fit. The frenzied fast paced music learned a great deal on their sup- piercing death-metal growling and Soul Meets Body stoned, taking pills and nicking shit, fitted perfectly with the almost sei- porting tours, pulling off this show the occasional widdling guitar solo (Atlantic) during All Sing Along. Combined zure inducing light show that really with effortless ease. They know that wouldn’t look out of place on a HHIII with his speaking-not-singing style, got everyone into the gig. exactly what to play, keeping the Metallica album. On the evidence of this makes for a real contrast. With The decision to slow things down crowd entertained and show that this single, they have stepped away Apparently, I’m supposed to have such a wide range of voices, surely for a few songs was well received they would be at home playing any from the more classical elements heard of Death Cab For Cutie (yes, he could use more than one in a as they played their first song ever venue, large or small. Their upcom- of their first album into a harder yes you should! - ed.). After five song? released on Faith And Hope, enti- ing album will certainly be one to style less tailored to the cross-over albums, that’s probably not a tall The set also provided a few gems tled Oceans. The song is slow and watch out for. crowd, which will raise their pro- order, but I have to confess that I in the form of The Prodigy’s Out Of almost entirely vocal - a definite Tom Whitson file no end among the elitist, trOO haven’t. So I apologise if I get them metal set. Inventive, tight and hun- wrong, or ‘misunderstand’ them gry, Mendeed have the potential to – they strike me as the kind of band go far. Now, where did I put that whose fans make that kind of accu- ibuprofen? sation. Here goes. Anna Novitzky Soul Meets Body is taken from DCFC’s first major-label album, Plans. It’s a tuneful ballad with a Disturbed simple melody, cheerful in a gentle Stricken sort of way and completely unre- (WEA) markable. HIIII The vocalist sounds as if his voice hasn’t broken yet, the lyrics sound Nu-metal is dead. As dead as Dave as if they would probably sound very Williams of Drowning Pool, or Wes deep if you were half-asleep and it’s Borland’s participation in Limp bland to the point of nausea, but Bizkit. If only it would stop walking it’s faintly catchy in a Simon and around and trying pathetically to Garfunkel sort of way. I can tell the terrify us, like a zombie puppy, we refrain will be stuck in my head for could all rest easily. Sadly, Disturbed hours, but I’m not sure whether I’m don’t seem to understand this. happy about that. I really can’t tell You’ve probably heard Disturbed’s whether I like this or not; it’s really most famous single, Down With that lacklustre. The Sickness. This is that, but less I’m sure it will be an enormous enjoyably stompy. It’s even got that hit. Morning Runner - the new Coldplay. Or is it the new Arcade Fire? I forget. Damn you, NME! irritating “wa-a-a-a” thing they do, Anna Novitzky felix 14 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

[email protected] mediaA still view of our dynamic world There's more to Media Group than radio, television and newspapers. This week Peter Huth- waite tells us more about Photosoc, Imperial's photographic society.

Few things, to me, can capture emo- tion better than photography. A thin wisp of cigarette smoke backlit by the sun against a black industrial background; a child’s face, captured in a moment of pure careless joy – perhaps a reflection on the innocent happiness left behind as we move into adulthood; a barkless tree, exposed by wind, rain, sea spray and sand, side lit by a late afternoon sun against a dark sky. Black and white, colour, digit- al, medium format, even camera phones nowadays, each one has an opportunity to capture these photos. What becomes important, whatever the method used, is the photo itself. Wednesday afternoon was a mix- ture of sun, blue sky and cloud. Photosoc’s trip along the Thames provided a great chance to capture Thames River by Raymond Ng Borough Market by Herwig Peters some dramatic images, perhaps combining picture-postcard shots of following Saturday, on to Borough Gallery link. ple with the same interests. We’ll be organising a Photoshop les- the famous landmarks with more Market to experience a completely Photosoc runs regular trips like To find out more, visit our web- son on 12th November, so do look at individual, unique elements and different flavour of photography. these throughout the year - both to site: www.union.ic.ac.uk/photosoc or our website for more details. compositions. The weather couldn’t You can see just a couple of the take photos and visit exhibitions, as come to one of our meetings (12-1pm have been any better for high con- results above and more can be well as running lessons and provid- on Thursdays in the Media Common trast, dramatic photography. The found on our website - click on the ing a great place to meet other peo- Room, West Basement, Beit Quad). On the Red Carpet Matt Cunningham tells us what happened when Media Group went to the National Television Awards. Last week saw one of the biggest got to interview the cast of The Bill Whilst Doctor Who was the big television events of the calendar – for the third year running (they winner inside the Hall, stoic tv’s drop into the neighbourhood. The must be desperate for publicity!). crew seemed to be winners on National Television Awards landed Meanwhile Greg and Francesca, the carpet, with Greg getting his in the Royal Albert Hall and both from stoic tv’s brand new light enter- bum pinched by Vernon Kay and stoic tv and IC Radio were there to tainment show Foot and Mouth, got one of his crew getting a kiss from cover the star-studded event. to interview a wide range of stars EastEnders’ Nigel Harman. stoic tv had several crews posi- including Chris Tarrant, Sir Trevor A crack team from stoic tv also got tioned along the red carpet to cap- McDonald and in a national first, the to go inside the Royal Albert Hall ture all of those drunken moments only interview in existence of Ant as part of the event’s wild audience. the celebs would rather forget. Dave, without Dec! They even got a sneak Here they saw awards presented by formerly of The Matt & Dave Show, peak inside Billie Piper’s limo. couples as varied as Peter Andre with Jordan and Tory leadership hopefuls David Cameron and David Davies – only one of these pairs was EastEnders’ Barbara Windsor clutching the soap’s award booed by the audience, I leave you to guess which! From here they were able to pass out all the winner’s names to the red carpet teams to avoid any embarrassing questions being asked. IC Radio also graced the red car- pet with the presence of the unstop- pable (and god knows we’ve tried) Martin Archer from the station’s lunchtime show Liquid Lunch. Martin got interviews with stars from all the most popular soaps, plus X Factor gossip from judge Louis Walsh. The interviews from the National Television Awards can be seen on stoic tv’s Foot and Mouth very soon - check the website at stoictv.com for details. And you can hear Martin every weekday at midday by logging onto the Liquid Lunch website at icradio.com/shows/liquidlunch.

Jamie Oliver received two awards for his School Dinners series Photos by Louisa Evans Even host Sir Trevor McDonald could not escape our reporters felix Thursday 3rd November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 15

fashion [email protected] Vouchers, designing and parties All you’ll possibly need when you’re poor, have a party to go to and your skin’s a drag (priced from £27.00 with student Spotted discount). The dresses come in a variety of patterns and materials, from silk sixties flowers to cotton paisley prints with sequins. The dresses are surprisingly good value considering that it’s a whole outfit and once they’re on, all you need An eye on Fashion is some great party make-up and a Dolly Delaney good pair of stilettos. Fashion editor This week’s article is on party fash- “ . . . t h i n k ion. With Bonfire Night and several Christmas parties coming up, I think M c Q u e e n it’s essential to have a standard party wardrobe that you can throw meets Brandon on but still look fabulous. Last week A young medic who appears to be I went to a friend’s 21st birthday at Flowers” colourblind! their house. The party contained a surprising amount of fashionably As for the daring and uber fashion- doesn’t have anything to do with dressed girls and boys (finally peo- able guy, think Alexander McQueen Imperial sports clubs), and pair with ple have been taking heed of my meets Brandon Flowers; lots of eye- some low slung jeans. pearls of wisdom), which impressed liner, suits and indie chic. But alas, On Sunday there’s a great market me greatly. However, there were I fear many of you are quiet IC in Brick Lane (nearest tube Aldgate some who had clearly worn their boys who like nothing more than a East or Mile End). On the 4, 11 and clothes for a week. good physics equation, so for mini- 18 December you can get upto 20% So, for girls to look great instantly mal effort and maximal effect: wash off if you give in the voucher oppo- I’ve found some great dresses at yourselves, comb that mop of curls site or presend a valid student ID. Topshop, from the Minkie range and throw on a clean t-shirt (which Happy Shopping!

Beauty What’s going on in Last week, while in Natwest, Dolly’s World? the bank assistant commented on what lovely skin I had. This Today: Saving the World at brightened my otherwise dull day 12:45-13:30 in Seminar Room 3 and I feel it’s not time to spill the secrets of good skin. I swear Friday: Facial and massage. by drinking hot water and lemon before bed. Not only does this Saturday: Portobello and keep your skin crystal clear, but Camden Markets it also helps me sleep well at night (alas, many morning lec- Sunday: Sunday Up Market tures have been missed due to on Brick Lane. Retro Chic this concoction!) items for less! If you wake up after a week long bender and your skin is caked Monday: Popcorn at Heaven, in make-up and feels dry and with fashionable men by the unloved, try Lush’s Brazen Honey hundreds. face mask. It stings a little, but after the treatment your skin feels Tuesday: Write more inspiri- gloriously soft and kissable! ing words to the masses, and Alternatively, if you have a least a go shopping after a hard week between one party and the day’s work. next, then try: Wednesday : Looking at all Dolly’s 5-day Detox the fitties in the IC Sports Days 1 and 2: Drink the required 8 teams. glasses of water and moisturise in The utterly brilliant Trinny the morning and evening. and Tranny’s “What Not To Day 3: Your skin should have ade- Wear” quate protection now, so use the Brazen Honey face mask in the Thursday - Dolly’s article! evening and throughly moisturise after use. Day 4: Pluck eyerbrows, wax legs (and other parts if required!). Use Don’t worry if you missed the first 2 classes in ICU’s Fashion Design Class, as there are still plenty more to go: Lush’s Dream Cream (£7.95) for Think you’re Classes 4/5: Beauty Class: Here you can learn some trendy ways to apply your make-up, and new styles! an all-over glow. fabulous? Day 5: Plan outfit, drink more Do you think you’re more fash- Classes 5/6: Styling Class; now it’s time to use old skills you’ve learned. You can be either a model or a stylist. water, get out those heels - and ionable than me? Send me a remember to swing those hips! picture with your name and Class 7 - Using deconstructive methods to make new outfits from old garments. All clothes made are to be department. If I agree, you used in Fashion Show! could be in the next issue of Felix! December 2005: FASHION SHOW in collaboration with OSC. You can be either a model or a stylist. [email protected] email : [email protected] felix 16 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005 Another day, another life. . .

t could be so different’; wise words there anyway. Did you ever meet a Russian oligarch in The whole bus turned to look at him, utterly from the prophets of the Lost. Not the Hammersmith? I rest my case. flabbergasted that his desperation had not paid Lost filmed in Hawaii with the delicious I should really rest my head too, since off. He should take heed of our film columnist’s ‘IMatthew Fox, mind you. I quote their receiving, “I like your shape” as a chat-up line advice – matters of the pants are to be dealt with lesser relatives from the land of the dead, more from a fifty-year old Snoop Dogg analogy is the delicacy and tact. At least the geriatric lecturer commonly known as the Welsh valleys, where last thing you want when you’re just about to buy had the good sense to ask me to play tennis with shops don’t open on Saturdays since their takings your Kotex for the month. Looking after sickly him first! Sugar daddies are an avenue I’m yet to are too minimal to support the wage bills of the babies at Northwick Park had put paid to the exploit since pure vanity prevents me from doing Helens that work there. pink sword of my tongue, so a haughty glare was so. What self-respecting third year wants to take In the pre-internet days I’d have felt for my given, and off I went, running straight into sleaze the Rector’s assistant’s leftovers? Or that of the Welsh counterparts. Thankfully Ebay, Net-a- number two on the 72 bus. Balding, overweight security guard in the library for that matter? A porter and Topshop Online do a sterling job and and distinctly prawn-like in shape and size, good friend of mine ended up at the Ivy with her Howells’ is open on weekends, so fellow Dior this South African sweaty made me wretch. He newly-retired GP tutor and his wife. Who knows Addicts need not feel the pinch. A good job too, grinned at me in hope before opening with, “Do where that ménage-a-trois will take her, since since an epidemic of sleazy security guards and we know each other?”. I replied in the negative he declared he’d do, “anything for such a sweet construction workers happened to befall my and turned to edge away from him. He put a face”? A fertile imagination knows no bounds, Stormy Woods path this week – meaning that shopping outside hand on my shoulder and came perilously close and as responsible scientists, we are duty bound Zone One in our fair city, is a no-go area for me. to my ear, before I leaped off at the next stop to to develop and exercise our thinking muscles It’s a crime against the fashion police to do so the hollered strains of, “Fancy a fuck?”. every now and again. Things can be worse than missing Neighbours A response to Iain Heaton’s “I should write for the Daily Mail” in Felix 1332

oreigners should be sent back to human right common to all people. As with Glibly repeating that old calling card of their own countries for their own every other nation, we have an international hysterical journalism; that Britain is somehow governments to deal with them as responsibility to welcome asylum seekers, not to ‘at bursting point’, unable to accept anymore ‘Fthey fit’ urged Iain Heaton on these greet them with Heaton’s contempt. The choice asylum seekers; Heaton demonstrated a pages last week as he took a break from his they had to make was between staying in their remarkably loose grip on the facts. In Britain characteristic whinge that he had not been own country, facing persecution and possibly we take fewer asylum seekers per head of able to watch Neighbours since graduating. His even death, or leaving everything they had to population than our European neighbours; and column started innocently and inanely enough seek asylum. although we cannot hope to welcome unlimited before taking an inexplicable right turn into a full Disturbingly, Heaton swapped loosely between numbers, the reality is that we are not being on collision with the rights of asylum seekers. writing about asylum seekers, immigrants and swamped or inundated. In truth it is developing Heaton highlighted the case of two Albanians foreigners as if the terms were interchangeable. countries, close to the world’s flashpoints, which Alex guite and a Lithuanian convicted of trafficking The reality is that they refer to very different host the greatest share of asylum seekers; 8 Eastern European girls into Britain and forcing things. There is a huge difference between million alone in Africa with uncounted numbers them to work as prostitutes. Expressing more the political activist seeking asylum from internally displaced. outrage that previously two of the men had been persecution and someone seeking to immigrate Asylum seekers do not come to Britain out granted asylum from persecution than at the for economic reasons. Whether Heaton would of choice, indeed many desperately want to be crime itself, he went on to outline his solution to deport ‘foreign’ tourists he didn’t make clear. repatriated to their country as soon as it is safe crime in Britain: deport all asylum seekers who When Heaton argued that asylum seekers to do so. South Africans and Chileans who fled to have committed a crime. should be sent back to their own governments Britain during the 1970s left to return home as Never mind that only a tiny fraction of crime is to be dealt with as they see fit he conveniently soon as they were able. committed by asylum seekers, a fact that even glossed over any consequences. In countries For Heaton a bad day might be missing Heaton grudgingly admitted later in his column, from which asylum has been granted, being Neighbours, but Iain, out there around the world his remedy is dangerous and prejudiced. dealt with as the ‘government sees fit’ means things can be a lot worse than not getting your The right to asylum from torture, unjust being sent back to torture, persecution, daily fix of the classic Australian soap. imprisonment and execution is an inalienable unexplained disappearances and death. Muslims don’t bite ront page coverage can never be bad. the face of the earth to voice their legitimate ing and attendance at conferences of any Muslim At least now everyone has heard about concerns is met with hostility. Prejudices have organization – almost by definition making it the ‘Stop Islamophobia’ campaign at surfaced yet again, amounting to a smear cam- mainstream. How can we debate on banning FImperial. Of course, what started off as paign, even though many organisations agree parties when all we know about them is lies? a good deed has turned into accusations of foul with the points on the petition. Lord Steyn, a Surprisingly the National Executive Committee play. What amazes me is that after talking to so former Law Lord, ruled a three month detention of the NUS is also opposed to the ban on these many people at Freshers’ Fayre, wearing such a as unlawful, while Law Lord Lloyd of Berwick “near fascist” organisations, citing that dialogue goofy shirt and getting so many signatures that called the offence of glorifying terrorism “a very is better than state repression. Anything less is nobody had the kind decency to ask me what I odd provision”. But of course, it doesn’t even hysteria, bad journalism and itself bigoted when thought. It is not like I’ve had limited exposure matter if there were two million Law Lords one does not even want to talk to those on the while writing weekly columns for the Felix or against this Bill, for the government wants to opposite side due to previous prejudices. running for Union Council too. It seems that it silence any possible criticism at home of their The right wing Professor Glees of Brunel Omar Hashmi is not just The Sunday Times that stoops to the formerly ‘ethical’ foreign policy. The Iraq war would have my kind under constant surveillance. lowest levels of sensationalist journalism, with though based on the dodgy dossier; though His schoolboy research has gained widespread no regard for consequences for those actually opposed by swathes of Iraqis; though a new acclaim as incompetence incarnate. In the trying to change circumstances for the better. constitution was ratified under occupation; is a words of NUS National President Kat Fletcher The notion of turning a petition against anti- matter of pride for the Government and British it is, “inflaming a climate of racism, fear and terror legislation, against curtailing legitimate Military heads. Yet it is dubiously unpatriotic of hostility” yet it’s backed by no evidence, except political expression (especially against foreign me to question the higher order, to even ques- that some individuals involved in previous terror policy) and against the atmosphere of fear tion the nature of the War on Terror or even dare incidents have been to college. It is tantamount against the Muslim community into a form of to raise pertinent issues such as Palestine. to me saying we must nuke Manchester, for “terrorist recruiting” is laughable. Michael Pittoni responded to me last week there are four murderers there. Even academics Unfortunately it is all expected in the current on the viability of post Enlightenment joys. and professors have their knives out to stab the Islamophobic climate. ‘Stop Islamophobia’ is Unfortunately the theoretical discussion on how Muslim Community. My dismay ever increases. an independent campaign, founded to increase society should be is over. At a near religiously To Sir Richard Sykes, I know that you will have awareness of baseless prejudices against the segregated Imperial, it is too idealistic to hope pressure surmounting from Education Secretary Muslim community and to enhance under- for any sincere discussion, the bigots have made Ruth Kelly, and perhaps even higher, to clamp standing in British society. I am the campaign’s their minds up. What is happening now is that down on those who wish to destroy and murder. National Convenor. I don’t actually care if you the values of Voltaire are being swept aside, and No one disagrees with this. I simply ask you go to our website, read our material or agree the Ancien Régime has dominated all discourse. to help the good, law-abiding and productive with us, but if anything related to the campaign Keith Shilson, President of Middlesex University, one point six million strong Muslim commu- enables you to talk to a Muslim or non-Muslim was suspended for even trying to engage in nity of the UK, some of whom are enormously about today’s climate of fear, then I will have open and fair discussion with the controversial happy here at Imperial, and to not let their lives succeeded. All I hope for is candid dialogue. You and (even according to the Home Office) non- become ruined. don’t need to be scared. Muslims don’t bite. violent Islamic political group Hizb ut Tahrir. Unfortunately, any attempt by any Muslim on Surprisingly in Britain it has the largest follow- felix Thursday 3 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 17

No 1333 Thursday 3 November 2005 [email protected]

felixTfL have on record. Even though registry have used the same stamp Faculties reshuffled for all students only some students How can College just up and do this have experienced problems, how “ without any consultation with the does that work? students? We are told all the time The issue does, now, seem to have Sir Richard next that ‘Imperial is first and foremost been resolved so hopefully all stu- about giving the students the best dent can now take advantage of the time let us know possible education’. reduced student fares. Surely then College should take ahead of time. the views of the students into We are not pawns account when planning something Southside as drastic as a reorganisation of the in your uber- faculty system. All at Felix are severely I’m glad to see Sameena disappointed with the change game of chess Misbahuddin, Union President, is of plans for Southside bar. It taking such an active stance on this is upsetting to have to retract issue and look forward to what she our very positive comments in might report back from the Rector. ‘Southside bar’ saved (Felix 1330). Kilian Frensch, President of ICU In the leader of that issue we Physical Sciences would like to stated “it is another indication ” send a plea to Sir Richard - next that College do in fact listen to the time let us know ahead of time. We students” well, it looks like they are not pawns in your uber-game don’t after all. One wonders when of chess. Mustafa Arif’s influence at Imperial will finally end. Travelcards ULU in chaos TfL seem to have upped the stakes in the ‘which Government It looks highly probable that department can be the most Imperial won’t remain part of UL bureaucratic competition’. The for that much longer. However, signature stamp which the registry we could remain part of ULU, but has been using is apparently given their current chaotic state, do significantly different to that which we really want to?

Halt the tyranny of the do-gooders!

“First they came for people who take great pleasure relaxing proponents of the ban. This is one been spent either in the gym or smack their kids and I did not over a pint accompanied by their of those tricky situations where munching on organic rice cakes. speak out because I did not smack obligatory weed. Lets put this we are left with a choice between I’d choose an evening with the my kids (due to myself not having problem into perspective. Smokers individual freedom and the banning considerably more interesting, any). Then they came for foxhunt- are a mildly irritating group, not of activities that the majority of albeit addicted and afflicted group ers and I did not speak out because a threat to national security. If right-thinking people find repellent. of smokers anytime. Why should I was not a foxhunter. Then they people dislike smoke-filled rooms Some people try and square this a bunch of out of touch, politically came for the smokers and I did that much then they are free to circle by saying “yes I am in favour correct Guardianistas who probably not speak out because I was not a take themselves and their cash to of personal freedom, but if peoples wake up every morning to a yoga smoker. Then they came for me and an establishment which chooses actions harm the health of innocent session and go to bed with 3 feet of there was no one left to speak out to have a no-smoking policy. With bystanders then they must be water tubing jammed up their arse for me.” an exodus of customers, publicans stopped.” Evidence to illustrate the affect how I socialise with a much The above is a rather crude would be forced by the market damage caused by passive smoking valued minority of my friends? adaptation of a poem by Pastor into changing their ways. Seems is far from conclusive and most of When faced with the choice Martin Niemöller about the sensible dosen’t it? Unfortunately it has been over embellished by the between serving food or allowing complicity of German intellectuals not to some. Led by Nanny-in- anti-smoking lobby. For example, smoking many establishments will with the Nazi’s during their rise to Chief Patricia Hewitt, they have they are not so keen to preach to us choose the latter which is what power. An early supporter of Hitler, summoned the courage to enforce the results of research published by advocates of the ban hope. Our own by 1934 he had come to oppose yet another health fatwa on the Swedish toxicologist Robert Nilsson union offers a far more sensible the Nazis and by 1939 he was poor, unlearned masses who are who concluded that breathing policy by prohibiting smoking imprisoned by the state. This week clearly too stupid and downtrodden in passive smoke for a year is in certain areas when food is Stephen Brown saw the proposal of a partial ban on to make their own decisions equivalent to smoking between one served. In my view this means that smoking in public houses, excluding regarding their well-being. and two cigarettes annually, hardly everyone wins. People like myself private members clubs and pubs Such illiberal methods against a lung-threatening amount. Instead can enjoy their food in a smoke- which do not serve food. As a ordinary people seem to be they hysterically shriek that our free environment and those who non-smoker and with no intention accepted by the country without nations smokers are selfishly fancy a puff are not inconvenienced of working for a big tobacco proper discussion. Those who pushing us all in to an early grave, too much. This is admirable as conglomerate some people may are against the new anti-terror in order to further their own holier- being a private members club, find it surprising that I am opposed measures always seem to have than-thou agenda. under the new proposals we are to this measure. In common with the benefit of a nice, well-spoken On a more personal level, still free to do whatever the hell supporters of the ban, I too find man in a suit to make some obtuse smokers aren’t really a bad bunch. we like with regards to allowing/ tobacco smoke utterly repulsive. point about civil liberties every I’d rather go to the pub with my prohibiting smoking in union bars. No-one likes breathing in second time the government passes new smoker-friends and enjoy their Lets make sure the on campus hand smoke or coming home from laws in an attempt to combat company despite their foul habit. health nazis don’t have another the pub and noticing that you smell Islamic extremism. There is at It detracts from a good night opportunity to impose draconian like an ashtray. Despite all these least a debate over the anti-terror out if several of your cohorts are restrictions on our smoking friends. unpleasantries there is one group laws with opponents claiming that constantly having to leave the If they succeed in this they’ll only of people I have even greater they persecute British Muslims. building to feed their addiction. resurface later to try and prohibit disdain for, the anti-smoking When the same arguments are Inhaling a few noxious fumes is something else they don’t like about fascists. made against the smoking and far more preferable than having those of us who muddle thorough Most people don’t like smoke hunting bans such concerns don’t the group dynamics of my evening life without the assistance of a high but this legislation is using a even merit a grown-up response continuously upset by this or worse horse. sledgehammer to crack a nut. and in some cases only serves to still, spend time in the company of Smokers throughout the country induce smug triumphalism from some goody two-shoes who’s life Union Building Redevelopment Sameena Misbahuddin - President Think the Union Building needs a facelift? Think that the building has potential that it just isn’t meeting? Well you’ll be pleased to know that the Union Building will be redeveloped with work starting towards the end of this academic year…. At the moment usage of the ground and fi rst fl oors are being discussed in greater detail to get a combination of facilities in these areas which will give maximum benefi t to In response to the need to refurbish parts of the Union Building, make better use of the students. Some ideas being considered are whether the coffee bar area proposed for space we already have and improve the facilities to a standard students can be proud of, the fi rst fl oor should also sell some alcohol or whether it should remain an alcohol free the Union started plans to redevelop the building last year. Flexibility is key in the design, social area. Other ideas are whether the public should be allowed into these areas as as there are so many needs from the building, which we will aim to meet. well or perhaps only during the holidays..? When considering these, both the service for the students as well as the need to generate income to subsidise the rest of the Union’s Some of the proposed improvements to the building are refurbishments of the bar and activities are being considered and we invite any feedback you have. café areas (dBs and DaVincis), improved lift facilities, games room area, improved facili- ties for clubs & societies (e.g. storage, changing rooms, student activity centre) and the If you have any feedback, want to get involved or have any questions, email: introduction of a coffee bar/social area. [email protected]. We are also intending to give a presentation of the Building plans and designs in the Union Foyer, so watch out for more information about this…In the The process started early last year, with a fi rm of architects being chosen and the sur- mean time, check www.union.ic.ac.uk. veys and focus groups that were held last term. The architects gave preliminary ideas which were then published in Felix and on the Union website and students were asked to give their feedback to the proposals. Faculties of Life Sciences and Physical Sciences Merger Tuesday morning I hear that the Faculties of Life Sciences and Physical Sciences are merging to form a Faculty of Natural Sciences. Whilst I can see some reasons for Col- At the end of the summer term the architects proposed 3 options, which varied in cost, lege doing this, the issue is that they did not inform the students before the decision was and over the summer business plans were written to gain the support of College for this made. They didn’t inform the Union who, had we known about it, would’ve informed project and pleasingly, College are supporting us in this project. It is a key improvement students and the reps affected and raised any concerns expressed. that needs to be made to the campus facilities and we are working with them in this project. Over the coming days myself and the offi cers for the Physical Sciences’ and Life Scienc- es’ Union will be working to fi nd out how this has happened and moreover what affect Currently the next stage of design is underway. This goes into further details of what has this may have on students and ensure that the affect is not negative. There is already already been proposed at Union Council (as mentioned above). Users of specifi c areas talk about work to help relationships between the 2 Faculties so that when the Faculty is are being contacted for this stage, at the end of which there will be more information and fully merged next year, students feel united in the Faculty. designs for all students to give feedback on, which can then be incorporated into the fi nal design stage.

A Week to Rise... Sarah Khatib - Deputy President (Education & Welfare

Coming to university is not only about studying, reading and solving problems. It’s a RISE Student Week is happening from 7 – 11 November 2005 whole process where students develop skills, fi nd their niches and most importantly gain During that week, we have organised various events from fi lm showings with the Afro- confi dence with their abilities. This is not possible of they don’t feel comfortable with Caribbean Society, an Islam awareness talk with the Islamic Society, a RAG fundraiser, their surroundings and proud of their roots. Almost a third of our students are overseas or and a debate about Imperial’s multiculturalism with the Debating Society, and an Imperial from an ethnic background. We have given this cohort a considerable thought here at the Football World Cup happening on Saturday 12 November organised by the Overseas Union and have realised that the diversity these students bring to the College needs to Societies Committee. be celebrated. Other events will also follow such as a Model United Nations debate, an International The Union has fi nally got its act together and is taking part in London’s most widespread Food Fair and a Fashion Show organised by the Overseas Societies Committee. student campaign, RISE Student Week. Previously titled “Respect”, this campaign aims Other London universities will also be having interesting events also publicised. to raise awareness of the cultural diversity among students in London universities. With a predominant anti-racism aspect, this campaign celebrates multiculturalism with the Look out for posters around campus and a JCR stall to support of the Mayor of London. This year, with the unfortunate events of July 7th, we get more information, dates and times and do take part have included an Islam awareness gist to it, to extend this celebration to another aspect in these events to commemorate this rising multicultur- of discrimination. alism we have a privilege to revel in.

What’s happening at the ICSMSU? Danny McGuinnes - ICSMSU President

I’ve started to wonder how far people get into this publication before going, ‘no, that’s Now there will be those of you that think this is ‘typical medic arrogance, not sticking to enough’. Does anyone get as far as the union section?? In fact, has anyone ever read the rules, blah, blah, blah’ but I see it a little differently. These people have been with each it? If nobody does I wonder quite how controversial I can be. Not that I have anything other for six years, through all the highs and all the lows. They have been there for each particularly controversial to say but I’m just a little curious that’s all. other when times have been hard, when consultants have bullied, when shifts have gone on for twenty four hours, when they had to endure PBL, PCC and St Peter’s Hospital and Something I do want to talk about is last weeks commemoration day. That truly was when it seemed the constant cramming of books into their grey matter would never end. a spectacle. It was my fi rst visit to Albert’s Hall and hopefully not my last. One day I’ll Wednesday afternoon saw the hugest achievement and test of stamina so rightly recog- graduate too, honest! The medics graduated alongside the Physical Scientists (or should nised by the family they’ve grown up with over the past six years and at times like that it that be ‘Natural Scientists’?) and I imagine some of those got a little upset. There ap- makes you truly proud to be an Imperial Medic. peared to be a rule that people can’t clap unless you win some award, now the new doctors didn’t seem to stick to this rule and every single MBBS graduate got applauded.

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. T: 020 7594 8060 www.union.imperial.ac.uk felix Thursday 3 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

The author of the ‘star’ letter received each week will win £10 Letters to the editor [email protected]

Praying for a space Lawn. They claim that they are State of the medical entrance exam. I strongly feel that Star Letter forced to cause inconvenience for school the study of medicine should not be Dear Felix, fellow students and staff because made even more complicated by the ICL would not provide them with Dear Felix, additional requirement of decipher- Friday 21 October saw the Islamic a room for their obligations as ing the incomprehensible piffle that Offensive Cartoon society once again forced to hold Muslims. I completely agree with I feel that Imperial’s position as the dribbles out of their mouth. Dear Editor, “Jumah” or Friday Prayers on ICL’s position that the College best medical school in Britain (fol- In many schools there is outrage Queen’s Lawn due to the fact is secular and should therefore lowed by the delightful Hull) is not when the ratio of teachers to stu- I found the cartoon printed next to that all the places, such as the not provide space for communal so much a testament to the scien- dents exceeds 1:30. In our medical editorial in the last issue of Felix Great Hall, that could hold the worship. Religion has nothing to do tific calibre of its students but their school the ratio of lecturers to stu- (issue 1332) rather offensive. approximately 300 students and with ICL, irrespective of whether linguistic calibre. dents is 1:360 - too many, in fact, to If there’s anything worse than a staff of the Islamic society were Muslim, Christian or Hindu. I’m sitting here procrastinating be held in our lecture theatre. This racist taunt to an ordinary Muslim, booked. This situation has arisen The flyer claimed that the closest in the medic computer room (with makes learning harder than it need it’s being associated with terrorism as previously explained in Felix mosque would be too far away to be half my year) as the lecture I’m be, so to have lecturers who speak and extremism. (issue 1331) due to the closure of convenient and instead gather on supposed to be in goes on next door. very poor English is a further prob- What you may not realise is that Southside, where prayers had been Queen’s Lawn. Well if it is so impor- This has nothing to do with not lem that really should be avoided. religious Muslims, particularly held for the past 20 years in the tant to them, Hyde Park is just wanting to learn, it’s simply because those living in Arab states, Union controlled gym. minutes walk away with plenty of the level of English required to lec- Concerned 2nd year student, have long been subject to state- Many have asked about using public space to hold a congregation. ture at Imperial is equivalent to the Faculty of medicine. orchestrated terror: in Iraq under nearby mosques. Unfortunately I assume the Queen’s Lawn gather- standard expected in a McDonald’s Saddam, in Syria under Hafez Al- the closest mosques that conduct ing is designed to elbow College into Assad and in Egypt under Nasser, Friday congregational prayers providing a room (free of charge?) to mention but a few. are thirty minutes away from thereby breaking the secular tradi- I’m not particularly against Felix college. It would be impossible for tion of the College. As an atheist, I turning into a tabloid, but let’s not students or staff to attend without am happy not to be bombarded with adopt The Sun’s poor journalistic missing valuable lecture time or religious beliefs during my lunch standards. The beard is often worn work. Along with this, the closest break around Queen’s Lawn. by religious Muslims: it is not a sign mosques are already at full capacity of extremism. And just to note, and cannot absorb the 300 students J Schumacher the 9/11 hijacker Atta was clean- and staff. Dep of Biological sciences SAF shaven. What also must be remembered blind date Yours Faithfully, is that the Friday congregational prayers are an obligation on all Dear Editor, Habib Abdur-Rahman Muslims. It is performed by all Muslims whether they consider Imperial College should give full themselves devout or rarely identify support to the Muslims that want SAS, Felix’s editoral cartoonist, themselves as Muslims. It is the to pray on Queen’s lawn. This is responds: ‘lowest common denominator’ of all because any decision forced by mob Looking prayers. action can’t fail to be better than a It has been brought to my attention As the situation stands now the reasoned, rational one. that some students have found the Islamic society are allowed to book To house the Muslim prayer cartoon I drew in last week’s issue of rooms (such as the Great Hall) crowds, a dedicated prayer Felix offensive. Firstly, I would like as any other club or society. This platform pointing directly at Mecca to apologise since that was not my means that the venue may have should be commissioned. for Love? intention. Being a Muslim student to change from week to week. The people praying on Queen’s myself, I drew it with the intention Anyone who is part of or helps to Lawn are doing their best when of ridiculing the idea that Muslim run any society would know that they align their bowing towards the students at Imperial could ever be it is hard enough to tell members Sir Alexander Fleming building. considered as having extremist of a change of venue without the Their best is not good enough. beliefs. In reterospect, I could have added difficulty of having around The Earth is not flat. A sloping expressed my ideas more clearly 300 people to inform. Also as the platform to angle their prayers Or just a so as to avoid such misunderstad- past two weeks have shown there straight towards the Ka’bah should ings. I would like to apologise again, may not be any available space to be constructed. According to my and will endeavour to make sure conduct communal prayers. calculations, it should point down any future cartoons are clearly The request is a simple one from the horizontal in London at an structured so as to avoid causing to college: a permanent room of angle of 21 degrees 28 minutes to offence. sufficient size to hold the Friday compensate for the sphericality of free That said, all ethinic groups are congregational prayers during the the Earth. stereotyped whether it be Muslims lunch time. This is not a request Without such a slope, their prayer with beards or the French with for a new service but rather rays just leave the globe at a striped shirts and rings of garlic. a continuation of a previously tangent and uselessly drift off into Cartoons are exaggerated and they established one. space. Plans should be drawn up play on the stereotype because There may be complaints about straight away. dinner?email [email protected] with that is what people associate the the prayers being held on Queen’s relevant ethnic group with. While Lawn but the Islamic society are Name and Deptartment supplied some info about you, and we'll set you up I understand that many Muslims just trying to find a place to pray. wish to change the image of Islam Felix on a date to remember. in wake of recent events, I somehow Kian Sing Low doubt a cartoon wearing a sign say- Welfare Campaigns Officer Dear Felix, ing ‘non-stereotyped Muslim’ would be appreciated either. Just taking this opportunity to say Yours Faithfully, Dear Felix, that Felix is much better this year. SAS Grabbing headlines, fab photos, col- Technician Required Last Friday, I picked up a flyer our, information on a wide range of from the Islamic society during issues at your finger tips. Very well Glendower Prep School in South Kensington is looking their open air prayers on Queen’s done to all involved, you have cre- ated a very dynamic read. for an IT technician for a part time vacancy (approx 8 hours a week). Responsibilities will include maintaining the school network, file and mail servers Get your views heard as well as ongoing maintenance of the 30 computers used throughout the school. Knowledge of active directory, send Felix a letter Exchange server and Windows XP essential. For further details, please email the school at the following address, including a CV and any other relevant information: [email protected] [email protected]

Easy PDF Creator is professional software to create PDF. If you wish to remove this line, buy it now. felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

Dear Miss Confi[email protected] Mystic stars Scorpio (Oct 23rd – Nov 21st) Taurus (Apr 21st - May 21st) mean, come on - unless you don’t met. I’m pretty sure that she has tend to binge drink and you’ve a boyfriend, but she never talks What is that I spy in Well, well, well…look recently found yourself waking up in about him around me. If I’m the heavens? Is it whose been caught strange places with no recollection interested in dating her should I Venus? Or cupid! The with their hand in the of the night before and covered in bring the subject of her boyfriend arrow has struck your cookie jar. Well there’s mud, or have developed a habit up? Is she not talking about him heart, but will love’s no shame when they of standing above your sleeping because she doesn’t want to scare poison infect your are yours to eat! Dig flatmates with a knife waiting off a potential friend or because head as well? in! for them to wake up (or similar she is interested in me? I’d just Norman Bates-like things), I really like to know what’s on her mind. Sagittarius (Nov 22nd – Dec 21st) Gemini (May 22nd – Jun 21st) don’t think you have a problem. Is it ok to ask or will that make her Here’s what Miss C. orders: finish uncomfortable? A web of mystery has Slugs and snails and your rotation; remember to take a Feeling Hungry spun itself around puppy dogs tails. breather; and try avoid spending your life! Beware Become one with more time than necessary in the Dear Feeling Hungry, of being the fly that nature this week, but psychiatry ward and I think you’ll You want to know what’s on her has been caught. don’t be too surprised be just fine. mind? Well the only way to do that is Something that looks if canines seem wary to ask her, I’m afraid. I’m an advice innocent may in fact be the spider of you. Fatty Fat Fat columnist sweetie, not a mind that’s been hunting you. reader. Now normally it’s the girls Cancer (Jun 22nd – Jul 22nd) Dear Miss C., that over-think the situation, but Capricorn (Dec 22nd – Jan 19th) Hey guys. The star letter winner I’ve managed to put on 4Kg in the in this case you’ve managed to top Who says there’s this week is a girl and doesn’t past 3 weeks. Not too sure whether that chart. You’re eating lunch with Look who’s on top of no such thing as want Blitzkrieg so its still up for it’s the daily curries, general a friend, not planning a marriage. the world this week, a free lunch? This grabs. If your a girl or just not a takeaway meals or the boozy Have you thought that maybe and why not! Fate’s rare delight is yours nerd then you could also win a CD nights. Thing is, I didn’t really as you don’t know her boyfriend got its eye on you for the scoffing this album of your choice: mind - but now the other guys in there’s no real reason for her to talk and has luck and love week. The food may [email protected] hockey have started to mock me! to you about it? The best thing is heading your way. be fit for a king, but the company is What do you suggest? to stay friends and get to know her Keep your wits about you though. like yesterday’s leftovers. Can you Miss C. Hugh Mongous better, I’m sorry but two lunches stomach it? don’t count for anything! If she likes Aquarius (Jan 20th – Feb 18th) Dear Hugh Mongous, you it will be more obvious! Girls Leo (Jul 23rd – Aug 22nd) Star Letter Well, your question isn’t really really aren’t that complicated. If you There’s a bright light the hardest thing in the world to want to test the water, ask her out shining down on you. You are about to em- answer! I’m pretty sure that all of to another gathering with a group No its not the mystic bark on an interest- Attack of the Killer Telephone the above are the cause of your of mates, and just get to know her heavens sending you ing chapter in your increased weight. Although to be better on a personal level. Flirt with their blessings…. life which you will Dear Miss Confidentiality, fair, if all you’ve been living off is her, see if you get a reaction and its London’s neon embrace perhaps a I am a medic who’s currently on takeaway meals and alcohol, then work from there! Just take it one nightlife! Get out there and shake little too cautiously. a psychiatry firm, and I’m really I’m impressed its only 4kg! My step at a time. that arse!! It’s time to relax a little, after all life worried ‘cause I’m every bit as advice: try and eat more healthily shouldn’t be taken so seriously… crazy as the patients on the wards! and lay off the lard. Did you not One Orgasm Too Far Pisces (Feb 19th – Mar 20th) you’ll never escape it alive anyway! I don’t think I’ll ever be a doctor if watch super-size me? Cut down a I get admitted for being nuts. What bit on the booze as well, and that’ll Dear Miss C., Sugar and spice and Virgo (Aug 23rd – Sep 22nd) can I do? probably help. However if neither I had such a strong orgasm when all things nice. We all Yours, of these are really the solution having sex with my boyfriend that know what happens It’s about time you Angst that you’re looking for then I’d I pooed myself. Frankly, it was when we give into out started acting like just exercise a bit more. A couple disgusting. My boyfriend didn’t say sweet tooth. I’d sched- YOU! The turning Dear Angst, more workout sessions etc. and the a word, but he must be disgusted, ule an appointment point is coming.... it’s Well you can start by breaking into weight will be flying off and you’ll musn’t he?What should I do? for the dentist. time you go where the hospital pharmacy and taking be back to your normal size. As for Ashamed there is no path and a couple of sedatives: diazepam your mates? Just challenge them Aries (Mar 21st - Apr 20th) leave a trail for others to follow. should do it, to calm yourself down. to a drinking contest, it sounds Dear Ashamed, You’ll have loads of people following Feeling better? Good; then listen: like you’ve definitely had enough Don’t worry, we all have moments What goes around in your footsteps. you ‘think’ you’re every bit as crazy practice to drink them under the when we let the moment take over. comes around and as the patients - or did someone table. If you choose the exercise If he really loves you he should this has been brewing Libra (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd) tell you? Now, I have a couple of option, then you’ll soon be running realise that you were just giving for a while. Try not to medic mates and they may not be laps round them and then they’ll be your all to the moment. However, if be put off by the bad You’re stuck in a rut, the most normal of people, but they the ones with red faced. this happens again I would advice luck you have this but I spy a gorgeous aren’t insane and they managed refraining from anal sex. It could be week, instead concentrate on long Leo who will elevate to fail the mini mental psychiatry I’ve Got the Munchies due to a medical condition, semi- term priorities. you out of your misery tests. They all also tend to be total latus rectum, but I suggest you go this week. You will hypochondriacs (constantly self Dear Miss C, see your doctor ASAP. begin to relish in diagnosing). It seems that you also The past two Fridays I’ve eaten your new ‘Do I look like I care?!’ suffer from the same problem. I lunch with a girl I’ve recently attitude… I’m so jealous. felix Thursday 3 November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 21

[email protected]

with David Hasselhoff Returncoff ofee Th ebreak Hoff Th e people have spoken - Hasselhoff is back, and hairer than ever. Over the past few weeks we’ve with us being bored of staring at The oned on the staggeringly immense Personally, I was looking forward the hairy freak to look forward to. been running a vote on who should Hoff’s inane grin and chiselled abs popularity of The Hoff, and you’ve to sexy ladies adorning the page, Thanks guys. be Coffee Break’s new mascot, what all day. Unfortunately I hadn’t reck- decided that you want him to stay. but as it is, there’s another year of Hoff... Hoff... HOFF! Well, we had to really. In celebra- tion of the unending well of talent that is Senor Hasselhoff, it’s a Hoff- fest this week. Answer the questions, get two points. We know it’s not a lot this week, so here’s a Dot-to-Hoff to do while you’re bored. Anyone who sends a completed Hoff to the Felix office gets ten points, and loses at life. Emails to coffee.felix@imperial. ac.uk 1 2 3 4

David Hasselhoff is a singing sen- Drinking puts hairs on your chest, Baywatch: Softcore porn for sand No Hasselhoff feature is complete sation, with chart success all over and also your head too from the look fetishists. Despite Hoff’s slightly without his crotch. One for the the globe. But mostly Germany. of this picture. The Hoff is all-too- dodgy claims that the show saved ladies I think. The question practi- How many albums has The Hoff fond of a drink, but can you tell us lives, we all know how poo it was. cally writes itself. How big is Hoff’s released? his favourite tipple? Who’s Hoff’s co-star here? penis?

Answers 1331 FUCWIT League I Think We’re Alone Now 2005-2006 1. Wham! - Freedom 2. Tiffany - I think we’re alone now Darkshines 78 3. Bryan Adams - Summer of ‘69 The Fantastic Four 75 4. Queen - Don’t stop me now Insert Name Here 73 5. Jackson 5 - Want you back Me, Myself & John Sargent 73 6. The Proclaimers - 500 miles Cupid Stunts 72 7. Kylie + Jason - Especially for Cockroach On Coke 71 you Bernard Scumley Porno Queen 70 8. MC Hammer - Can’t touch this Norfolk ‘n’ Chance 69 5 6 9. The Monkees - Daydream Forever Throwing Doubles 68 Believer The Schist Ones 39 10. Chesney Hawkes - The one Disgruntled Virgin 24 Knight Rider was the pinnacle of The Hoff’s finest hour: Knocking and only Caledonian Conspiracy 23 Dave’s career in my opinion. What down the Berlin Wall. His lowest: 11. Adam Ant - Stand and Deliver was the name of Micheal Knight’s Moaning about not getting enough 12.The Hoff - Looking for Freedom [email protected] Dot-to-Hoff ‘boss’ in the show? credit. What’s Hoff’s full name?

Felix Crossword 1333 by Luke Gibson

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across 30. Squat starts Statistical 6. Expressionless college leader 1. First man on moon with hard Information Technology (3) eats shuffle pad (4-3) 9 substance for singer (4,7) 32. University has plenty of them, 7. Rubbish which ever way you look 7. ATP provides energy for dance slab with a wayward direction at it (3) 10 11 12 form (3) (4) 8. Bird is made of average mould 9. Hearing Device stirred for time 34. Church of England joins Madrid (6) 13 14 (3) team to start the day. (6) 14. Either metal mineral (3) 10. Rude gestures orbiting (5) 35. Letter golfers need to start (3) 18. Fierce group, retch around com- 15 16 11. Enamel whisk loses its backing 36. In public drinks can be bought pass point (4) - a wash out (5) here (3) 21. Intoxicated bats open accounts 17 18 19 12. Heavenly body loses its head (3) 38. Uplift, artificial intelligence in at club (4) 13. Confusing an owl is below the rear seat entertainment (5) 24. After French have been on the 20 21 16 belt (3) 39. Post Offices front Queen, what a slopes (5, 3) 15. Beginnings of European show-off! (5) 25. Amphibian, male cow amphib- 22 4 7 23 24 25 Community with a dwelling, 40. Goad him into laying (3) ian (8) what a treat (6) 41. Not, we hear, occurring in for- 26. Fifty surrounded in rodent upris- 3 0 16. School friends, harvests with mal dress (3) ing, protected by their years, 17 26 27 28 reversed PR (4) 42. Science of machine meeting escaped! (2, 5) 17. Beer well contained in this (3) wrong with out right (11) 28. French the following: high… (7) 29 30 31 19. Concerning a confused U-boat 29. Stroke young dog, but strings (5) attached! (6) 22 32 33 34 20. Central American Noughts and Down 31. Frost begins in cold England (3) Crosses gives muddled per- 1. Digits lost feeling around emer- 33. Second class finger decoration is 35 formance (3) gency room (8) fetching (5) 22. Deities shook up concerning 2. Metal breather (4, 4) 35. Next opportunity for a seabird, 36 37 38 39 how to make canines (4) 3. Hate mixed silk in die (7) I hear (4) 23. Prickly fish (4) 4. A dying moon’s recreation – start 37. Heard to exist, but bumbling (3) 40 27. Uncouth mouth made from bog afresh? (4) (3) 5. Good Queen comes to sudden end 41 42 29. Scrambled a pint to cover a can- in Old Etonian embrace – heavy vas (5) man! (5) 4th Nov 20.00-02.00 (bar shuts at 01.00) Live music from:

the SPIDER HOUSE

5 Pint jug of Snake bite and black for £5 ( Dbs only ) The Union advises responsible drinking.

ROAR £3 Union £3.50 guest £2 Ents card

rock city felix.indd 1 1/11/05 12:09:43 felix Thursday 3rd November 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 23

Sport [email protected] Cheating medic Encouraging

Samscum Styles humiliated!to clear, however, and tiny, tiny Pas completed his hat-trick with a beau- Celinastart! Rughani like it was about to break-down any was on hand to belt the ball over tiful left-footed finish from a wonder- minute we made it to the courts the flailing keeper and into the goal. ful through ball from Alan to make Netball in good time. Snatching a quick Inspirational leader Sam was on the score IC Sevenths 7 – Cheating lead within the first few centres, the hand to score his third in as many medics 0. Easy! Easy! Easy! That Royal Vets 3rds 16 match got off to a great start…all games with a powerful drive from is what the thousands of fans not Imperial College 3rds 19 the girls were in the zone and had Mens Football the edge of the box after more good present at Harlington would have the determination to prove to Jade work by Ian to make it 3-0 to the 7’s. been chanting if they both existed we could win (a smart motivational ICSM 4ths 1 At about this stage the clearly and had turned up. After being disappointed on not get- tactic from the captain after a decla- Imperial College 7ths 7 jealous medics realised that they Jack made the score 8-0 with a ting to play the first scheduled match ration that she thought we’d lose). had no chance of winning the game header from Paul’s free kick but of the season due to a much delayed After the first half we were still and started trying to break the sev- the cheating medics disallowed it forfeit by Goldsmiths College, holding onto a fab 8-6 lead, and still Massacres have been a regrettably enths players’ wonderfully skilful for a “marginal offside”…Well… the Thirds went on to play their had the energy to keep the game in regular occurrence throughout the legs (perhaps they wanted to per- whatever, it was still 7-0. Somehow first ULU match last Wednesday. our hands. With the Vets looking history of mankind, but few have form some kind of leg transplant convinced that they hadn’t already Making an extra effort to meet early, tired and getting sloppy Imperial been quite so ruthless and cold- operation so that they could have cheated enough, the medics then ensuring we reached Potters Bar on shot in there keeping possession of blooded as the Sevenths brutal dem- a good football team aswell? Who turned down the most blatant pen- time…due to our somewhat sh*te the ball and playing out the game at olition of our home grown medic knows…). These dirty tactics only alty ever after Ian beat 3 men and orienteering skills. our own pace. Despite a few disput- scum. If it had not been for the proceeded to inspire the sevenths to nutmegged a fourth before being able calls from the Ref, Imperial obligatory medic cheating, the score new levels of absolute amazingness kicked over in the box. I guess the “Snatching a quick still managed to keep the lead while could easily have reached double, and the score reached 5-0 before medics thought 0-7 was a pretty commendably keeping the team perhaps even treble figures. half time. First Pas won the ball in respectable score, but 0-8 could not lead within the first spirit high! In now traditional Sevenths fash- midfield and fed Jarlath, who having be allowed at any cost. Finishing the match with a win ion, we shot out of the blocks and spotted that the goalie was sporting The focus now fell on the defence, few centres, the of 19-16, we endeavoured another for the third game in a row found a pair of the very latest crisp-packet who have been outstanding all sea- dodgy car journey back to the sta- ourselves in the fortunate position hands (all the rage in this year’s son so far. Paul, Mo, Adie, Wongy match got off to a tion and on reaching home….made of being 3-0 up within 20 minutes. ULU football leagues) proceeded to and Alan wanted a clean sheet a well deserved visit to the union The first came within seconds of drill the ball straight through them. SO badly…but they didn’t get one great start” for a celebratory drink! Special con- the kick off as Ian’s corner was Jack assures me that he scored the because they let the medics score On arriving at Potters Bar station gratulations to Tombo for winning tapped in at the back post by a mys- 5th goal, which was bundled over after Ario got lobbed again. Was the Royal Vet’s were there wait- player of the match and praisewor- tifyingly unmarked Jarlath. The the line after a goal mouth scram- this the most miraculous comeback ing, and after a long drive through thy play from the rest of the girls! second goal provided an answer to ble. I, however, have decided that it ever? Could the medics do it? 7 the country roads in a car that felt the eternal question: what happens was an own goal. Unlucky son. goals in 10 minutes? Don’t be stu- when comedy defending meets com- The medics combination of being pid. The game finished 7-1. IC were edy attacking? Answer: A comedy well rubbish and cheating made delighted with the win, the medics goal of course! Jack was played in the half time team talk easy (just were delighted with the amount of We’re Sailing Away! from the right wing. A goal seemed like the game, ha!) and the flow cheating that they did. Everyone’s a certainty until he produced a com- of goals continued after the break. a winner. Tom Sibley The competition comprised of four plete air-shot (a dummy? Whatever Pas got his second after collecting a races, two either side of lunch. The you say Jack…) the medics failed rebound from his own shot and then wind conditions were light mean- Sailing ing that mistakes that were made were punished more severely than usual. The slow speed of the racing, Easy victory for IC second XI The Imperial College Sailing Club allowed the least experienced of the attended a competition at the Welsh team time to take in the intricacies Harp reservoir at Wembley last of competitive racing and as the day Andrew Kosinski le, collapsed in the D like a pack edge as badly as Bill Oddie, whereas weekend. It was not a sort of com- went on, the performances lifted. of cards with acute angina. Up IC looked threatening with lots of petition that the Club are used to The wind also lifted as the day went Mens Football stepped Parrott who matter-of- possession in Met’s half. This was as it was an ‘open’, meaning that in on and this change of conditions factly curled the ball into the bot- rewarded when IC were awarded a addition to the usual student con- allowed the team a bit of variety in Imperial College 2nds 5 tom-left corner of the goal. It was penalty for a handball, and it was tingent, anyone and everyone could their sailing. The day finished with London Met 2nds 0 well executed, on the contrary to the Gready who coolly slotted the ball compete for the first prize. We had the Imperial College teams in 9th, London Met’s shoot-to-score policy. into the bottom-left. Gready was not attended this competition for the 10th, and 12th. While not as impres- Commendably, they were hitting the the obvious choice for the pen once last two years but the last time we sive as our last visit, the team have Can a team that plays in all pur- target but unfortunately for them, AK had ruled himself out of the run- entered we managed 3 entries in the to be congratulated for their efforts ple be taken seriously? IC 2nds they had come across the wrong ning having just been nobbled by his top ten. This year’s team included 2 when you consider the lack of train- were about to find out, taking on man. James Haugh in the IC nets opposite number, who may or may new members and only one mem- ing we have had since the start of the second team from a university was impregnable. not have been deaf. By this stage ber of last year’s team, but despite term. that boasts 34,000 students. IC 2nds The fan didn’t have much long- Gready’s ankle injury was starting the lack of experience of the Welsh As a club we will next be compet- entered the game with their three er to wait until the second goal, to cause problems and AK still had Harp’s quirky conditions, we were ing at Loughborough on the 3rd/4th previous matches featuring a mind- which uncannily saw centre back a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve confident it wouldn’t show. December. The sailing is not the boggling total of 22 goals, lending the Milad Toolabi running with the ball in the way of Perry, so the obvious only fun part, as the competition suggestion that goals were to be the near the opposition corner flag and straight-swap was made. The third has a reputation for its impressive order of the day. However, with over whipping in a superb cross. It was goal caused Met to collapse like “the team have to post-sailing social events. If you are half of these goals in the ‘Against’ stylishly converted by Gready who Paul Robinson’s stock in Ramsay interested in sailing, from competi- column the defence was beginning wheeled away in obvious delight. Street when it was revealed that he be congratulated for tive racing to learning to sail, you to get a reputation of being more The start of the final 45 saw IC was a master embezzler and was can email us at sailing@imperial. like a colander than a sieve, perhaps camped in their own half defend- knobbing everybody’s missuses. their efforts” ac.uk. even a net. ing an almost endless succession Their heads had dropped and their Barely five minutes had passed of boring throw-ins, but the back knuckles had really begun to drag. and it was already nil-nil, although four stayed awake, held firm and It wasn’t long before D.A.L. slotted IC 2nds were looking better value conceded nothing. The London Met home the fourth and Perry com- for their nil. Left-winger Chris captain may have pulled off one of pleted the rout with a well finished Parrott was dribbling a lot and the his players at half time but even run on goal. opposition didn’t like it – you could this could not serve to inspire his So to answer the question: London see it on their faces. defenders to rise to the occasion Met 2nds can be treated as seriously AK made a darting run and and be more solid in the second as well…Harchester United. aided by a somewhat clumsy tack- half. London Met needed a cutting Imperial College Lodge

Please send your sports reports, reviews Interested in Fre emasonry? and comments to Contact: felix-a d@iclo dge.org [email protected] felix 24 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 3 November 2005

sport [email protected] Unlucky boys and Brown on Sport Stephen Brown Not surprisingly support amongst Sports Editor students is unanimous. An unholy alliance of rugby, football and hock- girls Further to last weeks column for all ey clubs has formed over this issue. Samuel Phillips those interested in the development IC Hockey Captain Richard Bacon of the facilities at Harlington I have sums our position up very well, “If RSM Hockey 2 some progress to report. Sport and Imperial is going to try to establish London Strollers 5 Leisure as you all know have worked itself much more prominently in the tremendously hard over the past few sports department, it’s going to have years to improve sports facilities for to invest some money in facilities A big thank you goes out to the staff and students. You only have to like better flood lights for every- London Strollers, our victorious look as far our new sports centre one to encourage sports.” Sport and opponents who showed that sports- to see this. The money secured by Leisure again indicate that funding manship is far from dead. They’re a them for the new centre and the may be available for such a project. great bunch of people and a really refurbishment of off-campus gyms The College take great pride in the good club to play, so any other hock- means that Imperial is one of the success of our sports teams and ey people looking for mixed games leading British Universities when it their investment in our indoor facili- should certainly look them up on the comes to investment in sport. Not ties shows their commitment to our web. Thank you London Strollers. bad for an inner city campus! athletes. Harlington is an excellent Firstly, the score was a little harsh Having spoken to the staff at facility and it is important that we I thought. Man of the Match was Sport and Leisure it turns out that work with College to ensure that it Tim. Special mentions go to Tom a major stumbling block when it reaches its full potential. This will and Rachel. comes to erecting new floodlights not just be for our own benefit, but It’s never nice to lose 5-2 but eve- is not just obtaining College fund- also for subsequent generations of ryone enjoyed playing and it was ing but gaining planning permis- IC sportspeople. great to see so many people turn sion from Hillingdon Council. The Now to close on a different matter. up, its was a great social event. The ground at first sight appears that We are now a month into term and game started well with the teams Ho-Yee put in another gritty show- age was done and the fitness lev- it is in the middle of nowhere, it’s I would like to thank all of you who trading goals and keeping level with ing for the RSM but unfortunately els were laid bare, three goals in only claim to fame being that it is have contributed to Sports Felix. each other. Some fast runs from the couldn’t shake her marker. With our relatively quick succession saw the smack bang in the middle of a flight As ever we are always looking for Strollers’ right forward kept Man goalkeeper Kiran out for the next game change very quickly. Chances path out of Heathrow. It turns out new writers, especially amongst the of the Match Tim very busy. In fact few months for surgery (we all wish a plenty were had to even and turn that there are a few houses from niche sports who are neglected by if you looked at the game you’d be him well and a speedy return) vice the score line around but a lack of nearby Harlington village close to mainstream coverage. Even just a hard pushed to put him in one posi- captain Rachel Kershaw stepped match sharpness (and maybe cer- the east boundary. Obviously the piece telling readers more about tion, as he was basically playing into the keepers kickers at the last tain hangovers) meant we couldn’t concerns of residents must be taken your sport we want to know. I feel the entire left hand side. Charles minute and was faced with a difficult capitalise on them. in to account but a commonly held urged to make this plea as I rec- Purshouse made a brilliant debut challenge from the Strollers’ attack, The post match festivities were view is that surely a few additional ognise that football match reports for the RSM in a holding centre and had to deal with an extremely every bit as enjoyable as the match pylons aren’t that much of an eye- seem to be dominating this term. mid role giving Mike and Tom the well executed p-flick. Not to mention and involved many a downed pint sore? Floodlights occasionally used Perhaps I’m a little too good at freedom to cause problems for the getting injured by her own captain (with extras of course) and much before bedtime shouldn’t even reg- haranguing my fellow footballers in strollers’ defence (how many goals in warm up, so thanks very much alcohol was imbibed. Tip for our ister when you have planes flying to churning out match reports. I’ve was it you missed Tom?). This being Rach. Tom should also be thanked man of the match: your bed will be overhead every few minutes seven got no desire to turn our sports a mixed event the ladies deserve a for choosing to play for the RSM much more comfortable than the days a week? Perhaps our pragma- section into a fanzine for my own mention, Sarah and Susie putting rather than one of the many other floor of the disabled toilets at the tism is someone else’s tyranny so club and really would appreciate in their usual high class perform- teams hankering after his skills. The union the next time you want a nap this would need to be examined in contributors from a far wider variety ances gave the whole team a boost. second half was where the dam- after the game. greater depth. of sports.

Quick Crossword by Cactus

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down 1. Night before All Saints Day (9) 1. Pluto (5) 6. Hand in Adams Family (5) 2. Caged light (7) 9. Fun exercise (7) 3. Of the ear (4) 9 10 10. Festive vegetable (7) 4. Festive drink (6) 11. African tree making butter (4) 5. Slippery cocktail (6) 12. Festive bush (5) 6. Burial place (4) 13. Play bricks (4) 7. Special reservoir (7) 11 12 13 16. Australian airline (5) 8. Explosive (9) 18. Whitish face (6) 14. Measure of mass (5) Continue 14 15 19. Energy (3) 15. BBC killer robot (5) 20. An embodiment (6) 16. In four pieces (9) watching 16 17 18 22. Rot (6) 17. Unit (3) this 19 26. Amphibian (4) 21. Pale (7) 27. Wood nymph (5) 23. Atomic number 69 (7) space! 20 21 22 23 28. Square area (4) 24. Sexy (6) 32. Uncontrolled (7) 25. Keep (a secret) (6) 24 25 33. Festive blaze (7) 29. Robe (5) 34. Distraction (5) 30. Broad (4) Big 26 27 28 29 35. Festival (9) 31. Opening of alimentary canal (4) changes 30 31 next week 32 33

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