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1: , 01~~~ . Cb'1i1 ~ .Ill nn EaioAa mosyqc,o Ca. PAxY mCKY srRIKE . THE JACK BENNY PRWRA61-
SIImAY. APRII. 4 . 1948 NBC 4 :00 - 4 :'LO PM PST
8
Ri}S01 0310743 JAPC~K7I~Ri~EpNNY PROGRAM . ' . 27 -A-~. ! C4/3/48 ~PMEROORAM N0 i LAINO: THE JACK HENNY PROGRAM - I reeented by LUCKY BTRIKB! , . _
. sOONEe (CHANT - 57 to 59 AmE RICAN) '
LAINO: . Lucky Strike- and Luoky St#dke alone - offere you :~ ...... important ev enoe gathered7n the tobaacooountr,Y by the world-famous Croasley Poll . This evidence reveals the smoking preference of auctfAneere, buyers andwarehousemen-
the men who really mmow tobacco . Here ' e what the Croeal»y Poll found : . '
: For their own personal smoking en j .R[KSDAEL
OBACCO EXPERTS - oyment -' IImEPENDENT T
AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE - FISLST CHOICE!
LUCKY STRIKE - F$35T CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER BRANDI
LAING : These experts Imow their bueiness . Their overwhelming preference for Lucl(y Strike, we believe, has a direct
relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for
Luckies and to the real, deep-down smoking enjoyment you
may expect from fine tobacco . And when,theee veteran
tobacco experts name LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE for .
their own personal smoking enjoyment, then you ]mov . . . .
RTJYSDAEL : IS - NIFT
L3 - PI`I'
LAINO : Lucky Strike means fine tobacoo - and in a oigarette it's
the tobacco that counts . So smoke the smoke tobacco
experts smoke - Lucky Strlke! Remember - RUYSDAEL : 7NDEPENUENT TOBACCO EXPSRTSI
AGAIN NAME LUCKIC STRI KE - FIIiST CHOICB{ - LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OT3iER BRANDI
V
Rrx 01 0310?44 . (FIBST ROUfINE), . . ~^ ~- i (AFTER COMJQ:RC7AT.. . .MOSIO UP AND DOWN) . DON : THE LUCKY STRIKB PROGRAM, STARHINC JACK BENNY ; . .WITi( M4RY . . LIVINQSTONE, PNIL RARRIS, ROCAESTERi DENNIS DAY4 AND "y00R4
TRPLY" .DON WIISON . . . (APPIAUSE .,MCSIC .UP AND DONN) - - ~ . DON : L4DIES AND OENPIRMEN . .AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, .,iAST WEQC TACK,. BENNY VISITA9 THB RONA7D C071dAN9 AND-RE PERSUADED RONNIE TO IaID HIM .Y[IS ACADFMY AWARD OSCAR : ;, : .AS JACK ISPT'A 0~0 ~IMAti~ HOUSE, T[0; FOLiAWIIVG INCIDENT' HAPPENP9 ., .
(SOUND : FOOTSTEPS ON CFb1E!!T) .
. JACK : Gee, it was awfully nice of Ronnie to let me take hie Oeoar
home so I could show it to Roch.ester . . .it sure is dark tonight . . .no moon . . .Ob well . .(HUMS IAVE IN I IAOM)
EDDIE : Hey Bud . . . . bud ? (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS STOP) JAOKt ~.yHVvh,~? IDDIE : . G"ot a match? x JACK : Yea„4 ~ have one right here iWKVw- EDDIE : DON'T MAKE A MOVE . . .THIS IS A STICK-UP . . . JACKt Mister, put down that gvn, 29=6}b .r EDDIE : SHUT UP . . .I SAID THIS IS A STICK UP . . .NOW .,AYOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE . . .(LONG PAUSE), .,,IIJOK BUD, ..,I SAID YOUR NpNEY OR YOUR LIFE : Y'm thinking. JACK it over! Now look, rtdater--
S
FiT)l01 0310?45 ~-
EDDIE : CON E ON . . .GIVE MN YOUR WALLET OR I'LL LU1' YOU HAVS 1T.
JACKi All right Mieter .':don'ti"ehoot ... .dOC1't eboot .-.Here'emy .yallet ,
EIDDIEt. GCOD . . .AND I'LL TAKE THAT PACKI+GE YOII'RE .CARRYIIfO ~ . . ; .. TOO . : This package . .but it isn"t"mine ; . .it belonge to. JACK BonaldCoRmen . . . , . . ._~...... ' . .be non-- ' EDDIE :. PIPE DOWN AND GIVE IT TD t.'lE Ojt ~!I,,L DRILL YOU . :d-v'E~TTQn : Y-Y-yes eir . . . . . 0ne, two, three, four, five-r°'*1 . JACK (IAVE IN BLOOM) ...... DON : YES, L4DIES Atm GENTLEMEN• .•'141AT 'S WgAT RAPPFY7FD SUNDAY NIGRT ., . .AS WE LOOK IN ON JACK NOW . . .ITiS THE F'OLIAWING MORNING . (SOUND : PAC390 OF F'IAOR) - JACK : Mary, I've thought of a million different tLinge--i,! I flonit eknow what to do . : A Jack, stop pacing the floor and sit down . MARY . . .you're making a nervous wreck of yourself . ROCH : HE WAS LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT, MISS LIVINGSTONE . . . NEVER SLEPT A . WINK. . . .TACK : Well, what am I going to do--how can I ever explain this to Ronnie . MARY: Jack, you've got to control yourself or you'11 have aa breakdown .n .why don I t you have eome breakfast? S Rrx 01 0370746 -0 3- JACK: No Mary . .I oouldn't .eat a thing. .I don't .uare .if I never eat again . . ., . . . . ', ) . . . . . ROCH2 M*'td M.4AT+M . . .HE NASN'T BEEN THIS UPSIsTBINCE THEDA SARA GOT -JACK2 I'm at my wits end . . .' .I oan!t tell Rom21e~:bic Osoar was '-stoler., he'll never @peak to ms .again . . .Ioau'ttell the . police abqut t]2e ~1bo~dryp beoause then itwiil geCin the .4• . .psSeSS . . „v .~Wh•aYt in th'e/a rw.orruldoan I do? . MARYt ^J~XyXd-on't you kill yourself? JACK2 Say, that's not aMM . .Ob, stop . . .I'm not inthe mood for fokes . .jW there must be some way I can get that'Oscar back : V&y donIt you put an ad in the Heverly Hille paper and offer .MARY a rewaxd? JACK : No Mary, a reward would just be a waste of time . . .who'd return it for what I'd offer? ROCH2 401' MR . BENNY, IF IT WILL GEP Y00 OUT OF THIS hESS, 4d[y DON'T YOU MAIQ; THE REWARD SUBSTANTIAL . . . GIVE A THOUSAND DOIdARS? (LONG .PAUSE) ...... WELS,,. WE'RE BACK TO KIIS.ING YOUASELF : Yeah . . . .there. JACK muet be some other way out . . .It seems imposeible that I should be bold up right in front of my own house . A s Hrx 01 031 0 74 7 ~ MARYt You know, you etill haven't told me what happened . .I don't know any of the details yet . . JAOK : You „you don't? Well Mary: .tbis is exactly what happened . . : . .As I was leaving Ronnie's house, be loaned me his Oscar . . . so I .oould show it to Rochester . . . . I waswelking home, carrying the 0eoar under my arm (FADE) wh en a sinister looldnE van stepped out of the hedge . (30UND ; T}IItFS FOOTSTEPS COMING IN) . P9DIE ; Hey Bud . .~R~uh? .BudR JACKr . E9DIE ; n GOT A MATC.Y4 JACK ; Yes, I have one right here '- - DON'T MAKE A MOVE EDDIE ; . .THIS IS A STICK AP . JACK: (VERY TOUGH) A STICK-UP? PUT M)WN THAT GUN OR I I LL TRRASH . Y0U TO WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE : . .PiYP IT DOWN I SAY . EDDIE : (SLIGHTLY NEfr*I®OS) N-nowA just a e-second mister . . .don I t come any c-closer . . JACK: (TOLGH) So you think you can soare me with a gun . .why, I'll break your arm, EDDIE : (NERVOUS„AIMOST CRYING) Look Mister . . .I didn't want to do thie ., .But I hed to . .(BEGINS CRYING) I had to get naney for my wife and children . i S H7M01 0370 7 48 -5- C JACK : Well, you didn't have to pull a gun on me. . .if you wanted money . . . . all you had to do was aek ...... fl M F'm going to take that gun away from you and-- Xw'ut~-^-0~ EDDIE : Look, I'm warning you . .don't 9come any oloser . . .all right, youu asked for it . . .Take that : HEAVY 50CK) . (SOUND . . JACK: Oh yeah . . .Well you take that . . . . . and that . MARY: Jack, what were you doing to the crook when you said, "Take That and That4" ROCHt HE WAS !IA' E{IIA1HIS WALLET At~J70~3*CARY ; I was not .^N.ywhsMil~e I was beating him up,. JACK I dropped the Oscar, he picked it up and ran off down the street ...... Honeetly, I never was so-- (SOUND : DOOR BUZZER) JACK : Oh, who can that be . . .I don't want to see anyone today . (~{ MARY: ~ Calm down Jack, .I'll go to the door . (SOUND : FAN FOOTSTEPS) ~ MARY: (TO HERSELF) . . . . Gee, I feol A eorry for poor Jack . .he's trying so hard to be brave, but I know he's been crying, . .His masrara's ru nning ...... I hope he,can get out of this mesa . (SOUND : COUPLE MORB FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS) MARY: Oh hello Don . S NTX01 0310749 -s- DON ; Hello Mary, whereIs Jack?,, .IIve got eomethingAimpotkant to . . . ..ke3}_ him . : ...... M4RYe A J/^Do-`nC..C.tb1a isn't a good time to talk to bim . .he's very .upset . .,Suppose you tell me what it is . DON ; Well . . .it's about the quartet . . .They wonIt be able to appear .,qn .tho program Sunday. . . . . MARYt ,:JfA'~iytAn•ot? DON : Well Mary . .you might not believe thie . .but all the members of the quartet became fathers this morning ; Don . .Don . .you mean that each one of the four. MJJrl singers bad a- baby? DON : All except the baritone . .he bad twins . MARY: No ; Yes. ' DON . .between them they had five of the cutest babies you ever eaw . . .And Mary, youIil never guess what they've yemed tbem . MARY: What? DON ; L, 5, M, F, and Barcara . MARY: Barbara? DON : It wae a girl . . MARY: . .Well, that's Soglcal . . . . Iook Don, I'll go in and tell Jack ~bout St . - DON : Okay Mary, .thanks a lot . . .Goodbye : Goodbye . . MARY (SOUND : DOOR SM1TS„FOOTSTFPS) S fiTY{ 0 1 0310750 -7- MAR7(t . . . .Imagine all the singera in the qun .rtet having babies *F the same day . .R7istte wbat you.ball CloaeHarmony, .(IAIXNtS) Ob . .brother . .bag my gyes atid call me Fred Alleb . . . - ...... ~. . . . . , . . (SOUNDt DOOR OPENS), . . JACKs What took you so long, Mary7w ww ~• MARYt Vlowswommo lrb• A1t wae Don . .He aaid the quartet wontt be ob the broadcast Sunday . . JACKe Oh fine . .everytffipg happens to me, . MARYO Well, they couldn't help it, Jaok . .their wives ffi1 had babiestheeame day . . .And you'll never guess what the baritonAte wlfe had : JACKt Unless it's an Osoar, I'm not interested . - M ARY! She had twins . . . . But Jack, what are you goLpg to do about a quartet for the broadcast? JACKt I don't lmow . .It'a a fine time for them to have children . . why couldn't they have transcribed them for release at a more convLOient time . .anyway, I've .got enough to worry about without 'AUhequartetr: GREAT.- ' ROCHe SAY BOSS, I GOT A IDEA . JACK : What? ROCH, 80ME FRIENDS OF MINE ARE MAKING A PERSONAL APPEARANCE HERE IN T(7WN AND N4YBE THEY'D COME OVER AND HELP YOU OUT . JACK , Who are they, Rochester4 ROCH ; THE INKSPOTS, . . S H TH 0 1 0310?51 17 MARY: The Inkepote kTheyd would be wonderful . . :Do you think :they!ddo It, Rochester7 ROCH : SURE, IILL CALL THEv1 AND HAVE'PIEJ BERE IN AFEN MINOTSS . JACK ; Oood . .use the pttone in the hall .- . . ROCHt YES SIR . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS . .CLOSFS . . . . FOOTSTEPS) ROCH : I BEtTER CALL TEEM RIGHT AWAY SO THEY CAN-- : DOOR BUZZEfi) .(SOUND ROORt V bR9. . .BEPPER ANSWER 'Pf E DOOR FIRST . . (SOUND : FGGTS'PEPS . .DOOR OPENS) PHIL : Hello /loheater, fe t•he Master of the Motropolous at home? ROCH : YEAH . . COW IN NIIt . HARRIS .,YOU'LL FIND FIItA1 IN THE LIHRARY BUP HE1S FEELING MIGHTY LOW . PHIL : Well, It's a good thing I oame over-- I'll oheer him up . . .I'll go In there and throw some of that Harris sunxhine on him and bring back .the bloom to thosewlthered old oheeke . . .See you later, 1~,~--K- , p (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS) y{+- PHIL : ^ Hi'ya Livvy, you dream doll : MAZ2Y: (LAUGHINGLY) Hello Phil . PHIL : (WAY iP) Hiya Jackson . JACK : (DOWN) Hello, hello . - S 8 rx 01 031 0 752 -9 - j, PH1L= Hey Jackeon, did you bear the one about the two sparrows r h o were arguing on the pump andone of them kept flying off the handle? (IAWH3 IT UP) . JACK : (DCWN) Hummm: : Em, looks like. PHIL the emog 18 moving In on that*Harrie Sunshine . JACK : . . . .Look Pni1 . .I'm IDv no mood for jokes . . MARY: That's right, Phii . .Jack's-feeling pretty bad . . .Cn the way home last night he was held up . . PHIL : Well, that's nothing to beasbamed of . .I been held up'many times on my way_home . ' JACK : , P}QL, _ I,WAS HCBBID . . . . Now, what did you come oVer here for? PHIL ; AIMN• Jackson, I'm figurin' on buyin' a small .rancl; . .and I got most of the dough, but I need a little more to swing the deal . I was kinda wonderin' i{' you'd lend me ten thousand dollars . JACK : Mary, .tell him I'm tAe•hi`o ej .....l.Q. •~ : PHIL : Aw, ?AjWnait a minute^ .I dontt like askin' you, but I went to the bank, and they turpsd me down . . .now if you turn me .do:m ~t{oo, we1L :,~,I'il~l .r,},•'~11~,{ust have to go to Alice : A -Phil, I'd like to help you, but -- PHIL : JACK ; Look, Jackson, I ain't askin' you to giva me nothin' . . .Wa'll make it a regualr business deal like when you loaned me money before . . .I'11 sign papers for the loan !R pay you interest and everything . S 6 TYlO1 031075 3 •..l~v+ -00- JACKr Well . . .are youA~ling to put up security? . . . . " PHIL: Yeah, but not like last time . .we missed the kids . JACK : All right, Phil -- . . . , (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) . JACK : I'll have my bueiness manager draw up the papers and---ROCH : EXCUSE ME FOR INTERRUPTINC, BOSS . .B9t .MR. RONAIi1 COU7AN CALLID . . JACK: Oh no! . ROCH : OR YGg . . . HE SAID Rg'S HAVIli6 OUESTS FOR DINNffit AND WANTS YOU TO REPURN HIS OSCAR Ihri1FDIATELY . . .(SHOFT PAUSE) . . . . .Phil, you better. MARYC go get the money from Alice . JACK : Now Ronnie wants his Oscar back . .thie is .the last stsaw . .btnxy, you know what I'm going to doR, MARY: Not now, Jack, a gun is so noisy and I've got a splitting headache : I don't mean. JACK that . . . . I'm going tc check a list of all the people who ever won Oscars, and maybe borrow one of them so I can : give it to Ronnie till I get his back . MARY: Say, that sounds like a pretty good idea . . .Let's see,~.last year the Oscara were won by Frederic March and Olivia Do Havilland . JACK : Well, that won't he1p . .Freddy's out of town . .and Olivia hasn't talked to me since I put too meoh starohin her dollies . . .Who else is there? PHII .e Well Ray Milland won an Oscar .JV4i. .tgNAT A PICTURE! . S 8 1'X 0 1 0310754 -ll- MARY= Yeah . .and so did Joan Crawford and Loretta Young . .snd Big ,J.ppIWoeby and-- JACK : AThat's it, Mary . .he's the one . .Bing Croeby ...I did him a big favor . .I was on his ebpw aoouple of weeks ago and itien't eaey to be on .his show . .tbe.needle soratahes . .S'm going over to see Bing right away aM ask him to lend me his 0scar . MARYi Okay Jack, I'll drive you there . .I have my car .right outside . JACK: Good good . : DOOR BUZZER) . . . (SOUND . JACK: H®.,now who can that be? . ROCH : I'LL GEP IT, BOSS : COUPLE. (SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS . .DAOR OPENS) ROCH : 'NEId,, .FH;[SA GENTLIIvMN .,COME RIGHT IN . . .tEY BOSS . .BOSS . . : Yeah . . JACK ROCH ; IT'S THE INKSPOPS . . JACK : The ;nksnots . (APPL4USE1 ~ JACK : i Hello follows . THREE : Hello, Mr . Benny . BARITGN3, M ighty glad to meet you . JACK : , Tkhank you . ROCH ; NOW GENTLII.W , AS I TOID YOU OVER TEE PHONE, NIIi . BENNY'S QCARTEP CAN'T BE ON THE PROORAM NEXT WEEK AND HS ' D LI KE TO : HAVE YOU DO A NUMBER FOR HIM ON THE OW 8UNDAY.$ S At3l 0 1 0 310755 TIQiEE ; We ' d be very happy to . , . ' BAHTTCAE : YeAO . .very happy . JACK : Good good . .Well follows, I was just leaving, so could I hear the number rigbt now4 . . .Do you happen to imow "If I Didn ' t Care"4 . . . . BARITONE : Do you ow s'Love Sn Bloom"? ~ JACKs Oh . .ob .j,. aee what you mzan . .Well, go ehea8 boys . .let's have it . RTYS01 0310756 -23- QUArrr s IF I D'.DN'T CARB, WOUID IT BE THE SAME? . WOULD MY EVERY PRAYER BEGIN ANI) EPID WI'1'H JCST YOUR NAME? AND WOUID I BE SURE THAT THIS IS IAVE BE40lN COMPARE WOULD ALL T$IS BE TRUE, IF I DIDN'T CARE FOR YOU? BARI'TONE : IF I DIDN'T CARE, . ]F I DIDN'T CARE WHAT I SMOKED, BABY, ~ I'D SMOILE ANY I{IIdD OFA CIOARETTE . BUT I DO CqRE, HONEY CHILE, THAT/S WHY I SMOKE UJCKY STRI KE S . I SMOKE LUCKY STRIKES 'CAUSE AECORDINC TO THAT CROSSLEY POLL THEY'RE FIRST CHOICE, BABY, YOU WANTA KNOW SOMEPHIN' EfSE, HONEY CHILE? ._ THEY'RE SO RCUND, SO FIRM, SO FULLY PACIED, SO FREE AND EASY ON TI M DRAW, THAT'S RIOHT, BABY, J)"w"wRomm"mw, QUART : L S M F T, WHAT A CIGARETTE! L S M F T, THE VERY BEST TAAT YOU CAN GET . OF ONE TfRZ7C I'M SURF,THAT THEY ARE FINR BS40PID CODIPARE . THEN THIS MUST BE TRUE, UJCKIES ARE TRE SMORE FOR YOU . (QUALITY OF F80DUCT 18 ESSENTIAL TO SUCCESS) (APPL4USE) . flT 8 01 0 31075 7 y1 ~ (SECOND ROUTINE) .JACK : Fellows,n hat t was absolutely wonderful, 4ll .can't wait till you do it on the show . . THREE : Thank you, Mr. Benny ...... BARITONE : Yeah, thanks verymuch ~ , ,q.~ . ' . . . . , JACK : . . .er . . .Rochester,n oomce•~hwe~rea minute . . ROCH : YFS SIR . . D : (WHISPERING) How^`"mFac'„h~are they gonna charge. JACK me to be on my show? ' - . . ROCH : (WHISPERS) WHY BOSS, THEY SAID AS A FAVOR TO ME, THSY'D GO . ON YOUR SHCW FOR NOTHING . JACK : For nothing? . .Why, I wouldn't think of .it•n,rT~hat'~s ridiculous : .Go in tPhe kitchen and fix them some sandwioT :~h ' ROCH : HEE HEE fiEE .,THAT'S WHATI I.ffiE ABOUT YOU7q.WFID3 IT CO[vIIsS T0 . GUEST STARS, BREAD 15 NO OBJE(7P . JACK : Yeah yeah . .Come on Mary, drive me over to Crosby's . (TRANSITION MUSIC) (SOUND : CAR MOTOR UP AND DOWN) ~ .~ JACK : Mary,-tYYe is Bing Crosby's house si @Miws on the left . Just pull into the drivewayA and . : I can't, Jack . . .there's a sign .,it. NARY says "$eep Driveway Clear, Truoks Loading ." . 41L. JACK : Hm. .he must be se2ding\~money to the bank . .Well, toot the horn and we'll see if he'e home, (SOUND : AUTOHORN .,(OFF) wZNDG4Y UP) JACK : Oh, there's Bing in the upstairs window . Rrx 01 031075 e -15- BING : (OFF) HEY„WHO'S THAT HONKING IN C-SHARP? . (APPIAUSE) MARY : JN }IEf,LO, BING ...... BING : ~~ M4HY, .WELi., THIS IS A PLFASANT SURPRISE . .COME"UP TO THE FRONT DOORSIM I'LL LET YOU IN : WIND(N! DCWN) MARY . (SOUND : Come on, Jaek . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS) ; Now .remember. .you just can't oome right. M4RY out and ask him to lend you his Osoar . .Be a little subtle about it . JACK : I know, I know . .Watcb these steps, 6b : DOOR OPENS) BING .ry, ~, (SOUND : (HAPPY) HELLO MARY, COM1E RIGHT IN AND . . . . (DClMJ) Oh, Jack's with you, .(and I ran all the way .) . JACK : What? BING : Come on in, aome on JM (SOUND : DOOR CLOSES) BING : I hope you folks'1l forgive the way I'm dreseed „ I wasn't expecting anybody or I'de,~dressed up, . JACK : yUM .that shirt you've got on looks like Finnian's Rainbow . . .especially with that pot on the end of it . w fiiY{ 0 1 0310759 . B1N13 ;~I it'e rmanored you're pretty funny on the air, toW o . . .yM let's not discuss one's alleged talent in the entran 11 .,1.This is the first time you'vebeen to this - houser .Did lyvhouthave any trouble finding .it? JACK: No no, I,7ust followed my nose . ~ , ~ ~ ~ ~ BING : Hope trled that once ~wouni up on Mt, Wileon . .a-l.n+'~ -"^^`V d SACK: We11111,A-itAe rwnored 9oylrp pretty funny o,t a air, too . BING : Say, you're pretty fae .t-w ~,.'tAVhepSid lib„,all you have to do is hear it onoe~ JACK : Yes, yes . .You know, Bing, we were just driving by and thought we'd drop in for a sosial visit, MARY : (WHISPERS) Jaok . .get to the point . .but be subtle . , JACK : (WHISPERS) Leave it to me . .(UP) Bing, how about showing us the house . .you know, take us into the den . .or do you keep , your Oscar yq another room? BING : 4* Osear?^bh'GVve got that in the trophy room . JACK : ~oal . r.. .,-cw,- ~ ~oC. .Pru<'r BING : 4M if you insist on seeing the den,A~ ahow it to you . JACK : Ho no, Bing, we'd rather see the-- -, - BING : ~ Hight-through this door . . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS) . M4RY : Gee, what a beautifU7l den . JACK : Well . .we've been here long enough, .let's go,4r the trophy room . w arx 01 0 370760 -17- NARY : Oh Jack„look at that picture on the mantlepleoe . . .Bing, are thoee your c);ildren? ' , BING : Yes, those ar ~e~y~.four boys . The two on the end are twins . JACK : . Twins? Wel1,S~iit~T a ooincldenoe . This morning my bsritoneb wife had-an Osoar .- - MqRYt Jack . . .Bing, it muet be wonderful having four children, . By the way, where's Dixie?BING : Oh, she had to go to the hospital . : What? '. MARY BING : (FAST) To visit her cousi6. : Bing, are you suro it isn't . JACKthe stork? , BING : Posicive . .Ilve got him-~ winw mg trophy room, - JACK : . Well, let's go see himGNl'veR•nwemve~r seen a stuffed Oscar-- I mean stork . BING ; Okay . .just follow me . . (SOUND : PHONE RINGS) BING : Excuse me s minute . JACK : Hmmm . (SOUND : RECEIVER UP) BING : Hello . . . . . Well, he11o, .,Fancy hearing from you . ., .Suro I want you on my show . .I've been expeoting you for a long time . . . .How long will it take you to get here? . . . . Two days? , . .Well good . .I'll meet you at the traln . . .Goodbye : RECEIVER DOWN) .(SOUND JACK ; Who was that? BING : Rudolph Shmoehopper . . .It'11 take him a couple of days to !, get here . w R 1' xo 1 o 31 0 761 JACK : Where .does he live? . . . BINGi Doo Wah Ditty about JACK : More people oome from there . .Now Bing, how going to the trophy room7 BING : Oh yes, the trophy room . . .Right down this hall . , . . (SOUND: F'GGTSTEPS) BING : Here Mary, I'll lift you over . M4HY : No mW, I'11 just walk around him . : Hram . .fine place for a horse to sleep . .I can't understand. JACK why a-- ME[. : (WHIMJE'YS) (SOUND : FOUR HORSES HOOVES) JACK : (OFF) BING . .I WAS STEPPING OVFR HIM AND HE GOT UP . . .HELP ME OFF . BING : Don't worry, Jackson, he can't stand up long . JACK : What? ` (SOUND: BIG BODY THUD) JACK . : r"Ix` ~QIG,.ess you're right . . .poor old thing . BING : /, The veternarian said he was gonna die yesterday, but none of my horses finish on time . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) BING : Well, here we are, kids . . .here's the trophy room . MARY : Jack, look at all the heads mounted on the wa11 . . .Gosh Bing, you sure must have done a lot of hunting . JACKC Yeah, what's that big head over there7 MARY : Yours, you're looking in the mirror . RTY401 031 O?62 ~' (REVISED) - 19 - ti JACK, No, no, I mean the one vith the brown eyes . . . That big head over there . ' BING : That's a moose . ' MARY : Well, what's the small one? BING : A mouse . . : No . JACK : Yes,. ' BING sir . . shot the mouse in Wyoming and caught the moose under the icebox . . Yououghts try hunting, Jackson . .very gay . . very exciting : You didn't expect that . JACK one to got anything, did you? Surprised the vhole joint, didn't it? BING : Big game hunting is very exciting, Jaakeon . You ought to try St . . especially the big game . MARY : Bing, the only big game that Jack's interested in is a buffalo and it has to be on a niokel : Mary . . JACK MARY : He traps them with one finger in a telephone slot . JACK : Well, it ain't easy, sister . . . Well, Bing, this Se really a beautiful room . . . I never saw so many . . . Wait a minute . . . Say, Bing, why have you got that picture of Frank Sinatra on the wall : The kids throw. BIN6 darts at it : Oh . . I thought he had Chicken. JACK Pox . . . There now, Bing, let's see the trophies, v11l ya? BING : There they are . . right over there in the oabinet . JACK : Oh boy, look at all those oupsl MARY : What did you get them for, Bing? . BING : Well, I grabbed this cup for vinninga golf tournament at Lakeside . . and I got this one for vinning the Santa Anita ~ Handicap . JACK : Santa Anita handicap? What horse? ATYSU1 0310763 -20- BING : No horse, 4 lran W myself . .paid .eix-nlnety ., . , : AYt oh ~, ,e,~, . , _. ., ~,d+. A.e.a.~, r . CK : 9 y Bi4:g, whatf/+e~tWha~t°,little tin,p cup o the end? ' BING : That'e not a oup, that's a thimble . . . .With four kldsy~ gotta do a lot of sewing : Yes yes . - , JACK ' - BING : And you see this one here .I got this when I got married . . MARY: When you got married? . ,j ~~ .Y .wtt4--- BING : Yga it's a DSxi Cup,., . HA FW 1N .,yi,l'~~ de~ JACK : Oh brother . .Well look, Bing . .the trophy that I'm most inte:rested in is the Oscar you won for ."Going My Way ." MARY : Yes, we'd love to see that one, Bing : Oh, the Oscar .AY=,'why didn't you say. BING so . .,I'11 get it for you . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . KNOCK ON DOOR) BING : (OFF) iW, LINNIE .:Y Wk *YOUIN TBERE't JOFINNYe (OFF) YFAH, POP, PlHAT DO YOU WANT? BING : YOU'LL HAVE TO GIVE NQ~: MY OSCAR, JOHNNY : I CANiT NON, I'M TAKING A BATH . BING : OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, WHY DON'T YOD USE SCNIEPHING ELSE FOR A STOPPER? JACK : Bing . .You let your son use the Oscar for a stopper in the bathtub? . .That's terrible. DING : Yeah . .it's always wet when I want to crack nuts with it . Jt A ~..w..dSr. Rrx 01 0310764 l1, -Z1- JACKi Hum .AI'm really anxious to see the Osoar, Bing, but we can wait till your boy getsthrough with his bath He'll be through in a mlpute . . BING M4AYi Say B1ng, tani7.e we i re waiting, how about singing asong for ub : Oh, Mary,4 JACK Bing doesn't want to sing: BING : I do, too„What would you like to hear, ldsry : ARYt ;~B 4 MARY BING: A I'll txy out a newnee ou oalled °llaunted Heart" . .It's ~~ :M you il 11 e it. J«c.~, ..( w:w .6 n-!y'~~+o ./ Y Q~.. .., (APPiAA3E)X~, A," •74+wa 171 (BING'B BONG . ."HAUNPID HPAHP") o~ I (APPIAU3E ) w Rrxa1 0310765 (THIIAD ROUTINE) Gee Bing, that eong wae beautiful . . n Thanks . ;. Mat :y:~ F. ' -(SOUND :-DOOR OPENg)' BINO : ; If you want, I'll sing a oodplemore ...... JOEINNY : HEY POP, WHY DON'T YOU GIVEUP4 . (uLVYD: DOOR 8IAM8) BING : Hmm. .the other three put b]m up to AW M4RY : Say Bing, look . . .your son brought out the Oscar and put it on . the table ...... - . . ., JACK : Yeah . .Gee, doesn't that Oscar look wonderful ., :Now Bing, I might as well get right to thepoint . .Iim in an awfulepot . . , . I'vejust got to borrow your Oscar for a little while BING : Well look, Bub, if you need an Oscar, inetead of going aroimd trying to borrow one, go ffike a picture aMiwin one . JACK : Hey, I never thought of that . . .But Bing, St'e too late for that . .I need it now . .You can't make a picture in one day . BING : Thd'took longer on "The Horn Blows At Midnight"? JACK : Yes, I was sick a couple of days . .it took almost a week^ .But Bing, look . .I just want it for a few days . .Illl give it right back to you : But, ack what'e the. BiNG dea Why do you need an Oscar all of a sudden7 JACK : Well . : Jack, why. M4Ey don't you tell him the truth . .tell him what happened . f3 iYfO 1 0310 76 6 -23- JACKd - All right, I wi11 . .You eee Bing, .I was overat Ronald Col~n's house and he let me borrow h19 ' Osoar .totake to my house to show Rochester . I was wslking bome oarrying the Oecar (FADE) when suddenly aeip ;eter looking osnn stopped out of the hedge . . . (SCUHD ; THI2EE FOGI'S1'EPg) EDDIE : Hey B:ri . .Bud . ~ . JACK : HUH't . (SCUDID : F0G16TEPS STOP) . IDDIN : A ot a matoh? : Yes, . I've got one right here-- . JACK . IDD1E : DCN'T bY.iE A MOVE, THIS IS A STICK-UP! JACK : What? - MELI YOU IffEAI2D HIM. .THIS IS A STICK-UP . JACIlC : OR, 'PM!G OF YOU, HUH? YCU'14tIHIC YGU'RE SCARING ME WITH THOSE GUNS . .I'LL MAIU; YOU FAT IO td AND SPIT CUT BUIdk7TS . MEL: Hey. Pete, this guy'e pretty tough. .we better call the rest • of the gang : Yeah . .(WHISTIF. EODIE .S) ALL RIGHT MRN, CCME CN . .WE RFW HELP . (SOUND : LOTS OF M4RCHING FEET) JACK : OH, THER~E~'F-E'-TEN OF YOU, EH? . .WELL, IT LOOKS I11~ I'LL HAVE TO TARRrMY CW 4~ EDDIE : Now look Mister, we don't want no trouble with you . .We've got guns . MEL: And band grenades . RTYS01 0310?67 -24- JACK : SO WHAT7 . .YGO CAN'T S(+IAE MB .,I I IL 7 W ON YOUR WECIS CU'iNIT . (MUSIC S7YtRTS) ~ (SOUND: FISTS . .6UNS . .B(:MBB. : .AIRPIANEB DIVIlIQ AND . . 8TRAFI+ISIp . .BDIS$TS PLYIN6.. . . .M4GHINE GUNS, . .- , _ ' . . - ETC .) , (EVPH1^ff@]U SI7FnYT) . . . • . . . • JACK : ~Bing,when the whole thing wae over, I knooked out all their mev but one ._ . _ IWINW• ro . . , . . . - . . . R . ~ . . .. : ~ ( RTH01 0310768 5 nrmy Day and the theme ie "A `strwg Amarioa is a 1 America", and this event ie to remind ue . be regular Army is our Army and requiresr . ing and .support Of . every loyal citizen . ormatlw abwt the Army's ace time a s esn behadfrom. . yo~a' nearest. Army Pub rmqtiw Officer . TLank you . APPIAUSS) Arxa I 0310769 JACK C -C064fEA~0IAL APRII. 4, 1948 - PROGRAM NO . 27 . . -D- RUYSDAEL : INDEPENDF.NT TOBACCO EXPERTB - . . AGAIN NAME LLCKY BTRIKE - FIRST CHOICEI -LUCKY STRIISE - FIRST CHOICE, CVER ANYOTHERBRATIDI Ridp4a (cRANT 57 to 59 AMERICAN) ' . : The famous Crossley Poll has just completedan impartf. LAING .al survey in eleven southern tobacco states . This Poll - taken among tobacco experts - reveals the smoking preference of the men who really know tobacoo . : For their own personal smo]Gng enjoyment -, . Yes- RUYSDAEL . L`IILPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS - AGA,'N NAME LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE! LUOKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANYOTNRR HRANDI LAING ; These are the experts -auctioneers, b :yyere,and ' warehousemen - and we believe their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationehip .to the quality tobacco we purchase for LucMes . . RViCSDAEL: You've heard the Poll results - now listen to what Mr, Floyd Clay, veteran warehouse owner from Kentucky, recently said : VOICE : Up through the years I've seen American buy tobacco thatls ripe and mild . . . tobacco with real flavor and mellowness . I've smoked LuoWes 17 years . 8o for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment - remomber- I3 -DF`3' LS - M8T Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, mo firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw . FiT 80 1 031077 0 ATX01 0310?71 AMERICAN TOBACCO CO1dPANY ~ LUCKY STRIKE THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM SUNDAY, APRIL 11 . 1948 NBC 4e00 - 4 aQ Pj~PST PALM SPRINGS . CALIFORNIA 19 1'fS01 0310772 I THB JACK BENNY PROGRAM ' I . ;1 ' OPENSNG CGIASERCIAL - APRIL .31, 1948 - PROGRAHNO .'28 ; LAING : THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM '- .ures .ented .by LUCV STRIKE! . RICGS : (CHANT - 57 TO 59 - AMERICAN) LAING : - Lucky Strike-,and Lucky Strike alone - otfers you . imooitant evidence gathered in the totacco country .by the world-famous Crossley-Poll . This'evipence reveals the smoking preferenoe of,auctioneersqbiWers and wareAousemen - the men who really know tobacco . Here's what the Crossley Poll found : RUYSDAEL :For their own oersonal smoking enioyment .= - INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS - AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHGICE! - _ LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER BRAND! LAING : These experts know their business . Their overwhelming oreference for Lucky Strike , we believe , has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for . Luckiea and to the real, deeo-downsmoking en j oyment you may expect from j,Lpg tobacco . And when these . veteran tobacco exoertsname LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE for their own uersonal smoking enjoyment, then you ]cy!ig RUYSDAEL : LS - MFT . LS - MFT : Lucky Strike means fine to ligeco - and fine. LAING tobacco is what counts in a cigarette . So smoke the smoke tobacco . experts smoke - Lucky Strike! Remember .- RUYSDAEL : INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS - AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE = FIRST CHGICES - LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER BRANDI RT9S01 0310773 r (FIR3Y ROUTINE) . . . ' . . . (AFTER COM6ERCIAL . .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) nONSFROM PALM SPRINGS CALIFORNIA . .THE LUCKY-STRI$E PROGRAM, -~ . STARRING JACK BENNY ., .WITH MARY LIVINGSTONES''PHILHAREIS, • ' HOCHE$TER4 DENNIS~DAY, AND'40URS TRULY" DON WILSON .MN3IC UP.ANDDOWN) . (APPLAUSE, : AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE BRING YOU THE STAA OF OUR- SHOW, . DON .TOUGHENED BY THE DFSERT .WIND . .j,q= BYPHN DESEHT ' SUN• .AND FRIGHTENED BY THE DESERT PRICBS . .sJACK BENNY . (APPLAU$E) _ , . - . . . talking.•And Don,I'm not the least-bit ftighteneJd,Ny the nrices here in Palm Springs,,,After all, this 1 .6 a resort, and when you're on a vacation, you exueot~ti ~let yourself go and have a good time . DON : But Jack, don't you think the hos bere ghg rather exnenslve? JACK : Not a bit, Don, considerin`g'what you get• .Those are just F jokes that comedians m ue . .High arlcea• .It's ridiculous . . X. Why, you take the P m Springs Biltmore, the El Irisado, the Racquet Club, an the Desert Inn . .Why, they're the last word in swank and 1 ury . .It's worth twice as much as they charge . DON : Oh, T /agree th you, Jack . .By the way, you're stopping at . the Deser Inn, aren't you? . JACK : No . .No on,,,I have a lovely room at-- DON : The acquet Club? . . JACK : • .No Don .•I'm living at the-- DON) The Biltmore? - , 11 TX 01 0310774 JACF: : The BSltmoreR ;,No . .NO-DOn; .I have a lovely room a - Gitchy Goomy 6fotel . .It!s a little bit aut ci town wne, not quite so crowded . . - DONe I Gitchy .,Goomy . .Note17 JACK : Yes : .it's run by .a fellow nagtedHiawatha a feather in his hair, but I .doubt .the However, come to .think of it , Don , Full blooded : too . ' DON : Indian bellboys? .dACKs 'Yeah . .and whata novelr4y they have of getting you u9 . :I left-a-call for sev •o'clock this morning-and one of them came in and hi e on the head with a tomahawk . .darn near scalped me DON : By the y : Jack, I don't remember easeing the Gitchy Goomy Mo . Where is it locat JACK : road that leads to-- (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : Pardon me . Don . .COME IN . . (SODND : DOOR OPENS) , IMIE : Mr . BennyT JACK : Yes . UKIE : On behalf of the Chamber of Commerce : I want to take this oonortunlty to welcome you to this desert aaradlse . JACK : Well, thank you very much . .By the way, I don't want to get nersonal : but how did you hanoen to lose your hair? UKIE : I left a call for seven o'clock . . (SOUND: DOOR SLA6S) JACK : Hmm . .with that tomghawk still in his head ; he looks iike a rl ALSo t~1 :2 ~ vi .e YIfE {.A-S1 or~ Tne 9lleNwNFkANL sundlal . . .WhatJwas that you were asking, Don? ATYl01 031 U 7? S located? JACKt . Oh, the CStchy Goomy? . . :Well, here's how you get there, Don, .You know the street right back here :.the one that lends , to Cathedral City? - Oh, it's this side of .Cathedral City . No no, Don„you go through Cathedral City . . .and then you know how the road curvesgoes onuut to Indio7and ~E~. DGN : Indio? Why, you're not living way over in InAio, are you4- : No Don . you go throueh Indio : .you Ydu stay.on SEE ~/~uHighwaySTAyJACK Sixty-six and the only delay is when they stop you-at the Arizona Border . .You kpow, for olant ineoection . DON : D~l My goodness, Jack, you mean to tell me that while we're all in Palm Sorings, you're living way out in Arisona7- JACK: Sand is sand, I'm still on the desert . .,WspDon, I told+pdIz, .-. Well, look who's here : Hello, everybody . : ' MARY (APPLAUSE) JACK : Well ; Hello, : DON bfary . MARY : Hi, Don . . JACK : Hello, Mary . MARY: iYYIF Jack, what are ~oq doing in town? . JACK: I came in with a safari . .What am I doing in town, . MARY: Why didn't you stay in Beverly Hills? That's closer to Palm Springs than where you're living now . JACK : I couldn't stay in Beverly Hills because I sublet my house, 61ARY: Gh fine, he's here for five days and he sublets his house . RTX 0 1 0310??6 ' .JACKe I may be here'for fourtoen ;deys . .who knowe .", .-p `6fARY : You even look'for a tenant when you go out to lunch : ;, :JACK :- Now you're reaching,sister . '. ;L ClN : . Say Mary-, you look wonderful toda dress you're wearing . , hARY: G' :Doyou likeit, Don? I.,N:I certainly do . .What's I MARY : . Twenty dollar .bills. -JACK : Twenty dollar bills?What .gave you that idea4 .1.7njIPC • I went into a storehea8 .tobuya dress and .3twss-cheaper to sew the money'togethez . V ue srm 'JACK :Chfor . .You see Don,nwhat did I tell you? Everybody ' B gotta - make ~okes about the high prices . . .Hy the way , Mary * where are you staying? . MARY : At the Racquet C1ub . .You know, that's run by .CharYie Farrell . he used to be a big movie star . JACKC I know, I know . - - MARY : Gosh . .Charles Farrell . .I'11 never forget him in "Seventh Heaven ." . JACK : Neither will he . . .Anyway--DON : Say Mary, since you're staying at the Racquet Club, how about you and I playing some tennis? MARY : Chl I'd love to, Don, but it's been so windy lately . JACK : It sure has . .especially yesterday . ' MARY : (LAUGHS) DON : What're you laughing at , Mary? . . . MARY : Jack and I were walking down the street and it was so windy I put my hair in a bandanna and Jack put his in his pooket . RTH 0 1 0310777 (ELDCKING) Put Sn his Pocket, put in his pocket . .Wary,`etop . . with the jokes . I came to Palsi Springs for rest and reYaxa- tion . You came to, Palm Springa,beoause you can't face BonaldColman Look-- 06 the waY . Jack . have you done anrthinz about it?? i Don I don't know what I'mgoing to do :but atleaet~whlle I'm down here, I want to relax and try to forget .about it . . . You know, it isn't my fault'thatEVf rej' - DENNIS : Hello, EQrr . Benny . .Hello, everybody. JACK : Well, Dennis . (APPLAUSE) 9 a uNiS JACK : Dennis, you came in here j ust Ssz.q sV YO---Dennis, .where did you get that cowboy suit? - DENNIS : It used to belong to the roughest, toughest bronco buster in theWest ...... 15a1'- .`..E ;-+ .' .~. ..u,cTirTi/. ; :~~• _ .~sTr-r2 JACK• Who's that7 .,-1 .-'7- 2r~ DENNIS : My mother . JACK : Your mother? DENNIS : Yeah, she used to sing bass with the Sons of the Pioneers . JACK : Oh, attd-she gave you that cowboy suit, eh? DENNIS : Yeah . .and I'm glad I've got it, too, because I've been doing , a lot of horseback riding . . MARY : Dennis, I didn't know you could ride a horse . DENNIS : Oh sure . .the only trouble is when the horse 1s running along, the spurs make him nervous . : Well Dennis, maybe you didn't fasten the straps:JACK tight-enough when you put the spurs on your ankles . . Rr 801 03107?8 DENN I S : . . . ONNFDI . . . )M ANKLES : JACK : Oh, for heaven's sake . . ' DON : By the way, Dennis „where are you-staying?-~ DENNIS : u 11, living with Mr . Benny, over the hills anq far apay . . JACK : That's right, he's with me dt the-Gltchy Goomy Hotel ; .It's,• ~ - nice there,isn't it, Dennis?~ . . ; ~ - . . - DENNIS : I'11 sayt .,We saw a swell movie in Phbenix•laet night : •JACK: We made it.in no.time . : tdARY : Jack, I know the-Gitchy Goomy JMiOY is Sn• Arisona, but why • . go all the eay to .Phoenlx to .see a movi,e? DENNIS : We were goingthere anyway , that's where the washroom ie . JACK : Dennis . ' ' DON : Jack, isn't it lonesome living so far•fromeverybody? JACK : No no, we like to rough it, - DENNIS : We've even got Indian bellboys . JACK : . Yeah . DENNIS : Gosh, am I lucky, .I told them to wake me uoat seven o'clock this morning and I didn't even feel it . JACK : 'Nell Dennis, you're the only guy I knowVho sleeps with his hat on. . .Now how about singing your song? DENNIS : Okay, (SOUNDt KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK :Hold it . .COME IN . - (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) BAGBY : Telegram for Jack Benny . , MARY : I'll take it . . . JACK : Say buddy, you've got a little more hair than thebther fellow that was here, haven't you? . M rx 01 0 31 0 ??9 'BAGBY: Yeah, I left a cali for seven-thirty . (SOUND• DOOR SLA85) rrlE , . JACK :He looks like Phil's piano playerA .AmaLing . .he can't re OaR GK`JMMErt Hoyts 41~ N~GOFNN music-but he can read 13nes . . . . Who's the wire from , No*4 p'o a JACK : Fred Allen? What does he say? . MARY : He says : ."DEAR JACK . .JUST HEARD YOU'RE-IN PALM SPRINGS . . (LAUGHINGLY) BUT WHEN I TOLD YOU TO GO TO ANARNQ3R CLIMATE, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MB.ANT ." JACK : He probably meant Banning . . . .Go ahead and sing, Dennis . (APPLAUSE)' (DENNIS'S SONG . ."I'N LOOKING OVER A FOUR-LEAF CLOVER") '(APPLAUSE) F1 T}(01 037078 0 (SECOND ROUTINE) ; JACK : That was "I'm Looking~ Over a Four Leaf Clover" eungby Donnis' Day . . .And Dennis, youwere .in vety good forc :. This dry_ desert air is marvelous for your tonslIs ." . ~"".DENNIS : I haven't got any tonslls ." .: JACK : . Oh, I didn't know that . . . AND NOW LADIESAND GENTLEMBN-- DENNIS : I had 'em taken out about three years ago . . . ~od D)o JACK : . Oh. . .Oh I see . . .AND NOW LADIFS,AND .GENTLBIR"N-- DENNIS : You're not mad, are you? ~/ p,NHAaE ' " " JACK : j(Q,. .No, you can haveA your ~ tonsils out if you want to„,t had . mine .sninped, too . . .and by a wonderfLldoctor, . ' ._ . . MARY : Doctor nothing, Rochester took'em out . JACK : He did not . I finally wound ua eoine to the doctor .. .,You know •that, : Well, you were considerlneRochester. MARY . JACK : Oh, considering : . . . I asked him if he knew how, that was all . . . .Isn't it amazing Don, all I said to Dennls vas . ."This . desert air is wonderful for your tonsils," and look at the / routine I got into . . . . Dennis, go sit down„And Mr . Merrick, before we continue, I want .to thank you for conducting the orchestra . MAHLON : You're welcome ; AND NOW, LADIES . JACK AND GENTLEMEN-- MARY: Jack, isn ' t Phil going to be on the show today? . JACK : No Mary, that's why Phil's musical arranger, Mahlon Merrick, led the orchestra . .and if I say so myself, he did a very good j ob . MARY : But Jack, why did he use such a long baton? JACK : You know Mary, I thought it was aeculiar, too . . .OH, MR . tdERRICK? Rrx 01 0310?81 MAHLON : Yes . JACK : When-you conduct Phil Harris's boys, why do you use such a .- ]one stick? 31NiLON ~~in that way I can lead the .b6nd and shoo-the flies ofSnthem . at the same time . - JACK : Oh yes, the flies . .But Nr . Merrick, why don'tyouu do what Phil Harris does? YWhen he leads .the band, he waves a .~ horse4s tail . MAHLON : On him it looks good . - dNfS JACK :Cqa, * roads,ae well as the'plsno nlayer . . .AND NOW, LADYES AND GENTLEA'EN. .AS A TRIBBTE TO .PALN SPRINGS . .FOR 0BR FEATURE ATTRACTION TONIGHT WE .ARE GOING TO PRESENT AN ORIGINAL MYSTERY MELODRAMA ENTITLED "MURDER AT THE RACQUET CLUB" . .OR . ."HE TOOK HIS TENNIS RACQUET TO APSYCIIIATRIST BECAUSE IT WAS HIGH-STRUNOe . .,NOW„f' , LL PLAYTHE PART OF-- DON : By the way Jack, you come to Palm Springs quite often, why don't you join the Racquet Club? . JACK : Well, Don, the only reason I haven't"joined the Racquet . Club is because they don't take in actors : THEY DON'T TAKE IN ACTORS? . NARY : No . . JACK MARY : Don't tell me all that ham around there is just for sandwiches . - . ' JACK : All right, all right . . .Now look kids, we have a very long nlay to do se-- (SOUND: PHONE RINGS) JACK: Oh, darn it . .nothing but interruptions . ' (SOUND : RECEIVER UP) JACK : Hello . ATx 0 1 0310 7' 62 This is the LongDistance .operator from Beverly Hi1}s . I'11 take it ; . . . (SOUND : CLICK) JACK : Hello . . . ROCH :~ . HELLO , MR . BENNY , THIS 1S-ROCHESTFdi . ' (APPLAUSE) JApKt Oh hello, Rochester . .why did you call? . ~ROCH : - WELL . .THE CITY OF BEVERLY HILLS IS HAVING AN ELECTION NEXT : . TUESDAY . .APRIL'THIRTEENTH . . •~JACK : . I know . / 'ROCH : AND*THEY WANT TO USE YOUR GARAGE AS A POLLING PLACE .' JACK : A no111ng vlace? . ROCH : T3EY'LL PAYXTWELVE DOLLARS . JACK : Oh . ROCH: I TRIED TO GET FIFTEEN . .BUT IT SEEMS THEY HAVE A POLICY . JACK : Rochester . .that's . dlsgraceAd q dickering with the city officials . . .Why I'd have done it fornothing . (SOUND : SEVERAL FAST CLICKS OF PHONE) ROCH : OPERATOR, OPERATOR . .I HAVE THE .WRONG PARTY ; JACK : You have no : H¢L Rochester , will there be room in the garage for all those voting booths? ROCH : YEAH . .I LINED THE BENDIX WASHING MACHINES ALONO ONE WALL . . AND THE VOTING BOOTHS ALONG THE OTHER . .AND I ALREADY THOUGHT OF A GREAT SLOGAN . JACK : VVhat is it? . . ROCH : CAST YOUR VOTE AND LUX YOUR UNDIES AT THE SAME TIMESJACK : Oh . .well look, Rochsstert how is everyt~ing'at home? ROCH : WELL . .EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL LAST NIGHT WHEN Mffi . HARRIS CAME OVER AND THREN A PARTY . pr 801 0 31 07 83 JACK : You 1et Phil Harris throw a .aarty in ary house? , ROCH : OH, IT WASN'T MY FAULT,. .YOU SEE I WAS CLEANING THE FRONT WINDOWS WITH SOIL-OFF WHEN HR .,HARRIS AND SOME OF HIS FRIENDS DROPPED IN . . ~~ JACK : Uh huh. ~ . ROCH : I SAID, "HELLO GENTLEHEN", . .TiffiY NODDED, GRABBED 'IN6 BOTTLE . PDACE OUT OFMYHAND. .ANDLEVITY .TOOK W FROM THF1tE, .- _;1 r .LT FbC :rllNr'4/iC+AL- yr~tAr 5 A4i.. % A6.f' ' . JAGY. : '1'ney aranK SO11-DII . .LnaL•a nwiUL . ROCH : NAYBB SO . .BUT THEY'VE GOT THE CLEANEST HANGOVERS IN TOWN. . JACK : Oh, they have, eh?„We11, I'11 talk to Mr .~Harris~about St - when I get home . .Goodbye, Rochester . . . ROCH : GOODBYE . . .OH SAY, BOSS? JACK: Now what? ROCH : THERE'S A LOT OF ACTIVITY OVER AT MR . RONALD COLMAN'S HOLBE AND I THINK HE'S GOING TO SUE YOU FOR LOSINO HIS OSCAR . JACK : Oh my goodness . .what makes you think he's gonna sue me? ROCH : HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE LAW FIRN OF WORTHHEIHER, DONALDSON, FITZPATRICK, ELROY,AND MACARTHUR? JACK : Yes . ROCH : WELL, THEY'RE ALL HERE BUT MACARTHUR AND HE'S FLYING IN FROM JAPAN . JACK : Look Rochester g see if you can stall Mr . Colman for awhile and I'll try to think of something, ROCH : WELL, YOU BETTER THINK FAST, BOSS, NR, COLMANtS SO MAD HE'S PUTTING SLUGS IN YOUR BENDIX . JACK : Oh S{ ROCH : OH YF,S : . . HE HIT THE JACKPOT AND GOT GREER GARSON'S NIGHT- GOWN . RT 8 01 0310784 Rochester, don't worry me nbw. .I'll'callyou back later . . Goodbye . ROCH : GOqDBYE . - ,( (SOUND : RECEIVER-DOWN),- JACK: Gee :AI've just got to do something .: . MARY, :What's the matter :'Jack7 JACK : Ronald Colman's really upset about my losing hie Oscar,,,Re might even sue me . . MARY : Well, it's your own fault for, borrowing it, '`JACK : I guess so ..But Mary, it'samasinghovi'fate'works . :Rocheater wanted to see an Oscar . .I borrowed Ronald'dolman's . . .and because of that Greer.2 got-held ue and lost the Oscar Garson is going to be cold tonightr . . MARY : What are you talking about? ' ' JACKe Nothing, nothing , I'll tell you later . .We've gotta get on with the show . .All right . Don , introduce our tlay . . DON : Okay . . (FANFARE) DON : MIIRDER AT THE RACQUET CLUB. (TRUMPET MIMICS DON) . JACK : Mr . Merrick, that wasn't funny! MAHLON : A fly got in his trumnet : Oh.,oh . . .Go ahead, Don . . JACK : THE SCENE OPENS AT THE PALM SPRINGS POLICE. DON STATION . .CAPTAIN O'BENNY IS SITTING AT HIS DESK ATTIREDIN A SUN HELNET . TIN BADGE, AND SHORTS . . .CURTAIN . . .}GUIO .(MDSIC) Eir"N7 - . JACK.: (SINGS) I'M LOOKING OVER Adj1/t LEAF CLOVER THAT I OVER- LOOKED BEFORE, . .Gosh : I'm glad I got these new bifooals . . . (H061S) DA DA DE DA DA . DA DA Dk DA DA-- . RTXU1 031 0? 85 _(SOUND : PHONE RINGS) DENNIS : There's the phone, Chief . , JACK : I'll-get it 0'Day . , (SOUND : REqIVSI2 UP) - JACK :He11o . .Palm Springs Police Stationand Date'Shop . .Captain O'Benny speaking . . .Oh, itis you, Sergeant . .Whst's that4 ._. . You arrested two fellows . .We11y3et them loose . . . I know they're crooks, but this jail .is foi tourlsts . .I'm getting' twelve dollars a cell American Plan . We can catch crooks ~ . during the summer . . . Goodbye . (SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN) DON : Morning, Chief . JACK : Morning, 0'wilson . .How're things on your beat? DON : Marvelous, I sold forty pounda of dates . JACK : Good . .keep going like that and you'll .soon be a lieutenant . DON : Thank you , sir . .Is that better than a big fat Sergeant7 JACK : Yes . . .0'Day , where are you going with those lace curtains4 DENNIS : I though I'd make Cell Nine and Ten into a bridal suite . JACK : That's a good idea . .and put a canopy over the bunk . . .You know, if business-- (SOUND : PHONE RINGS) JACK : I'll take it . (SOUND : RECEIVER UP) JACK : Hello . .Palm Springs Police Station and Date Shop . .Captain O'Benny speaking . . . . . What's that7 . . .What4 . . Murder aj ~jI@ Racquet Club? ' DENNIS : Gee, that's the title of our play! RiH 0 7 0370786 Quiet you. . .Yes . . . .Yes, we'7.1 be right over . . (SOUND : RECP.IVER DOWN) . DON : What'® Ub, Chief? . JACK : Townsend Trueheart, the well-known'blaybo}'h9a beeq .• murdered . . .D'Wilson, get-the police oar . . Yes sir . And we better take along the Strong -arm Squad. . .0'Shannassey, . . 0'Mallory, O'Flannery,and OtWhat-A-PaLWae-$ary . . . . (hegets mad if I don't use his full name) . . .Are you ready, boys? . QUART : HEQ.04dMM . JACK : Good . .now come on, follows and I'm going to find the murderer of Townsend Trueheart or ryy-V= g}n't-- (HURRY MUSIC) QUART: WHAT A CIGARETTE, WHAT A CIGARETTE LUCKY STRIKE MEANS FINE TOBACCO . TAKE ANOTHER PUFF, TAKE ANOTHER PUFF, ROUND AND FIRM AND FULLY PACKED, OH, L S M F T, L S M F T ALL THE MEN WHO KNOW CONFESS THAT QUALITY OF PRODUCT IS ESSENTIAL TO SUCCESS : MOTOR AND SIREN UP AND DOWN) . (SOUND UKIE : (FILTER) CALLING ALL CARS . .CALLING ALL CARS . .BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR NEWLY-WEDS . .BRIDAL SUITE NDW AVAILABLE AT POLICE STATION . . .THAT IS ALL . JACK : He forgot to mention the lace curtains . .and I crocheted them myself . - c .v ir!6 04" - , , 1RF' 6 : TWO PHRASES QUART 'e, ORCH : LUCKY STRIKE MEANS FINE TOBACCO . flT}( 0 1 0310787 ORCH : TWO STRAINS QUARTo ROUND AND FIRM AND FULLY PACKED, OH . L S M F T , L S . N: F T,` ALL THE lA.+N WHO KNOW CONFESS THAT QUALITY OF PRODUCT IS EBSENTIAL $0 SUCCE88 . .AEY6 ' WE .A-?r~, . ~- . JACK3 Okay boys , here'r.ilmmwiis h.: . . (SOUND : LOUD BNAK9S) DENNIS :- Are you sure this is the tight place? SACK : Cettalnly .,See that sigii there, ."Racquet Club . Owned 6y Charlie Farrell , Star of 11 Sevehth Eeaveh' i , .Neslbefg Only,' f-' ~ (SOUND : LOUD BANGING ON DOOR) JACK : OPEN UP . .OPEN UP .,IT'S THE POLICE . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) NELSON : ffiMMIMsy what can I do for you? JACK : I'm the Chief of Police and I want to get in here . NELSON : Are you a member of the club? JACK : No, I'm here to investigate a murder . .I want to see the body . NELSON : Well t if you're not a member , you can't come in . JACK : What? NELSON : I'11 have to throw the body over the fence to you . JACK ; wHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT . .A MAN HAS BEEN )RIHDERED ON THESE PREMISES AND I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHO DONE IT . NELSON : That's who di it .,No wonder you're not a member of this club . JACK: Oh fine„Now look, bud . .please, .We've gotta get in here, NELSON : You can't come Sn here wearing that sunsuit, .tske it off . JACK : But where wtll I pin my badgel, .,Now let us-Sn . arx 01 031 0 ? ee SON :I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak to tho ovmer, Charlie Farrell . .Star of ^Seventh Heaven^ . .Here he comes . now . O JACK: ~Hello, Mr . FarrelT . . . : What's going onhpre .. FARRELL .anyerayP . (APPLAUSE) - ARRELL : Thank you . .thank you very much . . JACK : Stop bowing . .Now listen, Farrell, I'mCaptsin 0'Benny of the Palm Springs Police Department . - FARRELL : Glad to know you . .I'm Charlie Farrell, Starof."Seventh Heaven" . JACK : I know, I know . .Now listen .'.Toivnsend Trueheart has_been murdered on these uremises and I'm gonna find out who done it . FARRELL : Who one it? NELSON : I warned him . JACK : All right, did it, did St . . .Now come on, men, follow me . . ORCH : (HURRY MUSIC) : QUART : LUCKY STRIKE MEANS FINE TOBACCO . ROUND AND FIRM AND FULLY PACKED .AND .EASY ON THE DRAW, HEY! .1}R .,~E . .~ . . JACK : Now Mr . Farrell .~tell your clerk I want the names of everybody that lives here . . ~ NELSON : Why don't you look in the register . . JACK : I think I will . (SOUND : CASH REGISTER OPENING) NELSON : Not tat one( JACK : (Hmmm . .I thought it was peouliar that Washington and Lincoln should both be-staying here ~ DENNIS : Captein 0 Benn,y, ere a e gues reg.) ' h ' th t ister . Rrx 01 031 07 89 Good good . .read me Lhe,namesof all the,people who are . living here . There's Clark Gable , -Pat 0' -Hrien i Robert Tay7or~ James- Dunn-- -JACK : James who7 DENNIS :, James Dunn . . JACKr" That's Did .,Watch it, 0'Day: .We'vebeen warne'd . .Now tel•1 me, Mr . Farrell, was-TownsendTrueheart aloDe,shen he was . murdered? FARRELL : No, there were severa,l people with him, .' I JACK : I see . .Well, the first thing I'm going to do is-giill the . suspects . FARRELL : I'm sorry, the Grill doesn't onen until noon. JACK : What? , NELSON : I had that line, but I wouldn't touch it . . F~ln6~ JACB : ` ,I don't blame you . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) GANG : (EXCITED MUMBLING) JACK : Well, here we are in the lounge . .Oniet eve ybody . DENNIS : DATES . .DATES . .GET YOUR NICE FRESH DATES HERE . JACK : Hmmm . . DENNIS : Would you like a box of stuffed dates, sir? JACK : Not him, that's the body! DENNIS : Gh . . .shall I give him his money back? : Certainly . .Wait a minute, let mj~„see that' .iallet,. JACK I Aanna look for identification . ..Here's a card . ."Property of Townsond Trueheart . .in case of accident aleaee notify Charlie Farrell, star of "Seventh Heavene . . . . Hmm. Hr 801 0 310790 -.FARRELL : That's me . JACK : I know, I know„Now everyone line uo . .I :m gonna find out a few things around here . .. .Who are youfMiss?,,,Miss, I said, who $re~you? . . . Wpo AM 1-1 H~PYE c E .MARY : hMittie .La Roo„V-MIM movie star .(Sneeses) . , JACK : What's the matter,Miss La .Roo .,Rave :you~got a cold? ; MARY :' Yeah, I caught it in "Naked City", ., JACK : Wait a minute, I saw "Naked City^, what were you? MARY : 49fc bare midriff . JACK : Oh. WOL.~'aG- lA~ MARY : From now on I'm nriWy-shorts JACK : . What? NELSON : I had that line, too, but the censor took it away . JACK : ' Oh, well, I'll get back to you later, .Miss La Roo . :901it_ see who's in the next room ., .Come on, men„ follow me . QUART : L S M F T, L S M F T ALL THE MEN IN SEVENTH HEAVEN KNEW THAT CHARLIE FARRELL WAS ESSENTIAL TO SUCCESS . .HEY : JACK : Hold it, men . .there's a susnicious looking character sitting over there in that chalr ., .Hey you, .come over here . .,What's your name? . LUKAS : My name is Paul Lukas . (APPLAUSE) JACK : Paul Lukas, huh . .Well, what doyouu know about this murder? LUKAS : Nothing_ at all„I was~ . . . ._ , . . ._ r n . ,. . ~ . ._ . . . , JACK : Just a second you, .how'd you get that continental accent? HTN 0 1 0310741 . . 19 ~ . ,1~~~ .~ . - . . _ , .~,r .. . .. LUKAS : 0 Well, I wasn't born here . :.I was born Sn.Austria in a littlee town called Novga Geshmornishick Bolechov . JACK : A likely story . .Novga GeshmornishickBolechov . . . . What does! :- that mean in English? : LUKAS : Doo Wah Ditty . JAOK: Gee . .,they have one overthere~too. . ;.Well, te1l .-mey,Mr .•-. Lukas, what is your occupation?' Lt7KAS : IP m a movie actor . (Sneezes)- - .V~i~kf0 C'~iT : cwam,ahe &at . ` .~-. 4 . .oa-TCrf 7NAT CoNO iIJ JACK wn?crsiNc NP~e~wsilvwFR= i~~~a: LUKAS : N01wk5 DpRE MIDRir/,Yi JACK, Oh„wek), if you haveh't-ad alibi then--Hey,'wait a-minute-- aren't you the Paul Lnkas who-made 'R9atch On The Rhine"? LUKAS : '' That's right . JACK : Oh . .(STRAIGHT) Well, Paul, .sten in the other room'a minute . .I want to talk with you alone . LUKAS : Yes, Caotain 0'Benny . JACK : You can call me Jack . - R (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .D00H CLOSES) .JACK : aienr look, Paul . .didn't you once win an Academy Award Oscar? ULKAS : Yes, I di .d . . .It was in 1944, and the nicture was "Watch Oe The Rhine", which I made for Warner Brothers . ' JACK : Oh yes . . .they're still talking about It over there . LUKAS : Thank you . JACK : Yem kner~=T made "The Horn Blows At Midnight" at Warner Brothers : Oh yes . . ..they'ra LUKAS still talking about it over there, JACK : Thank you . . . . . Now look, Pau1 . .I'll be honest with you . .I'm , in an awful jam and you can help me out if you'lljust lend me your Oscar for a couple of weeks . A rx 01 0 310792 LUKAS : But why? , . ., I _ JACK : Well , two weeks ago Iborrowed Ronald Colman's Oscar and i : .Nowhe wants it back. . .I tried every- t was stolen from me thing . .Last week I even went overto-Bing Crosby's house and tried to borrow his . LUKAS ; Well q wouldn't BinglendSttoyou? - JACK : I don't know, they out me off before the urogram was finished . . .Now come on, Paul, help meout . .lend me your -Oscar for,iust a little while . NOIJ rLtAG C ',LUKAS : .hJack, olease .don't ask me for my Oscar . . .It means the viorid to me . .everything : .It's my good luckcharm . JACK : Gee . . .Well Paul, can't I at least seelt? LUKAS : I'm sorry, but I lost it at the Cove . JACK : At the Cove . .7Fmr.W esn4 , , . 1- . LUKAS : Yes, , _,,.~.`-. e.-`., . . '• JACK : 6h . .we11 then you can't helo me out . .I'11 see you later , Paul . LUKAS : Wait a minute . Jack, what's .going on in the other room? JACK : We're doing a murder mystery . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS) JACK : ALL RIGHT, M1ffiN . . tdURDERER OF TOWNSEND TRUEHEART OR MLL NAIdE SIt1*°fr (SOUND : GLASS CRASH ) JACK : What's that? DON : Somebody threw ock through the window . DENNIS : Look, C.Dtef, there's a note on it . • JACK : G me that . BAGB Let me read it, I haven't had a line in the whole olay . AT}{ 0 1 0 31 0 793 U re .5,U ~y . .o this climate . . . . Now where ' s that note , St may .be som Smportant . . .Amm . .it I_s imnortant . It's from the, Broadcasting Company . What does it say , Chief? It says, "Talk faster.or you'll be t off the air again ." .,,Well then we better-hurry u . .Hey you over -there . .You look susulcious . .Now what e .you got to say about this murder . .and talk fast, (SOUND s IRREL TALK RECORD . . . STOP ON CUE) JACK : ~ ou ht so „a' confession{ , . . All right , Men .,you lmow your du . .get going : . DON : DATES . .DA S . .GET YOUR FRESH DATES HERE . - DENNIS : GIFT PPED IF YOU LIKE . QUART : DA . .DATES . .FRESH DATES . .UET YOUR FRESH DATES HERE . (MUSIC ST TS) I QUART : SEND SOME TO THE FOLKS BACK HObD; . . .DATES „DATES . .FRESH DATES . . (9PPLAUSE) R7kS01 031 U794 lli L-ad4es-aid p, flr * ~• ~ ..-a . .. necessary to continue itsfundrais ;ing campalgn e1p~ our hosnitalized veterans, to say nuthin . ts manyother . PleasSva generously. .to your.services to our communities . local .Red .Cross .Chapter . It eds,monev morethan ever - . before . . - Thank you . (APPLAUSE) - ' DON : Jac . 11 be tiack in jus t a minutey but firat, here is sil Ruysdael . RTXU1 0310745 THE JACK BENNY PROGFCAM ` CLOSING COMMERCIAL - APRIL 11, 1948- PROGRAM ' NO . 28 . RUYSDAEL : INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EfiPERTS- AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE! - LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER ARANDS BOONE : (CHANT - 57 TO 59 - AMERICAN) LAING : The famous Crossley Poll has j ust completed an imeartial survey in.eleven southern tobacco states . This Poll - taken among the_tobacco exoerts themselves - reveals the .smoking nrefer- ence of the men who really know tobacco . Yes - RUYSDAEL : For their own nersonal smoking enjoyment - INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS - AGAIN NAMB LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE! - LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER BRAND! LAING : ' These are the exoorts - auctioneers, buyers and ° xarehousemen - and we believe their overwhelming oreference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Luckies . RUYSDAEL : You've heard the Poll results - now listen to what Mr . George Swinebroad : ace tobacco auctioneer from Kentucky recently said : VOICE : At auction after auction, I've seen rioe, light, sweet-smokin' tobacco bought by the makers of Lucky Strike . I've smoked Luckies 21 years . '(CONTINUED) 8 rst0 1 0 310796 ;}iE JACK BENNY PROGRAM :;LOSING CGMMERCIAL LAINGt So for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment, remember IN' RUYSDAELt LS - NPP LS - b1FT LAING : ,Lucky Strike meansfine-tobacco, Boroundt so firmt so fully aacked,so free and eaey on the draw...... FTX07 0310797 FayeShow on Sundays and "A Day In The Life of Dennis on Wednesdays . ., .I want to thank Paul Lukaearlie Farrell for aupearing on our program nrPht .. /inF~x esa" .. and'.Charlie.Pau}Lukae will soon be seen in "Berl Farrell can be seen behin8 the caeh register at theAacqueti Club . . . . "SeventhJieavenll, Sncidentally,.was nroduced-by Nineteenth Century Fox...... Goodnight, everybody . . AYOFF) A rxa 1 037 0~'98 AS BROADCAST- -AMERICAN TOBACCO CGMPANY LUCKY STRIKE . THS JACK BENNY PROGRAM BUNDAY . APRIL 18 1948 NBC 4•CG - 4•iC PM - P T PALM SPRINGS . CALIFGRNIA HTHO7 0310 7 99 :N7C JAOR M'NDY :YmdH .J( Oi-EnIaU ti01 :i1"1:,W .y, -+u•nIL ]O, 1948 - :'fun!i .Y, PO . E9 L3t:Ui 1N6 J ..CK 3YHNY .KKUItN! - presented by LUCKY t!?NIl(CI a00KP,t (U1La2'1 - 67 TO D9 - .ik^HIOnN) LnIH01 Luoky Utrika - and Lucky Utriks nlona - effers you lwenrtnnt evitlanns gathered in the tobaooo oountry by the vor1A-ta .ous Groealsy ibll . 74i1e aad .noe reveala the anoking rreferenoe of auatloneers, buyere and vnrehoueeea0 - the aen who reallly know :obnooo . Nerele what the Oroeeley Pall fowdt BUY5u.~4Le for tnelr own persunal eanking enjoyment - Ib .ie?'iU?N? :oH. ,dCO ' :dL;lu :, . .HS LUI^wY :+ZHiKn - b'IHST : :I41ICR} - uIDKY .%T1QK@ - FIH .:2 U :~OIC!'., UY^N ARY 0'tlRt.lt BNnND! L..IUOi iheas ervsrte J prefern,we for i .uoky y trike, we beliers, has a eirwt relutlonshlp to the iurtlity tobsooo we %urcnaaa for Luaklea ani : :o :Jte real, ~ieen-AoVn RAOk1/1R nnjoyaeni Xeu aAy eilMat fror• ,jJX_ "obnCao . rul xbnn thnan vKeran tabaeoo ^x,erte nr.ee -:L :e . : . : tl .,^: - ?7 , 'I . . .". for their own rereor.:;/ suJoynant, tl :en you rib't ..m . ... . .ono - -i-, : In :~ o~. .r . .c~ 1 :!a . .. . , :.cco .': .t . : mt ; . n . . ;ohocco ra' .^.rcn : cae - :,ue?9 :a:o! :1^~,,aber - nT}l01 0310800 .(FIRST ROUTINE) (AFTER COMMERCIAL . .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : TRYING IT AGAIN FROM PALM SPRINGS , CALIFORNIA . .THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM . .STARRING JACK BETINY . :WITH, MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHESTER, DENNIS DAY, AND "YOURSTRULYP DON . . . WILSON . . ' . (APPLAUSE . .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) . ' DON : AND NOW , LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS YOU ALL KNOW, FOR TWO CONSECUTIVE WEEKS WE HAVE LOST PART OF OUR SHOW . LAST WEEK WE NOT ONLY LOST THE ENDING, BUTAL60 .THE BEGINNING, . . .HOWEVER , WE STILL HAVE THE PICKLE INTHE MIDDLE :.AND HERE HE IS , JACK BENNY . ' (APPLAUSE) JACK : Thank you$ thank you . .Hello againt this is Jack Benny talking . .And Don, you don't have to make jokes about what ~~ ~ ., happened~~{ ,/ :Radio is our bread and butter . .You know, if I lose my job, you lose your stomach . . .It's a very serious thing . .We lost the finish of the show two weeks ago and lost the finish again last week . " . .~ -?fikRY- ( ) u-re running long this week, Fred Allen said he'd be very happy to give you time on his vrogram . JACK : Fred offered to give me time to finish my urogram? of Benny . MARY : Yeah . .he said he'd do anything to hear the end JACK : Oh well . .heJ s so homely he has to be clever . N7}{ 0 1 0910801 DON : Jack, why do you always keeu sayingthat4,, .After all, Fred Allen isn't so ugly . . _ ' . JACK : He isn't, .eh? Allen makes the Hunchback of Notre Dame ' look like the Man of Distinction . .and he's not only homely, Don, but he's so cheap that he-- . . ' MARY : W Wait a minute, Jack, don't say that Allen is cheao .`.he's .a good sport and you know it, JACR : Oh, he is, eh? Remember thetime we were in New York and you and I had lunch with him? MARY : Yeah, JACK :, Well, who picked up the check? MARY : I did, JACK : You're darned right .,Allen just sat therewn& didn't move a muscle . .So he's got a lot of nerve uaking Jokes about my being cut off the air .,It's a very serious thing . DENNIS : I don't think it's so serious, Nr, Benny, JACK : What? DENNIS : My mother was listening to the radio show Sunday and she didn',t even know that you lost the end of the urogram, JACK ; ' That's peculiar . DENNIS : No it isn't, .when I get through singing, she shuts it off anyway . JACK : Oh, she does, eh? . .'Nell, I've got a good mind to move your song down near the end so she'll have to listen to my whole orogram . . DENNIS : That'll teach her . JACK : You said it . / :dARY: Jack, I don't know wkk~you're making such a!VSS abeuL-.. . So you lost the tail end of your program. .Does it make any difference? RT 8 01 0310B02 Does it make any difference? Mary, we were doinge eketch . .people were interested . .Now they'll never know what happened . , I know just .what you .mean, Mr : Benny . . -I- ..as listenipg to I a .daytime program the'othe,r,day and the .announcer.sai .d, "Tune in tomorrow endhear ;anbther~chapter of!'JOhn! .s Other --" and then the .radio'went off . .And now people will- . never know what John has that 8e hasanother of . Yeeh,Jthey'71 never know . . ' - . I've been racking my brains all day : .,It could be John's Other House . .or John'sOther .Bicycle . JACK : Dennis . DENNIS : Maybe it's John's Othe Head . :.. i Il.l ~ - JACK : Dennis , forget it„you'rk only taking up time and I don't wants be cut off the air again . MARY : Well, I don't blame you, Jack . .You know, last week Edgar Bergen lost his whole orogram . JACK : Mary . .Bergen lost his whole orogram? IJ~1HY : Yeah . .and his sponsors were so uneet that beth Chase and Sanborn started drinking Sanka . JACK : No kidding . DON : (LAUGHINGLY) \Mary . .what did you say they were drinking? 'JAFY : Sanka . _ DON : . You're welcome . (SOUND : GUN SHOT) JACK : Mary, there isn't a court in the country that wlll convict you . . .Now let's get on with the nrogram, . DENNIS : Maybe it was John's Oher Toothbrush . fi 1_ X 0 '1 0310803 J ; JACK : :Dacda' quiet . . .You know Maryz':6 I Just tho t of some- - i." thing . .Mayb^'/sry nrograms have been cut o the air because I'm too easy going . :I'm gonna step into the eontrol . Foster, the engineer . .I'11 tell him .room, and talk to Mr8 thing or two . MARY : 'Now Jack q control yourselt . .If you feel that you're losing your temper , count up to ten dollars . .tnrr, T wai . r w+ii_ . JACK : Oh, Mr . Foster, I'd .like to talk to you for a minute, V. MEL : Okay, Mr . Henny . .but watch those wires, please . -~' JACK : . Say, you do have a lot .of wires in here . , MEL : Well each wire is put in here for a definite purpose . . On this wire we have the transformer . .on this wire we have f the oscillator . .on this wire we have the transmitter . . JACK : I see . .and what are those things on that wire up there?MEL : Clothes nins . I just washed my sox . me- .in_to....ask-yw~-aLcat-samssh# g-M E h u ~ 'J Why did-F-IOSe~oefL•ot-wy~s*egeemP `P~L ~ JrdpII! - ho'!'' JACK : Mr . Foster . I'm here on business . .what's the idea of trying to be so funny? MEL : I've got the wires open and my wife is listening in . JACK : What? MEL : HELLO, TILLIE . .PUT YOUR MOTHER BACK IN THE GARAGE, I'M SLEEPING HOME TONIGHT . Hrx 0 1 0 310804 .og` S_:ut tht'out: . . . I'll talk to you later . (SOUND : DOOR CLOSES . .FOOTBTEPS) . Everybody has to be a comedian . . .Oh well, I knowWhat . I'll do„I t 11 ca11 Niles Trammell , the President,of N, B . C . . . . Mary, give me that phone , will you? NARYS Here you are . . DENNIS : Maybe it was John's Other Yo Yo, _ JACK :Ohv quiet . .I'm trying to use-the phone . . . (SOUND : RECEIVER UP. . .ONE DIAL) JACK : Hello, oferator . .get me the National Yo Yo Company--- I mean the National Broadcasting Company in Hollywood . . . Yes, I'll wait . . .(HUtd; LOVE IN BLOON . .FADES) JY (SOUND : BUZZING OF SwiTCHBOARD . .PLUG IN) BEA : Hello . .National Broadcasting Company, . .Yes . . .Yes sir : I'71 try to get him right away . - (SOUND : PLUG 0UT) BEA : Say Mable, it's Mr . Benny calling from Palm Springs . SARA : Gee, I wander what Kiss of Death wants now . BEA : Well, they cut him off the air last week and oh boy is he mad! You know, he's got a terrible temper . SARA : He has? .BEAs------Yeehrl-sew-hi :m~rheirh . .$i1aL_oaata~into. Yp'S narrowed to a-stseighb-1lne~-w-oolb .hisa eyes,~-s .la out .of..his,s]aaww-. ~ An . twn .,=ao . _ __ _ .,av BEA : y(One Sunday Phil Harris didn't show up i'or rehearsal and 7 Mr . Benny got so mad he•blew his top . A rH 0 1 031 0 805 Really? - . BEA : Yeah, it took us An hour :to find It . SARA :Ghl I remember that tlme„That's~,themaddestJauk's :been in all his thirty-nine years, .,'.,. Do''youreally believe he'a .qnlythlrty-nine?-' SARA : Well % I diduntil . one time hetook .me td.tl:e museum . . .. BEA : ~~ . The museum? ~ ~ SARA : 'Yeah, we .were•lookingat the^dinoiaur aqd Mr : Benny was the only one who knew~the hip bone,was~ in the wrong place, . . Gee, . what a-.memory . .But you kriow, I kinda envy.him, .He!s been spendi n gso much time lately .dn PAlm Springs . SARA : (DISTAINFULLY)" Ehh , Palm Springs . . BEA : So what's the matter with,Palm Springs? . . . . I like it there , ., .that's where I first met Jack Benny . .It was in a little nlace called La Hacienda Sol - do la Vista de la Carmillita Cresta, SARA : La Hacienda Sol de ls Vista de la Carmillita Cresta? BEA : Yeah, that's Spanish for "The Season Is Only Five Months Long But Don't Worry, We Charge You For Twelve" . JACK : Operator, operator . (SOUND : CLICK CLICK) JACK : ODerator : BEA : i'm sorry, Mr . Benny, but.Mr . Trammell doesn't answer . JACK : All right, I'll call him later, - (SGUND : RECEIVER DOWN) JACK : 'Jde . Trammell isn't Sn . . . . Come on , Dennis, let's have your song . DENNIS : Okay . . ' /1 TX 0 ' 1 0310806 '- (SOUNDi KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : Hold it . . .COME IN . . . (SOl1~Dp_~ OR OPENS)= ~ BAGBY : Telegram for b~jts. Benny . JACd : I'll take it . :Here's a tip .Yor .you.` BAGBY : Oh goody : a nickle, nowf.hey can apenthe Cove again . (SOUND :DOOR .8LA6S) JACK : Go be nice to people . .Here Mary, read the telegram . "uWRY : Okay . _ , (SOUND : PAPER RATTLING) MARY : Oh-oh . : What's the matter?~ JACK --1dARY : It says, "IF YOU DON'T RETURN MY OSCAR WITHIN FORTY-EIGHT HOURS, I WILL NOT ONLY TAKE LEGAL STEPS BUT I WILL DRAG YOUR NAME THROUGH THE MUD AND EXPOSE YOU TO THE PUBLIC AS A BLACKGUARD, A PHONY, AND AN UNMITIGATED FRAUD . . .SIGNED RONALD COLMAN . . P .S . BENITA SENDS HER LOVE TO MARY . JACK : Gee . i. L4~RY : Isn't that evheP JACK : Yeah, but you know Mary , I'm really in a soot, .I never should have borrowed that Oscar . . .What am I going to do? DON : Why don't you tell him the truth, Jack? . MARY : Yeah , why don't you tell Ronnie that you were held uo and it was stolen? JACK : No . .no.- there must be something else I can do . DENNIS : I'VE GOT IT . .I'VE GOT IT . JACK : What? . DENNIS : It's John's Other Cuspidor . . .a? ., .~ RTY{01 031080? JACK : . Denriis, stop being eilly . .and-come-on, letFshavo your' . song . .John's Other Cuseidor . .th'at's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard .' (APPLAUSE) . JACK : . The things that kid can think of . .(DENNIS I S SONG -- "NOW IS THE HOUR") ' . (APPLAUSE) . HT}i 0 1 0910 80 8 (SECOND ROOTINE)" JACK : That was "Now Is The Hour" sung by Dennis .Day,Aed%very. good Dennis, . . .And now, ladies and'gentlemen, because of what happened last Sunday„fcr our feature attraction . tonight we are going to present another .chapter oflaet week's mystery,melodrama,-,entitled-- (SHORT FANFARE) . JACK : Murder at the Racquet Club . .Or . .He Asked Her For A Little Wine . .So She Gave Him Both Barrels•,•In this new version you will hear-- (CHORD) : A. JACK new story . (CHORD) JACK : New characters . (CHORD) JACK : New jokes . (CHORD) JACK : And with luck, an endlne ; ...... Set the scene, Don . DON : Okay• .•OUR SCENE OPENS AT THE PALM SPRINGS POLICE STATION . . CAPTAIN O'BENNY IS SITTING IN HIS CHAIR WITH HIS FEET UP IN THE AIR . .SCMEBODY STOLE HIS DESK . . .CRNTAIN . . .MUSIC. . ( nniSl C) Y JACK : (SINGS) CLIMB IWAIPMY KNEE, SONNY 80Y, m n- H-ARE-B 1-RRd7ffr 6oNNY HOYy._. ..<_./ !/- r ..~ , . ~ ~ DA DA DA DA/bE'DUM,DADA DX DA DE DUM• (SOUND : (ON CUE) PHONE RINGS) ~/ DENNIS : There's the phone, chief . P3T}i01 0 310609 Thank you, 0'Day . . .3hat kid's a great .detective . .He knew . it was the .phone right away,,,,IPlltake..it,`.~ (SOUND : ;RECEIVER UP) . JACK : Hello, Palm Spaings .Police Station and :NudrBaths. . .We make you come clean . . . .What'ethat, madam, you-lost .your .cocker spaniel? . . . . Don't worry, we'll find him for--you, .-tsi).. . What? .,,Be sure to return the leash? .,, .,Oh : your husband's on the other,end . . . ..Have you a description? . .the one with the cold nose is your husband ., .All rights goodbye . ' (SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN) JACH : We get the silliest requests here of any police- station in-- . (SOIIND : LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR) - . DENNIS : There's the nhone, chief . JACK : I knew it couldn't Iast,,,COME IN . .. (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) DON : Morning, Chief . JACK : Good morning, Sergeant 0'Wilson,,,Hey, wait a minute . .thls- olaco is foe customers .,did you sneak in and take a mud bath? DON : Not me, Ch1ef . .I haven't been near the mud baths . JACK : Don't lie to me . .there's a gopher ueeking out of your ear . . Now look, a woman lost her dog and I want you and O'Day to-- (SOUND : PHONE RINGS) JACK : Is that the phone? DENNIS : I think so, there's nobody at the door . JACK : Oh . .I'11 take it . (SOUND : RECEIVER UP) 191- Y( 0 1 0310810 JACK : Hello, Palm Springs Police Station'and 31nd Baths, .Ceptein O ' Benny speaking . . .Whatls that? ; R'NAT? . . . . MURDEg S M ' . RACOU CL i$?' . .~ . : . . . . ~ " . -DENNIS : Gee, this is getting monotonous . JACK : Quietl . . .YES? . : .YES . . . . GkaY : we'll be (SOUND : .~RECEIVER~DOWN) . .'~ . . ~ - DON: What's up , ohief?- JACK : The well-known playboy .,Cary Carew. .has been murdered . . . . -O'Wilson, get the police car, DON : Yes sir . JACK : . And we better take along the strong-arm squad . . .O'Shannasy, 0'Mallory . 0'Flannery,*wd-OH Promise Me . . . .Are you ready, boys? QUART : HMMMMM . JACK : Now come on, fellows . . .and I'm going to find the murderer of Carv arew . or my name aln' t-- (HURRY MLlSIC) QUART : L S M F T, L S M F T : L S, L S . L S, M F L S M F T, L S M F T, L 5, L 5, L 5, M F L S M F T , L S M F T , . L S . L 5 , L S , M F L S M F T MEANS FINE TOBACCO, YES SIREE, .HEY7 (SOUND : MOTOR UP AND SIREN UP AND DOWN) MEL : (FILTER) CALLING ALL CARS „ CALLING ALL CARS . .ATTENTION POLICE OFFICERS . .BEFORE GOING OUT ON A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION, FIRST LOAD YOUR GUN AND THEN TAKE ONE OF OUR BATHS . .WHY BE }AI SAFE? Hr 801 0 310 8 11 ACK : , Hmm . .there muat to eomething else on this radlo . (SOUND : STATIC ) MAHLON : AND SO THIS CONCLUDESANOTRER CRAPTER OF THAT YERY - POPULAR DAYTIME SERIAG, ."JOHN'S'OTHER CUSPIDOR" ., JACK i Gee , the kid was right , MAHLON : COSPIDORS IN YOUR HOME,'YON DON'T KNOW WHAT YOD[SMISSINC . JACK : Could be . . .Come on, Sarge, step on thegas .. p~~~..~~... L S M F T, L S M F . E . BOONE AND SPEEDYT F RIGGS SAY QUALITY OF PRODUCT IS ESSENTIAL TO SUCCESS, NEY : Okay men, here we are . S JACK (SOUND : LOUD BRAKES ) DENNIS : Are you sure this is the place, Chief ? JACK : Certainly , see that sign there . .Racquet Club . .Thirty iollars a day European n1an, .Forty dollars a day American Plan . . Two million dollars a day Marshall P1an . . . . Hmm , how can Herbert Marshall afford it4 . . .Let's go in , men . (SOUND : BANGING ON DOOR ) JACK : OPEN UP . .OPEN UP . .IT'S THE POLICE . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) Hi" 8 01 091081 2 FnRRELL• Yes?, JACK : . I'm Captain 0'Bennyof the .Palm Springs .Pollce Department . FAARELL : I'm Charles Farrell, star'-of"Seventh Heaven" . JACKe I know, I know. (APPLAUSE) JACK :' .Now.look, Mr . Farrell'q .thisisthe second time in7 that a murder has been-committed at the Eacquet C1ub . .Why does it always happen here? FARRELL : Because people won't be founddead in any other-place .- HA HA .HA HA . .OH FARRELL? YOU MAY NOT BE A COMEDIAN, BUT YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO PLUG ~~i'!lA JOINT : JACK : Stop with the wisecracks. .f9ho are some of the people who are staying here-eevr? FARRELL : Well, there's Lana Turner, Tyrone Power, Betty Grable, Gary Cooper, Irene Dunne, and-- JACK : Who? FARRELL : Irene Dunne . JACK : That's D1~ : remember last week . . .Watch it . DENNIS : You promised us new jokes . JACK : That one slipped in . .Now, look, Mr . Farrell, we're going-- FARRELL : Oh don't be so formal . .you don't have to call me Mr . Farrell . JACK! Okay, Charlie . FARRELL : No no, that's too informal : Well, what do you want me.JACK to call you? ' FARRELL ; Star of Seventh Heaven : -GA+w*e . .Now we're going. JACK inside and investigate this murder . . .Come on men .,follow me . fiTM01 0310813 •14- (ORCHESTRA HURRY MUSIC)- . . ' R QUART : LET US FOLLdW CAPTAIN BENNY . . . (ORCHESTRA) . - ' - QUART : . HE'S GOT DOUGH BUT DON'T SPENDANY ., . (ORCFQ+.STRA) ' . ' . . . , QUART : LET US FOLLOW CAPTAIN BENNY F0A HE IS ESSENTIAL TO OUR EATING EVFAY DAY, HEYS JACK : Hero we .are .in the lobby, men . ' . : tM^ . FAjiH1:Lk:~.--dssG-week-doesrz~t-ammpbod rnrv• ~ui3a•: Ab.o soy . 6LRF . , . ~ JACK : iWe23-Ehen•, where's Ma body? FARRELL : We moved it out by the swimming oool . JACK : by the swimming nool? FARRELL : Just because he's dead is no reason he shouldn't get a tan . JACK : iJ''~Oh . .we11 come on, men .•we're going out to the swimming ~oool and see the body . . .Follow me . F9T}(01 0310814 L S M F T :-L S M FT . KNOW HOW MUCH A SUN .TAN IS ESSENTIAL TO .SUCCEBS, . .HEY! . Here we areat the tool, men„Noa 1et*s .~tirid Cary Carew's bed", , - .MARY : (OOMPHY) Hello Chiefie, . . JACK : Hold it men, I founda better one,,,What'_s your name, Miss?, , tVdiY : Well, last week I was Mitzie Laroo, but yesterday I married, Cary Carew and became Mitzie Laroo Carew, ~ JACK : Mitzie Laroo Carew? That's kind of monotonexo-, isn't it? MARY : Not any more ., a half hour ago somebody slew Carew and I'm back to Laroo . . / • . -)tb JACK : Good for you„ ~Bet~'~wait a minute, I think you're the one - that did it .,You've got a,amoking gun in your hand . MARY : That doesn't mean anything . . 'JACK : Why not? MARY : This gun's been smokin' for nigh onto twenty years . JACK : Oh, it has, eh? FARRELL : You ought to arrest her : Cantain„ that's her gun .,and Cary Carew was shot with it . TAARY : But I didn't do it . . .This morning I filled my gun with bullets and left it in my room and went out for a walk . JACK : A likely story . . .You mean to say that after nutting bullets in it you walked out and left the gun in the room all by itself? MARY : Yeah .,it was lonely but loaded . JACK : Wel7 ., we'll go over and examine the body because-- arx 01 031 0e 15 . MEL : (OFF MIKE) (HORRIBLS ANGUISHED SCREAM) JACK : What's that . .another murder? ' ' FARRELL : No, one of the guests'just gWhis bill .-' JACK : Oh. .Now Miss Laroo, I want to get all the details regarding . the murder of your husband,Cary Carew . .Hemay have been poisoned before he was shot ;.Wnat did he have for dinner? MARY : He had a filet mignon . . - JACK : A steak, eh4 #low was the-steak cooked? ' WAHY : It was well Li . .you're not gonna catch'mec JACK : Well now look,-sister : .I'm holding you for the murder because-- . - DENNIS : (COMINB IN EXCITED) HEY CHIEF . .CHIEF . JACK : Yeah yeah . .what is it, O'Day? DENNIS : I was out searohin the grounds and I saw a man walking along with a 3 .so I questioned him . JACK : 'D1d he have an alibi? DENNIS : No, a cocker spaniel : Hnvnm . . JACK FARRELL : I had that line, but I wouldn't touch it . JACK : You keen out of this, Farrell . .Now 0'Day, tell me about this man you saw . .can you describe him? DENNIS : Yeah, he was dressed like a cowboy . JACK : Was he a real cowboy or a Dude? DENNIS : That's Did- : JACK : Never mind that . .Now look-- DON : OH CHIEF . .CHIEF . JACK : What is it, o'wilgon? DON : I couldn't find the man or the dog, but here's the leash . Hrrs 01 0310 e 16 JACKi ,'. . The leash7 SINATRA : -iWi"'~R'LSlqfi I'M FRANK SINATRA . --e-1 'JACK : . , Oh, hello Frankie . (APPLAUSE)~~ 7r • , , , , . . . - , 'JACK : . - 44xw:iia, what are you doing here at theRacquet C1ubY thought you were~5taying at the E1 Iri®ado; . ; aN~~~ SINATRA : I am, .I was "t•aking a sunbath over there and I'guess'ita ' windier tPan I thou,&h~ . . .yc . . ., nr0_t_ ..~..,,Z -: 0/rkPi .A'Y••~4°9~'R""'~ µ' rJ.-i~.a . . . . : .~ Y .e~--- '~p JACK . Well now liaten,~inatra ,Y•~wha~db you know about the - murder of Cary Carew7 SINATRAc Cary Ca-who? ' JACK : - Carew . SINATRA : U~~ I don't know anything about it . .I'm ,)ust-hete t11 another. P wind comes up . JACK : Oh„welllook Frankie, everyone here at the club is under susnicion so I'll have to hold you till we can-- (SOUND : WIND VlHISTLE) . JACK : Hm . . .Poor Frankie . .He thinks he's going back to the El Irisado „That was the five o'clock breeze for Banning . . Oh well, he can get off at Cabizon and take the local zenhyr back„Well, come on men, let's go into the lobby and start grilling the suspects . .Follow me . QUART : L S MFT, L Sh'F T EVERYONE BUT FRANK SINATRA IS 50 ROUND AND FIRM AND VERY VERY FULLY PACKED, HEY : JACK : Just a minute,/~ ,there's a very susaicious looking man over there . . .Hey you .,don't move, I want to question you ., now, what's your name? Arx 01 031081 , GGLDWYN :--i bmmusp- tn samu,.i, G., ldwyn :, (APPLAUSE) JACK : Samuel Goldwyn4,',W t a minutQ, are you~thatr famous, - '~talentedtcolossal, inimitable genius of the,motion . ~ .picture lndustryT ..~. . OOLDWYN : That'ss what it says on my driver's 1lcenso, JACK : Never mind the wisecracks . .This 11 murderl . GOLDR'YN : I know, I've boenlistening :to St, JACK : I don't mean that . .Now tell me, Mr . Goldwyn, what w re y u-doi g when the shot as fired7 ~~- y~ Bti nv4 (uo .~~Z 'r G'"4!! GOLDWYN : ilas sta ing/y[ere hating sys~f fdf not'produci JACK : '',"~~ ~ . .you know who was the star of Sevanth Heaven? GOLDWYN : Certainly, it's embroidered on 3he guest towei e . JACK : 4--h%vugh-b~. .Now Mr . Goldwyn . .er . .I'd like to Salk to aZ~ l/ you alone . .Would you mind stepning into the dswA room? GOLDWYN : Not at all . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS „ DODR OPENS AND CLOSES) JACK : Now Mr . Goldwyn , I have a confession to make . .I'm not really a police captaln .,I'm Jack Benny . GOLDV9YN : Well then we're even . JACK : What1 GOLDWYN : I'm not really a genius, I'm Just colossal . JACK : Oh oh, good good .,Now Mr . Goldwyn, what I want to talk to 7ll.r- LL..~.~(;: you about is . .well . as you probably know, I borrowed . Ronald Colman's Oscar and lost St and I thought maybe you could lend me one .j~\You did win one last year for "The } . Best Years of Our Lives" , didn't you? . A1- x 01 0310818 Iwon n1ne .- '¢ won nine Osqars? GOLDWYN :TA'rNow that I thinkof~it, I ey a genipe .Oj_ . :,~/ . JACKSYes yes : .That nicture also, won the AwaBdin gland . didn't . . . ~ . , . . . . St? ~ ~ . . . ~ ' Q.f'.P°." I - ...... ,JLDWYN•. Cheerlo, .T+ O .ry.p . .IN'~d _ . . 1 . JACK : Now Mr . Goldwyn, I thought that maybe as-ayersonal favor ._ to me, you'd just lend me one of your Oscars . GOLDWYN : But Jack, didn't you win an Oscar-for The Horn Blows At Midnicht? ~/ JACK : No, but I was close . .they hit me over the head with bew. . . Now, Mr . Goldwyn . .nlease let me have one of your Oscars . . .- GOLDWYN : E-ear~-t--do-X.Nab T'd la" 1 :- _ _ . JACK : GOLDWYN : . .Star•cM,g-HOgv-Carm4ehee3. : ~ ~ . .. _~. _ . ,t.o -- _ ._. . . JACK : i GGLD'NYN : JACK : '.9e11 , -wa've-done-all-we-can--with-that t Now_~MT Aoldwya , - ~m-in-irouble,-.-I!ue-gotta-have-She Oaeer-nowrrwon~you, - /.J.~ a• w helP~me-outr . . . . _. . ; ' - . GDLDWYN : .'Nel1.-maybe-I-ean-help-you_out ...If_S~.eufl.yn•• _~ ^=carr wfic ri_4~ .. (60UN@^SY~NB-iYHt9Ri:C? JACK : .Oh._slarn..it.-he-caught-the-Ptae-thirt~-saMStorm-POr°Sffit- Fernando . ...9b_we13-/-f-wighr fiTH01 0 310819 ->(SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .D00R OPENS) All rightmen„line up the suspects, 'end I'll find murderer of Cary Carew or IDy name~gin't-- .- ~(SOUND: GLASS CRASH) . JACKt What's that? DON : 8 mebofly~thred'arook through the window . DENNIS : -c ~ ook Chief, there's a note on it, . JACK : Give me that . BAGBY : Let me read itJ I haven't had a .Line Sn the whole play . 5 . . JACK : You're PA1 . .Iob€ o° ..j: :You're dead . .jLg d°wn . :. Darn this climate . . . Now where ' s the"note . . :Stmvy-be~' something imoortant . . . . Hmmm, .it 11 important . . .It's from the National Broadcasting Company . , DON : What does it say, Ch1ef? JACK : It says,~!'Telk faster or you!~1 be cut off the air again ." . .,Well !Me¢ we better hurry uu . . .Hey you over there . . . You look susuicious, .Now what have you got to say about this murder .,and talk fast . (SOUUD ; SQUIRREL TALK RECORD . . .STOP ON CUE) JACK : ~ thought so„a full confession ; , . .A11 right men, you know your duty . .get going ; DON : MUD BATHS . .WD BATHS . .GET YOUR MUD BATHS AT THE PALM SPRINGS POLICE STATION,• (61USIC IN SOFT) DENNIS : DON'T BE A DUD, GET IN THE MUD . QUART : MUD BATHS . .6ND HATHS .,MASSAGES .,A FREE GOPHER WITH EVERY ONE . .MUD BATHS . .6HID BATHS . , (APPLAUSE AND PLAYOFF)- RT}S01 03 1 0 8 2 0 - Ladles'and gentlemen , the American .Red Cross finds St'.,, neoessaryto continue its fund raising cappalgn to helpp our~hoanitallsed veterans, to say`nothing of Yts .many other services to our contmunitle9 .~Please give:generously. to your local Red cross Chapter . .-It needemoney .more than~^, ever oexore, , . Thank you . ` (APPLAUSE) DON : Jack will be back in j ust a minute, but first , here is BasilRqysdaeL . r3rx 0 ' 1 0310 e27 T ;'W~ F i ~t7~ 'PNE JACL:DEWNY'PROGHAM, . . : i . "-' ' '- - "-R-' 3 OI OSING'C069MERCIAL - APRIL 18 •194'1 - PROGRAIS ND 29' WILSON : -Jack w111 be backin-just a~minute, -but firs6, here is Basil Ruysdael : - RUYSDAEL : INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS -. . AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIgE .-.'FIRST CHOICE .OTHER: - , LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICG{, OVER ANY BRANDI . RIGGS : (CHANT - 57 to $9 AMERICAN), . LAING : The famous Crossley Poll has just completed an imoartial survey in eleven southern tobacco states . This Poll -taken among tobacco experts -reveals- the smoking preference of the men who really know tobacco . Yes- , RUYSDAEL : For their own personal smoking enjoyment - INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS - AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE! - LUCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE, OVEH PNY OTHER BRAND! ;(~A`,, LAING : These are the exoerts - auctioneers , buyers and warehousemen - and we believe their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationship to the 4uality tobacco we purchase for Luckies . RUYSDAEL : You've heard the Poll results - now listen to what Mr . Charles Belvin , veteran tobacco buyer from Durham , North Carolina , recently said : VOICE : Season after season, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy ripe, mild tobaceo . I've smoked Luckies 16 years . LAING : So for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment, remember - RUYSDAEL : LS - MPT LS - MFT ~ . LAING : Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm , so fully uecked , so free and easy on the draw . FlTiS 0 7 03108 2 2 Ladies and gentiemen , be sure to hear the Phil Harris- Alice Faye Show on Sundays and "A ]Da yIn The', Life dS ~, ~ Dennis Day" on Wednesdays . . .I want to ~Samu41A,dyA.,.J Goldwyn for appearing here tonight through the coutOtesy, Sinatra of Samuel Goldwyn : .i`Frank can be heard.11 every Saturday night on the Lucky Strike HitParade , and can bo seen on the screen in that R .K .O . picture j "ESiracle Of The Bells^ . . .Charlie Farrell, star of Seventh Heavent . can currently be seen behind the cash .register at the , Racquet C1ub . . .Incidentally : Seventh Heaven was produced by Nineteenth Century Fox . . . . And next week we'll be back in-- MEL : ' OH MR BENNY . .ILI . BENNY . . MABY : Jack, the engineer wants you . JACK : Oh . .What is it , Mr . Foster? MEL : I've got terrible news for you : Oh my goodness, were-we cut off the. , JACK air again? MEL : No, they heard every word . JACK : How do you like that, .if 1t's not one thing , it's another . . Goodnight , everybody . (APPLAUSE AND PLAYOFF) , I9T}i 0 1 0310 B 23 9aCRiP~P #30 RWrz M as B,oADcAsr Ab4SRICAN TOBACCOCONPANY LUCKY STRIISE THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM 25, 1948 00 L t 30 P RT}! 0 1 0310824 4AC~E SFNNY PROGRAM CPININ4FGl CChMMERCIAL IAING: THE JACK SIIiNY PROGRAM -- presented by UJCKY STAIEE! RICGS : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) : Iucky Strike -- and lucky Strike alone -- offer3 you ~IAING - . important evidence gathered in the tobaccooountry by the world-fe.mou9 Crossley Poll . This evidence reveals the smoking preference of auctioneers, buyers Csnd warehousemen -- the men who really know tobacco . Here's what the Crossley Poll found . - HI715A4EL: For their own peroonal smoki .ng enjoyment -- INI%'sP$NDENT TCH4CC0 EXPERPS-- AGAIN NAME IDCKY STRIIa ; -- FIRST CHOICE -- LUCKY STRIKE -- FIR4T CHOICE, OVER ANY CTHER BRAND . IAING : These experts know their business . Their overxhelming preference for Lucky Strike, we believe, has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Laokies and to the real, deep-dovm smoking enjoyment you may expect from fine tobacco . And when these veteran tobacco e7Cperta name Lucky Strike -- first oknice for their own personal smoking-enjoyment, then you know , . . . RUYSDAEL: IS - MFT I8 - MFP IAING : Iucky Strike means fine tobacco -- and in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts . So smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lucky Strike . Remember -- . RUYSAqEL : INDEPENDENT TGB9CC0 ERPEfSB -- AGAIN NAME IIJCKY STRIID; -- FIRBT CHOICE . CHOICE CVER ANY OTHER- ]~ LOCKY STRIKE -- FIIST BRAND. T RrH 0 1 08 1 0625 (FIRST ROUPINE) . - 'I' (AFTER COtM'~'.RCIAL . . .MUBIC UP AND DOWN) . DON: THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BFNNY . . .WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHESTER, DENNL4 LOllC, AND . "YOURS TRUL4" DON WILSON . .MDSIC UP AND DOWN) . (APPLAUSE) . . DON : LADIES AND (63NTIF.MEN, JACK BENNY HAS JfAT RETURNED FROM HIS STAY IN PAIM SPRINGS . . . SO I S P'S VO OUT TO JACK'S HOU9E IN nFVRatv HILIB . .IT'S MORNING AND WE FIND ROCHESTER IN THE KITCHE . N ovER-LOOKIN~ ROCH : (SINGS) I'M SAOK-BQ9-OVER A S1NK FULL OF DISHES THAT I O :VERIAOKED ALL WEEK . T!-L?RE'S SPOONS AND THERE'S SAUOERS . AND DIRT ON THE FIAOR \ IF I DON'T (. ET BUSY \ HE'LL DOCK ME SOMEMORE . ~'DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA DA DA DA . . . . WELL, I BETTER- ROLL UP MY SIEEVES APID . . .Wj/A' A MINVPE, THERE AIN ' T NO HURRY ABOUT WA&HING THFSE'ISISHES . . .THIS 19 ONLY THE END OF APRIL . . .THERE'S MAY ; tAVE, JULY, AWL6T, SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER, NOVENBF.R .-:. . .I CAN START IN JUNE .Apm .STILL GET TO THE TiktKEY PLATTGR IN TIME FOR THANK4GIVING ...... 1 -. (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) / , ~'R~06'H : _(SINOS I'M UJO_K_INQ_0_YF,H_--______. . JACK:' Good morning, Rocheater . . ROCH : OH, OH, GOOD MORNING, BOSS . . DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT? JACK: Oh, pretty good, Rochester, but as you knoW,I had a difficult time £alling aeleep . . .I counted three thousand sheep . . R7M 0 1 0310826 ROOM : THRPE THOUSANID AND TWENTY, TO BE EAACT . JACK: Was it that me.ny? ROCH : YEAH . . .AI01 BOSS, TONI($iT WHEN 7GOU GO TO BED, WHY DON'T YOU TAKg A LIITIE PILL? JACK:N-wRochester, I prefer to count sheep . . ROOM : I KNOW, BUf I FPEL SO SILLY PUl'PINO ON THAT 4kSITE COAT AND JUNIPINO BACK AND FOR'1'H 'OVER YOUR BEDPOST . 7o:-hestec !F /ca* toss axn TxRN, yoq caN Juwr A urtLE. NoW JACK: ttfxp-mb~ pour me eome coffee : OKAY . .J[6T A MINUPE, BQSS . . ROCH . (SOUND : SHADE PULIID DOWN) JACK : Rackesater; why did you pull down the shafle? . ROOM : IN CASE MR . COIMAN LOOKS OUT OF HIS WINDOW I DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE YOU. JACK: Oh yes yes . .he is still mad about my losing his Oscar, 1en't he? ROOM : MAD? YESTERDAY HE CANll: OVER Atm GOT 0NE OF OIAI LAWNdOWERS . JACK : Well, that's all right . ROCH : I KNOId, BUP HE MOWED HALF HIS LAWN BEFORE HE PUP THE FLAG DOWN ON THE METER . JACK: Gee, Rochester, if Mr . Colman finds out I'm back from Palm Springs, no telling what he'll do . .but I have to go to the stuido . .How em I gonna get out of the house without him seeing me? LEMME ROCH : WELL . .Y$I^8 SEE . . . .I KNOW . JACK: What? ROCH : GET DOWN ON ALL FOURS, I'LL THROW THE BSARSKIN RUO OVER YOU, AND ISAD YOU OUf OF THE HOLBB ON A Us'A4H .- flTYi 01 0 3106 2? _g. Ne JACK: No„lthat wouldn't work,,,euppose he comes over to pet me . _ ROCH : I I LL Ik'AVE 'Pf E MUZZLE OFF 80 YOU CAN BITE HIM,• y JACK: No, I'd probablymy tooth break on his garterhs~,~f. B :t I've gotta get out of the house without Mr . Co]man seeing me . ROCH : SAY BOSS, I KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO . . JACK: What7 : YOU'VE STILL GOP YOUR OLD CHARLIE'S AUNT COSTU4E. ROCH . WH1C DON'T YOU PUT THAT ON? ip du oRESSED uKEhWOMAN, HE - woa'r RE~6N:LE ME,JACK : Sqq , that's a wonderful idea,, . (SOUND : PHONE RINCiS) . . . JACK: You take it, Rochester . I'll go in and put on sp Cbarlie's Aunt cce.txse . . ROCH : YES SIR . . _ - ( sc TTTB:- RECE Nza UP) ROCH: MR . BENNY'S RESIDENCE, STAR OF STA(R :, SCREEN, RADIO, AND WIId . ACCEPT THE NOMINATION OF ANY PARTY THATILL IET HIM RENT OUP ROOMS IN THE WHITE HOUSE . : (L:,UGHINGLY) Hello, Rochester, this is . MARYMiss Livingstone, ROCH : 0H, .0H, .HELi.O, MISS LIVINO.STONE „HOW DID YOU ENJOY YOUR TWO eray WPE,KS/IIN PALM SPRINGS4 MARY : o1,,Wonderful, Rochester . . .2 was on the golE course with Mr . Benny every dey, ROCH : I KNOW . .AND MR . BLNNi POf b=b1R- YOU OWE HIPf FOUR DOLLAR3AND THIRTY FIVE CENTS . MARY : That's right . ' ROCH : I DIDN'T KNOW HE COULD BEAT YOU . MARY : He didn't beat me, he caddied for me . ROCH: OH, ATX09 0310828 -4- MARY: By the..way, Rochester, .how does Mr . Benny feal now? ROCH : MUCH BE`STER,, .BUP WHEN HE GOT HOME FROM PAitd SPRINGS, HE WAS GREEN . WHAT MADE HIM SO SICK? MARY : He stopped at an orange juice stand that said, "A1ll you can Drink For Ten Centa!', and we had to roll him back in the' car . ROCH : OH, SO TAATIS WHAT IT WAS, .,HE WOKE MH UP WHHNHE CAME SLCSHING INTO THE HOIAE, : (LAUGHS) Well Rochester, please te11 Mr . Benny that. MARY I'll pick him up in a few minutes on tqy way down to the studio . ROCH: THAT I LL BE FINE ; MISS LIVINGSTONE„BU1'„WOUID YOU MIND WAITING FOR HIM DOWN ON THE CORNER? ' . MARY: On the corner? Why? ROCH : MR, BiNNY WILL EKPLAIN IT TO YOU WHEN HE SF.T55 YOU . MARY : All rirht . Rnnhwn},en . . . .nnrva.vw_ • ROCH : GOODBYE . . (SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN, .FOOTSTEPS„KNOCK ON DOOR) pFCEM- ROCH : ARE YOU BSdBY, BOSS? JACK: (OFF) YEAH, COMfi ON IN . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) JACK : R^~HHow do I look in my Cherlie ' s Aunt Ooatume? ROCH : WELL„LET ME SEE . .YOU ' VE GOT 'i' E WIG ON STRAIGHT . .AND YOIQi CURLS TUMBIE DOWN OVER YOUR FOREHEAD IN A TANTALIZING MANNER . JACK: Thank you, thank you . HCCH : YOM Mi;SCARA 23 JU3T HEAVY ENOUGH TO ACCENTUATE THE BLUE OF YOUR EYES . ' JACK: Good . ATYS01 0310629 -5- ROCH : YOUR LIPS HAVE THE RED 03OW OF A SNMff :'R SUN AS IT SLOWLY SINKS INTO THE PEACEFUL PACIFIC, JACK : Well . ROCH : AND YOlAi . . .OH-OH. JACK: What's the matter? Pw'LUP ROCH : YOU BETTER itS~ YOUR SHOUIpER STRAPS, 'iR E HAIR ON YOW2 CHEST IS SHOWING . . . JACK: Oh, nobody will notice that when I wear .ud ehawl . . .Oh My goodness, look what time it is . .I better get .ste.rted for the studio . . ROCH : I TOLD MISS LIVINO.STONE TO PICK YOU UP ON THE CORNER . JACK: That's a good idea„Oee, I hope nobody recognizes me . .. .-, .- Rochester, does this dress real ly make me look like a woman4 RCCH : BOSS, IF THIS WAS MOTHER'S DAY, YOU I D BE LOLl4Y WPPH FIQWERS, JACK: Good good . .So long, Rocbeeter . ROCH : GOODBYE . (SOfRID : DOOR CLOM„F0015TEPS DOWN STEPS .,FOOTSTEPS . ON CEMENT) JACK : Hmru . .11t?9- o.little chilly . .I'm glad I wore this shawl . . . (SINGe) A PRE'M'Y OIRL IS LIKE A MSLODY . .DA DA DA DA DE DLM but it iyl,& eE /ME'PESi:4G . . . . ., . . . .(3ee, if I pass Georgie Jessel, I'mdead~ ...... Oh well, as soon as I get in Marg's car, I'll take off this drese and --Oh-oh . .,Oh my goodness, here oomes Ronald Co]man walking- this wey . . .I'll just put down ntiy head and cross the street . (SOUND : ,9UP0 HORN . .CAR GOING BY) JACK : Gee, that was elosel fiTYi01 0310830 -6- COIMPN : Yaukl $etter be cereful, iedy ., . ,- . JACK ; Huh? (APPLP.U3E) COIMtN : May I help you across the street? JACK: (FAtSE'IT0) Well, thank you, thank you very much . . .But I aan manage by rtq•SG :-F . WELL WE LL COIMAN : H¢rs, let me take your arm . - JACK : (FAISETTO)Well, M-,~ RI4NT . . (SOUPIII : DOUBLE FOOT9TEP$ .,CONTINUINU) : Am I walking too fast for you, Mother? . COIMAN JACK: (FALSETTO) No no, not at a11 ...... Wei1, here ve-are across the street . : Yes .,Now~ atch the curb . .Ups-a-daieyl. COINcN JACK: (FeSSETTO) Thank you, thank you very much, Mr . Co]men . .NOxrI have;_to-- - COLMAN : Oh, you recognized me : (FALSETTO) Yes yea . .now. JACK I have to -- . COll1Si : Would you like my autograph? JACK : (FAL9ETT0) Not now I'm in a}uryy•,I have to -- . COIbL'N : It wi11 only take a minute . JACK: (FfS.SETTO) I'm sorry but I don't have a pencil and paper . COIMAN : Oh, I donIt need pencil and paper . .I have them written out on little cards . .You lmow the~3emend has been quite heavy lately . JACK: (FAl5ETT0) Oh, then I'll take one . COI I&AN : Take two, give one to your husband . HEt DEFO • . •• • JACK: (FfJ3ETT0) Thank you,, he'l1 be thr111ed .to OsnrN• COINU",N : By the way, Madam, am I the first movie etar y0U ever met? 1- Fil'KO1 0310831 -7- JACK : (FAIBETPO) well no no, I once met Charlie Farrell, star of . Seventh Heaven . Nn Ne COLMAN : Charlie Farrell?N .})e must've been before sp time . JACK : (FAL4EPr0) Well, t•hanks again Mr . Colman, you're my favorite Oscar-- I mean actor : What} Whs 'rHk7? . ' COLMAN . ' JACK : (FALSN7TT0) Goodbye, goodbye . : Goodbye . COWGAN .-. (APPL4USE) . . , (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .CONTINUINO) JACK : Gosh, that was a narrow escape . .I don't know how much longer I could've held out . .there's a fly under m,y wig . . .I'11 get .him . (SOUND : IAUD SLAP) . . JACK : I'll co:r.b him out later . .Now let me see, Rochester said that Mary would pick me ijq~-et . . .Oh, '0here's her car .over there . . (SOIIND: FOOTSTEPS . .CAR DOOR OPENS) MARY : I beg your pardon, Madam, but I'm waiting for-- JACK : Mary, it's me, it's mel MARY : Oh, for heaven's sake, Jack, what are you doing in that outfit? JACK : I had to put it on so I could sneak out of the house without Ronald Colman recognizing me . .It'a a good thing I did, too, becauee I bumped into him . MARY :u•HY, I just saw Ronnie, too . JACK : Oh my goodness, if he saw you, he'll be sure to know that I'm around : Oh, he didn't. MARY see me, Jack . .he ,juet walked by theaer and • threw his autograph in the back seat . 0 8 TX 0 1 031 OB32 _8- JACK: The back seat? . . .Ch, yeeh . .here it ie . . .Well, what do you ]mow . .Thie one has glue on it so you can stick it on your windehield . . .COmo on, Mary, let's go ; Jack, you're not going to go to the studio. MARY dressed as Charlie's Aunt are you? - JACK; No no, Mary, I have my suit on un3erneath . . .I'llslip the dress off while you're driving . MARY : No .no, Jack, don't take it off . .I wanta remember you just the way you are ; Yfiat?.JACK - MARY : The way your curls. tumble down over your forehead in a tantalizing msnner . . . JACK : Say, Rochester said the eame thing . MARY ; And your mascara is just heavy enough to accentuate the blue of your eyes . JACK : That's flmny . .he said that, too . MARY : And your lips have the red glow of a swuner sun slcwly sinking into the IaBrea Tar Pits . . JACK : Mary . . MARY : I'll bet he didn't think of that one . JACK : No no. .he didn't . . .Naa come on, let'.s hurry to the studlo . .I I ~ or7A C'fEr 7IFIS can get this dross^off before we get there . (SOUND : MOTCR BTARTB) (TRAN9ITION MUSIC) (SOUND : FCM`8TEP8) MARY ; Jack, I'm going into my dressing room. .call me when you start the rehearsal, W1L~ You ~' R 1' Y{01 0310833 --- )V JACK: Okay . .P 11 see you later : FOOTSTEPS) JACK . (gOUND : (HN6S LOVE IN BLOOM) Oh0 there's Mel B1ano . . :Hello Mel . . MEL: Hello Jack . .are you gonna use me on your .ehowtoday? . JACK : No,Me1 . .I spent too much money in Palm gpr7nga . .Maybe next week . .5o long, Mel . : So long . .(PORKY PIG) T-T-T-That's a11 folkef. MEL : FOOTgTEPS) . (SOUND . JACK : Gee, he's a clever guy . .It's a shame he won't work aheaper . . . . Oh well. .(HUM1S L(PJE IN BLOOM) . w J YA PHIL : (OFF) H6Y=3ACKSON . .JAOKBON . .LONG TIMg NO 9Sg : Oh, hello Phil. : JACK . (APPLHABE) . PHIL : Hey Jackson, lenuns look at you . .You know yourstay in Palm Spr did you a lotta good, . .You're two inches taller . . W '~ Yau R6 IA-ILEK. . JACK : What?, . .Oh darn it, I forgot to take off these high-beeled ehoes . .Hut Phil, no kidd]ng . .I sure missed you on our last two shows . PHIL: I know : What? . JACK PHIL : You need me, Jackson, you need me! JACK : What do you mean? . . .I got big laughs, didn't I? PHIL: Yesh . . .you got laughs . . .but there was something missing . You know, your program without me is like a Persian rug . . it looks good but it just lays there . JACK : Phil . . Now PHIL : Look Jackson, you tried it without me for two weeke . .If Have you learned your lesson? . . , ' JACK : What? prx 01 0 31 0e 34 -lo- PHIL: If you can't take the talent with you, etay where the talent is . JACK: Phil . . .Phil . . .Shrinking Violet . . .How can you .poesibly be so egotistical : I ain't egotietioal,. PHIL Jaol®on . . .I just say if you got an - effervescent personality, let it fizz, let it fizz . JACK: Well, if that doesn't stop the air conditioning, nothing wi11 . . .Now Phil, this week we've got a very important ehow,so let's get started with the rehearsal : I'1l be with you in a minute, Jackson . I. PHIL wanna go in and run over Dennis's song with him : Okay, I'll come along with you . . JACK . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . . .DOOR OPENS) . ( ORCHFSTRA TUN-_yYG all, /,'aC L~ P ~ _ Co-r1,i~ „~ _ . . .qw~ o-w .. PHIL: dC liET'S~~RUN THROiDH~""DEPII4~ ~~IS'S NOMBER ONCE MORE . (INTRODUCTION . . .DENNIS'S S0N0 . . ."NATURE BOY") (APPIAU4E) ' d= 0 RTH01 0310835 (SECOND ROUTINE) . -11- JACK: That was lvery good, Dennie . .that song sounded ewell . DENNIS : Thanks, Mr. Benny . .but I think the,orohestra ehould've . plaGyµeAd~ ~i~t with just a little more rhythm . JACK : I rilait~k you're right, 1e . .Oh Ph11 -- PHIL : I'll take oare of it . .~FELipvfS . .Wpl~fl±N W/B DO THE NU6ID$R ON PfE SHOW, PLAY IT A TLELITM'ORE.~~;x pffiTA~~ ~ ~;.,q, PMIL ;PiSTMNio '~Ac-1( ; w„~.#~ .{, JACK : That's izzn ica~1 . .P,~teeh3o . .Say DennieZ ytime dld~e ao~u (~- get home from Palm Springs Sunday night? DENNIS : I didn't get home Sunday . .I got home late Wednesday end . almost missed my own show . . . JACK : But you left Palm Springs Sundav night . . .What took y~u so long . . .did your car break down? . DENNIS : No, but I ran into a lot of traffic 7n Selt Iske City . JACK: Salt Lake City? Dennis, why did you go from Palm Springs to Los Angeles by vay of Salt Iake City? DENNIS : I wanted to avoid the traffic light in Banning, JACK: Well . . .that's logical . DENNIS : But that wasn't the only reason . .I also wanted to break in my new car . . .My mother gave it to me for my birthday . PHIL : Hey, congratulations, kid . .When was your birthday? DENNIS : Last week. . .end I had a swell party, too . . .Refreshmente and dancing and games like Post Office . ('1W0 TONED WHISTLE) w v) JACK : Wel~. .who was there? DENNIS : Just me : Just you?. JACK Dennis, how could you dance and play gamee . all by yourself? 0 RT}401 0 810 8 36 -12- DENNIS : It'e done with mirrors . JACK : Oh fine : Me having. PHIL two shows I can understand, but this kid's a ndstery : Dennis, why don't you -- MARY . JACK : Say Jack, I-- Oh hello Dennis . DENNIS : Hello . ~j y./-ue Ow, . PHIL: Well, hiya Livvy . . .You raviettix:~~-b9~axsty you . MARY: (LAWHIN6) Hello Ph11 . . .5ay Jack, the drug etore j ust eent back the pictures we took !n Palm Springs . . JACK: Oh good good . . . .let's take a look at them . : Here'e a picture of ine taken . eth pool in my . MARY bathing suit . PHIL: Lemme see that, Livvy . . MARY : Here . 4y'r*ti '!-ti- PHIL : WII,L. .~.SCUDDA HOO, SCCDDA HAY . . . . Say, that's really a gorgeous bathing suit . MARY: (SHY AND COY) Oh, it's nothing : JACK : That he can see . .Believe me . MARY : And Phil . .(IACGHINO) Here's one of Jaek in his bathing tranke . . PHIL : Let me aeathat . . .OH NO NO NO NO NO . . .(LAt .P:HS) JACK : What are you laughing at? PHIL : You look like a spider with four legs missing . . JACK: All right, Phil, you can stop fizzing . DENNIS : Say Mary, can I see that picture of Mr . Benny? MARY : Here you are, Dennis . DENNIS : Cee . . .I don't lmow what Phil was laughing at . JACK : Thanks, kid . 0 RT 80 1 0310 8 3 7 „ -13- DENNIS : For a spider, you look pretty good . JACK : Bertwd:e . . . .Newi don't know whether you felloxe are kidding or not but-- . MARY : Say Jack, we better start rehearsing . .xe go on the air pretty soon . PHIL : Yeah, let's get going, Jaokson. .the musio is all ready . JACK : Good geod. .Now all v b=needA* . . .Hey, wait a minute . .vhere's Don. . .DON . . . DON : (OFF) HEHE I AM, .JACK . . JACK: Well'~Dgo~n, it's getting k7nda late and we have to-- Don . .Don. . did^'ybu pass an orange fuioe stand? . . DON : No, I aiways look like this : Oh . .Well look Don, we've got. JAOK practically everything ready but _~ the quartet . .did you rehearse them? DON : vk,Yes Jack, and I've got a great surprise for you . . JACK : A surprise? . . DON : Yes . .for weeks now your quartetdAee been rehearsing an operatic number, but they-needed a soprano for the lead . JACK: iRi huh : So I took. DON the liberty of asking Mies Dorothy Kirsten to come over and join them : Well, I think it was very--. JACK Dorothy Kirsten? . :8WF, you don't mean Dorothy Kirsten of the Metropolitan Opera? KIR4TEN : Yes, Mr . Benny, and here I em . (APPI 4USE) JACK : Well Miss Kirsten, this is indeed honor and a great privilege having an operatic star klyou onnp program . 0 At)K01 0310838 -14- KIRSTEN : T hank you, Mr. Benny . .ooming from a violinist of your reputation, I consider that quite a ccmpliment ) We11, .speaking of my violin playing. JACKc (M®ESTIaC . . .I really shouldn't take too much credit for a talent that cemee neturally. . .(SILLY IAWH) . . ; Somo talent . . . Your father used to tie. MARY a flat-iron on the end of your bow so you could praotioe the violin and press pants at the same time . JACK ; Mary . .please . . .C7 Miss IIireten, this is Mary IAvixgetone . HIRSTEN ; How do you do, Miss Livingstone : How do you do . . MARY JACK ; And this is Dennis Day . KIRSTEN: Hello, Dennis . DENNIS ; 6lad to know you, Miss ICirsten ; Dennis, you muet be very proud. HIRSTEN to be aesociated with a man of M .. enny's y ature and importance . ~ DENNIS ; I~~nathea~.yicture-he looks like a spider . JACK : Dearie .l . .He's such a kid . DON; Ch Miss Kirsten, I wanted to tell you that I saw you in "Madam Butterfly" Wednesday afternoon effi I thought your perforryo.nce was sSmply mag 1 cant . -~.-t.uu..Gea 1~...uYG : lTS KIRSTEN ; Well, Wot's awfully kind P y , Mr . Wilson . . .but who could help singing Puccini, it's so expressive . . . . C(,W D particularly the last act starting with the allegro vivecissimo ; Well, thst's being. DCN very modest, Miee Ktreten, but not every singer has the necessary flexibility Bel Canto md or 9k range to cope •,vith the high teseatura of that first aot . P1TX 0 1 031 0 834 )C' 44A ~~~ ccHR ~twl 15 KIRSTEN : Wg} , N(r . 4Yileon, d~tt you think in the aria "Un Hel Di , Vedremd" that the strings played the Con Molto Passions . exceptionally fine and with great sostenesdo4 . . JACKV Well, I thought-- . MARY: ~i shu u_p~~a '4~ ~ ~ . .. . . JACK: . . . . .Mary;~ I waa :only trywSngcct~o be soolable . DENNIS : Gee, Miss Kiraten . . .I wish mymother wore here . . .ehe4d enjoy meeting you . . .She's a singer too . ' . KIRSTEN : Ch . . .is your mother a soprano or a contralto? ~DENNIS : She's a baritone . JACK~• Dennis- ___ . . . .-_. DENNIS ; YoU know, my mother wanted me to beoane a ;-opMfia ei=ger . KIRSTFSI : Wellt i" `ry exoiting profe I but it requires Sntensive voice tra s~bnd tw1y . . . .I prepared for my cereer elevenn-y eare . . .I epent s en_o=those years ii: the Con~erv¢Uory of Music . JACK: % ~In Milan? / I STE[1:S1o,~p ..Doo_Wah Dittv _ _ JACK; i1 ~. .Niae Kirsten, ae I understand it, you're going to sing a number with my quartet . . .1e that right? KIRSTEN : Yes yes . . .we rehearsed all week . . .dldn't we, boys? @UART : RN44MiN . JACK: Well, this is really a big event on my show, Miss iSirsten and I'm certainly thrilled having you. .but . .er . .but . .er . . pardon me . . Don . .Don . .step over here a minute, wlllyou? (DON GOES OVER TO JACK!S MIKE) - P ATSS01 0310840 ,y, -16- ~ .~ N+ta-MVQ..euriu+.~,~-Qiia.A!4,P JACK: (WHISPERING) Don, how much is Miss Kireten foing to aharge me? DONr . Iean over, Jack .,I'11 whisper it to you . . . JACK: ...... MooPa : . . . . . H®. . . . .Gee, she gets more than Mel B1ane . . : Mr . Bonny, I.We11, KIRSTEN hope you're not concerned about the finen7oial arrangements . : Ch no no . .that is, I'm not worried for myeelf. JACK . .I'm worried about the rest of my cast, they'll have .to take a out, you Imow . . .Mias Kirsten, rfiat number have you and theboye preparcv3? HIRSTEN : The Quartot from Rigoletto . . . . JACK: Oh, we'.1 that should be wonderful on the shcw . .May we hear it now? KIRSTEN : Certainly : Don, announce. JACK it now just the way we're gonna do it on the show, will you? DON : Okay . . .LADIES AND GENTLFMM, TONIGHT WE RAVE THE PRIVIID3E OF BRINGING YOU THE QUFlRTETFROM RIGOLE4T0 WITH TNE . SPORTSMEN QUARTET . .AND STARRINO MISS DORC/fHY KIRSTEN OF THE METROPOLITAN OPERA . P fliYf 0 1 0310841 -I7- MIS9 KIRSTEN & QUARTLT ; (FIRST PART IN ITALIANI) L 3 M F T THAT'S TNE ONE AND QtLY SMOKE FOR ME . THEY'RE SO ROUND AND FIAM AND M1LLY PACNFD AND THBY'RE 30 VERY F'REE AND BASY@1 TNB DRAW FOR DEEP SMO%INO THERE'S NOTRINO FINER THEY OROW TOBACCO IN CAROLINA . Oa, L 3 M F T . .L 3 M F T . .L 3 M F T . .L 3 M F T a1SY`RE SO ROUND YES SIR 30 FULLY PACI® . Ph[Y 3URE . SO FREE AND EASY ON THE DRAW YOU HET 3MOKE LUCKY STRI KE (APPli,USE) 41 RT}l01 0310842 (~~) -ie- J~~ JACK : Dorothy . . . . I must call you Dorothy now . . .That was eimply superb :Thank you, Jack, DENNIS . KIHSTEN : My mother wanted me to become an opsra singer . KII2STEN :We11, it's a very exciting profe9sion, :but it requires . . intensive voice training ...... I studied ten yearrs . - . JACK: In Milan? - .IRSTEN :No, Doo Wah Ditty . : Oh, oh ., .Well Dorothy, when you do thiesame number. JACK on the show, I'd like to ask you a favor .,when you finish the number, don't leave the stage, we mey want an encore . SIHSTSN :Very well, Jack . . .nnd now there ' s something I'd like to ask you . JACK : What is it?, SIHSTE:N :Where did you get those darling open-toed shoes? JACK : Oh these . . .I'm sorry, I meant to take them off, .It's a long story . . .Here's whc.t hnppened -- SEL : (OFF) SVERYBODY ON STi,GE,,,EVERY80DY ON STeaIG, .,TfIE PR00£2M CAIS ON IN TWO MDVUPSS : Comu on, Dorotky . . .come. J_CK on kids . .and let's give them s great show . ( .1PPLnL6$ AND PLAYOFF) ATXO1 031 0 843 (~~) -ie- J~~ JACK : Dorothy . . . . I must call you Dorothy now . . .That was eimply superb :Thank you, Jack, DENNIS . KIHSTEN : My mother wanted me to become an opsra singer . KII2STEN :We11, it's a very exciting profe9sion, :but it requires . . intensive voice training ...... I studied ten yearrs . - . JACK: In Milan? - .IRSTEN :No, Doo Wah Ditty . : Oh, oh ., .Well Dorothy, when you do thiesame number. JACK on the show, I'd like to ask you a favor .,when you finish the number, don't leave the stage, we mey want an encore . SIHSTSN :Very well, Jack . . .nnd now there ' s something I'd like to ask you . JACK : What is it?, SIHSTE:N :Where did you get those darling open-toed shoes? JACK : Oh these . . .I'm sorry, I meant to take them off, .It's a long story . . .Here's whc.t hnppened -- SEL : (OFF) SVERYBODY ON STi,GE,,,EVERY80DY ON STeaIG, .,TfIE PR00£2M CAIS ON IN TWO MDVUPSS : Comu on, Dorotky . . .come. J_CK on kids . .and let's give them s great show . ( .1PPLnL6$ AND PLAYOFF) ATXO1 031 0 843 `_ . ThG -20- JACK: Be sure to listen to the Phil Harris - Alioe Faye Show on Sundays and "A Day In 7he Life of Dennis Day" onWednesda .ye . . .I want to thank Miee Dorothy Itireten of the Metropolitan Cpera for helping us out tonight ., .en0.I also want to thank Ronald Colman for helping .meaorose the street . . .Atn new if you ' ll excuse me, .folke, my feet are killing me . . . Goodnight, 4wes . . P RiY{C11 0 31 0 644 JACK SENNY PRCGRAM . -8- 4-25-48 CLIHING CCMHERCIAL RUYSLNEL : INDEPINDENT TOSqCCC EXPER'L13 -- AGAIN NAME UJCKY STRI[Di -- FIRST CHOICE -- UJCKY STRI[q; -- FIR9T CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER SRAtdD. . BOONE : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AM:RICAN) . LAING: The famous Crossley Poll haa j ust completed an impartial . survey in eleven southern tobacco states . This Poll -- taken among tobacco e xp erts -- reveals the smoking preferenoe of the men who really lmow tobacco . Yea Rt1YS1NEL: For their own personal smoking enjoyment -- INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPEFQB -- AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE -- FIFST CHOICE . -- UJCKY STR.PSE -- FIR5T CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER ERAND : These are the experta -- auctioneers,'buyere and . 7AING warehousemen -- and we believe their overnhelming preference for Lucky Strike has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Luckies . HUYSAIEL : You've heard the Poll results -- now listen to what Mr . Furney Sinmions King, independent buyer from Lexington, Kentucky, recently said : Season after season I've seen: VOICE the makers of Lucky Strike buy real fine tobacco -- ripe, light tobacco that makes a swell smoke . I've smoked Luckies 19 years . IAING: So for your own real, deep-dovm smoking en,{oyment -- remember -- Ri1YS DAEL: IS - MFT IS - MFS ~y IAING: Lucky Strike means fine tobacco -- so ivund, so fiim, so ftilly packed, so free and easy on the draw . t AiYl 0 1 0310845 y-V :3nt ::0 tPNttf ,, PROORAM #31 REVILffA SCRIPT AS " B14JOADCAST AMHRiICAN TOH4000 OOMPANY LUCRY STRIKE TRE JACK BFMNY PROGRAM SUNDAY, MAY 2, 1948 NBC k :00 - 4 :30 PM - PST . Rt"901 03 1084? Tk~ ACK BENNY PROGRAM -A- 5h46 OPENING CCNSN~' THE.RCIAL L4INGS JACK BENNY PRCCRAM -- presented by IACKY STRIKE . RIGGS : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) LAING ; Iucky Strike -- and Lycky Strike alone -- offers you important evidenoe gathered in the tobacco country byy the world-famous Crossley Poll . Thie evidence reveale the emoking preference of auctioneers, tnayers and warebousemen -- the men who really know tobaoao . Here'e ehat the Crossley Poll found : For their own personal. RUIBDAEL smoking en j oyment INDEPEtIDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS -- NAME LUCKY STRIIQ+. -- FIRBT CHOICE . AGAIN OVER ANY OTHER-- LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE, BRAND. L4ING : These experte know their business . Their overwhelming preference for Lucky Strike, we believe, has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase deep-down smoking enJoymentfor Luckies and to the real, you may expect from fine tobacco . And when these veteran tobacco experts name Lucky Strike -- first choice for their own personal amoking enjoyment, then you know . . . RUYSDAEL : LS - NFT LS - W1' LAING : Lucky Strike means fine tobacco -- and in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts . So smoke the emoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lucky Strike . Remember -- RIIYSDAEL : INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS -- ~ , ' AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOIOE,~~OVER ANY S I :R a~ BRADID . ATY{01 031 OB46 (FIRST ROUTINE) _I . - (AFTER CCNPAERCIAL . .MUSIC UP AND D(YNN) . DON ; TiE LUCKY STRIKE PROORAM, STARRING ..'.',:K BFSINY . . .WPIIi MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, RO($ESTER, DowiS IY1Y, AND "YOURS TRULY" DON WILSON . (APPIAUSE. .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : LADIES AND GE:dTLNMIN, AS THERE ARE ONLY'EI(HT MORE PROGRAMS LEFT IN TflE CURRkNT LUCKY STRIKE SERIE3, .AT 91IS TIM& I WOULD LIKE TO PAY TRIBUTE TO A MAN Vd[0 FOR RHE PAST 'IISIRTi WEHGS . HAS BROUCdiT JOY AND HAPPINES4 INTO MILLIONS OF AMERICAN HOMES . JACKS Don ' t forget the five hundred and sixty nine thousand trailers. DON : A MAN WHOSE WIT, CHAEdM , AND PERSONALITt HAVE EVDNLRED HIM TO THE HF%:RTB OF HIS PUBLIC . . . JACK : Keep going, Don, we have a half hour : A MAN WHO IS LCfVID, l.IMIRED, AND RFBPECTED. DON BY EVERY MEMBER OF HIS ChST . JACK : How true . DON : A MFSI WHO EVEHY YFfSt AT T{IS TIME PICKS UP OUR OPTIONS . . . .y:(.~k 4.--ww, JTCKf Oh,-so-thats-i.t. ` `. DOW: JACK-BIIPN]: (APPTi1USE) JACK; Thank you, thank you . .Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking . .and Don„f-3e9aw-ye:rwere-trying'to-be-olever}-but thet~--abont-ae--aubt2sas-3ohn-L,-LewLa-sending a-ua3entine-taJUdge-GOldaborougk~.B'xt Since you brought the matter up, I suppose you received the contract I mailed you for next season . - DoN : Yes, I did, Jack, end I'm not quite satisfied with sane of the clauses . JACK: Huh? RTH 0 1 0 310649 -2- DON : . After serving you faithfully for fourteen years, IPm • surprised that you had the effrontery to presentme with a contract that was not only ineultina but relegates me to a position that no self-respecting man would accept . JACK: Well! . . . ee4- De2F: 1 -JA81F. .R91sBR.fIIid- dirg ~AcK ; Tx_Whst s , y w complaint, BenR ~i1Ny :.Qa M t DON : Well, here's the situation, Jack . .You get a lot of laughs at the expense of my being fat . . JACK: Uh huh . . DON : And this year my weekly salary has been at the rate of two dollars a pound . JACK: Uh huh . DON : So I think it 1 s only fair that next year I get .three dollars a pound . . . . JACK: 7hree bucks a polmd, eh? . .Don I wouldn ' t give you three dollars a pound 1f all your fat was trimmed off andyou were hanging on a hook . . .Anyway, the raise I offered you is as high as I can go . .Now what do you say? DON : I can't sign the contract now, Jack . . :'ll have to talk it over with the little womrin .CK: Oh, you and the little. JF woman . .haventt you got a mind of your o:m? DON : Yes, but I respect my wife's opinion . Ilm very devoted to her . JACK: I see . . DON : After all, I l m home with her every day except Sunday . ATYSO 1 0 310850 JACK: Well, I can fix that, too . . .Now look, Don, I've been very ' fair about this Wnole thing and I ttrh'LF-0h, hello, Mary . MARY: Hello Jack . .Wnat are you talking about? JA CK: Oh . .Don isn't satisfied with his new contract for next season . MARY : He isn't? JACK : No . MAFK : Oh my goodness, and after all you've done for him . J6CK: Well, that's the way it goes, Mary . .there isn't .much gratitude in this business ; Why, Don Wilson, you ought to. NdIHY be-- J6CK : Never mind, Mary . .Thanks ,just the same . .By the way, have you read your new contract? . N4',HY : Yeah . :Nha .t're 1ou tr in to do, bring back sla ~ery? .u JACK : Oh, so I'm going to have trouble with you, too7.What's wrong with your contract? M :,HY ; I don't like ClEuse Seven . . M.L_.~- ...~/ J6CK : Clause Seven? . . .Oh, Mary .it Only happens once or twice a .I year . [VL ;P.Y ; I don't ce*e . .if you buy a turkey, kill it youaelf : Mary, can I help it if I'm sentlmentel? . . JhCK Nu,RY : Ycu're not sentSmantal . . .When you pay for a whole turkey, you hate to choc anyt.h.ing off. Ji.CK : Oh stop . ' NJ.KY : Sentimental . .You even use the head for badminton : I stopped doing that .~I couldn't stand the way it came ovor the not staring at me . JACK . .Anyway Mary, you've got a lot of narve complaining about your contract . ./Ster e11-- PHIL : H'YF, JACKSON, H'Y6 DON . . . .HELLO, LIVVY . MF.RY : (Il, UQiINGLY) Hello, Phil . F?TYS 0 1 031 085 1 -4- JGCK: Phil, it's about time you got here . What made you,AA].ate? PHIL : It ain't my fault, Jackson . .I had plenty of time to get here, but just as I left the house, Alice fainted ; C~h~ n~y, goodness . .that must've scared you to death. J6CK . PHIL : No-ne; it happens every time I kiss her goodbye, . . MFlHY : Oh brother! PHIL : That's what she said as she hit the floor . . . . JACK : Phil . .Phil, do you really have that effect on Alice? PHIL : Jackson, she won't even let me shave with a mirror . .She don't want my love divided ; Phll . .if I pal.d vou . JACKby the pound, your head would ruin me . . Now look, just pick up your baton and let's have a band number . PHIL : Oh no, Jackson, I a1.n i t making with the down-beat till I talk . to you about that new contract you sentme . .My lawyers don't like it . JA CK ; Your lawyers? Who are they? PHIL : Kirchy, Bagby, Fletcher, and Fink . Oh . .VJell Phil, just what is it you and your lawyers object to in the contract? : 'Ne 9on't like the clause that ssys I've. PHIL gotta got to bed on Saturday night before three a .m . JLCK; Well, it's for your own good, Phil . - fter all, you have a program to do on Sunday, and I want you to look bright and fresh . PHIL : I know, but if I lose that red glow in my eyes, I 3in't got no personality . . P Ar 901 03 1 0 e 52 -5- JACK: Phi1,I've~ been playing badminton with a turkey head for two years and it looks better than you do . .hnyway, I'1l talk to your lawyers about your contract later, but right now, let's have a band number . PHIL ; Okay Jackson, what would you like to hear? JF,CK : Henry Busso, but I'm stuck with you . . .(3o ahead, play enything . (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : Hold it a minute, Phi1 . .CCME IN . . . (BOUND : DOOR OPINS) JACK : Well, look who's hore .RTIE: Pardon the intrasion, . F Mr . Benny . JACK : Hello Mr . Kitzol . (bPPL,UBE) JFAK: Well, Mr . Kitzol, it's certainly nice to see you . i,RTiE : I'm sorry to bother you, but I wonder 1f you could spare a tieket to your next week's broadcast for my uncle vt;o is •,1=lting me from the East . J.CK ; OR, you have an uncle visiting you, eh? What part of the - - Ecst is he from? ARTIE : Pcmcna . ' Ji',CIC : Ch, oh . :'7e1l, anyvJay Mr . Kitzel, I'll be very gl .d to give your uncle c ticket . ,, RTIE : Thank you and for this he will send you a box of orenges . . .He own s an orange grove . JACK : ;,n orange grove? . . .Oh, of course, Pomona is in the citrus belt . i.RTIE : Belt . .suspenders . . .during the drought, he lost his pants . JACK : Oh woll, that's too bad . RT}i 0 1 0310853 -6- hRTIE : Thank you . .6nyway Mr. Benny, I hope my wife erl.ll have better luck . .JLCK : Your wife? FWIE: Yes, she is opening a restaurant on Olvera Street . .called Mama Kitzel's Adobe Hacienda . . J.CK: But Mr . Kitzel, that's Spanish . . .con your wife cook Spanish food? F , RTIE: HOC 1100 H00. . .She specializes in tamales with Sour Cream . . Enchiladas with chopped,liver . .Chili Con Corned Beef . .and Spanish B,k4tst2s. JnCK ; Spanish B}intzs. .Wnat's that%' ARTIE : :: herring thati,ls-wekinK alesta on top of a slice of cnion . JiAK ; Well, that sounds novel . , nRTIE ; r,nd the tortillas you'll be crazy about .-Io JnCK ; Tortillas? i,RTIE : That's a Crepe Suzotte that shouldn't happen to a dog :;CK; Ch . . .L4e11, Mr . Kitzel, let me Imow when you open your .J restaurant and I'11 come down and visit you . nRTIE : °uenos Dius, SiG::or . JACK : Coodbye . r.@TIE: SNhat did I say? . . .-(SCUf7D : DOCR SL : E) :MS) (6PPli,U JACK : Mama Kitzol's i ,doce Haclenda . .That's a good name . .All right, Phil, let's hnvc the manber . . (i,PFL :.USE) . (BAIVD NLMBEft) (nPPI:,USE) RT}S 0 1 0310854 (3ECOND ROUTINE ) ✓ /.~LZ;: ~ .,~c ., . _.t.,> qe.Y '~d :C~ . .!rw~~-~,~t ~. .aei _ .~~.L2- ~/ JACK: That was "The Nov; Looks played~ by Phil Harris and his Gin Runnrly Orchestro. . . .Elghteen rumanies full of gin . . .I+nd now, ladles and gentlemen for our-- lN,RY : - Say Jack, where's Dennis ;~ I don t tknow, but I hope? Jf,CK he gets here pretty soon . I rranta talk to him about his new contract for next year . MhHY : A new contract for Dennis? I thought youhad him signed up till next Haloyfs Comet . J:.CK ; Well, We the semo contract, Mary, but I added a new olause . PHIL: Hey Liv.sg, you shoulde seen the clause Jadkson tried to get into my contract . Ji,CK: Never mind . aS.HY : What was it, Phil ; If I ever find a dime? PHIL . .before I can spend it, I gotte. call Jackson and find out if he lost one . ";CK; Phil, I,j!!t did that for a gag . .where ' s your scnse of aumor? I mean, just because-- (SOUND; PHONE RING3 :~~.CK : Maybe that I s Detmis . .I ' 11 get) ~ it . (SOUND: RECEiVER UP ) T0 :{ : Hcllc . RC<1i : HEL;:,O, MR . BFIIRJY . .'7iIS IS ROCHESTII2, J:,C;C : Hello, Rochuster, what do you want ? ROCH : V VE BEEN LIST47dING TO THE PROGFAM, BOSS, A ND IT OCCURRM~ TO ME T$ W WE tG,V1Td" T DISCU&SED MY CONTRf.CT YET. P FTX01 0310855 -B- JFlCK : Well Rochester, you've been working in my house for ten yenrs and I feel there's no necessity for a written contract . ROCH : UH HUH : Everything. JACK is perfectly clear snd we have what ie knowp as a verbal agreement : UH HUH . . ROCEi Jf.CK: That means we have a mutual understanding . . . . Why put things on paper . .The emount of money involved is too small . ROCH : IIi6T'S WR6T I MFfN . .LEP'S GET IT UP1 JACK: Yon'11 be taken care of . .and believe me, Rochester, there's no necessity for a written contract : BUT MY AT'1CIRNEYS nDVISID IT, WHERFF~S. ROCtI r.ND Tb WIT . JhCK: Your attorneys? Wno are they? . ROCH : RIFMUS, BIMUS, SUG(, RFOOT, iND SSaIY'IISE. . . JACR ; Oh, well, tell Remus, Bemus, Sugarfoot, end Smythe to got in touch with Sirchy, Bagby, Fletcher, ond Fink . . .Let thom .handle it . ROCH : IT'S SHE Sr .ME FI:8+1 . .Ti1EY'V GOT ~; BRudCH ON CINTR'S, i.`.'FTIUE. JACK : Oh . . .well, anyway Rochester, you've got r.othing to worry ebeuc . .I'm giving you a subater.tial r a lse next year . ROCi ; SUDSTiNTIAL? JACK : YeA, you know v,hat the wor3 means, don't you? . ROCIi : I AIN'T ILLITEft' .TE, I'M SKEPTIC',L, JACK : Well, you're getting lt, so don't let it bother you . . .I'11 soo you l,:tar . .u'oodbye . ROCH : G00DBYE, OH Si .Y, DOSS . . JACK : Now what? ROCH : ARE YOU STILL GONNA R` .VE CCMPi.NY FOR DINNF72 TCMORRCW NI(HT? 81- }lO1 03 10656 -9- JACK: Oh yes, i'm glsd you reminded me . .You better run down to the storo and get a leg of lamb : A LDC OF IiJ.B? . .WHY DON'T YOU. ROCH GET E+ TUHKBY? J6CK : Why? ROCFI ; f.FTER DINNER TFIEi MAY WAN7K PLfiY BfSMINTON . JACK ; No . .just get a leg of lomb and a small squab . . . . Goodbye . ROCH : GOGDHYE . .FfEE-H-P,E-H-EE~{~.-.-D0990NE~~P-FE° nun.--ar, ,D :...... C:... ..,fN6-R-FMv R86H&nTiRIL RBt4l: OH; -HFGUSE#E,-BOS.~-YTtiOUQiT-3-NUNB-tlY' . .(SOUND : LOUD RECE1VIIi DCWN) . J.CK : He-bet"tar _tah-hiff1e-1T - .Oh Don .,DOn ., DDN : Yes Jack . JACK : I chink right now would be a good time for a ccnvnercieL . DON : But Jack, 'he quartet isn't here . Hcw are we gonna get laughs? ~b !a . J6CK: .~ It's simple . .Remember a few weeks ago when you did the ccr:acercl=l wearing that old straw hat? People loved that . . DON : I :,~iow Ja.k, but we don't wanta do th :.t agcin. . Ji,CIQ We 3cn't have to, Don . .The idea is tc give the peoplo scmething different . DON : What do ycu me..vi? . JACK : Every announcer in radio reads his corcmercial standing up at the microphona . DON : Vlcl :, hcw also o^n you do it? JACK : You ean lie down . DON ; What" 0 Arx 0 1 0 310657 -10- JACK : Go ahead, Don . .lie dovm on the floor . .I'll bot you the / audience * 11 be crazy about It . DON: But Jack, I think it's silly to do a cofmrercial lying down on the-,- , JACK : Heav . .beliave me, I know what I'm talking about : .lie down . DON : N4 Okay . (/ ' .~ -w' i,PC G~~4.h LVZwiL-n, - .O'dh~ W-f GClfwY; U~d r JACK ; But do lt gently, we don't want 1 to disturb theselemogr aph at Berkeley . (JACK GCES TO DON I S MIKE . .DON GETS DCWN ON TiiE FLOOR ON HIS B~ CK) JACK : Novi Don, I'11 hold the microphone down e3ceo to your face . . . Tbere: .Now, go ehead, Dor. . .read the convnereial : ='i Ckey . . .L 5, M F T„L 5, M F T . .LUCKY STRIKE MF6NS. DON FINE TCPriCCO .,YES, LUCKY STRIKE MFlSlS FINE TO&ACCO . .AND IN :. CIG:RETTE IT'S 'tiiE 'NBACCO 9ii .T COUNTS . .SO SM0KE THE 5d0IM TOBACCO EXPERTS SvICKE . .LUCKY STRIKE . .SO ROUND, SO FIFAi, 50 F'UL,Y Pf,CKED, SO F REB aQD F}' .SY ON 'IliE DRi.W . Ji X K: Don, talk louder, the radio waves aren't getting over your st = ach . .go .:hee.d . .contirwa : i ,H'VE BEFN °3dOKIY' LUChY.' STRIi{ES. BON FOR NICE ONTO TWENIY-FrdE YE- ,S BECAUSE I'VE SEEN 9iE 1•"r1CrR5 OF LUCKY STRIKE BUY T u.T FINE, TH/,T LI(3[T, M 1T i1:, `IUW,LLY MIID TOBACCO . JGCK : nl ; right, folks . .~ve.sn't that clover7 ;USE) . (hPPL (DON GETS UP DURING i,PPL ;USE) J,C1C : You sae, Don, .you didgat laughs . .and I've got e Lulu for coxt week . .You're gonna rond the convneroial with your he ;.d stloking out of a cement mixer, Arx 0 i 03 i 08 5 8 MARY ; Say Jack, v.Mile you and Don were doingthat .classy coumercial, a note come for you, JGCK: , , Who ' s it from? MLRY : Dennis Day .CK: Fnom Dennis?. Ji What does it say? Ml.R1 ; It says, "DN3'.R MR. BE.iNY .,MX MOYHER WON' T LET ME BE ON Ti[E PROGFAM UNTIL SHE D'+LKS TO y0U ABOUT MY NEN CONTRACT . YOUR LOYAL SUBJEOT, DFISNIS IY.Y . ° Ji.CK : Well, how do you like that . . NuLRY :U'~"rNait a minute, Jack, thereIs more ; More? . Ji,CK MAFY : Yeeh . ."2,S,,,I FOUND A DIME TODAY, PLH9,SE LET ME KYON AS SOON AS POSSIBLE .:S TdE GOOD HLMOR MAN IS WhITING," JAC%; Imagine Dennis not showing up . .He's supposed to sing, . ... r !~,, Wnat I ro wo going to do for n song? ----4-- . - ; __" . . - . . , .. ._.. -, . . . .,_ .. ,.. .,,- ._ . .--_ c DON : .`- 3s.y Jack, I've got an idea . J:,C6 ; Wnet is it, Don? D OY: rr¢nk Sinatra is rehearsing a speclel broadcast in Studio B ., .dNCybe he'll come over and help you out . 7,C-i : Sinatra? . .Scy, that would be great . .Oh Mary, will you ploase go ovor to St'-:dio B, and if Sinatra is there, ask him if he'll come ovor, will you? J ...- .--.; [.~ NV;!U~ tHc:ry~Tack, .Ii},l~be-right--baok.- . (SOAVD : FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPIIJB .,CLOSES .,FC6 '~5) bVRRi : Beforege-1ngD`Jer'tD'Frankieys$tUQ16~'l~Ctter-et®p-SittO ~~ee-H'-ttiv-medce-uP-le-on-okay .- . (£BUND:-RCATSTF7uS..'tF}OOR`~E'~- . Rr 8 01 0310859 -12` l - hVIRY : Ye¢ha--guoss-everything looke all right . . .I better see if ny stockings are stmight . .Or maybe Fm.nkie'd like it better if I'd roll them down . . . . There, thot']1 do it . . (SOUNDt COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS. .DOOR CL08EQ. .FOOTSTFPB .i.SUST6IN IN B6CKGROUND) Ni,RY ; Let's eee1~, Studio B is at the other end of the hall . .(HUdB LOVE IN BLOCM) . .No, that's Jeck's tune . .He's liable to sue me . .Gosh, I'11 bet millions of girls all over the country would love to be in my ploce right now. .Going to see Fra:Ilc Sinatra . . .but I don't feel any different . .It hnsn't the (VOICE TR'.II,S OFF) slightest effect on me at a11 . .(NERVOUS GIGGL^s) (FI a1LY) Steady girl, steedy . . . . well, here goes . (SOUND : DCOR OPFNS) _ I SINLTRq;OFF MIxE) -r41 right, fellowe . .nwrE-'d-iike-ta reheerse, "But Beautiful" once more . (~.PPL',US^a) (SIN:.TR.'.IS SONG . . "BUT BFr,UTI:UL") . (dPPI"USE) Rrx 01 0 310 e 60 (9iIRD ROUTINE) y~.~ .~~e, -vi .a.a-~yz..at, ro.~.~. SINLTRFy' Thankj'fellows~ that was-fino;,,That'11 be enough for today. MhRt : Oh Frank .,Frankie . SINATRA : Huh? Oh hello Mary . . MI.RY : Hello Frankie . .nice seeing you again . ~av SINATRA : Nice seeing you . . .Gosh, you sure look gorgeous today , Mary . . . NY,RY : (PAUSE) Sto,^.dy girl, steady . . .Say Frank, I oame to ask you to step over to our studio, Jack would like to see you . SINATRA : Well, thet'se coincidence . . .I wasfust going over to see J ok myself . .I'm a little peeved at him, .He's ruining my . singing on the Hit Parade . . . bU,RY ;~.U.M,I 1 cm 't :mderstand . How oan Jack hurt your singing? SINATRA : I can't hit those high notes anymore . .he puts too much starch in my collars . . NGI RY : . . .Oh . .well, that's Rochester's fault . .Jack's specialty is rough dry . UL _, , SINATRA : And that isc't my only complnlnt . . .Yasterday my bundle of laundry c .me back and two of my hendkerchlefs were missing . . and they won the 'n..ndkerehiefs that 9tfg Crosby gave me for my 'cirthdc.y - RY :',; ..., How do you know. N they were the handkerchiefs Ding gave you? SINf,TR' . ; They had chlorofonn on them . W.RY ; Well, Jeck dcasn't want to soe you about the laur.dry„He'd like to have you sing a song .on his program . FR1NK: Today? MARY : Yes . .right now . w~. SINA TRl, ; Woll, cane on . .let's go over and Pll talk to him ; FOOTSTF3S) . (SCUND Rrx 01 0 310 e 61 SINATRG: Where's Jack broadcasting from, Mary? MAIY : Right here in Studio "C" . . .let's go in ; Wait a minuta,Mary . .I'1l open the door. SIN6TR& for you . (SOUND : DOOR KNOB TURNS) SIW;TRh : (GRUNTS) (SOUND: DOOR KNOB TURNS F,(YSN) SINATFF, : (GRUNTS 6G'SN) . (SOUND; DOOR KNOB TURNS f.ND DOOR OPENS) SINi,TW+ : 2hanks, Mary . MFlRY ; Oh, thatTs all right, I kill turkeys, too . JACK : (OFF MIKE) FSM LISTAN DON, IF FRID f,LLIIP 'b[INKS HE'S 74L ;T FO:LY, HE'S GOT F, . . .oH, HELIA, F&SRffE . SINATBF.: Hello Jack . . .did you want to see me? . . , J',CK: Yes yes . .ccme right 1n . . .by the way, you know my gang, don't you? 518r .TiU', : Sure . . .wherets Don Wilson? JACK : Anyplace you look . . .Hey Don, here's Frank Sinatra . DON : : ' Hello, Fr.:'ilde, SINLTIU. : ;,T DON) Holy smoke, I'ti surroundedl JACK: Yes, yes . .there is quite a difference in your size . DON: I've got c goose pimple bigger t,en him . JGOK: Don, pleaee . .go lie dovn;. .NOw Frank, I t 11 got right to the point . . .Dannis couldn't be here today, so I'd like to have you sing :a song on my program . SIH~,TRA : We11 . . -'•- - JhCK : Oh it's strictly business, Fr°.nk . .I intond to pny you . SINATPi, : You're gonna . .pay? JACK : Certainly . . (SOqND: 'HiREE FAST DLQS ON PHONE) . fliY{01 0 31 0 662 -15- JLCKt Frank, what are you doing? SINGTFIr, I'm calling BKO . . . . This is another Miracle of The Belle . J,CK; Well, you ecn hang up and we'll talk buslness . .Now how much would you want to sing just one song? SIN6TRla Five thousand dollars ;CKt (VERY LONG PAUSE) . J MAHY: (ON CUE) Why doesn't he fall down, I know he fainted . JACK; Mary, please . . .We11 look, Frank, .for five thousand dollars, you sing both jthe ~ver~se o~nd the chorus of a song, don't you? SINi.TFi~. : Serte#~r].y . ~~1 - .u-Y~w-;-hv . JACK : iT~h . . .Now Frcailc, most,people don't keow the ve~ae m„- .- any :m.y . . .whet would you charge £cr just the chorus? SIN,,TR/. ; mrea th, .uscnd dollars, J6CK ; Hr,mui .,lVell we won't need a whole chorus . . .nt to be cut off the eir egeln ..You see, I wouldn't uc .Now how much c:ould you c'oarge me for . .sny, .sixteen bars? SI?li,TFi, ; r fteen hundred dollars . . J1Cg: ., e, thst's almost a hundred dollsrs .a ber . .Can't you glve r..e scmetining a little less expenslve? SIDL,Tv . : For ton bucks I can blow my nose in C Shcrp . : 1~~-,t J:Cn : So no, _rr.nlcie . . .I know you're sho .^ttwo hcndkorchiefs . SIK•~TR. : Now look Jcck, what's the use of dickoring . . .my price is five t'nousand dollars -. .r JACK ; Now Io6R Fr^nk, .let's compranise . .S'll give you five hundred dollars . . SINIiTR'. : Fivo tnous,nd . ' JACK : . .,Five hur.d .ed r.nd one . - \ P fiTM 0 1 03108 6 3 -16- SINi.TRh ; Four thousand nine hundred aR& ninety nine . . Ji.CK : . . . . .Five hundred and two . SIN6TH6 ; Four thousand nine hundred and ninety eight . J6CK: . . . .Five hundred and three . . : THREE DIl.I9. (SOUND ON PHONE) JbCK : Mary, what ere you doing? Mi,HY ; I'm calling Paroraount, this is going to be another Lost Weekend . JICK; Never mind ., .Now Frnnk . . .since we f r5 s o~ Wc~l'o~'se to an agrooment on price . .why don l t~y~u,ijust d'o .your song and we'll settle it after the progrom . .We shouldn't h^ggle in fror.t of the audience . .It me.kes you look cheap ...... Now oomc on, sing your song . ~_ urue a Well, .but sto l s , me? SISL'i'Po'u okay Jcck . . I going to accanpany JACK ; Phil Harris ' s Orchestra . SIN~,TR. : Oh, no no no no . S,CiC ; Wait a minute, Frankie, a few weeks ago on my show .they accompanied 9ing Crosby . I]arow but here already made his . JLC.Ct jj~h, well, I'll tell you what . .I ' ll acccmpany you on the v iolin and Frank Ramley on the guitar . SIW.THA : Frank Remley? JLCK: `' ' 1t;at ' s Ph1l Harris l s Nature Boy . . . .Now I ' ll get r.+v violin snd-- (SOUND . .oxcuse: PHONE RINGS) J6CiQ Oh darn it me, Frank ; RECENER UP). (SOUND Ai7S01 0310664 JACK: Hello . ROCH: HELLO, MR . BIIdN7C . .'IIIIS IS ROCHE4TER AGAIN . . JACK; *, .what is it, this time Rochester? . ROCN: WELL, I'M LISTININO TO YOUR PROOFf4v1„AND I JUST HFARD FRANK SINATRA. JACK: That's right . .he's here . .What about it? ROCH : BOSS, YOU'VE GOT TO GET AN OSCAR TO GIVE BACK RO MR . COIMAN, J,CK; Yes ; WELL,. ROCH MR . SINfiTRA WON AN OSCAR A COUPLE OF YBARS AGO ID~l 7~ PICTUREa-^a .'CTfl•ELHOUSE I I,ffiS IN," JACK: Say, that's right . .he d1d. .,I wonder if he'd lend it to me .ROCHt HE MIGiT IF HE HASN'T TdROWN IT AWAY ; Now why in the world would he throW an Oscar aNay? ROCH .JACK ; COULD BE JE,LOUSY .,IT WEIQ{S MORE 7HAH HEDOES . J,CK; Gee, Rochester . .I'm glad you told me about it . .and by the way, I think you'ro putting a little too much starch in Mr . Sinatra's collcss . . .he looks like a dehydrated Herbert Hoover . .BO crseful ..u-wtt ROCH ; I WILL. .,GOODBYE, . , . Ji,CK: Goodbye . (SOUND : RE7EIVER DCWN) ~}M1 SINI,TR\ : I'm all ready now, Jcek .lget your violin and we'11-- 1 JACK: Look Frank, let's hold the song for a minute . . .I wont to talk to you/aboIu,t something very important ;,TR; : What is itRl.aa'Z ~ JACK . BIN : No, $f, .not hore . .Iet's go out in the hall . SINi,TR',c Okay . . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS. .DOOR OPENS AND CIASES, .MORE FOOTSTEPS) fiTM01 0 31 08 65 JACK : Frank, I'm not going to beat arownd the busEi . . .As you know, I lost Rona.ld ColmanIs Oscar . . .am7 Vve got to get one to replace it . SINATRA: Yes? JACK: Now you won an Oscar, didn't you? GG-4 SINATAA: Yes deok, ',fwon it for "The House I ISve In ." JACK: Well look, Frankie, you can do me a great favor~ . . (SOUND : ELIsC7TRICfS. HUbMING BE3INS FADINU IN GETTING LOUDER AILT:IE T1ME) JACK: I'll only need it for a few weeks . . .You see, I've gotta get an Oscar back to Ronold Colmnn before MEL: HE`_', WOULD YOUSE GUYS MIND MOVING OVER . . .WE'RE TRYIN' Rt7 VAC'JLM THIS Hl,LL . : In a minute, in a minute . .They're always cleaning up . JACK around here . .Now Fr :nkie-- SINAT%. : Yes Jack . JACK : I've never been in such a spot in all my 11fe . .2'm not asking you to give ne the Oscar . .I just went you to lend it to me until-- Mn"'C, NOW LOOK, YOUSE GUYS, I'M TRYIN' TO V.ICUOM TdIS CORRIDOR . . I'M 6SKIN' YOU ONCE MORE TO MOVE . Ji,CK: DonIt be in such a hurry Bud . .Now Fmnkie, look . .How about it . .ISt me have your Oscar . SINATBA : We1l, Jack as long as you're in that kind of a spot and it's only for a few weeks, maybe I can-- (SOUND: LOUD SLIDE VdiISTLE UP) P 8 rts 01 0310 e 66 -19- J4CKt Frank . .Frnnkle . .Frank3e . . .Oh &hrn it, he got too close to the vacuvm eleexeY . . . . Now 1I11 have o go py,teide and wsit ~n:.e,w'~"' till they empty the bng . . :Oh-n*-gooina -3ook-What-;lma• i~ yeQ . (`6oS3pfB: . . . HF&)-" drcEK; PthY,~PttT-li .USE AND PL;YOFF). (FlPPLF . P Hrx 0 1 031086? 1... ~ . ~ -20- JLCK; Il.DIES e1dD GHJTLPMFN, SAVINGS BONDS ARE VI7lGLLY IMPORTANT IN IiE NP.TIONtS BATTLE FlGAINST PRICE INFtf .TION AND FOR 4fIE . FCTURE WE[.Ff.RE OF ffiALWYaT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE CONTSNUETD BUILD FIN/S]CIlJ . SE,p~[1!R~I.TY FOR OUR9ELVES F.ND OUR ($[ILDRE:d . PROTEOT YOUR FUTURE . IS'~•EKTRf. SE7URITY BONDS Na9 . (APPIAUSE) DON ; IhDIE3 AND GIIiTLNMEN, Jr:CK WILL BE BACK IN JUST A MINUTE, BUT FIRST NENETS BkSIL RUYSDAEL . P Hi 8 01 0310866 THR,iACK HENNY PROGRAM ~- 5/2/48 CLOSING Conm ERGIAl. RUYSDAEf.: INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS AGAIN NANE: LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE OVER ANY OTHER. -- LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE, SRAND . BCGNE : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- ANQ:RICAN) . . LAING : The famoue Crossley Poll hee J ust completed an impartial survey in eleven eouthern tobacco states . This Poll -- taken among tobacoo experts -- reveals the smoking preference of '6sie men who really know tobacoo . Yes -- RUY3DAII . : For their own personal smoking enjoyment . -- INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPERTS -- AGAIN NAN1E LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE SACKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY VIID ;R BRANG . LAING : These are the experts -- auctioneera, buyers and warehousemen -- and we believe their overwhelmtng preference for LvekyStrike has a direct relationship to . the quality tobacco we purchaee for Luckiea . RUYSDAF.L: You've heard the Poll results -- now listen to what Mr . . Carl Hartfield, 29 years an independent tobacco buyer, recently said . VOICE : At auction after auction I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine tobacco . . . good, ripe leafthat'e got real swking quality. I've smoked Luckiea 28 yeare . LAING : So for your own real, deep-down emoking enjoyment -- Remember -- RUYSSAE3. : IS - MFT IS - N F 1' LAING : Iucky Strike means fine tobacco -- so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw . Rrx 0 1 0310869 (m ( .G) .¢1- JLCK: Gosh, where could he have emptied that vaouum cleaner . . . I've looked in every rubbish oan in the alley . . . (30UND: TRF+ SH AND BOTI4.ES MOVED AROUND) JACK: Frankle . .Frankle . .Frankie, Wnere are you? . ME[.: (MEOW 4WICE) Jf.CK1 Well, he ' s not in this one : (MEaM1') J(,CK . MEL : Go away, Kitty Z'm working this side of the alley . . . . ~l FRANISIE. . . . Well, there's nothing left for me to do . . . Next week I'll just have to go over and apologize to Ronald Colman . MEL : (MEAW) Rrronald Oolman? ~ . JACK : YesO. .Goodnight, folks . (6PPli-, USE AND PLAYOFF) P Rrx 0 1 0 31 0e w PRCARAM #32 RRVISID SCRIPT . AS 11160AIIOUCA$T Ah1ERICAN TCBACCC COMPANY _ LUCKY STRIKBTHE JACK BENNY PRCCRMI SUNDAY MAY 9, 1948 NBC 4 :00 - 4 :3o PM - PST 8 RT 9 01 0310871 l. ~ ~77E9JA 1K94~F.NNY PROGRAM n OPENING C ~CM,1ERCIAL IAING ; THE JACK 1ENNY PROGRAM -- Presented by LUCKY STRIIQS! BOONE : (CHANT - 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) . IAING : Lucky Strike -- and Lucky Strike alone --- offers you . important evidence gathered ]n the tobacco country by the . world-famous Cmssley Poll . This evidence reveals the . smoking preference of auctioneers, buyere and warehousemen -- the men who reelly know tobaoco . Here%,what the Crossley Poll found - ROYSDAEL: For their own personal smoking enjoyment - INDEPENIENT TOH4CC0 E7CPERlg - AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE -- FIR4T CHOICE : LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER DRAND : LAING : ' These experts lmow their business . Theirove:wheLning prroference for Lucky Strike, we believe, has a direct relationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for Luckies and to the real, deep down smoking enjoyment you may expect from fine tobacco . And when these veteran tobacco experts narne Izxcky Strike -- firstchoic.e for their ovm pe rsonal smoking enjoyment, then you ]mow . . . RUYSDAEL: IS - M1'k'T Ls - N FT IAING : L.wky Strike means fine .tobacco -- and in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts . So sirake the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lacky Strike! Remember -- RUYSDAEL : INDEPENDENT TOBACCO EXPER7L4 - AGAIN NAME LUCKY STRIKE-- FIPST CHOICE LUCKY STRIAE -- FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER HRAHD7 pTHq1 0310872 (FIRST ROUPINE) (AFTER CONH''IERCIAL . .MGSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BFd7NY . .WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHESTER, DENNIS DAY, AND "Yomis TRULY" DON WILSON . . (APPfAUSE . . .MUSIC UP AND DON@I) DON : AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN . . .WE TAKE YOU OUT TO JACK BENNY'SHOUSE IN BEVERLY NIIS..9 Wf1E RE WE FIND ROCHESTER CLEANING OUT THE ATTIC . (SOUND : SCUFFLING SOUNDS) ROCH : WELL . . .I GOT ALL THE MAGA2INE4 STACK® UP . . .N01'1 I'LL MOVE THIS BOX OVER ArID---IE[.iA, WHAT'S THIS? . . .HMMM . . .I NEVER SAW THESE BOFORE . . .A BUNDLE OF MR . BENNY'S OLD LOVE Lls`LTERS . .I WONDER IF I SHOULD . . .NO, I'D BE A, j,HF3, IF I READ TH&IN . .BVP X~ . . .WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE . .NOBODY WBUltl KNUW I'M A REE7, BUT ME ., . . .AND I AIN'T GONNA TELL ANYBODY. . . .I THINK T'LL OPEN THIS PINK ONE FIRST . (SOUND : RUSTLING OF PAPER) S Ri 8 01 0 31118 7 3 ROCH : Well, look at thie . .(READINO) ...... MY DARLING BIASSOM BOY" . . . BLOSSOM-B67FR?? ...... I'VE BEEN TNINKINO OF YOU ALL DAY . . .I STILL THRILL TO THE MEMORY OF HOW YOU SAID GOCDNIGAT TO ME AM1 CRUSf0:0 ME IN YOUR POWERFUL ARM4" . . .(Poverful arms? . .That can't be the bogs .) . . ."I KNOW HOw E%C Y U T BE ABOUT HAVING BEEN ELECTED CAPTAIN OF OUR 8CH00L^FOOTQ TEAM, BUT I CAN'T OET OVER YOURRELUCTANCE TO TALK ABOUT IT . . .YOU'RE SO MODEST ...... (Modest? That can't be the boes) ...... WE SURE HAD FUN CELEBRATING YOUR ELECTION ATUCREAM PARLOR . . . . AND WASN'T IT LUCKY THAT I HAD MY P YOU DISCOVERED YOU FOh.Cy.~O~T YOUR MONEY ." THAT'S ~-BOSS : ...... "THANK YOU FOR INVITING M6 TO 00 TO THN JUNIOR PROM WITH YOU ON FRIDAY NIGHT,BUP I'D BETTER MEET YOU ON THE CORNER . . .YOU SEE, DADDY IS VERY ANGRY WITH YOU AND IN A WAY I DON'T BL4ME HIM . . .I KNOA THAT Bt6INFBS IS BUSINESS, BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FORECLOSE ON OUR HOUSE? ...... AND ANOTHER THING-- (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) JACK : (COMIIdG IN) Oh Rochester . . .when you finish up here in the attic, I-- What are you doing with those old letters? ROCH : I-'M PUTPING THEM AWAY . JACK : Rochester, have you been readiqg my old love letters? ROCH : OH NO, BOSS, NOT ME . JACK : Well then, put them away and straighten up this pile of books in the corner . ROCH : OKAY, BLOSSOM BOY . 0 Rrx 01 031 0 8?4 -3 JACK : Oooooohh . . . .so you have been reading them : JUST ONE OF THEM, BOSS . .THE ONE THAT'S SIGNED. ROCH ELOISE . JACK : (THINKING) Elolse? . . . . Oh, yp$,, Eose Stanley . .Rocbeater, you should have seen her . . .Inng goldeu.Qcurle . .Big brown eyes . . . - roey cheeke . .and 1when el~e smiled, sbe had the prettiest gold . brace you ever sAw .t Noww(come on, let's finish straigliteningthe attic . . .Put that~ carton on top of the trunk . ROCH : YES SIR . (GRUNTS ONCE) (SOUND : SCUFFLING SOUImS) . ROCH : HOW ABOUT PUITING THE---BOSS, WHAT ARE YOU TAOKING AT? JACK : This old picture album . . .most of them were taken when I was a kid . ROCH : OH YLAH . . (SOUND : PAGE TURNS) ROCH : SAY, . .WHO'S THAT MAN IN THIS PICTURE HERE . . .A RELATIVE? JACK : No ;~,he was my first violin teacher . . .may he rest in peace . . . And oh look . .here's a picture of me taken when I was two years o1d . . .Look at me lying there in bed hugging that bigteddyg bear . . ROCH : YEAH . . .DOGCONE, IT'S ALMST AS BIG AS TAE ONE YOU SLEEP WITH NOW . JACK ; Not quite . (SOUND ; PAGE TURNS) . JACK : And this is my sister Florence . ROCH : WHO'S THAT ON THE OTHER PAGE? JACK :That's my second violin teaoher . . .msy he rest in peace . . .Oh look . .here's a picture of my graduating olase in grammr school, Arx 0 1 0 310875 ROCH : GEE, THEY SURE ARE A NICE LOOKING BUNCH OF KIDS . .WAPf A . 1 MINUPE, BOSS, I DON'T SEE YOU :<1-I took, the picture, r bad a little. JACK photography tualnees on the side . . . .And look . .here's a picture of our house in Waukegan . ROCH : IT SURE IS A NICE PIACE . . .WHO'S THE MAN STANDING 0UT IN FRONT? JACK :,(1,He's my third violin teacher . . . ROCH ; . ., .(PAUSE) . . .IS HE RESTING IN PE40E? ' . JACK : I don't know, he ran away and joined the Foreign Legion . . .And Rochester . .here'e a picture 78.- . (SOUND : DOOR BUZZER OFF) . JACK : Oh, that mst be eome of my gang . .we're going to rehearse here today. . . . I'11 see you later . (SOUND : IpNG RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DOWN STEPS . .THEN NORMAL WAISED FOOTSTEps) . -!':a;,.i-!req.(J1i<,,, JACK : (SINGS) THERE WAS A BOY. . r . .L4 IA IA IA IA . : BUZZER. (SOUND . .BUT LOUDER AND CLOSER THIS TIMB) JACK : COMING . .COMING . (SOUND : F1eW FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS) JAC & Oh, hello, Dennis : Hello,-Mr . Benny.. DENNIS (GIGGLES) JACK : What are you giggling about, kid? . DENNIS : This morning I went out in my yard and caught a gopher : Why should that maks you laugh? DENNIS . JACK ; I got him in .my shirt and he tickles : Dennis : You've got a gopher inside your. JACK shirt? S RTSl01 0810 8 76 »rxoi 031087? -s- DENNIS : No, I just said that for a joke . .why didn't you laugh? JACK : Joke? DENNIS ; You've got no sense of humor at all . JACK : ~p.. E.Pok Heaxke : ' wonder you've-- DIIJNIS only got one show . JACK : Oh, close the door and coms inside?^^"^^ ~A (SOUND : DOOR SRUTS) DENNIS : Am I on time for rehearsal, Mr . Benny? JACK : You're the first one here . .I asked you to come ~ Iittle early on purpose . . .did you receive your new contWra•ucy? I mailed it to you lest week . DENNIS : Yes, Mr . Benny, but I didn't like it . . JACK : What was wrong? DHNNIS ; There was two cents due on the postage . . JACK : ~8k . .we11, your raise will take care of that . DENNIS : Oh : Anyaay,q. JACK I'm glad you received it . .Did you sign iw the da4bed ddsre? . 1 DENNIS : I was going to, but-my- enbreet hasn't corte back from the doctor yet? { r . JACK : The-doctcn? : My mother knows. DPNNIS how you like to hide clauses, so she's . having it X-Rayed . S prx 01 0310 e ? e . 6 _ JACK: Ch, your mother . .she's nevereatiafied with anything . DENNISe You're wrong about that . .ehe liked the present I gave her this morning for Mother's Day . JACK; Say, today is Mother's Day••What did you .give yois mother, Donnis? DENNIS ; Sanething she's always wanted . .so I had them made for her . . . a set of diahes . .and every dish is shaped like an "L" . JACK : Pdiy would your mother want all her dishes "L" .ehaped? DENNIS ;NIlien she throws them at my father, in case she missee, they come back to her : "L" shaped dishea. JACK . . .that's the silliest thing I ever heard of . DENNISt Yesh . .she hasn't missed in twenty years . JACK : That I can be ll eve . . . t?' DENN ISrWe13:r-everyhaI f•• Sha-got-e tou4r1e:--ef-€~ewe~+sv-e-k,ex-e€ssiY.iy>--nylon .atonkings, . . ee.-r~ger-e .~d-a-::eg3#%oe, . 3A6K;---That was-n ice . 1"}~ , J ncnm~rc . t.mnti ti!t .-rs aet for i~lother.~e a`wa, ~ ri4 t JACK ; DRNMS . . .Wny should I get p•:esente on Mother's Day? DENNIS ; It's in our contract . JACK : Oh yes`, i` . . DENNIS : Geo, I don't kncw whet .to gGt' ~you for Lab:C-De;;~. \ -, JACK:You' 11 think of somet.hingt::.NdIN YSennie, whnt soT7$ EirG, you going to do on tze prcgram this afternoon? . DEN.NIS ; I thou3ht I'd sirg, "I'd Give a Million Tomorrows ." P RTX01 037 0 8 7 9 JACK ; Gocd . . .Ncw rm over it onoe for me before the rest of the garg gets here for rehearsal : Yes sir . DENNIB . (APPIAUSE) (DENNI$'8 80NG--"I'D GIVE A bffLLION TQriORftOWS") (APPIFlUSE) Nrxa1 031 0e 8 0 (BECOND ROUTINE) . -8- DENNIB: How did yo like it, Mr . Benny? c,uun JACK: That wae f non . .and it will probably sowdd even bet~r whan you -- (SOUND : DOOR BUZZEN) JACK: CCME IN . (SOUNDt DOOR OPffiVS) . ' JACK; oh . . .hollo, Mary : Hello Jack . MARY : Well, sunmer. JACK must be just around the corner . . .when you come to rehearsal in a bare midriff . , MARY: Well, at least it's comfortable . ' DNNNIS : Yeeh, but it must be very inconvenient . . MARY : What do you mean inconvenient4 DIIPNIS : No plece to carry a gopher . MFiRY~WheL7 JGCKS--Mary;'Yt~e-toa•sil2gtoo--ta}k•tiboat :T¢~s--wewldirW we~r~n'bare"'mtdrlfY"forenythingv:'- n~sm .. . JACK : Dennis, be qviet . . . . BUt you 1mow, Mery~ I think those~droeso are a little ixmodest : Irmnodest . . .why everybody. MARY out here wears them . JGCK; My girl friend Gladys doesn't : That's not modesty . .she doesn't. WACK went to show her tatooing . JACK; (MOCHING) Tattooing, tattooing . .one little battleship and y0u make a thing out of it . /- / ~ - MARY : AnyxHy-,-ysutve-ge4-Yt-II6 . _~ what you dld,last Thursday dm- nt rna nwnan_ P fiiH 0 1 031 0 881 -9- MhRY : (IAD(${R) JF.CK; Mary, please . MARY ; (LAUQtING) He put on a pair of flame colored swlmning .trunks, and shaved the halr on his chest to spell out "Gorgeous George ." JACK : Mary, I was only having a little fun . . .after all, '%W, you oan't-- RCCFI : (CLMING I" NJ SSY BOSS, I JUST--GH, HELLO MISS LIVINGSTCNE . . . HELLG, MR. IYJ. , NV+RY & DIIVNIS : Hello, Rochester ; Wnat is it, Rochester?. JF,CK . ROCHt I JUST FINISYED CLFi.NING 'IIiE inTSIC FSID I FOUND YOUR BIRTi3 CFIiTIFICATE : nZ birth certificato,. JACK give me that . . .I'11 be back in a minute, Mcry . . .I'm going to put it down in my vault . (SOUND : FCCTSTSPS . . .DCCR CLCSES) DB7VNIS ; Gee, Mr . Benny sure seemed upset about Rochester finding his birth certificate . MARY : Well, Dennis, that's understando.blo . .you see, Mr . Benny is a big star . . .r.nd people in the public eye must keop their privato affairs a secret . ~ cY DENNISt I guess you'ro right . . . .t:ow old do you think Mr . Benny is7 RTYl 0 1 0 31 0 682 _10_ MARY: I don't know, but vinen the pilgrims landed on PlymouthRonk, the first words they heard were "Hello Again ." . .Say Dennis, have you signed your new contract yet? . DFNNIS : No . . . . .my mother doesn't like some of the clauses . .and besides she thinks it ties me up for too long . MARY: How many years does Jack want you to eign up for? DFNNIS : It doesn't say . . .tho clause just recds, "For better, for worse, till death do us purE ." , PMRY : What? // ~~ l~G DENNIS: I don't know whether to sign it or give .him baok-his ring .-~~^ MLRY :guess I'd sign it . . .aftor all we do bave^very bright futuro`. . .You have another show . . .Phil has another show . . . end when Jack opens his swimming pool for the sumner, I have1 the towel concession . . . . So you see, Donnie, we're roally- .d~"! '~ C D~;c~ 'rs~ ;1 JACK : Say Mary . .I happened to look out the window and there's an . express truck out in front of the Colman's . I wonder what's going on? M.RY ; Well, Jack, didn't you know Ronnie and Senita are leaving for &gland tomorrow . JACK ; Gee, I didn't know that . .SO they're going to England, eh? - Mfx RY :--hnd you-know,tharo'sa'possibility-that - ther -eny-meke-RenniB ~'~+'ight • . JGGlCr--•~'lm1 ght? . . JE+CI4----BMehet~r^ Ml,RY : You know, Jack. . .this will be your last chance to go over I - thoro and explain to Ronnie wiiat happened to his Oscar . RTYfO1 0310883 JACK: You're right, Mary . .but(Ji just haven ' t the courage to face him . . . .Maybe if I ~~- (80UND: PHONE RINGS) JACK; Get that, will you, Mary? MF.HY: Okay . (SOUND: EECENER UP) . . Mh6a' ; He11o. . .Mr . Bermy's residonoe . .star of stage, scr9en, and . radic . . .Mary,_the towel girl speaking . PHIL : Oh hello, Liv . .Wnat are you doing at (irent's Tomb? MARY : (LhUCd[S) Phil, where have you been keeping yourself? I haven't soon you for a couple of days ; I just came in from Salton Sea . . .I went. PHIL out there with Guy Lombardo when he tried to break the speedboat recoiYl . . Mf;EY : Gee, that must have been exciting . . PHIL :It sarc was, Livvy . . .you should have seen Lombardo's boat . . i It's twenty five feet long. .and you oughta seethat motor . M6HY : Renlly? PHIL : Yeah . .what a sound when he opened her up . . .Thirteen hundred horse power going (LQv1el.RDO ENDINO) Dmn Dun, Dum de Dwn . M/+HY ; Phil,, whnt did you call for--do you want to spoak to Jack? PHIL : Yoah, is the Queen Bee in the Hive? MFlRY : Just a second, I'll call him . . .It's Phil, Jaok . .he wahts to t alk to you : Ckay . . .Ha1~1o?. JACK PHIL: HS'ya, Dnd: .Ll just called to tell you I'm gonna be late for i rehearsal . JACK : Late? why? ' P 6 rx 01 0310884 -12- PHIL ; Well Sanvny, my drunner, just got married ., .und he asked me to stand up for him . JACK : Well, I hope you made St . . .SoSattmf,fTnoi)y got married . . Was it a nice wedding //4 gHIL : Yeah. .evorything wont along swe11 . .F.Ywopt that just five minutes ago Sveny took a punch at Remley because he caught , him kissing the bride : Phil, at a wedding you're. JACK supposed to kiss the bride . PHIL : I know, but he cau~yt R ey doing it last night . . { '; JACK: , Ch( . . . .GOe, I hope the~ idn ' t spoil the wedding . PHIL: No no . .everything went off fine . .ond what a classy affair . . . the church was filled with flowers . .everybody was dressed boautiful . .then suddenly a hush fell on the crowd . . .end the bride and groom walked slowly down the aisle aa the orgon rt?{-r%' WP/W,, played, °That's What I Like About The South t( e . - . ." ' JACK: Oh, for heaven ' s sake, . .Phll, you mean to say the organ played "That ' s What I Like About the South?" PHIL : Well, whnt ' d ya expect at a wedding, Tiger Rc~7 JACK : No . . . . I guess not . . .unless two tigers are getting married . imyway, Phil, hurry over as soon as you can, will you? PHIL : I ' ll be thero . .Goodbye . JACK : Coodbye . ' ( SCUND : RECENII3 DOWN ) JACK : Phil is going to 'oe a little late, kids, .so as soon as Don comes, we'll start the rehearsal .RY : Look Jaek . .before we start . .donIt. pV you think you ought to go over to Ronald Colman t s house and apologize to him for losing his Oscar? P A rK 01 0310 ee 5 -13- JACK: That can wait till next week . . MARY: But he's leaving for England tasorrow . JACK : I can't help it . . .this whole thing was ColmaaJs fault . MARYe Colman's fault? . JF,CKe Certainly . This never would have ha9ppeped if he hadn't won the Oscar in the first place, 4 .jW . m~iw- =Mqmm Dbl4NIS : Mr . Senny's right . JACK : Certainly . DFS7NIS : Mr . Colman should be smart and make pictures like "The Horn Blows At Midnight . " JACK: You're darn toctin' . . . . Anyway Mary, it wasn't ntVfaul .t bhat the Oscar was stolen from me . r Mf+RY: I know, Jack, but the least you can do is go over end explrSn the whole thing to him . , JACK: Well, okay . . .I'll go over to the Colman's after rehearsal . . . . I hope he's not too angry . (TW+NSITION MUSIC) BF1VIm . : Are you all finished packing, Ronnie? ' COUtidV : I will be in just a minute, Bonita . (APPLIUSE) BIIJIB'. : You know,Renrrie, I'm really thrilled about our trip . COWiANc Yes .,(SICH{5)„Ah to be in IIn glcnd now that Jwnos Mason is . over hero : (L\UC3{5) . BIIvITACh Ronnie . . .Now~hurry end finish your packing : It won't take long . . .I hope we have a nice crossing . . .how. CCIMAN is the weather on the North Atlantic this time of year? P FlT}S01 031 0ee 6 BIIJITFl : It's rather cold and windy . COWJ.N : Oh . . .then I bettor take a ftw pair of the long ones . . .Oh say, Benita did you call tho newspaper office and tell them to forward our copies to London? • BIIV M : No, that would be eilly . . . . they have all the news in the English papers : They don't have. COIMFSI little Orphan Ann~.v` BbNITF. : Yes, they do . . .Only they call he-r~,T"Parentless Penelope ." n COIMFW ; Go good . . . . . BIIVIMs r . .isn't it a shame you haven't the Oscar to take to Nngland with you? COLNf%N : Bonite . .please . .my doctor told me not to discuss that . BFNITI: : Well don't give up hope yet . . .Why don't you go over and speak to Jack Benny . . .the Oscar must be around Waeee-apneplace . . . Things don't just disappear . COIIdfJJ : They don't eh4 . . .Nine years ago a gns man went into Benny's house and hasn't been soen sinee . . . . Now,let's forget it . BENITfi : Very well, I'll help you finish packing . (SOUND : DP.'.WER OPFNS) BINITi. : You'll want to tr1ce these shirts . COIN4Vd : (EXCITID) Uh uh uh, Benita, I'll pack those shirts myself . BINITL : I don't mind helping . .hero, put them in your-- (SOUND : HFF.4Y METhLLIC CLUNK) BENITI, : . . .Ronnie . . . . Ronnie . . .Lock what foll from between these shSrts . . .Your Oscc.r : . . . .Yes . . .yes, so it. COLMAN is . flTX01 0310887 -15- BPNITA ; Well, you ~rtain don1t seem very surprisedat f}n~,n~~g it . / COLNJ.N ; IJ.~„ , , , .,Well, let's"finishk}ngI G V A1/ BENIT 1 ; Ronnie„there l s something very peculiar going on ., .When did , you got your Oscar back? ' COLMlsI : Wo ' ll discuss it on the boat, Benita,,, BINI7Y, ; Wo ' ll discuss it now. .,Tell me everything . COIMAN : All right . .but I don l t know all the details myeelf . . .I ' ll have our chauffeur tell you . (SOUND : COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS„WINDON OPFNS) COIMFJJ ; (CALLS) OH EDDIE„ EDDIE . .WILL YOU PLI7.SE COME IN HERE A ' ir r NfI ryT l (SOUND ; WINDOW DpNN) ~SEPFIS~-Aenn#.er•rvrhe[rdiQ"'yoci-gCt"thH-6eom-b :ch4• tea.~fYer- $Bnny,-3afb^i}premi.btn36r . . /~/ _ ~• .R BFdJIM . ; Ylivwe- .had-#b e}3--the-t•}me• ,And you let Tack Senny suffel• all these weeks? COLdAN ; Yes . .(wILD iJ .UCdi) Life can be bec.utiful . . . . I'm sorry you discovered It so soon . .,I could havo mado Benny-- (SOUND; DOOR OPIIdS) . EDDIE : You wanted to see me, Mr, Colnwn? COSNUN ; Yes, P71dia . .,Mrs . Colman has discovered our little seeret„ a[, : S>I want you to tell her the whole story about the Oscr .ir, P RTK01 0010888 -16- EDDIE: Oh that . . . .Well, you see, ma'am . . .Mr, Colman was pretty fed up . with Jack Benny's constant borrowing . . . . So the night he borrowed the Oscar, Mr . Colman tipped me off and told me vhat - to A . .,I went ouq, i,n front of the house . . . . I was hlding behind a tree . . .whe5Tenny came out of your house (FADING) and walked down the sidewalk hunm:ing . . . : FOOTSTEPS ON CEMENT) -. (SGUND JACK : (HUNB LOVE IN BLOOM) , EDDIE : Hey Bud . . .Bud? - (SOUND : FGGTSTEPS STOP) JACK : Huh? EDDIE : Got a match? JACK : Yes, I have one right here ir .W -- EDDIE : DON'T MAKE A MGVE . .,THIS IS A STICK-UP.. JACK : Mister, put down that gun, EDDIE : SHUT UP . . . .I SAID THIS IS A STICK UP . . . . NG'd COME ON, YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE . .(IANG PAUSE) . . . . LGGK BUD . . . _I SAID YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE . JACK : I'm thinking It over : Now look+ Mister-- . EDDIE : AND I'LL TAKE THAT PACKAGE YGU'RE CARRYIN3, TOO : This package . .but it isn't mine . . .it belongs to . JACK Ronald Colman . .he won it 4t-- EDDIE : PIPE DOWN AND GIVE IT TG ME OR I'LL DRILL YOU. JACK : All right, all right, here it is . : NOW LAY DOWN ON THE SIDESdALK AND COUNT . EDDIETO A HUNDRED . JACK : Y-y-yes sir . . . . One, two, three, four, five (FADE) six, seven, eight, nine, ten . . . . RttlO 1 0 970684 f-17 f EDDIE : (ON CUE) And that's exactly what happened, ma'am . . .I~ brought the Oscar right in the house and gave it to Mr . Colman . COLMAN : Thank you, Eddio . . .you may go now . EDDIE : Yes a1r . ($OUPd1, :, F FOOTSTEPS . . .DOOR QLOS COLMAN : . . . (yp•W(- at me like Bennyy was taught a lesson . . .and I'm glad I did it . BENITA : (SERIODS)(w Ronnie, that was an awfully mean thing to do - ~(3~p~i~yY~B:~,t I love you for doing it : I'm glad you see it m y way . . ;Benita, are. COIMAN you sure the expreesman picked up all the trunke4 BENITA: Yea, . .now lot's finish thaeowaJ.isea and then we'll- (SOUND : DOOR BUZZER) . COLMAN : Benita, would you answer the door, pleaee . .I'm trying to close this valiapsil.-+r BENITA: All right . ~ (SOUDID : FOOTSTEPS . .TfEN DOOR OPENS) BENITA ; Oh . .,hello Jack . JACK: Hello, Benita . . .I heard you were going to England, so I brought you this as a going-away gift . BENITA : Oh Jack, what a beautiful bouquet of white roses . JACK: Do you really like them? BENITAt Th4y'ro my favorite flower . .in fact, I have a bush of them ri gh t over tiy-6he; . .that's funny, they were there this morning . JACK: . . . .We1l, I was afraid that whilo you were in England they might wither and di'e~ so " I-- 0 ATi{01 0310690 -18- CCIMfN : (OFF) WHOtS AT THE DOOR BFNI7N? BANI'1P . : (UP) IT'S MR . BESIHY, HE'S CCME '1V SF .Y p00DBYE, COIMIN : (OF'F) WODBYE! BIIJITA : RONNIEl ...... Come on in Jack . . . . Ronnie's in the other room . W .!/1(SOUND: DOOR CL0SE9) . . JACK : Wel~ ~alU'm(ost sa23E packed, I see . . . COIMFN : Yes Jack, . .nnd tomorrow we'll be ;on ~q~i?rfwaWy . JACK : Ronnie,,,I thought on the boat d tirr~re mig1it hang heavy on your hands, so I brought you this b01ok. . . . Here, COID1FN ; Well . . .thonk you, Jack . . .nice of you to return it ; JnCK: And that isn't all I brought, Ronnl5f .1tve got something here for both you and Benita . . .a carton of L.acky Strike Cigarettes . BEIITA : A carton of Lucky Strikes? - ~1~ JP,CK; Ys,l~.n.nd d you'll love thom. .,thoy'ne so round, so fira, so fully pncked, so free emd easy on the Osoar . . . . I mean on the draw . .drnw . . COLMi,N ; I know, Jack. .L,S .M,F,T. stands for Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco . , . ' . JACK: Yes yes . .dnd quality of product Is essential to continuing success,,,Here you are, Romiie, hero are the cigarottes, COH.tiN : Thnnks, Jack . . .how much are they? T,CK: iA dollar and---- h no no, Ronnio .,Me.ry told me not to . . .By the way, Benita, I w:nt to give you a little advice . BENIT/, : Whst's that, Jack? : While you're in England, if onyone wants. JACK to soll you any c a shmore, tweeds, or woolens, grab them because they'ro a good buy . HTYi01 0310891 CO'LWdJ : Goodbye! L~~', y ~Q ~~-K~ ,u.f,~ JACK : Goodbye . . .No no, wait a minuteb' . .I . . . . I qd.ght as/wellntell you the real reason I came over here . , OWINJ.NC Real reason? . . JACK: Yes, Ronnie . . .I . . . . I . . . . I . . .I know you won ' t believe this . . . but the'night I borrowed your Oscar, I was hel .d up. . COIMAN : No : Cross: JACK my heart and hope my swiwning pool loses money this sumner . . .And Ronnie, after losing your Oscar, I was so emb^rrassed I did everything I could to avoid you . . . . . I was afraid you l d see me, . .I practically lived in hiding . .,ovory Sunday I had to sneok out of my house down to NBC . . .then c- , -~:xv .. -r --: ~% after my brorAccst, I ' d sneelf hem~r.ppia. * ' .,ViLJr_,, /i e(:' ••~! COLW sl : J6CK: -Ne6ralwuys . COT W S]e Jack, you know it ' s'.reth'er-an~ns4x1i that you should be hold up practically in front of our house . JACiC: It wcs a harrowing experience . . .you ' ll never know wh^.t I went through to protect your Oscrr . . .would you like me to tell you about it? COIhLW : & Wo'd love to hecr it . BENITIb Jf.CK : Well, the night I borrowed your Oscrs, I loft your house, o.nd was walking down the sidewalk (FADING) Htmm iing in my usuel carefree way . . . , (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS) JACK : (HUMS LOVE IN BLOCM) . P Rrx01 0 310892 -20- EDDIE: Hoy bud, bud . JACK: nHtu~/h? EDDIE :(Kiot e match? JACK: Yes, I hnveonoriE~it here ffi.'My : DON'T MAKE A MOVE, 'll[IS IS A STICKUP.---EDDIE : A STICK-UP? PUT DOWN 'kWT GUN OR BY H&iVEN,. JACK I'LL MrJM YOU RUE 7HE IY,Y 'hU:T YOU WERE BORN,, .PUT IT DCANN . I S4Y . EDDIE: 'JP.KE IT F/',SY MISTER, OR YOU'LL GET HURT . .I'M,NOT AIAINE . . .I HAVE A FEROCIOUS LION HERE . . JACKt A LION? (SOUND: TEIININDOUS LION ROAR) JACK : TitAT LION DOFSN'T SCARE ME . (SOUND ; LION ROAR) JACK : QUIET YOU,,,I'LL SLAP YOUR TEE4N IN,, .`P6M1HAT : (SOUND: SLAP) MEL : (WHIMPERS AS HURT PUPPY RUNNING AWAY) - JACK ; And now for you, toughguy, jA'/ IDDIE; (FRIGHTII~IID) Plenso Miator . . .plonse don't hurt me, . . I/ellowe, come here . .helpl JnCK: WHY YOU SNIVE'i .I:IG N7iITE-LIVERED CRINGING CONARD . . .TW THF.T. (SOULID: SOCK . .BODY THUD) EDDIE: FE[LOS1S, .HE KNOCKID ME DGNN, .,COME ON . . .HELP ME . . : LOTS OF FOOTSTEPS, SCUFFLING F,ND. (SOUND MUYBLING) MEL: OKAY CHIEF . . .HERE WE CGri7E, .,7HIS GUY'S A 10U(H ONE.,WE'LL kU.VE TO USE OUR IAST RFSORT . . .GIVE IT TO HIM . (SOUND: LOUD JET LIKE SOUND FOLLOWID BY IAUD FRPLOSION . .BODY TdUD) , ~ %. JACK; (GROANS) .v.6Ntrr1 ~1r ru.' P Rrx 01 0 3 10893 12 1- P9DIE: 91AT DID IT. . .'IIfAT ROCKET BOMB STUNNED H]M A LITTLE (FADE) CLME ON FELLOR'S, WEtD BEYTFR OF7r OUT OF HERS . JACKf . .Tnct was the last thing I heard, Ronnie . .when I oome to, all five hundred of them were gone . .ond so was your Oscar . . . . - but I really did my best to protect it . COIl.VW : (DW+M4TICALLY) Stout fellow . . JACKt Ipprotected ~hat Osc with~`J lify . T[.IAI~AR~/n .(.[ I '_iX~f~ c~rf / " f ~ . ; r~ .CN.U .ls7 BENITdf ~ ain I t the iay I heit . ~~~~ : What? - .~ J6CK COIMFSI : Look J¢ck . .I might as well tell you . . .you can stop worrying about the Oscar . .It was returned to me . : Who, how, when, what, how, how, who, who,who, who,who? . Ji,CK COHdf.N ;Jack, don't Esk any questions . . .the important thing is, I got St bo,ck . J6CK : Well, that's wonderfulJ . .Ilve never felt so happy in my life . . . and look Ronnie . . .if you hod to give a reward to get the Oscar back . . .or ran into any other expenso . . . .don't worry . . .youtre insured . COIMnN : I know . . BPNITB ; Ronnie, we I ve got to finish our p.^.cking . (SOUND : mOR OPENS) EDDIE : Pardon me, Mr . Colman . . .but do you want me to take the valises out to the car? COIMBN : Yes, Eddie, end be sure to-- J,CK : RONNIE . .BFT]IM . .IAOK. .'BihTiB HIM . .IIIE MAN 'IIWT HELD ME UP1 . , , ;(SOUNDt CLASS CRAS}S . . . BFNI7Y. : Ronnie . .Pern4e . .Jack Jumped right through the window . 9 COIhll;N : ~~' RTHU1 0310894 . IDDIEi Gee, Mr . Colman, I'm sorry I frlghtened him . . BIIJITA: He cortainly leStin a hurry, COIMANi He sure did . .I'11 take h .shoee. back to him Sn the morning . BPMITA : (IhU(3{IN(7LY) Hey, Ronni^ erooioue li,on . _ . COIMAN ; (IAUCdiINQ.Y) Ye^.h . . .Rocket bomb . COINAN & BENI4Yf : (If.UCdI AND I,AUC&i) (APPIAUSE AND PIhYOFF) HiYlO1 0310895 JAC*y,.IADIEB AND GII4Y4,FMPN, I M7 SURE YOU AGREE 7HERE IS NOTHIN(} ..~' 17fIETIC 'lffAN A HELPLE9S CHIId) SUFFENING FRC M_.WJtVATION, EIsROSURE-T4P-SICKNE.SS . 'IIIOUSANDS OF E.IDS UV1RE DEVASTATHI COUNTRIE5 ARE ERkC.TLY IN 7FIIS PREDICAMffIT. SO IT IS UP 70 US CHANCE 7C7 BE HFIJlIIiY CLEY+R-'IljRiKLNG ZEdS . SO LETIS HEGP 'IISOSE UNFORTCNATE CHJ.Id7I2IIJ BY SENDING OUR BUTIONS TO CRUS/l.DF'yFOfi Q{ILDREN, NIIN YORK CITY . SAVE ILD, SAVE 'B{E ~Yf'f1RE . THFSNC YOU . (APPL4USE) "~ DONt JACK WILL BE BACK IN JUST A MINUTE BUT FIRST HERE . .IS S4SILRUYSLY,EL Y FTHU1 0310896 I'm Jt.Of.' PL'NNS' ^R90R46f May 9, 194 6 CIDSING CGAMERCIA ; INDEPENDENTL RUYSAIEL T084CC0 EXPERTg - AGAIN NAME UJCKY STRIKE -- FIPST CHOICE - STRIKE -- FIF3T CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER- U1CRY SRAND! RIGGS : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) IAING : The famous Crossley Poll has just oompleted an impartial survey in eleven southern tobacco states . This Poll -- taken among tobacco experts -- reveals the smokin g preference of the men who really know tobaooo, Yes -- ACYSDAEL; For their own personal smoking enjoyment -- INDEPENLENT TOfi4CC0 E7[PER16 - - AGAIN NAME IDCKY STRIKE - FIRST CHOICE -- IUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST CHOICE, OVER ANY OTHER BRAND! L4ING : These are the experts -- auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen -- and we belive their ovenvhelming p re fe rence for Iucky Strike has a direct re lationship to the quality tobacco we purchase for IuCkies , RUYSDAEL: You've heard the Poll re sults -- now listen to what Mr . Alexander Irvin, veteran ware housemen f rom North Caro lina, recently said - VOICE : For a good m.vny seaeons I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine, ripe, mellow tobacco -- the kind of tobacco you just can't beat for amokin' quality . I've smoked luckies for 14 yeaxe : So for your own real, deep-dovm. IAING smoking enjoyrtant -- remember -- RUYSDAEL: IS - MFT - 15 M L4ING : Iucky Strike means fine tobacco -- so ro und, so fitm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw . 19 rx 01 03108 9 7 -24- ------_....._.... .,. .__ ._ ., . . (SOUND; FAST RUNNING FOOTSTFPS. .CCMIRO 70f.-BTOP) JACK; -WNew.,, . .. .Hey Mister, what street is this? MEL: . . Market Stree JACKt Market Street? MEL; San Francisco, . ; ~Oh'~JNeiS,~'' JACK -I cen slow down now . ~jf pPIAUSR AND PIAYOFF) _ ._.__..,...... ~.. .-- .-... J AcK . C-,c l ;.', p RTYS 0 1 0310 8 9 8 PRa RAM #3s REVIgEO SCRIPT as .BIRaAocAST AMERICAN TOBACCOCOMPAWY . . LUCKY 51RIIE TfIE JACK BENNY PRO GR AM SUNDAY, MAY 16, 1948 NBC 4 ;00 - 4 :30 PM -.'ST HTYlUt 0310899 ~HE JACK BENNY PROGRAM 5-16-48 OPEPfING COMME RCIAL -A- LAING : THE JACK BENNY PRCGRAM -- presented by LIICKY STRIICE! RIGGS : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) . RUYSDAEL : Lucky Strike! First again . . . with tobacco men! IAING : First again . . . with tobacco men! Luok,y Strike! More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined! RUYSDAII . : There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey which reveals the personal smoking preference of the men who really know tobacco -- the auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen . . fAING : Yes, the survey shows -- RUYSI]4II . : Lucky Strike -- first again . . . with tobacco men! LAING : First again . . . with tobacco men! First again with the men who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco . And when these experts smoke Lucky Strike for their own personal smoking enjoyment, then you kav . . . . RUYSD.9EL : LS - MbT LS - hQT L4ING : Lucky Strike means fine tobacco! And in a cigarette it ' s the tobacco that counts . So for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment, smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke . Luc Strike! Rt7YSDAEL : First again . . . with tobacco men! Rlx 01 03709 0 0 (FIRBT ROUTINE) (/YTER CCATdERCIl.L, MUBIC UP AND DOWN) . DON : TRE LUCKY 8TffiEE PROGRFN7r STFlRAING JACK BIIlNY .RRIB, ROCHE9TEHP DFIiNIS D1Y,. tWITH MARY LPIINGSTONE, PHII, HP AND "YOURB THULY" DON WIL40N. . . (APPL4USE. .M0.SIC UP F.ND DONN) DON : AND NOW, IF.DIES fJ,*D GENTLII.fAR7, IT IS MY PLff.SURE TO PRESNAIT TO YOU !. MAN WHOSE CHMIM AND PERSONRLIT4 HAVE GAINED HIM MILLIONS OF FSMLRERS . . .A MAN WHO'B NOT ONLY 7AM FOR HI8 -Wait a minute, I must have the wrong soript . . .thie is introducing Robert Taylor . MI,RY : Thet's right, Don . .Je.ck one away on ..a week's vacation and Robert Tcylor is his plaoe . .A1h!-he should be here eny minute . - DON : Robert Taylor? Thatts wonderful . .But Mary, I etill crn't get o, sr Jack just pewking up end goingaway on a trip. MhRY : It's more than just a trip, Don . Jack is gelx g-- .a spend -~ ~t a glorioua week in New York. : Wnat made him decide to go so .euddenly? . 7DON . MARYt He won it on the Bride and Groom Program . . DON : On the Bride e.nd Groom Program? You mean that d.ak . .our own little Jackie boy ran off end got married? Rr 801 0 37 0 9 01 MARY : Not exactly, Don . But Jack figured here vas a vay to get a trip for nothing, so he got someone to go through the ceremoqy- with him . ' DON: But what glrl wouldgo along.with a gag like that? MAHY : (LAU(318) DON : Mary, what are you laughing at? MARY : He couldn ' t get a girl, so he hired a man with a tuxedo and Jack wore his Chsrlie's Aunt coetume . .with a veil yet . DON: Well Mary, if it was_e1l a gag, why didn't he come to you with the idea? . MARY : He did, that's why. he wore the veil, I punched in the nose : .Anywey Don, till Bob gete herb, I.th1Dk„ve q} :gh~ .~.~4-w ~E%'i7hl•t ~L0 PHIL: HP1A, DON[Y . .HF.'IS,O, LPP1Y, gte MiS2Y : Hello, Phil : Hey Livvy, where's. PHIL Jackson? MARY : Jack'won't be on the program today . PHIL : He won't? What's wrong? MARY : Nothing's wrong, he just decided to take a vacation . . .He needed a rest . PHIL: Well, it's his own fault . MfS2Y : What? PHIL : If Jackson would hire a truck instead of carrying his own money to the bank, he wouldn't be so worn out . MARY : Now Phil, Jack doesn't have that much money . fli?( 0 1 0310902 -3- PHIL: He @ees:r* b eh? When Jaolmongoes to the bank to make a deposit, he's carrying so meny bags the,teller puts on a red cap and meets him at the door . . . MARY: Phil . 0 PHIL: And then the Vice President grabs a microphone and yells, "IEAV G ON TRACK FIVE, ANOTHER LOAD FOR FORT KNOX" . 67/~,RY : Okay,,Ph , you don't have to start being such a big comedian just because Jack is off this veek . .He got Robert Taylor to fill in for him . . PHIL: :. ' a MfJtY : He got who? Robert Taylor . .GA/M.1PAftIis2ll~~t PHIL: You m n 8 ler Arlington Sr ~~ ;~~~~ MI:RY : Well~ t's his real name, but on the t Robert Taylor . PHIL : Hov do you like that . M/EtY : What's the matter, Phil? PHIL : Why does Jac~mpn wsnta get somebody olae when hp;'s'gok'~ ma ( I~rLB i r,:' t r. : 41• l I ~.i !~ e P tl .t,.c-.4s around R~io'siacswcr to 4r-k.g~ber~Prea-lfine+r" . . . ~t"HWY3! e, :tlie kid withthe sodtTiing pe'raonali,~y ~ . M4 MARY : Phil, your personality is about as soothing as an eye-wash with tobasco sauce . . .So whether you like it or not, Robert Taylor's gonna be on the show . . PHIL : Oksy okay, but if he don't show up pretty soon, I'm taking over . prxai 0 310903 MARY : ~ You ane not . DON : Mary, maybe you ought to check and see if Bob has etarted for the st ud io yet . ' . MARY : That's a good idea, Don . .;I think I will : RECEIVER UP. . .ONE DIAL.'. (SOUND . .FADING 4V INTEIMITTIIJT BUZZING OF EW'IT($(BOARD) SARA : Oh, Gertrude . BFA : What is it, Mabel? . (APPLAUSE) SAFqf The line on your switchboard is flashing. . BFA : I ]mow . SARA : Then why don't you answer it4 BEA : If I do, it'll stop flashing, and it's the only thing that ever winks at me . S4RA : Well, then I ' ll answer it . . (BOUND: PLUG IN) SARA : Hello . MAftY: Operator, this is Miss Livingstone . . . will you get me Aobert Taylor's hnnse . .end please hurry because Mr . Taylor is going to take Mr . Benny`b place on the show today . SARA : One moment, please . . (80UND : PLUG 0UT) BFA: What is it? SARA : ('iNROWING IT AWAY) Oh, it'p Npth,ifjgy iy 9eeme ttlst,Mr . BeTyty Kr-~^vLI '~ a~ CN/ x7td , .I x7 cen't be on the show so ln-gdeea cg fA-- t BoDest . . .ROBERT 7 VLOR~ . RTX01 0310904 BRA : Mabe1 . . .Mabel . . .snap your eyes .back in . BARA : I cen't one of fem is plugged into the ewltohboard . . BFA ; Here, I'll help you . , ; ;, (BOUNDe POP) - . SARA : Thanke . . .0ee, imagine Robo73 .Taylor coming on Jack Benny's program in .person . . BFI+ : Wnat a personality . .what a smile . . SqPA : He's so tall and handsame and oute . BFH: Yeah, he's sort of a Phi1H8rris with brains . . 84IYs : Why Gertrude (3earshift . . . .how can you make such an expostulation . . . . Parris isn't even cute . BFYf : New Mabel Flapsad e^ .let's give credit where credit is due . . . I say Phil Harris is cute . 39FA : Cute . .take away Alice Faye axW .Wnat've you got? A htmdred and eighty pounds of ham hocks and turnip greens . . .dee, I wonder why Jack Benny isn't on the show . . . ..Do you suppose he's slck7 BEA : Oh, he can't be . . .I saw him at the bank yesterday talking to a red cap . SARA: Imagine Robert Taylor being on Jack Benny's program BFFl : Yeah . . .why, if Robert Taylor walked down the corridor right now, I'd get to him if I had to jump through that plate glass window . S4W, : Well, you can jump at him if you want to, I'll wait here and catch you when he throws you back. - P RT }t01 0310905 -6- BSk ; Mabel, if youtre trying to be f7wny, yep•e®-- ~~ (30UND; CLICK CLICK OF RECECVSR) MAHX : Operator! Operator! S4RA ;kIlm eorry, but Robert Taylor doesnit easwer : Thank you . . MAR3 (300yD: RPCELVEi DCN'N) . ~J _ MHHY ; Don, Bob must be on his way over . Ijost called his ,c~peme^an~.'~~^,, d he doesn't anewer. . . . In the meantima, Phil, maybe we oughta-- (30UND; KNOCK ON DOOR) ; Oh, that must be Bob now . . .OfdLfi IN . . MARY (30UND: DOOR OPNN3) AUS1C : OKAY, Pd!FRE IS HE, P1k9RE 13 H8? MAHX: Wait a minute, Mister, I don't know who you're looking for, but you must have the wrong place . BL4NC; No I ain°t . . .I'm looking for a gqv nemed Benny PHIL : Look Bub, wet re doing a shiav here, Whst do you want wi't. Benny? BLANC: . I married him yesterday on Bride and Oroom . PHIL : What? Ml.RY ; Ch, you're the feLlow Jack hired to-- BZFNC: Yeah, I wsnt my dough . 2MRY: Dough? BLANC : Wnile the organ was playing "Oh Promise Me," he pramised me ten bucks . RT}/01 03109 0 6 _7. PHIL: Ten bucks? BLM]C: It was worth twenty holding that wrinkled old hand . MARY: Wel1, I ' m sorry, but Mr . Benny ' s out of town . He left right after the ceremony . . . BIANC: Well, how do you like that . .he goes on a honeymeon and leaves DON : 4Don~ worry about it,/felloer . . . . . WhenMr . Benny oomee back, I'm eure he'Il give you the tendollara . ' ffiANC : And fifty cents . . .he made me pay for the rioe . . DON : Okay, Okay . . (BOUND : DOOR SLAM) (APPIAUSE) • MARY : (OVER APPLAUSE) Jack gets himself into the darndeat things . (BAND NUMBFI2 "WrIFN YOU I RE SMILING") (APPLAUSE) RTH 0 1 031090? (SECOND fdJUTINE) . -8- DON: That was Phil Harris and his "YOU cen turn the radio on again, Jack, they're through'~ orchestra . . . . . Say Mary, xhen is Robert Taylor gonna get here? . MARi: As soon as the sound effects men knooks on the door . (SOUNDt KNOOK ON D70R) MARY; TShsr,ks . . .CQdE IN . . . (SOUND : DOOR OPBNS) TAYLOR : Hello everybody, I hope I'm not late : HEY, IQDS . .TAOK YhLO'S HERE . . .ROBERT D'iYfAR. DON . (APPIAUSE) : Eollo Mary . . TAYIAR MARYc (DRF/N7ILY) haeah . .8hangrl Lea with a window's peak . . .(iee Bob, I'm certainly glad to see you . TAYLOR: I'm lucky to be here . As I came down the hall, something j :anped at me through a plate glass window : A plate glass window : On my goodness, Bob,. MARY let me wipe that blood off your cheek . . TAYLOR: Tnat isn't blood, that's lipstick, it kissed me . MAHY: Oh . . .well anyway, Bob it's rt n1 Q f oui to oome over T~„ .,,:. ~E~~ t~~ ,r~r,~ ~ and fill in for Jack .' Tthink you know every6ne . . . . . 7nis is Don Wilson . ~ (~==~1, . TAYLOR : Oh sure sure . . .How are you, Don? MARY: That's the control booth, Don's over here . DON : Hiya, Bob, nice to eee you . MARY: And Bob, I'm sure you know Phil Harrie . P ATYS01 0310908 -9- TAYfAR; Yes,, .ae a matter of fact, a oouple moathe ago I took his place with Alice . f . _ _ ._~~ . . . PHIL : Walt a minute, Rollon0.A ubod~yMt-e.kes my place with Alice, ThYLOR:'Phil, I dida i t mean that . . .I J ust mesnt that when you were in Denver, I took your place on the Fitch .Bandwagon. PHIL : I know, but you wouldn ' t have been there if Alice hadn i t tricked me, TAYf.OR: Tricked you? PHIL: Yeah . . .she told me she was hiring S er ArlinRton BruRh . . With a name like that I thought it must be a ballet dancer . TAYLOR; 9hat's tunny . .. .Vve seen you lead an orchestra ead I thought you weqe, ilda Gray . : Fellowdon't argue . . .Jack wouldnIt like' MARY it a:-±+sw:e.esa[w :d~e6PE'°7dSY; DFNNISS~iie115, Don . .Hiya, Phil . .Hello, Mary ; Hello, Dennis . . TAYLOR . DFNNIS: Gee, Mr . Benny, those must be wonderful vitamin pills you t re taking . MP.RY; Dennis, that isn ' t Mr. Be nny, it ' s Robert Taylor . DENNIS : Robert Taylor? . TLYLOR: Yes, I'm a ballet dancer . MARY : (OIOCLIN6) Dennis, this is Robert Taylor the movie star . P RT 8 01 0310909 ~p / -10- DFNNISS X7eS,~Mr . T$vlor, my mother's crazy about you. . .She even keeps your picture under the ice box . . TAYLOR: Under the icebox? DENNIS : She doeen ' t want my father to know she t e got your pioture . TY,YLOR ; Oh. DENNIS: The other day my father came into the kitohen and oh boy, did Mom think fast . . 4AYi.ORt She did? ' - DENNIS : Yeah, when my father said, "What I re you doing with your head undoy the icebox?' . . .ehe said, " I ' m looking at .the ~ drip ." w M6F YI , ~snnie! . . . .xow can you say that? PRLL; Let him alone, let him alone . .Spengler Arlington Brugh . . . . gqYTell me something, Speng . .I don't blame you for .changing your ~ ~'~ name, but how did you happen to pic` - accident . . . When the studio RobertTaylor? TAYIAR?~{~I~ttold was by me I needed a st age name, I thought of a lot of them . . .I didn't know which to take, so I picked one out of a hat . . DENNIS: Ouo, that's a coineidonco .,ahun I was born, my mother picked my middle name out of a hat, . TAYLOR; Really, Dennis . . . what is your middle name? DENNIS : Swes.tbend . MkRY : Dennis, go sit down . DN : Oh, Bob . D :YIAR; Yes t/ Yion.Tf . . fl 1' YSp1 0310910 DON v 0 ' At this point in the progrem, Jack usually has ue do the commercial . . . TASZOR: Okay Don, go ahead and read it : Oh no, I don1t just read it . . .You. DON see, we do a mueical . oonnnercial with Jack%s quartet, "The Sportsmen ." ThYLOR: Oh, hello, follows . QUART: HIN1ft44'ID7 . . . DON :N They have a beautiful selection prepaned for today ...... You Were Meant For Me : "You Were Meant for." - TAYLOR Me7° . . .Say . . .Don4 DON : Yes, Bob : Do you think. ThYiAR they'd mind if I accompanied them4 I do play a musical instxannent, you know . Mf.RY : Bob, I didn t t know that . . . . what instrw:eot do you play? TAYLOR : The cello . . a: 1 G J1A,R PHIL: Oh no no no .,. .not a c~llo : . Mf+IU : Phil . . .you don't play my instrument . . .Bob, if you want to accumpany the quartet, go ahead and do it : 0kay . .,iuet wait a minute vlnile I get my oello. TLYLOR . . LON : Okay Bob . .whlle you get ~ set, I ' A announce the .number . . .li, DIES AND OIIJTLNMEN ...... YOU WERE MFf.NT FOR ME" , . .BY 'IIiE SPORTSVEN Q.UARTET. .FlND STf,RRIN6 ROBERT 7SIYLOR ON 'll(E CELLO . RTSS01 0310911 (INTRODUCTION) -12- QUART : YOU YlERE MF/~NT FOR ME . Oh, L S M F T YOU LUCKIES FASHIONED ~U AND 'M{EN ~ UPEIN DONE YOU WERE ALT. 'II{E OM 7NINOS ROLLED UN ONE BOB : (PHRASE ON CE6iA) QUART : CH, L S M F T BOB: (PHRASE ON CELLO) . QUART: 'II{E feNLY SMOILE F6R ME . SO RtlUND AND FIR7, SO FULLY, FULLY PACKID Y0U THEY MUST H6VE MESNT Mft JUST FOR ME . • YOU WERE MFtiNT FOR ME YAS, YoU WERE NgLBf FUI hLc YOU SNOULD BCB: J TRY A LUCKY STRIKE 'IIiEY ARE 6EPPER TiN.N THE RE9T : L S M F T Cs L81 ;FL . QU6RT BOB : QUALITY OF PRODUCT IS ESSIIJTIAL TC SUCCESS QU;RT : D9N I T DELAY . FOR MEN WRC HIQL`N' ALL SvY 1L1& THAT LUCKY STRIICEktk$ & MEASIT FOR YOU - YOU, YoU, YOU YOU :R71 E :(::.itR' FOR Dfs 0'[ L9 O4 LL dI T(7) ' DOWT DFS .1Y FO(t AII:T! 1fII0 :OJqA :SL SAY TIIA T, LllCISY §TAI :...'dAS AM dtT FOR YOU - Y00, YOU rJm •:r: DO >max YOU (APPLAUSi :) AikO1 0310912 -13- MP.RY :/Nob . . .Bob . .thet was wonderful . .BUt of all the musical .that - 7nstrmnents, how in the world did you ever pickonone?. Tf3LOR: Well, I had no choice . . .My mother had her mind made up . : .'.I had to be a cellist or else . MARY= Or else what ? `L".YLOR: f, ballet dancer . MARY : Well Bob, I•think it's wonderful . . . .I think it would be nice if everybody devoted a little time to music . DENNIS : I used to plcy a musical instrusent . MflRY• You did : Yeah, but% DENNIS one day my mother got mad at my father and throw it at him and It got smashed against the wall . Ml,RY : Bh,thct ' s too bad, PAMM .what instrwnent was it? DFNNIS : The piano . Pi;YLOR: That'e terrible . .dld anybody got hurt? DENNIS : Just me . .I we.s still sitting on the atool . MARY : Dennis, why don't you go sit dovm nnd-- (SOUND:PHONE RINGS) 7Y.YLOR : I'll get it . (SOUND: RECEIVER VP) AT9S 0 1 0 390919 -T~ T6YLORs He1lo . . . . Xes, operator, this is RobertTaylor . . . . . New York calling? Say Mary, it must be Jack . . .He11o . . .Hello Jack, how are you? . . . . I lmow this is Long Distance but how muoh does it cost to say, "How are you?° . . . .What did you ca7.1 for? . . . .N ot enough laughs on the program? . . . . . Oee,I-oan't understand ~ . . . I'm really working hard . . .I.'ve even got my ooat off . . . . . . . . I WILL NOT . . . . . What I s that, Jaok? . . . . . You wantamy pants? talk to Mary? . . . . .Just a minute . . . .Mexy, he wants to talk to you . MFlRYS Thanks, Bob . . . . H6}lo, Jack . . .where're you staying? . . . .gherry Netherlands? . . . ~,P~ Thiat's good. . . .What are you doing?/Having~ dinner in the bridal suite? What're you having? . . . . 0h, boiled rice . . .Look Jaok, I bea r hang up, I'm beginning to sound like Jessel . . . . What? ./.A11 right, I'll tell him . . . . 0oodbye . (SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN) . . MGRX : Dennis, Jack wants you to sing your song right now . DPNNIS : Okay, Toots . . Ml.RY : Toots? . DENNIS ; I'd call yy Babe, but she's your sister . MhKY ; (ll.UC21S)/DGennis, go ahead and sing . (APPli,USE) (DENNIS'S SONG. . ."BLUE SHF.DOWS ON TiIB TRAILIJ) (6PPIi,USE) - A rx0 1 031 0 914 ('gIIRD ROUTINE) . -15- . DON ; That was Dennis Day singing "Blue Shadowe on the Trail" from NX Walt Disne*picture "Melody Time", featuring Dennie Day . . and very good, Dennis : Dennis who?. - DINNIB - - : DON : Dennis Sweatbo .tvi . ~ MF,RY : Dennis, why don't you stop being so--- . (SOUND: KNOCK ON DOOR) . Mf.RY : WME IN . (SOUND: DOOR OPFRS) . NELSON : How do you do . . . . My name is Nelson, I'm a photographer .^ was asked to eome over here and take some pictures . .they'll appear in the five magazines I work for . TAYLOR; Five magozines . .What are they? NK[.SONeek, Pic, Click, Look, and Sohacok :~'M'r . Nelson, if you're gonnc take pictures. MhRY you better get started . - ' NEI 40N : Very well . = 'u "t VV 3W 0qW 1 WN4. , PHIL : Hey Mr . Nelson . . .is that little black box your ccnnera? NELSON : No, it's my darkroom, I've got two midgets wonkiz :g Hn thare . Nb'.RY : Midgets? AtAN Tw 44 7ba NlM1 NELSON : Yes, thoy're half-NOlsons .( . .NOw for the picturee . . .I'll t ake Curly first .dse you ready? . ATtS01 03 109 15 PHILp Any time you are . .How do you want me, profile or full? NELSONt If I wanted you full I.Ida caught you last night, MF~RY: Mr . Nelson, you eho:adn't talk that way to-- TAYLOR ; Let him•alone, let him alone . .-' MFlYtL : Fmyway Mr . Nelson, Mr . Taylor is the atax of the show today . . . so why don1 t you take a picture of him? . Nffi.SON : Very well . .will you sit here in this chair and hold your cello between your knees? . TF.YLOR: Certainly . . .like this? NIISON : Hmm . .That 1doesntt loo)( good . . .lean the cello on your right knee . . .Nq(A6I1m trying to get something that shows that you're a great athlete, but I cantt seem to get it with a cello . Ti.YLOR : Well, if you want something sporty, I can slide it under me and ride it side-saddle . NII,SON : No, no, I'll think of something . DON : . In the meantime, how about taking a picture of me? NII.SON : I'm sorry, but I don't take landsoapes . . . .But you look like a good subject . DENNIS : Me? NELSON Yes, did you ever have your plcture teken? DFNNIS : Only once . .vtaon I was three weeks old : But that was when you were a little baby. TAYLOR . .didntt your mother take any of you growing up? DENNIS : She didn't have to . Each year she had the picture onlorged . RTtl 0 1 0310916 -17- M4.RY : bhlarged? DINNIS : In my last picture I ' m nine feot tall with a diaper on . %YLOR: Say Mary, does Jack go through this every week with Dennle? MF.RY ; Why do you think he went away for a rest? . . .Mr . Nelson,what about the piotures? NF% .SONt It11 do it right now . . .Come here, yowg man . .NOw you stand right over here . DFNNIS: Hero? : Yes . .now. NELSON hold it . DEhT1IS : What? , NELSON : Hold it . (SOUND : CLICK) NEL90N : Very good, very good . DIIQNIS: That was silly, you made me hold the camera and I took yourr picture . NELSON : Oh my goodness, I did it again . . .I've got three million pictures of vtipsullf : Mr . Nelson, let's get. mG,gp the pictures over with so we can-- (SOUdD: PHONE RINOS) Nh'.RY : 11 get it . (SOUND: RECEIVER UP) ; Hello? ,. Nu,RY ROCH : HELLO, MISS ISVIN6STONE. .THIS IS ROCHESTER . MnHY : Oh, hello Rochester . .How are you? ROCH : CH, I FEEG F.Td, RICHT NC1N, BUT 4N10 D:YS AGO, I DIDN I T FE'II. SO GOOD . pT 80 1 0310917 MARYC. Oh, that's too bad . : BUT MR . BIIJNy SURE WAS CONSIDERATE . . ROCH MARY: He was? ROCH ; 7CF1,H, WHILE I WAS DUSTING THE HOUSE, •MR, BFNNY OhME WER fND SAID, "R0CHE3TER, YOU DON'T LOOK 30 GOOD° . .AND WHFN I TOLD HIM I DIDN f T FEE(. GOOD, HE SAID, "WELL, W YOU BEM'ER 21URRY UP AND DUST THE HOUSE, WASH 7HE DI3{E4, CUT THE Lf,WN , TRIM THE HEDGE, SNEEP THE POR(H, OLE AH THE (HItdtJEY, POLI3I THE SILVER, WASH THE W00LWORK, WFJC THE FLOORS AND ($T RIQIT TO BED." MAH? : Well Rochester, did you finally get to bed? HOCHe HOW COULD I? 'IfV•T WAS 1W0 DAYS AGO AND I JUST FINISHED WASHING THE WOODNORK . MflRY : Well, Rochester, now that Mr . Benny is out of town, I think you ought to take the opportunity to get out of the house and get some fresh air . ROOH : GET OUT OF THE HOUSE? . .HEE HEE HEE HEE . . ANiRY : What are you lcus}iing at? ROCH : TiIIS CHf,IN IS SO SiORT I CANtT EYIN BRING THE MILK IN . MARY : Oh Rochester, you're just making up ,jokes . RO(1i ; WOULD I HAVE CiSS,ED YOU IF I HAD STRnIGHT LINE>? MARY : I thought so. .L9a, what did you oall fur? ROCB : I'D LIKE TO T1.L{( TO MR . TAYLOR . - MARY : Just a minute, I'1l call him . . .Oh Bob, Rochester wants to talk to you . flTkf01 0310910 Benny - 5/16/46 (REVISED) -19- TAYLOR : Okap. .,Hello Rocheeter, what is it? ROCH : OHMR. TAYLOR, SINCE YOU'RE GONNA BE EATING HER$ FOR THE NEXT FBW DAYS, WHAT TIME WOUID YOU LIRE TO HAVE YOUR DINNER? TAYLOR : Well . . .would seven o'clock be all right? ROCH : YEAH, THAT'LL BE OKAY, . TAYLOR : And Rochester, I'd like to have steak, potatoes and Peas . : I'M SORRY, MR . TAYLOR . .I READ THE CONTRACT. ROCH MR . BENNY GAVE YOU AND STEAK AIN'T ON IT . TAYLOR : Then what do I get to eat? ROCH : POTATOES AM7 PEAS . TAYLOR : Just Potatoes and peas? ROCH : I'VE GOT THE CONTRACT RIGHT HERE . .I'LL LOOK UP THE CLAUSE.THAT SAYS PEAS . . . . CLIUSE FIVE, . .T41ET.VE . . . EIGHTEEN, . .HERE IT IS . .IIJENTY-SEVEN . TAYIAR : Is that the number of the clause? ROCH : NO, THAT'S THE NUNBER 0F PEAS . . AtH01 0 310919 (HEVZS= ) 19-A TAYLOR : Oh . .Well Rcchester, what do I get for dessert? ROCH : WHAT? TAYLOR : Dessert : DE3SERT? TAYLOR . ROCH : Yes, that's something extra that's added to top off your dinner . ROCH : WELL . .WfQ•:N DID THEY START THAT? TAYLOR : A couple of weel® ago . . .Well che er, as long as it's only for a few days, just give me what's in the contract : ORAY . . .AND MR. ROCH . TAYLOR, WHAT TIME DO YOU THIHK YOU WANTA GO TO BED? TAYLOR : Well, I'11 sit up and listen to the radio for awhile and probably go to bed about eleven . . ROCH : GOOD GOOD .,THAT'LL GIVE ME PLENTY OF-TIME TO LAY OUT YOUR PAJAMAS AND BALLET SLIPPERS . 0 RTYS01 0310920 -20- TAYLOR: Thank you, Rochester . .IP11 see you in a little while, goodbye . . ROCR: BOODBYE. . . (30UND : RECEIVER DOWN) (SOUND : DOOR BIAM) TAYLORt Gee, Mary the time is almost gone . .I had planned so many things I wanted to do on this program, but that photographer came in and took up all our time .RY: Well, Bob I've got a confession to. MF meke . .I sent for him . TAYLOR• rY'7fo~u sent for him? But Mary, he almost spoiled the program . MARYjU'~i9ho cares? Now I've got pictures of me working with ry_ou so I can send them back to the girls at the May Company . TP.YLOR; Mary . . .you used to work at the May Compsny? 41hat a coineidence : Did you used : MFw to work there, too? TAYLOR: No, but that's where I buy my ballet slippers . MARY: We'_l . . .what a small world . .Play, Phil . (6PPL ,USE .',ND PLAYOFF) P prx 01 0 31 0 9 27 L4DIFS AND OFMTLIMFN, I FM SURE YOU AqREE6 TiERE IS NOT<[IIi0 ~ MORE P/.'IlfETIC 'IIifN A HELPLE58 CHIU1 SUFFF3iINp FRCM 87YSRV(.TION, ECPOSURE AND SICKNES9 . 'IlIOUSSNDS OF KIDS IN'DiE DEVh&N-.TED COUNRRIES ARE ECf,CTLY IN `II{IS PREDICAXIE!!T . SO IT IS UP N US TO OIVE 'IIiEM A CHANCE 7V SURVIVE . WE MUST HELP 7SiEA ORW! UP TO BE HFAVIHY CLEF.R-9{INKINO CITI2ENS . SO LETIS HELP MOSE UNFORTUNFlTE C[tILDRFSi BY SFNDINO OUR CONTRIBUiIONS TO CRUS' .DE FOR CHILDREN, NEN YORK CITY . SAVE A CHIID, SAVE M FUTURE ./ 7HAHK YOU . (FlPPL+USE) . DON : MkF Y AND BOB WILL BE BACK IN JUST A MINUTE BUT FIRST HERE IS Bh SIL RUYSIY,EL . - ATYS01 0310922 . TRE JACK BI:NNX PROQRAM 5-16-48 "CLOSING CCMMERCIAL -. RUYSDAEL : Lucky Strike -- first again ., . with tobacco mea. . BOONE : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) . L41NGe First again with tobacco men! Luok'y Strike! independentAs arecent impartial survey reveals -- more tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands oombined! RUYSDAII . : Lucky Strike . . . first again with tobaoco men . L0.ING : Remember -- these are the experts . . . . the men who . . really know tobacco! And -- more independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands oom i RUYSDAEf. : You've heard the survey results . Now listen to what Mr . George Alfred Webster, veteran tobacco warehouseman, recently said -- VCICR : At market after market, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine, light, mild tobacco -- tobacco that makes a grand smoke . I've smoked Luckies 29 years . LAING : So light up a Lucky . Light up a really fine cigarette and, puff by puff, you'll see -- RUYSDAN3, : LS - NFIT LS - NF P . . LAING : Lucky Strike means fine tobacco . And in a cigarette . it's the tobacco that counts . So for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment every time, smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke . Lucky Strike . So round, so firm, so fully packod, so free and easy on the draw . RUYSDAEL : Lucky Strike! First again . . . with tobacco men! ATH 0 1 0 310923 (Tf,c) - 22 - 7UIAR : Say Masy, I was just looking at this magsaiae, Radio's Best . . . and Jack was piekod as the Number One Comedie,n ; Well, how do you like that . .(L+U(3iS) . MARY TA)SQR; What are you lo.ughing at, Mar,f4 Mf,RY ; Jack's off the air one week and already hets Amerioa'efavorite comedlen . . . . Goodnight, Doll . (APPIAUSE) . IYJN : (OVIIi APPIf .USE) Be sure to listun to the Phil Rarris-Alice . Faye Show o,n Sumdays, and "A Day in the Life of Dennis,Day" on Wednesdays . . .Robert Taylor appeared through the courtosy of Metro Goldwyn Mayer, producers of '$omecoming," starring Clark Gable and Iana Turner . . ~ RT}1U1 0 310924 THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM produced for THE AMERICAN TOBACCO CO. 6y BATTEN, BARTON, DUR3TINE & OBBORN, Inc . PRODUCT . LUCKY STRIKE CIGABETTES Nmwo,tri BBO Broadeset, 4t00-4t30PN-PM' pAT~SONDdY~ MA1-22119y6 R AS BROADCAST RTX 0 1 031 0 925 PROQiAM ii34 REVISED BOAIPT AMERICAN TOBACCO CONPANY LUCILY STRIIE Tc E aACx aFNxr Paa RAM SUNDAY MAY 2S 1448 NBC 4•00 - 4 :50 PM - PST Alr ATYS 01 0310926 T}E JACK BEfJNY PROGRAM 5-23-48 OPENING COMMERC7AI. -Av IAING= THE JACK BENNYPRWRAM -- presented by LUCKY STRIICE! BOONE : (CHANP -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) - RUYSII4Ef .:- Lucky Strike - first'again with toba.ooo men . ~ . MOSIC : (THBME N(IDBER ONE) RUYSnAII.e First again . . .with tobacco men! MUSICt (THFME N UMIDER ONE) More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands oom 1 ! RUYSIIAELe There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey which reveals the personal smoking preference of tobacco men -- auotioneers,buyers and warehousemen . LAING : Yea, the survey shows -- Lucky Strike - MUSIC : (THFME NUMBER ONE) RUYSDAII, : First again -- with tobacco men! MUSIC : (TNII E NCWBER ONE) L9ING : First again . . .with tobacco men! First again with . the men who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine , that light , that naturally mild tobacco . So light up a Lucky . Puff by puff , oy u ' ll see -- . . . (MORS) AT}S01 0310927 THE SACK BENNY PROGRAM 5-23- 48 . OPINING COMWCIAL - oont . . B- RUY3b1EL : 18 - ME FT'P L9 - h . . IAIGVr Luoky Strike means fine tobaooo l .And. in a oigarette itrs the tobaooo that oounts - so for your own real . deep-down emoking ensoyment, smoke the smoke tobsoco experts smoke - Luoky Strikel hIDBIC ; . (THEME NOb BER ONE) RilYBAAII.: First again . . . with tobaoao menl MUSIC : (TIL4ME IVUhffiER ONE) be RTH 0 1 031 0 92 8 (FIRST ROUTINE) (AFTER COMMERCIAL, MUSIC UP .AND DOh7f) DCN : TRE :IJJCKY STRIKE PROGR4M STARRING JACK DFNNY . .WITH MARY LIVINOSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHESTER, DFNHIS DAY, AND "YOUI6 TRUIX" DON WIIBQ'7 . . (APPIAUSE . .NNSIC UP AND DCNN) ~ . DQJ ; IADIES AND GENTIF2.EJ, . .L4ST WEEK, 4~; THE STAR OF OUR SHONFELP THAT Hg N&EDEI) A VACATION, ' SO HE TOOK T7ffi WEEK OFF AND WIIJT TO NEW YORK. .BOT TQ4IOHT I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE PRODIGAL SON HAS IETUISIED . ., AND HERE HE IS, JACK HENNY .(APPIAUSE) JACK : Thank you, thank you . . .helloage.i.n, this .Jaok Benny talking, and Don, I think that was a very fitting introduction because I do feel like a prodigal son . DB1 : Well, thank you, Jack, and welaome home . JACK; And it's very appropriate too . . .the prodigal son be7ng . welcomed by the fatted calf . . . . But Don, it's good to be back . DCN : Did you have a good time in New York, Jack? JACK : Wonderful ., .I saw almost everybody I]mew . . .Irving Berlin, Bea Lillie, Ed Sullivan, Fred Allen, Jack Eigen, and-- DQ4 : Oh, you saw Fred Allen, huh? JACKt Yes . DQJ : Well . . .lnw'd you findFxed4 JACK: I,{ust pushed aside tlnse bags and there he was . . . .Honestly, Don, he has the biggest bags over his eyes : Over his eyesq . D(N mc pr 801 0 310929 JACKr Yes, he's wearing th~em, an upsweep this year . . . u' ]mow, I saw Fred athie.He got tired of stepping on them broadcast, and it's really amgeing hovi lucky he's been . D ON : What do you mean, lucky? . . . JACK; The way he xen a case of sinus into a million dollars . . . ~~I1 Hones tly, Don, the way Fred talks, he sounds aftmoom~b17, W sCXX, hello Mary. . MARY : Hello Jack, wolcome home . JACK; Well . .that's a fine welcome home . .Haven't you got a great big kiss? MARY: I had one, but last week I gave it to Robert Taylor : A11 right, so couldn't you save a little kiss for me4. • JACK MARY: Jack, when Taylor takes over a show, he takes it all . JACK: Well, I will say one thing, he did a wonderfl :l job . . You were great last week . I was in .and so did you, MaryNew York and I heard it : The kiss? JACK . MARY : No, the show . . .Anyway, I had a wonderful vacation in Now York . You know, this year they're having one of the most successflal theatrical seasons they've ever had . . .They charge a lot of money~Tor t~tickets, tut it's worth it . What shows, "A Streetcar Named Desire", "High Button Shoes", "Inside U .S .A .", ~~end "Mr . Roberts ." - DCflJ : "'Gosh Jack, I certainly envy you . . .How did you like "A . . ~ Streetcar Named Deslre?" S JACK: We11 . . .Well Don . . .I didn't get to see .thxt show . And I'm sorry I missed it . . Rrx 0 1 0310930 . . . -3- l/Y~ . MARY : xThat's too bsd . .But Jack, I'll bet you enjoyed "High Battw : ~Sh.o.es" . I heard it was a great muslcal . : %ewe11 . . .I didn't Bee that one either .t.~.B~efoI knew it,. JACK A A it was Thursday night, end that was the night I was going to seu "M7r . Roberts" . ~ DW : Well, Jack, when I get to New York, that'e,the ehowI'm most anxious to Bee . JACK : "Mr .~~I~mbertsy" DWV : Yea,"aYnw did you en j oy that? u Ay¢ JACK: Well . . . .that's the one I'm really sorry I missed . I got as *1k far as the lobby and the gtrl in the box office ma$e me so mad I wouldn't go In . 7 D W ; What did she 11 MARY : "Slx-slxty~ P1ea~e . /~.C'C . ~~'~(t9U~,~ a&I9( ;gl~(~IX bAF-'Il~qVJ IUAT w"cw> Fonda the star of "Mr . F o berts," gave me two passes yo~at etV ,, . .I wish I hadn ' t sold them . . . .fs qjwcy--- We3 4~;=€er h ~ 's-sak ,~ , greu-were-ivf97ew-YOrIr"3'~en d@ys,--What-d#d-yo~-B e6? . ,-Aglf: Well,dhe3as t-nith t-6TM'j-viBit7-I aewa wend6x+PO~~t kk--FYatdue IT theatrro-in -Bron1s7 4m . ik+rFif~ : {Nhst=ase^-it? . ~: "4'hu,~m-Slews-At-MiAni ~Bkt~--end-~.~+PhaCoveredEV7agann . . .^'S .-~13y s4oy©datyaelf . .Now what about you, Mary . ._.anyth7ng happen with you while I was away? MARY: ~~ ~"lQothing much, oxcept that I received another letter fmm my mother . RTHO1 0310931 -µ- JACK: Your nather? Well, what does the Republican Iku9c Norse of Plainfield have to say4 . MARY: I've got it right here . Do you want me to read it to you? JACK; No, but you're going to do it anyway, so go ahead . MARY: All~~t,~ . CTFqAND HR~ }~',ADS DA '~qT~~ . ' MARY/~~y~ ~ , T SFNDING~It+tE 1WINTY-FIVE DOISARS"~FOfjR MOTHEI+S DqY . . .YOU'RE SO GENERGUS, .,phWT 0144•R GIRL WOULi1 SF7VD HER MpfHER A WROIE WEEK'S SAL1F{fl : Gee, you aro generous. JACK . MARY: MARY, I BOUGHT MYSEIF A DiG'SS WITH SONE OF THE MGdSY, AND WITH THE RE9T OF IT I BOUGRT PAPA A FEAUTIFUL MONOGRNdM7.'D WALLET TO KEEP HIS UNEMPIAST'[h1JT CHECKS IN . . . . . AND THAT RF1.77ND4 ME, . . YOUR SISTER BABE IS NO IJkIGER ON VACATIIN,,,A COUPIE OF WF.F5G4 AGO SHE GOT A TEIEGR4M FRCh1 JO}PI L . IEWIS TELLTNG HER TO GO BACK TO WORK. ' . JACK: Good old Babo . . .I'11 nevor forget her in the Easter Parado . . . strolling down the avenuo with that lsmp on her hat . . MARY: Jack, please-- JACK :Q^ 'm sorry, Mary . .continuc . MARY : I HEARD YOU ON THE PROGRAM LAST WEEK . . .Tlff•; BROADCAST YOU DID WITH RGBERP TAYII7R. .,AND I MUST SAY IT WAS A WONDERFUL SHOW WITHOUT JACK. . : Hmn . . JACK MARY; IT WAS THE FIPST TIM IN FIVE YEAF6 THAT MY AIRWICK TOOK A SIINDAY OFF . . . . NO .OTHER HEWS SO WILL CIA.4E NON . .,YOUR IUVING MOTHER. . .NATURE GIRL ISVIIiOSTQJE, me firx 0 1 0 3109 32 .L -5- JACK: You know Mary, your mother writes some of the,~+~~ DINNIS : Hello, Don . .Hello, Mary : Well, hello, Donnis . . JACK ' DF.NNIS : Gee, Mr . Taylor, I don't krww what happenod to you since last Siutday, but you look awfhl now . I oC ` d :_ ( L~ --q. JACK: Dennis, for heaven's eake-Im not Robert Taylor , I'm Jac k Wl• Bonlay . DENNIS : Oh . . . . . I don't blame you for being mad : A~Donnis, aren't you happy that Mr . Benny's. MARY back? DENNIS : I ees,&~ a~m . .You know, Mr . Bonny, while you wore gone, I suro missed you . U,¢S% JACK: . Thsnks kid . -fjIIIVVNIS : -IYlidn't-gu:eitywHere-oi•-Eltr~TY,9thing . • e u•~r Zaiw f DSNNIS : I was like a lost soul. . .I felt awful . .I couldn't even eat . ~ JACK : That's a shame . . DFNNIS : Yeah . .,ncxt timo you go away you ought to pay us in advanoo . JACK : whai?--psy--you .4n-advsned:P . . .Dennis, you've got a lot of ncrve suggesting anything like that . Aftor all, Mary was on last week's progr:un, too, and sho didn't mention anything amut being paid . DENNIS : She doesn't earv about moryey, eho got k7ased by Robert Taylor . JACK: What? DENNIS : He Wouldn't evun put his ann around me . JACK : Dennis . . DENNIS : I may not look like much, but he ougthte tests my potato pancakes . • k1C~ ycul,~ JACK; Donnie .' . . .Stop 1~ing so silly and got ready for your song . DPNNIS : Okay . HTY(01 0310933 -6- JACK: Mavy, before I forget it, will you wait and drive me home after the broadcast? . MARY : Where's your car? JACK: Well, I'm thinking of getting a new oae, ~eo .~I~sent Rochester out to see if he can'get a goodtrade-iKs'^ .Lhope he--- PHIL: (CO[dIN6 IN) Hi'ya Livvy . .hel].o kids . .We)_.1, look who's back, Little Boy Blue Eyes, Hilya Jaokesn .- . O. ~ JACK ; Hello , Phi1 . . .ai h°y is£ 6 mewor to^~ di 'F~"~ w6 .1 tu, 144~dd ...... ~e sua~'d4..a~.'C~ (wi~Ca,V~~4M und q~ PHIL: Oh, I'm fine,dad'~ ia~glad-you're bac~id you thi* of the program ve did last week without youP . JACK: I thought it was an excellent show„ d job . M I thought Robert Taylor'did a wonderful PHIL: Who did a wonderful job? JACK: Robert Taylor . PHIL : You don't by any chance mean Spangler Arlington Brugh? JACK: Yes, what about it? PHIL: Scangler Arlington Brugh~.wh~tpa n~sme . .Bruah . . . . Before I met hLn, I didn't know whether . I was supposed to shake his hand or blow the foem off him JACK : Phil! PHIL : Anyway, what did you have to get him for . .when you've got me . . me . .the one and only inimitable Harris .1CK : ii0h Phil . .yo=uure not inimitabe e ., t's. J just u t`gobpdv~ U~ Aun 6 T a~4y to bev ~ai..k~e.yu . .~Y'a--~.ooh ar PHIL ~~/~I~don't care what you say, i~~p„ I'd much rather be like me Lhen like Spangler Arlington Brugh . .n dk RTH01 0310934 -7- JACK: Oh, for heaven ' s sakes, Phil .,what have you .got against Robert Teylor4 . : He burns me up. . .hefs married to a beautiful. PHIL aotrese . . .hels got n10e .wavy hair . . .Hele-a good looking guy .anda great personality,'JACK : So what,. Phll . .you're married to a beautiffulaotress . . .youtre a good looking guy . . .youTve got nioe wavy hair . .and you've . .got a great personality, too . PHII. : I lmow : Well . . . JACK.what about it? PHIL: (DREAMILY) Nothln', jjust wanted to hear you say it . Jf,CK: All right, Phil, I said it, . .Now Dennis, lot's have your--- . Phil, ane you taking bows, or ie your head so big 3t keeps q bending you over . ~oC me on, Dennis, let's have your song . x DENNIS ; What do you want me to sing? Ji.CK: I don t t lmow, .what t ve you got prepared? DENNIS : Potato pan0akes . J.ACK: All right, sing that . .an~thing, .Shortening Bread . .lg (7 .PPLdUSE) ^ (DENNISIS SONG . ."HAUNTED HE.lRT") ( :.PPI.;L6E) Rr 801 0310935 -8- (SECOND ROUTINE) JACK : That was "Haunted Heart" sung by Dennis Day.. . S9ft*b0*m ies very good, Dennis . . . . and now, ladies and gentlemen, in answer too thousands of requeats, as our feature attraction tonight . . .we are going to repeat our version of that great .Universal- International production, "The Egg and I Y : Jack how come we aren't doing a new play tonight?." MAI JACK: Becsuse in order to do a new play, it has to .be written and my writers lost their typewriter at the opening of Hollywood Park . . .Now in this sketch, I will--- . MARY: All rigtht, so they lost their typewriter at the races . . . couldn't they dictate the script to their secretary? JACK : They lost her, too . . .She looked so forlorn ad they pushed her through the five dollar window, . .Now in this sketch, I will play the part of-- (SOUND : PHONE RINGS) JACK: Oh darnt~r (SOUND; RECEIVER UP) JACK: Hello . ROCH : HELLO, MR. BENNY, THIS IS ROCHESTER . JACK: Oh hello, Rochester . .have you done anything about trading my car in? RCGTI : YE4H, I WAS BUSY ALL MORNING . .FIRST I TOOK IT TU MAD MAN MUN12 . . HE LOOKED THE CAR OVER VERY CAREFULLY . . .BUT HE DIDN'T OFFER MUCH . JACK: Well, how much did he appraise it for? ROCH : B09S . . .WHIN A CAR GETS THAT OLD, THE4 DON'T APPRAISE IT, 'BiEY WEIC91 IT! . RT}S01 0310936 -9- JACK; Oh . I . ROCH : SC 7REN I DROVE OVER TO HONE9T JOHN I S PLACE, HE LOOKED AT THE CAR AND OFFERED US TNN DOLIARS AND SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS. JACK; Well, of all the nerve . .the lioenee plate alone is worth that much . RCCHt 'II1ATIS THE ONLY PART HE WANTED : Hnmmun . . JACK RCCH : A TRIFLE DISCOURAGED, BUT UNA4UNTED . I DROVE ~ '.N TflE . SNILING IRIffi4dANIS LCT . .AND Ti{ERE^dAEWBHAD~A LITTLE TVU($i LUCK . JACK ; Why,vfrtat happened? ROCH : AS THE 3.1ILING IRI S R.7AN CLIHIBED INTO OUR CAR TO INSPFX:T IT. . . . . HE SI/uM ID THE DOOR AND THE FENDER FII.L OFF. JACK: Which fender? ROG51 : THE FENDER, THE FNNDER! JACK : Oh, my goodness . .then what did you do? ROCA ; I DECIDED TO GO HOME . JACK: Uh huh . MML! ~SO WHILE I WAS DRNING•DM DOWN WILSYIRE BOULEVARD, SOME4fIING WENT WRONG WI4H THE STEERING WHEEL . . .AND THE CAR FVW RIG{T INTO 'LiE LA BRFA TAR PITS . JACK: Ch, that ' e terrible . ROCR : WORSE '1HAN YOU 7HINK . . .TRE PITS 'IIiRAN IT BACK OUT AGAIN . JACK : Well gee, R,o~c_hester, I expected you to sell the car today . . . you can tryAagaln tomorrow . ~CH ; YES IR. . .000DBYE . ~ a4L ~4~s~ye . 19 TY{ 0 1 0310937 -10- 9"i smoffigrft - - . . 'mpms#,Q~ RD ~ WA91F;' We13+ytiwh ~'sauclby'as s-ROQi:^°a'i730f1R4'L: (SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN) . JACK: Come on kids, let's get on with our play, i .~wo.+iwwM4 . .,AND NOW, L4DIPS AND OIIdTLFMIIV . . .WE WILL , PROCEED WI1R OUR VERSION OF . . .9fiE E00 AND I . . .IN 7HIS SKETCH I WILL BE FRED M :.QNOR3tiY P.ND MARY LIVINGSTONE WILL BE CLAUDETTE COLBERT. DON : Wnat part am I going to play, Jaok? JACK: Well, Don, the scene takes place .on a fann, so you can play the part of our pig . DON : Aw Jack, every time you do a faxm sketch, I play the part of a p1g . . .I want to do something else . JACK: Well, what would you like to be, Don? DDN : A canary . P RTYt01 0310938 TACK: . Don, .you a canaryR DON : PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP! : Well, that's not so bad . .All right,. , JACK Don, you can be the canary . AND NOW, IADIE4 AND OFNT'LFMFN . . .'lflE E00 AND I. . .AS . •1HE SCF21E OPffiJS . .WE FIND THE NF34LYWEDS . .OIAUD84TE AND•FRED. . . DRIVINO OUT TO T'HEIR NEW HCME . (TRANSITION MUSIC) ~~ ~ ~~~` (SOUND: CAR MOTOR UP AND DOWN)(DOO' V~1•*~'>) JACK ; Gee, Claudette, I hope you like the new fanphouse I bought . ~-•1?QPt : (COY) Q4+w~0.Q!(uMU~,Q,,, UJ.0.C y~ . JACK ; (SII3iS) You know, honey . .I oen't believe we're really married at last . MP, RY ; Yeah . . . . it was such a wonderful wedding ceremony . . . but you were so nervous . JACK: I was not nervous . ' Ou1. 0ur~ . kvxSa.d %'e,. GQd MARY : You were too . .you put the ring on bNa In .e sks e:.a finger,a.fl a64 M W,.p.n,. Q1.Agave wQ-pot to anc6ke . "~ .~p~ .A 61 o uh .u.A tl>OS~I.Qd 0~'y'-'v`• Jf,CK: 4iee, But darling, wasn't it exciting as we 0 (l~ drove away from the church with thos~s oes tied in back of the car? MARY : Yeah . JACK ; I wonder what made them bounce like that . MLRl: My mother was still in them . JLCK; Oh yes . .I out her loose when we went through Anaheim . . . . They can always use enother smudge pot there ::T.ook, there's our fasmhouse, a (SOUND : MO'!OR UP) P A1' u 01 0390939 -12- JACK : Here we are . (SOUNDS U.R 91bPS. .Cf.R DOOR OPINS (Sany~J) JACK ; Look darling . .there's our new hane ; Gee, it eure looks run down . . MhRY JACK : Yes, but we1l1 fix it up . . .Theress the real estate man . . .Oh, Mister. . .Mieter . , NH%.SON : HOW DO YOU DO? JACK ; How do you do . .I just bought this house . .Yousre the man from the real estate office, arenst you? ' NELSON : Yes, Nelson's the name . . .I ' m here to show you around . MARY ; Gee, w+nat a peculiar style of architecture this house has . . It ' s not French Nonnandie . .Is it Early American? NELSON : No, Crmmny Colonial . JACK: Hmmn . .let's go ineide . .COme on, honey . . NELSON ; Fllright . JLCK: Ilm talking to my wife! . NELSON : Oh . . .Just follow me, folks, snd I'll show you through the house . (SOUND ; FSW FOOTSTF$S„DCOR OPINS) NELSON : This is the living room . (SOUND: DCOR CIASES . . .FOOTSTEPS. .DOCR OPIN9) NELSON : This is the dining room . (SOUND : DCOR CIASES, ...FOOTSTEPS. .DOOR OPENS) NELSON : And this is the bedroom . JACK ; Gee . . .Mr . Nelson . .does the bathroom have a tile floor? NE4.SON : Shall we go out and see? JACK : Oh . P H TN01 031 0940 -13- MAHY; Mr . Nelsoan, .I'd like to see the kitohen .' NEL40N : Right through this door . (SOUND: DOOR OPENS) NELSON : There, isn't it a beauty4 MARY : We11 . . .I don't know .,the stove looks very old, .,and awfully dirty .. . . . JLCKa Oh, that's just a little dust . .Itll blow it .off . (GIVES BIG BL%N) (SOUND: STOVE COLV+PSING WI T i MUQI CIANGING AND B AN GING OF TIN AND Mh•PAL) . , NEL SON : . . . . .Mieter, have you tried Sen Ben? JACK : What7 ~, . , NELSON : Well, it's getting kind of late„70.better go . JACK: Goodbye, Mr . Nelson . NELSON : Goodbye, Mr,RY; Goodbye, Mr . Nelson . (SOUND; IAUD KISS) JACK ; MR, NELSON : SffOP KISSING HER! NELSON ; If Robert Taylor doesn t t care, why should you? (SOUND : DOOR SIi,MS) . JACK : Hm . . .Well darling . .here we are in our own ly,it~tle home . .. (YAWNS) And we better stert getting to .sleep,,On a farm you have to get up atfour in the morning . Nui'RY: You're right, sweetheart, .But itts so nice to be alone, just the two of us . JACK: Yeah„well, darling, goodnight, . ~ RTH 0 1 0310941 -14- NELSONS Goodnight . , JACK: Get out of herel . (SOUND : DOOR SIAMS) . . (TRANSITION MUSIC) . MEL: (CROWS ONCE LIIII: ROOSTF.R) . JACK; (SOFT) Darling. MEL: (CROWS ONCE LIKE ROOSTER) . JACK: DARLING . .YOU'RE SNORING. ' . MARY : No no, that'a the rooster . . .It's morning . JACK: Oh, oh . .well, you hurry and get breakfast ready•,I'11 go out and milk the cows . .It's a good thing I slept in my clothes . (SOUNDV FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPFNS . .CLOSE.i) . Ji.CK: My, it's pitch dark this early in the morning . (SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON GR4VEL . . .DOOR OPENS) JACK: NOW where'a that milking paA, .Ah, here it Ss . . .Easy bossy, easy . . (SOUND : MIIdCING PAIL BE[NG SET DOM4) JACK : fhat's a good girl, bossy . (SOUND : PATTING OF ANIMFS,) , JACK; Essy bossy, easy . . .Gee, I can't seem to find . .Oh! Ohl Wrong end! . . . .Now easy bossy, easyl . Q,. NIEL; (MOOS LIKE CON~~),~~ kA ~ JACK; Noow{ -hold s~t~ill`vlnitle,~I~f~ the pail a,~l#d}Letool'._y4 .9b1i9 . . . ThaE'sr a good girl . . . : NCtd W4 -0OG( (JACK SINGS TO TUNE OF BiAE IY,NUBE) OHH LA IA LA LA (SOUND : 'iW0 SQUIRTS OF SIIlPGER BOTTLE IN PAIL IN HI!YTSQA . .'lRPN RWO MORE S3UIRTS) flTSS 0 1 0310942 -15- JACK : OH IA L, IA IA (SOUNDt Sa.UIRT Sq.UIRT. .SaAIRT Ba,UTAT) JACK : OH Ih Il+If+Ih . . .(LONG PAUSE) . . . . OH IA IA IAIA . . . . . (IANG PAUSE) . . . . Hmnn , better change . MhRYt (OFF) OH FRED. .ARE YOU TiiROUCfl MILKING? JACK: I'm not, but~_I think the .cow is . . . . Hey, wtu+.t are yau holding? Ml,HY : (CCMING ON)~~ook, I just foimd it . .ItIe a black kitten with a white stripe down its back ; Well ehucks. . .if that ientt the. JACK cutest,little . . .Kitty, have you tried sen sen? . . .Now Claudette, don1t stend around. . .We've got to feed the animals : Okay : . NAFY . . DON : PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP PEEP . . MARY : ~ Look Fred, isn I t it cute the way our oenery follows .us around? JACK : Yeah . .Now shoo, canary, ehoo : We t ye got to feed the chickens . .Here chick, chick, ehiek',4^LOhDiek, chick, chick . (SOUND: CHICKEN SOUNDS) . JFlCK: Come on, chick, chick . Herefe scme corn for you . MF- : (CffiCKIN CLUCKING) M/,ftY : Oh Fred, look at that hen sitting on the nest . JACK : Where? . .Oh yes . MEL: (CHICKIN TRYING TO L:Y EGG„ TRIES f.G4IN . . .AFTER g1IRD TIME, (SOUND : TE,7P0 BIpCK) MEL: Cluck, cluck, cluyc~k, cluck, that's all folks . JACK: Gee, now we've go$/ ~b~akfaet, . .Wall, I better get eome oats for the horse .,hay for the cow. .and-- MEL: DINK, OINK, OINK, 000000IIIIIIIINNNNNNNKI . P RTY(01 0910943 -16- JACK : What happened? M0.RY : 6ar canary stepped on the pig and killed it . JACK: Gee, that's too bad : PEEP PREP PEEP PBEP . DON PEgP, . JACK: What a oanary . I should have gotteo auepicious when he bent the bars in his oage . . . .Now let'e get yw.wYYY .'YM. . . . Oh, look . .here comes somern7e, . . .(fAI1S) Hello : (AGBN) Howdy oe7ghboraN.y.pUZ}eGkye Harrie is. PHIL my name . .Live right over the hill : Well, do you have a farm over there? PHIL . ~~ JACK : Yep . .raise a little of this and that . . .mostly corn . JACK: For your pige? . . PHIL: Nope, for my still . ' JACK : l1O2ho, ~yo.u have a still? PHIL : Rb~i~ it'1l make twenty gallons a day . JACK : Twenty gallons a day? . .That ien't much . PHIL : Tain't bad, my old lady don't drink . RMHy : We just moved in here, Zeke . How long have you been living around this .section? ~~1! . _ . PHIL: Well, let me see . .ti moved here in 1918 . .aa&e.Y~ii~1e 1948 . . . That's sixteen years . JACK : Wait a minute, Zeke . .From 1918 to now is thirty years you've lived here : We don't count. PHIL the fourteen years of Prohibition as livingACK .` JACK : Oh, oh . . .Got any children? PHIL : Yep . .two sons . .but we ain't eeen 'em since they ran away with the circus ten years ago . . .gure miss the boys . RTYlO1 0310944 11\ .^~, - `17 - WSW M1RY : A It'a a shame both Of them left, maybe one of them will come back . PHIL: Tain't likely . .they're Siamese twins . JACK: ~OQh,, Siamese twins, eh? PHIL ; 36ap~they're pretty attached to each .other . .HEH H&[I HBH HBft . . OH'ZERKR . .YOU'RE THE B4RHYAHD'3 ANSvVBR TO PHIL HARRIS . JACK: By the way, Zeke . .is that field overthere psrt of your ~ft~pa~p.u~. R . . . 4'^~„ PHIL: ~9erl . .that's the place where I raise tobacco~~Th^ose are my hived hs.nds .out there picking it . ' JACK; Where? PHIL : Right over there . R rx 01 0310945 -18- (INTRODUCPION TO "RUBEN, RUBFN") QUART : (RUBE) RUBEN, RUBEN, WE BEEN THINKIN' . WRAT A 54D WORID .THIB WWID BE IF WE HAD NO Bk"1'TY GRABIE D~ 4M NO L 8MF T . (ONE YAMP) QUART : RUBEN, RUBEN, WE BEEN WORKIN' RAISING THOSE TOS4CC0 SPRIGS TO M4fC; A PACK OF UJCRY STRIKE FOR F .E . BO@!E AND SPEEDY RIGGS . (ONE YAMP) . FRILt ONCE T4IIEY WENT DONN TO THE CITY JUST TO SEE A BURIEY-CUE TREY CAME BACK AND BROUGHT A 54MPIE ROUND AND FIRM, WITH EYES OF BLUE . (ONE UAMP) QUART : RUBEN, RUBEN, WE'RE NOT JOKIN' bWKES NO DIFFERENCE WHERE WE RGMd, WE WILL ARNAYS KEEP ON SMOKIN' UJCKIES TI~LL THE CG~.NS CQME HOC& . (&AND TAG FINISH) (APPLIUSE) Rrx 01 0310946 -19- JACK : Say Zeke, yyo~uyr~ farm hande are pretty good : Z.apttit6y s3ng all the time . PHIL : H'ya neighbors . . .Hoady Z~ek_e .., II,YL, Good to see you all . JACKs Well, E(AIA : Maw Kettle is the neme . .Llve right down the road .' JACK: Which house? - [&~W~~I,A~ : No house, just down the raed . i~i1i': No house? PHIL: Yep . .she's married to Paw Kettle, the laziest men in the state . EfAIA : He'e the laziest men in the wsrld . He won't even plck his teeth, I had to go down to the store end pick 'em for him . JACK: No kiddih . EUVIA : Well, what do you know . .here oomesPaw Kettle, the lazy critter now . .Nsme is Dennis, but folks oall him Paw . PHIL: H'ya, Paw . DNNNIS : (LIKE PERCY IffLBHIDE) H'Ya Zeke . .H6Q.fo1k . . .Maw, put your arras around me andt~Que~reze `e .Cy('I6{{=.°•~ . .Lt here? ELVIF, ; ~~Oh Paw, stend up for awhile . DIIJNIS $y the way, what are you folks figuring on raising here? JACK: Chickens . DINNISi'WOUldn'tT'WOUldn't try it if I were you . Tried to raise some myself a h few years ago . .Never had any luck . • JACK : What happened? DNNNIS : Bought ten hens, .they laid lots of egge . .but none of 'em never did hatch . RTYl01 0310947 -20- JACK : How many roosters did you have? . DENNIS : (STRAIOHT) . . . . Ooooooh. .Roosters! . JACK: Hmmmm . DENNIS : Well, guess I better be going along now .,0otta go home and help my pig write a letter . : Your pig writes a letter? DENNIS . JACK : I,just tell him how to spell . .he already has the pen and o]nk . . . . HE HE HE HE . .OH, PAW KET44,E, YOU'RE SHARPER TBAN A POTATO PANCAKE . JACK: You said it : Well look, folks,. MARY my husband and I are just going in to have breakfast . Why don't you come in and join us? ELYIA : That's okay with me . DENNIS : Me too . .Pick me up, Maw : Well come on, let's all go. JACK in arl . .Hey, wait a minute, what ~i appened to Zeke? Where's Zeke Harris? DENNISrU[e had to run along, he's got his own show . JACK: What? DENNIS : I can stay till Wednesday :~k~ od good . .come folks . .breakfast. JACK ie on me . ELVIA : On you? ' h14RY: Yes, we haven't got a table . .HA HA HA HA . .OH, CLAUDETTE, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN ON THE FARM ONE DAY, BUT YOU'VE OCT CORN ALL OVER YOU . ~ ( ' ~p ~ld ~~udr C~ .l4iM JACK : YOU SAID IT~ COME ONN, EVERYBODY, LET'S 00 . (RUSE MUSIC) (APPLAUSE) n RT 80 1 0310948 DON : I ADIES AND CENTLEMEN, I AM SURE YOU AGREE Tf ERE IS NOTHIN6 MORE PATHETIC THAN A HELPLE9S CHIID SUFFERING FROM STAhVATION, EAPOSURE AND SICIINN9S . THOUSAIVp.S OF KIDS IN THE DEVASTATED COUNTRIFS ARE EXACTLY IN THIS PREDICAMENT . SO IT 78 UP .TO US TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO SURVIVE . WE MET HELP TFII+ld pRC9+l UP TO BE HEATTHY CLEAR-THINY.YNCi CITIZENS . SO LET'S HELP TH0SE UNFORTUNATE CHIfDREN BY BENDIN6 OUR CONTRIBUTIONS TO OIiIk4ADE I FOR CHILDRIN, NEW YORK CITY . SAVE A CHILD, SAVE THE FUPURE . \ YOU . 7^ 4USfi_ : DON : JACK WILL BE BACK IN JUST A FIINUTB, BUT FIRST . . 0 fiTH01 0310949 THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM - 5-23'46 . CLOSING CON MERCIAL . -C- RIGGSt (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) . RUYSA4 PL t Lucky Strike - firstagain . . . with tobacco men . MUSIC : (TIffi.' E NUhBER ONE) - . ' . RUYSDAEf.: First again : . : with tobacco men : (TIaMAE NCNBER ONE) . MUSIC IAING : Ae a recent impartial eurvey reveals - more independent tobacoo experts smoke Lucky Strike regular],y than the next two leading brands combined : More than the next .two leading brandscom i -- Luoky Strike -- MOSICe (THEME NCMffiII2 ONE) RUYSDAFL : First again . . . with tobacco men : (TF EME NLI+IDER ONE) . MUSIC RUYSDAEL ; Thatts what the aurvey shows . Now listen to what Mr, Garland Fletcher Tilley, 25 years a tobacco buyer, recently said -- VOICE : At auction after auction . Iive seen fine, ripe, mild tobacco bought by the makers of Lucky Strike . . tobacco you can't beat for smoking quality . Itve smoked Luokies 17 years, bs NT 8 01 0310950 THE JACK HENNY PR06RAM . 5-23-k8 CLOSINO COMbfEfiCIAL - oont . . -D- . LAINOs Light up a Luoly and, puff by puff, ou'eee -- RDYSDAII. : IB - MF7.' LS - WT LqINOf Lucky Strikemeans fine tobaooo . So round, so firm, so fuLty packed, so free and eaey onthe draw . So - smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lucky Strike: MUSICt (TRFME MJIdSER ONE) . RUYSI]4II, : First again . . . with tobaoao men! MUSIC I (TilFtv,'LB N[MIDER ONE AND TNO) ba RT 9 01 0310951 (TAG) -22- JACK: Lsdiee and gentlemen, I want to take this opportunity to thank Robert Taylor for taking my place on the program last week . He certainly did a great job and I-- ($OUND : PHONE RIN6S) JACK: Mary, answer the phone, will you? . MARY : Okay ; , (SOUND : RECEIVER UP) , MARY : Hello? . . . . . Yes, he's here . ., . .It's for you, .Jach . It's your sponsor . . . JACK : Oh . . . . . Hello, L .B . . .How'e M .F .T .? ...... What? . . . ~.~ I was only try7ng to be cute . . . . .Robert Taylor? . . .No no, he was on last week . . . . .But he wQe only,supposed to be on for one week ...... But I don't need another vaoation ...... ~ CA~G I doh-t want to go to New York . I've been there . . . . . Where? . . . . .- ~. . . . . _ I don't want .to .go there, either ...... But . . . . ., . .but-but ., . . . . . :~ but ...... but ...... _ . . _ . . l, aa . 4 . . . . l n ATt40 1 091 0 952 Z°HE JACK BENNY PROGRAM produced for . ~ THE AMERICAN TOBACCO CO . by BATTEN, BARTON, DURSTINE & OSBORN, Inc. , . PRODUGT , LUCICY STRIKE CICARBITEB .m 4.100 4,30 Ivdworki ABC Broede - PB! DATF-MM-3009 E -_- Rep . li 9130 - 1A30D PIR AS 0"A"VIEC:!ST RT 80 1 0310993 PROCRAM #35 RE1ISffi1 SCRIPT AIMICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUCKY STRIAE THE JACK RENNY PROCRAM SUfdDAY MAY j0 . 1948 NBC 4 ;00 - 4 :j0 PM - PST RT 80 1 0310954 THE JACK BENNY PROGRAI4 ' 5-30-48 OPENING COMMERCIAL - -A- IAING : TRE JACK BENNY PAOGRAM -- preeentedby LUCKY STRIKB7 RIGGS : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) RUYSDAEL : Lucky Strike -- first again . . . with tobacco men . MUSIC : (TR6ME NUMBER ONE) . RUYSDAEL : First again ., . with tobncoo men7 MUSIC : (TRF.ME NUD BER ONE) . IAING : More independent tobacco exports emakc Lucky Strike regularly thnn the next two lcading brands combined4 RUYSDAEL : There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey which reveals the personal smoldng preference of tobacco men -- auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen . LAING : Yes, the survuy shows .- Lucky Strike - MUSIC : (TROE NU6:6ER 0[0;) RUYSDAEL : First again . . . with tobacco men : . MUSIC : (THF,Mg NUM1PER ONE) IAING : First again . . . with tobacco men ; First again with the men who can see the makers of Lucky Strikc consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco . So light up a Lucky . Puff by puff oy u'll sec -- BP ar 801 03109 55 THE JACK BENNY PROGRA[A 5-30-48 OPENING COMMERCIAL - COMf . -B- RUYBDAEL : TS - MFP IS - MFP IAING : Lucky Strike means fine tobaceol And in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts -- so for your own real doop-dovn smoking enjoyment, smoke the smoku tobacco oxports smoke -- Lucky 8trikc ; MUSIC ; -( TfR;ME NfA,EER OI S ) RUYSDAEL ; First again . . . with tobacco men! bp . ATXO1 0 310956 -1- (FIRST ROUTINE) (AHTER COMMERCIAL . .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) ' DON : THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRINU JACK BENNY . . ROCHE9TER, DENNI3~DAY, !ATID "YOfkt3 TRULY" DON WIISON .WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE,PHIL HARRIS, . . .MUSIC .UP . .APm .DOWN). - (APPLAUSE . . . ._ . '.i~. DON: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN . .ONCE AGAIN WE'D ~, .TO TAIE YO O(R` TO JACK BENNY'S HOME IN BEVERLY HILLS . . . JOWEVENING . .JAbIC.,HAS JUST FINISHED DITNERAND IS REIAXING IN HIS USUAL WAY . JACK: (PLAYS FEW BARS OF "NATURE BOY" ON VIOLIN) . .I always like to play my. You know, Rochester violin after , dinner . ROCH : il ; . JACK; It soothes and relaxes me . . ROCH : UH HUH : I hope it. JACK doesn't bother you . ROCH : OH NO . . .I HAVEN'T HAD MY DINNKR YET . JACK : Good1 go"• =(PiAY3 FEW MORE BARS OF "NATURE BOY") JACK : / Im2olahMCYStor . .1 ofton think what a fooiyiasksnot to have made the violin my career . . .~ might have become a great virtuoso ., .But no .!~instead I had to .become a comedian . . . a clown .,a buffoon . ROCH : BUT A RICH BUFFOON . . AT 8 01 0310957 _p_ JACK : 7hat's the wrong attitude . .The wo ld~ d be better off if people had a differentviewpolnt~.M1oney ien't important . . . Remember what Shakespeare said . ."He who atealsmy purse, steals trash : I WI9t YOU'D 'II{RON." HOCE SOME . OF 'II{AT QAR6AOE ON ME . . JACK: 2NLVfiMM= fust'clear off the table and let me .pmctioe my violln . .i want to prepare for my stage appearances in Detroit and Clevoland . . .Now let me see . .I wanta learn that new song first . . .Here it is . . . (PIAYS LUCKY STRIKE COPbff .RCL1L IIIFIdE) First agaln with tobacco men . .' (PL4YS LUCKY STRIKE COMdERCIAL THBdE) . Gee, that song is catching onfast . I heard it last night on the Hit Ps .rade . . .Well, irfi" I've practiced enough . . .8ut I don't feel like going to bed . .I think I'll go Ln the don and listen to the radio ; 7HREE FOOTSTEPS. (SOUND . .DOOR OPEJS . . ) Sa.+ r W..alc ~ .mtt wvnh .n Mn~lhnnaw . :__(I~N_ wwl7 . lCfltPRl . CTY F!I(1TCTkTS iY/NN muFn~ !M \ RTY PaM1TQTM.'DA 11C RTG:DCI . TYIYPYiVU~J :}s•~AI~IIiqY~~F7/V1~1,1ry ' Y9~ l1• . • Jh fl T}!O 1 0310958 JACK: P1 7JSfSder what' a on the ~« (SOUND : CLICK OF RADIO. .STATIC) .- : . . NII.S01 : (FILTER) ~ ~you have .a tendency to be a little too fat around the waiot? . . . ..You do? . .Well, . .what you need ia exercise . ~ standm in front of your fire laoe? ...... higher.That's right, now get a little closer and lift yo leg . .higher.. . . .now rost your foot on the mantlopieco . .AwNsonw. higher . .have you got one foot on the floor and one foot on the . . . .Good . .We now leave the air until this eame time tomorrow .mantlepioce? . . . ' JACK : lhat's r].diculous . . .I wonder what else is on . . .Gee, it's hard to roech the dial with one foot on the mantlepieoe . ftw% j a* 06 , . (SOUND : 51L1TIC)PIANCHBC(FILTER) This is Blancho Stowart, your daily beauty consultant . . .Ladies, is your skin rough and dry? . . .IS your ocmplexion dull and.,Are yourpores large and coarse? blotchy? . . Is your hair stringy and full of snarle? .,It is? . . .Well, stay in the house, kih vo~u'ro a_ moss : . . JACK : 111na . ~er§/*4M be semothing on the air tonight X= (SOUND: PHONE RINGS) JACK; Oh, thore's the phono . . . (SOUND: RECEIVER UP) . JACK; Hello . MARY : (OFF MIKE) Hello, Jack . . ' . JACK : Oh, hello, Mary . . RTM 0 1 0310959 MARY : .(CFF) Jack, are wo gonna have'rehoareal at your house or NBC? JACK: What? MARY : (OFF) Are we gonna have rehearsal etyour house or NBC? JACK : Mary, I can hardly hear you . Get closer to the phone . MARY : I can't, II ve gotene foot on the floor and one foot on the mantlopiece : Goe, that program. - t - JACK must have a terrific Hooper~~ ~0C Maryw, wCw? did you ask me before? MARYc I said, where are we having rehoarsal? - JACK: Oh, rehearsal will be tomorrow at NBC . . MARY : Okay, goodbye : Goodbye . . JACK MARY : Oh say, Jack . . JACK : Yes : I've. MARY gotthe most wonderful news . My sister Babe is caning out to California to go on television . JACK : Your sister Babe on television? We11 . . .Wnct is she gonna do? MAfK : She's gonna double for Gorgeous George . JA CK : Say, that's great . (SGUND : DOOR OPEVS) . Liffton JACK: . / G ~I or my congrat-- DON : Hello, Jack . Rocheeter told me you were in hero . JACK : Oh, hello Don . . .Mary, Don'e here . I've got to hong up . . Goodbyo . h4';RY : Goodbye . . (SOUND : RECENER DOWN) JACK : H'ya Don . Como in,and sit down . . DON : Okay . : .CCME/ft , FELid7N8 . AT 80 1 0310960 M JACK: Oh, you brought the Sportsmen with you . (SOUND : DOOR OPPNB) . JACK : Hello, boys . ._ , QUART: HN4NM7d : Don, I meant. JACK to call you, tiut we're not having rehearsal until : t omorrow . .but as long as you're here, sit down . . DON ; /TOnks, Jack . . .Aren't you going to eit down, too? JACK: No, I'll just put my foot back on the mantelpiece : Well Jack even though we're not rehearsing until tcmorrow,.DCN the boys have propared a beautiful numbor for the show and they'd liko~~i%hoar it~.lhey're going out of town for a fow days, JACK : Business? DON : Oh no no . .~ie"oys took their wives fishing at Big Boar Inke last weok and they're_going back there again . JACK: Geo, I wish I could go . . .Wnat are they gonna fish for, porch or trout? DCN ; Pae baritone's wifo, she foll out of the boat Wednesday : Ch . . .well then by all means let's hear them sing now . She. JACK must be awfully tired troading water . . .Go ahead, boys . y.M wait ... DON : j V3nit a minute, Jack, this is a big production number and there's a part in it for you on the violin . JACK : For me? Well, good, good . .Now whom's my violin? DON : Under your chin . JACK: Oh yes, yes . . .that was the stickiest spaghetti I had for dinner . . .Now let'so~~bon . .What number are we gonna do? DON : The Sabre Danco by Khachaturian . JACK: The Sabro Dance : Wall, that should be wondorful . . .COme on, fellows, hit it . . P RTYS01 0310961 (ORCRESTRA INTRO TO "' SABi a DANCE")' . 5-A QUART ; YOU BZjTER TRY A LUOIQ . THEY W MADE DCYmIN KENTUCKY . . BETTER BUY LUCKIES, BETTER TRYIUCKIES BETTER BUY WCKIES, BETTER TRY IACKIES THAT'S THE CIGAtETPETHATYOU WILL LIKE JACK : (VIOLIN) QUART : . YOU'D BETIER HURRY HURRY . - YOU DON'T WANT IS ALLTO WORRY HURRY UP, BUY '17EM, HURRY UP TRY THEM . . LOOK WHAT ]OU ARE MCSSINO . LOOK WHAT YOU ARE MISSING HURRY UP M!D TRY A LUCKY STRIKE . JACK: (VIOLIN) QUART : MPUMM. SO FOR YOUR QWN DEEP DOWN SMOKING ENJOYM1ENT P'01{ Vill. YOU SHOULD TRY LUCKIES AD THEN YOU= SEE WHY MEN WHO KNOW AGREE H LS IfFT JACK : (VIOLIN) QUART : NW 'A~l ' HS ~$1G6m YOU DONIT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSIN' IF YOU HAVE NOT BEBN SMOKING THIS-UN . HURRY NOW AND DUY A CARTON THAT SHOULD aE ENOUCH TO ~TART 0~p LUC ~S T1 E N WILL BE YOUR ~7UtilS~ Tf4;"M THE BEST BRAND IN THE LAPID . L S S S, M F F F L S S S, M F F F L S M F, L 5 M F T 0 RiM01 0310962 5-B QUART : OH L S S S S S M F F F F F F F , L S S 8 , M F F F , L S S S , M F F F . . LUCRY STRIKE ' S THE CIGARETTE FOR ME . ~ NOW BEF ORE WE FINISH `IIR';RE I ONE mem TRIN3 . AS YOU MAY GUESS . . QUALITY OF TOBACCO IS ESSENTIAL TO CCNTINIJINJ SUCCESS . (APPIAUSE) AT}SO1 0310463 -6- (SECOND ROUTINE) JACK : Don~ngratulations .~was a wonderful n:mbor : fM nks Jack, I knew you ' d like it . DON : I cortainly did . Well, soo you Sunday,. JACK fellowe . . .Goodbye . QUART : tRM4'M : So lmng,. DON Jack. - _ (SOUND : DOOR SV.A7)' . JACK: ose boys aro such nice follows . . . Sixty-five cents in lff7h the Coca Cola machino . . .Well, I think I ' ll .take my change belt off and go in tho library . I'll road for an hour or so before I go to bod )UND .: (& FNYJ FGOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPFNS) . JACK : Just look at this room . .what a mose . . .OH, ROCHEST'ER . . .ROCHP.9TER...... Everytime I want him, he takes eo-- (SOUND; DOOR OPENS) : DID YOU CALL ME, MR BENNY? JACK . ROCH : Yes, whoro were you? . ROCH : I WAS IN TRE KITCHIN IRONING YOUR NIC2I7GONN . JACK: Oh . Well, I hopo you didn't put too much starch in it again . . I~t night I felt like I was sleeping in a Quonset Hut . . . . I0 j liko a nightgown to cling a little . . .NOw Rochester, this room is such a moss, I wish yjKt*-- (SNIFFING) Rochester! Do you smoll somothing burning? ROCH : OH OH! 71IE IRON : JACK: My nightgownl (SOUND : RUNNING FOOTSTEPS . .TiIIIJ STOP) JACK : Wall? Is it burnt? P H T}S 0 1 03 1 0964 ROCH : BOSS, 9 0MBntING TEfd,S ME 9iIS @UONSEI' HUT IS GOING TO HAVE A PIINDON IN IT ! JACK: Lot seo that nightgown . . .Hms . . Maw to ftuabouWaft X""= ROCN : IT'LL BE OKAY, BOSS, I'LL PUT A FLAP ON IT : See that you do . .I'm going back in thelibrary. JACK and road . I'll can you, Rochester, when I want to go to bed . (SOUND: F➢N FOOTSTEPS) ' . sM~ 4{W fyf 4YI~ ' . . JACK : Pl (SOUND: DCOR OPENS) . . . JACK: . . .Now let me soe . .i'd like to read a good mystery for a change ~., . Ki ss The Blood Off My Hends" . XRVUW=1NiX0XZ= ."The Crushed Skull° . . . =MM== ."Tho Mutilated Torso" . .XMSI~ "Lilacs in The Spring" to rw •r• . .No, that's too gruosome . . $~~h, my goodness, theso two books shouldn't be togother . ."The Proper Bostonians" and "The Kinsoy Roport ...... Hero's a mystery I haven't road . ."I Was Framed" by the author of "I Stand Condemned ...... Goe, his new book oughta be good . .I'11 just ourl up in this easy chair and road St . . . . Chnptor Ono . . ."I Was Frrnnod. " (MUSIC ) P ATX01 0310965 -6- JACK: (ECHO MIKE) MY Nf'ME IS BRUCE FINK . CH, IT'S AN ORDINARY NAME . .IT HASN'T EYEd Bfi[2I MII4TIONED AS A REPUBLICAN CANDIA4TE . . .I WAS AN AVERAGE MAN WI'III NOIddAL HABITS . MY ONLY FAULTWAS, PEf&IAPS, TNAT I SPFNT MY MONEY A LITTLE 'Id0 FREELY . . JACK:(R .PS'.UTARMIKE) Cco : (ECHO) IT ALL STARTED. JACK ONE EVENING IAST APRIL . . .WE HAD JUST FINISRED DINNER AND I WAS IN TRE KITCHPSI WASHING '1HE DISHES . MY WIFE, FLOSSIE, WAS IN '6[E PARLOR I]ANCING WI'IIS OUR BOARDER, SILK SHIRT HARRY . . .I ALSO HAD A 80N NAMEDGUS . .,SQAE PEOPLE 7HROUGHT HE WAS STUPID BECAUSE HE WAS SIXTEEN YFARS OLD AND HAD JUST LE'.RNED TO TiE HIS S{OE TACES . S6MEO;Y HE MAY EJEN LFARN 1D TIE 'IIiEd WHE:7 THEY'RE IN HIS S{OES . . .BUT I LOVED . HIM . . .7ftAT EJENING GUS WAS HELPING ME WI7H 9HE DISNES . (MiS67B~BtlT) (SOUND : WATER SPIASHING, DISHE9 CIATTERING)DINNIS : Wnatre thi9, papq2 . :~CK: (REG . MIKE) Tn..~.t'~r\~i~cup, son . . . .J DENNIS : Oh . .and is this a scucer4 : No no, that's a lmife . .Saucor . .knlfe . .saucor. JACK . . .lmlfe . . . saucer . .knife . . .Have you got that, son? DINNIS : Son? JACK : Yes, you~'rye my son cnd I'm your father . . . . lhis is ea cup ond this is'~T'knife . .Tho one with the point is the knifo . .the one with tho handle is the cup . .andthe one with tho hole tm iLis your cead . . .Now do you undorstand4 . DIIINIS : Yos son . . P R1' 80 1 03 10966 -9- ae .. k~dy JACK: No no~ou're :the son . .I'm your father . . .But don't try to learn too much at one time . . DENNIS : All right, I'll go to bed now . JACK ; Goodnight, my boy. . , . DENNIS : Goodnight, papa . . . . Oh, Papa : Yes, son? . JACK : Papa, when are you going to teli me about the birds and the. DENNIS bees? - - - JACK : Don't worry about thebirdg,_s_9d .the .b@es~Fllret learn about the cups and the saucers .ll~lo~odn~l7gh~t,~~GuMs : Goodnight, Papa . : DENNIS . JACK : (ECHO) GUS CALLED fE PAPA . .AUID I WAS GLAD THAT I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION . .TWO DAYS BEFORE I AIMOST TRADED HIM FOR ACOCK3R SPANIEL . . . . I PUT AWAY TfiE DISHE9 AND STARTED TONARD TfE PARLOR TO JOIN MY WIFE, FLOSSIE, AND OUR BOARDER, SILK SHIRT HARRY .: (SOUND DOOR OPENS) (ORCHESTRA PLAYS "FRANKIE AND JOHNNY" ADID FADES) . PHIL :Ab. Swing it, Flossie . • .• . . YOU 31tt1e dM 7 un... . MARY : (LAGHI M LY) I ' m way ahead of you, Harry . PHIL & (i,q~,H) MARY : PHIL : /Let'~ that dip again . MARY : You sure cut a arean rug : This is nothing, baby, you. PHIL oughta catoh me on llnoleum . MARY : (LAUGHINGLY) Oh Harry, hpld me closer, I love to smell that Bay Rum . Eft M t PHIL ; I lmow yOdMRthat's why I d1tlflX"!lH~~~~ JACK: (REG . MM ) Mind if I out in, Sweetheart? flTMU1 0370967 -10- MARY : (DISCUSTEDLY) Are you finished with the dishes already4 JACK : Oh yes . .they're all washed and put away : Look, Fink, .Flossie and I are busy . Here's. PHIL a dime . Why don't you run down to the store? JAOK: What do you want me to get? MARY: Lost . JACK: (ECHO) I WAIiO;D OUT OF THE HOUSE SMILINO AT FLOSSIE'g L24"i'fE JOKE . .THEN I WAS HORAIFIED TO 3EW QUR SON GcU& ~/,,, A LYIAYi ON TfE FRONT IAWN WITH A BROKEN \YIYFXFY7}~~'~WHEN~ HE-Y~ UP TO HIS ROOM, HE STEPPED OUT ON THE BALCONY TO GET SOME FRESH AIR . .IF I TOLD HIM ONCE, I TOID HIM A THOLBAND TIMEB, WE HAJEN'T GOT A BALCONY . . . . AS I BENT OVER HIM, GUBOPENm HIS EYES AND SAID -- DENNIS : What :,appened, Son? JACK : (REGULAR MIKE ) No no, you'ra the son, I'm your fathor . DENNIS : Oh . JACK : Toll me, are you hurt? . . DENNIS : Yes : .I think I broke my saucer . JACK : That's your log . , 0 Rrx 01 0 31 0 9 ee ...... _ll- , . JACK : (ECHO) AS I WALK® DCdN THE STREET TUdARD THE CORIV$R STOR E I COULDN I T HELP THINKIM7 HOW UJCKY I WAS . . I HAD A - WONDERFUL WIFE A SON WITH A BROKBNSAUCBR , AND A BOAFmER vrxo : m!apr~t~ .WHA ~Mn1i ooaiD°~s~t~fi ATIl'HOCC+H I HAD NEVER CARED FOR RICHBS, I D ID WISH THAT I CCUID AFFORD TO BUY MH WIF'E, FLOSSIE, THE LITTIT EXTRA THIN,3S SHE'D NEVER HAD BEFORR . . .LIKE VqjWA T00TH BRLBH . . OR EVEN TEETH . . .I CONTINUED WALKIN3DfMN TIRT8TRE6T WHEN SUDDENLY A VOICE CALLED TO ME FROM THE DARKgM DOOSMAY OF TE E FIRST NATIONAL BANK . (SOFT MYSTERIOSO MUSIC ) MEL: (TOUGH) Psst! Hey you . .you : (REGULAR MIRG) Who, me ? ! JACK MEL: Yeah, you . Come he ro . You wanna make fifty bucks ? JACK : (ECHO) WITHOUP EVEN THINKIN3, I SA ID "NO", .WHICH PROVE . . .SO I THOUGHT IT OVER AND SA ID -- SI WASN'T THINKINO JACK : (REGUTA R NIIID;) Did you say fifty bucks ? MEL: Yeah . .all you gotta do is stand out here in front of the bank, and if you see a cop, justwhistle : Whistle , JACK : Yeah, whistle? MEL something like Melancholy Baby . .or Ballerina . , any popular number . JACK : If you don't mind, I'd like to whistle "Star Dust" . I'm a friend of Hugo Carmichael . MEL : Whistle "Ballerina" . .attd when you see a cop coming, whistle loud so me and my friend can hear you . 0 prx0 1 031 0 969 . -12- . . . . . JACK : (ECHO) TfE,T WER6N'T FOOLING ME . I KNEW THE! WERE SONG PLUGGERS . .I STOOD IN FRONT OF THE BANK THINKINC OF THE FIFTY DOLLARB I WAS GOIN3 TO MAKE . TO ME THAT WAS A FOATUNS . THE NEAREST I EVER CAME TO BEIN3 RICH WAS WHEN I Aid10ST GUESSED THE NAME OF THE WALKINI MAN . . .,I WAS 80 SURE IT WAS I SumDENLY FROM INSIDV$M BANK I HgARD -- . (SOUND : LOUD EXPLOSION (OFF MIKE) JACK : (ECHO) THE BANK NOW HAD ~Zftd ~*, .THE NEXT THIN.7 I KNEv7, I WAS IN A SPEEDING CAR SEATED BE7WEEN SM 4W0 MEN AND THREP: SACKS OF MONEY, . .THEN, SUDDENLY . IT DAWNED UPON ME : THIS WAS A HOIIDUPl . (LOUD MUSIC) ' ^ - - JACK : (ECHG) THE RE3T OF THAT RIlE WAS LIKE A NIGHTMARE . .THEN THE TWO MEN BEGAN TOl~TA~ UKIE : Hey Clyde . .how muc}l did you promise this fink? JACK: (F.CHO) THEY KNEW MY NAME1 . . . . I LOOIQD AT .THE MEN . .THEN I LOOKED AT THEIR GSTilS„I NOTICED THE GUNS WERE IDENTICAL . . SO I ASKED THEM WHY TfT;Y BOTH CARRIED THIRTY-7W0 CALIBRE AU'POMATICS, .AND THEY SAID -- Nil3L "u UKIE : (SWEETLY AND WITH RHYTHM) They're first again with holdup men . JACK: (ECHO) I KNCW WHAT THEY MEANT BUT I MISSED THg MUSIC . . URNWAMM . .HAVING THAT ADVANTAOE , I LEER® BACK AT THEM AND SAID -- JACK : (BEGIIL4R MIIQ;) You fellovre oan'tget awa9 with this . I'm going to the police . FiTYf01 0310970 -23- MEL : You can't go to the police, buAdy . You ' re In this as deep as we are . JACK : (ECHO) I HIW T}NT TEE Td0 MEN WERE RIOHT .. I WAS TRAPPED . THI2OUGH NO FAULT OF MY (hHJ, I, BRUCE CRIMINAL, WAS I MEAN. .BRUCE FINK WAS NOdA CRIMINAL . (MOSIC) JACK : (ECHO) AS I RODE ALONG WITH THE TIRREE SACFG4 OF MONEY, THE CAR STOPPED AT A CORNER . T3E MEN PICKED UP 'IWO MORE SACKS . . ONE WAS SAKS FIFTH AVENUE . . .T1E CAR WAS NCW SO CRCWDfiD I HAD TO SIT.IN THE BACK WITH THE ESCAI,4TOR . . .FINALLY, THEY TfH2FW ME OUT OF THE CAR~ AM HY THL+ 5 HO~ a ~ IT WAS MCPSVINO . .A DREARY MORNI[~7 . J' 151241T. T~IfLND_ S ' BROKE TPSiOLOH THE "0" IN HONEST JOHN . . .THROUGH THE WINDOW I COL:D SEE SILK SHIRT NARRY HOLDINO MY WIFE, FLOSSIE, IN HIS ARhS . THEIR LIPS WERE PRESSED TCOETHER . I DREADID GOING INTO THE HOUSE . .I HAD BEEN GONE ALL NIGHT AND I COULTN'T TELL THEM WHERE I HAD BEEN . . .ALID I DIDN'T WANT FLJSSIE TO THINK THAT I WAS IN LOVE WITH ANOTIER WOMAN . . . I WRACKED MY BRAIN BUT I COULDN'T THINK OF AN EXCUSE, SO I DECIDED TO 00 IN AND BRAZEN IT OUT . . . . AS I OPENED THE DOOR -- (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) JACK : THEY WERE STILL KISSING . . (SOUND : LOUD KISS) . JACK : AS THUY SAW ME, THEIR LIPS PARTED : POP) . (SOUM) . 0 Ar 80 1 03109?1 -14- JACK: ( REGIIIAR MIKE ) Hello, Harry. Hello, Flossie . MARY : (DISGISTEDLY) Are you back already? . JACK: I know how you must've worried about me, darling, but I couldn't help it . .I bumped into an old prie~nI1dand we got to talking, and you know how timedlo .-V'~° MARY : Kiss me again, Harry . ~~ V . PHIL : Okay, Baby . . (SOUNID : KISS) JACK : (ECHO) IT WAS AS SI6E'IE AS THAT . NO QUffiTIONS, NO JEAIAUS . . REPROAC}J'S . . .FLOSSIE TRUS'1'ID ME IMPLICITLY. .I TAINK HARRY ' DID, TOO . . .I WAS HEARTSICK PS I WENT NPSTAIRS, THREv7 MYSEIF ON GUS'S BED, AND KIQOCK® MY PIVOT TOOTH OOP .. IF I TO X~Iay ONCE, I TOLD HIM ATHOi1SAPID TIMES, HE HA$N'T GOT A Bm ...... THE ivTJCT COUPLE OF WEEKS WERE LIKE A HORRIBLE DREAM . . .I DIDN'T KNOd WHAT TfE FUTURE HAD IN STORE FOR ME . . .I CONTINUED WITH ;+il HOUSEHOID DUTIZ':S . . . . ONE DAY AS I WAS PUSHING BLGS OUT OF TE E SCREEN WITH A TOOTHPICK„MY SON, GUS, WAS SITTING NEARBY, DOING HIS HOME410RK . HE LOOK® UP .AT ME Atm SAID -- DENNIS : Oh, fathead . . JACK : (HEOIIL4R MIKE) That's father . . .At least you're getting closer . What is it, son? DENNIS : This pencil won't write .. JACK: That's a knife . .Look, son . .that's a knife, this is a cup, and this is a saucer . .Do you understand? DENNIS : Yes, son . 0 A rx 0 1 031 0 972 -15- JACK : No no, Idm your father. . .Now^how aro you getting .along with . your s~111ng7 DENNIS : Fine, I can count up to ten now . . JACK ; Good work. . .Now listen, my boy . .I'm going to take you Into my confidence : . .Some men wore robbing a bank,and they promised me fifty dollars to whistle if I saw a cop . . DENNIS : A whatR : A cop. . JACK DENNIS :That'e a saucer . - JACK: (ECHO) I LEFT GUS SI1'TING IN A .POOL OF RLOOD . .I CCWDN'T STAND HIM ANYMORE . . . . PS I k'ALID31 INTO THE KITCHEN . .TfE . PHONE RANG . . . (SOIIPID : PHONE RINOS) • JACK:- (ECHO) A SHIVER WENT DOWN MY BACK . .THEN IT WENT UP d]! BACK, TAEN IT WENT DOWN MY BACK . .THE ESCATATOR WAS UNDER MY COAT . . . . THE PHONE RANCi AGAIN . (SOUND : PRONE RINGS . .RECEIVF.R UP) JACK : (REGULAR IYIIISE) Hello7 MEL: Hello, Fink, we're pulling anothor job tonight, and we want you to whistle for ue . .and you better be there if you lmow whatss good fcr you . JACK : Yes sir . .yes sin . .I'11 be there . -TMMMvWeMM 0 RTY( 01 03109?3 -1$- JACK : (ECHO) I THOUGHT OF RUNNING AWAY . .I THOUGHT OF IEAVIN6 TOTI. .I THOUGHT OF JANE R15SELL . .I DON'T HNC,J WHY I THOUGHT OF I M C, BUT IT WAS FUN, . .BUT WHEN THG BU%1I AR8 CALLED, I RNFsH I'D BE TiLF',FiE . . . . . THIS MEANT I'D HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOLBE AGAIN, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK THE IWS TO IfiC WIFE . I HOPED SHB WOULDN'T TAKE IT TOO HARD . . .I OPEL E D THE DOOR APID WALI44:D INTO THE PARLOR WHERE I FOUND FLOSSIE AND HARRY LOOKIDG AT OUR PICTURE AIBUM . . M,ViY: (L4LGIS) Oh look at this one, Harry . . .Thieis a picture of me and my husband Bruce the night we first met : Who's the other guy in the picture4 . . PHIL MARY : That's Ralph Edwarde .,he introduced un to Bruce as part of my Consequence . . JACK: F7ossie, dear, I have to go out again tonight mid I may not be home until late . MARY : fmd look, Harry, here's a picture we took on our honeymoon . This is Brace in his bathing suit . PHIL : Holy Iiacke^al, what a physique : He looks like something that was pushed through a screen with a toothpick . Mf,RY: (L:ILGHS) JhCIC : Oh, I don't blane you for being furious, Flossie . But you' 11 yt5S8 have to trust me . And re:aember, no mntter what happens . .I want you to Imow that I love you . . . . Well, I've got to go now . .Guodbye, Hurry . .,Goodbye, Flossie : (SWGF.TLY) How about a kise? - . D7N2Y (SOUND : LO:G KISS) 0 Rr 801 03109 ? 4 -17- JACK: (ECHO) NOTWANTI[Q* TO INTERRUPT THEM,I TIPTCED 0UT OF THE ROOM. . .ONCE AGAIN, I WAL•Q'9 OUTINTO THE NIGHT TO K6EP A RENDEZVOUS WITH DESTINYI . (MUSIC) JACK: (ECHO) THAT NIGHT WHIIE I WHISTlIID, THEY ROBBED THE SSCOND NATIONAL BANK . .THE NEXT NIG}!T T}Ey ROBBED THE T}QRD NATIONAL BANK . .THE NIGHT AFTER THAT TS14 FOURTH NATIONAL, APID THE FOLLOWIPA NIGHT THE BIXTH NATIONAL . EVERYONE WAS EKPECTING IT TO BE THE FIFPN . . . . . OH, THBY WERE SHREWD ALL RIGHT . . . .AND THEN -- (BIG MUSIC . .AND CONTINUIIJG SOFT UNDER FOLLOWIN:) ; (ECHO) IT HAPPENED. .THB CROORS DEOIDED I. JACK OUI2IVED MY USEFCt.NE'SS AND THEY TOOK ME TO A LONELY ROAD TO BUMP ME OFF . AS I STOOD 7HERE HELPIESS, THIs7 CAME AT ME WITH THEIR GUNS DRAWN . I TRIED TO GET AWAY . .BUT IT WAS NO USE . . .IWAS CORNERED . .TRAPPED . . . . I SCMEAMED FOR HELP . JACK : (RE3UTAR MIf.'E) (BIG SCRE-H~!) ~ JACK : (ECHO) SUODCMY FRO!d OUT OF NCvkERE, POLICE CAR4 APPEARSD : SIRENS . .SRAhsS)JACK . (S0U^iD : DOZENS CF COPS JUMPED OUT, I THOLGHT I WAS .SAVF`JD . .BL"t NO : .TREY TIlOUGHT I WAS ONE OF THB CROOKS AND THEY STARTED FIRI!Y} : FIVE GUNSHOTS). (SOUND JACK : I WAS HIT IN TH3 ARM . .IN THE IEG . .I SANK TO MYKNEEB WHEN SUDD3NLY -- JACK: (REGULAR MIKE ) When suddenly . . .when suddenly . . . . (SOUND: FLIPPING OF PAGES) 0 19 T YSP 1 03 109 75 ) -I6- . JACK: Hmn . .the last page of this book Ssmiesing . . . . . Wait~ . quite a few pages are gone . . . .011 ROCHESTER .'. .RCCHESTER . . (SOUND : DOOR oPENB) , ROCN : DID YOU CALL ME, BOSS? . . . ' . . . JACK : 9M. .trhat happened to this book? Them are about a dozen pages torn oWP~t.~ ~ ROCH : YOU DID THAT~YOUR DINNER PARTY . JACK : What4 . v 9 ROCH: IF I TOIJ7 YOU ONCE, I TOID YOU AWM TIWCg . .BUY PAPER NAPKINSI . . . . : Oh YU . .- .We1l . . .Have you got the flap on my nightgorm4. JACK I think I'll go to bed . . .0oodnight .* 1"MObV6 (APPIAUSE AND PLAYOFF) . 0 81,80 1 0310976 -19- DON : LADIES AND GENTIEMEN , I AM SURE YOU AGREE~THERE IS NOTFIING MGRE PATHETIC THAN A R6LPIESS CHIID SUFFERING FROM STARVATION , EXPOSURE AND SICKNESS . THOUSANUS OF 7CID5 IN THE DSPASTATED COUNTRIES ARE EXACTLY IN THIS PNFDICAMENT . SOP1N* UP TO US TO GIVE TI1EM A CHANCE TO SURVIVE .WE MUST HELP THEM 6RQr! UPTO BE HEALTHY CIEAR-TNINKING CITIZ6NS . SO I8T'S HELP TNOSE UNFORTUNATE CHILDREN BY SENDING OUR CONTRIBUTIONS T0CRUSADE FOR CHIIDREN , NEW YORK CITY. SAVE A CHILD, SAVE THE FUTURE . THANK YOU . (APPLAUSE) DON : JACK WILL BE BACK IN JUST A MINU1'E, BUT FIRST . . . fliXU1 031 0 477 THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM 5- 30-48 CLOSING COtMtE.RCIAL . -C- BOONE : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) ' RUY3DAEL : Lucky Strike -- first again .,, with tobacoo men, MUSIC : (TREME NUMHER ONE) RUYSDAEL : First again . .with tobacco men. , MUSIC : (TP{EME NIfi4BER ONE) . IAING: As a reeent impartial survey reveals - more independent tobacco experts smoke Luoky Strike regularly thun the next two leading brands cornbinod ;More than the next two leading brands combined -- Lucky Strike - MUBIC : (TfiEME NUMFER OI2a RUYSDAEL: First again . . . with tobacco men . MUSIC __(:fEME NUUER OIE) RUYSDAEL : That's what the s urvey shows, Now listen to what Mr . William Lee Currin, 24 years a tobacco suctioneer, recently said . . . VOICE : For years and years, I've seen the makers of Luc1Sy Strike buy fine, mild tobacco .,, tobacco that - s full of smoking cnjoyment . I ' ve smoked LuclcLee 23 .years ; LAING: Light up a Luc1Sy and, puff by puff, oy u'11 see - (MORE) BP Hrscoy os7os ? a Tk E JACK BBNNY PROGRAM . 5-30-48 CIASING COb4+ O CIAL - CONP . . -D- RUYSDAEL : IS - MFT LS - MFT LAINC : Lucky Strike means fine tobacco . So rouM, so firm, so fully packcd, so free and .eaeyon thodrav . So smoko the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lucky Strike . • MUSIC : ('1fWME NUMHER ONE) RUYSDAEL : First again -. . .-with tobacco men! Rrxa I 0310979 JACK: (YP.;:L'S) Ooe, it Feele good to get in befl . . .I I tnn meall.yy tired yygh , . (8011PID : DOOR BUZZER) . . . JACK : Oh flarn it, there'e the AWbuzzer . . - (QW76f 00(>~ . . ~ , . , JACK : Yes? 00M . u_ : wa re4 446% z wx s+e ~~.u~ ANNCR: Mr . Benny, .n w . JACK: What is it? ANNOR : TRIS IS NBC - THE NATIONAL BROADCASTIM7 -0OMPANY . AT}i01 0310960 ii7 :;07 tl3-((i1tEtl I.y THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM produced for TIIE AMERICAN TOBACCO ' CO. BATTEN, BARTON, DURSTINEby A. OSBORN, Inc. PROOUCPt LUCKY STRRCE pGARETCSS Netaoelct 1®0 Rro.demt 4tOD - 400 .6,.?968 _ Repext 900 - 3.000PUT v~~_+T!~e PM . AS BROADCAST Rrx01 031096 2 PRCCR4M g36 RBVISED CRIPT Ah7ERICAN TOS9CC0 COMPANY U1CKY STRIlSE THE JACK BFTJNY PROGRAM SUNDAY JUNE 6 1948 NHC 4 :00 - 4 ;30 FM - PST mc Rrx 0 i 03109 8 3 Tfffi JACK BENNY PRCGRAM - A June 6, 1948 OPENING COfvID' E RC7AL LAING : Tf E JACK BENNY PRCGRAM -- PRESEHI SD BY IUCI9C STRIISE! . BOONE : (CRANP -- 57 to 59 -- AME : Lucky Strike -- first againRICAN) RGYSIIAfiL with tobacco men . . MUSIC : (T1oME) • RUYSDAEL : First again with tobacco men! MUSIC : ('i'fEME) . IAING : Mor•o indopendent tobacco exports emoke Iucky Strike rogulnrly than the next two leading brands combined! RUX,SSWEL : There you_h_av_e _the findinge__o_f a recent imFartial survoy which reveals the personal smoking preference of tobacco men -- auctioneers, buyers and warehousemen . LAING : Yes, the survey shows -- Lucky Strike -- MUSIC : (TfEME) RUYSDAEL : First again with tobacco mon : MUSIC ('14EME) IAING : First agaln with tobacco men! First again with the menn who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that 7ight,that naturally mild tobacco . So light up a Lucky . Puff by puff you'll see .-- (MCRE) Rrxot 0 31 0 984 1- _ TfE JACKg~y PROORAM June 6 1948 OPENIIIO COyHv1ERCIAL (CONT'D) RUY9DAEL : 1S - lAFT LS - b]FT IAINO : Lucky Striko means fine tobacco : And in a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts -- so for yoim own real, deep-down emoking enjoyment smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lucky Strike!- MUSIC : (TNEb1E) RUYSINEL : First again with tobacco men : Lucky Strike! R7HU1 0 3109 8 5 -2- JACK : No, no . . . . I'11 take my white linen suit . . . .and I'll wear a blue tie . . .That sounds like a nice combination-white and blue . ROCH: UH HUH . . .THEN IF YOU WEAR YOUR R5D TOUPAY, YOU'LL LOOK IIISE OID GLORY : No, I'm saving. JACK that for the Fourth of July . . . . Now let's see . . . ROCH : YOU KNOW, B0.SSS . .I'M AWFULLY EXCITED ABOUP GOING TO DETROIT . . . ' I'M GETTING A NhW CAR : A new car . . .Gee, I wish. ' JACK I could afford one ...... HoW much is it going to cost you? . ROCH: TWENTY ONE HUNDRED DOLiARS : Twenty . JACK .Rochester . .where'd you got that kind of money? ROCH: WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS . . .I'VE BEEN WITH YOU EIEVEN YEARS AND BY SCRIMPING I VE SAVED HALF MY SAIARY EVERY WEEK,, .AND THIN LAST WEEK IT HAPPENED . JACK: You finally got enough? ROCH: YFAH. . .N:Y UNCIE DIED AND IEFP ME TWO THOUSAND DOIdAfS . JACK: Well . . .you see, Roohester . . .I told you when you atarted . . stick with me X= you'll be well off ...... NOw let's -- (SOUdD : DOOR BUZZER) JACK : COME ITI . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) : We11 . .Joey s.nd Stevie . . JACK KIDS : (TOGETHER) Hello, Mr . Benny : Hello, toys . What brings you. JACK here today? mc n rx 0 1 031 0 966 (FIFBT ROUTINE) (AFTER CCMdERCIAL . .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) . DON : THE IUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK HPNNY . .WITH,MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHESTER, DENNIS DAY, AND sY0UR5 TRULY" DON WIL4ON. . . (APPLqUSE . .MUSIC UP AND DONN) .. DON : LADIE4 AND GENTIENIEN . . .TONIGHT Tlfl: ENTIRE JACK BENNY TROUPE IS LEAVING FOR PER40NAL APPEAF ENCE4 IN DETROIT AND CIEVEL0.ND . .OPENING THUISb1Y AT THE FOX THEATER IN DETROIT ...... AS WE LOOK IN ON THE BENNY HOUSEHOlD . .JACK IS PACKING FOR THE TRIP . JACK: Rochester, did you put in my shaving cream, brush, and talcum powder? ROCH: YES SIR . JACK: My razor? . . ROCH: UH HUH . . . . I PUT IN EVERYTHING BUT YOUR RAZOR 9L4DES. . .HON1 MANY DO YOU WANT TO TAKE? : Better take two . .I'11 be gone twelve weeks. JACK . . . . Two will be enough .. . . . I ~ CM8 RCCH : BOSS . . .HOW MANY SPAVES DO YOU GET OUT OF AC RAZOR DLADE ANYNAY? . JACK: Atout seventy-five . ' ROCH: SEVENTY-FIVE SHAVES OUT OF ONj6WAPF0 . .HOW DO YOU DO IT? JACK : It's a little secret of mineI. .for the firut fifty shaves, I don't take the paper off . . . .Now I ought to take along - something light and cool for my stage appearances . ROCH: SHALL I PACK YOUR GRAY GAB9RDINE? mc RTH 0 1 03 1 048? -3- JOHNNY: We came over to say goodbye : Well . . JACK . . ~ - JOHNNY: (WHISPEFS) 00 ahead, Stevie : Okay . .Okay . . . . (CIEAR9 THROAT). JERRY . . . . MR . ffidNY. .WE, THE h4MBEId OF THE HEVERLY HIIL4 BEAVERS, HAVE BROUGHT THIS 00INO .AWAY PRESENT TO YOU. OUR FEIdAW BEAVER . . JACK: Well gee, fellows, thanks . .Shall I open my present now or on the train? JOHNNY : Open It now . ' JACK: Okay . (SOUND: TEARINO OF PACKAGE OPEN) JACK: Oh . . .just what I've always wanted . . .a frog . . .Gee . .and what a pretty frog . .It sure looks'swell . : It looked cven better when it was alive . . JOHNNY JACK: Well fellows . .I certainly appreciate the sentiment, and I'll keep it with me as long as the weather stays cool . . .SO long, ~ Eoyf . KIDS : GOODBYE, %fA-crIENNY. (SOUND : DOOR CLOSES) JACK : beell, I guess we're about finished packing, Rocheeter . . I wonder if Don Wilson is through with his Imt , (TRANSITICN MUSIC) (SOUND : PHCNE RINGS) ' DEA : Oh Donald, dear . .you answer the p}pne . .I'11 finish the packing . DON : Okay, dnrling . (SOUND: HECEIVER UP) mc fiT 8 01 0 310986 DON : Hello? . . . . Yes, this is Don Wilson . .,Long Dietanoe . . .Well, put i hLn on . . . . He11o . . .Yea, I'm fine . .how are you? WHAT . . . . .CONGRATUTATIONS ., .NICE OF YOU TO CALL.OH, _ THAT'S WONDERFUL ME, . . GOODDST: . : . . (SOUND : RECEIVER DONR) . . . DON : Darling, darling. .have you heard the wonderful news? BEA : (EXCITED)- No, what, what? . . . DON : LUCKIES ARE FIR9T AGAIN WITH TO&lCCO MEN . BEA : Oh Donald, I'm so happy for you . .Now you botter finish that ]ittjr you're writing to Mr . Benny . . . s DON ;/ I am finlahcd . .would you liko to hear it? BSA : Yes . DON : Okay . .(CLEARS THROAT) . . ."DEAR JACK . .I'VE TAIICED IT OVER WITH THE LITTLE WOM4N, AND I'VE COME TO THE CONCWSION THAT AN ANNOUNCER OF MY REPUP .ITION SHOUID BE TREATED WITH FAR MORE DIGNITY ON THE PROGRFM . BEA : That's good . .continue, Darling . DON : "FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW YOU'VE BEEN GETTING L4UGH5 AT THE EXPENSE OF MY EXCESS W6IGHI', .(INCREASING ANGER) . .I HAVE JUST AROUP REACHED THE LII+tIT OF MY ENDURANCE, AND MUST'NARN YOU THAT I AM NWJ SERVING 9OTICE THAT FROM THfS DAY FORWARD I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY RBFEL ENCES TO MY OBE SITY : " . BEA : THAT'S TELLING HIM, F.1TSO : . . .,,,,,Now I'll got you a sternp . 4t. DON : / You needn't bothcr . .I'm going to tear it up : Tesr up tho letter? . . .Don't you want Jack to. BEA stop making up jokes about you being fat? . mc Ar 801 0 31 0 989 w uao.a. DON : Let's FM it, darling . . .[qV lard is our bread and butter . BEA : (HAPPY) Ah, that's what I like about you, Donald . .you're so cute in a sloppy sort of way : I know, . DON . (TRANSITION MUSIC) : Pauline, have .you packed all my stockings and. MARY nightgowns7 DORIS: Yes, Ma'am . : Good . . .now put this eyebrow pencil . MARY in .my cosmetic case . 011, DORIS :/ Ialready packed your eyebrow pencil . MARY : I know, but I better take two . . .Mr . Bonny always forgets his . DORIS : Say, Miss Livingstone, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? . MARY: No, what is it, Pauline? DORIS : Is there anything between you and Mr .B=nny? . .I mean, has he ever gotten romantic with you? MARY : We11 . . .once . . .a couple of years ago, . . . .parked the.he drove me up to Mulholland Drive one night car . .looked .at me, .e then said, "Mary . .I'm going to take you in my arrrs and crush you to a pulp" . . .Then he put hie arms around me and squeezed and squeezed . DORIS : Gee, what happened? NIARY : He broke two of his ribs ...... Since then, he's never gotten romantic . DORIS ; Well, Mr . Benny ought to start thinking of getting married real soon . . .Ho's thirty-nine and he's not getting any younger . 0 RTH 0 i 0310990 _6_ MARY : The way he counts, he's not getting any older either . . . . 3M yARY: ...... Now hurry, Pauline, I haven't much titlte . . . DORIS : (SIGHS) Gee, Miss Livingstone . .I sure envy you . . .Efaking this mwonderful trip and being on the same train with PhilHarrie . 6WRY:/ You really have a crush on Fnil, haven't you, Pauline? DORIS : Oh yes, Miss ISvingstone . .evei}v time I eee Mr . Harris, I wish I was only two inches tall : Only two inches tall . .why? . MARY DORIS : I'd like to take off my shoes and run barefoot through his hair . 9at yat Imw ... Yft 7mw, PmlSaO MARY: (LAiGHING) Oh Paulisv4 . . .8ut he has got nice hair . . .I first noticed it when I saw a picture of him and Alice Faye in a magazine ad . . DORIS : Phil and Alice? . . . . . Hhat kind of an ad was it? MARY : Oh, you've soon thom. . .Under the picture it says, "Which one of these twins has the Toni?" MARY : ~i . . .I wonder where Phil ieZOW . .I've been trying to get him on the phone all day . . (TFANSINTION MG9IC) V . PHIL: / Gosh Frarilde, just think, in a couple of hours we'll be on that Super Chief bound for Detroit . . 0 FlTX01 0310991 _7_ ELLIOT : Yeah . .Gee Curly, I can hardly wait, . .(uP),,,TAO MORE SC01CH AND WATERS, BARTEPIDER : Here you are . . MEL (SOUfID: CLINK OF GI/tSSF9) PHIL : Hey Frankie . .what time is it? ELLIOT : Four o'clock . PHIL: What time did we come in this joint? ELLIOT : Three o'clock . PHIL: That ain't so bad, we only been here thirteen hours . .8et 'em up again, bartender . ' P4E L :Here you are . (SOIIfm : CLIML OF OI?BSEB) . PHIL : Say, Frankle . .2 think I oughta call up Alice and tell her whem I am . ELLIOT : WPy, Curly? PHIL : .W`.q'rIX-don I t want her to think I'm wasting my time in a pool room . ELLIOT : Aw, call her later . PHIL : Okay . ELLIOT : You ]mo, i, Cur1y . .I been thinking and thinking for weeks and weeks, and I ' ve just realized something, PHIL : What? ELLIOT : You and me are a couple of bums, PHIL : Oh, we air,'t so bad, another round bartender . MEL : Hure you are . (SOJ2 : CLIHi{ OF GIJuSSES) 0 fiTN01 0310992 F.Id.IOT: You kiow, I'm not too happy about this trip, Cur1y . . .I'11 probably be lonesome in Detmit,, .You'11 probably spend all your time with Benny . . He . . . yeu aen't hn.e no t® PHIL: IffiLa~. .you can't have no fun/running around with Jackson . . . His idea of a big time is standing on a street oorner trying to whistle at dames . ELLIOT : Trying to whistle? PHIL : Yeah, .,it takes him half an hour to pucker up those wrinkled old lips . . ELLIOT : No ]dddin' : Yeah. . .and. PHIL by the time he does get them puckered, he's too pooped to blow . .Two scotches and water, bartender . E'LLIOT: Etxt two for mo, too . AEL: Here you are . - (BOUND : CLINK) : . look :HIL: Hey Frankie ./it's getting late, af we gotta get to tjig that station . . .I'll go out and call a cab . ELLIOT : Nah . . .let's have another drink and float down, PHIL: We ain't got time . . .Hey bartender. .how much do I owe you? MEL : Four hundred and seventy-five dollars . PHIL : Okay . . .Charge it to my account . ELLIOT : Four hundred and seventy-five dollars . . .You lmow Curly, that's kind of expensive, . PHIL: Yeah, but look at the money .we save on food . . . .Come on . .ws're supposed to pick up Dennis Day on the way to the station . Let'e get Qut of bere . (TRANSITION Mll,IC ) 0 ATM01 0310993 -9- DENNIS : Well . .let's see . .. .I've packed all the new things that I bought in the store today . . .Two shirts . . .two tiee . .two l :air cf - socke . .two handkerchiefs . . .end thirty-six pair of shorts . . . . Gee, that guy Sn the underwear department waes a good salesman . . . .I don't mind buying all this underwear, but I wish I had gone to the men's department . . . . Well, I'm aIl ready now . . .(UP) OH M077[ER . . .MOTAER . : (OFF) Your mother isn't here, son . . KEARNS DENNIS : Who are you? BEARNS : Your father . DENNIS : Oh . . . . Where's mother? - , KEARNS : She's not home, son . .She'll see you down on the train : Oh, .i q she going to Detroit? . DEM7IS : No, only to Albuquerque, then a new engineer. KEARNS takes over . DENNIS : Albuquerque? KEARNS ; Yes : r_ better. DENNIS tell her, if an Indian trios .to soll her any jewelry, to look under the blanket . . . it might be Mr. Banny . Yes KE ARNS :/T_'ll tell her . . .Well son . .I'11 kind of miss you when you're gone . .and I feel kind of funny . .letting you go on the road alone . DENNIS : Ch, you needn't worry Dad . . .I'm with Mr . Benny most of the time . IIEARNS : With Mr . Benny . .what do you do? . Well DENNIS :/We stand on street corners and he winks and I whistle . KEARNS : What? <` 0 Hrxa 1 0 310 9 94 -10- DENNIS : And if a girl stops, he faints and I run . . . . . Well, I'm ready i oLgo now, Dad . .I'll wait on the porch for Phil Iiarris . NEARNS :/Son, before you go out . .you lmow that eong I like sovmch, "May I Never Love Again" . . DENNIS : Yes .ARNS : Would. RE you eing it for me? DENNIS : Okay, son . NFd+RNS : No no, you're the son, I'm your father . .Now go ahead and sing . (APPLAUSE) (DENNIS'S SOW _ "MAY I NEVER LOVE AGAIN") . (APPLAUSE) . . 0 Rrx 0 1 03 1 04 9 5 (sECOND RovrINE) -11- (SOUND : CAR MK:TOR UP . .BRAKE3 . .DOOR OPENS)JACK : Well Mary, here we are at theUnion .Station . How much is it, Driver? UKIE : That'11 be a dollar ninety-five : A dollar ninety-five? . .Here's-two. JACK dollars, keep the ohange . UKIE : Thank you very much . . . JACK : You're quite welcome . UK1E : Mr. Ben~y . .do you mind if I say something? JACK : No No, go right ahead . - . UKIE : You're tighter thsn the ice-ca :e tray in a twelve dollar refrigerator . JACK : What? (SOUND : CAR GOES OFF FAST) ~ACK : Hmm, . .Come on, Mary, let's go in the station . . (SOUND : bC)OTSTEPS . .STATION DOOR OPENS . .VOICES UP AND STATION NOISES) MEL : (FILTER) TRtiIN LFAVING CN Tk CK FIVE FOR ANAHEIM, AZUS9 AND OUCAMONGA .Trafn leaviog on track five for Anahef ., 4suea and Cucemonga . JACK : I told the gang to meet us over by the information desk . (SOUND : }UOTSTEPS . .CROND NOISES UP AND DONN) MARY : Say, Jack, there's Dennis over there weighing himself . Ta0RI lyt7nnY MwR JACK : Oh yes . , (SOUND : FEW FOOTSTEPS . .POUNDING ON M4CHINE) MB RT 8 01 0310996 -12- JACK : Dennis, what are you ~Jampiog on that .aohfae fort DENNIS : I put a penny in, but no peanuts came out . JACK : Dennis, thatTs a weighing msohine . .. . .it's a aoale-whenyou put a penny in a little card comes out . .Th®re it is, down there . DENNIS : Oh yes . .Gee, look . .I weigh a hundred and fifty-five pounds . btr1RY : And Dennis, on the other side is your fortune . . aow they tell ~e, DT ..NNIS : My fortune7 . .Let me see . . . . Gee, JACK : What does it say? DF.NNIS : "No peanuts ." JACK : Oh, for heaven's sake . .Look kid, you better take care of your baggage and I'll see you on the train . .COme on, Mary . >i•;RY : Jack, I think I'll go over and buy some magazines .?CK : Okay . .in the meantime, I'11 go over and validate the. d tiokets : CRClND NOISES UP AND DGNN) 6IE% .(SOUND . : (FILTER) ATPF.NTION, PLFASE . .ALL PASSENGERS GOING TO ANAHEIM, TAKE SAND.NICHES AS THERE IS NO DINER . . .ALL PASSENGERS GOING TO AZUSA, TAKE SOFP DRINKS AS THERE IS NO CLUB CAR . . .ALL PASSENGERS GOING TO CUCAMONGA, TAKE THE 8US AS THERE IS NO TRAIN . (SOUND : CROWD NOISES UP AND DOWN) MARY : Gee, I don't know what magazine to buy . PHII, : H'ya, Livvy, you one way ticket to dreamland, you . MARY : (LAUGHINGLY) Oh hello, Phil . . .what are you buying? HM PHIL : A mystery magszine/.Here's one that looks good . .'Who'e Gordon" . mb AT 8 01 03 10997 -13- MARYs That's "House and Garden" . . PHIL : Oh . 7here'e MARY : / There's a magazine I want . .the one with Robert Taylor's picture on it . . PHIL : Robert Taylor's picture? MARY : Yes . PHIL: You mean Spangler Arlington Brugh? MARY: No, Phil, I don't mean (MIMICING PHIL) Spang],er Arlington Brugh . .I mean Robert Taylor, . PHIL : Livvy, what do you see in Bob Taylor, anyway? MARY ; Well, what does Alice see in you? PHIL: Livvy, if I stood here telling you, wetd both miss the train, MAHY : Well, that does it . . .See you later, Phil . . Phil : O .K . LS y `SODND : CRLPlD NOISES UP AND DUNN) MF.L ; (FILTER) ATTENTION PLFASE, THE STATION MASTER JUST RECEIVED A COMPLAINT ABOUT OUR SERVICE„SO FROM NCW ON ALL THE WEIGHING MACHINES WILL GIVE PFANUPS . (SOUND ; CROND NOISES UP AND DOWN) SACK : Now let's soe . . .where's that ticket window . .Oh, yee . . .there it is right over there . mb n 1'Y101 0310998 -14- MEL ; (FILTER) YOUR ATTENTION, PLFASE . .WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCII.MT FROM THE LOST AND FOUND DEPARINIF.flP . . .WILY TRE .OANER9 OF THEBE PEPS PLEISE CLAIM THEM? . . .WE HAVE A DCO (BARKS) A HORSE -- (NEIGHB) A WOODPECKER -- (WOODY W00DPFxKF.R IAUGH) AND A FIG -- . T-T-T-T-THAT'S ALL FDIKS . (SOUND : CRCWD NOISES UP AND DUNN) JACK : Hmm. .I'm glad Rochester is taking care of my .parrot : OH JACK . .JACK, . . DON . JACK ; Oh, hello Do DGN : Jack, I'm°I'm late but I stopped by the office to piok up the oommercials for our Detroit broadcast . . JACK : Well, where'e my quartet, the Sportsmen? They were supposed to come to the station with you . . DON : There they are, Jack, down by the gate . JACK : Where? DON ; Right over there, saying goodbye to their wives . JACK : Oh yes . .their wives came down to see them off ., .Isn't that nice? mb Ri}f 0 1 0 310999 -I5- GORCH6STRA IN1R0 TO "TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE GOODBYE") QUART : TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE, GOODBYE . TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE, DON'T CRY . THE CHOO CHOO TRAIN THAT TARES ME AWAY FROM YOU, NO WORDS CAN TELL HOW SAD IT MAKFi'S FE : GIRIB : KLSS ME, TOOTSIE AND THEN . DO IT OYER AGAIN . QUART : WATCH FOR THE MAIL. WE'LL NEVEp FAIL GIRLS : IF WE DON'T GET A IETTER THBN WE'LL KNOW YOU'RE IN JAIL . TOT 19T QUART : ffi9Y ffidq TOOTSIE, DON t T CRY . , TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE, GOODBYE . . GIRLS : TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE, GOODBYE QUART : KEEP ON SMOKING THOSE GOOD OID LLUKY STRIKES GIIUS : TOOT TOJ^.' TOOTSIE, DON'T CRY 're ento QUART : R'HEY'RB. :,::^c ONLY Si'dOKE THATWE/1 tM YOU ALL WILL L= WITH MEN WHO KNOW TOBACCO e IT"y =LUCKD;S ROUND AND FiRM AND FULLY PAC KED, SO LIGHT ONE LIGHT 0 Nr AND THEN GIRLS : WE KNOW TIEY'RE FIRST IJITH TOBAC-TCBACCO MEN QUART : DO PP OVER AGAIN G;ALS : WE'LL MISS YOU SO BUf NOW WE MLBT GO TELL F . E . BOONE AND SPEEDY RIGOS THAT WE SAID HELi.O QUART & GIRLS : TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE, GOODBYE AND =P ON SMOKING LLCKIES, . .,GOODBYE APPLAL6E ATYl01 0311000 (THIRD ROUTINE) -16- 7ommmL (SOUND: CROAD NOIS$4 UP AND DOWN) MEL: (FILTER) ATTFMTION PLFASE, ATS'FIiTION . .LFAVINO ON TRACK 'll[EEA, TAE SOUI4IBOUND SPECIAL FOR NB9 ORL&fNS, MffidPHIB, MOBILE, BIFTAINCiliA1, AND D00 WAR DIT2'Y : CROND NOISffi UP AND DWJN) JP . (SOUND .CK: Now let's see . . . . lhis must be the window right here . . . .Oh Mister . . .Mister . NELSON : YESSSSSS . . JACK : Are you the agent? . Well ?.'LSON :/How do you think I got all these tickets, speeding dovm Wilshire Boulevard? JACK : Look, I've got a ticket to New York but I wants arrange for stop-overs at Detroit and Cleveland . NELSON : Detroit and Cleveland? What a coincidence . .my parentss were in Detroit when I was born in Cleveland . JACK : Wait7gppyI I how could your parents be in Detroit when you were born in Cleveland? . NELSON : We had a stork with a lousy bombsight, JACK : What? NELSON : Aren't you glad you asked? k9k . ft• ULM JACK : Now Mister,IAqk i want you to do is validate my tickets ma -- ATYiO1 0311001 ..~------_ _ ------., YSgran gll . HB~: Pardon me a moment . .I'm in a hurry . .do you/nind if I go ahead of you? : No no, go right ahead . . JACK , NELSON ; What can I do for you, sir? - ~P- Well I'd like epne Snfoxmation about Doo Wah Ditty . NI1 SON : Yes sir, what would you like to know? Well . . . . is old Bob still there with all the news7 N'EigLSON : Yes yes, he Ss . the Does he still wear that box-baok ooat e.ncY button shoes? NE[SON : He certainly does . . .and not only that, he's all caught up with his Union dues . . JACK: ~ok, Mister . . !i3.SON : Anything else you ' d like to ]mow? Vigrsn :~': Yes . . .Do they still have those bsked ribs and candied yams . and those sugar cured Virginia hems? NE[.SON : Oooooooooh, do they! And basements full of those berry jams . JACK : No! NELSON : You keep out of this : Pardon me . . JACK NELSON : Now wh at else wo uld you like to know? v ran 1 : Well, before I get to Doo Wsh Ditty for those back bones end butter beans, does the train stop so I can sip that absinthe in New Orleans? NE~LSr ON : . You oen bet ycnr layer oelroe it doee . Hf~Y~ Well, that I s all I~ lt0mow . . .01ve me a ticket . oir. NELSON : Here you are . /. flTX01 0 311 0 02 -18- . ..: .;,,: NIL50tu 7at " JACK: Hnnn. . .to h3M/lie's gotta be niceslraaqy, NELSON: What are you mumbling about? JACK: Look Mister, all I want you to,do is validate my tickets . NrwSON; Very we1l . .Pullman . . .P . . . . Upper . . . . U . . . .Here'e your reservation . .P .U . Look eister . . . look . . . ' JACK: I've got a good notion to report you to the company . NLLSON: Oh, I wish you wouldn't they don't know I'm working here . JACK: I thought so . . .Now give me those tickets .. : CRCWD NOISE$ UP AND DCN.4i) b . (SOUND :rL : (FILTER) ATPENTION, PLEASE 7HE S'WTA FE SUPER ..CHIEF NOW ' LESVING ON TlNCK NINE. . .AT.L ABOARD! ' (SOUND : TRAIN BELL) :.1T.SY: (OFF) JACK. . .JACK. . .HURRY UP . . ' JqOK: COMING MARY . .CQNING . . (SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) MEL : (FILTER) AITIIVTION, JACK BENNY, ATTINTION . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS STOP) Je.aak Huh4 MII : (FILTER) YOU LEFT YOUd BRIEF CSSE :.T '1HE TAKI S7YiND. JACK: Oh my goodness : MEL: ONE OF 93E DRIVERS IS BRINGING IT TO YOU : Gee, I never even missed it . Oh,. JACK here comes the taxi driver now. .OH BUDDY . .BUDDY . . .HERE I AM . . .RI(9IT OVER HERE . (SOUND : COUPLE OF RUNNING FOOTSTEPS UP AND STOP) JACK : Gee, thanks a lot, buddy, for bringing me my brief case . . .I certainly-- .. fi 1' }401 03 1 1003 -19- HY : Wait a minute, wait a minute . .I know you . JACKt Huh? S I HY: / I drove you down to theatation Iast time . JACK: You did? . . .Well, give me my brief oase, IPve gotta-- . HY: (STARTING TO CRY) /XYMNre-not going away again, are you? MARY : JACK . .Ti{E TRAIN . .'IIiE TRI+IN . Look JACK : /Buddy-- HY: Oh, why do people have to go away . .I can't stand saying goodbye . JACK : Buddy . .my brief case . and HY : (CRYING) If I give it to you, you'll go ./.I can't go through that again . .you went away once before . Look JACK : /Look, it wasn't me . .you must be thinking of eomebody else . HY : No no,/itno' was you all right . How could I ever forget those big bluo eyes . (SOUND : TRFlIN BELL S1Y+RTS . .AND TRAIN STARTS) MARY: JACK . . .THE TRAIN IS PULLING OUT . JACK: I KNCN . .NCW LOOK BUD . .LEP GO OF MY BRIEF CASE OR I'LL MISS MY TRAIN . HY : (CRYING) ALL RIGST . .AIY RIC$iT. .HERE. .TAKE IT . . .TAKE IT . I'm JACK : I ' M COMING, MFRY ./.CCMIflG. , (SOUND : RUNNING FOOTSTEPS AND FADE . . .TRAIN PULi.S OUT) HY: (CRYING) OH WHY DID I HAVE TO BE A 1YiXI DRIVER FSlD ALWAYS SEE PEOPLE GO AWAY? . MII. : (FILTER) ATTENTIOH, PLEASE, ON TRACK SEVPSI, THE CHIEF NOA ARRIVING FRCM CHICAGO. HY: ARRIVINGI OH, GOODY, GOODY, GOODY . . . PEOPLE ARE COMING BACK . . . PEOPLE ARE CQAING &1CK . .(IAUQIS ITYSTERICALLY) (APPIAUSE AND PIAYOFF) P fiTM 0 1 03110 0 4 -20- JACK: Ladies and gentlemen, during the last war, the chief hope of our enemies was to divide the United States along mcial and religious lines, and thereby conquer us . A divided America is a weak.'Let's not spread prejudice Amerlca, and we need the same harmony among our various racial and religious groups that vse the source of our strengthin war . Through our behaviour we encourage the respect of our children and make them better neighbors to all racee and . religions . Remind them that being good neighbors has helped make our country great and kept her free . Thank you . (APPL.USE) . DON: Jack will be back in just a adnute, but first . P Rrxa I 0 391005 THE K 19 PRGGRAM - C - JIJNET,6 CLOSING CCMW RCIAL RIGGS : (CRnNT -- 57 to 59 -- A6KRICAN) . RUYSINEL : Lueky Strike -- first again with tobacco men . MUSIC : ('141EME) : First again with tobacco. RUYS)4EL men . MUSIC : (7M1EME,) L4ING ; As a recent impsrtial survey revoale -- more independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike ;regularly than the noxt two loading brands combined! Moro than the next two leading brands combined : Lucky Strike -- MUSIC : (THEM6) RUYSDAEL : First again with tobacco men . MUSIC : _ (THEME) RUYSbAEL : That's what the survey shows . Now liston to what Mr . Porter Gray Wall, Senior, 29 yeors a tobacco buyer, recently said -- . VGICE : At auction after auction, I've soon the makers of Lucky Strike buy plonty of good, fine tobacco . . . tobacco that's really tops . I've smoked Luckios 14 years : L4ING : So light up a Lucky . Puff by puff you'll see -- (MORE) 6 Til01 0311 006 THS JACK BENHY PRCGRAM - D- Joxg 6, 1948 CLOSING C0.M AERCIAL (CCNT'D) . RUY S .l4EL: LS - N PT IAING : Lucky Strike means fine tobacco . $o round, eo firm, eo fully pecked, so free and oaey on the draw . So smoke the smoke tobacco exports smoke -- Lucky Strike . MUSIC : ('i'MMF ) RUYSDAEL : First again with tobacco men : Lucky Strike! PR ATYS 0 1 0311007 -21- (TAG) (eume end eings the®e frcn oomroie.l' JACK: .f.e.diee and gentlemon, be sure to listen to "A Aay In The Life of Dennie Da y" on Wednesday .: Next Sunday we ' ll be broadcasting from Detroit, Michigan, whexe .we open our personal appearance tour at the Fox Theater on this cemf.ng Thursday, featuring Phi1 Harris, Rochester, the Sportsmen Quartet and that Metro Goldwyn Mayer glamour-star, Marilyn Maxwell. Goodnight, folks ., . prxol 0311008 1 . PROORAM #37 . REVISED BCRIPT AS B~pA~~AST AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUCKY STRIKE THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM SUNDAYi JVNH 13 . 1NBC 7 :00 -'L.5-0 -PM - HDT DETROIT, MICHIGAN KK RT X 01 03 1 1009 (OPENING COMMERCIAL) LAINO : THE JACK BENNY PROORAM -- presented by LUCKY STRIEE! RIGGS : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) RUYSDAEL : LUCKY STRIKE! FIRST AOAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN . MuSIDt THEME : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN!'. ' RUYSDAEL , MUSIC: THEME LAINO : More lndependent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands comb n d! Yes, more than the next two leading brands combined! RUYSDAEL : A recent Smpartlal survey reveals the personal smoking preference of tobacco men -- auctioneers, buyers and warehoueemen . This survey ahoxs Lucky Strike : MUSICt THEME RUYSDAEL : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN! MUSIC : THEME LAING : First again with tobacco men! First again with the men who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco . So light up a Lucky . Puff by pufl, you ¢I aeet . ar 801 0 3 1101 0 •A• RUYSDAELt 14 - NPP LS - I1PT LAINO 3 Lueky Strike means tine tobsogo! An8 ;n p oigarette it ' s the tobacco that oounts--- so for your own real,seep-Aown smoking enjoyment, smoke tM smoke tobsoaoekpsrts smoke --Luok y 8trikel MUSICt TNEIB RUSYDAELi FIRST AOAIN WITN TOBACCO MSN1 LM BTRIIC61 fflT801 0311011 .~------ .1 . (FIRST ROUTINE) (AFTER COt91gRCIAL . . . . MUSIC UP AND DOWN) DON: THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRINO JACK BENNY. . . . WITH MARY. LIVINGSTON, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHEST®t, DENNIS DAY, AND "YOtURS , TRULY" DON WILSON . (APPLAUSE . . . . MUSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : LADIES AND OENTLEMEN . . .TONIOHT WE'RE BROADCASTINO FROM DETROIT, MICHIGAN, THE AUTOMOBILE CAPITAL OP THE MORLD . . . . BUT YgSTFRDAY THEY RAISED THE PRICES OP NEW AUTOMOBILES,SO TODAY WE BRING YOU THE WALKING MAN . . . . .JACK BENNY . . . (APPLAUSE). teltieg JACK: Thank you, thank you . . .hello again,thie ie Jack Benny/ . .and Don, you're right, I haven't got a new oar . . .but St'e not that au. I haven't tried There's still an awful shortage . oa DON : /That's right, Jaok . . . .it's almost impossible to get a new car . JACK : You're not kidding, Don . . .this morning I saw Kaiser and Frpzer AR they were both riding blayclee . . . . Andthat hyphen between 24 their name was on roller ekates . . . . But gea, I'd./glve anything to pick up a new oar here . DON : Well Jack . . . . I'm quite sure I can help you get one . JACK : gow7 . _ DON: Well . . . . I don't like to brag . . .but I carry quite a bit of weight Sn this town . RTYS01 0311012 .g. JACK : Well I wish you'd . . .(TRAHSITION) Don, wouldyou mind repeating that? ' e DON: I said /. . . .I carry quite a bit of weight }qthie town . M JACK : Don, you carry iS . . . . No, I won't say }g . . . . IL won't egy it /. .Me were number one in the Hooper last week, why take any ohanoes . . . . . anyway Don, thanks for offering to help aie . . . . but I'm not sure I'd like to get ~ of the latest fmt~o!d~el. _4 . . . .They so . revolutionaryi/^. . . . .no cranks in frontf. . .Anldl7another thing, they'v, made so many radical changes in the deeigne . . . .Have you seen the rear end of the new Cadillao4 DON: Yea, why? JACK: It looks like two salmon ewimming upstream to .epawn. . .Believe me . Ute DON: Well anyway ; Jack . . . . I'm glad 4% we finally took t_ trip to Detrolt . . . . You know, I've needed a new car for three years and I'm going to get it now . t.11 / JACK : Don, if lYWVeeded a car so badly, why didn't you get it back in Hol3ywood4/ Why did you have to come to Detroit? DON : For a fitting . Omy yae f fertet . . JACK : /Oh yea,~ . . . i1MNWiVWVAL . .yoY do need a new oar . . .Your old one is a little tight arouni"W uggage oompartment . . . . Maybe you can let out the fendere~~1'---Oh, hello Mary . MARY : Hello Jack . . . . Don . . .He1lo, everybody . (APPLAUSE) Rrrt01 0 311013 .3 . t JACK : /Wel Mary . . . .how do you like it here4 . dr MARY: / Wonderful, Jaok . . .eiamly Monderful . . .to me, Detroit is one of the greatest cities in America . - DON : Well . . . .you really do like it here, huh Mary4 MARY : Yes Don ...... I love Detrolt . . . . First City of Miohigan . . . . Flret 1wK\ in Automobile produetlon . . .andfO7Rt in ' The American League . - 6rr2 . JACK : Gee, Mary . . . . i/didn't know you were Snterested Sn baseball . MARY : Well, I am . . .and Jack, the other day I went out to Brlgge Field . . .And I've got some bad news for you . ., JACK : What ie St4 MARY : Greenberg isn ' t on third anymore . 9.e. I. JACK : / Gee, I muet tell my wrlters . . . . They think Ty Cobb is still out in left field . DCN : Mary, have you seen many otherthings .here in town? MARY : Oh yes, Don . .one of the places I visited was the Ford Factory . . . . You know, Ford sponsors Fred Allen . JACK: Cee I can't understan'd~i~ .a progressive company like Ford going 1% back to the Model "T" Z .And why should he be on the air for Ford anyway, with that receding forehead he looks lile a Studebaker . . 9h. MARY : $h}aqJack . . . . why don't you stop picking on Fred and admit that he's d good comedian? 19 TH01 0311014 -4- - ta . .w-.-~ .. JACKi Oh, he is, Hary. . . .ha ~ . . . .But.t~t "t thiI-ddn ~g,p ~9 ould be }nK: t~~ on the air for an automobile . . . . . Fred should be sponsored by a ball-bearing company . . MARY : Why? . ~ JACK : Because every time I hear him, my stomaoh turne . . .and let's-stop talking about him . MARY: Ckay . . . . Anyway Jack . . .yeeterday I went outto the Desoto plant and I met the cutest engineer . . . .I went out with himlaetnight . Taa- NWWbMp1Wt JACK : / Did you have fun? . KARY : Yeah . . .but you know, it seeme that everyone around here is always thinking and talking in terms of automobiles . DCN: What do you mean, Mary? MARY : Well, this fellow took me out in the park, and we sat down on a bench in a dark corner . . .Then he looked into my eyes and said, "Honey . . . . do you know you have the nicest, shiniest pair of ' headlights I've ever seen ." . JACK : No . MARY : Yes . . . .Then he looked at myv lips and told me I had a great paint job . _ JACK : What b technique . MARY : And then he put his finger on my nose . . . . . Puehed a little . . . . and was awfully disappointed when my hat didn6t go up . H7YS01 0311015 -5- JACK : Gee . MARY : Then he kissed me and it did . . JACK : Well . . . . . he kissed you . . . .It serves you right going out with a strange man . ' MARY: Oh Jack, I was properly introduced to him. . .and anyway, the only reason I went out with him was because I thought he might help - me get a new DeSoto . . . . I= no such luck . 01 DON: /Say Mary . . .maybe I can help you get a car here in Detroit . MARY : Oh Don, that would be wonderful . . .do you think you can do anything? DON: Certainly . . . . . I carry quite a bit of weight in this town . M , MARY : Well Don, I'd like---wait a minute- ,' would you mind repeating that? DON: I said . . . . I carry quite a blt of weight in this town . MARY : Don, you carry so much----No, I won't say it, I won't say it . . . My landlord may be listening in and he's looking for an excuse to evict me . JACK : Mary, I want to commend you on your good taste . . . .You know, I had the same opportunity and--oh, hello Dennis . DENNIS : Hello, Mr . Benny . . . . . hello everybody . (APPLAUSE) JACK : Gee, I'm glad you made it on time, kid . . . . You know, I haven't seen you since we arrived in Detroit . RT 80 1 03 1701 6 .6- MARYs That's rlght, Dennle . . . . what have you been doing with yourself? DENNIS : Oh, I've been spending moet of my time Sn my hotel room . JACK; Have you got a nice place? !pe DENNIS : 0}Jall rlght . . . . I got a room with hot and cold running .- JACK : ...... Hot and cold running water? -?e.rm laft sy ht1wM. DENNIS : I don't know, If . IM JACK : Dennis, you mean you're staying in a .room with no water? . DENNIS : Uh huh : Wel?, what . JACKdo you do wheri you need a bath? _ DF..4NI5 : Keep axEy from people . JACK : MX. . . . .:ou take him, Don, sofaehow he seems to tire me . DON : Okay . . . . . Tell me, Dennis, are you staying at the Book Cadillac • Hotel? DENNIS: Oh no, that's too expensive for me . .- JACK : Well, where are you staying? DENNIS : At the Book Chevrolet . lee JACK : NOW CUT THAT OUT ./ Instead of all that silly talk let's have your song . DENNIS : Okay . Ri'YS 0 1 0311 0 1 7 .7_ JACK : Now go ahead and-- (gOUNDt KNOCK ON DOOR SEVERAL TIMKg) u JACK : /Nold it, DennSe . . . . CONg IN . (SOUND: DOOR LONG LONO PAUSE) Oh darnOPENS) JACK= (AFTER St, we were supposed to have an Snterruptlon here but we left the aotor Sn Hollywood . . . . Sing Dennis . b ehwL (APPLAUSE) (DENNIS'S SONG -- "MAMA NACOSNLA") (APPLAUSS) - 191,80 1 0311018 B_ (SECOND ROUTINE) ~ . Dr{a pp elaalaaAta letee! 1n VleW ainrAl .a . JACKS That wae/"MamhMecdeh3a"/~ and"very good Dennie . . .By the way, kid, I meant to ask .you . .how'd you like the train trip from Hollywood to Detroit? DENNIS : Not so good, I shared a compartment with Phil Harrie and I - couldn't sleep a wink . JACKt You mean Phil kept you awake? DENNISS Oh no . . . . I had the upper berth and St wae awfully uncomfortable . . . . Ioould hardly move in it . . .I didn't get any sleep at all, and I . tried everything . . . . . I even went to bed early . - i elst Siw, a ' - JACKS /What time did you have the porter put your berth down? DENNISt ...... ONNNHN ...... DOWN : :! JACKS ...... OH . . . . NUTS . . . . MARYS You muet have been pretty tired on the train, Dennis . DENNISI I was . . .I-d wake up in the morning and myeyee would be juet as red ae Phil's and I didn - t have half the 11m . I bp. 7014 1 aep . . JACKi Well, kid, I hopelyou're getting enough sleep now that you're here in Detroit . DENNISs No, I'm in a pretty terrible hotel . . . .I'd like to get roome at a decent place, but they're a11 booked up . . . . Could you help me get a room, Mr . Benny? . JACKt Wel1 . . . . I don-t think eo . . .I don't know many people here in Detroit Ai}f01 0311019 -9- DCN : ffo*e Mpa I can help you, Dennle . . . . I oarry quite a bit of weight in this town . - DHNNIS : Oee, that would be . . . . Would you mind eaying thatagaln4 a DON : I eaid .,l .I oarry quite a bit of weight in this town . DHNNISf You oerry so much . . . . No, I_ won't say St, I_ won't day St . . . . I have another show in Hollywood, and I watitit to be there when I get ~ baok . JACK: That's the first sensible thing you've eaid .today, k1d . . .You know if you'4-- eoaid J.et - (SOUNDI iwodK ON DOOR) JACKt COMg IN . , (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) ARTIE : Hello, Mr . Benny ; b.7_ JACK : Well, Sf it Ssn't Mr . Kitzell . (APPLAUSE) JACK : Mr . Kitzel, what are you doing here in Detroit? ARTIH, w~ came here to ehow something to the automobile manufaaturere . I have the most wonderful ~86:~~1./=!Rt rune on the ground . . . St runs under the water . . . . it fliee through the a1r . . .it even vp olimbs/t reee . VA1 ~JACK : Oee, that's wonderful ./When did you get an automobile like that? Rrx 01 0 3 11020 .10- ARTIRt I always had it, but I° it .would do all these things till my wife drove it . JACKS Oh . . .oh . . .I eee . . .Ie it a brand new oar, Mr : . KStLelt R ARTIEt No no, St'sAh olVdei"'. .it's a Ro11e-kinardley . . JACKt ~hAolle-kinerdley4 ¢ . ARTIES Yes, it rolls down one hlll and klnardley get up the next . JACK : (LAUGHINO) Oh now, Mr . . Kitzel . s ARTIBt (LAUORINO) ~ a SOe Ieheara on the r8d1o ., . .on the O8a1e and Horowitz program . . , JACK: Ozzie and . . . . Pat'B HarPiet Well, Mr . Kitael, ares you leaving town right away? ARTIE : Ro°; 44 thlnking of staying here and playing with the Detro3t Tigers . JACK: ftay itlt W 1?h e Detroit Tigere . .why7 ARTIE : Who knows, ®aybe ten men .~help . ~ W Ok has JACK : ~ Ytea °ute, Mr . RStBe1, /Iveryebaseball team Ste off daye . . .That's why they're starting to play here at nlght'rou oae ./MAd% y the way, Mr . Kitsel, before you leave town, I want you to eome over and see tqy stage ehow . . .you know we're playing here at the Fox theater this week .-Ph11 Harr3e, Roeheeter, the Sportsman Quartet, and Marilyn Maxwell . RiH01 0311021 -11- 30A ARTIES cnow . I saw St the first day I got into topn . . .and that tM aapTeeqoa Marilyn Maxwa11~1W,Ae"M JACK: She certainly is beautiful, isn't she? ARTIE: Yes . . .and what a shape . . .Thie is the first Maxwell I ever saw with a body by Fisher . JACK : Well, she'll tppreoia ti %'fA(WH;At, .Mr .. Hitael . I'll tell her when I see her . . . .and it was nioeof you to drop Sn to eee my stage show . * AATIE : 4Ve seen it nine timee PfinoeftIarrived herein town . JACK ; Well . . . .nine timesl ARTIE : Yes, tonight I hope I/ge1t a room . . JACK : Well, meybe after the ehow I can help you, Mr . Kitael . ARTIES 'iank you/Yr . .g~ooNCbys 7 . JACK : Goodbye . _ J~p/;, .r, :at.oi - (APPLAUSE) (SCUND : DOOR CLOSES) JACK : Well, oome on, kide . .let'e finish the ehow and get baok to-- DON: (Jactv'before you go any further, I wonder if you'd mind letting the quartet do their number now . . JACK : Oh, yes yes, the Sportemen . .8ello, fellowa . ATY( 0 1 0311022 QUART : ID14II`DMP.. , ok, the quartet Se .going to Cleveland with you, aren't they? DON : Al JACH : Yee, we open atthe Palace Theater~y . DONt Well, Jack, they want to know St they oan leave right after your Cleveland engagementX /Iffefq% got to go to Philadelphia to sing at the Reyublioan Convention . . . JACK: Ohr how come they're only singing at the $eDUblioen Convention? DON: The Democrats have Margaret . JACK : Oh yes yyg. .Well Don, 1e thattOall'tlley~i~e going'~dr~~jt~°~Sng4 Fua DON : ~o ; they're going to be delegates, too . - JACK : Delegates? Well, that's intereating . .Who are they gonna vote for? DON : Say, I never thought,~¢Bk.AyRythem. .Say fellowa, who are you going to vote for? 19 THO1 0311023 (INTRO TO "THE GIRL THAT I MARRY") QUART : THE MAN THAT WE'LL VOTE FOR IS F . E, BOONE . HE SELLS CIOARETTES MORNING, NIGHT AND NOON . . ABOUT HIM WE ARE WILD . . . HE'S 80 ROUND AND SO FIRM AND SO NATURALLY MILD . . THE MAN THAT HE WORKS WITH IS SPEEDY RIOOS . FROM GOLDEN TOBACCO THEY MAEE EENNY'S WIGS '. WHILE THEY'RE PLANTIN' . THEY'LL BE CHANTIN', - ' YOU CAN HEAR THEM FROM MOBILE TO SCRANTON . OR YES YES, INDEEDY, OUR VOTE GOES TO SPEEDY AND BOONE . ONLSSSS S, LS S S SS, MFPFFFT, AND jA L t~ THE MEN WHO KNOW TOBACCO i iTut SAY THAT LUCKY STRIKE'S THE SR ME . . SO ROUND AND FIRM AND FULLY FULLY FULLY FULLY PACKED _ iLil+, lbll,r We :d YES AND QUALITY 0F PRODUCT 18 ESSENTIAL TO CONTINUE-UHINO SUCCESS . y~ - OH L S S S S S, L S S S S 8 JACN : !W~N a minute, boys . . Nof Ye13oO 'or M F F F F F T . . :Dfif7a, not!in Detroit . %o. bey~ ~ .v'~re~~oortc noa yoo AND DON'T YOU TRY TO SPELL I't BACKWARDS ZG~1rCRRPw6s~:SX)1NAY rs.. No l;ou~k fel~lo~ec ot :,eraOR YOU'RE GONNA IN A LOTTA TROUBLE BE . ptR~a ai~tte~~~'a~HURRY HURRY HURRY LIGHT A LUCKY STRIKE . Roy9 . .Ba1t a dinute . . ~1ov boye, Fu~ . iNRRY HURRY HURRY IT'S THE ONE YOU'LLLIKE . 'Wait _ minu bT.~iAY~E , 'ui0 6 eiaeto THEY'RE SUPERIAH, INTERIAH,WILL CHERRIAH . A MINCTE .MAIT A (APPLAUSE) MINUTE11111 .. RT 8 01 0311024 -14- (THIRD ROUTINE) JACK: Don . . .Don . . .Bonus Built Boy .~1.SEM can you let them do that to me4DON : Well Jack, it's your own fault . .If the Quarteb upeete you tihy did you them along on the trip? ~ . Aw JACK : Don, anytime I can get four of anything for the prioe of one, I take it . . .That'e why I hired you, too . . . .Now oome on, let'e-- NARY : Say Jaclj*q"meftVto ask you . Are you getting a straight ealary- at the Fox Theater or are you working on a pepeentage4 JACK : /~lget a percentage on every ticket that's sold\. .Why4 MARY : Well, while the boys were singing, this note Came to you from the manager of the theater . . JACK: What does it say? NARY: It says . ."DEAR JACK . . YOU WERE RIOHT . .THE TOTAL ATTENDANCE . YESTERDAY WAS TWENTY-TWO THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED AND SEVEN INSTEAD OF TWENTY-TWO THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED AND SIX, . .HOW YOU CAN COUNT WITH THAT SPOTLIGHT IN YOUR EYES, I"LL NEVER KNOW" . JACK : Of course I was right . I only made one mistake since I'vebeen here and that wasn't my fault . .There was a man sitting in heads . . .one of was ,p, the fifth row of the balcony with two /%" Ieeaie rr ritlat t•1eGe•t n.ort '. E filiw, asleep on his own ehoulder . .,t ~ou know, tkary, counting t•he~ouee w• mr was one of the first things 7/ learned beoauee-- PHIL : SO FAR FOLKS, THIS SHOW HAS S!ffiLLED . L• 1 Tera it e• BUAARRIS IS H337ERE A=400 ELLED, . . .CDID~t1ffi~ ~~~31 . Ob, tMt a to~ SA4• Setr_ett I• . AT 8 01 0 311025 -15- JACKt Ladies and gentlemen, for the benefit of the few of you who haven't been blown out of your .9e6te,thie is whispering Jack gmith . . .Hello, Phil . . * Jackson, DennisY ello Livvy ./i l;tt4a~{ufin0 SlieeeIs with PHIL: ~ 'ya 1 z those beautiful accessories . MARY : (LAUQHINO ) Hello, Phil . . .i know it'e silly to ask .you but have you been enjoying youreelf .here7 . PHIL : e a great toMn . . .And- jnetthink . ., . . this big city . . . . . all these millions of people . . . . all these big factories . . .theee thousands of workere . . . . none of them wouldd be here today if Marconi hadn't invented the automobile . , JACK : Phil . . .for your information . . . . Marconi didn't invent the auto . . ' .e he invented radio y aa tsa' e r :S:• PHIL: Oh yeah . . .~magine me ma~cing a mistake like that when I know ao much about inventors . . JACK : Oh fine . . PHIL : Well, if you don't belive me . .go ahead . . . .ask me any question you want about them inventors . . JACK : Okay . . .who invented the eleetrio light? PHILS Edison . ,r .tV ioad JACK : Hmmm . . .,L1W= , who invented the telegraph? . PHIL, Morse . RTYS01 031 1 026 -16- JAORt %That'e right . . Who invented the ootton gin4 . . PHILt Gordon S1~.. ,JACHt I knew it, I knew it ./.It oouldn't last . -04ej PHILt Well, listen Jackson, if you think eo Ded . . . . you dfould hear what Remley did . . .He's been waiting for years to oome here and get a car so it would be F . 0 . B . Detroit . JACKi What's wrong with that? PNIL: He thinks F .O. B. means Pull-0'Bourbon . HA HA HA HA . . . - OH HARRIS, Y00'RH JUST LIKE THE NEW OLDSMOBILE, BEAUTIFUL BOT SHIFTLESS . Phil - JACKt Look Phil/. .you can save those jokes for our stage show . If the peo# le don't like 'em ther~e,/they can walk out . . .here we got them trapped . . ..it a etaat., wit a tleata eo "li PHIL : Hey / that reminds me,/Jaokson . . .I gotta squawk about my bil3ing/ that leek at S7P Theater . JACKt Why, what's the matter, Phil? PLrb. I a the rtter e PHIL: /Plent ,/ . . .I took g picture of the marQuee . . .and my name ain't re even on it ./ .Here, look . JACK: Let's eee ...... FOX THEATRE . . . . NOW SHOWING, JACK BBNNY, AND-= . . Oh, for heaven's sake, Phi1 . . . . . 1ook . . . . here it is . . .right on the eecond line . . .(SPHLLS) P , H , I,L ...... N,A,R,R,I,B . . . . PhS1 Harrie . 1I T 8 01 0311027 .17• PHILt Oh, Is that what that spells Yee . . .and while we're talking? JACKi about-- DRNNISt Say Mr . Benny, you wante see something funny9 JACK : Huh4 DENNISt Put your finger on my nose and push . JACKt What? - DRNNIgt Put your finger on my nose and push . . .there . . JACKt Okay (SOUNDS LOUD CLASSY AUTO HORN ) JACK : Dennis, what happened ? DENNIS: Yesterday I was going through one of the automobile factorie s and my head got caught in the assembly line . JACK : Oh, go sit down . DENNIS : Okay . JACKt And stop pulling your ear . DENNISe I'm turning my lights off : Oh, be Qu1et . . .Now Phil, . JACKgetting baok to our vaudeville ehow . . I've got a couple of oomplainte to make too . PHILt Such as what? RTYl 0 1 0311 0 2 8 JACK, 8uoh as when you do that love soene'vith Narilyn Maxrsll . .vhen you kiss her, why do you have to kiss to so long? - . PHM Listen Jaokeon, you ain't payin' the girl nothin', let her have some fun . . ~ JACKr. Oh for heaven's sake . .you think kissing you is funj yyl PHIL, Certainly, you don't think I hung onto Alloe with Just my lousey mueic . 4, YOU:3 . . . tieq, H. aw . . . . .let's not disouse . JACKs ~, Phi1your love Sife . . .I'm talkin6• about our vaudeville shox . . .Another thing . .I donJtlike the xsy you deliver some of your jokes . You're pressing too hard . PHILt Okay, I'll xatah it, Jackson . You know more about .that than I do . JACK: And don't make such a slow exit after your number . Cet oft the stage fast . It'll help your appiaueet yn ,, - PHIL, Okay, I will . You know more about those thinge than I do . JACK, And another thing . .I think your tempo is much too fast nhen you sing, "That's What I Like About The 8outh ." PHILC NOW HOLD IT, DAD, HOLD IT . JACKt Huh? PHIL, I don't mind you telling me how to deliver jokes . JACK : Look, Phil-- , prxo1 0311 0 29 PHILt And I don't mind you telling me how to make an eKit . JACKn Phil, I-- PHILt But telling me how to eing "Tha t 'e .What I Like About The South"is like Henry Aldrich telling Dr. Kinsey about the birds and bees . 111111 I eth"t mro JACKt ./Phi, I didn't mean/to offend you . . .I dontt think your band soundegoods. MARYt Anyway, Jaok's right, Phi1it Mot it daot !6v PHILt /I~lmow . .,[.but/!ffilWQR my fault,f . .that theatre has an awful . aLt piano . . .we'd sound/better if we had a good one . JACK : . Well, I'm sorry Phi1 . . .I oan't help you there . PHIL: Well, maybe Don can help me . . .Key, Donay, oatt you help me4 You carry quite a bit of weight in this town . . DON : Yea, I -- Hey wait a minute, Phil, would you mind repeating that4 PHILt I said, "You carry quite a bit of weight in this town ." DON: I sure do, Phil, especially around .my euburbe . . .HA HA HA HA . . OH WILSON. .YOU MAY TAKg UP HALB THK STAdK,BUT YOU'RE WORTH IT . diaa' t ye - JACK: Well Don, you finally got your little fat j oke in /. .Are you happy now? (SOUND: PHONE RINOS) dly tam0 s W Phse ~ . .' JACKt /I'il get it . (SOUNDt RECEIVER UP) A TX 0 1 0311030 AO• JACKS Hello . ROCHs HELLO, MR . HBNNY . .THIB 18 ROCHB.STER . (APPLAUSE) . ~ JACKS Hello, Roohester . .what~jW you oall for? ROCHS WELL, I'VE 00T SOME BAD NEWS FOR YOU . JACK= Ylhatt 1e it . . .. . ROCH : I'M AT THE ROPEL AND ONE OF YOUR TRUNKS IS NI88INO . :THAt6 ARE ONLY TWO HERE . JACK : ROCHo I-law mo ,y W JACK : ' 4Nhloh one of the trunks was loet4 The one .wlth theebtep around St or the one with the rope? ROCH : THE ONE WITH THE SCOTCH TAPE . JACK : Well, what have you done about it? ROCH : WELL, I CALLED YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY AND THB ADJUBTER IS HERE NOW . .I'M OIVINO HIM A LIST OF THE THINOB THAT WERE LoBT . . .FIRST, YOUR BLONDE TOUPAY WITH THE COWLICK : ~~v~~e~got two Sike that . Which one do. JACK you mean? RTM 0 1 0311031 ROCH : THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN AGING VAN JOHNSON . 01 JACKi /Dee, that was my Saturday night one . ROCH : I KNOW, BOSS, AND 'N CHAROIN6 TfD41,THIRTY DOLLARS NOR IT . JACK : Wait a minute, Rochester, that toupay only oost me three dollars . ROCHs THAT'S WAAT THE BAIT COST, BUT ~ THE TI116 YOU SPENT . TRAPPINO IT? JACKS Well, I eonaider that a sport . .Now xhat else was lost, Rochester? ROCH: 0>d ELECTRIC IRON, SOAP, STARCH, BLUINd, AND LAUNDRY TICK$TS . JACK : Gee, that's too bad . ROCH: WELL BOSS, I'M KINDA GLAD WE LOST ALL THA7yS'fUFF . ESPECIALLY NOW THAT WE'RE TRAVELING AND HAVE NO WASHING MACHINE . JACKS Why? ROCH : I OET AWFUL TIRED SITTING IN A BATHTUB FULL OF CLOTHES AND KICKING MY REET . ie11o JACK : / That'e good exerciee, Roaheeter . . . . Wait a minute . .I hope we didn't lose the trunk that had my violin in it . ROCH : THAT WAS IT, BOSS . .AND THE MAN IS ALLOWING YOU TMELVE DOLLARS FOR THAT . . JACK : Twelve dollars? Rochester, the violin bow alone Se worth five tarlva ~ dollars . The horse hair in it oame Prom Whirlaway . RT 80 1 0311032 , 6oaHt I told lftt Saat. , . BaIRt 14.t dia b tpT a4~aNN 4 l~, e34 be 't.Q{.~.~s~t tst.tkrbArrd~~r.xeR.Qt?#1~RR.m • ROCH : 8I ~ 71t•~'7s~ . 4400" 11ea6 bliaLntift rtltim 7Altt TL~h1,1~. .tAa* il!d.Meiee!.ai.1e1.Mct 4 vlello . lam JAK : OWa11~11 te7ce that~xith the insurance aC j ueter .myeelf. I'll see you later . . .0oodbye . . . and ROCH: 000DBYE . . .OH SAY, BOSS . JACKI Now Sfiat? ' ROCH: WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I TOOK THE NIGHT OFA. I'M KINDA ' ANXIOUS TO 00 OVER TO CANADA . . JACKs Well, I guess it'll be all right, Roohester . It is a pleasant . drive across the Ambassador bridge . ROCH : OINM NOT O6INO ACROSS THE HiIDOR, I'M GOING THROUGH THE TUNNEL . JACK : Tunnel? Is there a tunnel under the Detroit River? ROCH: YEAH, DURING PROHIBITION PHIL HARRIS DUG IT WITH HIS BARE HANDS . I r...a6qt M bit ~.g7 t{ueagi .tL. S~~fw~,}Qi .__ JACKS Oh yes .f"- . t;eedoy .. toti.atar : 000DBYE . . ROCH . (SND : RECEIVER DOWN) (APPLAUSE) JACK : I never saw anybody like Rooheeter . Every time I leave town, he loees something . . (APPLAUSE AND PLAYOFF) Fi 80 1 0311033 JACKs Ladies and dentlemen, The Amerloan ROd Croee Se appealing ou for help in aiding the thoueandsof persons been affe~t by the great .fl0ode in t west . . The need Se great, that is we cing you to give - whatever you oan afford to us ocal Re ss ohapter . RgLBIffiIDi, that what amount you give will aid eome ns pereon . Thank You . (APPLAUSE) DON : Jack will be Deck in Just a minute, but firet ...... RT64 0 1 0311 0 34 (CLOSINO COMM6RCIAL) . . BONNR s (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMEBICAN) RUYBDAEL i LUCKY STRIKEI FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO N.HN. ' . MUSICt THBME . . RUYSDAHLtFIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN THEME . MUSICe LAING : More independent tbbacao experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading .brands oombinedl Yes, more than the . next two leading brands oombinedt LUCKYSTRIKEs , MUSICt THEME RUYSDABid . FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN . MUSICt THEMR RUYSDAHL I That's what a recent, impartial survey shows . Now listen to what Mr . Ray 91w NOW Oglesby, 17 years a tobaooo auotioneer, recently said . . . . VOICSi At thousands of auctions, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine, ripe tobauoo . . .the kind ot tobacco you can't beat tor smoking en j oyment . I've smoked Luokies 17 yearel Ri 80 1 0311 0 35 -s- LAINOi So light up a Luoky . Puff by puff, you'71 seet RIIYSDAELi LS - NFT LS - NFT LAINO s Lucky Strike meanefine tobaooo .So round, so firsi, so fully packed, so tree and easy on the drew . 80 Lucky Strike . smoke the amoke tobaooo experts smcke -- . NUSICt THEME RUYSDAELs PIRST AOAIN WITH TOBACCO MSN : LQCNY STR= I 191" X01 0311036 (TAO) JACK : Ladies and gentlemen, I waht to thank everybody for being so nice , to us here in Detroit, and we'11 be at the Fox Theatre till ' Wednesday . . so NARY t /Come in and let Jack count you . , . . JACK % Yes . .and we hope to see all our friends in Cleveland when we ., open at the Palace theatre Friday . :and next Sunday wC'71 be broadcasting from the Carter Hotel in Olevelend, 0h1o . .Now, let's eee . .what else? 7W randm* MARY $ Oh Jaok, a note just came f 9N* i froqfaUX32XXrjXW* at the hotel where you're staying . JACKf The room olerk4 What does it sayt . . MARYi It says, "DEAR MR . BENNY . .I TOOK THEMATTER UP WITH THE NANAOER AND HE SAYS THE PRICE OF YOUR ROOM CANNOT BE REDUCED AS NO ONE ASKED YOU TO LAUNDER THE BED LINEN YOURSELF . JACKt Nmm . NARY i "NOYIEVF3i, WE'RE CURIOUS TO .FIND OUT WHY EVERY PIECE OP YOUR . LINEN HAS ROCHESTER'S FOOTPRINTS ON IT . ON JACKs $M I bld Rooheeter he was kicking too hard . .In Cleveland I'll make him wear sox . . . . 0oodnight, folks . (APPLAUSE AND MUSIC) AT 8 010311037 PROORAM,N38 REVIBED BCRIPT AMERICAN TOBACCO COya B +•O " "- C AkST LUCKY BTRIBE . . THE JACK BFNNY PROGRAM SUNDAY, JUNE 20 1948 NBC 7 :00 - 7 :40 PM - EDT . CLEVELAND, OHIO 1 RT 8 01 0311038 THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY THE JACK DENNY PROGRA M JUNE 20th, 19 48 OPENING CO.KMERCIA : THE JACK BENNYL LAING PROGRAM -- proeontod by LUCKY STRIKE ! BOONE: (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN ; LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST AGAIN WITH ) RUYSDAELTOBACCO MEN ! 'rLSIC : THEM E RUYSDAFT. : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN . MUSIC : THEM o : MoreE LAING independent tobaooo oxporte emokoLucky Strlk regularly than the next two leading brands oombinod .4EL: There you have the findings of a rocont impartlal !RUYSD survey which reveals the personal ar.moking proforonoo of tobacco mon -- auctionocrs ; buyord nnd ernrohousemen :1! :]G : Ycs, the su^voy. L shows : Lucky Strike : bUSIC : Tf :FeS E AUYSD.\7. : FIRST AG1IN t!ITF. TOSdCCO MEN ! ::USSC : T'r.EM E L.4IhG: First ngnin a:1'.n tobaoco nen! First again with th e r.en nh:o onn sce the makorc of Lucky Strik e conslstently ecloot ahdbuy that fine, that llght , that naturmlly edld tobnoco . So light up a Lucky . Puff by puff, you'll 6oo : 3UYSDAx'L : LS - AFT LS - MFT (MORE ) RTX01 0 311039 THE JnCK BENNY PROGRnM . ., JUNE 20th, 1946 . . OPENING COMMERCIAL (Cont1fl) - ' bF.ING : Lucky Strike meane fine tobaoool,+lnd in a olgarette it ' s the tobacoo that oounte -- so for your own real , ' deep-down smokSng 6n,ioyment , smoke the smoke tobacco experte smoke -- Luoky Strikel - MUSIC : THEME RCR6DAEL : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MENI LUCKY STRIKE] fi 1' HO 1 03 1 1040 (AFTER COMMERCInL, MUSIC UP AND DOWN) . . DON : THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENNY . . WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIB~ ROCHESTER, DENNIS DAY, AND^YOUR6 TRULY" DON .WILSON .MUSIC UP AND DOWN) .-(APPLnUeE1 DON : LdDIES AND GENTLEbffiN . ., JACK 13ENNY AaD HIS GANGARE ' .iPPEARING THIS WEEK AT THE PAL,ICE THEATRE HERE IN -' CLEVELAND. . RIGHT NOW JACK IS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM AND ROCHESTER 18 HELPING .HIM MA KE UP FOR THE NEXT STAGE BHOW . . :LET'8 LOOK .IN ON THEM ..NBITION MUSIC) Od .(TR : hov loog JnCK : / Rochester, how long do you--OUQH-{do you think It w111--OUCH--be before--OUCH OUCH . - . R`vCH ;------BOSS, - HOLD S'TILL OR YOU'LL KNOCK THE TWEEZERS OUT OF MY HAND . Ouob JnCK : All rlght, but try to go/mD36*bbe--OUCH : ROCH : IT'S YOUR OWN FA'iLT, BOSS ; IF YOL"D BUY A RAZOR BL .WE I WOULDN'T HAVE TO PLUCK OUT YOUR WHISKERS . JACK : I can't get this close a shave with a razor . ROCH : OKAY . .I'M ^FRO'JGH NOW . JACK : Good, I have to po on stage again in a half Y .our~ . . Gee A I'm gled business is so good . .It was swell in Detroit, too, What was the total reoeipta at the box offioe in Detroit? Rocheeter . ROCHI WE TOOK IN NINETY-THREE THOUSAND, TWO HUND .RED AND SIXTY-SEVEN DOLLARS, FORTY-THREE CENTSAND A HOOVER BUTTON . JACK : A Hoover button? Who put that 1n4 flT3{ 0 1 0311041 ROCHI HooVEA . ~ JACK : Hoover? !. ROCH : YES, AIN t T WORKED IN SIXTEEN YEARS JACK : . . .Now Rooheeter,I 1 d like to-- . Oh ROCH : OH SAY BOSS . .YOU BETTER GIVE D E A LIT}LEMORE PETTY ,aP~-II s -~ n : . . C.LSH . . .I HAD TO PAY THE CLEANERS ~ JnCKp OhAl didn't even know my atuff oame back from the oleanere . . .Where ie it? ROCH : WELL. . .I FOLDED XOUR BLACKS AND PUT VIN THE . TRUNK . .I BRUSHED Mf YOUR COAT AND PUT IT IN THE CLOSET . .AND I PARTED YOUR HAIR :.ND PUT IT IN THE DR4WER . JACK : Ch, was that my hair? .I've been throwing it bread crumbs all morning ; N0= HOLD STILL, EOSS,. ROCH WHILE I FINISHLid7QNG YOU UP . . . GOTTA PUT .: LITTLE MORE ?:iSCARA UNDER YOUR EYES ~ TvERE. JnCK ; Thank you, Rocheater . .You know, during our last show yesterday, s, hen the spotlight vaa shining on me, I heard a+ :oman in the second row turn to her friend and ea,v . .°Oh Mildred, don ' t his eyes look like twilight on the blue waters of Lake Erie ." ROCH : WELL, I DONI" PL .:ME HER, BOSS . . .YOUR EYE^ALLY :N oEAUTIFJL . J..CK : I know . ROCH : IT'S A SP.eME YOU HAVE TO BLINK AND CLOSE TYEM EVERY ONCE IN :.WHILE . . AT6101 0311042 _j- JdCK : Yeah, . .espeeially here in Cleveland . .There'reeomnny' people who paid to see tjM .~. .,nyway, you better flnleh-- , (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) J,.CK : COME IN . (SOUND:DCOR OPENS) JnCK : Ch, he11o, .Mary . ~ (APPLAUSE) b43iY : . Hwllo, Roohester . . HOCHi HELLO,•MIS6 LIVINGSTONE . . M,.RY : (4;UGHING) Jaok,'I brought you some coffee and eandwSchee, ::CK : Thanks, Mary„ what are you laughing at4 MnRY . J ; Well, you'll find 3U out .soon enough, so I may as well tell you . . .(LAL'GHING) You know that big life- sized picture of you out Sn front of the theatre? JdCK : Yes . • E6d4Y : (LhUGHING) Well, some kld wi th a crayon drew a mocatache, wF.iskers, and long curls on St . J,u.K : No : M.,RY : Yes ; (L•,CIHING) You look like a .ocker spaniel wlth padded shoulders . J•,CI' ; Oh, that's terrlble,•a thing like that can hurt bue111eea : yw Jmp 4 Typayy pp ~ ~~ ~ . M.,dY : Ch, calm down, Jack . .you weren't .mad in Detroit when someone touched up your picture 1n front of the Fox Theatre . ' JwCK : Fiell, that wae different . HT 8 01 031 1043 . _4_ 1 bL,RY : . i'11 say it was . . .they painted a fan in eaoh hand and you broke the box office record, JACK : Yeah, that pioture .even fooledme .Tw1ce I bought . tickets myeelf, ' ' AOCH : BY THE WLY, HOSS, . .I BEEN MEANIN6-TOnSK YOU . .DO•YOU ' WaNT ME TO GO OUT nND EUY YOU n/PnIROF THpSE' . ELEV:iTOR SHOES? _ . JnCK : . What for? ROCH : WELL, WHEN YOU DO YOUR LOVE SCENE'ONTHE STAGE WITH ( . MISS MARILYN bLAXNELL, . SHE'S T.,LLER. THAN YOU,,~y~ •~51, ' . . . . JACK : Oh, / that doesn't bother me . . 1A110 .LadA - - M .HY : /*XXXo?, .,I caught the ehow from out front and you aQyyay could improve that love soene you do with Narl3yn . JnCK ; What do you mean? - . 16 .RY : Well . .when you klse her, you're eupnoeed to put yourr arms around her and tenderly dr9w her up clooe to you . JACK : Huh? ti .,AY : You're not supposed to grab her by the earlobes and pull yourself up . JACK : Earlobes, earlobee . .why don't you stop making .things ip . ROCH ; I'hi FINISHED WITH YOUR FACE, SOSS . .YERE I S l. MIRROR SO YOU C A N SEE HOW YOU LOOK . J.,CK : Hmrcm,,,l What did you une, a new wrlnkle oream? ROCH ; NO . . .PUT_T_Y. ..CK : ,,,,Putty?. J - !4 T Y101 031 1 044 M..RY : (L,UGHa) J.,CK : Mary, what's so funny? FL ,RY : Before a man can make up your faoe , he has to Join the Plasterer's Union . J.\CK : Look Mary, I'm nervous enough as St 1e without you . ooming In here and--- - (SOUND :KNOCK ON DOOR . .PHONE RSNGS (OFF) J..CK: Oh my goodness, everything happens at onoe . There's the door and there'e the phone in the other room, MuRY : I'11 get the phone . ROCH : I'LL iWSWER THE DOOR . • (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) GEORGE : How do you do . .My name ie MSnk . .IPm the manager of this theatre . .,CK : Oh.,oh . .won't you. J come Sn, Mr, Mink? GEOn3E : Thank you .,CK : You know, you. J look very fam111ar . .1t seems that I know you . 7, GEOR E : Well, you ehould . I used to be in vaudeville, too . You e.nd I were on the ca.me bill together in Sandusky, ' J..Ci: : Say, that's right . .in Nlneteon----Nlneteen--- GEOAGE : Nineteen twcnty-elght .,I'11 never forgot it . You were celebrating your thirty_ninth birthday . Oh n eee I d.,CiC : NC no, I wasn't thirty-nine years old/,1" throw that party to celebrate what a sensation Iwae that weok„ We took Sn thirty-nIne do r . GEORGE : THIRTY-NINE DOLL.ASI_ RT 8 01 0311045 -6- JnOK : Yes . .ObfkAN.a7.1lU1d. . . . . ROCHt .1FAR~~TY. jfERE . '. 9M7TH GOOD LUCK WE FLIY HAVE J.,CK : you 9D a vaudeville actor . How bomo ~AI1~1[Ia it up? GEORGE : Well, I,1uat played 1t emart .~ I eaw my act was falling apart, Iwae getting old, .'I was washed up. . . - - eo I quit and became a theatre manager . J..CK : Geo . . . .I wonder if . . . . . No ...... _ . _.- to . _ . . GEORGE : What is it, Mr . Benny? . JnCK : We11 . .I thought maybe if .you apoke to eoma/"the theatre owners, you could . .,No, why should I do anything for Fred nllen? ./,A"ay, thanks for dropping in, Mr . Mink . . . GEORGE : You ' re quite welcome, I"--EgnnxA .lt was nice seeing you again . . . JnCK : Oh, by the way, when I ' m working on stage, I wish you'd turn the microphone up a little higher . .People can ' t hear me beyond the third row . GEORGE : Oh . .mell, as soon as we get people beyond the third row, I !aill, J .,CK : Thank you . - (SOOND : DOOR CLOSES) . t4.RY : (FnDING IN) Oh Jack, I'm glad I_ answered the phone . It was my sister Babe calling from Plainfiold . J..CK : yQ r sister Babe? k hi..RY: ~Yee, and she hae wonderful news . She thinks ehe t s engaged . - =1 J ..CK : Babe thinks ehe ' o engaged po " t she know? FlT 8 01 0311046 MaRY : 0e11, eho'e not euro, .+.Nerboyfriend got down on one knee, but Juet ae he started,to speak, the batterySn her hearing aid went d§nd, ' J .,CK ;Oh„' a shame,,,ahy .other newe from home'+ ; ; .eabe told me that-- . . M„RYr Yes .JOOR) , JnCK . (BOUNDi KNOCK 06 : ' Bec who'e at the door, Rocheeter : YES SIR . . . ROCH - (BOUND : TWO FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS) .Pi:XWELL : Is Mr . Penny Sn,. RocheeterY ., . , ROCH : YEeH.,COH.E RIOHT IN . . . .OH80SS, IT'S MIBS MAXWELL . ( .,PPL. .USE) J .,CKi Hello, Marllyn, come on Sn .s1t down . i+wXWELL : /T ha~iilc you . .Hello, Mary . : Hsllo, Marllyn, . PinRY . iMKW'ELL : Look, Jack, I don't likedisturbins you Sn your dressine_ room, but I had something I wanted to talk to you about . . J..CK that's quite : Oh, all rlght . .S.hat Aw - Yb , RY : Say karllyn. .how come you ' re wearing your hair down like that? eeanuee of ]^:nXWELL : /1'*,aav* g my earlobes, they're six inches long now . J.,CK : H n :. . .H'ell, they were oertainly pretty when we otarted . . .But Ynrilyn, I do want to thank you for your cooperation during this tour . . .You'ro really lending a touch oP beauty to our vaudeville engagemante . R41 hi,KWELL ; /Thank you, Jacl•. . Rrrt 01 0 311 047 ~ tMRY : Jaokte right, Marilyn :,I caught the first show gt the Palace and you oertainly looked beautiful in that black gown . LU.RPlELLi Oh, you mean that straplese one! ' . 1&tRY : Yes, it's reallygorgeous : - , J ..CK : That's right, Marilyn„ and all week long, I've been meaning to ask you something about that strapless •hat gowrl :, .whaVke oDe it ug7 F A XWELLi The Cleveland Censor . Oh. Oh, that's pretty good ' you must've brought your own writer with you .,Now Marllyn, .what number are you going to sing in the next ohow4M .J(kELL : "Hooray For Lovo," .,RY : Oh ; that's a new ono . . . M Yee Lu,KhELLI Ycs,/Mary, vould ycu like to hear it? . LL,RY : I surc would . Well 1:,aN;ELL : /, .11 ric: t-, :hera goes . (SOUNDa KNOCK ON DOOR) J .,CK : Just a minute, Marilyn . . COME r_N : (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) 3.CKC Mr . ncnry7 J .,CK : Yoe, who are youl , . TACK : I'm a hod carrier, I brought you some more makc_up, daop J,iCKi Oh good, sao[i, .3uet/IISOp St in tho cornor . ., .Go ahoad, Marllyn, m6 let's have your c.anZ now, . ( ..PPL .USE) (MARILYN'S SONG :,^HOOR..Y FOR LOVEe) (nPPLnUSE) RTYl01 03 1 1 048 (SECOND ROUTINE) "U ~~~ JACK : a'rronderful song , -,Narllyn . Pm eure the i nudienoe will like it, 16ARLLYN : Thanks, Jaok . .By the rray,~I~haven'tseen-'Dennls : -- around all meek . Where Se .he4 ' JACK : t{ell, Denni Sen't here . You see ' .he.rhen we'went to the Aailroad station in Detrclt, got mixed up and took the tmonU traSA. . ' . - . MARY : Where is he nov4 - - JACK : Well, if theRepublicane oan't dooide ow~~nan,yboQy, he may be our next preeident, Anyqrayf~rYiy probably-- : DOOR OPENS). (SOUND JACK : 0h', hello, Phil . .. PHILi H'ya, Jackoon - ( .4^PLAUSE) PF.IL: :ello, girla : Hello, Phil . 1IAAY :AAILYAL .'.e11o, Phil ;. f P&IL' : N,e 1„tsro new looks with one old Schnook : JACK : /Phil, don't be so smart . PHIL : 3ey Jackoon, thls dressing room you've got ie vonderful . .Mine ain't got nothing in St' :.CK : 1ie11 Phil, lf there's anything you need, .J just take it out of hero, PHIL : Otcpv, I'11 take this . . NTYf01 0311049 -10- JACK : Put that dorn, thst's ru.bbing h 1 ...... Lna~ tthe4 ere'a no telling v17at thatwill do to your stomvalt . PHIL : *.tel L let' e find out? . - JACK : Phil . . . MARY : It's too late, the .bottle'e'empty. • JACK : l•lell .,to each hie orm ., .Imaglne anybody-- . . . PHIL : Now look, Jaokeon-- JACK : Ph11, turn-around, your breath is scorching my sult . MAAYS You know, Jaok, .I think Phll ought to watch himself a little bit . .eapecially here in,0leveland . .After :11, Cleveland Se Bob Hone'e home town, JACK : : :ary'a right, Phil . You know, the .peoole in Cleveland think so muchof8ob Hope that I'm surorised we even got in here : No kidding, Jackson . .do they really. PHIL think that muoh of P.o•>9[ han . JACK : Do they ? You know th.ose vfnlte lines that run down the alddle of the street? PHIL : Yaah . JACK : Fepsodent, . .They put it on with a toothbrush yet, elyht' PHIL : Leok, Jackson, thle s~ be Bob Hope's home to wn „ but I heard you played here long before Hope evon thought of being a oomedian, iiAAY : I didn't know that, Jaok . When did you .play here before7 JACK : Oh, I don't remecmer, .lt was a long time ago . M,:HY : Phil, how long ago wae St4 ATH01 0311050 _II_ P9IL : I don't knom, but when Jaok vrae her^, tho Cleveland Indiana i rere scalping people ahd the Carter Hotel was a wigsam . 0 JACK : Okay, Wonga, yIAW . .,Gee look what time St Se . . ' Marilyn, you better go get ready for the next show . -'r.AFiILYN :~ All right, Jack . ~ . . h"_4RY : Sey Marilyn, I notloed during the flrst ehotr you wore thoee lovely long falee eyelashes, but during the second show you dldn't have themon ., MARILYN : . Well, Jack told W hg was the etar and made me give ' em to Iim . . ' mtl o IdARY: Oh for heaven's eaYe .,Jaok, w pq3 here a minute . JACK : Okay . - . }'.r.RYS Bend your head dolm . : Like thie4 , . JACK - MARY : Yes . (SCUPD: TtlO RIPS OF WIND017 SHADE) -'AAY : Here, V arllyn . i:pX14ELL ; Thanks . . .':A+'~2Y : Gome on, let'6 ge to .your dreeeing room . (BOUND : DOOR OPENS AND CLOSSS) . JACK : Oh vell, I didn ' t look good Sn then anyway . . . Say Rochester, ho w 's the house out there for the next show? Is it racked? ROCH : YEAH . .VERY GOOD, BOSS, VERY GOOD, fir3t 0 7 03 11 0 59 -12- JACK : That's f1ne . .You know, Roohester, Ilm doing everything to try and set a new box offlce reoord, , aOCF.: I KNOW, BOSS, BUT DIDN'T YOU 00 A LITTLE TOO FAR WHEN YOU MADE THE USHFtS BUY CTI KETS7 JACK : Well, if the oroheetra boys aren't oomn1a1n1ng, . vhy ehould they4 . .And by the way, horr are we doing on the on thefpopcorn4 , ROCH : NOT SO GOOD SINCE YOU SUBSTITUTED CHICKEN FAT FOR BUTTER . JACK : 6ee, .I never thought they'd notice .lt, . :ell, Rocheeter, I'm kinde hungry . Open. ' those • sandwiches and will you please get me a glass of milk? ROCH : YSS SIR . JACK : Phll., what'll you have? ?"f.IL : Bidarbinate of soda . : Blcarbino-te of soda? . JACK PiiI :. : Yeeh, sometL:in- he..eened to cy stomach when you mentioned nilL . JACK : Oh yce, I'n sorry, PhSl . .forgive ne . Look `.: ..,,, I'r^_ E'olnc in the other room and lie dmm for ne,h.ile ; : Okay, Phil,. S,1Ci uut teuce off your ehoee if you're going to-- (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : Nou uho con that be . .CO)'.E IN . . (SOUND : DOOR OPFNS) SE=. R: Pardon ne for dlsttmbing you, b'.r. Bonny, butmay I have your autograph? flT 8 01 0311052 -13- JACK : Certainly, oortainly . .who shgil I make it out to? FELLFAZ Bob Feller . ; BCB FELLER! . JACK (APPLAUSE) NIlllque . . JACK : /Bob, it's certainly a pleasure having you drop,ln to see me. FELLEAt Well Jack, when I saw your nu'ae in front of the theatre, I just oouldn't walk right on by like everybody else . o . , Y U JACK : Oh, you mean youJbought atioketand saw my stage show7 FELLER : I sure did Jac.rk .~.I `hought you eaw ne . When you took . 6ii . . a bov ; you/knooke d/4 IMi bag of popcorn out of my hand wlth your eyelas . . ftu JACK ; Oh, I'm sorry . .3M , lot me wlpe the chloken fat off your sleeve, . .,Wel1 Bob, you're still mlth the Clevelund Indle.af, ur9n't you? FELL~R: ~DYAes, this is ~y ~'~~isSYse eon. J~% . /1~a~6 !Wf 71~016 JACK : Md you're a pitcher,i4newv .q.ee. FE_'.LER : T}iet's tahat St says Sn my book . - 7.11s y.hr ITb 6SA+M pon JACK : lIR~, you wrote a booV. ."Hov to Become a ?Stchcr", .I read it . FELLER : You knov, .maybe I ehould . 7Wp Oe. raf &tia 1h .S pr todq'. pet afMr Yr0 pN NOq JACK ; (LAUGHS) ftp, thnt's pretty good, Tap .yq yary b*pv&" yOmv om vPl{4. tM . Pi{IL ; (FADING IN) Hey Jaokson, how do you expect nnybody to get any sleep aYound here wlth all thle-- JACK7 Oh, Phil, .come on in, .I eant you to meet Bob Fellor . . nltcher for the Cloveland Indiane, R1"H01 p311053 -14- PHIL : HS'ya Bob, . FELLER : H1'ya, Phi1 . . .Bay Phil, you're a pitcher too, . cren't you? . FHIL ; Me a pitcher? No, I'm a nus]oian, .didn't yousee m 0g_ leading thebandR FFLLgij ft that what you rrerc doing4 . : . Certalnly, . .PHIL . FELLEBI Gee, I eish I could do that . . - PHIL : Why? . . . . • 4" U* eftu I*U aft FN].LER: With a vlnd-up like that, there'd be n~#HlM~MI[ JACK: You're not kldding„ Andeay, Bob, I meant to tell you, I 11ke that niao etadium you have here in Clevelard . . Have you seen it, Phil? . PHILt Yeah, St'a avonderSul ball park, and right on .tho edge of Lake Erie„ I sav a game the other day and ., . beh wait a r:lnuto . .I just thought of something„The other day vhen you woro nloying Boston, you only had oight men . FELLER: 'o no, rra had nine . . . a PHIL : pw i counted evoryone on thee dlamond„ and there were only elrht, FELLER : Oh. .you could only soe olght . .Whon Ted W111iama ie up, iihput the Loft Fielder out in a canoe, JACKe "-k , that'll teach you to aek quoetiona . .NoWdon't-- DON ; (OFF) CH JACK, .JACK, JACK : Pif HERS, DON . (SOUNDi . DOOR OPFNS) fiiH010311054 _ls . - DON) Jack, I ' ve got the quartet ulth me and .. - . JACKp Wait a minute, Don : .Flret I want you to meet , Bob Fellor .LE[i : Hello, Don, DON ; FII : k7e11 ; I'm certainly glad to know you,,f8ob : .and 1,1m p.rtieu7 .ry glad you ' re here because the quartet Ss-going to do a numbpr dedioated to the Cleveland Indiane . JACK: Say, that ' ll be ewell, .and Don, .Hoy, walt a minuto, Don . .Why is your coat so urlnklod4 . :ae at the ball game Friday nlght, .it ralnedd. DONi Well, I v and they used my coat toeovor the lnfiold, ' JACK : Oh yeo, I read about that, .One of the ground crew got lost in your pookot, . .Well Don, rrhere's the quartet for thccommercial4 DONt In rsy other pocket . JACK : Well, bring them out, . .Oh, hollo, followe : @UARTi HMdb@dH . . JACK :- Don't mind that, Bob . .I have to pay them extra if - they tall; . . .A11 right, Sportsmen, uo haven't got much time, eo 1et's hear the number, DON : 0!::yll .HIT IT, BOYS . AT 8 01 0 311055 -16- (INTRO TO ° TAKE ilE OUT TO THE BALL GN1E°) . : TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME TAKE tG . -O11ART ; OUT WITH THE CROWD . BUY i4E A PACKAGE OF LUCKY STRIKES THAT'S THE CIGARETTE EVERYONE LIKES . , 60 LET'S PUFF PUFF PUFF ON A LUCKY JUST REMEMBER ~THE-H4ME . . . . FOR IT'S ONE, TP!0, THREE LUCKY STRIKES AT THE OLD BALL 6AHE. . ' TAKE 14E OUT TO THE BALL GAME . , TAKE ME OUT WITH THE CROYID . xoop tpYa sw41, ee ntEX/C'e7wR . 7Be[ ate sro INMR !ie m¢ IM1lYetelf cer'e SO~RUNPMM RUN RUN FOR A LUCKY . . ;:?I^,J THEY ' RE PUT OUT IT'S A S9AME FOR IT'S ONE, T170, TfiREE LUC :4Y STRIKES' AT THE OLD BALL GA'4E :A IMTO WALTZ CLOG) . (BOYS JAC:'; : BoY s 1 vat0 a r1nuNl =0 Mn~O MuNl. `MLO A -ifnrltl 14% R stwM C~11NS~ tai % i el.qM, bqs . . . 9oys . .{4¢St a mlttute,,,SVa1t a M Snuto . ., . . .,_? A I?INUTE . . . .NAIT ;_1 MINUTE! (APPLAUSE) JA3H : Don„Don, .Iln so embarrasecd In front of Bob Fcllcr . . (SOUND: DOOR OPENS) J :.CIQ Why la lt evory time we-- RTx 01 0311056 -17- MARY : Oh Jack, Marllyn and I mould like to know if-- - JACK:Oh, oome in, girls . I wantt you to .meet Bob Follor .,, Bob, I want you to moot . .,Bob . .Bob, .vMy aro youstaring at , tho girls likethat4 . - 5P3.LIIi: If I had half the curves they've got I ooulds boat Boston. . . JACKt Very good, Bob . .very good . . .Bob, thie 1e .Mary . Livingetone, and this Ss Marilyn Maxwoll, MAfCf & MAXWELL ; Bollo, Bob, . ' FE. .LFA.: Ne11o . . .5ay Mary . . : Yes, Bob . . i!ARY FELLER : I fool as though I know you because I mot your mother about tao years ago . MA~1 : My mother? Really? FELLER : Yes, she nitched against me in Plainfield, JACK : Geo, that ' s fcnny, I thought she wae in tho National Loaaao A7,v : You ' re both wrong,. ii :er arm went bad, 8ho's wrestling now . JACK: All right, zbbw*a* L . . .14011, Bob, vo'11 be going on stagc in a fem ninutos, .r h y d.on't you walt .till after the next show and we'll all go out to dlnner, FFLLLSU I'd love to, Jack, .do you mind if I call my vife4J A CK: Not at e.11 . ' FELLE t: Which reminds me, Jack . .You oughta knos-r my w1fo, . .che comes from Wnukogan ATYl01 0311057 -18- JACK : Sho doee4 I dldn1t ow y`ou narrlod a girl from 17aukegan, FELLER; Oh euro . .her name .wae Miee Winther . JAOK : Wlnther„WSnther ; , ,Oh, I not only know har., .-- . . 14~rn.lls. . . I uebd to take her ouC, . .i)Lqdmk Winthor , . . FELLER : No no, that I a her mother . . :"y wlfa I e name Se VSrglnla . JACK. Let mo eee .,hor Mothor,'.But1t oan ' t be . . . - I remember oarrying her .booke to echool.,ehe had - . long blonde curle, - r^ELLER : . lWith a 1lttle freoklo,on .thc right ohoek? . JACK : Yoe, - - Ob FELLER : /That was her father . . _ JACK : Not: out that out, . .,Say Ho,b, I ' d like to ask you . ttc. .e.. .u. fra. :.a1n_ .ua .n._1_._ ._ . .n_ .. tdLr- a quostlon . .lsnU~~yp~ :nart oimor or-tho ' Cleveland Indinns4 ' tb .r . FELLER : Yes, 7W Ss, ' - JACKI Well, I or n the 7aukogan Bloomer OSrle and--toa juet wondeslu6 . (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : COHE IN . 9e11 look .hoa. Eer.. (SOUND : DOOR OP ENS) (iT}i01 031 1058 Iw 4 7wt M,1o"-a Fpt0 l waAt . !IM /1;#,kil: tf. Laq Lm aT RMWAM1t tp vMp 1 . wI me Ya t.10 ir *'i1VM6i :yweA ". MN. 7WI1 'M 1.NU kqL S111 4, JakMi:.~~ 4i lm4b aq'.1+`iY4 DtM 23400% 'Pb4lIM• ~ . ihtl M!R I n4 t iaw pML pMF .f ow~ 'IM4N 4 Ma1. Tptt !a w i1/w W t #IIM wx x0ray WN "'FaM 'L W.f4lpN~ fei iVY tou M r• w4' M o* 1q4HM !Mo Nwo4: MM .4L a Woa~iiAf~F. . . . JA®[. ffiA h.pA4m .#Ml1a iNr ya pai. . . RSm . N kity to fM tau* *a47i . 7tut 4d14.Yv sit * fflw4ltf aaEta YSaM.i1Go:~ . . - EOPW IA. It*r pit4b ktMi tqr .'qs. pt y: aVA41Qf41: a" . a. at ibs OtrtWl ::wtaiw aoi t w. i.N* E2i81f., I ..Y I r4st2J pab a lat at edetivy 6r. L/1d4. II baw eM tnm.r 4o1rs f7M Sn nip 6Y1ia . md m1Ml• d.ybw tl.ft at OaLahs. . . Wl t Bob. %dlt Iyu wlt a amuta . RORe Plau .. dy !a ah4t, a baWa Eet.Otlwr p1rM. J!M, 6ys Jou af&t a- iw31 Qo1Nr 7vm'a sot /aEtSaB Pva SerlbOs . Ion k .ea tht . . I m DlaI t 1V1R E w flou/1" h(r UC1I 7m yu aM . 8ClC/ MHt a .S.aN. Pt6. Bat a rWii..a sqs rN ar p qaiq .ood.4 .1H a tt4 lnr baaL lLat is, I the.pt !t wa a 1y 1nN bW . SM. Da~.O oa1 t. 6. a 3K atr$t ar pl.# M 11. MpDtl.m acawM e. flTil01 031 1059 . ,,~ .._.. ~., r m .na n .o .osft .. ~.. : u,..2».. I +" .... Tku ma ffi.:." + *0„*0 + 40 +ea.,aw. .r o. "ft tb. .dqr w aewnt a.It . :n. t .r I ..wr a aS : . as u<4r ad a. .ea. k umr• w i.: if ws .mi .; .: eia taoar. 7l~. -ieM~w~Spnaas. . l9lftatenw:;MAtiE"UKy.•yMNlb# Is& ywk.OtRiL.3ql.!s Wv.a~ideeR Not L Vio . t w.t wK U.t'VdN paaMtr s~Y~A?W+Mr'Is 3W Sw8d 00 tt M rpWM,wr.aU 4 1% 'l . MlM :dA y1MNn 3416. I reN Mi4sMwe3r Iet wlly tL MiX TM'S .. . rr tlalll~f.._ -. . • Whae ai.rc2oa 18.8 Srat64 be*. . IRIU sner fso.! ..aw8 a.da .wes I aii :ql6lt p1L dlm at ahM. I vqr i~Glt. 8M I vw .m vM11 .Oe .rda * 1Lq have ayiryW. Is /qs p so6 seps doyt ti.». . . !ud taaip I 7WS baok tLere taG pv the EeaN sstla IuW ts Iiw. Bq, r4et a buA atlUE6ambooa. It wa w top0s, tLe trKgnt tea9no mal to tip toa pest• - Hat it vae vam0 .zt:a1. I l 31 nwor tereat Wa I L .[s Lar to go on the iva6. 1atL.r aNA I .wM ae a L®g wJ. Ia faot Ae a.ilad the &o9e at the Det eae . eo diQ, you hMdM. htt»r s.L] I rW1A [o a .lqng s4. ' m rie0 he s.ilM Us ®eur JLM I lanr. w MaN. Ye law tiDS J dos. &Nt TL.V . ih.ri yat aDoe]d Aavo aW is. JICU Bobr I raut to 1010110at a4a 7w dCly bars, slat tla roa dOiC( •dO1w Ma'a . . HOB, 1% [ossisf If/y . ias R'a I•w MLI Yar. fiT}(01 0311060 L40LLEU LUN1H •iaiiOL* " WL M~'~yAtiR~~ ~B 4tWo wI ~1IIw ~ry~ u! ~'F 4~'AM4K•a6 A9t tYDL v'~R :I::,~ s : . , ~ . .'~W L eRAmNt,'YI 0 I 2 t ' ~ R 44" . Im * Yt qN Tp'pQi` '/4 q amS :'M'~'+fl '" ~ -at *m ~*w ^S wr M oy/i,'[ #aft awR motr 1 -04 ` ob l and M M 040s" lk MS *i1i . . . . • OWN* W~ . -20.. (APPLAUSE) JACK : Hob . .B . rrhat aro you doing h o? HOPE : Cotting la he, rh:at'ro yo doing hero? JACK ; Trying to ., . .8 horo' ono of your boys, Bob Follor . HOPE : I know, I know. .Ho FELLEA: Hcllo, Bob . In Englanb . JACK : Two Bobs . .t rl 11 got you a na`nl'`boor ~,,J~i HOPE : Well, ]t~dldn't got you anything heso . ~~ I JACK : G Look, Rnpe, let mo aak you somothing : .What'ra you ~ doing hero In Clovoland? HOPE : I cane hero to watch out for my Sntoroete . .I found out you .roro playing hero and this 1s my hometorm . JACK : Well, what about it? ' HOPE: Hov much monoy havo you taken in at the thoatro already? : So far thirty four thousand dol]cre. JACK : 14c11, givc no half or I'll Buo you . . HOPE . JAOK : ..'nct're you tniking about . ._'n playing thle vholo c±rcult . .Last week In Dotroit I took in nlnety- thrce thousnnd, two hundred snd sixty soven dollars, and forty three cents . HOPE ; And a Hoover Button . . J:.CK : How do you know? . HOPE : I a1n't spenfling any Dowoybuttona to 0oo yau . J,{CK ; You know, you're choapur thnnFrod Allon end .ho'o almost ao ohoap as mo . . . 19 TYSOI 0311062 HDPEt go . .lnd Oroebyl e uteaper then e31 of ue . JAO%+ ' I OMnk 9ou!ve got eaMetLing tLsre . . . pT}fO1 0311063 _B- THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM JUNE 20th, 1948 CLOSING COMMERCIAL . RIGGSI (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AHERICAN) _ RUYSDAEL : LUCKY STRIKE -- FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN! 1dUSIC : THEME ' RUYSDAEL : FIRST AGAIN 17ITH TOBACCO MEN . . .:USIC : THEi4E LAING : As a recent impartial survoy rovoalet more independent tobacco exports smoke Lucky next two loading brandsStrlko regularly than the , conbinod : Aoro than the next two loading brands cormbincd! Lucky Striko : MUSIC : THDfE RUYSDAF.LC FIRST AGAIN `:'ITH TOBACCO MEN! :NSIC : THEr:E :iUYSUASLt Yes, that's what tho survoy shows . Now liston to a statcmont recently made by Mr . Jamoe Alfred t4alkor, vetora!: tobacco buyer of Durham, North Carolina . From vhat he knovs -- from rrhat k :csecs -- ].isten to mhe.t ho said : VOICE ; Season after senson, I'vo soon the mcilcors of Lucky Strike buy good, ripc tobaoco . . .tobaoco that makos a roal, fino omoko . I'vo smoked Luckice 17 yosrs : LAING : So lieht up a Lucky . Puff by puff, you'll sco ; RUYSDAEL : LS - MFT LS - MFT . RTTi07 0311064 THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM JUNE 20th, 194-8 CLOSING COMMERCIAL (Gont ' d) LIQNG : Lucky Striko mcans fino tobaooo . So round, sofirm, so fully paokod,-eo froo and oaey on tho .dra9r, So smoke the smoko tobaooo oxnorte emoko-- Luoky Strike . MUSIC7 THEME , RUYSbAEL : FIRST AGAIN YRTR TOBACCO MEN! iLNG7fY"BTRIRE.r RTYl01 0311065 PROCRAM #39 REHEARSAL SCRIPT AMERICAN TOSACCC'Cl1RPAI RROADCAST LUCKY STRIKE . TRB JACK BENNY PROGRAM SUNDAY . JUNE 27 1948 NBC 7 00 -7t40 PM - EIYP NEN YORK, N . Y . RT}S01 0311066 TFM AMERICAN o0$ACCO COMPANY "THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM" . PROGRAM #39 7•00 ,(7 :30,PM EDST JVPE 27, 1948 SUNDAY OPENING COMPSBROIAL : THE JACKDENNY: LAING PROGRAM --- preeented by LUCKY STRIKg{ : RICGS': (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMREICAN) . . RUYSDAEL : LUCKY STRIKE{ FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN1 (M_U_SIC_ :_ _ T_HEME) RUYSDAEL : FIRST AGAIN HITH TOBACCO MENI (MUSIC_:_ _ THENE) : More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky. LAING Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combinedl Yes, mora than the next two leading brands oomb n I RUYSDAEL ; There you have the findinge of a xecent impartial eurvey which reveals the personal smoking preference of the men who really know tobacco -- auctioneere, buyers and xarehousenen, IAING : So for your own real, deep-down smoking enjoyment, light up a Lucky . Light up a really fine cigarette and puff by puff, you'll see RUYSDAEL ; LS - 6U'T LS - MFT LAIING : Lucky Strike means fine tobaccol So round, eo firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw . So smoke the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Luoky Strike . (MUSIC_;_ _ T_HGPtE) RUYSDAEL : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN1 WCKY STRIKgI . RrSS 01 03110 6 7 (FIRST ROUTINE) . (AF_TER COMMERCIAL~ ;MU_SIC _UF AjlD DCWN_) DON: FROM NEW YORK CITY . .THg ITJOY.Y STRIKE PROGRAM, .STARRING JACK BENNY„WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE, PHIL HARRIS, ROCHESTER, - DENNIS DAY, AND "YOURS TRULY" DON-WIL90N . - . (A_PPLP_UREs,M_U_SIC_ UP AND DOWN_) . : LADIES AND GENTIBMEN, THIS 18 OUR IAST BROADOAST OFTHIS SEASON . DON .,WE'VE HAD THIRTY-NINE STRENUOUS WEEKS OF RADIO, .AND ON TNE SHOULDERS OF THE STAR OF OUR SHOW FEL1. . THR TASK OF CARRYING THIS BURDEN AIQNE .,SO WITHOIIP FURTHER ADO , WE BRING YOU A VERY TIRE80M6 COMEDIAR, JACK: That's tirod l ; JACK BENNY . ' DON . (APPIAUSL) JACK : /I*MWqMo again, this is Jack Benny talking, .and Don, you're right . .This has boon a very grueling eeaeon . .Work, work, nothing but rrork„S tell you, Don, I'm so tired right now - I can hardly keep my big blue eyes open . . .I'm really all in . DON : Well Jack, I knoe it has beenn a tough season, but I can't understand why you should be that tlrsd . .A_rter all, . you're only thirty-nine . JACK : fa~uok, Don, it'e hard for a man of your ago to realize how tired you can get, .How old are you? DON : Thlrty-eight . JACK : Well, just wait fifteen years till you're thirty-nine, you'11 be tired, too . . .Of course, the burden you're oarryin¢ is not on your ehoulders, . Rrx 0 1 0 311 0 68 DON : What? JACK; And how you got a pair of pants,,to f1t your burden, is beyond me . j ywi.(M4."M0 ~~.!~/ iAyl~_tpa . . •Y+os'.t'4+4~ r .. ~ : . .. .r .I V' iN .r .r YM" . .aN . :WWfA 11r~q•,i ,M . e~9iY4W}F, n`, ._W24 .4µ. .Yt=, _=M = JACK : 6eo, ' I can ' t understand that, Don . .Nev York taxi drivers are known for their courtesy and politeness . . .Nhy, take the follow who drove me from the station to my hotel . Nhen I got out, he vas so shy he wouldn ' t even ask me for the fare . .he j ust grabbed me by the ankles, turned me upside down, and shook me . .Can you imagine that . DON : Oh my coodness, Jack, what did you say? . JACK : , I had my money .ln my mouth : . . : Anyway, I will saythls cab drlver was very efficient . Ho picked me up at the station and drove straight to the Sherry Netherlands Hotel . . DON : Oh, do you live theve? JACK : No, he doeaf . ~~ W, W" pow R7 80 1 0 311064 . . , _4~ ./ DCNo . kn v»hi is ovr-'iet no •&mand v'ous i ret ut do you •eallza wl t qoUSxa e M~wgy~ tixytha£ aouldleta man e a t xi up to hi room . MDNNII . •e g eta . . . . JACKr ~ow o th . , ,Mws . o ' i N ~ Mli 1(FMMOdYMlaiiylwj . irien - M nd Mra crae sRe1 1 .',,, .You n~~, - eth n 11e me I eh uY st, avelven m writere that e as a fare 11-fi -•,Well, look vhose . here . .Hello, Mary . .Hello,. 'MARYdHsya, Jack everybody . ~ . . (APPLAUSE) _ JACK: Well Mary, here we are finiehinganother asason,•another thirty-nine weeke that you've worked for me . .Hov do you feel? MARY : Hungry : What do you. JACK mean, hungry? . MARY : On what you pay ma y7r ~ ~Y8 at theAutomat, . . 7i. JACK : All right, all ri_ht••you and your Jokes, . Automat•,I saw you at the Stork Club last night . MARY : I tlas sellinc cigarsttes, JACK : Selling cigarsttes? How did you do? MnRY: (lAUCHINCLY) Not bad„I was first again with tobacoo men . JACK: Say, thatse pretty good••You know, we can use that routine at the Palladium theatre in London,,,Juet think, Mary, pretty eoon we ' ll be on the high seas on our way to England, flTN01 0311070 •5• MARY : I know . .and Jaok, beforeve go, you oughta have all your clothes oleaned .',that ship xe'regoing on Ss kinda big . . you won't be able to leanover the elde and do your ' . laundry . . . . .~ ' . JACK: / ti Mary,, I . tried to reaoh you yestarday y~g,,,yost . ~ . . , .rwVi .wrwe . MARYy +~ ~ ~~oftMtW4 yN 1W7\p161d1{ 5//~,1g4 JACK I)/1N/2 ~! , . . . rq010.oe, . {~itii WPJ . .heir-d4 MARY,IW~$ :I . ~YuW~APWA*t" pwOt !M !1 - I Mwt **IdwM. s , JACK !1/ a!!'uts bomy MARY :~ JACK : '1...~r....~ (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : CCME IN . (SOLRiD : DOOR OPENS) BAGBY : Tologram for Jack Benny . JACK : Hexre, boy, I-11 take St . . .Here's a tip for you . BAGBY : Oh boy, a nlokel, now I catl i w 01kStA t t n! (SOUND : DOOR SLAMS) JACK : Hmm . -zadiv'axi-hYBB MARY : Jack, who ' s the telegram from? . JACK : Wait'll I open it, Mary . .(TWG GRUNTS) Here Mary, you opon it, I haven't had my Wheatiea today . ' MARY : Okay, (S07RID : TELEGRAM OPENS) JACK ; What does it say? FlTYC01 0311071 MARY: "^(T@A'bs) "UHDERSTAND x0u1$E/W{fi1WAM i1M YnusF,E-Y+oR13-eP-N3N9mrm•mrr,cx .- . . , SIGNSD, JOE WOLCOTT," , . . . . :he viP6d mc as eoon ae he oame. JACKh, Well, 1sn$t that nioe` ~ to . . .That was reallyu-- . . . . : ...... - PRILe ALL RIGHT, SACK90H . THSY.YSWAITED IAt7G ENOUGH, .80 STAND . . .f,BIDE, DAD, AND LET 1EMJ SP.EPtE : I$POEM $BE ME . . ' JACK : Hlya, Phil . . (APPIAIISE) ' JACK : Well Phil, here we arN 'fLrlehing another'eeaaon .,another thlirty-nine weeks that youwe irorked fon me . .How .doyou feel? PHIL: Thirsty . ' JACK : Oh fino . .Mary l a hungry and you ' re thirsty, PNIL : Hey Jackeon, were you at the Louis-Walcott ficht at the Yankee Stadium Friday night? JACK : Sure Phil, I vas sitting right up front . PHIL: Did you hour the big reception I got when I carue in4 Everybody jumped to their feet and cheered and yelled . JACK : Really, Phil . .When did you come in? PHIL : At two minutes and fifty-six seconds of the oloventh rom d, JACK; Oh for heaven's sake, Yhil „They were cheering the fight . . Jersey Joe Walcott was staggering all over the place . PHIL: So was I . JACK : What? PHIL: I hope Walcott felt better the next morning than I did, JACK: I'm sure he did, RTY{01 0311072 ,,1_ DON : 8ay Phil, I haven i t .eeen you since you came in from Clevelsnd.. Where have you beon7 PHII?14 8""ad to stop off in Philadelphia to oast my vote at the Republican Convention . '- -' - - JACK : ' Yo - t your voteR, . . ', PHILy Certainly, I was chairman of thedelegation from Doo Wah ~ , .. . . Ditty . . -. . . . 7.Y6CK Tq JAC .Ia7d~~ fe iw i~M'I : Say-JaokfafdnTt'youthink the oonvention.vae exciting? JACKPW tlMibplLKO was, and those Republioans must be pretty sure . of getting into the White Houee .. They nominated Devey, Warren, and four piano movers . . .And you know, kids, .it ' s quite an honor to us Californians to have our governor nominated for Vice President . And I ' m pretty thrilled because just two years ago Earl Warren was a guest on my . program . PHIL: Hey Jackson, that Governor Warren is really a good 7ookin t guy, ain ' t he7 JACK : He sure is, Phil . .and he ' s very popular, too . PHIL: What a guy . .handaome . .boautlful smile . .full of oharm and personality . .Why, if he could lead a band held be another Phil Harris : How do you like. JACK that : Say Phil . MARY : What is it,. PHIL Liwy4 MARY : If Walcott's head was as big as yours, Louis would've ml* owght+it in the first roun.d . JACK: Mary, I love you for that . . T"rrVVVw#VFA%TPft- MARY: Thanks, Jack, but I ' m still hungry . AT 8 01 0311073 JACK : Well, 1,11 get you a sandwich when we get to London . . There I e no use having one here, ve may_have a rough voyage : ...... Ch say, Don . . DON :/ w Yea, .Jack, . : Iive had a request to repeat the„gabre. JACK Dance .on my violin . . Isthe quartet here? , .,, . . . DON : Yes, there they are . .the Sportemen . ~ . . :._ JACK: Uh yes, I didn f t see them . . .Hello, fellewa ...... Hello, Se11oWe . . . .Boye, I said hello ...... Do ~~ squeeze them . DON : Okay . ' QUART : HM14MA1M[,+y ;..,, JACK : Good *pab. .Now wait'llI get my v1o11n . .Hand St to me, - w111 you, Mary? , MARY : All right, but I'll hate myeelf 1n the morning : Never mind, givo it to me . . .All right, boys . .letle. JACK go . . . THE SABRE DANCE . . (INTRG_DU_CT_ICN TG_ QUART : YOU'D BETTBR TRY A LUCKY, THEY ARE MADE DOWN IN KENTUCKY . BETTER BUY LUCKIES, BETTER TRY LUCKIES, . BETTER BUY LUCKIES, BETTER TRY LUCKIES, THAT'S T}Q: CIGARETTE THAT YOU WILL LIKE . Jf,CK : (VIOLIN) QUART : YOU'D BETTER HURRY HURRY YOU DON'T WANT US ALL TO WORRY, HURRY UP BUY THEM, HURRY UP TRY THEM, LOCK WHAT YOU'RE MISSING, LGGK WHAT YOU'RE MIBBING . HURRY UP AND TRY A LUCKY STRIKE . JACK : (VIOLIN) ar 801 0311070 QUaRT: So FOR YOUR OWN DEEF DOWN BdOKING ENJOYMENT YOU SHOULD TRY LUCKIE3 30YOU WILL SEE WHY MEN WHO KNOW AGREE , L3 M F T . JACK : (VIOLIN) : YOU DON'T KNCW WHAT YOU'RE MI33IN' ' QUART . IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN SMOKING THIS 1UN ` HURRY NOW 6ND BUY A CARTON THfiT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO START ON LUCKIES TEEN WILL BS YOUR FAVORITE BRAND . JACK : (VIOLIN) QUART : THEY'RE THE BEST BRAND IN THE L.lID, . L S S S, k F F F, L S S S, M F F P L 3M F, L 3 M F T JACK : (VIOLIN) QUART : OH, L S S S S S, MF FFFFFF L S 3 S, M F F F, L S S 3, M P P F LUCKY STRINE'S THE CIGARETTE FOR ME . JACR : (VIOLiN) QU(.RT : NOW BEFORE WE FINISH THERE IS ONE IMPORTANT THING AS YOU N' :Y GUESS QUALITY OF PRODUCT 13 ESSENTIl.L TO CONTINUING SUCCESS .CK : (VIOLIN) . Ji (f.PPLiUSE) Arx01 0311075 -1U- . . (SECOND ROUPINE)y~r ' : Boys I t was .won~derful . .I xasnever . JACK better . .I mean you were good too~ wieh you were going to England with me . PHIL: Say Jackeon, while we're over in Y.ondon,Itm gonna buy eome of those English tweede . : . JACK :You mean a suit? - PHIL:- Yoah,and I ain ' t gonna take .,3uet any old English . .I'm gonna Piok-A-Di1lr, .,HA HA HA HA .,OHeuitin London HANRIB+ . I I LL BET MII(fON BEELE 1 g OCTTHAT'WRITTEN DOWN ALREADX, JACK : Written down? He's doing iton.television right now . . .and not only that, as soon ae=-M : Hello, Mr . Denny .~DEANIS : Oh, hello, Dennis. JACK . . (APPLAU3E) JACK : We11, Dennis, here we are finishing another season . . another thirty-nine weeks you'vebeen working for .me . .How do you feel? DENNIS~ A e..~-=-~ ~~JACK : What? 9~37foiii/1 naven't 9e9n you since we got to towu, .Have you been having a good time? DENNIS : I'll say . . .Gee, I really like New York .,the people here are so friendly . .and so trueting : Trusting? What do you mean, kid4. JACK . DENNIS : Last night a fellow stopped me on the street and wanted to horrow five dollars, and when I .gave it to him, he didn't even ask me my name . - JACK : Oh for heaven's sake, Dennis .,If he didn't get your name, how will he know who to return i~t to? RrYi 0 1 0 811 0 76 DENNISt Well, he'a etuok with the money,~let him worry about It. JACK :. DennisOkKme here a minute . . . . DENNIS ;. Huh7 -- . ' JACK : I wanta feel your head and see Yf'it's ripe enough to pick yet . ' . . . . . , , . MARY : . Say Dennis, I want to thank oou Por taking me to the fight , Friday-night, You were the only .one thataeked me . . JACK : . Dennis, did you take Manry to the fight? . . DENNIS : Yeah . .and Gee, whatexoitement at the end of the elasv nth round . .when the polioe allgathered around, picked him off the floor, and carried him baclc to hie seat . JACK: . Joe Walcott? _ . DENNIS : No, Phil~ Harris . ~ ' . JACK : Oh yes .prnil, . . DENNIS : GeeS I was so proud . .,hela my friendy,~ .~~ JACK : Dennie( eYa~ybody here in the studio is anxious to hear your song, .ap how about it? DENNIS: Okay . . (SOUPID : I@]OCK ON DOOR) JACK : Hold it, k1d . .COME IN . (gOUtIDt DOOR OPENS) JACK : Well aell well, Mre.er. Ki~tzel . ARTIE : Hello, Mr . RennyihitaI s"& pieasure . Na" yq y (APPIAUSE) , JACK : Well, Mr . Kitzel, how do you happen to be in New York? ARTIE : I came hero last week to go to a wedding, . A cousin of mine got married . . JACK : Oh well , congratulatlone ., ( 7 ARTIE". -"%Pk arrc 01 0 3 1 1 0 7 ? -12- JACK : Wa a minute, Mr . Kitzel, vhyehould you >aVe- to poetpo a vedding on acoount of-ra ARTIE : We he]d i at the Polo oround --you should eee all my . relatives . JACK : Oh, then you di I see the fight, ARTIE : Give them ti , the st got married . JACK: I flidn~ mean that . .B tell me,Mr . Xitzel, did you have . a ARTIE : H00 H00 R00 H00! JACK : It vas a big party4 to ARTIE : The vlne floved like Celery Tonic . . JACK : Celery Tonic? . ARTIE : That ' s a vegetarian champagne . JACK :Oh, ARTIE: ad Then right after the cersmony,vae over, I vas the first in line to kise the groom . . JACK : The OroomR : Witt"SV`fac~.p *4ARTIE JACK : Oh oh . .D1dyou meet a lot of your old friends there? ARTIE ; Everybod~ yyll knew for years . Even Pansy Nussbaum : Pansy Nusshaum? . . JACK : She is workin¢ for . .you should oxcuse the expression. ARTIE . . dlOfs Sufal4w . Fred Allen, JACK : Oh yes yes, of course, .Well Mr . Kitzel, I'm awfully glad you dropped in, ARTIF. : Thank you, Mr . Benny„and here „I brought you a farewell present for your boat trlp . I had it made especially for you . NTYlO1 03110 ?8 Aoll . .letts- eee it, .Ah,-ien~t that oute, ;a long bagel - ..w , . . . ' muoh, Mr . .lW1NN ARTI 4 BN ~tkdo0 JACKt)""" Mld" 7r4 (SOUND : DOORCLOSES ) .(APPLBUSE) JACK : Isn-t it funny how Ilrun into Mr . Ki I go . PHIL : Say Jaokson, I eaw him,the othe/ night ooming out of on e of them Broadway shows . JACK : Oh yeah . .vhat ehow was tbajf4 PHIL : "Make Mine Martini" . 1 ' JACK : What ? ~ ~• . DON : "Make Mine Manhattan . " PHIL : Okay, Donzy, Whatill you have, JaokoonR JACK : A ham hook to hit you over the head vith . .Now come on, let's-- (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR ) JACK: Oh for heaven's sake . .who oan that be . . .OOME IN . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS : A paoka¢e for Mr . Denny . ) MILT . JNCK : Well . .sot it down right here . .Herele a tip for you MILT : Oh goody, a book of matohes, now I can go out and have a hot time . (SOUND : DOOR SIAMS ; Hmm. . .I wondor whatI e in this) JACK paokage :1 (50UND : PACKAGE OPENING ) i RTi{ 0 1 0311074 -14- ~ JACK : Oh lo,ok . .a great b1g basket oi'~fruit to take on he boat P om my sister Florence . . .` sn I t that nioe .•l~ook at St, Mary . .D you ever see suoh a b4 basket offrui MARY: Coah,I'v never seen so muohfru t . JACK: ' 17either hav I . .Row long do you thlik it'll last? MARY : It depende on how fast you sellit . JACK : . ', Now, oome on, Dennis, itie tlme foryour song . . Nhat's it gonna be? . ' , :100g~ that I recorded for R .C. - DENNIB .A . Victor . .calleA . ~+~"iRe . . ' JACK : Swell, go right ahead . ' (APPIAUSE) ~y~ (DEN_NI_5! S SONG .= y5$~~"""' ^'! "~ 1RN ._) (APPIAUSL) RTYi 0 1 0311080 (THiRD RGUSIr E ) sW7,~ JACK: That was E/wonderful number,~Mnn eq~ou really,eang .it l¢eautiful3y,.: .And Phil, this. ie. . thafirst. . .tiun I've heatai , . tLt, ~oroheetra sound so hioe and~- . - . (SOUND : PHOT E RINGS) . . . . . JACK : I'll take it . .It's pr~obably Roohaater . ~ . . . : (SOUtg1iRECEI'VER UP) JACK: Hello . . JENRY: Hello, this is the ope rator.-..I kfave a long distance call for Jack Benny in New York City, JACK : Long distance?Whero I e it from?~- JENNY : Har] .em . , JACK : fty that ' s,what I thought . .put him on . . . .Hello : HELIA, MR . BLNNY, THIS IS ROCHESTER . . ROCH (APPLAUSE) . . JACK : Well, it ' s about time you oalled, Rochester . .I haven ' t heard from you sinoo we arrived in Neu York . ROCH : I'M SORRY,B(33 : . .BUT MONDAY NIGHT WREN I GOT TO HARLEM, THERE WAS A BIG PARTY CELEBRITING JOE LJUIS ' S VICTORY ., JACK: Monday nieht? Wait a minute, Rochester . .It wasn ' t till Friday night that Louis Beat Waloott . . ROCH : WE'RE STILL CELEBRATING HIS VICTORY OVERSNDIELI 0 . JACK : But that was ten years ago . Why aro they holding the party now? ROCHt IT WAS POSTPONED ON ACCOUNT OF RAIN . JACK : Well, Rochester, I hope it ' s not a .wild party . .What ' re you having to drink? ROCH : I doet t 1u " W Yh wllisa . t+M tDb 06nOqMi. A rx 0 1 0311081 . . . . ._ . . .,..,re, .e ` :--::,I . . a• .•z -16- JACK: That's what I thought . .NCw Rochester, I hope you packed everything in my trunk that I naOd . .You know whLle I ' m in London, I ' m going to participate .in the Olympio gamse . ROCH : YOU ARE? JACK :- Yes sir, -no ROCHa . WELL, I HOPE YOU WIN, BOSS, I HOPE ~'OU WIN : You do? ' '. JACK - ROCH : YEAH .,AMERIOA HASN 1 T HAD A TIDDLY-WINK CHAMPION IN YEARS . JACK: Rochester, I - m not going to~py ~ vawf/ your information, I'm roing to throw .the discus : YOU'RE GONNA WHAT THE 4R[04 JACK . ROC}I : I'm gonna throe the diecus . .Throwing the discus .is an ancient Roman sport that was .~popular during the days of Nero . ROCH : I THOUGHT YOU WERE PIAYING THE FIDDj.E THEN . . JACK : NOW CUT THAT OUT{ . . .And Rochester, when I leave, I hope ; you ' ll be down to the dock to see me off . ROCH : OH I WILL, BOSS, I WILL : .1ft . ON" Apbatm .-JACK ' ROCH : I DON'T LIKB TO~BE SENTIMENTpL„BUP 3ILL KIND OF MISS YOU~WHEN YOU~ftE fOP~ . . .T}~ HO\~USE WILL SEEM`'$0 BIG AND ENPiY WITHOUT YOU\ .CK : Than you, Rocheat r .,I hope y u won't missm~. Jt too muoh . ROCH : WELT . . .IF I D0, I'L . JUST PUT A~TOUPAY ON THE ~ARROT . AND HA C DINPIER WI JACK : Well, on~t use any o`(' ths blond bnee, they clas}\ with iiPdp-godCDye`V-E 3'ohe er . ROCH : GOODBYE . (SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN ) . (APPLAUSE ) Arx 0 1 0311082 -lr- JACK: I t m gonna miss Roohester, too . . .8ut j ust thlnk, .kide. . .in'a little vhile we ' 11 be out on the Atlantic Ooean headed for . . ..,.,,, ...... ,-.... , - .. r thrB - e el in the baske , . yov-Va*:!-- (30UND : KNOCK ON'DCOR) JACK : CO[UC IN . (30UND : DOOR OPENB) . ALLEN : Pardon me, I vas looking for thetrashroom, but this will do . JACK : Why Fred . .Fred Allen . (APPIAUSE) ALLEN : Jack, I roally dropped In tonight4ayffiw- , Wa1t a minute, Fred JACK : . .Wait a minute . .let me look at you . . . Gee, you're looking eve11 . . .I've never eoen you have euoh rosy colored bags under your eyes . ALLEN : Look, Jack . .I dropped in tonight beoauee-- 4A M: ell your\}okes thl\ough yourVose . Y oomedlffin who ls 'em a JACK : And that pained expression on your face . .you look like a hen trying to lay a baeketball . 1:s g.t{ina :qYe Sn t,trtt . ALLEN : L"A11 right, Jack, all right . .Nara.7.ataat.tA-- JACK : And those vrinkles . . .Honeetly, Fred, your faoe looke like a convertible with the top half-vay down . fliYS01 0311083 -.~- ALLEN : ,,,,,git down, little man,you muet be timd~ ""ft* and gentlemen, please tune in ,yodxr radioe an houa frompow . when this Nature Boy ufthe Oay Nineties is a guost on my program vithout hie'vmitePS . -- JACK : Now Fred, what do you-> ALIEN : . Benny vithout his wrlter JACK : Now wait a minute, Fred,What doyou-- ALIEN : And he ehouldtalk about the way-I look . .Benny t a hairline has receded eo far~, „ygp his eyebrows to keep up " his morale . ' ' JACK: Fred-- ALLEN : I~~4q~seen more fuzz on a harvest moon : Fred, .Frad . .~.,WF.at did you come. JACK barging in hero AM 0f va " % 3dal7°ky •w r... .e+.w w..m .. u.. ne. wt` ALLEN :in Wel here llyt~t~ to see you . .lt :b Mary f" IOU "0 . MARY : QftWpQ : Yb&, .HOllo,. ALIBN Mary, : Hello, Fred . .what is it you wanted? . MARY ALLEN : Well Mary, you could do me a great favor . .X came here~- . PHIL : Hi l ya Frederick, long tims no see ~LENt : Well_ woll, it it isn't Ph1,1 Harrie. AL . .Hollyvood ' s answer to , . . / w r,~,J.~y1t„T47and thero ' s .Lennie Day• .Hello, Dennis . DENNIS : Hello, Mr . Allen . . AP2£AT Sut28CIDS8'r• io~ .a .B>~aFOR- :~.p~Og2RIR+iaYry~Y' 86NMi8 : •Wa~-~aw,tJrY.aqR I thooghty r, . Ai3S01 0 3 1108 4 _1Q_ JACK : Look Fred . .we l re doing a program ., ..what did you Vant to . see Mary about? : Yes Fred . .what is it? . . MARY . ALLEN : Well Mary, every now and then Portland likeetotake a oouple of weeke off my program and I thouglvn '17=0 garr- . . 1L17 ...... like youmight .A(eyt to take her plaoe F- MARY: Well thanks, Fred . .but Idon ' t think I~oould take Portland ' s plaoe . ALLBN : Oh, yes you oould . .Why don1t you tr/*aqrng a line-or two4 JACK : Wait a minute, Fred . .I don f t .Vant my program sound ing like yours . ALIEN : I had three answere to th . !T"Nwt them the ceneor took out and the~ thir '1hoY\'~ W airqid{. .~N~ m tLe MARY : Oh Jack, I'l1Just imitate Portland for a eecond . It yon,Y_. n_ynd l_ike Fned1 . prDgra_m, . . JACK : Well . . . . ALLEN : Go ahead, Mary . . MARY: No y All right . (A L4 PORTLAND) . . . Oh Mr . Allen, Mr . Allen . ALLEN : What is it, Portland? PHIL : (CL4GHORN) AhIm from the South, thQ~4outh, that is . DENNIS : (CASSIDY) Terrible, terrible, ter~riblo, I'm not long for this world . JACK : De nn is! DENNIS : (MOODY) Howdy Bub . . JACK : Now sto thatl . . . Ai37iN : arx01 0311085 I~- ifAar+ .That e unds nice . •- ALIFii? Ahd you " have the righ to ~ti:yy ~ove of t e scripts . [yRR1': Oh~, that'll be wonderful, And n about the money-- . Let me ndle t s, Mary, .What wo you saying, red? Jack, St' s amazin how you regot to at vo1d, Mo y Almost every y kn how to spell it, . -O-N-E-Y . . people can even pell i backwarde ; but yo tre the onl dACK : . Look, Fred . .xill you" pleaee let me run my own show ; .This is aorse than last week when Bob Hope dropped in on ue unexpectedly/-*"w^#t'um ~t~~AW mytp~i'am was out off the air ten seconds too soon . ' nLIEN : That's funny, I thought it xas out off thlrty minutes too late . JACK : Nov listen, Allen-- ' MARY : Wait a minuto, Jack, .don't got exolted . . .And Fred, much as I'd 11ke to substitute for Portland, I oouldnlt .- . You see, Jack has me signed to an exclusive contract . ALLEN : Well Mary, that's nothing to worry ahout . .Contracts can bo brokon . .Ist me aee yours . MARY : Oh Fred, I'd rather not . .I ' m too modest . ALtEN : What ' s modesty got to do with your contract? MARY : It ' s tattooed on my back . JACK ; You ' re darned right . .and anyway, Mary . .you ' re under oxcluslve contract to me, .and if you go on Fred ' s program, . I ' m not going to take you to Europe . MARY : a 1Arr11 right, ,Jack,I won't . JACK : / Ae"l~goiag to appear at the Palladium in London . .and then we're eoing to tour the oontinent . .We+re even going to Cermanv . RTH01 031108 6 ALIEN : Good . .that'71 teach 'em to start ware, ;~M ~. JACK : , That I'm going to ignore entirely M4ggV ~e the audienoe TWICE), ., p••and whil . IPm thereI' a lot of tho e FrenoA~Poe Cards . . ABEENi Frenoh oet Carde . .G d, what you on't do to ma think yo 're really irty-nine ; Wait a min te, Fred,, ntt,go pioklils on my age, .I pretty youn AMMi! Young? Jack\ let'e faoAit „you!re ol$enough to play' MARY: Oh, !~N~16 arguing „why don't you tvo kiee and make up? . ALIEN : Wel~l _l0jkb10t417/i111ng, . JACK : Of cJourse you're willing . .you have to kiss me . .but look - what I'm stuck vith . . . . l.nyway, I'm leaving for England aoon so I won't have to see you for awhile . ALLEN : I can't imagine you spending the money to go to Europe, wou JACK: What ' ro you talking about . I always spend money, .why I evon went to see the Louts Walcott flght, ALLEN : I know, I saw you coming out of that newsreel theatre . JACK: What? ALLEN : You spend monoy, .Why the last time you opened your Nallet, Washington said toLlnooln, "Pull down the shade, Abe, the lieht's kil'_inc me ." JACK : Liaten Allen, another crack like that and I'll punch you so hard it'll straighten out your wrinkles and make your face four feet aquare . RrS1010811087 -~--;-- . . , . . . ~ . Sk tuw o.w l/0la Zaar }. ,wr« tw. W.. re. ~~ ALIEN : Whyyou refugee from the Cld Fo1kB Nome(,It you ever ~ managed to get your fiet .doubled up, you'd be too tired . ,~y{ to sving it :J .'µTh~att'~~a . -JACK t~you think . . .You better shut up or I'11 pull . ' . your lip dovn and hook it to your belt buokle . . .NOV I'm ' varning you, Allen, you'better get out while I o ve still got control of my temper . . E N: CamfulnoY Hnnny . .you're liable. ALL to blow your top and : . . , yW „lAyEkl~tl'd ~~ ~3Y JACK : F!~;L~L!llll That settles it . .,Throw him out, Mary . . 1NtC! INR 4b3~-t1f0 . ' . . AL1EN : Never mind,I'm leaving anyxnp : Co on, beat 1t, .and I'm te111nP.JACK you right nov . .I'm not -appearing on your program tonight . ALIk7N : Then you von't got pald . .-- . JACK: What time's mhoarsal4 . . ALLEN :' Elght o ' clock ; : I'll be thero . . .Coodbye, Fmddie. JACK : Goodbye, Jack . . ALLEfl (BOUND : DOOR SLAMB) (APPLAUSE) - J.:CK : You know, Mavy, he-s a eveet guy . .,Play, Phil . (APPIAUSE_AND PIAY0FF1 RT}S01 031 1088 -~3- ?Y JACK: Ladiee and Gentlemen, The American Red Croee is appealing to you for help in aiding the thousands of pereon have been affeoted by the great floo the Northweet, The need ie gre that ie we are asking you to give - whatever you aan a to~your local Red Croee Chapter . RFM M1IDER,whatover mount you give will aidsome homeYSea person. Thank you (APPIAD9E ) DON : Jack wl.11 be back in just a minute, but firet,, .. . . ., . RT 8 01 0311089 ..~-,,- .---_- ---- _ -, ` 1fitE JACK BENNY PH00RAM -24- JUNE 27th, 1948 ?l CI4SIN0 CCFifSERCIAL : BOONE : (CHANT -- 57 to 59 -- AMERICAN) . . . RUYSDAEL: LUCKY STRIKE -- PIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MEN) (M_U_SIO_ :_ - TRE_ME) . RUYSDAEL : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBAC00 6fEN1 . (MUSIO :_ _ THCM6_) . LAING : As a recent impartial eurvey reveals ; more Sndependent tobacoo experts smoke Lucky 8trlke regularly than the next two leading brands combinedl Yes, more than the next two leading brands oombinedl Luoky Strike : . (MUSIO :_ _ THE6~) RUYSDAEL : PIRBP AGAIN WITH TOBACCO MENI (MU3IC :_ _ T_HEME) RUYSDAEL : That's what the survey shows . Now listen to a statement recently made by Mr . James Maynard Talley, tobacco warehousoman from Durham, North Carolina, From what he knows -- from what he sees -- this is what he eaid : VOICE : Season after season, I've seen good, ripe, mild tobacco bought by the makers of Lucky Strike . Iive smoked Luckies 18 years . They give me a mild, mellow smoke . . . IAING : So take a tip from the experts and for your own real, deep-down smoking on j oyment, light up a Lucky . Light up a really fine cigarette and puff by puff, you ' ll see : RUYSDAEL ; LS - PLZ`P LS - MIMI LAING: Lucky Strike means flne tobaooo . And in a olgarette it :e the tobacco that counts . So emoko the smoke tobacco experts smoke -- Lucky Strike . (MUSIC_ :_ _ T_HEME) RUYSDAEL : FIRST AGAIN WITH TOBACCO FHEN{ LUCKY STRIEEI RTY{01 0 31109 0 ~ xaa I JACK : Well,ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my oast,'my wlur writers, and everybody aeeooiated with my program, .I vant to thank all'of you M :o heve beenlistening to us for,t~~ ~onto, eixteon years I . .sud we'll see you again i Sn the .fall ' .r,. *'iF'iYrlO'MStV 4 ~11.g11W/M W -~ 1NJr ~111. L/IN ~ItlM 0! g"o! Mj4MNM1Yy 46 Mt 4A "YWi" '~ ~ MUtl~1~g ~1R y3S~TMlkf ~U B,Ir ~1~ .{WIN. . mtf 6/26/48pm . Rrxo I 0311091