Ghosts of Summer Chanomi Maxwell-Parish Northern Michigan University
Total Page：16
File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb
Northern Michigan University NMU Commons All NMU Master's Theses Student Works 2013 Ghosts of Summer Chanomi Maxwell-Parish Northern Michigan University Follow this and additional works at: https://commons.nmu.edu/theses Recommended Citation Maxwell-Parish, Chanomi, "Ghosts of Summer" (2013). All NMU Master's Theses. 452. https://commons.nmu.edu/theses/452 This Open Access is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Works at NMU Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in All NMU Master's Theses by an authorized administrator of NMU Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected],[email protected]. GHOSTS OF SUMMER By Chanomi L. Maxwell-Parish THESIS Submitted to Northern Michigan University In partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of MASTER OF FINE ARTS Office of Graduate Education and Research 2013 SIGNATURE APPROVAL FORM Title of Thesis: Ghosts of Summer This thesis by Chanomi L. Maxwell-Parish is recommended for approval by the student’s Thesis Committee and Department Head in the Department of English and by the Assistant Provost of Graduate Education and Research. ____________________________________________________________ Committee Chair: Prof. Matthew Frank Date ____________________________________________________________ First Reader: Dr. Amy Hamilton Date ____________________________________________________________ Second Reader (if required): Dr. Paul Lehmberg Date ____________________________________________________________ Department Head: Dr. Raymond Ventre Date ____________________________________________________________ Dr. Brian D. Cherry Date Assistant Provost of Graduate Education and Research ABSTRACT GHOSTS OF SUMMER By Chanomi L. Maxwell-Parish My thesis is a series linked essays and vignettes dealing with family identity, coming-of-age, and personal identity. I describe my upbringing in a post-hippie, back-to- the-land, low-income household in northern Minnesota. I then explore the impact of my father’s early death on my young adult development, examining how his life and decisions have affected my own. i Copyright by Chanomi L. Maxwell-Parish 2013 ii TABLE OF CONTENTS Ghosts of Summer: An Introduction .......................................................................1 Minneapolis ............................................................................................................12 Five A.M. ................................................................................................................22 October 1998...........................................................................................................41 Landmarks ..............................................................................................................56 Funeral ....................................................................................................................62 Vote ‘Yes’ for the Kids ...........................................................................................68 Hats .........................................................................................................................76 Return......................................................................................................................96 Mom ........................................................................................................................108 Experiencia .............................................................................................................120 Dad’s .......................................................................................................................130 Arrival .....................................................................................................................143 Lunch ......................................................................................................................154 Meditations on Disapproval ....................................................................................158 Limbo ......................................................................................................................167 Works Cited ............................................................................................................182 iii GHOSTS OF SUMMER: AN INTRODUCTION The title of my thesis, “Ghosts of Summer,” plays with the title of the Dylan Thomas poem “I see the boys of summer.” Roger Kahn was inspired by this line of poetry to assign a nickname to the Brooklyn Dodgers as the title of his 1972 nonfiction book about baseball, The Boys of Summer. The Thomas poem starts with the line “I see the boys of summer in their ruin” (1), and Kahn links this first line to the World Series of both 1952 and 1953, the two years in which he followed the Brooklyn Dodgers and saw them lose each series to the New York Yankees. I’ve always liked the phrase “boys of summer” because it can refer not only to the fleeting, seasonal nature of the baseball season, but also to the fleeting nature of winning, of athletic (or any other) prowess, of youth, and of life. While baseball appears explicitly in only one of my essays here, the wistfulness and nostalgia of baseball culture have inspired me throughout the process of writing much of my material. For me, as for many Americans, baseball links me to my past and to my father. My father died when I was in college, and as a result, my baseball-related memories with him feel more poignant than they may have been if we had continued to attend games together into my adulthood. For a time after his death, I attended games on a very regular (and perhaps even fanatical) basis, because I enjoyed watching the various baseball stories unfold: the stories of each game as it related to each player as an individual and as a team member, and how these stories built up over time to define a season and a team and a fan base and a culture and a history. Loss was always a major part of these stories: 1 losses of tempers, losses of players due to trades or injuries, losses of important games or series, and the losses of each summer as the baseball seasons wore on. Kahn writes: “Losing after great striving is the story of man, who was born to sorrow, whose sweetest songs tell of saddest thought, and who, if he is a hero, does nothing in life as becomingly as leaving it” (xii). Loss, especially as it relates to the loss of my father’s life, may be my most prevalent theme throughout these essays. My search for his memory and his ghost, as I moved through the years I shared with him and into my own story, were what compelled me through the MFA program at Northern Michigan University, a three-year spring training program consisting of practice and dedication and trial and error and learning from my teammates and coaches and the masters who came before me. In putting this training to use, I have tried to express my own nostalgia as effectively as possible by telling the story of my family as individuals, and as a team. In addition to the inspiration I drew from baseball, there are several authors who have helped guide me in the ongoing process of effectively re-creating the emotional experience of nostalgia and loss. In particular, I admire the way David Sedaris is able to take dark subjects and make them light and humorous. My favorite of Sedaris’s essays, printed in his book Naked, is entitled “Ashes,” and is ultimately about the death of his mother. However, it starts out with a series of humorous anecdotes about how he didn’t want his sisters to get married so that they’d continue to keep him company, and how finally, one of his sisters got engaged. Through these anecdotes, the reader gets a sense of the dynamics of the family, and a few basic details about his mother’s personality, and his close relationship to her. It isn’t until page four of the fifteen page essay that Sedaris 2 reveals the dark news: “Three weeks before the wedding, my mother called to say she had cancer” (237). Since Sedaris has already taken the time to get the reader invested in the family, this news becomes important to us. Everything that follows is about the reaction of the family to the news. The final section of the essay takes place during in the midst of the sister’s wedding festivities, and shows final scenes from the still intact family that reveals both the humor and tragedy of the situation. For example, he is able to sum up his parents’ relationship in one scene that takes place just after the festivities: My mother filled her wine glass and lit a cigarette. “What are you doing?” he followed his question with an answer. “You’re killing yourself is what you’re doing.” My mother lifted her glass in salute. “You got that right, baby.” “I don’t believe this. You might as well just put a gun to your head. No, I take that back, you can’t low your brains out because you haven’t got any.” “You should have known that when I agreed to marry you,” she said. “Sharon, you haven’t got a clue.” He shook his head in disgust. “You open your mouth and the crap just flies.” My mother had stopped listening years ago, but it was almost a comfort that my father insisted on business as usual, despite the circumstances. In him, she had found someone whose behavior would never vary. He had made a commitment to make her life miserable, and no amount of sickness or bad fortune would sway him from that task. My last meal with my parents would be no different than the first. (247) 3 Here, Sedaris shows how his father responds to the daily his wife’s cancer diagnosis, and while it