Hydrogenating the Human Heart
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HYDROGENATING THE HUMAN HEART Perhaps the most enduring problem in the food and drug industry has been the issue of “adulteration” — the cheapening of products through the addition of impure or inferior ingredients. This isn’t merely the situation that Thoreau detected –the addition of water to milk– but includes also the addition of chalk, alum, or kaolin (a type of edible clay), to flour. It was clear to Professor Adam Smith (kindly refer to WEALTH OF NATIONS) and should be clear to us all, that in order to make capitalism work we must guide and supplement it by rules and regulations imposed through law. But that isn’t what this “Hydrogenating the Human Heart” file is about. Not at all! Adulteration is a mere economic crime. The issue here will be the crime of manslaughter, committed by corporations that fail to adequately assure themselves that their food products are healthful rather than medically harmful. Our case in point will be unhealthful partly-hydrogenated vegetable oils, as cheapo substitutes for healthful butter. Procter & Gamble couldn’t have known? –Give me a break. “NARRATIVE HISTORY” AMOUNTS TO FABULATION, THE REAL STUFF BEING MERE CHRONOLOGY “Stack of the Artist of Kouroo” Project Oleomargarine HDT WHAT? INDEX OLEOMARGARINE BETTER THAN BUTTER 1202 Leonardo Fibonacci of Pisa’s LIBER ABACI recommend a Hindu number notation system the first digit of which, in Latin by way of Arabic, was designated the zephyrum. In Italian lingo this initial number would become known as the zeuero or zepiro (Fibonacci had learned of this notational system while studying in Algeria and was hoping it would prove useful to European surveyors). From this year into 1204, the 4th Crusade. Foundation of the Order of Swordbrethren (Ensiferi). King John of England proclaimed the initial English food law, the Assize of Bread, which prohibited the adulteration of flour for bread with such ingredients as ground peas or beans. HDT WHAT? INDEX BETTER THAN BUTTER OLEOMARGARINE 1625 The bubonic plague in London, called the Black Death. The 1st description of hydrogen, by Jan Baptist van Helmont (not called by such a name — however, this would be the initial deployment of a term such as “gas”). HDT WHAT? INDEX OLEOMARGARINE BETTER THAN BUTTER 1669 December 1, Wednesday (Old Style): The Reverend Joseph Emerson was installed as minister at Mendon, his father- in-law the Reverend Peter Bulkeley of Concord negotiating his contract. That contract stipulated that a part of his pay was to be received by him “at some shop in Boston,” as well as that he was to have two pounds of butter for every cow in the town. The Reverend Emerson would continue in the ministry at that town until retiring to Concord upon the outbreak of the race war; as he would die a few years afterward, it is unlikely that he again held a pastorate. HDT WHAT? INDEX BETTER THAN BUTTER OLEOMARGARINE 1766 May 29, Thursday: Henry Cavendish read the 1st of 3 papers before the Royal Society in London, describing experiments in which metals, in contact with acid, produced a substance he was terming “Inflammable Air” (we now term this a “gas,” designated as “Hydrogen”). Fall: As “Senior Sophister,” during his senior year at Harvard College while Holyoke was president, Asa Dunbar headed a revolt against the bad food, especially the rancid butter,1 and against the chronic misuse of special privilege by privileged students — and was threatened with expulsion. DUNBAR FAMILY THOREAU GENEALOGY Asa then wrote up the incident in scriptural language as a burlesque narrative: The Book of Asa the Scribe Chapter I. 1. There was a man of pontiquinum whose name was Asa: the same also, whenas he had none inheritance in pontiquinum, went down into Mistick to sojourn there. 2. Moreover Asa was a wise man, and skilled in all the learning of the harvardites. 3. And it came to pass, when the mistickites saw Asa, that he was a wise man and skilled in all the learning of the Harvardites, that they spake one to another, saying, 4. Do not our children and our servants suffer for lack of instruction? and we ourselves have no time to instruct them, for the labour that is upon our hands. 5. And behold we have victuals and lodging, and mony in our purses, and our young men be very numerous. 6. Go to now therefore, let us entreat Asa, & give him mony, even sixty shekles of silver, & make Asa ruler of the pedagogue to instruct our sons & our servants. 7. And the mistickites did so, & entreated Asa, & offered him sixty shekles of silver, & Asa consented to their entreaties. 8. So Asa instructed the children & the servants of the mistickites, three months, for sixty shekles of silver. 9. And Asa lodged at the house of one Joseph a bricklayer, which standeth 1. The rallying cry among the students was “Behold, our butter stinketh!” HDT WHAT? INDEX OLEOMARGARINE BETTER THAN BUTTER over against the pedagogue, as thou passest thro the gate, towards the north, by the house of Ebenezer the priest. 10. And it was so, that when Asa entered in thro. the door into the pedagogue, he uncovered his head & bowed himself unto the youngmen of the mistickites. 11. Then also the children and the servants of the mistickites, & all the young men rose up & bowed themselves unto Asa & did obeysance. Chapter 2. 1. Now it came to pass in process of time, when Asa went to execute his office in the pedagogue, that he bowed himself as heretofore, & all the young men rose up and bowed themselves & made obeysance. 2. But Andrew the son of Benjamin rose not up nor made obeysance, neither regarded he him at all. 3. Then Asa when he saw that Andrew rose not up neither regarded him at all, went unto his own place, & sat down & called Andrew unto him & spake, saying, 4. Wherefore do I behold this thing in thee? & why hast thou done thus? to set an evil example before the young men. 5. Now therefore I will punish thee with stripes that the young men may see & be afraid, lest peradventure they also be disobedient. 6. Then Andrew fell on his knees & wept bitterly, with many tears, & said unto Asa, forgive, O Sir, I pray thee, & let thine anger be turned away from me, & surely thy servant will do no more so foolishly. 7. Then Asa had compassion on Andrew, & raised him up, & spake to comfortably to him & forgave him, & laid no stripes upon him. 8. Moreover it came to pass after many days, when the fear of Asa had ceased to make Andrew afraid, that behold he again rose not up, nor made obeysance, neither regarded him at all. 9. Then the anger of Asa was kindled a second time against Andrew, more than at the first, & Asa reproved Andrew, saying, 10. Is not this the second time that thou hast delt thus impudently with me? And surely the first time I forgave thee, because of thy tears, & thy promises, & thine entreaties. 11. Now therefore why hast thou done thus impudently again, to set an evil example before the young men? 12. And Andrew was silent, neither opened he his mouth to answer any thing to all the words which Asa had spoken unto him: for he stood guilty. 13. And when Asa saw that he answer’d not a word, neither humbled himself as at the first time, then was Asa exceeding wroth & his anger burned against Andrew. 14. Moreover Asa smote Andrew on his ear, with the palm of his hand, insomuch that he fell down at his feet, as one having no strength. 15. And when the children & the servants of the mistickites saw what was done, they were sore afraid; & all the young men did excedingly [sic] quake HDT WHAT? INDEX BETTER THAN BUTTER OLEOMARGARINE & tremble for fear of Asa, for his fear fell on them all. 16. Therefore none of the young men did after the example of Andrew, but rose up & bowed themselves, & made obeysance lest the wrath of Asa should fall on them as it had done on Andrew their brother, before their eyes. HDT WHAT? INDEX OLEOMARGARINE BETTER THAN BUTTER 1783 Jean-Pierre Claris de Florian’s romantic tale GALATÉE, an imitation of the GALATEA of Cervantes. Antoine Lavoisier assigned a new name which in Greek meant “generated from water” — “hydrogen.” French aeronauts were going aloft in hot-air and hydrogen gas balloons (two years later Jean-Pierre Blanchard would venture across the English Channel in one of these devices).2 December 26, Friday: At a Philosophical Society event in Derby (Soho House of the Lunar Society in Birmingham no longer being available to him due to distance), Dr. Erasmus Darwin released a 5-foot balloon of hydrogen gas and it traveled 30 miles. This was a first in England. THE LUNAR SOCIETY OF BIRMINGHAM 2. By encouraging Europeans and North Americans to credit that technology could create a future markedly different from the past, these aeronauts would participate in the generation of the 19th-Century cult of human progress! By innovating an industrial process of hydrogenation of cheap oils to render them digestible, these scientists would participate in the generation of the 20th-Century epidemic of heart attacks and strokes due to atherosclerosis! HDT WHAT? INDEX OLEOMARGARINE BETTER THAN BUTTER 1784 January 15, Thursday: When Henry Cavendish had burned some hydrogen gas, he noted that water was condensing on the cooler parts of his container. On this day he alerted the Royal Society of London to the hypothesis that water consisted of a combination of hydrogen gas with oxygen gas.