Flying the Red Flag or Singing the Blues? Billy Bragg talks to varsity.co.uk

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 | varsity.co.uk | Friday October 20 2006 | Issue 643 Threat of Architectural delight: The new faces of urban planning watch on Muslim students »Leaked report warns of extremism on campus affiliated, said they were “very disap- JO TRIGG pointed that the Government thinks News Editor this is the way forward”, explaining that the proposals would “achieve Cambridge staff and students have nothing”. A spokesperson claimed reacted angrily to suggestions from the there was “no substantial evidence Department for Education and Skills that such recruiting takes place”. (DfES) that university staff should spy FOSIS, he continued, “encourages on Muslim students. On Monday the Islamic societies to develop stronger Guardian newspaper exposed a docu- relations with students’ unions”. ment, sent to official bodies over the Arif Ahmed, Lecturer in Philosophy, last month, containing proposals expressed similar outrage. “I am not intended to stamp out extremism. going to spy on my students. There is a The leaked document warns that good deal of religious lunacy in universities and colleges “provide a Cambridge already and I see it as part fertile recruiting ground for students” of my job to disseminate rationality and expressing fears that individuals will tolerance in particular”. He contended be “‘sucked in’ to an Islamist extremist that these values “are of course incom- ideology”. The article revealed that the patible with the cretinous superstitions DfES expressed concern over the of Islam, Christianity and Judaism”. increasing politicisation of university Yet the article has been condemned Islamic societies, positing that campus- by the Department for Education and es provided “an opportunity for indi- Skills (DfES) as “inaccurate”. A viduals who are already radicalised to spokesperson told Varsity that the form new networks, and extend exist- guidelines “are not about spying”. ing ones”. It proposes that campus Instead they would be about “working staff should monitor the distribution of with universities, students and local leaflets and the speakers being invited communities to stamp out extremism by Islamic societies and volunteer on campus”. information to Special branch. Professor Drummond Bone, Umar Ahmad of the University of President of Universities UK (UUK), Cambridge Islamic Society (ISOC) said “While this is clearly a draft doc- argued that the proposals were ument, there are dangers in targeting “unnecessary”, and would result in the one particular group… Not only is “reduced likelihood of co-operation”. this unreasonable but, crucially, it He assured Varsity that they had “not could be counterproductive”. He con- had any problems with extremism for cluded that it was “not constructive Second-year architects Benj Ohad Seidler and Lettice Drake (top) knit together their submission as long as anyone can remember”, for the Government to suggest uni- adding that ISOC “publicly condemns versities are complacent or passive for Unit 1 of the course, entitled “Performing Space; Live”. One hundred balls of wool, donated by the killing of all innocent people”. about extremism”. This position is Patons were strung across buildings in Portugal Place last Saturday. Ayaka Suzuki and Mike The Federation of Student Islamic being fully supported by the Taylor used balloons to explore the possibilities of “adapting the climate and the public audience Societies (FOSIS), to which ISOC is University of Cambridge. into a ‘flexible surface’” (bottom). Photos by Alexandra Constantinides and Ayaka Suzuki FEATURES MUSIC INTERVIEWS ARTS & Digital Culture: Hot Chip on Griff Rhys FEATURES WebCameron being the Jones after to Skype hot ticket Architecture »PAGE 14 »PAGE 28 »PAGE 19

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Write for Varsity News: Newsdesk Meet 5.30pm Sundays in the Downing College Bar In Brief »Extensive University reading resources remain off-limits to local residents Cambridge Town library drugs bust Police in riot gear raided four homes in the village of Cambourne near closure leaves Cambridge, on Wednesday 18, as part of a large drugs bust. More than 50 police officers and dogs were involved readers unpaged in the raid, leaving Cambridge in a convoy of 15 vehicles at 6.45am. It is not known what quantities of drugs were seized, but police did remove a Road libraries and the availability of samurai sword from one of the proper- KANIKA BHATIA free internet facilities.” ties. A neighbour said: “This is quite a Central Library’s collections are nice area but some of the people who The announcement this week of the being transferred to other libraries live around here have a bad name with forthcoming closure of the Central within a few miles radius of the town the police”. John Walker Library in the Lion Yard has left local centre, such as Milton Road Library residents without direct access to any and Bar Hill Library. It is hoped that library in the city centre. While for the famous Cambridgeshire Botham walks Cambridge is home to 60 departmen- Collection, an archive of memorabilia tal libraries, 30 college libraries and from the county of Cambridgeshire for charity the University Library, these institu- and Isle of Ely, is to move to a new Cricketing legend Ian Botham took tions are highly restrictive in their part in a charity walk around entry policies. Cambridge for the charities The library will be closing in The UL ... does Leukaemia Research and Teenage January 2007 for a year to 18 months, “ Cancer Trust on Monday 15. The for an estimated £7.5 million refur- not currently sports star, known to many as bishment programme. The refurbish- Cambridge Central Library in the Lion Yard EMILY WRIGHT “Beefy”, walked over 10 miles on a cir- ment proposes to improve stock, serv- allow the public cular route around the city. He was ices and IT provisions, as well as mak- The University Library on West Services at the University Library, joined by fellow cricketer and former ing it a more attractive and comfort- to access its Road, one of only six copyright told Varsity, “There will be no change England Test Captain Nasser able environment in which to work. In libraries in the British Isles, does not to the general public not being able to Hussain, as well as Jeffrey Archer and the meantime, other Cambridge resources” currently allow the public to access its borrow books”. He added, “We will do Alistair Campbell. Botham’s event County Council libraries are extend- resources unless they are accompa- our best to accommodate referrals was part of a series of walks in 17 ing their hours to late evenings and nied by a university member. Only vis- from Central Library of those with cities over nine days. William Percy weekends in order to accommodate iting scholars, with a letter of intro- serious research needs. However, our the users of the Central Library. duction from an academic or profes- need to serve the university comes A Council spokesperson said, sional, are exempt. Other people may first, and we are currently in discus- Darwin digital “Milton Road Library will be doubling Historical Resource and Cultural only enter the library as visitors to sion with Central Library about how their hours including opening on Centre being built near the railway any exhibitions that may be running. to take care of the community during evolution Sundays during this time. There will station. It is uncertain, however, The same rule applies to college this period”. The complete works of Charles also be a 50 per cent increase in the whether this work will be complete by libraries. Darwin, totalling 50,000 pages, were opening of Rock Road and Milton the time the library reopens. Mr Tony Harper, Head of Reader www.lib.cam.ac.uk made available online yesterday. The Cambridge-financed project, the first of its kind, also incorporates mp3 files. Users can download audio ver- Rolf Harris: Filming at Pembroke House prices on the rise sions of works such as The Origin Of Species to listen to on CD or mp3. Dr Estate agents say that while there John van Whye, the project’s direc- CAT MOSS are few houses available for private tor, said: “The idea is to make these rent, the number of students who works as accessible as possible. Some House prices in Cambridge have approach them remains constant. The people can only get at Darwin that soared by 13 per cent in the last year, University Accommodation Service way”. He added, “There’s no reason creating problems for students and can help, whilst Homerton is current- why, if you can search and read the University staff seeking accommoda- ly providing students with more text, you shouldn’t be able to down- tion in the area. Fionnaula Earley, an rooms. Yet the need for a long term load and listen to it as well”. economist who compiled a nationwide solution remains. CUSU President Douglas Bailey report on the issue, explained that Mark Ferguson commented, “As more “the reputation and success of colleges tie in their room rents to the Cambridge University has led to a big market level, the rising cost of Hawking’s increase in business opportunities in Cambridge accommodation is some- the region, particularly in biotechnol- thing of which we should all be aware". showbiz debut ogy”. Cambridge is now one of the A scheme of development that Professor Stephen Hawking is to star most sought-after cities in the UK, would create 2000 homes for students in “Beyond the Horizon”, a film that but it also has the smallest housing and a similar number for University will address some of his most daunting stock in the country. High demand has staff has been proposed for the theories, including the cause of the Big led to a boom in house prices. Madingley Road and Huntingdon Bang. The film will use advanced com- The shortage of houses is a major Road area, but it is still only in the puter graphics, with Hawking narrat- problem for students not living in col- early stages of consultation. ing the soundtrack, and will be lege-owned accommodation. brought to life in three-dimensional Homerton, for example, does not Imax cinema. NASA scientists and guarantee rooms for second year stu- former Star Trek script writer dents, while graduate and mature stu- Leonard Mlodinow are working with dents often do not want to live in col- Hawking on the production. lege. With members of Anglia Ruskin Alice Whitwham University also needing somewhere to live, finding houses near the city centre can prove difficult. Given the Anti-gay fiercely competitive present situation, one student at Homerton described Christian course the search for a reasonable rent prices A campaign against campus-based as “a complete nightmare” evangelical course “PURE” has been Many Homerton students live in launched by students nationwide nine-bedroom houses with communal through social networking site facilities on Bateman Street, off Facebook. The course has been criti- Trumpington Street. The price of a cised for encouraging gay students to room ranges from £325 to £375 per suppress their homosexuality, as well month, including bills. Students are as recommending homophobic litera- by contract obliged to pay rent annu- ture. Protest group “Stop PURE” has MARY BOWERS ally, and therefore lose the benefit of more than 1500 members and aims to The Varsity cameras catch Rolf Harris on a break from filming in having only termly accommodation prevent the course from running at Pembroke. The “most recognised painter in Britain” was interviewing charges. In addition to the high cost of universities. Jo Trigg ex-Pembrokian Bill Oddie for his new TV Series Celebrity Portraits. living out of college, many landlords refuse to let to students. Local housing market EMILY WRIGHT

varsity.co.uk/news | 20.10.06 3

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] “Bleak Convicted murderer makes future” for successful dash for freedom Maggie’s »Suffolk police warn public not to approach dangerous criminal children which the Home Office classifies as being for “prisoners who can’t be trust- »Simon Allen ed in open conditions but who are unlikely to try to escape”. Neither examines why Highpoint Prison, the Prison Service, or Suffolk Constabulary, who are deal- On October 10 Conservative think- ing with the case, were prepared to tank Policy Exchange released a comment on why a criminal such as report forecasting a bleak future for Ryder had been placed in a Category C the generation born between 1980 prison. and 1994. We so-called “Maggie’s A spokesperson for the Prison Children”, born in the “Thatcher Service refused to discuss why the pris- Era”, are apparently extremely oner had been granted permission for unlucky when compared to the situ- the excursion, but told Varsity that ation into which the “baby boomer” Ryder’s case was not being “classed as generation of the 1950s were born. an escape”. Rather, she explained that Rising student debt, spiralling house “he failed to return from an escorted prices and poor pension provisions in absence”. She added that the purpose of addition to increased family break- escorted absences is to “re-familiarise down seem to ensure our generation the prisoner with the community” as will “reach life with far fewer finan- part of a rehabilitation programme. cial and social assets”, according to Prison Service resources are currently Roger Gough, the think-tank’s being invested in this rehabilitation research director. scheme, its purpose being “the preven- So why is it that we are predicted tion of escapes”. An internal enquiry in growing numbers to die poor and concerning Ryder’s escape is now tak- alone? We face a situation in the ing place. near future of a “greying” popula- The “Help Us Find” section of the tion who, when they reach retire- Suffolk Constabulary website, which ment, will need to be supported. lists wanted criminals, does not cur- Our parents’ generation did not rently feature Mark Ryder; the have this problem of ever- Constabulary has confirmed that it has increasing longevity. no intention to do so. This all seems very depressing, The Debenhams’ cafe where Ryder lost his minders in a crowd at 2.55pm on Thursday 12 EMILY WRIGHT Shoppers outside the Grafton Centre but are there any ways to avoid such expressed deep concern at the escape. a situation from occurring? The for car theft, Ryder had escaped from over a year, the Prison Service One 54 year-old told Varsity, “It’s ludi- report suggests changing retire- NIKKI BURTON prison escorts some thirteen years ago approved Ryder’s application for crous that a prisoner’s rights to a shop- whilst on a prison-organised boat trip. ping trip can override the public’s right A convicted murderer escaped his He evaded the police for over a year, to safety”. Another laid the blame at “predicted in prison minders whilst on a day trip to starting a new life in the New Forest “murdered... his least in part with the Prison Service, the Grafton Centre on Thursday, with his girlfriend and her child. He arguing “the person who consented to growing October 12. Mark Ryder, who had was recaptured when he murdered girlfriend’s his shopping excursion should be held served twelve years of a life sentence father of two Stuart McCue, a child- equally responsible with the minders numbers to die at Highpoint Prison in Suffolk, was hood friend who was also his girl- former lover themselves”. escorted to the shopping centre by min- friend’s former lover, with a sawn-off Suffolk Police have warned anyone poor and alone” ders, but managed to lose them in the shotgun. The pair fell out when Ryder with a sawn-off who sees Ryder not to approach him, crowded Debenhams’ cafe. CCTV started a relationship with the mother but to contact police immediately. He is footage shows Ryder, 37, dodging cus- of one of McCue’s children. When shotgun” a caucasian male, five feet five inches tomers and running down the escalator, McCue, who was also serving a sen- tall, with shaved brown hair which is before exiting the store into the shop- tence at the same prison as Ryder, was greying at the sides and cropped on ping centre at around 2.30pm. The released from jail in May 1993, Ryder top. He also has a faded tattoo of a ment age and making voluntary care Grafton Centre declined to comment on hunted him down. Ryder was sen- cross on his forehead. He was last seen of the elderly more attractive. his subsequent movements. He has not tenced in October 1994, then aged 25. wearing a light blue, long-sleeved Grandparents should, apparently, been seen since. Despite having committed murder, “escorted absence” last week. Lonsdale sweatshirt, blue jeans, and invest in Lifetime Saving Accounts Initially sentenced to imprisonment and escaping and evading custody for Highpoint is a Category C prison, white trainers. for their children’s offspring. Hardly the sort of profound advice to redress a generation of bad luck. Yet is it fair to blame our current situation entirely on Maggie and her Cannabis increases risk of psychosis regime? Would it not be fairer to say that much of our current situation children aged 10 to 11, who treble academic failure, loss of social or job and central nervous systems are still came about after the Iron Lady’s FLORENCE LUI their risk of schizophrenia by smoking opportunities, and crime.” developing, and cannabis impacts that; downfall? Both economically and “skunk”. But Jones warned against Lucas Oliver, a Community Support it can alter the chemistry of a delicate socially a lot has happened in the last The dangers of high potency “skunk” oversimplifying the statistics, “No one Worker in the Cambridgeshire Drug system, and can lead to serious psycho- twelve years: maybe “Tony’s cannabis have been highlighted by is quite sure what the cause or effect and Alcohol Action Team (DAAT), logical illness.” Teenagers” is just as apt. For one, Cambridge Professor Peter Jones in a is.” he argued. “It’s a complex associa- which enacts the National Drug These warnings were echoed by interest rates and inflation have Conservative party report published tion—cannabis may be used to med- Strategy on a local level, said he has Brendan Morrell, manager of Bridge remained low, and Labour has cer- last week. The report implicitly criti- icate mental illness. However, it is personally witnessed the effects that Project, a confidential service for tainly added to the student debt cised the drug’s downgrading from class certainly a factor. The risk of schizo- cannabis use has on mental health. He drug users. He told Varsity, “If you problem by encouraging increased B to class C in January 2004, which has phrenia is one per cent, but you might stated, “As a service, we’ve both seen have a family history of mental ill- levels of higher education. Perhaps a meant that individuals are not arrested increase it to three or four per cent and heard of it. Teenagers are very vul- ness, cannabis smoking would not be different question should be posed? for possessing small amounts intended with cannabis use.” nerable up to the age of 25. The brain advisable”. Surely Thatcher’s student loans for personal use. This criticism comes in Jones also said that emerging helped a great number of people bet- spite of a report by the British Crime research on the genetic disposition for ter their economic and social situa- Survey, released last weekend, showing psychosis linked to drug use were tion through a decrease in the use of cannabis. promising. He argued, “With cannabis, increased employa- Whereas 10.3 per cent of 16 to 59 year if a young person uses it and gets para- bility and wage olds used the drug in 1998, this figure noid it is probably a sign that it is dan- potential? I would decreased to 8.7 per cent in 2005-2006. gerous. It may well be that there is an hope here that our Professor Peter Jones, head of the important genetic part to that vulnera- university degrees Department of Psychiatry, found that bility.” But he was careful to stress the worth exceeded the 80 per cent of patients suffering from wider implications of cannabis use, say- debt incurred whilst first-episode psychosis were heavy ing “There is no doubt that it is a prob- achieving it. users of cannabis and other drugs. He lematic substance. Schizophrenia is rare said the risk was even more acute for in comparison to other concerns, such as A student takes a drag on a roll-up EMILY WRIGHT C

THINKING TIME…

…IN THE BATH?

Open Presentation Wednesday 25th October – 7pm Kettle’s Yard Castle Street Cambridge

No matter where you happen to be thinking about your future, think OC&C. Come along to find out about careers and internships with OC&C, and to chat to current members of our team. Deadline approaching! Don’t forget to send your application by 22 October 2006 for the OC&C International Strategy Workshop in Istanbul! See www.weknowyoucan.com for more information. For more information about careers, internships and other opportunities visit www.occstrategy.com or email [email protected]

Clear Thinking Clear Difference varsity.co.uk/news | 20.10.06 5

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Pembroke House on fire

thanks to a swift evacuation that TOM EVANS nobody was hurt. Local residents reported seeing smoke billow out from Plommer House, a college accommo- under the roof of the house, before dation block in Selwyn Gardens, was three fire engines arrived on the left with an ashen kitchen and sub- scene. The fire was put out using a stantial smoke damage following a CO2 extinguisher that was already on blaze attributed to an electrical fault the premises. Jesus in an extractor fan. The fire, which started at 8.15pm on Saturday 14, Pembroke Senior Bursar, Mr Chris Caesarians smashed remained confined to the room in on Malcolm Street which it began and was put out with the aid of breathing apparatus after attributed to an After a “quiet dinner out” at the Old the arrival of the fire brigade. The “ Orleans restaurant last Sunday, the next morning, the only sign that a fire electrical fault in Jesus Caesarians were spotted on a had taken place was the blackened pub crawl, during which they got so tiles on the roof and the fire escape an extractor fan inebriated that members of the socie- signs glowing through the windows. ” ty prodeeded to smash up glass bot- The rooms are provided for gradu- tles on Malcolm Street. One received a ates at Pembroke College. It was only nasty cut to his face as a result of a fall, whilst others had to be carried home.

Blenco, commented that the college and fire services were in the process of deciding whether similar appliances to Sidney Street the one that combusted should be replaced. When questioned about gas and electricity checks at Plommer House, Blenco said that the college Cambridge Fire Service arrive on the scene ELIZABETH OWENS abided by all legal requirements, and that a survey of the house’s electrical most colleges told Varsity that they tioned that fire alarms had often been system had been made earlier this had not had any fires. Many refused to set off by burning food or toast, but year. He also wished to thank the divulge the relevant information. there had been no occasions of actual building’s residents for their level- King’s College is said to have one of fires. Nevertheless, a spokesperson headed reaction to the situation. the most rigorous fire safety policies; from Cambridge Fire Service There have been no other fires in those wishing to use college rehearsal stressed that on hearing a fire alarm, Pembroke buildings over the last year. space are required to watch a video of people should evacuate the building Of the 18 Cambridge colleges avail- the Bradford Fire so that they under- immediately and without exception, able for comment on recent fires, five stand the need for a comprehensive regardless of whether they suspect it had suffered one or more in college safety programme. to be a false alarm. Selwyn Gardens EMILY WRIGHT buildings during the last year. While Several colleges in the survey men- Cambridge don leads One Cambridge Spy was star- primary school review struck on her way to Sainsbury’s on Wednesday afternoon: the sight work of national experts in the field. of the “boy band good looks” of pop ELLIOTT ROSS Preliminary findings will be pub- act Fightstar signing in Cult lished in the spring of next year, with Clothing left her “all of a flutter”. Professor Robin Alexander, a Fellow the final report scheduled for publica- of Wolfson College, has been appoint- tion in 2008. ed the director of the first major Professor Alexander brings a review of primary education since the wealth of experience to the role. He is Engineering Department Plowden Report of 1967. As well as an Emeritus Professor at the rating the current system’s perform- Uniersity of Warwick, has served as Police: any balaclavas ance, the Primary Review will an advisor on education to both around here, mate? attempt to anticipate how primary Conservative and Labour govern- schools should respond to future chal- ments, and was one of the “three wise Engaged in a harmless perambulation lenges and assess the impact of the men” who gave their name to the down Trumpington Street in the early manifold government initiatives of the 1992 enquiry into primary teaching. hours of Thursday morning, another last 20 years. He claimed “This, most In 2002 he published an academically spy was alarmed to see police and snif- emphatically, isn’t just another educa- fer dogs entering the Engineering tion initiative”. Department. Our spy was interrogat- The study will be based at the This... isn’t just ed by a burly copper, who demanded University’s Faculty of Education “ “have you seen any men in balaclavas employing 60 research consultants another educa- around here?” The incident was later from around the country, as well as an confirmed to be an attempted break-in. Advisory Committee of 20, chaired by tion initiative Dame Gillian Pugh. Pugh said she was ” “delighted” with her role, criticising the lack of recent national debate on The Union primary educational issues. As an independent investigation, the review Shut up and go home will be supported by the Esmée acclaimed comparative analysis of at the Union Fairbairn Foundation. Director of the primary education in England, Foundation Dawn Austwick France, India, Russia and the United Doormen at the Union’s new club expressed her belief that “this review States entitled Culture and night “Shut up and dance” were last will open up profound questions about Pedagogy. Alexander explained how Friday forced to eject a group of what primary education is for and how “in many quarters optimism about underage revellers. The youngsters, we can best deliver it”. the opportunities created by recent from Cambridge Arts and Sciences The Primary Review hopes to be social and educational advances is (CATS), who rent parts of the debat- an open forum, accepting written con- tempered by a deep anxiety about ing society’s building, were sussed out tributions through its website. what lies ahead for today’s children”, when they failed to produce any form Further evidence will be gathered promising to ask important ques- of ID. Some of those who did make it through oral consultations with tions “without fear or favour”. past the door somehow found their teachers, parents and children, sys- way into the society’s snooker room, tematic searches of national and www.primaryreview.org.uk photographed themselves prostrated international data, and published on the velvet in a debauched manner.

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Write for Varsity News: Newsdesk Meet 5.30pm Sundays in the Downing College Bar Sidney Sussex ejects arms trade protestors

that a centralised policy was not pos- GRACE CAPEL sible as “the University is unable to dictate to colleges how they invest Students protesting against their funds”. Currently only two Cambridge’s investment in the arms Cambridge colleges, Selwyn and St trade were “thrown out” of Sidney Catharine’s, have socially responsible Sussex College on Tuesday by investment policies, which require Domestic Bursar Colin Britton. The them not to invest in companies trad- protesters, who wished to target stu- ing arms. Varsity asked the Rolls dents attending a Cambridge Futures Royce representative whether event by Rolls Royce at the college, investment in Rolls Royce could be were displaying posters and handing considered socially responsible. He out flyers when they were told they responded, “I don’t see why not”. were required to leave. Speaking to Sidney Sussex Green Officer Joe Varsity, Mr Britton said “They were Casey said, “The Socially Responsible causing a nuisance and creating a Investment Campaign is about to get potential health and safety risk”. off the ground in Cambridge”. During Peter Waddell, College Chaplain told the next CUSU Council, Hamish Varsity that although he had “sympa- Falconer will propose a motion pre- thy with the aims of the demonstra- venting Cambridge colleges from tion”, the Domestic Bursar was investing in named companies includ- “entirely within his rights”. ing Rolls Royce which, through their The flyer handed out by members business, are perpetuating the geno- of Cambridge Students against the cide in Sudan. Arms Trade (CSAAT) names Rolls Junior Organ Scholar Oliver Sullivan demonstrates the new organ pipes at Trinty Hall MICHAEL DERRINGER Royce as one of four “major arms companies in which Cambridge col- leges have substantial investments”. Trinity Hall millionaire When asked by Varsity to respond to the flyer, a Rolls Royce representa- tive at the event was emphatic that funds brand new organ “Rolls Royce does not make arms” and so “is not an arms company”. past organ scholars to perform in the CSAAT point out that combat air- GEORGE GRIST college, and perhaps even a series of craft with Rolls Royce engines such celebrity recitals, which Baker is in as the BAE Systems Hawk Jet have A new pipe organ, designed by the process of organising. been “exported to countries with a acclaimed Danish builder Carsten The new organ was funded by history of ongoing genocide or poor Lund, and worth around £350,000, has Dennis Avery, Trinity Hall's greatest human rights records”. The aim of been installed in Trinity Hall Chapel. living benefactor, who has recently their protest, they said, was to The inaugural service, held on Sunday donated an undisclosed a seven figure “inform other students” of these facts October 15, involved the blessing of sum to the college. In addition to the and ultimately to “end Cambridge the organ by Rt Revd Graham James, new organ, this generous donation will University’s support for the arms the Bishop of Norwich, followed by contribute to the college's new trade”. CUSU, the CU Labour Club the performance of a specially com- Wychfield Site accommodation, con- and People and Planet Cambridge, all missioned piece by Canadian organist sisting of 155 new en suite rooms, as of which call on the University to and composer Julian Revie and an well as to two fellowships. The first, adopt a policy of ethical investment, anthem for choir and organ by Trinity the Robert Runcie Fellowship, gov- support CSAAT in this campaign. Hall's Director of Music Richard erns the position of the Dean and costs Several UK universities such as Baker. incurred by the chapel; the second is in Edinburgh and Leeds have recently Baker described the organ as "world Mathematics. adopted centralised Socially class”, adding that it will “be invalu- In recognition of Avery's continued Responsible Investment Plans in able for both teaching and practice". generosity, Trinity Hall's South Court response to student pressure. A The replacement opens up the oppor- was renamed Avery Court in a cere- Cambridge Spokesperson explained CSAAT protestors JIMMY APPLETON tunity for tempting back a number of mony held last Sunday. The newly named Avery Court CUP invests in Indian publishing house and elsewhere.” Bourne added that it India banner, titles will also be pub- KATHARINE HAIGH was “an attractive proposal for us and lished under the name of Foundation we want a piece of the market”. Books. In a bid to cash in on the rapidly grow- The Indian acquisition will add a The new venture will be the exclu- ing Indian market for educational sive distributor for CUP in the sub- publications in English, Cambridge continent and will focus on publishing University Press (CUP) has acquired publishing both local authors and “subjects which a 51 per cent stake in Indian publish- “ have a direct bearing on the Indian ing house Foundation Books. An quality educa- reader”. Bourne emphasised that such investment of $6 million, it is the first a venture would benefit Indians, step in CUP’s long-term aim of tional materials enabling the publication of a wider becoming the leading publishers in range of books “at affordable prices”. the Indian and South Asian market. for many coun- With the world’s second largest CUP chief executive and president population, of which 40 per cent are of the new entity, Stephen Bourne, tries in Asia” under 15 years of age, and a strong told reporters that it has been cultural focus on education, the renamed Cambridge University demand for English language publica- Press India Private Limited. After tions in India is considerable. CUP announcing the opening of a new has entered the market in time to office and showroom of CUP India at benefit from India’s rising economic Kolkata, he stated, “CUP India further 20 per cent to the number of status, but Oxford University Press Private Limited will become a base titles published by CUP this year, remains a strong rival competitor for for publishing quality educational bringing the total up to 2,500. As well dominance on the sub-continent. materials for many countries in Asia as bringing out books under the CUP CUP’s Pitt Building on Trumpington Street MICHAEL DERRINGER

varsity.co.uk/news | 20.10.06 7

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Confessions Prisoner of conscience dies of a punt imprisonment and suffered from cere- ALICE WHITWHAM bral malaria. By 2005, it was reported sinker that he was unable to walk unassisted. On Monday October 16, Ko Thet Win Thet Win Aung had protested against » Date: 19 Oct 2006 10:48:02 Aung died in prison aged 34. For the the lack of adequate medical treatment Varsity receives an e-mail past two years, Cambridge University and poor detention conditions by going from an anonymous King’s Amnesty International (CUAI) have on a hunger strike in 2002. The situa- puntsman... been campaigning to draw attention to tion deteriorated in 2006 after his case. Thet Win Aung was impris- Burmese authorities suspended prison On Thursday October 12 between 12 oned in 1998 in Burma for organising visits by the International Committee and 14 first years at King’s, whilst cel- of the Red Cross (ICRC). Amnesty ebrating one of their number's birth- has called for an immediate and inde- day, decided it would be a good idea to was imprisoned pendent investigation into the causes hire a punt. By way of "warming up" a “ of Thet Win Aung’s death, and insisted quantity of alcohol was purchased and for peaceful that the State Peace and Development consumed. The group stumbled to the Council (SPDC) takes urgent steps to Porters’ Lodge at around 10:15pm. protesting protect the health of all prisoners. With very little fuss a single punt was ” Hamish Falconer, CUAI Chair, secured for one hour only. commented “Thet Win Aung was a It was very dark by the river. The student activist whose ultimate CUAI’s cage protest outside King’s College last weekend AMNESTY punt was already a little damp. One by demise in prison was a result of his one the group eased themselves into repeated efforts to call for freedom the punt. A few of the more conserva- student demonstrations, which called and democracy in Burma, an authori- Thet Win Aung: A Life tive members decided that "maybe for educational improvements and the tarian military dictatorship. His death punting wasn’t such a good idea after release of political prisoners. is a tragic reminder of the failure of • 1988: As a high school student, all" and remained on the shore. The As part of their campaign strategy, the international community to prop- he takes part in protests against rest, sitting wherever there was CUAI runs a cage event each term. erly engage with Burma. The deaths the government. space: on the back and sides of the Volunteers offer to sit in the cage for a and oppression of political peoples in punt, unlocked the vessel and pushed couple of hours, while others encour- Burma cannot continue.” • 1991: Tortured and imprisoned out into the Cam. age passers-by to sign a big calico peti- CUAI campaigns as part of the for nine months. Immediately the punt took on tion. One volunteer commented, world’s largest human rights organisa- water. The stern dipped beneath the “When you consider that Thet Win tion to raise awareness of human • 1994: Under threat of arrest, surface. The group pleaded with the Aung was imprisoned for peaceful rights to students. It runs campaigns he goes into hiding. oarsman to turn back, instead she protesting, doing nothing more than that aim to stand up for people unjust- what we were last weekend, it makes ly persecuted and to end specific • 1999: Sentenced to 52 years’ it more important than ever for stu- human rights abuses. In 2006, CUAI imprisonment, extended to 59 “the group dents to fight for human rights”. campaigned against violence to years after subsequent interro- Amnesty International believes that women, and in 2005 for the control of gation. pleaded with the he had been tortured during his arms and the prevention of terrorism. Ko Thet Win Aung AMNESTY oarsman to turn Hopes of reopening Varsity railway back” revived forty years down the line pushed the punt further into the river, equidistant from both shores. Then she fell in. Quietly and without fuss. In ago. The Department of Transport reopened line, on the premise that restoring existing track. fact I'm not sure many people even REBECCA LESTER has previously been unable to meet buyers will be willing to pay a The last train between Oxford and realised. The punt continued to take the cost of restoring tracks and premium for a home with good rail Cambridge, a route dubbed “‘The on water, faster and faster. Attempts A proposal from housing developers rebuilding stations along this route. connections. Varsity Line”, ran on New Year’s to balance the craft confused matters has revived hopes of reopening the But now developers have offered to Local authorities are planning to Eve, 1967. At the moment, it takes and sickeningly it dawned on us that railway line between Oxford and raise funds by paying a £10,000 “roof- open the line in stages, beginning with approximately three hours to travel we were ruined. "I was absolutely pos- Cambridge, closed almost 40 years tax” on each house built near to the the eastern section. Phyllis Starkey, between the two cities, and costs from itive we wouldn't sink", said one pas- MP for Milton Keynes SW, an area in £35.70. Reopening the line would senger, "I simply couldn't imagine it close proximity to the line, supports halve this travel time and reduce traf- happening, and then it did". the campaign. Starkey told Varsity fic congestion in the expanding areas The group now abondoned ship. that “things are moving in the right along the old rail corridor. Being in the very middle of the river direction”. Capital raised from the While a guard at Cambridge sta- passengers flung themselves from “roof-tax” on new houses would cover tion commented that a lack of politi- both sides of the punt. Swimming the cost of reinstating the section cal will makes chances of restoring fully clothed to the shore and making between Oxford and Bletchley. the route slim, Starkey is optimistic use of the rather handy step built Starkey said “The strategy is to get that the line linking the two cities into the riverside, we lay panting the line open in bits in order to create could be open “within the next 15 and soaked on the grass. The punt pressure to reopen the whole thing”. years”. Network Rail also supports was lost. Although most of the track is still in the proposals, and has stated that it The group, I am delighted to place, there is a 12-mile gap of housing would be keen to incorporate the report, reconvened in King’s Cellar near Cambridge. To fill this, the line restored line into the national net- Bar some 15 minutes later and contin- would have to be re-routed from its work. A spokesperson said “If there ued the celebrations at the Kambar. original course, which would be is the funding, then our view is - let’s The upper corridors of the Keynes The last train to Cambridge pulls out of Glemsford in 1967 “hugely more expensive” than simply build it.” Building still smell of river water. Cross Campus Oxford conceals Newcastle goes Oxford’s black Bulb-boiled eggs Gay flasher at lab names Fairtrade admissions hole at Bournemouth Leeds Oxford University has been granted a Newcastle University and its An investigation by Oxford’s Cherwell A Bournemouth University student The happy innocence of starting uni- temporary Court Order forbidding Students’ Union have been granted has discovered that the niversity is has invented a way of boiling an egg versity was ruined last week for a the publication of details referring to Fairtrade status by the Fairtrade failing to attract black students, over without water. Simon Rhymes, 23, Leed’s fresher, after he was flashed in the contractor of the University’s new Foundation. The award can be given 100 years after the first Afro- conceived the idea of the Bulbed Egg a nightclub. The student was in the animal research laboratory. The order to academic institutions which stock Caribbean students matriculated. 0.7 Maker (BEM), which can soft-boil an bathroom when a man approached and was granted in response to a campaign the ethically traded foods in all their per cent of Oxford students are of egg in six minutes using four high asked if he “needed anything”, before by animal rights group SPEAK to campus shops and serve fairtrade black origin compared to 6.35 per cent powered halogen lightbulbs, while undoing his flies. The victim said publish the names and addresses of foods at all university meetings. nationally. Unlike Cambridge, Oxford studying Project Design at the univer- “There was a terrible mix-up. I didn’t those involved with animal research. Geobars in batter, anyone? lacks a centralised access initiative. sity. The design has been patented. want drugs and I don’t like boys.” It’s Lehman Brothers...

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© 2006 Lehman Brothers Inc. All Rights Reserved. Member SIPC. Lehman Brothers International (Europe), authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority, is an affiliate of Lehman Brothers Inc. varsity.co.uk/news | 20.10.06 9 News Analysis Exploring wheelchair access in Cambridge Geography Dept: Impossible

students (the 1995 Disability TOM PARRY-JONES & Discrimination Act legislates equal JO TRIGG access to education) but adapted facili- ties are a major factor in the choice. With its ancient cloisters and winding Most provide specially-adapted rooms staircases, many would not expect for physically disabled undergradu- Cambridge to be particularly wheel- ates, but there can be trouble getting chair-friendly. Yet despite this, the to even the most basic facilities. In six NUS calls disability access an “antici- town colleges there is no wheelchair patory duty”. To investigate whether access to the Porters’ Lodge. At such contradictions are indicative of a Homerton, however, “every building is wider problem, Varsity has this week accessible” according to Estate examined the state of wheelchair Manager Keith Waters. access in Cambridge. On paper, studying in Cambridge In Stephen Hawking, Cambridge can seem like a minefield for wheel- has one of the most famous wheelchair chair users. But, speaking to current users in Britain. Away from the world undergraduates, Varsity discovered of celebrity, things differ. Varsity that the reality is more positive. Round Church St: Close Shave spoke to a wheelchair using prospec- James, a first year law student at Department of Architecture proves out of bounds EMILY WRIGHT tive student who found that upon visit- Downing, said that whilst his use of an ing Hawking’s college, Gonville and electric wheelchair and zimmer frame the colleges were to adapt. He praised for a fire exit because of the cost, even Caius, tutorial staff were unaccommo- “affected my choice of college in a very his college, which provides ramps to though the Fire Safety Officer had dating and dismissed his questions big way”. Yet the major factor was many areas, including the bar and specifically recommended them. with an attitude he described as “we’ll apparently “attitude”, and how willing library. James told Varsity that Simone was also positive about change if you get here”. Despite this, “they’re very responsive” if any access around town, although ramps at the University’s Disability Resource changes need making, the mainte- the Union and Lion Yard are “too Centre (DRC) provides advice for nance department carry out alter- steep to be used unaided”. She also prospective and current students with ations by the next day and staff are highlighted a “bad experience” at Soul disabilities, ranging from permanent “always willing to think up ways” of Tree. Despite promises upon her first physical and unseen disabilities, to spe- dealing with problems. visit that the club’s lift would be cific learning difficulties. They aim to The modern Law Faculty building is repaired, it remained broken when she “increase the confidence” of those highly accessible. Across the returned two months later and staff interested in studying at Cambridge. 24 University, James described a “grad- treated her with “contempt”. Yet for potential applicants in wheel- the number of ual change” that is making a “reason- Access may be improving, but there chairs, the guide can prove intimidat- ably good compromise” between is a lot more to be done. The NUS’ ing reading. It lists only seven of the 31 college libraries access and the constraints posed by Students with Disabilities campaign is college libraries as being fully wheel- budgets and listed buildings. adamant that universities can’t “wait chair-accessible, and describes a highly not fully The experience in town varies, with for a disabled person to complain”. But ADC Theatre: Easy Access variable provision in faculty buildings. major chains like Sainsbury’s and James argued that “it takes somebody Whilst departments like English, accessible by Wetherspoon’s providing good access with a permanent disability to change Computer Science and Music provide and smaller shops often willing to help things”. Luke Pickering, CUSU superb access facilities, with level wheelchair if you park outside. Cambridge clubs Access Officer, acknowledged the floors, lifts, no heavy doors and adapt- also deserve credit: Fez Club offers a “unfortunate” difficulty Cambridge ed toilets, many major departments lift, while bouncers at Ballare are will- faces as a result of the age of some of are largely inaccessible. The ing to help with the stairs. James gave the buildings, a point underlined by the Department of Geography has, for particular praise to the ADC theatre fact that the CUSU offices are com- example, a large flight of stairs and for providing wheelchair access not pletely inaccessible and the position of heavy entrance doors, with no alterna- only to the auditorium and bar but also Students with Disabilities Officer at tive access points. One student using to the lighting and sound box. CUSU remains vacant. Judith Jesky crutches reported severe difficulties Simone, a second year SPS student at the DRC, admitted “Everyone is co- getting into the building; for wheel- at New Hall, is similarly pleased with operative with the DRC but not chair users, it is completely impracti- 6 her Cambridge experience. She uses a always as readily as they should be”. cal. The Department of Architecture town college car and manual wheelchair to get The DRC remains positive, explain- and History of Art is similarly impossi- around and found that the college was ing, “All colleges are doing an enor- ble to enter. The DRC Guide describes porters’ lodges particularly helpful in obtaining a per- mous amount … access is increasing “steps and stairs everywhere”, whilst mit for University parking. The col- year on year”. Simone was equally the Department of Land Economy has completely lege building provides every facility clear that by coming to Cambridge as a “no ramps, lifts or disabled toilets”. she needs. Yet, in an isolated incident, wheelchair user, she hadn’t had to sac- All colleges offer places to disabled inaccessible the college refused to buy Evac chairs rifice her “independence”. CUSU Building: No Entry

Ah you sinful vessel. One can only hope that the fering. Although it seems that in children, learn ye arrival of the scent and personage this case, the people involved suf- now: nowhere were not connected... fered more than they've learned. does absolute And in a diocese in a land far far And in another corner an ex-shag power corrupt away it seems things are going of a certain notoriously hell-rais- How much of an ‘80s child are you more absolute- from bad to worse. The week two ing director was whinging about ly than freshers hangover proved a partic- being the only person in thesp- anyway? Cambridge. An ularly, ahem, testing time for cer- land not to receive a personalised a) As the Berlin Wall fell a piece of my heart went with it. encounter with a tain members of the community. invite to his latest offering. b) Thatcher wasn’t all that bad really. high-ranking student official Wrongly accusing two people of Although rumour has it they're c) Footless tights? Leggings I’ll have you know. brought with it an unexpected screwing each other is bad not the only prominent person d) I could never live without my iPod. smell... surprise turned to horror enough; wrongly accusing two who got blanked... » Poll results on page 37 as it seems that this suspected high-powered organisations of it, “incense” was more likely to have probably worse. Ah well, as the Send your confessions to Vote online at varsity.co.uk emanated from a herb than a holy Bible tells us - learn through suf- [email protected]

10 varsity.co.uk/comment | 20.10.06

Email: [email protected] Tel: 01223 353422 Email: [email protected] Editorial 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge. CB2 1QA Comment G N I D R A H L E H C A R : N O I T A

Keeping the Faith? R T S U

Varsity has, over the past fortnight, given extensive coverage of L L Richard Dawkins’ visit to Cambridge. However, for many in the I University, Dawkins’ atheist arguments and criticisms of scripture have proved inflammatory material. There are those who feel that intellectu- al thought cannot condemn and deconstruct faith, as faith constitutes the vital passage from uncertainty to understanding. A world where faith is absent and morality is the product of social pragmatism can stir up a sense of disgust at the lack of emotional involvement with taxing social and philosophical questions both in the devout worshipper and even the wavering agnostic. Dawkins’ intellectual popularity cannot simply be put down to the quality of his thought. His supporters enjoy his anti-religious argu- ments because he affirms them with such directness and enthusiasm, so much so that his position can appear to verge on religious intolerance. Intolerance has long been a dirty word in politics, synonymous with racism, but the threat of terrorism has led to a slight semantic shift. Similarly, the idea of multiculturalism has gone from being the grail of the truly diverse and democratic society to an experiment that increas- ing numbers of people are beginning to perceive as a failure. There are still those who see religion as the preserve of moral con- science. However on a less idealistic level, religion can precipitate vio- lence, and, less dramatically, isolate communities from each other - so much so that it can be seen to preserve the status quo simply because Luke people are too afraid of the consequences of offending another’s faith. A debt to society The leaked governmental report on Varsity’s front page has caused a Pickering backlash because it seems to blur the distinction between religious agi- Why I’ll never learn to love top-up tators and religious practitioners. Different interpretations of the fees demands of faith can co-exist within a religion, but the fact remains that the threat of terrorism (in any form, religious or otherwise) is linked to here really is noth- Secondly, top-up fees have cre- them. These concerns are belief. In some circumstances there could be a comparison drawn ing more annoying ated a marketplace for educa- already evident through my line between terrorism and the leap of faith; when conviction overrides than when “politics” tion. No longer will students of work as CUSU Access sober debate. Religion may be the foundation of our community, or it cloud a political choose their university purely Officer. The Access Shadowing may account for the instability of our diversifying social structure. issue. Important on location, the course or teach- Scheme application form asks arguments become ing. Instead more pragmatic cal- the question: ‘is there anything Tsubjugated to spin; issues are culations - such as which univer- that may stop you from applying Stands the clock at ten to three... overshadowed by personalities. sity are offering the best new to Cambridge?’. The vast num- Digital culture is alive and well and here to stay. Who would wish oth- Let us, instead, sidestep these deal – will enter into the equa- bers of answers which cite erwise? Networking websites, cheap global communications and needless deviations and concen- tion. The dubious honour of financial reasons are testament Hermes Webmail available at every twist and turn means that we type trate on one topic alone: why ‘most garish offer yet’ goes to to these problems. Lower- top-up fees shouldn’t be seen as the University of Gloucester income families may begin to more, talk more and learn more than ever before. You can count your the future for funding higher who offer a 20% discount if you decide that it doesn’t make friends thanks to the Facebook, talk to foreign friends thanks to Skype, education. pay the full cost of fees up-front. financial sense to send a son or and make Hot Chip your friends thanks to MySpace. But who are these To begin, top-up fees will have daughter to university to accrue ‘friends’? Thingsbegin to get a little uncertain when we’ve poked some- a detrimental effect on people debt when they could be earning one on the Facebook without ever actually having shaken their hand. from middle-income families. A “most a wage. Time is moving faster than ever before: the Facebook itself has been student whose residual house- disturbingly of Unfortunately, these funda- in common use for little more than a year, yet is now an institution. hold income amounts to £37,500 mental problems with top-up Much has changed since Rupert Brooke mused in Granchester, yet occa- will receive no grants from the all, Cambridge fees are already starting to be sionally we too should stand back, appreciate our beautiful city with University or government. borne out in the application Instead, they are entitled to a boasts that it process. Nationally, numbers friends of flesh and bone, and take time to muse on whether there is loan of meagre proportions - applying to university are down honey still for tea. £1,500 less than what the possesses the and there has been a decrease in University judges it costs to ‘working class’ applicants. The Independent Cambridge live in Cambridge. The student best bursary However, for once, some sort of Student Newspaper since 1947 would need to cover this deficit solution is available. The Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies with aid from their parents and scheme” National Demonstration Against to every Cambridge college and ARU weekly. Varsity is proud to be the holder of numerous student media will be placing themselves in Top-Up Fees takes place this awards and a vast number of alumni now working in international media. Varsity also publishes BlueSci over £7,000 worth of debt each year on October 29th with tick- magazine, The Mays, and an online edition at www.varsity.co.uk. year. Crippling debt is not the ets being sold in most colleges, Board of Directors: Dr. Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Mr Tim Harris, Mr Tim Moreton, Ms Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Mr Tom Walters, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Christopher Wright and Mr only problem of this system. It and all the information is on the Joseph Braidwood is naïve for the government to CUSU website. This is a chance assume all families - especially Students may even start to to show our dismay to the peo- Interim Editors Mary Bowers and Jonny Ensall [email protected] Associate Editor Was Yaqoob [email protected] Chief News Editors Joseph Gosden and Jamie Munk [email protected] large ones - with this level of calculate whether they will ple with the real power: Features Associate Editor Nathalie Woolman [email protected] Arts Associate Editor Rhiannon income would be willing to help receive their “money back” from Members of Parliament. Vice- Adam [email protected] Interviews Editor Tess Riley [email protected] Sports Editor Bobby fund a student’s education. Most a degree; in other words, Chancellors may choose to Friedman [email protected] Sports Associate Editor Sophie Pickford [email protected] disturbingly of all, Cambridge whether they’ll receive a suffi- ignore the existence of top-up Online Editor Joe Braidwood [email protected] Online Team Joe Osborne, Richard Zito, Stuart Tickner and Oran Kiazim [email protected] proudly boasts that it possesses cient increase in earnings to jus- fees in speeches or, even worse, News Editors Joanna Trigg, Alice Whitwham and Tom Parry-Jones [email protected] News Reporters the best bursary scheme. If the tify the debt they will place promote them. It is also likely Nikki Burton and John Walker Comment Editor Natalie Whitty [email protected] Discuss Editor best bursary scheme in the themselves in. On the face of it, that Vice-Chancellors will Catherine Hall [email protected] Science Editor Udayan Bhattacharya [email protected] Science country has so many flaws then this sounds sensible. However, charge the maximum amount Associate Editor Mico Tatalovic Food and Drink Editor Katie Craig [email protected] Restaurant Critics Martha Spurrier and Mathilda Imlah [email protected] Lifestyle Editors Saskia Payne and Carol we must not be so insular that the problem is that prospective they can under the legislation. Peacock [email protected] Fashion Editors Olivia Johnson and Rosanna Falconer we ignore problems in other uni- students won’t calculate the But their power to do so can be [email protected] Literature Editors Lucy McSherry and Andy Wimbush [email protected] versities – where the issues are undoubted societal benefit of curtailed by members of the Music Editors Freya Jonson Ross and Katy Wells [email protected] Theatre Editor Hermione Buckland-Hoby [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Jonny Yarker [email protected] Screen only more acute. education in aiding social mobili- House of the Commons, which is Editor Olly Riley-Smith [email protected] Classical James Drinkwater [email protected] Other flaws reside in the cur- ty and breaking down inequality. why it is so important that we Sub-editors and Design Nicholas Swetonham, Rebecca Grieg and Jessi Baker Features Design Kiera rent system. Firstly, a student The effect of top-up fees on pressurise them to act. Jamison [email protected] Photo Editors Emily Wright and Alexandra Constantinides graduating from university and applications from underrepre- Despite all this, it seems that [email protected] entering the charity sector is sented backgrounds is likely to Cambridge will retain its image Business Manager Adam Edelshain [email protected] Production and Chief Designer Michael Derringer [email protected] Technical Director Michael Derringer and Chris Wright technical- charged exactly the same be damaging. Lacking some of as an élitist university by send- [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] amount as a future investment the information avenues that ing a relatively small group of banker. Thus, if we are to see their public school counterparts protestors to the demonstration. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. and printed by Cambridge Newspapers Ltd. All copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. top-up fees as a tax on higher possess, students will make The reasons for this are obvious: No part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any education then it must be con- career decisions ignorant of heavy workloads, second- and means, without prior permission of the publisher. fined to the regressive taxation some of the financial aid - albeit third-year apathy for an issue © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2006. 11-12 Trumpington St., Cambridge CB2 1QA Tel: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 352913 bin - along with the poll tax. flawed - that is available to they do not believe affects them,

varsity.co.uk/comment | 20.10.06 11

Ethics Matthew Selling ourselves short Girl Richardson Establishing the Cambridge brand My own incontinent truth

n the canon of Cambridge anec- issue and Cambridge is on the back the millions of children visiting each develop a brand that the public can sometimes worry that I’m dotes one story embodies the foot. Some of the criticism is justi- year. But Cambridge is presented as support. Top American colleges are talking a lot of rubbish. university’s image problem. A fied: much of it is not. While Gordon some sort of cultural relic, as visitors aspirational brands paid for by hard Then I realise that I am Ifellow chances upon a bemused Brown’s intervention in the Laura are immersed in the intricacies of fan work. The ‘college sweater’ reflects a talking a lot of rubbish as tourist in Kings Parade: “How are Spence case betrayed a huge misun- vaulting and the ‘munificent benefac- wider society that values its institu- I discuss the ins and outs you enjoying your time here” he derstanding of the admissions tions’ of 15th century celebrities. tions and is happy for young people of plastic waste or where asks. “It’s very beautiful but I’ve process, the university must realise The university needs a museum to to earn their place in a meritocratic Ito find the local bottle bank. Phew; been here a week and I haven’t that no matter how fair the admis- elite. Popular culture celebrates the worries averted. found the university”. sions process they will never be fully admissions process and school stu- However, there are great people Cambridge accepts tourists grudg- vindicated. The government will “Cambridge is dents understand the need to work out there talking a lot of balls. I ingly, expecting them to keep well always want to deflect some criti- to unlock a better future. They are fully admire this and only wish out of the way. It makes little effort cism of an unequal education system presented as rewarded with the best universities more people had cottoned on to to explain its work to visitors and onto admissions tutors who have to in the world. This culture of support balls. Where is this going? Has lacks even the basic facilities expect- evaluate the products. some sort of for exceptional universities will Ethics Girl finally gone Essex? ed at any international tourist Increasingly the access debate has never develop here as long as the Well, I mean Eco balls, the deter- attraction. There is no visitor centre shifted from accusations of explicit cultural relic” public are kept at arms length in our gent free way to wash clothes. to chronicle 800 years of cutting bias towards the issue of whether it own city. Green, clean and go in the washing edge science, nor even an official is right for universities to practice Cambridge already invests ma-sheen. Sweet. guidebook, guided tour or shop. positive discrimination towards dis- resources in going into the communi- I enjoy talking dirty. To be fair, Cambridge prefers to relinquish the advantaged candidates. Yet still the ty and in bringing target schools to this is usually a conversation profits of a £334m local tourist indus- rhetoric is overwhelmingly negative: demonstrate its staggering contribu- see Cambridge for themselves. But about compost rather than any- try in favour of a sheltered sense of universities must decrease admis- tions to knowledge. It needs a guide- it only ever reaches a handful of stu- thing kinky you may have in mind splendid isolation. It is a university sion standards to meet the disadvan- book and better signage so people dents while neglecting the millions of after my Green Sex column. (The where even the students have a taged rather than finding ways to can find their way around the sites of children and parents who would hap- two are not mutually exclusive but vague sense that “Cambridge inspire the brightest students to significant discoveries and so that pily follow a tourist trail into our col- that’s beside the point.) Having research is changing the world” but meet their high standards. The talk everyone can understand their leges, laboratories and lectures if discussed the aviation industry’s none of them can quite tell you how. is of whether universities should impact. It must find better ways to only they were given the opportuni- incontinence problem last week, Cambridge is failing to communicate ‘make allowances’ in their offers, or let tourists sample the research and ty. Expecting applicants of all back- it’s logical to move on from a pon- its achievements and values to the 5 be content to accept A-Levels in ‘soft the teaching and all the richness of grounds to be inspired by their sub- der about soiling oneself to one million British tourists who visit subjects’. life here that will inspire them in ject, read widely, and have sufficient about oneself and soil. each year. Instead it has entrusted There is another way. Cambridge their own schoolwork. And it must initiative and confidence to benefit Principle soil pollutants include its publicity to a thousand guide should not be running at the speed of find ways to distribute recent from the supervision system should organic chemicals, pesticides, oils book authors, punt chauffeurs and the slowest man, but raising chil- research through popular channels not be derided as an elitist admission and tars from intensive farming, college porters. drens’ aspirations and inspiring them into schools, libraries, magazines and policy. But Cambridge cannot expect badly disposed toxic effluent and Never has the need to engage to make the effort to reach its high even to its own students, so that the children to want to meet those stan- landfill. Rain filtrates through the with the public been so urgent. The standards. It provides the most public can see our contribution to dards until it exposes its millions of soil collecting these chemicals and media has reduced Cambridge’s role intensely stimulating and exciting society beyond the plethora of eccle- visitors to life beyond the opaque runs into rivers. This contributes in society to that of a reluctant agent experience for its students and it siastic architecture. façade of the college courts. to the two main sources of water for social justice. Access is the only must provide a similar experience for Above all Cambridge needs to pollution – industrial waste and domestic sewage – to create a major conglomeration of liquid crap. Literally. And then? This is treated – Catherine more chemicals added – to become Oborne Professional foul tap water. Yum. The many environmental dam- Women made to play a different sort of beautiful game ages include hazardous impacts on ecosystems, wildlife habitats and human hormone balance. Enough said. This has to stop. uring this summer’s World nobody does so openly. But why play football. But the amazing ball? It is not. I can assure you Where to go from here? Cup the British press is it that I have never heard a thing about sport is that it is that I understand football just as Enforcing legal restrictions on the Ddeclared that we were a female voice actually commen- inclusive. You don’t have to play well as the fat man who sits amount of toxic effluent released nation gripped by football fever. tate on a football match on the the sport to understand it or sup- behind me shouting offside every is a good thing but the discrepan- Homes, shop windows, school TV or radio? Female sports pre- port it. Not many people are syn- time the opposition scores. cy between different nations classrooms and children’s bed- senters seem condemned to a role chronised divers, but when we Women themselves are partly makes regulation difficult. rooms draped in the England flag facilitating the smug post-match watched the Olympics we could to blame for this dismissive atti- Likewise, the clean-up act is seemed to suggest this. But, how analysis of Alan Hansen, wearing understand and appreciate what tude. The WAGs were the ones extremely varied; on average, only can a nation be gripped by foot- just the right amount of faux- they were doing. Yet, in my expe- who shamed themselves at the 10 per cent of waste-water gener- ball fever when football is a sport ignorance. Male-only teams rience, when watching a football World Cup. Their Baden Baden ated in India’s urban areas is which discriminates against half partying probably prevented treated. Small-scale water proj- the population of this country? Frank, Stevie and the others ects are being established but this In April, the President of Iran, “We are from getting a good nights’ sleep. is not enough. Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, tried to Worse than this, however, was In the immediate future, the reform a major piece of legisla- condemned to a that the WAGs showed women off individual, particularly in the tion: he tried to change the law as objects. It is OK that they developed world, needs to be more so that women could legally role facilitating leech off their husbands’ fame aware of the waste generated by attend football matches. He and fortune so long as they look their actions. As relatively afflu- failed - senior Iranian Islamic the smug post- good, their hair is dyed and their ent consumers, we have the choice clerics insisted that football nails are manicured. The ordi- to buy organic carrots, clothes matches were unsuitable for match analysis nary woman is guilty of similar made without toxic dyes and natu- women. of Alan Hansen, behaviour - we’ve all asked what ral cleaning products. As well as We are more egalitarian than T the offside rule means so that we harnessing our purchasing power, N this in Britain. Legally, women U can make the boy we fancy feel we should bear in mind the impact H wearing just the are allowed to go to football S clever. But this allows women to our travel, work and lifestyle E matches. They are allowed to L U be condescended to unnecessari- choices have on our surroundings. J

right amount of apply for jobs as commentators, : ly. We need to make clear that we And then act to reduce that N O agents, sports reporters and I can have a normal discussion impact. Use less water is an obvi- T faux-ignorance” A

sports news presenters. But R about football if we are interest- ous one… T there remains a clear undercur- S ed in it. We must do this for the sake of U L rent of sexism which ensures L If football is really to be an our hormones and the hormones of I that football continues to be very inclusive sport, uniting and cap- the generations to come, if nothing male dominated. turing the imagination of the else. After all, it would be awful to No one complains when John should not mean that women are game in a pub or at the ground nation, we must challenge these think that there would never be McEnroe comments on Maria discouraged from watching, sup- women are made to feel that they unfair assumptions and remove any more green sex, self-soiling, Sharapova’s backhand volley. So porting or having valid opinions can’t offer any judgment on the the ugly undercurrent that or dirty talk just because our gen- why should people object to on what seems to be a national game or even show vocal support makes half of the population feel eration forgot to get their Eco female commentary and report- obsession. for the team. Is it because less worthy. balls into action. Tess Riley ing in football? Of course, I accept that most women don’t women can’t understand foot-

12 varsity.co.uk/discuss |20.10.06

Email: [email protected] Turn to page 37 or lift up Arts and Features for more discussion Discuss Tel: 01223 353 422

»Notes from »Letter of the week New York “There is no convincing scientific evidence that marijuana causes psychological damage” Dear Sir have no evidence for amotivational tobacco and that its risks are vastly syndrome and there is no convincing overstated. Tell Varsity what’s on your I am appalled by the irresponsible scientific evidence that marijuana mind - each week, the best and hysterical propaganda you print. causes psychological damage or men- Perhaps Jessie would be better off letter will win a Tanya Filer The responses to Jessie’s letter to tal illness. realising that genuine friends will specially Cambridge Crisis demonstrated a respect your decisions and not put selected woeful lack of knowledge about the Cannabis use can trigger latent psy- you under any pressure. Daniel effects of cannabis. THC is a power- chiatric disorders, but Mary seems to Wakelin might also wish to refrain bottle of wine t is a funny circumstance when ful antioxidant and a British medical be confusing coincidence with causa- from sporting black bow ties with from our one's knowledge of a place and journal concluded after 30 years of tion as scientific studies have failed to black shirts before giving fashion friends at Ipeople is based on feature films research that “the smoking of demonstrate any clear causal link. tips. Cambridge and transatlantic soap operas. When cannabis, even long term, is not One does not necessarily imply the Wine you are suddenly thrown into the harmful to health.” other and those predisposed to men- Yours sincerely Merchants, real deal, the whole notion of 'art' tal illness are just as likely to have Jonathan Hobbs (yes, I do include Sex and the City Unfounded accusations merely serve problems triggered by myriad other Downing College King’s under this banner) representing life to undermine points about responsi- causes. A report published by the Parade becomes warpedly reversed and real ble drug use and harm minimisation Science and Technology Committee life starts to feel rather like a film by spreading misinformation that has this year concluded that cannabis is set. entirely discredited. Researchers in no way as harmful as alcohol or

This is exactly the situation I find myself in, wandering around the city »And the rest... eavesdropping on phone conversa- tions that I believed confined to sad and remorseful after his drink- ing occasional errors. Dear Sir, screen media. None of this hi-how- drive scandal (Varsity, 13.10.06. p.3). Given the activites evinced in page I was interested to read your investi- are-you-what-time-shall-we-meet- I’m just curious as to whether his con- two’s picture story, (Wyvern’s gation into book theft last week. credit-gonna-run-out malarkey. trition lose any of its force given that Initiation: Course no.4) as well as During my library career, I would esti- Rather, noisy relationship analysis, he is wearing a polo shirt emblazoned those of Kate Morland (Fresher rides mate that I have made no less than quasi-deep philosophizing and inter- with a Cumbrian brewery’s logo? Jesus Horse). it would appear that £7,500 from occassionally passing rare nal reflection take place on the street (www.jenningsbrewery.co.uk) Dave is not the only one who needs titles onto interested book collectors. corner outside the centre for help. Thankfully, such habits aren’t Supreme Self-Help and Meditation. Yours sincerely, revealed by freedom of information Stuart Basten Yours gratefully, requests. On campus the filmic sensation is still Selwyn John Ellis more heightened, largely due to the Department of Plant Sciences Yours Sincerely, over-caffeinated cinema students Dear Sir, A. Librarian lurking around with camcorders at the ready. Tight-jeaned boys and I was very pleased to read your arti- Dear Sir, bed-head girls: you can spot them a cles concerining the resignation of Dear Sir, mile off. What is harder to spot is Dave Ewings from CUSU. The cover- I have just read your article about the How I enjoy your listings. Last weeks whether they are filming Real Life age in your newspaper was sensitive, riding of the Jesus horse and would preview of 'Shut Up &Dance!': "no or shooting a fictitious story in a real responsible and impartial. This con- just like to point out that although dressing up like a nob". Hilarious. We setting. trasted strongly with other reporting Kate was indeed very drunk, I was clearly went to very different nights... Dear Sir on the matter. Although Dave’s completely sober. Now this confusion would be fine, actions are clearly inexcusible, I feel Yours, enjoyable even, but for one small With regard to the picture, published that it woudl be wrong to be overly Regards, Lottie Oppenheim problem; it makes me want to laugh. last week, of shamed former Academic judgemental on the subject. We are all Anon Queens’ Imagine if every time you saw a fel- Affairs officer Dave Ewings looking human, and therefore prone to mak- [email protected] low student your mind jumped to that boy in that run-of-the-mill col- lege rom-com fated from its concep- tion to flounder in the C-list of cine- Way Back When: Varsity Archives matic history. You too would want to laugh. You don't have to be an Einstein to realize that, at a universi- »October 1949: The dawn of technology ty, that's an aching amount of laugh- ter to contain, and, should you fail to turbed scientists working on it, and later it is possible that men will be to review dramatic productions by do so, an awful lot of potential friends they dislike the popular description called upon to fight to defend College and University clubs. to lose (‘What you laughin’ at?’ ‘You.’ of it as a “mechanical brain”. The what they believe in. Although the Cambridge theatre – it goes down like a lead balloon, I’m word “memory” which was at one has rarely been in a more flourish- telling you). Yet it is not a malicious time used to describe certain sections Is this right? Can there be a just ing state than today it works in laughter, rather a bemused one, that of its machinery has been replaced by war, or is war the worst evil that comparative obscurity. We hope by a famous-for-fifteen-minutes director the word “store”, which does not can befall man? criticising productions we will not could get a character study quite so evoke unfortunate comparisons. only draw attention to them, but right and that characters that previ- On pages two and three of this also help the producers and actors ously seemed unrealistic to me have issue of ‘Supplement’ are two arti- to judge audience reaction. In become quite credible in the context Looking for the cles by undergraduates on this addition printed review may well of this city. question. They are broadly repre- have the effect of stimulating the root of a matter sentative of two points of view, work of some of the clubs. The reason why there are so many and are the result of considerable visual odes to New York is because, thought. We urge our readers to The picture on the left is Morice besides the easy film licensing laws vershadowing our give them careful consideration. Redmayne’s conception of a in the city, the place is like a pick ‘n’ civilisation today is They are about fundamental mat- mechanical “brain”. We look at it a mix of cinematographic sounds, the threat of war. Are ters, which concern us all, and on little idly and express suitable scenes, people and storylines, ready we at the peak of a which undergraduates have spe- admiration when told it can play to be sold to commercial North civilisation doomed to cial right to express an opinion. chess, and noughts and crosses. America. The real work of the film- destruction by its own After all, if there is another war However since the “brain” pre- maker is deciding what to select from hand?O Is our life to be engulfed in the dirty work will largely be sumably cannot make mistakes, it the cinematic candy store. In a city a welter of bacteriological and done by undergraduates and their may one day in the future waddle where ‘small selection’ means less atomic warfare? contemporaries. out of its Downing Street lab, and than twenty types of coffee on the No Franckenstein It is easy to talk of the United take over its share of University menu, deciding what your protago- On the top floor of the Mathematics Nations, of international confer- As its name implies “Supplement” teaching and administration. nist might sip on in that morning Library on the Cavendish site stands ences, of the potential strength of aims to supplement the newspaper Never would there have been after the night before scene is not Edsac, one of the most highly-devel- the Soviet Union, of preventive “Varsity” in its work of reflecting known so clear a lecturer, so help- such an easy decision after all. You oped calculating machines in the war, and of all the temporary Cambridge undergraduates’ life ful a supervisor, or just a proctor. thought Woody Allen’s angsty world. So great are its powers that expedients to which we are resort- and thought. We hope during the We look forward with interest and expression was down to the big ques- many have not hesitated to compare ing to avoid war. It is less easy to year to cover and comment on some trepidation to the installa- tions? Wrong – he’s just choosing cof- it with the human brain. Sensational talk of the ultimate moral ques- every sphere of undergraduate tion of the first mechanical Vice fee. stories about its capabilities have dis- tions, which lie behind. Sooner or activity. In particular, we intend Chancellor.

Features

&ArtsFriday October 20 2006 | Issue 643

ILLUSTRATION: RHIANNON ADAM Politics Lifestyle Screen Music »Tories looking »Fashion »On Demand »This is a good. David explores the content and warning: Cameron sells tough look and the uncertain Hot Chip himself on the the dandy future of interview and net. trend. television. Mixtape. P 14 P 14 P 14 P 14

14 varsity.co.uk/features | 20.10.06 Digital Culture: Features Front Con Cam Rob Haworth on why user-friendly Dave, now broadcasting to the electorate via his Webcameron domain, is the Conservatives’ only hope of office.

avid Cameron has a new digital Westminster’s machinations. The former’s ter, and if they can be persuaded that he’s domain – WebCameron. It’s fluffy, chosen moniker is a simple device: gunpow- not really one of those ghastly old-fashioned Dfriendly and a platform for discussion der, treason and plot. These blogs have Tories, and that even Old Etonians have to of all things Dave. As may be expected from become a holy grail of digital culture: the put the rubbish out, then they might write the snappy name, it hosts video – you can opinion-former’s opinion, to be read as reli- about it and tell their friends. watch Dave’s post-PMQs musings and are giously as the banker’s Financial Times. The Tories have realised that the business invited to wash dishes with all the family. of opposition is a genuinely interesting prod- You can even take him on your morning com- uct, and one that is effectively documentable mute if you own a video-capable iPod. » It reeks of with an online platform. Any camera can be In these broadcasts, viewers learn all sorts pointed at a personable politician with of interesting facts; that the House of style-over-substance – attractive ideas, but only a shaky digital is Commons is “very shouty” and that Prime sufficiently guerrilla to contrast with a stage- Minister’s Questions is a good opportunity to you keep expecting to managed Blair press release. Backdrops, a ask the Prime Minister some questions to constituency office for example, are chosen which you want to know the answer. You will see Peter Mandelson to highlight the demands and opportunities find links to a few policy sites, but it is clear conducting a focus of opposition – people with time to listen, but that the aim of WebCameron is not to raise also unceasing in their preparation for the the intellectual bar - Sion Simon’s YouTube group in the business of government. To avoid Sir s parody (“you like my kids...? Just take one, Menzies Campbell-style anonymity, a digital that’s cool”) falls so flat precisely because it back of shot. window into Mr Cameron’s daily life is ideal, believes that this is what WebCameron is and suitably more progressive than junk trying to do. mail leaflets on the number of babies kissed Instead, the site’s purpose is integration, But new media, particularly when of a and solar panels installed. via super-bloggers Guido Fawkes, Iain Dale political persuasion, rarely reaches a mass For me, this is the first problem: et al, into the political blogosphere: that col- audience and, as it is viewed exclusively by a WebCameron is playing a role, giving too e lection of hacks ceaselessly working to create subsection of society, will meet limited suc- much background: it reeks of style-over-sub- a 24/7 comment section. The latter advertis- cess at the ballot-box. Tory HQ knows this, stance and I keep expecting to see Peter es himself “as essential as marmite” to but they also know that such people do chat- Mandelson conducting a focus group in the back of shot. The second problem is more fundamental: David Cameron is the leader of the r Conservative Party, which is an institution counting Francis Maude, David Davis and thousands of pensioners amongst its mem- bership. This is not something that WebCameron wants to talk about. Over at the parent site Conservatives.com, a banner for Dave’s blog appears centre screen and in full colour, but its little brother refuses to

u return the compliment, and not even a few pixels are devoted to that nice new tree logo of theirs. WebCameron seems painfully aware that, minus its hero, the Tories would have to be led by one of these characters, t and thus would be heading for the political wilderness faster than Gordon Brown. Consequently, its main aim is the promotion of the Cameron brand, such that it becomes a buoy from which the rest of the party can float until it has learned how to swim. But a counterpoint will have to be consid- a ered some point down the line: there is an asymmetry between the status of leader and party. David Cameron has been entrusted to transform the Conservatives from a party of David Davises into a genuine electoral force, and he seems to be doing so by recasting them in his own image. The growth of this

e asymmetry will be exacerbated by WebCameron and the publicity it receives. But, come the next election, I doubt that the public will entrust an atrophied and anony- mous Shadow Cabinet to run the country.

www.webcameron.org

F Cameron broadcasts from the Kings Fund

varsity.co.uk/features | 20.10.06 15

OVER THE BRIDGE Stan Hey

Hey at his Cambridge graduation. Stan Hey graduated from St Catharine's in 1974, which, he mourns, was "pre mixed colleges, pre lap-tops". He is now a screenwriter, whose impressive list of credits include Auf Weidersehen Pet Illustration by Jules Hunt and Dalziel and Pascoe.

Who/what inspired you to go into writing Skyper Links when at university? St. Catharine's was churning out Varsity Editors in my time - Jeremy Paxman, Andrew Natalie Woolman examines the global, romantic phenomenon of Skype. Nickolds, Bill Rogers - and they all strong- armed me into writing something, mostly friv- olous pieces. I didn't bother with Footlights, which seemed to be full of careerist Monty t is official; we have stopped looking for seems that, finally, the facial expressions, Skype. A close friend returned from a break Python impersonators. knights in shining armour. No longer do hand gestures and, of course, the fluttering in America with a boyfriend from Ohio. Iwe peer from tower windows to watch a of eyelashes have finally made a dashing re- Rather giggly, she admitted they were “dat- Who did you turn to for advice when at duel in defence of our honour, or expect to be entrance into our lives. ing”, on which point I asked if dating for university? swept off our be-slippered feet onto horse- And not a moment too soon. Personally, them was going to include long stretches The college chaplain, the late David Sparrow, back. Instead, we wait, flushed with excite- I’m prone to excessive hand gesturing; in spent gazing into each others’ pixelated eyes was a good man with a stock of decent wine ment, for the inaugural use of the winking fact so dramatic and crucial is my non-verbal and tenderly tapping out “I xxxx you”. But which he didn't mind sharing, even with face icon on MSN, and debate the emotional, communication I doubt that anyone would be she retorted that she had made a speedy agnostics. moral and political differences between “see able to understand me if my hands were cut headset purchase and was now happily you later” and “see you around” (a highly whiling away every evening in what felt like What is your biggest regret about your complex and shady issue, the manifold the same room as him. And this story is far time at Cambridge? answers of which I do not have time to prop- In our global village from unique. Indeed, it may soon become the At the time, chasing unattainable students erly discuss in such a short space). » case that having a boyfriend/girlfriend who from Homerton, once with the assistance of an We have become obsessed with “communi- it’s immposible to you meet and interact with solely in cyber- Aramis Bronzing Stick. Now, it would have to cation”, another one of those pesky buzz- space is a legitimate romantic preoccuption, be not using the time and the opportunity to words from the nineties that should have distinguish our next door not frowned upon by normal, active people, read more. died a timely death years ago, and yet, some- and unassociated with the seedy words where along the line, whilst chained to our neighbour from “internet chatroom”. It seems best friends, How did you celebrate the end of your keyboards and strapped to our mobile boyfriends, girlfriends, all the relationships degree? phones, we have stopped speaking to one “sexygal235” or that have, in the past, demanded prolific After my graduation ceremony, I took my another properly. A face-to-face chat over an “cybertomY2k+6”. amounts of time in one another’s company mum, dad and brother to one of the usual overpriced Starbucks has become nothing almost by definition, can now be conducted kebab houses. Over the weekend I had a fling short of an event on our digital calendar. cross-continent, cross-ocean, cross-world, with my bedder's Australian niece. Indeed, if we subscribe to the idea of a “glob- off in, say, a freak combine harvester acci- with only one £20 headset purchase. al village”, it is very unlike any village I have dent. Therefore, it is no small relief to me And, for the impatient, touch-typing Did you stay in contact with many ever been to, as we find ourselves unable to that I might be waving farewell to hours of broadband generation, Skype is revoltionis- friends from university? recognise our next door neighbour from examining punctuation, and pondering how ing things pretty quickly. First released in Yes, a hard-core of about a dozen have sur- “sexygal235” or “cybertomY2K+6”. And yet, to play it cool with liberal use of my MSN 2003, and accumlated by eBay in 2005, 2006 vived over the years. in this wilderness, there may be a ray of “away” status. Skype, albeit with the head- is probably going to be Skype’s year, as more light - the invention of Skype. sets and videos, is possibly the closest we are and more people take up the trend and cash What piece of advice would you give to a When asking anyone about Skype, you ever likely to come to having a proper con- in on budget communication. Once again, the current Cambridge student about to should only ever expect one answer, a long, versation with someone on the other side of internet empowers the free flow of informa- graduate interested in writing? exhilarated, breathy coo of “It’s amazing!”. the planet. We can see what they are wear- tion, leaving mobile phone companies quak- So much of creative writing is “taught” these Relying on funny-looking headsets reminis- ing, what their house looks like, and how ing in anticipation of the profit losses. days, which worries me a little - I've always cent of a 1980s disaster movie, and fuzzy much better their post-surf tan is than our But, I now find myself in a quandary. I thought that the best first steps were to imi- webcam videos, Skype now has over 100 mil- post-Cindie’s flush. It is putting the “face” have just established that the whole world tate those you admire most and let your origi- lion users worldwide who can make free calls back into “interfacing” *shudder*. can now be incorporated into my pool of nality find its way out naturally. to one another from their computers using Indeed, I know people who are only in potential suitors, yet find myself severely the decentralised, peer-to-peer network. It relationships purely and utterly because of lacking. Skype name: Varsity Vixen 642 .

16 varsity.co.uk/features | 20.10.06 Exclusive Interview

Dawkins makes a public address. His speech at the Cambridge Union Society last Tuesday was delivered to a capacity crowd in the debating chamber.

:C8JJ@: DFM@<;

F P M

varsity.co.uk/features | 20.10.06 17

UNDER THE LABCOAT

Udayan Battacharya Richard on Artificial Intelligence The words Artificial Intelligence conjure up different images for different people; for some of us it is something we wish we could go and pick up at Sainsbury’s before exams, while for others it is probably a group of robots gone horribly wrong, wait- ing to annihilate the human race and take over the world, I-Robot style. However it probably isn’t as far fetched a concept as it once used to be. But thanks to some well written science fiction it is indeed still ‘cool’ to associate AI with ‘intelligent crea- Dawkins tures’ mimicking human action and capable of human interaction. Therefore, unsur- Following Varsity’s exclusive podcast of Dawkins’ prisingly there are many trying to achieve the exotic goal of creating the intelligent human-machine. The Loebner competition speech at the Union, Andy Wimbush meets the for passing the ‘Turing Test’ in AI, held this year at UCL, hosted a wide variety of competitors trying to turn this fictional revered intellectual in person to discuss animal legend into reality. Alan Turing was the British mathe- matician, cryptographer and prototypical rights, human vanity and, of course, religion. computer scientist who, some say, did as much as Winston Churchill to save the world from the Nazis. His ideas are the rofessor Richard Dawkins has been anecdote: “good” religion. challenge. His other target is the irrationali- foundation upon which is built computer called the poster boy of Neo- “That’s an interesting point of view and I ty of human vanity, especially when it leads science and thus our entire digital world. PDarwinism. At 65, he’s still one of the guess there’s a certain plausibility to it. The to speciesism. Darwinism makes us realise He started the modern discussion about most recognisable flag-bearers for science, other point of view is put by Sam Harris that we are no more sacred than other minds, machines and artificial intelli- having occupied Oxford’s Chair of Public [author of The End of Faith] who says that organisms. How then does Dawkins react to gence. The Turing test is the canonical Understanding of Science for more than a good religion makes the world safe for bad animal rights campaigners? benchmark by which we humans will decade. It’s no secret that, aside from evolu- religion by preparing people with the idea “My morality tends away from an abso- know that computers have caught up tionary biology, Dawkins’ main hobby is bait- that faith – which means believing in some- lutist sort of morality towards Utilitarian with us. In 1950, barely two years after ing religionists with his passionate advocacy thing without evidence – is a virtue, that it is considerations. So when it comes to animal the construction of the first machine that of atheism. His new book, provocatively justified. You don’t have to explain why you rights, for me the key question is suffering. could reasonably be called a computer, he titled The God Delusion, is his first attempt believe something, you just have to hide I’m not really that interested in the abso- proposed a simple test to determine to tackle religion head-on. behind a wall and say “that’s my faith, you’re lutist question “Is this a human being or is it whether machines could think. If you Dawkins’ frontline vitriol makes actually not allowed to question that because it gives an animal?” Religious people obsess about were conversing with an entity and you meeting the man all the more surprising. His me offence or hurt when you do”. stem-cell research because human embryos could not tell whether that entity was demeanour is more mild-mannered vicar Dawkins certainly caused some offence get destroyed in the process. To me that’s a human or not, then whatever you were than upstart radical. Does he really think last week at the Cambridge Union when he total non-issue. The question is “Does it suf- conversing with was at least as intelligent that atheists should speak out against reli- held scripture up to ridicule. He claims that fer?” and clearly it doesn’t because it doesn’t as you were. Turing predicted that com- many religious people are simply unaware of have a nervous system.” puters would pass this test by the year the “sheer strangeness” of the Bible because I mention the grotesque photos that ani- 2000. The Turing test emerged from » His demeanour is they have never read the more “appalling” mal rights campaigners use in street obscurity and became part of popular cul- stories. Presumably then he’d want to keep protests. ture in 1966, when Weizenbaum’s simple more “mild-mannered the Bible in hotel rooms? “Those pictures which look as though they 200-line Eliza program, which used a few He laughs, “I’d like The God Delusion to are of animals being operated on while simple tricks to generate bland responses vicar” than an “upstart be in there too.” they’re fully conscious and unanaesthetised – to human-posed questions, fooled people The Bible has, strangely enough, influ- it’s very important to get across that it does into thinking they were conversing with radical”. enced Dawkins’ prose in the past. In The not happen.” an intelligent being. Blind Watchmaker, DNA is compared to a Dawkins’ next project is a transatlantic Since 1989 Hugh Loebner has spent gious faith? Hebrew scribe copying out the Law and ants educational organisation: The Richard more than $200,000 and a thousand hours “Yes, particularly in America. After six protecting their queen like the Ark of the Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science of unpaid time to hasten the arrival of years of Bush, I think an awful lot of people Covenant. Does he now regret the use of at http://richarddawkins.net. Cynics might intelligent machines. He has set aside a are getting increasingly agitated about the religious metaphors? suggest it looks more like a new brand of gold medal and $100,000 in cash for the dangers of theocracies.” “I don’t regret it at all,” he states categori- religion. The Ann Coulters will brand it creator of the first machine that can pass Dawkins receives his fair share of difficult cally. “I do think that the Authorized Version Satanic. Dawkins hopes that some, especially for human. In the meantime he gives out religious encounters. He often quotes a is an undoubted part of our literary heritage. children in faith schools, will find the founda- annual prizes for programs that come charming statement from American evangel- You can’t appreciate Shakespeare or many tion a much-needed breath of fresh air. closest to a holy grail in the artificial ical, Ann Coulter, who said, “I defy any of other poets unless you are familiar with the intelligence community: passing the my co-religionists to tell me they do not words and cadences of the Bible. You almost Exclusive to the Varsity website, Turing test. To win the competition, soft- laugh at the idea of Dawkins burning in hell”. cannot write decent English without it. I Simon Schama is interviewed by ware programs must mimic human con- But some, such as the religious historian, don’t even know what the Ark was. Do you?” Ed Blain. versation. However, to mainstream Karen Armstrong, suggest that the “bad” “God’s caravan?” I offer. researchers, the contest is at best irrele- religion of fundamentalists has only one It isn’t only religion that Dawkins likes to vant and at worst a public disservice that encourages bad science. But even though the academics are BlueSci Major New Project to Boost Mental Health: loudly boycotting the competition today, Will involve over 300 scientists from Cambridge. Sir David King, the government’s Chief Scientific Advisor, unveiled that doesn’t mean it wants for entrants. Headlines: plans for the “Mental Capital and Wellbeing” project at the Neuroscience & Society conference, held at New Hall The huge sums of prize money and the College on Thursday October 12th. inherent attraction of creating the perfect The complete writings of Charles Darwin are now freely available online: machine ensures some very high quality For the more technologically-fashionable, they can even be downloaded to your iPod. and high profile competitors each year, Cambridge University Entrepreneurs business ideas and creation competitions are now underway: ever widening the realms of AI. Returning this year is the £1k Business Ideas Competition, awarding ten £1k prizes to the best new business ideas. >> GRADUATE OPPORTUNITIES IN TECHNOLOGY, BRANDS AND MEDIA LAW >> What: Bristows’ Careers Presentation >> Where: Cayley Suite, Cambridge Garden House >> When: Wednesday 25 October 2006 >> Time: 6.30pm – 8.30pm

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varsity.co.uk/features | 20.10.06 19 Interview Griff Rhys Jones Alison Pearce shares a slightly fragmented dialogue with beloved author and comedian Griff Rhys Jones as he gears up for a national book-signing tour and a new series of Restoration.

ammers and chainsaws threaten to are kept hidden. They are about themselves, the ground: “The key is to be honest when Griff Rhys Jones will be signing copies of drown out Griff Rhys Jones as we they are about the truth, and then suddenly talking about your life. In fact, you haven’t his autobiography, Semi-Detached,at Htalk. Luckily, his quick-witted ram- as you read it, you think, well that is true for asked me about things most journalists ask, Heffers Bookshop on Tuesday 24th bling rises above even this. Griff is standing all of us, however bizarre, or however like “when did you find out you were funny?” October from 1-2pm. No ticket required. in a renovated house, preparing the next banal.” and all that nonsense. What rubbish.” series of Restoration: a television show that rescues crumbling architecture from derelic- tion - a kind of “Buildings In Need”. He » You haven’t asked talks about his current projects like a child explaining the workings of his new toy. Yet, me about things most the string of dislocated sentences and clipped bursts of laughter form a unique eloquence journalists ask, like which bodes well for his forthcoming autobi- ography, Semi-Detached. “when did you find out Writing about growing up in Essex and you were funny?” and all his student years at Cambridge has raised some interesting questions for Griff concern- that nonsense. What ing the battle between fact and fiction. In writing a “memoir” he has become very rubbish. interested in the potential fallacy of memory: “You have files: some are complete, but some However for someone who, when they are completely dismembered and remain in were only 26 years old, had a television audi- fragments.” ence of over 18 million in Not the Nine In one of his most popular sketches with O’Clock News the assertion of “normality” comedy partner, Mel Smith, the two sit face- does not sit comfortably. In the 1970s, Griff to-face and pursue abstract conversations and his Cambridge friends (including Clive about anything and everything. This inter- Anderson and John Lloyd) were collectively view seems to be following a similar pattern. known as the “snake pit”. He recounts how Hearing about Griff’s career, it seems to they desperately tried to conceal that they form a weird chain of transitions from body- had become part of “a ghastly elite” from guard at a club for Arab businessmen (a job their friends at home . Unlike the scarf- he endured with school- friend Douglas wearing, duffle-coat donning generation Adams, author of The Hitchhikers Guide to before them (Clive James, Peter Cook), the Galaxy) to comedian and actor on both being at Cambridge “was the worst thing stage and screen. Over the years he’s com- you could possibly mention in 1976.” piled an impressive CV including shows such However, as a former vice-president of as Porterhouse Blue (1987), Mine All Mine Cambridge Footlights and the recipient of a (2004) and Riot at the Rite (2005). Not to History degree from Emmanuel, Griff seems mention his latest escapades as TV presen- to have done alright for himself. ter and even as a lobbyist to save Cambridge Semi-Detached struggles to unify Griff’s University’s Architecture department in the “pre-life” impressions of his “monster” father 2004 “Save Architecture” campaign. with his more anecdotal Cambridge days, Large credentials, yet a modest ego. “I’m “where life began” for him. This resulted in a writing about a perfectly ordinary and not rather detached, or at least dislocated youth particularly unique experience. I wish my and early manhood for Griff, which perhaps childhood had been exciting but my parents explains the title Semi-Detached. “Semi- weren’t like Norman Lewis’. They weren’t detached is what I’ve been all my life – I’ve born-again Christians, like whats-his-name’s; never quite been detached. I’ve always been they weren’t crazy aristocrats; they were attached to somebody. It upset my mother just ordinary people, a doctor and his wife in because we never lived in a semi-detached Essex.” house and it implies that we did.” Griff has hit upon a very valid point. “I Although memory will always be open to think in normality there is a universality. A poetic license and worn away by the corro- really good writer writes about things which sive effect of time, Griff has his feet firmly on Rhys Jones wraps up warm

20 varsity.co.uk/features | 20.10.06 Lifestyle SHORT BREAKS FOR CHEAPSKATES THE RESTAURANT Escape via cyber space for £20 COLUMN

As part of our digital culture edition this Komodo dragon at London Zoo. Martha and Mathilda week cheapskates turns its attention to the You could even get an “I love my Komodo net. If you type “£20” into Google, it seems Dragon” T-shirt with matching key ring on BigBuddha to ignore the pound sign, and the first site the exciting design-your-own site that comes up is “The Guardian’s top 20 www.tshirtstudio.com/personalised/youde- ##### Geek Books”. Well it is Cambridge after all, sign.asp. and £20 will buy you seven of the books on Perhaps nights in are more your thing, and Along a narrow street, down a little cob- the list on www.abebooks.co.uk. (Including “I you can rent 10 DVDs without postage or bled alley in the heart of the fens, is a tiny Robot”, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the return dates on marvel of the east; a veritable shrine to Galaxy” and “Brave New World”) If you go www.dvd.easycinema.com/welcome/home.ht the cuisine of Northern Thailand. Ornately via the Oxfam website, www.oxfam.org.uk ml. Complimenting that would be a term’s decorated in more gilt than one could they receive all proceeds. On the ethical supply of pick and mix sweets (again with shake the proverbial gilt-laden bejewelled shopping theme, £20 will buy you a very delivery) www.sweetarcade.co.uk/index.html. stick at, Mathilda is in love with this good condom kit on If pay as you go is becoming unviable now restaurant, particularly with its wall-high www.oxfamunwrapped.com. the free home phone is not an option and fountain decoration. (Martha is similarly Alternatively, if you’re looking more for people are more and more fed up of your enamoured, but the fact that we don’t have escapism, then £20 will buy you a ticket to a prank calls and “call me backs”, apparently dates has hit her harder than it has musical (e.g.”Blood Brothers”, “Stomp”), Tesco’s internet phone is the answer. £20 Mathilda, and Mathilda has to spend the www.viewlondon.co.uk and a National will buy a phone and 250 minutes call time. rest of the meal interviewing men for her Express funfare return ticket to London. www.tesco.com/telecoms/internet_phone.htm who don’t fit the bill). www.nationalexpress.com Or you could skip And finally, how could I write an article on The food here is delicious and the range the musical and spend time talking to your internet shopping without including eBay? is vast, with curries, meat and vegetable adopted Some tantalizing options where the bids are dishes, several varieties of rice, and the currently at addition of E-san cuisine (North-Eastern £20 include: in origin) which has a bevy of chilli dishes a.. secrets on how to become invisible (including deep-fried and curried frog). b.. a carrot that looks like Paris Hilton To start we had some very succulent c.. a mustard flavoured set of air fresheners chicken satay, with a chunky peanut sauce d.. a girlfriend that was mildly spiced, and a vegetable e.. a wind chime made out of nine dead chick- noodle soup which was fragrant and suf- en feet fused with Thai basil leaves (£4.95). f.. an Israeli military slipknot gas mask g.. a shadow www.ebay.co.uk . Happy bidding! The food here is delicious, and the range Lucy McMahon is vast, inlcuding E-san cuisine which has a bevvy of chilli dishes including deep-fried VARSITY WINE and curried frog.

VIRGINS Martha then had the Green Curry with steamed rice. The curries we have sam- One of each... pled at Big Buddha have always been of a rich and creamy consistency, but not over- This week our lovely friends at the powering, and the fresh herbs and vegeta- Pub of the Week Cambridge Wine Merchant gave us two of bles are distinct and flavoursome. You can their most frequently sold bottles and ones also have most curries mild if you ask nice- The Green Dragon they think are really pretty good... a little ly. Mathilda had a Pad Thai stir-fried rice red and a little white. noodle dish which was excellent, full of more succulent chicken, and quite sweet Where is it? Some where beyond the Fens. A ten minute bike ride along the Italian Job due to the liberal amount of peanuts Cam (if you can trust yourself to wobble back) or a less than unpleasant walk. Angelo, from Puglia, 2005, involved, along with lots of crunchy bean You’ll see it across the first footbridge on your left. Negoarnaro-Sangiovese, £5.99 sprouts. The experts informed us this is a Overall it was not an inexpensive meal, What is it? Like somewhere Frodo Baggins might buy his tankard of mead. Glinting in wine of excellent quality thanks to with main courses setting you back £7-£16 the cold Cambridge air in true Walter de la Mare-esque style, fire in the hearth, the variety of grape with a great depending on your choice of meats. Rice lanterns in the window, warmth in the heart (and in the beer). Perfect if you don’t wish depth of flavour. It’s a food orientat- and other sides are extras, while the to be bothered, though not to be advised if you don’t want to bump into your maths ed wine with the taste of bitter Noodle dishes are approximately £9. supervisor. Order a white wine spritzer and watch them snort with derision (quite right chocolate and currents combined However, there is a 10% student discount, too). with more subtle cherry and tomato and the mains are generously propor- flavours. tioned, so there is no need for starters. We Why? Miles away from Wetherspoons. Miles away from anywhere (though not really The virgins thought this a very sampled a creamy rich Merlot and the that far) savoury, versatile wine which defi- house white which was crisp and fruity, nitely transported one over to the offsetting our chicken dishes perfectly. Why not? If you’re snowed in it’s the end for you. A long cold winter living only Italian hills...or Clowns Both come in half-bottles for sharing. off pork scratchings and pale ale with only the dart-board to keep insanity at It is often, although undeservedly, quite bay. French Connection quiet in Big Buddha, largely because it is a Chablis, 2005, White Burgundy, £8.99 bit of an undiscovered secret, but it has a How much is it? Pint of Guest Cask Ale (£2.40), Pint of Carling We were reliably informed this was an lovely ambience and the service is (£2.35), Pint of IPA (£2.20), Pint of Strongbow (£2.55), Small excellent vintage from Petit Chablis, one of extremely efficient and friendly. The head glass of wine (£2) the best grape varieties in the world. With a waiter even wears a sparkly blue jacket as high mineral quality and fresh, vibrant citrus well as a smile. flavours it was lively on the palette. We must also mention aome of the spe- The virgins though it was an excellent bot- cial events: Classical Thai Dancing, tle - arresting in taste but also light and easi- Songkran Celebration (Thai New Year - ly drinkable. It shocked us to find that a type April) and Loy Kratong (November). of Chardonnay could taste so very good... and Marvellous. so classy.

varsity.co.uk/lifestyle | 20.10.06 21 Fashion Student Army Urban wear, the perennial student uniform, takes on a sophisticated edge this season, glammed up with touches of glitz for the girls and dandy for the boys. Layer up street staples with structured separates for a modern, tough look.

FINE AND DANDY

This summer, Big Brother provided guilty wardrobes are struggling against a three- amusements in Pete’s ticks and Nikki’s sided assault: student loans, kebab stains and tantrums, and if unsatisfied by this, relief erratic weather conditions. In homage, the was to be found in undiluted doses of Russell new age dandy adopts well-cut macs and pea Brand. Some were drawn to his Big Mouth or trench coats that build upon the masculine and even bigger ego, but it was his style that frame, and reject those superwide t-shirts tailored his reputation and confirmed his and trousers into which 50 Cent and half his appeal: he became the black-booted, bedrag- posse can hustle. gled beacon for the renaissance of the dandy. The look has real character and the rules are simple: outer-garments need solid colour and strong outlines (think shoulders collars, The new age dandy and lapels) with oversize proportions: roll up your coat sleeves and look for velvet jackets. adopts well-cut macs Beneath this, run riot with patterns and stripes, and add dashes of colour with and pea or trench coats scarves, but retain a tailored shape through shirts and waistcoats. As you can see in the that build upon the photo shoot, we are layering up this winter. masculine frame. Adapt the look to the big freeze: waistcoats over light jumpers or hoodies can smarten the sporting uniform, whilst braces or a mess Beau Brummell, the father of modern fash- of belts worn over jeans break the mould. ion, pioneered the movement by re-defining Whilst Russell Brand-ing yourself to the techniques of formal tailoring – a disci- Victorian pimp extremes must be plined use of fabric to emphasise the natural approached with care, imagine the excite- form. This resulted in the trousers, collar and ment on your girlfriend’s face when she sees white and black tie that ornament every May you have acquired a habit of donning silk Week’s frivolities. Following Brummell’s scarves which she can promptly steal. True, syphilitic descent into disease and insanity, she may presume that you have minced onto the principles became peacocked out of all the other side of the sexual persuasion, and proportion. Examples include Disraeli strut- find a Rugby First XV scarf to thieve ting into parliament in purple pantaloons, the instead. But is it not worth the gamble? Count D’Orsay bankrupting himself in the Throw in some antique or traditional touches pursuit of snuff boxes and Wilde hosting par- such as pocket watches and handkerchiefs; ties to celebrate the acquisition of new coats. even some audacious leather boots in which It is true that stockings with calf-implants you can practice your cavalier swagger. Who and wigs that cost more than carriages have could say no to such a tastefully rakish cad? little to do with modern society, and even less relevance to Cambridge students. Our Monty Stagg

Orlando wears overcoat, £192 by G-Star at Dogfish. Jacket, £100 by Adidas Originals. Waistcoat, Stylist’s own. Silk Scarf, £25 at Moss Bros. Jeans, £40 by Cheap Monday at Cult. Shoes, £20 at Gap. Maria wears dress, £235 by Cacharel at Bowns. Parka, £120 at French Connection. Rose wears jacket, £45 by Inès at T.K. Maxx. Jeans, £40 at Topshop. Belt, £2 at Oxfam. Photographed at Robinson College by Debbie Scanlan. Styled by Olivia Johnson, Rosanna Falconer, Monty Stagg and Ben Margereson. C W I N A P DV O D RT P A L BL AY E ER

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24 varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 25 Digital Culture: Arts Front Resonance FM THE ARTS Jacqui Tedd on everyone’s favourite arts station. COLUMN

Since being introduced to the aural delights of affair. Its presenters by and large take an Resonance 104.4 FM, I have spent many understated approach and step back to allow Giovanni Mengalle hours, tuned to the station, enjoying every- the material to speak for itself. It is much On the Joy of Cassettes thing from “coffee and cake” with a group of more fun, and often more bizarre, than your scandanavian pop-loving, monarchophile typical “arts” station. Regular highlights One really crap Sunday afternoon this Swedes; heard a representative of the include “Speakers’ Corner”, in which mem- summer, my mother called me down the Pakistan Trade Union Campaign discuss bers of the public are given a chance to speak stairs in her usual “Admit it, we both have Junk-y opposition to the Musharraf regime; and been their minds, “One Tribe”, an occult talk show nothing to do so let’s just bond in the oedi- informed, in between a range of “golden “showcasing extraordinary people with pal disgrace that is our mother-son rela- oldies”, on the rights and benefits to which extraordinary ideas”, and “Counter Culture tionship” and solemnly handed me a dusty our elderly population are entitled during a Radio”, a look at the week’s more interesting wooden box full of old tapes. Rainy after- new releases brought to us by the lovely peo- noons have generally been known in my ple at Rough Trade. The station also manages house for my mother making yet another » 90 minutes of to incorporate coverage of music, culture and case for her self-declared legitimacy as a politics from other countries and well-estab- punk parent. This time, however, she had necrophilia, satanism lished migrant communities in the UK in a underestimated my enthusiasm, and was way that avoids being tokenistic – there are reduced to a mere spectator as I childishly and extreme metal. regular slots dedicated to the arts scenes in listened my way through the entire con- Sweden, Poland, Mexico, the Middle East, tainer. show called Calling All Pensioners. Japan and the Americas. Grace Jones and Captain Beefheart Resonance is an arts station, brought to us All too often mainstream radio comes across made way for a much more peculiar dis- Music by the London Musicians’ Collective, which as little more than an exercise in narcissicism covery in the rancid depths of the musty has been broadcasting since 2002. It boasts for the personalities involved, from Chris old box. The faded scribbling on a lone- contributions from “nearly two hundred musi- Moyles to John Humphries and most of those some mix-tape, strewn shoddily amongst cians, artists, thinkers, critics, activists and in between. Resonance not only offers a old pen-lids and oxidised pennies, simply instigators”, and has steadily been building up break from this but from inane “banter”, traf- read Carmody. I put it on and exchanged a following which, thanks to its website, has fic updates, and double-glazing adverts; from an indulgent nod with my mother. reached the farthest corners of the globe. interviews with politicians that are more Recorded live at a festival in Rome in Despite that, and despite its 100,000 listeners about the egos involved than any of the 1980, the tape contained six unnamed in the capital alone, the station remains a issues, from pseudo-controversies about the songs by the equally unknown Italian new- largely undiscovered gem. This might have contextual usage of the word “gay” or exactly wave band. Digital music may favour beeps, something to do with the fact that, to many, a which way Rupert Everett did Madonna, radio station which is advertised as “a work of from Dad Rock and the new James Blunt sin- art in itself” sounds more suited to the great gle. And if that isn’t enough to tempt you, »The faded scribbling bleeps and squeaks, however an minds of the nation than those with a more today at 9.30pm is Black Friday: 90 minutes average intellect. It’s the sort of thing you of necrophilia, satanism and extreme metal. on a lonesome mix- analog backlash has produced might imagine Martin Amis tuning into whilst preparing his latest “ground-breaking” insight tape, strewn shoddily www.resonancefm.com into the Muslim faith. amongst old pen-lids artists like Thomas Truax who Yet Resonance is actually a down-to-earth and oxidised pennies, only uses homemade simply read Carmody.

instruments. Michael Chilcott The wailing lyrics barely waded their way out of the glutinous distorted tape. A pained “Mooodeeeernity…” rang across meets the analog music monarch. the bizarre circus-like jingle of tinny elec- Thomas Truax uses his bow on the Hornicater tronic keyboards and drums. Though it didn’t help that at the same time it had ames Sedwards, guitarist in Oxford-based ple come back to see me over and over again. Yet Thomas Truax, despite his DIY aesthet- started hailing outside and that my mother noise band Nøught, once said in an inter- I’m just having fun and maybe it’s contagious.” ic, is no Luddite – he’s keen to praise the STRANGE SOUNDS was still engaged in self-congratulatory Jview that “Pigeon-holes are for pigeons, As Truax points out, it seems that there is “a advances which the digital age has brought. nodding, I was still quite impressed by my not for music”. This rings especially true when growing dissatisfaction in the digital age of “The new record will have been recorded some find. confronted with such a one-off as NYC-based people not being able to understand it [elec- in New York, some in London, some in Casio FX-501b Calculator: The recent audio cassette bandwagon is musician Thomas Truax, whose music constant- tronic music] on a primal, basic level of ‘I hear Edinburgh, some in Germany and some in Supposedly the model used by Kraftwerk on annoying, but understandable. Unlike the ly defies any glib attempts at being forced into that sound, and it sounds great’”. The human Glastonbury. I do a thing where I’ll come up Computer World's “Pocket Calculator”. obnoxious working/broken dichotomy of a iTunes-compatable genre-boxes. Backed by an connection with electronic music is a much with some of the basic bones of a song and Audiences at gigs were encouraged to bring scratched CD, or worse, the arrogance of army of self-built sound sculptures including more difficult one to make simply because carry a hard drive around - it’s part of the along their own calculators so they could sing digital recording, the tape’s vulnerability, the Hornicator (a Victorian junk-shop contrap- these technologies are somewhat alien to our charm of the modern age that we’re in that you along when the track was played. as much as its hardiness, have made it the tion built from a gramophone horn) and Sister can actually take your basic recording around cult object of contemporary music s Spinster (a bicycle-wheel “anti-digital” drum and load them into somebody else’s home stu- Plastic Surgery: fetishists. Vinyl sales this year have machine), Truax sings of technology, the com- » One is reminded of dio set-up and have guest players that you On their 2001 album A Change to Cut is a increased for the first time since their orig- plexities of deciding what to wear, and the resi- don’t actually have to fly in.” Chance to Cure NY duo Matmos used, amongst inal decline, but the tape comes untainted dents of a fictional place called Wowtown. the back cover of At the same time, Truax is wary of the other things, samples of Californian plastic sur- by the obsessive-compulsive creepiness of “I basically just let my imagination go,” says importance placed on the internet and the gery operations. Other sonic projects include the bearded Vinyl collector.

t the affable and eloquent Truax. “All kinds of Songs about Fucking Myspace revolution. “It’s a very very impor- amplifying crayfish nerve tissue One really crap Cambridge afternoon, different stuff gets thrown into the stew as far tant piece of the puzzle but I think that a lot of and human hair. however, my tape player began mumbling, as what I like and what I’ve listened to; but by Big Black which new bands make the mistake of thinking it’s all slowly turning into a sort of gargling, and none of what I’m doing is really imitating that. reads “The future about the internet. I find that actually having Sewing Machine: before I knew it, it had chewed its greedy It’s basically me putting audio together in a people see you live and having a way to reach A mechanical sewing machine is one of the way through 5 metres of Carmody, and way that I can tell stories with.” belongs to the analog them and letting them know directly when instruments of choice for Icelandic duo that was it, gone. The beleaguered tape

r The sense of imagination running wild is you’re next playing or when your album is Slowblow, who only make lo-fi, analog music. was lying there, in a macabre pile of ever-present in Truax’s music, and his mad-but- loyalists. fuck digital”. coming out - that’s a fantastic thing.” They've also experimented with recording fire- steaming cellulose. I was sad. beautiful conjury is something which is per- Just before he left, Truax thanked me “for works and bust-up washing machines. The sacrificial mincing of my favourite haps best witnessed in a live setting. His per- being interested.” It seems, however, impossi- air-loom was to be expected. It was old, formances are becoming increasingly the stuff nature. As for capturing the sound itself in the ble not to be interested. You’d be a fool to deny Helicopters: and was probably already looking for an of legend, with audiences left equally bemused studio, it is undeniable that analogue kicks the yourself a glimpse into the beautiful and King of the avant-garde Karlheinz Stockhausen excuse to die, which is just as well, and rapt as they watch Truax leap around the ass of digital in terms of warmth, clarity and colourful imagination of an eccentric genius. dreamt about recording the four members because, unfortunately, the audio-tape has venue, coaxing unheard sounds from his depth. One is reminded of the back cover of string quartet playing whilst being flown about already been degraded to the status of mechanical bandmates. “I do like to put on a Songs about Fucking by Big Black (the 80s Thomas Truax plays in Cambridge at The in four separate helicopters. The result: “The faddy social currency, and, no doubt, will good show and I want people to see something punk band fronted by legendary producer Loft on November 3rd. His albums Full Moon Helicopter String Quartet”. soon sink its stiff way into the 6-foot-under

A and have interaction with those people. I’m Steve Albini), which reads “the future belongs Over Wowtown and Audio Addiction are out of the post-bandwagon graveyard. always pleasantly surprised by how many peo- to the analog loyalists. fuck digital”. now. Cutting tracks at the Resonance studios. 26 varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 Digital Culture The Future of Television? Tom Smith profiles the worldwide success of YouTube.

Have you heard of geriatric1927? Have you programming. ITV, for instance, has spent seen the chin2 dancers? Do you know why the past decade in commercial and creative lonelygirl15 is, well, lonely? More pertinent- freefall (name five decent things they’ve ly: have you heard of Chad Hurley and Steve made since Morse). But the market is happy Chen? Perhaps not, but in certain corners of to pour billions into distributing, say, the digital world their names are better- Koreans hugging strangers, or Star Wars known than Britney’s. Hurley and Chen are tributes or, most worryingly for Google, the founders of the video-sharing site pirated music videos and film clips. YouTube, and they have just become enor- The piracy problem is a big one for Google. mously wealthy. On 9th October, less than Browsing the site you constantly come two years after the pair started the company across fragments of Hollywood movies; pop in their garage, YouTube was sold to Google videos are regularly leaked onto the site well for £1.65 billion dollars. That’s an obscene before their planned release. One or two of amount of money. It’s more than twice the the big entertainment companies have made GDP of Burundi. The amount seems espe- formal agreements with YouTube concerning cially huge when you consider what YouTube use of their material; others, though, are actually is: an enormous collection of grainy threatening legal action. Within days of the video clips; homemade, stolen, awful. Google sale, Time Warner released a state- On the other hand, YouTube is also an ment warning that they would pursue copy- “exciting and powerful media platform”. right complaints made against the site. People who know about these sorts of things But this might not be their biggest prob- think it’s the future of television. The site lem: the site may become too popular for its gets tens of millions of visits a day, and own good. Labour MPs have started to use it serves up hundreds of millions of videos. - Sion Simon released a hideously unfunny That’s what Google said when they bought it. David Cameron “parody”, a stunt so unsuc- What they meant was this: YouTube is used cessful that he’s since deleted the clip. regularly by millions of young people with A month ago the site’s biggest celebrity, lots of disposable income – a perfect market lonelygirl15, apparently a young girl living for Google’s precision-targeted advertising. with strict religious parents, was unmasked: They’re going to make a fortune. she’s actually an actress from New Zealand. This is a depressing thought. Conventional Whether the hip young things who made television channels haven’t made money for the site so valuable in the first place will years (Sky, with its football monopoly, being stick around as it grows larger and more the exception); and no money means terrible mainstream still remains to be seen. Lonelygirl15 broadcast, supposedly, homemade videos to millions of avid viewers.

varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 27 mybeeb.co.uk How far does TV define our Britishness? And how insular could we become in the the age of on demand content? Rhiannon Adam predicts a national crisis of identity when the BBC goes online.

hen British physicist, Michael mental respect: they envisage that this sys- were always up to me, my “channel” would Each day we hear cries of woe from com- Faraday, discovered electromagnet- tem will ultimately become the only way of contain only arts programming, Little munity leaders complaining that society’s Wic induction in 1831, he could not watching their programmes. Britain, American sitcoms, and the odd bedrock is cracking underneath them. The have foreseen the extent to which his discov- We will no longer have to experience the Channel 4 type documentary like Body days of terrorism have provoked even more ery would transform our daily lives. This torture of waiting for what we want to Shock, causing me to miss out on fascinating heated debates centring around questions of groundbreaking process could rightly be watch, it will all be there at the touch of a documentaries about prime numbers and national identity. What it means to be British called the beginning of the digital age and beavers. is becoming less and less clear cut. allowed the advent of television. So, in the future, where will Auntie Beeb It appears that the BBC is following the According to BARB – the Broadcasters » In the iPod age, be to educate me and put irritating pro- same lead. It no longer wants to have an Audience Research Board – UK residents grams on in prime time, when all I really identity of its own, its “Britishness” is being watch a phenomenal 24 hours and 24 min- where the UK has want to watch is some trashy sitcom? If it is eroded by the force of the individual will. utes (on average) of television each week. true that I watch one day of television per Because of this, children growing up in the That statistic works out as almost 53 full become a nation of week, then when am I going to have time to forthcoming on demand age won’t be able to days spent in front of the box every year. explore the scientific interest in beavers I reminisce about their days watching a Super Television has been proven to be the most plugged-in separatists, never knew I had? Ted equivalent and thus will struggle to time consuming activity after working and the BBC has provided You see, handing viewing control over to engage in inane, socially normalising small sleeping. If these figures are to be believed, the public is a dangerous undertaking. We talk with their peers. we are left with a mere 6.3 hours each day to some form of common need someone to say “that’s enough now” As our interests become increasingly per- eat, drink, travel, relieve ourselves and and to pat us on the head and tell us that “it sonalised, we consequently become blinkered spend time with family and friends. national identity. is time to go to bed unless you want to watch to the world outside of our own. On demand Eastenders alone regularly attracts more GCSE Bitesize” in the early hours. seems the natural, progressive movement than nine million viewers, and last Monday In the iPod age, where the UK has become towards a society where the individual has a night more than 11 million viewers tuned in button. a nation of plugged-in separatists, the BBC greater choice, yet this choice comes at the to catch Fred Elliott’s departure from And herein lies the rub. Thanks to the tel- has provided some form of common national cost of a shared, cultural outlook. Even if ITV1’s Coronation Street. That means that evision channel and scheduled programming, identity. Go into any hairdressers and start conversation does revolve around more than twice the amount of people watch I have keenly watched many a program that talking about Eastenders last night, and you Eastenders, TV that we all watch gives us a daily soap opera than read a daily newspa- I would not have otherwise considered. If it won’t struggle to find conversation. something to talk about. per. Currently, ratings figures for terrestrial channels still far outweigh those of their digi- tal counterparts, but this all looks set to change with astonishing haste. Until now, it has been at least partly comforting to think that the publicly owned, publicly funded, and government regulated BBC has taken its role in society seriously. “The Beeb” has long held a special space in Britain’s heart, and has provided us with many years of quality programming. Upsettingly, the phrase ‘“quality program- ming” looks set to become obselete. The bas- tion of Britishness that is the BBC has cast off its shroud of tradition and has decided to embrace the digital age. With this change, schedulers are set to be cast out on their heels to look for new jobs. You see, the digital age is really the age of the individual. Forget society, forget “com- mon culture”, forget the buzzwords from days of yore. The digital revolution is upon us and we no longer need to care about hav- ing anything in common with our fellow Brits. The BBC’s Information Architecture department is working feverishly on creat- ing a new way of consuming television, where the individual retrieves the pro- grammes that they want to watch, when they want to watch them, from their source. Therefore, instead of sitting down to watch Neighbours at 5:35pm, we can watch the whole week in one sitting, as and when we choose. So far, this does not sound like anything unfamiliar. After all, the luckier ones amongst us already have Sky+ boxes. Yet, the BBC’s proposition differs in one funda- Illustration by Glenn Pickering 28 varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 Digital Culture: Arts Interview

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varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 29

Hot Chip MIXTAPE Freya Johnson Ross talks to the Mercury Music Prize nominees about the success of The Warning, their musical influences and the true merits of a Cambridge University education.

fter an adolescence spent reading things.” But it wasn’t until after they’d left maracas. about the decadence of musicians on university that the pair enlisted friends Al Inevitably, of course, our conversation Atour, I’m expecting the dressing Doyle, Owen Clarke and the moustachioed comes round to Cambridge. The whole room of a Mercury Prize-nominated band to Felix Martin to complete Hot Chip as we band, excepting Goddard, are alumni, but be something a bit special. As it is, Hot know them. Their first album, this has been so little reported that I Chip’s quarters leave me musing, like Coming on Strong, established wondered if it was something that Through the Keyhole’s Lloyd Grossman, them a fanbase, but it wasn’t they’d rather forget. Despite about what sort of popstars might inhabit until this year’s The my trepidation in asking, such a place. Far from decadent, it’s more Warning, their first album both Taylor and Doyle are like a staff room and the only substances on to be released on a major happy to chat about their offer appear to be fruit, water, and, er, hum- label, that the record sales experiences of life in the mus. really soared. But, in spite bubble. Taylor, who played My first sight of Alexis Taylor and Al of the increased populari- his first gig for local pro- Doyle as they amble in to meet me only ty, the band have retained moters Bad Timing, shows adds to the confusion. Taylor seems every their integrity. Indeed, genuine affection for his inch the flamboyant popstar in particular, time spent at the Portland meticulously dressed and accessorized with Arms and trawling the record acid green glasses and matching stripey » Cambridge shops that have now sadly socks. Only when he starts speaking do I closed. Doyle on the other hand is realise my mistake - he’s quiet and extreme- University prepares more indifferent towards the universi- ly earnest, especially when it comes to talk- ty. “It prepares you remarkably badly for ing about his music. you remarkably badly the world,” he notes, echoing the feelings of And of course it’s the music we’re here to many a newly-emerged Cantab. But neither talk about - specifically about the fact that for the wider world. he nor his bandmate have any criticism to Hot Chip make fantastic pop. Quite com- make of Cambridge’s charity-shops. For fortable with the term despite its often when I question the pair on how the two Taylor, rummaging for a bargain is even maligned status, Doyle says it “fits best for albums compare, although Doyle jokes more than just a hobby as he helps collect us because it’s less constraining”. Taylor about the posh new packaging of The stock for his wife’s London homewares stall. explains, “to me pop music is quite a broad Warning, Taylor makes a confession. He When I dare to suggest this could become a term and I don’t find it unhelpful”. But nei- admits frankly of The Warning, “I just feel career post-Hot Chip I am met with mock ther are keen on the endless discussion of like it isn’t really a complete representation horror and jokes about injury-induced their sound, “We are aware of our influ- of how I wanted those songs to sound on retirement. “You never know,” Taylor quips, ences, but I don’t think we want to sound record. There’s a slight sheen which I don’t “you might get a blister on your little fin- like them. We just start off making music appreciate.” He retains a soft spot for the ger.” Watching them on stage later, dodging having listened to quite a lot.” Peeking at first album, then, painstakingly recorded by errant glow-sticks and grinning like small their iTunes it’s clear this is an understate- himself and Goddard in a bedroom, “for all children makes me convinced that Hot Chip ment, with Public Enemy sharing the its naivety and mistakes it at least feels like are in it for the long haul: broken legs screen with the likes of Richard something I made with Joe.” wouldn’t keep them from their keyboards. Thompson. Over-polished though the most The band realise, too, that recent recordings might be, the they still have their work band seem buoyant at the cut out persuading the dis- prospect of developing live cerning public that “pop” the music they’ve been mak- and “credibility” aren’t ing as a five. “ It’s gonna be mutually exclusive terms. nice for us to play these new The problem with pop, songs on the road and allow Doyle notes, is that “it’s them to evolve before we inherently conservative, record them next year”, because if it’s gonna be pop- enthuses Doyle. This process ular it’s got to be marketable, is possible because the band and so it can’t be too different play their songs without the pre- to what’s gone before.” Their chal- programmed computers that render lenge, then, is “working within the form but so many electro performances formulaic. moving it forward”, but luckily it’s one Taylor believes the distinction between a they’re determined to meet. record and a live show is important, “Lots When they first started out, the band only of other bands just seem to recreate their consisted of Taylor and childhood friend Joe album [onstage] - what’s the point of going Goddard. Taylor describes how, “All the to see them live?” Watching them play, the way through uni, and a good few years element of live percussion is particularly before, Joe and I had been working away compelling, and even the earnest Taylor dedicatedly as if we wanted to release succumbs to moments of abandon with his Hop Chip in full effect _dZ Wad\h

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varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 31 Reviews

Marie Antoinette #####

Reunited with her Virgin Suicides leading The film comes equipped with a very able lady and cunningly repositioning the infa- supporting cast- including particularly hilar- mous Queen of France as a punk rock ious turns from Rip Torn and Jason princess, there is every reason to hope that Schwartzmann, a funky punk rock sound- Marie Antoinette could be feted as director track and typically gorgeous cinematogra- Sofia Coppola’s strongest work yet. It’s cer- phy. Ironically, the very thing that Coppola tainly not without merit: the energetic visu- was lauded for on Lost in Translation- her al style of the film fits the presentation of screenplay- is the undoing of Marie the heroine perfectly, and it’s hard not to Antoinette. Light on actual events, the arc crack a smile every time `I Want Candy` of the plot dwells too much on the mundani- comes pounding across the soundtrack. And ty of Marie’s day-to-day life, and yet still yet, despite a deft balance between comedy somehow manages to offer startlingly little and drama, the film never quite realises its insight into the woman herself. Where full potential. Virgin Suicides and Lost in Translation Kirsten Dunst deserves no small amount focused on relatively short timeframes, of praise for making the film extremely Marie Antoinette suffers from too broad an enjoyable to watch. Despite her ubiquity as approach that ultimately feels strangely an actress, this is one of the first times that empty. Neither an apologia for her occasion- Dunst has been quite clearly the star of the ally risqué behaviour nor a condemnation, show, but, thankfully, she handles the the film veers between intimacy and detach- responsibility with aplomb. From wide-eyed ment in entirely the wrong balance. The lit- teenager at the beginning of the film, tle details are painted as finely as possible, through to world-weary mother, Dunst is but many of the bigger events are glossed entirely believable. Some of the film’s best over as the overly slow first hour frustrat- moments are when the focus is entirely on ingly picks up speed just as the more juicy her, revelling in her enjoyment of the trap- stuff starts to play out. Far from a terrible pings of royalty or wallowing in despair as film, but just not up to the standard of her illusions are gradually shattered. It Coppola’s fictional work. makes a convincing pitch for Dunst’s claim to be Hollywood’s freshest first lady. Stuart Smith

The Guardian##### The Last Kiss #####

Zach Braff is a Romantic. And, to hear him As The Last Kiss barrels along, one tear- tell it, The Last Kiss is a Romance. One for ridden scene after another, tensions a generation of Myspace addicts and com- between childhood expectations and the mitment-averse bartenders; a celluloid complexity of experience increase. Jenna’s world in which you don’t recognize love parents, played by the brilliant Blythe when it stares at you through the eyes of Danner and Tom Wilkinson, provide a foil to your preternaturally gorgeous (not to men- the self-help arrogance of a younger gener- tion three-month pregnant) girlfriend but ation. Attempting to reconcile her parents, somehow seem able to realize its life-defin- Jenna flippantly assures her mother that it ing impact by sleeping with that ‘provoca- is ‘easy to keep a man happy.’ Her assur- tive’ brunette who hits on you at a wedding. ance is met with disdain: ‘you have no idea This is the dilemma that shapes The Last what a thirty-year marriage is,’ her mother Kiss in a most ‘un-American’ kind of way. coldly hisses. Similarly, Kim exudes the sex- ‘Happily ever after’ has become an almost uality of someone who has studiously read terror-inducing phrase precisely because it every Cosmo issue since the age of 13, at evokes an absolute (period) finality (period). once painful and endearing. She burns With it comes the loss of romantic adoles- Michael ‘memory’ laden CDs and whispers cence, butterflies in the stomach and to him that all that matters is tonight. sweaty palms, awkward conversations and, By being such clichés, both women of course, first kisses that may be your last. appear to be nothing more than the two- These arguably self-indulgent confusions dimensional reflections we have seen all too preoccupy four childhood friends as they often on screen. It is only through being find themselves upon the threshold of thir- hurt that they acquire substance, the glassy “Strong swimmer required, no previous seeing Kutcher take on a more serious role ty. Chris (Casey Affleck) is married with a sheen of stereotypes becoming flesh before acting experience necessary” was perhaps than usual, the occasional acting he fits in one-year old, but communicates with his our eyes. This open-armed, un-Hollywood the advert placed for Ashton Kutcher’s lat- between training scenes isn’t as bad as I wife solely through hysterical accusations acceptance of imperfection, recalls the film’s est role in The Guardian. The film is about had expected. However, the lack of depth in and exasperated sighs. Izzy (Michael Italian original, L’Ultimo Bacio. However, the remarkable US Coast Guard Rescue both characters doesn’t leave much room Weston) has just been left by his high- the original’s infamous epilogue is cut, Swimmers, who undergo intense training so for much acting. While we are given enough school girlfriend, a beautiful blonde he pro- allowing space for a truly ‘happy ending’ that they can jump out of helicopters during background to Ben and Jake’s lives to fesses to “love forever” despite being (somewhere beyond the final credits). At storms, free-fall into raging waves, and enable us understand their motivations, it is “totally over that chick.” Kenny (Eric the press conference, Zach Braff endorsed save the lives of those that can’t be reached all too trite for us to care. The romantic Christian Olsen), terrified of such entangle- this alteration because, as said before, he is by boat. Kevin Costner plays Ben Randall, side-stories (one each, with Jake, of course, ments, is a Midwestern lothario just looking a romantic and why leave a ‘stain’ at the the most successful rescue swimmer on learning from his mentor that he shouldn’t for a good fuck. Finally there is Michael very end? Like his character Michael- an record, who reluctantly moves into teaching devote himself to his career at the expense (Braff), who has a great job, beautiful girl- architect who tries to build without walls- after suffering a traumatic experience of his love-life) could easily have been left friend, Jenna (Jacinda Barrett), and, to top Braff apparently believes that perfection is whilst on a mission, only to come face to out. it all off, a close-knit posse of “guy guys” possible even in a narrative that unwinds face with Jake (Kutcher), a young, would-be The film does have occasional light-heart- with whom he can bask in his fortune. His the very impossibility of such an ideal. You rescue swimmer determined to beat every ed moments, the special effects are impres- life is so good it has become, as the thera- can have a love without ‘stains’ and you can record set by his mentor. After an initial sive and the rescue scenes are especially pists would sympathize, an issue. His luck live inside walls without being trapped. clash they find that they have more in com- engaging, but two hours and twenty min- comes at a price: no more surprises. When Braff attempts to show that those stains mon than they expect (surprise, surprise) utes is far too long. Although it would per- the beautiful Kim (Rachel Bilson), sidles up and those walls simply don’t matter if they and their dislike of each other turns eventu- haps have been nice to see a less clichéd beside him at a wedding he glimpses can’t be seen. Thus the story of this ally to mutual respect. tribute to what is unquestionably a praise- escape: a chance to mess it all up. Michael romance would seem to be that we should The Guardian is essentially a watered- worthy profession, The Guardian is suffi- loosens his tie, looks his seductress in the all live in rooms of glass. And this would down version of army-based classics such as ciently distracting - just keep your expecta- eye, and starts the emotional roller coaster, appear to be very American indeed. Top Gun and An Officer and a Gentleman. tions low and you won’t be too disappointed. which preoccupies the rest of the movie. Costner’s performance as Ben is perfectly competent and though I was sceptical about Elaine Craig Jennifer Burris

32 varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 Reviews

Blasted: ADC ##### Untimely Figs: Corpus Playroom #####

woman with a stammer who suffers from “Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have of declamatory acting. But these scenes are regular fits, is the focus of Ian’s manipula- breaking news: latest reports confirm that also very funny. With the bathos that arises tive neediness. Ian’s most commonly the world will end at exactly 7:00pm from the shift between grand seriousness uttered phrase is “I love you”- a phrase tonight…” This seems to be the stimulus and base humour, there is always comic that loses its meaning as the play’s horror for the plot of Untimely Figs at the Corpus relief. It may teeter on the precipice, but grows, and the utter hopelessness of the Playroom this week. Taking its name from the play never quite takes itself too serious- pair’s doomed lives become apparent. a passage in Revelations, you have some ly. Half way through the play comes the sense of the tenor of this production: apoca- It is however difficult to escape the feel- entrance of an unnamed soldier, played by lyptic, anticipatory, and chaotic (to a certain ing that we are not taken anywhere with John Reicher. His entrance signals a turn degree). for the worst, an intrusion from the world It is a new piece of writing from Ollie Osh Jones’ production of Blasted is a show outside that foreshadows the blast that Evans, an undergraduate at Clare, and, While there are certain to be proud of. Sarah Kane’s first play is blows the play-world apart. Amusingly, the while there are certain traits which betray notoriously difficult to stage, with a brutal blast is followed by interval tunes by its author – wordiness and a dash of traits which betray its gay rape scene, the eating of a dead baby, ‘Massive Attack’. Cantabridgian pretentiousness – it is mas- and a man’s eyeballs being sucked out and Max Bennett is flawless, he does not terful writing, and steadily punctuated by author – wordiness and eaten. flinch in the gay rape scene, and he does not wit and, occasionally, raucous humour. Not, Kane’s play does indeed “push the bound- shy away from nudity on stage, he is utter- as it happens, quite as raucous as the audi- a dash of Cantabridgian aries of theatre.” Audiences have come a ly professional in every respect and his skill ence members next to me whose constant pretentiousness – it is long way since Blasted’s debut in 1995, and deserves genuine credit. Alex Clatworthy guffaws of laughter seemed to put off the Kane has been generally accepted as one of is both childlike and all knowing - her per- two onstage. The quality of the writing masterful writing, and the quintessential tragic writers of the last formance alludes to wisdom far beyond might have been set off better by less nerv- century. what is expressed verbally. ous actors, who remained in a state of steadily punctuated by Set in a plush hotel room, with an However, it is John Reicher’s powerful intense breathlessness throughout most of unnamed civil war raging in the streets out- presence that steals the show. His portrayal the play. True, they are awaiting some kind wit and, occasionally, side, Blasted explores ideas of desperation is cold and realistic, yet holds shadows of of intangible apocalypse (as the seconds and examines what it means to be human. more tender past. ticking away on a computer screen sus- raucous humour It is not shocking for shocking’s sake. By the play’s end, the soldier is dead, the pended above the stage space remind them) The play aims to provoke reaction, and it set is blown the smithereens, Kate has but there are moments that seem exces- the play. We are never really sure why the succeeds in being unflinchingly brutal. The clearly been forced to trade her body for sively panic-stricken. The two characters, world of these two characters is about to atrocities of war are extricated through the food, and Ian is reduced to a desperate shit- Christopher and Jonathan take it in turns end. We are never sure whether the rest of degradation of genuine feeling and the ero- ting, wanking, crying heap. Humanity is to throw themselves on the floor in despair, the world is ending along with them. But as sion of narrative. reduced to its base primal instincts. This floundering and lamenting missed opportu- this is undoubtedly an entertaining hour of Max Bennett is utterly convincing as Ian, timely production tackles issues that need nities. At other times, they hold bizarre fresh, witty dialogue - it is better just to a middle aged alcoholic journalist who vacil- to be faced and ought not to be missed. poetic battles in which their speech enjoy it rather than to ask. lates between being threatening and becomes irritatingly emphatic and seems to pathetic. Kate (Alex Clatworthy), a young Rhiannon Adam be taken from the Lawrence Olivier school Charlotte Newman greater expectations We will be running a series of We have places available for people events on Monday 30th October to come and participate in workshops, and Tuesday 31st October in discussions and informal conversations. Cambridge for you to meet our If you are interested in attending our people from around the world, workshop, please register online at learn more about McKinsey and www.mckinsey.com/mckinseyoncampus give you some experience of by Wednesday 25th October. the way we help clients solve For further information on McKinsey complex business problems. & Company please visit our websites www.mckinsey.com for information DERXWDOORXURIÀFHVRU www.mckinsey.co.uk for London VSHFLÀFLQIRUPDWLRQ For careers opportunitites, please visit www.mckinsey.com/careers.

varsity.co.uk/arts | 20.10.06 33

The Long Blondes: The Junction, Oct 18th ##### B E

Sheffield seems intent these days on provid- known to cite Stock, Aitken and Waterman, N

J

ing a disproportionate quota of the nation’s the 80s songwriting team behind Kylie and O N

promising new indie-pop acts, presumably Jason, as one of their influences, and their E as some kind of attempt to compensate for commitment to delivering good old-fash- S David Blunkett. The Arctic Monkeys might ioned pop songs to get people dancing is cer- have a Mercury under their belt now, but tainly evident tonight. Favourites like the real stars of the ‘Northern renaissance’ ‘Giddy Stratospheres’ and ‘Weekend are surely the Long Blondes, a band whose Without Make-up’ are flawlessly delivered tunes are almost as catchy as the fashion to an enthusiastic crowd who were more trends sported by their glamorous front- than happy to take them up on the invita- woman Kate Jackson. Tonight they return tion to whip out their best moves. New sin- to Cambridge to headline the Junction, after gle ‘Once and Never again’ proved the high- receiving a rapturous reception at the venue light of the evening, as every girl in the house belted out the refrain “Nineteen, you’re only nineteen for god’s sake/You don’t Jackson is every indie need a boyfriend”, at least before it occured to some of us that we are in fact twenty. boy’s wet dream with Finale ‘Separated by Motorways’ was a punchy pop number that owed a definite her sultry vocals and debt to Le Tigre, and left the crowd wanting frenetic Karen O-style more as we were sadly disappointed by the lack of an encore. Unfortunately their post- dancing gig DJ-set at the Soul Tree didn’t go down quite as well, with the band venturing once too often into the realms of the slightly on the NME New Bands Tour earlier this obscure rather than adhering to their usual- year. Jackson is every indie boy’s wet ly spot-on pop sensibilities. Or maybe the dream with her sultry vocals and frenetic crowd just weren’t in the mood for dancing Karen O-style dancing. She might have anymore after getting charged £6 for a gin made it onto this year’s NME “cool list”, and tonic. Despite that, the Long Blondes which, as far as dubious lists to be on goes is did enough tonight to convince us that they probably not that far behind the sex offend- truly are Sheffield’s finest export since, erm, ers register, but don’t hold that against her. steel, and to leave us in eager anticipation of She might be a fashion icon in the making debut album Someone To Drive You Home, but there’s no pretension about her, nor which hits the shops on November 6th. about the music either – the band have been Liz Bradshaw Mary Bowers

Public Enemy: The Junction, Oct 9th ##### Press Play: P Diddy #####

I’ve always been led to believe that the highlight. Seeming almost reluctant to take With a record label, just three) to hammer the message home. hierarchy of hip-hop is determined by the centre-stage, the DJ proves that as much fashion line, and now But so heavy on guest stars is this album size of one’s ‘piece’. On tonight’s evidence skill is required on the decks as any ‘real TV show to his name, that its tempting to speculate that Diddy Flavor Flav definitely rules the roost with instrument’ and for five minutes he mixes P Diddy is so much of isn’t just collaborating with these musi- one of the most functional medallions the and scratches impeccably with unbelievable an institution it’s dif- cians- he’s hiding behind them. Such specu- genre has ever seen. If clock size is a meas- dexterity. ficult to remember lation, however, is unfair. Diddy’s rapping is ure of ego, the timepiece around his neck is Following Flavor Flav’s solo jaunt, Public that he actually more proficient than ever, and if he fails to a clear demonstration that his is off the Enemy reassert themselves as the ‘seminal’ makes music. Indeed pull off slower numbers, it’s not an error scale. hip-hop act they really are. We are treated it’s been so long since that overshadows the album. And in a lot of ways, tonight is all about to a few of the band’s bigger hits and by the his last album the Despite the usual derivative gloss of time. It is almost twenty years since Public time Flavor Flav has preached his final suspicion was that he’d given up to pursue mainstream rap, Press Play provides Enemy released its debut album and it word on love, harmony and world peace, his more lucrative business ventures. enough punchy beats and solid tunes to seems Flavor Flav’s opinion of himself has most of us are on the way to Argos to buy a Not so, however. Diddy’s back, and in keep everyone happy. And if it’s creator will doubled every year since. The group also bigger watch. case you were in any danger of not noticing never be up there with the hip-hop giants seems unduly concerned about the ‘curfew’ Michael Ansbro that fact, he’s signed up an impressive he endorsed at the start of his career- well, imposed by the Junction which will cut bunch of music A-listers (Christina he’s still got a pretty impressive day job. their set short (and these guys boast they Aguillera, Mary J. Blige and Nas to name Valerie Bell would normally play for four or five hours). No matter the size of a band’s back cata- logue, two hours is more than enough time to entertain an audience. It is clear that Public Enemy is here to The Beatific Versions: The Brakes ##### entertain, and that’s what they do. Chuck D seems content to let Flavor Flav work the crowd. The venue is packed, and after a ‘The Beatific Visions’, have enjoyed records by those bands or slow start and some PE style lessons in stu- Brakes follow up to Brakes last album are going to love this dent politics (“Fuck George Bush”) the gig last summers ‘Give one. really starts to get moving. The audience Blood’, is quite a little They have lost none of the zip and mania tonight is clearly old enough to appreciate gem of an album, that characterised the high points of the that Public Enemy gave the world Rage despite its crap title. last album, but have developed an opti- Against the Machine and it is the rockier Its predecessor was mistic melancholy that sooths you through side to the band’s music that pleases most. loved by everyone the half hour of this album. Eamon’s voice A lecuture about the superiority of that heard it, but has never sounded so good, and compli- groups over individuals in hip-hop follows, sadly never quite got ments the instrumentation perfectly, so it seems bizarre that Flavor Flav gives the recognition it deserved in the music whether the indierock of ‘hold me in the us a sample of his new solo songs. Public press and national radio. This offering how- river’, the sweet country of ‘if I should die Enemy’s philosophy is spot on: with a live ever looks set to blast off into the indiepop tonight’ (would you tell her that I loved drummer, guitarist, bassist, DJ and skies like a bottle-rocket fuelled with her), or the manic staccato of ‘porcupine or renowned frontman Chuck D, Public brighton rock. pineapple’. For me the highlight of the Enemy is a far more formidable and excit- I shouldn’t need to tell you that ‘Brakes’ album is the quite wonderful ‘cease and ing prospect as a group than as a collective consists of members from ‘British Sea desist’, a card game between god and Satan of solo artists. Power’, ‘The Electric Soft Parade’ and ‘The set to arrogant guitar riffage. Regardless of this, DJ Lord’s jaw-drop- Tenderfoot’, but look I just did. People who James Tallant ping solo effort on the decks that is a real 'LOBAL
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www.rbs.com/gbmgraduates Make it happen 36 varsity.co.uk/listings | 19.10.06 Listings FILM THEATRE MUSIC EXHIBITIONS GOING OUT K

E If... Tunng Simon Schama Christ’s College Films Junction Mon 23 Oct, 19.30 E Thu 26 Oct, 22.00 Mon 23 Oct, 19.00, £9 Cambridge Union

W Starring Malcolm MacDowell Folktronica - a genre for indie Professor of history at (the puddin’ faced nutbag from kids who want to pretend Columbia, and a very nice beard

E A Clockwork Orange), Lindsay they’ve embraced techno man. Wrote a load of books Anderson’s nightmarish portrait progress. Tunng however, about history and stuff? This is H of public school sees a group of genuinely have. Seven men heavy stuff guys. Discusses his

T schoolboys go all Nietzschean make a sound like a camp satyr new book Power of Art. Cheeky. and organise a rebellion in an in- doing a mash up of folk, Obstacle 1

F creasingly surreal second half. electronica and pop. Fez, 21.00-02.30, £4 One of the most vital British Purportedly influenced by the New and impressively ambitious

O films of the 1960s. Come dis- Wicker Man, so don’t be clubnight at the Fez with live cover why so many young chaps surprised if they chain you up music -including slutty electro

K at Cambridge are such “The American Dream” inside a hollow wooden statue heroes Coco Electrik, Dead masochistic young gentlemen. 21.30 ADC, Tue 24-28 Oct and set fire to you at the end of Stereo, and DJs Daughters of

C Comedy based on the rotten the gig. the Kaos playing indie/electro. I All films showing at Arts Picturehouse apple that is American bourge- But can you get urine coloured

P unless stated otherwise dom. Critique, yeah? tunng.co.uk cider in the Fez? YOU DECIDE

Clerks (Caius) 20.30 Untimely Figs 19.00 Dan Sartain + Guests Christian Wolff and Shut up and Dance Union, £3 Brick 23.15 Corpus Playroom Portland Arms, 20.00, £6 Apartment House 21.00-01.00. Great electro/indie Our Man in Havana 17.10 Blasted 19.45 ADC Kettle’s Yard 19.30 £8 and beats, cheap drinks FRI The History Boys 18.00, 20.30 Catch this one before it goes The Butterfly + Light Colour Beautiful avant-garde music - Amnesty Comedy + DJ Inja Brothers of the Head 21.00 ‘Art’ 23.00 ADC Sounds + The Resistance distils single notes to form a Kings’ Bar and Cellar, 21.00- The Loft, 20.00, £5 thing called pretentiousness. 01.00, £2. Do it for the kids. 20 Brick 23.15 Untimely Figs 19.00 Mixed Autumn Exhibition Instinct Our Man in Havana 17.10 Corpus Playroom Byard Art St. Mary’s Passage Soul Tree, 22.00-03.00, £6 The Departed 19.00, 21.40 Blasted 19.45 ADC Works by Martha Winter & High powered beats, blood on SAT The History Boys 18.00, 20.30 ‘Art’ 23.00 ADC Steve Strode, 09.30 -17.30 the dancefloor etc etc New works for a new season. Drop it Like It’s Hot, Queens, (Autumn) 21.00-12.45 NO NO NO 21 The Godfather (St. John’s) James Dean Bradfield + Vega 4, Sculptures by Stanley Dove Sunday Service, Club 22, 22.00- 19.00, 23.00 The Junction, 19.00, £8 Cambridge Contemporary Art, 01.00. Heaven & Hell Theme. Good Night and Good Luck Trinity Street, free But mainly hell. SUN 20.30, 22.30 (Christ’s) Songs in the Dark, Clowns Weird stuff, Giacometti-lite bun- Oxjam, Soul Tree, 20.30-12.00 The History Boys 18.00, 20.30 Cafe, 20.00, poetry, song, can- nies on ketamine. £5 - excellent sounding live music dles. Yoga for the mind. night for Oxfam 22 The Departed 21.20 Amy’s View Alpha Road, Light Colour Rodin: All About Eve Versus, Kambar, 22.00-02.30, £3 The History Boys 21.00 Cam Arts Theatre, 19.45, £10 Sound, The Lights Faulty & Kettle’s Yard Grimy electro night for charity., Red Road (with Director A blistering look at culture, The Hotbang Read about the two pieces on dis- well worth a try. MON Q&A) 18.30 power, love and loss. Man on the Moon, Norfolk St, play, wax lyrical about the beauty Fat Poppadaddys Andrea Arnold Short Films 20.00, £5. Loud men with guitars and psychological intensity of Au- Fez, 21.00 - 02.00. Pleasingly 17.30 out for revenge. Bad haircuts. guste Rodin’s sculptures. Get laid. generic. Alright? 23 In My Father’s Den (Caius) “American Dream”19.30 Torben Rees Retro Clothes Sale Precious* LBGT Night 20:30 Corpus Playroom Elm Tree, Orchard St, 21.00, free Fisher Hall, near The Guildhall Club 22, 22.00-02.00 Filipino Stories 18.30 The Living Room 12am Corpus Crooning, think freeform Stock up on vintage clothes here. Pigeon-hole your sexuality. TUE The Departed 21.30 The Alchemist 19.45 ADC narcolepsy and endless tundras You’ll get sneered at by Ebonics, The History Boys 21.00 Grow Up 23.00 ADC of Ikea. academics who wear the real Fez, 22.00-02.00 Etre et Avoir 13.30 thing. You plebs DJ Kayper and MC Inja mush 24 An Inconvenient Truth 17.00 “American Dream”19.30 Sara Mitra Figures on Fabric Mi Casa Tu Casa The Departed 21.45 Corpus Playroom Elm Tree, Orchard St, 21.00, free Fitzwilliam Museum Fez, 21.00-02.00 The History Boys 21.00 The Living Room 12am Corpus Jazz fused with Jazz. I christen An exhibition of beautifully done International Night. Allo Allo WED Talk To Her 19.30 (17 Mill Lane) The Alchemist 19.45 ADC it....jazz. English 17th Century Rumboogie Grow Up 23.00 ADC needlework. Ballare, 21.00-02.00 Take that real world. Pretty much indefensible. 25 A Scanner Darkly 21.00 (John’s) “American Dream”19.30 The Living Room UN Debate, Union, 20.00, £5 Urbanite If... 22.00 (Christ’s) Corpus Playroom CB2, Norfolk St, 9-till late Is the UN dead? Some major is killing Cambridge Russian Ark 21.00 The Living Room 12am Corpus Intimate open mic night, held in figures such as Lib Dem MP Soultree, 21.00-02.00 THU The White Rose 10.30 The Alchemist 19.45 ADC the cosy basement of CB2. You Simon Hughes and Lord Obstacle 1 Grow Up 23.00 ADC can buy booze to get pissed on Hannay opposing. Get your Fez, 21.00-02.30 booze. But no heckling. internationalism on. As it were. Real boys hate this

26 Grow Up BOOK NOW Wed 25 Oct - Sat 28 Oct the stage after a critically Yo La Tengo ADC, £5 acclaimed run at the The Junction, 19.00, £15 Edinburgh Fringe. Trimmed Thu 9 Nov Ah the Footlights. Jokers all. and toned like a Blue’s W They actually are though! perineal muscles, two years Giants of US alt. rock, Jokers that is. I mean look at worth of revues, stand-ups, touring in support of their O this one, show - all funny and music and films have created latest album, the incredibly jokey. One4review.com called this many-headed monster of named I Am Not Afraid of N it “Utter crap”, but if they exuberant comedy. Even You and I Will Beat Your looked into their heart of better, now you don’t have to Ass. Don’t need no quips K hearts they’d realise how rude go to weird, messed up for that. (Bums) they are being. Instead of Scotland to see it - you can O bringing lumps of faeces to see it all in the ADC, the local the ADC, four of the theatre club. You might still O Cambridge’s Footlights - Tom get your eye taken out by a

B Kingsley, Anna O’ Grady, Tom chiffon scarf though, so bring Williams and Tom Sharpe are a gun and rations. actually bringing an hour of perfectly tuned sketches to www.pleaseGROWup.com

varsity.co.uk/discuss | 20.10.06 37

Cambridge Crisis: answers to your problems Corrections and clarifications »“I am terrified of hurting someone I love” »Dr Manmohan Singh and not Mahmoud Singh was the distin- Dear Varsity, interesting, funny and similar to he felt he was overly flirtatious one I love and throwing away an guished visitor to Senate House last me, but I am increasingly realising and possessive of me. otherwise solid and loving rela- week. He was incorrectly credited on For the last four years I have that the feelings I have for him tionship for someone who may not the front page and in the editorial. been in a relationship with some- are more than just friendship. I I feel completely at a loss; I love feel the same. I feel so lost and Varsity would like to apologise for one I love very much, and who believe he feels similarly, despite my boyfriend, but am beginning to guilty, yet the idea of cutting off any offence caused. does not go to Cambridge. Yet in having a girlfriend from home, as realise that the extent of my feel- my friendship with Tim makes me the last month, I have had strong we spend all our time together ings for Tim must suggest some- feel empty – since I have known »The Hawks’ Club may be branch- feelings for someone ( I will call and have a very tactile and inti- thing in my current relationship is him I have enjoyed Cambridge so ing out, but not to the Soul Tree. him Tim) I launched into a quick mate relationship. We have never amiss. When I am at home visiting much more. While this Sunday’s Oxjam is sup- and intense friendship with. discussed our feelings or done my boyfriend all I want is to be ported by the Hawks’, it is actually anything that ‘friends’ wouldn’t back in college so I can see Tim. Yours, organised by Daniel Chandler. At first I believed it was do, but even my boyfriend com- because he was someone I found mented that he didn’t like Tim as I am terrified of hurting some- Charlotte »In response to requests received for solutions to the puzzles and cross- words printed so far this term, they Dear Charlotte, visit you in Cambridge? Do you have his Cambridge degree and alpha- also say that whenever you are at can be viewed at varsity.co.uk other friends and activities in com- male attitude; then try to visualize home with him you wish you could be I think you’ve answered your own mon? your ex, nearly thirty, riding the city back with Tim again. It seems to me It is Varsity’s policy to amend all question here - it seems clear that bus in Yorkshire, still unable to that you need to give serious thought significant errors as soon as possible your feelings for ‘Tim’ are (at least Lastly, please be assured that in decide whether to comb his hair as to what effect being in Cambridge in the digital edition on varsity.co.uk now) stronger. Most problems are affairs of the heart, there are never backwards or forwards. It's a no- is having on your relationship per- and in the archives. Please email any exacerbated by a lack of communica- any “right” answers - and you must- brainer, really. spective and what your boyfriend errors to [email protected] tion, and you should begin by talking n’t feel guilty about choosing a means to you. Tim might be a noting the issue and page number(s). to Tim seriously to find out how he least-wrong one. Dr Martin Ruehl Cambridge fantasy that will fade, so Or telephone the business manager feels. After you have done that, you Director of Studies in History be careful. Never forget that you fell on 01223 337575 between 9:30am and need to make up your own mind: I hope that helps Sidney Sussex College in love with your boyfriend in the 5pm Monday to Friday. whom would you rather be with in 2 real world and the two of you might years’ time: your current boyfriend, Cupid Charlotte, just have something that Cambridge Tim, or neither. from http://romance.ucam.org won't be able to take away in the » “David Relationships in Cambridge are diffi- long term. Then, talk to your boyfriend and Dear Charlotte, cult. Just like everything else in this Cameron’s a fan of first, ask him how he feels things are funny little town, everything about Remember, if you ever need to talk, going/will go for you two. Then, if This looks like the classic love-vs - them seems to be exaggerated - The Wyverns are here. The Smiths, you’re sure you really want to loyalty dilemma. Effi Briest, Madame the stuff that used to pass change, you have to break up with Bovary and a few other nineteenth- between you and your James Gibbon, Gordon Brown him: it’s not easy, but it would other- century novels come to mind, where boyfriend without mention - President of the knows who the wise be unfair to all three of you. similar circumstances lead to the suddenly seems like the Wyverns (You absolutely must do this in per- death of the heroine. You did well to biggest problem in the world. Arctic Monkeys son, however difficult it is for you: contact Cambridge Crisis and proba- Unfortunately, that is you have no alternative but to hurt bly won't have to go down that road. Cambridge and we are trapped are. Politicians are him, however, you can make it hurt in the bubble whether we less.) Fortunately, it is possible to sal- According to an old German proverb, like it or not. not supposed to be vage a lasting friendship out of your a woman should stand by her man, Tim is in the bub- relationship. This is worth it in the give him two arms to cling to and ble with you, so hip and groovy, end, but will require a lot of effort something warm to come home to. he understands and kindness on your part - and But the romantic advice of Germans what you're sitting on the you’ll have to fight for it. is not given much weight in the going through developed world anymore. and this may lead couch with Alternatively, you must back-off you to listen to from Tim, and talk with your Personally, I believe fidelity is over- your Cambridge Richard and Judy.” boyfriend about what you both can rated. Go with tactile Tim and do the head as opposed do. Long-distance relationships are things friends wouldn't do. And if to you heart. really hard to maintain, and commit- you want to be bourgeois about it: You say that you ment alone isn’t enough. Are you see- think of the six-digit salary he'll be love your Billy Bragg speaks ing enough of him in person? Does he raking in a few years from now with boyfriend but to varsity.co.uk

new words (13) Games 25. Article within an article for a servant of Varsity crossword no. 455 Varsity.co.uk: the king (5) Poll Results 26. Some of late return to malign German is 12345678 reader of the Mishnah and the Gemera (9) We asked: So how much of a 27. Composer is otherwise in dodgy inn (7) library urchin are you anyway? 28. Bodybuilder missing article on a minor a) I’ve hired the bedder as a planet (7) 9 10 part-time librarian. Concise b) The law shelf’s not so well Down stocked as it was. Crossword 1+4. Mr. Sowerberry’s apprentice was flood- ed with pottery staff? (4,8) 11 11 c) There is that copy I borrowed Across Set by NENWES 2. Drink from it, the barley vase (4,3) in Freshers’ Week... 3. Symbols of peace found in desperado ves- 12 10 d) What! Libraries are sacro- 1. Mad icon confused, wandering all over sel (5) sanct. the place (7) 4. See 1 down 13 14 15 5. German referring to nothing Spanish 5. Wage for example all reversed for a trin- somewhere in the Caribbean (7) ket (6) 13 16 9. Some of “Leviathan” covered with ale to 6. All those in hell lived sore confused (9) make it easier (9) 7. Gained from Hamas sedition (7) 17 18 19 20 10+20. Author is taking absinthe initially, fol- 8. Man’s rodent breaks decorations (10) 17% lowed by a wine from this region? (5,7) 12. Duke might get sucked off in a bog? (10) 21 39% (a) 11. Mourinho, with acidity plus half mud- 14. Blix is around English port for presenta- (d) dled derision, founded Spectator (6,7) tions (9) 22 23 14% 13. Beige is misery to Florentine or 16. Let us sup horrible suppurations (8) (b) Benedict? (8) 18. Being in favour of pronouncing 25 lazily 19 24 15. The French, pursuing grand and large is obscene (7) 28% bra-sizes, interfere (6) 20. See 10 across 25 26 (c) 17. What’s spoken in Watership Down — 21. Boy detective is returning parasite twice little awkward initially, and long (6) (6) 22 19. Spay’s cut violently — what’s new? (8) 23. Sort of oil is unanalysed (5) 22. Somehow all cities go on, it’s to do with 24. Virile man, a sort of poker (4) 27 28 Go to varsity.co.uk for games solu- tion and to vote in our poll P

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Careers Service events

Careers in Economics Wednesday 25 October 2006 – 1.00pm to 3.00pm Marshall Library of Economics, Sidgwick Site For undergraduates and postgraduates - Careers and Internships in economics. Come and talk to:

Bank of England LECG CRA International NERA Economic Consulting Deloitte Ofgem Frontier Economics Oxera Global Energy Decisions PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP Grant Thornton UK LLP RBB Economics LLP Institute for Fiscal Studies

Careers for Mathematicians Thursday 26 October 2006 - 4.30pm to 7.00pm Centre for Mathematical Sciences, Clarkson Road This event is not just for those currently reading maths, but is open to all Cambridge undergraduates and staff with a good mathematical background.

Aon Limited Goldman Sachs International Ltd Bank of England G C H Q BNP Paribas HSBC Actuaries + Consultants Limited Cantab Capital Partners IBM United Kingdom Limited Capital One Bank (Europe) plc Mars & Co Data Connection Limited Mercer Human Resource Consulting De Putron Fund Management (DPFM) Norwich Union Insurance Group Deloitte Punter Southall & Co Deutsche Bank The Actuarial Profession Electronic Arts Towers Perrin EMB Consultancy LLP Watson Wyatt LL

Check our website, the Careers Service Guide, and Diary for full details of all our events, employers, careers, and many ideas from the conventional to the unconventional. www.careers.cam.ac.uk Teach First’s graduate programme is a unique opportunity to be different and to make a difference. It’s an innovative combination of teaching with management skills training and leadership development, plus unparalleled internship, networking and coaching opportunities. Whatever you aim to do with your career, Teach First.

EVENT: Cambridge Milkround Presentation DATE: Monday 23rd October 2006 TIME: 7.00pm in Michaelhouse Café, Trinity Street REGISTER: [email protected]

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www.teachfirst.org.uk Join us Networking Drinks

Date & Time: 24 October 2006, 7.00pm Venue: Ta Bouche, 10–15 Market Passage, Sidney Street, Cambridge, CB2 3PF

UBS would like to invite you to drinks with members of our investment banking and markets businesses.

It starts with you: www.ubs.com/graduates Marketing Fellowships 2007 Ambidextrous brains required

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Information leaflets are available from: To find out more, come and meet us on: Harriet Miller at WPP, 27 Farm Street, London W1J 5RJ 23 October 2006 1 November 2006 E-mail: [email protected] 6.30pm 3.30pm – 6pm Kettle’s Yard, Communications Event Castle Street, The Howard Building, Cambridge Downing College, Cambridge Deadline for entry: 17 November 2006 visit our website and apply online at www.wpp.com You’re a numbers person It’s time to connect your skills to your future

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Contact: Hannah Kvan, Personnel Division, The Old Schools, Trinity Lane, CB2 1TT Tel: (7)64091 www.admin.cam.ac.uk/offices/personnel/staffdev/springboard/ and anapplicationform. room.co.uk forfurtherdetails terms 2007. Playroom inLentandEaster direct/produce attheCorpus currently opento Please seewww involved, please [email protected] Graduation Yearbook.If youwanttoget designers fortheUniversityof Cambridge Varsity applications are to announcethat College areproud Corpus Christi Players and The Fletcher are currentlylookingforeditors and .corpusplay - Advertise on this page

from just £20!E-mail [email protected] the morning... beckons -butitsbacktotheofficein W a > College. Email:[email protected] Kourbaj, V models welcome).Contact:Mr drawing, £11perhour(inexperienced V > Classifieds arsity HAPPY MODELS REQUIRED very happy21stbirthdayfor ednesday 25thOctober would liketowishMrGosden BIR isual ArtCentre,Christ’ HA JOE THDAY : . For life Cindy’s : All at s 46 varsity.co.uk/sport | 20.10.06

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Men’s college round-up Cambridge pair riding high »Cutts and McGoldrick selected as riders in British student team

Christ’s lost 49-6 to Homerton in a Division 2 rugby match, but got their own back with an 8-2 win when the colleges met in football Division 2. Churchill didn’t do so well in rugby this week, losing 10- 0 to Sidney (Division 3, Pool A). The football third team also fared badly in Division 5, losing 7-1 to Darwin’s second team. But there was little to cheer about for Darwin’s first team, who lost 7-0 to Catz in football Division 3. Churchill’s firsts, though, won 1-0 over John’s in a potentially title- deciding match in football Division 1. Clare won 5-3 against Emmanuel in rugby Division 3, Pool B. There was a mixed bag elsewhere for Emma, whose high- ly-fancied hockey team beat Homerton 5-0 in cuppers but lost 6-1 to Jesus in a key clash in the top league. But in rugby the Jesuits suffered a 24-5 drubbing by St John's. Corpus’s football team went down 2-1 against Fitzwilliam this week in Division 3. The hockey team won 3-1 against Queen’s in Division 2. Downing had a torrid week, los- ing 4-3 to ARU in football and going down 27-3 at the hands of Girton in Division 1. The hockey team had better luck, against Fitzwilliam, winning 2-1 in Division 2. But this was a mixed week for Fitz, as the football first team won 3-1 against Caius in Division 1, while the second team also won their Division 3 game 2-1 against Corpus. In the rugby, Fitz beat Peterhouse 31-14 in Division 2. At Girton the rugby team defeated Downing 27-3 in Cutts won the gold medal for her performance in the individual showjumping at the Student Riding Nations Cup their Division 1 match, but the first team lost 3-1 to Jesus in the team from 15 nations to see two of its members of the Cambridge riding Cutts is hoping to take her mare football Division 1, and the second VARSITY SPORTS REPORTER riders win through to the showjump- team, which has seen success at Piccola Star to Badminton next team lost 4-3 to Pembroke’s sec- ing semi final, with Cutts taking BUSA competitions in recent years , Spring, whilst McGoldrick is current- onds 4-3, in Division 5. Caius' It is an achievement for any universi- show jumping Individual Gold. with Cutts winning the individual ly working with a very promising six rugby lads got their season off to a ty to have a student in a British team McGoldrick was 5th in the event in 2006, and Cambridge win- year-old horse, whilst combining her fine start, beating Robinson 60-5 – let alone have 2 members out of a showjumping and also 8th in the ning as a team back in 2004. work with studying to be a vet. in Division 3 Pool B. King's first team of 3. But this is what combined competition. Cutts, the team captain, says”‘The “Obviously it is hard work fitting footballers faced the ignominy of Cambridge has just achieved after a The competitions are designed to level of Student Riding is getting everything in, but definitely worth losing, suffering a sorrowful 5-2 to sensational set of performances from test the ability of riders to get the higher and higher – Cambridge it,” she says. a second team - this time from two of its students, as part of the best out of a strange horse, as each should be able to field a very strong Riding is expensive, and even the Jesus. Magdalene rugby has British team, at the Student Riding person is given just five minues with team this year and we definitely British student team is currently self- started the season strongly with a Nations Cup (SRNC) in Bonn, a horse before the assessed session have the BUSA title in our sights. funding. However, in Cambridge, 26-8 win over Pembroke. Also in Germany. starts. Competition is fierce, as stu- Having won Varsity by large mar- IBM Sporting bursaries have helped rugby, Trinity beat Queen’s and Sam Cutts (Emmanuel) and dent riding is taken very seriously on gins for the last 3 years, we have a the team. And the money seems well Tit Hall drew with Catz. Natalie McGoldrick (Churchill) the continent. reputation to keep up against the spent, with Cambridge able to boast ensured Great Britain was the only McGoldrick and Cutts are both Dark Side too.” two of the best riders in the country Hockey boys flying high as Magpies downed

After a lively opening, it was the deflection and it sent the ball wide of away his second. he passed to his college-mate Mark Cambridge 4 Magpies who scored the first goal, the left post straight to Alun Rees, Harleston responded well to going Greatholder who slipped the ball Magpies 2 although Cambridge must have fel ta who made no mistake and put the ball a goal down and managed a rare pen- beautifully under his arm without sense of injustice as it came complete- in the roof of the net. etration into the Blues’ final 25-yard even looking to Dave Jones. Jones ly against the run of play. The open- With the scores level, the game set- area. Some scrappy goalmouth action then dummied right, went left, round- ILAN FEDER ing came from a drag flick that went tled into a more even state of play. ended in a Harleston shot being ed the keeper and pushed into the goal hard and low into the bottom left hand The Blues managed to maintain some stopped on the line by Ben Crooks’s on his reverse stick to make it 4-2. corner, past a despairing dive from of their earlier momentum, and a fur- right breast, and the umpires award- Much of the credit for Cambridge’s This weekend saw the Blues triumph keeper Simon Harger and his out- ther period of sustained pressure fol- ed a penalty stroke, which was duly dominance belongs to man-of-the- in a top of the table clash withfierce stretched stick. lowed. However, the stalemate could put away to level the scores again. match Dave Saunders, whose distri- rivals Harleston Magpies. Before the That turned out to be Harleston’s not be broken before half time, and as It seemed at this stage that bution, reading of the game and tack- game, Harleston were a fraction ahead only clear cut chance of the half as, the whistle was blown the teams Harleston would happily take the ling was first rate. New to the Blues of the Blues in the league standings, unperturbed, Cambridge pushed for- trudged off with the score at one a- point, but Cambridge were happy to this year, Saunders has performed edging the lead on goal difference, with ward aggressively, constantly forcing piece. disappoint them. A textbook-free hit well at the higher level. both teams on 100% records. The the Magpies to smash the ball off the After the break Cambridge start- from Tom Littlewood found Irishman, As soon as the final whistle blew, Magpies must have felt that they were pitch to relieve some pressure. The ed brightly, scoring their second who finished off a training-ground the Cambridge players celebrated a favourites as they had won convincing- Blues’ first short corner came quickly goal fairly soon after the restart move to score on his debut. wholly deserved victory. Going top ly in a pre-season ‘friendly’. But on and was met with unreserved cele- from another short corner. The ball Not content with three, the Blues of the table, and having beaten their Saturday they were facing a very dif- bration; the Blues’ confidence justi- was slipped right from the top to pressed on, and their last goal was the closest rivals, it seems well within ferent Blues side; one that is deter- fied by the quick-fire equaliser that captain Mike Palmer, who stroked best, involving all three Catz boys. the Blues’ grasp to return to the mined, aggressive and expects to win, followed. Mark Greatholder got a lit- the ball hard and fast to Rees who After a skilful run from Nick McLaren National League at the first time of especially at fortress Wilby. tle bit too much stick on the intended was poised at the back post to put in which he beat at least two players asking.

varsity.co.uk/sport | 20.10.06 47

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Spirited Rugby Talking double Dutch Blues lose out

»One korfball player explains why he loves the Dutch national sport Nottingham 20 seamlessly, and after a couple of weeks Cambridge 13 you’ll feel like you’ve been playing since you were a toddler. CUKC is comprised of two teams, who both play regular matches in a While not the victory it could and (confusingly) vibrant local league. should have been, Cambridge put Training takes place once a week for in an encouraging performance two hours during Michaelmas, with an far better than at Bedford last extra weekly session after Christmas week. A brace of well-worked as the team warms up for the two focal tries and a solid game from the points of the year, the Varsity match front five were not enough to keep and the BUSA National Tournament. out a strong Nottingham side. The Blues went ahead in the first ten minutes as Andy ‘Korfball’s defi- Davidson converted a penalty opportunity. This brief lead was nitely a real quickly stolen as Nottingham’s US international scrum half scored an sport and, like it outstanding individual effort from the back of the scrum. Nottingham or not, it’s here failed to convert and the Blues to stay” took back the lead with a nicely worked try around the fringes, fin- ished off by Jono Murray, playing well in the 14 shirt. Unfortunately, the conversion was missed and the lead was again The Varsity match happens in mid- short lived. First time tackles February, and will be taking place in were missed on a number of occa- Cambridge this year as we look to sions, putting the Blues on the reclaim the trophy on home turf. There back foot for the remainder of the will also be some more light-hearted half; Nottingham duly took this enjoyment this term, as we send a opportunity to run in two further team to the fancy-dress freshers’ tour- tries, leaving the score at half time nament in Nottingham in a couple of 8-15 in Nottingham’s favour. Korfball has become increasingly popular with players of both sexes across Europe weeks’ time, and to the BUSA Cambridge came out in the sec- Southerns competition in November, ond half keen to avenge the mis- GEORGE MARSHALL shoot into high, wicker baskets which works very, very well. which acts as a warm up for the later takes of the first forty minutes. are set in from the ends of the court to But you get the idea: korfball’s defi- national tournament. Their forwards controlled pro- allow shooting from and movement nitely a real sport, it’s here to stay, and Korfball is a great way to get all the ceedings, Dave O’Brien in particu- Call it what you like – k-ball, gay-ball, around all sides of the basket. You is a sport given its peculiar charm by benefits of a university sport – the lar playing well on the flank, but stupid-ball, Dutch mixed netball – its combination of men and women – opportunity to meet people from other were unable to make anything out korfball can truly be said to be taking that’s not to say that it’s purely a forum unis, the chance to line up against of a number of promising five the sporting world of Cambridge by ‘You absolutely for Natscis and New Hall girls to prac- Oxford and receive a half-blue for your metre scrums and driving mauls. storm. tice their social skills, but that it allows efforts – without having to give up too But this dominance was rewarded So what is korfball? Well, it can be must not take sports enthusiasts to play a skillful and much of your precious time. It’s acces- in time as the commanding Ross loosely described as a mixture of net- the ball off a satisfying sport without being over- sible, fun, sociable and – one for the Blake was able to sneak over the ball, basketball and sexual equality whelmed by the testosterone of the sceptics – most definitely a real sport. line. legislation, being as it is the only mixed member of the rugby pitch or the oestrogen of the Sustained pressure won a penal- sport officially recognised by the Blues netball court. Did you know? ty on the fifteen metre line, giving committee in Cambridge. Apparently opposite sex” Virtually nobody has heard of korf- the Blues the opportunity to take it was popular in London during the ball before coming to Cambridge, so it • Korfball was invented in 1902, the lead going into the last twenty Second World War: I was most sur- is a particularly accessible sport. It is by Dutch schoolteacher Nico minutes, but the kick went wide. A prised when my Gran nodded in recog- easy – and easily forgivable - to come Broekhuysen tense final ten minutes followed, in nition at my latest choice of leisure here and think that if you dare to try • “Korf” is the Dutch word for which both sides fought fiercely pursuit last Christmas. something new you’ll just get laughed “Basket” for the final points. But with two There are four men and four must not run with or bounce the ball, off the court because everybody else • Wicker has been documented minutes to go Nottingham took women on each korfball team, split or take it off a member of the opposite has at least represented their county as far back as ancient Egypt advantage of a tiring Cambridge into two “divisions” of two men and sex without asking very politely. As in the sport you’ve turned up to for the • Local rivals UAE have held the pack to score a try from the back two women, each of which is confined you might expect from a sport devel- first time. Not so with korfball. I’m BUSA korfball crown for the of a driving maul, and take the to one end of the court at any one time oped in a country with more bike certain that if you come along to one of last two years. game out of reach. to either attack or defend. Players lanes than England has bikes, it our training sessions you’ll blend in Life as an Osprey: Varsity speaks to President Dilly Nock

SOPHIE JAMAL & to live in the shadow of their coun- sportswomen are also renowned for Clubhouse on Jesus Lane – open on terparts at the Hawks’ club. their ability to socialise. As mem- Thursdays and Saturdays – for JOAN IYIOLA Dilly Nock is the woman in charge bers, the Ospreys benefit from Ospreys and their guests, and made of the club, and, as President, it is queue jump at both Rumboogie on a possible by the Sponsors of the The Ospreys’, Cambridge’s presti- her job to help promote women’s Wednesday and Super Sundays at Ospreys (IBM, Citigroup, McKinsey, gious society for female athletes, is sport in Cambridge. She is also Soul Tree, both of which they help to Merryl Lynch, RBS and CSFB), at the heart of female sporting and charged with improving both the support. Doing so helps the Ospreys’ whose money goes towards the social activities within the image and the activities of the to fulfil another important function, maintenance of the Clubhouse. University. Somehow these women Ospreys’. Like all other Ospreys, as they can help fund sports team- Boasting a room with a bar, sofas manage to balance up to five train- Miss Nock was forced to meet the swith a cut of the money taken from and a TV, Miss Nock wants to ing sessions a week and regular com- strict regulations before she was the door each week. encourage members to take advan- petitions – at the highest of levels – allowed to become a member. They also have an Annual Dinner tage of it. She claims that it provides whilst working towards a degree. ‘Any sportswoman who is award- in London the night before the men’s a good opportunity for the sports to All this is done, of course, with ed a Blue, Half-Blue or university Rugby Varsity Match for old and become more integrated, which is almost no allowances or extra help colours in their sport is eligible for new Ospreys’, a May Week event important in raising the profile of from supervisors. Osprey’s membership’, she explains. and various other social activities – women’s sport, and providing sup- But women’s sport has traditional- As might be imagined, Osprey mem- last year they organised cocktails port for those involved. ly taken a back seat to men’s compe- bers come from ‘quite a cross-section and speed dating, in addition to their While top female athletes might titions in Cambridge. There is no of the student population’. Christmas club night, ‘Sexy Santas’. still not receive as much recognition female event on the scale of the Boat Even with the burden of training, In an attempt to widen the reach as their male counterparts, the Race or the Rugby Varsity match. matches and a degree to contend of the club, this year the Ospreys’ Ospreys’ are helping to raise the pro- The Ospreys’ have often been forced with, it is clear that Cambridge’s have opened their very own file of women’s sport in Cambridge.

SPORT | 20.10.06 Korfball Round-up varsity.co.uk/sport A fan explains all Latest college news [email protected] page 47 page 46

CAPTAIN’S CORNER Lacrosse girls suffer the Blues Men’s Tennis »Varsity match fears after Oxford beat Cambridge in BUSA

TIM MURRAY

How did you become captain? I'd like to say it's because I'm the best player but I think the other guys in the team might have some- thing to say about that... I’ve been in the team longest so have the best idea about what's involved, and also I was very keen to do it. What’s the standard like in Cambridge? The standard is as high as it has been for a few years- several of the Blues have played internationally in one form or another. In terms of comparisons with other universities it's hard to tell as we tend to play clubs like Wimbledon and Queens, but we drew with Bath, who were BUSA runners-up last year, so we Cambridge’s Seleznev fights for the ball but Cambridge’s bright start was not enough to stave off defeat are more than competitive. turn their advantage into a win. gaining possession and they quickly Brown made a string of fantastic LIZ MORRIS Is tennis seen as elitist? But there were numerous bright scored a surprisingly easy goal. Welsh saves to keep Cambridge in the game, I know this is sadly true in some points for Cambridge, and the international Lloyd immediately rightfully being named Man of the places, but certainly in Cambridge strength and depth which the new fought back, scoring a stormer to Match, and at half time Cambridge this is not the case as we have a Cambridge 10 freshers provided seems a real bonus embarrass Oxford’s experienced were leading 8-5. vibrant social section open to any- Oxford 12 for the squad. The end of last year defence. Jesus college’s stars But after such a positive first half one enthusiastic enough to come marked the graduation of so many Glanville-Wallis and Morland followed hour, Cambridge struggled to keep up along, as well as three men's and Blues players, but even so Captain Lloyd’s example and scored the next their momentum in the second half, women's teams. The problem in The women’s lacrosse Blues’ BUSA Claire Nance has claimed that she two goals in quick succession. and quickly lost their advantage, the general is that tennis is expensive fixture against Oxford, their first com- remains confident about the team’s Down 3-1 in ten minutes, a panicked sides becoming locked at 9-9. to play, which does put people off, petitive match of the season, ended in abilities. This year’s Varsity match, to Oxford called a time-out to re-group, Cambridge were looking ever though I'm not really sure what can a worrying defeat as Cambridge be played on Parker’s Piece on but Lloyd soon added two more goals weaker and, despite a second goal be done about that. proved too weak for a resurgent Saturday 3rd March, will provide a to Cambridge’s tally, completing her from Morland, the Blues were power- How often do people mention that Oxford side. Following victory in the stern test for the Blues in what is hat-trick. The next twenty minutes less in the face of Oxford’s attack, you share a surname with the Varsity match last season, the always a close fixture, and were littered with great goals from falling two goals behind. There was no British number one? Cambridge team had the upper hand Wednesday’s result will have done lit- both sides, notably two from Tess response for the Blues, and in an omi- Surprisingly it does tend to come going into Wednesday’s BUSA match, tle to ease the tension. Khoo (Churchill) and one more from nous sign for next year’s Varsity, up every once in a while! Although but they found themselves unable to Oxford started by immediately Morland. Goalkeeper Alex Carneggie- Oxford solidly held on for victory. most people go one step further and pick out the 'Tim' from Henman as well. If only I had the game to The match the name! Week In Ed Cumming Weather FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR

Re-arrange the letters by rotating the Hitori Sudoku Kakuro discs to create six separate six-letter Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never words leading in to the centre. Email vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single 1 through 9 exactly once. use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur continuous area. in the same row in a separate run). your answer to: [email protected] 4 8 7 9 5 2 1 3 6 2 7 5 7 9 9 S 1 6 5 E 4 7 1 7 6 4 3 20 15 E 6 2 1 8 4 A 17 W C U A U

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