Safe Relationships, Safer Sex SafeSafe Relationships,Relationships, Safe SaferSafer SexSex Relationships, Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safer Sex This booklet is for learning about: • our bodies • public and private places • types of relationships • keeping ourselves safe in sexy relationships
This booklet has been developed for use with people who have learning disabilities. We recommend parents or carers read and discuss the content to check understanding and clarify values regarding sexuality and relationships.
Publications are most effective when used as part of a comprehensive sexuality and relationships education programme.
4Safe Relationships,Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 1 Public Body Parts We all have public and private parts of our bodies. We are going to learn a little about the difference between public body parts and private body parts.
Some public parts of our bodies are our hands, feet and arms. These parts are OK for other people to see and are sometimes touched. E.g. Shaking hands to say ‘hello.’
➲ Time to talk... Can you name some parts of the body that are public parts?
4 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 1 Private body parts Both males and females have private body parts. These parts of our body are usually covered with our underwear.
The private parts of The private parts of the male’s body are: a female’s body are:
Breasts
Vulva - outside parts Bottom Penis Vagina - inside Scrotum
2 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 3 People should always ask before touching or looking at your private parts. They must wait until you say it is okay.
It is OK for you to say “No.”
For some people the head can also be a private part. You should always ask before you touch a person’s head.
➲ Time to talk... Can you name some of your private parts?
Jo and Sam are special friends and decide to go to the movies. A stranger puts his hand on Jo’s bottom. Jo did not like being touched on her private part. What could Jo do?
2 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 3 Public places Public places are places where many people can visit. The lounge, park and library are all public places. These places are shared and people can visit without asking.
4 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 5 In a public place you do not look at, or touch, your private parts.
Here are some things you might do in a public place.
4 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 5 ➲ Time to talk... In a public place, can you: 1. Hold hands with a special friend? 2. Sexy kiss with your special friend? 3. Shake hands to say hello? 4. Hug your mum or dad?
Jo and Sam are at the movies, there are many others there too. This is because it is a public place. They feel happy to be together and want to hold hands. This is OK touch in a public place.
6 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Private places Private places are places where you usually close the door and you are on your own.
The bathroom, your bedroom and the toilet are all private places. People should always ask before coming into your private place. Sometimes we knock to show that we would like to come in.
Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 7 When you are in a private place you can touch the private parts of your body. E.g. You can masturbate in your bedroom. This is when you touch or rub your private parts.
If you say it is OK, then another person can touch your private parts in a private place. E.g. You can have sex in your bedroom.
Private is when you are either on your own or with someone you want to be with. The door is closed.
8 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 9 ➲ Time to talk... 1. Name a private place of your own. 2. What must you remember to do before you enter someone else’s private place?
Jo and Sam are feeling sexy and want to be on their own. They go to Sam’s bedroom and close the door. They know that they are in private and can be sexy together.
8 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 9 Types of relationships
A relationship is when you get to know another person.
We have different relationships with different people. You can choose who you want to have a relationship with.
Sometimes you may want to be friends with someone but they don’t want to be friends with you. Everybody chooses their relationships.
10 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 11 Looking after you You are the most important person you know. You know how you feel, you know what you like. You know what you are thinking.
It is important to feel happy with yourself. Take time to enjoy being on your own by doing something you enjoy. You need to be OK with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
➲ Time to talk... 1. What are some things you like to do on your own?
10 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 11 Differences in relationships There are four main types of relationships we have in our lives:
J Strangers are people we don’t know at all. We don’t know their names.
12 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 13 J Acquaintances are people we have met before, but don’t know very much about them.
You can wave or shake hands with an acquaintance.
J Friendships are with people we know well. We know their name and might know special things about them. Family can also be friends.
It is OK to hug a good friend when you meet them or say goodbye.
12 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 13 J Sometimes you might have sexy feelings about a special person and want a sexual relationship. This person could be your boyfriend, or girlfriend.
A man and a women can have a sexual relationship. They are called heterosexual, or straight.
A man can have a sexual relationship with another man. They are called gay, or homosexual.
A woman can have a sexual relationship with another woman. They are called lesbian.
Some people have sexual relationships with either men or women and they are called bisexual.
14 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 15 Should I or shouldn’t I... There is a lot to think about before you have a sexual relationship.
Sexy Touch There are lots of ways to feel sexy together. Some people kiss, cuddle and touch each other in a sexy way. Some people decide to have sex. Some people choose not to have sex.
Being sexy and having sex should make you feel good. If you both feel this way then it is not something to feel bad or sad about. Talk about what makes you feel good. If something makes you sore it is OK to stop. If a partner says NO, stop what you are doing.
Sexy touch should feel nice.
14 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 15 People can do many things in a sexual relationship.
Some people enjoy doing all of these things. Some people don’t want to do any. Everybody is different. It is important that both people in the relationship feel safe and happy.
16 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 17 Sexy touch is OK if… 3 You and your partner say “yes.” 3 You and your partner are old enough. 3 You are in a private room and the door is closed. 3 You and your partner are NOT from the same family, or your partner is not your carer or support worker.
➲ Time to talk... 1. What are some other ways people could say yes? (nodding, signing) 2. What are some ways of being sexy together?
Jo is feeling sexy but Sam does not want to have sex. Sam offers to give Jo a massage that makes them both feel good.
16 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 17 Decision making
Before you have a sexual relationship with someone, it is important to make some important decisions together.
Talking will help you to understand what the other is feeling and thinking.
By talking, you will be able to make decisions that you are both happy and comfortable with.
By looking after each other, you will both be healthy.
18 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 19 Some decisions you may need to make include: • Do I want to have sex? • How can I protect myself from Sexually Transmissible Infections (STIs)? • Do I want to have a baby? • If I don’t want a baby – which contraception would be best for me?
➲ Time to talk... 1. What is an STI? 2. How can I make sure that my new partner does not have an STI?
Jo and Sam have made the decision to have sexual intercourse, where a man puts his penis into a woman’s vagina. Jo has not had an STI test and thinks it would be a good idea before they have sex. Sam and Jo go to the clinic together. They get their results a few weeks later. The results show that neither of them have an STI.
18 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 19 Contraception Contraception is used to stop a pregnancy. If a man and a woman have sexual intercourse and don’t want to make a baby, they use contraception. Using contraception means that you can relax and enjoy sexual intercourse without worrying about making a baby. There are different types of contraception. Talk to your doctor or nurse about which contraception is best for you.
Jo thinks it would be best if she used contraception, as she and Sam are not ready to have a baby. Jo talks with her doctor. They discuss the choices she can make.
20 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Using condoms A condom does two things. It protects both people from STIs and can stop the woman from getting pregnant.
You can ask your doctor to give you a prescription for condoms. You can get lots of condoms for a $3 prescription. You can buy them in places such as supermarkets and chemists. They should be used with water-based lubrication. Lube makes sex more comfortable.
• Learn how to use a condom correctly and use a new one every time you have sex.
• The condom fits on the man’s penis. It stops the sperm going into his partner’s body.
• If two men are having sex together they should use condoms with lubrication to protect them from STIs.
Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 21 These pictures show you how to use a condom correctly.
1 Check expiry date and open
2 Check condom is the right way up - pinching the tip of the condom
3
4 Roll condom to base of Penis 5 Add water based lubricant
22 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 23 6 Have sex
9 Wrap the condom 7 Withdraw the penis 8 Carefully remove and holding the base of the condom throw it the condom away
10
22 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Safe Relationships, Safer Sex 23 REMEMBER…
IT IS YOUR CHOICE!
You can say YES to sex. You can say NO to sex. You decide who can touch your body. You decide who you want to be sexy with. You decide to use contraception and condoms.
24 Safe Relationships, Safer Sex Reprinted thanks to the generosity of
familyplanning.org.nz
© Family Planning 2006 Revised and updated 2010
For further information and resources visit www.familyplanning.org.nz and www.theword.org.nz
ISBN: 978-0-9864651-7-8
Thanks to fpq (Family Planning, Queensland) for allowing us to adapt content for the development of a New Zealand resource. Family Planning is a Registered Charity CC11104
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Tiakina Tou Whakapapa • Taking care of our present and future generations
familyplanning.org.nz