“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1508 FELIX 27.01.12 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 THE FELIX SEX SURVEY RETURNS It’s back! Make your voice heard: Page 2 SOLVING THE GENDER GAP TECHNOLOGY Investigating Imperial’s efforts to support women in the workplace

Jan Chlebik Sophia David

There are currently 81 female profes- sors at Imperial which make up just 15% of the total holding this senior Uncovering the post. Felix has investigated what Impe- rial is doing to combat gender inequali- Kindle Store ties and support the career progression of women. In fact, a substantial move- Page 12 ment exists within the College and members of staff have told Felix of the “ground-breaking steps” that are being taken to support female staff. However, they have also highlighted that this is “working better in some areas than oth- Members of staff are confi dent in the improvement of support for female staff POLITICS ers”. The main female-support system is the Academic Opportunities Commit- promoting the support of women at all when the women were winnowed out advancement and retainment of women tee (AOC), established in 1998, which stages of their career through mentor- and so there are few women to pro- in academia. She highlighted the Elsie aims to ensure “a level playing fi eld ing, advice and support.” She described mote. In Chemistry, we have a modest Widdowson Fellowship for academic for women academics at Imperial Col- how the AOC assists with and reports “pipeline” of early career women com- staff returning from a period of mater- lege.” More recently, since 2008, Aca- issues ranging from the development ing through. I hope with all the work nity leave. The purpose of this award is demic Ambassadors for Women have of breast-feeding facilities to working we have been doing over the last few to allow female academics to concen- been appointed to represent women hours for those with young families, as years that there will be a much larger trate fully on their research and allows across the College in the Engineering, well as encouraging women to apply percentage of women in the department the Department to relieve the member Natural Sciences and Medicine facul- for higher positions. and thus a much larger percentage of of staff of any teaching or admin du- ties. On the reasons for the gender imbal- professors in the next 5-10 years.” ties. FONS has also initiated a scheme The race for the Patricia Hunt, a senior lecturer in ance, Hunt commented, “You need to Karen Makuch, the Women’s Ambas- so that women post docs returning from the Department of Chemistry and part remember that someone in their 50s sador for the Natural Sciences Faculty maternity leave will also be relieved of Presidency heats up of the Faculty of Natural Sciences’ now (and a professor) will have start- and Chair of the FONS AOC, told Fe- their teaching for 12 months, to mir- (FONS) Academic Women’s Commit- ed studying science in the university lix that the steps taken by the College ror the action taken for permanent Page 14 tee at Imperial, told Felix how, “We are system when sexism was prevalent, were “ground-breaking” in terms of the ...Continued on Page 3 Chinese ambassador visits Imperial TRAVEL

Amna Siddiq Aemun Reza perial incubator and was introduced to HU Pingua, have been visiting other researchers who have worked in col- universities around England. When The Chinese Ambassador to the UK laboration with China. Some of these speaking about Imperial, the Ambas- visited Imperial College last week to researchers included Professor Sir Brian sador stated: “Imperial College London discover more about Imperial and also Hoskins, Director of the Grantham In- is the last of the G5 elite universities in gave a lecture on the role of innovation stitute, who is a Foreign Member of the Britain I have visited, however people as the path to success in twenty fi rst cen- Chinese Academy of Sciences, and Pro- in Britain often say ‘last but not least’ tury China. Xiaoming Liu has been the fessor Yike Guo from the Department and my visit to Imperial today is rightly Ambassador for China since 2009 and of Computing who established a joint described in this way. Your university A medical summer in took the time to talk to Chinese staff and laboratory of scientifi c informatics be- matches any of the other four – Oxford, students to fi nd out more about their ex- tween Imperial and Tsinghua University Cambridge, LSE and UCL and your Honduras periences at the college. in 2007. reputation, strengths and innovations Rector Keith O’Nions meeting Mr Liu was given a tour of the Im- The Ambassador and his wife, Mme are much admired worldwide.” with Mr Liu last week Page 40 2 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS What’s on FELIX SEX SURVEY CLASSIFIEDS The human genome and Here’s hoping you’re as excited 21st century medicine as we are Remember to keep sending us

Professor Timothy Aitman, Head of Molecular Ge- your classifi ed advertisements! netics and Rheumatology speaks on the exploita- tion of gene discovery and resulting new develop- ment that arise in cell biology. With an aim to link genetics and genomics to ev- Got something to sell? Need your ery medical speciality at Imperial College, this talk will shed light on the “coming genetic revolution”. garage painted? Open for all, with tickets to be purchased in ad- Then let everyone know about it. vance. £3 for staff and students as part of the Friends of Imperial College lecture series. It’s as easy as emailing Lecture Theatre G16, [email protected] Sir Alexander Fleming Building, Why not check out last year’s survey online? Remember the laughs, 02 February 19:00-20:00 remember the tears, remember the restraints and handcuffs Just so we’re clear, Felix accepts no responsibility In a comeback for the ages that we’re for services bought or sold, capiche? Good. Lunchtime Concert quietly confi dent is bigger than Mike

London Tango Quintet Tyson’s, we’re extremely proud to be perform as part of Impe- rial’s lunchtime concert bringing you the second-ever Felix Sex Lolcat of teh week series. Open to all, fi rst come fi rst served. Con- Survey! tact a.robins@imperial. ac.uk for more informa- Following last year’s ‘hard-hitting’ results, tion. we just couldn’t resist coming back for Lecture Theatre 1, Wolfson, more. Answer whatever you’re comfortable Hammersmith Campus, 07 February 13:00-13:45 with. The survey is, of course, entirely anonymous to everyone involved and the data will be deleted once it’s over. You’ve Building sustainability got two weeks to take part, just in time for

Architect Ken Shuttleworth talks at the 37th An- our Valentine’s Issue. Aw yeah. nual Paviour’s Lecture about the triumphs and pit- falls of sustainability in building. Hopefully, this won’t be the only survey Open to all. Registration required in advance. Contact [email protected] to register. that gets people talking this year – check Lecture Theatre 164, back soon. Skempton Building, Head over to www.felixonline.co.uk/ 07 February 17:00-18:00 sexsurvey to get started. Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2012.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Reporters Paul Beaumont Jack Hewitt Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Aemun Reza Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editors Indy Leclercq David Wilson Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Business Editors Beñat Gurrutxaga Lerma Nina Kearsey Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Stephen Smith Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors Matt Allinson James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Home & Garden Editors Tim Arbabzadah Charles Betts Navid Nabijou Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim Kadhim Shubber Puzzles Captain James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Veli Akiner Carol Ann Cheah Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Deepka Rana Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS Imperial awarded for efforts in Sinking Westminster Philip Kent the representation of women Philip Kent

Members of the House of Commons ...Continued from Front Page py to be working at Imperial. I won’t the Earth Science and Engineering Commission have met to discuss op- staff. She also highlighted the Imperial say it is perfect, but defi nitely better and Computing departments having tions to deal with the subsidence prob- College Early Years Education Cen- than some of the information coming obtained bronze awards. Deputy Prin- lems that the Palace of Westminster is tre (a childcare centre) which benefi ts out of the survey. What is needed now cipal of Imperial, Dorothy Griffi ths, experiencing. The palace, which was women in academia who are raising a is the Government and funding bodies described this as a “huge achievement constructed in 1870, is slowly sinking family. getting seriously behind initiatives like in traditionally male dominated engi- into the ground, and the clock tower, Going back to 1999, Imperial was Athena.” neering fi elds.” which houses the infamous Big Ben, is also one of the founding members of Imperial also has an exceptional In addition, the Department of Phys- leaning at an angle of 0.26 degrees. the Athena project, established by sev- achievement of Athena SWAN awards, ics has also gained Juno Champion- Conclusions from the discussion were eral bodies including the UK higher which “recognise and celebrate good ship Status awarded by the Institute of that repairs should take place, though education funding councils, Universi- practice on recruiting, retaining and Physics. Project Juno was established these will not be until 2020 at the earli- Professor Burland has worked ties UK and the Offi ce of Science and promoting women in SET in higher by the institute in 2007 and aims to est. The committee also stated that the on constructions at Westminster underground station Technology. Its aims are “the advance- education.” Imperial has obtained a “recognise and reward departments Palace remains structurally sound. ments and promotion of the careers bronze award, the achievement of that have taken action to address the This collaborates with the view of of women in science, engineering and which allows individual departments to under-representation of women in uni- Imperial College’s Emeritus Professor technology (SET) in higher education apply for awards. The Natural Sciences versity physics.” John Burland. In an interview to Radio is also “not in the least” worried about and research.” Faculty is leading the way within the Among the range of female staff that 4, he made clear his opinion that the the possibility of the palace sliding into The 2010 Athena Survey of Science, College having obtained a silver award Felix spoke to, none think that dis- swaying of the tower is not a problem the Thames. Engineering and Technology (ASSET) crimination overtly exists within the to worry about. He added that this has Professor Burland has worked on a of dozens of universities concluded College today. Whilst the percentage of been a problem with the tower for many number of projects involving the pal- that “women continue to feel disad- “Imperial has an female professors at Imperial is lower years; the lack of cracks in the cladding ace, the fi rst of which was an under- vantaged and excluded in a number of than the national average of 20%, re- suggests it had swayed during its con- ground car park. More recently, he had ways.” One fi nding was that “male aca- exceptional achieve- cently reported by the Higher Educa- struction. a consulting role in the extension of demics still predominate in positions of tion Statistics Agency (HESA), Impe- He also stressed that the construction the Jubilee Line. This included work to authority.” The survey also found that ment of Athena rial is not faring too badly at all since of a car park and the Jubilee Line Ex- stabilise the tower, which was at risk of whilst the gender-related differences SWAN awards” science, technology, engineering and tension under the palace has only affect- collapsing due to the close proximity of tend to be small, they “accumulate mathematics (STEM) subjects have ed the angle to the tower very slightly the new Underground station. over the course of an individual career long been dominated by males. It cer- – these changes were controlled during However, he is best known for his to create differences in opportunity and within the Chemistry department, a sil- tainly seems that with the substantial construction. work in stabilising the Leaning Tower experience.” ver award within Physics and a bronze efforts taking place within the College These modern constructions have of Pisa, a project that ended in 2001. However, Patricia Hunt said, “I per- award within Life Sciences. to support women, along with the ris- also not caused the cracks seen in the In gratitude for the part he played, the sonally believe that Imperial is doing The Engineering faculty also boasts ing ambitions of women, Imperial, and buildings. Regardless, the cracks may Duke of Castro made him a Knight much better than the survey might im- several awards with the Chemical En- other universities, will continue to see a actually be benefi cial – natural swaying Commander. Later, in 2005, he was mediately make you think. After read- gineering and Materials departments rise in the number of females in senior in the building will concentrate around made a CBE for his part in reinforcing ing the ASSET survey I was very hap- having obtained silver awards, and positions. cracks, forming them if none exist. He the tower.

Dawn on the Horizons Sponsored Editorial More student cuts Jonathan Peek of the college can discuss ideas raised, ernmental Panel on Climate Change develop team working skills and ex- (IPCC) report both of which made Monday 23 January saw the start of plore the topic from other viewpoints. headlines around the world. Conclud- the Horizons program, an experimen- The opening lecture was presented ing with a thought provoking slide on tal scheme that sees 200 undergradu- by Professor Sir Brian Hoskins, Direc- why trying to take any action about Discount haircuts for Imperial ates from departments across the col- tor of Imperial’s own Grantham insti- climate change runs in to diffi culty, lege meeting for a series of lectures tute for climate change and member the lecture was a good summary of the students at Fresh Hairdressers and tutorials over the next 8 weeks. of the UK’s Committee on Climate underlying issues of climate change Using the topic of climate change, the Change: the committee tasked with and was a good opening to the scheme. program aims to develop participants’ advising the Government on how it The lecture was followed by a tu- More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, awareness of how scientifi c issues and can meet the 80% cuts in CO2 emis- torial that gave the undergraduates a students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a debates can have wide reaching im- sions by 2050 set out in the Climate chance to start exploring what policies FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your pacts on an international scale: from Change Bill in November 2008. The the Government should be bringing Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. affecting policy making in Govern- lecture presented an overview of the into effect to help stop climate change. Women’s shampoo and cut ments to new technology in people’s topic of Climate changing touching on Discussions as to why people were and shake dry £28 homes. early work on the Green House gases taking part in the program was more Women’s shampoo, cut and The pilot scheme is using the topic dating back to early 1800’s though to that people were interested in climate blow-dry £38 of climate change as the basis for our current understanding of the driv- change than the opportunity to devel- All of our cuts are done by the lectures and discussion with the ing principals behind climate change. op their professional skills, with a lot highly experienced stylists. view that if the scheme is repeated Taking in the developments to how of emphasis on the actual science be- Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to other topics such as food security and we now study changes in the climate, hind the headlines in the media. 4.30 (sorry no discounts on changings in the global population be- what climate models are currently pre- With the next lecture being present- Saturdays). ing used instead. Supporting the series dicting, and some of the controversies ed by leading fi gures in the media the We are only 70 metres from of lectures by leading experts in fi elds that surround climate change – the program looks set to hit its targets of South Kensington tube station relating to climate change is a number ‘Climate Gate’ scandal based on email giving Undergraduates the chance to of tutorial sessions where undergradu- leak from the Climate research Unit look at climate change from a range of ate from all the different departments and the ‘errors’ in the 2006 Intergov- viewpoints. 4 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] In Brief Unexpected guest at RCSU Ball RAG mascot finally returned Cricketer commotion as students raise money for RAG

It’s been a pretty busy week for RAG. Firstly, Chris the Collecting Tin (the RAG mascot) was fi nally re- Paul Beaumont whilst still only being a thirty minute walk (or to buy early (due to the event being for charity) turned, having been lurking in the depths of the stumble) back to halls for many Freshers. meant that ticket sales were initially slow. This RSM for a good few years. RAG Chair Jack Hewitt Last Tuesday, the Royal College of Science An unexpected visitor for the evening – Fred- was the fi rst event of the academic year that the agreed to ‘buy’ it back in return for showing how not Union (RCSU) held its annual Spring Ball in die Flintoff, England Cricket Captain – was RCSU didn’t sell out tickets before the night, to do a yard of ale, with more down his shirt than aid of Raising and Giving (RAG). allowed into the venue, and mingled with the but, due to on-the-door sales, the venue soon throat, and also what not to ask for at the barbers. The evening – attracting two hundred and crowd for some time, causing a stir, before tak- fi lled. On Saturday, student-run company Ardour PR ran fi fty ticket sales – will have raised somewhere ing a table away from the dance fl oor with a few This event is one of a series of charity events the Masquerave for Right To Play, getting over 200 in the region of £450 for RAG, the charity-rais- friends. that the Faculty Union runs throughout the year people into Metric, with a mix of Dubstep, House ing Management Group of the Central Union, – though the only Ball. Hummingbird Charity and masks proving irresistible, and over £400 when combined with the profi ts from the RCSU Cakes Sales (which took place last term, and made for charity. Autumn Ball. These funds will then be split be- “Flintoff mingled with will continue this term) plus a new event for And then on Tuesday, the RCSU threw its annual tween the charities the Union decides to support this year, the Inter-Faculty Challenge (mod- RAG ball, with no kidnapping of the President re- this year. the crowd for some time, elled on University Challenge) will complete quired to ensure the profi ts go to charity. Held at Embargo, King’s Road, the venue causing a stir” the Union’s planned charity agenda. The RCSU This is all good preparation for what promises to was in a geographically unusual location for the will also be participating further in RAG Chair, be a pretty crazy term for RAG. With Medics RAG RCSU – who normally book clubs in Central Jack Hewitt’s RAG week events – to be held the dash set for today and their RAG Week and Jail- London. The reasoning behind the choice of As one of the organisers of the event, I can week commencing Monday 5 March. break less than a month away, it promises to be this venue was to try and make the event more confi rm that the RCSU was extremely pleased The Inter-Faculty Challenge – RCSU vs. IC- a cracking month. Watch this space. Jack Hewitt accessible for older students, many of whom with the evening. The time of year – just after SMSU – is being organised for IC RAG week, live in neighbouring Fulham and Earls Court – January exams – and lack of monetary incentive on Tuesday 6 March – watch this space! FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 5 NEWS Highlights from felixonline.co.uk Counterfeit scam warning Following an incident on Prince Consort Road Concerns over future of last Tuesday comes call to stay safe on campus Humanities What is Since my start at Imperial I have experienced the passion that people happening? put into learning languages, both students and staff members show Please be aware of anyone trying vehicles and were driven to an a big interest in the courses offered my the humanities department. to sell goods from a vehicle as ATM to get cash where the person The humanities departement is a vital part of the transmission of Annoyed? Irritated? Bored? the items being offered will either has become aggressive demand- knowledge at our College. Imperial constantly advertises the inter- Then why not go to YouTube and be stolen or counterfeit and you ing large sums of cash for these national background of our students and staff members, but a key fi nd your drunken mates being in- could face arrest for receiving stolen or counterfeit goods. part of giving people the opportunity to benefi t from this rich envi- terviewed on STOIC cameras over a stolen goods if stopped by the If anyone is approached by this ronnement and exchange cultures are the language classes. If only typical Union evening? Police. or any person offering to sell the people taking these decision would know Or why not comment on the issues There has been a recent inci- goods from a vehicle please ei- that concern you online, or send a dent of a male claiming to be from ther call the Police or contact se- letter to the editor? That’s by email, Milan selling “Armani suits” buy curity as soon as possible. Clayponds in crisis not post... unless you really want to. one get three free! He was driv- Please remember “IF IT ing a light blue Vauxhall Astra reg. SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE Search ‘Metric Moments’ at Anon It seems to me that this is being done to force PG's into the overpriced youtube.com FT61 FBA. The student involved THEN IT PROBABLY IS TOO GOOD GradPads, combine this with the attack on the PG and Staff bar, the declined to view the goods but in TO BE TRUE!” Holland Club, you have to wonder how much the College values it the past students have got into Terry Branch, Head of Security Comment at felixonline.co.uk Post Grad Students Email [email protected] Driving Lessons For Imperial Students

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To make inquiries and book lessons, call 07808 610 898 6 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith FEATURE [email protected] How to become a science journalist Alice Yang talks to Dr. Toby Murcott about his not so straightforward career path

n animated and pas- ably well but is starting to show signs Before wrapping up I ask him for any sionate fi gure in person, of weakness at the edge; and while words of wisdom he’s like to offer to Dr. Toby Murcott is as hunches are never reliable, I wouldn’t Imperial’s budding science journalists. one would imagine the be surprised if there was a major revi- “Advice I’d give is to stand still, take typical science journalist sion of the standard model of physics in a moment and think ‘What do I really –A never without an opinion, in posses- the relatively near future. like doing? When I want information sion of an open (yet critical and witty) “I also think another area that is very from the world where do I get it from?’ mind and of course, a seemingly unlim- interesting is the increasing computing because you’re going to do better in a ited knowledge of everything within the power as it has allowed people to make medium you know, like and understand. bounds of science. much more complicated and elaborate The most important thing about be- The fact that he can educate me on mathematical models which have al- ing a science journalist is having done the human genome, and equally as well lowed us to test our understanding of something that gives you practice and strike up a heated debate regarding the what we know. We can test anything experience, and fi nding out whether or latest happenings at CERN, is to be from climate science through to chemi- not you can really do it. expected given that he includes BBC cal equations, it can help us understand Radio 4, The Times, Nature magazine environmental issues and improve our as well as his own critically acclaimed knowledge in reducing energy con- “...take a moment book The Whole Story: Alternative sumption. Powerful computers are al- Medicine on Trial? amongst an impres- lowing us to do amazing things.” and think ‘What do I sive list of journalism projects in the Naturally, this leads onto a discussion past 20 years. regarding the recent results from CERN really like doing?’” Highlighting the uncertainties that claiming that the speed of light had been many science journalists face when em- broken, to which Dr. Murcott is confi - barking on their career path, Dr. Mur- dent is not the case. What I think is very hard to do and cott begins his life story with more than Dr. Murcott’s book is one of many ventures into journalism “There is some small error that they very often lacking in science journalism just a hint of humour in his voice. haven’t spotted. But what this story is is a deep understanding to how science “Like so many people in this industry is a beautiful story about how science works, and recognising why it is that it wasn’t a straightforward story. I did medium and its very satisfying to have understand what science research can works. What’s happened is that these when you ask a scientist a big question a PhD in Biochemistry at Bristol Uni- that almost one to one connection with and can’t do, but I also think we need researchers have looked at these neutri- they can’t give a clear answer. versity and then I moved onto a Postdoc people, giving them something interest- to trust people to know the difference nos and have tried to fi nd the problem, Deep down it’s a combination of curi- which is when I began to realise that I ing.” between gossip and really serious sci- which they can’t, and so they’ve put it osity, nosiness and fascination; the abil- was not the greatest research scientist – Currently also a lecturer in Science ence research. I’ve certainly gotten an- out there for other scientists to look at. ity to meet a deadline; to be able talk to I quite enjoyed it but not as much as I Journalism at the City University Lon- gry reading bad science reports, but the It’s not a story about neutrinos going and extract information from scientists, was hoping to. don, Dr. Murcott points out that he nev- media is not here to educate – that’s the faster than light, it’s a story about how and of course strong communication er underwent formal training in science job of schools and universities. science works to get the most reliable skills that makes a good science jour- journalism himself, and asked whether “This leads us onto discuss science in answers to a particular question.” nalist.” “...I began to talk or not he feels that such courses are es- general, to which Dr. Murcott has much sential for success he declares, “I don’t interesting information to impart. more about science think there is an obvious answer, every- one is different.” ב"ה -rather than do it.” “What a masters [in science journal “A science journalist Chabad of South Kensington invites you to… ism] does is it condenses and puts into one place the various elements you need needs to know what At the same time, without really which are: practice, criticism and work knowing it, I began to be a lot more in- experience. It’s not essential, but it is questions to ask” volved in talking about science rather one way of doing it. A good course is than doing it.” very valuable. Thanks to his long love of speech ra- “I don’t think that any journalist needs “There’s a very good analogy of sci- dio, Dr. Murcott kicked off science jour- to be an expert on any subject other than ence: if you imagine all our knowledge nalism career in the medium, spending journalism. But, the things a science is a sphere, then the edge of the sphere his days working on his postdoc and his journalist needs is to know is what ques- is where our knowledge of the known evenings building up his radio CV. tions to ask; to have an understanding of leads the unknown. As you increase the Having entered the world of radio the process of the work they’re report- amount we know, that sphere gets big- Schedule: Friday, 3 Feb 2012 journalism, Dr. Murcott also spread ing on, as well as how science works so ger and so of course its surface area his knowledge into written journalism, they’re able to rigorously examine the gets bigger – the more we know and the 6 pm - Dr Naftali Loewenthal - "The Temple within" eventually leading to the publication of science that is laid out in front of them.” more we uncover, the more we realise his book inspired by his weekly column On the topic of science journalism, we don’t know.” 7 pm - Kabalat Shabbat in The Times discussing the scientifi c I wonder what Dr. Murcott’s views on As for what particularly interests him 7.30 pm - Shabbat dinner evidence behind complementary health ‘good’ and ‘bad’ science journalism are. currently in the world of science, Dr. treatments. Nevertheless, despite all his “You have to ask ‘What is the purpose Murcott answers fl uently “fi rstly, any- Professor Kate Loewenthal - "Mental Health and Religion" successes in writing science, Dr. Mur- of journalism?’ Now there are a lot of thing to do with the genome and ge- Dr. Naftali Loewenthal - "Metahistory of Judaism" cott is unhesitant in claiming his prefer- things a journalist would say – to hold nomics. It won’t be that long until we ence for radio journalism. people who have public money to ac- can sequence an entire human genome Location: Imperial College Union, Prince Consort Road, “It’s very noticeable that people who count and to comment on all sorts of in a matter of hours, and the things that London SW7 work in a particular fi eld tend to love things. But actually, the point of jour- can be done with genetics is just mind- that fi eld and really enjoy it, and I love nalism is to sell and get an audience, boggling. to listen to radio for pleasure. There are because unless you do that, you have no “I think the other thing is particle RSVP: www.SKchabad.com/unity a number of satisfying things about ra- money to do the reporting or research and high-energy physics. We’ve got a dio, one of which is that you hear real you want to do. standard model that was developed in Chabad of South Kensington is an independently funded branch of Chabad Lubavitch UK charity, number 227638 peoples voices and it’s a very intimate “I think we need to train journalists to the 1920s which has stood up reason- THROB TOMORROW SATURDAY 28TH JAN 7PM – 1AM £3

BANDS DJS SPANK ALLEY JONAS dB Busty Jazz-Funk Wonky Hip-Hop WOLF TRACKS PHRIJ Fiery Indie Rock Jazz & Bass HOWLIN’ CIRCUS SMB Blues & Roll Deep House INESCAPABLE FATE NOT INDIGO Brutal Death Metal A Tonal Illin’ 8 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Look out! Here comes a spider goat

Ancient popcorn found in Peru Emma Houghton-Brown On a small farm, nestled deep in Northern Utah, Pamela Belding – STRI something extraordinary is happening: creatures are being bred that are part goat, part spider. Last week’s episode of the BBC’s epic science series Horizon followed Adam Rutherford as he jour- neyed to meet these fascinating hybrids and their creator to fi nd out more. In charge of the unusual herd is Randy Lewis, a professor of genetics at Utah State University. The farm is a university outpost where they re- search modern farming techniques, teach ani- mal husbandry and raise the intriguing “spider- goats”. Since the fi rst genetically engineered bacteria in 1973, we have been able to exploit the uni- versality of the DNA code by cutting and past- ing bits of DNA from one species into another. An actual spider goat... Batteries not included More recently, this editing technology has pro- gressed and expanded into the fi eld known as A popcorn map, obviously synthetic biology, and DNA code is effectively based polymers. far, no infl ammation or negative reaction has interchangeable between all species. “We’re interested in dragline silk – the silk that been found when the silk has been inserted Using synthetic biology techniques, Randy and spiders catch themselves with when they fall. It’s into the body. It’s already known that silk good They may not have had any decent bowls to eat it his team have taken the gene that encodes drag- stronger than Kevlar. It really has some amaz- enough to be used in ligament repair can be made from, but new research suggests that, as long ago line silk from an orb-weaver spider and spliced it ing properties for any kind of a fi bre,” Randy and it is hoped that, within a couple of years, tests as around 4600 BC, ancient Peruvians were eat- into DNA coding for milk production in the goat explained. to determine the best designs and the best materi- ing popcorn. A research group led by Tom Dillehay udders. This new genetic sequence was then in- It could be argued that breeding spider-goats is als that can be produced, will be underway. from Vanderbilt University, and Duccio Bonavia, from serted into an egg and implanted into a mother merely an extension of our 10,000 year old farm- This could include creating strong, tough artifi - Peru’s Academia Nacional de la Histori, have found goat. ing practices. All livestock and arable products cial tendons, ligaments and limbs; repairing other South America’s earliest ever examples of corn Now when their beloved spider-goats, Freck- have been genetically selected. They are careful- tissues; healing wounds; or creating super-thin, ‘microfossils’, at two mound sites, Paredones and les, Pudding, Sweetie and the gang, lactate their ly bred to produce the most desirable character- biodegradable sutures for eye or neurosurgery. Huaca Prieta, on the northern coast of Peru. These milk is full of spider-silk protein – they produce istics with each cross being a genetic experiment As amazing as it is, this extraordinary piece fossils, together with some of the oldest known corn “silk-milk”. of its own. of bioengineering isn’t even on the cutting edge cobs, husks, stalks, and tassels, discovered at the The milk is then processed to extract the spider “The trouble is, you can’t farm spiders,” Randy anymore. The fast moving fi eld of Synthetic Bi- site, indicate that the area’s ancient inhabitants protein and run around a spool to be collected. mused. “They’re very cannibalistic.” ology now incorporates an extensive variety of were using corn in a variety of ways, from corn fl our This process is considered extremely exciting The impressive and desirable properties of genetic exploration techniques; and personally, I to popcorn – despite it not yet being an important because naturally occurring spider silk is widely spider silk means Randy’s apparently bizarre can’t wait to see what they come up with next. part of their diet. recognised as the strongest, toughest fi bre known research is extensively funded. Studies have What makes this story even more fascinating is to man. Its tensile strength is greater than steel yet shown that the silk is not only incredibly strong Horizon: Playing God presented by Adam that, with this discovery putting popcorn on the Peru- it is 25 percent lighter than synthetic, petroleum- by is also compatible with the human body. So Rutherford is available on BBC iPlayer vian map around 2,000 years earlier than previously estimated, such use of corn now predates the fi rst known examples of ceramic pottery in the region. In a paper recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Dolores Piperno, of the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute, ex- Nano-ear can hear microorganisms plains how the domestication of corn, originating in Mexico around 9,000 years ago, spread in only a few thousand years to South America, and thus “in many Michele Tonutti and held in place by a laser beam that serves as lutionary way to study the microscopic world. areas corn arrived before pots did.” She goes on to ‘optical tweezers’ – a technique invented in 1986 As well as helping us understand better the way conclude about the ancient Peruvians that “early ex- Is there something more we can learn from the and widely used in modern molecular biology microorganisms function, it could also be imple- perimentation with corn as a food was not depen- sounds emitted by bacteria and viruses? Even and genetics. Energetic pulses of light are then mented in the study of cells affected by certain dent on the presence of pottery”. though microbes cannot ‘speak’ in the way that fi red at similar particles trapped around it with diseases. For example, red blood cells vibrate The complex history of the hundreds of varieties of animals can, scientists believe that there is a lot the same method. By heating up, they generate less if infected with malaria than healthy ones. corn now present is still largely unclear, especially for to learn from the noises produced when small or- a disturbance in the water, leading to a compres- However, there are still some problems scien- such early time periods, as any historical evidence of ganisms move around. sion-decompression process that generates a tists will need to solve. One of the major issues corn cobs or kernels were hardly well preserved in Until now, these vibrations had always been sound wave. Scientists are thus able to analyze appears to be the capacity to distinguish between the humid tropical rainforests between Central and thought too weak to be picked up by any con- the movement of the fi rst particle (the ‘nano-ear’) sound waves and other type of vibrations such South America where the crop is thought to have ventional device. This is why optical physicist J. and gather information around the nature of the as the ones caused by random molecular move- been originally dispersed. The wealth of information Feldmann and the Photonics and Optoelectronics wave. By varying the frequency and the orien- ments. Biophysicist Dr. Oddershede of the Niels provided by this new data is therefore incredibly valu- Group at the University of Munich recently de- tation of the light pulses, the scientists saw that Bohr Institute in Copenhagen, told the journal able in trying to get a glimpse of how and where corn veloped the world’s tiniest ear. The ‘ear’ is a par- the particle would match the new frequency and Science that the project still needs to go through became what it is today. ticle of gold, 60 nanometres in diameter, that by align its vibration with the new direction. a long process of refi nement before acoustic mi- Arianna Sorba vibrating in response to passing waves can pro- Dr. Ohlinger, one of the authors of the study, croscopy can become a reality. She is neverthe- vide useful information about very faint sounds. claims that this nano-microphone “allows us less quite optimistic about its future: “It’s a re- This method exploits some basics principles of to get closer than ever to microscopic objects.” ally interesting idea, and […] this paper is very physics: when a wave passes through a medium, Never had it been possible to have such a great inspiring. I do believe they can relatively quickly particles in the medium respond by oscillating sensibility before, affi rms co-author Dr. Lutich: improve the equipment.” Want to write for Felix Science? with the same frequency of the wave. By study- results showed that the nano-ear could pick up Despite these initial diffi culties, the researchers ing the response of the gold particles to sound sounds down to about minus 60 decibels – an in- are convinced that we are on the right path not Email us: [email protected] waves, researchers are able to investigate the na- tensity one million times smaller than what the only to see, but also to hear what the world of ture of the vibration. human ear is able to detect. microorganisms has to tell us. One of the gold particles is immersed in water This technology could lead to a new and revo- DOI: 10.1103/PhysRevLett.108.018101 FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 9 SCIENCE The phenological fallacy Christopher Nichols on why the fi rst cuckoo of spring doesn’t necessarily tell us much

recent fl urry of articles kept for hundreds of years. Data such as linator has also advanced. The point is a expounding the effects of this can prove useful in providing evi- ‘yardstick’ by which to judge the poten- the current mild winter on dence for the effects of anthropogenic tial impact of a phenological shift on a the natural world serves climate change on individual species or species is needed. to remind us of the conse- groups. For instance, it has been shown Whilst this may seem obvious, more quencesA of climate change, but do these that since 1939 UK birds such as the cryptically it has also been shown that examples contain any scientifi c mean- wren have been steadily breeding ear- the use of these ‘fi rsts’ is fundamentally ing, or are they merely interesting, if lier. Countless examples of phenologi- a poor indicator on which to judge the foreboding, anecdotal tidbits? cal advances such as this can be found effects of climate change on a species. Spring fl owers such as hazel catkins, across a diverse range of organisms, but Granted, the ‘fi rst’ cuckoo of spring has snowdrops, and daffodils, traditionally can they advance our understanding of been getting earlier and earlier, but this expected in late January or early Febru- the deeper biological implications of data alone tells us nothing about what ary, have been seen across the UK from climate change on ecosystems? the rest of the population is doing. It as early as Christmas Day. Hedgehogs When taken in isolation, the answer is would be much more informative, ac- and other hibernating mammals such not really. A 2005 paper by Dutch sci- cording to Jean-Pierre Moussus and as bats have been active in defi ance of entists Visser and Both acknowledged colleagues, to use the mean date of a their normal winter tactics, whilst red the fact that on its own, evidence of phenological event to analyse and pre- admiral butterfl ies have been taking phenological advances could illustrate dict the effects of climate change on a advantage of the almost balmy climate. contrasting climate change impacts. population. Even the birds and the bees are follow- Positive if the advances were evidence Unfortunately phenological data for ing suit by living up to their eponymous of adaptation to climate change, or neg- many individuals in a population is a phrase earlier than in previous years, ative if that species was becoming in- rare luxury, let alone equivalent data with robins singing, wood pigeons rear- creasingly out of synchronisation with for the species with which they inter- ing young, and buff-tailed bumblebees its environment. The latter cannot be act. Many researchers however, unlike managing to emerge uncharacteristi- known unless data also exists for other some species to climate change, are cally early. important species with which it inter- adapting to this way of thinking and Keeping records of such phenological acts, for instance we cannot know if an are designing experimental systems ac- events is entrenched in British tradition. advance in fl owering date is benefi cial cordingly, with the aim of painting a Records of the fi rst cuckoo of spring or or detrimental to a given plant unless more complete picture of the impacts of the fi rst leafi ng dates of trees have been we know whether or not its insect pol- climate change. He doesn’t look very defi ant, does he? New insight into gene expression

B. Franklin Pugh, Penn State University Philippa Skett DNA where the PICs begin to interact with the promoter regions. These con- A new genomic sequencing method served regions were then isolated and has been put into practice by Professor sequenced accordingly. Rhee ran ChIP- Franklin Pugh and graduate student Ho exo for various PICS, RNA Polymerase Sung Rhee, after development in Penn II, the enzyme that actively synthesises State University. The method, known as RNA, and for GTFs, General Transcrip- ChIP-exo, gives us an insight into the tion Factors, and mapped of the precise proteins that read and regulate chromo- location of more than six thousand of somes (transcription preinitiation com- these PICs in yeast. The technique plexes, or PICs) and was detailed in a showed how they interacted specifi cally paper published online in Nature. with nucleosomes: DNA bound tightly Although it varies in proportion from to proteins called histones to allow it to species to species, a lot of DNA does be compacted into the nucleus. not actually code for anything; around So what does this indicate in the long 98% of a human genome is non-coding, run? Studying yeast here allows for compared to 11% of the genome of bac- many of the principles to be extrapolated terium E. coli. This means that the cod- on to other species, including humans, ing portion that makes up genes has to Is this a sequence binding of proteins or did we print wrong? to allow a better insight into their gene be identifi ed, and, with the human ge- regulation and initiation; a small yet nome consisting of 3.2 billion base pairs, crucial step towards being fully aware this can prove tricky. Genes themselves would allow. “The advantage over other plasm of the cell to provide the instruc- regulated, as not all genes are active all of the genomic capabilities of humans have integral sequences called promoter techniques of [ChIP-exo] is its ability tions to manufacture the protein. PICs of the time. and how we can manipulate it in the fu- regions that allow their identifi cation in to narrow down any binding location are different proteins that allow and To identify these PICs and the se- ture. Genetically modifi ed crops, genetic between all the millions of non-coding across millions and billions of nucleo- control this RNA manufacture, and bind quences they bind to, exonucleases (the diseases, developmental disorders, and base pairs, and ChIP-exo takes advan- tide genomes to a certainty of about one at the promoter regions of genes in a se- “exo” in ChIP-exo) were used. These advancing in on the cure for cancer are tage of these integral sequences as PICs nucleotide,” said Pugh. quential manner to allow transcription enzymes catalyse the degradation of the all areas that can benefi t highly from the bind to them. Furthermore, ChIP-exo In the new technique, genes are fi rst to proceed. A better understanding of double stranded helix effectively de- new data this technique can deliver, and, eliminates “transcriptional noise,” un- transcribed into a more dynamic mol- how they position themselves along the stroying the genome. Multiple exonu- when used in conjunction with existing wanted levels of transcription to al- ecule called RNA in a process called DNA allows a greater insight into where cleases were applied across the whole methods, the limits to our grasp of genet- low detection of more PIC binding se- transcription, that occurs in the nucleus. the genes actually start in the genome, genome, and it degraded the DNA until ics have now been extended. quences than other sequencing methods RNA is then translocated to the cyto- and how gene expression in cells is a cross-linking point was reached in DOI: 10.1038/nature10799 10 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief New milestones reached in ‘Extinct’ monkey rediscovered in Borneo fi ght against Alzheimer’s

Deep in a forest in Borneo, researchers have found what they thought was an extinct species of monkey Philip Kent looks at the latest Alzheimer’s research called Miller’s grizzled langur. As late as last year, researchers thought that the lzheimer’s is an as-yet incur- elusive monkeys were extinct. But this has changed able disease that accounts for now that PhD student Simon Fraser accidentally the majority of cases of de- caught a group of the langurs on camera, which he mentia. A characteristic symp- had originally set up on a time lapse to try to get a tom of people with Alzheim- glimpse of another rare animal, the Bornean clouded Aer’s is memory loss, with the person affected leopard. The photographs were taken in the Wehea gradually becoming increasingly forgetful; Forest of East Kalimantan last June. unable to remember their own identity, and It was a challenge for the researchers to confi rm eventually, complete unresponsiveness in the identity of the monkeys once they had spotted its later stages. This is amongst many other them in the images, because so few photographs of symptoms. them exist. In the end, the researchers had to resort A common misconception is that Alzheim- to descriptions from museum specimens. er’s is a genetic disorder. Whilst there are In recent years, the langurs have had 95% of their many cases where a malformed chromosome habitat destroyed by logging, agricultural enroach- can cause the disease to develop (often in ment, coal mining and fi re. earlier ages than other sufferers), this only Kelly Oakes accounts for very few cases. Scientists are currently unsure on the exact causes of the majority of the cases, which generally de- velop after the age of 65. This is an incredibly saddening thing to happen to anyone, but luckily two new pieces of research may help in the quest to fi nd a cure for this disease. Binding of proteins to nanobodies causes a change of capacitance Detection This is an improvement over existing meth- ease due to a genetic mutation. One of the In the minority of cases, Alzheimer’s is ods – Prasad told the RSC’s Chemistry World researchers, Francisco Lopera, stresses that caused by genetics, making it hard to iden- that they aren’t as sensitive. With the old “what is useful in treatment and prevention tify whether a person will suffer in later methods, it isn’t possible to detect whether of neurodegenerative disorders will be useful Lolcats? Owls? Let me introduce the lolgur life. Current techniques involve a number of a patient is likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s to those suffering from sporadic Alzheimer’s tests (which also ensure that the patient has (or Parkinson’s) from such an early stage. as well”. Alzheimer’s, and not a different form of de- So far, scientists have only tested samples The subjects in this study are analysed us- mentia); but before these tests are done, de- of the fl uid obtained post-mortem, but thanks ing a PET scanner. A tracer is injected into terioration to the patient’s mind, as well as a to the high sensitivity of the new technique, the subject, where it travels to the brain and proactive step of actually going to the doctor, detection in samples obtained during the binds to the same protein in Prasad’s work. Möbius must already have taken place. Luckily these early stages of Alzheimer’s looks to be a Therefore, the image built from the radiation tests have up to 90% accuracy. possibility. Prasad’s team hopes to take part released gives a very good image of the areas by Maria Veiga However, new research from the United in clinical trials, which should give an indi- of the brain containing the protein. States can help to improve both the time and cation as to how well it works as an early The group has also got a set of drug can- accuracy of detection. This works through indicator. didates from previous tests in rats. After ob- use of a biosensor, a device that interfaces taining clinical approval, these drugs can be between biological and electrical systems. injected into the subjects, then retested via When the compound under investigation re- Prevention the PET scanner after a couple of years to acts with the biosensor on its catalytic zone, see if the drug is effective in preventing the an electrical signal is generated that can be Drugs are available which slow down the development of the proteins. This means that investigated. progression of the disease, which means that it is relatively quick to obtain a set of candi- In this development by a team lead by people diagnosed with Alzheimer’s can still date drugs. Shalini Prasad from the University of Texas, enjoy a good quality of life for a longer time This method can also fi nd drugs for other a biosensor has been developed that can mea- – and this is only aided by early detection diseases, including Parkinson’s and Hun- sure the concentration of a number of pro- that may be made possible by this research. tington’s. In addition to this, by analysing teins which have been linked to diseases such However, a drug to stop the development of subjects who are in further stages of the dis- as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. These pro- the disease does not yet exist. ease, it may be possible to fi nd drugs that teins bind onto nanobodies (not dissimilar to A new research project undertaken jointly stop or reverse the buildup of proteins. The antibodies), causing a change in capacitance by the Universidad de Antioquia in Colom- group intends to do research in this area, as in an electrical layer. Prasad’s team found bia, and the Banner Institute from the United the massive trial being undertaken will yield that the change in capacitance is linked to the States may go some way to changing this. immense amounts of useful information on concentration of the antibody under investi- This study involves a group of people who how Alzheimer’s develops, and how drugs gation. are likely to develop Alzheimer’s, with drugs affect it. If a prevention drug is found, it can These proteins build up in fl uid that sur- trials seeing if the progression of the disease be given to subjects who will develop Al- rounds the brain, which can be extracted and can be stopped. zheimer’s (by virtue of their genetics), and analysed. The extracted fl uid is applied to the These subjects, of which there are 500, all they can then be tested via this technique in biosensor, which can detect even very small originate from the Antioquia region of Co- their later years to see if the disease has been concentrations of the problematic proteins. lombia, and are all likely to develop the dis- prevented. As one of the world’s leading defence contractors we offer a high calibre recruitment programme, where you’ll have the chance to pitch your ideas to our management team; and if we like them we’ll implement them. Plus you’ll receive dynamic development opportunities, a generous holiday allowance, life and health insurance and a lifestyle package offering discounted goods and services. So if you want to become part of our graduate recruitment programme or apply for one of our current vacancies visit: www.gdukgraduates.com 12 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Technology Editors: Chris Bowsersaurus Feroz Salami TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips & Hacks Kindling dissatisfaction Megaupload down, hackers revolt Feroz Salam fi nds the Kindle Store massively unintuitive

Thursday last week, the U.S. Justice Department seized and shut down the websites of Megaupload Limited, most known for megaupload.com and megavideo.com. They have also begun criminal cases against owners and executives of the com- pany. Attempting to access one of the company’s websites gets you a lovely FBI notice, listing the crimes of the company as “conspiracy to commit racketeering, conspiracy to commit copyright in- fringement, conspiracy to commit money launder- ing and criminal copyright infringement”. All serious allegations, and the FBI have backed this up – or- ganising for the New Zealand Police to raid a man- sion where four executives were, seizing assets, including luxury cars, worth $17m. In response to this, the activist group Anonymous launched what A novel approach to reading, to say the least they have described as “the single largest Internet attack in its history”. Many websites were taken down, including that of the U.S. Department of was one of the 1.2 million adults in of books lie in wait, and Amazon does little to similarly interested in all his books is a charm- Justice, using distributed denial-of-service attacks. Britain gifted an Amazon Kindle this ease the pain of searching through them. Click- ingly deluded notion. It also introduces me to They haven’t stopped either, with many links claim- Christmas, and as far as presents go ing on this option leads you to a list of major precious little in the way of new authors and ing to be ways to access Megaupload sites using it’s probably my favourite so far. Us- genres. Clicking on a genre leads you to a list books; surely in the age of Google I don’t need Javascript to automatically have your computer join ing the device has been a dream, and it of books, ordered by sales (you can also order to be pushed into staring at the bibliography of in the attacks. Be careful! Ihas made the 20 hours I spent stuck fl ying in by rating, and possibly by price). I don’t know an author I am already aware of? economy class this winter many magnitudes how many bibliophiles read the Technology more enjoyable. There is much to praise about section each week, but if you have any experi- the Kindle, and most of it has been said al- ence buying books you’ll see why this is really Finding solutions ready. The price speaks for itself, the device is very poor. Aside from buying science fiction, I O2 brings free Wi-Fi to London solid and the ability to pick up newspapers and have never gone into a bookshop with a specif- If the store experience is so dire, where can magazines from publishers across the world ic genre in mind (‘Ooh, I’m feeling like some Amazon improve? I think one good (and ba- (delivered daily to your bedside table, no less) alternative historical romance this week’), and sic) step would be to include plot summaries makes it a unique pick in a fi eld of lookalikes. I don’t focus very much on bestseller lists. of books on the results pages. The status quo, Setting the positive device reviews aside for Sorting books by rating doesn’t help me iden- a list of titles, star ratings and book covers is a moment, I would like to focus on something tify books I want either: Heston’s Fantastical almost entirely uninformative. Overall, how- that not many technology reviews have dealt Feasts might be well appreciated by cookery ever, the browsing experience needs to be re- with. Understandably, most reviewers have nuts but I’m really not in the market for that vamped. You need to be presented with more centred their pieces around the device itself sort of non-fiction. Sorting by price, and we’re books on every page, books that aren’t surgi- and the software that runs on it. What this ex- getting just a little bit silly. cally sectioned away into neat categories. A cludes, however, is a discussion on how the virtual bookshelf would be nice, where you Kindle Store works. It’s where I find the Kin- could see the spine/front cover of every book dle experience fails miserably. For the uniniti- “Amazon does little and a small plot summary popup when you In a massive boost to London’s internet infrastruc- ated, the Kindle Store is where all the magic hover over a specific book. Recommendations ture, O2 have announced they will be providing free of buying those books/newspapers/magazines to ease the pain of need to be completely revamped, in a way that internet to millions in central London with Europe’s actually happens. Or where it’s supposed to applies to all of Amazon’s services (on a re- biggest free Wi-Fi zone. Beginning their rollout happen. searching through them” lated note, I am not enamored of the fact that soon, the coverage will start off small, but by the buying one USB cable has meant Amazon as- time the Olympic Games are here, the boroughs of suming I am in some sort of computer-cabling Westminster and Kensington and Chelsea should Struggling to spend Those who head to the editors’ picks for mafia). be covered. It even comes at no cost whatsoever to good content are better off, but only very The problems all stem from one central the taxpayer – how lovely of them. The system will What I find is that the Kindle Store (both on- slightly. The recommendations are good, but theme: Amazon is not Google, but is acting apparently be installed on street furniture through- line and on-device) is really very poor at get- are usually fairly major books that you’ll find as if it is. The book with the most number of out the covered areas, so one would hope they’ve ting you to books that you want to read. After recommended by other website and reviews. ‘hits’ doesn’t mean I’m more likely to read it. got a fairly foolproof anti-vandalism/theft system having unpacked my Kindle, I set about look- There aren’t that many of them either, and if Being able to sort by a wide variety of options thought out. Bad news though, if you live in one ing around the store to buy a few books for my you’re looking for something better than the doesn’t improve my purchasing experience. of the areas and think this means you can ditch flight the next day. When you reach the home browse feature to dive into Amazon’s library, What the Kindle Store is forcing me to do is your home broadband – the service isn’t meant as page of the store you are met with three op- this isn’t one of them. look up books in real life and head to Amazon a replacement for that purpose. Perhaps many of tions for choosing books: browsing the entire The Recommended Books section fares the to buy them when I get home, simply because us won’t be using it then – we all have internet library, choosing from a featured selection or best, but it’s still not a great effort. Buying browsing on the Kindle is a mess. If the Kindle at home and at university. Bring on complete Wi- picking up a recommended book. some Kurt Vonnegut has crowded my recom- Store is meant to be a alternative to your brick- Fi coverage on the Undergound, that’s something Browsing the entire library, as you would ex- mendations section with all of his books, along and-mortar retailer (as the Amazon marketing we’d all like to see. pect, is a mammoth task. Small as the Kindle with a scattering of bestsellers. Assuming that shtick would suggest), it’s doing a massive dis- library is at the moment, hundreds of thousands because I read one book by an author I am service to a vast user base. unionpage Why should you do the NSS?

The annual National Students Survey Rate your entire degree Secondly, you have a chance to provide has been launched with all fi nal year NSS is very different to SOLE. Use SOLE feedback on ALL areas of your University Undergraduate students receiving emails, to discuss the positives and negatives of experience, including the Students Union! letters, fl yers and, if they don’t complete your year and NSS for the positives and This is far more than SOLE provides. the survey by March, a telephone call. negatives of your whole degree. Last year’s NSS has already delivered Make your voice heard: do it now! Give detailed comments on the free- improvements for students text questions And fi nally you get a big opportunity to If you are one of the 48% of Earth There will be free-text questions where infl uence the college. Science and Engineering students who you can write what you like. Please be The response written by the Union on your has completed it – thank you. However, detailed. Last year’s comments were the last year’s NSS has already delivered if you one of the 93% of remaining Civil basis of our NSS response. improvements for students and shall sabbaticals Engineers to make your voice heard: do it continue to do so next year. The results now! Our London counterparts appear to have also shown how valued our library have a better turnout is; providing the Union with support when Scott Heath But before you rush off to we lobbied for temperature-reducing President www.thestudentsurvey.com here’s a few You still might be asking why it is solutions as well as providing the [email protected] tips: necessary for you to complete the NSS. hardworking library staff with a sense of Firstly, each Department must reach 50% satisfaction. Try not to be neutral for the results to be published. If results The options on questions range from don’t get published the effect is as good So please, spare 5 minutes and ‘Have Defi nitely Agree to Defi nitely Disagree as nobody answering the survey i.e. Your Say’. with the ‘middle-of-the-road’ option being 0%. Last year we increased participation ‘neither agree nor disagree.’ However to 65% from the 2009 fi gure of 58%. Scott. neutral responses provide no indication as However our London counterparts appear to whether things are improving or need to have a better turnout with Kings Keep up-to-date with your Sabbaticals at: some attention. Help us help you by not College on 75% and LSE on 70% – I am imperialcollegeunion.org/sabbs sitting on the fence. certain we can do better than them!

Read the Union’s response to last year’s NSS results at imperialcollegeunion.org/nss2011

imperialcollegeunion.org 14 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Politics Editors: R a j a t J a i n Joseph Letts POLITICS [email protected] Nigeria’s Nightmare Fighting for Florida

Islamists and the Giant of Africa Joseph Letts

Last Friday, gunmen bombed police stations By the end of the year, Americans will have across the northern city of Kano before taking to elected a new President. However, with no the streets to gun down pedestrians. At least 178 clear majority in public opinion for either the people have been killed by the attacks in Nigeria’s Democrats or the Republicans, who will be- second largest city. The terror group Boko Haram come the next Leader of the Free World? Who (Non-Islamic education is a sin) took full respon- will answer the call from visiting extra-terres- sibility. trial dignitaries? Boko Haram, which has only been active since The main focus of the country is the Republi- 2002, said the attacks were in retaliation for the can Nominee election. So far, having lost such government imprisoning many of their members. luminaries as Michelle Bachmann, billionaire Their broader raison d’être, however, is to end Donald Trump, Jon Huntsman, and former secular democracy in Nigeria and replace it with pizza boss Herman Cain, the list of competitors Shari’ah law. Their growing power has lead to fears has been whittled down to Mitt Romney, Newt that Nigeria may be heading for a civil war. Many of Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Ron Paul. the group’s members trained in Somalia – this re- The current Republican nominees are being fl ects an emerging trend of unity between Islamic put through their paces by a number of Prima- groups across Africa and has African leaders grow- ries and Caucuses, events where Republican ing increasingly concerned. If Nigeria cannot con- voters in each state can put their vote behind trol Islamists, other governments worry, how does a nominee of their choosing. Each extra notch A tough choice for Republicans: behold the diverse range of old, rich white men anyone else in Africa stand a chance? on their belts brings a contender one step closer With Africa’s largest population (125m), third to becoming the Republican Presidential can- largest economy, and fourth highest growth rate didate. can ally himself. Finally, with Florida lacking snatching victory from the jaws of defeat in (8.4%), Nigeria has long been described as the Since the start of 2012 there have been three strong conservative or evangelical Christian South Carolina. However his most pressing “Giant of Africa” and is part of Goldman Sachs’ primaries in the states of Iowa, New Hampshire bases, his hard approach and conservative anti- needs as he looks towards Florida are to assert “Next Eleven” high growth countries (after the four and South Carolina in which the candidates abortion and anti-homosexual agenda may not his position on a number of subjects as well BRIC countries). It has also been a centre of fi lm have frantically jostled for the position of Top gain many additional votes. as weathering a host of personal attacks. Dis- and music for much of Africa as well as a regional Dog. Starting off the fi ght the caucus in Iowa Congressman Ron Paul has had a diffi cult crediting opponents is a key part of American peacekeeper and force for stability. was held on January 3 with a narrow eight-vote time in the nominations so far. Despite a sta- elections, with this being no different. Newt The rise of Boko Haram, however, refl ects a victory going to former Pennsylvania Sena- ble and sensible approach, a lack of common Gingrich has a strong competitor in Mitt Rom- fundamental problem within Nigeria with lessons tor Rick Santorum, followed by former Mas- ground with the main line of the Grand Old ney and has already used a $5m donation to his for leaders both inside Nigeria and the rest of sachusetts governor Mitt Romney after a vote Party means that he has had a hard time gain- “super Political Action Committee” to launch a Africa, to avoid falling to extremists. The biggest re-count. The next battle was fought at the New ing votes in the Primary elections. In a strategic slew of advertisements ripping into Romney’s problem is Nigeria it is not a nation – it is 250 Hampshire primary, where Mitt Romney took a move, Paul has decided to skip the Florida pri- perceived weaknesses. However after three ethnic groups with different religions, languages double-digit lead in votes, emerging as a clear mary and concentrate his attentions elsewhere. marriages (involving two extramarital affairs) and customs placed in a common state by the leader in the contest. Upon winning, Romney Mitt Romney’s defeat in South Carolina and a Speakership in the House of Representa- British and left to its own devices when it gained spread a message of party unity, hoping to end has shaken some of his support in the party. tives ending in resignation and a fi ne by the eth- independence in 1960. Rather than encourage personal attacks between nominees. At the time Some are shocked that he was unable to suc- ics committee, Gingrich has many issues that unity around common ideas, successive military Mitt Romney was seen as the top candidate for cessfully parry attacks on his business past, could be of political benefi t to his opponents governments tried to hold the country together by the position of Republican nominee and it was fi nding it hard to understand how he could not and does little to endear him to social and reli- force before respecting the federal system which seen as a foregone conclusion that he would shield himself from attacks on a history that gious conservatives. While decried as a balloon tries to gain peace through appeasement. Giving dominate further Primaries. However, this epitomises some of the strongest principles in full of hot air and a poor team player by his each of the 37 states a high degree of autonomy changed after the re-count in Iowa and a shock- the capitalist-loving Republican Party. How- opponents, Newt Gingrich is trying to reinvent allowed the Muslim-dominated North to introduce ing thirteen-point victory by Newt Gingrich in ever Romney has started to fi ght back, having himself as a reformed, honest man who plans to varying degrees of Shari’ah law while the Christian the more socially and religiously conservative released his tax returns for the last few years de-throne President Obama and heal America. dominated South remains secular. Further, there state of South Carolina. With three primaries on Tuesday and also preaching a new message However Gingrich has some demons to face in is an unwritten rule that the presidency must al- producing three separate winners, the Repub- of tax reduction for the masses. He also has a Florida. As a former advisor to the bank Fred- ternate between a Muslim and Christian. Far from lican Presidential nominee elections have be- secret weapon; his campaign staff in Florida die Mac, an institution credited with a key part bringing long term stability, such moves encour- come a free for all. have already been running a marathon for the in the real estate crash in Florida, he will have a age and legitimise divisions. Instead, the country, So, what now? The next primary will be held last fortnight, having already spent $7m on hard time gaining favour from the home crowd. like all others, needs a common goal or idea. in Florida on January 31. This election might advertising in the state. They have publicised The race for the Republican Presidential The idea long fed to Nigerians was that of being become a turning point in the race, with the his causes so ruthlessly that as the other can- Nominee promises to be long and arduous, fi n- the “Giant of Africa.” Consistent economic mis- possibility of securing the prominence of the didates have turned to Florida they have faced ishing with the selection of a single candidate at management by successive governments, howev- latest primary winner Newt Gingrich, a former a state where 197,271 early and absentee votes the Republican National Convention on August er, has turned the idea into a myth. Much of Nige- Speaker of the House of Representatives, or have been counted with Romney leading in the 27. However, as we approach February and the ria’s wealth has come from the fact that they were giving more ground to Mitt Romney who has polls on Monday. However, there is some dis- Florida primary the Republican Party is frac- lucky enough to strike oil. However, mass corrup- recently suffered public embarrassment for be- contentment with Romney’s tax returns, after tured and undecided, with many contemplating tion has meant this oil wealth has been poorly ing reluctant to reveal his most recent tax re- admitting that he expects to have paid a mean whether to vote for the candidate they prefer managed – most Nigerians remain desperately turns to the public. It could also give Rick San- of 14.6% tax on his income over the last two or bite the bullet and vote for a candidate they poor while the hairdresser of the previous presi- torum or Congressman Ron Paul a chance to years. Some consider him an out of touch mil- despise but whom they feel will have the best dent’s wife is rumoured to have been given an oil get a foot in the door. lionaire, who as President would be unable to chance of ousting Obama. fi eld worth tens (if not hundreds) of millions of dol- Rick Santorum is trying to gain momentum. understand the needs of the general populace. And while the Republicans squabble over lars as a gift. Boko Haram may not have a specifi c After being declared the winner of the Iowa There is also some confusion over his position who will be team captain, things are much economic message, but it has been shown time caucus, he has struggled to gain a larger sup- at private equity fi rm Bain Capital, both issues calmer in the Democrat camp. With many and time again that, throughout the world, radi- port base, only receiving 17% of votes in the causing some to doubt Romney’s economic wary of the credibility of any chosen Republi- cal groups always gain popularity during times of recent South Carolina primary. Along with credibility. If Mitt Romney wants to become can nominee, the President is having a slightly economic hardship. Other African leaders must trying to discredit the electability of the two his party’s darling, he will have to pull of a stel- less publicised sting campaign. On Tuesday he not neglect their people or they too will face the most popular candidates, he sells himself as a lar performance in the Florida primaries and gave his State of the Union address where he horrors seen by the people of Nigeria last Friday. conservative who’s heart beats in time with the show the Republicans that he is a strong leader promised a blueprint for long term economic Rajat Jain Republican party. However, he has neither the and a far superior contender. stability in America and pushed for an increase money of his two leading competitors, nor a Newt Gingrich has shown twice that he can in taxes for the wealthy as well as measures to prominent organisation in the state to which he revive a fl agging campaign, most recently stimulate job growth and education.

16 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Business Editors: Nina Kearsey Beñat Gurrutxaga-Lerma BUSINESS [email protected]

Bankruptcy... A Kodak Moment? Paolo Strampelli of the Imperial Entrepreneurs charts the history of a company that has struggled to keep apace with the times

“ iling for bankruptcy… a Kodak moment” joked someone in an el- evator at one of Goldman Sachs offi ces, according to the twitter ac- count @GSElevator. On Thursday 19F January, (ex) photographic giant Eastman Kodak Co. fi led for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Low on cash, unable to effectively sell its as- sets, the company hopes through this move to slash its debts and, by forcing larger technol- ogy companies to pay to use its patents, stay in business. Kodak is now calling for a $950m bankruptcy loan, a call which seems to have been answered by the Citibank lending syndi- cate. Eastman Kodak, or ‘Kodak’ as it is most Letter from the Editors commonly known, was founded in 1899 by George Eastman in Rochester, New York. In 1900 it introduced to the American public In the Season 1 fi nale of the critically acclaimed the Brownie camera, the fi rst camera to be US drama Mad Men, man’s man Don Draper is as- produced and sold en masse. Innovation and signed with reinventing The Wheel, Kodak’s new mass production were about to put the world ‘continuous’ slide projector. The projector is an into cars and airplanes, the American Cen- apt metaphor for it’s owning company: good qual- tury was unfolding, and Kodak was ready ity, but hardly innovative – as media buyer Harry to record it. From that moment onwards, the company continued to grow: in 1976, Kodak Crane puts it, the only benefi t of the new device Could Kodak have a shot at survival? is that “it sells projectors to people who already commanded 90% of fi lm sales and 85% of have them”. camera sales in the US. In 1975, Kodak in- Back in the 60s, when the show is set, Kodak were vented the world’s fi rst digital camera. able to rest on the laurels of a strong brand name, So, how did a company with such a glori- sumers would betray its sacred brand. This Rochester-based former giant will mutate built over their long history and from a dominant ous history fi nd itself in such a disastrous fi - lack of foresight and excessive trust in the into a smaller company, which will be built position in the photographic fi lm market. Their nancial condition? According to some, it was brand led, often, to ill decision making, such around printers and ink. Since being elected, advertisements from the time were less than exactly that – their history – which can be as when Kodak passed on the opportunity Antonio Perez has steered the company away inspiring: dreary, black-and-white affairs, most held responsible. Robert Burley, an associate to become the offi cial fi lm of the 1984 Los from its traditional focus on cameras. In- bore more resemblance to user manuals than at- professor from Toronto’s Ryerson Univer- Angeles Olympics. Fuji obtained the spon- stead, Perez believes that Kodak’s only hope tempts to seduce the buying public. However, in sity said of Kodak, “They were a company sorship rights and, also thanks to intensive is to specialize in these markets, investing in spite of this, Kodak were able to sell their prod- stuck in time. Their history was so important marketing and price cutting, started taking technologies that would give it an advantage ucts, and by the 1970s had managed to build a to them, this rich century-old history, when Kodak’s market share, which increased from over competitors in the fi eld and allow it to 90% market share. they made a lot of amazing things and a lot 10% in 1990 to 17% fi ve years later. get back in the game. Diversifi cation (which When Mad Men premiered in 2007, Kodak was of money along the way. Now their history Thus, as a result of lack of foresight and a in the past saved Fuji from a situation very in a very different shape. Growing numbers of cus- has become a liability”. Kodak actually did series of wrong fi nancial calls, Kodak now similar to that of Kodak) could also be an tomer complaints were a symptom of the wors- foresee the digital revolution coming to a fi nds itself fi ling for bankruptcy. As Don important chapter in Kodak’s new business ening health of the company, as quality control certain extent, and made a number of invest- Strickland, ex VP of Kodak Digital Imaging plan, with medical imagining markets and and customer relations took hits in their effort to ments in this fi eld. However, Kodak could stated last week, “Kodak’s mission state- health markets some of its possible targets. fi nd a niche in the digitised environment. Through not fi gure out a business model in the digital ment has always been to be the world leader One thing we can however be sure about: Draper, the Mad Men writers were able to reas- era that produced the same returns that in- in imaging, and as a consequence of the digi- Kodak will not be forgotten. Its yellow box- sess Kodak’s relationship with its past. Reframing vestors expected based on its fi lm-based in- tal revolution there is no longer a business es of fi lm and point-and-shoot cameras made ‘history’ as ‘nostalgia’, they shifted the emphasis dustry history. Its fi rst digital product was a in imaging.” it possible for countless millions to freeze- from the company to the consumer; instead of re- product called Photo CD, launched in 1992, If successful, Kodak’s move will allow it frame their memories forever, and allow us quiring the buying public to connect with Kodak’s which still kept fi lm as the capture media to emerge as a smaller company, with fewer to remember and defi ne what an entire cen- own brand history, Draper shows how a brand can and then digitized them and saved them on employees and a change of focus to some- tury looked like. Nevertheless, even if it suc- connect the buyer to their own past. He is pitch- a CD through the use of specifi c scanners. thing very different to what the name Kodak ceeds and another smaller company emerges perfect “It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the The product was largely unsuccessful and, symbolizes to many people. Antonio Perez, from the bankruptcy proceedings, it seems carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels – more importantly, resulted in Kodak being current CEO of Kodak, believes fi ling for unlikely there is going to ever be another around and around, and back home again.” distracted by it from the digital photography bankruptcy was a necessary step on the path ‘Kodak moment’. Kodak must now attempt such a change of fo- revolution occurring in Silicon Valley at the towards achieving this, as he stated after the cus. They have the benefi t of a nostaliga for the time. move was announced: “The board of direc- Sign up for the Imperial Entrepreneurs days of red and yellow boxes of fi lm, though for Signs that Kodak’s monopoly wouldn’t tors and the entire senior management team mailing list at: imperialentrepreneurs.com Kodak to return ‘back home’ to the times of mar- last forever could however already be seen unanimously believe that this is a necessary ket dominance looks unlikely. through the way it handled its rivalry with step and the right thing to do for the future Fujifi lm in the eighties and early nineties. of Kodak.” Although Japanese Fuji entered the U.S. Is it, then, the end for Kodak? Probably – The Business Editors market with lower-priced fi lm and supplies, not. 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Find out more at db.com/careers 18 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Imperial doesn’t seem to care about its postgrads Keep a keen interest in the latest college issues

During the past week the Felix website has seen some of its highest activity ever, as various members of College have taken to our comment boards to voice their opinions over last week’s report on the potential closure of Clayponds. Dem- onstrating that the postgraduate voice Tom W Phillips at Imperial is very much alive and well, it shows that adjustments to college life are not solely exclusive to one section of Im- fter fi nishing my under- perial’s community, but rather everyone. graduate degree, I’m Even considering this, undergraduates now in my fi fth year at may be wondering why they should care Imperial studying for a about postgraduate accommodation, es- PhD. Recent news about pecially if they have no intention of pursu- Athe future of Clayponds and the Holland ing a postgraduate education. It is unwise Club has led me to believe that Imperial to continue through an academic career is disconnected from the lives and needs Griffon Studios – the best a postgrad can get? at Imperial without awareness of the de- of postgraduate students. cisions that college takes on important The college has confi rmed that it in- issues such as Clayponds or the Holland tends to close Clayponds, the postgrad- ter deal than anything Imperial offers. lent place to drink into another soulless, Club, and the effects that it has on other uate student estate in South Ealing. Its The Rector responded to criticism drab Taste Imperial clone? hugely significant areas of college life. replacement is Griffon Studios, a new, from Clayponds subwarden Craig Court I can understand that Neary wants to There can easily be repercussions from purpose-built development offering by saying that a focus group found stu- provide facilities for taught PGs, but postgraduates to undergraduates across “high quality and affordable accom- dents wanted to be within 30 minutes of destroying the best place on campus for the college, as, obviously, the student modation options” in Clapham. Unlike South Kensington. Who doesn’t? But PGs to relax with colleagues and friends body is not rigidly divided. Clayponds, there is no pastoral care sys- not at these obscene prices. Imperial (and blag free beer off their supervisors) Needless to say, Felix will report on tem at Griffon Studios – a key benefi t of appears to have completely forgotten is not the way to go about it. At best, these issues and bring them to the atten- living in university accommodation that to investigate what a typical PG can af- catering’s plans are misguided; at worst tion of Imperial, especially when bodies is particularly attractive to students new ford. Furthermore, in a move that will (and more cynically) it is an attempt to such as the Union are incensed at what to London or the UK. undoubtedly be a bitter blow to current increase the size of their food and drink they believe to be a lack of communica- A 19 square metre studio there will set Clayponds residents, proceeds from its monopoly and make even more money. tion on the part of the college. It is impor- you back £235 per week. £300 per week sale will be used to subsidise accom- There is a common thread running tant to remember that Imperial is not only will get you a 22 square metre studio modation in Griffon Studios to the tune through both of these issues: Imperial made up of undergraduates, nor solely that’s apparently suitable for couples. of £25 per week. What is the point in needs to become more aware of the fi - postgraduates. Not every major story will In contrast, a single room in Clayponds building new accommodation that is so nancial realities of postgraduate life and revolve around one particular area of col- ranges from £104-£148 per week and a expensive it has to be subsidised from needs to listen more carefully to the lege. The fact that there have been so single studio is from £181. the proceeds of selling existing housing needs of students and, in the case of the many comment from those affected by To put that in context, I’m a post- that has great feedback from residents? Holland Club, staff. It is unacceptable the Clayponds story cements the fact graduate student in the Plastic Elec- The second development to cause me that the Union was not consulted about that news has a reach across the entirety tronics Doctoral Training Centre and to doubt Imperial’s commitment to PGs Clayponds and that the bar manager, of Imperial. my stipend is £1299 per month. Living is the recent news that college catering Kevin Young, and the Holland Club Comments will continue to be made on in the smaller studio would cost me a is planning to convert the Holland Club, committee were not consulted about upcoming stories as term unfolds. Con- whopping £1018 per month and leave the staff and PG bar in the basement of catering’s plans from the very begin- sider your own input into the stories that me with £281 for living costs. No won- the Sherfi eld building, into yet another ning. Postgraduates are responsible for affect you and ensure that you are aware. der they haven’t fi lled all the rooms. My catering outlet. The response has been the bulk of the world class research that After all, as you are no doubt reminded, girlfriend and I privately rent a fl at in overwhelmingly in support of the Hol- makes Imperial the great institution it it’s not all about academia here. Make Southfi elds twice the size of Griffon land Club. At the time of writing, the Want to get is. I urge the college management to not the most of your Imperial experience and Studios for £230 per week – a much bet- Save the Holland Club Facebook page into an argu- let them down. understand what is happening around has nearly 800 fans and there are 57 ment with you. comments on a college announcements a stranger Herein lies the point: exercise your right blog post – all against the plans. about a to respond to articles online, and in do- ImperialIImperiamperia appears Jane Neary, head of Commercial difference You. Yes, you, reading this ing so keep the stories that matter to you Services, told Felix that catering was in opinion? very text. Want to write at the forefront of college life. Consider to have completely unable to meet demand last year. How Well, you’re in luck. All for Comment? No? Do you writing a comment article for this very pa- can Neary explain that I can go into any literally want us to beg? per about an issue that you find impor- forgotten to catering outlet at 1pm and fi nd cabi- you need to tant. Whether Imperial-related or not, free nets unfi lled? I worked as a bookseller do is read opinion and expression is at the forefront investigate what for six years and when the shops didn’t this on the Send in your submissions of this paper. “ meet customer demand, we didn’t build new invention to: a typical PG can a new shop, we restocked the shelves or called the changed the products. Perhaps catering “internet” at: comment.felix@imperial. afford. should try this approach before trying felixonline. ac.uk ” to assimilate a well-loved and excel- co.uk FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 1915 COMMENT Higgs boson? Probably Heston again

eston Blumenthal can last laugh was on me when, during my be a bit pretentious. college canteen-inspired squelchy veg- Take his recipe for etable souffl é demonstration on Box- green bean salad: ing day, the liquid nitrogen container spilt over his leg and he lost four toes. H1. Build a zero-gravity space capsule There is, however, one seemingly and fi ll with water. Bring water to boil. unnecessarily arduous recipe in the 2. Chop ends off beans using Navy book that is worth the bother. That SEALS LASER tracking system. makes my initial anger look rightfully 3. Insert vacuum-packed green beans misjudged, that I should just “calm into the capsule. down dear”. I used to think a potato Charles Betts 4. Cook for 265.3π seconds, monitor- was just a potato, that to make chips ing the crunchiness of the beans every all you had to do was boil them for 10 0.0000000001 seconds using the Vick- minutes or so and then fry them. Hes- ers hardness test, set to HV10. ton has taught me otherwise. First, the 5. Refresh beans with liquid nitrogen potato chips need to be rinsed under cooled Amazonian rain water and dry running water to remove any surface in CERN Particle Accelerator. starch. They are then boiled in a pan 6. Serve with injection moulded mus- of simmering water for 20-30 minutes tard vinaigrette. and left too cool. They then go in the freezer for at least an hour, before be- It’s enough to make me scream “No- ing fried in grapeseed oil to create a NO, LEFT THE CHIPS IN THE OVEN FOR 10ns TOO LONG. WHY ALWAYS ME? body cares! Nobody cares!” It‘s just light crust. By this stage, used to meals overenthusiastic drivel from what ap- prepared in under half an hour, my This,This, I iimmediately pears to be a slightly unhinged, bor- stomach starts grumbling. Then it’s cooked chips, I dived straight in for a der how you ever put up with anything derline OCD chef. It’s all too much back in the freezer for a further hour as golden fi nger starving as I was after 3 else. Why you should live to eat. The decided,decide is when chucking the beans into a pan for my stomach starts to invoke the Battle hours of waiting. But WOW! What a chips crunched gracefully, they didn’t 3 minutes and then drizzling with ol- of the Somme, before being fried again corker! This, I immediately decided, splodge. The middle was as soft as mo- how chips are ive oil would have done just fi ne. My at a higher temperature until they are is how chips are supposed to be. This hair. These are chips as I have never brother, knowing my disdain for over- golden. So, that’s around 3 hours to is what the potato is for. This is what known; they surprise you. One imme- supposed to be. complicated cooking, gave me Hes- make some bloody chips. It all seems happens when a nerdy chef cooks diately feels privileged that this fellow “ ton’s At Home book for Christmas – a a bit like when the US spent millions and re-cooks different potato recipes has shared his secrets with us. It’s like This is what the bitter-sweet respite from the hilarious of dollars developing a special pen that hundreds of times and uses science to Fernando Alonso giving you a driving annual gag of planting a chocolate wil- could work in space, and the Russians guide him. Odd how you can forget lesson, or Stephen Fry showing you potato is for ly in the bottom of a used, otherwise just took a pencil. what really good food tastes like. And how to use Twitter. It’s just… well, it’s empty PlayStation 3 box. Although the When I fi rst made these triple- each time you rediscover it, you won- just lovely. Tuition fees protests wastes good placards

pparently 2012 is going and networking are always necessary the Government will give you enough whisky, amongst other things. to be a bumper year for for starting in better-paid careers. money to live and pay for your tuition, There is so much to be angry about in protests, and I am quite The life of a graduate in 2012 is wild- and by the time you have to pay it back 2012 that protesting about tuition fees looking forward to them. ly different from that of one from the you’ll be quite rich by many people’s is like running into a burning house to As the late Christopher Hitchens era, which makes the tripling standards. Of course, in an ideal world rescue an expensive packet of biscuits AHitchens once wrote, “seek out argu- of tuition fees appear to be, at first sight, there would be no fees, and of course while several young children scream ment and disputation for their own sake; “the biggest betrayal of young people it’s annoying suddenly having to pay with pain as the flames engulf them in the grave will provide plenty of time for in postwar British politics” as anti-fees more of them, but that’s all it is: an- the next room. silence”. But what would the brilliant campaigner Michael Chessum wrote in noying. Like a persistent itch, or David Nevertheless, this weekend the Na- man have made of the recent tuition the Guardian last year. If going to uni- Cameron’s patronising and rather sinis- tional Campaign Against Fees and Cuts fees increase? Having earned a third versity is so essential, why would the ter voice: we just have to deal with it, it’s (NCAFC) will meet for its National Stephen Smith class degree in PPE from Oxford, and Government want to discourage thou- really not that bad. Conference in Liverpool. There they having achieved in his short life much sands of people with higher fees? Consequently, protesting about tui- will discuss and decide how this year’s more of merit than David Cameron – But is it really as bad as Chessum tion fees is a waste of good placards, student protests will unfold. My only who got a first class degree in precisely claims? A graduate on a standard especially when there is a huge number hope for the conference is that they the same course – he would probably £25,000 salary will only pay back £7 of other, vastly more worrying, issues leave as the National Campaign Against ThereThere isi a huge advise against going to university at all. per week. Think of David Cameron as about which to protest. The semi-pri- Cuts, putting the question of tuition fees He’d say that it’s vastly overrated, except a friendly gentleman giving you four vatisation of the NHS, the disgustingly aside until the more serious matters are numbernumbe of other, for the cheap alcohol. years of education and housing in ex- harsh sentences for some London riot- resolved. In saying this, Hitchens would be – as change for two pints every Friday even- ers, corporate lobbying of the Govern- Far from being a heroic student upris- vastly more he often was – wrong but for all the right ing, and it really doesn’t seem like such ment, the complete neglect of environ- ing of the Mai ‘68 variety, as Chessum reasons. When he graduated, he became bad value. In a world where no degree mental issues, the abolition of the EMA, likes to say, tuition fees protests merely worrying, issues social science editor on the Times High- often means no career, you must really the technocratification of the EU, the distract us from the truly important “ er Education Supplement, something misunderstand the loan repayment sys- approaching war with Iran, the secre- issues. As students, rising youth un- about which to unthinkable today, even with a first- tem to be put off going to University tive drone war in Pakistan, widening so- employment is our greatest worry and class degree. Currently, a good degree because of the fees. cial inequality, the atrociously selective we should concentrate our anger there. protest. is essential for all but the most menial No one should be discouraged from reporting by the popular press, rising That and the soaring price of whisky, ” of jobs, and even then, work experience applying simply because they are poor: unemployment, and the soaring price of naturally. 20 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] Learn to think better of teaching

hree out of four second- mass education. Virtually all our soci- ary school students are ety’s progress comes from these last not taught physics by a four centuries. In light of this, it could specialist physics teacher. be convincingly argued that the job of 16% of those eligible for a teacher, who educates children, is Tschool meals make it to university. one of the most important and worth- Independent schools, however, man- while jobs possible. age to send 96% of theirs to higher Yet when I look closer at what the education. These points are raised by reality of being a teacher entails, I see Teach First (whose mission is to ad- a pay freeze for the next four years at a dress educational disadvantage and time when infl ation has reached 5%. I Jakov Marelic who have been active around Imperial see their pensions under attack. Micro- recently). Their solution? Train as a management, bureaucracy and over- teacher yourself. If enough individu- work erode their work-life balance. At als who are physics graduates become least offi ce temps don’t have to take teachers, the problem will be solved. their work home with them. Teach- Samuel L. Jackson in Coach Carter, can a motherlover say awesome, ... it couldccoo be Now, it’s been said society has three ers also suffer a lack of respect from inspirational teacher up in here? essential facets. One, to provide food the ill-informed, who think they fi nish convincinglyconvinc and shelter so individuals can survive. work at 3pm and do nothing in school Two, to bear and rear children to re- holidays. Furthermore, I see the school nancial institutions were on the verge and greed of the top 1%. argued that the place the dead. And three, to educate, building project cancelled, religious of bankruptcy and managed to con- The goals of Teach First are noble research and to achieve progress so groups invited to take over the run- vince the New Labour government to indeed, but I can’t help thinking edu- job of a teacher... that the next generation is better and ning of schools (Education Secretary transfer their private debts onto the cation might be better if they joined “ smarter than everything that came Michael Gove was forced to deny they public balance sheet, with no strings an anti-austerity group. Teach First is one of the most before it. The fi rst two of these tasks would teach creationism) and market attached. The banks got an excellent tells us to each solve the problem indi- have been done by animals for bil- forces being introduced to education deal; teachers got sold out. This debt vidually, but they forget we have much important and lions of years, but the third is done (don’t get why this is bad? Imagine if had to be paid off, so all political par- more power collectively when we only by humans in the last 400 years access to education was as unevenly ties started talking about how much work together. History and experience worthwhile jobsjob or so since rediscovery of ancient distributed as income). they’d cut, by how much they’d reduce demonstrates this. With better working Greek civilization. It led to the inven- There is a reason for all this, the public sector salaries and pensions, conditions and benefi ts, good teachers possible tion of the telescope, microscope and mainstream press will be quick to tell and how much teachers would be eco- will naturally become attracted to the air pump, and gave rise to the idea of us: the debt. In 2008, several large fi - nomically punished for the mistakes profession. Pigs ”– our friends and maybe our equals

etting home one day, I cine pals. Pig hearts, sow livers, bacon was met with an unwel- kidneys – these things need not sound as come, albeit familiar, daft as they do. sight. The living room Although, in the interests of balance, looked like a bomb had maybe we should start making human goneG off and the rubble had been picked suede and human bacon? That brings me over by looters. In the kitchen, scores of onto another point of similarity. Human mice were defending the ceramic moun- meat tastes most like pork… so I have tain range by the sink from an amor- been told. In the language of the Mar- phous and strangely sentient fungus. I quesas Islands of Polynesia, the word for dared not step into the bathroom – from human translates as Long Pig. However, Rhys Davies what I could see, I didn’t know whether the semantics ties itself in knots when Not even the ultra masculine Timothy Dalton can bring himself to shoot to call a professional cleaner or an exor- the word for pig translates as Short Hu- man’s equals: pigs. He’s so dreamy... cist. Faced with this special circle of hell, man. The words for all other animals are there was only conclusion I could reach: a specifi ed number of chickens in a coat. I’m living with pigs! The word for chicken is some kind of food to medicine, with so many charm- One option that would be for the ben- On refl ection, this might not be quite vegetable, I believe. ing phrases along the way. In return, we efi t of everyone would be to give pigs the hyperbolic statement that it appears Religion has tended to have a dim have not been so generous. Apart from fl ying lessons. Microlights, biplanes, to be. We may be most closely related view of pigs. They’ve always been the occasional lovelorn chap who mar- Boeing 747s; it doesn’t matter. We could PigsPigs hhavehaa given with chimps, but we share much in com- seen as dirty, greedy, unclean animals, ries a pig, we have consistently taken transform the phrase, “when pigs fl y” mon with our barnyard friends. not quite kosher, quite haraam. I don’t without giving back. Given our intimate from a cynical scoff at a far-fetched idea us so mmuch, from Medically, we have much to owe the want to get into any theological debates relationship with our porcine cousins, to simply a measure of time. If pigs could pig. Before E. coli and human DNA got here (goodness knows Comment loves this is categorically wrong. So, what fulfi ll their dreams, what would stop you food to medicine, drunk together at a party in 1977, most them!) but it seems to me that pigs are can we do to redress this imbalance? from yours? On a practical note, they insulin came from pigs – for which the scapegoat (scape-pig?) for the nature Offer them some rashers of Danish ba- could also fi ll in when BA strikes again. with so many diabetics of the world rejoice. And un- of an animal that doesn’t walk with clo- con made with real Danes? Or at least I’m not the only one to notice this fun- “ less the law making motorcycle helmets ven feet, but does speak with a cloven a selection of chickens in an overcoat. damental bond between man and pig. charming phrases compulsory is repealed or stem cells ac- tongue and thinks with a cloven mind. Maybe we should donate our kidneys en Winston Churchill said: “Dogs look up tually prove themselves useful for some- Pigs have borne this misrepresentation masse as a gesture of reparation? Maybe to man. Cats look down to man. Pigs along the way thing, we can fund the defi cit in organ with characteristic good humour. not. I can’t speak for you, but I’m using look us straight in the eye and see an ” donors with a little help from our por- Pigs have given us so much, from mine at the moment. equal.” FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 21 COMMENT SOPA: who got the last lulz?

“ ou cannot censor the In- The websites blacked out on Thursday ternet. You cannot sub- to protest against provisions in the Stop poena a hashtag. You Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and Protect cannot arrest an idea. Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) bills, You CAN expect us.” which threatened the health of the inter- YThese are the words of decentralised net. If they went through, the US gov- hacktivist online group Anonymous, ernment would have the ability to order tweeted as they launched a hailstorm of ISPs to alter their DNS servers from re- Distributed Denial of Service (DDOS) solving the offending websites, to force attacks on various websites just hours search engines like Google to modify after the US Government shut down their results to exclude such sites, and Alexander Megaupload.com on Thursday 19 Janu- so on. Outright censorship. I’m not an ary. Their attacks successfully brought advocate of piracy, though I believe in Sorry, we know some of you are so street that the sight of feds is terrifying Karapetian down websites belonging to the RIAA, freedom of speech and believe the inter- MPAA, Universal Music, the Depart- net is our safest place to express this. ment of Justice, the US Copyright Of- I’d heard of Megaupload through your life, a photo is potentially an in- a slave and accepts commands originat- fi ce, EMI, the FBI and others by fl ood- MegaVideo. It was notorious for lim- stance of a treasured memory and your ing online, allowing for increased coor- ing them with requests, but a number iting videos to 72 minutes, and I was documents are the fruits of your ongo- dination. of outlets have begun accusing them of fi rmly aware that it was a site mostly ing creative efforts, work related or not. Though use of this tool on other web- falling head fi rst into a trap. used to transfer pirated fi les. It wasn’t Take away access to all my fi les today sites equates to criminal activity, it can Thursday’s wave of activity saw the too long before people discovered how and you’ll be taking away my life. For be said that everyone who participated largest coordinated attack in the his- to make their fi lm nights more conve- this, I think that cloud backup and stor- was doing so of their own free will. tory of Anonymous, with over 9000 par- nient in fi rst year, circumventing the age are not real substitutes to their local This was, unfortunately, not the case ticipants – both willing and oblivious. MegaVideo limit by simply switching equivalents, and while Megaupload had for some unsuspecting users, since the Unsurprisingly, their efforts have been from the Imperial wireless connection a lot more problems than piracy (their program was modifi ed to work using slated as counterproductive, with claims to a wired one. employees were accused of money JavaScript and the link was shortened that the US government had deliber- While some people did use Megaup- laundering and traffi cking), I’m hesitant and distributed throughout Twitter un- ately timed the Megaupload takedown load to illegally pirate fi les, it must be to store mission critical data up there in der the Anonymous hashtag. This meant to occur directly after the SOPA protests noted a great deal of users had legiti- case of some kind of amalgamation of it could run inside a browser with no where Wikipedia, Wordpress and vari- mate intent, for instance transferring Murphy’s law and freak unavailability. downloads necessary and that the link ous websites underwent a blackout to fi les which were too big for E-mail. I More to the point, now all those 25 could be shortened to trick users into raise awareness against provisions in believe the US’s rash decision to take it petabytes are in the possession of the visiting the page without realising what the acts. down without warning was completely feds, it’s likely they’ll go through as they were getting into. It is claimed that If this is true, then it is plausible that unjustifi ed, and there has been emphasis much of it as possible to secure a con- more than 27,000 computers were in- YourYour musicmumu library not only did the US Government take lately on users who wonder what hap- viction. It’s also likely that IP address- volved in the DOJ attack with “average heed of Anonymous’s words, to “expect pened to their fi les. es of uploaders were logged too. See people participating in the DDOS at- is your ppersonal us”, but that they also considered such This raises another interesting ques- where I’m going with this? Privacy is tack from their living rooms”. The stats actions may play in their favour by over- tion regarding cloud services: why completely out the window, and the US were, however, not broken down into soundtrack to shadowing the peaceful and lawful pro- Megaupload and not, for example, Rap- government nonchalantly demonstrated the amount of traffi c from the voluntary tests from all the websites blacking out idshare? In fact, Rapidshare reportedly they didn’t really need SOPA anyway. program as opposed to the involuntary your life, a photo last week. Popular tech website CNET’s are “not concerned” about the takedown, Now while I disagree with these vio- JavaScript link. “ Molly Wood reported that “if the SOPA/ emphasising that they don’t provide fea- lations, I must also disagree with some Some Anonymous spokespersons is potentially an PIPA protests were the web’s moment tures such as a rewards system for fre- methods used by Anonymous to DDOS responded saying that “preying on un- of inspiring, non-violent, hand-holding quently downloaded fi les. Rapidshare, the affected websites after Megaupload suspecting users is despicable”, and that instance of a civil disobedience, [the move by Anon- Dropbox and Windows Live SkyDrive went down. The attacks were conducted they “need to fi ght for the user, not land ymous] feels like the unsettling wave of all fall into the same category from a by the aptly named Low Orbit Ion Can- them in jail”, though we cannot be sure treasured memory... car-burning hooligans that sweep in and technical perspective, and a fair propor- non program (C&C gamers will get the who can speak for them and whose word incite the riot portion of the play.’’ tion of us use these services regularly. reference), a piece of software initially to trust, due to their decentralised na- take away access It is likely that this would be ripe What happens to our fi les if a service is written by the ‘’good guys’’ to per- ture. These issues surrounding Anony- ammunition for the US government to taken down? form stress tests and load balancing on mous give the vigilante group an aura of to all my files today use against freedom on the internet and Megaupload’s servers contained networks. The software was later open recklessness, which the US government I think this will cause them to call for more than 25 petabytes of data (over sourced and people began voluntarily don’t hesitate to exaggerate, and while and you’ll be taking tighter internet controls to crack down 25,000,000 gigabytes), personal fi les, using it to fl ood websites with connec- SOPA appears to have indeed perished, on what they perceive as cyber-terror- and I’m appalled at their availability be- tion requests, causing them to over- we can only ask ourselves: at what cost? away my life ism, and at the very least, may provide ing so abruptly withdrawn. Your music load and go down. It even has a ‘’Hive Now excuse me while I mourn Megaup- emotional motivation for them to do so. library is your personal soundtrack to Mind’’ mode, where the program acts as load with 72 minutes of silence. Lord ”what a mess – A letter to the editor

If you wish to write a Dear Editor, Robert Winston”, “Lady Eliza Man- Dukes and Marquesses are styled in Just because the BBC and others ningham-Buller” and others regularly the format “Lord (or Lady) [forename] routinely fuck it up doesn’t mean Fe- letter, email: I would like to protest in the weakest appear despite being hideously im- [surname]”, and not actual peers. lix has to. possible terms against the total disre- proper. According to Debrett’s – a re- Should one insist on including the Best wishes, gard Felix shows for the correct style source I use almost as much as How to fi rst name then it should come before Christopher Kaye [email protected] of address of Peers of the Realm. Get Laid, but to more avail – it is only the peerage title; think “Alfred, Lord Junior Treasurer References to life peers “Lord the younger sons and the daughters of Tennyson”. ICU History Society. 22 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Arts Editors: W i l l P r i n c e Eva Rosenthal ARTS [email protected] The Poet’s Column Hockney’s biggest Passage of Rhyme by Pavitar Devgon

A top the world sits a bubbling spring splash yet? Where white lilies grow and nightingales sing Here snow slowly falls; the air is so thin Whence water outfl ows and then it begins. David Hockney mixes traditional and modern mediums

The mountainous creek runs down the slope swift Waterfalls pouring to crash upon drift to recreate Yorkshire landscapes of dazzling colour Fleeing fast from the fraught cold of the cliff Winding its way to the arbourous rift

Between the trees, quenching soil and life Fulfi lling their needs while bearing their strife Arriving where dwell both sparsely and rife Whistling on like sweet fl ute and shrill fi fe

It fl ows further fore and happens a lake Streaming in all it has learned upon wake Taking all given, it gives all it takes Soon sliding onward the sinuous snake

The marshland, it wanes and salinates fl ows Cordgrass and Juncus breed; nothing else grows The delta drinks rivers, this we all know The water here rages; here the wind blows

The blue river’s journey fi nally ends Amid ocean torrents, global heat trends Cascading and tumbling in the sea The cycle completed, now Avanti! ‘Winter Timber’ 2009 – Blue Wood. Like blue balls but worse

Eva Rosenthal throughout the painting and the tiny leaves the 21st century. The iPad drawings are just fl ung against a grey sky, virtually carried his fi rst forage into technology; the fi lm in- The Politician’s Fingernails Herman Hesse, the German novelist and poet, by a breeze. It must surely be that Hockney stallation is a technical feat but also comple- wandered for some time through the Swiss experiences a different reality to us; it is one ments the oil landscapes by taking the ‘aug- by Kadhim Shubber countryside – and wrote as a result the aptly so concretely understood however, that his mented’ reality a step further. There are two named Wandering. His book is about many Yorkshire landscapes, almost by obligation, phases, the fi rst taking place in a colourful, things, one of them being a communion epitomize nature. Nature, its essence, is con- bright room in which separate cameras were Are my fi ngernails too long? with nature. Hesse tells his reader “Trees are fi dently expressed such that reality is almost used to fi lm the movements of ballet danc- They look ok... head up, stop looking at them sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to augmented; the landscapes could even be ers. The images were then collaged, con- (smile!) them, whoever knows how to listen to them, viewed as an improvement (at least within the torted, resulting in a different perspective They feel kind of long. can learn the truth” and these words resound- confi nes of the RA!) on Yorkshire itself. of reality, reminiscent of the Grand Canyon ed with especial strength throughout the two collages. The second phase is comprised of There. When I clench my fi st like a man! hours spent at David Hockney’s new show at several slow motion fi lms of the Yorkshire I can feel them. Oh. My. God. the Royal Academy of Arts. For the creation “Hockney’s work advo- countryside. These were fi lmed using nine Can other people feel them? of the new works exhibited in A Bigger Pic- cameras mounted on a moving van, each ture, Hockney has not strayed from his native cates a return to nature camera capturing a slightly different area When I shake their hands? Yorkshire, painting the forests and fi elds near of the landscape. The effect is hypnotic; the Like this lady (smile!) Can she feel them? his home. Nevertheless, the concept of unity and form in art” combination of almost imperceptible move- I love her eyebrows. with nature and the natural world in his paint- ment and collaged images results in a novel ing is readily observed. countryside, one that could be representative I think she’s noticed my nails. A Bigger Picture (a reference to Hockney’s The same scenes recur, depicted at different of nature everywhere. Why am I still holding her hand? Let go! famous ‘A Bigger Splash’) is an exhibition on times in the same season or year. The land- Hockney’s work seems to advocate a return Dammit, you let go too quickly! (Smile!) a massive and grand scale. There is a retro- scape that greets visitors to the exhibition is to nature and form in art. Although this may spective aspect – some early work, such as the shown in spring, summer, autumn and winter. not sound appealing to the lover of minimal- Why is Cindy staring at me? (Smile!) 1980s photo-collages of the Grand Canyon, is Hockney’s knowledge of this particular view ism for example, Hockney’s landscapes are of I hate her so much; my nails, her face, included – that succeeds because, despite its is all-encompassing, as is his understanding such quality that one cannot fail to be moved. The blood and screaming and utter joy. brevity, it chronicles with clarity the develop- of how hawthorn blossoms or of the elements For nature-starved Londoners especially, ment of Hockney’s landscapes to their present composing the ‘tree tunnel’ he has studied. this may be an opportunity to experience the Is she looking at my hands? ... She knows! state. However its onus is on the landscape Perhaps greatest in scope is the collective countryside, and its (ideally) therapeutic ef- (Smile!) (Shake hands!) Did he notice? paintings, watercolours and ‘iPad’ drawings ‘The Arrival of Spring in Woldgate Woods’, fects, without ever having to leave the city. If Oh fuck... people know. Where the fuck is Ryan? of recent years as well as sketchbooks and composed of 51 iPad drawings following the only for this reason, it is an exhibition which one extraordinary video installation. budding Yorkshire spring, the fi nal blooming should not be missed and which surely con- Slow down. Keep cool soldier! Think! Hockney has assimilated and collated the of which is culminated by an immense oil fi rms David Hockney as one of the great Brit- Plan B: Hug. Yeh. People fucking love hugs... details of nature to astonishing effect: the painting. ish contemporary artists. Shit. grandiose, whispering trees in ‘Woldgate The naturalism of A Bigger Picture is some- Woods 26, 27 and 30 July 2006’ are just what countered by the use of new technolo- David Hockney: A Bigger Picture at The that because of the dark blue colour running gies, placing Hockney’s work defi nitively in Royal Academy of Arts until April 9 FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 23 ARTS Take a gawk on Enter the Zarina the wild side Emotions run high at fi lm artist and photographer Zarina Bhimji’s retrospective at Whitechapel

Arianna Sorba ren, natural scene. It is with great talent installation. I found myself yearning for that Bhimji manages to somehow capture some kind of narrative to pull me through To coincide with the world premiere of the intense beauty in such desolate and it, a connecting thread that I sensed was her latest fi lm installation ‘Yellow Patch’, emotive moments. there but could not cling on to as image the Whitechapel Gallery in East Lon- after image slid before my eyes. Perhaps don is currently showing the fi rst major I’m simply not emotionally intelligent retrospective of the artwork of Zarina “The emotive power enough to personally respond to such a Bhimji. Born in Uganda to Indian par- restrained piece – but if that’s the case, ents, Bhimji left for Britain in the early and haunting beauty then is it really good art? 1970s to escape the brutal regime of Idi is undeniable” I found myself similarly unapprecia- Amin. This complex cultural history can- tive of the two other smaller collections not help but heavily infl uence her work, on display, ‘Cleaning the Garden’ and and partly explains her passionate focus The climax of the exhibition, the great- ‘She Loved to Breathe – Pure Silence’. on themes of loss, pain, and human dis- ly anticipated ‘Yellow Patch’, results ‘Cleaning the Garden’, one of Bhimji’s placement. from Bhimji’s journey further into her earlier collections, apparently contrast- The exhibition opens with some of own past, to India, the home of her par- ing English and Spanish traditions of for- Bhimji’s earlier work, a collection of ents. In my eyes it was far less successful. mal gardening, seemed to me to have no photographs from her series, ‘Love’. Where ‘Love’ was subtle yet expressive, strong central theme or message, provid- Taken on her visits back to Uganda, the the fi lm installation seemed simultane- ing aesthetically pleasing but ultimately Aahh, mate, aah, mate, aaaaahh, maaate, I’m bugging out so bad here photographs capture with vivid and harsh ously painfully obvious and frustratingly impersonal photographs. Meanwhile, intensity the scenes of decay and aban- abstract. Repetitive close up shots of ‘She Loved to Breathe’ came across as donment she fi nds there. In one, an enor- derelict buildings and abandoned objects uncharacteristically unsubtle, with an Margot Pikovsky The overwhelming feeling by the end mous chandelier lies disused, dominating gained little from the disjointed sounds arguably unnecessary addition of chilli however is a deep respect for the pho- the tiny room it now inhabits as the bright that accompanied them, and offered none and turmeric scattered on the fl oor be- If labs and essay deadlines have so far tographers and a profound inspiration to light refracting through its glass hints at of the personality and the evidence of hu- neath what on their own were powerful prevented you from paying a visit to the go home and create something magical the awe it would have once inspired. In manity that her earlier photographs cap- and cleverly composed images, abstract- Natural History Museum and you’re of your own. At the very least, the ex- another, a family home, bathed in warm tured so well. Brief moments of beauty ly referring to the trauma of Asian immi- looking for an excuse to get out of the hibition reminds us of how to marvel at sunlight, sits derelict and empty, poignant or interest, such as the looming wreck of grant women in the UK forced to submit library: forget the dinosaurs, forget the the beauty of nature: the intricate detail due to the obvious, aching absence of the an unfi nished ship, were utterly desen- to virginity tests in the 1970s. massive blue whale and forget the Kobe in a tern’s wings as it prepares to land family who once lived there. This idea, of sitised by the slow and passive move- Despite these criticisms, I’d still rec- earthquake room, because if there’s on water, the staggering Milky Way places now empty where there once was ment of the camera that panned across ommend the exhibition, even if only for one exhibition that you actually have stretching nonchalantly over the horizon such a strong human presence, echoes them. On some intellectual level, I was ‘Love’. The emotive power and haunt- to make it to between now and March at night or the sheer audacity of a moun- throughout the collection, from the intrigued by some of the more unusual ing beauty of some of that collection is 11th this is it: Wildlife Photographer of tain goat, several thousand feet in the air mountain of abandoned paperwork that images, and I appreciated the occasional undeniable, and as for the others... Well, committing a death-defying feat just to fi lls up one image, each fi le the ghost of contrast between the bustling movement perhaps I just didn’t ‘get’ them. reach a mineral lick (one of my personal a person now forgotten, to the mysterious captured in the audio against the total “Anyone coming to favourites – ‘Balancing Act’). bag of hypodermic syringes that invades stillness of the visual. But I was utterly Zarina Bhimji at the Whitechapel With outstanding contributions in and taints the image of an otherwise bar- unable to connect emotionally with the Gallery until March 9 this exhibition expect- many different categories and by many different participants (a particular men- ing cutesey animal tion goes to the 11-14 Years Old con- testants, whose work easily equalled snaps is converted” in brilliance those of their more senior rivals) it is a small wonder that a win- ner could be picked at all. Still, Daniel the Year. Beltra of Spain proudly takes home the The NHM and BBC Wildlife have title this year for his thought-provoking been organising and collaborating on ‘Still Life in Oil’: a portrait of a group of the competition every year since 1964, pelicans drenched in crude oil. Despite when a humble 600 submissions were my initial reservations about the win received for just 3 categories. This due to its political nature, I was oddly year’s panel of judges were faced with touched by the beautifully tragic com- more than 40,000 entries from all round position and almost palpable fear of the the world; proof of just how prestigious birds. In the winner’s words and as a the competition has become over the perfect summary of the competition as a last half century. whole: “I wanted to create a set of imag- Anyone coming to this exhibition es that wouldn’t look out of place in an expecting cutesy animal snaps is soon art gallery [...] it’s a route to understand- converted: the ensemble is such a vi- ing that doesn’t depend on shock. I think brant celebration of the fusion of man’s it gets the message to a wider audience, creativity and the glory of nature, tech- because if the image is aesthetically ap- nical prowess, and artistic fl air that it’s pealing, people are more likely to stop.” hard not to lose yourself and let go of Seriously, don’t take my word for it: the outside world for several hours. just go see. The exhibition is more than a col- lection of pretty pictures though: some Wildlife Photographer of the Year at photos will leave you bewildered, oth- the Natural History Museum until ers shocked, impressed or dumb-struck. March 11 ‘Your Sadness is Drunk’. My drunkness is horny like Newt Gingrich in an open relationship

26 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Stephen Smith MUSIC [email protected] Kadhim’s totally hot album of the week Inescapable Fate Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto talks death and dubstep with Dizzee Rascal DirteeTV.com lead guitarist Will Jones, ahead of the Felix Music Night Skank Recordings

2012 How long has the band been going? I really should know this… I’ve been playing with them for a couple of years, but they were already together for a few years before that.

Wow. So it’s a quite a long standing band then. Yeah, but it’s… piss poor, because we’ve The most irritating thing about Tim Westwood is only played about 5 or 6 gigs. Just far too this: he’s actually 100% credible. He’s been sup- busy really. We practice every week but we porting UK hip-hop since the 80s and, by all fair just don’t play many gigs, though recently metrics, has earned the right to ram obnoxious we’ve been heading out more. We played the horns and gunshot sounds up the backside of Fiddler’s Elbow in Camden last term, with every track he plays on his radio show. I, on the a couple of other thrash and rock bands. It other hand, have absolutely zero street-cred – un- was pretty well received. We’ve got a couple less of course you count the Walkway as a street, more gigs lined up this term. and you accept furiously avoiding eye contact as ‘cred’. Would you say you guys are death metal, Which, you could argue, might make my deci- thrash metal, or somewhere in between…? sion to choose Dizzee Rascal’s new mixtape as I heard someone calling you brutal death my Totally Hot Album of the Week slightly strange. metal. The only UK hip-hop I’ve ever listened to is Foreign Oh, we’re not brutal by any standards. We Beggars; whose 2003 album Asylum Speakers is a only have about two blast beats in our entire Spikey metal logo replaced with baroque oil painting. must-listen and whose 2008 song ‘Hit that Gash’ repertoire. I think Greg (Power, founder of is... well, fi nd out for yourself. So, what insights the Felix Music Nights last year) got it into about grime, a genre of music as far removed from his head, but I’d say we’re more thrashy, but So you have a steady back beat with some- I actually did that once. For two years I my expertise as astute political analysis is from the vocals are death. thing really funky over the top. You separate would listen to, of all metal genres, black Dizzee, could I offer you? Well to you ‘haters’ – your hands from your feet, sort of. It’s quite metal. The really deep underground stuff. At see, I can totally get into this – I say this: I may Cookie Monster style. syncopated which is why you could call it one point I realised that it was just stagnant. not understand a word of French, but I’d sure as Yeah, well there’s a bit more diction. I’ve groovy. I suppose Meshuggah pioneered that The whole genre is about achieving a point hell as jizz my pants if Audrey Tautou started talk- heard worse than Sean’s vocals. You can style. I really enjoy music which has a lot of of perfection in the sound, being cult and ing to me. make out what he’s saying if you listen close- polyrhythms. That’s not really what we play true and whatever. Ironically, it’s about be- Let’s be clear: this ain’t no pop record. With Cal- ly. with Inescapable Fate though, because it ing as under produced and grim as possible. vin Harris off cheating on him with Rihanna (who often comes to a stage when it just becomes Metal has merged with so many genres now, would say no?), Dizzee has gone back to the quick- Hold on, my recorder’s running out of wankery. We’re a lot more straight up. it’s almost ridiculous to list them… you can fi re spitting with which he fi rst made his name in juice… Let me just delete these traffi c re- get symphonic metal, jazz fusion… the early 2000s. All that festival-pop nonsense cordings. That’s cool. I didn’t know you did solo elec- has gone the way of Sports Direct’s stock and bug- Do you use that to record traffi c? tronics. You can attach the metal tag to anything… gered off down the street. Grime-Dizzee is back. Yeah. I fi nd myself listening to a lot of sad, that’s the problem with rap metal haha The tracks are bombastic, viciously-tight, full of Among other things. Mainly to get source atmospheric music. Just long… long, sad Yeah haha and it sounds stupid at fi rst but it swagger, and as energetic as an LHC proton (and material for samples. tracks… I must sound like such a miserable does help to open your ears a lot and you can yes, that joke is exactly why I’ll never have street- I’ve recorded some rain sounds before with fuck haha end up listening to straight jazz afterwards. cred). But naff jokes aside, there’s something one of those. primally appealing about this mixtape. It makes It’s okey. I meant to ask you about dubstep actually. you want to bounce off the walls, get pumped up, Oh cool. Do you use them in the band or for I think that’s what drew me into metal. It just seems to release a lot of… displaced and perhaps run about throwing gang signs while your own solo projects? There’s a lot of attack but there can also be a anger. studiously avoiding confrontation with people who It’s for my own stuff. I’ve got a few tracks lot of really strong melodies. I think dubstep is actually electronic ‘djent’. actually understand the lingo... on my DoC homepage, of all places, that are You can really draw a parallel because dub- I’ve genuinely got nothing bad to say about this more or less different than what we play in Yeah. I think what most people don’t seem to step is really about dropping a thump when tape. Criticism is fairly diffi cult when you’re busy the band. Sort of like the stuff you played at grasp about metal, and why they tend to just you least expect it. Some of the stuff the Mu- concentrating on skanking like a total boss. Impe- KABLAAM, I quite enjoy the sort of atmo- shun it away, is that they don’t see the ca- sic Tech guys do I really enjoy. Breaks and rial, it’s time to leave your comfort zone and get spheric sounds. At the moment I’m really into thartic side of it. When I was playing metal things. dirtee this week. Just think of it as gateway grime. sort of groovy stuff, like polyrhythms, which I found it to be such a powerful release of I don’t really mind… I think the most, I Peace out. I’ve been doing a lot of recently. Synths as energy that’s pretty hard to fi nd otherwise. wouldn’t say irritating, but sad thing, is when well… I love electronics basically. Yeah. I guess my advice to anyone who wants you see people listening to music and they’re to get into metal is not to take it too seriously. just not really doing anything. I fi nd it very Tweet me @kadhimshubber and let me know wheth- Groovy how? Drum based or oscillatory? When I play or just listen to it I just can’t help diffi cult to not even tap your foot… like you er it’s acceptable for a guy who went to private The genre I’m in at the moment is called but want to move, it’s kind of bizarre. When said, at least with dubstep there is a release. school in Eastbourne to say ‘Peace out’. Alternative- ‘djent’. you’ve got a kick drum up at volume and it ly, tweet @CalvinHarris and tell him, “If I ever see resonates and you can feel it in your body… I guess there are also the more intellectual you near Dizzee again, I’ll pop a cap brah!!!” I read about that in your interview with There’s a lot of fanatics who are really elitist styles of music like jazz and IDM. Greg last term. Isn’t that metal though? but you know, if you don’t like that music, Yeah, but that’s really for the musicians I It is metal. It’s kinda like Marmite – the sort that’s fi ne, don’t worry about. But I fi nd that think. At a lot of metal gigs, the audience is of thing you either love or hate. The idea is a lot of metal musicians I meet are actually full of... not nerds, but… even the bands say you play a very simple 4/4 beat and the bass really open minded. There’s no point putting it would be nice if our music would be more drum follows the guitar… it’s not necessarily yourself in a box and listen to only one kind accessible to people who don’t understand the idea but that’s how a lot of people do it. of music. Continued overleaf... FELIX Friday 27 January 2012 27 MUSIC

Head down Spank Alley George Jeffery’s A beginner’s guide to Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto on Big Muffs, dingy bars and post-hardcore classical music with THROB’s jazz-funk outfi t Lesson 3: Glassjaw

Who’s in the Spank Alley? effect pedal in rehearsal tonight. What’s guys were all playing from sheet music. Are Matt: I’m Matt, fi rst year PhD student and I wrong? Are you okay? you guys classically trained? play the drums Jordan: I’m having withdrawal symptoms Jordan: Don’t look at me. Jermyn: Jermyn, 3rd year Biochemistry, un- already. That’s what the ale’s for. dergraduate. I play the saxophone. How long have you been playing your instru- Faris: I’m Faris. I’m a 3rd year PhD student So do you prefer to go light on the crazy stuff ments? and I play the piano. with the jazz band? Jermyn: 11 years. Jordan: Jordan, also 3rd year PhD. Bass. Jordan: It’s not really appropriate is it… Matt: Same for me. Half my life. Eugene: Eugene. I’m a 3rd year undergrad Chemist and I play the guitar. Do you ever go through episodes where the Gone… other guys let you do your thing? Matt: Just gone… Eugene, I have to ask you about your guitar. Jordan: Not really… It’s just beautiful. …behind the drums. Bashing away at the The point of this column is to give you enough It’s a 1965 Gibson hollow body. I bought it on So do you feel repressed with this band? past. guidance so that you can go out into the big bad Demark Street downtown, which is the worst Jordan: Haha na, it’s just a bit of a change. Keys? world of post-hardcore and not end up naked, lying place to buy a guitar because they’ll just rip Just walking bass lines. Faris: About 20 years I think. I only got into in fi lth and eating your own rancid faeces. That was you off. Good place to window shop though. jazz about 6 years ago though. Before that I meant to be symbolic for listening to poor music by Jordan and I were going to play at THROB was just playing whatever, just by ear. I’m the way. To set you up with a solid foundation, the Do you know it’s history? but we only jammed once. jealous of people who can actually sight read. fi rst few episodes in this saga consist of the older The shop owner said he bought it off someone Jordan: We could have gone for half an hour I’m not one of those people. but integral champions of this genre and to add an- after a gig in the 1970s. That’s what he says of feedback to be honest. other sturdy block to this foundation, this week I anyway. give you Glassjaw. When I came into your rehearsal tonight I The majority of you will probably know the lead Jordan, I noticed you were only using one noticed something different right away: you Continued overleaf... singer Daryl Palumbo from pop group Head Auto- matica but I assure you, Glassjaw could not be more different. Being from New York themselves, their style is heavily infl uenced by the early NY hard- ...Continued from Page 26 Why do people care? You go to see one, the Elvis? core scene although Palumbo’s signature vocal how it works. But I guess that’s sort of the other or both. I have no idea. sound adds a great deal of likeability to this niche attraction for a lot of people, understand- I thought you were going to ask about more style. Their debut album Everything You Ever Want- ing what’s going on and the satisfaction of I have a feeling there are a lot of closet rav- capital D’s besides dubstep. ed To Know About Silence is held by their “most knowing that for example the next three bars ers among the metalheads. loyal” fans to be their best but those not perched are going to be all messed up but you actu- Yeah, I don’t get why it’s controversial. Oh yeah, I wanted to talk about death. comfortably on a hipster-high-horse recognise their ally know all the notes. I don’t really expect haha none of our songs are about death ac- second and most recent full-length release Worship that for a lot of the things I play. But it’s What about The Prodigy playing alongside tually. A lot of them seem to be about the And Tribute to be a work of mastery. nice every once in a while when someone Black Sabbath and Metallica? fi nancial collpase, like ‘Infl ate/Defl ate’, be- Along with these two full-length albums, Glassjaw comes up and says, oh “I enjoyed your mu- I would say Black Sabbath are less heavy cause Laurie seems to have a real problem have also released four incredible EPs and various sic” even if they don’t have a clue what you than The Prodigy, who use a lot of guitar with that. demos. All of these releases have their share of were doing, but that’s fi ne because part of samples anyway. I think it’s cool. It means savage and softer tracks but the pure essence of the satisfaction is achieving that. You know, that they can guarantee enough of an audi- Nice. So what’s with the “morbid fascina- post-hardcore is wired into every second. EYEWT- like when you see someone get up on stage ence for that sort of thing. tion of death” to quote a certain Norwegian KAS is mainly composed of heavy tracks but after and they’re thinking “oh, I’m going to start band? this release the band started showing a less ag- playing in fi ves now, just to be an ass” and Apparently Lou Reed collaborated with That’s like asking why most other music is gressive side, with Palumbo starting to sing more no one else will notice, right, because it just Metallica. obsessed with love? Some people might fi nd than just blare pig noises. Their music is hard to gets lost. But if it sounds good, it sounds He played some stuff on their latest album. that just as insipid. I personally don’t care. describe but I think the best way would be to say it good. Lyrics are just noise between solos, right? has palpable hardcore roots with a chilling edge… That being said, in jam nights I rarely play I’ve never listened to it but I’ve always I think there are more offensive topics than sometimes. The experience can be likened to metal because metal’s really hard to impro- heard great things about Lou Reed’s Metal death that are commonly dealt with. someone punching you in the teeth and then whis- vise well on. It often ends in tears. It’s a lot Machine Music, which is basically 6 hours pering in your ear to take your little pants off… or easier to make interesting improve in jazz or of clanging metal noises and feedback. I’m somewhat puzzled by what some people something less rapey. (Why does rape always come something. MMM has infl uenced so much later music are capable of singing about. up in this column?) that I almost don’t feel the need to listen to Well there’s a band called Necrophagus, Anyway what I’m trying to say is that the music Either that or it just ends up sort of psy- those records. Just the idea of it... which refers to the practice of eating dead is very good and has given the band it’s rightful chedelic. Yeah, I’m sure you can recognise it in a lot people. I think that’s part of the joke though. place in post-hardcore history. Glassjaw have a new Yeah, if you have a looper it can be a lot of of music. It’s not like some guy actually wants to each release in the works so keep your eye out for that fun but in metal you just end up chugging your child. Another famous one is a song by and make sure you check out the Recommenda- along on the same riff. Why do you think metal music is called Bloodbath called ‘Eaten’ which is a guy who tions. Yeah, that’s right there’s two this week, suck metal anyway? wants someone to fi nd someone to eat him. on that bitches! And noodle a bit. I don’t know... it’s really stupid but I always It’s based on a true story about a German guy Yeah, the stereotypical solos as well… thought it was because rock was called rock. who posted an ad in a newspaper a couple Writer’s Recommendation But then I thought, well why call it rock? years ago. That just shows that a lot of these I bumped into an old friend earlier, whose things are not that far beyond the realm of 1. For the fans of heavier stuff check out the song quite the metalhead and he was telling me Rock & roll... what happens in the world. ‘You Think You’re (John Fucking Lennon)’. about a bit of controversy surrounding the Maybe it’s because metal is heavier than 2. For something a bit more reasonable, check out upcoming Download festival. Apparently rock? I guess love and death are the central themes the song ‘All Good Junkies Go To Heaven’ (check Chase & Status are playing straight after in our lives. out the amazing rehearsal version on YouTube). Machine Head. How does the rock roll? Like the pelvis of Love sells more though. 28 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Stephen Smith MUSIC [email protected]

...Continued from Page 28 The anguish. “I need a beer. Leave me alone.” When I learned to sight-read I just ended up [dramatic silence for 10 minutes while you get memorising the songs and pretending to read served] long. So, I’m taking that as a no. Jordan: That sounds familiar. Matt: Pretty much.

I do envy those people though. You can think Do you guys know Sun Ra? about music in a completely different way. You Jordan: Yeah! Did you go see them at Oto? can see real patterns on the pages and if you’re trying to write rather than improvise you can play Not the last time but I caught them during their with those forms. 3-day residency which prolonged to 5 because the So what have you been playing lately? Icelandic volcano left them stuck in London. Jermyn: We play a lot of Herbie Hancock cov- Anyway, for those of you who don’t know him, ers. he was this free jazz guy in the 60s who took too Matt: It seems to be our preferred thing right now. many drugs. He had this sort of cosmic jazz take Eugene: Not so much jazz any more. More funk, on things and he believed he was from another but it’s a good thing. planet. Matt: Yeah, we’re playing an Average White Jordan: Yeah, he actually started playing bebop Band song. kind of stuff and somehow went…

Any traditional standards? Backstage. Faris: Yeah. He thought jazz was channelling the spirit of the universe or something and I can see what he I wouldn’t call Herbie Hancock traditional jazz meant. Jazz is some of the most exploratory mu- though… sic there is and much more free than classical. Jordan: Traditional jazz-funk! Well we started Matt: Classical is much more composed. There’s Spank Alley at Tuesday’s Jazz & Rock jam night playing some more traditional stuff… almost no room for free interpretation. Eugene: Miles Davis as well. Faris: Having said that, there’s a lot of baroque Faris: ‘Spain’, ‘Caravan’… anyway. part of it. He does a thing called Doing Something music which has a lot of improvisational harpsi- With Jazz. chord passages and variations. No Kind of Blue? Do you try to work your own thing around the Matt: ‘So What’! old classics? The ‘Queen of Motown’ Martha Reeves and the I always thought that when a composer is work- Matt: One of the songs we’re playing, ‘Water- Vandellas sold out 4 nights in a row there. ing on his magnum opus , there must be a lot Don’t you need an upright for that? melon Man’, has turned out to be a different tune Jordan: Yeah, it’s a classy sort of vibe. Or it tries of theory behind it but there was probably some Jordan: I’ve got one actually. altogether. to be. spontaneous moment which sparked it. That’s what strange about classical music. It seems so Dude! Get it out! Do you ever play any songs in strange tunings? Not like Spank Alley I suppose! restrained though, it almost seems to lose the hu- Jordan: Stick a Big Muff on it haha Eugene: It’s all been standard so far hasn’t it? So other than the London Jazz Festival which is man element. That’s what jazz manages to save. Matt: Of course our real aim is to become a 70s Faris: ‘Actual Proof’ is hardly standard. consistently ridiculously amazing, how do you Matt: you can say what you like about classical disco band. Eugene: Ohhh I remembered practicing that over fi nd the jazz scene in London? music but you have to admit it’s stood the test of Jordan: I’m trying to grow an afro right now. and over and over and over… Matt: There’s the Jazz Café up in Camden. time. Eugene: There’s a nice joint in Fulham… Don’t count on it. So have you played the whole of the Headhunt- Some people might beg to differ on that. Jordan: Why not? What do you mean? er’s record or what? Club 606! I remember going there in 1st year, Jordan: Some of the modern classical music is re- Jordan: Nearly! because it was just a few streets away from Ori- ally just modern music which is scored for a full Well… 3rd year PhD. Anyway... Matt: It’s so tempting to just stick with Herbie ent House where I was. It’s in the middle of this orchestra and it just seems to come off as forced. So how big’s your repertoire? Hancock! industrial estate. You just have to fi nd this black Some of the purposefully dissonant stuff really Faris: We’ve got about 20 songs or so… metal door and walk down these dingy stairs… tries to say something but a lot of it just fails. Matt: We’ve only been playing together since Have you guys seen him live? Jermyn: Yeah, it’s underground right? November. I came to Imperial the month before. Jordan: I have. He’s like 74 now. He still jams So fi nally, how did your colourful name come These guys played before in various incarnations pretty hard. I saw Roy Haynes recently, who was Once you get downstairs it’s really chill though. about? though. We try to play at least a couple of hours rather instrumental in the 50s bebop scene. He’s There’s a really strong free jazz scene, particular- Matt: ‘Spank-A-Lee’ is a song by Herbie Han- a week. 86 now and he still plays amazingly well. It’s ri- ly around Dalston. Are any of you guys into that? cock. Eugene: This is our fi rst proper gig actually, other diculous. Jordan: I quite like some of that. than the jam nights. Jermyn: We saw McCoy Tyner recently. He was Eugene: That’s what we call our solos if they Is there no other motivation behind it? John Coltrane’s pianist don’t work out! “That was freeform!” Jordan: It is funk after all so there has to be a bit Is that because you’re playing only standards at Matt: It’s good because you can never be wrong. of spank. the moment? Have you guys been to Ronnie Scott’s? Jermyn: Just walk off the stage to get a beer and Eugene: What better place to get down and dirty Jermyn: In jazz it’s more about the improvisation Matt: Yeah. My cousin actually DJs for the club call it ‘expression’. than an alley? Given to the Wild

Lily Le Coming from one of their biggest fans who not solely act as a support for his voice. are becoming. has been following them since before they had The overall vibe is one of maturity. Not only However, albums will never be judged alone, The third album from The Maccabees has been even released a single record, the answer is sim- in comparison to their infantile earlier releases and the fact is The Maccabees are not under- released after much anticipation and to critical ply no. and the fact that it will not be just 15 year olds rated and have not produced anything to label acclaim. Sorry, “much” anticipation? Critically Judging the LP alone, it is spectacular. Dark listening, but lyrically explores the idea of be- them as such. It is a beautiful album and will no acclaimed by who now? yet warm, sweet without being sickly, it has a ing Given to the Wild, having to grow up, and doubt be one of my favourites of 2012, but as I Things are expected to change for the Mac- huge sound while maintaining an intimate, per- the temporary nature of the life we grow up for. fan I hope that it is not the album which defi nes cabees. Their new single has had airplay on sonal feel. Orlando Weeks sings with such ten- The amazing thing is that it matches style of the Maccabees, because they are a great band national daytime radio and the new album has derness that his voice sometimes cannot be dis- their music, so much so that when you listen with the potential to do so much more. Plus, had plenty of press coverage; but when it comes tinguished from the music. This is no bad thing: you feel that unnerving feeling: the one where the fi nale of fi nal song ‘Grew up at Midnight’ down to it, is the music strong enough to turn it demonstrates the ability of the band to ensure you realise that you are maturing every second sounds exactly like that of ‘Sea Within a Sea’ The Maccabees into the new Coldplay or Muse? that their instruments have signifi cance and do of every day, and you fi nally realise who you by The Horrors. Calling all illustrators and photographers!

This is the last time we’ll run this kind of advert. Promise.

Maybe you could make a new one for us or something... FELIX The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 Visit felixonline.co.uk Email [email protected] Follow @feliximperial on Twitter Search Felix on Facebook 30 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Television Editors: George Barnett James Simpson TELEVISION [email protected] What the editors thought “Dulce Et Decorum Est Birdsong Pro Patria Mori” We had high hopes for this. We really did. The BBC are good at this sort of thing – period drama, “How sweet and fi tting it is to die for one’s country” romance, and some confl ict thrown in for good measure. We can’t argue with the quality of the cinematography because it was – as is usually the BBC case with this sort of programme on the BBC – su- perb. The mood created is described perfectly by Marie-Laure Hicks in her review of the show. There was a certain synergy between Poésy and Redmayne that was believeable and quite endear- ing. However, the show is not without fault, the main issue we had with the fi rst episode was how long it took for things to get going (we’re talking geo- logical timescales here); certain levels of tanacity were required to continue watching after enduring the fi rst half. Things did start to pick up though, particularly towards the end where the times be- tween scenes at war and those set in the summer which Stephen spent with Isabelle decreased. It certainly added a heightened sense of drama to the occasion. Talking of heigtnened senses; whilst adding a little interest to the episode, the sex scene was a tad ridiculous, Isabelle and Stephen had only just kissed before he went down on her. Maybe that’s just how he rolls... Besides, we’ll let them off as Clémence Poésy alone makes for good viewing. Overall we thought Birdsong was alright. Perhaps best described as somewhat fl accid. It just sort of happened; it wasn’t great but it certainly wasn’t terrible either. Maybe its downfall was the timing – had it not started a week after the brilliant Sher- lock ended then perhaps we would have viewed it in higher esteem. I’m rather ravishing, don’t you think? Will we watch the next episode? Probably. There were aspects we liked enough to merit giving it another opportunity to impress us. We’ll let you know next week. Marie-Laure Hicks The contrast with the trenches is astounding. tions of those who lived it. The realities of the The war is dark, muddy, loud. The country is war are there. The wounded and the dead are Following Sherlock and Great Expecta- distorted. Everywhere, destruction and death omnipresent. The audience is taken into the tions, another one of Britain’s favourite nov- are present. The trenches rob the men of their muddy trenches, the tunnels. It encounters the els, Birdsong has been adapted for the small humanity, their life and leave them empty. It dangers and risks, the constant bombing and screen by the BBC. The fi rst part was broad- feels like a Sassoon or Rosenberg poem has guns fi ring. This place is impersonal, madden- cast last Sunday. The book, written by Sebas- been brought to life. Stephen Wraysford is un- ing, so far away from the innocence and bliss tian Faulks, is considered a modern retelling recognisable. The sheer scale of the Great War of peaceful times. of the Great War. Set in pre-war Amiens and is awe-inspiring, especially in the army hos- Written by Abi Morgan (Brick Lane, The the Somme trenches, it chronicles parts of the pital where corpses are aligned and the ampu- Iron Lady, Shame), the main discrepancy with life of Stephen Wraysford and his affair with tees are taken care of. Our hero is right in the the book is that sections including Wraysford’s Isabelle Azaire. middle of it, as a lieutenant. The only escape granddaughter in 1970s Britain have been cut The BBC adaptation opens in the trenches he has left from the daily violence and danger, in order to concentrate on the love affair and with Wraysford, portrayed by Eddie Red- from insanity, is his memories from that sum- the historic events surrounding it. The show mayne, and moves back and forth between the mer six years ago, and Isabelle. also provides a look into the world of tun- war and 1910 as the Englishman recalls his nellers, a less well-known aspect of this war. summer in Northern France. The young man At the time of the story, there would have been was then staying with the Azaires, a wealthy “The light and brightness twenty-fi ve thousand men creating a network family. He is young, still discovering the joys of tunnels spanning hundreds of miles. and beauties of life. Isabelle Azaire (Clémence render a poetic, deam- In the words of Edward Thomas, “Can you Poésy) is locked in a loveless marriage to an like ambiance, ideal for remember?” As fewer and fewer survivors re- older man. Together, they discover the passion main, the Great War should not be forgotten. of love. a love story” Not only in memory of those who died fi ght- The drama is defi ned by atmospheres, ing, but also the horror and destruction. The glances, not words. A look, a touch is all that drama provides a chance to retell and docu- is needed to convey such thoughts and feel- Redmayne and Poésy are splendid. The ment this period. It brings it to life and reminds ings. Better than a million words. The pre-war chemistry between them and their talent car- the audience of the dreadful nature of war. setting is almost idyllic. Calm, beautiful, full ry the drama and give it depth and emotion. This story of violence, love, friendship, death of life and nature, it is comparable to being There isn’t much dialogue, but every look and life is quite simply a journey through time, We also enjoyed former Television Editor Matt plunged into a Debussy piece or an Impres- says something. This adaptation may have places and people; a great experience. Allinson’s brief appearance. Although it was sionist painting. The light and brightness ren- taken decades to achieve, the result is stun- probably just us that saw him der a poetic, dream-like ambiance, ideal for a ning. The depiction of the war is a fantastic Catch the second part of Birdsong on Sun- love story. reproduction, in my opinion, fair to descrip- day at 9pm on BBC1 Bonkers

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For more details go to: imperialcollegeunion.org/metric 32 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] 2012 Oscar Nominations Mysterious, magnetic, monstrous, maddening

Best Motion Picture of the Year The Artist The Descendants Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close The Help Hugo Midnight in Paris Moneyball The Tree of Life War Horse Don’t worry, it’s not bad being an Olsen – just be glad you’re not one of those Kardashians or Hiltons. You’ve actually got talent

Best Actor in a Leading Role Demián Bahir – A Better Life Martha Marcy May Marlene husband Ted (Hugh Dancy), she thinks it is so- her part as someone clearly in the position to George Clooney – The Descendants cially acceptable to climb into bed with them. take charge, trying to see her younger sibling Jean Dujardin – The Artist Director Sean Durkin Ted, who was initially more than happy to improve, whereas Martha is far too mentally Gary Oldman – Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Screenwriter Sean Durkin see the return of his sister-in-law, is no longer isolated to be able to accept any kind of ama- Brad Pitt – Moneyball Cast Elizabeth Olsen, John Hawkes, Sarah Paulson, Hugh Dancy pleased to have her around, and wants her out teurish help. of his house. Patrick, the cult leader, is a piece of work, Best Actress in a Leading Role John Park Beautifully edited between the past and mastered so brilliantly by the frightening Glenn Close – Albert Nobbs present, we are shown the kind of life Martha Hawkes. He is a master manipulator, fi rst wel- Viola Davis – The Help With a title that is as confusing as this one, was living before she found the courage to run coming his new recruits with a smile. Things Rooney Mara – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo it would be a safe bet to assume that Martha away. It seems harmless at fi rst, as the leader take a dark turn as he expects the women to Meryl Streep – The Iron Lady Marcy May Marlene is a fi lm that attempts of the camp, the charismatic Patrick (John sleep with him: they are fooled into thinking Michelle Williams – My Week with Marilyn to mess with your head. We see a young girl Hawkes) seems like a perfectly ordinary guy. that this is the right thing to do, whilst in fact (Elizabeth Olsen) fl eeing from a housing com- But as he asks his crew to shoot live kittens they do not actually have a say in the matter. Best Actor in a Supporting Role pound in the harmless-looking countryside. point-blank, exploits members to take part Hawkes is such an effective villain, so charm- Kenneth Branagh – My Week with Marilyn A boy running after her calls her Marcy May. in many group sexual acts, and readily gives ing in the beginning to almost woo the young, Jonah Hill – Moneyball Not much confusion there. Things get more permission for murder, alarm bells start ring- clueless Martha, and yet turning into a ruth- Nick Nolte – Warrior complicated when Marcy May’s older sister ing for Martha, which prompts her to turn her less leader within a matter of seconds, whilst Christopher Plummer – Beginners Lucy (Sarah Paulson) calls her Martha. An- back on the strange cult. But it’s the paranoia keeping his appeal intact. It’s a superb perfor- Max von Sydow – Extremely Loud and Incredibly other fl ashback sees the female protagonist that keeps the poor heroine from having a nor- mance in a crucial role, and we understand Close being called Marlene. The audience is further mal life: afraid that she has not fully escaped, why Martha fears the man so greatly, and it confused and intrigued for sure. Thus starts and with dreams and constant reminders that seems almost too possible for this smart guy Best Actress in a Supporting Role the haunting story of Martha (this appears to create an unbearable environment for Martha to catch up on Martha’s whereabouts. Bérénice Bejo – The Artist be her real name), a young, innocent girl who to live in, no matter where she goes or who So concerned with the fi lm’s atmosphere Jessica Chastain – The Help makes the mistake of running away from her she turns to. relating to the heroine’s never-ending crisis Melissa McCarthy – Bridesmaids home and joining a violent cult. Olsen, the less famous younger sister of the with the nightmare that terrorises her every Janet McTeer – Albert Nobbs The circumstances behind why she ran Olsen twins, puts on an astonishing debut day, it seems as though the director forgot to Octavia Spencer – The Help away from home in the fi rst place are never performance as the damaged young girl, al- give this a proper, satisfying ending. It ends clear, and it’s never important enough for us ways so weak and vulnerable, petrifi ed at the much too suddenly, so abruptly in fact that Best Achievement in Directing to care. It’s what follows after her eventual prospect of what might happen to her if she is this doesn’t even feel like an artistic fl ourish Woody Allen – Midnight in Paris escape that grips us from start to fi nish. Hav- not careful. She is distant and withdrawn, and – looking more like a tacky wannabe trying Michel Hazanavicius – The Artist ing been trapped in her strict, psychosexual clearly shows the obvious effects of a trauma- to mask the fact that this could not come up Terrence Malick – The Tree of Life cult for around two years, the normal outside tised individual with natural restraint. There with something sensible given all the excellent Alexander Payne – The Descendants world is a diffi cult one to fi t back into. It’s the isn’t a hint of awkward or forced emotion here psychologically ambiguous build-up. The rest Martin Scorsese – Hugo little things that add up to Martha being por- with Olsen, and this is no doubt the breakout is fantastic – we are given just enough infor- trayed as a complete lunatic. When she goes performance of the year. The developing dy- mation on both the past and present to do our Best Foreign Language Film for a swim, she does so completely naked, namic between Martha and her older sister is on guess-work on just how far Martha’s head Bullhead (Belgium) something that is not tolerated in the normal an interesting one: on the one hand we have a is messing with her. It’s a very silent fi lm, but Footnote (Israel) world. When her sister is having sex with her concerned, more mature sister wishing to do not at all a calm or peaceful one. In Darkness (Poland) Monsieur Lazhar (Canada) A Separation (Iran) Upsetting omissions from this year’s Academy Awards (and no, we’re not talking about Harry Potter) Best Animated Film A Cat in Paris Michael Fassbender (Shame) - Best Actor in a Leading Role – “What, women can get naked for some Oscar love but men can’t?” Chico & Rita Leonardo DiCaprio (J. Edgar) - Best Actor in a Leading Role – “Sadly, DiCaprio’s Oscar-less curse continues, even with a heavy biopic” Kung Fu Panda 2 Tilda Swinton (We Need to Talk About Kevin) - Best Actress in a Leading Role – “Goes to show AMPAS members didn’t feel the need” Puss in Boots Albert Brooks (Drive) - Best Actor in a Supporting Role – “A whole load of critics’ group wins (New York, Chicago, etc) will have to do” Rango Seth Rogen (50/50) - Best Actor in a Supporting Role – “Jonah Hill shockingly managed to squeeze in, but the superior Rogen didn’t” Carey Mulligan (Shame) - Best Actress in a Supporting Role – “She bared all, and yet, no nomination. Absolute scandal” FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 33 FILM Top 10 Box Clooney is a family man Offi ce fi lms in the UK this week

1) War Horse – 12A – Jeremy Irvine, Emily Wat- son, Tom Hiddleston

2) Haywire – 15 – Gina Carano, Michael Fass- bender, Ewan McGregor, Time to drive away from all those damn photographers – and the crazy women who would do anything to get a piece of Clooney Channing Tatum

The Descendants what is happening with her mother. Be- sure, as well as that diffi cult concept of The real surprise, however, comes 3) Underworld: Awak- ing young and full of imaginations, she life and death, with forgiveness and re- in the form of the two young actresses ening - 18 - Kate Beck- Director Alexander Payne does do and say some outrageous things, demption attached. who, even with very little screen expe- insale, Theo James, Mi- Screenwriters Alexander Payne, something Matt (Clooney) doesn’t quite Carrying the entire fi lm on his shoul- rience, absolutely nail their supporting chael Ealy Nat Faxon, Jim Rash know how to handle. ders is the invaluable Clooney, who roles. Their chemistry with Clooney is Cast George Clooney, Shailene The plot thickens however, as Matt makes the task look so easy. It may not more than just convincing, as the three Woodley, Amara Miller discovers his wife’s infi delity. This be a particularly dramatic or showy of them settle so well into portraying a 4) Sherlock Holmes: A John Park comes as a complete shock to him, even role, but playing the complexities of dysfunctional family. The news of their Game of Shadows - 12A more so when the news is broken to him an ordinary husband and father faced mother hits them both hard, and Wood- - Robert Downey Jr., Jude Clooney is an actor who seems to push by Alex. He’s devastated for sure, but with unimaginable challenges, Clooney ley never overplays the rebellious side Law, Noomi Rapace the boundaries as he ages. Although how can you be angry towards a coma- is a force to be reckoned with. He has of her character, and it is impressive to known for playing slick and suave char- tose woman? The simple answer is, he the confi dence and likable qualities to see a complex role written for a teenager acters, here he is in The Descendants, a can’t, and like any man on earth, he tries create a charismatic and unique central handled so well by the young actress. 5) The Iron Lady – 12A – warm and modest family drama in which to track down “the other man,” but per- hero. His interaction with his daughters She has bitter feelings towards every- Meryl Streep, Jim Broad- the confi rmed bachelor of Hollywood haps not for the same reason most men is a heart-warming one, as he develops one given her situation, but is grown- bent plays a dedicated father of two, living in would. stronger bonds with his girls. up enough to understand that during Hawaii. The twist is that his wife ends Even in the midst of quite a serious Just because his wife is in a coma, the more serious moments in her life, up in a coma after a water-skiing acci- turn of events, Payne makes sure to doesn’t mean the world stops. Life goes she needs to step up. Payne also uses 6) The Sitter – 15 – Jo- dent. He even admits that he’s been the inject some off-beat humour to keep on, and Matt has not only his daugh- Miller’s Scottie well, placing someone nah Hill, Sam Rockwell back-up parent in their marriage. But it a healthy tone and pace. It never turns ters to worry about, but also his work. young in a position of having to deal appears the responsibility is suddenly on into a serious tragedy, nor does it veer He’s a lawyer, taking care of his large with her mother’s impending death. him now. Not that he minds, of course; towards hysterical comedy. There is cer- family’s enormous estate fortune, and Set in Hawaii, the audience is very 7) Mission: Impossible he just doesn’t have a clue on how to go tainly no room for any slap-stick com- an important legal decision needs to be often treated to some remarkable sights – Ghost Protocol – 12A about this. edy. The fi lm speaks from the heart, and made – the family wants the land sold of the beautiful island, which is a bonus, – Tom Cruise, Jeremy His elder daughter Alex(andra) the laughs are an added bonus. Payne before a certain deadline, so they can really, to the gentle, almost therapeutic Renner, Simon Pegg (Shailene Woodley), the rebellious has had successes in the past with fi lms be millions of dollars richer. But Matt’s view of family life painted by the always teen who drinks and experiments with such as Sideways and About Schmidt, not quite sure, and the pressure from consistent Payne. If you don’t like his drugs, is far from pleased that her loser about ordinary men going through un- his family starts to build up. Everyone patient style, The Descendants is not a 8) The Artist – PG – Jean of a dad is now her full-time guardian. usual events, and “The Descendants” dresses in colourful shirts, shorts and fi lm that will change your views on this Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, The younger daughter, Scottie (Amara does not stray far from what he is used fl ip-fl ops; but this doesn’t mean they’re unique director, but for those who have John Goodman, James Miller) is a cheerful little fi recracker, but to, but has original themes of its own. light-hearted when it comes to doing been following his work, this is another not so little that she does not understand It has a stronger focus on family for business. rare treat that you cannot afford to miss. Cromwell

9) Alvin and the Chip- munks: Chipwrecked – U – Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse Mc- We need things to put on our page other Cartney than pictures of Colin Firth. Send your 10) Puss in Boots – U – Antonio Banderas, Salma articles to fi l m . f e l i x @ i m p e r i a l . a c . u k Hayek, Zach Galifi anakis 34 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Before the world ends, check these out Hitesh Shewakramani compiles a list of movies to watch out for this year. Featuring a lineup including super- heroes, James Bond, sparkly vampires, hobbits and other mythical creatures

The Dark Knight Rises: July 20 Breaking Dawn: Part 2: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: The Dictator: May 18 Men in Black III: May 18 November 16 December 14 Christopher Nolan is back with the third 2011 saw the deaths of many dictators: After a 10-year break since the last fi lm fi lm in the series with Christian Bale re- Many reasons to rejoice about this one. From the creators of The Lord Of The ranging from Gaddafi of Syria, Kim in the series, we have the third entry, prising his lead role. After the massive Twihards will be getting their closure, Rings Trilogy, we have the long-awaited Jong-Il of North Korea to Osama Bin MIB III. This one has time travelling success of The Dark Knight, we expect whereas critics who can’t stand Edward prequel. The Hobbit (novel) portrays the Laden. But Sacha Baron Cohen is more involved with creepy aliens and loads nothing less than awesomeness from this and Bella will no longer have to watch adventures of Bilbo Baggins, before the than confi dent that he will out-do all of of action. Will Smith and Tommy Lee one. New evil rises (Tom Hardy’s Bane) another Twilight fi lm after this one. Al- happenings of the LOTR series. Given these men. Expect to be utterly outraged Jones slip comfortably back into their and Anne Hathaway appears as Se- though there are rumours circulating that the fact that the series turned out to be and offended as the man responsible for roles, and there will be new faces too: lina Kyle (a.k.a. Catwoman); defi nitely Summit, the franchise’s production com- one of the best trilogies the world has Borat and Bruno will no doubt say and Emma Thompson, Josh Brolin but most something to look forward to. pany, don’t want to stop at number fi ve. ever seen, high expectations ride on this. do some unthinkable things. worryingly, PCD’s Nicole Scherzinger.

Skyfall: October 26 The Avengers: April 27 The Bourne Legacy: August 17 Django Unchained: December 26 Brave: August 17

Bond, James Bond, is back. MI6 is un- Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Black Widow, Based on the Bourne series, and Robert “A slave-turned-bounty hunter sets out Any Pixar fi lm is well worth the wait, der attack and Bond must eliminate the Hawkeye, and Captain America team Ludlum’s novel of the same name, The to rescue his wife from a brutal planta- and their latest is setting out to be an threat. Be prepared to be shaken and up in an organization formed to save the Bourne Legacy brings us a new CIA op- tion owner.” The hype surrounding ths is exciting new adventure fi lm with a stirred. Under the direction of Academy world. It’s an ambitious fi lm with a 220 erative and his experiences. Matt Damon solely due to its director and ensemble strong, quick-witted female protagonist. Award winning Sam Mendes (American million dollar budget. Will it manage to is no longer with us on the franchise, but cast. Quentin Tarantino, (Inglorious Bas- As the beautifully animated poster may Beauty), Craig will no doubt be a com- blow our minds all the while keeping a Jeremy Renner is just as talented and tards, Pulp Fiction) is behind this fi lm suggest, the computer graphics will be petently moody British secret agent we sane storyline or will it turn out to be a can make a likable hero, as evidenced by and he has teamed up with DiCaprio, Ja- eye-poppingly surreal, the action scenes have all come to adore, and Javier Bar- convoluted scrambled egg of superhe- his outstanding turn in The Hurt Locker. mie Foxx, and Samuel L. Jackson. Great exhilarating, and the script sharp, full of dem’s stint as the villain will be epic. roes? Only time will tell. Joan Allen returns as Pamela Landy. director + great cast = great movie? humour aimed for both kids and adults. Silence is golden... so... shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The Artist The Artist is shot in the same speechless, py when he’s photographed with an un- director-star, bombs on the same day that elty has worn off, but The Artist manages black-and-white style as the old movies known woman, leading to an appearance Peppy’s debut is hailed as a resounding to keep the viewers interested through- Director Michel Hazanavicius in which the hero, actor George Valentin on the cover of a magazine. The woman success. Will Valentin move into the out, mostly due to its lead actor, Dujar- Screenwriter Michel Hazanavicius (Dujardin), stars in so brilliantly, occa- is actually the young and very beauti- ‘sound age’ – or will he be forgotten for- din. Best of all, The Artist never feels like Cast Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo sionally breaking out into the odd tap- ful Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), who ever as one of the silent era? a parody – it’s nostalgically corny, fun, Lucy Wiles dancing routine to please his adoring is then spotted as an extra on George’s This is a very clever fi lm, especially for good-looking and respectful. Because of audience. next fi lm. an audience who has little or no experi- the silence, you wouldn’t know it’s re- The French dream team of director/pro- The fi lm is set in 1927, Valentin is a As Peppy and George begin to fall in ence with soundless fi lms. Hazanavicius ally a French fi lm – especially with John ducer Michel Hazanavicius and actor star, but audio fi lming is incoming and love with each other, the ‘sound age’ of manages the silent cinema beautifully. Goodman playing a big-shot producer – Jean Dujardin are famous in France for threatening to rout him out. Valentin, a Hollywood begins and Valentin loses his The fi lm draws you in, moving seam- although Hazanavicius gives us a quick their James Bond spoofs, the OSS 117 smug glory-lover who laps up the ado- job, to be promptly replaced by Peppy lessly between funny and sad and turning reminder of the fi lm’s provenance in its fi lms. Now they venture into the States, ration at a premiere, ignores his co-stars as the darling of the fi lm world. George the dawn of the sound age into a personal fi nal scene, reminding us that so many to 1920s California for a wonderful – and steals the stage with his reliable and loses everything: his house, wife and ser- tragedy for Valentin. of the best silent Hollywood fi lms were and silent – recreation of Hollywood loyal performing dog, has a shaky do- vant – and to make matters worse, Tears Feature-length remakes of past genres made by Europeans who crossed the before sound movies really kicked in. mestic life, and his wife is far from hap- of Love, his fi rst picture as a producer- can often be dull and tired after the nov- pond.

36 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Games Editor: Laurence Pope

GAMES [email protected] Free Web Games Budgeting for real science I hope you folks are playing these games; people down at the Felix office are staring to compain Cave Johnson here folks. Stop procrastinating and put about the massive amounts of time I spend doing my ‘research’... So here we are, two totally awe- some web games that you can play right now in yourself forward for testing. You won’t regret it. Probably your web browser. In order to enjoy these you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in, which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/ ello Felix readers, Cave John- flashplayer/ son here. Since last week’s article, we have had an amazing number Pixel Purge of questions sent in — one. In Hall honesty, I was expecting no-one would read http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/ the piece, let alone send in a question. I think I’m beginning to like you, test subjects. view/547623 “If you had complete control over Imperial’s budget, what would you change and why?”

Keith asks, “If you had complete control over Imperial’s budget, what would you change and why?” Firstly, I’m not sure what the rate is be- tween your funny British money and the dol- lar, but I’m guessing that your college’s budget Oopssss... Lookssss like sssssomeone dropped the ssssoap... An old favourite of mine. Pixel Purge is one of those is large enough to settle most of the civil suits games that’s devilishly difficult to screenshot – a currently against us, and then there may even second away from the controls and you’re being as- be enough left over to start paying the boys in For far too long, scientists have been restricted certifi ed surgeon. And mortician. If you’ve got saulted from all sides. the lab. To be honest, they weren’t too happy by funding and being told what they can and no bones, and it’s not due to a previous test- You man a spaceship, fighting a pixel army of when they started being paid in ‘Cave Dol- can’t research. I didn’t get to where I am today ing opportunity at Aperture Science involving varied invadors. When they explode you grab their lars’, Aperture’s latest internal currency, after by avoiding science that people said wouldn’t our repulsion gels, then good news — we have pixelated remains to earn points and upgrade your IOUs and the ill-fated spreading of our A.S.S. work. Science is about taking rules, bending many new testing opportunities waiting for vessel with bigger, badder weapons and improved (Aperture Science Stock) options between em- them over your knee and beating them till they you! However, I’m afraid that if you’re not a health regeneration. The onslaught starts off slow- ployees. learn to stop interrupting your progress. Mon- giraffe we can’t let you into that last test. Half- ly, put very quickly new enemies filter in, making On the upside, the bean counters and the ey just gives you a bigger cane. giraffes are welcome to apply though. survival a challenging task. Make sure you spend guys over in Legal said it was completely fi ne Back to the topic in hand, I would also look those upgrade points wisely! to print our own money, as long as we prom- to cull the weakest of the Union’s clubs, to ised to actually pay them back with ‘real mon- “Science is about taking reduce the expenditure of the college, and to ey’ at some point. With the current lab reten- ensure that only the strongest of the societies Q – compressing the heart tion rate there’s not even a need for a pension rules, bending them over survive. I propose a new series of tests at Ap- plan, so they’re essentially working for free. your knee and beating erture whereby we are able to pit clubs and so- http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/ Some people have likened Aperture to a dic- cieties against each other, to see how resilient tatorship but I prefer to think of the lab boys them till they learn to you are. There would be a range of tests, from view/588674 as ‘volunteers for Science’, and I’m Science. assault courses and sporting activities (such as With a capital S. They’re free to leave at any stop interrupting your dodging some fast moving bottomless pits) to time. If they can make it out. puzzle solving and staring competitions. The Considering that I get paid for every word progress” victorious societies get to continue existing, that I type for Felix, I’ll try to answer the above and they may even get a small trophy. We’ll question fully, and I won’t tip-toe around the see how that goes. Trophies are expensive, so subject. In this case, words aren’t cheap and There are many important aspects of science you might have to share. I’m typing my way to science. I defi nitely that still have vital, unanswered questions. Are Hope that answers your question Keith. As won’t be padding out sentences with useless left-handed people really evil? What happens previously, any correspondence (questions, re- and superfl uous words, just to get some quick when we try to replace your whole skeleton sumes or money) can be sent to felix.games@ bucks, nor will I spend a long length of time with metal? Magnets — how do they work? imperial.ac.uk with the title “Ask Cave”, and reminiscing about my days making shower Can we graft wheels onto amputees? How they’ll forward it on to Caroline. curtains. That reminds me of the time I made many giraffes does it take to build a super- Watch out for those shower curtains. CJ. a new waterproof shower curtain coating, collider? Finally, why is it that I can’t get the I’ll be honest here, I couldn’t make head nor tale of based off human skin. It didn’t sell too well — funding for research into portals, but Black this game, though as a surreal piece I don’t think something to do with mutated fl esh, and com- Mesa gets government money for some use- you’re meant to. Q – compressing the heart is a pletely unfounded rumours about people being less inter-dimensional testing? Dimensional Questions for Cave? point and click puzzler that draws heavy influence strangled by their curtains when they weren’t science is boring, expensive and far too safe from Limbo. The game does have its own miniature looking. As a side note, I would advise against for real scientists, like us. Do you have any questions for Mr style though and, whilst not being particularly long, using surviving test subjects of human-snake Coincidentally, if you want to take part in Johnson? If so, email them onto is a fun, if somewhat puzzling game to work your hybrid programmes, for tissue donations. I any of the above testing, please contact your [email protected] and I’ll way through. probably wouldn’t want to use the bodies of college’s testing associate. Just a few notes: if pass them onto him for answers. Large cash prizes to those offering Felix Games the failed test subjects either. you’re right handed, don’t worry — we’ll just Responses will be published in Felix. an explanation. Ignoring the mountains of debt and the on- remove your hands and swap them around. If So go do as the man says people. going lawsuits, I would still want to spend all you’re not an amputee, don’t worry about that Write in — for science. of the money on the progression of science. either — Aperture’s butcher is also a board- Charles Betts Unimpressed by mistakes in Felix? It’s never too late to copy edit

felix @imperial.ac.uk 38 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] My big fat Greek dish Food that loves you back Chicken gyros with pita and Exploring tibits, the Regent Street Veggie Paradise tzatziki Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Gyros is a dish of meat; usually pork or chicken which is served wrapped inside pita bread usually Finally, there’s a place in London where veg- with tomatoes, onions and tzatziki sauce. etarians can completely be themselves. As soon as you enter tibits a warm welcome from the staff, accompanied with a high-class at- mosphere and tempting smells coming from the buffet are enough to set up the scene of an exceptional breakfast, lunch or dinner. Once seated, you’re given a tab and help yourself at the buffet you may choose your fa- vourite from a wide selection of fresh salads and vegetables, tasty sauces, falafel, soya cot- tage pie, pasta and many more. Once you’ve fi nished, you visit the bar where your plate is weighed (bread rolls are on the house) at £2.00/100g for lunch and £2.20/100g And it’s healthy to boot, nice for dinner. You may visit the buffet as many times as you wish and enjoy over 40 delicious, healthy dishes. and Saturday till 12:00pm at £1.70/100g. also available. Ingredients At tibits, everything is crafted with careful- Also included are a wide range of cocktails Why not consider tibits for Valentine’s Day? lsourced, seasonal GM-free ingredients, with and fresh fruit juices, sandwiches and pastries. Gift vouchers are available at the bar in £10 For the gyro: the very best of Asian, Indian and Mediterra- So think twice before you choose fast food and £20 denominations, as well as a selection - 1kg of chicken (legs and breast) nean infl uences. We guarrantee that you will because you are in a hurry; if you are near of books, teas and special products such as - 6-8 cloves of garlic appreciate the quality and variety of the food Regent Street you can enjoy fresh, delicious, tibit’s famous Dried Beans. - Juice from 1-2 onions, chopped (required) boat. healthy and well-cooked food on the spot at - Freshly ground pepper There’s no queue and you need not call the tibits. You don’t even have to think what to or- www.tibits.co.uk - Oregano waiter or wait for your food to be cooked. der as you can have a try of everything and pay 14-18 Heddon Street, W1B 4DA - Mint xer Breakfast is also served everyday till 11:30am by just weighing your plate. Take aways are 020 77584110 - Cinnamon - Ground allspice - Sumac (optional) - Olive oil For the tzatziki: Kensington cooking class act - Strained yoghurt - Cucumbers - 2-3 gloves of garlic Yiango Mavroconstanti had the chance to try red kidney beans, black - some chopped onion eyed peas, cannellini beans and a lot more! - Parsley Whole Foods Market is well known for or- I can now cook beans perfectly thanks - Mint ganising great events for food lovers like me. to the advice of the lovely Sarah. Last week, I discovered that every Wednes- At the end of the session, they offered a goody Cut the chicken into very small slices. Pour the day in January they have free cooking ses- bag to everyone there, including mung beans, red olive oil and the juice from the onions. Mix well. sions. Without thinking it twice, I immedi- curry paste, coconut drink and several recipes. ately sent an email to book a place for the I recommend you go to the next class but Mix all the dry spices in a bowl and pour all to- January 18 class. Lucky me, I found two All that’s missing is Gregg Wallace book places soon to avoid disappointment. gether over the chicken. Cover and refrigerate for places, one for me and one for my friend. Classes are held every Wednesday 19:15 4-8 hours, stirring occasionally. Grill to a very high This Wednesday’s theme was “Beans and – 20:00 and they will continue in February heat for 15-20 minutes, stirring frequently until Legumes”, so I was very excited to see what and joined the class. Sarah, the healthy eating too, but with an extra cost of 5 pounds. And, golden brown all over. it was about. We went there half an hour ear- specialist of Whole Foods Kensington, was ex- please, if the staff tell you to go downstairs, lier so that we wouldn’t miss a minute, but plaining why it is important to soak the beans ignore them and go upstairs and you’ll fi nd it! For the tzatziki just mix all the ingredients together unfortunately we were pointed in the wrong before cooking and the different soaking times making sure you dry the cucumbers. Serve in pita direction. This resulted in losing about 10 for various kinds of beans. She gave very use- www.wholefoodsmarket.com/stores/ with tzatziki and fries. minutes of the class until fi nding an em- ful advice, for example if you add some oil kensington George Trigeorgis ployee who actually knew where it was. when they start to boil then they will not cre- 63-97 Kensington High Street, W8 5SE Nevertheless, we fi nally found the right place ate the foam they usually have. Also, everybody [email protected]

Send us your contribution at [email protected] and win free entrance for two for the Sabor Latin night on Friday 3 February. Prepare for an intimate, friendly and vibrant night at Firefly!

Learn more: www.danihke.com/sabor.html FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 39 Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski [email protected] BOOKS A tribute to a reclusive author... Joseph Spiking looks back on the life of JD Salinger

olden Caulfi eld, Salin- from the Valley Forge Military School. ger was drafted into the US army. ger’s most auto-bio- Salinger’s discontent with the aca- Salinger was part of the 4th Counter graphical literary cre- demic world was to be translated Intelligence Corps (C.I.C) detachment ation, once said, “What onto page in the short story called I’m that landed on Utah Beach, Normandy. really knocks me out Crazy, published in Collier’s Weekly Salinger was originally meant to be isH a book that, when you’re all done magazine on December 22, 1945. I’m part of the fi rst wave, at 6:30am; how- reading it, you wish the author was a Crazy centred on a disaffected youth, ever, an eyewitness report put him with terrifi c friend of yours and you could Holden Caulfi eld, who was going the second wave of attack. Whatever call him up on the phone whenever you to be expelled from the prestigious caused Salinger’s delay probably saved felt like it.” Salinger, a man known for Pencey Prep school for failing his his life – the fi rst wave encountered the his inaccessibility, was not going to exams. This was later developed into fi ercest German defence. Maybe it was give his phone number away to his de- a full novel, The Catcher in the Rye. this act of sheer fortune, of escaping voted readers. Instead, he gave them death due to coincidence that gave Sa- a greater gift – the gift of a conversa- linger’s works such a fascination with tion with himself through his novels. “...he gave them a fi nding reason in a random world. One Few authors in modern literature of Salinger’s best pieces of unpublished have based their novels inside the greater gift – the gift work, The Magic Foxhole, focused JD Salinger – a troubled genius lands of their own personal experience directly on Salinger’s experience of as much as Salinger. A brief review of a conversation Normandy. The Magic Foxhole opens of his life story, or the story that can with the haunting image of a chaplain .45 calibre pistol in his hands. Salinger er in the Rye. Salinger was believed be pieced together, is one that com- with himself through frantically searching for his glasses, was soon admitted into a psychiatric to be ill-prepared for the amount of plies with the contours of his work. which were hidden beneath the corpses ward, suffering from clinical depres- attention the novel would bring him, Jerome David Salinger was born in his novels.” of Normandy beach. You don’t have to sion. Little is known about this period and this turned an already traumatised, New York on January 1, 1919. He was be Freud to understand the signifi cance of time; however; soon after his re- private and cynical man into a recluse. born into a Jewish family, although he of this image – in Salinger’s post war lease he resumed writing short stories. Much has already been written about later discovered that he was only half This was not the fi rst short story world, God and Reason were things to A Perfect Day for Bananafi sh is Salinger’s reclusive nature, and I shall Jewish, his mother being Catholic. Sa- Salinger had published. In the au- be challenged and analysed, not accept- possibly the best insight we have into not add to it. However, it is interest- linger’s father, a successful food im- tumn of 1939, Salinger enrolled in ed. It is this confl ict with fi nding rea- Salinger’s post war mental state. The ing to note that the last interview Sa- porter, sent his underachieving son to a writing course that was taught by son in chaos that characterises the later story revolved around a conversation linger gave was to a couple of nearby a Manhattan private school. However, Whit Burnett, the founder and editor works of Salinger, from the death of between a young honeymooning war school children – who then sold the this was not to last long – Salinger of Story magazine. Burnett fi rst pub- Holden Caulfi eld’s younger brother in veteran and a child he meets on the contents of their interview to a news- dropped out within two years of en- lished The Young Folks, an acidic at- The Catcher in the Rye to the emotion- beach; the innocence of their conver- paper. One can only speculate as to the rolling. This was to be the template for tack on the superfi ciality of student al distress seen in Franny and Zooey. sation is juxtaposed with the horror damage this caused a man who placed the majority of Salinger’s educational life. Salinger’s success was to be short The effects of the war soon took their of the veteran’s own wartime experi- juvenile innocence on a pedestal. Sa- experiences, including two ill-fated lived, his upturn in fortunes coincid- toll on Salinger. The day the German ence. After their conversation, the vet- linger never gave another interview. semesters at New York University, ing with the attack on Pearl Harbor. army surrendered, May 8, 1945, Salin- eran returns home and ends his life. JD Salinger died on January 27, which he attended after graduating Four months after the attack, Salin- ger spent the evening alone, holding a Then Salinger completed The Catch- 2010. ...and his greatest masterpiece The Catcher in the Rye – the archetypical story of teenage disillusionment, confusion and rebellion

Christopher Reynolds Holden is a boy that most people who a constant theme of the book, as he that he sees as one of the children run- have experienced teenage years can re- gets in fi ghts with his roommates for ning through the rye, peacefully living J. D. Salinger’s only full length novel, late to: weak, forgetful, self-obsessed, little reason. Feeling no point in stay- out her halcyon prepubescent years in The Catcher in the Rye, has become unsure of his own attractiveness, and ing at the school, Holden walks out, the rye before plunging off the cliff into one of the 20th century’s defi ning and takes a train to his home of New the tribulations of the adult world that novels, dealing powerfully and intel- York City, where he rents a hotel he himself feels so acutely. Holden’s ac- ligently with the turbulent feelings of “Holden is a boy that room and tries to imitate an adult life. tions in the novel show him desperately loneliness, alienation, and sexual con- The book is centered around a meta- trying to fi nd a place for himself in life. fusion felt by so many during their most people who phor that Holden relates to the reader: By running away to New York and at- adolescence. The book is narrated by he day-dreams of standing in a fi eld of tempting to fi nd people he can relate to Holden Caulfi eld, a teenage boy con- have experienced rye growing on the edge of a cliff, wear- in some way, he is trying to imitate the valescing in a sunny Californian men- ing his red hunter’s hat. Young children, lives of the adults he sees around him, tal hospital, as he relates the circum- teenage years can too small to see over the rye, run blind- but experiences only disappointment stances that lead up to an unspecifi ed ly towards the edge, and Holden is the when he fi nds that he lacks the matu- mental breakdown he went through. relate to” only one who can catch them before rity to deal with the situations he puts His story begins on a winter evening they destroy themselves. It is with this himself in. As the book progresses, and at the prep school he attended in Penn- unforgettable, and justly famous, meta- Holden gradually reveals the past ex- sylvania. With the holidays approach- jealous of the achievements and sup- phor that Salinger refl ects Holden’s at- periences that have shaped the way he ing, Holden has learned he has been posed sexual conquests of his class- titude towards life: through Holden’s and “crumby”, believing that every- views the world, it becomes clear that expelled, and fi nds himself alone and mates. As the evening progresses, narration, couched in the slang of a one around him is putting on an act. Holden is the one who needs saving be- frustrated in his dormitory while his we witness the hostility Holden has forties teenager, he derides the people Only his little sister is exempt from fore he plunges off a cliff that he him- schoolmates attend a football match. for the world around him, and will be and places around him as “phonies” his criticism, and it is she in particular self is running towards, through the rye. 40 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Travel Editors: Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson TRAVEL [email protected] Positive social change for Honduras Re-live Ruby Ramjan’s experience of last year’s Global Brigades

eptember 1, 2011 was the community have no access to medical day that I became a Global care so, as a team, we brought medi- Brigader, and 11 am was cal care to them. Over three days, we the time that I looked out served 600 patients, promoted public onto the beautiful land- health strategies to the adults of the Sscape of an undiscovered country and community, taught the children how fell in love. I must admit that I joined to brush their teeth (and handed out Global Brigades because I thought it toothbrushes and toothpaste!), and dis- would be a fun summer trip and, un- tributed £10,000 worth of drugs that deniably, it was a fun summer trip! we, the Imperial brigade, took to Hon- However, upon landing in Honduras, duras. I swiftly realised that Global Brigades Nothing warms my heart more than would be so much more. a Honduran child. The afternoon we spent at the Nuevo Paraiso orphan- age, affi liated with Global Brigades, “To say that my ex- was one of my personal favourites. On walking through the gate, three perience was life- adorable little girls ran up to me, one clutched my skirt, while the other took changin, but it is an one hand each. We played skipping rope games and swung on the swings understatement” until we were red in the face. Commu- nicating in a mixture of broken Span- Global Brigaders have so much fun, working together to get the job done... ish and hand gestures, they introduced The defi nition of a brigade is “a me to their friends, their playground group of passionate volunteers who and their rooms. Another dimension that I felt in El Rapaco. made up the fl oor of their home was a tas, bonfi res, the warm and welcoming mobilise towards positive social was added to my passion for Global I never fully comprehended the parasite paradise. Hondurans, our USA friends, discover- change”. Honduran society is rife with Brigades when I learnt that some of meaning of the words “manual labour” A pila is a water storage tank. Previ- ing an undiscovered country: the list corruption, human rights abuse and a our Honduran brigade leaders had until we did the Public Health Bri- ously, the 80 year old man of the house never exhausts. Was it the gratitude despicably huge wealth gap. In other once been that child at the orphanage gade. The 11 Imperial students, along had to walk for hours to get his hands of the hundreds of patients we saw in words, the rich are getting richer and clinging onto the gates of their home, with some local community members on some clean water, then bring home the Honduran villages? Was it the con- the poor are getting poorer, neglected waving and blowing kisses as the vol- and masons, built a latrine, a stove, as much as he could carry on his long tentment that goes hand in hand with in parts of the country where malnutri- unteers would very reluctantly drive a concrete fl oor and a pila in one of journey back. “In just one week, stu- voluntary work? Was it the satisfaction tion, poor housing and infant diseases back to El Rapaco. the houses in the enchanting village dents and the people from Global Bri- of getting my hands dirty? Global Bri- are widespread. This is why in 2004 El Rapaco is a magical little condo of Zurzular. When I was fi rst told we gades have helped me give my family gades gave me a thirst for more volun- Global Brigades launched in Hondu- in the mountains and our Honduran were building a latrine (toilet), I as- essential things that I’ve never been tary work and reignited in me the call ras, as a source of hope for these for- home. Every evening we had siestas in sumed the last one was either not hy- able to provide by myself. It was not a of duty to humanity, a duty that I think gotten communities. the hammocks, fi estas under the tree, gienic enough or it was falling apart: gift. I mixed concrete with you, I dug we forget too easily. As volunteers, I On the fi rst day of our medical bri- dinner with Spanish music in the back- the concept of not having a latrine is so holes with you. We all sweated together felt we made a tangible impact to the gade, eleven Imperial student volun- ground, constant inter-mocking of ac- foreign to me that it never even crossed and much of my savings has gone into rural communities we served: I could teers, our brigade leaders, Flaco the cents between us and the Americans, my naive mind, but that was indeed the paying my share for these projects. But see the happiness in the faces of the driver, the doctors, the dentist, the and random bursts of Salsa. There are case for this elderly couple. The lady you were the resource that I’ve never Honduran people around us, I could pharmacists, and Chuck the policeman a thousand stories to tell, and while of the house told me that the old stove had but have always needed.” feel the satisfaction in their warmth all travelled to our designated commu- I could happily divulge every detail used to get so hot that her grandchil- To say that my experience was life- towards us and I was certain of their nity. We were warmly welcomed with of my Global Brigades experience, I dren have been burnt whilst playing in changing sounds like an exaggeration, appreciation when I noted their tears as rainbow-coloured balloons and a huge could never convey the feeling of com- the kitchen. We built a concrete fl oor but it is an understatement. The capti- we said goodbye to them for the last sign saying “Bienvenida!” Most of the plete peace and undisputed happiness because the plain earth that previously vating landscape, siestas, nightly fi es- time.

For more information on how you can get involved in a Global Brigades project over the coming Summer:

Visit Facebook: facebook.com/ICGMB Send an email: [email protected] Visit the website: globalbrigades.org

“Nothing warms my heart more than a Honduran child” FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 41 CLUBS & SOCIETIES Health, medicine, and Palestine Palestinian Society report on a talk by Gaza volunteer Dr. Mads Gilbert

Nabih Hanbali family was exiled in 1948 and forced Loay, a ten year old boy at the time, to leave their homes. Khalil lost his returned home to help his dad collect Imperial College Palestinian Society arm and mother in the same explosion, a few of their belongings after having had the privilege of hosting a talk by when Lebanon was under attack by the had to leave their home in Beit Lahia. Dr. Mads Gilbert last Friday. Dr. Gil- Zionist state in 1982. Khalil did not They were hit by a missile which killed bert, a renowned Norwegian doctor, give up and decided to help other Pales- his cousin. Loay survived but lost both volunteered in Gaza in 2009; at a time tinians get through their traumatic ex- of his eyes. Today, Loay lives with his when Gaza was under a dreadful inva- periences. Khalil suffered but remains family in a house where the kitchen, sion. determined to live. living room, bedroom are all the same The talk, entitled ‘The misuse of Dr. Gilbert has always believed that room. Though Loay suffered, he re- Health & Medicine in Palestine’, medicine and politics are inseparable, mains optimistic and is very supportive brought the Gaza massacre vividly and emphasised that it is the duty of of his younger siblings. Loay is deter- back to our memories. A minute of im- doctors to speak out against genocide. mined to live. ages under the sound of bombs and air These views have always been publicly The talk was very enlightening and attacks set the scene of fear and terror expressed by Dr. Gilbert, though his ra- thought provoking for all that attended. Palestinians lived through for three tionale was rarely heard. Doctors have There were far too many matters and weeks. Dr. Gilbert; through his impres- a duty to help people: it forms the core topics for me to discuss in this article, sive speaking talent, was able to make of their oath. The people of Gaza suf- so I will fi nish as Dr. Gilbert fi nished the audience glimpse what living in fered due to military attacks, invasions his talk – there is something we can Gaza was like at that point in its histo- and bombings. It was manmade guns all do to help, no matter how small our ry, and highlighted the determination and missiles that murdered the chil- contribution. And when there is occu- of the Palestinian people to survive and dren, women and men of Gaza. Thus it pation, there is resistance and deter- resist. was the duty of Dr. Gilbert, and indeed mination, and those who seek justice The story started with Kahlil, a Pal- all doctors, to shout out to the world to never fail. One day there will be a Free estinian refugee in Lebanon, whose stop the cause of this suffering. Palestine. Dr. Gilbert spoke on the relationship between medicine and politics

Bringing the rain to those in need Ladies’ Judo Raincatcher Imperial on the vast importance of water provision

Matthew Murchie poorest people in Tanzania spend 10% of their income just on buying water at It’s common knowledge that water is infl ated prices. essential for survival. Lesser known, Aside from the risk of water supplies perhaps, is the multitude of water-re- being unsafe to drink, the sheer time lated problems faced by people in areas taken to collect water from wells and without adequate water supplies such as ground water supplies, often located Tabora. many miles away from villages, leads to The few shallow wells, lakes and riv- many harmful long-term consequences. ers that provide the local population It’s not uncommon for women and with water are often contaminated with children to have to walk several hours viruses and bacteria that cause deadly every day to collect water from distant diseases such as diarrhoea and typhoid supplies. Walk in the day and endure Come to Ethos on Thursday fever. In developing countries such as the searing heat of the African sun; nights for beginners judo Tanzania, the second greatest child kill- walk at night and risk being attacked or sessions. Focussing on the er in rural areas is diarrhoea, causing sexually assaulted in the darkness. fi tness and fun aspect of the over one and half million deaths each The hours spent queuing up for water sport, the class normally year. and carrying it home is time that should costs £3.50 each or £25 for In many cases, families cannot afford be spent going to school. It’s time that ten, but vouchers for free supplies to sterilise their water, whether should be spent taking care of a family. lessons are available if you they be water purifi cation tablets, water It’s time that should be spent on work, attend! For ladies only. fi ltration systems, or stoves and fuel for earning money to support a home. boiling water. Just as often, they sim- Education is a vital step in breaking ply don’t understand the importance of the poverty cycle, contributing to the Easy access to water is of huge benefi t to developing countries sanitation and clean water. This is why population’s economic sustainability. one of the main aims of Raincatcher, Proper schooling is seen as one of the aside from building rainwater harvest- most effective methods for combatting In short, free and easy access to clean ter supply. ing tanks, is to educate the local popula- HIV and AIDS, as well as for promot- water is of paramount importance in al- To fi nd out more about Raincatcher tion on effective hygiene and sanitation. ing gender equality. Constructing our leviating the water crisis in Tabora – not Imperial, or to donate money to us Even when municipal water supplies water tanks near schools has the advan- just by providing drinking water for the through Virgin Money Giving, visit are drinkable, they are often extremely tage of giving parents an incentive to local population, but also through the www.raincatcherimperial.org. Any expensive and unaffordable to the ma- send their children to school to receive many opportunities that present them- contribution, however small, will go di- jority of the population. Some of the a decent education. selves with the help of an improved wa- rectly to our project in Tabora! 42 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX

HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter

SUPERACEGORTHEROAR8787 The perils of lending your

Lol. Cammy is havin anger man- laptop to others... agement classes. Barack_attack_l33thaxor You want to use my laptop? Well you can’t, just wait until you’re around a computer; nobody wants to talk to you that much haha. Why? SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 t always just starts off so innocently. “Hey mate, erm, can I just quickly check my emails (i.e. Facebook, Twitter and He punched his daughter in the Google+ LOOOOOL obviously not face when he found out meg- Google plus) on your laptop?” avideo was down. IThe correct reply to such a request is usually: “Fuck no, suck my balls. Why don’t you just Barack_attack_l33thaxor check that shit on your phone like every other normal human being on the planet?” That’s not what you end up saying. Obvi- ously, you end up just groaning and sighing and saying “Yeah, sure mate, here you go”. All hahahahahahahahahahaha the while, you’re frantically trying to surrepti- Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! tiously delete the shit outta your internet his- tory and secretly hoping you remembered to use “private browsing” for your private time. Uhoh, remember last night. Shitting hell that defi nitely wasn’t deleted was it? Why would the one time It’s not funny. I broke her jaw. you decided to see what “gay dwarf porn” looks YOU DIDN’T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT BROWSING BBC WHEN YOU BORROWED IT like (overrated – probably, this is all fi ctional) Barack_attack_l33thaxor be the one time you forget to purge your brows- ing data after? Even if you haven’t been looking fi lthy inner goings on of your mind in vid- The only solution to this problem is to stand at anything too out there, there is still no way to eo form. This is mainly because the only over their shoulder and watch them like a look like a classy man-about-town in your cir- embarrassing thing about that Facebook hawk. “Here, I’ll just get you to your emails. cle of friends after they’ve had a look through rape is its lack of originality. I mean, if There we go, okay, cool, you done, good”. hahahahahahahahahahaha your history. Especially when they look at your you’re going to try to make me look gay Then again, if you’re feeling in the mood for Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Facebook history and see that you scrolled (as apparently we are all now 8 and that’s some Derren Brown Jedi mind tricks, you can through every single picture of about 10 differ- a bad thing) at least be more discrete than go super blasé about it all. “Yeah sure mate, ent girls and go to their walls with stalkerish me “liking big strong men”. How many here you go”. Then just walk away and don’t frequency. gay men do you know have come out on even look at them. Hum a little tune to embel- Of course that’s not the only thing to worry Facebook with a poorly worded, gram- lish the performance. They’ll think: “Wow, he Well, I guess it is kinda funny lo about. There’s also the absolutely classic reali- matically dubious status update? must be bulletproof and have nothing incrimi- sation that you keep your Facebook and Twitter Just hope your mate isn’t sadistic, if he nating on here. There are probably zero self- Ed_Balls signed in at all times; you’re so incredibly so- is then your ex is getting a long winded, taken pictures of him posing with his shirt off ciable that you couldn’t bear to go without talk- heart felt, proclamation of your love via and his ‘abs’ clenched frantically”. ing to people in non real situations for too long. both Facebook and Twitter (damn them So there you go. Don’t lend someone your Oh great, now they’re going to do a “hilariously being so easily connected). Again, who laptop if you can help it. If you can’t help it, Economy shrinks by 0.2 %. David brilliant” Facebook rape in which they update decides to tell someone they love them in either watch them like they’re your newborn, you need to sort this out! your status saying: “I love it up the arse xx”. such a way. That’s what a drunken text at or overconfi dently, nonchalantly hand them it The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 Fine, this isn’t too bad, it’s worse if they see the 2am is for, for fucks sake. as if it’s no thing. Good luck.

Fuck off Ed balls. REDDIT JEFF GOLDBLUM’S willyoujoinmymiliband? FRONT PAGE QUOTE CORNER Lol. Who the fuck is Ed balls?

DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK ATTEMPT OF Send them in lads, get on the fucking THE WEEK scene: #1 Any hole’s a goal Send your photos to [email protected] Can Hangman go global again? No. FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 43 HANGMAN DRUNKEN Hïroscopes* *He’s obviously the best character from Heroes. Time travelling Asian. He’d stop Hitler. MATE OF Ariës Taurüs

You’re in a lecture. Not only have the Today, you wonder whether your Nin- THE WEEK lights been dimmed, but you’re pretty tendo DS can turn invisible. You’d put it sure your lecturer studied rhetoric Alan down in the kitchen and it disappeared. Reichman. Except without the whole Oh wait, that’s just because all your Batman thing. You still want to give kitchen appliances are white too. Serves him a blowjob. He accepts and, to your as a friendly reminder from Nintendo to dismay, extends his cock but not your all females. The world’s your kitchen! courseworkGerminy deadline. CäncerNow sudo make me a sandwich.

Today, you wash your hands after a long This week you decide to try the double day of danger-wanking – what’s this? decadence from Domino’s against all Finally your collector’s edition of Cool the advice thrown at you. You almost as Ice arrived in the post. You literally explode from the layers of cheese that go nuts. When you can no longer take defy all logic. Forgetting to go to the the friction burns, you decide you’ve gym after, you become hench. The edi- done enough to melt Naomi Campbell’s tor sees this, says ‘I told you so– (no se- ‘‘heartLeö of stone’’. Oh baby. Wirgøriously, what are you on about? – Ed).

This week, they’ve started locking Today, you realise your mother looks the Queen’s Gate again. Do they not like Angela Merkel. You wish you were understand how hard right angles an orphan. We can fix that for you, just Sure, of course you came dressed as Tommy from the Rugrats. More like you love the feel of those nappies, son are after a night out?! You attempt to check our classifieds for that assassin decompose the bars by constant unholy ad. He’s really cheap and effective, but acid reflux. What were you drinking at remember, kids, Felix takes no respon- the Union. No success. You turn into a sibility for the content advertised in that schnitzel and fuck off back home the section. Or in Hangman. In fact, we Down with the Führer L!bralong way. Pass the ketchup. Scörpiotake no responsibility. Ever. Now DO 1.

What time does the Narwhal bacon? Today, you begin your gap year with ne of our Science Editors Midnight? Chico time? When our sex an excursion across Finland to see the was on the lash and end- survey went live? No matter - it’s al- Northern Lights. The landscape gets ed up in an underground ways hammertime in your pants. Now you pondering the insignificance of bar in Soho after a get yourself over to reddit’s front page man and the awesome power of nature. birthday party. He came and douche the night away. Might wan- You’re interrupted by a Facebook tag. Oacross this Führerwein. Like a true lad, na turn off the Taylor Swift in case the Turns out you could have seen them he demanded it and got his credit card missus hears. from Scotland anyway. AntiLad. out. Money is no object when it comes to smashing the Führer. He downed it Sägittärius Capriporn and chundered within seconds of saying “I SAVED THE FÜHRER”. Then came the sudden realisation of his destiny; his This week, you stumble upon a kitten. Your little sister comes crying home quest to track down and deal with the Deciding to take it to a shelter (you explaining that she lost her kitten. After other six horcruxes. über philanthroLAD), you run into that breaking off most of your friendships due (Seriously, noble cause and that, but one good looking girl from your course to one liners revolving around pussy, you are you feeling alright this week? – Ed) (yes, one.) The kitten scratches her. Did decide against finding the thing - it looked you know feline aids is a thing? Without pretty sick and distraught anyway, and hesitation, you ask her out. It’s you or nobody likes an unhealthy pussy. You go You can obviously nobody now. to the Holland Club instead. Oh wait. do better. Aquariunt Pisses You finally get out of bed the morning You’re in the Felix office on a Thursday after yet another evening of free drinks night. What are you still doing here? hangman.felix@ (why do all those nice guys splash out Are you attracted to the barrage of Bün- so much? Aren’t they students too?) tarrrr? Do you hate your degree or is it Wait, what? A fourth year medic you because of the girls we have down here imperial.ac.uk met on the way to college gave you in the office? Nope, turns out it’s half Houston, we have an entscheidungsproblem. crabs. Not again... six and your page isn’t done. Fuck it. 44 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Puzzles Editor: James Hook

PUZZLES [email protected] Quick(ish) Crossword Last Week’s 1 1 2 3 3 4 5 6 7 9 Solutions Across Down 1. Hit overhead (3) 1. Large, yellowish brown soli- 8 10 3. Hamilton _____, Scottish tary cat with black spots (7) Premier League football team 2. Edited by omitting or Nonogram (10) modifying parts considered 8. In spite of (15) indelicate (11) 911 12 10 11 12 15 9. French phrase appearing in 3. Event that logically precedes another language (9) another (10) 13 11. Is obliged, or duty bound 4. Piece of information (5) to (5) 5. Yellowish red tropical fruit, 141316 1417 18 15 1915 2016 14. Loved and respected deeply used green in chutneys (5) (6) 6. Hold tightly to (5) 16 21 15. Omission from an editorial 7. Relieve pressure or severity change (8) (7) 162217 23 1824 19 17 25 18 16. Location of the pirates in a 10. Natural features of a pictur- Gilbert and Sullivan opera (8) esque landscape (7) 19 17. Explanation or justifi cation 12. Not in a fi t condition for of an action or event (6) voyage (11) 261920 20 21 22 22 23 19. Out of the way; secondary 13. Match display (10) matter (5) 16. Acclaim or enthusiastic 22. Of interspecies relationship approval (7) that may be benefi cial for both 18. Threatening or sinister (7) 2324 25 parties (9) 20. Important topic for discus- 23. Condition or feeling of not sion (5) Crosswords being pleased (15) 21. Make a bill a law; put into 24. By a factor of a score (10) practice (5) 2624 25 QUICK(ish) - Across 1. Indigo 4. 25. Statement of agreement (3) 22. Rigid (5) Einstein 10. Pepperoni 11. Agent 12. Sherlock Holmes 14. Incan 16. Antipasto 18. Laryngeal 20. Masts 21. Rites of passage 25. Atoms 26. Early bird 27. One on one 28. SLITHERLINK Word Wheel Meteor Down 1. Impossible 2. Duple R E 3. Gremlin 5. Iris 6. Scallop 7. 33 1 3 TARGET: 20 Elevenses 8. Note 9. Conclave N T 13. Loss leader 15. Carnivore 17. 3 2 2 Teleport 19. Nielsen 20. Mistype E 22. Ocean 23. Abide 24. Halo 1 2 Make as many words of at least 4 letters as you can, always using the W V central one. NO plurals, conjugated CRYPTIC - Across 1. Playing the 3 212 2 2 verbs, comparatives or superlatives, I I fi eld 9. Take apart 10. Barge 11. because I said so.. There is always at Heave 12. Debauched 14. Aide 3 2 2 2 least one 9 letter word. 15. Bask 16. Ratio 18. Inane 20. Hide 21. Jerk 24. Cathedral 25. 233 Scram 27.Ulnar 28. Gastritis 29. Temple of Artemis Down 1. Patch ChessSoc Chess 2. Awkward 3. Imager 4. Grandfa- 1 2 321 2 ther 5. Hit 6. February 7. Earshot 8. Dreadlock 13. Baked Alaska 14. 332 Agincourt 17. Referral 19. Antonym 22. Erratum 23. Esprit 26. Moses 3 211 28. Goo 2 1 3 2 3

The aim with Slitherlink is to have lines. That’s all the info you Chess make one continuous closed need to get the one logical answer loop by connecting the dots. The (though waiting a week to see the “White wins with a similar kind of numbers in each square indicate solution will also do). Answers to idea to the puzzle two weeks ago how many edges of the square [email protected], with the move 1. a4! (the idea of are part of the loop, so if it con- as the puzzles team recieves one course being to play Rb5#). With tains a “2”, you know that two wee haggis per correct solution. a few careful checks it is easy to and only two out of four edges see that black has no reasonable attempts to prevent white’s attack, the sequence which forces white Contributions wanted! to play on for the most amount of If you’d like to contribute by sending in puzzles, comics moves is: 1. a4! Rb1 2. Rxb1 Rb6 or even some editing, e-mail puzzles.felix@imperial. 3. Rxa6+ Rxa6 4. Rb5#” ac.uk. Be they horrendously complicated things or funky picture puzzles you think readers would like, do get in touch. General suggestions are also welcome. FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 45 PUZZLES

FUCWIT League Leader Board The Felix University/College- Nonogram – Jealousy Part II TTeams:eams: Wide Invitational Tournament League is both new and Elbowfart 88 improved, with prizes for both the winning team and the win- The Jailbaits 78 ning individual. Pegasus & Parrots 65 Points are awarded for each 2 5 puzzle solved, double if you’re 1 1 1 2 1 Paddy Got Bummed 55 the fi rst correct solution. 1 3 5 1 3 1 1 Cum Puzzling Sluts 2 1 1 3 26 The competition is hotting up, 3 5 2 1 2 7 3 7 2 3 1 1 9 1 2 each wave of solutions more Team Nuclear 15 climactic than the last. Can 2 2 you really afford to miss out? Ludibrium Lads 14 3 3 IIndividuals:ndividuals: Send your solutions to puzzles. 2 7 2 Jeremy Neale 91 [email protected]! Wael Aljeshi 37 29 Wael Aljeshi 3 1 1 3 2 1 1 1 2

3 Cryptic Crosswords? No Thanks! 1 2 Having trouble with the Fe- 1 1 lix cryptic crosswords in the sports section? No idea what 3 5 it all means or would like to know why some answers are 1 1 1 1 as they are? Contact puzzles. [email protected] with the 1 1 4 subject line “Cryptic Help”. You’ll be sent an introduction to how cryptic crosswords 1 1 1 1 work and what to look out for. Each week you’ll also re- 7 1 ceive complete explanations to the answers in the previ- 5 1 ous week’s Felix cryptic cross- word. 3 1

The cells in a grid have to be coloured broken lines of filled-in squares there The overall solution should yield As usual, answers to puzzles.fe- or left blank according to numbers at are in any given row or column. Look at some sort of picture, or as good as a [email protected]. the side of the grid. last week’s solution to see what a typi- picture can look in monochrome on a The numbers measure how many un- cal solution looks like. 15x15 grid. WorDUOku Pleasant Suggestive O L U What’s better than one fulfi lling existence? TWO wordokus, you say? Well, in that case L U N A you’re in for a treat! R L U F T I L C A Tell you what, in addition, every row, column and 3x3 box must contain the letters in the grid D O N A I T L once and once only. Along one of the rows or columns, a very special word or phrase will ap- U F O E U L R pear. More often than not, I’ve been told that these phrases yield great advice to be applied to O W E R R almost any situation. N F L D A I T C The headings above refl ect the childishness of the word or phrase. The more childish the word, D L F I tumblr: multipleimproperintegrals.tumblr. the more diffi cult the wordoku. com W L N O R U C N B twitter: @miicomic 46 Friday 27 january 2012 FELIX Sport Editors: I n d y L e c l e r c q David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League Rugby League try their hand at 9s ...where do you stand?

Will Brown A second try from Comerford shortly fol- posts. Rugby League lowed but Imperial then switched off and This didn’t stop Imperial and after a few Team P W D L F A Diff Index complacency allowed Carshalton to score sets a piece for each team including some 1 Fencing W1 5 5 0 0 403 233 170 5.00 After a successful 13 a-side fi xture last two late tries and claim an 8-8 draw. big hits and a Sonny Bill style offl oad by 2 ICSM Football M2 3 3 0 0 11 6 5 5.00 week Imperial College Rugby League set Woking College, having such a large half-back Neil, another counter attack from 3 ICSM Hockey W2 2 2 0 0 10 1 9 5.00 off to Surrey Sports Park to enter the Lon- squad, were able to fi eld two teams and Filton resulted in a try in the dying minutes 4 Lacrosse W2 1 1 0 0 7 2 5 5.00 don Broncos 9’s tournament and try their were up again, the 3rd time Imperial would of the game. Filton would then go onto lift- 5 Tennis M1 4 4 0 0 38 10 28 5.00 hand in the shorter format of the game. be facing them in the two weeks. At half- ing the trophy so Imperial should take pride 6 Tennis W1 5 5 0 0 56 4 52 5.00 A total of six sides entered tournament time it was two tries all, the fi rst from Im- in this result, keeping the score so close. 7 Ultimate Frisbee 1st 3 3 0 0 45 9 36 5.00 including highly experienced outfi ts from perial coming from Neil, who did well to The fi nal game for Imperial was against 8 Hockey W1 6 5 1 0 15 3 12 4.50 Feltham and Filton College, both of which collect a wayward pass, the second coming Feltham College, which was sure to include 9 Rugby M1 8 7 0 1 242 149 93 3.88 included several London Broncos academy from Wang-Koh; putting his cross-country a few young offenders, as well as London 10 Badminton W1 5 3 2 0 25 15 10 3.80 players. Teams from Carshalton and Wok- legs to the test after running three-quarters Broncos academy players. 11 Fencing M1 5 4 0 1 585 460 125 3.20 ing also took part. of the pitch to score his fi rst try for Imperial. Imperial remained unfazed, however, and 12 Hockey M2 5 4 0 1 23 10 13 3.20 The round robin tournament started with With the game all square, Dias came off after a hard fought battle which included the 13 Table Tennis W1 5 4 0 1 19 6 13 3.20 a repeat of Imperial’s last fi xture against the bench to play hooker and made an im- two smallest players for Imperial, Macken- 14 Basketball M1 7 4 0 0 465 380 85 2.86 Woking College. Imperial started strongly, mediate impact by tackling Woking’s wing- zie and Dias chasing a Feltham player in 15 ICSM Badminton W1 4 3 0 1 18 14 4 2.75 setting up camp of the Woking try line but a er into touch to save a try. This gave Impe- possession for half the length of the pitch 16 Badminton M1 5 3 1 1 27 13 14 2.60 lack of composure and a failure to fi nish sets rial possession and straight from the restart, and performing a great double tackle to 17 Squash W1 5 3 1 1 11 9 2 2.60 meant they came away with nothing to show Hamish Mackenzie managed to break the hold up the ball so that the Imperial defence 18 Tennis M2 6 3 2 1 40 32 8 2.50 for their efforts. In a repeat of last week’s line and run in for his fi rst try. Imperial were could retreat, Feltham managed to score 19 Fencing W2 6 4 0 2 564 585 -21 2.00 game Woking scored breakaway tries when not fi nished at that, Mackenzie showing his two quick tries in succession. 20 ICSM Hockey W1 4 2 1 1 23 9 14 2.00 Imperial were in the ascendancy. It was later pace to run in another try to get that revenge By this point, the lack of numbers had 21 Lacrosse W1 6 4 0 2 85 36 49 2.00 discovered that Woking were playing with on Woking College for the past two meet- cost Imperial dearly, unable to make as 22 Netball W1 6 4 0 2 240 195 45 2.00 10 rather than 9 players but they were still, ings. many interchanges as most teams. Feltham 23 Football M1 7 3 2 2 12 10 2 1.57 controversially, awarded the victory. Next up for Imperial were Filton College, managed to score again towards the end of 24 Badminton M2 5 3 0 2 13 19 -6 1.40 Next up were Carshalton and having just and after playing the previous 3 games the game to end any Imperial challenge. 25 Basketball W1 5 3 0 2 278 223 55 1.40 been beaten in such circumstances a fi red up without a break, this was the last team that After a hard fought day in Guildford, Im- 26 Lacrosse M1 5 3 0 2 51 27 24 1.40 Imperial took to the fi eld. The game started Imperial needed to play. Even though Fil- perial College Rugby League headed for the 27 ICSM Badminton M2 4 1 2 1 15 17 -2 1.25 with hooker Stephen Dias dominating one ton had to travel half of the country to be train back home with a couple of tinnys and 28 Football M3 7 4 0 3 13 14 -1 1.14 of the Carshalton props in a tackle that be- in Guildford, they still had beaten everyone their heads held high. Imperial’s injured 29 Hockey W2 6 3 1 3 6 26 -20 0.83 lied his stature and scrum half Jack Neil tak- else by at least 5 tries without conceding. President David Hobson said: “The lads 30 Football M2 7 3 1 3 17 19 -2 0.71 ing down his opposite number with a tackle This was understandable with the size of played really well today and with a little 31 Fencing M2 6 3 0 3 697 683 14 0.50 that was felt on the side-lines. their forwards and the pace and agility of more composure and experience we could 32 Futsal M1 4 2 0 2 18 27 -9 0.50 Soon after, Imperial’s Alex Bukharin their wingers yet Imperial stepped up to the have been looking at competing in the fi - 33 ICSM Football M1 2 1 0 1 4 6 -2 0.50 made a strong run up the middle before an plate. They produced some great plays in- nal. Being able to compete with teams with 34 ICSM Netball W1 2 1 0 1 82 72 10 0.50 audacious chip over the line from Padhraic cluding a step by Comerford that sent one far superior levels of experience proves that 35 ICSM Netball W2 2 1 0 1 52 50 2 0.50 Comerford set up the fi rst of his tries in of the large forwards to the ground. Filton we’re developing well.” Based on this evi- 36 ICSM Netball W4 2 1 0 1 47 50 -3 0.50 what was try of the tournament. Winger were constantly on the back-foot with Im- dence Imperial will be looking forward to 37 ICSM Rugby M3 4 2 0 2 88 90 -2 0.50 Ming Wang-Koh continued the good play perial coming so close to their try line but continuing their rise next term in both the 38 Squash M3 6 3 0 3 10 19 -9 0.50 by running from touchline to touchline be- at the turnover Filton’s wingers showed the 13 and 9 aside formats of the game. For 39 Table Tennis M2 6 3 0 3 53 49 4 0.50 fore showing his true pace, beating the Car- pace that Imperial were wary of to score more information or to get involved contact 40 Rugby M2 7 3 0 4 92 132 -40 -0.14 shalton winger on the outside. the fi rst try breaking from under their own rfl @imperial.ac.uk. 41 Golf Mixed 1st 4 1 1 2 7 10 -3 -0.25 42 Table Tennis M1 5 2 0 3 38 47 -9 -0.40 43 Basketball M2 3 1 0 2 225 195 30 -1.00 44 ICSM Badminton M1 3 1 0 2 10 14 -4 -1.00 Dodgeball: 2nd 45 ICSM Rugby M1 3 1 0 2 52 104 -52 -1.00 Comfortable success for Men’s 1s 46 ICSM Rugby M2 3 1 0 2 32 135 -103 -1.00 James Brown 47 Netball W3 6 2 0 4 109 100 9 -1.00 place in Essex 48 Rugby M3 7 2 0 5 100 120 -20 -1.43 49 Hockey M1 7 1 0 4 9 30 -21 -1.57 50 Football W1 4 1 0 3 4 35 -31 -1.75 ...Continued from Back Page 51 Netball W2 5 1 0 4 95 164 -69 -2.20 in 16 tournaments all over the country. Ed- 52 Squash M1 5 1 0 4 3 22 -19 -2.20 mund Teo was given the honor of ‘man-of- 53 Hockey M3 6 1 0 5 7 18 -11 -2.50 the-tournament’ following some unbeliev- 54 ICSM Netball W5 4 0 1 3 25 185 -160 -2.50 ably skilled game play in only his second 55 Squash M2 6 1 0 5 11 18 -7 -2.50 appearance for the 1st team as he was prac- 56 Squash M4 6 1 0 5 3 15 -12 -2.50 tically unhittable throughout the duration 57 Fencing M3 4 0 0 4 437 521 -84 -4.00 of the tournament. 58 Hockey M4 5 0 0 5 3 38 -35 -4.00 The Imperial Wolverine’s II team also 59 ICSM Basketball M1 1 0 0 1 46 64 -18 -4.00 displayed some strong performances in 60 ICSM Hockey M1 3 0 0 3 6 26 -20 -4.00 their games with some absolutely stunning 61 ICSM Hockey M2 3 0 0 3 3 19 -16 -4.00 Innovative defensive tactics from the 1s there catches from their ‘man-of-the-tourna- 62 ICSM Hockey M3 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 -4.00 ment’ Luke Barron and strong leadership 63 ICSM Hockey W3 1 0 0 1 0 7 -7 -4.00 from team captain Will Robinson. 64 ICSM Netball W3 3 0 0 3 26 106 -80 -4.00 ...Continued from Back Page boost to Imperial that control and game to Such strong and promising performances 5 points for a win | 2 points for a draw | -4 points for a loss try he managed to score again, giving Impe- the end. from the Imperial Wolverines teams in this rial a safe advantage. Overall, it has been one of the best Impe- particular tournament highlights just how Web: www3.imperial.ac.uk/sports Imperial kept creating chances, with Rob- rial’s performances so far, who are looking the far the team have come and the poten- Facebook: Search ‘Sport Imperial’ inson hitting the bar after a crossing from to extend their winning record and challenge tial that they have to go even further (as Twitter: @SportImperial Tofi s down the left. March and Benincasa for some silverware by the end of the sea- long as they remember how to start the that got into the game as subs, gave an extra son. minibus engine). FELIX Friday 27 january 2012 47 SPORT Captains’ Interviews: Cryptic Crossword 1,508 Hockey Club Captain 1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 10 Indy Leclercq

1211 12 13 15 Essential info: 14

151316 15 1417 18 191516 2016

Jason Ye, 21 17 21

1.70 m, 70 kg 182217 19 23 1824 1920 25 21 20

4th Year Computer Science 22

11 years playing hockey, currently on 2nd team 262320 21 24 22 23

25

2624 25 27

Likes: the Tree of Woe 2628 29

Dislikes: crashing the Union minibus Across Down

1. Substitute, having last of cakes, does 1. Meeting with the dead, a scene gone awry nothing (6,2) (6) 5. Rancid air conditioner to identify with 2. Lover of doctor backs into clothes rack (7) Imperial (6) 3. Frequency of trig function in worthless 9. Section of business to give out machine stuff gives desire to sleep (10) guns (3) 4. Bad antics with disguised selling? (4,3,6) Indy Leclercq they’re top of their league so far, so him about hockey in England. “pretty 10. A drink taken in through mouth is 6. Overeat a hundred sheep (4) Sport Editor let’s see what happens.” much every town has a club; I’d say favoured with eating apple (8,3) 7. Misery on German or Spanish flight (7) Jason tells me the Mens 1s were pro- there are more than a thousand in 12. One who’s driven notes cheaters (4,6) 8. Scorn cheat with allure (8) The captains’ interviews are still go- moted last year, but are having a tough England alone. It’s not actually a pro- 13. Leader’s equity following charity week 11. Monet for instance to inspire Jew to ing strong! This week, Hockey club time in the league above. “Results are fessional sport, but players in the top causes anger (4) depose leader (13) captain Jason Ye meets up with me in picking up, though”. he says, “hope- premier league teams do get paid – I 15. Made smooth and tough editor (6) 14. Books cruise with celebrity beforehand 568 to discuss all things relevant to a fully they’ll be able to make a stand” think you can earn about £40K a year, 16. He got ripped in part, something to for competition (10) wooden stick and a small hard ball. (and presumably avoid re-relegation). which isn’t bad!” Curious, I ask about increase sense of self-importance (3,4) 17. Register for taxi in rural home (3,5) Introductions out of the way, I ask Ja- The club captain himself plays with the top uni teams: “Well, obviously 18. Supervised making the cut, and then 19. Mountain before night with relaxation son how long he’s been playing hockey the seconds, although he says that the there’s Loughborough, [Reigning mul- some! (7) (7) – he looks pretty sharp in his blazer and teams are not fi xed: “We try to have the tiple BUCS champions who also play 20. Hear Bran Flakes for example are 21. Destroy and overturn tower gripped by hockey tie, and is obviously no new- best people for each game. It depends in the English Hockey Premier League succeeding (6) assault (7) comer to the sport. “I’ve been playing on how people are doing in training, – Ed.], and you also have Birmingham, 23. Gang found in acre wood (4) 22. Proposals cancelled with terse taking of for ten or eleven years now, picked it how they’ve been playing in the past Brunel, Exeter, Cardiff...we’re trying 24. Beef dish packs a punch lacking naan sides (6) up at school when I was eleven and few matches.” to break into that circle, and maybe starter, one gone bad (10) 25. Slide down with time in comedic sketch haven’t stopped since!” Speaking of training, I ask him how over the next fi ve to ten years, get pro- 26. Global warming may do to start a (4) Such dedication to the sport has led it is set up. Any famous coaches, like moted into the premiership.” conversation (5,3,3) him to take up the mantle of club cap- rubgy? “We go up to Harlington every Competition aside, hockey seems 27. One with concerning wrath (3) tain in his fi nal year. He’s happy to tell Monday, and operate a pitch rotation to be one of the more socially active 28. Write down figure as reason for hunger? me more about the workings of the policy. The 1s and 2s train together, clubs, and I get Jason to fi ll me in on the (6) club, and the team structure. “There are and come out half an hour before the goings-on off the pitch: “I think one of 29. Saint yearns for pains (8) about 90 people in the club. We have others. We try and make it so that ev- the great things about the hockey club four men’s teams and two women’s eryone has equal amounts of time to is the fact that we are a mixed club – teams, as well as a mixed team. They practice. As far as coaches go, we have there are lots of social aspects that, say, in the hockey club! Jason adds that “We take it very seriously. Last year, play in both BUCS and ULU leagues, one for the ladies, one for the mens 1s rugby or football miss out on by actu- around thirty people go on tour every the mens 1s won in an extremely tight and currently the men’s 1s are in the and 2s, and last term an ex-club captain ally having two separate clubs. We all summer for with previous destinations match; so did the ladies 1s. The mens Southeast 1A division, just below the came along to coach the 3s and 4s. We know each other, and even if we don’t including India, Malaysia and Eastern 2s lost, unfortunately, so we’re hop- premiership, while the ladies 1s are in actually got the Engand goalkeeping play in the same teams, we might have Europe. This year it’s Portugal – not ing to take our revenge. Traditionally, Southeast 2A.” coach to come down for two specialist a post-match drink, or a get-together. a country one would immediately as- IC are stronger at hockey though – the I ask him what the aims for theeis sessions, though, which was amazing.” There’s a really good club spirit. sociate with hockey, but Jason assures mens 1s have never lost Varsity” Is he season are. Any hopes of promotion? Our 1st XI have nothing to envy the “We also organise a number of so- me that there are clubs everywhere: looking forward to it? “It’s a whole day “Actually, the ladies 1s have had it fi rst XV, then. cials, including – but not limited to – a “there are quite a few teams in Lisbon, with fi ve matches at Harlington, start- tough for the past few years, constantly At this point I have to confess that fresher’s meal (complete with mums, and also in the south of Portugal.You ing at 9...and the atmosphere is great! fi nishing second of their league! They I knew little about hockey beforehand, dads, and incest), a fresher’s tour, a have to fi nd the teams”, he says, but Drinking port on the sidelines or steal- have a new coach this year who is re- and while it may seem a bit presump- Christmas dinner and an annual black they will be there!” Finally, with Var- ing the medics’ chicken head are part ally experienced, especially on the tuous, I don’t think that many readers tie dinner.” sity approaching (yes, it’s already that and parcel of the experience too.” player development side. It came down know an awful lot about it either. Jason That much is clear, then – no short- time of year) I ask the captain about I wish him luck for the next game, and to a single match last year, but this year gladly fi lls me in, though, when I ask age of opportunities to enjoy yourself the club’s approach to the whole thing: for Varsity –will they remain unbeaten? SPORTISSUE 1508 27.01.12

IC Dodgeball Football: Men’s 1s Dodge this victory vs St.Barts Theocharis Tofi s Football Men’s 1s 2 St. Barts 0

On Saturday the 21st of January Impe- rial 1s achieved a comfortable victory against St Barts 1st for the ULU league. It has been a troubled season for the 1s so far, with some of the key players injured. Although, second term kicked off promisingly, with a knock-out win over Goldsmith’s for the ULU cup, fol- lowed by the victory over St Barts. The 1s got strongly into the game, showing from the beginning that they will be bossing the game. The whole IC Dodgeball grab silver in Essex Open team looked in good shape, moving the ball confi dently around the pitch Ellen Kemp reports and playing some attractive attacking football. The duo of Hill and Wilson won the control in midfi eld, giving Imperial a hat started out as phenomenal 5-0 outcome. They com- from strength to strength. verines fought back, with remarkable clear advantage for the win. The fi rst any other Sun- pleted their qualifying matches with This on its own was not enough to skill and notable performances from goal came after a perfectly played long day afternoon yet another 5-0 victory against the secure a place for them in the fi nal – both Alan Soltani and Scott Esnouf, ball by Fryatt, fi nding Zarnas on the in January for a ‘Warwick Freshers’, in spite of a slight they would need to beat the current and went on to win another 2 con- back of St. Barts’ defence, who then group of Impe- numerical mishap with the score- National Champions and Premier secutive games making the fi nal score calmly looped the ball over the keeper rialW College students quickly turned boards, which didn’t go unnoticed by League title contenders, Warwick I’s, an incredible 3-2 to Imperial, secur- to hit the back of the net for the 1-0. into a gripping, nail-biting occasion the team and spectators. to achieve this. It was always going ing their place in the fi nal against the Barts did not look willing to quit the and a fi rst in Imperial College Wol- This led them to be top of their to be a mighty diffi cult feat given that ‘Bedford Bulls’, yet another Premier game and tried to get an equaliser at the verines dodge ball history, following group and it quickly dawned upon the Warwick I’s have won gold in ev- League team. beginning of the second half. Although, a string of outstanding performances them that they would be pitted against ery open tournament they’ve entered The fi nal proved to be just as thrill- the back four (Nielsen, Woodhead, Fry- at the ‘Essex Open Dodgeball Tour- both of Warwick’s notoriously skilled since the East Midlands Open, one and ing as the previous matches but with att and McMonagle) looked pretty solid nament’. teams in the semi-fi nal group, who a half seasons ago! The match started a 4-2 outcome to the ‘Bedford Bulls’ and the goalkeeper Garner made two Wolverines I kicked off the tour- themselves joked that the Wolverines off with a win to Warwick in Game 1, and the Imperial Wolverines I’s were decent saves from opponents’ headers nament by securing a confi dent 3-2 would ‘have fun in the 5th and 6th however this did not stop the Wolver- delighted to come runner-up to the to keep Imperial on top. Then mid-way victory against the ‘Reepham Raid- place play-offs’. ines, who managed to pull back a win undefeated team, taking home their into second half, Cherif passed to Zar- ers’, their fellow division one team This, however, did not deter them making the score one all. Warwick fi rst ever silver medals – a particularly nas who dribbled beautifully past three and therefore a challenging and wor- and following a spectacular 4-1 vic- then hit back fi ercely, winning yet proud moment for Adam Cutmore, of Barts defenders and after a double thy opponent. They then went on to tory against the Warwick II’s in the another game and bringing the score Club Chair, who has previously played ...Continued on Page 46 defeat ‘Winchester Reloaded’ with a semi-fi nals the team’s confi dence went to 2-1 in Warwick’s favour. The Wol- ...Continued on Page 46 SCIENCE BUSINESS ARTS TELEVISION GAMES

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