8 VOLUME 137.~ ./)1) tEST COLLEGE NEWSPAPER GREENCASTLE, INDIANA .35 ~ , rty s andalrock Di Admissions Director Murray linked Parties, kegs put library on .~ l~ to drugs, shady characters for SIN '. :~,:,~~ ,1-": " ,_' ~ '. '~?/ ~! by Stewstein 8. Sakword brary, he tried to salvage his by Cwose Dwya hear on WGAG, the campus incredibly::~',~jF~~e. , "''W ...... The crack investigative reputation and theuniversity's. The night of November radio station). It seems that an You thm1c"J:w:~!.. d have reporting of the DePoon news The illegal profits were 9,1988, marked yet another first underground student group on TROUBLE conViMing stu­ staff has uncovered an illegal, deposited into a top secret in thePee-Wee.. (Jear Era (read: the DiPPy U. campus, SIN, Save dents to drink? The mere covert operation covering five account at Credite First Citi­ PROHIBmON). Roy O. West Inebriation Now (see related rumor of a keg sends 'em run- continents and headed by zens. Next, a former DiPpy U. Library was placed on Social story somewhere in this "pa­ nin'." DiPpy U. Director of Admis­ administrator, underworld Probation indefinitely. per"), was behind the band and According to the unnamed sions Colonel Oliver N. Mur- drug lord and officer at the At 11 p.m. on the night in other sodalevents at the Libes. source, liThe keg placement ray to fund the Save Inebria­ bank, Nisham Walabson, then question, Snot Ballem, presi­ Since the onset of the 1988- . was KEY. Putting them on the tion Now movement. removed the money from the dent of Phly Kmppa Psigh fra;' 89 school-year, SIN has been third floor and the band in the Campus Commandante account and placed it into a temUy, was forced to fileanoise responsible for some very suc­ basement provided for MAX­ Doug Caucus and Special light-blue watertight bag. complaint with Doug Caucus, cessful parties on campus, in SOCIAL-FLOW. Kept the Agent Joan EverClear refused Every Wednesday moming, on campus commandant. Appar­ fact, the ONLY successful par:.. noise-level up, too." comment. . his way to Chapel, Mr. Walab­ ently, the band (Dolby, Raw & ties held this year, which in- "Umm... well, EVERY­ The DePoon has uncov­ son would drop the money into Mess) that was playing in the . dude most notably the nightly BODY knows it's THE place to ered irrefutably startling evi­ the Walsh- party. I mean it dence that links Murray.with ington C. was sooo cool drug peddling, profit skim­ DePoon when they had ming, shady underworld char­ Memorial itch Clear :makes herself a cat the open house acters, and SIN inan effort to fountain, (October 14) boost DiPpy u.' s faUingadmis­ where it by: Cwose Dwya with the hors named to the position of "Offi.. the uncanny ability to trans­ sionsstatistics. Murray's prob­ would be Joan Ever Clear, special agent d'oeuvres and cial DiPpy U. Campus Witch" form herself into a long-haired lem began when Caucus and picked up by of Doug Caucus, has devel­ live music. Be­ black cat (known affection­ Clear declared DiPpy U. a a member of oped a new technique which sides, it's the ately on campus as "Inkspot") "party free zone." SIN. the Campus Commandante only place on which allows her to slink in "When word got around SIN findsespedally helpfulin their campus that and out of campus hangouts the country that little Danny membe'rs, ongoing investigation of the wasn't on social and hot-spots with the rela­ Quail's alma mater wasn't loaded with Save Inebriation Now move­ pro already. tive approval of the students. partying any more, admissions illegal drug ment. The crack investigative Now it really ~'Heh, heh, heh! The un­ hit the skids," Murray said. profits from reporting of the DePoon staff sucks!" said a suspecting little brats got aU Highly placed sources in DiPpy U., uncovered this photo of Clear member of SIN. wimpy and sympathetic and the administration of Uttle funneled the the night before the Roy O. The anony­ let ME iJ1 the library to keep Robbie provided the outline of money into a bust. mous spokes­ by her bpss, Qoug Caucus. In warm. And I got 'em! the illegal activity. local liquor Clear has secretly been person for the that capacity, she was given THEY'RE BUSTED!" Five years ago little Robbie store, where group said that got caught in a pinch after los­ it went to . "The library in­ ing financial support for the purchase beer and liquor for keggers in Roy O. Every night cident will not put SIN out. of Center for Contemporary parties at Roy O. The parties, "after-hours" room was too this semester, SIN· has had a business. SIN will never die. Media. He decided on a grand caUed lithe bestoftheyear," re­ loud. "How can we compete keg available iorstudent con­ We already have proponents scheme to sen illegal drugs in kindled DiPpy Uo's reputation socially with THAT?!" asserted sumption in the third stall of in many aspects of campus life. DePoonland to raise the as a party school and were Jeff Gibson, sodal chairman of each bathroom on the third By 1990, SIN will be the mov­ money. solely responsible for Danny Phly Krappa Psilgh. floor of the library. ing force on campus." Murray, who helped de­ Quail's election as Vice-Presi­ Crack invesligativereport­ Theleader of SIN, who has l(gib' sen)n. A dry vise the plan, began skimming dent of the United States. ing by The DePoon news staff asked to remain anonymous martini having a small pickled some of the profits from the . "It was a great plan that has uncoyered the TRUTH ; for academic reasons, told this onion in place of an olive or a drug sales to support SIN. almost worked," Murray said behind the partying at Roy 0 lreporter that spreading the twist of lemon peel. American Single-handedly, by keeping fromafri.end'~isolatedseaside (real news you will NEVER rnews of the nightly parties was Heritage Dictionary of the the party scene aHve in the li- home in Kennebunkport, English Language. p. 556. Maine. Fresh en en edin ati a c injure two at bar by Bob Sakward Monday night, but represents edly lost his hearing when he face when she walked by a saidthe emergency dQctor at A herd of freshmen girls an all-too-common situation at unwiUinglyventured too dose freshman girl flipping her hair. Putnam County, "we'll fix'er invaded Toppers on Monday both of Greencastle's bars. Un­ to the freshme111 mob. "1 heard Evidently it was razor-sharp up raaht." At press time her night. Bar patrons cringed in fortunately, for two regulars, a lot of squealing, and then one due primarily to the excess condition was only slightly horror as the shrieking and fifty cent beer night turned into of the girls said something like amount of hair spray. She was improved .. c screaming reached new dec­ a night of terror. 'I saw the most toootally gor­ treated and released from One. disgruntled patron ibles. lilt was ugly," said one Al though the details are geous guy' in the highest voice Putnam County Hospital, how­ summed it up, ''It was just a witness, "they were every­ sketchy, two upperclassmen and then, then everything went ever the junior was in serious stupid accident. We go to the where, hitting on EVERY­ were rushed to Putnam County silent, I was petrified." but stable condition. bar to escape them (freshmen), ONE." Hospital with serious injuries. . In another case, a junior re­ "Ain't nothin a little sur­ and there they are, it sucks." The incident occurred last The first, a senior male, aUeg- ceived deep abrasions to her gery plastic. can't do to her," 2 NOVEMBER 11,1988

:'H Rob ert Bottoms is going to continue as president of the _~~~~_t_~~e~r~e~C_O~r_~~~~~~~~~~~~_univemll~shouldhecon~dHchangingh~bdname?"

Gingi Vitis Dewey Hewey Try Adams Cher A. Blanket Mike 'Seems' Sobriah Jon Low by Joe Will Taker/photos by Chilla Casey "Seems to me, the ginko is in a pretty good place. It "With the hunger of tru!~ university, I feel they're start­ seems to be in the middle of campus. The only complaint I ing to put different Tefrige~ators in places where they can might have is that it seems a little smelly over there. But it "1 think Greencastle city officials have the responsibil­ just fill the needs of the university. seems like Ithat's the best spot that was open." ity to get the administration and take them somewhere "I feel that some of these refrigerators are important, -Mike 'Seems' Sobriah, senior where they'll be taken care of, like a shelter or something, but maybe they need to expand more." but only if they become a problem-if they start attacking -Try Adams, ~enior "Since they're unbeaten it looks like we don't have a people, start running in packs, or something. very good ,:hance, but you know DiPpy U. and Wabash­ "Right now I don't think they're really harming any­ "I feelthat because of the amount of dogs that we have you alw"tys know it's going to be a fun game because it's body but if they become a problem then we'll need to do and the number of students, it's not the best sysb_m. In such a neat rivalry. something about it. terms of being given only two choices of the puppies that "PerS\)nally, I predict we're going to win 24-23. Just "But I don't think it's really DiPpy U's responsibility. you want... I know ·that in the past three semesters I've because.it'Siat Wabash, I think we're going to have a groovy I think it's Greencastle's." ended up only getting one of the puppies that I wanted. time and we're going to take advantage of that." -Gingi Vi tis, sophomore You end up swapping'Spotli to get one you really want and -Jon Low, junior it gets really frustrating. "1 was really pleased with the way the Mouseketeers "I think conSidering the circumstances, it's hard to handled the situation. In the past, they really haven't, in my . work with the small ·numbl~r of pups we're offered." opinion, taken the stude~ts' views directly into considera­ -·-Cher A. Blanket, sophomore tion. I was pleased with the way they took intoconsidera­ tion the sitting committee that was formed. And they ac­ cepted their opinions." -Dewey Hewey, senior

Vol. 131, no. 3

The DePauw (USPS 150-120) is published semi-weekly on Tuesday and Friday during the regular school year except during vacation Th "Crotch" and examination periods. Editorialand business offices: Student Publications Building, Center and Vine Street, Greencastle, IN 46135-0512. Office phone: (311) 6S8-469S. now carries kegs! Ann.ual subsc:riptioi\ rates: $}6, delivered, $20 mailed. Address subscriptioncorrespc>ndence to: Circulation Manager, The DePauw, Greencastle, IN 46135-0512. Postmaster: Send furm 3519 to The DePauw, Greencastle, IN 46135- 0512. Second class postage paid at Greencastle, IN. Advertising infolrllUtion: Rate cards and advertisi.ng guidelines available upon request. Addrells advertising correspondence to: Guaranteed lowest prices Advertising Manager, The DePauw, Greencastle, IN 46135-0512. The DePauw is published 52 times annually by the DePauw Univer­ sity Student PublicatIons Board of Controi,ClIn independent, not-for­ profit organization. The DePauw, founded in 1852, under the name in town! Asb&iFY Noks, is Indiana's oldest college newspaper. Editor. Mr. Mike, boss, sir MaDagmg Editor. Widdle WeArmie Asst. MaMgmg Editor. Fanny Mae News Editor.· Raub Burry Assistant News: .Rusty Buckets Features Editor. Alexandria the Great Sports Editor.· Gell1leral·Zamez Sports Editor.·.R.agnall'ok . Weekly beer and liquor Produdioit Mmiq~er.·dust call me Long John Assistant Pm(bldioft'Mmager. Erika Pilsen Advertismi:Managen·.Greggggg Eat'n Circulatio!d,~aJ:l:~ger.: Gwose Dwya sp>ecials Business·Managelr!\Grand·Larceny AssistantB~smes';Mmagu:· Jane Probes Photo Editor:tJoefWitVraker Graphics Editor..:· iQliDaGlsey THE DEPOON 3

Raub now you're with Johnny. Remember Johnny's so cute, and I think days. I want to back I it's serious. We might get lavali­ don'twantto Kansas ered. He bought me a sweat­ or Chicago or Indianapolis shirt with his letters .. I've or D.C., I wantto go back. If been 'sweatshirted!, I think . Wanted: Onemaleformalda~eto Wanted: Vibrant underdass­ I click my heels of my black that means something. spend the evening in women's woman seeks stable senior to at­ boots twice, I'll be back Tonight's his Christmas' lingerie dreaming of the Mediter­ tempt meaningful undercover there. There's no year like dance. Wow. I'm scared. ranean. Must not be adverse to relationship-no dating allowed. freshmen year. No year What if he lavaliers me to­ long green vegetables or elevator like... . night? We've got to pre­ situations. Send reply to I. M. SIN organizational meeting to be Candi,I'll never get ready party. I'llfllwe to be buzzed Borny in care of The DePoon. held next Hump Day in the under­ in two hours. My hair spray is when he picks me up. I ground media center which is stuck, my mascara is glopping can't deal. Attention Stud Bunnies,· don;t currently under construction di­ and these bows don't match my Turn up the music, forget our reunion on Dec. 2nd at rectly beneath Locust St. in front skirt. Whatdoldo? Isn'tJOhnny Candi. Lees chug. You the Nutcracker. Bringlotsofgood of East College. BYOB . cheer and a spare pair of panty­ cu'te? His cords are really sharp. look so cute. Bring out the hose. Notice: If alcohol or drugs are a Ihopehebringsmeflowers. Nah, camera. OJ'1.,myGod. It's problem for you or someone you hewon't. I didn't mash with him Whitney Houston! liThe Notice: The rah-rah bus to the love, call SIN now! We need new last night. Greatest Love of All." annual Ted Wheatly Pig Kill will leadership. Five mashes in two hours. Guys, 1 like him. This song be leaving one hour ahead of Candi, wasn't that Johnny or was brings back so many memories. schedule due to the increased Wanted: Oeancutdateforhouse it Bob or Bill? J'll have to check the That night in his room, eating number of possible tailgate par­ dance. Musthavereferences,good mash board. . burritos, dancing ill the dark base­ ties planned on Highway 231. grooming habits, knOWledge of Guys, 1 was drunk. It was ment, playing quarters. Doh, we . alcohol poisoning treatment, and everdear'punch at AnE. Hee, 'hee •. have to stay best friends next Wanted: Cute freshman for mean­ a bitchin' car. Bill told me afterwards. It didn'!' - year when wel re split up. ingJess Friday night and compos­ ite viewing on following Satur­ taste,like anything. 1 passed out, . Promise.' Promise. Lepper Darling, Thanxforthedead day. Send reply to Total Lee Cool flower and an even deader Friday wasted on hiscouch. You didn't· Johnny. Cod, that was in care of The DePoon. night. You're still my Bud-light. see me comt in that morning did his name. What a prep. What Tiger licks, Long Duck Dong. . you with marker written all over !!Ii!!~~_~am~.~I thinking? I've got to get Joint PanSatanic and Interfere­ me?! resume dOJrle, my semi- dous council meeting 12a.m. Dec. Wanted: Infonnation that will lead No way. That's so cool. But nar, my applications ... 25th in the gilt-edged fishbowl. to the abduction of jerk who went Screw it, I'm going to the bar. Canapes and champagne will fol­ marker-happy on my fonnal date low the informal gathering. Dress last Saturday night. is casual, tuxedos with Chuck Administration ends winter t41~rm Taylors will be fine. Applications for new crack Haz­ ing Squad will be taken on a first Public Auction: Due to health come, first to leave basis, in the '" by Bob Sakward reasons, the following articles will communications center at the Us. The administration de­ SJandelr went on to say that dorm food," he said with a be auctioned off from the Publica­ Top priority will be given to fresh­ cided yesterday to end winter the big joke in the ad building smirk. In place of 'winter term, tions Building next Sunday: qne men bar busters and the like. term. Citing a number of rea­ these days was the myriad of Slander said that the admini~ nude bust, Hollywood Ghost­ sons, Fred Slander said the speeches on a liberal arts edu­ stration would offer courses in busters' slime gun,S bolts of gross Wanted: Cute senior girl to spend u~versity, faculty and stu­ cation. 'We are always coming auditing, masonry, refrigera­ green carpet, 2 file cabinets cov- every .spare moment with great " ered with more crap than we kept dents would be much better off up with new and creative titles tion, plumbing, and for the junior guy. Must be willing to "in the real world" without for our rhetoric. Our last one inside them, and one militant listen to girl troubles, go to the bar girls, cooking and sewing. sportswriter- potty trained. every night and deal with it if eve­ winter term. was a duzy: Tradition, Imagina­ Butthis will not be the only "How can trips to Guata­ tion and the .Liberal Arts." ryone thinks we're dating. Reply change at DiPpy U. Next year, to Demetreus at The DePoon. mala, junketts in London, and Slander gave Little Robbie the administration plans to get on-campus hedonism help our all the credit. "He's great, I rid of the philosophy and soci­ students .become better doc­ mean the pipe and everything, ologydepartments;, "They're a tors, lawyers and businessmen he really tries to makes it look waste of time and money," when they graduate from he's concerned about the lib­ Slander said. "Those depart-. DePauw? Liberal Arts is out, eral arts." ments plant the poisonous seed vocational skills are in. We When asked about the of liberalism in our students. want our students to be tech­ student response, Slander gave They are taught to actually nocrats," he said in an exclu­ a slight shmg. "Let them eat think! Wecan'thav(-!thathere." sive DePoon interview.

Shuttle Tickets N owAvailable for GMI Thanksgiving, Christmas and "t0Uf heMiIP Counly Winter Term breaks "Computer Connection" $5lRide to or from Indy Airport '01' Crawfordsville ,,~ Amtrak .~ .. ~ "PIIfIW .. ~ -AII~.-· GaI ••~ Advance Reservations and payment required at -_111_._"'c.....-foMlIL~~ .. the Student Union Office, Mon-Fri. 8:00 am to 153-5541 4:30pm 4 NOVEMBER 11, 1988

Who Q:1"e you kidding' What's this? The Bachelor, Wabash's news magazine? Come on now boys, it's an appropriate name, but how can you seriously call yourselves journalists? The D,ePoon staffcan only, shake our heads in disbelief; When you get a real newspaper, call us. Oh yeah, ifYO~I still can't figure out your new Mac syste~, give us a call and we'll sabotage it for you.

STARGAZING UNDER T B~UBBLE Forecast for Friday, November 11, 1988 by Zelda Imelda Marcos Whizbang 19) Today's Birthday: Look where Rejoice water-bearers for' the in the john. you walk, especially in the Roy rainy season is here and that CanCell (June 22 to Jut 21) O. roller rink, for you have means the majority of DiPpy Woe to you disease ridden

'C problems that are under foot. U-iteswill think of wearing rain individuals, you should take a matter of {act, be sure to pay Also beware of things that paint 51ickers without you having to due from Aries and heavily special attention to the foot red W's on anything in sight. ask. Give praise to those that endorse prophylactic devices. products section of your phar­ Today's 21st Birthday: Good can dress themselves and even Please do so because things macy, especially if you're not luck, you're gonna need it. could fall off and get messy used to walking much on more to those that are capable campus. You won't enjoy the Scorpio (Oct. 23 to Nov. of helping you too. llater in the week. sights if your feet hurt! 21) Pisces (Feb. 20 to Mar. 20) Leo (Jut 22 to Aug. 21) Sanitary pads and tampons Apply yourself to anythi!lg but Here's to you, piranha faces! Count YOUlr blessings and pro­ are generally available in most pressing academics. Avoid . Yes, thisisyourdaytopublidy found platonic (few and far places, but if you're going to be Denise Faris off. the beaten path, stock up parties with less than two display your affection for flesh. between) friendships. Take before you leave. Remember, people. Your life will end on a Justbeware of prudish profes­ time ouno dress in drag and there are not always Ameri­ brighter note at the end of the sors that might get jealous. share Chicken McNuggets with OVERLOO:KED can-made products in foreign week. Aries (Mar. 21 to Apr. 19) partners. Remember, things Foot cream and countries. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Ignoring health matters like can only get better and prac­ Getting traveler's diarrhea Sanitary HeIns: can surely cramp your style Dec. 21) SID's and PMS could lead to tice, lots of drunken practice, whileyou'reona trip. It'sesti­ Beware of enthusiastic mem­ deep depression and perma­ makes perfect. Stock up be:fore you mated that up to one third of bers of the opposite sex that nent sterilization. It is your Virgo (Aug. 22 to Sept. 22) all international travelers de­ live to show you their compos­ time of the month for an affair Beware sex starved children of go! velop some kind of diarrhea. ites and MTV. Don't worry and it would be to your best stoned trick-or-treatersin Little . 32 hour train rides, youth But It doesn't have to happen hostels, and polluted dties are about a change in weekend Bo Peep costumes for these are to you. Follow the exampfe of advantage to seduce your all a part of traveling through­ riencoo traveler's diar­ plans, they weren't that impor­ doctor, regardless of sex. thedaysoflrevenge. Carryyour out Europe, Central Amenca, : Pack a supply of Pepto­ tant anyway and besides, the Taurus (Apr. 20 to May lacrosse and field hockey sticks andl'ust about anywhere in the Bismol Tablets before you house dog has been lonely 20) to class and remember.,. aim for wor d. These extreme condi­ leave. lately. This is your day, winged-bull, soft spots and vital organs. tions can lead to some severe Poor sanitation and lack of health problems. lcannotstress refrigeraUon in developing Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. to be a free bird and let you­ libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) the importanc~ of bringing countries, even in some coun­ 20) inhibitions take a hike. Hash­ Aggravation tests the sub­ your own samtary prooucts tries in Europe, can expose you Fear members of the opposite ish, goddess of a certain har­ stance of weighty matters in when traveling abroad. to contaminated food and sex who wear silk boxer shorts . vest, is on your course and gives your unbalanced life. Deal with First make a list of your beverages. Don't trust the with alternate forms of under­ you superhuman strength in problems on a minute to min­ pharmaceutical and toiletry water, and never assume that needs, then go to your phar­ the alcohol in a beverage. can garments underneath, for they all arenas. ute basis iEmd firm up winter macy. Have all new preso'ip­ kill bacteria. are not true children of Mother Gemini (May 21. to June term plans before the apoca­ Hons filled and be sure to get If you have taken the Earth (and probably have a 21) lypse. enough refills of your regular pl'Op:r steps to prevent these severe case of diaper rash). Twins,loversofhumanity~this If Your Child Is Born Today·· prescriptions to last· for your traveling discomforts, you Look for formal dates in out of is your day to romp with care­ What the hen were you think­ entire trip. should 6e able to eat, drink, . Other important items to and be merry! the way places, the locker less abandon through multi­ ing? Planned Parenthood's take· along include first.. aid rooms at Lilly are a good place miHion-doUarfountains. number is 653-4080. Plan to adhesive strips, a must for cuts to start. &ware of glib tongued indi­ finish your. bachelor's degree and scra~sand forblisters you Aquarius (Jan. 21 to Feb. viduals who leave the seat up later in lif4e. may get from wCllking. As a THEDEPOON 5 rincess searches for · a Center in DePoonland byMS. Grimm Once upon a time in a satisfied. you come to see me?" the king to the lions," the king decided. plated building with the latest, faraway land known as De­ One day a stranger asked. "What an anachronistic, back­ most technologically advanced Poonland, in a castle made of rode into town to speak with "I ha,re come to ask ward, unfortunate place in equipment available. Ofcourse green, lived a king wealthier' the king. The stranger intro­ you for your daughter'S hand which to live," the king mused you will write for The DePoon, than Donald Trumpp. His duced himself simply as Wally. in marriage," he replied. to himself, "I suppose if, one the highest, mostintellectuaHy daughter, Princess, was known He was dressed in a loincloth "Why are you better would shake him, his brains demanding form of contempo­ throughout the kingdom and and was slightly overweight. than any of the men who have would clang against the inside rary media," the king ex­ all the other kingdoms as the After spending aU day reading jousted for my daughter's of his skull like an old railroad plained. most beautiful woman in the month old magazines, Wally , hand?" the king countered. ben." "Oh,' ah, wow," land. Many men jousted for was finally allowed to see the "I am the most hand­ As a result of the bi­ squealed Princess. her hand but she was not a king. some man in the kingdomfrom zarre visitor, the king spent the So, Princess and her sporting woman and was never "Porwhatreasonhave which i come," Wally ex­ rest of the day wondering about entourage of baggage carriers plained. "Vnfortunately, there his daughter's future. Finally, headed off for DiPpy V. When are no women after consulting with his wife, Princess arrived she met sev­ fIIll!l!IIllI!lIIIIlI!!illmIlll!lllllflllllllillll allowed in the the queen, the kingcaUed Prin­ eral other sons and daughters here's a Media Center kingdom." cess into his chamber. of kings wealthier than Donald at the End of Every "Very "Daughter," he said, Trumpp who aU wanted to see Rainbow strange," said "the men in this kingdom are the fabulous golden building Help Princess find the the king. He all spineless boobs. You'll known .as the Center for Con­ Center for Contemporary then asked, never find a suitable husband' temporary Media. One day, Media.. "From what here. I'msendingyou to DiPpy not too soon after her arrival, PrinCiess and her new friends Roll a die to begin kingdom do you V., a nearby kingdom where ,'come and where aU the men have been reared in met little Robbie, and he sat the Princess Breaks a Heel is it?" the wealthy, suburbantradi­ group down in his Presidential "My kingdom tion}' suite. (DiPpy V. was governed Sit out one day while guide is called "Father," Princess by a semi-dictatorial right wing breaks other heel. Roll die Wabash~in the replied, "if Wally is any indica­ junta led by Robbie who liked and move ahead. la.nd of tion, I don't wan.t to meet any to call himself President to give C:rawford," he men." his government an air of de­ Frat Party smid, adding, "Well, daughter, you mocracy.) Little Robbiespoke "we live in will follow a course of study briefly and then pulled out a Princess is overwhelmed by caves." centered around the fabulous flute and began to play. Prin­ the generosity offrat boys "Ah... ,no,I'm new Center for Contemporary cess fe~lt herself slowly sli pping and drinks a little too much sorry, but I'll Media. The center is housed in into a trance and she fought to beer. Sleep one day. Ron have to feed you a fabulous gilt-edged, gold break the spell that little Rob­ die bie was casting. Slowly, Robbie stood Formal up and the students did like­ wise and began ,to follow him rincess is so excited apou East College Lawn. Trench out of the office. Princess er date she forgets about th Princess believes construction is now progress­ Princess faUs into smoke fined trench as played along but when the edia Center. Quit game. ing on the media center. Wait here untm con­ she is being deafened by East College bell. group was outside she began t married in four years. struction worker explains blueprints to her. Go Roll·die. to scream, "wake-up, wake­ ahead three. up," but none of her friends re­ Meeting of Poohbahs sponded. Little Robbie just winked. at her as if to say, "I'll Princess thinks the Poohbahs might de­ get you later, Princess." She cide something in their meeting. She is ran aw,ay from Robbieand tried wrong but spends four hours there any~ to find help, but she soon real­ way. Go back four. ized that all of DiPpy V. was under his spell. Several days later, in Campus Radio her despair, Princess realized Princess joins the staffofWGAGin a vain that Uttle Robbie was hiding search for facts about the Media Center. the truth about the fabled Cen-' Too bad there's ofsubstance here. Go back ter for Contemporary Media. two. 'Princessdete:rmined she would discovE~r where this fabulous center of learning was located What's That Smell? in defia!nce of little Robbie and Oh no! Princess steps orr a Ginkgo bomb his evil henchmen. and passes out. Later she throws a stink This fairy tale is just bomb at little Robbie. Go ahead two. beginning. Now every reader can help Princess find the IIIIJ IIIIJ IiIJ IIIIJ IIIIJ IIIIJ IIIIJ III! 111l1li111111111l1lil1li iii _-...... -- ...... --- ...... --- ...... ,11---.,...------'----:------,---1 Center for Contemporary Media Center Campus Newspaper Health Service Warning Media by playing the "There's Is this the fabled Center for , Princess gets as close to the facts about the Campus dogs are cute but they've been a Media Center at the End of Contemporary Media? Go Media Center as she can short of entering eating birds and squirrels and have dis­ Every ~:ainbow" game on this in and'look around. Stay little Robbie's mind by joining the staffof The eases. Princess didn't ltnow that. Spend page. for several, years and see DePoon; Her intrepid work gets her nowhere. a day recovering with doctor Goof. Go what turns up. Go back three. ahead two. "ilVe can even do room arrangements! No more nights By Widdle Weannie spent playing hide and seek­ After· thorough re­ extraneous stress during rush have been ringing oJff the hook, unless you really want to!! search and discussion, the such as tests, papers, or any according to Vice President of We've been really successful Committee on Deferred Aca­ other Academics, Fred Slander. Slan­ so far!" demics has decided that classes trivial what-not der said admission applications Since opening last Thurs­ . at Dippy U. will be deferred to Some concern has been have increased over 200 per­ day, Walmart said the House the last week in September I raised over the fact·that rejec­ cent ever sincE~ the decision was Dance Hotline has received beginning of October. tion from houses may be taken made to defer classes. "I just I over 200 calls.

The committee, con­ more personally after spend­ hope I don't lose my job over ======..=. I "I had no idea there were sisting of two PanSatanic ing .eight months with them. thIS,O h ey, h ey, h ey.. M. ay b e I Mona Belle, receptionist so many unsatisfied people! It's members, two Interferocity Pee Wee Schlegel simply re­ should become VicE~ President By A. Latch Burpar been a real eye opener!" he Council members, Deans Joan sponded, "Hey# if they can't of Rush. Jill bring it up with "Hello, House Dance Hot­ exclaimed. EverClear and Pee Wee Sch­ take the heat, geUhe hell outta Little Robbie.'" line. May I take your order Walmart said for interested legel, has decided that by de­ the kitchen!" Studc~nt opinion is please?" students to place their orders ferring academics, rush win "A college experience varied toward the! decision. It's a busy Thursday night as soon as possible by calling finally be given the full eight should not be an academics," Some. studenlts feel one week and the phones are ringing the House Dance Hotline at month period needed to grow said EverClear, "alterall, you of classes in October or Sep­ nonstop with anxious students HOT-DATE during business and expand. can't learn everything from tember is simply not enough desperate for house dance hours. Advantages books! Rush is a great way to time. "1'11 havlea seminar paper dates. The House Dance Hot­ 1/And remember, We Re­ to deferring academics: learn social graces-you know, due every day that week!" line, a new service from Onion aUy Deliver Anywhere For -minimal how to act interested in a per­ exclaimed SE~nior Kis Mee. Bored, provides an e,asy way You!" Walmart added. interference with rush son when you're really not, or Others seem ~;atisfiE!d with the for choosy students to get dates -no time (or how to sort out the good apples decision. "I much rather sing who will behave in the manner TESTAMONXALS desire) to control alcohol con­ from the rotten ones, so to beloved sorOJrity ·songs aUhe to which they are acCtllstomed. sumption speak. Later in life, a person top of my lungs an year long "We were concerned that "X didn't want to be stuck -stereotyping will need to know these than go· to dass," said junior students weren't getting a with an icky pottymouth so I would be maximized so fresh­ things-just wait until those Merry McCracker. . quality house dance experi­ called House Dance Hotline. I men could develop biased boring business dinners! Rush The Deferred Academ­ ence," Marked Down Wal­ ended up wilth a really, really opmlons to­ is truly a much better way to ics Program will go into effect mart, OB Special Activities neat gal. We spent the whole wards houses that will last prepare a Dippy U. student for next fall. SororitieS arid frater­ chairperson said. evening playing Tid­ throughout their college ca- thereat world. Oassesaresuch nities are highly encouraged The need fora hotlinecame dleywinks-my favorite game. reers. a distraction, don't you think?" to beging rush preparations to the attention of Onion Bored I'm completely satisfied!" -extended . Dippy U. administra- soon-skits will now become after reading Jay Barfup's col­ Chipper Doofus period of time available with­ tors feel the Deferred Academ­ one act plays, slide shows will umn in The DePauw about the . outclasses ics Program will be a big become madE! for TV movies. difficulties students f'lce when "I was really looking for -no added admissions booster. Phones searching for a house dance someone with a lot of money. date, Onion Bored President And my date looked just like Katy Parrot said. he walked outofJ.R. Crew from Poobahs convene for no apparent reason "Datesare such a rare thing the ti ps of his loafers to the top by Raub Buny on this campus so the students of his horn rim glasses. Hewas Ina small mustard-colored too many feasts~ horns have it, and the motion really have litle practice in my yuppie dreamboat! Thank room, in the heart of poobah "I know I'm being cynical, failed. Motion garbaged. you House Dance Hotline for buUhis feastis dead and should getting them. You really can't territory, DePoonland, over . After continuing discus­ the time of my liJe!" . two hundred poobahs in their be abolished. Little poobahs sion and Poolbah complaints, count those "mash and horned-hats gathered for their do nothing, the city doesnoth­ the grand question was ready dashes," she repeated. Ima Yuppie monthly meeting. ing, the state does nothing, the for votingby S4,!Cret ballot. Shfi, Other students may get Tonight's meeting held world is nothing!" WWESP don't teU anyone but they voted dates easily enough but find "I wanted a hunk who said. by rubbing thE~ir stomaches for special importance in tne life of out later that they're just not could deliver the goods. And DePoonland. The poobahs I Reign Poobah couldn't sit yes, patting their heads for no were to cast the vote to con­ still any longer and jumped­ and rubbing I:heir stomaches compatible. The people at he had to have a nice package! tinue their January month-long up in reaction to this comment. and patting their heads for House Dance Hotline match Free and easy-that's the way feast. Last feast, severa1 "Stop! Stop! I'm getting undecided. couples according to a really I like them! My nights were poobahs got out of control confused. I want to make a Shh, it's a secret. Stomach unique date profile system. lonely. I really needed a hot motion." rubbers have iit. (intoxicated by 'poobah "We match up those red carpet burn. I couldn't find punch'), flung mash potatoes NOh no, he's doing it Phew! Importantquestion against the ceiling and spoiled again," the crowd jeered.' decided, a lot of poobahs de­ 'hormone Henrys' with 'horny anyone to satisfy me, so I called the feast for everyone else. "I want to make a motion cided to hold a discussion in Henriettas' and the 'stuffy House Dance Hotline. I wanted Alas, because of these frivo­ to the motion, motioned from the 'white porcelain palace' in Stephanies' with 'suppressed a greek god and I had him. It lous mash potato slingers, the last week, and I want to set the another room and the room Sams' to make sure everyone's was the best formal ever!!" table. I mean let it sit at the became empty. Those remain­ entire feast's continuance was reall satisfied.'" Parrot said. Prim:rose . Us brought into question. table or with the table, or ing took up their knitting, Squirming in their seats, whatever/' IRP Said. graded papers, slept and knockmg horns and chatting To explain motion, you've started chatting about the constantly to each other, the got to understand that a mo­ weekend. poobahslooked worried. Great tion must be made and sit on a "Okay, we've got to get a Grand Poobah, Cylinder, called table, then stuck in the refrig­ committee started to work on the meeting to order. erator for a month; to· be this motion, I mean vote. The ~oobafi~ were perturbed brought out, moved by another feast will continue with and ImmedIately started com­ motion or motioned into the changes. How 'bout a commit­ plaining. garbage. Now, Ie' -motion is a tee to help ouit the committee, "Our feast is great. Win­ compfetely different subject. divided into sub-committees?" ing and dining and neat games Skip it. the Great Grand Poobah Cyl­ are so procfuctive," Perfect "Man, I've got motion sick­ inder proposed. Poobah wept. ness," Chuck Count-On-Him Snooze. Poobahs sank in However, the World-Will­ interjected. their chairs and fell asleep to End-Soon Poobah did not Horns up, yes, and horns the quiet mumbling. of 1ess agree. He had lived through down means no. The down important issues. THE DEPAUW 7 Sports- Athlete in focus (Just barely)

By General Zamez and Ragnarok He's a man. Bengals-Packers preseason thusiasm," he said. "Afterall, He's a myth. scrimmage. My dad and I food and spectating go hand­ He's a legend. watched most of the game from in-hand, or should I say hand­ He's Jerry "'stat man" the concession stand line." to-mouth, hand-to-mouth, Costas. While in college, .Costas hand-to-mouth ... " "Thereare few people who wasan avid supporter of every Costas said he has witnessed know as much about sports as many great sports personali­ I have in my pinky," said ties during his spectating and Costas. "Not that my pinky is sports analyzing career. For that small, but I know a heck of example, Costas remembers a lot. when 6' 10" DePoon star Slim Costas, a/S'lO", 355 pound Rayhaw battled the entire The Beautiful Ladies of I.M. FO(JltbaU couch potato and arm chair Wabash offensive line during Delores "Big D" Dwyer (amter) ckarsa pathfor Akxitl"Swift Foot" Robb (far quarterback, is a product of an early 70' sMonon Bell game. right), in last week's 1M. football championship for tvomen. Coach Bucket McDonalds, Wendy's, "Rayhaw literally con­ Longstrides will take an all-star sqw:ul of Tiger women north to take on the all-' Budweiser, popcOlm, peanuts, trolled the tempo ofthe game," star sqw:ul from Wabash. GOOD LUCK WOMENU Cheetos, pizza, BigBoys, Marv­ Costas remembered, jiggling in ins, Mama's, Topp:~rs,andover excitement. ''He ate up their 10,000 hours of television dur­ first string before the end of the ing the past 27 years. first quarter. After thatit was a The. 45 year old Costas cakewalk for the Tigers." graduated from DePoon Uni- DePoonathletic team. '1 think Jerry's interview came to versity in 1968 witb a degree in my favorite sport had to be an abrupt end when ESPN's sportshistoryand,malysisand men's basketball. It was a reruns of the 1976 World Series went on to get his masters in combination of the intense began. Jerry's attention was ugly, sports conversation and a doc- competition and the low salt completely diverted to the tele­ torate in romote control opera- . content of thepopcom," Costas vision and thebowlofpopcom quit lion at Big Mac College. reflected as he again painfully on the table. "I remember the very first shifted his sitting position. As we escorted ourselves athletic event that got me "I beUeve my weightprob­ to the door, we heard Jerry pick looking hooked," <:ostas recalls as he lem has been an asset and a up the phone and say "Send shifted his weight while exudl- direct result of my sports en­ over a large stuffed pizza with at ing a low moan. "It was a the works!" e Delta Tau Delta & Putnam County Hlabitat For Humanity As if you didn't NOTICE, this pa- per isn't quite RIGHT. Well, it's Team Up! THE DE.. POON butyouoknowthat. Relax, step back, LAUGIi at yourself 'a little. I know I laugh at you AL .. MOST every day. Nothingi Help make it possible to build houses for meanttobeotaken seri- .the Putnam County.community in:need ... ously in th is .. ' paper except the ' ad ve r..'t is·e .. ,ments. Of 'courseIRARELYtake ,you seriously. Buy a raffle ticket at· tom:orrow's·game! DePauw, W, bash· reach eace a ee e t By Ragnarok YALTA, THE CRIMEA - Ath­ foundations. The separate gotiations said details of the within the DePauw Admini­ peet between DePauw and letic representatives from foundations united together to agreement will 1110t be revealed stration refused to comment Wabash but should instead be DePauw University and issue a statement which raised until afte~r the Monon Bell while agents dose to the ath­ mounted on the Putman Wabash College met this past concern over "further conflict gamE:. Unidentilfied sources in letic department wereunavail­ County Line along Route 231 week in the Soviet tourist town and unnecessary aggressive Greencastle and able for replies. to symbolize the union "intel­ of Yalta, located on the Cri­ behavior" between the two Craw'fordstrille indicated there One unidentified souf(:ein lectually and socially between mean Peninsula of the Black schools. DePauw athletic rep­ is a general fear around both Yalta indicated that a specific the two schools." Sea, to reach agreements on a resentatives, both student-ath­ campuses that the peace agree­ article of the agreement entails In a late-breaking devel­ tentative peace settlement be­ letes and faculty-coacbes, took' ment will forbid any further weekly dinner exchanges be­ opment, it was· announced by tween the two rival schools. the initiative and extended competition between the two tween the two schools "in or­ Radio Free DePauw (91.5 FM) The terms of the peace set­ invitations to Wabash College schools. der to promote and further last Wednesday that the Monon tlement haveyetto be disclosed representatives for a summit A sOurce within the ad­ healthy intellectual discus­ Bell has been returned to the to the public. conference to be held at a neu­ ministration at Wabash College sions." DePauw fraternity and DePauw campus. It was re­ DePauw and Wabash, lo­ tralsite. supported the elimination of sorority houses will rotate ported that the men from cated only 27 miles apart in a The peace settlement was athletic and ac~demic compe- hosting Wabash men once a Wabash decided to begin the remote rural section of West signed at Yalta one week prior , Htion bet'w'een the two schools. week and vice versa. Also, it new peace process on the right ~Central Indiana, have been to the football showdown be­ The unidentified source noted was hinted that an undisclosed foot and therefore they re­ fierce competitors dating back tween the two schools. liThe that the tivalry has .become percentage of Wabash men turned the ben to the Tigers to the 1890s in various activi­ battle for the Monon Bell," unhealthy and therefore has must be cordially invited to all before the game. ties including varsity and in­ which is a part of the oldest bred a general hatred between DePauw greek social events, Coverage of theoffidal an-:­ tramural athletics, blood football rivalry west of the both communitit~s. The source including sorority informals nouncementof the peace agree­ drives, and debates. Allegheny Mountains, will take further said that the unhealthy and formals. ment as wen as up-to-date The peace summit took place . tomorrow in competition hCls generated an Another disclosure of the reports on further develop­ place after a concern was raised Crawfordsville' at the Little isolationist atti tude among the agreement revealed that the ments in these proceedings will from both school's alumni Giants' football stadium. rivals. Monon Ben should no longer be filed with the THE DE­ Sources involved in thene- Unidentified sources from represent the competitive as- POQN as wen as the AP and l.ll1 news services. CD CD ttl for the 1 s Ina d atu y By General Zamez What is there that hasn't year for this one moment. . The work ethic is still alive them. pig-caller from the champion­ already been said? Hours out in the field running and well. They have. a devistating ship team said, '1f we can get This is one of the greatest, and sweating their last ounce. Oh man, when it comes attack. them by the throats early we oldest match ups with the pig­ Hoursatthe table tryingto keep down to <:runch time you can Those guys in the trenches should be able to control the skin in the history of the sport. the weight on. , count on him to drive itin. Yes are the guys that really make tempo." One that could only happen Hours spent for this one sir. this team go. Thl~y dig in and We would be happy if once a year. moment in the sun. What ,a game it gonna be. drive. Barbara May Samuals could A pairing that can come More Praise How do you describe it? It's a war oul: there. remember to bring the three out any way in a given season. You couldn't be anymore It's just undescribable. Down and dirty bean salad. These competitors are the best dedicated to the pigskin than It gets benet Cutting through all that Oh,and there will be plenty that either group of spectators these felIas. They ]possess all the weap­ has been said, this year's Fifth of chances for the kids to be a are proud to have on their side. We have some of the top ons you could ever want on the Annual Ted Wheatly Pig Kin is part of the action with games And they just get bigger players in the nation with us. ground or in the air. going to be the lbest ever. A like "Who can steal Bessy's and taller and faster every Nadidan is one of the top They have one of the hard­ good time is expected for aU. Bell?" season. There's no tradition rated young men in the game. est hitting attacks you could Forgive the play on words, For concerned parents quite like it. Of course Bradiscowski is no ever want to imagine. Their buttMs will bea colorful event. there will be paramedics and Hard workers. slouch either. opponents can't go to sleep out Charles Noris, returning ambulances prepared and of They've been training aU there or they'll sneak up on course no alcohol wHl be ai­ lowed. Statement warns athletes

A statement issued by the tains wereinduded in the state­ DePauw athletic department ment. last week cautioned all student­ The statement reserved the athletes to the possibility of . right to coaches to not play nonpartidpation in varsity athletes despite the athletes' athletics. dedk~~tion,hard wotkand past The statement was issued successes in their respective to all student-athletes but was sports. The statement also gave directed mainly towards sen­ coaches the right to overlook ior athletes with at least three any explanation to the athlete varsity letter awards. The state­ as to why their successful var­ ment cautioned those athletes sity careers have suddenly ~en who have been selected a11- directed towards the end of the conference and academic all­ bench. conference as wen as candi­ The statement was sent to dates for AU~Americanhonors aU athletes early this week and that their varsity playing time was made retroactive to the A new underwater camera was recently installed in the Lilly Center Natatorium in order to allow coaches and swimmers is not a guarantee. Those ath­ beginning of the 1988 faU ath­ to view and critique diving entries from IIdown under." Above, three Tiger swimmers are captured in video as they begin letes. who are also team cap- letic seaSon. Ii heat of the 50 km freestyle event. (Photo by Will Taker)