Volume 43 - Issue 16 - Friday, February 1, 2008

Home , Monon Bell, The Hole (Scientology)

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Winter 2-1-2008

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

Follow this and additional works at: https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn

Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 43 - Issue 16 - Friday, February 1, 2008" (2008). The Rose Thorn Archive. 172. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/172

THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS ROSE-HULMAN REPOSITORY IS TO BE USED FOR PRIVATE STUDY, SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH AND MAY NOT BE USED FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSE. SOME CONTENT IN THE MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS REPOSITORY MAY BE PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT. ANYONE HAVING ACCESS TO THE MATERIAL SHOULD NOT REPRODUCE OR DISTRIBUTE BY ANY MEANS COPIES OF ANY OF THE MATERIAL OR USE THE MATERIAL FOR DIRECT OR INDIRECT COMMERCIAL ADVANTAGE WITHOUT DETERMINING THAT SUCH ACT OR ACTS WILL NOT INFRINGE THE COPYRIGHT RIGHTS OF ANY PERSON OR ENTITY. ANY REPRODUCTION OR DISTRIBUTION OF ANY MATERIAL POSTED ON THIS REPOSITORY IS AT THE SOLE RISK OF THE PARTY THAT DOES SO.

This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2008 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 43, ISSUE 16 Laptop thief still at large News Briefs Scott Gallmeier engineer, who recalled the one of the freakier experienc- was noticed. The intruder By Kyle Kamischke S t a f f W r i t e r short series of events that led es of my life.” With no avail, was seen, parked in Speed up to the theft and then after- he rapidly found his Resident Lot, walked inconspicuous- safe campus? That has wards. Most said that he had Assistant who went through ly across campus, entered Murderer drops law- been the question over come to his room and set up the proper channels and con- Deming Hall, progressed to suit against victim Athe past month in re- his laptop in order to do some tacted Erik Hayes and Public the second floor, and then gards to a recent breakout in work. He then went to the re- Safety. stole the laptop, nonchalant- A Spanish man who sued the family of a theft on campus. The prob- stroom, only to come out and Erik Hayes, Director of ly returning to his car, laptop teenage boy that he hit and killed with his lem arises in the thefts of see an unknown man leaving Residence Life, responded in hand. After this, Hayes car has dropped a lawsuit against them. In laptops which has shocked his room. This prompted him to this incident as rapidly as noted that they were easily August 2004, Tomas Delgado hit and killed students, staff, and faculty to investigate only to notice he could as well. He worked able to obtain photographic 17-year-old Enaitz Trinidad with his Audi alike. The span of these thefts that his laptop was no longer in accordance with the Office evidence including the un- A8 when he was riding home on his bike. has been noted to occur since in the room. His first response of Public Safety to attempt known man’s face, car, and Delgado then filed a lawsuit for $29,400 late November through early was to attempt to find and de- to find this unknown figure license plate; all valuable infor damage done to his car in the colli- January. tain the unknown man who somewhere still on campus formation to be turned over sion. He insisted in interviews that he was One case of theft occurred had just left his room, but with the network of security to the police, which was done a victim in the accident. Now, due to pub- December 14, 2007 in Deming found out later that the man cameras that cover nearly all thereafter. lic pressure, he has decided to withdraw Hall. The victim was Thomas had narrowly evaded Most. of campus. While doing this, his lawsuit. According to authorities, Del- Most, a freshman software According to Most, “This was the arrogance of the thief Continued on Page 3... gado was traveling 15 mph over the speed limit when he killed Trinidad. The lawyer for Delgado said he “felt that the extensive publicity amounted to a public lynch- Hackers attack Scientology ing.” A local prosecutor is now looking into whether new charges can be brought Rachel Howser tology websites, prank calls, devoted to the practice and ogy are harmful practices. against Delgado for putting Trinidad’s Staff Writer and black faxes to Scientology promotion of the Scientology The activities of the Church family through so much stress. centers (which waste toner). belief system. Science fiction of Scientology have been con- n Internet-based pro- Recently, Scientology has writer L. Ron Hubbard devel- troversial since its onset. Ear- Internet broken in test against the Church enjoyed considerable public- oped Scientology in 1952 and ly in its history, the Church of Aof Scientology is un- ity because of several of its the Church of Scientology in Scientology’s founders were derway by a group known as high-profile celebrity mem- 1953. Scientologists believe convicted of infiltrating and two continents “Anonymous.” The protest, bers including Tom Cruise, that a person is an immortal stealing from 136 government Large regions of the Middle East, Asia, dubbed “Project Chanol- Katie Holmes, and John Tra- spiritual being with a mind agencies, foreign embassies, and North Africa were without Internet on ogy,” started on January 16 volta. While Scientology may and body. They believe in and consults to purge unfa- Thursday, which brought technology com- in response to the Church of have become a common term the notion of reincarnation vorable records about Scien- panies to a stand-still. It is not completely Scientology’s attempt to re- because of its increased use in and that through “auditing” tology and L. Ron Hubbard. known what has caused the outage, but move information from the supermarket magazine head- people can free themselves of They were imprisoned for five many experts are blaming damage to an Internet. Anonymous has or- lines, many do not know what ethical transgressions and bad years. undersea cable in the Mediterranean Sea. ganized a series of denial-of- it actually is. The Church of decisions. They also believe Countries such as Kuwait, Egypt, Saudi service attacks against Scien- Scientology is an organization that psychiatry and psychol- Continued on Page 3... Arabia, United Arab Emirates, and Qatar are all having severe issues. It is believed that a boat anchor tore the cable. Some countries have been forced to reroute their Internet traffic through satellites put This week...... in pictures in place for such an emergency. Another alternative some countries are consider- @ Rose ing is routing traffic through older, un- damaged lines. Unfortunately, they have less capacity and will still cause Internet slowdowns. “That’s no moon” A large spy satellite is expected to fall from its orbit to somewhere in North America, according to General Gene Ren- uart, who is the head of the US Northern Command. The satellite lost power in February 2007 and no longer can control its orbit. Most satellites burn up upon re- entry into the Earth’s atmosphere, but the size of this satellite might mean that there will be an impact somewhere in Mexico, the U.S.A., or Canada. The U.S. military has put forth a contingency plan that would involve coordinating with Mexico or Canada if the satellite crashed in either of those countries. The satellite is approx- Andrew Carlson and Matt Vargo / Rose Thorn imately 173 miles above the Earth and is Left: The result of the Purling Pachyderms’ knitting for the needy. The scraves and hats were knitted and crocheted by Rose-Hulman dropping around 1,640 feet each day. students and community members and will be distributed to local charity organizations. Right: Jarrett Waters donates blood during the third blood drive of the year. In this issue of the Rose Thorn... “Who taught you how to count?” “I don’t “Riot” and “Rainbows” OPINIONS Clutch comebacks know, but it’s awe-

6 MOTHERS some!” “Just checking

cause he’s foreign.”

Your mom is a speed bump F LIPSIDE

E4NTERTAINMENT 7SPORTS 8 8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Name-that- by J.P. by artist Verkamp Jim • This week’s artist has been eligible for the Rock And recording and performing Roll Hall of Fame since 1989, Sedoff almost twice as long as most he has thus far been passed students here at Rose have over. In addition, this art- Instructions: Use the clues to ﬁll out the been alive, first recording ist is somewhat unique in with a high school friend for the fact that he is the copy- puzzle Duel Records in 1960. right owner, unlike the norm where the recording com- • From the 1960s through pany or another party holds most of the 1980s this art- the copyrights to an artist or ist continued to be one of groups songs. the most popular pop music artists of the time with 37 • Married twice, in 1963 and top 40 singles. Of those, 12 1969, this artist has four reached the top 10 and three children. When divorcing were number one hits. With his second wife in 1995, the all of these hit singles comes settlement was the fourth a great number of albums, largest at the time, totaling including 28 studio albums, over $150 million. When seven live albums, and 22 asked for comment, this art- compilations some released ist responded with, “she has as recently as last year. earned every penny.”

• In 1984, this artist was in- For this week’s answer, go ducted into the Songwrit- to http://www.rose-hulman. ers Hall of Fame. Although edu/thorn. Find the answers to all Rose Thorn puzzles at: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/ thorn CLASSIFIEDS House for rent Apartment for rent Gibson Apartments 1 - 2 -3 -4 bedroom apts. $390 and up some include all Large, furnished three bedroom apartment available Nice clean house for rent near Collett Park. Two bed- utilities but lights. NO pets. Gibson Apts 234-4884. room, kitchen, living room, dining room, bath. Corner beginning Fall quarter. Nine month lease. $675 includes lot, fenced in backyard. No pets. Call 243-0555 for more utilities. Contact Dr. Ditteon (CL104, Box 171, ext. 8247 or information. 299-5182) for more information. Sharp Flats Thinking about living off-campus for the ‘08-’09 school year? Visit www.sharpflats.com or call (812)-877-1146. House for rent Sharp Flats East located next to Rose-Hulman campus. House for rent 3 bd., spacious, quiet for study, EXTRA NICE! Sharp Flats in town located on or near South 6th Street. Call 232-6977 after 11 am. Please leave ph #. Reserve your 3-6 bd. house now for 08-09 school year. In better neighborhoods with ample parking and close Sharp Flats to campus. 2+ baths, central air, fridge, range, dish- House for rent Need a place to live right now? Check out Sharp Flats washer, washer and dryer all included. Two car garages 3 bedrooms extra clean with kitchen appliance, North East. Just a five minute walk to campus. We have studios, and very clean and well-maintained with 24 hr service. 10th St., updated basement, hardwood and carpet floors, efficiencies and one bedrooms. Some units are furnished 9-12 month leases. My past and current RHIT tenants fenced yard, car garage, no pets, $795+ utility, email Dr. and some include all utilities. Check us out www.sharp- are my references to you! Call 478-9286. Hariri or call 317-873-5923. Please leave ph#. flats.com or call us at (812) 877-1146. The Rose Thorn Editorial Staff Thorn Staff CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers David Bander John Pinkus Editor-in-Chief Aaron Meles Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 News Editor Ryan Schultz Tim Boyer Christine Price Phone:(812)877-8255 Opinions Editor Andrew Klusman Ben Collins Jessica Rogers Entertainment Editor Phillip Meiser Fax: (812)877-8166 Scott Gallmeier Jim Sedoff Sports Editor Mike Ferguson E-mail: [email protected] Kyle Kamischke J.P. Verkamp Humor Editor Alex Clerc http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Rachel Howser James Zhou Copy Editor Chris Casillas Matt Melton Photo Editor Andrew Carlson “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Tim Olmsted by providing an accurate and Tiffany Parrott dependable source for news and information.” Layout Cari Harper Administrative Staff Advertising Manager Parker Lee The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays Cartoonist Erin Hudson Business Manager Alex Cerier first through ninth week each quarter. Webmaster Jonathan Ziebell Photographers Christina Davis Isaac Sachs Advisor Richard House Suzanne Kissel Matt Vargo Albert Mui The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. TWO DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, February 1, 2008 NEWS 3 For Facebook, Scientology, from Page 1 Scrabulous application spells Claims have been made that Scientologists are the authority bers were a “pathetic” group of T-R-O-U-B-L-E Hubbard discussed his intent to on getting addicts off drugs. After “computer geeks.” start a religion for profit. There a threat of litigation, YouTube re- On February 10, Anonymous There are currently 423 “Scra- are also claims that the Church moved the video; however, it can plans to hold an international Jessica Bell bulous” groups on Facebook, has used confidential records still be found on other websites. protest outside Church of Scien- Daily Pennsylvanian from “If Hasbro Kills Scrabu- during the Church’s “auditing” A group of users of the image- tology centers. Sophomore ap- lous, I will die!” to “PLEASE save process to harass and intimidate boards 711chan.org and 4chan, plied biology and software engi- In addition to playing Jet- Scrabulous.” its members. More seriously, the associated partyvan.info wiki, neering major Robert Williamson man, competing in Food Frien- But not all Penn students are in 1995 a 36-year-old woman and several Internet Relay Chat stated, “I don’t necessarily con- dzy to win CampusFood Cash intent on saving the applica- died while under the care of the channels have banded to collec- done all of the actions of various and posting bumper stickers on tion. Church. To avoid allowing the tively be known as Anonymous. people in the name of Anon, but friends’ walls, users of the so- “Sadly I do think the lawsuit woman to be put into psychiat- Anonymous formed “Project I am interested in the whole situ- cial-networking site Facebook. is fair,” Wharton sophomore ric care, the Church would not Chanology” after the Church of ation. The various protests, that com have been improving their Mike Horowitz said. “There’s take her to the hospital after she Scientology issued copyright vio- remain peaceful, like the ones vocabulary skills. no doubt they stole the idea showed signs of having a seri- lation claims against YouTube. planned for February 10 at vari- But the almost 600,000 thou- from Scrabble. I’d say Facebook ous infection. She eventually Anonymous claims that the ous Scientology Headquarters, I sand Facebook users who play should probably remove the died. Recently, the Church has Church of Scientology’s actions think are a good idea. I think the Scrabulous - a free, online ver- game.” attempted to legally force search are a form of Internet censorship. public and members of the CoS sion of the board game Scrabble College freshman Johnny engines to omit webpages that Senior computer engineering ma- who do not know about various - every day, may have to find a Lloyd agreed. criticize Scientology. Sophomore jor Kenneth Alexander explained, court cases and deaths should new hobby. “If it’s not legal, it has to go mechanical engineering major “So far, their primary attack has be at least informed.” William- Earlier this month, the com- off Facebook,” he said. “I don’t Michael Schoumacher states, been using Distributed Denial of son continued, “Which all comes panies that own the rights to really see a problem with them “There are too many people who Service attacks or DDoS. Secu- back to the main issue, freedom Scrabble, Hasbro and J.W. Spear taking it off.” don’t know how dangerous Sci- rity analysts who have monitored of speech, which is the initial rea- & Sons PLC, a subsidiary of Hasbro, the world’s second- entology is: the stories of how the attack have been surprised son Anon decided to begin this Mattel, wrote jointly to the U.S. largest toy and game company, they financially ruined the lives by the unsophisticated nature of war on Scientology. They are far head office of Facebook, asking owns the rights to the Scrabble of people who joined the religion, the attack, brute force is the tool too secretive, and that just breeds the company to remove Scrabu- trademark in the United States the mysterious deaths at their re- of choice they used. Others have fear in the masses. The attacks on lous, citing copyright infringe- and Canada, and Mattel, the treat of people who were trying included ordering pizza’s and the Scientology websites, faxes, ment. largest toy company, owns the to get out, the misuse of the gov- taxi’s for Scientology churches, and hotlines are funny; however, Thus far, the Scrabulous ap- rights everywhere else. ernment’s tax clause for religions or faxing solid black pages to try they do not really help get the plication remains on the Web Scrabulous was created in for their wealthy followers. What and run them out of ink. Many point across. It just makes Anon site. 2006 as a standalone site by the started as a joke religion made by people find their position and look like a group of ‘Internet ter- The prospect of a Facebook Calcutta, India-based brothers L. Ron Hubbard has grown into tactics humorous, while others rorists’ with no legitimate issues without Scrabulous has Penn Jayant and Rajat Agarwalla. The an extremely dangerous cult. It’s believe it is childish.” On Janu- they are trying to bring up.” students divided. Some support online game was added to Face- going to take a lot of people get- ary 29, Google bomb techniques While the effort by Anonymous the application and say Hasbro book in June 2007 and now has ting angry about them to bring were implemented to make the seems substantial now, many do should use it as a marketing tool 2.3 million users, making it the them to justice, and the first step Scientology.org main website the not think it will last. Alexander for the board game, while oth- ninth most popular Facebook is getting the word out.” first result in a Google search for explained, “I think that ‘Anony- ers see merit in the lawsuit. application. On January 16, 2008, a video “dangerous cult.” Anonymous mous’ will be short lived any- College freshman Randall This is not the first time Has- was leaked to the Internet and claims their goal is “to enlighten way, their message and purpose Rosenberg said she would be bro has threatened to shut uploaded to YouTube was pro- the Church of Scientology (CoS) doesn’t have a deep enough fol- disappointed if the game were down an unauthorized game- duced by the Church of Scientol- by any means necessary.” lowing among the general public removed from Facebook. imitation Web site. In 2005, ogy and featured Tom Cruise. In In response to Anonymous’ to cause a revolution of thought. “One of my best friends from Hasbro sent a cease-and-desist the video, Cruise makes many attacks, the Church of Scientol- People will continue to not like home and I always used to play order to the popular Scrabble claims about the Church of Sci- ogy has hired a group to protect Scientology, and will continue to real Scrabble together,” Rosen- site e-scrabble.com. As of now, entology. He states that after their websites from attack. Yvette do nothing about it. Anonymous berg said. “And now she’s in Electronic Arts - a developer passing a car accident he knows Shank, a spokesperson for the will definitely resurge after they Boston and I’m here, so we have and distributor of online and that he, as a Scientologist, is the Church of Scientology stated that regroup, but I can’t see this issue ongoing games that we play on- computer games - controls the only one that can help and that she felt that Anonymous mem- going beyond this year.” line.” online rights to Scrabble. Laptop, from Page 1

Soon after the incident oc- safety record that the Office of curred, the Terre Haute Police Public Safety releases every year. Department became involved in Hayes was relieved, however, an attempt to capture the crimi- to cite the information that the nal. Procedures were followed, thief was not a Rose student, but and Detective David Thompson someone from the surrounding was assigned to this case. Ac- area. As a result of such a shock- cording to Detective Thompson, ing event, the institute assisted he showed Tom the photo lineup Tom with his laptop deductible of the pos- of $750. sible suspects. Now, while D e t e c t i v e this case goes T h o m p s o n on, the Office also received A blow to the of Public Safe- the video ty still records provided by open-door policy n u m e r o u s Rose-Hulman thefts across which accord- which we try so campus. These ing to him, “it hard to maintain. thefts vary in is a great video what was sto- that provided “ len, but fail to me with infor- vary much in mation valu- the value per able to the volume. These case.” As for the on-going inves- items range from laptop comput- tigation, he said that he has been ers to iPhones and along with the able to narrow the possibilities to variety in items, they vary in loca- a few suspects. tion, from Percopo to off-campus Rose’s response to this incident at” the Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity was one of great remorse. Erik house on dates from November Hayes found the experience to be 30, 2007 to January 9, 2008. With “a blow to the open-door policy, current ongoing investigations, which we try so hard to main- if you know any information that tain.” Mr. Hayes also felt the ex- you might find useful, contact perience to be a blemish on what the Office of Public Safety at ex- has proven to be such a pristine tension 8590. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn

‘Rambo’ spills buckets of Ben CollinsAlbum reviews S t a f f W r i t e r blood, keeps shirt on In a fi rst time experience Evan Leroy snakes and blacksmithing until a torture and killings by the Bur- with a Radiohead album, “In FSView & Florida Flambeau group of Christian missionaries mese army. Stallone builds up Rainbows” had been hyped commission him to take them the gratuitous bloodshed by the enough online to make even In a student submission A lot of people die in Rambo. A up the river into Burma where army to such vicious extremes Rolling Stone blush at the sheer from Erin Parker, class of 2010, lot. the previous scene of grisly vio- that once Rambo starts getting word of mouth for this album. the second studio album from The fourth reincarnation of lence took place. his hands dirty the audience It’s been deemed the best re- Paramore, “Riot!”, an appropri- Sylvester Stallone’s ex-Green Be- You know the rest. The mis- cheers for the very same vio- viewed album of the year by ate title to the emotional brand ret spills more blood than the sionaries get captured and Ram- lence they were disgusted by 10 several sources and even had of punk music that Paramore three previous com- minutes prior. the catchy buy me gimmick of brings to the table. As the fi rst bined. This fi lm has Violence is all this being absolutely free. I wasn’t track plays, the general idea more violence than movie has. Once the one of those few to get this stun- of what the band represents is most fi lms known audience can’t take any ning deal but I did get it readily pretty clear; angst and juvenile principally for their more violence it switch- cheap from Amazon. With my rebellion, which would normal- gore. Hostel and Saw es hands and piles on limited experience with Radio- ly turn me off but the lead singer look like children’s bucket after bucket of head outside of “Karma Police”, is talented enough to draw me in fare compared to blood. I understand the group is quite (that and she’s just so damn hot). Stallone putting up There is nothing spe- original to say the least and was Going from track to track, the these kinds of num- cial here. Stallone and Art expecting almost anything. music stays pretty consistent, bers. Monterastelli’s script has What I got was something truly not showing a lot beyond power During the most little dialogue and when amazing; the hype was right, chords and what would feel like violent scene - the fi - characters do speak no- this is an amazing album. It’s a less than inventive bass line so nal fi ght in the jungle body listens, they just not that the music isn’t weird, the big thing that kept me listen- when Rambo hops wait for more blood. it defi nitely has a bit of oddity ing was the power of the singer. www.beyondhollywood.com behind the turret and There might as well be to it, but it doesn’t overwhelm Hayley sings and writes sin- unloads round after This is honestly the most clothing I have ever seen on Rambo. no other English speak- you with the fact that it is an cerely and it shows; the songs all round into hundreds He has SLEEVES for crying out loud. ing actors in the fi lm oddity. It’s just music that’s not centralize around rather cliché of Burmese baddies - I overheard bo has to revert to the ways that because only a select few of the trying to be anything but itself. themes but they work in the way a person behind me saying, “This made him famous and rescue handful of people in the fi lm The lyrics present an interest- she lays it down. Two songs that is what we paid for,” and that’s ab- them while brutally slaughtering are likable, let alone watchable. ing dimension to songs like “15 really stood out for me to show solutely true. anyone stupid enough to tor- Rambo, the most identifi able Steps” and “Weird Fishes” but off the band’s ability were the The fi lm opens with clips of ture somebody who knows John character, is brooding, seasoned what I love about this album is opening track “For a Pessimist, news programs of the actual Rambo. and hard on the world while talk- the superb guitar work. Even if I’m pretty optimistic”, a rolling violence going on in Burma and Rambo kills Burmese bad guys ing out of the side of his mouth. you’re not a Radiohead fan (i.e. start with some great low range then recreates it in a gruesome with a bow and arrow, mounted Rambo is not special. It’s not you don’t like the lead singer) vocals from Hayley and “Crush- torture scene involving clay- guns, automatic guns, hand gre- different, and it’s not very good the music in itself is something crushcrush”, a nice low note to mores. nades, knives, claymores, his on an artistic level. However, it amazing. This has all due right the high tension of the rest of The audience then fi nds their bare hands and, yes, even an maintains the awesomeness and to be labeled not only one of the album. A decent album that old, now wrinkled friend John atomic bomb (which he runs parade fans of the series have the best albums of the year but is easy to listen to and shows Rambo in Thailand. Rambo has away from). come to expect from their favor- is one of those truly memorable that Paramore is a band to look seceded into the jungle, leaving The film begins with violence ite ex-Green Beret. It is chock full classics of alternative rock. out for. behind his old complicated life that is real then shifts to vio- of violence and death (236 to be Offi cial Thorn rating: 5 elephants Offi cial Thorn rating: 3 elephants of killing on instinct, for a much lence that could be real and that exact), and that’s how Rambo more timid one of capturing looks real in the form of brutal and his fans like it.

AM-RoseHulman-10x8-Car.indd 1 1/25/08 11:14:03 AM Friday, Febuary 1, 2008 LIVING 5 Perform a protest raid Whisk Witchery Emma Caroll like a pro Staff Writer 1 pound ground beef 2 packages (3 ounces each) Christine Price stead, talk about the mysterious what the local laws are concern- This week we are going to try Oriental ramen noodles, Staff Writer deaths connected with Scien- ing you protests, and such. something a bit more oriental, crumbled tology. Get people interested Get prepared. Create signs. due to the quickly approaching 2-1/2 cups water As an American you have the in researching Operation Snow Get flyers to hand out. Like giv- lunar New Year. While not com- 2 cups frozen broccoli right to free speech and the civic White, which was the single ing a speech, tailor your mes- pletely traditional, the following stir-fry vegetable blend duty to exercise it. This article is largest infiltration of the United sage to your audience. See recipe is a simple, inexpensive, 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger to teach you how to protest, be- States government to date, and somebody wearing a cross? and tasty stir-fry. Stir-fry reci- 2 tablespoons thinly cause if you are going to teach was carried out by up to 5,000 Give them a flyer explaining pes translate to tasty one-dish sliced green onion how to exercise free speech, Scientologists. Or Operation how L. Ron Hubbard said Jesus meals that are long on flavor, you might as well pick the most Freakout, in which the Co$ at- was a pedophile. See a person but short on prep time, cost, Directions: extreme example. And, for the tempted to have a Paulette Coo- that can vote? Tell them about and cleanup. This light, color- sake of example, this article is per arrested or put in a mental how the church doesn’t pay ful favorite takes only five in- In a large skillet, cook beef about how to protest against the institution for publishing a book taxes. See a kid? Inform them gredients—yes only 5! And all over medium heat for 4-5 min- Church of Scientology. critical of Scientology. You want of the absurd beliefs of the Co$. of which you’re likely to have on utes or until no longer pink; Decide upon your goals. In to spread facts that people don’t And so on. hand…well the ramen noodles drain. Add the contents of one the war against Scientology, the already know (The Co$ is evil), Don’t be violent. The world at the very least! I suggest serv- ramen noodle flavoring packet; biggest weapon is information. there’s little point in spreading likes non violent protestors. ing with a dash of soy sauce and stir until dissolved. Most Americans simply view already common knowledge Ghandi. MLK. a side of pineapple slices. Or if Remove beef and keep warm. the Church of Scientology (Co$) (the Co$ has strange beliefs). Don’t get on camera. There you don’t like beef you can try In the same skillet, combine simply as a crazy religion for ce- Get others involved. A rally is the potential for real danger ground turkey instead. the water, vegetables, ginger, lebrities, instead of an evil, well of one is the same as a rally of here. Wear a large scarf. Sun- noodles, and contents of the re- funded cult that destroys both none. Either have a real life glasses. A hat. Don’t walk di- Asian Beef with Noodles maining flavoring packet. Bring individuals and families. So, the meeting, or set up a site like rectly to your car; if they know to a boil. Reduce heat; cover goal is to spread information. http://harbl.wetfish.net/cosplay/ your license plate, they can find Yield: 4 servings and simmer for 3-4 minutes or Figure out your message. which makes it easy for interest- you. This is not the case for all Prep Time: 5 minutes until noodles are tender, stir- While it is true that the higher- ed people to discuss the event. protests; for other causes you Cook Time: 15 minutes ring occasionally. Return beef up Scientologist believes that Get the police on your side. will want people to see you, to Total: 20 minutes to the pan; cook for 2-3 minutes the evil alien lord Xenu killed It is often good form to inform realize you are a person just like or until heated through. Stir in millions via earth volcanoes, the authorities of your protest. them. Those causes don’t have Ingredients: onion. this interesting tidbit does They may even help you by tell- millions of dollars in funding little to further the cause. In- ing where public property is, from Hollywood. The naked roommate Elliot Simon showering. Pick your poison, the Guest Writer room that no one enters for fear of mass desertion of their olfactory Of all the varied facets of col- senses, or the poor soul who forgot lege life, the most unpredictable to grab a towel before jumping in aspect is the one that you live with. the shower. Whether it’s a late-night rock ses- On the same note, beverage sion on “Rock Band“ (drums and preference has a significant impact vocals included) the night before on rooming conditions. Indeed, the big test or an admiration of your finely chilled beverages are alternative forms of art, the chal- a sure way to a fun time. Just bear lenges of living with and discover- in mind, garbage in, garbage out. ing the various quirks, habits and Include in that the general effect practices of someone you thought of chilled beverages on the mental you knew last year when you faculties of said roommate, and the signed on are diverse. fact that, while it may be cool when To start, con- you don’t have sider that idea, to deal with it, the “perfect Just wait un- it’s your floor, room.” Disil- and when you lusion your- til you hear the wake up the self. Your “rad” next morning hangings, your heavy thump of and get out throw pillows, of bed, you your posters Eurobeat and would much idolizing long- rather feel the dead perform-“watch the per- soft, warm ers, all of which carpet under are very chic for formance of your your feet. sure, can all be Finally, art easily nullified roommate on air choices and by whomever extracurricu- shares the same drums. lar activities. space. Those ”While you sand and ocean may enjoy a sheets, coupled with the bed skirt nice Monet and discussing relativ- and color-matched throw pillows ity with the Physics Department look great now, but wait until you head over a nice cool glass of lem- see the black and grey abomina- onade, your roommate may be in- tion that was just dragged through terested in other pursuits, such as the door. Enjoying some soft jazz ones that move and talk and have to calm a bad case of nerves for nudity. By far the best time to learn that big project due next week? to think on your feet is when you Just wait until you hear the heavy return early from that late-night thump of Eurobeat and watch the study session and find a darkened performance of your roommate room and more than one pair of on air drums. feet from under the covers on the While this is all just a mat- opposite side of the room. ter of personal preference, there Bearing all this in mind, your are some other preferences that roommate is the best friend you should be given heed before blind- will have all year. Nothing says ly grabbing the nearest living body “bonding experience” like a 3 A.M. for a roommate. Indeed, each in- Taco Bell run. In the search for the dividual’s stance on the following perfect roommate, take an abun- matters will be personal, however dance of patience, a couple chilled take note. Your roommate comes beverages and a good pair of ear- back to your room after showering. plugs (and possibly a sleep mask, Or stays in your room rather than depending on your schedule). 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Time for change seriously. Mark Minster Ryan Schultz News Editor I admit: this column hasn’t been think. funny for a couple of weeks. Sometimes my students’ cell Ladies and gentlemen of the So, to try and remedy the situa- phones ring in the middle of lec- Rose-Hulman community, allow tion, let me confess that I am head- ture. My general policy is that if me, if you will, to present a mod- over-teakettle, Romo-in-Cabo, your phone rings in class, I reserve est proposal. Slow down when Brady-in-a-boot, Limbaugh-and- the right to mock you mercilessly. driving through campus. “Well OxyContin-sittin’-in-a-tree in One guy’s rang once and I said, Ryan,” you say, “I happen to have love with the grand literary genre “Hiya, pookie-bear! No, you’re a a copy of The Rose Thorn from known as the Mom Joke, a.k.a., sweet rose-petal dewdrop love- two years ago and, in it, you write “Your Mom,” or “Yo’ Momma.” muffin!” Then I made kissy sounds. about slowing down. Why the re- Nothing against the Dad Joke. Turns out it was his mother. An- peat? Repeats are for lamewads.” But my dad laughs when we crack other time I said, “I swear, Mom, I Well, then, I am a lamewad. jokes about him, whereas my mom changed my underwear last week.” You see ladies and gentlemen, gets red and throws things. And Turns out it was his mother. Prob- it came to my attention that some that’s just fun to see. ably the best time was when a stu- of us on this campus believe that Besides, you can’t say “Your dent’s phone rang—let’s call him the cars we drive are The Excre- Daddy’s so fat” if you’re an Ameri- Jeff Kenny—and I said, “Kenny, if ment (we can’t print the real ver- can, because, duh. American + that’s your mother, tell her I’ll call sion). If you’re really that proud Dad = Fat. her back.” of your Ford Pinto, then more http://backend.ewock.com/jamesluke/images/HPIM0652%20(760%20x%20570).jpg I do shy away from the “Your (The humor in the situation, power to ya brother, but you need Momma’s so fat” species of the ge- in case this needs explaining, de- Speeds humps — slowing traffic one bump at a time. professional help. nus Mom Joke. For one, my mom- rives from the implication that I But I digress. ma is, in fact, a little large. (Get it had more intimate knowledge of Last Friday, I was nearly flat- first saw the street behind Dem- awesome new concrete staircase out of your system. his mother than was either true tened by something black – I ing, I didn’t think anything of it. behind Deming. And, of course, I … or appropriate, and that she was couldn’t tell the make it was go- I thought, “people at Rose are would paint the top of the humps Let me know when you’re more persistent than either he or ing so fast. Monday morning I smart enough to recognize the like crosswalks to make it stupidly ready.) I appreciated.) was nearly impaled by a garbage residential nature of this road obvious what their dual purposes More importantly, as an aficio- My shining moment in the truck. Monday afternoon a Maz- and slow down.” Silly me. Ap- are. Oh, and warning signs are nado, I’m disturbed by the Mom world of the Mom Joke came in da came, Wankel-whining-tires- parently I was too naïve (or may- a must. Joke that’s too easy. divinity school, when we were screeching around the bend, be just wrong?) because some of I know, you know, we all know See, right here, here’s an op- learning about mercantilism and apparently determined to take you drive pants-on-head retard- that these inexpensive additions portunity for two Mom Jokes: (1) the Reformation. The Dutch were me out at the knees. Monday edly fast. would curb (pun intended, haha) “Easy? You know who’s too easy?” amazing capitalists. In fact, our evening I was nearly pancaked by So, I propose this solution. the speeding problem on cam- which is kind of obvious; and (2) distinguished professor told us, a Jeep. In other words, Monday Facilities and Public Safety, I’m pus. Why they aren’t in place “Disturbed? I know someone the Dutch were such great trad- was a bad day. going to need some help here. I yet, I don’t know; I figure that’s who’s disturbed,” which is subtler ers that British people referred to Now, you might say to me, don’t think that we’ll be able to between the Administration and and isn’t up to its knees in the gut- them, the whole nation, as “Mer- “Ryan, do you find yourself in this close the street to the SRC (al- their God. A quick Google search ter (special bonus points if you’re chants of the Channel.” I leaned position because you don’t look though the Rumor Mill says that’s turned up a recycled rubber mod- thinking, “on its knees in the gut- over to my friend Jon—he’s Dutch, before you cross the street?” To a possibility, so keep working on el that would set the school back ter? You mean like your mom?”). an Episcopal priest now, and this which my response would be but that)…so we’ll have to go for a a massive…wait for it…$200. I Mom Jokes are best when they story still cracks him up—and a hearty chuckle and small disap- more fun route. I propose the in- mean, we’re talking bank-break- come piled on top of each other. I said, “Merchant of the Chan- proving nod, for I always look be- stallation of not one, not two, but ing here. (I’ll give you a second here to make nel. Isn’t that what they call your fore I cross the street (I even look three speed humps. For those You know what? Maybe I’ll up your own.) They’re best when mom?” before I cross through a parking of you not in the know, a speed just go ahead and buy them. they’re traded back and forth, My arm was bruised for days lot…I’m cautious). hump is a trapezoidal piece of Seems the Money is just about over and over. (Seriously, though. where he punched me. But I But was Monday really that pavement about a car length the only thing that gets any- You’ve got to draw the line.) And played it off like it was nothing. bad of a day? Looking back over long that rises to about bumper thing done around here. Yep, they’re best when you can insult “You punch like a preacher,” I said. the past month or so, I can recall height – literally, a decent sized Administration don’t you worry someone’s dear mum without “Your mom must have taught you a number of instances of irre- hump in the road that if you don’t about it. I’ll go ahead and buy their even realizing it. Try ragging how.” sponsibly fast driving that nearly slow down to like, oh, 10 mph, it three speed humps. Me and on your sister’s mom, for instance. “That’s funny,” Jon said. “Your ended very badly – sometimes it will cream the crap out of your some buddies’ll install them for She’ll tell you you’re an idiot, sure. mom taught me something very was between classes, and some- undercarriage. free. Only stipend, each warn- But it will really make her stop to different.” times it wasn’t. I would put these humps in the ing sign contains the phrase I remember telling my parents following locations. 1) The cross- “Speed Humps Brought to You when I was searching for a school walk near the Chi-O apartment. By That-Kid-You-Would-Have- Last chance to give us your opinion this quarter! four years ago that I didn’t want 2) The crosswalk near that weird Killed-Had-These-Not-Been- to go to one where I had to cross red-fruit-dropping-tree. 3) The Here-Because-You-Don’t-Know- e-mail: [email protected] a street to get to class. When I crosswalk at the bottom of that What-A-Responsible-Speed-Is.” Congrats on your boost, I guess... John Pinkus page summary of their lives, suggest that clubs or organiza- about this word. In my opinion, zation? Unless you can give a S t a f f W r i t e r albeit a very cleverly crafted tions shouldn’t have officers in leadership is an ability to affect list of changes that you brought one-page summary. In these the first place. Anarchy is sort the actions of others by your about to your organization dur- That stretch between the meetings, these individuals are of a silly concept; there has to own actions. With that word ing your tenure, you can’t claim “Jeezy Crezzy” break and the “It voluntarily attempting to in- be a person to run meetings, a defined, the majority of these to be like Mr. George Bailey. Is Still Winter” break is notorious crease the practically unwar- person to collect money, a per- officers that are currently be- Even if you can claim a Baileioan for a multitude of reasons. It is ranted activity of an exclusively son to plan events . . . The main ing elected are simply task ac- importance, how much of that a strange brew of apathy, sweat- extracurricular variety. topic I would like to address in complishers. At least half of the difference was only due to your ers, downtrodden behavior, Now, I am not arguing about this medium is the reason why a positions simply exist in order efforts? For, if all the changes ice scraping, complaints about the placement of elections for person would run for an elected to perpetuate their existence. brought to your organization the non-uniformity of weather, our various organizations. It position at this school. There we go. If you are an of- were only due to your direct sleep deprivation, and nostal- provides an The first and ficer that doesn’t affect the ac- efforts, then you are simply a gia for snow days of yesteryear. opportunity most common tions of others, then you are not task accomplisher. (Though, it With the exception of the fi- to let the new reason I have gaining leadership experience. should be noted, that a person nal two weeks of classes dur- guard learn If you are an of- heard to run If this is true for yourself, all you can affect the actions of others ing Spring Quarter, there isn’t a from the old for an office is are doing is creating additional and not bring about changes point in the academic calendar guard, while ficer that doesn’t to add “lead- tasks to accomplish. to an organization.) They are where we don’t want to reside in said old guard ership experi- I am sure if you are still read- gaining a type of leadership this higher ground. That being still can visit affect the ac- ence” to your ing this article you are thinking experience, one that promotes said, our predecessors, in their daily. If elec- résumé. What about the offices that you held complacency and discourages infallible wisdom, decided this tions were tions of others, exactly does the (or are currently holding), and ingenuity, a type of leader in was the time when we held spe- later in the term “leader- the validity of them. In order to which the identity of the leader cial little meetings in our vari- year, then “ ship experience” determine if you held a leader- is inconsequential to the orga- then you are not ous organizations. For, in the my fellow se- mean? Although ship role or simply accomplish nization. If you have gotten to midst of the most depressing niors might gaining leader- I haven’t passed additional tasks, ask yourself this point, you are probably ex- time of the year, we determine have to be a the bar, experi- the following question: if you pecting some grandiose finish. who will receive yet another hit little more ship experience. ence is a simple wouldn’t have held the position, Well this is my best attempt at when they Google themselves. responsible. word to define. how much different would the it. Leadership experience isn’t These fresh additions to the It is us, the However, what organization currently be,” also something that is guaranteed Rose-Hulman Institute of Tech- apparent sur- is this leadership known as “the ‘It’s a Wonderful because you win an election; nology website will first address vivors, who understand that word all about? If you enter this Life’ test.” Assuming compe- the only way to truly lead others a group of like-minded individ- our ability to be irresponsible term into Google, you will get tence of the person who would is due to your own efforts. Out- uals in these special meetings for extended periods of time 150 million hits, with 62.5 mil- have held the position beside standing success in this aspect for an extended period time to is rapidly losing its usefulness. ”lion results as the title of a book. yourself, would things be dras- of life is a rarity, but so is every- increase the substance of a one- Furthermore, I am not trying to Obviously, we seem to care a lot tically different in your organi- thing else. Friday, February 1, 2008 SPORTS 7 Athlete of the Week Engineer Scoreboard Men’s Basketball Women’s Basketball answer some questions for the major bonus. Thorn. 9-10 (5-5) 9-10 (5-5) RT: What’s the most meaningful Rose Thorn: How long have award/recognition that you’ve January 26 January 26 you been wrestling? received? Rose-Hulman 63 Rose-Hulman 61 Tyler Goble: I have been wres- TG: The most meaningful award at Bluffton University 60 at Bluffton University 58 tling since I was 5 years old. So of my college career would have I guess that makes this my 15th to be setting the single season January 30 January 30 year wrestling. record here at Rose-Hulman as a Franklin College 71 Rose-Hulman 54 freshman. RT: What is your most memo- at Rose-Hulman 77 at Franklin College 45 rable match? RT: How has participating in a TG: I would have to say my most varsity sport had an effect on memorable match occurred your experience at Rose? Rifl e Picture by Rose-Hulman News in high school my senior year, TG: Being a varsity athlete at January 25 when I broke the record for the Rose has helped me keep my pri- Withrow Invitational 10th of 16 teams most career wins in Monroe orities in line. I have been able Tim Boyer Murray, KY County. It was something that to stay focused during the wres- Staff Writer I will remember forever, and is tling season and continue to get one of my many major accom- all of my school work done, and January 27 Undoubtedly one of the best plishments. maintain my grades. Also, I think University of Tennessee at Martin 2nd place wrestlers to come through Rose- there are many leadership and Martin, TN Hulman, Tyler Goble stands at RT: You’re obviously a very teamwork skills, which a varsity 67-25 so far in his college ca- good wrestler based on your sport can prepare you for, that Wrestling reer. With his impressive record, record. Were you offered any the class room cannot. Wrestling January 26 he stands in fi fth place with the opportunities to wrestle at a has been able to do that for me. Monon Bell Classic 3-1 Dual Mark most career wins and third in school with a bigger program Crawfordsville, IN school history with his winning when you were applying to RT: Do you have any plans on percentage of 0.728. Of the 67 colleges? staying involved in wrestling wins, 30 of them came in 2006, TG: When applying for schools, after Rose? Track and Field earning him the single season I only applied to Rose –Hulman, TG: After leaving Rose, I would January 26 record for wins. He was also was so I didn’t really even put my still like to be involved in wres- Engineer Invitational M-2nd W-6th Midstates Wrestling Conference name out there to go to any oth- tling, but probably not as a com- Terre Haute, IN Champion in 2007 and is a two- er schools. I was mainly focused petitor. I would like to begin time HCAC Wrestler of the Week. on academics, and the fact that coaching, most likely at the high Tyler recently took some time to Rose had a wrestling team was a school level. Swimming and Diving January 26 University of Evansville M-2nd W-2nd Clutch! OT wins for Evansville, IN January 30 DePauw University M-2nd W-2nd men and women Greencastle, IN Tim Boyer points, shooting an impressive point of her career. Floyd is the Staff Writer 10-13 from the fi eld. seventh lady engineer to achieve Last Saturday, as the women this feat. Also, very notable would First it happened with the passed the 6:42 mark, they found be freshman Donna Marsh’s 50th women this past Saturday at themselves 11 points in the hole. block of the season, setting a new Bluffton. Julie Hart hit the clutch The Lady Engineers proceeded record for the program. PRESENTING 3-point fi eld goal with 8.3 sec- to outscore the Beavers over the onds remaining to force overtime next six minutes bringing them- BALLYHOO PIZZA KING—ROSE HULMAN and eventually come away with selves within 3 with only 21 sec- the win. Then, on Wednesday onds remaining. In the following FLOOR WARS night against Franklin, it was déjà play, Rose had planned to get the vu. Ron George pulled the trigger ball to Jill Floyd for the 3-point It’s Simple! and swished a three, leaving only attempt. During the course of Order LOTS of Ballyhoo Pizza King Pizza, Get a single second on the clock. The the play, the ball ended up get- FREE men also dominated the over- ting to Julie Hart who had to take PIZZA for your Floor!! time period and came away with the shot as time was running out. See your R A for details. the win after the extra fi ve min- Hart hit the fi eld goal with only utes. 8.3 seconds remaining to force In both cases, in the minutes the overtime. ROSE HULMAN FLOOR WARS SPECIAL leading up to these clutch shots, On the women’s side from Rose came back from signifi cant Wednesday’s game at Franklin, defi cits. For the men, they came two milestones were passed. En- Large 1 Topping Pizza back from being down by seven tering the game, Jill Floyd had 997 $6.99 each points with only 3:37 remaining career points. During the course ONLY $5.99 ea. if you order 2 or more!!! in the second period. Overall, of the game, she only dropped Isaac Sachs / Rose Thorn Ron George led the scoring with one basket from the outside of Senior Ron George had 31 points in an impressive and career high 31 the arc, earning her the 1,000th the win against Franklin. CALL: 232-3423 Ballyhoo Pizza King Engineers strong at 2405 Poplar Street Monon Bell Duals

Rose-Hulman News day with a 28-21 victory over Wilmington College in the fi rst Rose-Hulman freshman Na- match. Ridgley, freshman Chris than Ridgley tallied a 3-1 record Duncan and sophomore Greg and the Engineers earned their Williams each earned forfeit vic- fi rst duel win of the season at the tories for 18 of the team’s points. Wabash College Monon Bell Du- Junior Ryan Schalk pinned Tim als on Saturday. Dettwiler of Wilmington at 2:40 Ridgley earned a 3-2 victory for a key win in the dual match. Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large at 133 pounds against Lincoln Junior Tyler Goble clinched the One-Topping Store Hours... One-Topping University and took advantage team win with a 10-1 victory at Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am of a pair of forfeits to lead the 165 pounds. Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am Engineer efforts and improve his Rose-Hulman returns to action 99 Sunday: 12pm - 12am 99 overall record to 7-7. at the prestigious Wheaton Col- Campus Only Campus Only The Engineers highlighted the lege Invitational next weekend. 9 232-PAPA ONLY 7 8 FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn Terry Saw- What are we doing with our Facial Hair This day... 1970: chuk, goalie Thomas Edi- for the New York Rangers, 1893: son estab- earned his 103rd shutout, a February? lishes the world’s first movie record that still stands to this Aaron Meles - Pepto-Bismol Addict studio which used the sun day. He also holds the record for a light source. His later for the most teeth lost by any works included “A Lightbulb professional hockey player. Named Desire,” “Sleepless in Detroit,” “I Hate Tesla,” and Tonya Har- “The Shining.” 1994: ding’s Ex- Husband Jeff Gillooly pleads C a n a d a ’ s guilty for his role in the attack 1968: three military on rival figure skater Nancy branches are unified into Kerrigan, bringing the defini- the Canadian Forces, a move tion of the word “whipped” that was unpopular with all to a whole new level. three of Canada’s service- men. ...in history The majestic creatures of the ARA Ryan Schultz oring, dark circles around its eyes, News Guy who and generally wears pajama pants. writes too much Sleepys are most active during the weekend meals and, surprisingly, he ARA is a starkly untamed during dinner on any weekday. Be wilderness, wild with crea- wary though, Sleepys can be dan- Top Ten Ttures of all shapes and sizes gerously cranky. +3 points Wacky serving their purpose in the deli- Rules for P cate ecosystem. For your educa- Sickly – Warning! Although a ro tion, THE FLIPSIDE is providing Sickly may look like a Sleepy from a Facial Hair Q the following field guide (and han- distance, the crucial difference be- uote f “Other students are miss- s dy sight-seeing score tabulator) for comes readily apparent up close… your edumification. Keep a bottle of hand disinfectant February ing, I hope they are sick” at the ready. -2 points — Dr. Radu commenting “Sorry I’m late today guys, Rushed – This creature has Aaron Meles on class attendance I was shutting down my little time and is therefore difficult Chef – This personality can Scruff Evaluator computer and got one to spot amongst the herd’s speedy be difficult to distinguish from the of those ‘Now installing grazing pattern. Look for the eat- Sloth, but the difference is appar- To be eligible, you must shave “Sandwich Theorem for update #1 of 14...bazil- ing, if there’s food on the face, ent once you spot its heaping plate with a straight razor on or af- Sequences is like when lion.’ Then it got stuck on bingo! Tag ‘em and bag ‘em! +2 of seemingly unrelated food mas- ter midnight on February 1st. the lower piece of bread #3 for the past 6 hours.” points terfully transform into a delicious Those with intact jugulars may goes to your mouth and —Dr. Anthony for whom feast. +15 points continue to number nine. the higher piece of bread telling time never has Bassackwards – This con- No hair growth products such goes to your mouth, so made much sense fused beast doesn’t understand Shouter – All herds must as Rogaine are allowed, but vig- does the cheese.” — Dr. which way to turn when it’s fin- have a dominant member…and orous rubbing of the face and Dziubek on how tasty se- “It was a onetime thing; I was ished gathering its foodstuffs and the Shouter isn’t it. But, this neck in public places is encour- quences can be really drunk... Wait, what always turns so that it bumps into grazer thinks it is. Its calls can aged. was I talking about?” the creature behind it, inevitably easily be heard across the feeding Men and women with testos- “You can see the lovely boo- —Dr. Mike DeVasher, who resulting in a disastrous spill. Lis- grounds, causing distress in the terone levels in the 95th per- bies on display…maybe might still be ten for the crash. +4 points other grazers. Notice how they all centile are not eligible for Facial give them a feel.” — Dr. turn to look and scatter from its Hair February. Inlow, just itching for a “I don’t like when you do Spread – Spreads are fa- presence. But the Shouter con- While shaving of the neck for sexual harassment suit. math in your heads. mous for taking up more space tinues to assert its dominance! comfort reasons is allowed, you That’s what calculators than needed to eat. Generally, it’s +1 point will not be eligible to win the “It wasn’t on purpose, it was are for.” — Dr. Berry, with elbows, but pretty much any “Chauncey Rose Memorial Tro- just designed that way.” changing the rules. appendage works. You’ll want to Peppermint – Of all mag- phy of Neck Beard Excellence” — Dr. Vaughen trying to keep your distance from a Spread, nificent creatures in the ARA at the conclusion of the month confuse his students…. but it’s not like you’ll have a choice! feeding grounds, she is the rarest. +2 points She is a maneater – toned and trim and looking for fresh meat. Chaw – Chaws are famous for Too bad she’s at Rose where the chewing with their mouths wide odds are good but the goods are Be aware of hairy situations open, lips smackin’, food dribblin’ odd. +30 points out, the whole nine yards. That James Zhou ing from the weekly Friday night Mustaches are also rather popu- this behavioral pattern still ex- Cutter – The specimen can’t M i s q u o t e r drunken orgy. However, since lar, as busy students often miss ists in this particular herd is quite seem to understand the grazing Extraordinaire that happens every quarter, I’ll dinner to work on their projects surprising considering the ages of pattern and continuously inserts be covering something new and and must make do with what- these specimens. +10 points itself at the beginning of a line in- y original assignment interesting, facial hair February. ever food particles that got stuck stead of the end, frustrating and was to cover the co- Some may point out that event to their upper lip during lunch. Reacher – The Reacher is irritating other members of the Mmedian who would is a yearly occurrence. Since I do Those who oppose the main- blessed with long arms and gen- herd. The Cutter oftentimes is a be responsible for ending the not recall seeing any more exces- stream have planned to com- erally great height. The Reacher crossbreed with the Shouter. +3 months of a million laughs, pre- sively hairy people than usual last pletely remove all facial hair to doesn’t wait for the grazer ahead points sumably with something sad like February and people are known protest against… something…; of it to finish gathering foodstuffs. an injured kitten or a grown man to lie frequently, I will go ahead I’m not sure what exactly they Nope, it just reaches right in, a Prospey – If you’re able to making silly jokes. Although I and add them to my list of things are protesting against now, but I bumpin’ and a spillin’. +5 points sight this particular specimen did attend, I have no memory of to ignore. expect it to be something about keep a keen eye for its parents that event since I went off to the There are many different healthcare, incompetent presi- Sloth – This cute little guy is close in tow. Count yourself weekly Friday night drunken orgy styles of facial hair. Some go for dential candidates, children, most noted for its inability to eat lucky, because this fella is the true right afterwards. Luckily, my edi- the classic beard to demonstrate distributing other people’s mon- quickly. Other grazers laugh as king of this jungle. Notice how tor decided that there are many wisdom, patience, serenity, and ey, or the environment. Anyway, they eat its food. +4 points all other grazers give it the most other more serious and important the ability to avoid mono since I will not participating in this room, leave it alone, and it gets things to cover. Such as the blood no one would be willing to kiss event because the last time I Sleepy – This characteriza- the best service! Bonus points if drive, where our students can them. Others go for the bush- tried to grow facial hair, ninjas tion is actually a subspecies of The the Prospey is being led by one of donate the blood that will even- man style, boasting an unkempt mistook me for the grandmaster Sloth. Both can be equally slow, the more common variety of ARA tually be transfused back into mane useful for frightening of the white lotus order and as- but the Sleepy has flamboyant col- eaters. +5 points them after misadventures result- other males off their lab station. sassinated my GPA.

Have you ever actually read some of the spam that sneaks through Rose’s spam ﬁlter? It’s pretty whack. If you like the spiffy layout, this page was done by Ryan Schultz. If you don’t, it was done by Matt Melton. I think it would be hilarious to lake somebody when the lake’s frozen solid. Ouch. No material on this page is unattributed because I actually watch out for that crap. This is a humor page…get over it. If you’re offended, we’re really not that sorry. Well, OK, maybe we are. Just a little. I’m just kidding. But not really. God Speed John Glenn.