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Currere, Illness, and Motherhood: a Dwelling Place for Examining the Self

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Currere, Illness, and Motherhood: a Dwelling Place for Examining the Self Georgia Southern University Digital Commons@Georgia Southern Electronic Theses and Dissertations Graduate Studies, Jack N. Averitt College of Spring 2011 Currere, Illness, and Motherhood: A Dwelling Place for Examining the Self Michelle C. Thompson Follow this and additional works at: https://digitalcommons.georgiasouthern.edu/etd Recommended Citation Thompson, Michelle C., "Currere, Illness, and Motherhood: A Dwelling Place for Examining the Self" (2011). Electronic Theses and Dissertations. 550. https://digitalcommons.georgiasouthern.edu/etd/550 This dissertation (open access) is brought to you for free and open access by the Graduate Studies, Jack N. Averitt College of at Digital Commons@Georgia Southern. It has been accepted for inclusion in Electronic Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of Digital Commons@Georgia Southern. For more information, please contact [email protected]. CURRERE, ILLNESS, AND MOTHERHOOD: A DWELLING PLACE FOR EXAMINING THE SELF by MICHELLE C. THOMPSON (Under the Direction of Marla Morris) ABSTRACT This dissertation is a pathography, my experience as a mother dwelling with illness which began because of my son‘s illness. The purpose of this dissertation is two-fold: to examine my Self as a mother dwelling with illness so that I may begin to work through repressed emotions and to further complicate the conversation begun by Marla Morris (2008) by illuminating the ill person‘s voice as one which is underrepresented in the canon. This dissertation is written autobiographically and analyzed psychoanalytically. The subjects of chaos, the Self, and motherhood are examined as they apply to my illness. In addition to psychoanalysis, this dissertation draws from illness narratives, pathographies, and other stories of illness as a way to collaborate voices within the illness community. INDEX WORDS: Curriculum studies, Pathography, Illness, Autobiography, Dwelling, Motherhood, Self, Chaos, Education, Memory, Other, Psychoanalysis, Good-enough, Currere 1 CURRERE, ILLNESS, AND MOTHERHOOD: A DWELLING PLACE FOR EXAMINING THE SELF by MICHELLE COX THOMPSON B.S., Georgia Southern University, 2000 M.S., Armstrong Atlantic State University, 2005 A Dissertation Submitted to the Graduate Faculty of Georgia Southern University in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirement for the Degree DOCTOR OF EDUCATION STATESBORO, GEORGIA 2011 2 © 2011 MICHELLE THOMPSON All Rights Reserved 3 CURRERE, ILLNESS, AND MOTHERHOOD: A DWELLING PLACE FOR EXAMINING THE SELF by MICHELLE COX THOMPSON Major Professor: Marla Morris Committee: Ming Fang He Delese Wear John Weaver Electronic Version Approved: May 2011 4 DEDICATION To Alex and Tyler, whose unwavering love and encouragement has given me strength. And to Bradley, who has opened my heart. 5 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Thank you to my husband, Alex, for believing in me and encouraging me throughout my educational journey. This dissertation and, more importantly, this time of self-exploration would not have been possible if not for your willingness to grant me the time to immerse myself in my work. The sacrifices you have made are immensely appreciated. Tyler and Bradley, thank you for helping me acknowledge the simple pleasures in life that are my source of happiness. Thank you for your patience and understanding, even when you did not want to be patient and you did not understand. Mommy is finished with her paper now----let‘s go outside and play. Thank you to my parents, Earl and Brenda Cox, and my ―other‖ parents, Gerry and Sharon Thompson, for your willingness to entertain my children so that I could be afforded the time to write. Thank you to Lisa Cox Grassi. I am blessed to call you my sister and best friend. Thank you for beginning this educational journey with me. Thank you to my committee for your support throughout this dissertation. Thank you to my chairperson, Marla Morris, for recognizing a valuable opportunity for self-inquiry and for believing that I have something significant to contribute to the conversation. Thank you for responding to my hundreds of emails over the past five years and for pushing me beyond my limits. Your guidance has enabled me to develop confidence in my writing. Thank you Ming Fang He for your encouragement to be passionate about my work. Your energy about the field of curriculum studies is inspiring. To Delese Wear, thank you for your insightful critiques and uplifting praise. You have pushed me to write in a clear and direct manner which I believe has made my work more meaningful. Thank you to John Weaver. You are an overflowing well of knowledge. I aspire to be as well-read as you so that I may have a mental library catalog as diverse as yours. 6 Thank you to Patra Rickman, my academic sister, for helping me through the dissertation process. I trust that our journey together has only just begun. Thank you to Lauren Evans. You have walked beside me throughout this entire journey and I am forever grateful. Your friendship is priceless. Thank you for the countless hours you have spent discussing raw content and helping to make my thoughts cohesive. Thank you, Era Hall, for being my companion on this journey of motherhood and illness. Thank you to Ronda Johnson, my high school English teacher, who always believed in my writing capabilities. I hope that my influence as a teacher can be as inspirational as yours. Thank you to Bill Reynolds for challenging me to examine the other side of the coin. It is largely due to your influence that I have come to appreciate the importance of politics. Thank you to my colleagues Rose Talbert and Andy Nissen who encourage me to be a better teacher. Thank you to my students, former and present, who I am certain have taught me as much, or more, than I have taught them. Your patience and encouragement throughout my dissertation writing has helped sustain me. 7 TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS……………………………………………………………………….6 CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………………………..11 A Heart is Broken………………………………………………………………………..13 Illness in Society and Education…………………………………………………………18 Drawing from the Stories of Others………………………………………...……………22 Curriculum Studies and Pathography……………………………………………………25 Introduction to the Chapters……………………………………………………………..30 2 WRITING FOR PLEASURE, WRITING THROUGH PAIN: THE VALUE OF PATHOGRAPHY………………………………………………………………………..34 Pathography as Autobiographical Inquiry……………………………………………….38 Personal Narrative and Pathography……………………………………………………..43 Pathography and the Method of Currere………………………………………………...49 Metaphors and Myths in Illness………………………………………………………….55 A Place and Time for Pathography………………………………………………………68 The Voice of Pathography……………………………………………………………….74 Community and Pathography……………………………………………………………81 3 ORDER IN DISORDER: FINDING MEANING IN A SYSTEM OF INCREASING ENTROPY……………………………………………………………………………….85 Broken Pieces…………………………………………………………………………….88 Chaos, Complexity, and Curriculum Studies…………………………………………….92 A Complex and Chaotic World…………………………………………………………..94 8 Alice in ―Chaos‖land…………………………………………………………………...104 Once Upon a Time……………………………………………………………………...108 In Synch………………………………………………………………………………...113 Stability in Chaos……………………………………………………………………….119 4 PRIVATE MATTERS IN A PUBLIC ARENA: A SELF-EXAMINATION……………….130 Archeology of the Self………………………………………………………………….133 The Self‘s ―Other‖ Language…………………………………………………………...139 Publically Exposing Private Matters……………………………………………………145 Competing Voices………………………………………………………………………150 Memories on a Mystic Writing Pad…………………………………………………….154 Bridging the Gap between the Known and Unknown………………………………….164 A New Beginning………………………………………………………………………170 5 DEFINING ―GOOD-ENOUGH‖: THE MOMMY DILEMMA…………………………...175 Home, Sweet Home……………………………………………………………………178 Roles of the Mother…………………………………………………………………….183 Good Enough…………………………………………………………………………...191 Psychoanalysis and Motherhood……………………………………………………….199 The Grieving Mother…………………………………………………………………...205 Drawing Strength from M/others……………………………………………………….212 6 ILLNESS, MOTHERHOOD, AND EDUCATION: REDEFINING ―NORMAL‖………...219 De/normalizing Illness………………………………………………………………….225 De/normalizing Motherhood……………………………………………………………232 De/normalizing Education……………………………………………………………...235 9 Searching the Self for Normalcy………………………………………………………..240 The Wholeness in Brokenness………………………………………………………….248 The End of the Beginning………………………………………………………………256 REFERENCES…………………………………………………………………………………263 10 CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION The baby is a storm threatening to dissolve, break down, drown barriers…A baby threatens to open one‟s heart. (Eigen, 2005, p. 35) [I]llness is an opportunity, though a dangerous one. To seize this opportunity I need to remain with illness a little longer and share what I have learned through it. (Frank, 1991, p. 1) I have always been mystified by storms. Some of my fondest memories as a child were watching the imposing storms evolve as they made their way across the Atlantic Ocean. The porch of my grandparents‘ beach front condominium offered the prime vantage point to analyze the churning waters in the ocean‘s cauldron. I felt defeated as I watched the sand castle I had spent hours constructing earlier in the afternoon instantly crumble beneath the weight of the consuming waves. The bright summer sky above me slowly faded as the heavens steadily pulled the thick, black blanket of clouds over my head. The sheet of rain moved in a line, first across the water, then to the sand, across the parking lot, and finally to where I was standing, slicing sideways
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