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Issue 923 - Weekly Friday 5th December 1997 NUS: We told you so 25% of Students who applied last year have not applied this year!” Claims National Union of Students’ Leader.

Photo: NUS Conference in mid debate

US research has revealed a NUS believe that it is this extra cost The NUS targeted MP’s, parents university will make no difference shocking drop in the num- that is scaring students off applying Steven Alexander and would-be students for direct to them, as they are the future rich Nber of students applying for university. The Government could then pass action against the fees proposals. and will be able to afford it. Here through UCAS for a university “Tuition fees are killing ambition the bill without fuss from the gener- The Independent on Sunday also got they forget that it is, in reality, very place this year. Figures show that and opportunity” claimed Douglas al public, who will be bored of the involved, using its well muscled difficult for university graduates to the entries to each university are Trainer, NUS president, in a recent NUS’s whining. bandwagon-leaping legs to carry an get a job, especially after their num- down on this time last year, with the Press release to student newspapers. Also damaging to the NUS case is exclusive feature. It showed the edi- bers swelled when polytechnics lowest drop being 3% at Hull and “We believe the statistics show the the scope of the statistics. There will tor-relievingly long NUS poll in converted to universities. Their are the largest being 26.5% at Salford. nightmare of reality - whatever par- naturally be a fall in applications full, and gave the story the front now too many graduates chasing too The usual mid-November flood of liamentarians say, would-be stu- now, as many students cancelled page, plus a leader, and a full page few jobs for the Governments logic applicants who want to get an early dents are turning off higher educa- their gap year plans and applied article. They will not give it that to make sense. place through the UCAS scheme tion.” early last year, to avoid having to much coverage again until well after Students have a mixed perception in has apparently turned into a trickle. However, close analysis of the sta- pay fees in their first year. Also, the bill is passed. the public eye. This is fair enough, The root cause of the problem, tistics released by the NUS reveals a there are large variations from year The tuition fee program was pro- as students are as mixed as the rest claims the NUS, is the introduction more alarming story. It is clear from to year in the time of year that stu- posed on the basis that the of the public. Some people perceive of tuition fees across the board for their actions that the NUS has been dents choose to apply to UCAS. If Government should not have to us as the future, as the people who students. Tuition fees could add trying to stamp on the first reading the statistics eventually level out as invest in a student’s education, as it will take over and provide prosperi- more than £1,000 to the bills of stu- of the bill proposing the fees, which more students get round to applying, is the student alone who actually ty in years to come. But it is easy for dents at university but could creep went ahead on 27th November. it would prove the NUS wrong. benefits from being educated. others, who believe students are beyond the £2,000 pound bracket, They have put their efforts into a People will lose faith in the cam- However, this ignores the economic mere parasites, to point their finger as vice-chancellors have free hand large campaign now, but the bill still paign against tuition fees and the benefits that well educated students at us and make us pay fees. When to add “top-up” fees. Many people has to go through two more readings Government will win again. bring to the country. The our National Union is setting itself here at Surrey would be happy to and scrutiny by committee before it This week was designated a week of Government backs their argument up to fail in saving us from these pay these “top-up” fees, if they were is passed. In acting this early, it is action, with local activities and up by saying that university gradu- people, there is very little we can do used to ensure adequate fire protec- possible that the NUS could induce national media coverage to draw ates find it easier to get high paid to protect ourselves. Time to get tion in all the courts. However, the a premature peak in public interest. attention to the perceived problem. jobs. Therefore, charging them at another part-time job, I think.

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sports 11 . ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Friday 5th December 1997 n The news in brief No more student Feel the noise night? he Students’ Union Club announced and counter the problem of having an L- the purchase of a new speaker system shaped dancefloor. It is hoped that noise Tthis week. The Renkus-Heinz system, pollution outside Union House on events Students going to Bojanglez last Wednesday weeks ago. Bojanglez management were which will replace the current one, is to cost nights will be reduced, whilst bringing a bet- night were surprised to find that the door price unavailable for comment at the time of going about £70,000. Technical Manager Ian Lipp ter sound to those inside. The new system had gone up to £5. Some students went on to to press. called it a “very positive step forward for the has a life expectancy of about ten years, and other pubs amid rumours that the measure was Union” and said that the system had been will be installed ready for the Christmas Ball in retalliation for the boycott of the club chosen following trials of about six others. It in two weeks’ time. organised by the Students’ Union several will employ several speaker stacks, to try It’s getting To queue or hotter, faster... not to

The first of this year’s snow might already Arguments have been raging at this week’s be here, but the Meteorological Office last world conference on Global Warming at week said that this year looks set to be the Kyoto, over the Australian Government’s world’s warmest since global records began refusal to agree to a cut in emissions of car- in 1860. The Met Office’s Hadley Research bon dioxide, thought to be a major contribu- queue... Centre also released a report suggesting that tor to the greenhouse effect. In the US, too, the speed of global warming is also on the oil companies have been running a televi- increase. Average temperatures could rise sion advertising campaign arguing that e’ve all been there members and hope that every- p.m. on by between 2.5 and 3º centigrade next cen- accepting the proposed emissions cuts haven’t we? Friday one knows when and where weekdays and up until 7.00 tury, compared to this century’s 0.6 º rise. would increase petrol prices by 50%. Wnight, 10pm, out- to purchase their tickets. Also p.m. on the night of the According to the report, the five warmest side the Union, your dressed there are always areas which event. This must be done years on record have all been in the 1990’s. in your best pulling outfit and are not clear to members in person and not over the it’s pissing down. You wetter about how to sign in guests phone. than a boy’s underpants after and a perfect system has so A maximum of 200 guests will watching ‘Baywatch’. You far eluded Union Club. be permitted into Union have no money so you need to So after careful consideration House at any event. queue for the cashpoint, which Union Club have created For any event, all guest tick- has run out of tenners three three draft versions of these ets will be priced £2.00 days ago, and join the queue policies which are soon to be above the cost of a Union that stretches down to the Hall passed and implemented at Club members ticket Bar for entrance to the Union. the beginning of next semes- price. This ticket price Well, Students’ Union Club ter. The three policies are far can be altered by the Club has recognised this and since too long to detail now, but the Committee, although on the start of the semester been basics will be outlined below: condition sufficient notice working on methods to get Tickets for all Union Club is given to all members. you into the Union quicker events - including the Guest tickets for the and drier! Friday Night Out - will be Friday Night Out will be This attack on queuing has on sale between 11.00 set at £4.00 regardless of been three pronged. Firstly, a.m.-3.00 p.m. from recep- the time of entry. since the hiring of profession- tion, for at least five work- What is important to take al Security, the organisation ing days before the event. away from this article is the of the queue outside the 100 tickets will be set aside for fact that Union club is look- Union has become so much Industrial Years, Life ing to make everything easier, more efficient. In fact, we Members and Nursery & fairer and quicker. The full have been beating the Midwifery Students for each policies will be plastered entrance rates of top London special event and Friday about everywhere once they night-clubs such as the Night Out. are passed, draft copies are Ministry of Sound, whacking Tickets for non Union Club available now. And if ANY- in around 700 club members special events, such as ONE who is a member of the an hour! We have also been OFU, Unplugged, Gilbert Union wishes to suggest their looking at ways to speed this & opinions on these proposed method up further by possibly Sullivan Society and any policies then please contact introducing another entrance. Students’ Union club or myself (su-liaison@surrey) or What has taken the most time society, can be sold Bob (the President - su- to refine is the creating of an through the ticket machine pres@surrey). You should official Signing In policy, between 11.00 a.m.-3.00 also attend the next Union Guest List policy and Ticket p.m. weekdays only. Club Committee meeting on Sale policy for events held in On non event nights, normal- 10th December, 1pm in the the Union. ly Sunday-Thursday, Grant Mitchell room. It’s a Why is this necessary? Well, guests can be signed in by slow process but once it’s has there ever been an official Club members until 10.30 passed hopefully there’ll be a method to sell tickets for p.m, as opposed to 8pm as lot less soggy students outside Union club events? The previously. the Union on a wet Friday answer is no. We so often All members will be able to night! depend upon word of mouth sign in their guests Kamran Loqueman, and Bare Facts to inform our between 11.00 a.m.-3.00 Union Liaison Officer. ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 3 (1,1)

n Friday 5th December 1997 Features 3 Will you take the sabbatical doorstep challenge?

ment will let you take a year out of your stud- Communications Officer - Matt Pannell 97/98 Andy Gale ies. Returning Officer So what do you do as Comms Officer? But just what do these sabs do? In this week’s According to the constitution, I am responsi- and next week’s Bare Facts we profile ble for all matters of communication between Surrey’s five current sabbatical officers, so “What”, you may say, “is a ‘sabbatical’?”, the Union and its members. That’s a bit opti- you can make up your mind whether it’s the and my answer would be that if Shane Ritchie mistic, but it does mean your input is required job for you. And if it is, then pick up a nomi- offered you two sabbaticals in exchange for on how to market events to students. Most of nation pack from the Communications your old washing powder, then you would all, I oversee the Union’s publications: the Officer, available from Monday week 15 - certainly take him up on his offer - because professional year handbook, Surrey for nominations close Friday week 2, so you’ve sabbaticals are a jolly good thing indeed. Beginners, the Union Handbook, Bare Facts, got the Christmas holiday to think about it. Sabbaticals (sabs) are Surrey students who and a few others. I also get lots of money for If you are even remotely interested in stand- take a year out to run your students’ union, the Union in sponsorship - especially with the ing and would like to know more, then come The Communications Officer at work - stupid and early next year you will have the chance trade fair. and meet the current sabs, and ex-sabs from expression not obligatory to stand for election to be one of them. the past four years, at an informal meeting in What about committee work? Usually it is final years who stand, but that Which part of the job do you enjoy most? Chancellor’s restaurant area this Friday (5th You have to represent students on a few need not be the case - so long as your depart- Mm... producing the paper. Whether you make Dec) from 6pm. Hope to see you there! University committees, including the it so big that it excludes everything else is up Computing and Information Technology com- to you, but it has to be the central task, I think. Student Affairs Officer - Sam Birmingham 97/98 mittee, and the Library and Audio Visual Services committee. In a nutshell, what is your job? Where do you see the job going over the next I’d say it wouldn’t really fit in a few years? What sort of people does your job bring you A lot of what the Comms Officer does nutshell. But it would fit in a into contact with? circle, and that circle has about depends on the students, so one year you may All kinds of strange people! I get to deal with get a group that could more-or-less produce half a dozen different segments the printing industry, students who write news, [is anyone following this?!], Bare Facts all by themselves, and that would sports, features for the newspaper, photogra- be brilliant because it would leave you much ranging from course rep issues phers, people that need you to help find their to academic appeals, griev- more time to work on other aspects of the job. friend’s e-mail addresses, the University staff, It all depends on the students.... ances, hardship applications, and, of course, all the permanent staff in the campaigns, and sitting on vari- Union. If the sabbatical team were an assorted multi- ous committees to ensure stu- pack of crisps, which flavour would you be? dents’ concerns about a variety What skills do you need to be Communications Er, salt and vinegar, lemon - bitter, sour, sour of issues are addressed. Officer? cream, and bitter salt. No - beef. Beef. As in: Be prepared to occasionally work quite late to “Where’s the beef?”, because this is where the So what does the title “Student Miss Birmingham treats all cases seriously.... meet deadlines - that’s a quite important com- main element of the Union’s work goes on. Affairs Officer” mean? mitment. I would advise anyone going for this There’s a lot of flapping and tarting about in courses and create university policy. I come I don’t think it’s a very good title. A better job to swot-up their computer skills before the other offices, but this is where the real beef into contact with the Dean of Students quite a title would probably be “Education starting - but I managed, and my predecessor is done. So beef, I should think, and all the lot, and outside the university I deal with the Representation and Welfare Officer” - with managed, and we knew bugger all about com- other sabs can be things like terracotta and West Surrey Health Authority, Alcohol campaigns on top! I tend to be in charge of all puters! I’d say you need to be flexible, able to tangerine. [We should point out that being Concern Agencies, and The Acorn drug use of the campaigns, including Intro. Week deal with a lot of people, and willing to put in weird is not a prerequisite to applying for this Group. I have little contact with the NUS organisation, gas safety, meningitis, health, the hours. job, it is just Matt’s “special qualitiy”.] safe sex, drugs, racism, AIDS - you name it, (who try to help with campaigns) because and you can have a campaign on it! The they’re not as useful as they are supposed to Welfare side of the job is case work, most be. cases being about hardship and finance, but also quite a lot of course issues - problems What skills are needed for your job? with courses, members of staff, and studying. Organisation. That’s top of the list - there are I get a great deal of support from the Welfare a lot of areas you need to keep up to date with, Officer who deals with the bulk of the case and if you can’t organise yourself, you’ll find work, but when students are unsure of who to yourself sinking under a mass of papers, min- see, they often come and see me - because, as utes, and agendas. Make good use of the a student, they may find it easier to approach waste paper bin! Other than that, you need me. patience.

How do you see the role changing? What is your typical day like? I think the job needs more definition, and A lot of time is spent planning for committee there needs to be a good hard look at which meetings, because if you have a three hour areas my job covers. I feel many groups of hardship meeting, then you need another two students are neglected because there is far too hours reading the case files, and another two much incorporated in my job to ensure that or three hours planning each student’s sub- each section of the student body receives an mission to the hardship fund. The rest of the equal amount of my time. time, you don’t know what is going to come through your door, which is one of the great And you don’t do much committee work, do attractions of the job. you? Which part of the job do you enjoy most? [At this point she waves her arm at a book- I enjoy the meetings where you feel that the case full of files labelled “xxxxxx academics are listening to what you say, and Committee”] I think I sit on well over thirty where you are making an impact on universi- committees, and some of those have break-off ty policy, rather than just there paying lip-ser- sub committees, and some sub committees vice to the university’s commitment to having have break-off working parties! These all add student representatives. up and take up quite a lot of my time. If the sabbatical team were an assorted multi- Who does your job bring you into contact pack of crisps, which flavour would you be? with? A big tube of Pringles, because they’re like a I find myself spending most of my time with typical working day - once you start you can’t the academics and heads of departments, stop! [And unlike Pringles, Sam’s lid doesn’t rather than students. That’s unfortunate, but in pop off when you squeeze her sides. We think. order to get the best deal for students you But you could always give it a try next time have to liaise with the people who organise you see her.....] ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Editorial Friday 5th December1997 n Letters

We are not amused number of people but that was nei- Sort it out, Ed with the very poor quality of joke in’ together (though, may I add, ther the Union’s fault nor ours as submitted. NOT in the biblical sense of the Dear Editor, prior warning cannot be given in Dear Editor term). such short circumstances. I’m sure This decision was aided by the fact you’ll find that the majority of peo- that we had already published a let- I believe you should WAKE UP and In response to your letter in Bare ple who stayed, and the dancefloor We write to you following the pub- ter using the same jokes two years reconsider your letters policy. If Facts last week, regarding UoS, I was quite busy, enjoyed them- lication of our letter in last weeks ago. As we are supposed to be fair- not, we shall continue to fight for would like to point out a few facts. selves. However find out the full edition of your newspaper. It was ly funny fellas, we were unwilling the right to submit unfunny, sub- You said that you felt conned by facts before you criticise people, very upsetting to read our full to take responsibility once the final standard letters without having to SHAG due to the type of music that especially those of us who were names rather than the pen name product had been seen. We have be cruelly “outted” in this way. was played, the basic fact is that asked to help out at short notice supplied, the rather jovial “Colin reputations to uphold. Fight for the right to be unfunny. SHAG wouldn’t have gone ahead and would rather DJ to people who Hunt”. Fight for anonymity. Fight for bet- if it hadn’t been for the resident enjoy the music. As a result of your editorial deci- ter quality letters. Vote Colin Hunt. UoS DJ due to the resident SHAG Our reasons for using this name sion, we have suffered severe DJ not turning up. As for the taste Rob Sheffield instead of our own were three-fold: ridicule at the hands of our so- Yours, in hiding, and style of music SHAG is syn- UoS club President · We were very aware of the poor called “friends”. We have taken to Daniel Stephens and Jake onomous for playing music that quality of our letter, missing lectures and are very wor- Conway. shall we say is more off the wall · We wanted to pay tribute to the ried about the future. We have had AKA Colin Hunt and caters for the more open mind- brilliant Fast Show character of the to stop our regular Saturday night ed of us. Oh I’m sorry, corrupted of same name, and most importantly, Shag, instead spending the ‘night- us. I’m sorry if the style of music · We had no desire to be associated didn’t appeal and for the small Setting the letter straight 2. After the same CD was played 4 your horizons. I can promise you Neither are we tion were so slow that we had to times we were approached by stage that who ever continues to head the retire to the bar in search of some- Dear Editor, crew to continue playing upstairs so Saturday night in the main Union Dear Editor, thing interesting! they could shut the lower bar. Quite will be playing many of the same simply without UOS participation tunes in the near future. After the disappointment of last My first impression of the stinging there would have been no music To close I would like to remind both What is happening to entertainment weeks Shag talked about in Bare letter that appeared in your own after 11.30 as Leroy’s “warm-up” those involved in criticising the at Surrey? Last night I went to the Facts and the general downhill trav- Barefacts issue 992 was simply wanted to leave. night that if you had bothered to Friday Night Out with a load of el of Ents at Surrey, maybe it’s time “you sad pricks”. However it would 3. No-one was dancing upstairs research the facts behind your ‘dou- friends. Normally there is an excel- to make ents more answerable to be unwise to let such comments go before we started. ble entender’ masterpiece then I lent selection of mainstream dance, the customers - the students? without defending the reputation of 4. By 1am the dance floor was busy doubt if you would have put pen to rock, and party tunes - occasionally If we are going to be charged real UOS Club, which I have worked and despite your own reservations paper. with an additional guest DJ who entrance fees to go to a disco then hard to maintain this semester. the majority of those present were specialises in one of the above. please provide real entertainment loving it. Rob McVie (UOS Chairman and and make sure we know exactly Facts: 5. How could I have organised cor- event co-ordiniser) - sic Last night was abysmal! The dance what to expect each week. 1. The main union DJ Leroy Wilson rect advertising when the event was tracks were harder than normally Danial Taylor who normally headlines our weekly scheduled for the Helyn Rose Bar. witnessed at a Shag and the majori- Shag failed to show on the night ty of the evening had no atmos- due to problems at Bojanglez. University life is about broadening phere. the tunes for the main sec- The poetry corner Same again let alone some self styled heroes forcing us to endure it every Dear Editor Wednesday as well. Exile I feel it necessary to write to you Must we be subjected to the same regarding entertainment on a boring tunes every day every week You sure were real. Wednesday night in the Union. between now and Christmas? I saw you trembling like a dry mercury drop, cool Who are these people playing music Please help Ents Team - save us remnant of a nightmare of heat, on stage? It is the same material as from certain depression! desert rush full of precision. played every Friday Night. The Matt Carter majority of people are getting Exile, maybe I extremely fed up with the same should’ve gone South, party music played every Friday - to Hell perhaps. Exile of a barren female. She galloped. I drank the bitter froth from her mouth, sipped it from between her teeth. What your Union is Air pearls. I give you Ugliness, I offer you doing to try and make my thumb, knife-animal.

things better for And the fence? What’d you do to it? The barb-wire lace students glimmered like peace in a cow’s eye. Her canyon throat was a big laugh. Blood chuckled. Crime. See? J Arranging for the purchase of J Planning an ‘Aids Awareness’ We all can do it. Ruthlessness became two minibuses information campaign a tight drop of milk. Mother snail. Out of her cheek, ideas blossomed. J Planning the sponsorship of J Dealing with Health & Safety next summer’s publications inspectors’ recommendations on Free-fall. Sigh. But it ain’t so bad if electrical testing and chemical stor- you keep carrying me behind you. J Producing the professional age & you sure were real. post newsletter for students on placement J Gearing up for next year’s sabbatical elections Rafael Martin Calvo J Fitting new noticeboadrs in Union House clearing the old ones to make information easier to find Melodius - ‘relax with the poets’ - Wednesdays, Wates House, 3pm ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 5 (1,1)

n Friday 5th December 1997 Features 5 Sober As A Judge!

The evening began without inci- ets to use again for their own raffles, missed out! dent, fine wine was poured liberally Mark Watson namely the invited guests. Lord down the ever-thirsty throats of (Vice-Chairman) Slynn kindly passed his champagne Bemused and extremely drunk stu- future solicitors, barristers and to his newly found friend Nick dents slowly left in good order, only judges whilst the guests arrived the guest speaker, Surrey graduate, Leavey, who will remain ever grate- to arrive at the Union in not so good from as far a field as Ireland and Lady Diana Kerr who, having, so ful. order. Jersey. Students convorted freely far, resisted the charms and wit of with lecturers, lawyers, a Lord of the Society’s Secretary, Nick Both honoured guests left soon The Law Society would like to Appeal and of course more freely Leavey, gave a fantastic speech, after, having congratulated the thank everybody who came for such with themselves. good enough for one of the more Committee for the best university a good evening, especially drink-affected first years to tell her law society event they had ever Treasurer, Kim Iwanczyszyn who Once the wine at the reception was something along the lines of been to. The solicitors also didn’t fall over in her shoes. drunk, mostly by first years, “f***ing good speech” (Lady Kerr). expressed their delight and will not Chairman Richard Saulet (of forget the evening. Any networking, For those who were disappointed To finish the proceedings, the raffle ollowing weeks of prepara- Dickie’s small Column “fame”) I am sure, was not in vain, as for not to hear boring old farts droning was drawn, prizes generally went to tion, the University Law invited the guests to move upstairs, those final years looking for a train- on about law, we apologise. those who had bought enough tick- FSociety’s First Annual as usual no one listened to him, ing contract - you may just have Charity Dinner hit Wates House on however the news that more booze Friday 14th November. The awaited soon encouraged move- revamped Law Society was proud ment. to announce a total of £900 raised for the charities of Justice, The After food, more wine, some more Order of St John and local AIDS wine and following the wine, the charity, Positive Action. The money Society’s President, Lord Slynn of was raised from ticket sales, raffle Hadley, arose to address the rabble. tickets and sponsorship from In spite of his audience’s wine con- Barclay’s Bank, Barlow’s suption, he managed to hold every- Solicitors, Clyde & Co, Surrey body’s attention, although his joke, Student Travel Service, Theodore based on manipulation of the Goddard, University of Surrey French language, passed over the Society and the University heads of the listening linguists, Bookshop. especially those studying French. With great pleasure, he introduced “A Christmas Carol” by the Northern Ballet Theatre New Victoria Theatre, Woking

great success is what I As far as the dancers are would call the attempt Mary Elizabeth Phillips concerned, all were well Ato the Northern Ballet selected to fit their roles. Theatre to stage “The Christmas Carol” the Jeremy Kerridge, the Principal Character and well-known story, written by Charles Dickens, Assistant Ballet Master of the company took that involves the complete transformation of the character of Scrooge from ignorance and Ebenezar Scrooge from a stingy and selfish anger, through fear and despair to reach man who was persistently denying the enlightenment and satisfaction. Equally, the Christmas spirit, to the most famous generous rest of the leading characters were magnifi- person known, ever. cent, especially Jayne Regan, the principal The performance was excellently prepared in artist of the company, who portrayed all aspects; the scenery as well as the costumes Scrooge’s fiancee and Fizziwig’s daughter vir- and props used were all well-selected to repre- tuosity in both ballet technique and psychical sent the special season. The special effects characterization. and the music used, were determining factors It was a performance that should not have that enhanced Christmas magic. been missed! ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Friday 5th December 1997 n

CLAWFINGER - Biggest And The ALBUM OF THE WEEK Best (Coalition) SINGLES Way back when the Prodigy first start- ALBUMS LYNDEN DAVID ed, Clawfinger were mixing up rock HALL - Medicine SHERYL CROW - Tomorrow Never V/A - Tomorrow Never Dies (A&M) and dance like nobody’s business. This For My Pain (Cool Dies (A&M) A brand new musical score from David track is pretty damn good but will be Tempo) Big. Big film, big budget, big song! Arnold for the forthcoming Bond ignored due to other bands doing the Another exciting new Soaring from soft verses to a grand movie with songs by Sheryl Crow, k.d same thing. 7/10 F.F. artist. This is quality chorus this single really fits the feel of lang, and Moby. David Arnold mixes soul music. I actually a Bond movie, from which it is taken. ETHER - Watching You (Parlophone) some of his previous bond themes with forgot I was sup- Sheryl Crow uses her voice to it’s full Staccato, quiet bit - loud bit jaunt, with new and improved orchestral samples. posed to be review- potential, rather than copping out with distinctive vocals that make the whole After his recent collaborations with ing it! Lots of really her usual country tinged MOR chart thing sound squeezed. It’s not out for various artists on his album ‘Shaken funky stuff to choose fodder. Fantastic. 9/10 A.T. ages so there’s plenty of time for it to and Stirred’ he has gifted us with from here but the one become catchy, which is helpful ‘Backstreet Driver’, which is classic that stood out for me THE LIGHTNING SEEDS - What because it isn’t instantly. 6/10 H.B. Arnold track but with the exquisite was track 4 ‘There You Say (Epic) sampling skills of Alex Gifford of the Goes My Sanity’. This brilliant single taken off their SUPERCHARGER - Rock The disco Propellerheads. The most impressive The song is quietly ‘Best Of’ album, shows what a diverse (Indochina) track on this soundtrack is Sheryl funky and the and excellent songwriter Broudie is. Some would say that a cheesy sample Crow’s ‘Tomorrow Never Dies’, which arrangement works This is a slower tempo than most of does not make a song, the track makes lets us see the full range of her vocal well. Some bits are their other tunes, but still just as good. it obvious. It’s one saving grace is that talent. This soundtrack is not the best more like sci-fi The single also contains the track the music underneath the sample is soundtrack I’ve ever heard, but if you sound effects but that ‘Blue’, which is just as good as the great. 6/10 F.F. are a Bond fanatic then buy it, if not is just experimenta- title track. 9/10 G.D. just be content pretending to be 007. tion musically and it Delightful but over-shaken. 7/10 K.M. SINGLE OF THE WEEK doesn’t detract from the main body of the V/A - Dubbed On Planet Skunk music. The different (Dubmision) instruments marry So this is ‘Dub’ is it? An album com- together very piled of tracks entitled as eccentrically smoothly. Impressive as their “composers”. After working stuff. 8/10 G.T. through the initial problem of which name was the title, I discovered that sings about broken hearts, growing up, ROLF HARRIS -Can You Tell What there was not that much to differentiate and life in general. This album is very It is Yet? (EMI) between the tracks anyway. I’m not tame and a complete contrast to the Shortminded, highly uninspiring and trying to say that they were all exactly youthful punk pop made by others his phased out singing style. For starters the same, just that they were all pretty age. If you think this album sounds Rolf can’t sing, (we all know that long and repetitive. The album appar- dull and predictable then you would be already). Secondly its worse when you ently has different styles of music, right. Paul Weller will probably, “dig”, get him singing ‘A Girl Like You’ and from the Techno ‘Plasma’ by Qualia, to this guy. 3/10 A.T. ‘One Hand In My Pocket’. My praise the Clubby ‘Thank you For Smoking’ goes to his production team for doing a by The Lone Stuntman. All of the GARY NUMAN - Exile (Eagle) top class job in “adapting” their music tracks were enjoyable, but none seem Maybe I’m the only one, but Gary so he doesn’t sound so bad. Not worth to stand out. All in all good back- Numan doesn’t seem to be that great. I thinking about. 2/10 I.U. GRAND DRIVE – Tell It Like It Is (Václav) ground music. 7/10 E.C. understand people liking specific songs If you can imagine Stef Kamil Carlens of Deus singing the early REM songs, from his albums but to me, it all LYNC - Remembering The Fireballs with the plaintive strum of Evan Dando’s or Bob Dylan’s guitar, submerge it BRYAN ADAMS - MTV Unplugged sounds like one big song played over Part 8 (K) under swathes of melancholy and droning organs – you’ll get a delicious bluesy (A&M) and over again with just the lyrics ‘Remebering The Fireballs’ starts off vibes of these Aussie south London brothers’ debut single ‘Tell It Like It Is’. The A wonderful best-of compilation from changed. Whatever you do don’t get well enough with ‘Pigeons’, a moody seeming simplicity of their songs belies a mystery, confusion and at times, pure a first-rate rock singer - pitched some- lulled into buying his CD like hundreds with very little vocals, but that’s as dread expressed. Let it get its hook in you, and you’ll start feeling that you need where between Rod Stewart and Def of others that have been misled. Maybe good as it gets. The rest of is very for- to get to the bottom of these songs – if there is a bottom. 10/10 D.A. Leppard’s Joe Elliot - and has a superb people just don’t know what a good mulaic. Song after song, the intro is a knack for writing catchy pop-rock and music is. If you like a song, don’t buy guitar solo and there’s little or no vari- CURVE - Chinese Burn (Universal) STING, THE POLICE AND PUFF ballads. Bryan Adams adds a new, the stupid CD, but just tape it off the ation in the sounds used which makes After a two year absence, Curve are DADDY - Roxanne 97 (A&M) acoustic chapter to a career that’s seen radio or something. 2/10 D.A. listening rather tiresome. 1/10 P.A. back with a brilliant track. You will This single includes two covers of worldwide sales of over 50 million have heard of it as it the track off the ‘Walking On The Moon’ and a cover albums with the release of ‘MTV RELAPSE OF THE YEAR current “Sony Minidisc” ad so you Unplugged’, which also introduces 3 of the chart topping hit ‘Roxanne’ plus, should know how good it is. 8/10 F.F. brand new songs - the drippy Rod-lite thankfully!, the original. The versions ballad ‘Back To You’, another ballad LEVELLERS - Dog Train (China) are particularly uninspired and dull. ‘When You Love Someone’ and a Not only do you get the Levellers won- The original is always best as they say, relaxing ‘Back To You’ vibe. 5 out of derful ‘Dog Train’, but also thrown in so, for the versions a 3/10, and for 14 tracks come from his previous are the original recordings of the bands ‘Roxanne’ (original version) a 7/10; album ‘18 Til I Die’ and most of the first ever singles. The exquisite ‘Carry averaging these out we get (my maths songs in this new release are overly Me’ and ‘Barrel of a Gun’ have a very teacher would be proud) 5/10 G.C. sentimental. ‘If You Wanna Be Bad - prominent Irish flavour, making for a Ya Gotta Be Good’ reminds me of the single that you’ll want to listen to THE STALKER - The Blast EP: bluesy beat from ‘Terminator 2’. again and again. 8/10 E.C. Having an MTV Unplugged recording Part 1 (Fierce) is a pretty good idea, Adams place FUZZBIRD - The Promised Land (FR) Well, what can I say. This is your typi- The a side of this 7” sounds rather like himself alongside with the legendary cal weird American shit. It says that Neil Young, Eric Clapton and Nirvana a male fronted Belly. The B-side ‘Hey! it’s funked-up techno, but I would class Brat’ is full of scuzzy guitars. A good that surely had something to offer the merely as an attempt at making a tune single let down by poor production. world of acoustic music. 7/10 D.A. 7/10 I.P. that failed. ‘Blast’ is an unusual con- coction of warped samples and an THE ADVENT - Adventures In DOG TOFFEE - Bomb Sutra - (Dog) intermittent bassline. The several Phunk (Metalbox) JANE’S ADDICTION - Kettle Whistle (Warner Brothers) Riotous three-piece Dog Toffee will mixes of it make little impression and An ambient album with loads of unheard of bands, now don’t get me It was just over ten years ago when Jane’s Addiction first assaulted our ears with vigorously rock you at every available hardly constitute a decent tune. I’m wrong just because the bands may not their tripped out vision of Led Zeppelin. Led by the shamanic, helium-voiced moment on this four track e.p, as they glad I didn’t go and waste my money try to be a stripped down, slightly less be famous it doesn’t mean they are not Perry Farrell ably assisted by wonder kid guitarist , and coincidentally the most and buy it. 3/10 M.B. cool Rocket From The Crypt. A satis- any good, this album goes to show beautiful man in rock, Dave Navarro, backed by the best rhythm section there has fying debut. 7/10 D.J. what can be done with a little enthusi- been, Eric Avery’s fluid bass lines wrapped round the tribal drum sounds of GLAMOROUS HOOLIGAN - In asm. The album itself is pleasant in a Stephen Perkins, a magic band if ever there was one. I was in San Francisco in THE SAW DOCTORS - Simple Absentia (Coalition) “listen to while you are doing your the summer of 1990 when the final Jane’s album ‘Ritual De Lo Habitual’ was Things (Sham Town) Hmmm... imagine being attacked by a coursework” type of way. 7/10 F.F. released, everyone I met was talking about ‘Ritual...’ and it kicked the doors to “Its the simple things that make it all bunch of football yobs... being held the charts open for alternative music as we know it today. A year later Jane’s Addiction burned out in Hawaii, just as Nirvana released ‘Nevermind’... the rest worthwhile”’. To start with, nothing is against a wall and being bashed non- SYMPOSIUM - One Day At A Time simple, even breathing. This is a good (Infectious) is history. So here we are in 1997 with a “new” Jane’s album. There are two new sensically with empty beer bottles. tune to hum along to and I can see it While the Symposium live show is a songs recorded with Red Hot Chili Peppers’ livewire bassist Flea, ‘Kettle breaking into Karaoke nights already. That’s what this song symbolises for full on adrenaline fueled party, their Whistle’ starts with an Eastern sounding mantra and the dynamics build to mag- The only thing that lets this single me, an absolute flop in terms of vocal singles have been a bit dull. This mini- nificence, and ‘So What!’ is Jane’s working with electronic drum patterns to down is its length, it is a bit short. talent, but aces originality. Obstinate album pulls them together and they are stunning effect. There are studio outtakes, ‘Been Caught Stealing’ without the Inspirational but not entirely original. and frenzied for the untamed ear. still pretty dull, their rock-reggae barking dogs and with Perry singing in a jazz style is the most impressive of Medicine for the ears...especially when Something to play when you on a high, attempts fail miserably. Only ‘Drink these, and the demo that got them signed, ‘Mountain Song’, it’s primal drum beat your pissed-off. 7/10 I.U. it helps to bring you down. 1/10 I.U. The Sunshine’ has any life in it. intro still sends shivers down the spine, chilling... thrilling. And finally there are Somewhat disappointing. 4/10 R.W. live tracks, bringing back the memories of those shows that blew our minds. The This weeks music bought to you by - version of ‘Three Days’ starts somewhat lethargically compared to the ‘Ritual...’ Matthew Beal, Dean Arif, Daniel Jones, Gemma Decent, BEN LEE - Something To version, but when Perry shouts “Go! Go! Go!” and the band kick up a million Ian Purvey, Ikaraam Ullah, Emma Clarke, Honey Butcher, Remember Me By (Grand Royal) gears the sheer energy of the performance lifts you to the stratosphere. Is this it Take one eighteen year old, mix with a for the Jane’s Addiction Relapse? I hope not, how can they feed you such a Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Frank Fraulo, Paul Amani, Kevin Marston, little angst, and add an acoustic guitar. sumptuous taster, get you hooked again then leave you wanting more, needing Andrew Thomas, Rob Winder Hey presto you have Ben Lee. Ben more, craving more. 9/10 R.W. ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 7 (1,1)

n Friday 5th December 1997 Entertainments Guide 7

GIG GUIDE

It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling.

20:30 Only Fools and Horses Cantaloop - Reading Alleycat Friday & Saturday (0118 956 1116) The Borrowers (U) 21:00 Shooting Stars 22:00 Cast - London Battersea Power 13:05, 15:25, 17:45, 20:00 Have I Got News For You Station Copland (15) The Fall, Foil - London Forum 13:15, 16:15, 19:00, 21:40 21:00 Friends 22:00 Keep The Aspidistra Flying

5th (0171 284 1001) Frasier 22:30 Rory Spillage - London Upstairs At The (12) Friday Bremner Garage (0171 607 1818) 13:15, 15:45, 18:15, 20:50 18:00/23:25 TFI Friday Alien: Resurrection (18) 12:30, 13:45, 15:30, 16:30, 18:30, 19:15, 21:20, 22:00 PICK Bennet, Jocasta, Dustball, G.I.Jane (15) 20:05 Casualty 22:50 OF THE Daytona - Guildford Civic 22:10 Match of the Day WEEK Hall (01483 444555) Face/Off (18) Charlatans - London Docklands Arena 20:30 Tacky Saturday: 15:15, 18:30, 21:50 Counting Crows - London Forum (0171 7 Years In Tibet (PG) The Royal Variety 284 1001) Terry Hall - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 14:40, 18:00, 21:10

6th Performance 23:00 FILM: Tough Guys 1116) The Full Monty (15) Sparks - London Astoria (0171 434 9592) 13:55, 16:40, 19:45, 22:10 Symposium, A, Llama Farmers - Reading L.A. Confidential (18) Saturday Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 15:00, 18:15, 21:20 Hercules (U) 10:40 (Sat only), 12:25 22:05 The Lily Savage Free Willy 3: The Rescue (U) Show Fear Factory, Geezer - London Astoria (0171 434 9592) 13:00 Orphic Soup - London Putney A Simple Wish (U) Half Moon (0181780 9383) 12:50 21:00 FILM City Slickers Slump with Andy Weatherall - 7th Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Sunday - Thursday The Borrowers (U) Sunday 13:05, 15:25, 17:45, 20:00 Copland (15) 13:15, 15:40, 18:15, 20:50 21:30 Hotel Counting Crows - London Royal Keep The Aspidistra Flying 23:30 Film 97 with Barry Albert Hall (0171 589 3203) (12) Norman Lightning Seeds, Dubstar - 13:15, 15:45, 18:15, 20:50 London Astoria (0171 434 9592) Alien: Resurrection (18) 21:30 Never Mind the Makers, Headcopter, American 12:45, 14:15, 15:25, 17:00, 18:00, Buzzcocks Food - Reading Alleycat (0118 19:45, 20:40 22:00 I’m Alan Partridge 956 1116) Face/Off (18) 8th My Life Story, Imogen Heap - 14:05, 17:05, 20:05 22:00 Cracker Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 7 Years In Tibet (PG) Monday 23:05 Armstrong & Miller (01705 863911) 14:15, 17:15, 20:15 The Full Monty (15) 13:30, 16:05, 18:30, 21:00 21:30 FILM: Under Seige Blur, Warm Jets - Wembley Arena Counting Crows - London Royal Albert L.A. Confidential (18) 20:00 University Hall (0171 589 3203) 14:10, 17:10, 20:10 Challenge Fish - Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) Hercules (U) Lightning Seeds, Dubstar - London 12:10 Astoria (0171 434 9592) Free Willy 3: The Rescue (U) 20:00 Deals on Wheels Seahorses, The Hybirds - London 23:05 Rory Bremner Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) 12:10 9th Montrose Avenue, Grosvenor, Peachy A Simple Wish (U) 19:30 UEFA Football: Keen - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 12:10 Travis Cut, Speedurchin - London Tuesday Aston Villa v Steaua Upstairs At The Garage (0171 607 1818) Bucharest Exclusive Preview Tomorrow Never Dies (12) Lower, Breaker - London Kings Thursday 18:00, 18:15, 20:30, 21:30 Absolutely Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) 20:45 Fabulous Morrissey, Elcka - London Battersea Power Station Shane MacGowan and The Movie Mob tickets £1 3 19:30 UEFA Popes, The Crockets - Reading Saturday 6th December Champions League - Live Alleycat (0118 956 1116) The Lost World (PG) 11:00 Jingle All The Way (PG) 11:15

10th Seahorses, Mover - London Kilburn National (0171 625 4444) Fly Away Home (U) 11:10 Sheryl Crow - London Wembley Bean (PG) 11:00 Arena Wednesday Primiere Movie Mob 22:00 Animal Hospital A - London 100 Club (0171 636 0933) tickets £2 Ben Folds Five, Ether - London 20:30 Holiday Reps 21:30 Free Willy 3 (U) 11:00 Men Behaving Badly Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) A Simple Wish (U) 10:45 22:00 They Think it’s all Blur, Warm Jets - London Brixton Projections Over Academy (0171 264 1525) Grosse Pointe Blank (15) McQueen - London Camden Wednesday 13:00, 15:30, 18:00, Monarch (0171 916 1049) 20:30 Top Gear 21:00 20:30 Third Rock From the Sun My Life Story, Imogen Heap - 11th Farnham College Prodigy - Reading Rivermead 22:40 James Bond - Glenn Tilbrook - Reading Alleycat Thursday Shaken and Stirred (0118 956 1116) ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Cinema and Arts Friday 5th December 1997 n MANNA FROM CAMDEN Alien Resurrection (18) Andy Ross,head of Food Records, celebrates their 100th single with Rob Winder. Sigourney Weaver, instalments - a small group of heavily armed well here, but they also did extremely well in North Winona survivors being chased by killing machines America with their ‘Doubt’ album. They had the Ryder running amok. number two single at the time EMF had the number ipley’s However, one over in America. That was the first really sub- rise French director stantial sales, back in ‘91, prior to the Britpop Jeanet has years. Selling those quantities of records was quite Rfrom exceptional for alternative music at that time. It is a the dead as introduced lot more commonplace now. It certainly felt like a ‘Number 8’, a what can only big deal at the time, that’s for sure.” genetically be described as Which band in the history of Food would you like manufactured ‘twisted Gaelic to have been more successful than they have been? humour’ to the “Any band that has struggled you wish would have clone of her done better, it can be quite a harsh business to be in. 200 year old plot. Jokes I still believe that Strangelove can be extremely dead self is appear where successful, but I mean you have to have beliefs in the next acid bathed Blur these things. I am disappointed that Strangelove deaths were haven’t sold more, but I am certainly not disap- instalment of ood Records, home at various times to Zodiac the Alien previously. Mindwarp, Crazyhead, Jesus Jones, Blur, pointed with the music they’ve made. I think they’re great, I think the current album is absolute- series and has This said, the FShampoo, Dubstar, Strangelove, The film does benefit from incredible visuals and Supernaturals and many others celebrated their Strangelove a lot to live up to after the suspense and pure 100th single release recently with ‘Food 100’, a gore of the first two outings and the switchof- the aliens themselves look as beastly and “single” containing 18 classics and rarities from fable boredom of the third part or the series. majestic as ever. the whole film shocks rather their roster. Food Records was formed in 1983 by Alien Resurrection does not fail to deliver. than thrills, but right from the word go, you The Teardrop Explodes keyboard player Dave This time a group of scientists grow and alien know that nothing will stand in the way of Balfe, he was soon joined by Sounds writer Andy Ripley - just to make sure that the series isn’t Ross, who now runs the company from an office in inside of Ripley (yes, they actually decide to Camden. grow one of the beasts!) than let it breed. One resurrected after this outing. Andy, how did you become involved in Food gets loose and the inevitable mayhem and 7/10 Records? destruction follow. Bruce “I wasn’t there at the start, I joined after the first two or three releases. Dave Balfe started the label Other elements remain from the first three with his girlfriend. They asked me to come and do it with them after about a year. I was working for the Inland Revenue at the time and wanted to get out of that.” Competition Early signings to Food, Brilliant, The Woodentops and Zodiac Mindwarp, all left for major labels. Was ly superb. It is difficult toa justify losing money on this a disappointment for you? a band for a considerable period of time as there is “That is why we did the deal with EMI in a nut- always someone at EMI in a suit saying “are you shell. We were just a small independent label hav- sure about this?”. So fingers crossed for them for ing to finance the recordings and what have you. next year, that would be a major result if There was a tendency for those bands to say “we Strangelove came through because of the applied like Food, but we can’t afford to stay on it when we faith that we have had in the band for five years.” have got London or Phonogram or whoever offer- Is Food constantly looking for new artists, and ing £100,000.” What we did instead was generally what sort of artists? “I don’t know really, you just wait to see what comes along and then decide if you like them or not. I try not to go out of my way to sign too many bands, so that we can be sure to do a good job on the bands that we have signed. At the moment we have three offers out that are all coming along, but that is atypical. There are a lot of excellent new demos around, we’re very much after a band called Idlewild, who are beginning to get quite well known because they were in the finals of In The City and they are on the Evening Session every night this week. At least four other companies are after them, but hopefully they’ll see sense and sign to us.” How do you find bands for Food? The Supernaturals “Nearly all our bands come form tapes. The manage those acts. That experience made us think Bluetones (who are signed to Andy Ross’ publish- “how do we retain these acts?” After talking to a ing company) was an accident. I was out to see couple of majors we did a deal with EMI. We were another band, everything was running late, they one of the first of the newer wave of independents were playing and I thought this band is really good, to do a deal with a major and I think we were ahead but almost invariably with everything else it’s a of our time, because subsequently a lot of other cassette first. We do have people going around see- independent labels have gone on to do deals with ing bands on a regular basis, it certainly makes life majors. The only difference is a lot of these easier if you are going out to see a band that you “indies” carry on being distributed by independent have heard a decent demo tape from. I saw one on distributors and therefore qualify for the indepen- Saturday called Brassy who were excellent and I dent charts, which we don’t, but they still get fund- got a kick out of that.” ed on the same basis as we do.” What are your hopes for the future of Food? Does it bother you that Food releases are not eligi- To carry on doing what we are doing now. I don’t ble for the independent charts? want to expand in terms of people. It would be “It used to a few years ago when bands that were great to see another three or four major acts come the kind of music that we were associated with through in the next few years. We’ll do our level weren’t expected to get in to the Top 40, so access best to put the bands in the position where they can to the independent chart was quite important then. sell lots of records. Once a band has made a record, Now bands are generally aiming at getting in the it is our job to get it to as many people as possible, full blown chart, so the independent is less impor- sell shit loads of records and have some fun.” tant. It is irritating more than anything. I have a Dubstar feeling that it may become more important again next year for various reasons, one of which being if they cut the formats down from three to two that will affect indie/alternative bands disproportionate- ly. I do think that a chart based on a genre of music would be more appropriate, the difficulty being how do you construct that chart in the first place, which is how independent distributors have always managed to maintain their chart. I just think it is an excuse for the distributors to make a lot of money To Win, Cut out the coupon and put it in in an envelope with your out of the majors.” The first major success for Food was with Jesus name and phone number on, in the Box outside our door in the Jones. Student Union by Tuesday pm. We’ve got 10 to gve away!! “I think that is a fair thing to say. They did very ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 9 (1,1)

n Friday 5th December 1997 Notices & Personals 9 Personals

n The Pleasure Devil likes it n Cute!! American to much tits! see you Saturday. n Dama, what is the admission twice in the morning, even if the EDAM’s bad for you - get MADE n n fee to get into your love den! door is open. with me. I like working in the library, its Sleep..perchance to dream, oh so quiet. aye, there’s the rub..down a bit, n WEYSIDE GIRLS...... CAN n Pob says: At least I can get a n Richard/Tricky - we noticed n left a little, mmmmmm, that’s WE GET ANYMORE SHAG!!! you’d taken a fancy to the female Roger Wedgie it...mmmm DODGY.....I THINK SO !!!!! n n side, perhaps using Ti’s little job- Mark, No Chemsoc quiz n roar says the honeymonster n Haggis - why do you even bie wasn’t such a good idea. tonight....bit of shame Haggis is officially better in bother taking your boat? n bed than fraggle! n n Flounders mate...how about n Jenny, if you will insist on Hagis, where are the fishies another b.boys party? n Frieda time to get the wig out having pillow fights, always this week? What do you under- Hello to the 22 going on 45 again I think!!! remember to keep the pillow case n `teacher` in twyford court, you pants smell of? - SARAH!! - Oh...... tell the caped crusader know who you are NICKY!!!! n Ayman, leave my cucumber on!!! Warren it was nice knowing him! Found alone! n n out who the super blokes were yet? n Let’s go for a pizza. Who else knows I’ve got a WEYSIDE GIRLS: You call Grrrrh! n Short of clean underwear on vibrator....! (or can everyone hear THAT a chart?!(If you wanna see n Smudge: John, Lee, who Saturday morning Steve? it...?) something LONG call by).Lov n SILLY BLOKE - I have been next?! From, L. n n Sydenham Lads xx told that you are not in the silly n CAMP - what’s the word - Daf says: Why go home for a society anymore - but I saw you DB, every time you bent down OH, you dirty bastard!!! Now now, SHAG when you can get a good n Nice knickers D.B.-NOT!!!! the Sun stopped shining. Taz degree. dressed up as Elvis at the Freshers don’t get jealous. Stop gagging for n Fair!?!Are you still up for being n it! Dama, we want to add to your Daf says: Show me the n Suz, tried to park your car late- collection. silly???? sheep!!!!! n Duracell, Don’t let your mum ly? n Canoe Club Notice board! n Iain Murray, have you missed n Rue and Mia, was it a ‘Vicars see the photos of the Canoe Club n Antonia, hope your week at these messages? meal!! Taz n DB, what happened on and Tarts’ night at the cathedral home went smoothly. n Saturday Night.... or just tarts!!!! It n Monday night then! Did you drink lights; Americans; HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON, n So Emily - It tastes all right to much Diesel or did you mean to ACTION?... lah must have been good if you went How’s about a curtain for a pre- but you get a sore throat later?? back Sunday night. sent?!! do it? W n Could you be a Sab? Find out n n Val, where are you?... Gus was n Americans aren’t judgmen- n Chem Eng Soc - Broke but Friday, 6pm, in Chancellor’s. Tricky - nice boobs - shame tal????? wondering!! about the genitals! happy n Moanna - moomin loves you n n My hairs gone orange n Would the Nasty so and so n BLOKE DJing FNO:TOP and mint areos!! Here’s to kidnapping. who walked off with my jumper arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh- music!(From 2 blokes dancing n WANTED:Weyside girl to hh!!!!!!!! n Tania... So who were you in from UOS, please give it back by BADLY by windows) come and see the sheep with me n Chancellors with? Antonia and handing it in at the Union n again !?! Astolat-Saturday, Wooden Kim want to know. Mr Tickle-8.5; Mr Funny-7.0; Bridge-Sunday, George Abbot- n Mr Wraight - Happy Birthday! Mr Noisey-5.0; Mr Sarcastic-7.5; n n OFU EGM next Tuesday to Monday What shall we do Sally H wasn’t Ever Ready on n We’re off to see the Carol, the Mr Bump-6.0 elect a new biscuit buyer. Tuesday?????? Monday but she is now!!! Taz Carol, the Carol of Hogs Head. n Ruth, What does this mean? ñ n n n Becky & Jee Good Luck with what’s hard and not easy to Tricky - we think you’re sweet n What’s pink and swims? n those exams see you X mas Love sleep with D.B? enough already!! MACBETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!OK, Hagfish! now you apologise...you know Steve n n Several embarrassing things Surrey police are prejudice n Heidi blows chunks; ... and who you are - Steve. G.A. n Tricky, put that broom away!! happened to DURACELL against purple hair Northerners! n Sean, you were right - you do n BUNNY on Monday - she ran out n Good Luck With Your Exams of juice!!-Warren. Rog and Phil know damn well n ‘Running club’ - or just an make a good pillow. Same time Mr Bump! We’ll make up for lost how to choose their placements!!! excuse to try and pull? next week, eh?!?!?!?! A. Tiger time on a bender on Friday! Love n Steve, strange things happen n n You Loads Penguin when you pass out. Sally Hanning, now don’t you n young lady, how’s GB? ....Or better still find someone become the new 1st year DB will running the London Marathon!! n n n Tricky, bit red in the face after Oi!, got beef??!! I said, got you, not if you value your wet- They say having sex is equiv- n Ti’s jobbie! beef mate??? suit!! W alent to running a mile, so should- Sydenham Road lads - You can use your engineering skills on us n n n n’t you be in the running club?!!.... The Best things in life are WEYSIDE GIRLS - TOP Tortoiseshell - if you weren’t any time!! American? lah BIRDS!! so aggressive you wouldn’t have n Brian - you can get deep with n to buy your own chocolates! me anytime you like babes! To Watch out lads it’s some n Big Baps and Ullage Director: n Gale, how many people have Kermit and Jacqui, Good Luck in falling orange hair Fancy a gin and Peach Schnapps? said “you’re dead”? n Things are getting a bit fishy Creepy Crawley, love Barbie, n The Pleasure Devil and bird do n n on SA, level 2. What say you Zippy, Bungle, Kevin and Ewok. We really are a right pair Mr Tickle, 4 women, 1 bed in Chris?! it in the bedroom. aren’t we? Thanks for being so Derbyshire...... n n Kam... thanks for driving the n David, because your gorgeous understanding! n The Door’s open, pack it in. minibus for us... OFU Wer zur Hoelle muss nun die and I live next door to you (am I n Have you ever heard a cat Runde bezahlen??? n Oi Brian where’s your man- n getting better??)_ What’s got 4 legs, a tail and scream??? n ners? goes “Booooo?” - A cow with a n Po has a tiji and bonkx for what’s pink and easy to sleep n NICE ARSE!!!!! wembley, love from Blackwater 0. n Pay homage to the Silly Girl! cold!!!! with D.B???? n Don’t understand this either ñ n To The Sex monster - Hope n The miracle sexy thing is from n Hagfish - how many spectators n I want alcohol!!! this time at Hurley? Was it as n that you have a SUPERB week- Hull is he? A bit of Northern n So the toilet wasn’t good end!!! - Yeese? Rough! many as Nottingham?!! Dear Mum, What’s daddy’s enough for you then? name this week?? Love Baby S n n n I don’t spit I swallow!!!! n big nose, shut up!!!! The Pleasure Devil says, Pointless people out there... n Steve- now you know why the “Fancy a Shag?”. pointless falling over and time n Gus is lonely...any sugges- n warps rule - here’s to lots more doors have locks! June Jensen Good Luck with n Hagfish - are you going for tions!! n those FINALS!!!! LOVE ROSIE pointlessness. Lots of love the Have a great one on Friday & JEANNIE!!! your gold medallion on the POINTLESSMASTER. n Dama, the only man with 34 night Dancing Queen and I will Thames? Notices

Bare Facts Editorial Board University ski trip to Val d’Isere Interested in being one of next £15: For spending and hour or Arabic Society AGM - 16th Meetings 6pm every Monday in the 10-17 January 1998. Everyone wel- year’s Sabbatical Officers? Then more talking about the Union and December 1997 6pm, LTE. Any Office in Union House. Open to all come. come to a meeting at 6pm today the University. Pick up forms from questions please ring 01483 450085 students. Contact Ewen on 304791 for more (Friday wk 13) in the Grant Mitchell Reception or the Communications Iranian Societ AGM Thursday information. Room. Or e-mail the returning offi- Officer. Cash on delivery. 11th or 18th Dec 6pm TB12 Graduation Ball 1998 cer ([email protected]) 12th December. Anyone interested in helping out with Grad ball please Email cs51sk Are you a student with a disabili- Student Council: Yes it’s the - if you can’t spare the time just ty or special needs? Chrissy Council, Wed 17th send your ideas. How have you been treated at the December Week 15. All course University? eg relevant support reps, union officers, reps from each Postgraduate & Mature Students needs/parking permits, etc. I’m sport club and society and everyone Needed! Did you know that there’s seeking info for my dissertaition, else. Come along it’s going to be a an association just for you? If good or bad. Any help much appre- good one. Main Union sneak pre- you’re interested please drop a note ciated - all info submitted will be view of the Christmas Ball decora- into the PGA pigeon hole in the treated as private & confidential. tions. Union. Anonymity guaranteed. Please Duke of EdinburghEvery Monday Email [email protected] Union Building: will be closed on evening 7.15-9.15pm (sessiona £1 or phone Garry on 01483 457186 Thursday 16th and Friday 17th per week) Meet 6.45pm in LT con- December in order to prepare the course Union for the Christmas Ball ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features Friday 5th December 1997 n Splish, splash I was Crossword No. 59 taking a (mud) bath.

he theme for this years SSAGO Autumn wore a towel. Alongside that was my inge- Rally was ‘Bathtime’. Now, for any stu- nious effort wherein I carried a yellow rubber Tdents amongst you that may take some duck around with me all night. What’s more explanation. A bath is that thing that you throw Ray the duck thoroughly enjoyed floating in up into when you’re sitting on the toilet. You peoples pints of John Smiths. After the barn- know? The thing with mould growing around dance it was back to site to stand by a big fire. the edge that you never clean. Anyway, the The next morning we split into our teams with theme for this semesters Rally run by Bath people from the other clubs to play the usual University Guides and Scouts (BUGS) was, for silly/messy games before chucking our muddy some reason, Bathtime and on Friday 7th tents into binbags and heading for home. November members of the University of The SSAGO (Student Scout and Guide Surrey Scout and Guide club travelled up to Organisation) rallies take place once a term. Gloucester for a weekends camping. Scout and Guide clubs from Universities all On arrival we realised that the afformentioned over the country take turns to host a weekend bath was likely to be one, weekend long mud camp for everyone else to attend. It was great Across: 6. Vestige (5) bath due to the not very well drained site and to see old faces from Bristol, Portsouth and of 1. Desert Animal (5) 7. A pine, for example (7) the lovely shower of rain constantly falling course Manchester (along with their quality 4. Acting strongly (7) 12. Uncomplimentary remark (8) from the sky. We were at least consoled by the ‘Grafften Arms’ song) as well as new people 8. Bitterness (7) 13. Frenzied (7) fact that it was still warmer than the showers from Loughborough and Wolverhampton. 9. To exercise (6) 15. To forebode (7) you get in Battersea Court. Shower caps Although some of us were dissapointed that 10. Old stringed instrument (4) 16. He keeps the furnace supplied (6) brought for the sake of fancy dress were certain members from Leeds were not there. 11. On the other side of the sheet (8) 18. Mournful song (5) donned as we attempted to put up tents in the The weekend was great fun and very entertain- 13. Wild excitement (6) 20. Stratum (5) pitch black with gale force winds blowing the ing. I mean, what can be more entertaining than 14. Smoked fish (6) 21. Just (4) tent bags all over the field. watching people slip up and fall head first in 17. Renounce the throne (8) 19. Spoken (4) Last Weeks Solution: We awoke the next morning to glorious sun- the mud? 22. Beat strongly (5) Across: 1. Hawthorn 5.stow 8.error 10.tod- shine. Or at least we would have done had it The next rally is the ‘Fish and Ship’ rally in 23. Dishonesty (7) dler 11.simmer 12. Torch 14. Haggle 16. not been pouring down with rain. Activities for Hull in February. If you want to be there then 24. Originator (7) Drudge 19.alpha 21.excise 24.neglect Saturday afternoon included going to the pub join the Scout and Guide club. If you don’t then 25. Direction-finding apparatus (5) 25.graze 26.link 27.predator in Gloucester, a vineyard tour and for the more join anyway and just don’t go. Down: 1.heed 2.warning 3.harem 4.retort sensible swimming at the local pool (with hot For more information check our web page - Down: 6.tiler 7.worthier 8.editor 13.schrapnel showers available.) http://www.surrey.ac.uk/~ma41se/ 1. Orange-pink colour (5) 15.leaden 17.distant 18.setter 20.pagon Saturday night was the traditional fancy dress Steve. 2. Huge unnatural creature (7) 22.caged 23.bear barndance. Costumes on show included a tube 3. To seem (4) 4. To trace descent (6) Compiled by Jeff Blackham of toothpaste, a shower and one bloke who just 5. Minor planet (8) Better than last year... Univeristy of Surrey Badminton in Nottingham

nce again the badminton played anyway), just in time team trudged north to Simon Hurdle for a few well deserved pints ONottingham, in a vain Chairperson and dinner. After the bar shut, hope of reaching the second we headed to one communual round of the national championships, before bedroom to drink take outs, play Jenga and tick- being dumped in the bar for the remainder of the le Sophie! weekend. Saturday morning saw all three mixed pairings We left at 4 a.m. Friday morning, (Well I didn’t lose their second round matches, unfortunate as know how long it would take to get there!), it looked as though we were going to get at least needing to arrive ready for an 11:30 start. one pair in to the third if not the fourth round. Having arrived after a farely uneventful journey In the afternoon the men achieved another ridiculously early, (i.e. we avoided hitting any- minor miracle and got two more pairs in to the thing on the M1, hint, hint Canoe Club!!) we second round. Unfortunately no-one progressed decided to search out our hotel. Situated 20 any further. However this year was our most minutes away from Nottingham University, I successful yet, which was a shame as it left very (The driver) became painfully aware that this little drinking time, but I guess it bodes well for was going to be a horribly sober weekend. next year. The evening was spent clubbing, Arriving back at Nottingham campus, the sin- drinking and yes more tickling of Sophie. gles players registered, played and promptly got Sunday was spent sleeping, travelling, currying, knocked out in the first round, after putting up drinking and sleeping in that order. Everyone valiant efforts. Strictly speaking not all of our had a great time and I urge more people to get singles entrants lost in the first round, as one of involved in a championship weekend if they our men got a bye to the second round and then can. lost. The mixed doubles faired much better Thanks to everyone who played, and it was however, with all three pairings reaching the great to see everyone getting behind their fellow second round. (The first time more than one competitors. See everyone in the Isle of Man!! Surrey person has reached the second round in 4 years.) We reached the hotel just before 10 p.m. absolutely knackered (well those who had ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 11 (1,1)

n Friday 5th December 1997 Sports 11 CAMPUSPORT UNDERSTAND SPORTS MASSAGE RUGBY.

THERAPY Some Rugby terminology from Heineken’s and the snatching is another word for an “14 men and a Hooker”: opponent squeezing them so hard your eyes People today are continuously ensures the muscles are free will water and you’ll find yourself as a treble striving to lead more healthy Andrew Goring to work through a full range “SCISSORS in the local church choir. lifestyles. We are constantly A.A.F.(Dip) of motion uninhibited by As the name suggests this is when one player being encouraged to take part muscular dysfunction, changes the direction of play by running PRETTY BOYS in one form of physical activity or another. enabling complete balance to be achieved. across the back of the man with the ball to The collective name given to the backs by the However, without access to professional assis- Massage is aimed at addressing problems take the pass. Because the man with the ball forwards on account of the back’s tendenacy tance, problems can and do develop. which can occur not just in high level sport but is concentrating on the pass it means that he to avoid irksome chores such as tackling in Exercise places tremendous stress on the ten- also in general living. Sitting hunched over a doesn’t always notice the huge opposition case they receive a cut or minor abrasion dons and ligaments, sometimes stretching computer at an uncomfortable angle can be centre who leaves him a winded mess on the- thereby ruining their gorgeous looks. them in excess and tearing the muscle fibres, just as debilitating as a hard game of squash or ground. creating soreness and stiffness. The body a long session of aerobics. DONKEYS needs proper rest to recover and there are sev- WHO CAN BENEFIT? SELLING A DUMMY The collective name given to the forwards by eral tell tale signs of incomplete recovery. Sports massage treatment can benefit people Pretending to pass the ball but actually hang- backs on account of the forwards’ tendancy These include muscle pain, joint pain, ten- of all ages and walks of life - you do not have ing onto it. Upsetting for your team mates to display all the grace and elan of the afore don/bursa inflammation, restlessness and to be an international athlete. Generally people because the opposition tackles them anyway, mentioned animal. Dropped catches and sleeping disorders which are frequently caused only consult a therapist once they have just in case they get it. wildly inaccurate passes are a particular forte by physical tension and general aches and become injured or feel pain. However, a great of the rugby donkey.” pains which people seem to accept as normal deal of aggravation can be avoided by using BAG-SNATCHING due to their gradual build up. massage as a preventative measure. The bag in question relates to your scrotum, Sports Massage is more than just a form of PREVENTION IS CHEAPER AND LESS relaxation, it is a major factor in injury pre- PAINFUL IN THE LONG RUN! IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL STUDENT vention. It is designed to work deep into the (Andy can be contacted at the Sports Massage muscles and surrounding tissue by separating and Injury Clinic on the first floor at the Sports CLUBS the muscles keeping them loose and mobile Centre. Tel: 01483 452028/Mobile: 0370 and enabling them to slide next to each other 670240) Please would all Clubs note that between Thursday 11th - instead of pulling and causing injury. Massage Tuesday 16th December examination desks will be taking up 2/3 of the Sports Centre Hall. Please contact Jackie VENUE CHANGES FOR DECEMBER Ridgers (Ext.9890) if you wish to use your Club time (after EXAMINATIONS 5.30 p.m.) during this period. AEROBIC & EXERCISE CLASSES Friday 12th December 1.00 pm Aerobics During the examination period (8th - 19th cancelled University Hall & 10th - 17th Sports Centre), Tuesday 16th December 1.00 pm Aerobic ALL CLASSES WILL TAKE PLACE AT cancelled THE SPORTS CENTRE. When you come Wednesday 17th December 5.00 pm Jiu Jitsu down ask at reception where the classes are. Evening Aerobics cancelled However, it has been necessary to cancel cer- All other classes continue as programmed, tain classes during this two week period, they subject to viable numbers. are as follows: Gradings LAST CAMPUSDANCE PERFORMANCE “WINTER HAPPENINGS II” Saturday 13th December 7.30 p.m. in PATS (apparently !!) You must not miss this annual Community Dance Showcase. It will thrill and chill with dance performances in Street Jazz, Tap, Greek, Sevillana, Contemporary, Children’s’ Jazz and many others. e remember the shear agony while the grades beat Tickets available from the Information Centre, Senate House or Sports Centre Reception Kronenberg, the Stella, Double them up. Most people gained some- (£3/£2.50 concs./£1.50 under 14s) Wthe Holstein, the drinking Trouble thing for their efforts ..... A Christmas vacation class timetable will be availabe shortly for classes taking place between games, the chunder, oh, and some- 5th - 17th January. thing about coloured belts. Some Congratulations to Clare The Spring Semester programme commences from Monday 19th January. poor person must have spent hours cleaning Greenaway, Colin Sermons, David Happy Christmas and see most of you in the New Year the sick out of the bin in the Union. One of Hamilton, John Katsaros, Maria Lackberg, love Campusport Staff our wounded was convinced after copious Pom Rochanaroon, Richard Hardwick, Rob amounts of alcohol that she could still legal- Dorey, Simon Oates and Steph Winfield for CAMPUS DANCE ly be in control of a set of crutches. gaining their yellow belts. Especially to Maria for achieving the honour of being Many of the participants will Where Hannah and Dave really went is still invited to the memorial of the former head of Preview of Campus Philippa Newis dance performances be students, so if you ever a mystery. The other question is: why did style, who died of cancer aged 37 earlier this wonder where your house John and Clare leave at the same time? year. Also well done to Jon Hancock for mate went on Monday night scantily clad in achieving his orange belt and to Siobhan have to confess that I mislead you in my Corbett for improving hers. last article, so I know that you will be over- leotard and tights here is your chance to find Des, our instructor, didn’t have too much to joyed to learn that there is one final chance out. In addition, many of the performers are drink, because he never does that. His phone I members of the local community, both adults before Christmas to go and see a dance perfor- rang in the early hours to see if he could and children, so come and find out how the mance on campus. make it home unaided - he promptly ended university gets, quite literally, actively Winter Happenings II is an evening made up up in a bush as he tried to ride his bike. involved in our local community with this of performances from the various classes that Simon probably ended up in a bush as well take place weekly on the campus dance pro- unique and extensive dance programme. This event always proves immensely popular, but no-one knows, although that would gramme. The show is the culmination of ten explain the mud in his bed. weeks hard work by participants and teachers. so tickets are sometimes scarce. Don’t let this It is an informal, lively, evening, with dozens put you off, however, tickets are a mere £2 for It had been a hard grading but fortunately of dance styles to suit all tastes. However, I students - a bargain for a Saturday night’s feel obliged to warn you that the evenings will entertainment if you ask me. For more details there were not too many injuries. The mugs not fail to leave you itching to sign up for a phone: 01483 259392 that appeared to do well at their yellow belts course next semester. were asked to stay on for another half hour of ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sports Friday 5th December 1997 n Rugby Seconds taste victory Woohoo!!! Surrey Stingers 30 Kent Falcons 8.

urrey went to Canterbury last five times for a total loss of 51 Sunday knowing that we yards! Infact the Surrey Defense Sneeded a win if we were to be limited the entire Kent team to a in Playoff contention this season. total of just 6 yards rushing! The We started very brightly, with the Offense grew in confidence as the Offensive linemen really opening game wore on, running all over up some big holes in the Kent Kent. There was some powerful Defense for the backs to run into. running up the middle from Rob On the other side of the ball, the Scruby and Pete Hogben made Surrey Defense was also pushing some brilliant sweeps up the side- Kent around, containing them for line. Dan Brice made some great most of the First Half. At Halftime catches, the best of which was his the score was 12-8 thanks to a bril- second Touchdown which he liantly executed Reverse from Dan seemed to grab from right under a Brice and a powerful Goaline surge Kent players nose! Man of the from all the Offensive linemen, Match though had to go to Mr. Ed. allowing Mr. Ed to dive in for his He finished the match with 3 first score. During the break, the Touchdowns and over 100 yards in Defense was ticked off for losing its total rushing! Not bad, when you intensity, but normal service was consider he’s only been a resumed in the Second Half in a big Runningback for 3 weeks! way! By the end of the game, the Go French-type dude!!! Kent Quaterback had been sacked (Duncan)

Photo: Nathan ‘Link’ Dickie’s Column s the mist gathered upon the By Phil Parkinson. fidence was boosted immediately after Varsity Centre pitches, the the interval by a try from yours truly, ALions that are the Rugby 2nd after perception from Pride leader he main topic of conversa- deny that they are undisbutedly the XV gathered for a clash against the pride that threatened Jeremy in taking a quick tap in our own half, offloading tion this weekend has once best team in England at the moment their territory, those that branded themselves ‘LSE’. to outstanding debutant Jeff at full-back, who in turn Tunsurprisingly been the (4-0 against previously unbeaten passed to the Number 8 to score in the corner. 5-5. More rugby once again, as our Northern Blackburn) and they finally have a Without a kill on home turf to satisfy their hunger, a sac- battles ensued, including a disallowed Rob Sheffield Hemisphere teams struggle to com- great chance of winning the rifice was needed. The encounter began with a whim- ‘try’, until with a mere 10 minutes remaining, hooking pete against the might of the European Cup, although the result per, a few scrums dotting the opening minutes in which Penfold won an opposition scrum near their line, setting Southern Hemisphere champions. in Turin should be a better indica- neither side imposed themselves. Suddenly, a young up the skipper to crash over from 5 yards. 10-5. Needing Unfortunately, we did not even earn tion of their chances. However it is cub from the opposition roared into action, weaving a to hang on, Surrey put up some sterling work in the right to be gallant losers this not just United: Aston Villa have path through the desperate efforts of the home defence, defence, before the hooker scored in the last minute to time, and I certainly cannot see that given themselves a great chance of who realized bad tackling had cost them 5 points just seal it by 15 points to 5. Thus with their pride intact, the changing in the short term. going through; Newcastle could before the interval. Although behind, the Lions warriors left the arena, leaving their prey to depart with Maybe the problem that we have is have qualified if only they had a remained confident of regaining lost ground. Their con- tails between legs.... that we want to excell in all sports. recognised forward player and We have to win the World Cup in Chelsea would appear to have France; beat the All Blacks; win already wrapped up the Cup- Olympic Golds; win Wimbledon; Winners Cup. I’m not going to talk win the Ashes.. The list goes on about foreign players in the English and on and it is a tall order to expect game, but they are undoubtably a nation as small as ours to be com- raising the profile of Football which petitve in all of them. can only be a good thing for foot- However, it would appear that we ball, but I wonder if Athletics, are back on track in footballing cricket, tennis, and rugby are quite terms. Manchester United have so happy? showed once again this week that they are indeed a team to be reck- Richard Saulet oned with at any level of the game. Love them or hate them, no one can ....The Results.....The Results....The Results.....Resul

Sporty Thang The Enemy Us Them Sporty Thang The Enemy Us Them FOOTBALL M1 SUSSEX 2 7 HOCKEY W1 THAMES VALLEY 4 1 FOOTBALL M2 NO GAME HOCKEY W2 NO GAME FOOTBALL M3 BUC 1 8 NETBALL 1 BOURNEMOUTH 29 52 FOOTBALL M4 BUC 1 5 NETBALL 2 NO GAME FOOTBALL W1 NO GAME RUGBY M1 LSE 12 8 BADMINTON M1 NO GAME RUGBY M2 LSE 15 5 BADMINTON M2 NO GAME RUGBY W1 NO GAME BADMINTON W1 NO GAME SQUASH M1 NO GAME BASKETBALL BRIGHTON 57 77 SQUASH M2 NO GAME FENCING NO GAME SQUASH W NO GAME GOLF PORTSMOUTH 1 1/2 4 1/2 VOLLEYBALL M NO GAME HOCKEY M1 NO GAME VOLLEYBALL W NO GAME HOCKEY M2 READING 1 10 TENNIS M NO GAME TENNIS W NO GAME

HURRAH FOR CRICKET AND POINTLESS APPEALING - AFTER A VERY EXCITING BOWL OFF (CHEERS PETE AND WESTY) WE MADE IT THROUGH TO THE FINAL AND “NARROWLY” LOST TO BRIGHTON DESPITE FORREST’S GALLANT ATTEMPS AT A CENTURY! THANKS FOR A ‘POINTLESS’ DAY, HERE’S TO KIDNAPPING! LOVE CAZ ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 13 (1,1) ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 14 (1,1) ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 15 (1,1) ED971205Issue 923.qxd 07/05/98 16:21 Page 16 (1,1)