Women's Transformative Experiences in the Wilderness of The

Walking Home: Women’s Transformative Experiences in the Wilderness of the Appalachian Trail By Merry J. Cobum A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Psychology Institute of Transpersonal Psychology Palo Alto, California February 5,2006 I certify that I have read and approved the content and presentation of this dissertation: Irene Lazarus, Ph.D., Cofpihittee Chairperson Date Nancy Rowe, Ph.D., Committee Member Date Dominie Cappaddnna, ia,Ph..D., Ph..D., Committee Member Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. UMI Number: 3221761 Copyright 2006 by Coburn, Merry J. All rights reserved. INFORMATION TO USERS The quality of this reproduction is dependent upon the quality of the copy submitted. Broken or indistinct print, colored or poor quality illustrations and photographs, print bleed-through, substandard margins, and improper alignment can adversely affect reproduction. In the unlikely event that the author did not send a complete manuscript and there are missing pages, these will be noted. Also, if unauthorized copyright material had to be removed, a note will indicate the deletion. ® UMI UMI Microform 3221761 Copyright 2006 by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights reserved. This microform edition is protected against unauthorized copying under Title 17, United States Code. ProQuest Information and Learning Company 300 North Zeeb Road P.O. Box 1346 Ann Arbor, Ml 48106-1346 Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. Copyright © Merry Cobum, 2006 All Rights Reserved ii Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. Abstract Walking Home: Women’s Transformative Experiences in the Wilderness of the Appalachian Trail by Merry J. Coburn This qualitative study explored the nature of psychospiritual transformation experienced by 12 mid-life women who walked over 2,000 miles on the Appalachian Trail (A.T.). Transformation was defined as a significant change in a person’s functioning characterized as expanded self-understanding, a connection with Spirit, and a commitment to service. All but one participant walked the length of the trail during a 12- month period of time, and all identified themselves as deeply changed. The study incorporated two transpersonal research approaches: Organic Inquiry and Intuitive Inquiry. Evidence included the participants’ embodied writing related to the wilderness of the A.T., spoken stories about their transformative experience, and created or chosen visual images of transformation. Their experiences matched Clements’ (2000) description of transformation. Wilderness themes that emerged from the women’s writing included encountering the embodied feminine, dissolving boundaries between the self and the wild, experiencing acceptance, being in relationship, everything as it should be, connected, challenging, trustworthy, sensual, vast, timeless, ever changing. Transformative themes that emerged and were portrayed through stories included a deep connection within the self, with others, and with the environment; feeling competent; trusting; a sense of presence; becoming an authentic self; desiring to be of service; experiencing a sense of wonder; and creativity. Stages in their transformation experience iii permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. recalled the tale of descent and rebirth disclosed in the Sumerian myth of Innana. The women’s experiences included beginning in darkness, arriving at the crossroads, the descent, experiencing compassion, retrieving the embodied self, experiencing rebirth, and coming home. The collective evidence strongly suggested the emergence of a more integrated and expansive level of psychospiritual development, accompanied by evidence of service and creative expression, following an extended encounter with wilderness. The study may have important implications for the field of women’s studies, transpersonal psychology, and ecopsychology. IV Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. Acknowledgements I am grateful for the inspiration, cooperation, trust, and caring received while conducting this study. No one does this kind of work alone. First and foremost I wish to acknowledge my profound gratitude for the presence of Spirit in my life. It has been a continuing source of guidance, my connection to wilderness, and a necessary kindling for the creative fires. Sincere thanks and endless admiration go to the courageous women whose stories form the basis for this study. Without their willingness to share experiences of transformation with a total stranger, this work would have been impossible. Deep appreciation goes to my committee chairperson, Dr. Irene Lazarus for her masterful direction of the project and for her guidance in the area of women’s psychospiritual development. Committee members, Drs. Nancy Rowe and Dominie Cappadonna contributed their wisdom, their profound understanding of wilderness, and their enthusiastic support for this investigation. I am grateful to both Dr. William Braud and Dr. Rosemarie Anderson for their masterful teaching of transpersonal research skills. Dr. Darcy Horton provided fine editorial assistance and heartfelt encouragement during difficult times. Dr. Charles Fisher helped refine my interview questions, allowing the hikers’ stories to unfold naturally. The Appalachian Trail Conference provided invaluable assistance in locating thru-hikers who might participate in the study. My path to a deep encounter with wilderness spans many years. Inspiring teachers, friends, and mentors provided a light along the way. I am grateful to my parents who were my first teachers, inspiring an early love and respect for wilderness. Sincere appreciation is offered to my mentor and friend, Karen Mackie who introduced me to a woman’s way of knowing during the early years of graduate work. Dr. Rex Olson v permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. became an invaluable sounding board for my ideas throughout the process and a faithful guide in exploring the mysteries of the soul. Finally, my heartfelt thanks go to the people who helped care for my physical, emotional, and spiritual well being during a long journey. John Cobum nurtured and fed me and helped me solve endless computer problems. Cynthia Henby kept me grounded through my yoga practice. Sparrow Hart taught me to listen more deeply to the voice of wilderness. This endeavor owes its existence to the love, guidance, and support of these individuals and to many others who believed in the project and in me. vi Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. Epigram The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice— though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to bum through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do— determined to save the only life you could save. Mary Oliver, 1986 from Dream Work vii Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. Prologue Transformation has been a gradual unfolding for me, and wilderness has been a container for that experience. Over the years I instinctively yearned for wilderness whenever I felt lost or broken. Wild places have the power to sooth and heal me. Yet I still feel fear in the darkness, a place beyond my control. I will always be small in the forest or on the top of a mountain. Wild places inspire my wonder and respect. They have fostered a shift in my consciousness, calling me back to myself. Wilderness has been the catalyst and the container for my transformation. A wilderness experience begins for me with a deep sense of re-connection. My body resonates with the place. Being in wilderness is an invitation to open and receive. My breathing grows full as I walk deeper into its mystery. I sigh and stretch under the canopy of trees. My skin relaxes and my palms open. My hands turn outward as if connecting with the energy of the place. Closing my eyes I feel the tree roots sinking deep into the humus packed soil as I sink into a deeper, more expansive realm of knowing. My conscious, planning mind relaxes, and an invisible barrier begins to dissolve. This memory of wilderness is deep and organic. Life has often disclosed itself in surprising ways there. Perception tells as much about the perceiver as the object of perception (Nhat Hanh, 2004). Just as the mirror throws images back and forth endlessly, no one can say where it all began. Who is looking? Who is seen? Closing my eyes I see myself standing alone in the depths of the redwood forest on a hill over Monterey Bay. I smell the loam and fungus in the shadows of the great overarching trees. This pungent aroma, so rich viii permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission. with possibility is a reminder of my own fertile, female body. The forest and I are lovers. We are one being, defined as two by virtue of a thin membrane of skin that separates us. The forest’s silence envelops me, providing metaphors for my life. Experiences of wilderness appear often in my dreams. They work their way into the deepest parts of me, returning me to my essential self. Countless wilderness adventures have been part of my waking life. A disappearing path through the forest is an irresistible call to follow.

Load more