iisiiil

.....

Cover: Rectoi ion Time - The Answ< la, p3 ! Rector's Question Time:

'I don't think that starving is the next option'

Sir Eric Ash, Rector of Imperial College, took part in a question and answer session on Monday evening. Over a hundred students listened as Sir Eric fielded questions on a'wide range of student and non student issues. Union President , Mr Paul Shanley, chaired the discussion and took both prepared and spontaneous questions from the floor. Despite the controversial nature of many of the topics raised the atmosphere remained relaxed and somewhat informal. Although many questions centered on student concerns, money and accommodation - the lack of it, the presence of college staff ensured a broader base to the discussion. The most notable aspect of the discussion was the circular nature of many problems facing both student and staff alike; at the centre of that circle was money. In Sir Eric's own words 'people might find it hard to believe but before I came to Imperial I was not obsessed with money.' In answer to the question 'Now that the binary divide has gone, and that some polytechnics in London may achieve University status, is it time that Imperial should reconsider the benefits of London University and investigate opting out?' Sir Eric stated 'we haven't stopped thinking about it (opting out)'. He continued that althrinoh Imrwiiil '^a "6" iO run our own (university)', with Imperial Caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea gaining little benefit in terms of cut price deals organised through the University of investment of a loan. frustrated at the delay caused by a London, the academic 'riches are The Rector did admit that financing of characteristically lengthy consultative fantastic' Sir Eric went on to advocate a loans for accommodation was partly process that included a student union, course unit system where students could funded by student rents and it was this college wide referendum. The Rector mix and match their degree choosing factor that influenced the steep rent rises stated that this issue was 'not a good from not just one but all the collegiate proposed for next year. In answer to the example for the application of members of the University of London. widely held belief that Imperial in democracy.' The Rector also said that 'the Sir Eric proved unflappable in the face common with other London colleges conservatism of the staff is exceeded by of searching questions about the future of could be pricing itself out.of the market the conservatism of the students.' Montpelier Hall and postgraduate SirEric replied 'the grants are greater in According to Sir Eric a lengthened accommodation in general. Commenting London than they are elsewhere'. This college day would not result in increased on the handling of the Montpelier sale to comment was received with polite lectures but the more effective use of date Sir Eric admitted ' I think we've derision from the assembled students. college facilities. Sceptical students made a terrible mess of it ', a comment Realising his mistake the Rector sobered wondered how a longer day tied in with on the allegedly shoddy way the residents up and said 'rent is the key issue'. One the Rector's proposal that students should of the hall have been treated and the student said that he had such little money be prepared to take on part-time work. uncertainty over exactly how long they he couldn't afford to live but the Rector Looking to the future and for a few had left in Montpelier. Sir Eric did seem a said 'I don't think that starving is the next brief moments away from the bank little confused saying on the one hand option.' The Rector's dual solution to balance the Rector did not see student 'there is no definite plan to sell the hall' student's financial problems involved numbers increasing in the coming years. and added 'but we're broke.' However borrowing money and earning money. He He did foresee a turn 'toward the the Rector did admit 'I hope we won't but said that his American wife Clare held up postgraduate side' but remained we probably will.' The Rector raised the to seven jobs to work her way through committed to Imperial's undergraduate controversial topic of the Clayponds her university . courses. Sir Eric linked his proposal for a purchase independently of any question. These comments provoked further unified course system with the inclusion He connected the issue as an illustration controversy when the sensitive subject of of a more varied humanities programme. of how much cheaper accommodation the lengthening of the college day was Sir Eric told the sorry tale of Imperial's becomes the further it is from college and raised. The Rector is determined to see one and only philosopher; he left because defended the buy as not simply the his proposals for a longer college day put he didn't have ahy other philosophers to creation of further debt but the sound into practice as soon as possible and is talk to. 2 ULU's aid to Romania

Members of the Royal College of Science the buildings and the toys will help in the Union (RCSU) are taking part in a relief care of the children as the main aim of operation to Romania this summer. the operation is to improve the In Brief Martin Heighway, a postgraduate student, environment of the orphanage and add a of the RCSU is co-ordinating the little humanity to lives of the children in Beit Theft A student living on the second floor of mobilisation of twelve helpers to Zvoristia them. the New Hostel, Beit Hall, was burgled Moldavia. These volunteers will work in Relief in the guise of supplies is of no last Friday afternoon. The student left his an orphanage for mentally handicapped use to Romania's orphans said Mr room unlocked while he cooked in the children which is over crowded and Heighway, and he told of a recent kitchen at the end of second floor contains mant children with the AIDS convoy from the German section of St corridor. His wallet was removed from virus. Johns ambulance which was packed with his room and its contents emptied out on The aid organisation 'Romania Aid UK' provisions that was refused entry at the the floor of the men's toilets nearby, the contacted the RCSU through a St Johns Romanian border. He said that there money being taken. College security said ambulance group from University of were incidences of relief supplies ending that they knew nothing of the incident. London Union which requested fifteen up on the Romanian black market, as had volunteers, but to date almost thirty been widely reported in the national Promotion people have come forward. Mr Heighway press. Dr Anne Dell, a reader in the intends to take up to twelve volunteers to Apart from helping in the orphanage, biochemistry department, has been made Romania using union mini-buses. The which is the main objective of the trip, a professor. Dr Dell studied for her first group will set out late on the evening of the group also plans to make contact with degree in chemistry at the University of Friday 12th July and the itself will take the local universities. They hope to Western Australia and continued with a up to three days covering two thousand encourage university members to play a Phd. at Cambridge. Speaking yesterday, miles each way. The group plans to take more active role in the care of children Dr Dell said she was 'very happy' with one rest day before starting work in the in the orphanage. her appointment, which will take effect orphanage and the drivers will return to Part of Mr Heighway's responsibilities from October. London within a week, leaving the as transport officer is to search for Dr Dell's research is funded by the remaining volunteers in Romania for up sponsorship to contribute to the trip's Medical Research Council and recent to several weeks. considerable travel costs. The operation work on tissue plasminogen activator has Mr Heighway stressed that the purpose has already received £1000 sponsorship resulted in its successful use in the of the operation was not to take in from IC Rag. On behalf of the RCSU, Mr treatment of heart attacks. supplies but to actually work in the Heighway said 'we're very grateful'. orphanage. The minibuses will be Potential sponsors should contact Mr BOC New Deal? carrying paint and cuddly toys in addition Heighway through the RCSU, office on Mr Ian Greaves, the purchasing manager to people and their belongings. The paint 071 225 8675. at IC, is examining new proposals for the is to improve the internal environment of payment of IC's annual gas bill. Until recently Imperial was part of a blanket agreement made between BOC and British universities. According to Mr Greaves this contract meant that 'big guys propped up little guys', so that major users such as Imperial and University College paid slightly more for their gas and thereby subsidised smaller scale customers. BOC has presented restructuring proposals that still keep the universities under one umbrella, although the larger subscribers have their costs reduced at the expense of the smaller ones. Mr Greaves said that he would have to make a 'more comprehensive evaluation' of the plan before he decided whether to accept it or not. MBA Fees Up The Management School's MSc course in Management has been retitled the MBA in Management. Mr Roger Betts, the course director, said that the change in title was not related to the increase in course fees from £3,500 to £4,500. He said that the decision to raise the fees was made last October while the retitlement was only confirmed within the last six weeks. Mr Betts said that the current fee level was on a par with other MBA courses. He added that the term 'MBA' was a 'better title' for the course, reflecting its broad- based nature as opposed to the more The driving force behind the relief operation specialised nature of MSc courses. I .SO Taming of the Shrew

London Symphony Orchestra "The trouble with some women is conducted by Sir George Solti they get all worked up about Mozart Symphony no 35 'Haffner' nothing and then they marry him." Mahler Symphony no 5 Barbican Hall, Cher. May 9th The play is advertised as being SEXIST! The LSO gave a fine interpretation of "They have a right to work wherever the Haffner; crisply performed, accurate they want to - as long as they have and surefooted. In fact, the orchestra dinner ready when you get home."- galloped though it with such immense John Wayne. But it wasn't! ease and proficiency that it was clear this The play was performed at a tiny little was an easy warm up for the main piece theatre above the Rose pub on the of the evening. Whilst it is understandable Fulham Road. It's cheap, friendly and the that lesser orchestras would want to save beer's good. The Rose Theatre Club was themselves for the more demanding founded by the american Robin grandeur of Mahler's fifth, it is Brockman, who plays Petrucio (the disappointing that an orchestra of the numero uno sexist). The Theatre Club LSO's capabilities felt it had to give itself believes that Shakespeare was a nom de such an easy ride. plume of Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Carping aside, on to the Mahler. This is Oxford. But no matter what your views a performance that the audience in the on the writer are the performance was Barbican were priviliged to hear. From excellent and well worth the trip to the the perfection of the opening trumpet pub. fanfare (Maurice Murphy) to the final The use of women as the servants resounding chord, this was an allowed an interesting relationship to interpretation and execution to be develope between themselves and their treasured. "masters" which, when coupled with the Solti added new twists and to what is a size of the auditorium, led to a very well-loved and, dare one say it, well worn intimate performance. piece. The effect was achieved in several The play was described as "a comedy ways: through fine ensemble playing and on the art of training a wife". However (excluding Mondays), start 7.30 pm and first class performances by the soloists; the impression given was that Katherina costs £4 to students and a fiver to other through unusual shifts of emphasis and (Caroline Lawrie) was actually using bods. It's a good play and we really liked balance between sections of the orchestra Petrucio for her own gain, thus altering it, so get your arses down there, if only (a characteristic also heard in the Mozart, the original sexist concept of the play. for the beer. where dominant brass crispened The play is running until the 15th June Totty traditionally soggy passages); and through control of the acoustics so that both the loudest and quietest passages filled the hall without distortion. The effect was particularly noticeable in Sibling Rivalry the Scherzo, normally a tiresome experience for the audience, which Appreciation of this film will depend bubbled with irony and excitement. The on the audience's level of taste. If Hend-a-Bike first movement was simply stunning: its bad you'll like it. For example, PETER THOMAS frightening, moving and truly compelling. the height of humour in this film revolves The brilliance was temporarily mislaid in around the removal of the last used the Adagettio in the final movement, but condom from a long term stiff (no pun recaptured in the rondo finale for a intended)(honest guv). stirring finish. The ale itself is of a sexually repressed Liz W girl,-married to a boring man who has an orgasmic fling with her husband's brother, who (inevitably) croaks. Along with a salesman who feels equally guilty for a reason I can't remember, she desperately tries to hide the body before her BICYCLE husband's tight knit family discover. The REPAIRS —Film consequences, as the synopsis inevitably SALES tells us, are hilarious. AND ACCESSORIES Nothing special is the best way I can describe this film. It is a mediocre comedy that won't excite anyone to —Theatre 4-6 Effie Road much, but will probably do quite well on Fulham, London SW6 ITD video. It also goes to prove that Kirstie 071-371 S867 Alley should stay in Cheers, and that —Concert Carrie Fisher's film career has been in a steady spiral since Star Wars'. I'm glad that she's having better luck with the writing. Pendragon One tired, deranged pomegranate opens the floodgates.

Beneath Tremendous

I - Martyn Crucefix will be reading from his book of poetry, |'Beneath Tremendous Rain', on Thursday 13th June at 4:45 pm, in the Haldane Library. Come and celebrate words.

MARTYN CRUCEFIX: BENEATH and "Heloise" two such, appropriately TREMENDOUS RAIN enough, crammed with rich, gorgeous Book I love my brother. Regardless of what He images. Yes. I will eat the whole peach. is, what He may become, He exists "Barkbrod" is deathly, cancerous, a Editorial: forever in my favourite memories. malignant fear; it does not waste time Are we so hide-bound by language that "Blackcurrant wine" opens this collection with threats, there is no "when". It to substitute one scrawled stone for of poems; so beautifully evocative a attacks, and it's attack is terminal. another is the height of our ingenuity? collage of sensations and memories, I The true god ode herein, though, is That's one quote. It is more from recall the parallel development, I drink of "Rosetta". There are few things I loathe carelessness of questioning than the wine. My mother said I would never more than bullshit masquerading as inytentionally misleading that there is so have a better friend, even when I could poetry, and I delighted in a poem of much evil in the world. And another. not contemplate wanting to hurt anyone some fairly awesome significance Maybe you'd like to consider these. more. emerging from the contemporary world. I want to meet this man. "Drowned It's metaphor is Woman, mistreated by Shelley" leaps from the page with the man through his lack of sensitivity and sort of malice that reminds me of one of understanding. Language appears as my poems, "In Calmer Waters". In patient victim in a state so realistic as to respect of theme and imagery, it was be truly apalling. Well, I have a peach quite disconcerting to alight to. The most and a pomegranate. The romance of annoying thing is that this man used the Shelley and the bluntness of D.H. same idea as myself, that of representing Lawrence. Thank You. This reader will the death of an aesthete aesthetically. continue to hope. Okay, so I, ahem, borrowed the idea Euph. from "Adonais" and "Dorian Gray", but 1 :&MYi Y Yv; Y Y Y - Y Y: \: that's poetic licence. And only two poems „..:.:.,......'...:. discussed. Bugger. I wanted to laud and rant about "A Cat", "A Woman of Kokoschka's", "Drunk" and so on. Poignant honesty vitriolic wit... a sometimes exquisite sense of the clumsiness of humanity (both concept and species), blah blah blah. I could go on and on. Bastard Editor. This volume is crammed with gems, "Jeremy Round"

When did the hieroglyphic die? At what last click of which chisel, . . ' , ' what scratch of stylus or dousing of which inky brush did old Egypt begin her dumb millennium? In the echoing of that small moment imagine Pharaoh's voice mouthing ever more obscurely another remedy for preventing coming out a snake its hole, another remedy preventing and being buried under a dull, pyramid. Where is the quail chick? II Photograph of Rosetta Stone courtesy of Where the folded cloth? Where the owl, the British Museum. Photograph of Martin the wick of twisted flax, where the hill? Crucifix, and extract of 'Rosetta', courtesy of Enitharmon Press. Gone under, sealed up, quite still. Parrot Fashion FEATURES

Rare endangered parrots were the subject The expedition succeeded in achieving mining, illegal settlement leading to of study for an Imperial College its aims and collected information for the deforestation and cattle ranching. The expedtion, "Parrots in Peril". The team of protection of natural areas and thier expedition's results are important as they four British based students and three associated wildlife. Sadly, only one of the add both to the limited knowledge of the Ecuadorian counterparts were led by Paul study species, the White-necked Conure park's wildlife and the growing concern Toyne of the Biology Department. was found, which is thought to number of the park's destruction. Information on the status of and current less than a thousand individuals. The The team plans to return to continue threats to parrots is urgently needed as expedition was able to record its calls the work in 1992 and are currently fund one in thirteen of all threatened bird and vocalizations, observed immatures, raising. Attractive 'Parrots in Peril' T- species are parrots. The work was in indicating breeding within the Podocarpus shirts are available. Choose from three conjunction with the International Council National Park and collected information colours; dark or light green or blue, all for Bird Preservation (ICBP) as part of on their feeding ecolgy. Four foods on white cotton shirts (in all sizes). their plan for South American parrots. sources have been identified. All of this Searching for parrots in the forests of information is new. Prices: Short-Sleeved @ £8 waged, £7 Ecuador proved to be a difficult task, Most of the work took place in the student. Long-Sleeved - add £2 extra despite the loss of valuable equipment, Podocarpus National Park in Southern encountering tear gas attacks and Ecuador and involved the participation Anyone interested should contact either contracting scabies, the expedition was a and training of three Ecuador University Paul on extention 7461 or Sachin on success. students. The park is sadly threatened by 081-570-7934(eves).

6 Aquacise CLLBS

Now that most of you have finished your exams, its about time you lost some of ...... ; ...... the pounds that have been put on since sitting on your backsides revising. Acquacise is a new way of keeping fit, which has just come to IC. This is basically aerobics in a swimming pool with the similar stretching and toning exercises that are done in gymnasiums. However, they claim that this is a much 9p more relaxing and refreshing way of getting into shape than the stress associated with jogging and aerobics. Classes are held every Wednesdays at the Imperial Sports Centre, with students being charged £1 and everybody else £2. Non swimmers are welcome as it is completely safe as well as being lots of fun, plus they are taught how to swim. The centre also offers free nutritional advice. So if you are interested, why not pop along to one of their sessions, and try to loose some of those excess pounds in an easy and effective way.

hours of the best music around, plus Ten have another chance this week. Simply at Ten, The Stars and competitions. So fill in the form below and hand it in to getup and get down on London's only either the FELIX office or directly to IC student radio station, IC Radio, on 999 radio. If this is too difficult a task, you IC Radio kHz AM, and on speakers around the can also e-mail your selections to campus. khs@doc. A draw will be made (if enough And for those of you who haven't of u bother to fill out the forms below) bothered to hand in their top three all and the lucky person will be able to win The breakfast crew are here every time favourite singles (which means the a CD/LP/tape of his/her choice from the weekday morning from 8-10 with two vast majotiy of inept IC students) you current charts.

Imperial College Music Chart 90-91

Artist Single

2

3

Name Department The Sarah Jamboree Night Out -Camden Underworld 27/5/91 Dr Phibes Spitting fire and venom the band take the of music The Pastels did a million times MLSIC stage dressed to the nines in red and better five years ago. The singer, who black drapes, brushing good to the winds can't sing, lets out occasional primal -Camden Underworld and throwing freshly decapitated babies screams to no effect. The whole set-up 31/5/91 into the audience for them to abuse in lacks urgency or insistency. Only on their post-gig satanic rituals. Coming on stage last song, where they rock-out,are the This is weird shit, weird shit for weird to the tune of Wagner they deliver post- urgency and desperation inherent in the people. The kind of people that think apoclaypse brimstone rock .sounding like screams made to seem real. Throughout buggering a Rhino with a ten foot pole is a mixture of Slayer and the MC5, into a only the sexy maiden in shiny black PVC fun. Not the kind of people that go to crowd of baying zombies eager to suck on the keyboards is the only one to concerts and stand rocklike in a swirling the life-force from anything living. Except shimmer. mass of people. none of the bands tonight do anything Finally The Orchids take the stage. State of Grace were good, though not remotely like this. It's so easy to slag off With three guitarists they certainly have bands on Sarah records, especially when that good, she sounded like the singer the means to create a wider, richer you've never heard any of them (like from Throwing Muses. Kingmaker were texture of sounds. The singer has a much me), and accuse them of being anally poppier voice, though he has little stage better, three men, two guitars and a retentive C86 indie kids. Tohight Sarah presence, and the songs are much more drummer from Hull. A good drummer opened my eyes. jaunty and uplifting than those of The from Hull. Wake. More so the band themselves are Dr. Phibes came on stage and began. First up were the Sweetest Ache who into what they're playing and Well, they didn't really begin, more like didn't bode too well at first, appearance correspondingly the audience respond. they happened. He looked out, out past wise, staring at their feet, no movement etc.. but soon their music took over. One song sounds like where 90's guitar the crowd to somewhere I can only Though they had the little boy lost lyrics pop meets The Byrds (surprise! surprise!) guess. What he saw I cannot say, what I (I'm so sad, I have no girlfriend, I'm going playing Dylan's 'It's All Over Now.Baby saw I can and will. to sit in the rain and have a cigarette) the Blue'. The energy is vibrant in all the They played for an hour, each song (if music came head on like across between songs and there is a cool piano sound such a conventional word can be used) Spacemen 3 at the height of their drone- popping up on several tracks. The band is bleeding into the next. The hiss and rock phase meeting A.R.Kane's '69' in unafraid to rock-out and are convincing scream of the previous numbers death blissful oceanic splendour. Most definitely every time they do, either in short growing into the giant cacophony of the head music for bright, sun-blenched staccato-sharp bursts or for more next momentous creation. dopers. sustained periods coming over all Each number was more like a feeling, Unfortunately The Wake, who followed, MudTjoney-like on us (though a bit the melody changing subtly throughout were not good. They produced a murky cleaner;we're on Sarah we are!). As its glorious life, moving from the height blend of indie-pop meets the farfasa someone semi-famous once said:"Two out of exultation to the mellow depths of organ-for a change- and ended up of three ain't bad". Tonight I entered a contemplation. sounding like a bad House Of Love heretic and left a convert. Sugerblast, the only recognisable 'song', (believe me its possible). This is the sort Dominic captured the entire set in five minutes. The slow intro hiding the more vagarious middle and the positively manic ending. Black -Black LP This is brilliant weird shit, and anybody Jefferson that knows me knows I'm weird too. Pebbles Close your eyes.at the end of the Airhead sentence natch.pick a number between 1 and 3,open your eyes and see which -Scrap Happy 7" review you have. Pixies (1) I don't normally judge a record by its Why? sleeve,but this sleeve is so bad I never Why what? -Planet of Sound 12" actually bothered to play the record. Why do the record companies send us (2) They really are complete bollocks stuff like this piece of sixties quiche, er, aren't they?Not that I actually listened to kitchen, er, kitsch from a band with its Where Pixies go ape-shit heavy metal in the record. head so far up some hippy's arse it's the old garage indowntown New Yawk (3) My pet iguana shat all over the record beyond hope? where the old Sonic Youth used to jam. before I could play it. Why don't they send us something good Powerchords a-go-go throb and even Dominic like New Kids On The Block's new single though they've become mad metal or something? muthas y'know it's still Pixies due to the Why do they sign bands like this, given discordant noises which keep popping up. the fact that they are paid not to have a Kerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrunch!! Melodies large piece of edam in their ears? remain, subleties do not. Rat-a-tat-tat. Why did our esteemed ents chairman Pixies rock you like you're gonna die decide that this excuse for a band should tomorrow and I wish it could be 1965 be deemed fit to play on the ONLY band again! Summer! Sea! 1966 it's Eight Miles night this term? High. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Why don't Jefferson Airhead just leave yeah, Pixies are cool. I wanna be in us alone? AC/DO. No I don't, blah, blah, blah, yeah, Answers on a cuttlefish to the Felix yeah, yeah. The other three songs on the office. The first correct answer out of the record are very nice too. One is sung in budgie cage will win this single, if you Spanish. Pixies, where it ain't heavy to be want it. hard. Scrap Happy? Crap Crappy more like. Dominic Go away you annoying band. Lise Yates Catherine Drinking tequilla, and quaffing highly illegal and dangerous narcotics like the Wheel -Something EP world is going to end tomorrow we took MLSIC the Marakesh Express from Croydon to The essential word here is 'cascading'. Sarf Ken, weaving through the streets the Sums it up really. Catherine Wheel driver flat-out fucked going a billion miles cascade. Their guitars cascade. The stage an hour we took our lives in our sweaty cascades. Its hard to escape the ever -Perpetual Dawn 12" palms and hoped Ulysees would forgive growing post-Va/enfine tag, and granted it us for we were offending the great god applies here, but Catherine Wheel stride himself but at this point we were too far confidently ahead of their over-exposed When not creating wispy ambient music gone to care about some poxy Greek neighbours Moose and Ride, to whom for the E generation, Dr. Alex Patterson - idiot and were looking forward to a they draw the closest comparison. The EP for in essence he is The Orb - is the multitude of stars playing in the Union is a fiery gem that wanders through as creator of dance music that is time itself. Lounge, unfortunately as the driver took many dimensions as it wishes, leaving For Dr. Alex Patterson produces that rare the corner of Freke Road and Clapham (here's the poetic bit) naught but trace of type of music that is as much at home on High Street we entered a multi-faceted sweetness on my lips. When Catherine your hi-fi as it is blasting out your ears at crystal which sent us spinning hopelessly Wheel play, Ride wet themselves. a top nitespot. lost in the realms of time and space, Brian the Orange. 'Perpetual Dawn', with its skanking ska when we arrived we found ourselves underbelly and particually laid-back rasta outside the Detroit Grande Ballroom on rapping, floats over you with Dr. Alex the night of October 30th 1968 and who Wolfgang Patterson's intuitive knack for soothing should be playing but the MC5, forcing oceanic, nay womb-like sounds floating in our way in brandishing our T.Rex -Mama 12' and out of the mix. This record flows autographed nuclear powered super-duper Press through you, relaxing yet uplifting, cosmic jiving bazookas we strode down Earth has it's fair quota of wankers; soothing the spirit yet freeing the soul. to the front of the hall and witnessed a Manuel Noriega, Simon Bates, When the skanking stops the female rock'n'roll extravaganza unsurpassed in Maxwell/Murdoch, Bush, Swaggart etc. vocalist oozes in, like honey falling off a terms of sheer in yer face intensity, we These are at the top of God's great chain. spoon, praying for a perpetual dawn. This shot lots of people there who did not Then there's the sad people. The people, record is the aural equivalent of being look like fellow space travellers, had a poor, deluded fools all, who miss the frozen in time on a South Pacific island at beer with Iggy Pop and the members of point. These are at the bottom. So it is 5am with a bowl of mangoes. Alas it ends SRC and pressed the buttons on our with something approaching alarm that I and you realise it will never be, but it special wristwatches and flew back down write to tell you that I think I fall into the remains a truely gorgeous record which the space-time continuum to the fair latter category. would be No. 1 all summer in a perfect country of Albania in the year 509, and I have surmised this from the following world. as luck would have it King Zog's ancient evidence; Dominic ancestor King Zaggazzaxsjk was on the throne and was attending a special 1. 1 spent fifteen minutes listening to this concert in his honour by Spinal Tap, record. fellow time travellers, joining them 2. I fully intended to write about said onstage we ran through a couple of new record. numbers withilhem killed the King, ate With this now at the forefront of My Poppy Factory his chidren and pressed the button on our mind, I pray to that vindictive god, don't watches again, we materialized give Me an E.M.F. record next time. Oh, -Stars 12" somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy, and add the Wolfgang Press to the above where exactly we were unsure since list. Total, total shit. This review was based on the premise: some bastard had nicked all the signposts, Sonic Euph. invent the last line and then construct the lost and dying for some rock'n'roll, the rest of the review around it. I hope you gods really were smiling as on the like it. "Slick- all you need for that glossy nearest asteroid (WE had special space- Glasshammers finish" it says in large letters. Large acid suit things so we could travel in space letters have been burned into the pink and breath etc..) were The Beatles and metal undercoat of the tins inside a Jason Donovan, Jason is our hero so we -Yellowbrain 12" transcontinental supermarket situated on killed The Beatles and appointed Jason I felt my palms sweat when considering the side of a dusty road, downtown New our leader, however Jason is thick as pig- the prospect of a Jethro Tull revival. No! York. There are rows of tins, all open, all shit and we ended up in the future- it couldn't be! NO FLUTE. But there is sticky with the prints of grubby hands. techno-death-metal-prison of violin, mandolin, guitar and bass. Oh, and The glutinous mucus glides around the Tghftguhjfdtyrut (pronounced 'too fucked a drum machine. Sounds familiar? A edge of this metal curtain, to reveal a to write'), which was unfortunate as they grooved-up All About Eve? Nah. It's clean white corridor. A huge long passage do not like time travellers, unfortunate better than that. In fact, if you ignore the with a hazy end. Walking down this giant for them, not us, so we killed them and atrocious vocal, it's actually quite sweet. causeway, banked by high white-washed left Mr.Donovan to be their president, no Oh yeah, sure, the voice IS distinctive. walls, it is apparent that the corridor is fear of them attacking Earth in their Like Fish, Supertramp, The Moody Blues. not endless. In fact the whole purpose of Every whining, fragile note driven anew the passage is its end. One enormous, state, their economy will crumble etc with anaemic frailty. By comparison, Kurt clinical, evenly lit toilet. It must be 30 We pressed the magic button again and Ralske sounds like Lemmy. The music is feet high. Yes, the Poppy Fields are the found ourselves in the Union Lounge also a picnic to pigeonhole. Slightly Armitage Shanks of the transcontinental having missed all the bands, fuck'em we groovy, lightly Gothic, not a million miles supermarket. thought we're true rock'n'roll kids though away from MDMA, but not half as cool. Brian the Orange no-one believed us, these adventures will The promotional release that came with be documented in future episodes of the this record tells me it is theif re-released Time Tunnel (Thursdays at 6pm on debut, and that it was "made to be Channel 4). played". Wouldn't it be simply awful if it The inevitable exploding orange failed to achieve this objective?. Ongar wah-wah express machine Sonic Euph. Scribbler's Corner Dodgy Dealing in HAIRDRESSERS 15A HARRINGTON ROAD, SOUTH KENSINGTON Cheapskate Denied 071-823 8968 We have a fantastic offer for all you students, a cut wash and blowdry by our top stylist (which normally costs around £21) Dear Andy, brought him in on his day off and sacked For only £11 Men £12 Women In January the Union purchased a new him. It's funny, but his idea to upgrade Check us out ! minibus and sold our oldest one. Despite the transit to a caravan seemed like a the old one being accepted in part good idea. exchange for the new one. I would like In any case, everyone has forgotten to make it clear that the two were in no about it now. The first lot of passengers way related, despite minutes to the have ridden in the new van, and now contrary. that they've got used to it, we're going to The purchase of the new van would up the hire charge. probably have gone ahead anyway, even Finally, Andy, don't blame me for this without the sale of the old one. Having mess, I wasn't employed by the Union at said this, we were extremely disappointed the time. The fact that I sat on the that our mechanic gave us a duff quote Transport Committee that discussed this is on the van. I thought £2 million was very purely coincidental. reasonable for a bashed old transit. Yours sincerely, The Union Transport Manager thought Peter Milon. so aswell, at least he did before we

June is normally the month the Queen's Lawn becomes the stage for the Summer Fair. This year it's strictly for the birds!

So Here's the event for everyone - stylish and elegant, but with a Tense Nervous Headache sense of carnival that will... "KEEP YOU OFF THE GRASS!" Don't Take Anadin 6.30 to 8.30 - Sip and Stroll Sip Pimms with 'strawberries', or choose Spritzer, Punch or beer from one of the Tower bars. Stroll around the Interna- tional Pavement cafes, sample the hors d'oeuvres see your name in Chinese, and watch the jugglers.

7.15 - Listen to Mozart as the IC Wind Ensemble play "Gran Partita for 13 Wind Instruments in Bflat Major".

8.30 - Dine alfresco by candlelight and enjoy culinary triumphs created by If your headaches or eyestrain are our resident team, while you anticipate the £200 STA Travel voucher your dinner ticket gives you a chance to caused by flourescent lighting then win!

9.30 - Tap your Toes to the Dix- please phone Steve Dakim on exten- ieland Jazz Band.

At Dusk - Festive Sparklers. Plus a sion 6705. firework to mark the end of the longest .Tickets Hub Office ICU Bookstore day. Departmental Superintendants ||

Dinner Tickets £7.50 Editorial FELIX Due to the impending presence of big bad exams, lack of sleep, and the fact that there is absolutely nothing to write about, there will be no editorial this week... So the management would like to take this opportunity to remind all people thinking of contributing to the... SUMMER SPECIAL ...that the provisional deadline for all submissions is this evening! Anything handed in after this time cannot be guaranteed a place in the forthcoming literary extravaganza, and thus it's author cannot be guaranteed his/her/it's name in lights. Or at least in print. We would like to remind people that anything will be considered, although only written or drawn contributions will be printed... Credits: Printing and Typesetting; Andy and Chris, News Editor; Anna, Arts Editor; Sumit and Matt, Books Editor; David, Music Editor; Dominic, The Team; Stef, Adam H, Adam T, Ian, Jonty, Louise, Frank, and all the reviewers, The Collators; All of the above and hopefully some more (Kate), The Distributor for the last three weeks; Adam, Holiday Editor; Rose (what postcard) Atkins. Editor: Who, What, Where, Fat!

Felix is produced for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road. London SW7 2BB (Tel 071 -225 8672). Editor: Andrew Butcher. Manager: Chris Stapleton. Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1991. ISSN 1040-0711. Summer Print Work

Anybody requiring print work to be carried out over the summer recess should consult Chris Stapleton, Print Unit Manager, before the end of term. Availability will be allocated on a first come first served basis as production time is limited. This includes membership cards, posters and other clubs publicity required for Freshers Week, as well as any private work. Come and book work in at the Felix Office in Beit Quad.

THURSDAY 13th JUNE UNION BAR

CU EXTRAORDINARY GENERAL MEETING LOWENBRAU Ell LOWENBRAU 85p PER PINT

ALL EVENING BY-LAW CHANGES

SECOND READING (WHILE PROMOTIONAL STOCKS LAST)

UNION LOUNGE 1.00pm DISCO UNTIL MIDNIGHT