In May

Come along on an unchartered trip to: EASTER ISLAND

The ancient puzzle of the stone statues of Easter Island is re- vealed in an intriguing tale by prize- winning author Henry Slesar. What strange link con- nected the statues with an un- gainly, super-strong backwoods youth? What was the meaning of the weird metallic disc? Un- cover all the unbelievable an- swers in Jobo.

LEIGH BRACKETT, one of the great names of science fiction, returns to the field after a long absence. The Road to Smharat is a brilliant blending of action and adven- ture, seasoned with the irresistible spices of the mysteries hidden on an alien planet.

Also in this issue : Ben Bova’s article exploring the possi- bilities for the evolution of intelligent life in the Universe.

Read them all in May Amazing. Now on sale.

FANTASTIC, Stories of Imagination, Vol. 12, No. 5, May 1963, is published monthly by

Ziff-Davis Publishing Company, at 434 South Wabash Avenue, Chicago 5, Illinois. Subscrip- tion rates: One year United States and possessions $4.00; Canada and Pan American Union

Countries $4.50; all other foreign countries $5.00. Second Class postage paid at Chicago,

Illinois and at addilional mailing offices. MAY 1963 FANTASTIC Volume 12 Number 5 STORIES OF IMAGINATION

REG. U. S. PAT. OFF NOVELETS

THE MESSAGE ZIFF-DAVIS PUBLISHING COMPANT By Edward Wellen 34 William B. Ziff, Chairman ot the Board (1946-1953) ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS By Ron Goulart 72 William Ziff, President

W. Bradford Briggs, Executive Vice SHORT STORIES President DEVILS IN THE WALLS Hershel B. Sarbin, Vice President and By John Jakes 6 General Manager THE CLOUD OF HATE M. T. Birmingham, Jr„ Vice President and Treasurer By Fritz Leiber 21 THRESHOLD OF THE PROPHET Robert P. Breeding, Circulation Di- rector By Roger Zelazny 67 Charles Housman, Financial Vice ONE FALSE STEP President By David R. Bunch 90 Stanley B. Greenfield, Vice President THE SCREAMS OF THE WERGS Phillip T. Heffeman. Vice President By Jay Scotland 96 PROFESSOR JONKIN'S CANNIBAL PLANT (Fantasy Classic) Editorial Director By Howard R. Garis 112 NORMAN M. LOBSENZ LOVE STORY By iMurence M. Janifer .... 123 Editor VIGNETTE GOLDSMITH CELE MONOLOGUE FOR TWO By Harrison Denmark 110 FEATURES Ziff-Davis Publishing Company ACCORDING TO YOU 4 Editorial and Executive Offices EDITORIAL One Park Avenue 5 New York 16, New York COMING NEXT MONTH 95 ORegon 9-7200 Cover: Vernon Kramer Advertising Manager, Martin Gluekman Illustrating Devils in the Walls

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Copyright © 7963 by Ziff-Davis Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

3 According to you...

Dear Editor: I am quite sure that if some of I think it’s about time I took his greatest antagonists just sides in the Bunch controversy. once sat down and read a story I’m all for him. He’s a great wri- by him with an open mind, they ter. Previous to this, I admit, I would realize the quality and im- have been quite impartial to his portance of his writings. stuff. His first few stories, I re- Bob Adolfsen call, interested me, but I became 9 Prospect Ave.

quite bored with later ones ; also, Sea Cliff, N.Y. degradations of him by others • That’s what we’ve been say- affected my thinking. ing all along. The controversy died down for a while, as did Mr. B’s contribu- Dear Miss Goldsmith: tions, but now that he’s back T. C. Lethbridge, in “Ghost and again, I feel I must comment. Ghoul” in your January issue, of- The thing that many readers fers ideas which your editorial re- seem to object to in Bunch is his fers to as “Lethbridge’s theo- style of writing. I know I’m not ries.” Those same old ideas have qualified to go into that in any been continually offered, time depth, but I can say—it is after time for years, by a host of unique, or as close to being so as writers with the misconception anything I have ever read. The that they are original. typical reader has fallen into a Lethbridge’s comment, “The stereotyped, patterned way of way we have been brought up to thinking and reading, and being look at the world may be entirely too lazy to change his ways, he fictitious,” is a gem marred only rebels at anything revolutionary. by timidity in the phrase “may Therefore, he doesn’t like Bunch. (Continued on page 127)

4 F late is still better than never, we’d like to I take a few inches of space to call your atten- tion to a collection of Bob Bloch’s fan magazine writings which was published a few months ago by Advent: Publishers. Titled The Eighth Stage of Fandom, the book “pickles for poster- ity” the outpourings of 25 years of comedy, vitriol, satire, argument, and just plain obser- vations of Bob Bloch, sf fan. Perhaps the quickest way to give you a brief idea of the contents is to mention just a few of the titles of the essays: Gafia House, Mc- Guffey’s First SF Reader, The Demolishel Fan, How to Attend an SF Convention, and From Hubbub Horizontal. There are also some Bloch- ian poems, including the famous Non-Lewis

Carol. As Bloch says in his preface : “A profes- EDITORIAL sional writer is a man who writes for money and believes that only an idiot gives away his work for nothing. Shake hands with an idiot.” But if you read the book (available from Advent, P.O. Box 9228, Chicago 10, 111., for $1.95), you will wish everyone was Bloch’s kind of idiot.

* * *

HEN they tell you that electronic computers are getting increas- Wingly sophisticated, they aren’t just blowing out air, boy. Stan- ford University scientists now have one—called Madaline, by the way—that has learned to get along with its own handicaps and prob- lems. Madaline was built to take in data and figure out for itself what it is supposed to find out from the data, without being programmed in machine language for the specific problem. It is an attempt to de- velop machines that can think for themselves after being given a basic grounding in the facts of electronic life. Such adaptability is vital in space-rocket systems, for example, where the malfunction of a single switch can ruin a multi-million-dollar test. When Madaline was first put together she contained—on purpose —parts that didn’t function, or didn’t function properly: short cir- cuits, open circuits, bollixed-up wiring etc. Still, when Madaline was turned on, she worked just fine. Which is more than we can usually manage to do. —NL

5 eui L

JOHN WJL JAKES

6 7 Evil glistened on the ruined turrets. Leprous laugh-

ter shrieked in Brak’s ears. Shrugging, the barbar-

ian shambled on to meet the Devils in the Walls.

HAT am I bid?” cried the shouldered man, naked save for Wauctioneer of the slave mar- a garment of lion’s hide about ket. “What am I bid for this yel- his hips, fell atop the auctioneer low-headed barbarian fresh- and choked the breath from him caught on the road which leads in a space of seconds. down from the high steppes?” But Brak was not destined to Before anyone in the crowd gain his revenge just then. Up could make an offer, Brak formed from behind the pillar rushed a a loop of the chains which held crowd of the bullies who tended him fast to the stone pillar. With the town’s now-empty slave pens. a lunge he fastened the iron loop They carried leather lashes. They about the neck of the auctioneer. swung them with considerable There was a terrible fury in his pleasure. At the end of another gigantic body. He had been rid- moment, Brak had been whipped ing peacefully through the cool close to blindness. He slumped morning air of the plain a few against the stone pillar as the leagues from this accursed vil- auctioneer tottered to his feet, lage when the slavers set upon re-arranged his robes, massaged him. Even now he could see the his throat and delivered a vicious crafty face of the leader of the kick to the guts of the fallen slavers, a weasel named Zaldeb, warrior. off there among the gawkers. Brak lurched forward on Well, thought Brak as he tight- hands and knees, blood dripping ened the chains and dragged the from a dozen lash-marks in his auctioneer threshing to the con- back. He felt sick, humiliated. crete at the base of the pillar, I “See how he struggles!” cried took four of Zaldeb’s hirelings the auctioneer. “A veritable de- before they broke my broad- mon out of the wild lands to the sword and slew my pony, I can north. He told the worthy Zaldeb take one jackal more before 1 he was bound to seek his fortune die . . . in the warm climes of Khurdisan The crowd roared and shrank far southward, but for a small back at the spectacle. The wide- price one of you in the crowd can

8 FANTASTIC employ him to improve your own down through the crowd, past fortune. He has the strength of the leering Zaldeb into the pres- twelve men! He can turn a mill ence of his purchaser. She was a wheel all day and all night with- beautiful dark-haired young out falling! Now what am I bid? woman of comely form, richly Who will make a generous of- attired in veils and girdles sewn fer?” with gleaming pearls. He noticed ‘‘Ten dinshas,” piped the fee- that persons in the crowd were ble voice of an old man. treating him to looks of sorrow “Ten dinshas?” sneered the and pity. Could it be so unlucky auctioneer. “Yea, graybeard! I to be sold to such a creature, if know hard times have fallen on he must endure slavery at all? the village of Yarah the Bull. He’d not endure it for long, that Bellies growl in hunger. But can much was certain. But it seemed your purse be so thin that you by rights that his fate should be would pass an opportunity to a good one. have such a fine slave for your Miranda’s dark eyes flashed ap- own?” praisingly over his towering .” “Eleven dinshas . . came a form. “I’ve purchased you at a cry from another quarter of the dear price, barbarian, hoarding mob. my small store of money until ‘‘Make way!” came a voice the day when at last a man of which sounded female to Brak. strength would be sold in this “I offer five hundred dinshas!” market. That day has been a .” “Five hundred . . choked long time in coming.” the auctioneer. “Do I hear an- “Call me Brak, not barbarian,” other bid ? Then the barbarian is he growled angrily. “I’m as civi- sold to Miranda, daughter of lized as you fine people, and per- Hamur, Prince of a Thousand haps more, lacking the refine- Claws.” Kicking Brak again, the ments to indulge in the practice auctioneer hissed: “And it’s fit- of slavery.” ting that a snarling brute like “Can you use a blade as well as you should fall in her clutches. you employ your tongue?” Mi- If anyone can take the arrogance randa asked mockingly. from you, it’s that blood-spotted “Inquire of the jackal there,” .” witch . . Brak replied, shaking his chains at Zaldeb, who cowered back. "DRAK did not like the warning. Before Miranda could say -L' In a moment he found all but more, the crowd parted and a his wrist chains loosened. He was lesser official of the town an- freed from the pillar and hustled nounced the arrival of the gov-

DEVILS IN THE WALLS 9 : . ernor, Yarah the Bull. Brak Why, Brak wondered, did peo- looked up anxiously. He hoped to ple continue to stare at him as find Yarah a man to whom he though he were condemned to could appeal. But the sight of the death ? The girl seemed harmless fat and richly clad noble upon an enough. Perhaps she only want- emaciated gray horse convinced ed a companion for her couoh . . him the plea would be futile. Yarah the Bull, perhaps once a E learned nothing, however, brave warrior, had now fallen H on the walk to Miranda’s into sloth. On second glance, his house at the edge of the village. rich apparel looked threadbare. It was small, poorly furnished, He peered out at Brak above and of a dismal state matching pouchy cheeks purpled by wine. others like it in the poverty- “So this is the stranger,” he ridden town. When Brak had set- mused warily. “I rather regret I tled himself grudgingly upon a arrived so late ... I could use carpet beside an oil lamp, Mi- a strong arm in my household. randa knelt opposite him and And I could have given you bet- spoke ter treatment than you’ll receive “Would you be interested in from that accursed creature.” knowing why I paid all the mon- Miranda ignored the jibe as ey I had to purchase you?” Yarah continued, “However, Brak helped himself to a ves- don’t trouble my ear with ap- sel of wine, finding the contents peals for freedom. Slave-catch- poor, watery stuff. “If you wish ing is legal in our province. In to tell me. I’ve no stomach for fact,” Yarah added sadly, “Zal- chains. I’d as soon strangle you deb the slaver is the only man as make polite talk.” Swilling among us turning a profit these some wine, Brak wiped his mouth days. We’ve fallen into hard with the back of a brawny arm. times. Our crops turn bad. Our “I bought you,” Miranda said people starve. Perhaps your softly, strange lights in her dax-k presence will divert us from our eyes, “that I might give you a misery. Provided you live past certain task to perfoi’m, and moonset ...” when it is done, unlock your Shaking his head in a baffled chains and set you free.” and ineffectual manner, Yarah “And this task,” Brak re- the Bull touched rusted spurs to sponded sourly, “will take me his spindly mount and clattered but eighty and eight years?” off. Miranda tugged Brak’s wrist “No, not if you have the coui’- chains and led him from the age for it, and the wits. It will square. take but an hour or two.”

10 FANTASTIC Brak sat up stiffly, his bronze souls of the three dozen victims face threatening. “If you are would dwell forever in the great making sport of me . . hall of the castle where the exe- Shaking her head, Miranda led cution took place. Their blood him to a window. In the distance, still smears the walls, great at the top of a sloping hill, stood brown patches of it. And they a crumbling pile of stone. Its live within and beneath these damp walls shone with a faint hideous stains. Their avenging slimy radiance in the first moon- spirits slew my father and moth- beams. “That was once the pal- er, drove my nurse and me from ace of my father,” Miranda those walls, and left the ruins breathed. “Prince Hamur . . . which you see. Even tonight the Hamur of a Thousand Claws, so- demons stand guard over the called because he kept a thou- hoard none has carried away. In sand hunting leopards in cages the past, a few thieves have tried below the ground. He’s long to bring forth the riches still dead. But he left a three-fold heaped in the central hall. The .” legacy behind him.” Dark eyes results . . glowing wildly, Miranda raised three fingers, slowly bending one Miranda hesitated. “I would down and saying, “There is a not mask the seriousness of it. treasure in those ruins . . . the The consequences have been store of fifty years of plundering ghastly. Yet these thieves were a caravans. A treasure rich beyond dull, witless pack. For a man of belief, and mine by right. Sec- courage and cunning, besting ondly, there are a few of the the fiends might be a task within fierce leopards left, not many. his power. I have spent my days

Third . . . there are demons waiting for such a one.” A pause. haunting the walls.” “You, Brak.” “I’ll doubt none of the three,” “My choice is to enter the pal- Brak grunted. “I’ve fallen ace or remain forever in slav- among mad people.” ery?” Brak’s eyes narrowed. “Years ago, when I was a “Answer me one question. child,” Miranda explained, “my What’s to prevent me strangling father attacked a rich caravan a your soft throat this instant?” few leagues to the westward. He “The fact,” replied Miranda slew three dozen souls travelling with a clever smile, “that you with it. But a certain magician are a man with some kind of among the company threw a honor, for all your barbarian black curse upon Prince Hamur, looks. I can read that in your promising that the tormented gaze. It’s my hold on you.”

DEVILS IN THE WALLS 11 AVAGELY sinking his teeth “This is all I can offer you, S into his lip in anger,' Brak Brak, but it was a mighty weap- turned away. Gods curse him, on in the hands of Hamur of a

Miranda was right. The wise and Thousand Claws . . clever man would slay her in- Brak swung the blade once and stantly, but he could not. Swing- nodded. “The balance and tem- ing around with a clank of his per seem good.” A chill crawled chains he growled, “Say again, on his spine. “Come, let’s climb in exact words, what I must the hill. The day is dark, but I’d do.” rather enter now than when

“Bring forth the treasure,” night-creatures walk . . .” They Miranda whispered. “Bring it proceeded to the courtyard of forth, and you are free.” the house and mounted a mangy Brak hesitated only a moment. pair of white donkeys. “Then put out the lamp and let Miranda led the way along a me put down my head to sleep. rocky path up the hillside. Brak If I’m to duel with beasts and noted that the rooftops of the monsters, I’ll need fresh brains village thronged with citizens and strength . . watching their progress. He be- But in spite of the soothing gan to feel more like a sacrificial unguents Miranda applied to ram with every passing instant. draw the sting from the lash- And the coming of daylight had wounds in his back, Brak never not lessened the forbidding as- closed an eye during the whole pect of Hamur’s haunted palace. long night. His gaze returned Obscene shrouds of clammy mist again and again to the palace of wound about its crumbled tow- Hamur upon the hill. Its slimy, ers. As they drew nearer, Brak decayed walls gleamed eerily in could clearly see trickles of the moonlight while ravens brackish water dribbling down croaked and flapped against the among the stones and foul moon above its ruined battle- growths of mold on the walls. A ments. Finally a chill, mist-hung nauseous stench rose in his nos- dawn broke ominously in the trils. Miranda covered her face east. Miranda appeared at the with a bit of silk, using her other chamber door with a tiny key. hand to apply a short braided This she used to unlock his wrist quirt to her donkey’s flanks. chains. Then, from a wrapping They had progressed roughly of scarlet cloth, she unfolded a halfway up the hillside when broadsword of gleaming iron, Brak heard a clattering of unspotted by rust, its hilt set hooves behind them. with jewels. He swung about, massive

12 FANTASTIC hand dropping to the jeweled hilt of the seriousness of his words, of Hamur’s broadsword. Their Friar Jerome said, “Whoever pursuer was a stout, bald man, you may be, take heed of what I wearing a gray robe and cowl tell you. The creatures haunting and riding a shaggy pony. He the bloody walls of Hamur are reined in beside them, panting. things of the pit . . . foul es- Brak saw the crucifix of a Nes- sences born of a curse of re- torian priest swinging at the venge. No matter how cruel the cording about his middle. murders of that maid’s father,

“In the name of God, Mi- the revenge taken by the . . . randa!” the new arrival cried. the things . . . inhabitating “I beg you control your greed yon x'uins have made them the and keep this helpless slave from equal of Hamur himself in evil going to his death!” sex-vice of the Dark Prince.” “Helpless !” Brak roared. Fumbling at his waistcord, the “Priest or no, that’s one term no Nestorian unloosed the cx-ucifix .” man can apply to me . . and held it out. “Naked steel “Don’t soil your lips arguing will do you no good without the with the fool,” Miranda spat strength of the powers of light angrily, wheeling her donkey be- as your ax-mor. Take this cross as tween the Newtorian’s pony and symbol . . Brak’s mount. “Begone, Friar Without warning Miranda Jerome. Take your pious words wheeled her donkey, raised her and hypocritical pratings out of quix-t and lashed Friar Jerome the range of my ears. You are cruelly in the face. The priest interested in matters of the spir- cried out, reeled and tumbled it,” Miranda went on cuttingly, from his saddle onto the rocky “and I also. But my spirits are earth. Blood dripped from his the ones infesting the walls of cheekbone. “Your soul will be the House of a Thousand Claws. damned in eternity, Miranda! And once they’re dealt with, Evex-y man in the village below there’s a tangible reward to be knows you’x-e sending an inxxo- had, which is far more than you cent and blameless creature to promise.” Tugging on her don- die just so your greed may be .” key’s bridle, she started off, add- slaked. You’ll regret . . ing, “Follow me, Brak. Ignore The Nestorian’s plaintive the meddler.” cries wex-e lost behind a rattle of hooves as Brak’s donkey bolted TARING straight into Brak’s on up the slope when Miranda S eyes, as if in an effort to con- gave its bridle a tug. By the time vince the yellow-haired warrior Brak caught the girl, a veil of

DEVILS IN THE WALLS 13 fury had darkened his brow. He “When did he come here?” shouted, “What sort of heart- “Three nights ago,” replied less . . .?” Miranda, a smile on her darkly In answer she spun around beautiful face. ?” and laid a quirt stingingly across “Three . . . Brak’s own his neck, shrieking, “Silence! eyes rounded in horror. “Then

Say no more ! By law you’re still . . . what became of . . . his my slave, to obey me, not to flesh?” question me ... !” Miranda raised a veiled arm So saying, she urged her and pointed across the rotting mount to the crest of the slope. bridge. “Didn’t I tell you there There she climbed down into the were devils dwelling in the .” mist curling poisonously along walls ? They await . . Abrupt- the ground. A raven flapped up, ly then, she pressed herself crying shrilly. The fetid stench against the giant warrior, her billowing out from the wrecked wine-scented mouth close to his. portcullis across the rotting “But if you’ve the courage and planks of a collapsing draw- skill to bring forth the treasure, bridge filled Brak with nausea. and should want to remain with He peered over the lip of the me rather than ride away, free long-empty moat, seeing only a though you’ll be . . . why, per- loathsome bloated rat or two haps I’ll be able to reward you scurrying in the dry bottom. with the kind of delight fitting Then he noticed what seemed to for one who has served well.” Passionately be the body of a man flung down she kissed him ; but among the thorns below, a man her eyes grew inflamed with rage dressed in gaudy robes and head- when he shoved her roughly cloth. But where the rotting, away. putrescent remains of his face “I’ve made one pact with the should have been, a bony skull devil,” Brak growled. “I’ll not grinned whitely up at them. enter into another.” “That is Akronos,” Miranda said lightly. “A beggar and thief EFTING the jeweled broad- of Yarah’s village. He entered H sword of Prince Hamur, the castle to take the treasure Brak strode onto the draw- for himself. You see the result.” bridge, not glancing back. He “His robes look clean and felt the eyes of Miranda follow- bright,” Brak mused. “Yet his ing him like white-heated dag- skull’s bare, as if he had lain gers. down there a year or more.” He crossed a vast courtyard Raising his eyes, Brak asked, swirling with mist. In the murk

14 FANTASTIC an occasional pile of grisly hu- the pool. A flight of stairs rose man bones gleamed whitely. Mi- ahead of him. At its summit randa had given him instruc- should be the great hall of tions for finding the great hall, Prince Hamur. during the first part of their ride Suddenly Brak halted. The up the hill. He located the arched hair rose at the nape of his neck. portal which had once been the Distantly he heard the unmistak- chief entrance of the palace able whisper of feet, sandalled without difficulty. Once inside, and stealthy. He waited. however, even the fetid air of The sound did not come again. the courtyard seemed a blessing Somewhere water dripped. Brak unappreciated. stepped over a smashed idol at He passed through long corri- the base of the steps and began to dors and lofty chambers where climb. The jeweled sword was once-opulent hangings dropped gripped firmly in his right hand. from the walls in mold-slimed Once he had reached the top of tatters. Rats chittered and scur- the stairs, he whirled around. He ried in the debris littering the could have sworn the sound of an mosaic flooring. Long festoons of unseen walker had reached his congealed dust hung down and ears again. “Who’s there?” he brushed Brak’s flesh with ghost- thundered. “Who is hiding ly caresses. Suddenly a black ?”

shape flapped at him. . . . Only “Hiding . . . hiding . . . hid- when he had brought the broad- ing . . . hiding . . rang the sword around in a flashing arc echo through limitless empty and cleaved the thing in half and rooms and chambers of the dead. bent to examine its bloody corpse Brak dared not turn. Behind did he discover it was a species him he’d heard a muffled stir- of sharp-fanged vampire bat. ring, a dry, obscene sound not of Passing on, Brak came to a mortal origin. Then a voice piped, vaulted room with a sunken pool far away: in the center. In this pool lay “Barbarian, this is your com- another human skeleton, vast rade Zaldeb the slave-dealer who gouges and cracks showing in follows your path . . its skull and breastbone. Brak “Come forward, carrion!” glanced uneasily about. What in- Brak roared. “Let me see your human fiends could strip a corpse face and chop it in half!” of its flesh in three days, or “I’m hid where you’ll never leave gaping holes gnawed in find me,” gloated the distant, solid bone? With a sense of gath- hollow voice. “But under this rot- ering evil, Brak strode on past ting ruin six leopards of mighty

DEVILS IN THE WALLS 15 Havnur still live. I’ve loosed them pled with a piercing sort of cry. from their pens. When they’ve Brak found his eyes drawn torn you to bits I will slay them away from the field of gold and at long distance tvith my boiv, jewels underfoot, up to the walls and take the treasure for myself. themselves. He caught his

You ivon’t have time to search breath . . . for the haunts in the tvalls, bar- When he had first entered he barian. You’ll be occupied tvith had noticed upon the walls great our clawed friends . . stained swaths of a darkish-col- Mocking laughter slowly died ored substance which he assumed away. to be mold. Now these stains had begun to shimmer and pulse RAK heard a faint, animal with a weird deep red light. The B spitting and knew that the moaning, as though lost souls treacherous Zaldeb had not lied. shrieked out in muffled torment, Somewhere not far off, leopards grew more intense. The hideous unfed for too long had scented marks on the walls . . . blood of human quarry near at hand. Hamur’s victims, Brak thought

Their savage growls grew louder. suddenly . . . began to blur and Brak turned, raised his sword shift, pulsing with the reddish and hacked through a last fold light, until it seemed that the of mold-green hanging. The rot- walls crawled with obscene life. ted stuff fell away and the great A black mist began to leak out hall lay before him. from these walls. The cry of un- It was a circular chamber, seen voices became tuned to a with many entrances radiating higher pitch, as though the in- from it. High up in the walls, visible demons no longer lament- small circular ports let in gray ed, but howled with their lust for light and coiling mist. Brak ad- his life. The blackish mist spun vanced toward the center of the and churned and billowed toward room. His feet struck ornaments him. It thickened every second. of silver and gold strewn over the Brak felt suddenly touched by entire surface of the floor. It was an inhuman cold that stung his as though he walked in a thick flesh . . . carpet of treasure. The rich loot A new sound greeted his ears. of the Prince of a Thousand Swinging around, he saw the Claws had been spilled out reck- first cadaverous leopard slink up lessly and in such profusion that the staircase and crouch at the its accumulated worth defied his chamber’s entrance, its five imagination. Then, abruptly, the mates soon followed, incredibly dry rustling began anew, cou- long and bony and deadly. Their

16 FANTASTIC huge yellow eyes watched Brak IS mind fled back swiftly to balefully. Yet the increasing H the image of Friar Jerome hellish gloom pouring off the extending the crucifix. Brak writhing walls seemed to check clambered to his feet, throwing them. A trendril of the dark back his head and laughing like cloud touched Brak’s arm. Ago- a madman. Then he fixed a firmer nizing pain shot along his nerves grip upon the jeweled hilt of his and seized his brain, until he sword. He said a silent prayer to thought his head would fly apart. his nameless pagan dieties, He ran from the clutch of the leaped out and ran headlong into gathering cloud, tumbling in a the clutches of the black cloud. heap when his foot skidded upon a pile of jeweled armlets. The The moment he stepped into foremost of the leopards lunged, the embrace of the foul billows, then jerked back again. The six with that unearthly shrieking beasts snarled and spat viciously, noise ringing in his ears, he still checked by the demonaic knew he could not drive himself presence darkening the great forward to complete his task. hall. The unearthly shrieking The unseen powers of hatred grew to ear-piercing pitch. boiled all around him. They lived

Once more the chill billows of in the black poison mist . . . the poisonous effluvium of the sucking his strength ... numb- walls rolled toward him. Brak ing him . . . turning him colder knew his only escape lay in than the earth before its crea- somehow conquering the hellish tion. With legs inflamed to a demons coming to life all about state of pain near ecstacy he him. Fighting his way from the staggered on, screaming at the hall across the carcasses of the top of his lungs, wild barbaric leopards, even though he thought screams he had learned on the he might be able to do it, would steppes of his birth, the cry of leave that awful presence still primeval warriors who fought stirring behind. Unless he esti- the dark gods at the beginning mated wrongly, he could not even of known history. run as far as the outer yard of On he stumbled, forcing him- the palace before the black ten- self, driving himself while the drils closed permanently about hell-mists whipped and sucked him. No, he had to best whatever at him. His brain fogged. His it was that made the gore- lungs burned. His head was blotched walls w’hirl and blur ready to burst. But then, sud- like scourged flesh. But how, by denly, he found himself crashing the gods, haw? against the chamber wall ... a

DEVILS IN THE WALLS 17 wall no longer solid, but writh- row area near the chamber en- ing and viscous, alive with the trance. crawl and the stench of dead The tormented wailing rose things. Both hands on the haft another notch, to unbelievable of the broadsword, he raised the heights of excruciating mad- weapon high and brought it ness. Suddenly Brak noticed the arching down, its iron edge hell-cloud dip and congeal. The hacking a long vertical cut in the six crouching leopards began to inhuman, crawling substance scream, tearing at one another through which it sliced. with savage clawing leaps. The As though he had simultane- cloud descended. Brak knew that ously struck into the bowels of whatever vile spirits of revenge ten thousand human beings, a and hatred had lived in the walls cry of agony rose around him. were now seeking refuge in an- His mouth cracked wide in a other place. They could not claim ghoulish smile of triumph. The him, so they claimed the leop- blackish stuff had thinned a lit- ards instead . . . tle, the flaccid quality had gone out of the wall where his sword- VEN as he watched, the hack glared whitely through the E beasts became suddenly still. bloodstains. With every thew in The black cloud had vanished. his great frame working to ca- Then the first of the animals pacity, he swung the broadsword leaped, his great mouth yawning over his shoulder and brought it and red, but from it issued not around with all his might. Its the growl of an animal, but that savage swing cut a horizontal same lusting shriek out of the mark a little more than mid-way ivalls . . . up the stem of his first cut. The Brak the barbarian swung his sign of the cross was whole be- broadsword and lopped off the fore him . . . leopard’s head in midair. Brak tottered away, choking Another was coming now, rac- and panting from exertion. The ing through the litter of treas- black cloud had receded in the ure. Brak plunged his sword in- area near the cross-mark. Brak to its guts . . . turned and plunged along the When finally he stopped, wall, stopping only to cut another drenched from head to foot with cross. reeking blood, his mouth cracked In this manner he raced in a brutal white grin. The last around the chamber, driving the of Hamur’s beasts lay twitching demon-cloud before him, until at in its own gore, and distantly, last it boiled and fumed in a nar- distantly, a thousand tormented

18 FANTASTIC voices were crying off the depths Behind her a short distance, of the earth, forever slain and unwelcome visitors for Miranda, vanquished . . . nearly the entire population of A grinding sound came to the village had gathered, includ- Brak’s ears. Even as he swung ing Friar Jerome and Yarah the to seek it, he saw the bloodied Bull. Miranda threw her arms walls of Hamur’s chamber begin about Brak’s neck. He shook his to show cracks and rifts. Dust mighty shoulders, working free showered down. Brak had only of her, and walked on. He dumped an instant in which to seek shel- the armload of gold and jew- ter beneath an overturned elled objects at the feet of the throne chair before the haunted astonished Friar Jerome. Miran- walls, free at last of their pit- da dug her nails savagely into bred inhabitants, crumbled and Brak’s gore-streaked back. He rocked, tottered and thundered flung around to face her, crouch- down to destruction, block after ing warily . . . mighty block, crash upon crash “The spoil belongs to me!” upon crash . . . Miranda shrieked. “As it be- When Brak crawled out from longed to my father. Our bar- .” beneath the throne chair, won- gain . . dering that breath still blew in “The bargain, in your exact his lungs, the first thing he spied words,” Brak snarled, “was for was a block of wall lying near- me to bring out the treasure, as by ... a block with the sign of I have done, after which I would the cross upon it. Awed, he be free. There is part of it.” Brak bowed his head a moment. Then pointed to the wealth strewn on he picked his way from the rub- the ground. “With a thousand ble. times that inside, and safe to be The walls had fallen, and the taken.” roof. Now clean, sweet air, the mists having dissipated, began to GNORING her, Brak turned to wash the stench from the dread I the Nestorian. “Good father, chamber. Brak hunted in the through your chance interven- ruins, gathering up as much of tion I saw the way to slay the the treasure as he could carry in demons of the palace that would his arms. Then he staggered have claimed my soul. Therefore forth across the drawbridge. Mi- I give the spoil to you. I have randa awaited him, her face won it. I claim the right of dis- lighted with greed, no longer posal. You take it and buy food beautiful, but drawn into an ug- for your people in this time of ly mask. need . .

DEVILS IN THE WALLS 19 Brak scowled at Miranda. “For dry moat, stirring a cloud of though your villagers gaw’ked at dust. me and treated me ill on the Brak swiped his forearm slave block, still they’re better across his eyes and scowled at folk than this creature who the assembled townsfolk. “I want would hoard her last coins rather a place to wash, and a pony to than share them with her less carry me on my road to Khurdi- fortunate fellows, who needed san,” he growled. “Are there any them far more than she. Agh!” among you doubting my freedom Brak spat on the ground at Mi- to go?” randa’s feet. “She trapped her- “By the holies, no!” cried self with the words of her own Yarah the Bull, puffing and agreement, and she smells worse panting, tumbling from his sad- of inhumanity than all the ac- dle and stumping forward. “My cumulated demons of creation.” house is open to you, barbarian. With a cry of rage Miranda The humble animal on which I whipped a dagger from her gir- ride is yours for the taking.” dle. Brak had no chance to leap Then, with a covetous glance at aside. Distantly he heard his the heap of gold, Yarah the Bull name called. Miranda’s arm rushed forward toward the draw- swept up, plunged down . . . bridge of the palace of Hamur of And then she toppled over, a Thousand Claws. As if a spell face down upon the mound of had been lifted, the citizens treasure. In her back an arrow clamored after him with a jubi- quivered. Brak leaped into the lant roar. Brak sighed, bent crowd, seized a lance carried by down and caught a fist in Miran- one of the citizens and hurled it da’s hair. He pulled her body high. On a ruined battlement of free of the treasure-pile, saying the palace, the slaver Zaldeb to Friar Jerome who alone of the arched against the brightening others had remained behind, sky, the lance driven with dread- “There is blood enough on it al- ful accuracy through his breast- ready, I think.” bone and out the other side. Climbing on the scrawny gray Lurching forward, dropping his horse of Yarah the Bull, Brak bow and quiver, Zaldeb pitched rode slowly down the hillside to- over and crashed down into the ward the village.

THE END

20 FANTASTIC the Cloud of Hate By FRITZ LEIBER

From the Hall of Hate the evil fog

snaked through Lankhmar,

carrying the fetid touch of death

to Fafhrd and the Mouser .

UFFLED drums beat out a temple was so long and wide and M nerve-scratching rhythm at the same time so irregularly and red lights flickered hypnoti- planted with thick pillars that at cally in the underground Tem- no point could a person see more ple of Hates, where five thousand than a third of the way across it. ragged worshippers knelt and Yet it had a ceiling so low that at abased themselves and ecstati- any point a man standing tall cally pressed foreheads against could have brushed it with his the cold and gritty cobbles as the fingertips—except that here all trance took hold and the human grovelled. The air was swoon- venom rose in them. ingly fetid. The dark bent backs Lankhmar had been at peace of the hate-ensorceled worship- for many moons and so the hates pers made a kind of hummocky were greater. Tonight, further- dark ground, from which the more, at a spot halfway across nitre-crusted stone pillars rose the city, Lankhmar’s black-to- like gray tree trunks. gaed nobility celebrated with The masked Archpriest of the merriment and feasting and Hates lifted a skinny finger. twinkling dance the betrothal of Parchment-thin iron cymbals be- their Overlord’s daughter to the gan to clash in unison with the Prince of Ilthmar, and so the drums and the furnace-red flick- hates were redoubled. erings, wringing to an unendur- The single-hailed subterranean able pitch the malices and envies

21 : of the blackly enraptured com- thieves’ quarter a beggar girl, municants. skinny-frail of limb and with Then in the gloom of that eyes big as a lemur’s peering great slit-like hall, dim pale ten- fearfully from a tiny face of drils began to rise from the dark elfin beauty. She saw the white hummocky ground of the bent pillar, slug-flat now, pouring out backs, as though a white, swift- between the bars of a window- growing ghost-grass had been slit level with the pavement, and seeded there. The tendrils, although there were thick chilly which in another world might tendrils of river-fog already fol- have been described as ectoplas- lowing her, she knew that this mic, quickly multiplied, thick- was different. ened, lengthened, and then co- She tried to run around the alesced into questing white ser- thing, but swift almost as a ser- pentine shapes, so that it seemed pent striking, it whipped across as if tongues of thick river-fog to the opposite wall, barring her had come licking down into this way. She ran back, but it out- sub-cellar from the broad-flow- raced her and made a U, penning ing river Hlal. her against the unyielding wall. Then she only stood still and HE white serpents coiled past shook as the fog-serpent nar- Tthe pillars, brushed the low rowed and grew denser and ceiling, moistly caressed the came wreathing around her. Its backs of their devotees and tip swayed like the head of a source, and then in turn co- poisonous snake preparing to alesced to pour up the curving strike and then suddenly dipped black hole of a narrow spiral toward her breast. She stopped stairway, the stone steps of shaking then and her head fell which were worn almost to back and the pupils rolled up in chutelike smoothness—a sinu- her lemur-like eyes so that they ously billowing white cylinder in showed only great whites, and which a redness lurked. she dropped to the pavement And all the while the drums limp as a rag. and cymbals did not falter for a The fog-serpent nosed at her single beat, nor did the eyes of for a few moments, then as the Archpriest flicker once side- though irked at finding no life ways in their wooden mask, nor remaining, flipped her over on did one mesmerized bent soul her face, and went swiftly quest- look up. ing in the same direction the Along a misted alley overhead river-fog itself was taking there was hurrying home to the across city toward the homes of

22 FANTASTIC THE CLOUD OF HATE 23 — the nobles and the lantern-jew- cushioned somewhere inside to- eled palace of the Overlord. night, well drunk and sweetly Save for an occasional fleeting embraced?” red glint in the one, the two For answer the Gray Mouser sorts of fog were identical. drew from his belt a rat-skin pouch and slapped it by its draw- TJESIDE a dry stone horse- strings against his palm. It flat- -L' trough at the juncture of tened as it hit and nothing five alleys, two men curled close chinked. For good measure he to either side of a squat brazier writhed at Fafhrd the backs of in which a little charcoal glowed. his ten fingers, all ringless. The spot was so near the quar- Fafhrd grinned again and said ter of the nobles that the sounds to the dusky space around them, of music and laughter came at which was now filled with the intervals, faintly, along with a finest mist, the fog’s forerunner, dim rainbow-glow of light. The “Now that’s a strange thing. two men might have been a We’ve won I know not how many hulking beggar and a small one, jewels and oddments of gold and except that their tunics and leg- electrum in our adventurings gings and cloaks, though thread- and even letters of credit on the bare, were of good stuff, and Guild of the Grain Merchants. scabbarded weapons lay close to Where have they all flown to? the hand of each. the credit-letters on parchment The larger said, “There’ll be wings, the jewels jetting fire like fog tonight. I smell it coming tiny red and green and pearly from the Hlal.” This was Fafhrd, cuttlefish. Why aren’t we rich?” brawny-armed, pale and serene The Mouser snorted, “Be- of face, reddish gold of hair. cause you dribble away our get For reply the smaller shivered on worthless drabs, or oftener and fed the brazier two small still pour it out for some noble gobbets of charcoal and said sar- whim—some plot of bogus an- donically, “Next predict gla- gels to storm the walls of Hell. ciers ! —advancing down the Meantime I stay poor nursemaid- Street of the Gods, by prefer- ing you.” ence.” That was the Mouser, eyes Fafhrd laughed and retorted, wary, lips quirking, cheeks muf- “You overlook your own whimsi- fled by gray hood drawn close. cal imprudences, such as slitting Fafhrd grinned. As a tinkling the Overlord’s purse and picking gust of distant song came by, he his pocket too the selfsame night asked the dark air that carried you rescued and returned him it, “Now why aren’t we warmly his lost crown. No, Mouser, I

24 FANTASTIC think we’re poor because—” Sud- firmly planted and right hands denly he lifted on an elbow and bone-squeezingly gripped, each flared his nostrils as he snuffed strained to force the back of the the chill moist air. “There’s a other’s wrist down against the taint in the fog tonight,” he an- ringed and scarred and carved nounced. and knife-stuck wood. Gnarlag, The Mouser said dryly, “I al- who scowled sneeringly, had the ready smell dead fish, burnt fat, advantage by a thumb’s length. horse dung, tickly lint, Lankh- One of the fog-strands, as mar sausage gone stale, cheap though itself a devotee of the temple incense burnt by the ten- wrist game and curious about the pound cake, rancid oil, moldy bout, drifted over Gnarlag’s grain, slaves’ barracks, embalm- shoulder. To the old harlot the ers’ tanks crowded to the black inquisitive fog-strand looked red- brim, and the stink of a cathe- ly-veined—a reflection from the dral full of unwashed carters and torches, no doubt, but she prayed trulls celebrating orgiastic rites it brought fresh blood to Gnar- —and now you tell me of a lag. taint !” The fog finger touched the “It is something different from taut arm. Gnarlag’s sneering all those,” Fafhrd said, peering look turned to one of pure hate successively down the five alleys. and the muscles of his forearm

“Perhaps the last . . His seemed to double in thickness as voice trailed off doubtfully and he rotated it more than a half he shrugged. turn. There was a muffled snap and a gasp of anguish. The mer- TRANDS of fog came quest- cenary’s wrist had been broken.

S. ing through small high-set Gnarlag stood up. He knocked street-level windows into the tav- to the wall a wine cup offered ern called the Rats’ Nest, inter- him and cuffed aside a girl who lacing curiously with the soot- would have embraced him. Then trail from a failing torch, but un- grabbing up his two swords on noticed except by an old harlot their thick belt from the bench who pulled her patchy fur cloak beside him, he strode to the closer at her throat. brick stairs and up out of the All eyes were on the wrist Rats’ Nest. By some trick of air game being played across an an- currents, perhaps, it seemed that cient oaken table by the famed a fog-strand rested across his bravo Gnarlag and a dark- shoulders like a comradely arm. skinned mercenary almost as When he was gone, someone big-thewed as he. Right elbows said, “Gnarlag was ever a cold

THE CLOUD OF HATE 25 !

and ungrateful winner.” The rules. We bow to no man’s ulti- dark mercenary stared at his mate command, dance to no wiz- dangling hand and bit back ard’s drumming, join no mob, groans. hark to no wildering hate-call. When we draw sword, it’s for O TELL me, giant philosopher, ourselves alone. What’s that?” S why w’e’re not dukes,” the He had lifted his sword for Gray Mouser demanded, unroll- emphasis, gripping it by the ing a forefinger from the fist on scabbard just below the guard, his knee so that it pointed across but now he held it still with the the brazier at Fafhrd. “Or em- hilt near his ear. perors, for that matter, or demi- “It hums a warning!” he said gods.” tersely after a moment. “The “We are not dukes because steel twangs softly in its !” we’re no man’s man,” Fafhrd re- sheath plied smugly, settling his shoul- Chuckling tolerantly at this ders against the stone horse- show of superstition, the Mouser trough. “Even a duke must but- drew his slimmer swoi*d from its ter up a king, and demigods the light scabbard, sighted along the gods. We butter no one. We go blade’s oiled length at the red our own way, choosing our own embers, spotted a couple of dark adventures—and our own follies flecks and began to rub at them Better freedom and a chilly road with a rag. than a warm hearth and servi- When nothing more happened, tude.” Fafhrd said grudgingly as he “There speaks the hound laid down his undrawn sword, turned out by his last master and “Perchance only a dragon walked not yet found new boots to slaver across the cave where the blade on,” the Mouser retorted with was forged. Still, I don’t like this comradely sardonic impudence. tainted mist.” “Look you, you noble liar, we’ve labored for a dozen lords and IS the cutthroat and the kings and merchants fat. You’ve G courtesan Tres had watched served Movarl across the Inner the fog coming across the fan- Sea. I’ve served the bandit Pulg. tastically peaked roofs of Lankh- We’ve both served this Glipkerio, mar until it obscured the low- whose girl is tied to Ilthmar this swinging yellow crescent of the same night.” moon and the rainbow glow from “Those are all exceptions,” the palace. Then they had lit the Fafhrd protested grandly. “And cressets and drawn the blue even when we serve, we make the drapes and were playing at

26 FANTASTIC — throw-knife to sharpen their ap- ticipations, beside Gnarlag of the petites for a more intimate but Two Swords, knowing him at hardly kinder game. once for a hate-brother, sacro- Tres was not unskillful, but sanct, another slave of the bless- Gis could somersault the weapon ed fog. a dozen or thirteen times before * «- * it stuck in wood, and throw as Fafhrd cupped his big hands truly between his legs as back over the brazier and whistled the over his shoulder without mir- gay tune sifting from the re- ror. Whenever he threw the knife motely twinkling palace. The so it struck very near Tres, he Mouser, now re-oiling the blade smiled. She had to remind her- of Scalpel against the mist, ob- self that he was not much more served, “For one beset by taints evil than most evil men. and danger-hums, you’re very A frond of fog came wreath- jolly.” ing between the blue drapes and “I like it here,” the northerner touched Gis on the temple as he asserted. “A fig for courts and prepared to throw. “The blood in beds and inside fires! The edge the fog’s in your eye-whites!” of life is keener in the street Tres cried, staring at him weird- as on the mountaintop. Is not ly. He seized the girl by the ear imagined wine sweeter than and, smiling hugely, slashed her wine?” (“Ho!” the Mouser neck just below his knuckles. laughed, most sardonically.). Then, dancing out of the way of “And is not a crust of bread the gushing blood, he delicately tastier to one an-hungered than snatched up his belt of daggers larks’ tongues to an epicure ? Ad- and darted down the curving versity makes the keenest appe- stairs to the street, where he tite, the clearest vision.” plunged into a warm-hearted fog “There spoke the ape who that was somehow as full of rage could not reach the apple,” the as the strong wine of Tovilyis is Mouser told him. “If a door to of sugar, a veritable cistern of paradise opened in that wall wrath. His whole being was there, you’d dive through.” bathed in sensations as ecstatic “Only because I’ve never been as those strong but fleeting ones to paradise,” Fafhrd swept on. the tendril’s touch on his temple “Is it not sweeter now to hear had loosed from his brain. Vi- the music of Innesgay’s betroth- sions of daggered princesses and al from afar than mingle with skewered serving maids danced the feasters, jig with them, be in his head. He stepped along cramped and blinkered by their happily, agog with delicious an- social rituals?”

THE CLOUD OF HATE 27 ”

“There’s many a one in Lankh- the thickening mist, “When I am mar gnawn fleshless with envy quite sure of that, I’ll let you by those sounds tonight,” the know.” Mouser said darkly. “I am not gnawn so much as those stupid HE twin brothers Kreshmar ones. I am more intelligently Tand Skel, assassins and alley- jealous. Still, the answer to your bashers by trade, were menacing question: no!” a miser in his hovel when the “Sweeter by far tonight to be red-veined fog came in after Glipkerio’s watchman than his them. As swiftly as ambitious pampered guest,” Fafhrd insist- men take last bite and wine-swig ed, caught up by his own poetry at a family dinner when unex- and hardly hearing the Mouser. pectedly summoned to the em- “You mean we serve Glipkerio peror’s banquet board, the two free?" the latter demanded loud- finished their business. Kresh- ly. “Aye, there’s the bitter core mar neatly bludgeoned a crater of all freedom: no pay!” in the miser’s skull while Skel Fafhrd laughed, came to him- thrust into his belt the one small self, and said almost abashedly, purse of gold they had thus far “Still, there is something in the extorted from the ancient man keenness and the watchman part. now turning to corpse. They We’re watchmen not for pay, but stepped briskly outside, their solely for the watching’s sake! swords a-swing at their hips, and Indoors and warm and comfort- into the fog, where they marched ed, a man is blind. Out here side-by-side with Gnarlag and we see the city and the stars, we Gis in the midst of the compact hear the rustle and the tramp of pale mass that moved almost in- life, we crouch like hunters in distinguishably with the river a stony blind, straining our fog and yet intoxicated them as senses for— surely as if it were a clouded “Please, Fafhrd, no more dan- white wine of murder and de- ger signs,” the Mouser protested. struction, zestfully sluicing away “Next you’ll be telling me there’s all natural cautions and fears, a monster a-drool and a-stalk in promising an infinitude of thrill- the streets, all slavering for ing and most profitable victims. Innesgay and her betrothal- Behind the four marchers, the maids, no doubt. And perchance false fog thinned to a single a sword-garnished princeling or glimmering thread, red as an two, for appetizer.” artery, silver as a nerve, that led Fafhrd gazed at him soberly back unbroken around many a and said, peering around through stony corner to the Temple of the

28 FANTASTIC !

Hates. A pulsing went ceaselessly mass coming, shooting questing along the thread, as nourishment tendrils before it, and cried gay- and purpose were carried from ly, “Look, Fafhrd, we’ve com- the Temple to the marauding fog pany! The fog comes all the mass and to the four killers, now twisty way from the Hlal to war doubly hate-enslaved, marching its paddy paws at our little fire.” along with it. The fog mass Fafhrd, frowning his eyes, moved purposefully as a snow said mistrustfully, “I think it tiger toward the quarter of the masks other guests.” nobles and Glipkerio’s rainbow- “Don’t be a scareling,” the lanterned palace above the break- Mouser reproved him in a fey water of the Inner Sea. voice. “I’ve a droll thought, Three black-clad police of Fafhrd: what if it be not fog, Lankhmar, armed with metal- but the smoke of all the poppy- capped cudgels and weighted gum and hemp-resin in Lankh- wickedly-barbed darts, saw the mar burning at once? What joys thicker fog mass coming and the we’ll have once we are sniffing it marchers in it. The impression to What dreams we’ll have to- them was of four men frozen in a night!” sort of pliant ice. Their flesh “I think it brings night- crawled. They felt paralyzed. The mares,” Fafhrd asserted softly, fog fingered them, but almost in- rising in a half crouch. Then, stantly passed them by as in- “Mouser, the taint! And my ferior material for its purpose. sword tingles to the touch!” Knives and swords licked out The questingmost of the swift- of the fog mass. With never a ly-advancing fog tendrils fin- cry the three police fell, their gered them both then and seized black tunics glistening with a on them joyously, as if here were fluid that showed red only on the two captains it had been their sallow slack limbs. The fog seeking, the slave-leadership mass thickened, as if it had fed which would render it invincible. instantly and richly on its vic- The two blood-brothers tall tims. The four marchers became and small felt to the full then the almost invisible from the out- intoxication of the fog, its surg- side, though from the inside they ing bittersweet touch-song of saw clearly enough. hate, its hot promises of all blood- lusts forever fulfilled, an unin- AR down the longest and most hibited eternity of murder-mad- Flandward of the five alleyways, ness. the Mouser saw by the palace- Fafhrd, wineless tonight, in- glimmer behind him the white toxicated only by his own ideal-

THE CLOUD OF HATE 29 isms and the thought of watch- moment he’d made his throw, so manship, was hardly touched by that Gis’s knife only sliced his the sensations, did not feel them ear flap as it hummed past. as temptations at all. Gis, trusting too supremely in The Mouser, much of whose his own speed, made no similar nature was built on hates and evasive movement—with the re- envies, had a harder time, but he sult that the hilt of Cat’s-claw too in the end rejected the fog’s stood out from his right eye- masterful lures—if only, to put socket an instant later. For a the worst interpretation on it, long moment he peered with because he wanted always to be shock and surprise from his the source of his own evil and other eye, then slumped to the would never accept it from an- cobbles, his features contorted in other, not even as a gift from the the ultimate agony. archfiend himself. Kreshmar and Skel swiftly The fog shrank back a dozen drew their swords and Gnarlag paces then, cat-quick, like a vix- his two, not one whit intimidated enishly proud woman rebuffed, by the winged death that had revealing the four marchers in bitten into their comrade’s brain. it and simultaneously pointing Fafhrd, with a fine feeling for tendrils straight at the Mouser tactics on a broad front, did not and Fafhrd. draw sword at first but snatched up the brazier by one of its three T was well for the Mouser then burningly hot short legs and I that he knew the membership whirled its meager red-glowing of Lankhmar’s underworld to the contents in the attackers’ faces. last semiprofessional murderer This stopped them long and that his intuitions and re- enough for the Mouser to draw flexes were both arrow-swift. He Scalpel and Fafhrd his heavier recognized the smallest of the cave-forged sword. He wished he four—Gis with his belt of knives could do without the brazier—it —as also the most immediately was much too hot, but seeing dangerous. Without hesitation himself opposed to Gnarlag of he whipped Cat’s-claw from its the Two Swords, he contented sheath, poised, aimed, and threw himself with shifting it jug- equally knowledgeable and swift glingly to his left hand. of thought and speedy of reac- Thereafter the fight was one tion, hurled one of his knives. swift sudden crisis. The three But the Mouser, forever cau- attackers, daunted only a mo- tious and wisely fearful, ment by the spray of hot coals snatched his head to one side the and quite uninjured by them,

30 FANTASTIC — ” raced forward surefootedly. “And I’ve a dissected ear,” Four truly-aimed blades thrust that one reported, exploring cau- at the Mouser and Fafhrd. tiously with little pats. He The northerner parried Gnai’- grinned. “Just at the edge lag’s righthand sword with the though.” Then, having digested brazier and his lefthand sword Fafhrd’s remark, “Serve you with the guard of his own weap- right for fighting with a kitchen on, which he managed simulta- boy’s weapon!” neously to thrust through the Fafhi'd retorted, “Bah ! If you bravo’s neck. weren’t such a miser with the The shock of that death-stroke charcoal, I’d have blinded them was so great that Gnarlag’s two all with my ember-cast!” swords, bypassing Fafhrd one to “And burnt your fingers even each side, made no second stroke worse,” the Mouser countered in their wielder’s death-spasm. pleasantly. Then, still more hap-

Fafhrd, conscious now chiefly of py-voiced, “Methought I heard an agonizing pain in his left gold chink at the belt of the one

hand, chucked the bi’azier away you brazier-bashed. Skel . . . in the nearest useful direction yes, alley-basher Skel. When I’ve which happened to be at Skel’s recovered Cat’s-claw— head, spoiling that one’s thrust at the Mouser, who was skipping E broke off because of an nimbly back at the moment, H ugly little sucking sound that though not more swiftly than ended in a tiny plop. In the hazy' Kreshmar and Skel were attack- glow from the nobles’ quarter ing. they saw an horridly supernatu- The Mouser ducked under ral sight: the Mouser’s bloody Ki-eshmar’s blade and thx-ust dagger poised above Gis’s punc- Scalpel up through the assas- tured eye-socket, supported only sin’s ribs—the easy way to the by a coiling white tentacle of the heart—then quickly whipped it fog which had masked their at- out and gave the same measured tackers and which had now dose of thin steel to the dazedly grown still more dense, as if it staggering Skel. Then he danced had sucked supreme nutriment away, looking around him dart- —as indeed it had—from its ingly and holding his sword high dead servitors in their dying. and menacing. All around was a faint clatter-

“All down and dead,” Fafhrd, ing of steel against cobble : other who’d had longer to look, as- fog tentacles were lifting the sured him. “Ow, Mouser, I’ve four dropped swords and Gis’s burnt my fingers!” knife, while yet others were

THE CLOUD OF HATE 31 —

groping at that dead cutthroat’s it entirely. Then he vanished belt for his undrawn weapons. from Fafhrd’s view as suddenly It was as if some great ghost and completely as if he had been squid from the depths of the In- swallowed up by a snowbank. ner Sea were arming itself for An instant later the armed combat. tentacles began to thrust and And four yards above the slash about, at random and er- ground, at the rooting point of ratically, as blind swordsmen the tentacles in the thickened might. But since there were a fog, a red disk was forming in full ten of them, some of the the center of the fog’s body, as strokes came perilously close to it were—a reddish disk that Fafhrd and he had to dodge and looked moment by moment more duck to keep out of the way. At like a single eye large as a face. the rutch of his shoes on the There was the inescapable cobbles the tentacle-wielded thought that as soon as that eye swords and knives began to aim could see, some ten beweaponed themselves a little better, again tentacles would thrust or slash as blind swordsmen might, and at once, unerringly. he had to dodge more nimbly Fafhrd stood between the not the easiest or safest work for swiftly-forming eye and the a man so big. A dispassionate Mouser. The latter, suddenly in- observer, if such had been con- spired, gripped Scalpel firmly, ceivable and available, might readied himself for a dash, and have decided the ghost squid was cried to the tall northerner, trying to make Fafhrd dance. “Make a stirrup!” Guessing the Mouser’s strate- eanwhile on the other gem, Fafhrd laced his fingers to- M side of the white monster, gether and went into a half the Mouser had caught sight of crouch. The Mouser raced for- the pinkishly silver thread and, ward and planted his right foot leaping high as it lifted to evade in the stirrup Fafhrd had made him, slashed it with the tip of of his hands and kicked off from Scalpel. It offered more resist- it just as the latter helped his ance to his sword than the whole jump with a great heave—and a fog-body had and parted with a simultaneous “Ow!” of extreme most unnatural and unexpected pain. twang as he cut it through. The Mouser, preceded by his Immediately the fog body col- exactly aimed sword, went lapsed and far more swiftly than straight through the reddish any punctured bladder—rather ectoplasmic eye-disk, dispersing it fell apart like a giant white

32 FANTASTIC —

puffball kicked by a giant boot “You’d feel a penny under the and the tentacles fell to pieces tongue of a man you were stran- too and the swords and knives gling !” Fafhrd told him angrily. came clattering down harmlessly * on the cobbles and there was a At the Temple of the Hates, swift fleeting rush of stench five thousand worshippers began that made both Fafhrd and the to rise up weakly and groaning- Mouser clap hand to nose and ly, each lighter of weight by mouth. some few ounces than when he After sniffing cautiously and had first bowed down. The drum- finding the air breathable again, mers slumped over their drums, the Mouser called brightly, “Hola the lantern-crankers over their there, dear comrade! I think I extinguished red candles, and the cut the thing’s thin throat, or lank archpriest wearily and heart string, or vital nerve, or grimly lowered his head and silver tether, or birth cord, or rested the wooden mask in his whatever the strand was.” clawlike hands. “Where did the strand lead * -» * back to?” Fafhrd demanded. At the alley-junctui'e the “I have no intention of trying Mouser dangled before Fafhrd’s to find that out,” the Mouser as- face the small purse he had just sured him, gazing warily over slipped from Skel’s belt. his shoulder in the direction “My noble comrade, shall we from which the fog had come. make a betrothal gift of it to “You try threading the Lankh- sweet Innesgay?” he asked lilt- mar labyrinth if you want to. ingly. “And rekindle the dear But the strand seems as gone as little brazier and end this night the thing.” as we began it, savoring all the “Ow!” Fafhrd cried out sud- matchless joys of watchmanship denly and began to flap his and all the manifold wonders hands. “Oh you small villain, to of—” trick me into making a stirrup “Give’t here, idiot boy!” of my burnt hands!” Fafhrd snarled, snatching the The Mouser grinned as he chinking thing for all his burnt poked about with his gaze at the fingers. “I know a place where nastily slimed cobbles and the they’ve soothing salves—and dead bodies and the scattered needles too, to stitch up the hai-dware. “Cat’s-claw must be notched ears of thieves—and* here somewhere,” he muttered, where both the wine and the “and I did hear the chink of gii’ls are sharp and clean!” .” gold . . THE END THE CLOUD OF HATE 33 34 THE MESSAGE By EDWARD WELLEN

Painfully, step by step, the jade man climbed to power

in a strange society. How could he know his grandiose

plans would crumble because a lover took a short-cut?

GAIN Old Kung swung his heard the chip fall, smelled the A ax. Again the blade struck blood of the pine, tasted the salt true. Again he felt the shock run of his sweat. He stopped to rest up his arm, saw the gash grow, for a moment. —

Chieh-chieh, an oriole was man came from some village in singing. Yao-yao, the insects some other valley. This was some sang, as they had sung in the poor madman who had broken pine since the beginning. Old loose from his kin and wandered Kung wished he could make a far and lost. Though how he had song. The breeze of his ax and come such a way through bram- his grunt and its bite were his bles with not a scratch— But the song. He had seen no nest in this gods watched over madmen. Old tree but he looked in it for the Kung kept good grip on his ax oriole, sighed, turned once more and spoke kindly. to the swinging of his ax. “Are you well, my son?” He stopped the swing short. The man tilted his head as if Shock ran down his arm. The ax better to hold in his ear the trembled. A man stood there and sounds Old Kung made. He Old Kung would have cut him in frowned, shook his head, made two at the loins. strange sounds of his own. Old Kung had heard no sound Old Kung kept even tighter but bird song and insect song, so grip on his ax. This one might how the man came to be there, be worse than a madman, this within swing of his ax, he could one might be a demon of the not tell. The man seemed not to north, one of the Hsiung-nu know how near he had come to though those, as all knew, had the nine yellow springs. He horns. No, this was a man, though seemed too far gone in surprise without the hue of a man. But at what he was seeing of this that could come of the cold or living world to know he had been from a ferment of his juices. close to the world of the grave. “Are you cold, my son? Have Old Kung too stared in surprise. you eaten? Would you honor me The man wore no clothes. by sharing my poor fire and His skin had the tinge of jade. food? Come.” Old Kung did not have to point And smiling he rested the out to the man that he stood broad of his ax on his shoulder bare. The man began to shiver. and beckoning he set out, look- He looked at Old Kung with wild ing back to see that the man eyes, as though some grief or followed. rage or fear or all three boiled within him. Old Kung knew by LD KUNG lived in a cave sight if not by name most of the O while he cut wood and till he people living this side of the should go down with his load to mountain. This man he knew the village. With wonder the neither by name or by sight. The stranger watched Old Kung

36 FANTASTIC strike fire. With wonder he drank took up the ax, wiped it, and broth of the li plant and ate went to work. In between the bread of unhusked kernels of song of his ax he heard chieh- millet. He took without question chieh and yao-yao and the stran- Old Kung’s offer of his own place ger walking about, but never far, on the stove bed; this was the in the woods. The stranger came crude k'ang Old Kung had made back when Old Kung was ready by scooping out the side of the to return to the cave and fol- cave and digging an opening lowed him there. underneath in which a fire He remained eight moons with glowed all night. And by that Old Kung, in the cave and in the light Old Kung saw whenever he hut in the village, from the time looked, and he wakened often in when ants burrow to the time the cold, the shining of the when the mantis begins to feed. stranger’s eyes. He helped Old Kung chop and In the morning, though it split and haul though it was meant chill for himself till he clear this was not work to his should warm himself at his work liking. He did not lose his caged and then the worse chill when he fury but learned to cover the should leave off work, Old Kung cage. And at the last he was no shared his rags with the stran- longer a man of jade, for as the ger. After the morning meal Old days wore on his skin took on Kung lifted his ax and set out the hue of a true man. At first for the cutting. The stranger Old Kung thought the man followed, clumsy on rag-bound smelled of walnut, so that one feet. might think the man had stained His hot eyes, restless as a himself with the juice, but as he shepherd’s, watched Old Kung at never saw the man at this, Old work. And when Old Kung Kung put the thought away. stopped to rest the stranger Too, the man was older than he

reached out for the ax. Old Kung had seemed ; beardless at his let him take it. The stranger coming, he grew mustache and looked at the iron and felt it and beard like a man well on in smiled. Then he learned its bal- years, a man past thirty. ance and swung at the tree sav- But though he looked to be over agely till his palms blistered and the illness of his body in days, the blisters broke. But he had it took moons to bring him back not spent his fury; he threw the to a whole mind. He did not suck ax to the earth and stalked into mother’s milk but in all other the woods. things he was as a child. Old After a moment Old Kung Kung had to teach him what a

THE MESSAGE 37 child came into the world know- Ch’in the young and strong eat ing—the names of things. He the best food, the old and weak learned fast, pointing, touching, eat the leavings. In Ch’in they handling. He learned greedily, prize the young and strong and showing anger such times as Old scorn the old and weak. What Kung, not knowing a thing, would the Master say?” He had stuck fast. “That I do not know, told the stranger what he knew my son.” Old Kung would sense of the teachings of K’ung Fu- the baffled fury. tzu and the stranger now nodded thoughtfully. This pleased Old HIS came more often toward Kung. “Ai! Life is hard here in Tthe end of the stranger’s stay, Wei, but it is not as it is in for he showed himself more and Ch’in.” more eager to learn the ways of One day Old Kung gave the the great world. Why he should stranger a name. At first he had want to fill his head with such a mind to call the man Lu in to- things passed Old Kung’s under- ken of the stranger’s hue at his standing. coming. But Old Kung saw the “I am not a sage but I have man waiting with hot eyes and seen many things and have heard strange smile for him to say a more. I will tell you what I can, name. So he did not speak the my son.” word but blew his nose with his Times Old Kung found this fingers and thought again. “I wearying, the stranger sucking will call you ‘Who’.” And so the his brain dry, as though it were name of the man was Shu. an egg. Other times Old Kung It was a bad year, living was found this quickening, learning lean. Shu would have to make himself how much more he knew his own way in the world, learn than he knew he knew. Who cowries were needful. could tell—maybe he had it in “Why not take up the carrying him to make a song. of wood? I do not say you are “Ai! Wei state builds a wall not fit for better, my son. But as against Ch’in and Han, Ch’i you do not seem to recall what builds a wall against Lu, Yen that may be and as I do not builds a wall against the know and since we must take Hsiung-nu and Ch’i, Chao builds things as we find them in this a wall against Wei. Ai! The world, why not become a wood strong grind down the weak. carrier?” Seven states make up the Middle And so Shu, while he still Kingdom, and of these the great- stayed with Old Kung, carried est is Ch’in. But in the state of wood. And when there were oth-

38 FANTASTIC er loads he carried these other “Inn I know. But black inn?” burdens hanging by ropes from “A den of robbers who prey the ends of his bamboo shoulder on travelers. Let us think of it pole. But it was clear he had not no more.” come into the world to do such The following day Shu made work. At the end of one long day, for the inn with a load of wood. resting outdoors with Old Kung, He stopped to rest at the bend he sat bent watching a line of of the rapid mountain stream ants hurrying to their mound. where a whirlpool spun light “How may a wood carrier be- from a cocoon of darkness. This come a wearer of the brocaded whirlpool had now and again robe of an official ?” given up the broken body of a This frightened Old Kung. careless traveler. Shu looked up- “Does the swallow know the way stream where it foamed through of the wild goose?” But he tried the narrows past the inn, and he to answer. “For that you need smiled. much learning. You must know The innkeeper looked at Shu, how to make signs with a bam- at his load, heard his price, nod- boo brush on bamboo slips.” ded to another to swing the gate Shu straightened as if all wide. So it began, and it did not weariness had fled. But he said take long for Shu to prove him- no more and for this Old Kung self of use to those at the inn. was glad. But it seemed that He learned to share the mirth from this time Shu in his mind of the company, even to making had done with Old Kung and the his eyes laugh. other villagers who befriended And so at the end of the eight him. Shu on his bed of straw and moons Shu left Old Kung’s roof awake seemed to dream himself and became one of the band at a butterfly mingling with cater- the black inn. pillars. All this Old Kung saw sadly. He longed to warn Shu. Beware NE day he asked, “What is —tiger and deer do not stroll to- O that building one li beyond gether. But Old Kung read Shu’s the village? Why do we never eyes and made himself blind and carry wood there?” dumb. He did not see Shu again Old Kung smiled wanly. “I save from far off. He did not would not tell you what goes on know it grew hard to say which there.” the deer, which the tiger. “I would know.” * * *- “That is an inn. But a black inn.” The scholar Li Ssu and his

THE MESSAGE 39 manservant halted at the inn. Li Ssu sat down. He leaned Its untrimmed reed thatch looked back and looked at Shu from uninviting but it would soon be under drooping eyelids. He did dusk and inside was warm wel- not think it wise to laugh. But come. A fire going—beanstalks one lesson should show the man crackling under a bubbling pot his place. “Bring writing mate- of beans—and bowing innkeeper rials.” and willing-looking maidserv- He looked sharply at what ants. So Li Ssu did not let the they laid before him. He was unsmoothed oak roof-beams and sorry he had not thought to put the eating from earthen bowl his name on his missing belong- and drinking from earthen vase ings. The brush winged. “This is stay him from putting up for the your name.” night. Shu took brush and slip, But when it came time to dress quickly drew the sign. Li Ssu and eat, pay and go, Li Ssu looked at the sign, then at the found his servant did not rush to man Shu, then wrote a thornier answer his call. It seemed serv- sign, spoke its name. Shu, with- ant had made off in the night out looking again at the sign, with all the belongings of mas- set it down in turn, said the ter. name. Li Ssu knew the man The innkeeper, deaf to talk of would never forget sign or name. sending back, gave way to a man He sighed to see he could not

Li Ssu’s age, a man calling him- frighten the man out of it. self Shu. Shu looked sad for Li Ssu and understanding. O Li Ssu stayed to teach the “There is a way for you to S ten thousand signs. When earn what you owe and more.” things are as they should be, Li Ssu glanced at encircling then the dragon flies in the sky. faces, eyed Shu. “I know Ching But when things go against him, from Wei. This place stinks of then he must hide in the mud, Ching.” He laughed at Shu’s holding back, awaiting his hour. face. “Understand. Rivers Ching Too, it would be interesting to and Wei conflow. Ching is mud- watch the man Shu and see how dy, Wei clear. To tell Ching from far he could overcome years of Wei means to tell impure from brute living. pure.” He waved that aside. Shu’s quickness to learn as- “What is this way?” tonished Li Ssu, gave him a “Teach me to make signs with thing to think on such times as a bamboo brush on bamboo he was not teaching or drinking. slips.” Such times were few, for Shu

40 FANTASTIC ; — kept his brush flying and a sat at the feet of the sage Hsun laughing fat girl kept his wine Tzu and studied the doings of flowing. But such times Li Ssu leaders and learned of the need gave Shu a look of anger to tame and rule Nature. “Now a though he knew it was other- team of four draws a carriage in wise, he would feel sure Shu was which my fellow pupil Han Fei a scholar mocking him by mak- rides, for Han Fei though ing out to learn with scornful tongue-tied is of the House of ease what he knew already. Han. But Li Ssu rides a donkey From somewhere appeared vol- —or rode one till the night his umes—joinings of many bamboo man vanished—and hopes the slips, each slip with its line of letters he carries—or carried till writing—and Shu was reading the night his man vanished and transcribing without will lead a high personage to prompting the sayings of the make him a guest of the payroll. Master, and those of Li Ssu’s “An end to this. You will pay own master, Hsun K’uang. Four me and I will go and when 1 moons had passed and Li Ssu reach Ch’in I will send back to was saying, while the girl re- Ch’u for new letters.” Foresee- filled his vase, “Now you have ing that he would have to kow- my learning, may it serve you tow to vanity, to wealth, to self- better than it has served me.” seeking scholarship, he fell into Li Ssu mocked himself, mocking moody silence, roused. “Lu Pu-

Shu also. “What will you do with wei? Now you speak of a linch 7 it? One man counts for noth- pin of linchpins. ing.” “Lu Pu-wei comes from Wei or But Shu said without smiling, Han—I forget which. He began “The linchpin, though but a as a peddler, became a great ts’un long, masters the whole merchant. He dealt in anything wheel.” —grains, ox hair, jades, fish, “True, 0 pupil of my eye. But salt, lacquer, silks, ginger, cin- will a Li Ssu become a linchpin? namon, gold, copper, cinnabar, I know I am drunk. But I like rhinoceros horn, tortoise shell, my tongue loose. I am bitter and pearls, hides, horses, cattle, it does me good to spit sheep can see I in out the ; you deal taste.” His mien that of worn words.” pride, he told again how he had The girl steadied his hand to been a government clerk in his refill the vase. native Ch’u, bending his back to “Living as a merchant in serve the mighty and burning to Chao, Lu Pu-wei grew friendly rise high, told again how he had with I Jen, a by-blow of the

THE MESSAGE 41 —

House of Ying. I Jen, one of the listened to reasoning that, be- many easy-to-spare bastard ing childless, she would have to princes of Ch’in, lived as a hos- give way to a concubine who tage in Chao, and so not at all could bear her husband an heir. high.” “So I Jen became that heir. “As the Master says, ‘Even And time passed, and three years the emperor has straw-sandaled ago Chao Hsiang Wang, who ” relatives.’ ruled over Ch’in for fifty-two

years and seemed strong for fif- T HAVE taught you well. Poor ty-two more, died, and Hsiao I Jen. But I Jen had a good Wen Wang succeeded him, ruled friend in Lu Pu-wei. I will tell three days, died, and none other you how good a friend Lu Pu-wei than I Jen succeeded to the was to I Jen. One evening the scarcely warm throne. And so good host Lu Pu-wei called for a now I Jen is Chuang Hsiang dancer. His guest I Jen turned Wang, ruler of Ch’in, and the languidly to watch the girl. Her dancer, Chichik, is his queen, long sleeves and pointed dancing and the next in line is Cheng, a shoes all seemed to dance in air. boy of some twelve years (I have I Jen’s fixed gaze and fallen chin heard that looking at him you acknowledged her pliant form, would see the nose of the dancer her eyebrows that were compass islanded in the broad face of Lu arcs, her nose that was the cres- Pu-wei), and Lu Pu-wei is prime cent of the Hun. I Jen’s face minister. grew more flushed and the veins “And Lu Pu-wei has a house- of his temple swelled and he hold great as the king’s and, by belched his admiration like a levying on the hundred thousand man. Now, Lu Pu-wei had taken families living and working on this dancer as a concubine. But his estate at Loyang and by col- when he saw the girl pleased I lecting a minister’s salary of ten Jen he gave her to his friend. thousand bushels of rice a year And it was true largesse, the and by virtue of his other vir- girl, thanks to Lu Pu-wei, being tues, keeps three thousand schol- with child. ars as guests on the payroll “This was not all Lu Pu-wei and could surely take on one did for his friend I Jen. Lu Pu- more poor scholar. I have heard wei went on business to Ch’in. that a thousand gold pieces hang Shortly, the principle wife of at his house gates for anyone Crown Prince Hsiao Wen Wang wise enough to better, by adding adopted I Jen. Who is proof or striking one word, a work Lu against gold? Or Jet us say she Pu-wei himself has written. I do

42 FANTASTIC not have to hear that it would took up brush and slip. “May I not be wise to succeed.” Li Ssu counsel your highness to keep laughed. “But right here at this trying his hand at strong inn I have seen looks passing, straight strokes, this way.” heard whisperings; I can tell Prince Cheng looked idly at even here you have your palace the sign Li Ssu’s brush had intrigues.” He was suddenly not seemingly of itself brought into drunk. “How did we come to being. “I have not seen that speak of Lu Pu-wei? Now I sign.” think on it, I do not remember “Nor has anyone else, your being first to bring up his name.” highness. To pass the time I “You think on it too late.” have made signs up. This I call The body came to a stillness hsien. As you see, it is mountain among rushes. A boatman sculled and man.” near, took off his palm-bark cape, He had not seen so much feel- leaned over the side and reached ing before on Li Ssu’s face. “Has into the water. The body was in it meaning?” He found himself the tatters of the clothing of Shu shivering. and so they knew it was not that Li Ssu looked away. “It stands of some careless traveler. Old for an immortal who lives in the Rung grieved for the strange glow of the star Shou Hsing.” wayfarer who had sojourned Prince Cheng’s mouth grew among them for so short a while. dry. All knew he did not like to And so at the crossing of the hear of death. Li Ssu had not year a Shu came to an end and a said death but its negation. Im- Li Ssu took up the journey. mortal. Yet the one brought the other to mind. Prince Cheng * * * found saliva to speak. “I too will be an immortal. I will offer up ITH the defiant humility of prayers to Shou Hsing. Where W a boy of thirteen years do I look?” Prince Cheng showed his brush- “To the brightest star in the work to Li Ssu, ornament of Lu southern sky. Further north it Pu-wei’s service. He waited Li does not manifest itself. One Ssu’s word with the acquiescent might say it shines for your pride of the coming ruler of highness, for it knows your Ch’in. highness lives here.” Li Ssu was neither hasty or Prince Cheng nodded. hesitant. “Here it is just, here wrangling, here testifies to your Lu Pu-wei did not love the highness’ boldness of attack.” He party of Confucian scholars at

THE MESSAGE 43 court. He loved least their leader mirror. Lu Pu-wei knew himself Wang Kuan. But he smiled now to be properly groomed. A sign of at Wang Kuan as they sat ex- warning, then. Look to yourself. changing needful nothings. And Look to history, learn from for- while he waited for Wang Kuan mer happenings. Wang Kuan’s to come to the point he busied talk was full of weeds; it would his hands under his sleeves. take him long to spell out what He still knotted cord to keep his gesture meant. Longer, one accounts as when he was a ped- did not burst out to the Prime dler, for though the sums he Minister. manipulated now were great Lu Pu-wei said, to urge him sums they were still sums. It to speak frankly, “A fishbone in had been another good year. In the throat.” He tried to look the seven years since the thir- man rather than Prime Minister. teen-year-old had come to the Wang Kuan said, “The fox throne the House of Lu had fat- shows his tail.” Silky voice out tened. The new canal cutting of silky beard. across the state brought water “What fox? What tail?” rich in silt to put life in the alka- Wang Kuan looked around as line soil; the yield had risen though admiring the stacks of twenty-eight pecks a square li. bamboo volumes. He bent nearer Then there was the new grain Lu Pu-wei. “I marvel at the cun- station for provisioning troops; ning brushes under your care since he sold for himself and and protection.” bought for the state . . . “I do my humble best to fos- Not that things of the flesh ter letters.” had it over things of the spirit “Of them all I would say the in his thoughts. This last year a most cunning is Li Ssu.” comet’s brush had written across So Li Ssu was Wang Kuan’s the sky. An auspicious sign. He fox. Lu Pu-wei’s fingers were had begun his great literary un- still. “It is true he is an artist.” dertaking; he had set his schol- “I cannot praise enough the ars to the task of compiling The tsou he wrote, in which he ad- Spring and Autumn of the House vised the new king the time was of Lu. He would have to remind now to make the seven warring Li Ssu he counted on him to put states one and to do this by force in time on the work, to add wit of arms and by craft of tongue.” and charm to it. “A work of art. I must confess Wang Kuan had fallen silent it owes something to my touch, and solemn. A slow finger point- Li Ssu having sought my coun- ed to Lu Pu-wei’s bronze pendant sel on certain phrasings.” U FANTASTIC “A work of art. For which his for Li Ssu, a partisanship willing majesty made Li Ssu guest-min- but slow to move in such things, ister. A great honor for a for- and to let the push seem to come eigner.” from the Confucianist faction. “And one he has earned.” Li Lu Pu-wei smiled at Wang Ssu had put forward the canal, Kuan. “A young fox wets his tail Li Ssu had put forward the grain crossing a stream.” They were station, Li Ssu had put forward old foxes. the plan to unify the warring states under the state of Ch’in * * * Li Ssu was busy with many things. Lu Pu-wei waited Wang ING CHENG did not at once Kuan’s fox’s tail. K let the chamberlain hand “Do you know he is urging his him the tsou from Li Ssu. How majesty to grant no more fiefs, was it Li Ssu dared argue against this to put an end to warlords a measure of the ruler’s? Had and their nagging little wars? Li Ssu grown so foolish he did Do you know he is urging his not know that simply by sending majesty to shift thousands of it in he rubbed the dragon’s powerful families from one prov- scales the wrong way and courted ince to another, this to hinder up- sure death? risings as well as to furnish It would be interesting to see workers where there will be how the man would chop logic. work? Does your excellency The king deigned to take up the know Li Ssu has hinted to his joined slips. But the bamboo rat- majesty you are slow to move in tled in the royal hands as though such things, having more care to a dragon ruffled its neck scales. buy and sell than to upbuild? He read, and in spite of him- Has Li Ssu sought your counsel self had to nod. It was true Ch’in on phrasing these urgings and had grown great by making use huntings?” of such skilled aliens as came to It would be a loss to the world hand. As to banishing sojourn- if something kept Li Ssu from ers, playing a part in the great liter- “This is not how to master the ary underaking. Lu Pu-wei tight- earth within the Four Seas or ened a knot. It would be wise not yoke the vying princes. Your to single out Li Ssu but to have liege subject has heard the say- the boy give out a decree ousting ing that when a country aggran-

all guest-ministers, banishing all dizes, crops abound ; when a state from the state. And it would be is mighty, subjects multiply; good to counterfeit partisanship when weapons are adamant, war-

T HE MESSAGE 45 riors are daring. So too, as Mount from the wider world, where T’ai does not shrug off small were wonders—among them, it clods, it has grown lofty; as the might be, the secret of eternal Yellow River and the Sea do not life. He folded the bamboo with spit back small trickles, they care. The star Shou Hsing was have grown deep; as the exem- saying to spare Li Ssu. plary kings did not scorn the Yet the dragon, once astir, had various black-heads, their virtu- to lash out at someone. It had ous sways grew firm. . . come to King Cheng’s ears the King Cheng had a broad face black-heads were laughing at an with the brow tapering away honorable title Lu Pu-wei held as like a dragon’s. Now the likeness prime minister—Second Father. heightened as he allowed him- And it was in King Cheng’s mind self a dragon smile. He read on. that Lu Pu-wei had been com- “Yet shrug off persons, adding muning overmuch with the

stature to other states ; spit back queen mother. The charge would guests, deepening pretensions of be clandestine plotting. When other princes make the scholars even the common people ; found of the whole world turn from the fun in the manner of the king’s .” setting sun . . birth it was time to remove the The smile faded. reminder, banish from the sight “ —this is to arm marauders of king and people that broad and to provision brigands. Many mirror of the king’s face, that works do not stem from Ch’in yet other self, that older self. The have worth, many scholars are king would banish Lu from place not Ch’inese born yet would be to place and in such a way that Ch’inese true. Yet spit out guests he would more and more lose to foster the foe and to enlarge face, till he understood, and took the enemy, unman this land and poison. inseminate outrage abroad. Then try to safeguard the land ; it will UEST Minister Li Ssu un- not work.” G dertook to gloss for King Now the long narrow eyes Cheng a writing of Han Fei’s whitened and the toucher of the that the king had found to his reversed scales of the dragon liking. The writing went, “Wait came near dying. Killing all for- to chance upon a naturally eign-born sojourning in Ch’in straight piece of wood and you would keep them from going to will have no arrow for a hundred serve and strengthen other generations. Wait to chance states. upon a naturally round piece of But that would cut him off wood and you will have no wheel

46 FANTASTIC ; fox’ a thousand generations. state of Han, smallest of the

. . . But everywhere men drive seven warring states. The king chariots and shoot game—how had long been deaf to Han Fei’s come? Because they have the sound words, this though slav- tools to force things into shape.” ering Ch’in had been nibbling And Li Ssu said, “In plain, your away at Han. Han Fei had seen majesty, only by means of the his years coming on without a law, which promises reward and place at court. Han Fei had wear- threatens torture, will men be- ied of writing on statesmanship come upright and society encom- and tuimed to writing bitter pass oi’der.” tracts—“Solitai’y Vexation” and Wang Kuan grimaced to show “The Five Vermin.” So now the he agreed with the interpretation king’s words fell strangely on but disagreed with the thought. Han Fei’s ears. The king sighed and made to “We have not been unmindful speak. The official court historian of your merits. We have ar- drew his brush from his cap to ranged for you to go to the court set down the words of the king. of Ch’in. We have made the way “How I wish I had been living smooth so that King Cheng will in the time of Han Fei!” welcome you. You will remember Li Ssu remained silent. Wang that you are a true son of Han Kuan looked at him in sui’prise. and you will prevail on King Then, smelling jealousy, Wang Cheng to end forays across our Kuan, though as a true Confu- western border. See that you jus- cianist he detested the Legalist tify our trust.” school and so held no brief for Hen Fei, tongue-tied most Han Fei, smiled and said, “But when he most wanted to speak, your majesty is so living. Is that tried to make the king under- not so, Li Ssu? Were you and stand how grateful he felt. Han Fei not fellow pupils of His majesty graciously waved Hsun K’uang?” away all thanks. “That is so.” Wang Kuan could not let it rest AN FEI looked ai-ound the at that. “It is in your majesty’s H ' cell. power to send to ask Han Fei to He thought of his own parable court, promising reward.” of the farmer of Sung who found King Cheng looked at Li Ssu, a dead rabbit under a dead pine who bowed and so hid his eyes. excited at finding a tree against which running rabbits would Han Fei found himself bowing club themselves to death, the before his king, the ruler of the farmer quit farming and sat

THE MESSAGE 47 waiting under the pine while his sure of, this is fi’aud.” But he land went to waste. At the time knew the truth. As always when of making, Han Fei had meant it came to the pinch he choked that farmer to be the king of silent. Han. Now Han Fei felt himself “I know you are guiltless, my to be that rabbit. The tree was friend. This is the work of the the welcome of King Cheng. Confucianists, who scheme The walls bore scratchings against us Legalists. But the Han Fei did not care to make out. king’s men will wring words of Footsteps. The door unbarred guilt from your lips.” Li Ssu and grated open. But Han Fei drew a tiny vase from his sleeve. saw it was not to let him out. It “I am helpless to do anything but was to let another in. The man this—and even this I do at wore a concealing cloak. He great risk, out of friendship.” leaned back and looked at Han Han Fei took the tiny vase Fei from under drooping eye- carefully into his hand and stood lids. smiling at it gently. “Have the years changed me The jailer came and whispered so? It is your old friend Li Ssu.” to Li Ssu. Han Fei could hear He spoke low and as though hold- footsteps. Li Ssu turned urgent- ing back tears, so that Han Fei ly to Han Fei. would not have known the voice “They come. They come to tor- was the voice of Li Ssu. ture you. Quickly, my friend, It was a shock to see the they come.” change. But Han Fei knew the Han Fei would have looked in- years had used him too. He felt to Li Ssu’s eyes but Li Ssu’s near tears himself and would face was in shadow. Han Fei put have liked to laugh with Li Ssu the tiny vase to his lips, kept it at remembrances of their callow touching as he threw his head arguments of twenty years ago. back, held the bitter draft in his But he was most tongue-tied mouth. He gave himself time to when he was most moved, and Li think of gems he had wished to Ssu was speaking. voice, of gems he would never “We do not have much time. voice, of gems men placed in a The king is sure you come plot- corpse’s mouth. ting to take his life.” The jailer made little whimper- In his mind Han Fei could ing sounds in the corridor. The hear himself saying, “Being sure footsteps rang louder. Han Fei of a thing without a base of swallowed, shivered. facts, this is foolishness. Basing “Go sweetly to the nine yellow a case on a thing one cannot be springs, my friend.”

48 FANTASTIC Li Ssu turned to go. Han Fei General Fan Yu-ch’i. “King saw only now, as Li Ssu slipped Cheng has placed a great price out, the left stroke of brow and on the general’s head.” the hooked downstroke of nose. “What better way, your high- This was not Li Ssu. ness, for craft to hide craft?” The door closed. The footsteps Pi’ince Tan sighed. “Enough. rang still louder. He is a guest and we do not Han Fei filled his lungs to cry wish to insult our guests. Here out—but he had always been are many guests, with as many tongue-tied, and most when he grievances. We do not fear to most had call to speak. And King speak. Who among you will take Cheng’s men, coming to set Han it on himself to rid the world of Fei free, the king having learned King Cheng?” that some blunderer had thrown There was indrawing of breath his guest into prison, found Han then a yao-yao as of insects as Fei had set himself free and si- Ching K’o of Wei came forward lent forever. and bowed. All knew Ching K’o as a quiet person who would pRINCE Tan of Yen lent ear to yield the right of way rather ihis counselor. than fight over it. Then there “Is this the other half of Li was another indrawing of breath Ssu’s plan? Your highness has as General Fan Yu-ch’i kowtowed read the smuggled copy of the beside Ching K’o. tsou in which Li Ssu urges his The counselor smiled. “Anoth- king to make the seven warring er volunteer? If you are the fugi- states one, by force and by craft. tive you say you are, you would Ch’in is attacking our neighbor not dare recross the border of Chao, putting our own Yen in Ch’in in any guise. If you are peril. That is force. A Ch’in gen- not, then you are a spy and would eral, fleeing the wrath of his warn the king, and we should not king, seeks refuge at the court of let you go.” Yen. This could be craft.” General Fan Yu-ch’i did not The counselor wheeled to face look at the counselor but at the man he spoke of and all eyes Prince Tan, waiting the prince’s followed his gaze. But General leave to speak. Getting it, he Fan Yu-ch’i did not blink, did not said, “In Ching K’o you have the protest. The counselor faced his man to do the deed. But where prince again. is the ruse whereby he wins to “If craft, is it wise to speak so see the king?” He waited for freely before this man?” murmuring to die. “If your Prince Tan looked mildly at highness will give me leave to

THE MESSAGE 49 withdraw to my quarters, I will by reading milfoil stems and tor- kill myself.” toise shells could tell the king Prince Tan looked at him in his chances of finding the elixir mild surpi’ise. “How is this?” of everlasting life, cut short the “Ching K’o will gain quick reading, which at this point hearing when he takes my head bore on omens having to do with to the king and claims the the king’s son, Crown Prince price.” Fu-su, for the king was anxious There followed a long moment that auspices for the boy should of stillness, then the counselor be neither too bad or too good, bared his belly and placed a stick and sent to bring the man in on his shoulder to show that he straightway. owned his fault and that he In the lower hall Ching K’o begged rebuke. gave gifts to the chamberlain and showed him the box. The Ching K’o carried the box with chamberlain opened it. A quick General Fan’s head inside and glance showed him a head he Ch’in Wu-yang, a hard man knew to be General Fan’s. He whose kin Prince Tan would see looked inquiringly at the map to, carried a map case. They got case Ch’in Wu-yang carried. into Ching K’o’s carriage and set Ching K’o opened the lid to show out for Ch’in. Prince Tan and a silken scroll. those of his retainers in on the “That is a map of the fertile plot, all wearing white to token region of Tu-k’ang in Yen, your mourning, for Ching K’o had no excellency. The map is a sign of hope of coming back alive, of- cession ; but”—he lowered his fered a sacrifice to the god of the voice—“should Yen renege his roads and saw Ching K’o off as majesty may find it of some small far as the bank of the I Shui. use in coming battles. I do not The river became a river of ask more than that. I ask only tears. Ching K’o did not look the price of the head. But should back. his majesty press me with his bounty I hope your excellency LL was rumor of war in the will be kind enough to take some A capital of Ch’in. But word a share.” man had come to collect the re- The chamberlain nodded gra- ward for the head of General Fan ciously, signed to an officer of outflew all. the palace guard. Soldiers King Cheng, who had been searched Ching K’o and Ch’in keeping Li Ssu waiting, being Wu-yang, found them weapon- busy with Taoist magicians who less, let them follow the cham-

50 FANTASTIC berlain up into the throne room, his right hand he struck. The a bright, pillared hall. sleeve tore off in Ching K’o’s The chamberlain led them past hand as the king twisted away. Li Ssu, past Crown Prince Fu- Ch’in Wu-yang fell to the floor su, past Dr. Hsia Wu-chu, past and groveled. the Taoist magicians Hsu Shih The boy, Crown Prince Fu-su, and Lu Ngao, to within thirty- watched with big eyes the game

three paces of the throne ; he told his father and the man were them to kneel and remain at this playing. His father was running spot. Ching K’o’s eyes stayed on around the pillars and trying to the king as the chamberlain went tear his bronze sword loose. And forward to kneel before the the man was running after his throne and speak to the king. father and trying to touch him The reward stood at one thousand with the dagger. All others were catties of gold and a city of ten painted figures on silk. thousand families. Then Dr. Hsia hit the man with King Cheng looked at Ching his medicine bag and threw the K’o and Ch’in Wu-yang. “Ap- man off stride. And now his fath- proach the steps of the throne.” er had freed the sword and was As they walked to the foot of taking backward cuts at the the dais, Ch’in Wu-yang turned man. Then a dazzle shut all out. pale and shook. All eyes fell on Li Ssu, using his pendant mir- him, and his pallor and shaking ror, had caught the light and grew. strove to aim the beam. Ching K’o smiled and said, The sword slashed the man’s “This is a black-head who has left thigh. The man stumbled, never seen the Son of Heaven. So raised his hand to throw the dag- he trembles. Let it please the ger. For a wavering moment the Great King to excuse him for a bit mirror might have flashed into and permit this humble servant to the king’s eyes or the man’s. draw near.” Hanging in the balance, the beam The king said, “Bring the lit the Crown Prince’s stubborn map.” mouth, swung to blind Ching K’o. Ching K’o set the box down, The throw went wild, the dagger took the map case and handed it clattered off a pillar. And now to the king. The king took out the the palace guards were upon map, unrolled it, sat staring at Ching K’o. the dagger that fell out. Ching K’o snatched it up, careful of the ING CHENG had only begun poisoned tip. With his left hand K to flesh his sword on his foes. he seized the king’s sleeve, with By craft Ch’in broke up the

THE MESSAGE 51 52 FANTASTIC league of the six states against General Meng T’ien smiled as Ch’in, by force Ch’in picked them he rode past great bells that off. Han fell, and Chao, and Wei, hung in bell frames having the and Ch’u, and Yen, and Ch’i. shape of dragons with stags’ When General Meng Tien heads. He smiled again when he called for clash, the battle line of came to the twelve towering stat- Ch’in—bowmen on the left flank, ues, also bronze, having the form spearmen on the right, chariots of northern barbarians. For the of three and four horses abreast First Emperor had melted down in the center, and everywhere and cast into those bells and banners and streamers—was a frames and statues all the weap- great rolling wave; the ears of ons of war of his beaten foes and the foe heard its rote in horns, all those in the hands of the feu- drums, cymbals, and gongs, then dal lords, so that in all the seven the ears of the slain foe filled states, now one, only soldiers of bushels. When General Meng the First Emperor bore weapons. T’ien called for surprise, the of- General Meng T’ien rode out ficers of Ch’in put bits of wood through the city gate. in the mouths of the troops to He rode to the royal park, keep them from talking ; the ears where A-fang, the First Emper- of the foe heard nothing, then the or’s summer residence, stood on ears of the slain foe filled bushels. the bank of the Wei. He looked at Much had changed while Gen- it and could believe it was the eral Meng T’ien was at the wars. sweat and blood of seven hundred When he reached Hsien-yang, thousand convicts. He entered new capital of the empire, he saw A-fang with much emotion. He how much. had dreamed of this day. Now, The streets were full of sullen after nine years of fighting, he

faces ; 120,000 feudal families could send his three hundred were here now, without roots, thousand veterans home to a piece without force. New palaces filled of land from their grateful Em- the sky; at King Cheng’s orders, peror. whenever General Meng T’ien The First Emperor sat before took the capital of a state he had the embroidered screen and Su- sent back plans of the palace ; now preme Justice Li Ssu was there corridors radiated from the First and the left-hand historian to Emperor’s palace to six replicas. write down what they did and First Emperor—for the king was the right-hand historian to write no longer a mere king but Ch’in down what they said. And Gen- Shih Huang-ti, the Only First of eral Meng T’ien saw the Imperial the Ch’in dynasty. Jade Seal with its inscription

THE MESSAGE 53 “By command of Heaven to reign sail, but a storm came up and forever.” And the soldier was in only flotsam washed back. But awe of the greatness of his mas- the First Emperor would not let ter. Earth was his. Northward to this cast him down. He would Yu, where the rich built a fox keep on with his search for the chamber in their homes and set magic mushroom. As Li Ssu had out food in it to propitiate ghost pointed out, only one thing hu- foxes, and southward to Annam, man remained to keep the full where windows faced north be- mind of the First Emperor from cause the of the heat ; to the Sheep’s- fastening on the quest— Huns Gut Mountain and the Eastern of the steppes. They overshad- Sea. Earth trembled at his name. owed his dream of eternal empire Then the First Emperor spoke, as those giant bronze statues ov- and General Meng T’ien would ershadowed his capital. He had not let himself think the First transformed one threat into re- Emperor’s voice sounded like the minder of another. One day the voice of a jackal. Hsiung-nu would fold their yurts General Meng T’ien tried to and swarm over this land of follow what the First Emperor peaches. Against that day he said. He wondered why the First would build a wall. Was not “the Emperor should be speaking to piling up of earth to build a him of Tao and telling him how foundation” a symbol of immor- at Li Ssu’s bidding the Taoist tality ? sage An-ch’i Sheng had visited The General wondered why the the First Emperor and spoken First Emperor should be speak- with him three days and three ing to him of a wall. And then nights of P’eng-lai, Fang-chang, he began to understand that the and Ying-chou, the Three Island First Emperor was not sending Mountains of the Eastern Sea, home the men whose swords had where genial fairies greeted com- carved empire. The First Emper- ers with the elixir of everlasting or was sending them noi’th to life, a brew of the magic mush- build a wall. room that grew there. The First General Meng T’ien stiffened, Emperor mentioned that he had thinking of his three hundred set the Taoist magicians Hsu thousand weary men, who alone Shih and Lu Ngao in charge of a had weapons. Then General Meng fleet bearing gifts for the fairies T’ien bowed. —three thousand young men, five hundred virgins, seed grain, and ENERAL Meng T’ien looked craftsmen; they had sent up in- G up from the silken map to cense for divine winds and set stare at the young man bowing

54 FANTASTIC before him. The General’s finger measure of the map. “The wall stayed where it had stopped in must cast a long shadow. It its retracing of the line Li Ssu should stand at least two chang had drawn across the map. Gen- high. And here is the course it eral Meng T’ien remembered he must take.” Li Ssu let his brush had sent for this man, the finest fly as if copying from a ready- horseman among his lieutenants. made draft. General Meng T’ien He stole a glance at a scrap of watched with horror as the loops bamboo in the curl of his left and twists took shape. He palm. thought, Here is where I would “Pai Ma, look at this map.” turn aside, here a natural fast-

Pai Ma glowed ; General Meng ness, here a week spot. He moves knew his name. He hastened to in darkness. General Meng T’ien look at the map, saw it was one chewed his brush to bits, then of the empire. Across it ran a had to speak. He pointed to a black line like the writhings of place. “Here it is so steep the a dragon. He looked up with alert workers would have nowhere to eyes and questioning smile. He stand. If we moved—” His eyes saw General Meng scowling at met Li Ssu’s. He saw a caged fury him and grew faint. Then he saw he did not dare loose. General Meng was scowling not Pai Ma grew faint, seeing Gen- at him but through him, at some- eral Meng was indeed scowling thing that had taken place or at him. that had yet to take place. “We move north to secure this The First Emperor had left the area. You will follow this line. planning of the wall to Li Ssu, You will not deviate a millet and General Meng T’ien was see- grain. You will make trail of one ing himself and Li Ssu sitting hundred li a day.” down together. Li Ssu with Pai Ma bowed, took the map, strange eagerness watched Gen- bowed again, somehow found eral Meng T’ien spread out the himself outside sitting on his latest map of the realm. Li Ssu horse, and he stung the horse into with overelaborate care opened a gallop. his writing case and inked his brush. General Meng T’ien drew GR Minister of Learning out his own brush; its writing FWang Kuan time was too tip was of hair and he poised it heavy because work was too light. with modest pride, for he had de- It was Prime Minister Li Ssu signed it himself. But Li Ssu did who compiled the lexicon Ts’ang- not note it to marvel at it and chieh p’ien so that all would praise it. Li Ssu was taking his speak in one tongue. It was Li

THE MESSAGE 55 Ssu who made over the old Jcu Sheng having warned him to keep script into the new chuan style secret his sacred whereabouts or so that all would write in one spiteful spirits would cut him off hand. It was Li Ssu who formu- in his quest of the magic mush- lated one set of weights and room. Queen Mother Chichik had measures. It was Li Ssu who only the women’s quarters of a standardized even the axle palace, and no man. lengths of wagons. It was Li Ssu Since the banishment of Sec- who caused the copper coin to ond Father Lu Pu-wei the Queen come in and the cowry to go out. Mother could see in private only It was Li Ssu who led the First eunuchs. Now she began to notice Emperor to break with the old an upstanding young man about ways. the palace, a new gardener. Her All Wang Kuan and his party majesty started to frequent the could do was deplore the trend, garden. She saw the young man and this merely gave Li Ssu more would do as she said and be si- openings to say of the Confucian- lent. The young man shaved to ists “They blow aside the fur to seem a eunuch, that he might en- seek faults.” But Li Ssu did not ter the women’s quarters. have all his way; the teachings It was not long before this of K’ung Fu-tzu had a ghostly came to the ears of the First Em- hold. It was Wang Kuan who peror. Li Ssu was tactful in tell- saw the First Emperor feared to ing but the First Emperor’s rage cut the belly cord of the mind. It was great. The First Emperor was Wang Kuan who dared up- banished Queen Mother Chichik. braid the First Emperor for The imperial torturer sought to each break with the old ways. It learn from the once false eunuch was Wang Kuan who still spoke who was it paid to place the once out against Li Ssu. upstanding young man at the palace. But long ago someone * * *• had cut out the man’s tongue and Queen Mother Chichik thought the man could frame to say only often and with bitterness of the a meaningless “’i ’u.” lot of a woman. Her son the First Emperor had, besides A-fang, Minister of Learning Wang 270 other palaces, all within a Kuan had heard of the First Em- sweep of 200 li. Her son’s palaces peror’s rage at finding his moth- had each a stock of lovely women, er out. But Wang Kuan would not spoils of conquest. Her son did not be true to his Confucianist teach- sleep twice running in the same ings if he did not speak out palace, the Taoist sage An-ch’i against unfilial conduct. It was

56 FANTASTIC —a wrong for the child to judge the farming and tree-growing, those pai'ent, wrong for the child to the First Emperor’s censors deal harshly with the parent, branded on the face like common wrong for the child to drive the criminals, shaved the head, parent away. But this child was ringed iron about the neck, and the First Emperor. If Wang marched in the unending lines of Kuan spoke out he would touch the tortured and mutilated to the the reversed scales of the dragon. northern border to stand watch It would be bad for Wang Kuan by day and work on the wall by and his party. He could not tell night. how bad; he could not measure And the First Emperor com- the root strength of the grass of manded the scholars remaining Confucianist teachings or weigh to leave off speaking of the past the wind of First Emperor’s and his secret agents provoked wrath—it was Li Ssu who was speech and the First Emperor the master of weights and meas- buried 460 Confucian scholars ures. Wang Kuan did as he alive. thought the Master would have And now it was as if the past done. had never been, as if the world * * * had begun with the First Emper- And, in the thirty-third year or. He looked at himself in his of his reign, Ch’in Shih Huang- pendant mirror. There was a kind ti did as he would. of immortality in building a wall Those with carping thoughts against the past. in the belly, those who preached the past to pervert the present T the crest of the hill Pai Ma and forestall the future, those A reined in to breathe his died with all their kindred. Gov- mount. Breath plumed from the ernment officials who suffered horse. Pai Ma sat beating his them to break this law suffered arms. The wind at this height the same retribution. Wagon- cut through a man. But he was loads of bamboo writings went up glad ; according to the faded and in flames, and the Classics and frayed map three days’ ride the histories of the states the would bring him to the end— First Emperor had crushed and twenty chang drop to the river. all works that did not fit in with He looked back the way he had his rule wrote their ghosts in come and saw the wall rising out smoke. And those who failed to of the hoofprints of his horse. To turn in, within thirty days of the either side of the hoofprints or edict, all books other than works where hoofprints would not show on foretelling, on healing, on —arrowings of stone, men THE MESSAGE 57 scratched parallel lines twenty- saw and the horse reared to a five feet apart. Farther back, on halt. ridge and slope, men deepened Before him a palanquin sat on the scratches into trenches for the ground. It sat broadside to the footings. Still farther back, the flow of the river far below, as on slope and ridge, men laid the though the passenger wished to foundations, men built up from gaze across at a misty glow that the trenches twin walls twenty to might be fires of a Hunnish camp. thirty feet high of dressed gran- Pai Ma looked around for bearers ite, men hauled up baskets of and attendants, saw no one. All earth, gravel, broken brick, and seemed so still save for his stone to fill the space between horse’s snorting that he thought the faces, men tamped down the no one was in the palanquin. And fill, men paved this high roadway he wondered what had caused the by laying layers of foot-square abandonment. He put his hand on impervious brick in lime mortar his sword and looked around and took care that it drained, again. Then a voice came from men shielded this roadway by the palanquin. raising man-high crenellated par- “I said I wished to be alone.” apets and studded the wall with The yellow silk curtains parted square watchtowers an arrow’s He saw a woman. She wore a flight from one another, and in winter robe of fox fur and lamb- each watchtower a sentinel skin ; the fox fur being the down watched for attack and stood on the fox’s ribs, this was the ready to light a beacon fire of finest of garments. This was a wolf’s dung. At the passes, where high person. This was the Queen wagons and horsemen might en- Mother Chichik. Powder hid the ter, General Meng T’ien posted lines that would betray her years, garrisons of one hundred men or but her frown showed their hid- more, with food, medicines, and ing place. He dismounted and weapons to hold out for months. bowed. Her eyes took him in. A And in this way the wall writhed silken fan came into play. into being. “Who are you ?” He faced forward, kneed his He had lost his tongue. horse through the thin stand of “What do you here?” pine, for the line on the map said “Your majesty—” He stam- to go through and not around. mered his name and his mission. Coming out into unscreened wind “Come nearer.” man and horse bent their heads. He moved closer. Her eyebrows So Pai Ma did not see at once arched higher, her eyes smiled what stood in the way. Then he above the fan.

58 FANTASTIC “You know of my banish- to duty. She did not seem to see ment?” that look in the dusk. His throat dry, he nodded. He She reached out and took his was glad it was dusk. hand. “You will come with me She grew eager. “What is the and stay the night.” gossip? How are things at He did not dare withdraw his court?” hand. “It is not that I do not ” He knew she had been later at wish to make this trip— the capital than himself. Still, “It is safe. Those who might Pai Ma had the latest by way of be spies of the First Emperor headquarters, for General Meng proved to be thieves—at least, T’ien sent to stay in touch with missing belongings of mine Pai Ma. Pai Ma found his turned up in their things—and tongue; he was happy to speak they have gone off to work on the with the great. She turned to gaze wall. Call my servants to come out across the river while he told carry me down.” her all he thought it wise for her He could not say no. to hear from him. After he had done, she remained so and he T was late when he wakened. wondered if she had heard him. I He bore the signs and pains of Then she turned back and looked love—the dents of love-bites, the at him and he remembered with weals of scratches, the bruises of an uneasy thrill what he had blows, the memory of cries. One heard of her easily lifted robe. did not have to burn incense on She smiled as though she knew her belly and prick her with nee- the stir in him. dles. “Do you wonder why I sit It was very late. He did not here?” stay to eat but hurried to horse. It was not for him to wonder. The last he saw of her she lay “I wished to look toward the snoring in bed. yurts of my people.” She smiled It was too late to make this at his surprise. “Chichik is a Hsi- day’s ride to where the messen- ung-nu name. It means Flower. ger from General Meng T’ien It also means that my son is of would be waiting with provisions, the people he would build a wall gossip, and jealousy. If he kept against.” She grew strangely to the line on the map, it was too gay. “Poor Pai Ma. You have been late. moons on the trail. It must be cold Pai Ma took up where he had to sleep alone out here.” left off, then struck out, deviat-

He sighed as a man full of ing forty li. He had never made cares, looked grave as a man true sense of the way the line ran, to

THE MESSAGE 59 begin with, and he would be kites, below ground, food for speeding the work. No one would mole-crickets and ants; here it ever know the difference. was neither—dead bodies served as fill, were food for the wall. * * * The lord at times smiled too, Old Rung did not trust men his eyes were in dream. who might be from the govern- f ment. But the man seemed a The Lady Chiang-nu wondered true scholar ; he went about set- if willow grew where her lord ting down the songs of the black was, ten thousand li away, to heads so they would not die when make him pine for home. By day they died on the air. her sleeves were wet, by night her And at last Old Rung had said, pillow. “Yes, I know a song. I do not All nights were long. But she know whether I made it or wheth- knew a degree of quiet this night. er I heard it. But this is the The moon spread fan-wise as song. I do not sing well. ‘Though clouds passed. In the morning only three may live out of all her faithful manservant was set- Ch’u’s kin, No other than Ch’u ting out to her husband at the will cause the end of Ch’in.’ I wall. told you I do not sing well.” Old Rung had sung too well. The servant drove the cart with Now old Rung worked beside all haste toward the building a lord. The world had truly wall. He would let nothing stop turned upside-down, Old Rung him from reaching his lady’s and a lord working on a wall. Old master with food and clothing. Rung did not sing now. The He would dare more. If he saw workers were all silent till they it went hard with his lady’s mas- got on the rope to haul up a gran- ter, he would help his lord get ite block, then they chanted and away. grunted together under the lash. It outraged the faithful ser- Old Rung did not think of that vant to hear that of 182 cartloads as singing. of rice only one had reached the Clothing strips of rag, limbs workers on the wall, that already lengths of bamboo, face blade a half million had starved to thin, Old Rung worked beside a death, that the First Emperor lord and it was hard to tell black had pressed every third man in head from lord. the empire into the work. The At times Old Rung coughed servant drove the cart toward blood, looked up at a kite and the building wall. smiled. Above ground, food for Even where the soil was loose,

60 FANTASTIC and wagon wheels cut deep, the into Chao Kao by looking at him going was not too tiresome. The and saying, “Do not tell a king cart, with its axle length the same you have dreamed you were as that of all other carts, followed king.” easily in the tracks of the one But Li Ssu had lost his zeal. before. His indifference could be harder Too easily. For the nearer he to take than his frowns, as in came to the Great Wall, and the letting Chao Kao and Meng I, more he heard, the slower the ser- brother of General Meng T’ien, vant wished to go. Ch’u Kung, battle it out between themselves. the yw-shih of the Ch’in, was a Meng I gained when he became striking hawk and the men of his the First Emperor’s chariot com- press gangs were men of beaks panion. Chao Kao gained when and claws. The lash of the en- by devoting himself to the lore forcer saw the workers did not of penal laws he won the First drowse their lives away. Emperor’s favor and became When at the crest of a hill the Keeper of the Chariots. Chao servant came within sight of the Kao slipped when, at the very Great Wall he lashed the cart time he was tutoring Prince Hu- around and drove with all haste hai in how to decide criminal away from the Great Wall. cases, the law caught him out in a shameful crime. Meng I gained HE eunuch Chao Kao won- what seemed the game when, de- Tdered that Li Ssu had lost his ciding the case, he stripped Chao zeal to run things once the Great Kao of post and rank and sen- Wall stood. Li Ssu had shown a tenced him to death. But Chao gloating zeal while it was build- Kao came back when the First ing; had he caused its building Emperor, weighing Chao Kao’s because he liked human suffer- assiduousness in his work, par- ing, because he had some in- doned him and restored him to ward torment of his own? his place. Li Ssu treated their Chao Kao knew only that Li deadly game as of little moment. Ssu seemed merely to be waiting. Chao Kao found this infuriating Often Li Ssu looked at the sky and comforting. Li Ssu had lost as though waiting, with frozen his zeal. fury, some sign from the gods. Chao Kao rejoiced that Li Ssu Li Ssu showed quick interest had lost his zeal. But it was best when news reached court a stone to shun show of wonder and re- from heaven had landed. But joicing, best to move carefully. when he went with the First Em- For once Li Ssu had thrown fear peror to see it, and saw it, his in-

THE MESSAGE 61 terest died. The First Emperor’s of temper. He banished Crown interest did not die. For someone Prince Fu-su to serve with the had scratched on the molten northern army guarding the mass, as though this was word Great Wall. from the gods, that the empire In the winter of the thirty- would split up on Ch’in Shih seventh year of his reign he set Huang-ti’s death. The First Em- out on a tour to K’uai-chi, then peror in fury had Ch’u Kung’s turned north along the coast to men smash the meteorite and kill Lang-ya. On the way he sickened, everyone living thereabouts, this and sent Meng I back to pray to to do away with the one who had the spirits of the mountains and dared write sacrilege and all who the streams. The rush-covered had dared look upon it. wheels of the First Emperor’s carriage bore him to Sha-ch’iu, * * where he died. The First Emperor grew short- Chao Kao, Keeper of the Char- er of temper. The magic mush- iots, spoke to Prime Minister Li

room continued to elude him. Ssu and Prince Hu-hai ; these Further attempts to kill him three had been in steady waiting made him more fearful. In the on the First Emperor in his last thirty-sixth year of his reign, the hours. Hu-hai himself had waved year the huge meteorite landed, the yak’s tail fly brush. But the he had scholars write poems First Emperor had not with his about the immortals. Still the failing breath unmade Crown immortals did not come forth Prince Fu-su, had not named with the magic mushroom. younger son Hu-hai Crown He held the tool to make round Prince. Meng I was yet away. Li the wheel, to make straight the Ssu smiled faintly and agreed road; he had craftsmen to en- they should keep the death se- grave sung on jade tablets to hon- cret. or his own works ; he had Li Ssu to write inscriptions attesting his It was a day of drizzle when visits to the mountains where the Ch’u Kung came with the letter immortal spirits dwelt. But he from the First Emperor. Both did not have the magic mush- Prince Fu-su and General Meng room. T’ien shivered a little when the

He still handled 120 pounds of yu-shih came in ; the man brought bamboo documents daily, still cold into the room with him. traveled his empire visiting the Crown Prince Fu-su gave a mountains and streams and see- bitter turn to his stubborn mouth, ing his woi'ks, grew still shorter obeyed the wish of his father and

62 FANTASTIC — killed himself. But the fox listens there they set up catapults and to the sound of the ice under his bows that would shoot anyone feet when he crosses it, and Gen- daring to break in. And they eral Meng T’ien sent back de- buried alive with him hundreds manding verification of the word of his concubines—those who from above. He had his answer had not borne him children at once. Ch’u Kung had brought and many warriors. And when the with him a bodyguard of Li Ssu’s craftsmen had sealed the pas- retainers, and these took the place sages leading to the chamber, the of General Meng T’ien’s attend- great outer gate dropped, bury- ants. ing them alive with their secrets. Outside, a sixteen-mile-long The First Emperor rode back chain of soldiers carried earth toward Hsien-yang in a closed from the Yellow Biver to cover carriage. But the corpse stank. the tomb, and workmen sowed Chao Kao’s voice sounded like grass and plants to make the a flute made of the hollow leg tomb seem a hill, the work of na- bone of a bird. “Smell him! Ev- ture. eryone will know the First Em- !” peror is dead HAO KAO persuaded Hu-hai, Li Ssu grimaced and sent his C now Erh-shih Huang-ti, Sov- servants for bushels of stale fish ereign Emperor of the Second and had his servants pile the fish Generation, to send the yu-shih on a cart following after the to Tai, where Meng I remained closed carriage. And so they kept under arrest, to confer death on the First Emperor’s death secret Meng I. Ch’u Kung rode to Tai till the cortege ground to a halt and told Meng I the Second Em- in Hsien-yang. peror wished him to drink the There they laid Ch’in Shih waters of eternal life. Meng I Huang-ti to rest in the Ninth said, “Remind the Second Emper- Moon of that year, among the or that a ruler with principles Black Horse Hills, in the tomb does not kill the guiltless.” But he had begun two years before, Ch’u Kung knew Chao Kao’s ninety li from Hsien-yang. Deep mind and slew Meng I. in the great tomb his boat- Chao Kao persuaded the Sec- shaped coffin floated on a quick- ond Emperor to send the yu-shih silver river, craftsmen having to Yang-chou, where Meng I’s laid out the bronze floor as a map brother remained under arrest, of the empire. The constellations to confer death on General Meng shone from the roof in the light T’ien. Ch’u Kung rode to Yang- of huge candles of seal fat. And chou and told General Meng

THE MESSAGE 63 T’ien the Second Emperor wished The Second Emperor stared at him to drink the waters of eter- Shu-sun T’ung’s straight face, nal life. General Meng T’ien then turned to others of his at- sighed a heavy sigh. “What guilt tendants for witness. All bore out have I under Heaven ? I die with- Chao Kao. “That is a horse, your out guilt!” He fell silent, then majesty.” said at last, “Truly, I may have The Second Emperor, not done a thing to die for. I can only trusting his aim or his senses, think that, somewhere in the ten forwent the kill that would have thousand li between Lin-t’ao and proved the horse a stag or the Liao-tung, between one end of stag a horse. And as they rode the Great Wall and the other, a on, he knew he had been dream- footing trench cut the veins of ing—indeed, still dreamed, for the earth. That is my guilt.” And what he heard behind his back he swallowed poison and died. could not be his servants muffied- ly laughing at the Second Em- Chao Kao persuaded the Sec- peror, ruler over earth. ond Emperor surpassingly. One day when they were out hunting HE Second Emperor sat un- and the Second Emperor spot- Tder a canopy in his garden, ting a stag and wishing to show alone. He wished to be alone for that his thoughts were deep a time; he was thinking bitter thoughts said, fitting arrow to thoughts and did not want on bow, “It is fitting to kill the him the eyes of those who were horned stag with the horn-bow,” his servants in name and Prime Chao Kao looked at him, and at Minister Chao Kao’s in fact. the others, and said, “What, your He eyed a peacock trailing its majesty? A stag? To the foolish train across the grass. “1 out- eyes of your servant, that is a glory the peacock but have not horse.” even the peacock’s screech. I am The Second Emperor laughed my own court jester.” and turned to Li Ssu for support. A sudden shadow cut across Li Ssu did not trouble to raise his thoughts. Unless the Second to his eyes the odd piece of thin Emperor had been dreaming clear jade he had dished and again, no one could have walked rubbed smooth and had taken to the lawn to stand before him

peering through ; he said shrug- without writing many warning ging, “I cannot tell.” steps of shadow. Yet a man stood The Second Emperor looked to there. Shu-sun T’ung, who said readily, The man—or demon—or thing “That is a horse, your majesty.” of dream—had skin the hue of 64 FANTASTIC jade and nothing to hide his jade from his right hand, touched yet nakedness but a kind of girdle another gem on the girdle he studded with strange gems; he wore, vanished. carried another such girdle in his After a time the Second Em- left hand. In his right he held a peror picked up the thing the square of some stuff. stranger had let fall. He felt the

The stranger did not bow. The stuff ; not silk, not thinnest bam- Second Emperor’s hand darted boo, though it had the smooth- toward his sword. The stranger ness of the one and the stiffness uncrooked a finger from about of the other. Neither was the the girdle he carried to touch a dragonlike image it bore on one gem in the girdle he wore. The face the work of a brush ; he saw Second Emperor’s arm froze in a no sign of brushstroke. With a stiff curve in the air as though sense of shock he saw the image to ward, nor could he move at all. for what it was—the Great Wall The stranger touched another and its shadow, as though you gem. As though his own mind looked from on high, from such a framed to speak them, the Sec- height that you saw the full ten ond Emperor heard words. And thousand li writhing of the Great the Second Emperor knew it was Wall. He felt the stuff again; the stranger speaking silently ; it this much was not dream. Unless was the stranger asking him the all was dream. whereabouts of a man. The Second Emperor hid the - The Second Emperor looked at image in his sleeve, called his the stranger in wonder. “That servants, and went for a ride in man died long ago.” The Second his carriage to see fall leaves. Emperor did not know himself At the city wall he commanded whether he spoke it or thought it, the carriage turn into the prison. but the stranger seemed to hear The servants hesitated and and understand the answer. Yet looked at each other, but Prime the stranger appeared unwilling Minister Chao Kao was not here to believe it. The stranger glanced to say yes or no. at the square he held in his right hand and asked again. And again T I SSU fingered the scratch- the Second Emperor answered -L* ings on the cell wall idly, not the same, and the stranger bothering to make them out. He seemed to know the Second Em- seemed to get no gladness out of peror spoke or thought the truth. the sunshine that lit them The stranger eyed the spare enough to read. He heard a honk- girdle he carried in his left hand, ing and looked out at the small made a face, let the square fall sky. Wild geese flew in the shape

THE MESSAGE 65 of the character “man.” With Li Ssu stared at the Second sudden ferocity Li Ssu knocked Emperor, then brought the im- his knuckles on the wall, dug his age again to his face. He scanned nails in the wall. Then his hands it as though reading it. And to fell, dead weights. He stood so a one who knew, it was writing. Li long while. Dully he heard Ssu’s finger stabbed the Great wheels and hooves, footsteps, Wall. Here, near one end, was a then the Second Emperor was in deviation. One who could read the cell. Li Ssu smiled twistedly the writing of the Great Wall and bowed stiffly. would ask for the Emperor’s The Second Emperor wavered. minister Lu in lieu of the Em- Even Li Ssu would laugh if the peror’s minister Li. Second Emperor told him of the A cry broke out from him that visitation. The Second Emperor shook the Second Emperor. A sighed and drew forth the image cry in some strange tongue. Li and held it out to Li Ssu. Ssu looked as though he would Li Ssu took it in slow wonder, burst his fleshly bonds. He moved brought it close to his face. into the ray of the sun and the Something kindled in the cold Second Emperor goosefleshed to shell of Li Ssu and for the first see that Li Ssu’s skin seemed to time the Second Emperor sensed have turned pale jade. real warmth in the man. He knew The Second Emperor made up Li Ssu would believe him. He his mind, even as he drew back made up his mind to set Li free, in fear, that, for frightening the to restore him and with him de- Second Emperor, Li Ssu would stroy Chao Kao. die a terrible death. The Second Emperor started * as Li Ssu took hold of his sleeve. * The Second Emperor saw dark smears on Li Ssu’s hand. The rise and fall of the Great “Where is the one who brought Wall is the rise and fall of the this?” earth. The Great Wall curves, “He has gone.” lithe as a brocade dragon, across “Nonsense! Did he not ask for mount and vale. Where earth me?” rises to melt in the clouds, the “For you? He asked for my Great Wall stands there; where

. . . my father’s minister, him earth falls away to drown in the who died in banishment.” sea, there the Great Wall stands.

THE END

66 FANTASTIC Threshold of the Prophet

ROGER ZELAZNY

The day the Brooklyn Bridge fell into the East River

the shade of Hart Crane appeared upon the bank

and accosted the man who stood there.

HY did you do that?” he was no grass nor bare earth W asked. visible. His companion was as “It was getting to be an eye- gray as the city. sore,” answered the goggled “Where are the colors? New man, switching off his slice-unit. York was always colors.” “It was no good anymore. Would “You’re a real throwback, have fallen in a couple years.” that’s what you are. Doesn’t that “How will people cross the horrible sky hurt your eyes?” river now?” He looked up. The man eyed the brick-red “Same blue it’s always been.”. face before him—the coils of “Well, as soon as the Council seaweed caught in stark hair. passes a resolution, Weather

. . . He pressed a stud at his Control will make it a lot easier belt and rose above the ground. to look at.” “Same as always,” he stated. “What do you mean ?” “Personal flight unit, or car.” “Damping units. We’ll kill the Crane rose into the air and glare, the color.” drifted beside him. Slow moving “Take the blue out of the vehicles crossed the sky over- sky?” head. People, all in gray, passed “Exactly.” at lower heights. The prospect Crane looked back at the mud- resembled the teeth of an enor- dy snake of the East River. mous comb : rank upon rank, the “What about the bridge? dark buildings filed beneath Won’t it be a hazard for boats?” them; an occasional antenna, “Boats? Where are you from, like a caught strand of hair, anyhow? The last boat was dis- quivered above the skyline ; there mantled two hundred years ago

67 —

—after people decided it wasn’t “Why? Metaphor is an aw- worth half a credit to ride to fully crude manner of descrip- Staten Island when they could tion. It’s pleasant to think most fly it for nothing—and in less people have passed beyond the time.” stage where everything is like “And you’ll just leave the something else. An object is it- bridge where it fell?” self. Why complicate matters? “Time and the river will take Life is mathematics.” care of it,” laughed the man. “That’s nice to know. —But “Why? You want it?” what of the dark places, where “I’ll take it, if no one else there is no mathematic? The does.” open end of the human equa- ?” “Go ahead. It belongs to any- tion . . . one who cares to haul it away. The gray man winced. The scrap won’t be worth much.” “Don’t talk about death or in- He studied the man gliding sanity! We’ll beat them yet!” He abreast of him. clenched his fist. “Don’t they “You must have an awfully teach you politeness on the out- compact flying unit. I’ve been worlds? Some things are not fit trying to guess where you’re subjects for conversation.” wearing it.” “But what do you do about “Keep guessing.” them?” “. . . And those clothes, and The gray man looked down at the way you talk. Where are you the gray city. from?” “We are shedding light in “I’ve been on a voyage.” every dark place in the universe

“Oh—the outer planets. Ever —that is the new poetry ! Every- been on Earth before?” thing will be explained sooner or “Not this world.” later. We are conquering every “Well, get a good eyeful. It’s natural phenomenon with rea- worth the trip.” son.” Crane nodded. “Can you explain this?” asked Crane, seizing his wrist. He held MAN once wrote a poem the protesting hand against his A about that bridge.” He chest. nodded toward it. The man’s face sagged. “Can’t prove it by me. Do they “You have no heartbeat!” still read poetry on the out- “That,” said Crane, “is as ac- worlds?” curate a statement as science “I’d like to think so. Aren’t can manage. Good day.” there any poets here?” He vanished.

68 FANTASTIC The man changed his course. “S’pose so,” he acknowledged. He hurried toward the Institute “Look,” Crane began, “I had a of MentaJ Health. reason for stopping here. I want- * # # ed to find someone older, who “Hello, mister.” might remember a little about The old man removed his pipe the way things used to be.” from between his teeth and nod- “I can remember back a hun- ded. dred-forty, hundred-fifty year, .” “H’lo.” mebbe . . Crane leaned against the rail “Good. I’ve got a deal to offer of the porch. you.” “I see you have grass up here, The old eyes squinted through and a couple trees.” He looked the old glasses. over the sparse lawn and past “What kinda deal?” the two maples that guarded a “Want to buy the Brooklyn twisted path by the river. Bridge?” “Yep.” The man scratched his “Haw! Haw! Haw!” The man nose with the pipestem. “Kinda shook, slapping his thigh. Tears like ’em. Don’t see any in town ran down his cheeks. anymore. ’T’s why I moved up “It’s been a hundred year here.” since I heerd that one! Didn’t

“The air seems cleaner too.” know anyone else remembered it. “Yep. And they won’t dampen You’re a card, sonny!” the sky this far north, by ga’!” “I’m serious,” said Crane.-

“That’s true. I’ve been “I’ll bring it here and put it through this part of the country right across the river for you. I before. —That’s a nice little can do it. It’s mine now.” piece of river you’ve got going The man twisted his head to by.” one side and studied his face. “Pretty, all right.” “By ga’! You’re not kiddin’!” The man regarded him with “No. I’m dead serious.” curiosity. “What would I want with the “Sort of odd look you’ve got Brooklyn Bridge across my about you, fella. Where you river?” from?” “It meant something once,” “The outer worlds.” said Crane. “It was a symbol in “Oh yeah. Been out there the old days, of everything man twict, m’self. Not much to see.” was, crossing over, always cross- Crane shrugged. ing over, into something greater “Every place has its own style and better. I think it ought to be in beauty, I guess.” preserved—as a monument.” THRESHOLD OF THE PROPHET 69 “Sonny, the future’s already burden of the rose and the apple ? here. And man doesn’t have to You want to shed light in every cross on to anything better or dark place in the universe, huh? greater. He’s pretty great and Step right up, kiddies, I’m going pretty good right now.” to give you something to think !” “I’d expect that from a New about Englander,” smiled Crane, sadly, And he raised the bridge, as “but you live right outside New delicately as a cat lifts her kitten. “ York, and you’re old—you re- ‘0 harp and altar, of the member other days. If I could fury fused find someone to whom the bridge He aligned the cables and meant something, I might pre- erased the rust spots. He grew serve it. I’ll give it to you for a new metal where there had been dollar—I mean, a credit.” holes. “ “I wouldn’t give you anything ‘Terrific threshold of the ” for it, sonny. I moved out here prophet’s pledge . . to get away from all that hard- He arced the gleaming span ware, and people think I’m odd across the river once more, from enough as it is. I don’t think you where the gray man had toppled could sell it to any man alive.” it that morning. “ Crane nodded. ‘Prayer of pariah, and the

.’ ” “That’s what I figured.” lover’s cry . . “Come and set a spell anyhow, And in the middle, in the mid- boy. I’ve got some cold syntho- dle of the bridge, he built an cider here.” The man turned. opaque arch, where every color of “Thanks, but I have to be go- the banished rainbow shim- ing. I only drink the real thing, mered and danced. anyhow.” “Come all ye faithful!” his The man started. voice boomed, like the ghost of “There ain’t been no real cider all the gone foghorns. “Step since I was a boy,” he said. right up, ladies and gentlemen!” “There ain’t been no apple trees He mounted to the highest for two hundred years!” point of the span and looked But there was no one standing down and around. He reached there to hear him. behind space and tied an inter- * * * dimensional knot. He twisted the “All right,” he said, soaring. fabric of the continuum, joining “All right, you prosaic-minded remoteness with nearness. goggle-wearers. You’ve had it! “Half a credit!” he called out. Knock down my bridge? Empty “Half a credit for the most amaz- the sky of blue? Erase the bright ing sight of all! No crowding,

70 FANTASTIC please! Just step right up!” the uniformed driver asked him. People darkened the sky, “Go through it and see for driven by their desire to know, yourself.” to explain. They adjusted their The car nosed ahead and van- goggles and hovered above the ished. circle of color. One man stared Three of the airborne crowd up at him. He recognized the pushed through the veils of color bridge-killer. in speedy succession. ‘‘Did you put it back?” asked No one emrged. “ the man. “Are you responsible ‘0 brilliant kids,’ ” Crane re- “ for the light phenomenon?” cited, ‘fondle your shells and “You gave it to me, didn’t sticks, bleached by time and the

.’ ” you?” he answered. “Now I’m elements . . giving it back to you—with im- He descended slowly, like the provements and additions.” ghost of all his dead seagulls. “ *. “What is that?” . . But there is a line you The man pointed at the glow- must not cross nor ever trust ing portal. beyond it spry cordage of your

.’ ” “Step through it and take a bodies . . look.” He hovered a moment in their He did. midst, smiling, then stepped There was a long, neck-tin- through the crown of light. They gling silence. did not hear his last words, bub- A car pushed through the bling on the other side: “ crowd of hoverers. ‘The bottom of the sea is .’ ” “What is that thing?” called cruel . . THE END

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71 anything; for LAUGHS

By RON GOULART

Illustrator BLAIR

72 If you’re a court fester with no previous experience, you gotta go with slapstick. Like throwing rotten fruit at a guy, or whack- ing him over the head, or even whipping up a small revolution.

73 SOMETHING came crunching “And playboys,” said Dan, find- ^ across the simulated beach ing his locker key under his tow- and then Daniel Godfrey’s shoul- el. "Anyway, there hasn’t been der was poked by a shoed foot. any grass in Keystone City for He opened his eyes and looked seventy years.” up. His sweetheart was standing “A truism doesn’t have to be over him, fully clothed, a bundle technically accurate,” the girl of colored punch cards in her said. “Quick now. Get yourself slender hands. “Hello,” said Dan, all nice and presentable.” pushing himself up to a sitting Dan rolled up his towel. position with his elbows. “Where am I going?” “I thought you’d be here, Dan- Karen smiled and held up the iel,” said Karen Singletree. “I’ve punch cards. “I had new copies made up my mind. That’s why made of all your records and re- I’m willing to give up my lunch sumes. My treat.” period for you. Get dressed now, “Who am I talking to ?” please.” Removing the tinted lenses HE girl caught his shoulder from his eyeballs Dan said, “No Tand started him off toward the job interviews today, Karen.” dressing rooms, which were dis- “Up, up,” the pretty brunette guised as native huts this week. said. She put all the cards in her “I wangled you a chance at the left hand and knifed her flat Vocational Lottery.” right into the crotch at his shoul- Dan stopped deadstill. “No.” der joint. “It’s all arranged.” He shook his head. “No, no, Dan stood up and watchecTthe Karen. Just because I can’t seem blue ceiling of the indoor beach. to hold a job for more than two or Right on time the automated sea- three months. No. I’m only twen- gulls started to circle. “Karen, ty-seven afterall. There’s still our agreement is I don’t have to hope.” look for work on the day I pick “But,” said Karen, lowering up my unemployment check.” her voice, “will there be hope for “Daniel,” said Karen, “it’s us?” been three weeks since you were “What?” let go from the Prelim Process- "You’re turning into a beach ing Division of Suburban Cleri- comber,” the girl said. “Living cal. Three weeks, Daniel. The off the state. Fight, Daniel. grass is growing. The wheels are Please, fight.” turning. And you? You’re sitting “Who’ll I fight?” on this beach with a lot of other “I mean, fight for a place in ne’er-do-wells and freeloaders.” Society.”

74 FANTASTIC “How’s the Vocational Lottery Vocational Lottery was a thin, going to help with that?” he taut skinned man of sixty. He asked. “It’s all just a matter of wore formal attire and in his left chance with them.” eye there was an oversize, rose “The girl in my building who tinted contact lens. “Your rec- shares my dispoze hole’s husband ords seem to be all in order,” he won a vice presidency there. And said, shuffling the punch cards he won’t be twenty-five until au- into a neat pack. tumn.” “Thank you,” said Dan. “Look,” said Dan, “it’s a fine “You’ve held quite a few jobs.” gimmick for the government. In “I’ve never seemed to hit on the order to get people to volunteer right one. I’ve got the idea that for all the lousy jobs in this my guidance android in college planet system they run the Voca- was on the fritz. You really can’t tional Lottery. They toss in a few trust an android 100%, meaning soft jobs as bait. The rest of the no offense.” jobs available are godawful, The manager stiffened. “I’m Karen. And isn’t one of the rules not an andy.” that you have to work at what- “I know,” said Dan. “I just ever job you win for no less than meant the whole Vocational Lot- six months?” tery seems to be staffed quite “Yes,” she said. “That would heavily with androids.” be a record for you. No matter “Equal opportunity for all is what the job.” She made one our motto at the casino.” The hand into an encouraging fist. “I brittle old man rose, saying, know you’ll win a splendid job, “You understand the rules. We Daniel.” place your resume card in a glass “The odd’s are against my bowl and you wait until it is winning anything very good.” drawn by one of our staff of “Well,” said Karen, “it’s either blindfolded little girls. Around the Lottery. Or goodbye.” the room in which the drawing Dan looked at her for a mo- is held are thirteen doors—I hope ment in the bright synthetic sun- you aren’t superstitious? No? light. “Okay, it’s the Lottery.” Fine—At any one time only two * * * of these doors will be unlocked. The beaded curtain at the door The open sequence changes as of the Personnel Manager’s office each card is drawn. When your clicked and rattled a long time name is called you start trying after Dan had entered and taken the doors. You must go through a purple interviewee chair. the first one that opens. You un- The Personnel Manager of the derstand thus far?”

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 75 “Sure,” said Dan. “Seems fair well as any,” the Personnel Man- enough.” ager said, sending Dan through “Behind the door you will meet the doors. one of our Job Counselors. He will be, I’m afraid, an android.” HERE was no one else on the “That’s okay.” Tflight to Murdstone. That was “Good. On his desk the Job not surprising. Murdstone was Counselor will have three aruba the least favored planet in the shells.” drab Barnum system of planets. “Beg pardon?” And right now it was having “Aruba shells,” said the Man- some kind of civil war or other. ager. “You know, the shell of an Daniel Godfrey wasn’t too sure aruba.” on the details. Karen had become “Oh, sure.” hysterical half way through her “You will be allowed to pick outlining of the political setup on one shell. The Job Counselor will Murdstone. lift it and beneath you will find People always ended up blam- your job assignement.” ing you for the results and conse- “And if I don’t like it?” quences of the decisions they’d The old man smiled. “You have made for you. Karen hadn’t come one escape clause. The Counselor to the spaceport to see Dan off. is authorized to provide you with She had sent him an odd shaped two bite-size capsules of poison. package. The package turned out Otherwise, you must take the job. to contain all his records and It’s in the agreement you twenty-three copies of his re- signed.” sume, topped off by their friend- “My girlfriend, Karen Single- ship ring. tree, signed that for me I guess.” Dan folded his arms and “You wish to reconsider?” hunched down in the cracked “No,” said Dan. “People are al- psuedoplastic passenger chair. ways making decisions for me. Karen had been counting on his No reason to stop now.” coming out of the Vocational Lot- “That’s the way.” He put his tery with a good paying execu- hand on Dan’s shoulder and led tive job in some impressive and him down a softlit, thick carpeted respectable industry. corridor. The idea that Dan was going “People really fit into the jobs to Murdstone to be a Court Jes- they get this way?” Dan asked ter, though. That was too much as he neared the swinging doors for Karen to adjust to. of the Lottery’s Drawing Room. Even Dan was a little unset- “This system seems to work as tled. He had no idea what the

76 FANTASTIC Monarchy of The Prime Terri- “Sure,” said Dan. He ran his tory was like or what they would tongue along the sticker. “Now?” find funny. Vocational Lottery “Oh, yes. Stick it on one of had guaranteed on-the-job train- your bags. That should serve to ing. make it all official.” Buttoney He sank further into the seat smiled. “Off the cuff, I can tell and closed his eyes. No use wor- you that this is not the height of rying about it. For the next six the tourist season. Our Customs months, no matter what, he’d Inspector asked if he could take have a steady job and he would some time off to visit a second not have to make a single deci- cousin of his in Territory #11.” sion. The situation had that to “So you let him.” say for it. “No,” said Buttoney, “we shot * # * him. You don’t ask for favors on A dust storm was sweeping Murdstone. We’re under Royal across the rutted overgrown field Law right now, you know.” of the spaceport. Three scarlet “I don’t follow the news too uniformed musical androids went closely.” cartwheeling across the field, “You wouldn’t see it anyway,” pushed by the wind. said the Junior Grade Enforcer. “There goes the reception,” “We suppress all the news. Lot said the silverhatted young man simpler than censoring every who pulled Dan through a door damn item that comes along.” He marked Customs. “We’d planned glanced across the shadowy on a few welcoming songs but the room. The wind outside was fad- wind billowed away our band.” ing some and the harsh grating He held out his hand. “My name of the dust on the thin walls was is Enforcer JG Buttoney. Sent subsiding. Near an empty, out from the Palace at Prime sprung doored soft drink dis- Territory to greet you.” penser, stood a short fat man in a “Are you customs, too?” asked loose blue suit. He had his hands Dan. The pilot had helped him in his pockets and seemed to be carry his four pieces of luggage trying to outstare the brim of his into this creaking building. They yellow hat. Buttoney called to were sitting in a row between him. “Tomlin. Over here.” Dan and Buttoney. The fat man moved. He tipped “Thanks for reminding me,” his hat. He hitched up his pants. said Enforcer JG Buttoney, fish- He came running toward them. ing a sticker out of an inside Halfway there his foot seemed to pocket. “Would you mind licking catch in the cuff of his pants and that. I have a thing about glue.” he fell. He spun over twice and

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 77 then slid on his back. He came stuck here on Murdstone for six to his feet a yard in front of But- months. toney and Dan. “Yes, sir?” There was a girl standing The Enforcer JG took off his alongside Tomlin. A tall slender blackvisored silver cap and bent girl with her dark orange scarf forward. He laughed. He slapped wrapped around her face against his cap against the gold stripe on the dust. his trousers. “Beautiful,” he said. “The press,” said Buttoney “That is a classic.” into Dan’s ear. Tomlin curtsied. “Yes, sir.” “I thought you’d stamped it “Seriously,” said Buttoney, out.” catching his breath. “Give Daniel “We still let the folks at home Godfrey here a hand with his lug- read a little something. Sports, gage. Stowe it in the halftrack.” propaganda, show biz doings and The fat man picked up the social notes. That girl is Jean two heaviest pieces and shuffled Parchman of the Prime Territory off. “Yes, sir.” News-Flame. Cute kid.” “She here to cover my arriv- OUTTONEY looked after him, al?” shaking his head. “Splendid. “It’s show biz news. Yes.” Really classic, wasn’t it?” They reached the halftrack. “His falling down?” said Dan, The storm was dying, the dust catching hold of the remaining was swirling sluggishly. Dan put suitcases. his suitcases where Tomlin indi- “I suppose it’s not as funny to cated and then took the back you as it is to me. You being in seat Bottoney pointed at. the business. I think, though, The newspaper girl got in the that you’re going to find Tomlin truck and took the seat beside an excellent assistant.” Him. She unwound the scarf. “I’m “Oh, so?” said Dan. “My as- Jean Parchman of the News- sistant?” Flame. I understand you’re the “Right. Tomlin is Assistant new Chief Court Jester.” Court J ester. He has a really clas- Dan started to answer. sic approach to the comedic art. From the front seat Buttoney Boy.” said, “I’m taping all this, Jean Approaching the halftrack honey. Okay?” parked down from the spaceport “Certainly. That’s the law.” building Dan got control of him- She had light blonde hair and a self. If they wanted him to fall pretty, faintly feckled face. down, he’d fall down. He was “Yes, I’m the new jester,” Dan obliging. Besides which, he was said.

78 FANTASTIC Tomlin started the truck and “No,” said Jean. “Enforcer they turned out onto the narrow Buttoney will just give me a highway that led in lazy arcs transcript of his bugtape. Lots through the dry fields that sur- easier.” rounded the spaceport. “My uncle helped design this rpiELDS passed and houses ap- Super Roadway,” said Buttoney peared. The road circled in and over his shoulder. out between them. The few peo- “It has a nice shape to it,” Dan ple who were outside seemed to said. drift inside as the official car ap- “Your name is?” asked the proached. girl. The houses were small, thin “Daniel Godfrey. From the walled. With mud roofs and planet Barnum.” opaque windows. “The slums?” “How long have you been in said Dan. the entertainment line?” The girl elbowed him gently. Dan said, “I’ve always had an “One of the suburbs of Prime interest in the performing arts.” Territory’s Capital City.” “Jean honey,” said the JG En- “Compact housing is the order forcer, “I’ll give you the bio of the day on Murdstone,” ex- throwaway that the Senior In- plained Enforcer JG Buttoney. former’s Office has made up on They traveled for nearly twen-

Dan. You can skip that part of it, ty miles and neither the houses huh?” nor the people changed. The only “Certainly,” said the girl re- variety was afforded by the occa- porter, smiling at the back of sional movements of groups of Buttoney’s head. “What’s your white uniformed men among the favorite vegetable?” houses.” Dan hesitated, waiting for But- “Police?” Dan asked Jean. toney to turn again. Dan said fi- “No,” she said. “Enquirers.” nally, “Squash.” “Which means?” “Favorite color?” “We have,” said Buttoney, “Blue.” talking across his resting elbow, “How old are you ?” “periodic quizzes.” “Twenty-seven.” “To give prizes?” The girl sighed and relaxed. “To determine who’ll be shot She crossed her legs and hooked each day,” said Buttoney. her folded hands over her knee. “There’s a public shooting “I think that takes care of it.” twice a day,” said Jean, turning Dan asked, “You don’t take to look out the window. notes?” “We get some swell turnouts ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 79 for the executions. It’s entertain- some glistening pock surfaced ing and it keeps the lowers in material. No opening appeared in place.” the wall. “Murdstone,” said the girl, “is “Excuse me,” said Enforcer a two class planet. In each of our JG Buttoney as the truck stopped territories there are two classes. some dozen yards from the big The lowers and the ruling.” wall. “I’ll trot up and identify “I don’t know much about pol- us.” He left the halftrack and itics,” said Dan. walked with his hands over his The truck was pulling now as head, stopping flat against the the road began to climb through wall. Buttoney muttered some- gradual hills. There were no thing and a small slit opened in houses anymore. Slowly all around the wall at eye level. a forest appeared. Tall green “They have his retinal pattern leafed trees, stretching away in on file,” said Jean. neat rows, long strips of cool “I thought so,” said Dan. shadow between them. Up here Tomlin tui-ned his head and there was no dust storm. winked at Dan. “Some fun, isn’t' “No housing within a mile of it?” the Capital,” said Jean. Dan didn’t answer. Dan nodded. To make conver- sation he said to the girl, “And HEY rehearsed outdoors. In a what’s your favorite food, Miss Tsquare of dull yellow gi-ass be- Parchman?” hind one of the garage areas. She glanced at him, smiling. From here you saw the backside “MPF.” of the palace, high blank walls Dan frowned. “MPF?” and towers. “Multi Purpose Food,” said “Timing is everything,” said Buttoney. “The lowers eat that Tomlin, selecting a new tomato exclusively.” from the basket that rested near “You’re ... ?” his feet. “This time don’t flinch. “Lower,” said the girl. “But When I grind it into your face since I work on the paper I’m don’t l’eact l’ight away. See? allowed to live within the walls. Count up to three, slow. Then you Quite a few lowers are for vari- casually reach inside your coat ous reasons.” and get the eggs. Got it?” “Darn good little reporter,” Dan had on a loose suit, similar said Buttoney. in style to Tomlin’s. His hat was In front of them on the road different and had a removable now was a wall fifty feet high. It brim for comedy purposes. was grey in color and made of “When do you think we’ll go on?”

80 FANTASTIC Tomlin lifted his head and rules, though, is to try and stamp looked at the blank walls behind out the guerrillas. What kind of them. He patted his right hand mood do you think this puts Com- three times on the flat of his hat. mander Brix in?” After a few seconds he said, “A lousy one.” “Friend of mine on monitoring “Right. Do you know where the today. He’ll aim the pickup gun last Court Jester went ?” away for awhile and we can talk Dan blinked. “To a better with out being recorded.” job?” “They record us?” asked Dan. “He was the morning execution “All the time?” three weeks ago.” “For the files of the Enforcers “Great fringe benefit that is,” and Enquirers. Now then. What said Dan. “That’s great. How’d do you know about the setup here he work that?” on Murdstone?” “Brix wasn’t amused. You see, “I haven’t,” said Dan, “learned they have us come in and try to much in the two days I’ve been cheer them all up at banquets and here. I read the Neivs-Flame ev- board meetings. Bastian, your ery morning. Mostly for Miss predecessor, didn’t go over too Parchman’s column. There’s not good at a pretty gloomy board much news in it.” meeting. So, no more Bastian.” “Okay,” said Tomlin, putting Dan sat down on the grass. his hand on Dan’s arm. “Listen. “Swell. Great. And when is it we The whole planet is ruled here go on?” from Prime Territory Com- Tomlin shrugged. “They’re in mander Brix is in charge of The so foul a mood they apparently Board of Rulers.” don’t even want to see us. There “I saw a poem about him on are some serious meetings going the front page of the paper.” on.” He took a couple more to- “The Poet Laureate has a daily matoes from the basket and feature about old Brix. The thing started juggling them. “No jokes I want you to understand is this. about guerrillas or rebels. Try to The government is pretty shaky. make everybody laugh. That’s my There’s a guy named Felix Quar- advice to you.” He tossed the to- rie. A rebel, with a growing matoes into Dan’s lap and gave guerrilla army. He hangs out in his unseen friend the signal to the undeveloped areas of Murd- start recording again. stone, of which there are a lot. Quarrie you won’t read about in CHILL draft seemed to be the paper. They pretend he does A circling the alcove just be- not exist. All the tightening of yond the board meeting cham-

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 81 bers. Dan tried pacing but he Dan went back to watching the kept getting tangled in his baggy board room. The far doors pants. He stopped and checked whipped open and an old man in over again the ripe fruit and veg- a fur trimmed jade green uni- etables that Tomlin had laid out form came in. Two green uni- on the wooden benches against formed men of lesser rank helped the wall. him by the elbows. Tomlin came silently in the Tomlin took a look. “Counselor backway with some plyofilm Mather,” he said toward Dan’s bladders filled with ink and glue. free ear. “In charge of Child Wel- “Sure fire stuff,” he said, making fare.” room for them next to a still life Mather was put in a chair half of tomatoes and bananas. way down the table. As soon as Dan nodded and moved up to his aides let go his arms he the thick curtain that masked the whacked one of them with his alcove. There was an eye size spy gold-tassled riding crop. “Must hole in the curtain so that jesters not squeeze so hard next time.” might watch the meeting room Eventually eleven chairs were and come in on cue. The wide filled with Counselors, Enforcers round meeting room was hung and Enquirers. with scarlet draperies. In its cen- Tomlin unscrewed his ear ter was a vast rectangular table speaker and held it out from his with a dozen heavy chairs around head. “Should be time for Com- it. None of the board members mander Brix to appear.” had arrived yet. Dan squinted, his eye touching For two weeks now Dan had the curtain. The entrance doox- s been working up an act with were held wide by two broad Tomlin. The first summons to shouldered guards. Then six perform had come this morning. trumpeteers dived into the room. Dan was uncertain. But Tomlin The blast made Dan jump back. assured him their new routines When his head cleared he looked were sure fire. He jumped when again. The board membei*s were Tomlin touched his shoulder. standing. At the table’s head was “What?” a small old man, covered with The fat assistant clown handed white and gold. He wore a short him an earplug speaker. Tomlin jacketed uniform with gold trim, inserted one in his own ear and gold medals and gold buttons. said, “They should be shuffling in From his gold crash helmet flut- soon. This is to let you know tered a fan-like white plume. On what’s being said.” his right side hung a gold blaster Twisting in the tiny speaker pistol and on his left a gold

82 FANTASTIC sword. His face was walnut like “Flogging,” cried Counselor and his white eyebrows made a Mather. “When we had good old- thick straight line over his small fashioned flogging there wasn’t eyes. All the -wrinkles of his face half the sassiness there is now.” pointed downward. The Com- “What say we run a test on it ? mander coughed once and put his Out in Territory #14 we start fingers carefully against his hanging them and in # 20, say, to mouth. “Well, boys, let’s get name a territory at random, we cracking.” set up a chopping block. It would Dan wandered away from the not hurt to try it for a few peephole and strolled by the fruit weeks.” and vegetables. “Flog the whole sassy bunch!” “This propaganda thing,” Commander Brix was saying, HE meeting continued. Five “has got my goat. These silly Tand a half hours later it was guerrillas are making points agreed to give other means of with the lowers. How are we go- execution a trial run and deter- ing to quash it?” mine how effective they were in “Well,” said someone, “here’s keeping the increasingly restless my thinking on it. Let’s step up lowers in check. After consider- the shootings.” able debate it was agreed to try “Wait, wait,” said another a week of flogging out in Teritory voice. “Let me hitch-hike on that #23. Counselor Mather also pro- idea if I may. How about instead posed a reward of 100,000 credits of just the same old run of the to anyone who would get hold of mill firing squads we introduce a the rebel leader, Felix Quarrie, hangman or two? Maybe even a and thrash him. Then there was headchopper if the budget al- some discussion as to the differ- lows.” ences and similarities between “Budget isn’t the problem. I thrashing and flogging. think we should go for saturation Dan and Tomlin ate a few of on the shooting angle. Step up the the props and waited. Nearly sev- executions per day.” en hours from the starting time “But how do people really feel of the meeting Commander Brix about shooting? I’m asking be- announced, “My stomach’s cause frankly I am not sure. growling. Let’s call it a day.” Couldn’t we run a check? That “How about some jesters to would be the way to really find cheer us up?” asked Counselor out for sure. See if hanging or Mather, slapping something with decapitating would go over as his riding crop. well.” “Raincheck that,” said Brix.

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 83 :

“I’m too frazzled to laugh. To- take him over to an Interrogation morrow maybe.” Suite maybe, Charles.” The meeting adjourned and “Looks as though, Bryan.” soon the big room was cold and “Book a nice big room at the silent. Enquiry Arms Hotel.” “There’s a fine line with ripe “One sec,” said Enquirer JG vegetables,” said Tomlin, start- Brinker. “Perhaps the angle I ing to gather up their equipment. suggested will pay off and the “Some of this may be spoiled be- suite won’t be called into play.” fore tomorrow.” Weldon cocked his head. “That’s it?” said Dan, at the “That’s a thought.” curtain. “We don’t go on at all?” Dan put on his robe. “What ex- “It works out like that now actly is going on?” and then,” said Tomlin. “These Brinker took something out of are troubled times.” his uniform jacket. “What do “That they are,” said Dan, tak- you think this is?” ing the speaker from his ear. It seemed to be several sheets * * * of folded paper. “Some sheets of The next morning, before the folded paper?” heat came on, two Enquirers “Is that really what you broke into Dan’s room. think?” “Oops,” said Dan, sitting up in “Or it could be letters or notes. his cot and blinking at the broken I don’t know.” door. “It was open.” “You see?” Brinker asked “We always like to break in,” Weldon. said the heavier of the two men. “A put on maybe,” replied A dark moustached fellow with Weldon. rosy cheeks. “We picked that up “Here look,” he said, handing from a Psychological Warfare the stuff to Dan. course. I’m Enquirer JG Wel- It was a pamphlet. Printed don.” hastily on cheap grade paper. “I’m Enquirer JG Brinker,” "It’s a book, huh ?” said the other. He had a flat pale “A booklet,” said Brinker. face. “You haven’t paid enough atten- Dan swung his feet to the floor. tion to the title.” The floor and the scatter rug The pamphlet’s face said were cold. “Something you want- Even A Fool Can See; being a ed?” Yesterday’s summons to Report on the Injustices of Murd- perform hadn’t taken this shape. stone, and written by a dull-wit- Weldon frowned around at the ted person, who never-the-less small sparse room. “We’ll have to can Perceive the Numerous

84 FANTASTIC Faults of Commander Brix. A “Let’s go, Charles,” said Wel- Political Essay by Daniel God- don, “before that waitress I’m frey, Court Jester. fond of in the gruel line goes off Dan slowly held the booklet out duty.” from him. “Well.” The two JG Enquirers said “Did you write that?” asked goodbye and left. Weldon. “No.” DY midday Dan got the JG Brinker smile at his partner. D Royal Carpenters to put up a “We’ve checked your movements new door on his room. He closed thoroughly, Daniel. A real sifting the door and sat down in his job. We can’t see how you could chair. He took up the pamphlet have had an opportunity to slip and started reading it. out and have that printed.” He Something about it was faintly didn’t take the pamphlet back familiar. As he read, he found from Dan. himself agreeing with this Daniel Finally Dan set the thing down Godfrey. When he finished Dan on the bed. “I don’t quite get stood up, anxious to go out and this.” start something. “It’s Charles’ theory that who- There was nowhere he could go ever wrote the booklet simply and nothing he could do. He real- took your name to use as a sym- ized that and sat down. He hoped bol.” nobody would make any more “I’m a symbol already and I trouble for him. haven’t even performed?” Three days later another “The show biz sections of the pamphlet with the Daniel Godfrey papers gave you quite a lot of byline appeared and the Enforc- space,” said Brinker. “Often the ers and Enquirers moved Dan name of the Court Jester in into an Interrogation Suite. The Prime Territory is used by the room was twice as large as his old lowers as a synonym for a dull one at the Palace. stupid person. Until now there Enquirer JG Weldon dropped has been no propaganda use of in fairly often. “Wouldn’t you such a name, however.” like to confess?” he was asking “Fine,” said Dan, sitting down again now. on his cot alongside the pamph- Dan said, “I want to co-oper- let. ate. The thing is, I didn’t write “You seem not to be involved those booklets.” in this,” said Brinker. “For now, “I’m at sixes and sevens,” ad- since you are a newcomer, we’ll mitted Weldon. “None of the let it ride.” truth serums got any results.”

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 85 .

“That last one made a red tical touch to the whole busi- spot,” said Dan, tapping his arm. ness.” “Our Inquisitor Androids drew “I pointed that out to Old a blank.” Mather. He agreed to settle for a “Is that big silver-plated one public flogging come this week- going to be okay?” end.” “Yes, he just needs a new gen- Carefully Dan sat down. “I erator.” Weldon scratched at his hope I’ll be recovered from the moustache. “Even the torture last flogging by then.” didn’t get any answers out of “We can always postpone a day you.” or so. Not too long mind you. The Dan turned away from the JG lowers are really getting violent.” Enforcer, not saying anything. Weldon smiled. “If you should “Did we hurt your feelings?” decide to confess don’t hesitate to asked Weldon. “I myself wanted call me at anytime. Best take it to skip the torture. But old Coun- easy for the rest of today. Get selor Mather kept agitating for in shape for the big flogging.” torture.” Dan nodded. “I figure that’s ELDON went away. Dan why I was flogged.” Wrested tentatively in his Weldon’s rosy cheeks grew chair. They’d left him copies of flushed. “We’re all afraid of a re- the second pamphlet to refresh volt, you see. Most of us are hop- his memory. Dan got one and ing against hope that you really read it again. are the one who authored all this Daniel Godfrey was even better inflammatory propaganda. Then in this one. There was a very we’d be able to do something well-written and moving attack about it. We don’t have any other on Commander Brix and the leads.” whole Murdstone government. A “That’s too bad,” said Dan. step by step program for over- “Counselor Mather has sug- throw was included, too. gested,” said Weldon, “that we After Dan had gone over both execute you as a gesture. It might pamphlets several times he took make a nice spectacle for the peo- up the afternoon edition of ple. Should you somehow be the the News-Flame and skimmed one who is writing the terrible through it. He slowed down for booklets we’d also put a stop to Jean Porchman’s column. That he them.” always read in full. The girl “Since I’m not, the booklets turned out a good column, always will keep coming out after you well-written and moving. do me in. That would give a mys- Dan folded up the paper. That’s

86 FANTASTIC why the style of the booklets It’s a desperate measure but we seemed somehow familiar. Not think you’ll comply.” because he’d written them him- “I get executed, huh?” self in some kind of trance. But “On the contrary. You address because they were written in a a rally in the Palace Bowl. So far style that echoed subtly Jean the citizens in the Prime Terri- Parchman’s. tory ai’ea have remained loyal. Now here was a problem. If he We intend to let in 5000 of them, told them his suspicions he might hand-picked, to hear your Bowl be able to clear himself. Or he talk. The talk will also be broad- could keep quiet and ride the in- cast to all territories.” gerrogation out. It would mean, “You think a comedy routine at the least, one more beating. will stop the revolution?” Still, though, from the little “No,” said Brix. “We’re going he’d seen and heard of Murd- to beat the enemy at its own stone he agreed with what the dodge. You, Daniel, will get up girl said in the pamphlets. And and admit that you indeed are the Jean Parchman was good look- Daniel Godfrey who wrote the ing, too. pamphlets. However, you will Dan decided. He would keep laugh at the things. Explain that quiet. it was a prank. A merry jest.” * * * “That’ll work?”

The flogging was called off. “Propaganda started it, propa-

The third Daniel Godfrey booklet ganda will stop it. You say it w^s had been widely distributed in all all a joke. No conspiracy can the territories and it had pro- stand laughter. The fangs will be duced, once read, a general re- removed by this little maneuver. volt. Your speech is being written This caused Commander Brix now. You’ll speak tomorrow at himself to visit Dan. His gold sunset.” helmet had a dent in it and the “So soon?” white plume was askew. “An as- “These are troubled times.” sassination attempt while I was “I know, I know.” opening a new MPF cafeteria dontown,” the Commander said, rPHE five thousand people in the seating himself in Dan’s chair an -L torch-lit audience could not putting the hat on his knee. “You see him yet. From the left stage still work for us, you know, Dan- entrance to the open air theater iel.” Dan had watched as the semi- “Yes, sir.” circles of stone seats filled up. “Here’s what we’ve decided. Across the empty stage Com-

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 87 mander Brix glittered, waiting to music stopped and the Com- go on. mander started his introduction. Someone touched Dan’s arm. “Are there any good beaches Any statement for the press ?” around here? Real ones, I mean.” Jean Parchman asked. “Yes.” There was, at the moment, no “Wait here,” Dan said. “I’ll be one around them. Enquirer JG back shortly.” Weldon and Enforcer JG But- Fortunately Commander Brix toney were still down in the said little more than, “Here is a dressing rooms putting on their fine young man to explain things makeup. The Enforcer Cadets to you. I give you Murdstone’s who had led Dan up to the wings favorite new author and humor- had drifted back a few yards. ist, Daniel Godfrey.” “Listen, Miss Parchman,” he Dan stepped onto the stone said. stage and walked up to the Com- “Call me, Jean, Dan.” mander’s side. There was con- “I’ll call you Daniel Godfrey if siderable applause and shouting. it’s okay.” “It’s all a joke,” Brix whis- The girl smiled. “We’ll talk pered to him. “Stress that. Add that over later. They’ll kill you to the script if you like. But get after you make this speech, you that across.” He moved off into know.” Her head angled slightly the wings. in the direction of the Enforcer Dan adjusted the microphone Cadets. “They’re with us. I’ve and waited for quiet. Then he come to get you out.” said, “Please don’t applaud until “You have, huh?” I finish, ladies and gentlemen. “Yes, it’s all been decided.” This is a proud moment for me. The Commander stepped war- The government has asked me to ily out on the stage and the announce its resignation. Hence Prime Territory Anthem was forward I am to be titular ruler played. Armed Enforcer Cadets of Murdstone, until such time as were scattered in the orchestra popular elections can be held. I pit and in the aisles. thank you.” “Come on,” Jean said, catching Commander Brix and Counse- at Dan’s arm. lor Mather tried to get at Dan “No,” Dan said. “I’ve gotten in with gold-tassled riding crops enough grief with letting people but the audience was coming up decide things for me.” on the stage now and the Com- “You’re dead if you don’t mander and Mather got carried come.” off into the darkness beyond the “One thing,” Dan said as the torchlight. The armed Enforcers

88 FANTASTIC had hesitated when they’d heard A bare toe nudged his shoul- what Dan said. The ones who der. “Dan.” hadn’t decided to join the crowd He sat up. “Jean.” had been disarmed before any- She spread her towel out next one could give a counter order. to his. “Mind?” Dan managed to get back stage “No.” to Jean Parchman. “I thought it “Elections will be next month.” would be quicker this way.” “Good idea.” “How can we know you’re any “You’re really serious about better than Brix?” The girl was this?” pale, shaking. “That’s why I made Felix Quar- “You can’t right now. You rie temporary President of should have considered that be- Murdstone,” Dan said. “See, I fore you used my name.” finally decided. The best times “That just came to me as a I’ve had have been between jobs. gimmick. Once I had the gim- I’m not cut out for Data Process- mick the stuff all fell into place,” ing or Android Supplementing or the girl said. “Because you’re Pre-Clerical or Court Jestering. supposed to be a fool.” I just like to hang around the “How soon can you get Felix beaches.” Quarrie here?” “You don’t want to run Murd- “So you can execute him?” stone?” “No more executions. I want to “No. I’m not cut out for that talk to him.” either.” He grinned at the girl. “A day or two.” “That’s why I took advantage of The citizens of Prime Terri- my position here. And granted tory located Dan and carried him myself lifetime unemployment around on their shoulders until insurance. My last official act.” long after all the torches had The girl shook her head. “It’s gone out. not that bad an idea I guess.” * * * “Let me buy you a soft drink or something?” There was no pattern to the Jean said, “No thanks, Dan. seagulls’ flight. The sand was I’m in a real rush. I can only stay soft and the sky a warm blue. a few minutes.” Dan folded his copy of the new Dan nodded and stretched out News-Flame on his chest and again. He closed his eyes. closed his eyes. THE END

ANYTHING FOR LAUGHS 89 In Moderan—a demoniac version of The Shape of

Things to Come If We Keep On the Way We're Going—

a demoted official reviews his . . . ONE FALSE STEP

By DAVID R. BUNCH

LL winter we four worked by a leaf we were mending, and A in those far-flung mechan- the others extended me defer- ism—clogged tunnels under the ence, for there lingered with land, repairing spring. Slogging them still the reminder of what around in our space boots down I had once been above ground, there in the dark and cold we as well as the fact that I was were fixing the broken leaves, Captain here. adding new flips to the root “To have fallen to leaf mend- stocks and retouching iron petals er,” I said. “To have toppled to so that all would be in readiness bulb duty and stem repair! Oh for a perfect automatic season MAC, MAC!” I cried in anguish, to leap through the yard holes for MAC was our three-letter at a nod from the Central Com- deity, origin shrouded in mys- mission for Beauty. We hated tery, antiquity and a thousand our unmanly work, and we did conflicting legends, but perhaps not love one another. But we it was merely a short saying of loathed one another with a suf- machine. “As you know, I was ferance that allowed for an ex- once of the proud Population change of agonies. All four of us Fixes,” I bragged, recovering my had fallen from something, and composure somewhat. I let the I had fallen farther than any of bright buttons on my space them. jacket tighten as my chest Today, for perhaps the twenti- heaved full and I took that eth time this winter, I felt I must special relaxed guardsman’s out with my story, for sometimes stance in my glistening patent to live, after the fall, is a thing space high-tops. “My service, past quiet bearing. We paused called Grinder Control, and more

90 usually just the Grinders, was est of the machines for control- top glamour, there’s no doubt. ling the populations, as you Now, let us pause here by this know. I had worked hard, and leaf to be mended and review my while in the ranks I thought I fall.” They could but comply was ‘proofed’ against tempta- since I was a Captain for Spring tion. But perhaps the leisure of Mending, in other words the command gave me too much straw boss of this grubby de- time.” I looked down the rows of tail. The other three, in their less the leaves, I regarded the metal well-cut space jackets and their calyxes. I came back to the silent shorter boots of the fall from the three, standing like sullen dogs lesser commission, stood like still, but I knew they were en- sullen dogs. Had I come to crying joying not working. “Somewhere on such shoulders? Oh yes! I softened,” I cried in true agony. “It was in autumn, as I have T was in autumn,” I began. “A said, but a bright day. It was I time for falling? YES! I had one of the most beautiful auto- worked up through the advance- matic autumn days that we have ments until now I commanded a ever had in this land, thanks to a big Grind-5, the largest and fin- strong administration in Central

91 —

Season Control that year. The “We had received a call to ‘fix’ metal geese were moving a district, delinquent in the South, just right, with that spe- southei'n-west, a district so over- cial honk-squawk in their tapes; crowded that the surplus people the leaves were all painted. There were starting to get in the way was a tang to the air, and once, of the operation of the machines. calling up a far-back memory, My crew was chosen because we I thought I smelled chilled ap- had the best record, measured in ples on a tree, and I’m sure, un- the only way such records can less my senses played me tricks, be measured, in pounds deliv- we rolled between two fields of ered to Central Meat. Our metal pumpkins. Either I was Grind-5 rolled out on those big dreaming or the Autumn Com- balloon-ball wheels that day, missions had really gone all-out. quiet as a rubber cat padding But anyway, somehow I’m sure through rubber leaves. We my senses received false stimuli homed in on the delinquent dis- and I softened.” trict, all six-man crew of us, and The three stood abject and si- I was the Captain. The decisions lent, still facing a broken leaf, were mine!” My flat space- and for a moment I even sus- guardsman’s stomach knotted in pected they were sleeping. I pain anew and fresh-remem- wanted to rush to them and slap bered remorse was mine for all them until their faces broke. I the lost opportunity, all the fall- wanted to pull their eyes out an en prestige, gone with every- extra inch, cup their ears to meg- thing those last four words im- aphones and set the three of plied: The decisions were mine! them up on metal flowers to hearken to me. I wanted to cry, TN the delinquent district the “Regard you ears and eyes and *- preliminary work had already ! brains of blockheads who have been done, as is usual, and the fallen from nowhere, regard and candidates for Grind were pre- respect a giant fallen to be selected, courtesy of the local among you !” But they nodded administration. The victims after awhile, ever so slightly, all were being held in a gray build- three of them, to show that they ing of bare plastic walls rein- were still with me, and I let it go. forced by viciously barbed steel “We were getting behind! They rods, and a shimmer of light all were increasing so fast! Maybe around the inside of the prison it was the strain of duty.” And I room, keeping prisoners well remembered that black bright back from the walls, told where day. meshed knife blades whirled like

92 FANTASTIC ; — banks of fans. Not a reassuring “The rest is history. All of you place in which to stand accused. know, have read, how Blonk’s NO! —Presumably the people Grind-5 stood for three full days selected to go were those who idle in a delinquent southern- had made the lesser contribution western district. While some of to living in our crowded land. the best execution potential of They were the delinquents who, all times—my crew—worked like in the opinions of local official- women, searching through pa- dom, had not paid for their liv- pers and records. Before grind- ing space by inventing enough ing a single man! And how the time-saver devices. As goes with- poundage was under for that out saying, time-saver devices mission, and how the quota had are our main obsession now as to be revised in all the other dis- we flaunt our space clothes and tricts, and how some men had to space blue prints and dream of go to the Grind who were not the Conquest. Baffled and turned listed by local decision. And of back still, we long for the big course you know, have read,

Space Victory and go on filling have heard ! how I was removed our small crowded planet with Blonk, once the most awesome of petty gad-goes. all the Captains with the pound- “But my course was plain that age record gleaming on his chest day in the southern-western dis- —drummed out! For what they trict; I was the Captain and called ‘Unseemly vacillation and duty was routine. All I had to do indecisiveness’. Oh, for one soul- was spring down in my black struck moment, to lose all. What guardsman’s boots and my space happened? MAC, MAC! what jacket colored like night, with happened?” all my achievement and extra poundage medals gleaming like T RUSHED over to the three stars, and salute the local digni- *- sleeping knaves, who had fall- taries with the proper deal of en from lesser things, and I snap and preciseness. Then my shook them to awareness. Blink- men would know what to do ing and yawning there in the they would set up to sausage the gloom, there among the root- people who stood accused of not stocks, the metal leaves and the inventing enough gadgets. I buds of the automatic season we would not have even to murmur were fixing, one of them said the the orders.” I looked to the three cue, asked the question, and by a not-listening dogs for a sign of great strength of will I refrained sympathy and found none. But from beating them with my ' I did not care now. green and red striped swagger

ONE FALSE STEP 93 — stick loaded with lead. “What “After standing for awhile god- did you do?” like before them and surveying Again I relived that moment, the autumn metal, I patted my that bright black day in the au- night-black gauntlets together tumn season, and the autumn in a little moment of unseemly nay! winter, as it turned out contemplation, walked leisurely of my glory. “The big Grind-5 down the ramp, saluted in a was drawn up near the gates manner of calculated cynicism of the compound—polished to and then—and then I issued the gleaming v as befit the machine of strange terrible order!” the Grinder ace, he who had I looked at them and saw they stormed the very gates of fame’s were wide awake now and wide- splendor with his good records. eyed with fear, for, after twenty My men were in their special recitals, they knew when the blue uniforms of the ace crew of story was ending. I rushed to the Grind, with the unit citation them, and I started to beat them in the form of a startling red with my green and red striped jewel, shaped like a falling blood swagger stick loaded with lead, drop, pinned to their tunics. And as they expected me to do, as I I was in my high boots and the always did in my wrath just be- night-black garb of the Captain fore the end of the story. As I with the efficiency record gleam- whacked them, they kept duti- ing in gold. What did I do!? fully asking, hoping for easier “I strode down slowly from blows, “What did you do—what the Captain’s turret that day, was the strange terrible order?” stood for awhile in the door to But I did not answer at once; I survey the autumn weather, was enjoying too much the drew myself up to my full height, bludgeon-blows I was raining my shoulders so broad then in down on these flinching and my uniform in the time of my shivering men. After awhile splendor, my chest so full and each one lay in a fine pool of rib-sprung as to seem almost un- blood, gasping and miserable at real. I stood looking at the local the foot of some metal plant. dignitaries and knew they were And through a froth bubble on seeing a god. Then—” My mind each man’s quivery lips I could reeled and almost faltered to see they were still framing the blankness in recalling what I proper and dutiful question, as had done. Although it was clear- they knew they should do, as ly written that every Captain of they knew I required of them, Crew held the invested right, the “What did you do—what was thing was not a thing to be done. the strange terrible order?”

94 FANTASTIC I!

Then in that icy-calm-stillness decision for fairness; I once is- which always followed my awe- sued the order for justice; I some display of wrath, I gave the once dillydallied before grinding cold-steel order for each pros- men.” And as, idly, musingly, I trate and blood-soaked man to wrote and underlined twice, resume his feet and his stem- heavily, on each man’s proper and-bulb duties at once. And as form, the reason for —punishment I moved to a table to fill out the due at Central Whip “Careless required and proper forms for and excessive bleeding on uni- them each, after duty hours, to form without proper cause”— appear at Central Whip for pun- suddenly knew I was cured. I had ishment due (“for blood stains the hang of it again. By the on uniform”) I answered their great god MAC, if I could only question, recited like litany the get them to believe me up there scope and terrible depth of my I was ready for topside and the fall: “I once questioned LOCAL world of men again ! THE EN0

COMING NEXT MONTH Keith Latimer's new novel

is the blockbuster feature of the June issue of FANTASTIC. A Hoax in Time mixes the ul- timate computer, two unlikely heroes, a beautiful girl, and the Internal Revenue Depart- ment in a vortex of time travel that ranges from the million- year-old past to a future al- ternate universe. Comic? Yes. Satiric? Yes. Action-packed? Yes. Bob Arthur returns to FAN- TASTIC in June with a terror- filled tale of a macabre world within a mirror. Not just any mirror, mind you; but The Mirror of Cagliostro, the me- dieval master fantasist.

Other short stories and our regular departments round out an issue not to be missed. June FANTASTIC on sale May 21.

95 t w f \f 1 J fjiU 1 11 M *• akg ‘-UKM : IB 1 r i IbB J'.

By JAY SCOTLAND

Illustrator ADKINS

96 The Wergs were photophobic. But the tourists

didn't care if they caused them pain. They popped

their flash bulbs anyway. And only one man

was sensitive to the agony of the extra-terrestrials.

gbert lester, the from the porous green stone. Eg- E S.P.C.E.T. career agent as- bert hung on the rail, gasping. signed to Wergleman’s Planet, Then he righted himself. His was sitting in his plyboard hutch shoes had an angry sound as he reading a cheap edition of a life went slipping and scrambling up of the Roman dictator Fabius the path. when the Wergs all screamed. The Wergs were still scream- Flip, the book went into the ing. Awful sound! Of course he air. Crash, Egbert’s stool went hadn’t seen the flash, because his over. Zip, an expression of right- hutch walls and the bends of the eous rage dropped into well- walk masked it. The screams formed grooves in Egbert’s long, were sufficient evidence, though. morose face. Wham, the flimsy Yes, more than sufficient. walls of the hutch, three-sided, Puffing, he climbed the last roofed and affixed to the green- twelve stairs and burst onto the ish-damp wall of Troop’s Cavern, relatively wider promenade. Since shook and vibrated as Egbert it was daytime, all the blue solar bumbled against them in his cell blips in the walls were turned haste to rush out onto the walk. on, but the light was still dim. “I heard that! I heard that, I The promenade section was the definitely did!” he cried, run- chief tourist attraction in Troop’s ning. Cavern, not to mention practical- His zeal was so great that he ly the only attraction on Wergle- nearly propelled himself over the man’s Planet whatsoever. Werg- guard rail at the walk’s edge. Be- leman’s was an indistinguished low the rail a chasm dropped hunk of mineral as planets went. away to black. The black was re- The two things which lured Ter- lieved only here and there by rans in small numbers were, in whorls of pinkish gas escaping order of importance, the copper-

97 like ore lodes and the Wergs, as “I suppose you don’t hear the the extra-terrestrials were called. Wergs screaming right this min- How many Wergs actually ute?” lived in Troop’s Cavern a mile “Well, yeah, they are makin’ a and a half under the crust, few little fuss.” could say. But there always “Someone took a picture of seemed to be at least a half dozen those poor creatures.” of the creatures on hand for the “Sure. They always take pitch- twice-daily rocket stopover of ers. So what?” The Outer Rim Happiness Tour “The Wergs,” said Egbert like

# 17 . a prosecutor, “do not emit the sounds which are now dying HERE were a half dozen away, and which can only be de- TWergs on hand now, Egbert scribed as screams of purest saw, clustered out there on the agony—I repeat, the Wergs do shelf on the other side of the not emit such sounds when chasm. They lived in caves dim- tourists use only their cameras ly glimpsed back in the dark. and ordinary eight-X fast. Some- Now they were rolling and bound- body had a light." ing and jumping like tumblers. A1 Bingo leaned laconically The sight sent a twitch of horror against a post upholding the sign through Egbert Lester. It wasn’t which had been one of Egbert’s funny. Neither were the screams. first accomplishments upon being The screams were a combina- stationed on Wergleman’s Plan- tion of a mew and a yowl. Two of et. The sign, firmly embedded in the Wergs, eye membranes tem- rock, read: porarily shut down over their round yellow anthropoidal-type IMPORTANT NOTICE TO VISITORS eyes, were frantically banging their heads against the wall be- The only living inhabitants of side the shelf where they lived, this planet, whom you are now to alleviate, Egbert Lester was observing in their native habi- sure, the agonizing pain. tat, are hypersensitive to light. “I heard that!” Egbert cried Devices such as flashguns, bulbs again, rushing forward. “Bingo, or permalites used for picture I distinctly heard that.” making will produce in the extra- “Heard what?” A1 Bingo’s terrestrials symptoms which ob- eyes were bland and piggy in his viously express acute internal lump of a face. “I dint hear noth- pain. Please use ONLY extra- ing, except the tour rocket tak- fast film (eight-X is suggested; ing off.” on sale at souvenir counter, en-

98 FANTASTIC ” ” trance level) to shoot pictures of one of those fuzzy, muddy views the inhabitants. Violation of this everybody else brings back.” rule is PUNISHABLE by a fine A1 Bingo thoughtfully manipu- of 100 credits and/or six days in lated the end of his blotchy nose. a conditioning center. His voice was a stentorian rum- ble: “You holier-than-thou little By joint order: bastid! You callin’ me a liar?” Terran Park Service “Worse!” Egbert was afraid, Society for the Prevention but he was also totally gripped of Cruelty to Extra- by the situation which had be- Terrestrials come, in the past months, intol-

erable. “Worse, Bingo ! I’m call- N Egbert’s opinion, Guard A1 ing you a greedy bribetaker. If I I Bingo was a no-good, sly, ma- had my way—” Egbert’s cheeks lingering Park Service career reddened. “By God, if I had my man. This was never more evi- way— dent than now. Bingo righteous- “But you don’t.” Bingo cracked ly plucked invisible lint from the his knuckles. “Why, I oughta take sleeve of his slovenly uniform, you apart for them insultin’ re- said, “I dint see any light, Les- marks. But we both know you ter.” ain’t got no real authority round The Wergs were whimpering here. Your job here’s just a sop and twitching all over the shelf to the Weedin’ hearts. So I’ll just on the far side of the gloomy tell you to— cavern. Just one was still crash- Egbert blanched, gripping the ing his skull, albeit more gently rail beside the chasm. A1 Bingo now, against the rocks. Egbert’s was being contemptuously expli- heart bled. cit. At the end he added, “An’ “Of course you didn’t see any when you get done doin’ all them light!” As he sneered, Egbert things I suggested, why, you can backed off a step. He was afraid go take the case up with Cap Du- of the man’s bulk. In his dreams Brow, since he’s the one who calls he often dreamed of throttling the shots.” him. “One of those insensitive, Wanting to fall on Bingo and arrogant, got-rocks tourists who assault him but prevented by come swaggering through here a higher allegiance, Egbert every day slipped you ten to pre- took another look at the half tend not to see the light. Oh, I dozen Wergs. They were com- get the whole picture, all right. posed now, but still huddling to- ‘Guard, I simply must have one gether, shadows in shadow. Their good shot of the Wergs. And not yellow eyes were soulful.

THE SCREAMS OF THE WERGS 99 — —

“This situation has become in- right, by enforcing it first and tolerable, Bingo. I intend to ig- winning them over later. nore your obscene insults and Idle dream, though. Wishful follow your last suggestion, to thinking. He was forced to work the letter.” Egbert hurried off. within the practical exigencies “Good luck,” Bingo jeered. of the moment. Opening his eyes “Cap DuBrow, he’s a real hoo- and clamping his lips together, manitarian.” As Egbert rushed Egbert left the elevator with a into the elevator he heard Bingo’s brisk step. last mumble: “God! If this post The practical exigencies of the aint lousy enough without a moment were typified by the sen- damn do-gooder on your tail alia ior Park Service officer on Werg- time!” leman’s, Capt. Finch B. DuBrow. He commanded the three dozen HE tube rose through the rock, staff guards, twelve per shift, T its taped punched for the top- stationed throughout the laby- most level. Egbert beat his fist rinth of Troop’s Cavern. Du- against the metal wall. How, how, Brow, although a career man how could humanity be so imper- too, was slightly better educated vious, so blind, to the screams of than Guard Bingo. In Egbex-t’s the Wergs? opinion, however, he spi’ang Why did everyone balk him at from the same bestial stock. every turn? Even, sometimes He found DuBi'Ow in his office. yes, he had to admit it—his wife The Captain had a simulmag Renee? She commented that he open to a travel spread devoted occasionally went overboard on to hunting big game on Mum- the subject. ford’s Thii-d Companion. The Overboard ? On what was clear- spi-ead’s central illustration de- ly a question of humanity? Of picted some sad alien beast lying morality? Impossible! on its side, guts opened with a The tube whished to a halt. Eg- stim pellet. Again Egbert bert didn’t immediately open his blanched. eyes. For a moment he was over- “Something I can do for you, come with a delicious vertigo in Mr. Lester?” DuBrow’s eyes were which he visioned himself in a two pebbles in a moi'tar slab. He position of power from which he was well-conditioned, hard and could do something, honestly do Egbert knew—completely un- something, about the pitiful feeling. plight of the Wergs. “The situation with the Wergs Oh, if he only had the author- below,” Egbert began. “It’s intol- ity. He’d make them see the erable.”

100 FANTASTIC ” ”

DuBrow closed the simulmag, “A man in my profession—ded- bored. “Which situation?” icated to humanitarian principles “The pictures. DuBrow, I’ll —to put it bluntly, DuBrow, I have to ask that no more cameras empathize.” be allowed in the Cavern.” The Captain stifled a snicker. “If you weren’t serious, Mr. Les- UBROW bristled. “See here. ter, you’d be a joke.” D That’s a matter of Park “And if you weren’t such a Service policy. Are you aware of damned thick-skinned brute, the profit we make on film alone you’d see all too clearly that your at the souvenir stand? I’m afraid man Bingo—a human ape who I’ll have to remind you, Mr. Les- deserves to be shot!—is accept- ter, that you’re on station as a ing bribe money from the tour- concession to the bleeding—to ists so he’ll turn his back and the S.P.C.E.T. people nothing overlook it when they take illegal more.” flash shots. Shots, which, Du- Egbert slammed his fist Brow, result in the agonies of hell against the desk. “But you’re for the Wergs.” supposed to cooperate with me! “You know that for a fact?” Pay heed to my suggestions!” returned the other, adding hasti- “Frankly, Lester, since you ily, “Yeah, yeah, don’t tell me. take that nasty tone, I may as Empathy.” well tell you that some of your Egbert’s wave was theatrical. suggestions strike me as pretty “For God’s sake, DuBrow, have airy-fairy. Such as your notion you ever heard them scream?” that we shouldn’t let tourists “Of course. But how do I know bother the Wergs at all.” what it means if our language “I may have been a bit hasty people don’t? Maybe they howl when I proposed— because they’re sexhappy and a “Yeah, hasty is a good word. flash gets them all hopped up. I’m Naturally the decision is mine. no baboon’s mind reader, Lester. I couldn’t possibly go along with And neither are you.” you. The Wergs seem to congre- “Baboon!” Egbert howled, jig- gate on that shelf without any ging from foot to foot. “Baboon? prodding from us. I’ve never no- Of all the provincial, utterly ticed that they mind the tour- blind, coarse and stupid terms ists.” with which to libel an extra-ter- Egbert drew himself up. “I’m restrial, that is the worst I have positive they do mind, DuBrow.” ever heard. That is the— “Oh yes? From what evi- He stopped. He was aware that dence?” Captain Finch B. DuBrow was

THE SCREAMS OF THE WERGS 101 ” : waving at him, in a placating in the daytime, when the tour- manner. ists come. The only place to hide Egbert sniffed. “Well. Don’t is that little alcove in the wall of tell me I’ve finally made an im- the promenade. Dim as they are, pression.” the daytime service lights make DuBrow sighed. "I’m willing hiding there impossible. But I to listen. Just to shut you up.” tell you again, DuBrow, I’m posi- tive he’s guilty.” APIDLY, triumphantly, Eg- The Capt. picked up his simul- R bert repeated his accusations mag. “He may be. Unfortunately against Guard Bingo. “And I am I can’t do a thing without evi- sure, DuBrow, I am morally cer- dence.” tain beyond all doubt, that such About to issue a stinging re- sudden, high-intensity flashes of tort, Egbert Lester abruptly no- light are unbearable for those ticed a detail he had overlooked poor creatures. I am equally mor- before. From the breast pocket of ally certain beyond all doubt that Captain DuBrow’s dress uniform Guard Bingo is taking bribes, in a small corner of something pur- the interest of self-aggrandize- ple-papery protruded. DuBrow ment.” noticed Egbert’s noticing. For a “Whatever that means,” Du- moment the Park Service officer Brow mumbled. Then another flushed. Then he buttoned the sigh whistled out from between pocket flap and turned his back. his thin lpis. “Mr. Lester, I wish “Sorry,” said DuBrow over his I were so certain about every- shoulder. “No evidence. You un- thing. That’s beside the point, derstand.” though. Can you furnish evi- “Yes,” Egbert said darkly. “I dence? In order to discipline certainly do. Now.” Bingo, I must have evidence.” The glance DuBrow flung him “Why? I know he’s guilty.” as he left was enough to make “But I don’t.” Egbert, even within his moral “DuBrow, I tell you I know— armor, shudder all over. “In other words,” the Capt. in- terrupted, “you did not see him AT lunch in the efficiency apart-' actually take the cash you allege H ment, one of several carved he took?” out of the rock of the first level,

“No, no ! But he’ll never let me Egbert revealed everything to see, either. He’d never risk tak- his plump, pei't wife Renee ing money if I were hanging “At last I see exactly how the around. And there’s no place cards are stacked against me in where I can observe him secretly this rotten sinkhole. I spotted a

102 FANTASTIC ” five credit note sticking out of “What the devil’s wrong with DuBrow’s pocket. You can be that?” sure he hid it quickly enough. “Nothing. It’s wonderful to But the damage was done. He feel sympathy for those dumb knows I know everybody of this hairy creatures. And I know it station is paid by computer chit. hurt you deeply when that de- A credit note means DuBrow’s livery man beat your dog to death been taking bribes too. Guard for nipping his boot. But that Bingo is probably cutting him in was thirty-two years ago! You for fifty percent of what he clips were only eight. Impressionable.” off the tourists. Or maybe it’s “Renee.” Egbert’s voice hush money. Maybe DuBrow dis- chilled. “I fail to see— covered the stinking scheme and “Darling, I’m simply trying to demanded payment.” say that one delivery man is not Pouring nutrient beverage the whole population of the uni- from a tarnished silver pot, Re- verse. You ought to at least try nee made a moue. “How can you to see the other side.” be sure, darling? I mean, per- “The other side of what?” he haps there was a barracks dice challenged. “The other side of game, something like that.” cruelty to dumb extra-terrestri- “Nonsense!” Egbert cried. als is, cruelty.” His eyes shone. “Renee, why do you think I’ve “If only I had the authority, chalked up such a good record Renee, I’d show them they could with the Society? It’s because not get away with such hideous they know I’m always extra-sen- acts. Anywhere!” sitive to rotten, inhuman deals Renee frowned. “But maybe like the one I’ve unearthed here.” you go about it the wrong way.” Renee’s blue eyes rested brief- “Renee, in God’s name what’s ly on the wall. The wallpaper come over you?” hung in disorderly strips. It was “I’m only talking this way for impossible to keep anything per- your sake, dear. I’ve been think- manently affixed to the damp rock. ing about that sign you put up Her look, quickly concealed, said on the promenade.” she wasn’t so sure the record “What about the sign? I chalked up by her husband was fought with DuBrow for weeks all that excellent. Out of sympa- over it. Now I see why he resisted thy she didn’t put the feeling in- so stubbornly.” to words. But she did offer one “But you don’t at all.” mild argument: “Sometimes, dar- “What?” ling, I think you’re too involved in “The sign—well, if the Captain your work.” is taking money the way you say

THE SCREAMS OF THE WERGS 103 he is, the sign actually makes his equally moribund opposites in the business boom!” Park Service ? Oh, no. Who knows “Renee, maybe you ought to what damage the Wergs may suf- drop into the dispensary, have a fer in the meantime?” chat with the mentalist.” He leaned over the table, near- ly upsetting the pot of nutrient TVTOW it’s my turn, dear—non- beverage as he gestured. “I tell ^ sense. You have to admit you, Renee, the whole S.P.C.E.T. this one fact. Until that sign administration on Earth is top- went up, there was very little heavy with doddering, self-seek- trouble with flashguns in the ing bureaucrats. What the So- Cavern. I mean, someone now ciety needs is a new broom. Some- and then sneaked a picture with one with guts enough to nail a light, yes. But as soon as you down the orders and then en- erected that billboard, things got force them, come hell or high worse. The sign became a sort of water. Why are you making that goad, don’t you see? What a per- abysmal face?” son is prohibited from doing “No reason, darling. It’s just sometimes becomes ten times that—well, I wish you wouldn’t more attractive. read so many of those books Egbert glared. “I’ll just have about generals and military men to make the appointment for you and all. I think it has a bad effect myself. As soon as possible.” on you.” Renee was crestfallen. “Dar- “It certainly does,” he agreed ling, I only tried to suggest a promptly. “I see how successful !” possibility, an idea others have been in carrying for- “The threat of a stiff penalty ward worthy causes and neces- is the only way to stamp out the sary reforms and I get very de- evils of human nature, Renee.” pressed.” Renee gave up. “You may be Egbert was staring at the ring right.” left by his overflowing cup of “Of course I’m right. The prob- nutrient beverage. Consequently lem is, what can I do about it he didn’t see Renee start to right now?” speak, to tell him that wasn’t* “File your customary report, what she had meant at all. But

I suppose.” she didn’t speak. “And wait months and perhaps “The situation is intolerable,” years for the moribund old men he repeated. “Something must be who style themselves executives done.” of the Society back on Terra to Renee rose. “Probably a report get around to contacting their would be best, dear. Excuse me,

104 FANTASTIC but Egbert Junior will be coming He would act. Tonight. home from supervised play at the * * * mine camp any minute.” She left the kitchen. Hours later, after he was sure Renee and Egbert Junior were U’GBERT brooded on about the asleep in their separate rock- -J futility of fighting immoral- walled cubicles, he rose from his ity by writing reports that van- own foam cushion and slipped ished into circular files. Then, into his clothes. At this late with the barest flicker of his eye- hour, the dozen Park Service lids as a sign, he had his answer. guards on duty were all stationed How strange, he commented to at the various aboveground en- himself. How prosaic. That the trances, to make sure no drunken great clang of the hammer on the miners from the nearby mineral shackle of bondage first sounded lode camps stumbled in and lost in this mean, paper-peeling kitch- their way by accident. en underground on Wergleman’s Egbert knew the station lay- Planet, so far from Earth. When out by heart. He had no difficulty they wrote his biography (Egbert finding his way to Captain Du- was so entranced with his plot Brow’s cubicle in the near-dark. that he thought when they wrote, From a locker he’d seen open not if they wrote) they would once before, Egbert extracted an mention that Egbert Lester, who ugly, sinister stim pellet pistol in had risen through the ranks of a holster. Carrying it, he slipped the S.P.C.E.T., over the objec- to the elevator. He descended tions of hundreds of bureaucrats quickly to the level of the Wergs. who were afraid of him and hold- He advanced across the rock ing him back, to become the So- promenade in the feeble, eerie ciety’s ranking executive, had light of the blue solar cell blips, conceived his daring stroke at his only one in six lighted at night. own kitchen table. But where else The green rock walls dripped. Eg- should humble stewardship be bert stole toward the rail, breath- exercised, if not in a humble set- ing rapidly. ting? About a dozen Wergs were The plan had pitfalls, of course. curled up in a teddy-bear pile on There were distinct possibilities their shelf across the chasm. A of publicity, trial, imprisonment, dozen would do nicely for a even forced adjustment. start. Egbert clucked to them So? gently, keeping the stim pellet This was a moral issue. A pistol out of sight behind his burning, burning moral issue. back.

THE SCREAMS OF THE WERGS 105 ” ” ”

“Wake up, you poor things, night lights. Guard Bingo cir- wake up, chee-chee-chee.” Eg- cled Egbert warily. The latter bert’s passable imitation of their was backed against the rail, normal cries made one, then two, brandishing the stim pellet gun stir. Membranes flew up. Yellow and sobbing, “Stay away, stay eyes shone across the abyss, away, you immoral, bestial— dumb, fond, trusting. “Gimme that gun!” cried Bin- Tears began to trickle down go, lunging. Egbert’s cheeks. “Hold up!” DuBrow cried, “Wake up now, all of you, fumbling with some sort of chee-chee-chee.” equipment. “We need evidence!” Lethargically, a Werg blinked. Bingo skidded to a halt. And It was like someone signalling before Egbert could howl against by darkening a lantern. The ex- the unspeakability of it, DuBrow tra-terrestrial shambled to the had the camera at eye level. edge of the shelf. Egbert whipped DuBrow was taking no chances up the stim pellet pistol, tears on a fuzzy image from plain laving his cheeks. As his finger eight-X film. The white eye of tightened on the trigger he the flashgun winked, dazzling. sobbed, “Believe me, this is for Just before the Wergs began to your own good. I can’t stand your scream, Egbert felt something suffering any longer— like a tiny insect sting on his “I knew he was going to neck. Then the Wergs let loose. crack!” a hoarse voice yelled. The torment of the screams “Grab him, Bingo!” unmanned him, dissolved his Shapes materialized out of the courage. Bingo leaped forward to gloom behind Egbert. He whirled wrench the pistol away. Egbert too late. A hand clamped on his sobbed impotently, his mind tor- wrist and tussled for possession mented by visions of the hells of the weapon. Egbert’s tears of he’d inflict on these coarse, cruel pity changed to tears of rage: men, should he ever be given the “Spying on me? Behind my chance. Which he knew he never back? Waiting for me—let go, would be. Bingo! You’re not getting this DuBrow’s face, quite close gun— now, gloated. “We talked it over He gave a furious wrench and after I saw you, Lester, you jerk. was free. Captain DuBrow We decided you might pull some rushed from the alcove in the stunt like this. We thought maybe rock where, apparently, he and you’d try to turn all the Wergs A1 Bingo had been lurking, un- loose. We couldn’t have you queer- seen thanks to the sparsity of ing a good deal, now could we?

106 FANTASTIC ”

Especially when the pay out zeal by the Society’s ranking ex- here’s as low as it is. Why, I ecutive officer. Of course the old bank that dough the tourists fool understood nothing of the cough up.” situation. He shook his head over “I’ll report you,” Egbert cried, DuBrow’s photo, characterizing without much heart. the scene it depicted as “most DuBrow clucked sadly. “Sorry unfortunate, yes, most unfortu- you’re feeling so upset, Lester nate.” Egbert was let off lightly, old boy. Job got you down ? Lone- however, since mental fatigue ly, so far from Terra? Happens and crackups were hazards of ca- all the time. I’ve already put in reer officers who worked far from for a hew resident agent. I think Terra. Shrewdly Egbert did noth- you need a nice long rest. I think ing to disabuse the Society about you’ll get it when they see that his true motives, or rather about picture I took. I think nobody’s his motives being wholly sane. going to believe any of your ridic- He made a pious show of sor- ulous accusations, either. Not row when, rounding out his when you’re so obviously suffer- three months spent on staff at the ing extra-terrestrial brain fa- Society, he was given a thorough tigue. Bingo? Hang onto the mental and physical examination. camera. Let’s go Mr. Lester up He came through with flying col-

to the dispensary right away. Do ors : you suppose the doc’ll have to “The strain will pass, Mr. Les- break out those restraining ter,” said the internist at the sheets ?” concluding interview. “And you’re in remarkably tiptop phys- HEY didn’t find it necessary. ical shape, too. Oh, your blood T Egbert Lester was docile, does show the presence of several with Renee beside his bed hold- of those peculiar wafers— ing his hand. But drugged as he Egbert blinked. “Wafers, doc- was, the screams of the Wergs tor?” haunted him. He’d failed. “An unusual little cell struc- But not because he was not ture. Don’t fre:t about them. right. Oh no! He’d simply made We’ve analyzed them up one side the gamble and lost to the forces and down the other. At first they of inhumanity. seemed to slow down the human In due course the Lester fam- metabolism slightly, but that ily was rotated home to Terra, has only proved temporary. Oth- and a new S.P.C.E.T. assigned erwise we’ve detected no unto- to Wergleman’s Planet. Egbert ward effects. We’ll give you regu- was chastised for an excess of lar observations, of course, just

THE SCREAMS OF THE WERGS 107 — to check up. These things have TT wasn’t until toward the end been cropping up lately during that those who found them- routine physicals of people selves rather arbitrarily lumped who’ve visited Wergleman’s as with the victims, as opposed to tourists. Apparently the wafers the smaller core of revolutionary are some sort of bacteria we’re reformists, discovered that the not familiar with. We call them most zealous revolutionaries had wafers for want of a better term. all, in their day, been to Wergle- Care to look at a slide of one?” man’s Planet as tourists. “Thank you, no,” Egbert said Had, indeed, surreptitiously listlessly. “I’m due at Society taken flash pictures of what they headquarters in half an hour to ignorantly thought were the find out about my new post.” primary inhabitants of the world. An insignificant one, as it Had not seen, in the microsec- turned out. ond of universal blindness when So were all the other posts dur- the white light flared, the fast ing the ensuing years in which but perceptible flight of the tiny Egbert Lester was rotated from Wergs, across the chasm, to the planet to planet with monotonous flesh of the humans, who now regularity; a minor, very minor became their hosts. Those queer official of the S.P.C.E.T. He knew cell units which seemed capable his bold plan with the Wergs had of directing their hosts like pup- cost him promotions. Out of ne- pets, through some chemical pro- cessity he resigned himself. He cess, had long ago been lightly read his lives of Fabius, of Na- christened the Wafers. poleon and others, and nursed his The actions of their puppet private vision of the gross im- hosts were far from light. morality of mankind, including In the riots, the looting, the mankind’s blindness to truth and toppled governments and the mil- right which was, no doubt, still lion-at-a-time deaths which were, manifesting itself, in the profi- of course, morally cleansing for teering from the flash picture society, the one fact almost lost racket on far off Wergleman’s. in obscurity was the fact that When Egbert was approaching the wafers had apparently been his forty-eighth birthday—he unwilling, in their mysteriously was stationed on Humboldt’s sentient way, to migrate to hosts Thirteenth Belt World, and the who could ultimately seize the sting on his neck the night of power for them. Unwilling, that his failure was long forgotten is, until they discovered the blind- the People’s United Revolution ing white camouflage of a simple began. camera flash.

108 FANTASTIC Karharty, an anti-revolution- Wafers and their hosts were dis- ist, wrote a paper in his death creetly silent too. cell. Its thesis was later authen- Karharty was executed and his ticated by revolutionary leaders paper destroyed. who had apprehended the trai- The execution party was per- tors who had spilled everything. sonally commanded by that so- A few of the hosts, it seemed, cially conscious firebrand, that were not completely subjugated. implacable foe of injustice, the But they were soon caught. Terran who, the victims said, The paper by Karharty main- had been unlucky enough to be- tained that the Wafers had re- come the host for the Wafers’ vealed, during whatever sort of commanding general, if parasitic communion they held with their cell armies can be said to have hosts, that the shrieks of the generals. The poor Terran made near-forgotten Wergs did not a good show of knuckling under come as the natural reactions of to the conquerors, though. Prob- the extra-terrestrials to light. ably, said the more charitable Rather, the screams were reac- victims, he had a family to think tions deliberately induced and about. stimulated by the Wafers, to He conducted Karharty’s exe- serve as additional misdirection cution, and many other execu- and cover during the perilous in- tions, with dash. He was a crowd terval of migration the instant pleaser. The slim crowds left the flashes went off. Which came over after he visited the various first, the plan of conquest or the planets, dispensing justice, had means—the white flashes—was an admiring name for him. a chicken-and-egg question no- They called him Red Hands body, not even Karharty, could Lester. fully answer. On that point, the THE END

You'll Find Good Reading in June AMAZING

• THE PROGRAMMED PEOPLE, a novel by Jack Sharkey

• THE ENCOUNTER, a novelet by J. G. Ballard

• ERIC FRANK RUSSELL, SF Profile by Sam Moskowitz

Be sure to get your copy on sale at newsstands May 9.

109 MONOLOGUE for TWO

By HARRISON DENMARK

The time? Anytime-note. The place? Everyivhere-nowhere.

The plot? Life-death. The characters? You-me-both-I.

—Thank you, nurse, but I can thought I’d check up though. Sci- manage the chair with one arm. ence is always making wonderful the wheels turn quite easily. advances. I know you did some —Good morning, Doctor. Nice pioneer work in transplantation place you’ve got. Nice country. and, well, I thought you’d know, —No, I’ve never been here to if anyone would. see you before. Maybe I do look —Yes, Polish. I’m a doctor familiar, though . . . myself. Haven’t practiced since —My trouble? Oh, that. the war, though, and I’m afraid Would you take a look at the I haven’t kept abreast of all muscle of my left calf, please? phases of the healing arts. —In- —Sorry, I can’t bend forward stitute of Medicine in Warsaw, to roll up the trouser. No, you’ll yes, that’s right. I was doing my have to raise the leg yourself, internship back when you started too. your research . . . —Don’t be —Yes, that’s right. There is modest. I know you were only a no muscle in my left ralf. member of the staff, and that —What’s wrong, Doctor? You Ravensbroek was a big place. don’t look so well, all of a sud- Still, so is the world, and I man- den. Do you recognize the surgi- aged to find you here, just as cal technique? you found me there. —Sit down, by all means. No, —That ash is going to fall on I don’t smoke, thank you. your nice carpet. Just drop it in —What’s that? It lit itself for the tray as it floats by. you? Yes, that happens some- —Very good. times. —What do I want? Oh, per- —No, I didn’t think there was haps just a moment of your anything you could do for it. Just time. I’ve had a hankering in no —I ! recent years to practice medicine you were going to turn this into again, myself. Surgery requires a charity clinic, I decided to two good hands, though, and that come see about a job. transplant experiment you tried —What? —Nothing about a didn’t come out so well. Still, I charity clinic? —Oh, you’re might make a good diagnosti- wrong. We’re going to treat the cian . . . poor, the uneducated, the —Dead! No, somehow that maimed and the blind. We’re go- didn’t happen. Was it Schopen- ing to deliver babies and admin- hauer who said that even life it- ister free medicine. After all, self is an act of will? I forget. we’re rich, aren’t we? Anyhow, the tubercular bacilli —No, you don’t understand. didn’t do their job properly You can’t refuse to operate, be- neither did the Type AB blood, cause you’re only going to be the even though I am Type 0—nor assistant. You don’t think I’d the starvation diet. trust you with a scalpel in your —It might have been that hands, do you? Your rich pa- whole wild syndrome you im- tients will just have to find posed, or maybe it was the yoga themselves another hand-patter. I practiced to keep from going —You’d better put your ciga- mad—or both of them—that rette out now. Never mind, I’ll gave me the Power. —No, stay in do it. There. Now this is going your chair! to hurt me much much more —See what I mean ? I have the than it’s going to hurt you. I Power. It wasn’t so strong in loathe the thought. Your body is those days, back when I crawled the coffin of a dead soul, and from the ruins of Ravensbroek your hands are the instruments with a bullet in my heart, but of murder—but they can be put I’ve been working on it a lot to good uses, and maybe atone for since. some of what you’ve done. —Kill you? Goodness! What- —Your eyesight? Yes, that’s ever gave you that idea? I have the Power working now. I’ve no desire to kill you. No, the man spent almost twenty years de- in the wheelchair isn’t going to veloping it to this point. Just re- hurt anybody . . . lax. Another second will do it. —But you, Doctor, what do —There you think of the Power? — —See all right, now? The know you’re not a psychiatrist. chair? Oh, you’ll get used to it. But don’t you think it could be a The wheels turn quite easily. great aid to a medical man? —Nurse! Come in here! The —So do I, yes. So when I heard patient has fainted. the end

111 Professor Jonkin's Cannibal Plant

By HOWARD R. GARIS

Introduction by Sam Moskowitz

Professor Jonkin’s Cannibal ( some still in print) have sold Plant is beyond doubt the most more than five million copies. In delightful spoof on the man-eat- addition, scores of toys, games ing plant theme ever written in ( many invented by Garis) and science fiction. If it ivere sub- other products have used the mitted today as the work of a name of Uncle Wiggily or one of new author, it would be instantly the other characters from the purchased as a satiric gem. series. Oddly enough, its author, Virtually buried in anonymity Howard R. Garis is best known under this mass of bedtime sto- for his “Bed Time Stories,” of ries were Garis’ sf stories pub- Uncle Wiggily, the rheumatic old lished in argosy. The following rabbit with the top hat and full- story was one of a series which dress suit, along with a retinue would eventually include such in- of ducks, an old-lady muskrat, an triguing titles as Prof. Jonkins alligator, a villainous fox and a and His Busier Bees, Quick full cast of “humanized” wood- Transit by Beanstalk, Ltd., and land creatures. His winged Elephant. These sto- Before his death on Nov. 6, ries followed a vogue of the era 1962, in Amherst, Mass, at the for tales poking fun at strange age of 89, Garis had xvritten 15, new inventions. 000 short stories about his rab- Though the science fiction or bit character. At the height of “invention” dime novels of the their popularity they were syndi- time may have inspired the cated daily in 100 newspapers horseplay trend which Garis here and abroad and the best of helped carry on, it also served as them collected into 75 books the prototype for a far more sig-

Copyright, 1905, by the Frank A. Muv.scy Co.. Reprinted from ARGOSY, August, 1905

112 nificant and influential series. ventor Tom Swift. Everyone Just at about the time the dime knew that the syndicate ivas made novels were succumbing to the possible by a staff of “ghost pulp magazine, Edward Stratey- writers.” The death notices meyer, one of the greatest of the of Howard R. Garis finally dime novel writers, started a syn- substantiated the fact that he dicate in which he produced lotv- had written the first 35 of the priced hard-cover books aimed at Tom Swift books. The author- youngsters and teen-agers. One ship of that series elevates Garis of the most successful series to a position of importance as

(.second only to The Rover Boys ) one of the most influential sci- was that featuring the young in- ence-fiction writers of our time.

FTER Professor Jeptha Jon- He pointed to a small plant A kin had, by skilful grafting with bright, glossy green leaves and care, succeeded in raising a mottled with red spots. The thing single tree that produced, at dif- was growing in a large earthen ferent seasons, apples, oranges, -pot. pineapples, figs, cocoanuts, and It bore three flowers, about the peaches, it might have been sup- size of morning glories, and not posed he would rest from his sci- unlike that blossom in shape, entific labors. But Professor Jon- save, near the top, there was a kin was not that kind of a man. sort of lid, similar to the flap ob- He was continually striving to served on a jack-in-the-pulpit grow something new in the plant plant. world. So it was no surprise to “Look down one of those flow- Bradley Adams, when calling on ers,” went on the professor, and his friend the professor one af- Adams, wondering what was to ternoon, to find that scientist come, did so. busy in his large conservatory. He saw within a small tube, “What are you up to now?” lined with fine, hair-like fila- asked Adams. “Trying to make a ments, which seemed to be in mo- rose-bush produce violets, or a tion. And the shaft or tube went honeysuckle vine bring forth down to the bottom of the morn- pumpkins ?” ing-glory-shaped part of the “Neither,” replied Professor flower. At the lower extremity Jonkin a little stiffly, for he re- was a little clear liquid. sented Adams’ playful tone. “Not “Kind of a queer blossom. that either of those things would What is it?” asked Adams. be difficult. But look at that.” "That,” said the professor

113 ” with a note of pride in his voice, he liberated close to the queer “is a specimen of the Sarracenia plant. Nepenthis.” The insects buzzed About a few “What’s that? French for sun- seconds, dazed with their sudden flower, or Latin for sweet pea?” liberty. asked Adams irreverently. Then they began slowly to cir- “It is Latin for pitcher plant,” cle in the vicinity of the strange responded the professor, draw- flowers. Nearer and nearer the ing himself up to his full height blossoms they came, attracted by of five feet three. “One of the some subtle perfume, as well as most interesting of the South by a sweet syrup that was on the American flora.” edge of the petals, put there by “The name fits it pretty well,” nature for the very purpose of observed Adams. “I see there’s drawing hapless insects into the water at the bottom. I suppose trap. this isn’t the pitcher that went to The flies settled down, some on the well too often.” the petals of all three blooms. “The Sarracenia Nepenthis is Then a curious thing happened. a most wonderful plant,” went The little hair-like filaments in on the pi’ofessor in his lecture the tube within the petals sud- voice, not heeding Adams’ jok- denly reached out and wound ing remarks. “It belongs to what themselves about the insects Darwin calls the carnivorous feeding on the sw7 eet stuff, and family of flowers, and other va- which seemed to intoxicate them. rieties of the same species are In an instant the flies were the Dionaea Muscipula, or Venus pulled to the top of the flower Fly-trap, the Darlingtonia, the shaft by a contraction of the Pinguicula and Aldrovandra, as hairs, and then they went tum- well as— bling dowm the tube into the “Hold on, professor,” pleaded miniature pond below, where Adams. “I’ll take the rest on they were drowned after a brief faith. Tell me about this pitcher struggle. Their crawling back plant, sounds interesting.” was prevented by spines grow- “It is interesting,” said Pro- ing with points down, as the fessor Jonkin. “It eats insects.” wires in some rat-traps are fas- “Eats insects?” tened. “Certainly. Watch.” Meanwhile the cover of the plant closed down." HE professor opened a small “Why, it’s a regular fly-trap, Twire cage lying on a shelf and isn’t it?” remarked Adams, much took from it several flies. These surprised.

114 FANTASTIC Illustrator ADKINS

PROFESSOR JONKIN'S CANNIBAL PLANT 115 “It is,” replied the professor. time, and the gardener he hired “The plant lives off the insects it to do rough work noticed that his captures. It absorbs them, di- master spent much time in that gests them, and, when it is hun- part of the glass house where the gry again, catches more.” pitcher plant was growing. “Where’d you get such an un- For Professor Jonkin had be- canny thing?” asked Adams, come so much interested in his moving away from the plant as latest acquisition that he seemed if he feared it might take a sam- to think of nothing else. His plan ple bite out of him. for increasing strawberries to “A friend sent it to me from the size of peaches was aban- Brazil.” doned for a time, as was his pet “But you’re not going to keep scheme of raising apples without it, I hope.” any core. “I certainly am,” rejoined Pro- The gardener wondered what fessor Jonkin. there was about the South Amer- “Maybe you’re going to train ican blossoms to require such it to come to the table and eat close attention. like a human being,” suggested Adams, with a laugh that net- NE day he thought he would tled the professor. O find out, and he started to “I wouldn’t have to train it enter that part of the conserva- much to induce it to be polite,” tory where the pitcher plant was snapped back the owner of the growing. Professor Jonkin halt- pitcher plant. ed him before he had stepped in- And then, seeing that his jokes side and sternly bade him never were not relished, Adams as- to appear there again. sumed an interest he did not As the gardener, crestfallen, feel, and listened to a long disser- moved away after a glimpse into tation on botany in general and the forbidden region he mut- carnivorous plants in particular. tered : He would much rather have “My, that plant has certainly been eating some of the queer grown! And I wonder what the hybrid fruits the professor professor was doing so close to raised. He pleaded an engage- it. Looked as if he was feeding ment when he saw an opening in the thing.” the talk, and went away. As the days went by the con- It was some months after that duct of Professor Jonkin became before he saw the professor more and more curious. He again. The botanist was busy in scarcely left the southern end of his conservatory in the mean the conservatory, save at night,

116 FANTASTIC when he entered his house to “Porterhouse steaks ?” ques- sleep. tioned the gardener, amazed. He was a bachelor, and had no “Do you feed ’em to the dog?” family cares to trouble him, so “We don’t keep a dog.” he could spend all his time among But the butcher boy questioned his plants. But hitherto he had no further, for he saw a chum divided his attention among his and hastened off to join him. many experiments in the floral “Three porterhouse steaks a kingdom. day !” mused the gardener, shak- Now he was always with his ing his head. “I do hope the pro- mysterious pitcher plant. He fessor has not ceased to be a even had his meals sent into the vegetarian. Yet it looks mighty green-house. suspicious. And he’s doing it on “Be you keepin’ boarders?” the sly, too, for there’s been no asked the butcher boy ox the meat cooked in the house, of that gardener one day, pausing on his I’m sure.” return to the store, his empty And the gardener, sorely puz- basket on his arm. zled over the mystery, went off, “No. Why?” shaking his head more solemnly “The professor is orderin’ so than before. much meat lately. I thought you He resolved to have a look in had company.” the place the professor guarded “No, there’s only us two. Mr. so carefully. He tried the door Adams used to come to dinner when he was sure his master was once in a while, but not lately.” in another part of the conserva- “Then you an’ the professor tory, but it was locked, and no must have big appetites.” key the gardener had would un- “What makes you think so ?” fasten it. “The number of beefsteaks A month after the gardener you eat.” had heard of the porterhouse “Number of beefsteaks? Why, steaks, Adams happened to drop my lad, the professor and I are in to see the professor again. both vegetarians.” “He’s in with the Sarracenia “What’s them?” Nepenthis,” said the gardener in “We neither of us eat a bit of answer to the visitor’s inquiry. meat. We don’t believe it’s “But I doubt if he will let you healthy.” enter.” “Then what becomes of the “Why won’t he?” three big porterhouse steaks I “Because he’s become mighty deliver to the professor in the close-mouthed of late over that green-house every day?” pitcher plant.”

PROFESSOR JONKIN'S CANNIBAL PLANT 117 ” ” —

“Oh, I guess he’ll see me,” re- larger meals I might get a bigger marked Adams confidently, and plant. So I made my plans. he knocked on the door that shut “First I cut off all but one off the locked section of the blossom, so that the strength of green-house from the main por- the plant would nourish that tion. alone. Then I made out a bill of “Who’s there?” called the pro- fare. I began feeding it on fessor. chopped beef. The plant took to it “Adams.” like a puppy. It seemed to beg

“Oh,” in a more conciliatory for more. From chopped meat I tone, “I was just wishing you’d went to small pieces, cut up. I come along. I have something to could fairly see the blossom in- show you.” crease in size. From that I went to choice mutton chops, and, af- PROFESSOR JONKIN opened ter a week of them, with the the door, and the sight that plant becoming more gigantic all met Adams’ gaze startled him. the while, I increased its meals The only plant in that part of to a porterhouse steak a day. And the conservatory was a single now— specimen of the Sarracenia Ne- The professor paused to con- penthis. Yet it had attained such template his botanical work. enormous proportions that at “Well, now?” questioned Ad- first Adams thought he must be ams. dreaming. “Now,” went on the professor “What do you think of that for proudly, “my pitcher plant takes an achievement in science?” three big beefsteaks every day asked the professor proudly. one for breakfast, one for dinner, “Do you mean to say that is the and one for supper. And see the small, fly-catching plant your result.” friend sent you from Brazil?” Adams gazed at the immense “The same.” plant. From a growth about as “But—but— big as an Easter lily it had in- “But how it’s grown, that’s creased until the top was near what you want to say, isn’t it?” the roof of the green-house, “It is. How did you do it?” twenty-five feet above. “By dieting the blossoms.” About fifteen feet up, or ten “You mean—?” feet from the top, there branched “I mean feeding them. Listen. out a great flower, about eight I reasoned that if a small blos- feet long and three feet across som of the plant would thrive the bell-shaped mouth, which, ex- on a few insects, by giving it cept for the cap or cover, was

118 FANTASTIC not unlike the opening of an im- and blossom as the professor fell mense morning glory. within. He went head first into The flower was heavy, and the the tube, or eating apparatus of stalk on which it grew was not the strange plant, his legs stick- strong enough to support it up- ing out for an instant, kicking right. So a rude scaffolding had wildly. Then he disappeared en- been constructed of wood and tirely. boards, and on a frame the flower Adams didn’t know whether to was held upright. laugh or be alarmed. In order to see it to better ad- He mounted the ladder, and vantage, and also that he might stood in amazement before the feed it, the professor had a lad- result of the professor’s work as der by which he could ascend to he looked down into the depth of a small platform in front of the the gigantic flower, increased a bell-shaped mouth of the blos- hundred times in size. som. “It is time to give my pet its E was aware of a strange, meal,” he announced, as if he H sickish-sweet odor that were speaking of some favorite seemed to steal over his senses. horse. “Want to come up and It was lulling him to sleep, and watch it eat?” he fought against it. Then he “No, thank you,” responded looked down and saw that the Adams. “It’s too uncanny.” huge hairs or filaments with The professor took a large which the tube was lined were steak, one of the three which the in violent motion. butcher boy had left that day. He could just discern the pro- Holding it in his hand, he climbed fessor’s feet about three feet be- up the ladder and was soon on the low the rim of the flower. They platform in front of the plant. were kicking, but with a force Adams watched him curiously. growing less every second. The The professor leaned over to toss filaments seemed to be winding the steak into the yawning about the professor’s legs, hold- mouth of the flower. ing him in a deadly embrace. Suddenly Adams saw him tot- Then the top cover, or flap of ter, throw his arms wildly in the the plant, closed down suddenly. air, and then, as if drawn by The professor was a prisoner in- some overpowering force, he fell side. forward, lost his balance, and The plant had turned cannibal toppled into the maw of the and eaten the man who had pitcher plant! grown it! There was a jar to the stalk For an instant, fear deprived

PROFESSOR JONKIN'S CANNIBAL PLANT 119 Adams of reason. He did not casion of former visits, and know what to do. Then the awful grabbed a big bottle of chloro- plight of his friend brought back form. He caught up a towel and his senses. ran back up the ladder. “Professor!” he shouted. “Are Not a sign of the professor you alive? Can you hear me?” could be seen. The plant had “Yes,” came back in faint and swallowed him up, but by the muffled tones. “This beast has motion and swaying of the flow- me, all right.” er Adams knew his friend was Then followed a series of vio- yet alive. lent struggles that shook the He was in some doubt as to the plant. success of this method, and “I’ll get you out! Where’s an would rather have taken an ax ax? I’ll chop the cursed plant to and chopped a hole in the side pieces!” cried Adams. of the blossom, thus releasing “Don’t! Don’t!” came in al- the captive. But he decided to most pleading tones from the obey the professor. imprisoned professor. Saturating the towel well with “Don’t what?” the chloroform, and holding his !” “Don’t hurt my pet nose away from it, he pressed the “Your pet!” snorted Adams wet cloth over the top of the blos- angrily. “Nice kind of a pet you som where the lid touched the have! One that tries to eat you edge of the bloom. alive! But I’ve got to do some- thing if I want to save you. HERE was a slight opening Where’s the ax?” Tat one point, and Adams “No! No!” begged the profes- poured some of the chloroform sor, his voice becoming more and down this. He feared lest the more muffled. “Use chloroform.” fumes of the anesthetic might “Use what?” overpower the professor also, but

“Chloroform ! You’ll find some he knew they would soon pass in the closet.” away if this happened. Then Adams saw what the For several minutes he waited professor’s idea was. The plant anxiously. Would the plan suc- could be made insensible, and the ceed? Would the plant be over- imprisoned man released with no come before it had killed the pro- harm to the blossom. fessor inside? He raced down the ladder, ran Adams was in a fever of ter- to a closet where he had seen the ror. Again and again he satu- professor’s stock of drugs and rated the towel with the powerful chemicals stowed away on the oc- drug. Then he had the satisfac-

120 FANTASTIC tion of seeing the lid of the pitch- pened. I suppose I would have er plant relax. been eaten alive.” It slowly lifted and fell over to “Unless you could have cut one side, making a good-sized yourself out of the side of the opening. The strong filaments, flower with your knife,” observed not unlike the arms of a devil Adams. fish, Adams thought, were no “What ! And killed the plant I longer in uneasy motion. They raised with such pains?” ejacu- had released their grip on the lated the professor. “Spoil the professor’s legs and body. largest Sarracenia Nepenthis in The spines which had pointed the world? I guess not. I would downward, holding the plant’s rather have let it eat me.” prey, now became limber. “I think you ought to call it Adams leaned over. He reached the cannibal plant instead of the down, grasped the professor by pitcher plant,” suggested Adams. the feet, and, being a strong “Oh, no,” responded the pro- man, while his friend was small fessor dreamily, examining the and light, he pulled him from the flower from a distance to see if tube of the flower, a little dazed any harm had come to it. “But from the fumes of the chloro- to punish it, I will not give it any form the plant had breathed in, supper or breakfast. That’s what but otherwise not much the it gets for being naughty,” he worse for his adventure. added as if the plant were a He had not reached the water child. at the bottom of the tube, which “And I suggest that when you fact saved him from drowning. feed it hereafter,” said Adams, “Well, you certainly had a nar- “you pass the beefsteaks in on a row squeak,” observed Adams as pitch-fork. You won’t run so he helped the professor down the much danger then.” ladder. “That’s a good idea. I’ll do it,” “I did,” admitted the botanist. answered the professor heartily. “If you had not been on hand I And he has followed that plan don’t know what would have hap- ever since. the end

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sets their theories. In this tale of a man who

loved, perhaps not wisely but too well, you’ll

find humor, pathos and a vital moral.

NCE there was a man who The physicists, however, didn’t O loved people. Really there believe anything they read in the was. And he really loved people. Chansons Nationales et Popu- Due entirely to the tender force laires de France. They didn’t be- of his affections, day and night lieve what they saw in the works were shortened to four hours of Lewis Carroll, either, or W. S each, and the whirling of this Gilbert, or even Miss Alice Mary pocked and petty planet became a Smythe (compiler of the Oxford puzzle to physicists. For love, as Dictionary of Quotations). In- you may find in Volume II of the stead, they preferred to believe Chansons Nationales et Populaires only what they could prove de France, makes the world go meaning, naturally, only what round. (There is normally just they could make other people like enough love for one complete spin themselves believe, with a mini- every twenty-four hours—that is, mum of trouble. of course, the ordinary sort of These physicists, disbelieving love people bear toward other in the very idea of love, were nat- people who have neither injured urally puzzled by the rotatory ec- them and created a feeling of dis- centricities of our globe. As a like nor, much worse, helped them matter of fact, a paper published and created the intolerable feel- in the Semi-Weekly Journal of ing of obligation.) Modified Surprises for Physicists

123 ,, under the title of Rotatory Eccen- of fact, directly after seeing his tricities of Our Globe consisted paper in what passed for print of practically nothing but puzzle- among the learned societies. He ment, and thus became the first became prey to the phenomenon paper published in that August of externalization. volume which failed to offer at Psychiatrists tell us, on virtu- least two solutions for any prob- ally no provocation (and even in lem under discussion, together long articles entitled The Phe- with a soothing assurance of how nomenon of Externalization') complex (but provable) every- that this particular dislocation thing was. may lead to all sorts of complica- The author of this unusual pa- tions. So it was in this case. per was a man of great standing Having written his paper (and, in the scientific community, and more importantly, having actual- he had four marks of identifica- ly seen it in a sort of print, being tion. His colleagues knew him, distributed to other physicists first, by a signal which he had re- like an inky and intellectual man- ceived from his parents, second na), Hattie, as he was familiarly by one inherited from a grand- known, had externalized his puz- parent, third by the gift of a dim zlement over the world’s in- and distant ancestor, and fourth creased rate of spin. Now, having by a brand which he had received none left, he naturally became (as an award) from a convoca- convinced that he had solved the tion of other physicists. These problem. If we asked them (and, four means of identification were, very probably, even if we didn’t) in order, James Syverson Hattie, psychiatrists would tell us that Ph.D. Furthermore, though he such delusions can be highly dan- was only twenty-seven years old, gerous, and not only to the per- he was reputed by his colleagues son who provides them with food to have the brain of an eighty- and lodging. year-old man. He was better at proving things than most physi- HE problem continued to wor- cists, and he could find even more Try other physicists, and Hat- unlikely things to prove. tie’s cheerful assurances that all The brain of an eighty-year-old had been solved were no help to man, however, inside a twenty- frayed nerves. While his col- seven-year-old body, is prone to leagues spent hours at their desks dislocations and disturbances. working on applications for new James Syverson Hattie, Ph.D., Government grants which would fell into the trap of a most dis- allow them further to study mat- turbing dislocation, as a matter ters, Hattie passed his time in

124 FANTASTIC developing new theories of air re- beard of the head of the delega- sistance through the use of paper tion, and that personage plucked airplanes, or chinning himself on the airplane out and frowned at it the railing round a local Beva- as if it had neglected to hand in tron. its homework. When the floor of his labora- “We wr ould like some proof of tory was entirely covered by pa- your assertion,” he said then, ap- per airplanes resting after one or parently to the airplane. another flight, and when Hattie’s Hattie felt a strange sinking chinning-record reached forty- sensation. But he rallied bravely. seven, he was visited by a delega- “Proof?” he said. “Certainly. To- tion from the State University, morrow.” where physicists put out to pas- The bearded physicist looked at ture were enabled to teach young- him sternly. “Tomorrow?” he er physicists how much was asked. known, and how little anything Hattie nodded. “Tomorrow,” he not known mattered. The delega- said. tion was in a highly irritable The delegation wheeled round state, and were not soothed by and left. After a second, and with Hattie’s confident smile and hap- an air of ineffable disgust, the py welcome. bearded physicist returned, “Dr. Hattie,” said the head of dropped his paper airplane on the the delegation, a physicist with a floor, and went away again with- long white beard and an expres- out a word. sion of insufferable wisdom, “we * # * understand that you claim to have Hattie sat alone for many solved the problem with which we hours, lost in thought. He knew, have all been faced. I refer,” he he kept telling himself, that the went on, so that there might be problem was solved. But, try as no mistake, “to the revolution of he would, he couldn’t think of the the earth upon its axis.” solution. And unless he could do Hattie picked up a few paper that, how could he assemble any airplanes and looked at them re- proof ? There was, after all, noth- flectively. “The revolution is ing definite to prove. dead,” he said in a sunny, pleas- At last he came to the conclu- ant voice. “Long live the revolu- sion that a disturbing factor ex- tion.” Then he began to sail the isted. That, he realized with re- paper airplanes at the delegation, lief, was all that could explain which refused to catch them and the gap in his mind where, he attempted to evade their trajec- was perfectly sure, a solution tories. One caught in the white should have been. (Of course we,

LOVE STORY 125 who know better, can see in this cians mystified and other physi- an inexorable working-out of the cists disproved. But the case of a laws governing the phenomenon man who simply sat down and

of externalizations : the subject is loved people seemed a little spe- convinced of the reality of his cial. own thoughts and seeks external In the end, there seemed only justification for them. Hattie, one thing for Hattie to do, and so

however, being inside the phe- he went and did it. nomenon, had no idea it was He shot the man who loved there, and we can feel only pity people. The man died quickly, for so deluded a creature.) due to Hattie’s immense knowl- The disturbing factor, obvious- edge of such physical devices as ly, was the man who, according to revolvers. When the man who such unscientific persons as Lew- loved people died, he was still lov- is Carroll, W. S. Gilbert, the ing people. He wr as even loving anonymous compilers of the sec- James Syverson Hattie, Ph.D. ond volume of the Chansons Na- Unfortunately, Hattie never tionales et Popularies de France really had a chance to see if the and Miss Alice Mary Smythe, disappearance of his disturbance was responsible for everything: resulted in the discovery of a the man, in shoi’t, who loved peo- definite solution. These things ple. (as he told the bearded physicist) That much, Hattie told him- take time, and he wanted at least self, was quite clear. He said: a week to think matters out. “Hmm,” to himself several But he didn’t have a week. times, first in D and then in E- For three days after the man

flat, and then he announced in a who loved people had died, the loud, clear voice: “The thing to world spun on its axis—the ac- do with a disturbance is to get customed 24-hour period. rid of it.” Then, suddenly, the earth’s ro- Now, ordinary disturbances tational speed began to pick up were simple enough to get rid of. again. And soon it was spinning Students could be ejected, politi- as fast as before. Even faster. THE END

126 FANTASTIC : .

ACCORDING TO YOU would study the implications of (Continued from page 4) 4-D theory, it could end its aim- be.” The author has failed to dis- less floundering about in the fogs card the universally accepted fic- of mystery and get on with it. tion on which he has been Nat Rapport brought up. The fiction splits re- 150-88 87th Road ality in two parts—physical real- Jamaica 32, N. Y. ity and mental (non-physical) • Is anyone in 4-D rapport reality. Both psychologies, aca- with Nat on this? demic and para-, further sub- divide the theorized mental Dear Editor reality (consisting of nothing at Having just finished your all?) into images based on sen- March issue, I’ve decided that I sory-cerebral sensitivity pat- can’t hold my peace any longer terns, and ESP—images sup- and so I am writing my first letter posedly not sensory. to this magazine. Those science-fiction ideas can The following quotation is by be sensibly replaced by a theory H. L. Gold, speaking as an editor which seriously considers the full “. . . I can put aside any personal implications in Einstein’s concept conviction of mine for the sake of four-dimensional reality. of a good story, and insist that Briefly the theory is as follows. the story be true to its theme. “Mental imagery” is perception ‘Willing suspension of belief’ is (unitary or compound) by the what that used to be called. Jolt 4-D (four-dimensional) continu- that willing suspension into a ity of the physical senses, of peo- ‘Huh?’ and there is a story flaw ple, objects and events. In com- that needs repairing.” All this in mon with all items of reality, the reference to “Nine Starships genic connection between parents Waiting,” March issue. Now, this and child is eternal in 4-D contin- story had a lot going in its favor. uity. That, considered along with The story-idea was stunning, (I the direct arithmetical progres- dig these superman type stories) sion of the world population in- The plotting was good. But do you crease stemming from common know what ? The thing was all but ancestry, leads to this conclu- incomprehensible! It’s no fun to

sion : perceptions through the have to read and reread a passage senses of anyone, in the past, to keep up with the goings-on. present or future of 3-D surface And it’s a crying shame ’cause life, is available to anyone else Zelazny shows great promise. But through the universal genic-sen- he writes all of his stories like sory network. If parapsychology that ! Perhaps I have trouble with

ACCORDING TO YOU 127 —

his stories because I’m a leetle thick, but I prefer not to think so. The new This brings to my mind two things that disturb me about the Heinlein! new authors and the sf they are writing. First, there seems to be A master gf science fiction a trend toward stories seemingly winner of the Hugo Award written for and by idiots. Take is at his best in this thrilling and hilarious new novel. It’s Jim Harmon. Everything that I all about a danger-crammed have read by him reads like the space journey from Mars to above statement. The story ideas Venus in an age when each planet boasts a Macy’s and a are babyish or ridiculous and the Hilton! plotting is as bad. Some might PODKAYNE OF MARS contend that his stories are sat- ires, but if I want to read satire, by Robert A. Heinlein give me something like “The

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