Jack got up the morning after the big dance in a very cheerful mood. He whistled as he took a shower. But as he was eating breakfast he suddenly changed. He appeared to be thinking very hard and scowled, with his teeth clenched. "What's the matter, Jack, didn't you have a good time at the dance last night?" "Yes, I had a good time," he answered slowly, "but in the rumble seat on the way home the girl I was with said she was cold. I put the robe over her, and when she still said she was cold I lent her my coat. She didn't say anything after that, but I just happened to think -" - Pelican.
A "Billiard" shape Super-Grain Kaywoodie, $5.00. We had been discussing that peculiar function of the human mind known as memory. The guy on my left said, "Well, I remember when I first began to talk." The guy on my right countered, "Hell! That's nothing! I remember when I was born." I looked scornfully from one to the other and then said, "I've got you both beaten. I remember when I went to a New Year's Eve party with my father and came home with my mother!"
WHAT THE GIRLS OF ALL NATIONS SAY THE MORNING AFTER ISmoke Italian Girl: "Now you will hate me." Spanish Girl: "For this I shall love you always." a Kaywoodie" Russian Girl: "My body has belong to you, but my soul shall remain free." Wherever you go, you hear them saying German Girl: "After we rest awhile, maybe we go "I smoke a Kaywoodie' All over the world. There are good reasons for this inter- to beer stube, Jah?" national opinion. Swedish Girl: "I tank I go home." It is because of the briar-wood which French Girl: "For zis I get a new dress, oui?" Kaywoodie is made of, the way this briar- sho hopes dis changes yo luck." wood is prepared, and the way it smokes. Colored Girl: "Boss, I It comes from the Mediterranean. Chinese Girl: "Now you know it isn't so." There aren't many pipes made of it any English Girl: "It was rather pleasant, really. We must more. It is seasoned and cured with tem- don't you know." pering agents that permeate the wood. try it again sometime, Look for "Kaywoodie,' cut unobtrusively American Girl: "My God, I must have been drunk. on the stem of each Kaywoodie Pipe. What did you say your name was?" Always good-tempered, mild. Kaywoodie Co., New York and London In New York, 630 Fifth Avenue, New York 20, N. Y
"Reckon somebody told 'im the O.P.A .'s made pork 16 points now!" I i ii LETTERS TO THE EDITOR i ii
To the Editor: gated. From private sources, I hap- At midnight on the night of Tues- You and Phosphorus do a pretty pen to know that the internationally day, November 23 go to the drinking good job with that mag, I will admit. famous detective, ,(see clipping), fountain in the Esplanade near Har- BUT, why do you keep filling up the vard Bridge. back pages (and usually the front Have with you ten (io) dollars pages) with line after line of . . . well, ($io.oo). (Ordinarily I would ask ten I'll come right out and say it ... ob- thousand dollars in a case such as this; scenity? I don't mean just those short but it is my policy, when blackmailing, jokes you steal from other college to ask only what I think the victim - "humor" magazines, but the stories that's you - can barely scrape to- written by your staff, too. You guys gether by selling everything he owns can write funny without writing vul- in the world.) gar, can't you? Well, can't you? Jliri Do not inform the police. Another thing. Every time some- Do not bring anyone with you. body writes a letter like this complain- Do not try to doublecross me. ing about the level of your humor, you If you follow the above instructions, refuse to confront the issue. Enough of I will proceed to bump off -, the this beating about Robin Hood's hut. internationally famous detective, and How about it? Moreover ... you will be safe. A RADIATION LAB SUBSCRIBER. Otherwise beware. Ed. Note: Uh huh. Yours with all my maleviolence, G. B. S. George Bableman-Splotskopidos, B. S., Ii Vassar Street, Editor's Note: Welcome back, G. Cambridge, Mass. ad wie thought you had been caught in the November 21, 1943- draft. We do not doubt the mercenary Phosphorus, sincerity of your offer, but we think we Voo Doo, can crawl out from under by our own to all those who 303 Walker Memorial, is rapidly gathering proof that y'ou power. Parenthetically, Cambridge, Mass. are the culprit in the Oakes murder. do not know him, G. B. S. was the occu- Dear Sir: Unless you wish to be electrocuted for pant of Hayden 613 in pre-war days, Enclosed herewith please find evi- your brutal crime, follow these in- and the clipping to which he refers is dence that your sins are being investi- structions precisely: further explained in the VooDooings.
Voo Doo THE M. 1. T. COMIC MONTHLY
Published by the Senior Board for the Students of Entered as second class matter ot the the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Post Office at Cambridge, Mass. Office: 303-304 Walker Memorial Cambridge, Mass.' Published monthly from October to May Subscription $2.00 per year to Friday Office hours: I to 5:30 P.M., Monday Board Member A. C. C. E. Copyright, 1943, by the Senior 2 0..dit M-I-T
Co6p Barber: "You say you've been here before. I don't remember your face." HOT EL: Student: "Probably not. It's healed GARDNER. up now." Uwe
"Afraid?" Where you always get "Not if you take that cigar out of "The Best for a Little Lessl" your mouth."
Luncheons from 55c . Dinners from 85c
Conveniently located between Mass. and Symphony Subway Station. Plenty of FREE PARKING Space.
Figures may not lie, but girdles keep ;O9L ' a lot of them from telling the truth. snutRooms - The Log. for lagear11ie CO el11
HOTEL GARDNER ,MASS. AVE., AT NORWAY ST., BOSTON
"How bashful you are," a pretty His wife lay on her death bed. She pleaded: "John, girl said to a young man. I want you to make a promise. Will you ride in the same "Yes, I take after my father in that car with mother to the funeral?" respect." He sighed: "O.K., but it's going to spoil my whole day." "Was your father bashful?" - Frivol. "Was he? Why, mother says if father hadn't been so darned bashful, Id' be four years older." A FAMILY
STORE .~ ~ 1 '~' I think that I shall never see A girl refuse a meal that's free; A girl with hungry eyes not fixed Upon the drink that's being mixed; A girl who doesn't like to wear A lot of junk to match her hair; F Girls are loved by guys like me - For who in the hell will kiss a tree! CENTRAL SQUARE, CAMBRIDGE - Exchange. VOO DOO 6- w** -33 voo DOOL~
Henry lived in the suburbs, and FRUSTRATED ROMANCE - 1942 Lieut. Commander: "The man who every night travelled home by motor. I met her at Coney - we wus out on sneaked out of the Grad House last. One night his car stalled a little way the raft night and met a girl on the Esplanade, from town. When midnight came and She looked like Mazie - big fore and step forward. COMPANY, HALT!" he had not yet put in an appearance, aft his wife, worried, sent six telegrams to For two years I wooed her - his closest friends, asking whether About that goil I was daft. they had seen Henry. Next morning But before I could get her, she received six answers reading, I got the shaft in the draft. "Henry is spending the night with - Jacko. me."
Boss: "Late again!" Clerk: "Well, my wife-presented me with a baby last night." Boss: "She would have done a lot "What foah dat doctah comin' outa better with an alarm clock." youah house?" Clerk: "Come to think of it, that "Ah dunno, but I thinks ah's got would have been quite an achieve- A cousin of Siegfried Sassoon an inkling." ment." Once wiped out half a platoon - Urchin. - Urchin. By making them choke On a horrible joke Which he clipped from the Harvard Lampoon.
A tommyhawk is what if you go to sleep suddenly and wake without hair, there is an Indian with. -Log. I Served with table d'hote dinners or luncheons; He: "Do you know what virgins also Lobster, chicken, steak dinners. dream about?" She: "No, what?" Music at the Solovox -Green Gander. 442 STUART STREET . COPLEY SQUARE KENMORE 8333 Also on Worcester Turnpike - FRAMINGHAM CENTER
"Was your friend shocked over the death of his mother-in-law?" Air Conditioned "Shocked? He was electrocuted!" - Old Maid. "In Boston It's The Viking" f] =FLIIZLIZ
THE M. I. T. VOO DOO ESTABLISHED 1919
GERALD DENNEHY '44 KENNETH G. SCHEID '45 General Manager Business Manager
JASPER D. WARD Publication Manager
"TEMPUS FUGIT" BUT THE CAT REMAINS
from a stupor IT was three days after the gone but not forgotten Junior Prom that we finally roused ourselves 303. The atmosphere and garnered sufficient energy to move our corpse from the basement of Walker to that haven, sat the cat, not in his lately calm and at the office was far from tranquil as we poked our head through the door. There looking down on us with an air of serene attitude, but more like the feline of old, his proud and haughty countenance disgust. animation within This was the old Phosphorus, the stately animal who had of late become more an impersonal you guys said that gang downstairs was all the office walls. As we stretched out on a desk, he turned toward us. "And start giving out dishes with your future through. After their performance the other night I would say that. you'd better issues." to For a minute we stared in wonder at this cat, the unholy creature which had for years made life interesting in your boys; let's take a look at the record. It many Walker janitors. "Cat," we said, "you seem to have lost faith in the Institute, and it looked like wasn't long ago that Voo Doo was being investigated financially by every committee and Metzger the rag's financial position was such that your life as a useful addition to the campus was about over. Spitz right along with a halfway decent magazine took care of things, however, and for over a year now we have been sailing with The Tech." and a hell of a better financial outlook. Now stop bitching about that episode Phos was slightly taken back by our righteous defense, but with a deft movement he leaped from his original perch you and all that, but stop patting your own to a new position atop the ceiling globe and continued, "Okay, I appreciate outfit seems to be existing on its so-called back. It might be better for you to do a bit of salvation work for The Tech; that at the. Statler the other night, they tell me that reputation. Why, even though those guys pulled a fast one on you down still being made that they are they had to give half of their copies away. And that masthead of theirs, with mention a dead bird for over a year, that masthead should 'publishers of Vu, the M. I. T. Pictorial Magazine.' Good God, with Vu have a solid black line surrounding it!" Then he cocked his head And so the cat, sitting there proudly on his perch, had said his piece, as is traditional. at a different angle, and we knew what was coming next: "Well, this ends another volume - perhaps the best we've had in some time. Sure miss not having had Ward, Harjes and Root around for all eight issues; those guys certainly were helpful. Losing those three made it all the more important for the rest of the mob to pitch in and take care of their work. You ought to be damned glad that you've got a good number of hard workers." The cat again surveyed the situation and since it was obvious to us that he was doing all the talking, we let him continue: "After this issue, go take a nice long rest down at Jakie's. Every year at this time the old boys worry like hell about me and the rag; but forget it, the crew coming in will take good care of this dissipated feline. Just make sure you tell them to apply for my special liquor ration when that valuable item starts being handled by OPA. That's all, son; now blow." As we left the office the cat assumed that haughty position again, and as the door closed we knew that things would be normal, with the proud Phosphorus still holding sway in 303 Walker Memorial.
PHOS is proud and happy to announce the election of the following men to the Senior Board of Volume XXVII of Voo Doo: General Manager, Kenneth George Scheid, '45; Managing Editor, Raymond Wilding-White, '4S; Business Manager, Cortlandt Fisher Ames III, '45; Senior Advertising Manager, John Thomas Cooper, '45. '4 I,
JUIRBOARD
R. WILDING-WHITE '45 KENNETH SCHEID '45 THOMAS COOPE 45 Literary Editor Make-Up Editor Advertising Manager
CORT AMES '45 THOR STROMSTED 45 F. MAx GRrrun '44 Circulation Manager Assistant Make-Up Editor Art Fditor STAFF ASSOCIATES
MAKE UP: PETER SCHWAB '46, LITERARY: CURT BECK '46,. BER- CIRCULATION: JAMES MILLER '46, ROBERT BEGLEY '47, ROBERT BER- NARD DUFFY '45, PAUL GRANT '46, EDGAR ANDREWS '46, ROBERT CULLEN MAN '47, JAMES CINCOTTA '47, WAL- ROBERT ADAMS '47, RICHARD ADLER '47, DAVID KINGERY '47, RICHARD TER KISLUK '47, HAROLD MORGAN '47, '47, ARTHUR BORG '47, STUART FAR- KRAHE '47, JOHN MARR '47, ROBERT JOHN NEFF '47, VERNON TURNBURKE NUM '47, EDWARD FERRENTINO '46, ROME '47, DONALD WAHL '47 '47, WILLIAM ROBERT WHITEHILL '47 WILLIAM HOSLEY '47, TREASURY: JAMES BRAYNTON '46, KRUDENER '47, THOMAS MELL '47, JOHN BOWEN '47, ALAN SANDS '47, '47, THOMAS ART: DIEGO CARBONELL '45, GER- JAMES MCFADDEN ARTHUR SCHIFF '47 MCNEARNEY '47, EDWARD POWSNER TRUDE SHUIT '47, CHARLES AJEMIAN ADVERTISING: HOWARD AUERS- ;47 '47, REYNOLD GAMUNDI '44, ROBERT WALD '47, EDWARD BACON '47, ROBINSON '46, WILLIAM SEMPLE '47, PATRICK COLVAN '47, RICHARD WHITE MAcARTHUR WALCH '47 '47, CLIFFORD WOODS '47
A- kmwmmmnmm 6
"Is that fellow over there a man or a mouse?" "He must be a mouse because his gal had her dress pulled way up over her knees for him last night."
Father: "I never kissed a girl until I met your mother. Will you be able to say the same thing to your son when you are a married man?" "Stop flicking those Son: "Not with such a straight face fans! as you can, Father." I can't light my Sir Walter Raleigh" Dutchess NOTHING BUT FANS whenever smokers try this suggestion: clean your pipe regularly, and keep it filled with mild 'n' mellow Sir Walter Raleigh. After your first puff of fragrant Sir Walter, you'll know in a flicker that it's extra mild, extra choice, extra cool. Try "the quality pipe tobacco of America."
SIR WALTER Big Business Man: "Any rags? Any old iron?" RALEIGH Hubby: "No, nothing for you. My PIPE TOBACCO BUY WAR wife's away. " STAMPS B. B. M.: "Any old bottles?" AND Smokes as sweet as it smells BONDS
UNION MADE
"Well," said the waiter in the shack to the student who had just had his seventh cup of coffee, "you must be very fond of coffee." "Yes, indeed," answered the student, "or I wouldn't What is ethics? Well, I will show be drinking so much water to get a little." you. Suppose a lady comes into the Duke 'n' Duchess. store, buys a lot of goods and pays me ten dollars too much when she goes out. Then ethics comes in. Should I CIGARS - CIGARETTES - CHOCOLATES or should I not tell my partner? - Ranger. Everything for That Party Fennell &. Company, Inc. ESTABLISHED 1878 Imported and Domestic Ales, Wines and Liquors FREE DELIVERT SERVICE There was a young lady of Trent OPEN DAILY 8 A.M. TO 11 P.M. Who said that she knew what it meant When men asked her to dine - Across the Bridge at Commonwealth Avenue Gave her cocktails and wine. Telephone 59 Massachusetts Avenue She 'knew what it meant - but she Boston, Mass. Kenmore 0222 went. - Frivol. HOLIDAY HANGOVER 8 6 % M IT
S
A$d I
THOSE little anonymous voices the Grad House for the occasion, tion on the aforementioned square, Dr. whispering in our ear lately almost crashed through a few preliminary Jordan emerged a disillusioned man. had us convinced that there isn't room bars and stepped off, leading row on To quote the Traveler's cryptic re- at Tech for both the ASTP lads and row of resplendent khaki past the port: "Myth of Masculinity Dis- the V-12 brotherhood. However, we reviewing stand to the stirring tune of pelled, Says New Radcliffe President " can now confidently refute all insinu- "Anchors Aweigh!" ations of discordance in the ranks. On WE hear from our reporter over- the contrary, the boys have proved SINCE the boys from the Square seas that the turf in a cemetery that they can click it off like con- (Harvard, not Scollay) insist on stick- 'somewhere in England" has been pul- demned axe-killers on the eve of the ing their necks out month after sating rapidly for the past few weeks, hanging. Why, it was only the other month, we shall have to go right on which has been causing the English evening that we saw the blue and the swinging the cleaver on it. This time public no end of grief. We of Voo Doo khaki co6perating to attain a common they have perhaps unreeled a few believe that we have found the cause objective in the form of four young inches too much spine, and must ex- of it all. By some coincidence, this is femmes de building 24 grouped about pect to lose their heads altogether. The the cemetery in which the famous Sir a coke at the lounge bar. But the whole thing came out in one of Bos- Isaac Newton is buried, and our sus- final blow to our morale-mangling ton's more reputable rags the other picion is that the poor fellow is turning rumor-mongers was struck on the af- day. Dr. Wilbur Kitchener Jordan, over in his grave due to something ternoon of the Army's recent regi- new president of Radcliffe, was to that happened recently in a 2.01 class mental dress review. Came the big make his inaugural address before at 'Iech. moment. "Pass in review!" bellowed students and alumnae of several New The poor professor was going off on -a voice from the stand. Simultane- England colleges. After surveying a tangent from F = ma to show how a ously the Navy band, borrowed from conditions at Radcliffe's sister institu- body was accelerated up a plane when a hand shot up in the back of the room, and a serious voice was heard. We know you won't believe this, but we'll swear on a stack of Voo Doo's that this poor boy didn't know that F = ma.
BUILDING TWO has seen every- thing now. The chalk-flinging fresh- man, and the secretary-stalking sopho- more are an old story in its dusty halls. But C. B. Woods' drama section could not be convinced that there was nothing new under the sun, even in Building Two, and 2-178 became the scene of something original in the way of destruction. The group was rehears- ing the last act of that inimitable VOO - 9
Roman farce "The Manaechmi," which involved a short struggle be- tween a mad twin and three slaves of the old school. "Let's put some real- ism into this thing," urged the Profes- sor. "Rough him up a little." The tiff was on. Back and forth across the room tumbled the battlers. Then came the cue "Exeunt, slaves." With a final chorus of oaths, the struggling figures wrestled their way through the door. There was a splintering crash as flesh met glass. A breathless slave regained his feet, plucking frosted glass from his arm, and gasped, "Why didn't somebody open that door first?"
SPEAKING of 2-178 brings to mind another episode that occurred a few days later, tickling the fancy of Mr. Baine's freshman English section. The back row brotherhood were speculat- ing on the missing glass before settling down for their regular tri-weekly nap, when two of those under-aged hecklers of the species usually encountered dur- "Buck up, men, the war can't last forever " ing MS drills galloped into the room. Unperturbed, Mr. Baines bargained hop is not without incident. It's a always been happier when they have with the interlopers, promising a pitched battle between the timorous, stayed at home and let their men do "laissez-faire" policy in return for timid, trusting Tech man and the the outside work. However, there are strict silence, but arbitration was in stubborn, scornful, senseless supply always some women who cannot see vain. The more fiery his oratory, the sergeant. To print all the incidents life in this light and who wish to make louder their derisive cries, until the which take place in the little room life for all around them easier and Professor cooly grasped a fistfull of would be to fill the magazine with happier by seeking their own careers. trouser in each hand and ushered them taboo tattoo. This is probably the Such are the young ladies who come to firmly from the room, locking the door best yet. Tech as coeds and whose antics are a for good measure. He had hardly It seems one freshman wasn't get- continual source of interest to all those turned back to his already yawning ting such a good deal. The coat sagged, around them. class before the duo were scrambling the pants dragged. It was really drape One such specimen recently set a in through the pane-less window. The shape. But worst of all, the outfit was class in aeronautics into convulsions. philosophic contemplation of E12 was old - horribly old. Knowing there The professor was explaining that given up for that day. The frosh just was little that could be done, but not when a propeller reached the speed of couldn't seem to concentrate. wanting to leave without lodging a sound, it created a loud hum due to complaint, our freshman sauntered the vibration. He then asked if any- over to the sergeant. "Sir," he said one in class had a suggestion as to how decorously, "I'm really not complain- to get rid of the EVERY year about this time, the noise. Our coed, sober, usual aggregation of Tech men file into ing. I know this overcoat couldn't be and determined, raised her hand and the supply room to chase the potato anything but the newest. But when said, "Why, professor, just take the bugs out of the winter M.S. uniforms. you find a note pinned inside bearing propellers off." They enter the abattoir as proud the inscription 'George Washington civilians, but emerge a motley crew of slept here' it sort of makes you stop PHOS has the perennial pleasure of ill-fitted, ill-fated rookies, resplendent and think." welcoming two new contributors this in blue lapels and brass buttons. This month. Lieutenant Canfield came metamorphosis from civilian to bell- HISTORY has it that women have through during a Naval Organization 10
IT seems that Bob Ilfeld, president of the M. I. T. Bridge Club, and Paul Slepian, the Bridge Club's star player, wandered into the Cavendish Club in search of a little enjoyment a few days ago, and there they met two dear, sweet, little old ladies. The ladies asked the boys if they would like to play a short game of bridge, and our down-trodden followers of Culbertson naturally replied in the affirmative. The foursome played for small stakes just "to give the game a little inter- est," and when bedtime for the two dear ladies rolled around, they left the club with $6.75 apiece of the boys' hard-earned money. We hang our heads and weep mournfully for the M. I. T. Bridge Club.
"But you said you were Free French!" WE of the Voo Doo staff have always prided ourselves on producing class while explaining the meaning of few moments in which to acquaint a magazine notable for its purity, the phrase "S.O.P.A." Maintaining himself with the broad trends of cur- aplomb, frankness and savoir-faire. his usual poker face, the lieutenant rent history, as written up in the pa- Of course, we must admit that at times elucidated "Senior Officer Present pers. Oh yes: the incident. Well, it there have been minor objections to Afloat," and then after a moment's seems that during an E 12 class the our points of view, petty annoyances reflection, added, "... or Ashore, as other day, one of the Freshmen was with our jokes, and even faint doubts the case may be." asked by the instructor to explain the of our youthful naivete, but these we Professor Evans made the best of a word "statutory." Confidently, the have borne quietly in our hearts bad situation during a thermocouple youth replied, "It means under age, knowing that, in spite of what some demonstration that required the use sir." may say, our magazine is definitely of a Bunsen Burner. After he had the au courant. In the average Ameri- instrument carefully placed, its flame can home the word "voo doo" has suddenly backfired into the base. He THE professors of the English De- become synonymous with the finest in gazed long and reproachfully before partment have a very annoying habit humor magazines; to countless mil- remarking in acid tones, "That's the that takes a good bit of the fun out of lions, the magic letters v-o-o-d-o-o-o invention of a chemist, isn't it?" life at Tech; they insist on taking have spelled reading enjoyment for attendance. Much as we enjoy Eng- the whole family. But now with un- lish classes, we feel hurt because the believable stupidity, one of our larg- AN incident has recently come to department can't trust us. So it was est Boston tabloids has threatened to our attention that serves only to with great amusement that we wit- upset this whole idyllic state of affairs strengthen our unshakeable belief that nessed the following incident during by using the word "voodoo" in its modern American youth - even that one of Mr. Leggett's E12 classes. most archaic and obsolete meaning motley segment of it that has been The instructor was in no mood to -that which Mr. Webster affixed to drawn in by the long tentacles of Dean call the roll, and he hit upon the bril- it so many decades ago. Yes, with one Thresher's office-is never completely liant idea of first counting roll cards terse headline we have been placed in oblivious to the world about it. C'est la and then counting noses. When his one very uncomfortable and embar- guerre, perhaps, or more likely, just tally revealed one too few noses pres- rassing position. Imagine our chagrin ordinary human curiosity; but even ent, he flashed a triumphant smile when we read on inside headlines - amid the humdrum existence we are and uttered the brilliant words, "All "'VOODOO' IN SLAYING OF SIR all leading, everyone seems to find a right, which one of you is absent?" HARRY OAKES?" Betty Hutton is our selection for this month. When Phos saw her picture, he decided to go to Hollywood and Paramount Studios, and it took us two hours to convince him that the trip was beyond his financial means. She is featured with Bob Hope in his latest comedy "Let's Face It." We admire the cat's taste, don't you? 12 Na k_1_dW M - I - "J"
A CHRISTMAS CAROL mine. They'll show you a gruesome time, but it is your only chance to escape my fate." She rattled the Any relation to the well-known story chain and belched. "Excuse me. by Charles Dickens is purely intentional. Tomorrow the first Spirit comes. It's name is Jake Wirth Spirit of Christmas Past, of innocent child- hood!" She backed toward the door, and tripped on her snood. It fell to the floor. Blushing, she hastily van- ished. Stooge awoke. Already it was the appointed time. Crawling from his crevice in the wall, he beheld a strange figure, the spirit Wirth! It was -n old man with the face of a child, streaked with lager and reeking of ale. A glow of ruddy light shone from its nose. Taking Stooge's hand, it croaked, "I am the Spirit of Christmas Past. Come. Time is short." They sped off into the night, the spirit passing easily through solid walls while Stooge fared not so well. Battered and MARLEY was dead. There was no face in its place! "No, no," he whis- bleeding, he sensed that they had doubt whatever about that. Marley, pered, "not Frank Sinatra!" The paused by a pleasant little hut Stooge's ancient partner, had been apparition was gone. situated four feet below high water dead seven years. Too much absinthe Stooge entered and locked the door. mark on the Thames marshes. "My and vodka had done for the old boy. Descending four flights of slimy stone old home!" he wept, "Look, my Stooge himself had attended to Mar- steps, he groped blindly into his mother is frying seaworms over the ley's last wishes - had him embalmed bedroom. As he sat munching a candle! It must be Christmas! Yes! with Schenley's and laid to rest in midnight snack of powdered clamshell There's sister wading in the mud the largest vault of Westminster gruel and sipping warm blood, a beside my old bed. Oh, those happy Brewery. sound of clanking and rattling reached days! " But the spirit pulled Stooge "Bah!" cursed Stooge, as he his ears. "Humbug!" he rasped, load- up and on. They stopped after a pro- knocked over a young carol-singer ing a trusty musket with old muffins. longed flight, Stooge wiping the grease and trod on his face with hob-nailed The eerie sound grew louder; it passed from his eyes. They gazed into a boots. It was Christmas Eve. The through his bolted door and was in brightly lighted warehouse. "Another night was cold and foggy as the old the room! Stooge saw through dilated Christmas!" Stooge marvelled, miser made his way home. He eyes a weird luminous figure. "Mar- "There's old Fuzzybug . . . of course! hummed the chorus of a vulgar ditty, ley's Ghost," he cried, discharging his This is where I served my time as gleefully thinking how he had fired weapon and hurling moldy olives, all apprentice grave-robber. Oh those his clerk, insulted his nephew, and without visible effect. The ghost, a merry celebrations we had! More strangled a new-born child during transparent but unquestionably vo- corpses than. .. ." The spirit Wirth the last few hours of this glorious luptuous blond clad only in a full- sighed hopelessly and jerked Stooge day before Christmas. He'd show length backless snood, rattled the off into the night air again. He landed 'em! "Christmas! Bah!" chain clasped about her perfect 17 several seconds later back in his com- He fumbled for his door-key as he waist - a chain made of old bell- fortable damp stone bed, and sleep stood on the steps leading down to clappers, radiator pipes, fire-tongs, claimed him immediately. the cheerful little abandoned sewer and a rusty steam boiler. Awakening in the midst of an ob- he called home. Suddenly Stooge "Humbug!" roared Stooge, "you scene dream, Stooge sensed that the stared. His blood turned to lumpy don't exist. Go away!" time for the second spirit's arrival was tapioca. The knocker on his front "Never!" spoke the spirit. "You at hand. A dazzling light suddenly door! There seemed to be a ghostly will be haunted by three cronies of filled the room, and Stooge perceived VOO DOO l.1.r 13
"My God! What have I done?"
a large stout figure sporting green the base of the skull, and all was face between his knees and vomiting. pajamas seated on a small mountain of darkness. "Oh, Spirit, tell me there is another thick succulent steaks, roast fowl, and It must have been hours later that way!" curried pigs' knuckles. "I am the Stooge regained conciousness. Lo! She shook the snow from her hair Spirit of Christmas Present, called by The third spirit had appeared. Wow! and answered, "No, you old reprobate, mortals Lobdell the Liberal," cried It was the blond, minus her snood unless you change your ways. You the apparition. "Shall we begin the and chain. She stroked his fevered are a desecrator of all fine things like fun?" Stooge was whisked away, his brow and burped sweetly in his ear. Christmas." purple robe flapping about his purple "I'm sorry, but the third spirit is Stooge clasped her thighs beseech- legs. This time their destination was busy with a class reunion, so I'll have ingly. "No more, Ghost!" he vowed, near at hand; Stooge found himself to stand in for him. It won't take "I'm a new man. No more murder gazing in at the window of his penni- long. I have just one thing to show and money-lending for me. Say I am less clerk's humble ten-room mansion you, the Christmas Yet To Come." forgiven!" She half-smiled, playfully just outside the city. "It's Bob She clasped him to her young body and wrenched his arms loose with a crow- Catsup and his family," he murmured, they sped rapidly up, up, and away. bar, and faded into a shapeless mass strangely softened. "And what do The snow was falling thickly when the of gelatin. you know! There's Little Ike, Bob's Spirit set Stooge down upon a little Stooge rubbed his eyes and sat up. lame son! It's the same lad I trompled grassy mound far out on a desolate He was in his own room! And the in the gutter. I hope he wasn't plain. A few wolves howled exultantly clock chimed nine o'clock a.m., De-. hurt." The family had joined hands at the sight of the blond, but she cember 25! "Why, could it have been and now shared lungs in a solemn coolly brushed them off. Meanwhile, a dream?" he pondered, yawning and Christmas hymn. "God bless us all!" Stooge studied an iron shaft protrud- scratching his hoary stomach. Throw- cried Little Ike cheerily, shying a ing from the grave, for a grave it was. ing a blanket over his ragged night- soggy dumpling at his father. "Ezra Stooge" read the grim legend shirt, Stooge dashed into the street. "Oh take me away," sobbed Stooge chiselled on the shaft. The old man's A few minutes later he burst into to the Green Spirit. "I'm a cad, a low, emotions gave way. "And is this how Bob Catsup's poor little home, knock- low creature." He felt a solid blow at I must die?" he yowled, burying his Continued to page 25
0 14 m M -I -T
MEMOIRS OF THE DE MARIJUANA MURDER men have just examined the body thoroughly and they find first, several of your fingerprints on Sir H.'s throat, second, the little finger of (No. 23 in a series of articles, "My Why, he couldn't have done it. Just Four Hundred Favorite Murder Cases," yesterday he nearly retched at the your right hand, which I notice is missing, by this well-known author.) sight of a little old flower woman that in his grasp, and third, striped ink on .... " he had pushed in front of a passing "Stop! You're trying to bluff me," ON the morning of July 8, 19-Y locomotive. He hates the sight of cried the Count, leaping from his the battered and charred body of Sir blood, I tell you." hammock, "I have a witness who can Hairy Hoax, multi-millioned English The old inspector patted her kindly account for my movements during the kumquat czar, was discovered nailed on the shoulder, threw his arms time you say my father-in-law was to the floor of his bedroom in his about her, and kissed her passionately. being murdered. No, not the Mar- palatial summer home on the Baha- "There, there," he murmured, "Don't quis! I mean Yascha!" man island of Nitznitz, world's leading cry, babooshka. Here, use this." "Yascha?" chorused the crowd. kumquat center. A hasty autopsy She gratefully dried her eyes on the "Not Yascha, our talking cat?" performed with a dull meat-axe re- dirty sock he proferred. gasped Cherry. vealed, however, that death had The next question he directed at a "Exactly!" leered the Count tri- resulted from internal hemorrhage of large greasy gentleman who had been umphantly. unknown origin. When I arrived, the police had already taken into custody the personable young Count Algy de On the stroke of three Friday Marijuana, son-in-law of the lamented morning the case got under way in late. As correspondent for Woop earnest. The courtroom was mobbed. Garoo, I immediately devoted myself The atmosphere was tense. The to the task of recording for a greedy judge was drunk. public every aspect of the investiga- "Call the prisoner," burbled a tion into this grisly crime. bailiff. Chief Michael 0. O'Rourkihan, The prisoner was put on the stand. Nitznitz's wily Scotch prefect of He was greeted by a shower of over- police, presided at an informal ques- ripe "House of Hoax" kumquats tioning at H. Q. in the back room of soaked in rancid bacon grease. Put- the local saloon. The prisoner and ting the prisoner back on the stand, all concerned had been assembled. the prosecution opened his case. It Removing a watermelon from an was full of curdled cream. inner pocket, the chief thrust it Attorney for the prosecution: beneath the eyes of the accused, Well? growling, "Have you ever seen this lounging on the office file, his plaid Defense: Objection. before?" pants rolled to the knees, and his feet Judge: Overruled. The Count nonchalantly flicked a in the water cooler. "Sapristi!" this Count: I was in my room alone boll weevil from the lapel of his tweeds, individual remarked apologetically, after returning from driving two and replied in an even tone that indicating his blistered digits. "You," young women home from the dinner belied his purple countenance, "Eh?" snarled the chief, "you were in the party. The time was about eleven The chief was baffled. Turning to house at the time. What's your or one o'clock. At that moment I a stunning brunette clad in a one-and- story?" heard a cry. a-half piece bathing suit who sat "Parbleu! Alors! Oui, I am the Prosecution: The deceased? next the Count, he grunted, "And you Marquis Georges de Vegetable- Count: The cat. It was Yascha. I are Cherry Hoax de Marijuana?" Gumbo, of whom the friend of the put on the light and let him in. He "Yes," she replied, coolly fingering venereal . . . ah par-don . . . venera- had been out with some of the boys her moustache, "Algy is innocent, I ble Sir Hoax I was. I myself alone and reeked of liquor. I can swear tell you. What if he did threaten last can prove that my good friend Algy is that he was not drunk, however, but week to bash daddy's brains out with innocent. For indeed . . ." just the victim of a prank. He told a 12-pound sledge, nail him to the "Save it," interrupted O'Rourkihan. me so himself. floor, and set fire to him? Everyone "Tell it in court tomorrow. Listen, Prosecution: He told you? (Prose- has those passing moments of passion. Count M., you're in a bad spot. My cution dropped his stein of beer in VOO DOO6 -r 18 voo DOO~4~~- 15
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amazement. There was a general You are the only man on Nitznitz Defense: Overruled, that is, I mean, scramble for several minutes. The who uses it! How ... objection! judge then resumed his seat, licking Count: Ha! That was not ink. Judge: You were right the first the foam from his lips.) That was striped oil from the hurri- time. The jury will consider, . . . Judge: He told you? cane lamp that hangs in the drive. Foreman of the jury: The jury, Count: Oh yes. He talks, you know. Old Sir H. probably spilled it on him- after due deliberation, brings in a Well, we chatted for fifteen minutes self when he filled the lamp before re- verdict of Not Guilty. (Here, the or perhaps two hours, and he left. I tiring. jury filed in carrying a large orange put the glasses away, brushed my Defense: Objection! verdict.) They also join unanimously tooth, and went to bed. Judge: What? in a rising vote of thanks to Count de Prosecution: How. do you explain Defense: Excuse me. No questions. Marijuana for the entertainment and the nine imprints of your fingers on Prosecution: Call the . . . damn it liquor they enjoyed at his expense Sir Hoax's neck? ... Yascha. last evening. Defense: Objection. (The cat trotted up to the stand, The trial was over. Judge: Overruled. *glanced nervously about, and began Count: Easily. Both my hands scratching at the floor.) are false. (He unscrewed both hands Prosecution: Here, here! Raise "But Chief O'Rourkihan," I at this point and held them aloft.) your right . .. er . .. one. Do you screamed, as we sat in his office You see, someone stole them at or swear.... imbibing Rum Fhrrsh, the popular about or shortly after that time. Yascha: Yeah. Say, Mac, where's native drink, three hours later, "Who They were returned later while I the head around here? (Yascha gulped done it?" slept. One finger was missing., and galloped stiffly from the room.) "Ah, my lad, only I know. You Prosecution: But the striped ink! Prosecution: I rest. Continued to page 26 16 Na IVI I -T
stair carpet, and (c) sold a congo PERSONALITY PETE native a sun lamp by explaining to him that the lack of electricity was no hindrance to his getting a good deep tan. SIDEVIEW OF THE MONTH One day, the usually practical Phi Kaps made the mistake of taking part in one of Quattrochi's little baseball pools. Before they could He started having a tendency stop it, Pete had taken over the toward a financial talent at an early money, property, and house mortgage age. At three, he kicked in his deaf of the Phi Kaps. There was nothing grandmother's uppers in order to sell to do but to pledge him, and so, as her a new pair of uppers. At the age Pete entered that worthy house, of five he heard that subversive there grew around Tech the famous agents were bootlegging guns to the saying "Never touch Phi Kappa for Indians and, equipped only with a money after a baseball game." pair of dice, he went out into the But enough of Pete the boss of the wilds and soon returned with all the Acme Financial Company. What guns and five hundred dollars in about Pete the Executive, Pete the I. 0. U.'s. Playboy, and Pete the Tramp? Pete His growth in the world of com- the Executive is an imposing figure. merce now proceeded by leaps and As star loud mouth of the I.F.C. bounds. After a short fling with a Executive Committee, he'A the guy to hock shop and a company for the blame for the water in the I.F.C. selling of gold mines, petroleum wells, scotch and the answer to the query, and the Brooklyn Bridge, he was "Where did the dough go?" Around invited to leave the fair town of the house, Pete is head of the Com- Pittsfield, and like most other tramps, mittee to Investigate Rushing Con- he finally wound up in the registration ditions in Other Schools (you think REGULAR readers of the New list of Professor Schell's Course XV. we're kidding), generally abbreviated York Times and the Hobo News may Since then, Pete has become the to C.I.R.C.O.S. or, as some wits would have noticed an advertisement that counterpart of the typical Course XV have it, the Ballantine Three Ring runs something like: "Are you weighed man. An adequate class cutter, he was Circus. down with troubles? Is your sex life accepted as a true XV when he Pete the Playboy is the fellow who bothering you? Do you want some- installed dictaphones in all his class has told so many B. U. girls about body bumped off? Then drop every- rooms, an idea which worked nicely up the little birds that there isn't a thing and come to us. We can to one day that the dictaphone in an sparrow left within a mile of the place. eliminate, fix, or make, anything, Eii class got stuck and bleated out But Pete is unlucky in his love life. anybody, any place, any time. The "Here, Sir" one hundred twenty For several weeks he will be madly Reliable Fundamental Acme Personal times in succession. trying to keep his three women apart, Service Company. All correspondence Naturally, Pete is an expert with then suddenly all will blow up in his to President Peter L. Quattrochi, 229 the shovel. He was not always aware face, and he will be found for the next Commonwealth Ave., Boston, Mass." of this talent. In fact, he only became month looking under park benches And this advertisement is far from conscious of it one day in Mexico for anything that will let itself be leading its readers astray. There is no when he was asked to pinch hit for a picked up. It goes without saying better fixer-upper than Peter L., as toreador. In the scuffle that followed, that anybody that gets into Side any fellow Phi Kappa who has lost the bull got slung far back into the View is one of the world's prime his shirt by investing it in one of Pete's fifty-cent bleachers, and Pete returned drunks. Pete's mother was frightened crackpot moneymaking schemes can to United States covered with glory by a cod and, for years he drank like tell you. Pete started his career in and volumes 4-6 of his little red book. a fish, only recently learning to use the mud flats of the upper Hudson Now fully aware of his capacity to a glass like most human beings. River at a point close by the Indian sling a line, he (a) slung up a wash Finally, Pete the Tramp is the typical infested Mohawk Valley forests, called line for his mother, (b) sold a woman course flunker of Course XV. He has Pittsfield, Mass. in a one-floor house twenty feet of Continued to page 27 VOO DOOL O- 17 "AND THERE WERE WISE MEN BRINGING GREAT GIFTS ...
To Jim Theodosopoulos - another syllable To Dutton Smith - a fire escape To the A.S.T.P. - Service overseas To Frieda Omansky - a little sex To Mimo Sponable - A John Warner To Harvard - Walt Swain treatment and a ten-foot slide rule To Deadhead Bedford - a real loco- To Dr. Compton and the Staff - six To The Tech - a dose of Ex-Lax motive cases of aspirin To Mary Jeffries - Lissajous figures To the M.I.T.A.A. - more seats in To Dean Thresher - a 19-year-old To Frank Fagan - a rum milkshake the front office deferred freshman To Paddy Vanderbilt - the National To Oscar - Congratulations To Dean-Pitre - Adler Elevators Debt To the Central Library - a subscrip- To Professor Sears -a new electric To Tom Brown - a Stetson to Voo Doo train To Al Bowen - a steady girl To Lenny Carlson - a commuter's To R. M. Baine - a lifetime sub- To Ed Ferrentino - a girdle ticket to Saratoga Springs scription to the Police Gazette To Frog Maurice - -an Alka-Seltzer To Bill Richardson - a real live To Mrs. Thomas - the heartiest To George Schutte - an Institute Mickey Mouse thanks of the freshman class Committee To Carroll Boyce - a big black cigar To Ensign Peek - a whip To Bill Boyle - a draft deferment To Mary Foley - a first lieutenant To Chief Gintoff - five years of sea To Ed Pung - a new cigar To Chi Phi - a beer barrel mana- duty To Dan Tiffany - a campaign To Dingee - a copy of Dr. Frank's ger new textbook To Pussy Pasternak - a 9.15 class To the Infirmary as a Whole - a legal To Alex Giltinam - a chin suit medical excuse To Red Bator - a green To Professor Wareham - a sure-fire To Voo Doo - Margie Hart for a sec- reaction retary To Professor Livingstone - a copy of To Chuck Carlson - two thousand Sears' lecture notes dollars To Slave-Driver - a torture chamber To the Dekes - a little life Morton To Prof. E. S. Taylor - a pack of To Willy Wise - Ruth matches To M. I. T. in general - Absinthe, stuff To Professor Magoun - a two-headed To Walt Swain - Murgatroyd Benzedrene, and all the other above penny To the Lehigh boys -Lehigh, and we neglected to give away To the Radiation Lab - some New they can have it York women To Bill LeLievre - other people's To the Cafeteria - a blockbuster scotch, rye, rim and Vitalis To the Armpit - a new W.C. To the Coop - a dumb-waitress 18 M-I-T
NEWS FLASHES OF THE DAY President Roosevelt held a secret tri-partite conference in Jakie Wirth's. Momentous decisions were reached which, President Roosevelt declared at a press conference, would have a profound effect on the miscarriage of the war. LONDON: Unofficial but usually reliable sources here reported that, according to a Swedish dispatch from a neutral country, a correspondent in Berlin heard a Rome radio dispatch that the Polish underground radio has announced the alleged suicide of Adolph Hitler. BUENOS AIRES: Living conditions returned to normal here as the administration changed hands only five times today. President-elect Marshall General Eusabio G. Vega y As most Techmen have little time to read the newspapers, Cornudo de la Perez, speaking before a spontaneous we have decided to present a brief report of the latest news of student assembly, announced that the free principles the world in the one periodicalwhich they do read. for which the Argentine stood would be preserved. The RUSSIA: administration also announced the closing of all schools, The victorious Russian armies forged ahead today on Congresses, Courts of Justice, newspapers, and that all fronts, Premier Stalin announced in a special order of the German Embassy would be limited to only i,ooo,ooo the day, capturing 7,450 towns and populated places words a day. including the vital pretzel stand of Ztsemtontszky, and TULSA, OKLAHOMA: killing 90,009 Nazis, and capturing one tank. The quad- In a local Republican convention, Wendell Willkie, 1940 ruple victory was greeted in Moscow by a salvo of 50,000 candidate for the presidency, declared that he would guns. The capture of Ztsemtontszky leaves the Russians definitely not run for the nomination in 1944. After dinner, only 7,000 miles from the key town of Pfmft and virtually Mr. Willkie spent the evening conferring with party threatens the Germans in Paris with encirclement, the directors, labor leaders, and businessmen. midnight communique announced. TOPEKA, KANSAS: ITALY: Wendell Willkie, ex-candidate for the presidency, Despite slush, mud, and old bottle caps, the Allied announced in a local dinner of the AFL that he would armies in Italy registered new gains up to .0005 miles in probably not run for the nomination in 1944. Mr Willkie the Caspeno del Prosato sector. General Sir Bernard L. advocated a closer world unity. In the afternoon, he Montgomery's veteran Eighth Army advanced virtually conferred at great length with the heads of local labor to the mud pond which constitutes the last ditch before the and the members of the Chamber of Commerce. last ditch before the last enemy line of resistance before BOISE, IDAHO: the last enemy line of resistance before the key town of Wendell Willkie announced that he might run for the Pastromi, main stop to the approaches of Rome. 1944 Republican nomination at a dinner given for him by ITALY: the local party headquarters. Air armadas of Liberators and Flying Fortresses WASHINGTON: roared out over the channel yesterday to plaster the Ruhr John L. Lewis, president of the United Mine Workers, peanut brittle center of Gemulich with 5,000,000 tons of Continued to page 24 bombs yesterday in a raid which is described as the worst of its kind on that center. The target was completely destroyed and huge fires which were still visible six miles As we sit in our office day after day receiving the plau- away were seen to rise for nineteen miles. dits of the marveled multitude, we sometimes feel that we CHUNKING: might be becoming over-enthusiastic about our product. At such times we take out the copies of the VOO DOOS In the first major drive since 1937, the Japanese armies that were printed back in the roaring twenties and im- inched their way forward along the Faing Sung River. mediately bend our head in shame at our meek and unpretentious efforts. For those were the days when the This drive is part of an attempt to force their way into the VOO DOO board turned out a magazine of really majestic Chinese rice bowl. (Crowded, isn't it?) proportions, and, therefore, in honor of those old timers who really knew how to make a lewd magazine, we present BOSTON, MASS. on the opposite page a reproduction of one of their cham- The State Department announced today that Premier pion covers. Joseph Stalin, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and 32 SHOT AT BACK BAY PARTY DANCE HALL WRECKED-MANY KILLED ORCHESTRA LEADER CRUSHED TORSO OF YOUNG FOURTEEN IN WILD STAMPEDE TO SAFETY GIRL INHAT UBO TE MORE HALF SHOT; CHARLESTON IS LIQUOR CRAZED ARREST SUSPECT POLICE HOLD PRETTY MODEL Authorities Believe Girl Was HINDU VISITOR BIMBOS BATHE CAUSE OF MESS STUDENT KILLS Brutally Killed By PREDICTS FALL IN BUM BOOZE Chuche Wil Hld pecal SELFTHENWIFE Park Maniac O AKBYI U OZ Churches Will Hold Special COLLEGE PROFESSOR HELD BACK BAY TOF. B. O'Grady Shoots Wife for Victims Hemenway Stret is Mildly Another outrage was added to the Prophet Laments Evil in Hub Performing the Black Stirred by Latest Bit ever increasing crime wave which is Latin Quarter After Bottom Last night to the primitive strains Of Atrocity now sweeping Back Bay, when the of Jerry Burls orchestra, the walls of torso of a girl, believed to be Yvette Investigation )etectives tonight conducted a raid his dance palace, 488 Huntington Ave- SEEK MYSTERY WOMAN was a hat box at 72 Peter- which baffled the police and is be- nue, crashed in utter ruin, burying seI hude St. tbormorning.bos Analysis SCORES GIRLS' NUDITY lieved to be the biggest vice expose severAl hundred merrymirr matermakers instheng nayi inweeks. in the Another crime was added to of the the girl's stomach Although detaits are being sup- escete woko oPol e etutinbigometserbes rusnhed to id long list attributable to poison 'tt O'rady to be- Jhab-e Wot-k predicted today Bay liquor, when Henri Q1 )een shot. that pressed because of rumors that prom- ietedbythedeattime nglme which shikn andy' withi thousand years the vacant minen-i liquor men were present, it is work oe destucpbeing brandishing buld amsae htmny artist models, ice l imb ro imb atreadyalead s te a n h e Ma n Page 6) ruins keBaysamagnicent bui sweptSHOW the ruins, of-the by then bygone in- aogtervlesandtore e gyf silently attest thr fugrant men, conductors and professors were Onlookers alleged that the first in- ag te whie i bet loulimb, -He likened the coming de- among the revellers dication they received of any danger completed s task, the maniac don S Wn to past disasters such as the Individual Bathtubs breakinge of ecr vndsof th"rsGas- peddi gown, which t dead -. of Baibylon, the burning of Sodom It is said that "as an I treasured in a coffee boxckn BAY CRIME a score of bathtubs . tie" as this danoe garden is called. Gomorra, and the great Chelsea filled with bootleg liquor were brought t een compiled from av He is quoted as follows: "The out earlier The great crystal canopy and flashing n the top of in the evening. The mod- their littl INCREASING I iuous young beauty of ' rev- els, clad entirely in the nude, electric sign hurtled to the side walk t then poured a tumbler reclined these night after night Ct silk- in the tubs, and offered straws to the has kept the contents from be- of gin ou, four gallon jug which hing, decapitating the aged flingin- worse, guests. The shooting is said to have door keeper dnd he atways with him and gi- paramours, herself demolishing four limossines parked bya last toast to started with two Technology Students a to crime," O' dum Taker >euous bhando ty, wasting quarreled over the ownership their ownmer while they Char-estoned aw enjoyed b t prom r self an- h'e as ce on the straw. As it was the last straw, ofthe a Bidingdosmect bui y c drank the lique to thr Id, nay, flinging modesty, shooting started. Alarmed neighbors Building inspector OtGrady charges where the pois( ed - city, chastity on the altar of plea- called the police station, but received matured batofh was aruestoteof destructio. re, will bring the wrath of heaven no answer. When the officers finally m sured beato o rlestonin ing to press, the e fiscal elentlessly upon this Godless, multitude. Profes Tgrecn of able to identify broth- burst in upon the scene, the guests iough for&e an B ridden quarter of the Hub." Mr. were rapidly passing out. (Continued nology susta a by (Continued on by / g ly on the wane Wokk is making a nightly study of on Page 79324, Cot, 14). pointing out the fac iodic Aurd , disorder and conditions in order to acquire material repetition of even t low LOVE CULT EXPO bnorea 1 732% a day fore a monumental acological tre- TECH will in time, if repeate tral t , years,__.,an-average COEDS PINCHED period of the strncture, to is BY JERSEY ' i. RAIL na It n be said foundati ork was performed gal- Free Love Floa shing in r su and t ing DRUGSTORERAIDED New Dating Methods Disclosed lantly by a score or more Tech fresh- e b r V S By Pouceman' Viane Badk yY Nmen,W V C oneSQUAD of Bshorn oiea' succeedediiac in re- Ar Cener e trieving the disembowled orchestra E e o leader's favorite piano. Early yesterday morning the e Of studentsamusements whoEalyetryevngPtomn E Mest d eenu Patroman of smoke from the welleknpwn Sid Bonton is Padlocked and ster behaving very strangely on Audu- SON OF LONENE WOLFW ner house in the F'enway. In ANCE 'IS Liquor Supply Con- bon Road. The car repeatedly stopped L nirhue 'tiFLfas that te"woy Ted'C ' IN DORMITORY BREAK o' ahes ere oatf ir ERONED fiscated tbnear by solitary the occupants, men, who, werew'ten seenspoken to diKo sduponte ot mofstx vu - shake their heads vigorously in the Girls Flee Terror hibitions of this back-to-nati con Street DRUGGIST HELD EVIDENCE ea the tto Tehoe Scar yet brought to tight. Oite StetD U GSTHLrVDN eealtive fnvetigato byeth oes bhlue-coat entcred brazenly, Raid As the first move in District Attor- fore endeavoring to pick up dates orth instantly minus his ney O'Grady's drive to close up all _orteir __so __nce Trench nortars were tinst hero- the bootlegging drug stores in the itvectives drove the reron ed the shop f ton a fr FINDS LITTLE SISTER ftoamous in horrr. uddnly baly three gallons of dill berry wine and frgirls. The (Continued on ity sue case labeled "Hair Tonic." The I U U O D enter their dormitory case will go before the Grand Jury E q re making their way up a ouples Monday fire escape at 3:30 A. M. Wednesday Back Bay Resia orners morning when the to stumbled Already Half E und DEAD GIRL ocewoman Leading Attack men to erond as far Discovers Younger Sister over' the recumbent -prnda a The fifth gave tih. Professor Mary E. O'Gr ie coul STARTLES STUDENTS In Clutches of Gang Commonwealth Av of the department of liree st. aptured, two fleeing figures eac d Skin Diseases at f whom were led out, and One of those little heartbreakg of aginary Lone Wolf ilege has decide' tie third havin one of the the loyal policewoman came to light to escape in their flim tian of the studf Policemen for a lIe-their Relations With Prominent Men ""'when Policewoman Helene One, Eloise O-Grady, close charge and of of i-ase will case wi i \ d on pa, ntic Auto- 's a detachment of her by the Son of the Lone Wolf, ha ative residents of rot. cl1. 10) \ romStation 16, broke presence of mind to wriggle out o that the continual lice Say W nt at 51 Queenstom her night gown, which she left in his at use of the bad gra r young sister a child grasp, as she ran across Harvard peculiar to the Back be fe Bridge to safety. practically embalmed af ATTEMPTS IDE these people. This fact en WHILE IN HTUB accomoliskd with a s r ktill 115/sni, NUDE BODY FOUND- d thby t ent of IN BACK BAY FF ~' reparing lum Bachelor Girl Ow ife To the s.n e .r- lasted ands bird ener d gei_- ants upon ryotor min- l A nudebWatchfulness of itor from the railling to the cruel rocks ions of the law. The little girl had foundomin '_ inderb below. Cries of "Here comes the Law" just laid down a royal flush, three fo u.T iu defeated of F ,,.T' tius Harvard HA 'wton were heard on every side and the the women were cursing violently as del oil malin high school to the tune o ,446 scenie was soon hidden from mobid they divested themselves of their last in larg on in in a bitterly contested the kandy kids by the -stalwart bluetoats. undergarments, the other. woman had the alcohol sold umed Stadiim yesterday. In t uar- Inspe-"-- 'f the broad's person re- just removed a heavy fur coat, two in the Back Bay is kling ter chzxkynorzzxxx but her, vealed In which appeared the of the men were removing their hats, h te ofi repaeentative1 ion ao live,ur bt coy t various thhrets Suc ob- signstn our most prominent par- one his undershirt, another had retired repr-esetti our best citizens m yet taining'vrostrasse her da-aghter" - to lor athl ad .cocktail wrestlers. A with becoming modesty to the oblivion den garb of Back Bay res- niarry the Duke-these - healthy with the guardians (I __ __-(Continued onpage .5) (ContinuedonPage6) (Continued onnext page) of the of a closet, and one was in the act of Z1 0 * ~ 0 ~S \) "0
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inYJi7Wi 'jIMA lIIJ~ 13 ~7dA.Y:f!ILwwiYII'IA Ivia "Know ye that it is not nice to vex me with this strange THE RAVING device, One small phrase would quite suffice " I most fervently implored. But Yehudi was so rude he took the shape of some Tech cutie ONCE upon a midnight dreary, I was bent, as usual And began to flirt with all the men who soon came in my weary, open door. Over a foamless half-filled, mug of my roommate's Who art thou? Art thou Lenore? Quoth the Gremlin - foulest beer - "Reputation" only this and nothing more. Vainly I had sought to cram, cram for every last exam, With all my work I still was damned, damned to flunk them all and now, Thanks to a drab and sexless female (she was but a mis- placed cow), I had flunked them all, and how!
Quite soon after, in the air, I suddenly became aware That a formless shape was resting and my fortitude was testing, Testing with a piercing stare from on top my study chair. In fright quoth I, "Intimidation is below my situation. Finally in desperation I took the subway to South Station, Please tell me the implication that comes from thy sitting Took a car marked City Square, and I never did get there. there." Though to some I seem a fool, I had to get away from Quoth the shape with some elation school "Reputation," so beware. Had to get away at once, for this thing got in my hair. For this gremlin, kept repeating, kept repeating and entreatmg These three words in accent rare "Reputation, so beware."
So soon after I was shafted, when my draft board had me drafted, Drafted to a life of work, a life I never did adore. And at last the shape was silent, gone at last his words so violent, Gone his "reputation" for this awesome word I hear no more. But now the girls that I go out with, when we kiss or long before Still repeat that cursed phrase - "Reputation, so no more."
Suddenly my Chem lab teacher, accompanied by my From this tale there comes a moral, one with which I village preacher, cannot quarrel, Climbed into a wooden bleacher which I'd never seen Sounds a moral, ringing loudly, ringing like the convent before. bell; And without a trepidation soon filed in my registration When out with a willing woman, if from Tech or if she's Officer accompanied by my landlord from the second floor. human, All turned eyes upon the shape from whose mouth came Or some silly old traditions have you in their time-worn ticker tape, spell: Please believe me, I implore! Unless your dreams be crowned with failure, listen now On it printed,. freshly minted, these strange syllables to what I tell: were four - Reputation, go to Hell! "Reputation," nothing more. -C. B. B. VOO DOO - ag
MURGATROYD
Murgatroyd is earning Xmas money ... and shopping. Here is Schizopodous V. Gunk. He is a Civil Service worker.
He has been working hard all d ay. He will be smooth. He will sweep Murgatroyd of her feet. Tabu was never like this.
encounter arouses h Her romantic er. But Schizopodous prefers his work. But Murgatroyd will persevere. She will give Gunk a present. 24 MM-I-T
OF THE DAY The English are a phlegmatic race. I was once week- NEWS FLASHES ending with an Englishman and his wife, Entirely by Continued from page 18 accident, I happened one day on the Englishman's wife in her bath. Making a hurried retreat, I immediately sought declared before the WLB that his demands for wage out my host, who was reading in his room, and proffered increases were not creative of inflation, since he only an apology. He brought his head up from his book and demanded a raise necessary to overcome the untenable regarded me for a minute. cost of living which, he asserted, had risen 15 per cent per "Skinny old thing, isn't she?" he remarked. bottle since 1941. - Pelican. WASHINGTON: WLB accused the WMC of blaming the administration for an attempt to thwart the Frennesi-Frennesi-Frennesi Bill of trying to defraud the OPA. WMC accused the administration of blaming the WLB of an attempt to thwart the OPA in its attempt to defraud the Frennesi-Frennesi-Frennesi Bill. A newly married couple went to New York to spend OPA accused the WLB of blaming the Frennesi- their honeymoon. A few days after their arrival the Frennesi-Frennesi Bill of an attempt to thwart the admin- groom felt ill and decided to remain in the hotel for the day. istration irf defrauding the WMC. His bride decided to do some shopping alone. Upon WASHINGTON: returning to the hotel, she realized she had forgotten her After a fierce debate in which Representative Joshua L. key. She took the elevator to the proper floor, but once Melrose of Massachusetts was shot to death, Congress there she became confused by the similarity of the doors of passed by a vote of 232 to 231 the V205 Bill, binding the room. Finally she was sure she had the right door, so them to vote on any bills to provide ink wells for the post- she knocked gently. war peace conference. "I'm back, Honey; let me in." No answer. She knocked a little harder. "Honey, I'm back, Honey. Please let me in." Still no answer. Surprised, and a little annoyed, she pounded on the door. "Honey, it's me, Gertrude. Please let me in, Honey." Pause. FOX and HOUNDS CLUB "Honey, please, Honey." Then from the inner recesses came a cold, dignified voice: "Madam, this is not a beehive; it's a bathroom." VISIT THE - Medley. Rhumba Casino
Meet Your Friends in the COCKTAIL LOUNGE After a lovely evening a trio of businessmen started to bid a lovely celebrity goodnight. Banquet Rooms for "Just a moment, where are you from?" asked the gorgeous girl of the first of the trio. Private Parties "I'm from the East, Madam," was the reply. "Very well; you may kiss my right hand." She turned VVV to the second fellow - "And where are you from?" "The West, madam," declared he enthusiastically and kissed her left hand. 448 Beacoh Street, Boston Next was our hero's turn. "And you?" she inquired. COMMONWEALTH 1622 "Ah refuse to answer, Ma'm," came the reply in a rich Southern drawl. - Medley. 25 VOO DOO6.Z P25 CAROL Two girls by the river were kneeling CHRISTMAS To disrobe, for the swim they were Continuedfrom page 12 stealing; SKIIS Ike into the blazing Yule ing Little Said the owl in the tree - Boston's best selection log in his rush. to be me? "How'd you like plus all the accessories "Merry Christmas!" he roared When the belles of the village are peel- to heartily. "Hah! Merry Christmas ing?'' Steel Edges Mounted - Judge. you all. Bob, I'm giving you a raise Quick Service retroactive to tomorrow morning!" Plenty of Ski Clothing Bob leaped forward, threw Stooge to Men's and Women's the floor, and the whole family belab- ored him with broken crockery and SKATES old vegetables. "Yes, it is a merry Christmas, after all," they sang gaily, SHARPENED pitching him out into the alley. And Freshman: "My folks are coming up NEW METHOD Little Ike, salving his burns with hot this week-end. They are bringing my HOLLOW GROUND FINISH gravy, observed, "Oh yes. God Bless girl and Snooky." MIRROR us Every One, damn it." Other Frosh: "Who's Snooky?" Equipment - P. G. Freshman: "Oh, that's the guy she Specialists in Sports Since 1870 goes with." - Bachelor.
BRINESHarvard Square only Trowbridge 4218
A Westerner entered a saloon with his wife and three-year-old boy. He IT'S NO JOKE ... ordered two straight whiskies. "Hey, Pa," said the kid, "ain't Ma drinking?" We Have GIFTS F rivol. For Your Entire Family MOTHER FATHER
"I say, Old Fellow, why on earth SISTER are you washing your spoon in that finger bowl?" k BROTHER "Do you think .,vant to get egg all And the GIRL FRIEND over my pocket?" -Scollie. Tech graduates who operate this store welcome you to the
Mistress: "You know, I suspect my husband has a love affair with his stenographer." CENTRAL SQUARE, CAMBRIDGE, MASS. Maid: "I don't believe it. You're Trowbridge 4427 only saying that to make me jealous." - Bachelor. 26 - C M -I . T
MARIJUANA MURDER Continued from page 15
see, he wasn't murdered at all. He suffered from insomnia, and took GIFT SUGGESTIONS several sleeping pills that night. Then he remembered the hurricane lamp and went out .to fill it, spilling the striped oil on himself. Reentering Compacts the house, he became conscious of abominable pains. His temperature Bracelets shot to 173. The oil burst into flame. He rolled upon the floor, put out the fire, but bashed his head on a lead Lockets doorstop. Yascha, the cat, heard the rumpus and found the body. In a moment of fun he removed the Book Ends doorstop, nailed the body to the floor, and planted the evidence of the Bantam Animals Count's hands, which he had stolen earlier as a practical joke. Yascha just confessed. Have another?" TECHNOLOGY STORE "Yes." I pushed my glass across the bloodstained desk. "But one PATRONAGE REFUND TO MEMBERS more question; what killed Sir Hairy Hoax?" O'Rourkihan replaced the padlock on the bottle before he replied. "Saliva. You see, he had inadver- Headline in Boston Globe: "My man," she said, "can you tell tantly swallowed, along with his sleeping. pills, fourteen dehydrated AUSSIES THROW TANKS me whether this is a female hippopota- AT JAPS mus or a male hippopotamus?" kumquats. . ." -P. G. Ye Gods! What Wellesley wouldn't Then the worm turned. The keeper do for men like THAT! eyed the lady coldly. His tone was metallic. "Madam," he said, "I don't see how that could interest anyone but a hippo- potamus." "People tell me I have a very beau- tiful chin." Definition of a chiropractor: A man "Was that any reason to raise an- who gets paid for what you get slapped other?" for.
From la France zair vuz vunce ze young man Zat got fraish on ze beach at ze Cannes Diner: "I know of nothing more Zaid ze Mademoiselle, exasperating than to find a hair in my "Who was that girl I saw you out "Eh! Monsieur! Vot ze hell! soup." with last night?" Stay away from vair eet ees not sun- Waiter: "Well, it would be worse, "You must be mistaken, I was in tan!" wouldn't it, to have the soup in your bed last night." - Frivol. hair?" VOO DO06Z e 27 vOo DOOL~-~ 27
Teacher: "Now, Johnny, if I lay SIDEVIEW two eggs over here and three over Continued from page 16 there, how many will there be all to- Eliot gether?" taken 2.ol so many times, he now has Johnny: "Personally, I don't think Flower Shop his own private armchair and cuspidor you can do it." corner of the classroom. in the - Pelican. Flowers for All Occasions But when all is said and done, Pete is first and foremost the business man CORSAGES - the guy who thinks money the root of all evil, therefore he takes root Our Specialty wherever he goes; the man who, for a Special few measly rubles, acts as human Service to Tech Students guinea pig and walks for miles and miles on end under the fake tropical Telephone: Keniore 6470 conditions of the war research labs, or who finds lost keys and turns He: "And I've got a gold medal for 87 Massachusetts Avenue them into the Super's office for a running five miles, an' one for ten Boston, Massachusetts dollar apiece. miles; a silver medal for swimming; Therefore, we point our finger with two cups for wrestling, an' badges for pride to the guy who takes our award boxing an' rowing!" She: "You must be a wonderful as the man most likely to pay off the He: "I feel as though athlete." I had known national debt, and the only guy who you for years." would think of trying it. He: "Athlete? I run a pawnshop." - The Log. She: "You certainly do." - R. W. W.
.5X..
"Willie!" "Yes, maw." * C~% "How many times must I tell you that cuspidor is to spit in?" X-~ I Hotel Page: "Telegram for Mr. j e Niedspondiavanci, Mr. Neidspondia- vanci!" Mr. Neidspondiavanci: "What ini- V tial, please?" X - Gargoyle. Vel
......
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X......
...... A girl likes a quick-witted lover be- cause she doesn't, want him to be slow XX XX. to grasp things...... - Mis-A-Sip. 28
And there was the freshman who Teacher: "If there were four cows Virtue is learned at mother's knee, moved out of a rooming house because and one bull in a pasture, and the bull but vice at some other joint. he heard his landlady was a sexa- jumped out, how many would there be - Rammer Jammer. genarian. left?" Sam: "There wouldn't be any left." Teacher: "Johnny, you know that's wrong." Sam: "Please Miss. You may teach arithmetic, but you don't know noth- Milking to music is achieving start- in' about cows." ling results in cow herds of Suffolk - Log. County Farm at Yaphank, supervisor He: "I could dance like this all says. - New York World-Telegram. night." She: "So could I, but I think the Best yielding songs are "The Cow- chaperones are watching us." Cow Boogie," "The Yanks Are Com- - Lehigh Bachelor. ing," "Mood Indigo," and "The Jersey Bounce." "What have you done?" St. Peter - Medley. asked, "That I should admit you here?" "I ran a comic," the editor said, "Of my college for one long year." St. Peter pityingly Admiral Byrd certainly leads a dog's shook his head, And gravely touched the bell. A little moron went to see his girl life. All he does is travel from pole to "Come in, poor thing, friend, he found her with only a neg- pole. select a harp, -Log. You've had your share of hell." ligee on. The next time he went to see her she had a little more-on. - Urchin.
ADVERTISING INDEX
Page
Brine's...... 25 I'm not so much under the aflu- Brooks Brothers...... 15 ence of inkahol as some thinkle peep. Brown and Williamson Company ...... 6 Corcoran's ...... 2
Eliot Florist...... 27 Fennell...... 6
Fox and Hounds Club...... 24 It was the first date. Harvard Bazar...... 25 "Cigarette?" Hotel Gardner ...... 2 "No thank you. I don't smoke." Kaywoodie Company ...... IFC "Let's go down and sip a few." "I'd rather not. I never touch BC Liggett and Meyers Company ...... liquor." M .I.T ...... IB C "Well, let's go out on the heights The Murray Printing Company ...... 27 for a while." "No, please don't. I want to go out 26 Technology Store...... and do something exciting, something Viking...... 3 new." "O.K. Let's go to the dairy barns and milk hell out of a couple of cows." Massachusetts Institute of Technology CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS
THE MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY offers the following Professional Courses: SCHOOL OF ARCHITECTURE Architecture City Planning City Planning Practice SCHOOL OF SCIENCE Biology and Public Health Geology Options: Biology Options: Geology Biology and Public Health Mineral Resources Public Health Engineering Mathematics Biophysics and Biological Engineering Options: Pure Mathematics Food Technology and Industrial Biology Applied Mathematics Chemistry Industrial Statistics General Science Physics Options: General Physics Applied Physics SCHOOL OF ENGINEERING Aeronautical Engineering Marine Transportation Building Engineering and Construction Mechanical Engineering Business and Engineering Administration Options: General Options: Based on Physical Sciences Automotive Based on Chemical Sciences Heat Chemical Engineering Materials and Design Chemical Engineering Practice Mechanical Engineering - Civil Engineering Co-operative Course Electrical Engineering, including Metallurgy Options: Illuminating Engineering Naval Architecture and Marine Electrical Communications Engineering Electrical Engineering - Sanitary Engineering Co-operative Course General Engineering
Each of the above undergraduate Courses is of four years duration, with the excep- tion of Architecture, City Planning, Biophysics and Biological Engineering, Marine Transportation, and the co-operative Courses in Electrical Engineering and in Mechanical Engineering, which extend over a period of five years, and City Planning Practice which covers a period of six years. In addition to the Bachelor's degree, the above five and six year Courses, with the exception of Architecture and City Planning, lead also to the Master's degree. Graduate study, leading to the Master's and Doctor's degrees, is offered in Ceramics, Meteorology, and in most of the above professional Courses. A five year Course is offered which combines study in Engineering or Science, and Economics. This leads to the degree of Bachelor of Science in the professional field, and to the degree of Master of Science in Economics and Engineering or Economics and Natural Science. The Summer Session extending from June to September includes many of the undergraduate subjects given during the academic year. For information about admission, communicate with the Director of Admissions. The following publications will be sent free on request: Catalogue for the academic year. Summer Session Bulletin. AND HERE THEY ARE... again in the cheerful Chesterfield Christmas Red- the cigarette gift that SATISFIES with the best in Smoking Pleasure. Copyright 1943, LIGGETT & MYERS TOBACCO Co.