Charity Week Hills alive Karate master She’s back A roundup of the week’s The Fellwanderers reach the One of the greatest living martial Our verdict on Bridget’s latest events at Wye, page 7 Lake District, page 10 artists visits Imperial, page 10 chapter, page 14

The student newspaper of Imperial College ● Established 1949 ● Issue 1305 ● Thursday 11 November 2004 ● www.felixonline.co.uk

Four more years Reaction to George W Bush’s College to election victory. Imperial ranked world’s uNEWS page 2 “The next four years of Bush’s presidency will effectively develop determine the state of the world’s economy, but whether 14th best university that is a good thing or not is vaccines anybody’s guess.” By Dave Edwards uBUSINESS page 3 Editor against Superbug scare Imperial College appears in Felix Science investigates the 14th place in a new list of the extent of the MRSA epidemic best universities in the world. biological and argues that much more Harvard University, in must be done. Massachusetts, took first uSCIENCE page 4 place by a considerable mar- weapons gin. Seven of the top ten Clubbing in the cold institutions in the list are Scientists at Imperial College “As the days get shorter, the American. are to help develop new vac- nights get longer. It’s now In the global rankings, com- cines in case of attacks by possible to go out, stay up piled by The Times Higher terrorists using biological partying all night, and crawl Education Supplement and weapons. home the next morning, with- published last week, univer- A team from Imperial out ever seeing the sun.” sities were placed in a table College and Hammersmith uNIGHTLIFE page 12 with points given for these Hospital has been award- key factors: findings from a ed $4.5m by the National Last week in sport survey of 1300 academics in 88 Institute of Allergy and Three football reports, plus countries, the amount of cited Infectious Diseases, part of news from rugby, hockey, research produced by faculty the US National Institute of shooting and all the week’s members, the ratio of staff to Health, to work on the vac- results. students, and a university’s cines against possible attacks uSPORT page 18 success in attracting foreign and new infectious diseases. students and internationally They will use state of the art renowned academics. technologies to develop new THIS WEEK Imperial is ranked fourth diagnostics and treatments News page 2 among UK universities, for anthrax. Business page 3 behind Oxford, Cambridge Dr Danny Altmann, lead Science page 4 and the London School of researcher, said: “Despite Economics. The only other many of the current possible Comment page 6 European university in the top bio-weapons having existed Around Campus page 7 20 is ETH Zurich, Switzerland, for many years, we only have What’s On page 9 in tenth place. a limited defence against Nightlife page 12 Mustafa Arif, President them. With the increased Arts page 13 of Imperial College Union, The South Kensington campus from above: part of the 14th best university in the world, threat of terrorism and bio- Film page 14 stressed the importance of according to a global survey undertaken by The Times Higher Education Supplement terrorism, it is vital that the College’s presence in we develop a much greater Books page 15 the world’s top 15 and com- graduate, to have the value of “However, there is a lot tutions, particularly given understanding of these bio- Co ffee Break page 16 mented: “It’s a good thing for their degrees recognised by of work to be done to catch the resources they put into logical agents including Sport page 18 Imperial students, when they employers across the world”. up with the American insti- teaching.” anthrax. This programme will allow us to develop more effective measures to protect the population in the event of an attack. £3.4m for nanotechnology at Imperial “At the same time, the research will also be of By Dave Edwards in which objects are designed we are ideally positioned to “The application of nanote- huge benefit in under- and built by the specifica- push forward the barriers chnology to medicine... opens standing new and emerging Imperial College’s Institute of tion and placement of indi- of this new field of science. up new possibilities for diag- infectious diseases, whilst Biomedical Engineering has vidual atoms or molecules or This collaboration will ena- nosing, preventing and treat- we carry out fundamental been given £3.4m by Advance where at least one dimension ble us to focus on combining ing disease and traumatic research into immunology. Nanotech, an American is on a scale of nanometres nanotechnology with other injury.” This fundamental research nanotechnology company, to (10–9m)’. powerful technologies such The Institute of Biomedical will also help to develop help develop the next genera- Professor Chris Toumazou, as tissue engineering to Engineering focuses on much more effective diag- tion of medical technology. Director of the Institute, said: make breakthroughs of great interdisciplinary research in nostics and treatment which Nanotechnology is defined “Given Imperial’s excellence social and commercial sig- emerging technologies for can be used for a variety of as ‘any fabrication technology in medicine and technology, nificance. human health and wellbeing. diseases.” Felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

NEWS [email protected]

Issue 1305

Editor Dave Edwards Four more years Business Editor Numaan Chaudhry Reading the newspapers so you don’t have to: Emily Gwyer looks at Science Editor Darius Nikbin how the national press responded to George W Bush’s victory

Music Editor An entirely black page, with America and towards Europe, hell of a beating”. Andrew Sykes two words in small type in the with whom we have far more The Times took a more centre: ‘Oh, God’. in common than an electorate grown-up line on the elec- Nightlife Editor Thus The Guardian greet- who believe their country has tion than most of the other Simon Clark ed the biggest news story of been ‘chosen by God’. newspapers, with the leader the past year, yet alone the Some papers were pleased urging Mr Bush to use his tri- Arts Editor past week. “Once is an aber- with the result, however. The umph to push for peace in the Paola Smith ration. Now it is an era... he Telegraph thought that the Middle East, which most pun- will be no footnote to history; result would “strike fear into dits agree is the most urgent Books Editor instead he is making it” said all enemies of America and issue currently facing the Martin Smith the paper, who admitted that the West” now it is clear that President. Tony Blair joined they “don’t like it one bit”, Mr Bush has support from the in that chorus, stating in his Film Editor and in that they were not on American public to continue first speech after the election Alan Ng their own. his task in the war on terror. result that peace in Palestine Sub Editors The Da ily Mirror devot- The paper urges Europeans was “the single most press- Zaina Nobeebux ed the entire front page ing political challenge in our Stephen Spain to one headline asking, “How can world; we must be relent- “How can 59,054,087 peo- less in our war against ter- With thanks to ple be so DUMB?” and The 59,054,087 people rorism and in resolving the Rupert Neate Independent had the same be so DUMB?” conditions and causes on sentiment, if a bit more tact- which the terrorists prey”. fully put, in their montage to attempt to understand the George Bush, however, did Felix of photos from Abu Ghraib, American people and there- not mention the Middle East Beit Quad Guantanamo Bay and Iraq. fore the President, and not in his acceptance speech. Prince Consort Road Many commentators were to become complacent: “The The Independent picked up London SW7 2BB surprised and shocked by the country he leads is diverging on this, suggesting that Mr Telephone: 020 7594 8072 emergence of ‘moral values’ from Europe: it is younger, Blair must be praying that Email: [email protected] as the most important issue more self-confident, more the President does not decide Web: www.felixonline.co.uk in the election; it seemed prosperous, more devout, to attack Iran, a situation that that voters ignored their more diligent, more demo- would be nearly impossible Registered newspaper misgivings about Iraq and cratic and, in short, more for Mr Blair to respond to ISSN 1040-0711 the economy to vote for the conservative. Europe must without outraging either the Copyright © Felix 2004 candidate who felt the same come to terms not only with Americans or his own parlia- Triumphant: George W Bush, who will serve another four way that they did about guns, Mr Bush, but with the nation mentary party. years as President of the United States Printed by Sharman and gays and God. Nearly all the that has elected him. This is Company, Peterborough papers also ran some sort of a president who really can article on the ‘Divided States speak for America”. of America’ – the electoral The Sun took a similar £1 Per Pint map showing Democrat coast line, put in the inimitable lines and solidly Republican words of Richard Littlejohn, Carlsberg + inland states, where it seems who ranted: “Michael that “apart from the fact that Moore, Osama bin Laden, Tetley they speak English and have Saddam Hussein, Jacques two legs apiece, it is hard to Chirac, Gerhard Schroeder, In dBs think of anything American Kofi Annan, Yasser Arafat, conservatives have in com- the BBC, Guardianistas, Till the mon with European liberals” Channel 4 News, Robin Cook, according to the Guardian, Clare Short, most of the Cellars which claimed that the elec- parliamentary Labour party, tion was a moment for Tony half the Tory party, Charlie Run Dry Blair to step away from Kennedy, your boy took one The Union encourages you to drink responsibly

At: dBs Flirty current chart Wed Nov 17 music and party 8pm > 1am classics Imperial £2.00 Imperial College Union, Ents Card £1.50 Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, Guests £2.50 Against the war: protesters in London, including a contingent of Imperial College London, SW7 2BB students, voice their feelings against one of Mr Bush’s most controversial decisions Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 3

Business [email protected] Delight and dismay at US voters Has Bush bitten off more than he can chew for the second time in a row? Numaan Chaudhry reports

68m US voters chose to sup- plan, a certain percentage of cuts and introduce policies The dismayed port George W Bush, the payroll tax, currently 12.4%, that are viewed as unfavour- winner of the US presiden- will be devoted to private able for pharmaceutical and Families of dead soldiers in tial election last week with accounts, from which employ- environmentally sensitive Iraq have expressed their 51% of the vote. The next four ees can invest in stocks and sectors. disgust at Bush’s re-elec- years of Bush’s presidency bonds. George W Bush must tion, calling it “unworthy” will effectively determine the Investors in major indi- be absolutely chuffed. He and “stunning”. From the state of the world’s economy, ces worldwide grew a smirk endured, very remarkably, time Bush’s ‘war on terror’ but whether that is a good as the S&P 500, an overall the 11 September attacks, began after the attacks of thing or not is anybody’s measure of the stock market, major accounting scandals September 11 and before the guess. gained over 1% after Bush’s and a global recession. His official handover in June this victory, along with increases administration actually did year, almost 9000 troops have The delighted of the Dow Jones to 10,314 really well to keep the US died or been fatally wounded and the FTSE 100 to a two economy afloat. In addition (from both enemy and coali- US citizens wait in anticipa- year high of 4,718. Also, the it has to be admitted that, tion fire). tion for the first of Bush’s new metal industry rose across relative to the attacks of 11 The series of blunders at the initiatives in his second term. the board despite China’s September, no significant ter- beginning of the war, includ- His much-publicised plan to recent increase in interest rorist activities have taken ing the shooting down of a overhaul the Social Security rates, in an attempt to curb place; rather it is Bush’s coalition apache helicopter system started on Monday, inflation rates, of which metal attacks that have come under and ground troops, clearly starting with the drawing of exports were a major con- scrutiny. justifies Bush’s re-election as new proposals brought about tributor. The pharmaceutical indus- truly stunning. by conclusions from the John Kerry’s concession try breathed a sigh of relief The financial cost, however, bipartisan commission. Also, definitely helped the market as they lay beyond the reach is mind boggling. Despite the Bush has suggested that he move decisively, and the equi- of Kerry, the failed presiden- US’s $10 trillion economy, will stay personally involved ty markets were no excep- tial candidate seen as more the $150bn spent is beyond to ensure completion of tion. A Kerry victory would hostile towards this industry comprehension and another this legislative package. be deemed negative because because of his intention to cut factor that seems to have Astonishing: Bush followers show their support despite Under his payroll-to-stock of his desire to reverse tax medicine prices. passed beyond the American the turmoil of the past four years people in their voting strat- egy last Friday, although it’s the red. Also, the increase in Among those involved in this comforting to hear that Bush employment is only a tempo- statement were Kenneth was spending conservatively rary hike that Bush no doubt Arrow and William Sharpe when he said, “What’s the use created to add to his posi- of Stanford University, Paul of sending a $2 million missile tive contribution to the US Samuelson of MIT and Daniel into a $10 tent to hit a camel economy. The fact is that over Kahneman of Princeton. in the butt?” 821,000 jobs have been lost Although the equity mar- since Bush took the reins four And the furious DJ: K kets and world indices years ago. rejoiced at Bush’s victory, When nine Nobel prize win- I’m confident that millions will the dollar made a record fall ners in economics concur that join me as I show my disgust against the euro despite the the Bush administration went at the outcome of the elec- Band: CHERRY FALLS US economy showing healthy “on a reckless and extreme tions. How could the majority signs: among them, a 37,000 course that endangers the of US citizens vote for some- increase in employment in long-term economic health one who clearly can’t make Smirnoff Vodka and Draft Mixer £1 October and an alleviated of our nation”, some serious his own decisions, stumbles While Stocks Last US deficit accumulation. thinking needs to be done on at everything unexpected, Bush persisted in conveying the outcome of this election. be it rocks on the ground or his plans to truncate the US The nine campaigners for questions from the press, and trade and industry deficit of Kerry cited “poorly designed” is absolutely out of touch with $410bn by instigating budget tax cuts that instead of creat- the world economy. As Bush cuts and relying heavily on ing jobs had transformed the heads for the presidential economy growth. He claimed budget surpluses left by Bill retreat this weekend at Camp that tax reform or any other Clinton into enormous defi- David, I might just make my consumer-affecting means cits, adding that this “fiscal own retreat into the US Yahoo would not be undertaken, to irresponsibility threatens the groups to delve into the typi- a significant amount at least, long-term economic security cal American mind. Findings to bring the nation out from and prosperity of our nation”. next time...

At: dBs Latest from the Square Mile Fri Nov 19 Debenhams ised the sale of M&A money Vodafone announced ear- to HSBC, although under the lier this week it’s new 3G 8pm > 2am Debenhams, the thriving contract of the deal, M&S service following a £20bn department store and recent will retain 50% of profits until investment in digital acquisitor of CVC Capital 2014. The sale is expected to licences and technology for Union £3.00 Partners, reported net profits free up cash as Stuart Rose, it’s new handsets. of £300m attributed to a 5% the new Chief Executive Vodafone hopes to become Ents Card £2.50 increase in sales. Now there appointed in August, strug- a formidable rival to 3, are plans to increase its high gles to bring M&S back up currently the UK’s largest Guests £3.50 street exposure by opening on it’s feet. distributor of 3G-enabled another 20 new stores across handsets. The new serv- the UK. Vodafone unveils 3G ice aims to provide users Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, with the ability to utilise Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB Marks and Spencer In preparation for enter- video capability and ing the 3G market, along download music. Legally, of The struggling retailer final- with Orange and T-Mobile, course. Felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

Science [email protected] The truth about the MRSA epidemic Today’s hospitals are not so much places of healing as deathtraps for the sick. William Gates looks at the extent of the problem and argues that much more must be done

“They had a principle where have evolved their resistance level. Better and safer poli- Government to initiate the MRSA patients were put on to many of the antibiotics used cies must be introduced to measures that will reduce special wards, but they were in hospitals due to the high make sure that simple meas- the incidence of MRSA relat- all full. After she was readmit- mutation rate of their genes ures are undertaken with ed deaths. The rise in the ted, she deteriorated over the and the misuse of said antibi- greater enthusiasm. number of deaths from 51 in next three days, and died of otics. Suppose that there are There can be no complaint 1993 to 800 in 2002 indicates septicemia.” 1000 Staphylococcus Aureas with the levels of funding; it that, still, not enough is being The lamentation of a man in a tissue. The antibiotic is up to hospital and ward done. This number could who lost his wife to the hospi- methicillin may be used and managers to implement even be substantially greater tal superbug. Bereavements it would kill 999 of them. Yet if these funds to better effect. than admitted, as it is not a such as these have become the course of antibiotics was The hiring of more cleaners demand of doctors to fill in unfortunately commonplace abandoned early – as is often is one approach which I feel MRSA as a cause of death on in the modern hospital envi- the case due to the laziness of is fairly obvious. Furthermore death certificates. ronment. As the NHS is faced the patient who fails to take I would argue that cam- The development of a vac- with a crisis over this appar- his prescription – the one paigns to staff that promote cine is already well underway, ent epidemic, are hospitals that survives may have devel- the idea that extreme care and it is rapidly becoming a and the government doing oped resistance to the drug. must be taken with respect tangible prospect. Although enough to help prevent the This development would be to hygiene should be intro- in the UK the vaccine is spread of the pathogen? due to the mutation of one duced. The simple things still quite embryonic in its This week, about 15 people or more of its genes, which – washing hands and work- progress, and involves killing will die as a direct result of would, as if by accident, con- tops diligently and repeatedly the bacteria when they are infection by MRSA, a deadly vey the necessary resistance. every day – could constitute a still on the skin of the car- bacterium that has developed Bacteria have evolved, how- Germ’s eye view: a lack of cleanliness in UK hospitals has major weapon against these rier, in the US a vaccine that substantial resistance to ever, to have genes with high lead to the MRSA superbug epidemic organisms. attacks the bacteria when many of the different antibiot- mutation frequencies in order Many experts believe that they have penetrated the ics used on hospital wards. In to give them a competitive bacteria can easily reproduce and dangerously high levels MRSA and related bacteria body is being created. total, 800 people a year die of advantage against immune with relative ease. of the bacteria. cannot be wiped out. There This is a more conventional MRSA, and this only forms a systems and, more recently, In addition to this, it appears The results were alarming. will always be a residual vaccine and would ultimate- fraction of the total number antibiotics. The one that is that many of our hospitals are In North Middlesex Hospital, population in a hospital ward. ly provide the best hope for of deaths related to bacterial left would reproduce rapidly, making it even easier for this Edmonton, and St Mary’s Indeed, how can bacteria defence against the disease. infections contracted in hos- leading to a population of the organism to exist, through Hospital, Paddington, the that reside in the nasal pas- Yet a potentially farcical situ- pitals. The title MRSA stands bacteria that would carry simple incompetence and the level of the colonies was, at sage of 30% of the popula- ation may occur whereby the for “Mythically Resistant resistance to the antibiotic. failure to recognize the full- worst, 20 colonies per square tion be completely overcome? manufacture of a success- Staphylococcus Aurous”, and Therefore, and perhaps ness of the threat posed by centimetre, 40 times higher Yet this level can be a level ful vaccine would have to be is a term used to describe these superbugs. than the maximum safe level. privately funded, rather than a variety of bacteria of the “The ‘maximum safe In a recent survey of five Dr Malyszewicz was scath- “This refusal to funded by the Government. Staphylococcus Aurous fam- level’ of the bacteria is of London’s most prominent ing of all the hospitals he acknowledge the true In this case, I for one ily that have developed this hospitals, undertaken by an surveyed, complaining about would be critical of current form of resistance. 0.5 colonies per square independent scientist called basic hygiene and work sur- magnitude of the prob- Government policy and would The bacteria are found centimetre... The Dr Malyszewicz, appallingly faces that had not been prop- lem may be clouding hope for its alteration. in as much as 30% of the results [at some unhygienic conditions have erly washed in over 48 hours the issue and averting This refusal to acknowledge population, usually within the allowed the MRSA bacteria and, if they had been washed, the true magnitude of the nasal passage or on the skin hospitals] were alarm- to propagate to dangerously they had been washed with the public’s attention problem may be clouding the of carriers. They are usually ing... 20 colonies per high levels. detergents that had no effect from the full extent of issue and averting the pub- harmless when carried in this square centimetre” The levels of the bacteria on the bacteria. the problem” lic’s attention from the full way; infection occurs usually were measured using culture All this after the Government extent of the truth. when the bacteria penetrate ironically, it is due to the techniques. Samples were has poured £1bn into the NHS whereby the risk of infection The truth is that too many beneath the skin, for example development of our own extra taken from various different specifically to combat the is minimised. At the moment, people are dying of avoidable via a wound. That explains defence mechanisms against areas of the hospital, for exam- spread of these killer bugs it would appear that not infections for us to continue why many of those who devel- these bacteria that we have ple work surfaces and hand- through our hospitals. Some enough is being done to limit to turn a blind eye. Measures op the symptoms of the infec- selectively cultured a fam- rails. These samples were say that the Government the levels of these bacteria in must be taken immediately tion are those who have had ily of pathogenic organisms then incubated, allowing any is not doing enough, and, hospitals. to halt the advance of these some form of surgery. Once which we are almost power- bacteria present to grow into although I am inclined to Are we placing patients at bacteria, or else we run the inside the body, the bacteria less to inhibit. Furthermore, it colonies. The density of these agree with them, I would also further risk unnecessarily? I risk of developing a bug can reproduce at a staggering is in our hospitals that these colonies was then measured. say that the Government can- wonder if the families of the which could be immune to all rate, rapidly releasing toxins organisms are at their most The ‘maximum safe level’ of not necessarily account for 800 people killed each year by antibiotics we currently have. which can lead to devastating rampant. In an environment the bacteria is 0.5 colonies the failure of its staff to wash MRSA believe their bereave- In the eternal war against conditions such as blood poi- where there is a multitude per square centimetre. This their hands properly. That is ment was avoidable. disease, this would constitute soning and pneumonia. of already weak and ill host level is considered as being a problem which, I believe, Nevertheless, it is still the a major, and potentially ruin- In the past, the bacteria organisms, ie patients, the the threshold between safe must be addressed at ward ultimate responsibility of the ous, defeat. Obesity costs airlines £200 million a year and other stories

By Darius Nikbin inspector in York stamped a lines to spend $280 million to Of course, it would be an ongoing MRSA epidemic. the fleeting force of pub- Science Editor man’s ticket without realising burn 1.3 billion more litres exaggeration to say that this Reading Will Gates’ arti- lic perception, so that the the passenger was dead. of fuel in 2000, just to carry increases the cost of flying cle this week will leave you underlying problems are I was surprised by some of Another story which bor- the additional weight of fat by a massive margin. In fact, with a sense of complete allowed to develop until it is the news stories this week. ders on the farcical shows Americans. it probably doesn’t affect the disbelief. It is amazing how too late. Not only did doctors in India how the obesity epidemic, This means that a signifi- cost of flying around Europe often the Government has This week you can also have to treat a man for acci- afflicting much of the devel- cant proportion of the cost of by much, at all. Which begs not done anything until it is read about a student who dentally swallowing a tooth- oped world, is having some your Ryanair ticket to Ibiza, the question, what am I talk- faced with crisis. This same spent the summer studying brush, but also an F16 fighter unlikely consequences. or wherever else Imperial ing about? thing happened with the BSE abroad. As an Alumnus of the jet opened fire on a school A study in the American students take their holidays, In truth, these stories are and foot-and-mouth crises. ERASMUS scheme I would in New Jersey, a 38 year-old Journal of Preventative is probably being spent to completely trivial compared The reason for this is that recommend studying abroad Japanese woman choked to Medicine showed that the subsidise ‘larger-than-life’ to the coalition’s (what a scientific advice is simply not to anyone. Ben King’s article death during a ‘bread eat- extra weight due to ‘larger- people. Bear that in mind misnomer that is) attack on being heeded. Governmental will give you a good idea of ing’ competition, and a ticket than-life’ people caused air- next time you fly. Fallujah, or, for instance, the policy is being moulded by what it’s like. Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

SCIENCE [email protected] A summer spent studying in America News The UROP scheme can give you the opportunity to study in the USA in brief By Ben King Imperial students (Darwin, with an American roommate culture. Speaking of dollops, middle-aged woman who Physics department Hudaa, Pan and Chris) in – alongside other like-mind- the Americans enjoy their food did her utmost to keep me By Alex Antonov Newark, Delaware with some ed souls trying to embellish – especially their fast food! entertained) and her family Mathematics department “I spent most of my summer sense of expectation. We were their CVs. It was easy to make However, I have to pay trib- in Newark who had been kind working in Delaware this not to be disappointed. friends and we had a lot of fun ute to the great Philly chees- enough to open their arms year...” “...Dela-where?” is Delaware is a greenish state together in various bars and esteak, which is now possi- to me. Initially petrified by US develops new how many a conversation has with many highways between restaurants. We also enjoyed bly my favourite pick-me-up. the prospect, this part of the Anthrax vaccine proceeded recently. small cities, but with the the activities organised by Americans also like to keep fit exchange really gave me an Yes, I was one of the cho- friendliest people – and this the UROP representative in (honestly), so take note of the opportunity to learn more The Californian company sen ones, selected by UROP was epitomised by the staff our hall. Due to Delaware’s free gym and indoor/outdoor about American culture, and I VaxGen will make an improved (the College’s Undergraduate of Delaware’s Undergraduate pools on campus. suppose that is the thing that version of the anthrax vaccine Research Opportunities Research Program. An exam- “...my reward for I also managed to accom- I miss most – the friendliness for use in case of biological Programme) to participate ple of this endemic friendli- plish a lot of work! My super- of everyone wanting to show attack under an $877m con- in the exchange with the ness is that if we were ever getting through the visor understood my relative- me their part of the country. tract, the first to be funded by University of Delaware in the in need, they would fix it for application and inter- ly novice position so with the I would thoroughly recom- the “Project Bioshield” law USA. My reward for getting us, so when I mentioned off- view was a nine week tasks assigned to me within mend it to everyone! If you enacted in July. The new vac- through the application and hand that there was no kettle, my limits, I found myself in want to find out more, UROP cine uses a specific protein interview (it helped that I what did I find the very next placement in the Sharp a very stress-free position. I will stage a presentation from the bacteria, called pro- had done UROP the previous morning outside my door, physics laboratory” learnt practical skills on the about the Delaware Exchange tective antigen, and will be summer) was a nine week but a brand new kettle! The programming side and how at 1.10pm on Thursday 18 available in 2007. placement in the Sharp phys- campus had a similarly nice location, day trips followed to research topics, and a lot November in Room 342 of ics laboratory, which gave me feeling to it – there were long to New York, Washington, about a researcher’s life in the Mechanical Engineering the opportunity to experience green lawns, without signs Philadelphia and also the the US. I also made a lot of Building on the South China aims for five the black art of theoretical saying that you can’t walk on beach at Rehoboth (my per- mates out there who I keep Kensington Campus. Beware, days in orbit atomic physics. them, a bell tower that played sonal favourite). in contact with, bringing me the deadline for applications Giddy with the feeling of parochial melodies, and all We were also there for the to possibly the most exciting will be 25 November. Watch China’s second manned post-exam exhilaration, and the campus buildings were Independence Day celebra- part of the exchange program out for details on the website. space mission, scheduled excited at the prospect of built in the same grand style. tions and the mourning of – the home stay. ● Visit the new UROP for next year, will carry two doing some real world sci- For the first seven weeks Ronald Reagan, so we got a For the final two weeks, I website, www.imperial. astronauts and is expected to ence, I arrived with four other we lived in dorms – each nice big dollop of American stayed with Susan (a sweet ac.uk/UROP orbit the Earth for five days. Mission scientists said they had been working to optimise the performance, safety and reliability of the spacecraft, The latest science events in London Shenzhou VI. China’s first manned mission, Shenzhou By Elena Lengthorn help scientific knowledge? 6.30pm Dana Centre 7.30pm Dana Centre interview last year, explains V, launched into space in Science Communication Join IgNobel Prize-win- CyberMusic is a leading Punk Science: Energy how in nature females are October 2003. ning author Dr Len Fisher event for anyone interested All energy in the universe is far more promiscuous than for tales of strange and in the theory and practice thought to have come into previously thought. ridiculous-sounding experi- of how new technologies are being in the Big Bang. Now, Source of cosmic THURSDAY 11 ments. shaping and changing the Punk Science seeks to har- rays confirmed way musicians, DJs, VJs, ani- ness all that energy for 45 NOVEMBER mators and software develop- minutes of unadulterated, WEBSITES Using an array of four tel- 2.30pm Darwin Centre ers make and present their visceral pleasure. Punk sci- escopes in Africa, scientists In the Headlines FRIDAY 12 work. ence: science comedy with Dana Centre have produced the first image A regular platform for visi- live experiments. www.danacentre.org.uk showing that the source of tors to examine, question and NOVEMBER cosmic rays could be the rem- discuss the hottest science 7pm Royal Institution Royal Institution nant of a supernova, a power- issues directly with the sci- What is beauty? Who has it? TUESDAY 16 www.rigb.org ful explosion of a star at the entists who are creating the And how can we get more of WEDNESDAY 17 end of its life. It had long been news. it? For centuries philosophers NOVEMBER Darwin Centre thought that supernova explo- and scientists have debated 6.30pm Royal Institution NOVEMBER http://www.nhm.ac.uk/ sions were indeed the source, 7pm Dana Centre beauty’s nature, distribution Dr Daniel Glaser and Dr 7pm Royal Institution darwincentre but there was no evidence to Talk Science; Weighing the and meaning. In the last ten Lauren Stewar explain how The evolution of female pro- support this theory. Soul (Free) years a new science of beauty scientists can learn from peo- miscuity. Olivia Judson, who Does feeding Prozac to clams has developed. ple in other disciplines. featured in a Felix Science Mars rover gets power boost Opportunity, one of the two A DAY IN THE DIET OF A STUDENT robotic rovers exploring [email protected] the surface of Mars, has Our resident dietician evaluates your lifestyles mysteriously produced about 5% extra power in its solar Darius Nikbin, Science Editor, describes his diet and lifestyle panels. It is thought that this is due to a storm blow- 8am Grab a piece of white toast with jam and a coffee. Cycle to Hammersmith for ten minutes, then take the bus ing dust off the panels. 12pm Go to the Union and have the legendary ‘chilli beef with rice’. Inevitable pain in stomach, but worth it Both robotic explorers have discovered geological evi- 3pm Over-priced snack at the SCR and have another coffee dence of past water activity 5pm Back home after college (10 minute cycle). Have some biscuits with tea. Listen to some music, read notes and are continuing to send 7pm Have dinner, usually a plate of rice with a couple of fried chicken drumsticks and a salad back data. 9pm Go down the pub and have a couple of pints with some friends. Come back and watch an episode of Columbo from the newly released DVD Pot of Roman cos- Rosie Taylor, Felix Science dietician says... metic unearthed Student total calorific intake: 2500 calories Recommended (male) calorific intake: 2500 calories Darius eats on the run, grabbing fast food as a means of filling a gap. He does well to eat regular meals and snacks, not missing meals or eating huge A sealed pot of ointment was found at an archaeological amounts in one go. This means that he is getting a regular supply of energy throughout the day. dig in Southwark. Analysis revealed it to be made from One slice of white toast and jam for breakfast isn’t enough. He would be better off having some low glycaemic index carbohydrates such as porridge or animal fat, starch and tin granary bread. His lunch is lacking in vegetables. As we should all be consuming five portions of fruit and vegetables each day, lunch is a good time to incor- oxide. It is speculated that porate a portion. He does better with his evening meal, including a salad. the cream was used as a cos- metic to achieve a pale look. It leaves a smooth texture His diet is also lacking in fruit. Fruit would provide an ideal mid-afternoon and 5pm snack. Fruit would provide him with essential nutrients and fibre. I am a little when rubbed into the skin. concerned about Darius’ fluid intake. He seems to get through the whole day one just two cups of coffee, a can of coke and a few pints of beer. We should Marks left by the last fingers drink 6-8 glasses (or 1¾ litres) of fluid each day, not including alcohol. He falls short of this amount, which could lead to under-hydration. to use the pot were still vis- ible on the lid. Felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

Comment [email protected] Radio to the power of Four

Whilst writing this column I hap- game to actually watch most of the months) ago. intelligent speech radio station is pen to be listening to the Today time). More importantly, we are the STATE OF Some people point to the inter- essential for an information society programme in my office. What is generation least likely to watch tel- net and say that’s the way to keep to work. Today, some of you might ask? evision. How are we to keep up to THE UNION up to date. But that’s really too Why am I talking about this? Today is BBC Radio 4’s flagship date with current affairs without much effort. One can’t spend all Several reasons. Firstly, it’s my job news programme. It is the most television news? day reading BBC News Online. to keep abreast of issues that affect widely heard breakfast news radio Several people have suggest- Personally I find the internet students, and listening to Today show in the UK. There’s a good rea- ed newspapers to me – and they more convenient for reading news- is basically how I keep abreast of son for that. certainly have their place. But in paper articles that I’m interested political matters (whether they Many of you might stare aghast at today’s internet age, newspa- in (again comment, not news). The be tuition fees or something more the mention of Radio 4 in a students’ pers are no longer really about only news I get off the web is inter- obscure like immigration rules that newspaper. Many seem to consider breaking news. The strength of a net/technology related news. But could affect overseas students). it the radio station for old fuddy- good newspaper (such as Felix) then Slashdot.org isn’t really for Secondly, I like Radio 4 and wanted duddies. The fact is, however, that is actually providing comment on everyone. to tell everyone. Thirdly, I wanted to Radio 4 represents the crown jew- the major matters of the day. The No, in this day and age, radio has a plug intelligent speech on your radio els of the BBC’s license fee funded hallmark of a bad newspaper serious purpose. It’s so much easier station. Tune into IC Radio (www. provision. (such as London Student) is to listen to radio and absorb it whilst icradio.com) and listen to Fireside Firstly, Test Match Special is the to simply recycle what more MUSTAFA ARIF eating/sleeping/working, etc. That’s for my (almost weekly) phone-in only practical way to keep up with up to date forms of media pub- UNION PRESIDENT why Radio 4 is so important. For with the Felix editor on Thursdays the cricket (it’s far too tedious a lished hours, days (or in LS’s case the post-TV generation, a pervasive at 6pm. The joy of... STV

Innumerable people have stopped is simply the total number of votes ence. The main benefit of STV is have said to us that they didn’t know me in the streets of South Kensington cast, divided by one more than the UNCLE SAM that it avoids wasting votes in so- any of the candidates, but wanted to recently to ask, “Sam, what’s all this number of candidates to be elected, called ‘safe seats’, where one can- ensure that the 25p donation went about Single Transferable Voting? plus one vote. By following this for- didate might be streets ahead of to their club, so just voted RON. In What’s wrong with just putting an mula, no more than the required the others – in this case, the second response to feedback from various ‘X’ next to the candidate I prefer?” A number of candidates can reach the choice candidates will make a real quarters, we have decided to modify very good question indeed, and one quota. Votes are counted according difference. Or, similarly, you may the voting system to introduce the that I shall attempt to answer here. to the first preferences, and any want to back a candidate who ends ‘Abstain’ option this time. The anal- The Single Transferable Vote candidates who have achieved the up getting eliminated – your vote ogy for a paper ballot election is (STV) is a system that has been quota are elected. would not be wasted, as your next going into the voting booth and writ- developed to give the voter more To decide which of the remaining preference will be reallocated to a ing “Mickey Mouse” on your paper, power than in the traditional ‘first candidates are elected, the votes candidate who’s still in the race. All or spoiling the ballot slip in some past the post’ system favoured in are transferred from candidates in all, it empowers the voter. other way. If you do this, your vote UK General Elections. STV is a form who have more than the necessary The second question I’ve been will not count towards the election, of preferential voting, which means number to achieve the quota and asked is “who’s RON?” Re-Open but you will be able to make your that instead of casting a single vote from the candidate with the least SAM RORKE Nominations, or ‘New Election’ is a donation. for a single candidate, a voter can number of votes. This means that DEPUTY PRESIDENT way of expressing your displeasure What am I trying to say? Voting express a list of preferences. Votes where the first preference of a voter with the remaining candidates, and matters (more than doughnuts do), are cast by putting a ‘1’ next to the was not able to be used to elect a (EDUCATION & WELFARE) requesting that nominations are and you should get involved in the voter’s preferred candidate, a ‘2’ candidate (or not necessary, in the reopened for a new election. The running of your Union. Nominations beside their second favourite candi- case of a candidate who has reached “It sounds like an awful lot of reason we are holding these by-elec- close at noon tomorrow (Friday), so date and so on, until they no longer quota), their subsequent preferenc- effort! So, what’s the point of STV?” tions is because RON did well last it’s not too late to stand. Hustings wish to express a preference. es come into play. This process of they may retort. Well, it’s not that time, knocking out many “human” are being held in the JCR at noon When it comes to counting the transferring votes continues until arduous to think about who your candidates. next Thursday, 18 November, so votes, a quota is calculated which the required number of candidates second or third choice candidates It’s important to remember that come along and quiz the candidates! sets the number of votes a candi- have attained enough votes to be are, and remember, you can stop voting for New Election is not the For more information, please see date must attain to be elected. This elected. when you have no further prefer- same as abstaining. Various people www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections. TV is rubbish these days

As a student, your finances are things to six-year-old kids, not grown Those nice people at TV Licensing take a bit of time, although it will probably tight. You have to budget adults. Anyway, here are some facts ADVICE SERVICE also target heavy student-populated certainly be given. for everything, so you would prob- that may help you: areas, which is nice of them consid- ● If it gets to the point where they ably be forgiven for missing out on ering that some students can’t even want to search your home, you have certain things. One thing that nearly When do you have to buy a TV afford to put food on their plate let the right to see the warrant and always gets left by the wayside is license? alone pay a £1000 fine. ask for a copy. They are allowed your TV Licence (and I don’t blame to search your property without a you, given the rubbish they put on ● If you use a TV that is current- What are your rights? police officer present, however in telly these days). ly receiving programmes, you will most cases the search is conducted However, as I’m sure you’re aware, have to get a licence. You’ll also ● You are under no obligation to in the presence of a police officer. you could be fined up to £1000 if need one if you are using anything allow a TV Licensing enquiry officer You are allowed to ask for a copy of caught without a licence. Just to else to receive programmes, such as to enter your home unless he/she the police officer’s search warrant make things easier, you might face a PCs or video recorders. can show a search warrant. as well. court appearance as well! ● If you are living in halls and ● If you open a door and the enquiry ● If you do get fined, there are pay- There are some myths that float have a TV in your own room then officer does not have a warrant and ment plans available to you. Contact around about TV licences. I am not you need your own separate TV NIGEL COOKE starts questioning you, you do not the Union Advice Service for advo- writing this to tell you to get one, but licence. STUDENT ADVISER have to answer. Basically just say cacy and more information. this article is intended to tell you the ● If you live in a house which has a nothing and shut the door. facts and your rights if the men or joint tenancy then only one licence There is some good news though. ● If an enquiry officer tries to enter If you have any further questions, women in the detector vans come is required for the whole house. As a student, you are entitled to your home without a warrant, this or you are just interested in the knocking at your door. However, if there is a separate ten- some money back for the summer is unlawful. issue of students and TV licens- If you look at the TV Licensing ancy for each room then each room months if you can prove that you are ● The TVLA have to apply to the ing, please contact the Union Agency (TVLA) website, you might that has a TV will need a separate no longer residing in the house that magistrates’ court to get a warrant Advice Service on 020 7594 8067 or think they are trying to explain licence. the licence was bought for. to search your property. This can [email protected]. Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

Around Campus [email protected] Wye Charity Week raises £1000

By Nichola Hawkins Wye Correspondent

Last week saw Wye’s annual Charity Week, a week of mad- ness all in the name of Charity, in a similar spirit to Imperial’s RAG Week but with our own distinctive traditions. Sunday night was the Halloween Launch Party, and also saw the release of the RAG Mag, featuring silly quotes, pathetic chat-up lines and such coveted awards as ‘Most Alcoholic Fresher’. The drinking clubs’ costumes for the week were revealed too, with Robin Hood Beaus, Cheerleader Garters and Thunderbirds JSF. Monday night was an International Culture Night, hosted by the Overseas Students Organisation, and saw the Union packed out with home and overseas stu- dents alike. However, Tuesday morning saw a most definite return to Wye’s traditional RAG cal- endar, with the Champagne Breakfast. This year, when students gathered in full black tie dress, it turned out that the coaches were taking them to Planet Laser in Canterbury, where they found out the hard way what two laser games, interspersed with two bottles of fizzy wine each, and fry- up sandwiches thrown in, can do to the digestion. However, this did not deter them from supporting at least two of the Who’s behind the mask? A Wye student enjoying the Charity Week Ball village pubs in between their return and the opening of the have stayed on the right side their careful planning did short, anything that had not This would usually mark the fireworks display, the stu- Union bar that evening for DJ of the law, with such catego- result in many items being been nailed down that week, end of the week. However, due dents (old and new) returned Benjy’s ‘Shake Down’ urban ries as ‘a barmaid’s phone ‘borrowed’ ready for the next and a few things that had to the way the dates worked to the Union bar for one last music night. number’, ‘a receipt for Baileys day’s auction. been. out this year, the Bonfire Party chance to drink in the name Wednesday was scheduled and Lime’, “something green Thursday night was the cus- Friday was the Charity that usually opens the week of Charity, and to count up as the Druids’ Disco, but a and gold’ and ‘another team’s tomary Slave Auction. In fact, Week Ball, with a James Bond on the first Saturday was held their takings for the week. problem with their intend- underwear’. the slaves only constituted theme. The Union bar and on the final Saturday instead. The final count has yet to be ed venue meant this had to Embarrassingly, the JSF the last four lots (four pairs dancefloor were draped in The traditional torchlight pro- completed, but the figure so be cancelled at less than a team themselves came joint of freshers, two male and black and white and decorat- cession up to the crown was far stands at just over £1050 day’s notice. However, their last with the Garters (amidst two female); the rest of the ed with a multitude of sparkly as large as any recent year, and so, considering our stu- rival clubs were keen to step many accusations of score- lots were items of students’ things; the Agents wore their with torches, food and glow dent body numbers just a few in, and by 7.30 that evening fixing), and even more embar- property ‘borrowed’ at vari- tuxes, the Bond Girls wore sticks all selling out more rap- hundred, the gauntlet has the JSF had organised a rassingly (but also more pre- ous points, including favour- their cocktail dresses, the Old idly than anyone could have most definitely been thrown Scavenger Hunt, which some- dictably) lost the tie-breaker ite clothing, computer disks, Boys were back in force and predicted. down for the rest of Imperial’s how (miraculously) seems to yard-downing race. However, car keys, number plates... in the drinks were flowing. Following an impressive RAG efforts. Burn baby burn, Silwood inferno By Andy Brown (except maybe Lewes). No this extravaganza underway. we have for it. Like the pri- inferno, returning later with of leaves on the fire sending Silwood Park correspondent fireworks unfortunately, but Unwilling to siphon petrol off mate cave people, it means a a borrowed shovel (resource red hot ashes high into the with open grounds in true a nearby unclaimed car, they huge advancement in civilisa- reallocation is a transferable cloudless country sky. Who One of the advantages of liv- student style we are able resort to toilet roll and blow- tion – no more raw Silwood skill that my PhD has taught needs roman candles when ing in the middle of nowhere to watch the big explosions ing. It is rather amusing to deer, we can spit roast them me well). A little hard to start you have these for free? is the ability to have parties around us. The groundsmen watch a group of eight male now! with, they got better as the The evolution of man was like this with (relative to the here collect fuel for the fire all Homo habilis trying to start Three hours after starting, night proceeded... or was it completed with a survivors’ other city campuses) few week, and traditionally first a twelve foot high bonfire by the feast began with roast- the increase in blood alcohol breakfast and the promise of health and safety concerns. year PhD students spend blowing on it. ing chestnuts. It was made level? Kindly provided black bacon and eggs. Arguably one The carefully chosen site Friday building it. Due to the wet summer and clear that they were collected peas (a northern delicacy, of Homo sapiens’ greatest for the bonfire, Silwood bot- Then, with a pint in hand, recent weather experienced, locally and the Union held apparently) with salt and vin- advancements is agriculture, tom, has very little to set fire males are drawn from all over it didn’t go up as quickly as no responsibility for illness egar as well as treacle toffee the concentrated growing and to, with the exception of our the site to the prospect of fire expected, prolonging the incurred or bugs found with- concluded the balanced diet breeding of food. This was put humungous bonfire and of like wasps to beer. Like the enjoyment that is watching in. Groups of hunter gatherer of the night. to good use with the break- course the traditional guy. primitive Neanderthal man, fire, an unexplainable phe- Homo erectus spread out in Frustrated at not having fast, and with it, the evolution An annual event out here, they then stand around grunt- nomenon. Maybe it’s the ele- search of some way of cook- our own fireworks, a cunning of mankind was completed in there is nothing quite like it ing, wondering how to get ment of danger or the respect ing them on the now burning idea was forged to throw piles one night. WANT A PART-TIME JOB THAT WILL TAKE YOU PLACES? THEN WHY NOT BE A RED BULL STUDENT MARKETEER?

If you’ve ever fancied cruising the streets in Does this sound like it’s up your street? the Red Bull Mini, putting a spring in people’s Then get in gear and please send: steps, a smile on their faces then keep on reading! 1: 500 words which tell us a little bit about you Red Bull is currently looking for outgoing and and why you would be great in this role. enthusiastic students who’ve got what it takes to 2: C.V. be the face of our unconventional brand. It’s your job to take Red Bull to people wherever and 3: Photograph of yourself. whenever they are in need of energy.

What we’re looking for: Applications should be sent via email to:

• Energetic outgoing student in higher education. [email protected]

• No pilot’s licence required (after all, Red Bull Further info @ www.redbull.co.uk can provide the wiiings!), but you will need a full driving licence.

• With a flexible schedule to take on work alongside your studies.

• You should be able to work at least 3 days a week during term time and full time during the summer. Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

What’s on [email protected] CLUBBING UNION EVENTS that there is very likely to be THURSDAY SWAMP BRING ORGAN COCKTAILS AND a nude model. So please turn Running an event? DONORS TO THE 414 PALAIS up promtly and dont attend if 11 NOVEMBER The 414 Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross it will offend. Organ Donors with a special Hospital Contact: Want people to know? UNION EVENTS dex ‘n’ FX set at the home of New look Monday nights! [email protected] LOST IN A DREAM London hard dance. Come down to Reynolds in Tell us about it! (ICSM DRAMA Hammersmith every Monday UNION EVENTS PRODUCTION) night for cocktails and then STA TRAVEL QUIZ NIGHT Felix will print your listings free of charge. 7.15pm get your wristbands to dance 8–10.30pm Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad SATURDAY the night away at the Palais Beit Quad Just email [email protected] and tell us: Tickets from £4.50 – £3 from the Reynolds, £4 FREE • the name of the event The perfect blend of comedy 13 NOVEMBER on door. Yes, the Palais, it’s The quiz is a bit of a tradition and drama, Lost In A Dream back! Monday nights are now at the Union, with cash and • who is running it tells the story of a hapless UNION EVENTS bigger and better than ever beer prizes on offer. Get a • the time schizophrenic. MEDICS CHOIR: before. team together and see how Contact: MOZART REQUIEM Contact: much you really know. • the location [email protected] 7.30pm [email protected] Contact: [email protected] • the cost (if any) St Augustine’s Church, Queen’s Gate CLUBS AND SOCIETIES • a brief description of the event Tickets £3 students MEDICAL ETHICS: “END Mozart’s Requiem, Haydn’s OF LIFE DECISIONS - WEDNESDAY FRIDAY Insanae et Vanae Curae PARENTS’ OR DOCTORS’ 6pm THE GRUDGE (15) and Bainton’s I Saw a New CHOICE?” 17 NOVEMBER Main Dining Hall, Sherfield Fri to Thurs: 12.40pm, 2.50pm, 12 NOVEMBER Heaven. Wine and soft drinks 6pm Building 5pm, 7.15pm, 9.45pm. Fri and will be served during the Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross UNION EVENTS It’s a stage to showcase your Sat only: 12midnight. Sat and UNION EVENTS interval. Hospital CHEEKY talent – your chance to signup Sun only: 10am. LOST IN A DREAM Contact: Medical Ethics Society’s first 8pm–1am to be in the largest show pro- BAD SANTA (15) (ICSM DRAMA [email protected] meeting of the year. If you Beit Quad duced by an Imperial College Fri to Thurs: 6.10pm, 8.20pm. PRODUCTION) have anything you particu- £2 Union society. If you want to Fri and Mon to Thurs: 1.20pm, 7.15pm CLUBBING larly want to discuss, such Flirty current chart music perform in an Eastern or 3.40pm. Sat only: 10.50pm. Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad TYRANT 7TH BIRTHDAY as something you’ve come and party classics. Western dancing act, make BIRTH (15) Tickets from £4.50 Fabric across during a rotation, Contact: [email protected] sure you come along. Fri to Thurs: 1.40pm, 4pm, The perfect blend of comedy Craig Richards, Lee Burridge please email and we can Contact: 6.20pm, 9pm. Fri and Sat only: and drama, Lost In A Dream and Terry Francis celebrate bring it up at the meeting [email protected] 11.20pm. tells the story of a hapless seven years of dirty house. (anonymously if you prefer). ALFIE (15) schizophrenic. The society does not charge THURSDAY 2.10pm, 4.45pm, 7.10pm, Contact: a membership fee and meet- 9.30pm. Fri and Sat only: [email protected] ings take the form of an infor- 18 NOVEMBER 11.50pm. Sat and Sun only: MONDAY mal discussion. Everyone is ALL WEEK 11.45am. UNION EVENTS welcome. VERY IMPORTANT ALIEN vs PREDATOR (15) SUBRED 15 NOVEMBER Contact: [email protected] FELIX PUBLISHED FILMS: VUE CINEMA, Fri and Sat only: 11.10pm. 8pm 10am onwards FULHAM BROADWAY THE PRINCESS DIARIES Beit Quad CLUBS AND SOCIETIES Pick up the next issue from BRIDGET JONES: EDGE 2: ROYAL ENGAGEMENT £3 INDIAN SOCIETY: your department or the Union OF REASON (15) (U) Drum and bass from Ray EAST MEETS WEST 2005 TUESDAY building. Fri to Thurs: 12.30pm, 1.30pm, Sat and Sun only: 10.40am, Keith, Macpherson, Surreal, AUDITIONS Contact: [email protected] 3.15pm, 4.15pm, 6pm, 7pm, 1.10pm, 3.40pm. DJ Spindle and DJ Chug. 6pm 16 NOVEMBER 8.40pm, 9.40pm. Fri and Sat SHARK TALE (12A) Vodka and draft mixer for £1 Main Dining Hall, Sherfield UNION ELECTIONS only: 11.30pm. Sat and Sun Fri to Thurs: 2.20pm, 4.30pm, in dBs while stocks last. Building CLUBS AND SOCIETIES HUSTINGS only: 10am, 11am. 6.40pm. Sat and Sun only: Contact: [email protected] It’s a stage to showcase your LEOSOC: LIFE DRAWING 12noon LADIES IN LAVENDER 10am, 12.10pm. talent – your chance to signup 7pm JCR, Sherfield Building (12A) LAYER CAKE (15) CLUBBING to be in the largest show pro- Room 407, Elec Eng Building Come along and quiz the can- Fri to Thurs: 1pm, 3.20pm, Fri to Thurs: 8.50pm. Fri and PROGRESSION duced by an Imperial College £3.50 for non-members didates. 5.40pm, 8pm. Sat and Sun Sat only: 11.20pm. SESSIONS Union society. If you want to Description: Contact: [email protected] only: 10.40am. FIVE CHILDREN AND IT The End perform in an Eastern or LeoSoc’s second tutored life FINDING NEVERLAND (U) The more graceful side to Western dancing act, make drawing session this term. All CLUBS AND SOCIETIES (PG) Sat and Sun only: 11.20am. drum and bass, with LTJ sure you come along. abilities are welcome. Many INDIAN SOCIETY: Fri to Thurs: 1.10pm, 3.30pm, SAW (18) Bukem and a guest appear- Contact: media can be used. Since it EAST MEETS WEST 2005 5.5pm, 8.10pm. Sat only: Fri and Sat only: 11pm. ance from Fabio. [email protected] is life drawing, we must warn AUDITIONS 10.50am. Competitions Malibu giveaway Dedicated to making the term Seriously Easy Going® and stress free, Malibu® is offering you the chance to get your hands on a seriously easy £1000. All you have to do is visit www.malibueasymoney.com, register online and complete the questionnaire. How easy is that? You don’t even have to leave your room!

Felix is also giving you the chance to win one of three sets of one bottle of Malibu®, one carton of cranberry and your very own branded jug. Simply log on to www.malibueasymoney.com to find the answer the following question:

What item can you download from the website to get you in a seriously easy going mood?

Email your answer to [email protected] by Tuesday 16 November. Tell us your year and your department. The first three people to be randomly selected after the closing date will win the prizes. Felix competition rules apply. Felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

Clubs & Societies [email protected] Japanese karate master at Imperial

SHOTOKAN KARATE While everyone was wait- at the end of the lesson. He ing to start, we were all very passed on some of his karate anxious to see what the class secrets to our club members, By Simon Reynolds would be like. The club’s and we benefited from a truly new beginners in particular enlightening experience. On Saturday 30 October, didn’t know what to expect Of course, after three hours the Imperial College Union and maybe started wondering of training, we then took some Shotokan Karate Club what they had let themselves badly needed refreshments in (ICUSKC) was honoured to in for! the bar! have a masterclass taught Sensei Abe started the les- If you might be interested by one of the greatest living son after he was welcomed in karate, it’s certainly not martial artists, Sensei Keigo and introduced to us by our too late to try. Beginners Abe. He is a world famous instructor Sensei Jim Lewis. are always welcome, and karate expert and the Chief He ran the lesson in a tradi- we still have new members Instructor of our affiliated tional Japanese style, even starting each lesson. If you’d Japanese organisation. As teaching solely in Japanese, like to know more, check out our special guest, he taught with one of our black belts www.union.ic.ac.uk/acc/ for three hours, and everyone providing translation. Huge shotokankarate. from beginners to black belts thanks to Sanae for doing a All lessons at our club learned a lot from his wisdom brilliant job! are taught by Sensei Lewis and authority and also had a At the start, some of the 7th dan, one of the highest great time. club’s beginners seemed to ranked karate instructors in Sensei Abe started learn- be hiding at the back of the the country, with a highly dis- ing karate in Japan when he class, but they bravely moved Sensei Lewis 7th dan and Sensei Abe 8th dan (front row, from left) with a few Imperial tinguished karate career and was 15 years old. He stud- to the front once they were College Union Shotokan Karate Club members a lot of experience. We are ied under the most respect- spotted. Some people may very lucky to have such a high ed instructors and went on have been slightly scared, but to five completely new tech- tised delivering each move in of our British organisation. ranked instructor, not just to win many of the biggest they needn’t have worried. niques all in one session! the fastest, most natural and When the advanced lesson because of his teaching, but national and international Sensei Abe is a great teacher Throughout the lesson, practical ways possible. This started, he volunteered to also because his reputation competition titles. By the for all levels and helped each we were all in awe of Sensei training has to be my person- stay and teach the beginners brings the best in the world to 1990s, he had been appointed of the beginners individually, Abe’s technique. His style al highlight of the course. the first kata in what became visit our club. Later this year the Technical Director of the and gradually revealed that was not as flashy as some This extra session also a much more informal ses- there will be the chance to Japan Karate Association his English is much better demonstrations, but you could included studying two high sion. Sensei Sidoli was very train with another Japanese (JKA), the original and most than he first let on. see the skill in his speed and level kata: set sequences of encouraging and the begin- master, Sensei Mikio Yahara important Shotokan karate The lesson focused on strength, and his technique blocks, strikes and turns that ners loved the opportunity to 8th dan. organisation. just the basic techniques of appeared perfect. He inspired are the traditional method of ask all their questions without ICUSKC has three train- He is now 66 years old and karate, yet Sensei Abe’s very everyone in the room to try learning karate. A lot of the feeling self-conscious. ing sessions each week in holds 8th dan, one of the clear explanations gave a their hardest throughout the brown belts had never had Over the whole course, eve- the Union gym: Monday 6- highest possible ranks in new insight into how the vari- whole lesson. the chance to even try these ryone enjoyed themselves 8pm, Thursday 8.30-10pm and Shotokan karate. This visit to ous blocks, strikes and kicks After the main lesson was kata before, so it was diffi- immensely and learned even Saturday 10am-12noon. England was planned around work, and why. an extra hour-long advanced cult to keep up with the black more about karate, thanks to To get started, simply come teaching just two classes, one Some new members had class for brown and black belts. Even so, it was a lot of excellent teaching that shone along to one of our sessions of those at our club. We were only been to a couple of les- belts. Sensei Abe focused on fun to try the more spectacu- through the translation. and start learning the art of therefore obviously keen to sons before, but they kept up advanced techniques and lar moves! Sensei Abe’s unique style and Shotokan karate. If you have make the best impression we with the rest of the club bril- some interesting new appli- Also at the course was Sensei gentle nature won him a round any questions, you can email could. liantly. Some even learnt up cations of the basics. We prac- Sidoli 7th dan, the President of applause and a lot of praise Simon at [email protected]. Big hills and vegetarian curry

FELLWANDERERS be rewarded with fabulous barn for the aforementioned views of the surrounding vegetarian curry, featuring national park and not-quite- the intriguing combination of By Chris Mark so-fabulous views of Sellafield cashew nuts and cheese. After nuclear power station as a the washing up had been sub- Boots, rucksacks, manic malevolent white blob on the dued, it was time to break expressions and Sainsbury’s horizon (remind me again out the vino and play a few wine cartons – yes, it must be why they had to build it in one rounds of Werewolf, a bizarre the Fellwanderers again. of the most beautiful parts of and challenging game which It was Friday 29 October and Britain? Still, that explains (eventually) involved Cupid, a our 12 heroes crammed them- why the local sheep glow in wooden spoon, an evil village selves into a gleaming yel- the dark I guess). mayor, and... er...werewolves. low minibus for a seven hour After a quick chocolate stop Enough said, I think. journey to the Lake District on the summit and a quick Sunday morning was a bit (that’s the sticky-out bit just lesson from El Presidente murkier than the previous, south of Scotland, before (Sarah) on the etiquette of so we decided to catch the anyone asks). After a brief dislodging rocks onto peo- Ravenglass-Eskdale steam detour across what felt like ple’s heads (it’s quite alright railway into the hills and then half of Lancashire, we finally as long as you shout some- walk back to the coast and arrived at two in the morning, thing, apparently), we were the minibus along Muncaster unloaded a mountain of kit off again, scrambling onto a Fell, a gentle unchallenging into a barn, mastered the gas- ridge to the north and bag- walk which allowed some powered space heater wos- ging several smaller peaks good navigation practice sname and crawled into our before looping back to along with a brief debate on sleeping bags... just in time to Wastwater where the minibus whether sheep should be be up again to climb Scafell had been strategically posi- marked on maps or not. Pike, the highest mountain tioned by Andy next to the Then finally there was the in England at 987m (which pub. Surprising how drinking ten hour return journey, skil- might not sound like much, real ale against a backdrop of fully planned to allow the but when you’re standing at a flawless sunset can remind overseas Wanderers a good the bottom looking up it’s an you that London isn’t the be- view of spaghetti junction. awful long way to the top!) all and end-all! All in all, a fantastic weekend The Fellwanderers in the Lake District: “987m might not sound like much, but it’s an Anyway, up we went, to Then it was back to the – roll on the next one! awful long way to the top!” Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 11

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Canoeists enjoy wet Welsh weekend

CANOE CLUB how got themselves out on a Whilst rescuing a boat and rock above the falls and were swimmer, Ralph managed Freshers trip 2004 getting back on (Lars after to lose his rather expensive his second swim, Mark after paddles, resulting in a very By Jim Pullen scrambling out of his boat to grumpy tree-hugging hippy. try and help). At this point He went back to the bus, got The Canoe Club’s fresh- Claire’s inazone appeared some lefties and caught us ers trip to Wales found a set upside-down and found a nice up. Several nice grade three of well-organised newbies line down, with no sign of rapids were discovered (to packed and ready to go by Claire (who had swam to the the complete surprise of Lars 6.45am – a new club record side further upstream). in at least one case) and a perhaps? Two minibuses A couple of drinks in the few more swims occurred. positively overflowing with pub were very much needed Fortunately for Ralph, I spot- slightly worried looking fresh- at this point and some inter- ted his watersticks sitting in ers set off from the Union in esting debates were had by an eddy about halfway down a formula one style starting all. We got back to the hut and the run. People were definite- formation. ate large quantities of chilli ly improving at this point as The journey up went with thanks to the dedication of the they figured out that leaning little incident and we were chefs forsaking the pub. The upstream = cold + wet. soon past Birmingham and ancient tradition of climbing Some confusion was had heading into the land of the hut ladder was performed, as to where the get-out was, sheep. Rain was pouring with yours truly being nomi- with myself and Ralph going down at this point and the nated to demonstrate by the for a quick jog to find the prospects of a great paddling dreadlocked wussy one. All minibus. Eventually, all four weekend were high. Loads of the freshers completed the groups ended up at the get- cars laden with boats were challenge successfully, with out together. It was a seri- spotted, including an irritat- some interesting (and some- ously steep mud and leaf ing little one containing four what dodgy-looking) new bank, and some interesting blondes driving at 30mph and Riding the river: two members of the Canoe Club manage to stay afloat techniques invented by Rob. rope techniques were used causing a four-mile tailback. At this point I must confess which involved Rob and Chad The hut was reached a little by quickly jumping out of her got the minibus round and We got on the water in similar to not being fully aware of running headlong down the after midnight and drinking boat and testing the water started sorting things out. groups and did a short paddle what was going on, but for bank (securely harnessed to ensued. Theo’s job as chief temperature. Nick’s missing paddle was down a 1km stretch, practis- some reason most of the girls throw-lines obviously), whilst fire-starter was usurped by After a small amount of located (he’d kindly lent it ing ferry-gliding and break- removed their bras (I seem a boat went bumping up it. Lars and his scouting skills. faffing around, we split into out and was paddling with a ing-in/out on the way down. to remember Rob putting one Finally the teamwork result- In no time, we had a roaring four groups and proceeded off leftie), but there was no sign The section’s best rapid on, but no surprise there). ed in all the kit finding its way fire, which Lars blocked up down the river. Water levels of Rob’s group. After about an occurred at the end, where a Sunday morning started successfully back in/on the with drying wood (oh well). were very high, with the pos- hour, three fifths of them pad- friendly Aussie helped to fish with a few hardcore mem- buses. Most of the John Smiths was sibility of paddling in fields if dled up, the other two having Caroline out. bers getting up to watch Theo Getting changed by the consumed and then we head- one chose to take it. Normal walked out. Some discussion After a little wait, the more and Rob run the gorge. The road proved amusing with a ed to bed at around 3am. grade 1-2 became 2-3 and car- was had as to what to do next experienced paddlers went rest of us arose somewhat lot of drivers taking a keen Saturday started with the nage soon ensued with mul- (it still being only 1.00) and we on down to Cobden’s falls. later and got breakfast and interest in Claire (or possibly fry-up sandwich at the ridicu- tiple swims from a few of the eventually left for the Llugwy Rob set up safety with Ralph the hut sorted out. We left at Lars, we weren’t really sure lously early time of 7am. We paddling newbies. The rapid with much minibus manoeu- and Theo bombing through 11 with some confusion as to which was being hooted at). left at 8.30 and arrived at the next to Beddgelert seemed to vring. it to fish people out at the what river had been decided We stopped for a quick fish lake above the Glaslyn. Some cause the most swims. Both Plas-Y-Brenin and the bottom. I followed Mark and on, how the name was spelt and chip break in Welshpool, interesting warm-up proce- Eventually we got the swim- get-out were rammed with Lars (this guy has no fear). and where it was. Eventually, and some lead-footed action dures ensued, instigated by mers out of the water and the paddlers, but we squeezed Lars swam on the chute we gave up and went to the from the drivers meant that Alice and Paula, much to boats were rescued further the minibuses in somehow. above the falls and I was lower Mawwdach. We divided both buses made it back for the amusement of the pass- downstream, much to the Unfortunately, Lars decided forced to take evasive action, into similar groups to the day the last tube. ing road-sweeper. We got on amusement of the watching to stand on the roof and help leaving Mark to fish him out. before – without Peter (dodgy If you’re interested in trying the lake and got people used grannies on the bridge. unload the boats, apparently I ran the falls OK, much to shoulder), Nina (dodgy knee) canoeing, join us at St Mary’s to paddling on open water. Further swim-tastic fun not caring that the rear of his my relief after my only other and Kai (dodgy cold) – and Pool on Tuesday nights from Apparently Nina had some- was had with much multi-col- club wetsuit had now failed attempt had gone so badly got on the water. 7pm. Alternatively visit how missed the opportunity oured plastic floating through completely and exposed him- wrong. I then got out to watch The first rapid was a lit- the website at www.union. of a capsize drill in the pool, Beddgelert. Once the first self to passing traffic – the the swim-madness occurring. tle difficult for the newbies ic.ac.uk/rcc/canoe or email but she soon made up for it three groups were down, we mental scars are still healing. Lars and Mark had some- and several swims resulted. [email protected]. RAG rundown (and some numbers)

RAG and a prize for the location firmed as 7-13 February next with the strangest name (at year. All the usual fun and my discretion). games is planned: a raid By Chris Jackson midweek, the Monopoly pub RAG Chair RAG raid crawl to end the week, plus many more events yet to be Many people have been ask- Saturday 27 November sees decided! If you have an event ing me what RAG is up to this an invasion of London from in mind, then join us and year. So to save myself from several other university make it happen – just email insanity by constantly saying RAGs. Not wanting to miss [email protected]. the same thing, here is a run- out, we will be there and we down of the events that we hope you will be too. Number time are currently planning: For all of you who want to bring chaos to Central Things have only just got Children in Need London, this is your chance! started, but we have some Boating in fountains, form- cash coming in! The annual BBC appeal is ing a giant conga in Trafalgar Freshers Week made on 19 November and RAG is Square, tiddlywinking down £98.42, and tins in the Union joining in! Oxford Street, streaking shop have made a nice £54.45 On the day we aim to launch through the Bank of England, from all your two pence coins. over 500 balloons from the blagging free items whilst The tins have been replaced Queen’s Lawn. Buying one of doing market research in a with empty ones, so keep giv- these balloons will cost you sex shop or anything else that ing us your coppers – it all a comparatively cheap £1. comes to mind – this is the adds up! The cloakroom at Just one of the ways you can help RAG bring chaos to central London (and raise money at The balloon that is found fur- day to do it! Commemoration Day made the same time): a volunteer conducts some ‘market research’ thest away and returned to £300 through the hard work us will win a fantastic prize, RAG Week 2005 of a few volunteers, so many one who contributed to RAG trying to drink from it at the might just improve the life with further prizes for those thanks to all of them. Finally, via my tankard last week in time. £3.13 does not improve of someone with cancer or in second and third places, RAG Week has been con- I would like to thank every- the Union Bar, even if I was the taste of Abbot Ale but AIDS. Felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

Nightlife [email protected] Turnmills for a tenner Clubbing in a CLUB REVIEW and, in fact, the incredible sound sys- tem in the back room is there thanks cold climate The Gallery to him. There is also the room at the Turnmills far end of the club which serves as £10 a chillout area with live acts, DJ’s, Don’t let the onset of winter put you off HHHHI ambient techno and plenty of ran- doms to talk to. enjoying nocturnal London The first time I went to Turnmills, I And so to the final set of the night, wasn’t that impressed. The people which in my experience is usually The clocks have changed, the wearing shades in November. seemed rude, it felt overcrowded, one of the best. Much, much room nights are drawing in, and it’s dark Another thing to be thinking about the main dance floor felt too much to dance thanks to the lightweights most days before you get home. at this time of year is Christmas. like a corridor and the cloakroom going home, and a nice big chunk Depressing, isn’t it? Well before With no College to get in the way of was more expensive than the only of driving hard trance to give you you all run off to the Health Centre your hedonism, why not try out some other big club I’d been to at the time, that final rush of energy, before with suspected Seasonal Affective clubs that you otherwise couldn’t? Heaven. Since that fateful night how- you have to stumble onto the tube. Disorder, hear me out and I’ll show Afterparties and weeknights are the ever, the ‘Mills has grown on me, and Unfortunately, and to my eternal you that it is in fact the season to best places to meet interesting peo- I now count it as one of my favourite John ‘00’ Fleming shame, I didn’t make it past 6.30am be jolly, especially where nightlife is ple, so get on out there! venues, easily amongst the best in this time (I’m out of practise), but concerned. Don’t forget though, that one of London. exceptionally friendly? the first half hour of the last guy’s OK, I concede that London gets the biggest (or at least most hyped) It’s a joy to wander around, with a The only gripe I have ever had set was promising. Heavy and beat bloody cold this time of year, and nights of the clubbing calendar is seemingly endless supply of nooks with the place is that they insist on driven, large techno undercur- the thought of trekking around the drawing steadily closer – New Year’s and crannies to squeeze yourself never displaying set lists, so you rents with sprinklings of euphoria, city in the silly hours might not Eve. If you’re planning to be in town into, absolutely loads of space to sit have no idea who is playing or when quiet bits, loud bits, fast bits, slow sound like much fun. Forget that. As for NYE, there’ll be no shortage of down, chat and people-watch, mil- to expect them. It seems like a minor bits (mostly fast bits) and plenty of the days get shorter, the nights get choice. Clubs charge multiples of lions of bars, great décor and at least point, but in an age of faceless DJs opportunities to enliven those danc- longer. It’s now possible to go out in their normal entrance tariff and in three separate rooms to check out. it’s hard to know who you are listen- ing shoes that you thought would be the dark, stay up partying all night, return promise you the best way to And that’s before you even get to the ing to and so who to look out for in leaden by now. and crawl home next morning, with- watch the number at the end of the awesome main room. the future. If you are reading this Mr All in all, another fantastic night out ever seeing the sun. Fantastic date go up by one. It may seem a At the peak of the night, when Stix, can you do something about it? out at Turnmills – friendly faces, for the more photosensitive of us while away, but the best events sell all the drinkers have gone home to Just a sheet on the door to the DJ great music, hilarious chats. Totally – when you finally get chucked out out quickly, so look out for a roundup leave more space for the dancing booth would be fine. Thanks! reliable without being predictable, with eyes like saucers after a night of the NYE offerings accross the hardcore, it is a joy to behold and be So, I don’t know who was playing for and all for a bargain £10 before of staggering around in the dark, it’s capital in Felix soon. part of. Lowish ceilings, excellent the first couple of hours I was there, 11.30pm. a lot less harsh if the sun’s not up Simon Clark sound filling the intimate space and but they were good. Chunky, techy Dom Farrell yet. And it’s pretty hard to pull off Nightlife Editor surrounding you, dark with the faint house with a sprinkling of (deep smell of the smoke machine hanging breath) prog, it was great for wind- in the air and the mythical Turnmills ing up to, and they played Sabotage light show (I have never thought it by the Beastie Boys – more brownie to be overly impressive in terms of points to Turnmills. content, but it’s always has an out- After that, I think Corvin Dalek standing effect) including London’s played, followed by Tall Paul and first ever multicolour laser (sadly, John ‘00’ Fleming, and then I assume not in use tonight) in full swing, you Gavyn Mitchell, mainly because can’t help but dance, and neither can the last few times I’ve been to the the 999 people next to you. Throw in Gallery, Gavyn has played the final a shedload of quality music played set of the night. Corvin and Paul may VOLUNTEERS NEEDED! by the world’s most respected DJs have been the other way around, I and you have the perfect recipe for don’t know for sure. Whatever hap- the perfect night. pened though, it was all good. Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at Imperial Which is why, in days when a pro- There were quite a few hours of motion is lucky if it gets to its first uplifting house music to start with. College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or study in birthday, the Gallery has been enter- I don’t really know my tunes or sub- taining London’s sophisticated club- genres so I can’t expand further, Imperial – volunteering will have always something to offer bers on a weekly basis for ten years. but I did hear a wicked remix of This fact alone should give you some Delerium’s Silence, and Cohen vs you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities in our indication of the quality on offer. That Deluxe’s Just Kick! The rest was night, I was going to be introducing fun, but a complete mystery to me. database, so there should be a project for you. one of my new classmates to the joys At around 4am, John Fleming of London clubbing and so I couldn’t came on. I’m pretty sure it was him think of anywhere more appropriate because all of sudden things were or reliable than the Gallery in which trancey – I do know trance, and John The easiest way to get regular updates about volunteering is he should take his first steps into a plays trance. It wasn’t your usual whole new world. uplifting “’Crasher Trance”© though, by signing up to our mailing list. You will receive all the latest We arrived early and paid the it had a much darker, underground, exceptionally student-friendly price tribal feel to it. I would use the word opportunities on a weekly basis, directly to your email inbox. of £10, and we didn’t even have to progressive if I wasn’t so scared of ask. The bouncers asked if we were it and its connotations. Despite this, Simply send us an email to [email protected], students, we flashed our swipe cards his set went down extremely well, as and got tickets with 33% off the usual in fact did all the others, and since clearly stating that you want to receive the weekly news entrance fee. No fuss and friend- by now there was much more space ly bouncers – brownie points for on the dance floor, everybody spent a bulletin and we will do the rest! Turnmills already. good two hours jumping around with Walking down the steps and into their arms in the air. the bar we realised we were pretty I should also mention at this point much the first people there, apart that while all this was going on in Imperial Volunteer Centre from the DJ and his guests, and the main room, things got utter- so took the opportunity to have a ly funked up in the second room. email phone check out proper nosey around. Everywhere Tonight, Sarah Main (Pacha’s star in volunteering 020 www. Imperial Volunteer Centre was empty and the rooms looked Ibiza) was the big cheese in charge @ 7594 imperial.ac.uk/ imperial.ac.uk 8141 volunteering South Kensington campus tiny with no-one in them. Still, this of the floor, and the back room of the Union Building was a good chance to get served Gallery is now just as big a pull as Beit Quadrangle East Basement quickly at the bar and then sit down the main room acts themselves. Nic Linking opportunities for lots of chatting to randoms and Fanciulli has seen his popularity sky- Prince Consort Road people-watching. Did I mention rocket in recent times thanks to his IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION London SW7 2BB that the people at Turnmills are back room residency with Fandango Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 13 Arts The bluffer’s guide: Shakespeare Can Hamlet truly be done backwards? William Gates has seen it

one two minute sketch is a remark- even worse costumes will have you Reduced Shakespeare able feat indeed. The idea promoted crying with laughter. Company is that Shakespeare basically only Yet, within the mirth and the laugh- Criterion Theatre, W1 had four storylines – all of which ter, undertones emanate whereby Lots of Shakespeare really fast he plagiarised – allows this to be the true genius of Shakespeare is Tickets: £10–£32 achieved. portrayed. The last 45 of the 97 min- The aim is, as ever, to make utes are devoted entirely to Hamlet, Being confronted in a theatre by Shakespeare understandable for a described as probably “the greatest three eccentric Americans may not modern audience. The decision to play ever written in the English lan- be your very British cup of tea, espe- rap Othello, in spite of the fact that guage”; performed four times, once cially when they will presume to the actors were, by their own admis- at some length, twice quicker and cram all 37 of William Shakespeare’s sion, “racially challenged”, is one quicker and once backwards. The works into a mere 97 minutes. For attempt at this. Furthermore, the audience becomes involved in a way these three eccentric Americans, I opening sketch, Romeo and Juliet, that is simultaneously educational suggest you make an exception. and amusing. To demonstrate the The Complete Works of William “Cut the crap Hamlet: inner conflict being felt by Ophelia, The Criterion Theatre on Piccadilly – it’s next to Lillywhites Shakespeare – Abridged may sound the audience is split into three, each daunting, even if you have read, my biological clock part representing one of the id, the quickly, the speaker gradually erwise it may be said that the fact studied or seen a fair proportion of ego and the alter-ego that make slowed down and dropped the vol- that there were only two referenc- his works. One of the major achieve- is ticking and I want up her psyche. Beware not to sit in ume of his voice as the power of the es made them ease better into the ments of the performance is to the imaginatively titled Group C. I words he was speaking began to Shakespearean context. However, present Shakespeare in an accessi- babies now!” found myself shouting “Cut the crap become apparent, both to him and the initial aim of the production, to ble manner. Provided, of course, you Hamlet: my biological clock is tick- the audience. When the recitation perform all Shakespeare’s plays in can keep up. is one of the highlights of the pro- ing and I want babies now!” when was over, there was a silent awe. 97 minutes, was achieved with such To manage to fit all 37 of duction. A very masculine Juliet and instructed to do so. I cannot even remember how that hilarity and subtle mysticism that Shakespeare’s plays into such a very camp Romeo frolic in a way that The most incredible part of the silence was broken. little else that is derogatory can be short production would appear dif- would have made Shakespeare him- performance, though (with the It was unsurprising that US elec- said about it. A production that has ficult, yet the performers are able self turn in his grave. Similarly, the possible exception of the Macbeth tion opinions were incorporated into intelligence beneath the mirth, The to do it with some extensive editing, Macbeth sketch is worth the ticket scene), came when one of the three the play, and these may well have Reduced Shakespeare Company is as well as expansive imaginations. price alone. 30 seconds (and that’s recited one of the famous lamenta- detracted slightly from the overall one that really should be enjoyed Fitting all 16 of the comedies into it) of appalling Scottish accents and tion speeches of Hamlet. Beginning momentum of the performance, oth- by all.

Thinking of working for us? See if we work for you.

Outstanding people fit in at CSFB. If you think you could be one of them, an internship could be the next step.

Our Easter program runs for four days in London. It offers first year students the chance to sample life at CSFB and gives a valuable insight into our firm and what we do.

Our Summer Internship runs for eight to ten weeks. It’s your chance to get a more in-depth introduction to the company, and ideal for penultimate year students who are thinking of joining us.

Easter Program – online application deadline 3 December 2004. Summer Program – online application deadline 28 January 2005.

For full details of these programs and to apply, please see our website.

www.csfb.com/standout

© 2004 Credit Suisse First Boston LLC and/or its affiliate companies. All rights reserved. Felix 14 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

[email protected] Film Film listings: see Go Bridget go! What’s On, page 9 Sam e Bridget, new diary

Bridget Jones: The Edge of The story picks up four weeks legged intern, who, on top of being Reason after the first film ended, and we find super-slim, has a knack for doing Bridget (Renée Zellweger) where everything right. Cue Bridget’s Director: Beeban Kidron we left her, blissful and besotted in former boss, womanizing heart- Starring: Renée Zwellweger, Colin the arms of her gorgeous lawyer throb Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant), Firth, Hugh Grant Mark Darcy (Colin Firth). undergoing sex therapy, but has he Length: 108 minutes However, after six weeks the really changed? Certificate: 15 cracks are starting to show and she So Bridget is back to that same Released: Friday 12 November finds his habit of folding underpants question: Mark Darcy or Daniel HHHHI simply too hard to bear. Are his Cleaver? And what could be better upper-class background and school- than having those two fighting over You thought the last movie was hap- ing at Eton, which she describes you? pily ever after? You thought wrong! as “a fascist institution where they We also see the return of chain- As with the first film, The Edge stick a poker up your arse and smoking, ever caring, crazy single- of Reason is based on the novel by you’re not allowed to remove it for ton friends who are always on hand Helen Fielding organised as a diary the rest of your life” going to drive by Bridget, a London-based ‘single- them apart? ton’ and (high-flying) journalist with Bridget’s petty jealousies are also “Those of you with an often disastrous social life and starting to get the better of her, and the Y chromosome The blind leading the blind an unfortunate capacity for alcohol, their relationship. Among these is cigarettes and calories. her suspicion about Mark’s long- may have been of Bridget’s disaster-strewn adven- a skintight gold dress – not her most tures. Unlike many sequels, this ulti- flattering moment! dreading the release mate chick flick managed to exceed Those of you with the Y chromo- our expectations and keep us capti- some may have been dreading the of this film but...” vated throughout. release of this film, but if you are Despite using some of the same dragged along, you will be pleas- to offer relationship advice, but gags as the first film, we see Bridget antly surprised and we guarantee should she listen to them? and company extend the boundaries it will put a smile on your face! This is a story that travels from of their London base to explore plac- For us fairer sex, this is the ulti- the streets of London to the slopes of es further afield, with new delights mate feel-good film and perfect for a the Alps and the shores of Thailand of Thai girls, boys and magic mush- great girls’ night out. It is a comfort – and finds Bridget skydiving (or rooms. The soundtrack is impres- to all women, single and attached, falling), skiing (sort of) and finding sive and if Hugh Grant and Colin that even dating Mark Darcy has its herself in a few unfortunate cir- Firth are not enough, we also see downfalls. cumstances. Ms Jones flies from an appearance of the lovely Paul The light-hearted storyline had us embarrassing situation to romantic Nicholls! in stitches from the opening scene misunderstanding, still managing to Again, we see the cast work well of Bridget’s sky-dive into pig excre- muddle through in this continuation together. Zellweger, having inflicted ment to the second round of Darcy of the trials and tribulations of the her body with an alarming weight vs Cleaver, which takes place in our single working woman. gain for a second time, remasters very own Hyde Park (if only we’d If you liked Bridget Jones’ Diary, both a British accent and the skil- been there). three years was well worth the ful physical comedy that sees her Sarah Mayles and Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy ‘battling’ it out for Bridget’s affection wait to see this next installment negotiate the Annual Law Dinner in Rakhi Sehmi Bad Santa, good movie teaches Willie the real meaning of he is with life. Thornton shows yet Tony Cox steals the show though a young boy is one of Willie’s wildest Bad Santa Christmas. another example of his versatility as the devilish vulgar midget, with moments. Director: Terry Zwigoff Every character in this blackest in this film, along with his previ- comical white elf ears. That said, I couldn’t help but Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Tony of black comedies was funny, quirky ous roles as Jacob Mitchell in A The film is full of swearing, a small laugh. This film was harsh but hilar- Stark, Brent Kelly, Lauren Graham, and strange: three words that also Simple Plan or Hank Grotowski in amount of nudity, lots of suggestive ious, the script was comedy. I would Bernie Mac describe the film. Bad Santa does Monster’s Ball. sexual acts and violence. Beating up watch it again. Length: 92 minutes its own thing and is one of a kind. The Kid is an oddball. Willie and Each performer took hold of their The Kid make the mildest connec- Certificate: 15 role naturally and comfortably, with tion at first, which grows slightly HHHHI exception of The Kid, whose awk- throughout the film. It is unlike any wardness was purposeful. other predictable “bad man turns Willie (Billy Bob Thornton) has to Willie exudes bad behaviour and good” film in this way, because even be the worst Santa Claus ever. He foul language. He’s a sad pathetic though Willie learns to care for The vomits on alley walls, swears at the loser, and Billy Bob Thornton is Kid, he is still a rude, crude drunk children, pisses himself and comes and a bad man. into work drunk. “The film is full of Not one character in this film is an The odd thing about this Santa average Joe or normal in any way, Claus is his lack of Christmas spirit, swearing, a small including the Jewish barmaid with a and the fact that he’s also a con- Santa fetish. This film has the most man, robbing each department amount of nudity, lots unusual and out of the ordinary plot, store on each Christmas Eve, with which gives it originality and is one a small dwarf (Tony Stark) as an of suggestive sexual reason above all to like the movie. accomplice. This strategy becomes The Kid’s incongruity is the key complicated, however, when Willie acts and violence...” to producing comic value here. meets a bizarre eight-year-old child That is why this movie will offend. (Brett Kelly) who he exploits when excellent in this role. He looks mal- Most of the jokes are targeted at the he needs a place to stay. As the days nourished – the smallest, dirtiest strange, overly large child. In a way, go by, Willie seems to care more Santa Claus ever seen. His hound it just doesn’t seem right to laugh at and more for The Kid, and The Kid dog looks emanate how unhappy it, or at Willie’s pathetic existence. Does Willie like children? Want to review films, get free tickets and go to previews? Write for Felix Film! Email Alan on [email protected] Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 15

FILM [email protected] Can you hold a Grudge against this? It never forgives. It never forgets Ringu and the series of American has a job in a care centre, a nice boy- The Grudge remakes of foreign cult classics such friend and speaks great Japanese. Director: Takashi Shimizu as The Ring or Vanilla Sky. It seems Of course this isn’t going to scare Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jason like Hollywood has seen potential anyone, so the writer decides to Behr, Bill Pullman in the foreign film markets and is spice things up and sends her off to Length: 92 minutes interested in getting a good slice care for a mysterious old lady that Certificate: 15 of the benefits by remaking films spends all day in a daze. Unluckily HHHHI that have proved popular in their for Karen, the lady’s house turns out country of origin. The basic formula to harbour a terrible curse. Spine-chilling horror, teeth-grinding seems to be to select a good film, You see, legend has it that when suspense and a dash of gore. This throw some money at it, cast a hot someone dies in the grip of a power- and plenty more is what you’ll get Hollywood lead (in this case read ful rage, a curse is born that gathers from watching The Grudge, the new Sarah Michelle Gellar) and shove it in the place of death and those who thriller brought to you by Sam Raimi, right back on the market. The result encounter it will be consumed by its which had me cowering in my seat is usually a good film and significant fury. Bad news for Karen, but good for the whole of its duration. revenue. Just so that you get an idea, this The Grudge tells the story of Karen “Legend has it that film is very much in line with the Davis (Sarah Michelle Gellar), an other displays of modern Japanese American student working at a care when someone dies horror, as seen in Dark Water or centre in Tokyo. She seems happy, “Tastes like chicken...” in the grip of rage, a duced and killed off within minutes. American remake of a Japanese hit curse is born...” This, added to some unconvincing film. Shimizu had previously writ- acting, renders it quite difficult for ten and directed Ju-on: The Grudge news for horror movie buffs and the audience to establish a solid in Japan as a remake of a couple anyone who fancies a fright. bond with any of the characters. of straight-to-video releases based Seriously, mark my words, this The Grudge is also slightly repeti- on the same concept. The videos film is scary. I consider myself to tive and you’ll find yourself guessing were, in turn, inspired by a short be a pretty brave kinda guy, but this what is coming next. However, this original film, released back in 1998. movie actually made people scream is probably what makes the atmos- A total of five films all based on the in the theatre on several occasions. phere so terrifying throughout the same original idea have granted the May I also add: never has the sound film: the fear of what’s coming. The director complete control over your of a burp been so terrifying. movie is all about psychological hor- bowels. Each noise, each camera This won’t be winning any awards ror and you’ll find yourself com- angle, each sudden volume rise is in a hurry, though. Even though pletely absorbed each time someone perfectly timed and will have you the original idea is solid, the story goes up the winding staircase or looking over your shoulder on the development is a bit poor. The main walks down the claustrophobic hall- lonely walk home. problem is the lack of character way. The director has elevated the So if you’re looking for a scary development. The story unfolds as art of ‘scaring the hell out of you’ to movie that will get your new girl- a mixture of scenes and flashbacks a whole new level. friend to cling on to you for protec- corresponding to different points Then again, he has made the film tion, beware: you may find you’re within the timeline, resulting in a enough times to get the balance not that brave either. “Right. Who farted?!” series of characters that get intro- right. The Grudge is not just an Ignacio Quinones

Books [email protected] The ultimate sacrifice To coincide with Armistice Day 2004, Oliver Finn tells us about the war novel that you must read

dozens, hundreds or even thou- death of the front lines in World War small measure of what happened on All Quiet on the sands, but millions of men, some One. The book is quite simply the those bloody fields so long ago. Western Front only boys, of various nationali- most moving that I have ever read The haunting notes of the last post Erich Maria Remarque ties lying across the battle lines – at several points it brought tears played at memorials around the HHHHH through France, Belgium and the to my eyes. world will for me, and probably any Netherlands. The sheer scale of In one scene, the soldier is pinned reader of this book, never be the Thursday 11 November is Armistice slaughter occurring at battles such down in a shell crater in no man’s same again. Day 2004. On this day in 1918, the as Paschendale, The Somme and land with an enemy soldier whom Everyone should read this book. ‘war to end all wars’ finally came Ypres is hard to comprehend. What he has just bayoneted. Unable to to an end; the guns which for over those few living veterans parading move on, the main character can four years had pounded the sol- past the Cenotaph in London this only watch the man in front of him “... like Saving diers of both sides finally fell silent. weekend went through just can- die slowly. Associated with this date in is not be fully understood by someone The power of the story lies in the Private Ryan, but the Royal British Legion’s poppy who was not there. way you can easily see why the char- with ten times the appeal, inspired by the vast fields In All Quiet on the Western Front, acter feels how he does. Because of of poppies that grow on the bat- the author endeavours to give read- the way the story is told, it makes realism” tlefields of Europe. Armistice Day ers some idea of what these men you put yourself in the place of the is not just about giving to charity; went through. It is not a book of unknown soldier and causes you to It promotes respect for those who it is a memorial to those who have action, adventure and heroics. It think how you would react and feel have fallen, understanding for lost their lives in service of their is not a Hollywood tale of drama in the same situation. other servicemen and women, and country. and flag waving. The book tells the All Quiet on the Western Front provides a wakeup call to those of War is a terrible thing. Today’s story of a group of friends who was first published in 1929 and us who still think that war is ‘fun’ media goes to great length to dis- leave their school after a patriotic seen as one of the most compel- and whose perceptions come from play the dozens or hundreds of speech by their teacher to sign on ling anti-war arguments ever writ- glorified Hollywood propaganda. casualties occurring in current con- in the German army. It follows one ten. Shortly after its publication, The book is like Saving Private flicts around the world. In the First of the boys from his initial training trenches; and in disturbing detail the book was made into a film. Ryan, but with ten times the World War, the casualties were not through to his experiences in the describes the carnage and the After reading it, you can see some realism. Felix 16 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

Coffee Break [email protected] Coffee Break is back, yet again. Send your answers and team names in to [email protected]. There’s a big prize at the end of it for the team who gives us lots of right answers. So you may as well enter, got it? Good, let’s get cracking... Cryptic corner Goonies never say die!

I don’t think we’re being too contro- ?: I’m gonna hit you so hard that Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, No. 2: RSA Magna versial here by saying The Goonies when you wake up your clothes will I knocked my sister Edie down the The Cryptic Cat invites you to try something a little easier and more rocked in a way that only mid-eight- be out of style! stairs and I blamed it on the dog... entertaining this week. You’ll be perfroming the RSA Magna on these ies films can. It was an essential When my mom sent me to the sum- phrases below, in particular the singular, a ragman, rearrangement. All part of growing up for people of Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys’ll mer camp for fat kids and then they the answers should be of a kind. a certain age, and if you haven’t never believe me. There was two served lunch I got nuts and I pigged watched it, trust us here, you’re cop cars, okay? And they were chas- out and they kicked me out... But the really really missing out. For no ing this four-wheel deal, this real worst thing I ever done... I mixed a I’m Tory plan B particular reason, we’re doing a lit- neat ORV, and there were bullets pot of fake puke at home and then tle Goonies quote quiz this week. All flying all over the place. It was the I went to this movie theater, hid you have to do is work out who said most amazing thing I ever saw! the puke in my jacket, climbed up the following. ?: More amazing than the time to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I’m an evil Tory Bigot Michael Jackson came over to your I made a noise like this: hua-hua- Mouth: Is this supposed to be house to use the bathroom? hua-huaaaaaaa, and then I dumped water? it over the side, all over the people ?: It’s wet, ain’t it? Drink it! Francis Fratelli: Tell us every- in the audience. And then, this was A Charm tart, get her! thing! Everything! horrible, all the people started get- ?: Lookit! I got an idea. Why don’t ?: Everything. OK! I’ll talk! In ting sick and throwing up all over we just put chocolate all over the third grade, I cheated on my history each other. I never felt so bad in my floor and let Chunk eat his way exam. In fourth grade, I stole my entire life! He grew bogus through? uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my ?: Holy S-H-I-T!

Brandon Data Mikey Sloth Mouth Mama Fratelli Chunk

The Blair Film Project

After last weeks attack of George ‘Dubya’ Bush, we here at Coffee Break agreed that the only way for- ward was to humiliate his ‘closest ally’, Tony Blair. Once again, we have used our skills and world renowned contacts to uncover Tony’s secret career as a Z-list celebrity (I can see a pat- tern emerging here!), before he embarked on his life in politics. I think you’ll agree that his port- folio is impressive, but we need you to tell us who eventually starred in these roles and in which films?

2 1 3 5 6 7

4 Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 17

COFFEE BREAK [email protected]

Dead or alive? FUCWITs Look, we’d better be honest with you, In todays’s celebrity-obsessed world, the life span of a Z-lister is just a matter of months. Of course, there was we’re not getting enough entries to make an even halfway respectable a time when celebrities would hang around for ages, getting fat and old and eventually passing on to the great looking FUCWIT League. You guys sitcom in the sky. However, some of them choose to hang around, just getting fat and old and older. All you should enter! It’s not like it’s difficult is it? Our very bare looking league have to do is work out which of these ‘stars’ are still around today. is somebody’s for the taking. Just think, your name could be printed here and you could win our prizes, just for the hassle of emailing some answers to [email protected]. Okay enough begging, we’re start- ing to sound desperate. This week we have four things for you to do: Cryptic Corner : There’s three points for each clue deciphered, but if you get one, you should be able to get the rest Goonies Never Say Die: There’s two points for each correctly identi- fied quote The Blair Film Project: There’s The hilarious Graham Chapman George Wendt played Norm in The lovely looking Anne Haddy, bet- What a legend. Slacker, smoker, two points for each picture – one for was a major part of Monty Python’s Cheers, and his character still grac- ter known as Helen Daniels from drinker, Greengrass was the dog’s the film, and one for the character Flying Circus. But where is he es our screens today. He doesnt look Neighours. Is she enjoying retire- bollocks in Heartbeat. Is he still that Blair is replacing. now? too healthy in this picture, so is he ment in Oz or has she popped her smiling today? Dead or alive? Dead or Alive: Tell us if the celeb- dead or alive? clogs for good? rity in the picture is dead or alive, and you’ll get two points for each correct answer.

FUCWIT LEAGUE 2004-5

Management Slackers 21 points

The B Team 11 points

See you next time 11 points

Team Win 8 points Ahh do you all remember Lassie? Uncle Albert was old in Only Fools No need for me to give this man any Julie Kemp, or Julie Goodyear MBE Well she was a fit and healthy dog and Horses. He died in the show, but introduction, you all know who he as she should be known, is looking back then, but how is she doing how about real life? Was that just for is. So tell us if this Bond has died very alive in this picture, but make- Send in your entries to now? Is she dead or alive? retirement or did something else from his crazy lifestyle of too many up is always a good disguise. Dead [email protected] happen? Dead or alive? women and too many Martinis. or alive?

Felix Crossword 1305 by Fishface

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down 1. In sermons, terrible beast (7) 1. Church service in front of incom- 5. Non-permanent worker queens plete European muscle manipu- frames of mind (7) lator (7) 9 10 9. South Easterners drink fluid (5) 2. Prickly thorn gives direction (5) Apologies for the lack of anything 10. For locating objects in tundra 3. Speed within totem pole (5) interesting and witty here. It’s 2am, darkness (5) 4. Cloud of anger in cluttered mis- and this fish has far too much to 11. East African citizen hit English take (3,4) do... Fishface 11 12 piano curiously (9) 5. Rough terrain shoe (7) 12. Enlist two points and turn with- 6. Killing eccentrically erring mud out fifty (5) (9) 13. Beautiful German and one 7. Ancient tree (5) 13 14 15 American in tirade (7) 8. Unused Knight, we hear, add! 15. Dear Sir mutilated the attackers (7) 17 (7) 14. Spaceman is roast blasted before 16. Stir wet stormy tornado (7) zero, we hear (9) 18. Grind, ie. grain, an African state 16. Pooh’s bouncy friend gets royal 16 17 18 19 (7) catch (7) 20. One gram toilet house (5) 17. Cock list holding ball (7) 22. Butchered 17 without rivers pre- 18. Crazier hard fruit layer (7) cedes track back specialist (9) 19. Cross the late sportsman (7) 20 21 24 22 23 24 25. Greek letter publication in 21. Cook 1000 meal making a math- reverse, endless publication (5) ematical statement (5) 26. Lift up and destroy completely, 23. Man-eating giants king goes we’re told (5) awkwardly (5) Issue 1304 solution 25 26 27. Apparatus to produce energy 24. Genial ibis contains crime cover P L D K I G G T O R L A E R R about thespian (7) story (5) F O R E C A S T V E X C E E D 28. Breathe about steeple (7) S F A E T M O H E C M C A A T S T O P E B L A N K V E R S E 27 29 28 D I T A R L E M S L R S I O E R E C E D E P E V E N S O N G X S N V P H I S E S C I A F F For a THIRD successive week, our crossword winner is P T R A G I C I S O B A R O E U L N R N P A T B O L L E R Karen Osmond, Computing IV. Come on, the rest of you...! T A L E N T E D O M E E K L Y Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page down to the Felix office in I B S S A E L V T U O N B I A the West Wing of Beit Quad. Each week, we’ll choose a winner and print their name, thus C O N C U R R E N T G F L A G N A I E T R I R E I I A A B T providing them with almost unlimited kudos and self-satisfaction. Everyone who provides C R I N G E V T A N G I B L E us with a correct solution will get an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year E D G T O D E F T Y T R I U M Felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

SPORT [email protected] Imperial firsts too strong for Kent Rugby boys’ first loss FOOTBALL slotted home the winner to est in a crowded box to head ‘keeper managed to get to it justify his massive fantasy take three points and second the firsts in front. first. football price tag, took advan- Sponsored by spot in the table. Minutes later, Marcos- Although Imperial came tage of a poor Kent throw-in RUGBY The first half was a physi- Walker found Wright with a close, it was Kent who found deep in their half. He dispos- cal affair, with Wright and superb pass, but the captain the back of the net. After a sessed the defender and slot- Sponsored by Benji Marcos-Walker having fired wide. The pressure was rare spell of Kent possession, ted the ball past the ‘keeper to work hard against some building and Kent were glad a cross came in from the left from a tight angle. An exuber- Imperial Men’s 1st 2 strong Kent defenders. At the to hear the half time whistle and the striker got to it first to ant celebration followed, but Kent Men’s 1st 1 other end, Kent were finding blow. head home the equaliser. the game was not yet won. it difficult to penetrate the Imperial started the sec- Kent noticeably grew in Substitutes Greedy and By Tom Gray back line of Woodcock, Farr, ond half brightly; a couple confidence after equalising, Torossian were then brought Mills and Gray, and when of attacks nearly conjured but Imperial worked hard in and worked hard during The flagship team of they did, ‘keeper Vasquez was up goals straight after the to get back on top. Vasquez the final moments of the Imperial Football Club sent on top form in between the restart. They were playing was playing brilliantly in game, but neither side could Imperial Men’s 1st 10 a tough Kent side packing sticks. Imperial battled well entertaining football and got the Imperial goal, fighting create a clear cut chance. Buckinghamshire at Harlington on Wednesday and earned the right to play the ball out wide much more bravely to claim a dangerous The final whistle blew and Chilterns Men’s 1st 18 afternoon. with McMahon and Berks than in previous weeks. Gray looking Kent corner from the Imperial took all three points, Joe McMahon’s first goal looking tenacious in the cen- and Ward were combining left. Imperial thought their lifting them to second in the By Mike Hicks of the season put the boys tre of midfield. down the right with Sugito chance to regain the lead table. in blue and black ahead, but Midway through the half, and Woodcock looking dan- had come when Wright was This solid, convincing Having not lost so far this Kent’s number ten equalised Kent’s ‘keeper pushed a low gerous on the left. scythed down in the box, but performance showed that season, the ICURFC First XV after some lacklustre mark- shot from Marcos-Walker It could have been 2-0 when appeals for a penalty were Imperial are real title con- were confident of another vic- ing in the Imperial penalty around the post. Woodcock a far post cross from the denied for the third time this tenders in the tough BUSA tory. Sadly, Bucks Chilterns area. The firsts saw this as a delivered the resulting cor- left was headed back across season. league. were in the same position! wake-up call, and Oli Wright ner and McMahon rose high- goal by McMahon, but Kent’s Wright, perhaps looking to The game started with some strong pressure from the Bucks pack in our 22, and we knew we were in for a hard fought forwards battle. A ‘Herty’ victory To add to this, whenever we cleared the ball up field, a good opposition back three FOOTBALL breached by an insertion fraid of competing with the sent it straight back! against the run of play. In keeper and the two lumber- This lead to Bucks spend- Imperial Men’s 3rd 3 short, the little lad who liked ing centre halves. Scott hung ing most of the first half Hertfordshire Men’s 3rd 2 to ping it from the edge of the back slightly, then stuck a inside our half, but the strong box caught one well and it toe into the mélée, connected Imperial defence conceded By John Scott eluded Matty and went in. with the ball and crisply fin- just six points via penalties. The defence were riled ished it. At half time we knew we Many years ago, in a land far – unused to being scored At three-one up against the had to raise our game and away, a wise man said: “a win against, they proceeded to leaders of our BUSA group, play to our strengths, not is a win, a draw is a draw, just play the games of their young I don’t think that we could theirs. Some good pressure don’t lose”. This man subse- lives. Shat-Ruso in the centre be reproached for becoming lead to Bucks conceding a quently died – people got pis- solidly repelled wave after a little complacent. So much penalty on their 22, making sed off with him stating the wave of attack. Displaying a so, in fact, that Shatters it 6-3. Unfortunately, as we obvious and killed him. symbiosis that would make decided to ring the changes. started to gain momentum, a It was with this tragic death commensal bacteria blush He thought that we should clearance kick on our 5m line imprinted on our young minds with envy, Timmy and Tom all go to the bar and leave was charged down and Bucks that we rode the ‘Venga Bus’ at fullback were like angry rudimentary scarecrows in scored under the posts, giv- out to Hatfield, to do battle beasts, letting nothing past our places to see whether ing them a 13-3 lead. with the evil Hertfordshire and providing a good plat- they could hold on to the lead. The Bucks captain was sent Thirds. Our fellowship was form for forays forward. We said that this was mad- for ten minutes off the field for slightly weakened by the loss Perry, ever the architect ness, so he decided to swap interfering with the ball in the of key players, such as Dom of mayhem, led his marker Ben with Perry and leave him ruck, which had been happen- ‘The Idiotic’, a hardy dwarf a merry dance on a looping with ten scarecrow team- ing all game. Unfortunately, from the land of the North, The Imperial Thirds, before being replaced by scarecrows dummy run. The ball broke mates. we couldn’t capitalise on Jan ‘The Fullback’ and Adam at the end of the match kindly to Scott on the edge The plan was a bold one and this advantage. The frustra- ‘The Facial Hair’. of the box, who turned like it nearly worked perfectly. tion began to boil over in the However, our intrepid traded insults until suddenly Leon down the right. Leon a roundabout and sent an Hertfordshire couldn’t work Imperial ranks, culminating leader Shatters filled the gap- Imperial Thirds took a dra- hit the byline and cut back unstoppable pea-roller past out how to get past Ben and in Higgins being shown a ing chasm by calling up Ben matic lead. Matty Orford the cheekiest of cheeky cut- the floundering keeper. Two- the scarecrows. They scored straight red for stamping and from the fifths and tinkering unleashed a trademark ‘big backs, which was dummied one, game on. once in the dying minutes, facing a lengthy ban. with the formation. kick’ from the back. Leon, by the effervescent Perry After the restart, service a goal which I’m told Matty Down to 14 men, we bat- The match began with a who all game was at his twin- before being dispatched into resumed as normal, and John scarecrow could have done tled on with the game still minute’s half-silence for the kling best, allowed the ball the far corner by a jubilant and Has picked up where better with, however Ben did within our grasp. Good pres- aforementioned murdered to drop over his head and Scott. they had left off, harrying and a good job. So it ended a very sure lead to Bucks conceding man. then nonchalantly volleyed it The lead was short-lived playing peachy killer balls. respectable three-two to the a penalty, and a good kick put The game started in a blus- in to ‘the Scott’ who turned – our normally rock solid Another ‘big kick’ by Matty Imperial. Well done chaps, us on the opposition 5m line. tering fashion. Each side on a sixpence and released rear was unceremoniously was charged on by Has, una- let’s keep it going. From the lineout, a classic drive on the second jumper lead to captain Hicks going over for a try. This was con- verted by Spencer, and sud- Fourths held by Goldsmiths denly at 13-10 we were right back in it. FOOTBALL passing, movement and over- win a corner on the right, form. It got worse for shell- speedy midfielder, somehow However, some mis-com- all effort. Opportunities were and despite clearing the ini- shocked Goldsmiths when free in the middle of the box, munication at a maul near Imperial Men’s 4th 2 being carved out from all tial cross, some neat passing Dave ‘the Hippy’ looped a kneed the ball past Vanni. our line lead to several oppo- Goldsmiths Men’s 1st 2 areas of the pitch, but special from Goldsmiths saw their ‘flower powered’ shot from 25 Unlike previous games, sition forwards breaking off. credit goes to Demetris and striker break clear and tuck yards out. The ‘keeper was Imperial were spurred on While the entire Imperial By Michael Nicholson Tony who caused all sorts of a neat finish past Vanni. fooled, thinking it would go and really should have taken pack defended against the problems down the right. An Imperial refused to buckle well over the bar, but it looped all three points. But Jai and players without the ball, the Theoretically this was the Imperial goal seemed immi- and pressed on, but the neatly over his head into the Shwin both spurned decent ones with it ran over for a try, toughest game of the sea- nent, but Goldsmiths’ experi- Goldsmiths’ ‘keeper’s omi- net, giving ‘the Hippy’ his first chances and the Goldsmiths making it 18-10. son so far for the Fourths. enced ‘keeper had an excel- nous good form kept the half ever strike in an Imperial jer- ‘keeper made two absolutely With the game now all but Goldsmiths are always a lent game, controlling his box time score one-nil. sey and giving the Fourths blinding saves from Chris over, another yellow card was strong unit, and approached well and making saves when The second half was still the lead. Parrot, excelling yet again on shown and Aung was sent to this game with added confi- needed. young when Imperial forced a However, the game ended the left. the sin bin for some unneces- dence after triumphing in the Goldsmiths began to take corner on the right. Demetris in a typical Fourth team The final whistle denied sary footwork in a ruck. Cup last season. hold of the midfield, and produced a perfect cross, fashion, with the opposition the Fourths the win they Next week we face Reading, It was, however, Imperial clawed themselves back which was headed home like being gifted a scrappy goal. deserved. It was, however, a knowing that victory is a must who started the match with into the match. A sustained a bullet by Shwin continuing A cross from the right wasn’t performance they could be to stay in contention for pro- greater vigour, with excellent period of pressure saw them his excellent goal-scoring dealt with properly and their proud of. motion. Felix Thursday 11 November 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

SPORT [email protected] Mojo recovered Results HOCKEY to flick the ball past the oppo- sition. These skills clearly HOCKEY Queen Mary Men’s 1st 3 Queen Mary Men’s 4th 1 Holloway Women’s 1st 0 wowed the keeper who then WEDNESDAY Imperial Men’s 2nd 0 Imperial Men’s 6th 1 Imperial Women’s 1st 2 calculated that the only way Canterbury CC Men’s 1st 5 to stop the impending goal 3 NOVEMBER Imperial Men’s 1st 4 UCL Women’s 1st 2 Imperial Men’s 7th 1 By Cindy Drinnan would be to run into Moonie Imperial Women’s 1st 3 Holloway Men’s 6th 8 at full speed... but it didn’t BADMINTON Brighton Men’s 2nd 7 Another year, another work, she still scored! Imperial Men’s 2nd 1 TENNIS grudge match against Royal Although it is not reflected LSE Men’s 2nd 1 Holloway. To be honest, it in the scoreline, Imperial con- Imperial Men’s 2nd 7 Reading Men’s 2nd 13 Imperial Men’s 1st 0 SUNDAY was about time we beat the tinued to dominate in the sec- Imperial Men’s 3rd 0 UCL Men’s 2nd 10 jailbirds after letting them ond half. In fact, so much time LSE Women’s 1st 5 7 NOVEMBER leave with three points on was spent in the opposition’s Imperial Women’s 1st 4 Imperial Medicals Men’s 3rd 9 King’s Women’s 1st 0 too many occasions in the half of the pitch that Tyson Imperial Men’s 4th 0 Imperial Women’s 1st 10 SQUASH past. And beat them we did, had to work hard to keep our BASKETBALL in convincing fashion. goalkeeper Spanner awake. Holloway Women’s 1st 0 VOLLEYBALL Imperial Men’s 3rd 5 We hit them hard from the Royal Holloway tried their Imperial Men’s 1st 71 Imperial Women’s 1st 2 Imperial Medicals Men’s 1st 0 push back and were camped best to taste a slice of the South Bank Men’s 1st 64 Brunel Women’s 1st 1 in their 25 for the whole first goal pie, but their efforts were NETBALL Imperial Women’s 1st 3 half of the game. The score in to little avail. One player even FENCING fact could have been 10-0, but attempted to take her frus- Imperial Women’s 1st 40 MONDAY we thought it best to spare tration out on poor Womble. King’s Men’s 1st 74 Westminster Women’s 1st 33 SATURDAY Royal Holloway any embar- Fortunately, she’s a hard nut Imperial Men’s 1st 135 8 NOVEMBER rassment and just pop in a and can take it. St Mary’s Women’s 3rd 32 6 NOVEMBER cheeky two. As the final whistle declared FOOTBALL Imperial Women’s 2nd 15 NETBALL The first goal came from we had achieved our first win FOOTBALL Chardonnay, as she followed of the season, the excite- Imperial Men’s 1st 2 RUGBY Royal Free & Univ Coll Medical up a great cross from DJ ment could not be contained. Kent Men’s 1st 1 Imperial Men’s 1st 3 School Women’s 2nd 15 Flush. This was Chardonnay’s People were crying and hug- Bucks Chilterns Men’s 1st 18 St Bart’s Men’s 1st 0 Imperial Women’s 2nd 8 debut goal for the firsts, and ging each other all over the Luton Men’s 3rd 0 Imperial Men’s 1st 10 the whole team could not help place... well, not quite, but we Imperial Men’s 2nd 2 UCL Men’s 1st 4 SQUASH but join in her elation. There were very pleased! Imperial Men’s 2nd 17 Imperial Men’s 2nd 2 was a definite few minutes Big thanks go to Spellcheck Hertfordshire Men’s 3rd 2 Brunel Men’s 3rd 12 Imperial Men’s 3rd 2 of very girly jumping up and for taking on the big yellow Imperial Men’s 3rd 3 St George’s Hosp Men’s 1st 2 UCL Men’s 2nd 3 down and screaming before fun bus and especially for Canterbury CC Men’s 2nd 17 Imperial Men’s 3rd 1 we decided to resume play. stopping at McDonalds on the GKT Men’s 2nd 2 Imperial Men’s 3rd 12 Not long after, Moonie (man way home. Also to whoever Imperial Men’s 4th 1 Imperial Men’s 4th 2 of the match) scored a second brought the lovely strawberry SQUASH Goldsmiths Men’s 1st 2 goal for Imperial. The pass cocktails... there was no bet- Imperial Men’s 5th 4 came from Anticlimax, who ter way to celebrate our glori- Royal School of Mines Imperial Men’s 1st 1 Imperial Men’s 5th 2 used some nifty stick skills ous victory. Men’s 1st 0 King’s Men’s 1st 4 King’s Men’s 4th 1

Web Cast Assistant (Part-time evening position)

7city Learning is Europe's most successful training company teaching towards examinations and product skills for the financial services industry. As the leading training provider to many of the world’s most prominent financial institutions, 7city has become synonymous with quality and innovation.

The Company – 7city provides a full range of exam training solutions for qualifications administered by the Securities Institute, UK Society of Investment Professionals and the CFA Institute. In addition to introducing the Certificate in Quantitative Finance, we deliver a core curriculum of continuing professional development programmes to the world’s largest investment banks and fund management houses. With our flagship training centre next to the Bank of England, 7city is responsible for training thousands of investment professionals every year.

Our Requirement – 7city provide evening web cast tuition to delegates in NY and Europe. We require an undergraduate with an IT background to initiate and oversee Web Casts on Monday and Wednesday and some Fridays. The web casts occur between 6pm to 9pm. On completion of web cast, there will be 30 minutes of editing and ftp work. There will also be ad-hoc data cleaning tasks during the web cast.

To find out further information, please email your cv with a daytime telephone number to [email protected].

7city Learning Limited is a subsidiary of 7city Group PLC. www.7city.com Felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 11 November 2004

Sport [email protected] Imperial shoot at Cambridge

SHOOTING We met and set off from a large 11 point rifle range, members could not make This gave the Cambridge a return match, for them to Kings Cross, and all man- and a separate air weapons it (Tim decided that Clay shooters a great advantage, come and shoot in London, Cambridge Univ 957 aged to get on the right train range capable of holding Pigeon shooting was more but they were all impressed and then we will be able Imperial College 927 despite someone not meeting around 15 people. It is no appealing) and that meant by how well we did. Despite to beat them on our home us at the station! After about wonder with these facilities that we had to use someone our disadvantages, we had ground. By Sam Dash 45 minutes of misty country- that this is the Rifle Club who had not shot a rifle in six a great shoot, and everyone After the match Isao, side and much talking, we that not only won the BUSA months. really enjoyed it Gary and Shan went back to Last Saturday, Imperial arrived in Cambridge. Rifle Championship but also We also had two beginners It is worth pointing out London, while the rest of us College Rifle and Pistol The Cambridge range is in produced the last Queens with us. One of them, Fan, that the highest scorer from enjoyed a formal dinner at Club set off with seven fine a really weird place, under Prize winner. To win the had shot only once before, Cambridge achieved 195 Emmanuel College with the shooters for match against a bridge, so weird that even Queens Prize is considered but was willing to give it a and the rest of their team Cambridge team. After lots Cambridge University Rifle the taxi driver didn’t know it to be the highest achieve- try and did really well. We got scores above 189. The of wine, a few table football Club. It was a smallbore was there! When we arrived, ment in the rifle shooting were also not using our own Imperial College team would matches at the college bar rifle match, shot indoors, at we were treated to a small world. rifles, due to difficulties with usually get above this on a and a random Greek party at 25 yards with teams of five tour of their really large Admittedly we were the transporting weapons. This normal day, if not more. You Darwin College, we headed shooting two cards totalling range. They have a huge underdogs in this competi- meant that no-one was used will be pleased to know that to bed. A fine day and evening 100 points each. club room with a pool table, tion. Some of our best team to the rifles they shot with. we are intending to arrange was had by all.

Not a weapon in sight: shooters from Imperial College and Cambridge University together on matchday

Quick Crossword by Cactus

1 2 3 4 5 6 Across Down 1. Helpful (13) 1. Obstetric test (13) 7. Metal bird (9) 2. Single (3) 9. Mischievous or evil spirit (3) 3. Native New Zealander (5) 7 8 10. National Olympic Committee (1,1,1) 4. Exterminator robot (5) 9 10 11. Golf course on the sea (5) 5. Base of the decimal system (3) 14. Thin pancake (5) 6. The study of the Earth’s history with Send your answers to 11 12 13 15. Smell (5) geology (13) [email protected] or bring 16. Bleeper (5) 7. Hors d’oeuvre (9) this page to the Felix office in 14 15 17. Innocent (5) 8. Relating to hormones (9) the West Wing of Beit Quad 18. Replay of a programme (5) 11. Outcast (5) 16 19. Irritable (colloq.) (5) 12. Not day (5) 22. Brink (of an event) (3) 13. Apology (5) Issue 1304 solution 17 18 23. Zero (3) 20. First letter of Phoenician alphabet (5) U V U L A A G A P E 24. Animal to bet on (9) 21. Faith; fidelity (5) R E I T C A A 19 20 21 27. Treatment for a stammer (6,7) 25. Primate (3) H A N D K E R C H I E F S 26. Knight (3) U E E A Q D S 22 23 M A R S G N U G I G A B E S S I A M P O N T I F I C A T E 24 25 26 C L Y U Y R M H O O D P S I L I E U E G V I L C F C R I M I N O L O G I S T 27 K S V N C A I A T L A S S K U N K