The Felix Sexism Survey

“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1519 FELIX 25.05.12 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 The Felix Sexism Survey: Results We’ve collected together the results of last term’s survey: Page 15 Life Sciences cuts at Silwood TECHNOLOGY Staff depart natural science campus as select courses are suspended

Christian Richters Alexander Karapetian

Concerns regarding staff shortages have risen as entry to postgraduate courses in the Department of Life Sciences has been suspended. Cours- Sexism in the realm es such as the Entomology MRes and MSc, Integrated Pest Management of technology MSc and Plant Science and Biotech- nology MSc, held in Silwood Park, Page 13 are marked on the postgraduate online course list as ‘’suspended for 2012- 2013 entry’’. An anonymous report alerted Felix to claims that an increasing amount of Life Sciences staff are beginning to FILM leave Imperial and take their courses elsewhere. The closures of courses taught by such staff will affect the reputation of Silwood Park, famous Academic campus Silwood Park is situated near Ascot for Applied Ecology, Pest Manage- ment, Forestry and Entomology, and Imperial as a whole. of my subjects are at stake”, and that the subject to continue to be taught in Sconce spoke to Felix and said “these A suite of closely related Masters regardless, “I’ve enjoyed my time at a healthy environment with the right Applied Ecology courses have been taught postgraduate courses run by Dr Silwood”. people, not for personal progression. held at here at Silwood for a long Simon Leather, including Entomolo- “I feel it’s my duty that when I re- Entomology is a subject which has time, we are seeing the end of a part gy MSc and Conservation and Forest tire”, he continued, “entomology is been taught at Silwood Park for more of Silwood Park and Imperial College Protection MSc have been suspended. still taught in the UK, and if I stay at than ﬁ fty years, and Leather said that history”, adding “as a student on the All you need to know Felix spoke to Dr Leather, who is Silwood, entomology as a taught sub- “the events of the last year have made Entomology MRes it’s really sad to moving to Harper Adams University ject may stop”. Dr Leather expressed people feel less settled”, increasing see my course leave. I also feel that about Cannes in Shropshire to continue teaching the his concerns for the teaching of such fears that the department may be lack- it is very short-sighted of Imperial to courses. He commented that “circum- unique ﬁ elds in Life Sciences and em- ing a strategy. let these courses go, they focus on ar- Page 24 stances mean that the future teaching phasised the intention to move was for Silwood Park President Francisca ...Continued on Page 3 Imperial falls in university ranking TRAVEL Controversy over drop from 10th to 13th in latest Guardian tables

Matthew Colvin results from the National Student Sur- results, which ostensibly helps to de- out of 10. The University had an over- vey, expenditure per student, and the termine the effectiveness of teaching at all ranking of 76th on the table. Imperial has dropped from 10th to student to staff ratio. an institution. Imperial scored 4.5/10 Imperial did however see success on 13th place in the Guardian University The continued presence of a ‘Value in comparison to the leader of the the table with relation to the category Guide 2013, the results of which were Added’ category in the results has rankings Cambridge, who scored 5.7 ‘Career Prospects’. The score for this Cruising through published on Monday 21 May. The caused signifi cant controversy. The re- and second place Oxford, scoring 6.7. category is the percentage of graduates guide, which ranks universities across sult, a score out of ten, is formulated The University of Hertfordshire saw who fi nd graduate-level jobs, or fur- Kerala the United Kingdom, saw institutions by comparing a university’s entry re- the highest score under the ‘Value ther study, within six months of gradu- ranked across various areas, including quirements with students’ fi nal degree Added’ category, with a score of 7.7 ...Continued on Page 3 Page 28 2 Friday 25 may 2012 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS

Considering a career in CLASSIFIEDS science media? Fancy £12K for your wedding? Don’t Tell the Bride Call for proposals: are looking for couples to get married in 2012! 2012/13 Science on Air – a hands-on in- Email [email protected] troduction to broadcasting about Just so we’re clear, Felix accepts no responsibility Do you make art? research and innovation for unexpected marriages, cool? Cool. This interactive course will give a ﬁ rst-hand Would you like to exhibit in the insight into how the science media works Blyth Gallery? and explore how science and innovation are communicated to the public. It will Lolcat of teh week provide an insight into media careers and a possible ﬁ rst step towards transferring to jobs in broadcast and related creative industries. The course includes a workshop in a fully equipped broadcast studio.

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Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Editor-in-Prowling Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alex Nowbar Reporters Alexander Karapetian Aemun Reza Features Editors Katy Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editor Indy Leclercq Sports Rookies Gabriel Oppetit Johnny Wong Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Business & Finance Editors Will Prince Deepka Rana Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Mark England Ross Gray Simon Hunter Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Alex Ramadan Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors George Barnett James Simpson Film Editors John Park Lucy Wiles Games Editor Laurence Pope Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Philip Kent Jonathan Kim Puzzles Admiral James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Carol Ann Cheah Philip Kent Jonathan Peek Annina Sartor FELIX Friday 25 may 2012 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS League table results questioned Deputy President (Education) criticises choice of league table categories

...Continued from Front Page ation. Scoring 84% under the category, this placed the institution above the London School of Economics’ relative score of 82% at the top of the leader- board for this category. Imperial is placed third amongst the London-based universities, with the London School of Economics being placed in 3rd position overall, and University College London placed at 6th position. Deputy President (Education) Jason Parmar was particularly outspoken on Imperial’s position in the rankings, and league tables in general: “I believe that prioritising the student experience as a criteria for UK league tables is commendable of the Guardian, The Sunday Times and others. However, it is fair to say that the methodology of these tables have meant that they can be seen as doing a complete disservice to the prospective The ‘value added’ score in the rankings (above: left) have been criticised by Deputy President (Education) Jason Parmar (above: right) students who use them” “We should be asking ourselves the question: should career prospects and ian league table doesn’t even consider be hacked by students with very little Parmar was particularly vocal re- simply increase the amount of ﬁ rsts research have greater weighting in research worries me. effort. In addition to this the three garding the ‘Value Added’ category: and upper seconds it awards, lower its modern league tables if we are to pro- “In addition, their analysis and student experience areas taken from “Although in principal the ‘Value entry requirements, and have terrible vide future students with a good ser- measure of the student experience, the NSS are ‘Overall Satisfaction’, Added’ category aims to “show how teaching effectiveness. This is counter vice? In the current ﬁ nancial climate which contributes so heavily in the ‘Feedback’ and ‘Teaching’. But this effective teaching is”, it could easily productive as it lessens the academ- career prospects are crucial to a stu- table, is unreliable as it is based solely doesn’t cover, for example, ‘Learning do the exact opposite. To top the table ic integrity of graduates, and hence the dent’s choice of university, now more on the National Student Survey. We Resources’, which is a very important in this criteria, which is worth 15% table can easily misguide prospective so than ever. The fact that the Guard- even saw in Felix that the NSS could part of the student experience.” of the overall score, a university can students.” Courses end at Silwood Sponsored Editorial Matthew Colvin More student cuts Discount haircuts for Imperial students at Fresh Hairdressers

More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. These departures follow cuts to the Department of Life Sciences last academic year Women’s shampoo and cut and shake dry £28 Women’s shampoo, cut and ...Continued from Front Page Deputy President (Education) Jason courses relied so heavily on individu- blow-dry £38 eas of food security, which will be a Parmar told Felix that “the reasons for als and we have been assured that the All of our cuts are done by pressing issue with the growing glob- the staff leaving are their own which college is looking into preventing fu- highly experienced stylists. al population”. we are unaware of, but it may be fair ture risks like this occurring again.” Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to Other staff who are leaving include to assume that the low demand may The Conservation Science MSc, 4.30 (sorry no discounts on Dr Tilly Collins, Senior Teaching Fel- have played a signiﬁ cant role in their Ecology, Evolution and Conservation Saturdays). low in the Department of Life Scienc- decision.” MSc/MRes and Quantitative Biology We are only 70 metres from es, which will have a further impact “Unfortunately,” he continued, “due MSc will continue to run at Silwood South Kensington tube station on undergraduate Biology degrees to the courses’ reliance on the two Park in 2012/2013, with a new Bio- since Dr Leather also undertook a sig- staff members they have had to be diversity Informatics and Genomics niﬁ cant amount of teaching for them. postponed. It is concerning that these MRes starting in October. DIGGIDY DAWG F E L I X M U S I C N I G H T SUNW I T H T GLITTERSH E I N C R E D I B L E “[Sun Glitters’] pitch-shifted vocals and chopped-up melodies create a compellingly itchy, glitchy R&B” – the Guardian HENRYA L S O F R WUO M X& V EI VERMEANR E C O R D S LOVE LOVE T. Williams Mary Anne Hobbs Alexander Nut 4 X V I “Really good vibe” “Superb” “Sounding large!” 4 X V I

16 JUNE ONLY £3 FELIX Friday 25 may 2012 5 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS Scientists protest to protect research

Sophia David

On Tuesday 15 May, around 80 physicists and chemists from around the UK held an unusual protest against their research funder by parading a coffi n and a horse- drawn hearse down London’s Whitehall to Downing Street. The protest marked the start of the Sci- ence for the Future campaign which is fi ghting for the reform of the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC). The protesting scientists argue that a number of policies introduced by the council place British research in mor- tal danger. The unpopular policies include a decision to stop funding PhD studentships on Imperial professor Tony Barrett is the chief organiser of the campaign research grants, limiting fellowships to specifi c subjects and a ban on the resub- mission of most rejected grant proposals. Professor Tony Barrett, a synthetic- payers’ money to be spent on a top-down grant proposals will be in danger.” nority of the scientifi c community. A new funding scheme also means that organic chemist at Imperial, is the chief diktat programme emblematic of what The protest has drawn criticism from They said, “If we are to continue to more money is being allocated by EPSRC organiser of the campaign, and has called went on in East Germany.” some commentators including Professor excel in areas of strength, we must take staff rather than through a peer-review for the chief executive of the EPSRC, Da- The turnout of the protest was low with Athene Donald of the University of Cam- a strategic approach in how we invest – process. The council’s “National impor- vid Delpy, to take action or step down. He only 80 out of 8000 researchers funded by bridge who argued, “They are not repre- so we have the right balance of funding tance” criterion, for which scientists must described the moves by the council as a the EPSRC attending. senting all of us and many of us do not between different research areas, making explain how their research might meet “Stalinist collectivization of science.” Prof. Barrett commented that, “A num- agree with their stunt.” sure the UK has the right national capa- “national strategic needs” over 10-50 Prof. Barrett said, “I don’t want more ber of my colleagues were afraid to be The council also argued that the protest- bility in core disciplines and is addressing years, has also drawn much criticism. money for science. I just don’t want tax- here. They are concerned that their future ers were a small and unrepresentative mi- major societal and economic challenges.” Lecture podcasting to become Imperial students organise major conference about reality after test successes Portugal in London

Matthew Colvin

Plans to record lectures are set to fi - nally come to fruition next academic year. College is set to work with video capture platform Panopto in order to ensure that lectures are made more accessible to students. The collaboration will result in live lecture streaming, the opportunity to view previous recordings at any time, The LUSO 2012 organising committee the ability to view lectures on mobile phones and tablets, and follows sug- gestions by students listed in Imperial Joana Moscoso Some of the confi rmed speak- College Union’s response to the 2011 ers include Nuno Crato (Portuguese National Student Survey Report. Following the success of previous edi- Minister for Education and Science), Panopto was founded in 2007, and tions, this year welcomes LUSO 2012, Miguel Seabra (President, Portuguese was built with technology developed the Sixth Meeting of Portuguese Re- Foundation for Science and Technol- at Carnegie Mellon University’s searchers and Students in the United ogy), and Sir Tim Hunt (Nobel Prize School of Computer Science. The Kingdom. Laureate in Physiology/Medicine platform now serves several markets LUSO 2012 will take place on the 2001). and institutions with video capture 16th of June at the Senate House in Notwithstanding being the annual technology. Panopto provides services for Fortune 500 companies London. Its main theme is “Powering- meeting of Portuguese Researchers This academic year the system was Up Portugal”, aimed at encouraging and Students in the United Kingdom, piloted in every faculty with over disclosure, communication and inter- LUSO 2012 welcomes participants 1,000 successful recordings made by fantastic to work with the committee as possible will take advantage of it.” action in the fi elds of science, tech- across all areas of study/work, ages staff. and see resources be dedicated to this The beginning of Autumn Term nology, entrepreneurship, and arts, and nationalities. Registration for Jason Parmar, Deputy President innovation in teaching. It will improve 2012 will see an anticipated gradual among others. LUSO 2012 will host LUSO 2012 will be open until 9 June. (Education) who also sits on the e- educational access to students and im- introduction of the scheme, though a diverse panel of prominent guest More information can be found Learning Strategy Committee in- prove the student experience here at implementing the video capture is en- speakers from the academic, entrepre- on LUSO 2012 website http:// volved with the plans said “it has been Imperial so I hope as many lecturers tirely at the discretion of lecturers. neurial, and political fi elds. www.2012.luso.org.uk. THE Skeleton Fund

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10 Friday 25 may 2012 FELIX Science Editors: K e l l y O a k e s Alexander Karapetian SCIENCE [email protected] In brief Humans are still evolving Disney want to make all the world Douglas Heaven a touchscreen A study of the reproductive success of 6000 Finnish people born between 1760-1849 suggests that the technological and social advances of the agricultural revolution did not put a stop to human evolution. “It is a common misunderstanding that evolution took place a long time ago, and that to understand ourselves we must look back to the hunter-gatherer days of humans,” says project leader Virpi Lummaa, of the Department of Animal and Plant Sciences at the University of Sheffi eld. But in a collaborative study, involving teams from Germany and Finland as well as the UK, Tree or surround sound system? Lummaa and colleagues looked at the life cy- cles of a large set of individuals using church records going back 250 years. They conclud- Researchers at Disney and Carnegie Mellon Uni- ed that “signifi cant selection has been taking versity have published new research which could place in very recent populations, and likely make everyday objects and even the human body still occurs.” into a touchscreen. By tracking variables such as survival to This could mean traditional interfaces would adulthood, mate access, mating success, and no longer be needed, as smartphones could be fertility per mate, the researchers found that silenced by holding a fi nger to the lips, and the the intensity of Darwinian selection in the The internet is potentially making huge strides in changing the way we think volume on mp3 players could be controlled with population they analysed was in line with that a tap of the hand. measured for species ‘in the wild’. The fi nd- The technology, known as Touché, uses Swept ings also appear to suggest that sexual selec- fl exibility our species gained through social slightly greater sexual competition on aver- Frequency Capacitive Sensing, which is similar tion can still be at work in a society where the and cultural adaptations. age over their lifetimes. to the technology used in smartphone screens. marriage system is strictly monogamous. The researchers also found that evolution- However, selection seems to have been in- Smartphones only detect electrical signals on This is in stark contrast to the traditional ary rates varied between men and women. different to social status. “Surprisingly,” says one frequency, allowing them to know when they view, held by many evolutionary psychologists Though individuals in the population were Lummaa, “selection affected wealthy and poor are being touched. Touché takes this one step and social scientists, that selective pressures assumed to maintain monogamous relation- people in the society to the same extent.” Yet further by using a range of frequencies, so ob- in human evolution have been signifi cantly ships, men were more likely to remarry af- another thing that money can’t buy? jects not only detect touch, but ‘sense’ how they weakened – if not put on hold entirely – by the ter the death of a spouse, exposing them to DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1118174109 are being touched. Everyday objects can be equipped with the new technology by attaching only one electrode. “It could immediately be used to create new and ex- citing ways for people to interact with objects and the world at large,” says Ivan Poupyrev, senior research scientist at Disney Research. Trio of proteins to ease food demand

The researchers envision a Touché-equipped Nature home where the television is turned on when the Nicola Guttridge user sits down on the sofa. The lights automati- cally dim when the user leans back to enjoy the A new study has identifi ed three key proteins show, and if they fall asleep, the room darkens in plants that may help the development of and the television is turned off. improved crops yielding higher qualities and The research, presented at the Conference on quantities of oils. The scientists, of the Salk Human Factors in Computing Systems in Texas, Institute for Biological Studies and Iowa investigated how this could be used in existing State University, say that such plants could tablet computers. Depending on which fi ngers help to reduce the growing global demand for were used to touch the screen, and whether a food and fuels, and negate the detrimental ef- ‘pinch’ or ‘grasp’ motion was used, the computer fect such demand may have on our environ- could perform different functions, such as zoom- ment and ecosystems. ing in or right-clicking. Touché technology can The research, headed by lead authors Jo- also be applied to liquids, detecting whether one seph Noel and Eve Syrkin Wurtele, anal- fi nger or a whole hand is submerged in a con- ysed genomic plant data and pinpointed the tainer of water. proteins responsible for regulating the me- By wearing electrode on the wrists in a similar tabolism of fatty acids in thale cress plants. way to watches, smartphones, mp3 players and These three proteins, dubbed FAP1, FAP2 Part of the ribbon diagram for an X-ray crystal structure computers could all become gesture-controlled. and FAP3, control the molecular pathways “This might enable us to one day do away with responsible for plant oil production and bind keyboards, mice and perhaps even conventional fatty acids such as omega-3. acids, which are very high-energy molecules enzymes that control fl avonoid production, touchscreens for many applications,” says Mune- “This work has major implications for formed in a plant using solar energy. Utilis- compounds that play many roles within a hiko Sato, a PhD student involved in the work. modulating the fatty acid profi les of plants,” ing these acids could therefore provide a very plant and have great nutritional and health Disney is also conducting research into how says lead author Joseph Noel. The research- effi cient method for producing biorenewable benefi ts in human diets. Further study of living plants can be made into surround sound ers found that altering the expression of these chemicals and fuels. This would help to al- plant proteins may result in a greater un- systems for use in their theme parks. proteins changed the amount and quality of leviate fears over petroleum security and derstanding of how proteins evolve into en- Siobhan Chan plant oil produced via these pathways. global climate change, as well as aiding in- zymes, a mechanism that has huge industrial Plant oils are triglycerides and are stored ternational industry, nutrition and transport. promise. in seeds. They consist of three linked fatty FAP1, 2 and 3 are linked ancestrally to DOI:10.1038/nature11009 FELIX Friday 25 may 2012 11 SCIENCE Genetic The decline of British bee power privacy Kelly Oakes reports on a possible cause of falling bee numbers

Muhammad Mahdi Karim Philippa Skett

Science and the law have clashed again this week, and it seems that the US is adamant in attempting to in- hibit scientific advances yet again in the name of public safety. This time, it is the geneticists that are under pressure, as Californian senators are attempting to pass a bill that could hinder on-going research into genetic diseases. The bill, known as The Genetic Information Privacy Act, aims to introduce consent forms covering the explicit intended use of the genetic sample, which the person who is do- nating the material must then agree with. The bill also states that such genetic material must be destroyed after, and cannot be stored to be ac- cessed at a later date. Supporters for the bill are keen to point out that it doesn’t stop research, just adds a new bureaucratic component to protect personal information. With the National Human Genome Research Institute predicting that the cost of sequencing a genome is drop- ping at a greater than exponential rate, it is only a matter of time before anyone can get their own DNA sequenced at a reasonable cost. It is with this increase in ease of access that concern arose into how such sensitive and personal information Wildfl ower meadows are a bee’s favourite stomping ground, but 97% of them have been lost over the past 60 years, adding to the decline of bees should be treated, triggering the new law. However, the proposed paperwork esticides may be the bees to bees, but since then there has been linate around one third of the crops we ernments position, but they would not will cost researchers around half a knees when it comes to pro- growing evidence from laboratory trials eat. But in the past 25 years honey bee hesitate to act if presented with any new million dollars annually, according tecting crops, but research- that the pesticide does harm memory and numbers in the US and UK have suffered evidence. to the University of California, not ers from the UK and France navigation. This new research is the fi rst a drop of around 50%. The reason for the Campaigns to encourage the growth of to mention the time delay it will un- have shown that exposure time such an effect has been found in re- decline has been unclear, but pesticides, wildfl ower meadows – a bee’s favourite doubtedly add to any sort of investi- toP one common pesticide leads to a dra- alistic conditions. parasites and the destruction of fl ower- habitat – will go some way to encour- gation in the future. This will espe- matic loss to the number of queen bees, A separate team of scientists from rich habitats are thought to be the key aging numbers to rise. But these stud- cially hinder key research into the and another pesticide affects foragers’ France found that bees exposed to low reasons. ies, and others, show that it is unlikely genetic causes of diseases as they re- ability to fi nd their way back to the doses of a different pesticide, called thi- Several European countries have to be that simple. Identifying the cause quire thousands of genomic samples hive. The new fi ndings might go some amethoxam and belonging to the same stopped using certain pesticides for fear of colony collapse is essential to protect at a time. way to explaining recent decline in bee family as imidacloprid, had trouble of falling bee populations, but the UK is food security, as well as the wild fl owers This echoes the reasoning behind numbers. fi nding their way home. The team glued not among them. A spokesperson from that bees pollinate and the animals that the significant delay seen earlier this Scientists at the University of Stir- tiny radio-frequency tags to the backs the Department of Environment, Food depend on them. month of the publication of a key vi- ling and the Lancaster Environment of 653 honey bees. Up to 43.2% of the and Rural Affairs told the Guardian that DOI: 10.1126/science.1215039 rology article detailing the artificial Centre, both in the UK, exposed colo- bees given the pesticide did not return the new research did not change the gov- DOI: 10.1126/science.1215025 creation of an influenza strain. In that nies of bumble bees to realistic levels to their hive, depending on how far case, paper publication went ahead in of imidacloprid, a pesticide chemical- away from the hive they were released, Nature without consequence. Should ly related to nicotine, in the lab. They compared with 16.9% of the untreated this new bill be passed and then ig- then placed the colonies into the fi eld bees. The researchers say that this level Bee decline: in numbers nored, penalties will range from to forage on gardens, wildfl owers and of homing failure could put a colony at 50% $1,000 to $10,000 depending on the a variety of crops, and watched as the risk of collapse. the drop in honey bee num- circumstances. colonies that had been exposed to the The news comes fi ve years after bee bers over the last 25 years With many other states already pesticide suffered an 85% reduction in colonies in the US were devastated when putting into motion their own inter- the number of new queens compared they were hit by a strange condition 2006 pretation of bills concerning genetic to colonies that were not exposed. The called colony collapse disorder. Millions collony collapse disorder fi rst research, it seems that this new ex- exposed bees also gathered less food of bees vanished from their hives, leav- reported in the US penditure is going to be an unavoid- and produced less workers, but it was ing young bees to fend for themselves. able reality very soon. This highlights the drop in queens that was most dra- The latest US Department of Agricul- £1.8 billion again the definitive need for some matic. The fi ndings were published in ture data, released in 2011, suggests that the amount it would cost per other mandate to form a bridge be- the journal Science. colony collapse disorder is still alive and year to hand pollinate UK tween public safety and scientific ad- A meta-analysis published last year well – unlike the bees affected by it. crops without bees vances, so both can be satisfied with- showed that imidacloprid was not lethal Bees, along with other insects, pol- Attaching an RFID tag to a bee out any detrimental effects to the two. 12 Friday 25 MAY 2012 FELIX Politics Editors: Joseph Letts R a j a t J a i n POLITICS [email protected] Student Debt Fears? Try being a candidate in a national election! Felix Politics explores...... spending in the US Presidential elections

Candidate Expenditure until April 30th, 2012 250

Is that all you’ve got? I’ll raise you by $20! 200

Normally running is a cheap affair; running for the bus only costs several seconds of embarrassment 150 and the occasional penalty of abject failure when the driver leaves you behind in the cold. The cost

of running for a sabbatical role in the IC Union? MILLION $ 100 For most merely the embarrassment of selling your dignity to secure a victory, begging for scraps of votes from people you have suddenly decided to 50 pay attention to after blanking them on campus for the last few years. Of course there is always a 0 small amount of spending on advertising but you are restrained from breaking the bank, well as long as you can spell your name correctly. However, compare all of this to running for an important political ofﬁ ce, say for instance President

of the United States. Now that is what those in the

Terry (R) Terry

Huntsman (R) Huntsman Pawlenty (R) Pawlenty Karger (R) Karger

Paul (R) Paul Johnson (L) Johnson McCotter (R) McCotter Romney (R) Romney Bachmann (R) Bachmann Gingrich (R) Gingrich Cain (R) Cain Santorum (R) Santorum Perry(R) Roemer (I) Roemer Obama (D) Obama industry call “crazy money”. Well, comparatively. It’s true that when campaigning for votes for a national election to become the holder of the highest offi ce in the land one must spend a certain amount of money spreading awareness of your quest and DEMOCRATS: $217.215 MILLION REPUBLICANS: $241.310 MILLION publicising your political views, otherwise people wouldn’t know who to vote for and you would be the last choice of everybody in the playground. TOTAL AMOUNT SPENT ALL PRO-CANDIDATE PACS: $90,470112 One key part of electioneering involves airing a large number of negative campaign advertise- ments on local television networks, something Candidate Donation Demographics the pro-Romney Political Action Committee (PAC) “Restore Our Future” can certainly attest to, having spent $35 million on attacking fellow Republi- cans Gingrich and Santorum. However, campaign fi nances aren’t always the easiest things to manage. It seems some presidential candidates make more promises than they can fulfi l, especially Newt Gingrich. 12% 30.7% When Gingrich pulled out of the presidential race on May 2, he did so having incurred a debt 43.8% of $1.3m in the month of April alone. Although 56.2% 44.5% some of this was paid back his total debt currently 88% stands at $4.7m, including a bill of $12,000 owed OBAMA 55.5% to Twitter and $16,000 to a political company run ROMNEY by former presidential rival Herman Cain. 69.3% However bad Gingrich might seem it could be worse. After running in the 1984 presidential elections Senator John Glenn owed $3m: it took him until 2007 to fi nally pay it all back. Some former candidates have been unable to pay their debts back, instead writing off their debt, which is not Largest Company PAC Contribution: a popular move with the small businesses that supported them. But then who cares about small Mircosoft Corp: $347,916 Goldman Sachs: $573,080 businesses? Certainly not the powerbrokers in the Beltway. Joseph Letts Female Donors Small Individual Contributions Got something to say? Send your articles to: Male Donors Large Individual Contributions

[email protected] Source: opensecrets.org FELIX Friday 25 may 2012 13

Technology Editors: Chris Bowers Feroz Salam [email protected] TECHNOLOGY Too few women and no change in sight Feroz Salam on how equality is a long way away in the world of ‘brogrammers’

The girl takes care of the sparkly two-bit house in nauseatingly named ‘Heartlake City’ while the man holds down a real job. Both sets are aimed for the same ages

f you like your Felix lighthearted, you may has failed. Imperial is split 65%-35% between men the fi ght for equality has to be won in the work- think of only two major productions where the want to turn the page, because this article is and women, while the ratio in Computing is al- place, or even at university. Most of the women techie is a woman: The Girl with the Dragon Tat- anything but. The seeds of my piece were most certainly worse. I have worked with and taught in my four years too and the American drama Criminal Minds. The planted when I heard that one of my friends Top City and tech fi rms vie to attract the hand- of Computing at Imperial have been highly ambi- majority (CSI, The Social Network, Swordfi sh, or was planning to attend CodeF, a Google ful of female computing graduates that do make it tious and passionate about the subject. They will virtually any major production with the need for an networkingI event ‘exclusively for female com- in, but an undercurrent of mild sexism in industry probably go on to great things at workplaces that IT professional) all portray the person behind the puter scientists’ attending top universities here in has also been well documented. In a now infamous will bend to their terms rather than vice versa, as is computer as an awkward male with a one-dimen- the UK. These kind of events are commonplace at presentation at a Ruby conference in 2009, a pre- often the case with graduates from Imperial. sional personality. Imperial, women-only events meant to encourage senter used soft-porn images to illustrate how your The mission to motivate them into graduate Even before you begin to delve into the expec- female scientists and engineers to apply to the top servers could ‘perform like a pr0n star’, while an technology is arguably not as vital, as they are tations placed on women, you have to ask, who jobs in the country, jobs that are skewed heavily excellent article in Mother Jones magazine titled obviously already motivated enough. Hiring the wants to be that man? I certainly don’t. That we towards men. Unfortunately, these fi rms are fi ght- ‘“Gangbang Interviews” and “Bikini Shots”: Sili- 35% already in the doors is easy, but fi xing the have any women applying to work behind a moitor ing a battle that is very near lost in a fashion that con Valley’s Brogrammer Problem’, documents reasons why there are only 35% is where the real should amaze us. places gestures over results. The losers are not the countless examples of women in the industry be- problem lies. women already at Imperial, but the many women ing not just discriminated against but (perhaps who will be turned away before they even get the more insultingly) being completely ignored. Clawing back some equality chance to wine and dine with Britain’s best. It is a depressing fact that this battle that could Forcing an attitude change have easily been won many years ago has now The truth is, a brilliant opportunity to turn the been almost completely lost. This is leaving us The fi rst port of call needs to look at our children, tables on ingrained sexism at our universities and An opportunity lost with yet another highly paid, booming industry and the infl uences they receive. Toys and games workplaces was lost some time ago, probably be- where men vastly outnumber women. Firms that play a huge role here. The blogger Kate Bachus (at fore our generation was born. Instead, we start The information revolution is the fi rst major ‘rev- scrabble around for female computing graduates www.katebachus.com) takes the brilliant example off with the same representation of gender as we olution’ to have occurred after women’s rights are not making things worse, but are not really of Lego sets. Those targeted at boys are a magni- have in the other, older fi elds of engineering (Mec- rose to prominence. It was as such an excellent making things better: the ratio of women to men tude more complex than those targeted at girls of cano for boys, Barbies for girls, anyone?), and the opportunity to start off with an attempt at gender entering the tech industry is still at best 65% to the same age. Skills you learn on Lego sets are smelly, antisocial male programmer as our pro- equality. Looking at where we are now, however, 35%. pretty much the exact same ones you apply when tagonist. Is the fact that we end up with abysmal it is obvious that this mission (if it ever existed) It’s because of this that it’s hard to believe that problem-solving in programming, and it’s hard to numbers of women in the fi eld any surprise? imagine girls having an interest in the latter when My advice for the bevy of tech fi rms lining up they are never challenged by the former. with their women-oriented programs would be Setting toys aside, games are another area this: fi ght the fi ght where it will make a difference where women are almost unconsciously sidelined: in the future. Campaign for girls to be treated as games targeted at girls tend to be of the ‘Good they are: fully intelligent and creative members Housekeeping’ variety (simplistic family and food of society, with the potential to be excellent en- management routines), while their male-oriented gineers. School outreach programs help, but even counterparts involve journeying across nations/ more necessary is the promotion of media and toys planets/fantastical lands to slay terrorists/aliens/ that focus on girls working with computers too. dragons, often at a budget that would be enough Destigmatise the notion of working as a program- for twenty versions of Cake Mania (I’ve played mer, by showcasing the best men and women in three versions, so I would know). Given that so your company doing things that make a tangible many people I know fi rst discovered programming difference. when they were young ‘to make a game’, I suspect Finally, there must be a campaign to root out the that a fair chunk of the 65/35 gap lies there. sexist culture in technology that is so brilliantly Now that we have girls interested in program- (albeit unintentionally) encapsulated by the movie ming, how do we get them to put that down on Swordfi sh: a woman on her knees giving a blow- their UCAS forms? This problem is more com- job while a man does the real work. A buffet lunch plex, but I suspect a lot of it boils down to rep- at a networking event is something, but not nearly Startup Sqoot learnt a hard lesson the in consequences of advertising women as a ‘perk’ resentations of programmers in the media. I can enough. 14 Friday 25 may 2012 FELIX Comment Editors: Tim Arbabzadah Sam Horti COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Is the right to know right? League table responses expected

League tables yet again come to the fore this week as Imperial College London saw a drop from 10th to 13th place in the Joseph Kaupp Guardian University Guide 2013. These latest results however caused considera- n the U.S. political bly more controversy than previous league scene, a Republican table announcements. sponsored bill is causing The Guardian’s use of a ‘Value Added’ quite a stir. The “Wom- category, and Imperial’s low placing, com- en’s Right to Know Act” pared to its traditional contemporaries in Orequires females seeking to have an league tables, has ignited the opinions abortion to fi rst undergo an invasive of many across the Imperial community. transvaginal ultrasound. This is a pro- The category is scored after comparison cedure that involves what is known as between a university’s entry requirements a “10-inch plastic wand” to be inserted and the final degree result received upon into the vagina. The purpose is to dis- graduation. suade women from having an abortion The Union’s Deputy President (Educa- by forcing them to acknowledge the The question of whether or not Congress should dictate morality is key tion) Jason Parmar has openly criticised fetus that they intend to abort. In some the methods used by not only the Guard- states, congressional members have ian, but by league tables published by oth- suggested that women should also be incorrigibly hedonistic, it is unlikely er league table-featuring publications. Cer- made to listen to the heartbeat of the fe- anyone is having a red-letter day when As alwaysalalww in tainly, it is mystifying that the value of an tus before they are able to proceed with an abortion clinic is involved. Imperial degree is deemed, by the Guard- an abortion. Although innocuous sounding, politics,politics a variety ian, to be significantly less than many of This medieval type prescription is the “Women’s Right to Know” is a fl agrant us would prefer to believe, especially with latest tactic being invoked in order to assault on those views that contravene of airbrushed Imperial’s top ranking for career prospects moralize the country. It is a demented right wing religious doctrine. And far compared with other universities. Howev- way around Row v. Wade (an impor- too many Republicans fi nd women half-truths er, the aim of the ‘value-added’ score – to tant Supreme Court case in the USA justifi able fodder for achieving their “ assess the effectiveness of teaching at a regarding abortion), and is meant as a questionable objectives. What is being are being university – opens a whole new avenue of fi rm punishment for women irrespon- called the “war on women” is the re- questions. sible enough to have gotten themselves sult of the increasing encroachment of perpetrated Is the result representative of the teach- knocked up or raped. (Generously, Re- religion into politics and the arrogant ing at Imperial, or rather the comparative publicans in some states have amended tendency of the right wing to forcefully to market thishis rarity of first class, and indeed 2:1 grade the bill, making the procedure optional prescribe their values onto the secular degrees, delivered to students in compari- for rape victims.) savages who are deprived of virtue. proposal. son with other UK universities? Doubtless “Women’s Right to Know” rests on There is a saying in catholic educa- there are those who would argue on both two baseless presumptions. First, that tion (of which I am a product) that “re- accounts. the right wing has the one and only ligion does not impose, it proposes.” It is not hard to understand why this lat- moral code. Abortion is one of the most Except with regard to women, into sanctioned rape. Although its support- est news has been met with such a nega- polarizing issues being bandied about in which religion transvaginally imposes ers disguise it as governmental over- tive reception. Prospective students invari- philosophy or politics. It’s a moral grey a 10-inch plastic wand. You don’t need sight, this proposal is nothing other ably make use of such tables and with a zone for which there is no consensus. to recite the annals of moral philosophy than an attempt to punish” women for large number of students having to pay in For a faction to claim they have the an- to know this bill is wrong. It is a cruel making “bad” moral decisions. It is the region of £30,000 (if not supported by swer displays an especially base type of attempt to torture women who are al- rape by proxy. Plain and simple. financial aid) towards their degrees from arrogance. Second, Republicans seem ready going through a challenging time At best the republicans think of this next year, making the right choice of uni- to believe that women are blasé about in their lives. It’s misogynistic and it’s bill as tough love, wherein the ends jus- versity is critically important. The lesser having abortions. Devoutly religious or spiteful. tify the means. More likely, however, ‘value’ that the league table assigns to As always in politics, a variety of air- this state-sanctioned rape bill is an in- an Imperial degree has been an affront to brushed half-truths are being perpetrat- strument intended to punish the disso- some who applied here on the basis of a ed to market this proposal. Virginia’s lute for their transgressions. world class education. ThisThis mmedieval Governor, Bob McDonnell, massages Some might argue that decisions re- Gaining a first from Imperial is no easy the truth by stating: “a woman should garding moral grey zones, like abor- feat, but the difficulty of attaining a high type pprescription have all of the information possible tion, should be left to the individual or grade appears to have brought with it the before she makes a decision about ter- to the family, and that the state’s pur- risk of plain and simple statistics painting is the latest minating a pregnancy.” Kristi Hamrick, view ought to be limited by consensus Imperial in a less than favorable light. an alleged spokeswoman for American driven issues. But why shouldn’t it fall This whole situation simply goes to show tactic being values, eloquently asserted that “it is vi- on Congress to dictate morality? Surely that there is a long way for league tables “ tal to protect women’s health and ultra- their 12% approval rating is a strong to come before full weight is placed behind invoked in order sounds are absolutely vital to women’s mandate to supply moral direction and them. The reasoning behind the ‘Value Add- health.” This is of course two-faced ba- shepherd our personal decision-mak- ed’ score may have raised many tensions, to moralize the loney. It is devious word play meant to ing. Surely representatives in the state and it does deserve to be questioned. legitimize malicious intentions. legislatures in question, 83% of whom country. Senator Lin Coleman is right to refer are males, know what is best for Ameri- ” to “Women’s Right To Know” as state can women. Over the past year, 10 articles and 231 comments were written about sexism in science and at Imperial. Stephen Smith’s “Sexism at Imperial College” has been viewed over Sample validity How to 7,500 times on the Felix website. Sexism is clearly an issue that concerns the Imperial A grand total of 631 students fi lled in the sexism survey, or 4.30% of the entire student body (3.62% of male students and 5.07% of female students). Out of this number, report community and 631 of you gave us your opinion by fi lling in the survey. Thank you. 338 respondents or 53.57% of the sample were men, 270 or 42.79% were women and 23 people or 3.65% of the sample preferred not to say. Women have always been students at Imperial College, even though it has always There was a slight gender bias, as 6.49% more of our respondents were women in comparison to the gender ratio at Imperial. sexism been a strongly male dominated environment. A lot has changed over the past few de- Every department was represented in the sample, though some, as ever, found more representation than others. The most under-represented departments were Humani- cades: Helen Kemp Porter became the fi rst woman lecturer at Imperial in 1959, women ties, Medicine and the Business School. Aeronautics, Chemistry, Civil Engineering and EEE were also under-represented, but to a lesser extent. Life Sciences, Physics, Com- There is a full pro- were fi rst allowed into the union bar in 1972 and the ratio is slowly improving, currently puting and Materials were overrepresented, with up to double their proportion of students fi lling in the survey. Overall, the Faculty of Engineering had the best representation. cedure for report- at 63.7:36.3. Imperial is actually doing better than the national average for female un- Regarding ethnicity, there was a large bias for white students, with 27.65% more respondents fi lling in the survey than the comparative ratio studying at Imperial. Asians ing and dealing with dergraduates in SET, which was 33.2% in 2007-2008 compared to 35.29% at Imperial. were underrepresented by 6.53%. Students of Black, Hispanic or mixed ethnicity were strongly underrepresented. sexual and racial Another noticeable and very strong bias was the representation of undergraduates, as 85.42% of the respondents were aged between 17 and 22, with a relatively even harassment at Impe- Credits: Marie-Laure Hicks, Silvia Araguas, Philip Kent, Matt Colvin and Jonathan Kim spread across different years. rial: Nonetheless, the sample was not biased enough overall to not report on the fi ndings, on account of the substantial sample size. http://bit.ly/ We would like to thank everyone who participated in the survey and contributed towards its creation and analysis. aWqSqO

The ‘Imperial attractiveness The male orientated choice of What is sexist at Imperial? rating scale’ fi lms shown by ICU Cinema “I can’t help but feel this isn’t an Imperial problem, but just how Here are the examples you gave us of what you fi nd sexist at Imperial: “lads” act in such maleheavy groups. It’s society who has fostered “There have been times I felt hugely Sport societies: they were heavily criticised for this “lads” mentality. Let’s blame British society. Bloody Tories.” annoyed at being a female at Imperial their behaviour and comments, especially dur- Is Imperial sexist? WSET’s ‘Girls Girls Girls’ event The drinking clubs: The Links, the Chaps and the ’22 Club. These however I think this was combined with all-male clubs founded in the 1920s were criticised for being ing sports’ night and ACC, and making it unnec- being from a lower class/income house- anachronistic, having a selective admissions policy and being far essarily diffi cult for women to participate. The “There can be times when, as a female at Imperial, you feel like a Tutors, lab demonstrators from the “respectable” societies they used to be. These clubs rugby club and medics men’s hockey club, in hold than many of my fellow peers, this however are completely independent from the Union. particular, were also mentioned regarding their statistic!” and lecturers mailing list. When asked about the emails, a is something I felt more angered with rugby player joked: “who wants another boring of people said ‘yes’ than any sexism issue. But how do you Jokes and email? At least if it’s demeaning to women…”. .14% “Women at IC are given so many extra opportunities for careers Imperial Memes Other respondents referred to inappropriate 10 stop the attitudes of petty little rich kids Hangman and Felix comments and sexist comments made to the cheerleading events, WSET and are generally treated with more respect than who know no better? They are a minority squad and general objectifi cation of women or, as some sports players would say, “birds”. men. ” anyway. Men feeling that women are in- 99% of the people I met at Imperial ferior and less capable in SET The Hunnies and Bunnies night at the of women answered Metric Moments ‘sometimes’ “There’s a pervasive atmosphere of thinking misogynistic com- are what they should be; intelligent and Reynolds, described as being full of “drunk 51.48% respectful young people open to new slutty bitches” ments are acceptable and that women should accept ‘banter’.” opinions and most importantly open to Sexist events: some examples include groping, calling Voting for women in ICU Positive discrimination: women’s only ca- changing their opinions all mixed in with women ‘babe’, sexual harassment and lab demonstra- elections based on attrac- reers events and the belief that women are Sadly, there’s just a hell of a lot of sexist ‘banter’ from some tors giving the ‘easier’ task to female students because more likely to be offered a place at Imperial a dry sense of humour. Have we con- tiveness of men said ‘no’ blokes. For example, dismissing a female lecturer’s opinions on fused this with sexism at Imperial? In my they are ‘less capable’ because of their gender 49.41% the basis of being unnattractive or ‘menstrual’. opinion, at time yes but I’m fairly sure the many ‘lads’ who attend Uni’s such as Leeds/Manchester did so with the hope of many sleepless nights with various Sexist Ever wondered which departments are considered by the respondents to house Sexism at other universities the most sexist students and lecturers? Universities continue to make the headlines under accusations of sexist behavior. One needs only look to this week’s news and northern beauties. At least we know the College life Sometimes sexist Aero comes out as a clear winner. More than one in four students answered see the University of Cambridge’s online site The Tab come under fi re for its ‘Rear of the Year’ competition. In March, a rugby team guys at Imperial didn’t apply here with that their fellow students are sexist. Aero was also amongst the departments at the University of East Anglia was the subject of complaints over its behaviour, which culminated in its disbanding after exhibiting Not sexist with the highest proportion of students claiming their lecturers are sexist, only racist and sexist behaviour at a party. However, it is not always the student population who are featured in the column inches. In the mindset of f*****g everything with a 6.67% though. Another department with seemingly sexist lecturers is Chemis- 2009 a university vice-chancellor at Buckingham University was criticized after claiming that female students were a ‘perk’ to be pulse; they don’t have the chance!” try, with 65.85% of respondents stating that lecturers are sometimes sexist. enjoyed by male lecturers. Students in Mech Eng, Medicine and Civ Eng are also more likely to be sexist Lecturers Students according to their fellow classmates, 62.5 to 72.73% of them saying they are Aeronautics sometimes sexist. The award for least sexist department goes jointly to Bioeng and the Business Bioengineering School. Materials was a close runner up, 42.86% and 82.14% of respondents Improve the ‘ratio’ Stop complaining about the saying that fellow students and lecturers, respectively, weren’t sexist. No-one in So what can be done? Union Response Business School Maths, Chemistry, Civ Eng, Earth Sciences, EEE or Humanities claimed that their ‘ratio’ We asked what can be done to combat sexism at Re-establish the Equal Opportunities Chemical Engineering lecturers are sexist. Imperial, here are some responses: Since February a lot has happened on the Offi cer (both this role and Gender Gender Equality front. We’ve had a Gen- Chemistry Campaigns and Talks to Raise Awareness on Equality Offi cer already exist. Next der Equality Forum, kindly sponsored by academic year will introduce thehe roler the Equality and Diversity Unit, attended Civil Engineering Do you think that there is a gender advantage at Imperial? No event segregation by over 50 undergrads and postgrads, Are men advantaged? 14.81% of women said yes Sexism, Feminism and Gender Equality of LGBT offi cer) Computing which generated several discrete areas Are women advantaged? 24.85% of men said yes of focus taking us forward into the new Did not want to say Women-only space Quotas for the Sabbatical year. Two of the most important ones Eath Science Engineering Representation in Imperial College Union Look to start a Gen- team have already been put into action – the 54.81% of women said that they were not appropriately represented Imperial College could be more proactive in un- Gender Equality Offi cer role has been re- EEE 52.07% of men said that they were appropriately represented derstanding why there are less women in SET and der Equality/Femi- defi ned, and senior members of College encourage them to study at Imperial have agreed with the principle of having Humanities nism Society a women’s tutor in every department. Life Sciences A zero tolerance policy against These should provide ample opportuni- Does sexism have a negative impact on your Imperial life? sexism – this is already in pplacela at ties for students and staff to address or 6.67% women and 4.44% men said yes Increase the number of female seek help with non-gender-equal behav- Materials lecturers and professors Imperial In the recent Times Higher Education Student Experience Survey, Imperial dropped A Ladies’ Night in Metric iour. We also discussed a Gender Equal- Mathematics nine places. We wondered whether sexism might be a factor affecting the lives ity/Feminism society in some depth and Mechanical Engineering of people here, especially as Imperial’s low scores were in the ‘good social life’, More female toilets: according to Imperial College Estates, “How to be a grown up hu- it looks as though this could well be up ‘good community atmosphere’ and ‘good personal relationships with teaching the number of toilets complies with the Building Regulations man being” lessons and running by next year. Want to get DPWelfare@ Medicine staff’. A small percentage of students expressed that sexism had negatively im- standards which, for a workplace, state that “suitable and Open an architecture school involved? Get in touch at pacted their experience at this university, however almost 40% of female respon- suffi cient sanitary conveniences shall be provided at readily 50% of women said that Imperial imperial.ac.uk. Physics dents felt that it occasionally tainted their student experience. accessible places” and defi ne a specifi c number of toilets to improve the ‘ratio’ Nicolas Massie – Deputy President College Union should take action (Welfare) 100% 100% and washbasins per number of people. Business as usual on the second year fi eld trip to Sardinia. There’s still time to be in a centrefold! Groups and individuals welcome. [email protected] FELIX Friday 25 MAy 2012 19 COMMENT The tale of why I hate food shopping

ay you’re on your way home from college, and you need to pop into the supermarket for a cheeky bit of grocery shopping, even droppingS by the reduced section to buy a whole cheesecake that not only you’re never going to fi nish before it goes off but you end up paying more per unit of cheesecake eaten despite the reduction, but you buy it anyway Veli Akiner because it has a yellow sticker and you grab it like a magpie in a jewellery shop. There’s also that sense of ac- complishment that you’ve ‘beaten’ the supermarket by not paying full price, even though you’re probably playing straight into their hands. As you turn around to move on to the next isle with your booty in tow, you bump into someone you know, whose beady eyes were probably eyeing up that cheesecake you just took. Ignor- ... the machine ing them is out of the question now: you’ve made eye contact within talk- I refuse to use self checkout. I’m basically temping for free by PLEASE REMOVE ITEM FROM BAGGING AREA blares in that ing distance and both of you are sta- tionary. Plan B: you exchange pleas- voice that reads antries, talk about the weather, ask sour, all the time looking like an idiot you has bought way more stuff than of those people with the store ID card redundant questions like “doing a bit because the saving you make is some- the other. So one waits for the other, to save you. This not only defeats the “my words say of shopping, eh?” and generally lubri- thing like fi ve pence. You decide to looking on, not in an annoyed way, but purpose of self-checkouts to minimise cate the conversation until you part, take a walk on the wild side and take still wishing they’d hurry up – while human contact during shopping, but you made an before it grinds to an awkward halt. a six pint bottle, turn around, and… oh you feel their unintentional glare pile also that of theft – if on the off-chance The problem is that supermarkets it’s you again. Hi. Buying milk, I see? the pressure on you to get through the the employee sees you’ve paid for honest mistake are designed specifi cally so that you It could be your best friend, house- self-checkout sooner. You scan your 5 kilos of carrots yet all you have in traverse its isles in a scarily predict- mate, mother or girlfriend: there is no items more quickly, except the scanner your bags are chorizo, you’re not go- but by my able manner: fresh produce, then meat, way this isn’t going to be painful. fails to read the barcode so the moment ing to be able to explain it by saying dairy, the frozen section, and fi nally all If it is your housemate, you now you bag that box of cereal the machine you thought the sausages were just a intonation I’m the sweet, carbohydrate-laden goodies need to navigate the logistical and eti- blares in that voice that reads “my different cultivar. at the end. So you’re browsing the milk quette nightmare ahead of you: you’re words say you made an honest mistake Finally, with your groceries bagged accusing youou ofo section calculating how much you’d obviously going to wait for each other but by my intonation I’m accusing you and paid for (or stolen), you and your save by buying four pints instead of since you’re walking exactly the same of trying to steal”. housemate now just want to get home. trying to stealeealal two and weighing that up against the way home, but you might be at dif- Sometimes if you really addle its Then you realise you forgot to buy odds of you fi nishing it before it goes ferent stages of shopping or one of silicon brain you’re forced to call one bread…

Do you enjoy” West End musicals? Do you take pleasure in not paying for things? Do you ﬁ nd joy in watching others fail and pitifully stumble around on stage as they try to remember dance moves that they’ve only had ten minutes to practise?

If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, then don’t miss out on MTSoc’s 24 hour musical! In the space of just 24 hours, Imperial’s ﬁ nest and worst will learn the entirety of a well-known musical and then perform it for you at the measly price of £0!

There is simply no excuse for missing out! Revision is not an excuse. Not liking musicals is not an excuse. Not being alive is sort of an excuse, but not a very good one, so drag your cold dead ass along to this summer’s hottest event – other than summer.

Imperial College Union Concert Hall HOUR MUSICAL Sunday 27 May, 7pm

[The musical is NOT 24 hours long. The audience are just expected to turn up at 7 and watch a musical of a fairly standard show length (2 – 3 hours)] 20 Friday 25 MAY 2012 FELIX Arts Editors: W i l l P r i n c e Eva Rosenthal ARTS [email protected] The Poet’s Column WitTank spoons out Surﬁ ng By That Long Scan of Waves by Walt Whitman hilarity at King’s Place the wave

By that long scan of waves, myself call’d back, of weird resumed upon myself, In every crest some undulating light or shade-- some retrospect, Iain Bower Joys, travels, studies, silent panoramas--scenes ephemeral, I was in two minds on how to write this. On The long past war, the battles, hospital sights, the the one hand as a stalwart Imperialist (person wounded and the dead, of Imperial College) with a thorough ground- Myself through every by-gone phase--my idle ing in scientifi c lore, the word ether when re- youth--old age at hand, ferring to waves conjures up memories of an My three-score years of life summ’d up, and more, as-of-1887 defunct theory of a medium said to and past, transmit light through space. On the other, af- By any grand ideal tried, intentionless, the whole ter having spent Easter in a less than scientifi c a nothing, family in a less than scientifi c country, some- And haply yet some drop within God’s scheme’s thing inside me says possibly the importance ensemble--some of something doesn’t always lie in whether it wave, or part of wave, is true or not. It is this that leads to my some- Like one of yours, ye multitudinous ocean. what Jekyll and Hyde opinion of the Ethomet- ric Museum. The Ethometric Museum itself is an installa- tion in a room full of whirring, buzzing, beep- Our Felix poets are on holiday this week (or pos- ing, fl ashing, soft siren-screeching machines. sibly on exam time) so instead we bring you a bit It sounds part Willy Wonka and the Chocolate of the sea from the great Walt Whitman. With this Factory and part primitive view of a brave new weather, who doesn’t dream of the sea? world of robotics. But of course the sounds are a mere by-product of the ethometric waves fi lling you with good will and positive energy. That is the whole point. These archaic looking machines were ‘rescued from a fi re’ and carefully tuned to produce these never-before- Win Nova Festival tickets! heard-of-to-science waves: ethometric waves. This is not a night out using Hangman’s rec- ommendations. These were guaranteed to in- duce happiness by the time we left. In a darkened room, about twenty duped individuals milled around looking at machines with names like the Sonaesthetic Ethometer What a wunch of bankers! and Ether Flux Magnifi er while things fl ashed, machines beeped and a middle aged man in a tweed suit with white gloves altered dials, Will Prince you will be quoting and imitating months after. generally looking serious and occasionally With this in mind, I was over the moon when making magnets move metal objects. Enough Having fi rst seen comedy group WitTank two I learnt that I would be reviewing one of their to make anyone smile right? Well isn’t that years ago at the Edinburgh Fringe on the rare shows out of the Fringe milieu. Even in just it? This man lectures in contemporary recommendation of a friend, I’ve been com- the sleepy King’s Place venue every seat was arts and music at Oxford Brookes Univer- ing back for more at every opportunity. These taken, word-of-mouth being crucial to Wit- sity. I fi nd it hard to believe anybody in the The Arts Pages this week bring you a new competi- are the guys who compete against some other Tank’s fame. As the lights fade and the three modern age could fall for this sort of rubbish tion – and this one is even bigger and better than 2500 shows for an audience at the Fringe ev- take to the stage their appearance electrifi es the so instead I plug for the option that it’s some the last. The Nova Festival – music, art, theatre & ery year and still manage to pack the house for viewer as they seem to bounce off each other sort of elaborate piece of art where the exhibit comedy all taking place in one big fi eld in Sussex every performance. and the audience. is more the acting, the people viewing it and – is offering us a pair of tickets, valued at £100 At fi rst glance, it’s not easy to see why: the My only disappointment was that to a dedi- their feelings. A happening perhaps, I’m not each, for the winners of our competition below. threesome don’t have the media fame of other cated Edinburgh fan like myself, the material sure, I’m not au fait with this lingo. This view For all you festival fanatics out there, this is the Fringe rivals such as Jimmy Carr, Eddie Izzard presented at this London viewing was largely could explain why it was shown at Battersea perfect chance to spend four drunken days swim- or Shappy Khorsandi; nor are they born out recycled from their previous shows. Even so, Arts Centre and not Imperial College Lon- ming in love, happiness and just a little mud. Even of a traditional representation like the Oxford I was still able to thoroughly enjoy the perfor- don. if festivals aren’t exactly your thing, it will give you Revue or the Footlights. It seems improbable mance. It hardly mattered that I wasn’t hearing So that’s my take. Of the show itself, high- something to do in the long, hot summer (5 – 8 of that the set, whose existence alone arose after these jokes for the fi rst time, I was laughing lights included a blonde assistant, the fact that July to be precise) if you were planning to spend it a rejection to perform in the Durham Revue, myself into a stitch anyway. If there’s one thing she was eastern-European and her acting abil- doing not much of anything... could succeed in not only winning over but these guys are good at, it’s timing—something ity. I was particularly impressed by how she also multiplying their audience every year for the other shows of the night (The Three Eng- didn’t laugh when she told some of her stories; Send us your best festival story – in 20 words the last fi ve years. lishmen and Nish Kumar) fell short on. a favourite of mine was how Einstein calculat- max. – to be in with a chance of winning one of But succeed they have. Their sketches are Going to the Fringe this year? Make sure you ed the age of the universe after an ethometric our two tickets! brilliant, original and unforgettable: there may check these guys out. I know I’ll be in the audi- sesh. Would I recommend it? Well I did leave not be anything particularly witty about them ence again. happy, but a free beer will do that to you. The two winners will be selected on Wednesday 6 but the boyish charm, charisma and excitement WitTank returns to the Edinburgh Fringe The Ethometric Museum at The Battersea June and will be revealed in Felix on Friday 8 June. that WitTank bring to the stage draws you in immediately. See what you like at the Fringe, Festival this summer. Shows from 1 – 26 Arts Centre on the 25 and 26 May. Tick- but I can guarantee you that these are the guys August. ets are £10 fromf producers of the Big Chill comes a wonderland of art and music...

Small and beautiful, just 5000country in a garden!Sussex

5th – 8th JULY 2012, BIGNOR PARK, PULBOROUGH, WEST SUSSEX

tUnE-YaRdS / Ghostpoet / Jessie Ware / Norman Jay / The Dø / Phenomenal Handclap Band / Fink / Speech Debelle / Crazy P / Fionn Regan / The Staves / Soul Jazz / Reeps One / Late Night Tales with Belle and Sebastian (DJ set) / Zero 7 (DJ set) / Howie B ‘Myths, Monsters and Legends’ by Rankin and Damien Hirst / Doug Fishbone’s Adventureland Golf with Jake Chapman and David Shrigley

Super Nova Cocktail Bar Krystal Klear, Sofar Sessions Anna Phoebe, Indigo Earth, The Midnight Barbers, Joker And The Thief, Valley stage Jessie Ware, Ghostpoet, Norman Jay, Psychemagik, Duffstep, The Good Times Bus, Soul Jazz Sound System, DJ Food, Hexstatic, Cheeba, JFB, Bird Radio plus surprise guests Fink, Speech Debelle, Crazy P, tUnE-YaRdS, The Dø, live and unplugged Jono McCleery, Fionn Regan, Kinny, Reeps One, We Were KeepUp, DJ Shep Dog, Toby Fluffy Logic, Tim Love Lee, Evergreen, The Staves, Phenomenal Handclap Band, Pathaan, Leggo Beast, Nest Collective Campﬁre Sessions Carrie Tree, Mother Feather, Chris Coco, The Roundhouse Choir, Nova Arms Pub Aidan Larkin’s Big Ten Inch and late Vic and Tina Smith, Tim Cumming, Ballina Whalers, Sam Stumblin’ Slims and The Black Kat Boppers, Late Night night chilled sets from Mixmaster Morris and Brookes, Magic Lantern, James Morgan, City Shanty Tales with Belle and Sebastian (dj set), Zero 7 (dj set) Pete Lawrence Band, Mick Sands

‘Myths, Monsters and Legends’ by Rankin and Damien The Pick of the Pleasance: Late Night Gimp Fight, Charley Boorman, Rankin, Paul Trynka (David Bowie Hirst (featuring Dani Smith), The Hunger, Doug Abandoman, Doc Browns, Pappy’s Max & Ivan, biographer), Clive Arrowsmith, Tony Grisoni, Ben Fishbone and Friends’ Adventureland Golf with Jake The Beta Males, Ginger & Black, Delete The Banjax, Rivers, Andrew Kotting, Gustav Temple (founder Chapman, Brian Grifﬁths, Gary Webb, Zatorski & Sheeps, Battersea Arts Centre: Nurse Knows Best, editor of The Chap zine), Neil Palmer (‘Rockhunter’), Zatorski, Pete Fowler and David Shrigley, Jem Finer’s Home Correspondence, And The Birds Fells From Peter Hancock (aka comedian Jinx Jones), Katy ‘Still’, David and Peter Adjaye, Andrew Logan, Dynamic The Sky, Gooseparty, Pop Up Casino, Green and Darby (‘The Whores’ Asylum’), Neil Ansell (‘Deep Junk, 12 Months of Neon Love by Lucas & Wheater... Pleasant Land, Red Sarah, John Hegley, Teatro- Country’), Michael Smith (‘The Giro Playboy’), plus late night illuminated art in the woods Saurus, Kubla Khan Coffee House, stalking poets, Joe Dunthorne (Submarine) and Rachel Lichtenstein prowling postmen and more surprises in the woods!

Creative salons, The Roundhouse Choir - flash mobs open rehearsals, London Drawing life Yoga Sonic presents Tandava Daze, Soul Pads drawing classes, Afrikokoa drum sessions, Blink Ben Rivers, Andrew Kötting, Tony Grisoni, The for Deep Tissue, Aromatherapy, Thai massage, Arts craft salons, cocktail making with Bompas Flicker Club, The British Guide To Showing Off - live! Shiatsu, Acupressure, Reflexology, Indian Head, and Parr, Jewellery making with Andrew Logan, Late night screenings Reiki, Tui Na, Bliss Domes for sound and light foraging, cooking, burlesque, photography, painting, baths plus Yoga, Wild Run and Hot Tubs filmmaking and much more…

plusplus muchmuch moremore -- checkcheck thethe websitewebsite forfor details…details…

www.novafestival.co.uk Communal dining, cooking classes with Disappearing Dining Club, Hurly Burly, a world-wide feast, top notch Tickets from Ticketline: £139.00 students £100. www.ticketline.co.uk/nova-festival cocktails from Bompas & Parr, Nova Arms - stocking local beers & ciders... plus twisted pub entertainment Join the action on and 22 Friday 25 MaY 2012 FELIX Music Editors: Íñigo Martínez de Rituerto Alex Ramadan Ross Gray Mark England Simon Hunter MUSIC [email protected] 5/4 Respect: A Tribute O. Ambarchi: an introduction to Math Rock Pt. IV - Hella Riaz Agahi goes deep on three of this year’s offerings

odern music has few people prolifi c as Australian guitarist and multi-instrumentalist Oren Ambarchi. He started out as free jazz drummer inM his native country before moving to guitar, which he plays experimentally and unconven- tionally, producing sounds alien to traditional music. His music is of a consistently high quality Although they have often used larger set ups, Hel- and he puts out an amazing amount of collabo- la, at its barebones, is guitarist Spencer Seim and rations, with people as respected as Sunn 0))). drummer extraordinaire Zach Hill, who have played He has a simply huge discography, with more together since high school. They released their first than 3 releases this year so far and an album EP, Leather Diamond, in 2001. Even in that early with Sunn 0)))’s Steven O’Malley and Keiji release, the Sacramento, California band have a Haino in production. While I admit his regular distinctive tone, consisting of technical, breakneck output is often a challenge to keep up with, he riffs and outstanding drum performances from Hill. rarely lets the quality slip and has an outstand- Zach Hill’s drumming talents are utilised on ing range. a plethora of other projects, such as work with The logical starting point is the only solo Orthrelm’s Mick Barr, or trending experimental hip- work released this year, Audience Of One. hop group Death Grips. Seim also has a solo proj- What surprised me about it was the prevalence ect and Nintendo cover band The Advantage. of vocals on the fi rst track. I have to admit that Big O. doing what he does best Hella have been branded noise rock, but I dis- that from the opening of ‘Salt’ I was puzzled, agree with this label. While their music can have even disappointed. On further listens, how- a chaotic air to it, Seim’s guitar often flirts with ever, I realised that it was both relaxing and clear what his role was. The album is one of Audience of One is a catharsis sandwich with melody. Slow it down and make it 4/4 and it could resonant, if a little lacking in experimentation. those brilliantly layered albums where the ambient relaxation instead of bread; In The be the makings of some standard indie. The im- The same could be said for the last two tracks, listener notices new elements on every listen Mouth A Hand is a set of fi erce but hypnotic portance of polyrhythyms sets Hella apart as math which are interlinked and contain some con- and this subtlety is due to Ambarchi, with a soundscapes, only added to the organic sound rock, or a noise rock/math rock crossover. Experi- ventional use of acoustic guitar over ambient wide array of effected tones and various am- of Fire!’s jazz instruments; and Imikuzushi is mental rock is perhaps another tag that may be soundscapes. If all this sounds like a quaint bient sounds. This is unlike a lot of free jazz an exploration of some darker elements, of- applicable because Hella have never shied away ambient album, it’s because I haven’t men- in that is doesn’t stop and restart threateningly ten intense but just as often slow ominous and from experimenting. tioned the second track. As nice as the piec- loud. Fire!’s rhythm section maintain hypnotic building. Indeed, primarily an instrumental group, they es are, the main event is the 33 minute cen- rhythms giving these songs the impression of It is a common belief that prolifi c musicians included vocals from friend Dan Elkan on certain slow burners, which gradually rise and fall are often inconsistent and that when you re- tracks in early EPs, and from Aaron Ross on 2006’s with their own momentum. It is not bereft of lease that much output, some is bound to fall There’s No 666 In Outer Space. Use of vocals does “They are masters of cre- intense moments though, as Fire!’s trumpetist fl at. While I have far from listened to Ambar- little to mellow their music or blunt the band’s and Ambarchi’s noises often combine to great chi’s entire discography to truly confi rm or sense of experimentalism as while this album ating hypnotic platforms effect to provide claustrophobia, even within deny this, it is worth pointing out that every does contain some of their most accessible songs, such an expansive sound. one of these albums is well worth listening to. it also has some of their most experimental work, for the build-up of in- Live collaboration with Keiji Haino and Perhaps it’s the amount of collaborations that where vocals merely add to the psychedelic blur of Jim O’Rourke, Imikuzushi, completes the lead to this, but every album seems to be en- the instruments. Their music has also been known tensity, at once ominous set with the most extreme of the offerings. dowed with a little bit of genius, impressive on to include elements of other genres such as 8-bit The fi rst track is a statement of intent, from the fi rst listen but imbued with more and more and dance, shown by working with synths and a and refl ective” 0.01 going straight for the jugular with some depth, subtler and subtler elements with each split with Four Tet. The culmination of their experi- balls-to-the-wall, blistering noise rock, which subsequent listen. ments was the 2005 double album Church Gone eventually settles down to a steady rhythm Wild/Chirpin Hard, two independently recorded solo trepiece ‘Knots’, which is a noise rock/drone/ with recognisable instruments but still noisy albums from Hill and Seim respectively, Hill making free jazz/hard to defi ne piece, and one which guitar. Oren Ambarchi returns to his original a noise rock release and Seim going in a 8-bit/ doesn’t disappoint. It’s very hard to describe instrument, the drums, and links up well with punk/math rock fusion direction. because it is a persistently evolving musi- O’Rourke, who plays bass on this album. Lat- Be sure not to miss... Hella continue to produce quality music, releas- cal journey, starting ambient, with a beat that er tracks settle down to a more conventional ing their latest album, Tripper, last year, once again slowly speeds up, building in intensity, until it style, still intense and building, and this album Floating Points as a duo. As in the past, they created yet another drops out, leaving a more empty soundscape is defi nitely a notable departure from their Plastic People physically exhausting album, at once aggressive led by metallic sounds. earlier works, where the music could often be Saturday 26 May and catchy, with a groove running through the ma- The second album is a collaboration with an interminable mass. This sounds more like jority of the songs, resembling a less noisy Light- Swedish free jazz band Fire! entitled In The Boris on an acid trip gone bad. A further de- Floating Points, as well as being ev- ning Bolt. In contrast to the above albums, Tripper Mouth a Hand. Fire! are a super group of sorts, parture is that this really sounds like a Haino eryone’s favourite programming term, takes a restrained approach, with a sound that is as all of the trio have made their names in project as he plays the guitar and does vocals. is also a London based PhD student more traditionally Hella, which no doubt pleased other projects. They are signed to the Norwe- A highlight for me is the third track, which and purveyor of excellent, jazz-in- many, but still breaking new ground. gian Rune Grammofon label, and are masters starts of muted and ambient, a soundscape im- fused electronic music. In many ways, despite spending most of their of creating hypnotic platforms for the build- bued with haunted beauty until after 8 minutes The last Saturday in the month sees time as a duo, Hella are the perfect culmination up of intensity, at once ominous and refl ec- is drops into a normal beat, which I can’t help him at Plastic People, a tiny club of the rock band; never afraid to try new sounds, tive. It must be said that the album is closer but interpret as a nod to Krautrock. Album of off Old Street with the most insane but with a propensity for catchy hooks and a pop- to Fire!’s natural style than Ambarchi’s and in the year so far. sound system. Expect to hear every- like sensibility that makes them manageable at all fact, on the fi rst listen I struggled to work out While the order I’ve reviewed them in seems thing from jazz to disco to techno. But times. what exactly Ambarchi did on the album. He to suggest ascending quality (and does to me), more than anything expect to lose Riaz Agahi is credited as playing guitar, but as touched on I hasten to add that it’s almost not applicable, yourself. above, he makes sounds that little resemble the because each album has a different scope of Simon Hunter traditional guitar. On further listens it became moods, and caters to a different musical whim: FELIX Friday 25 MAY 2012 23 MUSIC Reviewed in 60 Zulu Winter: worth the hype? seconds Mark England travels to the Boston Arms to fi nd a Quakers Quakers band guaranteed to soundtrack future O2 adverts 2012

ulu Winter are a curious band. They seem to be a band beloved ★★★★✩ by hipsters at the minute, yet their For someone who’s as big a fan of Stones Throw soaring ambitions surely cannot Records as I, it’s a wonder I didn’t get on this al- be contained to playing to only bum earlier. In all honesty, it’s probably due to it Zthe trendy crowds of London. The band’s still not being available on Spotify (Grooveshark recent singles are highly reminiscent of the to the eventual rescue). Anyway... stadium bothering doom-pop of White Lies Quakers is a 35 strong hip hop collective, mas- and the lead singer’s powerful vocals remind sive even by hip hop’s standards. At the core me very much of Chris Martin in his prime, of the group are three producers, one of which ( I am not entirely sure when that is but I can being Portishead’s Geoff Barrow, and they also defi nitely say it is not now). Therefore it was have their very own brass ensemble. Rappers quite a surreal night when I went to their debut include Stones Throw stars Guilty Simpson and album’s launch party show at a small venue in MED, but the majority were recruited from the North London. It was an odd sight looking at vast wilderness of MySpace (back before it lost a crowd of East London hipsters, industry lig- all relevance). gers and fashionistas stroking their moustach- The beats are as good as you’re likely to hear es and sipping their Red Stripe whilst the band More hairstyles than you can shake a hipster at and the variation in rappers keeps the fl ows bash out some massive choruses smothered in fresh. The reason I haven’t given this fi ve stars swooning guitars, clearly with much bigger is that it’s perhaps not the most original produc- venues in mind. that an energetic and enthusiastic response nothing revolutionary or especially different tion you’ll hear on a hip hop album this year, but Zulu Winter have been widely tipped by was never going to be forthcoming so what did about Zulu Winter. Everything they produce if you like hip hop, you love this. BBC 6 Music, NME and Zane Lowe and so they have to lose by using the big guns fi rst? has been done ad-infi nitum before and prob- Simon Hunter they came accompanied with lots of buzz to I still remain undecided as to what was the ably done better. Many words used to describe London to play their fi rst major headline show real reason. Other stand out songs were ‘Sil- the band go along the lines of massive, epic in the capital. They started the show looking ver Tongue’ and ‘Let’s Move Back To Front’ and ambitious but one description sticks better very confi dent and assured, and it was clear which proved a real hit with the crowd; it was than most: Coldplay-esque. The comparison Shuggie Otis from the fi rst song that the band were primar- impossible not to get caught up with the soar- with Chris Martin and co. is not hugely wide Inspiration Information ily concerned with sounding huge. The song ing choruses and sweeping guitar parts. From of the mark with their album aimed towards 1974 that most people knew, ‘We Should Be Swim- the majority of the set it was very clear to see stratospheric hugeness, aided by swooping ming’, was carted out as their second song and why, even before the release of their debut, melodies and 80s styling. In the end I would this can be attributed to one of two reasons; Zulu Winter are tipped to break into the main- defi nitely recommend checking Zulu Winter either the band were extremely confi dent of stream. out. Be aware they are in no way ground- ★★★★★ their remaining songs or they understood that The issue which I would raise to all those breaking but they do prove to be a very satis- the crowd was so full of muted industry types jumping on the bandwagon is that there is fying listen. Inspiration Information is the third album from R&B legend, Shuggie Otis. It marked a divergence from his fi rst two efforts in that this album was self-produced. This and his use of early analogue drum machines helped him create a slightly differ- ous about Everdell’s vocal abilities, any such ent sound from his earlier, more traditional rhythm reservations will probably subside once they and blues. The Hundred hear the new material: she manages to bril- The appeal in this album has been lasting; many liantly capture the elegance of Lykke Li, but producers still cite it as being hugely infl uential to also kick things up to Karen O when the cre- them and songs have been sampled by the likes in the Hands scendo calls for it. Combined, the duo have of J Dilla and Madonna. Hell, ‘Aht Uh Mi Head’ managed to create some brilliant tracks, the became hugely popular one summer after it was lyrics of which carry their appeal even fur- used in the soundtrack to TV show Skins. Chris Richardson ther. The best part? Summer seems to have hit us While THITH have managed to maintain and there isn’t a better tracklist to an evening bar- Following what appeared to be an indefi nite a place in the hearts and iTunes libraries of beque than this album. hiatus after the release of their eponymous those who stumbled across their debut, I have Simon Hunter debut in 2010, The Hundred in the Hands a hunch that their new material is going to be are back on the scene. And while that said big on the blogosphere and beyond. At a time debut managed to rapidly rack up favourable when people are becoming increasingly dis- reviews from the likes of Pitchfork and Meta- gruntled with electronic music that is so fi x- critic, it looks as though we can expect much ated on a ‘drop’ (at that beloved 55 second Got an album you want more from their forthcoming second album mark, no doubt), people are all ears for the Red Night, which gets released next month. more ambient artists that offer you a massage, to shout about? As with all great electropop duos, Eleanore not a massacre. If The xx, Grimes or Purity Everdell (vocals) and Jason Friedman (beats) Ring are your sort of thing, THITH are cer- have a brilliant synergy that they manage to tainly one to add to your repertoire. maintain throughout their tracks. As far as Send us a short review with a production is concerned, think of those be- Want to see The Hundred in the Hands loved twinkles that made Jamie xx a buzzz- live? Catch them at White Heat, Madame rating and we’ll be your soapbox word, but with a side order of amphetamines JoJo’s, on Tuesday 29 May, with support fed to the BPM that invokes constant foot- from Young Man. Tickets are £7 from A band to look out for tapping. While sceptics were initially dubi- whiteheatmayfair.com. 24 Friday 25 MAY 2012 FELIX Film Editors: John Park Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Your guide to the 65th C

Marilyn Monroe – honouring the 50th anniversary of her tragic death

12 not-so-angry but beautiful women of Cannes 2012 (from the top: Cheryl Cole, Diane Kruger, Eva Longoria, Jane Fonda, Jessica Chastain, Berenice Bejo, Salma Hayek, Marion Cotillard, Isabelle Huppert, Naomi Watts, 2012’s jurors Freida Pinto, Tilda Swinton)

elcome, or should front of the tough Cannes crowd, who need to impress with their films. Sure, we say bienvenue, are known to show no mercy, brutal there are harsh film critics with their to the world’s most honesty and outright dislike for unwor- knives out expecting the best of stan- celebrated, presti- thy fi lms with boos and hisses, is a ma- dards in the Cannes screening rooms, gious fi lm festival jor achievement, and to be awarded one but really when it comes down to judg- Wof the year. Every May brings numer- of the major prizes is an honour some ing the prizes, the Cannes Jury are the ous respected actors, directors, produc- say are more gratifying than winning ones who have the final say. Made up of ers and other famous miscellaneous an Oscar. directors, actors, writers and other key guests from all around the world to the influential members of the film indus- fabulous red carpet of Cannes. This Palme d’Or – best fi lm try, this internationally diverse group of year, there are 22 fi lms from all over Grand Prix – second best fi lm people watch the films in the Official the world competing for the festival’s Prix de la mise en scène – best director Selection and decide who walks away many prizes, and Felix Film takes a Prix du scenario – best screenplay with the coveted prizes. quick tour, highlighting the important Jury Prize – third best fi lm fi lms in this glamorous, highly-publi- Prix d’interprétation féminine – best Nanni Moretti – Italian filmmaker cised event. actress (President) Prix d’interprétation masculine – Hiam Abbass – Palestinian actress and best actor director The Prizes Camera d’Or – best fi rst feature fi lm Andrea Arnold – English filmmaker director Emmanuelle Devos – French actress Essentially, what people really care Palme d’Or du court métrage – spe- Jean Paul Gaultier – French fashion about. The results are announced dur- cial mention designer ing the closing ceremony of the fes- Diane Kruger – German actress tival, where quite frankly anyone Ewan McGregor – Scottish actor involved in the 22 fi lms of the main The Jury Alexander Payne – American competition could walk up the stage filmmaker to nab a prize. Being well received in Now these guys are the ones directors Raoul Peck – Haitian filmmaker Palme d’Or - much cooler than an Oscar... FELIX Friday 25 MAY 2012 25 FILM annes Film Festival 2012 The 22 fi lms in competition this year Moonrise Kingdom Holy Motors Dir: Wes Anderson Dir: Leos Carax Cast: Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton Cast: Denis Lavant, Édith Scob Plot: A couple flee their eccentric town, whilst a search party tries to find them. Plot: Lavant travels through time and space, living multiple parallel lives.

Rust and Bone Cosmopolis Dir: Jacques Audiard Dir: David Cronenberg Cast: Marion Cotillard, Matthias Schoenaerts Cast: Robert Pattinson, Jay Baruchel, Paul Giamatti, Juliette Binoche Plot: Love story between an unemployed 25-year-old man and a killer whale trainer. Plot: A young billionaire in Manhattan goes for a limo ride. Things get complicated.

Like Someone in Love The Paperboy Dir: Abbas Kiarostami Dir: Lee Daniels Cast: Rin Takanashi, Tadashi Okuno, Ryo Kase Cast: Zac Efron, John Cusack, Matthew McConaughey, Nicole Kidman Plot: Struggling to finance her studies, a Japanese woman resorts to prostitution. Plot: Two brothers attempt to exonerate a man who they think is innocent.

The Angels’ Share Killing Them Softly Dir: Ken Loach Dir: Andrew Dominik Cast: Paul Brannigan, John Henshaw, William Ruane, Gary Maitland Cast: Brad Pitt, James Gandolfini, Richard Jenkins Plot: A young father is determined to sort his life out after avoiding a jail sentence. Plot: A point man investigates a heist that occurs at high stakes poker game.

In the Fog Reality Dir: Sergei Loznitsa Dir: Matteo Garrone Cast: Vladimir Svirskiy, Vladislav Abashin, Sergei Kolesov, Yulia Peresild Cast: Aniello Arena, Loredana Simioli, Claudia Gerini Plot: A man is accused of collaboration in western frontiers of the USSR in 1942. Plot: An Italian fishmonger enters his country’s Big Brother House.

Beyond the Hills Love Dir: Cristian Mungiu Dir: Michael Haneke Cast: Cosmina Stratan, Cristina Flutur Cast: Isabelle Huppert, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Emmanuelle Riva Plot: Two young women enter an Orthodox convent in Romania. Plot: An elderly couple must deal with the fact that they’re close to death.

After the Battle Lawless Dir: Yousry Nasrallah Dir: John Hillcoat Cast: Nahed El Sebaï, Bassem Samar, Menna Shalabi Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce Plot: An ex-military man meets a divorcee in the midst of the ‘11 Egyptian protests. Plot: Three brothers’ business in the Prohibition Era is threatened by newcomers.

Mud In Another Country Dir: Jeff Nichols Dir: Hong Sang-soo Cast: Reese Witherspoon, Matthew McConaughey, Michael Shannon Cast: Isabelle Huppert, Yoo Jun-sang Plot: Two teenage boys decide to help a fugitive reunite with his one true love. Plot: Three characters, played by one actress, each telling a different story.

You Haven’t Seen Anything Yet The Taste of Money Dir: Alain Resnais Dir: Im Sang-soo Cast: Mathieu Amalric, Lambert Wilson, Michael Piccoli, Anne Consigny Cast: Kim Kang-woo, Yoon Yeo-jeong, Kim Hyo-jin, Baek Yoon-sik Plot: A group of actors gather for the reading of a dead playwright’s will. Plot: The story of South Korea’s 1%, where the rich crave sex, power and money.

Post Tenebras Lux Paradise: Love Dir: Carlos Reygadas Dir: Ulrich Seidl Cast: Adolfo Jimenez Castro, Nathalia Acevedo, Willebaldo Torres Cast: Maria Hofstatter, Margarete Tiesel, Inge Maux Plot: The enjoyment and suffering of a family living in the Mexican countryside. Plot: A 50-year-old woman travels to Kenya as a sex tourist.

On the Road The Hunt Dir: Walter Salles Dir: Thomas Vinterberg Cast: Garrett Hedlund, Sam Riley, Kristen Stewart, Amy Adams, Viggo Mortensen Cast: Mads Mikkelsen, Alexandra Rapaport, Thomas Bo Larsen Plot: A young struggling writer takes a road trip following the death of his father. Plot: A man becomes the centre of mass hysteria in a small Danish village. 26 Friday 25 may 2012 FELIX Food Editors: A n a s t a s i a E l e f t h e r i o u Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Boston Tart “You are what you eat”: A charac by Yiango Mavroconstanti

Modiﬁ ed recipe from the recipe book “ Vegan Pie Renos Karamanis analyses Imperial’s food habits. With illust in the Sky” by Isa Chandra Moskowitz rom the title, one will probably Ingredients: think that this article is about unin- For the base: teresting food habits or a nutrition- 1 3/4 cups graham crackers or digestives ist’s advice and stuff that the ma- 3 tablespoons sugar jority of people don’t care about. 4 tablespoons melted non-hydrogenated margarine ToF be honest that could have been my editor’s 1 tablespoon milk picture of what I should write but indeed, the For the cream: theory of relativity suggests that everything is 6 ounces silken tofu salt relative, and because we are scientists it’s good 1 teaspoon vanilla extract to apply it sometimes. Therefore, I am relating 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice eating habits and food preferences with actual 1 cup soy milk human behavior and diversity of characters, 1/2 teaspoon agar powder with a more specific zoom in on our life here 1/2 cup sugar at Imperial. In this college, there are several 1 tablespoon cornstarch kinds of people, from different nationalities, For the Cake layer: studying different courses having different 1/2 cup ﬂ our interests and hobbies. All of these factors af- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder fect the way we are fed and therefore one can 1/8 teaspoon salt define the kind of one’s personality by using 3/4 cup milk this information. In the following article, I will 1/2 teaspoon vinegar analyse some of the most distinctive kinds of The “Money Spoiler Cliché”: spending daddy’s money at Michelin restaurants! 3 tablespoons sugar people here at Imperial, extrapolating from 2 tablespoons vegetable oil their eating habits. 1 teaspoon vanilla extract For the Ganache: 1/4 cup milk “I will analyse some 3/4 cup chocolate chips 1 tablespoon margarine of the most distinctive kinds of people at Imperial”

Let’s begin with the ‘’money spoiler cliché’’. This kind of individual spends more money on food than on accommodation for a flat in Central London, and I do not mean a lot of money on food because of quantity. You might be wondering, how is that possible? Well, it is quite obvious that choosing to eat at expen- sive, highly valued restaurants for lunch and for dinner on a daily basis, you would proba- Procedure: bly enjoy delicious meals but this also induces Preheat the oven at 180 ºC. Oil a 9-inch pie plate. other conclusions. I would personally describe The “Intellectual”: Food is life! The “Asian”: Interesting and brave! Crash the biscuits and add the sugar and melted this kind of individual as shallow and a snob. margarine and milk. Press the biscuit mixture in a Why is that? The fact that these people do not 9-inch pie plate and bake for 8 minutes. Let it cool accept anything that might be cheaper, spend that intellectuals “treat” their food is similar edge that they have high nutrition value. and remove it from the pie plate. Make the cake layer their parents’ money extensively and judge oth- to the way they experience life in general. What’s next? The “Cholesterolian’’. The by mixing together the milk and the vinegar. After 2 ers on the strict rules of savoir vivre says a lot. description of this eating type is quite obvi- minutes add the oil, vanilla extract and sugar. In a On the other hand, a very attractive type ous. Cholesterolians simply eat pizza, burg- separate bowl mix all the dry ingredients. Then, add is the “intellectual”. Students that belong to “I had no idea what my ers, fried chicken and all kinds of fast food the liquid mixture in the bowl with the dry ingredients. this category are those who enjoy cooking only, at a regular day to day basis. One thing Mix until just combined. Do not overmix. Place the their own food, sometimes using sophisti- kitchen-mate used to be to note is that a Cholesterolian’s excuse for batter in a 9-inch pie plate and bake for about 12 min- cated recipes, and also throw on some music this is the fact that there is no time to cook. utes. Let it cool. To make the cream ﬁ lling combine while they cook. If you are an intellectual cooking!” WHAT? SERIOUSLY? My dear Cholestero- the tofu, salt, vanilla extract in a blender. In a small you will probably feel proud of belonging in lians, feeding yourself is not something that saucepan combine 1/2 of the milk and the agar pow- this category. Intellectuals are considered to just appears on your schedule to waste your der, cook for 5 minutes stirring occasionally. Add the be very interesting people. There is no doubt Next eating type: Asian! I personally love time, it’s something you do for your own good! sugar, soy milk and cornstarch in a cup and whisk. that if you enjoy cooking, you are passionate delicacies such as sweet and sour or noodles, We are now moving to a very common eat- Add this to the simmering soy milk mixture and stir not only about cooking but probably about but from personal experience, I had no idea ing type at Imperial. This paragraph describes for about 5 minutes. Add the cooked cream in the other things as well. This kind of person sees what my kitchen-mate used to be cooking! the “Sandwich Nerd’’. In my mind’s diction- blender with the tofu and the other ingredients and food as a source of inspiration and not just Were those gigantic 30cm shrimps or huge ary, the Sandwich Nerd only eats sandwiches blend until very smooth. Pour it immediately into the a physical need for nutrition. Therefore, in- insects from the Jurassic age? Were they from the Central Library or JCR day and night baked pie shell. When the cream ﬁ lling cools place tellectuals can be very approachable and at alive? Each nation has its own food tradi- as he or she literally studies all the time. Why the cake layer on top of it. Finally, make the ganache the same time mature. Maturity comes from tions but I can say that Asians have been the all the time? People of this category may be by melting the chocolate, margarine and adding the the fact that they have taken food seriously most brave in my eyes, including ingredients buried under the illusion that if they don’t milk. Use a spatula to spread the ganache on top of and converted its preparation from some- in their nutrition that I wouldn’t even think study enough in order to get an A or A*, they the cake. Refrigerate for at least three hours. thing that might seem a time wasting need, of as edible. Many kinds of insects are in- are Imperial failures. As you might probably to an attempt for a perfect creation. The way cluded on their menu, but I have to acknowl- know, some of the Sandwich Nerds actually FELIX Friday 25 may 2012 27 FOOD cter criterion or just philosophical bullshit? trations by Ioanna Kalogeraki

vert to any other eating type mentioned before, as soon as the supplies run out. Summarizing, we have gone through

“What eating type are you?”

seven eating types in enough detail for you to start spotting yourself into one of those. What eating type are you? You can’t find yourself into one of those? You may be a combination of eating types. The complexity of everyday life here at Imperial makes us synoptic, which may be described as a new eating type. Is what you eat a character criterion though? Or is it just philosophical The “Cholesterolian”: Don’t bother on a 2-1 Tuesday! The “Lucky Ones”: Lazy and bored or just the smartest people at IC? bullshit? It depends on how someone understands the article. You can reach to your own conclusion depending on kets). I believe this fact can describe the might be always prepared on anything, the way you think. For me, the eating Lucky One as a slightly immature per- thinking two steps forward each time type is a character criterion. I wouldn’t son or not yet an adult to be fair. On the (that’s all hypothetical). It would be write the article if did not believe other hand the positive thing about the undeniable to also claim that Mummy’s so. For others it could be just bullshit Lucky One is that is a very approachable Kids are most of times guys that have someone had the idea and pleasure to person. A Lucky One has many friends, the greatest love for their moms. This write about in Felix. My tip is that if or at least he or she has some very good great love, combined with the fact that you have reached this paragraph read- friends. Why? Who is cooking for the they sometimes share their food sup- ing the whole article, you clearly believe Lucky One? FRIENDS! Now if I try plies with others, suggests people who it is an actual character criterion. If you to do some chemistry here, adding the are approachable and sociable, which still read the whole article but still be- approachability with the immaturity, earns them lots of friends. The obvi- lieve it’s bullshit, then there is clear we have a person who is very sensitive! ous thing to notice though, that always evidence that you prefer wasting your happens, is that “Mummy’s Kids’’ con- time reading bullshit in newspapers. “The Lucky One most probably has no idea of cooking”

The “Sandwich Nerd”: boring, dull, and a genius; we all need one of those! Got tired reading this? WAIT! We’re not there just yet! I can’t say I saved the best for the end but “the Mummy’s live in the Central Library (but they ruin your future career. What’s more Kid’’ is an eating type that deserves to still pay rent for a flat!). It’s a pity, tragic, is the fact that Sandwich Nerds be mentioned. “The Mummy’s Kid’’ isn’t it? Sandwich Nerds may like and have no idea that they are drowning in is of course the student that when re- actually be good at other things like the sea of pointless academic success. turning from vacation, fills the freezer music, sports or dancing and be tal- Contrary to the last two eating types, with tons of homemade food, cooked ented but put them aside as “there is the next eating type appears to be the with extensive care by his or her lov- no time for those’’. Therefore, they are one I would like to be. I call this type ing mom. The supplies include all the the “Lucky One’’. Being a Lucky One kinds of food that the Mummy’s Kid implies that you have your friends wouldn’t dare to cook and taste deli- “Getting a 2:1 will cooking for you all the time! How great ciously great. If Mummy’s Kids leave is that? It is like an Imperial “mum ver- in hall they probably occupy the whole deﬁ nitely not ruin sion’’, with the friends being your flat freezer themselves (yep, a lot of stuff!). your future career” mates, friends that live in your hall, a I remember a floor mate asking me boyfriend, a girlfriend or just a friend last year while I was unpacking the with benefits. The Lucky One most “goods’’ (yes I’m one of those): “Renos! most of times unhappy and complain probably has no idea of cooking, which Mother Karamanis must have spent about Imperial life. I would describe is a reasonable conclusion as he or she days of cooking!’’ Well she did, she this attitude as ironic. Why complain never cooks. There is one major advan- still does, but let’s move on to discover about Imperial life while it is your own tage and one major drawback about the some of the characteristics of these eat- responsibility to find the correct bal- Lucky One. The negative side is that if a ing type. Furthermore, the fact that ance of curricular and extracurricular person doesn’t know how to cook, then Mummy’s Kids store food that can last activities that makes you happy? Af- that person can’t survive alone (unless for a long time, means that they think ter all, getting a 2:1 will definitely not eating ready meals from supermar- about the future, hence a Mummy’s Kid The “Mummy’s Kid”: Marry him, you marry his mother too! 28 Friday 25 MAY 2012 FELIX Travel Editors: C h r i s R i c h a r d s o n Dushi Arumuganesan TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing you were here Cruising up the backwaters Kicking back on a luxury rice boat in the heart of Kerala

‘Seoul lotus lantern festival’ by Jeon Heon-Kyun

Nope, this boat doesn’t come equipped with its own T-Pain (real name Faheem Rasheed Najm)

Chris Richardson The company has a fl awless safety record, and this to coincidence). Travel on your doorstep all boats come equipped with more accessories After a tiring day of enjoying the feast of sights As the saying goes: even a poor-quality photo than Xzibit would ever consider including if the on offer, you’ll no doubt be ready for darkness taken on a beaten digital camera can tell a thou- and tranquillity at this point. What’s cool about sand brilliant words. Or something like that. If certain parts of the backwaters is the thousands the accompanying photograph doesn’t appeal to “experience the true of fi refl ies they house, which, if you’re lucky, you then hopefully the remainder of this article will come out and greet you for some evening will inspire you to take a trip. serenity of the canals” entertainment before you retire to your cabin. The destination in question is Alleppey, in the It’s no surprise that this ranked in my recent heart of “God’s own country”, Kerala. I know India top fi ve: when you’re kicking back with a what you’re thinking: isn’t India usually affi li- boats were to appear on Pimp My Ride. coconut on your kettuvallam, there’s really very ated with dusty temples, sprawling metropoleis While you could catch a glimpse of the back- little to complain about. Whether you’re inter- and aggressive tuk-tuk drivers? Usually, and waters in the course of an afternoon, most peo- ested in unrivalled scenery or just want to live that’s why I’d urge you to take a train (or plane, ple I know who opted to do so left dissatisfi ed out I’m on a Boat, be sure to make a backwater The legendary Camden Lock if you’re feeling fl y) to the more serene south and hungry for more, which is why I opted for a cruise your top priority when visiting Kerala. coast. one-night stay. It takes a few hours to get away Kerala boasts the highest literacy rate in In- from those trying to cram in a trip in a single af- Get there: Northern Line dia, and the government places huge emphasis ternoon, and by lunchtime you get to experience See: The lock, the markets on education and clean streets, which probably the true serenity of the canals. Gambit Cruises Eat: BYOB Brazilian at Guanabara contributes to its popularity as a global holiday have the experience of navigation and knowl- Cost: £10 for a tasty burger destination. While I’ve covered some of the oth- edge of other tour operators’ plans to make your er attractions on offer, by far the greatest reason trip as isolated and spectacular as possible. Some say it’s had its day, but Camden still has to take a trip to Kerala is to take a ride on a rice After fl oating through larger lakes and drift- some little gems on offer. If you can’t be bothered boat through its famed backwaters. ing down windy, narrow canals, you’re able to to trawl through fake band T-shirts and the other The best place to see the backwaters is by stroll through villages and rice paddies, en-route miscellaneous bric-a-brac, check out what’s on at heading out from Alleppey, where there are to a local fi sherman’s market where you can pick the Proud gallery, then follow it up with some deep probably more boat operators around than there out your dinner and grab a refreshing coconut to Planning a trip to Kerala or any other part conversation over some tasty beers at BrewDog, are kilometres of canals (more than 900, or so enjoy on your upper deck. Regardless of where of India? Contact Kerala Holidays, who or head down to the Barfl y for a wiggle. I’m told). Inevitably, many of these operators you look, you’ll have so many beautiful sights offer tailor-made custom packages for will provide you with sub-par bang-for-your- on offer to keep you entertained as your chef groups of any size, that start and end at the rupee, which is why Felix Travel has already prepares you a proper Keralan banquet. airport and include everything in between. tested the waters to fi nd a more reputable ket- In addition to the sheer time increase to enjoy Awarded as the Best In-Bound Tour Opera- Planning a trip? Want some quick advice from tuvallam provider. the area’s gorgeous fl ora and fauna, opting for an tor by the Kerala Government, and with a experienced travellers? Have a travelling tale to Gambit Cruises (GambitCruises.com) offer overnight stay opens up other interesting oppor- friendly staff who know the ins and outs of share with Imperial? a variety of packages on their humble kettuval- tunities, depending on your interests. It’s pos- the country, it’s no wonder they’re attract- Drop us an email at [email protected], or lams that can be tailored by time and destination sible to continue strolling through welcoming ing holidaymakers and celebrities alike. send us a tweet using #FelixTravel according to your needs. Your houseboat pack- rural villages as the sun sets, which could prove Visit KeralaHolidays.com to fi nd out more, age includes a captain, chef and handy-man, and even more memorable should your trip coincide where you can call them for free and check can sleep up to four should you stay overnight. with a festival (though I recommend not leaving out some of the testimonials for yourself. FELIX Friday 25 MAY 2012 29 [email protected] CLUBS & SOCIETIES Snowdonia in style All you need is food... Sejal Mahida reports on the latest Fellwanderers trip

Thea Powell n Friday 18 May at 7pm, a group of 15 of us met outside the Union and packed onto the minibus alongside bags Ofi lled with Waitrose goodies, ready for a weekend of luxury. After stopping at a huge Tesco, dodging a cat in the road and listening to classical music being interrupted by a whale repeatedly falling into a huge swimming pool, we arrived at the hut in Drws-y-Coed around 1.30am and went straight to bed. Waking bright and early on Saturday we had our fi rst luxury meal – bagels with smoked salmon and cream cheese. We then set off on the minibus to Arenig Fawr. We were lucky that it didn’t rain all weekend, but on Saturday there was a thick fog that unfortunately made it pretty hard to see any of the views from up high. After the ascent, we stopped at the top (854m) for our luxury lunch, huddled in the shade of a memorial. Once stuffed with posh bread, cheese, salami, wild boar, other assorted meats Another weekend of desolation, only without any revision involved and organic chutneys, we began the de- scent via Moel Llyfnant (751m). Soon enough, it was time for some Darjeel- derful cooks attempted to make a bar- a beautiful morning and had our luxury weather. The hike up was tiring but we thankfully it was tiny compared to what ing tea (courtesy of Harrods) alongside beque for our luxury dinner, but in the breakfast (croissants with more amaz- were rewarded with wonderful views we walked through on Saturday. We scones topped with Duchy raspberry end had to resort to the oven. In the ing jam and butter) on the scenic mini- all around, including being able to see got back to the minibus around 4pm, and strawberry jam (best food on the mean time, our soggy clothes, shoes bus ride whilst listening to classical out to sea. Our luxury lunch on top of met up with the rest of the group, put trip) and clotted cream. We then headed and feet were dried by the fi re. Our music. Several people were feeling a the trig point consisted of more posh some lovely dry clothes on, and headed off for the last stretch down from Moel luxury dinner consisted of (many) burg- little worse for wear after the previous bread, cheese, assorted meats and salad. home. After stopping at The Harvester y Slates (557m) towards the minibus ers, chicken, sausages, salads, summer day’s walk, and so they went off to en- After lunch we happily clambered for a tasty dinner, texting in to an agony through what is probably the longest trifl es, wine, port, champagne and el- joy a ride on a steam train and walk in along a rocky ridge before dipping aunt on the Radio 1 ‘Sunday Surgery’ stretch of bog that any of us have ever derfl ower cordial. Once suitably stuffed the ‘Welsh rainforest’ in a nearby town. down and then ascending back up again and singing along to Maroon 5, we walked through, and got thoroughly full of luxury, some went to bed whist The rest of us headed up towards Moel- to Moelwyn Bach (710m). On the de- made it back to London for 11pm, in soggy – with Rob’s jump/skid/fall defi - others enjoyed polishing off the wine wyn Mawr (770m). The sun was peak- scent we stopped for some tasty home- time for everyone to catch last tubes nitely being the most amusing. and after dinner mints. ing through the clouds and there was a made luxury Welsh cakes, courtesy of home and have a much needed luxury Upon returning to the hut, the won- We woke a little later on Sunday to slight breeze, making it perfect walking Jim. Soon after, we hit some bog, but shower and sleep. Strictly hate dancing? Give it a shot!

Stephanie Walton the lights were off, and the only sound because I was obviously wearing far too loved this type of dancing. Samba is a beautiful, bathed in the fi rst sunshine of I could hear was that of seagulls – there many square inches of clothing. I was “progressive” dance, which means that the summer. Too beautiful perhaps, as I used to loathe dancing. I was one of was evidently no dance competition then issued with a marathon-style num- you describe a circular shape around the on my return it emerged that I had em- those people who stands in the corner here. After a few frantic phone calls I ber to put on my back, and from then room as you dance. Rather inevitably barrassingly missed the pair event, my looking awkward, refusing to join the ascertained that yes, I had got the right onwards I was just “96”. as we (my teacher and I) “progressed” fi nal chance to dance! I set off for home, dance fl oor. However, in a moment of date, but no I wasn’t at the right place; in front one of the adjudicators, my dejected but convinced I should redeem daring, I tried Latin American Dancing I was meant to be at the town hall over routine “progressed” out of my brain myself at another competition. and not that long after I found myself 2 miles away. When I fi nally arrived, I “I had been paired at causing me to come to a rather embar- Was the whole day worth it just for travelling one Sunday morning to the knew I’d made it. Women in blindingly rassing halt. Needless to say I did not two minutes of dancing? Defi nitely. It south coast for my fi rst competition. bright sequined dresses and thick layers the last minute with get through to the next round. However, was great to see so many dancers of so The day got off to a bad start. I ar- of makeup were rehearsing their moves spirits remained high since the “pairs” many ages enjoying themselves (there rived at the Hove Dance Centre with in the lobby. I panicked. Not only did a charming Parisian” event was yet to take place. I had been was a whole section for 50 plus age relative ease, rather smug at having they look terrifyingly good at dancing, paired at the last minute with a charm- group), and I picked up some tips about successfully negotiated National Rail’s but I also realised that I was both un- ing Parisian whom I was to Cha-cha-cha how I should dress (!). I also saw danc- replacement bus service. But as soon as der and over dressed for the occasion; When it was time to dance all my with. Seeing that the individual events ing of the highest standard which was I arrived I started to notice that some- underdressed because I hadn’t stuck apprehension vanished. As the music were taking some time, I took the oppor- truly incredible. I certainly no longer thing was not quite right. The building sequined jewellery on my forehead or started playing I was transported to tunity to take a stroll along the seaside have any inhibitions on the dance fl oor. was very small, its door was locked, greased back my hair, and overdressed Brazil and I remembered how much I and get something to eat. Hove looked That is, when I make it there on time. 30 Friday 25 may 2012 FELIX

HANGMAN 2.0 [email protected] exclusive hangman interview WITH ROBERT DE NIRO

“You talkin’ to me?” Living legend Robert De Niro shared a few erudite nuggets of wisdom with Hangman

The stars have been descending on Imperial over the last couple of weeks, with Robert De Niro drop- ping by the Library Cafe on Wednesday for a chat with Hangman over a frothy cappucino:

Hangman: Hi Rob. De Niro: Hey. H: Did you hear people thought that we actually in- terviewed Will Smith last week, like, for real? Next week... D: Haha. H: We’ve been running low on inspiration for horo- scopes lately, have you got any ideas? D: No. H: Thanks for your time! PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA IN BEIT QUAD FELIX Friday 25 MAY 2012 31 Puzzles Admiral: James Hook [email protected] PUZZLES Cryptic Crossword 1,519

Wordoku 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

T F S E 9 10 S G I 11 12

13 14 15 G O 17 16 17 18 19

E 20 21 24 22 23 24

O H 25 26 E F H R 27 29 28 Across Down

1. In sermons, terrible beast (7) 1. Church service in front of R F I T 5. Non-permanent worker queens incomplete European muscle frames of mind (7) manipulator (7) 9. South Easterners drink fluid (5) 2. Prickly thorn gives direction (5) 10. For locating objects in tundra 3. Speed within totem pole (5) H E I darkness (5) 4. Cloud of anger in cluttered mistake 11. East African citizen hit English (3,4) piano curiously (9) 5. Rough terrain shoe (7) 12. Enlist two points and turn without 6. Killing eccentrically erring mud (9) fifty (5) 7. Ancient tree (5) O I 13. Beautiful German and one 8. Unused Knight, we hear, add! (7) American in tirade (7) 14. Spaceman is roast blasted before 15. Dear Sir mutilated the attackers (7) zero, we hear (9) 16. Stir wet stormy tornado (7) 16. Pooh’s bouncy friend gets royal Yeah, yeah, so it was wrong the other- er useless word or phrase that appears 18. Grind, ie. grain, an African state (7) catch (7) week. We know, we’re terrible. We’ve in one of the rows or columns, but this 20. One gram toilet house (5) 17. Cock list holding ball (7) shuttled the external moderators off to week is especially relevant to what we 22. Butchered 17 without rivers 18. Crazier hard fruit layer (7) Iceland (see right) to cool off while we should have had with respect to our re- precedes track back specialist (9) 19. Cross the late sportsman (7) struggle to restore our credibility to ac- cent puzzle setting and dire execution. 25. Greek letter publication in reverse, 21. Cook 1000 meal making a ceptable levels. As usual, answers to puzzles.felix@ endless publication (5) mathematical statement (5) The traditional wordoku has every imperial.ac.uk, but the whole grid 26. Lift up and destroy completely, 23. Man-eating giants king goes row, column and 3x3 box containing please, not just the word, this ain’t no we’re told (5) awkwardly (5) one letter each. The end result is a rath- anagram. Failure isn’t an option in Puzzles 27. Apparatus to produce energy about 24. Genial ibis contains crime cover thespian (7) story (5) 28. Breathe about steeple (7)

SLITHERLINK FUCWIT Will Smith’s Scribblebox League Leader Board Last Week’s Solutions 333 2 22 Teams:Teams: 3 3 1 1 2 Elbowfart 155 Nonogram Slitherlink 1 2 2 2 2 The Jailbaits 126 2 Pegasus & Parrots 104 2 231 3 Team Nuclear 58 3 3 0 Paddy Got Bummed 55 1 3 22 Cum Puzzling Sluts 47 2 2 3 3 Ludibrium Lads 14 2 101 3 2 Individuals:Individuals: 1 2 22 Jeremy Neale 142 2 3 2 1 Wael Aljeshi 46 SPORTISSUE 1519 25.05.12

IC Synchronised Swimming e already knew intense concentration, four minutes of London was the smiling despite the tiredness; but also sixth French city, four minutes of happiness, four minutes Tri-umph en France now it also has a of fulfi llment, four minutes looking at synchronized swim- the people around the pool between fi g- mingW team ranked third in the French ures and letting their cheers give them a IC SSynchronised h i d Swimming S i i ttake k thithird d place l out t of f all ll FFrench university University Championship (the French push to keep going and swim better than equivalent of BUCS). With its fi ve keen they ever did. And then they came out teams, reports Delphine Rolando members and two amazing coaches, it of the water, waving at their names and was no mean feat for Imperial College laughing with relief, with the best feel- Synchronised Swimming team to just to ing of all: the feeling of achievement. participate to this competition. Being the only university team in the UK, they had no choice but to try to compete abroad. “Pretty, clear, and After convincing the French organis- ers that an English university team has worth a medal” its place in a French competition; fi ghting to get enough swimmers to compete in the middle of the undergraduate They did it; they showed that despite student exams; and struggling to get the lack of training opportunities, de- enough training to be ready in time; they spite having only fi ve girls competing, fi nally arrive in Thiers, a small city in despite having two girls who only start- the middle of France best know for its ed synchro six months before, they can knifes, on the morning of the competi- still swim, and compete a nice routine. tion. They found very friendly organ- It might not be as good as a routine with isers and French teams to greet them, ten girls; it might not be as technically but also discovered soon that the other diffi cult as a routine from girls who did teams had not been training three hours ten years of synchro and practice ev- a week as they had but two to four hours ery day; but here it is, pretty, clear, and per day! worth a medal. After all these emotions After the usual warming-up session they were thanked by the organizing when they had the opportunity to go committee with a special scarf for com- through the last details to perfect, they ing all the way from England, and got have a few hours to eat and get prepared their medal. A little push and their coach for the competition itself: make up, put ends up in the water, fully dressed; they their hair up and put some gelatine in to join her, a few last pictures and this is it, keep it from falling in front of their eyes it is time to leave the pool. Eat a little, in the water. Then they were called for take off this synchro make up and silly their training with music: the last time gelatine in their hair, have a few well- they could do the whole routine in music deserved drinks and then a good night before the actual competition. The pres- sleep. Tomorrow, a little stroll in Lyon sure is on, not only do they have to per- and then back to London; after all syn- form their routine in front of their future chro is not all, they have to work as well. competitors but also in front of all the Here it is, end of the story for now; swimmers taking part in the traditional but if you would like to live it next year, swimming competition taking place in they are going to France to compete the same pool that day. They now have again, so you could join them, whatever a few minutes to relax and rest before your level; they will be happy to take the competition starts with the duets and you on board and teach you all you need then the team combination routines. The to know. And if you do not want to com- stress is at its highest; despite a training pete, well why not still give synchro a well they have to stay focused as this go, just for fun, IC synchro team would is their one shot at showing what they be delighted to introduce you to the have been working on all year long. sport or help you practice if you already Four minutes of effort, four minutes of have some experience. SCIENCE POLITICS ARTS MUSIC FOOD

Candidate Expenditure until April 30th, 2012 250

200

150

$ MILLION $ 100

Terry (R) Terry Pawlenty (R) Pawlenty Huntsman (R) Huntsman

Karger (R) Karger Paul (R) Paul Johnson (L) Johnson McCotter (R) McCotter Romney (R) Romney Bachmann (R) Bachmann Cain (R) Cain Gingrich (R) Gingrich Santorum (R) Santorum Perry(R) Roemer (I) Roemer Obama (D) Obama

DEMOCRATS: $217.215 MILLION REPUBLICANS: $241.310 MILLION TOTAL AMOUNT SPENT ALL PRO-CANDIDATE PACS: $90,470112 Candidate Donation Demographics Humanity is still Spending in the US WitTank at King’s An introduction to Eating habits at evolving elections Place Oren Ambarchi Imperial Page 10 Page 12 Page 20 Page 22 Page 26