ELIX« The Student Newspaper of Imperial College NolOGV 140CT94 Imperial To Merge With NHLI

BY MICHAEL LI l)L\M AND ANDREW TSENG

The proposed merger with the National Heart, and Lung Institute with Imperial College is due, to go ahead within a year. What is described as an "affiliated rela- tionship" between the two estab- lishments is planned to start this autumn. The amalgamation is the first phase of a plan to make Imperial College a medical super- school. In the second phase, if is expected that, St. Mary's will merge with Charing Cross Westminster Medical School and the Royal Postgraduate Medical School to create one large medical school at Imperial College. This second phase is due to start, is Implant: Imperial acquires a new organ 1996. The Basic Medical School, to be built on the site, of the old There are seen to be four into the next, century. Imperial government policy that is threat- Chemistry building, will hopefully advantages widi a merger. Firstly College will also play a part in ening some London teaching hos- absorb some these facilities onto a larger school would be able to helping to prepare doctors for the pitals with closure. The medical one site. Joint admission by the attract, bigger grants and carry out expanding field of medical tech- school that these proposals would two undergraduate medical better research than the smaller nology. Thirdly administrative create would be of "world size and schools to the South Kensington institutions could themselves. costs will be reduced and lastly world quality, something to which campus is expected to start, in Secondly that the education of that patient care will be improved. none of the individual components 1997 or 1998. A merger with the Postgraduates, but, particularly Some rationalisation is could separately aspire." Institute for Cancer Research is Undergraduates will be improved. expected so that the most can be At, present it is unclear how also being discussed although this The current intake for St. Mary's gained from this merger. It, is seen exactly the plans will pan out, but will be more difficult, as the is small for future London medical as necessary to make the, new it is clear that Imperial College is Institute receives much of its schools, increasing the numbers medical school as attractive as extremely serious about expand- money from charity. wordd hopefully help it survive possible, in the light, of present ing its medical capabilities.

H Contents news pages one&two&three editorial and credits page three news feature: confidential drift page four the Superleague s-files: net special page seven freshers' week photo extravaganza pages eight&nine BY JOE MCFADDEN competition for funds from 'new' page eleven universities. Ideas under consider- feature: computing at shell the Imperial College is one of an elite ation include breaking away from felix pull out and stick up on your wall group of universities who are national pay bargaining so they spectacular pages twelve&thirteen union planning to form a 'premier can offer higher salaries to attract league'. top staff, and opposing plans by news page fourteen incoming: your first About. 10 top universities - the, Government to share out lim- letters arrive page seventeen clued up page known collectively as the Russell ited research funding more evenly nineteen standby pages twenty&twentyone Group - have been discussing with former polytechnics. ways to protect, their research con- The core, members of the seven day guide pages twentytwo&twentythree H tracts in the face of increasing (Continues on page 2) News RCS Pot Lost and Found Smoked

BY ANDY S1NHARAY Usually kept in the Union President located the missing bar, 3.H.P. has been in RCS pos- tankard in the Mines Office. It. Out! "3.H.P. Missing, feared snatched session since the mid-sixties. was the morning of Monday 10th by Guilds!" was the headline that Engraved with the names of RCS when he returned it. to the Union BY DAVID COHEN screamed out at readers of the executive, members past and pre- bar, safe and sound. Royal College of Science's (RCS) sent, it was originally believed to "I'm glad we got it back," Freshers' week has proved that newspaper, Broadsheet. The have been stolen by members of said the RCSU president, but. he the dope detecting fire alarms Three I landled Pot, known affec- the City & Guilds College Union stressed that that the Three work. A first, year student has tionately as 3.H.P. went, missing (C&GCU), despite there being Handled Pot is not. a mascot, and been heavily fined after being on Sunday 2nd, but was found what was described as "a strong therefore exempt from the usual caught taking illicit substances . eight days later. [Royal School of] Mines presence" rigours of mascotry. "Any future The incident, took place on Mr Charlie Bell, President, of on the evening of its disappear- theft will be regarded as such, the Wednesday. Fire alarms were the RCS Union, said that one ance. and will be dealt with according- set off in the Old Hostel of Beit attempt to remove the pot. had Charlie Bell said he had con- ly." He added, "it's worth a lot. in Hall. Security guards were alerted been thwarted by RCS members. sulted both Fiona Grandison and terms of sentimental value to the to the source of the alarm and However, later in the, evening it. Vinod Fernandez - Presidents of RCSU... to whoever borrowed it, promptly apprehended a student, disappeared, apparently without, the C&GCU and RSM Union thanks for the sleepless nights, smoking marijuana. The student, trace. (RSMU) respectively. The RSMU guys." whose name remains confidential, was cautioned and fined by the warden of Beit Hall, Jon Marangos. Dr Marangos would not. comment on the incident. Newsagent Nirvana Posters around Beit. Hall c^ have been put. up to reiterate the BY REBECCA MILE HAM computing PhD student. shop to get cigarettes and drinks". fact, that the College smoke The Financial Times sold As yet, few clubs and societies alarms, though relatively insensi- Sales of canned drinks from over 70 copies a day under a new have taken advantage of the tive to tobacco smoke, are very Union outlets, doubled in a suc- scheme, which reduces its price to opportunity to order specialist, sensitive to most other forms of cessful first week's trading at. 15 pence, while all three issues of magazines from the newsagent. smoke. Imperial College's newsagent. Woman's Own sold on the first "I think people, may be com- day of opening. Of the tabloid ing into the newsagent rather newspapers, previously unavail- than going to the JCR" says man- able in the bookshop, only the Superleague continues ager Jill Gibbons, a view con- Sun clocked up significant sales. firmed by students emerging from "It looks great," says Miguel (Continues from page 1) aged...we are an informal group the newsagent with their purchas- Santos, a second year computing Russell Group (named after the with similar interests, set up for es. student who claimed to live on London Hotel they meet in) are the protection of the research "I used to go to the JCR, but chocolate. "You used to have to Oxford, Cambridge, Imperial col- strengths of leading universities.' it shuts at 4.30", says Nat Price, a go all the way round the book- lege, the London School of Members of the Russell Group also Economics, University College point out. that funding for centres London, Manchester, Warwick, of technological excellence must be Edinburgh and Birmingham. kept high if the UK is to compete Other universities are fearful internationally. RAGged that, if the, Russell group decided to Vice-chancellors from new 'break away' and form a super- universities have reacted by form- league they would attract the best, ing their own pressure group, to Tiddlywinks students and all die most lucrative guard against what they see as the research contracts from both the beginnings of a two-tier system. public and private sectors. They are concerned that, members BY ANDY S1N11ARAY Clem) he said he would have pre- Sir David Williams, Vice- of the Russell Group super league ferred a better turnout, but was Chanccllor of Cambridge Univer- will be the only universities able to The Annual RAG Tiddlywinks optimistic that RAG's next event. sity, insisted in an interview with afford the rising costs of research, Down Oxford Street took place on — Monopoly around London FELIX there was 'nothing sinis- while the rest are forced to Saturday, raising nearly £400 for would be better attended. Anyone ter' about the plans: 'there is no become teaching-only institutions. ActionAid. The amount raised was wishing to take part should attend super-league and none envis- £200 down on last, year's figure, the RAG meeting on Friday, RAG chair Ian Robertson said immediately after the UGM Clarifcation that those, attending "collected (which starts at 12) or they FELIX would like to make clear that the damage caused to Da excellently...and had a great should sign up at the event on Vinci's at, the beginning of term was not, the responsibility of Imperial time." Having four minibuses full Saturday at 10am, at. the ICU College staff. Imperial College staff were not involved at, any stage. The, of participants (as well as using building. plumbing carried out in the Union building was undertaken by an RCS and BSM mascots Jez and external contractor.

lilM FELIX I40CT94 News and Editorial

Elsie Widdowson (President of the unlike some major high street 18 years, from 1976-1994. News In British Nutrition Foundation since banks there is no charge for 1986). becoming overdrawn. Services can Travel to Israel They will be formally be nearly anything, from window Candidates arc invited to apply for admitted to the Fellowship by the cleaning to saxophone playing. one of the 1995 Bessy Emanuel Brief Chairman of the Governing Body, Students remaining with the Educational Trust, Israel Travel Sir Frank Cooper at, the conventional loans system face Grants. The bursaries, worth up to Fellows Commemoration Day Ceremony bleak statistics. According the the £500, are provided to students The following have been elected to on Thursday, 27 October 1994. NUS they can hope to graduate interested in undertaking a the Fellowship of Imperial College: with around £8000 of debts personal project, in Israel. These Professor Sir David Cox Barter Bypass (Sunday Telegraph, 9/10/94). could such things as studies of (Head of Mathematics 1.970- Local Exchange Trading Schemes ethnic communities, eduction of 1974), Sir Ralph Robins (Lets), the cashless barter schemes Succession gifted children or the care of the (Chairman of Rolls-Royce pic), that operate across the country, Professor David Southwood, aged in the, kibbutz. Professor Abdns Salam (Professor have reportedly begun to target (Professor in the Space and Candidates are invited to of Theoretical Physics at, IC 1957- Britain's first year students at Atmospheric Physics Group) has submit a brief outline of their 1993), Professor Roger Sargent events like Freshers' Fair. replaced Professor Blow as the project idea by February 1 1995. (Head of the Department of A directory lists the services head of the physics department. Those interested can obtain Chemical Engineering at Imperial, members can provide and the Professor Blow, who was also application forms from John D A 1975-1989 and Director of the work they do is collected on a Professor of Biophysics, retired on Levy, Academic Study Group, 25 Centre for Process Systems central computer. Running totals the 30th September 1994. Lyndale Avenue, London, NW2 Engineering, 1989-1992) and Dr keep track of 'credit and debt' but He had been at the helm for 2QB. Tel: 0171 435 6803.

with a Swipe card, by the author, intra? After the, march/riot (believe hundreds of students) and I doubt as unfortunately there have, been the press or the police) people the ability of SRC to achieve the cases of fraud in the past. were saying 'the police just, necessary level of 'openess' and charged in' and 'they came in communication. I dislike the Best a brick in the face? huge numbers'. They talk about argument, that, the officers sitting Flat Update I went to the anti Criminal Justice the police starting the trouble on it actually represent, the Several kind readers have Bill march on Sunday, shortly when generally I think it is that students their position denotes managed to bypass the heavily before it turned into a club 18-30 the police are simply the first, to and if that is true then some are doctored photograph hurdle smash-and-scream shopping trip have to make a decision. Despite more represented than others (eg. above to recognise me and to down Oxford street. Basically, we the undeniable miscarriages of a female in hall who plays hockey enquire, as to how my domestic saw something bad going down humanity that have been and dances vs. a studious scholar). life (Re: Issue 1005) is going. Well, and so we got out of there. Fifteen perpetrated by the police, the fact On the other hand I've been we have, managed to move into a minutes earlier I had read a is that they will be the first, ones to trying to get people to read a copy flat, that, (we believe) is actually communist leaflet telling me to tell risk injury in any situation. One of the constitution that has been owned by our landlord. It is a the pacifists to 'push off and all docs not generally feel on the on the FELIX front desk all converted 'hotel' (Calcutta style) along Piccadilly black clad figures point of being assaulted when week. No-one has. What choice do with two bathrooms, at least one with scarves wrapped around walking in a demo, but they we have? of which works at any time. We their mouths had scarpered in rat continually face that, threat The UGM is at 12:30pm in are living in the Polynesian style, like packs. There were clearly unarmed and in smaller numbers. Biology W2 and W3, Beit Arch. with low beds and furniture. In elements out to cause trouble In many countries, people dressed fact, the furniture is a door based (cither that or they were highly in terrorist, garb and masked Credits arrangement and our clothing is susceptible to traffic fumes...) would be shot on sight, not left to sit planning on the steps of Editor Owain Bennallack placed in vertical piles in a 'Last, I hate the Criminal Justice fashion stores. The police, have to Printer Andy Thompson In First, Out' queuing system. (We Bill on many levels and I thought go in en masse when they do: if I Business Manager Tim Bavister have no drawers but, boy do we too that I hated the police, or at had men and women doing their Advertising Manager Helen Randall have good acoustics). least the concept of a police force job and threatened with severe We also have a nice space in (although at a Trafalgar Square, Editorial Team violence under my command I'd the kitchen for a fridge, currently mini-riot I almost vomited to see News Andrew Tseng & Mike Ingram be tempted to send the tanks in. located in another space, one booted in the head five, feet Features Kate unknown, and our old friend who from my feet). But this summer I The police don't make the Clubs, Societies and Union Piers Daniell Art and Literature Jon Jordan visited Paris and saw thousands of laws: the government, you and had lodged himself in America has Cinema Wei Lee returned to bargain the rent, the French Police line the roads me do (by actions or inactions) Music Vik Bansal down, swap rooms and move into for a tourist procession, gun on and no-one deserves to take a Standby Jon Jordan the FELIX office. hip and snarl on face. I saw the beating for another mans laws. Seven Day Guide Wei Lee & Ivan Chan Flats: Can't live in them, anti-terrorist units in packs of six Columns Marcus Alexander can't squat without: them. kick in a fruit, stall in a Metro Constitution Layout and Design Paul Dias station screaming abuse and I've So today sees the first submission Photography Ivan Chan & Diana Harrison S-Flles Tim Parsons Postcards from Nowhercsville seen a British constable, stand in a of the new constitution to a UGM, Could Anna of Biology please road surrounded by people a body it. seeks to make near Editorial Assistance screaming 'Kill the Bill', unarmed come into FELIX and confirm extinct. My feelings are mixed. On Collating Last Week her authorship of two letters I and patient. So I don't hate them the one hand I mourn the passing Marcus Alexander, Jon Jordan, Mike Ingram, received this week. All letters must anymore. of regular UGM's (which just a Patrick Wood, Joe McFadden be brought to the FELIX office The point of this long winded few years ago attracted many Helpfulness Simon Govier & Steven Newhouse FELIX News Feature Confidential Drift The Union may be going south, as MichaelLudlam explains below... A plan has been proposed by College to move the Union to Sheffield to make way for a conference centre in Beit Quad. The scheme, only officially admitted in July, is still in the early stages of development. These proposals arc pari of the 'Foster master plan1 that was conceived by architects to make the Queen's lower and lawn the "heart-space" of College. This ties in with the suggested "Albertopolis" plan to convert the whole of South Kensington using money from the millennium fund back to its former splendour. The Foster architects carried out a review of the Sherfield building which the Director of College Estates, Ian Caldwell described as a working environment that is "tired, worn and outdated". He added "every time we get one new member of staff in we spend an absolute fortune trying to sort out where to put them." In particular the double corridors and light will go ahead. The Director of Estates Ian department, as witnessed at last years rag wells have been sighted as incredible wastes Caldwell, said that the administration side of fete. A partial move so that some of the Union of space. College could probably be reduced. It would remain behind in Beit, has been The College is already due for changes presently occupies parts of all five floors. This suggested but this has as many disadvantages soon. Plans for the Basic Medical School would free up space that could be used by as advantages. Any move to be considered (BMS) that, is proposed to replace the old other parts of the College. "One of these would be extremely expensive and would be Chemistry building have already been options is to create more student activities met by the College and not by the Union. submitted to the Department of Health . This akin to the union" said Ian Caldwell. The Deputy President was adamant about will be in place to help the merger with the The Union itself is not. directly under this particular issue slating "the Union will National Heart and Lung Institute (NHLI) threat and College has recognised its role not pay for a single penny of moving us over and Charing Cross Westminster Medical within Imperial. Students have been [...] we are not going to pay to keep the school with Imperial College. It is also promised their voice will be heard. Dan Look facilities we've got". proposed that the Biology department move said that, "if they [College] want to move us Dan Look expressed reservations on to the BMS. Thus if the Union was to relocate we would take this to a referendum for all the how the Union had not been approached to Sherfield, Beit Quad would be free to students in College" adding that is the answer before architects came to conduct a feasibility become an accommodation block for was a no to moving, the Union would fight it study. He said "I think there is a tendency conferences. As Beit is the most picturesque ali the way. "It is students in the end who amongst some members of College part of College this would probably revitalise decide." administration not to realise the fact that the conference attendance. Discussions have Concerns about any move to Sherfield Imperial College is here for students. Without opened between ICU and College, but. no by the Union have been voiced, in particular the students it would no be a university, it. is decisions have been made. But this is not the with regard to the Union bar and the Union as simple as that." While Lucy Chothia said only proposal. ICU suggested that, the Quad Dining Hall. If such a move were to take that College may have wanted to sec how be developed to create what Dan Look, place FELIX has been reassured that they quickly the new sabbaticals got off the mark deputy President of finances and services would both be moved "panel by panel" to and how much they wanted to be involved in described as a "student village" that would any new Union to preserve them. "There is a the discussions. For their hard work they contain the health centre, a dentist and lots of lot of history to this building" stated the ICU have had the assurances of the managing shops along with other student needs. But President Lucy Chothia. "The problem is that director of College, the Registrar, the Director "College weren't overly impressed by that," the Union has so much tradition [...] and of Estates and other influential figures within said Dan. Sherfield is very faceless," added Dan Look College that the Union will be fully consulted before anything goes ahead. Changes need to be made to the who continued "let's face it, it's an ugly College to cope with the expected influx of an monstrosity". Given the time frame it is obvious that extra two thousand students in the next: seven If the Union were to move to Sherfield nothing physical will happen for a long time. years. The tennis courts next to Linstead Hall it would be contained in one floor that, would However these are serious plans that require are expected to go while floors will be added be altered to provide at least all the services it serious thought. The Union isn't completely to the Sports Centre to cushion the loss. A lot, now provides and hopefully more. The Union opposed to these plans if they provide of the north side of Princes Gardens is needs a larger venue to be able attract big students better services. Dan Look happily condemned or requires serious work while bands, at present the biggest room in Beit admitted, "I agree with the principals of it, it. there are plans to expand Southside. The only holds 300. A purpose built venue and would be nice to have a College campus with College is going to have change its shape or it. bars would theoretically provide a better one centre with everything gradually will run out of space. service for students but problems have been radiating out." The proposals to alter Sheffield are cited such as the bar deliveries and the noise What ever happens watch this space, "very serious" and it is likely that changes from the bands disturbing the administration or that space, or watch for the bulldozers. 13

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Please hand this form in at the newsagents The S-Files Net Access Special: Fighting for your doorway to the Future!

°f Culture CLICK ON ME

DOC HARRISON SOUNDS THE ALARM

MORE EQUAL ACCESS?

Netculture is infill rating mainstream culture like an The Guide to Computing at IC says: "members of college accelerating juggernaut: cautious at first, but. utterly are normally entitled to an electronic mail address". The unstoppable once moving. The Internet in 1994: wel- S-Files discovered a wide disparity between what's on come to a 100 mph screaming turbo-charged 18- offer in different departments. Where's yottr Dept. in our whecler! In the first of our special reports, the S-Files switched-on pecking order? Seize the medium! unlocks the internet, at IC, and demands access for all. Dept Email FTP/Telnet Talk/IRC Reuts fflosatc Comments Contact Over the past four years, the S-Files have watched while the net / Own homepage Aero / I. Matthews / awoke. Phis year, it has reached critical mass. With over 20 million peo- Biochem / P. Little No information ple on-line and a growth rate of 10 percent per month, the jump into Biology P. Mueller / / Chem Eng R. Wood non-proprietary, virtual culture represents one of the largest mass- / Own homepage Chem H. Rzepa / After Christmas... migrations since WWII, wildly outstripping its plain, simple beginnings. Civ Eng R. Wing / / Own homepage Comp J. Murphy You were hoping to come to a nice, technical university where you / / Elec Eng P. Naylor / / No Mosaic? would learn about maths, Geology P. Suddaby No information physics, biology, whatever, in "i Humanities S. Goodlad? No information Mgmt Sch N. Murray the cool, calm comfort of a / No Mosaic? Materials / C. Waters / Mosaic soon... cloistered college. Right? Maths / D. Moore / Mech Eng / C. Besant Wrong! You're switched on by / High hopes... MinResEng / J. Harrison No News/Mosaic? technology, popular culture, his- Physics / W. Mier tory, art, people, travel, London, gJTrodes H © language and the future. Log on. Join us. Net 'Trades: Q) Talk/IRC: instant literary con- Direct mind-net versation. Feelings, :-) :-( and connection prototypes. M Credits Connections: llatasha o fil news: 10,000 channels of H email: The classic use for the information, conversation, debate, Cditor Dap Farside Blade PiC: Diana Harrison net. Access using 'Mail', 'elm', chat, people, culture. Try 'rn'. Reporter: Hilary Guru PiC: Liz Caddy 'xmail'. Mail us! sfiles@ic. © mosaic: alias: a www (w^) Z£ ftp: for direct transfer of inti- 'browser'. Surf the net with a user ^Competition mate fluids (data) between com- friendly, point & click interface. : : :: : : : :'iV puters, use protection (anonymous Hot, high bandwidth connectivity! login) or you could catch :: i : } ' : i © www (w^): a sea of com- something nasty. muning computers providing 2£ telnet: reach out and login. information (pictures, moving the first five people to walk into FELIX and scream hysteri- Direct access to remote hosts - cally "Only the 5-H/es can. save usl" Extra marks will be images, sound etc.) russia, oz, usa.

Ill the race to colonise cyber- the world and you wanted to know about heads together. The marketing department space, are we being left, behind? opportunities in, say, the Rock Mechanics needs to be involved, the computer centre Hilary met IC's own net access research group here at Imperial, you could try needs to be involved. I don't see why we freedom-fighter: Dr.) Harrison of phoning or emailing, but you might not. know couldn't get, it, going by the end of term as a Mineral Resource Engineering. the right person to contact. It. would be much college-wide enterprise. Isn't the Internet all just a lot of hype? better to simply rustle up (TloSdlcQQ and start Aren't there a lot of fears that the Internet If we think that we're one of the fore browsing. At the moment, you will cause problems? most technological universities in the If I were the wouldn't, find anything. I don't think we can afford to wait for commit- world, and we don't make full use of RectOf, I'd be What should be done? tees and working parties. 1 favour going ahead state-of-the-art technology, then people , ,1 think one member of each — cautiously — as soon as possible. are going to pass us by. DOnging 0 teW department should take responsi- IIow can the Internet benefit IC? heads together bility for a ^or^ ^'^ "JeuSj page. The Internet is like a shop window. The Unless there's a concerted effort window displays of Harvey Nichols are very then we'll all lose out. We'll be seen as a professional - they recognise the importance of University not in the modern vanguard of being noticed. We have to do the same. computer technology. Can you give an example? Who should take the initiative? If you were finishing your PhD anywhere in If I were the Rector, I'd be banging a few

I40CT94 FELIX MM Freshers' Week Once fresh now stale Freshers' Week is arguably the most entertaining period during the academic year. Now that it is safely out the way, look back with FELIX at the festivities that were.

9 above; the Union stairwell experiences Monday. What with the all-girl the freshers' crush support band, Frantic Spiders, Bands (1) and the photogenic Marijne singing for Salad, someone Yeah there were bands, six in somewhere was doing their best total. Some people got on down, to raise the frustrated hormone above; not the lead singer of Peroxide and others just moshed. The levels of IC's male population to Blondie highlights? Well it. must have been even higher planes. Mission Salad even alter their dodgy start. accomplished! To the right and across the page As for the music, well they the FELIX musos give their recovered from a shaky start to Ceilidh opinions, for what they're worth... carve out some almost, memorable, upbeat indie toons, Quite what this word meant no-one was quite sure until the time came made all the more palatable with to glide onto the floor, partner in hand. There were just enough women the odd keyboard wash and some to go round thanks to the transforming powers of the dramsoc dressing state of the art crooning. And with up box and make-up facilities. Amazing what a couple of 15 stone rugby song titles like 'Elegy in B minor players can be turned into. for the dying swan' can we really criticise? Headed by a crafted lead guitarist blessed with the shy wit of the streets, the Frantic Spiders crashed through tempos, stopping and starting, weaving tunes. When she said "if any of you fancy any of us, you have to talk to the drummer" there were laddish cries from the assembled lads until - "but one of us is married and the other two aren't, that way inclined". One lad shouted back "it doesn't matter to me", but we knew that he was out of it. Haaha, not only were above; Salad's Marijne raises IC's they good they were unavailable. hormone levels. above; civil engineers attempt to model [Salad-Vik] London Bridge opening. [Frantic Spiders - tintin]

ITT FELIX I40CT94 Freshers' week Bands (2)

Friday: It's the end of Freshers' costume changes, but it, was like Week and we're getting watching Santa Clans in his grotto, progressively more stale. So what you knew it wasn't for real... better way to be eased into another They came, they bored, they long night than a bit. of acid jazz. floundered... Sub Sub were bog- Yah, give over. PM Beatside standard dance beats with extra started with the sustain of a percussion - what, an exciting hammond organ and prolonged concept. Bring on a singer and their sound for longer than I have you've got bog-standard dance tried to forget. I mean it's okay to beats, extra percussion and a voice have the swing of the sax and odd over the top. Even more exciting. piece of funking fretwork but. too "There ain't, no love and there ain't: much of anything without a no use..." Well, they got the last, bit, human voice just, end up a- right. At least they had me running whistling into the wind. for the doors I suppose - that's the Tribute bands have always most exercise I've had in years... had an ephemeral appeal and true to form, Peroxide Blondie were [PM Bcatside - tintin] fun to watch for precisely one song [Peroxide Blondic - Vik] (predictably, TIangin' on the [Sub Sub-Vik] Telephone). Okay, so their singer did a passable 'Stars in your Eyes' version of old Debbie and she had some of the more excitable/drunk men going with her numerous

Double Six Club

If your dearest wish is for an excuse to play Mousetrap or Buckaroo then Hypno Show Double Six Club is for you. The founders of the club dress up in smoking jackets which looked like cast offs from an early 70s 'IY show whilst the music, from a band called Corduroy, was best described as easy listening...... On entering the club the punters were shown to a table and given a leather-bound menu describing games from Bisk to Twister. Orders such as "I'll have a quick game of Ker-plunk, for main course I'll have a Jcno for four and, um, I lungry Hippos for dessert" were the sort of thing that you heard while, standing in the club. The whole effect was to say the least, surreal. [JohnJ

1** ' .SJIMBHHHHIMMMM It's said that people won't do anything under hypnosis that goes against their moral values. If this is true Imperial College freshers' are re i na rkably depraved. To those brave enough to go up on stage Geno Washington promised "the second best experience in life". This may have been so but what he didn't say was that they were, to be, held up to ridicule in a particularly infantile way. After a relatively mild introduction in which the victim were, convinced they were pianists, Geno obviously ran out. of above; the Double Six Club go tasteful ideas. This was when the evening got interesting. One. poor soul a-twisting was told that his male, member had been stolen. The. look of mortification on his face, when awakened was priceless. [John] FELIX EM to be held on: Friday, 12:30pm, October 14. Venue: Biology Rooms W2 and W3, Beit Arch. This will elect officers, disCUSS the new Constitution and any motions given to the president beforehand. all welcome Any person wishing to stand for a union post should sign up on the notice board opposite the union office.

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15A HARRINGTON ROAD, SOUTH KENSINGTON, LONDON SW7 3ES feature >Computers FUN!'

Yes, I was broke over the summer and needed to top up my their own computers at home and also to companies who grant for next year. No, I wasn't working in Tescos or fruit- wanted to train employees in system assembly. Eventually I picking in France. I worked for a computer firm over the produced the first fully comprehensive technical manual on summer. So what, you may ask. This, however, was a serious computer assembly. It, is protected by copyright laws and has challenge. I was fortunate enough to take part in the Shell been published by the company. I also tested all the computer lech oology and Enterprise Programme, known as STEP for components in stock and tutored customers in system assembly. short. This programme offers second year and penultimate year All students on the STEP scheme who completed the full undergraduates the opportunity to work on eight-week projects eight, weeks had to write an account of their experience. This for small and medium sized companies. report was presented to a panel of judges and the winner was I was placed with a small electronics company called presented with the Most Enterprising Student award. This was Semiconductor Supplies International Ltd, which supplies organised by the local sponsoring company, which in my case industry and private buyers with electrical and electronic was SIRA Test, and Certification Ltd (who paid half of my components, such as diodes and speakers. Its computer sales salary). department was established in October 1993. Each of the 14 students at the local final gave a The company had a serious problem in that customers fascinating presentation of their placement. To my great buying computer components wanted these assembled for them. surprise I managed to win (don't ask me how), picked up my Because no full-time employee had enough time to learn the cash prize and qualified for the South East and London Regional Final. This I also managed to win (no, I'm not. a spod)! I went on to represent, the South East Region in the National Final. This was an excellent experience: the 14 finalists, representing Scotland, Wales, North England etc., stayed in a top London hotel and 200 people attended the award ceremony, including many company chairpersons (a good time for job contacts). This I did not win, you'll be relieved to know. The competition was very intense, with the winning student having saved his balloon company an estimated £1 million a year. Despite not winning the national competition, my placement was extremely successful. Computer sales and stock increased by 100% --- not bad for a summer's work. In addition, the company offered to employ me for the rest, of my summer holidays, as well as in the future. How did I benefit? Well, I developed many skills needed in industry, notably the abilities to think clearly and quickly, show initiative, take on responsibility, communicate effectively and solve problems efficiently. Many assembly process, this is where 1 came in. The aim of my project of these skills are not developed from academic studies, but was "To build computer systems to customer requirements and from taking positions of responsibility within clubs and societies to write a technical manual on the assembly process". where you can get a feel for organising and co-ordinating. During my placement I had to teach myself how to build I would highly recommend STEP to all second year and computer systems from the company's components and built, a penultimate year undergraduates. This year 1025 students took large number of systems for customers. As I was for the most part, and there will probably be more places next year, so the part unsupervised I continuously needed to show a lot of actual odds of getting onto the scheme are higher than with initiative- and clear thinking. By the end of my placement I could other summer jobs. This is a great chance to get some real work build a system in under 30 minutes, quite an achievement experience under your belt, a good reference and a CV with a bit considering that the first system took me one and a half days. of oomph! Don't miss it. I also had to write a technical manual on the assembly For further information, contact Faisal Haque (Elec. Eng. 3, process. Ibis was distributed to customers who needed to build [email protected] Pakistan Society President)

\mm FELIX WM A STICK ON THE WALL SPECTACULAR

^ OCTOBER NUMBERS n M T V ^^^^ - 11 \ Emergency 4444 - 02 Union Stuff 03 Reception 48060 04 01 Lucy Chothia 58061 05 02 (resit 48061 Dan Look 58062 06 03 01 (rest 48064 - 07 04 02 Ian Parish 58063 _.. 08 05 (residence) 48063 » - ^ ...... - 09 Union Adviser 48067 ' 1 -i - 111 : .. : V: i Ents & Marketing 48068 :: :C/ - ' '^V " Sif. t 10 07 05 , .» ^ilwlii; 11 08 06 On the Campus* j '' '' 12 09 07 Bookstore 58470 *^*9^f'\ '"'"\13 10 08 Union Bar 58090 m i- : 111 Da Vinci's 58090 14 09 * 11 : : 49248 : . - '.>>...5rir.-.-i ill 12 10 Basics 49246 16 13 11 Nc 49591 Sports Centre 48964 1*7 14 12 18 15 13 il 19 16 14 20 Chaplains 17 15 Health Centre 49391 21 18 16 Accomodation 59444 22 19 17 47805/45722 Co ; PERSONAL 23 18 Assistant Registrar 58008 PHONE NUMBERS §:§ 24 19 Porental(s) IT 25 IC Media (money, lifts, washing, etc.) DIALLING CODES 22 20 FELiX 58072 Significant other 26 23 21 (hint: learn it quick!) Hi! Print Unit 58071 Dialling From To Code 27 22 IC Radio 48100 Doctor 24 28 23 STOIC 48104 (malnutrition, alcohol poisoning, ek) .....; South Kensington Silwood Park 51 25 South Kensington Evelyn Gardens 52 29 ICU Cinema 58100 Bestest friend from home.; 26 24 South Kensington SouthSide Halls 53 30 Imaginary friend .;. 25 Silwood Park South Kensington 6 27 CCU Offices 31 26 C&G 48073 Obnoxious but rich friend Southside Halls South Kensington 0 28 Evelyn Gardens (N&S) South Kensington 72 RCS 'Friend' you want to lose (damn, no space for their no.!) 29 27 Evelyn Gardens (N) Evelyn Gardens (W) 71 RSM 48074 Friend with complete collection 28 Evelyn Gardens (W) Evelyn Gardens (N) 71 30 St Mary's 10425196 of lecture notes 29 Friend you- met during Freshers' Week (you'll never meet them ogoin) 30 6«A»Hi£- JtMNALLAtK- BlAJ- JORDAN 31 Union News

President's Report SECOND-HAND BOOKSHOP The Union has been trying to set-up a second-hand bookshop. CONSTITUTION Unfortunately college have been unable to find the necessary space, Over the summer the constitution lias been rewritten to bring it in to line although they have agreed to consider finding space in the future should with the new education act, which was granted Royal Assent on the 21st any become available through new building works or other such enter- July 1994. The revised constitution has been discussed at length with prises. the Union Executive and College Officials. The Clerk to the Governors has agreed to take the revised constitution in its present form to the next If you have any questions on any of the above please come to the U.G.M. College Governing Body meeting. The constitution will dierefore be submitted to this U.G.M. for its first approval. Motion to UGM recommended by the Union Executive. The new constitution is available from the Union Office. Imperial College Union notes: 1. There are a large number of possible "cults" operating in London. ENTERTAINMENTS CHAIR 2. "Cults" target students as an easy method of increasing their num- Due to unforeseen circumstances the Union found itself without an bers. Entertainments chair. The Union Executive Committee met to discuss 3. Imperial College has around 7300 students. this matter, and agreed that our present Events and Marketing 4. "Cult" members are banned from Imperial College for recruitment Managers should take over the post for the first term of the academic purposes. year 1994/95, subject, to ratification at. U.G.M. Imperial College Union believes: UNION BUILDING 1. One recruiting method that could still occur is through posters Over the summer the Union was visited by two architects who are look- advertising events. ing into the feasibility of moving the Union to the Sherfield Building. 2. Students could still be used to place these posters around college. This caused a mild panic around Beit Quad but we have now been assured by the Rector that the Students will be fully consulted before Imperial College Union resolves: any move is planned. 1. To ban all religious posters except those produced, within the Union poster rules, by Union or College Societies. NO SMOKING POLICY College is trying out a no smoking policy in die J.C.R. The Junior Imperial College Union instructs: Common Room in the Shcrfield building will be non-smoking for the 1. The DEPUTY PRESIDENT (Clubs & Societies) or their nominee to first term, after which point the policy will be reviewed. police the Union poster areas and uphold this policy. UGM Agenda Topics

Election of the Chair Q&SCy GET SELECTED KflilHII Minutes of the Last Meeting Matters Arising Deputy President (Finance and Services) Report HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR OUNCES IN THE SELECTION Deputy President (Club and Societies) Report, Presidents Report. PROCESS Motion proposed by the Union Executive Election of other officers Both Esso and the Windsor Fellowship are committed to improving Any other business Date of the next meeting the representation of employees from ethnic backgrounds amongst major UK employers. The two organisations have joined to provide a comprehensive training opportunity for minority students about to embark on the 'milkround'. The course is restricted to students from Overseas Students' science and technical degree disciplines. Committee Elections The course aims:

To All Foreign Students: Come and vote for your Committee, in the to enable candidates to fully convey their skills OSC (Overseas Students' Committee) Elections. and abilities on an application form. On Wednesday 19th of October at 1 pm in Union Concert Hall (2nd to improve their effectiveness within a selection floor Union Building). interview.

Come and stand for the available posts: Vice Chairman, to increase their understanding of, and Honorary Secretary, Junior Treasurer, Events Officer, Publicity performance within, assessment centres. Officer, Welfare Officer, Sports Officer, 2 Ordinary Members. Freshers and Postgrads welcome! Students should contact the Careers Office for an application form and further details. CLOSING DATE: OCTOBER 31,1994.

f FELIX 140™ Clubs o Societies News

Lay Down The Law with ICSF

On Tuesday 18th October, IC played by Peter Weller this time, Science Fiction Society will be though you can hardly tell) joins showing Robocop 3 in die Concert the uprising against OCP, gains a Hall, Union Building at 7pm. surrogate family (well, the crazed Although it doesn't quite match revolutionaries) and goes for a the brilliance of Robocop, it cer- spin in a jet pack. tainly beats the first sequel as Admission is Just £1.50 to IC seems to be the way with film Science Fiction Society members trilogies. (membership being £3 including Packed with big guns, big your first film free plus access to explosions, Arnie style one-liners, our library of over three thousand crazed revolutionaries and clone books and videos) and £2 to non robot ninjas there's something for members. everyone here as Robocop (not Fun and Games with the Ladies? Ladies, ladies! Did you watch the It's all fun and games, I promise. '94 World Cup USA and wish you To find out. more about train- were there!' You can come close ing times, and so on, drop me a by joining The Dribblers, IC note in the Union Office ACC ladies' FC. (Yes, we aspire to win pigeon hole. (Under Maryam Y. the World Cup which Brazil now Yes, that, means under Y!) Also holds. Oops, that's for the profes- keep an eye on the events diary in sionals!) Everyone is welcome to Felix. I look forward to seeing you soon. Exotic: All wrapped up for the icy cold waters of... the Queen's Lawn. J01 will be given. Dribblers 'Hammered' by USA An Underwater Experience Cobham (American Community School) vs. IC Dribblers (11-1) Why learn to dive? Why not, was time you're feeling confident and my thought this time last year as I you just can't wait to get in the The ladies' football team had a new players in a completely new contemplated joining the Imperial water. And what an experience it friendly match against an team! We held out well for fifteen College Underwater Club is. Especially when you see your American School, on Saturday. We minutes or so, but they then got (I.C.U.C.). To be truthful, the first, wreck. had only just signed some people two in. We pulled one back, but thought of going underwater for This year I went on weekend on from the Fresher's Fair. Early then their four times-a-week any period of time longer than 30 dive trips to Swanage/Weymouth, on Saturday morning we set out training paid off and they com- seconds did bring me out into a Liltlehampton, Cover (Wales) and to Cobham and eventually found pletely hammered us in the sec- cold sweat. So why did I join Plymouth. Each dive trip consist- the ground, but we were early as ond half, in the unusual heat. I.C.U.C? Because I had seen pho- ed of leaving as early as possible for some reason the A3 road works However, it. was a great display of tographs of people diving in exotic on Friday and returning late did not hold us up! So, we went effort and will on our behalf. We locations all over the world, and I Sunday evening. Diving takes back up die motorway and had should have a good season ahead wanted to do the same. Also it is place all day Saturday and all day lots of breakfast. Eventually, we of us! Thanks to all those who relatively cheap to learn at college. Sunday. Everyone usually has two started the match. Completely played, even the 'old girls'! Good enough reasons, so in I dives on both days. The first dive, plunged in - literally. probably being a wreck dive and The course consisted of a lec- the second a scenic dive. The FilmSoc: Four Weddings ture every week and a practical evenings consist of food, beer, lesson in the pool every two weeks more beer, and if you really want, (sometimes, if lucky, every week) more beer. and a Funeral for the first two terms. The lec- So, if you have any inclina- The film that emerged from entire female community. The tures covered diving safety, equip- tion to dive, don't hesitate, come obscurity to take the world by male audience will be more than ment, use of decompression along and give it a try. I can guar- storm, arrives at ICU Cinema on content with the elegant charms tables, and different types of div- antee you will have no regrets. Wednesday at 8pm. As well as of Andie MacDowell. The four ing (night diving, wreck diving, The training programme breaking numerous records this happy occasions are split by the drift diving). The pool sessions starts Tuesday, IHlh October, film has also broke a few hearts unfortunate death of one of the begin with snorkelling. It wasn't 6.30pm in W2/W3 just inside Beit along the way. I high Grant's stir- group. However this lighthearted long before we were using an Arch. If you bring your swimming ring performance and naked sex- trip is bound to have you killing aqualung, which to my pleasant gear, you can liy aqualung that ual charisma has been responsible yourself with laughter. surprise worked — yes, you can evening (fi-eef). Any questions, for "wooing", what seems like the breathe underwater. please contact Douglas Donaldson Finally, after all the lectures on ext. 48237 or on email Caving update: For more info, on the IC Caving Club contact Robert Lea and pool sessions, you're ready for [email protected], or Ian Russell via the Elec. Eng. 2nd year pigeon holes or phone 0181 870 0792 (eves). your first open water dive. By this on ext. 47517.

I40CT94 FELIX MM Rape Parking Permits

ALLOCATIONS 1994/5

Alarms The following list of registration numbers of vehicles allocated Union Parking Permits Permits can be collected from Monday 17th October onwards from the Union Office, Ist Floor, Union Building, Beit Quad You must bring with you your Union Card or Swipe Card, proof of address and a medical certificate if necessary A £5 00 deposit wil! be required

PE 5320/GR F124 LP4 H679 JPG are now available at the Union E358 CFX C28 DHT CO 906965 EKX 482Y A272 UYW B498 BGN F83 SMK H46 JTF E566 PEC B501 DGO A618 NTT B627 YKO Office to all Imperial College J462 MCW G68 WBY C723 KJX D680 YHK MUST PRODUCE MEDICAL VWC 90W D596 EHP CERTIFICATE A354 FfLB K368 BWO C404 CYO D771 TWM E885 MHG students. F921 JVU J63 DHM E259 MHM F306 CTX A492 MKK A685 PNS D56 FTHV El 19 TKL F82 RRX B260 UKX F463 RHY C899 PTV GHU 375X PHB 74Y D341 OBM E535 AMR ' A234 XMK A MO 503T : The costs are E740 WGP L76 6YX F388 ATH G640 UNK F712 NPD BTW 939X A3I6 OUM F326 FBU Aerosol Alarms Free F548 LLC B921 YFL MTL 261V F257 PLT electronic Alarms £3.00 RFD 179R If you were not successful in your application, you may appeal agaimst the decision A form will be available from Monday for you to add any additional information that you feel is relevant Please note though that since the majority of permits are now allocated, the number left for appeals is small The appeals committee's decision will be final

City & Guilds College Association Career Networking Reception at the National Liberal Club

Meet past Guilds Students already working in Engineering, the Professions and the City Tuesday lst November

Wine & Refreshments FREE to CGCA Members Student CGCA membership is only £3 More information from the Guilds Office, Level 3, Mech Eng or Room 301, Sherfield Building Incoming OSC Election Plee... An Angry Punter writes... and an Angry Edited this week by Subscriber writes... (and everyone is far too verbose) Owain Bennallack

form of College ID) with you. the doubt on the face of the door- last two rag chairs have been les- OSC Elections It is essential that every foreign man, or the fact that we were four bians". What, are they no longer student comes at least to vote, 1 9/20 year olds who had imbibed lesbians? Were they only gay for Open letter to all International because it's your committee deal- alcohol that made her relent and their time as Rag chair? So the Students, ing with your interests and prob- let us down our drinks before we message obviously is - don't do Now that you've all more or lems and you wouldn't want the were forced to leave. Rag, it'll turn you homosexual. This less settled down, you've listened wrong people to take the decisions And what is the point of all is, however, not true, as there to all the welcoming speeches and for you... this? It was no skin off our collec- have been recorded cases of survived Fresher's Week, it's time tive nose since we ended up hav- unashamed heterosexuality in Rag to get you informed about what Andreas Mershin ing quite a good time at our for many years. the OSC is and what it does to OSC Chair 1994-1995 friend's flat dancing the night away Well then it's on to drugs and keep you happy. OSC or while laying into his collection of how no-one is wistful and enig- "Overseas Students' Committee" Hmmmm, that finished in the nick booze. The point is, if the Union matic, they're just pricks, whereas deals with all the international stu- of time Andreas. Good luck with wants us to cough up pound coins he etc...(?). dents of Imperial College (EC and the elections... and notes to get into the Union, it But he hadn't finished. Just a Occasional students included), it should provide something that's quick blast at people in relation- organises events (Disco Night, worth it. I would gladly have paid ships, which is apparently a fate Cultural and Food Fairs, Confusion a fiver to see the hypnotist, but £3 worse than death. However he International Week, International for board games? implies that if you're not in a rela- Nite and more). For the freshers Dear Felix, A. Poon tionship then people will wonder if and occasional students I shall Let me tell you about what hap- Computing 2 you're gay. Funny that, I would explain that "International Nite" is pened on the night of Wednesday have thought that people would the largest event of Imperial the 5th of this month. A few of my Threats, wanton bachanliasm, fiscal assume you were gay if you were College that occurs in the second friends and I had decided just after confusion, scandal in high places - in a relationship, but just with term and attracts more than a ten o'clock, to see if all the events get back to Private Eye A. Poon, this someone of the same sex. thousand spectators every year. It at the Union had finished yet. We is a boring college paper! Yet now we come across the includes cultural shows and dis- had heard that there would be a real message in this article... beat plays of various countries, food hypnotist, and wrongly thought the system by going out with fairs, disco, live bands and more that once he had gone, entry Glyph is Sad? someone from the outside world. fun than you could possibly imag- would be free. However, on enter- Not a Star Trek fan, an overseas ine. ing the archway, our esteemed Dear Owain, student, rugby player, beer Apart from organising events President informed us that we Quite an impressive start to the drinker, Raggie (they're all gay), or the OSC also takes active part in could only stand in the Quad, if we year, issue 1006 had news, fea- "drugs prick". Hey, but what does all Union decisions, protects and didn't pay £3 to get into the Union tures and only 7 pages of ads, and that leave you with, why, yes of promotes the interests of interna- proper. Having more sense than a what an interesting piece by course, Glyph, the man who put tional students in the College and stunned lemming, we decided that, Glyph. Still I guess that many peo- pen to paper in such a wonderful finances the running of all the indi- while an hour and a half of board ple didn't get past the first column caring way. But it looks like the vidual national societies. games would be amusing, we did of his diatribe and so didn't endure page long lonely hearts ad has Naturally, all this takes a lot of not want to pay £3 for the privi- the continued rantings of this twist- failed as he forgot to put a tele- work, and many more people than lege. And so she grudgingly let us ed soul. phone or box number at the bot- just the members of the executive stay in the Quad while muttering Well I read the whole page, I tom of the page. So all the inno- committee take part voluntarily. that we should "Get a life". read it twice in fact, the reason cent freshers who were so impressed by his literary talents However, due to unforeseen So, while a friend already there being initially I had no idea what are going to have to settle for a circumstances during the elections got drinks from inside the Union, the piece was about, but gradually beer drinking, rugby playing last term, the executive committee we sat outside drinking, not taking it dawned on me. First he slagged Raggie, or similar. I don't know has not been formed in full, there- part in the disco (which, at the off the "anorak brigade", whatever why the article was titled "The fore there will be new elections on time, had all the life of a dead that is, then he touched lightly on Docker's Fist", but I'm sure Glyph Wednesday 1 9th October in the sloth on Valium), or the board- overseas students before descend- will get to know his fists quite well Union Concert Hall (2nd floor games. And this seemed as rea- ing upon rugby players and such as they become his only friends, Union Building) at 1 pm for the sonable to us as the ICU people at like. Not only did he try to put after all he is an IC male and obvi- posts that have been left empty. the doors of the Union to whom down the beer drinking males of ously really quite dull. Anyone can stand, fresher to post- we were in full view. But, in an act IC, he also had a go at the women graduate, as long as he or she has of incoherence brought on, we too, which apparently are fat, Thanks, one proposer and five seconders. speculate, because it was her bearded and bigoted, yet it would The name of the candidate, the 'Time Of The Month', she declared appear that the author is perhaps Helen Teasdale post, as well as the names of the us a security risk and ordered us more bigoted than his subjects. Mathematics 3 proposer and seconders should be removed from the Quad. Which This is backed up by his next written on the candidate papers was strange, since when we got to attack, this time on Rag. No origi- The feedback has been pretty fair that have been put up in the the archway, the doorman seemed nality here either, as he, like on this article: we've had some say- Walkway and the Union building. to think that it was perfectly within everyone before him who chose to ing how good it is and a few The papers will come down on the rules for people to stand in the put down Rag covered his back by loathing it to pieces. I have to play Tuesday 18th at 2pm. Each pro- Quad of their Union. But our all saying that "collecting money for Mr Democrat, but thanks Helen for poser will have the right to speak knowing President stated otherwise charity is a reasonable past time", a reasonably coherent response for three minutes and each candi- and ordered our drinks be confis- well this is exactly what Rag does rather than a "you printed that date will be able to give a short cated and that we be kicked out. so his argument seems a little con- scum?!?!" My line is going to be speech for five minutes. In order to To this day, we still do not know fusing. However, a little further lies 'free speech' in all these issues... vote or stand, you have to have whether it was the kindness in her the real reason for his comments your swipe card (or some other heart, her generous personality, on Rag as he mentions that "the

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Frater liam the fact that those who choose to Those who whine about 'giving up' as it is appropriately inhale nicotine have ignored the addiction are equally misguided. dubbed, is not necessarily a good Writes petty signs and continue to follow Addiction is the fairest of delights, thing. Don Juan warned Castaneda their will. Smoking may be haz- without which life would collapse that abstention is merely self indul- ardous, but only an imbecile could into the most deadening banality. gence- That is a statement that deny its benefits. Nicotine, that The Frater's own life consists mere- should be contemplated for some curer of colonic cancer, that ly of a loose-knotted string of time. expander of mental capacity, that obsessive needs, the highest of The more astute among my bringer of pleasure, is a chemical which is the glorious correspon- readers may have noted the subtle which brings aid to an enlightened dence with the Guardian A. For alteration in my title. The unfortu- many and only afflicts those of those who wish to avoid the 1000 nate typo of the previous week mean intolerance. "Smoking is an pollutants that accompany their cunningly shifted its cabalistic sig- art form", once saith 'Random', an nicotine fix, I would heartily recom- nificance. Such mysterious changes occasional associate of mine. He mend patches, nasal sprays or could be avoided by instilling com- glorified it as an aspect of the aubergines, which contain a suffi- puters with a sense of the sculpture that was his life, and its cient concentration of the intoxin. Qabalah: an idea suggested to me It would seem that the anal reten- dangers were merely an inherent The Frater himself is under- by a mathematical genius with tives have again put their foot part of that aestheticism. Oft would going a period of ritual preparative whom I had the fortune to be down in an attempt to remove the he curl the delicate tube of a ciga- asceticism, for which he had been acquainted. He suggested that it fumigating minions from the JCR. rette around his fingers to show me obliged to deny his need for the may also be a route to achieving Your Frater observes with pleasure its beauty. cigarette. But such abstention, or A.I.

Elimination Answers Street; I) Grange Hill; m) Mansion a) Caledonian road; b) Seven House; n) Holland Park; o) Mile POLITICAL Why are these engineers Sisters; c)Boston, Ruislip; d) End; p) Warren, Cannon; q) Swiss well behaved? Why are they acad- Parson's Green; e) London Cottage; r) Brent Cross; s) Oxford, SCIENCE emic genuises and intellectual Bridge; f) Wood, Bounds; gj West Picadilly; t) Covent Garden Ham; h) Chalk Farm; i) Elm buffoons? The main reason, I Moor; j) Gospel Oak; k) Bond Winning word: Euston My thesis is very simple: Imperial think, is the way in which the engi- produces 'well behaved engineers'. neers are taught. The engineer Let me explain the vocabulary first. works with 'nice' theories. Theories 'Well behaved', is an adjective that which have premises, conclusions, indicates a particular attitude to reasons, answers, connections, working on a process. A well measurements. (This is the scien- behaved engineer works on a tific culture that Kuhn talks about.) Procter&Gamble process, going from start to finish, There are two points to make without thinking about the wider about such a training. Firstly, the Career consequences of the process. student is not taught about science Opportuni -ties I suppose the meaning of in some context at all. 'Humanities' being well behaved comes from courses are a rarity. Courses cover- Experience the difference between the words ing the philosophy and history of 'academic' and 'intellectual', which science should be compulsory first are not equivalent. More specifical- year ones, not added on as an after thought. 2 Routes to gain Blue Chip ly, well behaved engineers are not Training in Technical aware of what science does to Secondly the student has be society. The ability of science to been trained, brain washed even, Management alter the structure of society within to work with objects that fit into a 50-100 years is awesome: robots scientific schema. To be made have replaced entire communities aware of any bad effects of the Final Year Students of work forces; the car has altered entire structure would cause him to 3 Day Residential Management Course, in the way Western society thinks and question his very existence! The UK, December 19, 20 & 21st 1994 functions; contraceptives have way out of this dilemma is to given women a large degree of ignore anything that lies outside freedom. And yet the graduate the schema. Penultimate Year Students who comes out from Imperial is not Of course, being well 10 week Vacation Work & Training, in aware of these issues. He does not behaved suits the market: Industry know what sociological effect his 2 Europe (Surrey, Newcastle, Brussels, Rome, requires well behaved engineers; Frankfurt, Paris) in July, August 1995. science has. Whether this igno- Imperial produces them. Imperial rance comes from not being requires funds; Industry produces taught, or whether it is because the them. But such a link, an implicit Application forms on Chem, Biochem & engineer is deliberately ignoring link, would serve all parties Chem Eng Notice Boards and at the the other, 'wider' issues is another involved: Imperial gets finance and Careers Office. question. Imperial College's prod- students; Industry gets products Closing Date 26th October 1994 ucts, its graduates, are enamoured and labour; graduates get jobs. with the idea of technology. They Everyone wins? are rigid in the belief of science as an end in itself. Samin.

FELIX Standby

THE menu american myths awake This week, Bijoy Kar, a third year maths undergraduate with a penchant for Simple Minds reviews the singles and he does Grant Lee Buffalo are either a Californian trio with rare integrity or yet not mince words... another bunch of Americans who are over-hyped and over here. Listen to their new album, 'Mighty Joe Moon', and you should be nodding in the

Vik lays back and catches some 7777s live with Dinosaur Jr former direction, but only just. and then glances over the new Grant Lee Buffalo album After using no less than twenty instruments things were never going whilst tintin gets to wash his ears out listening to Liz Phair. to be easy and yet they manage to fuse blues, folk, country and rock influences into something gentle but exciting. The laid back guitar groove Fiona takes to the dance floor as she checks out the latest club of opener 'Lone Star Song' leads into the undulating, cello-embellished fashions and strangely finds a cord revival. Errrkkk!!! strains of 'Mockingbirds', and sees Grant Lee Phillips trading his baritone croon for a falsetto. Elsewhere, 'Lady Godiva and Me' features a mid- Mike goes after big game as Disney revisit the jungle in the section guitar riff that uncannily sounds like it belongs on a Cult album company of the Lion King, whilst Magpie choses which way to (honest) while Phillips could be Eddie Vedder on 'Happiness', not least jump as he flies down to spy on Threesome. with his lament of "happiness, it's hard to come by..." Despite the general morose feel, however, the Buffalo have once In a combined doubled headed attack, Marcus Alexander and again managed to distil the best idiosyncratic American elements to Plinthos explore the outbreak of German Romanticism, or create something that is, well, heart-warming. (7) 'Deutsche Romantik', on the South Bank.

0)i*o^tion:^ome bad bits I

(left) biff";. 1 Guv'ner - curry favour ep Guv'ner know [b]; this is dire. The highs fail to what he thinks create the highs and the lows fail about them. As we all disjointed. The second track know sounds like a warm-up session doesn't mince and the drumming is atrocious. I his words...... fid. vik wanting to give this any time at adds" the odd all but it's fine as pub closing time gem too music [v]; a tripie victory. Not con. Oasis - cigarettes and alcohol with having the worst band name: With her last album 'Exile from Guyville', Liz Phair broke ranks to [bijoy] (laughing as the three- and worst ep title of ail time, become a feminine icon. Oh yeah. Anyone who believe that needs to chord guitar intro breaks in); it they've also managed to create grow up and stop trying to grid axes with their genitalia. It's a dangerous sounds like Status Quo. (On the most excruciatingly paii- game they might 'bobbitt' themselves. Just because Liz sings about f****g hearing liam's cries of, "I was amateurish excuse for music, to a lot, it doesn't mean she's into role reversal. Actually she appears to looking for some acshowwwn"); ever disgrace our ears. The stereo quite like men and to that extent her new album, 'Whip-Smart' is no It's Johnny Rotten singing Status will never be the same again. different to 'Exile'. Yeah she swears a lot - (as the accompanying press Quo! It's trying to take you back release suggests,'"93% of music reviewers will quote the line..." which I to the '60s somehow but it's fine Cardinal - dream figure won't quote as it is just a form of obscene hype) - but it's all a form of as pub music. [bj; there's a lot of depressive devotion from a mixed up girl with a long chain of events behind her. stuff this week. It's very mellow More importantly in between all the cussing she actually tells us why Sugar - believe what you're saying .-. .:ep quite she loves her man, what she'll do with her son when he grows up, the [b]; it sounds like the singer's got easily. It's okay but it's not hard to strains of domestic li(o)ves and more. In 'nashville' when she refrains, "I a cold. I don't really like it - it's follow that last single... won't decorate my love", we get to hear the root of her music. The point depressive's music... [v], understatement of the year. is that it's not nasty so much as merely heart felt. [vik]; I don't believe what you're When Liz Phair tells you to 'watch your language' you'll know that it's saying! This is prime-time, wistful Plastikman - plastique because you're lying, not because you're necessarily being offensive. (8) pop. [b]; I don't know what to say. It's J Mascis of Dinosaur Junior, has always sounded and looked like he just stupidly repetitive. wanted to be somewhere else. I'd like to know what roused the man who Shady - narcotic candy [v]; basically minutes of electronic; put the 'lack' in slacker because tonight at Brixton Academy, he looked [b]; the build-up is excessive and bleeps. I hear enough of like he was enjoying himself. Dinosaur Jr: grunge? sloth rock? Try full- I'm completely lost as to what every time I switch on my force, power metal trio. I should have known, what with Ozzy Osbourne they're trying to do. It sounds like computer playing on the speakers beforehand and Ted Nugent afterwards, but I'd it's been recorded on half-speed. never seen the man strangling this many beautifully obscene sounds out (As the sound of running water Reverberation - sou/in' of a guitar before, at least not with a smile on his face. Maybe it was the enters the fray); the kitchen sink [b]; the slide guitars make it a smug satisfaction of fooling everyone by throwing in that 1988 gem has literally been thrown in! classic Texas intro. An interesting 'Freak Scene' right at the start. Maybe it was bassist Mike Johnson, who [v]; a monotonous collection of mixture of styles, though... added the humour element to proceedings by looking like an extra from sounds that is tedious in the [v]; 'interesting' is always a good The Addams Family. Or maybe Mascis was just revelling in shocking everyone with the band's brutal and un-vinyl like heaviosity. Whatever it extreme. adjective to describe something that leaves you feeling nothing was, it was worth it because we got two (yes, count 'em - two!) encores but apathy. O ending in a five-minute thrashy workout. Joy of joys. I'm still in shock. ©

MM FELIX I40CT94 Standby

^ club's cords explosion kultur und geist

So it's 10pm. You open your had escaped your attention, turn The musical component of the South Bank Centre's 'German wardrobe door and survey the ups are out. Top stylist of freshers' Romanticism' festival began with a program of Beethoven, Wagner and chaos inside. Freshers' week found week goes to Paul of Southwell hall Henze played by the London Philharmonic under Franz WelsenMost. no talent, pheromones are running for one wonderful coat, Beethoven's 5th Symphony (1808) was a ground-breaking work in high and it's time to take to the Women, for background Romanticism, performed here with terseness and precision. clubs. The London club scene can blenders, replace the MUCH Wagner's Wesendonk Lieder (1858) were composed in the same be fairly described as the most overrated babydoll dress with the period as Tristan und Isolde and their music reminds us of the terrific diverse and interesting fashion far more stylish shift and thigh high emotional and sensual force of that opera; another key work in the show of the country. Encouraging socks. Skirts are short and A-line, history of Romanticism. But Wagner was also one of those who killed individuality, here to be outrageous trousers narrow, worn with silver Romanticism in the dark, morally corrupt events of The Ring of the is to be acceptable. shoes or patent stilettoes (£39.99 Nibelung. Thus the lyrical, heroic, pure spirit of Romanticism was stifled. For men, long shirts hanging Shelleys). It is, after all, the season Although its influence has survived in Germany and many 20th century loose are fast becoming a necessity, to shine: from sequins, beading, composers have acknowledged an inspiration in the Romantic music of and are worn with closely fitted and satin to pvc. With jewellery at a the 1 9th century, including Henze himself. A fact which may surprise the jeans and laced boots (eg. German minimum let the materials do the listener, since Germany has been particularly associated with the most Para style). Dressed up for the eye catching. Mohair is big this extreme varieties of atonal, serialist composition. weekend, exchange the jeans for season, but the net result in a club Henze's Heliogabalus Imperator (1972) is a solid, well-written piece narrow legged trousers worn short is excessive amounts of sweat and typical of its period. It was a challenge to the audience to find the to show off the boots and add a "the fluff gets everywhere even your connections between its sound world and that of Beethoven's - I don't waistcoat or tanktop, keeping cuffs mouth". Instead, top it off, if you think I managed that. Still it is good that the festival planners were not loose and hair SHORT. Along with dare, with Chanel's neon fluffy afraid to mix old and new like this; they could easily have chosen to keep women think pinstripe or, for the bomber jacket (ie. grab a tenner the crowds happy with a serving of solid 19th century repertoire. exhibitionists, tartan. Backward and nip up Portobello). Finally, for glances in style and the current absolute extremists, this season's trend in fabric contrasting has made fashion essentials are Vivienne cords a desirable commodity, but Westwood's tartan bum pads at just they may be too warm for any but a a few hundred pounds a pair, wallflower. Incidentally, in case it Glamour is back. ©

rulers and triangles

The Lion King is a stirring tale of complaining? Alright, so it isn't as betrayal, murder, teenage angst, good as Aladdin. Alright, it's redemption and warthog flatulence, formulaic and heartwarming. But I The mighty, wise and rib-shakingly loved it. deep voiced lion king Mufasa As for Threesome, it's a bit of spends bis time teaching his son a college recipe; take two men and and heir, Simba, sound ecological a woman, stick them in a room for values, ruling majestically and a term, add some hormones and generally beating the crap out of see what happens. Alex is in a bit of The visual delight of the Deutsche Romantik festival is at the the pride's enemies. However a sticky situation. She has been Hayward Gallery, which is showing over 300 works of art embodying the Mufasa's evil brother. Scar, plots assigned to a coed dormitory, romantic, themes. Romanticism can be seen as the artist's expression of with his hyena henchthings to do rooming with Eddy and Stuart as the highest values, the search for the spiritual ideals within naturalness away with both Mufasa and Simba, she was thought, because of her and nature. It is a contemplation of that which celebrates God and the so he can be king. He lures Simba name, to be a bloke. Unable to pinnacles of human achievement. Artists of this tradition saw themselves into the path of a wildebeest move to dormitories she has no as loners, individual anti-heroes who would struggle against the frailties stampede, kills Mufasa when he choice but to stay put. of mankind in their attempt to portray the purest of ideas and emotions comes to the rescue and then Slowly the living arrangements within natural forms. The early paintings are typically representational with many landscapes, seascapes and skyscapes. Friedrich provides convinces Simba that he was become chaotic, as Alex's living typical examples of these, his scapes often viewed by contemplative responsible. Simba goes into exile standards collide with the guys' figures. Allegorical themes abound, with gods and daemons dancing over and grows up with a odious uncaring attitude to the state of the sleeping maidens. The leering, skullbone face of Death lurks in many of warthog and a meercat with a shared kitchen and bathroom. She these works, gloating over the inevitability of the artist's end. Around the Brooklyn accent. becomes annoyed with Stuart turn of the century the shift is quite disconcerting, descending a floor in How could it fail? Its storylines eating the yogurt intended for her the gallery to find that representation has suddenly been abandoned. This have been tested in just about every face mask as well as the usual male part of the exhibition takes you on a whirlwind tour through modernism, other block-buggering film you've living habits like not flushing the expressionism and abstraction, with a stark climax at the end in Joseph ever seen (even going as far as ex- toilet. Yet as term progresses all Beuys' huge assortment of concrete blocks, appropriately titled 'The end of Darth Vader James Earl Jones, as three become good friends, well the twentieth century'. Mufasa, delivering a virtual copy of really it's more like a love triangle, the "but Luke, you're my son" Stuart lusts after Alex, Alex desires The most extreme expression of the Romantic ideals came with speech three quarters of the way Eddy but Eddy is ambivalent about Nazism, and a few paintings from this time are shown, although some through.) The cast contains such his sexuality. have argued that a more extensive portrayal of Hitler's time was names as Jeremy Irons, Rowan The film has its funny moments necessary, as he was perhaps the greatest of all Romantic idealists. Atkinson and Whoopi Goldberg, and is a comic look at Despite this, the exhibition provides an unparalleled insight into this area The jokes are hysterically funny. The college/university life. If you see it of German Art, and for those who are prepared to slog throuu a ; sad bits are as blubbable as you'll though, take a partner or two, as , iiri.-jiv i :dl'- - :,u;:':r.: - ., . - . ii p.. i get in a kids' film. Who's the film advertises.© The festival continues until 24th November at the South Bank Centre, tel; 0171 928 8800.

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Soup Run 8.45pm over 300 from one original - 3.5p per copy Weeks Hall share in Earls Court, fully furnished, 2 bedrooms, lounge, cable TV, £236.76 per month. Contact J.Slaughter, Civ Eng pigeon holes STOIC Schedule week ending 21/10/92 What's the big idea then? A bit like the Big Breakfast, but in the afternoon, STOIC'S regular show-type show is filmed twice a week. Hibiscus Evening A recording of an informative and highly enter- taining production by the Malayan Society, screened in two parts. Simon Says filmed last year, featuring an interview with Frank Bruno, where he gives his views on everything from pantomime to sex. As Seen On T.V. Award winning short drama about what happens The Lion King Threesome Philadelphia Shadowlands Forrest Gump Dazed and Confused Angie Monday if you watch too much television. Chelsea Cinema ICU Cinema MGM Chelsea MGM Fulham Road ICU Cinema Prince Charles UCI Whiteleys Live football on SKY TV History Of Computing. So you were wondering what to do for your tube; Sloane Square Union Building CINEMA tube; Sloane Square tube; South Ken Union Building tube; Piccadilly, Leicester tube; Bayswater Tuesday Elec Eng project??? 077 357 3742 077 594 8098, x48098 077 352 5096 071 370 2636 077 594 8098, x48098 Square 077 792 3303 Hallucination Generation doors; 2.10, 4.20, 6.35, doors: 7.45pm Japan Documentary. Filmed at the Science Museum, featuring the doors: 12.50,3.00,5.00 doors: 1.40,4.10,7.20 doors: 7.45pm 077 4378787 doors; 12.40, 3.25, 6.10 Wednesday 8.50 tickets: £2 or £1 for latest in robotics. 7.25,9.30 9.40 tickets: £2 or £1 for doors: 6.15 tickets; £5.75, £3.50 Sex Cocktails in the tickets; £6, 1st pert £4 film/ents card holders student tickets: £3.50 student tickets: £3.50 film/ents card holders tickets; £1.99 before 3pm Gallery Monday Wednesday Friday Thursday 11:00 What's the big idea11:0 0 What's the big idea 11:00 What's the big idea Comedy on 4 then? then? then? Friday Kitchens of Distinction Rwanda Benefit Godflesh The Cranberries The Tansads Spin Doctors These Animal Men 11:30 Tim Brooke-Taylor 11:30 History Of Computing 11:30 Tim Brooke-Taylor Lost in Music interview + Drugstore Concert: + Energy Orchard + Cud + 60 Ft. Dolls 11:35 Japan Documentary Interview 12:05 Elec Eng Revue Fund-a-mental LA2 Shepherds Bush Empire + Four Men & A Dog 11:55 Hibiscus Evening Ft 1 11:55 Japan Documentary IA2 + Jamiroquai tube; Tottenham Ct. Rd. tube, Shepherds Bush + The Dear Janes Hammersmith Apollo LA2 12:50 As Seen On T.V. 12:25 Simon Says MUSIC tube, Tottenham Ct. Rd. + Gil-Scott Heron 077 434 0403/4 08 7 740 7474 tube; Hammersmith tube, Tottenham Ct Rd. Thursday 12:50 As Seen On T.V. 077 434 0403/4 doors; 7pm doors; 7.30pm The Forum 077 4 76 6080 077 434 0403/4 Tuesday 11:00 What's the big idea All STOIC programmes are doors; 7pm Brixton Academy tickets; £6.50 tickets; £11 tube; Kentish Town doors; 7.30pm doors; 7pm 11:00 What's the big ideathen? shown between 11am and tickets; £7 tube; Brixton 077 284 2200 tickets; £12.50 tickets; £6 ELSEWHERE then? 11:30 to 1:00 Bands from 077 924 9999 doors; 7.30pm Embalming 11:30 History Of Computing the union 1pm, and again between 6 tickets; £16.50 tickets; £7 Wednesday 12th 11:35 Hibiscus Evening Ft 2 and 8pm A lecture by David Pescod 12:35 Simon Says covering various embalm- National Gallery V&A Crafts Council At other times of the day, STOIC will show the One O'clock News, Neighbours, National Youth Dance The Glory of Venice Deutsche Romantik Courtauld Institute ing techniques, from the Company (1700-1800) 17th century to the pre- Star Trek : TNG and Mtv. You can watch STOIC in the JCR, Da Vincis, and Beit, Hayward Gallery, South Impressionists and post- Making and meaning: the Kalighat: popular Indian 2010-textiles and new sent day. Princes Gardens halls of residence. Bank Centre impressionists paintings young Michelangelo paintings 1800-1930 technology The Place Theatre Royal Academy Burlington House, tube; Embankment or Somerset House, Strand Trafalgar Square Cromwell Rd 44a Pentonville Rd If you are interested in reviewing films, CDs, videos, events etc. (free), or indeed ARTS tube; Euston tube; Piccadilly Piccadilly, Wl, 077 873 2526 tube; Charing Cross tube; South Kensington tube; Angel doors; 8pm 077 396 4600 Waterloo 087 969 0152 anything else remotely related to television (cooking, potholing, soldering...), come up £6, £4 cone 10am-6pm 077 928 8800 tube; Holborn 077 839 3327 077 938 8500 077 278 7700 tube; Green Park, and see us on the top floor of the union building (no experience necessary). 10am-6pm (8pm Tu/Wed) Mon-Sat 10am-6pm Mon-Sat 10am-6pm Tue-Sat 10am-5.50pm Tue-Sat 1 lam-6pm £4.50 cones Piccadilly. 6.45pm. £2 (until 14th Dec) £6, £4 cones Sun 2-6pm Sun 2-6pm Mon 12-5.50pm (until Nov 13) (until 8th Jan) tickets; £3 free, (starts Oct 19) Coming Soon On STOIC: RED HOT STOIC 3

FELIX is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board. It is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince 022 FELIX I40CT91 FELIX Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel: 0171 594 8072, Fax: 0171 589 4942). Editor: Owain Bennallack. Copyright FELIX 1994. ISSN 1040-0711 BANKING WITH B.A.RCrL.ASrS

Student Banking at Imperial College

HOW YOUR STUDENT BUSINESS OFFICER CAN HELP YOU

Most students start each term with a reasonable amount of money. But by the time accommodation and food are paid for, books are bought, trips taken home and a bit of social life lived, your income can quickly disappear.

This is where your Student Business Officers Jane Custons-Reynolds and Linda Siriyatorn at the South Kensington branch of Barclays come in. Jane and Linda are specially trained to help untangle students' financial problems. From the moment you open a current account with Barclays, Jane and Linda will be available to discuss any of those tricky problems that you are likely to face as a new student and they can fully sympathise with the kind of problems that you are likely to come up against.

They'll understand the urgent need for an expensive text book. And they know that when financial problems mount up, you'll need to talk them over with someone.

So come to the South Kensington branch of Barclays and meet them. You don't have to make an appointment, and they'll always be willing to listen.