Clubs and Societies Arts page page 34 24 ArtsFest

page 6 Expedition Malawi

Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year

 e student newspaper of Imperial College

No. 1,374 • Friday • 23 February 2007 • ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk Blaze at Albert IC Library Hall Mansions to remain EMERSON VIGOUREUX an inferno Westminster Council reject planned ‘solar shading’ changes

Andy Sykes number of changes to improve the Westminster Council rejected Editor-in-chief poor ventilation in the building. the planning application outright, These include extra vents and mo- meaning none of the works can go Planned refurbishments to the Li- torised windows to provide fresh, ahead. It seems the main objection brary have been blocked by West- cooler air into the building. to the plans was a dissatisfaction minster Council, meaning students These were to complement the with the change of appearance that will have to suffer another summer planned “solar shading”, which would be caused by the solar chang- of roasting temperatures in the up- would be achieved by dimming the es. This is somewhat odd, as the Li- per floors. Library’s windows. This should brary is almost completely invisible The College had to submit a plan- complement the otherwise poor from the outside of the campus, so ning application to the Council for air conditioning and the extra any change should have minimal the changes it wished to make to ventilation to reduce the ambient impact on the surrounding area. the building. The plans included a temperature. Temperatures in the Library have been a problem for the last four years; it seems the air condi- tioning system cannot cope with the large number of students and high air temperatures around the summer revision period. The large windows in the upper levels also create a “greenhouse-like” effect that makes the Library unpleasant on sunny days. The planning application is due to be resubmitted without the solar shading proposal, but it is highly unlikely the other planned improv- ments will prove sufficient to solve the Library’s overheating problem. The rejection should only slightly delay these other changes. The College and Union are look- ing for support from local residents for the shading, and are contacting the councillors known to be friendly to the College. At 10.30am on Tuesday morning, smoke was spotted coming from If you live in the borough, Felix the top of the Albert Hall Mansions building (to the east of Beit advises you to write to your local Quad). An hour later, more than 25 fire engines and assorted councillors (you can find their de- support vehicles were at the scene. The fire blazed until late tails on www.westminster.gov.uk) to evening, and Prince Consort Road was closed until the next day. No respite for overheated students this summer express your disapproval. 2 felix Friday 23 February 2007

NEWS [email protected]

Waterstones Albert Hall Mansions blaze in Library Fire in the roof of the Mansions building covers South Kensington in thick smoke and closes down access to the Union by road for the whole of Tuesday closes forever The Waterstones in the Library has Greg Meade closed for good, with low sales be- Our Man on the Roof ing cited as the reason. The College outlet has competed Traffic was brought to a halt around with the store on High Street Ken- the Royal Albert Hall and Prince sington, which is only ten minutes Consort Road on Tuesday when a walk away, and has a much larger fire broke out in the upper floors of stock. the Albert Hall Mansions building. There have also been complaints The building has often housed that the College branch is more students from the College, though expensive than the Kensington they generally rent the cheaper branch, even for the core business flats in the basement level. of textbooks for IC students. At around 10.30am, smoke was The strength of Amazon’s UK on- seen around the upper floors of line bookselling business has also the building. Members of Imperial hurt sales, with many books being College Security were first on the out of stock at the College branch scene, and the Fire Brigade ar- and orders often taking more than rived shortly afterwards. Within an two weeks to complete. Amazon hour, more than 30 appliances had has a much larger range, and has arrived, and the road outside the many more textbooks in stock. building had been closed. The vacated space is now planned According to the BBC and other to become a 24-hour “supercafe”, in news sources, the fire started in a order to complement the 24-hour penthouse flat. Some sources are opening of the Library throughout reporting that it is owned “by a Mid- much of the year. The Library is dle-Eastern businessman.” generally open far later than other The flames were first spotted by buildings on campus, and those builders working on scaffolding on working there at night lack a place an adjacent roof, who had to scram- to buy coffee or snacks (apart from a ble quickly to the ground after a trio of unreliable vending machines window exploded and smoke began in the Haldane Collection section of pouring out. A maid who was in the the building). building at the time was rescued by firefighters from the upstairs windows. By lunchtime the fire had spread into the roof and into the floor be- low. Firefighters could be seen in the third floor windows attempting to spray water onto the fire. The Fire Brigade have said that part of the roof had collapsed, and there were concerns over ceilings in the lower flats collapsing due the amount of water being poured onto them from the roof. Thin and suf- focating smoke spread across the road into Hyde Park, blanketing the Top: Fire engines line the road. Bottom: smoke from the fire spreads out across West London surrounding area with a unpleas- ant-smelling fog. The builders also had the fore- ing more canisters later in the day. The building also houses a number bar at 10.30pm, a large number of sight to remove gas canisters from Mutters of evacuation were heard of fine artworks, and salvage opera- appliances were still in attendence. the immediate scene of the fire, coming from Fire Brigade radios as tions were in progress until late in It is not yet known what caused and firemen could be seen remov- the fire continued unabated. the day. When this reporter left the the fire. The now closed bookstore felix 1,374 Friday 23.02.07

No sneezing! Halo 2 masterclass “H5N1 is a highly pathogenic strain, “Halo 2 is indeed the ultimate and according to the World Health multiplayer game in my opinion... Organisation (WHO), may claim up pitchfork-wielders and CS zealots to 100% of contaminated animals take note.” within 48 hours, affecting respira- PAGE 30 tory tracts, organs and tissue.” PAGE 4 Malawi expedition “When travelling north, the team’s Brit Awards progress was halted by a drunk “Russell Brand meandered onto man who ran out in front of their the podium as the crowd burst truck. The team assisted where into cheers, many of them reveling they could but sadly the casualty at the fact that they were on tel- died that night from his injuries.” evision. I fortunately escaped this PAGE 34 fate by not being famous enough. Darn.” Unsporting behaviour PAGE 18 “Middlesex were very fowl- mouthed and swore at the ref The life at night Cake and Edwardians a number of times – apparently “I might think twice before attend- “Our students were out in force nearly every player they had on the ing the next Tidy event in April. It promoting their Centenary events pitch was a qualified ref and ‘they wasn’t the best” to every member of the College” know all the rules’.” PAGE 22 PAGE 26 PAGE 38 Friday 23 February 2007 felix 3

NEWS [email protected] RSM fight to save Sabb hustings favourite cafe descend into complete farce Free alcohol mixes with joke candidates to produce a farce

A. Hack tween lectures and labs. They have by heckling, and it quickly became Our Man with a Pint also been held in Da Vinci’s bar, clear that the only way to get the but these have proved even more crowd’s appreciation was to an- Felix wishes to apologise for ever irritating to the average student, swer every question in the most suggesting that this year’s sabbati- many of whom are merely there for stupid fashion possible. The crowd cal elections could be anything but a pint and don’t wish to be yelled at (who were mostly drunk on the Claude’s Cafe in the Royal School of Mines building a farce (or at least, the hustings). by a candidate with a microphone. free drink provided) jeered at any The first hustings took place on Hustings at the Reynold’s Bar at candidate that dared to give a seri- Monday evening after Union Coun- Charing Cross Hospital have seen ous answer. John Collins did little The RSM Union has launched a catering outlet, along with typical cil, the idea being that candidates attendences of precisely zero, and to keep control of the proceedings, campaign to save their building cafe overpriced College food and drink. would face a “Question Time” grill- were in fact cancelled this year for and has been accused by some of from otherwise certain closure. Residents of the buildign are un- ing courtesy of the hacks present. that very reason. being drunk; he told Felix he wasn’t Claud’s Cafe, as it is known, is derstandbly upset at the loss of 35p Free food and drink (alcoholic and Adopting a more informal ap- drunk, but was merely “tipsy”. privately run, and is situated in the tea, something almost unknown on otherwise) were provided in order proach was supposed to provide a One candidate, Felix Sinclair Royal School of Mines building. It campus. to lure the “average” student in. more entertaining hustings. John (standing for Felix Editor), used his has grown to be loved by staff and A petition was launched by the The hope was that this would enli- Collins, the Returning Officer, al- minute-long allowance for a speech students within the building due to RSM President, Seb Turner, and ven hustings, which are normally a lowed questions from the floor, and to attempt to breakdance (poorly), its low prices (far lower than the has already collected more than 450 rather pedestrian affair. even permitted a great deal of the and threw insults at the other can- mostly overpriced College catering) signatures, just shy of the 500 Mr Hustings have in the past been less serious questions. didates. Another candidate, Diogo and friendly, individual service. Turner wants to be able to present held in the JCR at lunchtime, which However, in practice the hustings Geraldes (standing for President) Claud’s was due to close last to the College. tends to frustrate students who are quickly became a complete joke. constantly spoke out of turn by May when the Bessemer Building The RSM have also motivated trying to eat lunch in peace in be- The candidates were drowned out grabbing the microphone from Mr and the Mines building were refur- staff within the building to join Collins and the other candidates. bished; lobbying by the RSM and a forces to save Claud’s. Mr Turner His comments became increasing- change in the refurbishment plans said: “Staff are strongly backing it ly more offensive, until someone in allowed it to remain. as well, and providing very useful the crowd accused him of misogyny, However, Claud’s is once again advice. I just hope that the impact prompting him to stand up and de- in College’s sights. It seems plans this has had will convince the col- clare: “Yes, I am a misogynist!” are afoot to replace the cheap and lege administration to seriously re- The debacle left a sour taste in friendly cafe with a College-run consider their plans.” the mouths of many present; a number of hacks approached Felix afterwards to express their dissat- isfaction, one going as far as to call it “a complete fucking farce”. Many complained they could gain abso- RCSU Challenge at the Ritz lutely no information about the can- didates whatsoever, and that the candidates were denied a fair and unbiased hearing. RCC Chair Mark Flower (a member of the Elections Committee) did his best to maintain order, but it was not to be. Other candidates for President are Stephen Brown, Julian Gianuzzi, Jon Matthews and Sophie Spillard. Other candidates for Felix Editor are Emily A certain candidate getting a little too close for comfort to Mr Collins Lines and Tom Roberts.

Contractors ‘pour concrete down the drains’

ArtsFest’s finale party last Friday and began backing up. Though the had to be cut short by more than an female toilets were still functional, hour after damage to the Union’s students had to be asked to leave. A very swanky venue for the RCSU Science Challenge finale drains put all the male toilets in the The finger of blame appears to be building out of service. pointing at the Union’s contractors Attendees of the event have told working on the building redevelop- The RCSU have finally unveiled rial event being held in. Felix that raw sewage was coming ment, who have been pouring wet the location of the finale of the Sci- The Science Challenge competi- back into the toilet bowls. cement into the drainage system. ence Challenge. Combined with a tion has received a huge amount of Indications that something was College’s contractors, AMEC, have party to celebrate the first anniver- media attention, and the BBC, the amiss with the Union’s somewhat surveyed the drains and seen evi- sary of the re-launch of the RCSU, Guardian and the Telegraph, as well ancient drains had been seen dence of this, though investigations the prize giving will take place in as Felix will be covering the event, throughout the week; toilets had by the Union’s contractors have yet the Ritz Hotel on March 9th. With and the winner will certainly be re- been slow to drain while flush- to reveal any hardened blockages. several of the high-profile judges ceiving a lot of coverage (as well as ing, and in several cases have The priority for the moment is to attending, as well as the cream of £2500 and a laptop!). If you haven’t overflowed. restore the drains to working order. the ICU, the event is likely to be one submitted your Science Challenge It seems that with the large Vans have been spotted bringing in of the highest profile events in the essay you’re leaving it a bit late, as number of people in the building on drain rodding gear, and it appears Centenary Year calendar. It’s cer- the deadline is 5pm today. Friday evening, the drains could no that the problem will be resolved tainly the most exciting venue this You can buy tickets from the longer handle the volume of water next week. “‘Ere, they’re full o’ concrete!” reporter can remember an Impe- RCSU website (www.rcsu.org.uk) 4 felix Friday 23 February 2007

POLITICS [email protected] Depressed little Britons?

Camilla Royle

What has happened to this nation? In a report by the United Nations Children’s Fund on the 12th Febru- Omar Hashmi ary, Britain came out as the worst country in the industrialized world Politics Editor in which to be a child. The charity UNICEF gauged 40 know that the constant and separate indicators to measure repetitive feeling of Déjà vu children’s lives in 21 of the world’s is getting to you know, but it most economically advanced na- I should. We are going to see tions. This was the first study of a lot happen in the next few its kind. Unfortunately, it found months. Britain’s children were among the All I can say is that it is in the poorest and most neglected. American government’s best inter- On key measures of poverty and ests to keep Iran neutralised. The deprivation, happiness, relation- pressure is mounting. Plans for a ships, and risky or bad behaviour, massive military strike have been the study showed that Britain con- unveiled, and President Ahmadine- sistently came out with low scores jad is in the lowest diplomatic po- “All countries have weaknesses sition he has ever been in before. that need to be addressed and no Just how do you measure who is happier? Criticism of his foreign policy rhet- country features in the top third of oric (concerning Israel as well as the rankings for all six dimensions,” Uranium) and his poor record on said David Bull, UNICEF UK’s ex- action,” including an injection of 4.5 have been told during the last we cannot objectively tell in units promised reforms at home have ecutive director. billion pounds, was needed to meet quarter century that depression is of happiness how much more un- been the primary objections. As a However, Britain’s appalling re- a government target of halving the a serious illness that can lead to happy they really are. Perhaps un- result, 150 members of the parlia- sult begs some serious questions, number of children in poverty by suicide, poor physical health, and happiness can be in certain cases a ment signed a letter blaming him are we in a cut throat, dog eat dog 2010. personal, professional and social course for drive? for raging inflation, soaring food society? In medical psychiatry, there has difficulties. Thus, the international After all of this discusion, home prices, high unemployment, and Jonathan Bradshaw is a professor been much discussion about child- mental health community has in- organisations and governemnt do failure to deliver a budget on time. of social policy at York University hood unhappiness. S Timimi S in vested considerable resources in need to monitor the situation fur- This with an overwhelming defeat and one of the report’s authors, put a paper entitled “Rethinking child- trying to tackle this scourge. ther, and with a higher degree of so- in December’s local elections, ulti- Britain’s poor ratings down to long- hood depression” says tot her effect Unfortunately, some of the prob- phistication in order to objectively mately means that that power has term under-investment in children that to diagnose major depression lems when dealing with a ranking discern how happiness is felt as, shifted over to the pragmatists. and a “dog-eat-dog” society. in children is to medicalise the un- system is that it is simply a form opposed to how much better off that This shift may (or may not) bring “The findings that we got today happiness caused by affluence, per- of relative ranking. Overall, teen- particular individual is. As this sur- peace - but what is teh price to the are a consequence of long-term missiveness, a decaying family and agers might be adversely affecting vey is the first of its kind, I presume Iranian people of this move? Will underinvestment in children,” said society. the results by being more vocal it will be quite some more time until their interested be observed by for- Bradshaw, who is a professor of However, Joseph M Rey and (yes I mean moaning) about their a more refined conclusion is built. eign powers, or usurped? social policy at York University in Michael J Dudley contrast this view ailments, relationship problems or If expert clinicians disagree, it Oh yeah, er um, say something England. Colette Marshall, UK di- in a number of articles entitled “De- life’s work. is little wonder that the public is more relevant, ooh, er, perhaps rector of charity Save the Children, pressed youth, suicidality and anti- It does not necessitate that they confused, yet severely depressed about the Union? AHAA! Get more said the report was a “shameful” depressants”, by stating that medi- are objectively worse off, rather teenagers will continue to come to envolved! Yes. Whoever said thiat verdict on Britain. She said “drastic cal practitioners and governments they just perceive to be, and further, doctors for management. this page just looks up at the sky? Flu, flu, all over the world and spreading...

Li Teck Lau

160,000 turkeys lucky enough to have survived the Christmas cull, instead found their final resting place in a gas chamber after a di- agnosis of H5N1 avian influenza was made on a farm in Holton, Eng- land. 2,500 birds died initially from the virus on the Bernard Matthews owned property, Europe’s largest turkey producers and famous for products such as frozen ‘turkey drummers’. The discovery comes a month after the disease was found in Hungary, and a year since France saw evidence of an outbreakSo far, H5N1 has claimed the lives of over 200 million of our feathery friends all over the world. Avian flu is a mild disease, often not life threatening in wild birds. However, H5N1 is a highly patho- genic strain, and according to the World Health Organisation (WHO), H5N1 avian influenza finally struck England last month in Holton in sleepy Suffolk may claim up to 100% of contami- nated animals within 48 hours, af- fecting respiratory tracts, organs product, accounting for 70%, of a vironment, Food and Rural Affairs. a contaminated animal; poultry equivalently fatal, will bring about a and tissue. European food sector worth 20 bil- On Saturday, the same day as con- raised to a heat above 70 degrees, new pandemic. Influenza pandem- That it is a highly contagious lion euros annually. firmation of the outbreak in the UK, and strict hand washing practices. ics have so far been periodic in hu- disease, and that birds reared for A 3km zone has been drawn Nigeria reported a deceased 22 year It is, however, the practice of home man history, with the worst case the food industry are kept in such around the farm, restricting the old woman with traces of the virus, slaughter, common in many devel- occurring in 1918 with the ‘Spanish confined environments, presents a movement of birds and moving thought to be the cause of death. It oping countries, which significantly Influenza’. That episode claimed an huge risk to agriculture and any na- them indoors. A further region en- is estimated that 165 people have increases risk of infection. estimated 40-50 million lives world tion’s economy. compassing all within 10km of the died as a result of H5N1 since 2003, There has been much investiga- wide. The WHO warn that, with all After the French outbreak in Feb- infected farm is to be subject to though in general, human infection tion into any human cases because necessary precautions in place for ruary 2006, poultry sales plunged intense monitoring by Cobra, Brit- is rare. The WHO states that prop- many scientists fear a mutated ver- a human outbreak, a pandemic to- by 30%, and only recovered half a ain’s emergency planning commit- erly prepared food is enough to pre- sion of the virus, one that spreads day may result in a global death toll year later. Chickens are the main tee, and the Department for the En- vent getting the disease even from just as fast between humans and is of 2 million. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 5 Letters to the Editor A collection of random missives

does not imply a causal relation- A nice easy ship. It is probable that the arrival of television in Fiji coincided with starter for ten other lifestyle changes, any or all of which could have contributed to the reported increase in Eating Disor- Dear Felix, der symptoms and body dissatisfac- tion among young Fiji women. After looking out my office window, Giselle’s allegation that “The and seeing a rather large crane parents are responsible, not fash- moving over the Sherfield building, ion” should be presented together I started wondering what all this with contrasting evidence that sug- building work going on at Imperial gests that “bad parenting” does not was. Like what is the deal with that “cause” anorexia. To agree that door to nowhere they put in the side this is the case perpetuates the of the Library? It would be great if myth that anorexia nervosa is a dis- you could let us all know in Felix! ease caused by the family,and does nothing to alleviate the guilt that a Gavin Nicholson sufferer’s loved ones may feel when they watch helplessly if the disease takes hold. In some cases, patholo- Andy Sykes replies, gies within the family contribute to the development of and mainte- The large crane is probably for fill- nance of an eating disorder. Howev- ing in the lightwells that occupy er, current evidence suggests that space on level 4 of the Sherfield there are many contributory factors Building. Plans are afoot to in- that are involved and interrelated. crease the office space up there, Anorexia is not “just a disease,” and I think the Finance Depart- it is a disease - a disorder - a set ment have been moved across the of symptoms with a diagnosis and road to Princes Gate. whilst treatment is complex there I have often wondered what the are treatments and prognoses. It hell the ‘door to the beyond’ was is not “a symptom of wider mental in the side of the library. After health problems” - it is a mental close consultation with Mr Ash- health problem. ley Brown (Live! editor) we have Recovery from anorexia nervosa, decided that this door was for obesity or body dissatisfaction, in- workmen so they didn’t have the volves the maintenance of healthy traipse through the library to get body and mind. This is not easy and to the floor where work was being requires effort. Attempts to move done. There was a staircase made towards improved health for all of scaffolding up to it at one point. young women is not aided by un- I just hope that should a confused The incredible door that leads to absolutely nowhere. What the hell is it for? realistic body types on the catwalk. student who happens to be drunk Nor is it aided by misrepresenta- on excessive revising doesn’t mis- tion of serious mental health issues take it for an exit and fall thirty eters qualify as Adonis. Yes his and Andy Sykes replies, in Felix. feet to the concrete. Kat Gray’s page 3 may not have Anorexia - The library is getting a new ven- been to everyone’s taste, and I for For the last time, I wasn’t trying Anonymous (by request) tilation system (to combat the in- one did not exactly find it some- to insult Mr Furse. I’m hardly one Mis-represented tense local warming in level 4 and thing to stick on my wall, but it got to talk – I’m 5’ 10”, pasty and have 5) and a general refurbishment. more people talking than the regu- been compared to Skeletor in terms and inaccurate Sarah Skeete (Fashion Editor) At least, that was the plan, but lar stock of averagely pretty girls of build. replies, you’ll see from the front page that in underwear (which admitedly I shouldn’t have used that phrase, this redevelopment has been thor- probably got more geeks w**king) as it seems to have been readily Sir, I think health is a serious issue oughly shafted by Westminster which is the point of the Felix page misinterpreted. I’ve apologised to with respect to fashion, and at the Council. 3, is it not? Mr Furse, and I hope there are no Your “fashion” editorial Anorexia: a time of writing, the size zero issue I just thought you ought to get hard feelings between us. Oh, and media problem? made unsubstanti- featured prominently in newspa- your facts right before trying to in- I saw him in the Union the other ated claims about this serious dis- pers, which is more relevant to sult him back. day, and he is f-ing massive. My order. This poorly edited piece sen- a Fashion page than say fertility Another thing is - I know you’re mistake. sationalized anorexia nervosa and treatments or cancer. What I wrote Still upset about trying to cater Felix to it’s ‘target I think you’re right about Page 3. misrepresented the contributing reflected my opinion and personal reader group’ with this great surge There was a nicely chiselled bloke roles of the media and the family in experience, which is to say that I the reply to Sam of soft-porn and all (congratula- on this week’s, which seemed to its development. think family plays a part in ano- tions on actually getting a semi-na- please a few ladies. There’s a great Your author claimed that “Ano- rexia in some cases. Furse ked bloke this week), but honestly, one for next week, but I won’t spoil rexia and obesity are the health I agree that anorexia nervosa, are the four pages of ‘games’ really it (it’s more in keeping with the old problems currently garnering the obesity and other eating disor- necessary? Most of the pictures Page 3 style). most attention,” yet she did not ders are serious diseases. I know Dear Andy, could be reduced in size and you As for games, a bunch of people present evidence that this is the anorexia takes serious effort to could probably reduce the section have approached me and said it’s case. Anecdotally, the “size zero” overcome. Having more realistic Hate to stop you doing your job with down to about two pages. the only thing they read, and a few debate and popular weight-loss di- body shapes on the catwalk might having to deal with minor pedants, Finally, I wonder why you made people have said they hate it. There ets both loom large in media aimed help in some cases. However as I but I’m writing regarding the Felix ‘Collins in X-factor’ a headline story are a lot of gameplayers in College, at women, but other disorders are mentioned in my article, there are page 3 reply to Sam Furse this week. when the fool who filled in the ap- and they seem to be enjoying it. also the focus of newspapers and many reasons why this isn’t go- You are quoted as writing that ‘You plication form couldn’t even follow It only suffers in comparison journalism - fertility issues and can- ing to change drastically anytime are not 6’4”, tanned and incredibly the instructions (namely ‘PLEASE with the other sections; seeing as cer and its detection and treatment soon. Calling for bigger sizes on muscular’ about Mr Furse. COMPLETE YOUR APPLICA- a few members of Felix are on the as other conditions spring to mind the catwalk is well and good, but as Well as it so happens, he can prob- TION IN BLOCK CAPITALS’). Per- campaign trail, and a few have as reported about on an ongoing you said, anorexia is a multi-fac- ably top those requirements of the haps you should run a story in the had tragic things happen to them, basis; concerns surrounding the eted disorder. As I drew attention physical parameters; he’s 6’6” and vein of ‘Collins can’t follow instruc- the arty sections are a bit light. detection of the H5N1 virus have to, the government focusing on he’s rather strong (just you try sit- tions horror’ next week? Hopefully things should improve in received numerous column inches healthy eating, and teaching nutri- ting on a horse’s back for atleast an On positive note, Felix this year the next week or so. The best part of late. tion at schools, is a realistic way to hour a week whilst trying to make has been a bit better designed and about Felix was never the news, Ms Skeete’s interpretation of the help target eating disorders. it do tricks and trying not to fall off laid out, and whoever writes the but the back part of the paper. incidence of Eating Disorders and I’m sorry if you feel I “sensation- -you probably won’t be able to walk horoscopes is a comedy genius, so I won’t name who filled in the ap- body dissatisfaction in Fiji, and her alised” anorexia, I wrote from my the next day). well done on that. plication form for fear of making pointing to the arrival of television experience and brought up some OK, he’s no Arnie, but you did try them look bad at an inopportune as a causal factor, is facile. If two points that are often lost in an at- to give an example of what param- Avalon de Paravinci time. factors change simultaneously this tempt to not offend anyone. 6 felix Friday 23 February 2007 Sabb Elections 2007 ffelixelix What are the main issues this year? The next group of sabbaticals will have to face a number of difficulties. Felix tells you what they are

Andy Sykes student population. All of these foolish individuals There’s an interesting mix of candi- who’ve decided to stand will have dates this year. On the one hand, we a number of problems to face if have a lot of experienced, Union- they’re elected. These are long- savvy folk who know how the place term issues with the Union that works (and presumably, how it won’t be resolved by the end of this doesn’t work). These are what most year. would term the “hack” candidates. On the other hand, there are a Beit Redevelopment number of candidates who’ve nev- The biggie. The sabbs will have to er been involved with the Union keep a constant eye on this and its before, and some who haven’t ex- ever-shifting deadlines. pressed any interest in it until now. These are the “fresh” candidates. NUS membership There are pros and cons to both Great, we’re in. Now what the hell groups. Hacks may be too wrapped do we do with it? up the in “papershuffling” aspect of the sabb jobs to figure out what The Charities Bill will make a difference to your aver- Dull to the average student; basi- age apathetic student. On the other cally, the sabbs have to figure out hand, they have the experience to how the Union can stay independ- drop straight into the job. ent without making the themselves Fresh-faced types might find the overly personally liable. learning curve incredibly steep on entering the job, and therefore Union reform achieve absolutely nothing. Howev- The perennial problem – what do er, they’re likely to be more in touch we do to make the Union more ef- with what’s going on in the general ficient and better organised? The Union. Beautiful in summer, isn’t it?

What do the sabbaticals do? Felix explains why you should take a moment to vote for them

If you’re not a hack (and let’s face Deputy President (Finance & been reinforced by the occupation it, most of us aren’t hacks) you’re Services) of this role by the exceptionally probably wondering why the hell Probably the most important DP fluffy Ben Harris this year. you should even bother taking a position, since they hold the purse This sabb spends the vast major- few minutes to log in to the Union strings for almost every activity the ity of time in meetings with College, voting site and click a few buttons. Union dabbles in. including the big ones like Senate “Sabbs?” I hear you cry; “they don’t They are responsible for all the (deals with course problems). The do anything except sit on their ars- club budgets, events budgets, and rest of their time is spent on case- es and get paid for the privilege!” pretty much anything involving work: dealing with the problems of Okay, in some respects you might money you care to name. individual students. be correct, but sabbs actually have They are also responsible for the a great deal of power. Don’t forget bars, including pricing, and general Deputy President (Graduate that the full-time staff that work for bar strategy. Expect to see lots of Students) the Union are often instructed what manifestos promising lower bar The more observant among you to work on by the sabbs. Sabbs even prices; pretty much every DPFS might have noticed that there is no have the power to change College has promised this. election for this position this year. policy (well, in theory, anyway). That’s because of the furore sur- Deputy President (Clubs & rounding the role; no-one in the Un- President Societies) ion seems sure whether it is tene- The head honcho. He or she is the If you’re in a club (and statistically able in the long run, as the last two boss of all the Deputy Presidents, speaking, it’s likely that you are), occupants have faced what could be and is pretty much the figurehead then this is your man or woman. called intense media scrutiny. of the Union. This sabb is responsible for the In practical terms, this means day-to-day administration of clubs, Felix Editor they spend a great deal of time in including various wrist-slapping The odd one out. It’s not like the meetings, trying to thrash out pol- activities. They also tend to be the other sabbs – the President can’t icy between all the interested fac- lead organiser for Freshers’ Fair. order the Editor around. tions. Any time College does some- With more than 200 clubs, this is The Felix Editor is (gasp!) re- thing the Union doesn’t like, the a big responsibility. A lazy or bad sponsible for producing Felix. At President will have to take control DPCS can spell disaster. the moment, it’s one of the only two and try and sort it out. student newspapers in London with The character of a President will Deputy President (Education & a sabb editor. almost always set the character of Welfare) The Felix Editor is also respon- the Union the year. You get what Traditionally known as the “fluffy” sible for producing the Freshers’ you vote for. sabb, a nomenclature that’s only Handbook during the summer. If you don’t vote, you can’t complain. It’s the law, y’see Friday 23 February 2007 felix 7 SSabbabb mmanifestosanifestos Editor’s note: these manifestos are provided ‘as-is’, with no proofreading or spellchecking.

Stephen Brown Union President

I am supposed to open this mani- this happen at election time for the but here are the highlights. festo detailing the experience I past four years and I want to make Elect me as President for more have. the Union a bit more sincere and student discounts, less Union I’ve been involved at every level relevant. spam e-mails and making sure from representing students, be- Reporting for Felix on the Un- that the NUS keeps the prom- ing a member of a sports club and ion and what it does for the past 2 ises they made to us during the sometimes I just like using the years got me thinking about things referendum. bar. that could be done better. I would also strive to keep bar Having now demonstrated my in- Union politicians need to accept prices as low as is economically volvement with the Union I could that most of our members have no possible and continue lobbying col- now proceed to take credit for eve- interest sitting on committees, fo- lege over the wild disparities in the rything it has done well, distance rums or filling out paperwork so we proportion of good degrees award- my self from the bad parts and need to engage with these people. ed by different departments. “gracefully” accept complete re- Why should they have to turn up Vote Stephen Brown for a more sponsibility for things that are go- to dull meetings to feel involved? open Union. ing to happen anyway. I have seen A full manifesto is available online Diogo Geraldes

Weeeey! I’m Diogo (dee-oh-goh!), that I think I master. The following award in all the departments, a full-time 21 year old Portuguese are some of the things I’m aiming to improving results and lecturing macho and a more occasional Bio- change in our college: quality. medical Engineer wannabe. You’re • bring fun and coolness to the • give more funds to departmen- probably now wondering why would Union bars by organising more tal societies and organise ca- someone like me, whose only Union common events with the med- reer days within each course in experience is having tried all the ics, Wye and the Royal Colleges order to help with professional types of lager sold in Da Vinci’s, run of Art and of Music. decisions. for President. Well… I think that • get an outside bar in Beit Quad • start workshops and collabo- anyone can learn the bureaucratic for Summer Term chilling and rations with the neighbouring crap that you need to run it, but stu- revamp Db’s properly. colleges of Art and Music for all dent life, my fellow friends, that can’t • provide hot snacks to the Hol- the repressed creative Imperial be studied in the library! You have to land Club for all those PhD students. experience it in order to completely binge drinkers. More information in my Face- understand what being a student is • try to get reading weeks and book group or when you see me half and how to solve our problems and create the Teacher of the Year sober. Julian Giannuzzi

I believe that a good Union presi- Final year students may have Are we becoming illiterate? With dent is the person who best rep- union experience, but may not Waterstone’s gone where will stu- resents the Imperial College care as much for the future of ICU dents buy their books? (yes some students. as a younger candidate as they people actually BUY books) The president is the elected are no longer a student, will they Have more recycling facilities on spokesperson for the students of best represent views of students? campus! I am no eco-warrior but Imperial and responsible for con- I am not going to tell what you do feel we throw away too many veying the view of Imperial stu- want to hear, or say I will do things that could be reused. dents to the rest of the country. I things that I know I won’t or can’t I support all ideas expressed believe that I am that person. to be president. Instead I will by fellow members of the ‘Slate’ As a first year I will be bring- express things that I think need (Messrs. Balikhin, Holland, ing fresh blood and new ideas to changing: Narayanan and myself). ICU. I will still have to complete Stella Artois on tap in the union! “Youthful enthusiasm and new my course after being president, Why isn’t the country’s most pop- ideas vs. experienced old hacks.” so I care about how the Union will ular beer in the union? be run. Open a union run book shop! YOU DECIDE!

Voting opens Friday 23rd Vote online at: & closes Tuesday 27th www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote 8 felix Friday 23 February 2007 M Jon Matthews

The Union has taken great steps for- Network. free, not charged for by the back door. ward this year albeit not without con- • Negotiate properly with College • Be available to students when- troversy. We have joined the NUS, we to ensure better co-operation without ever needed (I already work 100 hour have reformed our governance struc- sacrificing independence. weeks). ture, we have entered into a Sports • Work for a model of postgraduate • Continue the work to reduce bar Partnership with the College, we un- representation that works and serves prices, we have had three cuts this dertook some painful but necessary all postgraduates. year but can have more. reforms to our commercial services. • Ensure an energy efficient and • Improve Union catering, let’s face We can make great things from these sustainable redevelopment that con- it, it needs it. changes but need a President that is tinues to meet student wishes and • Bring experience and proven fully aware of the issues and has been requirements. leadership ability to the Union. involved in them throughout. Vote Jon • Make all Union officers truly ac- You cannot select a President on Matthews for President and I will: countable and remove the hurdles 250 words, for more information, • Ensure that we get the service we that still exist in calling officers to email me at [email protected] deserve from the NUS especially the account. or watch out for me at hustings and promised Science and Engineering • Ensure the gym remains truly around campus. Sophie Spillard

As President I will represent stu- It is clear that Imperial is Lon- I would also like to heighten the dents to the best of my ability. don’s leading university academi- profile of the ICU Cinema; as one I will take student issues to cally, however in terms of the so- of the cheapest cinemas in the council and be the voice of the cial scene and night life our union West End I feel it is a shame it is student body. is far behind the competition; far under used. Since I am in my second year too many students spend eve- I would like to improve catering I feel I have the benefit of being nings at Kings or LSE. within the College; I am keen to both accustomed to the ways of I believe the union has the po- keep the privately run RSM café, the university long enough to tential to be an amazing venue where food is cheaper and tastier take on the responsibility of this and with the incorporation of than in equivalent College owned post as well as having an insight Beit Redevelopment I would outlets such as in Da Vinci’s. of the demands of all students. like to attract more students as As President, representing stu- The clubs and societies at Col- other London Unions are able to dent’s needs I feel it is essential lege are very important to the stu- do by hosting larger club nights that I am approachable if stu-

Union President dents and I would like to maintain which would be affordable and dents feel there is an issue they the funding that they receive. desirable. need to discuss. Alexander Balikhin

As the Slate’s DPCS candidate I electronically. sive equipment or why do we have will support the policies of the oth- I will also try and increase the 2 golf societies each paying for er Slate candidates. autonomy of clubs and societies. ground hire. These include an office hour for For example allowing clubs to Our membership of the NUS sabbs to make them more accessi- decide for themselves how their should be exploited: NUS cam- ble and the renaming of the posts AGM is run, instead of the usual paigns like the ‘Strong and Active of president and deputy president way written in the constitution Unions’ can provide assistance to to Don and Capo, along with re- template, or by reducing the newly societies. naming the council and executive elected officers form, by not includ- Finally I will help campus’s other committee to the Commission and ing details about the non-essential then South Kensington, get a fair the Sit Down. officers. deal with regards to C&S. I will try to continue the war on Money can also be saved by get- It’s true that my union experi- bureaucracy, as I’m sure every ting clubs to share. ence as re-app and club officer candidate will promise. It sounds so easy but if for exam- doesn’t compare with that of my This can be done by allow- ple there are 2 scuba societies why opponent but with me you are ing more forms to be handed in does each one have to get expen- promised some fresh ideas. Alistair Cott

Why should you vote me for This means not freezing budgets to the very people they are there to DPCS? without at least telling the commit- help. Well I have seen first hand the tee, as I have seen it do, or setting I believe the process in which problems which clubs and socie- deadlines which the clubs and soci- clubs and societies go through to ties face everyday; this experience eties only find out about with very get anything online needs to be comes from being a club officer, in little time to spare. made easier. a club and society executive com- Many of the countless forms Plus the time taken to get any- mittee, and working in the student which plague clubs and societies thing put online needs to be de- activities centre. could be implemented online with creased, if only to persuade clubs From this I would like to un-com- email confirmation and updated and societies it’s a good idea in the plicate the union, so make the eve- versions from last year. first place! ryday running of all clubs and soci- Also much of the finance system Remember a vote for me would

Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) eties less frustrating. could be automated online. This be for an approachable friendly The union has to remember it is would be a huge improvement lead- person that clubs and societies here to help clubs and societies not ing to less paperwork, and the staff could come to sort out any of their to hinder them. having more time to actually talk problems. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 9 M

Anthony Calder (Finance & Services) Deputy President

Firstly, I would like to thank all ability. and entertaining events within the those students who have seconded • Make sure campus clubs do not Union. me to make it possible to run in feel isolated from ICU if they are • As I already have a fairly good this forthcoming election for the not based in South Kensington by understanding on how the financ- role of DPFS, those of you know keeping in contact and helping es of ICU work, I will explore ways who you are and thanks, it means where necessary. on improving the system. a lot! • Supporting the President in • Work on trying to satisfy the ICU is going through exciting implementing the current Union student’s needs regarding the changes with refurbishments and Strategy. services ICU offer. the implementation of its 5 year • Ensure that ICU Clubs and So- And: strategy plan, the governance re- cieties spend their money wisely. • Depending on what my powers view and its affiliation to NUS. • Make sure the changes made permit me to do so; research and Why should YOU vote Calder; this year to ICU such as the gov- explore the possibility of develop- • As I will full fill the duties laid ernance review are successfully ing an ICU brand amongst clubs out in the constitution regarding fulfilled. and societies in line with other the DPFS role to the best of my • Help ensure we run successful large universities such as Bath. Andrew Holland

Nobody can deny that our Union cluding cocktails, and more beers Waterstones has shut down. We bars need improving. (Stella!!!) on tap. are one of the few universities If I were elected I would seek aAlso, I would try and get later in the UK without a bookshop. to improve this by ensuring that drinking licenses for end of term A union run bookshop should be all bar staff are trained to a high events. on campus – it is a necessity for standard. With the smoking ban coming in, students. All too often we receive service we are set to lose the shisha bar. Although I may be inexperi- which is poor and slow, some- I would strive to keep this by enced, I believe I, as well as the times even to the point of down- introducing patio heaters and rest of “the Slate”, am what the right rudeness. a marquee to allow shisha to Union needs. Fresh ideas, and I have worked and have been in- be comfortably smoked in all a new outlook on things, rather volved in training in bars before, weather. than tired old career politician and know exactly how to turn The sorry state of food in the un- students. them around. ion will be addressed as well, with Vote for me, and “the Slate”, After that, I would seek to intro- prices better reflecting what you if you feel that our Union needs duce a wider range of drinks, in- are paying for. change. Christopher Larvin

With three years of involvement in the ing and do not cater for all students. (including non-alcoholic drinks), and Union ranging from working part-time 4) Catering is the subject of discon- make positive steps with Union staff in the Student Activities Centre, sit- tent for many, and cannot compete to find cheaper suppliers. ting on numerous committees, to be- with other facilities on campus. 4) Work to increase the quality of the ing RSM CSC Treasurer, I’ve become 5) The finance system is not trans- Union food and would encourage initi- familiar with the role of the DPFS. A parent and is relatively poorly under- atives to bring students into the Union small selection of problems I have stood by officers. at lunchtimes. identified over the last few months If elected, I promise to… 5) Encourage changes in the finance include: 1) Review the Union’s money con- structure to allow for greater trans- 1) Clubs and societies are a credit to trol mechanism with the aim of re- parency and accountability. the Union but are supported with out- ducing bureaucracy and delays when I believe I am the most experienced dated and inadequate systems. processing claims. candidate standing and have the 2) Event planning can be daunting 2) Produce a comprehensive finance knowledge, enthusiasm and work- and is rarely done properly. training program, including planning ing relationships to make a positive 3) Despite substantial changes in the for very large events. impact on our Union. Vote Chris for Union’s bars there is inconsistent pric- 3) Where possible reduce bar prices DPFS. Hugh Mansfield

As Imperial becomes affiliated with I recognise that students have tition to keep prices low, and I will the NUS once more, the role of to stretch their own budget out, so not allow students to suffer as a the DPFS is more significant than I will ensure that the best possi- result. ever. ble facilities are available without I will also broaden the range of With the NUS affiliation fees pricing them out of reach of the Union events, while keeping their coming out of the Union budget, vast majority of students. prices down. the importance of a responsible With this in mind, I will keep hall There is a growing feeling that and effective figure as DPFS can- rents in check so they remain af- the Union fails to represent all not be overstated. fordable to everyone. students fully. I will make sure that not only I fimly believe that facilities Not only will I be directly ac- would the remaining budget be such as the gym must stay free to countable to you, but I will also managed more effectively, but all Imperial students, and guaran- make myself available at all times also that Imperial students are tee that this will remain the case. for anyone to bring any concerns able to take the greatest advan- I will make certain bar pric- to me. tage of the services provided by es stay down - since the loss of For a responsible and account- the NUS. Southside bar, there is no compe- able DPFS, vote for Hugh. 10 felix Friday 23 February 2007 M Emily Lines

I’ve been writing for Felix since my I will bring Felix out on Thurs- But it’s not just about news. To first year and have been Arts Edi- days again! Being distributed keep you entertained in boring lec- tor since 2005, nurturing the Arts on Friday lunchtime as it is now tures, I plan to resurrect the legen- page into a regular section. means that many students don’t dary FUCWIT league, print more I’ve developed lots of PR contacts get a copy until Monday, when the puzzles, games and have funnier and my writers get access to Lon- news may well be out of date. comment. don’s most important Arts events. I want more features and inter- I will be bringing in new ideas I’m a 4th year mathematician but views in Felix, and a bigger science and contributors to keep Felix I’ve spent most of my time at Im- section. I plan a ‘News in Brief’ sec- dynamic and evolving. As for our perial doing lots of other things! tion with news about student activ- beloved centrefold; boys, girls, ani- I sat on the summer ball com- ity in other inferior universities. mals, statues - I’m not fussed. mittee, worked in the Union bar, I want Felix to hold Sabbs ac- played netball and as well as my countable for their decisions and Ambitious plans. first love Felix, I am currently a promises, and report on what Experience coming out of my Pimlico Volunteer and RCSU Hon- changes to the Union mean for ears. orary Secretary. students. Vote Emily for Felix. Tom Roberts

Felix has changed dramatically over ing material. An emphasis will be recruit more staff and beef out the the last few years. Under Rupert, placed on regularly returning col- current sections, some of which the news teetered on the tightrope umnists too. have only appeared sporadically of sensationalism, whereas this Page 3 has lost the essence of this year. I will maintain the Fe- year’s Felix has maintained a bal- what made it so much fun as well. lix website and create an informal anced stance and more professional I intend to guarantee that women feedback system so that we can lis- approach. However, this has been and men have an even representa- ten to your views. at the expense of some of the light tion whilst ensuring the photos are Felix has played a major role in my hearted content. If elected, I will more tongue-in-cheek and taken at life at university and I’ve loved writ- bring the best of both worlds. familiar college locations. ing for it. Technically I’ve gained a The comments section will contin- I will introduce a global news page vast amount of experience this year ue with its debate on topical issues briefly summarising the world’s key as deputy editor. I promise to push like gay adoption and veils, but I will events as well as a photography myself hard if you elect me and ex- bring back Neighbours discussion, page. There will also be a greater pand upon the good work of the pre- Stormy Woods and other easygo- presence at the Freshers’ Fair to vious editors.

Felix Sinclair

I’m a third year physicist and a re- Rupert Neate, i.e. nail-biting excite- matters to students and investigate. app at Southwell Hall. ment and drama from start to finish 2) More writers. Felix needs up- I’m 5’10” with dark hair and a slim 10/10. It will cater for a less narrow scaling. I’ll attract a greater range figure, looking for a funny, dark- range of readers. of writers to keep more people haired girl, preferably with a good Here are my proposals for next interested. dress-sense, for fun, maybe more. year’s Felix: 3) Pay rise for Felix editor. Felix is bland this year. If you want 1) Investigative journalism. Ap- 4) The Oxford English dictionary the same again next year, vote for parently nothing happens at Impe- defines naked as “without clothes”. one of the other people (reverse psy- rial. Fair enough, but those of you Why are my centrefold models not chology, don’t actually do that). who were here last year probably naked?? I want Felix to be fun and less up- remember the Felix editor trespass- 5) Coffee break with Lou and tight, it is a student newspaper at ing in all the halls to expose hall Andy

Felix Editor the end of the day. security. In a nutshell, if you elect me as Fe- My Felix will be a lot more like it Felix can make news. My Felix is lix editor I’ll make it a lot more en- was last year under the legendary going to get involved, find out what tertaining and light-hearted.

Re-Open Nominations (runs for all positions) ? If you vote for me; I’ll suck you off don. I will wish death upon you dering you blind with a pick-axe. faster than a stoat gets trapped in and your anticlockwise flushing If you vote for me; I will intro- a tractor. I’ll spit dem rhymes; I’ll appliances. duce more lesbians into various commit some crimes; and I’ll be the I will flick my snot at passers-by clubs and societies’ committees. I deciding factor. and then pretend I am a Hungar- don’t agree with them; but at least I like Wotsits; so there will be ian parsnip harvester. I will make they like the flange. I will make more Wotsits in the union. Ooh; sure you close your windows to sure your existence is a constant sumptious cheese-based snacks. stop those sexy ladies coming chore by making Felix out of fibre I hate all races equally and so in and distracting you from your glass and puppy dog’s tails. I will will be breaking wind in various studies. then poop in all your amenities cupboards. I am a true follower of If I am elected I will hurt you. I whilst singing the Welsh national

useless fashion as I have been known to will brand you with an iron made anthem. wear both grey and purple. I will of pure hatred formed in the fires On a serious note: You can vote bring a tragic irony to the Union of Mount Doom. Only then will you for RON if you don’t think any constitution. There will be more become my children – I will make candidate is suitable. Electing Think they’re all fish battles in half-naked aban- love to your eyesockets after ren- RON will restart the elections. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 11 M

Aditya Narayanan (Education & Welfare) Deputy President

A good DPEW realises that univer- ally the type of establishment that dents to feel compelled to raise sities cannot be run completely like wants to be trading books for a dou- any issues they have with me. businesses. ble espresso? Being a student – and that too, a Although making money is highly I know that communication with student in London – weighs heav- important, the priority for Impe- students is vital, and so all mem- ily on the bank balance. rial College should be education. I bers of the ‘Slate’ (Messrs. Gian- I am deeply concerned about the feel a union bookshop on campus is nuzzi, Holland, Balikhin and my- inflation of accommodation prices, essential. self) intend to hold office hours and I want to ensure that they re- With Waterstones closing down where time is reserved specifically flect the standards of the rooms there is currently nowhere for stu- to talk to students about anything. available with particular attention dents to purchase books specifically One of the problems I have found being paid to Southside. related to their course. has been the lack of student in- Finally, I stand for all poli- Have you noticed how there are volvement in the running of the cies stated by other members of coffee shops opening up at every union, which I will strive to rectify. the ‘Slate’. Vote Narayanan for corner of Imperial? Are we re- I would like to encourage all stu- DPEW!

Kirsty Patterson

Imperial students often lack a Un- can find me in my office rather than cially responsible modern institution ion identity. I intend to run cam- in a meeting. I will support College’s commitment paigns, driven by students at a Guaranteeing a place in halls for to become a Fairtrade University. A faculty level, to increase interest in first years is vital to retain our ap- simple step that needs to be taken is Union politics and facilitate better peal to students who would not oth- increasing recycling facilities within development of ideas. erwise consider coming to London. College and the Union alike. A natu- Entering the NUS is a key issue I hope to initiate an online forum for ral development is to reduce un- for the Union this year and sup- accommodation issues as part of the necessary waste and use resources porting the development of a Sci- Union website with the view to sim- more effectively. ence and Technology Network will plifying the housing process. This is a brief summary of some of ensure that we do not waste the The Union needs to provide the ideas and issues I have raised in opportunity we have been given. healthier eating alternatives in Un- my full manifesto. You can obtain a Additionally I will ensure that I ion catering and wider access to copy by emailing [email protected] or am available before office hours at contraception in halls. In order to by viewing my discussion board on 9:00am so that students know they promote Imperial’s status as a so- Facebook. Make sure you Vote! /elections org

Vote online until until Tuesday February 27th 23:59 union. college at imperialcollegeunion.org/vote imperial 12 felix Friday 23 February 2007 NNUSUS ddelegateelegate mmanifestosanifestos

Stephen Brown Ashley Brown Alex Guite Ben Harris Ed Hunt Some of you may find my candidacy I firmly believe that the NUS, This conference is our first big Last year I was one of many stu- I actually campaigned against Im- rather peculiar as it wasn‘t that long as a body formed to look after chance to make our voices heard dents who campaigned long and perial joining the NUS. I believed ago I was badgering you to vote No! the interests of students, has no within the NUS since we joined. hard for Imperial to say YES to the that, on balance, it wasn’t worth our during the referendum. The NUS business spending its time com- When I lead the ‘yes’ campaign NUS. As such it should come as no money. But now we’re in – narrowly has many faults and I am flattered menting on foreign affairs. I didn’t pretend that the NUS is surprise that I passionately believe – all ICU members have a duty to that several members of the Yes I was strongly opposed to Impe- perfect: reform must go wider and in the need for a strong national make sure the NUS works for us. campaign agree with me. Since the rial’s NUS affiliation because of deeper to make our national union voice for students - the voice that We need delegates that represent referendum I have been working con- its tendency to do so. more accountable to you and ce- NUS provides. This year I have al- the sceptical middle ground, who structively with them to ensure that As an NUS delegate I will not ment its financial viability. ready worked with NUS and seen aren’t interested in NUS politics the chances of us reforming the NUS only represent the interests of By actively engaging with the the work it does campaigning for and gossip. I’m standing as some- are maximised. Imperial has voted to Imperial College students when NUS we’ll get the most out of our students’ interests – not just on top- one keen to have a conference that join the NUS by a narrow margin so voting (and not for any political membership. I’ve been working up fees but I wide range of issues focuses on relevant student issues lets make sure they keep their prom- motive or ideal), but will also with the no camp to draw up rules from housing to healthcare. But I like debt, housing and employment. ises. Elect me as delegate and I will: report back on the conference, for our conference delegates to en- have also seen the problems within I will seek a frank and open dialogue • Vote as Union Council instructs identifying any strengths and sure that they represent all Impe- NUS – from overstaffing to certain between delegates and our Union me to. weaknesses. rial students rather than align with groups constantly trying to talk Council, to achieve the unity of pur- • Disrupt the passage of motions Conference is an expensive political factions. about issues which don’t affect stu- pose necessary for ICU to make any that are irrelevant to students as stu- business for the NUS and ICU, Elect me as your delegate and I dents. However, those at the top of sort of impact. I hope that the public dents. We want the NUS to deliver this year we have the opportu- pledge to work to keep the confer- NUS realise the problems and are speaking skills I have developed as on top up fees, not waste time and nity to help make it better value ence focused on issues which mat- working to change the organisa- president of the debating society money debating the pros and cons of for money. ter to us as students, to push for tion. If elected I will strive to ensure might be put to good use in articu- “solidarity” with Venezuelan Trade Vote for a delegate who cares reforms to realise the full potential that the much needed reforms are lating an honest, representative Unionists. about students and the financ- of the NUS and to work with other implemented and that NUS contin- voice for our student body. Let’s go • Elect the NUS leaders whose poli- es of your clubs, and not about conference delegates to report back ues to fight, and win, for students. to conference with a solid, achiev- cies are closest to those of ICU. politics. to you on our activities. Vote Ben for NUS delegate. able plan, and make it happen.

What do these delegates do, anyway?

The National Union of Students is a coalition of student unions from around the country that aims to change government policy by acting for all the un- Omar Hashmi Camilla Royle Kee Ng James Fok ions involved. The delegates will attend Imperial needs delegates it can As a campaigner on a range of is- Hi people, the main issue that’s I led the No! Campaign last year the NUS National Conference trust. sues on campus I have seen the going to be hanging over the nus for passionately believing that for in Blackpool, which takes on Campaigning on all the im- effects activism can have. the next few years will be the top up Imperial College Union to join three days in March. portant student issues must be I am part of the ongoing actions fees. I’m strongly against the top up the NUS is the wrong thing to The referendum to decide done with energy and skill. against top-up fees but I believe fees and feel that the NUS have not do. if the Union should affiliate to As the Political Philosophy So- that the only way to successfully as yet done enough to stop it. I also This is why I am running in the NUS said that we would be ciety President, I have worked stop fees is to work jointly with oppose the war and the subsequent this election to become an NUS joining. for nearly two years in bringing other universities. attack on civil liberties. While many delegate. As such, ICU can now send prominent speakers to Imperial That’s why I voted to join the argue that the nus should only con- I want to see for myself first delegates to the NUS National to debate some of the most con- NUS. cern itself with topics that affect hand whether I was right or Conference to debate on what tentious contemporary issues. But the NUS needs reform, it students directly, I believe that our wrong. NUS policy will be for the next As the Politics Editor of Fe- should represent the views of or- opinions while be taken more se- Also to I want to ensure the rest year. lix, I am actively building dinary students and be made up riously if we spent the preceding of the delegate team will act as Things that will be discussed awareness of the wider global of activists, not bureaucrats. year involved with the wider issues one representing our students. include top-up fees, student picture. The government’s neo-liberal around us, rather than just debat- After all, our union has paid a debt, housing issues, and so As a fifth year medical stu- agenda doesn’t stop at fees. The ing 10% discounts for kit-kats. Hav- substantial amount of money not on. dent, I have been around a climate of Islamophobia resulting ing said that, I’d like to add that I to the clubs or societies but to ICU Council has decided that long time, got to know many from war in the Middle East has have no opinion either way regard- the NUS and I will make sure it is the delegates should vote as good people at Imperial, done hit universities hardest. ing 10% discounts on kit-kats. money well spent. they are told by Council. This enough time, and got enough Research at “elite” universities means that our delegates will experience to know what is go- is being increasingly dictated by not be allowed to join any po- ing on. the needs of the private sector litical or religious faction at the I believe I am in an excellent and cuts to public services such Other candidates running (did not submit manifestos) Conference (for example, Stu- position to help you get the rep- as the NHS will become more dent Respect), nor vote against resentation you need, and keep of an issue for us especially for Timothy Wilson, Emma Persky, Umar Patel, Andreas Koukos, what Council have mandated you informed about the issues the large number of medics at Kirsty Patterson. them to do so. you want to know about. Imperial.

Elect Stephen Brown as President for a better Union.

Elect me as President and I will:-

-Sell NUS Extra discount cards for £7 instead of £10. I don’t believe that ICU should profit from ordinary students.

-Work to keep bar prices as low as possible.

-Safeguard our independence from College. I won’t let College use the Charities Bill as an excuse to take us over.

-Continue with the “greening” of the Union building. We’ve started it so we should finish it.

-Only send college-wide emails when I have something important to say, not regular spam that clogs up your inbox.

Having worked as a Felix sub-editor and held the position of RAG For a full manifesto see Chair I am the only candidate who has the experience AND the http://stephenbrown4president.blogspot.com/ personality to take our Union forward but first I need your vote. seek out my facebook group or email me at [email protected] Voting online from 00:01 on Fri 23rd until 23:59 Tue 27th February 2007 www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote

VOTE JON MATTHEWS FOR PRESIDENT AND AN ACCOUNTABLE UNION THAT LISTENS TO YOU AND WORKS FOR YOU

The Union is YOU, all of you, it’s your Union and you make it what Elect me and I promise to: it is. The only reason the Union is there is for you, its members.  Ensure the NUS deliver on their promise of reform and The Union needs to be accessible and represent all of its members serve you to the level you deserve. but it can only do this if it listens to you. I have listened this year  Ensure that we co-operate with College to improve your and will continue to do, let’s make this a Union to be proud of, a service and representation but not sacrifice on our Union that works for its members, a Union that listens, learns and changes how you want it to. independence.  Ensure that the redevelopment meets with your We need a President that fully understands the issues at hand, for example, how many other candidates have a year’s experience expectations and requirements on all levels.  working with things such as the Charities Bill, and have read the bill Keep the gym truly free, not charged for by the back door. to understand its implications?  Continue the work to keep bar prices down and cut them I have served the Union for eight years in both welfare and finance whenever possible. roles. I have genuine experience where it counts and know how  Provide real leadership to the Sabbatical team, one man and when to compromise to get results. can make a difference but the Union is about teamwork. We need a President that works with his team to achieve Vote for genuine experience, real leadership and results, not one that dictates the agenda. proven ability:  Listen to what you want, involvement comes from the Vote JON MATTHEWS for President. grass-roots, we can’t forget this. It is your Union. Vote online at imperialcollegeunion.org/vote from 00:00 Friday 23rd to 23:59 Tuesday 27th February. COMPLETE EYECARE

UNIVERSITY VISION

Why Go Anywhere Else, Fast Friendly And Efficient When You Can Come To Us? We Are The ONLY Opticians For The Students And Staff UNIVERSITY VISION @ Imperial College, Level 2, The Walkway Sherfield Building, Exhibition Road, London SW7 2AZ Telephone: 020 7594 9746 unionpage Time for change? You tell us.

There are three major topics that are being discussed in the Union at Should the Union reform the DPGS sabbatical position? Should the Union introduce a the moment and we would love to hear your views on these issues. viable environmental policy? The Deputy President for Graduate Students (DPGS) position has rarely Should the Union change the long-term Beit building been out of the spotlight in its short life. The holder of this position is Last but certainly not least, and redevelopment plan? tasked with two very diff erent roles; the fi rst is to act as an ICU Deputy aptly following a highly successful President and the second is to run the Graduate Studentsʼ Association Green Week, the Union is seriously Three years ago the Union prepared a strategic document called (GSA). The consensus seems to be that the second role is working well considering introducing a powerful the “Beit Building Masterpan” that set out in considerable detail how but the fi rst is not and this is why three proposals to change this role new Environmental Policy that will each room of the Beit Building should be redeveloped over a fi ve year have been developed and discussed in recent weeks. These models call for: period. Up until now we have followed this plan almost to the letter. are: • A reduction in Union waste through However, a debate has recently reopened over one element of a future • Retain the sabbatical role but remove the Deputy President element reducing use of disposable skiff s, John Collins phase we hope to implement in 2008. Our existing plans to convert from it to create a new post called GSA President. crockery and cutlery. President the current Union offi ces on the fi rst fl oor of the Beit Building in to • Abolish the full time sabbatical role and replace it with unpaid • Better provision of recycling [email protected] a café is being widely discussed and an alternative plan to turn this volunteer offi cers who would be led by a part-time GSA President and facilities in the Union building. area of the building into fl exible clubs and society space is being supported by a part time professional staff member. • A greener Beit Building Masterplan that includes secondary glazing, developed. We are keen to fi nd out whether students think the east • Abolish the full time sabbatical role and replace it with unpaid insulation and low energy lighting in the Beit building. side of the fi rst fl oor of the Union building should be used either as a volunteer offi cers who would be led by a volunteer GSA President and • The creation of a new transport policy that encourages clubs and commercial venue or as a dedicated facility for clubs and societies. supported by a full time professional staff member. societies to use greener forms of travel. • A campaign to encourage the College to buy electricity from A petition in favour of the club space option is currently being If you want to know more about these proposals and want to tell us renewable sources. prepared for consideration by the Union Council and if you wish to which one you prefer then please contact our present DPGS, Shama fi nd out more about these proposals or even sign the petition then Rahman, by emailing to Again, a petition is being prepared in support of this policy and if you please contact the RCC Chair, Mark Flower by emailing [email protected]. are interested in signing it then please email Hannah Theodorou at [email protected]. [email protected].

Get your voice heard! As of the 14th February 2007, Imperial memorable and more rewarding. And win amazon.co.uk vouchers College Union became offi cially affi liated You can use it to make your money go for doing it… with the National Union of Students (NUS). further on books, clothes, sports stuff , One of the many benefi ts of being a CDs, travel, computer gear, gigs, eating member of NUS is the new NUS Extra Card, out… As a student it can be massively frustrating; which you can now buy online. And not just in the UK either; the Extra however hard you shout kick or scream goto imperialcollegeunion.org The NUS Extra card has been put together card doubles as an International Student you just canʼt get anybody to listen. Simply to off er a range of exclusive discounts, Identity Card, so you can use it to get getting your lecturer to write slightly slower for more information off ers and competitions designed to special off ers and discounts when youʼre can take months of delicate negotiations, Ben Harris make student life more exciting, more travelling abroad as well. while changing your personal details Deputy President resembles a crusade against bureaucracy (Education & Welfare) rather than a simple administrative task. [email protected]

However, right now there is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get your views across in not one, but two surveys.

The fi rst is the National Student Survey (NSS) which can be found at www.thestudentsurvey.com. This is a nationwide survey which is open to all fi nal year undergraduates across the UK, and covers all aspects of the university experience. This is a public survey and as such is the best opportunity you have of letting people outside college – be it the press or prospective students – know exactly what you think. In previous years the College has performed well in most areas, but is that still true? Of course in some areas, like feedback from assessments, the College has been slated by students, and Chill on the Hill thatʼs helped spur them into taking action on the way coursework 23rd February - Notting Hill Arts Club marks are delivered – proof that what you say makes a diff erence. £5 entry - tickets available from imperialcollegeunion.org £2 per drink all night! (with ticket) In a big change this year College, at the request of the Union, hasnʼt given out your phone numbers. This means you wonʼt be pestered constantly while trying to revise, but it also means itʼs up to you to take part. We need 50% of all fi nal year students to respond, and if you donʼtʼ then College will have to look again at whether or not it provides numbers. So for the sake of those in lower years please, Varsity 2007 please fi ll it in. Imperial College Imperial Medicals Looking closer to home the College and the Union are working together to look at how we deliver online services and how they can VS be improved. As part of this weʼve been consulting departments and groups of students across College, but we want everyone to Wednesday have their say. And this is where you get to win amazon.co.uk 7 March vouchers.

Weʼve launched an online survey which you can fi nd at Football, hockey, rugby and lacrosse at Harlington Sports Ground union.ic.ac.uk/survey, to fi nd out what you think of the services fi rst match kicks off at 12.00 off ered, and what additional services you think should be introduced. JPR Williams Rugby Varsity Match Everyone who takes part can enter the prize daw to win either a fi rst Richmond Athletic Association Ground prize of a £50 voucher, or two runners up prizes of £25. Kick off 19.30

This survey forms part of a wider ICT project, so you may well see Tickets from £6.50 or from £8.00 with return travel from your suggestions implemented in the not too distant future. South Kensington/Charing Cross included Tickets available to buy online at So, what are you waiting for? Please take part, and if you have any Dress: Funky as you like- Atmosphere and music: Carribean themed early in the www.imperialcollegeunion.org/varsity questions get in touch with me. evening (with surprise guests), with DJs and live bands later in the funk, soul, boogie groove - Guaranteed entry (without queing) till 10pm with ticket - Limited Advance or from Ethos reception tickets only till Wednesday 21st till 5pm Tickets sold physically by : Tanaka reps (call Shivana on 07812502326 or in selected locations) GSA Chair (Shama 07949763383) And The SCR every lunch time from 12-2pm at the entrance. Tickets also sold online at imperialcollegeunion.org

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB imperialcollegeunion.org Tel: 020 7594 8060 ONLY BY EXPERIENCED STYLISTS NOW 10% DISCOUNT £26 ..... LADIES ON ALL COLOURING £20 ..... MEN SERVICES Normal Price £48 CASH ONLY ‘Still the best student offer in South Kensington!’ 15a Harrington Road South Kensington London SW7 3ES (1 Minute walk from

South Kensington Tube) Telephone 020 7823 8968 www.freshhairdressers.co.uk 18 felix Friday 23 February 2007 eviews RMUSIC [email protected] A Brit Awards bonanaza This week we delve into the past with a Decemberists review and the Brit Awards

bouncers trying to control some than many of us were expecting, decision regarding Take That’s sin- of the celebrities who had already convincingly embarrassing Robbie gle, perhaps even more significant The Brit Awards 2007 gone overboard and were drowning Willaims for yet again stumbling was the sheer volume of text mes- Earls Court in a champagne supernova. into rehab, whilst accurately liken- sages I had received regarding my Presented by Russell Brand Scissor Sisters opened the awards ing Amy Whinehouse’s voice to that presence there. ceremony with a generously flam- of a cab driver. It was probably the most surreal boyant rendition of I Don’t Feel The Killers, recipients of both musical event I have ever been to. like Dancing with a most bizarre Best International Group and Best I suppose you could say I was Half Matty Hoban I’ve never felt so out of place. Walk- display of gravity-defying, flying International Album, stunned the The World Away. ing past the red carpet, thousands legs. I know it was executed using audience with an explosive per- Robin Andrews is not amused of screaming fans, hundreds of pho- black-clothed dancers on an equal- formance of When You Were Young, tographers, and obscenely wealthy ly black background, but again, my shortly before Corrine Bailey-Rae Londoners covered in all manners slip on reality increased exponen- showered the Brit School audi- album review of animal fur, I finally found the tially. To be honest, I wasn’t really ence with millions of golden tickets, assup y’all? ticket collection office. I was care- complaining. probably allowing all of them to fi- Well, you may fully watched by the omnipresent Best Live Act was the first award, nally enter the legendary chocolate have noticed bouncers, probably wondering why and it was not surprising at all that factory. W that the music I was even standing there. Muse topped the list. Each of the During the advert breaks, the section has been After a long climb to the fourth awards was presented by musical audience was shown clips of last sporadic/shambolic in content. If floor, I was rewarded by the sight artists or celebrities of particu- year’s awards ceremony, but I was you haven’t noticed, then thanks of a set of gigantic proportions. lar note, including Simon Pegg of too busy scanning the tables below for your ignorance, it makes me It was surrounded by thousands Shaun of the Dead fame, and Ricky me; it seems that a three course feel better. of A-listers and many more tel- Wilson of the Kaiser Chiefs, star of meal set on platinum plates had oc- Anyway, yeah, to be honest I’ve evision cameras. Sadly, despite the last year’s Brit Awards ceremony. curred at some point. Miles above, I The Decemberists not been that excited about much enormous size of the backdrop be- Every recipient of each award were could only think of how much of my The Crane Wife lately save for the Do Make Say fore me, I soon realized that from present and accounted for with the student loan I could pay off with one (Capitol) Think album but that has been on the fourth floor of Earls Court the exception of the Arctic Monkeys, of those plates. ★★★★✩ my various musical playing devic- stages appeared miniscule and the who were clearly away doing more Before the end of the perform- es for a while. I’ve seen a couple people themselves were singular- important things. The seemingly ance, I was horrified to watch Jus- It has been a year since Picaresque, of interesting London bands lately ity points. omnipotent northerners won the tin Timberlake accept the award for and boy have I felt it. Fans of the such as Man Aubergine, but they By the time the ubiquitous warm- awards for Best British Group and Best International Male, over the Decemberists like me are forced to are lacking something that I can’t up guy had cascaded onto the Best British Album. Seriously, is poetic Damien Rice. There were suffer. The problem is the distinct quite put my finger on. Basically, I stage, I was growing increasingly there anything they are nominated some strange anomalies in the dis- lack of any other band which can need some tunes! anxious; however, this was nothing for that they don’t win? tribution of the silver statuettes this replicate the uniquely diverse and Yea, where are the tunes at? All to do with anticipation for the show, Snow Patrol’s performance of year, but this was by far the most melodic indie-pop that The Decem- I’m hearing lately is aimless drivel it was merely due to a camera on a their supremely popular single outrageous. It seemed the people berists produce so effortlessly. How and I think there are many rea- large mechanical arm which decid- Chasing Cars was one of the best around me concurred, and I was they manage to do it still boggles me. sons for this. Ultimately, I’d blame ed to focus itself on the section of of the night but they walked away quite surprised at the bravery of a Each track has around ten different the internet. As much as I think it the audience I was sitting in. After without the award for Best British certain man to my left who decided instruments chirping and tweeting is great that you can hear all kinds staring down the levitating camera Single; that honour went to Take blaring out a particular obscenity in the background, yet they always of music and get exposure as a for a good few minutes, it suddenly That and their single Patience, during a relatively quiet section of compliment each other to create a band, that is one of the problems rotated towards the stage, and the whose five minutes on stage caused the speech was the best course of perfectly balanced song. with it. There are simply too many twenty second countdown blared every single female in the room to action. It’s here that The December- bands writing too much music. out from the speakers. squeal into ultrasound and every Concluding the night was the ists’ strength lies. The flexibility Gone are the days when a band Russell Brand meandered onto male to cower in fear. highly anticipated extended set of of their instrumentation enables would hone their skill through the podium as the crowd burst into The Red Hot Chili Peppers were Oasis, who accepted their award for them to craft each and every sec- laborious writing, gigging and re- cheers, many of them reveling at ecstatic upon reaching the stage, Outstanding Contribution to Music ond of sound exactly as they want writing before either withering the fact that they were on televi- and the crowd-pleasing Dani Cali- with typical Oasis flare. Liam Gal- it. The rich atmospheres they cre- away into nothing or become a sion. I fortunately escaped this fate fornia, refreshingly different from lagher was heard to curse about ate completely absorb you without force to be reckoned with. There by not being famous enough. Darn. the recorded album version, pro- something, whereas Noel declared: you even knowing it, transporting seem to be no great pioneers be- Apparently this was the first live voked even the most fur-laden A- “Seeing that we don’t get nominat- you to the fantastical worlds they cause the amount of time they’d showing of the Brit Awards since lister kilometers beneath my bal- ed for this anymore, I suppose it will are describing. spend playing their music would 1989, so of course everything had cony view to stand to attention. have to do,” before grinning as the Take for example the title track, force them into making something to go perfectly. Even from where Russell Brand’s commentary audience exploded back into life. The Crane Wife 1 & 2. This twelve they’d love and others would love I was perched I could see several proved to be far more successful Their extended set went beyond minute epic retells part of an old too. the live coverage, and included Japanese story in exquisite detail However, thanks to MySpace, ROBIN ANDREWS Morning Glory, Rock ‘n’ Roll Star, (the first track on the album, The illegal copies of recording soft- Cigarettes & Alcohol and the truly Crane Wife 3 finishes it). The beau- ware obtained through Bittorrent anthemic Don’t Look Back In An- ty in the song comes in the transi- and cheap, available hardware, ger, all of which caused every single tions between the chapters. anyone can write guff, record and living soul in the gigantic arena to The opening verse contains only a then get 500 people to listen to jump about in celebration of this plucked guitar with touches of vio- it. There seem to be two options band’s legacy, including Gary Light- lin, exactly mirroring the isolation open to bands now: you meet up, body of Snow Patrol and Dominic experienced by the poor farmer. write some derivative songs, and Howard of Muse, prominently vis- As he stumbles across an injured whore yourself out because the ible from the balcony above. crane which he nurses back to songs will be so derivative that The instant Oasis disappeared, health, the song musically explodes. they won’t be challenging to any- we were all ushered out of the build- Horns blow, symbols crash and or- one and you’ll make money (eg. ing so that the musicians and those gans squeal for mercy. The amaz- Arctic Monkeys); the second op- lucky/wealthy enough to obtain a ing burst of energy wakes us from tion is to make less derivative mu- VIP Pass could commence the after the depression of the first verse, as sic but be so overwhelmed by the show party. Making my way down the crane jolted the farmer out of sheer volume of music around you the (unnecessarily) gargantuan his misery. that your lack of overt accessibility flight of stairs I was barged out of That is the brilliant thing about means you’ll spend your time play- the way by several photographers The Decemberists; you can read ing to just about enough people to armed with at least seven cameras as deep as you like into their mu- verify your existence as a band each, all costing probably more sic, but at the end of the day it just but never get true recognition. than my annual tuition fees. sounds great. For anyone who likes Tomorrow (Saturday 24th Feb- I was impressed by the amount of music with its heart on its sleeve, ruary) we have four bands who text messages I had received dur- I couldn't recommend this album have spent a lot time taking the ing the two-and-a-half hour show more. second option: come and support The scary sight of a music industry patting each other on the back berating the judges/voters for their Francesco Padormo them (look at the poster overleaf).

Behind the scenes with Felix’s centrefold team.

Normal service will be resumed next week.

Photo by Emerson Vigoureux 22 felix Friday 23 February 2007

NIGHTLIFE [email protected] We’re Tidy vs. Extreme Euphoria. back. Hard House in Heaven Again. It’s time for...HOUSE. The Tidy boys and friends take over everyone’s favourite gay club, but fail to do themselves justice musically. Caz Knight checks it out

Tidy vs Extreme Euphoria Heaven 26th January ★★★✩✩

After a whole month off from club- bing and any form of dance music throughout January (to detox and get my brain back in working order for lectures and exams) January Gregory Mead 26th couldn’t come soon enough: My reintroduction to aural hedonism! Nightlife Editor Being a huge fan of anything Tidy, be it previous Tidy vs Extreme Eu- ightlife is back, and I phoria events, weekenders or music apologise for the lack from the record label, I was sure I’d of content recently, it be guaranteed an awesome night in N was all down to tech- one of my favourite London clubs. nical problems, lack Heaven, owned by none other of material and mainly, my lazi- than Virgin’s Richard Branson, is ness. To make up for this, I’ve cre- usually a gay club (please don’t go ated a lovely double page spread during the week: mondays-fridays it for your reading pleasures, and plays a dodgy mix of RnB and club just like the pork content of a Pep- classics and unless you are gay I’m perami, I’m 150% dedicated to this sure you wouldn’t appreciate be- page again. That means we need ing groped as you make your way more reviewers to go forth and re- across the dancefloor!). However, view. Make the most of it whilst you at Tidy there’s nothing to make the still have a will to live, and before non-gay community uncomfort- Too much scratching and hard house that’s too hard. Yep, that’s right the exams start to hit you hard, able: quite the opposite, when you just send an email to the address go to Tidy events you find yourself at the top of the page, and we’ll be amongst a very friendly and colour- events usually kick off at 10pm so stored up over the last month. again with too much cheese and glad to accommodate your needs. ful crowd, something very refresh- the delayed 11pm start was a little Relentless driving bass lines, desecrating classic tunes. The only If nobody writes reviews, there ing form the usual drunken brawls disappointing, but none the less we classic tunes such as ‘909’ kept 3 minutes of the set I enjoyed was won’t be a page because I sure as you find yourself surrounded by at all waited patiently in line for the everyone going with no breaks for a remix of Cade del Mar’s “energy hell don’t have time to go out and a lo of “mainstream” clubs. Heaven doors to open. Nearly bursting with the full hour. Next on in the main 52”. From then on the rest of the write them all. If you don’t want to has a 2000 capacity and because of excitement I almost sprinted into room were Organ Donors. Their night let Tidy down with a poor write for us, you could always just its layout, one never feels cramped the main room to get my groove sets at Tidy weekender 10 and show from Tidy Boys themselves. email us anyway, we get quite sad and it never takes more than a few on. Surprisingly, the music kicked Dance Valley left me expecting From a musical perspective and lonely down here in the Felix minutes to find your way to the toi- off with Trevor Machlalan playing nothing sort of a work of art, yet the night didn’t do itself justice, office. lets or be served at the bar. a very eclectic set, starting off with I couldn’t get into the music: a bit however, much fun was had more Anyway, enough rubbish about Not wanting to undo all the good funky house/electro progressing too much scratching and a bit too because of the people there and the rubbish, this week you’ll see by from my detox and to be able to into some filthy psy-trance and hard if that’s possible! The rest of friends I came with. turning your eyes slightly to the properly stomp to my favourite DJs, then onto the much awaited for my group seemed satisfied with it I spent most of the night looking right, we’ve gone Hard House and I decided to stick to water (£2.50) hard house we had all come for. though. forward to my friend’s after party Trance crazy. Caz Knight was nice and red bull (£2.60), not too bad Not perturbed by the slightly The three other rooms gave a which was to follow immediately enough to write an account of her compared to some clubs in Heaven’s slow start to the evening, we change from the hard house in the after [funnily enough]. night out a while back, when she vicinity. The only frustration came kept on open mind to the ensuing main room with funky house, electro I might think twice before checked out Tidy at Heaven, and from not being allowed to take sets. Unfortunately we were a and trance: A rest was much needed attending the next Tidy event in Taz Aliabadi had a wonderful time bottles into the toilets to refill them little disappointed until one of my after 2 hours of non stop dancing April, although Tidy weekender 11 with the weird hippie goings on due to Heaven’s newly enforced favourite DJs, BK, came on at in the main room. Andy Whitby, will definitely be one to look forward at The Synergy Project in SeOne, strict drugs policy. 2am. Pure musical ecstasy where named the ‘Saviour” of hard house to! and it sounds like quite a night by Tidy vs Extreme Euphoria I danced with all the energy I had by his following, disappointed once Caz Knight how the review reads. Very con- fusing. This is why we don’t touch those mushrooms kids. In other nightlife related news, if you haven’t heard already, the wonderful And Did We Mention Our Disco is returning on Friday Chalk?! Bring back Trash I say. 23rd February, with super secret special guests, and by their past We are all told appearances are horrendous wait for the cloakroom dancing like a penis - well that and, list of acts, the won’t disappoint. Chalk everything, and sticking by that we headed upwards and onwards, as mentioned, getting fed up pre- I might even attend. It’s sure Scala maxim Chalk got off to a pretty through the tiny stairwell to see pubescent tits pouring beer on us; to be better than the let down of Saturdays shite start; although the queue a superb set from the Foals, fresh just lets not forget, the music was a new Indie ‘superclub’ (those ★★✩✩✩ wasn’t filled with dreary, arsehole from playing Durrr on Monday. 50 damn good. words should never go together) Trash-ites it was full of a gaggle of minutes of twatish dancing later, Chalk runs to 6:00am, a time Chalk. Nick Simpson checked it Chelsea sixth formers, drinking we moved on downstairs, awaiting reached only by the most ardent out the other week, and I must Trash is dead, long live Durrr. Well Lambrini and Rose from the bottle - Radioclit. Because we were ‘super- clubbers, but clearly mummy had say - I agree with his account of it is what everyone is thinking, but nice. Inside it didn’t improve much, sweet-cool’ like all the other tossers sent Jeffery, the driver for all the the night, when I went there for the truth is there is more than one there where bedraggled teens who there we naturally spent the whole poor little rich girls for 3:00am and the Ed Bangers party recently, new electro/alternative night in could hardly dress slouched in the time pushing past people, calling by the time Radioclit started proper the place was basically filled with London these days. On January stairwells smoking as if it was just them gay, pouring beer down peo- in room 1, the place was starting to hyperactive 17 year old children. 13th Chalk was launched at Scala another lunch break behind the ples backs, not dancing, sitting on feel empty. I mean, it’s just plain depressing - a three room extravaganza that physics block and the dance floors the floor and getting super stoked By 3:15am the night was all but with you are the oldest person in has already played host to everyone of all three rooms were about as about tequila. Occasionally you over. Undoubtedly Chalk has out- the room. from Shitdisco to Whitey. For the lively as a coma patient. could spot a seasoned club goer and standing acts playing every week, Finally, don’t forget to enter our love of the readers this intrepid re- To anyone who hasn’t been, Scala without a doubt their expressions but like Trash before it, the weak- lovely competition this week to get porter, as a sign of pure dedication, is a pretty big venue, spread over 3 read ‘what the fuck is this’. Gritting ness lies in the people, at least they yourself some free tickets to The invested a Saturday night to attend rooms (although one is just an an- our teeth to bare it we threw shapes are mildly more palatable this time End. See over the page for more what could be the new Our Disco nex to a bar), two harboured live in the squalor that was room three around. details. and Trash all rolled into one. bands and DJs. After a fucking until a mustachioed man beat us at Nick Simpson Friday 23 February 2007 felix 23

NIGHTLIFE [email protected] Felix has a trip to The Synergy Project in the age of Aquarius Taz Aliabadi explores the fuzzy new world order of fluorescent beards, spinning carousels, inflatable insects, and hoards of hippies in the seven dirt chambers that are SeOne during the Synergy Project

ready for our intrepid exploration. The Synergy Project Somehow we managed to stumble SeOne through the grinning masses Friday 21 January and found ourselves bouncing ★★★★✩ around to Fromem-Ory’s hypnotic psy-trance. The sounds were hard and We were standing on the edge of the crunchy like a bowl of Special K, and dancefloor when it began to take the bassline practically knocked hold. I remember saying something us to the ground. The room was like ‘What’s with all the bearded heaving, the atmosphere intense, hippies?’ None of my companions but the air conditioning was non- replied but I thought they’d soon existent and the dancefloor no- notice that we were deep in hippie smoking. We had to escape and country. made our way through the maze of It all started with an unnecessarily tunnels by following a midget on a long wait under an arch in London pogo-stick. Bridge. The smell of hair filled We were intrigued by his the air with dread. Delboy wasn’t promises of a brave new world, helping either, ‘Pills? K? Charlie?’ and found ourselves in a smaller Who is this Charlie-boy? And why is room; a somewhat calmer place he in such high demand? I would’ve but still retaining the air of potent asked Del but couldn’t help but be psychedelia. The music was more distracted by the spinning carousel electronica-based with a hint of in the distance. IDM (no, I didn’t know what the Minutes passed – sixty of them, fuck it was either but I’m sure you in quick succession. That’s the can find a Genre Nazi to fill you in). problem with these hippies – all Here, we smoked, we re-hydrated, that free love gets the better of and we tried to chat but despite them and they end up guest-listing our best efforts (believe me, we half the fucking city. were really very keen to chat) we Once we’d made it through the couldn’t make ourselves heard guest-list gauntlet, the first order above the pounding beats. We of business was to familiarise stayed for a while; getting to grips ourselves with this new world order with the inflatable insects proved to Our artists representation of what the couple at the bottom left of this page were seeing at that moment of fairies and pixie-dust. I found be trickier than we’d first thought. myself clutching a map and vaguely As we sat there watching the remembered a fluorescent beard, crowds, it became clear (not people that loved it. The endless or had it just been one of Delboy’s literally – by this point, everything tea served-up in porcelain mugs little helpers? Who knows? Not me, was a very unclear fucked-up fuzzy had been replaced with Malibu and that’s for sure. All I knew was that mess) that something peculiar had cokes, sipped by trendy kids with Win tickets! there were seven dirt chambers happened to this place and the asymmetric haircuts. It was too clean and sterile, ever so slightly Dig Deeper with Danny Howells chavved-up and at 20 quid on the door, not exactly accessible to all. March 10th 2007 at The End In years gone by, those grimy arches had been home to some of It takes a certain type of DJ to that special touch of Howells the most legendary parties seen play all night long. Rather than magic to the dancefloor. With in the late 90s UK rave scene. whip out your set of peak time a friendly up for it crowd who The Drome, as it was then called, bangers for the last two hours aren’t afraid to show their ap- was dingy and filthy and fucking you have a whole nine hours to preciation, and a DJ whose pas- wonderful; no room for any kind of fill. Not only is that one heavy sion for making people dance door policy then, let alone daring to bag of records, but it means a will never tire, Dig Deeper has charge more than a fiver. fair amount of genre juggling. grown to be an essential night For a while there it seemed as Even the most fervent and en- in the club calendar. though Synergy was successfully ergetic clubber might be feeling From March, Dig Deeper is breathing new life into a faded and a little jaded after nine hours of moving to a Saturday, giving you dull London club scene, almost solid minimal techno. that extra hour to take in the fin- resurrecting the unique squat Mr Danny Howells, however, est selection of Deepsexyfutur- party atmosphere created by The is one those DJ’s who relishes istictechfunkhouse™ through Drome and The Warp Experience, the chance to play all night. till 7am. Since even Danny can’t but somewhere along the way it Equipped not only with the be in three rooms at once, up in had lost its charm. Maybe we were stamina, enthusiasm and blad- AKA Freak Luke Soloman will getting cynical in our collective der control to play from start be bringing his Little Creatures old age, or it could just have been to finish, he has a record col- to town. that intoxicating whiff of something lection that can keep the most Alongside gerbils, guineapigs, unfamiliar in the air. Whatever it cynical, weary club-goer glued squirrels, and other animals of was, something had changed. to the dancefloor the entire the vertically challenged dis- It was at this point that my raving night. Never mind taking you position, expect to be jumping comrades and I realised that we’d on a journey, it’s a full on expe- up and down to house, disco had our eyes shut for a significant dition requiring tent, ice pick, and techno, from deep to dark, period of time; a small crowd had provisions and a compass! from hands up to heads down. gathered and we thought it was Dig Deeper always brings EMAIL IN TO WIN. probably time to get the fuck up. With a little help from our new friend, Nick, we found our feet. We realised that despite our grievances we’d actually had one hell of a night. If you like the sound of this, then check out the Synergy Project website for details of future events. www.thesynergyproject.org These guys were lapping up the psychedelic trance man Taz Aliabadi 24 felix Friday 23 February 2007

ARTS [email protected] Bitesized chunks of ArtsFest trifle

Jazz and Rock Night The Finale a tear in the eye and possibly the most enthusiastic applause of the On Tuesday evening the action This year’s ArtsFest culminated in night. The second ArtsFest debu- moved to dB’s, with and Open Mic a feast of music, dance and mar- tants, FuNkoLoGy, gave us a highly night organised by the Jazz and tial arts at the Finale concert last polished medley of urban styles Rock Society. These sorts of nights Friday. based on a ‘Heroes – good vs. Evil’ lend themselves well to the “guy/ As I sat in my seat waiting I was theme. Not to be upstaged, three girl with guitar” singer-songwriter distracted by the hilarious double teams from Dance Company com- style, and this was no exception. act of comperes Billy Feenan and bined ballet, contemporary, jazz, The beginning of the evening was Katie Heskins. The concert opened and tap styles in one outrageous dominated by a series of acoustic a grand collaboration between Sin- fusion. singers, playing a range of covers fonietta, IC and ICSM choirs per- BigBand rounded up the evening and own material. Special mention forming an excerpt from The Mas- and, as always, certainly did not fail should go to Pete MacRae and Nick tersingers by Wagner. to rouse the audience. Particularly Round, whose addition of a violin Windband chose a challenging impressive was Jan Marchant on was an interesting change, and the set for their ArtsFest debut. This trumpet whose soaring top notes bloke whose name I unfortunately was followed by the music-influ- were the icing on a very tasty Big- missed, but who deserves much ku- enced, Brazilian martial art Capoe- Band cake. dos for playing Tenacious D. ira. Their spontaneous, acrobatic Not bad for a bunch of scientists, The acoustic mood was then left Chamber Concert Busking play fighting was set to traditional engineers & medics. Not only that far behind as the bands took to the instruments. but around £400 was raised for the stage. Although I admit death met- The concert comprised a selection You can miss a concert, you can ICSE provided us with a stunning Newman Trust too. Culture without al is not to my taste, Death Penalty of performances ranging from ro- avoid artwork, but it’s hard to ig- rendition of Barber’s impassioned the petri dish indeed… were energetic and enthusiastic, mantic violins sonatas to themed nore it when two people are spin- Adagio for Strings which provoked The ArtsFest team and seemed to be enjoying them- improvisations using saxophones, a ning and kicking in front of you on selves immensely. The final act was variety of percussion and feed-back the way to the JCR. the fantastic Circus Penguin, whose from amps. Clad in sexy black-and-yellow and interesting punk-rock-jazz stylings The concert kicked off with three sporting posters, flyers and collect- and good musicianship was a great military marches, followed by some ing tins, the musicians, dancers and end to an entertaining night. lovely violin playing from Anne- martial artists in ArtsFest busking Marie Magnan and an exciting brought a bit of culture to even the improvisation from Contemporary most philistine of scientists. Music Society. The group used a Acts ranged from individuals to wide variety of extremely interest- societies, including Contemporary ing looking percussion instruments Music, Gospel Choir, and MTSoc. including a rain-stick and some The martial arts society Capoeira rattles covered in shells as well as attracted a huge amount of atten- more traditional instruments to tion as they performed on the walk- create an intriguing sound-world. way in front of the SCR (security Later there was a virtuosic per- later spoiled the show). Gypsy jazz formance of Poulenc’s Clarinet So- came to the SCR in the form of the nata by Stephaine Ramboarina and Victoria Watson Trio, and acoustic Delphine Feuerstein. The Sonata is pop was provided in the Tanaka a darkly beautiful work which ex- Foyer by David Paw and friends. ploits both instruments to create an Special mention should go to the exquisite palette of sound and was Hilary Woods Quartet, who played peformed with aplomb. beautifully, and to tenor Ed Hughes The final item was the first move- and pianist Gamal Khamis, who ment of a piano quintet by Edward performed in a range of venues on Elgar. Lead by Lukas Medlam with different days. They also took part pianist Shuang Wang, they provided with other singers in an informal an exciting and impressive ending version of Purcell’s Dido and Ae- to a thoroughly excellent evening. neas. Yes, an entire opera.

I Like Mine with a Kiss A cross-dressing epic?

I Like Mine with a Kiss especially during her drunken Ramayana choices have little more than cu- story, and ring hollow as a conse- Bush Theatre rants about ‘bastard from now’ and Lyric Theatre riosity value – I couldn’t really see quence. Besides its fantastical ele- Until March 17th ‘bastard from before’ and injected a Until March 10th what was gained by having the vil- ment – monkey kings, ten-headed £7 (Students) lot of humour with sexual innuen- From £7 (Students) lainous King Ravana played by a monsters, herbs that bring people dos aplenty. woman, although credit should go back to life – the Ramayana is a I Like Mine With a Kiss follows Annie’s mother Jean (Linda Almost anyone of Indian origin to Eva Magyar for the malign cool- sophisticated study of humanity, Louise (an unmarried teacher) and Broughton) added highly comi- knows the story of the Ramayana, ness she brings to the role. In fact, where love is not always happy ever Annie (a single mother of one), two cal interludes, with her expletives, still celebrated today as the festival too often Farr gives in to the temp- after, and even heroes are prone to 30-something women from the East which at times became quite heavy of Diwali, and David Farr should be tation to make cheap jokes rather envy and self-doubt. I think that an End who, on the night of Louise’s going especially by the end of the commended for trying to bring the than provoke tension, and it is left interpretation that drew out these 39th birthday, realize they are a long first half. Broughton also brought tale to a new audience in his retell- to Shri’s superb music to provide very modern themes would reso- way from ‘having it all’. As the story in a musical dimension to the play, ing of the ancient Hindu epic. The the drama and atmosphere that are nate better with our times than any unfolds, drama sets in and tension singing Cry Me a River. hero is Rama, a prince banished to lacking in the script. amount of cross-dressing. This rises high as Louise falls pregnant The play inspired lots of thought a magical forest with his beautiful Despite closely following the plot Ramayana is certainly enjoyable, as does Annie again. regarding the social issues (moth- wife Sita and loyal brother Laksh- of the original, the production’s but it longs for the depth and emo- The play explores a world of bas- erhood, teenagers, sexuality, abor- man. When Sita is kidnapped by themes of materialism and greed tion to do true justice to an ancient tard boyfriends, lesbian daughters, tion) however I did not leave think- the demon Ravana and taken to his versus spiritualism and truth feel story. teenage pregnancy, abortion, moth- ing the playwright had aimed to put kingdom, it is up to her distraught as if they were bolted on to the Meera Ladwa erhood, careers and ‘the hill that across some pseudo-intellectual husband to rescue her from his primroses supposedly grown on’ meaning, and therefore did not dull enemy’s clutches with the help of contrasted with a council estate. my enjoyment. Lakshman, the gods, and an army All six actors were fantastically By the end of the play I was left of talking monkeys. well cast and most carried out their stunned at the what the play had This play is a reinterpretation for Win theatre tickets! roles with passion and great con- to offer: sensational acting talent, the young and diverse crowds at viction, especially Andrew French loveable characters, plenty of dra- the Lyric; full of comedy and mod- Arts Felix has procured two pairs of tickets to the upcoming produc- who took the part of Mathieu, Lou- ma to satisfy any soap-lover’s taste, ern allusions, it makes for great tion of Vertigo at the Pleasence in Islington, playing 6th-18th March. ise’s ex-boyfriend. The character a myriad of jokes (many crude!) yet entertainment, but waters down To win, all you have to do is answer the following question: of Mathieu was extremely likeable also some thinking points without the grandeur of the epic. The cast and together French and Michelle drawing from the play’s entertain- is lively, capturing the humour and Who directed the 1958 film version of Vertigo? Butterly (Louise) managed to con- ment factor. I Like Mine With A mischief of the monkey troupe and jure up an amazing chemistry on Kiss deserves a lot of praise and their hero Hanuman, and Vanessa Answers by next Wednesday 6pm to [email protected] stage. Butterly was highly enter- recognition. Ackerman makes a suitably spunky Please include your contact details. taining in her portrayal of Louise Caz Knight Sita. But some of the production’s Friday 23 February 2007 felix 25

FASHION [email protected] Cool/Lame; your weekly opinion Who needs London Fashion Week for inspiration? Read this special edition full page fashion barometer

The french Converse. You can find some models at Urban Outfitters for about The lead singer of Cansei De Ser Sexy, a twice the price you'll pay in France. So add former illustrator and fashion design as- these shoes to the list of things to buy the sistant. She carves out her own unique next time you go over the channel. Stop style, a totally modern icon. Off The the Converse hegemony now! Hook.

This photography exhibition focuses on the work of Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott, This collection doesn't feature a watered Corinne Day, Steven Klein, Paolo Roversi down version of Kane's aesthetics. A good and Mario Sorrenti. The exhibition illus- thing you might think, but apart from the trates the symbiotic relationship between stupid £125 price tag for his dresses, the fashion and not just models, but actors designs just don't work in real life. They and musicians. The photographs also cap- look like they were designed by 4-year-old ture the interesting, and often unhealthy with synesthesia. relationships between photographer and celebrity subject.

Formally Tsubi, this Australian brand has Anna Sui's catwalk show was original and the hottest fluoro jeans. I maintain that somewhat different to other labels. Anna Australians have the third most annoying Sui, by avoiding the lemming like behav- accent after Midwestern Americans and iour of many designers trying to get in the New Zealanders, but luckily this is totally fashion round-up pages, delivered an in- irrelevant with respect to jeans. teresting collection.

Mostly irrelevant, derivative designs. Not I hate their youthful enthusiasm for the much to inspire a girl on the street. And fictional "nu-rave", what happened to can Topshop please climb out of its own teenage misanthropy? The world is a ter- ass? What is the need for a catwalk for rible, terrible place and wearing head to their awful Unique range? I hope Primark toe neon doesn't inject sunshine and hap- steps up again and takes a large chunk out piness into your existence. All you are do- of Topshop's sales. ing is, a) looking a fool b) damaging my retinas.

Hate his 70's sound, love his style. So does Paul Smith, whoring him out for his lat- est print campaign. This is capitalism working. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, wow. Aaaaah! Is it wrong that I fancy Nicholas Hoult? Who knew from watching About A Boy he would grow up to be good-looking. 26 felix Friday 23 February 2007 Centenary Celebrations 100 years of Imperial, well almost In a new section of Felix, Shiv Chopra will be keeping you updated on Imperial’s Centenary celebrations

January 30th almost seems like a I’m talking about). distant memory for us all. I say al- Secondly, the last issue contained most as I can still picture all that a double-page pull-out, special edi- Centenary cake on that day… It still tion, limited batch, once in a life- haunts my dreams! However, the time centenary events calendar. day itself was brilliant and I have Thus, you have no excuse to miss only received positive feedback all the events scheduled for the rest so far. To clarify a few things for of the year. So, place the calendar some of the students though, that somewhere special, clear for you event was not our Centenary but to to read and check daily. I suggest launch the fact that we were going on a wall, stuck to your Blackberry to be 100 in the summer. So in a way or glued to your cat. If you cannot it was a 99 and half birthday party find last week’s edition then head – you know the half birthday parties over to the Medics’ bar (Reynolds) that odd couples and rich kids at in Hammersmith as we always re- school used to hold all the time. A ceive our Felix late and will have selfish excuse for a party you may tons left over. Finally, I will also up- say but that is not true. date you on our running man, Ben So why the glitz, culinary glam- Ryall, who is taking part in the Lon- our, balloons as well as Paddy Jack- don Marathon for the student hard- man and his team dressed up in ship fund. Edwardian attire? Well, it seems Now, I must carry out task one that’s the only way we can entice of three by mentioning this week’s the students to break away from guest event: “The Creation”. This lectures and labs and get involved. takes place in a few weeks time. Imperial College has been ridiculed But before I do, just a quick men- by other universities in the past for tion of the many events that have not being able to hold its own in the been and gone on so far such as the entertainment side of student life, Hyde Park Relays, ArtsFest and but the launch event proved a point East Meets West. I hope that you to our critics. attended at least one of the above Paddy Jackman, left, and company dressed in Edwardian attire to celebrate 100 years of Imperial Our students were out in force Centenary events and have been that day, promoting their Centenary wowed by the many different acts events to every member of the Col- displayed by our students. One final ly is no excuse for not coming! Look Ethos and a compelling statement parents were able to provide me lege and some displayed their tal- reminder: this week is Green Week up W2 2QD on streetmap.co.uk. about why he wanted to run on be- with accommodation. Without this ents. For me, that was the true rea- so make sure that you take part to- Tickets are £3 for students (or £2 half of the College, Ben was an ideal help, I would almost certainly have son for the launch. Our clubs and day as it’s the final day! if you’re a member of Music Soc), candidate for the place. not been able to afford my studies societies have worked so hard over This year, the publicity writes it- so see you there! (I told you the voice would work!) here. I am therefore only too aware the past couple of months to create self as ICSM Choir perform “The Finally, on my to do list this week Ben has a long association with of the outstanding chances the Stu- a plethora of events throughout the Creation” by Haydn – a stunningly is an update from our runner. When Imperial College; arriving in 2000 to dent Opportunities Fund can offer year, which I hope the launch has powerful, massive masterpiece – in reading the update, read it out loud begin his BSc in Biology and gradu- to talented students who wouldn’t inspired you to attend. celebration both of IC’s centenary in a deep American accent with a ating three years later with first otherwise be able to attend this To keep you all on your toes – apol- and ICSM’s 10 year anniversary. A sultry tone (similar to people who class honours. Since then he has world-class university.” ogies to people who do not have toes majestic whistle-stop tour of the 7 read out movie synopses in the cin- been working towards his BBSRC He continues: “I feel privileged to – I am going to remind you of all the days of creation, all in one evening, ema). It will make the article have a funded PhD in Dr Huw Williams’ be running my first Marathon for Im- wonderful events planned this year (Friday 2nd March 2007, 8pm)! punchier feel and it will read like a group where he has been research- perial and hope that people around for you in many ways. Firstly, you Chamber Choir will also be per- plot to a Hollywood blockbuster. ing pseudomonas aeruginosa, a the College will consider support- will be able to read about them in forming some of their trademark a When PhD student Ben Ryall type of bacteria that affects individ- ing me through sponsorship.” my regular article in Felix, which capella and close harmony works. took part in a competition to win the uals with cystic fibrosis. In March will also include a rant from me The venue is St John’s church chance to become the College’s 2007 2007, when he has finished writing Ben’s progress, including a week- about the chaos that is my life and on Hyde Park Crescent, about five London Marathon runner, he did so up, he will take up a post-doctoral ly training diary, is being tracked a brief mention of my blonde lady minutes walk from St Mary’s & two to win! With an impressive perform- position within the same group. closely on the College website, friend (A.A. Gill fans will know what from Sussex Gardens, so there real- ance in a fitness challenge event at When he’s not working with pseu- where you can also pledge your domonas aeruginosa, a lot of Ben’s sponsorship online: www.impe- spare time is spent pursuing sport- rial.ac.uk/alumni/marathon2007 ing interests. His main passion is triathlon, in which he represented Great Britain in the European Championships in 2006 and quali- fied for the World Championships. It is perhaps surprising then that London 2007 will be his first mara- thon. Despite this, Ben is not taking the challenge lightly, setting him- self the impressive goal of complet- ing the course in 2 hours 50 minutes or under. Ben is using the Marathon place to raise money for the Student Op- portunities Fund, which provides entry scholarships for undergradu- ate and postgraduate students coming to Imperial. Sixty scholar- ships have been awarded through the Fund since 2003, enabling gifted students to study at Imperial who may otherwise have been unable to do so. The majority of funds to date have been raised from alumni through activities such as the tel- ethon and direct mail appeals. On the cause that he is raising money for, Ben says: “I came to Imperial as a mature student and Some of the stars of the magnificant East Meets West strut their stuff was fortunate that my girlfriend’s IC Marathon runner Ben Ryall Felix needs you.

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[email protected] 28 felix Friday 23 February 2007

GAMES [email protected] I, Gamer This week in videogaming A bunch of cocks reform to publish games – Electronic Arts nowhere in sight?

When Zone of the Enders, or Z.O.E., was released in 2001, some – if not most – of its sales were down to the Metal Gear Solid 2 demo is carried free with it. A cheap trick, or clever brand sharing? Which- ever, there’s a sense of deja vu this week as Crackdown finally reaches the store shelves, and the Halo 3 Beta Pass that it comes with finally reaches the 360. Michael Cook Leaked screens and videos of the 360’s biggest big name disap- Games Editor pointed many fans, but the true hands-on beta will let them see the ultiplayer is new weapons and levels first-hand a Garden of – and after all, we really doubt that Eden for gam- Bungie could have broken a win- M ing. From the ning formula like Halo quite that early days of substantially. Spacewar!, it was all we had. Winning formulae abound this There was no “AI” and most of week, with the release of Final Fan- the challenge was supplied by tasy XII after years of waiting. For your opponent (the other part those of you that didn’t crack under of the challenge being the size the pressure to import, HMV will of the machine it was being be hosting a launch event on the played on). But it was fun, and Friday 23rd at their Oxford Street gamers were without shame or store, around 12 p.m. Cosplay com- derision. petitions and extra giveaways for Then came The Fall. Evil the early buyers will at least make Pac-Men and pixelly aliens daytime London look a little inter- whispering sweet nothings into esting. We’d suggest getting there the ears of Player Two, and early if you do intend to get any of before you know it someone’s the freebies. gone and eaten from the tree of The last-gen is fading, though, de- eternal life, and we’re left in a spite fresh releases such as FFXII; barren land of poor level design however, the next-gen remains in and forced to cover our naked- a state of deadlock. The 360 is still ness in the shame of FMV se- shunned in Japan, but a report out quences starring Z-List actors. this week suggests a similar story Yeah, even James Earl Jones. in the West. Nintendo have man- It’s been a long few decades aged to distance themsevles from in the wilderness, but it’s clear the mainstream bitch-fighting, but now that multiplayer gaming Sony’s wonder machine is appar- has re-established itself – not ently being kept on the shelves just for PC Gamers, and not by the 360, performing well on its Gamecock’s games promise a wide variety of unusual design approaches, like Mushroom Men (above) just in front rooms, but as a home turf. global way of gaming. Persist- It’s not hard to see why, as they’re ent online worlds, dynamic essentially banging their heads would “pull away” from Sony and in 2008, but the principle of GoD’s were showing up £2.61 more than 64-player conflicts, seamless against the same commercial Microsoft, and assert themselves reformation is more important, as the shelf price for a 360 Premium data sharing over always-on rock week in, week out – latest an- as a very different kind of brand. it raises hopes for a stronger inde- system, and that meant – under connections. nouncements include a confirms More good news from the inde- pendent force in the new year, es- Tesco’s customer care policy – that We look at both sides of mul- 120Gb 360 upgrade to be released pendent publishing world, as the pecially with Steam’s repertoire of the product went to the shopper for tiplayer this week – at one ex- this summer, and research into a fragmented Gathering of Develop- struggling developers continuing to free. It wasn’t an isolated incident treme, tens of thousands of slimmed-down Playstation3 using ers (GoD) reforms in a manner of grow. either, as many other electronics euros up for grabs in the first new CELL production technology. speaking, under the label Game- Finally, Tesco have managed to items went for free over the Christ- big gaming event of the year – a By contrast Nintendo’s design cock Media. plug a loophole in their pricing mas period. Tesco’s return-and- trend growing the world over. guru, Shigeru Miyamoto, spoke to The new house hopes to have a systems which led to them giving refund policy has now been swiftly And at the other end, playing CNN about his hopes that Nintendo collection of next-gen games out away XBoxes for free. Till prices abandoned. the Spacewar! way, with all the players kept safely within punching distance for a Halo 2 Slayer match. Single-player gaming can’t die, because Pac-Man – howev- er evil the drug-taking cheese- ball is – was right; other gam- ers can’t always be there to play with. But looking at how far single-player gaming has come over the years – from a missing ball and a high score through to non-linear japes in the Elder Scrolls – the pros- pect of multiplayer being given a chance to play catch-up is an exciting one. Of course, there are inher- Estimated hourly wage, in Pounds, ent problems with multiplayer of the winning Counter-Strike 1.6 team gaming, and the technological demand is huge. But the con- at the shgOpen soles and the PC hardware 250 seems up to the task now, and that means the change needs to come from developers. Indie breakthrough acts don’t come all that frequently in the mas- sively multiplayer arena – but maybe now that will change? [email protected] Friday 23 February 2007 felix 29

GAMES [email protected] shgOpen 2007: Winners and losers As the dust settles in Denmark, Sebastian Nordgren reports on this year’s opening cyber tournament

Kickstarting this season in e-sports destroyed by an in-form mibr side, was the shgOpen tournament at the who proceeded to take their re- Bella Center in Copenhagen, Den- venge on NoA and make it into the mark. A prize pool of 60,000 euros grand final. drew teams from all of Europe to The final, then, was between the compete in the large field of tourna- winners of the two largest events of ments. Competition stalwart Coun- last summer, mibr and Pentagram, ter-Strike 1.6 was ever-present, with mibr needing to take two maps as well as Counter-Strike: Source, to win. On mibr’s best map, Infer- Enemy Territory, Call of Duty 2, no, it looked as if the final would be and the small Battlefield 2 infantry anything but interesting, with mibr tournament. With such a large field taking a convincing 16-7 win. How- of competitors, the weekend was ever, going into Nuke, the situation guaranteed to be exciting for fans looked a bit more uncertain. Pen- of team-based shooters. tagram took an 8-7 victory in the A massive 128 teams competed first half and only needed to take 8 for the over 35,000 euros in the CS more rounds to win it. Starting off tournament; this was where most of well, they went 3 up straight away, the action would be, and it definitely only to get completely shut down turned out to be an interesting ride. for 6 rounds by a dominating mibr With Polish World Cyber Games side. With only 3 out of 6 rounds winners Pentagram and Electronic needed for mibr, things started get- Sports World Cup winners Made in ting close, but Pentagram strug- Brazil (mibr) in the tournament, gled to the last – conceding victory it could easily have been nought only in the very last round of the but a fight between the two. But match. mibr walk off 16,000 Euro since Swedish heavyhitters fnatic, richer, with Pentagram raking in a SK Gaming, and Begrip were all respectable 10,000. present, a Swedish winner was def- The other tournaments went initely a possibility. German clans largely according to plan. In Coun- aTTaX, mousesports, and a-Losers ter-Strike’s prettier (yet not quite were also in the running, with aT- as popular) twin, Source, winners of TaX freshly coming off a victory in the recent EuroCup, Swedish Volt You heard the man the World Series of Video Games fi- Gaming were leading opinion polls, nals. Completing the predicted top with Finnish rivals Team Logitech 10 were relative underdogs Danish and Insignia Cadre in contention. second time in an anti-climactic with former idle.ee representing number of contestants, with Digni- NoA, Norwegian Meet Your Mak- The group stage went peacefully, final. Volt Gaming displayed their Dignitas being the clear favour- tas’ Battlefield team being tipped to ers, and Finnish 69N-28E. and coming into the playoffs were prowess at Source by demolishing ites by a ridiculous margin. Having win. After some initial hiccups, the The group stages went without all the usual suspects. Volt Gam- the Finns to the tune of 16-5, taking lost under 10 maps in their last 100 team got their act together, getting hitches, but on Saturday, the sec- ing proceeded to rout all opposi- home a well-earned 2600 Euro. games, the only team that had any to the grand final through the upper ond day of the tournament, upsets tion, leaving both Team Logitech In Call of Duty 2, favorites digital- chance at taking home first place bracket. In the lower bracket, Swed- became fast and frequent. mous- and aTTaX in their wake. Insignia Mind took a group stage victory was zeroPoint, sporting a lineup of ish team Mortifer upset Copenha- esports quickly took a massive loss Cadre was dropped to the lower over their main rivals, British side players from the old Dignitas team. gen Esports, earning the right to to mibr and seeds 3 and 10 SK Gam- bracket early, but fought their way Dignitas, and slipped into a routine Both teams went through the tour- face Dignitas in the final. When the ing and mibr were both dropped up to face fellow Finns Team Log- of total domination. Dignitas took nament uncontested, meeting up dust had settled, Dignitas had un- down by NoA. In the lower bracket, itech, in a close game that left In- a disappointing 5th place, getting in the upper final for the first time. surprisingly walked off with victory. SK took another devastating loss signia Cadre at 5th place. beaten after overtime by under- Dignitas took a clear victory over shgOpen was an excellent event to Team Logitech to finish a disap- Team Logitech faced aTTaX in dogs suXus, who ended up placing zeroPoint, who respectively took that had good coverage and was pointing joint 9th. the lower bracket final in a contro- 3rd overall after defeating Finnish a clear victory over third-place fa- on schedule throughout – a feat Early fallers Meet Your Makers versial game that saw aTTaX make Team Logitech. Dutch team digital- vourites Black Magic, coming back that any modern gaming event is made their way through 5 rounds use of a bug exploit in the penulti- Mind took a convincing victory over for a rematch in the grand final. hard-pressed to accomplish. The in the lower bracket, only to be mate round of the match, leading Tek-9 in the Grand Final, having Again, the Dignitas side did not dis- tournament was a great start to the stopped by mibr to finish 5th, while to the German side forfeiting the gone through the entire tourna- appoint, and under Night’s leader- gaming season, with qualifiers for Begrip made their way into the game and being disqualified from ment without losing a match. ship took another clear victory. all the summer events starting in lower bracket final through a string the tournament. Team Logitech The Enemy Territory tournament Finally, the Battlefield 2 tour- the coming weeks. Here’s to next of tiny victories, only to be utterly went on to face Volt Gaming for the was a one-horse race throughout, nament showed a disappointing month.

Hundreds of players and computers turned out, but it was clear before the tournament started which teams would go the farthest. You don’t get anywhere with green scarves 30 felix Friday 23 February 2007

GAMES [email protected] Halo 2 multiplayer – the guide Azfarul Islam is here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. He’s fresh out of one of them, and it’s not ass.

uch to chagrin of the fray with gusto. This ingenious ture the Flag (Self-explanatory), the burgeoning feature allows for an ever-shifting Assault (Take bomb, plant bomb Halo 2 controls – the basics population of fan- vie for supremacy and allows the in enemy base, run away scream- M boys, allow me to fun to continue as long as you can ing like girls) and Territories (Hold start off with my hold out. onto your own land while evicting personal shock-and-awe campaign: The weapons are ingeniously de- your opponent off theirs). There Halo 2 is ludicrously overrated. signed and it’s quite obvious that are other slightly newer types such The single player campaign, at each one was laboriously custom- as Oddball (hold onto a skull and least. Let’s say that the story is ized to be unique. Since there are survive – talk about ominous) and disappointing with some poorly a few basic types, the fact that you Juggernaut (If you’re the Jugger- judged pacing near the end. In fact, can only carry two weapons on your naut only you can score; whoever the main campaign is quite forget- person creates a real need to find kills you becomes the Juggernaut). table after an initial play-through in your own niche. Each of these modes have quite a Co-Op. Despite being an extremely Halo 2 also allows you to use a few integrated variants of their own polished game overall, it lacks any variety of vehicles, some unique centring around specific weapons particularly stand-out attribute to particular levels. Each one has or modified stats. Fortunately, the that might thrust it into the upper been carefully crafted to offer ease- game allows a well-proportioned echelons of gaming. of-use – and significant mauling degree of flexibility when creating All but one … the multiplayer. capabilities. It’s possible for dexter- custom game modes or even edit- Combining and subtly balancing ous players to eject the opposing ing the built-in types. the brisk pace and sheer insanity of occupant of a vehicle (get up close A common moot point for Halo 2 Unreal with the tactical stratagems and use X) thereby coming into is bots (AI controlled opponents), or and team camaraderie inherent in ownership, however temporary, of lack thereof. When you have enough Counter-Strike, Halo 2 stands as said means of transport. The blood- people around, it’s quite trivial but one of the finest multiplayer games bath ensues again. when there are only two or an odd in existence. It’s also quite clear that much number of gamers, their absence is One of the key attributes that love was put into each level since sorely felt. makes the multiplayer in Halo 2 so the majority boast fantastic design Like most RPGs, Halo 2 offers brilliant is that it’s extremely intui- sensibilities and architecture that you the ability of customising your tive and playable like no other. Cou- maximises the gratification gamers avatar. Of course that’s not saying pled with a refined control scheme will receive. much when you’re just a guy in a that allows most gamers to adjust Halo 2 is indeed the ultimate mul- tin suit … high-tech or otherwise. within a matter of moments, this tiplayer game … in my opinion, Besides the Spartan class (the type is one of the few games that you pitchfork-wielders and CS zealots of soldier that the protagonist, the can unashamedly bust out at a take note. Master Chief, is) you can select party and get most people intensely With my unabashed arse-kissing being a Covenant Elite (alien bad- involved. complete, let me properly introduce guys; ugly). There aren’t any par- The life system uses a shield- you to The Guide to Halo 2 Multi- ticular advantages to either besides based mechanism; there are no player. Note that this applies to of- a personal cosmetic preference. health pick-ups. Initially, all dam- fline, split-screen multiplayer only. However, after extensive play you age is borne by your energy shield For online games on Live! many of may find that the Elites are more – once that’s depleted, you’re re- points brought up are equally appli- difficult to get a bead on with a snip- duced to a sack of flesh that’ll die cable, but some aren’t. er rifle due to the sunken anatomy after being pumped with a few bul- Like most games of the multi- of their heads. Plus, they look great lets. However, the shield regener- player ilk, Halo 2 offers your basic in Pink, which is more than can be ates over time, particularly when gameplay variations such as Slayer said for Master Chief. you’re immobile. This allows you (Free-for-all Deathmatch), Team Head on over the page for an in- to strategically retreat and rejoin Slayer (Team Deathmatch), Cap- depth look at Halo 2’s finer points. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 31

GAMES [email protected] Boom, headshot! Highlights from Halo’s arsenal

together – preferably in a tight cor- ner. The bazooka can lock onto en- emy-occupied vehicles with some trigger-stroking. One disadvantage is the ammo is extremely limited; however, this is a weapon that is po- tent at all ranges and can swing a battle your way. Plasma Pistol: Not exactly equivalent to the Magnum, this lit- tle weapon fires out small spuds of plasma that nibble away at your shield. Useless unless you charge it up – when that happens, you un- leash a crackling ball of pure en- ergy that depletes your opponent’s shields to nil. Slaughter as you see fit. Plasma Rifle: A lot more potent than the SMG, the plasma rifle has a higher rate of fire as well but that’s offset by the fact that it overheats. When that happens, the weapon jams and you’re a sitting duck. Covenant Carbine: Often es- chewed for the superior Battle Ri- fle, this rifle is quite the weapon. It’s faster than the BR and is equally capable. However, the ammo ca- pacity is limited and not as precise. In the hands of skilled players, this is still deadly. Plasma Sword: A truly nasty piece of work depending on who’s wielding it. It locks on from range (wait for a telltale red crosshair) The Plasma Sword – Putting the “Ace!” into “God, no, not the face” and allows you to charge for a sin- gle kill in a very anime-esque way. In large maps, it needs tactics. In Magnum: Unlike the first Halo, wielded, these are formidable. ticularly satisfying. Interestingly, However, when your scope is in use small maps, go wild with it. the Magnum has been toned down Battle-Rifle: A weapon that mar- it’s possible to pull off a shot in the you can’t see your motion sensor Covenant Needler: Like a porcu- to a discreet side-arm. You must ries the rate of fire of the SMG with midst of reloading – however, you or your surroundings and sneakier pine rifle, it fires pink crystals that depress the trigger repeatedly for the range and scope of the sniper have to had inserted atleast one players will love to creep behind adhere to the body and explode each shot. By itself, it’s a rather rifle. A Battle-Rifle is deadly in mid- shell. You’ll also find that despite you, wait to rub it in and then me- within seconds. It can actually lock useless weapon unless your foes’ and long-range skirmishes; an ac- being a rather in-your-face weapon lee you to death. At close- and mid- onto energy sources like the shield shields are down. When coupled curate player can down foes from it can still chip away at range, too. range, you might as well stand still and slowly bring it down. If you with an SMG or Plasma Rifle/Pistol, huge distances. Since it fires in Sniper-rifle: One of most popular and die quickly. dual-wield Needlers, you can rap- this becomes rather deadly again. bursts, the recoil is less pronounced weapons in multiplayer gaming, Bazooka: One of the nastiest sur- idly kill. Submachine gun (SMG): A basic than that of the SMG. At close- this can be one of the deadliest too. prises you can give to anyone in Plasma Grenade: While it doesn’t SMG with a fast rate of fire that’s range, however, this is a foolish op- Skilful (or lucky) players may even Halo 2. This is a weapon that can be bounce around, it does stick to ve- ideal for use in close- and mid- tion, unless wielded with care. be able to line up headshots without used to level the playing field when hicles and more sadistically, people. range combat. One disadvantage is Shotgun: The ultimate weapon a scope. The range is in two levels of the other team keeps ‘splattering’ It has its strategic uses in that a that the clips tend to empty rather for close-quarters combat. A sin- zoom: 5x and 10x (click in the right you with a Covenant Ghost. The stick guarantees a kill, for vehicles quickly and there’s a significant re- gle headshot spells instant death stick to switch between them). At bazooka boasts significant splash as well. Being able to stick someone coil that invariably causes you to for foes (and friends alike, for the long-range, single headshots are all damage and is particularly useful accurately will make you a force to slowly start aiming skywards. Dual- trigger-happy). The sound is par- it takes to bring down opponents. when the other team is grouped be reckoned with. Full circle – mastering Halo 2 MP in ten steps

Here’s a quick run through on for maximum effect. Plasma gre- If your foe is above or below you sion. Also, it’s a lot more gratifying how to be the master, er … Master nades are adhesive and will stick to and the sword locks on, you’ll actu- when your enemies blindly rush you Chief. Sorry about that one, enjoy both players and vehicles. You can ally fly towards him, defying all laws only to find you whipping out the anyway: turn your opponents into suicide of physics in the process. You’ll find sword for death by impalement. 1. You may find it advantageous bombers or make up for the lack of specific levels where this comes in 7. I may sound rather daft, but to change the look sensitivity in the a bazooka when against a vehicle. very handy. choosing the right colour in Team options menu. A slower degree of 4. Teamwork is absolutely essen- 6. When armed with a Plasma Slayer has more benefits than is sensitivity is good for players who tial in matches. Being able to co- Sword or Rocket-launcher do immediately obvious. tend to rush others or shoot locally; ordinate attacks and offer support not equip either as your primary Red, orange, and brown make it faster levels are a must for skilful to your partner will truly bridge the weapon if in the open. The harder to see you in earthy maps strafers. gap between a loss and victory. It’s Plasma Sword is an whereas blue and green work well 2. I cannot stress enough the im- imperative to communicate plans inviting beacon in the shade and urban areas. Cam- portance of experimenting to find a to your comrade otherwise you to snipers even ouflage is particularly useful for weapon configuration that plays to could end up in embarrass- if you’re invis- and against snipers. your strengths. If you prefer to be ing collateral damage (i.e. ible, whereas 8. Try playing with a handicap on in the midst of all the action, then team kill) situations. It’s the Rocket- to really improve your skills and close-quarters weaponry such as an ideal combination launcher generally hold bragging rights. the Plasma Sword and Shotgun are when at least one of obscures Even if you lose, you could still imperative, coupled with an SMG. you is a decent sniper one-third say you were handicapped; it’s a At range, the Battle-Rifle or either – if not, at least one of your win-win situation. A handicap will sniper rifles can turn you into a god. should endeavour vi- decrease your life bar, the damage Try mixing and matching various to take the place of your weapons do as well as increas- Spartan and Covenant weapons to a sharpshooter with ing the time taken for your shield to form part of your arsenal. the other watching regenerate. 3. Learn to use each grenade your back. 9. If you screen-watch, you suck type to its strength. The frags will 5. The lock-on and should be b[efriended]. bounce a bit before exploding, al- capabilities of the 10. Have fun and don’t get upset lowing you to set up kill-zones with Plasma Sword offer when you lose. Good sportsman- good aiming. You can bounce them a bit more strategy ship is the key to getting the most around corners or into sniper hides than you’ll realise. out of multiplayer. at the union feb 23rd - march 1st WEDNESDAY 28TH FRIDAY 23RD

Inner City Drum and Bass

Carlsberg, Tetley’s & Blackthorn only £1.30 a pint! Reef Bottles alue Night only £1.75 (all flavours) t The Bestin London V

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Drum and Bass from: Nicky Blackmarket (BM Soho) Macpherson (Fabric Live) Fidel (1001 Cafe) Fight Club Bouncy Boxing Cartel (1001 Cafe) THURSDAY 1ST TUESDAY 27TH CHANCE TO PPoleole DDancingancing LLessonsessons WIN £5000

ALSO ON Fri 23rd Subred Tue 27th Telegraph Pub Quiz Wed 28th Sin City - Fight Club Bouncy Boxing Thu 1st Pole Dancing Lessons

imperialcollegeunion.org/ents Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 33

PUZZLES [email protected] Sudoku 1,374 This Week’s Isotopes

Complete the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 Scorpio (23 Oct – 21 Nov) Pisces (19 Feb – 20 Mar) Cancer (22 Jun – 22 Jul) square contains the digits 1 to 9. E-mail your solution to sudoku. [email protected] by Tuesday 9am. We will randomly select I love it when you call Wait! I ain’t done Wowzers!!!! I mean a winner to receive either a 128MB USB stick or a crate of beer. my name. I like the with you yet! I will CHAPOW! Watch out You must claim your prize within a week. sound of... lips lockin’. force you to wear a for that aubergine! I like the sound of... boiler suit filled with Oh no what’s that! hips knocking. I like shaving cream and A flying marmoset the sound of... beds pig’s snouts and then, wearing a corset from 2 5 9 1 knocking. Oh do you? Well, I like oh yes I will make you recite the Dorset! CRAZY ASS SHIZZLE the sound of babies crying, legs whole of the American Constitution ALL OVER DA PLACE! I saw a snapping, burning women and rab- backwards whilst having eighteen girl with like three heads on the TV, 1 4 8 bits frying. Have some. Chunt. pickles forced into your mouth. all of them blind! Bad luck ey? Sagittarius (22 Nov – 21 Dec) Aries (21 Mar – 20 Apr) Leo (23 Jul – 22 Aug) 3 4 8 This week we take a This week Jupiter is Maneater, make you look at the art of self hiding in your under- work hard. Make you 2 9 3 8 excavation. That is growth. There is a spend hard. Make you to say, in round about likely chance you’ll want all, of her love. terms, the process see God and/or Nelson She’s a maneater, 8 5 by which one disem- Mandela as a result make you buy cars, bowels one’s own kidneys with the of said planet rummaging around make you cut cords, make you fall, handle of a tetanus infected blunt in your love constellation. Venus fall in love. Maneater, make you 5 7 2 3 spoon. Spiritualism is the key to is smiling at you this week, but work hard, make you spend hard, enlightenment. Tango, bravo. beware for she is a dirty bint. make you want all, of her love. 5 4 6 Capricorn (22 Dec – 19 Jan) Taurus (21 Apr – 21 May) Virgo (23 Aug – 22 Sept) ...the defendant Andy “Are these your shoes Um...... 6 4 1 Sykes was found to sir?” Said the sailor...... have fhjes wskssokok “Why, yes they are, I ...... sofsbkb swmnwk and forgot all about them!” ...... 6 9 3 8 also committed an un- Said Cynthia. “You ...... holy act of anal2iogrs better watch where ...... kjnjjns nnsn on the ljdlkjal of ICU. you leave your clothes, someone ...... Solution to 1,373 Jotting pad Witness reports state wjdskncsjnn might get the wrong impression!” ...... but thankfully wldknmakjnk made He retorted. “Shut up and do me!” ...... 8 4 2 6 7 9 3 5 1 of cheese. Reports were vague. She demanded, holding a weasel. what she said. 3 9 5 8 4 1 6 7 2 1 6 7 3 5 2 8 4 9 Aquarius (20 Jan – 18 Feb) Gemini (22 May – 21 Jun) Libra (23 Sept – Oct 22) 6 5 3 2 9 4 7 1 8 7 1 8 5 6 3 9 2 4 So you’re offended by Your horoscope this Scratch and sniff! 9 2 4 1 8 7 5 3 6 these horoscopes are week isn’t that sur- (Answer below) you? Well you can fel- real. I’m sorry but 5 3 9 4 2 6 1 8 7 late all of my garden your Dalian excess 2 7 1 9 3 8 4 6 5 gnomes in a skimpy has dried up your Ma- 4 8 6 7 1 5 2 9 3 Russian outfit of my grittean exploits. No choosing. Then I will YouTube this bizarre objects will fall on you or Thanks to everyone who entered. act until everyone you walk past various animals indulge in sexual Jason Klimach, a winner is you! for 3 months tries to come on to activity with you. You should go

Keep those entries coming in! you thinking you’re an easy lay. read a book, a good book. foetus Whale Answer:

Retro Crossword 1,374 Turnip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ACROSS DOWN Hello fans of all things black, white 1 Multi-coloured knot, perhaps (7) 1 Stroke symbol, or you could and quadrilateral. The Felix office 4 Listen to pained wise-man for cross it (7) has become a bit of a manic place meat (7) 2 Animals are about right for and the ol’ guvnor has drafted me 7 8 9 7 Accident prone, due to fat on mammalian feature (7) in from my West Country retreat. hands (6-7) 3 During battle, metal is very thin It’s time for a nu-skool-retro- 10 Dark film around the South: (5) grade-fill-me-up-buttercup shiznit contradict a teacher, perhaps 4 Artificially making paper from ol’ timer crossword. 10 11 (2,3) something that sounds bad (9) This one’s back from the crazy 11 Pet meat makes saint hesitate 5 Removes clothes after jewellery, hazy days of ‘00, when I was a wee (7) perhaps, for company in tot, probably in the second year 12 Turns close to the Borders (9) malicious takeover (5-8) or something. I can’t remember. 12 13 14 14 Percentage of rodent moon (5) 6 Bag more about trade ban (7) Natch. Wasted. Ahh yeah, dem 15 Marching makes holes (5) 8 Getting tingly around about tan ales tasted good back then. We had 17 Beam from some dance sail when it’s very close (13) proper tankards too, with a hand- contains information (9) 9 Man from the Spanish/French picked piece of barley to syphon 15 16 17 18 19 20 Symbol against wine (7) sea (5) the nectar through. Except we 21 It can fly a bomber with an 13 Penny for a treaty that’s a waste didn’t spit it out again. injury (5) of time (9) Turnip 22 Aids take-off from Earth: 15 A bit of furnishing with spirit: 20 21 remaining steady (6-7) that’s proper behaviour (7) 23 Fly someone from the Eastern 16 Smiling orator has the gab (5) Solution to Crossword 1,373 bloc for a coloured stick (7) 18 What king did sounds wet (7) E L E P H A N T N C W L V A A 24 Incline head to University from 19 Artisan might be talking S E H A B M R U S U R P E R S 22 state that is bumpty (7) bollock? (5) F O O T W E A R L R T C N R S 21 Edible philosopher (5) B T R H U N L N U M E R A T E N A R E I N S I S U R E C R S P R O T O T Y P E D V O A T S 23 24 S D I I N R D S T G A U V M O P S Y C H I C I C E N T A U R O E E D S P A A H O L E O P F Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page L E A P A L U M I N O S I T Y down to the Felix office in the West Wing of Beit Quad by Tuesday 9am. Y T R S E E E M P I R T T U S Each week, we’ll choose a winner and print their name, thus providing M A N D I B L E N A O I A R H them with almost unlimited willy waving capability. Everyone who pro- A A I U A O O T O X I C A N T vides us with a correct solution will get an entry into our prize draw T E N P E N C E O E S L K E V at the end of the year. This week’s winner is Emma Thompson. H N G S U D E R E D H E A D S 34 felix Friday 23 February 2007 Clubs&Societies

Helping build bridges in Malawi

Naomi Bessey and discussed plans with senior officials was done through the four elected purchased locally however a track cleared the site, making sure eve- Daniel Carrivick from the National Park headquar- chiefs of constituent areas, via had to be cleared before they could rything was safe and secure, ready ters, and with Tommy Mhango, the the National Parks chief resident be reached. Seven truck-loads of for the team’s return in a year’s Nyika Parks director. These meet- scout at Uledi Camp. Impromptu bricks were required to move more time to finish the bridge. After several setbacks at the start ings confirmed full government progress meetings, which were at- than 6000 bricks which were used The team is currently organis- of the expedition, this determined support for the bridge, which was tended by the chiefs, park staff and for the towers. All supplies brought ing this year’s expedition which five-person expedition team from emphasised as vital in order for Ul- the team, were held on site when in by truck had to be manhandled will complete the construction of Imperial College worked tirelessly edi to become a fully functional and issues arose. A total of forty-five from the road end at Uledi Camp the bridge and undertake neces- to construct a foot bridge across effective anti-poaching scout camp workers were employed at local down to the site and across the riv- sary bank protection work. The the North Rukuru River near Ul- during the rainy season. Some park rates clocking up some 4800 man- er as necessary. team still needs a few more people edi in Malawi. Despite cautious staff had initial reservations over hours between them. Feedback Two 4.4m high mixed masonry- to help them carry out this work in estimates, the bridge span turned the community sharing owner- from those employed was generally reinforced concrete towers, with Malawi from the 1st July to the 2nd out to be greater than anticipated, ship of the bridge. However while good though the work was harder 1m deep foundations were built August 2007. So if you are interested which forced major design changes there, team members persuaded than many had anticipated. This together with two anchor blocks in joining the expedition, please get and added logistical complications. them this was in their best interest resulted in a 25% pay rise to keep each made from 6m¬3 of bulk fill in touch immediately – the team is Nevertheless, an original conserva- in terms of looking after and main- them happy. Several workers suf- reinforced cement concrete. The particularly keen to hear from any- tive schedule along with working taining the bridge. Senior officials fered from minor aches, strains, free span between the two tow- one with a civil engineering back- dawn till dusk seven days a week agreed, and now the community cuts and bruises, with injured ers is 36.7m, with a total super- ground or knowledge. Email daniel. meant the bridge superstructure will have joint ownership status of feet being the most common. The structure span of some 60m while [email protected] was completed within time and on the bridge with the government. team ensured all were attended the height of the towers allows The Imperial College Building budget. Unfortunately, due to the The team went out with a very to, though other than the cleaning for 1.6m freeboard above highest Bridges 2006 expedition was only delivery of steel cable being fraught flexible design centred on a sus- of wounds, most of the first aid was known flood levels. Also fabricated made possible through the support with delays, the bridge was unable pended type footbridge with mason- carried out more for psychological were the 0.7m wide timber-decking given initially by Imperial College to be completed. A return next year ry towers, concrete anchorage and benefit than by necessity. units, made from termite resistant Exploration Committee and subse- is envisaged to finish the project. a span of up to 30m which, based Materials were sourced locally blue-gum wood. These are easily quently by many other individuals, The team was forced to stay in on information available, was very where possible and hence the ma- replaceable due to their simple de- organisations, companies and trust Lilongwe longer than planned as conservative. However initial sur- jority of the workforce was em- sign, and since wood was supplied funds. The team expresses their they waited for their luggage, which veys revealed only one possible site ployed to extract and carry rocks, from the National Parks saw mill at sincere thanks for all these con- had gone astray on their outbound for the bridge, with a span of 37m gravel and sand up or down river Chelinda. tributions for without this support flight. Then when travelling north, and flood debris a metre higher to the site. Only ten people were With the concreting complete, the expedition would not have been the team’s progress was halted by than previously thought. Thus ma- needed at any one time for the ac- it was left to cure and a four day possible. a drunk man who ran out in front jor design adaptations were neces- tual excavation and construction round trip was embarked upon to of their truck. The team assisted sary in order to make construction work. Mzuzu was the nearest town Lilongwe to collect the steel cables. If you would like more informa- where they could but sadly the possible. where cement and steel could be However the consignment was still tion about organising your own casualty died that night from his The community displayed an ob- bought, which involved a three day stuck in Europe somewhere as all expedition please visit www.im- injuries. The police were informed vious enthusiasm for the bridge; round trip. Three journeys were freight had been removed from the perial.ac.uk/expeditions. Specific and formalities dealt with before this being motivated significantly made due to the volume and weight plane to make room for urgently questions should be directed to the team could continue. by the prospect of paid work. All of cement required and the load required school exam papers. the ICU Exploration Society, email Members of the team met and communication with the villagers capacity of our truck. Bricks were With nothing more to do, the team [email protected] Friday 23 February 2007 felix 35

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] ICU Dance Company win again!

Lara West all four pieces looked amazing and the dancers all did Imperial proud! What a weekend, night, days of re- Hildur, Francesca, Wei Li and Sarah hearsals we have had! Everyone Winstanley had once again showed with ICU Dance Company has been their talents as choreographers working really hard towards our and the dancers held their own and performances and competitions really owned that stage. that February had in store. By far We proudly retained the contem- our busiest weekend has just gone porary title, and added to the col- by! lection by winning jazz with prob- In the week running up we took an ably the cheesiest piece of dancing active part in ArtsFest in both the ever seen, but we did love dancing dance marathon on the Wednesday it! With our heads held high and afternoon and 27 of our dancers in our smiles still cheesy we hit Edin- the Finale Concert on the Friday burgh for the celebrations. night. At an amazing little Mexican res- In a piece choreographed by taurant we ate, drank, sang and Hildur Einarsdottir, Francesca some danced (I am thinking Louisa Garrard and Wei Li Cheah, three and Colin here) the night away to styles of dancing, tap, ballet and the tuneful sounds of our very own contemporary were brought to- backing singers Sarah, Alvaro and gether in one dance. The fusion of Kathy, also known as New Kids on three styles created a visually stun- the Block. ning piece, using dancers of all abil- Some special dancing inspired ities to truly demonstrate the talent by our favourite superhero Spider- within Dance Company. man was probably the highlight of A trip by 26 of us the same week- the night! The next morning we all end up to Edinburgh (there is no headed back down south to once time difference Louisa, and yes Ay- again join the masses of London, ish your phone doesn’t require in- thankfully Louisa didn’t need to ternational roaming) started on the change her watch, Ayish could once Friday night with the long journey again use her phone and London up north! was once again safe now Spider- Edinburgh University Modern man was back in town. Dance Society run a competition at It was an amazing weekend for the Pleasance Theatre every year, everyone in Dance Company both this year we had entries in jazz, tap, ArtsFest and Edinburgh crew alike, ballet and we were proudly defend- and with more performances lined ing our contemporary title from up in the next few weeks the fun is 2006. sure to continue! A massive thank In beautiful costumes that both you to all the dancers I hope you Chiara and Lily had slaved over, all had as much fun as I did and including the sexy big black pants, bring on Edinburgh 2008, we will be we took to the stage in style and back! The ICU Dance Company looking mightily pleased with themselves Imperial College Winds are “talk of the town”

Lucy Smith audience filling the entire church giving a real buzz to the evening. The programme featured an ec- Imperial College Winds, now in lectic selection of pieces, including its tenth year, is a non-audition Symphonic Marches by John Wil- group of wind, brass and percus- liams, Second Suite for Wind Band sion players who like to play for by Gustav Holst and the band’s cur- fun, enjoyment and sociability. Our rent favourite film score Chicken repertoire includes a wide range of Run by Powell/Gregson-Williams. styles from traditional English folk The concert has since been the music, to modern film scores – in- talk-of-the-town amongst the local cluding Jurassic Park, James Bond people in Bampton and the band is and Star Wars – to suites from West invited back next year to perform End musicals, with just about eve- again. The band greatly enjoyed rything in between! performing in a new venue and For the last three years we have were given such excellent hospital- had the pleasure of being con- ity, so will look forward to a return ducted by Gilly French. Gilly is an visit next year! acclaimed conductor and joint ar- Imperial College Winds has been tistic director of Bampton Classi- the catalyst for the formation of two cal Opera, a small company with a new groups at Imperial College – a national reputation for its revivals clarinet quartet and a flute quartet of rarely-heard eighteenth century – both of these quartets performed opera. at St Mary’s church playing two The band usually has two end-of- contrasting pieces. The flute quar- term concerts a year, at Christmas tet performed The Blue Danube and Easter, one particularly memo- by Johann Strauss and the clarinet rable concert being an impromptu quartet performed Cinerama by outdoor concert performed be- James Rae. neath the Queen’s Tower on a cold This term has also seen Imperial December lunchtime! College Winds giving its usual con- This term has seen Imperial Col- tribution to the hugely popular Arts- lege Winds playing in our first con- Fest 2007. Performances included a The IC Windband jamming in a recent concert cert outside Imperial. The band joint concert with Contraband and travelled to Bampton in Oxford- also a slot in the prestigious Grand shire, the home town of our conduc- Finale concert. On the other hand, seasoned or- – also have fun playing with us! to 8pm on Tuesday evenings, or tor, for a fund-raising concert in St The band welcomes musicians of chestral players who often forget So, if you like the sound of Impe- contact our chair Richard Jones at Mary’s church, which raised over all standards and abilities. If you’re just how challenging and rewarding rial College Winds then why not join [email protected]. £600 for reparations to the church a new, returning, or ‘occasional’ playing in a wind band can be – a us? Simply come along to one of our Or come along to our end of term roof. The concert was a great suc- player (ie once a week at rehears- real test of skill and stamina with- rehearsals, which take place in the concert on Wednesday March 21st cess with the hugely appreciative als!) then we’re the band for you! out a string section to back you up Great Hall or Ante Room, from 6pm 2007 in the Union Concert Hall. 36 felix Friday 23 February 2007

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Change today, choose Fairtrade! With the upcoming Fairtrade Fortnight, Felix asks why should Imperial College be getting involved?

Kirsty Patterson with an interest in Fairtrade is wel- Becoming a Fairtrade University Clubs and Societies Editor come to come along to support the will increase the reputation of Im- paper. perial College and make the institu- This year is the first year that the Fairtrade Fortnight is an annual tion more appealing to prospective Imperial College Fairtrade Society event endorsed by the Fairtrade students and staff alike. has been officially recognised by Foundation. The events, held in The objectives that we must meet Imperial College Union after receiv- thousands of universities, towns, to be awarded this status will also ing the Student Campaign Group of schools and places of worship in result in increased choice across the Year Award last year from the the UK and Ireland, aim to raise campus with a wider range of prod- University of London Union. the awareness of Fairtrade Prod- ucts on offer alongside those which As a result the drive for Fair- ucts and the benefits they bring to are Fairtrade Certified. trade has really stepped up on their producers throughout the en- Too often people’s knowledge of campus with College Catering tire world. Fairtrade extends no further than leading the way to a remarkable It is an opportunity for people the mundane cup of coffee and the change-around. who are unaware of the movement, stereotypical banana. Back in 2004, when the Fairtrade or sceptical of its achievements, to This Fairtrade Fortnight I have University policy was passed at find out more about how Fairtrade tried to put an emphasis on the Union Council, we were still in a works and operates. wide range of products available position which lacked the College’s This year’s theme is ‘Change to- which step beyond your standard backing and needed lobbying of col- day, Choose Fairtrade’ and with the consumables. lege catering to support the Stu- wide variety of products on offer, There will be an opportunity to dent Union in their commitment to it really never has been easier to hear first hand how Fairtrade has Fairtrade. choose Fairtrade. helped two coffee growers from Now the opposite is true, with As a forerunner in scientific re- Nigeria; a chance to kick around College publicly stating its com- search I believe that Imperial Col- a Fairtrade Football and even mitment to becoming a Fairtrade lege has a responsibility to promote fair trade knickers on sale at our Institution and actively sourcing matters of social and environmen- bazaar! more and more Fairtrade Alterna- tal responsibility to its students. I hope that this serves as an in- tives whilst the Union falls by the Presenting our students with a sight into the scope of this rapidly wayside. clear message on ethical and envi- expanding business initiative and This policy is currently under re- ronmental standards will influence brings Fairtrade right into the view and will be presented to Union Imperial Graduates to expect these spotlight. Council on 1st March, to coincide standards in the work place and on There really is something for eve- with Fairtrade Fortnight. Anybody the wider global market. ryone. Enjoy! The Fairtrade Fortnight calendar

Date: Monday 26th February Date: Saturday 3rd March Event: Coffee that helps you sleep at night! Event: Beit Hall Bakeoff Time: 12:00pm – 2:00pm Time: 11:00am – 3:00pm Location: Sherfield Walkway Location: Beit Hall Find us on the Sherfield Walkway serving free samples of Fairtrade tea and coffee Teams of Beit Hall Residents are invited to use Fairtrade ingredients to make a baked item. throughout lunchtime. There will also be copies of the book 50 reasons to choose Fair- Fairtrade Ingredients will be provided (chocolate, coffee, bananas, sugar, honey etc) and trade on sale alongside tickets for the Wine Evening and a chance to win a Fairtrade the winning entry will receive four free tickets to the Fairtrade Wine evening in addition to hamper! having their winning creation recreated for a week in the MDH. All entries will be submit- ted to the Fairtrade Foundations first cookbook, to be published next year as part of ‘Cook Date: Tuesday 27th February for Change’. Contact [email protected] for more information. Event: Fairtrade Coffee Morning Time: 10:00 am - 12:00pm Date:Tuesday 6th March Location: Ante Room Event: Coffee that helps you sleep at night! A chance to taste Fairtrade tea, coffee and various cakes and snacks kindly donated by Time: 12:00pm – 2:00pm PEROS whilst chatting to Fairtrade coffee growers and tasters Robert Ejiku and Fatima Location: SAF Foyer Lopez. Film footage will be shown courtesy of Alex Georgiou from Cafedirect. Find us in the Sir Alexander Fleming Building serving free samples of Fairtrade tea and coffee throughout lunchtime. There will also be copies of the book 50 reasons to choose Date: Tuesday 27th February Fairtrade on sale alongside tickets for the Wine Evening and a chance to win a Fairtrade Event: “How Fair is Fair?” hamper! Time: 12:00 - 13:30 Location: Ante Room Date: Tuesday 6th March Guest speakers will be answering all of your questions, with Fatima Lopez, Head Cof- Event: Fairtrade Debate fee Taster at Prodecoop, Nicaragua; Robert Ekiku, Group Manager – Igara Growers Tea Time: Evening Factory, Bushenyi, Uganda; Martin Hill, Head of Commercial Relations at The Fairtrade Biology Lecture Theatre, SAF Foundation; Jane Neary, Head of Catering, Imperial College; Kirsty Patterson, Fairtrade Description: Debate hosted by MedSin with speakers from Traidcraft. Society Chair, Imperial College Union; Adrian O’Hare, Peros Ltd and Louise Whittaker, Trade Marketing Manager. Date: Wednesday 7th March Event: Fairtrade Beat the Goalie Competition Date: Wednesday 28th February Time: 12:00pm-2:00pm Event: Fairtrade Beat the Goalie Competition Location: Beit Quad Time: 12:00pm-2:00pm With ‘celebrity’ goal keepers including Jon Matthews and Stephen Brown, students will Location: Beit Quad be invited to pay 50p to shoot three penalties. The football and goalie gloves are made With ‘celebrity’ goal keepers including Jon Matthews and Stephen Brown, students will from Fairtrade materials. Prizes will be up for grabs including Fairtrade chocolate footballs, be invited to pay 50p to shoot three penalties. The football and goalie gloves are made Fairtrade mugs and tickets for the Fairtrade Cheese and Wine Evening. from Fairtrade materials. Prizes will be up for grabs including Fairtrade chocolate foot- balls, Fairtrade mugs and tickets for the Fairtrade Cheese and Wine Evening. Date: Friday 9th March Event: Fairtrade Cheese and Wine Evening Date: Thursday 1st March Time: 8:00pm - 11:00pm Event: Fair Trade Bazaar Location: Physics Level 8 Common Room Time: 12:00pm-4:00pm Tickets: £4 non members/£2 members Location: UDH Final Party! 100 free bottles of Fairtrade Wine from Traidcraft and cheese provided by the Various stalls selling Fairtrade products from knickers to gemstones, from books to Cheese Society. Smart-casual evening with live music and free One Water donated by recycled games, from jewellery to coffee and from tshirts to home furnishings. Free PEROS. coffee and nibbles will be available from the Fairtrade Society stall, kindly donated by ecocoffee. Email [email protected] if you have any questions. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 37

CLUBS & SOCIETIES [email protected] Debauchery and debate in Bremen

Edmund Hunt hostel room we had been given near Europe that is still very much a the university. crime). Till knew this topic well, Debating society made its first for- In the morning we were (helpful- and I devised an interesting angle ay into foreign lands on the first of ly?) encouraged out of bed at 745am about the role of martyrdom in fas- this month, as it boarded a Luton by the rather insistent Germanic cist ideology, so we put in a solid easyJet flight to Bremen, Germany. tones of a volunteer. After a curious performance. Later on that day all We sent two teams (A: Till Stenzel breakfast of salami and strawberry the competitors made their way to & Edmund Hunt, B: Aneurin Young jam the bleary-eyed contestants as- the downtown Bremen concert hall, & Adrienne De Souza) and one sembled in the main meeting room. ‘Die Glocke’, for the final. We were judge (Hannah Gray) to the debat- Imperial A came across a non-start- confident that we’d done well, and ing tournament of International er in trying to propose a motion lim- sure enough, when the final break University Bremen, IUB Open 2007. iting the number of foreign players was announced, Imperial A was I happily hasten to add that the in domestic club football. We came called up to the front of the impos- whole tournament was conducted fourth. Somewhat dejected, we ing hall. As in the semis, we picked in English, as are most modern Eu- steeled ourselves for the final two the position we were to argue out of ropean competitions. I don’t think rounds. These were ‘closed adju- a hat. With a rather grim look on his my GCSE German would have been dication’, so we were not to be told face, Till drew out first proposition, up to much, alas. their outcome until the final ‘break’ and we were to be at the whim of As fortune would have it, my of those teams with enough points the motion: I confess that generally, team mate Till was actually from to reach the semi-finals was an- it is easier to oppose an idea than Bremen. Therefore, when we ar- nounced in the evening. But goaded argue its case. Sent outside of the rived we were picked up from the into passion our analysis and rheto- packed hall into the foyer, we were airport by his ever-helpful mother, ric reached new heights in motions handed the motion on a folded piece to spend the first night at his house. about NATO intervention in the Su- of paper. “THW Put the Children of In the morning we had a quick tour dan and preventing the developing Long Term Unemployed Parents around the beautiful old city, host world from using nuclear power. up for Adoption”. Oh dear. In a trun- of much history. As we would do Amusingly, Imperial A met B in cated 15 minutes prep time (we’d for the whole tour, we ate generous that final round, and the outcome been promised 25), we did our best amounts of fortifying German food, was left temporarily ambiguous. to dream up reasons why this was before arriving at the IUB around Treated to a novel pancake dinner a good idea. Called into the hall, 5pm for registration. The IUB is a aboard an old sailing ship docked in up onto a spot-lit stage, Till gave rare thing in Germany (Europe, in- one of Bremen’s rivers, we then ar- it his best shot, and I followed up deed): a privately built and funded rived at the big Saturday night party. with a plea to ‘unplug children from university. There was thus a char- Perhaps it was just nervous antici- these failing social networks’. Un- acteristic free-spirited attitude pation of the break announcement, derstandably however, the public from the competition’s organisers but it was one of the best parties I’d audience wasn’t terribly sympa- and students. As it happened, the been to for a long time. Those Ger- thetic, giving warm applause to an Open’s tagline was ‘Total Debauch- mans certainly know their techno- opposition speaker who likened it ery: Reloaded’. This promise would cheese. With whoops of delight to ethnic cleansing (yawn!). Still, I become increasingly fulfilled as the from Imperial A, we learnt at 1am felt we’d done a decent job with a rounds progressed. that we’d broken fourth out of 50 difficult motion. However, the win, As is usual at IVs, we waited an teams, comfortably into the semi- when announced, went to first op- inordinate amount of time as late- finals. Hannah too ‘broke’ as one of position. They’d done well in previ- comers arrived and the hapless the semi-final judges, impressing ous rounds, and I suspect the judg- tech-support chap fiddled with the the convenor with her thoughtful es felt they deserved it for a good uncooperative PowerPoint technol- Ed and Till prepare for 1st Round decisions. Sensibly chickening out overall performance. ogy. But eventually the first motion of contention for the ‘last man at But there you have it: we still was announced (THW Privatise the bar award’, we left to catch an- made it to the final, which was a All Universities) and we sprang intense, rapidly shifting arguments late start, we were debating until other six hours’ sleep. first-time for both me and Till (and into action. I should add at this in the debate itself. This was all about 1230 at night. Imperial B had Now things became a little more Imperial itself, perhaps?) Nothing point that IVs are utterly exhaust- the more heightened as speeches a first and a second, so at the end serious. The semis and final were can compare to the experience of ing. This is because they consist of were to be seven minutes of length, of the first night we were all in high open to a public audience, and so debating in front of a diverse public protracted periods of stressful wait- rather than the usual five you find spirits. As promised, we went on to when, at 11am the Sunday morn- audience: it really is elating. On my ing between rounds, heightened in other IVs. After a slightly weak the IUB student bar for free beer: ing, the semi-final motion was an- protracted journey back to NW10, I anticipation as the next motion is win in the first round, me and Till Becks is brewed in Bremen, so we nounced, the stakes were higher. felt pleased that we’d positively put announced, frantic brainstorming went on trounce our opponents in were drinking its various forms for Fortune smiled upon Imperial A Imperial’s name into the public eye. and discussion with your partner the second, debating a classic mo- the duration. Taking the coward’s however, and we were second prop Well done, ICU debating: here’s during the 15 minutes prep time be- tion in the legalisation of bestiality. way out – an early night – we left for a motion legalising holocaust hoping for many more successes to fore the debate, and a solid hour of This despite the fact that, due to a at 2am to wander over to the youth denial (in Germany and much of come. London International Model United Nations

Li Teck Lau teemed ambassador resigned from respite from all the imaginary vio- civil service in 2005. lence and disasters sprouting up London International Model Unit- Nine committees of the UN were during the weekend, and was the ed Nations (LIMUN) arrived on simulated over the three day mara- scene of intercultural dancing and Friday. For the second year run- thon that totalled fifteen-and-a-half binge drinking. ‘Is this the way to ning, the event in which students hours of debate, discussion and Amarillo’ translated well into the from universities all over the world lobbying on topics ranging from hu- variety of languages and nationali- gather to debate significant inter- man trafficking, to water politics, to ties in the mingle, and friendships national issues, was held at Impe- the prosecution of Jospeh Kony, to were sealed after participants ex- rial College. the situation in Israel and Palestine. changed facebook IDs. The hoard of eager students de- The security council was subjected Many volunteers from Imperial scended on the opening ceremony to a fictional crisis in Lebanon, in College took part in the organising on the afternoon of February 16th, which the militant Islamic group of LIMUN 2007. ICMUN’s Michael held in the historic surroundings of Hezbollah staged a coup. Soon Such and Sheena Shah formed Westminster Central Hall; venue for enough, Israel was launching ‘sur- part of the secretariat, whilst Terry the first-ever conference in 1946. gical strikes’ on suspected Iranian Wong, Xiaoyun Lee, Livia Lai, Mus- After introductions by King’s nuclear sites in retaliation to the tafa, Dincer and numerous others College organisers Ryan Soo and shooting down of their foreign min- provided technical support, guid- Jehan Karim amidst delayed ap- ister’s plane. ance to the college and administra- plause, Sir Kieran Prendergast Luckily enough, the situation was tive aid in the form of printing lots. took to the stage, delivering the defused when a consensus was Imperial’s Model UN has meet- keynote speech. He spoke with the reached to disarm Israel and call ings most Mondays, and presents usual admiration for people under for a ceasefire across the whole a friendly atmosphere in which to thirty years old taking interest in Middle East region. learn more about how the interna- the United Nations, and made some Saturday night’s social event tional community functions, and a poignant insights into the conflict aboard the HMS Belfast, moored proactive environment in which to in Iraq, the issue over which the es- near Tower Bridge, was a welcome practise oratory skills. The LIMUN debate was held at IC for the second year running 38 felix Friday 23 February 2007

SPORT [email protected] Rugger football of the female kind

scores. Olga scored her virgin try Women’s Rugby for the team, following an off-load Middlesex 19 from Courtney, leading to yet an- ICUWRFC 42 other try between the posts. No- table moments during the match were when Middlesex attempted to score a drop goal, and thought they Samantha Pemberton were successful, only to be remind- ed by the ref that a drop-goal has to This was a home game for us, be a drop-kick, not a punt! but as all 3 boys teams were also Middlesex were very fowl- playing at home, we played at the mouthed and swore at the ref a Medic’s ground in Teddington. The number of times – apparently ref society refused to appoint us a nearly every player they had on the referee on the basis that Middlesex pitch was a qualified ref and ‘they had only turned up with 10 players know all the rules’ which quite the week before. This turned out clearly was not the case, especially to be the case again, but due to so shown by their attempt at a ‘drop’ many injuries in our squad at the goal! The Virgins played very well moment, we were also only capable in this match and were very good at of fielding 10 players. supporting each other to allow the The tug-o-war match suddenly went wildly out of control So it worked out well in the end, game to flow quite smoothly, how- meaning that neither team had ever we need to work on our ball- to concede and we played for the handling skills after the number the all-clear by doctors to play again our kick, and we hit back at them to a succession of tries being run in points. Our coach, John Sykes, of knock-on’s in the game!! Well following hand surgery back in De- hard. Within 5 minutes however, by UCL, with a series of successful agreed to referee for us, had it not played by everyone, and special cember. UCL remain unbeaten in full back Jess was on the ground in conversions. been for him we would have been welcome to Megan who played with BUSA and unfortunately, try as we pain, complaining of neck/ shoulder I have to say how well we man- lacking a rather important element us for the first time this season. might, we were unable to change pain. The medics of the team took aged to pull it back together and en- of the game! 10-a-side and uncon- this. The game started off well, charge (Serena and Bonnie in par- joy the last 10 minutes of the game tested scrums meant that we put with both sides looking relatively ticular) and decided not to take any to finish on a high, knowing we had the very tiny winger Cheryl in as well-matched. chances with pain in this area and fought back after everything that second row, allowing us a speedy Women’s Rugby Within the first 20 minutes, 3 tries called for an ambulance. had happened. pack of forwards. UCL 51 had been scored, 2 for UCL and 1 for It took half an hour for the para- Two more players spent the The match went well for us ICUWRFC 5 us. No conversions left the score at medics to sort Jess out and take evening in A&E: myself, after re- – Courtney scored 5 of our 6 tries, 10-5 and gave the Virgins hope that her off to hospital, which left both breaking my finger, and Lucy with each time by breaking through Mid- maybe this could be pulled out of teams starting to cool off and anx- a potential concussion. However, dlesex’s line of defence and touch- Well an interesting and somewhat the hat. As the whistle blew for ious to finish the game. At the whis- all players are on the mend with no ing down under the posts, and Rox- different game this certainly was! I half time, the score was 22-5 but tle to re-start, the Virgins had lost serious outcomes. All in all not the anne served us well by converting myself was very much looking for- all was by no means lost. The sec- spirit and found it very difficult to best of games but experience none every try scored, bumping up the ward to this day, after being given ond half of the game started with get back into the game. This lead the less! IC Women’s Hockey – some stay in, some go out

of the best hockey of the season, clearly the position rearrangement put to Fi by Dasha and Alice was paying off with Bella and Melissa fitting into their new roles on the wing brilliantly with Mala in the middle. There were numerous IC shots on goal, with Amanda and Dasha having chances but it took about 20 minutes before Melissa scored the opener from a well struck ball from Bella. St Georges picked up the pace and made the defence had to work hard, I don’t think Fi has done so much running all season. However it all went a bit wrong on a long corner and St Georges scored an equaliser just before half time. The half time talk was inspiration- al from Shiv, but the St Georges one must have been better as they came out with a vengeance. Something in the IC tactics had gone wrong with people all out of position, however the defence were great in the at- You, my dear, whoever you are have absolutely splendid legs and if I look hard enough whilst tilting my head, I can just see up your skirt tempts to stop the opposition. Alice did some fantastic defending on the left and Sheena was great in the College Hockey Club who were also managed to equalise, taking advan- middle coping with their best play- ULU Women’s Hockey playing. tage of a dismal five minutes by IC, ULU Women’s Hockey er. However no matter how much Challenge Cup Quarter Final (Most were a bit worse for the and of Kebab’s first goal – in the Reserve Cup Quarter Final shouting from the sweeper/goalie/ IC 1st XI 6 wear from the previous night’s she- wrong end of the pitch! IC 2nd XI 1 coach mattered as St Georges got a LSE 1st XI 2 nanigans at a certain West London Definitely some fineage for that St George’s 2nd XI 2 break and scored another. pub.) on Wednesday. The last 10 minutes were once IC went in feeling confident – de- Luckily IC struck it lucky and again great hockey from IC as play Jack Cornish spite some disappointing results, scored from a penalty corner at So after only a few hours sleep as was being so well switched across form is improving, and as the ULU a strategic point – just before half the pre-match early bedtime had the back to Ellie and up the right Half past nine is far too early to Cup defending champions, they time. been violated by being in the Goose to Bella and Dasha who had more meet at the union on a Sunday were definitely the stronger side Captain Moony’s motivational til closing, 11 valiant ladies made it than their fair share of the play. morning, but IC Ladies 1st Hockey going in. talk did its trick at half time, and to Harlington in the freezing cold. No matter how hard IC tried they Team are all dedicated athletes, so This became obvious in the first IC went in to the second half full of For once our coach bothered com- just couldn’t score that equaliser at the crack of dawn last Sunday 10 minutes, with two quick goals, energy. LSE never looked like scor- ing to a match and even made us and so the final whistle went with they headed off to Fortress Har- destroying LSE’s confidence. ing again, and IC finished off by de- warm up properly, with drills and IC being defeated and not making lington, along with a healthy con- The rest of the first half was fairly stroying them – 6-2, including a hat- such like! The game got off to a fan- it to the final for the first time in tingent from the rest of Imperial quiet until disaster struck and LSE trick by Moony. Well played! tastic start with IC playing some years. Friday 23 February 2007 felix 39

SPORT [email protected] The Bottle Match is on its way

MASSIVE JAZZ HANDS

Daniel Hill The Bottle Match is an annual and women’s), hockey (men’s and RSM are hoping it will stay by ex- match at 2pm. On the Friday the RSM Sports officer event between the RSM and the women’s), football, golf and squash. tending their dominance to over a golf and squash will be played. The Camborne School of Mines (CSM). The rugby match is the clash which decade! players’ dinner is to be held in the The Bottle Match, A tradition that The Bottle Match has been tak- wins the much coveted 3ft Bass- This year the Bottle Match is SCR on campus with the after party dates back to 1902. A day of Sport! ing place for 105 years making it Charrington beer bottle stolen in taking place at Harlington Sports being held in the Union Bar and Drinking! And rivalry! A date that the second oldest varsity match in true RSM fashion by students in Ground on the last Saturday of the Da’Vincis. It would be great to see should be marked in every Royal Britain! 1946. month. Matches start with women’s as many people as possible cheer- Miner’s calendar, the 23rd & 24th Students from the rival schools For the last 10 years it has lived hockey at 9am and finish off with ing on the RSM in this day of truly February. go head to head in rugby (men’s behind the union bar where the the much anticipated men’s rugby passionate rivalry! GKT get knocked of the park and sent packing

ULU Men’s Hockey Challenge Cup Quarter Final IC 1st XI 6 GKT 1st XI 2

Jack Cornish

With spirits high from the convinc- ing victory against the medic scum it was time to kick some more ass! Having watched an inspiring per- formance from the Ladies, the Men were certainly in the right state of mind for some more medic bash- ing...this time in the ULU cup in which IC dominate year in, year out... With Batty skiing, Jumanji flying and the Rat seeing his Desire, it was chance for Stumpy and Sid to join in the current goal frenzy that is IC mens 1s! KCLMS (GKT) got off to a ropey start with only 8 players and no keepers kit. After the umpires “consulted” their rule book they “I told you once, I told you twice young man – that stick is not an instrument to rain down furious blows of death upon thine enemy!” decided that it was time to get this game started, much to the bemusement of the GKT kev-ball- ered his troops and marched on liant home crowd the IC onslaught midfield took even better tackling idends for IC as the GKT defence ing captain. Fortunately for GKT into battle. was underway. GKT, having mus- from the IC centre-back partner- started to feel the strain. Goals the missing medics weren’t long A tactical decision to change ends tered a full team showed that they ship of Foetus and Shipman. Good started to flow and after a couple behind and attempted to warm up. left the opposition floundering, and were not going to be walked over movement up-front and a lot of of attacking short corners IC were Wasting no time, Harvester gath- with the massive of support of bril- and some good individual skill in running from the midfield paid div- on top. CROSSWORD SUDOKU Sport page 33 Ice-ice-(hockey-hockey)-baby-baby

Ice Hockey IC Devils 10 ULU Dragons B 1

Following an impressive perform- ance and narrow loss to the expe- rienced Cambridge Eskimos two weeks earlier, the IC Devils were prepared to unleash a hellish fury upon their next victims and secure their first win of the season. The unsuspecting team happened to be our arch-enemy: the University of London Dragons. This local derby is always a closely fought game with the previous encounter result- ing in an 11-0 victory for IC. This year, with probably the strongest squad to date, we were confident of coming away with another big win. The pre-game tension was as high as ever and we gladly accepted ULUs request to play full checking and ensure a colourful match. We arrived at Alexandra Palace with three full lines and two goal- I’m confused, where is the car? tenders to find a very large mixed ULU B team waiting for us. So large in fact, that there was only just space on the game record sheet for all of them. After our fear-inducing roar of “separate the man from the puck” the match got underway and IC skated fiercely from the start. We kept the ULU Dragons pinned in their end of the ice and tested their keeper. It was clear that she was struggling to hold onto our shots and there were numerous chances on the rebound. Chris Swearengin Apparently these boys are devils; from this angle they look really rather sweet. Apologies for the Vanilla Ice title finally gave us something to show for our work and opened the scor- ing with an unassisted goal mid way goal in the 2nd period while adding gloves and throw a punch. This dis- in this final period and secured us the match Chris Swearengin (on through the first period. We contin- one of their own despite solid goal- play of passion resulted in him leav- a 10-1 victory. loan from the University of Minne- ued to dominate ULU throughout tending from Mark McGillivray. ing the ice to join the large crowd Despite the one-sidedness of the sota) who scored two hat-tricks. We the first 20 minutes and finished the Meanwhile the referee was kept busy of supporters watching the match final score, ULU fought for every wish him luck now he has returned period up 4-0. This was thanks to with both teams making full use of from the stands. Our opponents did puck right to the end and kept the to the US. another almost effortless goal from the agreed full checking. A general manage to break out of their end a eight strong crowd of supporters on The Imperial Devils train on Swearengin and one each for play- lack of checking know-how and the few times but solid defensive play the edge of their seats. The rematch Wednesday evenings and welcome er-coach Vince “old school” Miller new “zero tolerance” rules resulted and goal keeping from Ruth Cat- this term promises to be just as ex- both experienced players and be- and former president Ed Grant. in numerous penalties awarded to tell in the 3rd period kept them off citing but perhaps less physical fol- ginners. See www.imperialdevils. The Dragon’s scaly armour had both sides. A particularly bad check the score board. Grant, Miller and lowing a post-match plea from the co.uk or contact Paul Gilmartin been compromised but she wasn’t to the head from the ULU number Swearengin put a total of five more referee. Special thanks go to Tom at [email protected] for finished yet. ULU held IC to a single 77 on Miller forced him to drop his pucks past the rookie ULU keeper Bell for time keeping and player of more information. Nick Steel

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