Clubs & Societies Arts Guns, glory and The Imperial high-pressure gas fashion in AirSoft collection

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Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year

No. 1,363 • Friday • 10 November 2006 • ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk Ex-editor wins The complete Guardian award cost of NUS affiliation Andy Sykes awarding powers separate from the Extra discount. Editor-in-chief University of London (UL), it will Mr Collins stressed that the even- still have students on degrees affili- tual departure from ULU would The financial arrangements sur- ated with UL, and therefore must pay for the NUS affiliation fee, and rounding the NUS affiliation fee and continue to pay a fee to ULU to use cover the loss made in the hypo- the legacy of leaving the University the services they provide. thetical first two years of NUS af- of London Union (ULU) were re- The figures reveal that the first filiation. As the ULU affiliation fee vealed this week. year cost of the NUS affiliation fee decreases over time, the NUS af- The sabbs were briefed about the is predicted to be £35,000, and that filiation will increase to the cap of possible cost projections a week the fee paid to ULU will be £78,000. £52,000, likely to be reached within ago, but were told that the infor- As College pays this fee directly to three years. Assuming all students mation was to be kept confidential, ULU, that will leave the Union need- at the College currently on UL de- as “it concerned an ongoing ne- ing to find £35,000 to cover the NUS grees will have completed these gotiation between two, if you like, fee. Whether or not the College will within five years, Felix’s back-of-an- corporate identities,” in the words step in to help carry this financial envelope calculations suggest that of Jon Matthews, Deputy President burden is not clear yet, and John after three years, the Union begins (Finance & Services). The figures Collins, the Union President, has to break even, compared to simply appear to have leaked to numer- been meeting with College officials, paying for the ULU affiliation fee. ous non-sabbaticals. Mr Matthews, including the Rector, Sir Richard Mr Collins also promised that when asked if the figures had been Sykes, and the Deputy Rector, Sir NUS affiliation would bring savings made available in the past, stated Leszek Borysiewicz to discuss this in the training of Union officers of that he believed so, but did not possibility. “a few thousand pounds,” further know in what committee or what The second year’s figures show off-setting the initial expense. paper they had been made avail- the ULU fee dropping to £45,000 Mr Collins did point out that the able. Ashley Brown, Live! editor, from £78,000, while the NUS figure Union has a sizeable cash reserve attempted to locate these figures in increases to around £42,000 from (estimated at around £1m), as well Union minutes and papers, which £35,000. These figures do not in- as numerous other contigency are available online, but was unable clude additional costs, such as the funds it can draw upon to pay the to do so. replacement of services that were fee. However, this cash reserve is The figures are divided into two once provided by ULU, predicted currently set aside to cover the cost parts. The first set of figures con- by Mr Collins on questioning by Fe- of the Union redevelopment, which cerns the affiliation fee the Union lix to be “around £10-15k”. It also is estimated to have cost £1.25m so will have to pay if the student body does not include the likely income far. Mr Collins said that the College votes to join the NUS in the upcom- from sales of the NUS Extra card. should be footing the bill when it ar- ing referendum. This number is £4 of every £10 card sold is return rives, but the money has not been based on the money the Union re- to the participating Union. To cover provided yet. ceives from the College to provide the above cost, the NUS Extra card This reporter would like to re- its services (called the subvention) would have to be bought by more mind its readers that Felix is bound Rupert Neate (pictured), last year’s Felix editor, walked away and the number of students who than a quarter of the student body, by the Union constitution’s regula- with the top prize at the Guardian Student Media Awards 2006, are members of the Union, and is something that seems unlikely giv- tions on referenda, and therefore being named Journalist of the Year. The prize entitled Mr Neate capped at £52,000. en IC student apathy and the nega- is not permitted to hold an official to six weeks’ work at the Guardian. Felix also picked up the The second part of the figures tive feeling that the Extra card has opinion on the NUS referendum. award for Student Newspaper of the Year, beating rivals such as concerns the fee the Union must generated among many students’ This reporter would also like to Cambridge University’s Varsity. pay ULU as part of the withdrawl unions, with the NUS actively at- remind readers that the Union’s agreement. Although the College tempting to block students without constitution requires that you think FULL STORY ON PAGE 2 is to be awarded its own degree- the Extra card from receiving the before you vote. 2 felix Friday 10 November 2006

NEWS [email protected] Tanaka snubs Union A winner is Felix Attempts to work with the Business School have ended in failure

The Tanaka Business School have been obstructive in a number of the Union’s activities in the past month. In recent weeks, Deputy Presi- dent (Graduate Students), Shama Rahman, has been looking into lo- cating available space within the College to procure for the long- promised postgraduate common room. It is understood that Miss Rahman approached the Business School to see if she could gain ac- cess to the Tanaka cafe for more than just those students studying within the Tanaka Building. Miss Rahman’s request was politely denied by the Tanaka authorities, leaving the cafe exclusive to the The Tanaka Business School sets itself apart from the rest of College From left to right: Lauren Laverne, Alex Antonov (Science), Shaun students that study there. Stanworth (aka the Hoff), Chris Miles (News), Saba Shafi (Design), The Business School has also Hannah Theodorou (Food), Emily Lines (Arts), Samantha Perera managed to irritate the Union in running clubs, and the backup of (Clubs & Societies), has spoken to (Fashion), Rupert Neate (Editor, 2005-6) a number of other ways recently. the Union should anything go awry. the Business School regarding this A number of “clubs” have been Some members said that the Busi- matter, though no clear decision formed, under the umbrella name ness School was actively encourag- has been reached. Felix scooped the top two prizes ence magazine, won runner-up in “Tanaka Industry Clubs” (TIC). ing clubs to work with Tanaka, and Last year, Felix was prevented at the Guardian Student Media the student magazine of the year These include the recently-founded not with the Union - one member from being distributed in the Tana- Awards 2006, held in Old Street on category, with Cardiff University’s Imperial College Entrepreneurs, even went as far as to say that he’d ka cafe. The bin that the newspaper Wednesday. Quench winning the category. and the older Imperial Entrepre- been told the Union was “crap”. normally resides in was removed, The newspaper had been nomi- Other notable winners from neurs. Both of these clubs had tried The establishment of clubs by and attempts to re-establish distri- nated in the Best Student News- around the city included UCL’s to get space at Freshers’ Fair, but College bodies is somewhat of a bution in the building have failed. paper category, and I Science, the Cheesegrater, which won Best were denied as they were not Un- grey area. The Union’s consitution The Business School’s patron is companion science magazine, had Small Budget Publication. Chee- ion-affiliated clubs. says that the Union shall exist, and himself no stranger to controversy; been nominated in the Best Student segrater has often been praised as Of the club members that this re- it shall be responsible for the run- Gary Tanaka was arrested in July Magazine category. Rupert Neate, being a fearless exposer of idiocy in porter has spoken to, many of them ning of clubs. It does not, however, 2005 on charges of defrauding a last year’s Felix editor, and Chris UCL’s management, as opposed to were unaware of the benefits being say that the Union shall be the ex- former client of £5m, which he alleg- Miles, last year’s news editor, were the rather toothless Pi. Goldsmiths a Union-affiliated club provides, clusive organiser or authority for edly used for various philanthropic both nominated in the Best Student College’s newspaper, Smiths, won such as financial help, training in clubs. Eric Lai, Deputy President purposes. Journalist category, and Mr Neate student publication design of the was also nominated for Best Travel year. Writer. Rupert Neate, when contacted On Wednesday’s awards cer- by Felix, said: “I couldn’t be more emony, Mr Neate won the overall pleased, it’s fantastic. I’d like to Journalist of the Year award and thank everyone who worked for Fe- Hustings is a farce once again will spend six weeks working for lix last year; it is an award for all of the Guardian as part of the prize. us. Together with I Science we have Mr Neate was also runner-up in the proved that scientists can write. I’d The NUS hustings held on Tues- current college hot topic, but in- most of the student body. The hus- Best Student Journalist category. also like to thank College for giving day at the Charing Cross campus stead decided to prop up the bar, tings for the Council elections in Felix beat other student newspa- us so much to write about.” was cancelled part way through alongside the students who were the JCR drew ire from those quietly pers, including the favourite, Varsi- Andy Sykes, current Felix editor, the proceedings due to a lack of enjoying an evening drink. lunching there, with only the RON ty (Cambridge University’s student commented: “I think those of us attendance. The hustings, held in the Reynolds campaigner, Stephen Brown, man- newspaper), to win student news- that worked with Rupert knew that After more than an hour of nerv- Bar, was unfortunately scheduled aging to gain the attention of the paper of the year. The judges were he would go far in the world of jour- ous whistling and foot tapping wait- just before a comedy night, mean- crowd. very impressed with last year’s Fe- nalism. His courage and tenacity ing for the audience to arrive, the ing attendence was even poorer Hustings to the RCC clubs was lix, describing it as “remorselessly in constantly questioning both the hustings was called off. The two than it would usually be. also farcical, with candidates shout- campaigning with a sense of hu- Union and the College authorities teams were scheduled to argue Hustings have a long tradition of ing over people and a general loss mour and significant news values.” marked him out as the most politi- their points of view regarding the being seen as a waste of time by of order. I Science, Felix’s companion sci- cally active editor in years.” felix 1,363 Friday 10.11.06

Floating in money Fabricated highlight “A company wishing to issue shares “All in all, this night at Fabric was for the first time must do so in an the best I’ve ever had, a million Initial Public Offering or IPO. This is times better than Radio Soulwax at the act of floating, and makes pri- Canvas, which was just pure hell, vately owned companies into pub- and probably better than any club licly owned companies.” night of this type I’ve ever been PAGE 4 to.” PAGE 27 BioBricking it “Within a few short weeks, the Horrific astrology team had decided that they would “This week you will actually pay attempt to build the world’s first attention to the highlights box on molecular oscillator. Even to have page 2 that I slave over at the last reached such a decision so quickly minute, each and every fucking was impressive.” week only for you to skip to the PAGE 7 Cracking bangers rest of the bloody newspaper.” “And, as you might expect, this PAGE 37 Switch everything off professor of kitchen science has “Turning your thermostat down his own laboratory with all kinds of How to crash a bus by 1ºC could cut your heating bills experimental apparatus that would “Hockey the next day was a little by up to 10 per cent and save you not be amiss in the typical univer- less than balanced. There were around £40 per year.” sity chemistry department.” many cries of ‘I’m going to puke!’” Gaming on the beach. Are World War Two FPSs duller than seawater? PAGE 8 PAGE 31 PAGE 39 PAGE 32 Friday 10 November 2006 felix 3

NEWS [email protected] Clamp down on student behaviour

David Ellis A spokesman for Chester Univer- One of the most rewarding edu- News Editor sity said: “It is our belief that a fair cational experiences of university balance should be struck between is commonly said to be the way stu- Students at many universities have the responsibilities of a university dents must learn to balance their been forced to sign contracts to en- to provide a quality standard edu- social life and their study to suc- sure good behaviour. cation, with well-qualified lectur- ceed. The introduction of contracts In Nottingham the two universi- ers and first-class facilities, and could water-down this experience ties, Nottingham and Nottingham reciprocal duties of students to par- potentially leading to less well- Trent, have problems with the way ticipate actively in their studies by rounded graduates who are more their students get along with their attending lectures, undertaking re- dependent upon rules others set for neighbours. Drunkenness, vomit- quired preparation and submitting them to follow. ing and half eaten food litter appear work on time. This is potentially bad for top em- to be the main irritants. “The document is designed to ployers who generally prefer ap- A spokesman for Nottingham protect the legitimate needs of our plicants who have a certain level of Trent university said: “To enhance conscientious students, and to safe- independence and take initiatives the relationship between student guard its resources from potentially for themselves. and community, we actively support vexatious claims.” Marcel Berlins, a visiting profes- the “Sshh” campaign – an initiative Meanwhile Dr Gillian Howie, a sor of journalism at City University designed to educate students of the senior lecturer at the University of in London said: “Most objection- importance of remaining respectful Liverpool said: “Two league tables ably, they remove from students of the local communities and resi- giving a measure of university per- the right to exercise any discretion, dents of Nottingham. formance are retention and qualify- to work out for themselves what’s A drunk student relaxes in the park after a stressful day of exams “The campaign aims to deal with ing grades. There is an easily de- best for them, to be responsible by issues such as noise and litter but monstrable relationship between their own volition and not because to also encourage students to feel attendance and grades. they have been forced into it,” should they have a substandard subjected to extraordinary meas- part of the community rather than “We have to infantilise the young Wes Streeting, NUS vice-presi- experience. ures to prove and evidence quality separate from it.” adult to ensure that they attend to dent for education was quick to “The term ‘contract’ implies re- in teaching and research. Whilst being educated, the stu- secure their grades. make a link with top up fees, he sponsibilities on both sides. Un- “Despite the fact that the length dents are also required to sign a “In the main, these contracts try said: “This is a clear knee-jerk re- fortunately, while the contracts of the working week exceeds that contract just as students arriving at to make explicit the fact that learn- action to the introduction of top-up we have seen outlined a number which is recommended by Europe Chester and Oxford University do. ing is not something that can be fees, which may result in more stu- of requirements for students, they and stress suffered by academic One in six students drop out of bought and that it requires applica- dents making complaints as they have remained vague on what is staff is amongst the highest in the study at some point during their tion on the part of the student.” seek to ensure they get full value required of universities in terms of country, we have remained com- course. Most drop outs come from There are voices of discontent on for their £3,000. standards.” mitted and believe that education is new universities, established after the subject. Some believe universi- “Our greatest worry is that This contrasted with Dr. Howie, key to a vibrant economy and even 1992. The cost to the taxpayer is es- ty should be a liberating experience contracts could mean that stu- who commented: “During the last more importantly, to a flourishing timated at around £50 million. from the rigid rules set at school. dents have no course to redress 10 years universities have been way of life. “ Study shows grades do not National decline in reflect achievements female applicants

the differences between courses. their degree grades to the bottom Out of the 48,138 UK applicants who On average students claim to of their CV just to get an interview. applied for full-time study at uni- spend 25.7 hours per week study- Bahram Bekhradnia, of HEPI, versity by 15th October, there were ing, but medicine and dentistry stu- said: “If students are putting 32 365 fewer women. dents work up to ten hours a week hours a week into engineering and The trend is only an early indica- more than the average, while mass 21 hours a week into business stud- tion; the deadline for application is communication students study five ies, is a degree telling you the same 15th January. Some feel the trend is hours less than the average. thing about the universities and the worrying since increases in student The study also focused on young- experience the students have had? numbers in recent years have been er students. 15,000 first and second You can get a 2:1 with different mainly due to an increasing number year students were involved in the amounts of effort.” of female students, who now consti- study, which also asked questions Drummond Bone, of the vice- tute around 55% of the UK total. about the work trends of third and chancellors’ group Universities UK, The early deadlines are for Ox- fourth year students. said: “There is no national curricu- bridge applicants whose numbers There are concerns that the de- lum in higher education, and so we rose by 4.3%, apparently showing gree grades are not a fair represen- should not be surprised that differ- an “immunity” to top up fee devel- tation of the achievements of stu- ent courses at different institutions opments. The figures also show a dents on their courses. This could involve different use of facilities, 3.6% rise in foreign applicants with cause skewed intake to employers contact hours and so on.” applicants from Poland up 28.5%. when students seek graduate jobs The authors also noted that 60.9 The chief executive of UCAS, An- after leaving university. Many in- per cent of students of physical sci- thony McClaran, said: “On balance, stitutions, particularly those con- ences at Plymouth University re- these first figures for 2007 entry are nected with the finance sector, use ceive a 2:1 or first-class degree for encouraging.” Graduates at Central Lancashire grades as a screening method. working 20 hours a week. Higher Education Minister, Bill Hard-working students apply- Rammell said: “These figures show ing from scientific backgrounds at the underlying trend in applica- A new survey has shown the amount older institutions, such as Imperial, tions, after the small reduction last of time students from different uni- might be screened out, whilst less An appeal year and following a larger than versities have study to obtain the hard-working students from newer usual increase the year before, con- same grades varies dramatically. universities might get through the tinues to be upward. On average students from newer initial screening procedures. Felix is planning to look at the “The critics of the new fees sys- Female students are already universities have to spend far less The finance sector employers effects British foreign policy is tem, who claimed applications scarce at Imperial College time at their studies than at older rarely entirely disregard students having on students at college. would plummet, are being proved institutions. with lower grades. Normally em- If you are an Imperial College wrong.” Scientists at Cambridge work 45 ployers warn applicants severely student who is also a Palastin- The “small reduction” he referred glitch”, and added: “We genuinely hours a week on course related ac- about the limited chance they have ian, Israeli, Iraqi, Iranian of Af- to was the fall of the 2006 induction hope they are right. We do not wish tivities to obtain a top class degree, of getting a job if they did not gain gahni national, and would value by 15,000 students. This put his to see any more students missing compared to the 19 hours a week at least a 2:1 at university. There the chance to take part in the claims about the new fee system out on the benefits a degree educa- required to gain a first or 2:1 at Uni- are real cases of applicants gain- investigation, then we would into question. tion can bring, versity of Central Lancashire. ing competitive positions, such as like to hear from you. Applicants to England from “They may be able to pass off this The study, performed by the at Investment Banks, without the Feel free to send an email Wales, Scotland and Northern Ire- year’s drop in applications as a one- Higher Education Policy Institute required grades. Such applicants to David Ellis at news.felix@ land were down 9%, 2.1% and 4.3%. off, but two years in a row would be (HEPI) also revealed that whilst often have to resort to having some ic.ac.uk. We look forward to Gemma Tumelty, President of a clear and undeniable reflection of study-time varied between subjects, sort of exceptional experience that hearing from you soon. NUS said that the government had the negative impact that top-up fees an even greater variation came in sells their talents and relegating portrayed the fall applications as “a are having on participation rates.” 4 felix Friday 10 November 2006

BUSINESS [email protected] IPOs: when companies go public

Craig Lukins & Emily Tam tain. This causes a rise in the price option, this is best described with Business Correspondents of the shares when they begin trad- an example. ing, reflecting well upon the com- The underwriters for company If a company needs to raise cash, pany. If every penny were squeezed A sell 1 million shares in an IPO, it does so by either borrowing (in from the shares in the IPO, the plus an additional amount, say the form of loans or bonds) or sell- share price may fall when trading 100,000, that the underwriter short ing portions of the company to in- begins, making the company look sells (selling shares that you don’t vestors. These portions, known as bad and possibly being worse in the own). When shares begin trading, if shares (or equity), give the bearer long run. the price falls, the underwriter will ownership of a part of the compa- The amount of capital raised by a buy 100,000 shares from the market ny’s assets and profits. company depends on two factors: to cover the short selling. The act A company wishing to issue the prospects of the company and of buying shares pushes the price shares for the first time must do the state of the market. The latter back up, and leaves the underwrit- so in an Initial Public Offering or is difficult to control; for example, er with a profit (as they bought back IPO. This is the act of floating, and the Bank of England may increase from the market at less than the makes privately owned companies interest rates, making the market price they sold at). If however the (for example, a company owned by nervous and less willing to buy price rises, the underwriter is left one individual) into publicly owned shares in the company, harming with 100,000 short sold shares that companies (companies owned by its flotation. To protect against this they must cover. Instead of mak- their shareholders). Shares in pri- uncertainty, companies will have ing a loss by buying these from the vate companies cannot be obtained their shares underwritten. Under- market, the underwriter exercises without the consent of the owners, writing is the process by which the greenshoe, which allows them whereas shares in public compa- an investment bank (acting as the to buy 100,000 shares from compa- nies can be bought by any member underwriter) will, for a fee, agree ny A at issue price (the price they of the public and are traded openly The trading floor, where billions of pounds switch hands instantly to carry the risk of any shares that were shorted for). Greenshoes are on a stock exchange. are not sold (i.e. if the offer is un- so named because such an option There are several different ways dersubscribed). In the event of this, was first granted to underwriters in which an IPO may be carried required, and is generally used for investor may be given fewer shares the bank will buy back any unsold by the Green Shoe Company. out. In a placing, the most common very large companies. However, than applied for or shares may be shares so that the company can Some of the most publicised method of flotation, the bank advis- under recent rules, this method allocated by ballot. In a tender offer, be sure that all their shares are IPOs include Google, who floated ing the company, will contact insti- may be combined with a flotation no price is given; rather, the inves- sold and the floatation is a success. in August 2004, with an offering of tutional investors (for example, the by placing. Firstly, a company sets tors will give a price themselves. When issues are successful and $1.7 billion, ICBC (Industrial and managers of pension funds who out its operations, including an of- After the deadline, the investor there are sufficient investors to buy Commercial Bank of China), who have a significant amount of cash fer price per share, in a detailed with the highest price will be given the stock, the underwriters stand successfully completed the world’s they wish to invest for the good of prospectus. In a conventional offer, shares first, and so on until all the to make a substantial fee; however, largest ever float of $21.8 billion in their clients). The bank will offer investors wishing to buy shares at shares have been allocated. a poorly received offer can cost un- October this year, and the 1987 is- to sell a portion of the company’s the offer price then apply to do so The price offered per share in a derwriters millions of pounds. sue of British Petroleum, that was shares to such an investor for a before the deadline. After the dead- placing or conventional offer for Clever tactics may also be used so poorly received by the market price determined by the bank. line, the shares are allocated and sale is set by the advising bank. to help flotations. Greenshoes help it cost its underwriters millions of An offer for sale is a more expen- the company receives its cash. If Usually, this is marginally lower keep share prices up after trading pounds to buy back its undersub- sive method, due to the publicity the offer is oversubscribed, each than the price it believes it can ob- begins. Known as an over-allotment scribed shares.

Spark A Company lights up Entrepreneurs’ launch party

Last Thursday Imperial Entrepre- pair of glasses should cost around retailers who try to push him out Sumon Sadhu while still being a student they neurs (IE) followed their hugely £150 when they contain “less metal of business. His exhibits included Business Correspondent would have undoubtedly ended up successful launch event with an than a spoon”. Soon he realized that legal notices from lawyers, letters being stuck on the career hamster- even hotter one to mark the start the high cost did not come from the and faxes from suppliers unwilling It’s unlikely that in your entrepre- wheel and many times worse off of their Spark A Company (SAC) raw materials or suppliers but from to deal with him, and even disturb- neurial lectures at Tanaka you’ve financially. program. the high street shops who inflated ing (yet quite funny) recorded tel- ever heard starting a company lik- The buzz and energy of the James Murray Wells, founder and distributor prices to make big prof- ephone conversations with insider ened to firing a Bazooka, but Charlie evening spilled over into the lav- managing director of Glassesdirect. its. After researching the feasibil- ‘double agents’. Osmond’s opening salvo of “Ready, ish afterparty in the Tanaka bar, co.uk, was the featured speaker, an ity of his idea he recruited 8 other The event was followed by a Fire, Aim?” will long go down in allowing many Imperial Entrepre- outstanding choice to launch SAC university students and turned his sumptuous reception at the trendy the memories of those that were neurs members to network and as this program hopes to inspire parent’s home into his office dur- Med Kitchen on Gloucester Road. present at the spectacular launch bounce ideas with invited entrepre- students to do exactly what he did – ing the early stages of the start up. It provided a fun and flamboyant of the Imperial Entrepreneurs soci- neurs and investors over copious getting his venture going and mak- He nostalgically remembers cables networking opportunity where ide- ety on the 19th of October. amounts of Cobra beer and snacks. ing a success of it. At 23, James has running from bedroom to bedroom, as and business cards were fiercely Together with Alex Tew, founder The guestlist spanned many well grown Glassesdirect from starting up and down the stairs, and his exchanged. Members from all main of Milliondollarhomepage.com, and known companies, including the with £1000 to a business expected mum making “bacon sandwiches in entrepreneurship societies were Michael Smith of Firebox.com, the BBC, MTV networks, Vodafone, to turnover over £3m this year in the kitchen” for his new employees. there: Cambridge Entrepreneurs, trio set the scene for an engaging and the Sunday Times. The night just two years. Undercutting his Sales began to come in almost im- Oxford entrepreneurs, LSE entre- night of anecdotes and fly-on-the- provided a genuine opportunity for high street rivals by up to ten times, mediately, and the business began preneurs, and Imperial Entrepre- wall accounts of starting up. Smith Imperial students to look beyond Glassesdirect has sent shockwaves to grow. He is now planning an in- neurs came together and discussed entertained the audience with how the gloss and hype that surrounds through the optical industry, a mar- ternational expansion to take place entrepreneurial interests while a drunken night of chess inspired how entrepreneurship is presented ket worth over £2.4 billion a year in sometime next year. He also told of enjoying chilled white wine and Firebox’s first ever product, the and get inside the personalities the UK. In 2005 he won the UK Shell how in addition to all the well known Mediterranean-food starters. John shot-glass chess set, and how the of the entrepreneurs at the event. LiveWIRE Young Entrepreneur of obstacles of setting up your own Wilson from Folio Partners said, “It site embarrassingly almost went The event was described by Simon the Year award, Credit Suisse En- business straight out of university, was great to see so many students out of business when their origi- Stockley, head of the MBA pro- trepreneur of the Year award, and he has been experiencing mount- bursting with ideas and enthusiasm nal name, Hotbox, was found to be gramme at the Tanaka Business Enterprising Young Brit 2005 and ing pressure from big high street to run businesses.” the domain of a popular adult site! School, as “the best student event attracted press coverage in publica- Alex Tew, creator of milliondol- I’ve ever been to”, and by IE mem- tions including the FT, The Sunday larhomepage, surprised many of ber Frank Mayne as “the epitome Times, and The Daily Telegraph. the audience by playing down he of cool!” In addition, of the top 50 entrepre- was a one-hit wonder and explain- neurs of 2005 as rated by startups. ing that before setting up the mil- co.uk, he beat Sir Richard Branson, liondollarhomepage, his entrepre- Sir Alan Sugar, and Stelios Haji-Io- neurial drive started at the age of annou, to come 1st place. 12 selling comics and at 17 setting James told students how he re- up the largest community of beat- members having had a few brilliant boxers in the world on humanbeat- business ideas before, which he let box.com. Alex also dropped hints of pass him by. However when he had his next venture, which plays on his his latest eureka moment he decid- original theme of the pixelated phe- ed to finally do something about it nomenon but enables the user to and take that idea all the way to cre- share money generated by the site. ate a concrete business. He started All three speakers were keen to researching the glasses sales mod- stress that while luck had played a el, questioning it, wondering why a James Wells (glassesdirect) and Alex Backshall, IE creative officer part, had they not taken the plunge Michael Smith from firebox.com Friday 10 November 2006 felix 5

SCIENCE [email protected] Dawn of a gaming revolution A biog Felix talks to Owain Bennallack from Pocket Gamer about a whole new gaming world

Mike Cook artefact to gameplay. It can never be underestimated how much peo- Whilst you might hear plenty about ple are turned off by joysticks and gaming’s conquering of the mass keyboards. If you talk to a non-gam- market and its final acceptance by er and ask them if they want to play the majority – indeed, you may even a game, they might say no. But if hear it from Felix’s own games sec- you ask them if they want to dance tion – it isn’t quite that simple. Yes, on a dancemat, or shake maracas, plenty of people play games, but or hold a guitar and play it, they’ll are plenty of people gaming? Felix say: “Yeah, of course, because I talks to Owain Bennallack, editorial know how to play a guitar.” They One of just three Europeans director of gaming website Pocket- don’t want to go and learn how to do placed in a recent top 50 Most Gamer.co.uk, about gaming and its something, they just want to have Influential Games Journalists acceptance in society. Are we all ac- fun. Everyone gets music, and eve- survey by Next Generation, tually playing along? ryone can instantly relate to some- Owain Bennallack started his thing like Guitar Hero. career at Future Publishing. What do you think of the Game He soon moved on to a stint On exhibition as a kind of turning The controller on the Nintendo as deputy editor of videogame point in gaming’s acceptance? Wii is something quite simplified culture giant Edge, before spe- I haven’t actually been to the lat- too. Is that a sign that there’s cialising in the games devel- est Game On, but I think it’s a good some realisation of this? opment side of the industry. idea. I went to the original one back You really can’t go simple enough. Owain edited the European in the Barbican, and it’s interest- The Wii controller is, to an extent, developer magazine, Develop, ing to see an art institution behind a barrier of its own. But it’s more from its inception in 2001 until something like that. I think people intrinsically fun too, because you’re February 2006, leaving to set have been talking about games in following around with its actions up publishing company Steel a cultural sense for some time, but somewhat. I mean, bemused girls Media. Now running Pocket- it was definitely an interesting mo- – bemused gamers – are going to Gamer.co.uk, a site dedicated ment – perhaps turning point is a bit want to play a backhand on the Wii to handheld and mobile gam- strong, but important nevertheless. tennis games, and they won’t be ing, he also chairs the Develop able to because of the way it works. In Brighton Conference advi- Do you think that the exhibition is It’s still a step forward. sory board, and still finds time more about the past then, or the The girl gamer demographic defi- for consultancy projects with future? nitely seems like the biggest target several leading developers and When I walk around the Science Mu- for companies to grab. games publications. seum, I think about the future. What The problem the industry has in Owain’s first experience of it does is it illuminates the present, general is that people get into gam- journalism however was here in the same way that science fiction ing when they’re young males, and Ex-Felix editor Owain Bennallack from 1994-5 (right) and now (above) at IC, where he cut his teeth on does. Even though you’re looking at it becomes a flatter consumption as Felix. Spurning the fourth year something like Defender, and then those gamers get older. So to keep of his Computer Science de- Ghost Recon, you’re being made the market expanding, you’ve got Is that a misnomer then? Is there from a game. The main issue is to gree, he was Felix editor 1994- aware that this medium that was to look for new demographics. But I only one type of ‘gamer’, or are get people who can think in new 5, which in those days also seen as quite quirky and hidden is think there’s something inherently we looking at different kinds of ways to make games. meant running and in-house actually following a timeline of its masculine about the existing game players? printing press business, with own, and there’s no reason it’s not mechanics – learn to beat this, over- Already you can see the market full-time staff. He considers the going to keep progressing. come this challenge, be rewarded fragmenting for traditional games Felix Science has a pair of tickets whole experience ‘absolutely with something that helps you get – people who play FPSs don’t nec- for the Game On exhibition to give valuable’ and points out that his You’re a fan of Guitar Hero? on. There will be gamers that disa- essarily want to go out and play away. To win them, be the first immediate IC media contem- Definitely a fan of the idea, I don’t gree with that, but I think it’s an in- platform games. In the past, two person to email science.felix@ poraries include BBC TV pre- think I’m any good at it though! herently masculine mindset. people with an Atari 2600 would imperial.ac.uk with the answer senter Declan Curry and New But in many ways, this is an old have played similar games. But as to the following incredibly tough Scientist features editor David What do you think gives it, and issue. There are stats now that Nin- games diversify, Quake fans are question: Cohen, plus a host of others games like it, such an appeal? tendogs has sold in Germany and in now a world away from Singstar who now work as freelance or Well I think it’s interesting in gen- the UK, around 50% of those many, fans. They’re different audiences, Which games website does Owain staff editors and journalists. eral when you marry a real world many copies to women. and they all want different things Bennallack currently edit? Is it finally game over for the fat controller?

Mike Cook wait for more games. Nowadays new gamers. “In the past, gaming with the largest controller known to which is still a newcomer at only a it seems – for financial reasons or was simple,” he explains, flicking gamers at the time, with around few decades old. But as you do that, There was a time when you could other – that demographics is one of up a simple button-and-paddle sys- 40 buttons and two joysticks. But the market changes. Is the aim to tell you were in a highbrow dis- the bigger puzzles in gaming. tem onto a projector, “you move the as Rodriguez explains, part of the bring new gamers into old hobbies, cussion if someone mentioned the As part of the Science Museum’s paddle, you press the button and game becomes the control system or to create a different kind of gam- word ‘demographic’ and ‘gaming’ ongoing events schedule, Nicolas aliens die.” itself. And mastering it is not some- er? Rodriguez thinks that the solu- in the same context. Gaming was Rodriguez from Kuju Studios gave The important thing, Rodriguez thing many gamers want to do. tion comes in getting people to try its own demographic – there wasn’t a talk last week entitled “Dance- says, is that we understand what “What I want to ask is: has the the medium out. “People move on. so much a supply and demand mats And Joysticks – Who’s Play- we’re doing. “There’s a one-to-one controller become a barrier to in- They might start on Nintendogs, relationship as there was a para- ing Now?” In it, he charted the rise relationship between what we do novation and new gamers?” but they’re going to end up playing sitic one. Gamers waited for the and development of game control with a controller and what happens It seems like a distinct possibil- Trauma Centre and other games.” games, and then when they arrived mechanisms, and talked about the on the screen. That’s why games ity. The key problem – picked up Rodriguez sums up the division the gamers would play them and barriers that were now set up to like Guitar Hero work. You tell peo- by many others in the industry – is quite neatly, against the backdrop of ple they have to play the guitar, give that gaming got too obsessed with a painting of a street, with children them a peripheral and…” he mimes itself, and with its romantic notion skipping and playing ball games. a few power chords on a well-mod- of sweaty teenagers in their bed- “Some of us don’t want to game,” elled air guitar, “…they know what rooms. Far from being something he says. “Some of us just want to to do.” they shied away from, they em- play.” Crucially, he explains, the reason braced it. There was a thrill in the With the next generation of gam- that the games industry doesn’t see hard-core, the complicated. Joy- ing on our doorstep, those people the problem is because they grew sticks became glorified, and t-shirts may have more opportunities than up with the problem. Keyboards now bear the long strings of button ever. But it’s still a topic of discus- and joysticks aren’t just techniques combinations from famous game sion, and one that the Science Mu- that the industry has got used to, cheat codes. seum and Game On hope to consid- it’s something that is genuinely But as time goes on, it comes er over the coming weeks, as they thought of as the best solution. around to bite gaming in the rear. discuss the psychology, the brand Steel Battalion’s release in both the The key is to get people who names and the challenges of mod- Too inaccessible? The infamous Steel Battalion controller Eastern and Western markets came aren’t gaming into this market ern gaming. 6 felix Friday 10 November 2006

SCIENCE [email protected] Honey, I shrunk the technology

Hannah Dufty This cutting edge area of research losic ethanol, used to produce car- world,” Vincent Rouilly reports. As involved and are promoting public is a combination of engineering and bon neutral fuels. At present this one of the seniors working on the debate over the issues to prevent First it was Nature, then New Sci- biology. Scientists unite to break is produced by fermenting sugar iGEM project he naturally defends early legislation. entist, and Scientific American, but down biological systems into their and starch, but the process is ineffi- the developing and exciting field. As the field grows synthetic biol- so far so normal for a Science news constituent parts and then engineer cient due to yeast not being unable There is no risk-free technology, but ogy becomes more able to produce story. But when The Guardian, The new systems from them, much like to digest the 100 per cent of mate- synthetic biology has an extra twist chemicals and organisms which New York Times, and The Econo- the components of a circuit are con- rial. However some species of fungi – the risks can breed. Currently the were previously hard to create or mist start running features on the structed within electronics. This al- and bacteria can do this job and it is risks are very low due to the lack of find. With its wide ranging applica- same subject, it’s time to sit up and lows the power of the cell to be har- hoped by identifying the genes that survivability of the pathways and tion and initial exciting success who take notice. But what is this big nessed and engineered to produce enable them to do this job and reas- organisms created in the lab. Natu- knows what the future holds for syn- news? What is iGEM? Felix delves wide ranging results. sembling them into a new pathway rally, as understanding grows, then thetic biology? into the new field of synthetic biol- Dr. Kesling at the University of it will be possible to produce sys- so will the danger. ogy to bring you perhaps the most California is devising a way to syn- tems able to digest the whole plant. Scientists are exciting news this century. thesise artemisinin (an antimalarial For some synthetic biologists the aware of iGEM (international Genetically drug) cheaply. Currently this drug proof of their field is not an artifi- the risks Engineered Machine) is an annual is extracted from a type of worm- cial metabolic pathway but an ar- competition for undergraduate sci- wood mainly found in china and tificial organism. This is precisely entists originally set up in order to producing the chemical by standard what the man who first sequenced address a simple question. Can sim- chemistry is highly impractical due a whole organism’s genome is plan- ple biological systems can be built to the number of complicated steps ning to do. He believes he will be from standard interchangeable involved, making the chemical ex- able to “synthesise a working bac- parts and operated in living cells, pensive. Armed with a $42.6 million terial genome from scratch in two or is biology is too complicated to grant from the Bill and Melinda years.” Dr. Venter and Hamilton be engineered in this way? Gates foundation, a partnership Smith are first creating a stripped Research of this kind falls under between Amyris Biotechnologies, down bacterial genome at the Ven- the new ‘synthetic biology’ banner. the Institute for OneWorld Health, ter institute in Rockville. He has Waclaw Szybalski of the University and the University of California; been scouring the oceans for bac- of Wisconsin believes this work rep- Keasling is developing a method to terial genes, his current collection resents the beginning of a new era use cells as a ‘factory’ to produce clocking in at 6 million. in engineering and biology: “The artemisinic acid, which can then be Of course this kind of science work on restriction nucleases not converted to artemisinin. The goals doesn’t come without it’s risks. Cur- only permits us to easily construct of synthetic biology are far reach- rently the highest risk is a biohack- recombinant DNA molecules and ing, including building biological er or political terrorist using the to analyse individual genes but also systems that process information, metabolic pathways to their own has led us to a new era of synthetic manipulate chemicals, fabricate ends. Another would be accidental biology where not only existing materials, produce energy, provide escape of the organisms. “New or- genes are described and analysed food, maintain and enhance human ganisms can’t pass the exam of evo- but also new genes arrangements health and the environment. lution any way. If they were released can be constructed and evaluated.” One such project is making cellu- they wouldn’t survive in the natural The future of synthetic biology? IC iGEM team’s BioOscillator

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IMPERIAL VOLUNTEER CENTRE IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION Friday 10 November 2006 felix 7

SCIENCE [email protected] Imperial College wipes the floor IC team beats Cambridge, MIT, Harvard, and Tokyo to second place in the prestigious iGEM competition

The victorious Imperial team: weighed down with certificates and trophies after entering the world’s first molecular oscillator into the iGEM competition

Colin Barras was impressive. “Getting familiar as one population becomes domi- probably didn’t,” says Christin. with the ideas was a huge hurdle,” nant,” Farah continues. “It’s like a These contrasting perspectives Picture the scene. It’s summer 2006. says Farah. John Chattaway, a biol- war game,” adds Jiongjun, “there are evident during the interview; Get involved Undergraduates, exams success- ogy student agrees: “we spent the are lots of innovative ideas. We are there are a number of disagree- fully navigated, head off to roam the first week just finding out about at the competition to impress.” ments about the answers to my world, free from the toil of univer- synthetic biology!” This is an obvi- But this is no ordinary compe- questions, reflecting the different Looking for something to do sity for three long months. But look ous problem for the team. In the tition, I suggest. There is a sur- academic backgrounds on show. this summer? Want to get in- closely; there are still signs of life US, where the study of synthetic prising level of openness, with all But it always remains very friendly, volved with the fastest growing in the Bioengineering Department. biology began five years ago, many teams providing regular progress an amazing accomplishment con- new science since the dot-com Hidden away in a small corner of students are taught synthetic bio- updates on the Internet. “It’s all sidering the team have been work- revolution? Imperial College is the building, a team of undergradu- logical principles in their lectures. on our wiki,” Farah explains, “so ing together intensively for several now recruiting team members ates and postgraduates are working US colleges choose their iGEM other teams can look at it and use weeks. I ask if the experience has for its entry to the 2007 iGEM on a new research project in col- teams early in the year, giving it to help with their own research.” been worthwhile. “We learnt a lot,” competition. Students from laboration with Professors Richard these teams a running start when “Yes, the competition promotes says Christin, “not just about syn- all disciplines will work on the Kitney and Paul Freemont. Their the competition begins. Will Impe- openness,” adds Christin, “so eve- thetic biology, but about general project over the summer be- brief is a demanding one. In just ten rial adopt a similar approach to this ryone knows what’s going on. It’s research.” My own undergrad sum- fore jetting off to present their weeks they have to show that sim- in future years? “That would be a not a strict competition.” mers were spent earning much- work at the annual Jamboree ple biological systems can be built good idea. A very good idea,” says A key feature of Synthetic Biol- needed cash to pay for University. at MIT in November. from standard, interchangeable Farah. ogy is its strong cross-discipline Did the experience gained make up iGEM (international Geneti- parts and operated in living cells. But back to the oscillator. I ask approach. The undergraduates on for this loss of earnings? “Oh, we did cally Engineered Machine) is a The results were presented at the the team to explain the potential the iGEM team are drawn from get paid,” John corrects me. “Yes, competition set up to explore iGEM (international Genetically applications of their system. “If we electrical engineering, biomedical but it wasn’t proportional to the what it is that makes things Engineered Machine) competition treat the oscillator as a clock we can engineering, biology and biochem- input though,” comments Farah. alive – whether or not we can in Boston last weekend. On the eve control other things in the system; istry. I wonder if it was easy to work Truly, then, these undergrads have just break life up into a series of their flight to Boston, the team make sure things happen at peri- together. “It’s been an experience,” learnt some valuable lessons about of constituent components. took time out to talk to me about odic times,” Farah tells me. This says Farah diplomatically. They all the nature of scientific research. Involving all disciplines their work intensive summer. conjures up images of a biological agree with this. Christin explains As Felix was going to press, we from biology to engineering, So, why did eight undergraduates computer in my mind. Jiongjun Bai, why this approach is important: heard that the Imperial iGEM it involves trying to ‘engineer’ decide to forego the pleasures of an electronic engineering student, “the concepts people bring with team had been named the over- biological devices by using the summer break to work on Im- agrees: “this could revolutionise our them are different. And the way to all first runner-up at the competi- standardized parts called “Bi- perial’s iGEM entry? “I don’t think way of thinking about materials. So approach a problem; that’s differ- tion in Boston, beating many other oBricks”. New Biobricks are any of us had any idea how much in future we won’t need transistors ent too. But that’s the point. To try well established teams along the released every year as the sci- work was involved,” admits Fa- or semi-conductors; everything can to gain the advantages of the differ- way. They also won first prize in ence advances, so each year rah Vohra, a biomedical engineer- be built from biological materials.” ent fields.” I probe deeper into the the Best Documentation and Best students are working on the ing student. “But the competition Not all of the iGEM teams have contrast between the engineering Measurement and Part Characteri- cutting edge. simply sounded interesting,” adds chosen this line of inquiry. “MIT and biological approach. “We found sation Categories. This is a fantas- Visit http://parts2.mit.edu/ Christin Sander, also a student in have made some smelly bacteria,” that the engineers were thinking tic achievement for the team, con- wiki/index.php/Imperial_Col- biomedical engineering. says Farah. I’m not sure quite what ‘OK, this is what I want to build’, but sidering that this is the first year lege_2006 to read more about Within a few short weeks, the to make of this, but the examples the biologists were working at the they have taken part in the contest.. this year’s entry or send an team had decided that they would are coming too thick and fast to DNA level, thinking ‘OK, but what Ninth university in the world? After email to igem.imperial2007@ attempt to build the world’s first raise questions: “and Cambridge have we actually got, and what can this week’s iGEM competition, the gmail.com for more informa- molecular oscillator. Even to have have made some bacteria that we do with it?’ They had limitations other eight had better start watch- tion about this year’s entry. reached such a decision so quickly fight. The culture changes colour in mind whereas the engineers ing their backs. 8 felix Friday 10 November 2006

GLOBALLY SPEAKING [email protected] Climate rally hits the spot Eco… Environmentally friendly

Hannah Theodorou access to clean energy, help them Chair, Environmental Society cut out poverty and deal with the climate disasters they are already Saturday saw over 20 Imperial stu- facing. dents flock to Malet Street to join The rally was timed to co-ordi- the student branch of the ‘I Count’ nate with the forthcoming interna- climate campaign, organised by tional talks on climate change in People and Planet. 2,000 students Kenya where delegates will try to took part, joining the 22,000 already find ways to widen the UN’s Kyoto in Trafalgar Square to listen to the Protocol, capping emissions of likes of Miranda Richardson, Si- greenhouse gases by 35 industrial nations until 2012. Over a decade ago, most coun- Recycling “I Count because tries joined an international treaty Have you seen the bins - the United Nations Framework for recycling around col- the world Convention on Climate Change lege? Re-think your rub- (UNFCCC) - to begin to consider bish, and don’t be brash is facing its what can be done to reduce global with your trash! warming and to cope with whatever greatest man- temperature increases are inevita- made threat ble. Recently, a number of nations have approved an addition to the off treaty, the Kyoto Protocol, which ever: climate has more powerful (and legally binding) measures. However, this change.” – David is no guarantee of government ac- tion on climate change. The UNFC- Attenborough CC secretariat supports all institu- tions involved in the climate change mon Amstell and Ashok Sinha, the process, particularly the COP, the Director of the Stop Climate Chaos subsidiary bodies and their Bureau Coalition talk about their fears and (UNFCC.int). ideas about climate change. Hopes were high among cam- Saving electricity The I Count campaign calls on paigners that their voice will make Energy production is the both individuals and politicians to a difference but only time will tell. greatest contributor to do their bit to reduce our impact on carbon dioxide emis- the environment and the climate. sions. Turning off lights Their main aims are to call on the you don’t need could government to: Get involved save 370kg of carbon! •Take a lead on the global stage, working for an international agree- ment to cut climate pollution. Contact Environmental Soci- World-wide this must be in decline ety at [email protected], or by 2015. visit these sites: •Cut the UK’s emissions by at www.icount.org.uk least 3% year on year. www.campaigncc.org The People and Planet student rally marches towards Trafalgar •Help the poorest countries get Square to add their voice to the ‘I Count’ campaign. Over 22,000

Embracing the power of switching off Face your Elephant In your lifetime you will discard over 31,000 It will probably come as no surprise drinks cans, drive more to most that leaving appliances than 722,000 miles, and on standby uses a considerable flush away 119.1km of amount of energy. According to the toilet paper. This is your Energy Saving Trust (EST), 10% of own personal carbon the UK’s electricity bills (about £300 elephant, and it’s time million a year, or £37 per household) you confronted it. is used by TVs, VCRs, and DVD players left on standby. This doesn’t take into account all the other cul- prits including mobile chargers, laptop cables, stereos, and wash- ing machines along with many oth- ers. Extra energy usage results in increased carbon emissions, a gas that has been shown to contribute to the greenhouse effect and con- sequently a global climate change. The EST estimates that DVDs and VCRs produce more than a million tons of CO2 annually . While manu- facturers can considerably reduce Four wheel drives the standby power of an appliance, These gas-guzzling, few do so despite a new voluntary sloane-mummy carrying, EU initiative. carbon-emitting mobile So what can we do about it? Any factories are going to steps individuals take will add to Street lighting: changing two bulbs in every house to energy efficient bulbs could power this for a year be taxed beyond belief! the solution rather than the prob- Hurrah for that. However, lem, as well as saving on household some will argue that energy bills. For example, if every in the UK. The steps are small but my programme theme is Energy and the measures the divide between the standby button on TV sets and vid- the impact could be huge. Other 3. Only boil as much water as you both the college, its staff and stu- rich and the poor will eos in the UK were switched off we tips from the EST include: need (but remember to cover the dents can take to reduce their en- increase exponentially. would save the power equivalent to 1. Turning your thermostat down elements if you’re using an electric ergy usage including promoting the the annual output of a large power by 1ºC could cut your heating bills kettle). ‘Power of Off’. If you’re interested station. And, if every household by up to 10 per cent and save you 4. Always turn off the lights when in getting involved, in any area be changed just two ordinary light around £40 per year. you leave a room. it publicity, planning, design or just bulbs for energy efficient ones it 2. If you’re not filling up the wash- Imperial College’s Environmen- being an extra pair of hands during Eek-o! would save enough electricity each ing machine, tumble dryer or dish- tal Society is currently planning the week email [email protected] Environmentally awful year to power all the street lighting washer, use the half-load or econo- its second Green Week; this year’s and we’ll welcome you onboard! Friday 10 November 2006 felix 9

Comment&Opinion NUS referendum special Why vote No? Do it for your club! Former ACC Chair Eric Lai argues that IC’s clubs and societies have a lot to gain from voting No next week

any people have organisation involved with the 2012 The NUS student media awards ister the scheme and we will prob- commented on the Olympics, so we’d better affiliate to are all very well, but Imperial’s stu- ably have to do the same. Imperial NUS referendum get involved. Lets not forget that dent media is doing quite well by students can get discounts at a lot so far, covering British University Sports Asso- itself. Over the summer Stoic TV, of places including HMV, Odeon, everything from ciation, which we affiliate to, have our student TV station, won best VUE, Cineworld, and McDonalds. discountsM to representation. This been involved from the start. broadcaster at the National Stu- NUS are campaigning to get these time round I want to cover the Finally, they’ll say how much dent Television Awards. Felix has companies to give exclusive dis- things most people care about better our student media could be been short-listed in five categories counts to NUS extra card holders. – clubs & societies. I know that this with the support they can provide at the Guardian Student Media Do you really want to spend £52,000 extra money that we are saving – they’ve even launched their own Awards (and won two top awards), on a organisation that actively from ULU could do a lot of good for student media awards. All this for and IC Radio is in the running in campaigns against the interest of clubs. Last year I was ACC Chair, only £52,000! two categories at the Student Ra- ALL students? responsible for ensuring that all of But this is an argument for the dio Awards. There are plenty of Since I started talking about their Imperial’s sports clubs were run- NO campaign, so there must be a awards open to all students, with- campaigns, let’s not forget about Eric Lai ning smoothly. I also organised the catch. According to the Association out the NUS having some of their the lecturers strike. The strike af- odd ACC Barnight, which seem to of Managers in Students’ Unions: own. fected thousands of students across have gained a certain notoriety. per head, Imperial College Union Now for the money bit! Affiliation the country, many have struggled This is why I feel so strongly about is one of the best funded unions in will cost £52,000 and we have 250 to find jobs due to results or exams why Imperial students should vote the country. We have more clubs clubs. That’s an average of £208 per being late. Who was it that sup- No! to joining the NUS. and societies than any other un- club. It’s also roughly the budget ported the strike? The NUS. They Far too many people dismiss us ion, and our sports clubs are active for the whole RCC, the whole med- would rather stick to their dogma as “apathetic.” Quite the opposite and successful. But there is always ics union or the following put to- than act on behalf of thousands of is true in fact. Imperial College room for improvement, £52,000 gether: Arts & Ents Board, Media students who faced the prospect has one of the highest club partici- could give our clubs that extra bit Group, SCC, RSM, City & Guilds of not being awarded their degree, pation rates in the country. They of funding that could make all the College Union and the Royal Col- endangering many conditional job are all run by dedicated volunteers difference. lege of Science Union. Perhaps we offers. Were they aware that stu- and members turn out regularly. Sport Imperial are also involved could give Cheese Society some dents were suffering? “Affiliation will This is evidence of a student body with the 2012 Olympics and have money for Cheese in the process. One member of their executive who relishes getting involved, not been so from the beginning. This Other options include employing was. An emergency motion was ta- cost £52,000 and one that lets the world drift past year the College and the Union additional staff to reduce the work- bled at the start of their conference them. Just because you don’t give have set up a Sports Federation, load of our volunteers, so they can basically saying “this is important, we have 250 a toss for union politics (lets face bringing in a new staff member spend more time running activities lets talk about this first”. The Con- it, who does?) it dosen’t make you dedicated to sport and using Col- and less time doing paperwork. ference voted against this, taking clubs. That’s an apathetic. lege’s resources to strengthen our The NUS Extra card also comes less than 30 minutes to reach their The NUS will tell you that they sports clubs. We have the resourc- with strings. I was recently at Uni- decision. Do we really want to join average of £208 can make your clubs better (in fact, es of a juggernaut with half a billion versity of Westminster which has this bunch? they did on Live! last week at live. pounds of turnover per year at our 25000 students and after a month Leaving ULU is no reason to per club” cgcu.net/editions/nus/1318). For disposal for sport. The NUS has a they have only sold 2000. Extra waste £52,000, vote NO! to have sports clubs, they might tell you turnover of less than £4m – less, in staff had to be hired and new lap- more money available for your clubs that the NUS is the only student fact, than ICU itself. tops had to be purchased to admin- and societies this NO!vember. Now I’m a believer – I’d vote Yes! President of Edinburgh University Students Association and former NUSceptic Tim Goodwin explains why his opinion changed, and why he now recommends that Imperial students vote Yes next week

t’s funny to think that a little fact that you can’t reform some- What does matter is what we are when we are apart. If we all come less than two years ago I was thing from the outside. You have doing as a student movement. The together to fight for our rights then in the middle of a bitter bat- to get into something to criticise government has scrapped grants we stand a much better chance of tle with the NUS to ‘save’ Ed- it. There’s absolutely no point in and introduced loans, fees and winning. If we remain fractured we inburgh from becoming one standing on the sidelines shout- variable fees. This is a hard time will get nowhere. That is how the ofI its faceless members, and now ing about how rubbish something for higher education and we must government has trodden on us for I’m writing an article in support of is unless you’re prepared to roll up all work together to fight for what so long. We need a national voice, a YES vote. I feel a little bad to be your sleeves and get involved. Yes is right. It’s old, it’s clichéd, but it’s and NUS really is the only show in honest, a bit like I’m somehow be- NUS can be (at times) inefficient true: together we are stronger than town. traying someone or something, but and a touch shady. No that doesn’t what really drives me is the knowl- mean we should dump it and move edge, as a sabbatical, that joining on. NUS is reforming itself. We can NUS is the right thing to do. only influence that, and make sure Tim Goodwin Don’t get me wrong; I’m not it happens, if we are there. If Im- saying that NUS is a perfect or- perial joins now, you can all play ganisation. There are still faults a massive role in reforming our within the juggernaut that is the national union. That, of all things, National Union. Decision-making should be a draw. Got anything you would like to share can still be dominated by factions, When I was running the NO camp procedures and processes are still in Edinburgh we spent a lot of time with our readers? “Don’t get me bizarrely complex, organisation is talking about beer and discounts. I still unfeasibly poor, and commu- am convinced that the things that wrong; I’m not nication is still not up to scratch. really mattered to students during These are all the things that I, as the referendum were beer and dis- Please send all contributions to saying that NUS the head of a NO campaign can- counts. If we joined, would they get nily entitled ‘Students Against the cheaper beer? Would they be able [email protected] is a perfect NUS at Edinburgh (SANE!), cam- to get student rate in clubs back paigned on. home? Would they get the blessed organisation” But what I wasn’t really thinking NUS discount card? But if you ask about (or rather, what I was shy- me now, none of those things really ing away from at the time) was the matter. 10 felix Friday 10 November 2006

NEWS [email protected] “I just cannot betray their interests” Southampton President Ben Rogers talks to Stephen Brown about why the welfare of Southampton students is best served keeping their union out of the NUS and why Imperial students should vote No

Why did Southampton leave the Why were you asked to leave the Do Southampton students have now believes that the NUS have Describe your typical NUS del- NUS? balcony at the NUS conference? problems getting discounts? been scaring students off higher egate and National Exec member. Southampton left the NUS in 2002 Funnily enough I went to NUS con- Very rarely. Businesses care about education by not promoting the From what I have seen the typi- because it was considered very ference to sit on the balcony and student trade, not about the NUS benefits they bring to the poorest cal NUS delegate follows a very bad value for money. Southampton learn about their democracy and logo. Any club or business that our students. The NUS has been scare- predictable set of steps. Step one, could not see any clear reason to how they do things. student have a problem with nor- mongering by presenting a doom forget about all the people you rep- spend the affiliation fee and after I became increasingly disillu- mally one letter or phone call from and gloom picture about student resent. Step two, join a faction that investigation we found out that we sioned and frustrated with their the Union President explaining the debt. interests you. Factions are groups could do everything the NUS sup- whole process and this was cli- situation about the NUS and the Even on its National Demo, where of ‘buddies’ that have similar in- posedly does for us in-house . The maxed by being thrown off the problem is solved. we had a chance to unite, the mes- terests and all gang up and club ‘National Voice’ that we had never balcony. It was during the “ban sage was, again, confused and con- together and make war with other listened to us and was far too radi- Coca-Cola” motion – someone on You may have more money, but flated with many banners saying groups of buddies with interests cal to represent our students. the balcony from a radical group surely this leaves your Union iso- different things. Some were shout- sometimes that differ at only a mi- got upset and started screaming at lated with no external influence? ing for a totally free education, croscopic level. How much have you saved on the chair of conference. As a conse- ‘No external influence’ not at all some were shouting for not lifting Step three is tow the party line affiliation fees and how have you quence the NUS President decided – we are having an influence right the cap on top up fees, some were and vote how your buddies vote, put the money to better use? to throw the 100+ people off the now! Southampton wants a Nation- shouting against top-up fees as a or you’ll be kicked out of the buddy Since we left, we have saved over balcony because they couldn’t deal al Union, but it has tried for so long whole, some were shouting about circle. And that is where represen- £200,000. with one person. This is the way the to change things from the inside. the war and how they should fund tation and democracy fails within We have built a state of the art NUS manages and handles things But nobody listens. If you are not education with this money instead – the NUS. A candidate can come radio station, our AU budget has – abysmally. in a faction you are marginalised. If where is the united message?! This forward with really good ideas and dramatically increased, we have you do not have the support of La- kaleidoscope of opinion just blurred who really could change things… doubled our own Welfare and Edu- What was going on at the bour Students and the other main any sort of united messages the but they will never get voted in if cation campaigns budgets (so we conference? factions your motion will not get NUS wanted to give. Hardly worth they don’t have the support of the can run Ed/Wel campaigns our NUS Conference was the single big- through. The only way the National paying £50,000 for! buddies. And you get support of students want to see and ask for, gest joke I have ever seen in my en- Union will change is if student un- buddies by towing their line and not some NUS forced campaign), tire life. I saw their National Exec ions start to leave. Why do you think What about the rumour that sev- saying things they want to hear… we have doubled our own external explain how they were in £500,000 they swarm campuses whenever a eral Unions threatened to disaf- and then, again, this is where rep- campaigns budget, we have refur- of debt and get off scot-free. No- referendum appears? They need filiate during the lecturers strike resentation fails. bished our nightclub and bars and body holds them to account. If I ran the money to survive. Withdrawing because of the stance the NUS If you are in it for yourself, NUS we are about to start on a capital Southampton into a relative £50,000 this money forces them to listen. was taking? is great because you have so many project to refurbish our shop. of debt I would be grilled and most Southampton has ‘been on its own’ The NUS was originally support- new friends to make. You have loads We have hired more members of likely sacked! for 4 years and just last year alone ing the lecturers in their pay claim. of opportunity to run for all these staff – a postgraduate coordinator I saw the NUS waste time on our President met with the head However the NUS never discussed exciting positions. Everyone claps which has greatly improved our useless ‘No Platform’ policy and I of the AUT, Sally Hunt and was on what its stance should be at con- and cheers you when you decide representation, and a course-rep saw them prioritise the Coca-Cola BBC Breakfast News putting our ference (too busy talking about no to re-affiliate, as was the case with coordinator which means we have debate over the AUT debate. As a students views across during the platform policy and Coca-Cola) and Edinburgh. If I was in it for myself, a very effective rep system set up result, it left them in such a mess strike. There are many ways to get several Unions were outraged. Led I would take Southampton back in now. These are things that make a last year and thousands of students a national voice you just need to be by Exeter Students’ Union a break- today… but when I remember the difference to student’s day to day were disrupted. proactive about it and be proactive away group was almost formed. students I represent, and the state lives on campus. They care about Several Unions were so upset when working with other Unions. Around 30 students unions were that the NUS is in, I can’t do it, I just getting a degree, having a good with the NUS’ stance on the AUT so disillusioned they threatened to cannot betray their interests in this time, and getting a job. strike and their lack of democracy What is your opinion on the NUS withdraw their affiliation fees until way. This is what Southampton Univer- that they threatened to disaffiliate. attitude to top-up fees? the NUS discussed its stance. This I urge all Imperial students to sity Students Union aims at doing, That was very nearly the end of the I think that recent articles have se- is the sort of ‘collective action’ and vote no! You will always be able to and we do it very well, far far better NUS and their so-called effective verely damaged the NUS’s stance ‘national voice’ that Imperial can find like-minded unions, like South- than we ever could in the NUS. ‘National Voice’. on tuition fees. The government buy for only £52,000 a year! hampton, to work with. Eight common myths about the NUS exposed

f I had been around during the The ICU Executive has categorical- as students. The reforms introduced you’re a career politician vying for last referendum, I would prob- ly ruled out affiliating to NUSSL (the last year require 75% of conference a job in NUS”: I am supporting the ably have voted “no”. Back NUS buying consortium that impos- debating time to be devoted to stu- “yes” campaign because I don’t be- then there were serious con- es these restrictions) so we will still dents’ unions, welfare, education lieve that it is in our interests to be cerns about the structure and be able to sell Kit Kats, Pepsi, Real and the NUS itself. The remaining the most isolated student union in financesI of the NUS, along with un- Ale and anything else that takes our time is used to discuss other issues London. When we leave ULU next answered questions regarding ICU’s fancy. that students wish to raise (e.g. Cli- year we will lose our links with the ability to pay the affiliation fee. Since “The NUS is in debt”: Thanks to mate Change, Make Poverty History, few student unions that we regu- then the financial and political cli- major restructuring in recent years, the fair-trade movement and so on). larly interact with (e.g. LSE, UCL, mates within both the NUS and ICU NUS finances are now sound and For the record, none of the motions Kings, etc). This isolation will harm have changed, which is why I have the organisation is no longer in debt. passed at the last conference men- our Union and reduce its ability to do changed my mind and now support Dun and Bradsheet, who specialise tions “Palestine”, “Iraq”, or “George its job, representing the views of its the “yes” campaign. In spite of these in risk assessment, named the NUS W Bush”. members. I have no intention of run- changes, I am still seeing many of “one of the most financially viable or- “We could work with other in- ning for an NUS position (this year’s the old arguments against the NUS ganisations in the sector” last year. dependent unions as an alterna- deadline has passed anyway!). Be- John Collins resurfacing even though most of “The NUS is dominated by polit- tive to joining the NUS”: 98% of sides, I have had enough of student them no longer apply to this debate. ical factions”: The majority of NUS students in Higher Education are politics so I am off to find a proper So, even if your mind is set, please students and officers, including the represented by the NUS. Those in job. allow me to guide you through some current President and several Ex- England that aren’t affiliated are So I say let’s give them a chance: I “On balance I of the myths that I personally believe ecutive committee members, do not Southampton, Sunderland, North- accept that the NUS has its faults – no longer apply to this debate. overtly support any political party ampton, the Open University and all organisations do (including ICU). think that the “We can’t afford the affiliation and stood for election as “Independ- us. The notion that we could form an However, on balance I think that the fee”: We currently pay £79,000 each ents”. Furthermore, although there alliance with these disparate institu- benefits of affiliating to the NUS eas- benefits of year to affiliate to ULU. When we are political elements within the tions to somehow provide a counter- ily outweigh the advantages of stay- leave ULU next year, we could, in NUS just as there are within Impe- balance against the rest of the coun- ing outside. If we join and find that affiliating to theory, use this money to pay for rial’s student body, the consensus try is frankly ridiculous. the NUS really is not for us, then we the £52,000 NUS affiliation fee, leav- within NUS is that there has been “The NUS top up fees policy is can always hold another referen- the NUS easily ing plenty of money spare. The key a shift towards the centre-ground different from ours”: This is simply dum in a couple of years. At the end point is that, unlike last time, clubs within recent years. not true (for details, see my “Live!” of the day I see that NUS as a group outweigh the funding and beer prices would be “NUS conference is dominated article). Anyway, we are and always of students, not too dissimilar from completely unaffected if we affiliate by discussions on foreign policy”: would be free to disagree with the us, who work tirelessly to ensure benefits of to the NUS. Thanks to recent changes, the vast NUS, and from time to time some af- that the voice of students is heard “If we join then I won’t be able to majority of time at conference is al- filiated unions do. so that the lives of those we claim to staying outside” buy Kit Kats from the Union shop”: located to issues that affect students “You’re doing this because represent can be improved. Friday 10 November 2006 felix 11

NEWS [email protected] Tumelty: “I’d like to speak for you” Gemma Tumelty is the NUS National President and the first from a post-1992 university. She was previously a sabbatical officer at Liverpool John Moores University and graduated with a BSc (Hons) in Applied Psychology

’ve been president of NUS since students at Imperial last had highlights: We Make Commercial Sense since July 2006, and already the chance to decide on their mem- We campaign • We produce the NUS Extra card, since then, I’ve spoken as bership to the National Union, and • We carry our campaign work on which gives students a range of the voice of students over 100 a lot has changed in those 5 years, a variety of student issues includ- high street discounts from cloth- times. I’ve got the right to both in the education sector, but ing fairer funding systems, better ing to music and computers. The Ispeak on behalf of UK students be- more importantly inside NUS. student housing and healthcare. Extra card will bring in an addi- cause I lead the National Union of The last few years in NUS have • We have active liberations cam- tional £1,000,000 to students’ un- Students UK, a democratic organi- been spent making the work of the paigns: LGBT, Black Students’, ions across the country, with 40 per sation where policy is decided at National Union more relevant to Womens and Students’ with cent of the profits of the Extra card our Annual Conference, the larg- the needs of our members (stu- Disabilities. being channelled directly back into est democratic conference of it’s dents’ unions) and our member’s • We provide official representa- local students unions to be spent kind. The NUS President speaks member’s (students) – just like tion to government and national as each local union deems best. on behalf of the largest democratic you. NUS is widely recognised bodies. The list goes on…. but I’ll leave student movement in the world. as the leading educational pres- • NUS representatives sit on gov- it there. I believe that students at I’ve spoken to Ministers, to Gov- sure group representing students ernmental committees and provide Imperial will benefit enormously Gemma Tumelty ernment officials and to numerous throughout the UK. evidence which is used to shape from joining with hundreds of oth- broadcast and print media. When We talk weekly to the government policies and inform legislation. er unions to campaign for those I’m asked to speak, what I say re- on behalf of students, we talk daily • We produce research on student things that affect us all. As we set flects and represents the ‘voice of to the media on behalf of students, issues for publication, to raise pub- up and develop the London Stu- UK students’, the sad thing is, when and we talk hourly to a wide range lic awareness of issues affecting dent Assembly to ensure the voice I’m thinking of what to say, I never of national bodies and organisa- students today. of London students is articulated “You can change think about Imperial’s words, what tions such as Universities UK on directly to the GLA, as we con- Imperial students want, what Im- behalf of students. We are the rec- We strengthen local union tinue to meet with TfL to enhance that, you can perial students need. I’ve no way ognised national voice of students activity and sharpen the discount package to hear your voice, you don’t talk to across the UK, and right now, not • We have a Development Projects for London students and as we speak to me, so me, you are not my member. You only are Imperial College Union Unit, allowing your student ac- continue to lobby locally and na- can change that, you can speak to not part of that national voice, the tivities to benefit from training, to tionally on behalf of students, I’d that I can speak me, so that I can speak for you…. concerns and views of Imperial network and share ideas through be delighted to be able to speak out How? Just vote yes to NUS. Students are not considered. This Stadia. for you too. Not only that, but as for you. How? I want to say how much I am is your chance to change that! • We provide research and infor- NUS President I know more than looking forward to the upcoming NUS campaigns and represents mation, support and advice for anyone, that my organisation can Just vote yes to affiliation referendum at Imperial. on all issues that affect students your union officers on virtually any never reach its full potential un- It will give this generation of Im- as students, but we also do much area of education and student life, til we can truly claim to speak for NUS” perial students a chance missed much more. I recommend that from housing to franchise courses, every student, in every college and by the generations before – to sign those of you who want to know student funding to women’s issues. university. I hope you will use your both themselves and their union more look at our two websites There are also special projects on vote in this referendum to bring up to the wide range of benefits www.officeronline.co.uk and www. accommodation costs and student that vision closer to reality. that NUS offers. It has been 5 years nusonline.co.uk. Here are the health.

My experience of the NUS and its campaigning

wrote in Felix recently about were just one union – all of this It is for this reason that the only all methods of charging for their my concerns with NUS, and was arranged without NUS. It’s line NUS will take on the student education” my belief that come the ref- also interesting to see people funding issue is that of no-fees and Neither of these two types of mo- erendum the vote should be describe Imperial students as full grants. When I attended one of tion are terribly helpful. One does NO! Firstly, it would be ter- apathetical as several have done the Mass Lobbies of Parliament I what they’d do anyway, and the riblyI arrogant of me to assume to to me – exactly the same charge was inside Parliament, speaking other is understandably popular, know much about Imperial Col- was constantly laid on Durham to MPs and trying to convince but avoids having a proper debate lege Union at all – I have been students. We can still have a voice them that the bill on the table was about what we will and what we here for all of six weeks and in that – all it takes is work from the ICU broken and needed fixing. Some won’t accept as a funding proposal time have had little opportunity to sabbs, and I see no evidence that on the NEC were helping, but oth- for students. One cannot usefully delve into ICU. So, you might ask, they are not capable of this. ers seemed much more interest- engage with politicians or other how can I have to audacity to state We need not work on our own ing in protesting outside. When opinion-formers without a well I know what’s best for the union – there are many unions who I’m one of the NEC sat down in the thought out policy. While at Dur- regarding NUS? sure would be happy to work with road outside Parliament and in- ham NUS were great at providing The answer to this is simple us on targeted campaigns. We are, me with placards and posters, but – I have plenty of NUS experience, of course, still able to work with very poor at providing me with an- and spent a year as the sabbatical our friends at other colleges in “We shouldn’t ything to actively engage with the Tom Page president of Durham Students’ London on relevant issues – good decision makers. Union (DSU). It is NUS that is unions will work with other unions join NUS One of the biggest troubles with broken, not Imperial. However, because they agree on a key prin- NUS is that the constituent unions I would not recommend mouldy cipal, not because they happen to because there’s are all so different – a Further Ed- food, a derelict property, the music be a member of NUS. ucation union receiving next-to- of James Blunt or NUS to anyone, When the topic of our voice on nothing better no money and with no facilities is simply because all of these things the national arena is raised we in an entirely different world from are a detrimental item to acquire also need to look at a second point of comparable a large HE union. They will often regardless of your current status. – is NUS the voice we want? Last have very different policy views, One of the concerns raised has time I wrote I talked about the scale.” which is partly why when NUS “We can still been that we would have no rep- dysfunction of NUS’ annual Na- make policy it’s so bland or popu- resentation should we not join. tional Conference (NC). I don’t so-doing infuriated the (otherwise list – it’s about the only way you have a voice – all This argument doesn’t hold wa- want to pretend there is nothing highly supportive) members of the can get an agreement. ter for two reasons. Firstly, it is more to NUS, but it’s critical to public it made me want to cry. I don’t think this is a voice that it takes is work indeed possible to have a voice as realise that NUS policy is decid- The atmosphere of NUS con- will actively speak for Imperial. a single union. While the Higher ed by NC, and effectively by NC ference means that one of two We shouldn’t join NUS because from the ICU Education Act 2004 was being dis- alone. The regional conferences motions get passed – the so-obvi- there’s nothing better of compara- cussed Durham got several BBC (of which there are three a year) ous-it-hurts motion, e.g. “To work ble scale. It’s a terrible reason; one sabbs” interviews, including national are a better opportunity to talk positively to improve the student that is logically deficient. However news at six, they interviewed us to NUS exec members (known as experience in halls of residence”, much we might desire it, we can- in our Union, we got spots on lo- the NEC), but they have no policy- something you’d hope NUS would not fix NUS by joining it. We can, cal radio and they did a follow up setting power. This means that do even if they had no policy on however, spend the £50k+ a year peace on TV with us after the bill NUS principles for the year are it, or the rousing rhetoric “Con- on projects in welfare, campaign- was enacted. decided by the farce of National tinue campaigning for…grants ing and facilities and get the very It’s worth emphasising that we Conference. covering living cost [&] an end to best for students at Imperial. 12 felix Friday 10 November 2006

NEWS [email protected] Vote Yes to No marketisation, says NUS NUS, says NUS VP Education Wes Streeting explains the NUS opposition to variable fees Shiv Chopra

he introduction of ‘top- much as he can to generate more that the voice of Imperial’s students rom the very first day at up’ tuition fees this year income. NUS argues that Imperial will be heard anyway. As a former University I was disap- has tripled the cost of needs additional funding to remain president of Cambridge University pointed. Not because I Higher Education for a world class scientific institution; Students’ Union I can tell you from had joined a University thousands of students NUS does not argue with variable experience that from the press renowned for its poor Tand will see the class of ’06 graduat- funding for institutions, but we do (where it matters less), to the edu- Fmale: female ratio and its fake ing with debts in excess of £30,000. oppose variable fees for students. cation sector and government de- ethos of “Work hard, work harder” This is just the thin end of the There are other challenges fac- cision makers (where it matters but for the fact that we were not wedge of a project of marketisation ing the education sector. Over the more), NUS is the only body with part of the NUS. that seeks to pass the cost of edu- next two years I will be sitting on the collective clout to make a differ- At the time I did not know of the cation onto individual students and the Universities UK delivery part- ence and affect policy change. NUS history behind IC’s link with the their families. Already, some vice- nership steering group, bringing is the only show in town. NUS or realised it was something Wes Streeting chancellors and rectors, including together stakeholders from across Some in this referendum cam- we had to pay to join. For me and Imperial’s very own Richard Sykes, the education sector, to fundamen- paign will argue that ICU doesn’t my post sixth form mind, NUS are lobbying for this cap to be raised tally reform and reshape the High- need NUS, that its membership meant one thing and one thing – or even lifted altogether. er Education admissions system. of the Aldwych Group (students’ only…discounts! This term, NUS mobilised over Just another national body NUS unions of the Russell Group) can I believe that it is this very point 10,000 students from across the attends; but with it, the chance to guarantee you a national voice that our students, especially our UK for a national demonstration implement a post-qualification ap- without the need for NUS affilia- new freshers, associate the NUS and rally in central London. This plication system that will radically tion. As a former chair of the Ald- to. For many years I have felt “Imperial is not the centre-piece of our battle level the playing field to ensure wych Group I can tell you from ex- the bitter rejection of my Impe- to prevent the lifting of the cap, it that every applicant to university is perience that as a body for bringing rial College swipe card at the tills students need to is merely the beginning. Over the treated fairly. similar students’ unions together and the situation is only getting next three years we will be building We have also been playing a lead- to share common experiences it’s worse! Only last week at Subway be clear: a full the research, evidence and argu- ing role in the reform of the de- a useful forum, but in the media sandwiches, the very staple diet ments we will need to win, build- gree classification system, quality and within the education sector, it of many a student, began to en- market in Higher ing in our campaigning action with assurance mechanisms and have barely makes an impact. NUS is force discounted prices on those a focussed, strategic and targeted board seats on the Quality Assur- the only body with representation bearing the NUS card only. How Education will lobbying campaign that will see ance Agency, Higher Education in the right places to make a differ- dare they prevent me from enjoy- the inboxes and mailboxes of every Academy and the Office of the In- ence and affect policy change. NUS ing a toasted BMT at a cut price! damage access Peer and Member of Parliament dependent Adjudicator. is the only show in town. Yet, if we are not members of the full in the run up to the crucial par- All of this work nationally, has a In the faces of the challenges club we cannot reap the benefits. to Imperial liamentary vote in 2009. direct impact on students locally. ahead, you need a strong national Yes, HMV and Virgin have begun Imperial students need to be Only by being members of NUS can campaigning voice to represent to tackle this problem by creat- College more clear: a full market in Higher you shape it. you on the issues that matter. We ing their own student cards but Education will damage access to Some in this referendum cam- want you to play your part at the I would rather carry one single than most Imperial College more than most paign will argue that ICU doesn’t forefront of the largest student card than a card for every single places. Your rector has already need NUS, that its parent body is movement in the world. Vote YES store I go to. places” made it clear that he will charge as prestigious enough to guarantee to the NUS. I hate to think of the amount we could have saved throughout our student lifetime, if we had access to the card sooner? This fact is now becoming more important for our new cohort of students as they Self-destruct, then we’ll join the NUS pay tuition fees currently at near- ly four times the amount set a few years ago. Imagine the situation ’ll get my own personal opin- but they always have to attract sup- FE bodies. for medical students or those con- ion on the referendum off my port from one of the large groups, Another elephant in the room tinuing with their studies…over chest first. I urge you all to go the so-called “Independent” Presi- is that the NUS has not come to five years of financial pain. out and vote NO! next week. dent only won because of the sup- terms with devolution in the UK. The card is just one aspect of I think that affiliating would port she secured from Labour As a proud Scotsman it pains me the NUS, what about their repre- Ibe a huge mistake and a poor use Students). In the age of online vot- to say that it needs to tell the Scots sentation? Let me now refer to of the limited resourses we have. ing, why do we need to have NUS to go home. There is no more need Tom Page’s article in Felix on the What both sides of this debate seem Officers elected by only those who for delegates from Scottish unions 3rd of November. His experience to agree on is that the NUS needs attend conference? To me, the NUS to attend National Conference than at the National NUS conferences reform. The only quibbling seems method will only result in officers there is for delegates from a for- paints the organisation as farce to be over our ability to drive this and policies even further alienated eign country now that education with members there for their own change. The starry-eyed Yes! camp from the people they purport to rep- policy is now the responsibility of political gains. This maybe true, seem to think that the addition of resent. Why not open voting on sen- the parliament in Edinburgh. A stu- but surely with a force such as 12,000 of us will result in massive ior officers to all students? Surely dent in London needs to speak to Imperial College attending these changes. Naturally, my colleagues this is far more democratic than Westminster, a student in Glasgow conferences as well as a new look Stephen Brown and I from The A-NUS Coalition are letting a handful of self-interested does not. End of story. I suspect the NUS system in place, things can somewhat more sceptical about the politicians pick “their” person? only reason that my countryman only get better. influence that Imperial will have in Now that we don’t have lackeys are allowed to stay is because sen- I strongly believe that Imperial such an inefficient monolith. propped up by some incredibly fash- ior NUS officers love to grandstand needs to be part of a support net- However, no-one has said what ionable left-wing pressure group in to students in disaffiliation referen- work and cannot afford to stand they mean by reform. I have a fun- charge we can consider problem dums that they “represent 5 million alone after we leave ULU. The ny feeling that some might class it number two The NUS represents students.” This is just another ex- NUS will also aid our relationship as renaming the influential Labour far too large a cross section of stu- ample of the NUS being more about with the British Medical Associa- “If they grow up Students faction as “New” Labour dents. Most affiliates are sixth-form political ego-stroking than ordinary tion (BMA), as the NUS provides Students. The more I have studied or FE colleges. Do they not get pis- students. As a staunch (British) strong representation for medical I might consider the NUS the more horrified I have sed off with them banging on about unionist it is funny saying this but students within the BMA. Last become with how useless an organ- top-up fees all the time? I, some- NUS Scotland should break away year it seemed that the BMA were voting Yes in the isation it is in its current form but what flippantly, asked a member of completely. not supporting London medical I do recognise that it has potential. the Yes! campaign what exactly Im- Now the creative destruction of schools in the recent job applica- future, but only Who wouldn’t want a strong nation- perial College had in common with the NUS is complete. We have 4 tion scheme. More direct links al student body that was effective in a lot of the other NUS members, his separate bodies, two north of the to the organisation will create a if the new HE- representing us? I don’t want you to reply was “we are all exempt from border with these parts enjoying far stronger voice for Imperial and think that A-NUS are pessimistic, council tax” (one of the historical greater influence than the whole. London at a national level. England NUS so im going to lay out my main con- achievements of the NUS, sad thing The NUS will only be effective if it Yes the NUS will cost, but it costs cerns with the NUS and what could is they have done so little since they has the respect of students and po- less than ULU which we’re leav- doesn’t have the be done to address them. are still parading it as an example liticans. At the moment I suspect ing and frankly we get more for The main problem with the NUS of a triumph). Whilst he is spot on, that both groups consider it to be our money. The NUS has its faults cheek to charge is that it is dominated by factional this is hardly a massive overlap. a laughing stock. So vote NO! and like any organisation but Imperial interests. This is what happens Perhaps he could have followed up send them homewards to think being part of the group will only for use of its when you put a load of people who with “oh, and we all use pens and again. If they grow up I might con- strengthen it and more impor- are politically inclined in one room. pencils?” The current grouping is sider voting Yes in the future, but tantly, strengthen us. So vote for discount card” They seem to feel the need to gang just too large for it to be an effec- only if the new HE-England NUS representation, vote for savings up along religious or party political tive lobbying group for us. The NUS dosen’t have the cheek to charge for and vote for a stronger Imperial! lines (you get the odd independent, must spit into independent HE and use of its discount card. Vote NO! Vote Yes on November 14th. unionpage

NUS Referendum Voting takes place this week This week sees one of the most important votes on the future of the Union for many years. It is important that you do vote and also make an informed decision. For those of you who missed the hustings last week, please take time to look at both sides of the argument.

If there is not enough discussion in this issue of Felix, then why not look at the excellent NUS Referendum mini-site from Live!. You can access this by going to http://live.cgcu.net/nus.

Voting takes place, as always, online at imperialcollegeunion.org/vote. 0000 hrs Tuesday 14th November Online voting opens.

2359 hrs Thursday 16th November Online voting closes.

1900 hrs Friday 17th November Referendum result announced.

Union Building Redevelopment Update on the work schedule As all of you who have visited the Union this year will realise, there is an extensive program of works taking place in the Union Building. The work started on the 1st August and initially work was focused on da Vinciʼs. This work included new doors to the Quad, new paving approaches for disabled access to all doors, and the removal of the raised area within the bar.

This work was fi nished in time for Freshersʼ Week and further improvements will be made to da Vinciʼs over the Christmas break, when new bespoke furniture will be installed thus completing all planned work for this phase.

The central core work will provide: • a new 13 person lift to comply with Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) requirements.

• new doors on all fl oors that conform with the DDA.

• an extension of the mezzanine on the 2nd fl oor to support the shaft for the new lift and provide changing rooms for a new gymnasium to be constructed on the 3rd fl oor in a future phase.

• sympathetic refurbishment to retain, as far as possible the character of the early twentieth century parts of the building in its unique tudor revival style.

Unfortunately due to unanticipated construction issues, including the discovery of small areas of asbestos, the work has been delayed. However, the contractors are confi dent that current progress, including Saturday working when possible will get the programme back on track. All work is expected to be completed by early March 2007, when the lift car will be installed. Access to the central core will be available from next term.

Vacant Council Positions Want Some Extra Cash? There are four positions vacant on the Union Council that we will be electing at the next Council Meeting this Monday. Casual Jobs Available

Welfare Campaigns Offi cer (1 position) Postgraduate Engineering Faculty Councillor (1 position) If you live in Halls, we are looking for some outgoing and sociable party people. Undergraduate Natural Sciences Faculty Councillor (2 positions) We need a team of Hall runners to help us promote our ents and venue. Elections will be held on Monday 13th November at 18:30 in 220 Mechanical Engineering. If you wish to stand for any of these positions then please contact John Collins at Interested? Contact Yun at [email protected] [email protected].

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB imperialcollegeunion.org Tel: 020 7594 8060 last opportunity limitless possibilities [24th November 2006]

There’s still time to apply for a career with Merrill Lynch – but not for long! So if you are looking for a strong foundation where you can explore diverse career options whilst working alongside industry-leading professionals, it’s time to move ahead. Expect to be a contributor, a collaborator and a colleague.

Above all, expect to be challenged.

Apply online at: ml.com/careers/europe

Full-time programme application deadline: Friday 24 November 2006 by 5pm (GMT)

Merrill Lynch is an equal opportunity employer

ml.com/careers/europe Friday 10th November 2006 Friday 10th November in the east end the east in the cooper temple clause the cooper a guide to ripping from CDs CDs from to ripping a guide gig listings listings gig reviews ffelixffemmelixe musicmusicm mmonthlyonthly m Friday 10th November 2006 femm 2

down on. Not only do we have more content sis for an amalgamation of shit indie and to give you we also have some Diesel Music even shitter rave. Hard electro is the only Awards 2006 canvas bags to give to you. We way to go, and that rhymes so it must be ffemmemm have a lot of them and I can’t remember why, true. But in fitting with the mention of this someone may have been drunk and logged new genre I decided to unearth the part of Friday 13th October onto Ebay. Anyway, all you need to do to get London where a lot of this hyperbole came a bag is e-mail [email protected] from ie, Shoreditch and Hoxton. Sure Matty Hoban Music Editor in- with the title, “I would like a Diesel bag so enough, Trash is on New Oxford St but a Chief Jenny Gibson & Thomas don’t make me bleed you!” It’s that easy, so lot of the scenesters have emerged from Whitson Public Relations Music e-mail us to get a nice hard-wearing bag to the east. I actually like a lot of what is hap- Editors carry your overly burdensome books in. pening in East London at the minute with According to some of my friends, my photo various alternative and avant garde shows

makes me look fatter than in real life. I can happening. I know the idea of Imperial sci- assure you that in reality I am hunky, 7’6” entists embracing those good-for-nothing Portuguese body-boarder. But this is ir- arty types is repugnant, and truth be told r e v i e w s 4 relevant. I also said in Felix last week that a lot of those artists are tedius (just watch I was going to put in a feature of the inde- Nathan Barley), but only good can come pendent music media in this issue of Femm. out of it. Otherwise they’ll keep inventing I’m sorry to inform you that said article will genres and drive us all insane. Matty Hoban not feature until December since I ran out There is another Kids Will Be Skeletons of space in this issue. I hope you can wait gig night on Thursday 16th November until then. with Yuchi from Brighton headlining and ello and welcome to another I have noticed lately that this new genre two brilliant London bands (Silent Front Femm. This one proves to be called ‘New-Rave’ seems to be on every- and The Sailplanes) supporting. £2 to get bigger than the last with a tasty body’s lips (or just NME’s). It does make in and a lot of fun and giggles to be had. amount of musically-related me guffaw that having a guitar band use Come on down and pester me, or hug me, editorial H goodness for you to munch acid house sirens (The Klaxons) is the ba- I like hugs. Have a good read.

Raconteurs at Brixton Academy: “As they play it's clear to see that just install EAC and unzip the LAME encod- peating that thousands of times, the final they are true musicians toying er into its directory (or anywhere else you image would be totally horrendous). with their songs throughout the won’t delete it). Now open up EAC and go to Of course, if you want to go all out and set, deconstructing them and EAC then Compression Options and select unlock your mp3s completely without any adding new depths to the album the External Compression tab. Now select loss in sound quality then you can, by using tracks.” ‘use external program for compression’ box, some clever script that does it all automat- select LAME from the dropdown menu then ically for you! There are two lossless DRM below that, find where you’ve unzipped the removal programs available, the first (and LAME encoder .exe file to. For the bitrate best) is JHymn which is a free protection select 192 or above (unless you want horren- removal program, that even keeps the features 6 dous quality tracks), you can also select var- metadata of the tracks (song name, track iable bit rate which basically increases the number, album etc.) in the resulting mp3. bit rate in certain, more complex parts of a Unfortunately this only works with iTunes song, and reduces it in simpler parts making 3, 4 and 5 so if you’re using iTunes 6 you for a smaller file size. need to use the second removal tool avail- If the instructions for installation were too able, QTFairUse 6. The only drawback brief I apologise, but there is a configuration with this one is that it’s a Python script, wizard and help files you can use if you need so you need to know some stuff about that more info, so onto the actual stuff in the pro- to actually use it, also it doesn’t keep the Gregory Mead gram. If you look in the compression options metadata from the tracks, so you’d need to there’s a host of useful things, most of them go through all the mp3’s re-naming them, pretty self-explanatory so just check them but then, who cares? That’ll only take 30 o, you’re hoping to get that shiny out, one nice option is you can select your minutes or so for your whole collection. new 15,000 GB mp3 player that fits own format for file naming of the mp3’s and Using these tools is the best and quick- into your wallet for Christmas, but you can even save the uncompressed .wav est way to unprotect your mp3s. It takes Casey Cohen, founder of the Yel- alas, all your music is still stuck on files if you want to fill your hardrive up with much less time than ripping a CD, and low Bird Project: “I’m not trying the archaic format of a CD, or even maximum quality music. Once you’ve de- does not lose any sound quality. So, what to change the world, I’m just try- worseS the prehistoric vinyl record. What’s cided all your options, just put your CD in are you waiting for? Throw away that ing to make a difference in peo- more you don’t want to use the crappy rip- the drive and rip away. You can even use the crappy iPod with its retarded battery and ple’s lives in the same kind of ping software that comes with either itunes FreeDB option to automatically detect your go buy a decent mp3 player. And one more way that these artists do.” or God forbid, Windows Media Player to album and name all the songs correctly. thing, remember kids, don’t aid music pi- convert your favourite tunes to computer Another handy function of the program is racy, sharing 15,000 audio tracks online is format. being able to compress stored .wav files into silly, plus you might get in trouble as Apple First things first, this beautiful article will mp3 so if you’ve decided to record some vi- have more money than you poor students not only teach all you crazy kids how to rip nyl onto your pc using an audio cable or are for lawyers. There are consequences to a nice mp3 and what all those weird options stealing music from MySpace by recording going around and being careless with ar- mean (using some decent free encoders) but it, you can make it into a nice, small mp3 and tistic works. we’ll also show a few clever ways of getting not some hideous 60Mb .wav file. Once it’s rid of that pesky DRM protection you get on ripped and compressed, bask in the sound of iTunes mp3s that you’ve bought from their superior, un-Apple/Microsoft tainted mp3s. online store so you don’t have to use one of For those of you who prefer to buy your those stinking iPods to listen to it, and you mp3s directly from iTunes Music Store and can even send them to your mates if you feel bypass those stupid CDs, you may have no- like running some sort of charity. ticed that some of their files have that an- Hooray, let’s start with the illegalness. Re- noying Digital Rights Management protec- member kids, downloading music is illegal tion on them, meaning you can’t play your and it destroys everyone involved in the mu- mp3s on anything other than an iPod, or a “It is full of art students, bad sic industry especially the directors of the couple of computers with iTunes installed. haircuts and tight-fitting gar- big record companies who might only earn a That’s a bit annoying so our next section is ments. So naturally it is a hive for £34m salary this year because of it, so if you how to remove it, resulting in lovely playable numerous musos and brilliant, try any of this, you are going straight to hell mp3s (although instead of doing this I’d sug- small gigs, Femm takes you on for eternity. Sweet. gest you just buy your mp3s from e-Music or a magical journey through Lon- MP3 encoding can be confusing for the some other store that does not claim own- don’s East End.” PAGE 10 newcomer, although since we’re at Imperial ership of the items you’ve paid for). We’re College, I’m sure most of you know every- going to ignore the ultra-time-consuming thing there is to know and could probably method of real-time recording of the mp3 program your own encoder with your eyes as a .wav then re-encoding it, that’s just silly Also in this month’s issue we shut, but I’m writing this article for the unless you only want to do a single song. interview The Cooper Tem- benefit of those who can’t do that (yep, ge- The first method is the simplest, but also ple Clause and Battle at a ologists and the dudes at Wye). Who would results in a small (although sometimes in- recent gig at Camden Koko. audible) loss in sound quality. Just burn your We have a page devoted to like to be a bit more adventurous than use listings of gigs that you may the built in ripping software in their media album of mp3s as an Audio CD then simply not have known about. The player, and enjoy the host of new options rip it back to mp3. This will remove any DRM listings is a new feature so available to you when using a good compres- from the files leaving you with proper mp3s, any apologies for inaccura- sion software. So before you start, go down- but is unfortunately somewhat wasteful of cies and limit to the cover- load EAC (Exact Audio Copier) and LAME CDs (unless you use a re-writable CD), time age. If you can help then encoder (all links at the end of the article), consuming, and as mentioned, re-encoding come and join the team! I assume you all know how to install some an mp3 results in a loss of quality (imagine

bitrate software so we won’t go through that part, making a photocopy of a photocopy and re- It’s a flattened iPod and still looks nice 3 femm Friday 10th November 2006 columns idea down (which has been rattling around singer-songwriters (touring with session in my head for a while) after seeing the Alt musicians doesn’t count) but not shit. One Music Soc’s first Kids Will Be Skeletons club of the most unique voices in music belongs night at the union. The first band on was in to Martin Grech (www.myspace.com/mar- fact one man (Black Static Transmission, tingrechofficial), who on his MySpace www.myspace.com/blackstatictransmis- page is described as “Alternative/Indus- sion), but you would never have guessed it trial/Progressive”. On his first album if you were blindfolded. He built up an excit- Open Heart Zoo he showcased his amaz- ing wall of post-rock noise with just a guitar ing screaming falsetto amid itchy alterna- (um, and a universe of effects pedals) and a tive rock, and, ahem, epic soundscapes. looping device. His live shows were getting progressively A current favourite of mine is Jeremy more frantic and heavy, so by his second Warmsley (www.myspace.com/jeremy- album Unholy he was producing dark in- warmsley) who has just released his saintly dustrial metal, with so much space that album The Art of Friction. He writes using it was truly a special and unique album. a guitar and a laptop, to create wonderfully Doesn’t sound your cup of tea? Well he also fractured, inventive indie music. Often it’s frequently peppers his fans with haunting bursting with energy, and I love the way he one-man-and-a-guitar EPs. mashes instruments to bits with his com- So there is some listening fodder for you. James Millen puting machine. Another bedroom genius is Do you play the guitar but are not skilled everyone’s favourite diminutive inde-disco enough to get your ideas out of your head? mop head Tom Vek (www.tomvek.tv for a Try using a computer to help you, think f there is one thing that strikes the change). Similarly to Mr Warmsley he com- outside the box. A technophobe? Then fear of God into me it is the hyphen- poses using a bass guitar and a computer, there are actually a few good traditional ated word ‘singer-songwriter’. I would but cuts a funkier sound. In some places his singer-songwriters out there (Liam Frost, rather fill my brain cavity with whole debut We Have Sound is scratchily retro, in Devendra Banhart, David Ford, Tom pickled monkey testicles via my nose others dirtily modern. McRae). Maybe in a few years people will Ithan have to listen to Damian Rice, Katie There are a host of laptop wizards, but be getting excited about your music, and Melua, Jack Johnson, K T Tunstall, James that’s not really the point I’m trying to make, you wont have to split your earning five Blunt, Joss Stone, Jamie Cullum etc. I’m I’m talking about the people who strictly are ways! not even sure if all of them write their own songs. When these people decide they want to go solo they seem to lose all imagination, all vision and a big chunk of the enthusiasm that was necessary for them to get where they are. However, a band can also be a very stifling place creatively. Often there is an individual who has the real talent, which is diluted by his or her band mates wanting their share of the action. Like any team there have to be compromises, and in many cases this leads to the total implosion of the group. Another consequence of this is that it tends to lead to a band having a ‘sound’. In the vast major- ity of cases you can tell the band solely by their music (vocals are often distinctive, so ignore them for now), which is not always a bad thing. By album six however it’s pretty trying, and boring! Bands are in a market, they are providing a service, they have a re- sponsibility to be interesting to listen to. So the thrust of this article is that all singer-songwriters are crap, and all bands are crap. Give up now, and take embroidery classes. Actually the thrust of this article is that there are many one-man bands out there who have kept the torch of innovation burn- ing, and with a bit of effort maybe you could be one of them. I was prompted to write this Devendra Banhart looking whimsical, prizes for guessing what he is entranced by

trying to fast here. Not that this afflicts only the enduring works to be unbearable the one medium - for one thing, apparently suggesting that, in fact, modern music is television has been going downhill ever far better than that of any previous era. since its inception, which would suggest This, too, misses the point - the weird that such classics as The Black and White and unconventional works of an era are, Minstrel Show or It's That Man Again stand by and large, forgotten or worse still, un- head and shoulders above the dross peddled recognised even at the time. This makes out decades down the line such as Cracker tracking them down very difficult indeed or The West Wing rather than being a sheer and stumbling across them is essentially embarassment even to contemplate. impossible. It's only natural for people to calim that In an age where getting hold of certain things were better in their youth because, releases is a lost cause even within the often, that's true for the individual. But in- week of their release, even despite the creasingly common is a trend for youngsters ease of modern distribution and the won- (such as our esteemed music editor himself) ders of internet piracy, what hope is there to come out with the same old sorely-mis- of finding an obscure work of genius re- guided nonsense. leased decades before? Or even of know- The simple truth is that the music that ing about it, given the lack of the modern lasts is that which is most popular at the paper-trail that comes with all-but the Hugh Mansfield time and, unsurprisingly, is most likely to most low-key of self-released works? remain popular in the present day. Conse- The tragedy is that while the works of quently, all that is remembered of any by- Buddy Holly or Abba are likely to endure

odern music is dreadful. gone era is that which was popular, which is fair longer than those of the Tornados They don't make it like they why Citizen Kane is still watched to this day, or Leiutenant Pigeon, even those are used to. This is just noise. whereas How Green Was My Valley isn't. amongst the lucky ones still to be remem- You can't even make out the As a result, we end up comparing the en- bered. Those who claim there is in some words. Bring back rationing tirety of modern music, which is fresh in the way a deterioration in popular culture Mand/or hanging. And so on, ad nauseam. memory (for better or for worse), with the miss out the crucial factor - that there is Accusations of dumbing down or such- enduring classics of any given era, rather a range of choice to modern media that is like in music have been around every bit as than comparing like with like and consider- increasingly no longer available to older long as music itself has been - no sooner did ing the dregs of each every bit as much as works as time goes by, so no matter how Pope Gregory come up with plainsong than the cream. good it may seem to some, it is nonethe- congregations started muttering that it was Conversely, those who dislike the popu- less dreadfully limited and those who lose a poor successor to monotone chanting and lar works of the present every bit as much out in such situations are most certainly

opinion could'st thou turn it down, some of us are as those of the past (such as, say, me) find not them. How terribly selfish. live King’s CollegeLondon SU The Grates Femm Femm Brixton in thrill The Raconteurs bad thing,it'safantasticalbum. entirety -notthatwouldbea to play hour andahalfset,they'dhave possibly beabletofillanentire hind themIwonderhowtheywill song. With onlyonealbumbe- with theirWild West entrance teurs hitthepitchblackstage port actBigbang,TheRacon- sup- folk/retro-rock Norwegian continuing theirfantasticyear. show wastobenoexception, Festival.at TheLeeds Tonight's vals includingamindblowingset string ofmassivegigsandfesti- along theway. They'veplayeda ering plentyofcriticalacclaim number twointheUKandgath- Soldiers Their debutalbum the yearthey'vebeentogether. to impressthemusicworldin The Raconteurshavedonealot The BrixtonAcademy Raconteurs of firstsong, ple over. Ifeltthattheirchoice The Grates. think wouldhavebettersuited the atmosphereofaparty, thatI fans, whichwouldhavehadmore fun hadtheroombeenfilledwith I thinkitwouldhavebeenmore Patience, leadsinger–although here I’mactuallymeditating” mosphere –“I’msorelaxedout relaxedat- the gigawonderfully row ortwoofpeople;thisgave ally onlytobefoundinthefirst them fromAustralia) werere- plenty ofspace.Fans (manyof therewas being atthebarrier It wasn’t soldout,anddespite this gigwasnodisappointment. Yeah Yeahs. With thatinmind, both beyourownPETandYeah comparisons havebeenmadeto tainly, butgoodpop,andpositive and energeticsongs.Pop, cer- known fortheirsimple,catchy from Brisbane,Australia, are The Grates,athree-pieceband the end (anyoneinJuggling Soc this baton thingwith a ribbonon case of wanted todo something. Inthe ate. However, sheobviously still does wouldbeclearlyinappropri- songs inwhichdancingas Pae song’s catchydrumming. minuteofthe enjoying every Alana, thedrummer, seemingly perhaps surprisingly, absent). breathlessness thankfully, and the stage(whilesinging–with dancing andjumpingaround be, butstilldoinghertrademark rest oftheset–Pae, relaxedmay- good one.Itsetthetonefor After a great warm upfrom agreatwarm After That said,theysoonwonpeo- Even TheGratesdohavesome Broken BoySoldiers hitthetopten,reaching Rock Boys Trampoline, enjoys indie super-groups, grating and some disco panicking disco andsome grating indiesuper-groups, enjoys , shetwirled Broken Boy wasa inits The Grates (top);The Bishops(bottom) magical set. playing whatcanonlybedescribedasa be? Afantasticbandoftalentedmusicians andwhowouldn't by tonight'sperformance, you couldtelltheyweremorethansatisfied that isevenmoremagicallivethanonCD. twisting introbuildstoafantasticcrescendo Blue Veins to it,almostdoublingitslength.For afinale with thetrackbreakingitdownandadding Bang They eventakeonacoverofSonnyBono's and addingnewdepthstothealbumtracks. them throughout theset,deconstructing musicianstoyingwiththeirsongs are true next hour. seem tomesmerizetheentirecrowdfor they areperfect, complex vocalharmonies on theirdebutalbumflawlessly, eventhe Playing throughthemajorityoftracks sheer showmanshipthatthebanddisplays. same way, withthecrowdclearlyloving Academy. Theshowcontinuesinmuchthe responsefromthesoldoutBrixton served a brilliantsongthatgetshugeandwellde- trance, theybeginwith people inthefirstrow. For down atthefrontofstageandsangto thought. For muchof care totellmewhatitis?),goodeffect,I the waitforencorewasbrief.Playing an encoreinfavourofadrinkwithfans)–so 20 (althoughtheyhavebeenknowntoskip playing firstandmostfamoussingle,1920 ous thattheyweren’t goingtoleavewithout them, andmakepeopleenjoythemselves. even withonethatdoesn’t particularlyknow They havearealconnectionwiththecrowd, what makesTheGratesreallyspeciallive. the howlingatend.For me,itisthis the mictocrowdandletthemtakeover ROBIN ANDREWS As thecrowdslowlyfiledoutofbuilding As theyplayit'scleartoseethat theirprolongedfeedbackladenen- After Finishing on was afantasticchoice;it'sslow togreateffect.Againtheytoy InsideOutside IAmSiam Intimate Secretary Intimate Secretary Thomas Whitson Howl , itwasobvi- , shepassed sheknelt grate, sorry, greatevening. think itreallyaddedsomethingtoanalready happened at,well,mostgigs,actually, andI This issomethingthatreallycouldn’t have viously, butmostlyjustchattingwithfans. mingling –afewautographsandphotos,ob- crowd. Whatwasgreatthatitreally appeared, minglingamongsttheremaining hops. along withPae’s distinctive19,–20,20bunny distinctive guitarintroductionwasplayed, who weren’t fans)becameexcitedwithit’s to me just twosongsintheencore( Ah thefamousproblemofwhoisgoingtosolofirst,solution:nosolos TOM WHITSON Time toDance set withadoubleopenerconsisting of went offbeforePanic! cameontostartthe screeching throughoutthehall. Thelights make upmostofthecrowd)resulting inloud year oldgirls(whichImustadmit seemedto citement grewamongstthegroupsof12-15 her arsewithitduringthelastsong! setlickingherhandandhitting of thedrum into theset,whichledtoherstandingontop fore theshow, putinagreatdealofenergy seemed tohavehadagoodfewdrinksbe- oriented brandofrcok.Theleadsinger, who entertainment beyondtheircatchy, dance- thy ofasupportslotforPanic! andprovided ies-style pop-rockoutfit,weredefinitelywor- time, asTheSounds,afemalefrontedeight- good reasonforthisnotbeingthecase outthattherewasa port band.Itturned ing asmostpeoplegenerallysnobthesup- full assoonwegotin,whichwassurpris- price onEbay. Themainhallwascompletely I washappytofindticketsatareasonable without theinitialexcitementwearingoff, ing listenedtotheiralbumcountlesstimes world sometimethissummer, hav- andafter Panic! AttheDiscoenteredmymusical The BrixtonAcademy Panic! AtTheDisco and Suicide isPress Coverage, The Only Difference Between Martyrdom jumpingabout. This wasfollowedby ryone were clearlycrowd favouriteswhichgoteve- About Money byMachines Not long after theywentoff-stage, theysoon Not longafter After their25minuteset,thegeneral ex- After - Ed),thecrowd(evenmajority and London BeckonedSongs Friday 2006 10th November Dominic Conquest Seems enough . Bothtracks another It’s round! would definitely seethemagainnexttime it worththemoney spentonthetickets.I fort andenergy thebandputintoitmade Overall theeveningwasfun andtheef- their one-hoursetfinishedon ahighnote. was anotherdancesongwhich meant The finaltrack elsetoo. went downwellwitheveryone only themosthardcoreoffans knewbut due totheinclusionofanewtrack,which an encorewastofollow. Thisworked well end ashowwith,anditwasobviousthat son… tion inthemaspanic’sownsongs. but theydidnotbringoutthesamereac- sonably pleasedwiththechoiceoftracks, Pumpkins track.Thecrowdseemedrea- ma Police to addlengththeirset.Thesewere songs, andresortedtoplayingtwocovers Panic! outof quicklystartedrunning spectively, whichworkednicely. to thematchingchellointroandoutrore- back with months. Inanycaseitwasplayedbackto dio airingthatithasreceivedinthelast probably becauseoftheexcessivera- Wins NotTragedies enthusiasm whentheirno.1single was quitesurprisedatthelackofgreater come atthebeginningofshow, andI going crazy. sex’, whichgotanalreadyexcitedcrowd Off Can HaveWithout Taking Her Clothes However rarethroughoutthewholegig. being very with introductionsandspokenmoments the leadsinger. start anin-promptudanceroutinewith good lookingdancerscomingonstageto dience, withthehighlightbeingtwovery wellwiththeau- seemed togodownvery set designanddancerstheyhadarranged icise aboutinthatrespect.Theburlesque were fantasticandthereisnothingtocrit- the showandenergytheytransmitted of intensity. Theeffortthebandputinto which followedtheprevioustwointerms one oftheirridiculouslylong-titledtracks The setfinishedwith Having justreleasedonealbumsofar, Most oftheirbesttracksseemedto quickpace, The trackscameatavery was described as a song about ‘angry wasdescribedasasongabout‘angry whichwasnotthebestofsongsto But It’sBetterWhenWe Do Lying istheMostFun aGirl (Radiohead) andaSmashing Thank GodforEsteban wasplayed.This There’s agoodrea- em4 femm Luca Laraia I Write , due Kar- 5 femm Friday 10th November 2006 reviews album reviews bring the heat at a time when even Phar- rell is shooting blanks. Maybe Cassie does get a bit more credit than she should for the doing not very much at all but if the music is this good she must be doing something right. Jemil Salami

Isis classic album Octopus Project/Black Moth Super In The Absence of Truth Rainbow (Ipecac Recordings) The House of Apples and Eyeballs HHHHH HHHHI

Emerging from the Boston scene in the late Two names separated by a slash tend to in- nineties, Isis took a slightly different path dicate that the record is a split; for the less from most of their contempories, infusing savvy among you, this is when broke bands doom-metal influences into hardcore punk get together and do a record together, cos to make a new brand of music, widely re- Easyworld it costs half as much. Like, duh. Anyway, ferred to as ‘post-metal’, although I like to This Is Where I Stand this isn’t one of those. This is monster of a think of them simply as representing a more (BMG/Jive) collaboration. aggressive offshoot of post-punk. Whatever Our heroes; Texas-born many-piece The you want to call them, I’m afraid this album Octopus Project have been pitting man (gui- hasn’t made it any easier, but what can be During my time at Imperial I have met tar and live drums) against machine (fucked agreed on is that this is Isis’ first serious some people with exceptional music up synths and samples) since 2002’s slightly stab at making an impact on the main- tastes. I’ve had the pleasure of being sub- mechanical Identity Parade, with the fol- stream, erm, alternative scene. jected to the old Alt Music Soc’s scorn in low-up, 2004’s One Ten Hundred Thousand Ah, a sell-out album you say! Well no, actu- my first year (the Alt Music Soc is now Million, seeing them finally get to grips on ally. For sure, ‘true’ metal fans may feel that very accepting and friendly, thank god the whole digital/analog thing. Black Moth this album is a bit of a let-down, and there’s that’s changed), I’ve experienced Mat- Super Rainbow are a somewhat elusive no denying that the crushing distortion and ty’s hairy music editor love, as well as collective from Pennsylvania, who’ve been growled lyrics experienced on their past that of his predecessors. I’ve got naked knocking out Boards Of Canada-inspired releases has given way to more reverb and at Panic! @ the Roxy, and tried my best weirdness with their own unique psych- sullen crooning. Not the greatest voice in the to look cool at Trash, I’ve seen Bloc Party edelic twist for a couple of years. This fan- world, (and I wish they had used more of the in fancy dress on Halloween and I’ve been tastically titled record is the baby of both female singing that gave Oceanic such an disturbed by Liars wearing nightdresses, bands, and (thankfully) takes each band’s epic feel) but it fits the rhythm-heavy mixing bear gloves and lycra. But something I strengths and combines them into some and the effectively deliberate drowned-out am always picked up on is my brutal igno- kind of ninety-foot-high nuclear-powered su- feel. The keyboard usage has gone up, but rance of ‘old’ music. perband. No, I’m not high. From Black Moth that industrial sound on their early mate- Now to me ‘old’ pretty much means be- Super Rainbow, we get crackling synths and rial has morphed into oft spaced-out, mod- fore 1995, the oldest band I listen to are pretty melodies; The Octopus Project pro- ern progressive rock; complete with more Radiohead. People have almost killed me vide the perfect foil in the form of gorgeous pretentious sounding song titles and jazzy in the past for not listening to Nirvana, live drums and swathes of alternately beau- interludes. The gravitas is still there; this is Hendrix, Dylan, anything from the 80s, tiful and destructive guitar work. by no means a happy record, but still a more Motown, The Beatles, Classic Rock, Prog The opener is signature Octopus styl- accessible one. Much in the same way with (the first time round), Glam, Led Zepplin, ing, all big chromatic synths and ferocious the last Opeth record, this may be Isis-light, The Who, Ska etc. It’s just one of my many drumming. What’s new is the sense of re- but it’s still Isis nonetheless. charming idiosyncracies. straint; left to their own devices, TOP would So then, this is unashamedly an alt-rock But now that it’s been six years since probably have mangled the thing beyond all album, with catchy riffs galore, and the long I first obsessively followed a band, and recognition under a metric ton of guitars (cf. shoe-gazing instrumentals given their own three whole years since I started uni, I Music Is Happiness from One Ten Thou- tracks on the CD. The concept album idea feel that I actually can look back on some sand..), BMSR bring an assload of synths to used in earlier albums seems to have gone bands with nostalgia and inspire some of the party to keep some melody in there. more or less out the window. But like eve- you who are more open minded than me Marshmellow Window sounds like the rything else they’ve released, this is still a to look them up. BoC we all miss; wistful, tape-decayed an- beautiful record (and in an acceptable form I am going to start with my favourite alog burbles and snappy, distorted drum to more casual rock fans). Of course, it’s also indie-pop band of all time, with their best thumps. El Milq throws four seconds of a brazen grab for Tool’s fan base, whom inci- album. I am talking about Easyworld, and grinding noise at you, before morphing into dentally they are opening for in the good old their debut This is where I stand. Two boys jazzy, cymbal-heavy drumming and delicate US of A. And somehow, they have managed and a girl, one giant ego, one high pitched guitar work that could have come right off to beat Tool’s 10,000 Days with an album voice, one EP and two albums, a trail of Do Make Say Think’s excellent & Yet & Yet. that mixes angst and maturity in perfect fairy-wing wearing teenage girls crying Linking these tracks together are short yet measure. at the split, this is their legacy. Granted, fully-formed little experiments, bringing to Alex McKitrick songwriter and front man Dav Ford now mind the link pieces on BoC’s seminal Mu- has a solo career, but Easyworld are defi- sic Has The Right To Children. Sometimes, nitely dead. however, these are deeply tedious, like the single review The band stuck to their winning formula pointless warble of Helium Tea, or the non- of guitar/keyboard, bass and drums for sensical noise of Copying Soup Onto Sexy Cassie their debut. The album begins with Dav Birdy (although that’s an excellent song Long Way 2 Go growling and sighing, before breaking title). (Bad Boy) into one of the goddamn happiest songs My favourite track on here, if simply for HHHHI I’ve ever heard Try not to think. We’re the sunshine-filled joyfulness of it, is Psy- talking upper register three part harmo- chic Swelling. Coming on like The Go! Team nies of loud, cheerful power chords, and in dayglo, the track rides the drummer’s If Cassie is guilty of one thing it is making ir- lyrics like “I don’t know why, but I just, thumping, 60s soul-aping breakbeat and a resistibly catchy urban pop. Me&U seduced loooooove everything about you”. It was dirty, unfiltered bassline, which the BMSR us with its minimal yet dangerous produc- being 16 for me. dudes throw a cheekily cute little melody tion and now the repetitive horn loop on But Easyworld’s music was decidedly over the top that ends up being thunder- Long Way 2 Go was sent from pop heaven bittersweet. Who can forget the almighty ously backed up by a shedload of classic Oc- to drive us out of our already overloaded cry of “You make me want to drink bleeee- topus guitar noise. minds. aaaaaccchh!” at the beginning of Bleach, It’s rare that you get collaborations that Long Way 2 Go doesn’t hint at further vo- which also contains one of my all time fa- play upon the strengths of both sets of art- cal ability or deep and meaningful lyrics vourite phrases, “Choke on happy, drown ists involved, and even rarer that the result- but careers have been made on less. Janet in joy”. In fact the whole album is less ing collaboration sounds better than the Jackson, for instance, isn’t considered an about love, more about women making records each individual group has put out, amazing chanteuse and gets away with Dav feel so depressed and belittled he just the usual result being that the record sounds speak-singing/moaning on her records, but wants to lay down and give up. like it was written by committee. With this she indisputably deserves every hit she’s The whole album is brilliant. It’s loud, work, though, it’s hard to tell where one had. upbeat, lyrically vicious and just so young! band starts and the other begins, and cer- Similarly, Cassie’s music isn’t about to I love it, you’ll love it. It has so many clas- tainly going to back to each individual band’s change anyone’s life anytime soon but then sics, Junkies and Whores brings me to the work it becomes clear how close they were again we really shouldn’t expect that from a verge of tears every time I hear it, and You aesthetically to begin with. That’s probably female model who has just turned 20. & Me oozes fuck-you cool. It’s a shame the why this record succeeds, and does so in ex- One person who also deserves a mention band self destructed under not wanting to cess of anything I was expecting. Along with is her talented collaborator/beat-maker, play Bleach (so damn selfish - Ed) every the Clark record I’ve been spinning for the Ryan Leslie, who is responsible for inspired night. Oh well, such is life. Check it out, last month, this is going on my “keeps from production on both singles and most of the and if you know me I definitely won’t make 2006” list. material on her self-titled debut album. We you a copy.

releases Andy Sykes need to appreciate the producers that still James Millen Friday 10th November 2006 femm 6 Two schools of Brit-rock collide

tering. Looking back at our videos they’re dormitory environment I suppose. If possi- The stalwarts of the ‘Brit-rock’ quite eclectic and a bit weird, which is exact- ble we don’t stay on the bus, we go out, but ly the way we’d want it. If there’s anything on long journeys you have to keep yourself that we don’t want it’s to be predictable and busy. You have to bagsy the best bunk so scene, The Cooper Temple Clause formulaic. There’s talk of the next video of the first person there gets the best bunk. maybe continuing on from Homo Sapiens. On one bus we did have a double room at are back with new material. They At the end we get dragged away and we may the back and our tour manager just took get dragged into the new one, but I can’t re- it straight away, so selfish. It did have an veal any more on that I’m afraid. office so he could do his work in. recently played at KOKO with The lyrics are very ambiguous and not very definitive do you want to keep it so peo- People are always under the illusion ple can make up their own conclusions. that the Cooper Temple Clause is quite support from Battle, an up-and- I am not the main lyricist, but I think a trendy image band, how do you view what’s great is that we’ve always wanted it that? coming band from the new school to be open to interpretation, and Make This Well I think we’ve always felt a bit alien- Your Own is all about that. It’s about read- ated from the trends that go on and we’ve ing into the lyrics and applying them to your always remained outside them because of indie-rock. Jenny Gibson own life and seeing how you can take solace we don’t live in London and obviously in them. That’s the great power and com- we’ve always had our own sound that isn’t andTom Whitson catches up with fort of music. When you’re feeling down or based on any bands that are around at happy you might get something out of it. It’s the moment. We’ve probably got most ap- all a bit clichéd, but from the experience of preciation for bands that less people have the former and Sam Lombard has our fan-base being so supportive we’ve seen heard of like dEUS, Mogwai, Sigur Ros, how important it is really that our fan-base more instrumental a lot of the time, post are the ones that we give it to and we’re rock experimental bands. But that’s not to a word with Battle. handing it back to them. When you’ve been say we just listen to that. There’s a lot of in a position where you’ve been abandoned mainstream stuff we listen to. by your record label and been to places that are quite dark and depressing, the one thing What do you think of Dirty Pretty that gets you through it is the support. Things? Did you approve of bassist Didz’s move? Battle are supporting you tonight? Did you I think they’re very musical. Of course it choose them yourselves? was hard to approve of it at the time, be- Yeah we had a few options. We wanted some- cause you feel a little bit hurt, but we’ve one that we thought would attract people certainly kept up communication. He’s but also that our fan-base would like. I’m not coming tonight and it’s all amicable. He sure if we have the right balance, I need to felt that he had to move on and he was see them a couple more times to make up living in a different place, with different my mind. They’re really nice guys and we’re friends. Quite gradually you just realise getting on well which is the most impor- you can’t be in the same group any more, tant thing. And they’re a support band that but I don’t hold anything against them. I doesn’t take up too much time sound check- like Dirty Pretty Things, I still need to see ing, or have too much stuff on stage like we them live. I’ve seen them on TV and in vid- have. Its working out well, so hopefully to- eos but I still want to see them live. They night will be good. remind me of some good parts of Elvis Costello and the Clash and that’s a really What sort of things to do you get up to on good thing. the tour bus? Well it’s a very claustrophobic, coffin-like at- mosphere. There’re 5 of us in the band and 5 The Cooper Temple Clause’s new album of the crew. We usually just drink lots of red Make This Your Own is out in January. wine and beer, and watch some DVDs. We’ve Having listened to their new material been watching Brass Eye lately, which is during their headlining set at KOKO’s, it brilliant, and Jam. I also like Arrested De- is bound to be a well received follow on to velopment, so we watch a lot of that; Family 2003’s fantastic Kick Up the Fire and Let Guy, South Park. Essentially it is like a big the Flames Break Loose.

ALL PHOTOS TOM WHITSON

aving been dropped ish town so we’ve always appreciated what by their label and London’s done for us and the scene that it’s losing bassist Didz always had. Hammond to Dirty Pretty Things, Are you playing some of you the new stuff The Cooper Tem- from your forthcoming album? ple Clause have It’s about fifty-fifty. Obviously people have had a difficult time heard Damage that we released as a free throughout the last couple of years. Prior download a few weeks ago and Homo Sapi- toH their gig at London’s KOKO, we inter- ens which is on YouTube and our MySpace viewed Kieran Mahon of the ‘Clause and page, so hopefully they’re be aware of those found out about their new album, touring, ones. And the rest of them they don’t know, and what they think about being a ‘trendy’ but they still go down well. People don’t really band. have a clue what’s going on but we play new old new old so people don’t get alienated Are you looking forward to this gig and the tour? The new video from Homo Sapiens is Yeah well the London shows are normally great-was that your concept? the pinnacle of the tour and this has come No it was a treatment that was sent in. We quite early. We’ve only been on tour for liked this one and it was quite fitting with a week, so its going to be quite scary, we the theme of the lyrics, which is about us- haven’t done as many shows as we’d like ing power and looking into how man has in preparation. The last three shows have corrupted various positions with the power been really good so we’re looking forward that he has been in, so we wanted to show to hopefully taking that sort of energy to in the video us killing corrupt dictators and a bigger crowd that we haven’t played politicians. That’s the side that didn’t come to like this for ages. We’re officially from out too clearly and the producers were more Reading, but we’ve always had a good rap- into the random killings. We were looking at port with London. We basically got spot- films like Sin City as a reference point with a ted playing at the Bull and Gate at Kent- comic book style with the white blood splat- Ben of The Cooper Temple Clause (top right); The many, moody faces of TCTC (above) 7 femm Friday 10th November 2006 feature ALL PHOTOS TOM WHITSON TOM ALL PHOTOS The lead singer from Battle before slamming his guitar into his bits (left) and then screaming from said collision (right)

attle, KOKO, and an all ac- Yeah, that new track you played tonight Do you have a timescale for getting back cess pass - a good setup, was immense; I think I was the third one? into the studio and getting some of the for a very good night. For We were a bit nervous about that one ‘cause newer songs recorded? those of you who aren’t in we’d literally just finished it. I think we’re planning to finish the album the know, Battle are a four- in January, so this month and next month piece band from London, Well if it helps we thought it was up there we’re going to do a fair few demos then and KOKO is a reasonably with Tendency (second released single). take a bit of a break over December and sized venue in Camden. You’ve done a fair bit of touring over the knock it out fairly fast in January. Battle opened with Beautiful Dynasty, a last few months, best gig of the summer? Bb-side from one of their four single releas- Erm… It was the little shows, the funny lit- So how did Battle come about, how did es. They appeared onstage in a lazy man- tle ones. We did one in Aberdeen in a trendy you all meet? ner and gradually added their input to the pub it was really small and there were a load Well Jamie (guitar) and Jason (vocals) drummer’s (Oliver Davies) enthusiastic of sofas at the back with people just drink- were at school together. We went to uni beat. Looking around, only half of the crowd ing wine. But there was just something together specifically to form a band. It looked as if they had heard anything of Bat- about the sound and the way we played and sounds very fanciful, and it was very fan- tle before. Not that it mattered; since by connected. ciful, but after a bit we met Tim (bass) and the second song I was fairly convinced that I mean tonight’s gig was good but, well I more recently, about a year and a half ago, every single person in the venue was almost only get nervous now when we play London we met Oliver (drums). I don’t know why addicted to the sound. cause all your friends and family are there but it’s always the drummer that’s hard to Although the vocals could have been more and everyone’s expecting so much of you. find. audible they sounded sharp, and the band looked as if they were enjoying the set just I count about 9/10 months now you’ve One final question and then I’ll let you as much as everyone else. After the set we been Battle, is that right? get to the aftershow. What’s your fa- wandered backstage to find the band. Nah, I think it’s been longer than that. I vourite drink? Sitting in the green room casually talking mean we released our 1st single in Septem- Favourite drink? Orange juice! Or water, to the Cooper Temple Clause (the next per- ber last year (Demons). I guess we changed I love water. formers and, indeed, the headlining act), and our name just before we were signed. the lead singer from Bloc Party (just there That’s not particularly rock-’n’-roll, no to see the gig), was nowhere near as surreal What were you called to begin with? alcohol? as I felt it should have been. Half of Battle Well we were called Killing Moon, but ba- Jason and I are basically tee-total you see. wander in and collapse on the couch. Hav- sically it was a shit name so we were like, Got drunk too much at uni, embarrassed ing had to cancel the previous night’s gig in “We’ve got to change it!” So we did and I’m myself one to many times. Nottingham due to illness, they stay only for glad we did. We moved forward away from a brief chat then head off to get some rest, that one. I wish these guys the best of luck, because leaving us with guarantees that the band’s I really would like to see them a year from other half will reappear at some point. So does the name Battle mean anything in now with their own headline spot some- After drinking a fairly substantial amount particular for the four of you? where like the Astoria. of Cooper Temple Clause’s vodka, we find Yeah it does actually, it does. Its sort of the James and Tim (lead guitar and bass gui- idea of struggling against the odds, I don’t tar). After congratulating them on a fantas- just mean in terms of your career as the EP review tic set we got down to an interview. band, that'd be self indulgent. But you know all good art is born out of some sense of Battle dissatisfaction. I mean if you’re happy and Back to Earth So about 8 months ago now I picked up you’re sorted and you’re already rich, that’s (Transgressive) your single Tendency out of our papers’ re- when bands get shit and when your art gets HHHHI view box and thought it was pretty damn shit. So it’s sort of the idea of struggling and good. But I haven’t been able to find much battling against the odds to achieve your more of your stuff. What’s out there? Is dreams. We all think we're in a good band, To complete our commentary I thought it

there anything on the way we can look but we’ll never be the band we want to be. suitable to review Battle’s latest release to forward to? encourage you to go check them out. This Really? That’ll be ‘cause most of them are So, a year’s time maybe your own head- EP features 7 tracks, their longest release limited releases, but there’s a mini album line tour, what venue in London would you to date, the majority of which are taken coming out on Monday (23rd) - 7 tracks for like to be playing at? from previously released 7-inches and you. In a year’s time? That’s a hard question. I singles. Not that there's anything wrong mean, I don’t want to be one of these bands with that, as the tracks form a great mini What about a full album? that shoots to the top, and so far we haven’t, album serving its purpose of introducing It’ll be out next year, were not quite sure it’s been a steady build. All we've got is our Battle to the world. when yet. Basically what happened was we songs and in our heads we’ve done so much. Speaking of it's length, NME described had an album all ready to go but we’ve been But really we only have two singles released, the EP like premature ejaculation, over writing quite a lot of new songs and some of I think when we get the album out it’ll put frustratingly quickly. It's hard to disagree the songs we’d recorded were getting quite everything in context and we’ll build from with this statement due to the sheer qual- old. there. But to answer the question, I’d love to ity of the tracks on the EP - it's clear right I mean you’ve got your whole life to make play the Astoria. We don’t want to shoot off from track one that Battle write great your first album, that’s what they say. It’s a and do huge venues yet and the Astoria still songs. bit scary so we said we’d build up a fan base has that intimacy. We’ve played a few bigger Hard as it is to choose from the 7 tracks and write some wicked songs. So we took gigs and it’s like, “What’s going on?” my personal favourite is Tendency. some of the tracks off the album to make There's something about the way Jason this mini album and we’ve got some new So the next few months what’s in store for Bavanandan sings the clearly heartfelt songs on there as well. battle? lyrics. Something that frequently shines The actual LP is now down and ready Well, we’ve got the rest of this tour which is through on the EP is this raw emotion for finishing touches to about 7 tracks, but quite long, then a few days in Ireland and then that inspires Battle's music - a rarity in the we’ve been writing a load of new stuff that we’re doing the Warehouse Project in the old modern world of manufactured bands.

artists in focus we're really happy with. Boddington’s Brewery (Manchester) Tom Whitson Friday 10th November 2006 femm 8 Guitars, giving and some chari-Ts Ignore the poor pun in the title, The Yellow Bird Project is a project that has inspirational artists and bands designing T-shirts. The profits from the selling of the shirts goes to various charities. Matty Hoban speaks to one of the founders and sheds some light how such an interesting premise came about and what the future of the project will entail.

his may sound petty Femm managed to get in touch with one and cheap but I know of the founders, Casey Cohen, and learn I’m not the only person a bit more about the project. With such a who gets annoyed by unique project, I was interested in what in- the charity representa- spired him to do it. “Music is what inspired tives who harass you me initially. I have always been profoundly on the street. I am a influenced by music. It motivates me to get charitable person, and in touch with myself. When we identify with I have done quite a bit of volunteering for something that we are passionate about, it Tvarious causes including Amnesty Inter- helps us lead a more authentic life. Then we national. It actually depresses me that I start thinking about how important it is to have to say no to a charity due to having help others. So in some way I believe that barely any money, and they make me feel music can be a catalyst for helping others. bad for it. It is exploitation. So any time I So many people are inspired by music, and I see an inventive and genuine charitable wanted to find a way to harness that inspira- cause I get enthusiastic about it. One such tion, and push it in a charitable direction.” cause that has come to my attention re- I’m sure many of you who are reading are cently is called the Yellow Bird Project, a genuinely interested in music and share his Montreal-based community. vision and feel the need to do something but The premise is simple; bands and the might find it difficult to get in touch with project design T-shirts together, sell them artists or organize something but Casey as- and give the proceeds to charities of the sured us that, “Sometimes these bands are artists’ choice. It is a brilliant way of pro- busy on tour or recording, and it can be diffi- moting a great musical community and cult to correspond with them. But invariably contributing to something good whilst we get through to them, and they’re always giving the fans a cool-looking T-shirt. The really encouraging and supportive.” Start- artists involved are predominantly from ing the project like this means finding art- across the Atlantic (not as many from ists who would share the vision and Casey Montreal’s impressive scene as yet) and says, “I approached a group of my favourite include: Hayden (a Canadian singer-song- artists, who I thought would be willing to do writer); Stars (gorgeous Canadian indie- this in the first place. They tend to be the pop); Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (ubiqui- more introspective poet types, who have the tous indie-rockers); Devendra Banhart capacity to reach out to people on a more (folk king who was the first to get involved humane level.” in the project); Wolfmother (Australian Whether you like the music or don’t, as you psychedelic-rock); King Creosote (mak- are entitled, I’m sure you can agree with the ers of Scottish folk-inspired bliss); Joseph causes, which vary from The Teenage Can- Arthur (singer-songwriter from Ohio); cer Trust – Wolfmother’s charity of choice – My Brightest Diamond (Michigan-based to Art for Change, a charity promoting social sometime Sufjan Stevens collaborator); progression and justice through art, a cause and Rilo Kiley is soon to collaborate. With to which Clap Your Hands Say Yeah want a wide array of artists, there should be a to donate. Casey informs me that, “Most of lot of appeal. these bands have chosen charities which are really personal to them, and I think that that is something else that gives this project special meaning.” With this message of charity, it becomes obvious that they aren’t working through the big, brash and ultimately su- perficial statement that Live8, amongst Clockwise from top-left; Stars, King Creosote, Wolfmother and Clap Your Hands others, does. Sure, they were promoting the very good cause – the end to pov- meals to their guests. So I know that’s we’re been thinking about and maybe at some erty – but seeing huge Nokia making a difference in people’s lives, and point down the line we will try to put on ads and big, corporate rock music is the catalyst which enables us to do a benefit concert. At the moment we have stars who make far too much that.” The huge actions of ending poverty our hands full, but we’ll see what happens. money stumble onstage after a should start small, without the bureaucracy, I guess it would seem like the next logical coke binge and talk about dying and gain momentum by giving people some- step though.” I look forward to when they children, this didn’t sit well with thing to believe in as opposed to hearing can group all the artists together and put me. With this project, a mes- Razorlight’s latest single and going home on a great show. sage of community gets carried unaffected. On a more personal level, I asked what through and as Casey says, “It I asked Casey about the future of the his favourite artist was, out of all of those is not just about fundraising, it’s project and I was informed of the short- on the project. He replied that, “I love all also about facilitating a communi- term plans like, “Rilo Kiley’s T-shirt will of them, and I go through so many phas- ty of artists, and spreading the word be ready in a week or so. Other artists who es,” but he conceded that, “I would prob- about their music.” It is a cohesive and have confirmed are Jose Gonzalez, Raine ably say my favourite has to be Stars. At progressive vision. Maida (from Our Lady Peace) and Chantal least they rank highest in my iTunes top This vision starts small and he [Casey] is Kreviasuk, and Holly Throsby. We’re also 25, I know that much.” I think I’d agree the first to acknowledge this, “I’m not trying going after another group of bands, so peo- with him, they make wonderful and addic- to change the world, I’m just trying to make ple should continue to visit our site for up- tive music and the T-shirt they designed a difference in people’s lives in the same dates.” The website is www.littlebirdproject. has a cool design of someone sleeping kind of way that these artists do. When I com and you can find out about the charities with their headphones on with stars radi- spoke to the director of Le Chainon, the lo- to which the bands have selected and you ating from the headphones. Let’s hope the cal Montreal women’s shelter, she told me can purchase the T-shirts for £15 including Yellow Bird Project makes as much of an that they were short on food reserves, shipping. When asked about longer term impact on people as the music, because and that with 1000 dollars they will plans such as shows to promote the project, that’s what it all comes down to, passion be able to help serve nutritious he said, “This is something that we have about music. 9 femm Friday 10th November 2006 feature ARTWORK BY JOSH HASSIN ARTWORK BY

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Devendra Banhart

Hayden Wolfmother

Useful Links

Artists:

The Yellow Bird Project Website www.yellowbirdproject.com Hayden www.hardwoodrecords.com Stars www.arts-crafts.ca/stars Clap Your Hands Say Yeah www.clapyourhandssayyeah.com Devendra Banhart www.cripplecrow.com Wolfmother www.wolfmother.com King Creosote www.kingcreosote.com Joseph Arthur www.kingcreosote.com My Brightest Diamond www.mybrightestdiamond.com Rilo Kiley www.rilokiley.com

Charities:

Le Chainon Women’s Shelter www.lechainon.org The Teenage Cancer Trust www.teenagecancertrust.org Art for Change artforchange.org The Acoustic Neuroma Association of Canada www.anac.ca Greenpeace www.greenpeace.org MercyCorps www.mercycorps.org.uk Road Recovery www.roadrecovery.com the scene feature Friday 10th November 2006 femm 10 Livin’ it up in the east side It is full of art students, bad haircuts and tight-fitting garments. So naturally it is a hive for numerous musos and brilliant, small gigs, Femm takes you on a magical journey through London’s East End. We cover Shoreditch, Brick Lane and Hoxton; the epicentre of the avant garde. Matty Hoban leads the exploration and confusion at the newly invented ‘New Rave’ scene, which doesn’t really exist. There are also thousands of noise- rock shows and art galleries to choose from. Brick Lane where you can pick up some tasty, late night bagels

ast London is synony- mous with vibrance, di- Plastic People Spitz Catch versity and contemporary 147-149 Curtain Rd 109 Commercial St 22 Kingsland Road culture. Where South EC2A 3QE Old Spitalfields Market E2 8DA Kensington is cultured E1 6BG in a traditional and stuffy sense of the word. You Once home to the club night And Did We It has a bit of a brown and bland exterior won’t find many small Mention Our Disco but now that night no A venue, bistro and but fear not as this boozer has been known gigs with exciting new music in the Royal longer exists. It has become a bit of a cen- gallery, Spitz can to put on some very good shows. The near- BoroughE that often. I heartily suggest you tre for the combination of repetitive dance be found to put on est tubes are Old Street and Shoreditch. It get to know the other side of the Capital as rhythms and electro combined with guitars. Jazz acts to anti- can be quite hard to find out what is going soon as possible. Here’s a short guide of Guitar music which you can dance to is not folk in the upcom- on so just going there can be one of the places where exciting things are happen- a new thing but it was done especially well ing Herman Dune easiest ways. However, if you have a snoop ing at certain venues. This guide is done there. You can have a look at what else they show. Probably a around enough you’ll find that a lot of an- by postcode to break everything down. have on at www.plasticpeople.co.uk. venue that reflects gular indie and alt-rock gigs can be found the cosmopolitan at Catch or Catch 22 as I (and a few other nature of the East misguided people) call it. It is part of the EC1 E1 End very well. Ad- East london show experience in my opin- mittedly, I haven’t been to many gigs at Spitz ion as I do love guitar music. 333 93 Feet East but when I have been, I have enjoyed them 333 Old Street 150 Brick Lane immensely and I found the atmosphere EC1V 9LE E1 6QL quite relaxing. Low are to play there early N1 next year, but it is already sold out, so it is pretty pointless me telling you. Hoxton Bar and Grill It is essentially a nightclub for the art On Brick Lane 2-4 Hoxton Square school crowd who like their artful dance- along with a multi- N1 6NU noise. One of the places to have spawned tude of beigels, you Gramaphone the so-called ‘New Rave’ scene as it has will find this venue. 60-62 Commercial St nights that play noise, avant garde mixed It has a plethora E1 6LT A pretty grim with electro and whatever is cool that week. of great music and venue if I’m go- It’s all a bit of fun really, just don’t take it has a lovely outdoor ing to be honest. all too seriously. Go to www.333mother. bit on the cobbled I only recently discovered this bar with This venue was com for more information. streets that Brick an underground venue. It again has a bar newly used by Lane is renowned which looks like it is frequented by yuppies Plum Promo- for. It is a quite a big and bar prices reflecting their clientele. The tions who used to EC2 complex of rooms with a nice atmosphere as venue is quite nice and intimate but there put on shows at can be seen on the website, www.93feeteast. aren’t many shows at their of note but when the Water Rats The Old Blue Last co.uk, and you can take the virtual tour. The there is, check it out. and put some 39 Great Eastern Road, music is varied and can range from all varie- on at Betsey EC2A 3ES ties of the experimental. Trotwood. There will be the occasionally E2 good band playing but often it is ear-fod- der. This venue is for bands that are a bit Just round the Vibe Bar Fleapit gritty and could potentially be something way from Old The Old Truman Brewery, 91 Brick Lane 49 Columbia Road but still are stuck in the toilet circuit. So if Street station, E1 6QL E2 7RG you want to see them whilst they’re still this dark pub small and then show off about it later, go has a delight- to the Hoxton Bar and Grill. fully shabby Again on the cobbled road that is Brick Lane Despite the name, upstairs which you can find in an old brewery yard, the en- it is actually quite hosts many a trance to the Vibe Bar. This venue has a a nice little venue Hoxton Bar and Grill fine show. Bands main room which has some sort of a stage which is the size of 2-4 Hoxton Square such as Foals and does look a bit yuppie. There is also a a living room. It is N1 6NU who are too elec- back room with some drapes and curtains. a bit of a walk down tro for school have been playing their re- It is an unusual venue in that it bears the some back roads cently. Promoters such as Unluck Recs appearance of somewhere to go listen to away from the The Macbeth has a lot of noise-rock and have been putting on gigs with a slant to- ‘ambient’ house, yet there have been some main Shoreditch angular indie-rock shows organised by wards noise recently. The Arctic Monkeys very alternative shows put on there. Worth area. They do how- the likes of Chaos Vs. Cosmos (the mem- also played here many a moon ago. The a visit when there’s a gig on, such as every ever put on nice bers of the band Collapse). It is also very venue has gained note for its cheap hire third Tuesday in the week when A Badge of electronic drone/noise shows on there with good for the odd free Sunday avant-garde cost, so cheaper gigs, which can only be a Friendship bring their free shows of alterna- the promoters called De Sonis, you have to gig with various arty ventures going on. I good thing. tive and noise-rock. get there early since the capacity is 50. wish I went here more. 11 femm Friday 10th November 2006 listings November 10th 17th AntiProduct at Borderline 586 at New Cross The Venue/Basement Dolls House, They Drove Me To It at The Shady Bard, Yndi Halda at Water Rats, £5 Bar Orange Club Love Ends Disaster! at The Macbeth, £5 Primal Scream at Hammersmith Apollo TV On The Radio at Koko Shuffle at Metro, £6/£5 flyer & cons My Vitriol at Koko Paul Simon at Wembley Arena Talk Taxis at The Fly Um, Loz Koleszko, Ascoltare, DJ Scotch My Luminaries at Cargo Egg, Man From Uranus at Barden's Bou- They Came From The Stars I Saw Them 25th doir, £5 at Barden's Boudoir Deaf Stereo at The Fly, £5/£4 adv Ulrich Schnauss, Alberta Cross at The Napoleon IIIrd, Junkplanet, Pagan The Humanity at The Macbeth, £5 Luminaire Wanderer Lu, Revolution74 at Water D'Silva at Borderline The Whip, Xerox Teens, Digitalism at Ca- Rats, £5 door / £6 advance Decoration, You Me The Switch at Metro ble St Studios, £10 Bono Must Die at Shoreditch Bar Music We Are Scientists at Brixton Academy Roland Shanks at Brixton The Windmill, £4 Hall, Free Five O'Clock Heroes, Kingsize, The Shills The Open Mouths, Applicants at The Protosoul at Metro, £6/£5 flyer & cons at Brixton The Windmill George Tavern, £3 Fingathing at Cargo, £10/£8 before Silver Rocket: Econoline, In Flight Pro- 9.30pm gram, Swound at The Buffalo Bar, £6/£4 Gertrude's Storm at Pleasure Unit, £5 11th flyer/student Mr Scruff at Forum

Less Than Jake, The Living End, The Dropkick Murphys at Brixton Academy 18th 27th Jacksons Warehouse, States at The Or- ange Club Taking Back Sunday, Anti-Flag, Alexison- Soapbox Story, Noah & The Whale at Yo La Tengo at Forum fire at Brixton Academy, £20 The Old Queen's Head, £4/£3 flyer & cons The Loves at London Pleasure Unit Adam Gnade, The Monroe Transfer at The Killers at Brixton Academy Notting Hill Arts Club, Free Tool, Mastodon at Wembley Arena Subtle, Culprit One at ULU 12th Senses Fail at Brixton Academy Striplight, Jon Langford at Brixton The 28th My Chemical Romance at Brixton Acad- Windmill, £6 emy, £17.50 The Khe Sanh Approach at Bull and Gate The Killers at Brixton Academy The Delanies at The Fly, £4 Just Jack at Cargo Beirut at The Luminaire Monkeyrush at The Comedy, £5/£4 flyer Lazarus Clamp, Last Harbour at 19th & cons Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes, £5 Bullet for my Valentine at Hammersmith Slayer, Lamb of God at Brixton Academy, Apollo £29.50 My Luminaries at 100 Club 13th Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Headland, Hours at The Fly Paraiso U.F.O., Hunting Lodge, Duracell, Applicants, This Town Needs Guns, It The Victorian English Gentlemens Club, The Early Years at Corsica Studios, £8 adv Hugs Back, I Was A Cub Scout at 93 Feet You Say Party! We Say Die! at Cargo Thomas Truax, Borderville at Water Rats, East, £5 adv/£6 door untitled1961 at Pleasure Unit £4.50 Stuckometer at Old Blue Last, £4 Piney Gir, Darren Hayman, My Toys Like Infants at The Fly, £5 Jeffrey Lewis, Nina Nastasia, William Me at Notting Hill Arts Club, £6 The Destroyers at Notting Hill Arts Club, Elliott Whitmore at King's Cross Scala The Flaming Lips, Midlake at Hammer- £5 Tom McRae at Islington Academy, £15 smith Apollo, around £20 Brian Auger's Oblivion Express at The MV&EE Medicine Show at Red Rose Com- Pigalle Club edy Club 20th

Slayer, Lamb of God at Brixton Academy, 29th 14th £29.50 Union Of Knives at The Fly, £6 Adam Kesher at Brixton The Windmill, Incubus at Astoria Evanescence at Hammersmith Apollo £5/£4 adv 586, Look See Proof, Infants at Buffalo Bar, V//Formation at Brixton The Windmill, £4 Albert Hammond Jr at King's Cross £5/FREE to members Scala Scarlet Soho at Notting Hill Arts Club, £6 Rapid Fiction, Lovers Electric at The Half Cousin at Soho St. Moritz, £5 21st Vibe Bar, Free 1990's, CSS at King's Cross Scala These Arms Are Snakes at Camden Tiger Force, Plastic Passion at Old Blue The Rocks at Camden Barfly Underworld Last, £5/£4 cons Fade To Sepia at New Cross Inn, £3 The Mescalitas at The Fly, £6 Rebus at The Montague Arms Muse at Wembley Arena Wet Dog, Shimura Curves, No Bra at Danbert Nobacon, Striplight, Jon Lang- Joseph Washbourn at The Fly, £6 LSE, £4 ford at The Luminaire, £8 The Seal Cub Clubbing Club at Camden Youthmovie Soundtrack Strategies, Blood Barfly Red Shoes, Adam Gnade at 93 Feet East Future Corpses at The Vibe Bar, Free 30th Pacific Ocean Fire at The Social Jeremy Warmsley, Absentee at 93 Feet East Electric Eel Shock at Islington Academy Micky P Kerr at Putney Half Moon Don Caballero at King's Cross Scala 15th Dr Filth at Buffalo Bar, £5/£4 flyer & cons

Boysnightout, Fuck Off Machete, District 22nd at Camden Barfly 1st December My Device at Brixton The Windmill, £3 This Et Al, Snowden at Metro Aereogramme, This Town Needs Guns at Plastik at Camden Dublin Castle Girls That Scratch, Vanilla Godzilla at Water Rats The Leatherettes at T-Bar, Free The Enterprise (Barfly Acoustic), £4/£3 Headless, Shimmy Rivers and and Canal Espers at Bush Hall NUS & concessions at Old Blue Last, £4 Haven at Madame Jo Jo's, £8 Pussycat Dolls at Wembley Arena, £28.50 No Hope Astronaut at Camden Muse at Wembley Arena The Priscillas at Boston Arms Underworld Les Ruprettes at The Comedy, £5/£4 flyer Mokita, The Requiems at Metro, £6/£5 & cons flyer & cons The Fairies Band, Hey Gravity! at Water 16th Rats, £5 23rd Leave The Capital, The Dodgems at Cam- den Barfly Rose Kemp at The Luminaire, £4 2nd The Sam I Am at Brixton The Windmill, James Yorkston at Forum £4/£3.50 adv Circulus at Camden At Proud The Zutons at Roundhouse Luke Haines at Camden Lock 17/Dingwalls Wild Beasts at Metro Primal Scream at Brixton Academy Spank Rock at King's Cross Scala Karim Fanous at White Hart, £2 Viking Moses! at Spitz Stop It You're Killing Me at Buffalo Bar New Found Glory at Astoria, £16.50 Rancid at Brixton Academy, £16 The Priscillas at 100 Club 24th Lorraine, Touriste, Members of the Pub- For more listings we recommend you lic, 747's at SeOne Viking Moses! at ICA go to Ents24.com for a huge, compre- Junior Boys, To My Boy at Cargo James Yorkston at Shepherds Bush hensive list of what’s going on. Our Martin Grech at The Fly, £7 Empire list is limited through time and study Kids Will Be Skeletons: Yuchi, Silent Kaputt, Trafalgar at The Macbeth constraints and we try to give you an Front, The Sailplanes at Imperial College The Tailors, The Left Outsides at Buffalo idea of what’s on.

what’s going on? what’s Union, £2 Bar, £5/£4 adv end of femm Friday 10 November 2006 felix 27

NIGHTLIFE [email protected] It’s party The Belgians invade Fabric time once Belgium’s finest export descend upon Fabric and they’ve brought some friends too

actually getting in (at least the peo- again! Radio Soulwax Weekender ple who went home disappointed on Fabric Friday hadn’t also wasted £25). HHHHH Anyway, enough about that and on with the actual club review. We managed to get in just before mid- Hooray, so we’re back at Fabric night which unfortunately meant again, only this time it’s a Friday we missed a few acts including the night, and I can drink to my heart’s hilarious Uffie doing a live set with content. These guys have really her French DJ boyfriend Feadz. been treating us recently, with Ad- Based upon what she delivered the ventures In The Beetroot Field the last time I saw her playing live (and week before, which if you read the her horrendous new tracks Hot review last week you’ll know was Chick and In Charge) I wasn’t too amazing, followed so closely by the upset at missing her. Despite this, mighty Radio Soulwax Weekender, we were lucky enough to catch the which your dedicated reviewers end of the Our Disco DJs’ set which, managed to get over to and check by the looks of how packed the room out last Friday, and yes – it was su- was for them, must have been pret- Alex Baldwin per sweet. ty awesome. What we heard of it On arrival, I must say that this certainly confirmed this, since they Nightlife Editor was definitely by far the most popu- pretty much played all my favourite lar event I’d ever seen happening at tracks in a row (I can’t wait for De- Fabric, the main queue stretched cember 1st when they return). They Vitalic has since improved on this rather drab set-up from Reading ood evening disco all the way back to Farringdon were a perfect support for Soulwax, dwellers! Hope you tube station (which is a very long setting an awesome atmosphere in enjoy the page this way indeed) with some dedicated the main room. gether in the correct order which sometimes) darting around the week and every sin- fans waiting for up to 2 hours just Now, since I’d seen Soulwax was nice, since you knew what to room also contributed to the atmos- gle one of you enters to get in. Our beloved Alex unfortu- Niteversions at the Reading Fes- expect (I don’t like surprises) and phere, making for a set far better Gthe competition, as it’s a guaran- nately was one of them, but he de- tival last year I knew what to ex- the only thing that was a bit strange than the last time I saw him live, teed great night out, I swear! I’m cided to give up after an hour and a pect: they were performing their about their set is that they didn’t in- where he was just standing behind going to dedicate the rest of this half when some guy from the huge Niteversions remix album live, but clude any of the female vocals like a table playing tracks and looking column to a vitriolic rant, enjoy. crowd of Fabric First members having seen them before made no they did at Reading, which made very French. The set lasted an hour As you will read in our review of being allowed to join the queue in difference, the sound and lighting tracks like E-Talking and NY Ex- and he mixed all his best tracks this weekend’s entertainment at front of everyone else asked if it at Fabric were much better than cuse sound a bit weird. Oh well, together including my favourites Fabric, last weekend was some- was a DnB night. Reading, as was the atmosphere. they were great and they are still La Rock 01 and My Friend Dario, what of a let-down for your poor This event was definitely as popu- They were set up on stage in front great. as well as a few others from the nightlife editor, as my excursion lar as the Radio Soulwax event at of their trademark pink and white We decided to hang around in likes of Justice and The Gossip. He to Fabric was cut rather short. Canvas a few months previously stripy background, with big spot Room One some more, to catch seems to be one of the only people Well, not ‘short’ exactly, since I and, despite the huge queues, I lamps behind them, shining out to MUSTAPHA 3000 aka Erol Alkan I’ve seen that can play 4 different did spend a significant portion of must say it was seriously better the crowd. Room One was totally play one of his sets. It was nice and tracks of this kind simultaneously Friday evening standing in the organised, since once entering packed out with gyrating masses pretty similar to the one he played and not make it sound completely frost-bound wasteland that is the club you could actually move of people dancing to the guitar-led at the Escape Festival in Wales, terrible. Farringdon. Although tantalising- around, and they didn’t oversell it electro and I must say it was pretty much more electro in style than his I’m pretty sure Vitalic was the ly close to the entrance after an by 50% resulting in loads of people damn fun. They performed all the Trash sets (predictably) although last act we witnessed completely, hour and a half in the queue, we who had already bought tickets not tracks from the album, mixed to- there were a few remixes of some although I do believe we went to had to say enough is enough and indie type tracks in there. At least listen to 2ManyDJs doing their make our sorry way home after I think so, although to be honest I thing in Room One for a while and being warned of at least another don’t remember a single track he they were awesome as expected. 45 minutes waiting, which would played, but we stayed around until A sweet selection of electro mixed have pushed the total queuing 2am so it can’t have been that bad! with some classic non electronic time up to the whopping two and When 2am finally came, it was stuff combined with their high speed a quarter hours! time for Vitalic, delivering his fu- DJing style made for an extremely All in all, I didn’t mind too much, turistic style of uber-electro. This varied set (listen to their album As since I was kept entertained by was going to be good! We arrived Heard On Radio Soulwax Pt.2 and my lovely friends in the queue just in time for the start of his set; you’ll see). (on another note: I’ve been told I the room was completely packed All in all, this night at Fabric was have to apologise for claiming my to maximum capacity, although we the best I’ve ever had, a million house’s strobe light as my own managed to push forwards into the times better than Radio Soulwax at in last week’s issue, since only a middle, it was a bit of a squeeze. Canvas, which was just pure hell, quarter of the feeble black box is He was standing on stage with and probably better than any club owned by me) and, of course, it only his face visible, lit up with blue night of this type I’ve ever been to. was sort of my fault for arriving UV lights reflecting off his shiny For sure the best night out I’ve had so late in the first place, if thirty bald head behind a big translucent this year. Next time those Belgian minutes after the club opens screen with crazy moving images dudes decide to take over Fabric could be considered ‘late’. What projected onto it. Lights, strobes, I strongly suggest you go check it did annoy me however is the disco balls and high tech 4D-flash- out. A final word of advice: arrive circumstances surrounding this ing-sweeping-multicoloured-spin- early or you will be disappointed! gargantuan queue. I imagine Soulwax could afford a longer sofa if they wanted one ning-lasers galore (yep, they exist Uffiesaurus Fabric had decided not to sell advance tickets for this event, so only members of their paid sub- scription scheme Fabric First could be guaranteed quick and easy entry. Sure, this rewards loy- Win 2 tickets for Bugged Out! alty and that’s good to an extent, but they certainly didn’t need any on Saturday 18th November of that to attract people to this night. What the scheme really From the beginning, Bugged Out! by Damian Lazarus, Claude Von does is alienate people who have has been the first to champion Stroke and Gucci Soundsystem. In come for the music rather than some of the biggest names in elec- the lounge are JD Twitch (Optimo), the club itself, which is surely a tronic music, with names gracing JoJo De Freq, Man Like Me, Han- better reason for going. the Bugged Out! flyers including nah Holland and Radioclit. Finally, After having stood in the same Daft Punk, Derrick Carter, Chemi- over in AKA, Love Triangle Music spot in the regular queue for 40 cal Brothers, Dave Clarke, Green records present Williams and Pitch minutes, my friends and I were Velvet, DJ Sneak, LFO, Square- & Hold. asked by a person in the Fabric pusher, DJ Hell, Miss Kittin & The You could experience all of this First queue “is this a drum and Hacker and many more. excitement with the two free tickets bass night?”, which sums up my On Saturday the 18th of Novem- we’re giving away simply by send- sentiments quite concisely. ber, the main room will be headlined ing us an email to the address at I love you really though, Fabric! by Tomas Anderson, who is joined the top of the page. Erol Alkan, resident DJ at Bugged Out! with an horrendous haircut "3&
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ARTS [email protected] The Imperial fashion collection The beauties of Imperial come out to play. Don’t worry, you’re alright to gawp. It’s all in the name of charity

PHOTOGRAPHS BY EMERSON VIGOUREUX

Emily Lines geous jackets from Jewels by Lisa, Arts Editor the twisted copper and amber neck- laces by Zovala, and a cute slash- Picture the scene: Friday evening backed dress with Victorian lace by at Imperial, the library’s empty and Arrogant Cat, which was auctioned the union is dead. But in the Sher- off to one very lucky guest. field building, something amazing The organisers did an amazing is happening. job; other auctioned items included The Wye Fashion Society is a box at an Arsenal match for eight putting on a show, and there are people and a digital camcorder, and more beautiful people in the Great it all went towards raising a lot of Hall than it has seen all year. money for World Vision. Showing collections by eight dif- There was live music throughout ferent designers, the show aimed the evening, and dancing from a to raise money for the development group of Imperial students. charity World Vision, as well as The show ended with a collection bring a little glamour to Imperial. of World Vision t-shirts adapted Models were exclusively recruit- by Mr King Apparel, which were ed from Imperial, and clothes and modelled to the tones of the gos- accessories from a range of men pel group IDMC, who got everyone and women’s designers, many of up and dancing. It was a fantastic Botton left, top left and middle: whom were influenced by African night’s entertainment, and I sin- Outfits from the Rukkyfrocks patterns and material. cerely hope the society does anoth- collection. Above: Dancers My favourites included the gor- er sometime soon. entertain between designers

Competition

We have two pairs of tickets to Amy’s View, which opens this week at the Garrick Theatre, and stars Felicity Kendal (of The Good Life fame). To win, tell me: Who was Felicity Kendal’s Good Life co-star? a) Richard Briers b) Richard Madeley c) Cliff Richard Email your answer and contact details before Tuesday to: [email protected]

You can also get the best avail- able seats for just £25, a saving of up to £20. Justr call the box office on 0870 890 1104 quot- ing ‘newspaper offer’. For more information, visit: www.amysview.co.uk Some think it’s about setting deadlines.

We think it’s about hitting them.

If you’re keen to find out whether a career at Credit Suisse is right for you, make sure your application reaches us on time. Analyst Program –24 November 2006 Easter Internship Program –12 January 2007 Summer Internship Program –26 January 2007

Working for an investment bank is demanding. Which is why we look for people who are cool under pressure, work well in a team and take pride in delivering high quality work on time, every time. The kind of people, in fact, who never miss a deadline. Apply online and it could be the start of a highly rewarding long-term relationship. One we think you’ll enjoy. To find out more and apply, go to www.credit-suisse.com/standout

Thinking New Perspectives.

Credit Suisse is an equal opportunity employer. ©2006 CREDIT SUISSE GROUP and/or its affiliates. All rights reserved. Friday 10 November 2006 felix 31

TV [email protected] In pursuit of the perfect boiled egg Cooking + science + bald, domed foreheaded, self-confessed culinary alchemist = molecular gastronomy

Edward Wawrzynczak pare and combine ingredients to that he is a seriously smart cook optimise the way food looks, smells and not a man to trifle with. I have to begin this review with a and tastes. Hold on, I can hear you And, as you might expect, this warning – watching In Pursuit Of ask, isn’t this what cooking has al- professor of kitchen science has Perfection could seriously titillate ways been about? Well, yes – even his own laboratory with all kinds your taste buds. This new eight- Blumenthal admits that what he of experimental apparatus that part cookery series features the does is old-fashioned cooking with would not be amiss in the typical ‘flavour-of-the-month’ chef Heston a bit of science thrown in. university chemistry department. Blumenthal demonstrating how to As the proprietor of The Fat Indeed, he looks comfortingly bof- ‘perfect’ everyday dishes, such as Duck, which has been awarded fin-like with his domed forehead, pizza, spag bol, and fish and chips. three Michelin stars and was voted safety goggles and thermal gloves. The secret – believe it or not – is ‘best restaurant in the world’ in The white uniform he wears is, of science. Blumenthal is a self-styled 2005, Blumenthal is famous for in- course, common to both kitchen ‘culinary alchemist’ who practises novative dishes that bring together and lab. the art of ‘molecular gastronomy’. unexpected combinations such as In pursuit of the perfect banger, This hi-tech approach to cooking is snail porridge and bacon-and-egg Blumenthal and his team experi- all about understanding how to pre- ice cream. So you can figure out mented to find the right combina- tion of meat, casings, filler, spices, seasonings, flavourings, and prepa- ration conditions. If I simply men- tion that you need to use pork thigh Eddie Wawrzynczak as Blumenthal’s sous-chef back in the day when to retain moisture, oak-smoked they worked together in London’s The Whopping Sausage back fat for the authentic barbe- cued taste, and water flavoured with oven-toasted bread, you will aromas – “I’m getting candyfloss, the genre. So if the cooking is a lit- gather that this is no ordinary cook- molasses, even a slight ‘figgy’ note, tle tedious to watch, the recipes a ery programme. also a note of overripe banana” stretch to execute, and the science In fact, this programme is so ex- – reminded me of those pompous, a bit of a gimmick, why should you traordinary that it is difficult to so-called expert pundits of the wine watch the series? figure out who it is aimed at. The world. The posturing was made The answer is straightforward. lab-concocted recipes are quite even more amusing by the fact that Anything that takes the trial-and- impractical – if not impossible – for much earnest investigation failed error out of cooking, and makes you the average cook. And the details to displace Golden Syrup as the es- better at it, is worth knowing about. do not appear on the BBC website sential ingredient of treacle tart. And Blumenthal knows his stuff. so that you will fail to reach sausage On balance, the first programme In Pursuit Of Perfection offers up heaven, even if you are a dedicated of the series was well made and enough useful tips to make it worth chef, unless you buy the inevitable was suitably light and entertain- following. Believe me, I’ve tried recipe book. ing fare. But, despite the novelty of some of the recipes in my labora- Seeing Blumenthal standing by the science angle, it failed to avoid tory – er, kitchen – and the results a gas chromatograph and sniffing the clichéd and outworn format of were excellent.

A Michelin star cross’d food lover. Heston Blumenthal recites his soliloquy before downing the poisoned espresso Heston Blumenthal practises his next award winng recipe at home in his luxury kitchen PhD Comics SYNDICATED FROM WWW.PHDCOMICS.COM SYNDICATED Friday 10 November 2006 felix 31

TV [email protected] In pursuit of the perfect boiled egg Cooking + science + bald, domed foreheaded, self-confessed culinary alchemist = molecular gastronomy

Edward Wawrzynczak pare and combine ingredients to that he is a seriously smart cook optimise the way food looks, smells and not a man to trifle with. I have to begin this review with a and tastes. Hold on, I can hear you And, as you might expect, this warning – watching In Pursuit Of ask, isn’t this what cooking has al- professor of kitchen science has Perfection could seriously titillate ways been about? Well, yes – even his own laboratory with all kinds your taste buds. This new eight- Blumenthal admits that what he of experimental apparatus that part cookery series features the does is old-fashioned cooking with would not be amiss in the typical ‘flavour-of-the-month’ chef Heston a bit of science thrown in. university chemistry department. Blumenthal demonstrating how to As the proprietor of The Fat Indeed, he looks comfortingly bof- ‘perfect’ everyday dishes, such as Duck, which has been awarded fin-like with his domed forehead, pizza, spag bol, and fish and chips. three Michelin stars and was voted safety goggles and thermal gloves. The secret – believe it or not – is ‘best restaurant in the world’ in The white uniform he wears is, of science. Blumenthal is a self-styled 2005, Blumenthal is famous for in- course, common to both kitchen ‘culinary alchemist’ who practises novative dishes that bring together and lab. the art of ‘molecular gastronomy’. unexpected combinations such as In pursuit of the perfect banger, This hi-tech approach to cooking is snail porridge and bacon-and-egg Blumenthal and his team experi- all about understanding how to pre- ice cream. So you can figure out mented to find the right combina- tion of meat, casings, filler, spices, seasonings, flavourings, and prepa- ration conditions. If I simply men- tion that you need to use pork thigh Eddie Wawrzynczak as Blumenthal’s sous-chef back in the day when to retain moisture, oak-smoked they worked together in London’s The Whopping Sausage back fat for the authentic barbe- cued taste, and water flavoured with oven-toasted bread, you will aromas – “I’m getting candyfloss, the genre. So if the cooking is a lit- gather that this is no ordinary cook- molasses, even a slight ‘figgy’ note, tle tedious to watch, the recipes a ery programme. also a note of overripe banana” stretch to execute, and the science In fact, this programme is so ex- – reminded me of those pompous, a bit of a gimmick, why should you traordinary that it is difficult to so-called expert pundits of the wine watch the series? figure out who it is aimed at. The world. The posturing was made The answer is straightforward. lab-concocted recipes are quite even more amusing by the fact that Anything that takes the trial-and- impractical – if not impossible – for much earnest investigation failed error out of cooking, and makes you the average cook. And the details to displace Golden Syrup as the es- better at it, is worth knowing about. do not appear on the BBC website sential ingredient of treacle tart. And Blumenthal knows his stuff. so that you will fail to reach sausage On balance, the first programme In Pursuit Of Perfection offers up heaven, even if you are a dedicated of the series was well made and enough useful tips to make it worth chef, unless you buy the inevitable was suitably light and entertain- following. Believe me, I’ve tried recipe book. ing fare. But, despite the novelty of some of the recipes in my labora- Seeing Blumenthal standing by the science angle, it failed to avoid tory – er, kitchen – and the results a gas chromatograph and sniffing the clichéd and outworn format of were excellent.

A Michelin star cross’d food lover. Heston Blumenthal recites his soliloquy before downing the poisoned espresso Heston Blumenthal practises his next award winng recipe at home in his luxury kitchen PhD Comics SYNDICATED FROM WWW.PHDCOMICS.COM SYNDICATED 32 felix Friday 10 November 2006

GAMES [email protected] I, Gamer Boom, boom, boring boom War games follow war games, but what is it good for, anyway, asks Michael Cook

Silence, at first. The lapping of the sea against metal. Your first con- notation, as Gamer, is that of the seaside. The gentle summer. With- out warning, we fade in to a sea- side that definitely is not Brighton promenade. Maybe it was Half-Life fading in people’s memories, or maybe it was simply the first-person shooter well on its way to becoming the most popular genre in gaming. What- ever the reason, the Omaha Beach Landings in Medal Of Honor: Allied Michael Cook Assault became a defining moment for videogaming this decade. Games Editor Whilst watching a scientist get mauled by a team of scripted sol- ar, then. You’d diers was one thing, having the be forgiven for technique used to tell a story of real thinking that soldiers, real divisions, real events, Felix Games was something else entirely. Story- is choosing led gaming, in that moment, took a Wthemes by virtue of how easy it huge leap forward. Quick! It’s Generic Soldier 4 - and he’s in trouble! Are we losing an emotive connection with our games? is to write comedic headlines for Skip a few generations of gaming them, but with Company of He- on, and World War Two seems to be roes still holding its own in the stumbling somewhat. Call of Duty Rats or drops you in the middle of quence, to seeing Alyx and Barney personalities – you were witnessing UK charts, and Call of Duty 3 does D-Day, and… it’s a bit like the defence of Russia. Pacific As- chat with each other and respond real men, the stories of people who coming to consoles over the next Medal of Honor. Call of Duty 2 does sault in the Medal Of Honor se- convincingly? What you find is that, were still alive today to tell their few weeks, war is on the mind of D-Day, and it’s also a bit like Medal ries took us to the other side of the whilst the fight sequences and the tale. the UK gamer once more. of Honor. But with more cliffs. Is world, breathing life into battles not high-octane action was enjoyable, Maybe World War 2 is a theme A lot of the time, realism in War still hell? Or has it just become seen or fought by gamers before. we also remember the quiet mo- that can’t be overdone. IL Sturmo- games is a secondary issue. Does mildly irritating? It’s interesting to look at Half-Life ments as being just as important in vik, Battlefield 1942, Medal Of Hon- a headcrab splat convincingly World War Two has a lot of sto- – often seen as the classic example terms of telling a story. or 2 – these games range from mas- when hit with a crowbar in Half- ries on offer, and most development of first-person gaming used to tell And telling a story is what war sively multiplayer, through to air Life 2? Have they really modelled companies are good at finding new an emotive story – and consider gaming is about. Band of Broth- simulation. They cover topics from the walking mech suits correctly ones to revisit. Call of Duty might why it and its successor had such ers did nothing particularly new in the defence of Russia to the French in Battlefield 2142? Designers of- return to the beaches of France, an impact. What are the memora- terms of special effects when it was resistance. Perhaps there is a vari- ten claim that ‘if reality was that but at least it had the decency to ble segments of Half-Life 2? Is it the aired on the BBC. But what it of- ety available that can be exploited much fun, people wouldn’t play change venue. Company of Heroes gun battles that were fought in the fered in comparison to Saving Pri- indefinitely. But unless developers games,’ but certain kinds of re- not only gives us a different view- Water Hazard chapter? Is it fending vate Ryan or A Bridge Too Far was such as Treyarch learn that explo- ality are very close to a gamer’s point – this time from a real-time off the army of headcrabs at the bot- a feel of the evolution of a unit. The sions and accents alone don’t make heart. strategy context – but it also strug- tom of Ravenholm’s mineshaft? Or fallen soldiers didn’t respawn at a compelling experience, war gam- Thankfully, I’ve not experienced gles to give a different feel to shoot- are these experiences secondary to the start of the next battle – some- ing will remain just a game. Soon, real war yet. And unless some sci- ing members of the same army over the power of meeting Dog for the thing that crippled the immersion there won’t be anyone left to point fi prophecies start ringing true, and over again. Call of Duty 2 takes first time, to stepping out of the sta- of Brothers In Arms. Nor were the out the difference between reality, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have to take you through Africa with the Desert tion at City 17 in the introductory se- names just placeholders for real and our experience of it. up arms for my country – or in- deed, my planet – in my lifetime. So maybe when creating a game that’s as visceral and hard-hitting as Call of Duty 3, it’s acceptable to go for the easy shocks, to rewrite Time to expand your sim-ple tastes the path of history with a few Hol- lywood set-pieces? Or maybe it’s here that reality The add-on culture lives on with The Sims. But can it really go on for much longer? becomes more important than ever. Because just as we struggle to record the experiences of war Matthew Keyes But then people decided that as noted in Felix Science this is- veterans before the last of them they’d rather have more. More sue, gaming demographics are a pass away, we also have a duty You know what I like about cheese? graphics advances, more sophisti- tricky business. It turned out that to communicate them to new I mean, there are plenty of things cated artificial intelligence, shorter Sims players didn’t just want to generations in an accurate way. I like about cheese, don’t get me production cycles, higher produc- buy expansion packs for the hell of War shouldn’t be a skip and a hop wrong. The main thing I like about tion values. Less controls, more it. They also enjoyed the way it let through the exciting parts, with it is that when I’ve bought some control. More to master, less to them play. the trials and tribulations missed cheese, I know that the cheese is learn. As the demands rose, the Expansion Packs for games such out. If we’re not telling the story going to be there should I come and need to constantly rejuvenate not as The Sims – a game without mis- properly, then we may as well need some. And I’m vaguely aware only the level design, but also the sions to speak of in the first place not tell it at all. There’s a reason that I could make my own cheese technology surrounding the game, – means adding new items, occu- why people play Call of Duty over using a few simple ingredients, became immense. Expansion pations, abilities and things to see. Unreal Tournament – they want some time, and some skill. packs were delayed by six months It’s about expanding the game uni- reality. To leave the cheese metaphor and turned into sequels, and soon verse, and giving the player more And it’s this perhaps, more at the roadside (I think we can all the practice of creating standalone things to tinker with. To most gam- than war, that is this week’s fo- agree that it’s done its bit), there mission packs became the reserve ers, it seems like money-grabbing. cus. With the release of Medieval are no expansion packs for cheddar. of epic role-playing games and But to the community of The Sims 2, real-time strategy and history If I want a different experience, or games which were cut short in the – and as communities go, it’s one of textbooks collide more beauti- something new, or just more of the first place to meet release dates. the largest and most dedicated on fully than ever before. same, then I go out and buy some Until The Sims, of course. the net, churning out hundreds of Maybe it’s sad in some cases more cheese. No matter what I do, Livin’ Large, House Party, Hot user-created bits and bobs each day that we’re striving to put reality it’s still the same dairy product. Date, Unleashed – at first, the – the expansion pack gives them in games so that we don’t have to Maybe the availability of new packs seemed sensible. Then ob- a way of customising their playing go out and live life for ourselves? games is what’s making us so bit- scure. And then it was quite clear environment, and filling the toybox It’s possible that that’s what con- ter about the stream of expansion who they were pandering to. Maxis with new things. tributes most to the stereotype of packs to The Sims and its sequel. had found their target market like Your average player won’t like it. the reclusive gamer. But at the Once upon a time, expansion packs a particularly obvious piece of Red But the way The Sims uses expan- same time, it’s also so that we were almost a necessity, they were Leicester in a vat of Stilton. Girls sion packs is unique and brilliant. can show to others what more expected to come as the developers played the Sims. A lot of girls. At the end of the day, not even the terrible things are, without them had finished the hard task of coding And we’re not generalising here; most suggestible gamer will play a having to go through the horror and someone out there could actu- it’s true to say that The Sims and game that isn’t fun. So the question itself. Is that a good thing? Get in ally sit down and design something The Sims 2 has become a game is this – can 16.8 million gamers be touch. fun and challenging. largely played by girl gamers. And that wrong? Art once again imitating life Friday 10 November 2006 felix 33

GAMES [email protected] Chivalry, shanks and shoulder pads Out now

There never was a good war. Unless you use elephants, explains Andrew Dunn Either by complete coincidence, or shrewd marketing, Call of Duty 3 (below) is released on the This week sees the release of Crea- with a mouse cursor’ thing; leaving Xbox 360 just a day before Re- tive Assembly’s latest swords-and- eye candy aside, the game is imple- membrance Day. As our feature sieges-and-squalor opus, Medieval menting such things as religion and on the opposite page suggests, it’s 2: Total War. For someone like me, trade in a more complex (yet acces- still the same old explosions and who has lost entire weekends to its sible) way than ever before. But gunfire – but by the same token, predecessors (and I still think of the even the most ardent fanboy would it’s still a visceral, exciting experi- Pope as someone to assassinate be hard pressed to claim that these ence that’s not to be missed. Re- rather than the leader of one of the are monumental advances. No-one leases on other platforms follow in world’s most influential religions), is going to wax lyrical about being the coming weeks. this is one of the events of the year, able to rig Papal elections in the If you’re finding that a little bit and I’ll probably spend half of the same way that they did when Sho- too frantic, however, you may wish coming month believing fervently gun: Total War first introduced us that I am the King of England. De- to the wonders of tactical battling spite being Scottish. Part of this is on a grand scale, or when Com- down to the fact that the Total War mand & Conquer let us loose on games have the immersive quali- the tank rush (which was actually ties of an Olympic swimming pool, fashionable once upon a time, a bit surrounding you with period detail like shoulder pads and the British that nonetheless retains a humor- Empire). Is the strategy genre as a ous touch. The rest is down to the whole losing its progressive edge? Total War games being so much fun Command & Conquer is a good to play, and unique at that. example. Back in ’97, when men Total War, yesterday. Not pictured - our intrepid writer, cackling CoD3: Tanks and stuff. Creative Assembly’s mastery of were men and I was still in prima- the empire-building-and-battling ry school, I loved the C&C games. to distance yourself from the ac- genre is so complete that it could Dearly. Whether detailing strange for good measure – and to me, this of war on an unprecedented, epic tion a little with Medieval 2: Total be called a monopoly. For many cartoony sci-fi terrorism or strange just isn’t good enough. It has both scale (albeit with a disappointingly War, a triumphant – graphically, companies, this would be an invita- cartoony sci-fi Soviets, I couldn’t get tank rushes and shoulder pads! generic sci-fi coating) or the Total if nothing else – return to familiar tion for them to rest on their Rome: enough of them. But with the an- Could it be any less appealing? War games’ marriage of real-time territory for developers Creative Total War branded laurels, but CA nouncement of the so-called ‘third’ Similarly, other strategy games in-depth tactics and ruling the mi- Assembly. If you’re used to charg- soldier on with improvements and in the series, I find that my anticipa- are failing to push the envelope in nutiae of a country. ing everywhere with the biggest perfections to their existing formu- tion has upped sticks and moved to many ways. Some developers try Whether the strategy genre can unit you can find, then you’re in for la. Granted, Medieval 2 will not be the Cotswolds for its retirement. No to nose ahead of the pack with cin- evolve and keep us interested re- a shock. But if you’ve experienced the quantum leap that Rome was, matter what I read of C&C 3, I can’t ematic spectacle, tanks and people mains to be seen. All I know is that Total War before, you can expect but even at the shallowest level, get excited about it. Mention this to swearing, some just slap together for the coming month, you can steer improvements on everything im- M2:TW is a different beast. Graphi- people and they treat me like I’m yet another sub-Tolkien fantasy clear unless you’re willing to call portant. Almost. cally stunning, you could almost some mad heretic. It’s a game that setting and hope like mad that the me ‘sire’ and send me emissaries Tony Hawks returns again believe that you were actually wit- seems to be riding entirely on the punters will buy it. Others genu- detailing the level of public order with an unusual subtitles, this nessing medieval battles if it wasn’t success of its predecessors with a inely try to innovate, whether it be in Rouen. The rest of you peasants time performing some ‘Downhill for the whole ‘floating in the sky bit more bump-mapping thrown in Supreme Commander’s modelling can go hang. Jam’, which Felix Games is in- formed by a reliable expert to be ‘hip’ and ‘illing’. The game itself is a welcome change from American Wasteland, a sequel that left a lot to be desired in terms of playabil- War has never been so much fun! ity. Expect a Wii-exclusive version soon, too. Oh and – look! Some more se- Tasteless or intelligent design? Tony Plana loves the smell of satire in the morning quels and expansion packs too. It’s that comforting time of year

Art imitates life, as they say. A cen- – War Has Never Been So Much followed shortly after attempted to tury ago, the idea of rushing two Fun! – in terms of setting the sty- bring some of the feel of the film large bodies of men towards each listic tone for a game, you can’t get to gaming too. Hard though it was other was still thought of as a pret- much better than that. Cannon Fod- to convey political opinion with a ty neat idea, and easily the most der is generally recognised as being palette of 16 colours and just about intelligent way to fight a war. Now, ahead of its time in that regard, as enough memory to remember what the missiles we’re firing at enemy well as few other fields, such as its level the player was on, Platoon was nations are only marginally less relationship with the press. “Make one of a number of war games that intelligent than the ones pressing sure you do not buy this shameful didn’t suffer from the caricature the big red button to launch it. And game” was the Daily Star’s reac- age of videogaming. There was no for gaming, too, the war genre has tion to the game, after the British need to dumb down the message, TH:Downhill Jam: We jammin’ evolved a lot in its short life. Legion complained it had used the or dilute the experience any further If you’re reading this, chances are Corn Poppy on the game box. May- than the technology already had. where people are suddenly realis- the only wars you’ve lived through be this wouldn’t have been so con- And though we highlighted Can- War - your results may vary ing that there are a mere fourty- were either cold, or at best luke- tentious a move if the game itself non Fodder earlier as being an ex- five days until Christmas, and warm. War isn’t something we hadn’t largely based itself around ample of light-hearted war gaming, thus Novembermas is upon us, instinctively relate with the real making a joke of war and modern that’s a highly unfair view of the designers who had something to and the add-ons must flow! They world very much. But it’s also like- warfare in general. Between that game. Cannon Fodder, despite be- communicate to gamers. What is it vary from the cheap-and-cheer- ly – if you’ve been gaming for any and Wolfenstein 3D’s historically- ing demonised for ‘glorifying’ war, good for? If what war games have ful Sims 2 – Festive Holiday length of time – that you’ll have ambiguous Robo-Hitler (I’m told actually aimed to satirise the view become is anything to go by, perhaps Stuff to the not-cheap and decid- played Command And Conquer : that the jury is still out as to wheth- of war perpetrated by Vietnam and very little. But both Cannon Fodder edly-unnerving Buzz Sports. It’s Red Alert. Of course, humourously er or not Adolf was in possession of the Gulf. Tiny pixellated recruits and Wolfenstein represent a kind of not that we’re against the idea of leather-bound Soviets and a mecha-suit), it’s a wonder any- queued up to be enlisted next to playful enthusiasm for the genre turning your living room into a slightly over-enthusiastic one took anything seriously a hill where hundreds of graves that may have been lost in the end- Weakest Link studio. It’s just that female commandos are in the early nineties. marked the fates of the last crop. It less drive for realism and grittiness. we’d rather the game was actually a slightly skewed But it wasn’t all gram- was unnervingly violent, certainly, Maybe the lesson to learn from the hosted by Anne Robinson. And portrayal of war- matically-incorrect but never intended to mock. past of gaming, much like the past that’s saying something. fare. But Red German and cute It’s possible – if cynical – to say of war itself, is that a load of ex- Failing that, you could regress Alert wasn’t ex- soldiers bleeding to that war gaming got stale as its plosions doesn’t get you anywhere back to the childhood spirit of the actly alone in death. When Platoon popularity grew. But whatever the useful at all. Nowadays, bombarded winter playground, and pick up a painting a surreal was released in the cause for change, the past is rich with a numbing stream of cod-Pri- copy of Pokemon Mystery Dun- view of fictional late eighties, only a with counterexamples. There was vate-Ryan sanitised ‘war horror’, geon and relive the days when – and non-fictional decade after the Viet- the cartoon-like side of the death we can’t help but be numbed by it. Blastoise could actually hold his – warfare. nam War had come to and destruction, but there was also In an age of blood and gore, maybe own, with the nerds in the yard. Cannon Fodder a close, the game that a lot of seriousness, and plenty of we need a few robo-suits. You wanna trade cards?

Corrections, Felix Games 1362 The article “Retro Review - 42 All-Time Classics” was not written by “Kupo? Kupopo!” – Mog, Final Fantasy Jesse Garman as printed, but by Chris Hemmen. Apologies, Chris. Vote yes to the NUS!

1. NUS provides a national voice - without it Imperial will be the most isolated student union in the country 2. NUS means stu- dent discounts nationwide - discounts which simply aren’t available to non-members 3. NUS achieves great things for students - like the biggest student discount ever:provides Council Tax a exemption national 4. NUS voice lobbying allowed- student unions to continue running minibuses 5. Every other Union of an institution in the top 30 nationally is a member of NUS 6. The only student on the Office of the Independent1 NUS Adjudicator boardwithout is the NUS it VP Imperial Education 7. willNUS, benot Imperial. the is represented on the National Student Survey Steeringmost Group isolated 8. NUS are observersstudent on theunion QAA Boardin the 9. Student country involvement in London 2012 is coordinated by NUS 10. NUS regularly meets with Government ministers 11. NUS provides training for student officers 12. NUS provides legal advice and support for student unions 13. NUS has a dedicated team of HE researchers 14. NUS provides advice on student welfare issues 15. Only NUS is able to lobby national and international meansbodies on issues student as diverse as visadiscounts charges and VAT on condoms 16. NUS provides unrivalled resources to help individual Unions campaigns in their institutions 17. NUS represents over 400 times as many students as ICU 18. ImperialNUS should be leadingnationwide the student movement - discounts – not watching which from the side- lines 19. The Aldwych Group cannot match2 the worksimply or impact aren’tof NUS 20. availableNUS lobbying preserved to non-members the power of student unions in the 1994 education act 21. 98% of student unions are in NUS 22. NUS helped register 300,000 extra students in the last general3 election 23. NUS policy is decided entirely by it’s members 24. NUS runs dedicated autonomous liberation campaigns 25. NUS cannot dictate policy to it’s member unions 26. NUS affiliation is less than 1.7% of the Union’s income – significantly less than the affiliation fees forachieves both ICURFC greatand IC Rifle things and Pistol for as a studentspercentage of their- likebudgets the 27. Onlybiggest NUS gives you discountsNUS without calling thestudent manager 28. Whendiscount we leave ULUever: we’ll be theCouncil most isolated studentTax unionexemption in London 29. NUS costs £26,000 less than we currently pay ULU 30. Not a penny from clubs 31. Not a penny on beer 32. The costs of NUS will be more than met by the increase in subvention we get from leaving ULU 33. NUS is the only national voice for students 34. NUS runs an active International“Money is Students not a major Campaign issue which this timehas achieved round so numerous this referendum successes, for instance on access to bank accounts 35. NUS negotiated housing rights such as a Tenancy Deposit Scheme 36. National media only pick up NUS press comes down to a clear choice: should we be leaders in the student releases 37. Only NUS has the resources to respond instantly to breaking news stories 38. NUS supports campaigns in local unions 39. NUS providesmovement materials orfor should running we local be campaigns powerless 40. bystanders?” NUS works closely with the BMA 41. NUS is listened to by politicians, the media and the public 42. NUS ensuresJohn that Collins, Union’s CGCU remain President independent (2004/05) 43. NUS has worked with the char- ity commission to ensure independence for student unions 44. The higher education funding policy of the NUS agrees with ICU’s 45. NUS employs staff dedicated to research, campaigns and legal advice – something our union could never afford 46. NUS gives us a collective voice 47. Joining“Joining NUS NUS gives will us provide access torepresentation resources we can’tand supportafford on forour own 48. Only one other Aldwych Group member in England (Southampton)Imperial’s students’ is outside needs the NUS on a49. national Without level.” NUS our students struggle to get students discounts, or get into student clubs 50. NUS supportsSameena Union Misbahuddin, policies such ICU as Fairtrade President University (2005/06) status 51. Students save an estimated £134 million a year with NUS discounts 52. 5% off at Amazon 53. Free legal advice and support from the NUS regu- larly helps member student unions 54. We have negotiated discounted NUS affiliation fees for the first two years 55. NUS runs a Disabled Students Campaign“One 56. NUS card is tolaunching find them, new one student card media to bring awards them 57. all 10% and of in at theTopshop darkness 58. We achieve more by working together 59. 10% offbind at PC them: World unity 60. andNUS support is campaigning from others to keep will Wednesday only strengthen afternoons our free for sport 61. 10% off at Burtons 62. NUS is the onlystudents student at organisation Imperial College. to have Votesubmitted yes toa responsethe NUS to the Research Assessment Exercise consultation 63. NUS lobbied the Government to reduceShiv VAT Chopra, on condoms ICSMSU and other Vice-President contraception (2005/06) 64. NUS is the recognised national voice of students 65. 10% off at Miss Selfridges 66. NUS provides support and resources for LGBT students 67. Dun and Bradsheet, who specialise in risk assessment, named the NUS “one of the most financially viable organisations in the sec- tor” last year 68. 10%“Now off at I JJBdon’t 69. know Working about closely you, with but BUSA, I don’t but like without being replicating gagged. its work, the NUS promotes participation at every level of sportWhat 70. INUS do likebelieves are cheap that expensive discounts lab andbased getting courses, into such clubs as those at Imperial, should be appropriately funded to reflect this 71. NUS regularly mobilises students against top up fees 72. NUS runs an active women’s campaign 73. NUS provides trainingwhose and bouncerssupport for don’tstudent know activities what 74.Imperial 10% off is.” at Dorothy Perkins 75. NUS secured student exemption from Council Tax 76. NUS stands up forKilian the right Frensch, of student PSU workers President NUS finances(2005/06) are sound and it is not in debt 77. NUS is a key stakeholder in the 2012 Olympics 78. 10% off at Topman 79. NUS has set up the London Student Forum, giving NUS London students direct representation to the Mayor 80. 20% off at SaySomething Lingerie 81. When we leave ULU, we’ll be at our most isolated for over“Only 50 by years joining 82. the10% NUS off at will Office Imperial 83. NUS students membership be able doesn’t to take mean that we can’t sell real ales in our bars 84. Joining the theirNUS won’tplace cut where club fundingthey belong at all 85.- leading 5% off atnational Hotel Chocolat opinion 86.on NUSstudent lead the campaign against un- fair visa charges for internationalissues, notstudents aimlessly 87. Free following ICIS card the integrated agenda setinto byNUS others.” Extra 88. Labour suffered one of it’s biggest rebellions over top-up fees – because of NUS lobbyingBen Harris, 89. NUS PSU has Education priority campaigns Officer (2004/05) in education funding and health and housing 90. NUS carries out research into issues affecting women and LGBT students 91. NUS lobbies the government for changes in legislation that affect women and LGBT students 92. NUS is mentioned over 250 times per month in newspapers, magazines and on TV “Despite93. NUS whatLondon the represents ‘NO Campaign” 300,000 mightstudents tell in you, London the Aldwych94. NUS LondonGroup, representsfor three times as many students as ULUall 95. it’s Joining strengths, NUS giveswill never us access replace to the the expertise NUS in ofwinning over 100 for staff students.” and officers 96. Nurses, teachers, farmers, the elderly and children all have national organisationsBrian Duggan, to represent Chair them of – thestudents Aldwych need Group one too 97. “If the NUS didn’t exist it would have to be invented” – Edwina Currie, Conservative MP 98. NUS runs the UK’s most comprehensive student ac- commodation survey 99. NUS is run by students – students like us 100. NUS fights for students 101. NUS wins for students

vote online at union.ic.ac.uk/vote joi between 14th and 16th November nus [email protected] the campaign to join the NUS vote no! Below are The A-NUS Coalition’s fi rst 15 reasons why you should vote no! in the referendum. We will be distributing these around campus over the coming week. All those who contact [email protected] having collected all 15 fl yers will be entered into a prize draw. The winner will receive either a bottle of champagne, crate of beer or Waterstones gift voucher (you choose!) in exchange for your collection. Happy hunting!

Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no.1 no.2 no.3 no.4 no.5 The Ancient Group of Scot- By law every business ICU card: free The £52 000 a year nus affiliation fee: tish universities - Aberdeen, who advertises a student St Andrews, Edinburgh, Dundee £52 000 discount must offer it to affiliation fee NUS democracy card: £52 000 & Glasgow - successfully campaigned against tuition fees. all students, not just NUS could be used to Optional NUS discount card: ICU grant to ICSMSU members. increase funding £10 per student. Less than half @2006-07: Only Aberdeen was in the NUS. this fee stays with ICU. £49 000 You get student discounts Exactly how doest this represent for our clubs and for being a student, not for . Total potential cost to ICU and a victory for the NUS? societies its members: up to £76 000 having an NUS card. vote no! vote no! vote no! vote no! vote no! Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote

Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no.6 no.7 no.8 no.9 no.10 NUS will this year be launching its own media Southampton SU left the NUS 4 awards. The NUS spent over £190 000 on NUS affiliation fee: years ago and have saved over last year’s annual conference - a 3 £52 000 would be Felix has 4 nominations in the prestigious £200 000 in affiliation fees. Guardian Student Media Awards. day drinking and ranting session for more than enough £52 000 a few wannabe politicians. Stoic TV scooped the Best Broadcaster award at In the past 4 years to double the money this year’s National Student Television Awards Annual printing costs of Southampton SU have built ICU spends roughly £500 000 given to the football, IC Radio was shortlisted for 2 National Student a radio station, increased per annum on Clubs & Societies. Felix: Radio awards. Thousands of students get to try sports budgets and have had a rugby, hockey and £50 000 Does our student media really need the NUS to something new from October till June. thrive? What exactly does a group of politicians complete refurbishment of their netball clubs. have to offer student media? Are the NUS just bar and nightclub. trying to pander to media clubs? Whichvote is the better useno! of resources? vote no! vote no! vote no! vote no! Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote

Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote Reason to vote no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no! to the NUS no.11 no.12 no.13 no.14 no.15 Southampton SU left the NUS 4 At the last NUS conference a hot topic Imperial College is one of the worlds The NUS believes that Media Studies and of debate was working conditions in years ago and have saved over leading academic institutions. Sports Science students should get the Columbia. nus affiliation fee: same funding as those who study Physics, £200 000 in affiliation fees. £52 000 NUS affiliates include: Engineering or Medicine. At the last NUS conference there Would it not be more sensible to tar- Southampton SU have increased was no debate on the lecturers strike. Bolton Sixth Form College Students’ Delays to the awarding of degrees Recreational Clubs Com- get funding at those studying the hard funding for education and Union subjects the economy requires rather than could have lost thousands of students welfare campaigns that their mittee grant: Newham College of FE Students’ Union funding the more trendy courses that are their conditional job offers? College of Agriculture, Food & Rural students want to see, rather than less well respected by employers? \ £55 000 Enterprise SU what the NUS thinks is relevant. What are the priorities of the NUS? Do we really want ICU to support a For decentralised campaigning What does Imperial College have in fees policy that may not be in Imperial students best interest? morevote responsive tono! our needs... vote no! vote no! votecommon with theseno! places? vote no! Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum Imperial College Union NUS referendum No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 No!vember 14th - 16th 2006 www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote at the union nov 10th - 23rd Wednesday 15th & 22nd Thursday 16th

15th November - RAG Miss WWorldorld 22nd November - Pirates Foam Party

Every Wednesday At The Union!

Carlsberg, Tetley’s & only Blackthorn only £1.30 a pint

Free entry before 9pm, £1 thereafter, free cloakroom for sports bags

Friday 10th Friday 17th

Arabian Nights Belly Dancers, Hookah & World Music DJs all Night.

Smirnoff & Draught Mixer £1.20 in ALL bars band showcase ALL night

Also on this fortnight Coming Up Next Week Fri 10th Arabian Nights & Hookah Tue 14th Da Vinci’s - Quiz Night Wed 15h Sports Night - Rag Miss World Thu 16th Alternative Music Night Fri 17th Jazz & Rock Band Showcase Tue 21st Da Vinci’s - Quiz Night Wed 22nd Sports Night - Pirates Foam Party Thu 23rd Oculo Garden OculoGarden

The Union EncouragesImperial Responsible College Drinking Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Road, London SW7 2BB imperialunion.imperial.ac.ukcollegeunion.org/ents Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8060 Friday 10 November 2006 felix 37

PUZZLES [email protected] Sudoku 1,363 This Week’s Stethoscopes

Complete the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 Scorpio (23 Oct – 21 Nov) Pisces (19 Feb – 20 Mar) Cancer (22 Jun – 22 Jul) square contains the digits 1 to 9. E-mail your solution to sudoku. [email protected] by Tuesday at 9am. We will randomly This week you grow This week, you get $$$ WIN BIG! $$$ select a winner to receive either a 128MB USB stick or a crate of back pains. Literally. lucky. Amongst all the beer. You must claim your prize within a week. An aura of hurt pro- negativity of this page, Match three cockgob- trudes from the rear some cunt has to get bling cowboys below of your ribcage and lucky, surely? You to WIN! Scratch off whenever you brush win some World Cup the panel below: 3 5 7 2 past somebody in the corridor, you tickets and everyone thinks you’re assume a posture akin to a howl- cool. You sell the tickets for a mas- ing warewolf, before raking your sive fucking television. Everyone 2 3 9 6 fingernails down their face. thinks you’re a gargantuan prick! Sagittarius (22 Nov – 21 Dec) Aries (21 Mar – 20 Apr) Leo (23 Jul – 22 Aug) 6 8 7 3 Unfortunately for you, Well, whadda-ya- ROFLCOPTERS. nothing grows at all. know. Move over LOLLERSKATES. 9 8 A night of pranks sees Planet Earth, look at Err... Not so “roflcop- you primarily on the this incredible bird’s ters”. I’ve just noticed receiving end (ma- eye (damn, that fits a collection of pubes 4 2 tron!). Everything in- perfectly and I haven’t lingering in the air just cluding the fine downy hair on your even finished the sentence yet above the desk! What the fuck?! feet is shaved and never regrows. - “bird’s”, geddit? Screw you then.) It’s not like this is a sperm bank 2 1 You’re so limp your fuckbuddy shot of a fine pair of TITTIES. and people are constantly whip- hangs you from the balcony. Cleavage! Tit wank! Muffs! ping their todgers out. Jeez Louise. 3 6 1 5 Capricorn (22 Dec – 19 Jan) Taurus (21 Apr – 21 May) Virgo (23 Aug – 22 Sept) Oh yeah, check m’ Dear The Horoscope, This week in labs a 2 7 9 6 flow. When I get on I was “amused” to see conical flask grows this mic I just spit all the alterations you and grows and grows in one go. You muth- made to my hilarious and grows. By the 5 4 6 8 afucker’s dead hittin’ witticisms last week. time it has fully grown on my bitch. With my Consequently, I will and grown, it engulfs finger on the trigger, it’s starting to destroy you and everything you you with its spout. The triangular Solution to 1,362 Jotting pad itch. This bullets got your name of hold dear. Never fuck with me shape nestling on your head has its it. BLAM, now you’re in the muth- again. Lots of love, own ecosystem. It’s not long before 2 6 3 8 9 5 1 4 7 afuckin’ shit! BLET! BLET! The Bearded Intruder. monkeys swing from branches. 9 8 4 1 7 3 6 2 5 1 7 5 4 6 2 9 8 3 Aquarius (20 Jan – 18 Feb) Gemini (22 May – 21 Jun) Libra (23 Sept – Oct 22) 6 4 2 9 3 1 5 7 8 5 9 8 2 4 7 3 1 6 Shhh! Quiet, we must HOLY FUCKZORS! Alice’s friends: you’re be silent. I don’t think I’ve literally written all thick. Supposedly, 7 3 1 5 8 6 4 9 2 they’ve noticed me. six of these prophetic you can’t read and you 8 5 9 6 2 4 7 3 1 Fuck, I’m sexy. I think paragraphs and only wear broken glasses 4 1 7 3 5 8 2 6 9 it’s because of my just noticed the above! that aren’t just taped, 3 2 6 7 1 9 8 5 4 fort. Man, do girls dig Damn! I just kekked they’re fucking gaffer my massive widescreen displays. in me Calvin Kleins and it’s run- taped. Please, fuck off down a hole Thanks to everyone who entered. Three girls in sight. I’m gunna ning down my third leg. I bid thee where the pungent aroma of don- A winner is you: Adrienne de Souza. target them, hunt them down and all; we must flee the omnipresence keys’ genitals that emits from your Keep those entries coming in! rape their ears. They want it. Hard. of The Bearded Intruder! Run! mouths cannot be smelt.

Felix Crossword 1,363 Scarecrow

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ACROSS DOWN In response to dozens of requests 1 In the kitchen, Edward mixed 1 Army sounds honest but quiet (5) (and because the Guardian already and condensed (9) 2 That is, about a hundred diamonds (3) do it so it must be a good idea), 6 Enjoyable government issue 3 Artist comes between king and the next week will see the introduction 9 10 11 mushrooms (5) mayor’s sea-monsters (7) of a column on how to solve cryptic 9 Nothing before large end (5) 4 Point on alleged seer earns no money crosswords. So if there are any of 10 Brutally slain with talons (5) (3-6) this week’s clues that you would 11 Twitch twitch in twitch (3) 5 Float into 500th fissure (5) like explained in it, don’t hesitate to 12 13 14 12 First lord swallows charged 6 Angle ten back in draughty stockings email your requests. atom (7) (4,3) Since the weather has taken 14 Puzzle over anagram without a 7 Annotator doesn’t hesitate (5) a turn for the worse, it seemed first thought(7) 8 Lying about earnings is crooked, it reasonable to have a wintry theme, 15 16 17 18 15 Tramps in league with psycho seems (9) much as I don’t care for themed boss (5) 13 Revolution rather than piece? (5) crosswords. 16 Cold damage scrambles to be 15 Chief nobleman numbers a group I do hope it’s not too easy, as first (9) (4,5) some people complained last time. 19 20 21 19 Southern volunteer with 17 Instruments from sun god after gold No-one’s ever happy. Catholic in caper (9) chest(9) Scarecrow 21 Be allowed onto atoll (5) 18 I go around truncated low ice house 22 Fish boat in garage (3,4) (5) 22 23 24 25 26 25 Rotate pi to mecca to uncover 20 Proper drink for about a pound a litre condensed work (7) in the east (4,3) Solution to Crossword 1,362 27 Allegedly works to deserve a 21 Cecil is confused about stalactites (7) D O N O R Y O S A A C O N G A vase (3) 23 Nur (3,2) E C H U U E C T C C L O P I N 27 28 29 30 28 A piece in pieces (5) 24 One thousand rang for a stripped C O P Y C A T A C H E E R I O 29 Seam containing a gram to whale carcass (5) O E R G T E A G U R M O I F U register (5) 26 Choose to let the European N M I C I N V E R S E E V R T 31 Twentieth sword in tent (5) community disperse (5) T E M P O I E I A D N E E D S 31 32 32 Weed source foundation (5,4) 30 Head off after the German pair (3) A K E S N E D V T I T U T M I M R E I O S P R E E L S L E D I E A D C T E E H O B E S F E Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page N O V E L U N S E B A T T I C down to the Felix office in the West Wing of Beit Quad by Tuesday 9am. A T A S A B D O M E N A Y N H Each week, we’ll choose a winner, who will receive both kudos and £10. T T I A N S U E B S D B L C A Last week’s winner is Mark Wass. Well done. You must claim your prize I L L E G A L L O R A T I O N within a week. Everyone who provides us with a correct solution will get O I M S E I U K S R N A K O C an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year. N E V E R L M S S O A B A T E 38 felix Friday 10 November 2006 Clubs&Societies Shooting tiny little balls at people IC’s Airsoft club take to the fair fields of England with replica firearms; amazingly, they make it back alive

Nathan Roberts stop to the proceedings, and by the end of the day everyone had enjoyed Last Sunday was just another glo- a thorough soaking, along with sev- rious day in the corps. for the bat- eral interesting mission scenarios. tle-hardened members of ICAirsoft, These included an assault on a vehi- as they made the arduous journey cle convoy and a mission to retrieve to the mecca of military simulation the ingredients to make Snakebite, that is Tunbridge Wells. In this most an activity more usually associated unlikely of settings a day-long skir- with drunken Sports Nights at the mish was taking place, one of sev- Union, which took on a whole new eral trips organised for members of dimension whilst under enemy fire! ICAirsoft on a termly basis. Everyone performed well on the For those unfamiliar with the in- day, including several new mem- tense world of Airsoft, it can be best bers of the club, with this intrepid thought of as paintballing’s more reporter (erstwhile ICAirsoft Treas- serious sibling, with the paintballs urer) getting the chance to indulge replaced by plastic ball bearings in some lone-wolf Rambo-style fired from replica firearms. A wood- shenanigans! land skirmish basically consists of Despite a slightly chaotic feel to two teams in full camouflage gear the proceedings, and the decid- running about a field/forest shoot- edly inclement weather, everyone ing at each other. In order to lend involved had an enjoyable Sunday a more tactical edge to the conflict, in the combat zone, and already the ojectives are set for each team, forc- Committee are working on plans ing them to work together to crush for the next excursion for ICAirsoft, the opposition. which should be at the end of the A total of 6 of IC’s finest were Christmas term. brave enough to take on the world (and the 6a.m. wake up call in order to get there on time!). Even non- For more information, contact IC stop rain wasn’t enough to put a Airsoft at [email protected] They may well look like real guns, but they’re just replicas. At least, that’s what they told the policemen Kind of like pool, but with fingers PakSoc organise a carrom tournament; the game itself is likely to have begun in India, and is centuries old

PHOTOS BY EMERSON VIGOUREUX Ammar Waraich needing the red queen piece to be potted. On the surface it may seem Past experience has shown that simple but as Emerson, Felix’s pho- Asian societies at Imperial have a tographer, will tell you, there is a strange tendency to largely host lot more skill and mental rigour in- events that are lacking a cultural fo- volved, as was also witnessed in the cus. IC Pakistan Society has there- final matches of the tournament. fore begun its series of events this The winner of the tournament won year with a determination to move 30 pounds in cash with the second away from this and become a Soci- and third positions getting boxes of ety that is removed from the usual chocolates and a PakSoc pat on the tried and tested events. back! The important fact though is Inline with this, the 25th of Octo- that it was a huge success and eve- ber saw IC “PakSoc” taking a trip ryone had a great time socialising to a restaurant in West London, but over a few light hearted games. travelling in a traditional Tiara bus, To round up this term’s activities educating students on the most and before next term’s massive prominent form of public transport inter-uni art & culture exhibition; in Pakistan, with a 3 course meal debate on the future of Pakistan; thrown in! More recently though, political lecture series; quiz night on Wednesday the 1st of November, and the girls-only dholki raat, we PakSoc hosted a Carrom Board are having our annual charity din- tournament,. Best described as ner event. This is going to be on the pool with fingers, it is essentially 29th of November and will include a a board game where players must sumptuous 3 course meal and com- pocket their carrommen pieces edy from some big names! Tickets before their opponent by flicking will be on sale soon (email me on a white striker piece against their [email protected] for info) and I own pieces, with the final shots hope to see you guys there!

The rules of carrom

The aim of the game is to use or the diagonal line extending your “striker” piece to hit your from the board. You can pocket pieces, or carromen, into pock- the red ‘queen’ piece at any ets at the corner of the board. time, but you must pocket one You must do this without any of your carromen in your next part of your body except your shot, or the queen is returned to hand crossing over the board, the board. Top: the carrom board, showing the “striker” piece. Below: PakSoc members take the game seriously Friday 10 November 2006 felix 39

NEWS [email protected] Mayhem on freshers’ hockey tour

Late in the evening of 20th October, The highlight of the afternoon around 30 hockey players piled into was when Jack’s parents asked him two minibuses and headed for Shep- where his bar name, “Daterape”, ton Mallet, Somerset. Fortunately came from. After a brief stop at only one minibus was harmed in the some shops to purchase our white course of this adventure! High spir- T-shirts for the evening and to deco- its were maintained through the 6 rate them in style, we were ready to hour bus journey; with the help of hit the town! a large bottle of vodka and runs It may be a long time before Wells round the coach on the motorway. forget Imperial College Hockey Moans of “I really need to pee!” club. Funny stories include: Shiv were frequently heard from one of hurling with extreme precision into the party and some small children a glass, scandal as two nameless in- were mentally scarred by our signs, dividuals took a friendly stroll down how could you Dan? We arrived a back alley, a certain male fresher very late at a small primary school getting far too drunk and rolling in hall and set about making our ‘beds’ various hedges on the way home, for the evening. We all sat in a circle an elegant female fresher taking a with sweets and tea (and red wine wee stop behind a fence and Roxy in some cases) and discussed the demanding a kebab “even if it is plan of events for the weekend. made of horse!”. Next morning, cold and sleepy, the Unsurprisingly, hockey the next teams prepared for a day of mixed day was a little less than balanced. hockey playing, and of course, There were many cries of “I’m go- drinking. After a couple of hours ing to throw up!” and one poor fool on the pitch, we made our way to a fell in the mud on the way to the sleepy little pub for our curry and hockey pitch! This gave the opposi- skittles lunch. At this point Shiv tion a slight advantage and both IC decided she didn’t like the blue bus teams lost, unfortunately. However, very much; showing her disgust by we all happily clambered back into scraping it against a wall. (Note, our buses for the journey back and licking your fingers and wiping the promptly fell into drunken, but con- scratch does not bring the paint tented sleep! back!) Arabella Walker

Pictures from the Imperial College Hockey freshers’ tour. Really though, calling it a “hockey tour” is just an excuse to cover up the fact they just went to get thoroughly rat arsed

Fresh blood helps ensure Rugby 1st XV victory Won a fixture Everyone was in a some what sub- same as it did in the first, except Match’ Remi who was quick and you’d like to brag Men’s Rugby dued mood after the disappointing Flannan wasn’t on the pitch, but decisive over the field. In fact it was GKT 1st XV 25 performance last week, and so we was instead having a little sulk on generally a massive improvement to the rest of the ICURFC 1st XV 39 were ready to prove to ourselves the side line for being taken off to from last week, with even the for- how good we can be. The warm up give the fresher James Pettit a run. wards getting their act together. college about? went smoothly. We were all fired up Throughout the half, IC continued The return journey turned out to It wasn’t a normal start for the 1st for the game and then we realised with their mouvement général be a rather enjoyable one for both Send photos, XV this week, with a reshuffle of the that there was a mile trek to get to whilst GKT were unable to stop the sides, as we got the same train team that included seven new faces the actual pitch! smooth, fast flowing, slick move- back, but one must feel a little sorry match reports, on the starting team sheet, and the From the kick off, IC scored a ment from both the forwards and for the members of the poor gen- results and any shock news that we would have to quick try through Mike, who sim- backs. But GKT continued with eral public who foolishly decided to take public transport to a game for ply glided and then ran away from their own catch and drive, getting get onto our carriage. GKT started comments you the first time since my arrival at uni- the GKT defence, but this wasn’t a further two tries before the IC off the festivities with ‘sing fresher versity. And this meant that there the last time GKT would see Mike, forwards figured out how to stop sing’ to which their freshers obliged might have were no excuses for being late! As as he went on to score a further them. by serenading everyone to classics usual, few people arrived on time to two more tries in the half and thus IC were playing to a great stand- line Angel. This for some reason about these arti- meet at the union; some even forgot impressing his lady friend that ac- ard, with great co-operation be- prompted our own freshers, Jo, to read their emails and had a quick companied him to the match. GKT tween the forwards and backs which Alex, Jim and James, to do their cles to us at: dash to South Kensington tube to did however manage to get one try resulted in a further three tries in own rendition of ‘Build me up But- sport.felix@ meet up. But get there we did and in the first half, with a simple catch the half, with old man Andjit get- tercup’, which cheered up Flannan we were on our way to play GKT, and drive from the lineout, some- ting two and James Pettit getting a bit! imperial.ac.uk a side that has been in the league thing which they are well known for the other, leading to a final score Jovan Nedic with us for some time now. doing, but before the end of the half of 25-39 to IC. There were some before 5pm on Upon arrival, the team had to IC got a further try through Nathan great performances from Dan ‘not travel through some shrubbery be- to make the score at half time 22 – 8 so little’ Godfrey who managed to Monday evening fore finally emerging at the sports to IC. take two guys out with his massive ground and the changing room. The second half started just the tackles, and also from ‘Man of the CROSSWORD SUDOKU Sport page 37 King’s dethroned on their own soil

in the second half that saying it was Men’s Football “a game of two halves” would be KCL 6ths 0 – 5 IC 6ths about as big an understatement as saying the phrase “a game of two halves” is a cliché. Philipp “a pun is With the season starting to shape too obvious” Mania, who managed up having come off the back of two to cover more moss than Tampax, convincing wins, it was in Berry- began combining well with James frikkin-far-lands, to face King’s 6ths Platt and Andriy “Shev” Gelman, that Mooknellay’s entourage would securing midfield supremacy. Our discover the impact our celebrity passing began caressing every status would have on the division, crevasse of the pitch as our play and perhaps answer the eternal possessed the appeal often seen question “Where the fuck are we?” on Page 3 with moves guaranteed The game started crisply as to raise more cocks than a chicken King’s were eager to impose their farmer and harden more nipples authority. To be fair, it was KCL than frostbite. who were quicker to close down in The deadlock was broken not long midfield and were prepared to be after the restart when some neat at- more physical in their approach, tacking play down the centre drew getting so tight on occasions there out the keeper allowing Damien was barely a layer of latex separat- Phelan to drive a loose ball low into ing any two players. This effectively the undefended net. limited our opportunities with the The momentum began to snow- nearest coming via a measured ball ball as chances began appearing from a corner which Jo headed just thick and fast. The next opportunity wide of the upright. Much of the arrived in the form of a cross from play revolved around our defense the left flank by Shev leading to a with goalkeeper Mike Pursey and scramble on the King’s goal line be- defenders Jo, Ricky, Peter and Tony fore Nam lumbered along carrying showing discipline and resolve to the grace of Borat in an antiques nullify the mounting pressure. store to bundle the ball across the The IC 6ths probably waiting to devour some dim-witted blond with their extra manly ways The game eventually descended line. Persistent moans, however, into a bit of a scrap with the only lead to suspicions that the ball from highlight of the first half being the Shev had actually curled out of play ing about as much endurance as a neatly dinked ball in his direction al- head, which despite his eagerness arrival of a cat pouncing from the and that the keeper had two hands Beckham haircut, it wasn’t long be- lowed him to gently lift the ball over to give head, lead to the Mook being shrubs by the end of the pitch to on the ball before it was forced into fore a short corner worked its way the on rushing keeper capping off a escorted from the pitch suffering a savagely maul a bird. With the de- the goal. to the late arriving Philipp, to pull move which would have Kazakhsta- bruised brow. Taking further mean- sire to redeem a disappointing 45 The referee (a King’s player), un- off a Zidane turn before produc- nis across the land exclaiming Wah ing from the cat incident, our minds minutes we took this as an omen der heavy influence from the King’s ing a Lampard-esque chip from an Wah Wee Wah! To conclude the goal began scrolling through the pages of things to come for we too have captain who appeared to have inte- impossible angle which clipped the rout, Hamish delivered a cleverly of To Kill A Mocking Bird, prompt- been known to prey on fine birds grated his natural log to the ref in underside of the bar and fell behind weighted through ball to the feet of ing us to offer a sympathetic hand- and we too are familiar with pus- his search for Brownian motion, the line for 3-0. Andriy who calmly slotted the ball shake and words of understanding sies concealed within dense bush eventually conceded to demands King’s were given respite when around the advancing keeper, com- whilst bearing no hidden agendas (with the exception of Fuge, whose and gave a goal kick. Platt’s manoeuvre towards the pleting a hat-trick so fine, a 10 Giga- towards the generous post match antics last Christmas revealed he However, our revenge was swift ball, which can only be described pixel camera would’ve had trouble plate of sandwiches we gratuitously prefers to be ridden by a Brazilian), when goal machine Shev was as ‘beat the gypsy’, induced cries maintaining focus. Several further woofed down. and we too belong at the top of the played in to fire a first time shot of handball resulting in a penalty. opportunities came our way with To summarize, our general abil- food chain with the small exception past the keeper for 2-0. Unfortunately for King’s, Pursey Damien hitting the bar on one oc- ity to endure 45 minutes of foreplay of the referee. At this point King’s looked as managed to produce an outstand- casion, meaning the 5-0 score line and go on to last the full 90, plus Whether it was down to a lack likely to score as a non-6ths player ing save to deny their captain any was more a compliment to their de- our intricate knowledge of 11 differ- of fitness surfacing in the opposi- with the line “Girl, you must have consolation and hold out for our fensive efforts. ent positions, means satisfaction is tion or the discipline and quality yeast, because I’ve got a fire in my third successive clean sheet. The game ended abruptly when rarely denied, on and off the playing within our own team I cannot say, pants and it’s definitely giving rise Shev was once again at the helm of Hamish’s challenge for the ball was field. but such was the dramatic change to something!” With King’s show- our most prominent attacks when a met with another contesting fore- Nam Nguyen

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